Health on Marshmallow Ranch

When Things Don't Quite Go as Planned

Tue, 08 Jul 2025 04:45:00 -0600

After taking two days to get here and thirty hours without sleep, I discovered that it was just the beginning of my vacation misadventures. The morning after my arrival, I noticed a small spot on my foot about the size of a postage stamp. Within two days, it was obvious I had cellulitis. I remember my sandals rubbing on my foot on the first day of travel. Then I walked what felt like a hundred miles through airports on those dirty, germ-filled carpets and got an infection. My foot was hot, red, and swollen by Saturday, so I went to a Quick Care. I was given an antibiotic and instructed to return if it wasn’t better. It was worse this morning. Another trip to the Quick Care and a different antibiotic with instructions to go to the ER if it wasn’t any better in 24-48 hours.

My brother, whom I will be visiting next week, was admitted to the hospital. They’re keeping him a second night, and he’s now agitated because he wants to go home. For those of you who are new, my sweet brother has Cerebral Palsy and lives in a group home here in Colorado. It’s about a four-hour drive to where he lives, and I’ve got this thing going on with my driving foot, or else I would have driven there Sunday. Please keep him in prayer. I hate that he’s going through this.

Argh.

The only upside is I’m forced to rest, with my foot elevated and warm compresses applied. Nothing to do but visit with family and crochet or knit. Naps are nice, too. I’m limited in my ability to do all the great baking I want. So, I have concluded… if we don’t listen to the whispers of God when He tells us to slow down, He’ll go further and whack you a good one. I hope you all are doing well. Please keep the folks of Kerrville, TX in your prayers.

💜

Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body. 1 Corinthians 6: 19-20 ESVText within this block will maintain its original spacing when published

***Gratitude Journal***   Today, I am grateful to be surrounded by family who love me and the ability to rest… even if it IS forced.

So THIS is What Real Food Tastes Like!

Sat, 07 Jun 2025 04:30:00 -0600

I padded into the kitchen at around 8:30 yesterday morning. I turned on the teakettle and emptied the dishwasher while it heated. I watched a little hummingbird hovering around the feeder. We haven’t seen very many this year. We need more feeders. I also want to put out bird houses. The Carolina Chickadee and the House Martin abandoned the little birdhouses in the backyard. I think there was too much activity for them. I’d like to set some posts in the pollinator gardens with birdhouses to offer more nesting spots.

When the water boiled, I fixed my cup of RYZE mushroom coffee and settled in the Big Red Chair to wait for Mr. FixIt to get moving. I turned on the television and opened YouTube. I’m almost finished with the class Sue Becker did on baking with Fresh Milled Flour. It’s informative and has answered some questions I’ve had. She has an Ankarsrum Mixer that I would LOVE to have. I watched her kneading the dough, and it looked much better than my Kitchen Aid Pro. The problem is it’s $749.95 online! Yikes!!! Maybe someday.

When Mr. FixIt was settled in HIS Big Red Chair, I headed to the kitchen to make breakfast. I found a recipe in Sue’s cookbook for Basic Multi-Grain Pancakes. I got all the ingredients in place, and when it was time to add the flour, I poured the necessary amount of wheat berries in the NutriMill. I used half Soft White Wheat and half Spelt grains. It took less than thirty seconds to grind the flour. I added the salt and baking powder to the freshly milled flour, whisked it together, and poured it in the bowl on top of the combined wet ingredients. You don’t want to stir too much when you’re making quick breads like pancakes, muffins, and cakes or you can develop the gluten and they get tough.

I had pancakes on the griddle less than two minutes after grinding. OMGosh! I’m not sure I can explain how amazing they were! I’m telling you, it’s like I never knew flour had FLAVOR. My tastebuds were doing the tango! I will use up the commercial flour I have by baking for others. But I’m hooked on fresh-milled flour. Oh, and. Mr. FixIt told me THREE times how good those pancakes were! We’ve got a winner, folks!

Mr. FixIt went out and mowed the fenced-in part of the yard while I cleaned house. It looked like it was going to rain, so I went out to the garden to trim back the yellowing leaves and fertilize the tomatoes. We have quite a few tomatoes set on our tomato plants, and they look great, but the lower branches keep turning yellow. I’m hoping the fertilizer helps. I got it on just in time before the rain started.

Today will be kinda slow. Mr. FixIt is going to his company picnic, and I’m going to bake bread! I will try to film it for you…or do a Facebook Live. I hope you enjoy your weekend!

🩵

For the Scripture says, “You shall not muzzle an ox when it treads out the grain,” and, “The laborer deserves his wages.” 1 Timothy 5:18

***Gratitude Journal***   Today, I am grateful for discovering eating the way God intended…with whole grains, whole foods.

The New Flour Mill Arrived!

Fri, 06 Jun 2025 04:30:00 -0600

I’d love to say I did an unboxing video and demonstrated how to grind the grain into flour. I DID do that…I just didn’t hit RECORD! Argh! I didn’t catch it till I was finished and felt like an idiot. It was hot in the kitchen, so I spent the afternoon lying in front of the fan, reading about my new toy and watching a baking class on YouTube given by Sue Becker…the Queen of FMF. This course is over five hours long, so I have to watch it in segments. You can watch it here if you like.

I’m happy to report that all the parts and papers were in the box. I also have Sue Becker’s book The Essential Home-Ground Flour Book. I know it seems like a lot to do when I’ve been baking bread for sixty years. Baking with home-ground flour is a different animal. And since a significant amount of time and money is invested, I want to become proficient in it. (Cue the perfectionist!)

Everything I’ve read about the Nutrimill Classic says to grind two cups of wheat berries, then throw the flour away. Ohhhh, that was so hard to do. I paid good money for those grains. It gave me a chance to see and feel the flour, though. I know the next time I run the mill, it will be set on a finer grind because the bran and germ were noticeable. It felt a little gritty.

This is a learning curve…not only grinding the grains but also getting the camera right…not to mention a whole new way of baking. Videos are coming soon, I promise. It’s a little harder to get excited about baking bread when it’s 90°…out AND in! Before I know it…I’ll be mowing again. I love summer!

💜

For day and night your hand was heavy upon me;
my strength was dried up as by the heat of summer. Selah Psalm 32:4

***Gratitude Journal*** Today, I am grateful to have the equipment that eases my bread-baking journey.

The Saga of the Grain Mill

Sun, 01 Jun 2025 04:30:00 -0600

I’m a sucker for trends. I’m a Gemini…I want to do all the things! I’ve done this with sewing machines, those cute little circular knitting machines, and the Ninja Creami. I have an entire appliance garage in the office off the kitchen. “Hi, my name is Ginny, and I’m a trend addict.” I have really good intentions, but I’m so easily distracted by sparklies!

My current obsession is Fresh Milled Flour. It’s all the rage on YouTube, and I follow at least a dozen “influencers” on the subject. I started baking bread in the late ‘70s. I had the entire collection of Mother Earth News magazines and fancied myself as some latent, back-to-the-land hippy. Never mind that I lived in East Denver on a busy street in a farmhouse that predated the surrounding area by at least 50 years. If I had known you could mill flour at home, I would have jumped at the chance.

