![\"\"](\"https://i0.wp.com/www.marshmallowranch.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/06/IMG_1964-1.jpg?fit=470%2C842&ssl=1\")
We were in second grade together. I’d rarely seen a black child before. We met in the line to wash our hands before lunch. I had terrible anxiety, and our teacher didn’t much care for me. She sent my anxiety through the roof to the point I could not eat. And if I didn’t eat, she held back my tray to show my mom when she came to pick me up after school. Mrs. Alexander crossed her arms over her chest and scowled whenever she looked at me.
\n\n\nAs I stood in line to wash my hands that day, I prayed quietly. I asked God to please settle my stomach so I could eat and not get into trouble anymore. I felt a tap on my shoulder, and this little round chocolate-brown face met me with concern. Her name was Lisa.
\n\n\n“Are you praying?” she asked.
\n\n\n“Yes. Mrs. Alexander scares me, and I can’t eat. Then I get in trouble every day after school.”
\n\n\n“Well,” she said with a firm confidence I knew little about. “I’ll pray with you!”
\n\n\nSo, she wrapped her little arm around my shoulders, and we prayed together that God would make me feel better so I could eat. After that, I knew God was always with me and I didn’t need to be afraid because my new friend Lisa would pray with me as many times as necessary till I got through second grade.
\n\n\nAs it turned out, my parents bought a house in another school district, so I didn’t see Lisa again till high school. By that time, we had our circle of friends, and we didn’t really connect till many years later at high school reunions. Eventually, I moved back to my home state of West Virginia and started getting together with Lisa. She had become a pastor and worked with several churches in the area and with Urban Ministries in town. Lisa joined our Divas do Coffee group, and we all enjoyed her stories and warm presence.
\n\n\nLisa was funny, yet she didn’t mince words. If you needed correcting, she didn’t care who you were or what the social norms were. You got corrected. She was also the humblest human I’d ever met. She never tooted her own horn. She always made sure those who were considered the fringe of society knew they were loved.
\n\n\nLisa died the other day. She was diagnosed with advanced cancer in September 2024. Lisa chose to go on Hospice to maintain quality of life instead of quantity. Her beautiful family put a hospital bed in her daughter’s den where she could watch the comings and goings of her grandchildren and love on them all she could. Occasionally, her daughter would record a video at Lisa’s request. On it, she reassured us all that she was doing fine. She told us she knew where she was going, and it would be glorious to walk with Jesus.
\n\n\nLisa never really had much. She worked hard and raised an amazing family, living in the same town where she grew up. She lived in an older neighborhood because that was home. Lisa didn’t put up with any shenanigans from folks who may not have had her best interests at heart. She wasn’t afraid because she knew Jesus resided in her house, so there was nothing to worry about.
\n\n\nOur friend was in a terrible accident years ago. She stepped out into the street in front of her church. The sun’s glare in her eyes blocked her view of the car that could not stop. She was gravely injured, and the family was called in to say goodbye. Lisa was a strong woman with a lot of fight in her, and she recovered… unfortunately, with memory loss, back and spinal pain that stayed with her the rest of her life. She worked and did amazing things in this town. There was a settlement after the accident, but she did something special with it that she didn’t reveal to anyone.
\n\n\nI spoke with her daughter at the funeral home yesterday. It turns out that Lisa, in her humble way, created an endowment that would help support the Urban Ministries in perpetuity. No one in her family had any idea she had done this. It was a lesson for all of us in humility, love for your fellow man, and living like Jesus. None of us was surprised by the generosity coming from our stout little friend. It just makes us love her even more and makes her family very proud.
\n\n\nMiss Lisa, you were a peach, and we’ll miss you! We’ll see you in Heaven!!!
\n\n\n💜
\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\nHumble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, 1 Peter 5:6 ESV
\n\n
***Gratitude Journal*** Today, I am grateful for the friendship I had with Lisa and that she’s singing and praising Jesus in His presence…right…this…minute. I’m grateful for her gentle lessons in humility and the way she jumped out of her chair and danced around the room when I told her Mr. FixIt and I were getting married. “Perfect! A perfect match!!! This is exactly what I wanted for you two.”![\"\"](\"https://i0.wp.com/www.marshmallowranch.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/05/IMG_2712.jpeg?fit=768%2C1024&ssl=1\")
The little lollipop buds of our pink peony (Sara Bernhardt?) have been continually getting bigger and bigger. We knew they were going to bloom any day now. I walked through the yard this morning, and there they were. We have more blooms this year than any since I moved to Mr. FixIt’s little homestead. These are a pretty pink, but the ones out front are much darker. They bloom later because they don’t get as much direct sun. I’ll keep an eye on them and show you pictures.
\n\n\nWe had a lovely day. A leisurely breakfast (LOVE my grits and eggs!) and Mr. FixIt snoozed in his Big Red Chair while I had my morning RYZE. When he went to see his doctor last week, we found out that he doesn’t have any immunity to measles. Granted…we aren’t going to be in the hotbed of measles outbreaks, but we have great grandbabies and we wouldn’t want to trade diseases with our beloved little germ bombs. I haven’t had my test yet, but I’ll be flying in June so I want to know and be prepared.
\n\n\nWhile we were out, we took advantage of the day. We shopped a little. We found an indoor electric grill that we thought might be convenient for camping. It was $39.99 at Walmart. We decided to stop at Ollie’s just to see what they might have. We picked up things like pruners and a soaker attachment for the garden. And lo and behold…there was the same electric grill for $29.99. I can’t get it for that online, so we picked one up.
\n\n\nWe found a digital special on soda at a local grocery store, so we picked up five twelve packs. We don’t drink a lot of soda, and it’s all sugar fee. But sometimes you just want a fizzy drink, right? By the time we got home, it was after 9:00 and we were fried. Today is usually my knitting gathering, but one of our gals passed away last week. We’ll see each other at the viewing and funeral on Tuesday. Sandy seemed so young to me, but it turns out, she was three years older than I am. She was such a sweet and kind person and will be missed by all who know and love her.
\n\n\nWe don’t have a single thing on the calendar other than the viewing. Mr. FixIt continues to get better every day, but we postponed out camping trip for this week. He needs more healing time before we do that. I’m sure we’ll find plenty of stuff to do…you know, like mowing. Again. 🙄
\n\n\n🩵
\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n“The Lord cares deeply when his loved ones die.” Psalms 116:15 NLT
\n\n
***Gratitude Journal***\n\n\n
Today, I am grateful for the opportunity my writing gives me to minister to others about the goodness of a loving God.
#loss, #grief, #friends, #God
\n\n", "date_published": "2025-05-19T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2025/05/19/the-peonies-are-popping.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","God","Change","Friends"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2025/03/13/springtime-in-west-virginia.html", "title": "Springtime in West Virginia", "content_html": "\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/14df42bfa7.jpg\")
I heard spring peepers Tuesday night! Ok, it may be FAUX Spring….but what a delicious reprieve from the worst winter we’ve experienced here in a long, long time. Yesterday was a beautiful day. The temperature soared up to a balmy 81°!!!!! Oh, my….I sat out in the sun in mid-afternoon and it was so hot, I couldn’t stay out too long. Now I’m going to have to acclimate to warm weather…but that sure isn’t a problem for me!
\n\n\nAs you know, yesterday marked twelve years since I lost Mr. Virgo. And it’s funny…this year hit me a little harder. I don’t exactly know why. But that’s the nature of grief, isn’t it? It’s been a very long time since I’ve cried over him. My friend Gail is watching one of her dear friends slowly die of cancer and today was rough for her too. She sent me a link for a song. When I fixed my second cup of coffee, I took it out on the deck, turned on the song, and the tears began to flow.
\n\n\nI talked with Mr. FixIt Tuesday night about it. I reminded him what was coming up and I told him I didn’t understand why this time was hurting me. He held me and told me everyone grieves in their own way and sometimes it’s just harder than others. He makes room in our life for Mr. Virgo. I tell him funny stories and sometimes he even brings him up. Like one time, we were behind Mrs. FixIt 1.0’s house and her property drops off into a wide ravine. Mr. FixIt stood at the edge and looked down to see a buck with a huge rack and he said he immediately felt like Mr. Virgo was standing there with him. He smiled and said out loud, “Thanks for bringing the buck, buddy.”
\n\n\nI’ve been married four times. Some people would be embarrassed by that, but not me. I’ve married four really great men in my life. They’ve helped make me who I am and I love them all to this day. Two of my other former husbands have had life threatening health issues that could have killed them. One has died and Mr. FixIt has had two small strokes. You’d think men would stay FAR away from me, wouldn’t you?
\n\n\nBy the end of the day, I was back on an even keel and ready to conquer the next thing. Today is bread baking day…I sure hope it’s better this time!
\n\n\n💚
\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n“Every time I think of you, I give thanks to my God.” Philippians 1:3 NLT
\n\n
***Gratitude Journal***\n\n", "date_published": "2025-03-13T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2025/03/13/springtime-in-west-virginia.html", "tags": ["Grief","Wisdom","Memories"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2025/03/12/today-is-mr-virgos-th.html", "title": "Today is Mr. Virgo's 12th Angelversary", "content_html": "\n
Today I am grateful for the memories I have and that God saw fit to grace me with a wonderful man to ride into the sunset with. I think in many ways, He saved the best for last.
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/e8c904e6dc.jpg\")
The time keeps marching forward… further away from the actual loss. That doesn't mean he's gone from my memory or my heart.
\n\n\nFor those of you who are grieving the loss of your special person, my heart is with you. Your grief is the worst in the world for the precise reason…it is YOURS. You watch the world around you in a dazed fog, trying to figure out which is worse…accepting their death or pretending they're just away on a trip. You feel like half of you is missing. You can't imagine living another day, let alone a week, a month, or years. I hear you. I didn't either. You move from thing to thing, mindlessly. You don't eat much, and when you do, it's likely a bowl of cereal standing over the sink. You spend money you shouldn't because you thing, \"Why not? There's no way I'm going to survive this so I might as well spend to soothe.\" That's not a viable coping strategy…trust me. You lose all the color from your world…there's no music, or feelings, or hope, it seems. But, let me tell you…there is hope. I'm here as proof.
\n\n\nWith less money, more wrinkles, and changes that can't even be described. But one day, you'll see colors. You'll hear music. and the tears will gradually be replaced with a gentle smile from a memory of your loved one. There will still be waves from time to time, but they don't drown you anymore.
\n\n\nEver forward.
\n\n\nGinny
\n\n", "date_published": "2025-03-12T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2025/03/12/today-is-mr-virgos-th.html", "tags": ["Family","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Comfort","Change","Memories","Healing","Heaven"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2024/09/17/a-walkabout-and-other-stuff.html", "title": "A Walkabout and Other Stuff", "content_html": "\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/bc89a008f9.jpg\")
Some days it doesn’t pay to get out of bed. That’s how yesterday felt. I woke up with a start. Everything was quiet. The blush of dawn had just begun to lighten the world. I felt unsettled and terribly sad. It took me a few minutes to discern what was wrong. Then I remembered the dream I was having just before I opened my eyes.
\n\n\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/fc323e3208.jpg\")
I hadn’t seen Mr. Virgo in several years. I didn’t know where he went or why I couldn’t find him. Then I heard that someone had seen him in Aspen recently. I couldn’t figure out why he was there and not with me. So I drove up to find him and when I did, he didn’t want to have anything to do with me. My heart was broken but he made it clear we were through and to never come looking for him again. The next scene I was standing in a barn. The sunbeams from the slats in the wood held swirling dust motes in their grasp like the water in an eddy. There were two large shapes hanging from the rafters. They were covered in a thin veil that connected them. I stood in the gloom, silently cutting the membrane between the two as my tears dripped to the dirt floor.
\n\n\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/a2c495ebee.jpg\")
This isn’t the first time I’ve had this dream and it always leaves me bereft. It just goes to show you, it’s been nearly twelve years since Mr. Virgo died and grief still smacks me right between the eyes sometimes.
\n\n\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/4e7a1f31e9.jpg\")
I shook it off and headed into my day. I went on a walkabout and found a bunch of turkey feathers. The long tail feather is the largest one I’ve ever found. There were smaller feathers down by the creek. I’m hoping nothing got into my mama and babies I’ve been watching since spring.
\n\n\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/673ab743a2.jpg\")
Lots of wildflowers are still growing down in the pollinator gardens. Pumpkin went on the walk with me. She’s like a dog in that way. Mr. FixIt took my truck in to get the oil changed and the tires rotated while I went to knitting group. In the afternoon, he started a load of laundry and soon came back up to tell me the washer had bit the berry and wasn’t spinning. About that time, he headed to to put the cat up. He came back in and something was wrong with pumpkin. It looks like she may have a UTI so now I need to take her to the vet today. Poor thing. We’ll get her feeling better. In the meantime, I gathered up all the wet laundry and took it out to the farm (at 11:00 last night) to spin it and stick it in the dryer. Having access to this farm is such a blessing. Since it was so late, I just stayed overnight.
\n\n\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/942cd40004.jpg\")
That was my reward for such a trying day.
\n\n\n![\"🩵\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/20310adff2.jpg\")
“The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer, my God, my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.”
\n\n\nPsalm 18:2 ESV
\n\n\n#farm#thefarm#farmlife#resourceful#grief
\n\n", "date_published": "2024-09-17T02:00:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2024/09/17/a-walkabout-and-other-stuff.html", "tags": ["Grief","The Farm","Farm Life","Uncategorized"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2024/06/19/highs-and-lows.html", "title": "Highs and Lows", "content_html": "\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/9d76194883.jpg\")
Another early morning here at Marshmallow Ranch. Mr. FixIt and I headed to town in separate vehicles in order to leave Frieda the Ford at the truck doctor for a little engine work. She needed a new water pump. Mr. FixIt took her in last week to diagnose the problem then shopped around for the best price. He had a business card with the price written by the owner of the shop. When we went back in the afternoon to pick it up, he went back in with me just to make sure the price was what they agreed to. Not so much. He handed me the bill and it was over $100 more. I was glad he was with me, because I wouldn’t have known and would have just forked over the money. The guy didn’t like it but he ended up charging the right amount. I’m not a pushover with people. But, Mr. FixIt’s love language is service and taking care of these things is one of the many ways he tells me he loves me.
\n\n\nWhile we were waiting for the truck, we went out for breakfast then over to our friend’s house to try not to get overheated. Again…late nights and early mornings caught up with me and I ended up stretching out and taking a nap. Mr. FixIt watches the house for his friend so we can come and go as needed as long as no one’s there. It’s come in handy many times. When I woke up, I suggested we run up to Sam’s.
\n\n\nOnce we picked up the truck, we went our separate ways. I ran over to the big bougie Kroger store in Belpre to pick up a few things and he had a few stops of his own. While I was getting gas at Walmart, Mr. FixIt called and asked me to meet him at the McDonald’s down the road. His tailpipe fell apart. I took him to the hardware store for some wire then he hooked the tailpipe back up as a temporary fix. He has to go to town today for an appointment so he’ll take it into the muffler shop to get it fixed.
\n\n\nIt’s always something, isn’t it?
\n\n\nOne of my dearest childhood friends has been very ill and you all have been praying for her. I anxiously watch for updates from her daughter every day and there wasn’t anything posted on Monday. That worried me. Then yesterday, the news came that the family had made the very difficult decision to call in hospice and palliative care to help support their mom as she transitions. This just breaks my heart. She and I have been through so much together and I know she has gone through some really hard stuff in her life. She has done the work and healed from the demons that haunted her. She deserves peace. But…it’s just so hard to let our loved ones go.
\n\n\nI was just thinking the other day how so many of our contemporaries are passing away. I mean, here we are…preparing to drive across the country for a month long visit with family. And at the same time, people we know and love are in a very different place in their lives…in their journey. This is where we have to chalk it up to “God’s Plan.” We do not know the number of our days. But God does. He counts the hair on our heads and the names of the stars.
\n\n\nI do not want to lose my friend. I do not want her children and grandchildren to have to say goodbye to their beloved. But if it is God’s will that this is her time to Home? Well, then…I pray her transition is gentle, peaceful, and all together glorious as she takes her last breath here and her first breath in heaven. And that all the angels will wrap her family in their silken wings.
\n\n\n🙏🏼
\n\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2024-06-19T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2024/06/19/highs-and-lows.html", "tags": ["Grief","Friends","Heaven"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2024/05/27/decoration-day.html", "title": "Decoration Day", "content_html": "\n“But, as it is written, “What no eye has seen, nor ear heard, nor the heart of man imagined, what God has prepared for those who love him”—”
\n1 Corinthians 2:9 ESV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/ca695a0ce5.jpg\")
Before Congress standardized the holiday as “Memorial Day” in 1971, we called it Decoration Day. It was always on May 30th, then with the change in ‘71, it began being observed on the last Monday in May. That was the day we went to the cemetery and dressed the graves with flowers and placed American Flags for the Veterans.
\n\n\nAs long as I can remember, we dressed in our Sunday best clothes and went to visit my Uncle Sonny’s grave who was killed in Germany when his plane crashed on 5/5/55. I can’t remember him as the last time he saw me, I wasn’t a year old. But I’ve “known” him forever. As a matter of fact, he’s one of the special people I’ll be looking forward to meeting when I get to Heaven.
\n\n\nWe also went to Ravenswood to visit my dad’s people. The thing I remember the most about that was having a picnic supper right in the cemetery. They set up sawhorses with platters of food and I’ve always thought that was so odd. Decoration Day was always a solemn affair for my family. The loss of my Uncle Sonny was a pain that seared itself into the fabric of our beings. A generational sadness that hummed just beneath the surface like an undercurrent of electricity.
\n\n\nI didn’t put out flowers this year. Perhaps I’ll get some on sale after the holiday. Someone suggested you go back to the cemetery to retrieve your flower arrangements to use the following year. They aren’t cheap these days. We are supposed to have a much cooler day today than yesterday, so we may go out and visit Mr. FixIt’s people.
\n\n\nWe didn’t get much of anything done yesterday. It was 85° and we had severe thunderstorm warnings from 4:00-9:00pm. It was just too hot to do much. I think we’re going to have to give in a buy a window air conditioner for the family room. There is absolutely no sense whatsoever to run the whole house AC when we aren’t back in that area. The only place we really need it is where we spend the most time.
\n\n\nIt’s getting to be too hot for cooking in the kitchen. It does nothing but heat up the house. So we eat a lot of salads and sandwiches when it’s this hot. We always have a hot breakfast though. I haven’t grilled out yet. And I’ve been thinking about getting some ribs or maybe a pork picnic roast for the smoker. Corn on the cob hasn’t been too bad for this time of year. Mr. FixIt bought a watermelon the other day and I’m looking forward to cutting into it today.
\n\n\nAnd, just like that, tomorrow is June!
\n\n\n🌼
\n\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2024-05-27T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2024/05/27/decoration-day.html", "tags": ["Family","Grief","Holiday"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2024/05/07/the-perspective-of-time.html", "title": "The Perspective of Time", "content_html": "\n“Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.”
\nMatthew 5:4 NIV\n
![\"Sands](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/b7d139b1b9.jpg\")
I have a group of gals who get together periodically and camp. We have a group text where we catch up and plan camping trips and figure out who’s bringing what for meals. Yesterday, we received the sad news that one of the gals lost her husband last week. He was quite a bit older than her, but was generally healthy till the last couple of months so she certainly didn’t expect to become a widow that day. Then again, who does?
\n\n\nI also received a text from Hubby #2 asking for some dates he needed. I had to sit for a few minutes and try to figure out…when were we married? When were we divorced? It gave me pause. An event that I truly thought I couldn’t possibly survive, let alone recover from, had become more of a distant memory than anything else. It isn’t in the forefront of my thoughts. To be able to be friends now is so much more important to me.
\n\n\nTime is such a slippery thing. When I was newly divorce, and newly widowed, I was wounded to my core. The future was indecipherable…unimaginable. There were so many questions. Would I ever survive this? Would I ever find joy again? Would I ever have peace? You can’t imagine that the answers to any of these questions would be yes!
\n\n\nThat doesn’t mean the hard things go away. There is a place in my heart that still grieves over the loss of that marriage. You aren’t with someone 20+ years and not be affected for the long term. I still have dreams about him. Some say that’s unfinished business. I say that’s your heart rewriting the story to fit reality. My grief from divorce was similar in ways to the grief of losing Mr. Virgo.
\n\n\nHearing of my friend’s arrival to widowhood made my heart ache for her. When you’ve been down this road, you have an understanding…an unspoken kinship. You just “get it” at an entirely different level than someone who hasn’t experienced that loss…yet.
\n\n\nIf you or someone you know is grieving, please know my heart is with you. There are no rules, no guidebooks, no recipes of how to get through such a loss. You just have to look for support where you can get it, and keep moving forward…one day, one hour, one minute at a time. Till you can breathe again.
\n\n\n💔
\n\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2024-05-07T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2024/05/07/the-perspective-of-time.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Healing"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2024/04/08/be-a-good-human.html", "title": "Be a Good Human", "content_html": "\n”The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.“
\nPsalms 34:18 NIV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/e86e42d1bf.jpg\")
I sat in the car in the parking lot, waiting for the hour of visitation. I called Daughter #1 to pass the time and catch up with her week. She was on spring break and her voice was light and happy and well rested. It did this mama’s heart good. I listened carefully…enjoying every moment I got to hear her voice. It’s hard being so far away from her. When she had shared her latest exploits, it was my turn. I told her I was preparing to do a good human thing. A Pastor friend of mine shared a post asking for community support for a woman I did not know. I rang off and headed inside.
\n\n\nA woman was sitting inside the funeral home…shell-shocked, red-rimmed eyes, with a stare I immediately recognized as profound grief. I’ve never met this lady, but I know her mama’s heart. She was sitting in a room with her son. Another woman sat silently on the other side of her. Her daughter was laying in what looks like a homemade casket that was painted grey and there was a massive spray of funeral flowers on top.
\n\n\nWhile I stood in line, I looked at a large array of photos carefully attached to a foam core board. A display of this life cut short. I saw photos of the little boy she was while growing up. A serious, sensitive face with deep, soulful eyes. My eyes roamed over her life as she became who she was meant to be so that her outside matched her inside. These photos were profoundly different. Smiling eyes, rolling laughter, silly shenanigans. Her long, soft hair was the color of amber honey.
\n\n\nThese smiles were deceiving. She was happy to be who she was, but…like so many in the LGBTQ+ community, she was soundly ostracized for her expression of self. Junior High and High School were scarred with relentless bullying till the once happy and bubbly girl retreated and became socially isolated. I don’t know the details of her passing, but I can read between the lines.
\n\n\nWhy did I come here? Because, when my youngest child was growing up, we went through the same things. While she isn’t trans, she is non-binary and that made her different. And different is a target. I came to show this bereft mama bear that she wasn’t alone…that her daughter’s life meant something to the world. The world just wasn’t ready for her. Not here, anyway. Not in WV.
\n\n\nThe local political commercials are chock full of hateful anti-trans rhetoric. Grown-assed adults standing up there in front of the camera spewing fear, hate, and anger all over these humans who are only trying to be left alone to live their lives and do the best they can to figure it all out. What must it be like to KNOW you aren’t wanted? That you are reviled and thought of as less than human? What must that do the adolescent and young adult psyche? It chaps me to no end.
\n\n\nWhy can’t those who profess to be Christian just love like Jesus loves? I read a meme about Jimmy Carter yesterday… “Jimmy Carter is an elegant reminder that Christianity is a practice, not a declaration.” If you love Jesus, act like Him. Show some compassion. Hug a stranger in their grief. And if you hear of a member of the LGBTQ+ community that has passed away in their prime, don’t be afraid to go to the visitation and hug their mama. You DON’T have to agree with the person’s life choices to be a kind and compassionate human. We as a people are so busy judging others, we’re forgetting the most important lesson Jesus left us with.
\n\n\n“If you love me, keep my commandments.”
\n\n\nYet Jesus also said, “I give you a new commandment: love one another. Just as I have loved you, you must also love one another.”
\n\n\nBe a good human.
\n\n\n💔
\n\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2024-04-08T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2024/04/08/be-a-good-human.html", "tags": ["Grief","Love","God"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2024/03/29/so-long-my-friend.html", "title": "So Long, My Friend", "content_html": "\n”My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. You are my friends if you do what I command.“
\nJohn 15:12-14 NIV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/13fafb821b.jpg\")
I heard yesterday that we have lost a dear friend in the camping community. I met Lynn Butler soon after I moved back home to West Virginia. She was the ultimate girl camper. She owned Setzer’s RV in Huntington, WV and hosted Girl Camper College a couple of times. I was fortunate to get to camp with her once. And there was a story that went along with it.
\n\n\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/3673211297.jpg\")
Remember when I had the honor of traveling around with the R-Pod 196 and I camped all over West Virginia? Well, I was traveling for a couple of weeks with Janine…Camper-in-Chief of Girl Camper fame. We attended the big RV Show in Elkhart, Indiana then moved on to the RV Show in Pennsylvania where we picked up the R-Pod.
\n\n\nWhen the Hershey Show was over, Janine and I drove down to our place here at Marshmallow Ranch and camped overnight before we headed to a camp out at Girl Camper College at Beech Fork State Park. If any of you have ever driven up the road to Beech Fork, you know it is narrow and twisty-turny. We were coming around a curve and there was a truck coming right at me in my lane. I scooched to the right and my right wheel dropped off the pavement. We moved on a little bit, but I could tell I definitely had a hitch in my get-along.
\n\n\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/f6ca59b977.jpg\")
Lynn on TV in one of her commercials!
\n\n\nLynn was driving with us and Janine was following with her camper. I finally found a driveway I could pull into and Lynn stopped with us. In her expert opinion, she wanted the trailer hauled back to the dealership to fix it. She called her service guy and he was there in a heartbeat. I drove on with Lynn and she put my up in her Riverside Retro so I could still camp out. I was so embarrassed because I hadn’t been towing the new R-Pod for ten minutes!
\n\n\nSetzer’s RV was Lynn’s mom’s business. Lynn took over when her mom couldn’t do it anymore. And, now that Lynn is gone, her daughter is doing the same. Lynn was a force of nature. An excellent business woman. A good friend. A fabulous mother and grandmother. And avid Marshall fan. I wish I would have taken more opportunities to camp with her. But I will always remember her generosity and kindness.
\n\n\n![\"Sunset\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/3660790051.jpg\")
Whenever I hear of a loss like this, it makes me pause and ask myself, “Am I doing all I can to be a good person and contribute to the world?” Lynn was four months younger than me. It’s sobering to lose your contemporaries and it seems to be happening more and more often these days. It makes you stop and take inventory. We don’t know when it’s our last day, and I know I have a ton more I want to accomplish. None of us are getting any younger.
\n\n\n🌷
\n\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2024-03-29T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2024/03/29/so-long-my-friend.html", "tags": ["Grief","Aging","Friends"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2024/03/27/spring-rains.html", "title": "Spring Rains", "content_html": "\n”For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.“
\n1 Corinthians 13:12-13 NIV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/6520d0179e.jpg\")
Yesterday was a sad day with the news of the bridge collapse in Baltimore. I shared a video of the collapse on my personal page and remarked that leading up to the ship hitting it, there was quite a bit of traffic crossing over. But in the moments before, I didn’t see nearly as much traffic. Turns out, when the police were alerted to what was imminent, they stopped the traffic from going on the bridge. They saved many lives, I’m sure. It would have been an entirely different scenario if the collapse would have happened during rush hour than at 1:30am when it came down.
\n\n\nAlso, one of our readers and frequent contributors to our conversations here lost her son unexpectedly. Please pray for Pam and her family as well as those families who lost loved ones yesterday in Boston.
\n\n\nIt rained like crazy here all night and all day. I woke up to the sound of rain on the roof of the camper, then along about 4:30 or so, the thunder woke me again. I drifted off again both times, but when I woke up and looked at the weather app, the radar indicated a torrential downpour was about to hit. I jumped up and came inside to avoid having to walk through the rain. I was up quite a bit before Mr. FixIt so I started crocheting the second shark slipper.
\n\n\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/c6d6684073.jpg\")
When we were in town on Monday, we found that dishwasher at a really good price. I wanted to just go ahead and get it, but Mr. FixIt said no, we’d pick it up later. Then, during the night, I realized after today, the two sales no longer overlap and we wouldn’t get as good of a deal. It didn’t occur to me till Mr. FixIt brought up the dishwasher again, that I meant to tell him about that. So, at 8:45 last night, we jumped back in the truck and headed for town to buy it. I don’t even want to figure in the extra gas making an extra trip to town cost.
\n\n\nGosh, I get tired of being so far out of town. On the one hand, I love living out in the country on our five acres. On the other hand, it seems like we are forever making that drive. I’m going back in today to pick up my bonus daughter and we’re meeting her mom to do a little shopping and have lunch. I’m getting spoiled with all these “girl’s days!” My friend Deneene is coming through town on Friday so I’m coming back in to meet her for coffee!
\n\n\nI was making supper last night and looked out the window. All this extra rain and warmer days is making the grass grow really fast now! I told Mr. FixIt we’ll be mowing in just a few more days. And so it begins!
\n\n\nI wrote this sitting in the camper last night and the creek out front is roaring from all the rain. I think we got 1.5” in about fifteen hours and the ground was already soaked. The sky was clear and the stars were bright when I came out here. And the frogs are calling. I turned the fridge in the camper on. I had it open all winter to keep it aired out. When I opened it last night to check to see if it was working, it smelled a little funky. I opened the freezer to touch it and there was a package of ground turkey in there! It’s been in there all winter!!! Thank goodness I found it before it gets any warmer out. Ugh! I’ll pick up some baking soda when I’m in town today.
\n\n\n🌷
\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n”Be glad, people of Zion, rejoice in the Lord your God, for he has given you the autumn rains because he is faithful. He sends you abundant showers, both autumn and spring rains, as before. The threshing floors will be filled with grain; the vats will overflow with new wine and oil.“
\nJoel 2:23-24 NIV\n
#Spring, #Rains, #Dishwasher, #FarmLife
\n\n", "date_published": "2024-03-27T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2024/03/27/spring-rains.html", "tags": ["Grief","Farm Life","Home"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2024/03/13/celebrating-mr-virgo.html", "title": "Celebrating Mr. Virgo", "content_html": "\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/48035fbc91.jpg\")
Yesterday marked eleven years he’s been gone. Mr. FixIt held me the night before and kissed the top of my head. His voice was soft as he stroked my hair and offered me love and support. I thanked him for making room in our marriage for Mr. Virgo’s memory. He said, “Of course! He will always be a part of your heart and mind.” He’s such a wonderful man.
\n\n\nEvery year is different, yet the undercurrent of “gone, but not forgotten” runs ever present…like the background hum of electricity. We celebrated Mr. Virgo yesterday with one of the meals he taught me to make. Liver and onions. I hated that meal when Grandma made it. She cooked it to death and it tasted dry like shoe leather. Mr. Virgo taught me to flash fry it and serve it when it was just barely pink in the center. The onions had to be browned low and slow to get that beautiful caramelized finish that really brings out the flavor. I added steamed fresh asparagus and air fried seasoned potatoes.
\n\n\nI also baked an apple pie. This is the second time I’ve used the wrong apples and been disappointed with the results. I used eating apples instead of cooking apples because that’s what I had that needed using up. At any rate, when I served up a slice to Mr. FixIt, I told him what Mr. Virgo would say. Every time he heard that I had been a competitive baker, he’d snort with mock derision and say, “Well, I wouldn’t know anything about that…she never bakes for me!” There was a reason…if I baked, we’d eat the whole thing. As it was, I gained a lot of weight when we were together because I got tired of cooking myself a separate meal and I began eating all that yummy meat and potatoes he was so fond of. I really have to watch it here because in typical male fashion, West Virginia comfort foods are in big demand.
\n\n\nWe need to plant the irises that we dug up in the vacant lot Monday afternoon. We’ve settled on an area along the fence along the top of the stair well to the basement. We see it every day, and it’s nice and warm there, well drained and full-sun. I can’t wait till they bloom. They are as close to black as you can get in a flower. The spot we chose has sunk down over the years so we are going to dig up some dirt from the creek bank and then put topsoil over that. We have a bunch of rock that surrounded an old flowerbed and I want to place them around the periphery.
\n\n\nThe afternoon was so warm and sunny. While the pie was baking, I took a walk down to the pollinator gardens to see if anything is popping up and so far it’s just grasses. We don’t even have dandelions yet. It won’t be long though. I came back up in time to take the pie out of the oven, then pulled my chair out of the building and sat in the sunshine to knit for a while. I’m nearly finished with the first sock of Sue’s pair.
\n\n\nFriends checked in throughout the day and sent their loving thoughts. It was a great day to toast an awesome man…WITH an awesome man!
\n\n\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/9133110c48.jpg\")
This is an awesome life and I am filled with gratitude for its beauty.
\n\n\n🌷
\n\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2024-03-13T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2024/03/13/celebrating-mr-virgo.html", "tags": ["Grief","Love","Healing"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2024/03/12/dont-ask.html", "title": "Don’t Ask", "content_html": "\n”And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds,“
\nHebrews 10:24 NIV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/6abd4e7d39.jpg\")
I scour comments on FB as a study of human character. It deepens my understanding of people…especially in my work as a grief mentor and writer. Most often, people do their level best to say the right things when attempting to comfort someone. But try as they might, there are always going to be clinkers thrown out that may cause deep pain…however unintentional.
\n\n\nOne of the most common questions I hear asked of the newly bereaved is… “How did they die?” One would think it is perfectly reasonable for someone who has close acquaintance to the recently departed to inquire such a thing of the family. In the shock of such bad news, we may want to know how a person died because it triggers fear in us. Think Covid. We could be thinking, “Did they have a disease? Could it be something going around and could I be next?” It’s human nature because we feel threatened by not knowing. It makes us anxious. We want to protect ourselves from what happened to them, whether we consciously realize it or not.
\n\n\nWith the advent of social media, the lines of etiquette have been blurred. Hiding behind a screen, some people are emboldened to ask things they may or may not in a face to face conversation. This is especially true when the death is unexpected and the descendant is young. No one on my blog or my personal page has asked such a thing, but I’ve seen it on other pages.
\n\n\nThe rule of thumb is, if the family has not offered a reason, then we must assume it is not our place to know. I found myself comforting everyone else when Mr. Virgo died…in the ER, at the funeral home, in the street. Everyone deals with grief in their own way. Some want everyone to know. Some can’t bear to say the words out loud. Follow their lead and don’t ask unless you are immediate family.
\n\n\nThat being said, what DO you say?
\n\n\nFirst, ask God to bring you the words.
\n\n\nAdmit there ARE no words that can make any of this better and you are so terribly sorry.
\n\n\nLet them know your heart breaks for them.
\n\n\nTell them your heart is with them.
\n\n\nTell them you are praying for them and their loved ones.
\n\n\nTell them something about their loved one and what they meant to you.
\n\n\nTell them a story about something memorable or funny or amazing about their loved one.
\n\n\nSit quietly beside them. A hand laid softly on their back or shoulder can convey so much without words.
\n\n\nListen to their stories.
\n\n\nHand them a note with your phone number with directions to call anytime, day or night. Do not do this if you are not willing to hear someone snot-crying on the phone at 4:00am like my dear friend Deb McCoy did.
\n\n\nIt’s hard to know what to say or do. Try to “read the room” and go by the cues from those grieving the loss. Honestly, if I hear one more journalist ask grieving people what it felt like when they find out their loved one was gone, I’m going to pop a gasket. I’m usually screaming at the TV. “What the **** do you THINK it felt like, you moron!!!” It makes me crazy!
\n\n\nBut, I digress.
\n\n\nJust be a good human and love on people…gently, quietly, with peace and grace.
\n\n\nThat’s all anyone can ask.
\n\n\n💔
\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n”Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.“
\nMatthew 5:4 NIV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/5b5a991fe9.jpg\")
Mr. Virgo \n09/10/1950 ~ 03/12/2013\nYour Memory is a Blessing.\n\n", "date_published": "2024-03-12T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2024/03/12/dont-ask.html", "tags": ["Grief","Grace","Wisdom"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2024/03/10/a-terrible-loss.html", "title": "A Terrible Loss", "content_html": "\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/f094c1ad65.jpg\")
We were young and in love…the first love for each of us. We got married young and I moved to England where my first husband was stationed in the Air Force. A year later, we had our only child together…my “sweet little pink bundle,” as my mom called her. Time went on, and as can happen when you marry young, our relationship didn’t last. We went our separate ways and a few years later, we each remarried.
\n\n\nHubby #1 and his new wife had a baby of their own…a little boy. Bright and spunky with a million questions, Daughter #1 was smitten with her little brother. He arrived the summer she turned thirteen and she always looked forward to seeing him when she visited her father. He became a good caricaturist and drew magical creatures and anime characters. He never married and found a career at the local Kroger Store. He rode his bike all over town. On his dad’s last birthday, he bought him a book of “Dad Jokes” that ended up as daily posts on Facebook for all to enjoy. He had a kind heart and always looked for the good in people.
\n\n\nI received a text Friday afternoon from Hubby #1 that broke my heart. His son..that gentle giant of a man…died unexpectedly of genetic cardiac disease at his home. They found him there when he hadn’t shown up for work. Everyone is crushed. Even with all my years as a sort of “grief mentor,” I was at a loss for words. A snatch death is so shocking. They’re there…then they aren’t. But when it’s your child? What can you say? There are no words that can offer comfort or change things.
\n\n\nWe are tempted to TRY to change things and make them better when someone we love is hurting. There are things we can do. It’s customary to bring food to the home of the bereaved. But when you live far away, there is still a way to contribute. How about “grief groceries?” You can go online and order some things and have them delivered to them. I’ll do that down the road…they have plenty now.
\n\n\nIt has always been my belief that if divorce comes to you, there are choices you can make. You can remain bitter enemies and hate each other forever. You can drop out of each other’s lives and never have any contact. If there was abuse in the marriage, often both of those choices go hand-in-hand. In our case, my relationship with my first husband kinda went through both of those phases till I matured and remembered there was a reason we married in the first place. We share a child and grandchildren. I was determined that just because we were no longer married to each other, it didn’t mean we couldn’t still love and respect each other.
\n\n\nI’ve made it a point to remain in contact, befriending his wife, and loving this son of another mother. It’s much better for the kids and grandkids to keep them from feeling they need to choose between us. Love trumps hate…always.
\n\n\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/d303c84280.jpg\")
This is the cover photo on Eddy’s FB page. He was always an encourager.
\n\n\nMy continued prayers go out to my first husband and his wife. And to everyone who knew and loved Eddy. May his memory forever be a comfort.
\n\n\n🙏🏼
\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n”So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.“
\nIsaiah 41:10 NIV\n
#loss, #grief, #comfort
\n\n", "date_published": "2024-03-10T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2024/03/10/a-terrible-loss.html", "tags": ["Grief","Prayer","Comfort","Courage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2024/03/09/spring-ahead.html", "title": "Spring Ahead!!!", "content_html": "\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/2b823e79da.jpg\")
Ohhhhh, how I’ve longed for spring! And I have to say, with the healthy changes I’ve made in the past year, this winter did not get me down like they’ve done in the past. As a matter of fact, a lot of things have changed in the last year. Not the least of which is my anxiety.
\n\n\nI’ve dealt with an anxiety disorder for all of my life. Ever since I was in second grade when I had a teacher that terrorized me and a neighbor of who molested me, I’ve dreaded the attacks that seemed to come from nowhere. I planned my whole life around avoiding situations that might be a trigger and it was debilitating.
\n\n\nThe thing was, except for losing Mr. Virgo, I never experienced a difficult situation WITHOUT suffering severe anxiety. I think the only reason I got through that loss was shock. When I made the drastic change of stopping caffeine and sugar and added the RYZE Mushroom Coffee, I immediately saw a big change. I still didn’t know if it would make a difference during a crisis, but I felt such relief. I figured I’d find out sooner or later when the next stressful situation occurred.
\n\n\nIt’s interesting that when a challenge came that would normally have thrown me for a loop, I felt the adrenaline, but that’s as far as it went. I was dumbfounded. I thought it must have been a fluke. Then another situation and another situation and I found I could cope really well. I can’t express what a relief that is. For the first time in my life, I’m not dreading the other shoe dropping because I know God brought me the answer I needed. He will walk me through anything that comes my way. This is the most liberating feeling I’ve ever experienced!
\n\n\nWe had a gentle day yesterday. A nice breakfast. I am knitting a pair of socks for my dear friend. I am just learning how to customize socks to fit the recipient. Socks are normally too tight for her. So I’m knitting her a pair of roomy socks in an acrylic blend yarn. She doesn't like wool against her skin so I think she’ll really like these.
\n\n\nI went out to the camper last night to write and as I left the house, there was a nice fat toad on the sidewalk. I took a picture and was really disappointed it was blurry. It isn’t the really big guy that’s been hanging around the last couple of years. I hope that one made it through the winter.
\n\n\nWe are supposed to get rain all day today and maybe even snow flurries overnight. Then next week we are back up in the 70’s. And tonight we spring ahead. It will be lighter later and that’s just fine with me.
\n\n\nSomeone dear to me is grieving today. Hold your people close, dear friends…and tell them you love them.
\n\n\n🙏🏼
\n\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2024-03-09T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2024/03/09/spring-ahead.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Anxiety"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2024/02/23/four-thousand-days.html", "title": "Four Thousand Days", "content_html": "\n”….mourn with those who mourn.“
\nRomans 12:15 NIV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/a220579390.jpg\")
In just a little over two weeks it will be eleven years since Mr. Virgo died unexpectedly. Today marks another threshold…4,000 days. Four thousand days ago, I couldn’t have imagined ever living through it let alone to find a life. A happy life. Time is sneaky it can crawl or it can fly. I’ve learned to live in the present while remembering the past. Sometime’s it honestly feels as though I never had him. Others…it’s like it was yesterday. I’ve navigated the past, created a beautiful present and still have hope for the future.
\n\n\nMr. FixIt and I had a lovely day yesterday. It rained a lot with lightning and thunder and fog. It was the perfect kind of at-home day with my sweetie. I knitted for a while working on the mittens. I chatted with friends and participated in my brother’s yearly evaluation via video chat. I made salmon patties for supper. And knitted some more.
\n\n\nLast night when I was taking my evening meds, I sat down and really looked at all the vitamins, supplements, and medications I’m taking. I thought I was just taking 1000iu of Vitamin D. Turns out I was taking 3000iu daily! Up till just a couple of months ago, I was taking 4000iu. It’s no wonder I was spilling calcium in my urine.. I’ve stopped everything with Vit D in it but my women’s 50+ multivitamin. And I made an executive decision. If you stop everything, you don’t know which thing you stopped really made the difference. There are so many positive benefits I’ve discovered from RYZE. I quit the one with Chaga, but I’m not quitting RYZE till I see if the other changes have fixed the calcium issue.
\n\n\nI haven’t had a single anxiety attack since I started RYZE. No more muscle cramps. No more joint pain. No more reflux. No more sleepless nights. I really don’t want to go backwards. It’s only for six months and if all the other changes don’t make a difference, I’ll totally quit. That being said, I was a happy little camper yesterday morning when I took that first sip of the elixir of the gods.
\n\n\nWe have to go with what Spirit tells us. I really feel this is what I’m supposed to do.
\n\n\n🩵
\n\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2024-02-23T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2024/02/23/four-thousand-days.html", "tags": ["Health","Grief","God"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2024/02/21/a-good-do-over.html", "title": "A Good Do Over", "content_html": "\n”For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.“
\nJeremiah 29:11 NIV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/9701c199da.jpg\")
Way too big! Time for a do over!
\n\n\nWe had a less than stellar meal at iHOP a couple of weeks ago. Mr. FixIt contacted them via email and they offered us a complimentary meal as a replacement. I was writing my post last night and thought to myself, “I should ask Mr. FixIt to go with me and we can go to iHOP for breakfast.” It wasn’t fifteen seconds when he turned to me and said, “I should go in with you tomorrow and we can go to iHOP for breakfast.” This guy is so tuned into me, it’s scary! lol
\n\n\nI had to go to town yesterday to deliver a lab specimen so we drove on up the river to get some pancakes. This time it was perfect! We always have good luck there…that one time was just a fluke.
\n\n\nWhen we got home, I started working on this pair of mittens that I’m knitting. I know you are supposed to knit a swatch, but I almost never do. Most of the time, I get by without a problem, but this time the mittens were coming out WAY too big. Now I’ll have to rip this one out and knit a swatch so I can get the size to come out right. I really hate frogging (ripping out) a project but sometimes it’s necessary. If you’re going to put all this time and effort and the expense of the yarn into a project, you want it done right. I’ll work on it more today.
\n\n\nWe had an unexpected death in our family this week. We weren’t terribly close, but I knew her and really loved her. She was so kind and generous and will be dearly missed. A mother will bury her daughter. I cannot imagine that pain. I have held sacred space for some who have lost their children and their grief seems like my times a million. Parents aren’t supposed to bury their kids…no matter what age they are and my heart breaks for these families.
\n\n\nOur weather is warming this week. These are the sneak peeks of spring that we get in February. Back in 2018, we got so warm in February that the spring peepers started calling. Another symptom of the drastic weather changes we are seeing. These false springs give us hope of warmer days ahead. Mr. FixIt and I went outside last night to watch the moon. The sky was crystal clear so it will be another chilly night, but tonight might be warm enough to go “camping.” I love the mattress in the camper…memory foam and high count sheets. I camp like a girl!
\n\n\n🩵
\n\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2024-02-21T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2024/02/21/a-good-do-over.html", "tags": ["Family","Grief","Farm Life"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2023/12/17/the-new-santa-story.html", "title": "The New Santa Story", "content_html": "\n”When I consider your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place,“
\nPsalms 8:3 NIV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/daea999813.jpg\")
Mr. FixIt went to the retiree luncheon yesterday and I stayed home to fiddle around in the kitchen. I want to make some Cranberry Walnut Bread, but I didn’t have oranges or orange juice. I ran over to the Pig to get some and when I walked in the door, I was faced with… The Christmas Story. Like in the movie. There was someone in the pink bunny suit with a Red Rider BB Gun…authentic clear down to the horn rim glasses. They had a huge “Cookie Bar”…like a salad bar, but with twenty kinds of cookies! You could fill a box for $5.99 a pound. I got a big box for the neighbor children.
\n\n\nI turned to go on through the store and there was Santa! He was a BIG guy! All the kids were coming around and I don’t know how he did it…but he KNEW their names! You should have seen the look on their faces…it was priceless. I watched them and I was struck with the memory of a vastly different visit with Santa ten years ago. If you’ve been around for some time, I’m sure you’ve read the story.
\n\n\nWhen the kids were gone, I had a moment to visit with the jolly old elf. I asked him if he’d like to hear a Christmas story. I told him about losing Mr. Virgo and how sad I was facing my first Christmas without him. I told him about going to the mall for hugs and watching Santa with the children. I told him how Santa motioned for me to come sit with him and how I couldn’t talk because I knew I would cry. Then, I told him that I whispered to Santa… “My husband died. I need a new heart.”
\n\n\nI wrote that ten years ago. I’ve told that story hundreds of times. And still, when this Santa hugged me, the tears came and it seemed like no time had passed. I asked if I could have my picture taken with him and when I looked at it I realized…the time has definitely passed. There are more wrinkles. My hair has a LOT more grey. But the biggest difference I see is now the smile on my face matches my eyes. Time marches on, doesn’t it?
\n\n\nAs I gathered what I needed and headed for home, I felt Mr. Virgo smiling at my memories of him. He’s always with me…he lives safely tucked away in a quiet little corner of my world. And every once in awhile, I go visit him and we sit quietly in that space filled with love and happy memories. And then…I come back to my beautiful life here with Mr. FixIt.
\n\n\nI know there will be a wonderful reunion in Heaven someday where every day is Christmas Day. Till then, we have so many things to see and do. I love the holidays again! There was a time when I never believed I could, but here I am.
\n\n\n🎄
\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n”I thank my God in all my remembrance of you,“
\nPhilippians 1:3 ESV\n
#Memories, #Mr. Virgo, #Santa
\n\n", "date_published": "2023-12-17T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2023/12/17/the-new-santa-story.html", "tags": ["Grief","Memories","Healing"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2023/12/06/a-time-of-tender-hearts.html", "title": "A Time of Tender Hearts", "content_html": "\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/de3ef109c6.jpg\")
Anniversary reactions. It’s a real thing and it’s predictable. It’s the annual echo of a past trauma that is triggered by events, smells, sounds, dates…any number of things that bring you back to that painful moment in your life. My brother was in a terrible accident when I was in fourth or fifth grade. It happened in the fall and here we are…all these years later. Every year, on a certain autumn day, this feeling washes over me and I take notice of it.
\n\n\nThe last week, I’ve had a tender heart. The best way to describe it is… my heart hurts. There’s a heavy feeling in my chest. Things get to me more easily. I had trouble logging in to see Big’s swim meet and I flat out cried because I might disappoint her and not be able to watch. I went to the store yesterday. When I was putting my groceries on the conveyor belt, I looked to the side and there was a small display of fruit cake. I was surprised to feel the sting of tears. Fruit cake was Mr. Virgo’s favorite holiday treat.
\n\n\nI know why I’m feeling these things more strongly this year. Next Wednesday marks two years since my dear friend Sparky died unexpectedly. My heart just hurts and I miss her so much. It reminded me there are so many others who are feeling the same things this time of year. I’m practicing my grief skills. I’m getting enough sleep. I’m not eating junk food or binging on sugar. I’m trying to stay active and reach out to friends and family for extra support. Practicing self care is difficult when you’re grieving, but it’s vitally important.
\n\n\nI remember my first Christmas after Mr. Virgo died. I forced myself to put up the tree even though I had zero holiday spirit. I felt like I needed to do it anyway because it was his favorite holiday and I wanted to honor that. Then, once everything was up, it pierced my heart every time I looked at it. I waited till after Christmas, but everything came down as soon as possible after. I may have better off to have just skipped the whole thing.
\n\n\nWe came so close to having a family disaster yesterday. I read about a fire on the scanner page and recognized the address. Our grandson and his girlfriend live in that area and it took me a couple hours to find out it was their apartment building. He’s working out of town but she was home. Her little kitty woke her up and she started yelling for help. The firemen didn’t know she was up there till she yelled and they came to rescue her. Her kitty didn’t make it out. We are so grateful they’re safe, but please pray for them. They were just getting on their feet and they have no idea how much of their stuff is salvageable.
\n\n\nBe kind to yourselves during this busy season. You are loved.
\n\n\n🎄
\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n”fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.“
\nIsaiah 41:10 ESV\n
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\n\n\nI love this colorful elephant!
\n\n\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/b768c3961a.jpg\")
![\"\"](\"https://i0.wp.com/www.marshmallowranch.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/11/IMG_4115-scaled.jpeg?fit=768%2C1024&ssl=1\")
So warm and cozy!!! New boots/slippers.
\n\n\nWhether your day is jam packed with chores or you accomplish absolutely nothing… it’s never really wasted. Your busy day got you farther along on your to-do list. But your absolutely nothing day is sure to have nuggets of gold tucked inside. Self care can be absolutely necessary, especially during the busy holiday season.
\n\n\nI didn’t feel like I accomplished much yesterday. I went to the Catholic Church and knitted with the girls. They were making such cute things. One is making little faceless doll babies to send overseas with a charity. Another was crocheting scrubbies on wooden spoons. Those would make great stocking stuffers or tucked in a kitchen gift basket. One found a WIP (work in progress) in her stash and she brought it with her. She and her niece sat together to figure out what it was supposed to be and they decided it was a hat. It was such a beautiful color… like a rich caramel. The other two gals were working with a big bulky yarn… one on a round loom and one knitting. I worked on a hat I’m knitting for a gift.
\n\n\nI went home and cleaned the kitchen from all that cooking then boxed up Mr. FixIt’s wedding ring to send in for repair. It turns out I needed to take it to town to the UPS Store so I grabbed Mr. FixIt and off we went. We had to hang out a little till the UPS Store opened so we went to Kohl’s and walked around. I found a pair of booties that I can wear for slippers and what a deal! They were regularly $49.99 but with the sale, and an extra coupon, I got them for $16! We grabbed Chinese food on the way home and it was a busy and productive day. But the best part happened first thing.
\n\n\nAs I heated up the water for my coffee, I received a notification from someone very dear to me. I don’t know if you remember, but one of my favorite cousins on my dad’s side of the family died a few years ago from an incurable disease. He was my first crush. I was a little girl when he went off to the Navy. I so greatly remember him in his Navy Whites when he came home looking so handsome. His girlfriend was the sweetest person in the world and I was so enamored of them in their late teens/early twenties, riding around and listening to Elvis. It was a heady time for me and I loved them both dearly.
\n\n\nI did my best to help and support his wife….during his long illness and after his death. I provided a listening ear and a shoulder when needed. As time passed, she became more involved in her church and found new friends. I could hear in her voice that she was building this new life for herself. She built a new house. She found her sparkle. But she was absolutely certain she would never find another love…couldn’t even fathom the possibility. Then…
\n\n\nThe phone rang.
\n\n\nIt was a widower she had met from a neighboring church. He had received an invitation to a fancy dinner and it was addressed to him… “and Guest.” The only person he could think of was her. Would she like to go? It didn’t take long and she said yes. I’m thrilled beyond belief for her. It CAN happen. I know it doesn’t for everyone. Many aren’t interested. And that’s ok, too. That really was the high point of my day.
\n\n\nIt was a good day. Love always wins…in one way or another.
\n\n\n🎄
\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n“Let all that you do be done in love.”
\n1 Corinthians 16:14 ESV\n
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\n\n\nTo Every Thing There is a Season
\n\n\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/6f55186d06.jpg\")
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/0ed4b943d9.jpg\")
The dog days of summer are past, the nights are downright chilly, and folks are getting out to soak up the last of the warmth from the sun. Mr. FixIt and I had a slow start to our day. I made my streamlined French Toast for breakfast then headed over to the farm to mow. Mr. FixIt worked on putting the stuff away that he pulled out to install the new garage door. He’s still pretty beat up from working so hard this week and I wanted to get things done so we’d have today to relax.
\n\n\nThe grass was thick and damp at the farm so I had to go over it twice to mulch it. I had to sit on the front porch for a bit and enjoy the fruits of my labor before I headed home. Mr. FixIt wanted to go to town to see the Traveling Vietnam Memorial Wall, so we stopped to pick up some supper and had a picnic at the park then looked at the names. A cousin of Hubby #2 is named on the wall so I looked him up.
\n\n\nA quick trip to Sam’s then we headed home. I needed to help Mr. FixIt put the last of the stuff away that was removed from the garage to install the new overhead door. They predicted rain for last night so we wanted everything picked up and put away. By the time we finished, it was time to write.
\n\n\nI noticed when I opened my iPad that yesterday was my dear friend Sparky’s birthday. She would have been 70 years old. Grief is a funny thing. I’ve lost people I dearly love and it has hurt me to my core. Losing Mr. Virgo was the worst. Losing Sparky was right up there in the top five. My chest still hurts when I think of her and all the fun we had. Even though we graduated from high school together, we didn’t really become friends till I moved to West Virginia after Mr. Virgo died. She kinda took me under her wing and steered me in the right direction when I messed up. She was my confidante…my 3:00am chat partner…the person I went to when I needed to know something. She was a walking encyclopedia. She cussed like a sailor but her heart was an ooey gooey marshmallow. If she liked you, she’d give you the shirt of her back. Cross her and she let you know about it in no uncertain terms.
\n\n\nLittle has “The Gift.” She’s sensitive to messages and communications. She texted me last week and told me my friend came to her and told her to tell me to check in on my brother. I asked her which friend. She said the one who died because she wouldn’t go to the hospital. She said she’s happier on the other side and specifically said to tell me “We’ll see ya eventually, but don’t you dare rush to get here!”
\n\n\nI miss her like crazy…but somehow, that message comforted me. I know I’ll see her again.
\n\n\nEventually.
\n\n\n?
\n\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2023-09-17T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2023/09/17/autumn-makes-me-miss-sparky.html", "tags": ["Grief","Friends","Control"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2023/09/13/in-my-other-happy-place.html", "title": "In My Other Happy Place", "content_html": "\n“But as it is, they desire a better country, that is, a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared for them a city.”
\nHebrews 11:16 ESV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/4ac6bb7512.jpg\")
Any of you who have followed me for any length of time know my happy places. With Mr. FixIt and my family…at The Farm…on the tractor at Marshmallow Ranch…or in the Camper. Yesterday was such a cozy day and I was definitely feeling my happy titer rising. Gail and I knitted for awhile, then went to town, hoping to visit with Lonnie at Mama’s Attic before she closes up shop, but she was closed till today. I’ll try again later. By the time we fiddled around town, I was starving so we went to The Roadhouse for lunch.
\n\n\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/a5a1406330.jpg\")
Gail’s Autumn Sedum
\n\n\nWhen we got back to the campground, it was siesta time. As soon as I got in the camper, it started pouring the rain down. I didn’t nap…I just lay there drifting to the sound of raindrops on the roof of the camper. I seldom revisit my early days of camping when I was newly bereaved and wandered through the wilderness and backroads of Colorado. However, I do let my mind wonder at how different things are now.
\n\n\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/6afd2088b0.jpg\")
After the Rain
\n\n\nI can distinctly remember the very early days of The Grand Adventure. I was barely at my first campsite and I got really sick with a bad cold. I was prepared for just about any eventuality, so I took medicine, ate soup, and stayed cuddled up in bed for three days. I’ll bet I slept twenty hours a day that week. I was so tired. I’d been running around like crazy since Mr. Virgo died. There was SO much to do, and I really hadn’t given myself much time to just be with my grief.
\n\n\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/4c56d7c87e.jpg\")
A very faint but full arc rainbow.
\n\n\nI can’t say I ever became friends with grief. But I did learn how to live with it…eventually. That little camper…TOW-Wanda…was my safe place. My healing place. My cocoon when I could block out the world and just BE. The camper itself is what I became friends with. It’s ability to embrace me and hold my tears and fears for safekeeping. I still feel that magical embrace when I enter my space.
\n\n\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/17ad4cbc60.jpg\")
I am so incredibly blessed to have a husband that holds me close while he lets me go at the same time. He so generous and loving and patient and kind. I miss him tremendously when I am away from him. And when we get back together after time apart, it’s the act of coming home when I feel his warm embrace.
\n\n\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/a6228fec0b.jpg\")
I don’t take a moment of that for granted. I know how fast things can change so I make sure he knows just how cherished he is. Yes, I am blessed with so many happy places. This is just one of them. We called in the owls again last night. This time I got a picture of a beautiful Barred Owl in the tree not twenty feet from me.
\n\n\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/66e36a489e.jpg\")
He sat there for quite a while and never made a sound. By the time I went into the camper, there were several nearby…calling back and forth.
\n\n\nWe are so blessed when we find such goodness in the world.
\n\n\n???
\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n“Heal me, O Lord, and I shall be healed; save me, and I shall be saved, for you are my praise.”
\nJeremiah 17:14 ESV\n
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\n\n\nLooking ahead to the holidays…Meowy Christmas is for those cat lovers on your shopping list!
\n\n\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/89f4044687.jpg\")
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/97490a4781.jpg\")
When Mr. FixIt and I were drinking our morning beverages yesterday, he asked if I wanted to go to town with him. Our Bonus Daughter and her daughter were having a yard sale. Our only great granddaughter was selling lemonade so, of COURSE we had to go. Clearly I had other things lined up that need doing before I head out to camp with Gail tomorrow, but the biggest takeaway from losing Mr. Virgo is just how quickly it all can change. I slipped on my tennies and we were off.
\n\n\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/6a1661ac2a.jpg\")
Fortunately, it didn’t turn into a terribly long day. We had a wonderful time. The kids were playing on the porch. Little Girl and I played Princesses and Little Boy showed me his Slime. The Former Mrs. FixIt was there. Once it was time to go, Mr. FixIt and I stopped at some garage sales down the street and The Former Mr. FixIt was right behind us. We looked at all the treasures and ended up splitting a set of knives. Neither one of us needed all of them.
\n\n\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/146b002be7.jpg\")
At the last sale, we ran into another guy we graduated with. In the course of conversation, there were two other women there who were widows. I made a beeline for them and gave them a hug and asked how they were doing. If you know, you know. We get it. We’re in a club we didn’t ask for. When they learned I went on and married my bestie from high school, they both said they didn’t think that was in the cards for them.
\n\n\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/0d1ab80879.jpg\")
It may not be. Not everyone who becomes a widow or a widower want or need to be in a relationship again. But you never know when God is going to drop someone on your doorstep. If you’re open to another relationship, you’ll likely notice them. If you aren’t, you may not even see that ship that passes in the night. Either way, it’s ok. You’ll know if it’s right for you or not.
\n\n\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/acb10235ef.jpg\")
We stopped at Mary B’s on the way home and had a quick early supper. I almost always get Liver and Onions there. It’s such a comfort food, hearty, and feels like a total splurge while not really being that high in calories. We got home and looked at a couple of episodes of a series we’ve been watching lately. It’s about solving cold cases. That kind of show appeals to my science side and my data gathering skills. I popped some popcorn and then just about finished the kitchen. I still need to wipe down the cabinets, clean the stove and oven, and mop the floor.
\n\n\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/ebee7a635c.jpg\")
Whew, this was quite a chore! I’m really glad to be past this job. It’s a lot easier to keep a room clean, a little at a time every day, than it is to tear it apart and do a deep cleaning. Hopefully we’ll keep up with it. Now I can spend some time getting the camper ready to leave tomorrow for four days and nights of relaxation, knitting, checking out antique shops, and doing whatever our little hearts desire. I think I’ve earned this little getaway!
\n\n\n![\"handsome](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/aaff262793.jpg\")
Today is Mr. Virgo’s birthday. He would have been 73 today. That is hard for me to imagine. He will always be 62 years old in my head. I don’t often dwell on his loss anymore. It doesn’t really serve me and ends up just making me sad. So, I throw myself into a project and think it through in bites…just like getting through the project. By the time I’m through, I have something beautiful to look back on and I’m here…in this moment.
\n\n\nLiving a good life.
\n\n\nHappy Birthday, Mr. Virgo!
\n\n\n?
\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n“She carefully watches everything in her household and suffers nothing from laziness.”
\nProverbs 31:27 NLT\n
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\n\n\nNo ads today. Enjoy your Sunday!
\n\n", "date_published": "2023-09-10T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2023/09/10/getting-things-done.html", "tags": ["Grief","Gratitude","Choices","Farm Life","In the Kitchen"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2023/08/19/another-god-appointment.html", "title": "Another God Appointment", "content_html": "\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/1a71d8efb1.jpg\")
I had such a nice time during my visit at Gail’s. She has a small cottage she used to list on Air B&B occasionally and she knows I love to stay there when I visit. I need a quiet space to write in the evenings and to unwind from all the peopling. I sleep like a rock over there…it’s so peaceful.
\n\n\nWhen I finally got up and moving around yesterday morning, I went over to the big house and had my cuppa with Gail and the pups. As I was packing the truck, I told her I was going to stop at The Corner Store because they weren’t open on Thursday. We said our goodbyes and I headed to Downtown East Palestine.
\n\n\nSo many of the downtown businesses have closed. Some because of their close proximity to the derailment and resulting fire. Others from the ramifications down the line…not enough business to keep them going. I love The Corner Store. They help the developmentally disabled in the community and that is a cause near and dear to my heart.
\n\n\nThe first thing I saw was a beautiful jelly cupboard, much like the one I inherited from my grandma. It was in excellent condition and only $149! I debated back and forth. I sat in the chair next to it and pondered. But my better angels told me I really didn’t need it and I left it there. I did find some good Tupperware pieces that I can use so I got them.
\n\n\nAs I carried my purchases to my truck, I looked across the street from where I parked and saw Mama’s Attic. Gail and I were going to go in there on Thursday, but she wasn’t feeling terrific and we went back home. I put my bags in the car and crossed the street. I’ve been in that shop before but don’t really remember who was working there. What I did remember was Gail telling me the owner had testified at the Senate Hearing regarding the derailment and subsequent mess that was left behind. She also told me the owner was calling it quits and moving away.
\n\n\nI was definitely being drawn to that store yesterday. I had that same feeling I got in church that day when the Holy Spirit was moving me to include scripture in my posts. I couldn’t deny it. I just went. There were a few people coming and going. The owner is a young woman who was chatting with her customers and telling them about the shop closing and about how hard it has been since the derailment. I could hear the emotion in her voice as her eyes welled up with tears. She asked for hugs from those who had come to love on her.
\n\n\nI wandered around the shop finding some truly wonderful treasures. I love hand stitched samplers. Often you find them worked on Aida cloth, but I like the ones worked on linen. These weren’t necessarily old, but they were very well done and they spoke to me. There were a couple of angels that really had to come home with me. And, there was a beautiful white birdhouse exactly like one I had on the front porch of my Colorado house. It’s one of the things I’ve always regretted getting rid of. There was a relish plate that matches my Spode Christmas china. Oh, and a brand new Stanley steel thermos…in the box…from the 1980’s. Everything was very well priced and much of it was half off so I felt like I got a real bargain.
\n\n\nAs I was checking out, I took advantage of the opportunity to introduce myself and explain my writing and work as a grief mentor. I explained that grief isn’t reserved only for the loss of a loved one. We suffer many losses that cause us to grieve. I felt the flood coming. I told her crying is God’s way of cleaning tension and emotion from our hearts and minds in the form of tears. The tears wash this angst away…bit by bit…and allows us to see the way God is working in and around us.
\n\n\nAt one point, we stood with arms wrapped tightly around each other as she finally let go and released so much pent up emotion. We sat between customers and talked softly. I took her hands in mind and prayed for her. I brought her a peach and a plum to help her get some sugar and fluids to replace what she was losing through her tears.
\n\n\nWhen I finally told her the name of my blog, Lonnie stopped and looked deep in my eyes…her voice shaky. She said, “I have something to tell you and you have to believe me. I swear it is true.”
\n\n\nShe is moving away from the area to a house that overlooks the huge fields of a farm. Her sister is having a hard time with her move as they are very close and have always lived near one another. This is going to be difficult for both of them. To reassure her, Lonnie’s sister said, “Just think…you can sit on the front porch with your coffee and watch the marshmallows being harvested!” Some of you may remember how Marshmallow Ranch got its name. It was the summer of 1994 when I took Daughter #1 and her fiancé back to WV to meet the family. While driving through the country, we came across a field of round bales of hay that had been wrapped in white plastic. Daughter #2 was only four years old and she wanted to know what those were. Her sister told her that was a Marshmallow Ranch and this is how they’re grown. Then they’re harvested, cut into little pieces and bagged up for the store.
\n\n\nThat wasn’t the only connection. Lonnie has been finding so many feathers this year. At first, she thought they were signs that things were going to be ok. Then she heard birds were dying and was saddened to think these weren’t blessings after all. That’s when I showed her the photo of my collection of feathers that I’ve picked up while mowing and again, the tears came.
\n\n\nBy the time I left, Lonnie and I exchanged contact information with a promise to stay in touch. There are some people in this world that we are destined to meet, to help, to share information, to connect with. These are our God appointments. And yesterday…Lonnie was mine.
\n\n\nAnd…I think I was hers.
\n\n\nPlease, please, please keep the people of East Palestine in your prayers. What they have gone through is life shattering. The divisiveness of the nation has unfortunately carried over into this situation as well so not only are they trying to survive…they’re also battling the different factions and politics involved. Things are being swept under the rug. I know that sounds like a conspiracy theory, but the stories I’ve heard are the same information from different sources. They need answers. They need the truth. They need help.
\n\n\n?
\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n“Don’t let evil conquer you, but conquer evil by doing good.”
\nRomans 12:21 NLT\n
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
\n\n\nTo Every Thing There is a Season
\n\n\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/f8fe82ef96.jpg\")
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/ac3f1fc1d3.jpg\")
Mr. FixIt had to run to town yesterday so I asked if he would mind picking up some groceries if I gave him a list. He was happy to oblige so that kept me from having to go to the grocery store. I was just gathering my things to head to the farm to mow when Beans texted. They were just getting ready to mow, so that was two for two! I was off the hook with the house to myself for a few hours.
\n\n\nMr. FixIt checked the mail on his way to town and said I had a book in the mailbox and he would leave it there for me. I ran over to retrieve it then fixed my mug of RYZE. I settled in my Big Red Chair and cracked the book open. This is not going to be a fun read. My camping friend Jea Santovasco wrote it about her son, Jay Austin and the love of his life, Lauren. They were the two American cyclists murdered by terrorists in Tajikistan five years ago. The book started out as a personal journal to help her remember the details of what happened after her world stopped and changed her life forever.But after this time, she’s come to realize it may be of some assistance to other grieving parents, so she published it.
\n\n\nJay was an extraordinary human being and had accomplished so much in his short life. I had actually heard of him before I met Jea as he had championed Tiny Home living. To perpetuate his work on environmental issues and sustainability, Jea started the Jay Austin Simply Be Kind Foundation so that he may be remembered. All proceeds from the sale of the book goes to support the foundation. While it is a painful read, it could be helpful to others who have lost a child to a violent crime. It isn’t a book for someone just starting the grief journey. Some time has to be spent experiencing your own grief before something like Jea’s book would be understood and helpful.
\n\n\nI would encourage you to order a copy. Jea hopes to sell enough books to plant a pollinator garden n Jay’s memory. I think we can do better than that! I’m already committed to dedicating one of my pollinator gardens here at Marshmallow Ranch to Jay’s memory. After you read of this extraordinary young man, I hope you’ll do the same. You can purchase the book here: My Stories Since The Death Of My Son Jay Austin: An American Murdered By Terrorists While Cycling The Globe
\n\n\nYou can read a story about the attack from Radio Free Europe HERE.
\n\n\nIt’s hard to imagine the horror Jea went through and continues to go through. On top of the loss of her son, she had the all too common experience of people she thought would always be there for her that just…weren’t. There were those who thought she should get over it. They thought she needed antidepressants, but she wasn’t depressed. She was sad. No one can fully understand another’s grief…no matter how many times they have experienced their own. The Jea I met camping at Blackwater Falls is gone and after just five short years, she still experiences the depth of her pain every day. Some would say this is complicated grief, but I think it’s more a mother’s broken heart that won’t be healed till they meet again someday. I’m just so grateful that she’s still here with us and I look forward to the day we can camp together again.
\n\n\n❤️?
\n\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2023-08-02T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2023/08/02/a-reprieve-from-mowing-and.html", "tags": ["Grief","Strong Women","Warning","Pollinator Garden"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2023/07/24/artificial-intelligence.html", "title": "Artificial Intelligence?", "content_html": "\n“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”
\nPsalms 34:18 NIV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/2371af35db.jpg\")
We've all been reading about artificial intelligence and its impact on the world. The Screen Actors Guild is currently on strike to put some sort of limits on the use of AI in the arts. Authors and journalists alike are concerned about people writing entire books and news articles generated by AI.
\n\n\nI became curious about what would happen if I fed the AI generator certain descriptors that would mimic my own writing style. Would it \"sound\" like me? Would someone with nefarious intent be able to copy my work with enough changes to make it their own? I set out yesterday to see what an AI-generated essay on grief would look like.
\n\n\nI'll be interested in hearing your thoughts on AI journalism. I can see using it to generate headlines or captions for photos. Maybe for a difficult passage, but the ethics of using AI for generating an entire body of work is questionable. So, here it is with an AI-generated picture of \"grief\".
\n\n\nHere is a 500-word essay on grief in the style of Ginny McKinney of Marshmallow Ranch:
\n\n\n\"Grief is a word that we all know, but we don't really understand until we experience it ourselves. Grief is the pain that comes from losing someone or something that we love, that we have a bond with, that we can't imagine living without. Grief is the natural and normal reaction to loss, but it can also be overwhelming, confusing, and isolating. Grief can affect us in many ways, physically, emotionally, mentally, socially, and spiritually. Grief can make us feel numb, angry, sad, guilty, or even relieved. Grief can make us question our faith, our purpose, our identity, and our future.
\n\n\nI know grief all too well. I have lost many people in my life, but none more devastating than my husband of 30 years, [Mr. Virgo]. He was my soulmate, my best friend, my partner in crime. We had so many plans for our retirement years, to travel the country in our RV, to visit our grandchildren, to enjoy life to the fullest. But then he was gone, just like that, in a freak accident that took his life and almost mine. I was left alone, broken, and shattered.
\n\n\nI didn't know how to cope with my grief. I didn't want to face the reality of living without him. I didn't want to talk to anyone or do anything. I just wanted to curl up in a ball and disappear. I felt like I had lost everything that mattered to me. I felt like I had no reason to live.
\n\n\nBut then something happened. Something that changed my perspective and gave me hope. Something that helped me heal and grow. Something that made me realize that grief is not the end of the story, but the beginning of a new one.
\n\n\nThat something was God.
\n\n\nGod was there for me when I felt alone. He comforted me when I cried. He listened to me when I raged. He forgave me when I blamed. He guided me when I was lost. He showed me His love when I felt unlovable. He gave me His grace when I felt unworthy. He gave me His strength when I felt weak. He gave me His peace when I felt restless. He gave me His joy when I felt hopeless.
\n\n\nGod also sent me people who cared for me and supported me through my grief journey. He sent me family and friends who hugged me and prayed for me. He sent me counselors and pastors who listened to me and advised me. He sent me fellow widows and widowers who understood me and encouraged me. He sent me strangers who smiled at me and blessed me.
\n\n\nGod also gave me opportunities to grow and serve through my grief journey. He gave me a new purpose and direction for my life. He gave me a new passion and vision for my ministry. He gave me a new platform and voice for my message. He gave me a new community and family for my fellowship.
\n\n\nGod also taught me lessons and truths through my grief journey. He taught me that grief is not a sign of weakness or lack of faith, but a sign of love and attachment. He taught me that grief is not something to be avoided or denied, but something to be embraced and expressed. He taught me that grief is not something to be stuck in or overcome, but something to be moved through and transformed by.
\n\n\nGod also showed me beauty and hope through my grief journey. He showed me that grief is not the end of love, but the continuation of love in a different way. He showed me that grief is not the end of life, but the beginning of a new life with Him. He showed me that grief is not the end of the story, but the beginning of a new story with Him.
\n\n\nGrief is hard, but God is good.
\n\n\nHe is with us in our grief.
\n\n\nHe is for us in our grief.
\n\n\nHe is through us in our grief.
\n\n\nHe is beyond us in our grief.
\n\n\nHe is our hope in our grief.
\n\n\nHe is our healing in our grief.
\n\n\nHe is our glory in our grief.
\n\n\nAmen.
\n\n\nSource: Conversation with Bing, 7/23/2023
\n\n\n(1) Ginny McKinney, Author at Marshmallow Ranch. [www.marshmallowranch.com/author/gi...](https://www.marshmallowranch.com/author/ginnymckinney/.)
\n\n\n(2) Ginny McKinney - Marshmallow Ranch | Vienna WV - Facebook. [www.facebook.com/Marshmall...](https://www.facebook.com/MarshmallowRanch/.)
\n\n\n(3) Ginny McKinney, Author at Marshmallow Ranch - Page 2 of 335. [www.marshmallowranch.com/author/gi...](https://www.marshmallowranch.com/author/ginnymckinney/page/2/.)
\n\n\n(4) 5 of Ginny McKinney Podcasts Interviews | Updated Daily - OwlTail. [www.owltail.com/people/h1...](https://www.owltail.com/people/h12TW-ginny-mckinney/appearances.)
\n\n\n(5) How your brain copes with grief, and why it takes time to heal. [www.npr.org/sections/...](https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2021/12/20/1056741090/grief-loss-holiday-brain-healing.)
\n\n\n(6) What is grief? - Mayo Clinic. [www.mayoclinic.org/patient-v...](https://www.mayoclinic.org/patient-visitor-guide/support-groups/what-is-grief.)
\n\n\n(7) Grief: Coping with the loss of your loved one. [www.apa.org/topics/fa...](https://www.apa.org/topics/families/grief.)
\n\n\n(8) Grief - American Psychological Association (APA). [www.apa.org/topics/gr...](https://www.apa.org/topics/grief/.)
\n\n\n(9) Grief - Wikipedia. [en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grie...](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grief.)
\n\n\n(10) Getty Images. [www.gettyimages.com/detail/ph...](https://www.gettyimages.com/detail/photo/sad-woman-sitting-on-dark-home-corridor-floor-royalty-free-image/1219297891.)\"
\n\n", "date_published": "2023-07-24T00:00:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2023/07/24/artificial-intelligence.html", "tags": ["Grief","Writing","Choices"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2023/06/07/a-calculated-guess.html", "title": "A Calculated Guess", "content_html": "\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/9fa690da46.jpg\")
The quilt, tucked in its own little storage box
\n\n\nWe ran to town yesterday for Mr. FixIt’s medical appointment and…as I predicted…it turned into an all day ordeal. I didn’t sleep well because I was afraid we’d sleep through the alarm and I was a little concerned about the procedure he’s going to have done. But the doctor was thorough, knowledgeable, and reassuring so I left confident everything’s going to be fine. He’s done over thirty thousand of these so we’re cool.
\n\n\nAfterward, we went on the hunt for the perfect shirt for Mr. FixIt for the wedding. He’s going to wear his grey sport coat over black pants. We went with a monochromatic look and got a grey shirt. Try as we might, we could not find a white shirt that he liked so grey it is. We walked all over the mall to get our steps in and we were really ready to leave. By that time Mr. FixIt’s back hurt and my feet hurt and we were over it.
\n\n\nWe had to stop at Walmart. It seems we ALWAYS have to stop at Walmart. Gas is cheapest there. I had a prescription to pick up. I dropped Mr. FixIt off at Kohl’s so he could just make EXTRA sure the shirt we bought at Penneys was the best we could find. And it was. I swung back to pick him up and we headed home.
\n\n\nI did a little work on the itinerary for the Colorado trip. I finally have a place lined up where I can store the camper while we are visiting in Denver. Then I needed to renew my Good Sam’s Club and AAA. Their computers were the ones not working right this time so I gave up and came out to the camper to write.
\n\n\nI told you I found a box in which to package the quilt for this weekend. I went to Michael’s and found one of those pretty decorator boxes with handles that look all the world like a small trunk. I eyeballed it and thought about the quilt and how I could fold it and I was absolutely certain it would fit exactly within its confines. Granted, when I got home, I had to fold and refold several times to get it to fit, but it finally went in perfectly. The only thing is, I couldn’t fold it so that the tag was visible. I thought that would be rather pretty. But this will do and as you can see, I got that king-sized quilt in there with a little room to spare!
\n\n\nI’ve been a little off my game here the last couple of weeks. I couldn’t quite put my finger on anything, but I felt antsy, anxious, scared, worried. I know this procedure has been looming, but this was more than that. I felt myself watching Mr. FixIt with a kind of curious fear. I couldn’t for the life of me figure out what it was. I had a rough night Monday so I had a lot of time tossing and turning and working it over in my mind. Then for some reason, the thought…”check the days” fluttered across my mind. I have an app on my phone that calculates the days since an event. When I opened it up and did a little calculating, my fear made perfect sense.
\n\n\nI had Mr. Virgo in my life for a certain number of days before he died. I calculated the approximate days since Mr. FixIt and I started dating and…it’s getting really close to the same number. My subconscious has been hyper-vigilant with worry and fear. Thinking things like, “What would I do if the unthinkable happened…yet again?” “Could I survive that?” What if…what if…what if?
\n\n\nOnce I saw it clearly, I understood what I’ve been doing. I’ve been trying to avoid any and all pain. But that is not living a mindful, present life, is it? The Bible says not to worry about tomorrow today. Tomorrow has enough to worry about all on its own. It also isn’t good for our marriage and it’s not fair to Mr. FixIt. But now that I “get it”, I can correct the path and make things right. It made my heart melt into him and I know for a fact that all is right in our world.
\n\n\nAnniversary reactions are a real psychological phenomenon and while this wasn’t an actual date on the calendar, the body memory of my trauma losing Mr. Virgo somehow knew Mr. FixIt and I have been together just about the same amount of time. Grief is not limited to the actual loss. It weaves its way through every part of your life and pops up…sometimes years later…to give you another layer of your “self” to come to terms with. The mind will do whatever it can to protect itself. I’m grateful the Holy Spirit whispered to my heart and told me to “check the days.” It makes perfect sense to me now.
\n\n\n?
\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n“But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart.”
\nLuke 2:19 NIV\n
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\n\n\nEven when it’s been ten years and you think surely you must be completely finished working through grief, you can easily step on that broken rake in the tall grass and it smacks you right between the eyes.
\n\n\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/7a02c41d6f.jpg\")
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/b0e71b364f.jpg\")
Budding Peony
\n\n\nI remember the empty feeling when the first Mother’s Day rolled around after my mom died. I didn’t know what to do with my feelings. It’s different now that it’s been nineteen years, but that doesn’t mean my heart doesn’t still ache for my mom. I dreamt of her Friday night. It was nebulous and hazy, but I knew I was with her and my heart was full when I woke up.
\n\n\nThere are many reasons Mother’s Day might be hard for you. Maybe you’re mom’s still here but she’s suffering the ravages of a medical condition. Maybe she has dementia and no longer remembers you. Maybe you’re mom’s alive, but you’ve been estranged and you haven’t spoken in years. Maybe that’s better for you both and you know being involved would just bring more trauma and pain. Maybe you didn’t know your mom at all and you just want these warm, fuzzy Hallmark holidays to be over with. Maybe you couldn’t have babies or you chose not to. Maybe your babies are furry and funny and full of unconditional love for you.
\n\n\nI remember after losing my mom, other people being showered with love on their special day made me so jealous. And angry. I don’t think my mom should have died the way she did. I think it was preventable, but I didn’t do anything about it because my aunt talked me out of pursuing any legal avenues. So I was left to do what we women do. I picked myself up by the bootstraps and moved forward without her.
\n\n\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/e2f98379c9.jpg\")
“Wanda Belle”
\n\n\nEvery Sunday evening, I still think of calling her. We spoke often, but Sunday evenings were sacrosanct. Our conversations were almost exclusively about her and my brother’s health. When they’d been to the doctor last. What new medicine they were on. It used to frustrate me because it was so depressing. But here’s the deal. You have no idea how that silent eye rolling will come back to bite you many years later. I catch myself doing the same thing from time to time and I apologize. If it’s nothing the girls can do anything for, there’s no reason to burden them with all that kvetching. My youngest said, “Mom…don’t apologize. We talk about what’s going on in our lives and you are in a place where medical appointments start ticking upward. You talk about what you’re doing. It’s perfectly normal.”
\n\n\nI love my girls. I haven’t always been the best mom. But I’ve been the best mom I could be with the knowledge I had at the time. And, like Maya Angelou said…when I knew better, I did better. I hope my girls understand that.
\n\n\nI hope you are blessed this Mother’s Day. I hope you find peace wherever you are on the Motherhood Spectrum.
\n\n\n?
\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n“As a mother comforts her child, so will I comfort you...””
\nIsaiah 66:13 NIV\n
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
\n\n\nNo ads on Sundays to honor the Lord’s Day. I pray your day is filled with peace, love, and comfort.
\n\n", "date_published": "2023-05-14T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2023/05/14/mothers-day-isnt-always-easy.html", "tags": ["Grief","Comfort","Love","Wisdom"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2023/03/14/thoughts-on-grief-and-loss.html", "title": "Thoughts on Grief and Loss", "content_html": "\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/92150b1fe8.jpg\")
I ran across this picture yesterday. It was taken in Rocky Mountain National Park one sunny fall afternoon. Mr. Virgo had his cameras and long lens and was shooting photos of the surrounding mountains. The meadows were full of elk, coyotes, rabbits and who knows what. The sky was perfect and there was a gentle breeze blowing. It rustled the dried grasses in waves of gold.
\n\n\nI brought my pastels with me to capture one of my favorite scenes in the park. The backdrop of purple mountains and the foreground of fall colors was separated by a band of red stick dogwood. The sun was just warm enough to ward off the autumn chill blowing over the early snow on the surrounding peaks. I was lucky enough to spend a few hours there…doing my best to capture the raw beauty around me.
\n\n\nI never finished that piece. I found it tucked away when I was preparating to sell the Colorado house and downsizing my life into what would fit in a few boxes. Unfortunately, it was smudged and something had stained it in the years since. It was beyond repair and I threw it out. Someday I’m going to go back there and try it again….maybe this summer when Mr. FixIt and I go for our annual visit to see my Colorado peeps.
\n\n\nI didn’t work a lot yesterday. I slept like a stone till 11:00. I guess I’ve needed the extra rest the last couple of weeks. I saw on FB that a friend lost her most special person a week or so ago. She couldn’t understand where everyone went off to. She had so many people calling her and messaging her in the days following her loss, then they mysteriously disappeared. She was blaming herself and apologizing for “not handling this better.”
\n\n\nI felt so bad for her because I have a pretty good idea what she’s going through. While everyone’s grief is different, there runs a deep thread of understanding anyone’s loss after going through your own. I reached out and reminded her that most people really don’t know what to say when someone has experienced a profound loss. They think if they contact you, they are somehow going to cause you more pain because they're “reminding you of your loss”…as if you might have suddenly forgotten your heart is shattered in a million pieces on the floor.
\n\n\nI reminded her the reaction of others is no reflection of who she is but who they are…in their own pain or inexperience. I pleaded with her to understand how much she is loved and she is not alone and people haven’t deserted her. People have lives and things to attend to like jobs and families and matters of their own. Their lives haven’t come to a standstill like hers has. Most of them don’t get it…yet.
\n\n\nI look forward to a time when the bereaved won’t have to feel like they’re doing something wrong when they mourn their loss. I don’t want anyone who grieves to have to do so silently thinking no one care or remembers your person. Or worse, to feel like you’re a bother. No one who grieves is a bother. It’s ok to feel your feelings and express your outrage…your pain…your frustration. In time, the need to purge lessens. A sense of control comes back. You’re never who you were before but you’ll find a way to hold your grief while opening your arms to others who have experienced loss themselves. And the more we open our arms, the more healing comes in.
\n\n\nIt’s never gone…this empty space stays with us forever. We just learn how to walk around the holes in our hearts and not fall in all the time.
\n\n\n?
\n\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2023-03-14T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2023/03/14/thoughts-on-grief-and-loss.html", "tags": ["Grief","Comfort","Healing"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2023/03/12/ten-years-gone.html", "title": "Ten Years Gone", "content_html": "\n“And when the chief Shepherd appears, you will receive the unfading crown of glory.”
\n1 Peter 5:4 ESV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/7586092b4c.jpg\")
He was quite a guy.
\n\n\n?
\n\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2023-03-12T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2023/03/12/ten-years-gone.html", "tags": ["Grief","Aging","Memories"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2023/03/11/just-thinking.html", "title": "Just Thinking", "content_html": "\n“When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears and delivers them out of all their troubles. The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all. He keeps all his bones; not one of them is broken.”
\nPsalm 34:17-20 ESV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/90399c3f48.jpg\")
The view near Mr. Virgo’s gravesite.
\n\n\nI awoke at the first blush of dawn. The sky was gray and gloomy and a misty rain fell as the morning light slowly brought the hedgerow into focus. As has happened often the last couple week, my mind went into comparison mode. It seems my life has clearly delineated blocks of time as though I’ve actually lived several different lives. I suppose that is true to come extent for all of us. My major divisions, looking through the wide-angle lens that is 20/20, seem to be “before Mr. Virgo died”, “after Mr.Virgo died”, and…”now.”
\n\n\nI’ve looked back over the time surrounding his death and remember some things so vividly. Others are a blur. The one thing I really remember is the week leading up to his death and the “messages” I kept getting. I had dreams of waking up to find him cold and dead beside my in the bed. I heard voices as clear as day saying, “This is what he’ll look like when he’s dead.” And finally…”He’s going to die today.”
\n\n\nAnd…he did.
\n\n\nAnyone who has gone through such great loss knows the time following the death of a very close loved one knows your mind is gone…not to be trusted…nearly (if not totally) certifiable. It took me several years to rally into some vague form of who I was before. Never totally, but a little closer as the years went by. As I laid in bed yesterday morning, listening to the rain on the roof above me, I contemplated where I am today as opposed to ten years ago.
\n\n\nWhen the light became bright enough to see around the room, I slipped out of bed and padded into the kitchen to put the kettle on. It was not quite 6:00am and Mr. FixIt was still quietly snoozing. I dressed and took my tea to the living room. I have always enjoyed the quiet time in the house before anyone else has awakened. It’s quiet and peaceful. I didn’t turn on the TV or the radio. I just sad in the Big Red Chair and listened to the birds chasing each other around the feeders just beyond the window in the family room while I sipped my tea.
\n\n\nThursday had been quite a busy day and I decided we should just hang out at home and relax yesterday. I’m so glad we did. It felt so good to not have to be anywhere or do anything. I loved it so much, I may just do it again tomorrow. Although, I had a reminder in the mail. We received the invitation to one of the WV granddaughter’s wedding and I really MUST get back to that quilt top. I went over the “Big Project” yesterday with a fine toothed comb and I think I’m just about ready for the grand reveal. So now’s as good a time as any to get back to my sewing nook and get that quilt finished!
\n\n\nIt’s pretty chilly here with a slight chance of flurries over the weekend. I can take it…I’ve seen the promise of spring. She’ll be back!
\n\n\n?
\n\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2023-03-11T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2023/03/11/just-thinking.html", "tags": ["Grief","Comfort","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2023/03/07/moon-over-marshmallow-ranch.html", "title": "Moon Over Marshmallow Ranch", "content_html": "\n“Let us know; let us press on to know the Lord; his going out is sure as the dawn; he will come to us as the showers, as the spring rains that water the earth.””
\nHosea 6:3 ESV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/2efcd613c2.jpg\")
Some days feel magical and yesterday was one of them. We needed to go to town to get the duplicate title for The Big Birdhouse. I looked everywhere…all the places y’all suggested and it just wasn’t anywhere to be found. And, you know what? God has our backs. What I thought was a pain in the butt with two trips to town to the DMV, turned out to save us so much trouble in the end. It turns out, there was a problem with the title. When the gal at the DMV pulled up the VIN number…two vehicles came up. That’s not good. It turns out, when the camper was originally titled, someone made a typo. This could have really mucked things up in the sale…especially for the new buyers, so I am grateful for that.
\n\n\nAs you might imagine, sitting in the DMV on the first Monday of the month was….ummmm…time consuming, to say the least. However, one of our classmates was there and we got to sit and visit for a while. I got called up and Sharon sat with Mr. FixIt. She laughed later and said, “He has great stories!” Ahhhh, my friend…you have no idea. He has a story for every occasion and it’s one of the things I love the most about him. It was really cute when we walked into the DMV. We were holding hands and this woman came out of the building, looked at us, smiled, and said, “Awwwww, how sweet!” We walk hand-in-hand all the time. It’s just who we are.
\n\n\nAfter we finally got out of there, we headed straight to City Park to walk. It was 76° out there and the sky was a cerulean blue with big puffy clouds. We decided to head to Der Dog Haus for a late lunch, early dinner. I’ve been craving ribs lately, and when I saw that one of the specials was BBQ Pork sandwich that’s actually made from the meat from their ribs. I was in “hog heaven”, so to speak.
\n\n\nWe left and headed home with the windows down and the sun roof open. My heart was soaring. I know I’ve said this before, but even though March is the the month we lost Mr. Virgo, there is a day in there that I feel the bars come down and I’m released from the grey gloomies of winter. I remember when I first lost Mr. Virgo, I thought to myself, “If he had to die, it was on the cusp of spring. It would have been so much harder to head into the depths of winter as a new widow.”
\n\n\nOne more week and we hit the ten year mark since Mr. Virgo’s death. I have been sharing stories about him. Mr. FixIt isn’t the only one with great stories. I could listen to both of these kind men tell their stories over and over and never get bored. We enjoyed watching The Voice last night.
\n\n\nAnd we stared at the moon…hand-in-hand.
\n\n\n?
\n\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2023-03-07T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2023/03/07/moon-over-marshmallow-ranch.html", "tags": ["Grief","Gratitude","God"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2023/03/01/a-big-shift-is-coming.html", "title": "A Big Shift is Coming", "content_html": "\n“When I look at your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what is man that you are mindful of him, and the son of man that you care for him?”
\nPsalm 8:3-4 ESV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/c4ab3ffd88.jpg\")
The First Signs of Spring
\n\n\nI went to town yesterday for my appointment and to run some errands. (I lost four pounds! Yay, me!!!) Mr. FixIt and I spend more time together one-on-one than anyone I’ve ever been with. I love living life with him…the simplest things are more fun, more meaningful, just…better with him by my side. We both realize it’s important to maintain our own interests and friends as well. And invariably, when we are apart…even for a short time…we miss each other something awful.
\n\n\nIn less than two weeks, we’ll be commemorating the 10th angelversary of Mr. Virgo’s death. As I drove around and ran my errands yesterday, my mind wandered over how my life has changed in the last decade. There will be a lot of musings in the coming days processing yet another milestone since his loss as well as honoring who he was…to me, to his family and friends, to the world.
\n\n\nI was 59 when I became a widow. I faced my 60th birthday alone…certainly not how I had envisioned it. I am a much different woman than I was the day he died. Changed by the loss itself. Changed by the awakening of my awareness that I was in this for the long haul. Changed by the realization that I was never going to get through this if I didn’t let God lead me instead of trying to slog through it on my own. It was pretty clear to me early on that I would make a terrible mess of things on my own. I am blessed that I found Mr. FixIt a few years later. Turning 70 will be a far different proposition than 60 was. A lot of that is the personal growth I’ve attained in the years since Mr. Virgo’s death.
\n\n\nI got home just in time for Mr. FixIt, Jr’s arrival. He came to put the ridge vent on the roof over over the family room. My sweetie had everything laid out for him so he was done in an hour then sat and visited for a while. I was working on my laptop in the Big Red Chair and I could overhear their conversation. It was easy, gentle. It flowed with the confidence that comes from time, true love and genuine respect. I didn’t have that with my dad. Mr. Virgo didn’t have that with his children. Not all relationships are built that way. Some people are blessed with an easier time of things. Mr. FixIt is a good man. A fine husband. And a wonderful father.
\n\n\nI’m just polishing up the last details on my big project. It should be ready to launch on March 13th…the day after Mr. Virgo’s angelversary. It’s time to honor his memory with something new and fresh and hopeful.
\n\n\nStay tuned!
\n\n\n?
\n\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2023-03-01T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2023/03/01/a-big-shift-is-coming.html", "tags": ["Grief","Hope","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2023/02/26/when-grief-comes-calling.html", "title": "When Grief Comes Calling", "content_html": "\n“‘You’re my servant, serving on my side. I’ve picked you. I haven’t dropped you.’ Don’t panic. I’m with you. There’s no need to fear for I’m your God. I’ll give you strength. I’ll help you. I’ll hold you steady, keep a firm grip on you.”
\nIsaiah 41:10 MSG\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/59f52c1097.jpg\")
After nearly ten years, the grief I feel over losing Mr. Virgo is vastly different than it was even five or six years ago. Almost always, when memories come…it gives me a warm, loving feeling. I am seldom struck with heavy sadness and it isn’t the kind that breaks my heart open anymore. It is such a relief that my road isn’t as rocky and painful as it once was.
\n\n\nThat doesn’t mean that I never feel grief. It still sneaks up on me and it always will. Moving forward in life didn’t mean I stopped loving him. On the contrary. When my heart broke open, it made room in there for more and more love. And that eventually allowed me to let Mr. FixIt in. Our capacity to love should be as limitless as the stars if we truly love as Jesus loves.
\n\n\nWe were watching a show yesterday that tugged at my heartstrings. A long time character that we enjoyed passed away. On this show, he had been a Marine and they gave him full Military Honors at the gravesite. I’ve seen this a few times since Mr. Virgo died and every single time, it cuts through my heart. Every shot from the rifles. Every note of Taps played on the lone bugle. Every fold of the American flag that was draped over the casket then handed so reverently to the family. I can still remember that handsome, young soldier handing me Mr. Virgo’s flag and thanking me on behalf of the President and a grateful nation. It picked at that raw place in my heart that will always and forever be there, even though it normally hides…wrapped in velvety feathers in a beautiful, quiet place deep within me.
\n\n\nWhen the show ended, I gazed out the window. The sun was shining through the chill of a false spring day. I needed to get outside and feel the sun and wind and do something…anything. This life I’ve been blessed with…this decade Mr. Virgo didn’t get to have…makes me keenly away how quickly and easily it can be gone. In an instant. When I am stung by the barbs of grief, I want to make the most of every moment and DO something.
\n\n\nI asked Mr. FixIt if he’d like to go for a drive to Athens to look for that caulking he’s wanting…and maybe get a little supper while we’re out. He never turns down an adventure, so we headed out for the afternoon, had supper at Miller’s Chicken, and stopped to visit with the Former Mrs. FixIt for an hour or so on our way home. It was nearly 10:00 by the time we got home and it was really a most beautiful day.
\n\n\nAs I got out of the truck and began gathering my stuff, I looked up at the stars and was again reminded where I find my help, my strength, my peace. I smiled as I thanked God for blessing us with another day together, then turned and happily padded after Mr. FixIt to the house.
\n\n\n?
\n\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2023-02-26T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2023/02/26/when-grief-comes-calling.html", "tags": ["Grief","God","Peace","Strength"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2023/02/12/grief-isnt-something-to-fix.html", "title": "Grief Isn’t Something to Fix", "content_html": "\n“My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.”
\nPsalms 121:2 NIV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/1f013256e2.jpg\")
When your car breaks down, you call a mechanic. When the drain is clogged, you call a plumber. When you’re sick with a fever, you call a doctor. But who do you call when your heart has been ripped out of your chest and you’re left standing there…holding it in your hands? And you’re still breathing? When it happened to me, believe it or not, the first person I called was Hubby #2. He was a doctor. He was my friend. He’d know what to do.
\n\n\nThere was a whole line of people who stepped up and surrounded me with the sweetest loving support. They held me. They cried with me. They prayed for me. They did everything they could for me and yet…no one could “fix” me. As much as I wanted that, it just wasn’t possible. There was only one person who could and I kept close company with Him. I pleaded every day for Jesus to come and sit with me and hold me close.
\n\n\nEvery day, I cried to God to take this off of me. He did not. I hated Him for taking my husband away. I bargained. I screamed. I threatened. But no matter what I did, He would not lift my grief till it ran its course on HIS time, not mine. It didn’t seem fair. It felt like I’d been robbed. And I was. Any of us who lose a part of ourselves through death understands exactly what I’m talking about.
\n\n\nThere are several of you reading who are walking through this dreadful journey, even as we speak. I know your heart is breaking. I know there is a thin line between fear and anger. I know you feel like a part of you died with your person…as real as if your arm had been amputated. I see you. I know you. I stood where you are standing. Maybe not in the exact same spot, but so similar as to make not a speck of difference.
\n\n\nAs I took my turn painting the hallway yesterday, my heart really wasn’t in it. Painting isn’t my most fun activity and my shoulder hurt and I was in the middle of something I’d much rather work on. I could have stood there grumbling, making myself even more miserable. Or, I could let my mind wander the paths it took me and I slowed my breathing and my brush strokes. I let the word association of analogies take over inside my head and let my arm go with the flow.
\n\n\nIt wasn’t long till the analogy came to me. There will always be people along your life journey that will want you to paint a clean coat of paint over your messy self so they don’t have to be uncomfortable being around you. Blunt, but true. I will hazard to say a rather large number of them have no idea what they’re doing is hurting you. Another percentage will have an understanding that what they’re asking of you isn’t terribly helpful, but they just don’t know what else to do. It has been my experience that very few of them are intentionally mean, but it’s not unheard of.
\n\n\nThere will be times in your grief where you need to gather up every bit of strength and slog through something you never dreamed you could do. There will be times when you cannot find the strength to get out of bed let alone anything truly functional. But please, mark my words, there will be moments of light in the darkness. When you can, string those moments together and wrap them around you like a strand of dim market lights that illuminate a few feet in every direction.
\n\n\nEventually, the color returns. You’ll notice music again. The seasons will change and so will you. Just be careful with those coats of paint. They’re easy to hide behind, but without facing the slings and arrows that are thrown at you, you will miss the gems God throws down in the flames of your life. Pick them up. Tuck them in your pockets. You may not understand what they are all about, but eventually, the Holy Spirit will reveal their meaning to you. Insights will come if you ask for them.
\n\n\nI know not all of you are believers, but I speak to everyone. Place your feet on the Earth and your face to the sky and ask the wind to whisper comfort to your poor broken heart. Ask for healing and wisdom and insight. Hand everything over at the end of the day. I know my God puts them in a special basket for safe keeping and hands them back to me in the morning.
\n\n\nAnd, you know what?
\n\n\nThat basket is always just a bit lighter the next day…sometimes a little, sometimes a lot. But always lighter.
\n\n\n?
\n\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2023-02-12T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2023/02/12/grief-isnt-something-to-fix.html", "tags": ["Grief","Comfort","God","Healing"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2023/02/09/aint-it-good-to-be.html", "title": "Ain’t it Good to be Back Home?", "content_html": "\n“If your heart is broken, you’ll find God right there; if you’re kicked in the gut, he’ll help you catch your breath.”
\nPsalms 34:18 MSG\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/392ea3aa78.jpg\")
The View out Grandma’s Window
\n\n\nBefore I say anything else, I want to thank you all for your wonderful, supportive comments yesterday about my dilemma and what I should do with my brother as he ages. Your words meant so much to me it brought tears to my eyes. I know others who have blogs and I swear…I can’t imagine they have readers as kind and supportive as you all! Thank you from the bottom of my heart…you really made me feel better.
\n\n\nI stayed that extra night at the farm so I could hear the rain on the tin roof. It goes right through me to the depths of my spirit and soothes me. I fiddled around for a while yesterday morning then finally got things put together and headed home. We have had some beautiful sunny days the last week or two. I didn’t get home till 2:00…too late to start painting. We did get a few chores done. We took the big ceiling vent out where the old whole house exhaust fan lives. Mr. FixIt wanted to paint it. It was quite the chore for the two of us, but it wasn’t heavy…just awkward. Of course, now we have a huge gaping hole up to the attic and I’m praying there aren’t any critters up there that want to make their presence known!
\n\n\nIt’s supposed to get up to nearly 70° today! It’ll be a lovely day to start painting because we can open the windows. Hopefully we can knock this job out in a relatively short time because I have lots of work to do on this project and I need to get back to the wedding quilt in a hurry. June will be here before we know it!
\n\n\nWe are coming up to the tenth anniversary of Mr. Virgo’s death soon. I never dreamed I’d survive that, let alone make it ten years! There’s something I’ve put off all these ten years and I cannot put it off any longer. I’ve never put a monument on Mr. Virgo’s grave. I know, it’s shameful. But it was all so…final. It’s the “last thing” and I just didn’t want to face it. I pushed it to the back burner, but it just seems right to do it now. The trouble is, I can’t put my finger on some of the paperwork, so it’s something else that’s been added to the very long list of things I’m working on. At least it’s in the process now.
\n\n\nThis is another one of those things I’m telling myself not to feel guilty about. Everyone’s grief is different and there isn’t a set schedule for when these things have to be completed. Did any of you put those kinds of things off?
\n\n\n?
\n\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2023-02-09T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2023/02/09/aint-it-good-to-be.html", "tags": ["Grief","Gratitude","Aging","Choices"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2023/01/25/still-learning-about-this-life.html", "title": "Still Learning About This Life Thing", "content_html": "\n““Is there anyone here who, planning to build a new house, doesn’t first sit down and figure the cost so you’ll know if you can complete it? If you only get the foundation laid and then run out of money, you’re going to look pretty foolish. Everyone passing by will poke fun at you: ‘He started something he couldn’t finish.’”
\nLuke 14:28-30 MSG\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/4969f4992c.jpg\")
Do you all get as tired of cooking as I do? My sweetheart has been picking up the slack while I’ve been working at my desk. It is very much appreciated!
\n\n\nI’m developing a routine. We kinda sleep in and have a nice breakfast, then I take my tea down to my “studio” in the basement and get to work. What I’m doing has a learning curve and at first I thought I might be past my prime to take on such an undertaking. However, I am pleasantly surprised to note that the longer I’m at this, the sharper my memory is. I’m staying focused for hours where even just a week ago I was having trouble. That is encouraging on so many levels. It makes the old adage “use it or lose it” really mean something.
\n\n\nThe little space heater is under the desk keeping me toasty…except for my hands. For some reason, there is cold air blowing on one corner of the desk and my hands were freezing. I put on one of those fluffy hoodies that I bought at Christmas for all the girls and it did the trick. It has a pouch pocket on the front so I just put my hands in there and warmed them up from time to time. Between that and nice hot mugs of tea…I was good to go.
\n\n\nI kept busy at my desk all day for a reason. It gave me the opportunity to remember my mom and my Aunt Rosie without getting verklempt. I will miss my aunt and our fun conversations. And I always miss my mom. So, when I was finished at the desk, I came upstairs and called Daughter #1 for a nice long video chat. That did my heart a world of good. It was like a warm hug.
\n\n\nI miss my kids being so far away. They are all so busy with their own lives. I only get to Colorado once a year, so these video visits are necessary for this mama’s heart. I think about the technology available today. Video chats were a lifesaver during the worst of the pandemic. Everything from welcoming new babies to sitting in on a funeral…from cooking “with” your grands to reading books with the great grands…things like FaceTime and Skype were irreplaceable.
\n\n\nI have to rely on phone calls with my brother. He has such a hard time keeping his phone handy…he’s all the time “losing” it. I have no idea where, but I did have them put a landline in his apartment and he has a roommate now that is good about getting him to the phone. That makes a huge difference in our ability to communicate.
\n\n\nI’m not sure when we’ll make our next trip out west. We have an outdoor wedding here at Marshmallow Ranch in May for one of my bonus grandkids. Another gets married in June. We might wait till September when the kids go back to school to avoid the crowded campgrounds. We’ll see. I know in April we go to the beach to our timeshare and my bonus son and his wife are joining us this year. They are so fun to travel with!
\n\n\nThat’s all the news for the day, my friends. I used some of the tools in my “Grief Tool Box” yesterday and they really helped me. In the midst of it all, I found out one of the grands was sick and my Nana-brain started to send me down the rabbit hole of anxiety but I reminded myself not to spend any energy on worrying about tomorrow. Today has enough of it’s own to deal with.
\n\n\nHa! Maybe I will get this whole “life” thing figured out after all!
\n\n\n?
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2023-01-25T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2023/01/25/still-learning-about-this-life.html", "tags": ["Grief","Peace","Wisdom","Anxiety"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2023/01/24/the-matriarch-is-gone.html", "title": "The Matriarch is Gone", "content_html": "\n“Don’t fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God’s wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It’s wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life.”
\nPhilippians 4:6-7 MSG\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/747dc276d1.jpg\")
I received the call yesterday and my Auntie Rosie has gone to God. She was in terrible pain after breaking her arm. They couldn’t do surgery because of her mental status and every time you touched her…well, you get the drift. She was under palliative care the last eight days so she slipped away in her sleep. A peaceful transition is the best one could ever ask for.
\n\n\nToday is the “angelversary” of my mom’s passing. The last time I went to see my aunt, I stopped in my tracks as I walked in the door. She was the spitting image of my mom and it was startling. When Mom died on this day in 2004, I called my Auntie Rosie in Las Vegas. We tried to get her a flight through Colorado so we could be on the same plane from there on, but the best we could do at such short notice was to meet in Charlotte and travel the rest of the way together.
\n\n\nWhen we arrived in Charleston, WV we rented a car and headed to the farm. There was only one place to sleep and that was in a full size bed in the “girls’ room”. We lay there most of the night listening to the Asian Ladybeetles tip-tapping on the ceiling. We were afraid to go to sleep for fear our mouths would gape open and we’d turn into bug catchers! We stayed in town at Mom’s house after that.
\n\n\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/4aec888502.jpg\")
When I was growing up, I never thought much about becoming the matriarch of the family. That was for the “elders”. And now…WE are the elders! I always knew I’d get older, but I just didn’t realize it would be so darned fast! I saw a quote by David Crosby of Crosby, Stills, Nash, & Young. “Don’t waste the time. Time is the final currency, man. Not money, not power…it’s time.” I’m determined I’m not going to waste a bit of what I have left. I won’t be laying on my death bed wishing I’d watched more TV.
\n\n\nA had a productive day in my studio yesterday. I got a lot of things done. I did some housekeeping, fixed our supper, connected with family, did some laundry. The laundry is downstairs near my studio so I can throw a few loads in while I’m working. I brought the small electric space heater in from the camper. I placed it under the desk and I stayed much warmer than I did with the gas stove on. And, I didn’t feel sick by the end of the day. I’ll call that a win.
\n\n\nWe don’t have anything scheduled this week till Friday, so I expect to make a lot of progress on “The Project!”
\n\n\n?
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2023-01-24T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2023/01/24/the-matriarch-is-gone.html", "tags": ["Family","Grief","Aging"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2023/01/17/what-doctors-appointment.html", "title": "What Doctor’s Appointment?", "content_html": "\n“So we’re not giving up. How could we! Even though on the outside it often looks like things are falling apart on us, on the inside, where God is making new life, not a day goes by without his unfolding grace. These hard times are small potatoes compared to the coming good times, the lavish celebration prepared for us. There’s far more here than meets the eye. The things we see now are here today, gone tomorrow. But the things we can’t see now will last forever.”
\n2 Corinthians 4:16-18 MSG\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/9640de0702.jpg\")
I had just turned six and My Auntie Rosie brought Cathy from Chicago to meet us!
\n\n\nWe got up and out the door to go to Mr. FixIt’s eye doctor appointment in plenty of time. When we got there, the doors were locked. Martin Luther King Day? Did we miss something? We checked our calendars again and we both had the same day and time. Mr. FixIt called the doctor’s office and the gal who answered said they called us in November to change the appointment to next month. Neither of us remember getting that call, so we came to town for nothing.
\n\n\nWe didn’t let it be a wasted trip, however. We went to Sam’s and the Post Office Box. We went to visit the Former Mrs. FixIt to pick up some cookies she bought for us. Then we went to Michael’s. I’ve seen a new art medium I’m dying to try…Gel Plate Printing. It wasn’t very expensive to get a few supplies and I’ll give it a try. I’ll tell you more about it when I get set up. There are a few things I simply must finish first.
\n\n\nWe stopped at Der Dog Haus for a little early supper before we headed home.
\n\n\nMy cousin called last evening to give me an update. My sweet Auntie Rosie is in the final days of her life’s journey. She’s now in hospice care so it’s just a matter of time. My mom’s last sister. *sigh* But, what a homecoming she’s going to have! She gets to see my Grandma and PopPop and my mom soon. But most importantly, she gets to meet Jesus face to face! And someday we’ll ALL be together again! We are planning a gathering here in WV to spread some of her ashes with her parents and siblings. We’ll spread some at the farm where she grew up. And we’ll get the cousins together for some love. That will be good for all of us.
\n\n\nThe last time I visited with my aunt, she told me when she was old and frail, she didn’t want me to come see her. She wanted me to remember her like she used to be…with vim and vigor. We talked on the phone regularly and we always had stories to share. We laughed and we cried. I am so happy I sent her a copy of the memory book I created after the farm sold so she had all the special old photos and stories. She cherished that and it warms my heart.
\n\n\nLetting go of our elders is sad. With my aunt’s passing…I will become the matriarch of our family. That is sobering. It seems impossible. There’s a lot that’s going to be packed into the next week…and in my next birthday…my 70th. I’m not necessarily sorrowful. I’m introspective and somber. That is normal.
\n\n\nAnd now…a Bible verse for my bold and brassy Aunt Rosie…travel peacefully, dear one.
\n\n\n?
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2023-01-17T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2023/01/17/what-doctors-appointment.html", "tags": ["Grief","Prayer","West Virginia","Aging"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2022/12/23/there-is-no-time-limit.html", "title": "There is No Time Limit for Grief", "content_html": "\n“God and Jesus and angels all back me up in these instructions…..And don’t worry too much about what the critics will say. Go ahead and drink a little wine, for instance; it’s good for your digestion, good medicine for what ails you.”
\n1 Timothy 5:21-23 MSG\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/9a85faa1c7.jpg\")
MY Santa…my very special friend, Greg (Photo Credit: Leslie Coppedge Fore)
\n\n\nThis is the tenth Christmas since Mr. Virgo died. So much has happened since that first Christmas without him. I’ve sold my house and gotten rid of 95% of my personal belongings. I’ve lived a nomadic lifestyle in my camper. I’ve moved across the country. I settled on the family farm…the home of my heart. I’ve become closer to Jesus. And…I found love again in the form of a kind and gentle man who makes room in his life for me and all my baggage.
\n\n\nI can still remember how that first Christmas felt without him. I remember the desolation. The kicked in the gut feeling I had every time I remembered he was really gone. I remember every single thing about the day I sat by Santa and cried. I remember how he placed his hand gently on my shoulder and whispered comforting words to me. He and I are still friends and always will be.
\n\n\nEvery year, I am asked to repost that story at Christmas. I knew instinctively when I started this journey there would be others coming up behind me. I knew part of my healing would come in offering my hand and heart to those who feel the wretched pain of loss every day, but most acutely at the holidays. I knew I would never be the same…forever affected by a circumstance I never dreamed would be so painful. So, if I am feeling that pain…others are bound to be as well.
\n\n\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/df1b1c95c4.jpg\")
Mr. Virgo’s last Christmas…2012. It was his first Christmas Day off in 40 years!
\n\n\nWhat more can we offer to our fellow grievers than to sit quietly beside them and acknowledge their pain? I’ve written millions of words since that first Christmas, yet I’m still left at a loss as to what to say to another that would be the most helpful…the most kind…the most compassionate. So I say…
\n\n\n“My heart is with you, dear one.”
\n\n\nAlways.
\n\n\n❤️?
\n\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2022-12-23T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2022/12/23/there-is-no-time-limit.html", "tags": ["Grief","Holiday","Memories","Healing"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2022/12/13/dancing-around-the-big-black.html", "title": "Dancing Around the Big Black Hole", "content_html": "\n“Blessed are the humble, for they will inherit the earth.”
\nMatthew 5:5 CSB\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/9ad18fc6af.jpg\")
We’ve talked a lot over the years about anxiety and depression. I had a period of time in my forties when I was clinically depressed. There was a lot going on…a difficult marriage, trying to be a good mom to a 16 year old AND a new baby, and dealing with the newly remembered memory of childhood sexual assault while my children were the same age as I was when it occurred. It was a really difficult time in my life.
\n\n\nIt took a long time, but I finally got off all the medicines because I had a LOT of therapy. I gained the tools I needed to recognize an impending slump and to cut it off at the knees. There have been times I’ve danced around the big black hole that is depression. Maybe even slipped in a little. But I have climbed out and thrived again 100% of the time. It isn’t easy.
\n\n\nThe holidays are hard on people. Especially people with soft hearts and tender feelings. I believe those who have experienced great loss are more susceptible to depression. But those are my thoughts. I’ve not seen any studies about it. It just seems that way to me. I do know along with the advent of cold, dark nights come cold, dark thoughts.
\n\n\nWhen I was in the throes of depression, it seemed I couldn’t do anything. I couldn’t take a shower or brush my teeth. I couldn’t cook or clean. It was all I could do to meet the most minimal of my family’s needs. And the worse things got, the worse I felt about myself because I knew I was failing them. I just couldn’t stop. I couldn’t pull up out of it.
\n\n\nI always feel the slump of the winter blues. Seasonal Affective Disorder is a real thing that a lot of people feel at this time of year. There are a lot of tools that can help keep you from sliding down that slippery slope into depression. Here are some that really help me.
\n\n\n1. When you get up in the morning, get dressed and make your bed. You are less likely to crawl back in if the bed is made. And, even if you only make it to the couch, you’re dressed and that’s better than nothing.\n\n2. Don’t drink alcohol. Alcohol is a depressant and, while it may make you feel a little better in the moment, in the long run it’s just going to make things worse.\n\n3. Watch what you eat. Try to get more fruits and vegetables in and lay off the fast, fatty foods.\n\n4. Go for a twenty minute walk at midday. Even if the sun isn’t shining, it’s the brightest part of the day and the activity will get your blood flowing. The endorphins that release with even moderate exercise really help.\n\n5. Don’t rely on other crutches like shopping to help you cope. Negative coping strategies equal NO coping strategies. I know a little treat can help boost your mood, but when there are too many treats and the bills start making you anxious, it’s time to try a different coping tool.\n\n6. Pick up a hobby. I couldn’t have started a king sized quilt when I was in the depths of despair because I didn’t have the bandwidth. Instead, I doodled and journaled. I had a whole stack of journals and I poured my heart out. I drew little pictures and designs. It helped to get the feelings out. Writing this blog has been an excellent tool to keep the gloomies at bay.\n\n7. And finally…most importantly…I meditate and pray every day. Keeping Jesus front and center and reading God’s directions help keep me afloat.\n\n\n
I didn’t expect to go to town yesterday, but I received a text from the pharmacy that I had a prescription ready. I needed to pay a bill, and there were just a few more Christmas presents to buy for the littles. On my drive in, I felt Sparky’s presence for the very first time since she died. I couldn’t figure out why I never felt her close like I’ve felt my mom and Mr. Virgo. I was thinking to myself how much I really, really miss her and all of a sudden I could hear her as clear as day in my head. She was a salty broad…shot from the hip with language that could make a sailor blush. I won’t tell you exactly what I heard because those words are “not safe for work”. Let’s suffice it to say, she was kicking me in the butt and telling me to get over it and get on with living. She’s right, of course. She would kick me into next week for being a sad sack because of her. It’s been a year today.
\n\n\nI think that’s exactly why I “heard” from her yesterday. I’ve given her a year of mourning. I’ve honored her memory. I’ve shared our story. And I’ll carry her memory with me always. It’s a turning point in my grief journey. One of many I’ve had. One of many to come, I’m afraid. That’s the nature of life. There is always someone to grieve. It is the price we pay for love.
\n\n\nSo, here’s to Sparky…may she Rest In Peace and never be far from the thoughts of those who loved her best.
\n\n\n❤️?
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2022-12-13T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2022/12/13/dancing-around-the-big-black.html", "tags": ["Grief","Friends","Healing"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2022/12/08/step-two-and-im-through.html", "title": "Step Two and I’m Through!", "content_html": "\n“Oil and perfume make the heart glad, and the sweetness of a friend comes from his earnest counsel.”
\nProverbs 27:9 ESV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/1e2563f0ff.jpg\")
Ok, making homemade tamales is a CHORE! It’s a delicate balance of cooking and art. There is most definitely a learning curve to it. I fiddled and fussed with the first few till I figured out my masa dough wasn’t wet enough. After adding more broth, it softened up and was much easier to work with.
\n\n\nWhen you watch these YouTube videos that demonstrate recipes, you have to remember the people being recorded have done this a million times. They make it look easy. You can follow every step and yours still doesn’t look exactly like theirs. It was fun…and they are pretty tasty. If I make them again, I’ll wait till I have the ingredients for the red sauce she made from dried chiles. I think they would be more flavorful. The tamales will go in the freezer and we can pull them out as we want over the winter. I didn’t count, but I think there were at least three…maybe four dozen of them.
\n\n\nYou can watch Rosanna of Villa Cocina make these lovely Homemade Red Pork Tamales on her YouTube channel HERE.
\n\n\nAfter I finished with the tamales and cleaning the kitchen for the 4,987th time this year (insert eye roll and heavy sigh), I went into town with Mr. FixIt. He had an errand to run. I’ve been thinking about getting my hair cut, so I made a rash decision and went to one of those discount hair salons. I don’t know if it’s because my hair has been straight with nothing but a braid or a ponytail, or if it’s a really bad cut, but I can’t do anything with it. I’m hoping with time and some deep conditioning, it’ll be better because I hate to cut it all off. As it is, she cut fourteen inches off! So the upside is, I donated it to wigs for kids! That made me feel a tiny bit better.
\n\n\nThe last couple of days have been unseasonably warm so I slept in the camper and that was really WONDERFUL! My happy place is in the camper. We actually had a thunderstorm Tuesday night which is highly unusual this time of year. Listening to the rain on the roof was so soothing.
\n\n\nThis is a bit of a hard time of year for me. The hard push of Thanksgiving is over but the Christmas rush hasn’t really started. I always have this little “slump” for about a week to ten days. Add to that…Tuesday is the first angelversary of my dear friend Sparky’s death. It’s hitting me harder than I care to admit. I’ve missed her every day. There isn’t a day I don’t think of her in some way and I still miss her texts and calls. So, I’ve been a little introverted and pensive this week.
\n\n\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/9ec5641497.jpg\")
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/14b9fcbd36.jpg\")
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/80bb822f66.jpg\")
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/58760825e1.jpg\")
I’m so blessed to have my sweet Mr. FixIt. He waited in the car for me while I got my hair cut, even though I was in there for an hour. Because he knew I’d feel better knowing he was close. I don’t get like this often, but if there’s anything we’ve seen over and over in the last ten years of writing this blog…grief is entirely unpredictable and it’s ok to not be ok for a little bit. I’m just sad. I can’t run away from it. I can busy myself, but it just puts off the inevitable. I have to make myself sit still and feel the pain of her absence…remember the good things and keep moving forward.
\n\n\nI am doing some positive things to honor her memory. I’ll make a donation to her favorite animal rescue. And, I’m meeting a mutual friend of ours next week for a biscuit baking lesson and tour of his beautiful Victorian home. Richard has been a longtime friend of Sparky’s. He’s the one who called me to tell me she had passed away. We’ve shared our grief over the loss of our friend and I think she’d be happy to know people who loved her gathered to remember her.
\n\n\n“A burden shared is a burden halved.” T. A. Webb
\n\n\n?
\n\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2022-12-08T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2022/12/08/step-two-and-im-through.html", "tags": ["Grief","Memories","Friends"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2022/11/18/telling-my-story.html", "title": "Telling My Story", "content_html": "\n“Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.”
\nGalatians 6:2 ESV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/fe6545d64c.jpg\")
I fiddled around at the farm yesterday morning. I packed up my things to head home. I went down and looked at the hot water heater. We turned it off when we had trouble with the pump on the well last year and hadn’t gotten around to relighting it. I thought If I fired it up, it would keep the basement fairly warm should the electric go out for any length of time this winter. Unfortunately, when I started it up, I noticed the exhaust pipe wasn’t drawing…I could feel the air blowing back into the room. Something you definitely DON’T want. So, I turned it off and tried to check out the pipe to see if a bird had made a nest. I didn’t have a flashlight, and the one on my phone wasn’t powerful enough to get a deep enough look. I put it all back together and left it off till I can get Mr. FixIt out there with me to help. It entails getting up on a ladder and I didn’t want to climb too high without a spotter.
\n\n\nI fixed a cup of tea and took my knitting to the chair by the window. One of my dear friends is a widow of two years and change. We’ve been promising a phone call so yesterday was the day. I dialed her number, picked up my knitting, and kicked back for what is always a stimulating conversation. I love that I can be a sounding board for others coming up the path behind me. I reach back with my experience and my listening ears. I’ve learned not to dominate the conversation with my own stories because that’s not what a new widow necessarily needs. She needs to know she’s not crazy, that others have gone through the same or similar things, and that there is a path through this $***show of grief.
\n\n\nThe other day, I shared a post with a quote by Susan David, PhD. I used it in the context of posts and comments on social media. “You may be right…but is your response serving you?” Like I said in the post, that can be used in a myriad of circumstances. I used it with my friend yesterday, substituting a couple of words.
\n\n\nYou may be telling your story…but is your story serving you?
\n\n\nI read an article this week about “trauma dumping”…oversharing your experiences and pain with others without their consent, thus causing them pain and discomfort. We both decided we really don’t like it when people make up names for things because grieving is hard enough without piling on guilt and shame over your coping strategies. I remember when I first started this blog. I told you all what happened to Mr. Virgo and that I was going on a journey. I told you I would share what I was going through, that I would speak from my heart, and that sometimes it was going to be downright ugly and painful and you could follow along or not. Either way, this was something I needed to do…primarily for me, but also for those who shared this wretched journey with their own grief.
\n\n\nI know that I share a lot here. I am vulnerable and I let you in deep. That’s because I know you more than likely have experienced great grief in your life and can relate. And if you haven’t, you will. Either way, having someone tell you they’re going through some things that you are experiencing can be validating and comforting.
\n\n\nThat being said, I’ve noticed something recently. When I meet someone who doesn’t know me, the topic always comes around to “What do you do?” When I tell them I am a writer and write a blog, the next question is usually…”What do you write about?” This is when I make a decision. My answer is either a complete rendition of the Mr. Virgo story complete with running into Mr. FixIt and getting married. Or, I tell them I write about grief and life and love and anything my little heart desires. I’m a storyteller.
\n\n\nYou see, I’ve noticed in the last year when I tell the full story, I get a trigger…a trauma response…right in the pit of my stomach and I actually feel physically ill. I can tell bits and pieces of it fine. But the whole shebang doesn’t need to be rehashed all the time. It doesn’t serve me. If it doesn’t serve me, it’s not going to serve anyone else either because it won’t be authentic.
\n\n\nThat doesn’t mean I won’t visit grief, or…more accurately…that it won’t visit me. It doesn’t mean I won’t write about it from time to time. It just means that it isn’t the center of who I am anymore. It’s a true testimony to this core truth…you don’t “get over” grief, you get “through” it.
\n\n\nMy friend is doing an excellent job. She is taking a year off and finding herself…exactly what I did the third year. That was my year of tremendous personal growth….a real turning point in my journey. She and I will touch base again somewhere down the road and we’ll share how gobsmacked we are at how absolutely crazy this whole thing is.
\n\n\nThat’s the kind of friends we are.
\n\n\n?
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2022-11-18T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2022/11/18/telling-my-story.html", "tags": ["Grief","Growth"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2022/10/19/rough-nights-and-great-days.html", "title": "Rough Nights and Great Days", "content_html": "\n“for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,”
\nRomans 3:23 ESV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/ea2c8a2466.jpg\")
The first few years of my grief journey were filled with really rough nights and marginal days. There were nights I held the side of the mattress and willed myself to make it to morning with my sanity held somewhere near intact. It was so incredibly difficult, but then morning would come and the anxiety and fear would fade into the background a bit…only to return with a vengeance at sundown.
\n\n\nWith time…and hard work…the really hard nights became bad nights and the days became better. The really hard nights faded eventually and I only had a bad night on occasion. Monday was one of those nights. The day had been stressful then just before bed, I found out someone I love dearly was unwell. And I ate too late. Bad combo and I just didn’t feel well.
\n\n\nI woke up yesterday with a massive headache and a stuffy head and I was afraid I’d picked up “a bug”, but…with a little movement and a little caffeine, I shoved the icky aside and moved on with my day. Mr. FixIt and I went out to the farm to make sure the heat was turned on and the pump was working. Last year the pump froze and it was an absolute mess to fix. We wanted to preempt that scenario by wrapping the pump and tank in heat tape to keep it from freezing.
\n\n\nI lit the little gas stove in the bathroom to keep the pipes from freezing in there. And the furnace was already on so the house was perfectly warm. I turned off the dehumidifiers for the season, swept the floors, checked the mail, and we’re all good. I’ll get out there for a little R&R one of these days.
\n\n\nWe got home in late afternoon. The sun sets earlier and earlier now. And it’s pretty darned chilly. I decided to open a jar of the vegetable beef soup I canned this year. I purposefully canned it rather bland so I could season it to my liking when I heat it up. I added a variety of seasonings, including just a dash of smoked chipotle pepper for a little zing. Oh, my gosh! It was SO good served with garlic Texas toast!
\n\n\nWe have an errand in town today and I am certainly hoping it won’t turn into an all day ordeal. We may get our Covid booster while we’re at it.
\n\n\nWe’re a good team.
\n\n\n?
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2022-10-19T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2022/10/19/rough-nights-and-great-days.html", "tags": ["Grief","Growth","Choices","Farm Life","Marriage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2022/09/09/the-death-of-a-queen.html", "title": "The Death of a Queen", "content_html": "\n“And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works,”
\nHebrews 10:24 ESV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/d27e99053d.jpg\")
My mother was eight months old when Queen Elizabeth was born. When Mom died, I kinda watched the Queen to see how my mother would have aged had she lived longer than her seventy-eight all too short years. They both were world treasures…my mom in MY world, and the Queen to all the rest of us.
\n\n\nI lived in England from 1973 to a couple of weeks shy of 1975. It was an amazing experience that I will cherish till my dying breath. Daughter #1 was born there. I still have dreams about the cobblestone streets and the little shops in Thatcham where we lived. I keep remembering a little yarn shop where I went in to buy some yarn and knitting needles. I was expecting my first child and I wanted to knit her a little something. I never got the hang of it and once the baby came, there was no time anyway.
\n\n\nThe world changes on a dime, doesn’t it? When I heard the word that the Queen was “under medical supervision and the family were on their way”, I knew this was the end of a long and illustrious life for someone who seemed to be EVERYONE’S Queen. I remember when the Queen Mum passed away. I watched Princess Anne marry Capt. Phillips. I watched Prince Charles make Diana the People’s Princess.
\n\n\nLike other noteworthy moments in history, I will remember where I was when I heard the news. I was standing in the quilt store, looking for something in particular, when the notification came across my phone. I shared the news with the other women who were standing around the center cutting area and we all shared a memory or two. I kind of feel like I’ve lost someone special today. The end of an era. Yet another ending. There have been so many the last few years.
\n\n\nNot to take anything away from the death of the Queen, life quickly moved on. When I got home from the quilt shop, Mr. FixIt and I drove out to the farm and primed the pump. It didn’t take us any time to get it fixed and running and we promptly refilled the water jugs for the next time it may happen. I got down on the floor and checked the j-trap under the sink that I fixed the last time I was there and there’s still no leak. Also, the kitchen light was burned out so I changed the bulb and we called it good. Everything else was working great. It really needs mowing, but we’ll have to wait till I get back from my little sabbatical this weekend.
\n\n\nEarlier this week, I went into town to do some grocery shopping. There is a beautiful white house that sits on the next hill over from us and every time we drive past it, I tell Mr. FixIt how much I dearly love that place. Well, this particular day, there was a small camper out front with a for sale sign on it. I immediately called my sweetheart and told him about it. We are going to sell the a-frame and get a camper that I don’t have to open and close in the rain. One with a bathroom and a slide out that weighs under 3,500 pounds. This camper absolutely filled the bill.
\n\n\nIt wasn’t till a couple of days later that Mr. FixIt had time to stop and look at the little camper. Turned out, there was a young couple with a baby that wanted to buy it so he figured that it was not meant to be. I wasn’t so sure. I felt that familiar niggling inside and thought…this is our camper. Two more days went by and I drove to town again. The camper was still there and still had the for sale sign on it. I called my sweetheart again and asked him to text the gal to see what was going on. Apparently the young couple ghosted her and we were welcome to come see it when she finished her errands.
\n\n\nAs we were driving through our little burg on the way home from the farm yesterday, the gal texted and we went straight to her house. It was almost a formality to look inside it. I already knew everything about the camper from looking it up on the website. And…I had a heart connection to this woman before I even met her.
\n\n\nIt’s a new camper…just one year old. The original purchaser was…believe it or not…the photographer at our wedding. (Small town, remember?) She soon realized a toy hauler better fit her lifestyle and sold this camper to her cousin and her husband in July. Then, just three days later, the husband collapsed and died…right in front of his wife. This was exactly what happened to me. Even if we didn’t buy the camper, I had to meet this woman and hold her in my heart.
\n\n\nWhat a joy she is! So strong, yet so devastated. Getting out from under the camper was one of the big things to cross off her list. And she wanted it to go to someone special who would love it to pieces. And here we are. Owners of yet another camper! This brings us back up to four campers, but as soon as the a-frame has the broken spring fixed, we’ll send her on to a new home. I truly…TRULY hope this is the LAST camper we ever buy!!! I believe God had His hand in this and brought us to the right place at the right time because I really like this little lady…camper AND human!
\n\n\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/74eeba2ed2.jpg\")
I’m going to set up reruns for the next three days and I’ll be back live with you again on Tuesday morning. Till then…make this life count! Life is like salt. What good is it if it has no flavor?
\n\n\n?
\n\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2022-09-09T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2022/09/09/the-death-of-a-queen.html", "tags": ["Grief","Memories","Healing"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2022/08/03/in-the-midst-of-life.html", "title": "In the Midst of Life Comes Grief", "content_html": "\n““Salt is good, but if salt has lost its taste, how shall its saltiness be restored? It is of no use either for the soil or for the manure pile. It is thrown away. He who has ears to hear, let him hear.””
\nLuke 14:34-35 ESV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/c4186094c0.jpg\")
Grief. Unless you are some sort of sociopath, you cannot escape this life without feeling a loss so deep it rips your soul. My first foray into grief was the loss of my PopPop. I was just eighteen. He’d had several small heart attacks so I suppose when he died on his seventh one, it wasn’t a huge surprise to most people. But to me…he and my grandma were my touchstones of unconditional love. I couldn’t tell which hurt worse…losing PopPop, or watching Grandma mourn the loss of the only man she’d ever loved. They got married when she was fifteen. He was her world. It was heartbreaking.
\n\n\nLife went on and we lost Grandma and Mom and my precious Uncle Bob. Each loss brings its own signature…like a fingerprint. Similar features, different effects. The most grievous loss of my life up to this point was when Mr. Virgo died suddenly of a heart attack. I honestly wasn’t sure I’d live through that one. Yet, I did. Life gets better and can be beautiful again, but every death leaves a mark that traces the trails of a broken heart. I have the most amazing extended family. And I have the most wonderful friends. My support network is immense and I am so grateful for them. They have helped me navigate the waters of grief more than once.
\n\n\nI don’t know if it’s because I’m tired. Or if it’s a let down after Bear leaving. Maybe it’s our impending 50+1 high school class reunion that’s coming up in a couple of weeks. Whatever it is…I’ve really been missing my friend I called Sparky. Diane was a firecracker. She had a wicked sense of humor. She had very little control over her mouth and cussed like a sailor. She was incredibly kind and sensitive, but you do her, or someone she loved, wrong and you rued the day you ever locked horns with her.
\n\n\nSparky was fair minded. If you crossed a line, she had no problem telling you and for some reason, most people took it and learned from it and tried to be a better person because of her perhaps not-so-gentle correction. I admired the way she shot from the hip. You always, ALWAYS knew where you stood with her. We talked a lot…the majority of which occurred at 3:00 in the morning when we both seemed to be up to go to the bathroom. We both invariably checked in on Facebook when we came back to bed to see what we’d missed. We neither one slept well so we could just about guarantee we would have a conversation in the wee hours of the night.
\n\n\nShe was the funniest woman I’ve ever known. Picture any female comedienne and crank her up several notches and you have a pretty fair idea what those of us who were lucky enough to be in her inner circle dealt with on a daily basis. Honestly, I never ate or drank anything when we chatted. I was sure to choke or spit coffee on the screen.
\n\n\nSparky got sick in December. She held her cards close to her chest and I’d often find out she’d had pneumonia by the time she was on her second round of antibiotics. This time it was a stomach flu that just wouldn’t let up and we all encouraged her to go to the hospital for IV fluids but she refused. And in a week…she was gone.
\n\n\nIt’s been seven-and-a-half months since we lost our colorful friend and I still feel that loss keenly. It sneaks up on me. Diane is my first really close girlfriend who died and sometimes it’s still a punch in the gut when I remember she’s gone. I remember that feeling when I lost Mr. Virgo. Along about the time when he would normally be calling on his way home from work, I’d look up at the clock with a tinge of concern. Why hasn’t he called? Oh. Yeah…
\n\n\nIt’s like that at 3:00 in the morning when I get back in bed from a visit to the loo. I pick up my phone and she’s not there anymore.
\n\n\nI miss my friend.
\n\n\n?
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2022-08-03T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2022/08/03/in-the-midst-of-life.html", "tags": ["Grief","Friends"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2022/06/17/taking-a-stroll-down-memory.html", "title": "Taking a Stroll Down Memory Lane", "content_html": "\n“The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.”
\nPsalm 34:18 ESV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/e29b5fcd18.jpg\")
I didn’t sleep well again. Although the little AirB&B is incredibly comfortable and blissfully quiet, it wasn’t my bed. And I missed my sweetie. So, when I heard there was a risk of severe weather again, I decided to knit for a while with Gail then head home. After all, we’ll be camping with her Monday, so I’ll get to see her again soon.
\n\n\nAs I was on my way home, Mr. FixIt suggested I stop at an RV dealer in the general vicinity to see what kind of campers they had. I love the new R-Pods. Remember the one I got to haul around for the Girl Camper Trailer Raffle a few years ago? Well, they have them! It was fun to go in and look around and see the changes they’ve made. The biggest and best change is the window over the bed OPENS now! Wowza!
\n\n\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/08a010e1d3.jpg\")
An R-Pod 196 like the one I got to pull for the Girl Camper Trailer Raffle
\n\n\nThe biggest surprise came when I walked around the corner. There was a Sportsmen Classic from KZRV…two years newer, but exactly like Little TOW-Wanda…my very first camper. That was the one I bought just three weeks after Mr. Virgo died. I traded her in the following year for Big TOW-Wanda and I’ve regretted it ever since.
\n\n\nThis little girl is SO tiny! As I stood in the camper, memories washed over me. I remembered my very first campout in her at Rifle Gap State Park. As a matter of fact, the photo on the left was taken on that maiden voyage! She was my first safe place to grieve…my cocoon, my nest. When I had to park her in storage in a field out by the airport, i used to go out after church every Sunday and walk through snow up to my knees in order to climb in and take a nap under a pile of blankets.
\n\n\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/fc5466c871.jpg\")
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/61ee297587.jpg\")
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/5fc48c2f5d.jpg\")
So, cute…but so tiny!
\n\n\nThis one is certainly affordable, although she costs exactly what I paid for her in 2013. As my friend Lynn Butler of Setzer’s RV says, “The time to buy is now ‘cause the kids are going to grow up and the prices are going to go up!” The only thing is, I’m presented with the very same problem I had that made me trade it in back in 2014. The bunks are not comfortable for an adult to sleep in. So, I left the dinette down and put the best memory foam mattress in it. That was great, but it left no where to sit. It’s seriously great for a single woman to camp in, but it would be pretty cramped for two for any length of time.
\n\n\nIt was sad to walk down memory lane and remember where I was nine years ago. However, where I am now seems a lifetime away from those dark days of grief. The Lord has blessed me bountifully and I know better than to look in the rear view mirror too long.
\n\n\nI’m not heading in that direction.
\n\n\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/de75225c88.jpg\")
Evening storm clouds rolling in. If you zoom in, you can see a chimney swift.
\n\n\nIn the meantime, we keep getting waves of severe storm warnings every few days. June is notoriously a rainy month here in West Virginia, but this heat is oppressive. It’s much more like August. Which, of course, makes you wonder what August is going to be like!
\n\n\n?
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2022-06-17T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2022/06/17/taking-a-stroll-down-memory.html", "tags": ["Grief","Camping","Memories"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2022/03/26/photographic-memories-of-my-grief.html", "title": "Photographic Memories of My Grief", "content_html": "\n“But Mary treasured up all these things, pondering them in her heart.”
\nLuke 2:19 ESV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/1f9bc34216.jpg\")
Little TOW-Wanda…my very first camper. I wish I’d never traded her in!
\n\n\nI keep my photos stored in a couple of clouds. I use iCloud from Apple because it comes with my iPhone/iPad. I do pay a nominal fee to store extra data over the amount that is free. And somewhere along the line, I signed up for OneDrive which is part of the Microsoft 365 Suite of programs. I really love it because I get an email with my “memories of the day.” Similar to FB Memories, OneDrive saves every photo I’ve ever uploaded. And, occasionally I am surprised by something I haven’t seen in years.
\n\n\nI thought these photos might have been lost and I was so excited when they showed up yesterday. They were taken when I went off on my three month journey through the wilderness and backroads of Colorado…and New Mexico, Wyoming, and South Dakota. This was in the earliest days of my grief. I purchased my camper after Mr. Virgo died and I took off alone to navigate my grief…one campfire at a time.
\n\n\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/68cd497eb1.jpg\")
Somewhere along a desert highway…pulling my camper on my own. I learned a lot that year.
\n\n\nI knew absolutely NOTHING about a camper. I really didn't know what I didn’t know and like they say…ignorance is bliss. I could hook it up and unhook it. I could back it in with some modicum of success. I didn’t use the plumbing…at all. This simplified things greatly. The heater was pretty self explanatory. I needed it at this point in the trip because it’s really cold in March in Colorado.
\n\n\nThere were days I woke up with snow on the ground. If that happened, I made arrangements with the campground to just stay put till things looked better. I passed the days looking at colorful magazines and napping…and writing. I went to the Four Corners area of Colorado and camped on my dear friend Sue’s ten acres overlooking Mesa Verde for at least a week. She took me to my first “wild hot spring”…which was essentially a hole in the ground with rocks around it. Eventually I traveled on south to Ojo Calliente in New Mexico.
\n\n\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/795b3b31c4.jpg\")
The only wild hot spring I’ve ever been in. Free and hot, hot, hot! There was no other water to temper this water that bubbled up out of the ground. You couldn’t stay in for long!
\n\n\nThere was a small primitive campground at the mineral springs at Ojo. They had yoga every morning in a yurt on the grounds. A restaurant served wonderful food. You could buy a package deal that got you entry to the hot springs, a massage, a meal, and the campsite. At the time, I think it was something like $50 for all that. Quite a deal. I think I stayed there two or three nights. I was going to go on across the desert southwest to California but changed my mind. I still didn’t feel comfortable being that far away on my own.
\n\n\nI’m planning another solo adventure in a couple of months that I’ll tell you more about as we get closer to a departure date. In the meantime, the weather has turned chilly again with a final wintry mix of snow and rain over the weekend. Night time temperatures will be down in the twenties. I’m WAY over this and will be happy to see winter put to bed for good soon. I finished a pair of socks yesterday and started knitting a black winter hat to go with the pair of mittens I finished last week.
\n\n\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/34fe6e3500.jpg\")
My latest projects…a pair of socks, some black wool mittens, and a hat to match.
\n\n\nI went out to check the camper last night and the refrigerator is still not getting cold so we’re going to have to do something about that. It is under warranty so it won’t cost us anything. But it is a pain in the rear having to take “The Birdhouse” in for service already. I’m sure it’s something easy to fix or replace.
\n\n\nEnjoy your Saturday, dear ones!
\n\n\n?
\n\n\n\n\n\n\n“She seeks wool and flax, and works with willing hands.”
\nProverbs 31:13 ESV\n
#Knitting, #Memories, #Grief
\n\n", "date_published": "2022-03-26T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2022/03/26/photographic-memories-of-my-grief.html", "tags": ["Grief","Memories","Crafts","Big Birdhouse"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2022/03/12/the-first-step.html", "title": "The First Step", "content_html": "\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/f4c09e9d16.jpg\")
There is a wise saying… “A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.” There is so much truth in that, whether it is literal or figurative. Nine years ago, Mr. Virgo died unexpectedly and I was sent on a journey. And, while I didn’t ask for it, the journey has not been without value. My husband didn’t need to die so that I could learn these lessons and not everything happens for a reason. Good things and crappy things coexist in life all the time. It is the nature of the beast. While my husband died and I felt unbelievable grief, I also learned so much about myself and attained great personal growth.
\n\n\nAs I sat and knitted quietly yesterday, I thought of Mr. Virgo and our relatively short time together. He was hardworking, gifted, intelligent, fun, and handsome. He taught me so much. He put to rest a lot of my issues of abandonment. He showed me I was worthy and beautiful and talented. He carried my heart on a velvet pillow and I felt the same about him. We were a mutual admiration society.
\n\n\nI took a photo of the progress I’m making on the shawl I’m knitting. As I prepared it for today’s post, I noticed the thread dangling from the middle. This pattern began with a single stitch. Then three, then seven, and eventually it grew and grew as I carefully added stitches evenly across the rows. This shawl has come into my life at exactly the right time. It is showing me how, with perseverance and determination, taking one step at a time moves you forward and creates something beautiful. Each stitch has been saturated with prayers…for widows around the world, new and old. For health and happiness. For peace and prosperity. For hope. And for love.
\n\n\nOne little stitch. One little step at a time. A new life has been created and my phoenix rose from the ashes of my grief. God has been with me every step of the way. Carrying me along when I needed it. Dragging my butt, kicking and screaming sometimes. I would never have believed I’d be where I am today…happy, healthy, secure…married to my best friend from high school. Mr. Virgo’s life was not lived in vain. He accomplished so much in his 62 years. And he left me with what I needed to build the life I think he somehow knew I’d be pressed upon to lead.
\n\n\nThat morning, we went to Grand Junction, and as we stood in the fourth camper…he suffered a massive heart attack. He made it to the hospital and, after hours of working diligently on his failing heart, they quietly let him go in peace. Another year gone…another year with God. I would never wish Mr. Virgo away from that complete joy. I can recite the events of that day, and I know they were horrifying. However, I cannot feel the feelings that went along with that unless I dive down into the quagmire…something I long ago learned does not serve me well. I think of him often…not with tears anymore, but with fondness and gratitude and love.
\n\n\n![\"handsome](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/9d541f1d61.jpg\")
Mr. Virgo 1950-2013
\n\n\n?
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2022-03-12T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2022/03/12/the-first-step.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Growth"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2022/03/11/mindless-knitting-and-memories.html", "title": "Mindless Knitting and Memories", "content_html": "\n“But we do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about those who are asleep, that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope. For since we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so, through Jesus, God will bring with him those who have fallen asleep. For this we declare to you by a word from the Lord, that we who are alive, who are left until the coming of the Lord, will not precede those who have fallen asleep. For the Lord himself will descend from heaven with a cry of command, with the voice of an archangel, and with the sound of the trumpet of God. And the dead in Christ will rise first. Then we who are alive, who are left, will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air, and so we will always be with the Lord. Therefore encourage one another with these words.”
\n1 Thessalonians 4:13-18 ESV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/4fbdf49144.jpg\")
I ran across a really simple shawl pattern yesterday morning. After looking through my stash of beautiful yarns, I selected a simple single twist cotton/rayon blend in rich jewel tones called “Fire Opal”. Such a yarn needs a simple, straightforward pattern because the variations in color and texture are what makes it interesting on its own. I got up a couple of hours early and Mr. FixIt slept in, so I had my coffee and watched the fog slowly dissipate as I began working the yarn on my needles.
\n\n\nOther than keeping track of right and wrong sides and adding stitches every other row, there really isn’t much to this particular pattern. It’s something I can knit while Mr. FixIt watches his shows. Around mid-day, he went out to empty the bed of his truck. He purchased a fire pit kit in town on Tuesday and he needed to unload it. We’ve decided to buy a Solo Stove to set in the fire ring. They don’t put off an inordinate amount of heat, but they do keep the smoke down with a patented afterburner effect. I love a fire…but not the smoke…and I like to sleep with the windows open at night. I can’t stand to smell a stinky fire while I’m trying to sleep, so hopefully this will be a proper compromise.
\n\n\nWe have been watching the weather reports and it looks like we may get a sizable snow Friday night through Saturday. The wind chill could get down to -15°…NOT my idea of a good time. And just in time for the beginning of Daylight Savings Time. There have been studies that show an increase in heart attacks in the three days after the beginning of Daylight Savings time. You can read an article HERE. It has to do with an interruption in the circadian rhythms. Mr. Virgo died on the second day after the time change. If you don’t think I have an eagle eye out on Mr. FixIt surrounding the time change, you’ve got another think comin’. I’m hyper-vigilant…poor man. If I could wrap him in bubble wrap, I would do it. So, please be careful out there.
\n\n\nI called a dear friend of mine yesterday. I met Kathy in church…she was my small group leader. Kathy is one of those friends who you can go to for spiritual advice and I always value her counsel. I told her about losing my friend, Diane in December. I still feel the ache of her absence in my life, but one of the deepest feelings I’ve been dealing with is guilt. I feel that somehow, I should have been able to go get Diane and get her to a hospital when she was so sick. However, ever since Mr. Virgo’s heart attack and watching them do CPR on him for what seemed like forever…I don’t handle emergencies particularly well. When Diane got so sick, I was having massive panic attacks. I wanted her to get help. I encouraged her every time I chatted with her to get to a hospital and get fluids, but she was adamant…she was NOT going. I’m not sure why. But, when she died and I hadn’t even tried to go get her, I was wracked with guilt.
\n\n\nI shared this with Kathy and she stopped me mid-sentence.
\n\n\n“Ginny…that is the enemy talking to you. He’s whispering in your ear and telling you…if you were just stronger…if you’d just gone over to her house…if you weren’t so weak…you might have saved her! He’s telling you that you weren’t a very good friend.” She’s absolutely right, of course. That’s what the enemy does…he tries to use your own thoughts to destroy you. I was a very good friend. I encouraged Diane to seek help, to call her son…to at least call the doctor. I wasn’t the only one who tried to warn her. As my doctor explained to me when I shared my grief with her….
\n\n\n“People make decision about what they’re going to do and what they’re NOT going to do. And sometimes, those decisions don’t have a good ending.” I am healing, but it’s still hard sometimes. Add to that the events of the last two years…between the pandemic, the election, the insurrection, the great and terrible losses, and now this terrible war in Ukraine…and frankly, my heart hurts.
\n\n\nI thought I might go out to the farm for a couple of days this weekend, but we are expecting that snow and I don’t need to be over there where the power could go out and I’d be stuck there without Mr. FixIt. I’ll just stay here and honor Mr. Virgo in some way from the comfort of home.
\n\n\nMarch 11th was a Monday. Mr. Virgo was so tired. He dressed in his Philadelphia Eagles sweats and stretched out on the sofa after breakfast…snoozing to the soft monotony of the Golf Channel. I was upstairs working in my studio. I came down at lunch and peeked over the back of the sofa. Mr. Virgo was on his back, his mouth gaped open in the depths of a nap. As I stood there watching him, I heard a voice standing right next to me.
\n\n\n“This is what he’ll look like when he’s dead.”
\n\n\nI nearly jumped out of my skin. I honestly thought someone was standing in the room right beside me, but there was no one there. In retrospect, I think God had been preparing me for a week for the upcoming disaster. But, at the time, I was properly freaked out. My gasp woke him up and he smiled up at me.
\n\n\n“Hey, baby doll….what’s for lunch?”
\n\n\nIf only he’d known what I saw. If only I’d told him. If I’d just insisted he follow the doctor’s advice four months before and had that cardiac work up. As with my friend Diane…it seemed as though I was watching events unfold but I had no control over them. I don’t believe I could have changed the coming events with either one of them. It seems like a movie I was destined to watch unfold but couldn’t stop.
\n\n\n?
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2022-03-11T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2022/03/11/mindless-knitting-and-memories.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Home"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2022/03/10/i-have-met-my-nemesis.html", "title": "I Have Met My Nemesis", "content_html": "\n““For the Lord God does nothing without revealing his secret to his servants the prophets. The lion has roared; who will not fear? The Lord God has spoken; who can but prophesy?””
\nAmos 3:7-8 ESV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/1bce55d5fc.jpg\")
Lace! Argh….SO pretty…SO frustrating. First, it’s knitting on fingering weight which is very fine yarn. Second, the instructions are complex. I made it to Row 15…five or six times! My problem isn’t so much staying on the row. I have that figured out. My problem came when I had to start the row with a short sequence of four stitches, then there was a sequence of thirteen stitches that I had to repeat five times across the row, then end the row with a different sequence on the last four stitches. I constantly lost track of where I was about the middle of the fourth sequence on the fifteenth row. After tearing it out umpteen times and getting frustrated, I decided…if it isn’t fun to knit, don’t knit it. This is how I got burned out on counted cross stitch. I started trying more and more difficult patterns till it wasn’t fun anymore and I quit. I don’t want to quit knitting so I’ll knit what I love, not what frustrates the bejeebers out of me!
\n\n\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/147f92c1e3.jpg\")
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/4b747372c1.jpg\")
I did finish the little hat with the cables. And I sewed the sweet little flower buttons on the baby sweater. And…I learned I DON’T like complicated lace patterns. So, the day was not a total loss. We awoke to a mix of rain and snow so I drove to the bakery in our little town and got donuts to go with our morning hot beverages. They didn’t have pepperoni rolls, so I got meatball rolls for our supper. They were pretty good!
\n\n\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/c375837704.jpg\")
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/0ec17163f2.jpg\")
Today is March 10th. On this day nine years ago, Mr. Virgo and I had just purchased a Ford Expedition because the Toyota was costing us $1000 every time we turned around. We wanted a newer, more powerful vehicle to tow the camper we were excitedly talking about. Mr. Virgo came home that night and put his briefcase on one of the kitchen chairs and winced. I asked him what was wrong and he said he had tweaked his shoulder that morning getting the heavy briefcase out of the car and it was still hurting him.
\n\n\nHe looked tired…but he always looked tired. It was a Sunday night at the tail end of a busy ski season…the start to his two days off. I set out his supper and gave him a couple ibuprofen for his shoulder. We watched a little TV and called it a night…not knowing what was looming ahead of us. I had already experienced two nights with terrifying dreams that week that I awoke and he was lying cold and dead beside me in bed. My fight or flight response was at the ready…just beneath the surface of my awareness…hyper-vigilant.
\n\n\n?
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2022-03-10T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2022/03/10/i-have-met-my-nemesis.html", "tags": ["Grief","Fear","Courage","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2022/03/07/like-peas-and-carrots.html", "title": "Like Peas and Carrots", "content_html": "\n“Call to me and I will answer you, and will tell you great and hidden things that you have not known.”
\nJeremiah 33:3 ESV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/d5fe1aaf07.jpg\")
One of the hardest things about knitting a “pair” of anything is getting them to match exactly. Such was the case with the mittens. First, I think I stopped a little short on the thumb gusset, then I knitted a little tighter, creating a slightly smaller mitten the second time. Not enough to be a real problem and it can be corrected with proper blocking. But still, it is a little frustrating to follow a pattern and get different results. I have about five and a half inches of the matching hat finished then I can set that project aside and be finished with this yarn.
\n\n\nI’m trying to use up some of the yarns I have in my stash. The owner of the yarn shop I’ve been frequenting told me someone asked her how many UFO’s she had. (UFO - UnFinished Objects) she told the gal she thought she had four or five. She went home and counted. Turns out she has more like a couple dozen. That’s what happens when I do needle crafts. I see these beautiful yarns and I have to have them. At one point, I had enough yarn to knit a dozen pairs of socks. I’m whittling it down to a more manageable level.
\n\n\nI slept in the camper on Saturday night. I use the term loosely because I only slept sporadically. I discovered the electric blanket does indeed work. It must have been way too cold for it to overcome the last time I stayed out there. I was reading along about 3:00am when I heard a scream right outside the camper that made the hair on the back of my neck stand up. It happened again and again then started running away from me toward the creek. By the speed it was traveling, I knew it had to be something fast. I looked up animal sounds on the internet and determined it was a fox. The resultant adrenalin kept me up the rest of the night.
\n\n\nThe rain started around 4:00 in the morning and continued off and on all day. The former Mrs. FixIt came for a visit in the afternoon which is always such a delight. We had a lovely conversation as I rocked and knitted. We are all so blessed that we have cultivated our friendship. So many divorced couples are so hateful and it isn’t good for anyone involved. She and I have an awful lot in common. I save my magazines for her. She saves coupons for us. It’s wonderful to have such a large and blended family.
\n\n\nAs I settled in to write this last night, I had the window open and the spring peepers were calling for the first time this year. I heard them the night of March 2nd up near where my bonus son lives, but this is the first time here on “Marshmallow Ranch”. Mr. FixIt was in the family room when he called to tell me there was a little peeper on the family room window. It took me quite a while to capture a photo because of lighting, but I finally managed. They are such cute little things.
\n\n\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/5703ce56d4.jpg\")
It is Monday…a brand new week. A brand new opportunity to be our best selves and to love the way Jesus loves. My heart breaks with every news report coming out of Ukraine. To listen to them speak of their prayers to God to give them strength and courage and to vanquish their enemies from their land humbles me. To watch the villagers in Poland running to greet the mothers and children and elders with open arms fills me with hope. To watch the mothers packed in rail cars with their babies traveling into the unknown, leaving their husbands and fathers behind to fight an unjust war fills me with dismay and anger.
\n\n\nI cannot help but wonder how things would have been different if it was Mr. Virgo sitting by my side watching these scenes unfolding. I’ve wondered about the differences between our political viewpoints and how those might have affected us the last few years. As I count down to the ninth anniversary of his death, I am compelled to recognize how difficult it might have been for us. We were both firmly entrenched in our ideals. I can’t help but think the state of the world today might have driven a wedge between us. As it is, he died before that particular scenario played out. There is nothing good about losing him. And, if he had to go then, it was before anything could have affected us negatively. I do know he would not have handled the pandemic well.
\n\n\nMr. FixIt and I are perfectly aligned…politically and spiritually. This knowledge allows me to relax. I don’t have to walk on eggshells or worry about saying the wrong thing. I guess the larger lesson is this…I shouldn’t have worried so much about it before and been more true to myself. I think I finally grew into the person I was always meant to be once I began to emerge from the flames of grief. That is why Mr. FixIt and I are so compatible. We’ve both had the rough edges knocked off by life and we just fit together…like peas and carrots.
\n\n\n?
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2022-03-07T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2022/03/07/like-peas-and-carrots.html", "tags": ["Grief","Prayer","Gratitude","Peace"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2022/03/06/springtime-in-west-virginia.html", "title": "Springtime in West Virginia", "content_html": "\n“And he said to them, “I saw Satan fall like lightning from heaven. Behold, I have given you authority to tread on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy, and nothing shall hurt you. Nevertheless, do not rejoice in this, that the spirits are subject to you, but rejoice that your names are written in heaven.””
\nLuke 10:18-20 ESV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/6b110bb8c5.jpg\")
Ahhhhhh….what a gorgeous day! Yesterday dawned bright and crisp and by late afternoon, it was 80°!!! It just doesn’t get any better than that. While we could have gone out and about, we elected to save the gas money for the travel we’ll be doing later in the spring and summer. Mr. FixIt finished hooking up the electric jack on the Big Birdhouse and piddled around a bit outside. We had a small bottle of bleach in the tool bin in the Little Birdhouse last summer and the road vibrations caused the cap to loosen and leak. The result was this weird corrosion on anything metal which included the manual crank for the jack in case of power failure. He spend quite a bit of time sanding it down and cleaning it up.
\n\n\nWe got the big extension ladder out and I climbed up to take the Christmas wreath down. I also replaced the halogen bulb in the floodlight. Mr. FixIt was my spotter. His balance is not reliable since his strokes so there’s no more climbing ladders for him. I’m still quite strong and steady. I won’t go too high, but this was fine. We were both very careful. It’s farm life…what can I say?
\n\n\nWe had a fingernail moon last night and it was still 72° well after dark, so I headed out to the camper for the night. I always invite my sweetheart, but again…he doesn’t really see the point if we are parked 100 feet from the house. That’s ok…he doesn’t mind if I go out. It gives me a little quiet time in the camper and always feels like a cozy getaway. I brought out my knitting and was happy as a little clam. I finished a mitten and got a lot done on its mate.
\n\n\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/990ca4fbf1.jpg\")
As we lead up to the anniversary of Mr. Virgo’s death, I want to revisit some of my posts surrounding that time in my life. I mentioned premonitions in my post yesterday and someone wanted to hear more about that. Here is a post about what I experienced leading up to his death. It’s from the year after he passed.
\n\n\n?
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2022-03-06T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2022/03/06/springtime-in-west-virginia.html", "tags": ["Grief","Love","Farm Life"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2022/03/05/a-matter-of-perspective.html", "title": "A Matter of Perspective", "content_html": "\n““Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.”
\nMatthew 5:4 ESV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/caed798121.jpg\")
We awoke to sunny skies and cool temperatures yesterday. The birds were caterwauling in the flowering quince outside the bedroom window. Cardinals, blue jays, grackles, and a variety of wrens and sparrows flitted in and out to the feeders and back. Heavily laden logging trucks barreled down the two lane blacktop out front, their jake brakes doing their best to drown out the morning birdsong.
\n\n\nI looked over at my sweetheart. His slow and steady breathing reassuring me all was well in our little microcosm of the universe. My mind turned to why this morning ritual has become so important to me. It was just about this time nine years ago when I began having premonitions of Mr. Virgo’s coming demise. Nightmares haunted me for a week before his death…voices whispering unwanted warnings. It’s impossible to shake the memories at this time of year. So, I listen to them. I acknowledge their presence. And I reassure myself. There haven’t been any warnings here. No bad dreams. No feelings of dread.
\n\n\nWith my false sense of security firmly implanted in my psyche, I quietly got up…dressed…and headed to the kitchen to make my morning coffee. I stood at the kitchen window and thought to myself how vastly different this life is compared to my last. Time and distance and perspective allows you to see things more clearly. I see the little flaws in my marriage to Mr. Virgo that I never allowed to enter my consciousness when he was alive.
\n\n\nI think I was a little afraid of him. To be more exact…I was afraid of him leaving. I’d been left before. That leaves a mark. I was afraid to be absolutely, genuinely me. As I looked out the window at the world waking up, I sighed. Ours was a good marriage. We loved each other deeply. And…it was exhausting trying to be who I felt I needed to be in order to keep it that way.
\n\n\nMy thoughts turned to Mr. FixIt and I smiled. This man…this marriage…is so rich and fun and happy and demands the work we put into it to make it fruitful. He makes me just crazy enough to keep things interesting. He makes me laugh. He holds my heart gently. My name is safe on his tongue. Having been widowed makes all this pure platinum as I count every day a sheer blessing.
\n\n\nThe beep of the coffee maker shook me from my reverie and heard Mr. FixIt coming down the hall.
\n\n\n“Good morning, baby…how about pancakes and eggs?”
\n\n\nHe smiled and allowed that sounded just fine. Our day had begun. We settled in our recliners. He, reading the newspaper on his phone. Me sipping coffee and knitting. Try as I might, I just couldn’t get that baby sock to work like I wanted so I abandoned it for the moment and reached for a beautiful rose grey blend of 70% alpaca and 30% merino wool yarn I picked up in the bargain bin for $2 a skein.
\n\n\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/0afd31ebda.jpg\")
My dear friend Gail shared her mitten pattern and I set to work knitting them up. They’re going to be nice and warm on cold winter days. I never seem to find gloves that keep my fingers warm. Mittens are much better. Later in the afternoon, Mr. FixIt ran to town for an appointment. I stayed and knitted and thought of how richly blessed we are to live where we live. We aren’t being bombed. Tanks aren’t trying to run us over. There is a madman let loose on the world. The enemy seeks to devour the innocent. We must be ever vigilant to keep the wolf away from our doors. We came so dangerously close…it could easily happen again.
\n\n\n?
\n\n\n\n\n\n\n“Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.”
\nJames 4:7 ESV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/7f30290e87.jpg\")
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/de1c51383f.jpg\")
Little baby sweater I started Monday night.
\n\n\nI believe the Holy Spirit gives us appointments. Just like going to the doctor for a check up, we are given appointments to interact with people. To listen to their stories. To commiserate with them on the trials they face and cheer for them their accomplishments. He gives us opportunities to lift others, to share our own stories, and to meet people in the middle…on neutral ground.
\n\n\nWhen I headed to bed on Monday evening, I wasn’t 100% sure I would get up and make yet another trip into town. But this trip would be different. Instead of going shopping or running other errands, this was a trip to the local yarn shop to meet new people. To have an opportunity to work on projects together and to maybe become part of a group of likeminded individuals with a common interest…knitting.
\n\n\nI woke up early yesterday and thought, “Hmmmm, if I get up now, I can go to the coffee shop for a leisurely cuppa before I go to knit.” It didn’t take much to convince me and before I knew it, I was up and out the door, bag in hand with my current project as well as a stack of my “show and tells”. I brought my new book along and read over coffee. That always makes me feel mellow and ever so cosmopolitan. The yarn shop opens at 11:00. I walked in the door at three minutes after and there were already three women seated around the table.
\n\n\nIntroductions were made and I settled in with my knitting. The conversation quickly returned to the topic being discussed when I entered. I smiled and thanked God for sending His Holy Spirit to direct me where I needed to go. Why? Because the topic of discussion was…grief. Two of the women were talking about Grief Share, a faith-based grief support group that meets in churches everywhere. I was a guest speaker at a Grief Share meeting one winter in Colorado.
\n\n\nWe all experience grief at one time or another during our lifetimes, but every woman sitting at that table was bereaved. After a bit, I shared what I do…that I am a grief writer and mentor. One of the women had heard of my blog, which isn’t terribly surprising since we were sitting in my hometown and there are a large number of readers here simply because they know me. So, maybe we have a mutual friend.
\n\n\nMore women joined us till we had a total of seven, I believe. Just the right size group to get to know each other a bit. We each showed off what we were working on. Some went off in search of a new pattern or a new yarn. There is a bargain bin up front and I bought some warm brown yarn to make some winter hats for the guys in my life. I worked on the little yellow baby sweater that I’ll hopefully deliver to our newest great grandson soon.
\n\n\nBefore we knew it, the time had come to be on our way. I ran some errands, picked up salads for supper, and headed home by late afternoon. As I drove back home through the countryside, I thanked God for His infinite wisdom, knowing exactly where I can contribute my skills and sending me there. His timing is impeccable.
\n\n\nThe weather was sunny and warm…a portent of what’s to come. Springtime in West Virginia. Yesterday was the beginning of “meteorological spring” while “astronomical spring” doesn’t begin until March 20th. If that’s the case…yesterday didn’t disappoint with a high of 67° according to the thermometer on my truck! Bring it on…I’m more than ready!!!
\n\n\n?
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2022-03-02T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2022/03/02/arriving-for-my-appointment.html", "tags": ["Grief","Fun","Crafts","Friends"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2022/02/24/were-all-a-little-lost.html", "title": "“We’re All a Little Lost and It’s Alright”", "content_html": "\n“Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.”
\nPhilippians 2:4 ESV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/cc80db1e25.jpg\")
The irises are sending up their shoots, proving once again…the world keeps on turning.
\n\n\nThe last time I was at the farm, I noticed a leak in the ceiling of the Girl’s Room upstairs. We’ve had a lot of rain recently, so I just wanted to run out and check to see how it was doing. Surprisingly, it was dry as a bone, but I left a galvanized tub on the floor below where it leaked before…just in case. I changed the message on the answering machine to reflect the new number, picked up the mail, and had a look around.
\n\n\nSpring is on it’s way here in West Virginia. That doesn’t mean we won’t have any more snow or freezes, but the evidence is unmistakable. The irises are sprouting up! I didn’t look to see if any other flowers are breaking ground yet, but it’s just a matter of time. Everything looked great and I enjoyed some time sitting at Grandma’s window.
\n\n\nAnother sign of spring is all the road repairs going on. All the way out to the farm and back, there were numerous slips, rock slides, and fallen trees that had been cut up and moved off the roadway. There are a few choice points along the way where mudslides frequently come down at this time of year. In one such place, the traffic was reduced to one lane with flaggers. I patiently waited my turn, scanning the hillsides of naked trees, looking for wildlife. It is a big time for squirrels to come out of hibernation because I must have seen half a dozen that had been hit by cars. I narrowly missed a couple myself.
\n\n\nI decided to swing by my friend Sparky’s house on my way home. You may recall, she passed away unexpectedly in mid-December. I am still struggling with a sense of closure. There was a memorial with her cremains present, but there isn’t a gravesite to go to. At least, not to my knowledge. I thought, maybe if I went to her house where she died, I’d find what I was looking for. I did not.
\n\n\nI think, sometimes….we aren’t given a neat and tidy little package called closure after someone we love dearly passes away. I remember when Mr. Virgo and I discussed funeral plans a few weeks before he died unexpectedly, I was surprised he wanted to be buried up on the hill overlooking our house. I’ve always wanted to be cremated and assumed he would, as well. When I asked him why, he said I would need a place to go to to visit him.
\n\n\nI thought that was crazy, and said as much. However, I found myself surprised at how important it was to go to his gravesite and grieve…knowing his earthly vessel was laid there. It helped me immensely to wail and walk in circles around his grave with the mound of fresh earth and the trinkets we had left for him…a pack of his favorite cigarettes, some golf balls, a green plastic coin from St. Patrick’s Day. I don’t have this place to go to for Sparky. Sitting in the driveway didn’t get it.
\n\n\nSometimes we need to make our own memorials for our loved ones who have passed. When I hiked into the Weminuche Wilderness to bury some of his hair along the trail he called “Aspen Alley”, I sang songs to him and erected a cross made from sticks tied together with the cord from the blue velvet bag that held his hair. Although I never went back, I know there is a piece of him there. There is also a piece of him buried between my mom and her brother at the family cemetery.
\n\n\nI don’t have a “piece of Sparky”. I have a few items she gave me over the years. One thing in particular I smile at every time I see it. It’s a cute pillow that says “Home is Where You Park It”. I have decided to take a little bit of the stuffing from that pillow and put it in a bag in my purse. Then, when I decide the time is right and the place speaks to me, I’m going to bury it. That will be my place. My special place to go to when I’m missing her and need to feel wrapped in her memory.
\n\n\nThis “needing a place to go” has taken me totally by surprise. When I bought Mr. Virgo’s cemetery plot, I bought the one next to it for me. I still want to be cremated, but I want part of my ashes buried next to him overlooking that beautiful golf course across the road from our home. The rest is to be placed somewhere here in West Virginia. Somewhere that those who want to remember me and feel near me can come sit for a while. Maybe a bench somewhere. Maybe at the end of the far field. Maybe back up on the hill at the farm, or alongside my family on King Knob. Or, just someplace special to Mr. FixIt and the girls.
\n\n\nI didn’t mean to wax philosophic and get all morbid on you today. I just wanted to share that grief…profound grief…doesn’t only come when a close relative passes away. It can come when you’ve lost a beloved pet…or have to move from the home of your heart…or you go through a painful divorce. It can come if you lose a job…or a close friendship. And, it can come when the funniest woman you’ve ever known who was there for you every day…never more than a text or call or meme away…dies totally unexpectedly and leaves you rudderless for a while.
\n\n\nIt’s ok to feel that loss to your bones and do whatever you need to find closure.
\n\n\n\n\n\n\n“It’s okay, it’s okay, it’s okay, it’s okay if you’re lost, we’re all a little lost and it’s alright.”
\n- Nightbirde\n
❤️?
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2022-02-24T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2022/02/24/were-all-a-little-lost.html", "tags": ["Grief","Memories","Friends"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2022/02/14/another-project-in-the-books.html", "title": "Another Project in the Books, Another Valentine’s Day", "content_html": "\n“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”
\nPsalm 147:3 ESV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/ea3f89c11d.jpg\")
My sweater is finished…and yes, the tree is still up! I think it’s coming down this week!
\n\n\nI finished my sweater in a little less than two weeks! Of course, other than having surgery, I didn’t do much else. Mr. FixIt subbed for his friend Harry on the bowling league yesterday afternoon and came home to a hot meal of spaghetti and garlic bread while we watched the Super Bowl. Although I would have loved to see Cincinnati win, it was a really close game. No one wants to watch a championship game that’s a blowout. It just shows these two teams were well deserving competitors and they both put up a great fight.
\n\n\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/08e69fd30a.jpg\")
I loved the halftime show. It reminded me of when Daughter #1 was in high school. I’d gather a car full of kids and take them out for McDonald’s and we’d blast the stereo in my little Honda Accord. Oh yeah…I was a real bad@$$ mom. *insert eye roll here*
\n\n\nWe had a beautiful visitor in the yard. I kept hearing a bird call that I didn’t recognize. When I went in to make my coffee yesterday morning, here was this beautiful male Yellow-bellied Sapsucker poking around on the maple tree outside the kitchen window. When I played the recorded bird call on the Merlin app, it was the one I hadn’t recognized from earlier.
\n\n\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/ee8545438b.jpg\")
It’s Valentine’s Day. I remember brokenhearted Valentine’s Days in the past and I hated them. I hated that people were happy. I hated that people had partners. I was so sad to be alone and so angry at God for taking Mr. Virgo away from me. If you are on your own on this yearly recognized day that reminds you of that fact at every turn…I see you. And, my heart is with you. I know how hard it can be.
\n\n\n❤️?
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2022-02-14T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2022/02/14/another-project-in-the-books.html", "tags": ["Grief","Memories","Marriage","Crafts","Healing"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2022/01/26/the-politics-of-death-in.html", "title": "The Politics of Death in a Digital Age", "content_html": "\n“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”
\nPsalm 147:3 ESV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/ffde5da4d8.jpg\")
I didn’t know Bub personally. I’d never spoken to him. I didn’t know his last name or where he lived or if he had a family. All I knew of this scruffy-bearded man in the Hoss Cartwright Stetson was the way his eyes crinkled when he smiled and tipped his brim when you drove by. The way he held the measuring rod in his hand, leaning on it like the staff of Moses, as he stood by the open manhole cover. Bub’s work brought him into the eyes of countless drivers over the years as we passed by the crew he worked with.
\n\n\nI was scrolling through Facebook yesterday and there was his picture in a post with the caption, “So Long, Santa Bub.” He’d been such a fixture of my forty years in the Glenwood Springs area, I guess I expected him to just always be there. Like the Hot Springs Pool and Doc Holiday’s Grave. Enduring and iconic. And now, he was gone like so many others we have lost in the last couple of years.
\n\n\nI think death is striking so much closer to home since the pandemic started two years ago. Even if it doesn’t hit our inner circle, it’s omnipresence has been overwhelming. We’ve kind of gotten numb to the weekly announcements, either on the national or local news or on our social media newsfeeds. Along with becoming numb, some have become somewhat complacent in the social mores surrounding acceptable ways of announcing someone’s death.
\n\n\nWhen we lost one of my dearest friends and fellow classmates last month, a well meaning person posted on our class page the “RIP, dear friend” post we have all become accustomed to seeing of late. I took issue with this because, I knew for a fact it hadn’t been more than a handful of hours since our friend was discovered unresponsive in her home and her only grandchild had not been informed. Since I am one of the administrators of our class page, I removed the post at once and made a post of my own. “Out of deference to the family, we aren’t talking about this till we are sure everyone is informed and the family has announced the loss themselves.”
\n\n\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/b6c6661914.jpg\")
When I lost Mr. Virgo, I can’t remember how long it took me to gather enough strength to write a post on FB telling our friends and more distant family that he was gone. I know it was at least one day…and it might have been two. I was in shock. I will tell you this, though…if I opened Facebook to make that horribly painful announcement and saw where one of his friends from high school had beat me to the punch, I would have been devastated. It isn’t anyone’s place but the family’s or their personal representative to make such a sensitive initial announcement.
\n\n\nI had every intention of going on the class page after a reasonable amount of time had passed after our friend died in December to write some guidelines on how and when to share with the group that we had lost another classmate. You know how time gets away from you after the holidays and especially after losing someone so close to you. I didn’t get around to writing it. Then we lost another classmate. And, just as had happened before, someone posted an announcement before the family could do so.
\n\n\nI removed the post and sent a private message to the person posting, explaining why. It’s stirred up some conversation, and as you may imagine, some controversy. I want to give people the benefit of the doubt. I don’t want to think that some folks just want to show everyone they are “in the know” by being the first to share news. I prefer to think they just aren’t aware of protocols or have become desensitized by the constant barrage of death we’ve been subjected to during the pandemic.
\n\n\nWe are “of a certain age”, my classmates and I. And, dare I say, many of you are as well. We must never be in a rush to share the news on social media of someone’s passing. Instead, we must always be respectful of the family’s privacy and be sensitive to their needs. No one…NO ONE wants to find out for the first time on social media that someone they love has died. There was a time when we didn’t really have to tell people this. Those who needed to know were called personally. Then, the circle went ever wider as the news spread to others further out from the inner circle. Only then did we read an obituary in the local newspaper. Now, we have this tool that can instantly spread news like wildfire and we have to remember….think twice. Do a little searching to see if the family has said anything on their social media pages. Check the online newspapers, the local news station, and the local mortuaries to see if there has been a formal announcement. If, after 36-48 hours have passed, you might share the news in private groups like our class page. But, please…don’t be that person who rushes to “be the first” to share such a sensitive and personal event as the death of your high school chum.
\n\n\n❄️?❄️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2022-01-26T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2022/01/26/the-politics-of-death-in.html", "tags": ["Grief","Wisdom","Warning","Choices"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2022/01/24/another-angelversary.html", "title": "Another Angelversary", "content_html": "\n““Do to others whatever you would like them to do to you. This is the essence of all that is taught in the law and the prophets.”
\nMatthew 7:12 NLT\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/e498e74410.jpg\")
Eighteen years ago I was having an argument with my mother. She had been sick for five days and refused to go to the hospital. She ended up dying. Sound familiar? One of my BFFs just died last month because she also refused to go to the hospital. As I lay there in the night, thinking of the similarities between the two, I was struck by how helpless I felt in both cases. I knew what was happening. I tried to tell them both what was happening. But neither one listened. They were both equally wonderful and equally stubborn women.
\n\n\nOne gone eighteen years. The other gone forty-two days. The pain is seared into the fiber of my being. When death comes to someone you love dearly, it changes you…just as loving them did. Every Sunday night, I want to reach for the phone and talk to my mom. Every night when I sit down to write, I want to check in with Diane to see how her day went.
\n\n\nI found out last evening that one of my Facebook friends died on Saturday. Evelyn was a widow, a sister in Christ, a fellow women camper, and an artist. She went through a terrible ordeal when she lost her husband. She was quite ill herself at the time and very nearly died. She fought her way back, became a speaker, and traveled around telling the story of how God saved her.
\n\n\nThen she got covid.
\n\n\nI am torn. It hurts that she is gone and I won’t get to talk to her anymore. It makes me sad that there won’t be any more of her gorgeous wood carvings to grace my windowsill. It breaks my heart that she fought so hard to live when it would have been understandable if she would have let go in order to join her husband in Heaven. And I’m angry. Picture after picture, I have seen her socializing with others over the last two years No masks. No social distancing. No vaccine. She went out with friends for Christmas. Her smiling face will be there…looking out at her friends for however long Facebook is around. And we’ll know…
\n\n\nSomeone will say, “It was God’s will.” “We do not live one hour beyond our allotted time.” Still…God also created doctors and gave them knowledge and sent them to create medicines to help us. It reminds me of the story of the man who drowned in a flood. He refused the radio broadcast warning and the rowboat and the helicopter that came to rescue him from the flood saying, “No! I’m a praying man…God will save me!” He asked God why He didn’t save him and He said, “I sent you a radio broadcast, a man in a rowboat, and a helicopter! What more did you want?”
\n\n\nI am practicing grace. There are people who are brokenhearted at the loss of their loved ones to this disease. In this moment, they are more wrapped up in the fact their loved one died and not as much in how or why. It’s just so hard when you worked in medicine…when you know the vaccine works in reducing the severity of illness and cuts down on the number of deaths. And still, people refuse…and people die. It makes me angry, and sad, and confused, and frankly…tired.
\n\n\nHere is an interview with a medical ethicist about this very subject. [www.npr.org/2022/01/2...](https://www.npr.org/2022/01/23/1075168721/a-medical-ethicist-weighs-in-on-how-to-approach-treating-unvaccinated-people?utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=news_tab)
\n\n\nIt’s been two years since the first case of Covid was documented in the United States. I’m tired of all this illness and death. I’m tired of life being different. I read a story this weekend about a Reddit thread where someone asked the question, “What do you see now that gives you pause when you didn’t think a thing about it before Covid?” Salad bars, blowing out candles on a birthday cake then serving it to others, shaking hands with strangers, wearing masks everywhere, tasting your best friend’s drink. Life will be forever changed by Covid. In many of the same ways a death changes us.
\n\n\nWhat do you do differently now and can’t imagine going back to the old ways?
\n\n\n❄️?❄️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2022-01-24T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2022/01/24/another-angelversary.html", "tags": ["Health","Grief","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/12/25/joy-to-the-world.html", "title": "Joy to the World!", "content_html": "\n“For then the dust will return to the earth, and the spirit will return to God who gave it.”
\nEcclesiastes 12:7 NLT\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/1dcdb6994a.jpg\")
My day didn’t start out as I’d hoped for Christmas Eve. I didn’t sleep well and ended up moving to the guest room so I didn’t keep Mr. FixIt awake all night, too. No need for both of us to be sleep deprived. I laid there awake for hours and…when I’m awake, the motor’s running. My brain, to be exact. When I finally would drift off to sleep, I had nightmares that superimposed Mr. Virgo’s death and Mr. FixIt. I awoke in a sweat each time only to drift off again and take up where I left off. I finally woke up for good around 10:00 and felt lousy. The last thing I wanted to do was cook scallops and lamb chops. I asked my sweetheart if he would mind holding off the celebratory Christmas Dinner till tomorrow. My husband, being the most wonderful man on the planet, rolled with the punches and was fine with that. He is so flexible and patient with me. This is the nature of PTSD and grief. Some days are good…some aren’t. Yesterday didn’t start out good.
\n\n\nHowever…I was bound and determined I was going to lift up out of that blue funk and still enjoy the day, even if it entailed a lot of self care. I looked at the Weather App and it was closing in on 60 degrees by 1:00 here in our little neck of the woods. West Virginia had a rare White Christmas last year. So, of course…it will be springlike with rain this year! I walked into the family room and told Mr. FixIt I had a plan. I was going to go out to the camper and hang out for a little quiet time and recharge.
\n\n\nI was amazed at the number of dead flies and ladybugs in there! It’s the country, and campers aren’t airtight. I took the Dustbuster out and swept up and cleaned out the refrigerator and cabinets of any food items. I should have done that a couple months ago, but just didn’t get around to it. Once the place was clean, I climbed in my bed, pulled a pile of covers over me and sunk down in…breathing a sigh of relief.
\n\n\nI love camper time. I especially needed it yesterday and it was like medicine. I curled up and read and just soaked in all that camper goodness. It’s like the playhouse I never had as a kid. The treehouse. The blanket fort. It’s small and cozy and smells like the woods. It soothes me. I drank bottles of water and felt so much better in a couple of hours. I went back inside and greeted my sweetheart. I sat down to knit. He puttered outside for a bit then made a batch of Peanut Butter Blossoms.
\n\n\nThe house soon smelled like peanut butter and chocolate. Another area of lights burned out on the tree. There’s only a couple small gifts under it. My cousin and aunt called me from Nevada to wish us a Merry Christmas. I had video chats with the Colorado families. I ate a little. And before I knew it…I felt so much better…so much lighter. As I talked with Daughter #2, she asked how I was holding up. I was honest and told her everything. Then I apologized and said I’d be better soon. She motioned me to come closer to the camera.
\n\n\n“You are grieving. It’s ok to feel all the feels. Sadness, anger, anxiety…all of it. Do not apologize for feeling your feelings.” She’s right, of course. Smart girl. It’s a little harder to practice what you preach sometimes, isn’t it? At any rate, I felt so much better after connecting with my people. Today is a new day. It might be good. It might not. But it’s a day, and it’s what we got, and I know I can close my eyes at any moment and ask Jesus to come walk with me awhile. To lift me up and make me stronger to do the things that need to be done. It’s His Birthday today, and I can’t think of a better way to spend it than quietly. Paring everything back to the basics has been so healing this year. And, isn’t that’s what it’s all about?
\n\n\nJust…love.
\n\n\n?
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2021-12-25T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/12/25/joy-to-the-world.html", "tags": ["Grief","Comfort","Holiday","Healing","Anxiety"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/12/24/the-ghosts-of-christmas-present.html", "title": "The Ghosts of Christmas Present", "content_html": "\n“For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord.”
\nLuke 2:11 ESV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/3d02fe428e.jpg\")
We have a White Christmas every morning…it’s called FROST!
\n\n\nRemember back when I first lost Mr. Virgo and I told you I’d be talking a lot about grief and it was going to get real and it wasn’t going to be pretty? I still have readers that were with me since before he died and they can tell you…it’s often been a bumpy ride. I’ve learned a lot about grief in the last eight plus years. From my own. From yours. I know now to anticipate the waves because they can hit you hard. I’ve had a lot of waves hit me the last couple of weeks since losing my dear friend, Sparky. I’ll have more.
\n\n\nI decided yesterday that when the wave comes, I’ll acknowledge it…honor that pain. Because deep grief means deep love and I am so, so blessed to have many friends that I love to that depth. Acknowledge the pain, honor the pain, thank the pain for reminding you of the depth of love, then let go of the string on that balloon. Send it off up to the heavens. Then…and this is the important follow up…remember something truly wonderful about your person you lost. Their sense of humor. Their strength. Their ability to come up swinging every time life knocked them down. The way they made you feel when you were with them. Cry if you need to, but only as you watch the balloon. Then pick yourself up and move on down the road. Repeat as often as necessary.
\n\n\nI had an appointment in town yesterday and decided to go across the river to my favorite grocery story in Ohio. The traffic was abysmal. There was a bad wreck on the main drag and I couldn’t get around it. I felt my anxiety rise as we inched forward. What was I going to see? Would it trigger my PTSD? Then, just as soon as I felt those thoughts, I turned them to prayers. “Lord, be with the people in this wreck and comfort their pain and fear.” “Lord, give everyone patience as we sit here waiting for the traffic to move.” “Lord, lift any anxiety and fear in me so that I can be of service in some way.”
\n\n\nJust then, we got to the spot where three lanes of traffic merged down to one and a turn lane. And there were emergency vehicles coming in both directions. “Lord, part the traffic so the rescuers can get in.” I looked to my right and stopped. I let cars go through in front of me. I’m sure the people behind me were thrilled with me but that was what I did. When I got to the grocery store, people were literally driving around and around the jam-packed parking lot waiting for a spot to open up. Ohhhhhh, no…huh-uh. I didn’t need anything that bad. Besides, I had to stop at Walmart anyway to pick up prescriptions.
\n\n\nI made a couple of quick stops then went to Walmart. It was so crammed full and if I hadn’t been out of one of my meds, I would have skipped that one, too. I honestly felt like I was standing in a bee hive. I chatted with the other ladies in the line. Isn’t it funny when you look at people and think of them as “little old ladies” and realize they’re not that much older than you? I notice the skin on the back of my hands is getting thin. I can see the blue veins. Then I laugh. Because…there’s still blood coursing through those veins! “So. Snap out of it!” I hear Sparky say from afar.
\n\n\nI grabbed milk and eggs and oatmeal for cookies and got the heck out of there.
\n\n\nHo! Ho! Ho! I gotta GO!
\n\n\nAnd here it is…Christmas Eve. My heart is a little lighter. Or maybe it’s just that I don’t have to go to town and dive in the hive for a couple of days. At any rate, there’s cookies to be made. Peanut Butter Fudge. Candied Walnuts. Festive containers to be stuffed with delectable treats and delivered to the neighbors. Then, Christmas Eve Dinner for Two…Orange Maple Lamb Chops, Scallops with Lemon Garlic Butter, Baked Potatoes, and Steamed Broccoli. Then we’ll watch White Christmas. And all will be as right with the world as it’s going to be this year. Our Christmas with the kids will be on Sunday, so I’ll have a lazy Christmas Day in my jammies, wrapping presents and knitting.
\n\n\nMay Peace be with you this Christmas…and always.
\n\n\n?
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2021-12-24T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/12/24/the-ghosts-of-christmas-present.html", "tags": ["Grief","Hope","Comfort"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/12/23/its-christmas-so-why-aint.html", "title": "It’s Christmas So Why Ain’t I Jolly?", "content_html": "\n“In those days a decree went out from Caesar Augustus that all the world should be registered. This was the first registration when Quirinius was governor of Syria. And all went to be registered, each to his own town. And Joseph also went up from Galilee, from the town of Nazareth, to Judea, to the city of David, which is called Bethlehem, because he was of the house and lineage of David, to be registered with Mary, his betrothed, who was with child.”
\nLuke 2:1-5 ESV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/437ace5a83.jpg\")
Lawzy me…my leggings are lying to me. They’re saying, “Go ahead…eat that cookie. We got you, boo!” I went to the doctor this week and, while I haven’t really gained anything…I sure as heck didn’t lose any. So, I’ll take that as a win, considering what we’ve been through the last couple of years. It’s a wonder I’m not bigger than the broad side of a barn! I baked dozens of Chocolate Chip Cookies yesterday. We like to give cookies to the neighbor children so I’ve been having fun in the kitchen. Unfortunately, I’ve been my own taste tester, too.
\n\n\nLosing one of my besties last week really took the wind out of my sails. I’m just so blah about the holidays now. Well, let me rephrase that. I don’t have the spirit like I’ve had for Christmases past. I’ve been quietly knitting and puttering around in the kitchen. I’ve tried to stay in the moment and not focus on the loss(es) directly while remaining mindful of the changes they have wrought.
\n\n\nI’m not as interested in gifts as I used to be…giving or receiving. I don’t look forward with the delicious anticipation of my younger years. As I sit and knit in front of the fire, I examine what is really important. We watched “It’s a Wonderful Life” yesterday afternoon. George Bailey lost everything when he wished he’d never been born and he was shown what the world would be like if he’d never been in it. It was dismal and dark and when he learned his lesson, and was miraculously restored back to the life he thought was so awful, he had a new appreciation for it.
\n\n\nWhen you experience the loss of someone you love…especially this close to the holidays…it brings home what is really important. Rushing around in the malls and spending money you don’t have is not the most important. Having the perfectly decorated home and the perfect family photo on the Christmas card and piles of presents under the tree is not the most important. Being exhausted, stressed, overstimulated and cranky is definitely not the most important. Don’t get me wrong…those are great things! Oh, my gosh…when you can pull off the magic of Christmas and make it look all Hallmark and happy and everyone has a great time? Wow…that is really, really awesome and fun.
\n\n\nIt’s not all that work that’s important, though. It’s the memories you make with the people you love that made all that work worthwhile. It’s the quiet camaraderie of sitting together…knitting, reading, napping in the recliner, watching a tender movie. It’s the filling of the bird feeders. It’s opening the Christmas cards from friends and family. It’s making homemade soup and the house smelling of cookies and cinnamon and tea.
\n\n\nWe got the kids what they wanted. We got new cell phones this year as our big gift. We bought a new set of pots and pans…the first time since we’ve been together. Mr. FixIt has had trouble with his left hand feeling cold since he had his second stroke. The other day, I found a battery powered hand warmer at Walmart and brought it home for him. He says it really helps. I have a couple little things for him to open that I think he’ll like. I’m hoping next year will be better.
\n\n\nNo, none of these things mean much to me right now. What’s most important for me this year is Jesus’ birthday. Mary and Joseph had nothing but a donkey and what they could carry. Keeping things simple this year has given me time to be more grateful for the Gift God gave us in His Son. I have no idea how I could get through life without that. I’m glad I don’t have to know.
\n\n\nI’m reminded of that first Christmas without Mr. Virgo and how Santa helped me get through one of the toughest days. If you’ve been with me for a while…you know the story. But I’ll share the link here because it’s just as timely now as it was then. If I could visit with Santa this year, I’d tell him, “My bestie died. I need a new heart.” And he’d drape his arm across my shoulder, just like he did that day nine Christmases ago. https://www.marshmallowranch.com/santa/
\n\n\n?
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2021-12-23T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/12/23/its-christmas-so-why-aint.html", "tags": ["Grief","God","Holiday","Baking"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/12/20/snapping-out-of-it-albeit.html", "title": "Snapping Out of It, Albeit Slowly", "content_html": "\n“fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”
\nIsaiah 41:10 ESV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/c9c568a821.jpg\")
Art: Mary Engelbreit
\n\n\nIf there’s one thing I knew about my friend Sparky, it’s that she didn’t suffer a fool. She was no nonsense…honest, sometimes brutally honest. There were a couple of times she took me to task over something I wrote in my blog. When I was talking about downsizing, I was acting like I’d just discovered a new language and everyone should start speaking it. She reminded me that some people come from an abusive relationship and leave with what they can carry. She was very proud of…and attached to…the things she worked hard for as a single woman and I should acknowledge that. She’s right, of course. I just didn’t have that perspective and I appreciated her telling me her thoughts.
\n\n\nAnother time, I was lamenting the loss of something important to me. Perhaps I’d been lamenting a little too loud, and a little too long for her. She called me and told me to snap out of it. She said, “This isn’t like you to whine.” She was right again. She kicked me in the butt when I needed it, but she would fight to the death for you if you were rightfully distressed.
\n\n\nYou don’t just “snap out of” grief, of course. She knew that. But I’m picking up the pieces of my broken heart…again…and getting back to the art of every day living. I baked two different kinds of cookies yesterday in between watching football games and a series on the History Channel about the early financial tycoons of this country…Rockefeller, Vanderbilt, Carnegie, Morgan, Ford, etc. I knitted dishcloths in between batches of cookies.
\n\n\nRemember how I’ve told you God throws gems down in the flames of our grief? Well, I’ve found a gem in my grieving for Sparky in the form of one of her good friends. He was the person who told us that Sparky died on Monday. He texted me his phone number and I sat on our deck in the unusually warm sunshine of December 13th and cried. We lamented how we would miss her and over the course of the last week, we’ve exchanged several texts…usually sharing the funny kinds of memes that our friend used to share with us and telling funny stories. We met him at the funeral home on Saturday evening. Sparky seems to have brought several of her friends together who didn’t know each other before her passing. This is how we’ll keep her alive…through our collective memories.
\n\n\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/fed8458a2e.jpg\")
Walnut Horns…recipe shared by Richard Lowe
\n\n\nOur new friend shared a recipe on his Facebook page this weekend and, since I was baking, I decided to try it. It’s for Walnut Horns. I’ve also heard of them called Walnut Crescents. They’re a different kind of cookie in that they have a yeasty dough…kinda of like a brioche, but not cooked. They’re quite good so I asked him if I could share the recipe with you here and he said yes.
\n\n\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/b1db1b4d3b.jpg\")
This is how we navigate grief. We form new bonds. We try new things. We bake, we cry, we grow. And each step brings a little tiny bit of healing.
\n\n\n❄️
\n\n\n\n\n\n\n“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”
\nPsalm 147:3 ESV\n
#Grief, #Baking, #Friends
\n\n", "date_published": "2021-12-20T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/12/20/snapping-out-of-it-albeit.html", "tags": ["Grief","Baking","Friends"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/12/18/heavy-sigh.html", "title": "Heavy Sigh", "content_html": "\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/93791552fb.jpg\")
I had kinda forgotten what grief feels like in your body. It’s been over eight years now since I lost Mr. Virgo. I forgot the heavy sighs…that feeling like you just can’t quite take in a deep enough breath. I forgot the deep ache in my chest that physically feels like you’ve been punched in the solar plexus. I forgot how your body hurts…sort of like when you’re coming down with a bad cold.
\n\n\nI have no real appetite. The tears sit behind my eyes till they can’t anymore then they spill over. I know my friend is fine now. I know the pain she had in her back is gone and she’s healed and beautiful and young and free. She’s probably got the angels rolling in the aisles…if they have aisles in Heaven. She’s with her sister and her mom and her dad and all her loved ones that left before us. She’s probably already looked up every musician she ever loved that’s gone before us and is listening to better live music than any she sought out here.
\n\n\nBut, I’m selfish. I want to keep texting with her and laughing at the absurdities of people and life in general. I want to meet her for dinner and go sit by the river and listen to some great guitar aficionado. I want her to answer all my questions, like “Who do I call to get a new roof on the house?” I want her to text me in the morning to say, “Link’s broken” so I’ll know to go fix my morning post. I want her to call me from her car as she is heading to yet another meeting just to tell me they’re having a sale on turkeys at the Pig.
\n\n\nWe are gathering today to remember…seriously, the funniest woman I’ve ever known. And the world is a little less sparkly. She didn’t want a service. She just wanted her friends to gather and share stories and laugh. I’ll bet dollars to donuts there will be music by the Zac Brown Band playing in the background at the funeral home. I sent photos from my phone to add to those collected from her many other friends for a slide show.
\n\n\nIt’s just barely begun to feel real to me. I went all day yesterday without crying. Because I know she’s ok. I know we can’t understand why God takes people when He does. I know there’s nothing I could have done to change the course of Sparky’s passing. I think it’s perfectly natural to feel some guilt. You know…all the “if onlys” and “I should haves”. A wise friend told me to put that **** in a bag, tie it up tight, and give it to God…and DON’T keep taking it back and peeking in to see if He’s taken care of it for you.
\n\n\nIt’s not easy to say goodbye to someone who was such a huge part of your everyday life. But, I’ll learn to navigate around the Sparky-sized hole in my heart and I won’t fall in every time I think of her. I can hear her now. She could swear till a sailor blushed. The socially acceptable version would sound something like, “Snap out of it!” Yeah…that’s not what I’ll hear her saying though. If you knew her…you know exactly what I’m talking about. If you didn’t, you can well imagine.
\n\n\nI am actually looking forward to gathering with our friends and fellow classmates and sharing our grief and our memories. I can guarantee there will be tears…but there will be plenty of laughter, too. So, my dear Sparky…it’ll never be goodbye. It’ll only be…wait for us among the stars. We’ll be along, one of these days. Till then…this song’s for you.
\n\n\n\n\n\n❄️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2021-12-18T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/12/18/heavy-sigh.html", "tags": ["Grief","Gratitude","Wisdom","Courage","Aging","Change","Friends"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/12/16/my-little-feathered-friend.html", "title": "My Little Feathered Friend", "content_html": "\n“Beloved, we are God’s children now, and what we will be has not yet appeared; but we know that when he appears we shall be like him, because we shall see him as he is.”
\n1 John 3:2 ESV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/0c03f2e551.jpg\")
Mr. FixIt and I were sitting in the living room yesterday waiting for his friend to call. They were heading to one of the grandkid’s house to deliver a load of wood for their Christmas present. If it’s warm enough outside, we like to leave the inside door open so we can see outside through the full-length glass storm door. It is a rare occurrence that a bird hits this particular glass, but sure enough, one hit it hard just when Mr. FixIt was walking by.
\n\n\nHe went over to look for the bird when I saw the cat make a beeline for the door. I jumped up and ran out in time to see the cat preparing to leap to the spot halfway up the wall where the bird was clinging to the bricks. Mr. FixIt shooed off the cat while I very carefully took the bird to a safe, quiet place. I could tell she was stunned because her head tipped slightly to the side, her beak was open, and she was breathing fast.
\n\n\nI follow the friend of a friend…Julie Zickefoose. She is an author, illustrator, birder, blogger, naturalist, and the widow of one of the founders of Bird Watcher’s Digest. Just the other day, she found a little titmouse rustling around in the leaves under a window at her house. She doctored it for a couple days, but the internal damage was too great and the bird died during a seizure. She has rescued many birds, and she does caution that it’s not for the amateur.
\n\n\nThe little white-breasted nuthatch didn’t seem to be badly hurt, just stunned. I followed the steps Julie did and took the little bird to a quiet place and held her gently for a few minutes. I could see she was coming around a little. She closed her mouth, but her head was still a little tipped. I gently stroked her on each side of the neck, moving her head a little each way and after another couple of minutes, she was turning her head on her own.
\n\n\nI asked Mr. FixIt to put the cat in the building and I gently placed the bird in the crook of a maple limb in the side yard. I left her alone for an hour to rest. When I came back out, she scooted up higher in the tree and soon flew off into the woods across the road to live another day. It felt good to help this little feathered friend get back on the wing.
\n\n\nI baked cookies while Mr. FixIt was off unloading wood for the grandkids. Just a simple Turtle Cookie that I make every year made with those little square pretzels, Rolos, and pecan halves. I’ll bake more today. I’m not feeling particularly festive after losing my friend, Sparky over the weekend. I took advantage of the time alone to play some Christmas music, string some extra lights on the tree where the other ones burned out, and baked.
\n\n\nI talked to my friend as I worked. I told her how sorry I was that she was gone. I apologized for not coming to her house and dragging her to the ER myself. I asked her to watch out over us all and that I’ll look for signs she may be around. Who knows…maybe she sent the little bird so I could save it since I couldn’t save her? The world is a mysterious place, isn’t it?
\n\n\nSparky’s memorial service is Saturday afternoon. Several of us friends and classmates are arranging a proper charity to send money to. Sparky was a benefactor to several charities and was particularly fond of animals and food pantries. We arranged to donate to a pet food pantry that needed replenishing after sending off a truckload to our neighbors in Kentucky who are reeling from the devastating tornadoes over the weekend.
\n\n\nThere will come a time soon when I will make the conscious decision to pull myself up by the bootstraps and not mope around over my loss. But, this is not the week for that. I will grieve and mourn and cry when I need to and laugh when I can. That’s the thing about grief. Joy and pain can exist at the same time. And eventually there is more joy and less pain. It is the nature of grief.
\n\n\n❄️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2021-12-16T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/12/16/my-little-feathered-friend.html", "tags": ["Grief","Courage","Baking"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/12/15/love-is-like-a-maypole.html", "title": "Love is Like a Maypole", "content_html": "\n“Beside them the birds of the heavens dwell; they sing among the branches.”
\nPsalm 104:12 ESV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/bc0c5e83c2.jpg\")
Mr. FixIt had a routine medical procedure done early yesterday morning. I sat in the truck, browsing through the comments on the tributes to my dear friend, Sparky…tears slowly streaming down my cheeks. I can’t think of her or talk about her or text with someone about her without crying. This is what fresh grief is. This is mourning. This grief will be with me for a while because dealing with loss doesn’t work on a schedule.
\n\n\nI have experienced other losses since Mr. Virgo died. But none that hit me in the gut like this one. I sat back in the truck seat and looked out as the morning light beckoned the early birds from slumber to begin their morning chorus. I thought about Sparky and why my relationship with her has resulted in a deeper grief than some others I’ve encountered in the last few years. The bottom line is how entwined our lives were.
\n\n\nThink of a Maypole. People dance around the pole, weaving ribbons in an intricate pattern. It doesn’t come apart easily, but you can trace a particular colored ribbon from bottom to top as it weaves in and out of the others. It takes all of them to make the big picture. That’s the way love is…any kind of love. Parts of ourselves blend and weave in with those we love so that when they are gone, there’s a hole in the pattern.
\n\n\nAll day yesterday, whenever I saw or heard something funny, I thought of telling Sparky and my heart twisted as I remembered. Any of us who have lost someone dear have experienced the same thing. Time after time, I remembered Mr. Virgo wasn’t coming home from work. Time after time, I remembered my mom was gone when I reached for the phone to call her every Sunday night. Now, time after time, I’ll think of Sparky when I see something hysterically funny.
\n\n\nThat’s not a bad thing. I mean, at first it’s gonna sting. But, for the rest of my life, I get to think of my friend every time I laugh. There are worse things in the world than celebrating joy in the memory of a great friend. I’ll get there. For now, I’ll experience the pain. It’s part of the process of grief. It’s the price I pay for having had a great friend.
\n\n\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/04058afc4b.jpg\")
I have something cute that I didn’t get the chance to show Sparky. I have a friend in California who is a widow who taught herself how to carve wooden figurines. I showed you the little grandma that I bought from her last year. This year I bought a Santa and I’ve decided to buy a new one every Christmas for the windowsill in the family room. Follow my friend’s page and you can see all the cute things she creates from solid pieces of wood. Cozy Cabin Carvings by Evelyn Jimenez can be found on Facebook HERE.
\n\n\n❄️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2021-12-15T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/12/15/love-is-like-a-maypole.html", "tags": ["Grief","Love","Friends"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/12/14/never-miss-a-chance-to.html", "title": "Never Miss a Chance to Say I Love You", "content_html": "\n“Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins.”
\n1 Peter 4:8 ESV\n
![\"RPod](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/934ffd8f11.jpg\")
“Converting the sofa to a spare bed in the RPod 196!”
\n\n\nI am crushed. I found out yesterday one of my dearest friends in the world has passed away. Sparky was short but she loved big. She gave selflessly to the underprivileged and had a huge heart for animals. She told me she was one cat shy of being an official Cat Lady. She shot from the hip and didn’t pull punches. If you ticked her off, she’d tell you so to your face. We sent all those “not safe for work” memes that you can’t put on your Facebook page but that we thought were uproariously funny. She adored live music and went every chance she got. We chatted almost every day`and never went more than just a few days without checking in.
\n\n\nWe graduated from high school together…Mr. Fixit and Sparky and me. Although we didn’t know each other until the Days of Facebook, we had become very close. She made me a better person…sometime kicking me in the butt to do it. She was at our wedding. She called from the car all the time. I’m not sure how to navigate again.
\n\n\nOne of my favorite memories with Sparky was when I was pulling the Girl Camper Raffle Trailer around to the State Parks here in West Virginia. She was NOT a camper…not by any stretch of the imagination. So, when she texted me and said she had a surprise for me, I had no idea what to expect. Turns out, she wanted to go camping with me so I could write about it. You know, what it’s like to take a non-camper camping. We had a blast, but I have to say…she informed me she would NEVER be doing that again! You can read about it HERE.
\n\n\nSparky and I said I love you every once in a while when we hung up the phone. It was usually after we found out someone we knew had passed away. When I first came to West Virginia to live after Mr. Virgo died, one of our friends lost her son in a freak accident. Sparky and I went to the viewing together. It was the first time I’d set foot in a funeral home since Mr. Virgo was in one. I don’t know what she read on my face, but she waited an appropriate time then grabbed me by the arm and said, “Let’s get some air.” She always seemed to know what you needed and if she could give it to you, she knew where you could get it.
\n\n\nWe cannot go through life without losing people we love. And we can’t live and love people without getting on each other’s nerves from time to time. But please…please…please, don’t ever miss the opportunity to let the people you love know that. Make it weird. Hug them. Give them goofy cards. Send them funny memes. Tell them they make a difference in your life. It gives me comfort that Sparky knew exactly how much I cared for her.
\n\n\nTill we meet again, my friend.
\n\n\n❄️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2021-12-14T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/12/14/never-miss-a-chance-to.html", "tags": ["Grief","Change","Friends"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/12/12/soft-memories-hard-memories.html", "title": "Soft Memories, Hard Memories", "content_html": "\n“He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.””
\nRevelation 21:4 ESV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/4a854370fb.jpg\")
There are so many good memories wrapped up in this Holiday Season. Memories of Christmases past can bring us so much joy and peace. Unfortunately, these times can also bring us hard, painful memories. Hurtful things may have happened to us as children and the holidays can trigger that. And, some of us are experiencing our first or second holiday without our person and we find little joy in the twinkling lights and merriment invading the sturdily erected walls we’ve placed around our hearts.
\n\n\nI remember well that first holiday after Mr. Virgo died. All I wanted to do was draw up in a ball in my bed and stay there till spring. I know I went to Denver to be with my kids that Christmas, but I have no memory of it. I do remember an amazing visit with Santa and sharing my broken heart with him. I had such hopes that the second Christmas would be better, but things fell apart with my elderly aunt at the farm and I had to change directions yet again. The third Christmas was easier, and subsequent holidays easier still.
\n\n\nThat doesn’t mean I’ve forgotten Mr. Virgo, or that I don’t think of him…especially at holiday time. It’s really hard to explain the changes my new love has brought me. There has been great healing in my heart. Mr. FixIt is such a great husband and my best friend. And still, there is a place in my heart where Mr. Virgo lives. It takes a very strong man to marry a widow, just like it takes a very strong person to marry someone who’s been divorced. There are wounds there. And scars. We wrap our wounds together and hold each other close and in time, things mend and stitch together. But, there will forever be a scar there. Grief is the price we pay for love.
\n\n\nI attended an 80th birthday celebration yesterday for one of my mom’s cousins. I gifted Sue one of the memory books of the farm that I wrote this fall. I gave it to her when I arrived, then told her I knew she would be busy greeting all her guests, so I was going to borrow the book and return it before I left. I walked around and shared it with several family members and It was a lot of fun. Those are the soft memories that bring us warmth and joy. We talked about the summers picking strawberries. There were pictures in there some hadn’t seen. I’ve also done a great deal of work on the family tree. I showed them photos of their great-great grandparents and shared some of the stories I know. I’m sensing another book needs to be written…The Farm, Part 2.
\n\n\nI had coffee with some of my classmates yesterday morning which was lovely. I spent the majority of the day chasing down some last minute Christmas gifts. I’m almost finished with the shopping then we can wrap and deliver. For several reasons, we won’t be having a great big family gathering this year. But we’ll have smaller groups and still make warm memories together.
\n\n\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/e4cf086dcf.jpg\")
I think the biggest gift I’m giving myself and Mr. FixIt is as stress free a holiday as I can this year. We have a lot going on in the next few weeks, so “easy does it” is the name of the game. Mr. FixIt baked his FAMOUS peanut butter cookies with the kisses on top yesterday. I had hoped all the baking would be done by now, but I’m afraid not. He did get the new angel on top of the tree yesterday. Maybe I’ll get some baking done today and watch some Christmas movies. That sounds peaceful to me.
\n\n\n❄️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2021-12-12T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/12/12/soft-memories-hard-memories.html", "tags": ["Family","Grief","Memories","Healing"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/11/28/feeling-the-wave-and-letting.html", "title": "Feeling the Wave and Letting it Go", "content_html": "\n“remember the former things of old….”
\nIsaiah 46:9 ESV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/4a679a2647.jpg\")
Blue Jay out the bedroom window
\n\n\nI tried to call my brother on Thanksgiving and couldn’t reach him. He’s in a new place and the number they gave me that’s supposed to ring into his apartment rings into more than one so whoever gets to it first answers. If it’s a client, they politely tell me his lives next door and hang up. Which is fine, but he hasn’t answered his cell phone either. I sent a note to his staff person and she called me on Friday afternoon to say my brother had lost his cell phone. And, she had just found out the phone doesn’t ring into his apartment only so she’s going to rectify both things next week. She let me video chat with him and that did us both a world of good. But, until I could see and talk to him…I was in a funk.
\n\n\nThe waves of grief come so seldom now that when they do, it flat out surprises me. I suddenly felt all the losses so acutely. I am sure reading the memory book of the farm and holding it in my hands started the ball rolling. Then, I got to see my girls on video chat, but…you know…it’s not quite the same. I missed my mom. I thought about Mr. Virgo. I longed for my grandma’s pumpkin pie. I wanted to see my cousins. I just flat out had a pity party.
\n\n\nI let myself feel all the feelings. I let them wash over me with the salty sting of sea water. I’ve finally learned it only makes matters worse to fight it. I’ve also learned…they’re just feelings. They aren’t going to kill me. I can hold joy and pain in the same space. I can feel sorrow and happiness. Presence and loneliness. Energy and fatigue. And life will go on. The sun will set and come up the next morning.
\n\n\nThere is so much going on in the world that so easily brings you down. If we focus on the sensational…the news that sells…we’ll soon be totally overwhelmed. Add a grief wave and it can knock your socks off. We were going to put up the tree yesterday and didn’t because the Ohio-Michigan game was on and it was a thriller. So the tree waits for another day. Last night I bent over and felt something pop in my lower back with an accompanying sharp pain that took my breath away. It’s just another thing to remind me I’m not a spring chicken anymore.
\n\n\nAm I going to go down the dark path? Nope. I’m going to “rub some dirt in it” as my grandma always said. Just get up and move on to the next thing…albeit a little more gingerly today. Life is what we make of it.
\n\n\nMake it good whenever you can.
\n\n\n?
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2021-11-28T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/11/28/feeling-the-wave-and-letting.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/11/14/the-journey-never-really-ends.html", "title": "The Journey Never Really Ends, You Just Learn How to Ride", "content_html": "\n“The people who walked in darkness have seen a great light; those who dwelt in a land of deep darkness, on them has light shone.”
\nIsaiah 9:2 ESV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/8faa0f826f.jpg\")
I was writing my post Friday night as I always do. Then I schedule it to go live at 4:00am so you can sit down and have coffee “with” me. I checked my messages and a reader shared the following poem from the website, A Bed for My Heart.
\n\n\n— You Don’t Just Lose Someone Once —\n\nYou lose them over and over, \nsometimes many times a day.\nWhen the loss, momentarily forgotten,\ncreeps up, \nand attacks you from behind.\nFresh waves of grief as the realisation hits home,\nthey are gone.\nAgain.\n\nYou don’t just lose someone once, \nyou lose them every time you open your eyes to a new dawn,\nand as you awaken, \nso does your memory, \nso does the jolting bolt of lightning that rips into your heart,\nthey are gone.\nAgain.\n\nLosing someone is a journey,\nnot a one-off.\nThere is no end to the loss,\nthere is only a learned skill on how to stay afloat,\nwhen it washes over.\n\nBe kind to those who are sailing this stormy sea, \nthey have a journey ahead of them,\nand a daily shock to the system each time they realise,\nthey are gone,\nAgain.\n\nYou don’t just lose someone once, \nyou lose them every day, \n\nfor a lifetime.\n\n© Donna Ashworth Words\n\n\n\n
She said it made her cry. I understand that. I know the sentiment of this poem. I’ve lived it. I still live it…even though I am very happily remarried. Even though I have a beautiful life I never dreamed possible. I’m still a widow. Not an actively grieving widow…but a widow nonetheless. I shared with her something that happened to me Friday.
\n\n\nI was sitting at the DMV, waiting for my number to be called, and decided to pick up my phone and scroll through Facebook. I came to a photo that puzzled me. It was a picture of a building, half torn down. The red dirt and scrub oak beyond the building were unmistakably Western Colorado. There was something vaguely familiar about that building but I couldn’t put my finger on it. I looked to see who posted it. It was someone I know in the town I lived in for many years. The caption said, “Let’s all do our own little Rivers dance…? in honor.” That is when it hit me. That far wall of windows.
\n\n\nThey were tearing down Rivers Restaurant in Glenwood Springs. Ohhhh, the memories. Years and years of memories. It was called Penelope’s when we first moved to the area in 1986. It was in this restaurant that Hubby #2 and I had dinner with the doctors who were interviewing him to join their practice. It was in this restaurant where we spent countless Happy Hours schmoozing with our friends and cohorts in the medical community. Birthday dinners. Dinners out for no other reason than to indulge in their Elk Medallions.
\n\n\nIt was also the restaurant where Mr. Virgo and I got married.
\n\n\nOn the other side of those windows is…was…a large deck that overlooked the Roaring Fork River with a view of Mount Sopris up the valley. It was a chilly April Saturday, nestled between two snow storms…a day filled with sunshine and laughter and love. It was a beautiful day, a beautiful setting, a beautiful building.
\n\n\nAnd, now it’s gone. It’s just another thing…a page from a storybook…ripped away and floating off on some unseen breeze. The last time I stayed in Glenwood by myself, I went in and had dinner. I sat where I could see the area that held the reception. Sweet memories. I’m glad I got to dine in there one last time. I’d heard it sold, but I just assumed another restaurant would take it’s place.
\n\n\nThere will always be losses and more losses tied to the death of a loved one. I am so very grateful time has softened the sharp edges of my grief and I’m left with warmth and gratitude that’s mixed in with that familiar little squeeze in my chest.
\n\n\n?
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2021-11-14T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/11/14/the-journey-never-really-ends.html", "tags": ["Colorado","Grief","Memories","Marriage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/11/07/a-letter-to-a-friend.html", "title": "A Letter to a Friend", "content_html": "\n“When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears and delivers them out of all their troubles. The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all. He keeps all his bones; not one of them is broken.”
\nPsalm 34:17-20 ESV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/998d4358e7.jpg\")
Dr. Sue and Me in Deadwood, SD
\n\n\nJust a few weeks after Mr. Virgo died, I took off in my first little camper…all by myself…for the adventure of a lifetime. There aren’t very many moments in time that you can just…leave. And that’s exactly what I did. I had no idea where I was going except a general direction and people I definitely wanted to spend a little time with. I didn’t have reservations ahead of time. I just flew by the seat of my pants and set out to heal my grief…one campfire at a time.
\n\n\nThis was when I started writing this blog. I was so inspired by other women camping by themselves and in groups…pulling their cute little campers all on their own. I made fast friends of these gals and they all still mean the world to me. In the fall of 2013, the Sisters on the Fly were meeting for one of their large regional gatherings in Estes Park, Colorado…right in my backyard, so to speak. I couldn’t wait to join them and meet like minded women…and learn as much as I could from them.
\n\n\nOne woman in particular really stood out to me. Dr. Sue Clifton came all the way from Mississippi hauling her little vintage tin can named “Spam I Am”. Sue brought the most divine Coconut Cake from Sugaree’s Bakery in Albany, Mississippi. Land’s sakes…I honestly thought I’d died and gone to Heaven. It was the BEST cake I think I’ve ever had.
\n\n\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/c8c679e02a.jpg\")
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/4b6b403c56.jpg\")
Sugaree’s Bakery makes the BEST Coconut Cake on the planet!
\n\n\nDr. Sue and I sat and talked the first evening at the “come and get to know your new friends” gathering. I asked her about herself. She had her PhD in Education and was a retired English teacher turned Principal. Her sweet hubby Woody was actually working in my home state at the time…putting in some sort of huge pieces of equipment in power plants, I think. They had a second home in Montana where they fly fished at every opportunity.
\n\n\nWhen Dr. Sue asked about me, I told her the story about losing Mr. Virgo so soon after finding him. I told her about the day we were standing in a camper, picking out the one we wanted for retirement, when he had a sudden heart attack and was gone within two or three hours. You could hear the pain in my voice…see it in my eyes. As I told her my story, tears quietly slid down her cheeks and she hugged me close. We had an instant bond and even though we’ve only camped together a couple of times, we stay in touch regularly.
\n\n\nEight months ago, Dr. Sue’s beloved cowboy…her Woody…died after a struggle with glioblastoma. Brain Cancer. She was incredibly brave. She took care of her sweetheart with a tender heart and a fierce faith. They had a good couple of years…much longer than the doctors told them they’d have. They communed and fell in love all over again and she walked him home. What greater gift can one give to another but a peaceful transition?
\n\n\nAnd now…here she is, still so fresh in her grief. She posted on Facebook yesterday, quoting an article on Complicated, Prolonged Grief. Bless her heart…at just eight months. I reached out and posted a response. I could have sent it privately, but as is my wont…every moment is a teaching moment. So I’ve decided to share my advice here as well. Because I know someone needs to hear this today and it’s been a while since we delved into grief. I won’t share her post, but here is my comment:
\n\n\n“Sweetheart, I’m going to jump in here and sit with you a minute, ok? I haven’t read any of the other responses…I never do that. Because, if it’s what I was going to say, I feel stupid saying the same dang thing ten other folks already said. And, if it’s the OTHERS saying something that can come across as hurtful or unhelpful, I don’t want to get ticked off, capisce?
\n\n\nFirst, please be gentle with your sweet and battered self. It feels to me you are trying to find a timeline with which to compare your “progress” on this grief journey. Please don’t do that. I did it, we probably all did it, but it isn’t helpful because, in the end, grief is just…grief. One cannot compare one’s grief to another’s. It’s as individual as a fingerprint. And…pay close attention to this one…YOUR grief is the WORST grief in the world because it’s YOURS. This is a really hard and shitty thing to go through.
\n\n\nI understand you wanting to protect others from your pain. I tried that, too. I made it to month nine when I cried uncle and went to see a grief counselor. I was suffering PTSD from watching the unsuccessful CPR. My guess is, you are suffering the same thing from being a primary caregiver and watching your most beloved person die. How could you NOT have PTSD?