Fast forward five decades, and here I am, living on a five-acre homestead in West Virginia. Saying we’re retired is a misnomer. We’re busier now than we ever were working and raising kids. At least, it seems like it. I haven’t entirely jumped into the prepper movement, but I have committed to making our food from scratch with the healthiest ingredients I can buy. Being on a fixed budget means we buy in bulk at the best prices, as well.

Once I finally decided to make the investment and get a home grain mill, everyone else was on the bandwagon, and mills were scarce as hen’s teeth. I had researched the different types of mills and decided to buy a manual one. buyer’s remorse set in almost immediately when I started thinking about the actual application of using something I had to not only manually grind, but also to carry it back and forth and clamp it to my counter. I ordered a return label before I even received it.

While I was originally thinking a manual mill would be best in case of long-term power outages…not entirely unrealistic in this day and age…I ultimately decided to buy a NutriMill Classic. It’s a high-speed unit that grinds about any hard grain and only weighs thirteen pounds, as opposed to thirty-eight for the manual mill. I think it will work great for my needs. It arrives sometime this week.

I’m determined that this will be a healthy lifestyle change that is sustainable and won’t be a fever-dream of obsession that burns out quickly. Stay tuned for more adventures—indoors and out!

ᓚᘏᗢ

And God said, “Behold, I have given you every plant yielding seed that is on the face of all the earth, and every tree with seed in its fruit. You shall have them for food. Genesis 1:29 ESV

***Gratitude Journal***   Today, I am grateful that God is opening my eyes to eating real food and treating my body like the temple it is.

Mr. FixIt’s Got an Owwwwy

Thu, 15 May 2025 01:30:00 -0600

Poor Mr. FixIt. He was a rough and tumble guy all his life and he’s paying the price with back pain. We’ve been jumping through the usual hoops…first, Physical Therapy…then, injections (for the last couple of years)…and now, an ablation. If you don’t know what that is, they find the exact nerves that are sending crazy pain signals and then…well, then they torch them. I know, right? It sure doesn’t sound pleasant to me. But they say it should ease his pain tremendously and last for at least a year. I’m sure hoping so, because he’s been miserable for so long and it affects his ability to do a lot of things he loves.

I sat in the cubicle while he was back in the procedure room. The ablation takes about three times as long as the injections so I was prepared with some knitting. Everything was fine, then I heard something on the overhead.

“Stroke alert, Room 16. Stroke alert, Room 16.”

My heart sank. I felt the all too familiar surge of adrenalin course through my body and thought…”No, no, no! Not again!” I took inventory of what was going on around me.

Did the person calling the alert sound like it was an emergency?

No.

Did the staff in the Spine Center seem on alert?

Not at all. It was as though they didn’t even hear it.

I told myself, if they aren’t worried, I’m not worried. But I’m telling ya…I was sure relieved when I heard Mr. FixIt’s sweet voice as they wheeled him back to me. I whispered a quick, “Thank you, Jesus!” and tears stung my eyes.

So, we live to see another day.

He did well. We need to keep ice on for 20 minutes then off for 20 during the first 24 hours. When the numbing wears off, he’s liable to have quite a bit of pain and wonder if he should have done this. But, after the first week, things start to settle down then improve steadily for the first month. I’m hoping this is a good fix for him so he can enjoy life again. He deserves some relief from this incessant pain.

We stopped on the way home and bought six lavender plants for the pollinator gardens. While Mr. FixIt snoozed the afternoon away, I puttered in the back yard with planting things. I mowed the back yard after supper but it had gotten so thick and deep. Our push mower is a piece of junk, so finally I gave up and brought the riding mower into that confined space. It took a lot of maneuvering but it was SO much quicker…even with the time it took to blow the grass off the sidewalks with the leaf blower.

By the time I got all that done, I was beat. I’m glad we don’t have much to do in the coming week!

🩵

“A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit saps a person’s strength.” ‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭17‬:‭22‬ ‭NLT‬‬

***Gratitude Journal***   
Today, I am grateful for the good doctors that care for us. I am grateful God sent us on this journey together so we could be each other’s helpmates through life.

Old Friends and Old Stories

Tue, 25 Mar 2025 01:30:00 -0600

I was so excited to see my friend and her husband yesterday. We had such a great time laughing and sharing photos and old stories. Mr. FixIt has never met them so we all had a big time visiting. It was really windy yesterday but beautiful. We came back to town and went to visit Mr. FixIt, Jr. and family. It’s always good to spend time with the kids. We were home before dark and I was ready to call it a day. I don’t know about you, but anymore…when I have the alarm set for an early morning wake up, I hardly sleep the night before. My subconscious is afraid I’ll sleep through it so I’m awake every half hour or so. Consequently, I was ready to write at 8:00 last night and bed shortly after.

I took my friend one of the baskets I crocheted and tucked a couple of the homemade pop tarts I made Sunday evening. I wanted them to have something special and who doesn’t love a nosh when you’re staying in a cabin? We stopped at Menard’s on our way home. We needed a new solar light for the address post at the end of the driveway. We always find something there we didn’t know we needed till we saw it! lol

I want to give you an update. Hubby #2 has finally been discharged after his kidney transplant and is home! I know several of you are on dialysis and/or waiting for a transplant and you may be wondering how he got through the system so quickly. I didn’t know this at first, but apparently, when you’ve already had a transplant and need another, you get bumped up the ladder. I think that’s done in order to protect and preserve the transplanted organ. He feels great and is so grateful. He told me he absolutely couldn’t have gone through this without God carrying him and all the prayers that went up for him. So, thank you from the bottom of my heart for those prayers. I’m so happy we have this space to offer each other prayers and support when it’s needed.

The whole world may seem to be burning to the ground, but there is so much beauty at the same time and opportunities to express gratitude. Here are some pictures of the grounds of Marshmallow Ranch at sunset last night for your enjoyment!

See you tomorrow!

💚

“Heal me, O Lord, and I shall be healed; save me, and I shall be saved, for you are my praise.” ‭‭Jeremiah‬ ‭17‬:‭14‬ ‭ESV‬‬

***Gratitude Journal*** Today I am grateful that our prayers were answered and my daughters’ dad got to come home from the hospital after his kidney transplant. Hallelujah!

A Roller Coaster Ride

Fri, 14 Mar 2025 01:30:00 -0600

Wouldn’t it be nice if things would just stay on an even keel for a little bit? Last year was one thing after another like a punching bag and this year seems to be shaping up the same way. A dear friend was just diagnosed with cancer and fortunately we live close enough we can offer help as needed. An I know this is small potatoes but with the cutbacks and a possible shutdown looming, we may have to cut out a lot of the travel this year. But that’s ok…it could be God’s way of saying we have more important things to do here.

I’m about ready to throw in the towel on this sourdough stuff. I tried to make another levain yesterday and it was watery again. I think I’ve figured out what is wrong. They didn’t have King Arthur flour at the store the other day so I bought White Lily. My sourdough smells different and it’s not at all pretty. When we go to town tomorrow, I’ll buy King Arthur and see if that makes a difference. I think White Lily is great for pastry and biscuits, but not yeasty things.

I went out the the camper last night and the sky was simply gorgeous. There was a Blood Moon around 2:30 this morning and I’ll let you know tomorrow if I had the wherewithal to watch it. I remember seeing a Blood Moon not too long after Mr. Virgo died. My next door neighbor was out of town and I was watching her house and her dog. She said I could use the hot tub whenever I wanted, so I went out and watched the eclipse while I soaked. It was incredible! It was really cold and that hot water felt great…but getting out and running to my house next door was rather chilling to say the least!

We’re heading into town today to have a late breakfast with my bonus daughter. Then Mr. FixIt has an appointment later in the afternoon. I’m almost finished with the taxes. I need a form that somehow got thrown away. It could take two weeks to get it mailed to me. I tried to go online and download it but the website is having technical difficulties. I maybe they’ll fix it soon. I talked to technical support and they said it could be two or three days. I like things that work. 🙄

It’s supposed to be really rainy here this weekend so maybe I can finally sit down and work on some projects!

💚

“When I look at the night sky and see the work of your fingers— the moon and the stars you set in place— what are mere mortals that you should think about them, human beings that you should care for them?” ‭‭Psalms‬ ‭8‬:‭3‬-‭4‬ ‭NLT‬‬

***Gratitude Journal***  
Today I am grateful to be able to help our friend in her time of need. I am grateful for her good doctors and pray for them to have steady hands and watchful eyes. Please pray for this cancer to be removed from her.

Coyotes at Three

Sat, 01 Mar 2025 02:30:00 -0600

I had a hard time getting to sleep Thursday night. I tossed and turned and just could not settle my mind and body. I finally started to drift off when a pack of coyotes started howling…close! The must have been down along the creek at the edge of the near field. It wasn’t long and they were off again, but if you haven’t heard that eerie ruckus, let me tell you…it makes the hair stand up on the back of your neck. I woke up every hour the rest of the night and awoke having a very weird dream. As I’m writing this Friday night at 10:00, I’m sure hoping I have a better night’s sleep.

Mr. FixIt is trying to fix the lid on the console in his truck. We’ve been working on it for the last couple of weeks. A new one costs $700!!! And we can’t find just the piece that’s broken. I’ve suggested we use magnets to hold it closed so that’s the next thing we’ll explore. I mean…it’s a 2007. We’re not sinking a lot of money in it.

We had a nice dinner for a change last night. I made Southern Shrimp and Grits. Oh, it is SO good. We had enough leftover to have a bit for lunch today. Daughter #2 is feeling a little better…still pretty tired. Hubby #2 had his dialysis catheter removed yesterday! His kidney numbers are looking so much better…almost completely normal. He told me last night that, in 2024, only 300 people over the age of 65 had dual transplants. A sobering thought…he is a member of an elite club and that privilege is not lost on him. He and his wife went to church right after the procedure yesterday to give thanks. We are all so grateful to still have him. And so appreciative of all your thoughts and prayers. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

It’s supposed to be a little cooler here for a few days. I do believe Tuesday might be the first night I get to sleep in the camper! The low that night is predicted to be 53° and that’s quite comfortable for sleeping.

And here it is….March!!! I always feel like I’ve finally made it through winter when March comes to West Virginia. Wahooooo!!!

☘️

“Then shall we know, if we follow on to know the LORD: his going forth is prepared as the morning; and he shall come unto us as the rain, as the latter and former rain unto the earth.” ‭‭Hosea‬ ‭6‬:‭3‬ ‭KJV‬‬

***Gratitude Journal***   
Today I am grateful for the good news about Hubby #2’s health. My kid’s dad is a pretty special guy and he is loved by so many. I’m so happy he gets another chance at life!

At Home in the Country

Tue, 25 Feb 2025 02:30:00 -0600

When I was growing up in West Virginia, I could hardly wait to get out of there. I saw the place as old and behind the times. I wanted something…anything but what was here. When Hubby #1 joined the Air Force, I was thrilled to get out and see the world and live a more exciting life than what Appalachia could afford us.

Our first station was in England and was an amazing experience. But I was homesick…not so much for WV, but for my family. We decided to have a baby and Daughter #1 came along a year later. Life then took us to Colorado, the marriage fell apart, Hubby #2 came along and ten years later Daughter #2 followed. When marriage fell apart again and eventually Mr. Virgo entered the picture and I thought…this is where I’ll spend the rest of my days.

Well, just like John Lennon said, life is what happens when you’re making other plans. Mr. Virgo died and West Virginia beckoned once again. My life came full circle. I had dreams of a home in the country, but it just didn’t pan out in Colorado. I thought I had become ever so sophisticated…being a doctor’s wife and living in the big city. The closest to living in the country I ever got was the first house Hubby #2 and I bought. A five bedroom log house on two acres with a commanding view of the Flattops Wilderness Area.

Living with Mr. FixIt on our five acres is wonderful. But nothing compares to sitting on the front porch at my Grandma’s old house. It recharges me. As I sat out there yesterday afternoon…the sunbeams on my face…I searched my mind for other memories sitting on this porch. Sunday afternoons when the neighbors showed up for a visit and a cup of coffee with a sliver of pie. Sitting by my grandma stringing green beans for the canner. Watching my kids catch lightning bugs in a jar.

So much warmth and memories here. A life in the country is such a blessing. Spring is on the horizon and I’m here for it.

🩵

PS: After I wrote this last evening, Daughter #2 let me know she was being admitted to the hospital with this terrible respiratory illness that’s going around. Her wife stayed with her at the ER till they said they were admitting her and then went home. She’s coming down with the same thing. I would really appreciate it if you would send up some prayers for them both!

🙏🏼

“The Lord sustains him on his sickbed; in his illness you restore him to full health.” ‬‬ ‭‭Psalm‬ ‭41‬:‭3‬ ‭ESV

***Gratitude Journal***   
Today I am grateful for the excellent care my daughter will receive at the hospital. I worked in the Professional Building there for years and it’s the best! I’m grateful she has much better coping strategies today to keep her anxiety in check.

Another Monday Morning

Mon, 03 Feb 2025 02:30:00 -0600

No one told us when we were growing up that we’d get to a certain age and our family members and friends and peers would die at what seems like an alarming rate. I hate to admit I’m that person who looks at the obits…almost first thing in the morning. I’m not only looking locally, but I’m also checking the obits in the area where I lived in Colorado. It’s maudlin.

Every week it seems there’s someone else. For Mr. FixIt, too. He was an engineer in one of the local plants and a lot of his workers were smokers and drank a bit. They lived a hard life so he’s lost a lot in the last few years. It’s sad to see so many of our classmates gone, as well. I keep track of them on our class page and the number keeps going up.

We spent a lazy weekend at home. We have a family member in the hospital that we are praying for. I baked two dozen sourdough English muffins yesterday. I made them a little smaller this time…mainly to cut the calories per portion. But these are a little too small. They’ll still be eaten though. I need to make sourdough sandwich bread today. We’ve gone through two loaves in a little over a week. I store it in the fridge to reduce the risk of molding. I can’t believe my weight is staying stable with eating all this bread! As long as I don’t pack on the pounds over the winter, I can lose more when I get more active. We’ll be mowing before you know it.