\n\n\nHere is my suggestion…find a therapist who is trained in EMDR…Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. It is THE treatment for PTSD and it honestly saved me from skidding off the ledge. Eat well, rest, drink plenty of water, avoid drugs and alcohol, and get out for a walk every day. Say no unapologetically if you need to. Do one thing every day that scares you or makes you feel uncomfortable. Desensitization will take you far on this path. Write down the names and numbers of people who say…call me anytime. They are worth their weight in gold. CALL THEM when you are hurting. If they are any kind of true friend, they will do what my friend Deb did and listen to my wails, throwing in the occasional commiseration like, “I know, sweetheart…I know.”
\n\n\nYou fly fish. Have you ever tried to stand in the middle of a roaring river, facing upstream, and try to hold it back with your hands? It doesn’t work, does it? It’s the same way with grief. Turn around and look downstream. That’s the direction you’re heading anyway. Lean back into the water like you’re sitting in a lounge chair with your feet in front of you and see where the water takes you. I guarantee you there are going to be rapids ahead that are going to threaten to drown you. But, look at you! You have survived through 100% of the really hard days you have gone through so far.
\n\n\nI know it is so hard to believe this, but there are calmer waters up ahead. Just keep going. And remember…there is only one way to get through grief….and, that’s to grieve. Don’t put a label on it. Six months? I call BS, Pauline. Whoever wrote that article you read hasn’t tied your shoes…so they don’t get to tell you how to wear them, lovie. My heart is with you. ?”
\n\n\nGrief is so hard and it gets harder before it eases up. You never “get over it” but you can “get through it”. It takes a lot of tears and strength and courage and…for me…faith in a God far bigger than me that could carry me though it all. I promised God if he would bring me the words, and the people to read them, I would continue to tell people where I find my strength.
\n\n\nI could never have done this without Jesus to walk with me and hold my heart in His hands.
\n\n\n?
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2021-11-07T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/11/07/a-letter-to-a-friend.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Healing"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/10/10/insights-and-accolades.html", "title": "Insights and Accolades", "content_html": "\n“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.”
\nProverbs 3:5-6 ESV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/133455f700.jpg\")
I love how the stop action in this shot froze the raindrops in the sunshine. It looks like glitter!
\n\n\nI told you yesterday about going up to Pennsylvania to sit with my besty Gail. You were so kind to say what a good friend I am…and I appreciate that. I love Gail to the moon and back. I love all my besties to the moon and back. But I can’t always pull off what I did Friday.
\n\n\nA dear friend asked me a couple years ago to take her to her appointment and sit with her while she got a transfusion. Another friend asked me if I could drive her to Columbus to an eye specialist. I couldn’t do either one and it had absolutely nothing to do with how much I love them. It had everything to do with my anxiety disorder and the feeling of being out of control. The very thought of going filled me with waves of anxiety, fear, and nausea.
\n\n\nHaving PTSD on top of an anxiety disorder certainly doesn’t help matters. So all of this has been made worse by losing Mr. Virgo. Yep…it’s been over eight years since I sat and watched him die. Nope, I’m not “over it”. You don’t ever get over it…you manage to get through it. You manage to get distance and figure out how to keep from falling off the edge. But, over it? Not so much.
\n\n\nDoes this mean I don’t love the friends I couldn’t help as much as those I did? Heck no. The difference was, I woke up Friday morning and I made the decision to go. No one expected anything of me. No one demanded anything of me. No one asked anything of me. I was in control of the decision so it was easier for me to go.
\n\n\nI hate letting people down…so I avoid situations in which there is the chance of disappointing someone. There is some research being done in England on Pathological Demand Avoidance. It is a rare little spot on the autism spectrum and it’s getting some attention. When I first read about it, it not only made so much sense to me surrounding my own behaviors, but it also described Daughter #2 as well.
\n\n\nWhen someone asks something of someone with PDA, they will jump through hoops to avoid it because of the severe anxiety it produces. They make excuses, they roll play when they can’t get out of it, they avoid situations where they feel out of control. I know I’ve hurt my friends’ feelings in the past and I hate that. I think the ones who really love me have understood when I explain, but I hate that I have to. The key is to be honest and explain yourself to them. And pray they understand.
\n\n\nI’m better in general than I used to be. I attribute a lot of that to healing and prayer and remembering I can to all things through Christ who strengthens me. Still, there are times when I have to say no. It makes me look like an untrustworthy friend. And I hate that the most. I think the thing I want you to take away from this is…
\n\n\nIf you ask something of someone and they cannot do it…please don’t automatically assume they are selfish or they don’t feel for you the same as you feel for them. Please don’t think they have something better to do or they don’t want to help you. We cannot know what is going on in another person’s mind…the way they see life…the way they deal with trauma and surprises and emergencies. I think my really good friends understand me…and they love me in spite of myself.
\n\n\nI just try to do my best and be the best person I can be. The rest I leave up to God to help me through.
\n\n\n?
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2021-10-10T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/10/10/insights-and-accolades.html", "tags": ["Health","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Fear","Anxiety"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/09/25/god-rescued-me-from-the.html", "title": "God Rescued Me From the Waves", "content_html": "\n“Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another.”
\nEphesians 4:25 ESV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/79f0f8b4d2.jpg\")
Six years ago this week, I went to the beach with a girlfriend. I pulled the big camper and we camped at Myrtle Beach. I’d never been there before and was so excited. We were hit with a huge rainstorm on the way down, and by the time I’d unhitched the camper and got it set up…the real rain began. We had inadvertently set up camp during the tail end of a hurricane.
\n\n\nIt rained for a week straight with only the slightest break to get outside for a few minutes before it began again. The total rainfall that week was something like 24”! The lower campground flooded. A lot of people pulled out and went home. Not us. We were determined to see this through to the bitter end. The friends we met down there went home when their week was up. I asked the friend staying with me if she had anything pressing to get home to and she said no. So we signed up for another four or five days. The weather was gorgeous and the week ended on a sunnier note.
\n\n\nWhen I was browsing through photos the other day, I came across this one taken during that camping trip. It was high tide, the storm was churning off shore, and the waves were really strong. I was two years a widow and I think I still had a bit of a death wish going on. I honestly thought losing Mr. Virgo would kill me, so what difference did it make if it was the waves of grief or the waves of an angry sea?
\n\n\nThere have been so many moments in my life that were just like standing in that roaring surf…the earth threatening to give way beneath me and send me crashing to a grisly death. The shock and betrayal of childhood sexual abuse. The pain of an unwanted divorce. The alienation of my family. The sudden loss of Mr. Virgo relatively soon after we got married. Yet…I have survived 100% of the time.
\n\n\nWhen I look at this picture, I see a woman who really didn’t have a grasp of the great danger she was in. At the same time, I see a woman who stepped WAY out of her comfort zone in order to see her own strength. Face it…I wasn’t wrapped too tight right then. But, it made a good picture and a story about living life a little on the edge.
\n\n\nLife was numb the first year. Life was so much harder the second year because he was really GONE and I knew it in my bones. This picture was taken at the beginning of the third year…the year of self-expression. The year of personal growth. The year of conversations with God. The year I realized He had rescued me from the waves.
\n\n\nAs I sat around the campfire last night, I thought of this picture and smiled at the beautiful, adventurous, and brave women sitting with me. Each has had their own struggles…their own fight with the waves. And each has been lifted and carried by a loving Father when times got tough.
\n\n\nI love these women.
\n\n\n?
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2021-09-25T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/09/25/god-rescued-me-from-the.html", "tags": ["Grief","Camping","Healing"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/08/27/unexpected-joy-unexpected-pain.html", "title": "Unexpected Joy… Unexpected Pain", "content_html": "\n“This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you.”
\nJohn 15:12 ESV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/eead471f34.jpg\")
I Broke the Mower!
\n\n\nWe awoke to partly cloudy skies yesterday with a forecast of “slightly cooler” than it’s been. While we were having breakfast, I asked Mr. FixIt if he thought we should go out to the farm and mow. We had to take his truck because the camper is still hooked up to mine. The AC isn’t working in his truck so we drove through the countryside with the windows down and the air felt so good.
\n\n\nIt’s apparent the seasons are about to change here in West Virginia. We may not get the beautiful leaf colors we usually have because we had such a long dry spell for much of the last month. The leaves will probably turn brown and fall off fairly quickly. Unlike the year I pulled the Girl Camper Raffle Trailer around the state of West Virginia all of October 2019. The colors were spectacular that year.
\n\n\nI’ve been looking at some of the beautiful pictures I’ve taken since Mr. Virgo died. I am moving photos from my phone to a flash drive and then transferring them to my computer. There are some 35,000 photos on my phone. Do I need all of them? Heck no. But just like going through a hoarder’s house, I have to go through each photo and delete the ones I don’t want and save the ones I do. (You think that’s bad...I have 42,643 emails in my inbox!) I just don’t stay on top of that stuff. However, seeing the photos of some of my solo travels as my grief began to ease filled me with a sense of unexpected pride and joy.
\n\n\nBack to the farm…I got the mower out of the barn and stopped in back of the house to check the oil. It’s been dripping oil and I wanted to make sure there was plenty. I lifted the engine cover and suddenly I heard a crack. I looked down in time to see one of the hinges broke completely off one side of the hood. Before I could reach and grab it, the other hinge broke from the added weight and the whole hood fell off on the ground in front of the tractor.
\n\n\nWe just stood there dumbfounded, looking at each other. Dang. I picked up the hood and put it on the back porch. The tractor runs and mows just fine without the hood, but now it isn’t as pretty as it was before. On the plus side, the oil level was fine and I quickly had the whole place mowed while Mr. FixIt worked on the trimming.
\n\n\nI went inside and sat down for a moment to reflect. As I told you on Wednesday, yesterday would have been my mom’s 96th birthday. What I hadn’t remembered was…50 years ago yesterday, my PopPop died unexpectedly on my mom’s birthday. I sat in the chair in the dining room, remembering my grandma telling me how he didn’t feel well that day, but he didn’t want to go to the hospital…because it was my mom’s special day.
\n\n\nLosing my PopPop was my first brush with death. Grandma had asked him that day if he’d eat some corn if she heated it up. He said yes, so she went out to the cellar house to get a jar and by the time she got back inside…he was gone. She had my uncle carry him out to the car, and she drove like a maniac to town through those winding West Virginia roads I know like the back of my hand. She stopped at the State Police Barracks just at the edge of town and they led her through traffic with their sirens wailing to get him to the hospital as soon as possible…though even they knew it was too late.
\n\n\nGrandma was only 64…PopPop was 72. I sat there in the same room where she found him, thinking of her with a renewed sense of empathy for her pain. He died just three months before their 50th Anniversary. They’d been married since she was 15. He was all she’d known. I thought my pain was bad. I cannot imagine hers. They lost a beloved son in a plane crash a couple of years after I was born. She lost her beloved husband just before a milestone event in their lives. She went on to live another 29 years without him.
\n\n\nI shook myself from my reverie and gathered up my things to head home. I put the mower away and locked everything up. We loaded the push mower in the truck and headed to town to pick up some prescriptions. And here we are…at that age where it feels like we are either at the doctor or filling a prescription every time we turn around. I tweaked something in my hip the other night stepping into the pool. The simplest of things can bring the sharpest of pains…physical and emotional. Ice and NSAIDs are my friend right now because we are preparing for a very LONG road trip. I can’t get knocked down. I don’t have time.
\n\n\nAt least all we have to do is put a few things in the truck and we’re about ready.
\n\n\n?
\n\n\n\n\n\n\n“‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.””
\nRevelation 21:4 NIV\n
#Memories, #Grief, #Healing, #Joy
\n\n", "date_published": "2021-08-27T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/08/27/unexpected-joy-unexpected-pain.html", "tags": ["Family","Grief","Be Joyful!","Memories","Healing"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/08/04/bluebirds-and-grief-and-healing.html", "title": "Bluebirds and Grief and Healing", "content_html": "\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/2123c007ed.jpg\")
I saw a story on the news shortly after Mr. FixIt and I got married. It was about a man on a mission. He had lost his wife and consequently, his sense of purpose. She loved her garden and the beautiful birds that gathered there. Especially bluebirds. That struck a chord with me because Mr. Virgo has always sent me bluebirds to comfort me since he died. Ron Rudolph paid homage to his wife’s memory by building bluebird houses.
\n\n\nYou can read all about his story on my previous post HERE.
\n\n\nSince this story went viral, Mr. Rudolph needed to add helpers to fill all the order for his bluebird houses and kits to make your own. And now, his daughter has written a children’s book to help young people learn to cope with grief. I received a message from the author, Kristy Boike asking if I would share the website for “Rise Up, Little Bluebirds” and…of course…I told her I was more than happy to do that. (Isn’t it interesting that I chose the name for the new camper… “The Birdhouse”…or “Birdie” for short…just before I read Kristy’s message? There are no such things as coincidences!)
\n\n\nIt just so happens, we went to the farm yesterday to mow. While we were camping, Gail shared a new app with me from The Cornell Lab called “Merlin” which helps to identify birds by description, photo, or sound. I played with it at the farm and, since the birds are not sitting on the nest at this time of year, I called in several species…one of which was the Eastern Bluebird. Two pairs came and sat on the telephone wire close to the house and listened…tipping their heads this way and that…trying to figure out why this human sounded just like one of them. It was great fun!
\n\n\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/39ae82901e.jpg\")
So, without further ado…please go check out this precious book and buy one (or more!) for any littles in your life who are going through a hard time with grief and loss.
\n\n\n“Rise Up, Little Bluebirds” Written by Kristy Boike, Illustrated by Kathryn Inkson
\n\n\n?
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2021-08-04T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/08/04/bluebirds-and-grief-and-healing.html", "tags": ["Grief","Hope","Healing"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/05/28/days.html", "title": "3,000 Days", "content_html": "\n“For no prophecy was ever produced by the will of man, but men spoke from God as they were carried along by the Holy Spirit.”
\n2 Peter 1:21 ESV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/35f179da17.jpg\")
Grandma’s Peonies
\n\n\nWhile Mr. FixIt busied himself fixing the door into our pole building, I headed to the farm to bring some more stuff home. I have to admit...I stretched out on Grandma’s bed for a half hour before I packed up the truck. Soaking up the atmosphere. It feels good. I really don’t have a whole lot left out there...but I don’t pack the truck too full with each load. It gives me more trips to the farm! I canceled the Dish Network account out at the farm this morning...thus ending a 23 year run with them. It will be interesting to find out how long that phone number has been in the family!
\n\n\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/433adb29b3.jpg\")
Wisteria
\n\n\nI had a little walkabout and photographed Grandma’s flowers. I think her peonies are the prettiest I’ve ever seen. The irises are lovely, and since irises need to be thinned on occasion, I’m going to bring just a few over to the Ponderosa and make a special flower bed out near my new mini-campground we’re putting in. I also have a she-shed in my future that I want to build out there as part of my little compound for gathering my girlfriends and campout. I have it pictured in my mind. Now I just need to gather old doors and wood to build it with! I have so many projects I want to complete here at the Ponderosa. I do believe, once it’s complete, it shall be renamed...what? Marshmallow Ranch, of course!
\n\n\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/d9c38608c0.jpg\")
Clematis and Carolina Spice Bush
\n\n\nI got the nicest note from Frank and Beans on Wednesday night. They were on their way down to WV to work on their cabin, so when I was finished loading what I wanted to bring home yesterday, I headed up to see what’s going on. They have one of those driveways that are very common in these West Virginia hills...straight up! Well, not really...but it sure seemed that way. I jumped out of the truck to greet my newest friends and look at their place. It’s beautiful up there and they have a view that looks right out over the treetops. It reminds me of pictures taken above the canopy of a rainforest...but without the monkeys!
\n\n\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/8614fdc7ca.jpg\")
Iris, foreground...Rhododendron, background
\n\n\nWhen they had their driveway graded, the folks doing the work found a huge rock in the shape of a heart. It has special meaning to Frank, so I brought them another heart shaped rock I brought home from Colorado and gave it to them as a housewarming gift. I couldn’t stay long, but we vowed to stay in touch, and they reiterated I am welcome to stay at the farm anytime. Just sitting on the porch during a rainstorm will be a huge treat, let alone getting to stay for a day or two.
\n\n\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/bcacff59f3.jpg\")
Iris
\n\n\nI stopped at the store on the way home and fixed a quick supper. We have been dining on the deck every night under the pergola. We’ve only stayed out long enough to turn the market lights on a couple of times because we’ve been so busy with projects. But I envision more late nights out there as we catch up a little. Especially when the kids are here. I’m looking forward to doing more entertaining, as well.
\n\n\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/09952aa4e1.jpg\")
Iris
\n\n\nIt’s supposed to rain today and the weather will turn quite cool over the next few days. The nights will be especially cool...good sleeping weather. I have discovered something very interesting. Now that I write in the spare bedroom, I am sleeping much more soundly when I get up and go to our room. Something about separating “work” from home has really improved my sleep hygiene. I sure wish TOW-Wanda was here and fixed already...I’d really enjoy sleeping out there on these cool nights. That’s what I get for procrastinating getting her to the RV Doctor!
\n\n\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/054ec1ed72.jpg\")
Multiflora Rose
\n\n\nOh, and another thing...just as a matter of course. Today marks 3,000 days since Mr. Virgo died. I never could have dreamed of this life...of experiencing joy and happiness and deep love again. I couldn’t picture myself surviving that loss, let alone coming out the other side with a beautiful and fulfilling life. I just thought I would share that with you so that...if you are bereaved...there is hope for a good life down the road. I know it’s such a hard, hard journey...but a good life is worth working for.
\n\n\n?
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2021-05-28T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/05/28/days.html", "tags": ["Uplifting Stories","Grief","Positive Energy","West Virginia","Growth","Gratitude","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Choices","Change","Widow","Marriage","Healing"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/05/17/it-was-the-best-of.html", "title": "It Was the Best of Times...It Was the Worst of Times", "content_html": "\n“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.”
\nJeremiah 29:11 ESV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/5b84ed3082.jpg\")
Charles Dickens was speaking of the events leading up to the French Revolution, of course. And my little slice of reality is nothing in comparison. However, whenever we are going through hard things, our things are the hardest things because they’re OUR things. Grief has many sources, and it’s no small thing to walk away from your family home.
\n\n\nI’ve been at the farm since Saturday afternoon. I thought I’d get a lot done yesterday, but I did not. And that’s ok. I sat on the front porch most of the day, staring at my grandma’s huge rhododendron. It isn’t lost on me that THE most beautiful peak of bloom is occurring during my last official day here. Tomorrow evening is the close of the auction. I’ve asked everyone I know to buy the farm so I can still come here. Who knows the fate of this land besides God? I just have this wonderful feeling it’s going into the hands of someone who will love it the same as I do. I’m going to stand on that conviction.
\n\n\nI was a sponge yesterday...soaking up every ounce of love from this place. I awoke to the beloved sound of a gentle rain on the tin roof...even though we had no such rain predicted. I drove over to the service station-diner-convenience store-tire center early to get some butter. I forgot to bring some over and I want pancakes on my last morning here. The time passed all too quickly and just as the light began to change, I snapped this shot of the perfect blossoms on the perfect bush in the most perfect place I know. I sat on the porch and watched the chipmunks chasing each other around the yard. A flicker kept sweeping in to the old, rotten stump of the poplar tree my PopPop planted years ago...snatching an insect here and there, then flying on. A big, fat rabbit slowly made its way along the base of the spirea along the ditch by the road....nibbling on the new grass and avoiding the bee balm and flags.
\n\n\nThe neighbor across the road was planting his garden. It’s always so lovely because he keeps the deer out with an electric fence. Otherwise, it’s nothing but a salad bar for critters. His wife came out with Molly, their one year old lab pup who is full of boundless energy. Bees from the hives down the road buzzed from flower to flower. I happily munched on my sandwich, sharing some chips with the chipmunks. Four-wheelers came one by one down the road...heading back home after a fun day of “muddin’” on the area’s many dirt roads that lead to old oil and gas wells and timber cuts.
\n\n\nAs night fell, I talked with Mr. FixIt. I told him I saw him on the security camera planting OUR garden. I laughed and told him he can’t get away with anything now that we’ve put those in! lol We hung up and I came in, locking the doors behind me...just as Grandma did over the decades she lived in this little red house in the holler. This is my last day. The last night I’ll spend in my grandma’s house. Even if it DOES sell to someone I know and even if I DO get to sleep in here again...it’ll be different. It won’t be ours...mine. Not physically, anyway.
\n\n\nLife is still lovely...and it will go on. More stories will come. I’ll remember things I haven’t told you about the old home place. And...more likely than not...I’ll tell you stories I’ve told you before. I’m of that age, you know. It’s one of the joys of growing older...you get to tell stories with freshness because you can’t remember who you’ve told them to before. Probably easier on me than you, come to think of it.
\n\n\nThe barred owl came to talk softly to me in the growing darkness. He didn’t give his usual full call....just a short “coo” to let me know he was there. Then, ever so slowly, he made his way from tree to tree...getting further and further away...till I could just barely hear him in the woods on the far hill. Fitting, I think....that things get softer and further away as I let this lovely place go.
\n\n\nTomorrow morning, you’ll read of my last night here...but it’s surely not the last you’ll hear about the farm.
\n\n\n?
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2021-05-17T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/05/17/it-was-the-best-of.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","West Virginia","The Farm","Gratitude","Grace","Wisdom","Farm Life","Insight"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/04/08/i-do-my-best-thinking.html", "title": "I Do My Best Thinking When I Drive", "content_html": "\n“I will bless you with a future filled with hope—a future of success, not of suffering. You will turn back to me and ask for help, and I will answer your prayers.”
\nJeremiah 29:11-12 CEV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/7adaec1a8b.jpg\")
Ok, so it was the riding mower...but that still counts, right? We are expecting rain today, so Mr. FixIt said we’d better get the lawn mowed beforehand or it’ll be out of control by next week. Since he was busy working on trimming the outside wall we just painted, and...since I’M the one that loves the riding mower, I quickly volunteered.
\n\n\nIt was partly cloudy so it wasn’t very hot the first half, but then the sun came out full force and I retrieved my “mowing umbrella” to keep the sun off my skin. I used sunscreen and have to be particularly careful of my new scars...one from my surgery last month, and the other from a biopsy taken from my chest last week. Since I had a melanoma removed, I am so careful of my skin.
\n\n\nAs I was mowing, my mind wandered around....making lists for our upcoming trip to the beach, all the things that need doing beforehand, reminding myself to KISS (keep it simple, silly!) Suddenly, I saw the date in my mind. April 7th. Mr. Virgo and I got married on April 7th, 2007. This would have been our 14th Anniversary and that is just not relatable. He died just shy of our 6th...he’s been gone well over the short time that I had him.
\n\n\nI didn’t remember with sadness or longing. I remembered with a sense of incredulity. Here I was, sitting on a riding mower, mowing the five acres I share with a new husband I’ve known for literally 52 years...in West Virginia...my home state. It still seems surreal sometimes. Life hands us curveballs that we never see coming. We wake up one morning, our life is in one piece. We go to bed that night and our life is in shards on the floor. There truly is no rhyme or reason.
\n\n\nI watch my dear friends navigating grief...some newly bereaved, some not so much. When they’re at a certain point in their timeline that I recognize, I want to hold them and tell them to just hang on...just keep putting one foot in front of the other. I see them struggle and I remember struggling. I see them scream at God and I screamed at God, too. My prayer is, when they see me on the road ahead of them, they don’t compare where they are to where I am. We greet each new day of grief differently and no two are the same. Yet, there are patterns that emerge over time.
\n\n\nTime doesn’t heal grief. Grieving heals grief. And “heal” is a slippery word with many meanings attached to it. As I rode the tractor, wind in my hair, I fully realized that God used something so incredibly painful in my life to make me turn to Him for help. He turned that incredible pain into words to help those coming up the path behind me. And, He taught me to appreciate every single moment as it if might be the last...because it might just be.
\n\n\nA sweet friend from my bible study group lost her 28 year old son, suddenly and totally unexpectedly on Wednesday. She got up Wednesday morning and all was right in her world. She went to bed Wednesday night, her life shattered and lying in shards on the floor. There is no rhyme or reason, but I’ll be reaching my hand back to help her up this awful mountain.
\n\n\nIt’s what I do. It’s what God sent me here for.
\n\n\n?
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2021-04-08T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/04/08/i-do-my-best-thinking.html", "tags": ["Grief","Peace","Memories","Healing"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/03/26/neither-here-nor-there.html", "title": "Neither Here nor There", "content_html": "\n“I thank my God in all my remembrance of you,”
\nPhilippians 1:3 ESV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/7948b7e0fd.jpg\")
We are enjoying springtime in West Virginia. We are supposed to get some big storms in the next day or so...storms that would more than likely produce large amounts of heavy wet snow in Colorado elevations. Another reason why I chose to live here. My spirit just couldn’t take any more traditionally “spring” months filled with unpredictable snowstorms. You are neither here nor there in a Rocky Mountain March.
\n\n\nMr. FixIt called me into the living room last night to see this little guy on the front door. This is the “peeper”...the tiny little tree frog that sings its love song on warm evenings in March and April here in the Mountain State. It is truly the harbinger of spring. As I sit here propped up on pillow in the back bedroom, lap desk and iPad on my knees, I’m listening to these little critters out along the creek and low, wet places on our property. Between that, the rain on the dried leaves that sounds like sizzling bacon, and the window wide open...I know exactly what season I am in.
\n\n\nSeasons don’t just come with the change in the orientation of the sun on the earth. Seasons also come with the changes in life. We all have passages through these seasons that seem to divide our journey into distinct chunks of time...childhood, young adult, family, career, empty nest, retirement. In general...aging. Within those divisions are distinct events that become benchmarks of our lives. Coupling, or not. Parenting, or not. Career, or not. Retirement, or not. And within those, we have the monumental moments that can come to define who we are.
\n\n\nMy two most positive pivotal moments in my life were birthing my children. They fill me with love and joy...and occasionally, worry. My two most negative pivotal moments were the overdose...and losing Mr. Virgo. How I carry all four of these events define who I am today.
\n\n\nI have a sweet friend who is a fairly new widow. She has been doing an incredible job, going through all the typical widow stuff, but add in some natural disasters and she has discovered “intermittent mattress surfing”. Those are the rare days when the waves of grief hit so hard you can do nothing but lay in bed and cry. I had those days, too. I’m not worried about her...she knows not to buy real estate there. I have another friend who is marking the sixth angelversary of her husband’s death with her annual solo pilgrimage to the ocean for some solitary meditation. The manner in which we honor and remember changes with the tides of life.
\n\n\nJust as each one of us are fearfully and wonderfully made and totally unique from one another physically, so we are emotionally. Not everyone feels pain in the same way. My daughter broke her ankle, had a plate and seven screws placed, and never took more than an ibuprofen. Some people get a hangnail and you never hear the end of it. In the same way, everyone experiences grief in totally different ways. I used to try to compare where others were in their journey and wonder what was wrong with me. Maybe I was not as far along. Or maybe what was my biggest stumbling block seemed a piece of cake for others.
\n\n\nBy submersing myself in writing this blog in the early days of grief, I learned I was perfectly normal...as was everyone else. We just didn’t all do it the same way. Grief is tough. There is nothing about it that is fun. There is growth you go through that can only be attained through a certain experience, but to say your spouse’s death is responsible for the growth you attain from it is horrifying. You would never wish such a tragedy in the name of personal growth.
\n\n\nThat being said, I do watch the differences in the way widows (and widowers) lead their long term lives after their loss. Some never, ever date or marry again and wouldn’t even consider it. Some might consider it, but don’t ever make a move toward making that happen. Some may have not had a happy marriage so, while the death was difficult, the resultant escape from abuse keeps them firmly planted in freedom. Some cannot stand the thoughts of ever being alone and get hooked up with someone quickly.
\n\n\nI’m a mixture of these, I think. Early on, I told my daughters I would never, ever get married again because I would never put myself through such a loss again. Then I turned around and tried dating a couple of times...WAY too soon and Lord, I’m telling you....what a fiasco either one of those would have been if I would have stuck with them. For me, I came to the conclusion at around four or five years that I really didn’t want to spend the rest of my days alone. It’s not that I don’t love my own company, but I get bored really easily and I love the give and take of marriage. There is always a challenge and there is always a joy. It keeps life interesting.
\n\n\nFor me, the trade off of marrying again has been a sort of “letting go” of Mr. Virgo. My memories of him are not painful now. I still have occasional pangs of sadness when I think of the actual loss but I think that’s remembering the pain, not the person. When I think of the person Mr. Virgo is/was to me, I am filled with warm and loving memories of a handsome man who carried my heart on a velvet pillow. Moving forward in life is not abdicating your love for your person. It is learning how to carry them gently in your heart without collapsing.
\n\n\nThere was that tipping point where I was neither here, nor there. I was no longer married...I was widowed. Yet, he was my husband...dead or alive. Now I know...I can have both. I can have a living, breathing husband to share my life and love with AND I can have my late husband who will always and forever hold a piece of my heart because I know the very source of the love that I feel comes from God and that will never, ever change. This is how it has worked for me.
\n\n\nI am here.
\n\n\n?
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2021-03-26T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/03/26/neither-here-nor-there.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Healing"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/03/24/when-thoughts-and-prayers-are.html", "title": "When “Thoughts and Prayers” are Not Enough", "content_html": "\n“You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you. Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord God is an everlasting rock.”
\nIsaiah 26:3-4 ESV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/01d90f3d6b.jpg\")
I don’t want to make this a political issue. I want to make it a human issue. I don’t want the government to come take all the guns and destroy them. I don’t know how they could possibly do that, anyway. There’s way too many of them. But there is one thing that is perfectly clear to me.
\n\n\nWe have to do something.
\n\n\nThe King Soopers shooter was born three days before the Columbine shooting. Twenty-one years ago. How many have there been since then? Yeah...I know. A lot less than car accidents and heart attacks and cancer and Covid. I get that. But, this is supposed to be a civilized society.
\n\n\nAfter living in Colorado for forty years, and as a mother and grandmother and sister and friend of Colorado residents...my heart was in my throat when I heard “King Soopers Shooter” and “Colorado” in the same sentence. Where are my kids? My grandchildren? My friends? When they said the shooting was in Boulder, I had one second of relief. Then I was drawn back to the thought of all this unimaginable loss. My heart squeezed tight thinking of the shoppers that witnessed the shooting. The family members with the knock on the door.
\n\n\nThe inevitable “I’m so sorry”.
\n\n\nThen I got angry. I felt like he’d messed with MY people...MY state...MY home. I wanted to scream....
\n\n\n“Stop it! Just STOP!!!”
\n\n\nWe have to DO something.
\n\n\nBut what? Sensible gun control? Register ammunition? Draw and quarter mass shooters in the village square? It appears from early statements there may be mental illness at play in this case...although, how can you say anyone who commits such an atrocity is sane? At the very least...make it more difficult to get a lethal weapon. Hell, I had to sign a contract with my doctor to have regular appointments to monitor my use of anxiety medication. But, I could go out tomorrow and buy an AR-15???
\n\n\nHow long can we sit in our comfortable homes with our families around us and “send our thoughts and prayers” for these innocent victims and their families? It seems such empty rhetoric. The easy way out.
\n\n\nThe families of every victim of gun violence need so much more than our thoughts and prayers.
\n\n\nWhen is enough going to really BE enough?
\n\n\nPlease....please...just make it STOP.
\n\n\nSending thoughts and prayers then moving on the next week isn’t cutting it anymore.
\n\n\nWE HAVE TO DO SOMETHING...NOW!!!
\n\n\n? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2021-03-24T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/03/24/when-thoughts-and-prayers-are.html", "tags": ["Colorado","Grief","Anger","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/03/13/day-a-room-with-a.html", "title": "Day 361: A Room With a View...and an Omission", "content_html": "\n“Then Jesus said to him, “Put your sword back into its place. For all who take the sword will perish by the sword.”
\nMatthew 26:52 ESV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/d5d2db2c09.jpg\")
We both slept pretty well the night of surgery so we awoke yesterday morning refreshed. I felt much stronger, but I had no voice. This often happens after being intubated. We managed to get up in time to catch the morning breakfast in the Starbucks in the hotel lobby. Hot oatmeal really soothed my throat. And I have to say...a cold brew coffee didn’t cause my stomach to revolt like it did before surgery so let’s hope I can drink coffee again! I love it so.
\n\n\nThere was no one in the dining area and we were quite a ways from the front lobby. We sat down at a table in the window and, with great trepidation...removed our masks to eat. It felt...weird. We didn’t have a hallelujah moment, because we understand science and we know we are in an area with lots of mutant virus and mask-shunning individuals. I must say, everywhere we’ve gone, people have worn masks. Until, Walmart. We’ll get to that.
\n\n\nWe didn’t dilly-dally around maskless. We finished eating and headed up to the room to pack for the move to the next hotel. I have to give kudos to the Courtyard Tampa Downtown for the first half of our stay. They work closely with the Norman Parathyroid Center in housing their patients before and after surgery and they couldn’t have been more accommodating. When I checked out, the front desk asked how my surgery went and was very sweet. Anything we needed when we were there, it was quickly brought to us. They were so professional and attentive and the rooms were impeccable.
\n\n\nOur trip to the new hotel was about 45 minutes. The weather in Florida right now is absolutely amazing! Just hot enough to warm your bones but not so much as to fry your brains. The app for the hotel has an interesting new covid creation built in. You can check in through the app on your phone and when your room is ready, a digital key turns green. You just walk up to the door with your phone in your hand and click “unlock” and the door...unlocks! Same with your room. This is really handy to minimize your contact with people in a pandemic.
\n\n\nI love our room! We have a suite with a separate bedroom so I can take quiet naps and close the door when I write. No more trying to block out the sound of the television while I’m trying to concentrate. We have a small kitchen and the furniture in the living room is perfectly comfortable. We did our routine sanitation process upon arrival, but when I tried to put the fitted sheet back on the bed, it was one of those that doesn’t have a deep pocket. I knew if I had trouble even getting the sheet on, that we would be fighting to keep it on for the next five nights. We decided, since we needed to pick up some groceries, we would just buy a set of sheets that we know would fit. We can always use them on the bed at the condo so it’s not a waste.
\n\n\nNow, Walmart. This was the first place we went to down here that was an indication of how people really feel about mask wearing. Since we are in a hodgepodge of people from all over the country, we were well aware of our surroundings. Mr. FixIt started to say something to those who didn’t have on masks, but I gently reminded him where we are and that I really don’t want to get killed this close to having surgery. We wore double masks and just steered clear of the unmasked folks and got the heck out of there as fast as we could. We came home and put the groceries away and both stretched out for a much needed rest.
\n\n\nI can’t believe how wiped out you feel after surgery. They say the third day is the worst, and that’s what I’ve usually found to be true. We’ll wait till Monday to explore the beaches and let the weekend crowd thin out. Although, we are into spring break now, so who knows. We have a pool here, but I am not sure it’s outside. We’ll play it by ear. It’s nice to not have a distinct plan in place.
\n\n\nAnd now, for the omission. Yesterday marked eight years since Mr. Virgo died. I’ve been so busy with the trip arrangements and the surgery, that I hadn’t really given it a lot of thought. My dear friend Deneene texted me first thing yesterday morning to tell me she was thinking of me. My first thought was my surgery. Then she asked if it was Mr. Virgo’s Angelversary. It’s not that I forgot. I certainly didn’t. I’ve thought of it a number of times in the last couple of weeks. As a matter of fact, when they offered me the 11th for my surgery, I thought it couldn’t be more fitting. A year since the start of the covid crisis. And eight years since Mr. Virgo’s death. Having this surgery is an offer of hope for a healthier, pain free life. Why not have it done during a time that would normally be remembered with solemn sadness? Why not bring an element of hope into the darkness. We have vaccines. We have healing. We have hope for a better tomorrow.
\n\n\nThis is what eight years of grief and healing have taught me.
\n\n\nLife is uncertain...and way too short.
\n\n\nIn the midst of the worst crisis of our lives, we still have a choice...and choices bring power.
\n\n\nTime softens the memories of acute grief. It gives us space from the horrific anguish.
\n\n\nYou never get over an epic loss...but, you do get through it. You learn to walk around that hole in your heart without falling in every time.
\n\n\nI’ve learned it’s ok to be happy again and to find a life again and to love again without forgetting the person you still love who isn’t here.
\n\n\nThere is room in a new marriage for the memories of those you love and have loved before, but it takes a strong man to marry a widow...a confident man who knows his place in your heart and isn’t threatened by ghosts.
\n\n\nI am so blessed to have found such a man in Mr. FixIt. He is my rock and my roll.
\n\n\n?
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2021-03-13T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/03/13/day-a-room-with-a.html", "tags": ["Grief","Love","Aging","Peaceful Moments","Memories","Marriage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/03/04/day-the-anniversareaction.html", "title": "Day 353: The “Anniversa-reaction”", "content_html": "\n“Most important of all, you must sincerely love each other, because love wipes away many sins.”
\n1 Peter 4:8 CEV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/e4713c1d0e.jpg\")
There’s a day in October that hits me in the gut. I don’t know the date, but I know when it’s coming, and I feel it when it arrives. When I was in 3rd or 4th grade, I was playing on the playground after lunch when a little girl came up to me and asked if my brother went to Sumner School. I said yes, and she went on to tell me she heard on the news that the little VW bus they used for transporting the kids had been in a terrible accident and someone was killed. I knew my brother was on that bus.
\n\n\nThe air went out of the world. I had a sudden rush of adrenalin surge through me and I didn’t know what to do. The next thing I remember, my dad came to get me early from school and told me about the accident. He said mom was at the hospital with my brother and he was hurt, but he was going to be ok. One of the other kids was also hurt pretty badly, but the driver of the bus, Mrs Anderson, was killed in the accident. I was terrified. At that young age, I was already a survivor of child sexual abuse, and I had developed a “shepherd reaction”. I wanted all my people safely at home around me. I never liked having them out of my sight.
\n\n\nThe trigger for this anniversary reaction could come from anywhere. The way the light slants on a certain day. A particular smell. Strains of music that was playing at the time the trauma occurred. It could be anything.
\n\n\nAnytime we experience trauma, we often feel a foreboding when the anniversary of that trauma is pending. I feel it in October. But I especially feel it in March. My ex-husband devastated me when he asked for a divorce on March 15th. Mr. Virgo died on March 12th. While I love that spring is coming, March is hard for me. And now, we are about to experience a collective anniversary reaction.
\n\n\nMarch 11, 2020 is the day the WHO declared we were in a global pandemic. And March 13th is the day the President declared we were in a state of emergency. Friday the 13th. The lockdown began. We all experience these types of events differently, so it goes without saying, the anniversaries will also elicit varying responses. There isn’t anyone in the world who was untouched or unfazed by the news of Covid.
\n\n\nIn some ways, we are light years from that dark day. But, there are many reasons to feel hopeful at this point. We couldn’t have imagined there would be a vaccine for at least two to three years, yet now we have three in less than twelve months. That’s phenomenal progress. We have knocked the numbers down a great deal. However, the REASON we have knocked the numbers down is better hygiene, wearing masks, keeping socially distant, and avoiding indoor crowds, so please...keep it up. It shows character and strength when you persevere through troubling times.
\n\n\nIf you find yourself feeling anxious and depressed this month, be gentle with yourself. We haven’t lived under this kind of threat since the Cuban missile crisis...and never this protracted. You aren’t alone. Find someone you trust to talk out your feelings surrounding the trauma of the last year. If you need to seek professional help, there is nothing wrong with that. We all need someone we can talk to about the tough stuff.
\n\n\n?
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2021-03-04T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/03/04/day-the-anniversareaction.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Fear","Memories"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/02/25/day-sunshine-is-good-medicine.html", "title": "Day 346: Sunshine is Good Medicine!", "content_html": "\n“Don't get tired of helping others. You will be rewarded when the time is right, if you don't give up.”
\nGalatians 6:9 CEV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/686c1e66cb.jpg\")
We had an important appointment yesterday...one we’ve been putting off for too long. Time to make our wills. Not everyone dies with a will, but in my experience, if you really love your spouse you make a will. I didn’t realize how stressful this simple exercise would be for me. When you talk about wills, you are really talking about death. And I didn’t adequately prepare myself for all the feels that would well up surrounding that.
\n\n\nFrankly, it made me upset. It didn’t occur to me that it would...but there it was. And when I get upset like that, it’s right in the pit of my stomach and makes me sick. It always has, so I don’t know why I’m surprised when it happened yet again. But there’s a level of shame in there....like, I should be stronger than this.
\n\n\nYesterday was warmer than it has been since last fall...clear up to 72! I was wandering around the house, preparing to go and willing myself to calm down and not let my nerves get the best of me. Mr. FixIt finally said, “What’s going on, honey? You ok?” He could tell...he knows me so well. I almost cried. I told him I was just freaking out a little and to give me some time.
\n\n\nI went back to the bedroom and sat on the edge of the bed and breathed slowly. I took something to settle my stomach. Then I had a brilliant idea...maybe we could have the appointment over the phone. I called the attorney’s office and they said that was absolutely doable...they would call me back in half an hour.
\n\n\nWhen they called, I was settled in my big red chair and Mr. FixIt in his. And in the comfort of our home, we loved each other through what was surprisingly difficult for me. I am so blessed I have a loving and supportive husband who really “gets” me. It didn’t matter one bit to him whether we had the appointment at home or in the attorney’s office or even if we rescheduled. His primary goal was my comfort doing something he knew upset me. I love him so much for all these little things.
\n\n\nThe sun was gorgeous and the air was warm with the early breath of spring. I sat out on the steps of the deck and turned my face to the sun and let its warmth creep into my bones. Mr. FixIt went out to change the oil in my truck, and I curled up under a blanket and took a nap. When I got up, all was right in the world again. I am so grateful I am past the age when I beat myself up for not being “perfect”. I am what and who I am and so is my husband. This is why we are such a good team...it may not have worked between us when we were young and dumb. This way, I think we got the best version of each other.
\n\n\n?
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2021-02-25T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/02/25/day-sunshine-is-good-medicine.html", "tags": ["Health","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Love","Kindness","Marriage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/02/21/day-waiting-for-spring.html", "title": "Day 342: Waiting for Spring", "content_html": "\n“I can do all things through him who strengthens me.”
\nPhilippians 4:13 ESV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/bfdf4dafbb.jpg\")
I know it’s probably a little early to be wistful about springtime in West Virginia, but it’s really not all that far off. By Wednesday, we are expecting the temperature to climb into the mid 50’s and it will feel glorious after the cold and snow we’ve been experiencing. Those first few days of promising warmth and sunshine stir my adventurous spirit and sends me into fantasies of long road trips and camping in the woods by a stream.
\n\n\nYesterday, while still quite cold, was a stellar sunshiny day here in West Virginia. I stood at the big picture window in the family room and gazed out at the light filtering down between the empty branches on the hillside across the road...the snow a glittering stretch of diamonds before me. The cardinals and blue jays, wrens and chickadees, starlings and sparrows all danced from the forsythia hedge to the myriad feeders we have hung about.
\n\n\nIf you look out there in the yard, there is a small tree. Mr. FixIt bought me a pink flowering dogwood tree when I first joined him here on the Ponderosa. He placed it there so that I could see it from my chair in the family room. Every time I look out at it, I am reminded of what a sweet and caring husband I have. And how grateful I am that he is still here with me. He had his first stroke a year ago today, and I have to tell you...there’s a little remnant of trauma sitting in my heart.
\n\n\nThat’s what happens when you have had PTSD. Anniversaries, sounds, smells, the way the light shines...anything can trigger the memories of the traumatic event. And any loss, be it death, divorce, loss of a job or a pet or your financial security, or the sudden illness of your spouse can trigger a grief response. He’s doing so well, but I will still tiptoe on eggshells for a little bit before I breathe easier again. I know in my heart God has this. But this is a physiological response, not an emotional or intellectual one.
\n\n\nWhen I awoke yesterday morning, Mr. FixIt was quietly reading the morning news beside me. I turned to him and said, “Listen...did you hear that?” We neither one could figure out what it was. It sounded all the world like a little kitten, but it turned out to be the starlings in the flowering quince outside the bedroom window. I believe it was the quiet bill and coo of early courtship they were practicing out there, and I must say...I was greatly relieved someone hadn’t dropped off another kitten here at Chez Marshmallow.
\n\n\nWe are so blessed in this season of life. Soon, we will have our second shot and we’ll be able to breathe a little easier. Still being careful, of course...but we are certainly heading in the right direction. And when the sun shines, it’s an extra happy day. I hope you can count your blessings every day, because we do indeed have so much to be grateful for.
\n\n\n?
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2021-02-21T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/02/21/day-waiting-for-spring.html", "tags": ["Grief","Positive Energy","Gratitude"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/02/14/day-when-time-crawlsor-is.html", "title": "Day 335: When Time Crawls...or Is It Valentine’s Day Already???", "content_html": "\n“Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good, for his steadfast love endures forever.”
\nPsalm 136:1 ESV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/fbead828a2.jpg\")
February is the longest month....EV-ER!!!! I swear...we’re only in the middle of it and it’s been six months long already. I don’t feel like I’ve accomplished much. But I’ve been working on my genealogy, knitting a little, keeping up with friends and family. Big had her second swim meet of the year and I got to see that remotely. Daughter #2 called with a video chat. Mundane stuff...a little boring, a lot repetitive.
\n\n\nToday is Valentine’s Day. Normally, Mr. FixIt would have walked in with a bouquet of flowers and a card. But, between covid and snowy roads, he hasn’t been anywhere that sells them. He did bring me a pumpkins roll, so I’m counting that. Our trip to the beach will have to be our Valentine to each other this year.
\n\n\nI’m thinking of my friends who are new widows this Valentine’s Day. I opened Facebook yesterday and the roses and little heart shaped cake Mr. Virgo surprised me with nine years ago was my first “Memory” that popped up. Those things used to kill me. Interestingly, as I was working on my genealogy this week, a little green leaf popped up on Mr. Virgo’s listing. That’s unusual because I don’t know of anyone on his side that’s working him up. I clicked on the little leaf.
\n\n\nI was stunned. There was his high school graduation picture. I only knew him with a head full of silver hair. Here was this handsome young man in a white dinner jacket...his hair neatly combed in the style he always wore. I could see the same fastidious grooming he always had. I had never seen him at that age and I couldn’t take my eyes away. It’s like I found some buried treasure that was so valuable, I just wanted to look at it for a little while before I put it safely in a drawer.
\n\n\nHere’s a piece I wrote on the first Valentine’s Day after Mr. Virgo died where I talk about the scar tissue grief leaves. I didn’t even mention the significance of the day, which tells me I was trying hard not to think about the significance. It’s amazing how time changes your perspectives. In the midst of it, I never would have dreamed I could breathe again or not feel the constant gut-wrenching pain of his loss.
\n\n\nMy dear friend and long time reader, Jackie, reminded me of something. I wrote this before God nudged me to write about Him in my posts. Of course, it is God who stitches us together. Any time I try to take the needle, I botch things up!
\n\n\nI am grateful...that I had Mr. Virgo...I’m grateful that God stitched me back together...and that I have another beautiful life with my wonderful Mr. FixIt.
\n\n\n?
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2021-02-14T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/02/14/day-when-time-crawlsor-is.html", "tags": ["Grief","Love","Holiday","Choices","Healing"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/02/13/day-throwing-out-a-lifeline.html", "title": "Day 334: Throwing Out a Lifeline", "content_html": "\n“Therefore do not let anyone judge you by what you eat or drink, or with regard to a religious festival, a New Moon celebration or a Sabbath day.”
\nColossians 2:16 NIV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/94637bebdb.jpg\")
Sometimes we lose our moorings. We become untethered and bound about, endlessly bouncing from one disaster to the next...wondering if life will every slow down. Just a little. Just enough to catch our breath. We bob and weave like a buoy....broken away and tossed on the waves...no way to be saved. Or to save others.
\n\n\nI’ve been cut loose like that from time to time. And, in the depths of my loss, something happens that reels me back in and makes me feel calmer, more anchored. I know it’s often my own prayers that bring me back to God...to my source of peace and comfort. But, it occurred to me last night as I was meditating on this topic...sometimes it’s the prayers of others that bring us back.
\n\n\nAs I scanned the last week, there have been so many opportunities for me to pray. Some for myself, for sure. But many, many opportunities to pray for others. The other night, a sweet friend from my little town in Colorado texted to tell me we had lost a very dear man...a friend to all. A quiet man with a fierce love for life. A talented actor. An adventurer. A sweet spirit.
\n\n\nI last chatted with him a week or so ago. He had survived his second bout of cancer and the scans were clear, he said. He had to come home from Asia where he’s lived for several years so he could get his cancer treatments. He had to leave his love there, because it’s very difficult to get a visa. They’ve worked at it for the better part of three years, and finally it was granted. She was packed and on her way to join him. He was to pick her up at the airport today. Instead, they had to contact her at the airport to tell her...he had died in his sleep the night before.
\n\n\nOf all the sadness and anger and ugly things that have happened in the last year...that broke me. I know sudden loss. I understand the gut punch a snatch death brings. But, to finally be on her way, then.... I’m heartbroken for her...and I have never met her. So, I pray for her and I hold her in my heart. And I throw her a line.
\n\n\nMy friend Kate has been widowed not quite four months. She is still learning to navigate this with teenaged twins. Hers was also a snatch death...a heart attack...just exactly like Mr. Virgo. She’s going through the same things I did....the anger, the fear, the guilt. And, just when she landed a dream job, a horrific ice storm is felling trees and branches all over her acreage. So far, it hasn’t damaged her house too much, but there’s four more days to go through this storm. So, I pray for her and I hold her in my heart. And I throw her a line.
\n\n\nMy friend Janine has a niece who just had her first baby...right in the middle of a debilitating brain bleed and resulting surgery and things are scary...sort of touch and go. The family is beside themselves and praying harder than they ever have. So, I pray for her and I hold her in my heart. And I throw her a line.
\n\n\nGod gives me an endless supply of lifelines to throw out to people in the form of prayer. When I throw that line out to someone, it sticks to them...whether they know it or not...whether they feel it or not. Then God picks up the other end of the line and takes it from there.
\n\n\nJust as I sat down to write this, a Silver Alert came across my phone. I looked down at the face of the middle aged man and I recognized in him a developmental disability...much like my own brother, and my sweet Uncle Bob who is gone with Jesus now. This man is lost somewhere and it is frightfully cold. He doesn’t have a warm winter coat on...only a hooded sweatshirt. This breaks me even more. There...but for the Grace of God. That could have been my brother. I am overcome with gratitude that he has always been loved and cared for and the people with whom we have entrusted his care are so good to him.
\n\n\nSo...I pray for them all...I hold them in my heart. Then I throw them a line.
\n\n\n?
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2021-02-13T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/02/13/day-throwing-out-a-lifeline.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Positive Energy","Gratitude","Grace","Healing"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/02/05/day-feeling-a-little-frayed.html", "title": "Day 326: Feeling a Little Frayed, Are We?", "content_html": "\n“Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.”
\nJames 5:16 NIV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/ec67f2d8b2.jpg\")
I chat every night with one of the dearest people in my life. Sue always has a supportive word, a kind thought, a golden nugget of wisdom to share with me. I didn’t grow up with a sister. One of my lifelong friends is my baby sister. Sue is the older sister I didn’t get to have and I love her dearly. I’ve been sharing with her of late....a bone weariness of the things that have been thrown at us for far too long.
\n\n\nI’ve gone through the grief of losing a spouse. I’ve gone through severe clinical depression and near death. I’ve gone through huge life changes that were cringeworthy in their own right. Now, I’m in a boat with a whole bunch of people...and we’re kinda hanging by a thread. Oh, we’re ok. We’re gonna make it through. We’re old enough and experienced enough to know...this too shall pass. But, man.....that constant surge of adrenalin and cortisol is getting pretty old.
\n\n\nEveryone handles stress in their own way. We all have different coping mechanisms. Some of us have more tools in our toolbox, simply because we’ve been through therapy to get us through crises. And, some of us have been blessed to have had a relatively easy life without huge upheaval. Getting out for a drive in the sunshine the other day was wonderful. Connecting with supportive friends is helpful. Having someone with me to share the day to day is a true blessing and it’s not lost on me how different things could have been if this would have happened say...six or seven years ago.
\n\n\nI have dear friends who are actively grieving tragic losses. To have to do that and cope with pandemic burnout seems unusually cruel and inhumane. One thing that has been giving me rays of hope is watching the “Christmas Covid Crush” begin to subside and the number of vaccinations going up. Slowly...ever so slowly. Nothing ever happens as fast as we would like it to, does it?
\n\n\nI find when I am at the end of my rope, there is decidedly less of the “ME” I need to get me through whatever I am facing. And I’ve faced enough crises to know...when there’s less “ME”, there’d better be more GOD because the alternative is a big black hole of despair. Oh, wouldn’t it be nice if God plucked us off the end there and set us down gently into a field of clover...by a nice stream, perhaps? But....noooooo...God ties a knot in that rope and helps me to hang on. He has the power to “fix things” for me. But, if He did that...what would I need HIM for? What would I learn from the experience?
\n\n\nSue sends me articles from time to time. I found this one about “Hitting the Pandemic Wall” to be helpful so I thought I would share it with you today. There are some good ideas and links that you may use. But, I also thought I would ask you some questions.
\n\n\nWhat are you doing in your daily life to keep from feeling overwhelmed? Have any past experiences helped give you skills you can use during this crisis? I know it can’t just be me that’s feeling a little...strained.
\n\n\nIn other words....really...
\n\n\nHow are YOU doing?
\n\n\n?
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2021-02-05T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/02/05/day-feeling-a-little-frayed.html", "tags": ["Health","Grief","Hope","Grace","God","Fear","Courage","Insight"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/01/13/day-out-of-thin-air.html", "title": "Day 303: Out of Thin Air", "content_html": "\n““You’re blessed when you’re at the end of your rope. With less of you there is more of God and his rule.”
\nMatthew 5:3 MSG\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/fd82821fe8.jpg\")
After Mr. Virgo died, I had several instances that could only be explained as supernatural. The first occurred just three days after he died. I was walking out of the bedroom to go get coffee with my daughters when I “felt” his hands on my shoulders and “heard” him say “Shut the d*** window!” He was a stickler for security. The next incident was when I was in Denver visiting the kids and my security alarm at the house kept going off...on the inside motion alarm. I could see on the camera there was no one there, but it went off multiple times and the police would come out to check. Finally, I stood in the living room and told Mr. Virgo out loud...”You need to stop messing with the alarm now. It’s involving other people and scaring me!” It never went off again. The most remarkable was when I was in my therapist’s office and the music started playing.
\n\n\n\n\n\nThe other day, I saw something remarkable posted by a longtime friend. They lost their son a couple of years ago in a tragic accident. The other day, she was sitting in her chair when her phone chimed. She looked down and it said her husband was sending her a photo via Air Drop from his phone. Now, her husband was not only NOT holding his phone...it was in the charger. But, more importantly, he had no idea how to Air Drop a photo. She accepted the download request, and it was a picture of the signature page of a bible her son had been given as a teenager. There was her son’s own handwriting in a photo her husband didn’t even know was on his phone.
\n\n\nThese are remarkable events. Some will say coincidences, but to those who receive such a precious gift...we know this is a gift from God. A way to show us He cares about our pain and loss. At least, that’s the way I believe. We all need to hear good news, uplifting stories, messages of hope. No matter how hard things get, we can always find something good to lift us up.
\n\n\nI hope you find something today that lifts your spirit.
\n\n\n?
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2021-01-13T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/01/13/day-out-of-thin-air.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Gratitude","God"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/01/13/day-in-a-frenzy.html", "title": "Day 304: In a Frenzy", "content_html": "\n“What can we say about all this? If God is on our side, can anyone be against us? God did not keep back his own Son, but he gave him for us. If God did this, won't he freely give us everything else?”
\nRomans 8:31-32 CEV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/a3745c4597.jpg\")
I’ve been transcribing my posts from Facebook over to my website for what seems like a decade now. Actually, I started copying them over in January 2017...not that long ago really. My son-in-law and I sat for a full day in December of 2016 and created this website. Since then, every time I write a post, there’s been a link from Facebook to the website and that’s where the bulk of my writing sits. Yesterday, I crossed into March 2016 so I only have about eight months of blog posts left to copy.
\n\n\nThere are some really good reasons I’m pushing this. With the social climate being what it is today, I want to protect my writing in case anything happens to FB. I’ve put my heart and soul into my words and it would be heartbreaking to lose a big chunk of it. And no, I don’t have it backed up other than the backup you do on FB. And that isn’t easily accessed. And, I have other projects I want to do but I’m committed to finishing this one first.
\n\n\nAs I sit and copy/paste, I scan my posts for grammatical errors and content. Any time I go back and reread my earlier writings, I am humbled that I have come this far, that I have the life I have today, and that my heart has experienced so much healing. It’s also interesting to see myself navigating what used to be time-bombs that tore me to shreds. I suppose that is the nature of healing. You know the hole is still there...you just know how to navigate around it and keep from falling in.
\n\n\nThat doesn’t mean revisiting is without effect. It kinda wears me out. I’ve taken more naps since I started the big push to transcribe my past. I think my mind and body just need a break from it...not every day, but certainly more often than usual. Add to that, sitting in one place for hours and Mr. FixIt having the TV on and I’m at the point where I want this done already. I have it down to a science now, though and I can get through a whole month in 2-3 days. If I keep up this pace, I could be finished in three weeks or so. That would be a great relief.
\n\n\nI think I’ll feel a great deal of personal satisfaction when I get the whole thing done. Maybe there will be some way of calculating how many words I have written all together. Boy, that would be something. Those of you who’ve been following me from the beginning know...I’m a talker. I’ve been writing this blog for eight years now. I started it the first week of January 2013. Every year, I ask myself if I’m done. Am I still contributing anything? I know I’ve had people say they weren’t going to follow me anymore because I seem to have lost my focus. Well, I’ll be the first to admit...my focus was on grief and death and healing from it all. When the healing started, there came the inevitable shift in my writing.
\n\n\nI think what I do now is a testament to the resiliency of a broken heart. A demonstration that, no matter what comes your way, you can find strength and comfort with God at your center. A creative outlet for my myriad stories and insights and rants. Like letters from Mom. Or a nice cup of tea on a rainy afternoon...a cozy blanket and a few nice words. I like to think our time over coffee in the mornings is still of some service to you, and I’ll continue as long as God brings me words to say...and folks to read them.
\n\n\n?
\n\n\n\n\n\n\n“Our Lord, we belong to you. We tell you what worries us, and you won't let us fall.”
\nPsalms 55:22 CEV\n
#Resilience, #Faith, #Grief, #Life
\n\n", "date_published": "2021-01-13T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/01/13/day-in-a-frenzy.html", "tags": ["Grief","Gratitude","Comfort","Writing"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/01/12/day-the-birds-of-the.html", "title": "Day 302: The Birds of the Air", "content_html": "\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/9622a30c63.jpg\")
It’s been a long time since we had a really deep down, heart-to-heart chat. It’s been a long time since I needed to process some really difficult things and deal with the resultant side effects. I’m NOT going to dive into politics here...and I don’t want to stir up a political maelstrom. If that starts up, I’ll just delete the unhelpful comments. This isn’t about politics. This is about pain.
\n\n\nI have PTSD. It’s one of those awful things you sometimes get when you face a particularly painful trauma, and I got it from watching Mr. Virgo have his heart attack and the ensuing resuscitation. It went on for what seemed like hours. I was left with flashbacks and debilitating anxiety. EMDR went a long way toward easing that pain. And, it’s been a long time since I’ve experienced the effects.
\n\n\nAfter the events of last week at our Nation’s Capitol, I was surprised I wasn’t feeling worse than I was. I seemed to be handling things pretty well and went on about my business. I now realize what I had done was to compartmentalize my feelings. I kinda packed them up in a neat and tidy box labeled “Bad Things” and pushed it aside. That doesn’t mean I didn’t FEEL things. I just dampened them down and moved them aside.
\n\n\nOver the weekend I started getting a splitting headache and my body hurt everywhere. I was afraid I was getting sick, but this felt more familiar. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it. I had an experience a few years ago where I came into close contact with someone I believe to be dabbling in dark things. My relationship with God has been so strong since Mr. Virgo died, that I seem to have this radar that goes off when I’m around darkness. I not only feel that crawly sensation on my skin, but I literally get sick to my stomach. I believe that is a spiritual attack and I am very careful to stay away from such things.
\n\n\nA Facebook “friend” writes posts from time to time about church and on the surface, it’s very upbeat. On closer inspection, there seems to be something off. A little too “Stepford Wife” or something. Yesterday, there was a post with a rather surprising photo that maybe could have been read a couple of different ways. I went in to read the comments for an indication as to which direction this was leading. Someone posted a comment with a video. I had seen this video the day before with a comment saying someone from West Virginia had posted it.
\n\n\nI totally expected to open the video and hear something Biblical and I can guarantee you....it was NOT. It was vile and I won’t go into further detail and I certainly won’t share it here. I had that immediate creepy crawly dark sensation on my skin and ran to the bathroom to throw up. I was sick for over two hours. I climbed in bed and read my bible for a while. That always comforts me and reminds me, God always wins in the end.
\n\n\nI felt much better afterwards. The headache is all but gone, as is the creepy crawly feeling. The enemy vanquished back. The verse I read was Luke 12:22-26...where we are told God takes care of the birds and we are so much more important than any birds. When I sat down to write my post last night, the first thing I saw on Facebook was this picture of my cousin Mike, cradling a female cardinal in his hands. It had managed to get into their screened porch, so he gently picked it up to take it outside. We call him “The Bird Whisperer”. I loved this little God wink...a cardinal coming to remind me how important we are to God and we have no need to worry if we remain close to his side.
\n\n\nThese are dark and trying times. I’ve been carefully winnowing my friends list on Facebook again. Not to weed out those whose political beliefs don’t mesh with mine. I welcome respectful repartee. But I don’t respect violence in any “way, shape, form or fashion”, as Governor Justice says.
\n\n\nToday is a brand new day and no matter what comes my way, I know...I can do all things with Christ who strengthens me.
\n\n\n???
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2021-01-12T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/01/12/day-the-birds-of-the.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Hope","God","Wisdom","Fear","Courage","Insight"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/01/03/day-covidthe-new-widowmaker.html", "title": "Day 293: Covid...the New “Widowmaker”", "content_html": "\n“Jesus said to his disciples: I tell you not to worry about your life! Don't worry about having something to eat or wear. Life is more than food or clothing. Look at the crows! They don't plant or harvest, and they don't have storehouses or barns. But God takes care of them. You are much more important than any birds. Can worry make you live longer? If you don't have power over small things, why worry about everything else?”
\nLuke 12:22-26 CEV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/42e3e09550.jpg\")
When Mr. Virgo had his heart attack, we were standing in a camper deciding which one we wanted to take us into retirement. A little less than four hours later, he was gone. The cardiologist came in to sit with me and explain what a “widowmaker” was. It’s the kind of heart attack caused by a sudden 100% blockage of the left anterior descending artery in the heart. You seldom survive that, especially if other arteries are also blocked, or partially blocked. It’s a snatch death...unexpected, sudden, unimaginable.
\n\n\nThere’s a large group of new widows in the last year. Women who would more than likely still have their husbands if it weren’t for Covid-19. Men are disproportionately susceptible to dying from Covid, so there are more widows than widowers. Yet, besides Covid, they have another thing in common. Most of them had to live with the fact their loved one died with strangers. This add a whole new dimension to the “snatch death” that I didn’t have to deal with.
\n\n\nI also wasn’t left with little ones at home to try to raise with bills to pay and a house to manage and perhaps a questionable income. These women, and men, are charting new territory in grief and my heart breaks for them. It’s not just spouses touched by these devastating losses. Other family members and dear friends are left struggling...trying to make sense of a senseless situation. Trying to find, and give, love and support.
\n\n\nWhen I lost Mr. Virgo and was actively grieving and needed hugs, I could go visit friends or go to the mall in our small town or the local grocery store. I could just about count on running into multiple people who offered me hugs and support and cups of coffee. In the age of Covid, it’s harder to find that kind of support.
\n\n\nI read a story this week about grief and Covid. These new widows and widowers are doing what I did...they’re reaching out online for support and caring with others going through the same thing. I’m so grateful for all the grief peeps I met along the way, and for all of you who came along to help me though. I know they will find their grief peeps, too.
\n\n\nI pray you never have to walk this path and find your way alone. But if, God forbid you do or someone you know does, you can find some resources here:
\n\n\nNew York Times: ‘The Other Half of My Soul’: Widows of Covid-19 Bond Over Sudden Loss
\n\n\nNBC News: A club nobody 'wanted to join': How Covid widows are finding support through Facebook
\n\n\nFacebook: Young Widows and Widowers of Covid-19
\n\n\n?
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2021-01-03T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/01/03/day-covidthe-new-widowmaker.html", "tags": ["Grief","Strong Women","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/12/06/day-remembering-the-firsts.html", "title": "Day 267: Remembering the “Firsts”", "content_html": "\n“So our bodies return to the earth, and the life-giving breath returns to God. Nothing makes sense. I have seen it all— nothing makes sense.”
\nEcclesiastes 12:7-8 CEV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/fa8652ced3.jpg\")
I know many who are approaching this as their first Christmas without their loved one. Those “firsts”...and sometimes the “seconds” are really tough. Watching everyone happy when you feel such pain and longing inside is so hard to take. It stirs so many emotions in you. By the time I reached the first Christmas without Mr. Virgo, he had been gone over nine months. While I still suffered agonizing sadness, I was also experiencing an emotion that shocked me.
\n\n\nAnger.
\n\n\nI was SO bloody angry at...everyone! God, for taking him. Happy people, for having the nerve to be happy. Myself, for not insisting he have those tests the doctor wanted to have done just months before he died. But, on one particular night, it was Mr. Virgo I was the most angry with. He had one heck of a lot of nerve leaving me with this mess to take care of!
\n\n\nIt snowed all that day. I worked nearly an hour away from home. By the time I got home, there was at least a foot of snow in the driveway. I couldn’t get in the garage, so I stopped down by the street, went in and got the snow shovel that now only had MY name on it, and...after having worked a ten hour day...I set to shoveling. I got two tracks in...enough to pull the SUV up off the street. And I shoveled a path to the front porch.
\n\n\nI was crying by the time I was finished. It was so bitter cold. I was wet. And sad. And totally ****** off. I stripped off my wet hat, gloves, coat, and boots and left them on the tile floor in the foyer. Then I headed for the bedroom to run a hot bath. As I passed Mr. Virgo’s highboy, I caught a glimpse of his picture from our wedding. I was immediately overcome with this intense rage and it shocked me.
\n\n\nI pounded on the surface of his dresser, yelling at him through my tears. It was fierce. And immensely cathartic. I had felt stabs of anger over the previous months, but I stuffed it down. How could I possibly be angry with him for leaving me? He didn’t MEAN to. He didn’t do it on purpose. It’s just not right to be mad at someone for dying...is it?
\n\n\nI found out that cold December night that it is not only alright...it’s healthy. Grief covers every facet of emotions and not one of them is wrong. We grieve just like we live and love...with deep emotion.
\n\n\nThese photos showed up in my Facebook Memories yesterday. They reminded me of that dark night. But they reminded me of something else, too. These pictures were taken the following morning. After that hot bath the night before, I cried myself to sleep and awoke in the fog that comes after such emotional upheaval. I heard something, but couldn’t quite tell where it was coming from. I got up and drew my fluffy white robe tight around me and padded into the living room.
\n\n\nThe noise was louder out there. I went to the door, and there was the most miraculous sight. The “Snowblower Fairy” showed up! I couldn’t tell who it was with all that bundling up, but whoever it was, I was eternally grateful. I slipped on my boots and went out on the porch and waved. He stopped, pulled down his face covering, and I saw the broad smile of my neighbor, Ben. What a delightful surprise! There was a full 18” of snow out there and he cleared out the entire driveway and the long front sidewalk.
\n\n\nI was off that day, so I baked them something. I don’t remember now what it was, but it was still warm from the oven when I took it to them. There’s nothing more wonderful than a good neighbor that watches out for you. As a new widow, I was blessed with many such gifts and I’ve never forgotten to pay those kindnesses forward. If you are hurting this holiday season, I hope you have someone who pays you some kindness. I pray that you do.
\n\n\n?
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2020-12-06T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/12/06/day-remembering-the-firsts.html", "tags": ["Grief","Gratitude","Humbled","Kindness"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/12/05/day-another-sad-goodbye.html", "title": "Day 266: Another Sad Goodbye", "content_html": "\n“For the entire law is fulfilled in keeping this one command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.””
\nGalatians 5:14 NIV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/95eedb3f0c.jpg\")
When Daughter #1 married in the summer of 1995, I had no idea what an integral part her new family would play in my life. Just five years after we met, these lovely people helped me through a very painful divorce and lifted me up from the fall. Then, years later when Mr. Virgo passed, they took me into their home and loved on me till I could stand up again. They nursed me when I was sick. They welcomed me with my campers and played host to countless “camping trips” in their driveway. They love my daughter the way I love their son. We are as close to being related as we can be without actually sharing DNA.
\n\n\nWe have always said, Sue & Ben live at the epicenter of the universe. Way early on, I felt a twinge of jealousy about that because I wanted MY house to be the center. It wasn’t long till I understood why theirs was and I’ve spent many a long, leisurely breakfast at their table...discussing the topics of the day. You always learn something sitting there over coffee. Ben underlines particularly interesting points from the articles in the morning paper and enjoys the intellectual discussions that ensue when he shares them.
\n\n\nWhen Sue was diagnosed with breast cancer last year, I asked what I could do from here to help her.
\n\n\n“Just chat with me every night. Tell me funny stories. I love your stories...they give me something to think about.”
\n\n\nWe have been chatting every single night since and I have to say, that has been one of the deepest experiences I’ve ever had. To watch her strength, courage, and determination has been admirable.
\n\n\nOne of the bonus features of my close relationship with Ben & Sue has been Grandma Lois. Born in the northeast corner of Colorado, Grandma was raised to be a strong woman, a hard worker, and she could do anything she set her mind to. I could go through the details of her accomplishments listed in her beautiful obituary, but I’d rather relate what she meant to me personally.
\n\n\nFor many years, I only got to see Grandma Lois when she came to Denver to see the kids. But, finally she got to the age where she needed to live closer where someone could be there should she need a little extra support. She bought a small house around the corner from Ben & Sue. That’s when I got to spend more time with her. You never went to her house without being treated to a fresh batch of cookies and a cup of coffee. I often walked over to see her when I was visiting Colorado.
\n\n\nGrandma Lois was widowed in 1996. She was so supportive of me when Mr. Virgo died. We had long talks and she shared her love freely, helping me through a difficult time with tender understanding while, still being the strong farm woman, kicking me in the butt when I needed it. Mr. FixIt and I went to her 90th Birthday Party last summer. She loved him and thought I’d found a real gem. Whenever we spoke on the phone, she asked about him. The other day, we were watching TV when my phone rang. I looked down and said, “It’s Grandma Lois!” Mr. FixIt lit up. This was an unexpected treat!
\n\n\n“Hello, Lois! How are you???” I smiled into the camera.
\n\n\n“Oh! It’s YOU!” she said with surprise. “I never know who I’m going to get with this thing. I just punch the buttons and hope for the best!” Grandma said with a deprecating laugh.
\n\n\nWe spoke for a good half hour, sharing stories about the kids. She wanted to know all about our garden and the canning and what we had been up to. I hated for the conversation to end. You know, in the way you hate them to end because you don’t know when...or IF...you’ll get the chance for another one. We always ended our conversations with professions of love for one another, which is the way it should be when you love someone.
\n\n\nAs it turns out, that was the last conversation I got to have with Grandma Lois. She recently came down with bilateral non-Covid pneumonia at the nursing home where she’s lived the last year. She passed in her sleep on December 1st at 5:00am. She was 91.
\n\n\n“Little”, my younger granddaughter said this about her great grandmother. “Most people get to the Pearly Gates, knock on the door, and they’re let in. Not Grandma Lois! She rings the doorbell and runs!” I do believe she is right. But this time, Grandma was either too tired to run or she slipped on the step and fell.
\n\n\nI will always be grateful to have known her and loved her...and to have been loved right back. We truly were family...and friends. I am so grateful to Sue for sharing her mom with me. She knew how much I missed my own mom. Grandma Lois gave us all many gifts...not the least was modeling her deep strength and solid faith to the rest of us. I will miss you greatly, dear one...and I have comfort knowing you no longer suffer. I’ll see you on the other side.
\n\n\n?
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2020-12-05T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/12/05/day-another-sad-goodbye.html", "tags": ["Family","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Love","Widow","Memories"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/11/12/day-saying-goodbye.html", "title": "Day 243: Saying “Goodbye”", "content_html": "\n“You will be afraid to climb up a hill or walk down a road. Your hair will turn as white as almond blossoms. You will feel lifeless and drag along like an old grasshopper. We each go to our eternal home, and the streets here are filled with those who mourn. The silver cord snaps, the golden bowl breaks; the water pitcher is smashed, and the pulley at the well is shattered. So our bodies return to the earth, and the life-giving breath returns to God.”
\nEcclesiastes 12:5-7 CEV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/dd050e7718.jpg\")
No, no...not me. I’m not going anywhere, don’t worry. Last night, Mr. FixIt and I watched the Veteran’s Day tribute to the final episode of MASH. Oh...I really loved that show. The first episode aired on September 17, 1972. I was in my second year of radiology training. But, I don’t really remember watching it until the late 1970’s, probably because I spent the middle of that decade in England.
\n\n\nHubby #2 was in medical school and we were dirt poor. We couldn’t afford to heat the house so as soon as it was dark out, we’d all pile up in our bed under a gazillion covers to stay warm. MASH was one of our favorite shows. When we finally were finished with medical training, we moved to the mountains. MASH was syndicated by then and there were reruns every night. It was our habit to watch the 11:00 news, then an episode of MASH before we went to sleep.
\n\n\nWhen that fateful day came when it wasn’t on after the news anymore, it felt like the whole world was different. In the final episode, BJ has been having a really hard time saying the word “goodbye”. As Hawkeye lifts off in the helicopter, he looks down and sees that BJ arranged the white rocks from around the camp into the word GOODBYE...and the familiar strains of the theme song came in as the chopper flies off into the sunset.
\n\n\nGoodbyes are not easy. Sometimes we get the opportunity to say goodbye...sometimes we don’t. Real life isn’t like a well loved if not slightly predictable television program. As I sat down to write this, I opened my iPad like I do every night. My browser was open and there was a story about Alex Trebek’s final day. Alex was particularly fond of a swing he had on his property. He spent his last day, sitting in that swing with his wife, staring at the horizon. I don’t know what his view was, but I think the fact that he was at peace with what he undoubtedly knew was coming made it all the more beautiful.
\n\n\nI read that his only regret was he didn’t get to spend as many years with his beloved wife as he would have liked. I think of her now...newly bereaved...sitting out in that swing alone. She still feels him with her, I’m sure. What a beautiful last day he had. Holding his wife’s hand, rocking in the swing. Perhaps they spoke. Perhaps they had long stretches of companionable silence. No one knows but her...as it should be.
\n\n\nGoodbyes are our last moments of intimacy with people. I was bent over Mr. Virgo as he lay on the floor of that camper in Colorado. I knelt down beside him and held his hand to my chest. On some level, I’m sure I knew I was saying goodbye, but I was doing my darnedest to will him to stay with me. Just in case, I leaned in close to his ear and whispered, “I love you.” He whispered back, “I love you, too.” I know so many don’t get that goodbye...that closure...and that breaks my heart.
\n\n\nI have a cousin I dearly love. We’ve been FB friends for quite some time. He and his wife were so wonderful and helped me adjust when I first moved back to West Virginia. I am not sure what happened, but we are no longer connected on FB. I don’t know if he saw my political posts and didn’t like them. I don’t know if I said or did something that upset him in some way. I didn’t discover this until yesterday morning, so I have no idea how long it’s been since he unfriended me. It breaks my heart because I love him. But, what can you do? I reached out to his wife and told her to please tell him I love him to the moon...her, too. Maybe we’ll reconnect. Maybe not. Not all goodbyes bring closure. Sometimes they’re one sided and we just have to accept them.
\n\n\nI’ve never liked goodbyes. They make me sad. They make me cry. Sometimes they confuse me. Sometimes they force me to look in a mirror. There have been a few that have caused me to breathe a sigh of relief. In whatever form, goodbyes always reflect change. The impermanence of this life and the relationships we get to have in it. They’re not always for richer or for poorer, till death us do part. Sometimes they are nothing more than staring off at the horizon.
\n\n\n?
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2020-11-12T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/11/12/day-saying-goodbye.html", "tags": ["Grief","Growth","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/09/19/day-come-healinga-legend-gone.html", "title": "Day 185: Come Healing...A Legend Gone", "content_html": "\n“My friends, be glad, even if you have a lot of trouble. You know you learn to endure by having your faith tested. But you must learn to endure everything, so you will be completely mature and not lacking in anything.”
\nJames 1:2-4 CEV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/ae8af5df6d.jpg\")
My dearest sister/friend in the whole wide world sent me a link for a song by Leonard Cohen...Come Healing. It starts out rather ethereal, then Leonard’s deep, old-man voice comes in with a jarring duality. The juxtaposition between the two kept me on the surface of the song as I absorbed the intonations of his dusky baritone. Then I listened again. And again. I finally looked up the lyrics and followed along as the song played for the umpteenth time and I got it.
\n\n\nI thought of sharing it with you for “Feel Good Friday”, but something made me wait. Partially because it stirred something within me that didn’t necessarily feel that great. But there was something deeper. Something darker. Something like the feeling you get before a bad storm or a not-so-great visit to the doctor. Something anticipatory that I couldn’t put my finger on. I just knew the time wasn’t right to post it yesterday. Last night, I found out why.
\n\n\nJustice Ruth Bader Ginsburg died.
\n\n\nWe were finishing up shopping at Walmart when my phone pinged with the notification and I cried out, “Noooooo!” Mr. FixIt was ahead of me and he turned with a look of concern. I walked up to him and wordlessly showed him my phone. Such an amazing, strong woman who has fought tirelessly for women’s rights, the Notorious RBG is irreplaceable. They broke the mold when she came along and we are the worse for her loss.
\n\n\nGrief comes in many forms and circumstances. We can grieve over anything that breaks our hearts and what seems inconsequential to some is devastating to others. I read a tweet yesterday where a father revealed their 12-year-old son had died suddenly this week. I scanned a few of the comments. I’m not the social etiquette police, but I do try to find teaching moments when it comes to what not to say to the bereaved. It didn’t take long to see someone flat out ask what happened to his son that he “died suddenly”. I replied “There is a certain decorum expected from humans surrounding the death of a loved one...especially one’s child. The kind thing is to express sincere condolences. This is about them needing support...nothing else.” I seldom make a wave on Twitter, but that response struck a chord with many.
\n\n\nThere’s so much chaos in the world today...so much of it man made. I would like to posit that much of what is being stirred is by the few and not the many. Much is being planted by nefarious players out to divide us because that’s our weakest link. Much is being manipulated by extremists from both ends of the spectrum and they are pitting us against “them” when “them” is in all actuality...”US”.
\n\n\nWe need healing. I don’t know about you, but I crave healing like one craves a hug from a mother long dead. It is so easy to succumb to thinking “It’s just one more thing. 2020 sucks!” Well, as far as years go, 2020 has certainly not been my favorite. But, as I grappled for the words to say today, I thought of the significance this day brings. Ruth Bader Ginsberg was the first Jewish female justice...the longest-serving Jewish justice ever. And she died at the beginning of Rosh Hashanah....the Jewish New Year. Rosh Hashanah is celebrated for two days by eating apples and honey to symbolize the wishes for a sweet New Year. And, it ushers in the Days of Awe...the High Holy Days culminating in the most somber of all Jewish holidays. Yom Kippur. The Day of Atonement. The period of time between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur is to be spent in solemn introspection of one’s personal transgressions...ultimately asking for forgiveness. From those you trespassed against...and from God.
\n\n\nAccording to Jewish tradition, one who dies on Rosh Hashanah is referred to as a Tzaddik...a person of great righteousness. The root of the word sadiq means “justice”.
\n\n\nHow ironic that RBG would leave us on this day of all days. She held out as long as she possibly could but her body just would not carry her any further. My prayer is for comfort for her family in their time of great loss. And for our country as we are once again dealt another blow. And for our healing...our human healing. May we find the spaces between us fill with love.
\n\n\nCome Healing.
\n\n\n?
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2020-09-19T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/09/19/day-come-healinga-legend-gone.html", "tags": ["Grief","Courage","Aging"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/08/11/day-another-bad-night-another.html", "title": "Day 146: Another Bad Night, Another Good Day", "content_html": "\n“Heal me, Lord, and I will be healed; save me and I will be saved, for you are the one I praise.”
\nJeremiah 17:14 NIV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/6ea56db7c2.jpg\")
I used to have what I referred to as “bad nights” in the early years after losing Mr. Virgo. I will never forget the blessed feeling of relief when they finally let up. I will also never forget when they resurfaced years later and I couldn’t shake the thought that maybe this is just the way things are with the new new normal of grief.
\n\n\nThankfully, those bad nights are few and far between anymore. They are usually triggered by stress and...could there be anything more stressful than your new husband having two strokes not much more than a year after the wedding...compounded by everything else going on in this world today? We have had two deaths in the family in the last two weeks. One was my cousin’s husband. That stirs up those old memories.
\n\n\nI went to bed Sunday night like I always do. I slept so well on Friday and Saturday nights. I was hoping for a repeat. I wrote my post. I fed my sourdough starter. I took my meds and did my evening toilette. I climbed between clean sheets with the windows open and a cool evening breeze coming in. I put away my phone so I wouldn’t be tempted to lay there and surf or read or play games. In other words, I did everything right. Still...sleep did not come.
\n\n\nI laid there for hours...tossing and turning. I knew I was keeping Mr. FixIt awake, so I tried to just lay still so I wouldn’t bother him. Then I got a headache from laying in the same position. When Mr. FixIt doesn’t sleep soundly, he become a noisy sleeper. Every time he turns over, he either moans or shouts out...depending on the level of discomfort he has from arthritis. Suffice it to say...I watched the sun coming up.
\n\n\nI got up, drew my fuzzy robe around me, and walked outside to photograph the morning fog. I love fog...it’s so cool and mysterious and softens the world to a hazy glow. The fog also dampens the sounds of the world. The birds seem to whisper their tenuous calls so not to wake up Mother Nature before the coffee’s ready.
\n\n\nI wandered around for a while, went back inside and cleaned the kitchen, and finally...around 7:30...I thought I’d try again to sleep. That’s when the “bad” part of the “bad nights” hit. I laid there, realizing it had now been 24 hours I’d been awake. What if something happened and Mr. FixIt had a medical emergency and needed me? What if something happened to the kids? How would I be my best if I hadn’t had any sleep. You all know where that snowball went...right downhill.
\n\n\nI laid there, quietly willing myself to settle down, to not borrow trouble, to not wake up my husband. When he finally did wake up, I told him about my night and he urged me to not worry about a thing and get some sleep. I went into the guest room and slept till 3:30 in the afternoon!
\n\n\nWhen I awoke, we went to the farm to get the long ladder so I could seal the roof on TOW-Wanda. When we got home, we watched the news and then worked on the camper. I fixed a great meal, and the day was done. My biggest gift of the day came again from Miss Jackie. Her husband was a pastor and she is just a knowledgeable woman when it comes to the Bible. There, in her comment on yesterday’s post was her formula for maintaining mental health. A verse from Philippians. I’ll include it here.
\n\n\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/92848514cb.jpg\")
These verses are an instruction manual for maintaining balance in these crazy times. Good friends can bring such good advice when they are plugged into the light. I cherish those friends who tell me like it is, who gently correct...and who sometimes kick me in the butt when I need it. Thank you all for always being here.
\n\n\nAs Ram Dass said...”We are all just walking each other home.”
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2020-08-11T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/08/11/day-another-bad-night-another.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Positive Energy","God","Wisdom","Fear","Peaceful Moments","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/07/29/day-the-many-faces-of.html", "title": "Day 133: The Many Faces of Grief", "content_html": "\n“You have a special place in my heart. So it is only natural for me to feel the way I do. All of you have helped in the work God has given me, as I defend the good news and tell about it here in jail.”
\nPhilippians 1:7 CEV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/4799e91537.jpg\")
I received a phone call yesterday from my baby cousin. She was the one who lived far away and came to visit us several times when we were growing up. She’s had her hands full...caring for her mom, my favorite auntie. And for her husband, who has been ill for quite some time. They are young...not quite sixty. I remember the first time I got to see her. She couldn’t quite walk and my aunt had her dressed in the sweetest little outfit with a matching coat. Her little curls stuck out from under the edges of the matching bonnet.
\n\n\nWe were all smitten with our “Trinket”, as Grandma called her. She was like a china doll and we didn’t even mind that Grandma paid all her attention to this little one. We knew she was special. Anyway...she called yesterday. Her beloved husband passed in his sleep Sunday night. My heart breaks for her because I know what she is going through. I know what she has ahead of her. I pray for her comfort and peace. I know she is very strong and capable and she will get through this. I just hate it for her.
\n\n\nWhen I look back at pictures of us all those many years ago, we had no idea what was going to happen to us in our lives. She is now the third of us cousins to lose a spouse. Grandma lost her only love when she was sixty-five. She showed us girls how to live through that with strength and dignity and courage.
\n\n\nThere are so many faces of grief. It isn’t just the death of a person that grieves us. We can feel just as deep grief whether the source is a person, place, or thing. I’ve been grieving a potential loss the last couple of years knowing my beloved family farm will not always be “mine”. My uncle owns it and he is aging now. He cannot keep coming to fix it or put the money into it forever, so the time will come.
\n\n\nI was grieving that more this week since the tree came down and the house needed fixing. It made the “eventuality” come closer to the forefront. I have to admit, I became distraught over it. Then “Trinket” lost her husband and God whispered...”All things must come to an end and come Home to me.”
\n\n\nWe can make all the plans we want. We can have dreams and adventures. And in the end, our best gift is the memories we made with the time we were given. I’ve been having a lot of fun with this baking and gardening and canning. And, as soon as that settles down, my focus is back on writing. I’m going to write the story of...The Farm: A Story of Love and Land. I’ll gather pictures and stories from everyone and we’ll have a book for the family to read and remember. Then we’ll have a grand reunion and say a proper goodbye to this home of my heart.
\n\n\nI have no idea how much time I have exactly for this project, but I’m giving myself a year. That should be plenty. And it will help ease my dependence on the old house. Someday she will not be ours...she will belong to another family. But, she will always and forever be the home of my heart.
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2020-07-29T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/07/29/day-the-many-faces-of.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","West Virginia","The Farm","Growth","Gratitude","Wisdom","Choices","Change","Farm Life","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/07/26/day-not-what-i-expected.html", "title": "Day 130: Not What I Expected", "content_html": "\n“My people will live in peaceful dwelling places, in secure homes, in undisturbed places of rest. Though hail flattens the forest and the city is leveled completely, how blessed you will be, sowing your seed by every stream, and letting your cattle and donkeys range free.”
\nIsaiah 32:18-20 NIV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/41c08929fb.jpg\")
Even with everything that’s gone on this year since the initial lockdown, yesterday felt different. Mr. FixIt and I were heading to our great-grandson’s 1st Birthday Party. We needed to make a stop at Walmart to pick some things up to take with us. There is only one entrance open now at the Walmart we shop at.
\n\n\n“This Door for Emergency Use Only” the sign said.
\n\n\nYellow caution tape lined the area where we were inspected for masks before entering the store. That is good. I want people to wear masks. But this time I could feel the longevity of this disease. It’s too late to say “If only everyone would have worn masks, we wouldn’t have to face months and months of this.” That ship has sailed. I am learning of more and more people getting the virus. People I know personally. The families of people I know personally.
\n\n\nWe went to the party and the family had placed signs on a table asking people to stay 6’ back. So, at one end, you have the young mommies and daddies with their little ones...all congregating around the pizza and the cake and the presents. At the other end, you had the grandmas and the grandpa and the family members that practice social distancing. Which was just fine. We visited at a distance and had masks to put on if someone sat a little too close.
\n\n\nWhat went through my mind was...the birthday boy is a year old now and I haven’t held him since February. Our great-granddaughter is almost three. She knows now which grandparents can’t hold her so she’s stop asking for cuddles. The baby is six months old now and doesn’t know who we are. It breaks my heart.
\n\n\nI look back over the photos in my iPad at times when social isolation and masks were something that they did in Hong Kong during SARS....not here. It’s getting to be hard to imagine going someplace with the freedom we had BC (before Covid). I try not to dwell on it, but it’s increasingly hard not to.
\n\n\nIt helps tremendously to think of what’s above and not what’s here on earth. This is not my home in the end. I am just passing through here and there is a home in heaven with my name on it. This is God’s promise to me. The Bible tells us we will have troubles here. It’s just the nature of life here on earth.
\n\n\nI fill my days, though. Lands...I don’t have hardly a moment to call my own these days. After the birthday party, we stopped for a burger on the way home. Then Mr. FixIt suggested we take a ride out this country road to where there were a lot of nurseries at one time. One of my cousins told us they are selling tomatoes and other produce in front of a couple of “high tunnels”...greenhouses that look like a Quonset hut.
\n\n\nThere was a table set up out front, under a folding canopy, laden with the most beautiful tomatoes you can imagine. There were peppers and cucumbers, too. There was a price list and it was all on the honor system. We don’t need tomatoes as ours are just beginning to ripen. And, they didn’t have green beans, which is what I’m looking for. So we didn’t purchase anything.
\n\n\nI can’t believe it is Sunday again...it just seems like yesterday. The time seems to be flying by...which I suppose is a good thing, given all the circumstances. Still, I really feel like we need to really feel the feels that go along with this crisis or we will miss the lessons we can learn from it. It’s easy to stay present when it’s a pleasant experience. Not so much when things are rough.
\n\n\nMaybe we will appreciate our freedoms more once this is all over.
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2020-07-26T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/07/26/day-not-what-i-expected.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Growth","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/06/20/day-a-really-grand-day.html", "title": "Day 95: A Really Grand Day", "content_html": "\n“Think about what is up there, not about what is here on earth.”
\nColossians 3:2 CEV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/cb7d1c2e72.jpg\")
My daughter and her wife drove across Colorado yesterday to see her dad for Father’s Day. It always warms my heart when she does something with her dad.They have a special bond. Daughter #2 has changed a lot during the pandemic. We video chat, text, and call more often than we ever have. We both need that mother-daughter connection. We were talking the other day and I wanted to ask her to stop by to visit Mr. Virgo’s grave on her way through...but I forgot.
\n\n\nMr. FixIt and I were running errands yesterday. We were standing in Walmart when a video chat request came through from my daughter.
\n\n\n“Mom? I wasn’t sure whether I should do this or not, but....here.” She turned the camera around and she was standing in front of Mr. Virgo’s grave! I caught my breath and put my hand on my heart.
\n\n\n“Oh, honey! Thank you SO much for going to see him! I’ve been thinking about him so much lately.” I was grinning ear to ear.
\n\n\nShe had already cleaned up the grave and weeded the entire area around it. She made sure the rocks were neat and tidy in a circle around him. And she stayed for a while after we got off the phone so she could talk to him. They held a special bond, too. She is such a good person.
\n\n\nI had my appointment with the specialist at WVU yesterday. We need more testing to suss out what exactly is going on with my thyroid. It was my first experience with a video doctor’s visit and, I must say, I think I prefer it over being there in person. I had my notes and questions written down. The doctor was very patient and listened to me and we worked out a plan together.
\n\n\nWe had to take this lawn tractor BACK to the shop again. Mr. FixIt set the emergency brake on it when we got it on the trailer. Then, when I drove it off, the brake handle fell off. I could feel what happened back in there, but I could not put the pin back in the hole to hold the handle in place. As it turns out, the service man had to remove the gas tank to get to the spot he needed. And now it’s fixed...again.
\n\n\nBy the time we got home, we were famished. I made grilled cheese sandwiches with pepperoni on the sourdough bread I made over the weekend. I’m telling you...I hit the mother lode with this recipe! And now, here we are...another weekend. We don’t have to be anywhere till Tuesday and I am thrilled. Lots of pool time and baking in my future over the next few days. Still camping out in the field.
\n\n\nI am so incredibly blessed to have this life. When I saw Mr. Virgo’s grave through my daughter’s phone camera, I thought I could almost hear him saying...
\n\n\n“You’re doing a great job, babydoll!”
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2020-06-20T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/06/20/day-a-really-grand-day.html", "tags": ["Family","Grief","Love","Marriage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/05/17/day-when-i-find-myself.html", "title": "Day 62: When I Find Myself in Times of Trouble...", "content_html": "\n“Do everything in love.”
\n1 Corinthians 16:14 NIV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/6ba6e9b243.jpg\")
Days of unexpected loss. We all get them. We never know when the next one will strike. Yesterday was just such a day. We started out the day with another trip to the Emergency Room for what appears to be another small stroke for my beloved Mr. FixIt. I had a taste of what if feels like for those desperately frightened family members who drop their loved ones off at the ER door then drive off. Or, in my case...drive to the parking lot and sit. All day.
\n\n\nI hugged him goodbye, then went to the truck and cried. I couldn’t leave him. What if he needed me? What if something happened and I had to get there in a hurry. I couldn’t be a half hour away. I just couldn’t. So, I sat there waiting for a text or a call. They kept him overnight and I should be able to take him home this morning, thank God. This is another dodged bullet. We never, ever know what the day will bring.
\n\n\nJust as I was finally ready to leave and head home, I received a text from my cousin.
\n\n\n“Call me.”
\n\n\nMy aunt had just passed away at 4:45. My cousin had spent several hours a day the last week sitting with her and holding her hand. She was with her when she took her last breath and I am grateful she didn’t die alone.
\n\n\nI called her “Auntzilla” to my inner circle. She was a bear and never really liked me much, even when I was a little girl. She may have been cantankerous in her old age, but that woman did a lot of good things for people in her lifetime. I will never forget the year when Hubby #2 was in medical school. We literally had nothing. One day, after a particularly rough day at work, I walked up the stoop to our house to find a big box from Aunt Peeps. I opened it and went through it slowly. It was clothes. Not new ones, but nice ones. Aunt Peeps was very fond of expensive clothes but was a bigger fan of a bargain. She bought good stuff on sale and hung onto it till someone she knew needed a boost. Then she’d mail them a box.
\n\n\nWhen I picked up the first piece, I ran my fingers down the fabric to admire the quality. I felt something in the pocket and reached in. Money! In the pocket of each piece of clothing there was a crisp new $20 bill for a total of $200! That was more money than I had seen in a very long time and was sorely needed. She loaned me her car when I came for visits so I wouldn’t have to rent one. She gave me Grandma Teeter’s old crocks and a lovely red child-sized rocking chair her late husband had found in a barn.
\n\n\nShe was generous, but tight as a drum. She knew the price of everything to the penny and watched her money like a hawk. She was strong-willed and stubborn. She was a raven-haired beauty till her hair went snowy white like my mom’s. She wore makeup till her shaking hand would not allow her to apply it anymore. She was vain in an Audrey Hepburn kind of way with the sharp tongue of Joan Crawford. She did not mince words and had no time for nonsense.
\n\n\nAnd now she is gone. The world is changing and all upside down. It’s like...I don’t know what to expect next AND I’m not surprised when it get’s here. Her death came at the end of a perfectly awful day. I called my cousin...the daughter of the only living sister...to tell her. We wanted her to be able to tell her mom in person.
\n\n\nWhen I finally got home, the stress and grief came out in the way they always come out. I threw up. To settle myself down afterward, I laid on the bed and considered the alphabet. I pictured each letter in my mind...describing it, noticing the way it curved to stood straight and tall. I heard its sound in my head. I thought of a word starting with that letter. Then went to the next. And, the next...till I had slowly worked my way through the entire alphabet. By the time I got to “z”, I was calmed down and ready to write. We do whatever we have to do to get by on days like these. Bottom line...I kept asking God to pull me closer. He never fails me.
\n\n\nThank you so much for your prayers yesterday. You have no idea what it means to me to ask for prayers and immediately have so many people drop what they’re doing to pray. The power of prayer is unmistakable and...palpable to the recipient who is in tune. Hopefully Mr. FixIt will get to come home today and it will be a better day!
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n\n“First of all, then, I urge that supplications, prayers, intercessions, and thanksgivings be made for all people,”
\n1 Timothy 2:1 ESV\n
#Prayers, #Family, #Fear, Prayer
\n\n", "date_published": "2020-05-17T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/05/17/day-when-i-find-myself.html", "tags": ["Health","Family","Grief","Gratitude","Fear","Aging"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/05/06/day-saying-goodbye-to-beni.html", "title": "Day 51: Saying Goodbye to Beni", "content_html": "\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/9467c9af79.jpg\")
I’ve had to say goodbye to several fur babies and each one hurts more than you can imagine. The first time I ever had to put a dog down, it wasn’t even mine. It was my late father-in-law’s. He just didn’t have the heart to do it. He asked if I would. I don’t know why, but I’m the one that always had to take the “kids” for their last ride. Women are stronger in this, maybe. Maybe it’s because I was mostly raised on a farm that I got elected. For whatever reason, and as hard as it was, it was always an honor to be with a beloved companion in their last moments and let them see and hear someone they loved and trusted. It is the final gift you can give them.
\n\n\nThe other day, my friend Deneene had to say goodbye to her beloved Beni. It carried the usual pain of losing a companion animal, but it had an added layer of pain. Beni was the last of the pack that was left from the animals she shared with her late husband. Losing this dog meant losing another important connection to Mike. It compounds the grief.
\n\n\nLosing a loved one is like dropping a big stone in a still pond. That first contact between the rock and the water causes the biggest wave. Then the ripples begin to slowly spread out and touch more and more of the space between the event and the shore. Since there is no timetable for grief, many years can go by and you still encounter a wave that originated from the center.
\n\n\nBeni was a good dog. He rarely barked but when he did, it was more like saying hello than it was a warning. He was gentle and sweet and other animals seemed to know he was a good boy. He had a rocky start. Deneene’s daughter found him abandoned inside a crate. He surely would have starved to death if she hadn’t found him and took him in. His leg was severely injured and he always walked with a bit of a limp. But, dogs are the only animal that love you more than they do themselves and he never knew an enemy once he knew the love of his girl.
\n\n\nCas brought Beni to visit Deneene. They had a strong bond. Deneene often called and asked her to bring Beni over for a visit...or maybe let him spend the weekend. Before long, Beni just ended up staying with Deneene and that was it. They were attached at the hip. A little over a year ago, Deneene knew Beni didn’t have too much longer with them, so she brought another dog home. She has never been without a companion animal and she wasn’t about to this time, either.
\n\n\nGriffen the Grey joined their pack. A solid little French Bulldog puppy that everyone fell in love with. He was Beni’s annoying little brother who made him get up and move around more than he really wanted to. Maybe that’s what kept him going this last year. One of Beni’s favorite things to do was ride in the kayak with his mom. He wore a life vest in his later years because he wasn’t strong enough to keep his head above water.
\n\n\nLast Friday, Deneene knew Beni was done. He stopped eating. Sometimes he couldn’t stand up without falling down. She waited for him to tell her when...and he did. She set the date for Monday, then treated Beni to a beautiful farewell weekend with all his favorite things. They went for a ride in the car and a swim in the lake. And they went for ice cream. Griff seemed to know something was up because he just laid close to Beni all weekend without trying to engage him in play.
\n\n\nWhen the last ride was over, they brought their good boy home and buried him in a beautiful part of the yard, in the cool shade of a tree. They placed a statue of St. Francis at his head to watch over him. And Griffen laid near the grave all day, waiting for his buddy, honoring his friendship, mourning his passing.
\n\n\nOther animals miss their brothers and sisters when they cross over the Rainbow Bridge, just like we do. It’s sad for everyone. Even though we know they aren’t suffering anymore, we still may feel guilty, like maybe we should have...could have...done more for our friends. In the wild, an animal goes off in the woods by themselves to die when it’s their time. Domestic pets rely on us to make the humane decision for them.
\n\n\nThose pets who own a person are the most blessed because they get to take a little bit of their human’s heart with them...just as they leave behind a little piece of their own. I’ve heard it said, eventually you end up with the heart of a dog...one who loves everyone unconditionally.
\n\n\nMy heart is with you, Deneene. And with all of you who have had to say goodbye to a beloved pet...especially if that pet was the last of the pack you shared with your loved one.
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2020-05-06T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/05/06/day-saying-goodbye-to-beni.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Gratitude","Aging","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/04/20/day-i-miss-your-face.html", "title": "Day 35: I Miss Your Face", "content_html": "\n“For what happens to the children of man and what happens to the beasts is the same; as one dies, so dies the other. They all have the same breath, and man has no advantage over the beasts, for all is vanity. All go to one place. All are from the dust, and to dust all return.”
\nEcclesiastes 3:19-20 ESV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/6dfb55d66c.jpg\")
Like everyone else, we’re doing a lot of hanging out here at The Ponderosa. Mowing season has begun. We’re getting projects done and making plans for others. The few times we have ventured out have been masked forays into uncrowded stores for a quick purchase. We only have a few shops in the tiny town on the other side of the hill. Piggly Wiggly and Dollar General are the bigger ones.
\n\n\nI needed a couple things the other day so I stopped in the Dollar General. There was a woman shopping ahead of me. She was around my age. She wore a mask but she had it pulled down under her nose. The first thing I said to her was “Thank you so much for wearing a mask. It’s so important to help stop the spread of this disease.” Her eyes crinkled up from the smile hidden behind her mask.
\n\n\n“I don’t mean to pry,” I said. “But, did you by any chance work in medicine?”
\n\n\n“No I didn’t,” she said.
\n\n\n“I worked in the medical field for over forty years and I would never be presumptuous and tell someone what to do. However, your mask won’t help you if you don’t cover your nose.”
\n\n\nShe quickly pulled it up. “Oh, I know...but it makes my glasses fog up and I can’t stand it.”
\n\n\nAt the time, I didn’t have an answer for her. I knew there were ways to get around that, but I just couldn’t think off the top of my head. Since then, I found out one way is to fold up a tissue under the your glasses behind the mask. Some masks have a flexible wire at the top that molds it to your nose and that helps, but these homemade masks don’t have that. If you wash your glasses with soapy water leaves a thin film that reduces surface tension and the lenses won’t fog up. Mr. FixIt swears if you wash your glasses with shaving cream, they won’t fog up. I haven’t tried that yet.
\n\n\nI have a bit of a hearing loss and find I’m depending on reading lips a lot more than I thought I was. I’m having to ask people to repeat themselves more often since we are wearing masks. I also miss seeing people smile. It’s amazing how much nonverbal cues come through watching a person’s face.
\n\n\nRemember I told you the other day that I hadn’t cried since this all started? Well, last night my daughter called and we had a long, laughter-filled conversation. We told stories and reminisced about her childhood. It was leisurely and delightful. When we were saying our goodbyes, I heard her voice thicken with emotion.
\n\n\n“Mama, the other day I read that if they can’t come up with a vaccine that works, we might have to practice social distancing clear into 2022. I can’t stand the thought of not hugging you for that long!” (Note: I’m not saying a vaccine cures this. I’m not being political. I know we can’t stay in limbo like this forever. I’m just relaying what my daughter said she heard.)
\n\n\nMy heart broke.
\n\n\n“Honey, I would find a way to hug you...no matter what. We could put a blanket between us and I could give you a big ol’ Mama hug!”
\n\n\nWe said our goodbyes...and I hung up and cried.
\n\n\nIt’s the first time I’ve shed tears since all this began. It wasn’t cleansing tears, either.
\n\n\nIt just made me sad.
\n\n\nIt’s ok to be saddened by all this. It’s hard to think about all the things...all the little things and the big things that we’re missing. We can’t get through this without feeling sadness. I’m combatting that with making lists of all the things I want to do when things open up. I’m looking for ways to serve others through this difficult time. And I look for the goodness of God in the world around me.
\n\n\nNot every day can be a happy day.
\n\n\nThat’s ok.
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2020-04-20T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/04/20/day-i-miss-your-face.html", "tags": ["Family","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Love","Presence","Choices"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/04/19/day-we-are-in-the.html", "title": "Day 34: We Are in the Same Storm...NOT the Same Boat", "content_html": "\n“The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer, my God, my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. I call upon the Lord, who is worthy to be praised, and I am saved from my enemies.”
\nPsalm 18:2-3 ESV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/dc4fde4685.jpg\")
Let me preface this by stating this is not an original thought. I mean, really...IS there such a thing anymore? No, I read something yesterday on Facebook that someone forwarded. It was attributed to an “Unknown Author” so, who knows? If you wrote it or know for certain who did, let me know so I can give credit where credit is due.
\n\n\nThe premise of the post was the pandemic and where we factor in it. I’m sure we all have read “We are in the same boat!” That couldn’t be further from the truth. “We’ll get through this together!” Oh, that I truly pray for. But in the same boat? Nope. We’re in the same storm. And even that is somewhat different. The storm in Washington state and Florida and New York and Texas and New Orleans is far different than Montana and Wyoming and North Dakota and even here in West Virginia.
\n\n\nThe only thing that is absolute is, we are facing the same enemy...Covid-19. That’s the storm we are collectively facing. For some, it’s hardly a blip on the radar screen. For others, it’s a Class V Hurricane. To say we are all in the same boat is totally inaccurate. We are all in our own boats...sailing along as best we can with what’s being thrown our way. It’s a crapshoot where the dice will land when they're tossed our way.
\n\n\nSome of us are riding this wave with life vests out the wazoo. Money in the bank, food in the larder, a mortgage free home. It’s pretty much business as usual with a little more time at home than we’re used to. Maybe we don’t get the choicest cut of meat or they were out of our favorite wine. Maybe our biggest challenge is getting oh so bored with the menu at Chez Home Kitchen or we’ve gone through our DVR’s backlog of “must see” shows we always wanted to catch up on.
\n\n\nOthers have always been a paycheck away from hunger or homelessness. We’ve got parents teaching their children through online learning on top of working their own 10-12 hour day online...if we’re lucky enough to have a job, period. Some of us don’t have sweet and tender spouses ready to be there to back us up in our darkest time of need. Some of us have suffered abuse at night but at least had those hours on the job as a way to escape the blows for a while. Some of our children are facing hunger now more than ever...maybe for the first time in their little lives. Maybe the weight of the crises between moms and dad is spilling over and the littles are catching the brunt of it in ways we cannot imagine.
\n\n\nWe are NOT in the same boat. The single mom with three kids that’s trying to figure out how to keep her family together is not the same as the retired couple sipping their martini and watching the evening news together in their neat and tidy mansion on the 9th hole of the local country club.
\n\n\nWe are NOT in the same boat. The dad who works three jobs to put food on the table and finds himself standing in a food bank line for 10 hours to receive a sack of groceries the likes of which others can pick up at the corner market without a second thought.
\n\n\nWe are NOT in the same boat. Blacks and Latinos are dying in far greater numbers simply because their demographic puts them at a higher risk for disease.
\n\n\nWe ARE, however, in the same storm...more or less. We are facing a formidable foe. I pray we get through this together. But some of us won’t. Many of us won’t.
\n\n\nWe are seeing exactly what I told you we would see. I told you, if the numbers didn’t turn out to be the mega-catastrophic death tolls originally predicted, we would have people screaming that we over-reacted. I told you this would happen if the curve flattened but it’s not because we over-reacted. It’s because the safety measures we put in place did their jobs. This debate will rage for months...could more lives have been saved if we started earlier? Did we do enough? Did we do too much? Where and when did the virus actually start? Since we didn’t have enough tests, what is the actually number of patients infected?
\n\n\nNow we are seeing protests of the shutdown and some officials are easing restrictions in what others see as too soon and with reckless abandon. Just the other day I wrote a post about gaslighting and we are seeing more and more of that, too. Changes will come at a dizzying speed and it’s going to be hard to keep up. Throw a presidential election in the mix and...holy cats...what a mess.
\n\n\nIt’s not all gloom and doom, though. Look at how folks are rallying around the people on the front lines. Look at how people are contributing and volunteering and organizing. As Mrs. Rogers told her little boy...”Look for the helpers.” They're out there and they are doing good things. There are positive things coming from this. People are searching out ways to be of service.
\n\n\nIf you’re still having trouble finding a ray of hope, try this. There wasn’t a single school shooting in all of March 2020...the first March since 2002 to not see one.
\n\n\nThat is a sobering thought.
\n\n\nMaybe, just maybe....maybe we don’t WANT to go back to normal.
\n\n\nMaybe this is our chance to change. This is our do-over.
\n\n\nI had to do it after Mr. Virgo died. I had to create a whole new normal. A whole new world. A whole new identity. Heck, if I...in all my messy dysfunction...could work with God and create something as beautiful as the life I’m living, anything is possible.
\n\n\nAnything.
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n\n““Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.”
\nIsaiah 43:18-19 ESV\n
#StartingOver, #Healing, #Coronavirus
\n\n", "date_published": "2020-04-19T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/04/19/day-we-are-in-the.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Growth","New Ideas","God","Wisdom","Fear","Courage","Humbled","Choices","Change","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/04/18/day-the-transmogrification-of-the.html", "title": "Day 33: The Transmogrification of the World", "content_html": "\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/b63c5f7821.jpg\")
You can ask anyone who knows me...especially my sweet hubby...CHANGE is my middle name. I can roll with the punches like the best of them. I can adapt, adjust, regroup, reform, revise, diversify, shift, twist, transform, remodel, and steer in a whole new direction. I’ve made myself over so many times, I am unrecognizable to those who’ve known me longest. But there comes a point where it gets “purt near impossible” as my grandma used to say...even for a flexible person like me.
\n\n\nI can handle when things slow down. I can take it when certain items are unavailable. After all, I lived through the great gasoline, toilet paper and sugar shortage of 1973-74 in the UK. We were actually given ration coupons. I hate that this disease is causing so much hardship on the world. It breaks my heart the amount of death that lies in its wake.
\n\n\nThe first time I ever faced the visual shock of devastating change was in the late ‘80s, early ‘90s. I was on my annual trip to West Virginia to visit my family. I always stayed at the farm as much as possible when I went home and no trip was complete without a hike back up on the hill to the old Strawberry Shed. At this time, I could still walk up the trail behind the barn and walk through the woods. Now, old trees have long since fallen up the holler and blocked any way to get up through there, let alone finding the path since it’s overgrown.
\n\n\nThat one particular summer, I hiked back up on the hill and when I came out into the clearing where the old garden was, I dropped to my knees in disbelief. The woods were gone. Just...gone! They had been clear cut and nothing was left but stumps. Something inside me felt broken and I cried my heart out. Someone had killed my childhood memories and I felt violated.
\n\n\nNo one told me about the woods. No one warned me what the change would look like or that I should prepare myself. For them, it was a matter of course. Wood is a commodity on a farm and when you need to build a building or you need some money to live on, you make a withdrawal out of the “Bank of Nature” and cash it in. I knew this in my logical brain, but my emotional brain was devastated.
\n\n\nLast fall, my dear friend Gail told us our beloved Beaver Creek State Park was going to close soon after our “What a Hoot” event with the Girl Campers. She said they were going to cut out some dead wood, thin out the woods to improve the forest health, and mitigate a couple of old holding ponds leftover from the days when the area was a strip mine. The plan was to fill in those two pits and cut some of the far trees so you could once again look down over the edge to see the Pioneer Village below.
\n\n\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/a4eec22fdf.jpg\")
That sounded good. A healthy move. A needed change. It would promote healthy new growth and cut down on the terrible mosquito problem that infested the area in late summer. I haven’t been back up there yet. The state park is still closed for rehab. And, the pandemic has kept us from camping yet. Then, I saw the first photos from the park and I was once again hit in the gut with that familiar pain from such a visual change.
\n\n\nThe trees are just...gone. It looks like all of them, from what I can see. What was once magical is now just a memory. We can only hope that what is there will become beautiful again, but it won’t be in our lifetime. The changes we are seeing from the pandemic may also be far reaching. Many are unimaginable and hit us in the gut. Things are different. And more change will come. And some of it will be downright ugly and frightening, but....at the same time...
\n\n\nThe birds will sing.
\n\n\nThe sun will rise and set.
\n\n\nThe seasons will change.
\n\n\nBabies will come.
\n\n\nElders will go.
\n\n\nThe water will flow from the peaks of the mountains to the valleys below.
\n\n\nThere will be fires and storms and earthquakes and disease.
\n\n\nAnd there will be life.
\n\n\nResilient, strong, adaptable people will persevere. We may not live long enough to see how it all plays out but we can rest assured of one thing...
\n\n\nNo matter what is thrown at us in this life, we know the end of the story and good triumphs over evil.
\n\n\nIt is finished. We just haven’t seen the end of it yet.
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2020-04-18T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/04/18/day-the-transmogrification-of-the.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","West Virginia","The Farm","Anger","Courage","Aging","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/04/07/day-i-took-a-little.html", "title": "Day 22: I Took a Little Break...Stay and Pray", "content_html": "\n“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.”
\nJeremiah 29:11 ESV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/eebccb2aec.jpg\")
I had to be up bright and early yesterday to take the truck into the body shop to fix the damage from the rebar I ran over a couple of weeks ago. Could it have waited? Yes. But there was very minimal contact with others in the interaction. I wore a mask, spoke to one man in the body shop...at a distance. Handed over the key and declined his offer to wait inside for the Enterprise guy to bring my vehicle. When the car arrived, I sat in my truck and the agent stood six feet away and asked questions. I handed him my ID and credit card wrapped in a disinfecting wipe...for his protection. I received it back in a different wrap for mine. It was all done in five minutes.
\n\n\nI took my container of wipes and went over every surface of that car that I am likely to touch, although I could see from the streaks left behind that it had been cleaned before. When I was satisfied, I got in and left. I checked my mail and went through the drive thru for a bag of pepperoni rolls because one must have pepperoni rolls when facing the worst week of a pandemic, right? The package got wiped down as well.
\n\n\nMy laundry was still in the truck from my ill-fated trip to the farm last Sunday when the hillside was on fire, so I made plans to head out there after getting the rental car. I arrived in late morning and the sun was sparkling on all the lovely green grass and flowering shrubs. I hauled in my laundry and got it started. As the first load was in, I crawled into the bed my grandparents slept in. I pulled the covers up under my chin and stared out the window at the massive flowering quince along the creek bank.
\n\n\nMy mind, like most of yours I’m sure, has been a whirlwind these last few weeks. Between prayers for my family, friends, readers, and public at large and keeping inventory of where I’ve been, how many times I’ve washed my hands, and if I’ve touched my face...I’ve been...what? Teetering? No, that’s not it. Worried? Yeah, who isn’t? Overwhelmed? Surprisingly, no. Actually I’ve been running steady like a little two-stroke engine pulling a grist mill. Humming right along, but bound to run out of gas soon or later.
\n\n\nI decided to take a preemptive break BEFORE I ran out of gas. This is a good mental health strategy that I learned along some of the rockiest paths I’ve been on in this life. And, I can’t think of anyplace in the world that gives me more comfort than being at the farm by myself for a day or two. It even beats being in my camper...and you KNOW how much I love that!
\n\n\nAs I watched the flowery branches of the quince sway to and fro in the breeze, a Yellow Eastern Tiger Swallowtail butterfly landed here and there, sucking up the sweet nectar. It made me smile. I took a deep breath through my nose and smelled flowers and moss and wet leaves in the woods. I smelled “grandma’s house”...a pleasing mixture of old wood, old fabrics, old books. I wish I could bottle that and keep it. Or make candles with that special scent. The birds were calling and I saw the blue heron that frequents the creek across the road as it slowly beat its wings up the holler.
\n\n\nI drifted off into a deep sleep and when I woke up, I vowed I would not watch the news on this beautiful day. I know what is happening. Instead, I prayed for them all. Those being left at the door of the hospital. Those being left behind when they don’t return. I cannot change what is happening right now. I cannot do anything more than what I am currently doing....wiping, washing, and waiting. Weeping more doesn’t help.
\n\n\nA high school friend lost her husband during the night. It was not unexpected. It was not coronavirus. It was cancer. Death doesn’t wait for anything or anyone. That death hurts, too. Because that’s the one we knew was coming and couldn’t stop it. This pandemic has changed how we grieve. We will continue to find all the ways it has changed us as we go along, but my heart breaks for the newly bereaved in this time without hugs.
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2020-04-07T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/04/07/day-i-took-a-little.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Comfort","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/04/05/day-a-lesson-from-nature.html", "title": "Day 20: A Lesson From Nature and a Song for Your Heart", "content_html": "\n“The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.”
\nPsalms 34:18 ESV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/977399901f.jpg\")
Yesterday was so beautiful on The Ponderosa. The forsythia and flowering quince are at their peak of color. The pear tree out front is so full of delicate white blossoms the limbs bend. The grass in the fields has filled in with a spring green that shocks the eyes in the glare of the sun. All around us, the woods are filling in...first the underbrush, then the trees budding. It is a sight to behold and one that brings peace and comfort to my soul. It brings promise in the midst of an ugly scourge that is threatening the world. The dichotomy between the microcosm of my world and the painful specter that is New York, Italy, and countless other locales Boggles the mind.
\n\n\nWe spent the biggest portion of yesterday outside. I cleaned out my truck to prepare it for the body shop on Monday. The camping gear was sadly put away for now. We had a socially distanced visit with some family in the driveway. Our first great grandson is getting SO big and it was really hard not to run and scoop him up in my arms. Fortunately, he is too young to understand all this and was happy to sit in the seat of their Jeep and play patty-cake with me.
\n\n\nAs I went about my day, cleaning and organizing, I watched the birds swoop in to the bird feeders. Mr. FixIt put up the hummingbird feeder and we are anxiously awaiting our first sighting. The flowering shrubs are so heavily laden with honey bees, you can hear them buzzing from twenty feet away. It does my heart good to see the bees. I think there are more this year than usual, which is a good sign.
\n\n\nNature can teach us many things during times of duress. Nature almost always finds a way to survive, even in the harshest of environments. So can we. Nature displays beauty at every turn, even when the going gets rough. So can we. Nature follows a set script of seasons and there is a time for every purpose. There is for us, as well. It’s just that, now we have this thing...this aberrant monster that we can’t control. And that is disconcerting. Disheartening. Discouraging.
\n\n\nEven in the most difficult moments of our lives, we can find courage, we can seek beauty, and we can display kindness. In my search for Christine Lavin’s song about adjusting your dreams, I stumbled upon another of her works. At first, I was a bit afraid to listen as the title is “As Bad As It Gets”. She wrote it for someone she loved very much who was going through a devastating medical crisis. When I listened to it, I thought to myself it was something I wish I would have found early on in my grief. I find it comforting in the light of where we are right now and thought I would share it with you here this morning. Christine sent it to me to share in the hope that it helps you.
\n\n\n“As Bad As It Gets” by Christina Lavin: https://vimeo.com/233368854
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n“And his disciples asked him, \"Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?\" Jesus answered, \"It was not that this man sinned, or his parents, but that the works of God might be displayed in him. We must work the works of him who sent me while it is day; night is coming, when no one can work. As long as I am in the world, I am the light of the world.\"”
\n\n\nJohn 9:2-5 ESV
\n\n\n#Struggles, #Coronavirus, #Faith, #ChristineLavin
\n\n", "date_published": "2020-04-05T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/04/05/day-a-lesson-from-nature.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Growth","Gratitude","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/04/01/day-is-it-allergiesor-is.html", "title": "Day 16: Is it Allergies...or is it Covid?", "content_html": "\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/0ab87e8384.jpg\")
I can tell you what’s going on outside without even looking. If my head throbs and my throat is scratchy and I’m sneezing my head off, it’s sunny and warm with a breeze. Every January, I try to remember to start using my nasal steroids to ward off my seasonal allergies and it never fails...March comes and I smack my forehead. If I start early enough, it’s always so much better, but I seldom remember.
\n\n\nSo, Sunday afternoon when I got home from the farm and jumped on the riding mower, I’d only had a few weeks worth of Flonase treatment on board. Even with that and an N95 mask, by nightfall my head was pounding, my eyes were itchy, my throat was scratchy, and I was coughing.
\n\n\nI laid in bed for most of the night wondering if I had coronavirus. I took my temperature every hour on the hour. I thought back to everywhere I’ve been in the past 6-8 weeks. I counted the number of times I washed my hands. Did I touch my face? Did I forget to use a paper towel to open that door? Is that stomach ache from the spaghetti sauce or am I coming down with something?
\n\n\nThis is the kind of thinking that will drive you crazy. It does absolutely no good to worry myself, and Mr. FixIt, to death about it. I’ll continue to monitor my symptoms but I know it most certainly is the same allergy symptoms I’ve experienced every spring for years.
\n\n\nI was thinking about something the other day. There is a very real comparison to what I’m feeling now and what I felt in the aftermath of Mr. Virgo’s death. Not nearly to the same degree...but eerily similar. I was all set to accomplish great things with this newfound “stay-at-home” order. I thought this would be a period of intense productivity. We’d get this bathroom finished then start the next one. We would strip the wallpaper in the dining room and start going through the closets and the basement. Then we would tackle the building out back. Oh, yes...I had big plans.
\n\n\nInstead, I’ve done very little. I’ve kept us fed. I’ve taken care of the things that need taken care of to survive day to day. I’ve written my blog and kept in touch with my people. I spend a great deal of time doing nothing more than resting with Mr. FixIt. We’ve been watching West Wing and it’s been fun introducing him to that. He never watched it when it was on the air.
\n\n\nI was feeling like I should be doing more. Then I remembered what my grief was like seven years ago. It was a lot like this. Not in intensity, to be sure. But the same malaise is there. The same uncertainty. The same unsettled undercurrent of sadness and longing. The thread of fear that I keep at bay with my trust in Jesus. This is the initial phase of a grief we all are feeling to one degree or another. We are letting it settle in.
\n\n\nIt’s ok that we don’t get a lot done right now. As we adjust, we’ll get more energy and be able to accomplish more. I learned this from before. Until then, self care is a good thing. We aren’t going anywhere...not for a while, anyway. We’ll get through this. I learned that, too.
\n\n\nToday is traditionally April Fools Day. Instead of foolishness, lets make it a day filled with kindness.
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2020-04-01T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/04/01/day-is-it-allergiesor-is.html", "tags": ["Health","Grief","Prayer","Wisdom","Warning","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/03/28/day-when-it-rains-it.html", "title": "Day 12: When it Rains, it Rains and Rains and Rains!", "content_html": "\n“do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
\nPhilippians 4:6-7 ESV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/ba2cb99b24.jpg\")
We are heading into what is one of the wettest times of the year in West Virginia. At the same time, the temperature is beginning to rise and that combo is what wakes up the grass and gets it growing. Every spring there are funny memes of people trying to mow the lawn in scuba gear. Sometimes it’s hard to get the garden plowed if you didn’t jump on it in early March. Then you have to wait for it to dry so you can plant. I’m not complaining, mind you. At least we aren’t planning to have more snow or hard freezes at this point like what I was used to in Colorado.
\n\n\nWith the pandemic, and the resultant shock waves going through the economy, it looks like we may be staying put here for a while. If I am anything, it’s flexible. And Lord knows we are all going to need to embrace that trait in the foreseeable future. We are blessed with a home and land and safety. There’s no need to rush into anything right now. Besides, that will take the pressure off and we can take our time fixing this place up.
\n\n\nWith all that in mind, Mr. FixIt and I have been talking about having a bigger garden here at The Ponderosa. I’m picking up a case of canning jars every time I go to the store. I bought a new gasket (plus a spare) for the pressure canner. One of the problems with growing a garden in the country is the wildlife that stand around waiting for the salad bar to open. We have tons of rabbits and they eat my green beans every year. We also have deer. In the past, Mr. FixIt grew a big garden here and used an electric fence to keep the deer out. I’ve been looking at a setup like the one pictured above...at least for the salad stuff that the rabbits get into. I don’t know how big we’ll actually go, but I really like the idea of the raised beds. It’s better on your back.
\n\n\nA couple of years ago, we bought a shaded gazebo for the deck by the pool. We didn’t put it up last summer because we thought we would be pushing to get the house on the market and wanted to save it for the new house. Since that isn’t happening right away, I think we’ll go ahead and do that when the weather clears up a bit. There’s still the bathroom to finish. And the drain at the bottom of the outdoor stairwell to enlarge and install a sump pump. And then the second bathroom and the wallpaper in the dining room needs to come off. The list goes on and on. I’m hoping when the pandemic eases and gathering restrictions are lifted, we can get the boys out here to help us get some of these big jobs completed.
\n\n\nAs I sit here in our home, safe and secure, and for all I know...healthy and virus free...I count my many blessings. As of this writing, no one I know is affected by the virus itself...just the inconvenience of isolation. I’ve been video chatting with the family. I pray a lot...every day. I limit myself to NBC Nightly News with Lester Holt...thirty minutes with an uplifting story at the end. It’s all I can take.
\n\n\nThe other night, when I was admittedly overdosing on news and watching every update, I was sitting here writing my post and all of a sudden, I just went numb. My hearing was muffled. My skin was tingling. My heart was pounding. I wasn’t necessarily frightened. I didn’t feel the surge of adrenalin like I usually feel if I’m having an anxiety reaction or panic attack. I felt detached...like a casual observer. My inner spirit told me what was happening. I was overwhelmed. I was grieving. I’ve been passively watching life as we’ve known it fall apart and it felt way too familiar. I closed my eyes and leaned back and listened to my body cry out to me for mercy. So, I talked back. I soothed my fear. I reminded myself that God is still here...He is always here. I concentrated on my breathing and feeling the air as it moved in and out of my nostrils. I reminded myself I was safe here. Nothing was happening to me in this moment. Mr. FixIt was safe, too. I reminded myself that, even though there are so many things going on right now that are out of my control, there are still many things I can do to feel more at ease.
\n\n\nWhen people tell you to just count your blessings, they aren’t necessarily trying to be dismissive of your fear. I have found the action of actually counting my blessing to be soothing. Directing your thoughts to something in the here and now can get you off the runaway train of fear. Looking around the room and naming five things. Closing your eyes and counting five sounds...five smells...five textures can bring you down off the ledge of anxiety. As I went through this exercise, I could feel the numbness leave and my heart rate slowed down. My hearing came back clear and I was fine.
\n\n\nI may have to talk myself down off the ledge any number of times in the coming weeks. I don’t know. What I do know is...we are ok. We are safe. We are here. And, we are planning a garden for when the brighter days come.
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2020-03-28T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/03/28/day-when-it-rains-it.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Hope","West Virginia","Growth","Gratitude","Wisdom","Humbled","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/03/18/keeping-our-distance-day.html", "title": "Keeping our Distance: Day 2", "content_html": "\n“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you.”
\nIsaiah 43:2 ESV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/c5f24f5d55.jpg\")
Honestly, our life here at The Ponderosa BCV (before Coronavirus) and ACV (after Coronavirus) isn’t that much different. That’s mainly because we are retired. I think we are affected more by Mr. FixIt’s continued recovery from his stroke than we are the global pandemic. We have been taking turns making breakfast. (He makes the BEST oats!)
\n\n\nUp until late afternoon, West Virginia was official the only state without a confirmed case of COVID-19. Governor Justice announce there has been on confirmed case over in the Eastern Panhandle. However, I have a friend from high school...a retired nurse. She says her son and daughter-in-law tested positive last week in Morgantown and it was never reported. So, who knows what’s really going on.
\n\n\nWest Virginia runs 50th in so many things, it looks like we are running 50th in the number of tests being performed as well. You know it has to be here. All we can to is practice good hygiene and social distancing.
\n\n\nThe garage called today and my truck was ready so we went to pick it up. While it took the guy a week-and-a-half to finish, it cost a third of what it would have at the dealership.
\n\n\nWe watched the news together, but only to hear if there are more directives. I baked a pie with some blackberries from the freezer and made a casserole of pork roast, veggies and noodles. We are determined to eat through all the fresh stuff before it goes bad so we don’t waste a thing.
\n\n\nAfter dessert, I excused myself to write my post. I sat and thought about what we should talk about tonight. Yesterday was St. Patrick’s Day. Mr. Virgo loved St. Patrick’s Day. Just about every year, I had to go buy green food coloring at the last minute so the bar could serve green beer. These memories make me smile. However, Mr. Virgo was buried the day before St. Patrick’s Day. And that always makes me think.
\n\n\nHe warned me before he died that bad things were going to start happening in this country. Things with politics, finances, and health. He said it felt like a rubber band was drawing too tight or like a balloon being overfilled. I don’t know if he had a premonition, or if it was just his love of history and world events that spurred him, but he was constantly telling me to be prepared.
\n\n\nI wanted to believe him, but it seemed so fantastical at the time. Still, his warnings have never left me and I do find myself more prepared than I might have been before. I have friends who have lost spouses in the last year....two in the last week. When I think back over the months after losing Mr. Virgo...it was so terribly difficult to cope. And that was in a stable world. I cannot imagine what these people are going through without their person. To try to navigate this AND actively grieve is an unbearable thought.
\n\n\nIt doesn’t just take a death to trigger grief. You may be grieving the loss of security the COVID-19 virus is bringing to our lives. When things happen beyond our control, it can trigger grief reactions and PTSD. When I begin to feel frightened, I change my focus back to God and remind myself...no matter what happens here, He will never leave me. Even with that, I walk around with a little knot in the pit of my stomach. I take all the unknowns that I have no control over and put them in the God box and set outside the front door.
\n\n\nAll in all, we are doing just fine. We’re just taking it one day at a time.
\n\n\nSo, how are things with you in your world. Are you feeling ok? What are you doing with your time? How have things changed for you in the last couple of weeks? Let me hear from you...tell me how you're doing.
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2020-03-18T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/03/18/keeping-our-distance-day.html", "tags": ["Faith","Health","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","West Virginia","Growth","Gratitude","Wisdom","Fear","Courage","Choices","Change","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/03/14/stroke-of-luck-or-gift.html", "title": "Stroke of Luck or Gift From Above?", "content_html": "\n“Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.”
\nPhilippians 2:4 ESV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/06aaeebe5a.jpg\")
As I sat in bed the other night with my little lap desk and my iPad typing this, I had the windows open. At 9:00pm it was still in the mid-60’s and the peepers were calling from the ditch by the road that borders our property. The house was quiet...my husband was off bowling with his buddies. On his own. We have slowly increased his independence and he’s started driving a little. It is a great relief for him to return to some normalcy. It is a great relief to me that he can.
\n\n\nI saw this meme the other day, and as is my wont, saved it for a future post. I am always looking for something that triggers a good story. This one reminds me of a prayer I prayed fervently for three years after Hubby #2 and I split up. That was such a convoluted mess. There were so many factors that went into the way that whole thing came down. Long term depression. An over abundance of far-too-available medications. A psychiatrist who was a really nice guy, but not a great doctor. Two people who were emotionally unavailable for vastly different reasons. Like I said, it was a mess.
\n\n\nWhen we finally extricated ourselves from this dreadful dance and got some distance, I went on a crusade to “win him back...no matter what it took.” Let’s just say, that was not the healthiest decision I ever made but it was what I desperately wanted at the time. I prayed this prayer every day.
\n\n\n“God, please! Fix my family!”
\n\n\nOver and over I prayed these five words. I’d get hopeful, then my hopes were dashed. Finally, after three-and-a-half years...I let go and moved on. It was a slow and arduous process and not one without pratfalls. But eventually I found my balance and began to love myself and my life. Then Mr. Virgo came along.
\n\n\nAnd, just like that it seemed...he was gone.
\n\n\nHis untimely and sudden death drew my closest family and friends around me to offer solace and comfort. I remember gathering for a family celebration and Hubby #2 was there with his wife. We were alone in the kitchen. I think we were having tea.
\n\n\n“Isn’t it a shame that it took the death of your husband to heal our family?”
\n\n\nI was stunned and at a loss for words. In that moment, it occurred to me...God answered that fervent prayer perfectly. He did it His way...in HIS time. It wasn’t at all how I thought I wanted it at the time I prayed that prayer. But it turned out exactly how it was meant to be.
\n\n\nI don’t believe in “luck”. I believe in God winks...moments when it is (or becomes) clear there is divine intervention involved in the circumstances of our lives. Honestly, if I had continued in the direction I was heading and stayed with Hubby #2, I am positive you and I wouldn’t be sitting here together today. You would be reading someone else’s words and I’d be pushing up daisies.
\n\n\nAs it turns out, I was not meant to be in that marriage anymore. I was meant to run across Mr. Virgo and have that time with him to grow more...into who I was born to be. I cannot say I was meant to lose him. I can say it was his time to go. There is nothing good in that kind of loss. But I would be lying if I didn’t say there were gems in those flames. Flashes of insight. Inspiration and the courage to write. I developed a much closer relationship with God. And Mr. FixIt and I crossed paths again.
\n\n\nLife is a funny thing. We are brought here for a specific purpose...each with his or her own special gifts. I am convinced my purpose in life is to use my writing to help others and lift them up. I believe our primary purpose here as humans is to learn to love like Jesus does. The tapestry that is created from all the colorful threads of life is a wonder to behold. Looking back at it from the far side is a marvel to my eyes. I hope that, when I am gone, these hundreds of thousands of words I have written will still be of some comfort to others...to my family, to my friends, and to those who walk through fire in this life and come out the other side, forged by the flames into something powerful and glorious. And, if not glorious...then at least left standing to carry on another day.
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2020-03-14T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/03/14/stroke-of-luck-or-gift.html", "tags": ["Grief","Growth","Gratitude","Aging","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/03/12/remembrance-day-v.html", "title": "Remembrance Day v.7.0", "content_html": "\n“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you.”
\nIsaiah 43:2 ESV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/81a7ffd661.jpg\")
It’s been a long time since I’ve seen a picture of Mr. Virgo that I haven’t seen before. He was always the one behind the camera and didn’t really care to be in the limelight. One of our friends sent me the photo above earlier this week. She was the Human Resources Director at the Hotel Jerome in Aspen and was responsible for Mr. Virgo getting that job. Which, in turn, brought him to my geographical area. And, into the local “dating pool”. We met on an online dating site. I would say, “If it hadn’t been for her”...but I know who really lined us up and crossed our paths. It was a God thing.
\n\n\nWhen our friend left the Jerome, the staff made her a memory book, took everyone’s photos, then had them write a note. She texted it to me a couple of days ago. There was that element of surprise when I opened the text. I didn’t expect to see his handsome face looking back at me...that bright smile beaming. My instant response was tears welling up, rapidly followed with a warm smile.
\n\n\n“Well, hello there!” I thought. “Fancy seeing you here today.”
\n\n\nI smiled back at that sweet face. Sometimes, in the busyness of this new life, I forget what he looked like. Well, not really...but he doesn’t sit in the front row anymore. He doesn’t quite fade into the crowd either. He is perpetually in the wings...my Guardian Angel...watching over me and Mr. FixIt. I know in my heart of hearts that he is so happy for me. I know he is proud of me for putting this life together.
\n\n\nSeven years gone. I only had him in my life for seven-and-a-half years to begin with. He’s been gone almost as long as I had him. It’s weird. Sometimes it feels like he was just a dream. But he was very real. My heart has healed a great deal in the seven years since Mr. Virgo died. I didn’t ever “get over him”. I learned how to carry his memory with me into this new life. He will be forever sixty-two. And here I am, rapidly approaching sixty-seven. I will age and move on and he will always look like he does in this picture. Handsome, healthy, happy, content. It makes me smile to know I had something to do with that.
\n\n\nThanks for dropping in to see me this week, dear one. It’s been a while since you’ve said hello.
\n\n\nIt’s probably for the best.
\n\n\nBut, oh...I enjoyed the visit.
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2020-03-12T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/03/12/remembrance-day-v.html", "tags": ["Grief","Growth","Comfort","Courage","Aging"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/02/27/grief-ghosting-things-that-might.html", "title": "Grief Ghosting: 7 Things That Might Help You Feel Better", "content_html": "\n“Are they not all ministering spirits sent out to serve for the sake of those who are to inherit salvation?”
\nHebrews 1:14 ESV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/4ddbfa8733.jpg\")
Ghosting. It’s really more of a millennial term used when a less than mature individual chooses to end a relationship by simply ceasing all contact with the person they were dating. SO 8th grade. Unfortunately, it also adequately describes what happens when widow(er)s find the people they thought they could count on suddenly nowhere to be found. It’s a thing. It happened to me and I’m sure, grieving or not, it’s happened to you at some point.
\n\n\nThe first time I experienced grief ghosting was when I was going through the divorce from Hubby #2. Someone I thought was my absolute bedrock forever and ever BFF just...disappeared. I will have to give her credit for eventually telling me she “chose to surround herself with healthy people so she could no longer be my best friend” so I guess she didn’t totally ghost me. But it was pretty devastating.
\n\n\nIn the interest of owning my own “stuff”, I wasn’t being the best of friends to her either. I was seeking information about my estranged husband and calling her about a gazillion times a day after essentially “ghosting” HER as a result of a long term depression. I just kind of popped back in when I came out of it. Like my husband...she had moved on.
\n\n\nI’ve heard from so many people who have been grief ghosted. Whether it’s their siblings or their friends or even their own kids, being “abandoned” in our time of need is pretty darned brutal. It is so easy to get caught up in hurt feelings and angry retribution in times like that. Here are some ways I helped myself get through the secondary grief that came when I was ghosted.
\n\n\nMaking new friends isn’t easy, but there are so many ways to do so...even if you can’t get out of the house. Facebook can be a thorn in my side, but there’s a group for everything there. And I’ve found a ton of support on Twitter in a relatively short amount of time. Grief Ghosting isn’t a pleasant experience to be sure. But, fortunately, there are things that can help you work your way through it.
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2020-02-27T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/02/27/grief-ghosting-things-that-might.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Forgiveness","Choices"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/01/29/dear-reporterplease-dont-ask.html", "title": "Dear Reporter...Please Don’t Ask", "content_html": "\n“For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
\nRomans 8:38-39 NIV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/f55ca09188.jpg\")
I try to check in on my social media platforms at least once a day. Sometimes it is to answer questions or to acknowledge comments with a “❤️”. But, often it’s to check in on my own support systems. I have found a wonderfully loving and supportive grief community on Twitter, believe it or not. Something about Twitter’s 280 character limit keeps things short and to the point...little soundbites...little nuggets of truth from people who have been there, done that and are still upright.
\n\n\nI try not to get caught up in chasing rabbits when I check in because I could get lost in a serious time suck if I did. Then, there are times when something I come across really needs fleshing out. It came in the form of a telephone interview with Matt Mauser whose wife Christina was killed Sunday in the helicopter crash.
\n\n\nChristina was hand picked by Kobe to be the defense coach for Team Mamba, his own daughter’s basketball team. She was onboard and heading to a basketball game when the helicopter crashed killing all aboard. Matt and Christina have three children ages 11, 9, and 3.
\n\n\nAs Matt Mauser sat on the phone, waiting for the interviewer to do the lead-in, he was trying to maintain his composure, but as soon as he heard them speak his wife’s name, the tears threatened to spill over and you could hear his voice shake with emotion. As I listened, I thought to myself... “This can’t be good for him. This is going to be so, so hard.” It was. I couldn’t listen for long because after he fumbled around trying to put words together and express his feelings about raising three kids without a mom, the interviewer chimed in.
\n\n\nShe tried to commiserate. “There are no words, really” she said.
\n\n\n“Well, there are a lot of four-letter words I’d like to say right now, but I won’t.” He let out a nervous laugh.
\n\n\nThe interviewer took a breath.
\n\n\nShe was struggling to find her own words, when she blurted out that stupid, insensitive, AWFUL question every reporter asks someone who has just lost someone.
\n\n\n“So...how DO you feel? Do you feel angry?”
\n\n\nHow are you supposed to answer that? And why on earth would you even ask that question? Unless you are not human and have no sense of compassion, don’t you think you could at least make the assumption that he feels_____________. Everything. Fill in the blank. Anger. Disbelief. Intense sadness. Devastation. Confusion. Fear. Pain.
\n\n\nI hate it when they do this. I cannot see any sense in it whatsoever. It’s no different than going on the news and showing dead bodies covered in bloody sheets with shoeless feet sticking out from underneath. It can’t do anything but add to the trauma the loved ones are already experiencing.
\n\n\nIt was hard enough to go through the loss of Mr. Virgo without being in the spotlight. Yes...having this outlet, this blog was a saving grace many, many times. You were my sounding board, my support system, my cheerleaders, my mentors. But talking here about grief was one of the only places I could control the conversation. Grieving in the limelight adds a whole deeper dimension to the experience, I would think. Millions of eyes are upon you. And the interviewer asks the worst question...ever.
\n\n\nHow do you feel?
\n\n\nI think I would go on a five minute rant...waving my arms, spit flying, and tell the interviewer just exactly what it felt like. Then again...maybe that’s what they want. The drama. I don’t know. I think in this case, when I listened to the interviewer leading up to the question...I think she genuinely WAS at a loss for words and fell back on the old standby question to fill dead air space. At least, I would like to think it was that and not that she was just morbidly curious and wanted the sound bite.
\n\n\nHere’s a suggestion. How about we leave the bereaved the heck alone and let them try to absorb this experience and cope as best they can instead of eviscerating them on live television? How about if we make the family off-limits...you know, out of respect. That’s a start.
\n\n\n?
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2020-01-29T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/01/29/dear-reporterplease-dont-ask.html", "tags": ["Grief","Wisdom","Warning"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/01/28/celebrity-loss-is-still-loss.html", "title": "Celebrity Loss is Still Loss Because Grief is Still Grief", "content_html": "\n“Ruthless witnesses come forward; they question me on things I know nothing about. They repay me evil for good and leave me like one bereaved.”
\nPsalms 35:11-12 NIV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/37facac93c.jpg\")
Photo Credit: CBS News
I’ve taken a couple of days to process the helicopter crash that took the lives of nine beautiful souls on Sunday. We lose celebrities all the time. Princess Di. Michael Jackson. Prince. Whitney. Robin Williams. They all strike us in some way.
\n\n\nKobe was an icon. Whether you liked him because of his prowess on the court or disliked him because of what allegedly happened in Colorado 17 years ago...his name and reputation are large and his loss will be felt by many for years to come.
\n\n\nThat’s not what I needed to process, though. He left with his beautiful 13-year-old daughter...a rising basketball star in her own right. He left along with other moms and dads and kids and a coach and pilot. And while we pray they didn’t suffer in their last moments, they have left behind a wide swath of devastation that may never, ever be overcome. They left their families behind.
\n\n\nI know from firsthand experience what a snatch death is like. ANY death is hard to take...ANY loss. I am not comparing. But to brutally lose someone in a fiery crash when an hour earlier they were perfect and beautiful and happy and healthy and you hugged them goodbye is...unimaginable.
\n\n\nVanessa Bryant and her husband brought four beautiful girls into this world. Celebrity or not...wealthy or not...it doesn’t matter. She is now a widow and to top it off, she lost one of her babies. She is a member of a club she never, ever asked for. She is left to raise three daughters...ages 17, 3, and 7 months.
\n\n\nSomeone lost their mom. Someone lost their dad. Someone lost their...everything.
\n\n\nIt takes time to process that and just because it did not happen to you and you did not know them personally, something like this can shake you up and stir those old familiar grief waves. If this has happened to you, please don’t think there is something wrong with you. It’s normal to be hypersensitive to these kinds of things after loss.
\n\n\nBe gentle with yourself. And send up lots of prayers for those coming up behind us.
\n\n\n?
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2020-01-28T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/01/28/celebrity-loss-is-still-loss.html", "tags": ["Grief","Prayer","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/01/20/chasing-away-the-monster-of.html", "title": "Chasing Away the Monster of Grief", "content_html": "\n“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”
\nPsalms 34:18 NIV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/ca02d67af3.jpg\")
James Blunt is a 45-year-old English singer/songwriter who has sold over 11 million albums since his rise to fame with the hit single “You’re Beautiful”. His heartfelt, passionate voice lends itself well to the emotional ballads he is known for and there’s none more emotional than his recent release... “Monsters”.
\n\n\nWritten for his ailing father, Blunt stares into the camera in an extreme closeup while fighting back tears as he sings. It is a portrait of a man suffering from the anticipatory grief that comes knowing a loved one’s death, while perhaps not imminent, is certainly forthcoming. One cannot help but feel the pain of such a great loss as the one the artist is anticipating.
\n\n\nI did not know anticipatory grief personally. Mr. Virgo’s was a snatch death...sudden, unexpected yet not entirely out of the realm of probabilities given his lifestyle. Still, his death was not on my radar. I have watched people I love very much lose their person to a chronic, devastating illness and that journey seems unbearable. I have often said, if he had to die, I’m grateful it was not a lingering death and was relatively painless to this man I loved so.
\n\n\nSongs like “Monsters” as well as open and frank conversations about death, dying, and grief seem as though they are changing the landscape of our society. When death becomes as easily discussed as birth and life, the bereaved will become better supported. When we are able to help others without trying to fix them, we will have come a long way toward normalizing the grieving process.
\n\n\nI don’t know about you, but when I was actively grieving, I needed to get those tears OUT and after a while, they were harder to come by. I still felt they were there, and I knew if I could just cry I would feel a whole lot better. So, I had a “Grief Playlist” comprised of songs that were sure to elicit tears. The same went for certain photographs or places. They were in my grief toolbox.
\n\n\nI don’t cry anymore. As a matter of fact, I can’t remember the last time I cried over Mr. Virgo’s death. But if I were deep in that raw, overwrought, emotionally naked time of grief...”Monsters” would certainly have been in my arsenal. It’s poignant and beautiful and gut wrenching all at once.
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2020-01-20T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/01/20/chasing-away-the-monster-of.html", "tags": ["Grief"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/01/19/immersion-therapy.html", "title": "Immersion Therapy", "content_html": "\n“Is anyone among you suffering? Let him pray. Is anyone cheerful? Let him sing praise.”
\nJames 5:13 ESV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/a30e6e0181.jpg\")
I have been totally consumed by the camping world this week. We are heading into the final push for the Charity Trailer Raffle, I was on the news, and I drove the camper into the mall and set it up for display. It’s clean and shiny and I’ve spent the last two days “camped out” in the mall, answering questions, showing it off, talking about Girl Campers and the HoldYou Foundation, and meeting tons of people. I was amazed I only saw two people at the mall that I actually know. Mr. FixIt, however, is a different story. He knows everyone, everywhere! He is a gregarious man.
\n\n\nWhen I was browsing Pinterest yesterday for inspiration, I stumbled upon an artist who caught my eye. Robert W. LaDuke paints in a mid-century modern, semi Art Deco style that not only intrigues me, but stirs something in me. Maybe it’s the fact that this ‘50s chick came from that mid-century modern era. His art gives off a sort of “Girl Camper meets Roger Rabbit” kinda vibe and I love it. He does a painting of a blue pickup truck I am particularly enamored with. I just had to share these campers he painted.
\n\n\nBecoming immersed in something, in and of itself, isn’t a real problem...unless you get carried away with it. I’ve been known in the past to get into something and work it hard till I totally burn out. As I have aged, one of the things that has changed for the better is my ability to set something aside and take a break when I need to. Hence, tomorrow we are heading out with family to do something fun that was part of our Christmas present.
\n\n\nTaking a break from things is always a good idea. Even when you are grieving, there are ways to give yourself tiny spaces away from the intensity. When Mr. Virgo died, my daughters were staying with me in the days leading up to the funeral, and we took a trip to Target. We went to the electronics section and bought an armload of funny movies on DVD. While I don’t remember which ones we watched, I do remember clearly sitting on the sofa in our living room with my two loves...laughing. It was therapeutic and cathartic and so necessary.
\n\n\nAs time passed, there were more opportunities for mirth...and there were sometimes fleeting feelings of guilt that accompanied them. I’d feel guilty for laughing and having fun when I was supposed to be overcome by grief. Then I learned that wasn’t true. There isn’t a rule book that says this is normal and that is not. You feel what you feel and it is human to feel joy...sometimes at the same time you feel deep pain. Grief is a confusing, crazy, deep place full of conflicting emotions...and it’s all ok.
\n\n\nThere came a time when I had to stop immersing myself in the pain part of grief and move into the flow of life. Grief became the undercurrent for a period of time, then it became the ripples in the pond. And now, it is almost always the reflection of a beautiful sunset on the still, calm water my life has become.
\n\n\nI don’t know why...I can’t quite articulate it...but Robert LaDuke’s art distills that whole process in my memory when I see his campers. There is a slight darkness that hangs over the paintings...as if you are looking through the haze of a faded memory. Whatever it is...they speak to me and I don’t always find that feeling in art. One may find it a bit sill to get that kind of reaction from paintings of campers, but it is very much appreciated when art makes me feel something.
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2020-01-19T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/01/19/immersion-therapy.html", "tags": ["Grief","Growth","Art"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/01/12/rainy-daya-windy-winter.html", "title": "Rainy Day...A Windy Winter", "content_html": "\n“He has filled them with skill to do every sort of work done by an engraver or by a designer or by an embroiderer in blue and purple and scarlet yarns and fine twined linen, or by a weaver—by any sort of workman or skilled designer.”
\nExodus 35:35 ESV\n
After living in my home state of West Virginia full time since 2016, I’ve begun to become familiar with the weather patterns. They are vastly different here than in Colorado. The forty years I lived there taught me to watch the far horizon for an oncoming storm. Here in West Virginia, we watch the light and listen for the sound of wind and rain in the surrounding woodlands.
\n\n\nThe sky gets very heavy and dark before a storm here, and the low lying cloud cover scuds along rapidly. When the trees are leafed out, the leaves will actually turn over as an indicator of a coming storm. Mr. FixIt and I decided to go to the park and walk yesterday. The forecast was for rain at 7-ish. Since it was only 4:00, we thought we had plenty of time to walk before the rain. On our way to the park, there were a few drops on the windshield. But, the closer we got to 4:30, the darker it got and there were bands of darker clouds that were so low, you felt you could touch them. I turned to Mr. FixIt.
\n\n\n“Those clouds look pretty ominous to me,” I said, eyeing the leaves beginning to skitter across the road in front of us.
\n\n\n“Well, maybe we’d better duck in the Dollar General for a bit.” He pulled into the parking lot and we made a dash for the door.
\n\n\nWe had a couple of things to pick up so we were wandering down one of the aisles when we heard a roar and the building vibrated a little. Suddenly, the lights went out and the skies opened with a fury. We were near the back of the store and we began hearing a roaring noise. The doors were blown wide open and wind blown rain was flying in. Suddenly, I remembered...I spent the afternoon out in the camper and I left the windows open! We made a dash back out to the truck and headed home. Fortunately, not much rain blew in and a little wiping up with a towel was all that was needed.
\n\n\nIf you don’t recognize the signs, a storm so easily catches you by surprise and overtakes you. We learn that in grief, as well. I follow a lot of widowed writers on social media. There’s one particular woman whose husband passed quite suddenly some time before Christmas. She is a sweet, funny woman with a very wry sense of humor. When I read her writing, I can almost feel exactly where she is in her grieving. She makes jokes. She keeps things light. She says she is doing fine. I’ve been watching and waiting...for the next wave.
\n\n\nWhen someone is floating through...slogging through...forcing one foot in front of the other and plastering on that “I’m fine” face, it doesn’t do a bit of good to tell them about the wave that’s coming. For one thing, she will not hear me. For another thing, she will not understand the intensity of what’s to come.
\n\n\n“It couldn’t possibly be as bad as what I’ve already been through, can it?”
\n\n\nYes, it can...worse even. But, do not lose hope with this. Because, if you face the pain, allow yourself to hear, feel, see, taste, touch every little part of it...healing begins. If you try to hold the river back with your bare hands...if you try to bale out the boat with a teaspoon, you can prolong things. At least, that is my experience.
\n\n\nThe only way out of any situation is through it. Be a keen observer. Watch for the weather changes. When you become a “meteorologist of grief”, you can detect the signs of an impending storm. And, just like a tornado, you can batten down the hatches and be more prepared for the onslaught...even when you live in a valley and can’t see the horizon.
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n“Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.\"”
\n\n\nDeuteronomy 31:6 ESV
\n\n", "date_published": "2020-01-12T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/01/12/rainy-daya-windy-winter.html", "tags": ["Grief","God"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/01/05/a-visit-from-a-little.html", "title": "A Visit From a Little Red Bird", "content_html": "\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/6e756d3ead.jpg\")
I’ve taken comfort from the bluebirds that visit me frequently. They started showing up when I sat by Mr. Virgo’s grave. And I don’t mean flying around me. I mean, coming to rest, three at a time on the open car door with an extra one on the side view mirror. Each time I visited the cemetery, more and more bluebirds arrived and they made my heart sing.
\n\n\nI still see them in West Virginia, but they are outnumbered by the bright red cardinals that visit me daily. Grandma always said when you see a cardinal, it’s a loved one in Heaven coming to tell you hello. The Bible says those who are in Heaven cannot see us. But God can do anything...even sending bluebirds and redbirds to remind you of loved ones passed.
\n\n\nThe other day, the thought occurred to me...we are entering a new decade. One in which Mr. Virgo did not live. While I no longer actively grieve over losing him, I still have poignant moments that remind me of him. One of the hardest things about time passing after his death was the sense of losing him all over again. Losing the memory of the sound of his voice, or the touch of his hand, or the twinkle in his eye.
\n\n\nThose memories are covered in a thick gauzy haze now, and every year away from that moment I lose more of him. Turning the page on a new decade kinda felt that way. I was sitting in the family room on New Year’s Eve, just contemplating the changes I have gone through over the last ten years, when something outside caught my eye.
\n\n\nIt was a cardinal.
\n\n\nAnd not just any cardinal. This little guy was trying to get my attention. He hopped back and forth, back and forth, stopping to look in the door at me. He’d go out of my line of vision and I thought he had given up...only to hop back in view. This went on for about twenty minutes. I smiled when I saw how insistent this little bird was.
\n\n\nIt was as if he were saying, “Hey! Look at me! Look! I’m here...I am always and forever here!!!”
\n\n\nI don’t know the answers to all of life’s mysteries, but I do know there are no coincidences. I gazed at the bird and I swear our eyes locked for a moment. I whispered a heartfelt “Thank You” and he was gone. A weight lifted and life moved on and I breathed just a little easier know Mr. Virgo is OK where he is.
\n\n\nAnd so am I.
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n“Give thanks to the Lord of lords: His love endures forever. to him who alone does great wonders, His love endures forever.”
\n\n\nPsalms 136:3-4 NIV
\n\n", "date_published": "2020-01-05T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/01/05/a-visit-from-a-little.html", "tags": ["Grief","Change","Be Joyful!"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/12/31/seeking-comfort-in-an-uncomfortable.html", "title": "Seeking Comfort in an Uncomfortable World", "content_html": "\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/307005306f.jpg\")
Well, dear ones...this is it. The last day of the year. The last day of a decade. And oh...what a time it has been. At the beginning of it, I was happily married to Mr. Virgo...living in Denver and not much liking that part, except for being in close proximity to my children. Not that I got to see them much. I was very focused on my husband and didn’t see past the end of my nose. A major regret.
\n\n\nThree years into this decade, my life stopped when Mr. Virgo died unexpectedly...and I set out to create a new life with a new me. I sold the only home I had ever owned on my own. I made some bad decisions...but I’ve also made some good ones. I’ve driven tens of thousands of miles. I settled into and lived in the home of my heart on a beautiful farm that’s been in my family for nearly ninety years.
\n\n\nI’ve connected with some really wonderful people, and reconnected with people I’ve known for a lifetime. I’ve written hundreds of thousands of words as I poured out my grief and my heart and my love into the ether sphere. I married a man I initially set eyes on when I was six years old.
\n\n\nI gained people. And...I lost people I loved dearly.
\n\n\nI totaled a truck and escaped with nothing worse than a small brain bleed that left me struggling to remember things for a couple of years, which filled me with fear. This last year, things finally started to fire on all cylinders in my poor noggin and I feel more like myself than I have in a very long time.
\n\n\nI’ve aged a hundred years in some ways. I’ve gotten much younger in others.
\n\n\nI got a cat. Well...she got me.
\n\n\nI gained a huge extended family and I’m now not only a grandma....I am a GREAT grandma to two little ones with a third one due any day now. I am a GiGi, to be exact. A Mom and a mother-in-law and a Nana and a GiGi. A sister and a friend and a wife. How cool is that?
\n\n\nI went to Church Sunday night and Pastor Justin asked us to think about who we were before we were saved. In that moment, I realized THAT’S what has been hovering in the back of my mind as I contemplate the end of this decade. Because it was the beginning of the previous decade when my life very nearly came to an end.
\n\n\nI let myself cry as the music wafted over me, the Holy Spirit covering...filling me with his Love. My life has moments of demarcation with lines in the sand marking the points between “before” and “after”. The overdose. My mom’s death. Finding Jesus. Meeting, then losing, Mr. Virgo.
\n\n\nFinding ME.
\n\n\nFinding love again.
\n\n\nMarrying a wonderful man.
\n\n\nAll while traveling. I get bored being in the same place too long. I need to seek new horizons from time to time. I need to get away and “blow off some stink” every once in a while. I need to recharge...away from everyone and everything I know. I need to go where no one knows me and rest in the anonymity that comes with the unfamiliar.
\n\n\nI get uncomfortable when I become too comfortable. When things start to get too predictable, I need to shake things up. I tried to count how many houses and apartments I’ve lived in during my lifetime and I lost track. I crave change. Thank goodness I’m married to a very understanding man. It makes me easier to live with, I think.
\n\n\nI don’t usually travel like I did this year...not since I was on the road with the camper after Mr. Virgo died. It was different this time. It was harder to be away from my sweetheart. Partly because I genuinely love being with him and partly because I’m older now and I have intimate experience with loss. Things have changed. There’s more to lose now. I’m not sure how much I’ll travel in the coming year...but I’m sure it won’t be quite like 2019.
\n\n\nWe’re heading out tonight for a family bowling party to ring in the New Year. I can’t remember the last time I bowled. I can’t remember the last time I was out past 10:00! I have to remind myself...I’m only 66. There will be plenty of time to lay down when I’m dead and gone, right?
\n\n\nMaybe I can take a nap before we go.
\n\n\nHappy New Year, my dear ones! If you are struggling, may 2020 bring you peace, prosperity, and good health. You are so loved.
\n\n\nThank you. Truly...thank you for being here all these years. I am eternally grateful for the connections I have made through this page.
\n\n\nBe blessed!
\n\n\nGinny
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n“Sing to the Lord a new song; sing to the Lord, all the earth. Sing to the Lord, praise his name; proclaim his salvation day after day. Declare his glory among the nations, his marvelous deeds among all peoples.”
\n\n\nPsalms 96:1-3 NIV
\n\n\n“Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.”
\n\n\nPsalms 90:12 NIV
\n\n\n“In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps.”
\n\n\nProverbs 16:9 NIV
\n\n", "date_published": "2019-12-31T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/12/31/seeking-comfort-in-an-uncomfortable.html", "tags": ["Family","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Positive Energy","Camping","The Grand Adventure","Fun","West Virginia","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Aging","Choices","Change","Be Joyful!","Widow","Marriage","Starting Over"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/12/30/when-im-gonean-ode-to.html", "title": "“When I’m Gone”...an Ode to a Decade", "content_html": "\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/03859a810b.jpg\")
I remember the way I felt when the calendar turned from 2013 to 2014. Somehow, in my grief addled mind, I thought it would make things better. It would create distance between Mr. Virgo’s death and....the present. I thought maybe there would be magical power in being able to say “He died LAST year”...as if that space and time would somehow fix this dreadful suffering I was mired in.
\n\n\nBut it didn’t.
\n\n\nThe New Year dawned and the same horrible ache I felt in my heart, the same sense of fear and uncertainty I felt, was still there like a burning coal I could not set down. I think that realization made it even worse because I knew in my heart the only way “out” was “through”. And I was so weary of the pain.
\n\n\nThis is the seventh New Year. I thank God in every way that He carried me through the hell that was acute grief. I thank Him for leading me at every turn and held my forehead all those sleepless nights when all I could do was cry and throw up. I thank Him for bringing me to an excellent grief counselor who listened and knew how to help me with the PTSD brought about by watching the valiant efforts to save Mr. Virgo’s life.
\n\n\nI thank Him for nudging me to pour my heart out on these pages and for giving me the words to do so. I thank Him for opening doors and giving me the courage to walk through them. I thank Him for blessing me with supportive and loving children and family who have stood by me every step of the way...even when I’ve been a pain in the caboose and they roll their eyes at some of my decisions.
\n\n\nAnd, I thank Him for bringing Mr. FixIt into my life, along with a great big bonus family to add to my brood. I am so blessed to have this life and will never take it for granted.
\n\n\nWhen I felt the winds of change blowing me in a new direction in my writing, a thought was formulating in the back of my mind that I couldn’t quite express. I was feeling a certain melancholy and couldn’t figure out why. What was the significance of this New Year over any other? Then, I saw this video and realized...I entered this decade with Mr. Virgo by my side...never dreaming he would be gone in such a short time.
\n\n\nIt’s a big deal to be turning the page on not just a New Year, but on a new decade. The last seven-ish years have been spent healing and growing and learning how to live without him. Then learning how to open my heart wide enough to accept MORE love instead of closing it off for good.
\n\n\nI’m entering new territory here...a decade Mr. Virgo will never experience. When this video popped up on my feed, I watched it and realized, it was released just before he died. It was an anthem I cried over. The lyrics slayed me and brought me much needed emotional release. As I rewatched it before I wrote this, the lyrics took on new meaning for me. In addition to the reminder of my past losses, there is another loss to contend with.
\n\n\nEver since I shared with you my desire to change my writing schedule here on my blog, you have shared with me what this space has meant to you along the way. I cannot close this door completely and just stop altogether. Because I still need this space as much as some of you have indicated you do. I’ve come to know and love you. I’ve cried with you, and prayed with you, and celebrated with you. I don’t know if I can ever express what joy you have brought me. What healing and comfort you shared that eased my broken heart.
\n\n\nWhen I thank God for all He has done for me in this last decade, I thank Him so much for YOU. For giving me this space where we could help each other heal. Lift each other up. To laugh and cry and live and learn with each other.
\n\n\nThank you. Thank you. Thank you.
\n\n\nFor being here and helping me through the worst of times.
\n\n\nAnd here we are...about to head into a new decade! What shall we learn? Where shall we go? What will God reveal to us in this mystical little place called Marshmallow Ranch?
\n\n\n“When I’m Gone” by Joey and Rory Feek
\n\n\nhttps://fbwat.ch/1V3CvhygTPjtgWSw
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n“ ‘Nevertheless, I will bring health and healing to it; I will heal my people and will let them enjoy abundant peace and security.”
\n\n\nJeremiah 33:6 NIV
\n\n", "date_published": "2019-12-30T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/12/30/when-im-gonean-ode-to.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Growth","God","Wisdom","Courage","Choices","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/12/26/it-was-a-white-christmassomewhere.html", "title": "It Was a White Christmas...Somewhere!", "content_html": "\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/1204f6c947.jpg\")
It wasn’t a White Christmas in West Virginia this year. And, honestly? That’s just fine with me. The “romance” of a White Christmas left me a long time ago when I lived in Colorado. The winter after Mr. Vigo died saw that snow shovel with just one name on it...mine! And I was none too happy about it, trust me. Still...if it only snowed once...at Christmas and then left, I’d be perfectly happy with that.
\n\n\nAs I was perusing Facebook yesterday, a friend of mine who lived not far from me in my old neighborhood posted a photo she took from her Christmas walk with the dogs. It shows the arch over the entrance to Highland Cemetery where Mr. Virgo is buried. And there was snow! Now, THAT made me smile. Because Mr. Virgo LOVED the snow. The fact that he had a White Christmas made my heart warm.
\n\n\nWe had a very quiet Christmas...just the two of us. Well, three...there’s little Pumpkin Kitty now. She and I snuggled for a few minutes on the couch this morning but she was happy to go back out and chase things outside. We had a pancake breakfast. Mr. FixIt baked the BEST peanut butter cookies with the Hershey’s Kisses on top. ***swoon*** I ate far too many of them! I baked a homemade chicken pot pie for supper. We watched Christmas movies and took naps and spoke to family on the phone. The weather was unseasonably warm in the high 50’s. It was a really nice day.
\n\n\nOur WV family Christmas is tomorrow night so today I start baking pies and cleaning house. When that is all done, I’d like to spend a little time over at the farm to end the year. I hope you all had a memorable holiday. If you were missing someone this year, my heart is with you. I know how difficult the holidays are when you are grieving. This was the seventh Christmas since Mr. Virgo died...and the sixteenth since my mom died...and I struggled a little more with this holiday season than the last couple. You just feel your feelings and move forward as best you can.
\n\n\nToday is Boxing Day in England as well as several other countries with original ties to Great Britain. This is the day when service people receive tips for jobs well done throughout the year. In some countries, like South Africa, vendors who do jobs for people actually come knocking on doors asking for a “Christmas Box”...a small monetary gratuity for services rendered. It is also a bank holiday and is the perfect excuse for extending Christmas as well as acknowledging folks who give us good service.
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n““A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.””
\n\n\nJohn 13:34-35 NIV
\n\n", "date_published": "2019-12-26T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/12/26/it-was-a-white-christmassomewhere.html", "tags": ["Family","Grief","Growth","Grace"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/12/24/christmas-the-camper-girl-camper.html", "title": "Christmas \u0026 The Camper - Girl Camper Moments", "content_html": "\n![\"santa](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/bea9f06da0.jpg\")
Here is a link to Girl Camper Moments...the branded series I write for the Girl Camper website. I share this story every year on Christmas Eve...as a reminder to me that, even though that first Christmas was so incredibly difficult, time passes and we accommodate ourselves to grief.
\n\n\nWe learn where the edges of that jagged hole are and how to avoid falling in \"ass over teakettle\". It took a lot of tears and prayers, and God carried me when I was too tired to walk. My prayer is always that you find hope through my stories.
\n\n\nIn this iteration of the tale, I elaborate on what I did after I had my \"Santa experience\". I know not all of you are camping enthusiasts, but I'm sure you all have a safe place where you feel comforted and can let down your guard. For me, that has always been my camper...my little sanctuary on wheels.
\n\n\nI hope you read and share the retelling of my first Christmas without Mr. Virgo. I hope it helps those whose hearts are broken during what was a joyous occasion before the loss.
\n\n\nGirl Camper Moments: Christmas & The Camper
\n\n", "date_published": "2019-12-24T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/12/24/christmas-the-camper-girl-camper.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Holiday","Girl Camper","Girl Campers","Change","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/12/21/seventh-christmas.html", "title": "Seventh Christmas", "content_html": "\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/cfc3664051.jpg\")
This is the seventh Christmas since Mr. Virgo died. I look back over the years and remember how each one felt.
\n\n\n2013: The loss was so profound the first Christmas. I was numb, empty, devoid of anything but pain.
\n\n\n2014: The second was equally painful but in a different way. I was awake...and he was STILL gone. And by then, I was living in West Virginia on the family farm and trying to help my aunt. I now know what she was going through was early stages of dementia, but at the time it was mean spirited and got ugly on Christmas Day when I was invited to leave. That was hard.
\n\n\n2015: The third was better. I flew to Colorado to be with my family and it was a welcome visit. I was beginning to catch my breath and develop a rhythm to my life and experience a great deal of personal growth. I don’t believe I cried that Christmas.
\n\n\n2016: The fourth was much, much better. I still had moments of sadness and reflection, but I had recently begun dating Mr. FixIt and there was a glimmer of hope rising. I found such comfort in our friendship and the possibilities of it developing into something deeper flitted around in the back of my mind. I struggled a little with “Where do I put the memories of Mr. Virgo if I start another relationship?”
\n\n\n2017: The fifth was great fun! My relationship with Mr. FixIt had solidified and we were sure we had found a life long love. There was a little mix of sadness because of losses in the family, which underscored the fragility of life. And we officially moved in together which started a year of uncanny sermons from our Pastor on NOT living together before you’re married.
\n\n\n2018: This brought us to the sixth Christmas...married! It was mind-blowing how far I had come, and we were over the moon!
\n\n\n2019: And now...here we are at the seventh Christmas. The number seven appears 735 times in the Bible. Seven is the foundation of God’s word. It’s the number of completeness and perfection. It isn’t lost on me that this is the time God has chosen for me to make changes in my writing schedule and turn my focus so I can accomplish other things as well as maintaining my presence here.
\n\n\nA lot has happened this year. I traveled four months out of this year. I had ample time for reflection. I’ve been able to package up a lot of things in my mind and store them neat and tidy because I don’t have to handle them every day anymore. This year I’ve felt more like myself, if that makes any sense to you. I wear this life now like my favorite comfortable sweater. It fits me. I no longer feel a disconnect between my heart and my mind and my feet. I’m standing where I was meant to stand...going where I’m meant to go.
\n\n\nThis is a comfortable place to be. It’s a relief. And, it’s still ever so slightly disconcerting because I have the very clear awareness that there is precious little space between “here” and “not here”. This Christmas is good. Real. Grounded. I’m in a relationship where I’m free to be exactly who I am, speak my mind, and not be afraid all the time. My “fear of abandonment issues” have largely disappeared. I am a body at rest.
\n\n\nAs I look at the picture above, I see two different women sharing the same space. This is the way grief is. Pain and heartbreak can exist in the same space as joy and happiness. This is the kind of thing I wanted to see and hear when I was that woman on the left. I so needed to hold onto hope and there were precious few sources for that in my life at the time. When I found myself lacking my own grief mentor, God whispered...
\n\n\n“That...go do that for others, dear one.” In so doing, I myself was the recipient of such healing and grace.
\n\n\nIt’s been quite the journey, to be sure.
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n“Dear friend, I pray that you may enjoy good health and that all may go well with you, even as your soul is getting along well.”
\n\n\n3 John 1:2 NIV
\n\n", "date_published": "2019-12-21T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/12/21/seventh-christmas.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Growth","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/12/18/big-loss-big-growth-big.html", "title": "Big Loss + Big Growth = Big Changes in 2020", "content_html": "\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/8cb02f304b.jpg\")
On March 12, 2013...my world as I knew it came crashing to an end. The future Mr. Virgo and I had planned ended right in front of me in the cold, sterile environment of a Colorado emergency room. Time stopped in that moment and I struggled to do the simplest of tasks...breathing was at the top of the list.
\n\n\nI ever so slowly dragged myself along the jagged shards of grief till I could accomplish simple things like personal hygiene, taking care of paperwork, and eating proper meals. Each tiny step seemed monumental and yet my focus was never much further than the end of my nose. But, hours became days, weeks, months. And finally...years.
\n\n\nWhen I look back on all of that now, I marvel that I survived. I also marvel at this new creation I have become. I am such a different version of myself than I was when Mr. Virgo was alive. I’m not at all sure he would like being married to the me I am now...although I have not a doubt that he would be ever so proud of what I have accomplished in a relatively short time.
\n\n\nRelatively short...if you can call seven Christmases without him “short”. Time is tricky. It seems like yesterday. It seems like eternity. Sometimes, it seems like a dream that I even had him. I’ve learned this is common and it was one of the hardest things to accept. It meant I was growing. Not forgetting...but growing into this new life that I find myself living.
\n\n\nAnd that’s where I’ve come to sit with you today...coffee in hand...to have a little chat. I’ve felt the winds of change whipping around my head for some time now. I’m not one to fear change. As a matter of fact, I embrace it. Good change, anyway. I find myself in a place now where I need to make some good changes. For me. For the people in my life whom I love and love me.
\n\n\nI’ve written every day...almost every single day...for 2,471 days. That’s 6 years, 9 months, and 5 days...in case you’re wondering. I’ve given everything to this project...this Grief Journal...the Documentary of an Ordinary Life. I’ve spoken from my heart with honesty and what I hope was with empathy and grace. And now...I find myself at a crossroads.
\n\n\nOn the day Mr. Virgo died, God threw a pebble in the lake of my life and the ripples have expanded in ever broadening circles...touchIng, crossing, blending with the circles of others. He brought me a companion in Mr. FixIt. With him, God brought me a large extended family that adds to my own in Colorado. More children, grandchildren, and now great grandchildren to love and care for.
\n\n\nHe crossed my path with Janine Pettit who has not only been a dear friend and mentor, but has opened my world to greater opportunities than I could have envisioned. God has answered my prayers when I asked him to “expand my territory”...my circle of influence...to give me even more opportunities to share how He has touched my life. And to share what wisdom I have been graced with.
\n\n\nThere are big projects in the works on a national level which require more and more of my attention. One of which is the new OH-WV Girl Camper Chapter that I share with my dear friend, Gail Bable. We write stories about camping, the things we’ve learned, our favorite picks (parks, equipment, etc.) and local finds. We are essentially Ambassadors for Ohio and West Virginia Tourism as it relates to women travelers...be it camping or otherwise. I also write a series for them called Girl Camper Moments.
\n\n\nThere’s my book, which sits waiting for me to get back to it and breathe life into it so it may be born out into the world. There’s a second book, and a third, and....you get my drift. There’s writing to be done and there are only so many hours in the day in which to do it. I have worked so long and hard on Marshmallow Ranch to let it devolve into anything less than the level of quality you have come to expect...and deserve. This is where the growing pains come in.
\n\n\nI have to make some changes.
\n\n\nIf I want to do what I feel God is calling me to do, then I have to learn to use my time wisely. Just as our finances belong to God and we must be good stewards of what He has entrusted us with, so too is the time He has graced us with in order to accomplish the purpose He has for us in this life. To that end, I have set up a “work schedule” for 2020. I will post here every Wednesday and every Sunday. I will continue “Sunday Evening Prayer Circle” as that has become such a moment of solace for me and for so many others I know. Then I can focus Friday on Girl Camper and turn the writing time I’ve been using into work time on the book.
\n\n\nI do hope you continue to follow along. It may take more work to find me. I'm not sure what Facebook will do to my algorithms if I don't post every day. I will post brief, encouraging photos and quotes frequently. I just won't be writing the long story posts every day we both have become accustomed to. I get as much...if not more...from my writing when I read your kind and encouraging comments. Your loyalty has not been lost on me and I am ever so grateful for all of you.
\n\n\nAnd now, it's.....
\n\n\n2020
\n\n\nIt's all about a new chapter.
\n\n\n20/20
\n\n\nIt’s all about vision.
\n\n\nWith much love and gratitude...
\n\n\nGinny
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n“The seed falling among the thorns refers to someone who hears the word, but the worries of this life and the deceitfulness of wealth choke the word, making it unfruitful. But the seed falling on good soil refers to someone who hears the word and understands it. This is the one who produces a crop, yielding a hundred, sixty or thirty times what was sown.””
\n\n\nMatthew 13:22-23 NIV
\n\n", "date_published": "2019-12-18T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/12/18/big-loss-big-growth-big.html", "tags": ["Uplifting Stories","Grief","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","God","Wisdom","Courage","Choices","Change","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/12/10/love-to-the-rescue.html", "title": "Love to the Rescue", "content_html": "![\"Friends\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/2ca326057b.jpg\")
“One of my besties! Deneene and her sidekick, Griffen the Grey, came for a visit. She’s good for what ails ya!”
I wrote in yesterday’s post about feeling “in the ditch”. I struggled for a few days with grief waves triggered by a traumatic loss in the family. Then, in swept my dear friend Deneene with lots of love and her trusty sidekick, Griffen the Grey. Griff is a nine month old French Bulldog who wriggled his way into my heart when we visited Deneene and her husband Mark in South Carolina this summer.
\nI had been greatly anticipating Deneene’s arrival for the last week and when she walk in the door, all the “holding it all in” released with her big bear hug. I had the gas stove in the family room fired up so it was nice and toasty. And I had the TV on with this really great ten hour YouTube fireplace video running in the background. We have a huge TV because the family room is huge. It used to be a two car garage, so if you want to read the fine print at the bottom of the screen, you need a big TV. When Deneene walked in, she said she could see the fire blazing from the road leading past our house. I was glad no one thought the house was on fire and called 911!
\nWe didn’t stay up too late and talk because my friend is a new grandma and had just spent a week at her daughter’s helping out with the new baby. She was pretty tired so we said goodnight early. Deneene is not a real morning person, so when Mr. FixIt and I woke up at 8:30, I told him to be really quiet so as not to wake her. I forgot that puppies get their mommies up really early and she had been waiting for US to get up and keeping Griffen quiet.
\nWhen I heard them talking in the family room, I quickly dressed and went into the kitchen to cook breakfast. Scratch biscuits with homemade sausage gravy and eggs. OMGosh! It’s been forever since I fixed that and it was SO good. I made Paula Deen’s Cream Biscuits. They are love in the palm of your hand. Look up the recipe. Super easy! And sausage gravy couldn’t be easier to make than mine. Fry a pound of sausage till browned, sprinkle about a third of a cup of flour over it and stir till combined then slowly pour enough milk over it to loosed it up, adding more milk as it cooks, stopping when you get the right consistency.
\nAs we sat and ooohed and ahhhed over the delicacy before us, we slathered butter and local orange blossom honey over the rest of the biscuits till there were just three left. I tucked them in a bag for Deneene to take with her to nibble on the road. Deneene raved over our hospitality and I told her it was the best B&B this side of the Mississippi…and it’s free!
\nWe said our WV goodbye. She announced she should be leaving. We told another story. She said she really should get going. We hugged and talked about when we would get to see one another again. She gathered up her things. I made sure she didn’t forget her biscuits. We walked to the door. We hugged again and declared it had been too long since the last visit and we shouldn’t wait so long next time. She double checked if she had everything. I asked if she needed a bottle of water for the road. She picked up her bags and we had another long hug at the door. As she walked through, we noticed she had set down the biscuits when she put on her coat so we retrieved them for her. If it hadn’t have been raining, we would have walked her to her truck and the goodbye would have lasted another fifteen to twenty minutes. Thus is the nature of goodbyes in the country. It’s a goodbye full of love!
\nI called after her, “Don’t forget to text when you get there!” If it was dusk, I would have said, “Watch for deer!” That’s West Virginian for “I love you!”
\nDeneene honked from the road as she drove by and I waved madly from the front window. And she was gone. My friend whom I helped through her own grief had come and returned the favor. I felt so much better after her visit. I have a big deadline to meet this week so after Deneene left, I packed up and went to the farm where I turned the TV to the same fireplace video. I survived another wave and I’m on to the next thing. Such is the nature of grief. It just gets incorporated into life and you move forward. Thank you for your support yesterday. You have no idea what that means to me. I wish everyone who grieves had cheerleaders like you to support them through their journey.
\n❤️
\n“My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you.”\n\n", "date_published": "2019-12-10T02:30:55-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/12/10/love-to-the-rescue.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Hope","Fun","West Virginia","The Farm","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Courage","Choices","Change","Be Joyful!","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/12/09/in-the-ditch.html", "title": "In the Ditch", "content_html": "John 15:12 NIV
![\"Waves](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/ada04f9744.jpg\")
“You never know what will trigger grief…I’m just grateful it doesn’t come nearly as often as it used to.”
Mr. FixIt called yesterday when he was on his way to our granddaughter’s baby shower. There was a wreck on our road. Someone had gone in the ditch, overcorrected, went across the road and ran into an abandoned house. I have to say, that road worries me. Whenever one of us goes to town without the other, we always text when we get there to alleviate the worry.
\nOne of my dearest friends in the whole world stopped at our house yesterday on her way home to South Carolina and spent the night. I was SO excited to see her. I met Deneene through Marshmallow Ranch a couple of years ago. She lost her husband about a year or so before we met and a mutual friend introduced her to my blog. Since she was local, I invited her out for coffee and it was one of those instant life long friendships forged on common ground.
\nBefore Deneene arrived, I baked an apple galette for a sweet treat. But, I have to say…my stomach has been in knots ever since I went to the viewing last Wednesday. I’ve been “in the ditch”. I’ve been to viewings and funerals since Mr. Virgo died. While none of them are easy, the only ones that really hit me hard are the “snatch deaths”…those sudden, unexpected deaths that snatch loved ones in an instant. It stirs up every bit of angst I thought I had put away long ago.
\nWhere I had been the comforter for Deneene when we first met…last night, she became mine. I poured out how fearful I become when a grief wave comes over me now. Fearful…because I tell myself I should be way past this. How can I tell Mr. FixIt about it? Will he walk away from me because he’s “had enough of this”? No, of course not. For one thing, it very rarely happens anymore. For another…he’s not that kind of guy. I should KNOW all this because this is what I do…I comfort others in their grief. I share stories of my own to let others know they aren’t alone. Yet, I tell myself…I should be over this by now, right?
\nMy sweet friend, so gentle and serene, calmly reminded me of what I told her back when we sat over coffee and shared our hearts for over four hours.
\n“There IS no timetable for grief…remember? There IS no rule book. YOU told me that.”
\nYes…indeed. I did tell her that. I tell you that, too. And, I tell you I’ll always speak to you with an open, honest heart and tell you the truth about this grief journey…even when it is uncomfortable or ugly or scary. Even when I’m happily, madly in love and remarried…I am not immune to the waves of grief that rear up against me on occasion. Of COURSE a loss that close to home stirred memories. Why wouldn’t it?
\nWas it a mistake to go to the viewing? I don’t know…maybe. However, I am so glad I was there to support those I love, even if it WAS hard. There are going to be hard things in life. I can’t avoid them.
\nIt’s ok to not be ok for a little bit. It won’t last forever. I’m not buying real estate…I’m just passing through. It’s the holidays and they can be rough for anyone. When I urge you to be gentle with yourselves, I don’t always take the same advice. I so appreciate my friend to remind me…it’s ok.
\n❤️
\n“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”\n\n", "date_published": "2019-12-09T02:30:08-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/12/09/in-the-ditch.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","God","Wisdom","Fear","Courage","Choices","Change","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/12/08/bucket-lists-miracles-making-memories.html", "title": "Bucket Lists \u0026 Miracles \u0026 Making Memories", "content_html": "Psalms 147:3 NIV
![\"Santa](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/e3f266091b.jpg\")
“When being Santa is on your bucket list…”
This is the time of year where Christmas is around every corner. The twinkling lights and bustling shops, the carols and the wonderful aromas wafting from the kitchen…they all bring up memories. And, while there is a plethora of “warm-fuzzy” memories, there are also sad painful memories that show up with the turn of the calendar and the darkening of the days.
\nChristmas was Mr. Virgo’s very favorite holiday. When he worked at the Hotel Jerome in Aspen, he was asked to play Santa one year. You would have thought he was stepping on stage at the Met. He was thrilled…not only to play the role, but to grow out his beard. You often are not allowed to have facial hair when you work in Food & Beverage. This was a treat, all the way around. I know what joy that brought him.
\nOne of my high school friends brought us some devastating news a while back. Her sweet brother, Ed Lowe, was diagnosed with cancer. When they did an in depth work up, they found out it had spread through his body. Ed is a pastor, and he knows where he will go when it is his time. He’s taking advantage of every treatment option and covets the prayers of anyone who will pray for a miracle with him.
\nWith his typical optimism, Ed has set out to work on his bucket list. With Christmas fast approaching, he put his wish out there….to be Santa in our hometown Christmas Parade! Phone calls were made and before you knew it, Ed was being fitted for his Santa suit and got to ride down Market Street on a float…waving and smiling and throwing candy to the children lining the parade route.
\nThese are the happy/sad stories we read about this time of year. This is a memory that will be cherished by so many people, no matter what the outcome of Ed’s health scare may be. I’m telling you this story because I love my friend, Janet. I love her fierce devotion to her brother. And, I am asking you to do something for us. Whenever you see Santa in the coming weeks, please send up a prayer for a special man of God who wants his own Christmas Miracle. Please pray for Ed Lowe…and all the others who need miracles, as well.
\n?❤️????❤️?
\n“Heal me, Lord, and I will be healed; save me and I will be saved, for you are the one I praise.”\n\n \n", "date_published": "2019-12-08T02:30:31-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/12/08/bucket-lists-miracles-making-memories.html", "tags": ["Faith","Health","Family","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Hope","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","Wisdom","Courage","Humbled","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/12/05/the-last-hour.html", "title": "The Last Hour", "content_html": "Jeremiah 17:14 NIV
![\"Black](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/9d50c9f127.jpg\")
“Pumpkin Kitty snoozing on her mama.”
We spent the day at home yesterday, watching the hearings, nibbling on Thanksgiving leftovers (namely PIE), and snuggling a healing kitten. She was spayed on Monday and she is doing very well, but she sleeps a lot. I’ve been trying to cuddle her in small doses to acclimate myself to her kitty allergens since she’s in the house for a couple of weeks. I can hold her like this for a while, then I have to hand her off to Mr. FixIt and go wash my face and hands. I have been coughing a little more, and my nose has been a little drippy, but nothing major. We’ll see how this goes. She is so sweet when she sleeps on me and goes all limp and warm.
\nAs the afternoon crept on, it got closer and closer to time to go to the funeral home. OMGosh! I was dreading it more and more with each passing hour. Finally, I told Mr. FixIt to go on without me and if I could, I’d follow along shortly. I needed a little time alone. Finally, I shook myself out of it, got dressed, and drove to town.
\nThis was just a viewing. They are not having a funeral. The family gathered at 4:00 to spend some time with the young man alone. Then the doors were open from 5-8 for the viewing. It was an open casket. We stood in line, we paid our respects to his mother, then went and sat with the family. We visited with people we don’t get to see very often. I was introduced to a few I hadn’t met yet. Then, we sat in quiet contemplation…as one does at such things.
\nIt didn’t take long for my mind to wander back to my own experience at Mr. Virgo’s viewing. My eyes stung as I watched the young man’s mother bravely greet people. A little laugh here…hugs and tears there…lots of deep breaths and sips of water. Boxes of tissues were shared. A chair was brought closer.
\nI looked at my watch. It was 7:00…the last hour. I remember the last hour as if it were yesterday. That’s when the reality hits home that…this is it. This is the last time you’ll see the face of your loved one this side of Heaven. I saw Mr. Virgo at the funeral home the night before the funeral, and I assumed I would see him again in the morning at the church. When I walked in, his casket was at the back of the church…closed with American flag draped over it. And I freaked out. I grabbed my daughter’s arm and said, “I get to see him again, don’t I???” She quickly went to the funeral director and they opened the casket so I could get that one last goodbye. It was brutal.
\nI turned to Mr. FixIt and said, “It’s the last hour. They do not need an audience. We need to go, now.” He didn’t question me…we got our coats, said our goodbyes to the kids and family and left. I can’t say it gets any easier to go to a viewing. But my experience gives me an empathy that I hope the bereaved can feel when I attend.
\n❤️
\n“Taking Jesus’ body, the two of them wrapped it, with the spices, in strips of linen. This was in accordance with Jewish burial customs.”\n\n", "date_published": "2019-12-05T02:30:14-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/12/05/the-last-hour.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Wisdom","Fear","Courage","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/12/04/grief-timestill-grief.html", "title": "Grief + Time...Still = Grief", "content_html": "John 19:40 NIV
![\"Grief](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/0987370dc3.jpg\")
“Grief plus time still equals grief. It’s just to varying degrees.”
It is said, “A burdened shared is lightened.” I have found this is usually the case. A heavy load is more easily carried when someone picks up the other end. Mr. FixIt picks up the other end of my grief much of the time. While it isn’t necessarily his job, he helps me through the worst times because he is my partner in all things.
\nThat being said, I totally get how blessed I am to have this man in my life and I know he would keep picking up that other end till the cows came home. All I have to do is ask. That’s precisely why I don’t a lot of the time. It’s a tough job to love a widow. It takes a strong man. I don’t want him to burn out and decide this is more than what he bargained for. Besides, at some point, I had to learn to let Jesus do the heavy lifting for me so I could work on the feelings in my heart.
\nIt has been 2,457 days since Mr. Virgo died. I’ve come light years since those early days when I had zero control over my emotions. I was a slave to the whims of my limbic system. If you go back and read my early writing, you’ll find many nights when I literally grabbed onto the side of the mattress and hung on for dear life. Waves of grief led to oceans of anxiety that threatened to drown me every night. I knew if I could just hang on till the sun came up, it would be better. Eventually, ever so slowly, inch by inch…things got better. That’s why, when I get hit now, it’s fairly predictable and fairly remarkable.
\nTriggers.
\nThere will always be triggers, no matter how long it’s been since your loss.
\nOn Sunday morning, when we got the call about the young man who was killed in the car accident, my heart started racing, my hands were sweating, and my mind started to race. I had my hands full with dinner in various stages of completion. And, while I am not close to the young man, he was close family through Mr. FixIt’s children and grandchildren. I felt it was important to keep moving and get food ready for everyone.
\nI did well all day. I was supportive and listened and hugged everyone. I even told my story about losing Mr. Virgo to the family members who didn’t know me then. But, when I went to bed, I was quickly overwhelmed. My grief comes out through my stomach and I was sick most of the night. Just as it was in the early days, if I’m going to have any trouble with grief, it’s going to be in the long dark hours of the night.
\nFortunately, I have come a long way since those early days. I have learned a lot of tricks to help me get through the rough stuff. I know how to divert my attention by getting up and doing something different rather than lay there in bed mulling things over. Still, there are times when it all catches up with me and I can’t do anything about it. Those are the times I take something for my nausea and anxiety, go into the spare bedroom so as to not disturb my husband. Then, I talk out loud to Jesus until I drift off to sleep. When I wake up the next day, I’m fine and ready to take on the world again.
\nTonight is the visitation. This will be hard. I will do my best to be there and support my bonus family and my husband. But I will not lie…this is not going to be easy for me. What I will tell myself all day tomorrow is…”If you think it’s hard to go to this, imagine his mother. His grandparents. His cousins. His friends. You can do this. It isn’t happening to YOU now.”
\nThat’s the thing you have to convince yourself. It isn’t happening to YOU. Because that’s where your mind takes you. Memory is a cruel mistress.
\n❤️
\n“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.”\n\n", "date_published": "2019-12-04T02:30:15-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/12/04/grief-timestill-grief.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","God","Wisdom","Fear","Courage","Aging","Choices","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/12/03/recovery-day.html", "title": "Recovery Day", "content_html": "John 14:27 NIV
![\"Christmas](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/9e70d90054.jpg\")
“Christmas Lights & Pie”
When all the food is put away…when all the dishes are done…when all the guests have said their last goodbye…what time is it? It’s time for PIE! Well, really…is there ever a BAD time for pie? We turned off the lights…all but the tree. And just enjoyed the quiet.
\nI took the kitten in bright and early to be spayed and immediately came home and slept three more hours. Working to put on a big family dinner takes the starch out of you. And it gets harder the older you get.
\nThe babies were so much fun. Princess First was in rare form, ate like a champ, colored brilliantly, and melted me with “Pweeze, Gigi!” I’m toast. Then there was Prince Second. Oy, he is a solid chunk of sheer joy. He smiles and coos and bats his big eyes at me. All I wanted to do all day was kiss and nibble on those cheeks…they are so delectable!
\nOnce the kitten was ready, I went to pick her up. They informed me she needs to stay in the house for the next ten days. You know what that means, don’t you? It means we now have an indoor cat. Bring me all the antihistamines in the land! It’s better, really. I worry about her outside with that road even though she was safe in the pole building every night. I also found out we can board her with our vet when we go out of town. So it was a win-win day.
\nNow I can turn my focus back to writing. The OH-WV Chapter page on the new Girl Camper website needs my attention every couple of weeks. There are presents to make. Cookies to bake. Calls to make. Cards to send. This will be a busy and quick month for all of us. Then we can start making all our camping plans for the New Year! There’s going to be some fun things happening on the east side…up and down the mid-Atlantic area so keep your eyes peeled for announcements!
\nKaty bar the door…all heck is gonna break loose around here!
\n❤️
\n“Put your outdoor work in order and get your fields ready; after that, build your house.”\n\n", "date_published": "2019-12-03T02:30:13-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/12/03/recovery-day.html", "tags": ["Faith","Travel","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Positive Energy","West Virginia","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Holiday","Wisdom","Girl Camper","Girl Campers","Choices","Change","Be Joyful!","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/12/02/operation-turkey-day-complete.html", "title": "Operation Turkey Day Complete", "content_html": "Proverbs 24:27 NIV
![\"‘70s](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/a546b1b66b.jpg\")
“Ohhhh….the food of the ‘70s. We thought it was SO elegant and sophisticated!”
Look at these foods of the ‘70s! OMGosh! Someone posted a bunch of these on my Facebook feed last week and I had to laugh. These are the kind of things my first mother-in-law would have called “tres elegante”. El-e-GAN-tay…four syllables. What is that banana thing with ham and some sort of sauce on it? Or the hot dog volcano? Or that clear gelatin mold with the canned vegetables lurking in it??? I wonder if years from now, people will look back at our meals of today and think “Ugh!”?
\nWe held our belated Thanksgiving Dinner yesterday. Cooking for a crowd is a multiple day affair and this year, everything came out perfectly. I cannot make stuffing to save my life, but this year it was moist and tasty. The brined turkey was succulent and flavorful. The roasted butternut squash was a surprising hit. We narrowly averted another fiasco with the sweet potatoes again this year. Last year, we forgot and left them in the oven. This year, I was going to cook them in the CrockPot. I had them out in the garage fridge and when Mr. FixIt brought all the food in this morning, they were inadvertently forgotten. Fortunately, I remembered in time to transfer them into a baking pan and popped them in the oven. They were perfect. The mashed potatoes were great and the gravy was the best! You just cant ruin green beans unless you burn them so they were fine. I wasn’t as impressed with the way I prepared the Brussels sprouts this year. I made a warm bacon dressing and tossed the chiffonade with crispy bacon bits, dried cranberries and the sweet and sour sauce till they were barely wilted. I think I should have cooked them another minute. The only thing we forgot to put out on the table this year was the cranberry sauce. It was left in the fridge. Have any of you frozen the sauce to use later? I hate to waste it.
\nThere was a pall over the festivities, though. There was a death in our daughter-in-law’s family and they could not attend. They are all in our prayers. After dinner, we sat with the rest of the kids and talked about how quickly death can come. We cautioned the young ones to drive safely. They think they are bulletproof. Perhaps something like this coming so close to home will help them remember to drive carefully. I just cover them with prayer all the time.
\nAnd just like that…it’s December.
\n❤️
\n““See that you do not despise one of these little ones. For I tell you that their angels in heaven always see the face of my Father in heaven.”\n\n", "date_published": "2019-12-02T02:30:57-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/12/02/operation-turkey-day-complete.html", "tags": ["Family","Grief","Gratitude","Warning","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/11/19/healing-and-scars-and-joy.html", "title": "Healing and Scars and Joy", "content_html": "Matthew 18:10 NIV
![\"Grief](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/04875913bf.jpg\")
“Although grief is never finished, healing can occur and you can use your scars to help others.”
Grief doesn’t run in a straight line. Anything but. We’d love to see the slow and steady climb from that deep, dark valley head right up the side of that mountain to joy. But, unfortunately…it just doesn’t happen that way. Grief runs all skwiggly-skwog…up and down, back and forth, around and around and around.
\nAt first you don’t think you are making any progress at all. You can’t feel anything but pain. You cant see two minutes in front of you. It’s a bloody wonder we survive at all. The world is dark. No color…no sound…and certainly no joy.
\nOne of the things people had the hardest time understanding in my early writing was the “gems in the flames”. I always looked for those gifts God left for me along my path as he led me through the fire. This wasn’t just a Pollyanna attempt to keep my glass half full. This was an exercise in faith knowing that…even in my darkest, most painful moments…my cup was still full to overflowing because Jesus was in that valley with me. Urging me on. Asking me to trust Him and just take one more step.
\nIt’s easy to have faith when things are looking good. When you’re standing on the mountaintop and you’re feeling great, you may even forget to thank God for carrying you through the muck. Or, you might throw a cursory “Thanks!” His way then think “I’ve got this!” No, it’s when you’re down at your lowest…when life is hard and painful and dirty and ugly…and you beg for God to catch you and bring you out of this that you lean in closest.
\nWhen you’re walking the road of grief and things hurt so bad and grieving tears your heart out of your chest, you may very well be tempted to take a shortcut. Circumvent the whole process, push that nasty wad of grief way, way down deep inside and slap a smile on your face. Because, let’s face it…that’s what the world is usually asking you to do. “Aren’t you over this yet?” “You just need to _____________” (fill in the blank with any of a zillion suggestions you receive). The sheer variety of platitudes is mind numbing.
\nOh, you can try to walk around it or climb under it, but one of these days, that bandage is going to come off and you’re going to have to face grief head on and it’s going to be ten times worse than it was before. At least, that’s what happened with me when I tried to date someone way…WAY too soon after Mr. Virgo died.
\nEven four years after Mr. Virgo died and I started dating Mr. Fixit, I was still pretty broken. Fortunately, he has a huge heart and an infinite amount of patience with me. He allowed me to talk it all through with him. He’s a great listener. Then one day, I didn’t feel compelled to talk about it as much and my heart truly started to heal.
\nMr. Virgo came along when I was in a really vulnerable place. I had gone through a particularly difficult and ugly breakup/divorce five years before. And still, for the first year, that man listened oh so patiently as I went though all the gory details and told him every sad and angry story. He saw the potential and he invested in our love.
\nBoth of these men love me with the white hot heat of the sun. Neither relationship would have ever worked had I not already worked through a lot of the pain of grief…both that of divorce and that of death. Those two men I dated between Mr. Virgo’s death and Mr. FixIt’s arrival though? Oy! I bled all over them from wounds they never caused. It wasn’t fair to them. I hate that I was blind and couldn’t see past my own need for a tourniquet.
\nFortunately, I did come to some understanding how unfair it was to another person to try to have a relationship too soon. That’s when I stopped trying to date and started a serious relationship with Jesus. Then…when I was in a much better place…I was ready to open my heart and try again. It isn’t easy. There’s nothing about grief that is easy. And if you are in the throes of it, you will not understand this, but…I’ve come to look at every situation with a level of Joy. Maybe not jump up and down happy-happy joy. But with the Joy of knowing I have a Father in Heaven who loves me and will never, ever leave me. I have Jesus to hang onto when I go through the worst of situations. THAT Joy….that Joy with a capital “J”.
\nThere is Joy in the scars because you have the opportunity to share your story with others. You have the opportunity to reach back to others coming behind you who are trying to find their footing in their pain. Your scars give you the freedom to love others. Your scars give you validity. They show others they aren’t alone. And when you can be there for another who hurts like you once hurt, you give the greatest gift possible. Empathy.
\nYou don’t have to have flowery words. You don’t have to offer Hallmark phrases. You can give a hug, sit quietly, or just be honest and say, “Whew…I don’t know what to say, but I’m here for you.” It’s isn’t easy to be there for someone who’s in pain, but it is so fulfilling to know you can somehow help another human being when they’re hurting.
\nBeing vulnerable. Being available. Being open and honest. That is where I find my Joy in grief.
\n❤️
\n“Lord my God, I called to you for help, and you healed me.”\n\n", "date_published": "2019-11-19T02:30:14-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/11/19/healing-and-scars-and-joy.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Positive Energy","Growth","God","Wisdom","Fear","Courage","Choices","Change","Be Joyful!","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/11/04/does-time-heal-all-wounds.html", "title": "Does Time Heal All Wounds?", "content_html": "Psalms 30:2 NIV
![\"Time\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/4c33d304c7.jpg\")
“Does time heal all my wounds? Not in my time…but in God’s time.”
I’ve been struggling a little with re-entry. The rhythm of the road is different than that at home and I always have a bit of a hard time adjusting. It’s a little like the let down after the holidays…you know, when you have to get back to reality. Not that it’s a bad thing. It’s just always a little sad when the party is over.
\nYesterday morning I woke up at what seemed like a reasonable time with the time change. As I stretched and thanked God for letting me open my eyes to face another day, I went through my morning inventory. I noticed I felt a little down so I searched around in my mind as to what might be going on beyond the normal re-entry slump.
\nThen it came back to me. I was having a dream when I awoke. In my dream, I was sitting at a desk, going through my calendar, and realized it had been over six-and-a-half years since I had spoken with Mr. Virgo. In the dream, he hadn’t died…I had just seemed to have lost contact with him. I was really confused, like…did I go someplace and forget him? Did I tell him I’d call him when I got there and then just…didn’t? If that was the case, then why hadn’t he tried to contact me? What on earth was keeping him so tied up that he couldn’t find the time to text or call me? Then, of course, I woke up. And reality is reality. He is gone. I am here and happily married to Mr. FixIt. So, why did I have such a dream?
\nThere aren’t answers to that, really. I believe it was Freud who said, “a cigar is sometimes just a cigar”. There’s no reason to psychoanalyze every little thing. We have dreams. Things happen. Life moves with its own rhythm. Still, dreams like that can stir something deeper and create a ripple in the force.
\nThe day went on and was lovely. Church, breakfast, errands, a nice Sunday afternoon snooze. Then, I went into the bedroom for something and had that old familiar urge to call my mom. I always called her on Sunday evenings. I miss those calls and it made my heart ache a little. Then I thought of my kids and how busy they are and they don’t call me on Sunday evenings and…
\nThat particular snowball had to stop right there. It doesn’t do any good to go down that road and make myself miserable over things I have no control over. There are wounds that heal with time. They become so small they don’t even leave a scar. There are wounds that heal and leave visible scars. Then there are those that not only have the scars, but also have varying degrees of pain. Like the phantom pain of a leg long gone or a throbbing knee when it rains.
\nGrief and time. I see them like those models of DNA. A twisted ladder, connected and spiraling. Never really finished. Never quite tangible. Always affected by our emotional temperature. No…time doesn’t heal all wounds. But, God does. When I remember to stop trying to handle hot coals with my bare hands and give them to my Father to carry, my wounds are bound up. It’s just the remembering to turn them over that trips me up every time.
\n❤️
\n“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”\n\n", "date_published": "2019-11-04T02:30:36-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/11/04/does-time-heal-all-wounds.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Growth","Comfort","Wisdom","Courage","Choices","Change","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/09/27/love-letters-from-beyond.html", "title": "Love Letters from Beyond", "content_html": "Psalms 147:3 NIV
![\"Love](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/0c336c8efc.jpg\")
“Leaving love notes behind for your spouse to find later…what a gift!”
My friends and I camped at Beaver Creek State Park last night. We so seldom get together, just the three of us and when we do it’s always so special. It’s always tempting to stay up really late and sleep in the next day, but Janine and I both had long drives home. We called it a night fairly early and were up and ready for coffee by 8:00. We chatted over a leisurely breakfast and prayed for each other before we finally broke camp by 11:00. I pulled in to the Ponderosa around 4:00, dropped off the camper, and turned right around to go back to town for small group. I’m not signed up for this session, but I wanted to visit and share in the fellowship with dear friends from church.
\nI was seated by a new member of the group. Jonna is a widow of two years. I put my hand on her arm and told her how sorry I was for her loss. We chatted about the similarities and differences between people’s grief experiences. She knew ahead of time that her husband was dying and she was thrilled they had time to have important conversations, no matter how uncomfortable they were.
\nJust before our meeting started, she leaned over and lowered her voice a little.
\n“Wanna know the BEST part?”
\nI was intrigued. I had never thought about “the best part” of grief.
\n“Yes….please!”
\n“My husband hid love notes for me everywhere! I’ve found over twenty of them already!”
\nMy heart melted. I remember finding a note Mr. Virgo had left me for Valentine’s day just a month before he died unexpectedly. I know how precious that is.
\n“I’m not going to go looking for them. If I find one, it’s a gift! I found one the other day in the file of Explanation of Benefits from the insurance!”
\nI leaned over to her and said, “I think that is just the sweetest thing!”
\nThat’s a good man, right there. He knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, what these little gifts would mean to the woman he had married thirty-eight years prior. Even when he was ill and in pain from the amputation of his leg, this gentle giant left his sweetheart love letters from beyond. Yes…that’s a very good man!
\n❤️
\n“Now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times and in every way. The Lord be with all of you.”\n\n", "date_published": "2019-09-27T01:30:20-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/09/27/love-letters-from-beyond.html", "tags": ["Family","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","West Virginia","Gratitude","Love","Wisdom","Choices","Change","Be Joyful!","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/09/15/the-really-really-big-show.html", "title": "The Really REALLY Big Show!", "content_html": "2 Thessalonians 3:16 NIV
![\"Women](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/ed8ac30958.jpg\")
“Janine, her BFF Carol, and me in front of the R Pod at the Hershey RV Show.”
Ok, so I thought Friday’s show was busy? Hokey Smokes!!! Yesterday was absolutely insane at the RV Show…but SO amazingly fun! Hundreds of people came and walked through the camper. Everyone loved the decor and if they didn’t…it was probably a guy. Guys don’t necessarily get the whole “decorate your camper” thing. That’s why most campers are varying themes of BROWN. I think a guy takes a look and says, “Yeah…that won’t show dirt. Use that!”
\nI do have to say, the folks at Forest River are stepping up their game in the new R Pod. The cabinets are a lovely shade of grey and the walls are off white. It is a perfect canvas on which to decorate in whatever style strikes your fancy. The light colors along with multiple large windows brings in an abundance of light which is exactly what I am looking for in a camper. I am going to switch the mattress out. I’ve never found an RV mattress that I found satisfactory. I am very choosy about my mattresses. I have an extra memory foam mattress at home so I’ll switch it out when I’m there next week.
\nJanine and I were so exhausted when we got back to our hotel room yesterday. We both took a long nap, then headed out for dinner. Our meal was ok. I was disappointed in my main course. I had pasta and meat sauce with Italian sausage. The sausage had been left in the skillet too long and was actually burnt. When the waitress took my plate, she asked if there was something wrong. I explained and she offered something different. By that time I was full from just the pasta and sauce and didn’t care for anything else.
\nPretty soon, the manage/owner came out to talk with me. He said he took my entree off the check. In the process of our discussion, I informed him I had a good understanding of what he was going through. I told him about Mr. Virgo working in the Food & Beverage industry all of his career. He lit up and we began a long discussion comparing notes of who worked where and when. This is something I always found fascinating with Mr. Virgo. No matter where we were, he could find someone who knew someone and there was always common ground. It made me smile.
\nI told him our story. I told him about going out to buy the camper and how he died while we were looking. I told him about buying the little camper and taking it out in the wilderness and backroads of Colorado. I told him about selling my house and buying the big camper and getting rid of 95% of my personal belongings. I told him about being on the road in the camper and writing about it and how I came to know Janine. Then, I told him the happy ending of the story…running into Mr. FixIt and how we are just about ready to celebrate our 1st Wedding Anniversary.
\nA happy ending. It’s never “The End” though…is it. Mr. Virgo died. But it wasn’t the end. It was the end of many things…but not of him. Or of me. There is always more story to be written…even when you cannot believe you can survive another moment after such a painful loss. Being away, doing something different, learning new things, expanding my territory. All these things offer a lovely perspective of life. I can’t think how my life could be any more perfect than what it is. I am so incredibly grateful. Telling my story gives me this gift every single time.
\n❤️
\n“Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.”\n\n \n", "date_published": "2019-09-15T01:30:02-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/09/15/the-really-really-big-show.html", "tags": ["Travel","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Strong Women","Positive Energy","Camping","Fun","Growth","Gratitude","goRVing","Wisdom","Humbled","Girl Camper","Girl Campers","Be Joyful!","Widow","Road Trip","Chasing the Sun - Girl Camper Road Trip"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/09/10/forever.html", "title": "Forever 62...", "content_html": "James 1:17 NIV
![\"Handsome](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/ec04ed0bbc.jpg\")
“Mr. Virgo…Forever 62…and still handsome as ever.”
Happy Heavenly Birthday, Mr. Virgo. You would have been sixty-nine today. Would you have been retired by now? Would we have pulled that camper all over the country? Would our golf game be any better? It’s hard to say, but my guess is…we would have been out hitting some balls today.
\nMy life is so different now…I do different things. I camp and write about it. I grieve and write about it. I got married again…and I write about it! Nothing is safe anymore…it’s all blog fodder. But in a good way.
\nI remember all the stages, all the phases, all the fear and pain and anger your loss caused me. I remember it all. At the same time, the edges are fuzzy. A little out of focus. The only words I can hear your voice say in my mind anymore is “I love you, baby doll.” I can picture your hands…your earlobes…your hair. It’s like I can see all the pieces of the puzzle but I cannot seem to piece them all together and put together a workable picture of you. Sometimes it’s frustrating. Sometimes its a Godsend.
\nAs I always tell my readers, the pain of grief is always much, much worse when I’m tired. Sunday night, I could not get to sleep. And the longer it went on, the more focused I became on being away. I knew I’d be tired. And I knew the waves could hit any minutes, even if you never crossed my mind.
\nI finally drifted off for about 20 minutes and woke up freezing. I turned off the fan, threw a blanket over me, and went to sleep for…maybe a half hour. This time, I woke up overheated, sweating profusely, and anxious/nauseated/jittery. I finally got up, turned the fan back on, and got sick.
\nGrief.
\nWaves of seemingly unending grief have dwindled to the rare bad night. Sunday night was it. I hate disturbing Mr. FixIt if I’m jumping up and down all night so I moved to the guest room, took something for my upset stomach, and finally slipped into a sound sleep for four or five hours. This is the way it works now. The fact that I am happily married doesn’t seem to phase it. We never “get over it”….but we do learn how to hold our grief with soft hands so as to not wake up the beast.
\nIt is your 69th. You are there with your mom and dad…and cousin-in-law Dennis…and now, your firstborn, Shannon. She has been with you for two years. I know you all are together and having a cigar on the back 9…watching the sunset.
\nI will always love you and remember you in so many ways. It’s funny how your shape in my life has changed over time. Each year you step a tiny bit further away. Your star shines a tiny bit less in my every day life…but you’re so much bigger in the grand moments. And still, every once it a while, a wave hits me and I have a bad night. Thank God, they are fewer and farther between.
\nSo…
\nHappy Birthday, Mr. Virgo!
\n❤️
\n“So also you have sorrow now, but I will see you again, and your hearts will rejoice, and no one will take your joy from you.”\n\n \n", "date_published": "2019-09-10T01:30:19-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/09/10/forever.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Growth","Gratitude","God","Peace","Wisdom","Fear","Courage","Aging","Choices","Change","Widow","Marriage","Starting Over"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/09/04/the-other-side-of-fear.html", "title": "The Other Side of Fear", "content_html": "John 16:22 ESV
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/36c271d072.jpg\")
“Everything you want is on the other side of fear.” Jack Canfield
I hear from a lot of widows who face fear as one of their most difficult symptoms of grief. Fear of the unknown…fear of being alone…fear of other people’s motives. Navigating grief is difficult enough on it’s own. Add fear, anxiety, and even full blown panic attacks and it ratchets grief up to an unbearable level.
\nI’ve always had a bit of an anxious nature. Anticipatory social anxiety. Commonly called “stage fright”. I’ve come a long way in learning to control it. Sometimes it bothers me. Sometimes it doesn’t. I’ve learned the things I most want to do lie on the other side of that fear, so I have to figure out ways to get through to the other side in order to find my bliss.
\nThe fear I felt early on after losing Mr. Virgo was different than my usual pre-speech jitters. It was hold-onto-the-edge-of-the-mattress-all-night awful. Through trial and error, I’ve learned a lot of skills…tools for my tool box, so to speak. If I feel myself amping up, one of the things that almost immediately calms me down is listening to praise music. If I’m singing at the top of my lungs, its really difficult to be scared.
\nI’ve had so many people tell me they would really love to take off camping or traveling by themselves but they are too scared. The bottom line any grief mentor should take is honoring what others are and are not capable of. That being said, if it really is something you want to do, there are ways you can ease into scary situations without jumping in with both feet.
\nFinding a like-minded friend to do things with can help a lot when it comes to doing new things. Taking little baby steps helps, as well. If your dream is to take a month long trip to Europe but you have panic attacks going to the grocery store, you need to desensitize yourself. Start with little excursions. A short day trip. Repeat till you’re comfortable. Then an overnight, then two…you get the idea. Getting professional help can go a long way toward building your confidence and getting down to the root of the issues you face.
\nWhen I was planning the trip to Colorado, my biggest concerns were the social obligations of my daughter’s wedding and being so far away from Mr. FixIt. Losing Mr. Virgo so suddenly brings the possibility of a repeat to the forefront of my imagination. So, yeah…that makes me nervous. The night before the trip, my stomach was in knots but I did my routine and the next morning, I was good to go. It’s not the actual DOING that bothers me…it’s the anticipation. And, sometimes I just have to do the thing and feel the fear.
\nI’m really excited about the opportunity to take this new camper around. There’s nothing about it that scares me, per se. I may have pre-trip jitters the night before. I may not. Knowing what it is, knowing how to redirect my thinking, knowing just what I need to do helps me feel less out of control and more confident in my own abilities.
\nWhat I want is often on the other side of fear, but that’s exactly what makes the experience so much richer. I know exactly what I had to get through to get there and that makes me brave! After all…so far, I have survived every single experience I’ve encountered in my life!
\n❤️
\n“Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.\"”\n\n", "date_published": "2019-09-04T01:30:51-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/09/04/the-other-side-of-fear.html", "tags": ["Faith","Health","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","God","Peace","Wisdom","Fear","Aging","Choices","Change","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/09/01/dining-alone.html", "title": "Dining Alone", "content_html": "Deuteronomy 31:6 ESV
![\"Dining](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/98b0114505.jpg\")
“Dining alone can be an intimidating experience when you are widowed.”
I saw her walk into the restaurant with the rest of us “early birds”. The waitress came up to her table and handed her a menu.
\n“Just one?”
\nI’m sure I’m the only one in the restaurant that saw the shadow of pain skitter across her face.
\n“Yes.”
\n“Really?”
\nsigh
\nI wanted to smack the perky waitress but decided at some point in the meal, this would become a teaching moment.
\nWhen we walked in, there were friends sitting in a booth near the front of the restaurant. They called to us to join them. The woman dining alone sat nearby. Our friends lost their son a couple of years ago. Eventually, our conversation included him…mentioning him by name, telling a funny story or two, comforting her and telling her at two years, it’s still ok to cry. It’s always ok to cry.
\nThe waitress came back to give us our check and I chose that moment to speak to the woman dining alone. We made direct eye contact.
\n“I remember the first time I went to a restaurant alone after my husband died.”
\nShe looked at me steadily. I recognized the sadness in her eyes. I sat there…many times.
\n“It doesn’t really help to be asked…’Oh…you’re alone?’ The first time I went to our favorite restaurant, I opened my iPad and pulled up my favorite picture of my husband and propped him up on the table so I didn’t feel so alone.”
\n“Yes…it’s really hard. Especially when someone comes up to you after a year and a half and asks ‘Where’s Paul?’”
\nThe waitress whirled around. It just dawned on her what had happened. She opened her mouth to say something and I quickly said, “It’s not your fault. You aren’t clairvoyant so you had no way of knowing.” But now she’ll be more aware the next time someone comes in unaccompanied.
\nAs we were leaving, I glanced over at the woman dining alone and gave her a long, knowing look and a gentle smile. She smiled back and waved.
\nGod moments. He gives us the people we need to help…and to help us.
\n❤️
\n“He defends the cause of the fatherless and the widow, and loves the foreigner residing among you, giving them food and clothing.”\n\n", "date_published": "2019-09-01T01:30:25-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/09/01/dining-alone.html", "tags": ["Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Positive Energy","Growth","Grace","God","Wisdom","Fear","Courage","Aging","Choices","Change","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/08/30/and-i-will-give-you.html", "title": "“...and I Will Give You Rest.”", "content_html": "Deuteronomy 10:18 NIV
![\"Broken\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/cedfd64030.jpg\")
“We can help broken people by touching base with a simple ? or ❤️…just to let them know you’re thinking of them.”
I have spoken with thousands of bereaved people in the last six plus years. I have heard story after story of loss and how their grief affects them. I have learned to keep healthy boundaries so that I don’t internalize the stories and let it affect my well being. This is something I learned in the beginning of my medical career and it’s a valuable tool.
\nWe all experience loss and grief in our lives. It seems to me, the older I get, the more of it there is to deal with. Just after I graduated from high school, I had my first experience with death. My Pop-Pop died of a heart attack when he was 72. The next year, a couple of friends from high school died together from carbon monoxide poisoning. News would come here and there…a neighbor passed, the daughter of a friend, an accident here, old age there.
\nLosing my mom was really hard as it was fairly sudden and, well…it was my MOM. My dad died four years later but the impact wasn’t as great because we never had a close relationship. Then…Mr. Virgo died and death changed its timbre. Death hit close and it hit hard and it hit home. I remember feeling…broken.
\nAnd now, there are people who are close to me who are suffering terrible, tragic things and I feel as helpless as anyone else. I want to help them. I want to hold them and say magic words that make it better. And I know…there ARE no magic words. The only thing I can do is touch base with them. Pray for them. Perhaps send them gift cards for things like gas or a meal. Uber Eats and other food delivery services can help a lot in times like this.
\nIf you are supporting someone whose world has been shattered by tragedy, there is one thing you have to remember to do and that’s take care of yourself. You can’t help anyone if you suffer your own burnout. It may seem selfish when people you love are in pain and you’re thinking of yourself. But believe me, it’s vitally important to practice self care.
\nWith that in mind, I seriously wanted to sleep in my camper last night but for a number of reasons, I couldn’t. I’m going to make a concerted effort to get out there tonight and have some TOW-Wanda Time. That is where I physically find the most peace and rest. And…it’s where I spend an awful lot of quality quiet time with Jesus so trailer time is good for me.
\nI took the truck to the Ford dealer yesterday and spent about three hours working on my camping itinerary for the upcoming trip. I made some reservations. I also found the kind of trip planner I’ve been looking for on the Good Sams page. There are lots of planners out there, but I was looking for one that lets me add and change stops and look for camping spots at the the same time. There are a lot of things to juggle with this trip.
\nI’m trying to focus on West Virginia while it is still warm enough to camp here. When it gets colder, I’ll follow the colors south. I found a map online that predicts when the colors will be at their peak in different areas. I think that will be helpful in my planning. The truck is in tip top shape. It has new tires. The mechanic said the brakes are barely worn and there are no leaks…the underside is really clean.
\nNow I need to go through the items I brought back from Colorado that were in my camper so I can figure out what I need to take and what can be put away. I leave two weeks from today. With all that’s going on with my loved ones, it’s hard to get excited about the trip. But, as one of my dearest friends told me earlier this week, my stories will be a distraction for her as she goes through her valley. I do hope they help.
\n❤️
\n“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”\n\n", "date_published": "2019-08-30T01:30:09-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/08/30/and-i-will-give-you.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","God","Wisdom","Fear","Courage","Change","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/08/29/grief-time-grief.html", "title": "GRIEF + TIME = grief", "content_html": "Matthew 11:28 NIV
![\"Grief](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/efad09dc8b.jpg\")
“Grief is a process that varies from person to person…but there are some general similarities.”
The other day I read a Tweet that stopped me in my tracks. A woman said she had cut her two best friends completely out of her life because in the entire year after her niece died, neither one of them bothered to check in with her. Her comment came after someone checked in…a full two years after her tragic loss. He texted her with a very simple message…
\n“I’m just checking in to see how you are coping after the death of your niece.”
\nSimple. To the point. And, so welcomed it brought her to tears.
\nIt prompted me to reflect. When was the last time I checked in with my friends who have lost loved ones? I get so wrapped up in my “work”, my “ministry”, with the bereaved, I forget to reach out and connect myself sometimes.