Time marches on, doesn’t it? I’m sharing a post from February 2020. The world didn’t know Covid yet, but it soon would. It’s about my elderly aunt that I came from Colorado to help in her last years. It’s another lesson in loss.

[www.marshmallowranch.com/when-you-...](https://www.marshmallowranch.com/when-you-know-its-time/)

“But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.”

‭‭1 Timothy‬ ‭5‬:‭8‬ ‭ESV‬‬

***Gratitude Journal***

Today I am grateful for the friendship of the former Mrs. FixIt. She is such a dear person and I cherish her.

#eldercare, #dementia, #family

The Continuing Saga of The Knocked Noggin

Fri, 31 Jan 2025 02:30:00 -0600

I slept great Wednesday night. I got up feeling “not myself” which isn’t surprising with a bonk on the head. I fixed breakfast but I was low energy then Mr. FixIt decided to take my truck in to get it inspected. I got my wallet to give him some money and I couldn’t figure out how to take money out of my wallet. THIS was one of the signs I needed to look for. So, I called my PCP’s office and her nurse was like, “You get to the ER right away!” Kinda scared me so as soon as my sweetheart got back, he took be to the hospital. And, as luck would have it, it was one of their busiest days EVER. We got there a little before 4:00 and it was after 10:15 when we got out. They did a CT and it was clear. They gave me a concussion checklist of do’s and don’t’s. We were both really hungry so we stopped at Wendy’s on the way home. We pulled into the driveway at 11:00 and I was whupped! We were in bed in less than ten minutes. I just need to take it easy for a few days…which is kinda what I’m doing anyway! lol I’ll be back tomorrow!

Knocked my Noggin

Thu, 30 Jan 2025 02:30:00 -0600

I was still in bed yesterday morning when Mr. FixIt asked if I wanted to go to IHOP for breakfast and then the DMV. Sounds simple, right? Ahhh…there’s no such thing as a simple trip to town when you live twenty miles away.

I was down for pancakes so I got ready, fixed my RYZE, and headed to town for what I knew would be at least a four hour trip. I always take a list so I don’t forget things and it was going to involve several stops.

The DMV didn’t take very long, surprisingly. We went to Sam’s, Aldi, and Lowe’s and headed home. All told, we were gone exactly four hours. Our primary goal when we got back was to get the other headlight put in Mr. FixIt’s truck. It went in without a hitch and looked super! The only thing is the right turn signal light isn’t working right so we need to get a new bulb.

I was getting the flat of water out of the bed of the truck. I shut the tailgate and bent over to pick up the water. Just then, I got hit in the back of my head with what felt like a baseball bat. I saw stars! It was the tailgate that fell open and hit me. If you don’t get that thing latched just right, it will fall open. The bonk on the head didn’t hurt all that bad, but as the evening went on, I could feel the muscles in my neck and upper back getting sore like whiplash. I’m fine. I know what to look for medically, so I’m not concerned. Just another bump in the road…errrr, noggin.

I didn’t do much of anything the rest of the evening. Mr. FixIt made us some supper and we watched the news. We don’t have a lot coming up. Saturday is Mr. FixIt’s birthday. I’ll fix him a special supper that night and we’ll celebrate next Wednesday with a bowling party with the family.

The cold spell has been broken…for the time being. The highs are up in the 50’s and it actually hits 60° on Monday! I called to get a report on Gracie, the camper. The gal said she looks beautiful but it still could be three more weeks or so before she’s ready. We can’t bring her home just yet anyway because the snow hasn’t quite melted and when it does, the ground is going to be really soft so I’ll have to back her in all the way down the curved drive to her parking space. OMGosh! I’ve missed her something awful and can’t wait to camp…even if it’s on our property.

Isn’t it funny…when it get’s down to 50° we think it’s freezing. But in February, when it gets up to 50° we’re praising Jesus that it’s almost over!

☀️😎☀️

“My people will abide in a peaceful habitation, in secure dwellings, and in quiet resting places.” ‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭32‬:‭18‬ ‭ESV‬‬

***Gratitude Journal***
Today I am grateful for my health and my hard head. We take our health for granted and as we get older, accidents just happen more often. Mr. FixIt was quickly at my side and took good care of me all evening.

#accident, #errands, #repairs

MORE Soup!

Sun, 19 Jan 2025 02:30:00 -0600

Even though we still have a container of leftover broccoli cheese soup, I had stew meat in the fridge that needed to be cooked. I have hardly any room left in the freezer. So I made a big pot of beef stew with carrots, onions, celery, mushrooms, parsnips, a small can of diced roasted tomatoes and stewed tomatoes. I added a spoonful of beef soup base from Sam’s, a good spoon of minced garlic, a generous shake of black pepper, just a little salt, and two shakes of Cajun seasonings for a little kick. When you cook by guesswork and your senses, it isn’t easy to make dishes taste the same as those before it. This one came out just perfect. So now we also have two containers of beef stew to add to the leftover rotation.

Mr. FixIt’s foot looked slightly better today and he said it was no longer hurting like it did Friday night. I believe he got nipped by the cold but not severely. I’ll keep an eye on it. Maybe now he’ll wear boots when he goes out to feed the birds instead of mesh tennis shoes. Men…gotta love ‘em, even when you want to shake ‘em by the scruff of the neck sometimes.

I watched Big compete in another swim meet yesterday. They were swimming against a pretty good team. It’s hard to keep up with the scoring of a swim meet. I’ve never really understood all the workings, but it was fun to watch my girl on the screen. When the meet was over, we watched football and that’s pretty much how we spent our day.

Oh, I did crochet some more on the market bag. The video that shows how it’s made lasts an hour and a half. I’m making the same size and so far I’ve been working on it since New Year’s Eve and only have about 3-4” done of the sides. My ADHD brain gets easily sidetracked! Ohhhhh…SPARKLIES!!! We’re heading back into a deep freeze today with more snow a low of 4° tonight!

Stay warm, my friends…and wear boots when you go outside!

❄️🩵❄️

“Therefore, stay awake, for you do not know on what day your Lord is coming.” ‭‭Matthew‬ ‭24‬:‭42‬ ‭ESV‬‬

***Gratitude Journal***
I am great full to have lived many years in a state of peace and tranquility. Even in the face of uncertainties, I am grateful to have a warm and safe home, clean water, and fresh food.

#faith, #cold, #health

A Good Heart

Thu, 08 Aug 2024 01:30:00 -0600

A lot went on during our trip out west. Things I wasn’t at liberty to talk about at the time but I’ve since gotten permission to share. I haven’t told you a lot of things so I’ll go back in time to catch you up. Three years ago, we went to Colorado in September for my brother’s 70th birthday party. Hubby #2 was there with his wife because we’re all still family and we love each other. I noticed his ankles were really swollen. The first thought that came to mind was, “Something’s wrong with his heart.” I’ve worked in medicine much of my life…I know some things.

A few months later, he called me to tell me he had a genetic abnormality that caused an enzyme secreted by the liver to harden his heart. There is no cure. There was only one option at the time and that was a medication. It wouldn’t cure the problem, but it could extend his life by a couple of years. The only thing was, the medicine was $125,000 a year. Big Pharma had the corner on the market for people with this very rare condition. We all prayed for him and the gears turned quickly. He was able to get the medication but it was still $1500 a month out of pocket. I’m just grateful he could afford the drug…too, too many cannot.

The medication did its thing and Hubby #2 indeed had a pretty good couple of years. Till he didn’t. He had an elective surgery then things went downhill quickly. The day we left for our trip to Colorado, I got three calls. My brother was on his way to the ER with chest pain, elevated pulse, and his blood pressure was dropping. My son-in-law’s parents came down with covid. AND, my second husband was being admitted to the hospital for IV medication to get some of the excess fluid out of his body.

The trip didn’t get started on the right foot.

Fortunately, my brother was fine. He just needed some fluids. We made other arrangements to give Ben and Sue time to get over Covid. But there was still no improvement with Hubby #2. He was told the medicine wasn’t working anymore and the only option left was a heart transplant. He called me again to let me know he had lived a good life…he was ready to go. There are three genetic mutations that could cause his disease. Two with bad news…one with good. He thought his genetic mutation was one of the bad ones. That meant, even if he went ahead and got a transplant, the enzyme would harden the new heart and he’d be in the same position in two more years. He didn’t want to get a heart that could truly help someone if he was just going to die anyway in a relatively short time.

Twenty-four hours later, the entire situation changed. It turned out Hubby #2 had the wild gene…the good one. They were transferring him to Denver for an intensive three days of testing to see if he was a good candidate for a transplant. He told me he was so scared. I told him, “Listen…you’re a doctor. You know you get all the facts first then make a decision. Go. Get the testing. If you aren’t up for it, we’re behind you 100%. Nobody is going to hate you for your decision. If you decide to get the transplant, we’ll be right there making sure you have everything you need. We've got you. God’s got you.”

His is a story of courage, bravery, and faith. Hubby #2 went on a rocky ride tangling with these three character traits when he looked death in the face. He had excellent mentors to counsel him on his walk. And he has a wife of strong faith to encourage him, to stand beside him and love him through all of this. He had a successful transplant on July 3rd…the day we got to Ben and Sue’s house. Counting the time before he was transferred to Denver, he spent eight weeks in the hospital. He was discharged from the hospital the day we left Colorado to come home. He still has to stay in Denver till three months after the surgery before he can go to his own house.

I’m so proud of him. It took incredible strength to do what he did. And, I’m so happy for him. My heart breaks for the family who lost a loved one in order to save one of our own. I hope they find comfort knowing there are lives out there saved by their selfless and beautiful gift. I am forever grateful my children didn’t lose their dad and there wasn’t another widow among the ranks.

God’s hand was on this situation from the beginning.

Please, if you can…become a donor so you can help others have the chance to live better lives. It means the whole world to the recipients.

💖

“Just as water mirrors your face, so your face mirrors your heart.”
Proverbs 27:19 MSG

#hearttransplant, #heartdisease, #family, #courage, #strength, #bravery, #faith

Patience is a Virtue

Wed, 15 May 2024 01:30:00 -0600

Ever since I was a little kid, I’ve been impatient. I couldn’t wait for Christmas and I had to look for presents. I couldn’t wait for the Easter Bunny, or my birthday, or anything else that might have a happy ending. So, after Mr. FixIt and I voted yesterday, I asked if he would care if I went camping a day early. He is so accommodating and of course he didn’t mind. So I had the camper hooked up and ready to go in an hour or two! I was so excited to see Gail and we chatted for a half hour or so then we both turned into pumpkins and had to say goodnight. I’ll get to camp here till Saturday so there’s plenty of time to visit.

I soaked those vintage tablecloths in the Retro Clean solution for twenty-four hours then ran them through another wash and it’s amazing how well it worked. Almost all the stains came out and they’re so much brighter looking. I dried them, folded them carefully, and brought them with me to make some curtains while I’m here.

There is a symphony here in the woods. The frogs are calling like crazy. I saw a huge pileated woodpecker on my way up here. It was working on a rotted tree stump and looked all the world like Woody Woodpecker. I love my drive here as I follow the Ohio River the whole way. River boats and pleasure boat, fishermen floating along the banks hoping to get a mess for a fish fry. It’s the perfect time of the year to camp. Comfortably warm days with comfortably cool nights. Even though rain is in the forecast, it’s still a great place to be.

The site I had reserved for Wednesday to Saturday was taken last night so I had to rent the one next to it. My site will open up today and I’ll just pull down one space and then I can set up the camper and unhook.

I received news on my way up here that my brother had to make another trip to the ER yesterday with a rapid heart rate. All his tests were negative so they sent him home, but he needs to drink more fluids. Please keep him in your prayers that he will drink more water so he won’t keep getting these wonky heart rhythms. Gail suggested they get him one of those machines that make sparkling water with flavors in it. I think that would really help him so I’ll check on that today. Bless his heart…he’s just aging so quickly and it hurts.

🩵

“Dear friend, I pray that you may enjoy good health and that all may go well with you, even as your soul is getting along well.”
3 John 1:2 NIV

Three Days in a Row

Thu, 18 Apr 2024 01:30:00 -0600

Do any of you remember Lazarus Department Store in Columbus? It was THE place to go shopping for really upscale fashions. We found this small hatbox in the antique store. Does anyone wear hats anymore?

You know how much I LOVE going to town, right? Well, we couldn’t help it…we had to go three days in a row. So, while I was there yesterday, I made sure there was NOTHING I would need from town which entailed multiple stops. The big chore yesterday was getting the preventative care on the transmission on my truck done before our big trips coming up. I especially worry because we tow with that vehicle. Every once in a while you can hear the transmission slip just a bit. The last time that happened, the transmission fluid was a little low. I was very pleased when the mechanic said there weren’t any metal shavings in the fluid he took out. With new fluid and a new filter, it runs like a new truck and I’m a happy camper!

The downside of getting the transmission service is, it takes forever. You drive it in and they need to let the truck cool down. Then they test drive it to listen for any problems. It has to cool down again before they can actually do the service. We dropped the truck off at about 8:30 in the morning and went to breakfast. I really didn’t want to just meander all over town, so we went to our friend Joe’s house. It is their second home and no one was there. I stitched and knitted while Mr. FixIt watched TV.

Along in the afternoon, we headed to Sam’s to pick up a few things and stopped at an antique store Mr. FixIt hadn’t been to. We had such a wonderful time talking with Mr. Modesitt. He showed us some items from his personal collection which were magnificent. Mr. FixIt has never met a stranger, and this fellow certainly had the gift of gab, so I enjoyed a fair amount of uninterrupted browsing.

By the time we were finished at the shop, we decided surely the truck must be finished so we headed to the garage. The receptionist called just as we pulled into the lot so it was good timing. Mr. FixIt went on home and I had two more stops on the way. After supper, I told my sweetie that I’m NOT leaving this house unless it’s an emergency!

We have so many things to do to get ready for the trip to the beach next week. That’s the priority for the next coming days. That and mowing…both places. I had my second Shingrix vaccine on Monday and this one has kinda kicked my butt. Headache, muscle aches, fatigue, fever, upset stomach…the works. I’ve read that doctors are finding some people aren’t returning for that second dose, which is a shame. Shingles is not something you want to get. I had a very mild case a few years ago and even that was unpleasant. I can’t imagine what people go through when they have a full blown case. A couple of days’ upset is worth the 90% prevention rate you get with it.