\nLast night I spent a good two hours writing quick texts to several of my peeps who had lost someone significant in the last couple of years. I heard back from them and the response was universal…”You have no idea what it means to have someone remember to ask how I’m doing!” “Thank you SO much for checking in…it means so much to me!” “My own kids don’t even want to listen!”
\nIt’s true…once a “reasonable amount of time” passes, people move on with their lives. And, unless they have been bereaved, they may not understand that you haven’t. I remember how I felt abandoned. Like no one cared anymore. That isn’t true, of course. They just don’t have a point of reference for the depth of your pain and…it would scare the crap out of them if they believed that depth of pain could possible last more than a few months.
\nThere is no way to compare your own experience with that of another. Your grief is different than my grief. And it doesn’t matter how your person died…your grief is the worst grief ever because it is your own. But truly, I’m here to tell you, there is some grief that I cannot begin to imagine. Like the mother whose son was murdered by terrorists and left to die on the roadside. Or the mother whose daughter was found dead three days after a heroin overdose. Or the wife who returned from the grocery store to find her husband dead on the back porch from a self-inflicted gunshot wound.
\nThere are so many stories in the work that I do. It breaks my heart into little pieces. And, it makes me think, “If he had to die, at least it wasn’t like that!” I find myself feeling grateful it was “only a heart attack.” I didn’t have to watch him slowly fade away from the ravages of cancer.
\nAs I talked to my friend whose son was killed a little over a year ago, I thought back over the years since Mr. Virgo died. And, while there isn’t some neat and tidy delineation from year to year, there is some general sense of first, second, third, etc.
\nThe first year is such a fog. You are numb. You are just trying to get the next thing done, the next paper filed, the next account closed. Closet? Check. Accounts? Check. Cellphone? Check. The first year becomes a blur…a cross between busy and madness.
\nThe second year can be surprisingly rough…like you are standing in high tide during a storm surge. Your footing shifts like the sand beneath you in the ocean. Each wave hitting you blindly, knocking you beneath the surface. And…you can’t swim. Not even close.
\nAt some point along the way…you hear it. A little snippet of music. A little bubble of laughter. A little glimmer of color peeking through a stormy sky. And that’s when the tides begin to shift a little. The waves not quite so hard. Or…maybe we’ve become better swimmers.
\nFor me, the third year gave me a little breathing room. It was a period of exploration and self-discovery. A time of reaching out and stretching beyond my past and stepping a bit more boldly into the future.
\nThe fourth, and beyond, found me building a boat to carry me over the waves till the next storm comes.
\nI listened intently to my friend sharing her grief. I asked questions. I resisted the urge to share my experiences except to say the occasional “Yes! I get that…I felt that, too!” It was amazingly comforting to me when I found others shared some of the same things I was experiencing. At some point in our conversation, she asked…
\n”How is your life?”
\n“I feel bad sharing how wonderful my life is when yours sucks so terribly,” I said.
\n“No…don’t ever feel bad about that! Your story gives me hope!”
\nAnd that…in a nutshell…is what keeps me going. It keeps me telling stories…even when you hurt…even when I hurt. Because life keeps going on around us whether our sense of time has stopped or whether death has taken the joy from our hearts. I write about Jesus and faith. I write about grief. I write about pain. I write about love and joy and rocking babies. I write about travel, and camping, and becoming strong. I write about farms and mowing and fried green tomatoes. I write about life and all it’s little bits…both good and bad.
\nBut mostly…I write about hope.
\n❤️
\n“You are my refuge and my shield; your word is my source of hope.”\n\n", "date_published": "2019-08-29T01:30:48-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/08/29/grief-time-grief.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Love","God","Wisdom","Fear","Courage","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/08/28/when-bad-things-happenlean-in.html", "title": "When Bad Things Happen...Lean In Closer", "content_html": "Psalms 119:114 NLT
![\"Prayers\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/061a136b6d.jpg\")
“Thank you so much for all of your prayers. I am so grateful.”
Since June, there has been one catastrophic event after another befall my friends and family. Cancer, Stillbirth, Mental Heath Crises, Accidents, Illness, Death. One after another after another. I’ve heard it said “Bad things happen in threes.” Try three TIMES three…and then some!
\nI once read the book “When Bad Things Happen to Good People” by Harold Kushner. The author is a Conservative Rabbi and the book addressed the long standing debate: If God is loving and caring, how can so many bad things happen to good people? While the book was written in 1981, I turned to it in 2001 after 9/11.
\nI had a difficult time reconciling a loving, omnipresent Deity “allowing” something so heinous to happen to thousands of innocent people. No doubt, people who loved Him, and worshiped Him whose only fault of the day was being in the wrong place at the wrong time.
\nI must admit, I was not yet a Christian on 9/11. It would be another three years before I took that leap of faith and surrendered to a God so much bigger than me. I was full of righteous anger that a “loving God” would allow this to happen. I could not wrap my head around it. I went to a psychiatrist and asked him for guidance. I was given a version of “these things happen”. Then I went to a Rabbi and asked him, “Where was God today???”
\n“He was there,” he said. “He was under the desks with the mothers as they called frantically to tell their loved ones goodbye. He was in the stairwells with the brave men who were helping the injured trying to escape the chaos. He was with the First Responders as they rushed into the flaming buildings, knowing full well they may not come back out alive. And many did not.
\nHe was on the planes with the terrified passengers and crew members. He held steady those that made a mad rush on the terrorists over Pennsylvania. He was with the unsuspecting workers in the Pentagon and the Towers. God was everywhere, crying out in anguish as life after life was snuffed out.
\nGod does not punish us with cruelty. He does not take pleasure in our pain. But what He DOES do is turn those terrifying moments into opportunities to lean into Him. To call out for Him. To have faith that, even in the darkest moments, He never forsakes us.
\nAnd that brings me to the events that have cast a shadow over my circle of friends and family…those I hold most dear and those whom I only know through others. We ask ourselves why these things happen, one on top of the other and the only answer there could be is…this is the nature of life.
\nAs Stephen Colbert so eloquently stated on the subject of grief and the loss of his father and two brothers in a plane crash when he was ten: about learning to “love the thing that I most wish had not happened.” He went on to say: “It’s a gift to exist and with existence comes suffering. There’s no escaping that. What do you get from loss? You get awareness of other people’s loss, which allows you to connect with that other person, which allows you to love more deeply and to understand what it’s like to be a human being if it’s true that all humans suffer.”
\nI hate that my loved ones and friends are suffering. I wish I could take that pain away from them. But, if by doing so, I would rob them of the awareness of other people’s loss and subsequent connection with them, then I am denying them their humanness…their connectedness. I would rob them of the opportunity to love more deeply and to truly understand what it’s like to be human.
\nWhat I CAN do for them is to be there for them, to hold a sacred, safe space for them to come to and grieve. And I can encourage them to seek a closer relationship with their higher power, which for me personally is God.
\nOur pastor said something the other day that struck me. I’m paraphrasing, but it went something like this: When disaster strikes you and you wail in your grief, this is normal. But lean in very close and put your ear to God’s lips and listen.
\nHe is closest to the brokenhearted.
\n❤️
\n“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.”\n\n", "date_published": "2019-08-28T01:30:30-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/08/28/when-bad-things-happenlean-in.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","God","Wisdom","Fear","Choices","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/08/26/a-thousand-dragonflies.html", "title": "A Thousand Dragonflies", "content_html": "Psalms 34:18 NLT
![\"Dragonfly\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/5456f0364f.jpg\")
“The dragonflies are prolific this year!”
I love dragonflies. They serve a good purpose by eating mosquitos and other flying insects and they don’t bite humans! I am charmed by them. They will light on your finger or your shoulder. They hover around you as if to keep you company or to satisfy their curiosity. The other day I was leaving the doctor’s office and one flew alongside my window for at least a quarter mile. They make me smile.
\nMr. FixIt and I were out cleaning the pool on Saturday and there was a dragonfly floating dead in the water. We both remarked how many more dragonflies there are the last couple of years. I did some research and found it’s because of all the rain we’ve been getting. With more rain comes more mosquitoes and consequently, the predators are in hot pursuit.
\nSomehow, I missed a big spot when I was mowing Saturday so I went out after church yesterday to finish up. I sat at the edge of the field in awe at the number of dragonflies hovering around me. From the website, Dragonfly Transitions, comes this: “In almost every part of the world, the Dragonfly symbolizes change, transformation, adaptability, and self-realization. The change that is often referred to has its source in mental and emotional maturity and understanding the deeper meaning of life.”
\nChange. Transformation. Adaptability. Self-Realization. If that doesn’t describe my life, I don’t know what does. This year has been, and continues to be one of remarkable opportunities…for travel, for growth, for learning…for becoming MORE. I love this, because the moment we stop growing, we die. Maybe not literally…but figuratively. A stagnant life is a fate worse than death for me.
\nI’ve said several times in the last week that I’ve been thinking a lot of my mom. I’ve been really missing her…more so than usual. As I was working with my calendar last night, I noticed today’s date. August 26th. My mom’s birthday. She’s been gone fifteen years now. She would have been 93 today. She died six weeks before her first great grandchild was born. As I sat rocking my second great grandchild in church yesterday, I thought of my mom and how much she loved children. She worked in the YWCA Daycare program and was the resident Grandma to hundreds of little ones. You couldn’t see her at work without some little person sitting on her lap at her desk.
\nI was thinking it would be great to relate Mom to the appearance of the dragonflies…for the purposes of this essay, at least. But, I have no idea if she loved dragonflies. She probably did. I do know she loved the color purple…and roses, books, peaches, piccalilli, tchotchkes, helping people, and genealogy. She loved her grandchildren. And she was totally devoted to my brother who has cerebral palsy.
\nNo…we have dragonflies because it’s been a rainy year. And, I miss my mom so much because today’s her birthday. Two unrelated events, but yet both are symbolic of transformation and adaptability.
\nHere’s to Wanda Belle…an amazing and humble woman. Everyone who knew her, loved her and misses her. Happy Heavenly Birthday, Mama!
\n❤️
\n“So you have sorrow now, but I will see you again; then you will rejoice, and no one can rob you of that joy.”\n\n", "date_published": "2019-08-26T01:30:31-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/08/26/a-thousand-dragonflies.html", "tags": ["Family","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Love","Aging","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/08/24/another-trip-down-memory-lane.html", "title": "Another Trip Down Memory Lane", "content_html": "John 16:22 NLT
![\"1960’s](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/bae4fdd498.jpg\")
“A trip down memory lane takes me to the neighborhood grocery store.”
Do you remember when women dressed up to go to the grocery store? I ran across this picture on Facebook last night when I was searching for something else and it just brought back such a flood of memories. I love looking at all the details. Diet Pepsi was a thing…even in the mid ‘60s. Some of us were debating whether this was a staged photo-op because of the total on the cash register.
\nLook at the uniforms the store clerks wore! The “K” on the lapels was for Kroger. Their stores operate under a lot of brands now…King Soopers, City Market, Smiths, among others. And the manager of any store, grocery or otherwise, wouldn’t be caught dead without his short sleeved white shirt and tie.
\nNotice the machine on top of the cash register. Do you remember what that was? It was the stamp dispenser. I believe the stamps dispensed at Kroger’s were Value Stamps. They were yellow. Other stores had Green Stamps and Plaid Stamps. I remember my first stuffed toy was a donkey I named Pedro. He was stuffed with excelsior…or wood wool. It was made from wood shavings that were about the size of spaghetti. My first roller skates were from the Plaid Stamp store. And, we got a lot of things with Green Stamps…dishes, a laundry hamper, my trash can with the pink poodle on it.
\nMy first boyfriend, who later became Hubby #1, worked at the Kroger Store in the Park Shopping Center. That was back in the days before malls. The shopping center stole a lot of business from the stores downtown and when the mall opened, it was pretty much the death of the downtown shops.
\nI remember stopping at the grocery store and watching the stockers use a pricing stamp and put the price in ink on the top of the cans. click, click, click, click, click. They’d stamp a case at a time. Then the checker had to hand enter each price into the cash register. I remember the first time I saw a guy working at the checkout stand. He might as well have been a zebra, he looked that out of place.
\nMy very first job was at Kresge’s as a clerk, stocking and working the cash register. I never worked in a grocery store. I did stock shelves for a short time at the PX at Lowry Air Force Base in Denver when we first moved there till I could find a job in radiology. Ahhhh, I look back at my humble beginnings.
\nI’m at an age now where there’s a whole lot less time in front of me than there is behind me and I wax nostalgic when I see pictures like this. Maybe not so much for the jobs I had in my teens, but more for my mom. I see her in her dress and heels, coming from the office where she worked. Driving us in that big boat of a car and stopping at the store for a few groceries. Her hair carefully coiffed at the beauty college every Saturday. Sitting demurely while the young man in the skinny tie pumped her gas and washed her windshield and checked her oil. I remember her soft skin and her wet kisses, her cool hands on my fevered brow. I remember her sitting by my bedside when I had the mumps and read to me…until she too came down with them and Grandma had to come take care of us AND her.
\nI’ve missed my mom a lot lately. I opened YouTube the other night and on the landing page where there were a dozen or so suggested videos, there was a woman getting her snowy white hair cut short and I swear…she looked so much like my mom it made my eyes sting. I showed it to my friends that knew her and they agreed. My mom’s boss is still living and even she said it was remarkable how much the woman resembled my mom.
\nIt’s not that I “long for the good old days”. I just miss my mom.
\nGrief…even for those lost so long ago…still comes in a wave. Not a tsunami anymore…but sometimes it’s big enough to rock my footing. There’s so much I’d love to show her. I think she would have really loved camping in a trailer or a motor home. Sometimes I just take her on a trip in my mind and I imagine all the places we’d go and things we’d see. She wasn’t well traveled, although she did come to England when Daughter #1 was born and she came to Colorado several times. She went to the beach once with my BFF in her little convertible.
\nSpeaking of nostalgia, my high school class picnic is today. I saw on FB the Class of ‘69 had their 50th Reunion this weekend. That means only two years to ours. Where did the time go? I remember when my aunt and uncle went to their 50th and I thought they were so OLD. They were only 15 years or so older than me! Funny…the perspective from the other end was so long and from this end it’s so short.
\nWe’ve finally had a break in the weather and it’s much cooler. The high was only 74 yesterday. It should be about the same today. I hope you enjoy your weekend!
\n❤️
\n“Don’t long for “the good old days.” This is not wise.”\n\n \n", "date_published": "2019-08-24T01:30:10-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/08/24/another-trip-down-memory-lane.html", "tags": ["Family","Grief","West Virginia","Growth","Gratitude","Love","Courage","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/08/21/always-choose-joy-unless-you.html", "title": "Always Choose Joy. Unless You Can’t...", "content_html": "Ecclesiastes 7:10 NLT
![\"Compassion](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/7ff59e4aca.jpg\")
“Here’s to the compassionate people!”
I’ve been on a JOY kick all year. Ok. I get it. I just got married in October and I’m full of the feels. But yesterday, I got a reminder that sometimes…no matter how much you WANT to…joy eludes you for an indeterminate amount of time.
\nI belong to a few widow’s support groups on Facebook. I have cockily thought to myself from time to time that I certainly don’t NEED a widow’s support group anymore. That is, until I DO. Then I am ever so grateful for those who share and lift each other up, no matter where they land on the grief/time continuum.
\nThere have been times when I read about the desperate sadness we as the bereaved quite normally go through and my heart breaks for them. I think of all the times I didn’t think I could go on. I think of all the wonderful people who supported and loved me through the most horrific event I have experienced up to this moment in time. There were people I didn’t even know…you readers…who lifted me and helped me move forward, even as I tried to lift others.
\nBut yesterday there was a post that garnered a good deal of pushback and it gave me pause. Basically, this person was saying…just choose joy. That’s a gross simplification, but that was the bottom line. Just choose joy. It made me think about my cheerleading and jumping on the JOY TRAIN and how it may seem dismissive of those who are still in the active throes of grief.
\nIt’s damned hard to find joy when the person who was so much your SOURCE of joy is no longer here. I know this in the core of my being. When I was in my darkest dark place in grief, I truly felt I would never find a glimmer of happiness in this lifetime again…let alone JOY. And yes…you DO have to make a lot of choices in this new normal. One of them is choosing to keep living. Choosing to keep trying. Choosing to keep moving forward no matter HOW hard it is or lonely or heart breaking.
\nWe choose to do this for others….our kids, our parents, our friends…even our person who “would want me to live my life”. Eventually, it is my fervent HOPE that we choose to do this for ourselves.
\nI have been guilty of using the word “choose” a little too blithely, I’m afraid. And if I have, and it has caused you pain, may I offer my humblest apologies. It is not easy to choose when you are in overwhelming pain. It’s not that I forgot this…but maybe I push it a bit too far out of reach to mentor as effectively as I would like to.
\nI want you to have hope. I want you to find joy. I want you to experience good things in your life again. I know it CAN happen…I’m proof. It just needs to happen in its own time. And when you DO experience what passes as joy, it may not look the same as someone else’s and that’s ok. I just wanted you to know…I haven’t forgotten those of you whose hearts are so incredibly crushed. I will strive to always hold a sacred space for you here.
\n❤️
\n“My comfort in my suffering is this: Your promise preserves my life.”\n\n", "date_published": "2019-08-21T01:30:25-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/08/21/always-choose-joy-unless-you.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Strong Women","Hope","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","God","Wisdom","Fear","Courage","Choices","Change","Widow","Starting Over"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/08/19/bowling-season-has-begun.html", "title": "Bowling Season Has Begun", "content_html": "Psalm 119:50 NIV
![\"Pink](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/6b37139a13.jpg\")
“Pink roses and strawberries…and bowling season. Somebody loves me!”
Mr. FixIt is an avid bowler. He’s been on two bowling leagues for the last thirty-five years and he enjoys it immensely. He has friends there. He has ample opportunity to talk. It’s his guy time. And, I enjoy having a couple of evenings a week to do whatever I want to do as well. Honestly, I fell asleep late in the afternoon and didn’t hear him leave. When I woke up, I caught up with my Sunday evening phone calls and chats so it was a relaxing evening.
\nWhen he arrived home, he went into the kitchen to fix something to eat and we were trying to carry on a conversation while I was in the family room. He called out, “You know…I could hear you better if you were in here with me.” Of course! Sometimes we get so wrapped up in what we’re doing, we forget the basic manners and niceties we should offer those we love most.
\nI walked into the kitchen and there on the counter was a dozen pink roses and two cartons of fresh strawberries! I am always thunderstruck when he surprises me with these lovely unexpected gifts of love.
\nI looked at him and smiled. “What’s this?”
\n“It’s been a little while since I brought you flowers. It was time.” He smiled back.
\nWhat goodness this is…this life that is sweeter than any red strawberry…softer than any pink rosebud. This is a blessing. This is God’s gift to me. This man who lifts me up and celebrates who I am. Who cheers me on and encourages me to explore and be everything I can be. This man who holds my hand in church and prays alongside me. Who holds me and comforts me when I am sick or sad. I only pray I give him this same love back every day of my life.
\nThere was so much sadness in my life after Mr. Virgo died. I swore I would never fall in love…never remarry…because the thought of going through that again was too much to bear. Then color came back into my life. And I could hear music and I could breathe and somehow I knew I could love again. I don’t know how long we have together…but it’s bowling season and I have strawberries and pink roses and my life is good.
\n❤️
\n“Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.”\n\n \n", "date_published": "2019-08-19T01:30:06-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/08/19/bowling-season-has-begun.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Positive Energy","Fun","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Aging","Choices","Change","Be Joyful!","Widow","Marriage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/08/17/running-on-empty.html", "title": "Running on Empty", "content_html": "Matthew 5:4 NIV
![\"Surge](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/961bccd765.jpg\")
“Something’s going on with my electric supply.”
I thought I was tired Thursday night! Then yesterday hit. It started out when I got an e-mail reminding me there was a form I was supposed to send on Monday! With going to the farm, then coming back to company, smoking what feels like half a pig and processing it, I totally spaced getting that form sent.
\nI didn’t have ink in my printer, of course. So I ran to town and had the form printed at Office Depot. I took a photo of it and sent it to them, but got another e-mail that it wasn’t adequate. So, when I got home, I popped the original in an envelope and took it to the post office. I got home and Mr. FixIt asked if we got any mail. Now that I thought of it, we hadn’t received any mail since we returned from Colorado over a week ago and that’s highly unusual. I drove BACK to town to the post office again and they aren’t holding the mail. Crazy that we haven’t received even an ad. That never happens!
\nAs soon as I got home the second time, I hopped on the riding mower and four hours later, in 92 degree heat, I was finished. By this time, we had more company. I quickly changed and hopped in the pool for a refreshing dip. Everyone left to go to the pizza place and to get ice cream, but I elected to stay home. I’d had too much heat and I didn’t feel terrific.
\nI went out to hook big TOW-Wanda up to the electric. I used a new extension cord and the same outlet I’ve used before. When I plugged in the Surge Protector, it said the ground was open. Then when I plugged in the camper, it said there was Reverse Polarity. That means a line in the outlet is switched, but that can’t be because no one has been here or done anything to our electric. As I was pulling the electrical cord out, there were lots of wasps flying around the opening so they’ve built a nest in there. Our grandson used the last of the wasp spray yesterday when he was helping Mr. FixIt so that has to wait. However, when I was pulling the cord out, it got stuck. I pulled and pulled with all my might. It suddenly let go and threw me backwards where I landed on my elbow and smacked the back of my head. I’m really careful about hitting my head since I had the car accident in 2017, but I think the only thing that was bruised was my pride. And a little scrape on my elbow.
\nOur grandson and his family are going back home today so things should settle a little bit. I still need to clean the smoker out. I asked Mr. FixIt if I could use the power washer but he said since it’s electric, it probably wouldn’t be a very good idea. Poo. I think it sounds like an excellent idea…as long as I don’t have it plugged in. But then again…I can’t figure out the plug-in for the camper, so maybe he’s right.
\nI have a prayer request a day early…please keep my brother-friend in your prayers. He had a frightening medical emergency the other day. It could have been so much worse. Just lift him up for complete healing, please!
\nLast night was just one of those moments I’ve only seemed to have since Mr. Virgo died. I get to where I’m running on empty and I think, “Please, just don’t give me one more thing to handle today, Lord…I’m at the end of my rope.” Then, when I get off to myself and have a moment to catch my breath, I remind myself…when I’m at the end of my rope, God ties a knot in it so I don’t fall off. There is less of “me” at the end of that rope, therefore…there is more of God.
\n❤️
\n““You’re blessed when you’re at the end of your rope. With less of you there is more of God and his rule.”\n\n", "date_published": "2019-08-17T01:30:59-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/08/17/running-on-empty.html", "tags": ["Family","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Grace","God","Wisdom","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/08/15/the-metamorphosis-of-grief.html", "title": "The Metamorphosis of Grief", "content_html": "Matthew 5:3 MSG
![\"Country](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/324ad776d1.jpg\")
“The Farm. Clockwise from top left: Drying the laundry on the front porch is a country thing, Elderberries, A Rose of Sharon appeared from nowhere, Life is Simple, An Appalachian Pour Over, Blue granite pan used for dipping water out of the rain barrel.
Living in the country, you see many examples of metamorphosis. Where there once was a hairy caterpillar, there becomes a moth. Where there once was a striped green worm with a spiky tail, noshing on a milkweed leaf, there becomes a monarch butterfly. Where there once was a grub with legs, crawling up a tree and developing a hard shell, it soon splits and a locust emerges to call in the autumn season…signaling it’s time for school to start.
\nJust as there is a time for everything in its season, so it is with grief. I was thinking about this yesterday while I was trimming back the wild grape vines threatening to overtake the farm. When this blog began, I was fresh in my grief. I promised you then I would be honest and speak to you from my heart about exactly what it was like…at least for me…to go through the loss of my husband. There were times when it was so painfully ugly that it had to be difficult to read. Yet, so many of you have been here from the very beginning.
\nThis blog goes through a metamorphosis every time something changes in my life. What started out as a method of pouring out my pain, morphed into learning how to navigate that. It changed and grew just as I changed and grew. It’s not just a grief blog, although there are hundreds of posts in the archives about grief. There was a time, when my grief had subsided to a nagging undercurrent, when I thought maybe I should just quit and make it all about grief. Just leave it there. But I couldn’t stop writing.
\nWriting became a part of me…as much a part of me as my hands and feet, my heart and lungs. So I decided to take you with me when I traveled, when I stepped into the dating arena, when I got married. I thought…ok, maybe I’m done now. Maybe I’ll just stop here. But, I kept living…and each new day brought a new experience, a new insight, and new lesson. And it became my devotional.
\nIn a good cake recipe, bland ingredients like flour get mixed with sweet ingredients like sugar and butter. If baked with nothing else added, you wouldn’t have cake…you’d have some hard, flat, dry cardboard. But add eggs and leavening….take your time….and mix it well….and it rises high and beautiful. My life…my stories…my experiences are the flour and sugar. The scripture at the bottom of each post…illustrating my thinking in that particular moment…that’s the leavening. The eggs. The ingredient that makes the finished product perfect.
\nI know it’s not a grief blog so much anymore, even though I touch on the topic from time to time. That’s the nature of metamorphosis. Things are always changing…even grief. The numbing pain of the first year, the sharp pain of the second year, the personal growth of my third year, the stretching of my wings in the fourth, the explorations of the fifth, and finally…being remarried in the sixth…my grief has gone through its own metamorphosis and has settled into an undercurrent. A background noise that I have become accustomed to, yet it’s still very much there.
\n❤️
\n“And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit.”\n\n", "date_published": "2019-08-15T01:30:57-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/08/15/the-metamorphosis-of-grief.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Positive Energy","West Virginia","The Farm","Growth","New Ideas","Gratitude","God","Wisdom","Aging","Change","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/08/14/the-farm-is-failing.html", "title": "The Farm is Failing", "content_html": "2 Corinthians 3:18 ESV
![\"Green](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/9a329f48ca.jpg\")
“The farm is the home of my heart…but it’s aging rapidly.”
Mr. FixIt and I have been back from Colorado for a week now. We talked over the weekend and decided to go to the farm for a couple of days because I haven’t been there since the third week of June. I really miss the farm when I’m away and can’t get there. Then, Monday morning came and there was so much to get done at the Ponderosa. Still…the farm…
\nI decided to bring the dirty laundry and come to the farm on my own for a couple of days. Mr. FixIt is capable of taking care of himself and, while he misses me…he understands my need to be at the farm sometimes. He’s a good guy.
\nThere was a hard rain come through yesterday. I sat on the front porch and watched and it was soon over. The sun came out and the green dazzled my eyes. Everything was so clean and fresh. I sat for the longest time and just scoured the hillside and surrounding area…looking for differences.
\nThe power line coming to the transformer on the pole in front of the house is noticeably drooping down low over the road. A tall vehicle could easily catch that. I’ll have to report it today. Also, the big pine tree on the bank seems to be leaning further out there over the driveway. I pulled up older pictures from the same vantage point to verify both the line and the tree. Something’s going to have to be done with that, too.
\nI noticed Monday afternoon, there’s a wild grape vine on the power line between the house and the cinderblock building. None of that was there before I left for Colorado. This monsoon summer has created an overgrowth the likes of which I have never seen here. It’s like a tropical rain forest.
\nWhen I did a walkabout yesterday, I noticed another tree on the hillside across the creek from the house that has split in half. But it appears the uphill half is actually falling up the hill. That has always been the main concern here. This little holler is so narrow, and the ground is shale and very soft. It wouldn’t take much to bring trees down on this house.
\nMaybe the earth is taking her back. Maybe it’s the natural progression of old farm houses. I do know, to bring this place back to life and prosperity would take far more money than it’s worth. And, a ton…an absolute TON of work. We’re not OLD…but we are 66 and 67. The other day, I told Mr. FixIt…if we were just 30 years younger, we could do so much with this place.
\nI think what I have to do is start saying goodbye to the old home place…in earnest. I know there will come a time when it isn’t safe to stay here without cutting down a bunch of trees…without upgrading the electricity…without shoring up the beams in the basement and the attic. My time here is getting shorter…I can feel it. I’m working on girding my heart in preparation.
\nIt’s like the old man who can tell it’s going to rain by the pain in his knee. The only difference is…this pain is in my heart.
\n❤️
\n“\"Is it a time for you yourselves to dwell in your paneled houses, while this house lies in ruins?”\n\n", "date_published": "2019-08-14T01:30:36-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/08/14/the-farm-is-failing.html", "tags": ["Family","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","West Virginia","The Farm","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","Love","Wisdom","Courage","Aging","Presence","Warning","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/08/03/basking-in-the-glow-of.html", "title": "Basking in the Glow of Family", "content_html": "Haggai 1:4 ESV
![\"Sunset](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/b7073fee5b.jpg\")
“The sun goes down on the evening before my baby’s wedding. My heart is full!”
Last night was amazing. Every fear and trepidation I had beforehand dissipated as soon as we pulled into the driveway at Hubby #2’s house. He was so gracious, as was his wife. Their house is stunning. Their dogs are the sweetest things. Daughter #1 and her family were there when we arrived and soon after, my sister- and brother-in-law arrived from Utah. Oh, my gosh! It was so exciting to see them all!
\nJust before dinner, my daughter and her fiancée arrived and we were a complete family. My brother enjoyed everyone and joined in the conversations. It really was perfect. What I learned from this: When you hand things over to God to take care of…you have to let go of it. I knew as I was driving over from Glenwood Springs…this was going to be good. This was going to be very, very good.
\nAfter dinner, Daughter #2 came to me and said, “Mama…I have something for you to do tomorrow. You’re in charge of this…and making sure he has a seat at my wedding.”
\nWith that she handed me a framed photo of Mr. Virgo. She was very close to her stepfather and losing him was so hard on her. The suddenness of seeing his smiling face…so totally unexpected…took my breath away and I started crying. I wasn’t the only one. It was a very special moment and it still makes me tearful as I write this. What a beautiful gesture…what a beautiful God moment….what love…what treasures I have in this family.
\nMy baby is getting married today. My heart is so full! Thank you Jesus for every gift you have given me in this life!
\n❤️
\n“Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm; for love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame. Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot sweep it away. If one were to give all the wealth of one’s house for love, it would be utterly scorned.”\n\n", "date_published": "2019-08-03T01:30:27-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/08/03/basking-in-the-glow-of.html", "tags": ["Faith","Colorado","Family","Travel","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Strong Women","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Forgiveness","Courage","Choices","Be Joyful!","Widow","Marriage","Wedding"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/08/02/no-worse-for-the-wear.html", "title": "No Worse for the Wear", "content_html": "Song of Songs 8:6-7 NIV
![\"Old](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/80978dfcd7.jpg\")
“While once sleek and shiny, these vehicles still hold a deep beauty.”
We left Ridgway yesterday saying goodbye to our friends, Linda and Jim. We both choked up…goodbyes have always been difficult for me ever since I lost Mr. Virgo. We just don’t know if and when we will meet again and it tears at my heartstrings. I know Linda loves Colorado, but deep down, she has that Ohio farm girl in there somewhere. I loved watching her as she listened to Mr. FixIt’s unmistakable West Virginia accent and she was transported back over the years and the miles to the home of her youth.
\nEven though we didn’t go to the same high school with Linda, we know many of the same people…one of whom is Jeff. He and his wife Julie moved to the Ridgway area a couple of years ago. It’s funny how the webs of friendship cross over. Linda and Jeff were both friends with Cindy (a girl from my class) and that’s how they connected. I am friends with Cindy and that’s how Linda connected with me and the connection with Jeff was made through Linda and because he was on the boy’s gymnastics team while I competed with the girl’s team the same year. And….Mr. FixIt was on that same team with Jeff! See what a teeny tiny world it is? Jeff and Julie joined us for dinner at Linda’s Wednesday night. Mr. FixIt hadn’t seen Jeff in forty-eight years. There were lots of stories and laughs and we all had a grand time.
\nWe drove north out of Ridgway, through Montrose and Olathe (home of Olathe Sweet Corn) and on to Delta. I kept my eyes peeled for a place I found when I was on “The Grand Adventure”…that three month odyssey into the wilderness and backroads after Mr. Virgo died. It’s just a vacant lot on the main drag that’s filled with old, broken down cars and trucks. I don’t know why it attracted me that first time, but I couldn’t wait to show Mr. FixIt.
\nWe were almost to our turnoff to head east over McClure Pass when I saw them. Red vehicles…either from the faded and flaked paint or the rust beneath. Some had their hoods strapped down. Others had holes in the glass from years of being the target of vandals or the errant stone thrown back in the day when they motored down the highways of old. Mr. FixIt caught his breath.
\n“Oh, wow! Would you look at that!” A smile crept across his face and his eyes sparkled like a little boy who just found the coolest treasure stuck on a dusty shelf. I immediately pulled over and threw the truck in park. We jumped out and walked up and down the rows of derelict automobiles resting on their rims because of long ago rotted and airless tires. We peeked in through hazy windows at the scraps of stuffing clinging to the old and rusted springs of the seats inside.
\n“Oh, look! Is that a Nash? A Studebaker? What’s this one? Ford used to make a Cortina. Do you suppose that’s what this one is?” This went on and on as we dodged the large mud holes formed from the afternoon storms we’ve been getting and made our way through the maze of cars.
\nAs I looked at these rusted out hulks, I thought about beauty being in the eye of the beholder. I have to be perfectly honest…I’ve had some trepidation about the wedding this weekend. My daughter’s dad lives in a world I no longer belong to. He’s a doctor, and consequently lives like a doctor in a fine house. With fine friends. And a fine wife. Fine furnishings. Fine food. A fine life. I used to circle in that orbit, although I never really felt a part of that world, although I tried very hard to make myself fit in.
\nI have to admit. I’ve let myself be a little self conscious about my comfortable tummy and my jelly thighs and my granny-wing upper arms knowing ever so painfully how that was judged by those in that orbit. I’ve been praying about it a lot. And God whispered to me as I wandered amongst these vehicles what were once sleek and shiny and new.
\n“You don’t have to fear that world. You don’t have to feel bad for the way you fit in your body all comfy-like. You don’t have to concern yourself with what anyone else thinks of you….just remember I love you. Completely. Just the way you are. Just love them all the way I love you.”
\nYou see…the very act of feeling self conscious and judged puts me in a place where I’m being the judge. I don’t know what’s in their hearts and minds. A lot of water has gone under the bridge since those days so long ago when I circled around that orbit. It’s a foreign land to me now. I have no reason to feel “less than” anyone. I can walk right in, on the arm of a man I adore and who adores me right back. We’ve created a life that fits us perfectly and we’re perfectly happy.
\nIt’s all about love, trust, letting go, and letting God take care of the details. I’m comfortable in this life, this body…no matter where I go or who I run into. None of this is about me anyway. It’s totally about my daughter and her joy anyway. Yes…it’s all about love!
\n❤️
\n“Yet you, Lord, are our Father. We are the clay, you are the potter; we are all the work of your hand. Do not be angry beyond measure, Lord; do not remember our sins forever. Oh, look on us, we pray, for we are all your people.” Isaiah 64:8-9 NIV\n \n", "date_published": "2019-08-02T01:30:06-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/08/02/no-worse-for-the-wear.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Travel","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Positive Energy","West Virginia","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Forgiveness","Courage","Aging","Choices","Change","Be Joyful!","Widow","Wedding"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/07/25/a-glimpse-of-heaven.html", "title": "A Glimpse of Heaven", "content_html": "
![\"A](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/feef1d3d12.jpg\")
“A Glimpse of Heaven in the Colorado Night Sky”
I knew this would happen. I blinked and a month flew by. I left on this journey exactly four weeks ago. Time is such a weird thing after loss. On the one hand…it flies. On the other…it stands still. I got some quality time with my Colorado family. Mr. FixIt has been here almost two weeks already. The package I’ve been expecting for my brother arrived yesterday so now we can pack up and go off on a little adventure on our own before the wedding.
\nGrandma L. is still hanging in there. She is such a strong woman. She rallies and fades, rallies and fades. They moved her from her apartment at assisted living to a skilled nursing facility on Monday. She had a dream on Tuesday night. At least, she thinks it was a dream. She was lying in bed and her legs felt like stone. But then, she was standing up…strong and vital. She looked around it was so glorious. She saw a crevice and knew she was supposed to jump over it. She knew she COULD. She didn’t see Grandpa right off, but she knew she could find him easily. Instead, she decided to come back and tell us all how absolutely peaceful and grand it is. I love that she could see it all so clearly and she isn’t afraid.
\nI know she might pass away while we are gone, but I didn’t want to wear her out by adding to the number of visitors going to see her. There are other closer relatives who need to spend time with her. I was able to hug on her last Saturday at her birthday party and she absolutely knows how I feel about her. Her absence will leave a gaping hole for quite some time in the lives of those who knew and loved her.
\nWe all went out for supper last night after they moved everything out of Grandma’s apartment at the assisted living place. There were twelve of us. As I walked back to the table with my food, I paused for a moment and gazed over this beautiful family my daughter was so fortunate to marry into. Another part of my bonus family. We are so blessed…with kids and their kids and us grandparents. We are becoming the matriarchs. I thought it would take longer.
\nMr. FixIt and I will head out today for a week of touring the state. We were supposed to do this with the camper, but it’ll all work out without it. I love showing him places he’s never been! So…here we go on another road trip, y’all. Hang on!
\n❤️
\n“Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.”\n\n", "date_published": "2019-07-25T01:30:08-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/07/25/a-glimpse-of-heaven.html", "tags": ["Faith","Colorado","Family","Travel","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Courage","Aging","Choices","Change","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/07/24/pennies-from-heaven.html", "title": "Pennies from Heaven", "content_html": "2 Corinthians 4:16-18 NIV
![\"Women](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/1e1df75bd1.jpg\")
“Finally had a chance to visit with my friend, Michelle.”
I’ve been writing a daily essay here for over six-and-a-half years now. I’ve heard from numerous people about odd things that have happened since their loved one died. Things that make them feel comforted…like they’re being watched over. Signs from Heaven. With me, it’s bluebirds and angel pennies.
\nYou’ve all heard of “pennies from heaven”. Folk lore says found coins come from angels throwing them in our path to remind us they were here. Something happened yesterday that was downright eerie…but in a wonderful way.
\nI met my friend Michelle at the nail salon yesterday. We met years ago when I was a new widow and she was one of my fellow women campers who helped me find myself. We met at the salon because that was the one place we could absolutely stop and sit still for two hours. We both live very busy lives.
\nDuring the course of our conversation, Michelle told me they were expecting her sweet grandfather to pass at anytime. As a matter of fact, she felt yesterday was his last day here on earth. We covered every topic under the sun and got caught up with what has been going on in each other’s lives.
\nWhen she was getting her manicure, I realized the polish on my toes wasn’t drying very fast so I excused myself to the other side of the room to place my feet under the lights. Finally, she came over to me to hug me goodbye. She had a call to make at noon and had to run. When I sat down at the table where the lights were, I placed my phone and water bottle on the counter. I didn’t notice the penny there till Michelle hugged me.
\nI picked up the penny and showed it to her.
\n“Look, I think this is for you! Maybe it’s your grandpa sending you a message.”
\nI placed the penny in Michelle’s hand. She looked at her phone and said, “Hmmm, it’s 11:44. I’ll remember this if I hear of his passing.” With that, we said hugged and she went out the door.
\nTwenty minutes later she texted me.
\n“My grandfather passed away twenty minutes ago.”
\nCoincidence? If so, it was uncanny. Who knows? I told her she needed to keep that penny in a special place. I keep all my angel pennies in a depression on the dashboard of my truck. I found two more right outside my truck at the next stop. I tucked them away with the others and whispered a “Thank You” to whoever dropped the pennies for us.
\n❤️
\n“And I heard a voice from heaven saying, \"Write this: Blessed are the dead who die in the Lord from now on.\" \"Blessed indeed,\" says the Spirit, \"that they may rest from their labors, for their deeds follow them!\"” Revelation 14:13 ESV\n", "date_published": "2019-07-24T01:30:18-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/07/24/pennies-from-heaven.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Grief","Gratitude","God","Peace","Presence"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/07/12/saying-goodbye-to-towwanda.html", "title": "Saying Goodbye to TOW-Wanda!", "content_html": "
![\"Camper\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/3d31846cc1.jpg\")
“TOW-Wanda…being towed away to her new life with a boy.”
Night before last, I put the camper on Facebook Marketplace at 10:00. It sold in thirty minutes! And, there were thirty people right behind the guy I sold it to, ready to step up and pay cash. I was shocked. I was forthright in explaining the camper needed work or would be perfect for a backyard she shed, writer’s nook, guest quarters, or kids playhouse. Still, the price and “camper” were enough to bring everyone out of the woodwork seeking a deal.
\nThe first person who said he wanted it was a guy who just got married on the 8th. He was so excited to get the camper, he was knowledgeable and fully understood what it was going to take to get her fixed. He wanted to fix up TOW-Wanda so he could take his son camping. He took a picture and sent it to his dad. Then he FaceTimed with his son and I could hear their excitement.
\nThis guy knew campers. He knew what it would take to really fix her right. I am so glad about that because I was worried someone who didn’t really know about them might get it and not heed my warnings and try to tow it to the mountains. We had a long talk. We negotiated a price that was fair and acceptable to us both. I told him, I could see God’s hand all over this. For me…to learn a valuable lesson about inspecting campers well before you buy them. And for him…to affordably get into a camper that he has the skills to fix so that he can be a good dad to his son.
\nYes…I lost money on the deal. But, no one got hurt…just my pride. And there’s a little boy out there who is going to be one happy camper when he gets to go out in the mountains with his dad. There is no price tag on the making of a man.
\n❤️
\n“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”\n\n \n", "date_published": "2019-07-12T01:30:35-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/07/12/saying-goodbye-to-towwanda.html", "tags": ["Travel","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Positive Energy","TOW-Wanda!","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Peace","Wisdom","Courage","Humbled","Choices","Change","Be Joyful!","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/06/30/americas-bread-basket-is-baking.html", "title": "America’s Bread Basket is Baking!", "content_html": "Jeremiah 29:11 NIV
![\"Snaps](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/4eae21c471.jpg\")
“Clockwise from top left: My rig in the summer sun in Kansas, the long straight stretch that is Kansas…look how green!, my digital laser thermometer that I use to check my hub temperatures at every stop, me looking decidedly fresher in the AM than I was by evening!”
You know you are getting into farm and ranch land when you start seeing billboards advertising bovine genetics and DEKALB seed corn. I left the Lazy Day Campground in Danville, Missouri yesterday morning about 8:00. It was a very long, very HOT day. A section of I-70 was closed at Kansas City so I took the recommended detour. I recognized it as the route I usually take anyway to avoid downtown. There is one interchange on the interstate near the city where you have to get from the right hand side onramp to a left hand side exit in less than 1/4 mile. Pulling a camper makes that a real challenge, let me tell you!!! At least it wasn’t with big TOW-Wanda on a Friday night at rush hour. We have to look for the little things!
\nWhen I was emptying the tanks on the camper before I left yesterday, it wasn’t 8:00 yet and the sun would take the hide right off of you. The temperature quickly soared to the high 90’s and by the time I was halfway through Kansas, it was 100. The low was only expected to go down to 80 so I stopped and got a hotel room. When I first got in the room, I cranked up the air conditioner and stretched out on the bed. I texted Mr. FixIt and said, “I am NEVER doing this again!!!” He texted back that I don’t have to. I’m holding him to it!
\nOk, it was the third day. It was hard. It was hot. I was tired and probably a little hungry and dehydrated. And knowing I have over 350 more miles to go had me feeling really sorry for myself there for a few minutes. But, once I rested for a while and got something to eat and drink, I felt a ton better. When I stop tonight, it’s going to be at my son-in-law’s parents’ house so I’ll be with family. It’s going to take me a week to rest up and acclimate to the altitude. Mr. FixIt will join me on the 13th so that time will pass quickly.
\nI had a lot of time to think about this as I was driving yesterday. I don’t like being this far away from Mr. FixIt. I thought about that from every angle. I asked myself if it was co-dependency. I don’t think it’s that at all. I do all kinds of things without him and I don’t need to be attached at the hip. I talked with my dear friend Deneene about this last night. She lost her husband unexpectedly about a year after Mr. Virgo died. She is also recently remarried. We decided it’s not co-dependency at all. It’s the fact that we KNOW what can happen and how quickly it can come. I don’t think it’s that I’m doing something without him. It’s that I’m doing something so far away from him and I can’t get to him quickly. THAT I don’t like at all.
\nStill, it is fun in many ways. I’ve seen some beautiful countryside. The sky was blue and wide open. I’ve forgotten what that looks like living in West Virginia. (I took the picture while driving but my phone was in a cradle and all I did was touch the screen. No eyes off the road for me!) I don’t have anything pressing to do once I get to Denver so I can relax and catch up on my rest, keep myself really hydrated to counteract the altitude, knit, write, and visit with my Colorado peeps. I could not believe how green Kansas is. They had the same long, drawn out, wet spring everyone else had. It is so hard to believe the temperature is in the high 90’s in Colorado and one week ago they had two feet of snow. Crazy weather!
\nOh, see that picture bottom right? That’s my digital laser thermometer. After burning up an axle in Indiana two summer ago, I check my hubs religiously…every time I stop and get out of the truck. I know you can just put your hand down there and feel if it’s hot, but how hot is too hot and if it IS that hot, you’ll burn the heck out of your hand. I keep watch on it and it’s always between 100-110. That’s perfect. If it goes up, it means the bearings need grease.
\nWell, I’m on the last leg of this Grand Adventure. The last leg of the first part of it, anyway! It’s just me and Jesus…making our way west!
\n❤️
\n“….“The Lord watch between you and me, when we are out of one another’s sight.”
\nGenesis 31:49 ESV
\n#Separation, #Marriage, #Adventure
\n", "date_published": "2019-06-30T01:30:10-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/06/30/americas-bread-basket-is-baking.html", "tags": ["Faith","Travel","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Positive Energy","TOW-Wanda!","Camping","The Grand Adventure","Fun","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Wisdom","Fear","Courage","Aging","Choices","Change","Widow","Marriage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/06/20/memories-of-a-disaster.html", "title": "Memories of a Disaster", "content_html": "![\"Shuttle](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/094df61ba4.jpg\")
“A piece of the Space Shuttle Challenger.”
On January 28, 1986, Hubby #2 and I were driving from the airport in Eau Claire, Wisconsin to Sparta for a job interview. He had just finished his residency and was asked by a friend to come join his practice. As we settled into the drive, I flipped on the radio and heard the terrible news. The Space Shuttle Challenger had exploded during liftoff killing the entire crew. We were devastated.
\nI think we all had an extra soft spot for the Challenger crew because of Christa McAuliffe, the first citizen to go into space….the first TEACHER to go into space. My daughter was young. She had bright, young teachers. The thought of one of them stepping froward to selflessly show students what you can achieve when you apply yourself struck a chord with every parent in the country.
\nWe went to the Kennedy Space Center yesterday after a quick stop at Starbucks. When Mr. FixIt asked what I wanted to do with our day, I told him that was where I wanted to go. On the way down, I mentioned that it had been 25 years since I had been there. He said no, that I had been there with him two years ago.
\nAll the way down, I kept asking him questions about it. I know I had my accident six months before that but surely I would have remembered being there. When we drove in, I looked all around and kept saying nothing looked familiar. It was beginning too scare me. I mean, we all begin to lose some mental acuity at a certain age, but this was a total blank.
\nAfter about the fifth time, I insisted I had never been there, we settled it by looking in our phones. Sure enough, we had not. However, we did remember what happened. We were actually going to go the the Space Center one morning when we received a frantic call that Mr. Virgo’s son-in-law was in the hospital in critical condition. Within an hour, we had cleaned the condo, packed the truck, and were rushing home.
\nThe Space Shuttle Memorial has a long hallway with individual displays of carefully chosen memorabilia for each astronaut…the Challenger Crew to the left, the Columbia Crew to the right. Christa McAuliffe’s display is the final one on the left. Once you walk down the hallway and turn to the right, there is a dimly lit room with a piece of the recovered shuttle behind glass.
\nAs I stood there alone, I let the somber weight of the moment flow over me. I was in the presence of where they lived last…where SHE lived last. My heart ached for her family…she left behind a son and daughter, ages nine and six, respectively. My heart ached for all the school children watching the launch live on TV that morning. My heart is much more tender since Mr. Virgo died.
\nMr. FixIt walked up behind me and gently placed his arm around my waist. He knew. Maybe it’s the way I hold myself. Maybe it was just the church-like solemnity of the room. Maybe, like me, he was thinking back to what he was doing that day. Maybe he hugged his babies a little tighter that night, too.
\nWe finally moved on to other displays and eventually headed toward the parking lot. As we pushed the door open, we were met with heavy skies and severe thunderstorm warnings on our phones. We looked at the sky, then each other, then back to the sky. There was no way we were going to make it to parking lot six before those clouds opened up.
\nWe elected to buy a snack and sit it out under cover. We had another one of those car wash rains I’ve become fairly familiar with this trip. As soon as it lightened up enough, we headed to the truck as soon as we could. We stopped on the way home at a Cuban-Mexican restaurant and I had the best fish tacos with mango salsa! I haven’t had them that good since the last time I was in Mexico.
\nSo, our trip is winding down. We need to do the housekeeping things you do when you stay at someone else’s home. We’ll pack up and take all but what we need tonight and stow it in the truck. Then tomorrow morning, we’ll head back to West Virginia. As I write this tonight though, I am sitting in the big chair, curled up, with the sliding glass door open so I can hear the waves crashing on the beach not one hundred steps away. The sea breeze is freshened by the evening rain and it feels cool on my skin. It’s time to go home.
\n❤️
\n“You rule the raging of the sea; when its waves rise, you still them.”\n\n", "date_published": "2019-06-20T01:30:43-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/06/20/memories-of-a-disaster.html", "tags": ["Travel","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Wisdom","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/06/15/facebook-memories.html", "title": "Facebook Memories", "content_html": "Psalms 89:9 ESV
![\"Home](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/ec2fffce65.jpg\")
“The Storm King House”
Oh, sometimes those memories that pop up on your timeline are killers, aren’t they? On my birthday, five years ago, I put my Colorado house on the market. I bought this house when Hubby #2 and I split up. It was about a third built and I chose my colors, carpeting, cabinets and countertops, and all the plumbing and lighting fixtures. Even though Daughter #2 was only eleven years old, she spent three weeks at a time with each of us. It was, essentially, the first time I’d ever lived sort of alone.
\nI was so proud of the house. I did the landscaping myself…laying sod, planting trees and flowers. This was before the days of “TOW-Wanda” so my little house was my sanctuary. I decorated like girls lived there…because, they did. I had green and white striped sofas and lots of florals. No TV. The antique rolltop desk that my uncle left to me when he died sat where an entertainment center was supposed to go.
\nI didn’t have curtains. I needed all the light I could get. I loved that house. Then, Mr. Virgo came along. Six months after he moved into the house, he diplomatically asked if I had ever given any thought to redecorating. I think the fru-fru girly stuff was getting to his mountain man sensibilities. I acquiesced and when we were married, we got rid of all the furniture and started over.
\nA friend of mine was moving to Hilton Head and didn’t want to take the furniture from her million dollar house, so I bought about $25,000 worth of furniture from her for $4,000. We painted the first floor living area as loft gold, hung tapestry valances, and brought in the new furniture. We had the painting behind the dining room table done by a Colorado artist. And we found the breakfast table and chairs at a local furniture store.
\nI felt so….grown up. All this sophisticated furniture with my homey touches of family antiques filled my heart. I really, REALLY loved my house.
\nThen Mr. Virgo died. We had just refinanced the house five months before he died. In order to give us flexibility with payments, we went with a thirty year mortgage with the understanding we would pay it off quickly when we were flush and still stay afloat on the lean months. Now I was faced with a tenth of the income and a mortgage that wouldn’t be paid off till I was ninety years old!
\nI quickly began to hate the house. It needed new carpet, new windows, new appliances, new paint. It was nickel and dime-ing me to death. And there were memories around every corner. I couldn’t stand it. I stayed away as much as I could. They tell you not to make any major decisions in the first year after losing your spouse. So, I waited till the next summer and decided to sell.
\nI wouldn’t change a thing, really. I made my decisions based on what I was faced with in the moment. I suppose, maybe I could have kept the house and rented it out, but that just presents a whole different set of problems. We went through that when we rented it out for three years while we worked around the state. In reality, it would have been cumbersome.
\nDo I miss it? I don’t know…I look at these pictures and remember how beautiful it was. I remember all my stuff I had in it. I think the thing I miss the most is that great front porch. But that is not the life I live now. That was then. This is now. I have a life now that I wouldn’t trade for the world. And, when we build our retirement home, we can make it any way we want it. And I’ll have a big front porch just like this one. That’s the one thing I’ll ask for special.
\nFacebook Memories….sometimes they blindside you. Sometimes they show you’re right where you’re supposed to be.
\n❤️
\n“For every house is built by someone, but God is the builder of everything.” Hebrews 3:4 NIV\n", "date_published": "2019-06-15T01:30:16-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/06/15/facebook-memories.html", "tags": ["Colorado","Family","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Hope","Growth","Gratitude","Wisdom","Courage","Downsizing","Choices","Change","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/06/05/finding-my-father.html", "title": "Finding my Father", "content_html": "
![\"Father](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/6c6d0a0742.jpg\")
“I don’t remember having a loving relationship with my dad…ever.”
Father’s Day is coming soon. I don’t remember ever seeing a photo of my dad holding me. I don’t remember him offering his hand to help me walk. I don’t recall any kissed booboos or falling asleep in his lap. I do remember him bouncing my brother and me on his knees to the tune of Bonanza when it aired on Sunday nights. I remember watching fireworks from the car three blocks away from the park. I remember going fishing with him…once. I wouldn’t touch the worm. He was done.
\nMy relationship with my dad was complicated. Like every little girl, I sought his approval. It never came. I sought his love. He didn’t know how to give it. He never saw me sing on stage. He never watched me perform on the balance beam. As my brother and I aged, Dad became more and more lost in a bottle of Four Roses.
\nBy the time I was an antagonistic teenager, our relationship had devolved into angry shouting matches and stony silence. He became “the man who lived upstairs”. I married and left home with the first boy who would have me and I didn’t look back. By the time I was twenty-one, to my mother’s great relief, they were divorced.
\nDad went back to his roots and moved into a trailer on his sister’s farm. As a widow, she was extremely careful of her reputation and when dad had to be driven home from the bar one night, she stormed into his trailer the next morning and struck him on the bottom of the feet with an iron skillet. She informed him there would never be another incident like that or he would find himself out on his ear. He ended up going on the wagon and found Jesus and married a childhood friend.
\nI never really knew that man…the one all my cousins knew. The one all the town knew. The one who went to church every Sunday and became the model citizen…to everyone outside. But inside? Our relationship stayed exactly the same. His modus operandi was “blame and shame”. I tried. Lord knows I tried to have a relationship with him. But, in order to do that, I needed to talk about what had happened and he wasn’t interested.
\nIf he would have just once said “I’m sorry, Sis.” Oh, I learned to forgive him because he did what he knew, but that apology would have gone a long way toward mending my broken heart. Instead, I married father replacements. First, the stern disciplinarian. Then the busy doctor who couldn’t express his true feelings. Then Mr. Virgo came along and healed that spot in my heart that needed to know I was loved and cherished and….wanted.
\nStill, I remember my therapist telling me one time, “You know, Ginny…you’re never going to find your father’s love.” I was bereft. It was as if the final page was read and the book snapped shut. The End!
\nWhat do I do now?
\nI went on. I put a bandaid over the spot where I wanted dad-memories in my heart and went on. After all, I was an adult. I was functioning as best I could with what I had to work with. It was ok, I said to myself. I don’t need a father. I don’t need anybody. Mr. Virgo was the only man I really let in and even he didn’t get to see every room.
\nThen…my dad died.
\nThen…Mr. Virgo died.
\nI was never, ever going to feel that unconditional love again.
\nI was wrong. I found love again…deep, true, lasting love with Mr. FixIt. And, I was a Christian. I had God. He was my Heavenly Father…but, I still wanted a DAD!
\nThis has been on my heart a lot in the last few weeks. And, just like clockwork, here came the Holy Spirit to minister to that sore place within me. Recently, every sermon has been some variation of this theme.
\n“Your dad wasn’t there for you. It’s ok. You don’t need him. He was here to do what only he could do and it hurt. But here….I’ve got some really great news for you.
\n“God IS your dad! He loves you…absolutely…unconditionally. He CRAVES when you come sit with him and lay your head on his shoulder. He WANTS you to take his hand and walk with him. He LOVES it when you talk to him and tell him how your day went and share worries of your mind. He DESIRES you to trust him like the dad that he is. He NEEDS you to know he isn’t ever going to leave you….not ever!”
\nWow! How awesome is that? Knowing this…I mean really deep down in my bones KNOWING this…has healed some place deep inside my heart. I don’t have to look for my dad anywhere but up. When I want to hear him talking to me, I read the words he left for me to follow. When I don’t please him, he lets me know. The most important thing he wants me to know is I am the joy of his heart. The object of his greatest longing.
\nFinally….finally I found my father….in my Father.
\n❤️
\n“The same way a loving father feels toward his children— that’s but a sample of your tender feelings toward us, your beloved children, who live in awe of you.” Psalms 103:13 TPT\n", "date_published": "2019-06-05T01:30:35-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/06/05/finding-my-father.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Forgiveness","Courage","Aging","Choices","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/05/31/keep-moving-forwardalways.html", "title": "Keep Moving Forward...Always", "content_html": "
![\"Wedding](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/c2e94a63b9.jpg\")
“I’ve finished the wedding quilt!”
I have over 28,000 emails on my iPhone. This makes my daughter crazy. She says, “What if you missed something???” I say, “Yeah, there’s always a chance of that. But, what if I stayed on my phone for 8 hours a day reading, answering, or deleting every e-mail that came through? I wouldn’t get anything else done.”
\nI have been known to miss an occasional message, but for the most part, when I scan through, I see the important stuff. A couple of weeks ago, I saw something intriguing come through. Someone was searching for quotes about if or how and why blogging through grief has helped me cope. I wrote back and didn’t think much more about it.
\nIt was a rainy, cool day yesterday. I cuddled up in my little camper and stitched the binding on my daughter’s wedding quilt and listened to the rain hit the roof. Occasionally, I caught a glimpse of something brown running by and under my camper. It was two large rabbits. They chased each other all afternoon and made me smile. They made me think of Watership Down. One stopped beneath my window in plain sight. I whispered, “Be careful of the hrududus, bunny!”
\nSometimes I feel like I run out of things to say here. I think maybe you’ve heard every story I ever knew. Sometimes I think I begin to sound like your slightly dotty Aunt Felicity who tells you everything she ate today. I know that’s an exaggeration, but still…I wonder if I’m wearing out my welcome. When I stitch or knit or mow or drive, I have conversations with God and I ask him to tell me when I’m done. And, every…single…time, He sends me someone to tell me, “No, dear one. Not yet. Someone tomorrow needs your stories.”
\nAs I stitched on my daughter’s wedding quilt, I watched old black & white reruns of the Andy Griffith Show. Up popped a message from a reader I haven’t heard from in four and a half years. In those years she had lost a husband. Had gained a love. And nearly lost him to a silent heart attack. My posts that they’ve been reading together helped them to see how life can change in an instant. They are working together to create a new life, new adventures, in a new direction. They asked me to please keep doing what I’m doing. It made me cry. God knows our hearts. He hears our pleas. And he sends us answers if we’ll just slow down and listen and pay attention.
\nAfter reading that, another message popped up. It was from the woman who wrote to me two weeks ago seeking that quote and the article was published yesterday. I read down through the stories of all the people she had quoted and realized two of them I am connected with on Twitter. I’ll connect with the others now.
\nGrief is a solitary business yet it thrusts us into a community of others going through similar experiences. The biggest point I made in my story for the article was this…you are not alone. No matter how hard grief is. No matter how isolating it is. No matter how crazy and lonely and forgetful it makes you…you are never truly alone. For me…I have Jesus and my family and you guys.
\nI’m not about to quit on that.
\nYou can read the collection of stories here: https://www.aklander.co.uk/news/why-blogging-can-help-with-grief
\n❤️
\n“For that reason, I don’t run just for exercise or box like one throwing aimless punches, but I train like a champion athlete. I subdue my body and get it under my control, so that after preaching the good news to others I myself won’t be disqualified.”\n\n", "date_published": "2019-05-31T01:30:48-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/05/31/keep-moving-forwardalways.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Hope","Growth","Gratitude","God","Wisdom","Courage","Choices","Change","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/05/27/memorial-day.html", "title": "Memorial Day 2019", "content_html": "1 Corinthians 9:26-27 TPT
![\"George](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/5e6568dcf0.jpg\")
“He was a soldier. He was a son.”
They called him Sonny. He was their bright ray of sunshine. Smart, sensitive, talented, destined to go far. When Grandma and Pop-Pop got the telegram that their Sonny was gone, part of them died in that moment as well. People said they were never the same. I wouldn’t know what they were like before. I was not yet two when Sonny’s plane went down.
\nSometimes I think I remember him. But then I realize it’s his pictures and the loving stories told about him that made my Uncle Sonny alive for me. I was told he loved me. He told my mom he wanted a picture of me on a bearskin rug in my “all-together”…in other words, a chubby baby with a hundred fat rolls, buns up on a blanket. This was back in the days when something like that could be done without thinking the person admiring the photo is a pedophile.
\nMom complied and I was told he kept that photo in the cockpit of the plane. But, mom told me a lot of things that turned out to be untrue. For instance, she said he was shot down by Russians. In 1955. Over Landstuhl Air Base in Germany. She said grandma was comforted when she received his personal effects and his wallet didn’t smell like smoke. She was comforted that her boy didn’t burn.
\nMany years later, when the internet was new and I was helping my mom with her beloved genealogy, I started digging into the crash that took Uncle Sonny’s life. I think the only thing I had to work with at the time was a dial up modem and CompuServe. After meticulously searching, I came up with an aviation archaeologist. He specialized in finding reports on old plane crashes. I believe I paid him $40 and a few weeks later, I received a thick packet in the mail.
\nThe archaeologist came up with the official Air Force report of the crash and in the process of reading it and asking questions, I got a lot of answers. First, he definitely was not shot down by the Russians. Secondly, pilots do not fly with personal effects, meaning…neither his wallet nor my picture accompanied him in the cockpit that fateful day. That was information I didn’t share with the rest of the family. I don’t remember if my Grandma was still living at this time or not. There’s just some things you don’t need to discuss after some sense of resolution has been met.
\nThere was information that I found disturbing. Sonny needed to log some flight hours. The only plane available that day was an old fighter jet that was on it’s way to become a static display. In other words, it was past its usefulness. In the three days leading up to the crash, four separate engines had been installed.
\nThe morning of the crash dawned gray and foggy. Uncle Sonny went through the usual preflight check. The ground crew walked around the plane and somehow, someone failed to notice the intake baffles were in the wrong position for the weather conditions. When he took off, he flew around the base a couple of times without incident. Then someone noticed a shift in the engine sound and looked up. The plane had slowed down considerably and was losing altitude.
\nNo one can know for certain what went on in the cockpit that day. The witness on the ground said he couldn’t understand why my uncle didn’t eject and let the plane go down. It wasn’t until the full investigation that it was determined the trajectory of the plane would have sent it into the barracks where countless airmen would still be preparing for their day. Instead, Uncle Sonny steered the plane toward an open potato field that had recently been plowed. I’m sure, with his farming experience, he knew that would be a fairly soft place to land.
\nAs he struggled to keep the engine going and the plane aloft, he noticed a gap between the trees surrounding the potato field. It was narrow, but if he tipped his right wing at the right moment, he could just squeak through. Unfortunately, the sudden dip in the right wing caused the engine to stall even further and the tip of the wing hit the ground. This caused the plane to cartwheel.
\nUncle Sonny was found still strapped in his ejector seat in an upright position…as though he were waiting for someone to come by and have a chat. His helmet was cracked from the impact and he died from blunt force trauma. And, even though his wallet wasn’t with him and neither was my bare butt photo…he didn’t burn. It was over quickly.
\nIn my opinion, my Uncle Sonny was a hero. I’m sure he saved countless lives that day. But there was no award, no medal, no call from a grateful President. Maybe that was best. Grandma was not one for making a fuss. “Fools names, like their faces, always seen in public places.” She was a private, unassuming woman with great dignity.
\nSonny was laid to rest on a hilltop cemetery fifteen or so miles from the farm. One by one, our loved ones joined him. First Pop-Pop, then Grandma, then my mom, then Uncle Bob. I go twice a year to see them and I always hang around him a little longer. I wish I could have known him. I am comforted knowing there was such a beautiful homecoming when the Lord came to take the others to join my Uncle Sonny and Jesus.
\nThis day is so much more than another day off, another reason for a party. This is the day when we honor the fallen…all who gave their lives in the line of duty. Not just military. We remember all who have gone before us and we decorate their graves. Thank you…for giving your all. My heart is with those who had to go on without you.
\n❤️
\n“For the greatest love of all is a love that sacrifices all. And this great love is demonstrated when a person sacrifices his life for his friends.”\n\n", "date_published": "2019-05-27T01:30:40-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/05/27/memorial-day.html", "tags": ["Family","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Strong Women","West Virginia","The Farm","Gratitude","Grace","God","Fear","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/05/26/smoke.html", "title": "Smoke", "content_html": "John 15:13 TPT
![\"Smoke\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/c7951b9595.jpg\")
“Life has a certain synchronicity. It swirls round and round like wisps of smoke.”
Mail delivery is different when you live on a rural route. When you drive out any two lane blacktop, there are dirt roads that go off up into hollers. There may be a dozen or more houses up there, but it wouldn’t be feasible to send a mail carrier up every little dirt track. So, you often see a whole row of mailboxes on the corner and everyone has to pick up their own mail. Our mailbox is across the two lane from the Ponderosa so we either walk up or stop on our way out when we go somewhere.
\nWhen I first moved in with Mr. FixIt, I seldom got any mail here. I have a post office box that I use for my business so it was just easier for me to get all my mail there. Because the majority of the mail was his, I never really saw it unless I picked it up. Mr. FixIt was throwing away junk mail one day and casually remarked, for some reason he had received coupons for cigarettes. He couldn’t figure out how in the world he ever got on their mailing list.
\nWe went into town yesterday to decorate graves on Mr. FixIt’s side of the family. We stopped to get the mail and there was another cigarette advertisement. He handed me the mail and said, “See? We got it again!” I sat there, holding the mail in my hands. For a moment, my heart skipped a beat and I could barely breathe.
\n“Is this the brand you got before?” I asked.
\n“Yes. It’s always the same.”
\nI ran my fingers over the familiar green box and smiled. Kools.
\n“You know…this is Mr. Virgo’s brand.”
\n“Whoa. That’s weird.”
\n“No…not weird. It’s just a message. A sort of hello from beyond.”
\nI don’t know how things work on the other side exactly. I know there is heaven. And I know the Bible says there is a veil between the worlds and those in heaven cannot see or connect with their loved ones on earth. I also know God loves us and wants to comfort our hearts when we lose loved ones so He sends us things that strike a chord with us. In my case…bluebirds. A particular song that’s out of place. Flickering lights. And, an ad. Of all the cigarette brands that are out there, the one that came was Mr. Virgo’s. It’s not even what I would consider a top brand. Why that one? On Memorial Day weekend?
\nI reached over and took my husband’s hand. I smiled and looked out the window at the passing scenery. I marveled at this lovely life and all its synchronicity…curling round and round like wisps of smoke.
\n“Hello, Mr. Virgo” I said softly. “Thanks for coming to see us.”
\n❤️
\n“Now they know that everything that you have given me is from you.”\n\n", "date_published": "2019-05-26T01:30:10-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/05/26/smoke.html", "tags": ["Family","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Hope","Positive Energy","West Virginia","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","Love","Peace","Wisdom","Courage","Change","Widow","Marriage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/05/08/too-close-to-home.html", "title": "Too Close to Home", "content_html": "John 17:7 ESV
![\"School](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/57405224ec.jpg\")
“How many more children have to die before something is done about this?”
Another school shooting. Seven miles from Columbine. They recently observed the 20th anniversary of the school shooting that seemed to change everything. Copycat killers, looking for moments of notoriety, sprung up everywhere, it seems.
\nWhat is causing all this? I have my theories. Personally, I think things started taking a giant slide down a slippery slope when Dr. Spock said don’t spank your kids. I’m not for violence by any means, but my kids got a proper swat on their butts when they were out of line. And they are great adults.
\nKids aren’t given outlets for their anger anymore. I was talking with my son-in-law’s mom last night. Her mother was discussing this with her contemporaries in the assisted living center at supper. She said, in her day and age, there were bullies, and kids got in scraps, but you had a row and got it over with. Now, children are handled with kid gloves and they can’t fight back.
\nThey also get left with video games and the internet as their babysitters. You cannot tell me that violent video games don’t have an impact on children today. How can it not? You can’t sit for hours at a time, shooting and maiming “people” in this realistic scenarios and not be desensitized to the violence. It becomes the norm.
\nThis one hit close to home. While not in my daughter’s district, she teaches at a STEM school and my granddaughter is a student at that same school. (Not the one where the shooting occurred yesterday, thank God.) She used to work with many of the teachers at the school where the shooting occurred. The principal is my daughter’s sister-in-law’s best friend.
\nThis is getting too close.
\nThey’re ALL too close!
\nSomething has to be done. Our children go into a war zone every single day. Teachers and school staff, too. This is not the country we were raised in. It’s not the country my children were raised in either. I own guns. But my guns are locked up in a safe. I have a .22 hidden when I am at the farm in case I’m bothered by a two-legged varmint.
\nI pray. I pray a lot. But, something has to be done. Our children are killing and being killed. Prayers are wonderful…but we need more. I’m not writing this to invite debate. This is not the place for that. There are better places for that…like with our representatives. I’m just crying out as a Nana. A very, very concerned Nana.
\nAs an aside…I arrived at the campground without incident.
\nI pray for those families. The ones who got the call. And for the families of the shooters. how horrifying.
\n???
\n“For this is the message that you have heard from the beginning, that we should love one another. We should not be like Cain, who was of the evil one and murdered his brother. And why did he murder him? Because his own deeds were evil and his brother's righteous.\n\n \n", "date_published": "2019-05-08T01:30:06-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/05/08/too-close-to-home.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","God","Anger","Fear","Courage","Warning","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/05/06/i-saw-you-there.html", "title": "I Saw You There", "content_html": "\n
We know that we have passed out of death into life, because we love the brothers. Whoever does not love abides in death. Everyone who hates his brother is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life abiding in him.”
\n\n
1 John 3:11-12, 14-15 ESV
![\"Hand\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/58bd90f058.jpg\")
“I saw you there…and did nothing.”
I saw you there…sitting on the porch with your head in your hands. You looked like you were feeling pretty rough. “It’s Sunday morning so maybe you partied a little too hearty last night,” I thought to myself. We were picking up the grandkids next door to go to church. It never occurred to me to ask if you’d like to join us. We were running a little late. And…well, you know…you looked a little rough. Maybe you wouldn’t feel up to going.
\nI heard the news a couple days ago. You OD’d the other night. Heroin. The kids said you weren’t a junky. You were “just a partier”. Now I understand why you looked so rough that Sunday morning.
\nThey showed me your mama’s post on Facebook. It was all in CAPS…like she was screaming. Which…I’m sure she was. And still is…whether we can hear her or not. She posted your picture, lying there in ICU, eyes puffy and blue, lids closed, the ventilator tube the only indicator you aren’t just asleep.
\nYour mama says you’re not going to wake up. She said your little boy came to see you and asked his mamaw why his Daddy wouldn’t wake up. She said your little girl is too little. She’ll never remember.
\nThey say your party buddies just let you lay there that night. There were warrants out for them and if they called the cops, they’d get arrested themselves. Man…you understand, right? Right? These were your FRIENDS?! They dragged you to the shower and turned the water on for awhile. They said you’d snap out of it…so they just left you there as your brain slowly died from not enough oxygen. Or, maybe it was already dead. Who knows what was really in that crap you put in your body? The dealers cut the heroin with whatever they have handy that looks like heroin. Crushed up pills…baking soda…who knows? The dealer you got it from probably cut it. How many dealers touched it before it got to you? Who knows…who knows…who knows.
\nYour mama’s going to have to take you off the machines now. She begged you just the night before to leave that stuff alone. It was your 20th birthday. She told you it was going to kill you. She had no idea that less than 24 hours later, she’d get the call. You told her you didn’t shoot up the stuff. You were cool. You’d be fine.
\nAnother mama lost her son.
\nAnother baby lost her daddy.
\nAnother boy will grow up without a man to show him how.
\nAnother wife will be a widow.
\nsigh
\nWhat if? What if I would have rolled down the window and called your name? What if I would have said, “Hey…come with us! Come to church with us. We’ll take you out for a big breakfast after! C’mon…climb in!”
\nBut…I didn’t ask.
\nAnother opportunity missed.
\nAnother man down.
\nDamn drugs.
\nI’m sorry…..I should have called your name.
\n?
\n““I have the right to do anything,” you say—but not everything is beneficial. “I have the right to do anything”—but I will not be mastered by anything.” 1 Corinthians 6:12 NIV\n\n", "date_published": "2019-05-06T01:30:15-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/05/06/i-saw-you-there.html", "tags": ["Grief","Courage","Warning","Choices"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/05/04/unbeatable-laughterunbearable-tears.html", "title": "Unbeatable Laughter...Unbearable Tears", "content_html": "“Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ himself?…” 1 Corinthians 6:15 NIV
![\"Cake](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/a81022cd1a.jpg\")
“Chocolate cake pops aren’t the most delectable looking things till they get their pretty candy coating.”
The last couple of days were an incredible jumble of extreme emotions. First, we had an intense discussion about the impact of addiction in this area and on our lives. It was deeply personal and what is said in the room, stays in the room. Suffice it to say, I could not wait to get out and call my daughters and thank them for never going down that particular path. As I left messages for them…(who’s kid ever answers the phone these days?)…I broke down in tears. Because…instead of my kids being addicted…it had been me when they were growing up. I hate that I exposed them to opioid and alcohol abuse and the aftermath it caused. But, what the enemy tried to kill, God has used to our good and His glory.
\nLater in the evening, Daughter #1 called me back. I adore both of my girls and they couldn’t be more different. My firstborn has always been the strong, dependable kid who turned into a wonderful woman and an excellent mother, but she’s not a terribly demonstrative person. She is a little crusty on the outside but soft in the center but she’d rather chew off her arm than show it. When I answered the phone, I could hear that slightly vulnerable tenderness in her voice that I so seldom get to hear and my heart melted.
\nShe went on to regale me with a story about her evening. It seems HER firstborn informed her earlier in the week that she needed cake pops for a going away party for one of her friends. She needed them yesterday. And…she wanted them shaped like pineapples for some reason. Now, Daughter #1 is highly creative, and an incredible teacher, but she was not particularly crafty or interested in baking when she was young. It’s amazing what we do for our kids, isn’t it?
\nShe looked up how to make cake pops on YouTube and Pinterest. She e-mailed her principal who makes cake pops for stress relief. She found out that…surprise, surprise…cake pops are not baked in molds with sticks in them and then dipped in frosting. Actually, you bake the cake, let it cool, crumble it up very fine, then mix in a little bit of frosting. Just enough to work it together into a ball but not enough to get it wet. I had no idea!
\nSince my granddaughter asked for chocolate, my daughter baked two layers of chocolate cake. Then she used a small ice cream scoop to make balls of the dough and rolled them into a slightly oblong egg shape to represent little pineapples. Then she stuck sticks in them that had been dipped in the melted candy coating so they would stick. At this point, it struck her what her little creations actually LOOKED like and she had to send me pictures. We laughed til we cried. It was so delightful. I was so proud of her…for everything. Being a good kid and a great mom. For having a sense of humor. For loving me so much, even though I make her crazy half the time and she can’t let me know either way.
\nThen, yesterday, one of my mom’s cousins texted to tell me another cousin in Illinois passed away on Sunday. That made me sad because I just loved Betty Mae. When she and her family came to West Virginia to visit my grandma, it was an EVENT, I’m telling you. I sent a potted plant with a note and then called my aunt and uncle to make sure they knew.
\nRemember I told you I made the difficult decision to not go to my niece’s graduation in Indiana? Well, I found out the graduation is outside today…in the rain…in Indiana…in tornado season. They’re giving them ponchos to wear. Oy! That’s not why God prompted me to cancel, though. Mr. FixIt was driving home yesterday and he got the strongest urge to call his best friend. When he did, his friend was crying because his wife had just passed away. His friend is going to need him here and I am so grateful I listened to the whispers of the Holy Spirit telling me not to go!
\nThe camper is almost ready for my big camping trip next week. I installed a new smoke detector yesterday, packed some things in the overhead cabinets over the dinette, added deodorizer to the tanks, and swept the floors. There were a couple of very small holes on the wall where I removed some curtain hardware so I filled them with a little caulking. I tried putting the quilts that I wanted to use on the bed but they are too small for the queen bed. That’s ok…I’ll use the all white quilt I used in big TOW-Wanda and just fold the extra quilts at the bottom of the bed for decoration. The only thing left to do is wash the floors and windows, lay down the rugs, take out the trash, and finish packing. It’s supposed to storm all day today, so I can get in there and play…and maybe we’ll camp in the driveway tonight!
\n❤️
\n“So I commend the enjoyment of life, because there is nothing better for a person under the sun than to eat and drink and be glad. Then joy will accompany them in their toil all the days of the life God has given them under the sun.” Ecclesiastes 8:15 NIV\n\n \n", "date_published": "2019-05-04T01:30:38-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/05/04/unbeatable-laughterunbearable-tears.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Fun","West Virginia","Gratitude","Grace","Love","Wisdom","Forgiveness","Choices","Change","Be Joyful!"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/05/01/uncle.html", "title": "Uncle!", "content_html": "“‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”” Revelation 21:4 NIV
![\"Bedding\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/f1413f75d8.jpg\")
“When you’re tired and overwhelmed, it’s ok to say Uncle!”
Every day since we got home from the beach has been packed full. Long hours of mowing thick, wet grass. Unpacking. Cleaning. Finally, we had to split the chores yesterday and Mr. FixIt went to the farm to mow while I worked on de-winterizing the camper. First, I filled the freshwater tank and added a little bleach to sanitize it. Then I went in and turned on the pump. It’s supposed to run a little bit, build up pressure, then shut itself off. It didn’t. As I stood in front of the kitchen sink, listening as a pitiful stream of water came from the faucet, I could hear water splashing outside.
\nI went out and around the camper and there was water coming out of the water heater compartment. I opened it up and saw the plug was an old type and it was rusted through. Not a good sign. I was told the camper had been fully inspected two years ago and everything worked fine. And, while I should have taken the camper to someone to have it inspected again, I trusted mine and Mr. FixIt’s camper knowledge. Besides, it was very difficult to really get in and have a look at the inner workings in the driveway where it was parked. I don’t think the previous owner was trying to scam me. I just don’t think she used the service systems because she only took it out three or four times to sleep over at horse shows.
\nI knew there was nothing I could do without getting a new plug. I towed the camper to an RV service center and the guy was kind enough to stop what he was doing and put a plug in. Then he proceeded to have a look around the camper and started telling me all the things that were wrong with it and made me feel generally inept and stupid. One thing he pointed out, which I hadn’t noticed was…the tires were seven years old. Even if the tread looks good and there’s no evidence of dry rot, you really shouldn’t run a trailer on tires over five years old.
\nMy next stop was a local tire shop owned by a woman. I’ve talked with her before and I’m so impressed that she built this business from scratch. I got four trailer tires for $65 each, mounted and balanced. Then I drove to a rest area with a dump station to empty and clean the waste tanks. A camper has two waste tanks on it…”grey water” from the sinks and shower and “black water” from the toilet. That wasn’t much of a chore as they had been emptied previously. They just needed a good flushing.
\nOnce I was finished with the tanks, I tried turning the pump on and it still wouldn’t build up pressure and shut off. That means the system isn’t sealed and there’s a leak somewhere. I didn’t see water anywhere and there was nothing dripping. By this point, I was tired, hungry, and pretty darned frustrated. I kept telling myself I’d bought a piece of junk camper and I was pretty low by the time I got home.
\nMr. FixIt called. I poured out all my fears and frustrations and he asked me to tell him one thing at a time. He said they were all fairly small things and relatively easy to fix. At the most, I may need a new hot water heater, a water pump, and new propane regulator. He said I didn’t buy a piece of junk, but it is twelve years old. There are bound to be some things that will need fixing.
\nI got home and walked in the door. There is still a toilet, a sink, and half a shower stall in my living room. I suddenly felt defeated and sat down to think it through. When I made arrangements to attend my niece’s graduation in Indiana, I didn’t realized how tight I had planned these three trips. Four days between the first and second trip and only one day between the second and third. It took us three full days just to mow both properties. How was I possibly going to pull this off?
\nI prayed about it for a while and talked with Mr. FixIt again and two of my trusted friends and they all said…set some priorities…get some rest…it’s ok to say no. I hated the idea of cancelling the Indiana trip. I hate missing my niece’s graduation and getting to see her family. And, I hate disappointing anyone. But, you know what? I’m not thirty-five anymore. I’m not fifty-five anymore. I’m nearly sixty-six and while, in many ways that is still young, I have to admit to myself I can’t do it all. I get tired easier. I get overwhelmed easier. I’ve noticed this since losing Mr. Virgo.
\nSo, I wrote a long note and sent it to my niece and her mom. I explained why we couldn’t come and while they will miss us, they understand. I immediately felt a weight lift off my shoulders and I cried with relief. It’s ok to cry “Uncle!” I turned on the air conditioning, crawled under a blanket, and rested…for the first time in weeks, it seems.
\n❤️
\n““Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”” Matthew 11:28-30 NIV\n", "date_published": "2019-05-01T01:30:16-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/05/01/uncle.html", "tags": ["Health","Family","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Growth","God","Wisdom","Aging","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/04/30/i-choose-joy.html", "title": "I Choose Joy!", "content_html": "
![\"Surf](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/317f78c236.jpg\")
“I’m choosing joy by choosing to remember the special moments we spent at the seashore last week.”
Even though Pastor Justin’s message Sunday morning was about choosing joy, I just had one of my “bad nights”. Yesterday’s post indicated I felt the weight of the world on my shoulders, and I did. Re-entry from vacation was part of it. Being overly tired was another. And, after being gone a week, there was a lot of catching up to do and we just heard one bad thing after another all day. It just hit me hard. Combine that with eating a greasy burger too late in the evening and I was up half the night.
\nI tried all my go-to remedies and nothing seemed to help. I was up pacing the floor. I tried snuggling with Mr. FixIt and that helped, but I was too hot. Finally, I took a Benadryl because I had been out mowing all afternoon and my head was throbbing. I settled into the guest room, opened the window to let the cool night air in, and read my Bible till I got drowsy. When I finally slept, it was sound and deep and restful…just what I asked God for in my nightly prayers. He is a good Father…His lullaby is perfect.
\nI hit the ground running yesterday and went for the MRI of my foot. I’ve had several MRI’s in my lifetime. I couldn’t believe it took a whole hour! It was an open MRI and, of course, the only thing in it was my foot. But the noises were the same. The technician turned up the music really loud and I listened to the country station for an hour. The only hard part was boredom thinking of all the things I could have been doing. Laying still on my back for an hour on a hard table wasn’t too much fun. I just used the time to have a conversation with God.
\nI needed to have fasting blood drawn from an appointment a couple of weeks ago and I kept forgetting to go in so I did that. Then I stopped at the mall and bought yet another dress for the wedding. I can’t seem to make up my mind but this one I really liked and it was 50% off. I can wear it to my niece’s college graduation this weekend and see how I like it. I even found some cute little sandals that were also half price. I’m not buying any more dresses!
\nMy last stop was Walmart for new sheets for the camper. I’m not one for keeping a lot of old sheets around. I buy two pair and rotate them till they’re worn out. I’ll bet I could count on two hands how many sets of sheets I’ve had in my life. Funny thing…they are exactly the same pattern as the sheets I bought for the big camper five years ago. I would have used those, but they were full size and the new camper ya s a queen bed. I also picked up a couple of throw rugs and a new shower curtain. Everything else will get moved from the old camper to the new one.
\nBefore we leave, I need to treat the fresh water tank with a mild bleach solution and run it through the pipes. Then I need to put some Dawn dish soap, Calgon Water Softener, more water, and a bag of ice in the black tank and take the camper for a drive to let it all slosh around in the tank and dislodge anything gunking up the works. I will drive up to a rest area up north and empty the tanks and get them all ready for Thursday. Once I get back home, I’ll make the beds and wipe down the surfaces. I’ll wipe out the fridge and the cabinets and wash the floors. Once the bathroom is cleaned, I can put down the new rugs. I’ll pack it up and we’ll be ready to go!
\nSo…today I choose joy. Even in the busy rush of life and travel preparation. Just breathe. Just breathe.
\n❤️
\n“When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought me joy.” Psalm 94:19 NIV\n", "date_published": "2019-04-30T01:30:27-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/04/30/i-choose-joy.html", "tags": ["Faith","Health","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","Peace","Wisdom","Courage","Choices","Marriage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/04/27/goodbyefor-now.html", "title": "Goodbye...For Now", "content_html": "
![\"Best](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/be73289f45.jpg\")
“Best Friends”
Goodbyes are so hard…especially since losing Mr. Virgo. My world perspective has forever changed and grief has colored every thought since that fateful day. I am so aware of how tenuous life is and how strong the bonds between us and those we hold most dear.
\nToday we have to say so long to our dearest family/friends as they head back home to Colorado and we head back home to the Ponderosa. We have had such a delightful week. The weather seriously couldn’t have been more perfect. Our first morning here dawned sunny and gorgeous and remained the same the entire week until a band of severe thunder storms came through last evening. It rained hard into the night and brought cooler temperatures but today is supposed to be sunny with a high around 70 so it will be perfect traveling weather.
\nWhile grief and death are not in the forefront of my thoughts anymore, there are certain things that have changed because of my loss. Now, when I see a scene, I see it through the eyes of a widow and know the scenes I wish I had pictures of. As we watched the sunset in a quiet cove along the sound in the Cape Hatteras National Seashore the other night, I looked back. I noticed Ben & Sue turn to take in the last of the golden light as the sun dipped below the horizon over the glassy surface of the water. I smiled as Sue reached for Ben’s hand and I reached for my cell phone to snap this picture. I added the location and date and sent it to her.
\nWe do not know when our time will come, but we do know statistically that women outlive their husbands. When Mr. Virgo died, I really had fewer photos of him than I thought. I wanted to make sure Ben & Sue had all the special events of the week recorded for posterity.
\nAs we drove down to the beach last weekend, I kept thinking…”It’ll be over in an instant and we’ll be driving back home.” And, here we are. But…oh, my. We made some beautiful memories together this week and I will cherish this time together for the rest of my life.
\n❤️
\n“How good and pleasant it is when God’s people live together in unity!” Psalm 133:1 NIV\n", "date_published": "2019-04-27T01:30:17-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/04/27/goodbyefor-now.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Travel","Grief","Positive Energy","Fun","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","Love","Peace","Wisdom","Aging","Peaceful Moments","Choices","Be Joyful!","Marriage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/04/10/bad-night-great-day.html", "title": "Bad Night - Great Day", "content_html": "
![\"James](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/37394a4953.jpg\")
“Resist the devil and he will flee.”
I remember back in the first two to three years of my grief, I often had what I referred to as “bad nights”. Nights were especially difficult from the beginning. Too many hours stretched ahead with too much time to think…especially since I had such a hard time sleeping. It didn’t take much to send my mind chasing rabbits and soon a thought would have me in a tailspin. I spent SO many nights alternating between gripping the mattress and throwing up. All. Night. Long. It was brutal.
\nThankfully, that finally evened out. Partially from time and healing, but mostly because I got a grip on my anxiety once I learned it’s source. Some may call it a trick of the mind, but I have been much more successful in not only controlling my anxiety, but sending it packing altogether. Prayer and petition to God to come in and bring me comfort helps tremendously. One thing has really helped me and the old me would have rolled my eyes with a “Right…sure…ok.”
\nThat one thing is banishing Satan. The enemy comes to rob, steal, and destroy. He is the force behind the thoughts “You can’t handle anything.” “You will always have anxiety.” “I’ll make sure you are miserable all the days of your life…this will never get better.” When I feel anxiety creeping in, I talk out loud now. I just tell the old goat to get the heck away from me because I don’t believe his stinking lies.
\nThe second thing I do is listen to praise music. I have discovered if I’m having anxiety and I start playing praise music and singing along, the anxiety dissipates. I cannot be anxious and upset while praising Jesus.
\nAnd…I’m human. Sometimes I forget to do those things and I get caught with my guard down. That’s what happened on Monday when we drove by my dad’s house and saw it had been torn down. I immediately felt sick and I let things spiral. I felt horrible and out of control. I could hardly eat a thing and that night, after writing my post, I tried eating a bowl of cereal and immediately got sick.
\nI did excuse myself to the guest bedroom so as not to interrupt Mr. FixIt’s sleep. I took something to settle my stomach and I read the Bible and listened to praise music. And I asked God to send his angels to wrap their wings around me and keep me safe. I immediately fell into a deep sleep and awoke refreshed and feeling much better.
\nI knew I needed to spend some time at the farm, though. The Farm is my touchstone. I drove out and sorted through my papers to prepare the taxes. I drank coffee and walked around the yard looking at Grandma’s posies. Once the paperwork was sorted, I took a little snooze in Grandma’s bed and finally headed back to The Ponderosa.
\nMr. FixIt did yard work all day. The field looked like a well manicured golf course. He wanted to show me some things so we walked the entire five acres, hand-in-hand, marveling at the spring beauty. We inched through a rose bramble to look for arrowheads on the creek-bank. We moved an old fallen tree. We found violets in the grass and looked for frogs in the ditch along the road.
\nLast night, just before bed, we went out back in our robes and slippers and held hands while we counted stars. The “bad night” of the night before wasn’t even in my memory. It had been banished with a stern warning…spoken aloud…”Get away from me Satan…you have no dominion over me!” He isn’t as powerful as he would like you to think he is. He can’t read our thoughts so we must speak aloud to him.
\nEvery time I get closer to Jesus…every time I raise my hand in church and further commit my heart to Christ…the enemy swings hard. He does this for the precise reason…he knows I’m a threat. He knows who lives in my heart…who is my true north. And he hates that. That’s ok. I can do hard things. I can have a “bad night” if it means I get so much greatness on the other side.
\n❤️
\n“Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.” James 4:7 NIV\n", "date_published": "2019-04-10T01:30:54-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/04/10/bad-night-great-day.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","The Farm","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","God","Peace","Wisdom","Courage","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/04/02/sick-tired.html", "title": "Sick \u0026 Tired", "content_html": "
![\"Elephant](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/7b69958f86.jpg\")
“Can’t we all just get along?”
Those of you who have been reading my blog for some time know that, even in my grief, I’m a pretty upbeat individual. Mr. Virgo used to call me Pollyanna because I always look on the sunny side of life. I objected saying there’s nothing wrong with looking for the light, even in the darkest situations…as long as you don’t stick your head in the sand. I think I keep a weather eye out for the realities of the world while still trying to look on the bright side.
\nI’ve gotta tell ya…and this is in NO WAY a political post…but, I’m just sick and tired of hearing all the ugliness these days. I keep looking for the God-spark in everyone and dang if it isn’t disheartening sometimes. I read something yesterday that punched me in the gut. Teachers can no longer teach kids the way we were taught. Because, the world we were raised for no longer exists. We didn’t have a TV till I was in school. Countries on the other side of the world were nothing but stories in the encyclopedia. We didn’t have indoor plumbing at my grandma’s house till I was in first grade. We went from that to landing a man on the moon by the time I was in high school. To think the computer onboard an Apollo spacecraft was far, far less sophisticated than a Blackberry…and they are archaic in the grand scheme of things.
\nBetween the Information Age, readily accessible electronics, and Joe Public’s thirst for all things that would have been cringeworthy a decade or two ago, we are bombarded with violence. When I grew up, coverage of the Vietnam War and shoot-em-up Westerns were about as violent and graphic as anything you would likely witness unless you saw a terrible accident. You can’t put smoke back in a bottle. Once you see this stuff, it’s in your brain…and in your heart.
\nMr. FixIt and I had to run to town yesterday to get the shower insert for the new bathroom. As I was gathering my things to leave, he asked me to watch a story from CBS Sunday Morning. It was about Sandy and Lonnie Phillips. Their daughter was one of the victims in the 2012 mass shooting in the movie theater in Aurora, CO. She was with a friend who was an EMS. He was shot twice and he did everything he could to save her, but he couldn’t.
\nAs I watched this story, my heart broke for all of them. I know grief. But I know nothing of the grief that comes with violence. Instead of climbing into the never ending hole of horror, they chose to help other victims of mass shootings. They’ve rented their house out, quit their jobs, sold everything they owned, and travel from place to place pulling a travel trailer….following the shootings. They started in Newtown, then went to Isla Vista, San Bernardino, Orlando, Las Vegas, Sutherland Springs, Parkland, Santa Fe, Pittsburg and Thousand Oaks. The equivalent of a soldier with PTSD running into firefight after firefight after bloody firefight with no end in sight.
\nIt brings them no joy. They still cry every day out of sadness and pain and it’s been seven years since their daughter was murdered. But they do find satisfaction in helping others who are coming up the same path behind them. They are able to hang onto each other and offer comfort to others while being bombarded by conspiracy theorists who verbally threaten and harass them. Their super power is compassion.
\nMy soul is tired. My brain is bruised. My heart is weary. “I can do hard things.” But…in reality, can I? Could I do what the Phillips’ are doing? Could I survive such horrors? I think I couldn’t, but I know God could. I know I had to rely on Him to carry me through Mr. Virgo’s death so I have no reason to believe He won’t carry me through everything that comes to me in this life.
\nI’m just so tired of all the anger, hatred, ugliness, violence, pain, depravity. I cling to the joy and hope I find in my faith. I pray for this world. I pray for wisdom. I pray for peace. I pray for strength to get through a time that numbs me. I don’t want to be numb. I want to always, always, always look for the light. Find the good. Encourage the downtrodden. Shine a light in the darkness. See, here’s the thing…there are a lot more good people on this earth than the media will lead you to believe.
\nLook for the light. Look for the helpers. Yes, I get weary…I just can’t quit.
\nSo, I press on. I go outside and put my bare feet on the earth to ground myself. I feel the wind on my face. I close my eyes and turn my face to the sun. I hug people…a lot. It’s the best gift I can give them because I can’t help but get a hug in return.
\nIf all of these things bother you, too…turn off the TV. Put down the newspaper. Go outside. Nature heals.
\n❤️
\n“Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult. On the contrary, repay evil with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing. For, “Whoever would love life and see good days must keep their tongue from evil and their lips from deceitful speech. They must turn from evil and do good; they must seek peace and pursue it. For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and his ears are attentive to their prayer, but the face of the Lord is against those who do evil.”” 1 Peter 3:9-12 NIV\n", "date_published": "2019-04-02T01:30:17-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/04/02/sick-tired.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Growth","God","Wisdom","Fear","Courage","Warning","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/03/26/widowed-or-single.html", "title": "Widowed or Single?", "content_html": "
![\"Widow\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/825ec8b655.jpg\")
“Has the mental image of ‘widow’ changed all that much?
One of my friends shared a post with me yesterday. Ironically, it turns out I know the woman who wrote it. And, I know her well enough to understand what she meant by what she said about being called a widow. The writer, Jan, said she didn’t like the term “widow” because it conjures up this preconceived notion of “old” and “feeble”. As she says, we live in an era where ageism runs rampant. Our gray hair and social mores puts the widow in an unenviable position on more levels than grief alone.
\nJan says she hates going into doctor’s offices and filling out the forms, having to select widowed or single. She has taken to saying she is “single-by-death” because, she DOES feel single. I’m all for changing the vernacular and the image of widows. Of course, the early throes of acute grief is a time where most of us feel old beyond our years, lost, destined to a life of lonely sadness. After that period of crisis, we do begin…in our own time…to heal and move forward. I don’t know any widow who wants to be looked down on and pitied. In this day and age, widows aren’t a bunch of doddering old ladies wearing black and sitting in the corner crying all the time.
\nI hated the term widow, too. I thoroughly resented it at first because I was very, very busy trying to pretend he didn’t die. Calling me a widow just turned a spotlight on my spectacular ruse and left me with nothing but shadow puppets of my former life. I sometimes rebelliously referred to myself as “single-by-chance” simply because I hated the word death as much as I hated the word widow. “Single-by-chance” could cover a lot of situations…death, divorce, break-ups. I liked it. But eventually, I just went with widow and tried to show what one looks like by pulling a huge camper across the country alone and dancing on the bar at Coyote Ugly and going into the wilderness and backroads of Colorado for three months…alone.
\nIn researching photos for this post, I Googled “widow”. There was a plethora of images of spiders and Scarlet Johansson in a black latex catsuit with the occasional Civil War era tintype of a haunted woman in black thrown in for good measure. This got me to thinking…if Google is any indication, maybe the world isn’t as obsessed with the word “widow” as widows themselves are. Widowhood and grief are lonely pursuits. We are singular. We are rather myopic. We have lost half of our whole. At least, we have for a while. Eventually, half reduces itself…bit by tiny little bit.
\nI was widowed…singled-by-chance…surely not by choice. Now that Mr. FixIt and I have married, when I relate my story in my work as a speaker and a writer, I say I was widowed. I suppose in the absolute vernacular, I am a widow. But that is a far smaller piece of who I am today than it used to be. I think that’s the way it should be…for me.
\nThat’s the beauty of language and social norms. We can change things. We can change the words and the images of who we are in the world today. Who we are and how we want to be seen. What works for one may not work for another. Be who…or what…you are. Empirical evidence says…I am a Child of God…first and foremost. The rest is superfluous.
\n❤️
\n““Cursed is anyone who withholds justice from the foreigner, the fatherless or the widow.” Then all the people shall say, “Amen!”” \n\n", "date_published": "2019-03-26T01:30:29-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/03/26/widowed-or-single.html", "tags": ["Faith","Health","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","God","Peace","Wisdom","Courage","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/03/12/angelversary.html", "title": "Angelversary", "content_html": "Deuteronomy 27:19 NIV
![\"Handsome](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/e057599f53.jpg\")
“Remembering Mr. Virgo”
Last year, I removed the date of Mr. Virgo’s death from my calendar so I would no longer receive reminders on my phone. After all, I’m not likely to forget such an event as that anyway. I do have a hard time remembering the exact date of my mom’s death and my grandma’s and my dad’s. I know approximately when they occurred but I have to look it up if I need to know the exact date. Not so with Mr. Virgo’s. I’ll never forget that…or him.
\nIt was six years ago today that we set out to buy the travel trailer to take us into retirement. It was a beautiful sunny day with a hint of spring and we had everything to look forward to. Although I had been having premonitions all week, it was still a shock when he died so suddenly.
\nThis was something I didn’t believe I could recover from. I swore to my girls that I would never, ever get married again because I couldn’t go through this a second time. Yet, here we are…six years down the road and I’m married again…to an equally wonderful man. I’ve been blessed with good men in my life.
\nMy friend Deneene lost her husband in March a few years after me. I began to mentor her through the widow experience when she was going through a particularly rough patch. We don’t get to see each other much anymore as she has moved to South Carolina with her new love. We connect frequently via chat and yesterday, she sent a note telling me she was thinking of me and the angelversary of Mr. Virgo’s death. She asked how I was going to commemorate this day. Last year, when I removed the alarm from my calendar, I thought five years was enough of that. I figured I wouldn’t want to do anything special anymore. But, once I thought about it, I decided I was wrong. Time doesn’t change the facts.
\nIt’s interesting at this point to think of my marriage to Mr. Virgo. He has now been gone the same amount of time we were married. And, just because time has passed, and just because I’m crazy in love with Mr. FixIt and I’m happily married, doesn’t mean my love for this wonderful man I shared my life with has diminished. Daughter #2 called me yesterday and we talked for quite some time about this. When we lose someone so special, our hearts expand at some point. My heart is much, much bigger than it was when Mr. Virgo died. There are spaces there with the names of every person I have truly loved. Those spaces do not become smaller in order to allow room for other to come in. The vessel itself had to grow.
\nAs time has passed after each loss, those spaces that remain from the love lost aren’t empty shells. I’ve filled them with love and memories like filling a beautiful vase with thousands of blooms…only these flowers will never die. There were times, especially with the divorces, that I held onto bitterness and anger, but those things did not serve me. Filling each space in my heart with love has been my saving grace.
\nI am so blessed to be married to such a wonderful man who does not expect me to clean house and rid myself of those spaces in my heart. I would never expect him to do so. If you have truly loved someone, no matter what the end result of the relationship, filling those rooms full of flowers can set you free.
\nSo, I’m at the farm. I’m writing and drinking good coffee and eating chocolate hearts. And I’m counting all my blessings for a heart filled with blooms by remembering my life with a good, kind man. ❤️
\n“My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” Psalm 73:26 NIV\n", "date_published": "2019-03-12T01:30:19-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/03/12/angelversary.html", "tags": ["Family","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Love","Peace","Wisdom","Courage","Choices","Change","Marriage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/03/08/a-new-perspective.html", "title": "A New Perspective", "content_html": "
![\"Serenity](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/90bccfe6e5.jpg\")
“It never occurred to me to apply the Serenity Prayer to grief, but it makes perfect sense.”
I used to be a social drinker. For a long time, I told myself that anyway. And, I suppose it was true if you considered every day having at least one, maybe two glasses of wine with dinner…”social” drinking. I mean…I WAS with people, right? I never really saw it as a problem. When I was pregnant with my second daughter, I didn’t drink at all and it never bothered me. After she was born, I had a small glass of wine in the evenings. The doctor said it was good for me and it relaxed the baby. Whatever the doctor says, right?
\nOnce the baby was weaned, I was back to my two glasses every day. It didn’t really become a problem till the last year I was with Hubby #2. My marriage was on the rocks. I couldn’t fix it and I couldn’t face losing it. So, we put doilies on the elephant in the room and I mixed a pitcher of Martinis…for myself…before dinner. If it wasn’t Martinis, it was Tequila…or really good Scotch…or stiff Bloody Mary’s…or a bottle of excellent Cabernet. I was self medicating…and that was a problem.
\nIt interfered with my relationships…with my husband, with my kids, with my friends. I knew my marriage was circling the drain and I was going down with the ship. It wasn’t till after the overdose that I saw the light. I woke up in the ICU and knew I’d hit rock bottom and something had to change. I’ve never touched a drop since January 5th, 2000. And I can honestly say, I’ve never had the slightest craving, not the tiniest bit of desire to drink alcohol or take prescription pain meds. Nothing.
\nFor a period of time, I went to AA meetings…nine months, maybe. I know there are people who work that program and it saves lives. I know that for a fact. I also know, God can lift that burden off of you in a heartbeat because I am living proof of that. For the longest time, I only related the Serenity Prayer to AA. It is recited at the meetings, so I took a narrow view of its usefulness.
\nWhat if…what if we use the Serenity Prayer on grief?
\n“God, grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change;”
\nTo this, we can say….”God, I cannot change the fact that he died. Help me to accept that.”
\n“Courage to change the things I can;”
\nTo this, we can say…”God, help me walk in a way that honors him. Give me the courage to face this new life alone. Make me strong in my faith so that I can change the things in my life that no long serve me.”
\n“And the Wisdom to know the difference.”
\nTo this, we can say…”God, make me wise in my decision making. Give me discernment in my dealings with people. Bring me the wisdom of knowing when to hang on to things and when to let go.”
\nIt honestly never occurred to me to use the Serenity Prayer on anything out of the context of alcohol…maybe drugs. But not Grief, or pain, or depression, or anxiety. This opens doors to another avenue of prayer and…I can never have too much prayer in my life. ❤️
\n““I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”” - John 16:33 NIV\n \n", "date_published": "2019-03-08T02:30:44-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/03/08/a-new-perspective.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","Peace","Wisdom","Courage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/03/04/march-forth.html", "title": "March Forth", "content_html": "
![\"March](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/fba7afd5b0.jpg\")
“March forth on March 4th!”
One of the benefits of being 65 is hindsight. I look back over my life and see a mishmash of events and situations that have led me to the exact spot where I stand today. Any decision along the way could have taken me in an entirely different direction. What if I hadn’t had the two marriages that ended in divorce? I wouldn’t have these beautiful daughters that have blessed my life so tremendously. I wouldn’t have Big and Little to make my heart sing. I wouldn’t have the in-laws and extended families that come with marriages. I wouldn’t have the lessons I learned through it all.
\nEach decision brought the next circumstance. While the second divorce was the worst because it was the longest marriage…if we hadn’t parted company, I never would have met Mr. Virgo. He helped me to believe in myself. He taught me so much about life and unconditional love. I tell people he taught me how to live without him by showing me I am much stronger than I ever believed. And then he died.
\nI can’t help but look back over the past nearly six years since Mr. Virgo died and marvel at the resilience of the human heart. I was battered, crushed, totally broken when he died. And bit by bit, I picked up the pieces of my broken self and handed them to God to hold. They cut me when I tried to hang on to them. He faithfully, diligently stitched the pieces back together, making sure I resembled who I was before but knowing he couldn’t make a carbon copy.
\nFaith. Hebrews 11:1 says “…faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” It wasn’t just my heart God stitched back together. He instilled in me…hope. When it was 3:00am and I was clinging to the edge of the mattress hoping to just get through the night, He whispered hope. When I cried till I couldn’t breathe…He whispered hope. He breathed hope into my life every single day so that I could find the strength to march forth into the next day, and the next, and the next.
\nIt’s been 2,182 days I’ve marched forth. I have friends who are on day 4…day 21…day 93. My heart hurts for them. I want them to understand, I know it hurts. And I know you think you will never survive this or feel joy again. I let God carry the sharp bits for a long time. I handed the pieces over and asked Him to start stitching. I let Him breathe hope into the dark places. That’s how I got through.
\nHere I am…happily married again. The size of my family has literally doubled. So has my joy…and my faith. ❤️
\n“Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” Hebrews 11:1 KJV\n", "date_published": "2019-03-04T02:30:33-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/03/04/march-forth.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","God","Wisdom","Choices"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/03/03/as-winter-fades.html", "title": "As Winter Fades", "content_html": "
![\"Mountains\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/7646ca0714.jpg\")
“Winter is having a blast this weekend….but spring is around the corner!”
I should write a book every February. Sitting in TOW-Wanda for the entire month made the time fly by. I try to like winter. I try to have a happier outlook. And, it’s not even like we had a bad winter. It’s just not green. I like green. It’s not warm. I like warm.
\nI think maybe this winter was easier too because I took a cue from Mother Nature. God puts all the trees and flowers and grasses to sleep in the winter. He gives them a break. It’s a time to rest and regroup. I like that. I tried not to make it too slug-like and just sit for weeks on end doing nothing. I tried to keep busy with things. I didn’t keep my body as busy as I should have. But I sure kept my mind occupied. And that helped the time go by.
\nI have a love/hate relationship with March. I love that spring is just around the corner. I love seeing the buds and shoots on the trees. I love the bird songs I hear through the cracked window every morning. Each week brings new calls and I try to remember which bird is migrating through. I love when the grass starts to turn green and the peepers start their shrill chorus beyond the creek. We’ll have new fawns before long…little spotty babies hiding in the tall grasses while their mamas feed nearby.
\nI hate March because it’s the month Mr. Virgo died. I remember every day leading up to March 12th…as if it were yesterday. Just like we remember where we were when Kennedy was shot or Princess Diana died or the Twin Towers fell. We remember. Widows remember. Mothers remember. It’s imprinted in our brains forever. We remember what it looked like that day…the weather, the temperature, where we were, what we were doing, what we wore. We remember the moments leading up to the end. And we remember the end. That’s when things start getting fuzzy. That’s when the slide show starts. A picture here. An image there. A feeling.
\nAll it takes is a sound. A smell. The way the sun glints through the window. And you’re there. It’s not bad like it once was. Early on it was brutal. It was too real…too soon…too fresh. Time has smoothed grief like a rushing river smooths the stones in a river bed. Many years ago, I walked Glenwood Canyon for exercise. During the peak of the spring runoff, you could stand on the bike path at the dam above Shoshone Power Station and hear…feel huge boulders being pushed along by the force of the water. You can’t see them, but you know they’re there. You sense the disturbance under the water. That’s how grief is now. I sense the disturbance below the surface, but if you look at me, you probably won’t notice anything different.
\nThere is a scale…like the ones Lady Justice holds in her hand. The March of Spring vs. The March of Grief. The grief side used to be the heaviest and kept me way off balance. Now it’s even. It’s softer…out of focus…but I will always feel that undercurrent of the boulders hitting my soul. ❤️
\n“He heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds.”\n\n", "date_published": "2019-03-03T02:30:21-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/03/03/as-winter-fades.html", "tags": ["Health","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Growth","Wisdom","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/03/01/round-one-done.html", "title": "Round One Done!", "content_html": "Psalms 147:3 NLT
![\"Meme\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/cd5a9100b2.jpg\")
“I’m pretty wordy!’
I finished the rough draft! If you count my blog posts, I’ve written somewhere over 75,000 words in the month of February alone! Hokey Smokes!
\nI spoke to my publicist friend and she advises I step away from it for a while so when I go back and read it, I can be discerning and find any spots where the story weighs heavy. When I’ve tried this before, I get so sick of reading it over and over that I’m convinced everyone else who reads it will think the same thing.
\nI’ve lost three friends in three weeks. And another friend lost her mom yesterday. This is one of the bad things about aging. We lose people. My son-in-law’s mom said, the year before she moved her mother to the Denver metro area, she was going to funerals every week. It’s not only a hazard of aging, but also of small town living. I don’t know that I would change living in a small town though. I love it.
\nOMGosh! My oldest granddaughter got her learner’s permit! It was just yesterday I was teaching her mom and BFF how to drive. While I was 8 months pregnant! That was a hoot!
\nMy brain is so scrambled from writing. You may not get anything of real substance from me for a week or so! ❤️
\n“Finishing is better than starting. Patience is better than pride.”\n\n \n", "date_published": "2019-03-01T02:30:08-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/03/01/round-one-done.html", "tags": ["Grief","Growth","Gratitude","Girl Campers","Writing"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/02/22/broken.html", "title": "Broken", "content_html": "Ecclesiastes 7:8 NLT
![\"Broken\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/8711e69ccc.jpg\")
“There’s broken. Then there’s forever broken.”
I have a friend from my coffee group who recently lost her husband. She had a health issue and needed to be hospitalized a day or two after her husband died so I went and sat with her for a while. I recognized her grief. I knew her brokenness. I remember.
\nEven though it’s been nearly six years now since Mr. Virgo died, you don’t forget. Even though I have this wonderful man in my life now and we are deliriously happy…you don’t forget. Time knocks the sharp edges of your grief away, making it softer with distance…like looking for the mountains through a misty haze. You know the mountains are there. You remember what they look like. But you can’t quite make out the details.
\nEveryone deals with grief in their own way. And, the circumstances of death changes from person to person. It’s one thing to lose your grandma when she’s ninety-two. It’s another when your child is murdered and it’s high profile and you keep seeing it in the news and you get the details of exactly what happened. We expect our elders to pass. We’re never ready, really. But it seems like the natural progression of things. We don’t expect the senseless murder of a young man in the prime of his life. There’s broken. Then there’s destroyed.
\nI pray for my friends who are burying their loves this week. A great-grandma and a husband. And I pray for my friend who lost her son last year. I pray for her because the scab keeps getting ripped off…over and over and over. I pray for her because I have no words. The only thing I could offer her was a quote from Megan Devine.
\n“Some things cannot be fixed. They can only be carried.”
\n?
\n“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.”\n\n \n", "date_published": "2019-02-22T02:30:30-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/02/22/broken.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/02/19/when-grief-calls.html", "title": "When Grief Calls", "content_html": "Isaiah 43:2 NIV
![\"Grief\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/1bb12f50d0.jpg\")
“When grief calls, I’ve learned to listen.”
This past Sunday, our pastor spoke about “doing” the Word as well as ‘hearing’ the Word. He talked about how we become overweight Christians by coming to church and filling up on the Word without working it out. God gave the Word to us to not only fill us up, but to go out and DO it.
\nThis got me to thinking about what I “do” with what I’m given. My answer is…this. I write to you. I sit down with you for a little chat. You are so kind as to invite me into your space to share coffee or to rock on the porch or to hold your hand for a little while. Sometimes, you let me talk about Jesus and how he has changed my life. Sometimes, you laugh at my antics when I lock myself out of TOW-Wanda or I misunderstand something Mr. FixIt says.
\nBut, most of all, you let me hold your heart a little while. You let me share how broken mine was. You let me share hope…for healing, for a brighter tomorrow, for a time when you won’t cry quite as much. You let me share love…for a man who left too early, for a man who came so unexpectedly, for a Man who was both God AND Man. You let me share courage…to face the future without your person, to face uncertainty about finances, to just weather the storm.
\nWhen I went to the late service Sunday night, they had the Prayer Team at the front for an alter call. I watched as we continued to sing and worship, and my eyes rested on the leader of our small group. I wondered…who prays for the pray-ers? I went up to her after the service and said, “The Holy Spirit put it on my heart to pray for you tonight.” We went to the side wall and I held her hand and I thanked God for bringing this mighty Prayer Warrior into my life. I asked him to bless her and anoint her words when she helps to lead others in prayer.
\nThe point of all this is…this. THIS. This blog is a big part of my “purpose”. We all have a purpose. Something we were put on this earth to do. Mine was to help widows and others who have lost their special ones. I did this yesterday by writing another 5,656 words for a total of 36,216 towards the completion of my book. All in the last eleven days…with three days off. I’ve never experienced this sheer volume of writing before. At this rate, I’ll be done in less than three weeks. Then, what on earth will I do with my time? Oh….camp, build things, help people heal, start on Book #2! You never know what I’ll be up to next! ❤️
\n“I cry out to God Most High, to God who fulfills his purpose for me.”\n\n", "date_published": "2019-02-19T02:30:21-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/02/19/when-grief-calls.html", "tags": ["Faith","Health","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","God","Wisdom"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/02/01/the-giant-of-rejection.html", "title": "The Giant of Rejection", "content_html": "Psalms 57:2 ESV
\n\n
“so in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us. If your gift is prophesying, then prophesy in accordance with your faith; if it is serving, then serve; if it is teaching, then teach; if it is to encourage, then give encouragement; if it is giving, then give generously; if it is to lead, do it diligently; if it is to show mercy, do it cheerfully.”
\nRomans 12:5-8 NIV
![\"Giant](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/56492918c3.jpg\")
“The Giant of Rejection…something I have battled my entire life.”
Last night was our third session in the study series of Goliath Must Fall by Louie Giglio. This has been the most amazing program our Bible study group has done to this point. I’ve been looking forward to this particular session because rejection and it’s cousin, perfectionism, were my constant companions from a very, very young age.
\nEveryone wants to be accepted. We enjoy the approval of others. If you say, “I don’t care what anyone thinks of me!” you can just about guarantee that, at least on some level, you very much DO care. This can stem from the smallest slight…something said casually, in jest, that really hit you and stung. Or it can be very real…your father abandoned the family, you were given up for adoption, you lost a job you loved…even the death of someone near and dear to your heart. The sting of rejection can haunt you all the days of your life.
\nLouie Giglio postulates that you have two schools of thought that separate your thinking on the subject of rejection.
\n“So that.” and “Because.”
\nYou try to act or be a certain way so that people will love/accept/approve of you.
\nYou are who you are because God is who HE is.
\nHe chose you. He CHOSE you. He knew you before you were knitted in the womb of your mother. He knows the number of hairs on your head. You don’t need the approval of others BECAUSE you already have the approval of God. There is nothing you can do to make Him love you any more or any less. Isn’t that amazing???
\nI’ve learned this along the way. I’ve learned to pinpoint where and how my particular train went off the rails. And I know with all logic that what Louie is telling us is true. But practicing it, in all ways? That’s a lifelong project when you have been rejected in a very painful way…especially at a very young age like I was. A sadistic teacher, childhood sexual abuse, and an alcoholic father were the perfect storm that set me on a path to find the love I never felt deserving of. I made great strides in therapy then met Mr. Virgo. That was my first experience of unconditional love. When I lost him, I was crushed…not only by his death, but by the loss of that unconditional love I had waited my whole life for. I didn’t think I could find that again…then Mr. FixIt came along.
\nStill, when I find myself wanting approval, I remind myself. God chose me. He chose ME. The Creator of the Universe knows my name and how many hairs are on my head and still…He chose me. We all love being loved and approved of and accepted. But with the knowledge that God chose us and loves us immeasurably, we can do so in a healthy way. ❤️
\n““Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.””\n\n", "date_published": "2019-02-01T02:30:51-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/02/01/the-giant-of-rejection.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","God","Wisdom","Choices"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/01/24/precious-memories.html", "title": "Precious Memories", "content_html": "Jeremiah 1:5 NIV
![\"Mom\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/16004c7ff7.jpg\")
“My precious mother…gone fifteen years now. I miss her so much.”
Fifteen years ago today, my precious mom left us unexpectedly. She had been ill for only five days, refusing to go to the hospital as she had no one to watch my brother. He has cerebral palsy and always had lived at home with her. She was fiercely protective of him. She died of multiple pulmonary emboli…blood clots in the lungs. If she would have had proper medical care, I believe she would have lived longer. Then again, perhaps it was her time to go. Either way, as those of you know who have lost your mother, it is a dreadfully difficult thing to go through.
\nI posted some pictures on my Instagram account (@GriefMaven) yesterday and the setting is such that they also posted here. I entered them in Apple’s photo contest for pictures shot with an iPhone. One of the pictures is of my grandma’s house, which was also my mom’s house growing up. I believe she was a teenager when they moved there. Before that, they lived in the old home place back on the hill.
\nMom and her siblings walked down off that hill every day and from the time they went to high school, rode the bus twenty-eight miles each way, then walked back up the hill when they got home. It was a hardscrabble life for Mom and her family as they lived off the land…six kids, Grandma and Pop-Pop, an old milk cow and a horse to plow. Pop-Pop worked in the shop down the road…welding, fixing things, delivering pop, working on trucks for the oil fields.
\nWe went to the farm yesterday. I sat quietly in the living room, listening to the old house speak to me in a language I have heard since my earliest days. My eyes ran over the old linoleum on the floor, its pattern looking like carpet, faded and worn through in places. The sheers on the windows let the pale light from late afternoon highlight the dust motes in the air. The familiar smell of wood and old cotton and gas stove comforting me as I remembered so many days shared with her there.
\nMy friend Sharon, who is also a newly discovered distant cousin, saw the picture of Grandma’s house here yesterday and said it brought tears to her eyes. She said it made her think of an oldtimey tune her mother used to sing as she did her household chores. She posted a link, but I’m going to share it here as well. In honor of Wanda Belle…my mom, my friend, my champion. I loved her so…I miss her still.
\nPrecious Memories…how they linger…
\n❤️
\n\n“\"Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all.\"”\n\n", "date_published": "2019-01-24T02:30:44-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/01/24/precious-memories.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Grief","Prayer","West Virginia","The Farm","Gratitude","Love","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/01/12/the-dark-corners.html", "title": "The Dark Corners", "content_html": "Proverbs 31:29 ESV
![\"Wisp](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/3e6c803851.jpg\")
“We are but a wisp of smoke when we are gone…shadowy memories that cling to us like curls of smoke.”
I had a doctor’s appointment yesterday. Nothing major…just a follow up on something we’re keeping an eye on. Aside from the boring green floral upholstery on the chairs, there were some unmemorable pieces of what would pass for art. You can go in any medical office in America and see the same room. Rather than pick up germy, outdated magazines, I pulled my knitting out of my bag to get a few rows in before my name was called.
\nAs I stitched, my mind was drawn to the television hanging in the corner of the room in front of me. Our local hospital is affiliated with WVU Medical Center and the TV plays an endless loop of PR stories…physicians and patient profiles that demonstrate the different specialties and what they can achieve.
\nAs I knit two, perl two, something caught my attention. A woman was on the screen talking about her husband. He had arrived home early from work and decided to take the dog and go for a run. She continued to shop on the computer when he returned in moments saying he didn’t feel well. Her nurse mode kicked in and she realized he didn’t look well. She checked his pulse and to her horror, realized he was having a heart attack. She got him down on the floor and implored him to stay awake. He said he was trying and with that, lost consciousness. She began CPR while trying to dial 911, shouting to the phone on the floor to send an ambulance right away.
\nIt was my story all over again.
\nI found myself gripping the knitting needles, willing the man to breathe, to wake up, to not leave his wife alone to clean up the mess of death…to stay a little longer so she wouldn’t feel what I felt. While I was relieved to hear he made it, there was that familiar pang of “Why me? My MY man?”
\nTears stung my eyes…to my surprise.
\nI don’t let myself go there very often anymore. It’s like a photo album and I know what the pictures inside look like, but I don’t necessarily need to get it down and view it very often. It’s just easier on me if I don’t go there.
\nAnd, besides…I’m married again. Aren’t I not supposed to grieve another when I have this wonderful man in my life now? I don’t grieve like I once did. That is a GOOD thing. That is the way it should be. But just know this: There will be times, there will be moments, there will be events that will trigger you and, no matter how happy you are and your life is vastly improved, you’ll still “go there”. This is normal and I want you to know that. I want you to be gentle with yourself. Don’t feel guilty. Feel your feels cause they’re as real as real can be. You never stop loving…you start loving more. And gradually, you begin hurting a little less, and a little less, and a little less till you put the photo album up on the shelf. ❤️
\n“Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his faithful servants.”\n\n", "date_published": "2019-01-12T02:30:03-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/01/12/the-dark-corners.html", "tags": ["Health","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Growth","Grace","Love","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/01/10/johnny-jaxxa-story-of-devotion.html", "title": "Johnny \u0026 Jaxx...A Story of Devotion", "content_html": "Psalm 116:15 NIV
![\"Doggy](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/407d5c451c.jpg\")
“Rosie (L), Jaxx (C), and Johnny Boy (R) celebrate Johnny’s 4th Gotcha Day!”
We talk a lot here about death and dying, loss and grief. We talk about losing our parents…aunts…uncles…cousins, our siblings, our children, our friends, and our spouses. We don’t talk a whole lot here about when we lose our beloved fur-babies…those wonderful fur-covered angels that grace us with their presence for a few short years, only to be yanked away far, far too soon.
\nLosing our beloved pets affects most of us the same way as losing a human member of the family. Our hearts break. We grieve. We are lost. We get the same brain fog. The same yearning. If you are an animal lover and have ever been fortunate enough to share your life with a companion animal, then you know what I am saying is true.
\n![\"Sick](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/095a9d9d44.jpg\")
“Johnny Boy arrived so sick with Parvovirus we didn’t think he would live.”
My first dog as an adult was an Aussie/Blue Heeler mix named Boofer. She was brilliant. The only dog I truly did not have to train. I just talked to her and she knew exactly what I wanted from her. And she would do her level best to please me. She had to be put down at the young age of seven after a diagnosis of a pituitary tumor. We managed her symptoms with medication as long as we could but when she went blind, it was time to set her free.
\nAnimal owners know their time with their fur-babies is limited. Boofer was gone too soon. Old Mama Kitty was at least 23-24 years old. Sidney was 14…a big, goofy black lab who owned my heart during a really dark period of my life. Mr. Virgo showed up with a 10-year-old Yorkie/Maltese mix named Cricket who lived to be seventeen. She died just three months before Mr. Virgo did. That was my last dog. I just didn’t have it in me to do it again and my lifestyle isn’t conducive to pet ownership.
\n![\"Boxer](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/5cdb6f2e1b.jpg\")
“Johnny Boy is absolutely CRAZY over kittens! He has to have one…always!”
My friend Aimee is the Grande Dame of animal rescues. If it moves and squeaks, oinks, meows, moos, neighs, or barks…Aimee has to bring it home. Her husband rolls his eyes when another goat or chicken or rabbit or puppy makes an appearance at their West Virginia homestead. It’s all a show…he adores Aimee and if she needs to rescue another dog, she rescues another dog. As she says…she married well.
\nFour years ago, Aimee fostered little Johnny Boy…a mastiff-boxer mix who was dreadfully thin. They soon found he was also dreadfully sick. Johnny nearly died….several times…of parvovirus and parasites and any number of problems. They went to every length to save this little guy’s life. When he got through the initial illness, Johnny Boy started having trouble walking. His joints became swollen and painful. They finally discovered he had a very rare disease of the epiphyseal joints in his legs. After a trip to the State Veterinary School in Columbus, a treatment was finally found and Johnny boy began to thrive and grow.
\nThen, just before the holidays, Aimee found hundreds of little bumps under Johnny’s skin. Again, Johnny Boy does nothing halfway and it took quite some doing to get a diagnosis. When they did, it was not good. It was a rare cancer and there is nothing they can do for him. So, Aimee decided Johnny Boy’s end of life would include the very best days ever.
\n![\"Bonded](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/ff3b6c6414.jpg\")
“Johnny & Jaxx…BFF’s Forever!”
A few months ago, Johnny’s BFF…Jaxx…moved to Florida with his human person. And Johnny was devastated. When they found out Johnny Boy doesn’t have a long time to live, Jaxx’s owner drove him from Florida and left him in Aimee’s care for as long as Johnny needs him. Johnny and Jaxx are insanely bonded. I mean…they FaceTime each other. Seriously!
\nThe other night, Aimee threw Johnny Boy a four year “Gotcha Party” to celebrate and Johnny, Jaxx, and Rosie donned their party hats and sat in the little chairs around the table. They ate scrambled eggs for supper and had Pupcake for dessert. I loved watching the video!
\nAimee posted a video yesterday that shows Johnny having a little trouble breathing. His type of tumor releases histamines and they make his nasal passages swell which in turn makes it difficult to breathe. She knows this is the beginning of the end. And, trust me, she will never let Johnny Boy suffer. When it is his time, she will let him go peacefully. In the meantime, she suffers the anticipatory grief knowing Johnny’s time on earth is short. Yet, she shares him with us…and with Jaxx. I SO love this crazy mutt who came in and stole all our hearts and showed us what loving a rescue is all about. He truly is made of love and sunshine. ❤️
\n“The righteous care for the needs of their animals, but the kindest acts of the wicked are cruel.”\n\n", "date_published": "2019-01-10T02:30:03-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/01/10/johnny-jaxxa-story-of-devotion.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Positive Energy","Gratitude","Grace","Love","Peace","Wisdom","Courage","Humbled","Aging","Choices","Change","Be Joyful!"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/01/08/transformation.html", "title": "Transformation", "content_html": "Proverbs 12:10 NIV
![\"God](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/3b3a208d73.jpg\")
“God often uses our deepest pain as the launching pad of our greatest calling.”
Grief comes in a variety of circumstances. My first experience with grief was when my Pop-Pop died just after I graduated from high school. I was devastated. I lost a job I desperately needed when Hubby #2 was in his first year of Medical School. The rehab center where I worked was experiencing some financial difficulties and I was let go. I felt it was personal until the next month when fifty more staff members were given their walking papers. I guess misery DOES love company. I grieved deeply over that loss because I loved the job, for one thing. For another, I was young and had never experienced anything like that. My next major grief experience was the overdose and subsequent loss of my marriage and the alienation of my children. That was horrifying. Then I lost my grandma, my dog, and Mr. Virgo in less than a year.
\nEvery time I’ve faced grief, I’ve thought my world would end. I couldn’t figure out how to live after those losses. And every time, I survived. Not only survived, but eventually thrived. I learned skills from coping with grief. Grief chiseled me into the person I have become. And as painful as it was to go through, God came in and used that pain as a launching pad of my greatest calling…my mission, as it were.
\nI’ve been having some meetings and there are exciting changes coming in 2019. Nothing I can talk about yet, but I can see God’s hand all over it. I was talking about it with Mr. FixIt the other night and told him I’ve been praying for these exact things…I have to walk forward into this new territory. Don’t worry…I’m not going anywhere. Just more fun and excitement I can’t wait to share with you all! ❤️
\n“Whenever, though, they turn to face God as Moses did, God removes the veil and there they are—face-to-face! They suddenly recognize that God is a living, personal presence, not a piece of chiseled stone. And when God is personally present, a living Spirit, that old, constricting legislation is recognized as obsolete. We’re free of it! All of us! Nothing between us and God, our faces shining with the brightness of his face. And so we are transfigured much like the Messiah, our lives gradually becoming brighter and more beautiful as God enters our lives and we become like him.”\n\n", "date_published": "2019-01-08T02:30:50-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/01/08/transformation.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Peace","Wisdom","Courage","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/01/06/the-pivoting-point.html", "title": "The Pivoting Point", "content_html": "2 Corinthians 3:16-18 MSG
![\"Snow](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/ec45847fd7.jpg\")
\nThis is the day that I refer to as my re-birthday. It was the day I hit rock bottom and had to start navigating my way back up. It wasn’t like I really wanted to die. I just wanted the pain to stop. Everything had become so painful.
\nI used to tell the details of this day over and over and over to anyone who would sit still. I told about my relationship to a man who wasn’t taking care of me the way I needed. He’s not a bad man at all. Years of illness and my altered personality from all those drugs had taken their toll on both of us. I told about the psychiatrist who misdiagnosed me as having a chemical imbalance in my brain. I told about how my life experiences, including episodes of childhood sexual abuse, had created the perfect storm that produced that fateful day.
\nIt’s nineteen years now. So close to two decades. Not quite one third of my life has passed. SO much has happened in those nineteen years, including burying my next husband. I am a sum of my experiences, as we all are. But, I am not DEFINED by those experiences anymore.
\nThe person I am today doesn’t resemble who I was back then. The only cells that are the same ones now that were present on that night at the turn of the millennium are neurons…the very cells I was trying to shut off. Everything else has been made new…both physically with the passage of time, and spiritually with my salvation.
\nThe value of the story has changed. I no longer want you to take sides with me and hate my ex-husband. I no longer want to make excuses for my behaviors. I no longer want you to feel sorry for me. These things were all present for some time in the retelling. Now, the value of the story isn’t so much the yardstick that measures how far I’ve come, but more a testimony that…no matter how far you’ve gone down the wrong path…you can turn around and have a better life.
\nWhile my abuse came from prescriptions, and Danielle’s (see my post about her earlier this week) came from street drugs and a needle, we are no different. We were both addicted and we were both saved by the same Grace. We were both snatched from the jaws of death by a loving and forgiving God. He didn’t cause our problems, but he did allow us to walk through them so we could learn and grow into the purpose He designed for our lives.
\nIt’s hard for me to believe that was me…that I was that far gone. I will tell you this, though…I will forever tell how Jesus picked me up and carried me when I stumbled and fell on January 6, 2000. ❤️
\n“so is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.”\n\n", "date_published": "2019-01-06T02:30:09-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/01/06/the-pivoting-point.html", "tags": ["Faith","Health","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Strong Women","Hope","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","God","Wisdom","Fear","Forgiveness","Courage","Warning","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/01/01/out-with-the-oldin-with.html", "title": "Out With the Old...In With the New", "content_html": "Isaiah 55:11 NIV
![\"Foggy](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/f3a7e6a24f.jpg\")
“It was a foggy, rainy day in West Virginia for the last day of 2018.
My word for last year was “presence”. I think, overall, I did a pretty good job keeping my focus in the here and now. Nothing I can change in the past, and worrying about tomorrow is a complete waste of time. I know the other day I said my word for the New Year was going to be joy, but after giving it a great deal of thought, I decided “HOPE” was far more appropriate.
\nHope is such a gift. I remember the first year after losing Mr. Virgo, I really felt hopeless. I really looked forward to the new year because I could say, “My husband died last year.” As if that sleight of hand would magically make everything better. It didn’t. And I was perplexed that it did not.
\nHope. Hope is a gift from God. I have great hope…a seemingly endless supply. I have enough that I will share it by the bucketloads in the coming year. And, when I speak, I will be mindful to instill hope in others through my speech and actions.
\nA year is gone, another ushered in to replace it. May this be a year of peace, of love, of good health, and abundant hope. May you always have enough. ❤️
\n“Even those who are young grow weak; young people can fall exhausted. But those who trust in the LORD for help will find their strength renewed. They will rise on wings like eagles; they will run and not get weary; they will walk and not grow weak.”\n\n", "date_published": "2019-01-01T02:30:18-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/01/01/out-with-the-oldin-with.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","Courage","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/12/26/my-hygge-christmas.html", "title": "My Hygge Christmas", "content_html": "Isaiah 40:30-31 GNB
![\"Comfort](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/d1650bc988.jpg\")
“Mr. FixIt is a good gift giver…exactly what I would have picked out for myself!”
“Hygge is a Danish and Norwegian word for a mood of coziness and comfortable conviviality with feelings of wellness and contentment.” Wikipedia
\nI don’t think I have ever had a more relaxing Christmas Day in my life as I had this year. Mr. FixIt gave me Christmas jammies on Christmas Eve and I never changed out of them yesterday. I ate chocolate cake for breakfast. I knitted all day. I caught up with loved ones on the phone and via chat. Mr. FixIt and I watch movies all day. I ate leftover chili…and chocolate.
\nI was totally pleased with my gifts from my sweetheart. The sweater is the most gorgeous color, style, and fit. The book is something I really wanted. And the travel mugs are lovely. I think he’s setting me up for a winter of comfort! Exactly what I need after a long season of hard work keeping up two big properties. I have some projects to do this winter…writing, home, and business things. So, having this comfort break is just what the doctor ordered!
\nThere are so many who are missing their loved ones this season. If your heart is screaming “he/she should be here!”…you are not forgotten nor are you alone. My heart is with you…I remember that pain and I pray for comfort for you and yours. ❤️
\n“I love the Lord, for he heard my voice; he heard my cry for mercy. Because he turned his ear to me, I will call on him as long as I live. The cords of death entangled me, the anguish of the grave came over me; I was overcome by distress and sorrow. Then I called on the name of the Lord: “ Lord, save me!” The Lord is gracious and righteous; our God is full of compassion. The Lord protects the unwary; when I was brought low, he saved me. Return to your rest, my soul, for the Lord has been good to you. For you, Lord, have delivered me from death, my eyes from tears, my feet from stumbling, that I may walk before the Lord in the land of the living.”\n\n", "date_published": "2018-12-26T02:30:40-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/12/26/my-hygge-christmas.html", "tags": ["Grief","Hope","Fun","West Virginia","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Love","Peace","Presence","Marriage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/12/24/christmas-a-season-of-healing.html", "title": "Christmas: A Season of Healing", "content_html": "Psalm 116:1-9 NIV
![\"Santa](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/0c682f301c.jpg\")
“My Santa and Mrs. Claus”
Dear Santa,
\nThis is the sixth Christmas without my Mr. Virgo. I know you remember the day I sat beside you in your great big comfy chair. It was that first awful Christmas after he died. I was crying and you saw me standing there alone. And that great big heart of yours was so soft…you moved over to make room for me and patted the seat, letting me know I should come sit for a while.
\nI was crying…trying so hard to regain my composure. You waited patiently for me to gather my wits about me. Finally, I leaned towards you. You leaned in to hear. “My husband died. I need a new heart.” I could almost hear your heart breaking for me. You put your arm around my shoulders and whispered back. “I’m so sorry.” Your voice was thick with emotion. You patted my back as my shoulders shook with sobs.
\nIt wasn’t long till I got it together. I apologized for being such a mess. You said, “Nonsense. You’re perfect!” As I prepared to leave, you asked, “Won’t you have your picture taken with me?” My heart skipped a beat and for just a moment…a fleeting moment, I felt the joy of childhood as I nodded yes.
\nWe took a photo, you and I…and we were bonded in that moment. I’ve written to you every year since that December day in 2013. I’ve related my progress as I’ve navigated this grief journey…my ups and downs. My successes and the stumbles. And here it is…2018…and have I got news for you!
\nI got married!!! Yes…it’s true! I came back to West Virginia two years ago. Along the way, I ran into my best guy pal from high school and, well…the rest is history! We were married in a field at his home. We were married by our lifelong friend…a pastor. And, Santa…he such a good man, my Mr. FixIt. We are two peas in a pod. He goes to church with me every Sunday. It is the first time I have been equally yoked in a marriage and it is amazing!
\nI just wanted to let you know I’m doing well. I still have moments where I experience grief. I always will…it is the price you pay for great love. I continue my mission of writing here and reaching others who are on the same journey. Thank you for being there for me that sad, sad day. Thank you for being my cheerleader. And thank you again…from the very bottom of my heart…for being real and asking Jesus to bring me a new heart. ❤️
\n“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”\n\n \n", "date_published": "2018-12-24T02:30:33-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/12/24/christmas-a-season-of-healing.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","Love","Peace","Holiday","Courage","Be Joyful!","Marriage","Uncategorized"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/12/11/kitchen-comforts.html", "title": "Kitchen Comforts", "content_html": "Psalm 147:3 NIV
![\"Roses\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/42d0bf36e4.jpg\")
“Mr. FixIt brought me roses.”
When I’m struggling with grief, a day in the kitchen does wonders for me. Mr. FixIt knew I hadn’t slept well the last couple of nights since learning the sad news of Miss Louisa passing away, so he was gracious and let me sleep in as long as I wanted to yesterday. I must say, when I awoke around 11:00, I did feel much better. I padded into the kitchen to make my coffee and greet my sweet man in the family room…steaming mug in hand.
\nI snuggled into the loveseat and wrapped my blue fox blanket around me. The Christmas tree was decorated and standing to my left in front of the big picture windows. The gas stove was cranked up and putting off some decent heat. The heavy frost still laid white on the grass and trees in my view. And, amazingly, the forsythia had several bright yellow blooms on them casting a stark contrast to the grey palette of December.
\nI sipped my coffee while Mr. FixIt read the paper. The TV droned quietly in the background…some fourteen year old was answering questions on a game show. I tuned it out as I stared at the decorations on the tree and took inventory of my feelings. The pain I felt when I heard the news of yet another loss was easing a little and shifting to the lonesomeness of not being able to pick up the phone and call whenever I want. It is familiar turf for me.
\nAfter a while, I sighed and went into the bedroom to dress. Mr. FixIt put on his insulated coveralls and went outside to work a while. I carried my second cup to the living room and sat down to knit on a pair of socks. I texted my friend Gail who is touring Europe to see how she is doing. My friend Janine sent me a text to remind me she was going live at 3:00CST. I put my phone away and turned Pandora to “Traditional Christmas.” I spent the next hour or so in quiet meditation, my hands wrapping the wool yarn around the needles with the muscle memory of a skill I learned in my youth.
\nI decided to mix up a batch of oatmeal raisin cookies and was pulling the last batch from the oven as Mr. FixIt came in from the cold. I turned on the kettle and he had a nice cup of tea as he ate a cookie, still warm from the oven. He watched me move around the kitchen, cleaning up the bowls and baking pans. I sensed his eyes on me. This is the relationship we delight in. I looked up from wiping the counter and he smiled.
\n“You treat me so well.”
\nI smiled back. A knowing smile. An appreciative smile. This is the part of him that is like Mr. Virgo. He loves and appreciates me and is quick to tell me. I love that.
\n“I like spoiling you,” I grinned. He laughed, gave me a little pat as he tucked his mug in the kitchen sink. He pulled up his coveralls and went back outside. I watched him as he walked out the door. How can a coverall make a man look that sexy? I smiled as I tucked the towel in the door handle of the oven and turned out the light. I had another hour to knit before I started supper.
\nWhen I was at the farm the other night, I brought home a pot roast from the freezer. When it was thawed, I cut it in cubes. I put about a cup of flour in a gallon ziplock bag with some salt and pepper and dropped in the cubed roast. I tossed the meat in the flour, rubbing the pieces through the bag to ensure they were well coated then dropped them into a hot skillet with a little oil in it. When the meat had been seared on all sides, I removed it and put it in my electric pressure cooker. I put in a can of beef broth and a can of water, replaced the lid and pressure cooked the roast for 55 minutes. Once it was finished, I let it cool for about twenty minutes without releasing the pressure. I released the pressure carefully and removed the lid. The meat bubbled in a nice thickened gravy and smelled divine. I poured the meat and gravy out into a large storage container and set it on the counter. When it was cool enough, I popped it in the fridge to be used during the week for meals and sandwiches.
\nYesterday, I cooked up half a bag of egg noodles. I took out half the meat and gravy and placed it in a saucepan on low heat to warm up. I sautéed a whole package of sliced mushrooms in two tablespoons of butter. Everything was ready at the same time so I drained the pasta, and put it back in the pan, poured the beef and gravy in with the sautéed mushrooms and added 3/4 cup of sour cream. I gave it a quick stir and called Mr. FixIt to the table for supper.
\nA day like that is soothing to the spirit. It reminded me that, while I miss those I have lost, I have skills in place that I did not have when I lost Mr. Virgo. It is not lost on me that I have the added blessing of this sweet man to be my companion and helpmate to love and support me as I navigate the losses. I kind of feel like I’m cheating…I don’t have to grieve alone like I did when I became a widow. That kind of grief is so much harder than this. I am grateful. ❤️
\n“‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.””\n\n", "date_published": "2018-12-11T02:30:08-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/12/11/kitchen-comforts.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","Love","Peace","Wisdom","Courage","Presence","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/12/10/two-angels.html", "title": "Two Angels", "content_html": "Revelation 21:4 NIV
![\"Wedding\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/7b7227c2c0.jpg\")
“Miss Louisa looks on as Mr. Virgo hugs me at our wedding. She loved being the honorary mom.”
I contacted the photographer who shot Mr. Virgo’s and my wedding. I knew there would be many beautiful photos of my “other mother”, Miss Louisa. Marcia was wonderful. Although I offered to pay her for copies, she sent me a link to a digital folder with instructions to download the photos to use however I wish. I was busy all day yesterday with church and a trip to the mall to watch our little great granddaughter scream on Santa’s lap. I went to the farm while Mr. FixIt bowled. When I got home, I finally had time to sit down and view the photos.
\nI was scrolling through them…remembering the day. How proud Louisa was to be my honorary mom. It was cool but the sun held the promise of spring and we were married out on the deck overlooking beautiful Mt. Sopris and the Roaring Fork River. I came to this photograph and my heart squeezed. Two angels.
\nJust then, Mr. FixIt called from the driveway and asked me to come open the door because he had his hands full. As I opened the door, he handed me a bouquet of roses.
\n“Here, baby…you’ve had a really hard week.”
\nI smiled, gave him a hug and went to get the Mikasa crystal vase for the flowers as he took off his coat. Suddenly, it all hit me. I was trimming the ends of the stems, silent tears coming down my cheeks. I had my back to him, but he knew. He came in the kitchen and, concern in his voice said, “Are you ok?”
\nI’ve never cried in front of Mr. FixIt. I cried in front of Mr. Virgo once. He gave me a look like, “Really? We’re doing THIS?” I stopped immediately and never did it again. It’s not that he wasn’t empathetic…he just didn’t emote much. Mr. FixIt is much the same as me on the emotion scale. It’s comforting knowing I can emote freely. Anyway, he wrapped me up in his arms and would have stood there in the kitchen all night hugging me if that’s what I needed.
\nI knew the day would come when I would lose Louisa. We almost lost her nine years ago when she became very ill. They didn’t expect her to live through the night but she was a fighter. I knew when she died I would feel the same pain I felt when I lost my own mother. And that’s exactly the case. Anyone who got to know her and be close to her were blessed indeed. I got fifteen years with her in my life. I’m one of the lucky ones. ❤️
\n“Then they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children,”\n\n", "date_published": "2018-12-10T02:30:27-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/12/10/two-angels.html", "tags": ["Family","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Comfort","Grace","Love"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/12/09/my-other-mother.html", "title": "My “Other Mother”", "content_html": "Titus 2:4 NIV
![\"Beautiful](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/964fbf2c08.jpg\")
“My beautiful “Other Mother”, Louisa.”
Most of the time, when you talk about your “Other Mother”, it’s the mom of your best friend from high school. My mom was my sister/friend’s “Other Mother”. They were tight, especially after I married and moved to England. They would go to the beach together and have a grand time. I was thrilled they enjoyed that relationship since I didn’t live near my mom.
\nGod brought me my “Other Mother” when I needed her the most. Louisa and her husband, John, walked into my needlework shop in 2003, the year before my own mother passed away. He knew I was going to need a good woman friend to mother me through that loss. Louisa and John had moved to the Western Slope of Colorado after he retired a few years before. She wanted to learn to do something with her hands. She had a needlepoint kit hanging around and wanted me to teach her. Her vision was slowly deteriorating from Macular Degeneration so she needed something that didn’t involve terribly fine work.
\nI scheduled an hour to sit with Louisa. That day, as we were gathering our work together, I asked her what her husband had done for a living. She said he was an Internal Medicine physician. Hmmmm. That’s what Hubby #2 did. We had been separated for three years by this point.
\n“How was that for YOU?” I asked.
\nThe ensuing conversation put all thoughts of needlepoint out of our minds and we proceeded to share our stories. Our paths were remarkably similar. We both had suffered from a clinical depression. Her marriage survived that. Mine did not. We bonded that day and became incredibly close.
\nWhen Mr. Virgo and I decided to get married, I asked Louisa and John to stand in as my “parents” at the wedding. They were so thrilled to do so. I’ll never forget when Louisa toasted us and shared how honored she and John were to be included in such a way.
\nWhen I moved home to West Virginia, Louisa and I remained close and spoke often on the phone. Every time I went to Colorado for a visit, we spend some quality time together…sometimes I even stayed at their house. We visited last summer when I was home and I noticed right away there had been a rapid deterioration in both John and Louisa. John’s mind was rapidly slipping away to dementia. Louisa’s COPD was taking it’s toll. She was always impeccably dressed when you went to visit. This time, she was seated in her ladie’s wing-backed chair in her dressing gown, her lovely hair slight disheveled in wisps around her face.
\nShe was still her sharp-witted self, but I could see she was weary. We didn’t visit for too long. Her son had been staying with them for a bit to help out. We parted with promised to talk often.
\nThe summer was eaten up with medical visits and soon it was fall before we spoke again. She was trying to be a good soldier, but I could tell how weary she was. We spoke in October when I shared Mr. FixIt and I were soon getting married. She was thrilled. She met him the summer before and loved him. However, she was a proper, old-school, Southern Belle from Owensboro, Kentucky and she did not like us living together without being married.
\nI was going to call her last week but one thing and another came up. Finally, this past Monday, I got this urgent “nudge” to call her so I listened.
\nThe first thing she said was, “So, are you married yet????” She was in hospice care now.
\n“Yes, ma’am. We got married on the 13th of October.”
\n“Ok, good. You know I didn’t like that!” She gently scolded.
\n“Yes, my dear…I know.”
\nShe told me her granddaughter was being married next month and she just wanted to live till that happened. Our sweet Miss Louisa went home to God late that evening. I was so glad I had listened to that still small voice that said, “Call Louisa.”
\nI didn’t find out till a mutual friend texted me yesterday. I was crushed, as you are in the first few moments after hearing of such a loss. After I had a good cry, I thought of my Miss Louisa sitting down to “tea”…her vernacular for a good stiff cocktail. Maybe she’s sitting with Mr. Virgo and my mom…enjoying a lovely visit…talking about me and shaking their heads at stories of my misadventures. Whatever she is doing, I know I will sit with her again some sunny day. But, my oh my…this has been a difficult couple of months. I want my loved ones to stop dying now, thank you very much. Cumulative grief is a very real phenomenon. You can read more about it through the link below. ?
\nhttps://whatsyourgrief.com/cumulative-grief-aka-grief-overload/
\n“We are confident, I say, and would prefer to be away from the body and at home with the Lord.”\n\n \n", "date_published": "2018-12-09T02:30:08-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/12/09/my-other-mother.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Love","Aging","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/12/07/finding-a-friend.html", "title": "Finding a Friend", "content_html": "2 Corinthians 5:8 NIV
![\"Two](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/04377e5285.jpg\")
“I met one of my readers last night for dinner when she came through town! So nice to meet you, Jo!”
I often receive private messages from readers with comments, suggestions, questions, and sometimes seeking a little extra love and support if they are going through something particularly tough. This was the case when I heard from Jo. Her husband had been recently diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. Like me, she knew she needed to put something joyful in front of her to get through what she knew was coming. She was experiencing anticipatory grief.
\nJo was intrigued by my camping escapades and how I used my little camper travels to help me navigate grief. She joined Sisters on the Fly and borrowed a Class C RV from a friend. While her husband was still well enough to go, she took him camping. They enjoyed that trip, but her husband made her promise not to buy that particular RV. It was older, and he knew repairs would be coming soon. He didn’t want her getting stranded somewhere or to be saddled with extra expenses so she promised.
\nWe talked about getting together in the spring, then spring turned to summer and Jo’s husband continued to worsen. Then, after 45 years of marriage and countless sessions of chemo and radiation, her sweet husband passed peacefully, November 17th, surrounded by his loving family at home. A wake was held in Virginia last weekend and Jo made arrangements to have a second wake in Indiana with her eight siblings and their families this coming weekend.
\nWhile she could have flown to Indiana, Jo decided to drive, much to the dismay of her family. Not a week as a widow and she was already being told “You’re too old!” “You can’t do that alone!” Luckily, this tiny woman with the spiky white hair is feisty and put the kibosh on that. She informed them that, not only was she going to drive to Indiana…alone…she was going to start looking for an RV. They were aghast! She had another reason for wanting to drive. She knew she would be traveling through West Virginia and she wanted to meet me.
\nJo contacted me early this week and told me she would be heading through my area Wednesday and she wanted to take me to dinner. I jumped at the chance. We met at Texas Roadhouse and talked for FOUR hours! We talked with the ease you feel when you have a lot in common with someone. We told stories, asked questions, and laughed the evening away. One particular story tugged at my heart strings and made tears sting my eyes.
\nWhen her husband was so ill, Jo’s friends and family kept asking what they could do to help. There were far too many casseroles and plates of cookies already so she decided to start “The Toothbrush Crusade”. You see, even though they had owned and operated a Christian school together for the last twenty years, Jo’s husband was not a believer. So, she asked everyone to pray for her husband’s salvation while they were brushing their teeth. That was around two minutes, at least twice per day that people would be praying for him. I’d love to say her husband was struck by the Holy Spirit and proclaimed his faith before he died, but that isn’t the case. He did tell her he would believe “for her”, but we know that isn’t how it works.
\nWe do not know what goes through the mind in the moments before death. I reassured Jo that, even though we believe, we do not know the mind of God and we are not telepathic. People’s faith is personal and between them and God. She had done everything she could to bring him to Christ. She understands now she has to just wait till she gets there and finds out for herself. My hope is that, in those final moments, he saw a fork in the road and made a choice to move towards the light.
\nAs the evening drew to a close and we ate the last of the dessert we split between us, we proclaimed ourselves as friends for life. Jo and I posed for the obligatory photo to commemorate the occasion, gave a good long hug, and went our separate ways till we meet again. I so enjoyed our time together. The last thing Jo said when she turned to leave was, “Keep doing what you’re doing…you have no idea how much you are helping people.” I quickly replied, “I’m just the transcriptionist. It’s all God’s doing!”
\nAs I got in my truck to head home to Mr. FixIt, I said…”Lord, I always ask you to bring me the words to write and the people on the other side of the screen who need to read them. Thank you, Lord, for showing me they are there.” ❤️
\n““Why do you ask me about what is good?” Jesus replied. “There is only One who is good. If you want to enter life, keep the commandments.” “Which ones?” he inquired. Jesus replied, “ ‘You shall not murder, you shall not commit adultery, you shall not steal, you shall not give false testimony, honor your father and mother,’ and ‘love your neighbor as yourself.’ ””\n\n \n", "date_published": "2018-12-07T02:30:13-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/12/07/finding-a-friend.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Sisters on the Fly","Positive Energy","West Virginia","Gratitude","Grace","Humbled","Be Joyful!"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/12/02/a-long-goodbye.html", "title": "A Long Goodbye", "content_html": "Matthew 19:17-19 NIV
![\"Man](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/db369a1d0c.jpg\")
“My sweet cousin, Tom.”
I was seven years old when I fell in love with Tommy Allen. The fact that he was my first cousin meant nothing to me. The fact that he was home from the Navy wearing his sailor whites meant EVERYTHING. swoon He was dreamy.
\nI remember that day like it was yesterday. I was playing on the floor with my brother. We had a bunch of little plastic barnyard animals and some Lincoln Logs, creating the wilderness cabin of Daniel Boone. It was a sweltering hot summer day and I wore a violet colored cotton dress. They say it matched my eyes. My bare arms were brown from the sun. My bare feet were brown from the WV dirt.
\nMy cousin, Donna Jean, was in high school. She was playing Elvis Presley records on the stereo…his mellow voice coming through scratchy and thin. A car door slammed out front and my Aunt Marge came running from the kitchen, wiping her hands on a kitchen towel.
\n“He’s here!” The screen door didn’t even swing shut before she was out on the porch wrapping her boy in her mom-hug. I ran to the door and peeked out to see what the ruckus was all about. And…there he was. His pompadour slicked back. His Navy whites, crisp and clean, glaring in the July sun. His marine blue eyes sparkled when he saw me and grinned. He gave me a knowing wink, and I was smitten.
\n![\"Man](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/4bbb245eda.jpg\")
“Captain Tom”
We didn’t get to see each other much. He married and moved to Paden City, then New Martinsville. He raised his family. He worked hard in one of the chemical plants that dot the Ohio River banks from Pittsburg to Louisville. Then, in 1976, my parents divorced. By this time I was married myself with a little one of my own and lived in Colorado. I am embarrassed to say, I didn’t have much to do with my father’s family after that. There were a lot of reasons why…none of them good.
\nMy father died in 2008. For some reason, I didn’t think there would be but a handful of people at his funeral. If he was the same man to others as he had been to me and my family, this would be a pretty quick, cut and dried affair. Imagine my surprise when the church was full to overflowing at my father’s memorial service! I listened to people tell me what a wonderful man he was. How he was a central figure in their church. A pillar of the community. “He would give you the shirt off his back.” I heard over and over. It wasn’t the man I knew, but I realized…he was the man THEY knew. And this funeral was for them.
\nAlmost all of my cousins from my dad’s side were there. I greeted them politely before the service. When we all went to the basement after, I sat in awe and listened to the stories they told me about my dad. I told them about the man I knew. We were both dumbfounded. But, the really GREAT part is…even though I had walked away from them all in 1975, they greeted me with open arms in 2008 like I’d been there all along. I fell in love with them all…all over again.
\nAbout four-and-a-half years or so ago, my handsome cousin Tommy was diagnosed with mesothelioma. It is a cancer of the covering of the lung but can appear anywhere. And it comes from exposure to asbestos. He was exposed in the Navy shipyards and the plant in which he worked. The average life expectancy for mesothelioma patients is 12-21 months. Approximately 40% of patients live past one year, and only 9% live longer than five years. He was determined to do everything he could so he went to NIH and participated in clinical trials.
\nIt bought him some good time. He fished and hunted and was his normal, happy, feisty self. Then one of the trial drugs nearly killed him. That’s when he decided…he’d had enough. His wife, Suzy, contacted me and said it was time to come for a visit. No one said it out loud, but I knew this was my last visit with this sweet man. By this time, he didn’t have the energy to go exploring or out to eat. So, we just sat at home. We talked. We laughed. I recorded him telling me stories. It was bittersweet. The ride to the beach was long and quiet.
\nI met fifteen gals from my high school for coffee yesterday morning. I was going to the funeral home afterwards. Lisa, the friend who married Mr. FixIt and me, lost her mom Thanksgiving Day and the viewing was yesterday. I picked up my phone to see what time it was because I didn’t want to be late. That’s when I saw the text from Suzy. Our Tom passed at 1:35 yesterday morning.
\n![\"Woman](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/f9f459fab4.jpg\")
“Tommy and Me”
I tried not to cry, but the tears slipped too easily down my cheeks. My friends were wonderful and hugged me. I showed them his picture. I told them I fell in love with this handsome sailor when I was just a little girl. And now, he has crossed over the last trout stream and is off on a great bear hunt in the sky. I will miss you, Tommy…you were a heck of a good man.
\nToday would have been their 57th Wedding Anniversary. Suzy has never lived alone. But, she has lots of love and support. She will get through this in her own way…in her own time. Those of us who have walked this particular path have an understanding of what she is going through today. Please keep Suzy and all who loved Tom in your prayers. ?
\n““Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe also in me. My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going.””\n\n", "date_published": "2018-12-02T02:30:27-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/12/02/a-long-goodbye.html", "tags": ["Family","Grief","Prayer","Love","Aging","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/11/29/somewhere-over-the-rainbowbluebirds-fly.html", "title": "Somewhere Over the Rainbow...Bluebirds Fly", "content_html": "John 14:1-4 NIV
![\"Man](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/57bf26fbb2.jpg\")
“Ron Rudolph and his grandson building bluebird houses in memory of his late wife.”
I have told you many times that Mr. Virgo sends me bluebirds. It first began when I stood by his grave…heart broken…sobbing, when I heard a birdsong nearby. I looked to my right and just a few feet away, a bluebird sat on a pole and was singing. It lifted something in my heart. I could feel my husband’s presence and it was comforting. Since then, countless bluebirds show up at odd times. Mr. FixIt and I have taken to saying hello to him out loud when we see them.
\nThis sweet man I am married to called me into the family room yesterday and said, “Look, I want you to see this.”
\nI sat down to watch a segment on the Today show about a man in Minnesota. Ron Rudolph lost his wife to a brain tumor this past January. When he found himself wandering around the house in the middle of the night, he decided to go out to his wood shop. He saw a bluebird house hanging on the wall. His wife loved bluebirds and he had made several of the houses to place around their yard for her to enjoy. He decided to cut out a few birdhouses to keep his hands, and his mind, busy.
\nAfter constructing several birdhouses, he enlisted his daughter’s help in setting up a way to sell them. He wanted others to enjoy bluebirds, in his wife’s memory. Now, there are four generations building bluebird houses in his shop and a portion of the proceeds goes to the hospice that cared for his late wife.
\nI reached out to Ron yesterday and shared my story of losing Mr. Virgo. I asked if I could share his story with you here and he was thrilled. I have ordered two bluebird houses…one for the Ponderosa and another for the farm. I know you will love this story as much as I have. I’m looking forward to getting to know this beautiful family better.
\nYou can find the Today Show story posted on their Facebook page: Rudolph’s Bluebird Houses
\n\n❤️
\n“All you saints! Sing your hearts out to GOD! Thank him to his face! He gets angry once in a while, but across a lifetime there is only love. The nights of crying your eyes out give way to days of laughter.”\n\n \n", "date_published": "2018-11-29T02:30:37-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/11/29/somewhere-over-the-rainbowbluebirds-fly.html", "tags": ["Family","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Love","Courage","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/11/27/its-beginning-to-look-a.html", "title": "It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas", "content_html": "Psalm 30:4-5 MSG
![\"Vintage](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/9a3f809984.jpg\")
“My favorite ornament from childhood.”
I heard a mother comforting her child once. The little one was crying about something that had happened earlier. The mother said, “Oh…are you remembering how you were sad earlier?” I loved that. She wasn’t dismissing the child’s feelings and at the same time, she was teaching her “It’s not happening to you now. It’s just a memory.”
\nAs we were decorating the tree yesterday, I was hanging the special ornaments Mr. Virgo and I purchased together. I felt a melancholy come over me. And, as this is what I do, I examined the feelings and let myself feel them. Then I remembered the mother comforting her child and I smiled. The melancholy I felt wasn’t sadness in the moment. It was holding the items we cherished and remembering how sad that first Christmas was after he died.
\nGrief is quicksilver. It rolls around and shape shifts through time. And, once you get to a certain point, the weight shifts forward. It doesn’t drag you back so hard. When I first started to notice that pattern shift, I didn’t trust it. I’d had far too many instances of stepping on the rake in the tall grass. Once I experienced this new space where grief stays put…at least most of the time…I could start living again and looking forward.
\nThis ornament was my favorite as a little girl. I have several of my mom’s ornaments and I think of the little house on the corner where we lived. I think of the farmhouse where we spent Christmas morning with my grandparents just once or twice that I can remember. We’ll go out to the farm this week and decorate and stay a few days, I think. I don’t dread Christmas anymore. I never understood my great grandfather when he would say, “It’ll stop hurting when the pain goes away.” I always thought that was just a silly thing he said. But, in the context of grief, it makes perfect sense. It DOES stop hurting when the pain goes away. ❤️
\n“...The minute I said, “I’m slipping, I’m falling,” your love, GOD, took hold and held me fast. When I was upset and beside myself, you calmed me down and cheered me up.”\n\n \n", "date_published": "2018-11-27T02:30:19-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/11/27/its-beginning-to-look-a.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","West Virginia","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","Peace","Choices","Change","Be Joyful!"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/11/26/a-voice-from-the-darkness.html", "title": "A Voice From the Darkness", "content_html": "Psalm 94:16-19 MSG
![\"Depression\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/f4283b783c.jpg\")
“Depression keeps you isolated from those who might help you.”
In between cooking and visiting with my family at our Thanksgiving dinner Saturday, I checked my Twitter account. Someone was asking a question about assisted suicide. I have a contact on Twitter whose husband elected assisted death when his Stage 4 colon cancer became untreatable. In order to connect the two, i had to pop out of his tweet to find her profile. But when I tried to find the original tweet with the question, I couldn’t find it. Rather than take the time to scroll through, I typed “assisted suicide” in the search bar.
\nApparently, there was a program on about it on TV because it was a trending topic of conversation. I started scrolling down through till I came upon a cry for help that alarmed me. Someone with no followers tweeted “How can I find someone to assist with my suicide?” I clicked on the profile and scrolled down reading tweet after tweet over the past day saying things like “I want to die.” I couldn’t get it out of my mind but I fell asleep before I could find it again.
\nToday after church, I went on the hunt for this person and clicked follow. Then I tweeted, “Are you ok?” Finally I got a response. “I’m still alive but I don’t want to be.” I went on to explain how I understood this. I went through a terrible depression and overdosed nearly 19 years ago. I asked how I could help. The response was, “How can you help? I’m on medicine but it’s not working.” I asked, “Do you have someone to talk to?” The answer, “Not really.” I explained that if the medicine wasn’t working, a counselor or therapist could help as well as the physician who prescribed it.
\nBefore I could hear back, I did two things. I Googled “What do you do if someone on Twitter threatens suicide?” I received a link to the help section of Twitter with a form to report an account if you suspect someone is talking about harming themselves. I filled out the form, hoping and praying that someone other than only me would reach out and this person could get help. After the form was submitted, there was a list of resources in multiple countries for suicide hotlines. I took screenshots and tweeted them to the person. I tweeted, “I hope you believe me when I say you matter. There is only one you. God puts us here for a purpose. Don’t leave before you find out what that is. There is always, always hope. I care.” The response was, “Thank you very much.”
\nI haven’t heard anything else. I haven’t seen any more tweets but I will keep my eye out and watch the profile. This is a difficult time of year for some people. Not everyone has love and light and abundant happiness over the holidays. I don’t know this person’s circumstances. I don’t know gender, age, location. I know nothing except this is a hurting soul and I will do what I can to help and give some hope. Please pray for this person that he/she/they find the help needed. ❤️
\n“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” John 10:10 NIV\n\nNational Suicide Prevention Lifeline '1-800-273-TALK (8255)'\n", "date_published": "2018-11-26T02:30:26-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/11/26/a-voice-from-the-darkness.html", "tags": ["Health","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","God","Fear","Warning","Choices"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/11/18/the-comforts-of-home.html", "title": "The Comforts of Home", "content_html": "
![\"Knitting](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/10516862da.jpg\")
“Knitting, Football, and a Fire…it doesn’t get much better than that!”
I rarely ever sit down and watch a football game with Mr. FixIt. Football never really held my interest till Mr. Virgo patiently explained the game to me. He and I used to watch football all the time. But TV hasn’t been very high on my list of things to do since he died so I usually find something else to occupy me while Mr. FixIt watches…especially his beloved Mountaineers. He’s a diehard WV fan. And, as I found out yesterday…he really is not an Ohio State fan.
\nMr. FixIt gets verbal when he watches football. He doesn’t curse and throw things at the TV, but he gets pretty loud. I had a lot of fun knitting yesterday while he cheered. Having a day to stop doing all the fussy work around the house and sit down with a good cup of coffee, something fun to knit, and a warm fire while watching football is a perfect day in my book.
\nWe drove over to the store at halftime to get something to fix for dinner. I was walking through the produce section and thought to myself, “Taco salad sounds great for supper!” I turned to Mr. FixIt and before I could open my mouth and ask him what sounded good, he turned to me and said, “You know, taco salad sounds great for supper.” I had to think for a second. Did I say that out loud? Nope…we are just that attuned to each other. When we were first dating, he texted me one morning and said, “How does that bagel taste?” I nearly choked on said bagel as I read the text.
\nWhen we are apart, he texts me within two minutes of my waking up. I asked him one time how he knew I just woke up. He said he can feel it. I love that. I love that deep connection you only get when you truly know someone. When we have had that, and lost it, it’s so easy to tell yourself you will never have that again. I vowed I would never do this again. Not only because I didn’t think anyone would want me, but also because I wasn’t sure I could top Mr. Virgo. That was early on. Now I know better. It’s not a competition. It’s not ever a question of which love is better. Which husband is better. I know a man who was dating sometime after his wife had died. He and the new woman had gotten to “I love you” in their relationship. Then one day she asked him if he loved her more than his late wife. Holy cats!!! What a terrible thing to ask someone. As you may well imagine, that was the end of that.
\nLazy Saturdays…one of life’s little pleasures. And, it’s free! ❤️
\n“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” Ephesians 5:25 NIV\n", "date_published": "2018-11-18T02:30:33-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/11/18/the-comforts-of-home.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","West Virginia","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Wisdom","Humbled","Peaceful Moments","Choices"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/11/17/grief-is-a-crucible.html", "title": "Grief is a Crucible", "content_html": "
![\"Refinery\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/e12ab5519c.jpg\")
“Grief is a crucible…you come out entirely changed by the process.”
I was interviewed yesterday for an article for a major financial company. The topic was whether widows find navigating finances difficult in grief. I asked her how long she had to discuss this and suggested she put on a pot of tea. For me, dealing with finances was one of the most difficult aspects of my grief process aside from the fact my husband died. I was terribly unprepared and totally unknowledgeable.
\nI’m the first to admit I was a spoiled princess. Money was always the source of arguments in my house growing up so that carried over into my marriages. Being the wife of a doctor, money wasn’t really tight. I had a checking account that wasn’t really monitored. What I thought was just “not worrying” turned out to be “highly irresponsible.” Mr. Virgo and I had separate accounts and we both had good jobs. I just didn’t worry about it. I’d ask his opinion. I had a financial advisor but he wasn’t necessarily overly involved. I just left my IRA with him and hoped for the best.
\nMr. Virgo often commented that I should find a different advisor because he didn’t think the guy was doing much for me. But, since it was my money from my divorce, he left it to me to make my own decisions. Money talk makes me highly uncomfortable so I decided the devil you know is better than the one you don’t. It was easier to just stay where I was. An ostrich with my head in the sand.
\nThen the unthinkable happened. You are never prepared entirely. I sure could have been more knowledgeable though. A friend suggested a Christian financial advisor. After meeting with her, I moved my IRA over and started learning about being a responsible steward for the gifts God gave me. This is what the journalist and I discussed during the interview.
\nWe talked about some of the difficult decisions I had to make. Selling the house was major. Getting rid of 95% of my personal belongings and downsizing from a three bedroom house into a thirty foot camper was a challenge. Traveling across the country and trying to help my elderly aunt was difficult. Whenever I am interviewed about the early period of grief, it really strikes me how much territory I have covered since Mr. Virgo died.
\nThe first thing I did when I hung up the phone was text my girlfriends and remind them to have that difficult conversation about end of life decisions. Know where everything is. Have a notebook with all the accounts and passwords. If you go over to my website, there is a link there where you can purchase an excellent book called The LastingMatters Organizer by my friend, Barb Sedoric. I wish I would have had something like this before I so unexpectedly became a widow.
\nDo you know what a crucible is? When you have raw ore, you place it in a crucible and heat it up to ultra high temperatures. This burns off the impurities and leaves you with something stronger, better, precious. Grief is a crucible that turned my gritty “sand” into colorful glass that reflects the light in a million different directions. It’s not till I’m forced to turn around and look that I can see how far I’ve come. ❤️
\n“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.” Isaiah 43:2 NIV\n \n", "date_published": "2018-11-17T02:30:37-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/11/17/grief-is-a-crucible.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","God","Wisdom","Courage","Downsizing","Change","Starting Over"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/11/12/triggers-learning-to-see.html", "title": "Triggers: Learning to See", "content_html": "
![\"Misty](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/069a0ccf9b.jpg\")
“Triggers are sounds, smells, or sights that bring back traumatic memories.”
According to GoodTherapy.org, a trigger in psychology is a stimulus such as a smell, sound, or sight that triggers feelings of trauma. People typically use this term when describing post traumatic stress disorder. (PTSD) This reminder can cause a person to feel something as innocuous as sadness clear across the spectrum to a full blown panic attack.
\nThe first time I remember being triggered was when I lived in England. I was on the military base with my husband and was pregnant with my first child. This was a very large base with hundreds of buildings and lots of things to do. Occasionally, a military base goes on lockdown if there has been some sort of threat. On this particular day, there was an alarm and the gates were closed and locked. No one could get in or out.
\nSuddenly, I couldn’t breathe. I had this terrible feeling of being trapped and that caused me to go into full on panic mode. Hubby #1 had to talk me off the ledge. It wasn’t until twenty years later when I was in therapy that I finally figured out what that was all about. I was trapped in a garage and sexually assaulted when I was 8 years old. Ever since then, being someplace where I can’t get out fast triggers my memory of that trauma.
\nThe first trigger I experienced after losing Mr. Virgo was at a summer fair. A man next to me started choking. Like…Heimlich Maneuver choking. Instead of seeing the man and helping (as I have been trained to do) I froze and had a flashback. It was literally like someone dimmed the lights and turned the movie on and I was watching Mr. Virgo getting CPR again. It was brutal. I later discovered it was PTSD and had EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) therapy.
\nI have had several sessions of grief therapy and it’s been well over five years now since Mr. Virgo died. I don’t have nearly the negative response to triggers that I used to have. But triggers are still there and can still trip me up. It’s usually when I’m tired or sick or when they come in clusters. That’s what happened recently.
\nHere I am, newly married and happy as a clam. All the running around and planning and fixing up the home place for the wedding wore me out. The day after our wedding, my aunt died. Several friends either were desperately ill or lost close members of their family. Trigger after trigger kept coming. I could see a dark wave in the distance. I recognize a grief wave when I see one now because I can identify triggers. I couldn’t do that early on. It’s one of the benefits of good therapy, time, and distance.
\nInstead of sinking down under a blanket of sadness, I went to the farm and had some quiet time. I cuddled up under the blankets in my grandma’s bed. I listened to the sounds of the old farmhouse that has become such an old friend. I invited the dark wave to come closer and as it did, I practiced a mental exercise. I gathered up buckets of dark, foamy grief and handed them to Jesus. Bucket after bucket after bucket…I let it go right past me, right through me, instead of drowning me. I talked my way through it. I acknowledged that triggers come and I don’t have to succumb to the pain anymore. I don’t have to carry the weight of that burden anymore. I don’t have to feel desperate and panicky anymore.
\nBeing at this point was something I couldn’t even imagine five years ago. Having this level of strength and peace was something I never dreamed I could attain four years ago. Three years ago…two years ago…I was beginning to see. I was beginning to have hope. I will never be the same as I was before the traumas I have suffered. I will continue to evolve and learn and grow. I have learned to turn stumbling blocks into stepping stones. This is one of the gems I found in the flames of grief. ❤️
\n“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.” Proverbs 3:5-6 NIV\n", "date_published": "2018-11-12T02:30:17-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/11/12/triggers-learning-to-see.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Growth"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/11/09/remaining-hopeful-in-a-hopeless.html", "title": "Remaining Hopeful in a Hopeless World", "content_html": "
![\"News](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/e5176b3168.jpg\")
“When the news is on fire, how do you stay hopeful?”
We awoke yesterday to the news of yet another mass shooting. We are only three days out from another season of hateful politics. Glaciers are melting and species are disappearing. Computers can generate images that are easily passed off as truth. China just released the first AI news anchor. There will come a time when we won’t be able to tell what’s real and what isn’t. There’s so much death and destruction, murder and mayhem, and just pure evil in this world. How do you remain hopeful in a world like this?
\nI was reading some comments yesterday on a news post. One after another, people expressed hopelessness. I just read that a college student was supposed to go to the place in Thousand Oaks but she had homework. As a child, she went to a school in Colorado where a gunman broke in, took hostages, and eventually killed a girl then himself. She asked her mother why death followed her so much. There were people at the dance hall who had been at the concert in Vegas that was attacked. How on earth do you remain hopeful in circumstances like this?
\nCompound all this with grief and it is SO easy to become hopeless. To succumb to sadness and depression. I mean, here I am…the perennial cheerleader…the veritable Pollyanna, as Mr. Virgo called me. I’m weary of all this negativity. It’s beyond negative. It’s evil.
\nI can’t just stick my head in the sand. I can’t stick my fingers in my ears and yell “LA LA LA LA LA I CAN’T HEAR YOU!” I can’t cover my eyes and pretend I don’t see what’s going on. That isn’t productive. It isn’t healthy. And it’s not realistic. Granted, I don’t watch TV so one might say I am practicing avoidance. I say I’m being selective. I choose my media outlet based on who I feel gives the most fair and unbiased news reporting. I cross check sources and references. I Google things I am skeptical about. I practice critical thinking. En masse. It’s tedious. It’s time consuming. But it’s the only way I can keep my senses from being barraged and eventually overwhelmed.
\nI look at the world through the lens of my faith. I am a Christian. And I am a Liberal Democrat. I have not looked up the statistics, but I am sure I am in the minority…looked at distrustfully by both sides. And therein lies the problem. Sides. Division. US against THEM. Divisiveness is encouraged. Chaos is a smokescreen. The enemy is very, very busy now.
\nWhen I find myself feeling mired down by all the hatred in the world, I remind myself…I’ve read the Book. I know how this story ends. The light prevails over darkness. Faith, hope, and love. God tells us love is everything. It is behind every commandment. We are to love God with every ounce of strength we have. And, we are to love our fellow man as we love ourselves.
\nThe enemy whispers doubts and delusions. Yes. There are evil things happening. Yes, there is darkness all around. But, I can put light out there. I can find ways to bring God’s light into the world. I can carry the love of Jesus in my heart and let Him shine through my thoughts and actions. And if I can do that, others can do that. The enemy wants me to believe I am the only one trying to make the world a better place. He says things like, “Why are you even bothering?” He is whispering lies meant to break me, to discourage me. But I won’t be discouraged. I’ll WALK STRONG as long as there is a breath in me. I will always look up. I will seek God’s face. I will ask for his comfort and guidance. I will pray for discernment to show me what is true and what is not. But most of all, I will trust Him. Because of His promises to me. He has never, EVER failed me. And that, my friends, is how I remain hopeful in this fallen world. ❤️
\n“If your enemy is hungry, give him food to eat; if he is thirsty, give him water to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head, and the Lord will reward you.” Proverbs 25:21-22 NIV\n", "date_published": "2018-11-09T02:30:21-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/11/09/remaining-hopeful-in-a-hopeless.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Grace","God","Peace","Wisdom","Courage","Presence","Choices","Change","Be Joyful!"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/11/07/election-day-and-the-bbc.html", "title": "Election Day and The BBC", "content_html": "\n
![\"Autumn](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/8b31a94f95.jpg\")
“The colors at the farm were amazing!”
I left after breakfast to head to the polling place. When I got there, the digital system to sign attesting your eligibility to vote was not functioning properly. It would not take my signature. We fiddled with it for over fifteen minutes till the gentleman finally held the connecting wire in exactly the right position. Once it accepted my signature, I turned and faced a sea of faces. Apparently, I was not the first to have difficulty signing in. There must have been 30 people sitting around waiting for their turn at the computer screen to vote.
\n![\"Farmhouse](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/26059899e7.jpg\")
“I love this little red farmhouse and how it looks in the fall colors.”
Getting out to vote today had another distinct advantage. I got to meander about the countryside and enjoy the beautiful colors again. I loved watching the leaves rain down, filtering through the sunlight creating a dazzling display of red, gold, and yellow sparkles. Looking in the readies mirror, I could see the leaves kicked up by the truck and they spun around and around behind me.
\n![\"Camper](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/3379ae0d73.jpg\")
“There is Joy…still under her tarp. I have to get her moved to the Ponderosa and try to get something done with her before it gets too cold.”
![\"Autumn](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/bb5fc08cdb.jpg\")
“This looks like a painting, but it’s a photo I took on my way home from the farm last evening as the sun was setting.”
Sure enough, the call came through. The producer connected me to the live line so I could hear the show as it progressed. The interviewer played a segment of an interview earlier in the day, then went live to the three of us being interviewed. Two men and myself. I truly enjoyed listening to their responses because I was amazed at how similar our experiences were. Our segment lasted about half an hour. I listened back and I think it went very well. You can listen to it here. Our segment begins a few seconds after 22:27. ❤️
\nhttps://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m0000zxg
\n“Those who sow with tears will reap with songs of joy. Those who go out weeping, carrying seed to sow, will return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with them.” Psalm 126:5-6 NIV
\n", "date_published": "2018-11-07T02:30:46-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/11/07/election-day-and-the-bbc.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Hope","West Virginia","Gratitude","Comfort","Peace","Humbled","Presence","Peaceful Moments","Be Joyful!","Press"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/10/31/photographic-memories.html", "title": "Photographic Memories", "content_html": "![\"OBX](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/ad77bb2b7d.jpg\")
“Fishing on the OBX”
Mr. Virgo was quite the photographer. He left me with so many beautiful photos that he took of wildlife. Not to mention so many of the beautiful places we visited together. I cherish those. I really have so few photos of him. It seems he was always the one behind the lens.
\nIt reminds me of a morning shortly after we were married. I was in the bathroom getting ready for the day. My hair was a mess, I hadn’t brushed my teeth or washed my face. I was just standing there looking at my reflection in the mirror…white robe tucked around me, half-lidded eyes, in desperate need for coffee. The house was still. I wondered where he was, when…..click.
\nHe looked up from the viewfinder with such a sweet smile on his face when I whirled around…fire in my eyes. I gave him a short “OMGosh! What are you doing? I’m a mess!” I immediately regretted that when I saw the crestfallen look on his face…the hurt in his eyes.
\nHe rarely took photos of me after that. And certainly not impromptu, candid shots that I wasn’t prepared for. It wasn’t till he was gone that I realized it went so much deeper than just snapping a photo.
\nHe thought I was beautiful.
\nHe saw my beauty when all I could see were flaws. I denied him the pleasure of capturing something he loved to see. Of doing something he loved to do.
\nI learned from that. I’ve learned that if my sweet Mr. FixIt turns the camera in my direction I won’t care what I look like because he sees something I have learned to see for myself these last five or so years. He sees the lines on my face that mean I have had so many opportunities in my life to smile. He sees depth in my eyes that comes from love and loss. He sees silver in my hair that says I’m a wiser woman than I was with Mr. Virgo.
\nPlease don’t fuss when someone wants to take your picture. They want to capture what THEY see…what THEY want to remember about you. Let them. Give them that gift. Unless you’re doing a photo shoot for Vogue, which I very much doubt, what harm is there in messy hair or bleary eyes? They see you through the soft lens of love. What a beautiful thing is that? ❤️
\n“You are altogether beautiful, my love; there is no flaw in you.” The Song of Solomon 4:7 ESV
\n", "date_published": "2018-10-31T01:30:08-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/10/31/photographic-memories.html", "tags": ["Uplifting Stories","Grief","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","Wisdom","Humbled","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/10/30/grief-love.html", "title": "#Grief \u0026 #Love", "content_html": "![\"Man](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/fccb3c2283.jpg\")
“Mr. FixIt fishing on the Outer Banks.”
This man. This love. There was a tipping point in my grief. That point where you cross a raging river and the bridge collapses after you. You can’t go back. And, once you’ve lived in the new place a while, you know things have changed in your heart. That other place isn’t your home anymore. This is where you belong. Where you were meant to be. The whole exercise made possible because of the sum of your experiences.
\nDo I wish Mr. Virgo hadn’t died? Of course I do. But I live in this world now. This life. This is the phoenix rising.
\nThis man. This love. ❤️
\n“Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God.” 1 John 4:7 ESV
\n", "date_published": "2018-10-30T01:30:02-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/10/30/grief-love.html", "tags": ["Family","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Fun","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Love","Wisdom","Be Joyful!","Starting Over"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/10/21/live-a-good-life.html", "title": "Live a Good Life", "content_html": "![\"Autumn](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/a8ba6147d5.jpg\")
“Live a Good Life”
When we were decorating the tent for the wedding, I went around the house, the buildings, and the farm looking for decor I could use. There was so much more I could have put out there, but frankly, I realized we were just going to have to haul it all back into the house afterwards. I decided to just keep it simple.
\nI was standing in the kitchen giving some last minute directions to my wonderful friend, Charlotte, when I looked up above the kitchen sink and saw this sign. I took it down and handed it to Mr. FixIt and said, “This goes out by the front of the tent to greet our guests!” It’s our daily reminder to “Live a Good Life.”
\nThis has been the busiest, jam packed week we have had since we started dating. So much has happened, I’ve really just started processing it all. Aside from the changes that come with marriage, and the death of a dear family member, something else has been rattling around in my head wanting attention.
\nIt wasn’t so much what WAS there. It was more…what WASN’T there. Namely, that dogged undercurrent of grief that has simmered just beneath the surface of my life for the last 2,049 days. I know grief is not something you “get over”. I know it’s something you “get through”. It is something you learn to walk around without falling into that giant hole in your heart. It is something you learn to deal with in time. I honestly had no idea it would change with the commitment of another marriage.
\nIt seems the act of marrying has caused a…shift in the force, so to speak. Maybe it’s the high of the wedding itself, but I don’t think so. Maybe it’s a gift from God for being obedient. Maybe it’s a natural progression of things when significant life changes occur. Maybe it’s just the Evolution of Grief.
\nWhen there are significant milestones in life, like your child’s wedding, or the birth of a grandchild, and your person isn’t there, it causes their death to come front and center. You think about how much he would have loved to see that. How much your son or daughter misses their dad. How your grandchild will never know that grandparent. It reminds you of an emptiness.
\nThat was totally missing last weekend.
\nOh, I thought of Mr. Virgo that day. Of course I did. I even had a quiet moment before the wedding when I silently thanked him for having been in my life. However, I wouldn’t have been getting married that day if he were still alive. And, I love Mr. FixIt SO much. I can’t imagine my life without him. It wasn’t like I had to say to myself, “Don’t think of Mr. Virgo!” He just…wasn’t there.
\nThat kind of surprised me, actually. Because, like I said, I honestly didn’t know what to expect. It’s never occurred to me to ask other widows who have remarried how it affected their grief. So, like I’ve done from the beginning, I feel what I feel and I write about it. The feeling has persisted all week. Mr. Virgo is still here, but he’s standing much further away. Because…just as I stepped out the door to walk across the field and marry my sweet Mr. FixIt, I looked up and told Mr. Virgo…”Don’t worry about me now. I’ve got this!” ❤️
\n“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.” Proverbs 3:5-6 NIV
\n\n", "date_published": "2018-10-21T01:30:04-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/10/21/live-a-good-life.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","God","Peace","Wisdom","Courage","Choices","Change","Wedding"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/10/19/a-beautiful-day.html", "title": "A Beautiful Day", "content_html": "
![\"Wind](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/3135e09382.jpg\")
“On our way home yesterday, I caught a glimpse of the wind turbines atop a ridge near Elkins. It was an incredibly beautiful day.”
The last two days were perfectly beautiful in the mountains of West Virginia. We left home around 11:00am Wednesday and got to our motel room an hour before the viewing. We hadn’t eaten since early so we went looking for something to eat after the viewing. You have three choices in the little, tiny town of Petersburg…Subway, Pizza Hut, and McDonald’s. We drove fifteen miles to Moorefield, hoping for a restaurant but found nothing we were willing to try. We we ended up buying some sandwich fixings at Food Lion and had a picnic back at the room.
\nThere was no cell service and no WiFi at the motel which was fine by me. I wrote and scheduled Wednesday’s and Thursday’s posts Tuesday night in anticipation of being off the grid. It was really chilly when we got back to the room so I took a hot bath, bundled up, and got under the blankets and caught up with a week’s worth of devotionals. There were four channels on the TV so we turned it off and fell sound asleep by 9:30! Unheard of for us.
\nThe funeral was yesterday at 11:00am. It was a very nice service. They played some songs…Elvis singing Amazing Grace…One Day at a Time. And one other I’ll share with you here.
\nTheirs was a love story, through and through. My uncle told me the first time he set eyes on my aunt, he was smitten. There was a lot going on in 1956. My Uncle Sonny was killed in a plane crash in 1955. Not long after, my Aunt Rosie got married. So, Uncle Dudley and Aunt Viv decided to elope to Oakland, Maryland and get married…in the same place my grandma and grandpa eloped to. Well, when they came home and told everyone…let’s just say, grandma wasn’t very happy about it. She loved Aunt Viv. She just wanted a wedding.
\nThat was the start of 62 years of devotion. I remember their love as being full of fun and laughter and playfulness. I sat behind him at the funeral and when they played this song, he bowed his head. His shoulders shook slightly from his silent tears. The only other time I remember him crying was when I called to tell him Mr. Virgo died. It broke my heart.
\nAs they played “Love, Me” by Colin Raye, I listened to the lyrics and realized the song was about their love. And I cried along with him. For broken hearts. For lost loves.
\nThe funeral procession wound its way through the hills and countryside till the terrain opened into an expansive valley. We turned left and climbed the hill to the tent that was erected over her grave. My uncle had just purchased these plots last week. They had decided over the years they really didn’t like the cemetery where they had purchased plots years ago but they just hadn’t gotten around to getting the new ones. Oh, my! The view was absolutely stunning. My aunt rests high on a hillside overlooking magnificent farmland. Black angus cattle dot the landscape in the verdant green fields. The hardwoods of the forests surrounding the valley were just beginning to hint of the glorious burst of color coming in the next two weeks.
\nAfterwards, we gathered at the fellowship hall at the church and had one of those wonderful meals country church women fix after a funeral. Hearty, comfort food and lots of love flowed around those tables and we left reminded we are family. Our bonds run as deep as the cool springs in these Appalachian hills. The blood of our shared ancestors keep us connected far beyond the pages of Facebook. We promised to keep in touch with those we seldom see. We promised to bring something special to this year’s Thanksgiving dinner.
\nMr. FixIt and I drove quietly through the hills, holding hands…our minds no doubt remembering we aren’t newlyweds at 25 and 26. We are newlyweds at 65 and 66. Our time together won’t be 62 years…but what time we DO have will be filled with fun and laughter and playfulness…just like my aunt and uncle’s marriage. I’m grateful for their example. I’m grateful for the opportunity to love like them. I’m just grateful for every day.
\n\n❤️
\n“Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a worker who does not need to be ashamed and who correctly handles the word of truth.”
\n2 Timothy 2:15 NIV
\n", "date_published": "2018-10-19T01:30:08-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/10/19/a-beautiful-day.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Grief","Hope","West Virginia","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","Love","God","Wisdom","Courage","Choices"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/10/18/saying-goodbye.html", "title": "Saying Goodbye", "content_html": "![\"Family\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/0a9ad7cdf8.jpg\")
“My family at the farm…Aunt Viv is far right.”
I don’t remember a time in my life without my Aunt Viv in it. She and my Uncle “Dudley” and their girls were who we waited for with great anticipation every Thanksgiving. It was a grand event when their little grey Volkswagen turned up the driveway at the farm. The girls would always arrive sleepy-eyed from the Dramamine they had to take to keep from getting carsick from the long trip on the winding roads of West Virginia. Grandma always sat in her chair in the front window of the dining room, just waiting to get her hands on two more grandchildren. My brother and I could hardly wait for our cousins to get there so we could have two more playmates.
\nAunt Viv was the calm and steady background to the cacophony of children running rampant through the small farmhouse. She always had a smile on her face. She always loved on us. She sent greeting cards at every holiday. She played the piano for us when we visited her house. There were always warm hugs waiting at her door.
\nWe didn’t have much money when we were growing up. I had friends and neighbors who “went to the beach” for summer vacation. I couldn’t even imagine what that was like. Our BIG summer vacation was going to visit my aunt and uncle on the other side of the state. It is only one-hundred sixty-five miles from here to there. But those are West Virginia miles. A good section of the trip is four-lane now and that cuts down a lot on the travel time. Back then, it could take six hours to get there. It was quite the event. Their first house was quite small and my brother would sleep on the couch while I bunked in with my two girl cousins…something I eagerly looked forward to since they were the closest thing I had to sisters. They were my first friends.
\nAs an adult, I went to visit Uncle “Dudley” and Aunt Viv when I came to West Virginia. I called them at least once a month. Aunt Viv always answered the phone and we would enjoy a nice visit. Then, a few years ago, she stopped answering the phone. Dementia stole her away from us bit by bit. What a hateful, brutal disease. I have others in my family who have suffered similar fates…my father included. That concerns me when I can’t remember things. But I don’t “borrow trouble” by dwelling on it.
\nToday, we say goodbye to a good and faithful woman. While it is sad…always sad to see them go, there is relief she is free from her pain and in the arms of Jesus. I’ll see you again, Aunt Viv…some glad day. ❤️
\n“Surely you have granted him unending blessings and made him glad with the joy of your presence.”
\nPsalm 21:6 NIV
\n", "date_published": "2018-10-18T01:30:53-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/10/18/saying-goodbye.html", "tags": ["Family","Grief","Prayer"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/10/16/the-harder-side-of-love.html", "title": "The Harder Side of Love", "content_html": "![\"Holding](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/6bfa10efb4.jpg\")
“This is what true love looks like.”
“Love bears all things [regardless of what comes], believes all things [looking for the best in each one], hopes all things [remaining steadfast during difficult times], endures all things [without weakening].” 1 CORINTHIANS 13:7 AMP\nI received a call Sunday that my sweet Aunt Viv crossed over to meet our Lord. Aunt Viv has always had a heart of gold. I remember her holding Daughter #2 on her lap and singing “Jesus Loves Me” to her when she was just a bitty thing.\n
Aunt Viv met my Uncle “Dudley” when they were in high school. She was a majorette. He was on the football team. They both had excellent role models growing up and their marriage was built to last. Like my grandparents, my aunt and uncle sit beside each other and hold hands. It’s precious to see.
\nAs Aunt Viv slid further and further into dementia, I encouraged my uncle to at least consider respite care so he could get some sleep. The last two years have been terribly difficult and he often went for days on very little sleep. They did finally get some help in the form of home health care, but he pooh-poohed the idea of placing his sweetheart somewhere other than the home they built together.
\nThe other night I was having my quiet meditation time. I read my devotionals and had a quiet conversation with God.
\n“Lord, I am about to be married again. There were times in my past marriages when I wasn’t very good to my husband. Can you help me be a better wife? Can you show me what that means?”
\nImmediately this picture popped into my head and I went through my phone to find it. Suddenly, I had this brilliant insight. Here I was, encouraging my uncle to send his beloved wife away when God was using him to show us all what true, Godly love looks like. He was showing us what “in sickness and in health” really means. I was humbled and ashamed. I immediately wanted to hug my sweet uncle and thank him for being the excellent role model he was and to apologize for ever speaking to him in such a way. What an amazing, strong man.
\nThis is not to say there is anything wrong with people who make the difficult choice to put their loved one in a nursing home. Everyone has their own beliefs and abilities and no one should ever be made to feel guilty for having made that decision. It takes a lot out of a person to do what my uncle has done. I hate that he is so worn down. But I love that he stuck by his bride and held her hand for sixty-two years…right to the end. I think there will be an extra star in his crown when he joins her one day. ❤️
\n", "date_published": "2018-10-16T01:30:19-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/10/16/the-harder-side-of-love.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Hope","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","Love","God","Wisdom","Courage","Humbled","Aging","Presence","Choices"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/10/02/im-a-risktaking-storyteller.html", "title": "I’m a Risk-taking Storyteller", "content_html": "![\"Inspired](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/b894b6b5cb.jpg\")
“I am willing to risk being wrong.”
“He who observes the wind will not sow, and he who regards the clouds will not reap. As you do not know the way the spirit comes to the bones in the womb of a woman with child, so you do not know the work of God who makes everything. In the morning sow your seed, and at evening withhold not your hand, for you do not know which will prosper, this or that, or whether both alike will be good. Light is sweet, and it is pleasant for the eyes to see the sun. So if a person lives many years, let him rejoice in them all; but let him remember that the days of darkness will be many. All that comes is vanity.” \n\nLet’s face it…I’m a risk-taker. I wasn’t always. I stood at the edge of many a precipice, leaning forward just enough to deem the venture far too scary to attempt. And, being a perfectionist compounded the issue with my “If I can’t overachieve, I will not try” personality. This has kept me from experiencing many incredible moments that, at the very least would have been entertaining, and more than likely would have changed my life. But, change wasn’t something I was interested in. \nEcclesiastes 11:4-8 ESV
I remember when my 20-year marriage was falling apart. I had been in therapy for depression stemming from a past filled with abuse, both to me and by me. Sexual abuse. Emotional abuse. Alcohol abuse. Prescription abuse. When my ex-husband was at the end of his rope, he had some therapy of his own to gain the tools he needed to take care of himself. He was changing right in front of me and it scared me more than anything else had. Because I knew where this was headed. My long-standing abandonment issues assured me I would be alone and destitute and living on the streets. Of course, that never happened, but I distinctly remember him saying something to me and asking him just how much he was going to change because I didn’t like it. I can look back on that moment now and realize he was actually saving my life, but at the time, I was horrified.
\nWhen I found myself dangling by the end of my own rope, I was forced to change or die. I’d love to say it was an easy choice and I moved right on by the huge crevasse that had opened in my life, but that was not the case. I overdosed and came as close to death as I care to go at this point in my life. And that was, as they say, the bottom of the barrel.
\nI wasn’t a Christian yet, but I saw a tunnel before me of the most beautiful shade of cobalt blue surrounded with rays of gold…like a giant eclipse of the sun. While I was in this tunnel, my dead grandma came to me and stood by my side. She sternly told me, “Get back down there, young lady! You have work to do!” It took me five years and the death of my mother and the prayers of some really great people to find Jesus and my life changed in an instant. Not that my circumstances were ideal and I didn’t still struggle. I did. But I felt every cell in my body come alive and become new. It was…THE change. The really BIG change.
\nMy fear level plummeted. I became a risk taker. After two failed marriages, Mr. Virgo came into my life and I plunged off the cliff of a third marriage holding hands with a wonderful man. We enjoyed seven years of this bliss before he died suddenly as we were planning our golden years. Grief chiseled me into who I am today. Stronger, to be sure. Softer, more empathetic. Grief became my story…and I’m an avid storyteller.
\nNow, here I am…about to jump off the cliff again. My fourth marriage. I swear, it’s my LAST marriage. Daughter #1 has taken to calling me “Liz”. Someone asked me the other day if I was scared. My answer was, “Heck no! I’m marrying my very best friend whom I’ve known for fifty years. Bring it on!” I realized a couple of days later what she meant….
\nWas I scared of losing Mr. FixIt like I lost Mr. Virgo?
\nI pondered. This is why no one likes to talk about death and grief. It hits too darned close to home. Am I worried that Mr. FixIt will drop dead in front of me? I’d be lying if I said no. Am I willing to risk going through loss and grief again so that I can experience the love of another wonderful man? Absolutely! And you know why I say that? Because, I’m a risk-taker now. Ever since I laid everything on the line for Jesus, I’ve been firmly in the camp of “I’m willing to risk being wrong.” It took me 14 months of being engaged to Mr. FixIt to prepare for this marriage. It took standing up and adding the caveat of living separately for the month before the wedding as a sacrifice and atonement for living together before we were married. And it took the assurance of a loving God that He will always and forever have my back in all things I do. I will not be afraid.
\nThey say God will catch you and teach to you fly. I am sure there will be many flying lessons ahead, but it’s a risk I’m willing to take and a story I’m willing to tell. ❤️
\n\n", "date_published": "2018-10-02T01:30:31-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/10/02/im-a-risktaking-storyteller.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Fear","Courage","Choices","Starting Over","Wedding"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/09/25/a-change-of-status.html", "title": "A Change of Status", "content_html": "
![\"Engagement](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/a0bcb8dcaa.jpg\")
“The change from “widow” to “engaged” deserves a moment of reflection.”
““Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.” Matthew 7:7 NIV\nI did something monumental yesterday. I changed my relationship status on Facebook from “widow” to “engaged”. Ok, in the grand scheme of things, that’s not really monumental...but it IS, you know?\n
Some people change their relationship status like they change their shoes. I remember that first attempt at “dating” after Mr. Virgo died. It was (I’m embarrassed to say) only five months after he died. I know, I know. Plenty of my friends and my family were like…”WTH are you DOING???” What I was doing was putting a tourniquet on my hemorrhaging heart. I went so far as to change my relationship status and knew immediately that was a HUGE error in judgment. Let’s face it…when you are grieving, good judgment goes out the window for quite some time.
\nIt wasn’t long till the status went back to “widow” and there it has stayed for the last five years. When I tell my story, I start out with “My husband and I had decided life was too short to wait for retirement to have some fun…” Always the same. I’ve had people misunderstand my story for “wallowing in my grief”. That isn’t it at all…at least not after a couple of years. I tell my story so that others may not feel so alone in their grief. So that others may learn that when grief strikes, you don’t have to crawl into a ball and stay there forever. I tell my story to give people hope that there is life in spite of grief.
\nIt’s not like I haven’t thought about changing my status before now. After all, Mr. FixIt and I have been engaged for over a year. And, it has nothing to do with my feelings for him. I love him dearly and want to be with him the rest of my life. It’s just five little letters, but widow is what I’ve related to for five-and-a-half years. It does not define me anymore, but it will always be a part of who I am. I was fiddling around on Facebook yesterday and just had this flash.
\n“You’re getting married in nineteen days, girlfriend. It’s time.” Without giving it a second thought, I went from “widow” to “engaged”. Then I sat and looked at it. Wow. This is huge. Yet, not. Yet, it is. I’m finally ready to put “widow” in second place. And now, when I tell my Mr. Virgo story, it will start out with “My late-husband and I decided…”
\nI’m making a concerted shift in consciousness. My focus will be more forward-thinking. My posts will have lots of new stories and color and joy and adventure. It feels like I’m leaving something behind, though. That’s one reason I’ve been staying over at the farm alone a lot lately. I need some alone time to process that. To package it up and set it on a shelf. I can still reach it. I can still take it out and look at it. I’m just not going to sit with it in my lap so much. This is all about healing and moving forward and letting go. The shift from one status to the other deserves a moment of honor and reflection. It’s good. It’s all so very good. ❤️
\n\n", "date_published": "2018-09-25T01:30:40-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/09/25/a-change-of-status.html", "tags": ["Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Growth","Gratitude","Love","Wisdom","Courage","Choices","Change","Starting Over","Wedding"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/09/22/a-change-is-gonna-come.html", "title": "A Change is Gonna Come...", "content_html": "
![\"Changing](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/a54ab9d557.jpg\")
“A change is coming. Can you feel it?”
“Many claim to have unfailing love, but a faithful person who can find? The righteous lead blameless lives; blessed are their children after them.” Proverbs 20:6-7 NIV\nYesterday, I told you there were some big decisions I’ve been working on the last few months. Today, I want to talk with you about one of them. The most important one. This is a REALLY long post...but hang in there with me. You won’t be sorry.\n
Not long after Mr. FixIt and I became a serious item, God started working on me. For a long time, whenever I walk into church, I say a little prayer. I always say, “Lord, if there is a personal message you have for me today, please anoint the Pastor’s words so he can deliver it to me.” Countless times, God answers my plea and the Pastor will literally come to the front of the stage, stand right in front of me, look me straight in the eye, and say something that is unmistakably personal. Something exactly about what I’ve been working on, or worrying over. I would say it’s uncanny, but what it really is…is supernatural. Our God is a supernatural God. He listens, and He communicates…through the Holy Spirit. Through a total stranger. Through your Guardian Angel. If He has a message, and you ask Him to tell you loud and clear, He doesn’t need a megaphone. He’ll beat you over the head with it if it’s something you truly need.
\nFrom the time Mr. FixIt and I got serious, I’ve been getting messages from God that we shouldn’t be living together without being married. I have to be honest…this has never bothered me before. I’m a product of the ‘60s and I never had a problem living with someone before we got married. But this time is different. It’s been wearing on me. And I think I’ve figured out why.
\nThe biggest reason is my faith has grown exponentially since Mr. Virgo died. I had to make God the center of my life in order to survive that loss. In order to not feel so alone. And God has drawn me ever so close to Him. He has guarded me and protected me. He has led me through some terribly difficult times. He has been my rock…my anchor. In the past, that has not been the case. My relationship with my husband was my focus. My relationship with God suffered and therefore I suffered. And I wasn’t even aware of it.
\nMr. FixIt and I keep God at the center of our relationship. Or…so I would love for everyone to believe. See, here’s the thing. You’re either all in with God. Or, you’re not. That’s why I’ve been feeling off about cohabitation. Now, there is the issue of widow’s benefits. I had been told when I first went to Social Security after Mr. Virgo died, that if I remarried I would lose my widow’s benefits. I’ve kept that information in my mind all this time without questioning. Until last weekend.
\nMr. FixIt and I have spent a great deal of time apart in the last month between being sick and in the hospital, camping with the Girl Campers, and going to Country Living Fair. The reason I took my camper up with me and camped alone instead of bunking with my gal pals was…I needed some alone time with God. These wonderful women I was with are two of my strongest Christian friends. They mentor me. They are sounding boards for me when I have questions. They are my fellow prayer warriors when I need them. I confessed how I was feeling and they talked with me about it.
\nWhile camping alone, I prayed deeply. I told God my worries. I told him I totally trust in Him and that I know without question that He will provide for me. But I’ve been so worried about losing my widow’s benefits because my own Social Security is paltry. I was a stay-at-home mom, so I didn’t make a lot of money in my lifetime. Mr. Virgo, however, worked in 5-Star resorts and restaurants all his career. He died before touching his Social Security. My benefits through him are far more than my own. Not enough to live in the lap of luxury, mind you. But enough to live on if I were extremely frugal. I asked God to give me a sign that I wouldn’t lose my benefits if I remarried.
\nThen, I listened. “Google. What happens to widow’s benefits if you remarry?” Simple enough, right? I mean, why didn’t I think to Google that a long time ago? Because….it wasn’t the right time. Mr. FixIt asked me to marry him just a month after we started dating. It was too soon. We needed to get to know each other more. We needed to grow together in our faith. And, I needed more time to work through my grief. This was God’s perfect timing. I Googled the question and page after page of answers came back. “If you remarry after the age of 60, you will NOT lose your widow’s benefits.” Wow! The reason it stuck in my head so long ago was, I was only 59 when Mr. Virgo died. They told me if I remarried, I would lose my benefits. But that was THEN. Grief brain didn’t allow the rest of it to soak in.
\nI sat back…stunned by this revelation. I looked up and said, “Thank you, God. That’s all I needed to know!” Then I texted Mr. FixIt.
\n“I miss you. Let’s get married.”
\nWithout missing a beat, he wrote back. “OK! We’ll set a date when you get home! What prompted this?”
\n“God.” I said.
\nSo, we set a date! Yes, my lovely Ranchers…we’re getting MARRIED!!!
\nOhhhhh….Emmmmmm…..Geeeeeeeee!!!
\nI’m all in. I can’t, in good conscience, profess my faith AND live in a way that I feel, for me, is counter to that. So I’m following my conscience and God’s clear instructions to marry this very wonderful man that He sent me. We chose October 13th as our wedding day. When I was looking through the calendar, the 13th jumped out at me. I seemed to remember it being a family anniversary. I looked up on my family tree and indeed…it was my Grandma and PopPop’s anniversary! Those two in whose bedroom I am currently propped up, writing to you! PopPop died on my mom’s birthday…August 26th. Just seven weeks before their 50th Wedding Anniversary. I know how terribly sad I was when Mr. Virgo died just three weeks shy of our 6th anniversary. I can’t imagine what my grandma went through losing her forever sweetheart so close to such a monumental event. I am thrilled we can celebrate our wedding on their special day!
\nSo, there it is, my friends. A change is gonna come. Will I still be a widow? Yes, I will always and forever be a widow. AND, I will be a wife again. Never in my wildest dreams would I have anticipated something so precious happening again. I know Mr. Virgo had a hand in this. He and God stopped at the 9th or 10th hole one day when they were playing a round of golf.
\n“Hey, look down there at that beautiful woman. Do you think we can send her someone to love who will love her back with the white-hot heat of the sun?”
\nAnd God said…”Ha! Watch this!” ❤️
\n\n", "date_published": "2018-09-22T01:30:36-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/09/22/a-change-is-gonna-come.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","West Virginia","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Wisdom","Courage","Choices","Change","Be Joyful!","Starting Over"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/09/12/out-of-the-mouths-of.html", "title": "Out of the Mouths of Babes", "content_html": "
![\"Human](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/56b5c21646.jpg\")
“Craving human touch after loss is one of the most painful aspects of grief.”
“I’m so grateful to Christ Jesus for making me adequate to do this work. He went out on a limb, you know, in trusting me with this ministry. The only credentials I brought to it were invective and witch hunts and arrogance. But I was treated mercifully because I didn’t know what I was doing—didn’t know Who I was doing it against! Grace mixed with faith and love poured over me and into me. And all because of Jesus.” 1 Timothy 1:12-14 MSG\nMy younger granddaughter is my mini-me. Creative, funny, and incredibly intuitive, she just seems to “get me”. And she knows when to contact me and say just the right thing. Monday was Mr. Virgo’s birthday, and while the day itself did not carry the painful weight it has in the past, I still could not ignore the feelings in my heart as I remembered such a wonderful man and the passage of time without him. Then, last night... “Little” contacted me via text. \n
“What was Papa’s last name?” she asked.
\n“McKinney, sweetheart. Same as mine.”
\n“He was a ghost on a video.”
\n“What? What video???”
\n“A video I saw last week. I just remembered to tell you. A medium was talking and a man with Papa’s name spoke out and said he was there. He said he died of a heart attack. He said the woman reminded him of his wife because she was creative and funny. I know it was him and I just wanted to tell you…he’s not really gone.”
\nWow.
\nShe was only five when her Papa died. Yet she was the one who gave me the most comfort. She held my heart in a special way that only she and I could understand. She kept a sacred space between us where her Papa and my Mr. Virgo could live forever and never be forgotten. She is so special. She had no way of remembering that Monday had been his birthday. Yet, she knew to reach out.
\nThinking back over the years since he died, I remember how hard it was to miss his physical presence. I missed his hugs the very most. The way he would fold me into his chest, the top of my head tucked just under his chin. The smell of leather and tobacco and wood coming from his sweater. The sudden absence of that left a gaping hole in my life. I have always been a hugger. One of the reasons my second marriage fell apart was because Hubby #2 wasn’t. He hadn’t been raised that way. But Mr. Virgo gave me all the hugs I wanted.
\nI went on the search for physical contact after Mr. Virgo died. I tried dating a couple of guys and that was a catastrophe. Way too soon, way wrong people. I got hugs at church. I cruised the downtown shops and the mall in my little town looking for people I knew who would hold me for that extra long hug that makes casual acquaintances uncomfortable. I have a brother/friend who was wonderful…if I texted him at 3:00am, he would answer right away with “Where are you?” “In the camper,” I replied. “Be right there.” He would saunter over from his house a few blocks away, climb in the camper with me, and we would snuggle up in the corner under a blanket and I would show him pictures on my iPad while he wrapped his arms around me tight. No expectations. Nothing sexual. Just unconditional brotherly love and compassion. I will never forget his kindness. I got a prescription from my doctor for weekly massages to keep myself anchored. I visited my children and my brother as often as I could. I traveled and stayed with gentle friends who held my heart. And, eventually, I could stand up on my own again. I didn’t NEED quite so much. I didn’t ACHE quite so hard.
\nI was at a place of acceptance when I came back to West Virginia to live on the farm two years ago. I was at peace with my life and felt more centered than I probably ever had. That’s not to say I didn’t want someone in my life…I did. I’m a people person and I do better with a tribe. But I was getting ok with not having someone around all the time. Then…along came Mr. FixIt. And let me tell you…he is a hugger extraordinaire. When we first started dating, we would just sit and hug each other for hours. We’d talk and tell stories and just BE together. One day, he whispered…”This is medicine for the soul.” He was right, it was. It still is.
\nI know I’m blessed. I know what a gift this is. Late life love is precious. I just read a tweet from the author, Anne Lamott. She was watching the US Open with her love a couple of days ago when he said, “Can I ask you a question?” “Oh, sure,” she said, thinking it was something about the carport they were building. “Will you marry me?” She’s 64. He’s 63. “God is SUCH a show-off!” she said. I know not everyone wants another love after loss. I know some want it and it doesn’t come. I struggle sometimes sharing my joy while balancing sensitivity for others’ pain. My point is to always strive for hope. Always search for joy. No matter what that looks like for you…alone, together, screaming from the mountain tops, or cloistered in the stacks of a really great library. Whatever your bliss…my wish for you is that you find it. In spades! ❤️
\n\n", "date_published": "2018-09-12T01:30:39-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/09/12/out-of-the-mouths-of.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","Wisdom","Courage","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/09/11/listening-to-the-still-small.html", "title": "Listening to the Still Small Voice", "content_html": "
![\"Sternwheeler\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/126ea70731.jpg\")
“Sternwheelers left the festival early this weekend due to threat of flooding.”
“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”” Joshua 1:9 NIV\nThis time last year, I had just wrapped up my first Sisters on the Fly event that I hosted here in West Virginia...WV Riverboat Rendezvous. It was timed to coincide with the Sternwheel Festival in Marietta. There were twenty-three women in attendance and we had a blast! Lots of activities from riding a stern wheeler over to Blennerhassett Island to touring a Victorian Mansion to learning how to clog while listening to WV’s Number 1 Fiddle Player. We churned homemade ice cream and had an old fashioned weenie roast. We took a tour of an abandoned oil and gas town. The weather that weekend was fabulous. No rain, reasonably cool weather, and a wonderful campground made for a really fun weekend. \n
All year, I toyed with the idea of doing it again. While it was indeed a lot of fun, it was a tremendous amount of work. Every time I thought about getting started organizing it, that still small voice said, “No, not this year.” I was afraid I was disappointing others who might want to gather again this fall, but I just couldn’t shake the thought that it wasn’t meant to be this year. If I would have forged ahead and not listened, the event would have come, not only on the heels of my hospitalization last week, but also a wicked bad storm hit over the weekend. Our rain gauges, both at the Ponderosa and at the farm, were topped out at six inches and overflowing, so who knows what we actually received? The point being…I listened. I was told no. And I abided by that.
\nEveryone who camped with me this weekend with the Girl Campers got home safely with no weather problems. I was so grateful to have had that time with my friends without all the stress a large event causes. I went to the farm yesterday and did laundry in preparation for this week’s trip to the Country Living Fair. Mr. FixIt and his daughter came out to join me. We went through some of the boxes of my treasures and had so much fun looking at things my dad brought back from the war and some old family photographs. We played cards and told stories of growing up. It was such a pleasure to feel the farmhouse warm with the love of family.
\nThere was one point where I opened one of the boxes and laying right on the top was the bill from the ambulance company that took Mr. Virgo to the hospital the day he died. I looked up at Mr. FixIt’s daughter and sighed. She, too, is a widow. She looked at me questioningly.
\nI closed the lid to the box and smiled. “There are still some things that bother me,” I said. “This is the ambulance bill. Today would have been his 68th birthday. I don’t need to go through this box today.” She gets it.
\nStill…it was a good day, all in all. I just had to leave well enough alone.
\nAnd today…we remember the fallen. 9/11. We will never forget. ❤️
\n\n", "date_published": "2018-09-11T01:30:57-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/09/11/listening-to-the-still-small.html", "tags": ["Family","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","West Virginia","The Farm","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","Wisdom","Downsizing"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/09/02/days.html", "title": "2,000 Days", "content_html": "
![\"Meme\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/a32a76f6bc.jpg\")
“2,000 Days”
“(For we are but of yesterday, and know nothing, because our days upon earth are a shadow:) Job 8:9 KJV\nFor a long time after losing Mr. Virgo, I marked the timeline of my grief by significant dates. The first anniversary without him came just three weeks after he died. That was a tough one. First Halloween marked when we met. The first time I celebrated his birthday alone was terribly sad. First Thanksgiving, first Christmas...the list went on and on and I was convinced when the first “angelversary” of his death came around, I could turn a corner on this grief thing. Needless to say, that didn’t happen.\n
The seconds were worse for me than the firsts. Because, the first year I was in a fog. The second year I was awake and he was still gone. It was deeply painful. It was desperately lonely. I was exceedingly angry. Each day led me forward, ever so slowly, toward…what? Healing? Peace? Acceptance? It wasn’t easy. Somewhere along the line, 1,000 days passed and I wrote about my experiences along the way. Still marking the calendar of grief.
\nNow it’s been 2,000 days. Unbelievable. It seems like forever ago. It seems like yesterday. It sometimes even seems like he was a dream and I never really had him. I think that’s fairly normal, from what I have heard from you all over the years. I can’t remember his voice anymore. I struggle to picture his hands. He’s like a really good movie that I loved and watched over and over till I memorized all the words…then lost the disk. I’ll never see that particular movie again, but I remember how much I enjoyed it.
\nI still get waves of grief. They don’t hit nearly as hard as they used to, and they don’t last nearly as long, thank God. I notice them most when I am tired or not feeling well. I’ve learned so much about myself since he died. I’ve become much stronger. My world is brighter now that I’ve passed through all those days. I have new love. But I will never lose my old love. I have them both. I am a widow and a partner. I grieve and I rejoice.
\nI have greater compassion now. For others. For myself. I know not everyone has a new love. Not everyone wants it. Women are perfectly capable of being widowed and still lead a fulfilling life. One does not need a partner to be rich in love. Women can be remarkably resilient and strong all on their own.
\nSo, it’s been 2,000 days. Remarkable…yet another ordinary day. The seas are much calmer this far from the shore. ❤️
\n\n", "date_published": "2018-09-02T01:30:41-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/09/02/days.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","Love","Peace","Wisdom","Courage","Presence","Starting Over"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/09/01/what-do-you-do-with.html", "title": "What Do You Do With HIS Stuff?", "content_html": "
![\"Gentleman](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/457e23718f.jpg\")
“Mr. Virgo dressed for the Ritz Carlton.”
“The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” Psalm 34:17-18 NIV\nWe had a good discussion here yesterday about downsizing...a topic near and dear to my heart and one not everyone is interested in. I get that. We like our stuff...it brings back memories, it is proof of what we worked for. But, what do we do with HIS stuff? If you’ve watch any rom/com, you’ll see women throwing the guys stuff out the upstairs window and burning it on the lawn if infidelity or divorce are involved. While I don’t necessarily recommend that, I can see how it would be cathartic. Usually the man takes care of his own stuff in a breakup. That can’t happen when death is involved.\n
When I was newly widowed, I walked in a daze for weeks. I couldn’t imagine going through Mr. Virgo’s stuff and getting rid of anything. I would often stand in his closet, wrap myself in his clothes that smelled of leather and tobacco and Halston and woods. I grieved to my very core, holding onto the last things he touched. I did this for a few weeks. Then I took off in my little camper for three months.
\nWhen I returned, I had screamed and cried out a lot of my initial grief up on the mountaintops. I realized standing in the closet wrapped in his clothes wasn’t healthy for me. My daughter was a teacher at a poor, inner-city school that had a program for young men. They provided a suit and interview training so they would have a better chance at landing good jobs. When I heard about this, something inside me smiled. I knew Mr. Virgo would love to have his suits used for such a purpose. This gave me the impetus to go through his closet. I saved a couple of sweaters, my favorite ties, and his leather bomber jacket. The rest I bagged up.
\nWhen I woke up the next day, I reached for my phone and saw message after message on my feed…Happy Father’s Day! I sat up and looked around. All of his clothes were in bags on the floor surrounding the bed. And I had no one to hug for Father’s Day. I always had a bag packed to impromptu camping trips so I went out and hooked up TOW-Wanda and headed for the hills for a few days.
\nWhen I got home, I carried the bags out to the car and carted them around for a couple of weeks just to make sure I was really ready to let go. Once I was convinced, I delivered them to my daughter. I would have loved to have heard the stories of successful job interviews!
\nOnce the closet was cleaned out, it wasn’t a big stretch to go through his dresser and get rid of his underwear and socks. I never felt like I was invading his privacy until I got to the top drawer of the highboy and his briefcase. That bothered me. I felt like I was snooping. I knew I had to go through them because there were papers in there that I might need. I did find some things I wasn’t expecting. There were a couple of charge accounts I didn’t know about. And there was an envelope with his and another woman’s name on it addressed to the house he lived in before he moved to Aspen. At first, I was upset by this. I thought I knew everything about him. Then I realized that he didn’t know everything about me either. We were in our mid-50’s when we met. A lot of water had gone under the bridge before we ever set eyes on each other. The new information didn’t change a thing about our relationship. It was still wonderful. So, I let it go.
\nMy way of cleaning out his closet may not be your way. And that is perfectly fine. We all walk down this path in our own way, in our own time. If it’s ten weeks or ten months or ten years, you do what you need to do. I will lay this down here though, and you can pick it up or not. There is a wonderful organization called Career Gear. You can donate suits and business casual clothes to them and they provide training, professional clothing, and mentorship to men in need so they can get good jobs and provide for their families. I saw a story about them, I believe on Sunday Morning. This would be a good place to donate your husband’s clothing. Or, you may find something similar in your area. It’s just a thought.
\n\nAnother alternative is creating a memory quilt or pillow from items of his clothing. My friend Steve did this. He had memory quilts made for his three kids and teddy bears for his nine grandchildren…all from his late wife’s clothes. It was a wonderful way to memorialize Nana for her family. I don’t know anything about this particular site, but it’s an example.
\nhttps://www.toocooltshirtquilts.com/blog/dealing-with-the-clothing-of-a-passed-loved-one
\nI hope you find your way through this difficult step with peace…no matter when you decide to do it. Just remember to do it your way. Don’t let anyone tell you how or when. ❤️
\n\n", "date_published": "2018-09-01T01:30:48-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/09/01/what-do-you-do-with.html", "tags": ["Family","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Growth","Wisdom","Courage","Downsizing","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/08/28/flora-or-fauna.html", "title": "Flora or Fauna?", "content_html": "
![\"“Music](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/c68786a056.jpg\")
“Music Pink and Blue” by Georgia O’Keeffe
““Look at the lilies and how they grow. They don’t work or make their clothing, yet Solomon in all his glory was not dressed as beautifully as they are. And if God cares so wonderfully for flowers that are here today and thrown into the fire tomorrow, he will certainly care for you. Why do you have so little faith?” Luke 12:27-28 NLT\nIt has been over a century since Georgia O’Keeffe first showed her art in New York. Her floral studies look as though you are viewing a delicate flower under a microscope. The languid curves and soft focus give an ethereal beauty to mother nature’s treasures.\n
In 1918, society was absolutely dominated by conservative men. There were few female artists…and none like Ms. O’Keeffe. Her art was interpreted as portraying the female genitalia. She spent the next six decades denying this vehemently. They were merely studies of flowers. However, I can certainly understand why there was this…misunderstanding.