The weather forecast included some severe thunderstorms and as I am writing this at 8:36PM last night, it is scheduled to begin later in the evening. I’ll let you know tomorrow how it turned out, but according to the radar, I think it will hit farther north than we are. My bestie Gail said she and two of her daughters and their families gathered in her basement for the 6:00 wave which included a tornado warning.

Be safe out there, my friends! You are precious!

🌷

”Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”“
Deuteronomy 31:6 NIV

What a Wonderful Retreat!

Sat, 23 Mar 2024 01:30:00 -0600

Shark Slippers!

I’ve had such a great time this week with Gail and Janine! Janine had to leave yesterday morning to try to get home before the big rains hit. She made it just in time! It’s been raining here in East Palestine since around 5:00 last night.

I got a lot accomplished while I was here. I knitted about two inches on Sue’s second sock. I finished knitting and felting this beautiful hat from wool that Gail spun. And I got the first shark slipper finished for our dear friend, Lesa.

The Finished Hat

We ate lots of yummy foods and I’m happy to report the scale did NOT go up! Our friend Jan came yesterday morning with Baked Oatmeal and Fruit Salad. I fixed grits, as well. The girls loved them. I didn’t realize we were actually supposed to go to Jan’s farm for breakfast! Somehow our wires got crossed, but we’ll definitely have to go out there next time.

Gail sat with her spinning wheel last night while I worked some more on Sue’s socks. The house was so quiet after our friends were gone. Gail and I are good about working side by side. We don’t have to have a lot of conversation. We just know each other so well and we’re comfortable in our silent fellowship.

Apple Crisp

I can hardly wait to get home to see Mr. FixIt! And he’s just as anxious to have me back! He worked on cutting up the trees he felled last week. I’m sure he’ll be happy to have some help at Marshmallow Ranch!

I was saddened to hear of Kate Middleton’s report of cancer. It must be incredibly difficult to live in the limelight and have every move scrutinized. I truly hope people will back off and leave them alone now…give them some privacy and let the family deal with this in their own way.

Let’s all be good humans and lead by example.

🌷

”and to make it your ambition to lead a quiet life: You should mind your own business and work with your hands, just as we told you, so that your daily life may win the respect of outsiders and so that you will not be dependent on anybody.“
1 Thessalonians 4:11-12 NIV

What a Difference a Year Makes

Sun, 17 Mar 2024 01:30:00 -0600

I went to town yesterday with the intent of getting my hair cut. But, after blowing my hair dry on Friday evening, I started having second thoughts. When I walked into the salon, Kendra took one look at me and said, “OMGosh! I love your hair!!!” It had been a year since I was there and my hair had grown at least six inches or more.

The photo on the left is what I WANTED the December 2022 haircut to look like. Unfortunately…the one on the right is what I got. I should have known better than to go to a cut rate shop…you get what you pay for sometimes.

As I was preparing to sit in the chair, she looked at me and said, “Are you SURE you want to cut it?” I had decided before I walked in…I really didn’t. We decided to trim the bottom because the shorter parts of the horrible cut I got a couple of years ago had finally grown out enough to even up the hairstyle. I wanted to do something with the bangs because they had become unruly. We opted to feather them into a curtain bang that could be worn swept to the side or down.

When we were finished, I was thrilled. Kendra kept saying how strong and healthy my hair is. No split ends or broken off areas. I attribute that to taking collagen supplements this past year and being really careful with my hair…protecting it and using a good quality repair and strengthening shampoo. I haven’t used color on my hair since long before Mr. Virgo died but it truly looks blonde in these pictures, although in the sunshine, it’s really silver.

I ran a few errands and treated myself to lunch at Qdoba then headed home. Again, I worked on the taxes, making little progress, but every step forward is closer to being done. Mr. FixIt called me outside to look at the sky. It was a gorgeous day with feathery white clouds like wispy strands of cotton stretched over an azure sky. I love springtime in West Virginia. The warm days and pretty flowers bring us hope for the days ahead. As I drove home, there is a curve you come around that opens up to a view of flowering trees and daffodils. I always smile, but this time, the huge weeping willow across the road was now a beautiful spring green as the leaves burst forth in all their glory.

Looking for joy in everything, every day brings so much more peace than engaging in fights with strangers on social media, don’t you think?

Happy St. Patrick’s Day…Erin go Bragh!

☘️

”The Lord announces the word, and the women who proclaim it are a mighty throng:“
Psalms 68:11 NIV

Too Much Stimuli

Thu, 29 Feb 2024 02:30:00 -0600

Ever since Covid started and we became sequestered in our homes, I’ve become far more sensitive to stimuli. Excess noises, bustling activity, too many things happening at once and I need a little quiet time to regroup. This didn’t bother me in my earlier working years. I mainly worked in hospitals and medical offices. At one point I had my needlework shop and that was busy. I was the “downtown shop girl” in Glenwood Springs. I worked one day a week in three different shops so my mind had to be nimble.

I’m not saying I’ve become “too old to cut the mustard” but time and solitude has changed my ability to tolerate chaos with any regularity. Mr. FixIt and I left the house yesterday morning at a little after 8:00. It was storming…the wind was blowing, thunder was crashing all around, and the rain was coming down in sheets. I drove carefully over to the doctor’s office in Belpre and we found our seats in a crowded waiting room.

The TV on the wall to my left was just loud enough that I could hear, but not loud enough to make out the words. There was music coming from the speakers in the ceiling. A little toddler was sitting with his dad babbling his sweet baby language and watching a cartoon on a phone. The man on the other side of Mr. FixIt was watching a video documentary about Taylor Swift on HIS phone. I sat with my book open on my lap willing myself to block out the cacophony around me.

It was almost an hour before they called us into the office, and another fifteen minutes before the PA came in. I had an appointment at 11:00 and I kept glancing at the clock, hoping I wouldn’t have to cancel my appointment at the last minute. Fortunately, we got out of there in plenty of time. When we pulled out of the parking lot, there was a car on fire in the entry to the Emergency Room. Now…THAT person was having a bad day!

I dropped Mr. FixIt off at the mall to walk some laps and went to my appointment nearby. I never have to wait long, but this time it was twenty-five minutes before I was called back. I’m sure you all know, but Medicare provides us a free annual physical. My PCP is very thorough and I wasn’t out of there till 12:30. I am happy to say I’m in excellent health! She was very please with my progress.

By the time I picked up my sweetie at the mall, we were both beyond hungry so we went to our favorite diner for lunch. Afterward, we stopped at Mrs. FixIt 1.0’s house and visited with her and my WV daughter who had one of our little great grandsons with her so that was delightful! He is such a sweet little guy!

Yesterday was Big’s 20th Birthday!!! We got to visit via video chat. Swim season is over and she is enjoying a little down time…if you can call carrying all those college classes “down time.” I can’t believe she is twenty years old!!! It wasn’t that long ago she was this little sweet pea that went to the book store and shopping for shoes with me. Her very first sentence was “Shopping for shoes!” What an amazing young woman she is.

We stopped for a couple of things at the grocery store and headed home and I was never so glad to snuggle into my Big Red Chair and pick up my knitting. I had a nice little break from the keyboard the last couple of days and I’m fresh and ready to get back in the game. I still want to get over to the farm for a few days pretty soon, but we have some things to take care of around here first.

It’s Leap Day!!!

If you were born on February 29th…then, HAPPY BIRTHDAY! You’re a lot younger than your contemporaries! Oh, and by the way…there are daffodils blooming in Parkersburg! It was 69° yesterday morning when I woke up…and, it was 42° by the time we got home. There’s an awful lot of wicked weather out there…fires, tornadoes, snow, rain, flooding. It’s crazy…be careful out there!

I hope you all are doing well. Please say an extra pray for one of my dearest friends. They had a death in the family, then at the dinner after, her nephew had a stroke. What a horrifying sequence of events! Please keep him and his family in your prayers.

🩵

”And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise them up. If they have sinned, they will be forgiven. Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.“
James 5:15-16

#Healthy, #Prayers, #LeapDay

Four Thousand Days

Fri, 23 Feb 2024 02:30:00 -0600

In just a little over two weeks it will be eleven years since Mr. Virgo died unexpectedly. Today marks another threshold…4,000 days. Four thousand days ago, I couldn’t have imagined ever living through it let alone to find a life. A happy life. Time is sneaky it can crawl or it can fly. I’ve learned to live in the present while remembering the past. Sometime’s it honestly feels as though I never had him. Others…it’s like it was yesterday. I’ve navigated the past, created a beautiful present and still have hope for the future.

Mr. FixIt and I had a lovely day yesterday. It rained a lot with lightning and thunder and fog. It was the perfect kind of at-home day with my sweetie. I knitted for a while working on the mittens. I chatted with friends and participated in my brother’s yearly evaluation via video chat. I made salmon patties for supper. And knitted some more.

Last night when I was taking my evening meds, I sat down and really looked at all the vitamins, supplements, and medications I’m taking. I thought I was just taking 1000iu of Vitamin D. Turns out I was taking 3000iu daily! Up till just a couple of months ago, I was taking 4000iu. It’s no wonder I was spilling calcium in my urine.. I’ve stopped everything with Vit D in it but my women’s 50+ multivitamin. And I made an executive decision. If you stop everything, you don’t know which thing you stopped really made the difference. There are so many positive benefits I’ve discovered from RYZE. I quit the one with Chaga, but I’m not quitting RYZE till I see if the other changes have fixed the calcium issue.

I haven’t had a single anxiety attack since I started RYZE. No more muscle cramps. No more joint pain. No more reflux. No more sleepless nights. I really don’t want to go backwards. It’s only for six months and if all the other changes don’t make a difference, I’ll totally quit. That being said, I was a happy little camper yesterday morning when I took that first sip of the elixir of the gods.

We have to go with what Spirit tells us. I really feel this is what I’m supposed to do.

🩵

”For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.“
Jeremiah 29:11 NIV

Water Water Everywhere

Thu, 22 Feb 2024 02:30:00 -0600

A little trip to the coffee shop before my appointment…let’s make teddies!

I had a follow-up appointment with the endocrinologist yesterday. When I saw her a year ago, it was for my hyperparathyroidism. For some reason, my numbers were still high even after two surgeries to remove two adenomas. She noticed that I had some symptoms of Chronic Kidney Disease (it runs in my family) and she wanted to see me back in a year for repeat labs. This time, my parathyroid number was great but my kidney numbers elevated a little bit. My doctor is determined to get to the bottom of what’s causing this. I’ve been reading up on Vitamin D so I checked to see how much I’ve been taking in total. So many things have Vit D added and I never thought to add it all up. I was taking WAY too much. I have to reduce my Vitamin D intake because that can effect calcium and that’s what’s wacky. I have to stop my morning antihistamine. But when she got to my fluid intake, things took a turn.

As you know, I started drinking RYZE mushroom coffee a year ago. I went on Noom and made several lifestyle changes and lost over 30 pounds. I also bought a second type of mushroom coffee that has more of a cocoa flavor. I’m afraid I am one of those people who think if one is good, two has to be better, right? Well…maybe not so much. I was drinking the RYZE and about a half dose of the other cocoa flavored mushroom coffee mixed in…AND I was having two mugs of this a day. Hey…I feel great! No muscle aches, no acid reflux, sleeping like a baby, and NO anxiety attacks. However…something has made my kidney numbers get a little wonky.

Personally, I think it is the cocoa flavored drink because it has Chaga mushroom in it. Multiple studies have shown chaga can cause oxalate crystals that can damage your kidneys. I had NO idea until yesterday that the extra cocoa drink I was consuming did indeed have chaga in it. The RYZE does not.

That being said, my doctor doesn’t know exactly what has caused the abnormality so she wants me to stop my beloved RYZE and the other drink, make the other changes, and recheck everything in six months. I am so bummed because, even though I can have the occasional cup of tea, I have to strictly stick to water. W.A.T.E.R. No sodas, no fizzy drinks, no flavorings. Ugh…I’ve never been a great water drinker as it is so I’m going to have to really up my game in the hydration department. As I’ve told you in the past, I’m not a doctor and I don’t give medical advice. I just tell people what I like and what has helped me. The lesson being, be sure you only use the recommended amount of anything. “Too much of a good thing” you know. And, remember to ask your medical provider if there’s a problem with you using supplements. I am sure I’ll be able to start the RYZE again after the labs get better because I don’t think that is what caused this. Till then….boring, boring, boring old water.

I know I share a lot here…I speak from my heart. But I do this because I’ve learned I’m not the only one who goes through the things I do. And if by sharing I can help another, then that’s what I’ll do. I hope I don’t make you uncomfortable.

Mr. FixIt and I went for a long walk after supper. The sun was shining and it was in the low 60’s. It was a beautiful day. Today is supposed to be rainy and we don’t have anyplace to go. It’s a knitting day!!!

🩵

”Dear friend, I pray that you may enjoy good health and that all may go well with you, even as your soul is getting along well.“
3 John 1:2 NIV

The Need to Fix Things

Fri, 16 Feb 2024 02:30:00 -0600

When I was camping last week, I woke up after a great night’s sleep and looked around. I love this little camper…especially after I installed the new double recliner. It is so comfy and cozy…little, but the slide out makes the room seem much bigger. As I looked around my eyes settled on the ceiling. I have just enough artsy OCD in me that this ceiling bugs the dickens out of me. And I have enough self-awareness to know I’ll never do anything about it.

When I’m sitting in my Big Red Chair with ten projects half done in baskets around my feet, it doesn’t bother me a bit. But when I go to a hotel and I set out my personal items on the vanity…I place them precisely where I want them. And they have to stay there during the whole trip. I have no idea why, but I like the way it looks and makes the trip seem like a celebration for some reason.