\nGeorgia O’Keeffe lived in the desert southwest and her art is well known and abundant in the western states. I will never forget the first time I saw one of her paintings and thought it was rather…bawdy. It wasn’t till years later I learned to see what she saw. This particular painting is called “Music Pink and Blue”. I don’t know. It just doesn’t look like music to me. It looks like anatomy.
\nSpeaking of which, the doctor’s visits continue. I’ve been catching up with my routine healthcare ever since I started on Medicare the first of June. Before that, my insurance cost me nearly $800 a month with a deductible over $7,300! I used it specifically for my medications and for strict emergencies. I put off anything I could for three years till Medicare kicked in. So now I’m playing catchup.
\nThe older you get, the more things can be wrong with you, it seems. And one test leads to a panel of blood tests which leads to a CT scan and on to a colonoscopy and upper endoscopy. The mammogram went from films, to special compression views, to needle biopsy, and finally to surgical removal of a lump with a biopsy. Lower abdominal pain progressed to a pap and on to a visit with a GYN (hence the Georgia O’Keeffe reference) and colposcopy with biopsies. H.O.L.Y. C.A.T.S. That wasn’t pleasant. Yes…this is probably TMI. However…I tell you these things to illustrate why you should stay current with your routine healthcare and not put it off. Three times, I’ve had things removed that were precancerous. Had I waited longer, it could have crossed over to cancer. Once, I actually had a melanoma but it was in situ which means “contained”. It had not spread beyond it’s own boundaries, thank God.
\nWhen we are widowed, or when we are raising children, or…who am I kidding? Women don’t always take care of themselves at any age because they are busy taking care of everyone else. If you have been putting off getting something checked or you’ve looked it up on WebMD and convinced yourself it is nothing, I’m here today to encourage you to get a complete physical. I know it’s a pain in the butt. I know it can turn out to be expensive. It’s important. YOU are important! And…while you are on interminable hold with the doctor’s office to make that appointment, enjoy this painting of…..a flower. ❤️
\n\n", "date_published": "2018-08-28T01:30:34-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/08/28/flora-or-fauna.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Wisdom"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/08/26/a-man-of-honor.html", "title": "A Man of Honor", "content_html": "
![\"Senator](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/8c17a0b8c2.jpg\")
“Senator John McCain 1936-2018”
“Good people leave an inheritance to their grandchildren...” Proverbs 13:22 NLT\n*****Disclaimer: I removed a blatant political comment from a reader. For one, because we don’t discuss politics here. I am not rewarding that kind of negativity with a response. I am not making a political statement by honoring Senator McCain. I am honoring a man who was a devoted family man...a husband, father, friend. I am honoring a soldier, like Mr. Virgo. I am remembering the sacrifices he made for this country....sitting in a Vietnamese prison as a POW, for one. I may not have always agreed with his politics, but I can still honor a man who reached across the aisles. \n
And lastly, the comment included a slur that I will not ever tolerate on this page. The “r” word. There is no place for that here.
\nI am surprised, and dismayed, at the number of people who have unliked my page this morning…obviously because of this post. I hate that we live in such a divisive society that we can’t tolerate a post that remarks on the death of someone in the political arena that sits on the other side of the aisle. I wrote this as a memorial of sorts. Not only to Senator McCain, but to his family and loved ones who are now members of a club many of us belong to and didn’t ask to join.
\nAnd to another of Mr. Virgo’s wonderful stories.*****
\nI am a liberal Democrat, but I really liked Senator John McCain. He spoke in a no-nonsense way and didn’t mince words. He told it like it was and he wasn’t particularly concerned who’s feathers it might ruffle.
\nWhen Mr. Virgo and I first started dating, he worked at the Hotel Jerome in Aspen. Every September, Teddy Forstmann…a wealthy NY financier…gathered the best and the brightest from around the world for the Forstmann Little Conference. He was brilliant and chose an eclectic group…from four-star generals to political powerhouses to athletic superstars. All expenses were paid and the guest roster was always super secret until the opening of the conference. No one ever spoke of the contents of the discussions in the room. Mr. Virgo and the manager of the hotel were the only two people on staff who had a high enough security clearance to go inside. And they were sworn to secrecy.
\nMr. Virgo and I had been dating about a year when the conference convened in September 2006. General Colin Powell was in a wheelchair after breaking a leg. Mr. Virgo told me about tripping over him when he was serving and nearly landing in his lap. He was hush-hush about all but one…Senator John McCain. Mr. Virgo was a staunch Republican. We decided early on we were going to just agree to disagree about politics and call it good. He rarely ever brought it up, but this particular night…he came home in awe. He said, “This man needs to run for the Presidency.” He raved about the Senator’s ability to capture a room and mesmerize his audience in his straight-shooter fashion. He couldn’t stop talking about him.
\nI liked Senator McCain. He was compassionate yet a maverick as he fought with both sides of the aisle. His sense of honor and duty were exemplary. We’ve known for over a year now that he had an aggressive brain cancer. We knew we would be losing him. His treatments allowed him many months of a better quality of life than he would have had otherwise and that offered his family more time to share with their loved one. As those of us who have lost a spouse know, no amount of preparation ahead of time eases the pain of loss and there is a family out there today that is grieving the death of a great man. My heart goes out to them today and my prayer is for their comfort and strength to get through the coming days, weeks, months without him.
\nRest In Peace, sir. Thank you for your service.
\nSenator John McCain 1936-2018
\n??
\n\n", "date_published": "2018-08-26T01:30:40-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/08/26/a-man-of-honor.html", "tags": ["Grief","Prayer","Gratitude","Peace","Wisdom","Courage","Aging"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/08/22/another-layer-of-the-onion.html", "title": "Another Layer of the Onion", "content_html": "
![\"Sunset\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/752dbd4a48.jpg\")
“Sunset over the Ponderosa.”
“The Lord examines the righteous, but the wicked, those who love violence, he hates with a passion.” Psalm 11:5 NIV\nOne would think, after nearly five-and-a-half years as a widow, I wouldn’t still be gaining insights into the nature of grief. After all, I’ve written nearly 2,000 daily essays...many dealing with the subjects of death and dying. I’ve passed many milestones. I’ve fallen in love again. Yet, it never ceases to amaze me when I get to peel back another layer and learn something about myself through the lens of loss.\n
Before Mr. Virgo died, I never really thought about death…not on the daily anyway. I had certainly dealt with loss. My beloved grandma, my wonderful mom, and even my estranged father. Still, those losses didn’t put death in my sights. Since his death, however, the prospect of losing someone so close to me again has caused me a great deal of anxiety and a fair amount of fear. Early on, there were so many times when I felt I was just one crisis from losing it completely and my prayer was always, “Lord, please keep everyone safe. I can’t lose another one. I don’t have it in me.” I remember telling people I loved to be extra careful. Don’t get hurt. What I was really saying was, “Please, don’t die.”
\nAs I’ve told you often, I don’t watch TV…I catch my news online so I can pick and choose what I watch. I have noticed changes in the last six months or so. I can concentrate enough to read a book now. I can knit again. I can even go to the movies…something I’d only done once since Mr. Virgo died. Mr. FixIt and I went last week and it was wonderful. Things are changing. Things are healing. And, while I don’t make a regular diet of the news, I have watched the news on occasion lately.
\nIt’s culture shock. After not watching TV for years, watching it is…visceral. Politics. Severe weather. Fires. Crime. It’s been a difficult summer in the world. Last week I was transfixed by the case of Chris Watts. While the facts of the case are abhorrent, my interest was from a psychological standpoint. I saw his interviews with the press. I watched his body language. I knew he was lying. And, I knew he was going to blame his wife for killing the girls and then he was going to say it was a crime of passion. It was like the script was written all over his face. Then, yesterday, they found the body of Mollie Tibbetts after a high profile search. Another layer of the onion of grief was pulled back to reveal a deep fear.
\nBeing a grandmother, one cannot watch stories such as these without thinking of your grandchildren. I realized I had watched too much…dived too deep… when I spent the night clutching my pillow to my chest and begging God to protect my people. I felt riddled with anxiety. My granddaughters are adolescents…attractive, smart, gregarious. I want them to be invisible. I want them to walk around with a force field. I want them to stay in their rooms till they are forty. But, of course I don’t really. I want them to live their lives. I want them to be joyful. I want them to learn and have adventures and be strong women. I just want them to be safe.
\nI will back away from the television now. It causes me dis-ease. I cannot control the world. I can’t keep bad things from happening. I can’t hover over my children and grandchildren. But I can send out as much love and light into the world as I can. And I can encourage others to do the same. I can dish out heaping helpings of encouragement and positivity. With enough prayer and love and light, maybe we will see the change we so desperately hope for…we so desperately need. Walking strong in my faith, knowing who is really in control, soothes me. ?
\n\n", "date_published": "2018-08-22T01:30:47-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/08/22/another-layer-of-the-onion.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Growth","Wisdom","Fear","Courage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/08/20/into-the-wilderness.html", "title": "Into the Wilderness", "content_html": "
![\"Colorado\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/2be4f4fed9.jpg\")
“The wilderness of Colorado offered me a place of solace to grieve.”
“Then Jesus was led by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil.” Matthew 4:1 NIV\nWhen Mr. Virgo died and I went alone into the wilderness and backroads of Colorado for three months, I was often faced with views such as this. Vast expanses of wilderness, as far as the eye could see. I could go days without seeing another soul. It was what my heart needed...to walk alone with God. To seek quiet counsel with my Father who could comfort me like no other. To feel free to express my emotions in ways that could release the pain and anguish without constraint. It was all part of the life-altering experience of loss and healing.\n
Pastor Justin spoke yesterday of what happened to Jesus after he was baptized. In Matthew, Chapter 4, Jesus had just been baptized and was led by the Holy Spirit into the wilderness. There, he was met by the enemy who tempted him. After fasting for forty days and forty nights, Jesus was hungry. Satan scoffed at him saying, “If you are the Son of God, tell these stones to become bread.” To which Jesus answered that man shall not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of God. The devil led him to a high point and commanded Jesus to jump, saying surely God’s angels would catch him and he would not be harmed. Jesus said, “Do not put the Lord your God to the test.” Again, the enemy took Jesus to the highest point and offered to give Him all of the kingdoms if He would just bow down and worship him. To which Jesus replied, and I paraphrase here…Get the heck away from me! I will serve only my Father in Heaven!
\nThe Pastor brought up a couple of interesting insights that I want to share with you today. First, Jesus was baptized and received the Holy Spirit in the most remarkable way. When we receive the Spirit, we certain feel it to the depth of our soul. We are instantaneously changed…at a cellular level…into a new creation. When Jesus received the Holy Spirit, the sky literally opened up, and the voice of God declared to all that would hear…”This is my Son, in whom I am well pleased.” That had to be epic for those within hearing range. Then, the Holy Spirit was delivered down from Heaven in the form of a dove and landed on Jesus. Can you imagine watching this taking place?
\nThen, what was the first thing that happened? Did Jesus get up and say, “Wow…I feel different now.” Did he walk into favor and blessings and immediately start healing people? No. He was led, by the Holy Spirit, into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil.
\nThis is where we go as well. When we first accept Christ as our Savior, we don’t strut around like we’ve just won Best Actor. We don’t get showered with “super blessings” and everything becomes right in our world. If this is what happened to you, you might want to look back at the sincerity of your proclamation, because what really happens is…we are led into the wilderness. And we are bombarded by the enemy. He tempts us. He lies. He kills. He destroys. We may be bewildered by this because no one told us things were probably going to get mighty difficult when we choose this particular path. Because Satan is threatened by your faith. He hates it. He is jealous. He wants to whisper in your ear and fill you with doubt. We need to do what Jesus did…tell the devil to get away from you. You aren’t having any of this.
\nPastor Justin pointed out…this temptation is a lie. The enemy is tempting you with things you already have. He may tempt you by causing your eye to wander to another when you already have a spouse at home. He may make you envy your neighbor they’re big fancy house when you already have a house of your own. He is offering you things you already have because he doesn’t have anything real to offer you. His offer is death.
\nWhen I look back at the challenges of the last several years, I see so many moments when I could have chucked it all in, but I stayed the course. Because, you never know when the blessing will come. There have been times in this writing journey that I have asked myself if it is worth it to keep going. Have I already said everything there is to say? Is it making a difference to anyone? It can be tiring. It can be frustrating. I sometimes struggle for a topic. But I listen for the still, small voice. And today, it spoke to me through a reader. In my Sunday Evening Prayer Circle, a reader told me she was praying for me and my ministry here. She said that my words have helped her and made a difference in her life. I’m not saying this to boast. I am saying this to praise the Holy Spirit who moved her to answer the question that I lifted up to God just this morning in church.
\n“Am I doing what You want me to do, Lord?”
\nThe answer was, “Yes.”
\n?
\n\n", "date_published": "2018-08-20T01:30:18-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/08/20/into-the-wilderness.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","God","Courage","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/08/16/firsts-dont-always-come-once.html", "title": "Firsts Don’t Always Come Once", "content_html": "
![\"Window\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/81cdbcbb4b.jpg\")
“Firsts don’t only come once.”
“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” Psalm 147:3 NIV\nThe other day, I was reading a tweet from a gal that I follow. She was commenting about a deep feeling of grief she felt she had long ago left behind her. She is a widow and her youngest was off to college. Another “first”. They don’t always come in the first year. There are graduations, and weddings, and grandchildren, and vacations, and retirement...all things you thought you were going to get to do with your person.\n
When you are newly bereaved, the initial shock numbs you. You walk in a haze as you go through the motions of planning a funeral, greeting the attendees, and writing all those Thank You notes. Somewhere before too long, you start peeling back all these layers and grief continually bubbles up as you realize all the things you have lost along with your loved one. You have a sense of this loss up front. But you don’t realize how it will affect you when you get to those milestones. They can knock you down just as hard as some of the earlier waves of grief.
\nI watch Mr. Virgo’s grandchildren growing up on Facebook. I don’t have a relationship with his daughter, but she is kind enough to keep me connected so I can see the children. The little one is the spitting image of her grandpa. It twists my heart when I see her. When I realize he didn’t get to know them and they won’t get to know him, it makes me sad. Firsts…first grade…first dance recital…all the big “little” things grandparents are supposed to share with their grand babies. Daughter #2 will be planning a wedding soon. She and Mr. Virgo were very close. That will stir the waves.
\nThere will always be these moments. This is the price you pay for love. If there is an upside, it is that the waves aren’t as big and they don’t last as long now. I have learned how to tap-dance around that hole in my heart without falling in…most of the time. My new relationship with Mr. FixIt is wonderful, but he doesn’t replace Mr. Virgo. You can’t replace someone you truly loved. Grief remains as a scar on your heart…and your life grows around it. ❤️
\n\n
\n", "date_published": "2018-08-16T01:30:12-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/08/16/firsts-dont-always-come-once.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Hope","Growth","Wisdom","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/08/06/once-upon-a-time.html", "title": "Once Upon A Time...", "content_html": "
![\"Best](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/be9e425652.jpg\")
“Your wedding day is your ‘Best Day Ever’. But what about attending weddings when you’re grieving?”
“If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing.”\n1 Corinthians 13:2 NIV\nWeddings are joyous occasions for family and friends to gather and witness two people joining in a lifelong commitment. Just like baptism is the outward sign of an inward commitment, so is a wedding. Mr. FixIt and I went to his granddaughter’s wedding on Saturday and it was so touching to hear her voice thicken with emotion as they said their vows. Toasts were given, tears of joy were shed, as well as tears of sorrow as the bride’s step-father passed away unexpectedly last summer. My heart went out to her mom...his widow...my sweetheart’s only daughter.\n
There have been times when a wedding cut me off at the knees. After a painful divorce many years ago, a wedding was a slap in the face…a reminder that my marriage had failed. My second to do so, actually. Then, after losing Mr. Virgo, it was a stab in my heart…a huge neon sign that read “You are a WIDOW!” Which, translated meant…”You are not married anymore!” That’s not really true…yet it is. It’s a heck of a place to be in your head.
\nI distinctly remember riding a city bus one time after my second marriage ended. There was a couple on the bus…sitting close, holding hands, looking lovingly into each other’s eyes. I wanted to literally get up out of my seat and go slap them. After losing Mr. Virgo, my response was different. I wanted to tell every single person who was in a relationship to CHERISH EVERY MINUTE!!! I wanted to lecture them of the sin of taking their person for granted…for not appreciating every single thing, every word, every action the other did.
\nAttending a wedding when you are grieving, no matter what the cause, may be difficult. If you feel you just aren’t up to it, then by all means decline. I’m sure most people will understand. If the wedding is for a close family member or friend and you feel you need to go, pace yourself. Take breaks for a bit of fresh air or to go to the powder room. Hopefully, the bride has extended a “plus one” invitation and you can bring a friend for support. (I always encourage brides to extend a “plus one” invitation for widows/widowers as a courtesy. We sometimes need that extra boost of confidence a friend can provide.)
\nI am grateful to have come through that and can now attend a wedding…happy for the newlyweds. I can remember the past with less pain and more love. It is such a blessed relief to be in this place of peace. That being said…I was immensely relieved the bride and groom did not choose “At Last” for their first dance. ❤️
\n\n", "date_published": "2018-08-06T01:30:56-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/08/06/once-upon-a-time.html", "tags": ["Family","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Fun","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","Be Joyful!"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/08/01/an-amazing-heart.html", "title": "An Amazing Heart", "content_html": "
![\"Bike](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/b872d395a9.jpg\")
“A bicycle stands in the road in Tajikistan where two American cyclists were killed over the weekend.”“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”\nPsalm 147:3 NIV\nNow that the news has been widely disseminated, I can share more about my friend’s son who was tragically killed over the weekend. Perhaps you have seen the story on the news. Jay Austin and his partner, Lauren Geoghegan, were the two American cyclists killed in Tajikistan over the weekend. They had just completed their first year riding their bikes and living a life most can’t even imagine.\n
![\"Jay](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/5be711521a.jpg\")
“Jay Austin in January, cycling in Spain during a year-long bike adventure.” Family photo from internet
Jay worked for HUD in Washington, DC. He had revolutionary vision regarding urban housing and development. He was a huge proponent of the tiny house movement and was featured in a short documentary film on the subject. You can view it here:
\n\nWhen he decided to quit his job and go on a cycling adventure around the world, he talked Lauren into joining him. After touring around Iceland on two wheels, they headed for more adventurous places. You can read their blog here:
\n\nThey had recently entered Tajikistan and found it to be both stunningly beautiful and incredibly challenging to travel by bicycle. The thin air in the higher elevations actually made Lauren sick so she went ahead in a van while Jay rode the highest pass yet…on his own. He described the journey as arduous and could only ride five feet at a time, then desperately suck in air while he pushed his bike forward.
\nOn the other side, Jay and Lauren were reunited. They joined some other Western cyclists and were riding in a group of seven when a car suddenly, purposefully ran into the pack of cyclists. Amateur video footage actually caught the car turning around and deliberately hitting them again, at which point, the passengers jumped from the car and stabbed the cyclists. Three riders, including Jay and Lauren, were killed at the scene and another died at the hospital. Two were injured…one admitted and the other treated and released to a safe house. The seventh was a cyclist who had lagged behind the group and only received minor injuries.
\n![\"Jay](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/f139948d9c.jpg\")
“Jay Austin and Lauren Geoghegan of simply cycling.org.”
Jay had recently written on his blog that, while bad things can happen, the world is generally a safe place and people were kind-hearted everywhere they went. According to the news, ISIS has claimed responsibility for this heinous act, but Tajik authorities think it is likely the work of the Islamic State, a related group of Tajik citizens who are ISIS sympathizers. At any rate, the news also reports that four of the five suspects have been “liquidated” and the fifth is at large.
\nI met Jay’s mom, Jea, while camping with the Girl Campers a few years ago at Blackwater Falls. She is quiet, a bit introverted, and kind with a heart the size of Texas. She raised her three children as a single mom and they all have beautiful hearts. She is one of those people you meet and you just “know”. This has obviously been a devastating blow for her and her family.
\nLester Holt was supposed to highlight Jay’s life on his news program last night, but I think the story got bumped because of the plane crash in Mexico. You might want to try to catch it tonight to see if the segment airs.
\nAs Jay and Lauren wrote on their blog…”Life is short and the world is a big place.” They wanted to see it on wheels while they still had their youth and their health. May God give them rest and peace in Paradise. And may He hold Jea and her children in His loving arms as they navigate the coming days…weeks…months……years. ❤
\n\n", "date_published": "2018-08-01T01:30:33-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/08/01/an-amazing-heart.html", "tags": ["Travel","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/07/31/when-the-unthinkable-happens.html", "title": "When The Unthinkable Happens", "content_html": "
![\"Mountain](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/14c9ffbf98.jpg\")
“What do you do when the unthinkable really happens to someone you know?”
Everyone thinks their grief is the worst grief ever…because it is theirs. This is legitimate because it is YOU that is dealing with it, YOU that has lost your person. It’s hard to imagine it being any worse than it is…at least, at first it is. After some time, you begin to hear stories of other’s loss and you begin to see where they have gone through much worse things. This doesn’t negate your experience at all. But it does give you incredible empathy for others who are struggling.
\nOver the course of the last five years, I have spoken with countless widows and widowers who have lost their spouses…everything from the sudden death of a heart attack like Mr. Virgo to long, drawn out diseases such as cancer that took their loved one ever so slowly. I have often thought, while my loss was sudden and shocking, I couldn’t imagine watching him suffer. I told myself, if I had to lose him, at least it was fast and relatively painless, from what I could tell.
\nOne of the harder things to imagine is losing a child or a grandchild. That goes against nature…we aren’t supposed to outlive our youngsters. Or death by suicide. It is so hard to know what to say to those left behind. I’ve written about this many times…especially what NOT to say. You should never say “They’re in a better place.” Because, they aren’t to the ones left behind. They should still be HERE. THIS is the better place. You should never trivialize another’s grief by going into your own story. There is a place for that, especially when asked by the newly bereaved a question like, “How did you handle this?” The best thing you can do is offer a hug or some other form of support like errands, food, or chores. As far as what to say, a simple “I am so sorry. My heart is with you in your loss” should suffice when you have no other words.
\nI’ve faced people with all kinds of grief, but I came up against something yesterday that broke me. A sweet friend I know from camping lost her son and his girlfriend two days ago to murder abroad. I struggled all day yesterday with what to say that would make a difference. Finally, I told our mutual friend who was going to go sit with her to please tell her I am praying so hard for her and her family. I am praying for comfort, for endurance, for strength, for courage. And to tell her my heart is breaking for her.
\nThis is new territory for me. It’s the ultimate unthinkable scenario. The worst of the worst case scenarios. And, just that morning, I read in my daily devotions…
\n1 Peter 5:10NIV “And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen.”\nIt must be incredibly difficult to maintain your faith when the unthinkable happens and your child is lost in such a violent manner. It must be terribly confusing to make important decisions while navigating laws and language barriers with a foreign country all while you are totally numb. It must be so frightening to do this with very little family to support you. You pray there are close friends who will help in your time of need. My faith always brings me back to seeking God in every situation. In this, I am reminded...God does not bring these tragedies upon us. He is not punishing us for some transgression. There is evil in the world and terrible, evil, unthinkable things happen. And, while it may indeed be a very long season for you to get through this unspeakable thing, God wants you to know your suffering is finite. He will bring you strength and will restore you. Not in the same form you were. But in a different way, a different person, a different life. He will make you strong, firm, and steadfast, though you may not always feel that way. He will never leave you nor forsake you, though sometimes it will feel as though He has gone quiet and distant. He restores your soul. Yes, this I know. As Marilyn Meburg (@marilynmeburg) said in her “Early Nite Munch” on Twitter last night, “How does our sweet shepherd restore our soul? It’s after we have emptied the contents of our hurt and He’s still listening. He holds our quivering mass of uncertainty in His hands and whispers “I love you, I love you, I love you.”\n
That’s the best I can offer in this saddest of all circumstances. This I do know…it’s ok to not know what to say or do. But, at least try to say or do something. Even if it’s just a sincere, “I’m so sorry.” This is not my story to tell, so I will not identify my friend or her son. But please…lift this mother who lost her boy and his girlfriend in the most unimaginable way…lift them in prayer and ask God to wrap them in His feathered wings as they take each next step on this arduous journey. God knows who they are.
\nAnd…tell your loves that you love them. ❤
\n", "date_published": "2018-07-31T01:30:44-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/07/31/when-the-unthinkable-happens.html", "tags": ["Grief","Prayer","God"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/07/17/mile-tuneuporhow-emdr-saves-my.html", "title": "50,000 Mile Tune-Up...or...How EMDR Saves My Brain", "content_html": "![\"EMDR](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/6e179e82e7.jpg\")
“EMDR reprograms your brain.”
“Behold, I will bring it health and cure, and I will cure them, and will reveal unto them the abundance of peace and truth.”\nJeremiah 33:6 KJV\nA little over five years ago, I sat on a stool in the corner of an emergency room and watched them do CPR on my husband. It went on FOR-EV-ER. Stop. Start. Shock. X-Ray. Start. Stop. Check. Shock. Over and over and over. I sat with my hand clasped over my mouth to keep from screaming. I wrapped my feet intricately around and through the legs of the stool to keep from jumping up and running away. My shoulders slumped...my free hand dug into my thigh so I could feel something other than horror. And all of that...all of the valiant efforts, all of the shouts for more drugs, all of the hustle and bustle and orchestrated chaos could not save him. He died in spite of the best efforts of the Western Slope’s best and brightest. He died. And I could do nothing to stop it.\n
I ran away in my camper for three months. I busied myself. I “dated” a guy which turned out to be more about putting a tourniquet around my bleeding heart than it did about “love”. It had nothing to do with love. It had everything to do with escape. Then, one sunny afternoon at a fair in the park, a gentleman standing nearby choked. Like, Heimlich Maneuver choked. And I was frozen. Instead of jumping in as I had been trained to do…as I was certified to do…a movie started playing in my head as I stood in the park. Suddenly, I was back in the ER, sitting on the stool, watching them do CPR on my husband. It went on FOR-EV-ER. I mean, I KNEW I was in the park. So why was I “seeing” this rerun?
\nThe rerun scared the crap out of me. And, I immediately associated it with a medical emergency…both my husband’s heart attack and the gentleman choking on chicken. I began to dread what might happen if there was a real emergency and I couldn’t step up to the plate. I avoided being in situations where someone could get hurt or sick or…God forbid…NEED me. I suffered wave after wave…not only of grief, but also anxiety. To the point of vomiting uncontrollably for hours. Simply put, I was a mess.
\nI went to see my doctor and asked her if she could recommend a grief counselor. And when I first talked with her, she said, “Ginny, I think you have PTSD.” She told me she wanted to do something called EMDR on me. Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. It is THE most accepted PTSD treatment. Normally, when we experience a disturbing event, our brains process it and file it away neatly in it’s appropriate folder in our memory bank and life goes on. But, when the event is associated with trauma…like watching prolonged CPR…something happens in the filing process and the memory gets stuck. It is like a video playing on a continuous loop…over and over and over. The thought becomes intrusive…meaning, unbidden. Uncontrollable. It creates fear. And it is terribly distressing.
\nAfter the first EMDR treatment, the improvement was extraordinary. It’s non-invasive and is accomplished so simply. You sit in a comfortable chair, You conjure up the image that is giving you the most trouble…no matter how painful it is. You hang onto that thought while watching the practitioner move her finger back and forth, back and forth, back and forth across your field of vision. You follow her finger with your eyes. The rapid eye movement actually reprograms your brain. It can make the memory fade. It can change it into something else. It can process it and let it go into the file with all the other memories. And it can release you from the pain of seeing it over and over and over.
\nI really did well. My anxiety level was lower. I had few, if any, real panic attacks. I still dealt with grief waves, but not the horrifying repetitious movie starring CPR. Then, about a year and a half ago, I started having episodes of anxiety again. About once a week or so, I would spend the night sick as a dog. I couldn’t keep anything down. I began to dread going places. I began to fear medical situations again. What began slowly, started cranking up more and more and with every insult to my central nervous system, it got worse. Surgery cranked it up. The episode with my aunt with dementia cranked it up. Flying cranked it up. Being away from Mr. FixIt cranked it up. I texted my grief counselor, Karen, and told her I thought I needed an EMDR tuneup so we scheduled it to coincide with my trip this week to visit my brother.
\nAs I caught up with her yesterday, I told her about Mr. FixIt and how happy we are. We talked about all the really good, positive changes that have come into my life. Then she asked what happened a year and a half ago that started the cycle again. I told her about the car accident. She asked what it was about that that triggered me and I surprised myself by bursting into tears. I sobbed and covered my face.
\n“I thought I killed her!” I cried.
\n“Who?”
\n“The young girl in the backseat! Her head was lolled over, her face was bloodied. Her mama cradled her head in her hands and begged her to wake up. The man who was driving ran at me screaming, “You killed her! She was supposed to turn 17 this week!!!””
\nI sobbed and Karen put her hand on my knee.
\n“Oh, Ginny…that had to be terrifying.” She comforted me with her soft, caring voice. “I think that’s it. I think that is what has prodded your PTSD awake.”
\nJust like grief, you don’t get “cured” of PTSD. It can raise it’s ugly head just like unexpected waves of grief can overtake you at any given moment.
\nWe did a session of EMDR. We repeated it eight times or so. With each subsequent series of back and forth movements, it felt as though someone were turning down the volume knob like a radio in my brain. The first series resulted in me feeling immediately calmer. The second made me feel like I had taken a step back and I wasn’t sitting in the driver’s seat of the truck. I was in the back seat. The third set had me standing behind the truck. The fourth set had me even further behind the truck…like zooming out on a long camera lens. I was surprised by the fifth set. I had a flash of the young girl going to prom. The implication being…she was fine and healthy. Each subsequent set of movement took me further and further into this relaxed, soft, safe place. It is remarkable something so simple can have such a huge impact.
\nI had not cried about the accident up to that point. I had not processed, or even acknowledged, the trauma of thinking I had killed someone. Of being verbally and physically challenged by the other driver. And we all know that unprocessed trauma, like unprocessed grief…festers. It does not serve us to grit our teeth and white-knuckle our way through these episodes. From now on I will be proactive and get the help I need instead of trying to handle it on my own. I can’t tell you how much better I feel. When I got home from the mountains yesterday, my son-in-law’s dad made the observation that even my voice was different…relaxed, easy, slower. There is no shame in admitting you need help to work through something. We women think we are supposed to have it all together. I told a friend the other day that I just want to be normal. She smiled and said, “Sweetie, you ARE normal. Everybody has something they have to deal with. What you want is perfection!’ Ahhhh…she knows me well.
\nNone of us are perfect. Ask for help if you need it. Don’t try to just get by with a stiff upper lip. Just “getting though it” is no way to live. ❤
\n", "date_published": "2018-07-17T01:30:47-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/07/17/mile-tuneuporhow-emdr-saves-my.html", "tags": ["Travel","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Positive Energy","Growth","New Ideas","Gratitude","Comfort","Wisdom","Fear","Courage","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/07/16/what-is-this-wet-stuff.html", "title": "What Is This Wet Stuff?", "content_html": "![\"Rain\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/f7c98b283b.jpg\")
“What is this wet stuff???”
“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.”\nRomans 15:13 ESV\nI was sitting with my friend, Terri, yesterday when I heard this loud roaring noise. At first, I thought the air conditioner had gone on the fritz. I looked out the window and saw sunshine so I knew it wasn’t rain. I looked around, puzzled. Suddenly, everyone jumped up and ran to the windows. Rain! It really was raining. And pretty darned hard, too. Since the sun was out, there was an impressive rainbow. But do you think I ran and got my camera to document the event? Oh, heck no! I might have missed the whole storm. And rain is NOT something you want to miss in this semi-arid climate.\n
Colorado is parched. The grass crackles under your feet. Miss one day watering your plants or lawn and you have nothing but pale straw colored spikes. You know it’s a dry summer when the headline on the news alert coming out of Denver is “IT’S RAINING!” The other night, my son-in-law’s dad got the call…there would be no more water in the ditch. They own shares in the irrigation ditch…along with a gazillion other people. The ditch hasn’t dried up in years. I hope what little bit of rain we received here yesterday will help ease the fire danger. These people don’t live with “IF” when it comes to fires. They live with “WHEN”. It’s scary.
\nI visited Mr. Virgo’s grave again. I cleared away the old decorations and try as I might, I couldn’t find anything to replace them. I’ll clean up the cross and put it back on his grave before I leave tomorrow. As I sat there talking to him, I told him it was time to order his headstone. I just haven’t done it. It’s the “last thing”. I thought perhaps I was being remiss in not getting this part done. But I have been assured by many others I’m not alone. I mean, I’m in a new relationship. I’m happy. Mr. Virgo would be thrilled that I am living my life. Setting that headstone is sealing the past in the past. I’m ready to do that now. As soon as I told him I was going to order his stone, the bluebirds came. They circled around and around…a dozen or more of them. I laughed and said “Ok, Ok…I see you!” When I finally pulled out of the cemetery, the bluebirds followed along beside my car all the way down the hill. It was stunning! I left feeling optimistic…and somewhat relieved. I’m ready. ❤️
\n\n", "date_published": "2018-07-16T01:30:36-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/07/16/what-is-this-wet-stuff.html", "tags": ["Family","Grief","Growth","Gratitude","Courage","Choices"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/07/09/a-line-in-the-sand.html", "title": "A Line in the Sand", "content_html": "
![\"Grave\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/29bd0ce7d6.jpg\")
“Mr. Virgo’s final resting place.”“For the righteous will never be moved; he will be remembered forever. He is not afraid of bad news; his heart is firm, trusting in the Lord.”\nPsalms 112:6-7 ESV\nWe often compartmentalize segments of our lives based on what happened in that particular time frame. One might identify the child raising years and the empty nest years. Or a marriage that ends in divorce with its resultant “before” and “after”. For me personally, I have two that are particularly significant...”The Prozac Years” and “Mr. Virgo’s Death”.\n
There is a line in the sand between the before and after of my husband’s death. Nowhere am I more aware of that line than where I am sitting as I write this. I went to the mountains yesterday to visit my brother. He’s getting older and more frail. His ankles are swollen and he’s forgetful. I showed him pictures on my iPad and he didn’t know who our grandparents were. It made me very sad and added to the knots I already had in my stomach before I got there.
\nAfter spending the afternoon with my sweet brother, I went to visit my “adoptive parents”…an elderly couple that stood in as my parents when I married Mr. Virgo. The difference in their health in the last year is not unexpected by any means, given their age. But it still hurts my heart to see them this way.
\nI spent an hour with one of the dearest friends in the world and she shared some of the struggles she is facing right now. It made my heart hurt even more. And I promised I would pray for her. I love her dearly. I love all of these wonderful people. And…I’m standing right on the line in the sand. I am a stone’s throw from the cemetery as I write this.
\nMr. Virgo’s grave is a mess. I’ll go to Walmart tomorrow and get some stuff to clean it up. I think I’ll lay landscape fabric and crushed stone to make it look clean. I can’t plant anything because it doesn’t rain enough here to make anything grow.
\nI can smell the smoke from the wildfires. Hopefully, with the little rainfall they’ve been getting, the firefighters can bring them under control soon.
\nI’m letting myself feel the feels while I’m here. When I’m in WV, there is so much distance. There are no constant “in your face” reminders. When I’m here, he’s everywhere. So…I’ll just lean back into the river and ride the current downstream. ❤
\n\n", "date_published": "2018-07-09T01:30:41-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/07/09/a-line-in-the-sand.html", "tags": ["Family","Grief","Aging"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/07/06/hotter-than-a-firecracker.html", "title": "Hotter Than a Firecracker", "content_html": "\n
![\"El](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/4960cd0f17.jpg\")
“El Jebel, Colorado burns in the night.”
“Now Mount Sinai was wrapped in smoke because the Lord had descended on it in fire. The smoke of it went up like the smoke of a kiln, and the whole mountain trembled greatly.”\nExodus 19:18 ESV\nColorado is on fire...and not in a good way. There are fires everywhere here. This picture shows the little town of El Jebel, not too far from where I worked. The building in front is the Whole Foods Grocery. It makes me so sad to see this. This particular fire started when two guys were shooting tracers at the firing range and caught the brittle, dry brush on fire. Colorado had a drastically low snowfall this year and record low rainfall this spring. It is literally a tinder box right now and anything can cause a fire that will quickly rage out of control.\n
I’ve lived through two terrible fires here. The first was the Storm King Fire. It started as a lonesome little pine tree that was struck by lightning one afternoon and smoldered for a couple of days before a dry, hot wind fanned it into flames. The resulting conflagration took the lives of 14 smokejumpers from Oregon. The other was the Coal Seam Fire that looked much like this picture. I was driving from Glenwood Springs to New Castle the day it blew up and jumped the interstate AND the Colorado River in an arc right over my car. I was the last car that came through before they closed the road. I remember standing in the street in front of my house, looking at the hillside several miles away in the middle of the night. It looked like a thousand campfires.
\nIf you live in the mountains here, you don’t wonder IF you’re going to have a fire. You wonder WHEN you are going to have a fire. My friends have been posting on Facebook about the stress of keeping a bug out bag by the door for a quick escape. I remember wondering…”What would I grab? What is the most important?” I have always kept my most important papers in a file box with a handle that I could keep near the door and grab on my way out.
\nYes, this fire was man made. As is the one in the southern part of the state that is nearing 100,000 acres. But, as a friend of mine pointed out, we have been starting fires for over 10,000 years. There is a natural cycle of forest management that includes fire. As a matter of fact, there are certain evergreen trees that will not release the seeds from their pine cones unless they are exposed to the high temperatures that a fire would produce, which goes to show me fire is part of the grander scheme of things. It is human intrusion that has placed us in the way of the inevitable.
\nI’m hanging out here in Denver for a couple more days to acclimate to the altitude before I head up into the mountains to see my brother. Please pray for rain…and for the firefighters and homeowners…we are so desperately dry here. ❤
\n\n", "date_published": "2018-07-06T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/07/06/hotter-than-a-firecracker.html", "tags": ["Colorado","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Fear"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/07/03/good-selfcare.html", "title": "Good Self-Care", "content_html": "
![\"Pedicure\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/a7c987cbb6.jpg\")
“Taking good care of yourself is vitally important when you are experiencing the added stress of grief.”
“Do not neglect the gift you have, which was given you by prophecy when the council of elders laid their hands on you. Practice these things, immerse yourself in them, so that all may see your progress. Keep a close watch on yourself and on the teaching. Persist in this, for by so doing you will save both yourself and your hearers.”\n1 Timothy 4:14-16 ESV\nWomen are the first to put our needs on the back burner in deference to those we care for. Add “widow” to that and there’s a big “Why bother?” component. Especially during the first year or two. And, honestly, that’s when you need it the most. Grief is hard enough to navigate without letting our “Why bother?” mind take over.\n
I remember the first time I got a pedicure after Mr. Virgo died. I literally cried at the touch of human hands on my feet. Something in my soul woke up a tiny, tiny bit. After that, I made it a habit to get a pedi every month and a full body massage at least every two months just to feel a human connection. It doesn’t have to cost a lot to get pampered a little. When money was tight, the simplest thing like getting my hair washed was heavenly. And it only cost $5 at the salon in Walmart.
\nOnce I started going, each subsequent visit woke me more and more and really helped me balance my loss with an awareness of my surroundings and my presence THERE, not THEN. I realized I’d been holding that moment of his death in the forefront of my mind which was like pushing instant replay on the DVR. It didn’t serve me well.
\nProbably the biggest obstacle I faced practicing good self-care was going out to a restaurant for dinner alone. I put on my bravest face and informed the hostess I would be dining alone so we could avoid that piteous “Just one?” As I sat in the booth, I ached for my husband’s presence. It was everything I could do to sit there and not run out in tears. But I was determined to start normalizing my present circumstances. I could not concentrate on the menu and just asked the waitress for a good salad with protein on top…salmon, chicken, it didn’t matter. As she left, I made myself look at the others in the restaurant. The couples laughing and conversing were totally oblivious to what the future would surely hold for one of them. I had my iPad with me as I had planned to write a post while I was there. Instead, I pulled up my favorite photo of Mr. Virgo and propped the iPad up against the bread basket. I proceeded to carry on an inner dialog with my sweetheart as I had my first dinner alone in a restaurant…”with him”.
\nSelf-care is not selfish. It is not self-indulgent. It is important for your mental and physical well-being. Don’t ignore that. ❤
\n\n", "date_published": "2018-07-03T01:30:47-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/07/03/good-selfcare.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Comfort"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/06/28/risky-behaviors.html", "title": "Risky Behaviors", "content_html": "
![\"Daisy\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/0ff9918167.jpg\")
“A lone little daisy…all on her own.”
“For the Lord gives wisdom; from his mouth come knowledge and understanding;”\nProverbs 2:6 ESV\nA friend of mine tagged me on a Facebook post yesterday. It seems there was a woman walking the Quincy Hill steps alone when she was approached by someone with nefarious intent. She said every bell and whistle was going off and she knew if she hadn’t been able to get away and outrun this guy, something bad would have happened. My friend knows how many times I have climbed those steps alone. She wanted me to know so I would be more careful.\n
I haven’t walked those steps alone for about two years now. For a number of reasons, not the least of which is my knees giving me fits from walking said steps so much. But also, my common sense seems to have returned to me after taking a few years off after losing Mr. Virgo.
\nI don’t know for sure what prompted me to put myself in risky situations when I was a new widow. Probably part of it was just being in such a fog, I couldn’t think through all the potential consequences. But a very real part of it was…I really didn’t care if I lived or died. And when the pain was brutal in the early years, I believe I would have actually welcomed death over the seemingly never ending horror grief brought down on me.
\nI think back. Would I get in a camper and travel into the wilderness and backroads of Colorado for three months now. The answer is yes, without a doubt. Would I hike three hours into the Weimenuche Wilderness with nothing but a small daypack now. No, I don’t think I would. Would I live in a camper and travel the country alone. Yes, I would…in a heartbeat. Would I stand out in the surf during the storm surge of a hurricane without a life jacket now? Oh, h*** no!!!
\nI seem to have gained some common sense back in the last year or so. I care again. I’m a bit more cautious now. Not in a fearful way, but in a careful way. In a way that says I have a lot of living left to do…I want to do that. The only real regret I have is that I tried to date WAY to soon after losing Mr. Virgo. That was an incredibly painful experience…not only for me, but for the other party as well. It wasn’t fair to do that to him.
\nThe bottom line is, we need to be gentle with ourselves when we are going through grief. The impact runs so much deeper than we can comprehend while we are in the throes of it. And, the flip side is…things do get better after a time. A new normal. ❤
\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2018-06-28T01:30:45-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/06/28/risky-behaviors.html", "tags": ["Grief","Growth","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/06/23/the-empty-nest.html", "title": "The Empty Nest", "content_html": "
![\"Empty](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/d038e4dcbb.jpg\")
“The empty nest can be painful, no matter which of you leaves first.”
“For I want you to know how great a struggle I have for you and for those at Laodicea and for all who have not seen me face to face, that their hearts may be encouraged, being knit together in love, to reach all the riches of full assurance of understanding and the knowledge of God's mystery, which is Christ, in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge. I say this in order that no one may delude you with plausible arguments. For though I am absent in body, yet I am with you in spirit, rejoicing to see your good order and the firmness of your faith in Christ.”\nColossians 2:1-5 ESV\nI got married young the first time. I was nineteen. I thought I knew everything! I was just about finished with x-ray training. Hubby #1 and I literally grew up together. Our families have known each other since long before we were born. The day after graduation, I hopped on a plane and flew to England to join him. He was stationed there in the Air Force. I had never been on a plane before. I cannot imagine what that must have been like for my mom. She still had my brother at home. He has a developmental disability and always lived at home with her, so she never did have that “empty nest”. But I know she missed me terribly and it had to have been so worrisome for her to have me so far away the very first time I left home.\n
My older daughter got married when she was twenty-one. It wasn’t too long after that when she and her new husband moved to Long Island. I thought THAT was way too far and it just about killed me. I was having trouble in my marriage. Her younger sister was only five years old. I hated having them so far away. I visited as often as I could, but it was a really hard time for both of us. We had always been very close. A half-empty nest is just as painful.
\nI’ve watched my friends go through letting their children go. When my younger daughter left home for college, it was a different story. First, I had had children at home for thirty-three years. I was in a new marriage and in a much happier space. And, she was only going to be a couple of hours away. It was an entirely different story when the nest emptied out completely.
\nBut what happens when it’s the opposite and it’s your MOM that pulls up roots and leaves? That’s what’s happening to one of my friends in my small group from church. She is young…younger than my Daughter #2. Her brother, her two sisters, her nephew, and her mom are moving several states away and she is left here. In addition to that, they are selling the only home she has ever known. Her nest is being taken away. That has to be really hard. You just never think of it happening like this. It’s usually the other way around.
\nI always made it a point to go visit my West Virginia family at least once a year. I took my kids with me so they could feel that bond of family. I never dreamed I would up and leave my Colorado family like I have. Colorado was never really the home of my heart. West Virginia is. I usually visit my family twice a year but Mr. FixIt’s surgery in December kept me here this past winter. The grandchildren have grown so much in the past year since I’ve seen them. It seems like a lifetime ago. And my girls have aged…as have I. I remember there was a stretch of time when Hubby #2 was in medical school that I didn’t see my mom for over two years. I never want to do that with my family! I can’t imagine. She had to have been so sad.
\nKeeping those family bonds alive is so important. I’ll be there in a couple of weeks and stay for three weeks. I can’t wait to see them! Do you live far from your family? Do you get to see them very often? How long do you get to visit? I’d love to hear the things you do that make your visits extra special. I am always looking for new ideas to create lasting memories! ❤
\n\n", "date_published": "2018-06-23T01:30:46-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/06/23/the-empty-nest.html", "tags": ["Family","Grief","West Virginia","Growth","Grace","Wisdom","Courage","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/06/13/this-man-knows-how-old.html", "title": "This Man KNOWS How Old I Am", "content_html": "
![\"35](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/1c1d85ffec.jpg\")
“It’s not how many years in your life…but the life in your years!”
“Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. He chose to give us birth through the word of truth, that we might be a kind of firstfruits of all he created.”\nJames 1:17-18 NIV\nSo, today is really monumental...huge...a BIG deal in anyone’s life. Today is my 65th birthday! I didn’t know how to feel about it this year. I let myself dwell on the obvious...I’m getting older. I let myself worry about the health issues I’m facing in the coming weeks. I thought about how Mr. Virgo would have SO enjoyed this accomplishment. I thought about how much I miss my Colorado family. I thought about my beautiful mom and how I called her every year on my birthday and thanked her for having me.\n
All this time, this wonderful man orbited me on a daily basis. Taking care of me. Loving me. Watching to see if there was anything I might need or any way he could support me better. For a couple of weeks, he was eclipsed by the hamster wheel of grief running in my brain. Then the wave was gone…receding into the background again. And I could see every blessing clearly.
\nYes…I’m getting older. Isn’t that wonderful??? I’m getting older and bolder and my best days are in front of me. Adventure awaits at every opportunity.
\nYes…I have some health issues to deal with in the coming weeks. Isn’t it terrific that I am blessed with great insurance that will take care of the bills so I can focus on healing and getting better after my upcoming surgery instead of worrying about how I’ll pay for it all? Blessings come in dark colored packages sometimes.
\nYes…Mr. Virgo would have loved to help me celebrate this one. Wasn’t it terrific that I got to feel such unconditional love from such a great guy?
\nYes…I miss my Colorado family. I get to see them in just a few short weeks and I can immerse myself in their sunshine and love. I am so honored to call them mine.
\nYes…I miss my mom. She knew how much I loved her because I never failed to tell her at (almost) every opportunity.
\nAnd…I am so, so grateful to have the opportunity to love again. To feel the love of a good man. A man who watches out for me and protects me and brings me so much joy.
\nMr. FixIt came home from town yesterday and I fixed us a great meal. Then he asked me to go in the other room for a while. He called to me when he was ready and I went out to the deck by the pool. He had these cupcakes with the candles lit and a lovely, sentimental card that he selected with the perfect inscription. And he gave me a beautiful rocking chair for the front porch.
\nYes…chronologically, I may be 65 years old today. But this man knows me on the inside. He KNOWS I’m only 35 on the inside. And that is my best earthly gift ever. ❤
\n\n", "date_published": "2018-06-13T01:30:45-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/06/13/this-man-knows-how-old.html", "tags": ["Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Wisdom","Aging","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/06/13/holding-back-the-waters.html", "title": "Holding Back the Waters", "content_html": "
![\"Water\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/b9ddc487eb.jpg\")
“Unprocessed grief festers. Let it go.”
“Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.”\nRomans 12:12 NIV\nI’m developing a little community over on Twitter. There are some really great people over there and I’m hearing lots of good advice and quotes about grief. One of the women I follow is Maryanne Pope who wrote A Widow’s Awakening. She lost her firefighter husband to a totally preventable work injury. Maryanne always has good things to say...tasty nuggets to chew on during the day. That’s the draw of Twitter for me. Short and sweet and to the point...time after time.\n
Yesterday, Maryanne quoted Eleanor Roosevelt. “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” Those are some mighty words there, Eleanor. I was in a relationship for two decades in which I felt inferior. It wasn’t always like that. But, as time passed, too many difficult conversations avoided had created an elephant in the room and we carefully dusted it and laid out doilies to fool everyone, including ourselves, into thinking it was something beautiful. Eventually, a systematic collapse occurred and unkindness replaced love a greater portion of the time.
\nI traded my consent for financial security. When I look back at things that were said to me that I just swallowed…I can’t believe it was me. Then again, it really wasn’t me. It was a smaller, less evolved me. A me that didn’t have Jesus fighting my battles. I’m not an innocent victim in this. I was just as unkind in my own ways. Thankfully, we have opportunities to learn from our mistakes, or the mistakes of others, and we can grow and become better people. Better at fighting, at loving, at living…at forgiving.
\nI learned after that marriage ended, I could not hold back what was coming. The loss of a marriage causes a tremendous amount of pain and grief. That situation gave me tools for my toolbox for when Mr. Virgo died. Holding back the pain of grief is much like standing in a roaring river trying to hold back the waters with my hands. It was much better to turn around, lean back, and let the current take me feet first down the river. I had far less chance of drowning once I learned to go with the flow and not avoid the inevitable pain. Remember this when you face the rough waters of life. ❤
\n\n
\n", "date_published": "2018-06-13T01:30:14-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/06/13/holding-back-the-waters.html", "tags": ["Grief","Growth","Choices"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/06/10/these-dreams.html", "title": "These Dreams", "content_html": "
![\"Moonlight](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/da7b47d3cc.jpg\")
“My dreams have returned!”
Something changed a couple of weeks ago. I started dreaming again. Oh, I’m sure I’ve been dreaming. We do every night. But when I lost Mr. Virgo, I lost my dreams. I couldn’t remember them at all. And suddenly, I’ve started remembering them. Their complexity is increasing. I’m recalling more detail. I even see some color creeping back in at the edges.
\nThis is a huge deal. Not remembering my dreams made me feel dead inside. Like a still body of water with no oxygen. Stagnant. I’m still not back to those epic, Academy Award worthy, epic dreams, but this is a far cry better than what I have been experiencing for over five years now.
\nOn the other side of that, the only real dreams I remembered since Mr. Virgo died were the ones with him in them. Those have been nice. I still may dream of him from time to time. I don’t know. Something feels different in this.
\nOver the five years I’ve been on this path, there have been points…benchmarks…where I feel something changes. Like walking up stairs out of a dark, dank basement. Each step brings me closer to the light…to the fresh air…to the sunshine. I have long stretches now of light. Sometimes I take a step or two back down. Rarely, it’s more like four or five. That’s where I was two or three weeks ago. I couldn’t figure out what was bringing me down. Then I realized…there doesn’t HAVE to be a reason. That’s how grief works. Maybe it was the way the light was shining through the window. Maybe it was my upcoming 65th birthday and Medicare. Maybe it was worrying about this breast biopsy and realizing dealing with health issues may become more common in the coming years. Maybe it is the decline in the health of those I love. I don’t know.
\nWhatever the reason, my dreams are back and I’m relieved. Silly, nonsensical, memorable dreams. Being on this side of the wave always leaves me feeling more grateful. ❤️
\n““We both had dreams,” they answered, “but there is no one to interpret them.” Then Joseph said to them, “Do not interpretations belong to God? Tell me your dreams.””\nGenesis 40:8 NIV
\n", "date_published": "2018-06-10T01:30:17-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/06/10/these-dreams.html", "tags": ["Grief","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/06/06/here-she-comes.html", "title": "Here She Comes", "content_html": "![\"Here](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/18c5133a6e.jpg\")
“Coming or going…it’s a matter of perspective.”
A friend of ours from high school is laying his wife to rest today. She struggled for quite some time with COPD. There were many times we thought we were going to lose her. She went in the hospital for the last time five long months ago. In and out of ICU. Ups and downs…crisis after crisis…this family held on to every hope that their mom would come home. That his wife of 38 years would again sit by his side. A couple of weeks ago there was a picture on Facebook…she was sitting up. She was eating dinner. She was hugging her kids and grandkids. She was smiling into the camera. Thinner…but recognizable. Tired…but hopeful. She had rallied and again, the hope was raised. But, alas…it wasn’t to be. The last crisis came and she was just worn out. It was too much for her tired body and she went to her heavenly home.
\nWe went to the funeral home yesterday to pay our respects. I hugged our friend close. I told him I knew he was heartbroken. I told him I knew she was just worn out. He knows I’ve walked this path. He knows he can reach out to me if he needs a shoulder…someone who knows.
\nIn the meantime, I’ll write this…these things I wish I’d known. These things I wish someone had told me. These things I have learned. Perhaps he will read them one of these days in the dark of night when he is feeling that deep pain and know…he’s not alone.
\nTo my dear friend…
\nI want you to know how sorry I am for your loss. You will hear that a lot. You will also hear a lot of other things. You will wonder how on earth people can say things like “She’s in a better place.” or “At least she isn’t suffering.” or “I know what you are going through. My dog died last year.” You don’t need people to tell you such things, but they will. Please remember, they mean well. They haven’t walked this path. They don’t really know. Smile and say thank you and let it go. They don’t mean to cause you pain.
\nSome people won’t say anything at all and that will hurt even more. It’s not because they don’t care. It’s because they don’t know what to say. They don’t want to hurt you and say the wrong thing…so they say nothing. Try not to take it personally.
\nSome people who have been your friend forever will disappear. This is the nature of this process. Some people cannot tolerate grief and pain. It hits too close to home for them. Let them go. Wish them well in your heart and turn to those who ARE there for you.
\nTake your time. Don’t make rash decisions. You are likely having difficulty remembering things. You can’t keep track of time or the sequence of events. You can’t remember who called or who was at the funeral or what you did with those important papers you had just yesterday. Let your loved ones help you. Ask for help when you need it. Keep a notebook with you…in your pocket. Write down who you called and when. Write down the name and number of that person who said “Call me anytime.” Then call…anytime. But rotate your list so you aren’t relying on the same people over and over and over.
\nTake care of yourself. Try to eat right. Try to get rest. Try to exercise. It’s ok to “mattress surf” once in a while and spend the day in bed with a magazine…but never two in a row. Get up, shower, brush your teeth, and make your bed. You are far less likely to crawl back in if you make it right away. Clean your kitchen sink. It’s amazing what a clean sink can do as far as leading to the next thing. Avoid consuming alcohol or drugs. These might make you feel a little better in the moment, but it will only mask your pain. I don’t suggest jumping into another relationship too fast, either. Give yourself some time.
\nUnprocessed grief will fester. Let it out. Talk to a trusted friend or family member, clergy person, or a grief therapist. Keeping a journal helps you sort out your feelings.
\nGrief changes you. You will never be the same person as you were before you lost your wife. But that does not mean there is no hope. There is so much to be hopeful for. Right now all the days are dark and you think you will never feel joy again, but you will, my friend. There will come a time when you think of her and smile instead of feeling that stabbing pain in your heart. There will come a day when you don’t cry. Color will come back into your life. It takes time.
\nYou aren’t alone. You aren’t crazy. You are grieving. It’s normal. Just feel your feelings. I know guys don’t express their feelings like us gals do, but try to let it out. You’ll feel better.
\nThis is a scary, lonely time. You may even feel some sense of relief that it’s over and on the heels of that thought may come guilt and shame. Don’t do that to yourself. You have been traumatized. You have watched things that most of us cannot even imagine. Be gentle with yourself.
\nPray. Draw closer to God. Let Him carry your burdens when they are too heavy. Trust me…things will get better. They will get worse before they get better. Grief comes in waves. You’ll be doing better then the waves will catch you. They threaten to drown you but soon you will learn to anticipate them. You will learn to lean into them and know the seas are calmer on the other side.
\nIn the picture above…is the sailboat coming, or going? It is a matter of perspective. We see it going, but Jesus says, “Here she comes.” Trust that. And know…you are loved. ❤
\n“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”\nPsalm 34:18 NIV
\n(Inspired by the poem “Gone From My Sight” by Henry Van Dyke.)
\n", "date_published": "2018-06-06T01:30:11-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/06/06/here-she-comes.html", "tags": ["Grief","Hope","Grace","God"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/06/05/visiting-towwanda.html", "title": "Visiting TOW-Wanda", "content_html": "![\"iPad](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/c0d72492e1.jpg\")
“Visiting TOW-Wanda!”
I don’t get to spend as much time camping as I used to and I don’t like it. But, there are things that need to be done…mowing, keeping house, cooking, cleaning. Such is the life of “sticks & bricks.” I am very fortunate that Mr. FixIt lives on five acres and I can keep TOW-Wanda here with me. When we came back from camping last time, we parked beside the building/shop/garage and plugged in. I wanted to be able to clean and run the sweeper so I needed electric.
\nUnfortunately, the electric in the building is not enough to power both the AC in TOW-Wanda and the pump for the pool, so the pool wins. That means I can’t go out and just hang out there in the camper unless it’s cool enough. Even the nights can be terrible hot and stuffy. The last couple of nights have been really cool. Last night was predicted to get down to fifty-six. So, I took my iPad and my phone and my little lap desk and went out for some me time to write my post.
\nI’ve been looking back at my adventures in this camper. It’s hard to believe I bought TOW-Wanda almost four years ago! I had Little TOW-Wanda for a year-and-a-half before that. When I think of what I did so soon after losing Mr. Virgo…buying a camper and taking off for three months in the wilderness and backroads of Colorado…I sometimes wonder how on earth I did that. And, would I…could I…do that again. I don’t know. I suppose the answer is yes, but I was in the throes of grief when I did that. I wonder if that might have clouded my judgement a little. It didn’t seem so at the time but hindsight says it was a very brave thing to do.
\nI’m certainly not sorry I went on such a quest. I learned a lot about myself during that trip, and the subsequent two years spent largely in this travel trailer going everywhere from South Dakota to South Carolina and all points in between. It was healing and liberating. I met so many wonderful people. I saw so many beautiful places. It was quite the adventure and gave me a lot of space to heal on this grief path.
\nI was thinking of pulling the camper with me to Colorado this summer, but with the price of gas so high and my MPG so low when I’m towing, it isn’t cost effective. Besides, it takes me three days each way when I tow the camper there and that’s six days I don’t have this time. I’ll just get a cheap flight and rent a car when I get there this year. It seems to be working out that I take the camper every other year to Colorado. That might work out for the best.
\nIn the meantime, I will get out here as often as I can to spend some time “faux camping” at the Ponderosa. I hope we can get out a few times this summer and enjoy the great outdoors. There are a lot of wonderful state parks in West Virginia. You can rest assured, where I go…you “go”. Virtual travel can still be fun!
\n❤️
\n“You make known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.”\nPsalm 16:11 NIV
\n", "date_published": "2018-06-05T01:30:17-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/06/05/visiting-towwanda.html", "tags": ["Travel","Grief","TOW-Wanda!","Camping","The Grand Adventure","Gratitude","goRVing"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/06/04/grace.html", "title": "Grace", "content_html": "![\"Scripture](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/0a1f724609.jpg\")
“Live a life worthy of the calling you have been given.” Ephesians 4:1
My daughters hit the jackpot when they chose their mates. Both well suited for their personalities and life goals. I remember when Daughter #1 was dating her husband twenty-some years ago. He and I ran to the store one day and there was a couple walking ahead of us. They wore black leather and had multiple tattoos and piercings. Their hair was spiked all over. I slipped my hand through my future son-in-law’s arm and said, “Ahhhhh, there but for the grace of God. I’m so happy she chose you.” Then, Daughter #2 became the one with multiple tattoos and weird color hair. I looked down at the “strange” people and my beautiful daughter, who has always danced to her own music, chose a highly unconventional lifestyle. That, my dears, is Karma.
\nOur guest Pastor yesterday spoke about Grace. Grace is the opposite of Karma. Karma is…you get what you deserve. “What goes around, comes around.” God’s Grace is…”I will look past your flaws and love you AND I will not give you what you truly deserve.” It was an inspiring sermon.
\nI woke up late yesterday and the thought went through my mind to just skip church. Just turn over and go back to sleep. Have a lazy day. Fix a nice breakfast. Then I read a tweet from a gal I follow. She always has a Morning Munch and Night Owl Nugget…a scripture with a comment. Short and sweet. Yesterday’s tweet was the scripture above. It didn’t shame me. It motivated me. We are called to do great things. We should live a life that is worthy of that calling. I know I feel better when I’ve gone to church. I feel that sense of community. And I always hear exactly what I need to hear in the present moment. Here’s how I know the Holy Spirit speaks to me. Because, the guest speaker spoke on Grace. When he got to the end of his sermon…he spoke these exact words. “Live a life worthy of the calling you have been given.”
\nChills.
\nI love when that happens. When I know exactly when God speaks to me. I’ve been struggling a little the last couple of weeks. I know it’s a grief wave. And, I know it is exacerbated by the fact that I got my Medicare card and my 65th birthday is right around the corner. I’ve also had a few medical things going on that we’re checking out. Nothing serious, I don’t think. But some tests that I’m not looking forward to. It’s life. These things happen. But grief has changed my coping skills. Some are better. Some are worse. Knowing that God was teaching me, in that moment, to live a life that is worthy, not only of the calling I’ve been given, but of the GRACE I’ve been granted.
\nSome of you write the most lovely comments here. You say things like “You have a way with words.” And, “It’s like you’re in my head. You say what I am thinking and can’t articulate.” I am here to tell you…that is the Grace of God. I am not that talented of a writer. I came so very close to flunking senior English in high school. God has graced me with the words He wants me to say. Everything I have, everything I do…everything I AM is because of the Grace of God. I am alive today because of the Grace of God. I have a beautiful family because of the Grace of God. I found love after loss because of the Grace of God.
\n“There, but for the Grace of God, go I.” I never want to forget that. ❤
\n“…live a life worthy of the calling you have received.”\nEphesians 4:1 NIV
\n", "date_published": "2018-06-04T01:30:19-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/06/04/grace.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","God"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/06/02/bambi.html", "title": "Bambi!", "content_html": "![\"Doe](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/cc08ad24c4.jpg\")
“Doe and fawn on the front lawn.”
The quality of this picture is very poor. It was dusk. I was shooting through a window in a dark room. And these two had almost made it to the end of the yard where they ducked into the cover of the trees and bushes. There is a small creek running just on the other side of them so I imagine they were heading for a drink. The only thing that worried us is up above them beyond those trees is a fairly busy highway. I always say a prayer when I see them go up that bank. I’d hate to hear or see one of these beautiful creatures get hit. The cars race by on that road.
\nMr. FixIt has lived here for decades and said he had never seen such a tiny baby up walking around. We were sitting in the dining room playing cards after dinner when we spotted them. At the same time, we kept hearing a soft “whump-whump-whump” sound coming from the fireplace followed by high pitched chirping. It confirmed what we noticed the other night at dusk when we were out at the pool. There are swallows nesting in the chimney. We could see them at dusk diving down into the top of the chimney. I don’t know why there isn’t a screen over it. We also noticed as we walked into the dining room where the fireplace is, there was a smell of something burnt. They are stirring up the soot and ash inside the chimney. We have the glass doors and the flue closed so they don’t make a mess in the house but this is just one more thing we have to address once the babies fledge.
\nDownsizing here isn’t going to be as quick and frantic as it was when I sold my house in Colorado. It’s Mr. FixIt’s stuff. I can’t just come in with a dumpster and throw things away. That’s not how it works…no matter how much I would like to do just that. If we even go through two or three drawers or boxes or a closet every day, we will be making great progress and things will be less of a burden for him…and for me. After downsizing so much myself, my tolerance for clutter and unnecessary ephemera is much, much lower than it used to be. This is something that all of my husbands would have loved. My piles and collections and “stuff” was a bone of contention with each man who ever shared my space.
\nMy friend Deneene is preparing for a huge estate sale as she downsizes and moves south to be with her sweetheart. She is a widow and this house is where she raised her three children. It is a huge home and you know as well as I do…things accumulate. She is doing something I did when I downsized. There were things that had personal meaning for me and papers that I didn’t want to lose track of. I made a file called “Memories” and took pictures of everything I needed to remember…the items I loved but really couldn’t keep as well as papers that could possibly get lost or destroyed. She’s doing a great job. It brings back such memories for me…those long days and nights of purging and packing and moving. She is so blessed to have a buyer…the first one who looked! Selling my house was a nightmare. I’m happy that things are going so smoothly for her so far and pray they continue to do so.
\nChange. It’s one of the things you can count on…like death, and taxes. And, it’s difficult for some…easy for others. Either way…it’s gonna come. ❤
\n“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens:”\nEcclesiastes 3:1 NIV
\n\n", "date_published": "2018-06-02T01:30:49-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/06/02/bambi.html", "tags": ["Grief","Gratitude","Grace","Downsizing","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/05/30/tread-lightly.html", "title": "Tread Lightly", "content_html": "
![\"Bison](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/547d40107a.jpg\")
“Bison in front of the Grand Tetons, Yellowstone National Park”
Oh, those Facebook memories. They used to slay me. I’d finally be feeling halfway like myself, to the point where I didn’t cry every d*** day, when one of those pages from the past would show up and rip my heart wide open again. I am pleased to say, it’s been a while since I’ve had that kind of reaction to something as unbidden as photos from a favorite vacation.
\nYesterday, just such a memory popped up. Mr. Virgo loved going to Yellowstone National Park and seeing the Grand Tetons. We went two or three times in the seven-and-a-half years we were together. He was quite the photographer and I am so happy I have so many of his beautiful photos. This was taken on our last vacation together. We did a float trip down the Snake River that year. We spent a week exploring. We saw grizzlies, eagles, bison, deer, elk, owls, coyotes, antelope…it was amazing.
\nYesterday was a good day. Mr. FixIt and I worked hard…it was mowing day. We have lots of rain forecast in the next few days so we needed to get that done. It was hot, but we stayed in the AC during the worst of it in the afternoon and headed back out just as the sun started to head over the wooded ridge beyond the far field. When we were done, we enjoyed a refreshing couple of hours in the pool. When I settled in to write my post, this photo showed up. The more time that passes since Mr. Virgo’s death, the wider the chasm between then and now becomes.
\nGrief is so weird. Sometimes things that you THINK would upset you are nothing. Other times, the smallest thing can trip you up and send you down the tubes. This was a good day. This was a good memory, a good vacation. This was a good marriage, a good man, a good friend, a good life. And yesterday was a good day, a good memory, with a good man, a good friend, and a good life. The difference is time and perspective. It’s a new life. A different life. A good life. A fun life.
\nYes…grief is weird. ❤
\n“The Lord makes firm the steps of the one who delights in him; though he may stumble, he will not fall, for the Lord upholds him with his hand.”\nPsalm 37:23-24 NIV
\n\n", "date_published": "2018-05-30T01:30:40-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/05/30/tread-lightly.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Grief","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Courage","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/05/29/walking-strong.html", "title": "Walking Strong", "content_html": "
![\"Scripture\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/c6cd8f8a56.jpg\")
“Remember, you have supernatural weapons to fight off evil.”
I woke up in the early hours of the morning, that old familiar churning in the pit of my stomach. Feeling stretched too thin. Since Mr. Virgo died, I have struggled with grief and anxiety periodically. I’ll go long stretches and feel great. Nothing fazes me. Then, when I get over extended with too many obligations, or I get confronted with a memory or event that stirs my grief, I lose my focus.
\nWhen I focus on God and put all my trust in Him, I do much better. When I lose that focus, I give Satan wiggle room to weasel his way into my thoughts. It would be different if this only happened once or twice in my life, but this happens over and over and over. Granted, farther apart than it used to but I want it gone for good.
\nWhen I ask God to carry my burdens, he gladly does. I just forget to ask sometimes. That independent woman who thinks I ought to be able to buck up and take care of business gets in my way. I’m finally learning, when these moments occur, I need a good solid dose of Vitamin Jesus. His prescription pad is the Bible. When I turn to His Word for sustenance my anxiety eases. That knot in the pit of my stomach lets go.
\nI was in small group from church a couple weeks ago. A strong woman I’ve met a few times was sitting to my right. She told a story about these people who came to her house for a visit. She is a widow and these people brought doom and gloom to her door. They were talking about illness and death and dying and this person was sick and that person died. (I don’t know if it’s a West Virginia thing or a Southern thing or if we get to a certain age, illness and death seem to be the main focus of any conversation.) Well, my new friend was having nothing of it. She said the visit was brief. She walked her guests to the door and once they left, she stood there…waving her arms in the air, pushing all that negative energy right out the door on the heels of those who brought it. She said, out loud, “You aren’t welcome here, Satan. Take your bad energy and thoughts and get right out of my house!” It was a lesson for me…an eye-opening experience.
\nSo, yesterday morning, when I awoke with that old familiar feeling in the pit of my stomach, instead of feeling sick all day and ruining the poolside BBQ we had planned, I turned to God’s Word for a little dose of Doctor J. I’m doing a 14 day bible study plan with the gals from my small group. It’s based on the work of Joyce Meyer. 2 Corinthians 10:4 was the verse she was discussing yesterday morning.
\nWe forget to take up our weapons sometimes. We forget these are not the slings and arrows of this world. These weapons have Divine Power. They hold the same Divine Power Jesus used to heal the sick and raise the dead and calm the seas. The very same power. God gave them to us. He sent his Holy Spirit to deliver them the day we gave our lives to follow Christ. These Powers are ours to use to defeat the enemy at every turn. We just have to remember they are there, believe in their strength, and pick them up.
\nI love those moments when I turn to God and say, “Help! I’m drowning over here! I can’t do this.” I turn to His Word and he gives me this scripture. I was laying curled up in my bed, sure I was going to have to cancel the day’s fun activities when this started. Within a few moments, I flung the enemy and his stinkin’ thoughts right out the window. I mean, I sat up, physically brushed all that negative crap off of me and went all Pentecostal and said…out loud…”Be gone! Get out of here. You are not welcome in my home and in my life!” Within 10 minutes or so, I felt 100% better. The knot in my stomach was gone. The feeling of dread vanished. The nausea ceased. And I felt like a new person.
\nWhen they say there is power in the name of Jesus, they really aren’t kidding. Demons flee at the sound of His Name. Don’t forget to use that power when you need it. And…walk STRONG! ❤
\n“The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds.”\n2 Corinthians 10:4 NIV
\n", "date_published": "2018-05-29T01:30:48-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/05/29/walking-strong.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Gratitude","Grace","God"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/05/27/on-the-other-side-of.html", "title": "On the Other Side of Midlife", "content_html": "![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/7df794de0f.jpg\")
“Spending the weekend at home by the pool. Then visited more family at a local cemetery.”
A friend sent me a link yesterday to an article written by Brené Brown. She discusses the truth of what is commonly referred to as a midlife crisis. Her preferred terminology is “midlife unraveling”…a term I can totally relate to. Her premise is, while there are many tactics one can take when facing the existential questions like “Is this all there is?”, her approach was a head-on collision with the universe. And, as is always the case, the universe won and brought her to her knees.
\nI distinctly remember the moment I first had an inkling something was amiss. I went through a divorce young and I did really well raising my older daughter. I put my second husband through medical school, residency, and setting up a practice. I worked hard, stayed engaged, and did my Earth Mother thing. I created unique job positions for myself, I wrote a children’s book, I co-authored a book for the National Institutes of Health, I invented a piece of x-ray equipment to x-ray disabled patients while seated in a wheelchair, I illustrated an exercise book. I kept my daughter busy with scouts and bikes and the like so her step-father could have a quiet house to study in. I was busy. Then, several things happened that brought my world to a dizzying tailspin.
\nWhen my husband started his practice, I stopped working outside of the home. Hindsight being 20/20, that probably wasn’t the best choice for me. While I continued to stay busy being a full time mom, my daughter was in junior high and she really didn’t need me during the days. I filled my time volunteering for the hospital auxiliary. I took hospice training. I lunged horses and mucked stalls in exchange for riding lessons for my daughter and me. I was a DJ for the local public radio station. I baked competitively and grew a huge garden. I entered the county fairs. And I was becoming lost..first to myself, then to my family.
\nI clearly hung my identity on a hook by the front door and became Mrs. Dr. So-and-So. I felt insecure. My husband was surrounded by intelligent women all day, every day. I was easily threatened by the medical staff he worked with so closely. In an attempt to refocus my life, and fulfill our desire to expand our family before it got too late, we decided to have another child, which was a distinct blessing, don’t get me wrong. The problem was, with every passing day, I was losing more of myself. And now, the physical toll of having a baby later in life threw me into a vicious cycle of yo-yo dieting and exhaustion.
\nI was distinctly unhealthy…mentally and physically. And finally, like Brené, I dared the universe to make me face the changes that were coming and she was far more up for the challenge than I was. I unraveled…hard and fast. It took a lot of hard work and therapy for me to put myself back together again. But eventually I found myself. I began to love who I was. Brené says, loving yourself is the most challenging thing you will ever have to do. And once you start that task, you continue to work it till the day you die. I beg to differ with her. Losing Mr. Virgo was decidedly the most challenging thing I have ever faced in my life.
\nAs my grief has eased, I find myself sometimes disengaging from the conversation. “Grief talk” isn’t always at the forefront of my mind. Megan Devine from refugeingrief.com has a “Do This, Don’t Do That” chart that helps people support others who are grieving. I was appalled when I found I do far too many of the Don’t Do Thats…even here on my blog. I know for a fact I have hurt people’s feelings when I haven’t stayed present and remembered there are grievers out there I am writing for. If I ever have hurt you, I am profoundly sorry.
\nMy mission here has evolved. It started out as a way to navigate my grief, and help others know they aren’t alone. It morphed into travel, faith, crafts, life lessons, and new love. Sometimes it reads like a sermon. Sometimes a novel. Sometimes it’s not much different than reading any other typical Facebook post from one of your friends, and that might get boring. But sometimes, hopefully often, I bring a message you need to hear. Something that helps you and makes you think. Something that cheers you and gives you hope. Something that helps you see my vulnerability and how we really aren’t very different. Something that stirs your heart. Something that brings you closer to God’s Word.
\nI am truly grateful to be on the far side of that existential midlife unraveling. I’m happy to have survived fairly intact. I am also grateful that, after five years on this grief journey, my heart has healed a great deal. I am forever changed by both of these monumental life events. I love myself a lot more…partially due to aging, partially due to the increased compassion grief brings. We are all works in progress, clear to our dying day. I’m glad I don’t try to push “feeling things” onto the back burner anymore. I face things head on, because God has my back. He is with me every step of the way. I still pray every time I write and ask Him to bring the right words and the people who need to hear them. ❤
\n“Therefore, rid yourselves of all malice and all deceit, hypocrisy, envy, and slander of every kind. Like newborn babies, crave pure spiritual milk, so that by it you may grow up in your salvation, now that you have tasted that the Lord is good. As you come to him, the living Stone—rejected by humans but chosen by God and precious to him— you also, like living stones, are being built into a spiritual house to be a holy priesthood, offering spiritual sacrifices acceptable to God through Jesus Christ.”\n1 Peter 2:1-5 NIV
\n", "date_published": "2018-05-27T01:30:41-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/05/27/on-the-other-side-of.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","West Virginia","Growth","Presence","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/05/26/memorial-day-weekend.html", "title": "Memorial Day Weekend", "content_html": "![\"Cemetery](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/a6c41170e9.jpg\")
\nMy mom is buried on the far end there. She has purple flowers. Purple was her favorite color. Just ask anyone who knew her. It went so well with her perfectly white hair. Her headstone has my brother’s name engraved beside hers. The next headstone is my Uncle Bob’s. He lived at home all his life. He had a bad stutter and the kids at school made fun of him so Grandma kept him home to work the farm. He was strong as an ox and had the gentle heart of a lamb. His job every week was to ring the church bell to gather the worshipers at the little white church house on the hill. His headstone is engraved with “Mgr. of the Bell”. He was an angel unawares.
\nGrandma then Pop-Pop come next. Then Uncle Sonny who was killed in a plane crash in Germany in 1955. He was an Air Force Pilot. He was the light of everyone’s life and the light dimmed greatly for this family when he left us. Even though I don’t remember him, the stories I’ve heard all my life make me feel like I knew him.
\nTucked between the two far headstones is a small tuft of Mr. Virgo’s silver hair that I buried when I moved here. Even though he is buried overlooking the house we shared in Colorado, I wanted a piece of him here in the family cemetery where I could visit him. One of my friends lives just a stone’s throw from Mr. Virgo’s final resting place overlooking the golf course we used to play. I texted her yesterday and asked her, yet again, if she could leave a handful of wildflowers on his grave for me this weekend. I know he will get his flag, but I wanted him to have flowers, too. Jeanne told me that even though she never met him when he was living, she feels a kinship with him. She speaks to him every day when she walks through the graves on her way to the hiking trail in the hills beyond. She is always happy to lay a lilac or a peony with a whispered hello from me. She told me she found a glow in the dark golf ball and set it on her kitchen sink. She’s going to take that along as well. He’ll love that!
\nHere’s a salute to all the men and women who gave of themselves to serve our country. Here’s to those who soldiered on at home while their loved ones were gone. And here’s to the Gold Star parents whose child gave their all, most often on foreign soil, far removed from any comfort they may have provided. That loss weighed so heavy on my grandma. She always pictured that maybe, if she were there, she could have at least been there in his final moments, even though he was killed instantly. A mother thinks these things.
\nAs you celebrate the first grand weekend of summer…please, remember. ??❤??
\n“Though an army besiege me, my heart will not fear; though war break out against me, even then I will be confident. One thing I ask from the Lord, this only do I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze on the beauty of the Lord and to seek him in his temple. For in the day of trouble he will keep me safe in his dwelling; he will hide me in the shelter of his sacred tent and set me high upon a rock.”\nPsalm 27:3-5 NIV
\n", "date_published": "2018-05-26T01:30:32-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/05/26/memorial-day-weekend.html", "tags": ["Family","Grief","Prayer","West Virginia","Love","Holiday","Wisdom"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/05/25/things-that-make-me-go.html", "title": "Things That Make Me Go Ahhhhhhh", "content_html": "![\"Country](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/a16a8a72cb.jpg\")
“There’s nothing like a freshly mown lawn!”
After getting through the initial stage of acute grief, I soon discovered there were two things that eased my broken heart. One was camping with the Girl Campers and sisters on the Fly. The other was working outdoors.. Oh, when I first sold my house, I was absolutely convinced I would never mow another lawn, but that is certainly NOT the case! This farm house has about the same amount of back yard as you see here in the front. And there isn’t a
\n![\"Rain](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/7598f7bf03.jpg\")
“Rain gauge reads 4.25 inches!”
riding mower here like there is at Mr. FixIt’s five acres. It was hovering around eighty degrees yesterday when we headed to the farm. I knew it was going to really need mowing. It’s been nine days since it was mowed last. In those nine days, it rained 4.25 inches. That grass was high…and wet! We took turns mowing and cooling off. It went a lot faster with two of us. Between laundry and the mowing, we were still there over four hours.
\n![\"Rhododendron\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/099c244627.jpg\")
“Rhododendron”
![\"Peonies\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/7d4a899d43.jpg\")
“My favorite…peonies!”
When we were finished at the farm, we took the weed eater to the cemetery and cleaned up the graves and decorated them for Memorial Day. They looked so nice when we were done. We brought the weed eater back to the farm and I went for a walk about to take pictures for you. I almost missed the rhododendron this year. They only last a few days and they are just a bit past their prime but still lovely. The ferns are vibrant green, carpeting the forest floor and hillsides. The peonies were Grandma’s pride and joy. I remember her walking me around the yard and cupping each delicate flower in her well-worn hands and smiling. She knew they were gifts from God, each and every one. She never had bird feeders when she lived here. I think she would have loved them. Mr. FixIt filled them for me. We fed the farm cats and I called them in. Boy Cat came on a run to see me. That always makes me smile.
\n![\"Peonies](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/cf20154272.jpg\")
“Grandma’s peonies.”
![\"Fern\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/8c60c8f009.jpg\")
“Fern”
When we got back to the Ponderosa, I hopped on the riding mower and finished the last half of the lawn while Mr. FixIt made supper. We had a water main break a mile or so down the road yesterday morning so we are on a boil advisory. I told Mr. FixIt it would be a cold day in you know where before I would ever drink that water…it was muddy and boiling doesn’t fix that. That’s what we have bottled water for.
\n![\"Clematis\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/ad9d2d8f2c.jpg\")
“Clematis”
These are the days that warm my heart and heal it even more. These are the days I long for in the depths of January. These days are treasures and I cherish them. I am so deeply grateful for every gift God has given me. ❤
\n\n
\n
“Heal me, Lord, and I will be healed; save me and I will be saved, for you are the one I praise.”\nJeremiah 17:14 NIV
\n\n", "date_published": "2018-05-25T01:30:25-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/05/25/things-that-make-me-go.html", "tags": ["Grief","Positive Energy","West Virginia","The Farm","Growth","Gratitude"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/05/21/campfire-and-conversation.html", "title": "Campfire and Conversation", "content_html": "
![\"Woodpecker](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/66ea230d11.jpg\")
“A pileated woodpecker has decimated this tall pine tree at the edge of the campground.”
This trip has been such a blessing to me. Laughter is the best medicine and there has been so much joy shared between us as we sit and work with our hands. We have shared stories and learned more about each other. We have loved on our furry friends, including a little stray black cat who showed up Friday night. We think someone must have dumped him along the road because he is so friendly. He’s the camp cat for now and will more than likely go home with the camphost as her husband has taken a shine to him.
\n![\"Alpaca](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/e290c18b2b.jpg\")
“The hat I knitted from the yarn Gail spun from Alpaca and wool.”
I’ve become very close friends with our camphost, Gail. She is a woman of strong faith. She reminds me of the woman in Proverbs 31. She’s the kind of woman you want to learn from and emulate. She is kind, courageous, fair, fun, and family oriented. And talented? OMGosh! She can do anything. I just love her to the moon and back. Her husband took Mr. FixIt fishing last night and he had a blast. They only caught one fish between them, but they had good fellowship and got to know each other better.
\n![\"Girl](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/a6b41c1c3b.jpg\")
“Mr. FixIt enjoys his morning coffee in one of the Girl Camper mugs.”
This is one of the things I love about Mr. FixIt. He has friends outside of our relationship. I loved Mr. Virgo…you know that. And, he had no real friendships other than me. He had friends he worked with, but he never did anything without me. I was telling the girls around the campfire the other night…I never would have been a Girl Camper or a Sister on the Fly if Mr. Virgo were still living. It’s just not something I would have done…even though it was something I would have enjoyed. This is the difference in the woman I have become since losing him. I am far more independent. And, I am more assertive…something Mr. FixIt deeply appreciates in me.
\n![\"Three](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/1bd8e4696e.jpg\")
“Campfire and Corgis”
Loss changed me. It was terribly difficult. It tore me apart and dropped me in pieces on the ground. When it came time to rebuild, I put myself back together in a way that suited this new life…this new me. I love this me that I am today. While I hate what happened to get me here, I am grateful for this new life and all the new people that have been brought into it.
\nYes, this trip is just what the doctor ordered. Food, fun, and frolic…Girl Camper style! ❤️
\n“A good woman is hard to find, and worth far more than diamonds. Her husband trusts her without reserve, and never has reason to regret it. Never spiteful, she treats him generously all her life long. She shops around for the best yarns and cottons, and enjoys knitting and sewing. She’s like a trading ship that sails to faraway places and brings back exotic surprises. She’s up before dawn, preparing breakfast for her family and organizing her day. She looks over a field and buys it, then, with money she’s put aside, plants a garden. First thing in the morning, she dresses for work, rolls up her sleeves, eager to get started. She senses the worth of her work, is in no hurry to call it quits for the day. She’s skilled in the crafts of home and hearth, diligent in homemaking. She’s quick to assist anyone in need, reaches out to help the poor. She doesn’t worry about her family when it snows; their winter clothes are all mended and ready to wear. She makes her own clothing, and dresses in colorful linens and silks. Her husband is greatly respected when he deliberates with the city fathers. She designs gowns and sells them, brings the sweaters she knits to the dress shops. Her clothes are well-made and elegant, and she always faces tomorrow with a smile. When she speaks she has something worthwhile to say, and she always says it kindly. She keeps an eye on everyone in her household, and keeps them all busy and productive. Her children respect and bless her; her husband joins in with words of praise: “Many women have done wonderful things, but you’ve outclassed them all!” Charm can mislead and beauty soon fades. The woman to be admired and praised is the woman who lives in the Fear-of- GOD. Give her everything she deserves! Festoon her life with praises!”\nProverbs 31:10-31 MSG
\n\n", "date_published": "2018-05-21T01:30:18-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/05/21/campfire-and-conversation.html", "tags": ["Travel","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Strong Women","TOW-Wanda!","Camping","Fun","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Peace","Wisdom","Presence","Girl Camper","Girl Campers"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/05/16/im-walkin-on-sunshine.html", "title": "I’m Walkin’ on Sunshine", "content_html": "
![\"Coffee](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/3dde8e3c8d.jpg\")
“Sitting in the morning sun, coffee in hand, Country Living Magazine…birds and roosters entertaining me. It’s a beautiful life!”
One of summer’s delights in the east…a warm morning spent outside reading and sipping my morning coffee. We’ve hit the summer thunderboomer circuit early this year here in West Virginia. The skies are brilliantly clear in the morning. The humidity is high from the rain the afternoon before. The temperature soars by noon and the thunderclouds begin to build till they boil over. Thunder, lightning, hail, high winds all can play havoc with your plans.
\nMowing seems to be the big thing around here in the summer. I have to say, I did not miss lawn care and home maintenance in the years I traveled and lived in TOW-Wanda. It was a welcome break. But now that I have the chance to dive into the great outdoors and get dirty and sweaty, I have to admit, it beats going to a gym any day of the week.
\nI mowed with the self-propelled push mower at the farm yesterday. What a workout! The yard is well over an acre, the temperature in the high eighties, the humidity sticky and thick. With my propensity towards heat exhaustion, I only mowed 15-20 minutes at a time, then took a break to rehydrate and lay in front of the fan. At that rate, it took me five hours to complete. It’s so beautiful when it’s finished. I took a few moments to just wander around and enjoy the surroundings. The rhododendron is just about to burst into bloom, as are the irises and peonies. The farm cats lazed around beneath the Rose of Sharon and the huge hydrangea bush along the creek. While the flowering quince is fading, the spice bush is in full bloom. I love this time of year.
\nWe are getting things geared up here at the Ponderosa to prepare for a summer of entertaining. Mr. FixIt has been working in the pool to get it open. We still need to pressure wash the deck but will wait for a dry spell. I’m heading out today for another road trip. This time I’ll be camping with the Girl Campers at a State Park in Ohio for a week. It’s a Mister Sister event so my mister will be joining me this weekend. I love camping with the girls! This year, our hostess…my dear friend Gail…is going to teach me to spin wool for sock yarn. I’ll have time to sit and knit on my socks and finally read my friend Michelle Cummins’ new book, The Reel Sisters. Peace and quiet in the beautiful woods surrounding one of my favorite campgrounds.
\nAs I sit here on the deck in the warm sunshine, a nice breeze blowing, listening to the rooster down the road, reading Country Living Magazine…my heart is overflowing with the blessings of my life. I’m such a far cry from the early days of my grief. The contrast is startling. The heart can mend itself…scarred, certainly. But infinitely full of hope. ❤️
\n“So I rejoice, and I am glad. Even my body has hope.”\nPsalms 16:9 INternational Children’s Bible
\n", "date_published": "2018-05-16T06:39:50-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/05/16/im-walkin-on-sunshine.html", "tags": ["Faith","Travel","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","TOW-Wanda!","Camping","West Virginia","The Farm","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","Peace","Wisdom","Humbled","Presence","Girl Camper","Girl Campers","Choices","Be Joyful!"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/05/12/mothers-day-weekend.html", "title": "Mother’s Day Weekend", "content_html": "![\"Mother’s](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/87cd6b3f63.jpg\")
“My mother’s love is with me always.”
I went to the farm yesterday. I wanted to spend some time in my mother’s childhood home…the home of my heart. I miss my mom and I feel closer to her when I’m in the house she loved so much. Grandma’s house was the epicenter of our universe. She was happiest when she had all her kids and grandkids surrounding her. I can relate to that.
\nMy mom was special…as are all moms, right? She had a heart of gold. She had a laugh that I craved. She was simple. She was stubborn. She was pretty. She was generous. She loved with every ounce of her being. She took care of my brother till the Lord called her home. She was…good.
\nWe butted heads a lot when I was growing up…like most of us do. She insisted on doing things the l-o-n-g way and it made me crazy. She was an excellent seamstress. She basted everything together and was meticulous. I threw things together as fast as I could. That made HER crazy!
\nShe was a terrible cook. But she made a pineapple upside down cake that made you cry it was so good. When microwaves came out, she decided she had to have one to heat up her coffee. That’s when she switched to Folgers Instant. She bought the biggest microwave I have ever seen in my life…to heat up a coffee cup full of water. Oy. Did I mention she made me crazy?
\nMy mother taught me many things but most importantly, she taught me about God. It didn’t stick for a long, long time for me. As a matter of fact, I became a Christian after she passed away, so she never experienced that particular joy. I think the one thing I regret most as a mother is not teaching my children the love of God. They are grown, and they are lovely women. I try to live my life as an example. I love them and miss them very much.
\nThis is my 14th Mother’s Day without my mom. My kids are in Colorado so I won’t see them until I head there this summer. So, when I came back from the farm yesterday, Mr. FixIt had two dozen roses and a beautiful card with a handwritten note in it resting on the kitchen counter. What a sweet, thoughtful man this is. He just makes me smile!!
\nIf you are missing your mom today, my heart is with you, dear one. Losing your mom is such a sad, sad affair. If you are missing your babies, whether they live far away or further…in heaven…my heart breaks for you. I cannot imagine that loss. You are all in my prayers this Mother’s Day Weekend. ❤️
\n“Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.”\nProverbs 22:6 ESV
\n", "date_published": "2018-05-12T01:30:41-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/05/12/mothers-day-weekend.html", "tags": ["Family","Uplifting Stories","Grief","West Virginia","The Farm","Gratitude","Wisdom"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/05/07/overwhelming-tasks.html", "title": "Overwhelming Tasks", "content_html": "![\"Messy](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/031dbe0583.jpg\")
“My messy garage as I was downsizing.”
My friend Deneene has been widowed three years now. Shortly after her husband died, she became friends with a fellow who lived near her kids. They were “just friends” and she was absolutely certain she would never fall in love with anyone. But, as soon as I saw her friend’s picture, I knew in my heart this is who she was destined to be with, but I didn’t say anything. They supported each other as they were both going through a rough patch in their lives. A couple of years after that, they ran into each other again. This time, something clicked and long story short…they fell in love. Like many of us, love after loss is magical and she has decided to sell her home here in West Virginia and move to the south to be with her love.
\nDee is facing something I’ve already been through…clearing out YEARS of “stuff”, selling a house, and moving hundreds of miles away. I am hoping her experience will be easier than mine. I did it at one year after losing Mr. Virgo. I was still reeling from my loss and heading into my second year which was much rougher for me than my first. I remember after making the decision, just the sheer enormity of the task was totally overwhelming. I cannot tell you how many times I sat on the floor and cried, not knowing where to start or what to do next. My daughter came to help one day. A couple of friends helped out when they could. But the bulk of the work, and all of the decision making, was mine.
\nMy friend is very wise. She’s been reading this and other grief blogs and listens to all of your suggestions. The first thing she did was create an event on Facebook for an Estate Sale in a month. Then, she asked for any and all volunteers, specifying what jobs need to be done and when. Wisely, she reminded her friends of the time they told her three years ago… “just let me know what you need and I’ll be there.” So, she’s calling in the favors. I applaud her for that. She already has people lined up to help her, myself included.
\nI remember how daunting that task was. I remember what a struggle it was to make decisions as to what to keep, what to give to the family, what I could sell, what I should throw away. It was brutal. But the rewards were many. I felt lighter with each load that went away. There were things I really loved, but no one else I knew would have, so I took pictures of them before I sent them on their way. Now I have a photo album on my phone and I can visit them any time I want. There are things I regret getting rid of, sure. But my life was so much easier without the burden of all that stuff around me.
\nI’m hoping Dee can keep her eye on the prize…the freedom that will come when she has fulfilled her goal of downsizing and selling the house. I am also hoping that the extra two years of grieving she has gone through saves her the gut-wrenching tears. I have a feeling she may find it a bit more emotionally charged than she thinks it will. She is a very strong woman. She is young, healthy, and happy. She has a love waiting for her in the south. She’s going to do great, I’m sure. She’s still in my prayers, though. It isn’t easy under any circumstances to face such an enormous task alone. ❤
\n“do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”\nPhilippians 4:6-7 ESV
\n\n", "date_published": "2018-05-07T01:30:16-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/05/07/overwhelming-tasks.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Growth","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/05/04/my-life-mosaic.html", "title": "My Life Mosaic", "content_html": "
![\"Mosaic](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/9a25c2b664.jpg\")
“Mosaic of Starry Night by VanGogh”
Every day since Mr. Virgo died, God has handed me a small tile and asked me to put it on a wall in my mind. At first, they were all shades of gray…darkness…shadows…swirls of inky blackness. I dutifully placed each one on the wall as He gave them to me. They made no sense. It was sheer chaos…day after day after day.
\nThen one day, there was a deep blue tile. I held it in my hand as though I wasn’t sure what “color” was. It had been so long since I had seen any. After a bit of meditation, I placed the dark blue colored tile amid the darker swirls. Some time later, I got another blue, then another, and soon…the tiles became lighter and lighter shades of blue. A pattern seemed to be emerging in the chaos and I could start to see a picture forming.
\nCurious, I began to run my eyes over the picture. I could see big empty places and I had an idea what I wanted to see there. I began to hold my hands out eagerly for my daily allotment of tiles. By this time, I was getting several a day. Then one day, I got a bright yellow one. It reminded me of something. The sun! Yes!!! I placed the tiles faster and faster. Bigger splashes of color emerged. Golden rays, swirls of deep orange, emphatic points of bright red.
\nFinally, I thought the picture was finished. I stepped back and looked and saw there were still many empty spots that needed filling, some lines needed correcting. When I looked to my left, I could see familiar scenes…scenes of a life already spent. When I looked to my right, the blank walled stretched further than I could see…it’s terminus shrouded in a foggy mist. I couldn’t see where it ended…but I could sense an ending somewhere over there.
\nThis is my life mosaic. Here are all the experiences of my life up till now. The colors vary with the experiences of the moment. There, about twenty-five years back, was a dark period where I dealt with depression and divorce. There, about five years back, was another dark period when I dealt with the death of Mr. Virgo. All the other scenes are varying degrees of colorful brilliance, cool undertones, staccato spots of joy. It is beautiful and far from being complete. But every day brings me the opportunity to take what God gives me and paint the portrait of my life with it. I’m looking for a brilliant teal, a vibrant spring green, a luscious purple, hot pink. How about you? ❤
\n“Commit your work to the Lord, and your plans will be established.”\nProverbs 16:3 ESV
\n", "date_published": "2018-05-04T01:30:52-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/05/04/my-life-mosaic.html", "tags": ["Grief","Gratitude","God","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/05/03/national-widows-day-may-rd.html", "title": "National Widows Day - May 3rd", "content_html": "![\"National](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/6a82e87945.jpg\")
“National Widows Day - May 3rd”
National Widows Day sprung from Widow Wednesday…a grassroots program designed to assist widows and widowers in the community with small tasks normally completed by the late spouse. Widow Wednesday was originally founded by Jimmy Chouteau, a Kansas City insurance agent. Part of his job was working with retirees, many of whom were left on their own and were struggling to do things around the house while also dealing with grief. Sometimes it was as easy as screwing in a lightbulb or helping write checks. And sometimes it was just spending some time in conversation. Jimmy and his family took time form is busy insurance agency to devote Wednesdays to assisting widows and widowers in need.
\nIn the spirit of Widow Wednesday and National Widows Day, reach out to a widow or widower in your life today. Ask them if there is anything you can do today to help them out. And, if there isn’t, ask him/her out for coffee or dinner. Take them a potted plant. Or just sit on the porch and visit a bit. Then, take some time every Wednesday to check in and help out wherever you can. You never know how much you can help someone coping with grief just by showing up and listening and letting them know they are not forgotten. It’ll warm your heart. ❤
\n“In all things I have shown you that by working hard in this way we must help the weak and remember the words of the Lord Jesus, how he himself said, ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.’ “”\nActs 20:35 ESV
\n#WidowWednesday, #NationaWidowsDay, #Love
\n", "date_published": "2018-05-03T01:30:03-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/05/03/national-widows-day-may-rd.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Positive Energy","Comfort"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/05/02/pain-is-like-shifting-sand.html", "title": "Pain is Like Shifting Sand", "content_html": "![\"Purple](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/71d07eb98e.jpg\")
“Iris on the OBX”
Those of us who have borne children understand the pain of childbirth. It is excruciating while you’re going through it, but once the baby comes the pain shifts. It doesn’t seem quite so bad. It’s hard to remember exactly what the worst contractions or the moment of delivery actually felt like. The fact there is this tiny new life to focus on eases our memories of the pain, mostly out of necessity and sleep deprivation. We just don’t have time to think about it. But…what about grief?
\nGrief is different. We don’t have that sweet little baby to focus all our attention on. We are left with this jagged hole…in our hearts, in our lives. We have “grief brain”, “grief waves”…change, change, and more change. And no sweet baby.
\nEveryone is different. We experience it differently. We approach it differently. Some heal fast. Some feel they will never ever heal. Some seem strong and stoic. Some weep forever more. There’s no wrong way to grieve. There is only your way.
\nSomething has been niggling at the back of my mind for a while. I’ll try my best to explain it. It’s been five years now since Mr. Virgo died and I’m in a new relationship. And…I’m very happy. But I also grieve. Not like before. Not acutely. Not so deep and not so long. My grief has shifted…like the sand dunes by the sea. It rises here and there. It recedes here and there. And, while the pain of my loss is still very real to me, it has receded to a point where I don’t think of it all the time anymore.
\nWhen I express my joy, I sometimes forget…like the new mother…that others may very well still be in the throes of grief. I try to remember that in my writing and address grief issues. The evolution of my grief has been a blessing and a curse. It is good that I’m not in pain like I was. It’s bad because I come across as insensitive to what you may be experiencing. I remember distinctly wanting to slap happy couples when I was a new widow.
\nA couple of weeks ago, we were in Tennessee visiting my cousin and his wife. He has mesothelioma and has decided to stop treatment. There isn’t much left they can offer him and what they do have is so toxic it nearly killed him. He’s decided to “ride it out”. He’s been given four years since his diagnosis…two of which would not have been possible just a few years ago due to medical advancements. There were a couple of times while we were visiting that I just wanted someone to put their hand over my mouth and make me shut up.
\nOne such event was proclaiming how happy Mr. FixIt and I are. Another was telling my cousin’s wife I’d take her on a trip some day with my camper. In the first instance, the memory of wanting to slap happy people came to me. In the second, I realized I had just tried to make plans with a new widow that isn’t widowed yet. Both were Grief 101 faux pas. Yet, there they were. I have written about grief for five years…you’d think I’d know better.
\nIt’s a delicate balance…grief and joy. At first, grief always wins. And eventually joy comes in and plays a bigger and bigger role. When/if that happens is so highly individualized that it’s impossible to predict. I just ask God to always keep me stepping gently when I dance with joy so that I might not hurt others. I never, ever want to cause more pain through insensitivity. ❤
\n“Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.”\nRomans 12:15 ESV
\n", "date_published": "2018-05-02T01:30:35-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/05/02/pain-is-like-shifting-sand.html", "tags": ["Grief","Grace","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/04/27/waking-up.html", "title": "Waking Up", "content_html": "![\"Knitting](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/9ab7e4d1fe.jpg\")
“Knitting Socks with Four Double Point Needles:
My second marriage fell apart in January 2000. In June of 2001, I opened a small needlework shop in Glenwood Springs called Needles & Pins. I lost my shirt with that business. Twice, actually. But, like buying TOW-Wanda and camping helped me heal after losing Mr. Virgo…that little shop helped me heal and find my long lost self-confidence after my 21 year marriage ended. I mostly sold cross-stitch supplies, a little needlepoint, some gift items, and eventually branched out and sold some yarn.
\nI’m not an accomplished knitter, but I did knit a cute little dress for my first grandchild. I have knit socks and hats and scarves. But once my shop closed and I got rid of most of the inventory, I was pretty burned out on needlework. Since Mr. Virgo died, I haven’t really been able to concentrate on anything like this. I don’t have the attention span to watch a movie, let alone knit something to completion.
\nWe were exploring Kitty Hawk the other day. We were looking for some really good cheese to eat while sitting on the beach and found a little wine and cheese bar called Trio. And, a couple of doors down is a yarn shop. Knitting Addiction is two stories of brightly lit space filled with a cornucopia of yummy yarns. I have always enjoyed knitting socks because it’s a relatively small project that you can work on in the summer without feeling like you’re wearing a winter coat. They go pretty fast, and they make lovely handmade gifts for the special people in your life.
\nI talked with the shop owner, Jeanne. I told her it had been years since I could concentrate enough to knit. She got it. She has this pattern for socks, she told me. She wrote it herself for people who don’t like terribly complicated stuff but still want to create cool things. Sign me up! We went through the cool yarns and I picked out a couple. Her pattern is knit using four double point needles…three holding stitches and one for working the rows. Now, it’s been twenty years since I knit socks that way. I’ve always used the book “Socks That Soar” which uses two circular needles. I was afraid it would be too much, but I really, really wanted to try.
\nI sat down that night and looked at the pattern and I could feel that familiar glaze forming over my mind and I thought, “Uh-oh…I’ve just wasted my money.” Then I ran my fingers over the soft yarn. I thought of how my daughter asked me to knit her another pair of socks years ago. She never asks for anything, but I just couldn’t do it. I was determined not to give up. When we were out and about yesterday, I asked Mr. FixIt to drop me off at the yarn shop for a little while. I wanted to sit down with Jeanne for a little refresher course.
\nJeanne was wonderful and showed me how to cast on and join in the round. It was like riding a bicycle…I picked it right up. I do have to work on my tension. I take tension VERY seriously…and it shows in my very tight knitting stitches. Jeanne carefully took out my cast on stitches and knit them with the proper tension that I can duplicate.
\nHere’s something interesting. When I meet people like Jeanne, I am often asked “What do you do?” Then the story comes out about being a writer and a speaker and a gypsy. I tell about TOW-Wanda and The Grand Adventure and the reason behind it. But this time, Spirit said…”Less is more.” So I talked about my needlework shop. Nothing about the blog or loss or Mr. Virgo. Last night, when I was writing this post, I couldn’t remember the shop owner’s name so I went to her website. On it, I found her blog. Her latest post disclosed she had lost “sweet guy” in October. And while she was doing ok, she was still struggling. She asked people to come in with a smile or pictures of the grandbaby with the new woobie you knitted for her. She asked you to make her laugh. Ohhhh, I can SO relate to that.
\nWhat made me thank God last night was this…He told me to “go see this lady. Don’t tell her of your pain. Have her help you relearn something you used to love doing. Make her laugh, even when she tells you she is struggling today. And I will renew for you this love affair with yarn.” I love the shoulder taps.
\nAnd…I made her laugh. ❤
\n“For it is not you who speak, but the Spirit of your Father speaking through you.”\nMatthew 10:20 ESV
\n", "date_published": "2018-04-27T01:30:47-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/04/27/waking-up.html", "tags": ["Travel","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Growth","Grace","Humbled"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/04/25/rough-waters.html", "title": "Rough Waters", "content_html": "![\"Stormy](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/55764db81b.jpg\")
“Stormy Seas”
I can hear the surf through the open window of the condo. It rained all day yesterday with a pretty strong wind coming in off the ocean which raised the surf to choppy white-capped waves. We didn’t let the steady rain keep us indoors, though. Mr. FixIt cooked a big breakfast and we headed out to explore the many antique shops on the island. I got some really great ideas for decorating the ‘67 Franklin. I hope to get started on it soon, although I am not sure I can get it done for camping this season.
\nThe Outer Banks (OBX for short) is a long string of islands off the coast of North Carolina. We are up north in a little town called Duck. It isn’t very commercial here which is what I love about it. There are small restaurants and little shops. Everything is open already, preparing for the onslaught of the summer crowds. Shops are fully stocked and the staff are fresh and friendly. It’s easy to spend time chatting with a shop owner. I went into a yarn shop yesterday and bought some yarn to knit a couple pairs of socks for Christmas presents. I haven’t done much more than writing for so long…I am longing to be creative and make something with my hands. Although, making the time to do that will be a challenge for me. I am thinking I might be able to knit while we are driving home Saturday.
\nOur trip is half over already…where does the time go??? I’m thinking we’ll go see the wild horses up north today. Maybe visit a lighthouse. I love just kicking back and doing whatever we want, whenever we want. Because, when we get home…there’s work to be done. And LOTS of it! ❤
\n“The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake. Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.”\nPsalm 23:1-6 NIV
\n", "date_published": "2018-04-25T01:30:33-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/04/25/rough-waters.html", "tags": ["Travel","Grief","Growth","Peace","Courage","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/04/24/revisiting.html", "title": "Revisiting", "content_html": "![\"Hands](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/b4add38660.jpg\")
\n![\"Turtles\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/ad67eb5d6e.jpg\")
“Turtles at the aquarium.”
I am having such a wonderful time at the beach with Mr. FixIt. We started out yesterday with the fabulous pancakes at Stack ‘Em High 4.5. Look up Kristine…the owner’s wife. What a hoot! Then we went to the Elizabethan Gardens, the aquarium, and the Fort Raleigh National Historic Site. We learned about Sir Walter Raleigh and the Lost Colony. We drove all over Roanoke Island and saw the shipyards where they make those huge yachts. We had crab for supper, tried to see a sunset (no go…yet), and drove up the island toward Corolla. We ended the evening with a few hands of Rummy. It was a very good day.
\n![\"Dungeness](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/eb65e35539.jpg\")
“Dungeness crab!”
I hope you enjoy the photos. The flowers are stunning down here! ❤
\n![\"Stuffed](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/7537ee7977.jpg\")
“Stuffed Flounder”
![\"Shark](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/8f0bb7818d.jpg\")
“Shark!”
![\"Jellyfish\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/80592f1745.jpg\")
“Jellyfish at the aquarium.”
![\"Elizabethan](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/ed27e0bf4e.jpg\")
“Elizabethan Gardens”
![\"Cherub](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/cb577adae8.jpg\")
“Cherub in the Hostas”
![\"Ornate](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/a2a7464412.jpg\")
“Ornate Marble Birdbath - Elizabethan Gardens”
![\"Sculpture](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/cb1bd0cc00.jpg\")
“Sculpture Garden”
![\"Interesting](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/3fc808a552.jpg\")
“Interesting trees make for a pleasant stroll through the gardens on the sound.”
![\"Virginia](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/e8f88baf34.jpg\")
“Virginia Dare sculpture - Elizabethan Gardens, Roanoke Island, NC”
“If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.”\nPsalm 139:9-10 NIV
\n", "date_published": "2018-04-24T01:30:45-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/04/24/revisiting.html", "tags": ["Travel","Grief","Fun","Growth","Gratitude"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/04/20/no-apologies.html", "title": "No Apologies", "content_html": "![\"Unplug\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/448119a74b.jpg\")
“It’s ok to unplug.”
What happens when you have to “dig in and go dark?” When you have the diagnosis, you’ve gone through the years of treatments, nothing else is working, so your spouse makes the decision you have dreaded from the beginning…no more? That was the question posed to me. It’s different for everyone and I don’t know for sure…I haven’t suffered this particular hell. But, my answer was this. Do what you need to do and don’t apologize for it.
\nFacebook has become a simplified way to let more distant family and friends know what’s going on during illness and the dying process. It tends to keep people from having to write the same story over and over. I suggested being honest. Tell them where you are in the decision process, explain you’re entering new territory with many unknowns that you’ll be learning to deal with as you go, and now…while you love each and every one and you covet their prayers…you have to unplug. Designate someone to let the closest people know what’s going on if you can’t do it.
\nYou don’t owe the world an explanation. I understand there will be those who feel left out or put out, but your time is best spent in communion with your loved one. You will have many demands on your time. Trying to update everyone on social media shouldn’t be one of them if it overwhelms you. From the other side of the coin, understand there’s a lot going on in a family whose loved one is dying and as much as you would like to know what’s going on, giving a family space and your prayers are the two best things you can do if you aren’t in the “inner circle.“
\nMany of you have shared your experiences of going through this kind of loss. What kind of advice would you give to someone heading into the last part of the process? What helped you the most? What did you really need from people? How did you handle communications?
\nRemember, when you’ve gone through loss and you’re functioning better and moving forward, don’t forget to turn back around and offer your hand to those coming up behind you on the same journey. Insight…it is one of the gems in the flame. ❤
\n“…a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;”\nEcclesiastes 3:7 ESV
\n", "date_published": "2018-04-20T01:30:14-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/04/20/no-apologies.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Fear","Courage","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/04/18/lightning-heart.html", "title": "⚡️❤️ Lightning Heart", "content_html": "![\"Fred](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/12b78914ae.jpg\")
“Magic Fred dancing at Mountain Fair”
We called him “Magic Fred.” Fred “Lightning Heart” Haberlien was a fixture in the Roaring Fork Valley where I lived for 28 years. He was an incredible muralist. His paintings grace buildings and silos all across Colorado, bringing warmth and light to spaces once overlooked or deemed an eyesore.
\nI first met Fred when his wife Teresa interviewed for a position in Hubby #2’s medical practice somewhere in the late ‘80s. He was a shaman, a medicine man, a spirit dancer. With his long hair pulled back into a ponytail and his signature hat, Fred could soon be found all over town spreading his love and light. When he met you…everytime he met you…he handed you a polished rock. He gave you a piece of his Earth Mother to hold and keep. He was generous to a fault, a peaceful man. I never saw anything rattle him.
\n![\"Fred](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/0224ba54cf.jpg\")
“Fred and one of his stunning murals.”
When Daughter #1 was born, Fred was drawn to her old soul. He wrote up her star chart in intricate detail. He brought her small gifts. He was enchanted, as we all were, with this quiet, dark-haired beauty that graced our presence. When she was older, he showed her magic tricks…hence the nickname, “Magic Fred.”
\nWhen we decided to renovate the kitchen in the big house on the hill, Fred came and drew the surrounding vista on the soffits above the cabinets. Any direction you turned, you could see what was outside…Mt. Sopris, The Flattops Wilderness Area, Red Mountain, Lookout Mountain. It was something I cherished.
\n![\"Fred](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/a0bbfc029d.jpg\")
Fred painted large murals that covered unsightly buildings.”
We lost ⚡❤ on Sunday night. I saw him last summer at the live music in the park in Glenwood Springs. I hadn’t known he was ill and had narrowly escaped esophageal cancer in the year prior. I don’t know for sure, but I assume that beast came back with a roar. You often read tributes like “The world is a little darker without you.” Fred wouldn’t want that, I don’t think. I think he would have wanted us to say “I see the spark of you in everything.” Tears stung my eyes when I read of his passing…mostly for his beloved partner, Teresa. They were simbiotic…such a beautiful match. It will be a difficult road for many who loved and honored our good friend.
\n![\"Fred](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/8c5131b6bf.jpg\")
“Fred dancing in front of a finished mural.”
Fame wasn’t something Fred sought. He sought to touch people’s lives in a way that might change them, which he did brilliantly. His paintings are beautiful gifts he left for us to remember him by…almost as a side note. He will be sorely missed.
\nVaya con dios, my sweet friend. Go with God.
\n⚡❤⚡
\n“For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.”\n2 Corinthians 4:17-18 ESV
\n\n", "date_published": "2018-04-18T01:30:18-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/04/18/lightning-heart.html", "tags": ["Colorado","Grief","Gratitude","Grace"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/04/14/sacrosanct.html", "title": "Sacrosanct", "content_html": "
![\"Two](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/c209f0ee3e.jpg\")
“It’s good to love again.”
Fridays. Since we first started dating, Fridays have been declared “sacrosanct”…too important or valuable to be interfered with. We don’t make plans with anyone on Fridays. That’s OUR day. We go where we want, do what we want. No obligations other than to enjoy each other’s company to the fullest. I’ve come to love Fridays. We look forward all week long to our special day. It’s special because we declared it so.
\nWe packed up from our week at the farm and headed back to the Ponderosa yesterday. We went to Walmart and bought oil and a filter so I could change the oil on my truck before we leave next week for the beach. It was only the second time I’ve changed the oil and Mr. FixIt sat right there and answered any questions I had. He handed me tools. And he offered words of encouragement when things didn’t go quite as smoothly as they had the first time. First, I tried using the creeper…that thing you lay on and roll under the vehicle. The new ramps Mr. FixIt bought aren’t as high as the old ones and with the creeper under me, I was feeling way too cramped. So I scooted back out and started over by wiggling under the truck. The engine was still pretty warm so the oil was runny and when I took the plug out of the oil pan, it sprayed everywhere. All over me…in my hair. What a mess. But, eventually…I got it done.
\nI have never had a qualm about doing hefty projects around the house, but I always deferred things like changing the oil to the man of the house or the guy at Jiffy Lube. It never occurred to me to do these things. But after Mr. Virgo died, I felt so incompetent at so many things. I vowed I would learn how to do anything that needed doing so I would never feel that vulnerable again. Mr. FixIt is an excellent teacher and has infinite patience with me. At first, I think it bothered him a bit that I wanted to do things myself. It gives him great pleasure to do things for me. Now he seems to get a big kick out of watching me accomplish something and be so proud of myself.
\nLoving after loss is different. I’m much more independent and assertive than I have ever been. This love encompasses fierce bravery and incredible tenderness. Case in point…I was putting laundry away yesterday when the song “At Last” came on the playlist. Out of the blue, I was standing in Rivers Restaurant on a crisp April day…dancing in Mr. Virgo’s arms. Our first, and only, dance was at our wedding reception. Nine times out of ten, I can hear that song and smile. Not yesterday. I sat on the edge of the bed and cried. It’s a short song. It was soon over and I dried my eyes and went on about my work. Later, I walked through the kitchen and Mr. FixIt was doing dishes. I stopped and watched him for a few moments. When he was finished, he turned and saw me standing there and smiled as he wiped his hands.
\n“I love you more than I ever dreamed possible,” I said. “And, even with that deep love, I just sat on the bed and cried when “At Last” came on.”
\nHe knows the significance of the song. He opened his arms wide and drew me into his embrace. He held me close and whispered into my hair.
\n“Of course you did, sweetheart. It brings back memories.”
\nThat’s all. No attempt to jolly me out of it. No rush to move me along and change the subject. Just honor. And love. And support. And validation. No one…no one could ever ask for anything more beautiful than that. What a wonderful man.
\nI love Fridays. ❤
\n“Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.”\n1 Peter 4:8 NIV
\n", "date_published": "2018-04-14T01:30:03-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/04/14/sacrosanct.html", "tags": ["Family","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","Love","Wisdom","Choices","Change","Starting Over"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/04/09/hiraeth.html", "title": "Hiraeth", "content_html": "![\"Hiraeth](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/a7753ffc19.jpg\")
“Hiraeth…a longing for a home you can’t return to.”
A Welsh word for the yearning…the grief for the places of your past. Yet, not necessarily a house. A place in your life that you can never return to. This is so much of what grief is…that longing to return to that homely feeling of the love you shared with another. I remember feeling this so very strongly after losing my grandma. And then my mom. It consumed me when I lost Mr. Virgo…that longing for home.
\nI felt it when I lost my dad, but in a different way. I yearned for the daddy I never had…not the father that was lost in his cups. I feel it from time to time for my mother’s house that I regretted selling almost before the ink was dry.
\nI feel it in a way, at this very moment, lying in my grandparent’s bedroom…knowing each day here is one closer to the last I will experience in this place. Anticipatory hiraeth. I wonder if that’s a “thing”?
\nI know this word. I feel this word in my bones. The dichotomy is not lost on me. Unspeakable joy, unspeakable tragedy, unspeakable joy. The ebb and flow of life swings with such violence at times. Right now, I’m enjoying an easy float down a peaceful stream, my fingers gently trailing in the calm blue water. But my bones remember. Bones never forget. ❤️
\n“By faith we understand that the universe was created by the word of God, so that what is seen was not made out of things that are visible.”\nHebrews 11:3 ESV
\n#Hiraeth, #longing, #love, #home
\n", "date_published": "2018-04-09T01:30:04-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/04/09/hiraeth.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Hope","Growth","Wisdom","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/04/08/doing-the-happy-dance.html", "title": "Doing the Happy Dance!!!", "content_html": "![\"Messy](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/916b9cb03b.jpg\")
“Organized Chaos”
Wahoo! I not only got the taxes done, but I found the results to be quite pleasing. I don’t know why I was so worried. I had myself convinced I was going to have to pay a huge amount but that didn’t turn out to be the case. I feel such a heavy load has been lifted. Now I can go get the new brakes on my truck this week. I was putting it off till I was sure about the taxes.
\nGetting these deadlines and the taxes behind me has opened my coming days to more enjoyable pursuits. We’re going to spend more time at the farm to enjoy all of grandma’s flowers. We’ll start preparing for our trip to the beach. There are some outdoor things at both houses that need doing…cleaning off the porches, trimming some shrubs, some minor hope repairs. Not to mention start cleaning out that huge building behind Mr. FixIt’s house. I’m telling you…even THAT tops doing paperwork and taxes!
\nThe other day, I heard from Tammy. Those of you who have been around for a while may remember the story about meeting a woman in the Hot Springs Pool in Glenwood Springs. She had just arrived in town after driving from Cincinnati. I was leaving the locker room and saw her standing there, clutching her bag and peeking out at the pools. She wasn’t sure of the procedure. I told her how everything worked and when she came out, she sat by me in the therapeutic pool…the one that runs at 105 degrees.
\nWe had a lovely conversation. I told her I was from Parkersburg originally, just up the river from her. Before long, she told me her father had passed away recently and she was struggling. I told her I had lost my parents, too. And it hadn’t been more than a year since I lost my husband. I quoted something from my blog…something I had just written the week before…but I didn’t identify myself as the author.
\nSuddenly, Tammy narrowed her eyes and asked. “Do you write a blog?”
\n“Why, yes. Yes, I do.” I replied, somewhat surprised.
\n“Is it something about marshmallows?” she asked.
\n“How would you know that?” I was stunned.
\n“I’ve been researching Glenwood Springs and your blog came up. I’ve been reading it for a while now.” Tammy smiled.
\nThis has happened a lot over the last couple of years as the blog gets around, but this was the first time anyone knew my work and I was humbled. Tammy has followed along all these years and on occasion, we reach out and say hello. The other day, she reached out and shared something deeper. It turns out, she was very ill last year. To the point she wasn’t sure she was going to make it. She wanted to let me know that the uplifting “notes from God” that shine through my posts helped keep her going. She sat in the hospital having treatments and looked for my posts, reading them over an over and they offered her comfort and courage and hope. And,l now, thank you God, she is well and traveling again.
\nI got such a lump in my throat when she told me that. It reassured me, yet again, that I am doing exactly what I am supposed to be doing. She found me when she was mourning her father. Yet she kept reading all these years. Why? I know why. God gives me the words and He brings those who need to read them. That is my prayer before I write. God is so good…he is so faithful. He knew Tammy was going to need to hear from him in a real and tangible way, so he made our paths cross that cold November night in a hot springs. I almost didn’t stop that night. I was on my way home from Denver when I just got the pull…go there.
\nThat still, small voice can bring the most amazing experiences into your life…the most beautiful people. You just have to listen…and be obedient.
\nOh, and eleven years ago yesterday, I married Mr. Virgo. The week he died, I put two alarms in my phone to repeat every year. One was the exact time we said I do. The other was the last breath he took. I’ve been busy the last couple of weeks with writing and deadlines and taxes and the date slipped my mind. Till yesterday…when the alarm went off. I smiled and whispered, “Thank you for being part of my life.” Then I removed the alarm. I thought about it for a moment, and removed the alarm that would forever remind me of the exact time of his death, as well. I didn’t need either one anymore.
\nIt was time.❤
\n“Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.”\nPhilippians 2:4 ESV
\n\n", "date_published": "2018-04-08T01:30:47-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/04/08/doing-the-happy-dance.html", "tags": ["Grief","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/04/06/why-do-i-do-this.html", "title": "Why Do I DO This???", "content_html": "
![\"Tax](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/a5c36ef9fa.jpg\")
“It’s tax time!”
I wish I could blame my reticence for bookkeeping on “grief brain” but truth be told, I’ve never been good at record keeping. I have all the modern conveniences at my disposal…laptop, smartphone, iPad, Quicken, Turbo Tax…but do you think I can balance my checkbook every month? Categorize every transaction for tax reports? Keep important papers gathered in one place and filed in some semblance of order? No. That’s someone else you’re thinking of. If I did that, what would I have to write about at this time of year, right?
\nI’ve been at the farm the last couple of weeks. Writing deadlines, copying blog posts over, sorting papers, and balancing my checkbook so I can do my taxes. Monday morning, I started on the computer. It’s a new laptop so I needed to download Quicken. I went into Quicken online and there was 2015’s version ready to download. I thought I’d bought a newer version, but figured I must be mistaken. Download 2015. It didn’t recognize my old data file. Hmmmm. Ok, download data from bank. It gave me three months. I needed all of 2017. Call the bank help line. They talked me through downloading manually. Everything was duplicated. I deleted and reinstalled the program three times. The three months was fine. But anything older was wacky.
\nYesterday, I chatted online with Quicken’s service department. They discovered that indeed I had purchased 2017 last year. It just wasn’t showing up. He put it in my shopping cart for me and talked me through the install and now I have all of my bank transactions clear back to 2001! Wahoo! I categorized last year’s transactions so I could run a spending report for taxes. And I reconciled my account…to the penny. If I would just keep up with this on a monthly basis, I wouldn’t have to go through this year after year. Maybe next year I can do better…who knows? In the meantime, today I do my taxes. If you hear of an earthquake in WV today, please disregard. It’s just me. ❤
\n“Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is.”\nEphesians 5:15-17 NIV
\n\n", "date_published": "2018-04-06T01:30:19-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/04/06/why-do-i-do-this.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Grace"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/04/05/standing-on-the-edge.html", "title": "Standing on the Edge", "content_html": "
![\"Holding](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/952bc54cfb.jpg\")
“The Sweetest Love”
Ever since I changed my Twitter handle to @GriefMaven, I’ve been meeting the coolest people in the grief support community. I have had more interaction and made more connections in the last month than I did in all of the five years prior. I have to admit, I didn’t really “get” Twitter. You send some random thought out, you throw a few hashtags with it in the hopes someone else is interested in said hashtagged subjects, then they like your Tweet. Maybe you get the cherished “Retweet” where they like it so much, they send it on. Or…the Holy Grail of Tweetdom…they FOLLOW you! They like you enough to watch what you’ll say next. I get it now. You can truly build a community in Twitter and I must say I am enjoying it tremendously. It’s an excellent platform to build each other up.
\nIn the process of tweeting and retweeting, I find writers I may not have found otherwise. Such is the case of Catherine Tidd. She wrote a guest post on Hello Grief (hellogrief.org) about dating. The horse has already left the barn for me, but some of you may be thinking about dating again. If so, I couldn’t have written a better article about it that Catherine did with “Time to Cast the Line”. (I’ll leave the link at the bottom of this post.)
\nEver since I started dating Mr. FixIt, there has been this deep “feeling” I haven’t been able to express. It flits to the surface on occasion and I stuff it back down because people might not understand. Heck…even I don’t understand. So I stuff it back down, feeling like I should be celebrating something but can’t let myself. Catherine’s article articulates what I’ve been feeling so well, so I’ll just share it here. And then we’ll discuss it.
\nThis is the best relationship I have ever been in.
\nThere. I’ve said it. It’s the best, really. It’s deeper. It’s broader. It’s lighter. It’s easier. It’s filled with love and laughter and light and God. I was so afraid admitting this would somehow be disrespectful of what I had before. So, what does that mean about my marriage? My relationship with Mr. Virgo? Our life and love?
\nAbsolutely. Nothing.
\nYou know why? Because I’m not the same woman Mr. Virgo married. I’m not the same woman that lived with him. I’m not the same woman that loved him. I’m so much more now…BECAUSE I had him. BECAUSE I was married to him. BECAUSE I loved him. And…BECAUSE he died. I hate when people tell you everything happens for a reason. My friend, Debbie Weiss (@thehungoverwidow) says she hates when someone says everything happens for a reason, as if her husband’s death was necessary to stave off a plague of frogs. (Read her…she’s funny!)
\nI didn’t have to lose Mr. Virgo to gain some sort of amazing insight into my existence. I didn’t have to lose him to achieve a grand level of personal growth. But…those things happened, and I’m a different person than I was before. (Remember my pickle/cucumber analogy?) Like Catherine says in her article…who knows if Mr. Virgo would even LIKE who I am now? I’m stronger and much more outspoken. I’m a hundred times more independent. When I want to pick up and go…I go. He told me from the outset that he didn’t date women who wanted to pick up and go. He wanted someone who would be there with him. So…I was there. I don’t regret it. Not for a minute. But I’m not that same person. And, fortunately, Mr. FixIt knows that and understands me.
\nI could never find another man like Mr. Virgo. And if I did, maybe it wouldn’t work for me in this incarnation of myself. Does that mean I don’t still love him. Of course not. Does it mean I’ve “gotten over him?” Oh, h*** no! You don’t ever “get over” someone you loved with the white hot heat of the sun. But the sun is shining again. And…the sun shines bright now because I longed for the sun…I was so ready for the sun…I will cherish every moment I can get in the sun.
\nIt’s ok if you don’t ever want to date again. I am behind you 100%. Some people are just happy as little clams to not be bothered. Good for you! You know yourself and that is awesome. But, if you feel…even a little bit…that you miss the companionship of another, the warmth of another, the humor of another….don’t be afraid. There are good men out there. There really are. Mr. FixIt is proof of that. This is the best…really. ❤️
\n\n“And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them. This is how love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment: In this world we are like Jesus. There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. We love because he first loved us.”\n1 John 4:16-19 NIV
\n#love, #MovingForward, #relationships
\n", "date_published": "2018-04-05T01:30:48-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/04/05/standing-on-the-edge.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Wisdom","Courage","Choices","Change","Starting Over"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/04/04/thunder.html", "title": "Thunder!", "content_html": "![\"Bluebird](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/fcf3feaa55.jpg\")
“He Brings Me Bluebirds”
Oh, there is nothing like a good ol’ thunderstorm and a hard rain on this old roof to bring me into my cozy “safe place”. As I sit in my familiar chair at the front window, I can see through the veil of rain to the far hillside. The neighbor across the way lost his culvert drain last spring and spent much of the summer building and hand carrying five gallon buckets of gravel up the hill to fill in around the new drainage pipe he laid. Now, there is a new waterfall to watch when the rain pours. The white splash of the water on the rocks below glows like a beacon in the gloomy darkness of the storm. Thunder crashes and the skies open and just as quickly, it drops back to the gentle rain we’ve had all morning.
\nWorking on the computer here at the farm is a dicey proposition this time of year. The electric can go off at a moment’s notice and be off for days at a time. We had quite a wind blow through here a couple of hours before I wrote this. That can easily drop a tree or even a branch over the lines and put us out of business till the guys with the chainsaws arrive. Mr. FixIt was here and when he drove back to the Ponderosa yesterday morning, there was a huge tree down across the road about a mile and a half from the farm. When I saw that wind gust through this little holler, I just prayed God would keep the trees from tumbling down on this old house…and our old heads!
\nSeeing the new spring green creep its way up the hillside and filling in the lawns and fields reminds me we are inching ever closer to the warm days of sweet tea and porches. How we see the seasons is highly individualized. Some love winter, some hate it. Some cope by skiing, some by fleeing. It’s the same with grief. We each approach it in our own way and what works for one may not work for another.
\nAs I was sitting here writing, a notification popped up on my screen in one of the widow’s groups I follow. A woman had posed a question. Someone had suggested she might benefit from seeing a counselor and she wanted our opinions. The discussion that followed involved a lot of differing opinions. When I offered that indeed grief therapy can help some who feel stuck, there was one woman who kept firing back that you can’t “treat” grief. I dealt with her in a loving way and told her I totally understood that talking with her widowed peers works for her as a way to cope and work through this journey we didn’t ask for. However, I was adamant in this…there is nothing wrong with seeking the help of a trained professional if you are feeling overwhelmed or stuck. Therapy is not intended to become a lifelong occupation. It is meant to give you a safe place to open up about your feelings in front of someone who is trained to watch for signs of severe depression or hints of thoughts of suicide. In my particular case, I was suffering from PTSD and received EMDR treatments which greatly improved the flashback and panic attacks I was experiencing. I am not a trained professional. I cannot give medical advise, I can only tell you what has helped me. I can listen. I can empathize. And I can share. How you walk this out is highly individualized. I’m just here to offer you encouragement and shine God’s light on the path ahead. We don’t “treat grief”…we experience it…and sometimes that experience includes talking to a mental health professional. There is no shame in that. ❤️
\n“Our sorrows are all, like ourselves, mortal. There are no immortal sorrows for immortal souls. They come, but blessed be God, they also go. Like birds of the air, they fly over our heads. But they cannot make their abode in our souls. We suffer today, but we shall rejoice tomorrow.” Charles Spurgeon
\n““Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.”\nMatthew 7:7-8 NIV
\n\n", "date_published": "2018-04-04T01:30:12-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/04/04/thunder.html", "tags": ["Grief","Growth","Gratitude","Grace"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/03/27/peace.html", "title": "Peace", "content_html": "
![\"Relaxing](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/1be5a98b25.jpg\")
“Peace on the Porch”
I don’t think you can see in this picture, but there are some forsythia starting to bloom on the far side of the bank and some quince on this side. Another day or two and you’ll really be able to see them. Not much green on the hillsides yet, but the fields and lawns are greening up nicely here in West Virginia.
\nI came out to the farm for a little retreat because I have some writing deadlines. Yesterday, I worked on copying posts over to the website again. I have to spend some time on it every day and get it done before Facebook implodes. I’m up to the point in the blog where I am downsizing. Selling the house, getting rid of 95% of my personal belongings. Getting the house staged. I am not taking the time to read these posts as a rule, but a couple of the headlines caught my attention and I skimmed through two or three of the posts. OMGosh! I had totally forgotten how horrendous that whole process was! I am SO happy to be on the other side of it now.
\nAs I was writing yesterday afternoon, I had the doors open to let the breeze through and air out the house. All of a sudden, I heard the screen door in the kitchen open and close. I jumped up like I was shot and looked in and there was Boy Cat on his way into the house. He took one look at me and thought better of it and backed out slowly. I went in and shut the door because I don’t have a hook on that screen. Tricky boy!
\nThen last night I was propped up writing this when I heard a mighty crash on the back porch and knew right away what it was. I had left the lid off the cat food can. I ran out and sure enough, there was a little possum in the can, munching away. I shooed him off and locked the lid on. Just a little while later, I had to break up a cat fight just outside the back door. Then not too long after that, I heard what I assume was the neighbor’s dog trotting up the creek past my bedroom window to see if there were any treats to be had. Sorry Mr. Doggy…Mr. Possum got here first!
\nSuch is life back on the farm. I love it here and especially miss it in the spring. We need to stay here more now that the spring flowers will be in bloom before long. Life is good…no matter where we are. ❤️
\n““Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”\nMatthew 11:28 NIV
\n", "date_published": "2018-03-27T01:30:52-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/03/27/peace.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","West Virginia","The Farm","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","The Cats"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/03/25/the-kitchen-sink.html", "title": "The Kitchen Sink", "content_html": "![\"Grief](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/b3b0ff6be9.jpg\")
“You know you’ve turned a corner when you stop eating over the kitchen sink…most of the time.”
I remember well…not wanting to eat but knowing I had to. Really, what I wanted to do was just wither up and die. It happened when Hubby #2 wanted out. It happened again when Hubby #3 up and died on me. It was everything I could do to make myself eat something and when I did, I wanted it over with…FAST.
\nWhy is that? I think it’s because dining is a social ritual as much as giving your body what it needs. Dining also gives your mind what it needs…conversation, socialization, eye contact, touching hands as you pass the food, and (if you are MOST fortunate) doing the dishes together. When your partner dies, everything changes. What you eat. Even the way you eat it.
\nI remember stopping at the store and buying a rotisserie chicken because I hadn’t had protein for longer than I could remember. Nothing tasted good. Everything tasted like wet cardboard. You could chew oatmeal forever and not swallow. For some reason, a rotisserie chicken sounded comforting. I picked out a nice, plump hen…roasted golden brown. It smelled of herbs and garlic and whatever magic they put in those things to make them fall off the bone delicious.
\nI got home and went straight to the kitchen sink, ripped open the container, and…standing there in front of the kitchen window…I grabbed hot, juicy chicken by the handfuls and shoved them in my mouth. I was suddenly ravenous. It was barbaric. As some point I stopped and caught my reflection in the glass door of the microwave. I didn’t even recognize myself. Who WAS this mad woman in my kitchen, eating roasted chicken with her bare hands, grease dripping off her chin onto her good work clothes she hadn’t even taken off?
\nI covered the container, washed my hands, and put the leftovers in the fridge. I went into the bedroom and sat on his side of the bed and started talking to him.
\n“Babe, I’m in trouble here.” I whispered. “I don’t know who I am anymore. I can’t breathe. I can’t sleep. I eat like a dog rummaging through the can next door. I don’t know if I can do this anymore.” I stretched out on his side of the bed, buried my face in his pillow, and cried gut-wrenching sobs till I fell asleep. I woke up somewhere around 3:00am with the full moon shining in my eyes through the bedroom window. I sat up and wrapped my arms around my knees and gently rocked myself…still on his side of the bed. Suddenly, I remembered something.
\nMr. Virgo and I had a formal dining room table and a beautiful kitchen table and chairs made out of hickory. The only sore spot in our marriage was his insistence that we sit at the coffee table in the living room and watch TV when we ate. I hated that. HATED. But I did it. Because…I know know. I loved him. And he liked it. So I gave in. I hadn’t turned the TV on since he died. I hated it that much. And now? Now I could look at this as a new beginning. A new start. A new…normal. Not that I liked that very much but it was a far cry better than eating like a pig over a trough.
\nFor the next twenty-one days, I cooked. And I dressed the table…MY table…the one I wanted Mr. Virgo to sit at with me. I bought myself flowers every week. I lit candles. I put on music. And I made myself sit down and eat. The only distraction I allowed myself was one magazine…something without a lot of words…something with lots of glossy pictures of flower gardens and beautiful houses. At the end of the three weeks, I was tamed. I wasn’t eating rotisserie chicken with my bare hands over the kitchen sink anymore. I considered that a success.
\nNow that Mr. FixIt and I are together, I started things out right from the very beginning. Meal times are for sharing conversation. Making eye contact. Slowing down and connecting and savoring…not only the food, but each other. No cell phones. No newspapers. No mail sorting. No TV. Just us. And someday…if I lose him…I’ll have these beautiful memories to hold in my heart. And I’ll remember how to be civilized and dine. ❤
\n“So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.”\n1 Corinthians 10:31 NIV
\n\n", "date_published": "2018-03-25T01:30:15-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/03/25/the-kitchen-sink.html", "tags": ["Grief","Growth","Choices"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/03/22/becoming-a-pickle.html", "title": "Becoming a Pickle", "content_html": "
![\"Spring](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/4e158f990f.jpg\")
“Spring Snow”
I worked all day again, copying old posts, pasting them into the website blog. I watched the snowfall outside my window on the first day of spring, filling me with a mix of warm memories and melancholy. I wrote an outline for a project I’m working on. I caught up with old friends. Mr. FixIt brought home my favorite salad from Chik-fil-A. We watched the recording of the new season of American Idol. Then I retreated to the back of the house to write my post. It’s our routine now. One we are both comfortable with.
\nI quickly scanned my Facebook feed, stopping to read one that spoke to my heart. One of the most humbling experiences I have in doing this grief work is mentoring other widows. A couple of years ago, I met Deneene. She was referred to me by a friend of mine because she was approaching the first “angelversary” of her husband’s death. She was struggling, as we all do with such monumental firsts. When someone tells me they were referred by someone I know, I take a peek at their profile to see if, by chance, they live near me. Sure enough, Deneene lived in my little town in West Virginia. I sent her a private message and invited her to coffee.
\nWe met at Panera on a cold, late winter day and our one hour coffee meeting turned into a four hour gab fest and a life long friendship. I have watched Deneene grow and heal and change and stretch. I’ve watched her be surprised by a new, great love who came into her life. I’ve watched her basically move away to the south with her new love, building a new life. I am so proud of her…so happy for her. And, I miss my coffee buddy, my movie partner, my Girl Camper queen. But such is life…it twists and turns and changes and it’s beautiful.
\nMonday is the third “angelversary” of her loss. She’s chosen how she will honor that and her beau, like Mr. FixIt, has a big enough heart for her AND her late husband. I was reading her Facebook post tonight and she mentioned something I told her that very first day we met. We were talking about how much our lives have changed…change we certainly did not want…change we didn’t see coming and weren’t prepared for. I told her we were pickles now. She looked at me, puzzled.
\n“You see, we were cucumbers all our lives. And now, we’re pickles. Once you’re a pickle, you don’t get to go back and be a fresh, green cucumber. Now you get to choose…are you sour? Or are you sweet?”
\nMy heart is with you in the coming days, D. And let me tell you…you’re the sweetest little pickle there ever was! ❤
\n“I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you…”\nEzekiel 36:26 NIV
\n", "date_published": "2018-03-22T01:30:40-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/03/22/becoming-a-pickle.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Growth","Gratitude"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/03/21/my-source-of-peace.html", "title": "My Source of Peace", "content_html": "![\"Source](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/301b2b3248.jpg\")
“The Lord is my refuge, my source of Peace.”
I worked again yesterday copying my posts from the Marshmallow Ranch Facebook page over to www.marshmallowranch.com. I feel this sense of urgency to get that finished, especially with the negative press FB has been receiving of late. In the past, diving back into my early writings took me to dark places I really had no business visiting very often. I remember during the first year after becoming a widow, I took TOW-Wanda to southwest Colorado and parked her on my dear friend Sue’s ten acres overlooking Mesa Verde. Sue is my yogi earth mother friend who holds me in her heart from long distances in space and time. We just have this beautiful connection. I remember sitting with her, quietly having tea and watching the abundance of birds at the numerous feeders on her veranda. I was avoiding writing because it was too painful.
\n“You must write now…simply BECAUSE it is painful. If you wait too long, you will lose your voice. The angst will be healed and we will miss feeling your heart in your words.”
\nAs I’m copying my early work, I can see what she means. I read the emotions in every word. The ups. The downs. The mask of happiness. The mask of relationships. The mask of strength. Inside I was screaming down the hallways of my 3:00 mind, jiggling doorknobs…desperate to get out of that hell I found myself in.
\nFive years out, I see that pain differently. I see the place when I started finding my refuge in God. When I truly learned to seek His face…His peace. I remember clearly the day I heard the Holy Spirit whisper, “You must tell them where you find your peace.” I remember clearly arguing with Him and saying, “Oh, no…I really don’t!” And…as in most arguments I have with God…He won.
\nI try to walk my faith out in my writing without beating people over the head with it. My grandma always said you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make him drink. I cannot change anyone’s views on faith. I don’t even try. I just tell you how I feel. I tell you what has worked for me. I tell you where I find my peace. I lay it all down here. Pick it up. Don’t pick it up. That’s not for me to decide. I know there are people who grieve without faith. I will never criticize another’s walk. I have enough trouble walking my own path. Personally, I cannot imagine doing this without God. He has brought me great comfort and peace. He is my refuge. But I love you and embrace you no matter what your grief walk looks like. I just pray my words help you in some way.
\nGrief is like wearing a pair of stiff leather shoes without socks…maybe with some gravel in them. Every step hurts worse than the last. You get blisters that break open and bleed. There are times you can barely walk for the pain. At some point, you think to shake the gravel out…like when I stopped looking at pictures of my dead husband in his casket. There…that’s a little easier. Then in time, you think maybe bandaids will fix everything and take the pain away…like when I tried dating WAY too soon only to find the wounds festering when I ripped the bandages off. Finally, I thought to ask God to take over and He led me to a cool spring and gave me a thick pair of comfortable wool socks to put on. Ahhhhh…..MUCH better. Finally, there comes a time when the leather has conformed, molding and cradling to your feet and carrying you step by step through your life. These worn-in shoes will never fall off…will never wear out. They’ll be there forever, reminding you of how awful they were when you first put them on. And one day, you will look down and smile because they’ll remind you…not so much of the pain, but of the love you walked with before you got them.
\nThey become love shoes. ❤️
\n““I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.””\nJohn 16:33 NIV
\n\n", "date_published": "2018-03-21T01:30:31-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/03/21/my-source-of-peace.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","God","Peace","Wisdom"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/03/18/catching-up.html", "title": "Catching Up", "content_html": "
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/080ff5bea3.jpg\")
“Copying content to the website.”
It’s not necessarily that I’m a procrastinator so much as it’s being a Gemini. I have to be in the mood to do something or I really don’t do it well. Or I don’t stick to it. The last couple of days, I decided I felt like diving back in and working on copying the Facebook content of Marshmallow Ranch over to the website blog. It is a HUGE undertaking and sometimes it can send me down a rabbit hole. Not this time. I read and corrected any grammar errors and, even though I was terribly tempted on a few of those posts, I left everything as it was. I look at some of the posts and wonder what on EARTH I was thinking! Remember that “bandaid relationship” when I “dated” that guy from my high school class? Not a bad man, really….but certainly not MY man and certainly WAY too early.
\nDaughter #2 called me the other day and I told her I had run across the post where I “introduced this guy”. She said, “Oh, my gosh, Mom…what did you do?” I told her I left it like it was. It’s embarrassing that I thought I was ready to date just six months after Mr. Virgo died. But it’s also a true testament as to how totally crazy grief can make you. I know there are some who can make a relationship like that work, but for me, it was desperate cry for help. I just wanted the bleeding to stop and he was my bandaid. The thing was, once I figured that out and pulled that bandaid off…it was a hundred times worse.
\nI ran across the one year angelversary tribute to Mr. Virgo and instead of feeling sad, I felt proud and full of love. I wrote a loving tribute to him and it was fitting to the love we had together. I found the post where I gave his guitar to the alternative high school’s music program. The one where I had to put TOW-Wanda to bed for the winter. The only bad thing about this is I’m finding holes in the timeline where I feel posts are missing from Facebook. Another reason why I need to duplicate the content and put it on my website where it’s safe.
\nI’ve posted about a year of the old stories and you can find them on the website by looking at the timeline over on the right side of the page. My goal has been to get these all over there so new widows can go back and read the earlier content when things were so rough and raw. You’ll see some good ones, some sad ones, some embarrassing ones, some sweet ones. Hope you enjoy them as much as I did looking back. ❤️
\n“Do not say, “Why were the old days better than these?” For it is not wise to ask such questions.”\nEcclesiastes 7:10 NIV
\n", "date_published": "2018-03-18T01:30:52-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/03/18/catching-up.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Growth"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/03/17/own-your-experiences.html", "title": "Own Your Experiences", "content_html": "![\"Meme\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/246b927ff9.jpg\")
“Own Your Experiences”
I don’t know if it’s because every time I turn around, I read about someone I know dying or not, but the last few weeks have been making me dig deep. I hate that people I know are dying…some all too soon. I know…I’ll soon be 65. I’m getting to the age where we lose more of our contemporaries. I get that. Doesn’t make it any easier. What it HAS done is made me work harder. I’m researching more. I networking more. I’m writing more. Still building a foundation…a platform…a community. Of grievers. FOR grievers.
\nI was looking at my social media numbers the other day and wondered about my Twitter account. It just kinda lays there. I put some things out there and they rarely get noticed. My words can’t help anyone if they don’t get noticed and that is my goal in all of this…to help others as I hope I’m helping you. As I meditated on what I was doing wrong, I started looking up other writers and bloggers who tweet and do instagram and Facebook. Almost all of them have “grief” in their Twitter handle. “Marshmallow Ranch” tells no one that even a part of my blog deals with grief. I could be trying to raise wild marshmallows for all anyone knows.
\nI used to get phone calls for Mr. Virgo after he died. They would ask for him. I’d say he’s not available but I could get a message to him.
\n“Have you seen the catalogue we sent?” a man asked.
\n“What kind of catalogue?”
\n“Ranch supplies.”
\nOh….this is too easy.
\n“Oh, thank goodness! We are having a heck of a time with our crops!”
\nThis perked him up. “Oh? What are you trying to grow?”
\n“Why…marshmallows, of course! This IS Marshmallow Ranch after all!”
\nSilence.
\nThen I started laughing and explained I’m not a “ranch” and I don’t grow marshmallows. I’m a writer and I write a grief blog. Which makes about as much sense, public relations wise, as confectionery agribusiness. But I digress.
\nThe point was, I haven’t been reaching as many folks as I could be if I had the word “grief” in there somewhere. So, I did a little experiment. I started a second Twitter account with the handle @GriefMaven. In two weeks, The Grief Maven as seen more activity than in all the five years of the Marshmallow Ranch Twitter account, so I think I’m onto something. I’m still working on it, but I’ve been connecting with some really wonderful writers, bloggers, podcasters, and speakers who deal with grief and grief related subjects. I’m expanding my territory. (Thank you again to the Prayer of Jabez.)
\nOne of the women I have connected with has a FB page called BreatheGrieveBelieve (on Twitter she is @griefsabitch.) As it turns out, we know some of the same people and she lives about an hour and a half from me so we’ll meet for lunch halfway sometime soon. Susan lost her husband and her daughter within 56 days of each other…horrifying. She tweeted this picture a few days ago and it just spoke to me.
\nI’ve been putting off copying and transferring my early posts from this FB page over to my website because I can only do it for short stretches of time. It makes me dive back into the early weeks/months/years of this journey and it stirs up a lot of pain. Yesterday, I got to the post where I told you I was dating someone. I read what I wrote back then and rolled my eyes. Quote: “Now that I’m over my grief…” What??? I was six months out. As I read that, I thought…Nope, that has to go. I don’t want that in my blog. But I cannot rewrite history. I told you all from the beginning I was going to be brutally honest and tell you what I was going through on this hellish roller coaster and by golly…it doesn’t get much uglier than watching someone put a bandaid on their grief and date someone WAY too soon. Well, yes it does….when the bandaid gets yanked back off. That was pretty brutal.
\nAnyway, I own everything that has happened to me so I’m telling my stories. Sometimes they embarrass ME…that I could have been so blind, so naive, so stupid. But…I was none of those things. I was grieving. And for that, I give myself a pass. ❤️
\n“Is not wisdom found among the aged? Does not long life bring understanding?”\nJob 12:12 NIV
\n", "date_published": "2018-03-17T01:30:07-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/03/17/own-your-experiences.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Positive Energy"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/03/13/calming-the-waters.html", "title": "Calming the Waters", "content_html": "![\"Calm](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/90d2796b7a.jpg\")
“Psalm 107:29 …the waves of the sea were hushed”
I woke up yesterday after a fitful night. I didn’t close my eyes till 3:30 in the morning…ruminating. That’s what my brain does WAY too often. Good reason this time, though. I awoke and the first thought was…this is the day. It’s here. How do I feel?
\nI felt…ok. Not up, but not down. Just…there.
\nI did my devotional. I read your kind and supportive comments. And I started my day. Mr. FixIt asked if I wanted to go to town with him, but I told him I really just wanted to stay home. A little self care was in order. I spoke with people yesterday I hadn’t talked to in years. People reached out to me. I got a ton of virtual hugs. And a bunch of real live ones. It was good.
\nI love how God answers prayers. He stilled the waters of my soul and filled me with peace yesterday. I puttered in the kitchen and made pot roast…one of my go to comfort foods. After dinner, Mr. FixIt and I watched The Voice…one of my go to comfort activities. I ended the day with a phone call with my sister-in-law, Robyn…one of my go to, all-time favorite people. It was a peaceful day.
\nThe other day, I was reviewing my social media accounts. I just don’t reach people other than word of mouth. The word “grief” is not in the name of my blog and while grief is not my only topic, it is still a big part of what goes on here…at least in the archives and when the waves come. When I created my Twitter account, Marshmallow Ranch had too many letters to go in the name so I abbreviated it making it even harder to find. I sat back and thought about it a while and suddenly a name popped in my head. “The Grief Maven”. Maven is Yiddish for expert and while not all people know the origins, enough people have an understanding of the urban definition, however tangentially. I created a Twitter account…@griefmaven…and started just putting out some memes I created with stuff I share about grief here. In one week I’ve had more activity than all the five years of the other account. A lesson learned in social media marketing.
\nI posted a tweet yesterday about it being the five year angelversary and within an hour I met two other widows who lost their husbands within a couple of weeks on either side of me. I love that. People I never would have had the opportunity to meet come together because of this blog. God stuff…very cool.
\nSo, I ended my day in a good space. The waters were stilled and I’m ready to see what good things come next. ❤
\n“He stilled the storm to a whisper; the waves of the sea were hushed.”\nPsalm 107:29 NIV
\n", "date_published": "2018-03-13T01:30:29-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/03/13/calming-the-waters.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Comfort","Grace","Peace","Wisdom"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/03/12/peace-be-still.html", "title": "Peace Be Still", "content_html": "![\"Peace](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/5e664ab1f3.jpg\")
“Peace Be Still - The Belonging Co”
The pain of new grief is nearly indescribable. It takes physical form in your body keeping you from drawing a deep breath or sleeping or eating. Like an amputee, you have had half of your heart removed and you don’t know how to live like that. It was brutal. Wave after wave of grief crashed over me with no time for a breath in between. I felt I would surely drown. I was numb. I couldn’t retain information. I couldn’t watch a movie or read a book.
\nAfter a couple of years the waves were a little less forceful, a little less often. But the memory of the pain filled me with fear. What if it came back? What if it never stops? I wasn’t sure I wanted to live like that forever. I wasn’t sure I COULD. As soon as I began to feel a wave coming I panicked. There were so many nights I lay awake…all night long. I can’t tell you how many nights I was up throwing up all night. It was so incredibly painful.
\nThrough my writing I found an outlet for the pain. Through my faith I found an outlet for my fear. Last week I let some of that fear slip back in as I anticipated today. Five years gone. How can that be? I’ve knitted together a totally different life now. He’s been gone almost as long as we were married. I can’t smell his skin anymore, yet I can describe my memory of it. I can’t see his hands anymore, yet I can describe how they felt when he guided me to a table in a restaurant. That was my biggest fear…forgetting. Time twists our memories and they fade. And that made me sad…again.
\nPeace Be Still. This song lifted me all weekend. The worship team at our church played it Friday night at the women’s conference and it stuck with me all weekend. They played it again in church yesterday. I downloaded it in the lobby on my way out and played it over and over yesterday as I browsed through photographic memories of Mr. Virgo and me.
\nThe first line speaks to me. “I don’t want to be afraid every time I face the waves.” After the chorus…”I’m not gonna be afraid ‘cause these waves are only waves.” In acute grief when I was physically mourning, the waves were urgent and overwhelming. When it got to the point I was fearing the waves, I had to remind myself I had survived them 100% of the time up to that point.
\nMy favorite line of the song comes later.
\n“Peace be still\nYou are here so it is well\nEven when my eyes can’t see\nI will trust the voice that speaks\nPeace, Peace\nOver me”
\nI made a conscious decision yesterday. I’ve decided to celebrate Mr. Virgo’s birthday as my day of remembrance of him. That day is associated with happy thoughts. I think focusing on the sad days is keeping me in that sad place over and over and over and maybe that isn’t as helpful as it used to be. It’s an evolution of grief…looking forward since that’s the direction I’m going. That doesn’t mean I won’t remember or feel sad. It doesn’t mean I won’t have waves on occasion. I’m all about feeling my feelings. I’m also a proponent of letting go and letting God work in me.
\nAnyway…as much as I hate the phrase “it is what it is”, there’s truth in that. I can’t change anything about what today is, but I can change my focus. I feel SO much better than I did late last week. I’ll do what I always do…put one foot in front of the other, lift my head up, and keep moving forward. ❤
\n\n“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”\nMatthew 6:34 NIV
\n\n", "date_published": "2018-03-12T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/03/12/peace-be-still.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Grief","Growth","Grace"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/03/11/god-always-knows.html", "title": "God Always Knows", "content_html": "
![\"Lewis](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/4bcfdd744f.jpg\")
“Lewis Cemetery”
As I’m sure you can tell, I’ve been dreading the fifth angelversary of Mr. Virgo’s death tomorrow. I’ve been really struggling the last week…to the point one of my dear friends contacted me yesterday to see how I was doing. Actually, by yesterday morning I was feeling much better, but I still felt something was missing. I couldn’t put my finger on it. Then a chain of events happened that directed my day and by last night I was lifted back up and set on solid ground. Here’s how it went down.
\nFirst, I slept a solid ten hours and awoke feeling refreshed. I’m not a terrific sleeper as a rule, but I slept like a stone. Mr. FixIt informed me a neighbor passed away and he needed to go to the funeral home. I assumed he would go without me, and quite frankly I didn’t think going to a funeral home when I was feeling down about my own loss was such a terrific idea. Then, he asked me if I wanted to go. We were at a funeral last weekend. Here, we were just going to the viewing. I didn’t know anyone, but something told me I should just go…so I dressed and went along.
\nI was introduced around to the family. I hugged the widow and spoke quietly with her for a bit, offering what comfort a stranger (yet a fellow widow) could give. I stood at the coffin, thinking the horrible memories of five years ago would come crashing on my head at any moment…but they did not. Instead of seeing Mr. Virgo in his casket, I saw a man who was very much missed by his best friend and my heart went out to her. I felt honored to be there and not sick or devastated. My dread started to dissipate.
\nWe ran home to change and Mr. FixIt asked what I wanted to do. I told him I wanted to run over to the cemetery where my great grandfather is buried. I hadn’t been there since I was a teenager and I wanted to see if there were any other family members from my tree buried there. So, from the funeral home to a cemetery. What could go wrong?
\nThe day was brisk but sunny. As we drove out the two lane blacktop, we passed a field and I did a double take. There, standing in the middle of a pasture, was a young man…high school age, perhaps…with a music stand playing a trombone! The sight was so incongruous Mr. FixIt and I both burst out laughing. The cemetery was around the next bend and as we walked among the tombstones, the timbre of the trombone wafted gently on the breeze over the far ridge. I could not help but smile, feeling God was sending me a sweet gift.
\nThe cemetery was a sight when we arrived. All of the flower containers had been knocked over, flowers strewn among the graves, flags honoring fallen soldiers laying on the ground…some half covered with leaves. We were preparing to leave when I turned and said, “I can’t leave them like this.” So, we walked around, straightening up, calling the dead ones by name. I remember so often going to visit Mr. Virgo’s grave across the road from our house in Colorado. I laid stones around the perimeter…one stone from every trip I took. I realized one of the things I was missing…and hurting over…was not being able to visit Mr. Virgo’s grave tomorrow. Instead, God lead me to visit an ancestor I never knew. Again…the feeling of dread lifted more.
\nWe were so close to the farm, we decided to go on out. Whenever I am feeling down, that farm is my panacea. I fed the kitties and walked through the rooms…touching the furniture, the doors, my grandparents bed. I walked around the house and checked on my ‘67 Franklin camper…”Joy”. I turned to Mr. FixIt.
\n“Can we take her over to your place soon and start working on her?” I asked hopefully.
\n“You bet we can.” Mr. FixIt smiled and gave me a big hug.
\nLift, lift, lift.
\nWe stopped and visited my cousin’s wife at her barn. She was feeding the chickens and the big white rabbit named Isabella.
\nLift, lift, lift.
\nWe drove to town and had supper at my favorite diner.
\nLift, lift, lift.
\nWe came home and I sat down to write. My dear friend who had been so concerned about me yesterday morning called and asked if I felt better after my drive. I really did! You know…every year is going to be another year since Mr. Virgo died. There will be times of sorrow. There will be reminders and waves of grief. I know I have the added blessing of having Mr. FixIt in my life. His heart is big enough to hold me AND Mr. Virgo. Such a good, good man. Letting go and letting God lift me up was the solution all along. There’s nothing God and a little sunshine can’t fix! ❤
\n“Arise, shine, for your light has come, and the glory of the Lord has risen upon you. For behold, darkness shall cover the earth, and thick darkness the peoples; but the Lord will arise upon you, and his glory will be seen upon you.”\nIsaiah 60:1-2 ESV
\n\n", "date_published": "2018-03-11T01:30:21-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/03/11/god-always-knows.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Positive Energy","West Virginia","The Farm","Grace","Wisdom","Presence"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/03/07/gratitude.html", "title": "Gratitude", "content_html": "
![\"Charm](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/875c33b0af.jpg\")
“My charm blessed by Pope John Paul”
I want to thank all of you for your prayers yesterday. I felt wrapped in love and light when it was time for the phone call with the acquisitions editor. I was well prepared beforehand. I had carefully researched the publisher. I had reviewed the two books they sent ahead of time. I spent some time in quiet meditation beforehand. And then I asked God to give me any last words before I “headed into the interview”. I believe the Bible is a living word and I often ask God to speak to me through it. I opened my Bible app and picked a “totally random” verse. This is what I got.
\n“I am not commanding you, but I want to test the sincerity of your love by comparing it with the earnestness of others. For you know the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, that though he was rich, yet for your sake he became poor, so that you through his poverty might become rich. And here is my judgment about what is best for you in this matter. Last year you were the first not only to give but also to have the desire to do so. Now finish the work, so that your eager willingness to do it may be matched by your completion of it, according to your means. For if the willingness is there, the gift is acceptable according to what one has, not according to what one does not have. Our desire is not that others might be relieved while you are hard pressed, but that there might be equality. At the present time your plenty will supply what they need, so that in turn their plenty will supply what you need. The goal is equality,”\n2 Corinthians 8:8-14 NIV
\nMy jaw dropped. It was perfect.
\nTh conversation went well. The editor told me what they were looking for. She asked me questions. She asked if I had questions. I asked a few then told her the only thing that bothered me was the caveat “without religion”. She has read my work and knows I am faith based. She explained they did not want to represent a single denomination. They understand that grief is decidedly spiritual and she would expect my writing to reflect my faith.
\nBoom.
\nIt was that easy. Maybe I put too much emphasis on that one sentence and got myself all worked up for nothing. But, maybe…just maybe that was a test. Maybe God wanted to test the sincerity of my love.
\nI’ve done my part. I’ve answered the questions. They know my work. They have interviewed other writers and will make their decision next week. I’ll let you know when I know. Thank you again for all your prayers and kind words. Y’all are the best! ❤️
\n\n", "date_published": "2018-03-07T02:30:03-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/03/07/gratitude.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Gratitude","God","Humbled"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/03/05/a-simple-ceremony.html", "title": "A Simple Ceremony", "content_html": "
![\"Fiddle\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/d6aa0c3c48.jpg\")
\nMr. FixIt and I went to a simple country funeral yesterday. My cousin’s wife lost her mom Friday after a brief but courageous fight with cancer. We went to the early service at church yesterday so we could make it to the funeral in time as it was an hour and a half away. It is a testimony to the impact of a person’s life when the line to get into the funeral stretches long outside the building.
\nWe chatted with the folks as we waited to pay our respects to the family and be seated. Mr. FixIt is SO like me…we neither one know a stranger. By the time we got in the door we were on a first name basis with half the folks in line. There were flowers everywhere. There were quilts and statues, plaques and potted plants, lanterns and birdhouses. There were two whole tables filled with photos of the deceased and her family. I greeted several of my cousins who were there and I hugged my sweet sister/friend then found seats.
\nTwo pastors led the funeral service. One led the opening prayer. A quartet consisting of three guitars and a fiddle played “Amazing Grace”, “A Purple Robe”, and “Will the Circle be Unbroken”. The music was halting and sweet in its simplicity. Bev was a strong Christian woman, raised on a ridge two miles up a holler from the nearest paved road. Her parents walked or rode horseback to take their children to church twice a week. She instilled that same faith in her own large family and it shows. Her children, grandchildren and great grandchildren gathered to celebrate this humble woman’s life and I was honored to be there.
\nThe pastor who led the funeral service was a little bitty thing when Bev and Ray started courting. The pastor said the young couple would come and pick him up and take him along with them on their dates…as a sort of pseudo chaperone. Two years later, Bev and Ray married and began to raise their own family. She died just a few days before their 57th wedding anniversary. It was heartbreaking to hear Ray weep. He has never spent much time away from his bride so this is going to be a terrible adjustment for him. As we went through the receiving line after the service, I sat down beside him and gave him a big hug.
\n“Ray…I don’t know you and you don’t know me but, I’m Rick’s cousin and Charlotte’s friend. I’m so sorry for your loss. I kind of know what you’re going through because I lost my husband five years ago. I know this is really hard for you, and I know you can’t believe this right now, but you’re going to get through this. There’s a whole lot of people praying for you and they’re going to be there to love on you. Now, as soon as the dust settles a bit, Charlotte and I are going to drive down and you and I are going to sit on the front porch for a spell and have us some sweet tea and we’re just gonna talk. Does that sound ok?”
\nRay said he didn’t know how he was going to make it through but to just come on down anytime. He’d love to see me.
\nSo, Ray and I have a date to talk in a few weeks. I don’t know what it’s like to lose the only person I’ve ever loved for nearly 60 years. But I do know what it’s like to lose someone I loved more than life itself, so I think we have some common ground there. I’ll let you know how it goes.
\nA simple country funeral. Nothing fancy. Folks dressed in jeans. Folks dressed in their Sunday best. All gathered to celebrate a life well lived. What better way to honor a mom? ❤
\n“From the ends of the earth I call to you, I call as my heart grows faint; lead me to the rock that is higher than I.”\nPsalm 61:2 NIV
\n\n", "date_published": "2018-03-05T02:30:13-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/03/05/a-simple-ceremony.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Grief"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/03/04/endings-and-beginnings.html", "title": "Endings and Beginnings", "content_html": "
![\"Daffodils](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/e46bde4e19.jpg\")
Daffodils
I watched my husband die. It was fast. It seemed relatively painless. Not pain free, but not unbearable. He seemed to take everything in stride with a certain…resignation. Like he knew what was coming, so why fight it? Interestingly…it was like that for me too, looking back on it. I’m sure I was in shock, because every time I ever pictured what would happen if/when he died, it certainly wasn’t with me sitting on a stool in the corner of the room answering medical questions in a flat monotone. I wasn’t beating my chest or screaming or even crying. I don’t remember crying till I saw my kids.
\nAs hard as that was to go through, I cannot…simply cannot imagine what people go through who lose their loved one to a terrible, slow, painful death like cancer or COPD or Alzheimer’s. My cousin’s wife came over Friday after making arrangements for her mother’s funeral. Her mom had esophageal cancer. We sat together and I listened to her tell me about the last six months. The long nights. The conflicting medical information. The radiation and chemo. When she got to the night of her mother’s death, I was in such awe of her strength and courage. What she went through for her mom was heroic in my book. What I loved most was when her mom motioned to her, as if she needed to tell her something. When she bent down to listen, her mother kissed her on the cheek and took her last breath. My mother died alone in an ICU because I couldn’t get to her in time. She got a kiss on the cheek! I loved that for her because she will never, ever forget that loving gesture.
\n![\"Crocus\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/149cf13a2d.jpg\")
Crocus
Real death isn’t like the movies. Sometimes it’s that peaceful scene where the family gathers around and tells their loved one how important they were in their lives and how much they loved them. Sometimes there’s soft music and candlelight and kisses on cheeks. And sometimes they stop CPR after three hours and tell you they’re sorry. Is one way “better” than the other? Is there such a thing as a “good death”. I think there is, but it’s not always possible because death isn’t predictable. It isn’t a script.
\n![\"Crocus](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/1472409e31.jpg\")
Crocus in the Spring
Someone I love very much is dying. Not actively as in it’s imminent. But it’s coming. Everyone knows it’s coming. I love him and his entire family. For the last five years I have written a daily essay, much of it about grief. And when I talk with his wife, I feel woefully inadequate. I haven’t gone through that kind of death. I haven’t had to know it was coming for three years and fight the good fight and be strong and courageous and lose anyway. What do I say to her? How can I best serve her? I had no idea…so I asked. I told her how sorry I was that it was coming to this. I told her how much I love them both. I told her I knew she must be scared. And, I told her I was at a loss as to how best to help her. Then I asked her to tell me exactly what would help her the most right now. She said to pray. Pray for strength and courage for her. That I can do…in spades.
\n![\"Daffodils](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/c0439e8175.jpg\")
Daffodils in the Ditch
Grief is something that touches all of us. If it hasn’t touched you yet, it will. Mr. FixIt and I were talking about it yesterday. After losing Mr. Virgo, I’ve gone and done the one thing I SWORE I would never, ever do again. I gave my heart away to love again…with wild abandon…knowing full well what it feels like to lose. That is either absolutely crazy or the absolute evidence that God can carry you through anything. I could lose this man tomorrow. Or next week or next year or thirty years from now. Or…I could be the first to go, who knows? I’m glad we don’t know exactly when we will die. It doesn’t pay to dwell on it…but we can’t deny it either. If there is an upside…and that is truly a stretch to even call it that…it’s having the time to say goodbye, to express everything you wanted to say, to make arrangements, to learn how to do the things your partner did, and to give them the gift of your service in their transition. As Ram Dass, says…”We are all just walking each other home.” ❤️
\n“For here we do not have an enduring city, but we are looking for the city that is to come.”\nHebrews 13:14 NIV
\n\n", "date_published": "2018-03-04T02:30:19-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/03/04/endings-and-beginnings.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Positive Energy","Comfort","Peace","Wisdom","Aging","Presence"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/02/21/a-taste-of-spring.html", "title": "A Taste of Spring", "content_html": "
![\"Burger](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/5f6cd6bc8f.jpg\")
“Burger al Fresco”
One of the upsides of Facebook memories is documented progress. One of my readers shared a post yesterday that I wrote a year ago. I was declaring how gorgeous spring is in West Virginia. I observed the earth coming back to life, the shoots of spring bulbs exploding from the moist soil, the greening up of the world. I spoke of all the new babies being born in the fields surrounding the farm. And I talked about budding romances and how I was ready to try again. And here I am…a year later and in a relationship with a wonderful man. He is a constant reminder of how good God is to me.
\nWe awoke yesterday to the most gorgeous of early spring days. I had a dream. I don’t remember my dreams like I used to before Mr. Virgo died. And I seldom dream of him. I dreamt I was supposed to send Mr. Virgo a text every day with a scripture in it. Suddenly, he stopped responding to my texts. I looked everywhere for him. I asked everyone if they had seen him and they just stared blankly back at me. Six months went by and then a year, then three. No word. Then, out of the blue, someone told me he had “moved on”. I felt confused. Did he move on as in, he left me for someone else? When I was fully awake, I realized what “moved on” really meant. I had an instant wave of the creepy crawlies on the backs of my arms, then it went away and I was fine. Grief visits fleetingly sometimes…like a sparrow flitting in the brush just out of view.
\nThe temperature got up over 80 degrees. We had coffee by the pool and then headed to the farm. We cleaned inside and out. Mr. FixIt filled the bird feeders. I changed the spotlight on the three story barn. We stopped at the neighborhood grocer and bought a pound of fresh ground hamburger and sliced longhorn cheese. When we got home, we took the grill from the garage and put it on the deck by the pool and grilled burgers outside. It was sheer heaven to sit out in shorts and enjoy the evening.
\nSome days get burned in your memory to keep for all time. That was yesterday. There were a lot of trees down from the saturated soil and the brisk winds earlier in the day. Baby calves lay in the muddy fields by their mamas. A cardinal sang in the forsythia bush by the side gate. Mr. FixIt took the drone he got for Christmas and went outside to “play” after supper. I heard a tree fall in the woods beyond the field. A rooster crowed in the distance. Neighbors waved as they passed by. My heart felt full and ached with the beauty of it all. Jesus promised he would make all things new one day. Spring is his way of giving us a taste of things to come.
\nI am all too aware of how fragile this life is. It could be gone tomorrow. So I practice my word of the year and stay present. And I thank God for every moment. ❤️
\n“He who was seated on the throne said, “I am making everything new!” Then he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.””\nRevelation 21:5 NIV
\n\n", "date_published": "2018-02-21T02:30:19-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/02/21/a-taste-of-spring.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Hope","Positive Energy","West Virginia","The Farm","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","Love","Peace","Wisdom"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/02/20/an-open-letter-to-the.html", "title": "An Open Letter to the Shooter", "content_html": "
![\"iPad](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/f39fce6a0d.jpg\")
“Writing in TOW-Wanda”
While the world recoils in horror at the havoc you have wrought, I want you to know something. I have tears for the terribly tragic loss of these beautiful people you have cut down who will never have the opportunity to reach their potential. But, believe it or not, I have tears for you, too. While those parents prepare to lay their babies to rest, I wonder if there’s anyone there for you. Because I have a feeling there hasn’t been…probably for a very, very long time.
\nI don’t know you. We are just beginning to get some details about who you are. I know you were adopted. I know your adopted father died several years ago and your adopted mother died in November. Your teachers tried to help from as far back as sixth grade. I heard the impassioned speech one of your former classmates made. She said they always knew there was something wrong.
\nI don’t know your whole story. I know you were adopted as an infant. But, I’d be willing to bet any amount of money that you were quiet and shy as a young child. Awkward. You didn’t fit in. You were bullied. You were never picked to be on the team. You were labeled as that weird kid. You didn’t get invited to birthday parties and sleepovers. You were lonely, sad, depressed and isolated, I can just about guarantee that. And you were angry. You lashed out with little self control.
\nDid you ever have someone to hold you and rock you and tell you how much you were loved? Did you have someone to take you to church and teach you about how much Jesus loves you? You had mental health issues and teachers tried and tried tried to help. But you somehow fell through the cracks.
\nI know this isn’t going to be the most popular post right now because moms and dads are putting their children in the ground as we speak. People are angry. People are crying out for change and somehow there needs to be change. If you never had access to those guns while you were in such pain, I can pretty much guarantee there would be seventeen families enjoying each other’s company tonight instead of trying to figure out how to keep on living. I don’t know how we could have prevented this tragedy but we as a nation need to figure it out. Now…before it happens again. Because…it WILL happen again.
\nWhile I cry for those who are in pain tonight, I shed tears for you as well. I’m so sorry you felt this was your only way to be heard. I’m sorry you didn’t get the help you needed. I’m sorry you didn’t know how to find your way back from the abyss. I’m sorry you lost hope. I know you are broken, and you will never walk free in the sunshine again. You won’t get married and have babies and vacations and grow old in a job you love and look forward to retirement. This is the price you will pay for the choices you made. There’s nothing that can be done about that. But I want you to know something….and this I know beyond a shadow of a doubt.
\nGod loves you.
\nGod STILL loves you. And so do I. You wanna know why? Because the God I know loves ALL of his children…equally. He loves you exactly the same way as he loves me and your mom and the policemen who captured you and your attorney and the judge and all the moms and dads and students of that school in Florida. Who can you think of that’s really, really good? The Pope? Mother Teresa? Billy Graham? Joel Osteen? Our Father in heaven doesn’t love you one bit less than he loves them. God hates the sin…but he loves the sinner.
\nThat doesn’t mean you won’t be judged. You will…by the court of man and the court of God. But you can be forgiven. If you haven’t already, you can ask Jesus into your life and I promise you will never be alone again. You will always have someone who loves you. So, while I pray for those families your actions shattered, I will also be praying for you. I will pray that you seek shelter with God. I will pray that you get the help you need. I pray that you will talk to God every hour, every day, for the rest of your life.
\nA spirit of forgiveness is a noble thing. I hope those to whom you transgressed will someday find it in their hearts to forgive you. For their own benefit as much as anything. It is the hardest thing to wrap our minds around when some sins seem so much worse than others. God’s heart is broken over this, yet he still loves you. Always has, always will. ❤
\n“You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Since we have now been justified by his blood, how much more shall we be saved from God’s wrath through him! For if, while we were God’s enemies, we were reconciled to him through the death of his Son, how much more, having been reconciled, shall we be saved through his life! Not only is this so, but we also boast in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.”\nRomans 5:6-11 NIV
\n", "date_published": "2018-02-20T02:30:16-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/02/20/an-open-letter-to-the.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Hope","Grace","Love","God","Wisdom","Forgiveness"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/02/18/the-mountain.html", "title": "The Mountain", "content_html": "![\"Sunrise](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/5157c752d5.jpg\")
“My Hope is in You Alone” - MercyMe
I was writing last night and listening to a channel on Amazon Music called “Relaxing Christian Music”. MercyMe came on and sang “Even If You Don’t”. It’s about those times when your faith is challenged by the hardships you face in life. It made me think of the losses so many are facing. There are seventeen mothers and fathers preparing to lay their children to rest this week. It is easy to ask questions like, “Where was God during all this?” “How can God let bad things happen to innocent people…especially children?”
\nLife can be really difficult. It can be filled with challenges and unfulfilled dreams. Disappointments. Hurts. Horrors. And…it can be filled with absolutely unmovable mountains.
\nIt’s easier to maintain our faith when the skies are sunny and life is good. When we are knee deep in blessings and goodness rains down on us like a spring shower, we’re good. But…what happens when the darkness comes? How do we maintain our faith when God seems to have abandoned us and is far, far away?
\nGod is capable of all things. I know he can do anything. I’ve seen him do it. When I was a little girl and I sat at my grandma’s knee, I asked her how she knew Jesus was who he said he was. How did she know he really walked on water? She smiled knowingly and patted my hand. “You just have to have faith, pet.” she said in her wise grandma way. It took me most of my life to absorb that…and to believe it.
\nFaith.
\nWhat is faith? The Bible tells us faith is the “substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” The substance of my hope is a loving God who can move mountains. The evidence of things not seen is when he refuses and I still believe in him.
\nSometimes God refuses to move the mountain that is in your way because that mountain is in HIS plan…not yours. My biggest mountain was losing Mr. Virgo. God knew that could shake my faith. So he let me see something. He let me see the essence of my husband’s spirit as it left his body. I was forever changed. Not only by the loss itself, but by the certainty that we go someplace else when we die, we are not alone and there is a power far greater than me at work in the world. That power…to me…is God. I will not understand the whys until I get where I am going…but I know the WHO.
\nThis has been a difficult year so far. There has been so much loss in the world. So many unmovable mountains. When I face these times, I find leaning into God and trusting him is the only way to get through it.
\nHe CAN move mountains. And…sometimes he chooses not to. It is the pure essence of faith when you can still believe in God when you have trouble seeing the evidence of his existence.
\nMy HOPE is in him…even when he doesn’t answer.
\nMercyMe - Even If You Don’t\nhttps://youtu.be/B6fA35Ved-Y
\n“Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.”\nHebrews 11:1 KJV
\n\n", "date_published": "2018-02-18T02:30:26-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/02/18/the-mountain.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Presence"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/02/16/staying-present.html", "title": "Staying Present", "content_html": "
![\"Feather](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/10f61fb2bb.jpg\")
”My burdens are light as a feather because God carries them for me.”
I love Uma Girish. Uma is a Grief Guide…one who helps others walk their path with valuable tools she gives them along the way. Uma wrote a post about mindfulness that I wanted to share with you. We talk about mindfulness here a lot. My word of the year is “presence”. I practice mindfulness frequently. I sure wish I could say I practice it all the time, but my monkey brain kicks in and takes me on wild tangents. I get lost in the weeds. Then, Spirit sends me something…a message, a person, a hint. Yesterday…I was sent back to Uma.
\nI have to admit…I’m struggling a little bit right now. I’ve been trying to put my finger on it and it’s a slippery little sucker. Is it this sinus infection I’m battling? Is it Seasonal Affective Disorder? Is it missing my family in Colorado? Is it the state of our world, politically…morally…naturally? Is it the horrific tragedies that seem to be around every corner these days? The answer is yes…all of the above.
\nAnd…it is grief.
\nGrief. That ever-present underground river that flows just under my heart. I’m counting down now to the five year anniversary of Mr. Virgo’s death. Five years. We were married just three weeks shy of six. We knew each other for seven and a half. I’m getting to the point where I’ve been without him as long as I had him. And it still hurts. I have this wonderful new man in my life who I’m over the moon in love with. And it still hurts. I’ve been incredibly blessed with this blog and the opportunities it has given me. And it still hurts. I have everything I need and then some. And. It. Still. Hurts.
\nYesterday morning I was flailing. I laid in bed with my cell phone, playing a game of solitaire. My stomach churned from the antibiotics I started the night before. My ears still had fluid in them and it sounded like someone wadding up a potato chip bag every time I swallowed. It’s been raining and dreary for several days. All I wanted to do was pull the covers over my head and stay there the rest of my life. That is where I put my mindfulness. Up on a shelf…out of reach.
\nI forced myself to get up…get dressed…pull the covers up on the bed. I made myself eat toast and tea. Gratefully, Mr. FixIt turned off the television so I didn’t have to see any more of the horrible news out of Florida. I took my tea to the sofa just as the sun peeked out of the clouds for the first time this week. I snuggled down into my “nest” and opened my iPad to check my email. And there was Uma’s newsletter. Her topic of the day? Mindfulness. I laughed. Sometimes God gently walks up beside me and says…really loud…LISTEN!
\nI did as Uma suggested…as I’ve done hundreds of times…as I’ve shared with you. I sat still. I closed my eyes. I stopped multitasking and just listened. I felt the sofa under me, cradling my body. I felt the lap desk on my thighs. I paid attention to my breath and my pain. I listened to my heart breaking again. It’s nothing like it was in the beginning. It has morphed and changed, waxed and waned. It’s just a current of energy that mixes with all the other currents in my world. Sometimes the rheostat gets cranked up a little higher, that’s all. Holidays. Birthdays. Angelversaries. Bluebirds. Cigars. I never know what will set it off or when. But I can become mindful…present…still. I can center myself and deal with the one thing and not the everything at once thing.
\nThank you, Uma…for reminding us to stop and listen and center ourselves before we head down the rabbit hole. As the sun sent last night and I heard the spring peepers, I felt the axis shift and I’m much, much better. ❤
\n“Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth.”\nColossians 3:2 ESV
\n\n\n", "date_published": "2018-02-16T02:30:13-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/02/16/staying-present.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Grace","God","Wisdom","Presence"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/02/15/another-horror-story.html", "title": "Another Horror Story", "content_html": "
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/061cfe799e.jpg\")
\n(*Edited: I must admit, I took the number 18 and ran with is as it was the lead in a number of online stories. That number was promoted by a group intending to imply there had been 18 mass shootings in schools during the first 7 weeks of 2018. This, of course, is not true. There have been 18 incidents where guns have been used on school grounds, including shots fired through windows and suicides both in and on school grounds…one at a former school. Ok, statistics are what they are and I know they can be manipulated for various purposes. My point remains the same. If there had been ONE school shooting, that is one too many. Thank you, Nancy, for bringing that to my attention.)
\nEighteen. Eighteen school shootings this year…and it’s only the 7th week of 2018. How many more? How many more mothers and fathers have to lay their children to rest when all they did was send them off to school to learn? How many more children have to be permanently changed…traumatized by sights and sounds young children should never hear? How many more teachers and administrators have to come up with answers to those left behind and find some way to keep teaching and helping? How many more???
\nI walked into the grade school to do my volunteer reading shift the day of Columbine. I sat in the school library and tried to distract a room full of elementary school students away from the TV relaying a live broadcast of children running for cover. I held my youngest that night and tried to explain to her about bad people and why she shouldn’t be scared to go to school the next day. All while trying to remain calm enough to talk to her without losing my sh*t.
\nI cannot tell you show scared I am of this. My older daughter is a high school special needs teacher. My two grandchildren are in grade and middle school…all in a suburb of Denver. I worry every single day that something like this might happen to them. I can’t imagine the horror these families, staff, and fellow students are going through. I have no words.
\nWhat is the answer? How do we keep this from happening over and over and over? There are SO many factors at play here. The issue of gun control is a hot topic. I believe in our right to bear arms. I have a couple of guns for protection and have taken classes for proficiency. I have a conceal carry permit. I am a responsible gun owner. I keep them locked up and away when my grandchildren are around. Still, I think there has to be some way to make it more difficult for citizens to get guns and stock up on enough guns and ammo to armor the 101st Airborne. The debate is heated and there’s no easy answer that will satisfy everyone.
\nWhat about video games? Have you seen some of these these things? OMGosh! They are horrific! They are realistic depictions of murder and mayhem on a grand scale, putting you “in the driver’s seat”, so to speak. You can gun down people with all the blood and gore that accompanies such an activity without leaving the comfort of your recliner. Children’s minds are not fully developed. When they are subjected to such violence with no repercussions, is it such a difficult thing to think some of them who aren’t in touch with reality may seek the thrill in real time?
\nHow about parenting? Ever since Dr. Spock told us spanking little Johnny would damage his psyche, we have been raising little prima donnas who think the world owes them something simply because they showed up. These are the generations that gives everyone a trophy. Don’t get me wrong…I am not a proponent of child abuse. There is no justification for bullying. But, too many parents plug their kids into an electronic baby sitter in the form of a smart phone or an iPad then wonder why they aren’t connecting to their fellow human beings in meaningful ways.
\nWhat about God? Does he care? Is he listening? Have we used his name in vain so much that he’s tone deaf? Have we said, “We don’t need God in our business” one too many times? I imagine God is weeping today for the unimaginable loss and the complete evil of such things as school shootings.
\nI don’t have the answers. I wish I did. I do know this…the only way out of this is through love, light, prayer, thoughtful discussion, responsible legislation, and courage to stand up to those who allow guns to get into the hands of madmen. Something has to be done…and soon…before we lose one more innocent. My heart is breaking. No one should lay their babies in the ground for this.
\nHeavenly Father, I come to you today with thanksgiving for your steadfast love for us, your children. I ask you to wrap your loving arms around the families struck down by the violence in our schools…not just this year, but in all years. Please, Lord…give our parents the courage to do what they must in laying their children to rest. Give our children kind and loving hearts and a conscience so that such unspeakable horrors are never considered a valid way to reconcile differences. Give our teachers the strength and courage to face each new day when they are faced with seemingly insurmountable challenges. Give our leaders the wisdom and courage to stand up and do what’s right to protect our children. Lord, we know you ultimately win this battle against evil. Please walk with your hand over us and keep evil far from us. Amen ?
\nFor a view on the NRA proposal to arm teachers: https://www.facebook.com/UTLAnow/videos/1956126557742129/
\n““I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.””\nJohn 16:33 NIV
\n\n", "date_published": "2018-02-15T02:30:01-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/02/15/another-horror-story.html", "tags": ["Grief","Prayer","God"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/02/08/when-things-get-scary.html", "title": "When Things Get Scary", "content_html": "
![\"Stock](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/43214984e4.jpg\")
“Stock Market”
Disclaimer: I do not give financial advice. This essay only expresses my feelings.
\nPersonal wealth is a matter of comparison. If you compare my financial picture to a goat herder in the Sahara Desert, I am a multimillionaire. If you compare me to a member of the Fortune 500, I am poor as a church mouse. It’s all relative. But what I do have, I want to protect and watch over carefully.
\nI have spent my whole life deferring all this nasty talk of money to the man in my life. Not because I am incapable of understanding the intricacies of a budget, but because any marital discord I have ever experienced in my life has had something to do with money. Usually with him making it and me spending too much of it. My parents fought over money constantly. Frankly, money…or the lack thereof…scared the heck out of me. So, I avoided talking about it.
\nThen, Mr. Virgo up and died on me and left me to learn a lifetime of money management skills I simply did not possess. The first thing I did the week after the funeral was to switch to a financial advisor who specializes in women in transition…ie widows or divorcees. Danielle Howard was recommended to me by a fellow widow friend who was kind enough to help me set up and meet with her for the first time.
\nDanielle offers two lanes in her financial planning…secular and Christian. I was intrigued. The Christian approach teaches you to be a good steward of what God has provided for you. That’s the route I went with. I met with Danielle frequently at first because there was so much to learn. I wasn’t confident in my decision making skills at all. Danielle was patient, understanding, and nonjudgmental when I made SO many mistakes in the first two or three years after Mr. Virgo died.
\nI was told, “Watch your money.” “Don’t make any big financial decisions in the first year.” “Resist the urge to be overly generous.” But did I listen? Not very well. I tried to fill that hole in my heart with travel and shopping and generosity. Then I woke up and realized, I had to be MUCH more careful or I was going to run out of money.
\nThe Stock Market is probably the singularly scariest entity in my life. I am convinced it is the Devil’s spawn. This last year has been wonderful because I could breathe and not worry about losing what little bit of money I have invested. It’s been a banner year for stocks. Then…the “Big Bang” hit late last week and early this week. When the market fell 1500 points on Monday, I panicked. I called Danielle and left a voice mail telling her I was totally freaking out and could she kindly call me back as soon as possible.
\nThen I fixed a cup of tea. I mean, what else could I do, right? Tea…and wait. Visions of selling pencils from a cup on the street corner started to float in front of me and my heart raced. Crazy…I know. But that’s what money does to me. Then I remembered all those meetings with Danielle at the Bluebird Cafe where we sat over coffee and she taught me about money.
\n“What would Danielle do?” I thought to myself.
\nI could almost hear her voice. “Knowledge is power.”
\nI went to the internet and started reading some of the reputable financial news sites to get their take on the biggest drop ever. I soothed myself with articles about market corrections and stabilization. How these things are expected and actually good for the market in the long run. The takeaway I got was…breathe. Don’t pull out. Just hold steady and ride the waves.
\nI’m pretty good at riding waves.
\nBy the time Danielle called, I was feeling much more in control. I told her about going online and educating myself as to what was going on and what it meant. And I felt so empowered when she said, “Way to go! That’s really great that you took a proactive stance and learned all you could so you could make informed decisions.” I know it sounds so silly, but that was HUGE for me. I felt so…grown up and more in control.
\nThis last year has been really interesting for me. Since downsizing and living a minimalistic lifestyle, I have found my spending to be under much better control. I’ve become more frugal, careful. I don’t NEED anything, really. If I accumulate, I have to go through downsizing. I really don’t ever want to do that again.
\nWidowhood and divorce can often leave us in dire straights. Knowledge really IS power so learn all you can about money and budgeting. And remember, dealing with corrections in the Stock Market is exactly like skiing in deep powder. You have to kick back and rest on the tails of your skis. If you lean too far forward, you’ll take a tumble.
\nOh…and pray. Pray a LOT! ❤
\n“Why should fools have money in hand to buy wisdom, when they are not able to understand it?”\nProverbs 17:16 NIV
\n\n", "date_published": "2018-02-08T02:30:37-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/02/08/when-things-get-scary.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Growth","New Ideas","Gratitude","Wisdom","Humbled","Presence"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/02/07/i-am-enough.html", "title": "I Am Enough", "content_html": "
![\"Woman](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/aacfccbe1f.jpg\")
“I Am Enough”
A friend of mine posts these really great inspirational messages on her Facebook page. She comes up with original questions, collections of photos surrounding a theme, and generally spreads love and light throughout the world…with an occasional “f-bomb” thrown in for emphasis. Her name is Barbara. I think she should write a book or have a syndicated newsletter or something because I never see her stuff without feeling uplifted and in awe. I love her.
\nYesterday she posted the following question:
\nWHO ARE YOU?\nAnswer without:\nName, Job, Things you Did, Friends
\nAs I always do with her thought provoking posts…I sat and thought. I made a cup of tea. I stared out the window. I listened to a recording of ocean waves. And…I sat and thought some more. I could answer many things. Christian. Gypsy. Dreamer. Giver. Lover. Friend. But those things only answer a part of the question with those parameters. I decided on this…
\nI Am Enough.
\nWhen this picture was taken, I was visiting my dear friend, Patti from Buffalo Baking Company in California. I had just completed a few of my big “firsts”. My first foray into the world of dating. HUGE mistake on the dating end. BIG help on the “having a shoulder to cry on” end. It didn’t turn out very well for either of us, unfortunately. Too much…WAY too soon. I had survived our anniversary, our birthdays, Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas. And I headed to the west coast to stay with a woman I had never met in person…I only knew her through this blog. But I knew her heart and she is good and she loved on me for a week.
\nI had it in my head that once the clock struck midnight and 2013 turned into 2014, I could say…”He died LAST YEAR”. Somehow I thought that would sweep up the wreckage of my life from the floor where it fell eight months earlier. It would be the glue to piece my heart back together. On this day…New Year’s Day 2014…we drove to Half Moon Bay play tourist. We walked the beach, browsed the shops, ate fabulous seafood, and enjoyed each other’s company.
\nWhen we got to the beach, I asked if I could have a moment alone. I walked to the water’s edge and talked to Mr. Virgo. I told him how much I loved him. I let a little piece of him go free. I placed a few strands of his hair into the foam around my freezing bare feet. And I cried. As I was walking back to Patti and her husband, I saw she had her camera poised and I threw up my hands as if to say, “Ta Da!!! That’s done!!!”
\nOh…I was SO naive.
\nI only THOUGHT I was done. I thought the New Year would bring a new me…sans tears, anxiety, sleepless nights throwing up, fits of rage and depression, and deep melancholia. It was far from it. It only opened my eyes to the stark reality that this really WAS real. He really WAS gone. And now, I got the opportunity to feel it all without that protective gauze of grief sheltering my weary heart and mind from the full blow. Now I was raw, open, searing with the painful presence of daily life…without him. Without my heart. Without my mind. At least as I had known it.
\nThat second year was exactly like holding a sword into the white hot heat of a forge. It tempered me. It made me stronger so that when I was beaten, I held my edge. I became sharp and strong. I was honed into a new version of me.
\nWhen you look at the edge of a well-honed sword, you do not see a sharp, straight line. You see little bits and fragments and fingers of metal that have been forced to line up in the same direction. But there are chips and divots and feathers of steel lining up like soldiers marching in formation. Yet, zoom back out and you can cut a watermelon in midair with one easy stroke.
\nWhen you hone a sword, there is a stopping point. There is a place where you say…that is enough. If you keep going, the blade doesn’t get any sharper. It just wears away. This is where I am on this journey now. If I keep grinding away at this, I just get worn till I’m useless. There was that tipping point somewhere along the line where I said to myself…I Am Enough. This is good…this life I have built. I have surrounded myself with love and light. God, in his infinite Mercy, has given me more hearts to love and more time to love them. If my edge should dull…and it will…I will put my feet to the flame again and get strong and sharp. Over and over and over…ad infinitum. It is what we do. It is the best we can do. It is ALL we can do. Do the work. Walk through the flames. Become stronger. And proclaim to the world…
\nI. Am. Enough. And, my darling friend…you are, too!
\n❤️
\n“being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”\nPhilippians 1:6 NIV11
\n\n", "date_published": "2018-02-07T02:30:52-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/02/07/i-am-enough.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","God","Wisdom","Presence"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/01/30/the-mckinney-grief-scale.html", "title": "The McKinney Grief Scale", "content_html": "
![\"Elk](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/27222316f7.jpg\")
“Elk in Colorado” by Ginny McKinney
It’s that time of year again where Facebook is kindly sharing the memories of things that occurred in the weeks leading up to Mr. Virgo’s death. This is a wonderful feature, really. It reminds us of things that happened in the past. Birthday parties, the birth of new family members, that dinner party you had to celebrate something special. Those memories come in and give us warm fuzzies. But what about the memories leading up to a tragic loss? They can be so painful…especially early in the grief process. Even now…leading up to the fifth angelversary of my late husband’s death, these memories take me back to that innocent time before I knew what death REALLY was.
\nIt’s not like I would change this. I wouldn’t want these memories to go away. I’d just like to have them come in a little gift box that I could open should I choose to see the contents. I remember the week of his first angelversary. Ironically, it was right around the time they started this memory thing. It took my breath away and knocked me to my knees. For the most part, five years and a new relationship have eased that. It’ll never take it away completely, though. Grief doesn’t work that way. Grief is sneaky. There comes a time when it seems to leave you alone for a bit. It walks around disguised…camouflaged. Then something like a Facebook memory, or a familiar aroma, or the way the sun slants through the window, or the smell of coffee brewing…grief walks up to you, stares you in the face, pokes you in the chest like a schoolyard bully and yells, “Hey!!! Remember me???”
\nNow, it seems, there is a two-toned scale of grief-tinged memories…0-10 on the dark scale (D), 0-10 on the light scale (L). I have dubbed it the “McKinney Grief Scale”. Early memories were high on the dark scale and low on the light. Particularly poignant memories may still lean towards an elevated dark scale with a modicum of light poured in. With the distance of five years, almost all memories are high on the light scale with occasional spikes in the dark.
\nThis particular memory is a D3L8. We were in the early stages of a heavy snowstorm and Mr. Virgo was home for the day. We had no place to go. We spent the day watching TV, talking, cooking, maybe we snuggled on the couch and watched a movie or napped in each other’s arms. I remember going to the kitchen for something and looking out the sliding glass doors. Here were these beautiful elk in our backyard. I grabbed my phone and snapped this picture. I loved the elk in our area. Our subdivision had been a ranch for a hundred years before it was subdivided and houses were built. We encroached on the elk habitat and eventually drove them out. Still, once in a while some would wander through and you’d get a glimpse.
\nYes, a solid D3L8. A little dark, a good amount of light. That’s where I sit a lot these days leading up to Number 5. ❤️
\n“Surely the righteous will never be shaken; they will be remembered forever.”\nPsalm 112:6 NIV
\n\n", "date_published": "2018-01-30T02:30:44-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/01/30/the-mckinney-grief-scale.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Grace","Wisdom","Presence"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/01/24/it-seems-like-forever.html", "title": "It Seems Like Forever", "content_html": "
![\"Three](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/9cccd1bb02.jpg\")
“Three Apples”
Yesterday was International Pie Day. Ooooooh…that one blew right by me till we were watching the news last night (yes, I actually watched the news but just this once. I was updating my computer and got caught by surprise. sigh) There was one of those inevitable human interest stories that told us about the annual celebration of my all time favorite dessert…PIE! I used to bake competitively and was known as The Pie Queen in my little valley in Colorado. Those were the halcyon days of my youth, teaching people the intricacies of a proper pie crust. These days, Mr. Pillsbury and I make our pies with that fabulous ready made crust that you unroll, fill and bake. Voila! Instant dessert!
\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/dcde683755.jpg\")
“All the Fixins”
Mr. FixIt and I looked at each other. It was 6:00. Still time for pie! I rummaged around in the fridge and found three apples. I still had two rolls of crust left over from the last dinner party we had. Cored, peeled, sliced, with half a lemon squeezed over it…added a couple tablespoons of that wonderful Splenda Brown Sugar blend, three tablespoons of flour, a few good shakes of apple pie spice and a tiny splash of vanilla…and mixed it well. I poured that in the bottom crust, dotted it with a couple teaspoons of butter, topped it with the second crust, slit the top and crimped the edges together. Baked at 375 for about 50 minutes and yummmmmmm…I love apple pie!
\n![\"Apple](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/4b240f7966.jpg\")
“In the Oven”
As we were enjoying dessert, my plan was to head to the back of the house to write my post as I usually do. But Mr. FixIt was scanning through the shows he had recorded on the DVR. “The Story of God by Morgan Freeman?” he asked. Oh…yes please. How can you go wrong with God AND Morgan Freeman, right? I have always been fascinated with religions and the faith of all people. There were some things in the show that didn’t mesh with my interpretation of my faith, but it’s a very personal thing to each individual. I really enjoyed his interviews. We watched three episodes and saved the other two for tonight. I don’t mind watching TV as much if it’s something educational, or a singing competition, or has Morgan Freeman in it!
\n![\"Apple](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/c47fb2a557.jpg\")
“Apple Pie”
In the first episode, the subject of life after death was discussed and what different faiths believe happens to us when we die. Christians live with the belief we will see our loved ones again in Heaven. I don’t know that it lessens the sting of loss, but eventually it was something that offered me some comfort. I think the idea that my loved ones got to see Jesus already is what gives me the most comfort. And…that brings me to the significance of today.
\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/f43e23b6e3.jpg\")
“Wanda Belle”
Today is my mom’s angelversary. She has been gone fourteen years. I miss her as much now as I did the day she left us so unexpectedly. I was frustrated with her that week. She wasn’t well. Her breathing was rapid. I did not know that she hadn’t eaten or drank anything for five days. I have kicked myself a million times for not calling an ambulance myself to take her to the hospital but she refused to go. I was living in Colorado. She was here in West Virginia. I can hide behind the excuse “there was nothing I could do”, but I should have. I should have just called and dealt with her being upset with me. I was mad at her because she refused to come to Colorado where there was excellent health care. I vented my frustration in the very last phone call I had with her. In the middle of the conversation, as I felt my temper start to rise, the Holy Spirit took hold of me and literally shook me. “Wake up! Wake up! This could be your last conversation!” And, it was. I am SO grateful for that I controlled my tongue for once. I told her I understood why she couldn’t come to Colorado. I understood why she didn’t want to leave her home. I mean…I didn’t at the time. But I told her that. And I told her how much I dearly loved her. I told her to just focus on getting well, that I would take care of everything. I told her I would be on a plane the next day and would be there by nightfall. She told me I couldn’t imagine what that meant to her…telling her I understood. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to be with me or that she didn’t think I knew what I was talking about. She was just tired. Sick and tired. More sick and tired than she admitted to me, or I might have been more forceful. As it was, she was gone by 4:00 the next morning.
\nI’ve forgiven myself for failing to make the call. I’ve forgiven myself for speaking to her in harsh tones. It’s been a long time since I shed tears for my mom, but I did as I wrote this post. My only consolation is she knew I loved her…and we will meet again someday. Until then…oh, I miss my mom. ❤️
\n“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.”\n2 Corinthians 1:3-4 NIV
\n\n", "date_published": "2018-01-24T02:30:58-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/01/24/it-seems-like-forever.html", "tags": ["Grief","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","God","Wisdom","Presence"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/01/21/when-your-body-speakslisten.html", "title": "When Your Body Speaks...Listen", "content_html": "
![\"WV](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/cc2963afd0.jpg\")
\nI had a huge day planned yesterday. I was really looking forward to gathering with two different groups of friends. I awoke sometime before dawn and my body just said, “Nope. Not today. Go back to sleep.” In the past, I might have forced myself up and made myself go. Since losing Mr. Virgo, I’ve learned to listen more to my body when it speaks to me.
\nGrief not only causes things like “grief brain” which was illustrated in the article I shared with you the other night. Several health ailments can be attributed to grief and the resultant stress it causes. High levels of cortisol…the “fight or flight” hormone…can cause everything from high blood pressure to heart disease to depression to substance abuse. It also affects your immune system and you tend to get sick easier and things last longer. There isn’t an expiration date on grief either. You may not be actively grieving, but you can still suffer from the repercussions.
\nYesterday it was tummy trouble. Easy enough to fix with rest, fluids and over the counter medications. I have to be extra careful with things like gluten and fats now. I didn’t have to do that before Mr. Virgo died. Another thing that came my way was an autoimmune response to grief and I developed plantar-palmar psoriasis. I doctored that with steroids and every psoriasis cream known to man. I tried folk remedies and old wive’s tales. Nothing touched it till last year when I started using doTerra’s LifePak vitamins and CBD (canabidiol) ointment. It’s pretty well controlled now with occasional applications and I take a small dose of the vitamins every other day or so.
\nNothing is the same after a profound loss. For a long time, I grieved not only for Mr. Virgo…but also for the ME that I lost in the process of grieving. When I finally let go of trying to recreate my life the way it was before, I began to embrace the life I was building. It’s much, much better but the physical things still creep up on me from time to time. I still find them frustrating, even though I am much better at listening to my body now. When it says, “Go back to sleep”…unless I have something that I absolutely HAVE to do…I listen. I texted my friends and told them I was going to have to bow out because I didn’t feel well. They totally understood. There will be other opportunities to get together. And I spent the day reading. I haven’t spent the day reading in ages because for the longest time, my grief brain wouldn’t allow me to concentrate long enough to get through a book. It was lovely to be able to read…and comprehend what I was reading. Mr. Fixit watched college basketball and a couple of movies while I cuddled up on the couch and listened to recordings of campfires and thunderstorms.
\nRemember…self care is not selfish. It is necessary. If you are alone, you may have the freedom to practice self care any time, but not always. I am fortunate to have this wonderful man who understands and supports my need for self care on a regular basis. What a gift he is to me. ❤️
\n“Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings. And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen.”\n1 Peter 5:7-11 NIV
\n\n", "date_published": "2018-01-21T02:30:15-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/01/21/when-your-body-speakslisten.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Presence","Starting Over"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/01/20/savor-the-sweet.html", "title": "Savor the Sweet", "content_html": "
![\"Woman](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/411e0f5d86.jpg\")
\nThe first time I set foot in a trout stream, I was six years old. It was the summer before my life would be forever changed by the illicit touch of a stranger. The summer of 1960 found my family on its very first vacation. We traveled to the mountains of West Virginia and rented a small cabin for a week. I remember mom frying trout in an iron skillet. I remember my brother and I playing quietly in the shade of the many trees surrounding our camp. I remember my dad standing in the shallow middle, up to his knees, casting over and over with the flies he had meticulously tied at his workbench in the basement. And I remember the river. The North Fork of the South Branch of the Potomac River, to be exact.
\nI didn’t have much experience with open bodies of water. Mom had instilled an unhealthy fear of water in me with stories of the time she saved her baby sister from drowning. She had no intention of ever having to save me, so I was banished from any water sports. And, it turns out…I’m a bit of a water baby. I remember one day in particular. Dad was out in his favorite fishing hole, patiently casting, and I stood at the river’s edge. I contemplated the ripples as they passed over the smooth river rocks. I gazed at the deep pools that changed to the color of emeralds where the sandy bottom lay two or three feet below. I delighted at the light dancing on the surface like a thousand diamonds and the trout flashing as they breached the surface to catch their next meal.
\nThat was a simple and peaceful summer…the last I would know before my innocence was taken from me. But, that is not to say, I have never found moments that have recaptured that sense of awe and wonder. I have…many times. Yesterday was one of those days that delivered sweet things…one after another…till I was overflowing with the beauty and simplicity of it all.
\nI made my routine trip to the farm to see how the kitties are fairing. I checked the stove and the basement. I sat, as I always do, in the chair in “Grandma’s Window” and watched the birds at the feeder. I listened to the sounds of an old house…living and breathing…its bones creaking like the old woman that she is. I watched the pendulum in Mr. Virgo’s clock swing back and forth, reminding me I couldn’t stay too long. We had company coming.
\nI stopped at the neighbor’s for a bit and delivered a small gift of French Truffles. We passed the time, catching up on the news of the neighbors and I left with promises it wouldn’t be so long till my next visit. I turned the truck toward home. I checked the mail and found a pink slip…a package had come and would be waiting for me at the post office. Mr. FixIt offered to go pick it up as I put the groceries away. I no sooner sat down till our company arrived.
\nMr. FixIt’s granddaughter and her family brought their baby to see Papaw and GG! I have inherited a whole passel of people in this relationship, including a son and his wife, a daughter and her man, three granddaughters (two of whom have significant others), a grandson and his girlfriend, and a great granddaughter. You know what that means, don’t you? I am a great grandmother! And…considering I am WAY too young to be one (smile)…I am GG. Great Grandma. Grandma Ginny. GG. It suits me. The baby is four months old and the most precious little thing. What a treat to hold and rock a little one again!
\nBefore long, Mr. FixIt came back with my box. I couldn’t wait to open it. It was a special introductory gift box from my dear friend, and fellow Sister on the Fly, Michelle McMullen Cummings with her newly published book, The Reel Sisters! https://www.thereelsisters.com/product/the-reel-sisters-gift-box/ Now I have two books to read, one published and one unpublished with an invitation to write early praise for its release. Both written by strong women I admire and I can’t wait to get into them! The reminder of these sister friendships warmed my heart as rocked and sang a lullaby to the newest member of our immediate family. I thought…”I will teach you to fly, little sister” as I sniffed the top of her sweet, soft head.
\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/8a4033efd5.jpg\")
\nI am enjoying getting to know and bond with Mr. FixIt’s family. As his granddaughter bundled up the baby and prepared to leave yesterday, she turned to me and said, “I like you. You make my grandpa very happy.” I like her, too. She reminds me a little of myself when I was her age. A young mother, in love with her baby, her life stretching before her like an endless summer. It filled me with a soft warmth. As I sat propped in our bed last night, typing away at the keyboard writing this post, that very happy Papaw came in with a small bowl of ice cream and a kiss on the top of my head. And I swear…my heart exploded with joy.
\nThe sweet simplicity of a life lived with boundless joy. My God has delivered me far, far from the pain life can bring. For now. There will be pain again. There always is. This is life, after all. The difference is, I have this now. I am building my insurance policy. These stories are money in my emotional bank…stories to look back upon one day and remember the joy I felt on a cold January day in the sun. ❤️
\n“Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.”\nJames 1:17 NIV
\n\n", "date_published": "2018-01-20T02:30:14-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/01/20/savor-the-sweet.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Travel","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Hope","Positive Energy","Fun","West Virginia","The Farm","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Presence","Starting Over"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/01/17/times-up.html", "title": "Time’s Up", "content_html": "
![\"Time’s](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/0b2a8225b1.jpg\")
\nI was a doctor’s wife. I had a beautiful life, for all intents and purposes. While he wasn’t a demonstrative man, I felt I was coping as best I could with his inability to meet my emotional needs. He was a good provider and a good dad. I could overlook the rest. There came a point when I started unraveling a bit. The clouds of depression circled around but never lit very long in those days. That is, until I went in for a physical. My doctor asked how I was doing and I told him I was a bit blue of late. I would often walk into the baby’s room, pick her up and rock her…and cry. “Hmmmmm… Inappropriate crying.” he wrote in my chart. He gave me a prescription for Zoloft and the race to self destruction began. How could I tell him why I was crying? How could I do that in the short time he had allotted for this visit? It was so much deeper than any pill could ever reach.
\nAs I write this, I’m watching the gymnasts facing their abusive doctor in court. What a different world it is for sexual abuse victims now. My first abuser was a senior in high school. I was eight or nine. I was playing with a friend when the big boy lured us into a garage to “look at toys”. When he had his hand in my pants, he was whispering things in my ear I didn’t understand. Mom said don’t talk to strangers. But “Butterball” lived in the neighborhood. We knew him. I stood stock still in the belief he would leave. When he was done with me, he went for my friend. In that moment, my maternal instincts kicked in and I grabbed her hand and ran down the hill to her house. I pounded on the door and her mother came to answer. I was frantic and told her what had happened. She opened the screen door and I thought…”Oh, thank God! She’s going to save us!” Mrs. G grabbed her daughter and drew her in the house. As I started to go in, she placed her hand on my chest, pushed me out the door, and said, “Don’t you EVER say anything like that EVER again to ANYBODY!” Then she slammed the door in my face.
\nI went to my house and sat on the lawn trying to figure out what had happened. When I was really little, my babysitter’s teenage daughter had sex with her boyfriend in her room all the time. She caught me watching once and beat the tar out of me and told me I was bad. And here, a mother I knew and trusted told me I was bad and I had a pretty good idea it had something to do with that physical act I had no name for. I made a concrete decision right there. I would take Mrs. G’s advice. I would not tell my mom. I mean, what if I told her and SHE put me out on the street like my friend’s mom??? I would die!
\nI never told, nor did I tell about the time it happened with my best friend’s dad when I was twelve or thirteen. You know…when you are convinced you are bad from your earliest memories, that kind of damage runs deeply and permanently in your DNA.
\nI didn’t tell until I was watching my girls on the living room floor, playing. Daughter #1 was sixteen. Daughter #2 was one. I don’t know if it was the way the sun came in through the window or the way my daughter tucked her hair behind her ear or maybe it was the sound of their sweet innocent voices but suddenly those memories came rushing back with such force it nearly knocked me to my knees. The shadow of depression that was floating just out of my reach crashed on me with the force of a tsunami. That is when I started rocking my baby in the night…weeping. “Inappropriate crying”? I think not. I was trying to figure out how I was going to protect this precious child from the horrors that await little girls in the great big world. I was weeping for that little girl in me who was abused then turned away by someone who could have helped her..SHOULD have helped her. I was trying to figure out just one thing in my 38-year-old mind…”Who can I tell? And, what the hell does it matter now?” Just, please God…keep them safe.
\nThe fact that I’m sitting here alive and well, and that my children are beautiful and safely grown is testimony to a mother’s strength and courage. The road was long and filled with unexploded ordinance, but we made it through. I told my mom everything when I was about forty. I was hyper vigilant with my girls but they were never abused under my watch. Now, I tell and tell and tell in an effort to teach prevention and give permission to tell your own stories. Because, #timesup. No more secrets. No more lies. No more hiding in the dark.
\nYes…I’m proud of these young gymnasts. And, everyone else in the #metoo movement. I wish there had been this same moral outrage when these athletes came forward. It would have helped them so much because, just as it’s difficult to walk the path of grief alone, so too is the walk of abuse. It is the original “walk of shame”…only we did nothing wrong. It was not our fault.
\nWhile I never wish pain on people as a rule, I felt a certain vindication when I watched that doctor with his face in his hands as he is forced to sit there while victim after victim sit before him and tell their stories. To see him take off his glasses and wipe the tears away and hang his head in shame gave me great satisfaction. My abuse occurred in a time when such things weren’t talked about. Therefore, my abusers went on and lived their lives unscathed. I don’t know if they ever felt bad. Did they ever have remorse? Did they ever think of me? Did they ever want to ask for my forgiveness but didn’t know where to find me? Or better yet, did they ask God to forgive them? Did they find salvation? Will we meet somewhere and have the opportunity to talk? One is dead. Too late. I’m not sure about the other one. He’d be about 74 years old now. I’ve forgiven them both long ago. But I do often wonder…what if? What if I could sit (or could have sat) in front of my abusers and tell them what their actions did to me. How it affected my family, my relationships, my children. How it affected my views of the world and my sense of personal safely and my relationship to sexuality. How their few moments stolen from me left a deep chasm in my psyche that I urgently tried to fill with drugs and alcohol, sex and shopping. How the memories I had so carefully packed deeply away in a place that could never be opened came crashing out on a sunny Saturday morning…ripping my neat and tidy little suburban doctor’s wife life into shreds.
\nInappropriate crying?!?! You got a couple of hours to listen to WHY I was holding my baby and crying?!?! You tell me, doc. Because at that point, I had no words to describe what had happened, no one to listen…to really hear…and only tears to shed. Your answer? Drugs. Drugs, drugs, and more drugs.
\n“Shhhhh…here. Take this. Let us help.”
\nI was very nearly “doctored to death”.
\nYes, today I am proud of these beautiful young women doing a job no one in their right mind wants to do. We should be living in a world where we don’t ever NEED to have these conversations. As Oprah said…there is a change coming.
\nAccountability.
\nA new dawn is rising.
\nTime’s up. ❤️
\n“If anyone causes one of these little ones—those who believe in me—to stumble, it would be better for them to have a large millstone hung around their neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea.”\nMatthew 18:6 NIV
\n", "date_published": "2018-01-17T02:30:46-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/01/17/times-up.html", "tags": ["Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Grace","God","Peace","Wisdom","Forgiveness","Presence"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/01/12/here-comes-the-rain.html", "title": "Here Comes the Rain", "content_html": "![\"The](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/41a9fc3f1c.jpg\")
“Belpre Bridge” by Ginny McKinney
Yesterday morning was sunny and warm. By warm, I mean 47. As in…above freezing! And by afternoon it was 72 degrees according to the thermometer on my truck. swoon I haven’t felt this warm since sometime back in September. It was downright balmy out there!
\nMr. FixIt and I had errands to run yesterday and he asked me mid-day what I’d like for lunch. My go to favorite? The Southwest Grilled Chicken Salad with Fat Free Honey Mustard Dressing from Chik-fil-A! And my go to favorite place to eat it? Point Park in Parkersburg. I wanted to watch the ice floes out on the Ohio River. Yesterday, there were three Blue Herons and a bunch of Seagulls sitting out on the ice. I believe two gents were trying to woo the same lady heron because one kept shooing off the interloper. Said lady was having none of it and kept flying away from Mr. Romance.
\nIt had just started raining when we parked in our favorite spot. We really wanted to see a tug pushing barges through the ice but unfortunately, none came along. As an update, Mr. FixIt started working with a hand therapist yesterday. He’s doing really well. He did strain it a little last Sunday night when he pushed up off the floor, but it’s much better now. The therapist made a custom splint for his wrist and thumb that is much sturdier than the one he was given at the surgeon’s office and I am relieved. I was very worried he would slip on the ice and snow last week and really do some damage. We sure don’t want to have to go through this again!
\nOne of my friends and his wife lost their faithful companion, Blue, yesterday. When I was so lonely and hurting, so many of my readers encouraged me to adopt a dog, but this is exactly why I couldn’t. I simply couldn’t put myself through that loss. Mr. Virgo and I put our seventeen-year-old Yorkie-Maltese mix down just three months before Mr. Virgo himself died suddenly. We had had Cricket cremated and were going to spread her ashes in the flower garden in the spring. When Mr. Virgo died, I just put that little box of ashes in the casket with him and swore I’d never have another dog. My heart aches for those who lose their beloved fur babies.
\nWith the nature of grief being so unpredictable, sometimes you literally feel as though you are just one crisis away from losing it entirely. I cannot tell you how many times I have been in the throes of grief, and the accompanying anxiety, and I have felt like I just couldn’t handle one more thing. As a matter of fact, the FEAR of having one more thing happen actually escalated everything. I have an arsenal of coping strategies at my disposal, but sometimes the slope is too steep and the boulder gains too much momentum too fast. There were so many nights when it all got away from me and all I could do was cling to God and pray for morning. If I can get a hold of the wave early enough, the best thing I can do is get out of the situation I’m in. It usually hits me when I’m in bed, so I get up and do something…scrub the kitchen floor, clean out the fridge, run the vacuum.
\nAnother thing that will stop things from spinning out of control for me is writing. There have been countless times I’ve sat down to write my post while I’m feeling the waves of grief and anxiety come over me. As I write, I can literally feel the stress, fear, and anxiety fade…sometimes melting away entirely. I can’t stress enough how much writing can help you through grief. You don’t have to have a blog. Get a journal and write in it every night. I not only wrote this blog, but I filled several personal journals through the first two or three years after Mr. Virgo died. Writing saved me. TOW-Wanda saved me. God saved me. ❤️
\n““This is what the Lord, the God of Israel, says: ‘Write in a book all the words I have spoken to you.”\nJeremiah 30:2 NIV
\n", "date_published": "2018-01-12T02:30:57-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/01/12/here-comes-the-rain.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","West Virginia","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","God","Peace","Wisdom","Presence"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/01/11/the-bent-reed.html", "title": "The Bent Reed", "content_html": "![\"The](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/f05a2a3740.jpg\")
“The Bent Reed” by Ginny McKinney
A lot of people are struggling right now. I don’t know what it is about January. Sure, there’s the let down after the holidays. There’s the long, dark nights. There’s the bitterly cold, grey days. But there’s more than that. There’s a lot of loss.
\nI have friends who are dealing with very serious health issues…either of their own or members of their immediate family. I get prayer requests daily…from multiple people. Disasters, accidents, illness, death. Add this on top of the usual slump of January and it can send you down in a spiral in a hurry.
\nI was reminded of this beautiful verse the other day. I wish I would have had it written down so I could have carried it with me in those first long dark winter months without Mr. Virgo. I know it would have helped. As with all things, it has come to me now…when it means the most. When I need it the most. When I need to share it. God always provides.
\nMy mom died after a brief illness of five days in January 2014. My cousin’s husband a year later at 50. My sweet Uncle Bob the next January. January is just not a good month…for me and for a lot of other people.
\nI bought a new computer the other day. When I was setting it up this week, I noticed a bunch of photos had come down out of the cloud. I hadn’t seen them in a long time, since my computer has been on the fritz for a while. I was scrolling through when my screen was filled with…Mr. Virgo…in his casket. A friend took the picture for me. At first, I thought it was macabre. Then I realized I needed to have that. For a long time it was the only thing that would allow me to cry. I needed to get that out. But somewhere along the line, the pictures from the funeral home made their way up into the cloud and I didn’t see them again. Till this week. It was like getting sucker punched when that popped up, filling my screen with a vision so painful you can feel it in your bones.
\nYes, a lot of people are struggling. Debbie’s husband Toby is in the hospital. Sue’s friend had a biopsy today. Lynn’s family is struggling. Diane lost both her parents and her father-in-law in Januarys along the way and her best friend just lost his dad. The world seems to be reeling under forces whipping it into a frenzy. So, again…I am reminded of this verse.
\nGod will not break a bent reed. He will not snuff out a smoldering flame. When you are at your weakest point, God is still strong. The same God that gave his Son. The same God that walked on water and rose the dead and healed blind men. The same God that breathed life into this world lives today. And He knocks. And He waits. He is a patient, polite God. He will not impose himself. He will not barge in on you. He waits for you to open the door. Opening that door is what has made it possible for me to keep breathing, to keep walking forward through every storm…through every season. I was only bent. ❤️
\n“A bruised reed he will not break, and a smoldering wick he will not snuff out…”\nIsaiah 42:3 NIV
\n\n", "date_published": "2018-01-11T02:30:39-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/01/11/the-bent-reed.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Presence"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/01/07/epiphany.html", "title": "Epiphany", "content_html": "
![\"“Epiphany”](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/124531bb4f.jpg\")
\nEpiphany
\nEpiphany; noun: plural noun: epiphanies
\nA) the manifestation of Christ to the Gentiles as represented by the Magi (Matthew 2:1–12).
\nB) the festival commemorating the Epiphany on January 6.
\nC) a manifestation of a divine or supernatural being.
\nD) a moment of sudden revelation or insight.
\nYesterday was Epiphany. Traditionally, it marks the end of the Christmas Season. The day the Three Wise Men visited the baby Jesus and bestowed their gifts to Him.
\nEpiphany also means a sudden revelation, insight, and/or appearance of a supernatural being. Eighteen years ago, I experienced epiphany on many, many levels. I was seven years into a devastating depression…one I could see no way out of. I was over prescribed medications by a medical community that my husband at the time belonged to. I was a doctor’s wife. I had WAY too ready access to medications I had no business being on because a referral pattern is a terrible thing to waste. Doctors hate to take care of other doctor’s family. It puts a lot of pressure on them to go above and beyond…to be exemplary…to have a positive outcome, no matter what. Unfortunately for me, that meant seven years of medications that made me a zombie. Add a psychiatrist who told me at every visit, that this was just the way I was…I would need to take these medicines every day for the rest of my life…that I had a chemical imbalance in my brain. I lost my 40’s…literally. My marriage was irreparably damaged. December of 1999 found me struggling. My 20th Anniversary came and my husband told me he wasn’t in love with me anymore. I was devastated. I couldn’t see how I could possibly live without him. I circled the drain and on January 6, 2000…I overdosed on two full bottles of pills and I very easily could have died.
\nAs they worked on me in the emergency room…these doctors and nurses with whom my husband and I socialized…I “faded”. My vision became a tunnel. My hearing damped down till it sounded like I had tin cans over my ears. I didn’t see a great white light like some talk about when they have a near-death experience. I’ve drawn it here, as close as I can. It was this incredibly beautiful disc of cobalt blue with golden rays of light radiating from it all around like an eclipse. It was ethereal and sparkly and incredibly peaceful.
\nAs I stood in this immense ocean of blue light, my hearing left me and there was no sound. Dead air. Nothing. And suddenly, my grandma’s voice cut through the silence and straight into my left ear, as if she were standing beside me and bent down to speak directly to me. She shouted at me!
\n“Young lady…you get back down there right now! You have work to do!!!”
\nImmediately, my eyes flew open wide and I was in the ER, lying on a gurney, the overhead light shining in my eyes. I squinted at the glare and the sudden rush of noise. I rolled up on my side and threw up violently. After a while, I turned on my back. A nurse was leaning over me…a look of sincere concern on her face. I burst into tears when I realized what had happened. I kept crying, “I’m so ashamed, I’m so ashamed, I’m so ashamed.” She wrapped her arms around me and pulled me close to her and whispered in my ear, “You have nothing to be ashamed of. You’ve been sick. You’re going to be ok.”
\nI was at the bottom of the barrel in that moment and I had to begin a very long climb back. It took a great deal of intense therapy to convince me the other doctor was wrong and I really didn’t have a chemical imbalance in my brain. It took a full three years to wean off the medications he had me on. My marriage was over. I nearly lost my relationship with my kids. It took a huge amount of work, strength, and determination to rebuild my life.
\nI think that experience actually gave me tools to help me cope with losing Mr. Virgo years later. I survived that horrible ordeal. I surely could survive this one. I’ll survive the next. It’s fitting that the overdose occurred on Epiphany. The symbolic ending. The supernatural appearance of my grandma’s disembodied voice…nine months after her death. The moment of sudden revelation and insight that I had gone as far away from where God wanted me to be as I could possibly go.
\nI look back on those years with a sadness that I lost so much. I look back on that night with the absolute conviction that God sent the one person I would listen to…my grandma. I believe with all my heart that God saved me that night because He wasn’t done with me. He still had work for me to do. And, I also believe I could not have done any of this work if I had never had those seven years of walking through hell…if I had never had that devastating overdose…if I had not nearly lost everything.
\nThose of you who have been following me for a long time have probably heard this story before because I consider January 6th my “Re-Birth Day” in a literal sense. My second chance. My do-over. And for those of you new enough that you haven’t heard it yet, it might give you a sense of where I’ve been, even before the devastating loss of Mr. Virgo. We all have struggles in life. And, so far, I’ve survived all of them 100% of the time. For a long time, I was embarrassed by this story. Depression. Anxiety. Drugs. Dysfunction. Once I became a Christian, I realized God can use me to help others in similar circumstances. If I shine His Light into every dark corner of my life and show that Light to you, then I am doing what He put me on this earth to do. I’m at peace with that part of my life now. It doesn’t embarrass me. I am not ashamed. I am strengthened by a God that wouldn’t let ME decide it was time to go. I am immensely grateful for the opportunities I’ve been given…a chance to rebuild broken relationships…a chance at great love, not just once, but twice. I’ve lost much…but I’ve gained so much more. ❤️
\n““Arise, shine, for your light has come, and the glory of the Lord rises upon you.”\nIsaiah 60:1 NIV
\n", "date_published": "2018-01-07T02:30:01-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/01/07/epiphany.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Forgiveness","Humbled","Presence","Starting Over"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/01/06/greater-is-the-one.html", "title": "Greater is the One", "content_html": "![\"Earth](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/85de1a59c8.jpg\")
\nThe nature of my writing has grown with the changes I have gone through on my grief journey. Early on, it was so incredibly painful to even try to put words together to express my pain. I understood for the first time how God could hear our prayers when all we can manage are groans. Once the words started, it was like releasing a torrent. My pain literally fell onto the pages and it was emotionally exhausting…for me, and for you as well. The release was cathartic. The more I let it go, the more my heart healed.
\nNot everyone has a blog where they can release the pent up pain, anger, frustration, confusion that comes with grief. I am blessed with this venue and I don’t take any of you for granted. Your feedback and support has been so incredibly healing for me. I am blessed with family and friends who were supportive during the early months of my grief. The day Mr. Virgo died and I called my daughters, they dropped what they were doing and jumped in their cars to begin the long drive to be with me. They stayed by my side. They answered the phone for me. They made important calls. They took me everywhere I needed to go. Daughter #1 slept with me every night with her arm across my chest to protect me, to calm me, to reassure me I was not alone.
\nPeople gathered and surrounded me with love and support and food. My daughters and I bought every funny DVD we could find and tried to find someplace to land besides terror and pain. My friends held me in silence…the same friends who dressed me for my wedding and placed the flowers all around. Here they were…nearly six years to the day…doing the only thing they could do. After we lay Mr. Virgo in the ground, we gathered at our home…my home. I went straight to the humidor and got the expensive cigar he was saving for golf in the summer. I grabbed the bottle of Courvoisier I had used for Mr. Virgo’s favorite fruitcake. And I gathered the men…and my younger daughter. She was particularly close to her stepdad. We went to the front porch and smoked the cigar, and passed the bottle around till it was gone. We told manly stories of golf and travel, hotels and restaurants…all things Mr. Virgo.
\nAfter everyone left, the family gathered me up and took me to a restaurant to entice me to eat. I hadn’t had much of anything but coffee for days. It was the day before St. Patrick’s Day…a fine day to be buried, Mr. Virgo would have said. My daughters needed to get back to Denver. Daughter #1 offered to stay longer if I needed her. And while I did…desperately…I said no. I knew she needed to get back to her own family…her own life. And so, just like that, they were gone. And the house became quiet.
\nI stayed home alone for a week. I had paperwork to do and some things to wrap up at work. I packed a bag, stopped my mail, and headed to Denver to be near the kids. My son-in-law’s parents kept me at their home. I don’t remember the first week I was there…except that I didn’t get dressed for a week and only occasionally ventured out of the room for a little food. I slept much of the time. Finally, I started to join the land of the living again.
\nSlowly…ever so slowly…I moved forward. Days became weeks and week, months. The firsts started…my first birthday without him, his birthday, the holidays. Our wedding anniversary was just three weeks after he died. People called to see how I was doing. They sent cards and texts and checked in with me on Facebook. One of my daughter’s friends from high school contacted me every week for the first year. And eventually…they all moved on. It was inevitable. They can’t stay forever. They can’t stop their lives forever.
\nAt first, I was really put out. I still needed to vent. I still needed to cry. I needed to tell every story, a hundred times. I needed so much. I needed more than they could ever give. I have to say, I never felt completely abandoned. I am blessed to have the most fabulous people in my life who would listen to me even today if I called and cried. However…I did feel “like a burden”, as one of my readers put it. I didn’t want to unload on them all the time. Somehow, I managed to reach that tipping point where I realized I needed to start managing this pain on my own. That was a really lonely stretch. I was pretty sure I wouldn’t have to sit in that “waiting room” (as my friend Christina Rasmussen calls it in her book, Second Firsts) forever, but I had no idea how long I’d be in this social limbo. I wanted to stay alone forever AND I wanted to be with people. I wanted to be invited out AND I wanted to never talk to another soul. I wanted to feel normal AND I didn’t want to feel anything. Oh….grief is crazy making.
\nI had to have something to hang onto…something, someONE, who would anchor me and keep me from flying off the face of the earth. Even though I had been a Christian for seven years, I only attended church sporadically. One Sunday morning, many months after Mr. Virgo died, I decided I needed to talk to someone who never tired of hearing my cries. Someone who would give and give and give…no matter how much I needed. Who would love me no matter how messy or messed up I got. I went back to church…and I’ve been going ever since.
\nAs much as people want to help…they are people. They are fallible. They can say the wrong things. They can feel overwhelmed by your pain. They can burn out from your grief. But God? God never gets tired of hearing from you. God never gets tired of comforting you. He never gets tired of holding you close. Greater is the one who lives within me than the one who lives in the world. God is the one…the only one who will always, always love you. Even when you cry that horrible snot-slinging cry that no one needs to see. Even when you are so anxious you stay up puking all night. Even when your life seems not worth living. The only way you can lose is to give up. Don’t give up. Don’t ever give up. Because joy comes again. It sneaks in the cracks of your broken heart when you least expect it. Not all at once…just a little tiny bit at a time. But it comes, dear one. Hang on…it comes. ❤️
\n“You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world.”\n1 John 4:4 NIV
\n#God, #Love, #Light
\n", "date_published": "2018-01-06T02:30:38-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/01/06/greater-is-the-one.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Presence"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/01/03/surviving-the-climb.html", "title": "Surviving the Climb", "content_html": "![\"Survive](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/0d8bc3b756.jpg\")
\nOccasionally I get a comment on my blog from someone so fresh on this grief journey that they are lost. They don’t know where to turn or what to do next. They are obviously in a great deal of pain and my heart breaks for them because…I know. I’ve been there. Many of us have. I respond to every single comment on my blog. Most often it’s with a ❤️, just to let you know I have seen your comment. Occasionally, I write something back. On this particular occasion, I wrote a whole essay as my response. After giving it some thought, I decided it was time again to revisit “How do you survive this?”
\nMy reader lost her husband unexpectedly in early November. He was minding his own business, driving to work, when he was struck head-on by an impaired driver and was killed. Her world was shattered. The future she had planned with her husband was gone. To add insult to injury, her husband’s death was followed in rapid succession by Thanksgiving, his birthday, an important graduation, Christmas, and New Years. All without him. Her question? How do you cope with this?
\nHere is my response:
\nFirst, let me tell you my heart is with you, dear one. You are SO fresh on this journey and it’s so difficult. Having all those firsts, one after another when the ink is hardly dry must be unbearable. I can’t tell you how to grieve because it’s such a personal thing. I can tell you how I dealt with things and hopefully it will help you as well. If you haven’t yet, do go to Marshmallow Ranch on Facebook and see if you can scroll back to the early days of my blog. You will find much more relatable material there. I started the blog in January 2013 as a way to promote jewelry I was making. Then Mr. Virgo died in March. That’s when the blog morphed into an online grief journal. I know that’s a lot of material to sort through, but it just might help.
\nAt your stage of this journey, let me say this…there is no rule book. But here’s a list of ways to cope.
\nDon’t let anyone say you should do it this way or you shouldn’t do it that way. Do it your way.
\nYou will make mistakes. Don’t be too hard on yourself when you do.
\nBe careful…extra careful with your money.
\nGet plenty of rest, eat right, and exercise as you can.
\nAvoid drugs and alcohol…they are nothing but bandaids that put off the hurt. That goes for new relationships. I know, I know. I thought that was crazy too till I got involved with someone just five months after my beloved died. I just wanted the pain to go away but when I pulled that bandage off, dear God…it was worse.
\nFeel your feelings. Cry when you need to. Laugh when you can.
\nThere’s an actual condition called grief brain. You can’t remember squat and it may be scary as the dickens. Don’t worry…it does get better in time. You never go back to baseline, but you do get better.
\nYou won’t be in this fog forever and eventually you will feel joy. Don’t feel guilty for that.
\nI found the services of a grief counselor to be extremely helpful. I had PTSD from watching the CPR for hours so I had EMDR treatments which helped immensely.
\nRemember…you don’t “get over” this…you get through it. But, you will never be the same. Let me repeat that…you will never be the same. Don’t even try to find the old you. She is gone. Once a pickle, always a pickle…you don’t get to go back to being a fresh little cucumber again. Whether you become a sour or sweet pickle is largely up to you. Do NOT give up hope of finding a good life, though. You can…and you will…with determination and perseverance.
\nI realized early on that he died, I did not. I owed it to his memory to live…actually LIVE the days my husband was not given. Since we were looking at campers when he died, I went out and bought one and joined Sisters on the Fly…a women’s adventure group. I also belong to Girl Campers. These are all empowering groups that helped me become brave and strong.
\nOne last word of caution. It’s ok to mattress surf once in a while but don’t live there. Get up every day, splash water on your face, brush your teeth, and get dressed. Make your bed. You’re not as likely to climb back in it if it’s made. Scrub your kitchen sink. A clean sink sets the tone for the day in my book. Even if you just move from the bed to the couch…you’ve moved. Keep moving. One step, two steps. Eventually you will be able to take a deep breath again. (Oh, that’s also a thing. Physiologically, grief causes you to sigh a lot which makes you try to take deep breaths and it’s difficult. You almost feel like you can’t get a deep enough breath. Unless you are passing out or have chest pain or prolonged irregular heartbeat or cold, clammy sweat, its nothing to be worried about. Always ask your healthcare professional if you are concerned about your health. However…this sensation disappears after some time.)
\nTincture of time. That’s how I dealt with the loss of my husband. Move forward…and pray, a lot. You may not feel Him there, but God is with your every step. He holds you in the palm of His hand and He weeps for your pain. Let Him wrap His feathers around you and take your rest there. Come back here anytime you need some support. You may send me private messages at any time and I will get back to you as soon as I can. Prayers for comfort and strength, dear one. This is a club we didn’t ask to join. You will learn how to perform magic like tap dancing around that husband-sized hole in your heart without falling in…every…damn…time.
\nGrief comes in waves. At first it knocks you down. Eventually you learn to expect the waves and you can lean in and keep your footing without drowning. It’s almost five years since my loss and I have built a new life. I have expanded my social circle and have learned many new skills. And…much to my amazement…I have found love again and it is so sweet and rich. Mostly because now I have a thorough understanding of just what I lost and how incredibly precious life and love are.
\nWe all know someone who suffers a loss. We don’t always know how to help or what to say. May I suggest bookmarking this page and share it when appropriate? Share it with everyone you know because someone knows someone who is hurting. Let’s make this the year we reach out to widows and widowers and offer them whatever comfort and support we can. ❤️
\n“Do not neglect to do good and to share what you have, for such sacrifices are pleasing to God.”\nHebrews 13:16 ESV
\n", "date_published": "2018-01-03T02:30:36-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/01/03/surviving-the-climb.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Humbled","Presence","Starting Over"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/01/02/ramona-and-her-pet-burro.html", "title": "“Ramona and Her Pet Burro, Bob” or “How My Memory Has Changed Since Mr. Virgo Died”", "content_html": "![\"Country](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/beb770d8d2.jpg\")
\nWe went to the farm yesterday. On our way there, Mr. Fixit pointed out the two little burros huddling in a shed, trying to keep warm in the frigid 9 degree air. Seeing the little burros, my mind immediately went soaring back forty years to one of the favorite periods of my life. When I met Hubby #2, he was a Physical Therapist who worked across the hall from me. I was the X-Ray Tech for a small rehabilitation hospital in downtown Denver. He was also finishing some pre-med classes at CU Boulder in preparation for applying to medical school. We were young and in love and poor as church mice. Daughter #1 was three years old. We had no money so we were adept at finding activities that were free, or nearly so. It was cool to be poor struggling students.
\nIt was the late ‘70s. Trivial Pursuit was HOT and we played it a lot. H#2 told me about the Trivia Bowl that was held annually at UC Boulder. It was free, it was close, and it was fun. It was held in a large room. Two teams sat at tables on a makeshift stage and the audience stood shoulder to shoulder around a packed room…a rowdy crowd. I don’t remember a lot about that night. After all, it was forty years ago. But I do remember one team was called “Ramona and Her Pet Burro, Bob”. How could you forget that, right? I also remember one of the questions was,…”What were the tail numbers on Sky King’s plane?” What??? I knew I was witnessing trivia royalty when one young student slammed his hand down on the buzzer in a fraction of a second and shouted out…”N5348A!” You’re kidding! Ok, I Googled it just now…but I was in awe back then. Who remembers stuff like that?
\nMy memory isn’t what it used to be. You don’t get to Medicare age without losing a little something. It’s been made worse by grief and the head injury I suffered in February didn’t help matters. I’ll bet memory loss…or, “grief brain”…is the subject I address most often with those who have recently lost a loved one. I remember I thought I was going crazy or something was wrong with me when I couldn’t keep track of anything in the first couple of years after losing Mr. Virgo. I made lists and then couldn’t remember where I put them. Or my notes seemed cryptic and made no sense when I revisited them. It was a scary time. Will my memory come back? Will it get worse? What is wrong with me?
\nI don’t remember who told me about grief brain (see???) but I do very much recall the overwhelming sense of relief I felt knowing it wasn’t just me. That’s when I knew for sure I needed to write this blog. Because not everyone has someone to mentor them and while I wasn’t far enough along to actually BE a mentor, I could share what I was learning and feeling along the way. One of the greatest gifts you are given from grief comes when you turn around and offer a hand to someone who is further back the road than you are. It is the price we pay for the grace we receive during our own grief journey.
\nMemory…its a slippery sucker. I still will get a brilliant flash of an idea for a post that I just know will resonate with someone…and if I don’t write it down, or make some sort of correlation in my mind to remember it later, it’s gone. That is probably the single most frustrating thing I face when I write. I still have a hard time making myself write down ideas because I swear I’ll be able to remember. It’s aggravating. The tool that helps me most is the “Note” app on my phone. I can jot ideas down and when I hit a lean period and have trouble coming up with a topic, I go into my list and find something that is currently applicable. It’s not like it used to be. It never will be. But it works for the most part.
\nJust knowing you aren’t alone in this is often all you need to relax into the flow and be present with your feelings. No matter how difficult your struggle, God is always there with you whether you feel Him or not. Knowing that can bring enormous comfort. ❤️
\n“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.””\nJoshua 1:9 NIV
\n\n", "date_published": "2018-01-02T02:30:57-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/01/02/ramona-and-her-pet-burro.html", "tags": ["Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Hope","West Virginia","The Farm","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","God","Peace","Wisdom","Presence"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/12/31/true-love-has-no-end.html", "title": "True Love Has No End", "content_html": "
![\"Couple](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/3a80f0cb47.jpg\")
\nThey weren’t much more than kids when they met. I remember the first time I met my cousin Tommy’s girlfriend, Suzy. I had such a crush on Tommy in his Navy whites. And Suzy was as sweet as they come. She’s been around as long as I can remember.
\nI’ve told you about Tommy. He has mesothelioma. There is no cure. And up until the last few years, there really wasn’t much to even offer people in the way of treatment. But they did their homework and took Tommy to the doc who wrote the book on Meso and as a result, he has had two really good years he may not have had before.
\nThe treatments Tom has received are not without side effects. The toxic meds have all but killed his kidneys. They have exhausted treatment after treatment yet, thanks to generous donations and scientific breakthroughs, more and more treatments become available. Maybe someday, they will find a cure. Because…you know. Cancer sucks.
\nTommy faces his illness and death with a positive attitude and a great deal of courage. They haven’t been afraid to “start the conversation”. They talk about death and his design…how does he want his story to end when he gets to the last chapter. Suzy is brave and strong. Their love knows no bounds as they recently celebrated their 56th wedding anniversary.
\nThis year, Tommy wanted to give his “best girl” a gift that would knock her socks off. He wanted something so deeply meaningful that she would cherish it forever. Their daughter videotaped the moment for posterity. Suzy opened her gift ever so slowly. Indoor/outdoor slippers. (laughter) Then someone points out there’s something inside. Suzy looks closer and there it is…a small box tucked into one slipper.
\n“You stinker,” she gently chided this man she’s known forever.
\nShe goes on to open the second gift when a puzzled look comes across her face. She turns to Tom and says, “For us?” She thought they were a matching set of rings. She looks again and finally can see…they are earrings. Someone off camera says…”Look at the ring.”
\nSuzy is still puzzled then Tommy holds up his left hand and she can see he is no longer wearing his wedding band.
\n“No!” she cried. “No! Not your ring!” You can see she is instantly devastated. Until Tommy bends toward her and shows her that he has had the date of their wedding engraved on the back. At this point, The enormity of this selfless gift suddenly hits Suzy and she puts her face in her hand and cries.
\nThis is a sweet, personal moment between two wonderful people who love each other without limits. No disease…no cancer…not even death will truly separate these two. I asked for permission to share their story here. For one reason, I love them both so much. Second, I wanted to stress the importance of having “the conversation”, and three…I wanted to give you an idea what to do with his/her ring. Earrings made from a ring that has been cut in half would make a wonderful remembrance.
\nWe don’t know the future. It’s not a matter of if, you know. It’s…when. We pray for a cure. We pray for new medicines. We pray for good quality of life. Time. We pray for time. Lots and lots. Oodles of time. We will love our loved ones like it’s our last day on earth…or theirs. And we will hold fast to the tokens of love like there’s no tomorrow. ❤️
\n\n“Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.”\nPhilippians 2:4 ESV
\n\n", "date_published": "2017-12-31T02:30:44-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/12/31/true-love-has-no-end.html", "tags": ["Family","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","West Virginia","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","Love","Peace","Wisdom","Humbled","Aging"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/12/30/let-me-entertain-you.html", "title": "Let Me Entertain You", "content_html": "
![\"Gluten](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/ba22e3b6b9.jpg\")
\nOne of the all time BEST things about Mr. FixIt is this…he LOVES to have guests over as much as I do. I know it’s hart for you to believe but…I love to talk with people and learn about them and visit and tell stories. We had dinner guests three times this week. What a blessing it is to share a table with friends and family.
\nWe started with an appetizer of baked brie en croute with fig jam. It sounds like something complicated but it wasn’t. I bought it at Sam’s, baked it at 375 for 20 minutes. Done!
\nOur dinner guests brought salad and I served it with hot rolls and an aioli of crushed herbs, salt, pepper, more of that wonderful Chardonnay Garlic infused olive oil drizzled over top, and a small pool of both Mango pulp and Blueberry vinegar. Yummmmm!
\nFor the main course, I roasted two chickens. I did something completely different. I stuffed them with whole garlic cloves, quartered onions, and wedges of lemon. I trussed them up with kitchen twine, rubbed the sling with Chardonnay Garlic Olive Oil and sprinkled them with fresh ground pepper, ground pink Himalayan salt, more garlic, rustic herbs, and crushed rosemary. I placed a parking rack in a roasting pan and baked them at 350 for a little over 2 hours. OMGosh! When I cut into that chicken and the aroma of lemon and garlic hit the air? Wowza! It was awesome.
\nI accompanied the meal with fresh steamed broccoli with mashed potatoes and gravy (Sam’s ready made Yukon Gold Mashed Potatoes and Teay’s Valley Cream gravy made this part of the prep fast and easy.)
\nDessert was homemade Gluten Free Bread Pudding with a dollop of French Vanilla Ice Cream. It was pretty heavenly!
\nServed with a Pinot Noir or my personal favorite, Fré dealcoholized wine, this was a meal fit for royalty. And it really wasn’t that difficult, or expensive, to throw together.
\nHere’s the recipe for the dessert. Bon Appetit!
\nGluten Free Bread Pudding
\n6-8 slices of stale gluten free bread, cubed\n4 eggs\n2 cups milk\n3 tablespoons Splenda blend brown sugar\n1/2 c. Stevia for baking\n1/2 tsp. Cinnamon\n1/4 tsp. Apple Pie Spice\n1 tsp Vanilla\n1/2 tsp salt\n3-4 big handfuls of raisins\nAbout 2/3 c. chopped pecan4 T. butter, melted
\nCube bread and place in prepared baking dish. In this case, I used an 8” iron skillet sprayed with Baker’s Joy.
\nAdd raisins and pecans.
\nMix the rest of the ingredients and pour over bread. Using a fork, press the cubed bread down into the egg mixture to moisten it thoroughly. Drizzle the melted butter over the top. Bake in a preheated 350 degree oven till the top begins to brown and the filling is springy to the touch. Serve warm with ice cream.
\n❤️
\n“Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and eat with him, and he with me.”\nRevelation 3:20 ESV
\n\n", "date_published": "2017-12-30T02:30:39-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/12/30/let-me-entertain-you.html", "tags": ["Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","Fun","West Virginia","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","Love","Peace","Wisdom","Starting Over"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/12/28/hygge-comfort.html", "title": "Hygge = Comfort", "content_html": "
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/58805cf25d.jpg\")
\nYesterday was a much better day. It still amazes me how quickly things shift for me since losing Mr. Virgo. Yes, it’s been nearly five years since he died. Yes, I am in a wonderful, fulfilling relationship. But am I the same as I was before the loss? No…not by a long shot. Is every aspect of that a bad thing? The loss…yes. The grief has been incredibly difficult. But the peace and personal growth I have grasped between the waves is nothing short of miraculous.
\nI spent some time at the farm, soaking in the quiet winter sounds. Then came here to a quiet house. Mr. FixIt was off running errands so I curled up on the sofa, wrapped in the warmth of my fur throw made from the coat Mr. Virgo gave me our first married Christmas. The fire was going. The tree was lit. The soft scented candle I got for Christmas filled the air with the sweetness of apples and cinnamon. I asked Alexa to play the Zen Garden station on Amazon Music. The sun outside the window glittered on the new fallen snow. A cardinal sang in the brush next to the house. A cup of tea sat at my side. The freedom and peace was palpable.
\nAgain, in my ever hopeful way, I stared out the window…searching the barren landscape for the beauty of winter. It’s difficult for me. I’m a summer girl. I let my eyes move across the the hill to the road and over to the meadow. I love it here. There’s five acres of flat land out there. I let my mind wander to past dreams. I’ve always wanted a place where I could hold retreats for artists, writers, craftspeople. A place where my Sisters and Girl Camper friends could bring their trailers and circle around a campfire. The big pole building out back is the perfect size for barn sales and dances. I let my eyes move on. There’s a pool between the building and the house. I smiled. Pool parties, family gatherings, barbecues. I have plenty of things to look forward to in the coming months.
\nI am also reminded of the term “hygge”. Originating in Scandinavia, the term means “simple, cozy pleasures, gratefulness, focusing on a better quality of life, taking pleasure in the presence in the gentle, an appreciation of the simple things in life, soothing things, a practical way of creating sanctuary, a place to restore and revive in the middle of very real life, evoking feelings of comfort” according to a recent article by Jan Zimmer, (Port Huron, Mich.) of the Times Herald. This will be my focus for the coming months. I will embrace the sunshine when it comes. I will listen for the song of the winter birds. I will sample teas and read and commune with my love. And, I will enjoy this end of the pendulum’s swing while I have it. ❤️
\n“…his favor lasts a lifetime; weeping may stay for the night, but rejoicing comes in the morning.”\nPsalm 30:5 NIV
\n\n", "date_published": "2017-12-28T02:30:42-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/12/28/hygge-comfort.html", "tags": ["Uplifting Stories","Grief","Hope","Positive Energy","West Virginia","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","Love","Peace","Wisdom","Humbled"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/12/27/postholiday-blues-or-just-getting.html", "title": "Post-Holiday Blues or Just Getting Back to Normal?", "content_html": "
![\"Rain](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/c640b6414c.jpg\")
\nIs it the “blues”? Feeling a little depressed after the holidays? Things have you out of sorts? Once the last cookie has been consumed, the last gift unwrapped, the last guest sent off…it can feel like such a let down. Add to that a total disregard for your previously fairly pristine diet and you could be in a sugar crash, gluten-induced, holiday frazzled funk.
\nThat’s where I found myself last night. We had dinner guests. My second cousin and his wife came over to celebrate their 36th wedding anniversary with us. I cooked all day…homemade spaghetti sauce, pasta, and apple dumplings for desert. I have been so super cautious for the last two years and have stayed away from gluten. I find I have more energy, my mood is stable, and my gut is much happier when I keep wheat and sugar out of my diet. Then…Christmas happened. A “just this once” became “that went ok, this won’t hurt” and before I knew it…I was OD-ing on a regular basis with bread, cookies, pie, cake. I knew I was playing with fire, but I couldn’t help myself.
\nI’ve been craving spaghetti all month. The brownies didn’t kill me. The cookies didn’t present too much of an issue. How bad could spaghetti be? Ohhhh, I found out. Spaghetti is about as densely concentrated a source of gluten as you can get and my body finally stood its ground and said , “What the heck do you think you’re doing, lady?! Are you crazy???” My company hadn’t even left before I really began to feel ill…and blue.
\nIt felt like the blues of grief. And, that could be part of it, I’m sure. With the holidays come waves of grief. But I knew I had been pushing the envelope with my wheat and sugar consumption so I did some research. It turns out, according to a study reported in Psychology Today, gluten, wheat, and corn syrup solids can cause anxiety and depression in people with non-celiac gluten sensitivity. Bingo!
\nWhen the holidays settle down, we actually return to our normal state and that can feel like the blues. We often feel the same sort of thing when we return to real life from a fabulous vacation. Add gluten sensitivity to the mix and it’s a sure recipe for feeling yucky. It’s time to start back on my clean and green diet again. I’ve never felt…or looked…better than I do when I’m eating right, exercising, drinking plenty of water, and getting enough rest. It’s more than a New Year’s Resolution. It’s a prescription for leading my best life and enjoying it. ❤️
\n“For day and night your hand was heavy on me; my strength was sapped as in the heat of summer. Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity. I said, “I will confess my transgressions to the Lord.” And you forgave the guilt of my sin.”\nPsalm 32:4-5 NIV
\n", "date_published": "2017-12-27T02:30:21-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/12/27/postholiday-blues-or-just-getting.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Strong Women","Positive Energy","Growth","New Ideas","Grace","God","Wisdom"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/12/26/practicing-minimalism.html", "title": "Practicing Minimalism", "content_html": "![\"Opening](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/4ebfd31ac0.jpg\")
\nI’ve had opulent Christmases where opening presents was a long, drawn out affair. And, I’ve had lean Christmases where money was scarce. I’ve seldom had a Christmas where we just intentionally bought each other a small gift so we could do something else…in this case, put new carpet in the family room that we recently painted. I have to tell you, it felt good to not have to worry about shopping, wrapping, paying for, and storing more “stuff” while still having a small token to enjoy.
\nI gave Mr. FixIt a nice weather station that records wind speed and direction, rainfall, temperature and humidity. It’s connected to the WiFi so we can check our weather at home wherever we are through an app on the phone. Kind of fun!
\nI got a much needed cushion for my banker’s chair and a book commemorating the Centennial of our high school. We had a big breakfast, watched movies, and went for a long drive to look at Christmas lights. Perfect!
\nAnd now, Christmas is over for another year. We’ll still have a week of festivities surrounding New Year’s, and then we have that long stretch of cold, grey winter. That’s what does me in. I love the cold and snow…at Christmas. Then I’m ready for March. It’s better now that Mr. FixIt is in the picture. He brings a welcome distraction. I remember the first winter or two after Mr. Virgo died were absolutely miserably long! I think Christmas lights should be left up till at least the end of February to bring light and joy into the night!
\nWe are planning a lot of activities to pass the time till warm weather returns. Hand therapy will take some time. Dinner parties, crafting weekends with the girls, sewing projects. I want to teach Mr. FixIt’s daughter how to knit. Maybe his granddaughters would like to learn, too. There are projects inside that need doing…stripping wallpaper and painting, replacing the backsplash and countertops in the kitchen, replacing some doors and baseboards. Lots to keep us busy.
\nThis is my new life. I still sometimes sit in awe that I have been blessed with another opportunity to love, another family to cherish, another home to care for. It seems surreal after so much loss, so much pain. I swore I would never do this again. Oh….but, I’m SO glad I did. I wouldn’t have missed this for anything! What a blessing this is! ❤️
\n“Better a little with the fear of the Lord than great wealth with turmoil.”\nProverbs 15:16 NIV
\n", "date_published": "2017-12-26T02:30:08-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/12/26/practicing-minimalism.html", "tags": ["Family","Grief","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Love","Peace","Holiday","Wisdom"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/12/24/santa-is-real.html", "title": "Santa IS Real", "content_html": "![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/d52e8da8f9.jpg\")
\nHe held three beautiful children on his lap that afternoon in the mall. Three shining faces, looking up at him in rapt attention, their eyes glittering in awe. He’d done this many times over the years…listening to the repeated requests for dolls, trucks, maybe a baby brother or sister once in awhile. It never got old with him. He was born to be Santa!
\nAs the children got up one by one and gave the jolly man a hug, they smiled into the camera for that “Christmas Card shot” and he sent them on their way with a candy cane and a wave. He looked around and saw the line had finally thinned and he could take a much needed break. That’s when he saw her.
\nA woman stood alone, a fair distance away, but not so far that he missed her tears. Their eyes met and he held her gaze for a few moments.
\n“What’s this?” he thought. “Something’s up.”
\nThe cocked his head to the side, and without looking away, he moved slightly to his left in the chair, and patted the seat beside him. The woman looked a little startled, as though she might turn and run. But, he softened his shoulders, softened his eyes, and patted again.
\nThe woman gripped the wad of Kleenex in her hand, took a deep breath, and moved cautiously forward. At first, she sat on the stool at his feet with her eyes cast down. She didn’t say a word. He bent forward and whispered.
\n“Please, sit here. Come up here where I can talk to you.”
\nThe woman dutifully got up and moved to the seat beside him. He could tell she was visibly distraught and he didn’t want to rush her. There was no one in the line and the mall had hit the mid afternoon slump.
\nThe woman began to whisper and he had to lean in close to hear her.
\n“I lost my husband.” she said. “I need a new heart.” At this point, she burst into tears. He put his arm around her. He pulled her close in to his side and whispered.
\n“I am so sorry.” There wasn’t much more he could say to that.
\nThe woman struggled and managed to choke out the words. She had lost her husband to a sudden heart attack as they were standing in a travel trailer, picking out one to take them on adventures in retirement. And then he was just gone. She didn’t know how she was going to live without him. It broke his heart.
\nAfter a while, the woman regained her composure and apologized.
\n“Oh, I’m so sorry. I must look a fright!” she said.
\n“You’re perfect.” he whispered as he handed her another Kleenex and they smiled at each other. She got up to leave.
\n“Will you have your picture taken with me?” he asked.
\n“Really? I’d love to.” she replied.
\nAs the “elf” handed her the photo, she looked at it and her lip quivered ever so slightly.
\n“Thank you for stopping.” he said.
\n“Thank you for being real.” she whispered back.
\nIt’s been five Christmases since I met my Santa. Every year, I send him my letter, telling him what I’ve done this year…things I’ve accomplished, things I still need to do. And I thank him. For being so kind to a grieving widow suffering through her very first Christmas without her love. Santa writes back and tells me his life was forever changed that day and he is so happy to see me doing better every year.
\nIt’s going to be a big letter this year! I get to tell him about Mr. FixIt and how much bigger my family is now after adding 12 more people to it…including a new great granddaughter! I get to tell him about our travels and how we got to spend time with my Colorado family this year and how much I miss them at Christmas.
\nI think I taught him a lot that year. I taught him just how difficult it is that first year without your love. The second was probably worse. At least, it was for me. If you are struggling with the loss of your loved one, do be gentle with yourself. This is such a fragile time of year. I’m here to say…with time, prayer, hard work, and perseverance, life can get better again. Joy cometh in the morning, the Bible says. And, it does.
\nOh, and just in case you’re wondering…Santa IS real. And…he is my friend. ❤️
\nDear Santa…
\n“May the Lord repay you for what you have done. May you be richly rewarded by the Lord, the God of Israel, under whose wings you have come to take refuge.””\nRuth 2:12 NIV
\nLove,
\nGinny
\n\n", "date_published": "2017-12-24T02:30:27-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/12/24/santa-is-real.html", "tags": ["Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","Peace","Holiday","Wisdom","Humbled","Starting Over"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/12/13/just-one-more-day-with.html", "title": "Just One More Day With Wanda", "content_html": "
![\"Aqua](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/c1b6956e68.jpg\")
\nYesterday’s post struck a sad place within my heart so I wanted to take today in a different direction, though in the end…I’m not sure I have. I’ve really loved all the reminiscing we’ve been doing this month. There were certainly Christmases that were difficult for me growing up and I don’t have good memories of them. But most of my holiday memories are all warm and fuzzy.
\n![\"Blonde](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/f0fec18dab.jpg\")
\nI ran across this photo the other day on Pinterest. Remember aqua? Mom let me “redecorate” the living room when I was in high school. Man…that woman must have loved me to the core to let me do what I did to her house! First, we bought the aqua sofa. Then I painted the walls a lighter shade of aqua. We found a room sized remnant of a dark aqua shag rug that I put down. I found shiny drapes in the same dark aqua. We bought these blonde wood end tables, probably at Sid’s Furniture. The lamps had odd angles and big shades. The piece de resistance was a big wall clock with an atomic sunburst pattern. OMGosh! It was like living in an aquarium! Too bad we didn’t have this aqua Christmas tree. That would have been a hoot. My poor mom kept that color in her living room till the day she died some 44 years later.
\n![\"Grey](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/02484f4405.jpg\")
\nOur kitchen was so small. The walls were pale yellow. We had this same grey Formica table and chairs. The countertop was green with metal trim around the edges. Mom put up sunny yellow curtains with ruffles and it looked so cheery. The bathroom had pink fixtures. Mom let me paint and wallpaper in there sometime in the ‘80s. Remember when peach was a color you painted walls? Turquoise, peach with pink, yellow with green and grey. Lord have mercy. Mom loved it…because I did it. She wouldn’t let me change a thing. Partially because it meant she might have to get rid of stuff and I can absolutely relate to how daunting a chore that is.
\nIt took months to fix it all up after she passed so I could sell her house. She would have loved the changes. I think. Maybe. I loved the new look. It was hard to sell that house when I was done and I’ve regretted the decision ever since.
\nI miss my mom. I miss our talks every Sunday. I miss her cool hands on my brow. I miss her calling me “Sis”. Or, Virginia Lynne if she was mad at me. I miss her naïveté to the ways of the world. I miss her big, loving heart. I miss making her laugh till she couldn’t catch her breath. I miss her spirit and her attempts at cussing. She couldn’t spit the words out. I miss her loyalty and her generosity. I miss her especially at Christmas. She used to frustrate the heck out of me, which is what moms sometimes do to their daughters, I think. But….oh my. What I wouldn’t give to spend just one more day with Wanda. ❤️
\n“So also you have sorrow now, but I will see you again, and your hearts will rejoice, and no one will take your joy from you.”\nJohn 16:22 ESV
\n", "date_published": "2017-12-13T02:30:25-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/12/13/just-one-more-day-with.html", "tags": ["Family","Grief","West Virginia","Growth","Gratitude","Love","Holiday"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/12/12/change.html", "title": "Change", "content_html": "![\"WV](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/8b5c1a7872.jpg\")
\nOne of the hardest things to deal with since losing Mr. Virgo is…change. And of course, that is the one thing you can absolutely count on in this life. Change. Things change. People change. Situations change. And, unfortunately…places change.
\nI have to tell you, sometimes you have no way of knowing what God has up His sleeve when He leads you down a certain path. Why this way and not that? Sometimes we never figure it out. Other times, it becomes crystal clear. I love those times. Even when they break my heart.
\nWhen I first came to West Virginia, it was just a year and a half after losing Mr. Virgo. I lived on the family farm but only for a few weeks. When my aunt decided she really didn’t want help, I went off on my own for a couple years. I never dreamed I’d have the opportunity to come back and be the caretaker of the home of my heart. When my uncle asked me to take care of the place for him, I jumped at the chance.
\nI know God has a reason behind every move. There was a plan before I was born. I hadn’t really thought about why I got to live at the farm again. Until yesterday. Mr. FixIt and I have noticed a lot of heavy dump trucks going up the road lately. We heard this summer that they’re putting in a compressor station back beyond the farm so we surmised the work had begun. When we got there yesterday, I drove past the farm and went up the back road. It wasn’t long till we saw the signs. “Road Work Ahead” and “Flagger: Prepare to Stop”.
\nIt’s funny. You hear change is coming. You see what other places look like when they change. Yet, you’re completely unprepared when the change comes and it affects your world. I’m a go-with-the-flow kinda gal, but when I saw them cutting into MY earth, MY world, my HEART…it crushed me. I motioned for the flagger to come over. I asked for details. “What are they doing there?” “How far back are they going?” “How long will this take?” He was a young man. Respectful. He seemed to understand this was hurtful to me. He explained carefully what steps they were taking. I sat and stared till the tears stung my eyes then I had to go.
\nI remember when they clear cut the back of the farm. I felt like this. But, trees grow back. This is a permanent scar that will never heal. As I sat and watched the big dump trucks back out the ridge to be filled with MY earth, the Holy Spirit whispered to my heart.
\n“This is why you were given this time on the farm. You are here to memorize every inch of the place. You are here to document the passage. You are here to be a witness.”
\nChange is inevitable. I know that. I’m doing better with change. I don’t like it. And I especially don’t like them messing with the home of my heart. But, I’m also a realist. I’m pragmatic. There is now going to be a paved road out to the back of this ridge. There will be easier access to the workable land and that will improve the value of the farm. That’s the upside. There’s going to be a lot of sound pollution, increased traffic, as well as some environmental risks. That’s the downside.
\nI’ve always known my time on the farm is limited. I’ll still be taking care of it for the foreseeable future. And I’ll be saying goodbye to what it once was…one truckload of dirt at a time. ❤️
\n“For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:”\nEcclesiastes 3:1 ESV
\n", "date_published": "2017-12-12T02:30:30-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/12/12/change.html", "tags": ["Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","West Virginia","The Farm","Growth","New Ideas","Grace","God","Wisdom","Humbled","Starting Over"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/12/09/its-ok-to-sayno.html", "title": "It’s Ok to Say...No!", "content_html": "![\"Background\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/097e55ae69.jpg\")
\nThe first year of widowhood, absolutely everything was totally overwhelming. I cried my way through the grocery story. I was filled with angst over making decisions as small as getting my hair cut while I easily went out on a three month trip in my little camper. Work was difficult and I made mistakes. I sat through family holidays literally biting the insides of my cheeks to keep from screaming. It was so hard.
\nThe second year wasn’t much better for me. Worse, in many ways. Mainly because now I was awake and aware and he was still gone. This, however, was the year I learned to say no. In the tiniest of ways. When I felt overwhelmed during the holiday celebrations, I left the room for a break. And no one made a fuss. No one got mad. No one had a hissy fit. As a matter of fact, I’m not really sure they noticed. And that emboldened me to try saying no more often.
\nThis is the fifth Christmas without Mr. Virgo. You would think after this long, and having a new love in my life, I’d have a handle on this whole grief thing, wouldn’t you? But, I don’t always. Take the last month, for instance. My stress level went through the roof. Mr. FixIt and I started fixing up his house. We had his family over for Thanksgiving. I’m just getting to know them and I really want things to be good. We traveled to see some of my relatives over Thanksgiving. Mr. FixIt traveled and I took care of two homes, five cats, cleaning, decorating and rearranging. Then we had pre-op visits and his surgery. I had a huge change in my health insurance and my bill went up. Not something I planned for. I need new brakes on my truck.
\nI always go see the kids and grands in Colorado at Christmas. I kept putting off buying my tickets because I didn’t know how this surgery would affect Mr. FixIt. I didn’t know how long it would be till he could drive, cook, even dress himself. Everything piled up and my anxiety was through the roof. Finally, I had a talk with my daughter. I explained my situation and before I could even finish, she said, “Mom, it’s ok. You’ve got a lot on your plate and you have to do what you have to do. The kids are big enough now to understand adult stuff happens and things don’t always work out the way you planned. Don’t worry about it…it’s fine. Really.” And…just like that…the weight fell off my shoulders. I hadn’t even realized how tense I’ve been till I let go of that and sighed.
\nAs it turns out, it’s absolutely the right decision. Mr. FixIt’s surgery went well, but there are things we hadn’t thought of that he can’t do alone. Opening his pill bottles. Washing the dishes. Showering and dressing. I know this man. If I’m not watching, he’ll be trying to do things he should NOT be doing. I told my friend, Gail, I wasn’t going to Colorado. She said, “Family is important. But so are new relationships.”
\nIt’s ok to say no. It’s ok to acknowledge your limits. It’s ok to take care of yourself and not feel guilty. It’s ok not to be the perfect mother, grandmother, lover, friend, wife, sister, colleague. It’s ok to not go to that party. It’s ok to turn down that invitation to the ornament exchange party. It’s ok to back out of something you thought you could do, but when the tie came to do it it just felt too overwhelming. It’s ok. It’s ok. It’s ok.
\nYesterday Mr. Fixit and I hung out at the house all day in our jammies. We watched movies. We ate good food. I made homemade vegetable beef soup and hot rolls. We didn’t do a darned thing and that was ok. My stress level dropped exponentially after the surgery was over and I knew I didn’t have to scrape together enough money for a plane ticket in a week or two.
\nThe lesson learned here is…there’s really not much that you absolutely HAVE to do surrounding holidays. We have such great expectations and they seldom pan out the way we imagine them anyway. So, why not just give yourself a break and stop trying to create the perfect holiday? Try these things instead…
\nPractice saying no once in a while.
\nMake a cup of tea.
\nBreathe.
\nEat a chocolate.
\nRead a magazine.
\nGo for a walk.
\nTake a nap.
\nSend a card.
\nWatch your favorite movie.
\nTake a bubble bath.
\nLight candles in the evening.
\nCall a friend.
\nDraw a picture.
\nKnit.
\nBake cookies.
\nWatch the snow fall.
\nGo for a drive.
\nDonate to charity.
\nListen to music.
\nGet a massage.
\nPray.
\nSelf care. It’s not selfish. It doesn’t have to be expensive. Reduce your holiday expectations. Just say…”No…no, thank you. I’d love to another time. Thank you so much for asking but I’m stretched so thin right now, I need to practice some self care.” Be honest. Tell the truth. Just. Say. No.
\n“Beloved, I pray that all may go well with you and that you may be in good health, as it goes well with your soul.”\n3 John 1:2 ESV
\n", "date_published": "2017-12-09T02:30:49-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/12/09/its-ok-to-sayno.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Hope","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Holiday","Wisdom"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/12/05/he-loves-melike-that.html", "title": "He Loves Me...”Like That”", "content_html": "![\"Man](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/c29a911247.jpg\")
\nIt was December 4th, 2013. It had been 267 days since the love of my life died right in front of me. It was 267 largely sleepless nights. I had made myself put one foot in front of the other…day after miserable, lonely day…for 2-6-7 long $&@#%€* days. I was tired. I was broken. But I was trying.
\nOn this day, I went to work. It was normally an hour commute each way, but on this particular day, the skies opened up and snow started falling at an alarming rate. The further west I drove heading home, the deeper the snow became. When I finally pulled up in front of my house, there was nearly 18” of heavy, wet snow in my driveway. I slogged up the drive and got my snow shovel out. You know…the one with MY name on it…not Mr. Virgo’s. He was gone. Two-hundred-sixty-seven days of…gone.
\nI shoveled for what seemed like hours. I was numb…physically and emotionally. I could hardly make a dent in the snow removal. I barely got my car in off the street when I gave up and went inside. I marched straight to our…MY…bedroom. I stood in front of the picture of Mr. Virgo and yelled at him. I screamed. I cried. I ranted and raved. He had a lot of nerve leaving me like this…with this house and this mess and this…LIFE! I didn’t ask for this. I didn’t want this. I was just so $&@# tired. I didn’t care if I lived or died, to be perfectly honest.
\nThat was a particularly dark and dreadful season in my life. There were a lot of people who helped me through that. I had support from those who loved me and from complete strangers in several widow’s support groups on Facebook. I’m only active in a couple of them now. I see myself there now as a symbol of hope, having survived the worst of it.
\nThe other day, one of the women in the group said “No one will ever love me like that again”. I couldn’t let her go on thinking that…believing that. I know early on…I couldn’t imagine loving again. If for no other reason than I was sure another loss like that would surely kill me. Then time passed, wounds scarred over, and color started to filter back into my life. I started to think…maybe I COULD do this again. I prayed a lot about it and asked God to place a worthy man right in front of me. And…He did.
\nI wanted this woman to know…your heart can beat again. You can open it up. You can give and receive love. It’s been almost five years since my world fell apart. And, while this man is so different than my late husband, he loves me “like that”. I feel the same joy true love brings. I feel the same hope, warmth, trust. This one is far more passionate…partially because I’m acutely aware of what I lost and I find this so precious. Which brings me to the biggest difference. Fear. When my husband was alive and I used to have the fleeting thought…”What if he died?” I had absolutely zero understanding of what devastation that loss would bring. Now, I know exactly what that loss brought to me. I still don’t know what losing this man would be like, but I have a $&@# good idea. I try to keep the wolves at bay and live in the moment, but they’re always howling in the woods somewhere.
\nGod did not create in us a spirit of fear but a spirit of power and love and self-control. 2 Timothy 1:7 is one of my go-to verses when I’m feeling weak and out of control. Mr. FixIt is having some reconstruction surgery on his hand Thursday. Even though I worked most of my career in medicine and was married to a physician for two decades, since losing Mr. Virgo, I don’t handle medical situations very well…especially when it involves someone I love. I read 2 Timothy, and asked a friend to come join me at the hospital for coffee and a chance to catch up. I know it’s not a huge invasive surgery, but I know things can happen. This man loves me…”like that”. I will do my very best to support him in whatever comes our way because…I love him “like that”, too. ❤️
\n“for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.”\n2 Timothy 1:7 ESV
\n\n", "date_published": "2017-12-05T02:30:03-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/12/05/he-loves-melike-that.html", "tags": ["Faith","Colorado","Family","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Forgiveness","Humbled","Starting Over"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/11/29/the-shift.html", "title": "The Shift", "content_html": "
![\"Christmas](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/08a030f2c5.jpg\")
\nThe earth shifted yesterday. Did you feel it? I did. Mr. FixIt is about halfway through his guy getaway to Florida with his buddy and I’ve been staying at his house…feeding cats, cleaning, decorating, rearranging. It’s been great fun.
\nFor those of you who have been following from the beginning, I downsized and got rid of ninety-five percent of my personal belongings when I sold my house in 2014. I brought those things to West Virginia that I could not part with. A friend has been so kind as to let me store them in his basement all this time. I went over a couple of weeks ago and brought a whole truckload over to Mr. FixIt’s house. The Christmas decorations were all put out so yesterday, I got into the boxes of decorator items. A pink Fenton hurricane lamp, an antique cast iron rabbit doorstop, some quilts, my raven decoy, a sign that says “Kindness Matters”…these found themselves mingled with Mr. FixIt’s memories. Looking at the finished project, they could have all been purchased together for just the same house
\nI went back into the storage room and lugged the heaviest box to the kitchen. This is where I felt the shift. Do you sense what’s happening here? I’m nesting. The lines of “yours” and “mine” are blurring. Nowhere did I feel this as much as when I opened that heavy box. It was filled with china. Precious cargo that has been carted from one side of the country to the other…never seeing the light of day.
\nOne winter day, what seems like a lifetime ago, Mr. Virgo and I were shopping for a tablecloth. When I caught up with him, he was standing in front of a display of china. He was studying something intently so I followed his gaze. When I saw what he was looking at, I gasped out loud. Royal Doulton’s “Tennyson”. I’ve never seen anything so beautiful. And, six months later, I got eight place settings for my birthday. I sat down and cried like a little girl. I’d never had anything so…fine.
\nThose dishes were packed away in 2014 when I sold my house. Yesterday…I carefully unwrapped each one, inspecting them for chips or cracks. They were perfect. I carefully hand washed and dried each piece and set them out on the dining room table in Mr. FixIt’s house. I thought about how far I have come in the nearly five years since Mr. Virgo died.
\nMr. FixIt and I still have an unconventional relationship. He has his place, I am taking care of the family farm. We stay a little here, a little there. We travel, and we stay apart a little. It works for now.
\nI am so blessed that Mr. FixIt gets me. He’s an angel…tolerant of many things. And he’s thrilled to spend whatever time he can with me. The feelings are mutual. ❤️
\n“Unless the Lord builds the house, the builders labor in vain…”\nPsalm 127:1 NIV
\n\n", "date_published": "2017-11-29T02:30:12-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/11/29/the-shift.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","Fun","West Virginia","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","Peace","Wisdom","Humbled","Starting Over"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/11/27/the-ghosts-of-christmas-past.html", "title": "The Ghosts of Christmas Past", "content_html": "
![\"Antique](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/ae88575c4b.jpg\")
\nI think this is my all-time favorite Christmas ornament. It’s been in my family as long as I can remember. I have a dozen or so of the smaller ones of the same era but this is the only big one that survived. I can still remember the box it came in. I am always extremely careful with all my ornaments when I store them, but this one especially so. It is so fragile and the paint has been flaking away for years.
\nThere are so many ornaments on this tree that have a story. Baby’s First Christmas. The angel topper from Grandma’s tree. Hand blown glass Santas. A sterling silver tree that was a gift to Mr. Virgo from The Ritz Carlton in 2011. An Old World Santa with the tip of his Christmas tree broken off that Mr. Virgo rescued from the trash at the Hotel Jerome in Aspen. Dozens of coveted hand made ornaments gathered from my friend Judy’s famous Christmas Ornament Exchange Parties. And, the seven Ne’Qua ornaments Mr. Virgo and I bought together on our trips…one for every Christmas we shared.
\nChristmas has always been my favorite holiday. I found an e-mail the other day where Mr. Virgo had asked me to get our Christmas decorations and stage them in the living room so we could put up our tree that weekend. We always put on White Christmas and decorated the tree together. The first Christmas after he died, I followed the tradition. I did fine until I got up the next morning and saw what I had done. I can’t tell you how close I came to taking the whole thing down and putting it away. I cried for days. It was brutal. The next Christmas was spent in my friend’s apartment, sitting in the dark, staring out the window as the snow slowly drifted down through the circles of light around the old fashioned street lamps of Marietta, Ohio. It was still brutal.
\nThe next two Christmases were spent with my Colorado family. That was much better. We decorated the tree together and baked a million cookies. It was fun.
\nEach holiday season is a little easier. Last year, even though we weren’t together, Mr. FixIt and I had started dating and had fallen in love. Holidays were again filled with light and love and joy. Mr. Virgo was still there with us in spirit but the sadness of his absence had abated somewhat. This year, Mr. FixIt and I did the majority of the tree trimming before he left for Florida. I finished up last night. I’m actually glad I had those few hours decorating alone. I turned on Christmas carols. (I can’t figure out how to turn on Mr. FixIt’s DVD player. ?) I held each special ornament in my hands and thought of the person who made it, or where I got it, or who was there when it was used year after year. The Ghosts of Christmas Past paraded through the room and through my mind and heart as I smiled through the tears that stung the back of my eyes as Tony Bennett crooned The Christmas Song.
\nThis is a new life…a different life. Another chance at love. Another gift of making memories. My heart is full to overflowing with the beauty of it all. God has been so good to me…us. ❤️
\n“A cheerful heart is good medicine…”\nProverbs 17:22 NIV
\n\n", "date_published": "2017-11-27T02:30:52-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/11/27/the-ghosts-of-christmas-past.html", "tags": ["Colorado","Family","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Hope","West Virginia","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","Peace","Holiday","Wisdom","Humbled","Starting Over"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/11/26/o-christmas-tree.html", "title": "O Christmas Tree", "content_html": "
![\"Christmas](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/1fffbc5f7c.jpg\")
\nLast Christmas, Mr. FixIt and I had just been dating a few weeks and December found us traveling in opposite directions. He went to Florida with his buddy and a few days later, I went to Colorado for a month with my kids. That’s the longest we’ve been apart since our first date and we neither one liked it. That’s when I figured things were pretty serious between us.
\nRight around Christmas, I was talking to him on the phone, lamenting that I didn’t get to put up a tree and have a Country Christmas at the farm. When I pulled in the driveway upon my return, I stopped in my tracks. While I was gone, this sweet man had decorated the farmhouse for me to come home to. Not only that, but he was standing there in his grey wool trousers, black dress shoes, a white shirt, and a red sweater vest. He looked so sharp and my heart nearly exploded! What a sweet and generous thing for him to do. He also bought me an indoor lighted Christmas tree, but we didn’t put it up because it was almost New Year’s when I got back from my trip. So, this is the first year we have a tree together.
\nSomeone mentioned they wanted to see a picture and someone else wanted to know about the mechanical angel, so I decided to post a video for you this morning. I still have ornaments to put on but didn’t get home till late last night so I’ll decorate more today.
\nI went to the funeral yesterday. As it turns out, Sis wasn’t just my grandma’s friend and neighbor. We were related…through marriage. I’ve told you before, you can’t throw a stick up this holler without hitting someone I’m related to. I got to see several cousins and met Sis’s son. He’s been my Facebook friend for ages. It’s such a small, small world.
\nI am so relieved that I can attend a funeral service now without wigging out. My friend’s son was killed in an accident a year or so ago. Another friend took one look at me during the visitation and said, “Let’s go.” She got me out in the air and my heart started beating again. You certainly don’t LIKE going to funerals, but you have to be able to express condolences without flipping out and it took me a while to get there. For the longest time, I seriously felt like I was just one crisis away from losing it altogether. That “one crisis theory” hung over my head like Damocles’ sword which increased my anxiety exponentially. Full blown grief is about as close to flat out crazy as you can get. I didn’t know if “I” would ever come back. Thank God I did. I couldn’t live like that forever.
\nMy sweetie is gone for his annual Florida guy’s trip so I’m spending the week catching up with “back burner” things…stuff I put off because it’s much more fun to go play with my bestest buddy. I need to be pretty productive this week! ❤️
\n“Remember this: Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows generously will also reap generously.”\n2 Corinthians 9:6 NIV
\n\n", "date_published": "2017-11-26T02:30:10-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/11/26/o-christmas-tree.html", "tags": ["Family","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Strong Women","Hope","West Virginia","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Holiday","Wisdom","Humbled"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/11/25/its-small-business-saturday.html", "title": "It’s Small Business Saturday", "content_html": "
![\"Shop](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/de9742a1bc.jpg\")
\nI avoid Black Friday like the plague. There is nothing in this whole wide world I…or anyone I know…need bad enough to risk life and limb for. I know there are great deals. I know the color glossies and TV commercials have been pumping everyone with the next great thing they can’t live without. I’m fortunate in that my kids were raised Jewish. They got a little present every night, then one big one on the last night of Hanukkah. They also had Santa but there was only one really extravagant year that I can remember. My kids and grandkids are frugal. They would much rather have money and go shopping at the after Christmas sales. More bang for their buck!
\nI have everything I need. I buy myself a plane ticket every year and go see my Colorado family. I don’t want anything I have to take care of or dust. This year, Mr. FixIt and I have decided instead of getting each other presents for Christmas, we’re going to carpet the family room. We’ll get much more enjoyment out of that than any appliance or sweater. And, it’s the gift that keeps on giving! I encourage you to shop small, hometown, mom & pop businesses this year. Big box stores may have better deals on cheaper goods…but they don’t have the vested interest in you personally that a small business owner has. I’ve owned my own business before…I know. This month makes or breaks a small business. Do your best to keep your money local.
\nI have a funeral to go to today. Sis Strickling passed away. That’s not her first name, nor is this her last name…my family always just called her Sis “Stricklin’”. She was born and raised on the country road a couple miles from the farm. Always sweet and with a smile on her face, my favorite memories of her were at the little one room church house where Grandma went. Sometimes she would come over to the farm for a visit while I was there. She kept her house neat and tidy. After her husband passed away, she went to Ohio to be with her kids. Her memory went at the end and I know it was so hard for her family. I praise God that he gives us an eternal home with no pain, no tears, and no illness. I know her husband and loved ones who went before her met her with open arms.
\nIt took the longest time for me to be able to go to a funeral after Mr. Virgo died. I wasn’t sure I would ever go to another one, but surprisingly…it’s BECAUSE he died that I can go easily now. If I begin to get anxious, I remind myself I am doing this for the loved ones. This has nothing to do with me…it’s all about them. I was so touched by everyone who came to my husband’s funeral. Their presence meant more to me than they will ever know. I remember so few individuals, but I do remember a sea of faces and that equates to a boatload of love. That love helped me through, so that’s why I go to funerals now.
\nMr. FixIt and I put up the Christmas tree last night. It’s our first one together. Blending traditions gave us ample opportunities to discuss and compromise. He wanted the tree in the dining room where you could see it from the road. I wanted it in the family room where WE could see it. We compromised by moving furniture around so we could put the tree in front of the picture window in the family room. This way we can see it from the side road coming in AND while we’re sitting in the family room. I’ll put lights in the dining room window so he can see it from the big road. Even through the top branches of the tree were pretty tippy, the mechanical angel HAD to go on top. I managed to wedge the branches around enough to support her and she is beautiful. Melding…it’s what you do when you keep adding to your family. At this point, if we got everyone I’m related to through marriages together, that would be one huge family portrait. I am so, so blessed to add so many branches to my family tree. ❤️
\n“May the Lord our God be with us as he was with our ancestors; may he never leave us nor forsake us.”\n1 Kings 8:57 NIV
\n\n", "date_published": "2017-11-25T02:30:30-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/11/25/its-small-business-saturday.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Strong Women","Hope","West Virginia","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Humbled","Aging"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/11/22/little-lies.html", "title": "Little Lies", "content_html": "
![\"Pinky](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/0a23834061.jpg\")
\nIs there such a thing as a “little white lie”? I mean, isn’t a lie…a lie? Big or small, untruths between couples erode trust in a relationship. If you have a need to outright lie to your spouse, you might not be with the right person. And what about the sin of omission? Ok, I’ve been guilty of “rounding down a little” when reporting how much I spent on that little black dress I had to have or trying to maintain a secret surrounding a gift. And, if I’m going to be honest here, there have been times in my life when I have not been truthful in a relationship and I’m not married to that person anymore. Which brings up that point again…if you have a need to outright lie to your spouse, you might not be with the right person. I wasn’t way back when. Enough said.
\nI was thrilled when Mr. Virgo came along. He was a great communicator, which was quite refreshing for me. We told each other everything. We told each other stories. I loved his stories. He worked in 5-Star resorts, hotels, and restaurants around the world. He met fascinating people…celebrities, politicians, dignitaries, kings and queens. His stories were enthralling and he loved telling them as much as I loved hearing them.
\nSeveral weeks after Mr. Virgo died, I was going through his personal papers in his dresser and came upon things that shook me up. Things I didn’t know. Things I felt were out of character for the man I knew and loved. Oh, it wasn’t anything like a second family in another state or something of a criminal nature. It was credit cards I didn’t know about. A relationship he had had before me that he never told me about. A business he had lost that had debt I was unaware of. Little things, but little things add up to big things.
\nI didn’t know how to feel. I felt a little betrayed. I felt a little disappointed. I felt a little angry. It added to the sadness and devastation I was already feeling at his loss. I carried that around for a long time and never told anyone because I didn’t want to besmirch Mr. Virgo’s good name. And you know what happens when you hold things in…they rot and swell and become that abscess you need lanced or your soul will explode.
\nI’m sure I’m not the only person who went through this. But I’ve never really talked much about it till the other day I met someone going through the same thing I went through and I knew there was a post in there. I knew somewhere out there, there is at least one person who needs to hear how I handled that, so here we are.
\nWhen I first stumbled across information that I had not known when Mr. Virgo was alive, I was confused. I wasn’t sure exactly what I was looking at. Grief brain addles your mind anyway. Add conflicting information and I was stumped. I wrote things down, made notes, compared conversations till I had a pretty good idea what I was looking at. Then I started the process of reconciling that information and asked myself a number of questions.
\nDoes this new information change how you KNOW you feel about him…how you’ve felt about him since the beginning?
\nFor me, the answer was a resounding “No!”
\nDid he love me? “Yes…more than life itself!”
\nWhy did he not tell me? “He didn’t want to…for whatever reason…and that was his choice to make.”
\nIf I would have known this information before I married him, would I have gone through with the wedding? “Oh, h*** yeah!”
\nMr. Virgo is still the same man I knew and loved and grieve for. The only thing that has changed is thought. Yes, there was some debt to contend with that I wasn’t expecting. That is what life insurance policies are for…debt, funeral expenses, and living expenses till you can stand up and breathe again. It wasn’t much, but it helped me get through the messiness. The relationship he had before me that I didn’t know about? Who cares? He married me. The credit cards I didn’t know about? That is still a puzzle, but one I’ve had to let go of. In the grand scheme of things, it doesn’t matter.
\nUnless it’s something criminal, or there’s a whole secret family you didn’t know about, my advice is…let it go. Obsessing over things never changes the past. It only sullies the present and tarnishes future memories. They make mistakes…they sin…they’re human. Let it go. I prefer to preserve that special relationship I felt before I rummaged around in the bottom drawer of his dresser. It’s better this way. ❤️
\n“Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a worker who has no need to be ashamed, rightly handling the word of truth.”\n2 Timothy 2:15 ESV
\n\n", "date_published": "2017-11-22T02:30:25-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/11/22/little-lies.html", "tags": ["Family","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","Peace","Wisdom","Forgiveness"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/11/21/my-accidental-love.html", "title": "My Accidental Love", "content_html": "
![\"Old](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/5a7657ef16.jpg\")
\nOld Mama Kitty is gone. I haven’t seen her in six days. She’s always at the back door, right at supper time. There were a couple of times this summer when she was gone for a day or two, but never six. She’s old. I know that. Just this fall, she seemed to be telling me she was tired. She has one leg that trembles sometimes…and not necessarily because of a chill in the air.
\nBeing a farm cat, Mama is tough. She doesn’t take any guff from the younger boy cats. If they get too close to her feeding dish, she has no problem swatting them away…claws and fangs bared. They give her a wide berth on the front porch, arcing around her, well out of kitty reach with sly glances from the corner of their eyes. She has probably been to the vet once in her life and that was when she was spayed. She’s never been sick that I know of. She will act like she wants you to pet her, then she swats you if you linger too long. She’s one tough kitty.
\nI thought we’d lost her back in 2014 when I first came to the farm. I walked down to the road to get the mail and coming back, there…by the end of the driveway…was a yellow cat that had been hit by a car. I came up to the house to get my work gloves and a shovel. My aunt was still living on the farm at the time. I went to her and told her I was sorry, but Old Mama Kitty was hit by a car and was gone. I went back down and picked up the cat to take it up by the barn to bury it when…I saw the evidence. This was definitely NOT Old Mama Kitty. This was a boy! I wish I would have had the wherewithal to check that out before I told my aunt.
\nI had only had one cat in my life before coming to the farm. Ginger was yellow with deep gold stripes. I didn’t seem to be allergic to her as a teenager but the older I got, the more indoor cats bothered me. Ginger went to another home when I moved to England after I was married. Mom hadn’t wanted a cat in the first place. She just tolerated her for me.
\nI’ve always been more of a dog person. Dogs are easy to understand. Feed them. Throw the ball. Scratch the good places. Go for walks. They will worship the ground you walk on. Dogs have owners. Cats have staff. You are extra special if a cat loves you. It means you’ve met the criteria.
\nThe problem with pets is, unless you own a large bird or a turtle, they are going to die before you. And every time a pet dies, they take more of your heart away. I’ve had to put four dogs down in my lifetime. It kills me.
\nI don’t want to think of Mama Kitty as “gone”. But, this is what happens with farm animals sometimes. They seem to know when it is their time, I think. I feel a little guilty though. I’ve been away a lot the last couple of weeks helping Mr. FixIt clean and paint his house. I was at the farm every day to feed the cats and spend time with them. Then, six days ago, she just wasn’t there. I called and called and called. It’s sad because I really came to love her. She’s been around forever. She was my Uncle Bob’s cat. He died in 2005. It’s like losing a family member. I know there is still a slim chance she could come back, but I really think it’s time to let her go.
\nPope John Paul II stated that animals have souls and are important beings in God’s creation. And, since souls can go to heaven, it isn’t a stretch to picture our pets running and jumping on us when we get there. I hope to see all my fur babies when I get there!
\nI inherited Old Mama Kitty with the farm. She was my accidental love. And…I’ll really miss her. ❤️
\n“His master said to him, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant. You have been faithful over a little; I will set you over much. Enter into the joy of your master.’”\nMatthew 25:23 ESV
\n", "date_published": "2017-11-21T02:30:28-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/11/21/my-accidental-love.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","West Virginia","The Farm","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Wisdom","Aging","The Cats"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/11/10/brushing-up-against-the-past.html", "title": "Brushing Up Against The Past", "content_html": "![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/e40973f790.jpg\")
\nToday is Veteran’s Day. Every Veteran’s Day, I sent Mr. Virgo a note thanking him for his service. His father was a veteran. His late daughter was a veteran. My dad, my uncle, my first husband, my niece, my late father-in-law…all veterans. Mr. Virgo had military honors at his funeral. I cannot hear taps without feeling a catch in my throat. This time of year brings him closer to the surface.
\nThe other day, one of my dear friends posted a video. In it, she addressed her friends and family. Her nose was red from crying. She sniffled as tears slowly dripped down her cheeks. This is the angelversary week of her husband’s death. It hits her hard every year and even though it’s been eleven years, she relives his final days over and over. It broke my heart. And, of course, it made me think of Mr. Virgo. His was a sudden death. No warning. No long goodbyes. Thankfully, no suffering. I cannot imagine a lingering death. It crushes me.
\nWhile I haven’t cried for him in quite some time, that doesn’t mean I never will again. It certainly doesn’t mean I’m through with grief and loss. That’s something that is forever imprinted in the fibers of my being. But I will say this…I don’t let myself “go there” very often. I used to meditate on him. I felt it was necessary to purge myself of as many tears as possible to clean out my heart from this terrible pain. When tears wouldn’t come, I would look at a picture of him in his casket taken at the viewing… white turtleneck, ivory sweater, hair carefully combed, glasses missing from the CPR efforts. I know that sounds absolutely macabre, but somehow I needed that pain to burn itself out or the fire was going to consume me. I knew this without a doubt.
\nTime and distance has softened Mr. Virgo’s death somehow. It’s like looking at the horizon without my glasses. I see the line…it’s just blurred. If I concentrate, I can bring it back into focus because it’s always there…just beyond where the light spills over. But, something interesting happens when he brushes up against my mind now. When I get close to the memories, I “feel” him instead of “see” him. I mean…literally. While there are some passages in the Bible that allow for a little wiggle room in the idea of “ghosts”, Evangelical Christians believe that we are absent from this place once we die. However, it isn’t far fetched to believe that God may use visions, smells and touch to evoke loving memories of loved ones who have passed.
\nThe other night, Mr. FixIt and I were talking and he said the sweetest thing. He said, “How can we love each other this much?” Immediately, I felt something brush up over my right arm. It surprised me and I sat very still. I looked down at my arm and thought hard. “Do it again.” I whispered in my mind. And there it was…a distinct “touch”…like static electricity on my right forearm. I smiled and looked up at Mr. FixIt. I don’t know how we can love each other this much, but we do.
\nAnd…I’ve a feeling someone else approves. ❤️
\n“We are confident, I say, and would prefer to be away from the body and at home with the Lord.”\n2 Corinthians 5:8 NIV
\n\n", "date_published": "2017-11-10T02:30:35-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/11/10/brushing-up-against-the-past.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Humbled","Starting Over"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/11/07/he-will-cover-you-with.html", "title": "He Will Cover You With His Feathers...", "content_html": "
![\"He](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/663e764471.jpg\")
\nMr. Fixit is doing some cleaning up and updating at his house. We make a really good team working on projects together and he is constantly amazed at the things I can do. I think it really shocked him at first when I did jobs around the farm that may have been labeled “men’s work” in an earlier time. He’ll still watch me do something and shake his head. I usually look at him and say “What?!” He’ll laugh and say, “You amaze me, that’s all. You’re a remarkable woman!” I love that. I love being considered a remarkable woman by a man I greatly admire. It makes me feel both feminine and empowered at the same time.
\nSomewhere in the midst of moving things around at his house the other day, Mr. Fixit stumbled upon a book called Lists to Live by for Every Married Couple. Even though we aren’t married, we figured since we’re a couple, the book ought to work for us as well. Every evening we sit down and read a few pages and discuss the lists. There are lists of activities to do, things to say, things NOT to say, good habits…you know, common sense things that keep marriages (and couples in relationships) on an even keel as they navigate this journey called life. And even though this isn’t our first rodeo, it’s our first in this particular one, so it doesn’t hurt to read.
\nI like that these lists have faith-based items on them. Pray for your partner. Tell your partner you are praying for them. Read the Bible. Go to church. Mr. Fixit hadn’t been to church for thirty-five years until I came along. I never pushed him to go. I just told him that’s where I’d be every Sunday morning. And I was. And one day he said he might go with me every once in awhile. Not every week…but, once in a while. I smiled and said I would love that. Again…no pressure. Then came the Sunday he went with me. Easter, I think. When we came out, his eyes were lit up with a fire! He was so excited. He’d never experienced church like this. He had always fallen asleep in church. THIS church grabbed his attention and kept him engaged the entire service. He’s gone with me every Sunday since unless one or the other of us is traveling.
\nThis is something new for me, as well. To have someone want to go to church with me every week. To hold my hand during worship and prayer. Someone to sing with me. A voice I recognize praying next to me. This has become a big part of our bonding experience. There should be three people in every relationship…you, your significant other, and God. If both of you keep God at the top of the triangle and you both strive to climb closer to Him…you cannot help but get closer to each other. It’s simple geometry.
\nWhen trouble comes into our life, either in the form of tragedy in the news or something that affects us on a more personal level, we remember that God wraps us in His feathers and we can find refuge there. We needn’t be afraid of the things of the world. I watched the news again last night and saw the follow up stories surrounding the shooting in Texas. I watched the mother, the pastor’s wife, whose fourteen year old daughter was killed. I saw her model grace in the wake of an unspeakable loss. And this verse came to me. What a remarkable example of trust. Of faith. Of absolute assurance she will see her child again. I was in awe.
\nMy heart is with those mourning losses today. My prayer is they will find refuge under His wings. ❤️
\n“He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart. You will not fear the terror of night, nor the arrow that flies by day,”\nPsalm 91:4-5 NIV
\n\n", "date_published": "2017-11-07T02:30:26-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/11/07/he-will-cover-you-with.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Strong Women","Hope","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Wisdom","Forgiveness"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/11/06/when-its-all-bad-news.html", "title": "When It’s All Bad News", "content_html": "
![\"Cross\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/89d0881981.jpg\")
\nI watched the news last night and was reminded why I don’t watch the news. The sadness in my gut, the fear in the front of my mind, the sorrow for families of loved ones lost to senseless tragedy is unbearable. The news came through an alert on my cell phone as we left church yesterday. I grabbed Mr. Fixit’s hand and shared. His jaw clenched as he gripped my hand, silently taking it all in. Thinking…no doubt…that it could have been us.
\nChurch. Church is where we’re supposed to feel utterly safe. Yesterday’s tragedy in Texas was the third mass shooting in the last seventeen months…all of which were among the worst in U.S. history, according to USA Today. I don’t know about you, but I look around more these days. I wonder about people I don’t know. I ask myself if they could hurt me…or my loved ones. It’s taxing. I’m feeling the strain of fear. I don’t like this. I don’t like worrying. I don’t like wondering, not IF, but WHEN will it strike close to home?
\nThere is evil loose in this world and we’ve been rocked to sleep…complacent in our busyness. In our rush to beat the clock and get the most out of every day. Lists need to be made and checked off. Appointments need to be scheduled and kept. And the enemy doesn’t give a darn about any of it. He is only here to seek, kill, and destroy. Not only physically, but mentally and emotionally. He distracts us with the sparklies then swoops in with the spear…or, in this case, an assault rifle.
\nWhen bad things happen and you are simultaneously grieving, everything is compounded and spins out of control. It’s difficult to remember there IS control in this world. There IS a winner. There IS a great comforter. When I hear and see reports of things like the shooting yesterday in Texas, I am inclined to feel fear. That fear is from the enemy. However, when I turn to God, He reminds me to put my trust in Him. The enemy whispers…”Ahhhh, yes. But will that bring back the twenty plus lost yesterday? What good is your trust if your God can’t save His people?”
\nThe enemy will not deter my faith. God doesn’t cause these horrific tragedies to occur. It breaks His heart to see his children suffer. What He DOES want is for us to turn to Him for comfort and solace in times of trouble. He wants us to continue to love. We love….because first, He loved us. There will always be senseless tragedies that we can’t explain. But…there will come a day when the things of this world will melt away and we will be freed from the shackles of fear and pain.
\nI pray for the families of the innocents lost. I pray for the victims of this senseless shooting. I pray for the first responders and the citizens of this very small town in Texas where everyone knew everyone else. I pray for the family and friends of the shooter who may have known something was off…may have tried to get him help…may have never dreamed this could have happened. And I pray for the soul of the shooter. He could not possibly have been in his right mind so I pray for any healthcare workers who may have tried to help him but couldn’t. I pray for the pastor of the church where the shootings occured and for his wife. They were not at the church yesterday…but their fourteen-year-old daughter was one of those killed.
\nNo, I will not roll over…I will not let satan win by becoming consumed with fear and loathing. I will keep my faith in God and let Him sort the rest out. That being said…I will make my feelings about gun safety known to my elected officials. God wants us to turn to Him…but he needs us to suit up and show up and go into battle, too. ❤️
\n“When I am afraid, I put my trust in you.”\nPsalms 56:3 ESV
\n\n", "date_published": "2017-11-06T02:30:02-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/11/06/when-its-all-bad-news.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","Grace","God","Peace","Wisdom","Forgiveness"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/11/04/i-spy-with-my-little.html", "title": "I Spy With My Little Eye...", "content_html": "
![\"Woman](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/61b19a035e.jpg\")
\nSome very observant readers picked up on something in my picture yesterday. My inbox lit up like a Christmas tree! I didn’t answer the questions directly and suggested they come back today to read my post. I love a little mystery. What was it they saw? A ring…a shiny ring…on my left hand!!! squeeeee
\nYes, I have a ring! And in all fairness, so does Mr. FixIt. I gave him his first though. So here’s how it went down, what it means, and how we’re feeling about it.
\nEarly in the year, just a couple months after Mr. FixIt and I started seeing each other, we found out there was something wrong with his blood. The initial thoughts were he had leukemia. Suffice it to say, we were both pretty devastated about it. After all, we just “found” each other again after 45 years. It would be terribly tragic to turn around and lose him, too. He had more tests run and they were worse, so we went for a bone marrow biopsy.
\nWe had been talking about a life long commitment but that’s as far as it had gone. Then the blood thing came up. I wanted some way, some outward sign that would show Mr. FixIt that…no matter what the results of this bone marrow biopsy, I was in this for the long haul. I didn’t want him to worry or be afraid. I happened upon a beautiful gentlemen’s ring and in a moment of impulse, I bought it. We were leaving for the hospital when I pulled out the box and told him I wanted him to know…good or bad…I’m not going anywhere. I thought he was going to cry. He knew I was sticking with him, but the gesture was not lost on him. He asked if this meant we were engaged. Smiling, I said, “Halfway.”
\nOne evening we were going out to dinner with friends and I stopped by Mr. FixIt’s to get ready. I was sitting out front when he came home. He said, “Oh! You’re wearing my favorite dress!” I stood up and twirled around. He had a concerned look on his face and I thought. “Uh-oh. Somethings wrong.” He looked at me and said the dress was missing something. Something sparkly. Then he gave me this beautiful ring!
\nHere’s where it gets complicated. This is the most personal I’ll ever get about our relationship. I don’t want to get married again. At least, not in the conventional way. I’ve had three husbands. That’s two other women’s quotas. It has nothing to do with how much I love Mr. FixIt…or Mr. Virgo, for that matter. When women of a certain age become widows, they qualify for “widow’s benefits”. If they get married, they lose that. Things don’t work in the widow’s favor in this regard. Therefore, a lot of very long engagements take place in my age bracket. And that’s just fine.
\nFrom a faith standpoint, it slays me that women are forced to lose income in order to\ndo what God says to do. Someone said to me…”Well, you aren’t trusting God to provide.” To which my answer is…maybe He already provided. Maybe those widow’s benefits ARE his answer to prayer. The Lord takes care of those who help themselves. To me, it would be crazy to throw away money He had provided.
\nLong engagements are still in vogue. I will be here for the long haul. The rest is a matter of semantics. So, no…there’s no date set. No fanfare. No hoopla. Just love. Lots and lots of love…always and forever. I’m sure I’ll be talking to God about it when I get to Heaven. I have a feeling it’s going to be a long conversation! ❤️
\nEdit: He still has an abnormality which they have determined is not leukemia. They still don’t know what it is. We have to repeat the tests in six months. I’m sorry. I was writing this late and missed that piece.
\n“…..may you ever be intoxicated with her love.”\nProverbs 5:19 NIV
\n\n", "date_published": "2017-11-04T01:30:20-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/11/04/i-spy-with-my-little.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","Fun","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","Peace","Holiday","Forgiveness","Humbled","Aging","Starting Over"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/11/03/the-promise.html", "title": "The Promise", "content_html": "
![\"Before](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/d646665210.jpg\")
\nThree thousand seven hundred sixty-four. That’s how many days came between these two pictures. On the left, the day I married Mr. Virgo. Is it any wonder that handsome man wanted to marry me??? Look at that fresh face, smooth skin, dark hair with just a smattering of gray. Where are the wrinkles around my mouth? Where is all the proof of my sorrow and my joy?
\nIt was a warm spring day stuck smack dab between storms. They shoveled the snow off the balcony so we could get married outside. I had shopped and shopped for the perfect dress, finally finding it on eBay for $45! It was too big so my friend took it in for me. I loved the beads on the silk with hand painted flowers. I thought I looked like a million bucks!
\nIf I had it to do over again, I would have had Mr. Virgo plan the wedding. While it was lovely, it wasn’t until the honeymoon when he reminded me this is what he does for a living. I hadn’t even thought of that. I was just so darned excited to be marrying this great guy, I just barreled through like a bull in a china shop. I asked him why he didn’t say something, and in his sweet, self-deprecating way, he told me, “Sweetheart, it really is all about you. You were having so much fun with it, I just sat back and enjoyed the ride.” I started to ask him what he would have done differently and I know he would have said, “Nothing, baby doll. Not a thing.” Because, that’s the kind of guy he was.
\nWe stood before some seventy-five or so of our family and friends and shared our vows. We promised to always be there. Till death do us part. We had no idea at the time it would only be five years, eleven months, and five days till the unthinkable happened and he was gone.
\nThere is joy on that face on the left. Fresh with the wonder of love and a wedding and music and dancing and cake! Fast forward a decade and look…that face has aged. It has seen indescribable loss. The eyes have shed a river of tears. The hair has a lot of glitter in it. And, there is also joy on that face on the right. Fresh with the wonder of love and music and camping and great barbecue and the handsome man taking my picture….my life companion. The woman on the right is wiser. Older chronologically, but not in her heart. While I lost so much when I lost Mr. Virgo…I ended up gaining in the end. I have a much greater sense of adventure. I’m not so “in the box” as I used to be. I got out from under crushing debt and the weight of long held worldly goods. I figured out what’s really important in life. I’m SO different now than I was then.
\nI am relieved to be this far down the road of this grief journey. The pictures I have of those weeks, months, years break my heart. I try not to think about the possibilities of having to walk that path again but I’m realistic enough to know it can happen. I know I could survive it again if I had to. But, for now…I think I’ll just hang on and go for the ride. The best is yet to be! I’m becoming a crone! ❤️
\n“The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.””\nGenesis 2:18 NIV
\n", "date_published": "2017-11-03T01:30:13-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/11/03/the-promise.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","Peace","Wisdom","Humbled","Aging","Starting Over"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/10/22/the-chemical-valley.html", "title": "The Chemical Valley", "content_html": "![\"Fire](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/7fe7cd0539.jpg\")
\nThe Ohio River is busy with boat traffic delivering supplies to various plants up and down river. Barges are filled with coal, gravel, gasoline, and who knows what else. Many of the big manufacturing plants are located on the banks of the various rivers in this valley for the convenient shipping. The Ohio River has been cleaned up a lot since I was a kid, yet I was told tonight it is not recommended you actually EAT the fish you might catch out of there. Who knows what is still in that water any given day?
\nAs a child, my bare feet would turn black from the carbon fallout from Union Carbide, just up the river. Johns Mansville was located right in town just a block from a grade school. American Cyanamid, DuPont, Marbon, GE, Viscose, Ames…all plants that deal with toxic chemicals and known carcinogens. DuPont has been in litigation for quite sometime over polluting the ground water with C8…a known carcinogen. They don’t call it cancer alley for nothing.
\nMr. FixIt has degrees in drafting, mechanical engineering, and business law as well as real estate. He worked for a short time at Viscose then moved to Ames. We awoke yesterday with messages and phone calls from friends and family announcing the old Ames plant #1 was burning. Apparently some pretty toxic stuff has been being stored in there and the unthinkable happened…it caught fire. It has burned well over twenty-four hours sending a huge plume of dark black, foul-smelling smoke into the air that has spread for miles. Large chunks of debris are raining down on the surrounding neighborhoods. Soot and ash are falling on cars miles away. So far, the EPA is stating the ash is nontoxic to humans. The smoke, however, is a different story and Wood County has declared the area around the Ames plant as disaster area, along with a list of known toxic chemicals that were in the building.
\nHow many abandoned factory and plants are in your town? Do you know what’s inside? Has someone been storing stuff in there that you wouldn’t want to be living with, let alone have it burn up next to your house or your kid’s school? Start a conversation. Go for a drive. Jot down the address of the place of concern and ask someone…several someones. Maintaining the status quo and just looking the other way might get you into a mess one of these days. It may be months, years maybe, before the people of Parkersburg know what they were breathing yesterday. The EPA isn’t there for decoration. They keep us safe. Be mindful of legislation. Be involved in helping clean up this planet. We don’t get another one. And pray for Parkersburg. So far, there have been no injuries, thank God. Let’s hope it stays that way! ❤️
\n““Yet does not one in a heap of ruins stretch out his hand, and in his disaster cry for help?”\nJob 30:24 ESV
\n", "date_published": "2017-10-22T01:30:34-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/10/22/the-chemical-valley.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Hope","West Virginia","Humbled"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/10/19/i-am-not-alone.html", "title": "I Am Not Alone", "content_html": "![\"Prisma](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/1925126736.jpg\")
\nOf all the comments I get on my blog posts, by far the most common is “It’s good to know I’m not alone.” When Mr. Virgo died, I felt like the only person on the planet. No one could possibly understand what I was feeling. I didn’t know how to find resources to help me feel better. I didn’t know who to turn to. I tried reading grief books but I couldn’t read. I couldn’t get beyond a sentence or two before my mind exploded. My family and friends were wonderful…don’t get me wrong. But I was sure even they couldn’t really get it because they hadn’t walked this particular path.
\nI reached out through this page as much for me as I did for you. Maybe more so. And we both found out we’re not alone in this. That was HUGE for me. Knowing others were having the same or similar experiences gave me courage.
\nI scroll through my files of pictures often for inspiration. Sometimes a particular photo will jump out at me and that’s the one I go with for my next post. Last night, it was this one. Mr. Virgo…big smile, twinkling eyes, and that shock of silver hair…in the afternoon sunshine at Rocky Mountain National Park on a day much like today. We had gone for a drive to view the elk and the bright yellow gold of the aspen leaves quaking in the breeze. It was a perfect day. As I scrolled through the photos and saw this one, two things happened. My heart squeezed for a few seconds. And I smiled. The smile is good. The squeeze in my heart still takes my breath away because it takes me by surprise.
\nI had a beautiful day yesterday. It was a day much like the one in this picture. The sky was a brilliant cerulean blue. The temperature was reasonable in the high sixties, low seventies. I was with the man that I love. We had a really busy and full day winterizing another of the four campers. Lunch out. A granddaughter’s softball game. A trip to the Piggly Wiggly. A day. Just a normal day in a life. Some would say it was nothing special. I beg to differ…it was.
\nWhy was yesterday special? Because I get to love again. I get to look in another human being’s beautiful eyes and see love in return. Because I get to love…a lot. I get to love both of my ex-husbands and that great cowboy I dated for awhile. I get to love Mr. Virgo. And…I get to love Mr. FixIt. That is so special. I can still love all of them because I stretched my heart and made room
\n“I am not alone” has taken on a new meaning now. I’ll never take that for granted. ❤️
\n“fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”\nIsaiah 41:10 ESV
\n\n", "date_published": "2017-10-19T01:30:16-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/10/19/i-am-not-alone.html", "tags": ["Family","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","Peace","Wisdom","Humbled","Starting Over"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/10/17/getting-bolder-stories-not-stuff.html", "title": "Getting Bolder: Stories, Not Stuff", "content_html": "
![\"Stories,](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/66cdba44e9.jpg\")
Today’s post is a link to my most recent installment of “Getting Bolder” on the Sisters on the Fly blog. ❤️
www.sistersonthefly.com/getting-b…
\n“Since we have such a hope, we are very bold,”\n2 Corinthians 3:12 ESV
\n\n", "date_published": "2017-10-17T01:30:09-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/10/17/getting-bolder-stories-not-stuff.html", "tags": ["Faith","Colorado","Travel","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Hope","Sisters on the Fly","Positive Energy","TOW-Wanda!","Camping","The Grand Adventure","West Virginia","Growth","Gratitude","Wisdom","Starting Over"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/10/11/free-spirit.html", "title": "Free Spirit", "content_html": "
![\"Woman](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/deff4aaa3d.jpg\")
\nMuch of my life was spent trying to conform…to not be too loud, too big, too much. To fit into the mold of who I (and others whose opinions I valued over my own) thought I should be. I was a doctor’s wife. I was supposed to fit in, entertain, volunteer. I converted to Judaism. I smiled, a lot. I had a perky voice. I did the best I could. And still, things unraveled, my marriage fell apart, and it darned near killed me.
\nIt took a long time, and a lot of therapy, to find my voice. So many times women hang their identity on a hook by the front door and become who they need to be…who they’re expected to be. I have two beautiful daughters who are wonderful adults. Honestly, I don’t know how they survived me because I was a hot mess back in the day.
\nMr. Virgo was the first man to really “get” me. He was patient and listened intently and fiercely supported me. He helped me see, and really FEEL, my value. When he died suddenly, my world and my self-confidence was rocked. When I was alone on my grief journey in the wilderness and backroads of Colorado in the first few months after he died, I really understood for the first time that it’s up to me to be happy. If we search for happiness from external things, we will always be disappointed.
\nI had a Mr. Virgo-sized hole in my heart and a God-sized hole in my life. I couldn’t bring Mr. Virgo back, but I could…and DID…reach out to God to fill me up with a peace only He could give. My go-to scripture became “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” Over and over, through long anxiety-riddled nights, I repeated it till I believed it…till I felt it in my bones. And magically, God filled in the empty, hurting places with a golden love-light like none I had ever known.
\nI was telling someone yesterday…I loved Mr. Virgo with the white-hot heat of the sun. But I still never felt whole till I loved GOD with the white-hot heat of HIS Son. My light shines from within. I carry myself differently. I’m happy and content with myself and my life. And now? Now I have Mr. FixIt. I’m so glad he came into my life after I was broken open. I don’t know that we would have appreciated each other if this would have happened at any other time in our lives.
\nGod’s timing is so perfect. ❤️
\n“Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? And not one of them is forgotten before God. Why, even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not; you are of more value than many sparrows.”\nLuke 12:6-7 ESV
\n\n", "date_published": "2017-10-11T01:30:38-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/10/11/free-spirit.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","Fun","West Virginia","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Humbled","Aging","Starting Over"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/10/06/losing-your-sense-of-direction.html", "title": "Losing Your Sense of Direction", "content_html": "
![\"Losing](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/1397099534.jpg\")
\nThere’s no quicker way to lose your inner compass than through the experience of grief. God built us to numb down so we don’t experience the loss in one gulp. I remember the first year. I was so numb from the neck up. I didn’t fully grasp what had happened to my world until the second year. THAT was the year of pain for me because I “woke up” and he was still gone. I didn’t know where to turn. I literally didn’t know which end was up. I couldn’t make intelligent choices. I couldn’t see further than today…maybe even this hour. It was terribly disconcerting to me to feel so out of control. It was terribly comforting to me when you all started writing back with things like “Yes! That’s me!” and “OMGosh! You’re in my head! How did you know?”
\nLosing your inner compass is normal in grief. Losing your sense of direction doesn’t just come with the loss of a loved one though. It can come with anything that shocks our sensibilities. And I can’t think of anything more shocking than the events of the last month. While I was out galavanting around, camping here and there, appearing at public events, being interviewed while flyfishing, sitting around the campfire with friends…events were taking place that were shattering our world and I was largely disconnected save for the occasional notification on my phone when I was in cell range.
\nDisclaimer: I’m not here to discuss politics. There are many, many sites where that is the theme. This is a safe place where we discuss grief and the things that effect it. That being said…I would be remiss if I sail along singing Kumbaya and not address the horrifying events that have hit us over and over and over the last few weeks.
\nDevastating hurricanes. Deadly earthquakes. Horrific mass murders. Huge breaches of electronic security. Every week…every day…it’s something. Another thing…another horror. It’s hard to feel safe in times like this when you aren’t grieving. Add the insecurity and emotional turmoil of loss to the mix and it’s so easy to lose your way…to lose direction…to lose hope.
\nYes, there are political avenues that can and…in my humble opinion…should be implemented to curb events that can be curbed. I am an enigma. I am a diehard liberal Christian and Democrat with a gun. I believe in my right to carry and protect myself, my property, and my loved ones. If I need to hunt to eat, I need a weapon to do so. What I don’t need is an assault rifle, let alone forty-three of them, and I certainly don’t need one that shoots automatically. I might need a couple hundred rounds of ammo. I don’t need ten thousand. I might need some fertilizer for my garden. I don’t need enough to blow up a building. I need to protect my little corner of the world from nefarious interlopers. I’m fully aware not everyone agrees on these issues and I’m not here to debate politics or gun control or any “third rail” issue. This is a faith-based blog so I’m going to approach this from my own personal faith-based perspective.
\nI usually drive in silence. It’s my think time. But, occasionally I listen to a book on tape or a talk given by someone on a subject I am interested in. As events unfolded over the last month, I found myself getting upset and angry…a perfectly normal reaction to such chaos. Since losing Mr. Virgo, I’ve found it helpful to retreat within myself and become quiet and introspective in order to process additional loss. Now that I have Mr. FixIt in my life, I don’t have long stretches of time to silently contemplate my feelings, process them, and retrieve my bearings. I felt my fear grow and my frustration build to the point of lashing out at him when he did nothing but be kind and love me. I needed to fix that before it became a problem.
\nGod always brings me what I need to walk through this path. Remember me telling you that we have to walk through fire in this life, but God throws gems down in the flames? We may not recognize the meaning of a particular gem, but we tuck it away because somewhere down the line, we’ll understand. When I was in Colorado, I went to a used book store looking for books on tape for the long drives I take traveling with TOW-Wanda. This time I found several presentations by such notables as Brené Brown, Pema Chodrin, and Joyce Meyers. I tucked them in the truck but didn’t listen to them on the trip home because Mr. FixIt was with me.
\nLast week I traveled up to Beaver Creek State Park and found the four hour block of time to listen to Pema Chodrin’s “Don’t Bite the Hook: Finding Freedom from Anger, Resentment, and Other Destructive Emotions”. Her basic premise boils down to finding compassion for the perpetrator. She spends the better part of three and a half hours explaining how to fight the addiction of anger and replace it with patience and compassion. Anger sits in the pit of our stomach. It’s uncomfortable and we lash out to release those pent up feelings. But, what if we allow ourselves to sit with that discomfort, recognize it as a temporary feeling, look at the person pissing us off and feel compassion? If that’s too hard, then at least just say…“OK, this person is pissing me off. I’m not biting that hook.” There is a difference between suppressing anger and diffusing it. Suppression will just place it in a pressure cooker and it becomes self-destructive. Diffusing it dissipates the energy and converts it into something self-soothing.
\nHow does this relate to the current events in the world? Well, environmentally, these storms are getting more powerful, more frequent, and more destructive. As an environmentalist, one can get angry at politicians who refuse to believe in climate change. As one who believes this is a predictable cycle of nature, one can get angry at the “tree huggers” for leading the charge with “the sky is falling!” Earthquakes? Environmentalists are angry with the oil and gas industry for fracking and causing instability beneath the earths crust. Others are angry at such rhetoric saying the earth’s crust moves…deal with it. Mass shootings? The NRA will give you their guns when you pry them out of their cold, dead fingers as Charlton Heston so eloquently put it. Gun control advocates are angry that this just keeps happening over and over and over and nothing ever changes.
\nThe common denominator in all of this is anger. Righteous indignation. Me against them. No one ever resolves conflict with increased conflict. The divisive nature prevalent in today’s world does nothing to diffuse anger. As a matter of fact, it seems its only point is to produce more anger and conflict. This is the work of the enemy. This is where my faith comes in. This battle has been fought for centuries and my personal belief is…the good guy wins in the end. My personal belief is…that which lives within me is more powerful than that which lives in the world. Lashing out at Mr. FixIt because I’m harboring anger over world events is counterproductive. So, how do I resolve that inner conflict? Through compassion.
\nHow do we live out the compassion of Christ in such a dark time in this world? Turning to the Master Teacher, we can cry out for Him to teach us compassion. We can read about the ways Christ showed compassion to others…even his enemies. He touched those who were sick. Even the outcast…the untouchables with leprosy. He sought them out and ministered to them and healed them with just a touch. Race, religion, social or economic status…nothing kept Christ from touching the lives of others with love and tenderness. We can read about Jesus’ tears for the fallen. How He wept for those who refused to hear His teachings. How he asked His Heavenly Father to forgive those who crucified Him for they knew not what they were doing. That in and of itself is the ultimate display of compassion. The motivation behind all of Christ’s teachings throughout the New Testament is love and compassion.
\nSo, how do you show compassion for someone who stands in a hotel room on the 32nd floor of a busy hotel and calmly executes 59 innocent people, wounds nearly 500, and changes the lives of thousand more…forever? For me, it comes from the realization that one does not do something like that unless they are not in their right mind. There is such evil in the world. Satan whispers into the lives and hearts of vulnerable people and leads them to do unimaginable, unspeakable things. My response is to pour out more love…to try to tip the scales of the world toward goodness and light. Not with a Pollyannaesque naïveté, but with the pure, genuine love and compassion expemplified by Jesus.
\nIt’s a scary world. I saw Mr. FixIt’s first little greatgrandchild this week. I held this tiny, perfect little human in my hands and prayed hard that God would keep her safe in this great big place. It hits hard when a new life is placed in your hands. In the end, the left wing and the right wing belong to the same bird. We really are in this together. There is one race…the human race…and if we want to keep going, we are going to have to find a way to come together, to get along.
\nOk, we went to church there…but, in my humble opinion…this world needs more light. For me, it is through Christ, who strengthens me. For others, it may be different. But by whatever means available, the answer to everything is love and compassion. ❤️
\n“Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.”\nColossians 3:12-14 NIV
\n", "date_published": "2017-10-06T01:30:53-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/10/06/losing-your-sense-of-direction.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Forgiveness"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/09/22/when-things-dont-go-as.html", "title": "When Things Don't Go As Planned", "content_html": "![\"Old](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/3800980b81.jpg\")
\nThe first two of our three day getaway was perfect. The weather was moderate. We hiked, fished, lazed around, read, cooked, and sat out long after dark watching the boats go up and down the river. We had to go into town Wednesday to salvage some doors, windows, and light fixtures out of a structure that’s being torn down today. It was hot, dirty work and by 2:00, we were done. We ran some errands then headed to a restaurant for lunch. We’ve eaten salads there before but I was hungry so I ordered a chicken salad wrap and fries. We left to head back up to the river to the campground and within 10 minutes, I was sick as a dog. The thing that scared me was my heart was doing weird things and I felt faint. Mr. FixIt took me to the hospital. They kept me overnight for observation and did a ton of tests. They finally decided they thought I had food poisoning. I got home from the hospital yesterday and unhooked the camper and went to bed.
\nThere comes a point when you have to realize…even though you may FEEL 24…when you’re 64…you ARE 64! That’s not “old” by any stretch of the imagination. But for the first time in a long time…I feel my age. I have to slow down just a little bit. Not enough to stop. But enough to take care of myself.
\nNot the way I wanted my little getaway to go. But I need to listen to my body and not keep pushing so hard. Today, I mattress surf! ❤️
\n“Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body.”\n1 Corinthians 6:19-20 NLT
\n\n", "date_published": "2017-09-22T01:55:46-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/09/22/when-things-dont-go-as.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Growth","Grace","God","Peace","Wisdom"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/09/14/he-will-cover-you-with.html", "title": "He Will Cover You With His Feathers", "content_html": "
![\"Wings](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/5a19602883.jpg\")
\nIt’s hard to believe exactly four-and-a-half years ago, I was preparing a funeral for a man I never dreamed of losing. Mr. Virgo was gone in a heartbeat, literally, and I was left to make some sense and order out of the chaos left behind. Looking back on it with today’s vision, I can see so many things I would have done differently. I don’t think I made huge mistakes, but I think if I would have known then what I know now, there are definitely things I would have done differently.
\nI hosted the Sisters on the Fly event over the weekend and there were a couple fairly new widows there. They did well, enjoyed themselves, and were very capable campers. I could see through all that to the pain that lay beneath the surface. I recognized them…I was there not all that long ago myself.
\nA couple of years ago, I was contacted by a writer and published author of many books on women and finance. She was writing an article for the New York Times on widowhood and retirement and asked if she could interview me. We have stayed in touch over the last couple of years and she has followed my blog. Recently I heard from her again. She had been asked by Fidelity to write an article about widowhood and investing and immediately thought of me. We spoke again and I shared those things I felt I did right, and those I could have…should have…done differently.
\nThe article for Fidelity’s “Viewpoints” online magazine went live yesterday and I am sharing it with you here. From the beginning, this blog was meant not only as a way to share and heal my own grief, but also to serve as a place to learn, grow, and experience support if you are grieving, and preparation if you aren’t. Knowledge is power and grief makes you feel totally powerless. I wish I would have had a grief mentor in my early stages of loss. I try to be that person for others. If it weren’t for God covering me with His feathers to guide, guard, and protect me, I never would have survived such a loss.
\nAnd now, here I am nearly five years after losing Mr. Virgo and I not only have survived, I am thriving. New life, new love, new experiences. I never would have dreamed this was possible. Today I leave for the Country Living Fair in Columbus, Ohio. Please stop by for a visit if you are in the area! ❤️
\nhttps://www.fidelity.com/viewpoints/personal-finance/8-financial-tips-for-widows
\n“He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.”\nPsalm 91:4 NIV
\n\n", "date_published": "2017-09-14T01:55:17-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/09/14/he-will-cover-you-with.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Wisdom","Girl Campers","Country Living Fair"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/09/07/the-beckett-brothers.html", "title": "The Beckett Brothers", "content_html": "
![\"The](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/689a3511e1.jpg\")
\nI never met them. I didn’t know them. But, I knew who they were. Everyone knew who they were. When I was a little girl, you didn’t drive anywhere in town without seeing them together…walking. They walked everywhere. They loved to travel. One would always walk about ten feet behind the other. Their determined stride would take them cross town and cross country. I’ve heard stories. “They were very wealthy…they just chose to live this way.” I don’t know the truth. I do know they called them names. “Pete and Repeat”. “Mutt and Jeff”.
\nIn truth…they were Gerald and John. They were inseparable. They were not twins but they dressed alike. Always. One time one of them was injured and they got a wheelchair. The well one wheeled the sick one. When he finally got well, an argument ensued. The well one felt it was his turn to be pushed around but the sick one refused to give up his cushy gig. There were lots of stories. But not a lot of people coming forward with open arm to help these guys. Finally, a girl named Heather was driving buy and saw them with the wheelchair stuck in the snow and said a prayer. “Lord! Why don’t you DO something for these men.” And God answered her…“I did. I made you!” So Heather turned around, drove back, and helped the men out of the snowbank in her high heels. Thus began a loving friendship between the most unlikely of people. Heather taught her children to love the way Christ loved.
\n![\"The](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/255b62a734.jpg\")
\nThis week, Gerald died in his sleep. Heather and her family was at his side. So was John. We’ll just have to wait and see how John fairs without his brother. I pray for his comfort. I pray for Heather and her family as they make this journey with only John. Parkersburg has lost a legend, an icon. It will never be the same without them walking the streets together. ❤️
\n“Behold, how good and pleasant it is when brothers dwell in unity!”\nPsalms 133:1 ESV
\n\n", "date_published": "2017-09-07T01:55:18-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/09/07/the-beckett-brothers.html", "tags": ["Family","Grief","Prayer","Hope","West Virginia","Gratitude","Grace","Love","Humbled","Aging"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/08/19/the-eastern-screech-owl.html", "title": "The Eastern Screech Owl", "content_html": "
![\"Eastern](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/f9f0dab378.jpg\")
\nThis is not my photo, but isn’t this a magnificent creature??? Mr. FixIt and I went for a short walk after supper last night. It was just getting dusk and we heard the familiar trill of the screech owl. Their name is misleading as they do not screech…they trill and whinny. I’m including a link to a YouTube video where you can learn more about them.
\nI received an e-mail from Camping World late yesterday afternoon. TOW-Wanda is fixed and waiting for us to come get her. I refuse to go Monday as that is heading right into eclipse country and I don’t want any part of that craziness. I saw a photo of what to expect in our area as far as coverage of the sun and it’s pretty darn close to complete so I’m not too worried about staying here. There is also a forecast for cloudy skies. So, there ya go. We’ll go Wednesday and come back Thursday.
\nI came back from town yesterday and saw a school bus returning from its rounds. The locusts are buzzing like crazy and it takes me back to grade school. We didn’t head back to school till after Labor Day back then. The late August evenings were spent trying to eke out the very last bit of summer fun we could get before we had to return to the “three R’s”…readin’, ‘ritin’, and ‘rithmatic. Somewhere in our little town there is a family grieving their little eleven-year-old who got swept away in a rush of water after a hard rain Thursday night. I just spent much of the summer with Big and Little…they are thirteen and ten, respectively. I cannot fathom that kind of loss. It is beyond me. I pray for their comfort. ❤️
\n“Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.”\nMatthew 5:4 NIV
\n\n", "date_published": "2017-08-19T01:55:06-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/08/19/the-eastern-screech-owl.html", "tags": ["Grief","Prayer","The Farm"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/08/15/a-change-in-the-air.html", "title": "A Change in the Air", "content_html": "![\"Early](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/1b9f4b761c.jpg\")
\nEven though it is only the middle of August, there is a definite change in the air. There are leaves changing already and the woods have taken on the “tired green” of late summer, having spent their glorious stores of chlorophyll in the peak of summer. Yesterday dawned cloudy and relatively cool and soon the sky gifted us with a gentle rain that lasted most of the day. So much for mowing the lawn.
\nI’m sitting on the front porch at the farm as I write this, watching the goldfinches fight over the socks of thistle seeds. Boy Cat and Old Mama Kitty are keeping me company as I listen to the rain pattering on the leaves in the nearby woods. The sun is trying to break through and make its first appearance of the day, just shy of 5:00. Since I couldn’t mow, I drove to town and ran errands. I am hosting a Sisters on the Fly event September 7-10 and I needed to make arrangements. I have 23 women signed up so far and registration is still open if you would like to attend.
\nI felt much better today…stronger, better rested. I have been thinking about triggers and how they stimulate the grief response. At first, everything is a trigger. When you are in the acute stages of grief, your feelings are like a frayed electric cord, ready to shock you at the slightest touch. After some time, things even out a bit but it is still amazing how the tiniest thing can trigger grief. When you’ve had a long stretch without a meltdown, you can get a little complacent, thinking maybe you’re through all that. So it kind of takes you by surprise when a new wave comes. That was what I felt over the weekend.
\nAs I was driving through town yesterday, I was coming up to a stoplight when I heard an ambulance approaching. I stopped and waited for it to come through from my left and make the turn towards the hospital. There was an elderly man seated in the front passenger seat and I suddenly flashed back to the ambulance ride taking Mr. Virgo to the ER from the RV dealership where he had his heart attack. I hadn’t thought about that drive for quite some time. For a brief moment, my eyes met those of the man in the front seat and I recognized that panicked and confused look on his face. There was a slight set of the jaw that was familiar. “Ok, ok, ok….let’s get this done. Be strong. Just breathe.” At least, that’s what went through my mind when I was in his shoes.
\nI didn’t have a reaction to this trigger. I was prepared. It’ll be a while before I have another grief response, I imagine. I’m a bit more on guard now. That’s a relief of sorts. I hate when the wave comes unexpectedly. For now, I’ll sit on the porch and watch the rain as the light changes and the hummingbirds fight over the feeder…and wait for Mr. FixIt to call so I can start supper. History repeats itself and life goes on. ❤️
\n“And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful.”\nColossians 3:15 ESV
\n\n", "date_published": "2017-08-15T01:55:29-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/08/15/a-change-in-the-air.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","West Virginia","The Farm","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","Peace","Wisdom","Starting Over"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/08/14/when-darkness-calls.html", "title": "When Darkness Calls", "content_html": "
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/f3ff9d6243.jpg\")
\nI have some really great friends who look out for me. They each seem to have a role. My longest term friend “feels” when something is wrong and she needs to reach out right away. Others send articles for my reference and give me a heads up when I have a typo in a post. They know I cannot STAND typos. One sends me the funniest memes I have ever seen on the internet and spends equal time kicking me in the butt when I need it…which is more often than you may imagine. My old high school chum, Marion, sent me an excellent article the other day about what the first year of widowhood was like for Jodi of the blog Extra Grace Required. She listed the important things she learned that first year. If memory serves, I’ve written a few of those missives myself. We live and we learn and we grow as we crawl our way along on this grief journey.
\nJust because I have found new love, doesn’t mean I have miraculously “gotten over” the loss of Mr. Virgo. It means I’ve grown. It means my heart has healed enough to make room for more love in my life. It certainly does NOT mean I never have a bad day or have sad feelings. And here’s what’s most important. My bad days or my sad feelings have absolutely nothing to do with my love for Mr. FixIt. It’s complicated loving two men…one here, one not quite so much. It’s easy to love this wonderful man I’ve known almost as long as I can remember. I just have to incorporate a lot of feelings at once which is made more difficult when I’m tired and not feeling up to par.
\nOne of the things Jodi noticed after her first year is, she feels the grief of others more easily. Before loss, grief is sad, you feel bad for the one who has lost a loved one, you have your own feelings to sort out about your relationship with the departed. But, once it has happened so close to home that your heart has literally been ripped out of your chest, the grief of others is not so easily compartmentalized. Someone close to me lost a son-in-law this summer. I spoke to the widow on the phone Saturday, giving some support, acknowledging feelings, commiserating, feeling. When she broke down into those guttural cries I still remember so vividly, my heart squeezed tight, my throat closed, my stomach churned, I got hot and sweaty, my fight or flight response kicked in big time. I held it together. I didn’t crumble….until late in the night. I couldn’t go to sleep. My head was pounding and my heart ached for this young woman who is so new in this journey. I tossed and turned. I used my Rescue Remedy. When sleep wouldn’t come, I changed course and walked around the dimly lit house until I felt I could settle down. I finally slept, but didn’t feel much better when I awoke.
\nSo, it was one of THOSE days. Out of sorts. Off my feed. I didn’t even want coffee…gasp! It was a tea and oatmeal and crackers and lay low kind of day. Not exactly a day spent mattress-surfing, but close. The best part was…Mr. FixIt was there to offer comfort and support and love. He was totally nonjudgmental. He is a remarkable man. He just listened and held me and that’s all I needed. After a while, I was feeling better. Not fine, but ok. I sent him home to do whatever he needed to do for the afternoon and I settled in with my thoughts and processed.
\nProcess.. That’s what this whole thing is. It doesn’t matter if it’s one year or five years or twenty-five…grief is a process. It doesn’t always hit me like this anymore…thank God. The biggest lesson I’ve learned in all of this is, when the wave hits, don’t fight it. Let it carry you to a place of self-discovery and love. And when you’re ready, dust yourself off, wash your face, and get back to the business of living. Because, that’s what we’re here for. ❤️
\nextragracerequired.com/2017/03/2…
\n“For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”\nRomans 8:38-39 NIV
\n\n", "date_published": "2017-08-14T01:55:05-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/08/14/when-darkness-calls.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Strong Women","Hope","The Farm","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Wisdom"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/08/03/road-trip-day-twentysevenwhen-your.html", "title": "Road Trip: Day Twenty-Seven...\"When Your Mom Dies\"", "content_html": "
![\"View](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/692bad8a26.jpg\")
\nMy friend, Fred, lost his mom yesterday. We got the word while we were visiting Buffalo Bill’s grave. It made me think of my mom. It made me think back to when my oldest was about three and Mom came out to Colorado for a visit. I brought her up here and we sat on this very bench. She was well and happy and healthy and I thought I’d have her forever. Years later, my mom got sick suddenly and was gone in five days.
\nNature tells us our parents will age and eventually die, leaving us to go on as best we can without them. But, at least for me, we never are prepared for how we’ll feel when the time comes and we have to say goodbye to our source…the giver of life, the nurturer, the teacher, the nurse, the chauffeur, the disciplinarian, the confidant. We’re never ready…we’re blindsided with the enormity of the loss. Incredulous as it may seem, this larger-than-life woman had the audacity to grow old and leave me.
\nIt’s been thirteen years since I lost my mom. I still want to call her every Sunday evening. I think of something to share with her then sadly remember she is gone. And now Fred is a member of the club of orphans…his mom gone away from him. He is alone. My heart is with him and his family.
\nWe enjoyed the visit to Lookout Mountain yesterday. And, last night I spent the evening with all my girls. Mr. FixIt takes great pics and it was so much fun to laugh and share funny stories. Stories about their dad…and Mr. Virgo…and Grammy. We hated to break away and end the evening. We vowed to talk more often. Another day done. Another day filled with love. ❤️
\n“Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her:”\nProverbs 31:28 NIV
\n", "date_published": "2017-08-03T01:55:10-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/08/03/road-trip-day-twentysevenwhen-your.html", "tags": ["Family","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Hope","The Grand Adventure","Grace","Wisdom","Aging","Fitness Friday"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/08/02/road-trip-day-twentysixon-sharing.html", "title": "Road Trip: Day Twenty-Six...\"On Sharing\"", "content_html": "![\"Daisies\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/cba0e5e988.jpg\")
\nThere has been a major shift within me this trip. I wasn’t sure going into this vacation how I would react sharing the space that is mine in Colorado with both Mr. Virgo’s memory and Mr. FixIt’s presence. How would everything fit? At home on the farm in West Virginia, Mr. Virgo only occupies space in my mind and heart as well as what few tangible things I have kept that were his. Here, he lives in the mountains, he sits in the sunsets, he whispers in the wind that blows through the trees. He’s everywhere. Would he distract me too much? How would I feel entertaining two men…one very much here, the other very much real but not here?
\nI took this wonderful man to “meet” Mr. Virgo and I needn’t have worried. He respected my space. He listened intently. He waited patiently. And at the perfect moment, he walked up behind me, wrapped me in his arms and said, “I’m so sorry, Ginny. I know this was so hard for you. You’ve been through so much and you are very brave.” His arms were a comfort. My fingers intertwined with his as I leaned back against him. I felt his warm breath in my hair. For a moment, I remembered what this same position felt like with Mr. Virgo. Then I let it go…like a feather on a breeze…dancing and floating away from me.
\nTime has allowed me perspective and healing. Choice has brought me ever onward and upward. Prayer has given me strength where there was none. Mr. FixIt has given me…Love. Hope. Trust. Joy. Peace. Companionship. Friendship. Laughter. Stability. Comfort. Contact. Connection. I am grateful. This shift has a lot to do with all of the above. Sharing this space with my new love is helping me to, yet again, redefine its meaning. Redefine who I am…redefine my “status”. I know it’s different for everyone. For me, at four and a half years…it’s a choice. I choose love. It is my purpose in life. It is the one thing I am to practice, to hone my skill at. To emulate in a Christ-like way. Not just my love for Mr. FixIt or Mr. Virgo…but for everyone.
\nI’ve been asked when I will share a picture of Mr. FixIt with you. And the answer is…not in his lifetime. Not a definable picture, anyway. Distance, maybe. From the back, sure. His hands, definitely. He has the hands of a hard-working man and I love them. But I won’t be sharing his name or his face because those are mine. I share everything else with you…my pain, my fears, my hopes, my joys, my struggles, and my triumphs. I do so without reservation as this is my platform…my purpose. I share to spread love and promote healing. This one great thing…this glimpse into who he really is in real life…is the one tangible thing I will fervently protect.
\nYesterday was a day shared with loved ones. My heart is full. ❤️
\n“If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”\n1 Corinthians 13:2-7 NIV
\n", "date_published": "2017-08-02T01:55:19-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/08/02/road-trip-day-twentysixon-sharing.html", "tags": ["Colorado","Family","Travel","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Positive Energy","TOW-Wanda!","The Grand Adventure","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","Peace","Wisdom","Starting Over"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/07/26/road-trip-day-twentyanother-day.html", "title": "Road Trip: Day Twenty...\"Another Day in Paradise\"", "content_html": "![\"Rifle](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/391eea4a9a.jpg\")
\nLast week I reported to you that Mr. Virgo was in my dreams two nights running saying he was leaving me. He appeared again Sunday night. In this dream I found out that he had some sort of neurological problem and that’s why he decided to go on and not try to come back. He was brought to me in a black limousine. They told me he was coming and that I could see him the way he would have looked had he survived the heart attack. When the car pulled up, he rolled down the window and he had obvious neurological damage, yet in the dream, he could still stand. He got out of the limo and looked at me so sad. I wrapped my arms around his neck and cried, “I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry.” He said it was HE who was sorry he had to leave me like that. I pulled away from him and said, “You know how much I love you, right?” He said of course he did. I said, “Well, I’ve met someone wonderful and I love him, too. I can’t leave him now.” His eyes softened and he wrapped me in his arms and whispered into my hair, “It’s ok. It’s ok. It’s ok.” And…I woke up. Three times in a week he’s been in my dreams and he hasn’t been here that much in the last four and a half years. I think it’s because I’ve brought Mr. FixIt here to Colorado…turf that, up until now, belonged to Mr. Virgo and me.
\nIt was still dark…the first hint of daylight tinting the eastern sky. I lay there quietly, listening to the soft breathing of this wonderful man I have come to love. “It’s ok. It’s ok. It’s ok.” I smiled in the darkness, snuggled closer, and went back to sleep.
\nWe were up bright and early yesterday. Lots to do…doctor’s appointment and pick up the replacement thermostat (it’s still not in after two more stops in the RV dealer). We went out for breakfast then stopped to visit Mr. Virgo’s grave. I left one of the painted rocks that I’ve found recently that said “I love your smile!” It made ME smile. Then I took Mr. FixIt up to Rifle Falls State Park. In all the years I lived here, I had never been there. We hiked up to the top, took lots of pictures, and headed back to town to take my brother out to dinner again. Afterwards, we stopped at the grocery store and ran into Rob and Jordan, two young men from Virginia who had built this funky trailer from scratch and are on a five month trek across the country. They have a YouTube channel called Fantasy Jive ( www.youtube.com/channel/U… ) What an adventure!
\n![\"#CruisinCabana\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/7a984cc5c9.jpg\")
\nA trip to Lowe’s rounded out the day. We needed some wire connectors and wire stripper for the thermostat project. With the groceries put away, we finally had time to sit in our new chairs and listen to the river rushing through the canyon as the sun set. We stayed the last two nights at Glenwood Canyon Resort…one of the most beautiful places to camp in Colorado, in my opinion. While the sites are rather close together, there’s nothing like sitting and staring up at the steep canyon walls directly across the river from your campsite. Trains run through the canyon at all hours, but if you’re like me, they make you smile.
\nToday we break camp and head on to our next stop on this adventure. Stay tuned to see what we are up to next!❤️
\n“And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another advocate to help you and be with you forever— the Spirit of truth. The world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him nor knows him. But you know him, for he lives with you and will be in you.”\nJohn 14:16-17 NIV
\n\n", "date_published": "2017-07-26T01:55:09-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/07/26/road-trip-day-twentyanother-day.html", "tags": ["Colorado","Family","Travel","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Hope","TOW-Wanda!","Camping","The Grand Adventure","Fun","Growth","Gratitude","Love","Starting Over"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/07/21/road-trip-day-fifteen-focus.html", "title": "Road Trip: Day Fifteen \"Focus\"", "content_html": "
![\"Moose\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/2ba5b7f1aa.jpg\")
Moose
I am in my fifth year writing this blog. The original page was intended to showcase art jewelry I was making out of antique silverware and maps. Then Mr. Virgo died and it morphed into a grief blog. I dealt solely with the monumental task of putting one foot in front of the other and surviving that horrid loss. In an effort to cope, I put something joyful in front of me in the form of a small camper and a group of spunky women who liked to travel and have adventures. The focus gradually shifted from the darkness of death to the possibility of living after loss and eventually I started breathing again. With each stage of grief, with each right of passage, with each new thing, the focus of my writing has shifted to accommodate the change du jour.
\nA reader commented yesterday that my site has “lost its focus”. I had to sit down and give myself a good self-examination. For what seemed like an eternity, the only thing I could talk about was pain and death and grief and darkness. Thank God that’s not the focus of all my writing any more. It means I’m healing. So, what IS the “focus of my site”? Trailers, camping, travel, Girl Campers and Sisters on the Fly? Not entirely. My family in Colorado and West Virginia? Somewhat. The farm and the cats? Sometimes. God and how He has touched my life and moved mountains? Much of the time. My writing is all of these things and more. I’m part storyteller, part preacher, part analyst, part therapist. I’m part comedienne, part realist, part widow, part mom. Because that’s what life is…it’s 10,000 things all at once so I write about the 10,000 things and try to make some sense of it all. Because out there…somewhere out there is a widow that’s hurting, a wife who was left, a child who was molested. And somewhere in here is a story that just might help one of them, whether it seems unfocused or not.
\nWhile the subject matter of my blog has indeed varied over the years, my focus has not. My focus is to help people in any way I can. To be of service. To quote John Keats, “Love is my religion…”. I will admit, writer’s block has me occasionally writing diary-like posts a la Bridget Jones. And this new, wild and wonderful love story I’ve got going on here is distracting, to say the least. I take constructive criticism to heart and I will try to write more focused essays in the future. I have no problem hearing constructive criticism. We all have room for improvement. ❤️
\n“Whoever heeds life-giving correction will be at home among the wise.”\nProverbs 15:31 NIV
\n\n", "date_published": "2017-07-21T01:55:09-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/07/21/road-trip-day-fifteen-focus.html", "tags": ["Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","New Ideas","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Wisdom","Humbled"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/07/20/road-trip-day-fourteenmy-person.html", "title": "Road Trip: Day Fourteen...\"My Person\"", "content_html": "
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/c8844e1c7a.jpg\")
\nI’ve been holding my breath for months now. I wanted to talk to you about it, but I couldn’t. It was really complicated and it was scary and it had to do with Mr. FixIt and I hadn’t told you about him yet. I was still trying to figure out how to introduce a new character into our little story here without changing the dynamic so much that you ran away in droves. Come to find out, I needn’t have worried about that. Everyone has been so wonderful and supportive of my new love and I am so grateful. So, now I can tell you the other half of the story.
\nMr. FixIt and I hadn’t been seeing each other romantically very long when he had an annual physical and some blood tests came back abnormal. The doctor wanted to wait three months and then repeat the lab work and this time it was even worse. He referred us to a specialist and Mr. FixIt had a series of tests. One of the possible diagnoses was leukemia. My heart both sank through the floor and jumped out of my chest. This was my biggest fear…that I would fall in love with this wonderful man and be over-the-moon happy only to have him get sick and die on me. Leukemia. Just thinking the word made me physically ill. And Mr. FixIt was flat out devastated that he just found happiness and the rug could get pulled out from under us. He hated that this scared me to death. It scared him, too.
\nHe had a bone marrow biopsy and after waiting three weeks, we finally heard the news we had been praying for. It is NOT leukemia! Thank you, Jesus! That’s the good news. The bad news is we still don’t know exactly what it is, because there IS something going on. But our doctor contacted the specialist at West Virginia University and they both agreed to watch and wait six months and repeat the tests then.
\nI let out my breath. This man has become so important to me. He has stolen my heart. We’ve known each other since we were kids. We’ve always been great friends. That came first. But to fall in love, to open my heart again and to love so deeply after the profound loss of Mr. Virgo…only to lose again? I couldn’t bear the thought. I prayed…fervently. I asked others to pray…unspoken prayers, specific prayers, prayers for healing. “Please, don’t let it be cancer!” “Please heal him.” “If he’s sick, let it be something easily controlled and non-life threatening.” Denying. Bargaining. In his favor, Mr. FixIt is extremely healthy, walks 5-6 miles a day, has purposefully lost sixty pounds, and eats a healthy diet. I can’t help but think, whatever this is, it can’t be too awfully bad or he wouldn’t be this healthy. So I’ll breathe. I will relax a little. I didn’t realize how wound up I was till I heard the doctor on the other end of the line in our phone conference Tuesday.
\nAnd now, my sweetheart is here with me! Oh…standing in the greeting area of DIA yesterday, my heart leapt with joy when I saw this handsome man, this lean and lanky guy with the graying red hair, my best friend in the whole wide world coming up the escalator! I could hardly wait to get a hold of him. Our good news of the day before underlining the poignancy of the moment. What would I have done? What if it would have been the worst case scenario? It is not unreasonable for my widow-mind to go there because I’ve been there before. Well…I’ve had a little time to think about those “what ifs”. And I’ll tell you what. Our love is long term. Platonic for the majority of our lives…romantic for only the last few months. It doesn’t matter. When you love someone, and you are dealt a blow, there is only one thing to do…you just hold hands and walk into the fire. Together.
\nWe are grateful we have each other at this time in our lives. We celebrate this wonderful chance at love. We thank God for his bountiful blessings. We put our trust in Him for He has plans for us. ❤️
\n“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,” declares the LORD, “and will bring you back from captivity. I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you,” declares the LORD, “and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile.””\nJeremiah 29:11-14 NIV
\n\n", "date_published": "2017-07-20T01:55:37-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/07/20/road-trip-day-fourteenmy-person.html", "tags": ["Uplifting Stories","Grief","Prayer","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Wisdom","Aging","Starting Over"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/07/18/road-trip-day-twelvehe-sent.html", "title": "Road Trip: Day Twelve...\"He Sent Me Birds\"", "content_html": "
![\"Two](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/9cf889e03b.jpg\")
\nSometimes it takes a couple days of cogitation before I recognize a sign. You’ve heard me say many times that Mr. Virgo sends me birds to let me know he is near. Strictly speaking, souls in Heaven have no connection to us here on earth. Dogma dictates our loved ones cannot see or contact us. I can’t quote you a scripture to support this, but I would not doubt there is one. That being said, since the Discovery Channel has not sent a team of investigators and a film crew to the other side and brought back photographic evidence of what Heaven is like, I prefer to believe our loved ones can and do watch out for us. It gives me hope. I physically saw Mr. Virgo’s spirit leave his body. I know for a fact the spiritual realm is real. Therefore, I believe he sends me birds.
\nThe first such occurrence happened early on after Mr. Virgo died unexpectedly of a heart attack. It was late summer and I had recently returned from my three month sojourn in the wilderness and backroads of Colorado. For the first eighteen months, I brought a good sized rock to place around the perimeter of Mr. Virgo’s grave. I had just placed several rocks from my trip and sat back in the car next to his grave so I could get out of the sun. I was overcome with grief and laid my head on the steering wheel and sobbed…that loud, raspy, snotty cry that comes in the early weeks and months after such a profound loss. As I started to regain some control, I heard a bird…fairly close…singing. I looked to my left, and there…on the boundary post not three feet from me…was a mountain bluebird. He was looking straight at me, singing his bluebird song, and tilting his head this way and that as he watched me…intently. I held my breath, afraid to move because I didn’t want to scare him away. He stayed there for the longest time, then finally flew off into a thicket across the road.
\nFor months, every time I went to the cemetery, bluebirds would come. First one, then two…then five, eight, twelve! Flocks of bluebirds! One warm spring day a year after Mr. Virgo’s death, I had the door open and my feet propped up on the door handle. Suddenly, three bluebirds swooped down and landed on the top of the open door. Two more flew in and rested on the side view mirror. I was stunned! As I traveled, birds would come sit near me. One morning in Missouri, as I was programming my GPS, I heard a tap, tap, tapping on the driver’s side window. I looked and there was a goldfinch sitting on the little edge of door, tapping on the glass. This has continued on and on…for four and a half years.
\nSaturday night, I had a dream. A nightmare, really. Mr. Virgo is seldom in my dreams. As a matter of fact, my dream life has largely vanished since his death. But Saturday night, he came and sat on my bed. He looked at me and said he was leaving. I woke up in tears. It felt like a “breaking up with you” kind of leaving. It tugged at the far corners of the abandonment issues I have largely put to rest. It didn’t feel good and made me a little sad. Then, Sunday night…the owls came. Two BIG Great Horned Owls…in the daylight…in a highly urban area…50 feet from me. They sat there in the tree for twenty minutes or so…softly hooting…when first one, then the other, soared on silent wings off to another area. It didn’t really occur to me that Mr. Virgo could have sent those owls…until the second dream.
\nSunday night, he came again. This time he was…softer somehow. Hazy. Ethereal. His voice was thinner…farther off. Again, Mr. Virgo told me he was going away. This time it felt…kinder, gentler. I woke up and lay there in the dark. This didn’t feel like abandonment. This felt like putting the binding on a quilt, tucking the ends in neat and tidy before placing the anchor stitch. Mr. Virgo was saying goodbye. I’ve felt him with me many times in the last four and a half years. Little has seen him. She told me every time he looks at me, he smiles. She was six at the time. I think he knows I’m really, truly ok. I think he knows I’m safe with Mr. FixIt. I think he knows he doesn’t have to watch over me anymore. Does this mean my grief is “over”? No…it means it’s morphed into yet another form. This shape-shifting beast has been largely tamed at this point. It will raise its head every now and again, but for the most part…it is healed. Scarred, but healed. Maybe this has more to do with ME letting go.
\nI will always notice the birds and I will smile in remembrance. But, I will never again think of them as coming from Mr. Virgo. ❤️
\n“Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.”\nHebrews 4:16 NIV
\n\n", "date_published": "2017-07-18T01:55:04-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/07/18/road-trip-day-twelvehe-sent.html", "tags": ["Colorado","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Hope","Positive Energy","The Grand Adventure","Gratitude","Love","Wisdom","Starting Over"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/07/13/road-trip-day-sevenso-you.html", "title": "Road Trip: Day Seven...\"So, You Thought You Were Done, Eh?\"", "content_html": "
![\"Odometer\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/e5ef22681a.jpg\")
\nI ran an errand yesterday morning. I didn’t have much of an appetite. I had my coffee. I snapped the picture of the odometer to show you how much I drove in one week. The cloud cover was grey and threatened thunderstorms all day. And soon…my mood matched the grey skies and I retreated to TOW-Wanda to figure out what was going on. First off…I’m flat out exhausted. Pulling this big of a camper is harder than pulling little TOW-Wanda. I’m more convinced than ever that she’s going south to storage and be used as our winter refuge as snowbirds. Second…much as I was hoping not to, the altitude is still an adjustment. I’m just smart enough this time not to go higher and exercise till I acclimate. Third…I’m still healing from my concussion. Fourth…I did not eat right as I traveled. Fifth…I miss Mr. FixIt and he won’t be here till next week. And Sixth….ahhhhh, Sixth. Grief caught up with me yesterday…not only by my surroundings, but also by these damn Facebook Memories. Damn. Damn, damn, damn. I know I tell you often…“You don’t ‘get over’ grief…you get through it”. And yes…that is SO true. And maybe if the first five things weren’t in play, and if FB hadn’t decided to smack me up the side of the head with pictures of Mr. Virgo’s grave, it wouldn’t have hit me so hard. But, they were there, and I am here. Colorado. This is where Mr. Virgo “lives”. Well, the memories of him. They are strong…and yesterday, I was weak.
\n![\"Grave\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/26d38a9ef1.jpg\")
\nI had a massage scheduled with my daughter. As nice as that sounds…I couldn’t do it. I didn’t have it in me. All I wanted was a popsicle and Mr. FixIt. And, as much as I miss him….I was actually glad he wasn’t here yesterday. I will not use him as a pacifier for grief. That is a road that, while comforting to know I have someone who has my back, is best navigated alone…at least for a time. Till I get it together. Twenty-four hours…thirty-six tops. I mattress surfed. I read. I played games on my phone to keep my mind moving. Amazingly, I didn’t cry. I talked it out with Mr. FixIt and with my family who love me more than anything. And I practiced self care. Self soothing.
\n![\"Grave\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/1f8efb80fb.jpg\")
\nKnowing how to navigate these waves is the gift I received from having been down this particular road so many times over the last four years. Knowing the waves aren’t as high, they don’t hit quite as hard, and they don’t last quite as long…those are the gems God threw down in the flames along this fiery path and that I obediently picked up…whether I understood their importance at the time or not. Today is another day. And if I’m not tip-top…there’s tomorrow. It’s the nature of grief. It’s not even about Mr. Virgo himself, really. I’ve reconciled myself to the loss. No, this is like an echo of pain and memory that opens a door in your heart…for just a few moments. Just long enough to let pain leak out and spill on the scars like a wash of acid. So, you retreat and set about scrubbing up the mess. You don’t stuff it back in the hole. That makes it worse the next time. Instead, you sit with it. Roll it around between your fingers till it turns to dust, then you sweep it away and quietly close the door. Till the next time. ❤️
\n“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.”\nIsaiah 43:2 NIV
\n\n", "date_published": "2017-07-13T01:55:27-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/07/13/road-trip-day-sevenso-you.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Hope","Love","Wisdom"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/07/06/beware-the-wolf.html", "title": "Beware the Wolf", "content_html": "
![\"Wolf](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/d217486e43.jpg\")
\nThe other day when I wrote the post announcing my new love, one of my readers noticed the ring in the picture and remarked it was big and she certainly hoped I hadn’t loaned Mr. FixIt the money to buy it. At first, I was a little offended. After all, she doesn’t know me or Mr. FixIt. I always like to respond in some way to everyone who takes the time to write comments on my blog. This time I waited a couple of days to respond. I knew there was a teaching moment in there. I just wanted to make sure it was the right lesson.
\nOnce I took the time to think through what my reader had said, I realized her intent was honorable…and quite legitimate. She knew a widow who had fallen prey to a scam artist and she lost everything. She now lives in an efficiency apartment with her worldly goods and a small pension. My initial response was much like what one of the following articles states…“Well, that couldn’t possibly happen to me!” Come on, it’s not like ANYONE gets up one morning and says, “Gosh, I think I’ll go out and fall in love and lose all my money today.” Lonely, mostly older women who are single, divorced, or widowed are quite often approached by scam artists posing as single, divorced, or widowed men…most often on Facebook and dating sites. They strike at our most vulnerable moments…the holidays. They know we are alone. They know they can’t get us all…but they can get some and that keeps them coming back for more.
\nI have received countless unsolicited friend requests from “military men” and “foreign contractors” with handsome profile pictures. When I last tried match.com a couple of years ago, the most common trait of the men who approached me online were 6'2", Catholic, a widower, retired, and had a mid six-figure income. Seriously…if a man is that good looking and has that much money, he sure as the dickens doesn’t need to troll on match.com to find dates. He’s going to (more than likely) hook up with that 40-something tennis player down at the country club. Once you see these phonies, you recognize them and you can move on. They are banking on the newbies…the most nervous, the scared, the most unsure, the most vulnerable. I bit once before I figured it out. I have no idea what he took from me. My profile, most likely. Somewhere out there, there could be a fake profile with my picture, trying to scam widowers. I hate that, but there is absolutely nothing I can do about it.
\nBack when I was attempting to date, I had no problem running a background check on someone who expressed an interest in me. I started out with a simple Google search. Then I contracted with a reputable background search company and placed an order. Within a few hours, I received a fairly detailed report. You do need to have the person’s birthday to get more accurate results so there would more than likely need to be some initial contact, but it’s easy and can save you a lot of heartache down the road. The most accurate indicator is your gut. If this guy seems too good to be true, he probably is. Move on if there are doubts. It’s just not worth losing a minute’s rest over.
\nThe problem with this kind of crime is, it often goes unreported out of embarrassment. No one wants to admit to falling for a scam. There are legitimately wonderful, fully available, honorable men out there. They often don’t come forward though. They don’t want to come on too strong. And they don’t want to get shot down. If you want to be in a relationship and no one is beating a path to your door, try starting a conversation in the produce section of the local market or the library or church. Try NOT to be a Casserole Queen…that semi-desperate woman who pounces on every new widower or divorced man in the neighborhood and shows up with the best fried chicken in five counties. Because…there’s going to be fifteen other Casserole Queens right behind you. Be the one who is different, who can offer something the others can’t. Mr. FixIt is a mechanically adept individual. It just impresses the heck out of him that I can back a camper up on a dime and have a nickel left over and mow the lawn in a single session. Beyond the fact that we’ve been friends for nearly half a century, I have some mad skills in areas that interest him. That’s what good men look for…good women who are interesting and can bring something to the table. One whiff of desperation will send him packing. It should work that way for you as well. If a man comes on too strong or wants too much too fast, don’t worry about hurting their feelings. You have no one to look out for your best interests but yourself. Listen to your gut. Choose “alone” over “Mr. Wrong”.
\nToday I head out on my big trip!!! I’ll be giving you the play-by-play but I won’t divulge my exact location in real time. I’ll tell you about the campgrounds and sites the day after I leave them. This is for my own safety. While I’ll miss the heck out of Mr. FixIt…I’m so excited to see my babies! And, I love a road trip!!!
\nHere are some articles for reference.
\n\n\nwww.dailymail.co.uk/news/arti…
\n\n❤️
\n“How useless to spread a net where every bird can see it! These men lie in wait for their own blood; they ambush only themselves! Such are the paths of all who go after ill-gotten gain; it takes away the life of those who get it.”\nProverbs 1:17-19 NIV
\n", "date_published": "2017-07-06T01:55:05-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/07/06/beware-the-wolf.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","The Grand Adventure","Wisdom"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/07/03/the-weekend-walkabout.html", "title": "The Weekend Walkabout", "content_html": "\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/1745513e4e.jpg\")
\nI’m a procrastinator. I have a list as long as my arm to prepare for this trip west. I could have spent the entire day yesterday cleaning and organizing the trailer, doing laundry, straightening up the house. But yesterday was the Lord’s day, so Mr. FixIt and I went to church first. The rest of the day was ours. We went my mother’s family’s reunion and made the introductions. Mutual admiration was expressed. Everyone loves Mr. FixIt. He’s highly personable and, like me, strangers are just friends he hasn’t met yet. We went from there to the City Park and wandered around the carnival. We played a few cards of bingo. We went to a car show. We stopped and visited friends. One of the coolest things about dating Mr. FixIt is…we have a ton of mutual friends so the comfort level is already there. It’s the easiest thing I’ve ever done. This man knows people wherever we go. Literally. My family reunion? A guy that worked at the plant. Church? The daughter of a friend in his bowling league. Car show? Two guys we went to high school with. It’s crazy…and SO fun!
\nWe ended the day with dinner out.
\nWe.
\nWe’ve been “us” for several months now yet it still surprises us sometimes. Because I have been trying to keep him under wraps, my posts have always been “I”. Now that we’ve decided to “go live” so to speak, there seems to be a bit of a learning curve. Like remembering to introduce the other. We’re at that point in our relationship where we’ve just passed this margin threshold where we have built up enough recent memories together to say …“Remember when we…” Oh, I love that! The icing on the cake is our shared memories from high school. I actually remember him from 2nd grade but he has no memory of me back then.
\nWe.
\nOdd…but so lovely and exciting and full of promise. I love when he tells stories of “us”. I love that he got teary eyed when he read some of your comments about finding each other. I love that even though he had a difficult childhood, he is a kind, gentle, peaceful man. I love how he reaches for my hand when we stand to worship and pray in church. I love this man…my lifelong friend…my best friend.
\nSomeone commented yesterday that she didn’t understand my once a pickle, always a pickle analogy meaning I will always be a widow. The thing is, grief has no rule book. She felt remarrying meant she was no longer a widow. At what point does the pain of grief become fond memories? It’s different for everyone. And grief is variable by time. You can be fine, think it’s gone, truly fall in love, yet still be blindsided by a chance encounter, or the smell of familiar cologne. The way the light slants in at supper time. The sound of your grandchildren playing. Memories remain alive when you feed them. No, I’ll always be a widow. But that doesn’t mean I can’t be joyful. And crazy in love. ❤️
\n“No one will be able to stand against you all the days of your life. As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you.”\nJoshua 1:5 NIV
\n", "date_published": "2017-07-03T01:55:23-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/07/03/the-weekend-walkabout.html", "tags": ["Family","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Hope","Fun","Gratitude","Love","God"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/07/01/when-i-becomes-we.html", "title": "When \"I\" Becomes \"We\"", "content_html": "![\"Two](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/f40518c61a.jpg\")
\nYou could knock me over with a feather. I never, ever dreamed I would get another chance at a deep, loving relationship after losing Mr. Virgo. I’ve walked this path of widowhood for over four years now. At first, I was adamant. I would never have another relationship because I would never go through this again. It was just too hard. I had an ill-advised attempt at dating just five months after my husband died suddenly. It didn’t take me long to figure out that was a bandaid that I hastily slapped on the gaping hole where my heart had been. When I ripped that bandage off, the pain was even more unbearable. I didn’t try again for another year. My second attempt wasn’t much better. Both were perfectly nice men. They just weren’t for me. And the timing was still too soon. I had a lot of healing to do before I could risk dating so I made up my mind I’d just give it to God. I told Him if He had someone for me He’d have to just dump him in my lap because I wasn’t going out there looking anymore. It was too hard on me and it wasn’t fair to involve men and break hearts along the way.
\nI’ve kept myself busy. I’ve traveled. I’ve deepened my relationship with God because He became my primary focus. My writing grew in depth and meaning. My reach broadened. I had everything I needed. But I still wanted someone to share it all with. I was planning to live up at the river again when I came back to West Virginia last August. Then I got the call that my aunt wasn’t doing well and was going to go live with her brother. My uncle asked me to live on the family farm. And I put down more roots than I’ve had since I sold my Colorado house three years ago. It has been an amazing time of healing for me. I have a wonderful group of friends and a rich social life here.
\nSometime in the fall, I ran into an old friend from high school. I’ve known him for almost 49 years. I was fifteen and he was sixteen when we met. He was on the stage crew and I was in the art department. One day I was up on a ladder painting a backdrop. I heard someone clear his throat. I looked over and there was this tall, lanky redhead with the most beautiful blue eyes and an impish grin. We became fast friends and always looked for each other in the halls. Funny…we never dated in high school. We were both shy. We both went on and dated others and after graduation, our paths went in different directions. We never forgot each other though and were always so happy to catch up at class reunions.
\nSometime before Thanksgiving, we ran into each other and the timing was finally right for us. He invited me out for lunch and the rest, as they say, is history. He understands me. He is tender and sensitive to my needs as a widow. He has made room in our relationship for Mr. Virgo because he realizes he is only gone physically. He listens to my stories. He knows Mr. Virgo would have been the kind of guy he would have respected and enjoyed being around.
\nI’ve been leaving breadcrumbs for you here. I’ve spoken of “my friend”, “my traveling companion”, and even his blog identity…“Mr. FixIt”. He has fixed many things for me…around the farm, around my heart, around my life. He is so much fun to be around. Sweet, attentive, open, honest to a fault…an honorable man I am proud to be with. We wanted to keep this to ourselves for a while for a number of reasons…not the least of which was just savoring every moment with it being just us. Now, we’re ready to step out into the world and walk through anything life hands us…hand in hand. I wasn’t sure how to tell you. I am not sure how this news will be received. But, since the very beginning, this blog has been about speaking openly and honestly about my grief journey…and this is just another twisty turn in it. My grief is not over. It will never be over. I’ve gotten through the worst of it, by far. Even though I’m in a relationship, I am still a widow. Once a pickle, always a pickle…you don’t get to go back to being a fresh cucumber again. I have always wanted my story to be about my love for God and to give you hope. Hope that, if you want to travel, pull a little camper, write a blog, or fall in love again…you can. Life comes to a screeching halt after the death of a spouse. Everyone’s grief is different…but, you CAN find joy again. I’m living proof of that.
\nI hope you will stick around and see what comes next. I hope you’ll share the love and joy and hope. It’s all about beauty. It’s all about love. It’s all about life. ❤️
\n“Do two walk together unless they have agreed to do so?”\nAmos 3:3 NIV
\n", "date_published": "2017-07-01T01:55:15-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/07/01/when-i-becomes-we.html", "tags": ["Family","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","Fun","West Virginia","Gratitude","Love","God","Wisdom","Aging","Starting Over"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/06/24/on-being-patient.html", "title": "On Being Patient", "content_html": "![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/e75f4f1351.jpg\")
\nThis is a tough one for most people. I try. I think I practice humility, most of the time. And I feel I approach people gently. But patience? If patience is a virtue, I am far from being a virtuous woman! The pastor was talking last weekend about what happens when you can see your goals and dreams but they just aren’t manifesting for you in real time. What happens when you get a clear picture of what God wants you to do but no matter what you try, you can’t get there? Oh, it’s so hard to be patient and wait for things to happen in God’s time, isn’t it?
\nI’ve never been patient. I want things my way and I want them now. That doesn’t mean I can’t compromise in relationships, but I’d have to say…if you ask either of my former husbands…they would tell you I’m a pistol. If my mom were still living? Oy. Let’s just say, I’ve never been patient. Trust me on this.
\nSo…how do you become patient if that is not your nature? The answer is, of course, with practice. Impatience comes from being reactionary. Slowing things down, taking a breath, giving yourself a moment to think automatically makes you more patient by simple pausing. I used to blurt out answers to questions, sometimes regretting my response immediately. I am trying to practice, “Hmmmm…I’ll think about that and get back to you.” Unless you are in a life and death situation, most people don’t actually NEED an immediate response. They will probably prefer it, but seldom NEED it.
\nI’ve stopped praying for patience because it seemed like that was just like asking God to give me more opportunities to BE patient. I have enough of those without asking for more. We all have faults. If we wish for others to be patient with us, then we must practice patience. And…when they are not patient with us, we have to practice twice as hard. Patience brings peace and calm to stressful situations. I know this intellectually. I just have to remember to practice it. I suppose that is why, in the English language, we say “practice patience”…not “DO patience”.
\nAll things are done in God’s time anyway. Impatience in any situation is just wasted energy. Mindfulness can help ease impatience while we wait for results. Clearly, all we have is this present moment. All other moments are memory or anticipation. I guess it boils down to our perception of control. We cannot change the actions of others…we can only control our reaction to them. So, I’ll keep practicing. ❤️
\n“You say, “I choose the appointed time; it is I who judge with equity.”\nPsalm 75:2 NIV
\n\n", "date_published": "2017-06-24T01:55:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/06/24/on-being-patient.html", "tags": ["Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Positive Energy","Gratitude","God"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/06/22/there-is-hope.html", "title": "There is Hope", "content_html": "
![\"Before](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/f0aa30cee2.jpg\")
\nIf you are grieving, please know there is hope…for healing, for brighter days, for joy. Those of us who have walked this particular journey know full well the feelings of hopelessness that come in the dark of night. We know how hard it is to find the motivation to do the simplest of everyday tasks like personal grooming, cleaning house, cooking. Preparing a meal becomes Herculean. Brushing your teeth is as daunting as climbing Everest. Balancing your checkbook is something you did in a former life…you know, that time back in the day when your brain functioned as it should.
\nWhen you are slogging through the midst of this madness called grief, it is easy to lose hope that things will ever get better. After all, how could they without your special person? I know, when I lost Mr. Virgo, my world came crashing in at my feet and I swore I would never feel anything but the crushing pain of loss. I was so tired, so depressed, so angry, so fearful. In the picture on the left, my eyes were puffy from crying all the time. I didn’t sleep. I didn’t eat right. I didn’t exercise. It was all I could do to breathe…and I didn’t even do that very well. Do you remember what it felt like to not be able to take in a deep breath? I sighed..a lot. That’s actually a physiological response to grief.
\nI was a Christian before I lost Mr. Virgo. One of the “hidden gems in the flames” of grief has been a closer relationship with God. That depth of love has brought me through the darkest days of my life. I cannot imagine how I could have possibly survived this without my faith. There were long nights where sleep simply would not come and anxiety would have me paralyzed and physically ill. I tried everything to make it stop. There were nights I thought about the gun in the cupboard. About how easy it would be to just end this suffering. But…I simply could not do that. After having suffered a near-fatal overdose during a severe depression seventeen years ago, and seeing the devastation that caused my family, I knew full well that would never be my way out. No, somehow I had to find a way to get through this.
\nI remember nights when I couldn’t pray. I couldn’t form words. All I could do was moan in pain. I would close my eyes and visualize Jesus. I would picture him sitting on a bench in a beautiful garden…his robes as white as snow, his dusty sandals strapped to his road-worn feet. I couldn’t speak before him. All I could do was moan…my pain escaping from my throat in guttural gasps. And when I would look at him, he showed me such compassion. He held his arms out to welcome me into his presence. I walked forward and collapsed at his feet and laid my head upon his knee and sobbed. And he would gently stroke my hair and console me. He loved me as a father…as a brother. He poured his mighty love and light over me and washed away the pain for that particular night with the sincere promise that I could come back any time for more. He is always there…my comforter, my rock. And now look…he poured SO much love and light into me, it flows outward. I finally fully understand the phrase, “My cup runneth over.”
\nIf I bring you anything with my words, let me bring you hope. Hope for brighter days. Hope for sleep-filled nights. Hope for healing. Hope for joy. I couldn’t have done this alone. I have my writing. I have you all. I have the love of friends and family. And I have Jesus. Jesus makes me shine. He most definitely makes me shine. Ok…Rodan & Fields skincare helps, too…but it’s mostly Jesus! ❤️
\n“In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God.”\nRomans 8:26-27 NIV
\n\n
#RFGoNaked
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\n", "date_published": "2017-06-22T01:55:43-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/06/22/there-is-hope.html", "tags": ["Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","Gratitude","God","Wisdom","Aging"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/06/15/in-transition.html", "title": "In Transition", "content_html": "
![\"Tussock](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/83932a865c.jpg\")
\nThe life I led before becoming a widow fell away from me on March 12, 2013. I was a beautiful caterpillar before that day…pretty, perfect, moving from meal to meal mindlessly. Oh, it didn’t seem mindless at the time. I was full of energy and purpose and life and love. But the day Mr. Virgo died, the “ME” I was left for good. I tried for a long time to get her back. In my naïveté, I thought it was somehow possible to get over all this and get back to the business of living my life as a caterpillar. After a while, I finally got it…that part of my life was over.
\nI went into my cocoon, that dark space where I worked on what was inside somehow trusting the outside would follow. And eventually, after lots of prayer and time and travel and mistakes, I finally emerged…changed, to be sure. But with wings! Wings that have carried me to new heights. To new places. To new life, new love, new friends, new peace.
\nAs I sat on the front porch yesterday, this little yellow caterpillar crawled up on an old pair of boots I have sitting on a table outside Grandma’s front window. I watched it explore this inanimate object in search of food. It’s a beautiful thing…soon to become a tussock moth. I contemplated all the varieties of caterpillars there are in the world. They are different for a reason. They are meant to become a moth or a butterfly…whether a short, stubby, nondescript gypsy moth or a magnificent luna moth, a tiny Karner Blue or a Monarch or a Swallowtail…they will all have wings and fulfill their destinies.
\nWidows are the butterflies of love and loss…we transform through a period of darkness, stillness encased in a hard shell, a chrysalis, a crucible of change. When our time comes and we are ready, we start to grow. Our comfortable shell, that place that helped protect us from the world, begins to feel too tight, too constricting. In the time before we break through to our new life, this one begins to feel quite painful. It is in that moment we think we can’t do this anymore. It’s just too much. We’ve endured so much pain, so much discomfort. Now, here we are going through it again. Unlike the caterpillar, we have a choice to make here. Stay in this dark place forever or emerge into the world of the unknown, fresh and new, yet forever changed.
\nWhat we have the hardest time seeing in that dark place is the beauty of the life beyond. If we can just drag ourselves out on the limb, hang on by tips of our fingers, and trust God to work on our hearts, life blood pumps into our wings and they begin to expand and dry. For a while we sit there, in disbelief. We flex our wings…our beautiful, multicolored wings…and in a glorious moment of magic, we fly!
\nThere is a certain ambivalence between sorrow and healing. What starts out as a line as thick and strong as a ship’s anchor chain, time and healing stretches that connection to our loved one out into a thinner and finer cord. Still strong, but lighter. If you cut that cord that ties you, are you unfaithful to the memory of your lost love? Have you turned your back on what that relationship meant to you? Are you betraying your life partner if you choose to step out into the sun? I don’t believe so. Spreading my wings and flying is exactly what my love would want, would expect, me to do. I’ll never forget my days as a caterpillar but I’m choosing to move forward, to live my life as a glorious butterfly. To really own that. I choose to fly. ❤️
\n“The LORD our God said to us at Horeb, “You have stayed long enough at this mountain.”\nDeuteronomy 1:6 NIV
\n\n", "date_published": "2017-06-15T01:55:13-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/06/15/in-transition.html", "tags": ["Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Positive Energy","Gratitude","God","Wisdom"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/06/05/in-my-own-voice.html", "title": "In My Own Voice", "content_html": "
![\"Woman](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/aaf888cda8.jpg\")
\nFor those of you who are fairly new here, the whole thing started with this field. Twenty-two years ago, I brought the kids to West Virginia to introduce my future son-in-law to the family. Daughter #1 was about 19 and #2 was about 4. We went for a drive in the country, came around a bend, and here was this field filled with what looked all the world to be giant marshmallows. #1 told #2 that this was a Marshmallow Ranch. “This is where they grow the marshmallows really big then they cut them up in little pieces, put them in bags, and sell them at the stores.” she said.
\nYears later, I owned a little needlework shop called Needles & Pins. When I made items to sell in the shop, I created an art division of the company and called it Marshmallow Ranch because it was cute and catchy. Three months before Mr. Virgo died, I revived the name and began making handcrafted jewelry and art out of antique silverware and maps. I opened an Etsy shop and started this page. When I became a widow, I really wished I had a grief mentor to walk me through the painful journey ahead of me. Since I didn’t, I decided to BE that mentor for others and began blogging about what I was going through, with an honest and open heart…no matter how ugly it got. I already had around 400 followers at this point so I just kept the name and that started four years of daily blog posts. It’s been an interesting, painful, challenging journey. It has also been filled with hope, love, and joy…something I certainly couldn’t see starting out.
\nI didn’t really start speaking in my own voice until death whipped every ounce of pretense out of me. I had spent two decades as a Jewish doctor’s wife and never really felt “authentic” in that space. When you are raised in the home of an unpredictable alcoholic, you learn to tap dance for your supper. When you are born into a family with a child with a developmental disability, you learn to not give your mom any more trouble than what she is already facing. You learn to be the clown, to not rock the boat, to make everyone laugh. Above all else, I wanted to make my mom laugh. In so doing, I became a chameleon. I “changed colors” with my environment in order to fit in.
\nWhen I couldn’t keep all the balls in the air anymore, I dropped into a deep depression and spent seven years in what has come to be known in my family as “The Prozac Years.” I cannot be held entirely responsible for my behaviors from 1993 through 2000. Prozac altered my personality and I didn’t care about anything or anyone…a fact I’m still making up for. I was much more genuine the seven years I was with Mr. Virgo, but still, I hid parts of who I was…from him, from my family, from everyone. Grief has a way of stripping you bare. Your heart breaks open wide and shatters to the floor in a million shards. At some point you realize you have come to a crossroads. Stay where you are with your heart at your feet, or pick up the pieces and put yourself back together as best you can. What better time to drop all pretenses and become the genuine “you” you were born to be? I would stand in front of the mirror and ask God to show me who He wanted me to be…who He had MADE me to be. And bit by bit, piece by piece, I discovered my genuine voice. It’s much easier to just BE than it is to try to fit in.
\nThat’s the peace you see on my face when you send me such lovely messages about my pictures. That is the genuine, real me…relaxed in my own skin for perhaps the first time in my life. What you see is God’s love shining through me. I’m merely a conduit, passing on the Light I have been graced with. My cup is full to overflowing. ❤️
\n“Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.”\n1 Peter 3:3-4 ESV
\n", "date_published": "2017-06-05T01:55:48-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/06/05/in-my-own-voice.html", "tags": ["Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","West Virginia","The Farm","Gratitude","God","Wisdom"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/06/02/taste-treats.html", "title": "Taste Treats", "content_html": "![\"Tasty](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/8bb485f0fd.jpg\")
\nWhen I was a little girl, this farm produced strawberries for the local Farmer’s Market. The berries my grandparents grew were known far and wide as some of the best available. They were huge, juicy, red ripe clear to the center and as sweet as sugar. Oh, my mouth waters thinking about them. Sometimes you couldn’t get more than five or six in the quart berry baskets. I wasn’t allowed in the berry patch. My hands stuffed those berries in my mouth much faster than they should have and I kept stepping on the runners because I didn’t understand their importance. But I watched every step of the production and took great pride in driving to town with my Pop-Pop and a pickup load of berries every afternoon.
\nAnother childhood memory from these parts is Ward’s Market, a fresh produce stand that also carries a good variety of Amish made and local delicacies. I had to make a run to town yesterday so I stopped on my way home to see what the market had available. I was thrilled to see home grown strawberries there! As you can see, this isn’t one of your mass produced, farm-factory grown berries. This baby is red straight through, and while the taste is not as sweet as Grandma’s berries, these have excellent flavor. Aromatic, succulent, still warm from the sun. Oh, my…what’s not to love about that?
\nI found several items to add to my larder. Amish roll butter is my favorite. As little butter as I use, I choose the real deal over the plastic stuff you get in tubs at the grocery stores. Margarine was invented to feed cattle and they wouldn’t eat it so they added food coloring and feed it to us. Delightful. No thanks. I got a jar of sweet heat pickles and black raspberry jam, also made in Amish Country. Then there’s my favorite…Oliverio Hot Peppers in Sauce and Oliverio Spaghetti Sauce….made in Clarksburg, WV. Clarksburg has a high concentration of Italians and there are some wonderful Italian restaurants there. I like to mix these two jars when I’m making spaghetti sauce and add my own touches like black olives, capers, garlic, oregano, onions, hot Italian sausage, mushrooms, red pepper flakes, and three or four mashed anchovies filets. This makes a lovely Putanesca Sauce…a peasant style Sauce from Northern Italy. I’m planning to have a dinner party before I leave for Colorado next month and I think this will be perfect on the menu.
\nAfter my foray into town, I mowed the lawn. I had arranged with a young man to mow while I was gone and he didn’t show up so I’ll need to make other plans for when I’m in Colorado. I hate mowing when it’s so deep because you can’t avoid getting clumps of grass everywhere. I ran over a snake with the mower and cut it in half. I really felt bad because it was a black snake and they help keep the rodent population down. I am, however, very glad it wasn’t a copperhead or a rattlesnake! I bought a couple suet feeders in town and set them up. I replenished my thistle supply so I fed the finches. I think everyone is going to be pretty happy out there today.
\nAs I was mowing yesterday, I got to thinking about how much my writing has changed through my grief journey. I go back sometimes and read my early stuff to see how far I’ve come. It’s pretty remarkable actually. There has been an improvement in my writing in general. I think that is to be expected when you write an essay every single day for four years. It’s like skiing. If you don’t improve after skiing every day for four years, you weren’t cut out to be a skier. I also notice my subject matter is much more diverse now. The blinders are off and I can see the world again. And I can interact with it. The reason I’m saying this is, there are new readers who find this page every day. Many of them are fairly new in this widowed life and they may just pass on thinking there is nothing here for them. I would encourage you, if you are new here, to scroll back through the blog to the earlier stuff. I’m sure you will find something to relate to. I guess what I’m getting at is…if you are hurting tonight, if you heart has been broken wide open, if the life you have known and hoped to live forever has fallen in pieces at your feet, please know my heart is with you. We have some really amazing people who frequent this blog. Wonderful, supportive, loving people who understand where you are. If you’re new, please find encouragement in the fact that, four years…three years…two years ago, I was desperately in pain. I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t sleep, I ate my pain and put on drastic amounts of weight, and I really didn’t care much what happened to me. Sure, I had joy. I had insights. I had hope. But I certainly had pain. Please take encouragement in the fact that I can take great joy in planning a dinner party and filling the bird feeders and mowing the lawn. The life you want will not come to you. You must walk to it…kinda like an elaborate treasure hunt where the gift you find at the end is…YOU!
\nKeep searching. Leap moving. Keep coming back. You’re going to make it, dear one. ❤️
\n“Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.”\nMatthew 5:4 NIV
\n", "date_published": "2017-06-02T01:55:57-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/06/02/taste-treats.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Positive Energy","West Virginia","The Farm","Gratitude"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/05/17/my-resting-place.html", "title": "My Resting Place", "content_html": "![\"Peony\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/5a9dd718c6.jpg\")
\nLast week there were two mornings where the temperature hovered just a tad above freezing. I was so happy that my flowers and the cherry trees didn’t get nipped by Old Jack Frost. And just like that, the temps soared up to the 80’s yesterday. When it gets like that, it’s too hot to sit on the front porch after the sun crosses the house and starts its decent over the far ridge. It doesn’t go behind that ridge till just before 7:00, but after that…the porch is my domain again.
\nI struggled a little yesterday. Loss encroached into the periphery of my life over the weekend and even though it didn’t affect my inner circle, sometimes other people’s loss stirs my own feelings. I so seldom have a bad day anymore. Really. I can certainly tell when I wake up, which way the winds will blow, and yesterday was a little stormy. Not bad. Not nearly like I’ve had in the past. My grief has always gone out through the pit of my stomach and I have learned to just let it pass. I’ve learned to listen to my body and give myself permission to have a mattress-surfing day. I had my “Emergency Down-Day Kit” at the ready. I rode the wave back into shore and as the house cooled, so did I.
\nRiding that wave and finding my resting place reminded me of those long, dark early nights of grief when I would have what I referred to as…bad nights. There were nights when the only way I made it through was to visualize sitting at the feet of Jesus, resting my head on his knee, and letting him stroke my hair the way my mother did when I was a child. I knew that I was God’s child, and that my resting place was in that place in my heart where Christ lives. There was a woman who came to sing at the Revival last week. She sang a song she wrote about finding her resting place in Jesus. It is comforting to me when I learn I am not alone in this journey…that there are others who have struggled, who struggle still, and that I’m really ok.
\nMy grief is different now. It’s fleeting. It’s temperate. It’s diffuse. It’s not even filled with Mr. Virgo like it was. It’s more like a cloud of sadness that settles for a little bit then lifts and moves on. If I let myself delve too deep, I could stir up too many things and I’ve learned that doesn’t serve me well. I’ve also learned it doesn’t hurt me to indulge myself in this bit of reverie. It’s a giant emotional yardstick that illustrates how far I’ve come since March 12, 2013. It will always be there. I don’t know what stirred it this time…probably the loss I’ve seen in others lately. Today is a new day…I have tools…I have hope…I have love…I have God. What more could I need? ❤️
\n““Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.””\nMatthew 11:28-30 NIV
\n", "date_published": "2017-05-17T01:55:55-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/05/17/my-resting-place.html", "tags": ["Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","West Virginia","The Farm","God","Wisdom"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/05/08/old-time-religion.html", "title": "Old Time Religion", "content_html": "![\"Old-fashioned](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/95e585ffe3.jpg\")
\nSome of my earliest memories surround the little white church on the hill a couple miles from the farm. We only had a handful of people come every Sunday. We had a circuit preacher who came every six weeks or so. You dressed for church back then. And you dressed extra special on preaching Sunday. We got a stick of Beeman’s gum, or maybe Juicy Fruit, to keep our little mouths fresh…and busy. Grandma tied a shiny dime in the corner of a hanky and gave it to us for the collection plate. We were threatened within an inch of our lives to be good. You never, ever wanted to cross Grandma.
\nWe were never made to go to a Revival. Maybe Grandma knew that was too much to ask from a little girl as fidgety as me, I don’t know. But that was one experience I never had. Since the hellfire and brimstone style of Preacher Simon scared me away from church at the ripe old age of seven, it was pretty much a moot point. I remember feeling intrigued by those tent revivals I saw popping up in rural areas, though. The big tents had no sides and bare light bulbs were strung above rows of white folding chairs. Earnest people crowded into standing-room-only tents and churches to do…something. Sing? Shout? Handle snakes and drink poison? What did I know? I heard stories. I didn’t want to have anything to do with it. Till last night. I’m using the word “want” loosely. I was certainly curious.
\nI got the call yesterday from my cousin/friend asking me to come to the Revival with the added caveat that Johnnie Staats was playing. I’d walk ten miles to see Johnny Staats play so since I had no other plans and I can always use a good dose of Jesus, I agreed to go. I arrived at 6:30 and visited with some old familiar faces till the music started at 7:00. Johnny didn’t disappoint and it’s true…good Gospel music brings on the familiar goosebumps I attribute to faith experiences. The young pastor and the lead singer encouraged anyone who wanted to say something to speak up. After “Go Rest High on That Mountain”, I could not hold back the tears. I could literally feel the spirits of my ancestry joining in and rose to say so. I spoke of being born into that little church sixty-four years ago, how my Grandpa and his brother, Red, were the lay ministers when it wasn’t preaching Sunday, how my Uncle Bob rang the church bell without fail. Mine were not the only tears as others remembered those who have gone on before.
\nFinally, the young pastor got down to delivering a right sprightly sermon on the many names of God that was really quite interesting. It was fascinating to see the same jumping up and down, yelling style of that pastor of old through sixty-four year old eyes instead of that frightened little girl who peed her pants out of fear. I could look past some of the dogma differences in our particular denominations to enjoy the fellowship of kith and kin. At the end of three hours…yes, three hours…the altar call came. I’m a Christian. I have no problem with a good alter call. But I knew before the first notes of the song began that I was going to be called forward by the pastor. And that’s when things got really interesting.
\nI have never, ever been anointed. The pastor looked at me and smiled and said, “You knew you were coming up here the minute you walked in this door didn’t you? Girl, you got God all over you!” I looked in his kind eyes and felt my shoulders relax. I smiled wanly and nodded. The pastor took out a vial of oil and anointed the sign of the cross on my forehead. He got serious and said, “You’ve gone through some pretty rough stuff…hard stuff…stuff that you didn’t think you would live through, haven’t you? As a matter of fact, you almost died, didn’t you?” I swallowed hard and nodded again. “And you’re going through something really hard now…something that has a weight on you and your smile doesn’t always meet your eyes. You have a mission and sometimes you’re not feeling worthy. Well, let me tell you…you are! You are going to walk out of here renewed and refreshed with a smile the likes of which you haven’t felt for a long, long time. Are you ready to receive that?” At this point I was smiling through my tears with my hands raised and a dozen or more people were standing around me with their hands on me…all praying fervent prayers individually as the pastor grasped my head in both his hands and beseeched God to shower blessings on me and the ministry I have been placed here to do and that I be anointed from the top of my head to the soles of my feet. I am not lying…it was an exhilarating experience and I indeed felt refreshed and renewed in spirit. I felt twenty pounds lighter.
\nI can see how people can be whipped to a frenzy in churches of that style. Enough to handle snakes and drink strychnine? Perhaps. I am not passing judgement in any way. What I felt was love and light. The world needs more love and light. This isn’t my style…I love the contemporary church I attend. But, last night let me see my grandparents’ church through a new lens and let me release some of the bad memories I have always associated with it. Healing is a beautiful thing. ❤️
\n“Will you not revive us again, that your people may rejoice in you?”\nPsalms 85:6 NIV
\n", "date_published": "2017-05-08T01:55:05-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/05/08/old-time-religion.html", "tags": ["Family","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Hope","West Virginia"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/05/05/at-last.html", "title": "At Last...", "content_html": "![\"Rhododendron](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/325870958f.jpg\")
\nI was sitting out on the front porch yesterday…drinking coffee, solving the crossword, checking in with friends, listening to the Norah Jones channel on Pandora, watching the spring showers blow through in waves. It’s been a crazy week with trips to town for one thing and another every day since I got back from my last trip. Yeah, I know…it’s rough. But, I was really relishing a few hours of peace and quiet before a friend arrived in the afternoon for a visit. It felt good to just BE for a little bit. Those moments always turn something on in my heart…like fine-tuning the dial on a radio to get the station perfectly clear.
\nI was lost in reverie when Etta James came on with her sultry, smooth voice…“At Last”. Oh…there was a time when the mere thought of that song made me burst into tears. That was the song Mr. Virgo and I danced to at our wedding. The one…and only…time he ever danced with me. I can still remember the way my hand rested in his, the sparkle in his eyes, the early spring sunshine slanting through the panes of glass in the sun room of the restaurant where we were married. I remember the way the smooth, black and white tiles felt beneath my feet as he gently guided me in a four foot square…not standing still but not really dancing either. Just moving and sharing a special moment.
\nI was so excited to marry that man. My second divorce had left me yearning for a loving connection, as if changing my name would be another chapter further into the story of my life…further away from the pain and heartbreak that had come before. Our relationship was sweet and trusting, a mutual love and respect that soothed my broken heart and made me whole again. Three weeks shy of six years later, my heart shattered again when he died right in front of me.
\nYes, there was a time when this memory would have caught me off guard and I would have been reduced to a puddle of messiness and pain. And, I’m sure there will be a time in the future when it triggers something that will open that wound again. Not yesterday. Yesterday, I smiled and remembered the way his suit coat felt when I laid my hand on his chest as we danced, his strength and confidence a source of comfort to me. I could almost smell his Halston cologne. I wish I could remember what we said to each other in that moment but it is lost to me. I wish he had liked to dance. I love being held in a tall man’s arms.
\nI was brought back…to the porch, to myself, to this beautiful life I am living…by the stunning sweep of a Pileated Woodpecker landing on the dead tree stump in the front yard where I have the rain gauge. At last…I have come home to myself and I’m anchored in this moment without drifting back into the stormy abyss of grief like a sailor being washed from the deck in a restless sea. At last. ❤️
\n“You made me suffer a lot, but you will bring me back from this deep pit and give me new life. You will make me truly great and take my sorrow away.”\nPsalms 71:20-21 CEVUS06
\n", "date_published": "2017-05-05T01:55:41-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/05/05/at-last.html", "tags": ["Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","The Farm","Wisdom"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/05/04/gone-from-my-sight.html", "title": "Gone From My Sight", "content_html": "![\"Ship](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/9b9fc8cce1.jpg\")
\nThey were Lucy and Ethel. Lucy, the clown, was the preschool teacher…much beloved by students, parents, and staff. Ethel, the straight woman, was the para in her classroom. They were a great team for twenty years and remained friends in the years since. Mutt and Jeff…peas and carrots…peanut butter and jelly.
\nWhen Ethel’s beloved husband died, it was Lucy who rallied the troops and gathered a whole box of joyful gifts and sent it to her. There were fuzzy pens and silly hats, coloring books and crayons…all manner of trinkets that spelled out “I love you”…wrapped in brightly colored tissue paper. Ethel’s mood was visibly lifted by these precious gifts as well as the explosion of color all round her on the kitchen floor. This was the nature of their love for each other.
\nThen Lucy got sick. She had an aggressive breast cancer and in spite of three courses of chemo, radiation that burned her severely, and a double mastectomy, it finally got to the point where all the poisons Lucy endured shut down her organs one at a time. When she finally got the word there was nothing left to do, she ordered up mimosas and gathered her best friends in her room for a songfest. Lucy didn’t give up easy. She fought to stay here…for her life, for her friends, but most of all, for her 17-year-old daughter. But, once they transferred her to a beautiful hospice room with a view of a dozen birdfeeders and family photos all around, it was literally only a couple of days before Lucy left her family and friends behind and went on her next Grand Adventure.
\nEthel was bereft. She was just gaining a little footing after losing her husband four years ago and now she had to lose the other half of her…her Lucy. She spoke at the Celebration of Life and shared a poem at the end. It is a beautiful image of crossing over to the other side and I asked her permission to share it with you today.
\nI was sitting in my car when her text came in. I haven’t intruded this week. She needed her space to begin processing her grief and collect her thoughts before she reached out. She knew where to find me. I had just finished purchasing and shipping two huge tins of potato chips to MY Lucy. Friends since we were kids, my Lucy was everything I wanted to be…petite, blonde, tan, sassy. She could play the piano and sing. She’s having a health issue so I sent her some love from home in the form of the best, the ONLY, potato chip produced in West Virginia…Mr. Bee’s. I was waxing sentimental when my friend sent me this poem. It reduced me to tears right there in the parking lot. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.
\n\nGone From My Sight\n\nI am standing upon the seashore. A ship, at my side, spreads her white sails to the moving breeze and starts for the blue ocean. She is an object of beauty and strength. I stand and watch her until, at length, she hangs like a speck of white cloud just where the sea and sky come to mingle with each other.\n\nThen, someone at my side says, "There, she is gone."\n\nGone where?\n\nGone from my sight. That is all. She is just as large in mast, hull and spar as she was when she left my side. And, she is just as able to bear her load of living freight to her destined port. Her diminished size is in me -- not in her.\n\nAnd, just at the moment when someone says, "There, she is gone," there are other eyes on the far shore, watching her coming, and other voices ready to take up the glad shout, "Here she comes!"\n\n~Henry Van Dyke ❤️\n\n“and you will receive a rich welcome into the eternal kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.”\n2 Peter 1:11 NIV\n\nPhoto Source: Pinterest\n![\"Turtle](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/5a179517dc.jpg\")
\nWhat happens when you hit the wall? When grief raises its ugly head and bites you in the butt? When you “wear the same jammies four days straight” and can’t get out of yourself like a friend of mine did recently? It happens. When you think you’re done with grief, that b**** will grab you by the short hairs and lay you low…just like that. So, what do you do?
\nHaving an accountability partner helps. If you have that trusted friend, let him or her know if they don’t hear from you in “x” number of days, send in the troops. I knew my friend had “gone dark” and I was about to go roust her up and force feed her when she did it on her own.
\nI had a hard and fast rule…I simply would not allow myself more than two consecutive days of “mattress surfing”. If I had to crawl to the kitchen for coffee and do nothing but pull on sweats and run a brush through my hair, at least I had moved from the bed to the couch. Every little piece of progress adjusts your thinking and that adjusts your reality. I know, I know…much easier said than done in the throes of grief. Just do your best.
\nOn the days that you are feeling good and upbeat, don’t let yourself forget what the dark feels like. Make yourself some care packages in preparation for those down days. Get a little gift bag or pretty tote. Fill it with a box of tissues, some good chocolate, a coloring book and crayons, a favorite magazine or two with lots of colorful, glossy pictures, a fresh pair of jammies and clean socks, a new toothbrush and a different flavor toothpaste, a little bottle of perfume, maybe a little makeup, a nice new tea and a new mug. You can get these things at the dollar store…they don’t have to be fancy…just readily available. If you do manage to get up, go straight to your kitchen sink and scrub it…whether you want to or not. There’s something about a shiny, clean sink that sets the tone. And, try making your bed if you manage to get up. It’s less inviting to jump back in when the bed is dressed and so are you.
\nThere are days when it comes back as fresh and new as it was, this grief we have in common. But remember, when you slip…when you pull back in your shell… you aren’t going back quite as far as you were. Not back to the beginning. Hang in there. Stay vertical as much as you can. And treat yourself with the same kindness and compassion you would offer a dear friend. ❤️
\n“Dear friend, I pray that you may enjoy good health and that all may go well with you…”\n3 John 1:2 NIV
\n\n", "date_published": "2017-05-02T01:55:03-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/05/02/slow-and-steady.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/04/29/life-is-a-beautiful-thing.html", "title": "Life is a Beautiful Thing", "content_html": "
![\"Woman](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/fa9004ccc6.jpg\")
\nLife is about choices. Every day we are faced with the choice to rise up and grab life by the tail and wring every ounce of, what…joy, love, happiness, laughter, beauty, energy, excitement, sweetness? All that and more await us every day. Even if you struggle with depression, anxiety, grief, sadness, fear, loss….there is room for choices in your life.
\nTwo weeks after Mr. Virgo died, I had a choice to make. I could die, metaphorically. Or I could live…really live. With joy and abundance. It was not easy. Especially early on. But I made every day count. I looked for joyful things to put in front of me to make life bearable. I surprised myself with joy. And, the more times I chose joy, the lighter my load became. It wasn’t overnight by any stretch of the imagination. But bit by bit, every positive choice helped bring me up from the abyss into the light.
\nTravel has been one of the joys that has helped me the most in my grief. Whether alone or with a friend or group of friends, seeing new places, challenging myself in different situations, and finding new parts of myself has been an amazing journey of growth and self-discovery. This trip has been no exception. I am very grateful I got to tag along with a friend in a gifted week at a timeshare. It was a lot of fun as well as relaxing.
\nChoices. Choose life. Choose joy. Choose laughter. Choose gratitude. I know. It’s not easy. Even in my darkest days of grief, I could surprise myself with joy…if even for just a moment. Moments build and time changes things. Whoever said time heals all wounds lied. It doesn’t. But you can build strong scars that show how hard you loved..how hard you fought. Just keep making positive choices. ❤️
\n“You make known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.”\nPsalm 16:11 NIV
\n\n", "date_published": "2017-04-29T01:55:01-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/04/29/life-is-a-beautiful-thing.html", "tags": ["Travel","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","The Grand Adventure","God","Wisdom"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/04/20/the-honeydo-list.html", "title": "The Honey-Do List", "content_html": "
![\"The](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/5da944de70.jpg\")
\nI am fortunate to be sort of a tomboy. Ok, in a girly, tiara-wearing princess kind of way. I’ve never shied away from getting into difficult jobs and pulling them off. When my mom died, I remodelled her house almost completely by myself. I hired the electric and the outdoor painting. And I couldn’t hang the cabinets alone because I wasn’t strong enough to hold them up and screw them in on my own. I tore the kitchen out to the walls. I did the countertops, sink, garbage disposal, GFI outlets, tiled the backsplash, put in under cabinet lighting, installed Pergo flooring, coped the baseboards, tiled the entryway, sweated pipes, installed the appliances, refinished hardwood floored, installed a new front door, new light fixtures, painted the whole interior and redid the bathroom clear down to the sub flooring. It was crazy!
\nI had done a few of those things before, but most I had to learn as I went along. I hear from a lot of women that they don’t know the first thing how to do the maintenance around the house since their husbands died. A lot of women have never changed a tire or mowed the lawn. A lot of men have never balanced a check book or done laundry.
\nI can’t tell you how many YouTube videos I’ve watched to learn how to do things. Google is my best friend. I have a Reader’s Digest book called the ABC’s of Home Repairs. Any home store like Home Depot or Lowe’s has knowledgeable staff that help you figure out how to do things and sometimes they have classes on topics of interest. The library is still a good resource for information. Some large cities have coops where you share tools and skills. If do-it-yourself is truly not your thing, you can hire it out if you can afford it. I like the barter system myself. Everyone wins with a good barter.
\nThe key to successfully completing any task you are unfamiliar with is education, education, education. Let go of fear and self-doubt and step into your self-reliance with a new bravery. What kind of problems have you come up against? What kind of skills have you learned? ❤️
\n“I can do all things through him who strengthens me.”\nPhilippians 4:13 ESV
\n", "date_published": "2017-04-20T01:55:17-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/04/20/the-honeydo-list.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/04/16/saying-goodbye-to-sunshine.html", "title": "Saying Goodbye to Sunshine", "content_html": "![\"Sunrise\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/981e5e2760.jpg\")
\nMy friend Jamie is doing some really hard stuff this weekend. Her dear friend Angie is dying. Actively dying. Cancer is such a brutal disease. It robs everyone of time, health, dignity. There is nothing good about cancer. Yet, in this midst of dying, there can be moments of grace. Angie has a young daughter she won’t see graduate or marry or have babies. In some of her last lucid moments, she was able to dictate three letters to be given to her daughter on just those occasions. What a gift that will be for this young woman to have her mom reach out to her from beyond, just when she needs her most.
\nI think we all wish we had hidden letters from our moms. Letters that tell us how loved we are…how proud we made her…how she wishes she could be there but she’s watching from above. I can’t imagine losing my mom at seventeen. I know Angie’s friends will step up and be there for the important events. They’ll be sounding boards and support systems and surrogates. It’s going to be a rough go for everyone.
\nThe only time I ever sat at someone’s bedside while they were dying was in support of a friend. Her grandmother was unresponsive in the nursing home. Being Jewish, my ex-husband and I were called to the bedside to recite the sh’ma (also called the shema)…the prayer sung over and over for the dying. We stayed till nearly dawn when we needed to get back home for the baby. An hour or so later, our friend called. When we saw the caller ID, we expected to hear her grandmother had died. Instead, we were greeted with laughter when we answered. It seems our friend was calling relatives to report the current status when the phone slipped off the night stand and fell crashing to the floor. Grandma sat bolt upright in bed and yelled, “$&@?@ €#£|$@….what does a person have to do around here to get a decent night’s sleep???” The dying often rally before the end. Angie did…after a night of everyone sitting around her bed, singing songs and praying…she woke up Friday morning singing “I’m Too Sexy For My Shirt”…much to everyone’s delight. At this writing, she is unresponsive again and it is just a matter of time. She…the owner of the megawatt smile. She…the fellow Gemini who met me once and became my lifelong friend. She…who will leave a giant hole in the hearts of all who knew her. Angie…who would love that I told you a funny story rather than cry about her dying. We honor those who touch our hearts.
\nSee you on the other side, Sunshine. ❤️
\n“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.”\n2 Corinthians 1:3-4 ESV
\n", "date_published": "2017-04-16T01:55:55-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/04/16/saying-goodbye-to-sunshine.html", "tags": ["Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Strong Women","Hope","Wisdom"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/04/13/what-a-trip.html", "title": "What a Trip", "content_html": "![\"Cement](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/d783a7b03a.jpg\")
\nHigh anxiety. Even with four years under my belt. Even with good grief counseling and EMDR treatments. Even with plenty of prayers, introspection, and traveling 55,000 miles. One medical emergency sends me into a tizzy. I worked in medicine for years. I x-rayed accident victims long before they got cleaned up. I’ve had babies and surgeries and countless trips to the ER. Doesn’t make one iota of difference. I don’t handle emergencies well since Mr. Virgo died. I have a tendency to melt down and throw up and then I berate myself for being weak. Even though I know I shouldn’t. It’s not my fault my brain works differently now. It just does. Grief has altered the way my brain functions, physically as well as emotionally.
\nThis week I took my friend V on a tour of my hometown, searching for the perfect things to do during the Sisters on the Fly event that we’re planning in September. We were driving up this street and saw…a giraffe, in someone’s front yard. We looked at each other and V laughed. “Ok, we don’t have time for this but go around the block, will you? I need a picture of that!” Dutifully, I pulled back around for this fun photo op. V jumped out of the truck and crossed the street behind me and I took the opportunity to check my messages and e-mails.
\nSeveral minutes passed and I began to wonder what was taking her so long. Suddenly, I heard the “whoop, whoop” of an ambulance right behind me. I jumped out of the truck to see what was going on. There was V, laying in the street with a man bending over her, his car parked nearby with the door still open. OMGosh! The first thing that went through my mind was he had hit her and knocked her down. Fortunately the ambulance was at the stop light a block away and saw what had actually happened. It turns out V had stepped in a pothole, turned her ankle, and went down in a flash, hitting her head on the curb. When I got over to her, she was surrounded by people and was obviously both disoriented and anxious about all these unfamiliar faces so near.
\nI immediately went into panic mode. My fight or flight response wanted me to run to the next state, which is actually pretty doable considering we’re on the OH/WV border. Equally strong was my desire to help my friend. After an evaluation of her injuries, it was determined she should go to the ER and get checked out. I followed the ambulance and called a friend on the way to talk me down. I got V her purse, watched them wheel her back through the double doors and promptly threw up. I simultaneously felt better and horrible. How can I help those I love when I can’t handle emergencies?
\nAnxiety sucks. It’s invisible. The person you are freaking out on has no idea what is going on in your body. They just know you aren’t showing up for them. It’s irrational, but you are convinced you are going to die. You have this terrible fear of throwing up or making a scene and that makes it worse. Your palms sweat. Your heart pounds. Your skin crawls and gets alternately hot and cold. You feel breathless and faint and desperately nauseous. It’s horrible. It makes me feel weak, even though I know deep down I am a strong woman. The only thing I can do is use some Rescue Remedy spray under my tongue, concentrate on my breathing, and pray. It helps when I have an understanding friend that I can call and just listening to a calm voice soothes me. I’ve had EMDR treatments, and…believe it or not…this has infinitely improved. It’s an odd thing, though. It doesn’t happen every time. I can be in similar circumstances and one time I’m fine…another, I’m a mess. I think that’s one of the most frustrating parts.
\nI always tell you, plain and simple, what life is like for me after losing my husband. Grief is unpredictable, messy, and such an enigma it can really mess with your mind. Everyone who experiences grief has a different story. I tell mine in an effort to embolden you to tell yours. To talk about what you’re going through. A week, a month, a year or five years. Talk about it. Tell your stories. A burden shared is halved. ❤️
\n“Joshua said to them, “Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Be strong and courageous. This is what the Lord will do to all the enemies you are going to fight.””\nJoshua 10:25 NIV
\n\n", "date_published": "2017-04-13T01:55:26-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/04/13/what-a-trip.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Hope"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/04/07/anniversaries-and-stuff.html", "title": "Anniversaries and Stuff", "content_html": "
![\"Daffodils\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/35f44fb2cd.jpg\")
\nAs is typical in the spring, yesterday was vastly different than the day before. Wednesday was a brilliant, sunny, warm spring day. After mowing the lawn, I sat in the sunshine on the porch and it got downright hot out there…80 degrees! Yesterday? Not so much. As the south braced for another day of severe weather, we received the aftereffects of the storm front as it came through. It was wet, grey and cold. The thermometer on the front porch hovered at 40° all afternoon and I was chilled through and through.
\nI hit the taxes hard yesterday, determined I was going to struggle through them and finish so I wouldn’t have that hanging over my head all weekend. Thank goodness for TurboTax. It’s almost foolproof because there’s no way I can make heads or tails of the old way of doing them. Grief brain has changed the way my brain functions. That, and age. I just don’t have the patience. As it was, it took me a week and a half to get everything done. I swear every year I’ll be more organized but there I was again…searching through my newly updated and balanced check register, recording all my deductions.
\nI always sit in my rocking chair in front of the dining room window when I write my blog post. As I sat gazing out at the ever greening countryside, listening to the steady hiss of a gentle rain on the tin roof, I sipped my afternoon tea and contemplated how different my life is now. Ten years ago today, I married Mr. Virgo. Ten years. A decade has gone by in the blink of an eye. Well, no…not really. It seems absolutely forever ago since that day, yet I remember it so well. We had been having daily snow storms leading up to the wedding and it was planned for outdoors. I was thrilled when it turned into a lovely, warm spring day.
\nIt’s supposed to be very cold here today…weather that doesn’t match my psyche these days. I’m in a good space. I have much to look forward to. I have people to love and to love me back. I have purpose and peace. I could sit here and feel sorry for myself. I could let my mind wander down a rabbit hole. But that does me no good. Today I take my truck in to get it worked on. Today I have things to do. Today I have a beautiful life and my cup is full. I’ll still think of that handsome man from time to time on this momentous day. But I’ll do it with a smile. ❤️
\n“Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away.”\n1 Corinthians 13:4-8 ESV
\n", "date_published": "2017-04-07T01:55:24-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/04/07/anniversaries-and-stuff.html", "tags": ["Family","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Strong Women","Hope","West Virginia","The Farm"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/04/05/decisions-decisions.html", "title": "Decisions, Decisions", "content_html": "![\"Fork](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/50bbd173d1.jpg\")
\nI have friends who are really competent women. They’ve taken care of business all on their own for decades and seem to handle anything that gets thrown at them…with strength and grace. So why do I, as a widow of four years, stumble over something as inconsequential as buying a lawnmower? Holy cats! You’d think I was making a decision of epic proportions!
\nI went to Lowe’s…twice. I went to Home Depot and Walmart. I went to Rural King…twice. Finally I went back to Lowe’s and bought the first lawnmower. I mean, a lawnmower is a lawnmower, right? Wrong! Apparently, there’s a great deal of importance placed on things like self-propelled, front wheel drive vs. rear wheel, a larger rear wheel, Honda vs. Briggs & Stratton vs. OHV engines, mulch vs. side discharge vs. rear-bagger. There was a time in my life when I would have just bought the most expensive one with all the bells and whistles. Oh, who am I kidding? I would have just payed to have it done. But those aren’t my options now. Decision-making changes with circumstances. I chose the 21" Toro with the Honda engine. It was on sale.
\nSometimes I can make decisions like a boss. I took the new truck in because there was a “catch” in the tailgate and I have heard a funny vibration a few times. They tried to tell me it was the turbo I was hearing. No, I told them. I know the difference. This was not the turbo. I went on a test drive and said a quick prayer that the sound would show up while the repair dude was with me. It did. A couple parts have been ordered and it gets fixed on Friday. I didn’t back down when they pulled the “Silly woman, you’re hearing things” trick. But I can’t choose a lawnmower?
\nThere are lots of changes and choices and decisions I have made since Mr. Virgo died. Some I have deeply regretted almost immediately. Some took a while before remorse set in. Others have turned out to be the most amazing blessings and have changed my life in delightful ways. Grief affects the way your brain works and I’ve come to forgive myself when I stumble in the decision making process. I’m not perfect, but I try to do my best. Most things are fixable so if I make a mistake, I’m never too far off course. I just have to remember to cut myself some slack and not be too hard on myself. ❤️
\n“Where there is no guidance, a people falls, but in an abundance of counselors there is safety.”\nProverbs 11:14 ESV
\n", "date_published": "2017-04-05T01:55:55-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/04/05/decisions-decisions.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","The Farm"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/04/03/no-such-thing-as-a.html", "title": "No Such Thing as a Hollywood Ending", "content_html": "![\"Take](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/1323a15103.jpg\")
\nGrief isn’t pretty. It isn’t predictable. It doesn’t run on a timeline. You don’t get from point A to point B and you’re done. No. It’s messy and painful. It’s slippery and tenacious. It’s sometimes funny. It’s most of the time tragic. It’s often agonizing and seems to go on forever. Occasionally it’s tender and gives you great insights. But it will never have a Hollywood ending where you take a bow and it’s over. It’s never, ever over.
\nThe idea that there won’t be movie credits rolling one day needn’t be depressing, though. Just because the movie never ends doesn’t mean there aren’t good parts. If you are fairly new to grief, please know there is hope for a meaningful life again. Everyone is different and everyone experiences grief differently, but you can find joy. You can find peace. You can even find love. It take conscious effort. It takes hard work. It takes time. It takes faith. It CAN happen. And, unfortunately…sometimes it doesn’t happen. I don’t know why. There isn’t a rule book. God didn’t leave a step by step formula to relieve grief once and for all. He gave us the capacity for great love. Along with that, he gave us the capacity for great grief. He wants us to turn to Him…in love AND in grief. He is our Comforter.
\nI place my hope in the “it can happen” column. I place my trust in the “God is Good” column. The rest of me, I place in my dancing shoes and tippity-tap my way down the sidewalks of life. There are bright days ahead. Here. Heaven. Doesn’t matter. They’re out there and I’m going after them with gusto! ❤️
\n“But you, O Lord, are a shield about me, my glory, and the lifter of my head. I cried aloud to the Lord, and he answered me from his holy hill. Selah”\nPsalms 3:3-4 ESV
\n", "date_published": "2017-04-03T01:55:54-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/04/03/no-such-thing-as-a.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Hope"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/03/27/missing-pieces.html", "title": "Missing Pieces", "content_html": "![\"Rock](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/2d2828f8d0.jpg\")
\nI used to love to do jigsaw puzzles. I had a table set up where I could spread out and enjoy solving it, piece by tiny piece. And each piece gave me more of the big picture. Life after the loss of your loved one is like a 1,000 piece puzzle with a ton of pieces missing. And sometimes they’re the critical ones…the ones that helped you identify what it is you’re shooting for.
\nWhen I lost Mr. Virgo, I did well to find the pieces with the straight edges. I couldn’t tell which end was up…or the top from the bottom. I picked up piece after piece and put them down. They were meaningless. My life was meaningless. But finally, I found a random piece that matched another random piece. I’d get a few pieces together and get stuck. So, I’d have to set them down and try a different pattern or color for a while.
\nI’ve been diligently placing pieces in this puzzle for nearly three years now. Sometimes I’ve thrown a handful on the floor, only to go pick them up and pray I didn’t lose any pieces. Sometimes I’ve had to stand up and walk away for awhile. But I always come back. I like the colors. The picture that’s developing is beginning to look familiar. I’ve been here before. And…the closer I get to solving the puzzle, the more glaringly obvious the missing pieces become.
\nOne missing piece…besides losing Mr. Virgo himself…one HUGE missing piece is hugs. Gosh, I miss hugs. Oh, don’t get me wrong…I hug, a LOT! I hug everybody. But, there are hugs. Then there are ……HUGS. A hug has to last at least 20 seconds to release the feel-good hormones. I’m afraid most of my friends would feel awkward after two or three seconds. I’m a pretty darned self sufficient girl, but I can’t provide my own hugs!
\nHow about you? What parts of your puzzle, besides your loved one, are you missing most? ❤️
\n“You, Lord, hear the desire of the afflicted; you encourage them, and you listen to their cry,” Psalm 10:17 NIV
\n", "date_published": "2017-03-27T01:55:18-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/03/27/missing-pieces.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/03/24/compounded-grief.html", "title": "Compounded Grief", "content_html": "![\"Weeping](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/d256ece1dd.jpg\")
\nLittle texted me Wednesday night to let me know Pop passed away. She wanted me to know right away because she knew how important he was in my life. Little is deep. Big is deep too, but she’s more introspective. She holds a lot in. Not Little. She lets you know what’s what. We chatted back and forth for quite a while. I didn’t cry about losing Pop till Little told me he’s with Papa (Mr. Virgo) now and we’ll see them again when we die. Wow…she’s nine.
\nThere was part of Pop’s story I didn’t put in his tribute the other day…partly out of space constraints and story line, partly out of respect for his and other’s privacy. But, I think this part is important information so I’m going to share it with you today.
\nThe night Pop collapsed at the assisted living facility, he stopped breathing. He was 92. He had a living will and a DNR request. DNR…Do Not Resuscitate. Somehow that information was not conveyed to the ambulance crew and they intubated Pop on the way to the ER. Later, he told his son he had died and it was very peaceful. He said he was wearing a sweater so he was warm and comfortable. He was pretty ticked off that they brought him back though later he said he’d rather stick around for a while if that was alright.
\nWhen Little texted me with the news, I told her I was sorry. She said, “Well, he has his sweater now.” A comforting thought. The really sad, and frustrating, thing…for Bernie AND the family…was knowing he’d had his window. The gates were open and he could have slipped through peacefully. Instead, he went through the nightmare of ICU and then the long, difficult process of dying. It wasn’t fair…this sweet gentle man, and his kind, loving granddaughter and son had to witness that when it never should have happened in the first place.
\nDNR orders are pretty easy to put into place. There are packets you can get from your doctor or your local hospital that you can fill out with all of your requests. But mistakes can be made and those mistakes can cause harm. I’ve decided once I get to the age when I seriously don’t want to be resuscitated, I am having “DO NOT RESUSCITATE” tattooed on my chest. I’m not kidding…what an awful experience that was for those involved.
\nCompounded grief. Not only does it come when there is a rapid succession of deaths in your life, but the grief of one loss can be compounded by stupid mistakes. Or by regret…for not visiting, not calling, not saying the things in your heart. When you’ve suffered the intimate grief of losing someone significant, each successive grief adds a brick to the load. That being said, everyone’s grief is the worst grief ever because it is theirs. It is personal. I don’t want to compound my family’s grief when it’s my time to go. So, I’ll be proactive and make sure my wishes are clearly known ahead of time by the important people in my life.
\nRest In Peace, Pop….you were loved. ❤️
\n", "date_published": "2017-03-24T01:55:01-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/03/24/compounded-grief.html", "tags": ["Family","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/03/22/a-good-and-humble-man.html", "title": "A Good and Humble Man", "content_html": "![\"A](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/548825c7be.jpg\")
\nI was 25 when he came into my life. Rather…I came into his. This sweet, gentle man who loved me as his own. Bernie has always been my “dad”…much more so than my own father. He loved me unconditionally. He accepted me without reservation when I came to marry his son. Me, with a young child of my own who became his grandchild. He accepted her as his own, too. That made me love him all the more.
\nBernie has always given us monumentally wonderful stories. He had absolutely zero social skills which I came to understand was a charming mix of curiosity, self-effacement, and naïveté. He says things like “zoo-CHEE-nee” for that prolific green squash. He gave me rhubarb and choke cherries from his yard.
\nBernie and Florence would show up at our house every Sunday evening when we lived in Denver…rain or shine. And it didn’t matter if it was 6:00 or 8:30…they invariably arrived just as we sat down to dinner. They were inseparable. Just as Bernie retired, Florence was diagnosed with dementia and he was a good and faithful husband. He cared for her till it just wasn’t safe anymore. He lived alone for quite some time, even after Florence had passed. Then he fell while on a walk and fractured his leg requiring a pretty intensive surgery. After that, between his macular degeneration and his profound hearing loss, he was persuaded to move into the Jewish assisted living center where he made fast friends, but hated the food. No bacon.
\nI will always hear Bernie start out a conversation with “Answer me this…”. He would proceed to ask a question about something that had long puzzled him and he’d make you feel so smart and he’d listen as you patiently explained something. I can’t remember a single one of the questions, but I will always remember how I felt in his presence. A simple, humble, funny man who didn’t get all the breaks in life. He worked hard. He took care of people.
\nBernie fell a few weeks ago. Hit his head on the nightstand. It didn’t seem too bad, but he collapsed the next night with bleeding in his brain. He has slowly gone downhill this month and soon will be ending his journey here. He’ll go on to meet Florence. I will miss this kind soul. This dad. This grandpa. I am sad…but I rejoice that he lived a good life these 92 years. I am especially sad that I cannot go to him. You’re supposed to wait six to eight weeks after a subdural hematoma to fly. The risk of a re-bleed is small, but since I only have one brain, I can’t take that risk.
\nWhen I said goodbye to Bernie in December, I think we had a gut feeling we might not see each other again. Bernie took my face in his hands, looked me in the eyes, and…with a quiver in his voice, said…“You come back to me!” I always made it a point to visit with him often when I was in Denver. Now I’ll look for him in the wind and in the birdsong. I’ll look for him in the sunsets. And I will do something special to honor this good and humble man.
\nI love you, Pop! ❤️
\n“A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling. God sets the lonely in families…”\nPsalm 68:5-6 NIV
\n", "date_published": "2017-03-22T01:55:40-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/03/22/a-good-and-humble-man.html", "tags": ["Grief","Prayer"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/03/21/dear-future-me.html", "title": "Dear Future Me...", "content_html": "![\"Letters](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/274fe53398.jpg\")
\nHey…it’s your “Past Me” here. Just popping in to say hello and remind you of a few things. I know, you didn’t expect to hear from me. Funny how that works, huh? Honey, go get yourself a cup of coffee, sit down, and put your feet up…we need to talk.
\nYour “Past Me” wrote this when you were 63…going on 64. (Do we still do that? Count the years? I think we always will ‘cause we’ve always loved our age. Well, except for 26. And 46. Remember those? Oy! But, I digress. Sorry.) Sixty-three was a good age. You were pretty healthy except for that car accident. That kinda scared you a little, didn’t it? Well, it needed to! It made you back off that lead-foot a little bit. Made you a little more cautious. That’s ok. Your “new-to-you” truck has got a whole bunch more miles on it now, I’m sure. Thank you for taking such good care of it. And of yourself!
\nSixty-three marked four years as a widow. Back then, it seemed like forever since you’d seen him. It seems even longer now that you’re older. But, in some ways, it was just yesterday. You know how it is. I’m sure you’ve figured out by now how to keep from falling into that hole in your heart. You’ve done a great job with that.
\nNow that you’ve had a few more years to “ripen”, I want to remind you of some things you thought about in 2017.
\nYou worried about money. You wondered if you had planned right. I hope you’re finding that you did. And if you aren’t sure, I hope you are tightening your belt. There’s so many things you can do without. Like those Starbuck’s lattes. Brew your own coffee, for Pete’s sake!
\nYou wondered if you were going to fall in love again. If it was even possible to love someone like you loved Mr. Virgo. You were a little scared to even consider it because, you know…what if he d-i-e-s and you have to go through that again? I’m here to tell you, if you got the chance to fall in love again and share that kind of joy again and have wild passionate sex and be free and happy again…even if it was just for one damn day…I sure hope you jumped at the chance with both feet! You KNOW life is too short. Mr. Virgo taught you that lesson. So, if it happens…don’t be afraid! Go for it with everything you’ve got!
\nYou were so grateful to live on Grandma’s farm. I hope you got to enjoy that for as long as you wanted…or as long as you could. I hope you listened to every creaking floorboard and every birdsong that echoed up the holler. I hope you memorized the sound of the creek as it rushed by the window. I hope you laid in the grass in the backyard and stared up at the Milky Way every time you had the opportunity. It was a special place…a special time.
\nYou were so proud of the kids and grandkids and the rest of the family. I hope you went to see them often and made it a point to call frequently, just to say hi and tell them how important they are to you. I hope you took the time and wrote some letters. Don’t forget how important Mom’s and Grandma’s letters were. Leave some for them.
\nYou were so in love with God. I pray you have kept that connection and deepened your love…and need…for Him. I hope you have been going to church regularly. I know you’re going to need that because I know you have lost people who were important to you…people who are still here as I write this. You may question a lot of things, but I hope you have never questioned God’s love for you.
\nYou sometimes suffered “writer’s block”. I hope you are still writing. I hope you’ve finished that book (and maybe half a dozen more) and they’ve made the big one into a movie and you’ve become as successful as you always dreamed. I hope you’ve helped people with every step of your journey. That was always the point of your success…not fame. I just know you still take delight in sharing God’s love with others. Keep it up, dear one!
\nWell, that’s about it. I’ll check in with you again in a couple of years…just to remind you of where you were and to cheer you on. Keep camping. Keep up with your girlfriends. And, don’t worry about anything…God’s got this. He always has!
\nLove,
\nYour “Past Me” ❤️
\n“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”\nJeremiah 29:11 NIV
\n", "date_published": "2017-03-21T01:55:14-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/03/21/dear-future-me.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/03/19/the-legacy.html", "title": "The Legacy", "content_html": "![\"Meme\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/8bc10aead4.jpg\")
\nIt’s funny. When you are in a car accident, they tell you, “Go home and rest.” If any of you have been in a significant wreck, you know how difficult it is to actually do. There’s a million errands, doctor’s visits, insurance appointments, rental car, and then the shopping for a replacement vehicle. The last thing that gets done is rest and that’s when everything else is taken care of.
\nI’ve finally had the chance to turn down the dial and relax at the end of this last week. Laundry, read a magazine, listen to the Norah Jones channel on Pandora, nap, and catch up with friends and family on the phone. I even watched a movie…Silver Linings Playbook. I made a wonderful quiche and shared half with my neighbors.
\nAs I sat last night in the living room of this sweet little farmhouse, listening to the rain on the tin roof, I could hear the low, Zen tones of the new wind chime I put on the front porch. It reminds me of the background music you hear in a spa when you get a massage. My heart was suddenly full and I felt such peace it made tears sting the back of my eyes.
\nI’ve been thinking a lot lately about my legacy. The one I’ve been given…the one I will leave. Having the opportunity to live within the home of my heart on the family farm has brought me a deep sense of peace. It has healed a place in my heart. I remember the day I walked back into this house with my grandma when she had to leave Pop-Pop at the hospital for the very last time. I remember her great love and her profound heartbreak. And I witnessed her strength. Her faith. And how she made peace with her loss. Something turned over in my own heart last night. It felt like opening my hand and letting a small bird fly away. A healing occurred in just that moment. That’s the nature of grief. Waves of grief are often met with periods of profound healing and insight. It was a beautiful thing.
\nThe legacy I was given was love and compassion. Living here during this time of healing is a gift from others who received that same love and compassion. My legacy is in my words…in my actions…in my heart that I readily share with others. I hope my grandchildren and their grandchildren and theirs after that will someday read what I have written and get to know my heart…get to know who I was long, long after I’m gone.
\nMovies do this to me. Music does this. Rain on a tin roof does it. My heart melts and fills with love. And my life is full and rich and warm. I just wanted to share a little of it with you today and wish you love. ❤️
\n“We will not hide them from their descendants; we will tell the next generation the praiseworthy deeds of the Lord, his power, and the wonders he has done.”\nPsalm 78:4 NIV
\n", "date_published": "2017-03-19T01:55:46-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/03/19/the-legacy.html", "tags": ["Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Positive Energy","West Virginia","The Farm"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/03/17/death-by-design-podcast.html", "title": "Death by Design - Podcast", "content_html": "![\"Kimberly](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/f2152b172d.jpg\")
\nA few months ago, I was approached by Kimberly Paul for an interview on her new podcast show…Death by Design. Have you ever come across someone that you just KNOW? Our interview was via Skype and as soon as I saw her live on the screen I’m like…“I know you!” In the time since the interview, we’ve become fast friends and she is planning to come see me when I travel to the Outer Banks next month.
\nKimberly has her own personal experience with grief when she lost the love of her life. She also has worked nearly two decades in hospice and has a very clear picture of what dying well in America really looks like. We strive to live well. Shouldn’t we strive to die well, too? Kimberly asks the tough questions about death and dying but she asks them with grace and tenderness. I am so honored she chose to feature me in this week’s episode of Death by Design. And, I’m happy to have another strong woman for a friend.
\ncontent.blubrry.com/deathbyde…
\nHave a listen and share the love. ❤️
\n“Blessed are those who find wisdom, those who gain understanding, for she is more profitable than silver and yields better returns than gold. She is more precious than rubies; nothing you desire can compare with her. Long life is in her right hand; in her left hand are riches and honor. Her ways are pleasant ways, and all her paths are peace. She is a tree of life to those who take hold of her; those who hold her fast will be blessed.”\nProverbs 3:13-18 NIV
\n", "date_published": "2017-03-17T01:55:39-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/03/17/death-by-design-podcast.html", "tags": ["Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/03/16/reach-out.html", "title": "Reach Out", "content_html": "![\"Hands](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/f2091b9d16.jpg\")
\nI’ve had a smart phone since…well, since phones became smart. I love my phone…and my iPad, and my iWatch, and my Echo, and my laptop, and…you get the picture. I’m a techno-geek. My phone is quite literally my brain. I need to write down people’s phone numbers one of these days because I don’t even know my own children’s numbers off the top of my head. I haven’t had to memorize a phone number or address in too many years to count. It all started with the Palm Pilot and then a Blackberry. Android put some color in my life but Apple is where I live nowadays.
\nI was struck yesterday by how much my iPhone has helped me since losing Mr. Virgo. From helping me cope with the brain fog of grief to holding precious photos at my fingertips, this thing has been invaluable. I make lists of important things that need my attention. I keep track of passwords, finances, the daily news, and weather. I can leave notes on Mr. Virgo’s Facebook page on important dates and see when people stop in to leave a kind word about him. The contact list and Google are irreplaceable. But the calendar? The calendar is my brain.
\nLast month, I learned that one of my friends lost her daughter to cancer. I immediately set an alarm on my calendar to remind me to touch base with her on the one month Angelversary which was yesterday. I made a meme in one of my apps a while back that simply says, “I prayed for you today.” When the reminder showed up on my phone, I said a prayer for comfort and strength for my friend and sent her the meme. A few minutes later she replied that it had meant so much to her that I remembered. I can’t remember anything like I used to, let alone dates, so I quickly admitted I was prompted by my phone. But, it meant a lot to her and showed me yet another way I can be supportive of those on this grief journey alongside me. From now on, I will put a note in my calendar to remind me to pray for my friends and family who have lost someone. It only takes a moment to save a date, say a prayer and send a text and it can make a huge difference in someone’s day…especially after some time has passed and folks have gotten back to their lives.
\nOne of my daughter’s high school friends was still sending me messages after a year had passed. Just to let me know she was thinking of me and how much she loved me. These are the gifts we can give each other. I can guarantee you, 100% of us will experience the death of a loved one who is close to us. If it hasn’t happened yet, it will. Be that person who reaches out. You may never know what a difference you have made in someone’s life. You will never regret that. ❤️
\n“Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.”\n1 Thessalonians 5:11 NIV
\n", "date_published": "2017-03-16T01:55:47-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/03/16/reach-out.html", "tags": ["Grief","Prayer","Hope"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/03/15/peace-quiet.html", "title": "Peace \u0026 Quiet", "content_html": "![\"Woman](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/27409a8758.jpg\")
\nI live a pretty peaceful and quiet life out here on the farm. The biggest excitement comes in the evening when I chase the possums and raccoons out of the cat’s dish. It’s gotten cold again just to remind us it’s still winter, no matter how mild it has been. Thankfully, we didn’t get the snow that was forecasted. Just really cold weather and some flurries.
\nNow that I have that shiny, white truck out in my driveway, my thoughts are turning to camping. Peace and quiet when you’re camping is so much better than the peace and quiet of home…no matter how wonderful home is. I’m already planning my trips over the next year. I want to spend a good deal of time in Florida next winter and you have to make your reservations eleven months in advance. You can only stay two weeks at a time in state parks so that has you booking reservations every two weeks in March and April. You have to stay organized and know where you’re going and when.
\nIn the meantime, you research the areas and choose where you want to go and make plans. I’m hoping to travel a lot this year. The Outer Banks, Colorado, Tennessee, Florida, and all points in between. Whether it’s with Sisters on the Fly, Girl Campers, friends or family…I’m looking forward to another year of adventure! ❤️
\n“May he give you the desire of your heart and make all your plans succeed.”\nPsalm 20:4 NIV
\n", "date_published": "2017-03-15T01:55:51-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/03/15/peace-quiet.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Camping","Fun"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/03/13/how-the-girls-help-with.html", "title": "How the Girls Help With My Grief", "content_html": "![\"West](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/cbeae24979.jpg\")
\nI belong to a couple of camping groups that I’m active with. Sisters on the Fly came first. Lying in my bed four years ago, I clutched my iPad to my chest and searched through my photo albums for every picture of Mr. Virgo. I was bereft. My heart was shattered and I wasn’t sure I could survive such a loss. Instinct…sixth sense…Holy Spirit…I was led to seek out other women to walk with me on my path.
\nI found a letter to the Reverend Billy Graham the other night. In it, a widow of just a few months explains how her husband died unexpectedly in his sleep and she didn’t get a proper goodbye. She asked Rev. Graham to help her. I was heartened when I read his response. He told the new widow to put her faith in God and find other widows she could help. In the helping, she would find help herself. That is exactly what Marshmallow Ranch has done for me. And Sisters on the Fly was the springboard that got me started.
\nA couple of years ago, I went to the Country Living Fair in Nashville with the Sisters. It was there I met Janine Pettit. Janine was a breath of fresh air and sunshine in her signature red plaid. She was working the show with goRVing.com and spoke with knowledge and eloquence about all things camper related. Janine is a huge promoter of women getting out there and “Going Places…Doing Things”. I was drawn to her immediately. I’ve been a guest several times on her Girl Camper podcast. She’s developed quite a following as she encourages women to take the plunge and join any of the girl-camping groups.
\nThis past weekend, I joined Janine and eighteen or so Girl Campers for a crafting weekend in a cabin at Blackwater Falls State Park. I took my friend Deneene with me because soon she will be observing the second Angelversary of her husband’s passing. We met Cindy there. Cindy’s husband died one year ago today. Damn. Women supporting women through the good times and the bad times while reaching beyond our boundaries…that’s why I joined these groups. The comfort and support I give is returned to me 100-fold. I love my camping sisters. As I observed the passing of the fourth Angelversary, I was reminded how incredibly blessed I am. To have God and to have love.
\nAnd now….the fifth year begins. ❤️
\n“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.”\nProverbs 3:5-6 ESV
\n", "date_published": "2017-03-13T01:55:06-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/03/13/how-the-girls-help-with.html", "tags": ["Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Hope","Sisters on the Fly","Camping","West Virginia","goRVing","Girl Camper"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/03/12/four-years-gone.html", "title": "Four Years Gone", "content_html": "![\"Walking](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/9d41fc93b6.jpg\")
\nFour years. What can happen in four years? A whole presidency. College. A baby becomes a pre-schooler in four years. Four years can make a huge difference in the life of a recovering addict. It can be an eternity for a hostage. It may be restitution for a convict. It represents hope for a cancer survivor.
\nFour years. It is forever for a widow. Or maybe it’s an hour. Same thing. Four years of roller coaster emotions wears on a person. Four years of bracing for the next wave, no matter how subconsciously you’re doing it. It’s always there. The potential of grief. Because, we’ve seen it. We’ve felt it. We are soldiers in a war that was not our choosing. However…we know our ground. Understanding the terrain of grief gives us better footing. We know what’s coming when we feel the next wave rise against us.
\nYet…four years has made me compassionate. Four years has gifted me time and distance from the raw, sharp edges of grief that threatened to cut my heart from my chest. The gaping wound is closed. Tiny angels have been working over the scar in my heart these past four years. Their Leader points out the leaky spots and the weak places and they hop to work with their silver threads and golden needles, stitching my soul back together with faith and love, time and patience, courage and strength. There is a scar. Unless you know me well, you might not notice. I see it when I record a video for my grandchildren. Or, when I look into the mirror and let down the shield that covers my eyes. That’s when I “check in” to see how I’m REALLY doing. And I’m doing fine.
\nFour years gone. Four years. A lifetime…a moment. Pragmatism keeps me focused on the future. There is a light on my horizon…a light of this world. Someday, I’ll walk into that light of yours, but for now…I think I’ll check out what’s in this one. This life I’ve been given. When you left, the emptiness was immeasurable. That hole is filling in…with joy, promise, love, healing, light. But, mostly, its filling with hope. Thank you for the reminders that you were here, that you loved and cherished me. I will always carry you safely tucked in my heart, Mr. Virgo. There’s room enough. ❤️
\n“Cast your burden on the Lord, and he will sustain you; he will never permit the righteous to be moved.”\nPsalms 55:22 ESV
\n", "date_published": "2017-03-12T01:55:03-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/03/12/four-years-gone.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/03/09/patience.html", "title": "Patience", "content_html": "![\"iWatch...breathe\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/75f84d2918.jpg\")
\nI used to pray for patience till I read somewhere that God responds with scenario after scenario in which He challenges you to be patient. I don’t really believe that is true but I don’t want to risk it so I don’t pray for patience anymore. Anyone who knows me, even remotely, knows I am not always a very patient person. I can be, but when too many things come at me at once, I lose my grip and get way too cranked up. Yesterday was just such a day.
\nRemember the cute little feral kitty that showed up at Thanksgiving unannounced? Well, she’s grown into a perfectly beautiful cat and happily announced the last couple of weeks that she is lookin’ for love in all the wrong places. Poor Boy Cat is doing his best to accommodate her, but he’s been fixed and the whole thing is a somewhat comical exercise in futility. I’ve known for a while I was going to have to trap said kitty and get her fixed, but she will NOT let you anywhere near her. She’s never been touched. I got home late Tuesday night and she was really hungry. I saw this as my window of opportunity, let her eat a tiny bit, then moved her dish into the live trap. She only hesitated for a moment before she went in for supper and the trap did its job. My heart was pounding out of my chest because she was SO freaked out. I almost caved and let her out. I knew that would be my only opportunity to trick her so I tucked her safely under the camper to keep her dry from the rain and covered the cage to keep her as calm as I could. I told her good night and turned out the lights.
\nI got up early yesterday to take the kitty to the vet. I needed to bring my truck title to the insurance agent later and I knew “exactly where it was”…except, it wasn’t there. I tore through everything. I came across a folder from three years ago when I got my license plates here in WV but I dismissed that because I “knew” they couldn’t be in there. I expressed my frustration to one of my friends when I was reminded by said friend that I had to have gotten new titles when I moved to WV. Brilliant…they’re in that folder! I looked back through everything and do you think I could find that folder again??? Noooooo! Breathe. Breathe.
\nAt this point I have a very hungry, ticked off cat in a cage under my camper and the clock is ticking so I gave up, loaded up the cat (who is now peeing all over the place) into the RENTAL car for the hour long trip into town. After dropping Grumpy Cat off at the vet, I headed to the DMV to find out what I could do about the title. Oh, did I mention I spent three hours there on Tuesday getting the tags for my camper renewed? Sigh. Praise upon praise, it turns out that for a mere three hours more of my time, I could get a duplicate title there and not have to make a drive to Charleston or wait several days for copies to arrive in the mail.
\nAs I was sitting at the DMV, I got a call from the vet. Turns out MISS Kitty is a MISTER! In my defense, I never got close enough to see. My perception of reality has shifted yet again.
\nI’ll keep practicing patience…but, I don’t know if I’ll ever get it right. ?
\n❤️
\n“Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.”\nRomans 12:12 ESV
\n", "date_published": "2017-03-09T02:55:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/03/09/patience.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/03/07/my-guardian-angel.html", "title": "My Guardian Angel", "content_html": "![\"Guardian](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/ab544f02e4.jpg\")
\nHave you ever done a search on Google to research something in the Bible? I never even read the Bible till 2004 after my mom died. Between that and “A Purpose Driven Life” I came to really love this Jesus guy and what he had to say about peaceful living so I became a Christian. I’m not a biblical scholar by any means, so I have to study the Bible a lot to come up with the perfect scripture to accompany my posts that illustrates what my thinking was when writing. It would be so much easier to just pick a verse and write something about that. I do it backwards but I learn more, I believe.
\nI’ve been thinking a lot about something that happened in the aftermath of the car accident I was in recently. I’ve been thinking about guardian angels and what the Bible has to say about them. Google gave me a boatload of verses and I dove in to see if what I suspected could be true. I wrote a lengthy post about this shortly after the accident, but in reading it afterward, I felt there was too much detail about the accident itself so to protect the identity of others, I removed it. I want to revisit that a little bit…especially after a conversation I had with Daughter #1 this weekend.
\nWhile I was sitting in my truck after the accident, an EMT reaching up from the back seat holding my head still, I could see in the side view mirror. The State Highway Patrolman arrived to investigate and as he came around the back end of my truck, called out, “Boys? Who’s smokin’ a cigar back here?” I looked up at the rescue people and they were all looking at each other, puzzled. No one was smoking a cigar. I said to the young EMT, “Did you hear that? Did he say he smelled cigar smoke?” He answered that, indeed, he had. I smiled and said, “My late husband is here.” I knew I was going to be ok.
\nNow, here’s the other half of the story. I finally had a chance to have a lengthy conversation with my daughter a few days after the accident. She told me there was something she hadn’t told me yet. She wanted to know if I knew what time the accident occurred. I told her and she said not too long before that, my son-in-law was driving my granddaughters to school when an Uber driver ran a stop sign without even glancing in his direction. He was driving a small SUV with my 13-year-old granddaughter in the front seat (she’s plenty tall enough) and the 9-year-old in the back. He stood on the brakes, just as I had done, but miraculously he stopped inches from t-boning the driver which would have most assuredly set off their airbags and could have caused serious injury to my loved ones.
\nSo, here’s my theory. Mr. Virgo was out on the back nine in heaven, playing a round of golf, when he sensed trouble brewing down below. What if…what if, somehow he was able to tell God, “Look, this is one tough woman with a mighty big truck. She can take it. Can you intervene in here and save her babies from getting hurt? That would just kill her. Can we do that?” We don’t know the ways of God. Maybe it was just a coincidence. But maybe…just maybe…my guardian angel was watching out for me and left the scent of cigar smoke to tell me he was there. I’ll never know for sure this side of heaven, but I like to think it’s a possibility. ❤️
\n“For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways. On their hands they will bear you up, lest you strike your foot against a stone.”\nPsalms 91:11-12 ESV
\nStatue artist: LA Williams\nPhoto credit: Fairy Glen
\n", "date_published": "2017-03-07T02:55:55-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/03/07/my-guardian-angel.html", "tags": ["Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","God"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/03/06/what-if.html", "title": "What If", "content_html": "![\"Weeping](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/b544ed59a4.jpg\")
\nWhat if it would have been me that died instead of him? I think of these things in the wee hours of the occasional sleepless night. Not so much these days, but in the early years? Yes. Oh my…yes. I tortured myself with every possible scenario this could have taken. Anything to keep me from hitting head on with…“Your husband is dead.” No…that simply will not do. Anything but that. I’d sacrifice my Aunt Sue’s cat if she had one. I’d do just about anything to keep from having to hear those fateful words.
\nBut…what if? What if it would have been him that had to make all the ugly decisions like what kind of box to put me in and where to lay me to rest? What to dress me in? How long is an appropriate time to grieve before the casserole ladies start showing up at his door?
\nI remember distinctly the day we had the “death discussion”. Mr. Virgo’s cousin had gone through a liver transplant and a subsequent cardiac bypass surgery. He could have died any number of times in any number of ways. We prayed hard for him. His illness forced our hand and we had to have that difficult conversation no one wants to have.
\nI started out by saying “Of course, we’ll be cremated, and…”
\n“Whoa, now…wait a minute. I don’t want to be cremated!” he said with surprise.
\nI was stunned. “Really? Why not?”
\n“Because,” he said wisely. “You will need someplace to come visit me.”
\nI thought he was crazy. But he was right. I did appreciate having that place to go. And, I know he would want the same from me. But, I want to be cremated and divide my ashes between Colorado (where I have a plot beside Mr. Virgo) and WV. If I have a “last love”, I want to have some ashes beside him wherever he is. That doesn’t cover the entire conversation with Mr. Virgo.
\nI proudly announced, “I will never marry again! No one could ever compare to you.” I was expecting a similar, pithy response from my man. Imagine my surprise when he said, “I don’t like to be alone. I’ll find another relationship.”
\nHummmmph!
\nI don’t recall my response exactly, but I’m fairly certain it wasn’t one of my finer moments. Now, with a widow’s heart, I think of that sweet man who loved me and who really hated being alone. How could I wish that off on him? I don’t know if I could have been so altruistic as to write his dating profile and make room for the next wife like that lovely story in the New York Times this week. But I would definitely want him to be happy.
\nIt wasn’t me that died. It was him. So this is an exercise in futility. I still sometimes wonder though. What if it would have been me? ❤️
\n“For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.”\nRomans 8:38-39 ESV
\n", "date_published": "2017-03-06T02:55:54-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/03/06/what-if.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/03/05/time-warp.html", "title": "Time Warp", "content_html": "![\"Melting](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/e2af1ad5cf.jpg\")
\nI was sitting in my favorite rocker by the front window last night, thinking about what to write about for this morning’s post. A friend’s name popped in my head and I looked back in my “messages” only to discover it has been five weeks since we last chatted. I wrote her a lengthy note to see how she was doing and filled her in on what’s been happening here. Between traveling for two weeks, my friend’s funeral in Cincinnati, and my wreck…time has warped on me. It’s like the clock face in this picture…a Dali-esque trip down Alice’s rabbit hole. Still…things must get done around here.
\nI drove over to the closest Ace Home Center yesterday. I’m driving like a 90-year-old, by the way. Every car I pass, my mind does a quick mental calculation of approximate g-force my chest would receive if, God forbid, there should be another airbag incident. I’m hoping that improves with time. Time in a real sense, not this twisty perception that 1/29 was a couple of days ago. I went to Ace for a new ventless gas wall heater for the bathroom. The one in there is at least 50 years old…maybe more. It keeps letting off a loud pop every now and then and it is causing concern in the night. I don’t need any more concern in the night than I already have so the quickest way around that is a new stove. Fortunately, I have guy friends who know about these pesky little things like plumbing gas lines and can fix it for me. I can do many, many fixit projects but I do not mess with gas…period.
\nMy big project next week is to go through the things I took out of my truck after the accident. For simplicity’s sake, I threw the stuff in black plastic garbage bags and stuck them in the cellar house. They can’t stay in there long or they’ll be ruined with mildew so out they’ll come…one bag at a time to be sorted and either cleaned and put away or tossed. At least the weather is supposed to be warmer so it won’t seem like such a chore.
\nI’d much rather be hooking up TOW-Wanda and going for an adventure but that has to wait for wheels to tow her with. That’s still up in the air. Oh…patience has never been one of my virtues! ❤️
\n“Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope,”\nRomans 5:3-4 ESV
\nPhoto credit: Mommy Upgrade
\n", "date_published": "2017-03-05T02:55:29-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/03/05/time-warp.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Hope"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/03/04/here-comes-the-sun.html", "title": "Here Comes the Sun", "content_html": "![\"Bird](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/08101607c9.jpg\")
\nSpring is showing up here on the farm. The dense underbrush is leafing out in a bright spring green…even though you have to look hard for it. The grass is looking more like a lawn and less like a mud bog. New bird calls are apparent every week. There was a skiff of snow on this morning, and we’ll still have quite a bit of cold weather, but the unmistakable signs of spring are doing their job and brightening my mood.
\nSleeping in my own bed is just what the doctor ordered. You know how it is when you’re away from home…your bed feels like heaven when you get back. When I first came to the farm, the mattress was so awful. I didn’t know how long I was going to be living here so I bought a memory foam topper instead of a whole mattress/box spring set. Now that I know I’m here a while, I took the plunge a few weeks ago and bought a set on sale. At first I thought it was too hard so I put the topper on it. That was overkill and it hurts my back since the accident. So, off it came and now it’s just right.
\nThe soft sound of the clock ticking in the other room, the gentle trickle of the creek outside the bedroom window, the owl hooting in a tree nearby all tell me I am home. These familiar surroundings reach back from my childhood and receive me in their loving embrace. I am comforted by my past…covering my present, slightly banged up, body and spirit like an old quilt softened by many loving hands.
\nIn a little over a week, I’ll face the 4th Angelversary of Mr. Virgo’s death. The car accident last week certainly wasn’t on my agenda and couldn’t have come at a worse time. A friend sat with me in the ER that night and we wondered about the “why” of it all. God didn’t make this happen. But, He’ll use it to His glory. It has slowed me down. It has made me stop, yet again, and count my many blessings. It has made me more prayerful. And now, the sun is shining. Oh, be joyful and bring me some Spring! ❤️
\n“Let us acknowledge the Lord; let us press on to acknowledge him. As surely as the sun rises, he will appear; he will come to us like the winter rains, like the spring rains that water the earth.””\nHosea 6:3 NIV
\n", "date_published": "2017-03-04T02:55:46-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/03/04/here-comes-the-sun.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Positive Energy"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/03/03/here-they-come-again.html", "title": "Here They Come Again", "content_html": "![\"Waves\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/925098cb15.jpg\")
\nWaves. Grief comes in waves. I’ve been on top of the world the last few months. Feeling good. Feeling strong. Feeling happy. Then…BANG! That car pulled out in front of me. There was no room to stop. The crunch of metal, glass breaking, squealing tires, and the explosion of the airbag keeps haunting me. I see it over and over. I can’t make the results change, no matter how hard I try.
\nI have pain. I hate pain meds. If I take them more than three or four days, they make me depressed. I hate depression more than pain and definitely more than pain meds. So, I try other avenues…ice, acetaminophen, gentle stretching, meditation, and chiropractic medicine. Since I took the pain meds for a few days, the waves of grief and sadness washed over me yesterday. I know in a couple of days, I’ll feel much better. Until then, I ride it out. I’m tough as nails anymore. And…I’m as fragile as fine crystal. Grief leaves layers of vulnerability you never knew you could feel. Strong, weak, strong, weak…we peel through each one till we get to a thicker strong place. That’s when we get some relief for a while. But, all it takes is a little trauma, a little squeal of rubber, a little airbag to send you reeling for a bit.
\nI have a wonderful support system in place. My friends and family are right there when I need them. I’ll feel much better soon. Knowing that keeps me going. ❤️
\n“In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God.”\nRomans 8:26-27 NIV
\n\n", "date_published": "2017-03-03T02:55:19-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/03/03/here-they-come-again.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Hope"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/02/27/the-aftermath.html", "title": "The Aftermath", "content_html": "
![\"Smashed](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/19d03071b4.jpg\")
\nWhen Mr. Virgo and I lived in southern Colorado on that 4200 acre ranch, we went out with the four-wheelers for a ride out in the back part of the property. We got into something too steep and turned around to head back down. Mr. Virgo was ahead of me quite a ways till he was actually out of my sight. I was coming slowly down the hill wondering where on Earth he was when I rounded a bend and found him standing alongside the road, bent over, hands on his knees, glasses gone, shirt ripped and dirty, gasping for breath. The four-wheeler was no where to be seen. I pulled up and stopped, and my brain had trouble processing that he had been in an accident. Thank God I didn’t see him when he drove off the cliff or when he landed on the log six feet below, or when the four-wheeler came down right on top of him! There are some thing God shields you from. When I finally understood what had happened, I got him on the back of my ATV and drove him down to the nearest cabin, left him with a water bottle and a gun, and high-tailed it down off the mountain to get my SUV. I raced back up to get him, praying in both directions that he would be ok.
\nComing off the mountain was painstakingly slow as every bump sent him reeling in excruciating pain. He was quite grey and I knew he was shocky but he couldn’t lay down because half his ribs were broken and he had a hemo-pneumothorax. Finally, I got him to the little ER in town and they were going to let him go home with pain meds. I insisted they do a scan and they found the extent of his injuries and sent him via ambulance to a tertiary trauma center. I called everyone I knew to pray for him. He ended up in the hospital for a week and it took months for him to heal.
\nWhile this accident I was in last week has shaken me up, it’s nothing as bad as what Mr. Virgo went through. He was so strong and stoic. I’m doing ok. My only real pain at this point is still my chest from the seatbelt and airbag. I do have the classic symptoms of a concussion. I have a very low grade headache and have a tendency to tell the same story repeatedly or forget where I’m going in the middle of a sentence, but that’s not all that new, truth be told! I’m going to stay in town with friends one more day and then I’ll head home tomorrow. I’ll actually get more rest because the errands will be done. Continued prayers are appreciated as I navigate insurance, repairs/replacement of the truck, added appointments, rental car, and continued healing. I appreciate all of your concerns and well wishes. They mean so much to me! ❤️
\n“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”\nIsaiah 41:10 NIV
\n\n", "date_published": "2017-02-27T02:55:37-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/02/27/the-aftermath.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Strong Women"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/02/26/carrying-my-mat.html", "title": "Carrying my Mat", "content_html": "
![\"Green](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/9376b75a5e.jpg\")
\nForgive me, my friends…today we’re going to church. If that’s not your thing, that’s cool…just come on back tomorrow. Today we’re preachin'.
\nMy church is growing so fast, we’ve had to add a third worship experience and I decided to attend Saturday night’s service this week. Pastors Justin and Heather Enoch are young, vibrant pastors who bring the gospel to life for me. The praise team is absolutely amazing and uplifting. I love contemporary Christian music. I always leave there absolutely on fire.
\nLast night’s message was based on John 5:1-17. Jesus has gone to Jerusalem for one of the Jewish festivals and stops at the pool known as Bethesda, by the Sheep Gate. God sent angels to this pool regularly to “trouble the water” , make it bubble up, giving it the power to heal. There were five platforms surrounding the pool and the crippled, maimed, and infirm would gather there. When the waters were “troubled”, they would quickly get into the water for their healing.
\nThere was one particular man who’s infirmity had him lying on his mat for 38 years on one of the platforms. When Jesus saw him lying there and learned how long he had been by the pool, he asked, “Don’t you want to be well?” The man replied that indeed he did but, every time the water was troubled, someone jumped in over him and he couldn’t get his healing. He had no one to take him to the pool. Jesus told the man to stand up, roll up his mat, and walk. And the man did. The scripture goes on to talk about the controversy of carrying your mat (i.e. “working” on the sabbath.) But, I want to focus on the mat for a minute.
\nJesus didn’t ask the man to merely stand up and walk. He asked him to pick up his mat and take it with him. The mat represented everything that man had been through for 38 years. He slept and ate on that mat. He may have even soiled it when he had no way of carrying himself to a facility. It represented every illness, every thought, every bad thing. If he was healed and he went out walking without the mat, people might have thought he looked somewhat familiar but may not know where they’d seen him before. With the mat, it gave others the opportunity to recognize him and place him at the pool as that man they had seen for all those years. It gave the man the opportunity to share the story of his miraculous healing and of the Man who healed him.
\nMy stories are my mat. I tell you where I’ve been. I share openly parts of myself that most guard tightly. I speak frankly about drugs and alcohol, depression and anxiety, PTSD, divorce, death and grief. These are parts of my life I share merely so you can know Who carried me through all of them. Without God in my life…as the focus and singular most important part of my life, I surely would not be sitting here writing this to you good people.
\nTwo years ago, God told me to tell you where I find my peace. In this day and age, if you tell someone you “hear the voice of God”, you are likely to be given a psychiatric diagnosis. I am here to tell you, I have…most assuredly…heard the voice of God. And, while there was a time when you might have questioned my sanity, I am as sober as a judge and in my right mind. My journey through grief in the last four years has brought me into an intimate relationship with God and I love that I walk my path with Him.
\nWhen life has knocked you down, don’t be afraid to ask for a hand up. And, carry your mat for all to see so they might know Who made you well. ❤️
\n“Some time later, Jesus went up to Jerusalem for one of the Jewish festivals. Now there is in Jerusalem near the Sheep Gate a pool, which in Aramaic is called Bethesda and which is surrounded by five covered colonnades. Here a great number of disabled people used to lie—the blind, the lame, the paralyzed.
\nOne who was there had been an invalid for thirty-eight years. When Jesus saw him lying there and learned that he had been in this condition for a long time, he asked him, “Do you want to get well?” “Sir,” the invalid replied, “I have no one to help me into the pool when the water is stirred. While I am trying to get in, someone else goes down ahead of me.” Then Jesus said to him, “Get up! Pick up your mat and walk.” At once the man was cured; he picked up his mat and walked. The day on which this took place was a Sabbath, and so the Jewish leaders said to the man who had been healed, “It is the Sabbath; the law forbids you to carry your mat.” But he replied, “The man who made me well said to me, ‘Pick up your mat and walk.’ ””\nJohn 5:1-3, 5-11 NIV
\n", "date_published": "2017-02-26T02:55:34-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/02/26/carrying-my-mat.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Hope","Positive Energy","God"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/02/25/frieda-gots-an-owwie.html", "title": "Frieda Gots an Owwie!", "content_html": "![\"Banged](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/7d93ce900c.jpg\")
\nIf you look at her, she doesn’t look so bad but she is pretty sad. I am sore and tired. Getting bruises here and there including a little darkening around the eyes. My chest is what hurts the most from the airbag and seat belt.
\nToday we are having an Irish Coffee Wake in memory of Anna, our friend who passed away a couple weeks ago. We shall raise a toast for a brave and athletic woman. I’m staying in town a couple more days. I can get my rental car then. By that time, I’m sure I’ll be well on the mend. Hope you have a beautiful day today! ❤️
\n“I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.”\nRomans 8:18 NIV
\n", "date_published": "2017-02-25T02:55:09-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/02/25/frieda-gots-an-owwie.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Positive Energy"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/02/23/writing-my-life.html", "title": "Writing my Life", "content_html": "![\"Your](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/5e0a5cce4c.jpg\")
\nI’ve always been a storyteller. I was the kid who sat at the table and listened to all the family stories. I was fascinated by what had happened before I was born because I had an innate sense it had somehow made me…me. I’ve told you all before, my mom always said I had the “gift of gab”. I always thought that meant I was doing something wrong. I was too loud, too talkative, too…much. Now I see it as my gift.
\nGod gives us all gifts. Sometimes we envy others their special gifts. How many times have you wished you could dance or play the piano or sing beautifully but you have two left feet with short fingers and can’t carry a tune in a washtub? I used to. I didn’t believe I had anything to offer the world. I couldn’t figure out, other than my beautiful daughters, what I was put here to do. I’ve tried my hand at writing at various points in my life, but it was never the right time. I did co-author a book on Gestational Diabetes for the National Institutes of health back in the “80s, but that wasn’t all that creative. I just wrote about my job as a Diabetes Educator.
\nJust like playing the piano, your craft improves the more you do it. I’ve been writing a journal for much of the past 17 years. At first, it was really boring. I’d write down what I did that day or what I fixed for supper. Eventually, I loosened up and started exploring my inner self. I started reaching into the past and telling stories. I started digging, like an emotional archaeologist, and picked out those sore places in my heart and soul. I began to write poetry and short stories. I wrote a children’s book using creative visualization.
\nJournaling helped me get through the darkest time of my life when I was clinically depressed. It helped me figure out how to navigate a sticky divorce. It documented the great love that grew with Mr. Virgo. And, it helped me share with you here what that loss has been like for me. There is power in words. There is healing…not only in the writing itself, but in the sharing. When you suffer a profound experience in your life, like the death of your beloved, finding out there are others out there going through the same thing is incredibly validating. Knowing what you’re going through is normal (or a variation thereof) is quite liberating.
\nI encourage everyone to keep a journal. It may not win a Pulitzer. It may not ever see the light of day. But it can be incredibly therapeutic. Write down your thoughts. Start a blog. Write poetry. My computer is my canvas…my keyboard the brush…my thoughts the paint. What I write may not be art, but it is the key that unlocked MY prison. Go to a bookstore and pick out a beautiful journal. Get one that speaks to you. Buy a couple of really great pens. Pour your heart out on those pages. It’s good therapy and it’s pretty cheap! ❤️
\n“And do not forget to do good and to share with others, for with such sacrifices God is pleased.”\nHebrews 13:16 NIV
\n", "date_published": "2017-02-23T02:55:02-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/02/23/writing-my-life.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Positive Energy"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/02/22/when-youre-gone.html", "title": "When You're Gone", "content_html": "![\"Painting](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/79fa54d940.jpg\")
\nI’ve been playing catch up ever since I got back from my trip to Florida. I finally got the laundry done on Monday. I was in town most of yesterday running errands, getting my hair cut, meeting a friend for dinner. I went to the tractor store and bought a live trap to try to catch this feral kitty to get her fixed. Back in time to feed three hungry cats and take the trash out before I settled in to write and catch up with friends.
\nAs I was driving home from town, I had the music blasting as usual. Upbeat, fun road music drifted through the truck and out the open sun roof as I be-bopped out the two-lane blacktop to the farm. Then…Joey + Rory started singing “When I’m Gone”. If you haven’t heard it, do. It’s a sad country song but it ends with hope, much like I strive to do here on my blog.
\nAs I listened to the lyrics, I kept hitting replay so I could pay close attention. In the second verse, the lyrics say “you’ll lay down in our big bed, dread the dark and dread the dawn”. I remember that feeling so well. I don’t feel that anymore. Well, very rarely. But I remember what it felt like to dread nightfall. I never really dreaded the dawn because I always did better in the light of day. It was the nights that killed me.
\nI started feeling the dread creep in as the light changed and the day drifted towards early evening. I knew what I was facing…long, sleepless hours…aching deep in my chest…longing for comfort…pining for the comforter. I started getting better when I brought God back into the equation. That is when I started to feel less alone, less acute pain, less abandoned. Less angry. Less devastated. Just a little less, bit by bit. Then, like the lyrics of the song, there came a day when I surprised myself with a smile when I remembered something Mr. Virgo had said. At first, I felt guilty for feeling happy. Like I might be betraying him in some way if I didn’t hold this vigil continually.
\nI think these feeling have stirred as I consider the merits of another relationship. It has to do with the word “widow”. Questions arise in my grief-soaked brain. Questions like…“If you enter a new relationship and fall in love, are you still a widow?” The answer to that is a resounding yes. Once a pickle, always a pickle. You don’t get to go back to being a fresh cucumber. Once a widow, always a widow. This is where you get to define what the word “widow” really means to you. What it looks like when it wears a new set of clothes with each passing season. Sackcloth and ashes gradually get replaced by brighter and more vibrant colors till you re-enter the land of the living. At least, that is what it has felt like to me. Each passing month has eventually become a year. And each year brings me further away from the raw pain of the acute grief and leaves me with an undercurrent….much like a deep, underground river that courses beneath a mountain, only to resurface and pour out like a freshwater spring. Time is the filter that removes some of the stain of pain. There will always be a trace, like the minerals the underground river picks up from the stone it percolates through. But, thank God the dread seems to have been filtered out as well. ❤️
\n“Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.””\nDeuteronomy 31:6 NIV
\n", "date_published": "2017-02-22T02:55:56-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/02/22/when-youre-gone.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/02/20/spring-is-in-the-air.html", "title": "Spring is in the Air", "content_html": "![\"There](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/e310dc37b5.jpg\")
\nSpring is just around the corner. Warm days are ahead. The sunshine is warming the earth and rain is bringing things back to life. I’m always amazed how early the grass greens up here in West Virginia. The green leaves of the spring flowers are up several inches so it won’t be long till splashes of color will dot the landscape. As a matter of fact, there are snowdrops already blooming down along the creek.
\nWith the recent passing of Valentine’s Day and the advent of Spring soon upon us, love is all around us. New lambs and calves are making their appearance. Leaves are already popping out on the honeysuckle vines that grace the roadside where I walk down the lane. As we venture outside, I’ve noticed lovers holding hands as they stroll through the park, along the river, in the mall. I remember in the first couple of years after losing Mr. Virgo, I hated seeing people in love. I wanted to smack them.
\nThe third year I decided I would never love again. A couple of disastrous dating experiences sent me running back to the relative safety of reading and writing alone every night. Now I’m approaching the fourth Angelversary and I’m thinking this isn’t the way I want to spend the rest of my life. I’d like some company. I’d like a friend to do fun things with. I’d like someone to share the excitement of travel. Someone to talk to. Someone to have my back and I his.
\nI’m feeling ready for a partner. And…I like my alone time. I like not having to answer to anyone. I like doing my own thing, making my own decisions, going where the wind takes me. Incorporating someone into your life when you’ve been alone for a few years takes some compromise and some getting used to. But, hey…what if you found someone that loves all the things you love like travel, cooking, movies, dancing, dining out AND he likes HIS alone time, too? What if you got to draw up the blueprints of a new relationship and it was exactly the way you wanted it AND it worked for him, too? Yeah…a pipe dream, to be sure. But it’s something to think about. And pray about.
\nI’m telling you this…I’m done with the online dating thing. I promised God I wouldn’t go out and try to find a guy because I think my picker is broken. I told him if He wants me to have someone in my life, He’s (quite literally) going to have to send him to my door with a sign around his neck saying “God sent me!”. If it happens, fine. If it doesn’t happen, fine. But I’m open to the possibility and that’s a huge step.
\nWhat about you all? Are any of you starting to think you might want to try another relationship? It’s ok if you aren’t. There are as many ways to do things as there are people. Many women would never think of being with someone else. And, it’s ok if you are. Personal fulfillment is a highly individualized thing. Feel free to share if you like. Spring is in the air! ❤️
\n“Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.”\n1 Peter 5:6-7 NIV
\n", "date_published": "2017-02-20T02:55:04-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/02/20/spring-is-in-the-air.html", "tags": ["Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Positive Energy"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/02/19/a-good-nights-sleep.html", "title": "A Good Night's Sleep", "content_html": "![\"Banana](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/942d08f08c.jpg\")
\nI’ve slept in a number of hotels in the last month. I only had one less-than-perfect stay and that was in St. Augustine, Florida. I can’t even tell you the name of that hotel. Mr. Virgo spoiled me with hotels and restaurants since that was his career. He taught me what to look for, how you give feedback in a way that ensures a problem is fixed, when and how to send food back, and how to ask for a better rate. Consequently, I can be pretty critical of hotels and restaurants so when one goes above and beyond, I like to give kudos.
\nI rarely make reservations ahead of time when I travel, which would have made Mr. Virgo crazy. He had to know where we were going, when we would get there, and what restaurants were in the immediate vicinity. I find the walk in rate is generally lower than what you find on the internet. Sometimes you can get better rates on the discount travel sites like Travelocity or Hotels.com.
\nMy friend Deneene and I drove to Cincinnati on Wednesday. I was riding shotgun so we navigated to the funeral home first so we would know where it was then backtracked to find a hotel. I will not stay in a motel with the door opening to the outdoors. I’ve stayed at too many where street people pound on your door at 3:00am. It’s safer to be in a hotel with indoor hallways and resulting security cameras when you’re traveling alone or don’t have a man with you. At least, that’s my feeling so that’s what I do.
\nWhen we got to an area with multiple chain hotels, I did a search and found a number of affordable rooms, but I was drawn to this particular one…Hampton Inn Cincinnati - King’s Island. The price was $109. I told you before when I was traveling in Florida that I ask the front desk if they can meet the discount price on my app. Well, again, I felt this nudge when I went in and didn’t say anything. Just “Do you have a room for two with two Queen beds?” The desk clerk quoted me $89.99…already much lower than the Internet price. Then I asked if they had an AARP rate and they went down to $80.29! And, let me tell you…it was well worth every penny. The bed was comfortable and the linens divine. And I have to say, breakfast was great but I was especially taken by the personal messages written on every banana in the fruit basket. It’s little touches like that which gives a hotel stay that something extra and makes you feel pampered and special.
\nStaying in hotels with nice, new mattresses and box springs really brought home how abysmal the mattress was that I’ve been sleeping on at the farm. I swear it’s at least 30-40 years old…maybe more. I noticed when I got home that one of the area K-Marts was closing and they had Serta mattresses and box springs 40% off so I bought a set. It seems the box springs is about 3/4" smaller than the old one so when I sat down on it, it went right down through the frame and hit the floor with a thud. Today I measured and went to Lowe’s for boards to use as slats in the bed frame. In case you don’t know this, you can give your measurements to the staff in the lumber department at Lowe’s and they will cut it for you. Pretty handy if you don’t have power tools! Now I have my comfy new bed at home and I feel like the vacation is ongoing and with the temp in the high 60’s yesterday, and a long walkabout, it still is! ❤️
\n“When you lie down, you will not be afraid; when you lie down, your sleep will be sweet.”\nProverbs 3:24 NIV
\n", "date_published": "2017-02-19T02:55:33-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/02/19/a-good-nights-sleep.html", "tags": ["Travel","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Positive Energy"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/02/18/time-to-say-goodbye.html", "title": "Time to Say Goodbye", "content_html": "![\"Old](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/70b252af36.jpg\")
\nSeven dogs have owned my heart. One at a time, these fur babies stole into my life, took up residence in my bed, got up on the furniture, snuck my sandwiches and left morning surprises behind the odd chair or sofa. They let the world know they were a part of my life by decorating every stitch of my clothing with hair the exact opposite darkness of what I was wearing. They destroyed shoes and doors, carpets and toys. They changed the way my house smelled and the way I looked at the world. They changed me…for the better. Eventually, they all made their way to the Rainbow Bridge to wait for me. And, they invariably took a piece of my heart with them when the left.
\nThere were two dogs in my life that I had to find new homes for. One was a standard poodle who was gorgeous and well bred who came to me at a time in my life when I was building a business and going through a divorce. The dog was extremely high energy and surprisingly destructive. She needed to be in a home with another busy dog to wear off some of that energy instead of being cooped up in a needlework shop where there were just too many tempting things to chew on…like a customer’s custom hand painted needlepoint canvas from France. $700 later, Sadie lived quite happily on a farm where she was free to run and live out her days.
\nZoey was a City Market box puppy who threw up the entire drive home. She was one of those fur babies you bring home because you made the mistake of taking your 12-year-old daughter to the store with you. Zoey and I had a difficult relationship from the beginning and it got exponentially worse after my second child was born. She became increasingly aggressive towards the baby. Messes I could clean up. Hurting my baby was unforgivable. So, Zoey ended up with another family without children. Unfortunately, she lived a short life when she was frightened by lightning and was hit by a car.
\nA friend of mine had to make a very difficult decision yesterday. She rescued a dog a couple of years ago who had a tendency to nip heels as his breed was wont to do. The dog was fine with my friend, and also with her room mate. But, if anyone came near the house, the dog became increasingly aggressive. She tried everything from shock collars to behavior modification to separation and isolation. She broke him of many things like chasing other animals but there was nothing short of muzzling and crating him to keep him from biting people who came too close…the last one fairly severely. That’s no way for a dog to live, and before he could hurt a child or do serious damage, she made the heartbreaking choice to euthanize him.
\nAnd loss of a fur baby is hard to take, but the guilt my friend is feeling is compounded by already grieving the loss of her husband. Our fur babies are family and sometimes we have to “adult up” and do the responsible, if undesirable, thing. We grieve our losses…any losses. And the loss of a fur baby is as big to some people as the loss of a human. My heart is with you, D. Please feel comfort in the fact that you gave your boy two really good years that he would not have had without your huge heart trying to rehabilitate his dangerous behaviors. Grieve as you need to. I’m here for you. ❤️
\n1 Corinthians 15:39 (KJV) “All flesh is not the same flesh: but there is one kind of flesh of men, another flesh of beasts, another of fishes,and another of birds.” Luke 3:6 (KJV) “And all flesh shall see the salvation of God.”
\n", "date_published": "2017-02-18T02:55:01-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/02/18/time-to-say-goodbye.html", "tags": ["Family","Grief","Strong Women"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/02/17/looking-back.html", "title": "Looking Back", "content_html": "![\"Rear](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/237cd33b45.jpg\")
\nAfter a long day driving to Cincinnati, standing in a receiving line for nearly two hours, and sitting through a gut wrenching funeral, my traveling companion and I were exhausted. We got up yesterday morning and had a wonderful hotel breakfast. (I know…it sounds like an oxymoron. Try Hampton Inn Cincinnati/King’s Island) We stopped at the front desk, asked for a late checkout for 12:30 and went back upstairs and slept for two more hours. The beds were fabulous, the linens luxurious, and the room was quiet and well appointed with a fridge, microwave, and coffeepot. All for $80 with an AARP discount. I have found some great deals this month.
\nDeneene and I met Jamie for lunch at the Rusty Bucket. Really, really clean, great food, attentive staff…even Mr. Virgo would have given it his stamp of approval. Deneene and Jamie are both “Ranchers” and widows. Coincidentally, they were both introduced to me by high school classmates of mine. I first met Jamie two years ago when I did a “salon” with our mutual friend, Marion, who is an artist. Over lunch, we all talked about how far we’ve come in our journeys through widowhood. I loved listening to Deneene and Jamie discussing things they had learned by reading this blog. They spoke of the box where I placed my memories of Mr. Virgo…keeping him within reach where I can bring him out when I need to visit or work through something but not holding him right in front of my eyes all the time. Listening to them filled me with pride…pride in these strong women who have found a way to make something beautiful with their lives after suffering something so unbearable.
\nOn the way home, I listened to Deneene’s stories as I watched the flat Ohio landscape slip by. My eyes wandered to the side mirror and it occurred to me these three brave widows made good use of the sand left in their hourglasses yesterday. We didn’t look back to lament where we’ve been. We all know that sucked. No…we looked back and celebrated how far we have come. Life comes back to us as we come back to life. ❤️
\n“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”\nJeremiah 29:11 NIV
\n", "date_published": "2017-02-17T02:55:23-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/02/17/looking-back.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Positive Energy"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/02/16/the-sands-of-time.html", "title": "The Sands of Time", "content_html": "![\"Sands](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/1a18939521.jpg\")
\nI came to Cincinnati yesterday for my friend Anna’s funeral. Most of you read that Anna died seventeen days after her husband. Both from natural causes. Anna and Lance would have been extremely proud of their girls yesterday. They were gracious and greeted hundreds of people before sitting through the 90 minute service. The hardest thing for me was watching her little granddaughters crying through the service. They were so beautiful and so brave. The eldest stood up and read a story about her Mimi. It was heartbreaking yet such a beautiful tribute to a beautiful woman.
\nThe pastor who led the service placed an hourglass on a stool next to the podium and said, “This is your life.” Everything we do, say, experience slips through the same as each grain of sand. We can’t turn it back. And we don’t know when our last grain will slip through and we pass from this world to the next. There comes a time when you sense there’s more sand in the bottom than there is in the top. What do you want to do with the grains you have left?
\nOne of Anna’s daughters posted a tribute to her mother on Facebook. She said, “It is not the legacy you leave FOR someone. It’s the legacy you leave IN someone that matters most.” That’s a beautiful sentiment.
\nI’m here with a friend and we’re meeting a fellow Cincinnati “Rancher” for lunch today. We’re making the best of the sand we have left. ❤️
\n“They are like a breath; their days are like a fleeting shadow.”\nPsalm 144:4 NIV
\n", "date_published": "2017-02-16T02:55:37-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/02/16/the-sands-of-time.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/02/15/collective-hearts.html", "title": "Collective Hearts", "content_html": "![\"Heart](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/f3d07058ef.jpg\")
\nI went to the mall last night after dinner and watched people. Couples holding hands. Young families entertaining little ones, trying to tire them out before bed. Singles on solitary shopping excursions, perhaps assuaging their own pangs of loneliness on “International Couples Day”. I totally indulged myself with some chocolate. I didn’t feel bad. I’m not alone. I’m never alone. I do sometimes get lonely, but I wasn’t last night. Alone or lonely. It’s a matter of vernacular.
\nThe same is true for grief and mourning. Grief is a matter of singularity. It is the path you alone walk in your journey. It is the price of love. Great love incurs great grief when the beloved is gone. Mourning, however, is a matter of the collective hearts of those who lose a person in common. It is shared. It is an act of social responsibility to mourn the loss of those important to you. You attend funerals of those you mourn to show respect, to share the pain you feel with others who are also feeling the loss to whatever degree it strikes them personally.
\nI am heading to Cincinnati today to attend Anna’s funeral. As we discussed last week, Anna and I graduated from high school together. We knew each other but weren’t friends, per se. My friendship with Anna developed after we realized we shared a birthday. We became closer over discussing her mother-in-law breaking her hip, the birth of her beautiful grandchildren, and her fear that no one would know her if she showed up 45 years late to a class reunion. I think she was pleasantly surprised that she was welcomed with open arms and indeed, we did miss her and remember her. She vowed she and her husband would return for the 50th and now, that won’t happen.
\nWhy am I traveling four hours to the funeral of someone I only really “knew” through a few Facebook exchanges and the common bond of graduating from the same class? Because. Because, it’s what you do. This one hit home, even though I hadn’t seen Anna for 45 years. Our collective hearts are broken and we mourn together as a group. It is the only thing I can do…actively do…to show her children that their mother’s life meant something to me. It would be easy to do nothing and stay home. I’m done with taking the easy way out. Today, I bring my heart to Cincinnati in hopes of offering comfort. ❤️
\n“My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.”\nPsalm 73:26 NIV
\n", "date_published": "2017-02-15T02:55:49-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/02/15/collective-hearts.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Positive Energy"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/02/14/dear-mr-virgo.html", "title": "Dear Mr. Virgo...", "content_html": "![\"No](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/f063f0fd61.jpg\")
\nIn less than a month it will be four years that you’ve been gone. Our last Valentine’s Day together came and went without giving your impending death a thought. I fixed you a wonderful meal. You brought me flowers and a little heart shaped cake. You gave me a gushy card. I love gushy cards. You knew that. You stood in the card section carefully reading each one till you found the gushiest of the gushy cards to satisfy the incurable romantic that lives within me. You were sweet that way.
\nI could barely breathe the first Valentine’s Day after you died. The thoughts of others still sharing this special day of love broke me. I hated lovers. I wanted to smack all the happy people holding hands and kissing. I wanted to walk between them, breaking them as I was broken. I was that insane woman walking up the street, pulling her hair and muttering and soiling herself on the bus. Only I wasn’t really. That’s just who I was on the inside. Everyone else saw a smile that was not quite connected to my eyes. They could only suspect I may be coming unwrapped.
\nThe second Valentine’s Day was worse. I wasn’t protected by the fog anymore. I was openly bitter and angry. Fewer people looked me in the eye. Alone. Alone, alone, alone. My daughter, in her innocence, asked, “Aren’t you over this? It’s been two years?” Oh…she had no idea what she was saying. Thank God, thank God, thank God.
\nThis is the third Valentine’s Day since your untimely exit. It’s better. Infinitely better. And, like CS Lewis in A Grief Observed, “No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear”. Like Mr. Lewis, I was not afraid. I just had every sensation that fear gives you. The fear has subsided and left me with a sensation that I’ve misplaced something important. Like the dreams new mothers have that they can’t remember where they put the baby, I feel like I left you on the back seat of a taxi in a crowded city. There’s no getting you back…no lost and found in which I might rummage, looking for that shock of silver hair that would let me know it was you. No…I have resigned myself to the finality. And I’ve turned down several streets…each taking me further and further away from the house we lived in together.
\nThis is not a sad thing anymore. Not that it’s a happy thing. It’s not that either. But I’ve found my balance. My inner gyroscope has me upright and moving in the right direction. I have joy again. I have things to look forward to. I have lots of love in my life. I have found peace in the space between you and infinity. There will be moments still when I get knocked off the high wire. I’m grateful God has a big net.
\nYou gave me eight Valentines. That was all we were allowed. But you will always live in my heart. As a matter of fact, it is BECAUSE we loved so much that I’m willing to risk my heart again if God brings me someone. It doesn’t scare me so much anymore. I was your last love. I will always and forever be your last great love. I am so glad we had that beautiful life together.
\nThank you for picking me, handsome man. It was such an honor to be your Valentine. ❤️
\n“Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.”\nPsalm 23:4 NIV
\n", "date_published": "2017-02-14T02:55:50-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/02/14/dear-mr-virgo.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Holiday"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/02/13/back-home-again.html", "title": "BACK HOME AGAIN", "content_html": "![\"Luggage,](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/358a566415.jpg\")
\nI’m home, safe and sound. I can’t say I’m particularly excited about it. As a matter of fact, I’ve pretty much made up my mind to spend much of next winter in the south. I have never achieved re-entry gracefully after vacations. This is no exception. The pile of luggage, laundry, pamphlets, cooler, shoes, backpacks, and souvenirs will have to be dealt with during the week.
\nThere’s always an emotional slump for me when I try to come down from the high that travel gives me. I love the excitement of being on the road. That being said, I am really grateful I got home without mishap. And, I’m grateful for the opportunity to travel. I got in late last night and added another 2,500+ miles to my travel total. I’m pretty tired.
\nI’m going to share a memory from this time last year. Valentine’s Day is coming up and this is timely. I’ll be back tomorrow. ❤️
\n\n“Then you will go on your way in safety, and your foot will not stumble. When you lie down, you will not be afraid; when you lie down, your sleep will be sweet.”\nProverbs 3:23-24 NIV
\n", "date_published": "2017-02-13T02:55:52-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/02/13/back-home-again.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/02/12/a-country-mile.html", "title": "A Country Mile", "content_html": "![\"hat](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/8b65090603.jpg\")
\nI had one of the best days ever yesterday. It was absolutely the perfect culmination of my vacation. I’ve been in Bristol visiting my cousin and his wife. I love them so much. I was in 1st grade when Tommy went in the Navy. He came back on leave once in his Navy whites and I fell in love. I was ten. I’ve always been close to Tommy and Suzy so visiting them is a treat I treasure.
\nYesterday we took the buggy and rode all around the dam and the river road. We went to the market and bought local apples and sourwood honey. We came back for lunch then drove into town. We went to Bristol Motor Speedway and actually walked inside. That was pretty cool. While I’ve never understood the allure of NASCAR, I’m open to the experience. We came back home and I took a nap before dinner. Then, our dinner guests arrived.
\nI met Mark and Barb here a year and a half ago. I had attended church with my cousins and a large contingent got together for lunch after. There must have been thirty of us spread out over three tables. I remember marvelling over these beautifully poised southern women mothering their children. Teaching them to be social…gently correcting and guiding them through the interactions that are required of polite young people. It was charming and refreshing.
\nMark sat at my left that day and we instantly bonded over stories of fly fishing on the Frying Pan River. Both Mark and his wife are doctors so we had lots in common. Last night the discussion varied from education to book recommendations…food and wine to colleges…football to travel. Genealogy to neuroplasticity. There was much love and laughter and very stimulating conversation. It was icing on the vacation cake.
\nToday is a travel day. I’m heading home to the farm. As much as I would love to go back to Florida this very minute, the party has to be over sometime. So, I’m on the road again.\n❤️?❤️
\n“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”\nEphesians 4:29 NIV
\n", "date_published": "2017-02-12T02:55:49-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/02/12/a-country-mile.html", "tags": ["Family","Travel","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Positive Energy","The Grand Adventure"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/02/11/intimacy.html", "title": "Intimacy", "content_html": "![\"Cottage\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/bd9d83f491.jpg\")
\nIntimacy: a close, familiar, and usually affectionate or loving personal relationship with another person or group.
\nI arrived at my cousin’s house in Bristol, TN a couple of hours before dinner.
\nI stayed in the Ramada Inn in Statesville, North Carolina last night. I tried the old “Can you meet this price on the Internet?” routine to no avail. The front desk clerk said, “Buy it on the internet, then.” So, I sat in the car in front of the hotel, purchased the room for $63 and went back in to check in. Just off the interstate, recently remodelled, and a hot buffet breakfast that was quite good. What’s not to love?
\nI am thrilled to report your prayers are doing the job! My cousin’s mesothelioma is “stable to improved” on the new experimental drug they’re using. He looks great, has more energy, and is happy and optimistic. It does my heart good to see him.
\nI’m happy here. These people surrounding me share my background, my blood, my history. There is a different level of intimacy in a circle of people you have been a part of your entire life. There is comfort in the knowing and loving. That’s one of the biggest parts of a relationship that I have missed. That shared sense of community you get when you’re part of a family. I have that…just not every day.
\nLosing my classmate Anna drives home how tenuous our time here really is. As I read her obituary last night, it reminded me…she and I shared a birthday. Same day, same hospital. Maybe our mothers relaxed back on their pillows and chatted about the wonders of childbirth. Maybe we had incubators that lay side by side in the nursery. Anna and I shared a special bond through a day on the calendar. I have missed that intimacy of close, personal relationships. I’m ready for more of that. ?❤️?
\n“Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.”\nEphesians 4:2 NIV
\n", "date_published": "2017-02-11T02:55:01-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/02/11/intimacy.html", "tags": ["Grief","Hope","Positive Energy"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/02/10/another-prayer-for-anna.html", "title": "Another Prayer for Anna", "content_html": "![\"Two](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/643958493d.jpg\")
\nOn the 24th of January, I wrote a post called “A Prayer for Anna”. My friend from high school lost her husband on the 22nd to a sudden heart attack. I knew, as many of you do, what she went through. That feeling of losing the life you had, the life you had planned, your best friend and your life partner. I know what her children went through as they tried to process their loss and break the news to their children that their Papa wasn’t coming home. That was what she dreaded the most…telling her five grandchildren.
\nWednesday evening, I went out to dinner with my niece at The Boar’s Head, a British Pub and Restaurant. Seriously, the Low Country Shrimp and Grits were fabulous! We had a wonderful meal and walked up and down the waterfront for a while. It was so nice to visit with her. She is a Major in the Army Reserves and going back to school to get yet another degree. I’m very proud of her. My phone was on fire towards the end of the evening but I didn’t look at it till I got back to the B&B.
\nWhen I got settled in my room, I looked at my phone and got sucker punched in the gut. Our Anna…new widow, soon-to-be-retired nurse, beloved mother, grandmother, and friend…was dead. Seventeen days after her beloved died, Anna was gone.
\nMy friend had a family history of heart disease and after her husband died so suddenly (as well as her younger brother dying and another brother having two heart attacks), she got a full workup. Just this past Monday, Anna had a cardiac cath and everything was fine. Wednesday, she was feeling good physically, and…as we know…she needed to get out and get some fresh air and sunshine, so she went out to walk the dog. We can all imagine what was running through her mind so new into this journey. Sometime into her walk, Anna had a heart attack and died. I have a friend who is a cardiac nurse and she suggested Anna may have had what is referred to as “Broken Heart Syndrome”. There isn’t a blockage, but the heart muscle is weakened from the stress of the loss and she likely suffered an arrhythmia that caused her to have a heart attack. I don’t know, but I assume she was walking alone and was found down. Whatever the details, the point remains…her two daughters lost both parents, unexpectedly, in the matter of seventeen days. That is horrifying.
\nWhile this is most certainly not about me, this kind of loss can make grief rear its ugly head. Things have been going really well for me the last few months. And…as grief is wont to do…just when you feel you may have recovered, your journey catches up with you to remind you there will always be work to do. I was broken-hearted when I got this news. I couldn’t even begin to sleep and stayed up much of the night commiserating with my classmates online. We are all in shock and our hearts are with the girls and their children.
\nI am so glad I had the opportunity to see Anna at our 45th high school reunion in August. Like I said in my post on the 24th, she and I didn’t really know each other well in high school. But, we were FB friends and we were all excited that Anna was coming to the reunion. We visited and laughed and promised to get together once she retired. And, now she’s gone. I’m still having trouble processing that. What it drives home is this…life is so tenuous. It is a thread…a hair’s breadth…a whisper…a heartbeat between “here” and “not here”. The mystery of life awes me and scares me yet comforts me in that I know there is life after this. An eternal life of living in the presence of a loving and forgiving Father. I know Anna has been reunited with her Prince Charming of just shy of 42 years. She didn’t have time to learn about the “new normal”. Now, it’s her children and grandchildren who will need to create that for themselves. And, my heart is most definitely with them. ?
\n“Therefore we are always confident and know that as long as we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord. For we live by faith, not by sight. We are confident, I say, and would prefer to be away from the body and at home with the Lord.”\n2 Corinthians 5:6-8 NIV
\n", "date_published": "2017-02-10T02:55:42-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/02/10/another-prayer-for-anna.html", "tags": ["Grief","Prayer","Strong Women"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/02/08/st-augustine.html", "title": "St. Augustine", "content_html": "![\"St.](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/37150c1dfd.jpg\")
\nThis is probably my favorite town on this trip. St. Augustine is our nations oldest city. Home of Ponce de Leon’s Fountain of Youth, the St. Augustine Lighthouse, Castillo de San Marcos, Cathedral Basilica of St. Augustine, and the Colonial Quarter. The Cathedral was magnificent. I lit a candle for Mr. Virgo since he was a Catholic. The Castillo, or Fort Matanzas National Monument (which I entered free with my Senior National Parks Card), was very interesting. I was intrigued by the coquina, a kind of limestone formed from shells and sand, from which the structure is made. I climbed the 219 steps to the top of the lighthouse. The views were magnificent from up there. I even got brave enough to look over the edge! I spent the majority of the day wandering through the little shops in the Colonial Quarter. I ate lunch in a Cuban restaurant. The temperature got up to 78 and it rained briefly at around 6:00 as I was walking back to my car. It was an absolutely gorgeous day.
\nI’m heading to Savannah, GA today. Another historical city. And, I’ll get to visit with one of my nieces.
\nOn the road again… ❤️
\n“Your word is a lamp for my feet, a light on my path.”\nPsalm 119:105 NIV
\n", "date_published": "2017-02-08T02:55:06-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/02/08/st-augustine.html", "tags": ["Travel","Grief","The Grand Adventure"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/02/07/flagler-beach.html", "title": "Flagler Beach", "content_html": "![\"Flagler](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/893a2d5266.jpg\")
\nI last stood on this beach in January 2001. It’s funny how sights, sounds, and smells can take you right back to a pivotal moment in your life, isn’t it? That January marked one year since I overdosed on two bottles of pills that very easily could have killed me. We’ve visited this before here in my blog. It was a very dark time for me. The new millennium dawned with the implosion of a twenty-year marriage and was the zenith of a seven-year bout of severe clinical depression. Now it doesn’t even feel like it was my life, really.
\nI stepped onto this beach yesterday and instantly remembered the morning I came here sixteen years ago. It was cold and a dense pea-soup fog had settled over Flagler Beach with no real promise of sun to burn it off. Foghorns called from the surf I could not see. I remember sitting down in the damp sand, absentmindedly sifting the uniquely colored red grains through my fingers. I sat there for the longest time, thinking over how far I had come in that past year. I had no idea how far I had yet to go before I could safely say it was over.
\nGrief comes in different packages. That particular year, I was still grieving the loss of my maternal grandmother the year before. Add to that the loss of my marriage, the tearing apart of my family unit, the overdose itself, and the resulting year of gruelling therapy and I was pretty battle-weary. I sat on the sand and cried, breathing in big gulps of salty sea air. I hadn’t grown to the point back then where I was sure I’d be ok or that, God forbid, I was better off without him. No…that realization came much later.
\nYesterday, the sun was shining in a nearly cloudless sky. It was warm and inviting. I could see far out to the horizon where I spotted a white boat bobbing in the surf. I walked a long way up the beach, feeling the soft sand give way under my feet. I came upon a state park (Gamble Rogers) and picked up a brochure for camping next year when I bring TOW-Wanda down. I smiled as I folded the brochure and tucked it in my pocket. If you would have told me sixteen years ago what I’d be doing in 2017, I would never in a million years have believed it. This beach is like the doorway of your kitchen where you mark how much your children have grown…only for me it marks my emotional growth. I’ve lived a hundred lifetimes since the first time I stepped into the fog on Flagler Beach. I’ve lost and found love and lost again…several times since then. Walking through my current grief journey puts the pain I felt on that cold January day into perspective. There are all kinds of grief, but grief is grief and it all needs to be worked through in its own time. It’s just nice to have a measuring stick to see how you’re doing once in a while. ❤️
\n“…I have heard your prayer and seen your tears; I will heal you…”\n2 Kings 20:5 NIV
\n", "date_published": "2017-02-07T02:55:27-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/02/07/flagler-beach.html", "tags": ["Travel","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/02/05/another-day-in-paradise.html", "title": "Another Day in Paradise", "content_html": "![\"Pool](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/dc5eaf1167.jpg\")
\nThe wind was pretty cool yesterday so I only stayed at the beach 30 minutes before I chucked that idea and headed back to the hotel pool. This is a little slice of heaven right here. The buildings blocked the wind and it was really nice.
\nNo meals out yesterday except for an iced coffee at McDonald’s. Didn’t drive the car anywhere either. I needed a lay low day since today I’m heading to Tampa to see a friend I’ve known for 40 years. I love the place I’m staying and it’s three weeks till the season starts here so it’s pretty reasonable, comparatively. It’s the size of a one bedroom apartment and really quite livable. I cooked dinner last night…pork chop, baked potato, and steamed broccoli.
\nAfter dinner, I walked down to the pier where I caught that great violinist that I posted last night. He was the nicest young man…Cal Morris. You can catch him on YouTube and on his website at www.calmorrismusic.com. I went out on the pier to catch the sunset and look at the wares of the street vendors. It was a beautiful evening.
\nSo, one more day on the Gulf side and I head to the Atlantic. It has been so wonderful here. I’ve never really gone someplace warm during January-February and I swear, I will do this every year if I have to eat beans and rice to do it. This trip has helped with the winter blues…tremendously. I might bring TOW-Wanda down next winter and stay a while! ❤️
\n“Sunshine is sweet; it is good to see the light of day. People ought to enjoy every day of their lives, no matter how long they live. But they should also remember this: You will be dead a long time. Everything that happens then is useless. Young people, enjoy yourselves while you are young; be happy while you are young. Do whatever your heart desires, whatever you want to do. But remember that God will judge you for everything you do.”\nEcclesiastes 11:7-9 NCV
\n", "date_published": "2017-02-05T02:55:24-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/02/05/another-day-in-paradise.html", "tags": ["Travel","Grief","Positive Energy","The Grand Adventure"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/02/04/time-is-short.html", "title": "Time is Short", "content_html": "![\"Words](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/b841e695ad.jpg\")
\nI was walking on the beach the other evening and stumbled upon these words in the sand. “Time is Short”. Tears instantly stung the backs of my eyes when I thought of who wrote such wisdom where surely the tide would soon erase all evidence of their presence here. I found a chair nearby and watched as the sun slowly settled into the sea and thought of Mr. Virgo and how short our time together was. In the grand scheme of things, he was gone in a heart beat at 62.
\nTime really IS short in retrospect. When you are busy doing life stuff, it seems to stretch out forever in front of you…much like when we were kids at the start of summer vacation. Here I am, two more nights on the beach and I have to start wending my way home. Time IS short.
\nSo, is it possible to slow down time? If we savor each moment, and really LIVE in it, it may not actually slow the passage of time, but we can expand our lives and experiences. That’s easy to do when you’re sitting on the beach in Florida. It’s more difficult when you’re working your butt off and your good friend dies and you hit a deer with the car that only had five payments left like a friend of mine. That kind of stuff brings time to a brutal, grueling grind. She’s got a great attitude, though. It’s just another thing to go through and there will be better days ahead.
\nTime is short. Anyone who has experienced loss is well aware of this. I am grateful to have some time and distance between losing Mr. Virgo and sitting on this beach watching another gorgeous Florida sunset. Yet, these words made me feel. ❤️
\n“But do not forget this one thing, dear friends: With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day.”\n2 Peter 3:8 NIV
\n", "date_published": "2017-02-04T02:55:20-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/02/04/time-is-short.html", "tags": ["Travel","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","The Grand Adventure"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/02/02/the-perfect-day.html", "title": "The Perfect Day", "content_html": "![\"Palm](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/490715d3de.jpg\")
\nWhat an incredible day yesterday was! The temperature got up to 72. I walked nearly four miles on the beach, went back to my hotel and played in the pool and played in the sun. Then went for a long drive all the way down the peninsula to Pass-A-Grille Beach. Turned around and stopped at the shops at John’s Pass near Madeira Beach. Watched yet another beautiful Florida sunset and ended the night by taking myself out for dinner at The Conch Republic. Yummy seafood there and a fun ambiance! Got back to my hotel and was whupped so I’m sharing a post I wrote a couple years ago that someone else shared yesterday. It’s fairly timely.
\nFlorida sunshine is being good to me! ❤️
\n“Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.”\nGalatians 6:9 NIV
\n\n", "date_published": "2017-02-02T02:55:13-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/02/02/the-perfect-day.html", "tags": ["Travel","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Positive Energy","The Grand Adventure"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/01/28/happily-ever-afterinterrupted.html", "title": "HAPPILY EVER AFTER...INTERRUPTED", "content_html": "![\"Groom's](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/065d7c9115.jpg\")
\nI used to think how horrific it was…how incredibly sad it was that Mr. Virgo died just three weeks shy of our 6th wedding anniversary. I mean…essentially, we were still newlyweds. We didn’t get to have those big anniversaries…10th, 20th. I was 53 when we married. Mr. Virgo Was 55 and smoked. The chances of us having a 30th wedding anniversary was slim to none. But I thought we’d have more time. We all think we’ll have more time.
\nI heard something over the weekend what broke my heart. A high school friend up and moved away last fall after building her dream house. Nothing much was said, just that she wanted to live near her son. Then, quite suddenly, with no fanfare, we got to see a beautiful wedding picture of her and the man of her dreams…her long time best friend who had been there for her and her family through thick and thin. It was a holiday wedding and my friend was wearing a gorgeous long white wedding dress. She is a tiny wisp of a thing and she looked so darling holding a beautiful bouquet of flowers. Her new husband, in his black suit and his jaunty red bow tie looked like a man with a kind, sweet face…obviously smitten with his “girl”. I was thrilled for my friend. She’s been alone a long time so it was heart warming to see her so happy.
\nThen, as I was scrolling through my Facebook feed the other day, I saw her post about the wedding and how they met and how long they’ve known each other. They started out as friends for a very long time before their love blossomed. And…she was so sad to report that they lost her handsome new husband the night before to cancer. I was shocked. I am so sad for her. Not only did she finally marry her very best friend, he up and died on her. It was three weeks. Three weeks. I am not privy to the details, but one would have to assume they knew he had cancer going in and wanted to be married. I can understand that. Another friend of mine had found the love of his life but he really didn’t want to get married again. Then she became terminally ill and he asked what he could do for her…name it, he’d do anything. She want to die with his name. So, he married her and she died a couple days later.
\nThat is love, right there. That is super-human love and strength to go into the wedding, into the marriage, unsure how long it would be…knowing what they were facing. I admire their courage and their devotion to each other. The depth of their love. Heck, I admire anyone who loves enough to share their lives with each other…no matter what their health is. Because this whole thing is a crap shoot. Either one of you could be gone tomorrow. When I contemplate having another relationship, I wonder if I am strong enough to do it again. To give everything and then lose it all. And, while I certainly wouldn’t want to go through this again, I would with the right person. With the right true love. Because, I am a people person. I am a team player. I do better in even numbers. And I’m a total gush-ball romantic. Maybe one of these days, I’ll find another Mr. Wonderful. As sad as I am for my friend, I am so happy she got to be Mrs…even if it was just for three very short weeks. Prayers to you, dear one…my heart is with you in your loss. ❤️
\n“I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.”\nPhilippians 4:13 KJV
\n", "date_published": "2017-01-28T02:55:59-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/01/28/happily-ever-afterinterrupted.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Strong Women","Hope"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/01/27/the-door.html", "title": "THE DOOR", "content_html": "![\"Window](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/19761ab7bd.jpg\")
\nThere is nothing beautiful about becoming a widow. It’s scary and sad and extraordinarily painful. For the longest time, I was certain there would never be joy again, even as I traveled in TOW-Wanda. I sat in a chair looking at a closed door. On the other side of that door was the rest of my life. Christina Rasmussen calls this the Waiting Room. We touched on that last week. I sat there for the longest time…in fear. I wasn’t afraid to move forward because I was alone. I wasn’t. God led my every breath and directed my every step as I navigated this grief journey. As a matter of fact, I can look back and see where every stumble was because I took my focus off of Him and tried to drive the bus on my own. I have long since decided I’m much better off when I ride shotgun with Jesus at the wheel. But, I was still afraid of moving forward.
\nFear of the unknown had me stuck. Fear of losing what little tangible evidence of the great love we had kept me from opening my heart to even the possibilities of loving again. I couldn’t bear the thought of loving…only to lose everything all over again. So, I sat…and waited, and waited, and waited. I’m not talking about my physical presence. That I was taking all over God’s green earth…to search for solace and peace and release from this hell I’d been thrust into. No, my physical being was doing quite well…seeing places I’d never seen, doing things I’d never done. All the while, my heart and mind sat, carefully eyeing that door.
\nOne day I was standing in the headwaters of the Frying Pan River. I had been fishing from the bank. It was a beautiful, hot, late-summer day. The current was gentle where I was. Suddenly, I felt restless…bored…frustrated. I realized I was tired of sitting there…waiting. I laid my rod and reel down, slipped out of my shoes and socks, rolled up my jeans and stepped into the icy water. The jolt from the cold made me gasp for air and I squealed as I stepped from stone to slippery stone. I walked to the middle and stood looking upstream. The door wasn’t there. That is the past from whence I came. It was done…no changing that. I turned downstream and envisioned the door. That was where I needed to go, fear or no fear. I closed my eyes and listened to the river riffling over the stones at my feet. I felt the water caress my knees as it coursed past me, making its way down out of the Rockies and into the sea. I reached out in my mind and touched the door. The smooth wood felt like satin under my fingertips. I slid my hand down and grasped the door knob and turned. With great trepidation, I pushed ever so lightly as the door slowly swung open wide. My heart was pounding because I knew once I opened that door, there was no turning back. I took a deep breath and stepped through.
\nNothing big happened. No cymbals crashing or trumpet call. Still, I had this sense of change come over me, like a cocoon opening and I stood trembling…waiting for my wings to fill out and dry. As I stood there, I became acutely aware of a bird calling in the tree above me. A camp robber was scolding me for intruding into its space. I turned my face up to the sun and let it warm me. The scent of the pines was so thick you could cut it with a knife. My heartbeat slowed down and I was free. Free to move forward at my own pace. Free to feel the sun and the wind and the water. Free to embrace this new life one choice at a time. Has it been easy? Decidedly not. Has it been scary? Certainly, at times. But has it been worth opening that door and stepping through? Oh, my gosh…yes, yes, yes. A resounding yes! There is healing in letting go. There is liberation in letting my heart open to even feel the possibilities of loving another. There is hope.
\nWhen I was sitting staring at that door, I had no idea what was waiting on the other side. I just took a leap of faith because it was just too painful for me to stay where I was. I needed to have hope. I needed to believe it would get better. And it has…thank God. ❤️
\n“Lord my God, I called to you for help, and you healed me.”\nPsalm 30:2 NIV
\n", "date_published": "2017-01-27T02:55:58-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/01/27/the-door.html", "tags": ["Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Positive Energy"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/01/26/blue-skiessmilin-at-me.html", "title": "BLUE SKIES...SMILIN' AT ME", "content_html": "![\"Sunshine](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/43c3c8d85a.jpg\")
\nI woke up yesterday to blue skies!!! I knew right away this was a day to get outside. I simply cannot waste a sunny sky by staying indoors! I needed the break anyway. I dive too deep when I work with my early writings. They trigger anxiety, bad dreams, and just general yucky feelings so I have to take a break on occasion. What a glorious day to do it, too. These sunny days are gifts…rare gifts in a West Virginia January.
\nI had my eyes tested yesterday. I had a melanoma insitu on my arm 12 years ago and my dermatologist says it’s important to keep up with eye, dental, and…believe it or not, gynecological appointments as melanoma can be found on the retina, in the mouth, and in the…ummmm…netheryaya (to quote Amy Farrah Fowler, PhD). So, get checked…especially if you are fair skinned, had at least one severe sunburn that blistered, or a history of melanoma. Early detection is of the utmost importance.
\nI took myself out for a fun afternoon of browsing my favorite stores and then I met a friend for dinner. I drove home late. I hit a possum driving home. I’m glad it wasn’t a deer. Here’s another little tidbit of information. Possums have nasty, gnarly teeth and they can actually puncture a tire if you run over them. So, there are my PSA’s for the day…get your skin checked and don’t run over possums.
\nGosh…I live an exciting life, don’t I? (Note to self: get out more!) ❤️
\n“The righteous care for the needs of their animals…”\nProverbs 12:10 NIV
\n", "date_published": "2017-01-26T02:55:43-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/01/26/blue-skiessmilin-at-me.html", "tags": ["Family","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/01/25/outside-is-free.html", "title": "OUTSIDE IS FREE", "content_html": "![\"Meme.](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/4e31e8d485.jpg\")
\nAs I plug along and copy the content from my blog here on Facebook and move it to my new website, I try to work from both ends of the spectrum. I work on new stuff for a while, then I work on the older, early writings. I have to do it this way as the early stuff is so painful…most of the time. Right now, I’m in the midst of the first spring/summer after losing Mr. Virgo. I have purchased Little TOW-Wanda and I’ve been out on The Grand Adventure for quite some time. I am enjoying looking back at the pictures of all the beautiful places I visited. So much of that year is a blur to me. The brain fog of grief had me pretty firmly in its grip for the first year and seeing these photos, and reading the meager writing I was able to produce fills in some blanks and makes me long for getting out on the open road again…wind in my hair, tiara twinkling in the sunlight.
\nAs most of the nation struggles with snow and cold, we are still deluged with this incessant rain. Grey skies are gonna clear up…put on a happy face! Meh. I’m not feeling it. I have been plunked down in front of this computer for days and it is slow going. But every day is progress and I will reward myself with an outing to town today or tomorrow.
\nYesterday was the Angelversary of my mother’s death. I posted it on my personal page and received an outpouring of love from friends and family. I love that people remember her and tell stories about her. I love that they speak her name. One of the things I hear the most from my readers who are grieving is they wish people would say his name. Talk about him, tell stories, remember. It normalizes grief. It acknowledges the fact that this wonderful person lived and we got to live with them. It keeps their memory alive. I appreciate that. I love it when someone tells me a funny mom story or Mr. Virgo story. My mom…I loved to make her laugh. And I had a talent for it. She lived a hard life and I took it upon myself to entertain her, boost her spirits, and make her laugh till she cried. Oh, I aggravated the heck out of her sometimes, too. That’s the nature of the mother-daughter relationship, is it not? But, her laughter was like sunshine to me and I would do whatever I could to bask in that glow.
\nI called her every Sunday night. Without fail. And I tried to visit her in West Virginia at least once a year. She came to Colorado a few times. I once lived in a very tiny house. Hubby #2 was in medical school and was on a rotation of work one night, sleep one night, study one night…on and on and on for nearly three years. For some reason…I didn’t see my mom during that time. There wasn’t room for visitors at my house and no money for a hotel or for a plane ticket home. So, I just didn’t see her. I made excuses. I put her off. I hate that I did that. I’ll never forget when I did finally make it home for a visit, her hair had gone completely white! I was convinced it was all my fault. Silly, that…but still. I can’t imagine not seeing my girls for nearly three years. It had to have been difficult for her. I tried to make up for it in her last years. I think I probably did. She was a very forgiving soul when it came to me. Not that I deserved it. But a mother’s love, you know.
\nI’m going on an adventure in a few days. Are you ready to travel with me? Get your sunscreen and your flip-flops out…there’s sand, sun, and surf coming your way soon! Wahoo!!! ❤️
\n“"‘Honor your father and your mother, as the Lord your God commanded you, that your days may be long, and that it may go well with you in the land that the Lord your God is giving you.”\nDeuteronomy 5:16 ESV
\n", "date_published": "2017-01-25T02:55:29-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/01/25/outside-is-free.html", "tags": ["Travel","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Positive Energy","Fun"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/01/24/a-prayer-for-anna.html", "title": "A PRAYER FOR ANNA", "content_html": "![\"A](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/c1cf6f4de6.jpg\")
\nI hadn’t seen Anna since high school. She had never been to a reunion and frankly, she was nervous. What if no one remembered her? What if she didn’t remember anyone else? What if the dress she picked out is too dressy? What if it’s not dressy enough? Or too hot/cold/itchy….you get the idea. Anna was scared. I don’t blame her. I’ve been there…we all have. She changed her clothes three times the first night. Finally I said…“Please…sit. You’re beautiful. Relax.” She gave me a smile and seemed to settle back and get into the groove of the evening.
\nI didn’t really know Anna. Oh, we had a couple of classes together. But, she was athletic and popular. We didn’t run in the same circles. But we became Facebook friends a few years ago so I felt like I knew her. We sure had fun at the class reunion though. We laughed and had our pictures taken together like we’d been best buds since first grade. That’s the nature of reunions. At least it is in my class. We all just seem to love each other. We’re family.
\nAnna did what we all do at reunions. She told us about her kids and her grandkids. She had this HUGE mama-honkin’ ring on and I (being the grand poobah of sparkly things) asked her about it. She told me she got it for her 40th anniversary. I found out over the weekend that they almost made it to the 42nd. Anna lost her husband Sunday to a sudden heart attack. It breaks my heart for her. I know where she is. I know what’s happening to her. I know she’s going to remember all the times she talked about her husband and will remember any slight. She’s going to recall every conversation where she might not have been as patient as she could have. She’ll remember every argument and wish she could take it back. She will worry. “Did she tell him she loved him the last time they talked?”
\nEventually, she will strain to remember the exact timbre of his voice. Did he call her Baby Doll or Doll Baby? She won’t be quite sure what he gave her for Christmas a couple years ago. She’ll panic. She’ll worry more. “Am I forgetting him?” The time between these two extremes is highly variable and depends on the individual.
\nI wish I could take it all away, this pain we feel when we lose the one who brings light into our hearts and stars into our eyes. But I cannot…it is the price of loving so hard. The deeper the love…the deeper the grief. So, instead…I will share these thoughts for Anna…and for all who have recently suffered a fresh loss.
\nMay you find some peace in the coming days.\nMay you remember only the beauty of your true, long lasting love.\nMay you see your loved one in the faces of your beautiful family.\nMay you feel his presence on the wind and in the raindrops.\nMay God ease your heart enough to give you some rest.\nMay you find the strength to do all that you need to do in the coming days.\nMay you find the courage to face all the things that will come your way in the coming weeks and months.\nMay you be brave enough to reach out to those who hold a hand out to you in your time of loss.\nAnd, when it is your time, may you reach back and mentor another woman through her loss. Because, in that, you will find purpose in your pain. ❤️
\n“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”\nPsalms 147:3 ESV
\n", "date_published": "2017-01-24T02:55:38-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/01/24/a-prayer-for-anna.html", "tags": ["Grief","Prayer","Hope"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/01/23/monday-morning-motivation.html", "title": "MONDAY MORNING MOTIVATION", "content_html": "![\"Sunrise](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/b0791d9709.jpg\")
\nI’ve been reading posts lately about feeling stuck. I remember in my own grief journey, especially the first year or two, there were so many times I felt complete frozen. It was hard to get up and get out of bed, let alone do anything meaningful. There were long stretches where I wondered if I would actually make it. I was filled with despair. It’s always worse in winter. As I am sitting here, the rain is pounding on the tin roof of this farmhouse. At least it isn’t snow. Long dark nights and short grey days have a way of making even the sunniest disposition go sour.
\nI got an Amazon Echo for Christmas. I love it because I can “talk” to Alexa and she “answers” me back. Yesterday, I asked her what the 7-day forecast was and she kept looking for adjectives. Finally she said Friday was going to be “dreary”. It’s pretty bad when your computerized companion describes the coming day as dreary. That does it! I’m heading for some sun, sand, and surf…soon. Like…really soon!
\nHow do you start moving when things get stagnant and you get stuck? It’s OK to mattress surf for a day. I always drew the line and refused to allow myself two days of that. I went through a severe clinical depression in the ’90s…I’m not going there again. But, what do you do? How do you get motivated to get up and move. I had one goal every day. I figured if I did just one positive thing every day it meant I was moving forward, no matter how tiny the baby steps were. My goal every day was to clean my kitchen sink. I know. Not much of a goal, is it? Here’s what happened, though. I scrubbed that kitchen sink till it shined. And once the sink was shiny, my heart lifted a little. Then, a cup of tea sounded nice. Then, there was a magazine on the table that had pretty pictures of spring decorating and flowers. I always kept sunny magazines laying around the house and in my car. Those magazines helped me tremendously as I could escape into their glossy pages for a little bit when things felt overwhelming. You don’t have to read a lot…just flip through and escape.
\nSometimes my days were spent getting through every hour…a minute at a time. But every hour put me another hour ahead, another hour forward. You don’t have to make BIG progress every day. Just make SOME progress every day. Little tiny baby steps are still steps. Some days will feel like you took two steps forward and three steps back. As a matter of fact…you’ll have a lot of those days. Just remember…you took those TWO STEPS. That’s something. That’s forward movement. Don’t discount that, dear ones. Stand up and move. Make the choice to live…REALLY live. You can do this. You’re still here. Let me repeat that. You…are…still…here! Good for you! ❤️
\n“I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.”\nPhilippians 3:14 ESV
\n\n", "date_published": "2017-01-23T02:55:12-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/01/23/monday-morning-motivation.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/01/22/kimberly-paul-talks-about-the.html", "title": "KIMBERLY PAUL TALKS ABOUT THE ELEPHANT", "content_html": "
![\"Kimberly](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/ade0079d06.jpg\")
\nI have way too much experience with ignoring the elephant in the room….specifically in my second marriage that went on for probably at least seven years longer than it should have. We ignored the elephant. We put a doily on it and called it a table. I dusted it occasionally, failing to see how it was truly crowding me out of the room. Ignoring the elephant doesn’t just occur during times of marital strife. It can happen when we are enabling a substance abuser. Or when we ignore cues from our bodies until it’s too late. But, probably one of the biggest, and most important elephants to talk about is death.
\nWe don’t like to talk about death. It makes us decidedly uncomfortable. It’s too close to home. It’s too real. It’s too sad. Kimberly Paul shows us how to start the conversation. She strips the doilies and the dust bunnies away from the great big elephant of death and shows us how to take some control in an otherwise bleak and uncertain time of our lives and the lives of those we love.
\nKimberly has a story. We all do. Hers has her sweet fiancé who discovered melanoma…too late. Hospice was a Godsend for them as they navigated a painful journey toward the end of her fiancé’s life. At some point in her grief process, she saw an ad in the paper for a Volunteer Coordinator for a local hospice. She thought she was going in to volunteer but quickly found they needed someone full time. Eventually, she was moved to marketing director for Lower Cape Fear Hospice. Her experience as a screenwriter for Saturday Night Live and Dawson’s Creek, among others, gave Kimberly skills in communication and helped her have difficult conversations with hundreds of Hospice patients. She gave a TED-X talk on the subject. And she felt a calling. She wanted to write a book. She wanted to start a conversation. She wanted more people to talk about the elephant and make dying the topic it deserves to be…an opportunity to live well in your last years. This isn’t necessarily Kavorkian. We design other parts of our lives…education, marriage, family, careers, retirement…why not death? The next logical step for this compassionate, forward-thinking woman was a podcast series and “Death by Design” was born.
\nI received a private message from Kimberly in November asking if she could interview me for the Death by Design podcast. I was intrigued. I was thinking this could just be a long series of depressing narratives about a subject no one wants to talk about. Then I got on the phone with her and I got hooked into her frank, upbeat, intelligent approach to embracing our end. After all, it’s unavoidable…why not live our final years “by design”? My segment will be aired in early March. I’ll share a link when we get there. In the meantime, since we talk about death a lot here, I wanted to turn you on to Kimberly’s page at http://www.deathbydesign.com/so you can explore it on your own. Yesterday, there was some discussion here on The Ranch about someone’s husband that has cancer and he hasn’t made a will. I’m hoping listening to Kimberly will help them have the difficult conversation…even if it means you’re “bugging him”. ❤️
\n“Steadfast love and faithfulness meet; righteousness and peace kiss each other.”\nPsalms 85:10 ESV
\n", "date_published": "2017-01-22T02:55:25-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/01/22/kimberly-paul-talks-about-the.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Writing"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/01/21/comfort-comes-from-unlikely-sources.html", "title": "COMFORT COMES FROM UNLIKELY SOURCES", "content_html": "![\"Pug](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/0006663aa8.jpg\")
\nI have never been a good sleeper. It only got worse after Mr. Virgo died. I stayed up till all hours, avoiding going to bed because I had to go to bed alone. I’d play computer games all night and fall…exhausted…into bed near dawn only to awaken a couple of hours later. Good sleep hygiene didn’t come for quite some time. But, even when the acute stages of grief had passed, I just couldn’t sleep very well.
\nI had taken a prescription for years for a mild, non-addictive medication that aided sleep but not long after Mr. Virgo died, the medicine started making me jittery. I tried melatonin and it worked a little then it also began to have an empirical effect and kept me awake. I did sleep better once I got my little camper, TOW-Wanda. That worked great till I had to put her away for the winter and I was back to square one. It wasn’t till I sold the house, traded in little TOW-Wanda for TOW-Wanda Grande, that I accidently stumbled upon the solution to my sleep woes.
\nWhen I was outfitting my new camper to live in fulltime, I went into Bed, Bath, and Beyond looking for a comfortable throw for the sofa. This was right when those really, really soft throws were coming out. You know the ones…they kind of look like nubby shearling on one side and the other side feels…heavenly. Like velvet, only softer. I loved it. One night it was pretty cold and I threw the throw on top of the bed. As I snuggled down under the covers, the soft side of that blanket brushed against my cheek and something strange happened. It was almost primal…something deep within me felt such an incredible sense of comfort. I must have had a soft blanket as a child…most babies do. The feeling of that blanket put me to sleep in like…five minutes. I have never, ever in my entire life fallen asleep in five minutes. It always took hours…literally hours to fall asleep. I was in heaven! I could hardly wait to go to bed at night because I knew I’d get to sleep. It was crazy…but it worked.
\nI am faced with a bit of a problem when I travel. It’s a little difficult to take my “blanky” with me in a suitcase and it’s a bit bulky for the plane. The other day I was in Walmart and decided to check the baby section to see if they had small softies that would be more convenient to travel with and of course…they had a variety. I felt one after the other till I found the perfect one…a pink number that is 30"x40". Do I feel silly? Heck no! There are lots of things I’ve used for comfort since Mr. Virgo died. I had the fur coat he gave me turned into a throw for my bed. I think it’s fine to use items that belonged to your loved one for comfort, too. A reader told me the other day she had a pillow made from one of her husband’s shirts and sprays it with his cologne. I wore Mr. Virgo’s leather bomber jacket for a couple of years. I use to sleep in one of his shirts. I don’t need those things anymore but I still have them in case I want them in the future. This little soft blanket (and a drop of an essential oil blend for sleep on the bottom of each foot and my earlobes) is just the ticket for comfort and helps me drift off to sleep in minutes most nights.
\nWhat are your comforters? Do you have a bedtime ritual that helps you get to sleep? Do you wake up a lot and can’t get back to sleep? Let us know what works for you. We all can use a good night’s sleep! ![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/c2581c92af.jpg\")
![](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/0391363a78.jpg\")
\nI don’t know about you, but the first time someone referred to me as a “widow”, it truly ticked me off. I was outraged to be referred to as anything but who I knew myself to be…or, who I thought myself to be. A wife. Now, here was someone pushing me into a demographic I had no desire to be counted in. I hated it. I resisted it. And…finally, eventually…I accepted it. But on MY terms…not theirs. The term ‘widow" conjured up images of “sad”, “old”, “crazy”. And, while I did identify with those feelings, they weren’t WHO I was…who I wanted to be. As I am wont to do, I wanted to push the agenda and “get back to normal” as soon as possible. Little did I know at the time, there is no such thing…not after the devastating loss of someone you love more than your breath. And there’s certainly no hurrying it along.
\nI had to start embracing change, no matter how much I resisted. Everywhere I turned, change glared at me. There was no one on the other side of my bed. The other sink stayed clean. The toilet seat was always down. There were half the dishes, half the laundry, and way less than half the income. I had entered into the Twilight Zone of the “New Normal”…and I didn’t like it, not one little bit. I tried reading books about grief but I couldn’t relate to them…I couldn’t concentrate on them…I didn’t want to have anything to do with them because it meant I had to admit Mr. Virgo was gone and I wasn’t prepared to do that at the time.
\nIn the wee, dark hours of the fourth night without him…when I felt the most alone even though my daughter was in the bed beside me…it hit me. I was quite literally standing on the edge of a precipice. I did not want to breathe anymore. I did not want to feel anymore. And I certainly did not want to go to my husband’s funeral the next day. I cried out to God in my heart and begged Him to take me, too. “Please!” I begged. “Please bring me home so I can be with him!” God whispered into my heart. “No, my child…it is not your time.” I knew in that moment I was going to have to put something in front of me. Something to look forward to. Something that had the potential of bringing me joy. It was either that or I was done. And…I wasn’t done.
\nFor those of you who are relatively new here and may not know…a couple of weeks after the funeral, I bought a little camper and planned my escape. I needed space…to breathe, to cry, to scream, to mourn. As soon as the snow melted, I took off for a three month journey into the wilderness and backroads of Colorado…alone. It was there that I began to embrace the “New Normal”. “Normal” it is not. “Normal” is when things are the way they’ve always been. We want it all back. Just the other day, I was walking through a furniture store with a friend looking for…something. A comfortable chair, perhaps? A sofa for the farmhouse? I wasn’t sure what I was looking for. I rejected everything.
\nMy friend said, “Well, what IS it you want?” How could I describe it? I wanted all my old furniture back…the stuff I sold and gave away when I sold my house. For a moment, I wanted it all back more than I ever wanted anything in the world. I have made peace with the finality of death. I don’t wish Mr. Virgo back anymore because A) I would never want him to come back into this fallen world after experiencing the glory of heaven and B) it isn’t healthy for me to think that way. But the house, the furniture, the things I got rid of? The things we shared? The things that remind me of him? Yeah…sometimes, not often, but sometimes I wish them back. This new normal…isn’t.
\n“I want my old furniture.”, I said.
\nMy friend said, “I can’t help you with that.”
\nAnd that’s the truth. No one can help you with that. You either create a “New Normal” or you stay forever in what Christine Rasmussen refers to as “the waiting room”…the place you sit in till you decide to get up and make a life for yourself. There’s no timetable to go by…no expiration date on grief. This “New Normal” isn’t what we wanted, but it’s what we’ve got. I can either live it…or not. I can either create it…or not. I can be joyful in it…or not. I can embrace change…or not. My choice. ❤️
\n“See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.”\nIsaiah 43:19 NIV
\n", "date_published": "2017-01-18T03:00:30-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/01/18/when-the-new-normalisnt.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Hope"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/01/14/guilt.html", "title": "GUILT", "content_html": "![\"Meme](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/a2ac496108.jpg\")
\nAs I was working on the website yesterday, I had to edit an old post in such a way that it appeared on my recent timeline. It was unintentional, but I don’t believe it was an accident as it stirred up some emotions for readers that had never seen it. It was the post where I really explained that my husband died. It was the first time I dove that deep in the pool of grief so it was pretty raw.
\nA couple of people responded to my mention of feeling guilty and, since your responses to my posts are often where I find inspiration for the next day’s post, I think we’ll visit this difficult emotion a bit.
\nA little back story…Mr. Virgo and I met with our new family physician in December of 2012. It was just a get acquainted visit really…short history, vitals, and medication review, so we went in together. When the doctor read Mr. Virgo’s family history of cardiac disease and cancers, she suggested a thorough work up, to which Mr. Virgo replied with a resounding “Nope. Next.” No cardiac work up, no cancer screening, no x-rays, no labs. He was “far too busy” with ski season ramping up and his crew was too young and inexperienced to leave a hotel like the Ritz Carlton in their inexperienced hands. The doctor was perplexed but gave him his prescriptions, I’m sure hoping she could reason with him better the next time. Or maybe, hoping I could knock some sense in him.
\nSegue ahead four months and this wonderful man who brought such joy and light in my life died right in front of me of a heart attack suffered while we were picking out a travel trailer for retirement. He had been working really hard. He told me his job was “killing him”. He was stressed, working incredibly long hours, not eating right, and smoking like a chimney. He lost about thirty pounds in the four months leading up to his death, in part because he had major dental work and new dentures. I was legitimately concerned about him but any question or suggestion was met with a rather terse “Don’t doctor me.” So, I let it slide. Then he was gone.
\nThe guilt I felt was overwhelming. All the “what ifs” and “if onlys” haunted me every night. I forgot to tell the ER doctor he had taken Cialis that morning…something very important for an ER doctor to know in such circumstances due to possibly fatal drug interactions. What if that was it? Why didn’t I listen to him when he told me his job “was killing him”? Why didn’t I just agree and say it was ok to look for something closer to home? Well, for one reason…I knew there was nothing out there AND I knew we were both at an age when we couldn’t afford to go without health insurance for three months while we waited for benefits to kick in at a new job. Oh, I went round and round and round with this for months spending many sleepless nights working it like the worry beads of an old woman.
\nGuilt is a self-imposed emotion sometimes. I don’t mean that flippantly. I remember finally feeling some ease from the guilt when I kept mulling over what Hubby #2 (the doctor) said to me when I cried that I had killed my husband by not listening to him. He was kind enough to tell me, it wasn’t Mr. Virgo’s job or his hour plus drive to and from work every day that killed him. It was fifty years of hard core smoking, gallons of coffee, a meat-and-potatoes diet, and little to no aerobic exercise other than being on his feet 12-16 hours a day for forty years that killed him. Nothing more, nothing less. And I had absolutely no control over his genetics so feeling guilty was a waste of my most precious resource at the time…what little threads of my sanity I could manage to hang onto.
\nI am sure there are cases out there where something one did was a direct cause of their loved one’s death. Running a red light, perhaps. That is a possibility. But self-flagellation will not bring them back. And you need every bit of energy and strength you have to focus on getting you through your grief journey…especially during the critical first year or so. Be gentle with your sweet selves. Look at all the loving ways you supported your loved one while they were with you. Just remember the old adage about leading a horse to water. You cannot make them drink. And you cannot force another person to have medical tests done if they choose not to do them. Period. Think of that when you start rattling door knobs in the corridors of your 2:00 mind. ❤️
\n“Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.”\n1 Peter 5:7 NIV
\n", "date_published": "2017-01-14T03:00:18-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/01/14/guilt.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/01/12/upcoming-appearance.html", "title": "UPCOMING APPEARANCE", "content_html": "Tune in Wednesday as I am a guest on Dave Hawkins radio show! Looking forward to an interesting conversation about the physical ramifications of grief.
\nmotherearthworks.com/index.php…
\n", "date_published": "2017-01-12T11:00:27-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/01/12/upcoming-appearance.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Press"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/01/10/content.html", "title": "CONTENT!", "content_html": "![\"Laptop](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/4d07b39a4f.jpg\")
\nOk, double entendres taken into consideration, I am content on this beautiful, sunny day…sitting at the farm, writing. AND…I have been copying my posts from Marshmallow-Ranch-the-Facebook-page to Marshmallow-Ranch-the-web-page. This is the meat and bones of my work…what my media mentor, Janine Pettit of Girl Camper fame, points out is my most valuable online asset…Content! Content! Content!
\nI have been writing this blog for four years now. At least three and a half years of that saw a new essay every single day. That, my friends, is a BOATLOAD of content! Now, before you get too concerned…Marshmallow Ranch isn’t leaving Facebook…not entirely. But, it has been bothering me for quite some time when I think of the sheer volume of work I have floating out in the nether regions of the Internet that I really have no control over. In this day and age of Internet hacking, I don’t know what I would do if Facebook was suddenly wiped out and there was no record of all this writing! Out of sheer convenience, I have written every post directly to Facebook…no Word documents, no back up other than printing out about two and a half years worth of posts. It’s beginning to give me the willies, so I decided to do something about it…for a number of reasons.
\nFirst off, my initial impetus to create an independent web page came from my agent. She loves my book proposal. But, with the steady growth of social media, publishers look for your social media presence as an indicator of how big a ready-made audience you come to them with. How many books can you expect to sell just by the sheer numbers of followers you have on your blog, podcast, etc.? She told me about a fellow who had written an exceptional book but she couldn’t find a publisher because he “only” had 400,000 followers on his blog. 400,000? Oy! So, in all practicality…I either have to quit, which I am not about to do, or focus on expanding my social media presence. And, since Google does not catalog content from Facebook, I am creating and populating www.marshmallowranch.com in order to be found more easily in Internet searches.
\nThis whole endeavor was pounded home yesterday when I was copying content to populate the new blog. I was searching for my very first blog post on Marshmallow Ranch telling you all that Mr. Virgo had died. I was scanning back through the pages when I realized that would just take forever so I typed in the date I was looking for. Suddenly, everything disappeared except for that date! Just one post! OH. EM. GEEEE! I nearly fainted! I did everything I could think of to get it back and finally logged completely out of the system, logged back in, and (BIG heavy sigh)…there it was. All four years! That clinched it for me. I knew I had to double down my efforts and get this show on the road.
\nThere are a lot of irons in the fire for this year besides migrating content over. Ever since I did the first podcast with Janine, I have been smitten with the idea of having my own show. A year ago, she encouraged me to start and I wasn’t ready. I felt I’d best be writing the book. But, since my agent has encouraged me to build first, write second, I’ve been “given permission”, so to speak, to do something that really excites me. It’s still in the very raw thinking-it-through stage, but coming together. Another thing I’ve been approached to do is start a widow’s mentor group here in West Virginia. I am researching the Modern Widow’s Club as I like their format and have reached out to them to initiate conversation. Say a little prayer that this all works, if it is God’s will for me!
\nLike I said, the new website will not replace this Facebook page, but you may notice when you scroll back through the recent posts, only the first few sentences appear on the page with a link that says (Continue reading on my website at…). It will take you to my webpage. You can either leave a comment there or hit your back arrow to come back to the Facebook version of Marshmallow Ranch and like or comment. (Facebook algorithms LOVE audience participation…likes, comments, and shares are always much appreciated.) I feel somewhat awkward asking you to help me boost these numbers because, at the end of the day, the numbers aren’t the most important thing…YOU and the message are!
\nThere is an option to leave an e-mail address, through a link at the top of this page and on the new webpage. Please leave one for me, if you don’t mind. I promise I will never abuse the privilege…I will never sell your e-mail address or spam you. I would like to create a monthly newsletter with content that is not necessarily found on the blog. I will be interviewing other experts in the grief community. I will invite others to share their stories. I am developing this site so I can reach more people who grieve. The more people we reach, the more people we help, the more people are touched by what God puts on my heart to say. Your sharing helps this site grow. It’s the Prayer of Jabez in action…it “enlarges my territory”…my sphere of influence. I wanted to be perfectly candid and open with you and respectfully ask for your help.
\nPLEASE keep in mind, this is a very rough draft page…it’s going to be much more colorful and reflect who I am and what I’m all about. But you’ve got to start somewhere, right? I just wanted to give you all a heads up in case you’ve run across the links already. And, as always, I am forever grateful for your audience. I love what I do…and I love all of you! ❤️
\n“Jabez was more honorable than his brothers. His mother had named him Jabez, saying, “I gave birth to him in pain.” Jabez cried out to the God of Israel, “Oh, that you would bless me and enlarge my territory! Let your hand be with me, and keep me from harm so that I will be free from pain.” And God granted his request.”\n1 Chronicles 4:9-10 NIV
\n", "date_published": "2017-01-10T03:00:32-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/01/10/content.html", "tags": ["Grief","Positive Energy","Writing"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/01/06/until-we-meet-again.html", "title": "\"UNTIL WE MEET AGAIN\"", "content_html": "![\"Widow's](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/08e6691f1c.jpg\")
\n“Until We Meet Again”
\nI stumbled across this picture on Pinterest last night. A woman had her and her husband’s wedding bands repurposed into a necklace she could wear. The diamonds were from her engagement ring. I thought this was a lovely sentiment and wondered what those of you who are widowed might have done with your wedding rings.
\nI’m a member of several closed groups for widows. They are mostly involved with travel but some are just safe places where you can go and say things you would never say anywhere else. I remember belonging to one such group early after losing Mr. Virgo. I would often read through the posts in the middle of the night when I couldn’t sleep. Occasionally someone would come into the “chat room” looking for someone to talk to during a particularly bad night. One night, a woman came in and asked if there was anyone out there who could talk and I answered. We visited awhile and I became increasingly alarmed when she made statements like “I don’t want to do this anymore.” And “I just want to die so I can be with him.” I asked if there was someone I could call for her and did she need help. I asked if she had plans to hurt herself. She assured me she did not, but it was just such a struggle. She seemed to settle down and I eventually asked her how long it had been since her husband had died. By the way she sounded, and given my own personal experience, I figured maybe six to eight months. I was stunned when she said ten years! OMGosh! I surely didn’t want to feel like this for ten years!!! That’s when I really realized what an individual journey grief is. No…we each experience it quite differently.
\nA few months after Mr. Virgo died, one of my friends asked me and several of my closest friends over for a girls weekend. We got in our jammies as soon as we arrived and we brought our needlework projects with us. It reminded me of the days when we were new moms and we’d gather for Wednesday morning “Stitch ’n B****” complete with coffee and pastries. When things got rough, there were mimosas. There were lots of tears and plenty of laughter that weekend as my tribe encircled me with their love. My friend, Judy, gave me a small petit point box and said “One of these days, you may want to take off your wedding ring and store it with his. Here’s a little box I bought in Europe. It will be the perfect size.” I held the box to my chest and sobbed because I hadn’t even thought of not wearing my ring. I couldn’t imagine it. But, there came a day. I can’t tell you when or what happened. I just knew the time had come to tuck my ring in with Mr. Virgo’s. I actually went to a jeweler to have a necklace made from them, but our rings were so big and heavy, he said it would be no time till it would wear through and break the chain and I’d run the risk of losing them. I didn’t have the heart to melt them into something unrecognizable, so they have sat in the petit point box, inside a red leather box, for about three years now.
\nMaybe someday I’ll do something with my rings. What have you done with yours? Have you had anything made? Have you heard of any really cool ideas? Feel free to share. My settings don’t allow photos, but if you’d like to send some in a private message, I’ll see if I can create a little album with your photos. With Valentine’s Day coming up, it might be a wonderful way to memorialize you loved one and what you meant to one another. ❤️
\n“Now when Jesus saw the crowds, he went up on a mountainside and sat down. His disciples came to him, and he began to teach them. He said: “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.”\nMatthew 5:1-3 NIV
\n", "date_published": "2017-01-06T03:00:44-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/01/06/until-we-meet-again.html", "tags": ["Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/01/03/happy-birthday-ranchers.html", "title": "HAPPY BIRTHDAY, RANCHERS!", "content_html": "![\"Cup](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/16181618ac.jpg\")
\nFor someone as big a tech-head as me, I am absolutely stunned sometimes by new developments in technology. A week ago, I sat for twelve hours working on my new website with my uber talented son-in-law. At the end of that marathon, he asked me if I write my posts on Word first then transfer them. I shook my head. He said, with a questioning look on his face…“You write them directly on Facebook? On your laptop?” I shook my head again…and held up my cellphone. My iPhone 6 Plus, to be exact. His jaw dropped. “You write 1,000 word essays…on a cellphone?!?!” I laughed. In my defense, after writing an essay every single day for the last four years, I’ve gotten really fast with that right index finger and I hunt and peck my way through a 1x2 inch touchscreen “keyboard”. Still…he shook his head and said…“Stay right here. This is going to blow your mind!” Then he went downstairs.
\nA few minutes later, this brilliant man that my older daughter had the good sense to marry, came back upstairs and handed me something straight from computer heaven! A tiny, folding, portable, bluetooth keyboard that wasn’t much bigger than the cellphone itself. I was flabbergasted! Why have I not been made privy to such a wondrous invention??? After turning it over and over in my hands, folding and unfolding, I asked…“Where do I get such a miraculous gadget???” He smiled and said that word that thrills all technogeeks…“Amazon!” I immediately pulled said site up on said phone and purchased said item with PayPal. Didn’t even have to get my wallet out! Oh, how I love technology!!!
\nSo, now…I’ll be typing my posts on this little gizmo in a quarter of the time, leaving me an extra forty-five minutes every day to do something else. That’s an extra 1.629464285714286 days!!! Wow!
\nToday is Marshmallow Ranch’s 4th Birthday. Four years ago, I started this page as a way to promote jewelry I was making from antique silverware and maps in my art studio I had cleverly named…Marshmallow Ranch. At the time, it was nothing more than a spare room upstairs in my house in the Rocky Mountains. Three months later, Mr. Virgo died and this project grew out of my desperation to have someone to talk to about this horrible grief journey I was on. I knew I couldn’t be the only one on this path so I reached out. There were less than 400 “Ranchers” at that time. And now…look at us! I am very proud of this wonderfully supportive group of fellow travelers and look forward to many more years of sharing as we navigate this thing called grief…one campfire at a time. ❤️
\n“For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.”\nEphesians 2:10 NIV
\n", "date_published": "2017-01-03T03:00:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/01/03/happy-birthday-ranchers.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Positive Energy","Holiday"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/12/31/auld-lang-syne.html", "title": "AULD LANG SYNE", "content_html": "![\"A](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/ff7e2d6bf9.jpg\")
\nWell, here it is…the last day of 2016. I didn’t think this year would ever end. It’s been a real mixed bag as far as current events. We lost a number of celebrities we were most familiar with…most all too soon. We went through one of the ugliest political seasons in memory. Weather was unpredictable and natural disasters occurred with far greater frequency than in some years past. Worse than all that, we continue to lose our military and service workers as well as world citizens whose only crime is that they live and breathe in the “wrong” place and time. All this and more brings us down and it has been extremely difficult for many to get through.
\nEvery year, I begin with a new word for the year. Something to hold onto…something to strive for and embrace in an effort to bring into my life and the world in general a positive influence…a higher vibe…in a effort to improve the planet and its inhabitants. This year’s word has been “thrive”. I decided at the end of last year, to nearly “survive” was not nearly good enough and I had to work toward thriving. And I feel I have accomplished that.
\nI began a new ritual at the beginning of the year. I read, and started praying, the Prayer of Jabez…daily. Within two weeks, I was interviewed and photographed for an article in the New York Times’ finance section on widowhood and retirement. I was subsequently invited to submit a proposal to speak at the International Conference on Positive Aging in Washington, DC. That invitation spurred me to make a drastic lifestyle change and I lost forty-one pounds and increased my activity level…getting outside to play and making new friends in the process. In March, I was interviewed and appeared in a story on Fox News about changing the face of people who live in their campers full time. I was also interviewed for a podcast episode of Girl Camper. In April, I was approached by Italia Gandolfo of Gandolfo, Hilen, and Fountain Literary Management Company and offered a contract to write a book. I was selected for the Positive Aging Conference and spoke in August. I was approached by a former screenwriter for Saturday Night Live and Dawson’s Creek to give an interview for her new podcast which will begin broadcasting in January. I was interviewed again for the Girl Camper podcast. In addition, I spoke to several groups over the course of the year as well as made some wonderful connections for future speaking engagements. I am being interviewed for a radio show in a couple of weeks. I am building an independent website (with the expert guidance of my brilliant son-in-law.)
\nSo, for all intents and purposes, I would have to say unequivocally…this has been my year to thrive. While it certainly has been busy, I haven’t “busied” my way out of dealing with my grief. As time and hard work has eased the weight of my grief, I have begun to move past a lot of the most difficult parts and deal with the waves with a strength only swimming at the deep end could have given me. I have ventured out socially and reaped the rewards of new friendships. My loss no longer defines my life. It is a deep scar that I carry with me always yet it doesn’t occupy my every thought. It is an unfortunate part of my story yet it isn’t the WHOLE story.
\nAs we bid adieu to the old and ring in the new, please accept my sincere thanks for being a part of my life this year. Your presence here on The Ranch has helped me more than you could ever know. And let me be the first to wish you a very Happy New Year! Here’s to a new year filled with good things. If we cannot find them…may we create them and color our lives with “rich and royal hues”! ❤️
\n“I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.”\nRomans 8:18 NIV
\n", "date_published": "2016-12-31T03:00:50-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/12/31/auld-lang-syne.html", "tags": ["Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Positive Energy"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/12/28/heading-home.html", "title": "HEADING HOME", "content_html": "![\"Favorite](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/d95e4c32ba.jpg\")
\nWhere is “home” for you? Even when I lived in Colorado for forty years, when people asked me where home was, I’d say West Virginia. Yet, home is where my heart is. When I am in the loving embrace of my family, I am home. When I was with Mr. Virgo, I was home. Now my heart is in West Virginia so I’m heading home today. Home to the farm and the barn cats and my WV family and friends.
\nI spent yesterday afternoon with daughter #2. We laughed till we couldn’t breathe. It is really interesting how your relationship changes when your kids become adults. I love it! My flight leaves about the time you’re reading this and it will take me about eleven hours to get home…so, it’s going to be a really long day. Oh, how I love to travel! Prayers for travel mercies. ❤️
\n“The Lord will keep you from all harm— he will watch over your life; the Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore.”\nPsalm 121:7-8 NIV
\n", "date_published": "2016-12-28T03:00:32-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/12/28/heading-home.html", "tags": ["Family","Grief","Hope","Holiday"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/12/27/im-on-my-way.html", "title": "I'M ON MY WAY", "content_html": "![\"I](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/447bc33428.jpg\")
\nThere have been many times in my life when I felt lost. I spoke the words into the universe and it became so. I believed it. And…there have been times when I was truly lost. I had no sense of direction. I was depressed, hurt, angry, grief stricken. Like the first year after losing Mr. Virgo. “Lost” doesn’t begin to describe what I was going through. I was the walking dead. The second year was worse but only because I was awake and aware I was walking through fire. The third year has brought many awakenings and amazing discoveries.
\nI’ve made a new best friend. She’s kind and caring. She’s smart and capable. She’s funny and tender. She’s a little crazy, but in a really good way. She’s brave. She’s so very brave. She’s assertive but not aggressive. She’s flighty but still dependable if you don’t mind her flexible schedule and her personal interpretation of time. She’s fiercely loyal yet when she’s done, she’s done. She’s really creative and wants to learn new things. She’s not very patient. And she’s kinda stubborn. I met her on the top of a mountain in Colorado. She was sitting there, really quiet, like she had been waiting on me forever. She was SO excited when I saw her and introduced myself. I swear, she hasn’t stopped talking since. She has so much to tell me about herself that some days all I can do is listen. Her words tumble out in an animated cacophony of thoughts. I have to laugh at her some times because she interrupts me and forces me to pay attention, like my baby did when she was two. She pisses me off sometimes because she calls in the middle of the night and wakes me up with new ideas or maybe a worry or two. But, I love her. I love her more than I thought I ever could. I see her every day. Our shadows are identical. She’s that amazing woman I see in the mirror. She’s who I am becoming. I am not lost. I am on my way. ❤️
\n“For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.”\n1 Corinthians 13:12-13 NIV
\n", "date_published": "2016-12-27T03:00:23-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/12/27/im-on-my-way.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Positive Energy"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/12/24/the-gift-is-in-the.html", "title": "THE GIFT IS IN THE GIVING", "content_html": "![\"woman](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/4b27e49c98.jpg\")
\nI live in West Virginia most of the year. My grandchildren live in Colorado, so I needed to create a ritual for each one…something they could look forward to, and cherish the memories of, for years to come. When I’m visiting, I spend one full day with each doing just what they want to do. And, since the first sentence my twelve-year-old granddaughter uttered was “Shopping for shoes!”…she and I headed for the mall for our “Girl’s Day Out” yesterday. It was a beautiful outing, she got exactly what she wanted for Christmas, and we had several hours of quality time to re-establish bonds that are stretched by time and distance.
\nAs we left the mall and began the long drive home through traffic, we talked about how going into a large mall two days before Christmas is like chumming for sharks in a fish tank. You’re elbow-to-elbow with a zillion people, standing in lines that wrap around the stores, and the parking lot??? OMGosh! Everyone is jockeying for position to make their great escape and 4-way stops mean nothing to these people. You take your life in your hands…and for what? Stuff. Stuff they’ll outgrow. Stuff that will go out of style or they’ll rapidly grow tired of. I ruminated on this the entire drive home while my granddaughter snoozed with the exhaustion of mall-fatigue in the passenger seat.
\nI had to stop by my daughter’s house for a swim bag then drop my granddaughter off at swim practice before heading to the grocery store. Suddenly…I felt Mr. Virgo’s love, specifically his love of Christmas, in the car with me. It took my breath away and then I felt that now-familiar, soothing “voice” of the Holy Spirit say, “Turn here.” I was dead-even with Walmart so I immediately turned in. I’ve learned to listen. I drove up and down the rows looking for a parking spot, waiting for the next whispered direction. This time it didn’t come in words but a little mini-movie. I smiled as my mission was revealed. I was feeling buoyant…a bubbly sense of love, good cheer, and Christmas spirit…the Spirit of Giving instead of the vapid extravaganza that played out in the mall earlier.
\nI walked into the store and went straight to the Christmas cards and searched for the perfect one then headed to customer service. I asked if I could anonymously pay for someone’s lay-away. They informed me they “called in” the layaways a week earlier. If they weren’t paid off, the merchandise went back out on the floor. She started to go ask someone about what to do, when the mini-movie started up again and I said, “No…please don’t bother. I’m supposed to do it another way.” I headed over to the ATM and withdrew some cash. Not a lot. Not enough to hurt my budget. But enough to make a difference in someone’s holiday.
\nThe card was perfect…a pop-up card with gifts that said, “Surprise!” when you opened it. I tucked the bills in the folds of the popup and sealed the envelope. Then I wrote on the front of the card. I wrote about Mr. Virgo dying four years ago and how much he loved Christmas. I told them I had asked Santa that first Christmas to give me a new heart because mine was broken. Then I told them it’s been four years and I have my new heart now. I told them I know how times are tough these days but there is a loving God that gave His only Son for us and while I couldn’t give so grand a gift, I could give them this small token and that I wished them a Merry Christmas. I signed it “Your Special Santa”. Then I said a prayer and I asked God to show me who needed this gift.
\nI wandered through the store till I was drawn to a young couple looking through the toy aisles…picking something up…putting it back. Obviously they were calculating fun factor vs. cost. They were not dressed well. They looked like they worked hard for everything they had and it wasn’t much. I tried not to be too obvious. I didn’t want them to think I was stalking them. I really wanted the woman to walk away from her cart so I could drop the card on her purse but, of course, she didn’t leave her belongings unattended. Finally, I got the push I was waiting for. I walked up to them and said to the young woman, “Excuse me…I think this is yours.” She said, “Mine?” I hugged her and said, “Merry Christmas.” and walked out of the store. It felt SO good. It made me cry. I am so blessed. That was my gift to myself this year.
\nTonight is the first light of Hanukkah and Christmas Eve. Some celebrate the Festival of Lights by giving small gifts every night for eight nights. And, some celebrate the birth of Jesus. He came in a stall, born amongst livestock, and laid in a manger. What if…. What if the innkeeper didn’t really shun them? What if the inn really WAS full and there was no room to offer the expectant parents? What if the inn keeper apologized and offered them the next best thing…a quiet, safe, warm place for Mary to bring the Christ Child into the world? He was born in a lowly place…he died in the most tortuous way, but the Gift was in the Giving.
\nI quickly walked away from the young couple who a few moments before had been trying to balance a meager budget to stretch over the holidays. I wish I could have seen their faces but I didn’t look back. That wasn’t part of my gift. Tears stung my eyes as I felt how proud Mr. Virgo was…that he was remembered in just such a way. I think I walked a little taller to my car. Such…Joy!
\nHappy Holidays! Merry Christmas! Happy Hanukkah! Joyous Kwanza!
\nMay you and yours find Peace in this Season of Giving!
\nLove…\nGinny ❤️
\n“Whoever is kind to the poor lends to the Lord, and he will reward them for what they have done.”\nProverbs 19:17 NIV
\n", "date_published": "2016-12-24T03:00:12-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/12/24/the-gift-is-in-the.html", "tags": ["Grief","Positive Energy","Holiday"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/12/23/santas-gift.html", "title": "SANTA'S GIFT", "content_html": "![\"woman](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/5f1f42e6ea.jpg\")
\nThis is my fourth Christmas without Mr. Virgo. I first told this story just nine months after he died while we were looking at a travel trailer to take us into retirement. This has been my most widely shared story ever. It is a story of love and loss and hope. I’m posting it again today. Feel free to share it with others who may be feeling the sting of loss on their first (or second or fifth or…any) holiday without their loved one.
\n“It was a bitter cold December day in Colorado. I’d been a widow for just nine months. I knew I was isolating myself in an attempt to…what? Ease the pain? Hide the pain from others? Sleep through it? Probably all of the above. I had found the Sisters. I had been on two trips and the Christmas Party. That helped more than I could have imagined. But…the long, dark days of winter came and TOW-Wanda went to live in a locked storage area by the airport and my only escape from this huge sense of loss was to crawl under the covers. I couldn’t run away and play with my friends. And, let’s face it…while we can heal in the company of our comrades in tutus, there comes a time when we have to face our greatest challenges alone. And here I was…at the edge of a real depression. I’d been there before. It was a place I didn’t care to visit again. I had to do something. I had to make myself move.
\nI knew I needed to be around people and get back into the world a little bit. After all, you can’t mattress surf forever. I had lived in a small community on the western slope of Colorado since 1986. I knew there was a good chance I would run into people I knew…supportive, loving people…and I needed hugs. I forced myself out of bed and dressed. I wore Mr. Virgo’s leather bomber jacket…for warmth…for comfort. I drove to town and stopped at all my favorite shops to talk and hug…sometimes laughing, sometimes crying. I decided to stop at the mall on the way home. I often did anything I could to avoid going home to that empty house.
\nThe mall was crowded with last minute shoppers. I parked on the outskirts of the lot and slogged through the slushy, dirty snow. The grey surroundings matched my mood. I started at the Penney’s end and worked my way down. I saw a friend who knew of my loss and offered me hugs and encouragement. I saw a friend who hadn’t heard and I had to tell her. That was always harder because I had to share THEIR loss as well as feel my own. I wandered through shops, totally disinterested in a holiday that had meant so much to my husband and me. It didn’t mean much with him gone.
\nI finally made my way to the other end where Santa was stationed. I stood to the side and watched as three fresh-faced children looked up in awe at this man in red with the snowy white beard…their faces aglow with wonder. I stood for the longest time, unaware the tears were dripping off my chin. The children finally finished telling Santa their wishes and were given a candy cane as they returned to their proud parents, happily chattering away. I was bereft. I saw nothing but this gaping chasm that had once held my beloved. There was a hole in my heart that I felt would never heal.
\nSuddenly, I noticed Santa watching me. He tipped his head slightly as he studied me. He was having an internal conversation with himself as he watched this strange woman crying nearby. A moment later, his mind seemingly made up, he scooched to the side of his big velvet chair and patted the seat beside him. I looked to the left and to the right. No one but me. I took a deep breath, walked up to the jolly old elf and sat beside him. Neither of us spoke. My shoulders shook with sobs as I tried to contain myself. Santa rested his arm around my shoulder. When I could finally speak, I leaned towards him and whispered. He leaned in closer in order to hear me.
\n“I lost my husband. I need a new heart.”
\nSanta drew me closer and whispered back, “I’m so sorry.”
\nI continued to weep for only a minute or so and, as is the nature of grief, the moment passed and I soon regained control. I apologized and said I must be a total mess to which he kindly replied, “No…you’re perfect.”
\n“Will you have your picture taken with me?” Santa asked.
\nI turned into a wistful child and said, “Can I?”
\nThe elf snapped our photo and when I reached for my wallet to pay, Santa said, “No, this one’s on me.” I smiled and thanked him.
\nAs I rose to leave, Santa leaned in and whispered, “Thank you for stopping to see me today.”
\n“Thank you for being real!” I whispered back.
\nThat first Christmas was the worst, as the firsts after such a great loss often are. Many of us struggle with the holidays, for whatever reason. “Getting Bolder” isn’t always easy when you’d rather hide under the covers or run away from your problems than to face them head on…especially when Jingle Bells is doing anything but making you feel jolly. I found great strength in a kind man who wore a red suit and offered the simplest of human emotions. Love.” ❤️
\n“For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.”\nIsaiah 9:6 NIV
\n", "date_published": "2016-12-23T03:00:18-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/12/23/santas-gift.html", "tags": ["Grief","Holiday"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/12/22/good-energy-is-contageous.html", "title": "GOOD ENERGY IS CONTAGEOUS", "content_html": "![\"good](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/7b1ba7ed76.jpg\")
\nI met a young couple at the hot springs a couple weeks ago. There are several pools and I hopped in the first one I came to as it was so cold coming out of the locker room. As I am wont to do, I struck up a conversation and within moments, the young man remarked on my energy. He said there was a certain “light” about me that radiated. I replied that it didn’t come from me…it was God within that shined through me. I only have two jobs…love God and love people. If I do those two things, everything else pretty much works itself out. And, if I’m doing those two things correctly, it shows.
\nI was so impressed by these young people, I felt compelled to exchange contact information and within a day or two, received a text from my new friend, Hailey Nicole, asking if I’d like to get together before I head back to West Virginia. We agreed to meet for lunch. I met her at PF Chang’s yesterday. Hailey has an interesting story. She had a brain stem stroke a few years ago when she lived in London. Her heart stopped. Her breathing stopped. She woke up from a coma after a week with her mother by her side. She had visual disturbances and the entire left side was affected. Thankfully, the plasticity of the brain allowed her to heal and you would be hard pressed to know she had a stroke by looking at her.
\nHaley was different though. She had trouble with words. She forgot them. She mixed them up. And if she looks at numbers, such as a price, she only sees the last two. That’s ok if something is $99. It’s a whole different ball of wax if it’s $999. So she has to look, then look again before she buys something online. She had a tendency to run late. It took her forever to do things. She nicknamed this new persona…Agnes. In her efforts to diffuse a scary situation, she told people a crazed old woman named Agnes had moved into her body. She was confused and embarrassed. Once she had improved as much as she was likely to, she realized she needed to learn how to live with this alter ego she had created. Thus, her blog Embracing Agnes was born. (https://www.facebook.com/Embracing-Agnes-274409786025148/) she had only written a handful of blog posts when life got in the way. But after visiting with me at the pool, she felt compelled to start writing again.
\nYou never know when your light is going to affect another person. When I posted the link to the Girl Camper Podcast the other day, I alerted my friend Diane Smith and told her she and our friend, Jan Hodson, played a big roll. She shared the podcast with her family and friends with the same sentiment….you never know who you might impact with the light of God shining through you. The third piece of this puzzle was connecting Haley with Kimberly Paul, the gal who interviewed me for her new podcast that debuts next month. I felt Haley’s story would be perfect for Kimberly’s show.
\nSynchronicity. I love how things fit together. I love how I’m drawn to be in the right place at the right time. I’m just part of the wind. ❤️
\n“In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.”\nMatthew 5:16 NIV
\n", "date_published": "2016-12-22T03:00:01-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/12/22/good-energy-is-contageous.html", "tags": ["Grief","Sisters on the Fly","Positive Energy","Girl Camper"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/12/18/countdown-to-christmas.html", "title": "COUNTDOWN TO CHRISTMAS", "content_html": "![\"Snow](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/91021d858b.jpg\")
\nOne more week till Christmas. Where on earth did 2016 go??? My granddaughter had a swim meet yesterday and afterwards I went to the mall. I was hard pressed to find a parking spot. First off, we got about 10" of snow overnight and the temperature was hovering at 0 when I left for the swim meet. It didn’t warm up out of single digits all day yesterday! I walked around the mall for hours, mostly people watching and getting some much needed exercise. My phone came alive with texts from friends all over the country. It was fun to catch up with so many people.
\nAll this snow reminded me of the first snowstorm after Mr. Virgo died. I had worked a sixteen hour day. When I left the office it started snowing and by the time I got home there was eighteen inches of snow in my driveway. I had a snow shovel with only one name on it…mine! I got out in the cold and the wind froze me through. I shoveled and shoveled and shoveled some more. And the more I shoveled, the angrier I got. I shoveled enough to get my car in the garage and went inside. As I walked through the bedroom, I noticed the picture of Mr. Virgo and his dad on the highboy and I stopped to give him a piece of my mind. After all…he had a lot of nerve up and dying on me and leaving me with all that mess to take care of on my own. I was not a happy camper and had some apologizing to do to God for all the swearing that went on.
\nThings are different now. First, I sold my house so I don’t have to shovel. Second, it doesn’t snow much in West Virginia. And third, I don’t shovel…period. I cant remember the last time I got angry at Mr. Virgo for dying. He would have loved my daughter’s graduation on Friday. He would have loved this snow. He loved winter. I know I miss him or I wouldn’t have cried so readily…so hard at the cemetery last week. It’s just different now. It’s my “new normal”. And while it isn’t the normal I predicted…or wanted…it is my normal now.
\nI can tell you one thing…I did not feel like slapping all the happy people at the mall yesterday. There was a time not all that long ago when that would have seemed perfectly logical. Progress is being made. Healing is being done. For that, I am grateful! ❤️
\n“Heal me, Lord, and I will be healed; save me and I will be saved, for you are the one I praise.”\nJeremiah 17:14 NIV
\n", "date_published": "2016-12-18T03:00:12-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/12/18/countdown-to-christmas.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Holiday"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/12/16/memory-lane.html", "title": "MEMORY LANE", "content_html": "![\"Rivers](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/19067257bd.jpg\")
\nThe first time I came to this restaurant was in 1986 when Hubby #2 was being interviewed to join the local medical practice as an internist. It was my first “doctor’s wife” experience…a role I never really fit into very well. I was very nervous and I’m sure I spent most of the night chattering away while wringing my hands under the table. Things went well though and we soon moved to this adorable mountain town the Rand McNally Atlas voted as the “Most Fun Town in America” two years running…Glenwood Springs.
\nPenelope’s became Rivers Restaurant at some point and was a favorite Friday evening hot spot till our second child came along and we didn’t get out as much. Then, many years later when Mr. Virgo and I got married, we had our wedding here. We were married out on the balcony on a beautiful spring day nestled between snow storms. We had a brunch reception with a number of wonderful food choices, champagne, and a divine carrot cake generously provided by the Hotel Jerome in Aspen where Mr. Virgo was working. It was truly a beautiful day full of love.
\nI was supposed to go back to Denver Wednesday but the snow did not cooperate and I ended up staying one more night. I’ve only been in this restaurant once since Mr. Virgo died. It was on a date that turned into a disaster when I was seated facing the very table Mr. Virgo and I sat at our reception. The only thing I could do was stare at that table. When my “date” asked what was wrong, I told him and he blew right over it with, “It’s a beautiful place, isn’t it?” Yeah…no more dates with Mr. Sensitivity there. No more dates actually for a long, long time.
\nSince I stayed over an extra night, I visited with my brother for a while and was headed to my “surrogate parents” to spend the night and was driving by here. It’s been almost ten years since we danced on the parquet floor over there to the left. Our wedding cake was served on the table where the Christmas tree is. We sat at the table to the right in front of the windows. I can sit here now and remember where each guest sat. I remember waiting in the ladies room for the guests to be seated so Mr. Virgo wouldn’t see my dress. I remember the minutes ticking past the appointed hour, cracking the door open, and saying, in a loud stage whisper, “Let’s get this show on the road! I want to get married!!!” I remember hearing Mr. Virgo laugh when he heard me from the front porch where he was waiting as well. I can remember dancing to “At Last” by Etta James…the only time Mr. Virgo ever danced with me. I remember the champagne toasts and what each person said. Good memories. Warm memories. Poignant memories. But not sad memories anymore. Just really great sesame ahi tuna steak with mango ponzu sauce, warm beet salad, garlic mashed potatoes with horseradish sauce, and a medley of steamed vegetables. Served with a side of love. Always love. Nothing but love. ❤️
\n“But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart.”\nLuke 2:19 NIV
\n", "date_published": "2016-12-16T03:00:42-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/12/16/memory-lane.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Holiday"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/12/13/all-the-trimmings.html", "title": "ALL THE TRIMMINGS", "content_html": "![\"Ne'Qua](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/62ca5aa71d.jpg\")
![\"Spider](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/9ca46639d6.jpg\")
\nI’m in Denver visiting family for Christmas. I ran errands yesterday and spent a good deal of time sitting in traffic. That’s something I’m definitely not used to. But, sitting in the car always gives me time to think. I had visited my former coworkers and a family member in the hospital. Then I ran to the mall to get a Christmas gift. As I sat in traffic afterward, the song “When I’m Gone” by Joey and Rory came on the radio and my thoughts immediately turned to Mr. Virgo.
\nThe song speaks the pain of loss…the steps you go through…of the first day and first night and, eventually, the first smile of remembering that will eventually come. I was trying to remember that first night. I know my older daughter slept with me. Fortunately, time has smoothed the edges of that particularly difficult memory. I don’t feel, nor do I react, the same way now as I did in the early months after Mr. Virgo died. I do remember the pain in general. I remember feeling that awful ache that got in the way of breathing. I remember that hideous void that was left in my heart…a hole so huge it couldn’t possibly heal.
\nAs I sat there, waiting for the traffic to move, I realized that the grief process looks much like the gridlock I was sitting in. You’re forced to sit and wait, inching yourself forward in painfully slow fits and starts. Like a spiderweb, you build one step at a time, one string at a time, one block at a time till you start moving away from center…away from the most painful place. That center has been anchored at several points for strength, much like those who love you and wish to walk this path with you, no matter how painful. And we weave. We anchor. We gather the fresh morning dew for adornment…for sustenance…then we move on to the next step and the next.
\nSometimes, something big comes along and rips a hole in the web and we start over. We reinforce. We rebuild. Our web has one purpose and one purpose only. To catch memories.
\nAhhhh…such is the musing of my mind in rush hour traffic. Catching memories is a beautiful thing. ❤️
\n“Therefore, I will always remind you about these things—even though you already know them and are standing firm in the truth you have been taught.”\n2 Peter 1:12 NLT
\n", "date_published": "2016-12-09T03:00:04-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/12/09/the-web.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/12/05/tonights-peaceful-moment.html", "title": "TONIGHT'S PEACEFUL MOMENT", "content_html": "A poem about grief and the holidays.
\n\n", "date_published": "2016-12-04T18:30:06-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/12/05/tonights-peaceful-moment.html", "tags": ["Grief","Peaceful Moments"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/12/03/forced-memories-from-the-archives.html", "title": "FORCED MEMORIES FROM THE ARCHIVES OF FACEBOOK", "content_html": "![\"Man](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/0027a46985.jpg\")
\nIf this is your first Christmas without your loved one, you must be prepared for something. Facebook Memories. They pop up, unbidden. They take you back, whether you want to go or not. I remember seeing the memories before the holidays, but man…once they started showing me Thanksgivings and Christmases past? That was brutal because I wasn’t prepared.
\nI’m in a different place now, for the most part. That doesn’t mean I don’t feel Mr. Virgo’s absence or that I don’t ever get sad. I do. Just not as deep and not as long. A photo from 2009 showed up this morning. It was just the tree in the living room. Then I remembered this one and went searching for it. This was his last Christmas. We couldn’t possibly have imagined that. We were back in the mountain house after having lived away for a few years. We always put our tree up on the Sunday after Thanksgiving. We watched “White Christmas” and football. We had a nice dinner and sat in the dark with the lights on the tree as the only illumination. Mr. Virgo had this special brand of candle that smelled of pine. OMGosh! That thing reeked…but he loved it and I tolerated it for him.
\nWhen I see this picture now, I’m filled with warm memories and a certain bit of melancholy that is becoming more like nostalgia with each passing year. I have learned to love this life that I built for myself, but I stand at the edge of the man-shaped hole in my heart and throw a wreath in the waves that come in. I observe. I hold tight to those memories. I smile a bit. I let my heart hurt a bit. I let myself “feel” grief. Because, the only way to get through grief is to grieve. And even though most days my ship is steady in the water, there are some still that are rocky. I have a much better feel for sailing now than I had three years ago. I know which way the wind blows and God is the Captain of my ship. ❤️
\n“It’s smooth sailing all the way with GOD-of-the-Angel-Armies.”\nPsalm 84:10-12 MSG
\n", "date_published": "2016-12-03T03:00:26-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/12/03/forced-memories-from-the-archives.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Holiday"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/11/29/widowhood-is-a-solitary-affair.html", "title": "WIDOWHOOD IS A SOLITARY AFFAIR", "content_html": "![\"Prisma](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/d8644b1619.jpg\")
\nI did something the other day that I absolutely SWORE I would never do again. I bought a television. I was at Sam’s Club picking up some things and there was an incredible deal on a 40" Samsung Smart TV. I’ve been wanting to watch some of my collection of movies and this seemed like a good deal. Besides the movies, it’s not a bad idea to stay connected when there is a tragedy…like yesterday’s emergency on the OSU campus. I have to say, I felt ill after watching the news for a short time so I checked back in occasionally for updates instead of staying glued to it.
\nAs I flipped through channels, I paused to watch a few minutes of ET: The Extraterrestrial. I remember watching that when it first came out and the cinematography seemed SO advanced. Now it is terribly dated. The scene I came in on has a TV playing the background while ET is raiding the fridge. There is a commercial playing where a young woman answers the phone and calls out to the rest of the family that it’s their uncle calling long distance from California. She tells him she’ll talk fast since she knows how expensive long distance is. He assures her it won’t be now that he can use the new “weekend rates”. That made me smile with memories.
\nWhen I was about four or five years old, we had a big black phone with no dial on it. You picked up the handset and an operator immediately responded with “Number please.” I still remember one of my favorite aunt’s number started with HU for Hudson. One day my mom left me in the house while she went out to hang the wash. Even though I was little, I could read and soon found my Aunt Rosie’s number in Minnesota in the address book. When the operator came on, I “disguised” my voice and read the number off to her. My plan nearly worked but my mom came back inside and caught me just before what would have been an expensive phone call was connected. Lucky for me, I suppose.
\nHere at the farm, there was a party line. I would sneak and pick up the phone to eavesdrop on Mrs. Clark talking to someone. Grandma would whup me if she caught me doing that. We lived in town just 30 miles away and it was a rare occurrence to talk to Grandma on the phone in those early years. We got a letter from her at least once a week. I still have some of them, written in her scrawling cursive. She would give us the news of the day, what was going on up and down the road. She’d let us know if she got a letter from any of the family. She’d tell us what was coming on in the garden and how many jars of this or that she had canned that week. Treasures that are lost in the era of the quick calls and texts of today.
\nI sat down the week before Thanksgiving and wrote some notes out to some of my fellow Sisters on the Fly. I love handwritten letters. I bought some cards the other day and will try to get Christmas notes out this week. I may have a TV now, but it’s my last thought to turn it on. I’ll still live the slower life this farm affords me. It makes my heart more peaceful. ❤️
\n“The soothing tongue is a tree of life, but a perverse tongue crushes the spirit.”\nProverbs 15:4 NIV
\n", "date_published": "2016-11-29T03:00:32-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/11/29/widowhood-is-a-solitary-affair.html", "tags": ["Grief","Hope","West Virginia","The Farm"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/11/28/the-fear-of-loss-continues.html", "title": "THE FEAR OF LOSS CONTINUES", "content_html": "![\"Ultimately it is not the grief that stops us from starting life over. But of the fear of losing it all again.\" Christine Rasmussen](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/50b90ba827.jpg\")
\nThe other day, I drifted off on the sofa and began to dream. It wasn’t an action dream like a movie. It was more like a slide show of stills. A picture of this. A memory of that. Then…quite suddenly, and without warning…Mr. Virgo was standing in front of me. He was holding something in his hand…a newspaper, perhaps? And he was carrying his briefcase over his shoulder. He was wearing a nice, charcoal grey suit. He was looking straight at me with a smile on his face which conveyed a sense of calm in me…in the moment.
\nI haven’t “seen” him for quite some time. It didn’t exactly make me sad. But it did affect me. I suppose it always will. The thing about “losing it all” puts fear in my heart at the thoughts of going through it again, even though I know I would for the right person. I honestly don’t want to grow old alone…but that fear would be something difficult to overcome. I know others have. The holidays are bound to bring a funk of sorts to everyone who has lost someone they love, let alone seeing him so clearly in a dream. Today’s a new day and the sun will come up again…but I’ll be left with that feeling of loss for a few days. ❤️
\n“One night the Lord spoke to Paul in a vision: “Do not be afraid; keep on speaking, do not be silent. For I am with you, and no one is going to attack and harm you, because I have many people in this city.””\nActs 18:9-10 NIV
\n", "date_published": "2016-11-28T03:00:26-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/11/28/the-fear-of-loss-continues.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/11/23/reprise-the-ugly-side-of.html", "title": "Reprise: The Ugly Side of Grief", "content_html": "![\"Grief](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/5dd6367e81.jpg\")
“Reprise: The Ugly Side of Grief”
I wrote this two years ago. I think it bears repeating with the holidays approaching.
\nThe Ugly Side of Grief
\nRemember when you and I first started this journey? I told you I would speak from my heart. I would speak my truth as it is in the moment. I would tell you what it’s like to walk this path and I told you that sometimes it wouldn’t be pretty. Remember that? Well, I’m writing this at midnight and tonight is one of those nights that’s just not pretty.
\nI woke up with a migraine Wednesday morning and didn’t take the time to take care of myself as I would normally. My aunt had a doctor’s appointment in the afternoon so we were gone for several hours. (I’ve managed to get 2.2 pounds on her tiny little frame by adding cream and cheese and eggs to a lot of her foods. That’s a relief.) We got home and I fixed her supper. I really couldn’t eat much and I went straight to bed. I slept a couple of hours and woke up. And the second phase of my migraine kicked in….GI symptoms.
\nGrief is hard work. Being sick is hard work. Being sick and grieving and feeling anxiety build up in you and knowing the only thing you can do is use Rescue Remedy and ride it out till morning? That’s brutal. That opens all sorts of doors to thoughts better left for the light of day. When will this ever be over? Why did he have to die on me so soon? How am I ever going to find the strength to get through this? Is this what the rest of my life is going to look like? I’ve taken on a huge responsibility with my aunt’s care. Have I bit off more than I can chew? Am I strong enough to get through this?
\nThat last question is the crux of the whole thing…am I strong enough to do this? If you look at my frail little human self with my fears and my anxieties and my grief, the answer is an unequivocal “No…..not on my own.” I could not have gotten where I am today if it weren’t for my faith in a God much stronger than me. A God that will gladly carry every burden I have if I’ll just remember to turn to Him and ask Him to carry them. I couldn’t have made it this far without the countless prayers that have been offered up on my behalf. I hate the ugly underbelly of grief. The doubt and fear it stirs up in me scares me. And when I get scared, it’s easy to go running down the dark corridors of my 2:00 mind, jiggling door knobs, frantically looking for a way out of this purgatory.
\nMy rational 8:00 mind will return after while. I’ll get up and have coffee and the night will fade into memories of the many long nights of survival. And, until then, I will lay here in my comfy bed in my cold camper with my toasty electric blanket turned on high, and I will visualize sitting at the feet of God, my head on His knee, His hand stroking my brow, His love for me overflowing, His strength pouring into me, His gentle words of encouragement whispered into my ear. “It’s ok, baby girl. You fight hard and you get tired. You just rest in Me. I’ll take care of you tonight and tomorrow things will look a whole lot different…you’ll see. Trust Me.”
\n❤️
\n“The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.” Psalm 18:2 NIV\n", "date_published": "2016-11-23T02:30:12-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/11/23/reprise-the-ugly-side-of.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","God","Holiday","Wisdom","Fear"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/11/16/the-list.html", "title": "The List", "content_html": "
![\"Ohio](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/fe13d6356f.jpg\")
“Digital painting of the Ohio River at sunset.”
I still suffer from “grief brain” to some extent. Or maybe it’s just the natural progression of aging. Or a combination of the two. I don’t know. What I DO know is, I have a whole list of things in my head at night when I lay down. I think of a dozen things I should have done during the day. And a dozen more that come to mind as my brain notices I want to go to sleep so it pops up and says “Here’s twenty-four things to remember in the morning. No fair getting up and writing it down!” So, it takes forever to go to sleep and…I wake up knowing there were twenty-four things and I remember, like…two. SO frustrating!
\nI thought I was done with lists when I quit working and things got done at my leisure. Then Mr. Virgo died. My brain felt like I dropped a hair dryer in the bathtub while I was in it. I couldn’t remember anything to save my soul. It has gotten much, much better…but I think I will always have this lingering need to make lists now. And maybe write down where I park my car…and put my keys, etc. Now, I have to write lists, set alarms, send myself texts. If not, things get missed.
\nThe thing about lists now that I’m living 45 minutes from town is, I don’t shop as frequently so the lists get really long. And I end up spending all day running around from place to place. That was my day yesterday. I ended the day on a bright note, however. I met a friend for dinner and took time to watch the sunset over the beautiful Ohio River. And still, the moon is super. Thirteen deer on the road coming home last night. Today is trash day…and the beat goes on. ❤️
\n“The whole earth is filled with awe at your wonders; where morning dawns, where evening fades, you call forth songs of joy.”\n\n", "date_published": "2016-11-16T02:30:53-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/11/16/the-list.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","West Virginia","The Farm","Growth","Wisdom","Courage","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/11/12/the-gift.html", "title": "The Gift", "content_html": "\nPsalm 65:8 NIV
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/c1997b193e.jpg\")
Every day I open my eyes and look out the window to the right of my bed here at the farm. I smile when I see the sun just touching the ridge across the road and I thank God for the gift of another day. I look around the room that my grandparents shared for thirty-some years. My eyes settle on an old grainy black and white picture of six children, blissfully unaware that they were poor as church mice. My mother, the eldest, stands in the back, her head cocked with a wry smile on her pretty face. I don't think my mother ever believed she was beautiful but with her wavy raven hair, dancing green eyes, and quick, open smile...she was darling. I smile back at my mama and her siblings. Half of my loved ones in this photo are gone now, their smiles left frozen for all time in a cheap 5x7 metal frame.
\n\n\nI reach for my phone to check the news, weather, and e-mails. I check in with messaging and answer anything that came in overnight. I get up and make my coffee and cereal. Then I \"come to The Ranch\" and sit with you here. I read every one of your comments and respond in some way...either a \"like\" or a comment in return. I do that because I want you to know I read every word you write. The words you share with me move me. They make me think. They remind me of where I've been or give me hope for where I'm going. They humble me and touch my heart. They remind me how blessed I am and I am so grateful.
\n\n\nI had a conversation with my agent the other day. I sent my book proposal at the end of summer and I've been trying to write from the outline. I've been just frozen for weeks. I can't write that way. I am an extemporaneous writer...I tell story after story and weave them together like cloth. When I try to write from an outline it's about as interesting as reading the instructions included with your vacuum cleaner. So, frustrated, I told her I have to do this differently. I have to just write the book, then I can write the outline and then the book proposal. My biggest fear, I told her, is running out of time. I don't want to miss this opportunity because I'm stumbling in the dark. She assured me she isn't going anywhere...and that's a great relief! So, I keep plugging away.
\n\n\nAfter I read your comments and I interact, I do my chores and in the afternoon I sit down and write my post for the next day. Sometimes it's late in the afternoon and I sit in front of my \"happy light\". This week has been so gorgeous here in WV. We are having cold nights, but our days are unseasonably warm. Wednesday, I sat out on the front porch to write my post and I wanted to share my view with you. It is truly a gift to get to sit here with you every day. It is a gift to wake up to the same view out the same window that my grandparents looked through every morning. It is a gift to have friends and neighbors stop by for a cup of coffee or call with a cheery hello.
\n\n\nI know there is turmoil going on out there. I know there is backlash after the election, but I cannot \"go out there\". There's a reason I stopped watching TV when Mr. Virgo died. It's too distressing. I don't have my head in the sand. I know what's going on because I read the news. I just don't listen to endless rounds of talking heads spewing commentary. I find out what I need to know then I do something else. It's much better for my well-being. I know I'm pretty insulated here...but, it's the way I like it. The way I need it. For now anyway.
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2016-11-12T02:30:39-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/11/12/the-gift.html", "tags": ["Grief","Growth","Gratitude","Writing","Farm Life"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/11/04/burning-the-candle.html", "title": "Burning the Candle", "content_html": "\n“Rejoice always,”
\n1 Thessalonians 5:16 NIV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/18a0db2908.jpg\")
Grief speaks to us in tongues...a voice only God truly understands. The Holy Spirit is the interpreter. And sometimes he only whispers so you must listen carefully. If you miss His more subtle cues, He likely will hit you a little harder.
\n\n\nI keep pushing and pushing. I say, \"Ahhhh...finally I can sit down and write.\" And, before I know it, I'm up and off again. My good friend Jamie says you can't busy your way through grief. And, just because I'm coping and busy and happy doesn't mean I don't still grieve. I do. It's just different now.
\n\n\nWednesday was a very long, extremely busy, action-packed day. From climbing the steps five times and kayaking with two high school friends to meeting a friend for a picnic by the river to meeting more friends for dinner, I fell into bed late and sank into the deep sleep of exhaustion. I woke up yesterday morning very early and had my cereal and coffee and checked into Facebook. There I learned of the death of yet another classmate after a seventeen year battle with breast cancer. And I felt the clouds roll in.
\n\n\nI was suddenly exhausted, went back to bed and slept another hour only to awaken feeling quite ill. I was sick for a solid three hours and had to move my schedule around. That's when I finally listened.
\n\n\n\"Slow down, child. You aren't breathing. You can't possibly hear Me if you keep up this pace.\"
\n\n\nSo, I stopped. I breathed deep. I prioritized. I changed some things. I asked for help. I prayed. I slept. Because, I had the presentation on the Prayer of Jabez scheduled for last night and I sure didn't want to miss that! I had a little talk with God.
\n\n\n\"Oh, God...I'm feeling so sick. Please, take this away!\"
\n\n\n\"Ahhhh, I've got your attention, I see. You're not at your best today. What's wrong?\"
\n\n\n\"I overdid it yesterday. I'm exhausted. And...you took another one of my friends home. And my heart is hurting and I'm feeling overwhelmed. I thought the waves of grief were gone!\"
\n\n\n\"My child, my child...I can't take them away and make you complete and comfortable. If I did, what would you need ME for?\"
\n\n\n\"Look, I'm giving this talk tonight. I don't know how many people you are bringing this time. I've been praying the Prayer of Jabez for almost a year now. You have exploded my world. But it's too much! You've got the wrong girl. I can't do all this!\"
\n\n\n\"Oh...really? You \"can't\"? Think about it for a minute. What would you need to have in order to do this successfully? Less fear? If you fear less, you don't need Me. I want you to need Me. That's what the Prayer of Jabez is all about. You ask Me to bless you, indeed. I am. You ask Me to expand your territory. I have. You ask Me to walk with you. I do. You ask Me to keep evil far away from you so you don't feel pain. I do, but there's a catch. You have to hold up your end of the stick. You have to pray and avoid sin and seek me in all that you do. Look at you! You're so \"busy\"! I've missed these little chats.\"
\n\n\n\"I know. I keep busy to avoid pain. And loneliness. I make excuses not to talk because sometimes what You have to tell me, I don't want to hear.\"
\n\n\n\"Yes, that's when I force you to your knees. So, what do you want from Me?\"
\n\n\n\"Well, if You're going to expand my territory and put me out there to bring Your light into the world, You're going to have to make me stronger.\"
\n\n\n\"Oh, you and Thomas. Forever doubters. You think you aren't strong enough to do this? I have everything you need to do exactly what I put you here to do. All you need to do ask. Every...single...time. Just ask. Then Seek. Then Knock. Matthew has this in the seventh book, seventh chapter. Just do those three things. Ask...Seek...Knock. And, it's yours. It's not easy being a Gimper for God.\"
\n\n\nAnd, it's not.
\n\n\nBut a couple hours of rest, some ginger ale and saltines...and a long visit with God...and I was good to go. That, and blowing out one end of the candle.
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2016-11-04T01:30:44-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/11/04/burning-the-candle.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Insight"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/11/03/alarming.html", "title": "Alarming", "content_html": "\n“For the Lord giveth wisdom: out of his mouth cometh knowledge and understanding.”
\nProverbs 2:6 KJV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/7b22c6e30f.jpg\")
\"Danger, Will Robinson!\" I don't know if I'm going to be able to use this driveway alarm or not. It went off four times during the night. I wouldn't have batted an eyelash at that except my friend down the road stopped the other night to tell me about all the break-ins in the area lately. This is an excellent demonstration of the power of suggestion. The threat has always been there, but it meant nothing till it was articulated in well-meaning conversation.
\n\n\nThe power of fear is remarkable. Just hearing about the break-ins changed my sense of personal safety to the point that I jumped every time that alarm went off last night. I started leaving all the outdoor lights on. I checked and rechecked the locks on the doors. I slept with my gun beside me. I moved the rifle back into the bedroom from the kitchen where it could be seen and used against me. I locked up the back of the truck. I put a lock on the cellar so no one would steal the pump.
\n\n\nSteal the pump?!?! Do you see how crazy this is getting? How unsettling this has become?!?! It's ridiculous. Absolutely nothing is different in my world except the two minutes talking about all the weed-eaters that have been stolen and gas pilfered. I have nothing of value here save for TOW-Wanda and she has a hitch lock that would rival Ft. Knox.
\n\n\nI saw a bumper sticker yesterday that read \"Fearful people do stupid things.\" While that is political in nature given the upcoming election, it's just as true if it were not. I will not live my life in fear. When I do, I am weak. I make poor decisions. I don't necessarily listen to \"the truth\". I give my power away. I have lived too much of my life in fear. I won't do it anymore. This is the same little house on the same little farm on the same little two-lane blacktop as it was an hour before that conversation. I'm taking reasonable precautions to deter vandals. After that, I'm letting go of the fear and paranoia. I know from experience...when you sit in fear, you attract things to be fearful of. I rebuke fear. I have to. I live alone and I need to LIVE...whether I'm alone or not.
\n\n\nMy friend Nancy posted this today...\"Nancy's Nuggets: This popped off the page at me...Consider carefully how you listen...Luke 8:18 NIV So, think carefully about what you are hearing. Matthew Henry comments on this: \"Take heed of those things that will hinder our profiting from the word we hear, take heed lest we hear carelessly and slightly; and take heed after we have heard the word, lest we lose what we have gained.\"\"
\n\n\nI will not lose my sense of peace.
\n\n\nThe alarm is being moved closer to the house today so it's out of the deer and possum crossing. I'm raising it higher so it doesn't go off so easily with the smaller critters. It will now be brought back into my line of sight from behind the huge rhododendron down the driveway. Other than that, I'm done worrying about weed-eater thefts. I'm taking back the night.
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2016-11-03T01:30:09-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/11/03/alarming.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Fear","Farm Life"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/11/01/country-roads.html", "title": "Country Roads...", "content_html": "\n“This is the day which the Lord hath made; we will rejoice and be glad in it.”
\nPsalms 118:24 KJV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/5a8ac6e99a.jpg\")
Take me home. I thought you might like to see what I see when I drive out to the farm. OMGosh...how I love this road! Several years ago, I discovered I could \"drive\" down this old country road on Google Earth by getting down on the street level view. It became my secret obsession...at least once a week I would log on my iPad and \"go home\". And now? Now I get to live here and see this every single day. I am SO grateful for this opportunity. I thanked my uncle again yesterday and he assured me he was just as grateful that I am here taking care of the place for him. He lives too far away and family obligations keep him from making the trip more than once or twice a year.
\n\n\nThis serene setting gives me plenty of opportunity to reflect on the miracles of my life. The twists and turns. The potholes...HUGE potholes. But also the peaks. You cannot appreciate the peaks if you haven't been mired in the valleys. Eleven years ago today I had my first date with Mr. Virgo. We met at a little restaurant in Basalt, CO. He brought me a rose. He was charming. Devastatingly handsome. Funny. A good listener. Easy going. Tall. I love tall men. We had a long lunch, good conversation, and a kiss goodbye at the car. It was cold and drizzly that day. I remember feeling warmed by that kiss.
\n\n\nI miss that man. I always will. I'm grateful I'm in a different space in my head, and my heart, now. I can look back at every aspect of our life together and feel happiness...most of the time. I can appreciate the fact that I had him in my life, albeit for too short a time. If I allow myself, I can still revisit the pain his loss gave me. The emptiness, the fear, the longing. Sometimes it's good to go there for a little while to work on some grief. But it doesn't serve me in my everyday life to stay there too long. The pain gets in the way of celebrating his life...MY life. I'd rather dance with him on my shoulder than sit with his memory in the dark. Dancing is life affirming. And...I am very much alive!
\n\n\nI'm finding joy again. In the simple ticking of the clock I bought him on his last Christmas. I hung it here in the dining room. I find joy in the memory of his face when I presented him with the painting I did of Mt. Sopris for his 60th birthday. I hung it here in the living room. I find peace knowing I have a lock of his gorgeous silver hair that I can touch any time I want. I keep it in a red leather box along with our wedding bands.
\n\n\nLiving at the farm has another benefit. Mr. Virgo isn't lurking around every corner here like he is in Colorado. He was only here once so there are very few memories of him at the farm. They mostly revolve around standing behind the barn while he smoked and that isn't one of my favorite memories. Smoking took him away from me. There are a few good memories here with him, though. One night we stood on the back porch and listened to a bear in the woods near the house. One afternoon we hiked back on the hill and put our names in the old church registry. We tried, unsuccessfully, to sleep in a double bed in the dead heat of August.
\n\n\nI dreaded getting to this point in my grief journey where he didn't occupy every thought. But this is good. This is where I'm supposed to be. He isn't \"gone\". He'll never be totally gone. He lives on in my heart and sometimes he makes his presence known, and I smile...almost always. For that I am most grateful.
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2016-11-01T01:30:43-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/11/01/country-roads.html", "tags": ["Grief","Memories","Healing"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/10/27/settle-down.html", "title": "Settle Down", "content_html": "\n“Lord my God, I called to you for help, and you healed me.”
\nPsalm 30:2 NIV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/edd16ec37e.jpg\")
Wednesday's are long days for me. I have to get up long before dawn to take the trash out so the critters don't get into it. (I'm still working on a raccoon-proof trash can.) I had a laundry list of things to accomplish yesterday and before I knew it, the sun was setting and I hadn't made it to the grocery store. That doesn't count the drive back out to the farm. I needed to settle down and catch my breath. My favorite grocery store is just across the river in Ohio and I remembered a beautiful park nearby with a great walking path. I headed there and walked the long outer loop, stopping to read the names of the individuals and businesses who sponsor the large planters hanging from the lamp posts. By the time I got back to the truck, the sun was giving off the last bit of light and I grabbed this shot. While I love living at the farm, this river holds big magic for me and I needed her energy after a long and busy day.
\n\n\nI made a new friend yesterday. She found me a couple of weeks ago, actually through a connection I'd made earlier in the year after the New York Times article came out. I love synchronicity. This woman is creating a new podcast and wanted to interview me for it. While I love doing interviews, they do force me to dive back into my loss and it stirs up feelings. Not a bad thing. Just an emotional check point that I don't visit quite as often anymore. One of the questions she asked me was regarding those first few hours after losing Mr. Virgo. It wasn't one of those awful reporter kind of questions you see on the 10:00 news...like, \"So, Mrs. Smith...what did it feel like when you saw the alligator eat your husband?\" I hate that. No, this was an empathetic plea...\"How the hell do you deal with something like this?\" I've been re-hashing my answer all afternoon and I can't come up with anything better than what I told her. I answered her in typical Marshmallow Ranch fashion...with a story.
\n\n\nThat terrible day, the cardiologist came out to tell me they did everything they could but the damage was too great and they could not save my husband. My very first response was to empathize with him because he looked like he got rode hard and put away wet. He was physically and mentally exhausted after working feverishly for three hours. I thanked him and told him I knew firsthand what he had just gone through and I appreciated his efforts. I told her about being led into the room and seeing Mr. Virgo lying covered with a clean sheet...and his hair was slicked back. Then, right there at that critical juncture of the story...I started laughing. I apologized and assured her the experience was truly horrific and there was nothing funny about it at the time. And there still isn't, save for his hair. And here's why....
\n\n\nMost evenings, Mr. Virgo would stretch out on the couch with his head in my lap and I would run my fingers through that gorgeous mane of silver hair. I swear, he purred. After a half hour or so, he'd get up to go make his tea and his hair would be slicked back. I would laugh at him and call him Guido because he looked like some sort of mafioso in a Saturday afternoon B movie. When I walked into the room to see Mr. Virgo and they had his hair slicked back, I said \" Oh, my God...NO! He looks like Guido!!!\"
\n\n\nTime has eased the pain of that memory and allowed me to blend it with the fun memory of stroking his hair and turning this handsome Irishman into an Italian mob boss. And yes, I laughed at the absurdity of what happens to your brain in grief and how you fixate on the stupidest things. It allowed me to explain \"grief brain\". I've worried all afternoon about what people might think when they hear me laughing after such a serious question as \"How did you handle that?\" But there is nothing crazier than trying to absorb the news that the love of your life is gone and your world lies shattered at your feet. I think people will understand that...especially when it happens to them. That's why I'm doing what I'm doing in the first place. I'm a grief mentor. I'm here to tell you there is NOTHING predicable about grief....except that it's totally unpredictable.
\n\n\nThe interview went well, I totally bonded with the interviewer and I am going to make her join up and go girl camping. I got my shopping done and dodged about thirty to forty deer on the drive back to the farm and today is another day.
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2016-10-27T01:30:56-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/10/27/settle-down.html", "tags": ["Grief","Memories","Healing"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/10/25/home.html", "title": "Home", "content_html": "\n“We are confident, I say, and would prefer to be away from the body and at home with the Lord.”
\n2 Corinthians 5:8 NIV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/36c48bd5e6.jpg\")
It was dark when I drove up the long driveway to the farmhouse the other night. I couldn't pull into my parking spot because there are low hanging electric lines crossing the driveway. A friend came out yesterday to hold the lines up so I could drive under. I mentioned that I needed to winterize the camper but hadn't done it by myself before. I don't know why, but there are certain things that really intimidate me. Programming a VCR. Hooking up a sound system. Winterizing a camper. They all seem terribly complicated which is ridiculous. I have done jobs a lot tougher than that. My friend has had campers for years and assured me I could do it. Step by step, I walked through it...easy peasy. I felt proud of the accomplishment.
\n\n\nIt wasn't really all that long ago when I didn't know thing one about a camper. Now, I can hook up and unhook, back into the tightest of spots, troubleshoot many issues, change the batteries and gas tanks, check and fill the tires, and now...winterize. I ran electric to her so I can nap and write in my little sanctuary. The only thing left is to empty and clean the pantry. I still might take off and head south sometime this winter for a break...who knows? I do like to go someplace warm and sunny in February!
\n\n\nI was around a lot of people on this trip. Coming home accentuated my \"aloneness\". I usually adjust quickly but last night just felt lonesome so I rolled with it. I let my mind wander wherever it took me, eventually settling on Mr. Virgo. The only way I can describe my feelings for him now is \"the evolution of love\". A love interrupted. A forever love. But, my love for him no longer consumes every waking moment of my life. For the longest time, I clung to every shred of feeling I had for him for fear that if I let go of even one thread, the whole \"fabric\" of his memory would unravel...that I would lose him completely. I had to ease up my grip...an inch at a time. I knew if I held onto him too tight, there would never be room in my life for anything...or anyone...else. It's like flying a kite. If the string is too short, the kite just spins around and around smacking you in the face. You can't see past it. But if you let out the string slowly and stay just right with the wind, you can actually tie off the string and the kite will pretty much fly itself. That's where I am. I've let out the kite string enough that I get a great view and can watch it soar on the wind. It's beautiful...and it makes me smile. Even when I feel my \"aloneness\". Because, really...I am never alone. Mr. Virgo's memory is with me. Those who love me are with me. But most of all...God is with me.
\n\n\nIt will be another busy week...taking the truck in for maintenance today and an interview for a podcast on Wednesday. Thursday night I'm meeting friends to go see Rocky Horror Picture Show. I've always wanted to go see it in the theater where the audience interacts with the characters on the screen. That'll be a hoot! So, there won't be much time to be lonely this week. My choice is always to roll up my sleeves, get into the fun, and fly my kite!
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2016-10-25T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/10/25/home.html", "tags": ["Grief","Growth","Courage","Healing"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/10/22/colors.html", "title": "Colors", "content_html": "\n“Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted. Relieve the troubles of my heart and free me from my anguish.”
\nPsalm 25:16-17 NIV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/78e39d582c.jpg\")
I awoke in the night with the drumming of a hard rain on the roof of my camper. I love rain...especially in the camper or on the tin roof of the farm house. The roof of my truck was a solid mat of wet leaves. The air was dense with the humidity of an autumn fog. The soft unfocused green of the pine boughs formed tear-like droplets as the trees mourned the passing of their season. The air was still. The smell of pine sap mixed with the gentle wisps from a neighboring campfire. It was a good day.
\n\n\nDays like this bring me back to the first fall after Mr. Virgo died. I lived in a subdivision with covenants so I could not have TOW-Wanda in front of my house. I missed her terribly. I was forced to live in my house where Mr. Virgo lurked behind every corner. Not having my \"traveling companion\" at hand made me anxious and depressed. Time has healed that particular wound. Although he still creeps in now and then. I was sitting in the camper yesterday thinking...
\n\n\n\"This. This is what we planned for. This is what we worked towards. And you aren't here to enjoy it with me.\"
\n\n\n\"I know, baby doll. I know. But look at you! You pull this thing like a boss!\"
I smiled.
\"I know! You would be so proud of me!\"
\n\n\n\"I AM proud of you, baby. I watch everything you do. You're doing great!\"
\"But...I'm getting tired of doing this alone. I want someone to share this with.\"
\"I know you do, honey. I know you do. Keep your eyes open. I'll send someone special. Just be patient. You'll know when it's the one.\"
\n\n\n\"You've always loved me and taken care of me, haven't you? I have no doubt you'll do this, too. I'll always miss you.\"
\n\n\n\"We'll meet again, my love. Someday!\"
\n\n\nThese \"conversations\" with Mr. Virgo always leave me breathless but hopeful. My world brightens...even in the midst of a gloomy day.
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2016-10-22T01:30:58-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/10/22/colors.html", "tags": ["Grief","Comfort","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/10/21/full-circle.html", "title": "Full Circle", "content_html": "\n“He reveals deep and mysterious things and knows what lies hidden in darkness, though he is surrounded by light.”
\nDaniel 2:22 NLT\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/c51abc5c7c.jpg\")
I'm on my last camping trip of the year, I believe. While yesterday's high was 82, the next few days will be in the 50's with rain. Not a problem for me...I see naps in my future. I love listening to the sound of the rain on the roof. I'm camping in very dense woods. I can hear the katydids skritching at each other over the steady drum of tree frogs and crickets. Soon, these night sounds will be put to bed until spring.
\n\n\nI drove through the New River Gorge yesterday and decided to go to Babcock State Park to see the grist mill. I went into the gift shop to buy some fresh ground corn meal or flour, but unfortunately the terrible floods they had in southern WV this summer damaged the sluice box. There has been so little rain since then that even if the mill were operable, they couldn't grind.
\n\n\nAs I sat on a bench across the way from the grist mill, I thought of all the circles within the confines of that building...from the large waterwheel to the gears at the elbow to the millstone...each circle has a purpose. Each is built for a certain outcome. They take in rough, coarse grain and work it between heavy stones to wear down the tough outer covering. They continue to work...round and round till the final product is usable. With very little effort, that product can be turned into a variety of healthy, nutritious foods that feeds us and keeps us alive. We are like the grain in God's gristmills. He can turn hard winter wheat into the softest cake flour. He can also turn the hardest of hearts loving and soft. He turns the stone and works on us all of our lives.
\n\n\nAs I sat there, I said a prayer for my cousin, Margie. She lost her fairly brief fight with cancer when she was released from her pain Wednesday in the early morning hours. Her trip through life's grist mill was a rough one, but she was a strong woman and fought hard. Her wish, in lieu of a funeral, was for the family to come together for a meal. I love that. She was always at the family dinners that I attended. I will think of her in the changing leaves, the crisp air, the rush of water over the flywheel of the mill. I will remember her when I rub soft flour between my fingers. She is the sweetness of the cake...the texture of the bread. God rest your sweet soul, Margie. You are free to fly.
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2016-10-21T01:30:24-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/10/21/full-circle.html", "tags": ["Family","Grief","West Virginia"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/10/17/just-passing-through.html", "title": "Just Passing Through", "content_html": "\n“Grain for bread is easily crushed, so he doesn’t keep on pounding it. He threshes it under the wheels of a cart, but he doesn’t pulverize it.”
\nIsaiah 28:28 NLT\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/270b1a0255.jpg\")
I can't remember ever having a day quite like yesterday. I always pray during the opening worship service and ask God to speak to me personally through our pastor's message. He didn't fail me...He never does. And it was powerful. After church, I went for a drive to look at the beautiful fall colors. I pulled into the cemetery where my grandparents, great-grandparents, and other family members on my father's side are buried. After paying my respects, I had a picnic in the park by the river then moved on to drive up by my Aunt Marge's farm. I have wonderful memories of that place and it was sad to see it so run down. The building in this picture is the Wilding Graded School just down the road.
\n\n\nI was returning home, driving out a country road when I noticed some people talking in a yard. Suddenly they rushed to the road and started pointing ahead of me. I looked up and there was a cloud of dust flying. A car and truck had collided at high speed in the intersection not farther than a football field ahead of me. I was one of the first to stop to help. Just as I got to the truck that was overturned, two nurses rushed up with their medical bags and climbed in the cab as best they could. The occupants were severely injured. I believe the driver was killed. The nurse kept coming back out for air then diving in again. I could do nothing but pray. I asked God to give her the skills she needed, the words of comfort to say, and the strength to carry out her tasks. That's when I heard her say, \"Do you know Jesus?\" The man said he did. I knew my part was done and I needed to get my truck out of the way. I was still shaking an hour later and the image stuck with me well into the night.
\n\n\nAfter my Sunday evening service, I checked Facebook and saw a post from my second cousin. Her mom had taken a turn for the worse so I headed to the care facility to sit with family for a while. I got home after 1:00.
I'm in a season of my life where people are slipping away from me. Mr. Virgo. My parents. Friends. Acquaintances. They're dying. They're moving on. I keep recalibrating my compass, yet true north eludes me. Big changes are coming into my life. Doors close. Windows open. On and on. I don't know why everything seems so poignant right now, but it's like something orchestrated. I'll trust the process and see where this leads me. After all, we're just passing through here.
❤️
\n\n\n“Make me to know your ways, O Lord; teach me your paths. Lead me in your truth and teach me, for you are the God of my salvation; for you I wait all the day long.”Psalms 25:4-5 ESV
\n\n", "date_published": "2016-10-17T01:30:51-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/10/17/just-passing-through.html", "tags": ["Grief","Growth","God","Aging"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/10/16/doctor-doctor-i-can-see.html", "title": "Doctor! Doctor! I Can See!", "content_html": "\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/e424c4d81a.jpg\")
Farm life has me up and doing things at the ungodly hour of \"0 Dark Thirty\". Things like feeding the farm cats. When I first got here, I was awakened at 8:00 by what I was certain was someone trying to break in the house...first the back door, then the front. I snuck into the living room and, with great trepidation, pulled back the curtain on the front door only to find a very hungry cat glaring at me at eye height...her claws gripping the screen. I think they are plotting to kill me by loving me to death. Another delightful little task on the farm is taking the trash out at 5:30am on Wednesdays to keep the raccoons and possums out of it. You have not lived till you hear the sweet barn cat out on the porch eating the food you left a few minutes before only to go out and come face-to-face with a possum the size of a Buick. That gives aerobics a new meaning.
\n\n\nAs I stood in the kitchen yesterday, contemplating how a self-proclaimed road princess like me found herself living in an old drafty house in a shady little holler with possums and coons and fleas, I waited patiently for my coffee to brew. As I leaned against the sink, I looked to my right and noticed the door frame had a little piece sawed away. My eyes ran up the frame and found a matching place about six inches from the top of the door and I smiled with a memory.
\n\n\nWhen I was a very little girl, this house did not have indoor plumbing. As a matter of fact, it didn't even sit where it is now. It used to be farther back from the road when my uncle and great-grandfather built a basement, put in plumbing, and rolled the house down on pipes to the new foundation. Before the move, and the new kitchen sink, the door hinges were on the other side opening from right to left. Consequently, the screen opened in the same direction. I was only six or seven years old when it switched, but fifty years later I was still reaching for the handle of the screen door on the right instead of the left.
\n\n\nLife after loss is a lot like that. Things have been moved on us. I go to pick up the phone every Sunday night to call mom and check in. I see something funny and think of texting Mr. Virgo to tell him. I turn over in bed and reach out to find...emptiness...more often than I care to admit. Someone moved our stuff. Someone changed our lives. It doesn't break my heart like it used to. Now it's more like, \"Oh, yeah...right. He's gone.\" and I move on. Most of the time, anyway.
\n\n\nSeeing those marks where the old hinges were reminded me that I can learn how to open doors with the other hand. I can change and still go in and out. I'm not trapped anymore.
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2016-10-16T01:30:15-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/10/16/doctor-doctor-i-can-see.html", "tags": ["Family","Grief","Growth","Farm Life"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/10/15/death-vs-divorce.html", "title": "Death vs. Divorce", "content_html": "\n“Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.\"”
\nDeuteronomy 31:6 ESV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/a530e2e142.jpg\")
Mr. Virgo was hubby number three for me. My starter marriage was relatively brief...just three years. My second marriage lasted 21 years. Mr. Virgo died just three weeks shy of our sixth wedding anniversary.
For me, the first divorce was probably the easiest to work through because I instigated it. I also was quite young at 23. The second was brutal. I was 47 and very much in love with my second husband when he ended the marriage. I was devastated. Then...I lost Mr. Virgo and I realized what devastation really felt like.
Grief is a path everyone walks at some point in their lives. Not only does everyone experience grief differently, no two grief experiences are alike within the same individual. I grieved deeply over the end of my second marriage and I believe it gave me tools to help when Mr. Virgo died. If one were to \"compare\" the grief experiences between the loss of divorce and the loss of death....death is permanent. You will never have the joy of seeing your loved one again. The sting of rejection in a divorce you didn't want and the pain of seeing the one you love over and over and over, likely with someone new, brings salt to an open wound. You grieve the loss of divorce in a different way.
\n\n\nGrief breaks us wide open. The life we planned is gone. Our hearts are broken in a million pieces at our feet. We sit, staring at the remnants on the floor and wonder how we can possibly pick those pieces back up and put them back together again. In time, we slowly gather the broken bits but the finished object is more like a jigsaw puzzle with missing pieces than the whole heart you had before. And...here's where hope comes in....when you sit in the darkness of your broken heart, there comes a day when you notice the beams of light shining out through the cracked places. You slowly realize you can glow again. You can shine. Never quite the same, but you can shine.
\n\n\nMy faith is what held me together when I lost Mr. Virgo. It took a lot of miles on the open road to see how God knitted my broken heart. The cracks are His way of letting others see Him in me. There is purpose in all things, no matter how painful they are. And that gives me peace.
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2016-10-15T01:30:15-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/10/15/death-vs-divorce.html", "tags": ["Grief","Courage","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/10/14/blue-skies.html", "title": "Blue Skies", "content_html": "\n“The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.”
\nPsalms 34:18 ESV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/61c2b4cb02.jpg\")
I don't talk politics here. It's too personal and too important to trivialize it with merely an opinion or marginalize it with angry rhetoric. There are enough venues to discuss the particulars. I won't do it here. I also won't have the comments run off the rails either. This is my safety zone...this little imaginary ranch where the wild marshmallow grows. And, I'm certainly not endorsing a candidate here. But I've got to tell you...I cannot wait till this is over. I mean, like....if this election were a bear trap and I were caught in its massive steel jaws, I would gladly chew off my own arm rather than spend one more moment with it.
\n\n\nI saw a meme the other day that said this election is like our parents are fighting an ugly custody battle over us and all we kinda want to do is go live with grandma. The hateful, vulgar debacle is enough to depress the most stoic of visages. I want it to be over...and this spoken from a woman who doesn't watch TV. I can't imagine watching this play out on a screen larger than my cellphone...and that's filtered through social media and select news outlets...with the sound off.
\n\n\nI don't know about you, but I just want America to be nice again. Please? I want a world where we don't have to censor the television to make it safe for the kids to walk in the room. I'd like to see mental health statistics based on election years. I want us to just get along. I know this is a naive oversimplification, but I want my grandma. I want her kind face smiling at me. I want to see the twinkle in her eyes when she sees me run in the door. I want a piece of her jelly bread. I want her to cup my face in her hands and blow zerberts on my cheeks. I want her to gather me in her lap and rock me safely in her arms singing \"Bye yo bye yo, baby bye.\" to the tune of \"Rock of Ages\". Instead, I'll snuggle into the big rocker by the front window...with a cup of tea. And pray it will be over soon.
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2016-10-14T01:30:38-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/10/14/blue-skies.html", "tags": ["Grief","Fear","Kindness"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/10/09/crossing-over.html", "title": "Crossing Over", "content_html": "\n“For the whole law is fulfilled in one word: \"You shall love your neighbor as yourself.\"”
\nGalatians 5:14 ESV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/bc93d61393.jpg\")
It's been a long time since I've had a really bad spell with my grief. By \"long time\" I mean it's been several weeks since I've cried or spent a sleepless night. I haven't had a panic attack in several months. Things seem easier right now. Much of that can probably be attributed to being very busy and socially engaged. I'm heading into a stretch now where I'll have a lot more down time on my hands and while I'll be busy writing, I'll still have time to get in my head.
\n\n\nMy wise friend Jamie tells me I can't \"busy\" my way through grief. That just puts things on the back burner. And we all know what happens when you put something on the back burner and forget it. It can boil over and ruin everything. Best to mind the pot and give it a good stir once in a while to keep things from scorching and sticking to the pan.
\n\n\nIt's a balance, this mindful tending. You CAN over stir and you can turn up the heat too high, both leading to disastrous results. Slow and steady. Slow and steady. I feel like I've crossed into new territory here. A new season. I fought getting here because the trade off is feeling Mr. Virgo recede from my grasp...from my memory. The things we did together get pushed further and further in the past. God allows us to heal our hearts and minds by changing our focus. The past gets a bit fuzzy. It takes a great deal of energy to hang on to every image in detail. For me, the softer focus lets my heart ease a bit. It lets me look for the beauty in this new life without guilt. I've crossed over a bridge. It's not the last one. There will be more. But each one crossed makes me stronger, more confident, more hopeful and happier. And a little relieved. It's ok to feel this. It's called growth.
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2016-10-09T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/10/09/crossing-over.html", "tags": ["Grief","Growth","Healing"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/10/04/when-darkness-comes.html", "title": "When Darkness Comes", "content_html": "\n“Let the wise hear and increase in learning, and the one who understands obtain guidance,”
\nProverbs 1:5 ESV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/8775f5add9.jpg\")
I think you all will agree I'm a pretty upbeat person. Oh, I have my moments of sadness but they are less dark and less frequent as time passes. I went to a family wedding over the weekend. Hotels and motels are hard to come by in those parts so I stayed with my uncle and aunt. The aunt that lived here at the farm is staying there so I had an opportunity to visit them the night before the wedding. My aunt's brother and his wife were also there. It was nice to see them. But...it was also very sad. My uncle's wife has Alzheimer's.
\n\n\nThe decline has been rapid over the last year. Each visit brings a new low. These two have always been my role models for relationships. Not that I got it right...not till Mr. Virgo anyway. My aunt and uncle met as teenagers. They've been like newlyweds as long as I can remember. Always smiling at each other and touching, saying sweet love words when they passed in the kitchen. Happiness was a staple. It breaks my heart to see what's happening to them. My poor uncle has his hands full. We are working to get them some help.
\n\n\nMy second mother-in-law had dementia so I am not without experience. My grandma started losing touch at the end, as did my own mother to a certain degree. This disease is a thief that comes in the night and steals the light from within. We sit, helplessly watching them slip further and further away. We listen to the unintelligible babbling when they are sundowning, trying desperately to interpret this new language so we can comfort them. When we can't, they cry in frustration or lash out in anger. What a horrible, horrible disease.
\n\n\nI sat by their older daughter at the wedding. I was offering my sympathy for her...watching her mother fade away like this. She sharply told me I was lucky my mom died so fast. Grace kept me from bristling at that, because we all know...even her...that I wasn't \"lucky\" my mother got sick and died in five days from something completely preventable. But, I can see the blessings in my mother not having to suffer like hers, so I gave my cousin only love.
\n\n\nWe are never prepared for the death of a loved one. But we are even less prepared for the time when their mind dies and their body stubbornly continues to carry on, sometimes for years. We utilize what services are available. We offer treatment as we can. We comfort them. We love them. But this is a special kind of hell for the caregivers of the lost ones.
I know there are many of you who are currently walking this path or have walked it in the past. Let's hear from you. What can we best do to help...both the person and their caregiver(s)? What helped you the most? What was the hardest thing?
Grab a cup of coffee and sit with me a while. Let's chat.
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2016-10-04T01:30:59-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/10/04/when-darkness-comes.html", "tags": ["Family","Grief","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/10/01/over-the-dam.html", "title": "Over the Dam", "content_html": "\n“Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”
\n1 Corinthians 13:7 ESV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/e357ec7544.jpg\")
How many times do we have to rehash yesterday's news before we can put it to bed? I remember after my second marriage ended, I was in Kissimmee, FL visiting a friend. It had been a full year since the grand finale, yet my second marriage still lay smoldering at my feet for all to see.
\n\n\nMy friend had company over one night while I was there. We went out to dinner and, as was my modus operandi, I rehashed the entire ordeal in morbid detail to this complete stranger. She sat and listened carefully, nodding every now and again...which only served to encourage my expansiveness on the subject of \"how I was done wrong\". Finally my friend, who had become decidedly uncomfortable, interrupted and said, \"You know, Ginny...maybe it's time to just leave that alone and move on.\" My immediate response was to bristle. How dare she downplay this horrendous tragedy! She obviously \"doesn't get it\" (even though she was a former psych nurse and \"got it\" all too well).
\n\n\n\"No, no.\" her friend said. \"Let her finish. She needs to tell this story over and over until she's too embarrassed to do so.\"
\n\n\nThat stopped me in my tracks. I think my jaw literally dropped as I mulled over her words. Nope... just like that, I was done. That story was yesterday's news. It didn't make me an interesting person. It made me sound like a pathetic victim. Water over the dam. After all, nothing I said or did was going to change the marital relationship. The only thing I was doing was dragging a sack of garbage around behind me and it was beginning to stink.
\n\n\nThat was a life lesson that has served me well on many occasions, even in my grief journey. Mind you, the story of your loss will never embarrass you, nor should it. And, you need to tell it as many times as you need in order to process it. There did come a time when I stopped introducing myself to new people with, \"My name is Ginny. I'm a widow.\" Not that it isn't relevant. It most certainly is. But, it's something that happened to me. It doesn't totally define who I am anymore. I am so much more than that now. And that is a HUGE step forward.
\n\n\nEvery grief is different. There is no timeline...no right or wrong way to do it. It is yours, and yours alone. For me, there just came a point where I didn't need to tell the story over and over. I got tired of being categorized as \"sad\" and \"lonely\" when that wasn't what I was feeling anymore. Wherever you are in your journey, just keep putting one foot in front of the other. As they say...sometimes the most difficult paths lead to the most beautiful destinations...even though the journey itself is anything but beautiful.
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2016-10-01T01:30:31-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/10/01/over-the-dam.html", "tags": ["Grief","Growth","Healing"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/09/22/the-comfort-zone.html", "title": "The Comfort Zone", "content_html": "\n“Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”
\nEphesians 4:31-32 NIV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/4941e428bd.jpg\")
I don't know what happened to the post I wrote for yesterday. I suppose it got lost somewhere in the airwaves along with the video of my talk Sunday night. Facebook isn't always cooperative, is it?
\n\n\nWhile trying myriad ways to post that video, I had a lot of time to reflect on just how far I've come in the last several years. There was a time when the thoughts of speaking in front of a group of people would have sent me into a tizzy. Stage fright kept me from doing many things I would have liked to do in my life. Community theater, musical performance, and even stand-up comedy are all dreams I've had at one point or another...but fear kept me from pursuing any of them.
\n\n\nOne morning, probably twenty years ago, I was visiting with friends over breakfast at one of my favorite restaurants in Glenwood Springs. Cris Aronson was there. She was the high school speech and drama teacher at the time. Someone was talking about how great life was going for them and, in my best Ethel Merman impression, I started belting out \"Everything's coming up roses...\" Cris whipped around and looked at me and said, \"You can sing!\" I assured her, I could not...even after singing right in front of her. A few weeks later, she called me and said she was directing Fiddler on the Roof for the community theater and she wanted me to come try out. As a matter of fact, she said she chose that musical with me in mind. Oh, no. No...sorry. No way! The thoughts made me want to throw up.
\n\n\nIt makes me sad to look back at that woman who was so afraid. How many opportunities did she miss? How many times did she listen to the opinions of others and believe she wasn't good enough? Countless, I'm afraid. It took a potentially lethal overdose and the death of my handsome Mr. Virgo to bring me out. To strip away the fears that have held me back for so long. And now, look at that beautiful, confident woman in this picture. I'm not saying that to brag...I'm just marveling at the difference. When people tell me I glow, I know where my light comes from. God shines through us when we let Him. It's how we bring light into the world. And oh...this world needs more light! So, I'll keep shining my light at every opportunity. And I'll post pictures. Not in a boastful way...but with love and encouragement. I know I'm not the only one who suffers from stage fright. I'm not the only one who has suffered low self-esteem and anxiety and depression. God knows, if I can do this...anyone can. It just takes standing up. And lots of prayer.
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2016-09-22T01:30:15-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/09/22/the-comfort-zone.html", "tags": ["Grief","Growth","Comfort","Aging"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/09/10/happy-birthday-mr-virgo.html", "title": "Happy Birthday, Mr. Virgo!", "content_html": "\n“Joshua said to them, “Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Be strong and courageous. This is what the Lord will do to all the enemies you are going to fight.””
\nJoshua 10:25 NIV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/ebee0ff64a.jpg\")
You were the brightest star in my night sky. You carried my heart on a velvet pillow. You were my handsome man. You taught me how to live without you. You taught me how to love, how to trust. You showed me there were good men who stay.
\n\n\nWith every passing year, you step back a bit into the shadows. It hurts, but it doesn't. It makes me sad, but it doesn't. Having you, and losing you, have become a part of who I am. As real as my wrinkles and my right arm. You are a part of me. The scars on my heart will mark where you sat in my life. Thank God I can think of you now and smile. Thank God I got to have you.
You would have been 66 today. Instead, you are forever 62. At the top of your game. And...I will always, always love you!
❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2016-09-10T01:30:02-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/09/10/happy-birthday-mr-virgo.html", "tags": ["Grief","Love","Aging","Healing"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/09/05/the-past.html", "title": "The Past", "content_html": "\n“I thank my God every time I remember you.”
\nPhilippians 1:3 NIV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/b20076a005.jpg\")
I have many friends I have never met in person. I have met them through speaking and writing and they are as dear to me as those I have coffee with on a regular basis. One such friend is Susan. Susan is a photographer, a real estate agent, and a really cool NYC diva. She shoots these great, well planned photo series and shows in galleries all over. She has an idea for a series and wants me to come to NY for a photo shoot which I'm really excited about. Susan also happens to be a widow.
\n\n\nI first heard from her the day the New York Times article came out. She had gone to yoga that morning and during her practice she had a vision for this project. She came back to her apartment, fixed her coffee, and sat down with the Times. She noticed my article right away and read it. And, she suddenly felt compelled to contact me. She found Marshmallow Ranch and sent me a private message. We ended up chatting for a couple of hours that day and really hit it off.
\n\n\nYesterday, I went down to a local historic hotel for coffee and the paper before church. As I was sitting there, I noticed Susan was online so I sent her a message to catch up. Mr. Virgo came up in the conversation and she asked me several questions about him. Finally, I told her I wanted to thank her for asking about him. It's been over three and a half years now since he died and people just don't ask about him. No one says, \"Hey...tell me that story again about the time_______\". It makes me sad. It makes me feel like he's invisible, fading from my view. Fading from the view, and memories, of others. I love it when people ask me questions about him. It brings him to the front for a while so we can revel in the memories.
\n\n\nI don't want him to live in the front all the time any more. But it's awfully nice to visit him once in awhile in the company of another. It reminds me he may be gone, but he's not forgotten.
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2016-09-05T01:30:12-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/09/05/the-past.html", "tags": ["Grief","Art","Healing"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/07/19/scaredy-cat.html", "title": "Scaredy Cat", "content_html": "\n“I thank my God every time I remember you.”
\nPhilippians 1:3 NIV\n
These are some pretty dark times in our world. I've never felt the world so disjointed before. We're all so disconnected and it scares me. I hate politics. I rarely watch it and never comment. I watched the opening night of the Republican National Convention last night. I felt pretty discouraged afterward. Not that the Democratic version will be any better. They regurgitate what they think we want to hear. And it's really so disheartening. It just exhausts me and left me with nothing to say last night when I sat down to write this post.
\n\n\nI want kindness and grace. Hope. Honesty. Strength. Let us pray...
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2016-07-19T01:30:15-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/07/19/scaredy-cat.html", "tags": ["Grief","Fear","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/07/18/motivation-monday.html", "title": "Motivation Monday", "content_html": "\n“For the entire law is fulfilled in keeping this one command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.””
\nGalatians 5:14 NIV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/1232f7f5d8.jpg\")
I met a great gal this spring from my hometown. We have a mutual friend who connected her to Marshmallow Ranch because she was just at the one year Angelversary of her husband's death. We met for coffee one day and ended up talking for four hours at Panera! She recently posted this...her \"Dear Self\" note drawn on her hand. I absolutely love this. It really speaks to me. It's a work of art. I have had a lot of \"Dear Self\" conversations since Mr. Virgo died.
\n\n\nGrief takes a life that was a beautiful work of art and slashes the canvas. It smears the paints till they're a muddy brown. No color. No definition. It's so hard to look at that mess with any hope. Yet...look. Something as simple as colored markers on the palm of her hand has shown my friend that there can be beauty again. There can be colors. Sometimes we need a reminder.
There will come a day when you will feel like making the choice to see the beauty in life again. It's a clean canvas. A fresh set of paints. Soft brushes. And new eyes.
\"Dear Self...Today you will shine!\"
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2016-07-18T01:30:36-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/07/18/motivation-monday.html", "tags": ["Grief","Growth","Change","Friends","Healing"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/07/06/after-the-storm.html", "title": "After the Storm", "content_html": "\n“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.”
\nJeremiah 29:11-13 NIV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/13dbe5b21c.jpg\")
And, just like that, the storm is over. Done. I slept twelve hours straight Sunday night. And woke up yesterday morning feeling like a million bucks! I've gotta tell ya, that was a rough one. I haven't been down like that, for that length of time, since the first year or two after Mr. Virgo died. My great grandfather used to say, \"It'll stop hurting when the pain goes away\". He wasn't kidding.
\n\n\nMy camping trip with Little has been postponed to later in the month. Poor thing has been on the run since she got out of school. She needs some down time. We're making our plans, deciding where to go and what to do. She understands this is tent camping and we don't have TOW-Wanda. Her only request is we go horseback riding and fishing. Have I mentioned how much I love this kid??? We're so excited to have this time together! Big has qualified for the state swim meet that weekend. Besides, I would literally have to hogtie and kidnap her to ever get her to camp again anyway. She's twelve, you know. I'll need to come up with something special to do with her before I leave.
\n\n\nI'm glad I have bad days. I don't like them, but bad days make me appreciate the good ones so much more.
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2016-07-06T01:30:10-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/07/06/after-the-storm.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Healing"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/07/05/motivation-monday.html", "title": "Motivation Monday", "content_html": "\n“He replied, “You of little faith, why are you so afraid?” Then he got up and rebuked the winds and the waves, and it was completely calm.”
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/15381f85c6.jpg\")
I've been thinking a lot about my friend Bill's wife. As a new widow, those of us who have walked this path are so painfully aware of where she is in general. Everyone's grief is different, but I would say there are more similarities than differences in those first few weeks. She did so well at the funeral. She is a strong woman of faith and God's light was all around her as she lovingly tended to the bereaved, putting her own grief aside as best she could. I remember feeling like a hostess at a very macabre family reunion. I was disconnected, numb...my daughters turning me this way and that in the direction I needed to go.
\n\n\nI sent this new widow an e-mail with my condolences. I forwarded the e-mail Bill sent me in response to the news of Mr. Virgo's death. My hope is those tender words of comfort in her husband's own writing will soothe her heart. I also sent her a link to Marshmallow Ranch for support should she care to join us. I know how much comfort I receive from you all...surely she will find something meaningful here.
\n\n\nI am surprised at how much I have struggled since I arrived in Colorado this trip. I started out on the wrong foot with altitude sickness. That sent me down a rabbit hole to explore some more of my own grief. Then the news of losing such a vital member of our community and our church family as well as a friend has kept me off balance. I've been doing a lot of self care this trip. Last summer was epic with lots of camping and fun activities with the kids. Yesterday was spent with a migraine the likes of which I haven't seen in quite some time. This summer is entirely different. And, that's ok. It's just another turn in the path, a few more flames to walk through...another layer of the onion to peel back and cry over. I do have a different stress level this year as I prepare my book proposal and my talk in DC in August. Writing this book keeps me coming back and diving into the tough stuff. I swear, there must be a name tag here somewhere, like....Chief of Archaeology, Grief Division. The work is never done.
\n\n\nAs I contemplated this during a mostly sleepless night (the nights...that's when it gets you, doesn't it?) I came upon this passage and read it over and over. It reminds me of the feather tattoo on my wrist. My burdens are as light as a feather because God carries them for me. IF I remember to hand them over! Ahhhhh...there's the rub.
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2016-07-05T01:30:22-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/07/05/motivation-monday.html", "tags": ["Grief","Courage","Writing"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/07/03/from-sadness-to-summer-fun.html", "title": "From Sadness to Summer Fun", "content_html": "\n““Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.””
\nMatthew 11:28-30 NIV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/0588e7300b.jpg\")
Life flip flops on a dime sometimes. I was SO dreading my friend Bill's funeral yesterday. For one thing, I have only attended one funeral since Mr. Virgo died and that wasn't someone I even new, actually. I went in support of the parents. Bill's funeral meant looking at his wife and remembering. Bill's funeral hit close to my heart.
\n\n\nI made arrangements to meet a dear friend at the church. I warned her ahead of time that I wasn't sure how I would react so she was prepared to make a quick exit if it bothered me. The church was absolutely packed. One of Hubby #2's colleagues sat next to me by chance. I hadn't seen him in years. We chatted and caught up which was lovely. The service was an amazing tribute to a man well loved. The only time I teared up was when they presented the flag to his widow. That always gets me. There was a reception after and I stayed so I could visit with people I literally hadn't seen in decades. It was sad that it was under such circumstances but delightful to see so many people who have touched my life. It was a day full of love and grace.
\n\n\nAnd now, I turn my attention to the next thing on the agenda. I am driving back to Denver today to avoid the holiday traffic on Monday. Then there will be the 4th of July festivities. And after that, there is a camping trip with Little. Big has swim practice and has not inherited the camping bug, so it's just me and Little heading out for a week of fun in the mountains! I saw this photo of a bacon s'more on FB the other day. SO not on my diet, but decadent nonetheless! Hope you're enjoying your holiday weekend!
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n", "date_published": "2016-07-03T01:30:48-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/07/03/from-sadness-to-summer-fun.html", "tags": ["Grief","Courage","Friends"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/07/02/amazing-grace.html", "title": "Amazing Grace", "content_html": "\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/b8c584db78.jpg\")
We all suffer losses in life. Usually, our first experience with death, aside from a goldfish or the family dog, is a grandparent. They're older. It's the natural progression of things. I lost my first relative that ripped my heart out when my maternal grandfather died of his fifth or sixth heart attack. It was 28 years before I lost the next one when my maternal grandmother died of a stroke. Four years later I lost my mom, a year later my sweet Uncle Bob. Nine years later, I buried my husband. These were the heartbreakers.
\n\n\nToday, we say goodbye to our good friend, Bill. It wasn't like we hung out socially. I had never been to their home. They had never been to mine. But, he was a caring physician who took care of me many times. I was on his e-mail list for the newsletters he and his wife sent out during their missions overseas. And, I was on his personal prayer list. I read in his obituary that he woke up at 4:00 every morning and got up alone to personally pray for everyone on his prayer list. When he died, that list was twelve pages long. He prayed for every single one, every single day. Even when he was under fire in war torn regions of the world.
\n\n\nI came up to the mountains yesterday so I can attend my friend's funeral. He was loved by everyone he met. His friends, his family, his colleagues, and complete strangers who came through the doors of his ER. Bill was a devout Christian. He loved Jesus with every ounce of his being. I sat with a friend last night reminiscing. Who knows why God took him home at the age of 59? He was training to climb Mt. Kilimanjaro at the end of the year before starting a new mission assignment in January. He was literally at the top of his game...two grown sons happily married. My friend surmised. We are sent here to learn to love. To love everyone, unconditionally.
\n\n\nMaybe...maybe on that beautiful sunny afternoon, a mile up this magnificent canyon, God looked down and said, \"You're perfect. It's time.\"
As I drove through the canyon yesterday, I stopped at the trail head and talked to Bill for awhile. I thanked him for taking such good care of me and my family on so many occasions. I thanked him for all the prayers he prayed on my behalf. I thanked him for being such a good husband and father. And, I thanked him for being such a good and faithful servant. He was an excellent teacher, mentor, and roll model to countless people all over the world. He will be greatly missed but we will meet again.
❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2016-07-02T01:30:52-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/07/02/amazing-grace.html", "tags": ["Grief","Change","Friends"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/06/28/goodbye-my-friend.html", "title": "Goodbye, My Friend", "content_html": "\n“I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.”
\nPhilippians 3:14 NIV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/9f70043eac.jpg\")
A special man died yesterday. I won't identify him by name because he and his wife have been involved in missionary work in extremely dangerous parts of the world. Yesterday, he and his wife were hiking when he fell and hit his head. We know no other details at this time...only that he has died. I'll call him JD, for John Doe.
\n\n\nJD was the ER Doctor during many of my emergency visits when I was struggling many years ago. I believe he was in the ER when I overdosed. He saved me...but more than just with medicine. He prayed for me. I once receive a hand written note thanking me for supporting his ministry and that he had Mr. Virgo and I in his daily personal prayer list....daily, for years. He always told me there was a special reason why God spared me. He knew He had great things in store for me.
\n\n\nJD has been in my prayers many times as well when he was off in foreign lands working in very, very sensitive areas. We still cannot speak of where he was to protect the other workers.
\n\n\nMy heart is broken tonight. A good, good man has left us all too soon. His family are left behind to deal with this tragedy as best they can. If you are the praying sort, please send up prayers of comfort for his loved ones...and all who knew and loved him. He will truly be missed.
\n\n\n❤️???❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2016-06-28T01:30:19-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/06/28/goodbye-my-friend.html", "tags": ["Grief","Memories","Friends"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/06/25/relax.html", "title": "Relax", "content_html": "\n“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters. And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified.”
\nRomans 8:28-30 NIV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/1f41542f53.jpg\")
A day full of self-care is all it takes to make the difference between a roller coaster spinning out of control and smooth sailing. First, thank you for all your words of encouragement yesterday. They help more than you know. I do have to remind myself that it's just been three years. I'm still actively grieving. And, as my sweet friend Jamie points out to me...no amount of busy distraction and exercise can keep me from the work at hand.
\n\n\nMy family heard me. I explained where I am in this journey and that I really do try to do my best. And, my \"best\" varies with the wind. They were understanding, loving, and supportive. I didn't go to Water World and sit in the heat. I worked on my book proposal till mid-afternoon. Then I took a nap. I met the kids for dinner and then my older daughter and I went out to a movie. It was a day of self-care and love and peace and I felt SO much better afterward. Sometimes you just have to take this one day at a time.
\n\n\nI'm staying home today and writing. I finished the chapter summaries yesterday. Today I work on the book summary...sort of a \"Cliff Notes\" version. I'm so excited! I really want this part done so I can move on to the manuscript. This is quite a process!
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n\n“The Lord replied, “My Presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.””
\nExodus 33:14 NIV\n
Photo Credit: omgcutethings.com
\n\n", "date_published": "2016-06-25T01:30:46-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/06/25/relax.html", "tags": ["Colorado","Family","Grief","Writing","Choices","Healing"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/06/24/roller-coaster.html", "title": "Roller Coaster", "content_html": "\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/bf1b281cc9.jpg\")
This photo makes me ill when I think of the grief version. I've been riding this thing for over a week. I'm trying to get a handle on why this time is harder and I think I pretty much have it figured out. First is this wicked heat and altitude. Second is trying to stay hydrated. Those things bring down my defenses. Then....I'm in Colorado. Mr. Virgo is around every corner here.
\n\n\nI haven't struggled for this long since the second year. I'm trying to remember all the things I tell you...all the suggestions. I try to remind myself that, yes I write about grief all the time....but I'm grieving, too. Two different things. The worst part for me this time has been the unpredictability of it. I make plans thinking I'm going to be fine, and maybe I am. But, maybe I'm not when the time comes to do something. I could force myself or I can take care of myself. If I choose self care then I disappoint my young grandchildren.
\n\n\nI hate this part. It's so unfair. I hate disappointing my family. I hate the anxiety. I hate the churning stomach. But...if I focus on that, I actually create more of it. I'm used to recovering at my own pace. Now I have other people's schedules and activities to take into consideration. So, I'm going to change tactics. Instead of committing ahead of time to planned activities, I'm going to say \"I would love to do that if I am feeling up to it at the time. I'm sure you will understand if I am unable to attend. I'm still dealing with loss and sometimes things are really easy, but sometimes they aren't and I don't want to cause disappointment.\"
\n\n\nI understand it is frustrating for my kids and grandkids. But I would be remiss if I didn't demonstrate good self care. All I can do is my best. Surely I'll acclimate to this before too long.
\n\n\nAs far as Fitness Friday goes, I have been unable to exercise for a week and that has added to my frustration. However, the scale shows I've lost 31.4 pounds since 2/28/16. I'll be back on track soon.
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2016-06-24T01:30:55-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/06/24/roller-coaster.html", "tags": ["Health","Grief"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/06/23/on-being-ready.html", "title": "On Being Ready", "content_html": "\n“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”
\nIsaiah 41:10 NIV\n
If not now...when? I asked a sweet friend that question last night. She wants to travel in her camper and work. She can work from her camper. She wants to go. She just has some details to attend to. That's cool. That's all grown up and legitimate. But, if I talk to her this time next year and she hasn't made any attempt to move on her dream, then something else is at play. The biggest obstacle I come across, after not having enough money, is fear.
\n\n\nFear stops us in our tracks. Fear lies to us. The \"what ifs\" mount up till we can't see over them. Fear is a big bully. But honestly...I'd much rather jump out the window than stand burning in the flames. There is always someone out there to catch me. And if He doesn't catch me, He'll give me wings to fly.
\n\n\nI was getting a pedicure yesterday and there were four young women there together. Obviously they were getting ready for an event and at their age, and given it is June, I correctly surmised it was a wedding. I love weddings. And I love talking to young women about to get married. It's one of the advantages of being a crone...I get to mentor. We talked about the importance of keeping up your girlfriend relationships. They asked what I do and I told them about my writing and my camper and how I've put 35,000 miles on my truck in 20 months. I told them about losing Mr. Virgo. Then I pointed to my daughter and grand daughters and told them my most important job is to demonstrate to them what a strong woman does when she is dealt a crappy hand. I need to show them how to be alone and thrive.
\n\n\nI was so touched yesterday when my older daughter told me she is planning to fly to DC to hear me speak in August. I am honored.
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2016-06-23T01:30:19-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/06/23/on-being-ready.html", "tags": ["Grief","Fear"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/06/22/the-power-of-song.html", "title": "The Power of Song", "content_html": "\n“Therefore keep watch, because you do not know the day or the hour.”
\nMatthew 25:13 NIV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/817e232733.jpg\")
My younger daughter has her mama's heart. Soft...tender...loving. She shared this video yesterday and it touched my heart as it did hers.
\n\n\nMr. Virgo's was a snatch death. He was gone within 3-4 hours after having his heart attack. I sat with a woman in Aspen Monday who watched her husband die of leukemia. My heart ached for her loss because it seems so much harder than mine. I cannot imagine losing Mr. Virgo a minute at a time...as so many of you experienced your losses.
\n\n\nI went through hospice training many, many years ago. And before I could get a client, I became pregnant with my second daughter. My hormonal condition wouldn't have helped anyone so I never ended up volunteering. Hubby #2 ran the local hospice and delivered local cancer care before the hospital acquired an oncologist. I was well versed in theory, if not in actual practice.
\n\n\nWhen it is time for me to cross over, I want a threshold choir to come sing me home. What a beautiful, touching service to humanity. God bless these loving people.
\n\n\nWatch \"Singing to the Dying\" HERE.
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2016-06-22T01:30:52-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/06/22/the-power-of-song.html", "tags": ["Grief","Comfort","Courage","Aging"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/06/16/roller-coaster.html", "title": "Roller Coaster", "content_html": "\n“Worship the Lord with gladness; come before him with joyful songs.”
\nPsalm 100:2 NIV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/e6a52a9729.jpg\")
Yesterday was one of those Colorado days that inspire poetry. Not a cloud in the sky. A beautiful drive through the mountains with stunning vistas at every turn. I played tourist and stopped at all the amazing views to take pictures. I was absolutely on top of the world.
\n\n\nI stopped at Vail for a little break and when I pulled back onto the highway, this immense wave of sadness washed over me. The further west I drove, the stronger the wave. Through my tears, I thought it over. Why this moment? Why here? Why now? The most obvious answer is, this is where Mr. Virgo was laid to rest. As the landscape became more and more like the sagebrush hills where he is buried, the more insistent the thoughts of him were. And, I was tired. Very, very tired. I'd been driving for days and I just hit the wall. It's been six months since I visited his gravesite. It was time.
\n\n\nI went to see my brother first. He's doing well. We watched baseball and visited. He doesn't like his new hearing aids. I'm not surprised. He gave me a birthday card. And lots of hugs. We'll visit a couple more times before I head back to Denver. I needed to get to the cemetery.
\n\n\nI was struck by how deep my sadness was. It snuck up on me and totally took me by surprise. I cried harder than I have in quite some time. And once I got it out, I felt much better. It's just that...this still sucks. It will always suck. Sometimes it just sucks more than others. I miss this man. Dammit.
\n\n\nI visited my former neighbors and played with their kids. Then came to my brother/friend's house and sat on the back deck and listened to the creek gurgle. And life is good again.
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2016-06-16T01:30:09-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/06/16/roller-coaster.html", "tags": ["Grief","Healing"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/06/10/the-bridge.html", "title": "The Bridge", "content_html": "\n“Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.”
\n1 Peter 5:7 NIV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/9a13e105ac.jpg\")
A bridge connects two inaccessible points and provides a means for crossing safely over from Point A to Point B. The bridge in this photo carries a portion of the Virginia Creeper Trail where it crosses South Holston Lake in East Tennessee. Imagine how glorious the views are up there!
\n\n\nWe cross a lot of bridges as we pass through the various phases of life. We are never more aware of these than when we are inching ever closer to the final one. I am in East Tennessee visiting my sweet cousin. I have several cousins and I love them all. I was very close to this particular cousin growing up because I had a huge \"little girl crush\" on him when he came home from the Navy. And.....this particular cousin has a terminal illness. We've known for some time. He's having chemo...and, even though it kicks his butt, it has bought him time and given him a better quality of life. For that I am eternally grateful.
\n\n\nYesterday we went out boating on the lake. The day was exquisite...absolutely exquisite. I am honored to be with them, especially now. Now we are becoming slightly more aware there are actually numbers on the days. His wife is being so generous with sharing my cousin with me. I don't take that lightly. They are on a bridge right now. There is a certain uncertainty to this whole situation. We know what's coming...kinda. This is walking grief. The kind you get to visit in the long, dark hours before dawn. It's very raw. And it's very real.
\n\n\nI can't imagine being in their shoes. I am so touched to witness this sweet life-long love they so freely shower on each other. I am honored to bear witness to a life well-lived.
\n\n\n❤️???❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2016-06-10T01:30:12-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/06/10/the-bridge.html", "tags": ["Family","Grief","Fun","Gratitude","Courage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/06/07/the-farmer.html", "title": "The Farmer", "content_html": "\n“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.””
\nJoshua 1:9 NIV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/c1bad804bc.jpg\")
I have a friend who has a farm. He and his wife live on land that has been in the family for decades. They use tractors but also use draft horses for a lot of the heavy work. This is such a throwback. In a time of instant gratification, I admire my friend's infinite patience with these gentle giants.
Plowing a field is not as easy a task as you might think. If a field has never been plowed before, the sod as well as the underlying root system has to be broken into and cut up. After it dries a bit, it is disked then harrowed. This cuts the clods of dirt and roots up into finer and finer pieces. A seed would get lost and fail to grow properly if planted before the ground is prepared correctly.
Walking this grief path is much like cultivating a new field. Death breaks this new ground wide open where nothing can grow. Slowly but surely, time and effort breaks down the soil till even the smallest seed can germinate and become a strong plant with deep roots. To give this new life a chance, you need to tend to the field. You need to water it and fertilize it. You need to keep the weeds out. It takes work to get from one season to the next.
\n\n\nBe a good farmer.
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2016-06-07T01:30:46-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/06/07/the-farmer.html", "tags": ["Grief","Growth","God"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/06/05/to-the-estranged.html", "title": "To the Estranged...", "content_html": "\n“So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.”
\nMatthew 7:12 NIV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/6af9bcec93.jpg\")
It must be very difficult for you to want something when it's too late. When I read your words in the message you sent, I could read between the lines and feel your pain, your anger, your frustration. You want memories. I'm sorry...the memories I have don't include you because you weren't there. Memories can't be given. They have to be created. You want stuff? I sent the things he asked me to send. There isn't anything else. Money? Well, there was debt. You want part of that? I haven't asked that of anyone but if you're offering...
\n\n\nThere are consequences of behaviors. When you do not participate in someone's life, when they reach out and are repeatedly turned away, you don't get to come back three years later and complain you have no memories. I can't make those for you. All three of you made choices. He's gone and now it's you two who have to live with the consequences.
\n\n\nI'm not insensitive to your plight. I tried all my life to have a relationship with my father. Then I got mad and pulled away and wouldn't have anything to do with him, even when he made modest attempts to reach out. I tried again as an adult but we could never have the fairytale ending. We never had the father-daughter dance. My dad was a mean alcoholic who verbally and emotionally abused us. He once stood in front of me in the kitchen with a loaded rifle and begged my mom to kill him. I was 10. When my parents divorced, he moved away, got sober, found Jesus, and married a childhood friend. The man everyone mourned at his funeral was not the same man I grew up with. I didn't know the man we buried.
\n\n\nI don't know what happened between you and your dad. I wasn't there. I know he was a stubborn man...a proud man. I know he didn't understand, nor have any patience for, female drama and angst. He didn't understand being told he was never there for you when he worked such long hours to provide for you financially. He was crushed by your Father's Day Facebook declaration that the day meant nothing to you since you never really had a father. You know he read that, right? Your point was well taken. He gave up trying but, he never...said...a word.
\n\n\nGrief is a difficult path all on its own. Compound it with estrangement and it's a messy affair, to be sure. I hope you find closure somehow. I know it took a while for me. You broke off all communication with me a few months after he died and I have no way of reaching you so I'll just leave this here. You'll probably never see it, but others will and it might help them. I know you and I aren't the only people who are/were estranged from a parent. I will pray for you both for every success, every joy, every moment of peace you deserve.
\n\n\nNothing but love...
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2016-06-05T01:30:11-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/06/05/to-the-estranged.html", "tags": ["Family","Grief","Forgiveness","Choices"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/06/01/tipping-the-scale.html", "title": "Tipping the Scale", "content_html": "\n““Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you.”
\nExodus 20:12 NIV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/3cc08b48a0.jpg\")
Sometimes you just can't outrun grief. No matter how you try to shine the light on it, it isn't going to be pretty. We can't wrap it up in a tidy little box with a pretty red bow on top. We can tap dance till the cows come home...it's not going to change the fact that you still get visited by the gift that just won't stop freaking giving.
\n\n\nIt can be a sunset. The way the light hits the water. A half-empty jar of jellybeans. A song on the radio. A hug from a dear friend. You can be cruising along just fine and suddenly feel as though you've run into a brick wall. I don't know why it works like that. I don't understand grief anymore than you do. I'm no scientific expert. I don't think the scientific experts know anymore about grief than you and I do...unless they personally have walked this path. I've learned what I know from personal experience, just as most of you have. Sometimes I come across something I read that makes sense to me, but mostly I'm just winging this. I'm fortunate enough to receive gifts of insight and I try to share them with you.
\n\n\nOne thing I do know...after some time has passed, the waves are farther apart. They're usually much smaller but every once in a while a big one comes crashing down and the only thing you can do is lean into it and ride it out. I made a conscious decision when the third angelversary came that I wasn't going to talk about grief all the time. I can't. I don't think it's healthy for me to immerse myself all the time. But, I also think it's extremely healthy to open that box every once in a while and acknowledge that there's still pain in my heart and that's ok. That's beyond ok.
\n\n\nWhen my grief reared its ugly head a couple days ago, I took it out and held onto it for a couple days. I let myself feel everything my heart was trying to tell me. I encouraged it to break my heart open again so I could do a little housekeeping in there. And once I get through that, I'm fine. As I wrote this last night, the wave was pretty much spent and I was coasting back in to shore. I'm sure when I wake up this morning, I'll be fine. It's the nature of grief...the waxing and waning of emotion as we try to make sense of something so totally crazy. I'll continue to be fine till the next wave hits because now...I'm ok.
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2016-06-01T01:30:26-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/06/01/tipping-the-scale.html", "tags": ["Grief","Growth","Healing"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/05/31/the-elephant.html", "title": "The Elephant", "content_html": "\n“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
\nPhilippians 4:6-7 NIV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/9611ab9031.jpg\")
A long time ago, my second husband and I lived with an elephant. It was called \"The Things Which Shall Never Be Discussed\". And...we never discussed it. We put a doily on it and called it a table. Eventually, as little elephants are wont to do, it grew and grew till it filled up the room and there was no choice...one of us was going to have to be brave. So, I asked the difficult questions. Which in turn gave me the difficult answers. But, I'd rather have the difficult answers than live with an elephant.
\n\n\nGrief is an elephant in my house. I haven't exactly been putting a doily on it, but I also haven't been addressing it directly for quite a while. And this weekend, the elephant in the room turned right around and bit me. Memorial Day forces me to look for Mr. Virgo. Other things do, too...so maybe it was just coincidental that the elephant woke up this weekend. Who knows? The point is, grief can lie dormant for awhile only to raise its ugly head at the most inopportune moment.
\n\n\nI was driving out the road toward the river. I had experienced a little disappointment earlier. The sun was setting and the light turned that soft golden-green of late Spring, the pink tinged clouds reflecting off the river. And then...Annie's Song came on the radio. Mr. Virgo hired a guitarist regularly to play for happy hour at the Ritz. Some time after Mr. Virgo's death, the Ritz planted a tree in his memory and held a lovely dedication ceremony to which they invited me. The guitarist was there and told how that was the song my husband always requested. The beauty of the day and the melancholic tune broke my heart open...yet again. Then fresh tears came last night when my dear friend Jeanne sent me a picture of the flowers she placed on Mr. Virgo's grave for me for Memorial Day.
\n\n\nSometimes a good cry is all that's needed to clear your vision. It releases hormones that comfort you. I try not to suppress a good cry. And, I'll try not to avoid the elephant so much in the future. Elephants are easier to deal with when they're little.
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2016-05-31T01:30:55-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/05/31/the-elephant.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Forgiveness","Marriage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/05/30/lest-we-forget.html", "title": "Lest We Forget", "content_html": "\n“Record my misery; list my tears on your scroll — are they not in your record?”
\nPsalm 56:8 NIV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/224bb98b08.jpg\")
He was just 25. A small-town country boy from West Virginia. Brilliant. Handsome. Full of promise...full of hope. He had attended WVU and wanted to fly jets. He enlisted as an officer in the Air Force and went to Arizona for flight school. Everyone loved him and were so proud of Sonny.
\n\n\nMy grandparents, my great-grandparents and an aunt drove to Arizona to see my uncle get his wings. My aunt had worked in San Diego, but the others had never been so far from home. It was the trip of a lifetime for them. Grandma kept scratchy black and white photos in scrapbooks along with postcards, napkins and matchbooks from restaurants, and the program from the ceremony. This was truly the story of a country boy done good.
\n\n\nAfter the required training, Uncle Sonny was shipped to Germany to Landstuhl AFB. He had quick assignments in Africa and surrounding countries, but it was peace time in 1955 and his work was routine. The pilots had a daily flight schedule for continuing education and keeping their skills sharp. They had to put in a certain number of flight hours.
\n\n\nMay 5, 1955 dawned with a cold, thick fog. Sonny arrived on the flight deck as scheduled but the plane he was supposed to fly was grounded. There was another plane available. It was older and was actually en route to become a static display. It had had three engines replaced in as many days, but someone made the decision to send the young pilot up for his required flight time.
\n\n\nThe preflight check was accomplished and the airman was aloft when he noticed the plane seemed sluggish. He wasn't gaining altitude as expected. He circled the airfield but the groaning engines just would not lift him higher. He knew he was going to have to set it down, but he was rapidly approaching the barracks and administration buildings filled with staff. It was against his nature to eject and let the plane crash, especially if it risked injuring innocent people. He noticed to his right, a freshly plowed field and headed there. He nearly made it, when his right wing clipped a tree and caused the plane to cartwheel out of control. My sweet Uncle Sonny...the man who carried me high over his head when he rejoiced my birth...was found still strapped in his ejection seat in the mud of a German potato field, mortally wounded.
\n\n\nThe news came in a telegram. \"We regret to inform you...\" The family collectively died that day. It was a couple of weeks before he came home in a flag-draped coffin. Grandma kept smelling his wallet, relieved there was no smell of smoke. It was a time of brokenness that was far reaching. It affected everyone, including us littles as we were being raised in the shadow of profound grief.
\n\n\nWhen Mr. Virgo died, I was handed the folded flag from his coffin, just as he received the one from his father and I from mine. We live these free lives of ours on the backs of such great men as George Chadock, Daniel McKinney II, Daniel McKinney III, and Olin Roush. May they forever be remembered for their sacrifices. May they forever rest in peace in the arms of their Father.
\n\n\n❤
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2016-05-30T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/05/30/lest-we-forget.html", "tags": ["Family","Grief","Holiday","Memories"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/05/11/music-from-the-heart.html", "title": "Music From the Heart", "content_html": "\n“Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.”
\nJohn 15:13 NIV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/036d942dbc.jpg\")
For a very long time after losing Mr. Virgo...my world went dark and silent. I saw no colors. I heard no music. There was no real joy except when I hugged my children and grandchildren and when I snuggled down in TOW-Wanda. I was floating in this cosmic wasteland, searching for something I remembered...something familiar. Something that was now far removed from me. I had a sense things would eventually come back into focus. I did everything I could to move the time line along, but there was no way that was going to happen. I had to just resign myself to the fact I was going to have to ride this one out.
\n\n\nI started seeing color again in the second year. Music came back into my life in the third year. This year...my year to thrive...has seen a virtual explosion in my life. My heart is full to overflowing and love is splashing everywhere. My mind has opened and I'm learning and growing. Age is blessing me with cahunas big enough to shoo away the negatives and draw the positives very close. God is blessing me with the most beautiful people in my life and such amazing opportunities. Wisdom and discernment are gifts of age and man, am I glad those two finally showed up!
\n\n\nI love how music has filled my life again. Special songs with poignant lyrics keep turning up to fill my heart. I throw the door open wide and invite them in. Bring your friends...we're celebrating. Life, love, spring, rain on the camper roof, the smell of new mown grass. Curried salmon. Juicy fresh berries. Thunder. And...Blue Velvet...At Last...The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face. I'm drunk with the love of life. This is the hope I wished for. I prayed for this. This is me...living life again. There may very well be dark days on occasion but now that I know this is possible, those dark days don't scare me anymore.
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2016-05-11T01:30:54-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/05/11/music-from-the-heart.html", "tags": ["Grief","Comfort","Courage","Be Joyful!","Healing"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/05/05/the-puzzle.html", "title": "The Puzzle", "content_html": "\n“Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.”
\nRomans 12:9-10 NIV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/dcae7a2ca6.jpg\")
When you lose your loved one, a giant gaping hole is instantly ripped in your heart. It is ragged and bloody and sends horrible sounds up your throat and out of your mouth. These guttural wails are the initial rages of acute grief...raw and unimaginable. They come of their own free will. There's no rhyme or reason to it. Three months after Mr. Virgo died and I had returned from my journey through the wilderness of Colorado, I was beginning to cook for myself again. I was rummaging in the spice cabinet when I moved a jar aside and saw it. Mr. Virgo's secret stash of jelly beans. There were only a couple handfuls left. I crumpled. I laid my forehead on the counter and wailed. Sounds I didn't know I could make...the ragged sobs coming from someplace deep within like a wounded animal.
\n\n\nIn time, the wretched wound began to heal around the edges and take on a somewhat familiar shape...like the missing piece of a puzzle. I tried to stuff anything I could in that hole to stem the bleeding of my soul. I had a couple \"relationships\"... desperate attempts to replace what I had lost. I soon came to realize the futility of that endeavor. I spent too much, ate too much, traveled too much. I finally swore off adding any new relationships for a year and cut back on everything else.
\n\n\nSomewhere this spring, as the new grass peeked it's fresh green shoots toward the sun and life returned to my winter weary soul, I slowly recognized the shape of that hole in my heart. It is the exact size and shape of my memories of Mr. Virgo. I puzzled over this for days. What would happen if I just took those beautiful memories and slid them right in that space? I tried...and at first it seemed impossible. I turned them this way and that. I had a death grip on them for fear letting go would mean they would slip away from me and no longer be mine. I would lose him, all over again. And...I couldn't bear that. So I had a talk with God.
\n\n\n\"What are you doing, my child?\"
\n\n\n\"Oh, it's YOU! You startled me...I was concentrating.\"
\n\n\n\"Yes, I've been watching you. What you have here is a puzzle.\"
\n\n\n\"It's like one of those puzzle boxes. I have this piece...all my memories of Mr. Virgo. And I can see this hole in my heart here exactly matches. But, try as I might, I can't get it to fit.\" ***grunting as I push and shove. I finally sit back on my heels in frustration.*** \"Can you help me?\"
\n\n\n\"Ahhhh, I've been waiting for you to ask. You've been really struggling with this. Tell me what is bothering you...why are you holding on so tightly?\"
\n\n\n\"Because...I'm afraid.\"
\n\n\n\"What is your fear?\"
\n\n\n\"I'm afraid if I let go, I'll forget him.\" I hung my head in sadness.
\n\n\nGod wrapped His arms around me and said, \"I know. It's scary because you aren't remembering something really important.\"
\n\n\nI look up at the sunset in front of me. \"I don't understand. I've remembered everything.\"
\n\n\n\"Look at the sunset that I've given you. Does the shape of the sun ever change?\"
\n\n\n\"No, of course not.\"
\n\n\n\"You're right. It is the same every single day...even when clouds obscure it from view, the sun is the perfect shape and it still sets...day after day after day. Why do you suppose that is?\"
\n\n\n\"Because, You made it so. I trust that it's there, even when I can't see it.\"
\n\n\n\"Well, if I can make something so big and wonderful as sunsets, don't you think I can help you slip this puzzle piece in and hold it for you?\"
\n\n\n\"He won't disappear?\"
\n\n\n\"Did the sun?\"
\n\n\n\"No.\"
\n\n\n\"I promise, I'll take very good care of your memories. You've been carrying them so tight, you can't do anything else. Here, hand them to Me...let Me slip them in your heart. I'll keep them safe.\"
\n\n\nI looked down at the package of memories. I could see them in there...our wedding, and standing on the edge of the Grand Canyon, and our last Christmas. I could see our laughter, our hands together, our lovemaking on a rainy afternoon in September. I could see the way he looked at me with such love in his eyes. I looked up and said, \"Ok. Here. You can have them.\"
\n\n\nGod carefully took that precious bundle, gently took my hands from their grip on the edge, and slipped that perfect piece into the perfect place. It was an exact fit. \"It's not going to feel the same as it did before, my child. You'll always feel the rough edges. I put them there to remind you he is here. He will always and forever be right here and you can visit him any time you want, ok?\"
\n\n\nI felt lighter. I felt something special had happened. I felt my heart suddenly become full again. God let me fill what had been a ragged, awful, gaping wound with the most perfect package of love and light...my husband. It feels so much better now.
\n\n\n❤
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2016-05-05T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/05/05/the-puzzle.html", "tags": ["Grief","Comfort","God","Healing"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/05/01/coffeewithlove.html", "title": "#CoffeeWithLove", "content_html": "\n“He has remembered his love and his faithfulness to Israel; all the ends of the earth have seen the salvation of our God.”
\nPsalm 98:3 NIV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/10207b6c8f.jpg\")
My Sister friend Michelle had a running bet with her dad. If she had snow in her North facing yard on May 1st, he owed her a cup of coffee and if she didn't, she bought him a cup. He died on May 1, 2013 just six weeks after Mr. Virgo. She really misses her dad and thinks he might have won the bet this year...and sure wishes she could buy him that cup of coffee today.
\n\n\nHow many times have we thought, \"If I could just talk with him one more time, I'd be ok with this.\" That's a lie we tell ourselves, of course. Because you wouldn't be ok. You just want to barter with God. Unfortunately, it doesn't work that way.
\n\n\nSo, in honor of Michelle and her wonderful dad, her friend Frank suggested we all buy someone we love a cup of coffee on May 1st, then Christy suggested we tell about it and use the hashtag #CoffeeWithLove to share it. I think that's a great idea! Let's make it a \"thing\"!
\n\n\n❤️☕️❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2016-05-01T01:30:31-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/05/01/coffeewithlove.html", "tags": ["Grief","Love","Friends"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/04/26/finding-our-better-selves.html", "title": "Finding our Better Selves", "content_html": "\n““Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe also in me. My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going.””
\nJohn 14:1-4 NIV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/ba52b62900.jpg\")
I'm gearing up for my next birthday. I'm going to be 63 in June. Remember when 63 seemed REALLY OLD? OMGosh! It's all a matter of perspective, isn't it? We go through so many passages in life. The time between our own parenting to watching our kids parent flew by in a heartbeat. During that time, I went through many incarnations of my self. I held several jobs in different fields. I explored various religions and philosophies. I became a Christian. I was married and divorced and married and divorced and married again. And I was widowed.
\n\n\nOne would think that surely I would have found my true self somewhere along the way with all that. But honestly, I think it took losing Mr. Virgo to send me far down deep within myself to find out who I really am...who I have become because of my grief. Here are some things I've learned. Let me know if any of these resonate with you and what things life or grief have taught you.
\n\n\nI am much more compassionate. I see so much more of the world's pain than I ever did before. This has made me more sensitive to the needs of others.
\n\n\nI am much stronger than I ever thought I was. I have lost that one person I thought I could never live without. And here I am...living.
I have an infinite well of love in my heart. Somewhere in the last year, my capacity to love and feel and open my heart again returned with a vengeance. I never would have believed I could feel love in my heart for people after losing Mr. Virgo. Yet here I am...loving everyone. My heart is wide open and I receive every bit of love that's thrown my way and turn right around and hand it off to others.
I am willing to take risks. By losing Mr. Virgo, I realized how \"safe\" we played things. I wouldn't say our life together was necessarily boring, but we had a pretty set routine and were comfortable with that. I live much closer to the edge now. I want to see and experience new and exciting things.
\n\n\nI am not exactly fearless. A certain modicum of safety consciousness is healthy. But, I no longer dread trying new things. I keep the hounds of anxiety pretty much chained in the back recesses of my mind instead of running rampant. Nothing much scares me anymore.
\n\n\nI have a deep, lasting, personal relationship with God and I find great comfort in that. I have discovered the joys of knowing and trusting Jesus as I learn from His teachings. I have learned to trust the whispers from the Holy Spirit as it guides me through my daily living.
\n\n\nI have learned forgiveness. I no longer take the bitter poison of anger and resentment. I have learned that hurts no one but me. I've also learned to forgive myself for being a fallible human.
\n\n\nI think the biggest thing I've learned is to be grateful in all things. While there was never a day that Mr. Virgo and I missed an opportunity to express our gratitude to one another, it took losing him to really appreciate all I had with him here. Now, I am particularly careful to let those I love know I love them and how important they are to me. Because, WE know. Those who have lost know just how tenuous that thread of life really is.
\n\n\nThese are the things I've learned. And life goes on.
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2016-04-26T01:30:46-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/04/26/finding-our-better-selves.html", "tags": ["Grief","Aging","Choices"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/04/23/for-isabel.html", "title": "For Isabel", "content_html": "\n“Examine yourselves to see whether you are in the faith; test yourselves. Do you not realize that Christ Jesus is in you—unless, of course, you fail the test?”
\n2 Corinthians 13:5 NIV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/d61f719cd0.jpg\")
\n\n\n", "date_published": "2016-04-23T01:30:27-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/04/23/for-isabel.html", "tags": ["Grief","Comfort","God","Friends"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/04/21/gone-too-soon.html", "title": "Gone Too Soon", "content_html": "\n“Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.
\nMatthew 5:4, 8 NIV\n
Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.”
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/2828d22728.jpg\")
They're all gone to soon, aren't they? There are women here whose dear husband died of cancer or an accident. Or on the floor of a travel trailer while choosing one for retirement. But, I often hear from readers whose loss was not a parent or a sibling. Or a spouse. It was a child. Some, multiple children. There are mothers here whose child was an adult and killed in the line of duty or in a car accident. There are mothers here whose child died by their own hand...by choice. There are mothers of drug overdose victims. Any manner of reasons.
\n\n\nThen there are the mamas who lose their babies. That is unthinkable. Something that was supposed to be uneventful...easy peasy. Just grow a baby, deliver it, and you're done. Sometimes it doesn't workout that way. Sometimes God takes that baby back home. A sort of \"Borrowed Angel\" as Kristen Chenowith sings about. What do you say to that mama and daddy? To the Nana and Papa? The Gram and Gramps? The aunts and uncles and cousins. The devastation must be unimaginable.
\n\n\nI don't know what to say. I can tell them I love them. That my heart is broken alongside theirs. I can offer a hug, or a cup of tea. I can pray...a lot. In researching this, I discovered something I didn't know. When a woman is pregnant, there are a few of the baby's cells which cross the placenta. They enter the blood stream and they make their way to their mama's brains. And there, they lodge themselves and actually become part of the mama's brain. It's called \"microchimerism\". The mama will carry her baby in her brain cells the rest of her life. That is a comforting thought to me for some reason.
\n\n\nThe other thing I found while researching this, was this beautiful song by Daughtry. If you are hurting, I hope this brings you peace.
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2016-04-21T01:30:01-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/04/21/gone-too-soon.html", "tags": ["Grief","Strong Women","Comfort"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/04/10/tennessee-redbud.html", "title": "Tennessee Redbud", "content_html": "\n“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”
\nPsalm 34:18 NIV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/3da9b1ca43.jpg\")
This is a wonderful day. I've never seen this one before. ~ Maya Angelou
\n\n\nI can't remember my last difficult day. I no longer pontificate each sadness that washes over me. I haven't had a \"bad night\" in a few months. I don't hold my breath as much anymore. My tongue is no longer pressed to the back of my teeth in an effort to keep from screaming. My tears are sweet reminders of a precious love instead of gut wrenching sobs of relentless sorrow. There is measurable, palpable relief oozing from my soul.
\n\n\nThinking back over the last three years, I vacillated between thinking I would never, ever get past this to seeing far off glimpses of light at the end of the tunnel. There's no finite \"end\" to grief. It is my lot in life. It is what I live with. But it no longer defines me. There was a time in the not so distant past that I led off many new introductions with, \"My name is Ginny. I'm a widow.\" As if it were some sort of 12 Step program and I was stuck on the first one. Grief was my primary language. I remember those days. I remember how painful they were...how confused, frustrated, and flat out angry it made me.
\n\n\nEach day is a beautiful gift. Each experience is an opportunity to stretch beyond who I was yesterday toward who I'll be tomorrow. Each morning is a time of great anticipation and each night brings a moment of quiet reflection and sincere gratitude. And in the middle is \"now\". These are the days after death row. The sentence has been commuted. These are the days I wanted to know in my heart were coming, but wouldn't have believed were possible.
\n\n\nThese are wonderful days. I've never seen them before.
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n\n“This is the day which the Lord hath made; we will rejoice and be glad in it.”
\nPsalms 118:24 KJV\n
***Oooooooh...tomorrow's Monday. Something BIG is coming Monday. That's tomorrow, by the way. Be sure you come back and read tomorrow's post.***
\n\n", "date_published": "2016-04-10T01:30:54-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/04/10/tennessee-redbud.html", "tags": ["Grief","Gratitude","Be Joyful!","Healing"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/04/09/a-different-kind-of-grief.html", "title": "A Different Kind of Grief", "content_html": "\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/77c7009d65.jpg\")
I lost Mr. Virgo in a matter of hours. The shock that kind of death brings is stunning. You cannot breathe. I have often thought to myself how, if he had to die, at least he went quickly and relatively pain free. But what about these people who are given a death sentence way out in front? I cannot imagine what they go through.
\n\n\nWell meaning people say things to the spouse like, \"Well, at least you have time to say goodbye.\" Or, \"At least you know it's coming.\" Seriously? How can knowing be any comfort? How can any amount of time prepare you for such a loss...especially when you pretty much know what lies ahead and it ain't gonna be pretty? That is horrifying to me. I am blessed to be in the presence of two wonderful people who are walking that path right now with more courage and grace than I can imagine.
\n\n\nI am in the beautiful state of Tennessee. The redbud and dogwood are competing with the bright green of the undergrowth for top billing. There is a party of color in the mountains and valleys of Tennessee and Kentucky that is a feast for the eyes and a balm for the winter-weary spirit. My cousin and his wife moved here last year to live closer to their kids. They're going to need them. He was diagnosed with mesothelioma over a year ago. They've been married for fifty-some years. They are the best of friends and the truest of sweethearts. I see them together and see what Mr. Virgo and I would have been like, given the same circumstances.
\n\n\nMy cousin's wife is incredibly brave. She knows full well what's coming and she is facing it with grace. You can feel the low undercurrent of fear. You can see it flicker in her eyes when we dance close to discussing the future. But this is a strong West Virginia woman. She is organized. She is getting fit...physically, mentally, and spiritually. She is a Warrior Princess, preparing for the battle of her life.
\n\n\nMy cousin has an amazing attitude. He's not going to go sit in his chair and wait for the grim reaper. He's out and active. He hunts, fishes, rides his side-by-side in the woods. He's busy preparing the house to be maintenance free so his wife will be able to handle it when he's gone. He built a canning kitchen in one of the garages by the house so he can practice one of his most joyful hobbies. He is happy, upbeat, and present. He exemplifies mindfulness. He enjoys every moment, savoring it like sipping a hundred year old single malt scotch. It burns going down, but fills him with a warmth from within.
\n\n\nIt is an honor to be here. It is a privilege to witness this kind of love. It is touching to see them in their love dance, gliding across the floor of life...heads held high, hands firmly clasped, focusing only on each other. Here. Now. It's a tragically beautiful thing. I love them immensely and I'm so very proud of them.
\n\n\nTheir hands hold each other. God's hands will catch their tears.
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n““Show me, Lord, my life’s end and the number of my days; let me know how fleeting my life is. You have made my days a mere handbreadth; the span of my years is as nothing before you. Everyone is but a breath, even those who seem secure.”
\n\n\n***?Monday, Monday...check back that day...?***
\n\n", "date_published": "2016-04-09T01:30:30-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/04/09/a-different-kind-of-grief.html", "tags": ["Family","Grief","Comfort","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/03/30/carry-me-onward.html", "title": "Carry Me Onward", "content_html": "\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/09e34196de.jpg\")
My legs will be 63 in 10 weeks. They've carried me a long way, these gams of mine. A month ago I got winded climbing one flight of stairs. That was alarming. I have a lifestyle that demands a certain level of fitness if I want to keep it up. Yesterday, I walked uphill and pulled my personal best time in 3K. Then I went and walked the Quincy steps again. It was still a struggle, but every time I do something physical, it's a little easier than the last time.
\n\n\nMr. Virgo wasn't into fitness. He was into survival. He walked 12-16 hours a day, 5 days a week. Sometimes 6 or 7 days a week. The last thing in the world he wanted to do was work out. And I was perfectly happy to sit at home, eat like a truck driver and keep gaining weight. Oh, seriously...I wasn't huge. But I was unhealthy. I have another week before I take my \"after\" photos of the 24 Day Challenge with Advocare. I'm sure looking forward to it because I can feel the difference...not only in the way my clothes fit but also in my mood and my energy level.
\n\n\nWe owe it to ourselves to be as healthy as we can be. It makes us more fun and interesting to be around. And it makes our life more interesting to ourselves. Today, I'm working upper body and giving my legs a break. Towanda!
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2016-03-30T01:30:07-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/03/30/carry-me-onward.html", "tags": ["Health","Grief","Growth","Fitness","Healing"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/03/26/time.html", "title": "Time", "content_html": "\n“She dresses herself with strength and makes her arms strong.”
\nProverbs 31:17 ESV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/214d4d1dc2.jpg\")
Time is a slippery sucker. Just when you think you have a handle on everything...you think you have things figured out...you realize how fluid it is. It's delicate and as fragile as crystal. Yet it's flexible and tenacious.
\n\n\nThere are moments that you cannot wait to let go of. When someone has rubbed salt in an open wound, it is so difficult to send that person love and light. But, I have found, that is the only way to release the tentacles of the past and live free of their grasp. When you mark the first angelversary of your loved one's passing, as my new friend and a fellow Rancher did yesterday, you are released from the bondage of the fog and given a small reprieve...much like coming up for air while being swept down the rapids of a raging river. It's only when you get past the roughest section that you realize there's more to go. That's the bitter sweetness of that moment in time. There is more passed than what lies ahead. But...I'm here to tell her...it passes. It passes.
\n\n\nThen there are moments of pure sweetness...small gifts from God and the universe. Moments that you might have missed if you hadn't walked through the flames that burned away any filters and allowed you to actually SEE. Moments that touch your soul and bring life back into you like rain to a desert flower. These are gifts that I gather, hoarding them in my heart lest I suffer another drought.
\n\n\nTime is not our enemy. Time is the Keeper of the Keys.
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2016-03-26T01:30:30-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/03/26/time.html", "tags": ["Grief","Choices","Healing"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/03/12/angelversary.html", "title": "Angelversary", "content_html": "\n“Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.”
\nPsalm 90:12 NIV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/1293d37d97.jpg\")
I so wanted to write a beautiful, totally upbeat story today about how wonderful my life is and how up and optimistic I'm feeling and how this day is just like every other day in my hap-hap-happy life. Yesterday morning, I could do that. And tomorrow, I'll more than likely be able to. But today? Well, in all honesty...I don't know how today is going to pan out. I can tell you, however, that I am writing this on Friday afternoon and Friday afternoon, I crashed and burned.
\n\n\nI was fine all day yesterday. Really fine. I exercised with my trainer/friend. We had a nice lunch and sat out in the sun. I ran errands. I took a little nap. I went to City Park to walk some more. And, that's when it hit me. That incessant witch in my head that insists on pointing out every happy fricking couple driving through the park...walking together...holding hands on a warm, sunny, spring day. Today I hate them. Thankfully, tomorrow I won't notice them. But today, they suck.
\n\n\nBut...here's the good news. Here's what will give you hope. Even as I sat in my truck at the park, hands on the wheel, unable to get out, tears rolling down my cheeks to drip off my chin, momentary bitterness consuming me....even with that, a text came in offering understanding and a prayer that my angelversary goes well. And I knew, this angst and bitterness is, indeed, momentary. I haven't had a long stretch of melancholia in a long time.
\n\n\nThe uplifting text brought me out of my reverie and I dragged my feelings home to deal with them in a constructive way. I grabbed a beverage, turned on the gas campfire on the deck, and caught some great shots of the sun setting over my beloved Ohio River...its glassy surface reflecting the clouds. I settled into my chair and listened to the peepers calling from the pond across the cornfield. The phone rang and my spunky friend from high school called to check in and see how I'm doing. I'm doing fine, really. It's just that...in that moment...it really sucked.
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2016-03-12T02:30:51-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/03/12/angelversary.html", "tags": ["Grief","Wisdom","Anger","Choices","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/03/04/in-the-times.html", "title": "In the Times", "content_html": "\n“You’ve kept track of my every toss and turn through the sleepless nights, Each tear entered in your ledger, each ache written in your book.”
\nPsalm 56:8 MSG\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/ecb1d63496.jpg\")
(For those who may have missed the New York Times article, I am printing it here. Some people have said they cannot access it without buying a subscription to the paper.)
\n\n\nYOUR MONEY
Financial Guidance for Widows Struggling Through Grief’s Fog
By KERRY HANNON FEB. 19, 2016
“My husband and I had decided life was too short,” recalled Ginny McKinney, “so we went shopping to buy a travel trailer to take us into an early retirement.” That was three years ago.
“While standing in the fourth trailer that we were considering, he had a heart attack and died,” she said. Dan McKinney was 62.
\n\n\nMs. McKinney was 59 and retired from her work as a medical assistant, although she was taking on occasional work to make a little extra money. Her husband was getting ready to retire from his post as a restaurant manager at the Ritz Carlton Club at the Aspen Highlands Ski Resort in Colorado.
\n\n\nLike Ms. McKinney, one-third of the women who become widows are under age 65, according to data from the Women’s Institute for a Secure Retirement, known as Wiser, a nonprofit organization dedicated to women’s financial education and advocacy. The Census Bureau reported in 2011 that the median age of widowhood was 59.4 for a first marriage and 60.3 for a second marriage.
\n\n\nNo one is ever prepared for such an event. But for many women, the road to financial hardship begins after their husbands die. Nearly a third of single women over age 75 are living in poverty, according to Wiser’s research.
\n\n\nMs. McKinney is not one of them. The couple had some savings, and she was the recipient of his $150,000 life insurance policy. Nonetheless, the sudden loss turned her world upside down. “He carried my heart on a velvet pillow, and I was crushed,” she said.
\n\n\nOne of her first moves after the funeral was to connect with a certified financial planner, Danielle Howard of Wealth by Design in Basalt, Colo., who made it clear from the start that Ms. McKinney needed to share responsibility for her finances and not leave everything to her adviser.
\n\n\n“Some women are heads of households and managing it all,” Ms. Howard said, “but probably 75 percent of women I’ve worked with just go, ‘I am not good at math.’ It is not a matter of being good with math, I tell them. You can use a calculator. You just need to be comfortable talking about it.”
\n\n\nMs. Howard urged her client to increase her financial literacy. “That education is vital to getting your feet back on the ground,” she said.
\n\n\nLike most widows, Ms. McKinney is living on a lot less than before her spouse died. “The big-picture look at widows is that there’s almost always a loss of income,” said Cindy Hounsell, the founder and president of Wiser. Women also generally live longer than men, making it even more important that they plan their finances carefully.
\n\n\nFor reasons she still doesn’t fully understand, two weeks after her husband’s sudden death, Ms. McKinney headed back to the travel trailer dealership to pursue the dream she had with her spouse. She bought a 15-foot Sportsmen Classic.
\n\n\n“I took off for three months, driving a circle around Colorado,” she said. “I went to places in the wilderness and on the top of mountains, where I could stand outside and scream at the sky, and scream at God for taking my man. And scream at him for leaving me.
\n\n\nShe also joined the Sisters on the Fly, a women’s empowerment adventure group. “The group made me feel I wasn’t a victim,” she said. “I wasn’t the only one who had gone through this.”
\n\n\nSince her husband’s death, Ms. McKinney has put tens of thousands of miles on her truck and trailer. “I’ve done a lot of driving, but I haven’t done anything exorbitant,” she said. “I didn’t go around the world.”
\n\n\nIndeed, widows need to make their initial financial moves cautiously. “There’s a sense of urgency to do something right after you lose a spouse, but I caution widows to recognize the psychological trauma and don’t do anything hastily,” said Eleanor Blayney, author of “Women’s Worth: Finding Your Financial Confidence” and consumer advocate of the Certified Financial Planner Board of Standards. “Widows, in particular, have to be very careful about being taken advantage of by people who may or may not have their best interests at heart.”
\n\n\nOne stumbling block for many widows is knowing where the money is. That often requires some sleuthing to locate savings accounts, brokerage accounts and retirement plans — and identifying the proper online passwords. “The first step to piecing things together,” Ms. Blayney said, “is digging out your joint tax returns for the past five years.”
\n\n\n“An ounce of prevention is everything,” Ms. Blayney added. “Anticipating widowhood is tough, but the more financial information a woman can gather in advance of the loss of a spouse, the smoother it will be.”
\n\n\nThat’s easier said than done — even when the death is not sudden. Five years ago, Joyce McCue, now 63, and her husband of 30 years, Richard, moved to McLean, Va., from Memphis for his job as vice president for Hilton International. Six months later, he learned he had throat cancer. He died a year after their move at the age of 55.
\n\n\nHer spouse had a $2.5 million life insurance policy. But when it came to what to do with it and other family investments, she was at a loss. “I was always totally bored when we went to our financial planner,” Mrs. McCue said. “I controlled the day-to-day finances. I paid the bills. I balanced the checkbooks. But he did the big-picture stuff.”
\n\n\nShe did have one thing in her favor: She knew how to control her spending. “Richard and I always teased each other,” she said, “because my motto was always ‘Do we need that?’ and his motto was ‘Let’s get two.’ ”
\n\n\nShe hired a financial adviser, Eileen O’ Connor, co-founder of Hemington Wealth Management in McLean. “It was quite intimidating,” Mrs. McCue said. “I felt like I was asking questions a kid in high school would.”
\n\n\nAnd, like Ms. McKinney, she joined a women’s support group. “Widows are able to share and help each other with the challenges they’re facing and resources,” Ms. O’Connor said. “While I’d like to think I’m helpful to my widowed clients, I think they find as much support, or more, from peers that are going through the same ordeal.”
\n\n\nMost financial planners suggest that widows refrain from investing or spending any lump sum insurance or pension payout for at least six months and ideally a year. Some widows, however, overspend early after the death of a spouse.
\n\n\nThat’s one mistake Ms. McKinney made. “If I had it to go over again, I would not take that life insurance in one lump sum,” she said. “I would have had it divvied out. You’re not thinking that first year.”
\n\n\nAmong other things, she gave some large gifts to her adult children. “Somehow it felt like it might soften things, ease the pain — however irrational it is,” she said.
\n\n\nAn even more important decision is where to live. “That’s an emotional one because the family home is often the locus of the marriage,” Ms. Blayney said. “It’s not just a financial decision; it is a very emotional decision.”
\n\n\nMs. McKinney waited a year to sell the couple’s 1,700-square-foot home in New Castle, Colo., which sold for $260,000. “After I came back from my trip, I never moved back in,” she said. “I realized I was living in my camper on the front curb and using my house as a really expensive laundromat. I didn’t love the house anymore.”
\n\n\nAfter paying off the mortgage and upgrading to a 250-square-foot travel trailer, she had $63,000 left. “For now, I draw from that for living expenses,” she said, “so I don’t touch my retirement savings.”
\n\n\nLike Mrs. McCue, Ms. McKinney found new life through sharing with others, writing a blog on Facebook for widows and forming fresh bonds with the women she met through Sisters on the Fly.
\n\n\n“They’re a hoot,” she said. “I needed to have something joyful to look forward to and there they were.”
\n\n", "date_published": "2016-03-04T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/03/04/in-the-times.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Sisters on the Fly","Courage","Choices","Widow","Press"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/03/03/the-best-advice.html", "title": "The BEST Advice", "content_html": "\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/af0c476402.jpg\")
As a follow-up to yesterday's question, what was the very BEST advice or remark you received in the days-weeks-months after losing your loved one? What was most helpful, most touching, most understanding?
\n\n\nI'm writing an article on the best and worst things to say to someone who is grieving and you can help me by sharing what helped you the most.
\n\n\nMost people want to say the right things, they just don't know how. Our society encourages us to sweep death and grief under the rug. My aim is to clean house and get the topic out on the table in a loving way.
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2016-03-03T02:30:58-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/03/03/the-best-advice.html", "tags": ["Grief","Healing"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/03/02/the-worst-advice.html", "title": "The WORST Advice", "content_html": "\n“The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.”
\nProverbs 12:18 NIV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/d1026c4761.jpg\")
We've all heard it. Those remarks that absolutely cut you to the quick. Things you can't believe a thinking, feeling human being could possibly think would be helpful. Things that, if you weren't in such a fog to realize how awful they were, you just might strike someone a blow to their forehead and scream, \"Get away from me with that!\"
\n\n\nI'm all about focusing on the positive. I try to bring goodness and light to this page every day. And I believe people have the best of intentions when they speak to the bereaved. They just don't know how to. We are uncomfortable in the society talking about grief and death and loss. It's painful. It's messy. It hits too darned close to home and makes people uncomfortable. They want YOU to feel better so THEY can feel better.
\n\n\nI'm writing an article on what NOT to say to someone who has suffered loss. You can help me by sharing. What is the worst advice or remark you were given when dealing with grief? Tomorrow, we'll get to what was the best, but today....give me those things that just weren't helpful. We need to educate the masses.
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2016-03-02T02:30:33-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/03/02/the-worst-advice.html", "tags": ["Grief"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/02/28/be-brave.html", "title": "Be Brave", "content_html": "\n“Instruct the wise and they will be wiser still; teach the righteous and they will add to their learning.”
\nProverbs 9:9 NIV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/a42c3f7f30.jpg\")
I was always a little weird. Never picked for first string on any team. Never felt totally comfortable in my skin. My nose was too big or I was too loud. I didn't come from money and I had no self esteem. Few people really \"got me\" but those that did were my strongest and loudest proponents.
As I walked the path of \"wife\", I was not always in the most nurturing environment. I questioned myself and my abilities. I measured my self worth through the opinions of others. I was so afraid. My deep seated fear of abandonment kept me in situations long after they became unhealthy. I was a withering vine. I felt weirder than ever. Why wasn't I like the other wives? It was crazy making.
As I walked the path of \"mother\", I hovered and directed and lived vicariously in ways that choked my children's self confidence. With #2 especially. I wasn't strong in my faith and raised children who have little to none. That saddens me. I failed them in many ways. But I love them fiercely so I pray that makes up the difference.
\n\n\nMr. Virgo was, quite literally, my gift from God. That first year we were together, I related story after story reflecting beliefs about myself and time after time, he held my hand and looked in my eyes. In his most sincere voice he said \"Sweetheart, that simply is not true.\" Over and over. He convinced me of my worth. He showed me I have value. He brought me closer to God. He explained that the world is more beautiful with me in it. He told me I changed his life and made him a better man. Through all of this, he taught me survival skills I did not have. God knew I needed Mr. Virgo. And He knew he didn't have much time, so He had to work really hard and fast to help me find myself.
\n\n\nWhen that sweet man, my best friend, cheerleader, and life coach died, my world was shaken and I slipped back a bit. I forgot some of the lessons while I was lost in the fire. But the fog has lifted and I am brave again. I embrace my quirks and differences. My nose is the perfect size for my face. My laugh is contagious. Money doesn't matter. And it's ok if people don't always \"get me\". I do.
\n\n\nNormal is overrated. It is a laundry setting. It's too far in the box. Face the world with the courage to embrace your weirdness!
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2016-02-28T02:30:33-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/02/28/be-brave.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Change","Uncategorized"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/02/25/saudade.html", "title": "Saudade", "content_html": "\n“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.”
\nProverbs 3:5-6 NIV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/7d40003460.jpg\")
I follow an author on Twitter that had a list of descriptive words for feelings. I came across saudade. Three syllables. Soh-DAH-deh. It's from Portuguese Folklore meaning an intensely strong yearning for someone who is no longer with you. Saudade. I've never found a more accurate word to describe what goes on in my heart some days. It even sounds appropriate.
\n\n\nMost days I'm fine. The beast remains tamed...mollified with promises that we'll revisit this whole thing like Adelle in \"Hello\"....later, later. Compartmentalized. Then, along comes something...anything, nothing, doesn't matter...along comes this thing and the Gatekeeper starts rummaging through his key ring to open the lock on my heart. I hear him coming, his footsteps echoing down the long corridors of my mind and I moan somewhere deep within. Because I know what's going to happen when he gets where he's going. Saudade.
\n\n\nThe Gatekeeper came yesterday. I had just finished writing a post for the Sisters on the Fly Blog. I set my laptop aside, leaned back in the chair, closed my eyes and listened to the sounds of a stiff rain mixed with the soothing meditation music I listen to when I write. The phone interrupted my reverie a few minutes later. It was my daughter. My baby. There was a breathless excitement in her voice. She is engaged!
\n\n\nSaudade. The Gatekeeper came creeping in on Doc Martins...crushing grit between his soles and the doorstep to my heart. Mr. Virgo would have loved this. He would have held my hand while I heard the news. He would have taken the phone and said, \"Congratulations, baby doll!\" He would have started planning the wedding in his head, because that's what he did for a living. It's hard when the happy family events occur and he's not here with me.
\n\n\nI let the Gatekeeper have his way with me. And it wasn't so bad. I've certainly felt worse at his hand. After talking with them, telling them how much I love them, listening to the details of just how the proposal went down, hearing the love in their voices....we rang off and I sat there, alone. Saudade. Saudade. Thank you, Lord. Saudade.
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2016-02-25T02:30:28-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/02/25/saudade.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Growth","Wisdom","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/02/24/the-pile-of-rocks.html", "title": "The Pile Of Rocks", "content_html": "\n“Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from him. Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are children born in one’s youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them. They will not be put to shame when they contend with their opponents in court.”
\nPsalm 127:3-5 NIV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/3ae2913b74.jpg\")
***I originally posted this story nearly two years ago. It never hurts to revisit topics and the number of Ranchers has increased tremendously since then. Here is the reprisal of the rock story.***
\n\n\nMy younger daughter wears her heart on her sleeve, just as I did when I was growing up. She's the fixer...the tender-hearted one who wants everyone to be happy. It took me many, many years to finally gain the insight I needed to help her. She thinks in analogies much as I do, so this is how I taught her to take care of herself in her relationships and daily interactions.
\n\n\nGod gives us all a pile of rocks. There are big rocks that represent the big things in life like family, jobs, houses, health. There are medium sized rocks for the average things we have to deal with like friends and laundry and soccer practice. Then there are small rocks for the mundane trivia of life like grumpy store clerks or the guy that cuts you off on the freeway. God gives us extra rocks sometimes for those unexpected crises like a death in the family or the unexpected loss of a job. But, HE never gives us more than we can carry. The problem comes when WE pick up rocks that are not ours.
\n\n\nPicture, if you will...we are sitting in a great big circle with everyone we come into contact with on a typical day. We're all sitting here with our pile of rocks in front of us. Just the right number of rocks. Just the right amount that we are capable of carrying because we need to take them home with us at the end of the day. Suddenly, the woman across from you says something hurtful to you. If you internalize and take that personally, she has just thrown you one of her rocks and you dutifully stacked it on your pile. Now, seated a few folks down is your best friend. She's having some major issues in her life right now and she wants someone...anyone...to carry this burden for her. So you reach over and gladly take a few of her rocks because that's what friends do, right? You sit here all day, every day, in your circle...getting rocks thrown at you and picking up others until you can't even SEE over your pile, let alone pick it up and carry it back home!
\n\n\nIt's one thing to get up, walk over to your friend, and help her carry a particularly heavy rock for awhile. It's quite another to try to carry everyone else's rocks in addition to your own. Let others carry their own rocks. It makes them stronger. Stop trying to own the world's problems. Honestly, you cannot live long enough to fix them all.
\n\n\nOnce my daughter really absorbed this lesson, to this day she'll tell me some big drama that's going on in her life and when I meet her with a silent pause, she'll say \"I know, I know...it's not my pile of rocks!\" Remember this the next time someone throws rocks at you.
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2016-02-24T02:30:41-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/02/24/the-pile-of-rocks.html", "tags": ["Grief","Growth","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/02/22/missing-pieces.html", "title": "Missing Pieces", "content_html": "\n“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.”
\nProverbs 4:23 NIV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/8c626c9119.jpg\")
I used to love to do jigsaw puzzles. I had a table set up where I could spread out and enjoy solving it, piece by tiny piece. And each piece gave me more of the big picture. Life after the loss of your loved one is like a 1,000 piece puzzle with a ton of pieces missing. And sometimes they're the critical ones...the ones that helped you identify what it is you're shooting for.
\n\n\nWhen I lost Mr. Virgo, I did well to find the pieces with the straight edges. I couldn't tell which end was up...or the top from the bottom. I picked up piece after piece and put them down. They were meaningless. My life was meaningless. But finally, I found a random piece that matched another random piece. I'd get a few pieces together and get stuck. So, I'd have to set them down and try a different pattern or color for a while.
\n\n\nI've been diligently placing pieces in this puzzle for nearly three years now. Sometimes I've thrown a handful on the floor, only to go pick them up and pray I didn't lose any pieces. Sometimes I've had to stand up and walk away for awhile. But I always come back. I like the colors. The picture that's developing is beginning to look familiar. I've been here before. And...the closer I get to solving the puzzle, the more glaringly obvious the missing pieces become.
\n\n\nOne missing piece...besides losing Mr. Virgo himself...one HUGE missing piece is hugs. Gosh, I miss hugs. Oh, don't get me wrong...I hug, a LOT! I hug everybody. But, there are hugs. Then there are ......HUGS. A hug has to last at least 20 seconds to release the feel-good hormones. I'm afraid most of my friends would feel awkward after two or three seconds. I'm a pretty darned self sufficient girl, but I can't provide my own hugs!
\n\n\nHow about you? What parts of your puzzle, besides your loved one, are you missing most?
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2016-02-22T02:30:39-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/02/22/missing-pieces.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/02/21/the-funeral-home.html", "title": "The Funeral Home", "content_html": "\n“You, Lord, hear the desire of the afflicted; you encourage them, and you listen to their cry,”
\nPsalm 10:17 NIV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/a298fed5d8.jpg\")
My aunt buried two husbands. She has never stepped foot in a funeral home since. It's been 25 years. I never quite understood that till yesterday. I went to the funeral home with several of my classmates after we met for coffee yesterday. I've been once before since Mr. Virgo died. It was someone from church. A young man who died from a drug overdose. I wasn't that close to the family. I did fine.
\n\n\nYesterday? Not so much. I hugged my friend and did my best to comfort her. One by one, my classmates hugged her. I was fine till she broke down in sobs and it broke my heart. For her. And for me. I had compartmentalized that huge dose of raw anguish and haven't looked at it in a long time. You can't avoid it when it's smacking you in the face.
\n\n\nIt wasn't too long till one of my friends tugged me by the elbow and said, \"Let's go outside.\" I was so grateful. I felt like a deer in the headlights and I'm not sure how much longer I could have stood there. When we got outside, she asked if I was ok. She said as soon as Deb started crying, I was shaking like a leaf. I was surprised because I didn't feel that. I just felt trapped...and torn. On the one hand I wanted to support my friend. On the other, I wanted to run like hell out of there.
\n\n\nMy way of handling stress has been forever altered by grief. I didn't take inventory of my feelings yesterday at the funeral home. Instead, I tried to be strong for my friend where she of all people would have understood if I would have just said, \"I'm here for a hug, honey...and I can't stay.\" She's lost a husband. She understands.
\n\n\nGive yourself permission to not be perfect. Give yourself all the time you need to grieve. Don't make excuses for why you can't do something. If you can't, you can't. It's ok.
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2016-02-21T02:30:37-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/02/21/the-funeral-home.html", "tags": ["Grief","Choices","Control"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/02/20/nytimes.html", "title": "NYTimes", "content_html": "\n“a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance,”
\nEcclesiastes 3:4 NIV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/49c2b2777e.jpg\")
I was walking down Grand Avenue in Glenwood Springs, CO the first week of January when the familiar \"ding\" came from my cell phone. I had a new message. \"Can you call me right away? Danielle\". Hmmmmm, when you get an urgent message from your financial advisor, you drop what you're doing and call! She told me a reporter that had sought her out for comments a couple of times wanted to know if she had a client who would be willing to be interviewed for an article on widowhood and retirement. Danielle immediately thought of me and my journey and wanted to know if I was interested. I was thrilled that she thought of me but when I found out it was for the NYTimes, I must say I was at a loss for words. Yes. Me. At a loss for words. Hard to imagine, isn't it?
\n\n\nAfter receiving the contact information, I sent an e-mail introduction to Kerry Hannon. Kerry has written 10 books on women and finance and finding your dream job, including \"Finding the Job You Want After 50 For Dummies\" and \"Love Your Job: The New Rules for Career Happiness\". We arranged to have a phone conversation the following Wednesday. I was a little bit nervous. And a whole lot excited!
\n\n\nWednesday found me at a table in my go-to coffee shop...The Bluebird Cafe in Glenwood. I moved to that little town in 1986 so I saw many familiar faces as I waited for my call. Wouldn't it be lovely if my ex-husband were to come in and say hello, only to be interrupted by the phone ringing. \"Oh, my gosh! Sorry, I have to take this...it's the NYTimes calling for my interview. SO good to see you! Kiss, kiss!\" (Sorry, I couldn't resist that. Actually, he was thrilled for me when I shared the link with him yesterday. He's a good guy!)
\n\n\nKerry quickly put me at ease and we had a wonderful, hour-long animated conversation. We not only talked about my loss and the subsequent financial issues. We also talked about writing books and publishing. She was very gracious and offered some connections, one of which I have made. I feel like I've made another friend and I hope our paths cross again.
\n\n\nSo, here it is...the long awaited article. Kerry is a lovely writer and the photographer caught me in a pensive moment as I was listening to some of the Sisters on the Fly chat right outside the trailer door at the Denver Fly Fishing Show. The online version here went live yesterday and the print version is available on newsstands today. The article is in the finance section. There's good advice here. I hope it helps and I'm so terribly honored to have been featured.
\n\n\n\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2016-02-20T02:30:12-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/02/20/nytimes.html", "tags": ["Grief","Courage","Choices","Change","Press"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/02/17/a-burden-shared.html", "title": "A Burden Shared...", "content_html": "\n“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.”
\nPhilippians 2:3-4 NIV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/45e9967ee6.jpg\")
Is it just me or has the world gotten meaner? I had dinner with a friend the other night and was presenting my theory and I think it is valid. I walked in a fog of grief and pain for over two years after Mr. Virgo died. I have just in the last 6 months or so felt like I'm waking up and rejoining the human race. I'm different, certainly. But, I am much more aware of what's going on outside of my shell now. And, I've gotta tell ya...this world has gotten mean. Was it always like this and I had my rose-colored glasses primly planted on the bridge of my nose? Perhaps. Was I so in love and enjoying Mr. Virgo's relatively new presence in my life that I wasn't really paying attention to the world around me? I'm sure. Did it get meaner while I was checked out in my grief battle? I truly believe so.
\n\n\nI've never been particularly vocal about politics. Like religion, I feel that is a personal issue. I don't want someone pushing their agenda on me so I certainly don't push mine on them. There have been 44 Presidential Elections since this country was founded. I have been eligible to vote in 7 of them. I grew up during the political unrest of 1968. I've witnessed the assassination and attempted assassinations of past Presidents on television. I know what it felt like to lose JFK, MLK, and Bobby Kennedy. I'm not about to touch the third rail and get into a political debate here, but merely from a sociological and anthropological standpoint, I am deeply troubled by what I am witnessing.
\n\n\nThere seems to be so much hatred in the world. So much anger. There seem to be fewer social boundaries defining what is and is not acceptable behavior when in mixed company, let alone on national television. I cleared out my personal Facebook page and unfollowed those whose rants were upsetting to me. I don't watch television. I read very little print media. I do catch my news online from trusted media outlets. But there is a fine line between protecting myself from the angry rhetoric and putting my head in the sand. It bothers me that no one skipped a beat when Justice Scalia died...they went right into screaming matches over the next appointment to the Supreme Court. It took till today for me to see a post by a member of congress expressing his condolences to the widow and family. What is wrong with us? Where are our manners? What happened to our humanity?
\n\n\nThere are many of us here who have an intimate understanding of what's going on in the Scalia house this week. I'm embarrassed to say I know very little about the man's politics. I'm looking at this purely as an empathetic human. And my heart is with a new widow.
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2016-02-17T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/02/17/a-burden-shared.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Fear"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/02/14/broken-hearts.html", "title": "Broken Hearts", "content_html": "\n“Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his faithful servants.”
\nPsalm 116:15 NIV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/b760845c04.jpg\")
There are broken hearts around us on Valentine's Day. Love lost breaks hearts. I know. I've had many broken hearts. The death of a loved one devastates hearts. I know this, too. There are so many circumstances that are more tragic than mine. The loss of a child. Or grand child. Or of suicide. I cannot comprehend this loss. I pray that I will never have to.
\n\n\nYesterday I received news that my dear friend, Deb, lost her eldest son in a tragic accident. It was a senseless loss. I have been grieving and writing about death for three years and I still feel helpless and without words to comfort my friend. So, I'm turning to you. Deb is a reader here. There are many of you who have lost children. What were some of the things people said that helped you? What can we do to help?
\n\n\n?
\n\n\nPhoto Credit: Deviant Art
\n\n", "date_published": "2016-02-14T02:30:30-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/02/14/broken-hearts.html", "tags": ["Grief","Prayer"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/02/12/when-two-become-oneagain.html", "title": "When Two Become One...Again", "content_html": "\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/f343e5f8d2.jpg\")
I've been trying to remember my last Valentine's Day with Mr. Virgo. By the calendar, I see it was a Thursday. I must have been at home working in my studio because my activity log on FB shows me doing a lot of networking. Marshmallow Ranch was a business page at the time. I was exchanging info with other \"makers\" to reach more people. I'm sure I spent a good deal of time online that day. I probably made a lovely dinner for my sweetheart. I do remember him coming in with flowers (an orchid, maybe?) and a little heart shaped cake. I know he gave me the sweetest Valentine's card.
\n\n\nI had no way of knowing this would be the last one. He was gone 26 days later.
\n\n\nThis will be my 3rd Valentine's Day without Mr. Virgo. Third...thirteenth...thirtieth. What difference does it make? Gone is gone. When two become one, it opens a hole in your heart, in your life...in the world. I know many to whom it is just a day on the calendar...in this case, Sunday. I know some who still can't breathe. I have survived the first year when it felt like my brain was wrapped in gauze. I have survived the second year when my brain sizzled and burned...like a pat of butter in a too-hot pan. And now the third. The third is different. I've adjusted to being alone...for the most part. I no longer think about him every moment of every day, yet he lives in my heart. I no longer feel the sting of tears when I see his picture. I haven't cried myself to sleep in a long time...yet, when I stumble upon some tangible evidence of his presence in my life, it still accentuates his absence.
\n\n\nI was filling out a form online yesterday. When I came to the box for \"marital\" status, my choices were \"single\", \"married\", or \"divorced\". Something like that used to trip me up in the past. I can still call myself Mrs. even though Social Security says I am no longer \"married\". Yet, I'm not single. I'm on my own. It made me think about the passages we go through in life. When we marry, two become one in many ways. We move over in the framework of our lives to fit another in beside us. If we aren't careful, we get smaller so that, if we lose the one we love, it feels as though we have had half of us amputated. And in time, slowly...ever so slowly, we become more \"whole\". Not the same as before. No...not nearly the same as before.
\n\n\nI don't feel like half a person, most of the time now. There's just this hole in my heart, and in my life, and in the world. I used to fill that hole with shopping, eating, busyness... Now I cram it full of stories, and pictures, and music, and lots and lots of love. I fill it with big hugs that I give away like candy. I fill it with time spent with special people. I fill it with as much fun as I can muster. I fill it with raucous laughter. I fill it with my writing. Each word I write places another stitch in the gaping wound of my heart. The hemorrhaging has been stemmed and smaller stitches have been placed. Things are healing. I promptly address little leaks here and there. And now I am trying my hand at some decorative embroidery. I'm creating a stronger heart...a kinder heart...a gentler heart from the wounded one.
\n\n\nI am becoming one.
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2016-02-12T02:30:48-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/02/12/when-two-become-oneagain.html", "tags": ["Grief","Gratitude","Love","Holiday","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/02/10/valentines-day.html", "title": "Valentine's Day", "content_html": "\n“Not that we are competent in ourselves to claim anything for ourselves, but our competence comes from God.”
\n2 Corinthians 3:5 NIV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/301d446a7c.jpg\")
It is right around the corner...that day where the world goes all soft and happily Hallmark on us and we don't have a date. The first Valentine's Day after Mr. Virgo died was brutal. It was just a month before the one year angelversary and my heart was feeling everything. The fuzzy gauze of that first year of grief was beginning to lift making everything worse. Those feelings of loneliness, abandonment... of being glaringly alone without my Valentine caused a lot of bad words to fall out of my face.
\n\n\nI've been reading some wonderful writers the last couple of days. One in particular I'd like to share with you today. Mark Liebenow speaks of cursing and grief....something I have had a great deal of experience with. Letting our grief out, giving it a voice, is a necessary process toward healing, something I read by Rachel Stephensen.
\n\n\nI stood on mountain tops, beating my chest, my head thrown back, my gut wrenching sobs keening on the early summer breeze. I won't go on...I'll leave you to read this timely post as I'm sure there are more here than me that can peel the wallpaper off the walls, cussing a blue streak.
\n\n\n\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n\n“Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.”
\n1 Peter 5:7 NIV\n
Photo Credit: glutenfreegigi.com
\n\n", "date_published": "2016-02-10T02:30:59-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/02/10/valentines-day.html", "tags": ["Grief","Holiday","Choices"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/01/30/are-you-rich-or-are.html", "title": "Are you Rich or Are you Wealthy?", "content_html": "\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/2e723aa8e9.jpg\")
I have lived a lot of lives. I grew up with just enough. A pound of hamburger fed four people. The garden out back gave us the rest. We wore hand-me-downs and were tickled to death with the cast off toys of other kids. We were clean, neat, and used our best manners. A lot of what we had was provided by the kindness of others though I was not aware of that at the time. I never felt poor.
\n\n\nI married young. We didn't have much. We did our best. We had a baby. The marriage didn't work. I lived in HUD housing. I got Food Stamps and WIC. I was pretty poor by all definitions. I lived in an unsafe neighborhood. I had to watch my baby like a hawk. I took what work I could find. I was grateful for the help. Yet I still never really felt poor. Slowly, I moved up the food chain.
\n\n\nI married a medical student. We worked hard. We created a life. A life that ever so slowly became more and more affluent. I forgot what it was like to be poor. I was haughty in my richness. I took it for granted. I thought I would always be a domestic goddess. It didn't turn out that way.
\n\n\nI slipped down the ladder several rungs. It was good for me. It opened my eyes to more important things. Like God. And faith. And hope. And love.
\n\n\nI met Mr. Virgo. He had nothing but a suitcase and some pots and pans. But he had God. And he had a spirit the size of Texas. He had a smile that was brighter than the sun. He had a hug that assured me he would lay his life down for mine. He had blue eyes that captured the stars like diamonds and fed my soul with them. He had stories that carried me to far distant lands to vistas the likes of which I had only seen in books. He had a heart that was solid gold which he gladly presented to me...every single day...on a blue velvet pillow. He had a laugh that sent tears down my cheeks till I couldn't catch my breath. He had a touch that was so gentle it knitted up all my wounded places. He gave me uncountable, unprecedented, unfathomable gifts.
\n\n\nAnd then he was gone.
\n\n\nBut...he left a certain truth about the huge difference between the riches of money and the wealth of love.
\n\n\nIf the time should ever come that I have spent my very last dime, you may rest assured of this..........my darling Mr. Virgo has left me very wealthy in my heart.
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2016-01-30T02:30:41-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/01/30/are-you-rich-or-are.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Grief","Growth","Insight"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/01/29/the-space-between-us.html", "title": "The Space Between Us", "content_html": "\n“For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs.”
\n1 Timothy 6:10 NIV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/3312b80bb0.jpg\")
In the moment after Mr. Virgo died, I had no grasp of what had just happened. I mean, one minute we're talking and laughing in the camper, discussing its merits and the next, he was on the floor, uncommunicative. We quickly went from floor to gurney to ambulance to ER to Cardiac Cath Lab to...dead. One hundred eighty minutes, tops. In my shock, I couldn't grasp where he had gone. The sensation that he had just gone shopping without me and he'd be back any minute really stuck with me for awhile. Or, maybe he was at work. Or he went to get his hair cut. But, there came that fateful day when I had to put away all the fantasy and accept he was gone. And he wasn't coming back.
\n\n\nThis was replaced with an urgent game of \"Send me a sign! Let me know you're still with me.\" I have been told by my more fundamental Christian friends that he is with God and there will be no interaction, no communication, no whispers or touches, no cold breezes or butterflies or bluebirds, no manipulation of lights and music. They tell me he is gone. And, while I consider myself a Christian, until everyone of those naysayers go to the other side, come back, and call us all together with the absolute facts of what it's like, I'm going to assume there may be some flexibility in the interpretation of \"with God\".
\n\n\nI have had too many instances since Mr. Virgo died. I cannot believe they just vanish into heaven and we never hear from them again. I call this \"The Space Between Us\". There is much that occupies this space between us. There's time...the time we have to wait to see them again. The time that has passed since we saw them last. The time when we come close to them for hugs and love and reassurance. The time when they come close to us to see us...to make sure we're ok. The time is felt physically. It's felt emotionally. It's felt intellectually. It's a very real thing, to me anyway.
\n\n\nThis \"time\" between us can be our enemy. We can resent it. It can make us angry. It can cause us pain. And sometimes it does these things when we aren't strong enough to step out of the negative side.
\n\n\nOr this time between us can be a positive thing, if we allow it to be. It's all in how we look at it.
\n\n\nAs a Christian, the day I die is going to be a glorious thing! I will be met by my beloved family members, angels in their own rights, and escorted to the pearly gates. I will be introduced to St. Peter and spend a little time with the formalities before I get an audience with God...and with Jesus. This is what I know awaits me. This is what Mr. Virgo knew awaited him as well. While I miss Mr. Virgo's physical presence, how can I begrudge him of the most amazing experience any of us who are Christians will ever, ever encounter? I mean....really! He got to see Jesus first! What an amazing, amazing experience that had to have been for him!!! A life's fulfillment for him. And I always wanted him to have everything his heart desired.
\n\n\nYes. Yes....I still miss that handsome man's company. I always will. But, he occupies the space between us now. He is waiting for me, with Jesus. And someday, when my time here is through...they will reach out their hands for me.
\n\n\nAnd I will go with them. But in the meantime, I will be the best I can be...here.
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2016-01-29T02:30:56-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/01/29/the-space-between-us.html", "tags": ["Grief","Humbled","Insight","Healing"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/01/28/the-leaky-bucket.html", "title": "The Leaky Bucket", "content_html": "\n““Am I only a God nearby,” declares the Lord, “and not a God far away? Who can hide in secret places so that I cannot see them?” declares the Lord. “Do not I fill heaven and earth?” declares the Lord.”
\nJeremiah 23:23-24 NIV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/70ca791fc8.jpg\")
When I was on my three month odyssey in little TOW-Wanda, I had nothing but time and space before me. I had freedom from employment and family obligations. I drove where I wanted, slept when I wanted, and ate what I wanted. I literally laid back in the stream of life and let it take me with it. It was an intense period of purging grief that not everyone gets to experience. And in just that short period of time, I had so many revelations....about God and the Universe, about love and loss, about life and finding the courage to move on through the rest of it without the man I loved more than anything. And, since I think in analogies, let me share an insight with you.
\n\n\nLife is like a leaky bucket. The longer you live, the more holes it gets in it and the faster you have to scoop \"water\" in to keep it full. Because...that's the purpose of life, isn't it? To have a full bucket...a complete, successful, happy life with a full to overflowing bucket. But, remember those holes? They're sneaky little devils. You don't even realize you're getting them till they're there.
\n\n\nWhat if I told you the goal in life isn't to keep filling your own bucket? What if I told you the goal of life is to let your bucket get completely empty? Scary, right? I mean...all your \"stuff\" is in that bucket! Your life, your love, your security, your accomplishments, your hopes, your dreams. Well, here's what I discovered in the wilderness of Colorado. When you let your bucket empty out, your life becomes still. Your mind quiets down. Your soul becomes peaceful and you are at rest. No frenetic activity trying to fill and refill your bucket in an endless attempt at fulfillment. Just...peace. And...here's what happens when you have an empty bucket with lots of holes in it. When you drop it into water, the water rushes in to fill the bucket from the outside. Remember those gems that I've told you to pick up out of the flames you've been walking through? Remember I told you if you didn't have an immediate use for, or understanding of them to just stick them in your pocket because they will come in handy down the road? Well, I'm about to tell you what they were for.
\n\n\nThere's an infinite Source of sweet, flowing water in the most scorched wilderness. You'll see the rivers and streams...evidence there's something greater up ahead. Follow those streams till you come to the Source...a spring from which flows healing waters, straight from God. Kneel down and dip your bucket in. See how the water rushes in the holes, filling your bucket with the purest, freshest sparkling water imaginable? But, what happens if you lift the bucket and try to walk on your way? It starts leaking out all those holes and soon you have nothing left! Try again...dip in and fill the bucket. Now, reach in your pocket and take out those beautiful gems God left for you in the flames of your grief journey. While your bucket is still submerged, reach in one at a time and place the gems into the holes. See? They're a perfect fit! Pull your bucket out. No leaks!
\n\n\nThis was the whole purpose of looking down as you walked through the fire.....these gems that God left there for you. Some were nuggets of wisdom. Some were bits of insight. Some were sources of comfort. But some.....some were designed to fit the holes in your bucket so you could fill it with God and be refreshed and restored.
\n\n\nWhen you find yourself on life's road with a leaky bucket, remember to look for the hidden gems on your path and go to the Source to be re-filled. It's really just as simple as that.
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n\n“Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.”
\n1 Peter 5:6-7 NIV\n
Photo Credit: Pinterest
\n\n", "date_published": "2016-01-28T02:30:14-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/01/28/the-leaky-bucket.html", "tags": ["Grief","Growth","Insight"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/01/24/wanda-belle.html", "title": "Wanda Belle", "content_html": "\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/01ccf42eaf.jpg\")
Today is my sweet mama's Angelversary. It's been 12 years...it hardly seems possible. It took a full decade, and losing Mr. Virgo, before I stopped trying to pick up the phone on Sunday nights to call her. She died just six weeks before her first great grandchild was born. Oh...she would have loved these girls!
\n\n\nMy mom was \"Mom\" to all my friends. She loved them all like her own. And the feelings were mutual. We had lots of slumber parties at my house and Mom had as much fun as us girls did. I could make my mom laugh till she could hardly catch her breath and that was one of my greatest joys. That woman loved to laugh and she deserved every bit of it she could get. She didn't have an easy life.
\n\n\nBorn in Mishawauka, Indiana in 1925, Wanda Belle was the oldest surviving child of six...three boys and three girls. She wrote with an exquisite Spencerian script that I envied greatly. She was an exacting seamstress and an equally exacting taskmaster as I was learning to sew. I ripped out countless seams that weren't up to her standards. We didn't always see eye to eye about a lot of things. I am not proud of some of the ways I treated her growing up, even though she warned me of such a risk. But I loved her with abandon.
\n\n\nShe was an overprotective mother, especially when it came to my brother, Gary. She never pushed him to do more than what she thought he was capable of due to his cerebral palsy and a developmental disability. I remember he got lost once while trying to take the public bus to her office and she was scared to death. I understand it more now because there isn't a human being on this planet that owns more real estate in my heart than my brother and my immediate family. She did the best she knew how.
\n\n\nShe absolutely had a heart of gold. I was frustrated with her once because she had a full one quarter of her basement filled with clothes that didn't fit her. When I asked her why, she said she just wanted to help those poor people trying to have yard sales so she would buy things she thought were pretty or had a high quality fabric that she could reuse. Never mind that she hadn't sewn anything since I graduated from high school. But that's how she was...kind, generous, loving...quite naïve to the ways of the world.
\n\n\nShe is my Angel Mama now, and my, oh my.....she surely would have LOVED Mr. Virgo! She would have thought, as I did, that he was movie-star handsome and she would have basked in the glow of his affections, as we all did. I picture him dropping by to take her out for coffee up in heaven and spoiling her more than just a little bit. She deserves that.
\n\n\nI miss you, Wanda Belle!
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n", "date_published": "2016-01-24T00:24:01-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/01/24/wanda-belle.html", "tags": ["Family","Grief","Love"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/01/23/time-to-say-goodbye.html", "title": "\"Time\" to Say Goodbye", "content_html": "\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/1e74a531ae.jpg\")
No, not it IS time to say goodbye. There WAS time to say goodbye. Sometimes people write and say they didn't get a chance to say goodbye to their loved one before they died. Sometimes they write and say even though it was difficult to watch their loved one go through an extended illness, they are grateful for the time they had for saying all the things they wanted to say. I get that...and both sides of that coin suck.
\n\n\nI've given this lots of thought in the nearly three years since Mr. Virgo died. Even though I was in no way ready for what happened...I mean, how COULD you be?...and even though he was ripped away from me in a matter of three or four hours, I never felt like I didn't get a chance to say goodbye. That's because we told each other every single day, multiple times a day, just exactly how important we were to each other. We said \"I love you!\"...a LOT! We hugged and kissed and held hands. We couldn't be in the same room without touching each other. We sat on the couch and snuggled while we watched TV. We held hands while we drove. He opened doors for me. He placed his hand in the small of my back as he led me to a table in a restaurant before pulling out my chair. He helped me on and off with my coat. He wouldn't think of doing something until he checked with me first to see if I might want to go along. I know, I know...I am one of the most blessed women on the planet. I totally get that not everyone gets that kind of treatment. I know there are a lot of people out there who never get to experience that kind of love in their whole lifetime. But, I'd like to think we can all improve our connection with our partner. I'd love to think we can deepen our level of intimacy and achieve better communication with our loved ones. I'm also not so naïve as to think it's easy or even possible for everyone.
\n\n\nLove is a two way street. I went through a horribly painful divorce that I can't help but feel might have been avoided had we gone for counseling a long time before it fell apart. And if it couldn't have saved the relationship, it could have at least eased us through the dissolution of it. I think it would be extremely helpful if everyone met with some sort of marital counsellor, be it clergy or secular, every five years of a relationship. Just to touch base. Kind of like the 30,000 mile tuneup you give your car. A time to reconnect, re-evaluate, renew...recommit.
\n\n\nWe don't like to ask the difficult questions in a relationship because we fear what the answer will be. But if we don't, we can end up living life in an unfulfilling relationship. As painful as a divorce is to go through, I would much rather have known how unhappy Hubby #2 was five years before it actually fell apart. That was five years we couldn't get back. Five unproductive, frustrating, angry, sad years that we could have spent healing and moving on instead of putting a doily on the elephant in the room and calling it a table.
\n\n\nThese are the lessons we learn in life. The \"hindsight is 20/20\" moments. These are the things I wish someone would have talked to me about in the early years of my marriage. I didn't really have a mentor to show me how to be a good partner in a relationship. How to be a good wife. How to be a good mother. I, like so many, muddled through the best I could till I finally figured it out. Maybe that's the way it's supposed to be. Every single thing I went through in my life made me exactly who I am today. And God has had my life planned out long before I was even a blip in the universe. And, while many of the things I've gone through were decidedly unpleasant, there are just as many that I wouldn't have traded for anything in the world. It's been a beautiful balance...a lovely journey....a delightful dance that has written the story of my life. One for which I am hugely grateful.
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2016-01-23T02:30:34-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/01/23/time-to-say-goodbye.html", "tags": ["Family","Grief","Courage","Marriage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/01/21/on-death-and-dying.html", "title": "On Death and Dying", "content_html": "\n“My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry,”
\nJames 1:19 NIV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/c915ac7456.jpg\")
Ok...warning. This is not a fun subject but sometimes we have to touch on the tough stuff. If you aren't up for it, come back tomorrow. It's ok. We'll do something lighter tomorrow.
\n\n\nWe talk a lot here about death and dying. We speak from the perspective of the survivor...the one who was so cruelly and sometimes suddenly left behind. Some of us watched our loved ones go through countless, hideous tortures with the hope of a cure, a miracle, another chance. Some of us had them yanked away instantly.
\n\n\nBut what has modern medicine done to the process of dying if death is truly imminent? What have all the tubes and lines and electrodes and elixirs accomplished...truly. What kind of death has it given us?
\n\n\nThere's a fine line we walk along with the care providers. People deserve every chance they can get to have a long, healthy, happy life. But...at what point do we determine it's ok to allow a loved one to go without jumping through every possible hoop? It's a personal choice to be sure. One to be discussed ahead of time, no matter how uncomfortable it is. But I think people tend to go along with whatever the doctor recommends, even when there isn't much hope. We feel guilty if we don't do absolutely everything.
\n\n\nAs the emergency room staff were working on Mr. Virgo, there was a point when they stopped the chest compressions and I saw...I actually, visually, witnessed...his spirit as it left his body. I was stunned. I looked around to ask the staff about it because surely they must have seen it as well. It was very apparent they did not. No one else was given that privilege. They continued CPR and it became more and more gruesome. Some time later I was thinking \"Stop. Just stop!\" As soon as I had the thought, I felt Mr. Virgo push me from behind and I immediately blurted out, \"He doesn't want you to do this!\" Not \"We talked about end of life decisions yada, yada, yada...\" No, this was a directive...straight from his spirit. The doctor turned to me with a shocked look and said, \"But, he's only 62! We HAVE TO! We can take away later, but we can't add.\" So, what was I to do? Miracles happen. Maybe God would see fit to reach His finger down and heal my beloved husband's heart. So I didn't push it. I didn't say anything else. I let the situation play out. Brutal.
\n\n\nWe nearly turned south that day and headed for the mountains instead of town. I've often wondered if his death would have been much more peaceful for him if I would have gathered him in my arms, held him to my chest, and talked to him about the birds dancing in the branches above. What if his last memories were the sounds of the wind and the melting snow rippling over the nearby stones instead of people barking orders and beeps and bells and metal crashing together? But, in all likelihood, it would have been a terrifying scenario and I would have been left feeling personally responsible for being unable to save him.
\n\n\nThat peaceful scene was a much more realistic soundtrack of death in the distant past. In a time when it was a goal to die with dignity in the presence of those who loved you best. Lying by a window, perhaps. Peaceful. Maybe some soup on the stove in case you wanted a sip.
\n\n\nI don't know what the answer is. I don't know how one could possibly arbitrarily say, \"Well, this one is too old to save.\" But I did read this thought provoking article yesterday and I thought I would share it here as it is pretty much the opposite of what we are usually talking about. Then again...maybe not so much.
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2016-01-21T02:30:51-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/01/21/on-death-and-dying.html", "tags": ["Grief","Hope","Insight"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/01/17/comfort.html", "title": "Comfort", "content_html": "\n““I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.””
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/2f19dcda18.jpg\")
One of the greatest gifts we can offer another human being is comfort. We all need comfort to varying degrees. Yesterday, I met with a beautiful group of women and the act of gathering over coffee and delicacies alone offered each of us comfort. Then, gathering in a circle, they listened to me weave a tale of love and loss and hope. They opened up and spoke of their own losses. We laughed. We cried. And when we left the circle, we each were stronger in some way. We each \"lit a torch\" from the communal flame and we will take it out into the community to light more. We visited for 4 hours.
My hostess and I went to visit a lovely woman with an old soul. She has had a recurrence of breast cancer recently and we did a private visit for her in her home. She is a kindred spirit as a gifted Gemini. That was lovely, tender, silly and fun.
Cincinnati 5 Way for dinner. It was a beautiful day!!!
\n\n\n❤
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2016-01-17T02:30:46-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/01/17/comfort.html", "tags": ["Grief","Hope","Comfort"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/01/05/are-you-lonesome-tonight.html", "title": "Are You Lonesome Tonight?", "content_html": "\n“Looking at his disciples, he said: “Blessed are you who are poor, for yours is the kingdom of God. Blessed are you who hunger now, for you will be satisfied. Blessed are you who weep now, for you will laugh.”
\nLuke 6:20-21 NIV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/753354979e.jpg\")
After the initial shock of losing Mr. Virgo began to fade...ever so slightly, I set out to fill the void losing him created in my life. I only had him seven and a half years. I can't imagine the emptiness of losing your partner of forty years or more. I experienced my first attempt at \"dating\" just five months after he died. Five months? What was I thinking???
\n\n\nWell....obviously I WASN'T thinking...not clearly. I had what has come to be called \"The Band-Aid Relationship\". That attempt to stop hurting. That vain attempt to \"replace\" what I had lost. Oh, he was a perfectly nice man. A gentleman. A tender soul. A man who, even after I ripped the Band-Aid off, screaming in emotional and physical pain and ripping his heart out in the process... This man would still sit and listen to me wail on the phone for hours. OMGosh! What I put him through! What I put MYSELF through in a desperate attempt to make the pain go away. It was very, very sad.
\n\n\nI waited a year before I tried again. Another very nice man. A gentle, sweet spirit that I ran from at the first sign of feelings. I am still friends with this one as well. I'm fortunate to have their friendship. But it caused pain for both of us. What do you do? Just stay in a shell forever and never try? I have many, many women friends who would never consider having another relationship. I didn't understand that. I didn't WANT to understand that. I had a feeling if I waited long enough, I too wouldn't want a man in my life. I was afraid of getting to that point because I wasn't at all sure I wanted to be alone with myself. I wasn't at all sure I really liked ME.
\n\n\nI met someone in May of last year that I thought I might actually WANT to be in a relationship with. But it didn't work out. He rekindled a relationship with someone from before me. That one stung on a different level. It made me stop and take a look at myself. It made me realize I had no earthly idea who I really was. What did I like? What did I believe in? What are my core values? Could I take care of myself? Why was I so afraid to be alone? I set out to answer these questions and get a clearer picture of who I was in the world before ever attempting to add someone else's heart in the mix.
\n\n\nThere have been many moments when I had to force myself to sit still, shut up, and listen to my heart beat. I had to still the chatterbox inside who constantly told me to listen to the opinions of others because they knew better than me what the world was all about. What I was all about. I had to go deep inside and do some serious housecleaning. There were days when I did nothing but sit on the deck and watch the river flow by. And eventually, I began to clear away this fog that I have been hiding in for so long. I began to look at myself with compassion...this poor bruised and battered soul who was so lost and alone. I began to realize that God loved this little waif. And if God loved her, surely I could. I decided to befriend her. I took her outside to play. I held her when she cried and I told her how wonderful she is. I told her she was beautiful and brave and strong and capable. And then I had to tell her a truth that hurt us both. I told her she didn't really NEED a man in her life to be complete. I told her she was going to be fine on her own. She was going to be able to take care of herself. I told her she just needed to stop and breathe...and just BE.
\n\n\nShe listened. Thank God she listened because I was a little worried about her. Integrating that part of myself that was so scared and lonely into the woman I've become was one of the most challenging periods of my life. One that was only made possible because of the loss and subsequent pain I've been through. With God I am never truly alone. And...I like this person I've become. Genuinely.
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2016-01-05T02:30:37-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/01/05/are-you-lonesome-tonight.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Growth","Insight"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/12/31/kintsukuroi.html", "title": "Kintsukuroi", "content_html": "\n“Whoever gets sense loves his own soul; he who keeps understanding will discover good.”
\nProverbs 19:8 ESV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/5472530159.jpg\")
For centuries, the Japanese have employed kintsukuroi when repairing broken pottery. It literally means \"to repair with gold\". It is the art of repairing pottery with gold or silver lacquer and understanding that the piece is more beautiful for having been broken.
\n\n\nLife breaks us. The \"breaking\" is not necessarily of your making. Unkindness, loss, abuse, grief, infidelity, betrayal, death....all things that life throws at us. Things we have no control over. They break us. And then God starts working on us...stitching, mending, piecing our hearts and souls back together into something much, much stronger than was there before. He lets us keep the scars so others can see we are conquerors. So we can see where His hand has touched us.
\n\n\nThere is nothing beautiful about loss. There is nothing beautiful about the unbearable pain we are forced to endure when we lose someone we love. Nothing. But when I go deep inside and look at my scars, I can see they are intricately woven with strands of pure gold. I can see they are stronger than the surrounding tissue because God wove each thread into exactly the place it needed to be to make me stronger. To me, the fact that God Himself mended my wounds is what brings the beauty.
\n\n\nAnd...that's a wrap for 2015. A year of surprises, growth, healing, love, adventure, words, pain, and...beauty. Unexpected beauty. Beauty in all the broken places. Thank you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for being here with me for another trip around the sun. I love you all!
\n\n\nHere's to a Happy, Healthy 2016!!!
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n\n“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”
\nPsalm 147:3 NIV\n
Photo Credit: www.lakesidepottery.com
\n\n", "date_published": "2015-12-31T02:30:53-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/12/31/kintsukuroi.html", "tags": ["Grief","Love","Wisdom","Marriage","Healing"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/12/24/a-poem-to-mr-virgo.html", "title": "A Poem to Mr. Virgo", "content_html": "\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/9e60309d3c.jpg\")
I wrote this poem the first Christmas after losing Mr. Virgo. It had been just a little over nine months since his sudden death. I was broken in a million pieces. I asked my daughter the other day where I spent that Christmas and she said it was with her. I have no memory of that. I remember sitting with Santa in early December and asking him for a new heart. I remember I put up my tree and it took every bit of strength I had. I remember mattress surfing for a couple of days afterward. That's about it.
\n\n\nI found the poem while editing the book and decided to share it again for Christmas Eve. Even though I'm not as lost as I was when I wrote it, I wouldn't change one word. If you are in the throes of grief, or even if you're down the road a ways but still struggling with the holidays, my prayer is that my writing affords you some comfort. I had a scare yesterday when a friend texted me that she wasn't sure but it sounded like one of our mutual friends and classmates had passed away. It turned out it was her mother, which is sad of course. It just brings home the point that we are never, ever prepared for loss. Loss is loss, no matter how long you've known it was coming. While I am saddened for her loss, I was greatly relieved it was not my friend.
\n\n\nBlessings to you this Christmas Eve. May you remember the Reason for the Season and give the reins over so you don't have to carry all this by yourself. You are never, ever alone when you have God in your life.
It's Christmas Time in Heaven\nby Ginny McKinney\n\nIf only I'd have known\nYour days on Earth were few,\nI'd have spent each waking moment\nOf my life with you.\n\nI would have taken pictures\nTo mark each passing day\nThen I could see you when I want\nSince you have gone away.\n\nI know you're up in Heaven. \nI know you're there with God.\nI know you're there with Mom and Dad,\nBut oh, this time is hard.\n\nIt's Christmas time, my darling.\nTimes past were filled with glee.\nBut this year all I think about is\nYou're not here with me.\n\nNo sneaky shaking presents.\nThere is no hug or kiss.\nMy heart just feels so empty.\nIt's you I really miss.\n\nIt's Christmas time in Heaven.\nI know this must be true.\nFor every day was Christmas Day \nWhen it was spent with you! \n\n❤\n\n\n
\n\n\n", "date_published": "2015-12-24T02:30:52-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/12/24/a-poem-to-mr-virgo.html", "tags": ["Grief","Courage","Memories"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/12/22/dear-santa.html", "title": "Dear Santa,", "content_html": "\n“I thought about the former days, the years of long ago; I remembered my songs in the night. My heart meditated...”
\nPsalm 77:5-6 NIV\n
It's me...Ginny. Remember? I saw you two years ago. I was so broken. I sat with you and asked you for a new heart. You draped your arm across my shoulder and told me you were so sorry for my loss. You sat there patting my shoulder so patiently as I sobbed. You have no idea how much you helped me get through that first Christmas season without Mr. Virgo. I'll be forever grateful to you.
\n\n\nLast year was difficult as well. Things weren't working out as I had hoped with my aunt out on the farm and I was scrambling to make other living arrangements. I got through it though. And, I had a really interesting winter living in my camper with no running water and wind chills down to -25°. I found out I'm a whole lot tougher than I thought I was!
\n\n\nI'm much better this year. I still get sad sometimes. I still miss that handsome man who made me feel like a princess. But I don't cry as much. I don't hurt quite as bad. And I'm feeling hopeful for a beautiful future. So, this year you don't really need to bring me anything. I don't need a thing except experiences with those I love.
\n\n\nThank you for bringing out my inner child. Thank you for offering me a warm hug when life felt too cruel to breathe. Thank you for being at the right place at the right time. And, again...thank you for being real.
\n\n\nYour forever friend,
Ginny
❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2015-12-22T02:30:27-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/12/22/dear-santa.html", "tags": ["Grief","Growth","Healing"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/12/21/mighty-oak.html", "title": "Mighty Oak", "content_html": "\n“and those the Lord has rescued will return. They will enter Zion with singing; everlasting joy will crown their heads. Gladness and joy will overtake them, and sorrow and sighing will flee away.”
\nIsaiah 35:10 NIV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/cc939e3ffa.jpg\")
Grief shatters us. It breaks us into a million pieces...shards of mirrors on the ground reflecting our once beautiful lives as fragments of memories and pain. A mirror can never be made completely whole again without evidence of fractures. We'll always have evidence of our loss. Maybe not visible on the outside, maybe not evident to others, but WE know. We feel every crack, every missing piece of our heart and soul no matter how well put together we become.
\n\n\nIn Isaiah 7:4, the Lord instructs Isaiah to go comfort Ahaz in the face of his enemies and assure him He is with him. Ahaz has been shaken with the news of two factions bound to rise up against him. Further on, in Isaiah 61:1-3, Isaiah is there telling Ahaz to remain strong because God has his back. He likens Ahaz to a mighty oak that might be shaken by the fiercest of winds, but he won't be broken or uprooted.
\n\n\nWhen we feel shaken to the core, it is so, so easy to let our minds carry us to the darkest of places. I find reminding myself \"God's got this.\" is comforting to me. It gives me power. I am not just a survivor. I am a conqueror! And, right here in the Bible, it tells us that God wants to bestow on those who grieve a crown of beauty instead of ashes. He wants us to live and find joy and beauty in life again. It takes work. It takes determination. It takes giving in and handing over. It takes courage. It takes strength. It takes a conscious choice. It takes time.
\n\n\nYou are a conqueror. You are a mighty oak. You may bend...but you will not break.
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2015-12-21T02:30:17-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/12/21/mighty-oak.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/12/17/caution-road-damage-ahead.html", "title": "Caution: Road Damage Ahead", "content_html": "\n“The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted......to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion— to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor.”
\nIsaiah 61:1-3 NIV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/a575702bd4.jpg\")
With Christmas just over a week away, those of us grieving a loss may find some significant potholes on the road ahead. The more recent the loss, the deeper they are likely to be. But it doesn't mean we're out of the woods just because a significant amount of time has passed. Everyone experiences grief differently, but feeling a loss more intensely during significant events like birthdays, anniversaries, and holidays seems to be a common denominator amongst those who are grieving.
\n\n\nThis might be a good time to think about whether what you are feeling is the natural process of grief or if you are experiencing complicated grief or depression. Grief is the response to the loss of someone or something you love. The deeper your attachment, the deeper your grief. \"Normal\" grief has a tendency to improve over time and you are likely to experience moments of happiness interspersed with the pain of your loss. If, after a period of time, you are showing no signs of improvement or your grief is actually worsening, you may be experiencing complicated grief. Complicated grief needs intervention and can be treated with cognitive therapy. Typically someone who is clinically depressed feels hopeless and helpless and finds no joy in life. Depression also needs intervention and the care of a mental health professional.
\n\n\nMany who grieve avoid the holidays altogether and other situations that act as emotional triggers. Avoidance usually puts off the inevitable and eventually you end up having to deal with the pain...sometimes twice as hard. While sidestepping some events may be necessary, I personally feel better if I stretch myself and make myself walk through some discomfort. That way it's a little easier the next time. That being said, don't be afraid to set boundaries if you need to and take care of yourself. Try different things to see what works. Enlist the help of a trusted friend or family member who is enlightened in the nature of grief. Take small bites till you can tolerate longer or more intense social interactions. Avoid isolating yourself entirely in an attempt to avoid feeling bad. And don't be afraid to ask for help from a trained professional with experience in grief support. There is nothing wrong with seeking help, no matter how long it's been since your loss.
\n\n\nRemember, there is no \"normal\" grief. It doesn't run on a time table. There aren't unified stages you go through in any particular order. There are as many different experiences of grief as there are different lives. Be gentle with yourself in the coming days.
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2015-12-17T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/12/17/caution-road-damage-ahead.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/12/08/the-first-one-thousand-days.html", "title": "The First One Thousand Days", "content_html": "\n“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”
\nPsalm 34:18 NIV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/5d27c44861.jpg\")
The other day I was messing around with my iPhone trying to figure out how long it had been since something had happened. After adding and calculating and trying to figure out leap years, I figured there had to be an app for that. And there is. Several, in fact. I chose one appropriately called \"Days Since\" and downloaded it. I figured out my answer then started playing with the app. And, of course, the first date I put in was the date and time Mr. Virgo died. I was stunned to see a monumental day coming soon. So, I set my phone alarm for yesterday afternoon at 3:40 and waited for the time to hit 3:42. One thousand days.
\n\n\nI sat there for a while thinking about what the last 1,000 days have done to me...with me...for me. And, more importantly, what I have done with THEM. What have I done with those 1,000 days Mr. Virgo didn't get to have? Have I used them wisely? How many have I wasted? What do I have to show for those tragically broken days? And the beautiful ones? What would I have done differently?
\n\n\nWhat have I learned? Ahhhhh, grasshoppa. That is the question.
I have learned how to die and live through it. I have learned it is possible to pick your heart up out of burning embers and breathe life back into it. I have learned you can hear God even when you're screaming. I have learned to be still. I have learned you cannot cry yourself to death no matter how hard you try. I have learned to trust myself more and others maybe not quite so much. I have learned to trust God implicitly. I have learned who my closest friends are. I have learned how much my family and friends love me. I have learned how to let go of people, places, and things that no longer serve me. I have learned to say \"No\". I have learned to say \"Hell, no!\" I have learned not to feel guilty about either one.
I have learned to paddle a kayak and hook up a camper and back it up perfectly. I have learned that emptying a black water tank isn't the huge big deal I thought it was. I have learned how to break into my camper when I lock myself out. Actually, I learned that four times. I have learned to love my GPS.
\n\n\nI have learned not to listen to sad country music on rainy summer evenings. I have learned not to open a bottle of Halston No. 10 unless I want to cry. I have learned to wear his leather bomber jacket and my wedding band when I want to feel close to him. I've learned I love it when others say his name and tell me how much they miss him. I've learned Christmas will never be the same. My life will never be the same. The world will never be the same. How could it be? One thousand days ago, a heart as big as the ocean stopped beating. But...I've learned mine did not. I've learned to trust there is a reason for that. I have work to do here. I have stories to tell. I have beauty to find. I have love to give.
\n\n\nI have learned to have hope.
\n\n\nI have learned to live.
\n\n\nI have learned there is so much more to learn. I'll report back after the second one thousand days to tell you what that is.
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2015-12-08T02:30:57-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/12/08/the-first-one-thousand-days.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Healing"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/12/06/platitude.html", "title": "Platitude", "content_html": "\n“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.”
\nIsaiah 43:2 NIV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/1b42f2e21e.jpg\")
n. a flat, dull, or trite remark, especially one uttered as if it were fresh or profound.
\n\n\nYesterday someone called me on a remark I have made repeatedly and I'd like to flesh that out a little more. I often talk about the hidden gems found after the flames of grief have died down. A \"beauty from ashes\" platitude that, in truth, can smart on delivery.
\n\n\nThere is nothing beautiful about grief other than the fact we get it because we dared to love that deeply. When you are walking through the fire, the last thing you are thinking is that there's something beautiful in it. You're just trying not to be consumed by the flames.
\n\n\nGrief is a table for one. You don't have anyone else to go through it with, really. It's different for everyone. It's different than anything you have ever done, even if you have grieved before. When I'm talking about the hidden gems, I'm talking about those moments of self discovery. Just because you didn't ask to be a member of this particular club doesn't mean you don't learn something about yourself and the world in the process. For me, this has been a time of exponential growth....personally and spiritually. I have learned things I couldn't have had I not walked this path. Would I rather have my husband than these nuggets? Of course! But that's not how this hand was played. I was dealt these particular cards and it's up to me to derive meaning from them. And if delivering the occasional platitude and cliche gets my point across, that's where I go.
\n\n\nThis is going to be a busy week for us all. Preparations for the holidays continue. Cookies are being baked. Trees decorated. Bags are being packed. I head out on Thursday to the Cincinnati suburbs to see my oldest daughter get her Masters degree. Her father, step-mother, half-brother and I will join together to cheer her on with great pride. I am so blessed to have these loving relationships in my life. No matter what form family takes...we stand together for our kids.
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2015-12-06T02:30:59-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/12/06/platitude.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Growth"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/12/05/finding-topics.html", "title": "Finding Topics", "content_html": "\n“And this commandment have we from him, That he who loveth God love his brother also.”
\n1 John 4:21 KJV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/37127ae277.jpg\")
Quite often, my topic of discussion for my blog posts come from some comment made here the day before. I read your comments during the day as they come in and try to at least acknowledge them with a \"like\" so you know I read them. Some I make comments on. If I replied to every one I wouldn't get anything else done. I love your comments, though. They are insightful, loving, encouraging and often give me much to think about.
\n\n\nEvery once in a while I have to go looking for something that triggers an interesting thought. I always pray for God to bring the right words. Yesterday was a search-for-a-subject day. I Googled \"grief quotes\". Hundreds popped up. Literally....page after page after page. One I kept being drawn to was by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross.
\n\n\n\"The reality is you will grieve forever. You will not 'get over' the loss of a loved one; you will learn to live with it. You will heal and you will rebuild yourself around the loss you have suffered. You will be whole again but you will never be the same again. Nor should you be the same nor should you want to.\"
\n\n\nI sat for the longest time reading and re-reading that...letting the words soak in. \"...you will grieve forever.\" I don't WANT to grieve forever. Who wants to grieve forever? Sigh. \"You will not 'get over' the loss...\" Another thing I don't want. But then there is some hope. \"...you will learn to live with it.\" Ahhhhh...\"learn to live\"! Yes...that is what we're doing, isn't it? And then...a promise. \"You will be whole.\" Please, please promise me I will be whole again. But this is a cautionary tale. \"...you will never be the same again.\" Truth, Liz. You're preaching to the choir. I will never, ever be the same again. But then she goes on to say something that frees us. \"Nor SHOULD you be the same nor should you WANT to.\" (I placed the emphasis.) In these words, I have permission. I have the freedom to be different now. AND it's ok if I don't WANT to be the same as I was before. That's good because you don't walk through a raging fire and not have scars. You CAN'T ever be the same. It's ok.
\n\n\nI've said this before, but it's been no more true than it is in this context. When you walk through the fire of grief, and the flames begin to die down to ash, you will come upon gems. Precious bits of wisdom...golden nuggets of knowledge....sparkling gems of insight that are strong and true and hold infinite value. Don't forget to stop and gather these gifts from God and carry them with you. These are rewards for your bravery, for your strength, for your unwillingness to give up when you cannot imagine going forward one more step.
\n\n\nThere was one thing abundantly clear to me when I saw page after page after page of grief quotes. There isn't anything you can say about grief that hasn't already been said. The simple truth of the matter is...grief sucks. It just sucks. Period.
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2015-12-05T02:30:43-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/12/05/finding-topics.html", "tags": ["Grief","New Ideas","Writing"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/12/03/faith-fear.html", "title": "Faith \u003e Fear", "content_html": "\n“And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.”
\nRevelation 21:4 KJV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/cf18392b5b.jpg\")
This is a pretty scary world we're living in right now. When Mr. Virgo was alive and there were bad things happening, I had a special sense of safety because I had absolute trust he would lay his life on the line for me. No doubt. Now that he's gone, I don't have his comforting arms around me reassuring me that I'm going to be ok.
\n\n\nEvery single day brings a new horror to our doorstep. It's not easy to be brave AND be alone. I'm trying to balance the scales here with my faith. Part of me says \"Yeah, well these people who are dying at the hands of madmen probably had faith when they walked out the door this morning.\" Yes...but, the other side says \"I know how this ends....and God wins.\" I'm using prayers as the weights to put on the FAITH side of the scale. Prayers and mindfulness.
\n\n\nThe goal of any terrorism, foreign or domestic, is to instill fear in the populace. To succumb to this fear is to hand the terrorists a victory. I refuse to do that. Losing Mr. Virgo taught me to be brave and stand up for myself and what I believe in. When he was here with me, he showed me I have great strength and value. I will continue to be strong...for me, for him, for my family. See, here's the bottom line....they cannot take my soul. They cannot steal my spirit. I know where I'm going. That brings me comfort.
They can take my life, but they CANNOT have my fear...for I am but a breath away from Paradise.
❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2015-12-03T02:30:24-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/12/03/faith-fear.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Fear"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/12/02/peace.html", "title": "Peace", "content_html": "\n“For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.”
\n2 Timothy 1:7 KJV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/4345fdc6da.jpg\")
I spent far more time than I care to admit trying to understand things that happened to me in my 62+ years. From childhood sexual abuse to a twenty year marriage gone horribly wrong to losing my soul mate when I was only 59, I worked my worry till it nearly made me crazy. I was bitter and angry. I tried to make sense of it all by going over it and over it and over it some more. It was like trying to stack eggs. You aren't going to have much more than empty shells and a big mess to clean up.
\n\n\nSomewhere along this grief path, I figured out I would never find peace pursuing the demons of my past. I realized no matter how much I chased them, they would always be just out of my reach. Oh, therapy did wonders for helping me define what had happened to me, but it left me little in the way of resolution. It's exhausting to try to live like that. Maybe it was standing on top of the Rockies and screaming that did it. Maybe it was walking around Mr. Virgo's grave, beating my chest, head flung back, wailing at the sky that released me. Maybe it was 23,000 miles behind the wheel of a pickup truck that gave me the time to sort it all out. But somewhere, somehow, I forgave everyone of everything...including myself. I was just too darned tired to carry all that crap around with me anymore. I wasn't always a good wife. I wasn't always a good mother. I wasn't always a good friend. I certainly wasn't always a good daughter. But I did my best with what I knew at the time. And, like Maya Angelou said, when I knew better...I did better.
\n\n\nLetting go of the past allowed me to stop being a victim of it. Oh, I slip up now and then. I'm human. But I see it all so clearly now. Hindsight truly IS 20/20. Stop beating yourself up over water that has long since flowed under the bridge. You deserve to live in peace. Let it go and simply...
\n\n\nbe. here. now.
\n\n\nWith a pure and open heart.
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2015-12-02T02:30:02-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/12/02/peace.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Growth","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/11/30/god-moments.html", "title": "God Moments", "content_html": "\n“Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”
\nEphesians 4:31-32 NIV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/6ad1985847.jpg\")
I've had more God moments since Mr. Virgo died than I've ever had in my life. Well, that I've ever RECOGNIZED in my life. I was sitting in church yesterday, enjoying the Christmas carols, watching 30 or so sweet little children singing along. My mind wandered to my post yesterday and thinking about new beginnings...new traditions. It isn't easy to let go of so much at once like you and I have done. We want to hang on to everything. And maybe that works for some. We all grieve in our own ways. For me, if I try to keep and do everything the same, it only seems to accentuate the missing link...my sweet man. I don't want to change everything. I just want a little breathing room from the sadness that runs like the annoying background hum of an aging refrigerator. You can never get away from it if you focus on the sound.
\n\n\nThese were the thoughts racing through my head as I began to settle in and pay attention. At the end of the musical worship, the lights dimmed and two members of the congregation came out and performed a skit. A young man was on the phone apologizing to his wife that he's not going to make it home for Christmas. The airport was closed due to weather. In walked an older woman and he told her all the flights were cancelled. She sat down and told him she's on her way to her son's in Tampa. She used to make this trip with her husband but she lost him this year. Her first Christmas without him. Tears stung my eyes. Not so much from the pain of losing Mr. Virgo, but more because of the sweet way the Holy Spirit comes and sits with me and whispers to my heart, \"You're not alone.\"
\n\n\nThe young man put his hand over hers, offered her his condolences and said, \"You're not alone.\"
\n\n\nI smiled.
\n\n\nI love when this happens. It's so comforting. Because...I'm NOT alone. I'll never, ever be truly alone again.
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2015-11-30T02:30:57-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/11/30/god-moments.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Grace"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/11/29/holding-christmas-in-my-heart.html", "title": "Holding Christmas in my Heart", "content_html": "\n“The Spirit of God has made me; the breath of the Almighty gives me life.”
\nJob 33:4 NIV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/c5f4a2008f.jpg\")
Even though I had many things I could have done yesterday, I chose to visit some of my favorite shops in the area and get into the holiday spirit. There's a little antique shop in Williamstown that I absolutely love called The Painted Cupboard. While they used to also house The Woolen Willow, a quilt and rug hooking shop, they still carry some lovely hand died wools. I bought a homespun dish towel to cut into strips to use as ribbons for the hand painted Christmas ornaments that I'm making. I'll post pictures of them in a couple of days.
\n\n\nI think Christmas is when I miss Mr. Virgo the very most. He was a fool for Christmas. We often put the tree up the week before Thanksgiving because he was so busy during the holidays. Once ski season started, and we got into the holidays, we often wouldn't get a day off together till spring. So we made putting up the tree together into a HUGE extravaganza!
\n\n\nThe first thing we did was turn on Christmas carols. There was a particular pine scented candle Mr. Virgo loved that we stored away every year when we put away the decorations. That was the first thing out of the box.
Once the tree was up, we tag teamed the lights going round and round. Then came the red organza ribbon we used as garland with the big puffy bows to tie it to the branches. The curve of each drape down had to be eyeballed from across the room with the bows spaced just right. Then the ornaments were placed with the same care. Ahhhh...my Virgo man. Next came the candy canes and finally the angel topper. I SO loved that day...and if it weren't for the fact I had the promise of doing it again the next year, I swear we would have left the tree up year round.
We had some other special decorations. There was a woodsy Santa that we put on one of the end tables. My mom's mechanical Santa sat on the floor near a chair. Our stockings were hung on the entertainment center on either side of the TV. Mom's ceramic carolers went on the entry table. Mr. Virgo hung all white icicle lights on the front porch. We put a wreath on the door and hung an old pair of ice skates with ribbons and greenery on the antique sled in the corner.
\n\n\nWe bought a new Christmas ornament every trip we took together. We always bought a special one by Né Qua. They are glass and reverse painted from the inside. Very, very special. I have several of them. The first Christmas after he died, I bought one and sobbed through the entire selection and purchase. Last year, I bought a smaller one, and still cried. Yesterday, I walked into a shop...and there they were. A whole beautiful display of every shape and size of those precious mementos. I felt that familiar catch around my heart. The tears were somewhere lurking in the vicinity behind my eyes. I picked one up and ran my fingers over the curve. Peace on Earth, with a dove. Nice. \"Silent Night\" played softly in the background. Children chased each other and giggled while mama softly scolded. The world stood still for a moment as I was transported back to 2012...Mr. Virgo's last Christmas. Our first Christmas off together. His first Christmas off in 40 years. It was my most special Christmas with him. A warm glow started deep in my heart and spread through me. I stood for the longest time holding onto my memories with both hands. Then...I smiled as I carefully placed the ornament back and went on in search of a new journal. I'm on the last page of the current one. It's time to start new traditions now....a new page in this journey of hope and love.
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2015-11-29T02:30:43-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/11/29/holding-christmas-in-my-heart.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Growth","Holiday","Memories"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/11/27/and-so-it-begins.html", "title": "And So, it Begins...", "content_html": "\n“Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.”
\nPsalm 42:5 NIV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/82c59c1ff8.jpg\")
The turkey has barely chilled in the fridge and the onslaught of Christmas is upon us. Well...ok, retailers have been working on us since before Halloween. But I keep my blinders on till Turkey Day is behind us, at least.
\n\n\nHolidays....the minefield of grief. This is my third Christmas since Mr. Virgo died. I was still really numb on the first one. I remember thinking I couldn't wait for the ball to drop on New Year's Eve because that meant I could say \"he died last year\". As if that made the whole mess any better. It was just a line in the sand I couldn't wait to cross.
\n\n\nLast year wasn't much better. My aunt and I had a parting of the ways last year on Christmas Day that sent me in a whole new direction. While it has worked out for the best all the way around, it was quite painful to go through at the time. This year I'm going to spend Christmas in Colorado so it's going to be SO much better. I'm focusing on family fun!
\n\n\nThanksgiving was easier this year as well. I told a couple great Mr. Virgo stories. They made me smile. I had my moment later on when I was preparing for bed. I just flat out miss him and not having him here has changed me, and my life, and the way I see the world, and the way I relate to other people. At the same time, life is so beautiful and delicious. It's all about the journey...the good and the not so good. This is my story. This is my life. Every day is a new page in my book, quite literally.
\n\n\nToday is Black Friday. This year I'm doing something different. There is a movement being promoted by REI to opt out of the Black Friday shopping madness (something I never do anyway) to spend time in the great outdoors. Since I have become affiliated with the Girl Camper podcasts as their correspondent, and...since Girl Camper is produced by RV Family Travel Atlas, I'm going to post my outdoor pictures tomorrow tagged with #rvftaOptOutside.
\n\n\nI don't mind skipping Black Friday at the big box stores. But I am ever faithful to Small Business Saturday. Small businesses often depend on their holiday sales to carry them through the early months of the year in order to survive. Having been a small business owner myself, I encourage everyone to support the little independent businesses in your neighborhoods.
\n\n\nI hope you all had a great Thanksgiving. I spent it with my cousin's family up on North Mountain and I'm telling you what...these people are entertaining, to say the least. There were toddlers up to a great-grandma. I told stories about Mr. Virgo and I felt the love of family. It was a good day.
\n\n\nI'm hitting the open road today. If you are traveling, do drive safely. We need you here!
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2015-11-27T02:30:24-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/11/27/and-so-it-begins.html", "tags": ["Family","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Holiday","Memories"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/11/23/the-lies-we-tell.html", "title": "The Lies We Tell", "content_html": "\n“So Abram went to live near the great trees of Mamre at Hebron, where he pitched his tents. There he built an altar to the Lord.”
\nGenesis 13:18 NIV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/a5afcb0419.jpg\")
The farther along we are on this grief journey, the easier it becomes to lie. After a while, people can become weary of hearing our truth. After a while, it may seem they only want to hear the good stuff. Most are uncomfortable with the bad stuff. It's too real. It's too honest to hear our suffering after so much time has passed because that means they too could suffer like this when their turn comes. It's too frightening to hold onto. It's too close to home. So, many times they are more comfortable with the lie. \"I'm fine. Really.\" \"Oh, you know...I have my moments but overall, I'm doing great!\" Lies.
\n\n\nWe tell lies all the time. And we feel bad when we can't believe the lies we are told. The other evening, I was reading a post on my personal page by a woman who was facing the one year angelversary of her daughter's death by suicide. She was expressing how difficult it was. Then a well meaning friend told her, \"Just hang onto the good memories of your daughter. That way she is never really far from you.\" Are you effing kidding me? As if the mere memory of her hair shining in the sun and her glorious laughter is somehow going to magically repair that gaping wound where her mother's heart used to be? I cried for her. I ached that someone who might have been some comfort to her didn't know what to say...didn't have a clue...didn't \"get it\". Most don't. Sigh. I took a deep breath and stepped in, with love. I educated, with respect. I told her I have no earthly idea what hell she is going through. I've never lost a child to suicide, thank you God. I told her the response that helped me the most was, \"My heart is with you.\" This acknowledged my pain without trying to negate or \"spit shine\" it into something the speaker is more comfortable with. It says, \"I can't fix this for you, but I can sit here with you and help you hold it for a while.\" That is the most compassionate thing I can do for someone who is grieving. And it doesn't matter if it was last month or last year or a decade ago.
\n\n\nGrief doesn't have an expiration date. It's more like a stopwatch where you measure the time it takes to run each lap. The good news is, the farther down the road you go, the longer the rest periods are before you pick up and start running again. I know...I still lie sometimes. It's just easier when I know what they want to hear. But, I do have a good group of friends I can be myself with and tell them exactly what's going on. The truth is, though...I will be okay. And, I will be MORE ok further down the road.
\n\n\n❤
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2015-11-23T02:30:28-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/11/23/the-lies-we-tell.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/11/17/self-worth.html", "title": "Self Worth", "content_html": "\n“But the Lord stood at my side and gave me strength...”
\n2 Timothy 4:17 NIV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/168cf04d09.jpg\")
I am an Emotional Archeologist. Every day offers an opportunity for a new awakening...an opportunity to peel back another layer to examine. It may be a brilliant flash of insight...that A-HA! moment that helps you move forward. It may only be to discover a day of contemplating your slippered feet in an armchair with endless cups of tea is not necessarily a day wasted.
\n\n\nAs I've navigated the mountains and valleys, the twists and turns of this journey, I have had many, many opportunities to work through the waves of grief. I know I am blessed to have had this time without the pressures of employment or the needs of others to impede my progress. I have been totally self indulgent in this quest other than the product of my writing. And every once in a while, I hit the lottery in the insight department and wonder how I could have missed that for so long.
\n\n\nI'm referring to the meditation series by Deepak Chopra, brought to us by Oprah. I am half way through a 21 day series on Core Beliefs. Day 10 spoke on the core belief that you are worthy. As the child of an alcoholic and the survivor of childhood sexual abuse, I struggled with issues surrounding my self worth for many years. When I felt unworthy, I was faced with controlling people who disrespected me. When I felt strong and whole, I was seen by others as worthy of respect.
\n\n\nBut what happens if you're grieving...if you're sick...if you're tired and you're not feeling strong? What happens if you believe a lie? What happens when you have your really dark glasses of self doubt on and you can't see how awesome you really are? That's when you need a trusted, wise friend or family member who really knows you who will hold up a mirror and say, \"Look at yourself! You are an amazing, insightful, talented, loving, generous, sensitive, kind, fun, adventurous, wonderful woman! Stop it! Stop looking at yourself through a smoky lens. Step out into the light of day and look in this mirror!\" I am blessed with these wise women in my circle when I have moments of self doubt. They shake me by my collar and wake me up. This same wise friend shared something with me the other night and I wanted to pass it on to you.
\n\n\n\"Guest House\" by Rumi\n\n\n
This being human is a guest house. \nEvery morning a new arrival.\n\nA joy, a depression, a meanness, some momentary awareness comes as an unexpected visitor.\n\nWelcome and entertain them all!\nEven if they're a crowd of sorrows, \nwho violently sweep your house \nempty of its furniture, \nstill treat each guest honorably.\nHe may be clearing you out for some new delight.\n\nThe dark thought, the shame, the malice, \nmeet them at the door laughing,\nand invite them in.\n\nBe grateful for whoever comes,\nbecause each has been sent\nas a guide from beyond.\n\n\n
***Meet them at the door laughing because YOU know who YOU are and they cannot shake you!*** This was my message from a warrior goddess of a woman.
\n\n\nMy wish for you today is to find your mirror...your own warrior goddess friend. See yourself as others see you. Take off the dark goggles of shame and self doubt. Our beliefs shape who we are. Stand up straight and tall, hold your head up high. Because, my darling....you are worthy!
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2015-11-17T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/11/17/self-worth.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Insight"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/11/05/paint-by-numbers.html", "title": "Paint by Numbers", "content_html": "\n“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.”
\nPhilippians 4:8-9 NIV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/cd5d6a1d25.jpg\")
If you're like me, you did at least one paint-by-number picture when you were growing up. I remember looking at those teeny-tiny cups of paint and this fairly good sized canvas and thinking there was no way I'd have enough. The brush they gave you was woefully inadequate...a cheap plastic thing with loose hairs that painted a swath way too big for those tiny spaces. I usually resorted to using toothpicks to try to fill in the blanks and gave up long before the painting was completed. The whole concept seemed so artificial...as if it were somehow possible to create a Rembrandt-esque masterpiece by filling in the blanks.
\n\n\nGrief is paint-by-numbers...only backwards. You had this beautiful painting that was your life, and death erased all the vibrant colors. And the more time passes, the more blank spots you notice. The more blank spots you notice, the less like your life it looks. There's no numbers in those blank spots either.
\n\n\nIt isn't easy to get the colors back in your life. It takes time. It takes a lot of hard work. And it takes a lot of paint. Buckets and buckets of paint. But, here's the bottom line. This is where we get lost sometimes. Are you ready?
\n\n\n***Your new picture isn't going to look like the old one.***
\n\n\nIt's just not. You can try to put that paint back in just like before, but the numbers are gone. The paint is different. I know...it isn't easy. I know...it sucks. It really, really sucks. But, it's what IS, you know? We cannot turn back the hands of time and make like it didn't happen. We have to...no matter HOW hard it is....we HAVE to paint a new canvas. Forget those teeny-tiny spaces. Be bold! Be abstract! Be brave! Splash that paint on life's canvas like there's no tomorrow! Because...there might not be. Life's too short.
Color your world.
❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2015-11-05T02:30:27-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/11/05/paint-by-numbers.html", "tags": ["Grief","Growth","Choices"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/11/02/time.html", "title": "Time", "content_html": "\n“In that day the mountains will drip new wine, and the hills will flow with milk; all the ravines of Judah will run with water. A fountain will flow out of the Lord’s house and will water the valley of acacias.”
\nJoel 3:18 NIV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/a4dce5bbda.jpg\")
I don't like it when the time changes. I saw a cartoon posted yesterday on Facebook. A woman is standing in front of the window complaining that it's pitch black outside and she has lost her perception of time. She thinks it's midnight. Her husband calmly tells her it's 5:27. Yeah, that's me. I can easily crawl in a hole and not come out till spring but I've been preparing for this all week. I got my light therapy lamp out and started using it about an hour or two per day. I've walked or hiked 3-4 miles per day, 6 out of the last 7 days. I've hooked up with friends. I've made plans for several outings this week in addition to walking. I got the computer and my manuscript out over the weekend and I've started what I'm surely hoping is the last edit of my two books I've been working on. I avoided buying ice cream. ? Things are looking much better!
\n\n\nIt isn't easy to do good self-care when you're alone. It takes a great deal of self-discipline...something that is in short supply when you're grieving, actively or otherwise. I remember thinking how much better the winters were after Mr. Virgo came into my life. Having a partner gives life purpose. Having a partner that makes life so much fun makes everything else so much better. When it's all up to you, and you aren't feeling like your usual self, it's easy to cut corners and let things slide. I was always a list maker and I have gotten out of the habit. I'm starting to make lists again. That way, everything that gets crossed off is something accomplished. It's visual reinforcement and a reminder to keep going.
\n\n\nNovember and December aren't so bad. We've got the holidays to plan and prepare for. January and February are where we get into trouble. Setting goals and reaching them, no matter how minor, gives you a sense of satisfaction and accomplishment. Preparing yourself ahead of time, getting in the habit now of creating lists and setting goals, and keeping physically active leading up to those dark, sad, boring days will increase your chances of feeling better through them.
\n\n\nWhat are some of your goals this winter?
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2015-11-02T02:30:15-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/11/02/time.html", "tags": ["Health","Grief","Choices","Fitness"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/10/31/walking.html", "title": "Walking", "content_html": "\n“Let your eyes look straight ahead; fix your gaze directly before you. Give careful thought to the paths for your feet and be steadfast in all your ways. Do not turn to the right or the left; keep your foot from evil.”
\nProverbs 4:25-27 NIV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/099aae29c5.jpg\")
I get SAD. I don't FEEL sad, necessarily. But I sure feel Seasonal Affective Disorder when it rears its ugly head. I want to be around lots of people AND I want to be a hermit. I want to go to a party AND I want you to sit next to me and shut up. I want to go out to dinner AND I want to crawl in bed with my iPad and stay there till March. I'm not alone. According to the American Association of Family Physicians, about 4 to 6 percent of people have winter depression. Another 10 to 20 percent may have mild SAD. I have had it for years and I've found it's a little worse here in West Virginia than it was in Colorado...mainly because Colorado has 300+ days of sunshine and West Virginia, ummmm, doesn't. It gets grey and cloudy here and it can last for days...weeks at a time. Yesterday I had to get my therapy light out and sit in front of it for an hour and it really helped. I normally take St. John's Wort daily since Mr. Virgo died. At this time of year, I make extra sure I don't miss a dose.* I also increase my exercise.
\n\n\nAnyone who suffers from SAD, or any form of depression for that matter, understands that getting up and getting out is no easy task. We get \"couch lock\". We don't want to do anything but climb in bed and read or sleep. It takes everything in our power to get outside. It hits hard and fast and it isn't going to improve any when Daylight Saving Time kicks in this weekend.
So, what to do? Get up. Get out the door. Go DO something. Cut down on sugar and heavy, carb-laden foods. Play upbeat music. Watch comedies. Call a friend. Call two friends. Call ALL your friends! Make plans with people. Go hike in the woods. Go to an exercise class. Push each other to go that extra half mile. Record your activity so you can see your progress. Reward yourself with bubble baths instead of Ben and Jerry's. Pray. Sing. Dance. Write. Take pictures. Start a hobby. Volunteer. Do something. Do anything. Just get off the couch. You will feel better. Guaranteed!
❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n\n“But God, who comforts the downcast, comforted us...”
\n2 Corinthians 7:6 NIV\n
*This is not intended as medical advice. Ask your healthcare provider what, if anything, is right for you.
\n\n", "date_published": "2015-10-31T01:30:58-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/10/31/walking.html", "tags": ["Health","Grief","Insight"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/10/31/mr-virgo.html", "title": "Mr. Virgo", "content_html": "\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/c9db96c351.jpg\")
Ten years ago today, this handsome man walked into my little needlework shop to meet me and changed my life forever. Mr. Virgo rocked my world...and still does from afar. Tragic that he left so soon, but he will always and forever be 62 and look just like this. What a handsome man! What a blessing God gave us when He crossed our paths. I'll love you for always, handsome man! ❤️
\n\n", "date_published": "2015-10-31T01:30:12-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/10/31/mr-virgo.html", "tags": ["Grief","Love","Memories"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/10/30/encouragement.html", "title": "Encouragement", "content_html": "\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/2ac9081002.jpg\")
We all need to be encouraged on this road of life. Some have a smooth course. Others fraught with potholes and peril. Some coast merrily along while others struggle up the toughest, steepest roads making the slightest progress. I pray, every single day, over my keyboard. I pray that God will bring me the words He needs me to say and the people who need to hear them. God knows all things. He knows when this writer needs encouragement, as well. He sent Sue to tell me she sends my posts to her ailing husband. He sent me her ailing husband so that I might have the opportunity to minister to him. The enormity of this responsibility is not lost on me and I pray I am worthy of the task. I cannot write God's words. But I can share what the Holy Spirit moves me to say. So, here goes...
\n\n\nBrave Warrior...
\n\n\nHe sees your struggles. He knows your pain. Speak to Him in the stillness of the sleepless night. Cry out for Him when you lose your way in your struggles. Ours is a mighty foe but one which cannot ever take you away from Him. He is the Truth, and the Light. He is the Way. He will comfort you and carry you all the days of your life and when those days are spent, He will cleave you unto Him as a mother coddles her nursling. You need only ask and He will bear your burdens. He will hold you, and those who love you, and guide you through what only He knows is yet to come. Do not be afraid. Rest in Him, Brave Warrior, for He sees in you the spark of life. He will breathe His breath upon it. Only He can set you free.
\n\n\nAmen
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2015-10-30T01:30:56-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/10/30/encouragement.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Comfort","Courage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/10/29/change.html", "title": "Change", "content_html": "\n“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”
\nIsaiah 41:10\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/911c7cd453.jpg\")
There is only one guarantee in life... that it will change. Sometimes on a dime. Sometimes you have no idea what prompted the changes...in circumstances, in relationships, in the world. Other times you have a pretty good understanding but are still powerless to stop it.
\n\n\nI have had a difficult time with change this week. Halloween is coming. Halloween has always been a very special time for me. I met Mr. Virgo on Halloween. That is such a happy memory. And now it's been ten years since that handsome man walked into my little needlework shop and changed my life forever. This is my third Halloween without him. I've reflected a lot on the changes in my life lately. People have come and gone. My life has changed in ways I could never have imagined. Sometimes change is good. Other times, it hurts like hell and there's not a darned thing you can do about it.
\n\n\nI have been blessed in life with friends who have a much better knowledge of the Bible than me. Yesterday, one shared a verse with me that was quite comforting.
\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\"And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.\"
\n2 Corinthians 3:18\n
In other words, the mere act of contemplating God with unveiled faces transforms us into His image. He effects change. And not only in us, but TO us. He changes circumstances. I have no idea why He took Mr. Virgo so young. But I DO know why He brought him into my life in the first place. I tell people if I would have had him for just one day, my life would have been richer for it. I got to have him for seven and a half years. Some people never get to experience that kind of love. I understand my blessings. Still, there are times when the enormity of the loss flattens me. I just don't pitch a tent there anymore.
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2015-10-29T01:30:55-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/10/29/change.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/10/28/breathe.html", "title": "Breathe", "content_html": "\n“The Lord our God said to us at Horeb, “You have stayed long enough at this mountain.”
\nDeuteronomy 1:6 NIV\n
I seem to write a great deal about breathing. Breath is life. It is powerful, cleansing, vital. We catch our breath at the sight of something beautiful. It can be so beautiful in fact that it's breathtaking. We breathe a sigh of relief. We breathe deep the smell of rain on a breeze. Our breath quickens with passion, becomes shallow with fear. We fill our lungs and cry out with the sudden searing pain of the first breath in the moments after birth. We wait with baited breath in moments of great anticipation. We slip away with a sigh as our last breath leaves us.
\n\n\nBreathe. Gurus tell us to control our breathing. Yogis tell us to focus on our breath. Midwives tell us to pant to ease childbirth. Emergency responders tell us calmly, \"Just breathe.\" Conscious breathing can ease anxiety and relax us for sleep. I often remind you to breathe. The world is a hectic place. Life is sometimes a difficult place to be. Grief can make you have an actual sensation in your chest. A heaviness. An ache. It can give you the feeling that you can't take in a deep breath. Sometimes the waves of grief come over you so hard you feel like you're drowning. The waves crash and knock you to the ground. It's ok. Sometimes you find precious gems while you're down there. Just breathe. Then stand up again.
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n“By the word of the Lord the heavens were made, their starry host by the breath of his mouth.”
\nPsalm 33:6\n
![](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/7834259c21.jpg\")
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When you are actively grieving, you are quite certain you will never, ever feel joy again. I had a deep instinct just three days after losing Mr. Virgo. I had stopped at the local bookstore to buy a book on grief. The only thing I knew was what I had experienced losing my grandparents and my mom. I had read a few articles by Elizabeth Kübler Ross. It didn't matter. I could have had a PhD in Psychology and I still wouldn't have been any better prepared to lose the love of my life. The books and articles meant nothing to me. I couldn't relate, mainly because I was in shock and couldn't relate to much of anything in the world.
\n\n\nIn the wee, dark hours of the third day, I was clutching my iPad to my chest, curled in a fetal position, eyes red and swollen from crying, unable to breathe, and I knew. I knew more than anything I had to grieve my own way...organically. I was going to reach inside and look for cellular memories in how to live after loss. I was going to allow myself the indulgences and mistakes and agonizing hours of wailing grief in order to make it through this. I knew I needed something joyful in front of me and that's where TOW-Wanda came in.
\n\n\nDay after day, month after month, I came further and further away from my pain and closer to my self. I'm feeling an inner shift...another layer opened, another layer mended. I'm almost settled into my digs for the winter. I'm reconnecting with family and friends, meeting new people, going out to eat and hear live music. I'm exercising, eating right, sleeping better. As soon as the weather turns cold and I'm stuck inside, my focus will turn to writing. Writing brings me great joy and peace.
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2015-10-26T01:30:38-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/10/26/joy.html", "tags": ["Grief","Courage","Be Joyful!"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/10/10/fear-less.html", "title": "Fear Less", "content_html": "\n“You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace; the mountains and hills will burst into song before you, and all the trees of the field will clap their hands.”
\nIsaiah 55:12\n
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What do you do in the afternoon when you have promised your dermatologist you won't expose 80% of your body to the strongest sun of the day? Well, you go shopping, of course! Even though I seldom buy anything, I still enjoy a girls afternoon...lunch, then wander aimlessly through cute stores.
\n\n\nIt was successful on many levels. Besides the whole girl bonding thing, there was lunch, a cute little coffee shop, and I found a really neat bracelet I HAD to have. It's a thin silver band with the word \"Fearless\" stamped on it with a card attached. \"To be fearless is to do what scares you, to take a chance, to make a change. To love again. And to get back up after you fall. To be fearless is to know your fears, but never let them stop you.\"
\n\n\nThis resonated with me and I bought the little band to wear on the same wrist as my feather tattoo. My tattoo reminds me that my burdens are as light as a feather because God carries them for me. It seemed to fit.
Along toward the end of the our shopping excursion, we were in one of the last shops and I saw a coffee mug with \"Fear Less\" on it. It made me stop dead in my tracks. This is different...a totally different play on words that gives being fearless a whole new meaning.
I do not have to go out there and try to be without fear. But I CAN strive to fear LESS. That is a realistic goal that will benefit me far more than trying to attain the unattainable. Now, when I look at my new bracelet, I will see two words instead of one....Fear Less.
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2015-10-10T01:30:07-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/10/10/fear-less.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Fear","Courage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/10/05/taking-risks.html", "title": "Taking Risks", "content_html": "\n“You will not fear the terror of night, nor the arrow that flies by day,”
\nPsalm 91:5\n
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It's easy to stay in our comfort zone. And, as uncomfortable as grief is, sometimes it's easier to pull the covers over our heads and stay in a cocoon. Because people will excuse us. \"Poor thing...she's a widow, you know.\" That scenario can end up being a thief...of time, self-confidence, friendships, experiences. Getting back up on the horse isn't easy and you have to do it over and over and over again.
\n\n\nThis rain has left me in a funk the last couple of days...my mood feeling as grey as the October sky. So I did something to stretch my wings. Even though I'm not necessarily comfortable in the ocean, I stood on the beach and let the surf of high tide rush over my legs. It looked a whole lot scarier from this photo's vantage point than it actually was. The water barely covered my knees...but I could feel the power of it as it rushed by me. It felt exhilarating and alive. It brought me back to myself, my heart beating fast, foam dancing all around me. Ok, don't scold me. Maybe it wasn't the smartest thing I've ever done...and I'm not planning on doing it again. But, for a moment, I stood on the edge. And I woke up.
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2015-10-05T01:30:10-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/10/05/taking-risks.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Positive Energy","Growth"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/10/04/finding-happiness.html", "title": "Finding Happiness", "content_html": "\n“See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.”
\nIsaiah 43:19\n
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There was a time when I wondered if I would ever be happy again. I am...but it's a different kind of happy. There's always an undercurrent of sadness...like the rivers that flow on the bed of the ocean. I've always been a happy person. But now it's like waking up and speaking your native tongue with a heavy accent that you never had before. There's a new definition of happy. Happiness doesn't come as naturally as it used to. Grief did that. It changed me. Sometimes I have to choose to be happy. And when I put that choice into action, those that know and love me see a chameleon. I can change right in front of them. I carry myself differently. My voice changes. My facial expressions change.
\n\n\nI was raised to put my best foot forward. It's ingrained from childhood. The child of an alcoholic is the peacekeeper, the comedian. I learned at a very early age to create a diversion when things started heading south. I do it when I'm sad. I do it when I'm angry. I do it when I meet new people. I was taught that \"First impressions are lasting impressions.\" Since Mr. Virgo died, I've been getting to know who I am...what I like...what I care about...what I want. I get down on myself when I put on the perky persona. But, at least I recognize it. I'm a work in progress. I'm learning. I'm growing. I'm healing. I am becoming a new version of me. And it's only been two and a half years since Mr. Virgo died. I have to remind myself of that fact. Two and a half years is not very long in the grand scheme of the grief process. I give myself permission to be human, to make mistakes...to just be. That, in itself, is a relief.
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2015-10-04T01:30:51-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/10/04/finding-happiness.html", "tags": ["Grief","Growth","Gratitude"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/09/29/hearts.html", "title": "Hearts", "content_html": "\n“Know that the Lord is God. It is he who made us, and we are his; we are his people, the sheep of his pasture.”
\nPsalm 100:3\n
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I vacillate between \"God, I love my life!\" and \"My heart hurts.\" Sunday was a heart hurt day. The day was beautiful. My friend and I decided to start our trip to the beach early and that meant there was a lot to do to prepare. I was busy doing laundry and cleaning house. I wasn't thinking about anything in particular. I felt great...looking forward to getting away to the beach for some R&R with the girls. We've been planning this trip for months and I was feeling really excited. I had the music on and the windows flung open wide to catch the cool breeze coming off the river...the smell of damp earth and fallen leaves filling my perfect little tiny home. Then it happened.
\n\n\nCeline Dion sang \"The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face\". Now, I've heard that song a hundred times and it hasn't bothered me a bit. But, in that moment, it knocked the breath out of me and I burst into tears. The unpredictability of grief used to drive me crazy. It scared me to feel so out of control and at the mercy of such rapidly changing emotions. Now I have learned it's normal. It's perfectly normal. The issue I struggle with is different. I want to be strong and put on my happy face. The thought of running the people I love away with my woes is unbearable so I'm not always straight forward with them when I'm feeling bad. That's something I'm working on.
\n\n\nHearts are tender when you're healing from a devastating loss. I have to remind myself, it's only been two and a half years since Mr. Virgo died. That's really not all that long. I've been on this path long enough now to know the sea is calm on the other side of the waves and I will always feel better with the light of day. I always do.
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2015-09-29T01:30:08-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/09/29/hearts.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Insight"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/09/25/attitude-of-gratitude.html", "title": "Attitude of Gratitude", "content_html": "\n“You, Lord, are my lamp; the Lord turns my darkness into light.”
\n2 Samuel 22:29\n
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Yesterday had God written all over it. As we saw in yesterday's post, it was the one year anniversary of my Bohemian life on the road. TOW-Wanda and I have logged thousands of miles as I've navigated the hollows of my heart. I awoke yesterday and set out to spend the day with an attitude of gratitude.
\n\n\nI drove across the Appalachian mountains under wispy thin clouds. The trees are preparing for their annual autumn review with the same anxious trepidation of a new bride waiting to step out in her wedding finery. The air was hushed with the anticipation of the riot of color about to be splashed over these ancient hills. As I navigated the kiss-me-Kate turns, I listened to Yo Yo Ma's \"Unaccompanied Cello\". That particular album evokes fall for me. Classical music is the backdrop for many autumn trips to Explore Bookseller in Aspen for my usual stack of winter reading material. I hear the lonesome strains of those strings and my mind takes me to walks over crunchy leaf covered sidewalks, cool crisp air, mugs of steaming cider, flannel shirts, long denim skirts, warm leather boots...pumpkins on the doorsteps. Yo Yo Ma breathes fall's goodness into me.
\n\n\nI was driving through Elkins, WV...home of a wonderful Liberal Arts College...Davis & Elkins. It is a revived town listed as one of the top 100 art towns in the country. I love Elkins. As I drove through, I felt the now familiar hand of Spirit guiding me. I must have pulled over four times till I finally found what He wanted me to see. Hiawatha. A 15' statue in front of a souvenir shop I've blithely driven by no less than 100 times in the 37 years they've been open. I dutifully stopped the car and went in.
\n\n\nShe was a tiny thing, standing behind the counter beckoning me in with a warm hello. \"Can I help you?\" What do you say in a case like this? \"Nah, hang on...you're about to have a God moment\"? No...these things have to play themselves out in their own way. I'm just the messenger.
\n\n\nAfter moseying around the shop a bit, I found myself standing in front of her telling her the story of losing Mr. Virgo. She reacted as many do...gasp, hand to mouth, eyes widen. And this time, as so often happens, tears began to course down her face. She quietly told me this week marks two years since...wait for it...her husband dropped dead of a heart attack right in front of her. Stunned silence for only a moment before I found my way around the counter and took her into my embrace. We are sisters of a different sort.
\n\n\nWe both have scars on our hearts. We wear a secret code only others on this particular path understand. We are kindred spirits...both members of a club we did not ask to join. It was God who led me to her to share that moment of grief together in a souvenir store in Small Town America. I had nothing more important to do than to stand in that store for an hour and minister to this woman who is feeling that same sense of dread and pain that I went through six months ago as I approached the second Angelversary of my own husband's death.
\n\n\nGod works in mysterious ways. One of the most profound effects of this journey has been the opening of my heart, my mind, my ears to His voice. I go where He tells me. And yesterday, He touched two lives by bring our souls together for comfort. It was a beautiful day. It was God's day.
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2015-09-25T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/09/25/attitude-of-gratitude.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Gratitude","Courage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/09/12/the-ugly-side-of-grief.html", "title": "The Ugly Side of Grief", "content_html": "\n\"My mouth will speak words of wisdom; the meditation of my heart will give you understanding.”
\nPsalm 49:3\n
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I've always told you I would be brutally honest about this roller coaster ride from hell. While I would love to tell you an uplifting story today with a good moral at the end, I can't sit here and blow sunshine up your skirt. This hasn't been a great few days. A lot has come into play...9/11, missing my CO family (why can't we just combine the two states???), trailer lag, new time zone, coming down off my travel high, and Mr. Virgo's birthday. His 65th. That was big. Well, it was GOING to be big. I mean, I'm ok...really. But, dammit...this sucks. This sucks in a big way. This sucks and sucks and sucks sometimes. I haven't gotten around to seeing everyone since I got back and I feel bad about that. A friend and her family went out on the boat yesterday and I was SO looking forward to it but when it came time to go I got anxious and fretful and freaked out at not \"being in control of my surroundings\" and backed out at the last second. Then I spent the next two hours looking at the pictures they were posting and kicking myself for not going and berating myself.
\n\n\nBut...it's ok. It's ok sometimes to have a nutty and drop out for a few days. It's ok to listen to your body and your mind and your spirit and say, \"You know what? I'm not up for this today. I'll check back in with you when I'm feeling up to it.\" It's perfectly ok to park your butt wherever you need to park it, WHENever you need it parked, and you don't owe anyone an apology or an explanation. Those who don't understand or aren't behind you 100% aren't your tribe anyway. Grief is unpredictable. As it turned out, it was a good thing I was home. My friend had left her little dog in the outdoor run and he pulled a \"Houdini\". I heard him barking and thought they were home from boating I went out to greet them and there was Jack, the little escape artist, bounding like a gazelle through the field heading straight for the guy running the corn harvester! I dropped down and called him and he happily changed direction to come get his belly rubbed.
\n\n\nNaughty boy!
\n\n\nSo, it all turned out for the best. There will be other boating opportunities and other days of feeling like a million bucks. I'm grateful to my sister/friend Patty for helping me remember self-care is not self-indulgent...it's imperative.
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2015-09-12T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/09/12/the-ugly-side-of-grief.html", "tags": ["Grief","Grace","Forgiveness"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/09/11/never-forget.html", "title": "Never Forget", "content_html": "\n\"Do not neglect the gift you have, which was given you by prophecy when the council of elders laid their hands on you. Practice these things, immerse yourself in them, so that all may see your progress. Keep a close watch on yourself and on the teaching. Persist in this, for by so doing you will save both yourself and your hearers.\"
\n1 Timothy 4:14-16\n
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Like most people, I know exactly where I was the day the world stopped turning. I was waiting for a friend in the local bakery. She walked in and said, \"Did you hear something about a plane hitting one of the buildings of the World Trade Center?\" We knew nothing more and chalked it up to rookie pilot error with a small plane and set to visiting. Then more and more people came in with news. We turned on the radio and as details began to reveal the seriousness of the situation, we went our separate ways. I went straight to a friend's house and we watched together, holding onto each other with one hand...the other clasped over our mouths to stifle the screams.
\n\n\nLife as we new it changed in the breath of a New York minute. We became one people. We were softer...gentler with each other. We grieved as if it were our own family members dying in the rubble of what once stood mighty. We became resolved as a nation to pull together and get through this. We hugged strangers on the street. And now look at us. We haven't been so far apart in 50 years. Where did the love go? What happened to our compassion? I don't mean, you...and me. I'm referring to the collective we. Division is what the enemy seeks. Confusion is his realm. Go out today and take it back. Take the world and its people back into your loving embrace because, if we don't turn this around and reunite as one, all those beautiful, promising lives lost are lost in vain. They are further gone from us. Go out today and embrace the world and her people. Spread a little love wherever you go. And never, ever forget.
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2015-09-11T01:30:34-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/09/11/never-forget.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Courage","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/09/09/peace.html", "title": "Peace", "content_html": "\n\"Come now, let’s make a covenant, you and I, and let it serve as a witness between us.”
\nGenesis 31:44\n
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I had an interesting thing happen. When I was in Deadwood, I got to see and visit with a Sister/friend from Mississippi. Sue is an author who pens romantic mysteries and books about the supernatural. I first met her in Estes Park two years ago at a Sisters on the Fly event. She took us on a ghost tour/investigation of the Historic Stanley Hotel which was really cool. Sue is a hoot and a half and I was thrilled when she took a couple days away from her writing (even though she is pushing a deadline) to join us.
\n\n\nI was telling Sue about having my cards read in May and that the gal finally put them down and said there was a gray haired man there with me. She told me he is always with me, over my left shoulder. She leaned her head on her fist and said, \"He looks at you like this. He adores you!\" And that made me teary eyed because that's what he always told me. Sue got really excited and said she wanted to contact a woman she knows on my behalf who sometimes receives messages from those who have passed.
\n\n\nYesterday she sent me a note from the gal. She said she saw a picture of Sue and me on FB and a gray haired man came forward with a message for me. She wrote my name as Jennie, not Ginny, even though Sue had not identified me. She said the man wanted me to know he's ok. Sue called her for more details of the vision she had seen. She said the gray haired man showed her a deck or patio and we were drinking something out of mugs. He told her his happiest times were with me outside. And we did sit out on the porch often, drinking our coffee. I loved those mornings.
\n\n\nI know. It's an easy assumption for her to make. Most couples sit outside and drink coffee when they can. But Sue asked her if he had a beard or mustache. The lady said no, he was clean shaven. That's what the card reader said as well. Mr. Virgo didn't have his beard when he died. Who knows? Maybe it's hooey. But it's comforting to me to receive the same message, with the same description from two different people. It gives me peace.
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2015-09-09T01:30:33-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/09/09/peace.html", "tags": ["Grief","Comfort","Peaceful Moments","Memories"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/09/05/changing-directions.html", "title": "Changing Directions", "content_html": "\n\"For God does speak—now one way, now another— though no one perceives it.\"
\nJob 33:14\n
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I love watching the tugboats pushing the barges up and down the river. I especially love watching them navigate the twists and turns. It reminds me of the path my life has taken. The tugboat is affixed to the barges so they move as one unit. They don't face forward like driving a car and steering into the turn. Their propellers turn and swing their rear ends around till the nose is faced in the direction they want to go. God turns our propellers in the direction He wants us to go and it doesn't matter how much we fight to maintain control. It's best to just let loose of the wheel and go with the flow.
\n\n\nI was reminded of this as I sat down at the river and watched the comings and goings of the barges. Yesterday would have been the day I was going to meet up with my gentleman friend and perhaps start a new path together. At least, that's what we had talked about all summer. When he called suddenly a couple weeks ago and said he had become \"re-involved\" with a previous relationship and that he would no longer be calling me, there was an instant empty spot that I didn't even realize I was letting him fill.
\n\n\nI do my best thinking as I drive and I've driven a lot in the last ten days. I went through various scenarios in my mind trying to reconcile my feelings about yet another change in my path. First off, it had nothing to do with me and everything to do with his path, his journey. It is the nature of relationship that there are two paths and sometimes they diverge. Second, I have work to do that would not get done if I were busy nurturing a love affair. I have writing that needs to come out...a book that needs to be borne. I also need to rethink how I approach my interactions with men and not see them as potential mates. If not, I'm going to go through this every single time I date someone. That doesn't feel good.
\n\n\nI toyed with the idea of sending him a note to let him know I had arrived safely, till I realized if he cared to know that information, he would ask. So, here's how I have settled it in my head. Maybe he hooked up with an old flame. Maybe not. Maybe I scared him off. Maybe he just decided we are too different. Maybe he's a player and that just slipped by me. Doesn't matter. I have decided he just didn't want me to whip his butt at pickleball. That would have been embarrassing!
\n\n\nYes, God stepped in here and changed my path, yet again. I just have to listen for the gentle whispers and follow directions.
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2015-09-05T01:30:45-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/09/05/changing-directions.html", "tags": ["Grief","Growth","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/08/25/i-love-you-to-the.html", "title": "I Love You to The Moon and Back", "content_html": "\n\"The Lord your God has blessed you in all the work of your hands. He has watched over your journey through this vast wilderness. These forty years the Lord your God has been with you, and you have not lacked anything.\"
\nDeuteronomy 2:7\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/f194e0c6bc.jpg\")
I've had several readers respond with stories of having lost a child. When I read them, the bottom of my heart drops to the floor. I have no adequate words to relay to them as how could mere words offer comfort to a grieving mother of one of God's tiniest angels? Some gave died by choice...an infinitely difficult circumstance to accept. Some have been taken away by grievous acts of violence. Some by way of accidents. And many through that insidious thief...cancer. Childhood cancer takes our most precious gems away at an alarming rate. Little Ronan Thompson was a gorgeous little boy with crystal blue eyes and sandy blond hair. He was the apple of everyone's eye. He was his older twin brothers' hero and best friend. One day, his mother noticed one of his eyes was a little droopy so they were checked from stem to stern. The dreadful diagnosis came and Ronan's parents learned he had Stage IV Neuroblastoma...an aggressive brain cancer. Ronan fought like a rockstar through chemo, radiation, and surgeries yet nothing could stop the steady growth. His mama whispered into his ear and told him, \"c'mon baby, fly away with me\". And he finally quit fighting. Ronan's parents created the Ronan Thompson Foundation to fund research on Neuroblastoma. His mother writes a blog that has chronicled life during his illness and what they are doing since he died. Taylor Swift wrote a song that will rip the heart right out of your chest. All proceeds have gone to Childhood Cancer research. There has to be a special place in Heaven for parents who have lost a child. I cannot imagine the pain you have gone through. I hold you all in my prayers.
\n\n\n?
\n\n\nListen to Ronan by Taylor Swift HERE.
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2015-08-25T01:30:16-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/08/25/i-love-you-to-the.html", "tags": ["Family","Grief","Fear"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/08/24/time.html", "title": "Time", "content_html": "\n\"David pleaded with God for the child. He fasted and spent the nights lying in sackcloth on the ground.\"
\n2 Samuel 12:16\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/6fb5529fc4.jpg\")
The other day I described time as \"slippery\". Here it is, my last full day in Colorado. This has been a wonderful summer full of grand adventures. And for the first time since I was a kid, summer stretched out in front of me in an endless stream of sun filled days. This feels like the longest summer of my life. I think that is because I was looking forward to exploring a new relationship and the time couldn't pass fast enough to get back to West Virginia. Now that the possibility of a pending relationship has been removed, it has caused me to pause and think about how our thoughts can change the perception of time.
\n\n\nSometimes years pass in a heartbeat. Other times three months is an eternity. Time doesn't always pass more quickly the older you get. I know elderly people who sit staring down the abyss just waiting to die and they think death will never get there soon enough. I don't want to be that woman. Time has become an extremely valuable commodity. I want to grasp time in both hands and squeeze. I want to bathe in it and get drunk by it's richness. I want every adventure I've ever dreamed of, and some that surprise me...taking my breath away with their beauty. I used to think I had all the time in the world. I don't. So, tomorrow I hit the road again for another Grand Adventure...this time to Deadwood, SD with a bunch of wild women in tutus and cowboy boots! How fun is that? THAT is a good way to spend some time!
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2015-08-24T01:30:15-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/08/24/time.html", "tags": ["Family","Travel","Grief"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/08/23/love-and-loss.html", "title": "Love and Loss", "content_html": "\n\"You have made my days a mere handbreadth; the span of my years is as nothing before you. Everyone is but a breath, even those who seem secure.\"
\nPsalm 39:5\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/7e0c45cc14.jpg\")
The other night, I held Mr. Virgo in my hands. Well, part of him. I had the funeral director cut a lock of his gorgeous silver hair so I could keep it with me. He put it in a little plastic bag and stuck that in a blue velvet drawstring bag. I keep it in the leather box of the watch Mr. Virgo gave me for Christmas one year. I keep the red leather box on my bedside table. I can talk to him there. My feelings are a little tender this week. Understandable, given the circumstances.
\n\n\nI haven't taken that lock of hair out for a long, long time. I didn't cry. I wasn't necessarily sad. I just wanted to touch him for a moment. I wanted something tangible to remind me...indeed, he WAS real. He DID exist. He wasn't a figment of my imagination. Sometimes he's TOO far away and I need to bring him a little closer. Just for a minute I need to cradle that sterling silver in my hands again. I close my eyes and feel the texture between my finger and thumb and remember what it felt like to run my hands through his hair. I breathe in deep and I can almost smell him....leather, woods, tobacco, Halston. Just for a moment I hear his voice, see his smile, lay my head on his chest...feel his heart beating. Just for a moment. It fills me with love and hope and determination. Then, I carefully tuck him away...back in his leather box. And I feel better. I am ok.
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2015-08-23T01:30:11-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/08/23/love-and-loss.html", "tags": ["Grief","Love","Insight"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/08/22/stuff-happens.html", "title": "Stuff Happens", "content_html": "\n\"I think it is right to refresh your memory as long as I live in the tent of this body,\"
\n2 Peter 1:13\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/6520edff95.jpg\")
Ok, I debated whether to even bring this up. But it's part of life after the loss of a spouse and that's what I'm here to talk about and practice in my own life. So, here goes.
\n\n\nI met someone interesting in WV. He found me, actually. He's a good man, a widower of four years. He had dated a bit, one relationship lasting nine months. He spoke very kindly of her and there was something in his voice but I didn't explore it. We have SO much in common. We had three dates before I left for CO. They went well. We talked nearly every day all summer for 1-3 hours. Things were going great. Then there was a family wedding over the weekend. I didn't hear from him much. I didn't really expect to because he was busy. Then, Tuesday night, out of the blue, he called to say he had rekindled a past relationship and he couldn't continue this. Needless to say, I was initially crushed, then disappointed, then angry, then resolved.
Dating after loss is difficult, to say the least. The whole getting to know you thing, the questions and answers...it's all so tiresome. But it's also exciting to have something new and fresh to look forward to. Someone to talk to. Someone to care about. Someone to care about you. I've dated a couple of other guys, but I always kept my hand on the doorknob with an escape route firmly in place because it was really way too soon. This one was different. This one was special. I took my hand off the door. That's why this one stung...until I had a chance to think about it. The upside is, I felt the spark. I know it's there and it can come again. I am grateful he showed me that.
Maybe God is protecting me from something even more painful down the road. At first I thought, \"What a tragedy!\" But that quickly changed to \"No....having my husband drop dead in front of me at age 62 is a tragedy. This is a minor inconvenience...a bee sting.\" A friend said God weeded my garden for me. Sweet thought, but even with the way this went down, I think he's a good man. He went with his heart and was honest and up front about it and told me before it went on.
\n\n\nSo, I licked my wounds, and sent him a lovely note in which I told him we all deserve to be with the one we love and that I truly wish him the very best. I don't know if I'll try again. I do believe in love. But there are seven available women to every man with a pulse, and frankly you have to figure out...\"Is the juice really worth the squeeze?\"
\n\n\nIn the words of Jed Bartlet... \"What's next?\"
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\"“You expected much, but see, it turned out to be little. What you brought home, I blew away. Why?” declares the Lord Almighty. “Because of my house, which remains a ruin, while each of you is busy with your own house.\"
\nHaggai 1:9\n
\n\n\n", "date_published": "2015-08-22T01:30:50-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/08/22/stuff-happens.html", "tags": ["Grief","Growth","Insight"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/08/20/dreams.html", "title": "Dreams", "content_html": "\n\"Even my close friend, someone I trusted, one who shared my bread, has turned against me.\"
\nPsalm 41:9\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/e0d3a6efc7.jpg\")
I used to dream. Vast, epic, technicolor, Academy Award worthy dreams. Then Mr. Virgo died and my night world went dark. Gone. It was puzzling and disconcerting to wake up and feel that my night consisted of nothing but dead air. I think it compounded my sadness as I so desperately wanted to dream. I can remember two dreams in the two and a half years since that day I lost Mr. Virgo. And both dreams had him in them. The first, I was laying in his arms, my head on his shoulder. The second, I went to see him at his new job. He was wearing a beautiful brown suit, shuffling papers at his desk, and the smile on his face when he saw me was so beautiful. His eyes sparkled like raindrops in the summer sun. Other than those two dreams, my nights were dark...until about a month ago. I'm not having those epic, novelesque movie-dreams yet. But it is such a blessed relief to wake up and not feel like I'm coming out of a coma. I don't know what the difference is, but whatever it is, I'm grateful.
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\"A dream comes when there are many cares, and many words mark the speech of a fool.\"
\nEcclesiastes 5:3\n
Photo Credit: www.scienceofrelationships.com
\n\n", "date_published": "2015-08-20T01:30:34-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/08/20/dreams.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Growth"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/08/19/care-package.html", "title": "Care Package", "content_html": "\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/e1dcf16638.jpg\")
Ok, now y'all went and made me cry. The other day I offered a prayer up for Anthea. She lost her husband about three weeks ago now. Those of us who have walked that path have an understanding of what she's going through. She came to us via a recommendation by her dear friend, Debbie. Debbie sent me a private message and asked me what she could do to help her friend. I sent her some ideas and Debbie, being the angel-friend she is, immediately took steps to implement them. She delivered a Grief Support package to Anthea, who in turn sent me a picture and I wanted to share with you how easy it is to make a huge difference in a new widow/widower's life.
\n\n\nOne of the biggest problems I've encountered is people WANT to help but they either don't know what to do or they're afraid of doing the wrong thing. The following is my response to Debbie when she asked for help. Keep in mind these are the things that would/did help me and everyone is different. But they're a good start.
\n\n\n\"Debbie...seriously, the best things you can do is listen, listen, listen. The biggest hurdle I had was when everyone went on with their lives and I was left holding this bag of fragments that used to be my life. You feel abandoned all over again. Put a random mark on your calendar and keep checking in with her. Send her cards occasionally. Above all, unless you know what it's like to lose your spouse, don't say I know how you feel because it couldn't come close. Don't just say \"Call me if you need me.\" Because she likely won't. Make a list of names and numbers of those people she can call anytime, day or night. If there are specific things or services they can provide, write that next to their name and number. Then give her copies of this list. Several of them. Put one on the fridge, in her purse, by the bed, on her phone. This is going to be a crazy time for her.
\n\n\nHelp her understand how normal it is to feel crazy and out of control. Lost. And that her memory is shot now. She needs to write everything down. And I mean everything. Get her a small journal for her purse. Put notepads and pens around the house. Give her a beautiful journal for beside her bed and encourage her to write in it every day. If she says she can't think of anything or that she isn't a good writer, suggest she write letters to her husband. I wrote letters for a year and it really helped me. If you are a close enough friend that you can talk about finances, and especially if she is going to receive a life insurance policy, gently guide her to a financial counselor. Also, have the name and number of a good grief counselor available to give her. Other than all of that, just love her. And pray for her. Thanks for being such a good friend to her. She's going to need you.\"
\n\n\nThe only thing I could add to this is if you are a close enough friend or family member that you have photographs of the loved one lost, please include them. I didn't have nearly as many pictures of Mr. Virgo as I wish I had. Some more would have been welcomed, especially with planning a funeral or memorial service.
\n\n\nY'all continue to amaze me. I can't tell you how touching it was to see this. I love every one of you!
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\"Give proper recognition to those widows who are really in need. But if a widow has children or grandchildren, these should learn first of all to put their religion into practice by caring for their own family and so repaying their parents and grandparents, for this is pleasing to God. The widow who is really in need and left all alone puts her hope in God and continues night and day to pray and to ask God for help.\"
\n1 Timothy 5:3-5\n
Photo Credit: Anthea, fellow Rancher.
\n\n", "date_published": "2015-08-19T01:30:10-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/08/19/care-package.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Gratitude"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/08/17/at-summers-end.html", "title": "At Summer's End", "content_html": "\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/24803de9b7.jpg\")
Well, here we are...the end of summer vacation. I have one more week in Colorado and I'm spending it off in the mountains. Some time will be spent with family and friends who are dear to me. Some will be spent on my own, way up high, where I can breathe and shed some more layers before I head east next week. This phase of grieving is much like wearing a lot of layers of clothes. When you aren't doing anything, they seem comfortable and warm. But when you get out there and start moving around, they begin to feel constricting and uncomfortable. And you can't shed a layer of grief as easily as you can a jacket. There's some effort involved. That's when I go off by myself and let stuff go. And, the letting go of these layers isn't painful like it used to be. Now it's more like doing some housekeeping and getting things in order. Just checking in to see how I'm doing and where I'm at. Recharging the batteries is good for the soul!
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2015-08-17T01:30:34-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/08/17/at-summers-end.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Courage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/08/15/ebb-and-flow.html", "title": "Ebb and Flow", "content_html": "\n\"No one is to come with you or be seen anywhere on the mountain; not even the flocks and herds may graze in front of the mountain.”
\nExodus 34:3\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/209f599c14.jpg\")
One of our fellow \"Ranchers\" lost her husband two weeks ago and it caused me to pause and remember where I was two and a half years ago. My heart aches for her because, even though grief is an individual thing, I have a good understanding of where she is emotionally. I was so lost back then. At two weeks, I was in Denver staying with my son-in-law's parents. They are as much family to me as my own flesh and blood. I spent as much time as I could with my kids and grandkids but other than knowing logistically that I was there, I have very, very little memory of it. I bought my first little camper that week because instinctively I knew I needed to put something joyful in front of me or I wasn't going to survive this. I was numb for so long.
\n\n\nI cannot tell you when the lowest ebb occurred. There were so many dark times that they all seemed to run together. I had a close friendship with a guy from high school and, God bless him...he would stay on the phone with me for hours while I wailed. Hours. I have a brother/friend who would come to my house at 3:00 in the morning and sit with me till dawn...in my trailer out front...because I could not sleep in my house. One night I couldn't stop crying and it scared me. I went on Facebook and waited till someone...ANYONE I knew came online in chat. My friend Deb was the first one on and I sent a text ...
\n\n\n\"Deb?\" She sent a text back...\"Call me...right now!\" She had lost a husband. She understood. I walked Main Street of my small town going from shop to shop so I could get hugs from people I knew. I stood at Mr. Virgo's grave and threw my head back and wailed like a wounded animal...it was so primal and guttural, it shocked me. I drove all over the place, pulling TOW-Wanda....trying to outrun my fear and pain. And, at some point...it started to turn. Little by little, the good days started to outweigh the bad until I could breathe again.
\n\n\nI thank God I had this page to turn to. You were my outlet. My sounding board. Part diversion, part immersion therapy. And always my support. Always, always showing me unconditional love. Oh, there were people who \"unliked\" the page...there still are occasionally. But for every one that leaves, there are more who arrive and the numbers continue to build. Increasing numbers, in and of itself, is not my goal. My goal is for this page to be a safe haven, a beacon in the dark....a lighthouse. I pray every day before I write and I ask God to give me the words to say. And the flip side of that is to bring the readers who need the message.
\n\n\nOur new \"Rancher\" came here at her friend's suggestion because of her interest in camping. But once she arrived, she felt there was maybe a different reason God had sent her to us. There are so many hurting people in the world. There are so many who grieve over loss in its many forms. I am often asked if a post can be shared. My answer is always...unequivocally...yes! Please, please share Marshmallow Ranch with someone who needs lifting up. I consider this my mission in life...to serve and aid those who suffer the pain of loss.
\n\n\nI can never say thank you enough for all you give me here. You are truly gifts to me and it is my privilege to write for you.
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2015-08-15T01:30:12-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/08/15/ebb-and-flow.html", "tags": ["Grief","Gratitude","Grace"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/08/04/closure.html", "title": "Closure", "content_html": "\n\"The Lord announces the word, and the women who proclaim it are a mighty throng:\".
\nPsalm 68:11\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/3db9d29eee.jpg\")
A couple of nights ago, we were at dinner and Little was talking about her Papa. I told her the story about how we chose the cemetery because it was actually on a golf course. She stopped me with a stern look, hand on her hip, and asked why I hadn't taken them there yet. The girls didn't come to the cemetery for the burial because Mom and Dad were worried about the military gun salute scaring them. So, yesterday after breakfast, we went to the store and bought flowers to lay at the grave.
\n\n\nLittle was very brave. She is my tender hearted one. She placed the flowers. They both placed a stone at the edge of the grave and then she wanted to talk about him. We looked at the surroundings, talked about how much Papa loved golf. We checked out the little stones and trinkets people had left for him. And then the inevitable lip quiver and I knew she was ready to share her grief and gain some closure.
\n\n\nShe looked down and said, \"Nana, you know…he's not really gone. Just part of him. It was just his body that died.\" Then she asked me about HOW he died. It was the first time we talked about the specifics. I was honest without getting into the gory details. She sobbed and got it out and regained her composure rather quickly. I'm glad we had that moment together. I hope it helped her as much as it helped me.
\n\n\nLittle ones need closure as much as we big ones do.
\n\n\n❤
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2015-08-04T01:30:54-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/08/04/closure.html", "tags": ["Family","Grief","Courage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/07/30/remembering.html", "title": "Remembering", "content_html": "\n\"You will surely forget your trouble, recalling it only as waters gone by. Life will be brighter than noonday, and darkness will become like morning. You will be secure, because there is hope; you will look about you and take your rest in safety.\"
\nJob 11:16-18\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/189f8d0ee7.jpg\")
This is my friend, Tony. He lost his battle with MS a few months ago. We'll be remembering him with a memorial service this Saturday. Tony was a charmer. A dentist by profession, but a skier, runner, biker, friend, and father extraordinaire. He volunteered for the ski patrol till he couldn't do it anymore. I first met Tony when we moved into the house across the street from he and his family. My late mother-in-law was visiting from out of town and had a sudden dental emergency. Tony dropped what he was doing and met us in the office in the middle of the night so she could have pain relief.
\n\n\nSegue forward about ten years and we were both single. Tony helped me by just being my friend. He helped me do the landscaping at my house that I had built. I went to his house right after the first plane hit the towers on 9/11 and we sat and cried together as we watched them fall one by one. When his health deteriorated, he moved to the Front Range to be closer to family. We lost touch, as people are prone to do. Sometimes people just come into your life like that…for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. He was a sweetheart and the world is a little less bright without him.
\n\n\nI thought of him last night as I sat in the park listening to live music. It occurred to me we sat together in this exact spot 15 years ago enjoying a hot summer night of cool jazz. And I smiled with the memory. Isn't that the best thing we can hope for? That someday, after the pain of loss has subsided, someone somewhere will think of us and smile?
\n\n\nGod rest your sweet soul, Tony. Till we meet again….
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2015-07-30T01:30:51-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/07/30/remembering.html", "tags": ["Grief","Gratitude","Comfort"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/07/29/a-different-kind-of-goodbye.html", "title": "A Different Kind of Goodbye", "content_html": "\n\"But the noble make noble plans, and by noble deeds they stand.\"
\nIsaiah 32:8\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/47678f3260.jpg\")
When I was planning Mr. Virgo's funeral, I was dismayed at the priest's lack of cooperation in the details. I had several songs I wanted shared and speakers we loved to say a few words. He said those things did not belong in a traditional Catholic funeral and having never been to one, I knew no different. I didn't have it in me to fight anyway. It was a nice service…but I felt it could have been so much more if there were tributes and music. So, yesterday I went to the cemetery armed with my iPad and played all of Mr. Virgo's favorite songs, including those I had chosen for his funeral. Nessun Dorma, Ave Maria, To Where You Are, Go Rest High on That Mountain…among others. There were abundant bluebirds and butterflies. I brought a couple of rocks from WV to place on his grave. And I found this…a pack of Pall Malls, his brand since he started smoking them in Vietnam. Even though these are what killed him, I was touched to see someone had been thinking of him and came to visit leaving the familiar green box behind. There are little stones and a penny placed carefully on the rocks surrounding him…all mementoes left to let me know someone was there. As long as we keep our loved ones in our hearts and their names on our lips, they are never completely gone.
\n\n\nYesterday's was a different kind of goodbye for me. It felt like a completion of sorts…like I finally got to have that funeral the way I wanted it. And it was symbolic in other ways. I'm moving on with my life now. I'm pursuing other interests. I want love in my life again. I want companionship. It felt so healthy to let go of another basketful of grief and raise my shoulders a little higher. I felt more free when I left the cemetery. I will never forget him. He will be my forever love and will remain a part of me. But there's room in my heart now for another. And for that I am most grateful.
\n\n\nGoodbye, my love. And thank you for everything you have given me…including the courage to go on without you.
\n\n\n❤
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2015-07-29T01:30:09-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/07/29/a-different-kind-of-goodbye.html", "tags": ["Grief","Growth","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/07/23/perspective.html", "title": "Perspective", "content_html": "\n\"I thank God, whom I serve, as my ancestors did, with a clear conscience, as night and day I constantly remember you in my prayers.\"
\n2 Timothy 1:3\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/972758044f.jpg\")
When you travel through life and keep your focus on the past, your view will never, ever change. You can't rewrite history. It is what it is. I was talking with my friend the other night. We've both gone through the death of a spouse. I was talking about this blog and how it has evolved since Mr. Virgo died. I can go back and read my posts of two years ago and one year ago and they are vastly different than now. The natural progression through grief has brought me to a place where I seldom look back and grieve for times past. My focus now is forward, embracing what life brings. In some ways, it's like the scene in Titanic where Rose stands on the bow of the ship and closes her eyes to feel the wind rush over her. My focus is now on life, not death. Light, not dark. Oh, there are still triggers that remind me of where I've been, but they are no longer anchors that hold me fast to the bottom. They are wakes from the passing ships that rock me, sometimes severely, but there is a limit to their power. They pass.
\n\n\nI can clearly see my progress into a normal life. My brain is forever changed by grief. A new map has been drawn in the nether regions of my mind and I don't, can't, think like I used to. That's also part of the new normal. It is real. It is sometimes inconvenient. But it is not \"bad\". It's just different and different takes some getting used to.
\n\n\nThis phase doesn't have to be scary. It can be exciting to reinvent yourself. You get a do over. You get to make choices about what you want to do. You can learn new skills. You can (and most likely WILL) make new friends. You get to decide if you want a new relationship or stay on your own. You may find yourself feeling disloyal to your loved one when you are working towards change. I loved Mr. Virgo with the white-hot heat of the sun, but my next relationship will be with someone who is active and wants to share in these new activities I'm embracing. No eating in front of the TV. We will have separate interests as well as shared. These things are important to me so I've taken the time to think about what I want and I'm taking steps to attain them.
\n\n\nFocus on the past and you'll likely get stuck in the quagmire of depression. Embrace the future and you open your world to unlimited possibilities. It's just a matter of perspective.
\n\n\n❤
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2015-07-23T01:30:41-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/07/23/perspective.html", "tags": ["Grief","Growth","Choices"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/07/16/the-front-row.html", "title": "The Front Row", "content_html": "\n\"But do not forget this one thing, dear friends: With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day.\"
\n2 Peter 3:8\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/2f286405ae.jpg\")
Gone are the days when I've relegated myself to the third row. I don't regret anything I've done in my life because every step I made turned me into who I am today. But I do have some wishes. I wish I would have taken more chances, made more mud pies, rode more roller coasters. I wish I would have listened to that doctor and gone to medical school. I wish I wouldn't have tried so hard to fit square pegs into round holes. I wish I wouldn't have been so afraid.
\n\n\nI told Mr. Virgo once that I wish I would have met him in my 30's. He said, \"No, you don't. You wouldn't have liked who I was then.\" And, he's probably right because I don't think he would have liked the 30-year-old version of me, either. There's a reason we met when we did…it was the right time.
\n\n\nI had dinner last night with one of his cousins and her husband. We had never met in person. I'm not even sure we have ever spoken on the phone, but we have been Facebook friends since Mr. Virgo died. They were traveling through Denver and asked me to dinner. As I sat in the car waiting to go in, I found myself getting a bit emotional. I didn't know many members of Mr. Virgo's family and this was a blood relative so it seemed special…this physical connection. We laughed and told stories and I learned more about people he had spoken of. I had a great time and I'm really glad I went.
\n\n\nYes, gone are the days of third row seating. You'll find me up front from now on.
\n\n\n❤
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2015-07-16T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/07/16/the-front-row.html", "tags": ["Family","Grief","Growth","Wisdom","Aging","Change","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/07/11/storms.html", "title": "Storms", "content_html": "\n\"Then Laban said to him, “You are my own flesh and blood.”…
\nGenesis 29:14\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/64af4809da.jpg\")
There are a lot of storms in life. You would be hard pressed to find anyone who could honestly say they had been untouched by calamity. Some people suffer storm after storm and never seem to catch a break. Others are ducks bobbing in a pond and nothing seems to touch them. But you simply cannot weather the storm of grief without coming out the other side a changed person (not that there IS an \"other side\"…it's more a case of the clouds parting…for longer and longer intervals.)
\n\n\nJust as in nature, lightning flashes, thunder crashes, and grief rains all over you….soaking you to the skin. You get washed away in the rising flood with regularity until you learn to take your boots and your raincoat and your umbrella. And maybe a boat. It takes a long time for you to remember you even HAVE those things. In most cases, you have to find new ones because the old ones don't work anymore.
\n\n\nI was looking through my phone yesterday and came across my favorite picture of Mr. Virgo. There was a time when that would have started an uncontrollable storm the likes of which I was hard pressed to survive. But, little by little, I have gathered my rain gear about me and discovered I'm a pretty hardy sailor when put out to sea. Yesterday, I looked at that picture and smiled and thought to myself, \"He's forever 62!\" He'll never suffer the infirmities of age. He'll never have the humiliation of that colonoscopy he so dreaded. He'll never have a diagnosis of cancer or Alzheimer's. He'll never be maimed in an accident. He'll never be relegated to a wheelchair or a nursing home. No, Mr. Virgo went out at the top of his game. He was well loved, both personally and professionally. He accomplished so much in his life and had seen incredible places. He met amazing people. He parented two beautiful daughters and step-parented mine and those of his second wife. He was a Papa to my grandchildren. He had been married to two other strong, wonderful women. And he married me. He adored me. ME! Imagine that!
\n\n\nReally….what more could a person ask for in life? More time? Of course. But we made very good use of the time we were given. We certainly didn't waste one moment of it arguing…ever. And now…I can dance in the rain, splash in the puddles, and remember a beautiful love story.
\n\n\nAnd…I can smile.
\n\n\n❤
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2015-07-11T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/07/11/storms.html", "tags": ["Grief","Growth","Gratitude","Wisdom","Courage","Aging","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/07/07/do-something.html", "title": "Do Something!", "content_html": "\n\"God’s voice thunders in marvelous ways; he does great things beyond our understanding. He says to the snow, ‘Fall on the earth,’ and to the rain shower, ‘Be a mighty downpour.’ So that everyone he has made may know his work, he stops all people from their labor.\"
\nJob 37:5-7\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/0cb080b695.jpg\")
Ok, second spoiler alert…I'm going to talk about the movie \"I'll See You In My Dreams\" again. Sorry…last time, I promise. So, if you haven't seen it and want to, stop reading. I'll be back with something you can read tomorrow! ❤
\n\n\nYesterday was a totally unexpected, off-the-wall, down, blue funk day. Even though my entire post yesterday was written about the movie I watched the night before, and even though I expressed that I no longer live in fear of losing another love, that movie knocked my feet out from under me for just a little bit. It was so unexpected, that sad twist in the plot. It took me forever to fall asleep and then I honestly didn't want to do anything all day yesterday. So, you know what I did? Absolutely nothing…other than go to my favorite German bakery for a pastry and to a needlework shop I found. My day was not totally wasted. I did SOMEthing. But mostly, I did nothing. And that's perfectly ok. It's been a long, long time since I spent a whole day wanting to pull the covers over my head. Of course, it didn't help that it was a grey, cold, drizzly day…all day long. I'm not going to berate myself for the self-care laden, bed surfing day that I obviously needed. Grief sucks but…today's another day and the sun rose yet again.
\n\n\n❤
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2015-07-07T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/07/07/do-something.html", "tags": ["Grief","Wisdom","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/07/06/stepping-away-from-fear.html", "title": "Stepping Away From Fear", "content_html": "\n\"Blessed are those who have regard for the weak; the Lord delivers them in times of trouble. The Lord protects and preserves them— they are counted among the blessed in the land— he does not give them over to the desire of their foes. The Lord sustains them on their sickbed and restores them from their bed of illness.\"
\nPsalm 41:1-3\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/95340f3947.jpg\")
Spoiler alert: I'm going to talk about the movie \"I'll See You In My Dreams\" so if you haven't seen it and want to, stop reading now.
\n\n\nI assumed this movie was going to have a happy ending and I suppose, in a way, it did. Just not the one I was hoping for. Blythe Danner plays Carol…a widow of 20 years who has lived a comfortable, safe life since losing her husband in a terrible accident. She has girlfriends and a daughter but she doesn't step outside her comfort zone until a series of events shake her world. She loses her beloved dog, makes an unlikely friendship over karaoke with the pool cleaner, goes ape over a rat that plagues her house, and gets coerced into speed dating by one of her girlfriends. Then…in walks Bill, played by Sam Elliot. He's so handsome, and intriguing and shakes up her world. She begins to believe there may be another love in store for her when Bill unexpectedly dies very soon after they begin dating. Damn. This is NOT what I was expecting. I wanted them to fall in love and live happily ever after, but that's not how life works. Life is messy and seldom has fairy tale endings.
\n\n\nAfter losing Mr. Virgo, I swore I would never, EVER have another relationship because I wasn't at all sure I could survive another loss like that. But, being ever hopeful, I get out there, I live life, and I step out of my comfort zone on a regular basis. And as time has passed, that fear of losing another love has subsided. While it would be tragic, it would not kill me and that gives me hope. I don't know that I'll ever fall in love again, but I am no longer afraid of the possibility. And that is a huge change. It's another step. Life is too short to live it in fear.
\n\n\n❤
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2015-07-06T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/07/06/stepping-away-from-fear.html", "tags": ["Grief","Strong Women","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/07/01/north-clear-creek-falls.html", "title": "North Clear Creek Falls", "content_html": "\n\"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.\"
\nMatthew 6:34\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/d814df3b44.jpg\")
On the road between Creede and Lake City, CO is an innocuous little turnoff for Clear Creek Falls. As you turn into the parking lot, you can see a small creek meandering through the fields. But come closer and you see a great gash in the earth and this small stream goes crashing headlong over the cliff with a mighty roar.
\n\n\nI can see a metaphor here for the changes that come in life, specifically loss. Life meanders along, still and smooth, till the ground drops out from under you and you are thrust over a cliff, landing on the rocks below. Life roars all around you with dizzying speed making you frightened to step from the relative safety of the rocks into the rapids below. But you have two choices because you can't go back up. You can buy real estate and stay in the dizzying roar of the falls. Or you can take a leap of faith and jump into the current. Your old life is back at the top of the falls. Your current situation has you in an uncomfortable position on the rock amidst the roar of the rushing water. And as scary as it may be, your new life after loss is waiting for you downstream. But, have faith. God/Spirit/Universe will catch you! Once that cleansing water rushes over you, you can have a beautiful new life filled with happiness and hope.
\n\n\nHere…take my hand. Let's jump in together, shall we?
\n\n\n❤
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2015-07-01T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/07/01/north-clear-creek-falls.html", "tags": ["Grief","Growth","Fear","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/06/27/visiting-mr-virgos-turf.html", "title": "Visiting Mr. Virgo's Turf", "content_html": "\n\"Deep calls to deep in the roar of your waterfalls; all your waves and breakers have swept over me.\"
\nPsalm 42:7\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/f9ce109367.jpg\")
Mr. Virgo managed the restaurant at the Ritz Carlton in Aspen when he died. He was a beloved employee and when the ground thawed, they planted a Colorado Blue Spruce just off the restaurant patio in his memory. They had a barbecue for all the employees and had his favorite guitarist come and play \"Annie's Song\". People told stories. I got up to speak. There wasn't a dry eye in the place. As a matter of fact, when I visited today, one of Mr. Virgo's coworkers was there and she cried when we talked about him. It warms my heart to see how well thought of he was. I felt closer to him today as I walked the halls of his restaurant. What a beautiful day!
\n\n\n❤
\n\n", "date_published": "2015-06-27T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/06/27/visiting-mr-virgos-turf.html", "tags": ["Travel","Grief","Widow","Memories"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/06/23/hidden-gems.html", "title": "Hidden Gems", "content_html": "\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/4167473c9a.jpg\")
I went to my home church on Sunday when I was up in the mountains. I felt compelled to stay for both services even though I didn't know that many at the second service. When I feel compelled, I listen. Our bulletin had a few special prayer requests…one of which was for the family of a 59 year old man who died suddenly of a heart attack. His wife was at the second service. I made it a point to wait on the sidelines till she was finished greeting everyone. I walked up to her and introduced myself and told her about losing Mr. Virgo. God bless her sweet heart. She was really doing well. She has great faith and she seems quite strong. She has family and friends and the church for support. My heart aches for her as I remember the early weeks of my journey.
\n\n\nWhen I look back, even I can't believe some of the things I did…like buying my first camper just two weeks after he died. And traveling alone for three months…some of which was in the wilderness of Colorado. I'm so happy she has joined us here, no matter how far back she lurks in the background. Because I have to tell ya…this platform has helped me more than just about anything else since losing Mr. Virgo. Just being able to express my thoughts and feelings in a nonjudgmental forum has helped me heal and grow. And your responses have been an enormous sense of comfort to me.
\n\n\nSo, for the sake of the new widow whose loss is so fresh, what words of wisdom and comfort would you offer her? What do you wish you would have known those first few weeks that no one told you? Let's welcome those who have just joined us and give them a group hug.
\n\n\n❤
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2015-06-23T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/06/23/hidden-gems.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Growth","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/06/13/boom-there-it-is.html", "title": "Boom! There it is!!!", "content_html": "\n\"Like one who takes away a garment on a cold day, or like vinegar poured on a wound, is one who sings songs to a heavy heart.\"
\nProverbs 25:20\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/3f38d9fd83.jpg\")
The sun! It came back…outside AND inside! Just as I predicted, I was perfectly fine when I woke up yesterday even though it was still raining and grey out. But by 3:00, the sun broke through and the world was fresh and green…swept clean by the downpours of the past week.
\n\n\nThere's always going to be a stumbling block on this path. I've spent the last eight months in West Virginia…a place Mr. Virgo visited once for a week. I've been back in Colorado a week and he's around every corner. I didn't realize how much impact that would have until I lived it. I need to change my reaction. Instead of feeling grieved when I \"see\" him in familiar places, I need to feel the joy in the memories. Find the happy. The rest will take care of itself.
\n\n\nAnd…today is my birthday. I refuse to let it be \"just another day\". I think the weather will hold out and be nice. I'll either take a bike ride or kayak on the reservoir…maybe both! I'll spend time with family. There's a movie I'd like to see. I'll talk with friends. And I'll celebrate another trip around the sun. Because, without the dark moments, how could I possibly appreciate the sun?
\n\n\n❤
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2015-06-13T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/06/13/boom-there-it-is.html", "tags": ["Family","Grief","Growth","Gratitude","Courage","Choices","Be Joyful!","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/06/12/going-inside.html", "title": "Going Inside", "content_html": "\n\"“Show me, Lord, my life’s end and the number of my days; let me know how fleeting my life is. You have made my days a mere handbreadth; the span of my years is as nothing before you. Everyone is but a breath, even those who seem secure.\"
\nPsalm 39:4-5\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/8119cf76df.jpg\")
The weather has been pretty dreary in Colorado. It has been grey and stormy just about every day since I left Missouri last week. It has left me in a dark mood that matches the skies above me. And when I go to that room inside, my thoughts follow and pretty soon there's a conference going on that I have no business attending. My sparkle dims and I hate that. I know, intellectually, that there was absolutely nothing different when I wrote this. Every circumstance was exactly as it was a few hours before. The only thing different was my thoughts.
\n\n\nI was thinking about Mr. Virgo. I don't usually let myself go there. It doesn't serve much of a purpose other than to upset me. It's not that he doesn't enter my mind…he does. Several times a day. But I can usually let it go and get on with the matter at hand. It isn't that easy when my heart is the color of the rain clouds…bruised and blue, heavy with rain in the form of tears. I think it's because of my birthday coming up. Mr. Virgo always made my birthday a huge deal. And it's just not the same without him.
\n\n\nThe waves of grief still come when I least expect them. I just lean in and let them go past. It will be better soon.
\n\n\n❤
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2015-06-12T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/06/12/going-inside.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Widow","Memories"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/04/18/to-date-or-not-to.html", "title": "To Date or Not to Date?", "content_html": "\n\"Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.\"
\nRomans 12:2\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/7efc71c81e.jpg\")
Who can possibly fill these shoes? This is a topic I've tap danced around some. I've dallied a little in the dating department. I've met a couple of wonderful men…men that I love dearly and consider to be close friends. I can call them day or night for company or conversation. So why don't I find myself feeling the kind of love for someone that would sustain a long term, exclusive, \"can't live without you\" relationship? I felt that love in the instant Mr. Virgo and I made eye contact. My old instincts would ask \"What's wrong with you? These are perfectly good men, kind hearted, gentle, loving, fun, funny. What are you waiting for?\" Well, it's interesting. It's like going out to photograph wildlife with poor vision. You can see the animal in your view finder, you can tell it's an animal and quite possibly that rare breed you're looking for, so you creep in closer. You step gently, stealing in quietly for a closer look. Hmmm…looks familiar, sounds familiar, acts a little like the one you're looking for. But then you get close enough to see and it's not the right one at all. The call is totally different. The coat similar but just not the same. Where did your animal go? Will you ever find another one or should you just be happy you saw one once and got a great picture of it?
\n\n\nThis is what dating has been like. Sort of like an interview for a job I'm not at all sure I really want. And at the same time I yearn for companionship. I miss hugs and holding hands and all that comes with having a significant other. I'm in Neverland. Never so sad as I was when I first lost him…never so happy as I was when I had him.
\n\n\nI'm finding an entirely different set of circumstances to consider this go 'round. I've already had three marriages and a couple of significant relationships in my life. Do I really want another one? Finances are a huge consideration now. Much bigger than when I was in my twenties. There are no guarantees in marriage. If I were to marry, I'd lose my ability to collect widow's benefits. One must be married for ten years to collect from your spouse's Social Security. If the marriage falls apart before that, and you were a stay-at-home mom who didn't contribute a lot to your SS account like I was, you're screwed, to put it bluntly. It's a dilemma many of us Boomer widows are facing. It leaves you with choices many would find unconscionable…like cohabitation. Or resignation to being alone for the rest of your life. Right now, I see merits in both scenarios. I have friends who have been widowed much longer than me and they tell me they went through the same thing but they got over it and can't imagine being in a significant relationship again.
\n\n\nI don't know. Maybe I'm just an incurable romantic. I love falling in love. I love a man's company…the security of his love and affection. Maybe there's a part of me that still feels I \"need\" a man in my life to be happy. Maybe I'm a little lonely. Maybe I'm a bit bored. Maybe I'm a tad frightened. Maybe it's only been two years since I lost Mr. Virgo and I just miss him. I'll always miss him. But I'm a pragmatist. He's not coming back. And even though those men out there don't look exactly like him when I get up close, they are worthy in their own right. I'm not ready to give up on love and companionship entirely. I just want it on my terms. So, I'll keep my options open, and keep my camera handy. You never know when the right specimen may show up in your sights. I just won't base my happiness on it. <3
\n\n\n\"In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, Lord, make me dwell in safety.\" Psalm 4:8
\n\n", "date_published": "2015-04-18T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/04/18/to-date-or-not-to.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Love","Fear","Courage","Aging","Choices","Widow","Memories","Marriage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/03/31/the-last-echo.html", "title": "The Last Echo", "content_html": "\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/1beb9360b5.jpg\")
He called me \"baby doll\". I know he did. I remember it. So why can't I hear his voice saying it? The inflection. The tone. I can't hear his voice in my head anymore. Not clearly. It's way off in the distance. Like the last echo. I hear it said over and over…that most common of pleas…\"If I could just talk to him one last time, I'd be ok with this.\" That's a lie we tell ourselves.
\n\n\nI have our old answering machine with the last four or five messages from him. Unfortunately, he only left messages on the house phone when he couldn't reach me on my cell, which perturbed him. I can hear it in his voice in the recordings. Unlike the voicemails on my cell phone. Those were loving, happy, upbeat, flirty…wonderful. I cleared out the voicemail on my cell phone two days before he died. Now those love notes are gone.
\n\n\nI said I turned the page. I didn't say I wouldn't re-read a paragraph or two now and then.
\n\n\nThe fact that I can't hear his voice doesn't instill panic like I was afraid it would. It doesn't make me any more sad than say, coming across a note he wrote. It's just a part of it all. The new normal. The sudden realization every once in awhile that says, \"Oh, right…he's really gone.\" That thought still sneaks up and surprises me on occasion.
\n\n\nI've never been a good sleeper. Mr. Virgo said that was because I repeatedly said \"I've never been a good sleeper.\" He said I had convinced myself it was true. I said I came up with the conclusion after laying awake countless nights. Sleep has largely eluded me since he died. Sunday night I slept nearly eight hours. I woke up and wasn't at all sure what planet I was on. It was lovely, but highly disorienting. One of my friends has been widowed ten years. She remembers the sleepless years. She taught herself how to play poker and would play online till the wee hours. I write these posts, and read responses and surf the net and play solitaire and chat online with friends in California. But maybe I'm turning another corner. Eight hours of sleep is pretty cool. Maybe I'll sleep and his voice will come to me in a dream. That would be nice.
\n\n\n❤
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2015-03-31T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/03/31/the-last-echo.html", "tags": ["Grief","Growth","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/03/25/it-never-ends.html", "title": "It Never Ends", "content_html": "\n\"So I will always remind you of these things, even though you know them and are firmly established in the truth you now have. I think it is right to refresh your memory as long as I live in the tent of this body…\"
\n2 Peter 1:12-13\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/9887a06e15.jpg\")
Grief waxes and wanes. You can put it in your pocket for a while but eventually you stick your hand in and it bites you. Not hard this time…just a nip around the edges. I had lunch with a friend yesterday and we had a long heart to heart about things I'd never told her. It stirred up a lot of emotions. Then one thing and another pulled at my heartstrings all day. I finally sat down last evening and saw that my grandchildren were doing a fundraiser for the American Heart Association. I went online to donate and my son-in-law's mother had donated in memory of Mr. Virgo. I love her. That was the tipping point. It's ok. I'm good. I turned it around quickly by remembering the fun times we had together. I think this started with my trip to the Social Security office on Monday. This retirement thing was supposed to be a joint effort. sigh I guess I'll just have to play twice as hard to make up for his half of the story that wasn't finished.
\n\n\n❤
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2015-03-25T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/03/25/it-never-ends.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/03/20/out-of-the-stillness.html", "title": "Out of the Stillness", "content_html": "\n\"You will surely forget your trouble, recalling it only as waters gone by. Life will be brighter than noonday, and darkness will become like morning.\"
\nJob 11:16-17\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/60699e9935.jpg\")
Grief shuts you down. After Mr. Virgo died, my world went silent. No TV. No Music. Even the sounds of a loving, boisterous family set my teeth on edge. I retreated within myself. Not necessarily in a depression like I have felt in the past. It was more like grief sucking the life out of me and placing me in a vacuum. A place I needed to go to heal…but not to set up camp forever.
\n\n\nI have mentioned in several posts that life on the river has been a soothing, healing, spiritual experience for me. I can't put my finger on the exact moment but sometime in the last several weeks I started to wake up. I met a circle of friends that enjoy live music and I started going to every venue I could and listened to every note. It was therapeutic. I began to connect to the rhythms…the beat of the music, the beat of my heart.
\n\n\nI have a friend I can talk music with. He's one of those individuals who knows the names of groups and what albums they put out and when. He can quote lyrics of obscure recordings. I wish my brain worked like that. He loans me CD's to listen to. This means I have to bring music into my personal space…my car, my house. And something remarkable has happened. My heart is so wide open and fresh that when I lay music across it, I feel it to my bones. It's almost as though I can hear colors in the notes. I sit in the dark in my camper…listening to Lyle Lovett and Paul Thorn. Neil Young and The Allman Brothers. Leon Russell and Emerson, Lake & Palmer. Life pours in with every song.
\n\n\nWhen you have lived in the desert for so long, the gentle rains of spring coax you out of the ground. And with great hope, and strength, and courage…you turn to face the sun and bask in her warmth.
\n\n\n❤
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2015-03-20T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/03/20/out-of-the-stillness.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Positive Energy","Growth"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/03/12/choices.html", "title": "Choices", "content_html": "\n\"We also have the prophetic message as something completely reliable, and you will do well to pay attention to it, as to a light shining in a dark place, until the day dawns and the morning star rises in your hearts.\"
\n2 Peter 1:19\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/b707266a72.jpg\")
Today could be a terrible day but I choose for it not to be. A couple of weeks ago I was anticipating that it would be, and asked you to bear with me. And, true to form, you stood behind me, held me up in prayer, and offered words of encouragement. I have had lots of time to muddle through my feelings and have made many choices. The very nature of grief says this isn't over…never will be. But I've made a choice to turn the page today. I have graduated from \"Grief 2.0\". Today I choose to remember the funny things…the great stories…the laugh fests…the handsome face…the piercing blue eyes…the fierce devotion…the gentle love. Today I will remember my man.
\n\n\n❤
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2015-03-12T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/03/12/choices.html", "tags": ["Grief","Growth","Choices","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/03/11/walking-through-fire.html", "title": "Walking Through Fire", "content_html": "\n\"But Ruth replied, “Don’t urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God. Where you die I will die, and there I will be buried. May the Lord deal with me, be it ever so severely, if even death separates you and me.”
\nRuth 1:16-17\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/241115d1c0.jpg\")
It is not possible to walk through fire, innocent and exposed, without coming away burned. Life burns us. Yet life blesses us with the flames. I was burned with the loss of Mr. Virgo. I was blessed that it happened in the spring so that each year when his Angelversary comes around, the earth is being reborn and I am given hope. I was burned…as so many of us are. Our hearts ripped from our chests and the only way to breathe was through the gauzy fog of grief. I am blessed that the woman inside me…the one I thought was gone forever…has started peeking her head out and I'm delighted to see her. I missed her terribly! She's the fun part of me. The playful one. The free one. The earth mother. The sexy, juicy goddess of joy. I've missed her and longed for her return. I tried a couple times to hasten her arrival only to be spanked on the hand and told to wait. Wait. Wait. She knew best. She knew she had to stay away till the burns healed into scars. I am changed. I have been transformed. Peeling the layers away with the debridement of my soul has brought me as near to my center as I have ever been. I liken it to having new eyes. This new light is a bit shocking after having spent the last two years in suspended animation.
\n\n\nMy memories are being stored in the Cloud. I had pictures on my phone of Mr. Virgo in his casket. I stayed inside myself, gripping the phone in desperation, wanting one last connection with the man who had carried my heart on a velvet pillow. Looking at that picture of him, lying so still in his best ivory sweater, his stunning silver hair resting on white satin, was the only thing I could do to cry. I had to open my own chest and debride my heart. I knew instinctively it was the only path to healing. As time went on, I didn't need to see the picture so much. Interestingly, just in the last couple of weeks, I went back in the archives of my phone to look for it and…it's gone. It has gone to the Cloud and I can't get it back. And you know what? That's ok. I don't need to visit that anymore. I am rising from the ashes. I will face tomorrow as I have everyday the last year…with strength, courage, hope, and grace. And I will celebrate a wonderful man who I was so fortunate to call my own.
\n\n\n❤
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2015-03-11T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/03/11/walking-through-fire.html", "tags": ["Grief","Choices","Change","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/03/02/antidepressants.html", "title": "Antidepressants", "content_html": "\n\"In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.\"
\n1 Peter 1:6-7\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/84f11e6db0.jpg\")
There was a time when I was clinically depressed and I took antidepressants for about ten years which was the last half of a twenty year marriage. I wish I could say it was ALL my ex's fault but we both know that's rarely the case. That being said, once I got over the initial pain of the divorce, I didn't need antidepressants anymore so that speaks volumes about the marriage itself. Given that history, if there was ever going to be a time that I needed drugs to help me cope, it would have been since losing Mr. Virgo. But I haven't. Because I had a history of depression and had gained coping skills through therapy, I have not needed antidepressants during my grief, which has actually kind of surprised me.
\n\n\nAs you could probably tell, I woke up low yesterday and I so appreciate your love and support. I read your posts and chatted with a friend of mine who is a ten year widow. Another friend sent me a funny video that was a parody of a \"Tiny Home\" that sent me into fits of laughter and I instantly felt better. I talked to a friend that always makes me laugh. I took a nap while the rain was falling on the roof of my camper. I went out to dinner and ate crab legs till I was stuffed. I got to talk to all my girls. I talked to more friends who made me laugh. And, I found a place to dump my trash!
\n\n\nSometimes the wide swings between misery and relief are alarming. It is the nature of grief and as long as the general trend has you moving forward and your good days start to outweigh the bad, then you're heading in the right direction. All in all…it turned out to be a really beautiful day. The key theme was laughter…and these really cool red and yellow boots. It's all about the boots!
\n\n\n❤
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2015-03-02T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/03/02/antidepressants.html", "tags": ["Health","Grief","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/03/01/and-the-grief-goes-on.html", "title": "And the Grief Goes On", "content_html": "\n\"Even in laughter the heart may ache, and rejoicing may end in grief.\"
\nProverbs 14:13\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/93fdf03433.jpg\")
I went out with friends last night for dinner and live music. My life is so totally different now than it was when Mr. Virgo was alive. We didn't go out much. We didn't socialize. We stuck together like glue, I think because I knew instinctively that I wouldn't have him forever. A friend of mine is a widow and she said she and her husband were the same way. She had to find a whole set of friends for support. Coming here was good for me because I had an instant set of friends from high school and I've met some really great people. I am blessed with wonderful friends.
\n\n\nI am much more comfortable being myself without concern what others might think anymore. I laugh louder. I dance with wild abandon. Part is age, part is the freedom to do so.
\n\n\nI love my late husband with all my heart. I miss him with the white heat of the sun. The 12th is coming. The two year Angelversary. It's not going to be an easy couple of weeks Please bear with me.
\n\n\n❤
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2015-03-01T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/03/01/and-the-grief-goes-on.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Grace"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/02/22/sweet-memories.html", "title": "Sweet Memories", "content_html": "\n\"You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, that my heart may sing your praises and not be silent. Lord my God, I will praise you forever.\"
\nPsalm 30:11-12\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/07c6c732b1.jpg\")
Mr. Virgo was born and raised in Philadelphia and spent a large portion of his life in Florida. However, the home of his heart was Colorado. He knew I wanted to come back to West Virginia and he would have done anything for me. So, a few years ago, he came here to this very hotel I'm staying in and interviewed for the Food and Beverage Director position. That's one of the reasons I chose this place to stay for my brief respite from the cold and snow. He had been here. So, a part of his energy remains and I wanted to find it.
\n\n\nI went down for breakfast and my beloved Starbucks latte. I sat in the big comfy leather chair and visually set a place for Mr. Virgo at the table beside me. I often do that when I'm going out to eat. He \"makes\" me look around and take notice of the restaurant as he used to do. Cleanliness, service, decor, food…all things he taught me about the restaurant business. All things I want to smack him for because it has forever tainted my experience of dining out. :-)
\n\n\nI sat back and enjoyed my new copy of Home magazine, pausing on occasion to look out at the snow piling up outside. There was soft jazzy \"elevator\" music in the background. Then I felt him. It happens sometimes. I knew he had come in and sat in the chair I had set for him. I smiled knowingly and sent him a mental hello. I knew he was about to send me a message, and I instinctively knew it was going to be through the music playing overhead. He has done that many times. Sure enough, the music switched from canned Muzak to Christina Perri singing \"A Thousand Years\". My heightened awareness led me to listen to every word and hear them as I hadn't before…as a message from a very special man.
\n\n\n\"Heart beats fast\nColors and promises\nHow to be brave?\nHow can I love when I'm afraid to fall?\nBut watching you stand alone,\nAll of my doubt suddenly goes away somehow.\nOne step closer\n\n[Chorus:]\nI have died every day waiting for you\nDarling, don't be afraid I have loved you\nFor a thousand years\nI'll love you for a thousand more\n\nTime stands still\nBeauty in all she is\nI will be brave\nI will not let anything take away\nWhat's standing in front of me\nEvery breath\nEvery hour has come to this\nOne step closer\n\n[Chorus:]\nI have died every day waiting for you\nDarling, don't be afraid I have loved you\nFor a thousand years\nI'll love you for a thousand more\n\nAnd all along I believed I would find you\nTime has brought your heart to me\nI have loved you for a thousand years\nI'll love you for a thousand more\nOne step closer\nOne step closer\n\n[Chorus:]\nI have died every day waiting for you\nDarling don't be afraid I have loved you\nFor a thousand years\nI'll love you for a thousand more\nAnd all along I believed I would find you\nTime has brought your heart to me\nI have loved you for a thousand years\nI'll love you for a thousand more\"\n\n\n
My heart warmed, I smiled, and…of course…I got a little lump in my throat as I enjoyed our moment together because I knew it wouldn't last long enough. It never does. The song ended, and just like that, the moment was gone. The music switched back to jazzy Muzak and Mr. Virgo slipped off into the nether regions of the hotel, certainly to follow some unsuspecting server around to make sure she's doing things right.
\n\n\n❤
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2015-02-22T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/02/22/sweet-memories.html", "tags": ["Uplifting Stories","Grief","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Courage","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/02/14/happy-valentines-day.html", "title": "Happy Valentine's Day!", "content_html": "\n\"No widow may be put on the list of widows unless she is over sixty, has been faithful to her husband, and is well known for her good deeds, such as bringing up children, showing hospitality, washing the feet of the Lord’s people, helping those in trouble and devoting herself to all kinds of good deeds.\"
\n1 Timothy 5:9-10 NIV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/2dcb1be705.jpg\")
My great grandfather used to say, \"It'll stop hurting when the pain goes away.\" I never quite got the deeper meaning of those words till yesterday. I woke up feeling more peaceful than I have since Mr. Virgo died. It was remarkable. I couldn't put my finger on anything specific…I just felt lighthearted, like I could take on the world. The sun broke the horizon and made the frost on the windows glow a lovely golden yellow. It was 4 degrees outside but inside, my world was warm and beautiful and calm. I just laid there and enjoyed that feeling and was ever so grateful.
\n\n\nI'm heading for the two year mark now. Some of you have been following along from the beginning. If you are new, I lost my beloved Mr. Virgo in March 2013. We were buying a camper and he had a heart attack and died. I went ahead and bought one and started this journey. We've had lots of ups and downs, you and me. We'll have more. But today is a day to share the love and tell those who are important to you that you care.
\n\n\nYou all have been important to me…and, I care about you. I've gotten to know some of you personally. I recognize your names and look forward to hearing from you. We offer support and prayers for each other when they're needed. We encourage each other when the going gets tough and we applaud each other when we accomplish our goals. I am so proud of this page and of all you brave souls. I love y'all…more than biscuits and gravy! I hope you have a good day.
\n\n\n❤
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2015-02-14T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/02/14/happy-valentines-day.html", "tags": ["Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Growth","Gratitude","Holiday","Wisdom","Courage","Change","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/02/12/rosemary-chicken.html", "title": "Rosemary Chicken", "content_html": "\n\"And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.\"
\nColossians 3:14 NIV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/1e12e0c115.jpg\")
I got a text last night from Daughter #2 asking for Mr. Virgo's famous Rosemary Chicken recipe. She is feeling nostalgic for those cold winter nights sitting around the table dining together…the wonderful aromas of rosemary and garlic…the warmth of family love. Mr. Virgo was a stickler about eating together. And he made a killer Rosemary Chicken. When it was for a special occasion, he used a fat roasting hen. But for a quick evening meal, he used chicken thighs. He always wanted bone-in and skin on for the flavor. Preheat an oven to 350. Wash and pat dry your chicken thighs. Sprinkle with garlic salt, fresh ground pepper, and crushed rosemary. Bake at 350 for about 45 minutes more or less. You want the skins crispy and no pink juices when you stick them with a fork. Yummmm…now she has ME craving some!
\n\n\nHanging on and letting go. It's a delicate balance. Some days it's more one than the other. I've had a catch in my chest for a week with the approach of Valentine's Day. I read an article the other day that next to the Angelversary, Valentine's Day is likely the most difficult for a widow. My friend Ginny calls it \"Singleness Awareness Day\". She isn't wrong. It's not made for us. There isn't a Hallmark card sad enough for a lonely widow on Valentine's Day. Isn't that pitiful? So, we hide in waiting and buy chocolate at 75% off on the 15th Ha! Take that!!!
\n\n\n❤
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2015-02-12T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/02/12/rosemary-chicken.html", "tags": ["Family","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/02/04/regret.html", "title": "Regret", "content_html": "\n\"I hope to see you soon, and we will talk face to face….
\n3 John 1:14 NIV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/cb71b25f07.jpg\")
Regret should be one of the deadly sins. Not because it keeps you from God, but because it keeps you from peace. Regret is a pocket full of stones…the more you collect, the harder it is to swim. Yet, it's so easy to feel regret, isn't it? We do things that we wish we hadn't. We hurt others. We make poor choices. Remorse comes after we've done something wrong. We avoid taking chances. Regret comes from NOT doing something we wish we would have. It's easy to get mired down wishing things would have happened differently. As my grandma used to say, wish in one hand and spit in the other. See which one fills up first. In other words…it's useless to fill our hearts and minds with regret.
\n\n\nWe waste so much emotional energy on things that we simply cannot change. If I have made a mess of things, and there is some way to make restitution, then that's what I must do. After that, it becomes an experience and…hopefully…a lesson learned. The older I get, the easier it has become to let go of regrets. That doesn't meant I have let go of every single one. There are two things that I regret. One is that I didn't demonstrate faith to my children because I was fearful of it at the time. The second is that I did not insist Mr. Virgo have the tests done that his doctor wanted him to do. There are no do-overs in either department. The only thing I can do is live my best life, teaching by example. And feel the loss of my loved one knowing he was a stubborn man and I could not make him do anything. He was going to live his life on his terms, no matter what anyone else might say.
\n\n\nIt does not pay to chase the winds of folly. We must apply ourselves to the understanding of wisdom and absorb the lessons learned. We are human. We are fallible. We do what we know. And when we know better, we do better.
\n\n\n❤
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2015-02-04T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/02/04/regret.html", "tags": ["Grief","Comfort","Courage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/01/31/drifting-along.html", "title": "Drifting Along", "content_html": "\n\"Then I applied myself to the understanding of wisdom, and also of madness and folly, but I learned that this, too, is a chasing after the wind.\"
\nEcclesiastes 1:17 NIV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/96788b33ef.jpg\")
January and February seem to last FOR-EV-ER. The rest of the year flies by, yet I swear January and February are three times longer than any of the other months. I need warmth. I need water. I need sun, sand, surf…something! Surely I was born for some reason other than to pay taxes, crawl through January and February and eventually die. The tedium of these days of thin light and a fat butt is about to drive me stir crazy. So, in my inimitably Pollyanna-esque fashion, I have to…yet again…redirect my focus from the small picture to the big, widescreen view of life.
\n\n\nThere is a reason I am alive today. Actually, there are a lot of reasons. So, let's just list some.
\n\n\nI have a job to do. I have a light within me that needs to be shared and until I have finished the job I've been given and I get called back home, I'm here…good, bad, or indifferent…so I might as well make the most of it. Wasting away the days I have been given is criminally negligent. There are so many, Mr. Virgo included, who weren't granted as much time. It may be the end of January. We may have more snow coming. But I can't let that lull me into complacency.
\n\n\nUp! Rise up and meet the day! There are adventures to be had and I don't want to miss a single one!
\n\n\n❤
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2015-01-31T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/01/31/drifting-along.html", "tags": ["Grief","Courage","Choices"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/01/28/the-healing-heart.html", "title": "The Healing Heart", "content_html": "\n“You will surely forget your trouble, recalling it only as waters gone by.”
\nJob 11:16\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/51488c5c7d.jpg\")
How many times can the heart be broken? Countless, countless times. How many times can it be healed? Well, if my record is any proof, I'd say every time. Some heartbreak takes longer to heal than others. Some leave everlasting scars. And always, heartbreak leaves change. Things are never the same as before that fateful event that broke you open.
\n\n\nLet me ask you this. If you take a beautiful plant and stick it in a dark room, all by itself, no light or food to nourish it…what will happen? That plant will wither and die. If you open the door the tiniest bit and give that plant the smallest amount of water, it's going to do everything it can to grow but it will be just a sliver of what it could be. But, if you break that door wide open and let the sun and rain pour down on that seed, it will burst forth and grow with great force. Our hearts are like that. They have to be broken wide open in order for our souls to grow.
\n\n\nSometimes during heartbreak, the pain is too much to bear and we try to stuff things in the cracks to keep our souls from pouring out on the floor. We eat, we shop, we drink and smoke, we jump into other relationships, we get angry and we harden the very thing that could set us free…our hearts. Forty-two years ago yesterday, a very nice couple tried to start a life together. They were happy and in love. They were young…so very young. They had a baby of their own. And hurts came, and the trials and tribulations of marriage were too much for them to bear, and they gave up. They were hurt and angry. They said things to each other designed to ensure the pain would stay alive forever. But, it's funny, really. They went on with their lives. They married others. They became civil. Then something miraculous happened. They grew up…and they forgave each other for being young and being human. And they loved each other as you love a family member. And yesterday, forty-two years after they tied their hearts together, his heart was fixed during surgery and it goes on to beat another day. And hers can rest easier with that knowledge. Because…he was her first love, and now he is her friend.
\n\n\n❤
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2015-01-28T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/01/28/the-healing-heart.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/01/27/memory-lane.html", "title": "Memory Lane", "content_html": "\n\"7 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 8 Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away.\"
\n1 Corinthians 13:7-8\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/a9974d10ae.jpg\")
As most of you know, I've been busy the last couple of weeks scanning old family photos, documents, and assorted ephemera onto an external hard drive. As I do this, I file each picture into a folder for the main subject…mostly by family. I started out with noble intentions…scanning each photo individually and labeling it with the names of the subjects. Then it got filed in the appropriate folder. I have three big plastic tubs of pictures. I quickly realized I'll still be sitting here in 2016 if I kept things going at that rate. So I started grouping 3, 6, 9 or more photos with the same people on one scanned document. I am saving them to the appropriate folder and I can go back at my leisure to label them. The originals are being divided in piles and will be sent to the people in the pictures. I am on my last box. This is a project that has been hanging over my head for at least the eleven years since my mom died. I'll be happy to have it done and behind me, but slogging through it isn't easy. You see, as it turns out, Memory Lane has a lot of potholes.
\n\n\nThe majority of photos I scanned on Mom's Angelversary were of her…in her prime. A young mother. The young me grasping her hand, hanging onto her leg. It tugged at my heart. The next day I went through much of my older daughter's childhood. Sweet baby pictures of her in my arms, this now 40 year old…sucking on a bottle, peeking from under her blanket as she woke from a nap, hiding behind her little hands when she became camera shy at two. It tugged at my heart. Yesterday, I lifted some papers and a small enclosure card fluttered to the floor. \"Happy Valentine's Day, my love!\" Then came a birthday card. \"I adore you!\" I don't know that I was ready for this. Then again…I don't know that I ever WILL be ready for this. I probably would not be doing it now if my hand weren't being forced. I must get this done now. I really cannot cart this stuff with me, I cannot throw it away, and once the photos are disbursed, that's it. This is my only chance to do this job. And it is not easy. I have to pace myself. I have to withdraw a little from people so I can work through another layer of grief. I have to ask God to hold my hand…a LOT!
\n\n\nI recognize how blessed I am. My marriage will always be perfect. There will never be fights, hurt feelings, divorce. My memories of my marriage will forever be sweet, happy, full of love and light. That is such a gift.
\n\n\nThis sadness shall pass. This layer will be ripped open, cleaned out, and repaired. Just as all potholes are. And someday, I can drive down this road without falling in.
\n\n\n❤
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2015-01-27T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/01/27/memory-lane.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Courage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/01/25/the-hearts-desire.html", "title": "The Heart's Desire", "content_html": "\n“The widow who is really in need and left all alone puts her hope in God and continues night and day to pray and to ask God for help.”
\n1 Timothy 5:5\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/94f2cd79d5.jpg\")
I met a friend for brunch yesterday, which was delightful. We laughed and poked fun at ourselves and each other. We are both too easily sucked into the vortex of winter's gloom so we goaded each other out into a cold snowy Saturday morning for the only thing bound to get our butts off the couch….WAFFLES! Yes, those crunchy, sweet, golden delectable planks of goodness with deep wells full of butter and syrup…..ahhhhhh! Life is better with waffles…and coffee…and lots of laughter. And once our tummies were full, we could each go out into the world and get done what needed doing.
\n\n\nI headed back to the apartment to scan some more photos onto my external hard drive. I finished the second of three boxes of pictures, documents, cards, and other assorted flotsam and jetsam. Many of yesterday's pics were of my mom, my brother, and me when we were little. With it being her Angelversary, my heart was pretty tender and I probably missed her more yesterday than I have any other year. I called my brother and he was doing well and didn't seem to remember the significance of the day so I didn't bring it up. It was just nice to hear his voice and catch up with what's new in his life. He and his roommate just moved to a ground level apartment this week so now he doesn't have to carry his laundry up and down three flights of outside stairs that sometimes get icy. One less thing to worry about.
\n\n\nAt this time of year, when things are dark and gray, cold and dismal…it's sometimes difficult to find the motivation to get up and go to do the mundane, every day things. Thinking of our heart's desire seems so far fetched and beyond our capabilities in the prison of January. So this is the time when we work the hardest to see through the fog of winter to the promise of Spring. My joyful anticipation is found in a road atlas. Circling places I want to see, contemplating routes to get there, and anticipating locations where a speaking engagement might be well received is a not-so-idle pastime for me in the winter months. I keep a \"Bucket List\". It's a mighty big bucket! As I scan the photos, my mind wanders to the open road and it makes the time go faster. Well…that, and the complete set of West Wing DVD's. Those help, too.
\n\n\n❤
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2015-01-25T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/01/25/the-hearts-desire.html", "tags": ["Family","Grief","Hope"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/01/24/in-memory-of-mom.html", "title": "In Memory of Mom", "content_html": "\n“May he give you the desire of your heart and make all your plans succeed.”
\nPsalm 20:4\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/cb79c3a524.jpg\")
She was \"Mom\" to all my friends. She was \"Mama\" to me. She was my friend, my confidant, my cheerleader…and occasionally my adversary. She was generous to a fault. She was stubborn, funny, and terribly naïve to the ways of the world. She was unassuming. I loved that I could make her laugh…no matter what.
\n\n\nI've been going through the family archives and scanning them into my computer. I came across something she had written in her beautiful Spencerian script. I thought I would share it with you here. A little different than the original poem by Saxon White Kessinger but the same great message. (Thanks for the reference, Sharon!)
\n\n\nSome day when you're feeling important,\nSome day when your ego's in bloom,\nSome day when you're feeling you're the\nMost important man in the room.\n\nTake a bucket & fill it with water.\nStick your hand in up to the wrist.\nPull it out & the hole that remains\nIs a measure of how much you'll be missed.\n\nYou may splash all you wish when you enter.\nStir the water around galore.\nBut you find when you finally leave it\nIt's exactly the same as before.\n\nSo as you follow your daily agenda\nAlways do the best that you can.\nBe proud of yourself, but remember…\nThere is no indispensable man.\n\n\n
This was Mama's creed…unassuming, humble, modest, kind, gentle, loving, generous, and sweet. She left us 11 years ago today and I still want to pick up the phone and tell her something I heard or to make her laugh. I miss her tremendously. RIP, Wanda Belle….I love you.
\n\n\n❤
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2015-01-24T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/01/24/in-memory-of-mom.html", "tags": ["Family","Grief","Love"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/01/11/writing.html", "title": "Writing", "content_html": "\nHer children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her:
\nProverbs 31:28\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/f641e5454c.jpg\")
I don't know the exact date, but I began this page in January 2013. I've written very nearly every single day for two years now, minus a short stretch immediately following Mr. Virgo's death. Writing has become as second nature to me as dressing and brushing my teeth. If for some reason I cannot write a post, I feel so off-kilter I can hardly stand it. And, as much as I love to talk, every so often I get a little \"writer's block\" and I panic. What if I've finally run out of things to say? What if I've told every story I have? What if this is all there is….days and weeks and months of death and dying and grief only to be faced with a little sunshine and a lot of \"What now?\"
\n\n\nWhile my intent with this page has always been to help others who are walking a path of grief, it hasn't been all about giving. I've done a lot of receiving in the process. And I have done a tremendous amount of healing. While you're never \"over\" grief…you do get past the worst of it and life starts to be good again. There comes a time when you want to change your focus. You don't want to sit with it in your lap all the time. We are all on different points of the spectrum. Some of you have recent losses….for some it has been years. Some have never had to face widowhood, but gain insight and hope here for survival should that change. We are all going to face loss in one form or another. Having a place to go to share our experiences and to learn and talk about our hopes and fears has been a lifeline for many, including me. I don't want that to change. I don't know if it's where I am on the journey, or if it's a reflection of all the changes I've been going through lately, but I'm finding myself in the awkward position of writing a grief blog and not wanting to talk about grief. At least not all the time, every day, day after day. It's feeling a bit like wearing a sweater that got shrunk a little in the wash. I'm having to tug it here and there to make it fit.
\n\n\nI don't want to quit writing. I also don't want to let anyone down who looks forward to my musings to gain insight into the mass confusion of grief. There is quite a volume of material on this page and even I scroll back from time to time and read posts from early on as a reminder. I hope you will continue to indulge me as I stretch and write about other things besides grief. I'm sure the subject will be revisited when the tide comes in.
\n\n\nI'm feeling the need to breathe the cold air of January deep within me and freshen my brain and my heart…to air out the rooms so long draped with the shrouds of despair. I want to work my body and my mind and feel alive. I want a fresh coat of white paint to reflect the light. This is another phase of the grief process….just without all the darkness involved. I've turned a corner.
\n\n\n❤
\n\n", "date_published": "2015-01-11T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/01/11/writing.html", "tags": ["Grief","Writing","Change","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/01/06/ashes-to-ashes.html", "title": "Ashes to Ashes", "content_html": "\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/dfce9fe814.jpg\")
Today is my \"Re-Birthday\". Today is the day I celebrate not dying. Fifteen years ago today, I was at the lowest point of my life. I was in a marriage that was crumbling at my feet, I was depressed and desperately unhappy. I had been on a medical treadmill for seven years taking ungodly amounts of prescription medications and was self-medicating with alcohol to dull the emotional torment. While not necessarily intentional, I overdosed on January 6, 2000 and could have very easily died. I climbed back up from the bottom of the barrel and rebuilt myself and my life. It was not easy, it was not pretty, but it was very real and absolutely necessary in order to survive and thrive. I am extremely grateful for every day I am given and thank God for the blessings He affords me daily.
\n\n\nI've been trying to decide how to commemorate the day and came up with a beautiful idea. I have a lock of Mr. Virgo's hair. I was out at the farm yesterday to pick up a couple of tubs of photos to scan and got my little red leather box from the locker in TOW-Wanda. I sat on the bed and slowly, carefully opened the blue velvet packet with that precious lock of spun silver that I used to run my fingers through. I've held the bag before, but only once have I touched it and that's when I left a bit in the wilderness of Colorado. I said a prayer and asked God to let me feel my love for a moment. I opened the bag and held that thick, coarse hair between my fingers and my heart leapt with joy. I closed my eyes and could feel my sweetheart with me and it made me smile. I sat that way for quite awhile then carefully tucked him back in the bag. I placed the blue velvet bag back in the red leather box and brought it with me. I had a plan.
\n\n\nOn my way to the greater metropolis of Harrisville (pop. 1802), I stopped at the family plot in the cemetery on the hill where I get my messages (cell service is tricky in the boonies!). There, I knelt down, dug a hole, and carefully placed a small portion of Mr. Virgo's silver hair…right between where my Uncle Bob is buried and the site where my brother will lay someday. I covered it up, said a prayer, and to mark the site, I placed a plastic fork. Being the consummate foodie, I know Mr. Virgo would love the reference. So now I have a place where I can visit him here in WV. It's more fitting than the farm as I have had to release that place from my heart in a way that didn't welcome this monument. No…he rests safely now. In his grave, in the wilderness, nestled amongst loved ones, in my precious red leather box, in my heart…but most importantly, with God.
\n\n\nYes, today is my re-birthday. A day I will always remember as the day God didn't let me leave. What a beautiful life He has given me!
\n\n\n❤
\n\n", "date_published": "2015-01-06T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/01/06/ashes-to-ashes.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Aging","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/12/28/sunset-on-christmas.html", "title": "Sunset on Christmas", "content_html": "\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/d6cc783528.jpg\")
What a perfect day yesterday was. It was nearly 60 degrees with beautiful sunny skies and I was free in my way-cool pickup truck, flying through the mountains of West Virginia…the warm support and love of my extended family tucked safely in my heart to pull out when needed. Sometimes you have to go to your people and draw from the well to fill yourself back up. My heart feels so much better now.
\n\n\nThere will be difficult conversations ahead. I'm not good at those. I'm not good at confrontation. I don't think fast on my feet. All reasons God has put me in this situation, I am sure. He gives us opportunities to learn and grow and practice the necessary skills we need to get through life. These are skills most people have in place by this time. I don't know how I got to the age of 61 without them…other than it's just not my nature.
\n\n\nI'm heading into town today to visit with a friend who is here for the holidays. I'll be checking out options for moving my camper. I also got my social security card in the mail while I was gone so now I can get my driver's license on Monday. Yay…another trip to the DMV!!! Plus, a trip to the social security office and my insurance agent. Then I can settle in and start going through these boxes of pictures and get them scanned into my external hard drive. Life is busy, that's for sure!
\n\n\n❤
\n\n", "date_published": "2014-12-28T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/12/28/sunset-on-christmas.html", "tags": ["Grief","West Virginia","Growth","Gratitude","Choices","Change","Be Joyful!"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/12/26/who-loves-ya-baby.html", "title": "Who Loves Ya, Baby?", "content_html": "\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/3000a3bac7.jpg\")
I used to put so much stock in trying to make sure people liked me. When I think of all the times I jumped through hoops for approval, I cringe. I'd say it adds up to an awful lot of time wasted in angst over people, many whose names I no longer remember. This is one of the gifts that keep on giving from my starring roll in that blockbuster hit…\"The All American Dysfunctional Family\".
\n\n\nI've been tap dancing in a little reprise version lately and have been in deep meditation and prayer over it for the last three weeks. It seems my aunt does not share my taste in art. It seems I forgot to show her the painting before I hung it. Big mistake. In my defense, we did discuss said painting. We just didn't close the meeting. I thought it was a go. She thought we were waiting for a quorum.
\n\n\nUnfortunately, sometimes a mountain really does come from a molehill. (Just ask Molehill, WV what name they voted in as a change.) It started out as something small, then the next thing and the next till now there is trouble in paradise. Change does not come easily to a nearly 83 year old and turns out, 61 year olds have a little trouble too from time to time. It's looking like there will be a change in the living arrangements in WV before too long. I'm not going to go into the gory details. Suffice it to say, I am sad and disappointed. :-(
\n\n\nOn a lighter note, I had a perfectly lovely Christmas Eve. Dinner with friends, the candlelight service at church, a ride around looking at lights then back to their house for dessert. I stayed with a friend overnight and had a lovely breakfast Christmas morning. Went back to the farm and made sure my aunt had a good meal then headed to the Eastern Panhandle. I'm licking my wounds here for a couple of days. I'll keep you apprised.
\n\n\n❤
\n\n", "date_published": "2014-12-26T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/12/26/who-loves-ya-baby.html", "tags": ["Family","Grief","Fear","Choices","Change","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/12/23/the-gift.html", "title": "The Gift", "content_html": "\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/3d42be0354.jpg\")
Christmas was big in our house. Mr. Virgo listened…to every little gasp at something beautiful that caught my eye. To every little \"Darn it…I wish I had _, it would make this job so much easier.\" To every shiver in the cold or gaze through a shop window…he listened, and watched, and waited. He hid things…in his sock drawer, in his briefcase, in his cowboy boot on the back of the top shelf. Boxes arrived and I was forbidden entry to his closet for a month. He listened…and he planned…and he schemed. And when the time came to open presents, he sat with eager anticipation…not for what HE was going to get. No…he wanted to see the look on my face when I opened…the…perfect…present. He never disappointed. Well, ok…there WAS the year he gave me a flintlock rifle because he thought it would look good hanging over the TV, but I've long since forgiven him for that. ;-) He spoiled me rotten. He indulged me. And I miss that. Not the \"stuff\". I mean, if I really wanted something, I would find a way to get it. That's not the issue. I miss the production, the anticipation, the execution of the surprise. I miss the attention. I miss the love.
\n\n\nI have people who love me. I have people who buy me things and they are sweet and tender and the thought that someone has gone out of their way to give me a gift is touching. I have a friend who sends me a little something from Tiffany every year because he knows my heart races when I see that blue box. I get portraits of my grandchildren. I get Starbucks gift cards and lunch or dinner (or both) out. I get cards and hugs. And I am grateful. I am blessed.
\n\n\nStill…nothing compares to the Ghost of Christmas Past. I need to change my focus or I'll just keep missing what I do not have. So, this year I have compiled a list of gifts I am going to give myself this Christmas.
\n\n\nSeven gifts. One for each day of the week. Gifts that I can rotate and keep giving myself over and over and over. I won't have to take them back…they're just the right size. And if I keep giving myself these gifts, I'll have such an abundance of time, love, health, permission, forgiveness, heart, and compassion that the surplus will just overflow and splash all over everyone around me.
\n\n\nIt is not selfish to give yourself such gifts. This is a difficult time of year. High self-expectations lead to stress and disappointment. We are overextended…physically, mentally, emotionally, financially. Add the stress of grief to that and you have a recipe for disaster. Give yourself the gift of self care.
\n\n\nYou cannot water a garden if your well is dry. Fill it up!
\n\n\n❤
\n\n", "date_published": "2014-12-23T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/12/23/the-gift.html", "tags": ["Health","Grief","Growth","Comfort","Grace","Courage","Choices"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/12/22/dear-santa.html", "title": "Dear Santa,", "content_html": "\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/b920634027.jpg\")
One year ago today, I was sitting in my house with a huge gaping hole in my chest where my heart used to be. I knew instinctively that it wasn't a good idea for me to wallow around in my bedroom all day and it took every ounce of strength I had to get out of bed, get dressed, and head to the mall. It was there that I ran into you and wrote the following post.
\n\n\n\"Santa!
\n\n\nI find that if I get out and mingle with people I do a lot better than if I hang out at the house too much. Today was no exception. I found myself wasting the day away so I headed to town about 2pm. I have lived in my small town since 1986 so I can just about bank on seeing someone I know when I'm out and about.
\n\n\nFirst stop was the bank. The gals are always so sweet and want to know what adventure I'm heading on next. Then I went to the mall. I needed a screen protector so while I waited I chatted with a gal I knew. She didn't know about Mr. Virgo so I had to tell her. Sympathy, hugs, promises to do lunch. All so gratefully received. I wandered around till I got to Penney's. Big sale so I picked up a pair of jeans and saw another gal I've known forever. Sympathy, hugs, tears. Pulled it together and headed in the other direction. Down at the other end of the mall, there was Santa with three beautiful children on his lap. Now, my normal operating mode is to cry over Hallmark commercials. Don't EVEN show me one with a soldier coming home to his mom! I stood watching these bright and shiny faces gazing in wonder at Santa and I was reminded of when Mr. Virgo had his beard (omgosh…he looked JUST like Sean Connery, I kid you not!). He worked at the Hotel Jerome and was asked to be Santa. Oh! You would have thought they had given him the leading role in the year's biggest blockbuster movie, he was that excited. So of course, I had to stand there watching Santa and the children and didn't even realize tears were falling off my chin. The children left and I noticed Santa watching me. He cocked his head a little, scooched over in the chair and patted the seat beside him. I looked around and decided I really needed a visit with this jolly, old elf. I walked up and sat down. I kept my eyes diverted a bit because I knew if I made direct eye contact, I was a goner. We sat in silence for a bit and finally, I whispered to him, \"My husband died. I need a new heart.\" He put his arm around me and drew me close. He whispered back, \"I'm so sorry.\" I told him what had happened and that I had such sweet memories of Mr. Virgo at Christmas. I apologized for being such a mess. He told me I was perfect. I asked if I could just sit with him for a minute. He leaned his head against mine and patted my back while I cried. It didn't take long. I had it back together in just a couple of minutes. These water works turn on and off fairly quickly, most of the time. He said, \"Will you have your picture taken with me?\" I smiled and wiped the last tears away, and with the same awe I saw on the faces of those beautiful children, I nodded and said, \"I'd like that.\" He whispered, \"Thank you for stopping.\" I whispered back, \"Thank you for being real.\"
\n\n\nWell, Santa…I just want you to know I'm doing better this year. Even though I didn't get a new heart last year, the one I have has come a long way towards healing. It still hurts sometimes, and when it does, my eyes leak then I feel better. I sold my house and either sold or gave away just about everything I own. I traded in my Expedition for an F-150 and the 16 footer for a 24 footer and drove cross country. I'm caring for an elderly aunt with no children.
\n\n\nIf you would leave me a handful of courage, a dash of strength, and a dollop of patience, I'd sure appreciate it. No need to leave me any faith this year…I've got oodles! Thank you for the gifts you gave me last Christmas. They fit me perfectly! Say hello to Mrs. Claus and those little elves you raised. Here's to a great New Year!
\n\n\nGinny
\n\n\n❤
\n\n", "date_published": "2014-12-22T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/12/22/dear-santa.html", "tags": ["Grief","Growth","Comfort","Courage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/12/20/its-christmas-time-in-heaven.html", "title": "\"It's Christmas Time in Heaven\"", "content_html": "\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/d30522afec.jpg\")
This is the last picture taken of Mr. Virgo. It was Christmas morning 2012. Eleven weeks later, he was gone. This was the first Christmas he had off in 40 years. It was as if God was saying, \"He won't be here next year so I'll give you this one together.\" It was a beautiful day. One that will remain in my heart forever.
\n\n\nI wrote this poem last year as a tribute. I thought I'd share it here again. So far, this year isn't quite as difficult as last year. As a dear friend of mine said, \"The very nature of a mine field indicates fewer and fewer mines will be found as they explode.\" I guess the trick is to not get blown up.
\n\n\n❤
\n\n\n\"It's Christmas Time in Heaven\"
\n\n\nIf only I'd have known\n\n\n
Your days on Earth were few,
I'd have spent each waking moment
Of my life with you.
I would have taken pictures\n\n\n
To mark each passing day
Then I could see you when I want
Since you have gone away.
I know you're up in Heaven.\n\n\n
I know you're there with God.
I know you're there with Mom and Dad,
But oh, this time is hard.
It's Christmas time, my darling.\n\n\n
Times past were filled with glee.
But this year all I think about is
You're not here with me.
No sneaky shaking presents.\n\n\n
There is no hug or kiss.
My heart just feels so empty.
It's you I really miss.
It's Christmas time in Heaven.\n\n\n
I know this must be true.
Every day was Christmas Day
When it was spent with you!
Copyright 2013 - Ginny McKinney - Marshmallow Ranch
\n\n", "date_published": "2014-12-20T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/12/20/its-christmas-time-in-heaven.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Growth","Courage","Aging","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/12/18/deck-the-halls-with-mr.html", "title": "\"Deck the Halls With Mr. Virgo, FaLaLaLaLa\"", "content_html": "\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/694a11bb69.jpg\")
Oh, how Mr. Virgo loved Christmas! We always decorated the tree right after Thanksgiving. We watched \"White Christmas\" while we trimmed the tree with such an eclectic mix of ornaments. I have those wonderful Shiny Bright ornaments from my childhood. There are dozens of beautiful handmade ornaments from my friend Judy's carefully planned and executed exchange parties. I have one from the Hotel Jerome and another from The Ritz Carlton…both gifts from Mr. Virgo. And I have the ornaments we bought on our annual trips…usually to Estes Park. We always bought a hand painted glass ornament by Ne'Qwa. They're all boxed up this year, up in the cellar house on the farm. I won't have a tree. My camper is small and not warm enough anyway to sit out there and enjoy it. My aunt has her ceramic tree in the front window of the house and that suits her. I do have a lovely pre-lit garland that I'm going to hang up. I'm enjoying everyone else's trees, though. Everywhere I've been visiting has had a lovely tree and I get to hear about this ornament and that tradition. Much has changed in my life…this is just one more thing.
\n\n\nNow my grandchildren get to trim their tree and watch \"White Christmas\". My heart got all warm and fuzzy when they told me that. It made me think of all those years when my daughter would bring home a new ornament from school…the hand with her picture, the gingerbread boy out of cookies, the sleigh from a turkey breastbone. We watched the movie and decorated with whatever we had on hand. One year we emptied the kitchen utensil drawer and tied cookie cutters and wooden spoons with plaid ribbons and hung them on the tree. Another year we put every stuffed animal she had on the tree and used baby's breath as \"snow\" on the branches. It's amazing what we did with nothing. I hold lots of wonderful memories close to my heart of those simpler times. And right now? Well, this is an opportunity to relive some of the simpler times of my life. It will keep me focused on the Reason for the Season and less on the glamor and glitz. And there's something to be said for that.
\n\n\n❤
\n\n", "date_published": "2014-12-18T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/12/18/deck-the-halls-with-mr.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Holiday","Be Joyful!"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/12/17/poignant.html", "title": "Poignant", "content_html": "\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/fd0f16d27d.jpg\")
The holidays are rich with traditions and memories. When we have suffered a loss, the first major holiday is the worst. My friend and I were discussing this over dinner last night. They lost her father-in-law in September. She had tried to explain to her husband what this loss would feel like and he \"understood\". He totally \"got\" that it was going to be painful but \"at least he wasn't going to suffer anymore\". Then his dad died. And he was at a total loss. He couldn't understand why seeing candy corn at Halloween reduced him to tears in the grocery store.
\n\n\nThe thing is, unless you have experienced it personally, there really isn't any way you can honestly know what it's like to lose someone you love. And, each loss is different. It has always been my fervent hope that my writing can somehow prepare you for what comes after loss…even if it's just to understand that you're not alone, your grief is the worst grief, you are loved, and you will get through it.
\n\n\nI was listening to music on my iPad as I flew yesterday. I called on Mr. Virgo and asked him to come sit with me for awhile. I searched my phone photos for those great pictures I have of him. I didn't feel sad, per se. I let him wash over me and felt his energy surround me in a cosmic embrace. My 7 year old grand daughter snuggled in bed with me Saturday morning and we talked about God and what happens to us when we die. She told me not to worry…that when we die it's just our bodies that leave. WE'RE still here. She told me Papa Dan is always with us, all around us, and she has seen him. I love that. Why do we beat that out of kids? They are so much closer to God than we are. They see the source. I try to keep that alive in myself and encourage it in others.
\n\n\n❤
\n\n", "date_published": "2014-12-17T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/12/17/poignant.html", "tags": ["Grief","Wisdom","Aging","Change","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/12/15/doctor-doctori-can-walk.html", "title": "Doctor, Doctor…I Can Walk!", "content_html": "\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/883b8d782c.jpg\")
I found the spark in my heart and gently blew the embers back to flame.
\n\n\nBaking all day with my family yesterday was just what the doctor ordered! I got up and went to church, which I sorely needed. Then came back and started baking. Twenty dozen cookies, three trays of butter mints, a batch of Chocolate No Bakes, a batch of Rolo Pretzel cookies, a batch of Cherry Mash, a double batch of Jello Jigglers, and about five dozen \"dipped treats\" such as pretzels and Oreos and candy canes dipped in white chocolate! All in six hours and we only over cooked one tray of cookies. Three bakers, one stove, and two very cute little taste testers. My heart is as full as my tummy!
\n\n\nSuch is the nature of grief. If there is any message I truly want you to hear, it's this:
\n\n\nThe holidays are marching toward us. While they are difficult, the long stretch of time that crawls toward spring can be even more so. Have an \"accountability partner\". Someone who you can call, day or night, if the going gets too tough. Don't be embarrassed to seek help if you need it. We'll get through this, you and I.
\n\n\n❤
\n\n", "date_published": "2014-12-15T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/12/15/doctor-doctori-can-walk.html", "tags": ["Grief","Hope","Growth","Comfort","Courage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/12/14/rebound.html", "title": "Rebound", "content_html": "\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/6273ce597e.jpg\")
Just as the lows strike you down, the rebound comes on it's heels and lifts you back up. But you still feel the bruises. You breathe in and out just as before. Your heart beats. You get up and put your feet to the floor. And even though you don't feel it, you've taken a tiny step forward on your journey. Growth hurts sometimes. Making the decision to move forward after the rough spots takes a great deal of courage. Speaking your truth to those around you can be extremely difficult because you just can't handle one more bit of drama and you especially don't want to hurt anyone. So you do your best, you get some sleep, and you pour another cup of coffee in the morning. One step, two steps, three…eventually it'll be automatic. Eventually it gets better.
\n\n\nWe are baking cookies today. I am looking for the spark. As my friend Vicky says, it's there…blow gently.
\n\n\n❤
\n\n", "date_published": "2014-12-14T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/12/14/rebound.html", "tags": ["Grief","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/12/13/can-we-stop-now.html", "title": "Can We Stop Now?", "content_html": "\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/228777f328.jpg\")
I'd like to stop this roller coaster and get off now. It's making me want to throw up. I had a lovely day in Aspen yesterday. Then dinner out at a nice restaurant. I don't know WHAT I was thinking. I mean, this was the restaurant Mr. Virgo and I got married in! I should have said something when my friend suggested it. But I thought I could handle it. Yeah…not no much. They sat me where I could see the table we sat at during the reception. I could barely eat. I made it to the car before I cried. I was going to stay over at another friend's house but when I couldn't reach her, I just went back to Denver. Sometimes retreat is the best form of self care.
\n\n\nDang it…I wish that whole thing would have gone differently. I could kick myself for stepping foot in there. It caused a snowball effect that quickly went south. Sad.
\n\n\n❤
\n\n", "date_published": "2014-12-13T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/12/13/can-we-stop-now.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/12/11/the-ritual.html", "title": "The Ritual", "content_html": "\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/9ad38e8196.jpg\")
We pull into the cemetery. Three cars. We aren't together, but we are, you know? The red Honda pulls to the left and heads to the back west side. I turn right to the front east. The silver SUV drives past me and heads a couple rows to the north, Christmas carols escaping thinly in the dusky air. \"I'll Be Home for Christmas\". Sigh. Not this year. Not any year.
\n\n\nWe are here…members of a club we didn't ask to join. One to which the dues are far, far too high. We each set to the task at hand. Clearing away the last of the autumn leaves, straightening a cross here, an arrangement there. Quietly tending to those we loved…love still. Trying to make some sense of how another year could possibly have passed without them. \"Silent Night, Holy Night\".
\n\n\nI carefully unwrap the solar Christmas lights and the silver garland I purchased on my way over. I decorate the metal garden piece I use to hang wreaths hoping the lights work. Mr. Virgo loved Christmas. It was his very favorite holiday and he took great delight in choosing the perfect presents and decorating our home. This year is different. The house belongs to a young family celebrating their baby's first Christmas. I drove by the house. It looks lovely. It looks like it belongs to someone else. That's ok..that's good. Still…memories flood back of Mr. Virgo standing on the porch to greet me in the flood of white light from the porch decorations when I came home from work. The smell of a good pork roast greeting me when I walked in. The warmth of his hug. \"It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year\". Sigh.
\n\n\nIt doesn't go away. Grief sits in my chest like a water level that rises and falls with the tide. Yesterday it spilled over the banks. Today is another day.
\n\n\n\"O Holy Night\"
\n\n\n❤
\n\n", "date_published": "2014-12-11T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/12/11/the-ritual.html", "tags": ["Grief","Change","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/12/01/sailing.html", "title": "Sailing", "content_html": "\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/08f4c07cc7.jpg\")
A couple of years after my second husband and I split up, a friend's husband became ill and died six weeks later. It was barely time for her to let the idea sink in that she was losing him when the brain tumors took him. A group of us went to a friend's house one evening to gather and eat up the leftovers of the massive amount of food served at the church after the funeral. My friend Chris gathered a couple of us gals together and said she wanted to take the new widow to Mexico to give her a break and get her away. I agreed this was a good idea but was shocked when she proposed we leave 36 hours later! It's the most spontaneous thing I have ever done and honestly, I have no earthly idea how our friend managed to do this three days after burying her husband. She was a stronger woman than me.
\n\n\nI was still grieving the loss of my second marriage when we went on that trip. Watching Joanie after losing her husband gave me a different perspective on what real loss is all about. We were staying at an all inclusive resort and one of the activities you could take part in was sailing. I had always had a fear of water. Truth be told, at that particular time in my life, I was afraid of just about everything. But if the new widow could face it, I was sure I could. We had a sailing lesson and took off on a small catamaran. My three friends soon were bored with crossing the bay back and forth and wanted to go ashore. I dropped them off and headed back out into the Caribbean…alone. For some reason, I took to sailing like it was the most natural thing I had ever done. I stayed out for hours and something miraculous happened. It hit me, for the first time really, that I was in charge of my life. Sailing empowered me to make some solid decisions regarding the direction I wanted my life to go. I have never had the opportunity to sail again, but I know I steer this ship, under God's most expert direction.
\n\n\nWas there a defining moment in your life that empowered you to be in charge of your ship?
\n\n\n<3
\n\n", "date_published": "2014-12-01T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/12/01/sailing.html", "tags": ["Grief","Growth","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/11/26/seriously.html", "title": "Seriously…", "content_html": "\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/654cefdd77.jpg\")
This world scares me. I miss Mr. Virgo's strong arms around me more than ever, knowing I would be protected from all harm. Period. No questions. Now, there are tons of questions. Who is protecting me? Who will save us? God, of course, so I can rest in that. I am not delving into the issue of right or wrong here. Someone is always right. Someone is always wrong. Yin/yang. Light/dark. Good/evil. It has been this way forever. But, it's what we DO with that…how we react…that is the issue here. The human race is tired. We've been beaten up. Robbed of our peace by terror. Gone are the innocent Camelot years. I can feel the jagged energy in the world. It's harsh…like the static on a TV station you accidentally switch to and the sound is too loud. It's too loud for me, this world. It hurts…my ears, my head, my heart. I want to stand up and scream STOP! Stop it! You're hurting me. You're hurting my grandbabies. You're hurting us all.
\n\n\nI want to cry.
\n\n\nI don't have TV. I don't watch the news. I keep up by reading online, but the moving pictures on the evening news at my cousin's house last night struck terror in my heart. I wanted to switch it off, but I couldn't. I want to pretend it isn't happening, but that doesn't work. I want to erase the images of the burning and the looting, but I can't. You can't unring a bell.
\n\n\nSo, what CAN I do? I cannot change them, but I can pray for them. I cannot bring back the dead, but I can work for justice. I can learn, and read, and talk, and vote. But most of all…I can spread as much love throughout the world as I possibly can. I can hug everyone I meet and make sure they know they are loved. I can ask them to pay that forward. We are not so far gone that we cannot hold each other in love, standing strong in a sacred space. I will not be terrorized! They cannot steal my sense of peace! I will not fear the night! I will not run from my fellows! This can be a scary situation…or this can be the nadir of change. It is up to us. Do we join the angry rhetoric? Do we choose sides? Or do we remember humanity is essentially good and work from a space filled with love and compassion?
\n\n\nBreathe good into the world today. Pray for peace. <3
\n\n", "date_published": "2014-11-26T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/11/26/seriously.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Fear","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/11/21/floating.html", "title": "Floating", "content_html": "\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/c3175cef9c.jpg\")
One of the biggest challenges I have in dealing with…well, anything really…is stopping to breathe before I react. I've always been a reactionary. I don't jump to conclusions nearly as much and I'm better at holding my tongue than I used to be, yet I still find myself letting my thoughts spin out of control. I get way ahead of where I'm actually standing in a vain attempt to control the outcome. This control issue stems from being the child of an alcoholic parent…where the simplest of situations can quickly go south and get out of hand. Holding yourself in the rigid stance of hyper-vigilance creates long term physical and emotional side effects. When I find my jaw is aching because I have my teeth clenched, it's time to open up and speak my truth with someone about a subject I may be avoiding. When my breathing is shallow and my chest is tight, it's time to breathe deep and relax…let myself break the resistance. When my muscles are bound in knots and my joints ache, I need to explore what is keeping me from moving forward. When I stop struggling, I float. It's the law. This is exactly what happened night before last when I was in the throes of anxiety. I changed my location (I went to my camper), and I stopped to catch my breath, let go, and relax back into the current of life. That's when I began to float and my anxiety dissipated. This is an ongoing challenge for me. But I'm learning. Let go. Let go. Let go.
\n\n\n<3
\n\n", "date_published": "2014-11-21T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/11/21/floating.html", "tags": ["Grief","Courage","Choices"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/11/21/the-ugly-side-of-grief.html", "title": "The Ugly Side of Grief", "content_html": "\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/9aebf03710.jpg\")
Remember when you and I first started this journey? I told you I would speak from my heart. I would speak my truth as it is in the moment. I would tell you what it's like to walk this path and I told you that sometimes it wouldn't be pretty. Remember that? Well, I'm writing this at midnight and tonight is one of those nights that's just not pretty.
\n\n\nI woke up with a migraine Wednesday morning and didn't take the time to take care of myself as I would normally. My aunt had a doctor's appointment in the afternoon so we were gone for several hours. (I've managed to get 2.2 pounds on her tiny little frame by adding cream and cheese and eggs to a lot of her foods. That's a relief.) We got home and I fixed her supper. I really couldn't eat much and I went straight to bed. I slept a couple of hours and woke up. And the second phase of my migraine kicked in….GI symptoms.
\n\n\nGrief is hard work. Being sick is hard work. Being sick and grieving and feeling anxiety build up in you and knowing the only thing you can do is use Rescue Remedy and ride it out till morning? That's brutal. That opens all sorts of doors to thoughts better left for the light of day. When will this ever be over? Why did he have to die on me so soon? How am I ever going to find the strength to get through this? Is this what the rest of my life is going to look like? I've taken on a huge responsibility with my aunt's care. Have I bit off more than I can chew? Am I strong enough to get through this?
\n\n\nThat last question is the crux of the whole thing…am I strong enough to do this? If you look at my frail little human self with my fears and my anxieties and my grief, the answer is an unequivocal \"No…..not on my own.\" I could not have gotten where I am today if it weren't for my faith in a God much stronger than me. A God that will gladly carry every burden I have if I'll just remember to turn to Him and ask Him to carry them. I couldn't have made it this far without the countless prayers that have been offered up on my behalf. I hate the ugly underbelly of grief. The doubt and fear it stirs up in me scares me. And when I get scared, it's easy to go running down the dark corridors of my 2:00 mind, jiggling door knobs, frantically looking for a way out of this purgatory.
\n\n\nMy rational 8:00 mind will return after while. I'll get up and have coffee and the night will fade into memories of the many long nights of survival. And, until then, I will lay here in my comfy bed in my cold camper with my toasty electric blanket turned on high, and I will visualize sitting at the feet of God, my head on His knee, His hand stroking my brow, His love for me overflowing, His strength pouring into me, His gentle words of encouragement whispered into my ear. \"It's ok, baby girl. You fight hard and you get tired. You just rest in Me. I'll take care of you tonight and tomorrow things will look a whole lot different…you'll see. Trust Me.\"
\n\n\n<3
\n\n", "date_published": "2014-11-21T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/11/21/the-ugly-side-of-grief.html", "tags": ["Grief","Fear","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/11/17/home-for-the-holidays.html", "title": "Home for the Holidays", "content_html": "\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/f3362bd859.jpg\")
We're heading into the holidays and that's touchy territory for those who have suffered the loss of a loved one. Thankfully, I don't remember much about the first holiday season after losing Mr. Virgo. There is something to be said for the protective fog of acute grief. I wrote a blog post last Christmas about Santa Claus that still rips my heart out when I read it. It's hard to say what this Christmas will hold for me. I am blessed that I'll be heading to Colorado the first week of December and I can visit family and dear friends for a couple of weeks. That will break up the time and give me something to look forward to. Keeping busy is key for me. Too much time gets me inside my head.
\n\n\nThen there's the issue of decorating for Christmas which is huge for me. I have to be careful and not come storming in here like a bull in a china shop and change everything. This is not my house and my aunt is used to having the place to herself. I have made a few changes, mostly by hanging a couple of my paintings and moving some family photos around in an artistic grouping as opposed to being placed willy nilly here and there. Even a change as small as that was big for my aunt. I can imagine just my being here disrupts her, even though she repeatedly tells me she's happy to have me. She can't drive like she once did so she feels safer now. When I mentioned I would be gone the first two weeks of December, she was upset that I was \"cheating my grandchildren\" because I wasn't going to be with them for Christmas. I told her I wanted to be here and decorate and spend Christmas with her and she said she would prefer to not have Christmas. So, I'm left deciding whether I just decorate my camper, extend my stay in Colorado, or skip Christmas altogether. As you can probably detect, this has made me feel a bit melancholy this weekend. So many changes in such a short time. Things aren't always as you imagine them being but….if there's anyone in the world more flexible than me, I'd like to meet them! Sometimes you just have to adjust your dreams. It will all work out.
\n\n\n<3
\n\n", "date_published": "2014-11-17T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/11/17/home-for-the-holidays.html", "tags": ["Family","Grief","Holiday"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/11/16/sundays-on-the-farm.html", "title": "Sundays on the Farm", "content_html": "\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/c9031a50fb.jpg\")
I've been going to the little church down the road. You don't need to see a picture of it....you've seen a hundred pictures of it. You know the one....little, white, one room, TALL windows, double doors up front, and a steeple with a bell. Some of my fondest memories growing up are wrapped up in this church. \"Aunt Idy\" was my grandma's very good friend and she played the piano. Her name was Ida Mae...a spinster who lived down the road in a house so crooked you could throw a jar of marbles in the front door and they'd run out the back! There used to be a lot more people attending this little church when I was growing up but they've mostly died off or moved on to find work elsewhere. My Pop-Pop and his brother, Uncle Red, took turns leading services as we only had a circuit preacher who came every six weeks or so. One of my mom's cousins always led Sunday School. And my mom's brother, my Uncle Bob, rang the bell when it was time to start the service. He took that job very, very seriously.
\n\n\nMy Uncle Bob was an exceptional man. Grandma had chicken pox or measles...some malady when she was pregnant for Bob and he was born with a developmental disability of some type. He had a terrible speech impediment and a lazy eye. I believe in today's world he would have had quite a different life. But in those days, there wasn't such a thing as Special Education. When Grandma sent Bob to school with the other kids, they made fun of his speech and she would have none of that. She kept him at home with her. He was strong as an ox and he did a lot of the work on the farm. I remember him pounding rock with a sledge hammer and hauling it to fill the driveway. I still think of that when I walk down the drive to get the mail or the paper. He pushed a cultivator through the garden, hauled, lifted, toted, and worked hard every single day. Uncle Bob was totally without guile...the most innocent man I have ever known. He had never, ever lied. He wouldn't know how to. He had a sense of humor that would make a little girl cry. He would give you the food from his own plate if he thought you were hungry. He was a great man.
\n\n\nWhen my aunt lost her second husband, my grandma was about to the point where she needed someone to be here with her and Uncle Bob so she moved in with them. Grandma's love for Bob was apparent to all who knew them. Once, Bob was really sick with a fever. Grandma climbed right in bed with him and held him, rocking him like the little boy he still was to her. He would always be her \"Bobert\". After Grandma passed, my aunt stayed on and cared for Bob. She told me a story about him yesterday. Some people came to see Bob and brought him a little mechanical bird in a cage. Bob asked what that bird ate and everyone laughed and said it didn't eat...it was just a toy. After the company left, Bob asked my aunt again, quite seriously, what that bird ate. He was very concerned that if someone entrusted him with that bird, he needed to take good care of it. My aunt says that of all the people in this world that she has lost, the only one she has ever cried for is my Uncle Bob. On his headstone it reads \"Manager of the Bell\". He would have liked that. He was very proud of his job.
\n\n\nI try to emulate them...my grandma and grandpa, my Uncle Bob. I learned a lot about life and love from them and from that little white church on the hill. I hope to live up to the high standards they left for me as I follow in their footsteps and care for my lovely aunt and this beautiful farm. I will make them proud. ![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/7a2200ebb1.jpg\")
![\"stapled](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/c1c63eed2c.jpg\")
“The grief switch is just beneath the surface.”
The switch is just beneath the surface. Say the wrong thing…hear the wrong song…and it doesn’t matter where you are, the tears can come unbidden. The other night my friend and I were chatting and got a little too close to her switch. She had to excuse herself. I felt bad because it was during our conversation, but it wasn’t my fault. It’s nobody’s fault when the tears of grief come. They just come. They are as easily triggered by a dog food commercial as they are by finding a love letter. There’s no rhyme or reason. And it doesn’t matter where you are either. Tears come in the shower, driving, seeing a sunset, or….walking down an aisle at the hardware store. The hardware store? Yes.
\nI was walking through Lowe’s on Veteran’s Day. The music playing was patriotic. John Philip Sousa marches. Hail to the Chief. Military songs. Peppy. Patriotic feel-good music. Then…Taps. Mr. Virgo was a veteran and they played Taps and there was a gun salute at his funeral. When the handsome young soldier knelt before me and handed me the flag from Mr. Virgo’s coffin and thanked me “On behalf of the President…” I was a puddle. I ducked in the power tool aisle, hoping no one would see me crying in Lowe’s. The next song floored me. In the middle of all these patriotic songs, “Fields of Gold” came on the PA. And not Sting’s version. It was Eva Cassidy. When Mr. Virgo and I were first dating, I burned a CD of some beautiful love songs and played them when he would come to my place for dinner. We later referred to that CD as our “falling in love soundtrack”. This version of “Fields of Gold” was on that CD. My heart overflowed as much as my eyes did. He still sends me messages. He still lets me know he’s with me. And I thank him and let him know I’m fine…really. It was just that switch, just beneath the surface, got flipped a little. <3
\n", "date_published": "2014-11-13T02:30:12-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/11/13/just-beneath.html", "tags": ["Grief","Growth","Grace","Love","God"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/11/05/dream-a-little-dream-of.html", "title": "Dream a Little Dream of Me", "content_html": "![\"dream](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/7e66e1998c.jpg\")
“When loved ones come to you in a dream…”
How many of you have dreamt of a lost loved one? Was it comforting or did it just make you sad? I’ve only had a couple of dreams of Mr. Virgo since he died. Both times I woke up feeling as though he was right there within my reach. The dreams were SO real. I was laying with my head on his shoulder and I could smell his cologne…hear his breathing…feel his heartbeat. I wish I could dream intentionally.
\nMr. Virgo and I would kiss goodnight and I’d say “Meet you at the cabin.” We both had this image of the perfect mountain getaway. We had described it to one another so many times, it seemed like a real place. So we would say goodnight and promise to meet each other in our dreams at the cabin. We never did, but it was so sweet to end the day with that image and hope. There have been countless nights I have whispered…asking him to meet me at the cabin. To come see me in my dreams. It doesn’t work that way. Pity, really.
\nImagine if you could. Wouldn’t it be comforting? Wouldn’t it be lovely to visit knowing you could do it again and again just by wishing it so? Part of me would love it. However, I would hate the waking up to find it was only a dream…the reality hitting me over and over that he is indeed gone. But…he’s only a heartbeat away. And we will meet again someday.
\n", "date_published": "2014-11-05T02:30:56-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/11/05/dream-a-little-dream-of.html", "tags": ["Family","Grief","Hope","Comfort","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/11/02/an-ordinary-life.html", "title": "An Ordinary Life", "content_html": "![\"fairy](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/8e81c9fcfa.jpg\")
“Once in a while in an ordinary life, love gives us a fairy tale.”
I have had extraordinary moments in an otherwise ordinary life. I’m no different than anyone else. You would be hard pressed to find anything, short of my children, that has made a lasting impact on this world. Yet, I am unlike anyone else. I am unique. As are you. You were created with a specific purpose…a specific goal to achieve in this life. I don’t know about you, but I’ve spent the better part of 61 years trying to pinpoint just what that purpose is exactly. The pinnacle of existentialism…why am I here?
\nIt took a long time to figure it out, but here it is. The bottom line is, I am here to be happy. Before you go off thinking how self centered that is, let me elaborate. I chose to marry and bring children into the world. Therefore, it was my duty to take care of them when they were growing up. I didn’t do the best job of that because I was not happy with my marriage and my life in general. Had I focused on my own happiness a bit more, I would have been a better wife and mother and could have avoided a great deal of pain on everyone’s part. It is my duty as a Christian and as a citizen of the human race to take care of my fellow man and to feed the hungry and clothe the poor. The Bible says we are to give with a cheerful heart. Therefore, we have to find our happy place and plant our feet in that fertile ground in order to give our best.
\nSo, where do we find our happy place? It is deep within…sometimes hidden in a box covered with locks garnered from life’s hurts. There is only one key to open that box and that is love. Love of self opens our hearts to love others. Love of a power greater than ourselves opens our souls to a love greater than anything imaginable. Once I found (and believed) I was lovable, my heart opened to allow that fairytale love to come in. Right smack dab in the middle of my ordinary life.
\nWe are precious. We are small and ordinary and wild and wonderful. And we are loved. Don’t forget that. <3
\n", "date_published": "2014-11-02T02:30:28-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/11/02/an-ordinary-life.html", "tags": ["Family","Grief","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Choices"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/10/31/brush.html", "title": "Brush", "content_html": "![\"brush](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/3a4528db6f.jpg\")
“The Brush Pile”
This is my project this week. My uncle was here on Monday and he made quick work with a chain saw and cut this all down along the creek banks. However, I couldn’t leave it there to clog up the culvert and provide a haven for critters too close to the house. I’ve been hauling brush every day since and I have a couple more hours worth of work to do and I’ll be done. I’ll burn it in the spring when the woods are wet and the brush has had a chance to age a bit.
\nWe have a couple of trees that need to come down. One is quite small but situated so that it would fall across the electric line should it come down on its own. The other is quite large and down by the road. I’m going to see if I can get a state road crew to come take it out of there. I have a picture of this place taken about 55 years ago. The hillsides were clear quite a ways up to keep trees from crashing into the house, buildings, and barn. Over the years, the place has really grown up and needs some serious pruning. I’m just getting the bare necessities done at this point and will worry about the rest come spring. Just have to batten down the hatches for winter at this point.
\nI have a wonderful book that I read many years ago and recently purchased a newer edition. The Encyclopedia of Country Living by Carla Emery is a wonderful resource manual for living off the land. It shows you how to do everything you can possibly imagine on a homestead. I bought my first copy of it in the ’90s. I’ve dreamed of this lifestyle since the ’80s when I started buying Mother Earth News magazine. I’m falling into a rhythm now. I get my work done by 3:00 in the afternoon then I sit down and read this amazing book and learn and plan and dream. Then I write my post for the next day and schedule it to go live at 4:00am. Then it’s time to rustle up some supper. The 5:00 news is the next item on the agenda, not that I enjoy TV or the news but it’s something my aunt does, so I will adjust to the ritual. Sometimes I stay in the house and watch Jeopardy with her, but usually I go out to my camper and read, chat online with friends and family, or make phone calls. I’ve discovered an app on my iPad that plays ambient noises to cover the annoying sounds coming from the drilling over the hill. I can blend sounds so I have chosen crickets, rain, and distant thunder. I slept much better last night.
\nToday is a trip to town to meet some of my high school friends for coffee. “The Wild Wonderful Wacky Women of ‘71” are incredible and I’m really looking forward to seeing them. We “talk” to each other every day on Facebook offering laughs, encouragement, prayers, support. It will be fun to get together for some live facetime!
\nToday is also Halloween. Nine years ago today, my handsome Mr. Virgo called me at my little needlework shop and said he was in town doing his shopping and he was going to come into my shop to meet me. We had been talking for three months and so it was time to meet in person. He walked in and we took one look at each other and fell in love. I miss him so much. I truly do. <3
\n", "date_published": "2014-10-31T01:30:07-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/10/31/brush.html", "tags": ["Family","Grief","West Virginia","The Farm","Growth","Courage","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/10/14/forever-love.html", "title": "Forever Love", "content_html": "![\"grief](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/9edf9c7a4c.jpg\")
“Forever Love”
One of my sweetest friends in the world shared a YouTube video yesterday. It was Josh Groban singing “To Where You Are”…a hauntingly beautiful song about grief. She said it reminded her of me. I sat in my truck and listened and, of course, I cried.
\nI have a compartment in my heart where I have carefully stored the pain of losing Mr. Virgo. There is much scar tissue around that spot now and I don’t open it up to inspect the contents so much anymore. I used to look in often, hoping against hope that the chamber would be empty and I would be free from the pain. But I found it was always there…fresh and raw, the same as it always was. I came to realize it will truly always be there..it will never go away. The difference is, I have the key on my keychain now. I’m the Keeper of the Key. I can open it up or I can keep it safely tucked away.
\nThis is entirely different than denial. I KNOW it’s there. I also know that things have to get done in my life and I can’t just sit with it in my lap all the time with the wailing and gnashing of teeth. I’ve been so busy with selling my house and moving that I haven’t opened that box for quite awhile. This morning I did, for just a bit, and the most amazing thing happens when I do that.
\nI had my Kleenex moment and hit the road. I had my iPad plugged into the truck’s sound system, set on “random”. The first song that played was Etta James singing “At Last”. Like thousands of other couples, this was the song we danced to at our wedding…the only time Mr. Virgo ever danced with me. Then came Steve Robin singing “Little Things”. When I gave Mr. Virgo’s guitar to Yampah Mountain High School’s music program, their star guitar player lit up like a Christmas tree when he saw it. He picked it up and sang “Little Things” to me. I love when I get these gifts…these moments when I feel assured he is no more than a breath away from me. Who knows? I may love again. And, Mr. Virgo will be my forever love. <3
\n", "date_published": "2014-10-14T01:30:12-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/10/14/forever-love.html", "tags": ["Grief","Hope","Growth"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/10/08/andim-off.html", "title": "And...I'm off!!!!!!!", "content_html": "![\"camper](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/5796bcac06.jpg\")
“On the road with TOW-Wanda Grande!”
I can’t believe this day is here! I’m taking my time crossing the country this time. One of my Sisters on the Fly friends told me to pay the $50/day storage fee for my stuff when it gets to WV and take an extra week coming across. Good advice, Lisa!
\nMy mom died ten years ago and I made three round trips between CO and WV that year…by myself. I also brought my brother to CO from WV via Disney World! I came cross country the last time with a 17’ U-Haul towing my Toyota on a car hauler. I slept in the cab of that truck! This is total luxury having my house with me.
\nI’ll keep you up to date on my travels but I won’t divulge specific locations real time for safety reasons. (You’re welcome, Patty et al!). <3
\n", "date_published": "2014-10-08T01:30:44-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/10/08/andim-off.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Camping","Fun","Growth","Gratitude","goRVing","Grace","Courage","Downsizing","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/10/07/perfection.html", "title": "Perfection!", "content_html": "![\"camper\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/3d2fe436bf.jpg\")
“Saying Goodbye to Little TOW-Wanda. This makes me a little sad!”
I had a perfectly smooth day yesterday. I almost didn’t know how to act! I went to Columbine Ford in Rifle first thing. (Ask for Brandun Weeden and tell him I sent you!!!) I had called him on Friday when I was at a Ford dealer in Denver. I told him what I was looking at, and what they were offering, and asked if he could do better. He said he could and he didn’t disappoint! I got a year newer vehicle, with 30,000 less miles on it, with a 36 month extended warranty for about $4,000 less than I expected! Sweet! The only thing is, the truck doesn’t have nav or a back up camera. But I can deal with that. Thanks, Brandun!
\nThen I went to the trailer place and lo and behold…the trailer wasn’t in the lot! The part came in, she works perfectly!!! And, look who I saw peeking around the corner while I was waiting. Little TOW-Wanda. It’s as though she knew I’d be there today and she came to say goodbye. (Ok, they were winterizing her, but it makes a great story. I’m all about the story!)
\nI picked up the trailer and immediately hit the road. Got to Denver about a half hour after dark. OMGosh! That truck pulled TOW-Wanda Grande like she weighed nothing. Awesome job!
\nI wanted to get on the road today but my oldest wants me to stay another day so she can see my trailer. And, I’ll go help her get her classroom together so that should be fun. She has been asked to open a special ed center in a grade school that doesn’t have one so she has accepted the challenge. Besides, another day of rest can’t hurt anyone! I’ll get there soon enough…at least this delay is MY choice! <3
\n", "date_published": "2014-10-07T01:30:37-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/10/07/perfection.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Camping","Growth","Gratitude","goRVing","Grace","Courage","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/09/10/happy-birthday-mr-virgo.html", "title": "Happy Birthday, Mr. Virgo!", "content_html": "![\"clouds\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/a907a28214.jpg\")
“Happy Birthday, Mr. Virgo!”
He loved to celebrate my birthday but hated to celebrate his. He said it was just another day. His family didn’t make a big deal out of birthdays. He only had 62 of them. I got to celebrate seven with him. I was his last. His last love. His last best friend. His last partner in crime. His last birthday buddy. I am not sad. I smile when I feel the rich sweetness of his memory wash over me. But…I miss him like crazy.
\nHappy Birthday, handsome man.
\n", "date_published": "2014-09-10T01:30:44-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/09/10/happy-birthday-mr-virgo.html", "tags": ["Family","Grief","Growth","Holiday"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/08/29/scrambled-brain-syndrome.html", "title": "Scrambled Brain Syndrome", "content_html": "![\"grief](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/2da9363f78.jpg\")
“Scrambled Brain Syndrome” aka “Grief Brain”
I swear, my brain is scrambled. I don’t hold onto info like I used to. I have to make lists. My decision making skills are practically non- existent. I feel strongly about something then two days later it’s something completely different. And, I don’t think it’s just me.
\nI have heard from countless widows who all say the same thing. Their thinker is broken. They make really poor decisions. They do things that are totally out of character. Research has shown that the IQ of a grieving person can drop to as low as the fourth grade. Add memory loss to that and it just isn’t a pretty picture. I mean, it’s certainly better than it was the first year. I honestly don’t remember great swaths of it. Which is nature’s way of protecting us, I suppose.
\nThe only thing I can do is force myself to stop and consider the big picture…something that has always challenged me. I am much too distracted by the sparklies of life. :-) I pray…a lot. I meditate. I sleep….much better than I ever have actually. I’m trying to eat better but it’s difficult when you’re committed to not dirty up your kitchen. I don’t exercise which I’m sure would help.
\nBTW…the buyers backed out of the contract on Wednesday. I didn’t cave to enough of their demands and that is fine with me. I received another offer yesterday and I’m negotiating. I’m much more savvy after that first experience. ;-)
\nSo, the roller coaster continues it’s journey and I’m in the front car with my arms in the air…scared to death but LOVING the ride!
\n", "date_published": "2014-08-29T01:30:55-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/08/29/scrambled-brain-syndrome.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Fear","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/08/26/lava-lamps.html", "title": "Lava Lamps", "content_html": "![\"grace](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/06aaea159b.jpg\")
“Grace”
Those of you from my generation are quite familiar with lava lamps. I have no idea how they work other than the heat melts something and it gets lighter than the fluid surrounding it and it slowly releases a blob and sends it skyward. Grief is like that. This gunk stays solid down beneath the surface till the heat gets cranked up and pretty soon there’s an eruption. Of emotion…energy…tears….fears. It bubbles up and gets dealt with until the next blob of gunk comes up.
\nIt sounds all gooey and yucky and it is when you’re smack dab in the middle of the lamp. It’s hot and decidedly uncomfortable sitting in that mess all the time. But when you step back, you see the light. You see the infinite patterns forming and reforming. You see the beauty of the vessel, doing its thing, ad infinitum. And every once in awhile you have to unplug. You have to just let yourself be cool. It’s the only way to recharge so you can face the next batch of lava, hot from the source, threatening to burn you if you’re not careful. That’s what was happening last week…I was in the hot seat dealing with the lava.
\nYesterday was an unplug the lamp kinda day. Mr. Fixit came to do some honey-dos since there’s no honey to do them and I am sorely lacking tools since the great storage unit debacle. I spent a few hours trying to figure out what my furniture is worth. I wrote my rebuttal to the Inspection Objections. I talked to many friends. And I spent a delightful couple of hours walking down memory lane going through a plastic tub I had stored in the crawl space. (I found treasures!!!) I went for an ice cream. And I thanked God for another beautiful day to recharge.
\nToday would have been my beautiful mother’s 89th birthday. Happy Birthday, Mama! <3
\n", "date_published": "2014-08-26T01:30:54-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/08/26/lava-lamps.html", "tags": ["Family","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Grace","Courage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/08/25/just-he-me.html", "title": "Just He \u0026 Me", "content_html": "Dancing. The only time we dance…ever. He lasted half a song. lol
\n![\"wedding](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/d40ae1870e.jpg\")
“Our Only Dance”
Sassy after shot.
\n![\"wedding](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/4f96ce7475.jpg\")
“Sweet Mr. Virgo and Me”
![\"wedding](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/8578a612d7.jpg\")
“Happy Days”
I feel like I’ve been put through a wringer washer backwards. My world, my life was so perfect. I had what every girl dreamed of. Beautiful kids, sweet little grand daughters to love on, a darling house in the country, a dream job, great friends. And a handsome man to share it all with. I had it all. And in the blink of an eye, it all changed. I still have beautiful kids. I still have sweet little grand daughters. I have great friends. My dream job is over…at least that one is. My darling little house is an albatross I’m trying to get done with. And my handsome man is the memory that keeps me warm at night.
\nIt was an exhausting week. Dental work and new glasses stretched an already tight budget. Haggling with the prospective buyers has left me drained. I met with my financial advisor and it was reassuring to know I’m not going to starve any time soon but she did dampen my parade somewhat.
\nI am a huge proponent of positive affirmations so why am I allowing myself all this negativity? Where is my sparkle when I need it? I realize I’ve been looking at this house sale through the close-up lens. I’ve been keeping my nose pressed to the glass. I need to step back and gain perspective. I can handle this.
\nIt reminds me of when we moved Dan into this house. I kept dragging my feet. Not because I didn’t want him here. I just didn’t want to do all that moving. I wanted to go for a drive or to a movie or play golf. Heck, I think I’d rather have a root canal than move. And…darn it. I thought when we moved back here in 2011, it would be the last move I ever made. It wasn’t. And this one won’t be the last one either, likely. Someday I’ll move back to Colorado to live out my final years.
\nThis picture is a sweet memory of a time when I had it all. I still have it all. It just looks different. Maybe these new glasses will help me see the beauty in that.
\n", "date_published": "2014-08-22T01:30:18-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/08/22/happy-days.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Courage","Downsizing","Choices"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/08/18/memoirs.html", "title": "Memoirs", "content_html": "![\"anne](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/5f10d31a97.jpg\")
“What if…”
I finished writing my book while I was in WV. Ok, I finished the most recent rough draft of my book when I was in WV. I started writing it in 2005. At the time, I was still pretty angry with my second husband and, fortunately for all involved, I put it away for a few years. Things healed between us and we became friends and a tighter family and when I went back and read what I had written, the words were true but the timbre was vastly different. If I would have published what I originally wrote, I would have ruined all the work we all did on our family relationship.
\nI took the bare bones, reworked it with love in my heart, and added everything that happened since. Then I sent it off to my good friend who is proof reading, editing, and converting to the program editors want manuscripts submitted in. She told me the other day we needed to talk this weekend. Yikes…my first thought was “Oh, she’s going to tell me it’s awful!” Instead, she told me it was a monumental piece of work and she’s very proud of me. Hey, it may still be awful, but now I know at least one other person thinks it’s a “monumental piece of work”. And that’s pretty cool!
\n", "date_published": "2014-08-18T01:30:51-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/08/18/memoirs.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Growth","Courage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/08/17/emotions.html", "title": "Emotions", "content_html": "![\"emotions\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/33217bbf2c.jpg\")
“Emotional roller coaster.”
Even though it has been a year and a half since Mr. Virgo died, my emotions are still on a roller coaster and it’s very frustrating. I think trauma and grief flips a switch in your brain and things that normally wouldn’t bother you sometimes feels insurmountable. Your highs get higher, your lows get lower, and the distance between the two get shorter.
\nHaving the house on the market has been one of the most stressful things I have ever done. Certainly not as stressful as losing Mr. Virgo, but I was numb for most of the year. I’ve read repeatedly that the second year is worse because you’re awake and aware and still actively grieving. I had such a high with the sale of the house. Last night I went out for dinner with a friend. My tummy has been so tender the last year and there are certain foods that trigger a night of misery, pizza being the worst offender. And I LOVE pizza! So, of course, celebrating the high of the sale, I had pizza. I had a rough night and consequently crashed. And when you crash in combination with grief, you crash hard. But then the sun comes up and life looks different. A little drained, but I feel much better. I hope the highs and lows mellow out as this process progresses because this is exhausting.
\nGrief is an amazingly difficult and complex journey and no two are alike. There are some general similarities, but for the most part, you walk this path with a blindfold. When I see a new widow, I want to wrap her in my arms because I know the land she will travel to in the coming years is pretty rough.
\n", "date_published": "2014-08-17T01:30:12-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/08/17/emotions.html", "tags": ["Grief","Growth","Downsizing","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/08/16/sorry.html", "title": "Sorry", "content_html": "![\"sorry\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/7e7289d774.jpg\")
“I’m Sorry”
Don’t you hate it when you hurt someone’s feelings? Someone you really care about? I hate that. I get blinders on sometimes and run like a Bassett hound with my nose to the ground. I’m wagging my tail and feeling all happy and wanting to share it. And I shared it with someone who is going through something really, really horrible. I shared it with exuberance without even considering what my dear friend was going through. Sharing wasn’t the problem. Forgetting to ask how she was doing…that was the problem. I should have been more sensitive. I should have thought of her first. She’s a wonderful person. I think she loves me enough to forgive me. I hope so because I sure hate that I hurt her heart. I’m praying hard for her and her family for peace and healing and comfort. That’s all I can give. That…and love.
\n", "date_published": "2014-08-16T01:30:39-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/08/16/sorry.html", "tags": ["Grief","Growth","Grace","Forgiveness"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/08/14/sold.html", "title": "Sold!", "content_html": "![\"sold\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/5383384f2e.jpg\")
“Sold!”
Yesssssssss! Sold the house! They will have an inspector come in and once that clears, I’m good to go. September 11th closing. My sweet brother’s birthday is September 12th. I want to have a BIG going away party on the 13th and then I’m out of here!!!!!!! OMGosh! I’m on cloud nine!
\n(happy dance
\n", "date_published": "2014-08-14T01:30:18-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/08/14/sold.html", "tags": ["Faith","Colorado","Grief","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Fear","Courage","Downsizing","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/08/13/goodbye-mrs-doubtfire.html", "title": "Goodbye, Mrs. Doubtfire...", "content_html": "![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/82b0e1b94a.jpg\")
\nDepression is an insidious, dreadful, invisible disease. It can not only rob you of joy, it robs you of the ability to see. I don’t mean true vision. I mean the ability to see the good in life, to see the love others have for you, too see anything but pain.
\nRobin Williams lived in the richest county of America. He had a beautiful home and was wildly successful. He had a loving family. He had the freedom to do anything in the world that he wanted. He also had diseases. He had the disease called addiction. It haunted him and he tried so hard to tame the beast. He had the disease called depression. It followed him everywhere and he could never find peace from it. It was largely a silent, invisible, and ultimately deadly disease.
\nThere are some angry people who don’t understand how he could have been so selfish. They don’t understand. They only knew the outside Robin. While I never met the man, I know the inside Robin. It’s dark and scary and exhausting in there. You’re like the man spinning all those plates on sticks, trying like crazy to keep them from crashing to the ground. You’re afraid to set the plates down and rest because that’s when the darkness comes. It closes in on you, snaring you in it’s incessant grip…choking what life you have in you away. It’s a terrible place to be and when you are there, you truly see only one way out. Sleep. And, tragically, sometimes it is eternal.
\nYou may wonder why a man like Robin Williams ended up hanging at the end of a rope when he certainly had the resources to get help. The answer is unknown. Unless he left a note, we will never know what was going through his mind. But, please don’t be disheartened. There are resources out there that can help you back away from the edge. If you find yourself on that dark path and only want to escape the pain of living, please call for help. Call this number, call clergy, call a family member or a friend. Tape the number to your phone because you cannot see or think when you are in that dark place.
\nGod rest your gentle spirit, Mr. Williams. May you rest in peace away from the demons who tormented you in life. May you find Mr. Virgo in Heaven and play a rousing round of golf. You will be sorely missed.
\nNanu Nanu
\n", "date_published": "2014-08-13T01:30:33-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/08/13/goodbye-mrs-doubtfire.html", "tags": ["Grief","Prayer","Hope","Forgiveness","Choices"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/08/12/remembering-mr-virgo.html", "title": "Remembering Mr. Virgo", "content_html": "![\"handsome](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/a988ea1106.jpg\")
“Remembering Mr. Virgo”
The other night, I was browsing through my photos and ran across this one. It’s always been my favorite picture of Mr. Virgo. It’s a selfie before the term was coined. Before you started taking pictures at arm’s length that distorted your nose making it way to big for your face. He took this in his photography studio in Evergreen. It was his profile picture on match.com. It was the hook that captured my heart.
\nI don’t cry for him nearly as much now. I’m not “done”…you’re never “done” with grieving. You journey through grieving. And you do reach a point where you choose to remain neutral…a sort of DMZ where you just don’t go visit the pain as often. It’s not denial. You totally get that he’s gone and not coming back. Mr. Virgo is resting on a shelf in my heart and I don’t have to relive the gruesome death scene anymore.
\nUnfortunately, the downside of putting him on that shelf is forgetting things. Important things. Personal things. Intimate details of the person you loved more than life itself begin to seem just out of the reach of your mind, as if you’re looking through a dense fog. It’s just almost, but not quite there. It began to worry me. I was so afraid he was totally gone from me. Until the other night, when I came across this photo.
\nI was laying in bed, in TOW-Wanda. There was a lovely thunderstorm and the rain beat a steady roar on the roof. I pulled this pic up on my iPad and studied it intently. And suddenly it all came back. I could remember how his forehead felt when I brushed my fingers across his skin. I remembered the coarseness of his hair and how he had to use hairspray to keep that little bit in the front from falling forward. I remembered how he didn’t like me to touch his nose but loved me to nibble his bottom lip. I remembered that spot on his left cheek that worried me a little and I was going to ask him to see the doctor about it. I remembered that one wild hair in his eyebrow that he always seemed to miss and how he had me trim the neckline of his beard (even though he could do it fill well himself) just to have me pamper him a bit. I remembered the way he tucked his cuffs to the inside of his sleeve. For some weird reason I found that to be incredibly sexy. I could see him trimming his nails and carefully washing his watch and drying it on the towel. I could smell is Halston and leather and woodsy scent. I could feel his hug and his hand on the small of my back when he led me to our table in a restaurant. I remembered everything.
\nI was so afraid these memories were lost to me. But instead, I put them in a box on a shelf in my heart so I could pull them out when I was stronger. I am so relieved that I listened to my gut instinct and put Mr. Virgo away for awhile because now I can look at this picture and feel him again. And I can smile.
\n", "date_published": "2014-08-12T01:30:42-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/08/12/remembering-mr-virgo.html", "tags": ["Family","Grief","Growth","Gratitude"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/07/11/its-just-stuff.html", "title": "It's Just Stuff...", "content_html": "![\"just](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/e8337aac96.jpg\")
“It’s Just Stuff…”
Ok, I’ve had some time to think about it. For those of you who may have missed my post yesterday, my storage unit was broken into and a BOATLOAD of stuff was taken. My entire art/jewelry studio tools and supplies, two huge storage trunks filled with my power tools, my serger, my carpet cleaner…and our golf clubs. All told, maybe $4-5k worth of stuff. The thing that hurt was losing Mr. Virgo’s clubs. That stung. But the rest of it? Let’s look at that.
\nThe carpet cleaner? Well…..yay!!!!!
\nMy serger? I used it to make the most darling clothes for my baby. She’s 24, ok? I’ve dragged that thing around with me for oh…20 years without ever using it…not once. So, it’s gone.
\nMy power tools? Gasp! That may take a little time to get over. But, I can always get brand spankin’ new, ever so much better, power tools! Yay!!!
\nMY golf clubs? True confession? The only thing I loved about playing golf was smoking a cigar with Mr. Virgo! I sucked at it. I am giving countless people a break by not clogging up the golf course with my slow play. See? If you’re a golfer, you’re feeling better already, right? You’re welcome!
\nMy studio? Ahhhh, my studio. Dang it. I love making stuff. AND…I am a Gemini. I cannot do the same thing over, and over, and over. My creativity comes in spurts. I’m thinking God has a plan. Perhaps He saw that I was struggling with the guilt of having all this equipment and supplies and not really making much from it, and he said, “Ya know, honey….I’m gonna just get this stuff out of your way! Now, look….see how much LESS stuff you have to cart around with you? You’re welcome!”
\nWhich brings us to Mr. Virgo’s clubs. You know, the guy that stole those clubs didn’t steal them to play a better game. He stole them for drug money. God knows who he is. He will heap burning coals upon his head. He’s not my problem. I’m thinking of the guy who buys (or has already bought) those clubs. HE’S a golfer! He will appreciate the smokin’ deal he’s going to get on that set. And that bag I bought Mr. Virgo as a wedding gift? Icing on the cake because…that is one sweet bag! No, that unsuspecting golfer who picks up this $1700 set of clubs for a song at some garage sale somewhere is going to really love them. He’s going to appreciate the love and care that went into the upkeep of that set. May he get a hole in one his first time out! May he wear a 10.5D and fit into Mr. Virgo’s golf shoes that are in the side pocket. May his hand fit those extra golf gloves that were tucked in here and there. May he have many, many wonderful days out on the links. And if I ever run across him and recognize those clubs, I’ll tell him about a really great guy that loved to golf.
\nBecause, in the end, it’s only stuff.
\n", "date_published": "2014-07-11T01:30:38-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/07/11/its-just-stuff.html", "tags": ["Grief","Growth","Gratitude","Forgiveness","Courage","Downsizing","Choices"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/07/09/update-on-the-house.html", "title": "Update on the House", "content_html": "![\"flowers](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/bea9390e85.jpg\")
“My lovely front porch.”
The house is showing well. People love it. They love the location and the private back yard. The price is no longer a problem. So, why isn’t there an offer yet? Because it doesn’t have air conditioning. Really? It’s Colorado…you only really need AC for about 3.5 hours in July. Except this year. We seem to be unseasonably warm this year. I spent the afternoon strategically placing fans in windows, turning on the ceiling fans, and I have a guy coming over this evening to put the big window AC unit back in the dining room. That ought to make a difference. I’ve also been changing out light bulbs because so many of the lights have to be on for showings. I don’t have a halogen light for the entryway so I’m heading to the store in a bit to get one. Also, I want to refill the air fresheners and put fresh flowers on the dining room table. The flowers on the front porch are divine!
\nAND, the house is being shown today so send up some prayers that this will be the one!!!
\n", "date_published": "2014-07-09T01:30:50-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/07/09/update-on-the-house.html", "tags": ["Colorado","Grief","Gratitude","Grace","God","Courage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/07/03/more-pics-from-the-grand.html", "title": "More Pics from The Grand Adventure", "content_html": "Colorado Blue Spruce are majestic trees!
\n![\"colorado](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/a04a999840.jpg\")
“Colorado Blue Spruce”
There are great stretches of dead Lodgepole Pine killed by a pine beetle infestation. These stands of dead trees are a tinderbox waiting for an errant campfire or bolt of lightning to start a wildfire that would be impossible to control. They also are a threat to campers or drivers as their shallow root system has died and even a small wind can bring them crashing down with deadly results. Some campgrounds in the Rockies have been closed because of the threat.
\n![\"lodgepole](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/c0e225a9f5.jpg\")
“Lodgepole Pine beetle kill”
Camping in TOW-Wanda on the banks of the San Juan River in Pagosa Springs, Colorado.
\n![\"san](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/834b29fcfe.jpg\")
“My Morning View”
![\"labrynth\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/b7e82a578f.jpg\")
“A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.”
I have been on retreat for the last few days with my dear sister/friend, Sue. I have also been struggling a little lately. Nothing major, just par for the course on the long road of life. A particularly bumpy spot but not totally unexpected given the stressors I’m working with.
\nThe day I arrived, I walked through the midden pile and spotted a couple particularly beautiful painted potsherds on the ground. Even though I know better than to disturb them, I picked them up…marveling at the fact they were over 800 years old, hand built by the “Ancient Ones”. I slipped them in my pocket without thinking and at the end of the day, I found them resting on the counter of TOW-Wanda’s little kitchen.
\nI didn’t sleep well that night. The next day we hiked and had a grand day, but at nightfall, I found myself ill. All day Monday I was disturbed by something. I couldn’t quite put my finger on what was wrong. Tuesday morning, while feeling a bit better physically, I just didn’t feel right. Agitated, antsy, anxious…all I wanted to do was hook up TOW-Wanda and get out of town. I texted Sue and told her my plans had changed, I couldn’t settle my mind and write so I was moving on. Sue, in her Earth-Mother wisdom said, “Soon, you must lite somewhere and write this book. I will love you and support any decision you make, but I’m going to start kicking you in the butt a little bit. But first, go walk the labyrinth.”
\nI packed up, hooked up TOW-Wanda, and even though it was already in the 90’s, I headed for the back pasture to walk the labyrinth. For those who are unfamiliar, a labyrinth is a walking meditation. A path is walked slowly with intention as you wend your way toward the “center of the universe”. You can present a thought, a question, a problem to the universe and walk to the center where you may be presented with an answer. By the time you wend your way out, if the answer still feels good, you can go with that. My question was “What is wrong with me? What is bothering me and making me feel so unsettled?” Then I began to walk. After 30 seconds or so, you begin to relax, your focus becomes centered on the rhythmic crunch of your shoes on the ground, and by the time you reach the center, you are really open and paying attention. As I stood still in the “center of the universe” I was given a very clear message. “You must put them back.” I knew immediately what this was about. I was NOT supposed to take the potsherds away. The spirits here want what is theirs. When I emerged from the other side of the labyrinth, the message was even clearer. I went back to the trailer and rummaged around to find the beautiful potsherds and carried them back to the midden pile. I ceremoniously deposited them beneath a sage bush and immediately felt fine. No anxiety, no agitation…only peaceful stillness. It was amazing!
\nI thought back over Sue’s words. “Soon you must lite and write this book.” For the most part, it is written…it’s just making myself sit down and put it together. Over lunch yesterday, I told Sue that I knew she was right. I also knew I was putting it off because it’s not pretty diving back into the pain of the last year. I’ll be at the family farm in West Virginia soon. It’s the home of my heart. I made a commitment to Sue, and myself, to spend that time writing…pulling things together while the emotion is still fresh…while the words are richer and closer to the source.
\nI can dream of a house I will build. I can walk through it in my mind and see, feel, smell each room. But, until I pick up the hammer, it’s all just a dream. The time has come to pick up my hammer and get this done. I will be out of cell range for three weeks from July 13th to August 4th. You and I will be disconnected for the first time in a year and a half. But I need to do this. Thank you in advance for your support and love while I journey a little while on my own. I love you all.
\n", "date_published": "2014-07-02T01:30:19-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/07/02/building-a-lifeone-word-at.html", "tags": ["Faith","Travel","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","TOW-Wanda!","The Grand Adventure","Growth","Fear","Courage","Choices"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/07/01/contemplation.html", "title": "Contemplation", "content_html": "![\"conservatory\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/c07acd5b90.jpg\")
“Conservatory”
I took the whole day to myself yesterday. I still was feeling under the weather so I spent the day resting and napping and dreaming of tiny home designs. This structure is actually a conservatory. What do you think? Do you think it could be converted into a tiny home?
\n", "date_published": "2014-07-01T01:30:23-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/07/01/contemplation.html", "tags": ["Grief","Comfort","Courage","Downsizing","Choices"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/06/30/road-trip-into-the-wild.html", "title": "Road Trip Into the Wild", "content_html": "I saw lots of beautiful, wild places on this last road trip! Here are a couple of photos.
\n![\"wild](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/fd61dbdee0.jpg\")
“Wild Hot Springs - Reno, Colorado
It was nearly 100 degrees the day Sue and I stopped here. The water was almost too hot to get into. The spring has been dug out and lined with rocks and cement with a sandy bottom. It is deep enough to get down in up to your neck. It was SO hot, we couldn’t stay in long, but every time we got out, the horseflies came and bit us. It was awful! We didn’t stay there too long. I think it would be wonderful in the winter.
\n![\"long](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/34abb0cf4c.jpg\")
“Climbing into the wilds of Colorado.”
My friend Sue and I went over Red Mountain Pass and caught this long view of the far mountain above tree line. So many vistas look like paintings out west. There is a rare and wild beauty in the wilderness of Colorado.
\n", "date_published": "2014-06-30T01:30:04-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/06/30/road-trip-into-the-wild.html", "tags": ["Colorado","Travel","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Positive Energy","TOW-Wanda!","Camping","The Grand Adventure","Growth","Gratitude","goRVing","Grace","Courage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/06/29/coming-unglued-getting-unstuck.html", "title": "Coming Unglued - Getting Unstuck", "content_html": "![\"meme\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/a8578059bc.jpg\")
“Coming Unglued - Getting Unstuck”
I have so many dear friends. I’m blessed that way and I hope you are as well. When you are walking a grief journey, the right friend can make the difference between sorrowful handholding and “OK, this sucks. Now what?” Sue is the second kind of friend. She lives on 10 acres that is home to the Wild Kingdom. She has an outdoor shower. She has a labyrinth. She practices yoga and serves tea and snacks on a tray. She holds my hand without holding my hand, if you get that. She’s my cheerleader and my kick in the pants. She makes me laugh. She lets me cry. She is Mother Earth incarnate and I love her immensely. She always, always welcomes me as if we haven’t seen each other in years. She is divine.
\nAs we sat over our ever-so-civilized tray of delectable cheeses and pickles, peppers and apples and grape tomatoes, topped off with a lovely dark organic chocolate with mint, we discussed the virtue of giving yourself permission to get on with your life after losing a significant other. And to do so without guilt.
\nThere are basically two kinds of guilt. Real guilt occurs when you’ve actually done something wrong and you feel bad about it, such as purposefully hurting another physically or emotionally. Self-imposed guilt is when you get it in your head that you should have done something but you didn’t, such as not insisting your husband get that cardiac work up that the doctor wanted even though it was entirely your husband’s choice not to do it. Or thinking that if you “get happy” after your spouse dies, people might think you didn’t really love him. Or that if you change anything in the house after he’s gone, people may think less of you.
\nGranted, we all grieve differently. There is no formula or schedule that gives you a clue as to where you are in the process. Some people process grief in a few months. Others may take years. But if your grief has been going on for more than a couple of years, if it’s getting worse instead of better, and if you are avoiding taking part in life…it’s time to get some help. There are resources out there that can help you get through the toughest situations.
\nI’m going to practice a little tough love here. If you find yourself saying “never” a lot (as in, “I am never going to be happy again.” or “I will never go on another vacation.”) then you are making a choice. Is your life ever going to be the same? No, it is not. Grief changes people. Is there anyone in the world that lived through 9/11 that was not changed by it? I don’t think so. But, we have choices. We may have had an awful lot taken from us that dreadful day when we lost our loved one, but there’s one thing that no one can take from us. Choice. We can feel stuck. That’s ok. I still feel stuck once in awhile. But we can choose to take a new look, make a new choice, try something different. Every day we get up, we have that split second of choice. Good day. Bad day. Maybe just “a little bit better day”. It isn’t easy. It’s the hardest thing you’ll probably ever do in your life. But you CAN do this. The only person you need permission from to be happy is…you. Be gentle with your precious self, but give yourself a firm kick in the butt when you need it!
\n", "date_published": "2014-06-29T01:30:36-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/06/29/coming-unglued-getting-unstuck.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Growth","Courage","Choices"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/06/28/writing.html", "title": "Writing", "content_html": "![\"anne](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/30f47fda90.jpg\")
“I want to write, but more than that, I want to bring out all kinds of things that lie buried deep in my heart.” Anne Frank
I write every day. Once it became apparent this page was going to be more about my journey than my jewelry, I made a commitment to sit down and think about where I am in the moment and where I am on my journey. I made a commitment to be brutally honest, whether it was pretty or not. So I write…every single day. Except when I know I will be out of cell range. Then I write several days worth of posts ahead of time and schedule one to be published every day that I’m gone. I made a commitment. To you. To myself. I am proud to have this opportunity to share with so many loving, supportive people. I am touched that I have the opportunity to help others on their journey. It’s a blessing.
\nI will have plenty of time while I’m here to do some serious writing. I also have plenty if time to hang out with my friend and peace mentor and let my inner child out to play. So often in life, our responsibilities make us too serious. They take away all the fun out of life. We have to “make hay when the sun shines” and get outside and play because before we know it, we’ll be shoveling snow wondering where July went!
\nMay you step away from the computer, the TV, the cell phone, the laundry and the chores long enough to go outside and put your bare feet in the grass today. Go ahead…do it! You know you want to!
\nWe’ll catch up later!
\n", "date_published": "2014-06-28T01:30:50-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/06/28/writing.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Courage","Writing"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/06/27/on-the-road-again.html", "title": "On The Road Again", "content_html": "![\"ford](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/534fbdfef1.jpg\")
“On the road again!”
I found out Wednesday that I have the next two weeks off. It has been really hot and dry so I’m heading for the hills! While contemplating where to go, I made a rather rash decision thinking I might head for California. That would be epic! Alas, it was dusk before I made it 100 miles. It was still 90 degrees and I hadn’t even hit the desert yet. I filled up with gas and thought I should calculate mileage/price per gallon. When I discovered the trip would cost a month’s mortgage in gas alone, I quite quickly changed my mind and decided to stay in state. (So sorry, Patti!)
\nI pulled into an RV park that is close enough to the train tracks to enjoy the sound but far enough away to not be disturbing. I awoke to a beautiful day and took my sweet time getting ready to see the sights. Heading into the high country! (picture: TOW-Wanda stops at Starbucks. She can’t help herself!)
\n", "date_published": "2014-06-27T01:30:13-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/06/27/on-the-road-again.html", "tags": ["Colorado","Travel","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","TOW-Wanda!","Camping","The Grand Adventure","Growth","goRVing"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/06/26/simplicity.html", "title": "Simplicity", "content_html": "![\"ear](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/9e8bfde4d5.jpg\")
“Times have changed.”
A year ago, I wrote a post lamenting that I was having difficulty forcing myself to cook (and eat) a meal. I tried this and that…playing music, making the meal tasty and beautiful, setting a nice table, even buying fresh flowers to make dining alone seem somehow more palatable. I’m here to tell you I have failed…magnificently. And I couldn’t be happier!
\nHonestly, I pretty much hate cooking anymore, especially when it’s just for me. I try to eat foods that are good for me…doesn’t always happen, but I try. This time of year is my absolute favorite because the summer taste treat that I adore…ADORE…is starting to hit the produce section. Corn! We’re past that spring-corn-that-tastes-more-like-pig-fodder stage and heading into that glorious, albeit far too brief, time of succulent spears of gold that burst with flavor with each toothy bite! Yesssssss…with butter, REAL butter. And sea salt and fresh ground pepper. Oh, my….the gods swoon at the mere mention of these heavenly morsels! Oh, yes….I LOVE corn-on-the-cob (and fresh garden tomatoes…oh, and watermelon!) more than anything in the world! And the best thing? The very, VERY best thing? I cooked it and ate it over the kitchen sink as I watched the evening stroll of the resident deer coming down off the mountain behind my house. I let the juice and butter drip down my chin with abandon as I listened to the crickets and the big window fan upstairs that I brought from my mother’s house when she died. I grew up listening to that fan every day. It is the essence of summer to me. I stood there and let myself totally enjoy the moment…barefoot, tank top, cutoffs. Oh, my gosh…..life is so sweet and good…and so simple!
\nPhoto credit: janeheller.com
\n", "date_published": "2014-06-26T01:30:33-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/06/26/simplicity.html", "tags": ["Colorado","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Growth"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/06/22/laughter-is-the-best-medicine.html", "title": "Laughter IS the best medicine!", "content_html": "![\"irish](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/8849e42332.jpg\")
“Laughter really IS the best medicine!”
I am blessed to have good friends who really enjoy making me laugh. Whenever I feel I’m painting myself into a corner, I know I can call these people up…anytime, day or night. The stress of life just melts away. Last night it was watching “When Harry Met Sally” and laughing our butts off even though we had seen the movie many times. Thursday it was a day spent with a dear friend browsing shops and eating our way through two towns. Tonight it was a phone call with my buddy in Florida and laughing about everything whether it was funny or not…simply for the joy of hearing the laughter of the other.
\nA couple of days after Mr. Virgo died, I went to Target and bought every funny movie I could find in the bargain bin. I knew I was going to need laughter as much as I was going to need tears. Laughter releases endorphins…natures opiates. Those “feel good” hormones that make any pill easier to swallow. They create a sense of euphoria when taken in large doses. They’re “good for what ails ya”, as my grandma used to say. I’ve been blessed with an oversized funny bone. I’ve been known to entertain myself when I can’t sleep by writing stand-up comedy routines instead of counting sheep. Laughter has carried me through my darkest days, and it will continue to do so.
\nI hope you laugh at the little things, the absurdities of life, the slapstick antics of the people surrounding you. We all deserve to feel good…and make others feel good. Here’s to laughter!
\n", "date_published": "2014-06-22T01:30:43-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/06/22/laughter-is-the-best-medicine.html", "tags": ["Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Positive Energy","Fun","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","Wisdom"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/06/20/ewes-not-fatewes-fluffy.html", "title": "\"Ewe's not fat...ewe's fluffy!\"", "content_html": "![\"dori](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/4145678757.jpg\")
“Ewe’s not fat…ewe’s just fluffy!”
I swear…ever since I made the decision to sell the house I’ve been eating everything that I normally stay away from. My new rule seems to be “If it’s not nailed down, it’s fair game!”
\nStress eating has always been my nemesis. Sweet, salty, and fried things sing a Siren’s song, tempting me and leading me down a familiar path. Comfort foods. Food you don’t need that feeds a monster inside…uncertainty, fear, insecurity. The trouble is, once that monster is awakened, it is NOT easy to cage him again.
\nI am (almost) past the point of hating my body. Madison Avenue gives us airbrushed images that are simply unattainable. Sometimes the attempt to create an image of the perfect woman results in noticeably poor, often laughable, airbrush technique. I try to find these editing mistakes which divert my attention from my cellulite and big, comfy tummy. I am (almost) to the point of not caring that these bat wings on my arms are nearing the capability of flight
\nSeriously, I have (almost) licked the negative self-talk. I know this phase is temporary. Things always turn around when the stress monster is forced back in his cage. I know this too shall pass.
\n<3
\n", "date_published": "2014-06-20T01:30:39-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/06/20/ewes-not-fatewes-fluffy.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Courage","Downsizing"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/06/12/my-story.html", "title": "My Story", "content_html": "![\"your](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/94b142de2d.jpg\")
“Collect things you love, that are authentic to you, and your house becomes your story.”
My story is packed away in boxes stacked neatly in a 10x10 square. I chose my treasures wisely, selecting those with the grandest of stories. My great-grandfather’s bowler hat and walking stick. I remember when I was very young, my grandpa would play a tune on the fiddle and Grandpa Richardson would dance a soft-shoe across the back porch. I have my grandma’s churn and treadle sewing machine. My grandmother’s radio.
\nIt’s not just the older generation coming along with me on my next journey. My grade school lunch box, my bride doll, even my little rubber lamb from my toddler days made the cut. My children’s handprints.
\nI’m a storyteller. When you enter my house, your eye will move from place to place, resting here and there on an object of interest. If I notice you enjoying my collections, I’ll likely take you by the arm and tell you the stories behind each one. I’ve bored many guests to tears that way ! :-)
\nIt became easier to purge much of my stuff when I asked myself some questions. 1) Do I LOVE it? 2) Does it have a great story? 3) Will it make my life more joyful? And 4) Is there any chance my kids will want it? If the answer to all four questions was yes….and I mean an enthusiastic YES…it went to storage. After it’s been there awhile, if I open the box and it feels like Christmas morning when I was six, then I’ve got a keeper. If not, then I will re-evaluate. I have the time. I have the patience. I have the resources. I am so very grateful. <3
\n", "date_published": "2014-06-12T01:30:49-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/06/12/my-story.html", "tags": ["Grief","Growth","Gratitude","Courage","Downsizing"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/06/11/when-a-home-becomes-a.html", "title": "When a Home Becomes a House", "content_html": "![\"handprints](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/a557c95134.jpg\")
“Our Handprints in the Driveway”
Handprints in wet cement. Something so few of us have the privilege to do….to build a house from the ground up. Then comes the fun part…filling it with love and laughter and family, and turning it into a home. That’s what we did, the Divine Miss H and me. We anxiously waited for the day they poured the driveway. We put our hands in and celebrated as if we were getting our stars in front of Grauman’s Chinese Theater. She was 10.
\nMy youngest daughter and I were getting to know each other again. I was on the up side of a long bout of depression and this little girl had taken the brunt of it as it ravaged our lives and ended the only marriage she knew. This house was our haven where we had girl nights and did our nails. Where we sat in the middle of the bed with a pint of Ben & Jerry’s and a spoon, crying over bullies. Where we worked out the knots of adolescence and homework and learning to drive.
\nIt was quiet. I didn’t like fighting over the TV so when the house was finished, I just didn’t connect the cable. We read. We played games. We talked. We grew and healed and became a family again. Our house was a home…the haven we both needed. Then…along came Mr. Virgo and so much love and joy and noise and happiness came in with him! He and Miss H bonded immediately. She was fifteen…it could have gone either way, but we all adored each other. A couple years later, the baby was gone off to college. Mr. Virgo and I were gypsies for three and a half years then came back home. I thought we were coming home to stay. I thought I would never move again. Turns out, only one of us is staying…and he’s up on the hill across the road.
\nThings change. That’s an absolute. And one of the things that has changed is my home that I so carefully built and tended. Funny…..it turned back into a house. It’s got walls and structure. It’s aesthetically pleasing. It’s in a nice neighborhood. It has a mountain behind it and a view of the valley in front. It has a covered porch. But it’s just a house.
\nMy “home” left with Mr. Virgo. I am in search of a new home now. There is a part of me that will miss this place because of the sweet memories made. And, it’s those memories that linger around every corner…whispering “They don’t live here anymore.” It’s time to fly, my sweets. And I’m good with that.
\n", "date_published": "2014-06-11T01:30:27-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/06/11/when-a-home-becomes-a.html", "tags": ["Family","Grief","Growth","Courage","Downsizing"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/06/10/breathe.html", "title": "Breathe", "content_html": "![\"feather](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/01d7656c6a.jpg\")
“Breathe”
The thought that my love was once in a lifetime paralyzed me. It made me so sad to think I could never have that again. Then I remembered….I didn’t pass the clairvoyance test and I have no earthly idea what the future holds for me. Am I destined to be alone and sad and lonely and miserable for the rest of my life? Heck no. I am destined to remind myself that my HUSBAND died…I didn’t. I have an obligation here…I OWE it to him to live those days of life that he was deprived of. I owe it to my children and my grandchildren to go out and do something with my life and show them how to be a widow because someday it may be them and I want them to be prepared. And I owe it to myself to live every day of my life. Actually LIVE it…and I can’t do that if I look backwards all the time. Do I miss my man? Hell yes! Would I give my right arm to have him back? You bet your sweet patootie! But that ain’t gonna happen so I’m makin’ lemonade here as fast as I can. Everyone’s grief is different. I honor that. My heart goes out to anyone going through this because it’s the suckiest thing I have ever done and I am sure it is for everyone else. My life, my future is in God’s hands but I’ll be darned if I’m just going sit and cry every day for what’s left of it! Feeling determined!
\n", "date_published": "2014-06-10T01:30:01-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/06/10/breathe.html", "tags": ["Grief","Comfort","Fear","Courage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/06/08/the-death-whisperer.html", "title": "The Death Whisperer", "content_html": "![\"Maya](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/e8b80fd236.jpg\")
Maya Angelou meme
We face loss…real, imaginary, potential…every day of our lives. Often the topic death resides just out of reach in our minds. We know it’s lurking in the shadows, but there is so much more to occupy us that we turn away. But what happens when the whole world is dark? When there is no bright and shining path to lead us forward? When you see no way out of your pain? When mistakes made seem insurmountable and things are only going from bad to worse? Far too often, these lost souls choose to end their lives rather than go on. They whisper secrets to Death hoping he’ll be their friend and carry them away from their pain.
\nWe all know of someone who has chosen this path. A death by suicide leaves the survivors at a loss. It is an entirely different grief. It is untimely, unseemly, confusing. We lay guilt and blame on the table hoping to make sense of the hand that was dealt.
\nThere are so many questions, but try as you might, you will never understand what was going through the mind of the loved one lost. You will ask yourself questions like “Didn’t they love me?” Or “Didn’t they think of those that love them?” In that moment, you are lost. You have blinders on and can see nothing or think of nothing, or no one. You are in such a dark, tiny painful place that the only thing you want is to escape. It is a hopeless, helpless place to be.
\nI have great compassion for these lost souls. I understand them. I cannot blame them, because they honestly can’t consider any alternative. I have even greater compassion for those left behind searching for answers.
\n", "date_published": "2014-06-08T01:30:21-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/06/08/the-death-whisperer.html", "tags": ["Grief","Fear","Forgiveness","Courage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/06/05/bits-and-pieces.html", "title": "Bits and Pieces", "content_html": "![\"callaway](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/27c4a76c2d.jpg\")
“Mr. Virgo’s Golf Clubs”
Bits and pieces of a life. That is all I physically have left of Mr. Virgo. His clothes are mostly gone…just bits and pieces left: his leather bomber jacket, a belt, his cowboy boots, the sweater I loved him in. His toiletries are mostly gone…except for bits and pieces: a bottle of his cologne, his favorite soap, his electric razor. I have his golf clubs and his war medals and the picture of us dancing at our wedding. Just bits and pieces of a life well lived yet too soon over.
\nAs I sort and purge and cast off the encumbrances of my life, I shed more and more of my reminders of him. His humidor was emptied…dry, papery cigars tossed with yesterday’s junk mail…addressed to a man who no longer lives here. The humidor itself sent home with my daughter as a remembrance of her other dad. I feel as though I lose him over and over again. I feel as though he may just have been a figment of my imagination…a wisp of smoke and leather and spice that I held close for a moment before the wind whipped it from me. I feel like my heart just might explode with the joy of having had him and the pain of letting him go. Bits and pieces, bits and pieces.
\nThese things will fall away, move on, become meaningless items on a shelf downtown…waiting for someone else to love them. As he loved them. He loved these golf clubs. He nurtured them. He cleaned and polished them after every outing. He inspected them carefully and mourned over every nick and scar. Then he carefully covered each one in their little black sweaters and put them back in the bag I gave him as a wedding present. These clubs are as much a part of him as his Stetson or his Waterman pen or his DuPont lighter. Eventually, they will find their way into someone else’s garage. But for now, they are reminders of laughter, cigar smoke, stubby yellow pencils, Mulligans, blue eyes and sunshine. And, most of all….love.
\n", "date_published": "2014-06-05T01:30:04-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/06/05/bits-and-pieces.html", "tags": ["Family","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Growth","Downsizing"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/06/01/being-alone.html", "title": "Being Alone", "content_html": "![\"being](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/e4d860a761.jpg\")
“Being Alone”
I am “off the grid” for a few days of R&R with some girlfriends. No water, no electric, no cell service for 30 miles. Bliss!
\nToday’s post is about becoming comfortable with being alone. Man, this is a tough one. When you are the one who has been left behind, be it through divorce or death, you go through a myriad of emotions and it isn’t pretty.
\nI ran into a couple of women at Starbuck’s this morning. I’ve known them both for 28 years. One lost her husband about 22 years ago and the other lost hers last month. It was comforting to sit with them and see how far I’ve come (as compared to the newly widowed one) and that I’m going to be fine in the future (as demonstrated by the other one).
\nI miss Mr. Virgo’s company. And, I’m beginning to enjoy my own. It’s ok to say that. It’s ok to enjoy heading off for a camping trip with the girls and not feel guilty that I’m leaving Mr. Virgo alone at home. It doesn’t mean I love him less. It’s ok that I’m relieved I don’t have to cook every single night if I don’t want to. It doesn’t mean I didn’t love doing it for him. What it means is very simple. It means that I am perfectly capable of loving myself, of entertaining myself, of taking care of myself. This is not only a healthy thing…it makes it more appealing for others to be around me and it offers me new opportunities to get to know more people. It doesn’t mean I’m happy about the circumstances surrounding the cause for being alone. But it is what it is. Mr. Virgo would come back to haunt me if I didn’t move forward.
\nIt has taken me a long time to get to this point. It hasn’t been easy and there are still some potholes in this broken road. We can’t compare our journey to someone else’s. All we can do is lay down at night and say, “Lord, I did my best today. I’ll try again tomorrow!”
\n<3
\n", "date_published": "2014-06-01T01:30:18-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/06/01/being-alone.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Growth","Grace","Fear","Courage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/05/30/getting-started.html", "title": "Getting Started", "content_html": "![\"getting](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/9a9dcaa730.jpg\")
“Getting Started”
I am “off the grid” for a few days of R&R with some girlfriends. No water, no electric, no cell service for 30 miles. Bliss!
\nToday’s post is about getting started. Do you ever find yourself with a massive project to do and it’s so huge, it’s overwhelming to look at? Do you feel frozen in place? What do you do to get motivated to take that first step?
\nA friend of mine recently reached a goal of walking 1,000 miles. When she started, she was 35 pounds or so heavier. She had to have wondered how on earth she was going to walk a thousand miles! That’s like….a LOT! But, she put on her walking shoes and started slowly, gradually working her way up to 4 miles a day. She wrote her total to date on a page from Joel Osteen’s devotional and posted it to her FB page. It was amazing to watch as she posted her daily journey and watching her transform. (Congratulations, Valerie!)
\nI hadn’t given downsizing and moving a thought till Easter Sunday. And now, here I am up to my armpits in alligators. It was SO hard to let go and dive in because it meant letting go of a lot of other things, too. Everyone…every single person on this earth has lost someone they love more than life itself. It sucks. It really, really does. And every single one of those people left behind will deal with it in their own way. There’s no right way or wrong way. I will say this though….I know personally, if I don’t take that uncomfortable, scary, intimidating, exhausting, resentful, angry first step, I’m going to stay hanging on this monkey bar forever and “ain’t nobody got time for that”.
\nStop looking at the forest, or even the tree…pick a low branch and climb up. Tomorrow, choose another one. Before you know it, your view is going to be a lot farther and a lot prettier. And if you can’t do that, ask for help. We’re all in this thing together…no one is really and truly alone.
\n<3
\n", "date_published": "2014-05-30T01:30:36-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/05/30/getting-started.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Growth","Fear","Courage","Downsizing"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/05/25/to-be-or-not-to.html", "title": "To Be or Not To Be...", "content_html": "![\"to](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/3237215359.jpg\")
“To Be or Not To Be…”
That is the question Shakespeare asked of us. It indicates a choice is to be made. It forces the person being asked to take an active role in the conversation. It is existential. It is profound. It is the square root of who we are.
\nWhen I was in my forties, I had a teenager and a toddler and a husband who worked a difficult job and was gone long hours. He wasn’t a demonstrative person. I was involved in a hundred different things, trying to keep all the plates spinning on the sticks like the guy on Ted Mack’s Amateur Hour. Yet my soul was starving to death and when everything came crashing down around me, as it was bound to do, I saw a psychiatrist for depression and anxiety. We had worked together for a few weeks when he asked me a question I could not answer. As a matter of fact, I could not comprehend what was being asked.
\n“What does GINNY want?”
\nI was dumbfounded. Not only did I not know what Ginny wanted…I didn’t know who Ginny WAS. I don’t mean in an amnesiac kind of way. I mean in an existential kind of way. I was in my forties and no one, including myself, had ever asked me what I wanted. I changed doctors. I thought something was wrong with him to ask such a weird question. I could not relate.
\nI did finally get better and it was a terribly rocky road to get there. But, even in my “wellness”, I didn’t realize I still couldn’t answer the question. I didn’t realize I still didn’t understand what was being asked. Not until a few months after Mr. Virgo died did I confront my identity.
\nInitially it was “Who am I without Mr. Virgo?” I’m a mother…a grandmother…an aunt, sister, friend, employee, artist, writer, explorer…yada, yada, yada. These are my roles in life…my assigned titles that categorize where I sit at the big kid’s table. I am a Christian and that gives me great comfort. But….what do I want? The BIG “I”. The “I” that expands far beyond the confines of familial roles.
\nThis is the first time I have felt my “wholeness”. I feel expansive with limitless possibilities. I’m learning to enjoy my own company without relying on someone else’s compass. I like this person I am becoming. I love that I am a spacial thinker. I love that I am just the right age and size and that my skin fits me and makes reminders around my eyes that I have had great moments of joy in my life. I get a kick out of my ability to find the humor in just about any situation. I am touched by my heart when it aches with compassion. I am happy that I can cry tears of grief for a man I loved more than life. It means I HAD that love…that I FELT that connection with another soul. And I am grateful that I hold these memories close to my heart. They comfort me as well.
\nI don’t know if I will always be alone. But for right now, I am busy stretching my wings, flapping them around, doing a few little test flights here and there. I’m learning, not only what Ginny WANTS, but also who Ginny IS. I am making an active choice…to be or not to be. I am happy to just be ME.
\n<3
\n", "date_published": "2014-05-25T01:30:08-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/05/25/to-be-or-not-to.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","Courage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/05/21/live.html", "title": "Live!", "content_html": "![\"anne](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/aafbdce623.jpg\")
“Live!”
I have a magnet on my fridge that says “May you live all the days of your life!” A sound reminder that we can so easily become complacent in life. The devil you know is better than the one you don’t. Wrong! It took the awakening of spring to shake me out of my winter reverie. I went into hibernation as a means to just “get through” the long, cold darkness of another Colorado winter. My first winter without Mr. Virgo here to keep my home fires burning. As soon as the days started to get longer, I stretched and raised my head to look around only to find myself stagnant and unmoving. Like a bear emerging from her den, I went in search of food. I fed myself on the spring shoots called “fun in the sun”, and formulated a plan. I can sit here till the cows come home and write and expound on my deepest thoughts, but I am like anyone else…I sometimes have trouble following my own advice. Better late to the party than to never have bought the dress!
\nI stopped at Lowe’s after work and bought flowers for the front porch. When I got home, my next door neighbor was loading up a bunch of trash and the old hot tub from my yard onto a trailer to take it to the dump for me. Nice kids, these neighbors. Afterwards, it was hot and sticky. I turned on the air conditioner and took a quick snooze. Caught up with my Facebook friends and now I’m out in TOW-Wanda enjoying the sounds of the crickets and the neighborhood kids squeezing out the last of the sunlight before their mamas call them in for the night. It’s cool sitting here, propped up on my pillows in front of the open window, the gentle evening breeze brushing against the back of my neck.
\nIt’s funny how this journey brings you to such polarizing moments. Right now I am peaceful and content. Last Wednesday I was standing in the hall closet clinging to Mr. Virgo’s jacket, crying. It’s exhausting to ride the roller coaster of emotions. I’ve been told the second year was harder for many of my readers who are widowed. I can understand that. The first year you’re numb. The second year you’re well aware of what has happened and have pretty much resigned yourself to this new, solitary life. And it reminds you over and over that you aren’t a couple anymore. But I refuse to become one of the lost souls who can’t make it past this. I will fight with every ounce of my being to live the life Mr. Virgo was denied. And when those times of complacency settle over me, I will set a weekly alarm on my calendar to call a meeting of the Board of Directors (table for one, please) and discuss where this life is headed. Am I meeting my goals? Am I moving forward, even if it’s a snail’s pace? Do I need to touch base with someone I trust to make sure everything is ok? AM I ok? This week, I am fine. This week, I am up to my armpits in alligators and that makes everything else easier to deal with. <3
\n", "date_published": "2014-05-21T01:30:32-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/05/21/live.html", "tags": ["Grief","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Courage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/05/20/reflection.html", "title": "Reflection", "content_html": "![\"reflection](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/a1173848d9.jpg\")
“Reflection…20/20 Vision of the Mind”
This time last year I had just begun my Grand Adventure…my three month road trip in TOW-Wanda. It was really just the beginning of my grief journey. As I look back, I can see how far I’ve come since those lost days. Reflecting also gives me 20/20 vision. I can see where I made some poor decisions. I spent too much money. I got involved in situations I had no business getting involved in, as I was unprepared to handle the repercussions. I lost connections I thought I would always have. I made new connections that I hope will carry through the rest of my life. I cried more tears than I thought humanly possible. I found out how strong this West Virginia gal really is. That strength is solid. I know where it is and how to access it when needed. Something I did not always have in the past. Death is the great equalizer. We are all different but grief will knock every one of us to our knees at some point in life. I am grateful for these life lessons. I guess that is our true purpose in life. To learn that there is strength in our greatest weakness. To learn to love from the deepest crevasse of our souls. To know the compassion of others. To feel. Charles Dickens was right…It was the best of times. It was the worst of times. Life is funny that way.
\n", "date_published": "2014-05-20T01:30:50-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/05/20/reflection.html", "tags": ["Colorado","Grief","Camping","Growth","Grace","Courage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/05/10/live-music.html", "title": "Live Music", "content_html": "![\"microphone\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/73c853f969.jpg\")
“Live Music”
Sitting in my favorite little neighborhood restaurant, listening to a little trio playing, familiar faces around the room. I’ll miss this little town. Seems like I just started building a life here. A life on my own, anyway. I’m doing things I’ve never done before…or at least, not for a long time. It’s all good, though. There are a lot of opportunities where I’m headed and I have no fear. I have friends there. I’ll make more. And I can come back and visit whenever I want. This is a beautiful place, a beautiful evening, a beautiful life!
\n", "date_published": "2014-05-10T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/05/10/live-music.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Fun","Growth","New Ideas"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/05/07/acceptance.html", "title": "Acceptance", "content_html": "![\"acceptance](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/aa5d405458.jpg\")
“Acceptance”
Sometimes this new life I had thrust upon me sneaks up on me and bites me in the butt. I live my life. I am on my own. I have freedom to do what I want, pretty much. I have choices. This is all well and good till the execution of said choices involves half the manpower it used to. That’s when my aloneness rears up its ugly head and reminds me why that is. What used to be easier with two becomes a challenge for one. Facing a major downsize, yet another move, and all that it entails drove me to my inner sanctuary yesterday afternoon. I accomplished a lot in the garage then went to town to have the tires switched out. I came home and did a little self care…i.e., I took a nap. The stuff was still there afterward and I was better able to take another stab at it after a rest than I would have been had I pushed to work straight through.
\nHow do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.
\n", "date_published": "2014-05-07T01:30:40-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/05/07/acceptance.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Growth","Grace","Courage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/05/04/conviction.html", "title": "Conviction", "content_html": "![\"confucius](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/25601b729f.jpg\")
“Conviction”
When we travel through life on autopilot, we do ourselves a disservice. We deny ourselves the real experience of living out loud, with gusto…with conviction. We need to live life like we mean it, like this is the only day we have…because it is. I have friends who have lost loved ones recently. One is in her 40’s with three little ones under 7 and lost her husband suddenly. He was 42. My loss was great. Her loss…what words can you say?
\nNo death is easy, but these “snatch deaths” are brutal. They’re there. Then they’re not. Just like that. I don’t claim to understand why. None of us can. Oh, we can intellectualize, sure. We can point out poor life choices. We can blame it on genetics. We can look at the bottom line truth of biology. We can turn to our faith and say God needed our loved one more that we did…it “was his time”. I wish I had some words of wisdom, some token of comfort today. But, today is just one of those days that I’m frustrated with my loss. I have made the decision to sell the house and move but the amount of work that it is going to take has me sitting scratching my head, wondering where on earth to start. I hate that feeling of paralysis knowing full well all it takes is making that first step…cutting things into bite sized pieces. I know how. I’ve done it a hundred times. And I also know myself well enough to know these things can’t be forced. I will sit with it in my lap and the motivation will hit me like a tidal wave. I just have to sit quietly with it and remind myself that I have control. I can make choices. I am not stuck or frozen. I am plugged in, like my cellphone, charging up and when the line hits green…I’ll run like my pants are on fire. Until then, I will be patient. I will wait.
\n", "date_published": "2014-05-04T01:30:30-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/05/04/conviction.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Growth","Grace","Fear","Courage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/04/26/a-fork-in-the-road.html", "title": "A Fork in the Road", "content_html": "![\"a](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/ea65864d70.jpg\")
“A Fork in the Road”
We have all found ourselves here many, many times in our lives. We’ve made choices and sometimes they are good, sometimes not so much. I’ve never stood at this spot with such trepidation as I have since losing Mr. Virgo. I have never had to make decisions all by myself. It’s daunting to say the least. What should I do about retirement? Should I keep the big house or downsize? What am I going to do about an income? Where am I heading? Who would take care of me if something unforeseen happens? Should I have another relationship? Do I want to grow old alone?
\nThese questions, and a million others can result in a certain kind of paralysis. Sitting and spinning and feel stuck doesn’t feel good and sometimes it’s the smallest of things that can help get you down off the fence. Other times it takes a veritable earthquake to shake you out of this self-imposed stagnation. For me, it happened this week when I was visiting my family and saw firsthand what they are going through juggling everything. I can be of much more help to them if I don’t live three hours away so I’m investigating selling the big mountain house and downsizing to something much more affordable near the kids. It just makes sense all the way around. And it’s amazing how just making the decision to investigate has freed me from the chains of my indecisiveness and helps me take a deep breath.
\n", "date_published": "2014-04-26T01:30:32-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/04/26/a-fork-in-the-road.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Growth","New Ideas","Grace","Wisdom","Fear","Courage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/04/21/out-of-the-mouths-of.html", "title": "Out of the Mouths of Babes", "content_html": "![\"child's](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/44edfe57dd.jpg\")
“Out of the mouths of babes.”
We all adore our grandchildren and each feel ours are the smartest, the kindest, the most beautiful, the best…and they are. That’s our job as grandmothers…to give them everything we wish we would have been smart enough, and wealthy enough, to give our own children. Grandchildren are our gifts from God…our reward for accepting the daunting task of parenting and surviving.
\nMy grandchildren are, of course, the best. My 10 year old is smart and beautiful and athletic. My 6 year old is my loving, tender, deep thinker. I’m spending a few days with them this week and we are all thrilled.
\nWe are having our annual Easter dinner at my son-in-law’s parents even as I write this. We hunted for Easter eggs and exchanged baskets and took lots of pictures. Then my little one, my thinker, my old soul told me she had something for me. She had made me this card. It was everything I could do not to cry. She misses her Papa. And…she understands me like few adults do.
\nYes, my grandchildren are the best.
\n", "date_published": "2014-04-21T01:30:37-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/04/21/out-of-the-mouths-of.html", "tags": ["Family","Grief","Hope","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","Courage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/04/18/clutter.html", "title": "Clutter", "content_html": "![\"O](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/753bfe83c5.jpg\")
“Ironic, isn’t it?”
Yes, I am ashamed to say it, but that IS an actual photo from my actual “craft” room (aka The Disaster Room). Ok, it’s not in the house where I am currently living, but…like the proverbial bad penny, it always returns. No matter where I live, this room follows me like Pigpen’s little dust cloud.
\nThere HAS to be help for someone like me! Ok, short of calling the producers of Hoarders…I’m not THAT bad. But it’s borderline pathologic the way I hang on to some things. I will formulate a plan. When I get back from my next adventure, I am tackling this house and getting it in order! I am selling stuff. I am organizing a garage sale. I am taking things to a consignment shop. I am donating to charities. I’m done with feeling like Damocles’ sword is hanging over my head. It has finally become unpleasant enough to want to do something about it.
\nThe majority of my house is just fine. It’s really just the garage and my office/studio. I’m a Gemini. I’m not an organizer. I need a staff! I could be as creative and together as Martha Stewart if I just had staff!
\nResumes being accepted now. Apply within.
\n", "date_published": "2014-04-18T01:30:10-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/04/18/clutter.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Growth","Gratitude","Grace"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/04/15/born-to-sparkle.html", "title": "Born to Sparkle", "content_html": "![\"sparkle](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/39b86d0e23.jpg\")
“You were born to SPARKLE!”
You were BORN to SPARKLE…even on TAX DAY!!
\nReally, you were! I know I was. Some days I sparkle so bright, I need sunglasses! Yesterday was just such a day. Well, it ended up that way.
\nRemember a week or two ago I wrote the post about procrastinating? Well, that was triggered by my reticence to tackle my taxes. It was much more complicated this year because I started a business, and Mr. Virgo died. I was so worried because I have had to pay big bucks the last few years. Fortunately, there are a ton of write offs with a business and I’m actually getting a little sumpin’ sumpin’ back! When I saw that, I burst into tears of relief. Of course, I had been chained to the computer since 8:30am. And I finished at 11:00p so it could be I had just had it with the chore.
\nOh, by the way…did you get to see the lunar eclipse? One of the bennies of watching the neighbor’s dog is the use of their hot tub. So I sat out there and watched the moon change. It was all so lovely. :-D
\nSo, whatever it takes…get out there and sparkle today! It’s nearly 3am here and Lowe’s is delivering my new dishwasher in a few hours. I still haven’t uninstalled the old one yet and I want them to take it to the dump so I’d better get some sleep. We’ll catch up later!
\n:-)
\n", "date_published": "2014-04-15T01:30:38-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/04/15/born-to-sparkle.html", "tags": ["Colorado","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Growth","Courage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/04/14/thirteen-months-later-on-a.html", "title": "Thirteen Months Later on a Saturday Night", "content_html": "![\"german](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/a3542ab270.jpg\")
“When is he coming home?”
It’s raining. I have a fever and a sore throat. I had things to do today but just…didn’t do them. It turned into a “me” day. I drank tea and read and soaked in the hot tub (compensation for watching Gemma…use of the neighbor’s hot tub!) and then I caught up with a few back episodes of The Voice on Hulu. While “me” days are often restorative, relaxing, and fun…when you’re not feeling well, well….you know. It can give you too much time to think. And thinking isn’t always the best thing when it’s stinkin’ thinkin’, as Dr. Phil calls it.
\nTell me, how many of you have heard a song that brought you to a special time and place? You feel those old, familiar warm feelings well up. Then you remember he’s gone, and the first thing that goes through your mind is “$#!+! You’ve been gone long enough. Now, get back here!” And, of course, you KNOW he’s not coming back. But still, it surprises you for a moment that he’s gone.
\nI am still faced with those moments on occasion. And I can’t quite put my finger on how it makes me feel. Sad? Lonely? Frustrated? Angry? A little of each, I suppose. It’s amplified when you don’t feel good so I’ll cut myself some slack here because I know it won’t last long. I’ll feel better soon.
\nIn the meantime, I think there’s some ice cream in there with my name on it and Blake Shelton and I have a date! Or is it Usher? Adam Levine? Hmmmmmm. ;-)
\n", "date_published": "2014-04-14T01:30:15-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/04/14/thirteen-months-later-on-a.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Courage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/04/11/some-days.html", "title": "Some Days...", "content_html": "![\"difficult](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/13df551d24.jpg\")
“Difficult roads often lead to beautiful destinations.”
Some days are easy, some not so much. And some vacillate back and forth so much you feel like a waffle by the time it’s over. Up, down, up, down…those days can wreak emotional havoc. Yesterday was like that. Coffee with the girls…up. Chiropractor (plantar fasciitis)…down. Phone call with daughter…up. Carotid imaging for cardiac screening (memories of Mr. Virgo)…down. Play with the neighbor’s dog…up. Facing the mess post-vacation…down. Talking with friends…up. Headache…down. Visiting with a gal who follows my blog who, like most of you, just stumbled upon it and finding out she lives 8 miles from my grandparent’s farm and we are more than likely related on my mom’s side…priceless.
\n(Six Degrees of Separation. It is a small world. I once was traveling through JFK Airport when I stopped in the facilities. There was a woman at the sink that I worked with in Denver! It was kind of funny though because we had just spoken a couple of days before and she never mentioned she was traveling as well. I greeted her and went for the greeting hug and she pulled back with a look of concern. I was puzzled. Then I realized she LOOKED just like my friend, but not exactly. Something was off. Come to find out, she was my friend’s twin sister!)
\nWe travel a lot of roads in life. Some are easy, some are not. And sometimes the greatest view is at the end of the roughest terrain. You just have to hang in there till you get past the tough parts.
\n", "date_published": "2014-04-11T01:30:18-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/04/11/some-days.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Grace","Fear","Courage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/04/10/inner-peace.html", "title": "Inner Peace", "content_html": "![\"marvin](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/403b128805.jpg\")
“If you cannot find peace within yourself, you will never find it anywhere else.” Marvin Gaye
So, yesterday I mentioned that I went through the whole day Monday without remembering it would have been Mr. Virgo’s and my 7th Wedding Anniversary. Thanks to everyone who sent me love and sweet thoughts. Now that I’ve had a chance to think about it, I realize it is just another step in healing. I haven’t forgotten him. I’ve just been living this amazing life I’ve been given and I still take him with me wherever I go.
\nWhen I went out for my walk/run yesterday, I went from my house to the cemetery for the first time. When I travel in TOW-Wanda, I bring a rock back from each trip and place it around Mr. Virgo’s grave and tell him about my trip. I did that yesterday without thinking of our anniversary. It was only after getting to the office and seeing the calendar that I remembered. And I felt sadness wash over me.
\nBut then something amazing happened. I’ve been reading The Untethered Soul by Michael A. Singer and have learned that “I” am not the thoughts, the voice chattering in my head. That voice of admonishment that chastised me for not remember on the day itself is not “me”. I remembered that “I”…the real “me”…sits back and observes that chatterbox. And really, what was the difference between the five minutes BEFORE I remembered and the five minutes AFTER? Only one thing…a tiny thought. I remembered. Everything else…the ensuing feeling of guilt…was nothing more than self judgement. Is anything really different after I remembered? Nope…he’s still gone. I’m still here. I’m still functioning and strong. I’m still standing. It may have taken me a few hours of rumination to work that thought through, but the point is…I DID work through it. I know HOW to work through it.
\nWhat an amazing revelation to know where “I” sit…to know who “I” am. Things will never be the same.
\n", "date_published": "2014-04-10T01:30:01-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/04/10/inner-peace.html", "tags": ["Grief","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","Peace","Wisdom"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/04/09/quiet.html", "title": "Quiet", "content_html": "![\"horse](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/580a80744c.jpg\")
“Quiet”
One thing I now have much more control over as a widow is noise. I am very selective about what I listen to these days. Driving is still much more fun for me while listening to my iTunes playlists. I sort them into fun mixes just like we used to do with mixed tapes. Country, Road Trip, Christian, Classical. I have a playlist for every mood. When we were in Ouray this weekend Sue played “Girls Chase Boys” by Ingrid Michaelson and I kept playing it over and over yesterday when I drove to Denver and back. Sometimes a song catches me and won’t let go!
\nThere are times when I just want peace and quiet. I rarely have TV on anymore. When I hear it for more than 15 minutes or so, I usually get really agitated…unless it’s a show I like. The Voice is one of my favorites. I bought an Apple TV unit yesterday. My daughter has it and says it has saved them a ton of money. Hey, my bottom line is this…$99 is a small price to pay to see Blake Shelton on the big screen! Am I right???
\n", "date_published": "2014-04-09T01:30:35-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/04/09/quiet.html", "tags": ["Grief","Growth","Comfort","Grace","God","Peace"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/04/07/simplicity.html", "title": "Simplicity", "content_html": "![\"ram](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/7868a1a5eb.jpg\")
“We’re all just walking each other home.” Ram Dass
Long stretches of silence brings us closer to the source. For me, that source is God and I find His peace deep within. My latest trip brought me into close communion with my source as well as a deep reconnection with nature. I could feel the rhythms of the earth. I heard the wind as it rocked my trailer. I smelled the rain in the air. I felt the chill of snow on my back as I lay in the hot springs whose very source is from deep within our planet. My breathing became regular and easy. My sleep was deep and dreamless. My pulse slowed and my mind became quiet. Life became very simple. Good coffee. Writing. Reading. Walking. Visiting with like minded spirits. Yoga. Stretching. Napping. Vegetarian dishes served with intention and love. Meditation. Prayer. Peace.
\nWe really are one. We are all in this together. What we do on a daily basis has profound impact on the world around us and that ripples out further and further. We get so busy and feel so small and ineffectual. One. One small thing. One small act of kindness. One small gesture of compassion. Can you imagine if every single person, every single day, did one small thing to raise the consciousness of our planet what a difference that would make in the world? Can you imagine if every person in the world said one small prayer every day in their own way of praying what a powerful thing that is?
\nWe must walk each other home.
\n", "date_published": "2014-04-07T01:30:52-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/04/07/simplicity.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Gratitude","Grace","God","Courage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/04/05/balance.html", "title": "Balance", "content_html": "![\"rocky](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/41242dbc66.jpg\")
“Balance”
Life is a balancing act. When I was raising my children, I was doing all those extra things you do as a young mother and wife. Soccer, cheerleading, Hospital Auxiliary…I was even a DJ on the local public radio station. I had a 4000 square foot garden and boarded horses. I canned, baked our bread, made yoghurt and tofu as well as chopped wood for the wood stove we heated our house with. Throw in the time I volunteered at a local Arabian farm in exchange for my daughter’s riding lessons and the fact that my kids are nearly 16 years apart and my husband at the time was a doctor and rarely at home, my life was crazy. I felt like that guy on the Ed Sullivan Show who spun 20 plates on sticks and tried to keep them from falling. I exercised like a fiend for stress reduction but eventually it all came apart and the plates crashed to the ground.
\nIt took a lot of work to put all those pieces back together and I protect my sanity like a mother bear protecting her cubs. I know all too well how easily life can tip out of balance. When I feel the storms of stress rumbling at the edges of my consciousness, I know it’s time to pull back and take a seat deep within. When my mind starts to chatter and criticize, I pray. I meditate. I become the one who listens…the one who hears the chatter. I remind myself that the chatterbox in my mind is not “me”. It is thought. Thoughts come and go. I am always here. When I can sit with that, my mind quiets down and I can just BE. In the present. In this moment. I don’t worry about what happened before…I don’t predict what will happen next. I just retreat to my inner sanctuary for a while. It’s very refreshing and life affirming. It takes practice and becomes easier when you reach “a certain age”. I think we remember that time when we were children. That time before the big people told us what, and what not to believe.
\nYesterday’s drive (note the bighorn sheep that was right beside the road) and subsequent soak in the local hot springs was just such an event. As I sat in my car with TOW-Wanda hooked up and ready, I spent a few moments getting still and taking in the amazing views from my friend’s property. I closed my eyes and concentrated on my breathing. I listened to the Earth below me speak her wisdom. As I opened my eyes, there….flying directly at my windshield, not twenty feet away, was a young bald eagle. He swept right by my window, pulling up at the last possible moment. I smiled at the rush of energy that swept through me. I was ready to move into the next room in my soul.
\nAhhhh…Spring cleaning.
\n", "date_published": "2014-04-05T01:30:59-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/04/05/balance.html", "tags": ["Colorado","Grief","Camping","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Courage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/04/04/a-moment-in-time.html", "title": "A Moment in Time", "content_html": "![\"Mesa](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/a4fa4b7f17.jpg\")
“A Moment in Time”
I woke up to six inches of wet snow yesterday morning. The only good thing about that (besides the much needed moisture) is that snow doesn’t hang around long this time of year. When I looked out, I noticed my friend Sue was still at home. About then she texted me to see if I was up yet. I went in for coffee and we sat in front of the wall of windows watching a gazillion birds at the many feeders they have.
\nSue was supposed to go to work today but the weather kept her in. Once things cleared a little, we decided to head up to Mesa Verde to see the ruins. They had about a foot of snow up there and it was beautiful!
\nWhile wandering around it became apparent that I am not in shape. I was huffing and puffing and had to sit down whenever I found a bench. Granted, we were up pretty high, but that doesn’t excuse me for letting myself get like this. I spent the winter writing (and eating) and now that it’s Spring, I’m going to get out and walk. Who’s up for a challenge? Anyone want to form a walking club? We can walk “together” for encouragement. :-)
\nThis moment in time is all we have. Let’s make the most of it, ok?
\n", "date_published": "2014-04-04T01:30:16-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/04/04/a-moment-in-time.html", "tags": ["Colorado","Grief","Hope","Camping","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Courage","Fitness Friday"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/04/03/happiness.html", "title": "Happiness", "content_html": "![\"happiness](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/cd545d8f81.jpg\")
“Happiness Depends Upon Ourselves” Aristotle
Aristotle got it. Why is it, all these many years later, we still struggle with this? Granted, Aristotle didn’t have to worry about global warming, or airplanes crashing into buildings, or the stock market collapsing. He wasn’t bombarded by Madison Avenue or the 9:00 News. If he had children, they weren’t clamoring for the latest electronics or doing drugs under the bleachers. Still, he understood the nature of happiness. It comes from within. He understood this even though, I am sure, he had personal losses and disappointments.
\nBut, what happens when you call for your old friend…happiness…and it seems she’s moved out. She didn’t leave a forwarding address. You just can’t find her anywhere, no matter how hard you try. You muddle along, that dark cloud hanging over your head. Your friends are long past caring to hear, yet again, how fabulous your loved one was. Your loved ones are thinking, “Come on, already…get over it!” Maybe they’re even telling you that…out loud! You want to stand up and say some pretty choice epithets. Yes, happiness comes from within. So does sadness. So does grief. So do all of our emotions. They originate in thoughts. And when the thoughts change, the emotions will follow…when you’re ready.
\nHappiness depends upon ourselves. Four little words that pack a wallop. Be patient if yours is AWOL. It will return.
\n", "date_published": "2014-04-03T01:30:22-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/04/03/happiness.html", "tags": ["Colorado","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Camping","Wisdom"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/04/02/mr-virgos-photography.html", "title": "Mr. Virgo's Photography", "content_html": "![\"artistic](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/0efbe048f3.jpg\")
“Mr. Virgo’s Photography”
Today is my beautiful #2 daughter’s 24th birthday! Happy birthday, sweetheart…I love you so much!!!
\nI spent a pretty mellow day yesterday sitting in TOW-Wanda listening to music, writing, gazing out at the view watching the prairie dogs chasing each other around the field. It was windy again and pretty chilly. I went in to Dolores to pick up some supplies. They have the cutest little market there with homemade pies and lots of natural foods. Farm fresh eggs!
\nI know I waited till the last minute, but I tried late Sunday night to sign up for insurance. I have COBRA through Mr. Virgo’s employer but man…it is SO expensive. With the deadline looming, I thought I should check it out to see if I could get something more affordable. I have heard such horror stories about the system and how confusing and difficult it is to navigate. My friend Sue encouraged me to try so I went on the website and called at the same time. I figured that would cover my bases. I must admit, the website for Colorado is a bit confusing. I was on hold for an hour when they came on and took my name and number because there was currently a five hour wait. They asked for a time they could call me on Tuesday and told me that because I had made the attempt before the cutoff time, I would still be able to apply. They called exactly when they told me they would and they took my information. The whole process was extremely easy and I was covered within 20 minutes. MUCH cheaper than the COBRA coverage which will be greatly appreciated. And, I can keep my regular doctor. I am so grateful!
\nI worked on my book for most of the day. That always leaves me feeling a bit melancholy thinking about my man. For the most part, I do really well these days. But when you are immersed in it for a period of time, you can’t help but stir up deep seated feelings. I went through my collection of photos Mr. Virgo took through the years. This one is one of my favorites. It’s like a painting. He took this when we lived in Denver. The light was perfect and made the reds in our sofa as well as his holster really glow. When I got rid of his guns, these were two that I kept. They were his favorites and remind me of him. A mountain man in a suit. A cowboy in a 5 Star hotel. He was so rich and deep. My love for him is a bottomless well…a source of great comfort in his absence. I miss him so.
\n", "date_published": "2014-04-02T01:30:23-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/04/02/mr-virgos-photography.html", "tags": ["Family","Travel","Grief","Hope","TOW-Wanda!","The Grand Adventure","Gratitude"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/04/01/solitude.html", "title": "Solitude", "content_html": "![\"solitude](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/2ae724ab8c.jpg\")
“Solitude”
Last night I went to a reception honoring a local woman for her recent induction in the Colorado Women’s Hall of Fame. Afterwards, Sue and I met a friend of hers for dinner then we all headed to see the documentary film “Walking the Camino”. The Camino de Santiago is a pilgrimage that takes you from the south of France across Spain. You walk 800 kilometers (497 miles!). The film followed six people as they made the trek, each for their own reasons. There were two gentlemen friends in their 70’s down to a 3 year old trekking with his mother. (SHE was my hero!) The scenery was amazing. The struggles, and blisters, were true tests of the mettle of the brave souls who look inward during this journey. We all left ready to fill a backpack and go. Sue’s friend IS going…in September. She lost her beloved husband 2 years ago and this is her breakout moment, her change of course. Wow…I so admire her! This takes guts and determination and strength…physical, mental, emotional, spiritual. I may have to save up for this.
\nMeanwhile, back at the ranch, there has been a HUGE hatch of miller moth cutworms and they are EVERYWHERE! I read online that they really come out at night to feed and they weren’t kidding. I walked out to the trailer when we got home late last night and the ground was littered with them. Ooooogy.
\nWe are expecting snow Wednesday afternoon and Thursday. I’m going to move the trailer out of the field because I could get stuck in all this red dirt which will turn to clay.
\nHappy April Fool’s Day! My Pop-Pop was born 115 years ago today.
\n", "date_published": "2014-04-01T01:30:06-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/04/01/solitude.html", "tags": ["Colorado","Grief","Camping","Growth","Comfort","Courage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/03/30/the-traveler.html", "title": "The Traveler", "content_html": "![\"traveler](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/7bd0a52072.jpg\")
“The Traveler”
I arrived in Durango Friday afternoon and took my friend Sue’s yoga class. Man, I am so out of shape but it was fun. We visited and I met one of her friends when we stopped for tea afterwards. By the time we were done, it was getting late so we stayed at a place she is house sitting for. I slept in TOW-Wanda at the curb. I’ve become accustomed to my own bed and every time I sleep in her, the price per night goes down! ;-)
\nSue and I had tea yesterday morning and did a yoga practice before heading out to her house. I got the trailer all set up then four of us headed to Hovenweep National Monument. We did a beautiful hike around the cliffs and Ancient Puebloan (formerly referred to as Anasazi) ruins. A little picnic out on a rock at the edge of the canyon was delightful. We came home and Sue fixed a wonderful vegetarian dinner and I excused myself early to go out to the trailer and make a few phone calls, read, and hit the hay. Exercise, sunshine, and fresh air leading to a great night’s sleep in the desert. What a fun, fun day!
\n(Photo taken at Hovenweep.)
\n", "date_published": "2014-03-30T01:30:50-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/03/30/the-traveler.html", "tags": ["Colorado","Travel","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","TOW-Wanda!","Camping","Fun","Growth","goRVing","God","Courage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/03/29/procrastination.html", "title": "Procrastination", "content_html": "![\"procrastination](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/0d7a8d41e0.jpg\")
“Procrastination”
Hi. My name is Ginny and I’m a procrastinator. Ok, the first step is to admit you have a problem. I am powerless over time. No matter how hard I try, I cannot manipulate it. It will not bend at my every whim. I can’t make more of it. I spend it like it grows on trees. Time waits for no (wo)man. I know what needs to be done. I spend hours on Pinterest organizing my life. The irony is not lost on me. So, when will I actually DO it?
\nI lament over cellulitic thighs, but do I watch my diet? Exercise? No. I whine that my money slips through my hands, but do I write up a budget and stick to it? Not very well. I crawl over boxes of junk in my studio and garage, but do I get rid of the load I carry? Hardly.
\nSo…what’s my problem? I mean, I don’t consider myself lazy. I am busy all the time. I just don’t like the execution phase of activities that are boring and repetitious. My high school chum just announced she had finished organizing all of her (and her mother’s) photographs in chronological order and put them into albums. Oh, dear golly…just shoot me now! I’d rather have a root canal. Hmmmm, not really. I’d rather be camping! See? There’s my problem. I’m addicted to fun!
\nHi, my name is Ginny and I’m addicted to fun. I can live with that.
\n", "date_published": "2014-03-29T01:30:31-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/03/29/procrastination.html", "tags": ["Grief","Growth","Courage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/03/24/on-the-road-again.html", "title": "On the Road Again!!!", "content_html": "![\"road](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/240361d485.jpg\")
“Take me on a ROAD TRIP!”
After a fun few days with the grandkids, this Nana is hitting the open road this morning! I’m heading south and cruising through Colorado, New Mexico, Arizona, and Utah. I’m going to hit every hot springs I can find and will post lots of pics and stories from the road!
\nTOW-Wanda!!!
\n", "date_published": "2014-03-24T01:30:17-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/03/24/on-the-road-again.html", "tags": ["Grief","Hope","Camping","Fun","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","goRVing","Grace","Courage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/03/23/touching-lives-touching-hearts.html", "title": "Touching Lives. Touching Hearts.", "content_html": "![\"touching](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/3cf5ddabe7.jpg\")
“Touching Lives. Touching Hearts.”
A friend of mine is a widow of seven years and works as a grief counselor for a donor/transplant organization. Her job is to comfort and guide people in their grief as they deal with the complicated topic of tissue and organ donation. As with much of this grief journey, I had no real concept of what this subject would actually FEEL like when the time came to make decisions. As it turns out, my decision was ultimately made for me. Mr. Virgo had spent a good deal of time in Europe in the 70’s and early 80’s and therefore could not have organs or tissue harvested because of the possibility he had been exposed to ‘mad cow disease’. I wish part of him could have been used. The only thing they would have taken would have been his corneas because of his age. He would have wanted to help another and I was so disappointed.
\nMy friend had a beautiful experience recently when she gathered a donor family and the five recipients of the donated organs. The family wanted to hear their son’s heart as it beat in the chest of another. What courage! What love! What a selfless act of kindness…on both their parts.
\nWe never know how many lives we may touch when we are generous…with our hearts. With our kindness. With our words. I know you have all touched my life. Perhaps our paths will cross someday and you and I will meet. And we will listen to each other’s hearts.
\n", "date_published": "2014-03-23T01:30:48-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/03/23/touching-lives-touching-hearts.html", "tags": ["Grief","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Courage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/03/22/purging.html", "title": "Purging", "content_html": "![\"purging](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/cef8db2f04.jpg\")
“Thinking about lightening the load.”
Well, ok….THINKING about purging. It’s sort of the same thing, isn’t it? I mean, you gotta have a plan, right? I have WAY too much stuff! About 14 years ago I was living in an apartment…a tiny little place with practically nothing in it. Only what I needed or considered beautiful. It was so peaceful and cozy. So now, 14 years later, I’ve accumulated stuff that no one in their right mind would want. Why? What changed? Part of the problem is Mr. Virgo liked to shop as much as I do. He was always ordering something. But it wasn’t just him. I am a certified retail therapist. Really. But I am tired of all the stuff. I’m going to start purging and sell off a ton of stuff. Just THINKING about it makes me feel better! lol
\n", "date_published": "2014-03-22T01:30:32-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/03/22/purging.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Growth","New Ideas","Gratitude","Grace","Courage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/03/20/cant-wait.html", "title": "Can't Wait!!!", "content_html": "![\"wander](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/ddf0c4228a.jpg\")
“Not all who wander are lost.” JRR Tolkein
This was taken last summer up at Steamboat Lake above Steamboat Springs. I am chomping at the bit to get on the road! I just found out (after 3 hours making travel plans this morning) that both of my kids are off for spring break next week. I’m changing my plans so I can spend time with them and leave for my road trip a little later than I was going to! Can’t pass up family time!
\n", "date_published": "2014-03-20T01:30:38-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/03/20/cant-wait.html", "tags": ["Colorado","Family","Grief","Camping","Fun","Growth","Gratitude","goRVing","Courage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/03/19/live-every-day-of-your.html", "title": "Live Every Day of Your Life!", "content_html": "![\"live](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/b7a5ab393f.jpg\")
“Live Every Day of Your Life!”
There were SO many days in the year following Mr. Virgo’s death that took absolutely every ounce of strength I could muster to get out of bed. And, I have to admit, there were a handful when I failed. I couldn’t face taking a shower or anything, even though I knew full well I would feel better if I did. Something in me didn’t WANT to feel better on those days. Not in a defeatist sort of way, but I needed to feel my worst so I could get it out of me. I knew enough not to let it go on too long. Only once did I allow two days in a row to be totally eaten up by wailing into my pillows with a box of tissues and an iPod full of sappy country music. For the most part, I was determined to live the days for Mr. Virgo who was denied so many. To live them for my family. And, eventually, to live them for myself.
\nI wrote this down….“Get up and LIVE!” There were days, weeks…heck, MONTHS it wasn’t easy. But I swore I wouldn’t waste what God so graciously gives me every morning. Every day that I’m on the right side of the grass is a GOOD day! And some days, I still may take a “rest easy” day. Just because the first year anniversary has passed, doesn’t mean a magical switch was thrown and I’m over it all.
\nBut, how do you make it happen when all you want to do is pull the covers over your head and listen to Linda Ronstadt and Aaron Neville sing “Goodbye, My Friend” for the umpteenth time? How many times do you have to ignore the phone ringing because it means coming back to the land of the living and you don’t remember how to breathe? The answer is, of course, however many times it takes, but there are things you can do that can help. Things I didn’t know heading into this, but I think they may help others who are walking this path.
\nWrite down a list of everyone who tells you “Call me, anytime…day or night.” Write their numbers down beside their name. Then, when you DO need to talk, don’t call the same person every time. Give others the opportunity to feel useful. And, by calling different people each time, you aren’t “wearing out your welcome.” so to speak.
\nAsk for help when you need it. I found it especially helpful to ask friends to have a meal with me once in a while or sometimes I’d go days and just eat cereal, if anything.
\nOn a good day, write down activities you have always wanted to try, movies you would like to see, friends you would like to visit, places you would like to travel. Keep a copy in your purse and on the fridge. That way, the ideas are there when you’re lost and can’t find your way.
\nPut something joyful in front of you that you can look forward to. For me, it was buying my little travel trailer. For you, it could be planning a trip or fixing up a room in your house as a special sanctuary. If you have nothing joyful to look forward to, time will stretch before you interminably.
\nFind a couple of your favorite pictures of your loved one and have them blown up and printed as 8x10’s. You can use a great app like Kicksend, choose your photo and size, and send them to someplace like Target to be printed. You can often pick up cute frames there on sale when the photos are done. I avoided doing this for 10 months because I thought it would hurt too much. But, I can’t tell you the comfort it gave me to have these big pictures all around my bedroom. I wish I would have done it months before.
\nThese are just a few ways you can help yourself LIVE every day. If you have trouble thinking of more, just ask me or a trusted friend or family member to help you with your list. You WILL live again. You WILL laugh again. It won’t be the same, but if it were…if we did not grieve and mourn…we would not be human.
\n<3 Ginny
\n", "date_published": "2014-03-19T01:30:53-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/03/19/live-every-day-of-your.html", "tags": ["Grief","Hope","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Courage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/03/13/springtime-in-the-rockies.html", "title": "Springtime in the Rockies", "content_html": "![\"camper](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/5c337b34c8.jpg\")
“Springtime in the Rockies”
I headed to the lake Sunday afternoon. I needed to be alone with my thoughts and memories. The anniversary of Mr. Virgo’s death has come and gone. I loved being in the trailer alone. I talked to him. I cried for him. I wrote…and read…and prayed…and napped. I stared at the water and the birds. I listened to the wind and the geese. And I let it go. This year. This awful, heart-breaking, life-changing yet beautiful, blessed year. This change came from a 12 month gestation to birth a different version of me. Older, wiser, deeper. Grief knocked off some of those sharp edges and has humbled me in ways I never knew. And now? Now I’m ready to face whatever comes my way! I’m ready to tackle new projects. Travel to new places. Finish writing my book. Keep writing here. Take more pictures. Make more jewelry. Enter speaker training (not all who train are chosen, but it is a skill I can use anyway!). Paint. Learn. Grow. Teach. Fish. Hike. Camp.
\nLife is a precious gift. I don’t want to miss one single moment of it. So, I’m heading off to watch my grandchildren sing in the chorus of their first stage production!!!
\nI’ll get back to you from the road!
\n<3 Ginny
\n", "date_published": "2014-03-13T01:30:18-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/03/13/springtime-in-the-rockies.html", "tags": ["Colorado","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Hope","Positive Energy","TOW-Wanda!","Camping","The Grand Adventure","Growth","goRVing","Wisdom","Courage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/03/12/one-year-gone.html", "title": "One Year Gone", "content_html": "![\"handsome](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/146b0c19d4.jpg\")
“My Handsome Mr. Virgo”
I miss you. I sense you around every corner. I hear your laughter in the mountain stream as I bait my hook. I see your smile in the pink glow of the setting sun. I smell you on your jacket…earth, tobacco, leather. I feel your touch with the noonday sun on my shoulders.
\nI miss you. I taste your lips in an olive and bread and pomegranates. I remember our only dance. I ache for the memory to come alive, for just a moment, so I can hold you once again in my arms, feeling our bodies sway in time with the music.
\nI miss you. I miss the intensity of your blue eyes when you told me I was adored. The way they crinkled when you told a funny story. The way they looked off in the distance toward the mountains, yearning to be off in the woods.
\nI miss you. The cup of coffee in bed. The hand on the small of my back leading me to the table at our favorite restaurant. Holding hands in the car. The sound of your voice when you called me your baby doll.
\nI miss you. The cigar on the golf course. The Tuesday drives. The history and opera lessons. The stories…ahhhh, the stories.
\nI miss you. The romantic greeting cards. The surprise orchids. The hand extended across the table between courses. The soft breathing by my side.
\nI miss you. The pretend boxing matches in the kitchen. The tickles. The bear hugs. The warm chocolate chip cookies. The sweetness of your smile in the dark.
\nI miss you. Oh, I miss you so much my breath gets caught in my chest. I miss you with the tears that stung just behind my eyes when I found your note…“Happy Valentine’s Day, my Love!” I miss you in the birdsong out my window, the call of the elk bugling across the valley, in the sunrise you were so fond of.
\nToday, I will miss you with the white heat of the sun. Today, my heart will break open yet again. Today, my pain will sear my brain and paralyze me with fear. And tomorrow? Tomorrow, my sweet Mr. Virgo, I will begin the next chapter. I will spread my wings and fly. I will be strong, and brave, and courageous. I will step out of my comfort zone and live the life God intends me to live.
\nBut, for today….I miss you.
\n", "date_published": "2014-03-12T01:30:04-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/03/12/one-year-gone.html", "tags": ["Family","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Love","Courage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/03/11/the-widowmaker.html", "title": "The Widowmaker", "content_html": "![\"coronary](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/2433a41182.jpg\")
“The Widowmaker”
As many of you know, Mr. Virgo died one year ago tomorrow. He certainly seemed healthy except for a fairly large weight loss in the months leading up to his death. He attributed that to being too busy during ski season to sit down and eat. Also, his dentures were still new and it hurt him to eat.
\nOn the morning of March 12th, we drove to Grand Junction to look at travel trailers. Standing in the fourth one, he had a massive heart attack and was dead in 3 hours. He had what is called The Widowmaker which is a sudden and complete blockage of his anterior descending artery. The cardiologist in the ER kept turning to me and reminding me it was “grave”. He mentioned there is an increase in heart attacks with the time change. This is due to a challenge to the circadian rhythms that regulate everything in our bodies from sleep to cardiac rhythm.
\nMr. Virgo was a stubborn man. He might wince at a hangnail and at the same time downplay that pain in his left shoulder. He refused to have the complete physical his doctor recommended just three months before. So, as they say, the rest is history.
\nI suggest you schedule a physical this time every year. If you are having ANY cardiac symptoms, don’t try to be a tough guy….get checked! You just might be saving your own life and preventing, or postponing at least, the heartbreak your death will cause those who are left behind. Here is a link for an explanation of this type of heart attack.
\nhttp://blog.myheart.net/2013/12/19/the-widowmaker/
\n", "date_published": "2014-03-11T01:30:19-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/03/11/the-widowmaker.html", "tags": ["Grief","Strong Women","Wisdom","Aging","Warning"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/03/10/my-journey.html", "title": "My Journey", "content_html": "![\"journey](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/137bd30b22.jpg\")
“My Journey”
This has been a life changing year. The life I had planned, the one that included growing old with Mr. Virgo, ended abruptly a year ago this Wednesday. I sat in limbo, somewhere between then and now, in a fog of pain and self-doubt but filled with the determination that not only would I survive this challenge, I would thrive. There have been ups and downs, ins and outs, feelings of cowardice and courage. By the Grace of God…here I am. Open, filled with a joyful spirit, and ever, EVER grateful for all that I have. My life is abundant. I wrote this yesterday to post this morning. I already have Tuesday and Wednesday’s messages scheduled to post because today I am retreating with TOW-Wanda for a couple of days. I need to be alone with my thoughts and my memories. I need to just BE. I’ll be back Wednesday and will tell you all about it in Thursday’s post. That will be the first day of the rest of my life. I’m good. Don’t worry. I just want to be alone for a bit.
\nLove you all so much!
\n<3 Ginny
\n", "date_published": "2014-03-10T01:30:22-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/03/10/my-journey.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","God","Courage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/03/07/growing-up.html", "title": "Growing Up", "content_html": "![\"vintage](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/ead88e6486.jpg\")
“Growing Up…that’s my mama, back row, far right.”
I’m sure most of you will relate to this to some extent…I feel like I’ve grown up more in the last year than I have in my whole life. Widowhood forces you to really look deep at yourself, your core values, your beliefs, your goals. A friend of mind told me today that nothing strikes fear in your heart more than death and money. That is so true.
\nI was talking with one of my best friends the other night. I was telling him there has only been a couple of years in my life that I took care of myself (and my child) all on my own. The rest of the time, I’ve had a partner to share the burden with me. I’ve been a “kept woman” for most of my adult life. I was always grateful. I wasn’t always appreciative. And, in the long run, it did not serve me well.
\nI am fortunate to have at least some money to allow me to have taken this past year to regroup. I was not nearly as careful with my money as I should have been. I’ve spoken to many other widows who say the same thing, so it’s not just me. We’ve all made financial mistakes. The best you can hope for is that they were not disastrous.
\nThere are other mistakes we make and we wonder if we learned ANYTHING in our younger years. We have jumped into relationships too fast. We have given things away too soon. We thought we were sane. Ha! Medically speaking, there are many similarities between grief and pathology. In other words, we really can be pretty crazy when we are actively grieving.
\nOne of the first things I was told was “Do NOT make big, life changing decisions in the first year.” For the most part, I stuck to that. I went to a financial advisor and she drew up a great plan. It’s not that I ignored it, per se. I just couldn’t see how it pertained to me. I know…crazy. I’ve said this before, but I can almost pinpoint on the calendar the exact day I came out of the fog and realized I’d spent too much money. It was devastating. Don’t get me wrong, I’m ok. I’m not losing my house or anything like that. There’s still enough of the life insurance left to get by for a year if I’m frugal. I am very grateful. But, I’ve definitely made mistakes.
\nNow I’m at that point in my life where I’m going to have to do something to bring in money. I need to re-learn the skills I had as a young, single mom so I can support myself. I know, I know…I’m 60 years old, right? It’s almost embarrassing that I am just now doing this. So, unless I WIN Powerball (which I hear you actually have to buy tickets for! Who knew?), or some extremely wealthy benefactor comes along and offers to take care of me, I’m going to have to get a real J-O-B. Gosh…I’m such a princess…really, I am.
\nFor sale: One very well used tiara! Inquire within.
\n", "date_published": "2014-03-07T02:30:02-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/03/07/growing-up.html", "tags": ["Family","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Growth","Courage","Aging"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/03/06/vision.html", "title": "Vision", "content_html": "![\"princess](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/540bae1614.jpg\")
“Vision”
Sometimes, I feel…if I could just concentrate enough, I could see him. As if there is a thin veil between where I exist and where Mr. Virgo exists and it’s just a bit too thick to see through. Or, if I close my eyes and really listen, really concentrate, I could hear his voice. Then I realize, that’s not likely to happen. Not in reality, anyway.
\nI read the other day that hallucinations are fairly common in grief and I wonder if that is the pragmatists’ way of dismissing the paranormal. I have heard numerous stories of people seeing and hearing their loved one after they die. A friend of mine saw his wife three days after she died. She told him, rather forcefully, to take his medicine. Mr. Virgo turned me around and told me to shut the bedroom window three days after he died. My aunt was standing at the airport when my grandpa tapped her on the shoulder moments after he died five states away. I saw my grandpa twice after he died.
\nI haven’t seen Mr. Virgo. Not in a recognizable, physical way. I’ve sensed him nearby. But not for quite a while. Maybe a part of him stayed here for awhile to comfort me in the weeks after his death. Maybe I was hallucinating in the depths of my grief. I don’t think there are any of us who wouldn’t want just one last visit. One last cup of coffee. One last conversation. One last kiss…
\n", "date_published": "2014-03-06T02:30:14-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/03/06/vision.html", "tags": ["Grief","Comfort","Grace","Courage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/03/05/forgiveness.html", "title": "Forgiveness", "content_html": "![\"proverbs](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/7217a02a3a.jpg\")
“Proverbs of Solomon”
I learned last night that one of my friends can curse like a sailor. I learned this after sharing a private message that one of Mr. Virgo’s cousins send to me. When I first saw his name pop up, I was thrilled. I hadn’t heard from him in quite a while. Imagine my utter shock when the message I received was callous and hurtful. He was on a rant because I had relayed stories here on FB about Mr. Virgo’s military record, and some other family stories, that he said was, if not a gross exaggeration, were outright lies and he was insulted. He asked me to please leave his family out of my blog posts and to unfriend him. I was stunned. First of all, I only repeated the stories Mr. Virgo told me. I did not exaggerate or lie. Second, I have a drawer full of medals from Vietnam and I know they were my husband’s. Could Mr. Virgo have embellished his stories? I must concede the possibility. But he was a good and honorable man and I choose to believe him.
\nWhat kind of cruel, heartless person lashes out at a grieving widow one week before the anniversary of her husband’s death? I was devastated and sobbed for hours last evening. Then I recalled the bible verse above. I prayed for my husband’s cousin and I forgave him for hurting me and told him so. I feel so sorry for someone like that. Then I unfriended him. We didn’t know each other anyway so it isn’t a great loss in my life. Just an excellent opportunity to walk in the Word and pray for someone with pain.
\n", "date_published": "2014-03-05T02:30:16-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/03/05/forgiveness.html", "tags": ["Grief","Anger","Forgiveness","Courage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/03/05/resurrection.html", "title": "Resurrection", "content_html": "![\"man](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/2153440a4d.jpg\")
“What if they came back?”
No, not in the Christian sense. There is a new show starting March 9th…two days before the anniversary of Mr. Virgo’s death. It’s called “The Resurrection” and it’s about people coming back from the dead. Science fiction. Apparently it’s being advertised pretty heavily. I’m glad I don’t watch TV.
\nWhen I first read about it, I thought “That’s something Mr. Virgo and I might have watched together and enjoyed.” Then I went to the website and saw stills of the actors, with the stunned looks on their faces as they “saw” their loved ones lost for the first time. A look of disbelief, hope, relief. I felt my heart twist. Did these program developers give any thought to how their show might be received by those who are grieving? Apparently not.
\nHow do you feel about “The Resurrection”? Will you watch it? At what point does our armor get so thick things like this cannot penetrate our hearts?
\n", "date_published": "2014-03-05T02:30:13-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/03/05/resurrection.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Grief"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/03/03/giving.html", "title": "Giving", "content_html": "![\"guitar](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/d9d4559f4c.jpg\")
“Mr. Virgo’s Guitar”
I’ve given most of Mr. Virgo’s clothes away. I still have some things that really remind me of him that I want to keep. A shirt. A couple of sweaters. His glorious leather bomber jacket that I wear sometimes that still smells of tobacco and Halston. I’m not sorry I gave those things away. My closet space doubled and that was probably the easiest of all the adjustments I’ve had to make this year.
\nSeveral years ago, Mr. Virgo got it in his head that he wanted to learn to play blues guitar. Next thing I knew, there was a beautiful Ibanez guitar with a hard case and an amp living with us. Alas, try as he might, the arthritis in his hands kept him from playing. The guitar hung in our dining room for a few years and eventually made it into a closet. There it stayed…till last Friday.
\nI don’t play well but if it had been acoustic, I would have kept it. I would have tried again to learn. There is an alternative high school here that has a wonderful music program. I love the students and their teacher. I decided to donate the guitar and amp to them.
\nI delivered it to the school Friday. A beautiful, talented young man tuned it up, plugged it in, and started playing a song for me. I cried. I told them about this epic love story and they cried.
\nIt was a beautiful day.
\n", "date_published": "2014-03-03T02:30:11-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/03/03/giving.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Growth","Love"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/02/25/grief-vs-mourning.html", "title": "Grief vs. Mourning", "content_html": "![\"ocean](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/047576b4a2.jpg\")
“Be Still, My Soul”
We have talked a great deal about grief over the last few months, but the subject of mourning has never come up. They are two separate and distinct parts of dealing with loss, be it through death or divorce, or the loss of something significant in your life….a pet, a job, health. Grief is the private, personal experience of the feelings surrounding the loss. It’s the inner pain and how you deal with it. Mourning is the outward expression of your grief…tears, anger, the way you talk about your loss publicly or with a trusted friend or family member.
\nThe way we mourn is just as individual as the way we grieve. One of my dearest friends came to visit last week. She stayed at my house while she was in town for a conference. Sue is my Earth-Mother yogi sister-friend whom I have had the honor of knowing for the past 25 years. She is family. When she came down the first morning, she made her tea and came into the bedroom to sit on my bed for our “sister confidentials”…those moments when we get down to how we’re both REALLY doing in this crazy world. She looked at me and said, “So…are you really ok or are you just telling us that?” She will not allow me the self-indulgence of a lie. I assured her, I really am doing well. Had she been sitting on my bed three days later, it would have been an entirely different answer. This is the nature of grief. But she wasn’t there with me this time to mourn. She has been in the past.
\nI am so grateful for the network of friends and family I have in my life. God has brought me exactly those people who support me in exactly the ways I need. I have met some wonderful women through Marshmallow Ranch who have now become close, personal friends. One is actually a grief counselor and was instrumental in buoying me back up after the most recent wave of grief overtook me. Another is my sister-friend and future business partner who calls or texts at just the right moment. One is a high school friend who gives me excellent advice and will sit on the phone and listen to me cry for 10 hours if that is what I need. These wonderful people mourn with me. We talk about Mr. Virgo. We talk about my past, my present, and my future. We laugh together. They listen without trying to change my direction. They are patient and kind and gentle. They are the perfect support system. When I no longer need them to hold the umbrella, we will sing in the rain. And then the sun will come out again.
\nI found this reference today while researching the difference between grief and mourning. I would suggest you read it when you get the chance.
\n\n", "date_published": "2014-02-25T02:30:47-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/02/25/grief-vs-mourning.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Growth"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/02/23/bridges.html", "title": "Bridges", "content_html": "![\"golden](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/c74ba6e142.jpg\")
“Bridges”
My heart is tender. My feelings lie on the surface like pebbles on a beach, washed over by the waves of grief till they are worn smooth. Gone are the jagged shards of a broken heart only to be replaced by one so tender and bruised that I tend to want to keep it safely tucked away, untouched. At the same time, I yearn for companionship. It’s a tightrope I walk blindfolded, praying there is a net and I’ll get to the other side. I have so many interests that have come along since Mr. Virgo died. I am not willing to give those up for anyone at this point. The good news is, there is no hurry…time is unimportant in grief.
\nI have been expanding my social network the last couple of months. With the new year came new friendships and reunions with old friends I hadn’t seen in years. Connections are being made that will promote my writing and offer new opportunities for speaking engagements. Friendships are being forged and strengthened that offer me comfort and joy. I have a business idea in mind with one friend. Another friend and I are going to plan a women’s retreat at her property. I am being called to speak for a women’s ministry. Bridges are being built between the dark pain of the last year and the bright light of a new life. I am taking steps out on that bridge, a little bit at a time, till I trust it won’t spill me into the chasm below. The walls are tumbling down.
\nThis is good. I am exploring who I am and what I want my life to look like. I have choices and I’m allowing myself to make them. I’m allowing myself to feel. I’m allowing myself time. My network is expanding providing a web of support and love. Yes…this is good.
\nBreathe deep…walk slowly…pick your head up. You are beautiful and strong.
\n", "date_published": "2014-02-23T02:30:23-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/02/23/bridges.html", "tags": ["Grief","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Courage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/02/19/out-and-about.html", "title": "Out and About", "content_html": "![\"dinner](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/32b5954329.jpg\")
“Dinner with Friends”
One of my dear readers told me the other day that she couldn’t go out for dinner by herself. She gets take out and goes home to eat alone. I understand that. It’s hard to be one in a world built for two. It can be intimidating to go out alone. I was married to a busy doctor for a long time so I was used to going out without him. Of course, I had a child with me, but it set a pattern. This served me well as I now have no problem going anywhere alone. My advice to my gentle reader was to take baby steps. Find an area coffee shop and take a good book. Even better, find a book store with a coffee shop in it. There’s bound to be plenty of people around and they will never notice you are unaccompanied. Sit near a window so you can daydream and people watch to keep your mind occupied. Carry enough cash with you to cover the bill and tip in case you can’t take it and have to make a dash for it. Try to do this at least once a week and don’t go to the same shop more than twice in a row. This will start a pattern of seeking new and interesting surroundings. You can go to a movie or a great art gallery alone. People do it all the time. Until you get brave enough to go at night, afternoons are perfect.
\nMy problem is forgetting who I can call to join me when I would like company. I went to a poetry reading the other night. I was sitting at dinner, alone, when I sent a friend a text to see if she was going. She wasn’t going to go but said if I would, she would. I hadn’t seen her in years and she suggested calling her to have dinner next time. I’m going to make a note on my iPhone of the names and numbers of friends I can call when I want company. It’s less intimidating than the contact list.
\nSo, get out there, sunshine! One little baby step at a time, till you’re going on a grand adventure of your own!
\n", "date_published": "2014-02-19T02:30:52-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/02/19/out-and-about.html", "tags": ["Grief","Growth","Grace","Fear","Courage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/02/18/courage.html", "title": "Courage", "content_html": "![\"goldfish](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/89d2bc28cb.jpg\")
“Courage”
Someone responded to one of my posts the other day that I was the bravest person she knew. My first thought was, “Oh, I wonder who she’s talking about?” Then I realized it was ME she was referring to. It gave me a chance to reflect on how far I’ve come in this journey. As the time is slipping ever closer to the Angel-versary date of Mr. Virgo’s death, I am finding myself introspective…more so than usual.
\nCourage. Strength. Grace. These are things that are slippery. Just when you think you have grabbed the bull by the horns, it turns around and throws you to the ground. You have to get back up, dust yourself off and try again. Over and over and over again. When Mr. Virgo’s death was fresh, and I was paralyzed by grief, the act of getting up in the morning was one of great bravery. Going to the funeral was tantamount to facing the armies of a formidable enemy. That was the first block in the foundation I was building for this new life. And the next day, I laid another, then another and so on until I could breathe and function again. Some days, that block was cracked, uneven and broken. I had to chisel it back out and try again the next day. God stood patiently by, holding the bucket of mortar so that I could build this foundation by His strength when my own failed me miserably.
\nI feel God’s grace in my life daily. I feel I am walking the path He had planned for me long before I was an earthly thought. When you are living your life’s purpose, you are in alignment with your higher power. You resonate like a tuning fork. You glow. That’s where I am now in this journey. I am grateful for the strength, courage, grace, bravery…and for you, gentle people, who have held me up when I couldn’t stand on my own.
\nI love you all.
\n", "date_published": "2014-02-18T02:30:49-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/02/18/courage.html", "tags": ["Grief","Gratitude","Grace","Courage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/02/18/letting-go.html", "title": "Letting Go", "content_html": "![\"letting](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/0f5a617095.jpg\")
“Letting Go”
This has been on my mind for a little while now. Every day is bringing me closer to the end of this journey. Not the end of feelings or sudden waves of grief, but the end of the “Year of the Loss”. A year ago we were enjoying his day off together. We would have had breakfast, watched some TV, maybe gone out for a drive. We would have cooked dinner together. We would have laughed and hugged and held hands. And three weeks later, on his Tuesday off, he was gone.
\nLetting go. Letting go of what? My love for him? Never. I will always love him, just as I love my two other husbands. (Yes, I’ve taken up three women’s quotas in the husband department. Sorry.) My memories of him? The important ones will stick around close to the front. Others will eventually file towards the back of the room. I’ve already let go of his physical presence. I haven’t reached for him in the middle of the night in a long, long time.
\nSo, what else is there to let go of? Attachment. I know many women who will always and forever be “George’s wife” and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. It would have been unthinkable that my grandma would forsake her marriage after Pop-Pop died. She went on and lived 28 years without a man. My mom never dated after her divorce and lived another 24 years without a man. Maybe it’s because I have already suffered the loss of two marriages that makes the act of letting go something that can even be considered. Maybe it is the times we are living in that allow moving on to be more socially acceptable.
\nWill I ever actually marry again? I would like to…if it’s meant to be…if it’s the right guy…if our love is epic. In this day and age there are so many factors besides love and companionship to consider. There are finances and tax considerations nowadays that do not reward marriage. But, there are tenets in my faith that condemn cohabitation. Luckily, this is an issue I don’t need to solve today and hopefully, when God brings me another partner, we will be able to work it all out together. I know I won’t be alone forever. I don’t want to be.
\nI was forced by definition to let go of being married…well, at least by definition on certain forms. I’ll never forget someone saying shortly after Mr. Virgo died, “You’re not married anymore. Your husband died. You are a widow.” I was hurt and offended and angry that society was taking something away from me that I wasn’t ready to relinquish. I still say “My husband died.” But I just as often, if not more, refer to him as my late husband.
\nLetting go is a process. It is a choice. Choosing to let go is not something that should be judged by others. It’s like learning to walk all over again…you reach back for that hand that steadied you till you can do it on your own. And, if you are so blessed, a new hand appears.
\nPhoto courtesy of Humanity Healing.
\n", "date_published": "2014-02-18T02:30:40-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/02/18/letting-go.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Hope","Growth","Gratitude","Grace"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/02/17/money.html", "title": "Money", "content_html": "![\"writing](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/63e483ab91.jpg\")
“Money”
Is it just me or does this subject scare you to death, too? It seems like no matter how tight I draw the purse strings, money falls through my fingers faster than I would like. I’ve never been the best money manager and now I’m in a position where I have to learn what I really should have learned years ago. I’ll admit it…I’ve been a princess in the past and was pampered for far too long. I’ve been on food stamps living in HUD housing and I’ve been a wealthy doctor’s wife. I’ve been everywhere in between so I know I will survive under any conditions because God always provides me with exactly what I need. I’d just like to preserve what I have for as long as I can and leave something to my children and grandchildren. I am blessed…I am grateful. But at times, I get really frustrated…like today.
\nA few weeks after Mr. Virgo died, I cancelled his cell phone. He was under my account on our family plan. When I cancelled, I received the usual condolences but no one said anything about a Diamond Wireless contract. This is the loss insurance company. Mr. Virgo is the one who got the phone. He signed the papers. But a few weeks after canceling his number I received a letter from an attorney attempting to collect a bad debt. No phone calls, no communication of any kind. I called and they said since I cancelled within 180 days of him receiving the phone, I owed them a cancellation fee of over $500. I calmly explained the situation and they calmly explained to me that they were very sorry for my loss but a contract is a contract and it’s under my name. I took the letter to my attorney and she said she would send a letter and not to pay anything like that.
\nI thought that was the end of it till last week when I received another letter stating they were offering me a one-time chance of amnesty before they go to the court and put a tax lien on my house. This isn’t my first rodeo. I’ve received this threat before from other companies. And to be perfectly honest, it would cost me more in attorney’s fees than to just pay the darned thing and I think they know that. They are also well aware that we, as widows, don’t necessarily have the strength in us to fight these things. It is demoralizing to get a letter such as this. It is frustrating. It’s just one more reminder…“Yeah, well…we’re really sorry but the bottom line is, it’s all about the money.”
\nI paid it. It pisses me off, but that’s what the life insurance is for. Here it is, a year later and I still have to deal with this stuff. Will it ever be over?
\n", "date_published": "2014-02-17T02:30:37-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/02/17/money.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Growth","Gratitude","Fear"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/02/14/scar-tissue.html", "title": "Scar Tissue", "content_html": "![\"rose](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/8d3a52f67d.jpg\")
“Scar Tissue”
I graduated Wednesday. At the end of my session with my grief counsellor, we decided I don’t need to go back unless I feel the need. The goal of any therapy should be the time when you don’t need it.
\nWhen I first started this journey, the pain was bad…really bad. Then I went through a strong denial phase. I didn’t deny Mr. Virgo’s death. I denied my pain because I was afraid if I tried to take it in all at once, I would break open and pieces of me would fall away. So, I traveled…I spent too much money…I attached myself in ways I was not prepared for. Then one day, quite literally, the fog lifted and I was able to see everything clearly. The finality of it all hit me like a ton of bricks. I was numb for months then the anesthesia wore off. The pain was far worse than it was initially. And, I had a choice. I could stand there and watch the pieces fall off of me or, I could get out my sewing kit and start piecing myself a quilt from the scraps I had left.
\nA quilt. That’s what we are. We start out fresh from the bolt. Pristine. Crisp. Life wears on us, we tear, we wrinkle, we get ripped and cut…sometimes in the tiniest pieces. And, if we apply ourselves…if we are diligent and careful…we can put ourselves back together into something far more complex than we were in the beginning. Strong. Warm. Beautiful.
\nChoose your thread wisely. Anything but the best will wear out after a few washes.
\n", "date_published": "2014-02-14T02:30:50-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/02/14/scar-tissue.html", "tags": ["Grief","Growth","Comfort"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/02/10/the-inimitable-mr-virgo.html", "title": "The Inimitable Mr. Virgo", "content_html": "![\"handsome](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/0abba9efa2.jpg\")
“The Inimitable Mr. Virgo”
One more month and it will be a year since he’s been gone. That is unimaginable. This is the photo I saw when I expanded my search on match.com to include the Front Range and my breath caught in my throat. He struck me as handsome, to say the least. Sean Connery handsome. Man’s man handsome. Sassy with that cigar. Penetrating blue eyes, silver hair, sexy beard. I loved the way he tucked his sleeves to the inside instead of rolling them up. My very first thought….“There is no way a handsome man like that is going to have anything to do with me.” My self esteem was so low after my divorce. I looked at this photo and read his profile every day for three weeks before I got up the nerve to send him a note inviting him to look at my own profile. I didn’t hear anything for 4 months. I figured that was my answer…he wasn’t interested. Then he wrote back. He had moved within 40 miles from me. Did I still want to go out? Yes….oh my, yes! We e-mailed then talked on the phone and finally met in person on Halloween 2005. My friend was in my shop and said she would stay in case he was some sort of stalker-dude. He walked in. I took one look and whispered to her “Get out of here! He’s perfect!” That is my favorite story. The “how I met Mr. Virgo” story. I like to tell it. I can tell it now and smile. I miss him. Always will. I love him. Always will. I will always have him because he didn’t go far…he still lives in my heart. Always will. He makes me smile. Always will.
\nHappy Valentine’s Day, Mr. Virgo…
\n", "date_published": "2014-02-10T02:30:40-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/02/10/the-inimitable-mr-virgo.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Growth","Love"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/02/10/death-divorce-and-the-other.html", "title": "Death, Divorce, and the Other \"D\" Word", "content_html": "![\"meme\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/5123dfaef7.jpg\")
“Death, Divorce, and the Other ‘D’ Word”
Dating. There…I said it. I had an interesting conversation with a new friend the other day. She is also a widow and a grief counselor. She asked me if I had given any thought to what my next relationship would look like. Wow. That was heavy. For those of you who have been around the whole year since Mr. Virgo died, you will remember my ill-fated attempt at dating in September. This was a very nice man, a good man, a Christian, and someone from my high school graduating class. Just about everything seemed perfect…except for one glaring fact that neither one of us cared to notice. It was WAY too soon after Mr. Virgo’s death for me to get that involved with anyone. There were some hurt feelings, but I have to say, I am so glad we decided to remain friends because Mr. B has been a delight to talk with and has offered me such great insight into who I am and what I want out of life. He was there with a broad shoulder and limitless compassion when I needed someone to cry to and I’m grateful for that. For a number of reasons, it just won’t be a romantic relationship and that’s ok.
\nThis brings up an interesting question though. Just when is it ok to date? What will it look like? HOW do you date after the Greatest Show on Earth has closed it’s doors? I know people who have dated just a few months after the loss of their spouse. I also know people who have never dated again. It is not entirely unheard of for a man to date and remarry quickly after he has lost his wife. People may raise their eyebrows a little, but usually it’s with a shrug. “Well, he just needs someone to take care of him.” is often whispered behind closed doors. So what about women? If we date too soon, we’re crazy or a slut or desperate. We are judged harshly, most often by other women. My daughters are split on the subject. My youngest thinks I should be able to do what makes me happy. My oldest thinks I should take time to know who I am because I have always been someone’s something full time. This is the first time I have been on my own without the daily obligation of taking care of someone other than myself. There’s something to be said for both viewpoints.
\nI don’t know about you, but it seems like there are two people, at least, in my head. One says “You’re lonely, it’s ok. Find someone to have some fun with.” The other says “Are you INSANE? You just buried one husband a year ago! You want to do it again???” One says “There is nothing wrong with making new friends to go do things with and it’s perfectly acceptable to have male friends in 2014.” The other says “What on earth will people think if I’m seen with someone so soon? Will they think I really didn’t love Mr. Virgo?” One says, “Take your time, don’t be in a hurry, make new friends, live your life, get to know who you are, find out what you really want out of life, and by all means…go out and have some fun. There is nothing wrong with that.” I think that’s the voice I’ll listen to.
\n", "date_published": "2014-02-10T02:30:31-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/02/10/death-divorce-and-the-other.html", "tags": ["Grief","Growth","Gratitude"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/02/09/glorification.html", "title": "Glorification", "content_html": "![\"glorifying](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/6d4a9252fc.jpg\")
“As part of my healing, I had to stop ‘glorifying’ my husband and list the things about him that irritated me.” Sue
In order to justify some decisions I was making not too long after Mr. Virgo died, I started talkin’ smack about my man. I know now what that was all about. Psychologically, it is easier if you don’t miss someone and the quickest way to not miss them is to find fault. The opposite of that is glorification.
\nI’m not kidding when I tell you Mr. Virgo was perfect because he was perfect for ME. We never raised our voices to one another, not once in over seven years. That is remarkable. He gave me just the right amount of attention without suffocating me. He gave me the kind of affection that made me feel his love without being clingy. I read a meme the other day that said a woman needs a man that will ruin her lipstick, not her mascara. That was Mr. Virgo. He never made me cry…not once. Well, until he died on me.
\nThat being said, he wasn’t perfect. I could NOT get him to take a night off from the television and just talk or play a game. We ate every meal at the coffee table in front of that $&@!#%@ television that had to be blaring in order for him to hear it. He pouted for days if I left to visit the kids because he didn’t get to go. He wanted me to be sitting beside him watching the same show so we could discuss it during the commercials. Argh! He had to eat three substantial meals a day on his days off to the point that I felt we were eating all the time. My weight ballooned because he didn’t like it if I didn’t eat with him. He was a Virgo and I am a Gemini. He sorted his closet by color…you can barely shut the door on mine. I made piles. This made him crazy. It took him FOREVER to get ready to go someplace. All those good looks and that “Polo polish” came at a price and he did NOT like to feel rushed.
\nAt some point in your grief, you need to have a heart to heart talk with yourself and examine your loved one critically. Let yourself feel ok about your feelings. No one is perfect, with the exception of God and an innocent child. It’s ok to look at your loved one with a critical eye. It does not mean you didn’t just flat out adore them when they were here. It means, in order to make progress on your grief journey, you have to be realistic. That doesn’t make you a bad person. That makes you a healthy person.
\n", "date_published": "2014-02-09T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/02/09/glorification.html", "tags": ["Family","Grief","Fear","Forgiveness"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/02/08/the-mouths-of-babes.html", "title": "The Mouths of Babes", "content_html": "![\"good](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/59c9b76b0d.jpg\")
“Some good things come out of the worst of times. Molly, age 6”
My six…almost seven year old granddaughter is one of the most profound thinkers I have ever known. On the night Mr. Virgo was buried, we were sitting at dinner and the divine Miss M sat by me, held my hand and said, “Nana, I am so sorry for what happened to Papa…you must be so sad.” She went on to take her crayons and draw a circle with a cross in it and gave it to me.
\n“This is for you, Nana.”
\n“That’s beautiful, honey. What is it?”
\n“This is for you to put on Papa’s pillow to remind you that he died and didn’t just go on vacation without you.”
\nThat’s is deep on a couple of levels. First, being left behind on purpose is a fate worse than death to a 5 year old. And second, don’t fool yourself into thinking he’s coming back because he’s not. She is a pragmatist, she thinks and feels deeply, and she is six.
\nWe went to the mall for Valentine shoes on Saturday. (Doesn’t every girl need new shoes for Valentine’s Day?) We were looking at pictures over lunch and when we came to one of her Papa, she told me she still misses him. A little later, she was trying on her new cowgirl boots and caught my eye with a very serious look on her face.
\n“Nana, some good things come out of the worst of times.”
\nIndeed, they do, Miss M…indeed they do.
\n", "date_published": "2014-02-08T02:30:39-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/02/08/the-mouths-of-babes.html", "tags": ["Family","Grief","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/02/08/how-things-used-to-be.html", "title": "How Things Used to Be", "content_html": "![\"meme\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/4e36009469.jpg\")
“How Things Used to Be”
The only absolute certainty in this physical existence is that things will change. I don’t think it takes a terribly long time in this life to figure this out, but the bargaining and denial aspects of grief can make that fact inaccessible at times…much like putting a smoky filter on a camera lens. We want what we want and we want it to be like it used to be.
\nBut what happens if you don’t? What happens if you were in an unhappy marriage? What happens if you just came out of three years of nursing your loved one through a terrifying disease? Mr. Virgo suffered a quick and relatively painless death and if he had to die, I’m glad for it being that way. That is one of the few comforts I get from this situation.
\nMy life has changed tremendously and (God please let my readers understand this) not every change is negative. I would give all my Earthly possessions to have Mr. Virgo back. Of course I would. And, I have to be honest here…there are changes that were easier to adjust to.
\nMr. Virgo had tinnitus and had to have white noise in order to sleep so we had a fan and an air conditioner running every night in our room…365 days a year..in order for him to sleep. It could be -27 outside, but that AC and fan was running. However, I am an extremely light sleeper and had to sleep with earplugs. I have only turned those noisy beasts on once or twice since he died. That I don’t miss.
\nMr. Virgo was a TV watcher and it came on as soon as he got home. We ate in the living room, a towel covering his parent’s coffee table, with the TV blaring at an uncomfortably loud decibel. I have to tell you, if I see another Ghost Adventurers episode I will go running and screaming in the night. (Sorry, Zack…nothing personal, buddy.) When I hadn’t turned the TV on in six weeks after the funeral, I just disconnected the satellite service and don’t miss it one bit.
\nMy time is my own. I don’t have to cook heavy Irish meat-and-potatoes, stick-to-your-ribs kinds of meals. If I want a bowl of cereal or a salad for dinner, I can do that. This isn’t a bad thing because I’ve lost 30 pounds.
\nI guess the whole point is this. You may find there are changes in your life that aren’t so bad and you shouldn’t feel guilty for enjoying them. Life is a gift and just because he (or she) died, doesn’t mean that you did. Sitting around wringing our hands in sackcloth and ashes for the rest of our lives will not bring our loved ones back and does not honor them. After a time, we have to start playing this game called life with exactly those cards we are dealt and each hand is different. Our loved one gone would want us to find the joy in life, even if it is a bowl of Sugar Smacks.
\n", "date_published": "2014-02-08T02:30:36-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/02/08/how-things-used-to-be.html", "tags": ["Grief","Growth","Forgiveness"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/02/04/grief.html", "title": "Grief", "content_html": "![\"grieving](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/f55b3ad0fc.jpg\")
“Grief”
Someone asked…what does grief feel like? Wow. If we knew ahead of time what it would feel like, would we be better prepared? I don’t know…maybe. In 1981, I had my gallbladder removed. I had absolutely NO idea the amount of pain that would entail. It was back in the days before they were done through laparoscopic surgery so it was the full 8" incision across the upper right side of my abdomen. It was excruciating and I was so mad that no one had warned me.
\nI’ve suffered losses. My grandparents, my parents, friends from school. They were painful and sad. I can’t imagine losing a child or grandchild, God forbid. I’m not sure I could have understood what losing Mr. Virgo would feel like if someone would have told me ahead of time, but I will do my best to describe what it was like for me.
\nWhile in the ER watching the lifesaving attempts being made, I was in disbelief. It felt like sliding downhill on ice…the farther it went, the faster it went, the more out of control I felt.
\nWhen the doctor came out to tell me he was gone, it felt as though someone hit me in the stomach. A sucker punch that I wasn’t ready for…that knocked the wind out of me. I immediately went into denial mode. I knew I had to put one foot in front of the other and get through this nasty business that they were going to expose me to in a few minutes, but after that, I was going to get in my car and drive home and Mr. Virgo would be there waiting for me.
\nThey had me wait with the Chaplain for a bit while they removed the tubes and got Mr. Virgo cleaned up. They led me into the room where he was. They didn’t have his hair combed right. It pissed me off. (I was very concerned about his hair, even at the funeral home. It is strange what you focus on.) I felt like a trapped animal and looked for the nearest exit. I felt detached from reality. Then they did something very nice for me and looking back on it from a purely sociological standpoint, it was the best thing they could have done to shock me back into the present. They had wrapped a heating pad around Mr. Virgo’s left hand to keep it warm and gently led me to his side. The nurse said, in the kindest voice, “You need to take his wedding ring off now.” Bam! I was back in the room and reality struck me. This was real. This was really happening and he was really gone. I went numb. I remember trying to make the staff feel better, telling them I knew it wasn’t their fault that he had died. That I knew they had done everything they could. It was my first exposure to playing the gracious hostess of a macabre family reunion.
\nA friend had joined me at the hospital so I didn’t have to be alone. She wanted to drive me home. I insisted on driving myself and she followed close behind. I needed to be alone. I didn’t cry. I kept looking over at the passenger seat, feeling like I had forgotten something very important. Like I had left my purse at the restaurant. I called my ex-husband and asked him to have the girls go to his house and I would meet them there. I remember about 5 minutes of that drive. I would recommend you take someone up on the offer to drive you home.
\nWhen I got to my ex-husband’s house, he, his wife, and my oldest daughter came down the steps to meet me and I collapsed in their arms. I was led inside, given a cup of tea and a yogurt. I blamed myself for not recognizing symptoms, for not listening to my gut instincts, for not letting Mr. Virgo quit his stressful job because we needed the benefits, for not insisting he have that complete physical his doctor wanted. Heck, I would have blamed myself for global warming at that point. I felt horrible and took it all on my shoulders.
\nOne or the other of my daughters slept with me for a week. I did not sedate myself. I wanted to feel whatever came my way. I don’t drink and didn’t want to. My memories that week are like looking at an ill-arranged slide show. Snippets here. Bits there. Truly, I was numb, spaced out, being led from one thing to another. Amazingly, I was not anxious about the visitation, the Rosary, or the funeral…and I am typically an anxious person when it comes to not being in complete control of a situation. I walked through the paces, went where I was told, ate when it was placed before me, slept when I was led to my bed. Robotic comes to mind.
\nI needed to be at home to take care of some things for the first week after everyone left, then I went to my son-in-law’s parent’s house for three weeks. I was exhausted. One of the most profound effects of my grief was memory loss. I had to write things down on my iPad. I made lists galore. I put blinders on and plodded forward.
\nI took off for three months and traveled in TOW-Wanda by myself. Buying that trailer was the best thing I have ever done for myself. It was small and cozy, like a cocoon where I could hunker down and lick my wounds like a sick cat. I took her up high in the mountains where there was no one around for miles and screamed at God for taking my man away from me. I screamed at Mr. Virgo for not taking care of himself. I screamed and cried till I was hoarse. I slept for days. I forced myself to eat. I put no demands on myself. I went where the mood struck me. I wrote and wrote and wrote. I know that was a luxury not everyone has and I am grateful.
\nTime does not heal grief. Only grieving heals grief. You must let yourself grieve in whatever way feels best for you. Not every book has an answer for every person. You will feel lost, out of control, angry, sad, fearful, depressed, euphoric, vacant, acutely present, acutely absent. You will cry, you will laugh, you will yell. You will sleep for days and you will spend long, lonely nights wondering if sleep will ever come again. You will bargain, deny, accept, and bargain all over again. There are no “Five Stages of Grief”. There is no particular order. You don’t get through one phase then neatly move on to the next and then one day magically wake up and it’s over. Grief is ugly. Grief is messy. Grief is a gift you give yourself to honor the loved one lost. Grief is the price we pay for loving…the deeper you have loved, the deeper you will grieve.
\nI honestly didn’t start feeling totally like myself for about 9 or 10 months. I still have moments when something strikes me and I cry, but for the most part, I’m really doing ok. Personally, I could not have gotten through this without my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. And now, I’m ready to do something different, to stop talking about it to whoever will sit still and listen, to live my life again. I don’t want it to dominate every conversation. When someone you love is gone, your life will never be the same. You have to adapt to the new reality because the alternative is not good. If you need help, get it. If you are thinking of hurting yourself, call the Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255. If you need a personal Savior, instant message me. I’d be happy to talk with you about mine.
\nEveryone’s grief is different. This is mine.
\n? Ginny
\n", "date_published": "2014-02-04T02:30:22-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/02/04/grief.html", "tags": ["Grief","Growth","Grace"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/02/02/premonitions.html", "title": "Premonitions", "content_html": "![\"grief](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/359157299c.jpg\")
No one ever told me grief felt so much like fear. CS Lewis"
I sat bolt upright in bed, my heart racing, that not totally unfamiliar creepy-crawly feeling on the back of my arms from the adrenalin. What was it? A sound? A dream? A dream…yes. And a bad one. Another bad one. I turned to my right and he was there, resting peacefully, one arm carelessly slung above his head. Mr. Virgo’s chest rose and fell with the rhythm of deep sleep. I realized I was holding my breath. I sighed, let the tension release from my shoulders and headed for the kitchen. In the dim light, I saw it was 2 o’clock. The moon was a waning crescent…just a sliver hanging in the cold March night. I ran a glass of water and stared out the window.
\nThese dreams started the week before. They were all the same. I was on the phone telling people that Mr. Virgo was gone. Dead. Just…gone. I felt the sting of tears behind my eyes then reminded myself, it was just a dream, Ginny. Go back to bed. So, I did.
\nOn Monday, March 11th, Mr. Virgo was especially tired. He took a nap on the couch and as I walked by, his mouth was gaped wide open.
\n“This is how he will look when he’s dead.”
\nJesus. Where did THAT come from? My grandma used to say “I felt a goose walk over my grave.” I wanted to shake him to make sure he was alive. I let him sleep.
\nOn Tuesday, March 12th, we drove to Grand Junction to look at travel trailers. On the way down we held hands. He lifted mine up and looked at his wrist.
\n“Huh…I forgot to wear my watch this morning.”
\nMy heart leapt to my throat as a thought popped clearly into my head.
\n“Oh, my God….he’s going to die today!”
\nI swerved a little. He didn’t notice. I looked over at him in alarm. He was fine. He was telling me something about the Civil War. He was a history buff. He caught me looking at him and smiled. He told me he loved me.
\nWhat was I supposed to say? “We need to stop at the store on the way home, honey. And oh, by the way, I’ve been dreaming you’re going to die. Probably today, because you didn’t wear your watch.” I was helpless. I prayed for God to protect him. I prayed I was crazy. I bargained and told God He could have me. Or I’ll take the Ford back and we won’t buy a trailer. Anything. But the clock kept ticking and Mr. Virgo inched ever closer to his fate. There was nothing any of us could have done to stop it.
\nAnd four hours later he was, indeed, gone.
\n", "date_published": "2014-02-02T02:30:35-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/02/02/premonitions.html", "tags": ["Grief","Prayer","Fear"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2013/12/23/santa.html", "title": "Santa!", "content_html": "![\"santa](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/aee4133310.jpg\")
“Santa and Me”
I find that if I get out and mingle with people I do a lot better than if I hang out at the house too much. Today was no exception. I found myself wasting the day away so I headed to town about 2pm. I have lived in my small town since 1986 so I can just about bank on seeing someone I know when I’m out and about.
\nFirst stop was the bank. The gals are always so sweet and want to know what adventure I’m heading on next. Then I went to the mall. I needed a screen protector so while I waited I chatted with a gal I knew. She didn’t know about Mr. Virgo so I had to tell her. Sympathy, hugs, promises to do lunch. All so gratefully received. I wandered around till I got to Penney’s. Big sale so I picked up a pair of jeans and saw another gal I’ve known forever. Sympathy, hugs, tears. Pulled it together and headed in the other direction. Down at the other end of the mall, there was Santa with three beautiful children on his lap. Now, my normal operating mode is to cry over Hallmark commercials. Don’t EVEN show me one with a soldier coming home to his mom! I stood watching these bright and shiny faces gazing in wonder at Santa and I was reminded of when Mr. Virgo had his beard (omgosh…he looked JUST like Sean Connery, I kid you not!). He worked at the Hotel Jerome and was asked to be Santa. Oh! You would have thought they had given him the leading role in the year’s biggest blockbuster movie, he was that excited. So of course, I had to stand there watching Santa and the children and didn’t even realize tears were falling off my chin. The children left and I noticed Santa watching me. He cocked his head a little, scooched over in the chair and patted the seat beside him. I looked around and decided I really needed a visit with this jolly, old elf. I walked up and sat down. I kept my eyes diverted a bit because I knew if I made direct eye contact, I was a goner. We sat in silence for a bit and finally, I whispered to him, “My husband died. I need a new heart.” He put his arm around me and drew me close. He whispered back, “I’m so sorry.” I told him what had happened and that I had such sweet memories of Mr. Virgo at Christmas. I apologized for being such a mess. He told me I was perfect. I asked if I could just sit with him for a minute. He leaned his head against mine and patted my back while I cried. It didn’t take long. I had it back together in just a couple of minutes. These water works turn on and off fairly quickly, most of the time. He said, “Will you have your picture taken with me?” I smiled and wiped the last tears away, and with the same awe I saw on the faces of those beautiful children, I nodded and said, “I’d like that.” He whispered, “Thank you for stopping.” I whispered back, “Thank you for being real.”
\n", "date_published": "2013-12-23T02:30:15-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2013/12/23/santa.html", "tags": ["Grief","Gratitude","Comfort"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2013/12/22/memory-lane.html", "title": "Memory Lane", "content_html": "![\"fur](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/8d0ae6586d.jpg\")
“Me and My Fur”
After church this morning, I drove to Aspen to wander the streets and treat myself to lunch at the Hotel Jerome. I asked my waitress if she remembered Mr. Virgo and she told me a funny story about being scheduled for July 4th as the only bartender and she wanted to crown him. She told me to tell him hello, so I had to tell her he had passed. It makes me sad to tell people who cared about him because they are always upset with the loss and that they may have upset me.
\nThe photo is taken in front of a working bar made of ice located on the pedestrian mall. I visited all the shops that Mr. Virgo and I loved. I stopped in Meridian Jewelers and the same gal who showed us engagement rings was still working there. We had a lovely visit. There was a lull in business so she sat with me for quite some time. I went in Kemo Sabe where we bought my Stetson and chatted with the most lovely young people. I ended the evening with a cup of coffee and a sugar cookie from Paradise Bakery. Such a fun day!
\nI’m getting things together before I leave Christmas Day on my trip. My brother comes over Christmas Eve to spend the night. I’ll get to visit with my kids and grandkids then I head to California on Friday. My friend called me the other day and told me we are going to get to participate in a cattle roundup on a ranch that belongs to a friend of hers. That is going to be a hoot! I’ll have to take lots of pictures to show you.
\nHope you have a wonderful day and are enjoying your holiday preparations. Hugs to you all!
\n", "date_published": "2013-12-22T02:30:50-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2013/12/22/memory-lane.html", "tags": ["Grief","Growth","Gratitude"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2013/12/15/frozen-in-time.html", "title": "Frozen in Time", "content_html": "![\"text\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/59b2d13ae8.jpg\")
“A Text from Mr. Virgo”
Awwwww….look what I found on Mr. Virgo’s phone! I love when these little messages come to me. Like this summer when I was cleaning out what we called the dump station. It’s a little wooden charging station where we’d park the phones when we got home and little bits of this and that would end up there. I found a little sticky note wishing me Happy Valentine’s Day so I stuck it up on the fridge to remind me of a sweet, gentle man who loved me more than anything in the world. The gift that keeps on giving!
\nI was thinking about Christmas this week and remembering how much Mr. Virgo liked to plan and hunt and buy just the perfect gifts for me. He was very generous and lavished me with beautiful things that he had heard me mention over the course of the year and I fully realize how much he spoiled me rotten. I’ll be darned if I didn’t feel myself getting a little sad that my stocking will be pretty empty this year. Man, that didn’t last long! At church today we discussed the blessings we have in life and I realized hoping for material goods isn’t anywhere near as wonderful as hoping for the Spirit of Christmas to fill me with a generous, loving heart. I truly have everything I could possibly need and then some. I don’t need a thing…but, if you wanted to send me to Belize in January or February, I wouldn’t object. Just sayin'.
\n", "date_published": "2013-12-15T02:30:01-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2013/12/15/frozen-in-time.html", "tags": ["Grief","Comfort","Love"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2013/12/11/hugs.html", "title": "Hugs", "content_html": "![\"sheldon](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/9b32ad22c4.jpg\")
“Sheldon Hugs Penny”
We need 4 hugs a day for survival. We need 8 hugs a day for maintenance. We need 12 hugs a day for growth.\n—Virginia Satir, family therapist
\nWe’re going to get touchy-feely here today. I love hugs! Mr. Virgo and I couldn’t be in the same room without touching each other. We were openly, physically demonstrative and for me, that was like water to a desert flower. For those of you who are widowed or who live alone, for whatever reason, you know how it feels to not have anyone to hug and to hug you back. Certainly the quick hugs we sometimes get when we greet friends and good acquaintances feel good, but I’m talking about the “will you hold me a little while” kind of hugs. This is more likely to be from a family member, but even they have their limits as to how long a hug should be held and still remain comfortable. A good long hug just doesn’t happen…at least not nearly often enough, when you are alone.
\nWhen I went through a very painful divorce 14 years ago, I asked my doctor to prescribe therapeutic massage for me so I could receive regular human touch. I haven’t done that since losing Mr. Virgo, but I’m getting ready to. When I was heading to my grief counseling appointment yesterday, I decided I’m going to have to do something to get more hugs. I have some ideas for a hugging project that I am still formulating and I’ll bring them to you as I develop the idea further. But in the meantime, if you see me on the street, by all means….hug the stuffin’s outta me! My hug titer is LOW!
\nHave a wonderful Friday, everyone….and go hug somebody!!!
\n", "date_published": "2013-12-11T02:30:51-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2013/12/11/hugs.html", "tags": ["Grief","Hope","Comfort"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2013/12/11/messages.html", "title": "Messages", "content_html": "\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/e3668801bb.jpg\")
Oh....my....gosh! I have the COOLEST story to tell you! I know you all can tell the last few days have been a bit of a struggle. I knew the first Christmas after losing Mr. Virgo was going to be rough and it has certainly been shaping up to be a pretty dismal affair all the way around. I finally gave in in early November and started seeing a grief counselor and she has really, really helped. Even so, as I was preparing myself for the tears that would inevitably come during my session this afternoon, I spent some quiet time talking to Mr. Virgo. I asked him, if he could hear me, if he was still watching over me, would he please send me a sign so I could know. I know that may be really weird to some of you and you might think I've gone 'round the bend, but this is what happened later.
\nI walked into the waiting area at my appointment and sat down. There was another lady sitting there and we exchanged greetings but went back to our magazines. The music had been playing when I walked in but I didn't pay any attention to it, other than it was a little loud. There was quite a stretch of quiet between songs and when it started playing again, the song was a very peppy rendition of \"Gray skies are gonna clear up...put on a happy face!\" The lady and I looked at each other and cracked up. I told her about losing my husband. She told me about losing her mom. I told her about asking him to send me some sort of sign that he was still watching out for me. I laughed and said, \"You know, when this sort of thing happened when he was alive, I would hum the opening notes of The Twilight Zone and we would just laugh!\" We went back to our papers. The peppy little tune continued as I contemplated whether it really could have been Mr. Virgo sending me a message. But...that's NOT the end of the story. If it ended right there, you might think \"Well, that was a cute little coincidence.\" and leave it at that. Not so fast! As soon as \"Put on a Happy Face\" ended.....I kid you not....the theme music for The Twilight Zone came on!!! The woman and I turned to each other with our mouths open and laughed till our sides hurt. What a great story! Thanks, Mr. Virgo...I'm SO happy to know you are still watching out for me and you're absolutely right. Gray skies ARE gonna clear up!
\nHave a wonderful day, my lovely friends!
\n", "date_published": "2013-12-11T02:30:10-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2013/12/11/messages.html", "tags": ["Grief","Hope","Gratitude","Love"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2013/12/04/grumpy.html", "title": "Grumpy", "content_html": "![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/e73a6aa485.jpg\")
Okay…we’re going to totally shift gears here. I know I come across a lot of the time as this little earth mother spouting grace and wisdom and love and light but I’m not feeling it right now. How many of you have lost your spouse, in one way or another, and now you are on your own and you couldn’t find the jumper cables and had to go to the hardware store after an already full day so you could jump the car in the driveway and move it before the major winter storm which is now raging out there with a foot of snow on the ground and much more coming and you worked all day only to come home at 25 miles per hour to an empty, cold house and a snow shovel with your name…and your name ONLY…on it?! Show of hands? Okay, now….how many of you got so mad at him for dying on you that you could just spit nails? I hope to high heavens it’s not just me. I know that anger is one of the stages of grief and I also know there is no timetable as to when that bad boy is going to show up! I was stunned at the rage that just boiled up in me while I was trying to push the snow off the driveway when I was already tired from a long day at the office. The thing I’m most angry about is, that if he hadn’t smoked, he might have lived longer and not left me alone to do everything by myself. So I shoveled enough to clear the front sidewalk and a path up to the door. I called my lawn sprinkler dude and begged him to go into the snow removal business. (He’ll be here tomorrow…yay! I think I scared him! lol) And I came in and drew a hot bath. I’ve settled down now, for the most part. But, you know what? Sometimes this just stinks and you gotta blow off some steam and move on. I can guarantee you one thing…the big yellow ball in the sky will come up again tomorrow and the world will look a lot brighter. Well…literally, it will. It’s snowing, remember?
Happy “First-Really-Big-Snowfall-of-the-year” Day!
\n", "date_published": "2013-12-04T02:30:21-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2013/12/04/grumpy.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Anger","Fear"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2013/11/25/security.html", "title": "Security", "content_html": "![\"lock\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/4f6ee6a0fe.jpg\")
“Security”
One of the big name security companies came to our house a year ago offering to put in a security system. The equipment would be installed for free and we would only pay the monthly monitoring fee. Mr. Virgo thought it was a good idea and we should do it, but for some reason we just never got around to it. I lived here for 5 years before I met him and never once felt frightened to be here alone. However, since the time change, and there are no street lights near me, I have had a few unsettling feelings when I hear (or imagine I hear) something outside. The other night I swore I heard footsteps outside my window. It was probably just a wild animal, but it gave me pause. Granted, I am insured by Smith and Wesson. You can rest assured I am packin’ when I’m traveling alone in TOW-Wanda and a gun lives by my bedside. (I always lock them away when the grandchildren are visiting.) I had a security system installed on Saturday and I love it! They are so much more than just an alarm these days. Mine has a button each for police, fire, and ambulance. I downloaded their app onto my phone and iPad and I can arm/disarm the system remotely. I can turn lights on and off. (I have my Christmas tree lights plugged into it and can turn them on before I get home so I can see them when I drive up!) There is a video camera that I have aimed out the sidelight in my front door. If the doorbell rings when I’m in bed or in another room, I can bring up the app on my iPad and see who is there. I can check the thermostat remotely so I step into a warm house when I get home. Here’s the fun one…I can turn up the heat in the house from my bed when I first wake up and after I’ve read the news on my iPad, the house is warmer when I go for that first cup of coffee! OK, I am a geek. I admit it. I love techno-toys. But I have to tell you, I slept better the last two nights than I have since Mr. Virgo died. And that is worth every penny!
\n", "date_published": "2013-11-25T02:30:59-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2013/11/25/security.html", "tags": ["Grief","Hope","Growth","Comfort"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2013/10/26/serviceberry-and-aspen.html", "title": "Serviceberry and Aspen", "content_html": "![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/ab5ce8649e.jpg\")
\nThis was a rough week but I’ve turned the corner and I’m heading right back up! I returned from my last trip with a bug that I picked up on the plane, pulled my back out pulling up my pants (insert laugh track here), had my physical (whee!) with some resultant abnormal blood tests, had said tests repeated with the addition of an abdominal ultrasound (results to follow), worked an 11 hour day yesterday whilst ill (haven’t we all?), and found out an old friend from my past died on the 15th. What was worse though…her son died 5 days later at the age of 52 leaving a wife and two kids (16 & 20). There is no rhyme or reason to this. We have no explanation as to why these things happen other than it is the nature of life. It’s unpredictable, uncontrollable. Ecclesiastes 3:1. My thoughts and prayers are with the families involved.
\nI’ve been steadily catching up with the things I let slide while I was battling this cold (and icing my back as well as my ego. I mean, really…who throws their back out pulling up their pants?!) I am heading out tomorrow (oh gosh…TODAY) to the big city and fly out to Las Vegas on Sunday to keep Mr. B company while he’s teaching a class down there. Ok, I’m also going to be lazy in the sunshine, read, have lunch with a high school friend, see a long lost nephew, exercise, nap, go out to breakfast/lunch/dinner, and check out the action on the Strip. A girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do, right?
\nI was SO excited when I found this really low airfare with Spirit for this trip. I’ve never flown with them before. I received an e-mail today reminding me that I had not “purchased luggage” yet. I’m thinking….“How would they know if I had luggage or not?” Mr. B, ever the world traveler, said it meant I hadn’t paid for (online, in advance) my luggage fee. Ok, most airlines have a bag fee these days. but when I went on their site, the bag fee is $100!!! PER BAG. Now, you have to understand that I just returned from a 2.5 week trip to WV which admittedly had 2-3 seasons of weather over that time and a girl has to have the right shoes and an assortment of sweaters, jeans, shorts, tanks, skirts, belts, jewelry, and did I mention shoes? I took two suitcases…BIG, heavy suitcases…to a farm. Today I stuffed a toothbrush, a pair of sandals, and a sundress into my Ferragamo bag because, while I may pay more for something like the bag itself, there’s no way I’m paying someone $100 to carry it for me!
\nIf it’s snowing where you are, keep warm. If it’s hot, keep cool. And have a great weekend!
\n", "date_published": "2013-10-26T01:30:22-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2013/10/26/serviceberry-and-aspen.html", "tags": ["Colorado","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2013/10/17/aspen-gold-vail-colorado.html", "title": "Aspen Gold - Vail, Colorado", "content_html": "![\"aspen](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/8a99b88a94.jpg\")
“Aspen Gold - Vail, Colorado
Heading home from Denver after three weeks on the road. What a gorgeous drive. Snow is in the forecast. I’m home for the next 9 days then meeting Mr. B in Vegas for a week. One of these days I’m going to have to work and earn some money like a real adult! I’ve given myself a year to recoup and gain my bearings. I’ve come a long way but there’s still further to go. I was just in Costco and there was a little music box playing Christmas carols and it made my heart ache. It’s the littlest things, isn’t it?
\nEnjoy this Fall day, wherever you are!
\n", "date_published": "2013-10-17T01:30:38-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2013/10/17/aspen-gold-vail-colorado.html", "tags": ["Colorado","Travel","Grief"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2013/09/14/mr-virgos-cross-weminuche-wilderness.html", "title": "Mr. Virgo's Cross - Weminuche Wilderness, Colorado", "content_html": "![\"cross](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/62a2d58d81.jpg\")
“Mr. Virgo’s Cross”
This is where I left Mr. Virgo’s lock of hair when I hiked into the wilderness this summer to say good-bye and leave him in the place he loved the most. As I have negotiated this path, I have come upon stumbling blocks which could have made me falter. It’s what we do with those stumbling blocks that determine our direction…up or down.
\nA few weeks ago, I realized I had not seen postings for awhile from a person I considered a friend and family member. After doing some investigation, I realized this person had not only unfriended me on FB, but had also disconnected from my children’s pages as well as Mr. Virgo’s. I was hurt and confused. I reached out, in the off chance that this was accidental and received no response. After giving it some time, I accepted that this person intentionally disconnected.
\nWhen something like this happens, you can choose many responses. You can go into self-blame mode and try to figure out what on earth you did wrong. My thought on this is, after a quick inventory of your own behaviors, self-deprecation accomplishes nothing but pain and damage to your own self esteem. Of course, if it’s something you have done, by all means you should apologize and try to make it right. You could always get mad and say negative things about the person, but we all know that’s not productive…one of the perks of being ‘of a certain age’.
\nI don’t know what precipitated this. Perhaps I wasn’t grieving in a way she felt was appropriate. Perhaps I posted something that hurt her feelings. Maybe the fact that I have found love again so quickly makes her feel my love for Mr. Virgo wasn’t genuine. I don’t know. It doesn’t matter. I can only control my own response and choose how to feel. So, here is my choice. I choose love. I choose to turn this stumbling block into a stepping stone and move upward. I sent her a text to let her know I was thinking of her and that I am praying for her. I wish her well. I enjoyed knowing her. I am not less of a person because she chooses not to be in our lives. Besides, we will see each other again on the other side and will have Eternity to figure it out.
\n", "date_published": "2013-09-14T01:30:50-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2013/09/14/mr-virgos-cross-weminuche-wilderness.html", "tags": ["Colorado","Grief","Camping","The Grand Adventure"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2013/09/12/rest-in-peace-mr-virgo.html", "title": "Rest in Peace, Mr. Virgo", "content_html": "![\"sunset\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/1f7eb5dd62.jpg\")
“Rest in Peace, Mr. Virgo”
Another milestone is here. It was six months ago today that the life I had planned came to an abrupt stop. Time, insight, prayer, and hard work has paid off. I am healthy, well rested, loved, and blessed with a whole new life. Not better. Different….and beautiful.
\nGrief is an amazing journey to the inside. We stop, nurse our wounds, evaluate our past life, contemplate our new life, then stand up to accept the blessings as they come. Life, however long, is too short. If we only had the insight at 30 that we have at 60, we would fill every moment with as much joy and laughter as we can.
\nNow that this time has passed, I can share with you what happened when Mr. Virgo passed. I was in the ER with him. They were doing CPR. Normally, they don’t allow family in the room for that, but I was there. I’ve worked in the medical field for 42 years…I knew what was going on. At one point, they stopped CPR and watched the monitor. It showed nothing but a dying heart. I sat in stunned silence and looked at this sweet man who was my world. As I looked at him, there was something different about him. You know how the air looks shimmery over asphalt on a hot day? Well, right around his head was this…shimmer. I was taken aback. I thought I must have tears in my eyes, or my glasses were foggy. I wiped both and it was still there. Then, all of a sudden….WHOOSH! This shimmery light came right out of the top of his head! I looked around and it was obvious no one else in the room was seeing this. I looked back again and it was still there, standing tall at the head of the bed. I was dumbfounded. As I watched something even more amazing happened. Imagine a silk scarf lying on a table. If you pinch that scarf in the middle and pull up quickly, it will suck in on itself in a point and get long and narrow. That is exactly what happened with this shimmery energy. A point came right out of the center and it shot directly across the room into my right shoulder. It felt warm and comforting and I immediately felt my pulse and breathing slow down. A peace came over me. Then I heard it. A voice, not like you would hear in your ear, but an internal voice sitting in the back of my head. It said, in the most beautiful, loving voice, “It’s ok…it’s ok…it’s ok…” Over and over and I knew he was gone. No matter what they did, and they did plenty, he was not coming back.
\nMr. Virgo’s spirit stayed with me till the end of May when I took a lock of his hair and buried it along our favorite hiking trail down in the wilderness above Pagosa Springs. I was on my way down the mountain and was coming up to the overlook we always stopped at. Mr. Virgo used to tell me that if he could take a picture of Heaven, it would be that view. He was the most comfortable there than anywhere he had ever been. I suddenly felt a physical tugging at my right shoulder, as if someone was pulling it back. I pulled over into the lookout and turned the car off. I said, “Sweetheart, do you want to stay here? I know this is Heaven for you. If you want to stay here, that’s fine with me. If I still need you, I’ll talk to you. But really, you can stay here if you want.” In that moment, I felt his spirit lift off my shoulder and this weight I had been carrying was gone. He hovered around me for a bit. We had a wonderful communal, spiritual exchange, I told him I loved him, and then he was gone.
\nThis experience was as real as any I have ever had physically. I believe Mr. Virgo stayed with me to help me through those initial weeks without him. Once he knew I was going to be ok, he went on. I have never felt his presence since then. This comforts me to know where he is. He’s with God, in his version of Heaven. Can it get any more beautiful than that?
\n", "date_published": "2013-09-12T01:30:02-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2013/09/12/rest-in-peace-mr-virgo.html", "tags": ["Grief","Growth","Gratitude"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2013/09/10/mr-virgos-birthday.html", "title": "Mr. Virgo's Birthday", "content_html": "![\"Western](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/6e7bedd00f.jpg\")
“Western Sunset”
The firsts are always difficult. Birthdays, Anniversaries, Holidays…the first ones after a loss bring many emotions. Sadness at the loss. Fondness of the memories. Joy with the knowledge that he got to see Jesus already!
\nMr. Virgo, you are missed by all who knew and loved you. We will meet again!
\n", "date_published": "2013-09-10T01:30:02-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2013/09/10/mr-virgos-birthday.html", "tags": ["Grief","Grace","Love"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2013/08/27/stormy-colorado-sky.html", "title": "Stormy Colorado Sky", "content_html": "![\"stormy](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/1ab531d7aa.jpg\")
“Stormy Colorado Sky”
I love the Colorado sky. I took this the other night and couldn’t believe how beautiful it was in every direction.
\nI’ve actually been home for the last NINE days! Wow…I think that’s the longest stretch since I started “The Grand Adventure” on May 10th. I’ve been a busy bee, nesting in preparation for the change of seasons. I didn’t get to do my spring cleaning this year so I’ve been playing catch up this week. Thank you Deisy, Liz, and Mama Elena for your help yesterday! I just finished shampooing the carpets and I’m doing laundry. It’s beautiful outside and I am so tempted by the Siren Song of the woods. Must…stay…focused!
\nI have a lot of fun planned for the next couple of weeks. I am driving to Denver after work Thursday and anxiously await the arrival of my niece just back from Kuwait. I can hardly wait to get my arms around her and give her a big hug. I am picking up a friend from the airport on Saturday with lots of fun activities planned for next week.
\nI am amazed at how beautiful and sweet life is on this side of summer. I was so broken in March that I was certain the sun would never shine again. By the time I got to May 10th and set out on my travels, I was beginning to feel hopeful. But now? I see life with new eyes and I am so grateful for the chance to begin looking for happiness again.
\nWell, the next load of laundry is ready. The sun is shining, got Scotty McCreary on the radio, and a spring in my step. Look out world…I’m coming to get ya'!
\n", "date_published": "2013-08-27T01:30:11-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2013/08/27/stormy-colorado-sky.html", "tags": ["Grief","Hope","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2013/08/22/sunset-on-storm-king.html", "title": "Sunset on Storm King", "content_html": "![\"sunset](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/2e4969abfb.jpg\")
“Sunset on Storm King”
Oh my, what a perfect day! I worked at the office all day, ran into some really awesome people, stopped at a cool new shop and she loved my jewelry! She wants to sell it in both her Basalt and her Aspen stores. And, there was a special treat on my doorstep. Yes, it was a perfect day! Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!
\n", "date_published": "2013-08-22T01:30:33-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2013/08/22/sunset-on-storm-king.html", "tags": ["Grief","Hope","Growth","Gratitude"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2013/08/17/sisters-on-the-fly-do.html", "title": "Sisters on the Fly do Estes Park!", "content_html": "![\"camper](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/b5cd176ee3.jpg\")
“TOW-Wanda!”
One of the first things I did when Mr. Virgo died was join the Sisters on the Fly. The largest women’s outdoor adventure club in America, SOTF offers women the opportunity to gather and travel together in the safety of groups.
\n![\"woman](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/932088a417.jpg\")
“A favorite jacket…it came from a Nashville entertainer.”
Women helping women. Learning to be girls again. Offering a hand up to the newbies.
\n![\"woman](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/3ec0161bec.jpg\")
“Ginny getting her cowgirl on!”
You can learn to fly fish or cook in a Dutch oven…start a campfire or ride a horse. You can earn badges for lots of fun categories. It is truly the most fun ever and is helping sooth my painful heart.
\n![\"cute](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/7a971bcfe7.jpg\")
“Cute Camper”
I took off on August 14th and stayed till the 17th in beautiful Estes Park. Camping with a hundred other like-minded women goes a long way toward making you feel empowered. Grief often makes you feel powerless.
\n![\"artist](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/cba56e905c.jpg\")
“Artist painting off Old Fall River Road”
![\"White](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/0c11593788.jpg\")
\nI have been running around like a chicken today. Trying to get everything done before the next round of travel. This was taken in the front yard at my family farm. My grandma loved flowers. My aunt told me that all the flowers on the hillside beside the house had been lovingly transplanted from the old home place back on the hill. Grandma was a wonderful woman and was a perfect role model for her family.
\n", "date_published": "2013-07-24T02:00:29-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2013/07/24/clematis-on-the-farm.html", "tags": ["Family","Grief","Positive Energy","West Virginia","The Farm"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2013/07/23/mesa-verde-colorado.html", "title": "MESA VERDE, COLORADO", "content_html": "![\"Mesa](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/e15fc7d317.jpg\")
\nThis is one of Mr. Virgo’s pictures. I am sure you can see the difference in the quality of his photos and mine, but I keep trying.
\nLast night I reached a turning point in my grief process. Every person’s grief is different and no two people run on the same schedule. I was beginning to feel as though I was holding a heavy weight in my lap and it was getting more difficult to stand up. I know that is probably hard for you to believe because I really haven’t sat still very long since my husband died. I felt the heavy burden of grief was keeping me from moving forward in my life so, even though it has only been a little over four months, I made a decision.
\nIn my mind, I built a beautiful shelf with hand carved animals on the trim. Dark wood with a warm finish. On that shelf was an ornately carved box. I took the box down and carefully and lovingly placed my memories of my sweet Mr. Virgo inside. I wrote a long letter and thanked him for every single thing I could remember him doing for me and placed it in the box beside him. Then, in my mind, I placed this precious box on that beautiful shelf. Now I can go by and smile and talk to my man. I can cry with him if I need to. I can take it down and hold it again when I feel it’s necessary for my wellbeing. And now I feel lighter and can stand up again. It’s a beautiful thing.
\nI’m heading out Friday on the next phase of the Grand Adventure…Mt. Rushmore, Grand Mesa, Chicago, Estes Park, Colorado Springs… Stay tuned for updates and photos!
\nThank you for all the new “likes” and welcome to Marshmallow Ranch!
\n", "date_published": "2013-07-23T02:00:20-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2013/07/23/mesa-verde-colorado.html", "tags": ["Travel","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","The Grand Adventure"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2013/07/21/independence-pass-above-aspen-colorado.html", "title": "INDEPENDENCE PASS ABOVE ASPEN, COLORADO", "content_html": "![\"Independence](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/4f395d9405.jpg\")
\n(yes, I stopped the car, Valerie!)
\nJust got back from church. It was held at a private campground today with 10 Baptisms and a potluck. Doesn’t get much better than that!
\nI am cleaning out the trailer and Expedition today in preparation for the trip to Mt. Rushmore on Friday. My daughter Julie is so worried we won’t fit everyone in because I carry a boatload of stuff around with me. Just have to prove her wrong! :-)
\nHope your day is as beautiful as mine is!
\n", "date_published": "2013-07-21T02:00:31-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2013/07/21/independence-pass-above-aspen-colorado.html", "tags": ["Colorado","Travel","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Camping","The Grand Adventure"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2013/07/19/smokehouse-on-the-farm.html", "title": "SMOKEHOUSE ON THE FARM", "content_html": "![\"Old](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/71a5ef6fb2.jpg\")
\nOh, my gosh! I passed 600 likes!!! Thank you all SO much for joining me on this amazing journey. I’m taking a little break here at home doing some deep cleaning that didn’t get done in the spring. I’m enjoying practicing mindfulness as I do each chore. Very Zen, cleaning the stove!
\n", "date_published": "2013-07-19T02:00:07-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2013/07/19/smokehouse-on-the-farm.html", "tags": ["Grief","Positive Energy","West Virginia","The Farm"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2013/07/19/upper-frying-pan-river-above.html", "title": "UPPER FRYING PAN RIVER ABOVE BASALT, COLORADO", "content_html": "![\"Upper](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/93f9f7feb3.jpg\")
\nHere fishy, fishy, fishy!
\n", "date_published": "2013-07-19T02:00:03-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2013/07/19/upper-frying-pan-river-above.html", "tags": ["Colorado","Travel","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Positive Energy","TOW-Wanda!","Camping","The Grand Adventure","Fun"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2013/07/09/home-sweet-home.html", "title": "HOME SWEET HOME", "content_html": "![\"Old](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/6302e8d0c9.jpg\")
\nHome. Home, sweet home. Home is where the heart is. There’s no place like home. West Virginia.
\nAfter an incredibly long delay in Cleveland, my brother and I finally fell in our beds at 1:30 this morning which was 3:30 Eastern Time. Then up early and another 4 hours’ drive with stops along the way before I got Gary to his place. He is a wonderful traveling companion. He reads the road signs, has interesting thoughts for conversation, and is so easily pleased he made traveling a joy. As most of you know, Gary has a developmental disability which he has really been able to work around and learn to live as independent a life as possible. He came to live near me 9 years ago after our mom died. I asked him if he accomplished all he wanted to do in his trip and his answer really surprised me. He said he felt he finally “got WV out of his system”. After many attempts at trying to explain what he meant, I eventually understood that Colorado is the home of his heart now and he is certain he would not be happy living in West Virginia again. I can understand that. He has a life here that he most certainly would not have achieved had he remained in Parkersburg. As a matter of fact, he told me today that if he would have stayed there after mom died, he more than likely would be living in a nursing home now. The reality of that wrenched my heart because it is true.
\nWe drove along in silence for awhile and I told him, while he had discovered the home of his heart is truly Colorado, I had solidified that the home of my heart is West Virginia. I cried when the plane crossed the Ohio River and I touched the ground of “home”. I slept the deep sleep of contentment in my grandma’s bed, listening to the creek out the window and the rain on the tin roof. I photographed everything that I wanted to etch in my memory, as if these things weren’t already permanently embedded in my DNA. I started crying three days before we left just at the thought that I might not be at the farm again, or at least, the clock is ticking. My beautiful, eloquent, erudite aunt is 80 now. She lives at the family farm. She is the last sibling to live there. The others have their own places. Even though I LIVED in Parkersburg, I was RAISED on this farm and it is my home. I have lived in Colorado for 38 years. Doesn’t matter. When I think of “home”, it is this farm. It is my heart. I know every turn in the road, every contour of the land, every sound in the hollow. Just the smell of the earth, the rain, the trees, the flowers, are enough to send my heart soaring. This is my home. My earliest memory is at the table on my grandma’s knee. I shut my eyes and I can see the little girl I was, running to catch lightning bugs in a jar, setting up the moss and the acorns on “Tea Table Rock” with my cousins and our dolls, smushing over-ripe strawberries into my mouth with fat little-girl hands…juices dripping from my fingers and chin. This is my home. This is the place where my beloved Pop-Pop lay in his coffin for three days, resting under the living room window, with my grandma ever vigilant beside him. This is where I learned to cook, to quilt, to can. This is where I learned about God, learned to pray, to go to church, to be a good person. This is where I brought my babies to be rocked and loved on and spoiled as only grandmas can do, where they combed their “Big Grandma’s” hair, and took moon baths by the rain barrel on hot August nights. This is my home, it flows through my veins as surely as my lifeblood.
\nI am certain that these things hit me more deeply this trip because my heart is still tender, my feelings still raw and open after losing the other part of my heart in March. I have already lost so much, must I also lose my “home”? It happens to almost everyone, I suppose. There comes a time when things of the past are just that…the past. I have my children, my grandchildren, my brother, my friends here in Colorado. I have built a life here. But forever, and for always, this farm will be my home.
\n", "date_published": "2013-07-09T02:00:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2013/07/09/home-sweet-home.html", "tags": ["Family","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","West Virginia"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2013/07/08/the-grand-adventure-continues.html", "title": "THE GRAND ADVENTURE CONTINUES", "content_html": "![\"Woman](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/e247a22f9e.jpg\")
\nSitting in Cleveland Airport. Flight is WAY delayed but brother and I will munch on these yummy oatmeal raisin cookies that my sweet aunt made for us this morning. We had a wonderful time in West Virginia. I’m looking forward to editing all my pics and sharing my adventures with you all. We drive home from Denver tomorrow, I see patients on Thursday then back to Denver afterwards. Oldest daughter’s birthday! Friday is an event with Sisters on the Fly…drive-in movie. Fun! Camping with the Grandkids on Saturday, home for a couple of days then off to meet a friend for camping the following weekend. Whew! I’ve missed you all as I have been without Internet and cell service for 12 days….GASP! Talk to you soon!
\n", "date_published": "2013-07-08T02:00:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2013/07/08/the-grand-adventure-continues.html", "tags": ["Travel","Grief","Hope","West Virginia"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2013/06/26/glamping-with-mary-jane-and.html", "title": "GLAMPING WITH MARY JANE AND FLY FISHING - CONTEMPLATION", "content_html": "![\"Glamping](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/5c1dee4eae.jpg\")
\nI have discovered my nemesis. I have coped really well with everything over the last few months. Remarkably well. Then last weekend when I was at a town festival, a gentleman standing next to me started choking and all I could do was stand there. The man needed the Heimlich maneuver and even though I have worked in medicine for over forty years, I was frozen. All I could see in my mind’s eye was my husband in the ER. It really shook me and I had to sit down. Then today, I got a call at 4:30 from my 23-year-old who has been running a fever for 3 days. Once I got her settled back down with instructions and got off the phone, I had a full-blown panic attack from worrying about her health. I understand logically what’s going on but there is no logic when you are in the throes of anxiety. The darkest hour is just before dawn
\nWe are like electric cars when we are recovering from trauma. We tend to toodle along till we run out of juice and have to plug in to recharge. That recharge comes from those we love. Use it too often, you leave them drained. Become drained yourself and when someone else needs to connect to you for your energy, you can’t help them out. I’ve been keeping late nights and early mornings the last several days preparing for this trip tomorrow. When my daughter called, I’m afraid I didn’t have much left to give and I’m sorry.
\nI’m doing well, for the most part. I need to remember this is a process, I need to take care of myself by getting enough sleep, eating right, staying hydrated, and offering myself the same service I offer to others…kindness and compassion.
\nHugs,
\nGinny
\n", "date_published": "2013-06-26T02:00:38-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2013/06/26/glamping-with-mary-jane-and.html", "tags": ["Colorado","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","The Grand Adventure"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2013/06/25/piedra-river-ranch-weminuche-wilderness.html", "title": "PIEDRA RIVER RANCH - WEMINUCHE WILDERNESS, NEAR PAGOSA SPRINGS, COLORADO", "content_html": "![\"Piedra](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/c77e635319.jpg\")
\nI think this would be one of the most beautiful places to live. Mr. Virgo and I lived not too far from here in 2008 for about a year. I was a little disturbed that the trees didn’t fully leaf out till June, but what little time we had off together was absolutely beautiful. We often drove up Pagosa Boulevard out and back down Plumtaw Road to Piedra Road. We made a day of it and hiked and had picnics. This ranch was pretty much the end of the road in this one section and it really is stunning. It was a beautiful summer, except for the part where Mr. Virgo wrecked the ATV and was in the hospital for a week, but that’s a story for another day.
\nIt was all good till the leaves started falling off in August. Then I realized just how high we were, and it wasn’t from something we were smoking! Winter came with a vengeance. It started snowing on the first of December. We probably had a foot of snow on the ground. One night when we went to bed, it was snowing but didn’t think anything of it. When I got up the next morning and went in to make coffee, I noticed I couldn’t see out of the kitchen window. But sometimes the snow blows sideways and sticks to windows so again, I didn’t think anything of it. We got ready for work and decided to drive in together. We raised the garage door and there, as far as you could see, in a very nice level plane, was 5 feet of snow! I know this because I am 5'5" and this snow came to my nose! Have I mentioned that I really HATE snow? I know, I’ve lived in Colorado since 1975 and I really HATE snow. And the older I get, the more I hate it. That year, it snowed 7 feet of snow in less than 2 weeks. It snowed so much that they ran out of places to put it. Thank goodness that job only lasted till January and we were out of there. So yes, in this picture, it is a beautiful, peaceful place to live.
\nI have decided this winter is going to be different. I am going to go somewhere where the sun shines and the sea whispers my name. Where I can bury my toes in the sand and my nose in a book. Where I can have little drinks with exotic ingredients and paper umbrellas brought to me in my chaise lounge. Someplace warm and wonderful. I have a friend who lives in Belize who has been after me for the last 13 years to come visit her. I think I just might do that come January or February. Yep, gonna hit the cheapo airfare sites and give myself something wonderful to look forward to! But first, I am heading home to the beautiful hills of West Virginia. My home of origin. I’m heading out of here tomorrow and will visit with my daughters. Hubby #1 and his family are in town visiting so I get to see them. Then my brother and I will fly to WV on Thursday. Lots of fun things are planned there so I will take lots of pictures and post as I can. Cell and Internet are spotty in the Mountain State.
\nTalk to you soon!
\nHugs,
\nGinny
\n", "date_published": "2013-06-25T02:00:23-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2013/06/25/piedra-river-ranch-weminuche-wilderness.html", "tags": ["Colorado","Travel","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Positive Energy","TOW-Wanda!","Camping","The Grand Adventure"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2013/06/24/canoe-chapman-dam-state-park.html", "title": "CANOE - CHAPMAN DAM STATE PARK, COLORADO", "content_html": "![\"Canoe](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/9ae33f49b5.jpg\")
\nAnother photo from my tacked on, 4 extra day, camping trip last week. Isn’t this soothing? I sat here for hours and contemplated that red canoe. Oh, what I could do with a red canoe! I would take it out on beautiful, clear mountain lakes, drop a line, read a book, take a snooze, get a few good snapshots of wildlife, perhaps. These trips are just what I need right now. I’m not getting anything done at the house. I don’t like being in my house. Mr. Virgo isn’t in my house anymore. It’s like it’s not even my house. Like it’s crying. Like it has somehow misplaced a part of itself and it can’t figure out what to do next. No, wait, that’s me. I’m ok, really. It’s just that, right now, I don’t like my house. And for now, that’s ok, too.
\nLast Saturday, I decided to clean out Mr. Virgo’s closet. My son-in-law can use some of the things and my daughter works at a poor, inner-city school and she will find someone who can use the rest. That’s good. These things should go to someone who can use them. But I forgot something very important. I forgot Sunday was Father’s Day. I woke up, grabbed my iPad to check the news, e-mail, weather, and Facebook to see what the world was up to. And there they were…well wishes to all the Dads out there. And I was sitting there, no sweetheart to wish Happy Father’s Day to, and to add insult to injury, his clothes were in bags on the floor surrounding what used to be OUR bed. I sat there and contemplated that. I decided I really didn’t need to be sitting there, looking at what was left of his snappy wardrobe, and perhaps start to feel sorry for myself. This just wouldn’t do. This is what I bought a travel trailer for. I keep it packed and at the ready for emergencies such as this. I went away, I fished, I read, I napped, I drove, I hiked, I cooked, and then I came home. And now I am ready to take another bite out of this apple!
\n", "date_published": "2013-06-24T02:00:27-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2013/06/24/canoe-chapman-dam-state-park.html", "tags": ["Colorado","Family","Travel","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Camping"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2013/06/24/080021.html", "title": "COLORADO WILDFLOWERS - WEMINUCHE WILDERNESS, ARCHULETA COUNTY, COLORADO", "content_html": "![\"Colorado](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/aa1aeff2ce.jpg\")
\nI have been receiving wonderful feedback from so many people regarding my writing, my travels, my journey through grief, my jewelry, my photography, my “adventurous spirit”. You are telling me that I inspire people. That I remind you to love yourselves so you can be of service to those you love. I even had a lovely lady tell me she had lost her husband several years ago and always wanted to do what I am doing but was afraid or didn’t think she could. Now she is searching for her own trailer! I am humbled.
\nYour love and support are so touching they often make my eyes leak! I know this site started as a page to promote my art and jewelry business and that is what most of you signed up for. There is still, of course, a component of the site that is directed towards that promotion. But with the changes that have come with losing Mr. Virgo, my focus has obviously shifted tremendously. For those of you wanting to see more jewelry, I’ll get to that again as I feel motivated to create. If you don’t want to wait or aren’t interested in what I’m doing now and want to unlike the page, I’ll understand. Talking about death and grief isn’t pretty most of the time. But for those of you who have found inspiration, who have been motivated to make changes in how you think about and live your lives, I am so grateful you are sticking around to see what I might be up to next. My goals are to write every day, travel as much as possible, take tons of photos, create artistic jewelry (or whatever strikes my fancy at the moment), and be of service to others. I truly feel I have met my calling, my purpose in life.
\nI know we don’t want to think about it and we certainly don’t want to talk about it, but statistically, us gals are more likely to be left, in one way or another. My fervent hope is to show that just because our loved one is gone doesn’t mean WE are gone. My plan is to gather my writings at the end of a year and put them together into a book to help others feel OK about exploring the world around them, no matter if it’s a month or 16 years after the funeral. If I have inspired you, or touched your lives in any way, I only ask that you share my page with others, so that I may serve others in any way I can. Thank you all so much…I love each and every one of you! And, thank you God, for showing me my path and gracing me with an abundant life!
\nHugs,
\nGinny
\n", "date_published": "2013-06-24T02:00:21-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2013/06/24/080021.html", "tags": ["Colorado","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Camping"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2013/06/22/rainbow-trout-chapman-dam-campground.html", "title": "RAINBOW TROUT - CHAPMAN DAM CAMPGROUND", "content_html": "![\"Rainbow](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/a92d694976.jpg\")
\nToday was busy…dentist, eyeglass place to install new lenses in my glasses, but then off to the first afternoon/evening of Strawberry Days. Fun seeing people I hadn’t seen since LAST Strawberry Days and great music. I caught the trout Wednesday afternoon. Let’s see…
\n$80 for 4 days campsite fee\n$36 for Colorado Fishing License\n$30 for half a tank of gas up and back\n$55 for new Rod & Reel\n$ 5 for worms\n$10,000 for trailer
\nThat trout cost me $10,206! It was REALLY, REALLY tasty!
\n", "date_published": "2013-06-22T02:00:53-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2013/06/22/rainbow-trout-chapman-dam-campground.html", "tags": ["Colorado","Grief","Hope","Camping","The Grand Adventure","Fun"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2013/06/21/colorado-wildflowers.html", "title": "COLORADO WILDFLOWERS", "content_html": "![\"Colorado](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/3e72bda33a.jpg\")
\nI called my second ex-husband (yes, Mr. Virgo was hubby #3. Third time’s the charm, right?) to wish him Happy Father’s Day. He was driving and a captive audience so we had a nice, long conversation. The subject came around to the question of how I am doing. After awhile, he commented that this whole process is really complicated. As usual, I think of what I SHOULD have said a day or so after the fact. What I should have said was, I don’t look at it as complicated. Complicated has a certain negative connotation to it. I look at my loss and the grief that follows as complex and multifaceted. You figure out one thing at a time but you are faced with an ever changing landscape to navigate. I view this whole process as a diamond. The more facets there are, the more valuable it is. The more lessons I can learn. The more directions I can grow. We are faced with many losses in life. When you face yours, look for the diamonds.
\n", "date_published": "2013-06-21T02:00:47-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2013/06/21/colorado-wildflowers.html", "tags": ["Colorado","Family","Grief","Positive Energy","Camping"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2013/06/15/bear-creek-falls-above-the.html", "title": "BEAR CREEK FALLS ABOVE THE BOX CANYON - OURAY, COLORADO", "content_html": "![\"Box](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/789ce0c880.jpg\")
\nAs a widow, I have been finding myself still having trouble making a real meal. I mean a real, fix-a-few-things-and-sit-at-the-table-and-eat kind of meal. I had dinner with my dear, “little brother” last night and he cooked. It was a simple meal…an Indian dish served over rice. But it kick-started me into rethinking my dining habits.
\nMr. Virgo did his PhD thesis on the loss of real dining as a society, so meals in our home were an occasion. I know I have spoken of this before, but thought I would revisit the issue since it has been three months since he died and I’m still not really cooking the kind of meal I could sit down and savor.
\nMy food preferences have changed drastically over these last months. Mr. Virgo was an Irish, meat-and-potatoes man and rather than cook two meals, I ate the same thing. I gained weight. I never slept well. I had headaches. I was pre-diabetic last time I had my blood checked. Not good things. After I started getting my appetite back, I really was SO hungry for fresh, fresh, fresh foods. Salads, steamed veggies, and crisp, cool fruit became my mainstay. I do have fish once in awhile. I love tofu and I eat eggs a few times a week. I am sleeping better and have no headaches. I haven’t had my blood retested, but I am sure things are better there, as well.
\nWhen I went to the store today, I made up my mind that today I would cook. I would have a real meal and take the time to sit down and really taste the food God has been so gracious to provide for me. I love this time of year when the market is full of yummy choices in the produce department. Tonight I nibbled on a few garlic and herb pita chips dipped in spicy, three pepper hummus while I prepared my meal. For my main course, I had wild mushroom agnolotti with Mediterranean olive, sun-dried tomato, and lemon bruschetta and some shaved, aged Parmesan topping. I also had a few lightly steamed asparagus spears and an ear of bi-color corn. I loved how the lemon in the bruschetta gave off a pleasing aroma as it sat on the warm pasta. The crisp, fresh bite of the asparagus was a lovely contrast and what isn’t to love about a gold and white ear of sweet corn?
\nOf course, it’s different not having someone to converse with over the evening meal. I don’t have TV and I swear I’ll never eat another meal in front of one as long as I live. So, I read some of an Oprah magazine. The topic? Loving the age you are! How wonderful life is. I hope you all have a grand evening, as well.
\nGinny
\n#grief, #widow, #travel, #dining
\n", "date_published": "2013-06-15T02:00:12-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2013/06/15/bear-creek-falls-above-the.html", "tags": ["Colorado","Travel","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Positive Energy","Camping","The Grand Adventure"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2013/06/15/red-mountain-pass-on-the.html", "title": "RED MOUNTAIN PASS ON THE MILLION DOLLAR HIGHWAY", "content_html": "![\"Red](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/cec63c6b4b.jpg\")
\nAnother shot from The Grand Adventure, Part 2. My friend, Sue, and I had just watched the Iron Horse Classic where crazy people race the train from Durango to Silverton. For those of you who have driven that, you know what a major deal that would be. For those who have done it, I’m sorry I called you crazy. :-)
\n", "date_published": "2013-06-15T02:00:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2013/06/15/red-mountain-pass-on-the.html", "tags": ["Colorado","Travel","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Hope","TOW-Wanda!","Camping","The Grand Adventure"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2013/06/12/great-horned-owl-rocky-mountain.html", "title": "GREAT HORNED OWL: ROCKY MOUNTAIN NATIONAL PARK", "content_html": "![\"Great](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/f8444b4ad0.jpg\")
\nWhen Mr. Virgo and I traveled, we were always on the lookout for wildlife…which we seldom saw. This trip is amazing…wildlife around every corner…literally!!! Thank you, sweetheart! ![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/0b57df9989.jpg\")
![\"Sisters](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/fda303f23d.jpg\")
\nAnd there she is….TOW-Wanda! Dressed in all her finery at the “Home on the Grange” event for Sisters on the Fly! I knew that coat was going to come in handy some day!
\n", "date_published": "2013-06-12T02:00:51-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2013/06/12/sisters-on-the-fly-and.html", "tags": ["Colorado","Travel","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Hope","Sisters on the Fly","Positive Energy","TOW-Wanda!","Camping","The Grand Adventure","Fun"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2013/06/12/old-homestead-sylvan-lake-state.html", "title": "OLD HOMESTEAD, SYLVAN LAKE STATE PARK - EAGLE, COLORADO", "content_html": "![\"Old](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/3d9521e351.jpg\")
\nTomorrow is my 60th birthday. I never dreamed when I celebrated my 59th that it would be my last birthday with Mr. Virgo. It’s funny how just when you thought you had it all figured out, life hands you something you need to learn how to handle to survive. But, as my dear friend Patty tells me, it’s not whether you survive that counts. It’s whether you can thrive that counts…a sort of “Bloom where you are planted” theory. I like that. So, here’s what I did today. I went out and bought a fly-fishing rod and reel and booked a guided wade trip for July 18th when the Green Drakes are hatching and I’m going to learn a new skill that will not only give me something fun to do, but will also help me meet other like-minded individuals to expand my social circle. I’m telling you, if my 60’s are as much fun as my 50’s were, I’m in for a heck of a treat!!!
\n", "date_published": "2013-06-12T02:00:17-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2013/06/12/old-homestead-sylvan-lake-state.html", "tags": ["Colorado","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Camping","The Grand Adventure","Fun"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2013/06/11/lupine-in-the-morning-sunlight.html", "title": "LUPINE IN THE MORNING SUNLIGHT", "content_html": "![\"Lupine](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/1d608c6adf.jpg\")
\nLupine catching the first morning rays. Sylvan Lake State Park.
\nToday was the memorial for Mr. Virgo at the Ritz Carlton in Aspen Highlands where he worked. So many nice things were said. I had the opportunity to address the staff (around 100 or so were there). Then we went out and dedicated the pine tree they planted off the side of the patio of the restaurant he managed. The fellow that Mr. Virgo hired to play guitar every Wednesday in the lobby was there. He just loved my husband and said every time he played this song, he would walk by and give him a big thumbs up. He proceeded to sing John Denver’s “Annie’s Song”. I’m fine in these situations till I hear music then I’m a mess. But it was a lovely event and they served Philly Cheese Steak sandwiches in honor of Mr. Virgo’s Philadelphia roots. The ladies and gentlemen of the Ritz are a lovely group of people.
\nAfter the event, I drove up to Maroon Bells which, of course, are stunning! All in all, a beautiful day.
\n", "date_published": "2013-06-11T02:00:59-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2013/06/11/lupine-in-the-morning-sunlight.html", "tags": ["Colorado","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Camping"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2013/05/26/dallas-divide.html", "title": "DALLAS DIVIDE", "content_html": "![\"Dallas](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/4a36506cb8.jpg\")
\nTomorrow I head home from Part 1 of The Grand Adventure. I have had a fabulous time on this trip and have truly enjoyed my visit here with Sue. She lives on 10 acres overlooking Mesa Verde. We got up this morning and practiced yoga on the southern patio. Then we walked around the property and she showed me places where pottery sherds from the Anasazi just lie out on the open ground. Amazing! There is also a beautiful canyon on the back of the property. Yesterday we went early to Silverton and watched the end of a bike race, visited with friends, and then drove to Ouray for lunch. Afterwards, we drove to Ridgeway and soaked at the Orvis Hot Springs (clothing optional…scandalous!!!) We got home in time to see the beautiful moonrise over the La Plata Mountains, had a fire and made S’Mores. The day before was a day of trekking around Durango and out to dinner with friends. Lots of photos I will be posting. I go home tomorrow and regroup for the trip Thursday to Denver and on to my first Sisters on the Fly event!
\n", "date_published": "2013-05-26T02:00:25-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2013/05/26/dallas-divide.html", "tags": ["Colorado","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Positive Energy","Camping"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2013/05/20/treasure-falls.html", "title": "TREASURE FALLS", "content_html": "![\"Treasure](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/bd3ce3a963.jpg\")
![\"Small](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/671b5e5d22.jpg\")
\nDays 6 & 7 of the Grand Adventure, Part One:
\nI got a good early start yesterday and drove to Salida. Stopped at Mr. Virgo’s and my favorite breakfast place on that stretch of road. We used to stop there all the time when we lived in Pagosa Springs. What a gorgeous, sunny, blue-blaster day! I stopped and took this photo of TOW-Wanda parked at the scenic overlook near Buena Vista. Those are the Collegiate Peaks behind her.
\nGot to the RV park and backed my trailer into her spot, slick as a whistle! I am right by the Arkansas River and fortunately it’s early in the season so there are no bugs. Unfortunately, I caught my OWN kind of bug. I stayed with family in Denver and they had been passing something around and of course, by the time I got here, I was sick. :-( I haven’t done much more than sleep and read, but you know, there is not much prettier a place to be if you aren’t feeling well. I’m loaded up on Zyrtec and Aleve and made myself a big, spicy bowl of soup and I’m feeling much better.
\nI went into town to visit my friend, Emile. She is doing so well and her consignment shop, Free the Monkey, is going gangbusters. If you ever find yourself in Salida, look her up. (I bought a beautiful black sweater from Jones New York for 7.95!) Had a little emotional moment today. Whenever Dan and I traveled, we always bought a Christmas ornament to remind us of where we had been. There is a little Christmas store here and I went in to browse, and carry on the tradition. I looked around and went back in the back to have a tearful moment, then came back out and chose a beautiful metallic-embossed aspen leaf. Mr. Virgo loved aspen trees. As I was leaving the shop, there was a Western themed tree and there, hanging just for me to see was…an armadillo. Now, you wouldn’t think that was funny, but I burst out laughing. Mr. Virgo used to tell me a story about the armadillos in Texas. His golden retriever would chase them. Then he would mimic the sound the armadillo made as it ran and I’d lose it laughing at him…this big, mountain man going “nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn”. So, I bought that one too and will laugh every time I see it!
\nTomorrow, I’m up early and heading to Pagosa Springs. I am really looking forward to hanging out at the hot springs and soaking! Maybe a massage? Once I get settled there I can work on some jewelry and herb garden markers. Talk to you soon!
\n", "date_published": "2013-05-17T02:00:04-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2013/05/17/days-of-the-grand-adventure.html", "tags": ["Travel","Grief","TOW-Wanda!","The Grand Adventure"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2013/05/13/the-grand-adventure.html", "title": "THE GRAND ADVENTURE", "content_html": "The snow is melting in the high country and I am off on an adventure…The Grand Adventure, to be exact. I tried reading self-help grief books and they just did not speak to me so I am going to go out and grieve in my own way…one campfire at a time! My first stop has been in Denver to visit with my family and get my camper stocked up for my trip. My mail is being held. My neighbor’s are keeping an eye out on the house. My only responsibility it to me…to listen to my heart and follow where it leads. TOW-Wanda!
\n", "date_published": "2013-05-13T02:00:24-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2013/05/13/the-grand-adventure.html", "tags": ["Grief","Hope","TOW-Wanda!","Camping","The Grand Adventure"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2013/04/22/towwandas-maiden-voyage.html", "title": "TOW-WANDA'S MAIDEN VOYAGE: 4/22/13", "content_html": "![\"Ford](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/2ce532ddf6.jpg\")
\nHere she is… “TOW-Wanda!” on her maiden voyage! I got home from church yesterday and was faced with a ton of paperwork and sunny skies. So? What’s a girl to do? Why…go camping, of course! This is at Rifle Gap Reservoir State Park, about 20 miles from home. I figured my first trip or two should be local till I get the hang of things. What a hoot! It was pretty nippy so the furnace kicked on several times during the night. I had the fridge turned down too low and woke up to frozen OJ this morning. Also, I want to add some padding to the lower bunk bed because it was a bit too firm for my taste. Other than that, a perfect first-time experience!
\n", "date_published": "2013-04-22T02:00:54-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2013/04/22/towwandas-maiden-voyage.html", "tags": ["Travel","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","TOW-Wanda!","Camping"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2013/04/09/what-a-difference-a-day.html", "title": "WHAT A DIFFERENCE A DAY MAKES", "content_html": "![\"Man](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/2b468fe274.jpg\")
\nWhen I last posted here, my world was still in one piece. It was a Friday. There was a blizzard. I worked in the office that week instead of getting anything done in the studio. I went out the day before and bought an Expedition so Mr. Virgo and I could travel in comfort and enjoy life instead of waiting till retirement. He texted me that morning to tell me he loved me and to see what I was up to. At about 2 in the afternoon, he called to see what was for supper. As he always did, he called me at 5:30-6:00 to tell me he was just leaving the parking garage. We talked till he got halfway home then I scooted into the kitchen and got the food going. I sat back down in the living room and called him back, just to hear his voice. I told him to let me know when he got to the bridge and I would get back in the kitchen to put the finishing touches on his favorite dish. Then, back to my perch in the living room to watch for his headlights. When I saw him turn into the driveway, I jumped up, flung open the door, waited till he was out of the car so he could hear me, and yelled “BABY!”. He turned to me and smiled and said, “Hey, honey!” I told him, “Get yer butt in here!” and he said, “I’m a tryin’.” He came in the door, tired, but grinning from ear to ear and said, “Mmmmm, that smells great, babe!” and I pretended to blush and said “Come on, let’s get your coat off so I can give you a big hug!” Every night, same thing. Never, EVER got tired of that man’s homecoming. It was an EVENT!
\nI don’t know what I did on Saturday and Sunday. I’m sure I worked in the studio, but didn’t post on here. Mondays and Tuesdays were sacred…they were for us. He was really tired on Monday, and I had to get something ready to send to the printer, so he rested on the couch for a while. It was a nice, lazy day with a nice lazy dinner that evening. Tuesday dawned, beautiful and sunny. I fixed him a nice breakfast and asked him if he’d like to go for a ride in the new car and go see travel trailers. He lit right up and said that sounded like a perfect day. I did up the dishes and we set off for the next big town, about an hour away. We commented how nice this new car was for holding hands while you drive…a major prerequisite in purchasing a car in our house. We talked about where we would like to take the trailer on our first trip in May. We laughed and told stories, and caught up with what was going on in our lives. We got to the RV dealer and someone said to just take our time and browse…they were all open. It was a warm morning and we walked toward our future, hand in hand.
\nIn the fourth trailer, I noticed he was grimacing and asked him what was wrong. It was his shoulder, he said. It really hurt. I asked him to sit down on the sofa for a minute. Concerned, I asked him if he thought I needed to take him to the doctor, and much to my amazement, he said he thought I’d better. This is a man who fought in Vietnam. If he tells you he needs to see a doctor, something is terribly wrong. Now, I’ve worked in medicine for over forty years. I know what questions to ask and what to look for. I asked if he hurt anywhere else and he said yes and pointed to his neck. I told him to wait right there and ran to get help and have them call 911. I wasn’t gone 60 seconds and when I got back, things were really bad. I had the guys that were with me put him down on the floor of the trailer in case I had to do CPR. I elevated his feet and yelled for an aspirin. One miraculously appeared! I made him chew it. I kept yelling to him to hold on, the paramedics were coming, just please stay with me. I finally whispered in his ear. “I love you, handsome man” and he said, “I love you, too.” And that is the last thing we said to each other. Because he was only sixty-two, they worked on him for about four hours, but there was nothing they could do for him. The cardiologist said the type of heart attack he had is called a “widow maker”.
\nThat it was.
\nToday marks four weeks since my sweetheart left me. Our 6th Wedding Anniversary was the day before yesterday. I can breathe now, not great, but I can. I can look at his picture and talk about him without bursting into tears…sometimes. I feel him with me. I talk to him and I imagine what he would say. And, since I asked Jesus into my life 8 years ago, I know I will never be alone. But oh, how I miss him! His sweet smile, his clear blue eyes, that shock of silver hair, his rapier wit, his hugs, his quiet, steady breathing as he lay beside me at night. I feel as though half of me is paralyzed. It’s there, but I just can’t feel it, I can’t move it. This grief is like walking through tall grass. You start to move forward, carefully at first, and then take bigger strides, and BAM! You step on the rake that was hiding in the grass and it comes up and smacks you right between the eyes!
\nI will get through this. I have had heartbreak before and survived. What makes this worse is the finality. The waves of grief that come out of nowhere. The planned life that is just….gone. The uncertainty. Sometimes, there just are no words.
\n", "date_published": "2013-04-09T02:00:37-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2013/04/09/what-a-difference-a-day.html", "tags": ["Family","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2013/04/07/the-first-first.html", "title": "THE FIRST FIRST", "content_html": "Today would have been our 6th Wedding Anniversary. I am saddened by my own loss and empathize the pain others are feeling for their losses. Now, I get to make a choice. I can lay here in this bed and cry all day, or I can reach out to those who were with us that beautiful spring day and celebrate the gifts we were given! Ok, maybe just 5 more minutes, then I’ll get up.
\n", "date_published": "2013-04-07T02:00:39-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2013/04/07/the-first-first.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2013/04/04/what-its-all-about.html", "title": "WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT", "content_html": "Girls, this is what it’s all about! Don’t put your dreams off till tomorrow because tomorrow may never come. Can’t wait to get on the road with these gals! youtu.be/0qclYXX5e…
\n", "date_published": "2013-04-04T06:00:49-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2013/04/04/what-its-all-about.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2013/04/04/a-new-trailera-new-life.html", "title": "A NEW TRAILER...A NEW LIFE", "content_html": "So, I got home from Denver yesterday with the new trailer! Yay! Spent the afternoon putting things in it and started decorating. I’m going with a turquoise and red theme from the 40’s/50’s. I had a mailbox full of cards which was very nice. I had several packages of supplies that were delivered. And one box from a friend back home in WV. I opened it and there was a beautiful quilt she had made for me. It has the Lord’s Prayer on it. What a sweet gift! Thanks Ginny! Check out her page at Log Cabin Country Quilts in Marietta, OH
\n", "date_published": "2013-04-04T02:00:43-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2013/04/04/a-new-trailera-new-life.html", "tags": ["Travel","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","TOW-Wanda!"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2013/03/31/thank-you-ranchers.html", "title": "THANK YOU, RANCHERS", "content_html": "Welcome to all my new friends! For those who have been following along the past month, if I have not thanked each of you personally, please forgive me. Thank you all so much for your love and support as I navigate this new path without my sweet Mr. Virgo. You all are awesome! I will be picking up my new trailer on Tuesday morning and heading back home. I’m really looking forward to getting back in the studio! Happy Easter, everyone!
\n", "date_published": "2013-03-31T02:00:56-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2013/03/31/thank-you-ranchers.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2013/03/24/trying-again.html", "title": "TRYING AGAIN", "content_html": "![\"Little](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/65652e16fa.jpg\")
\nSo, the lady with the pretty, pink trailer has not responded to my e-mail since I asked her about wood rot so maybe there’s writing on the wall here. I am talking with a fellow near my house who has this one. A little disappointed in the color choice but I suppose it wouldn’t take much for an auto body shop to paint it pink! This one might be better because it has been totally rebuilt from the chassis up. New wood frame, new electric, propane lines, brakes, and tires. All original wood interior has been refinished and as you can see, new paint. She could be “Red Bird” or “Redbud” or “Ruby Rose”! I’ll be looking here in Denver as well so we shall see!
\n", "date_published": "2013-03-24T02:00:09-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2013/03/24/trying-again.html", "tags": ["Grief","Hope","Camping"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2013/03/21/possibility.html", "title": "POSSIBILITY", "content_html": "![\"Little](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/7d4c884a90.jpg\")
\nI’ve come to a big decision…since Mr. Virgo and I were standing in a travel trailer picking one out for retirement, I’ve decided to move forward with our plans and buy a little travel trailer of my own! I know I need to put something joyful in front of me or I’m never going to make it through this. What do you think of this little baby???
\n", "date_published": "2013-03-21T02:00:03-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2013/03/21/possibility.html", "tags": ["Grief","Hope","Camping"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2013/03/20/sisters-on-the-fly.html", "title": "SISTERS ON THE FLY", "content_html": "Have any of you heard of “Sisters on the Fly”? I’ve been lusting after their vintage travel trailers for quite some time now. I ordered their book and it arrived today. They are an organization of women with vintage travel trailers who join up and caravan together to different areas of the country and camp for a few days. There’s safety in numbers and they do a lot of activities like fly-fishing, horseback riding, antiquing, cooking, and just hanging out creating a sisterhood. I just joined and I’m waiting for my Sister number. Next, I’ll be on the lookout for a vintage trailer. I envision taking part in these gatherings as well as taking my art studio on the road to sell/market my jewelry. Something to look forward to. And fulfilling a dream that Mr. Virgo and I had. (OK, he wanted a new trailer and I wanted a vintage, so I guess I win that argument.) I am doing well tonight. Much better than last night. I have to work tomorrow so it’s lights out here at Marshmallow Ranch. Love you all!
\n", "date_published": "2013-03-20T06:00:11-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2013/03/20/sisters-on-the-fly.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Sisters on the Fly"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2013/03/20/back-in-the-studio.html", "title": "BACK IN THE STUDIO", "content_html": "I finally got back in the studio for a while today. Of course, it is very good therapy. I have my ups and downs as is to be expected. I made four prototype Travel Treasures necklaces today featuring horses and horse racing. I’m getting ready to send them to Louisville, KY to an upscale boutique who may be interested in featuring them in the shop for Derby Days. Keep your fingers crossed! Welcome, new friends! Thank you for dropping by and liking my page.
\n", "date_published": "2013-03-20T02:00:12-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2013/03/20/back-in-the-studio.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2013/03/18/a-difficult-week.html", "title": "A DIFFICULT WEEK", "content_html": "Well, this was a difficult week but I’m on the other side of it so I must “Keep Calm and Carry On” as Her Majesty says. The funeral was Saturday and it was truly a most wonderful tribute to a great man. All the family is gone so today I got my hair done and worked at the office for a few hours. The rest of the week will be filled with paperwork and appointments then my daughters want me to come spend Spring Break with them. My oldest daughter took me to Lowe’s yesterday and we bought the coolest tool box on wheels. I’m going to transfer my studio tools and supplies into it so I can be mobile. I haven’t attempted any jewelry yet, but I did just get some great silver iced tea spoons in the mail today so I am pretty jazzed about that. My studio is unfortunately in disarray as everything got tossed in there when preparing for company last week. That’s what I get for overflowing into the spare bedroom! Thank you all for your wonderful words of love and support this past week. You have no idea how much it has meant to me! And welcome to all my new friends who are following me. I will be back in full force before you know it!
\n", "date_published": "2013-03-18T02:00:40-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2013/03/18/a-difficult-week.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2013/03/15/where-it-all-began.html", "title": "WHERE IT ALL BEGAN...", "content_html": "![\"Handsome](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/0fddf6f270.jpg\")
\nI come to you today with great sorrow. I lost my beloved husband two days ago of a sudden, massive heart attack. He was my love, my soul mate and my best friend.
\nI won’t be in the studio for awhile but I will still check this page and monitor sales. Please keep our family in your prayers and I’ll be back as soon as I can.
\n", "date_published": "2013-03-15T02:00:43-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2013/03/15/where-it-all-began.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Strong Women"] } ] }