I have to straighten picture frames, even if it’s in someone else’s house. I can’t go to bed with dirty dishes. I finally gave up on trying to keep my spices in alphabetical order. And I still make piles, but they’re MY piles. I know where everything is. lol

Yesterday was a very busy day. I saw my dry eye doctor…things have improved tremendously! I just need to keep on doing what I’m doing and I’ll be much better. Mr. FixIt thought that was the only thing I needed to do so he thought he’d ride in with me and work on his friend Joe’s storm door. That wasn’t going to happen. I had to go get blood drawn for an appointment next week. Then I went to the Bodega Coffee Shop and sipped a lovely chai latte and read a book I bought last year and have never taken the time for. I needed to me time.

I grabbed a quick salad at Wendy’s then spent the better part of the afternoon in the doctor’s office. Then it was a big trip to Sam’s and Wally World and it was dark by the time I got home. You don’t just walk in and relax after a trip like that. Everything has to come in the house. In order to fit the new things in the fridge, the old things have to be thrown away. In order to throw things out, the trash has to be emptied. Then all THOSE dishes have to be washed. It was quite a while before I got to settle in my Big Red Chair and write.

Snow is in the forecast here for tonight and tomorrow. How much is up for debate…maybe a couple of inches. Most of our storms come in from the southwest but this one looks to be coming in from the northwest and that brings in colder air. We’ve had more snow this winter than we have for a few years. But I’m ready. I have stocked up and don’t have to go anywhere till Monday for Knitting Group.

I’ll be happy as a clam all tucked in here at home, working on my projects.

That’s a Feel Good Friday in my book!

🩵

”Then, because so many people were coming and going that they did not even have a chance to eat, he said to them, “Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest.”“
Mark 6:31 NIV

Humpty Dumpty Had a Great Fall…and a Great Cup of Tea!

Tue, 13 Feb 2024 02:30:00 -0600

Knitting group was small this week…just three of us. We really did more talking than knitting. There was cake and coffee but I didn’t partake. Not that cake and coffee are bad foods…I just didn’t care for them. At some point, one of the gals needed help with something and I stood to help her. When I did, the back legs of the chair got stuck in the carpet and I ended up hiney over teakettle. Somehow I got tangled up in that chair and could not get out. I scraped the front of my left shin and got a deep bruise in the thigh of my right leg. I strained my right wrist and right ankle and hurt my lower back. Holy smokes…all that from standing up!

As we age, we have a higher risk of falls. Vision issues, medication side effects, and simply age related changes can cause falls in those over 65 can be an indication that you need to have a conversation with your doctor to evaluate what’s going on. I’ll call my primary caregiver and inform her I’ve fallen twice now since late November. That’s not an outrageous number, but something I want to stay on top of. I’m fortunate I didn’t break a hip or something.

I worked on a new blanket yesterday and ended up ripping it out when I got home. This particular pattern has to be done with great concentration…not while conversing with friends. I also crocheted a small basket that I might use at Easter for the littles. It was a quiet afternoon with my sweetie…warmed up spaghetti for supper and lots of Bull reruns. Nothing really big to report.

One of the lovely ladies that attends the Monday Morning Knitting Group brought in this little baby quilt. They were hers…and she is 80. Aren’t they precious???

I hope you’re having a good start to your week. It’s going to be rainy here. I would have gone out to the camper because I really love hearing the rain on the roof, but it was supposed to get down to 33° with a winter mix. No need to go out there when I wouldn’t be comfortable. I’ve kinda gotten past the urge to prove myself capable in that setting…been there, done that. I just stayed in my comfy little house with the window open so I could hear the rain…and the screech owls. And whatever else comes our way.

But first, a lovely cup of Blue Lotus Traditional Masala Chai in my Big Red Chair! As my grandma used to say…it’s good for what ails ya!

🩵

”They did what your power and will had decided beforehand should happen.“
Acts 4:28 NIV

A Nerve Wracking Day

Thu, 08 Feb 2024 02:30:00 -0600

I was thrilled that Mr. FixIt felt much better when he woke up yesterday. I fixed him his favorite breakfast…a big steaming bowl of creamy grits and eggs. The sun was shining and it was beautiful day.

Someone I love very much was having surgery yesterday and I sat on pins and needles till I heard everything went well and they were in their room having lunch.

While I was waiting to hear about my friend, I received a phone call about someone else I love very much. They were on the way to the hospital via ambulance and it didn’t look good. Extremely high pulse, extremely low BP, chest pain, nausea and vomiting. I was scared.

I spent the day waiting to hear word and finally at the end of the day we heard the doctors were admitting them to the hospital. He was stabile and they’ll watch him overnight and do more tests today.

So, here I am…sitting here relieved and thanking God for prayers answered and praying for the future of these two loved ones. And in the meantime, Big is preparing to swim in an important meet this weekend. Her parents get to be there to watch and I get to see it on the computer.

We never know what a day will bring, do we? We have plans. We expect things to go to plan. And when things don’t go to plan, we have to remind ourselves who’s really pulling the strings here. Wasn’t it John Lennon who said life is what happens when we’re making other plans? I’ve also heard folks say we make our plans and God laughs and laughs.

The thing is, we really DON’T know. We plan and we hope but if we become too heavily invested in certain outcomes we become rigid and inflexible. Take the rained out wedding. The bride can be so heavily invested in her storybook day being perfect that she misses the chance to dance in the rain or take pictures with a rainbow.

I’m grateful for the way the day turned out.

🩵

”For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.“
Jeremiah 29:11 NIV

Bluebird Skies and Rest

Mon, 22 Jan 2024 02:30:00 -0600

Midday Moon

The skies were clear during the night so it was bitter cold and didn’t warm up during the day. Still, yesterday was incredibly beautiful. The sky was a perfect bluebird blue without a cloud in sight. Of course, that means it was going to get really cold again during the night. It’s definitely been a soup week here at Marshmallow Ranch. Yesterday I made a pot of Cheesy Broccoli and Ham soup and it was SO good!. Mr. FixIt went to the bowling alley last night and on the way home, he stopped to get eggs. He brought home stuff to make tacos today, which sounds great to me.

I worked on my projects while Mr. FixIt was gone, but truth be told I spent most of the evening watching YouTube videos. I looked at a couple of knitting videos then one of Miss Brenda Gantt’s videos came up. She was making Head Cheese or Souse Meat. Her daughter was at the grocery store where they were selling hog’s heads so she bought one for her mom. Being from Andalusia, Alabama…Miss Brenda is no stranger to southern delicacies such as souse. The only thing is, she had never made it before. Bless her heart…it took her three days from purchase to product and she swore she would never do it again. But, at least she can say she did it once.

That is much like some of my escapades. Remember the great tamale fiasco? Or the bone broth? I’m sure there are many other recipes I’ve attempted, but I can guarantee you…I’ll never try to make tamales or bone broth again. As is my wont, I had to check out how other people made souse and I stumbled upon a video of a woman making it and honestly…I couldn’t get through the sounds of the process. So…There went my evening. But I needed a night of vegging out and I took it.

I’m hoping our knitting group will meet today. I’ve got several projects to take with me. Next up…TACOS!

❄️🩵❄️

”And on the seventh day God finished his work that he had done, and he rested on the seventh day from all his work that he had done.“
Genesis 2:2 ESV

Rain, Rain, Rain!

Wed, 10 Jan 2024 02:30:00 -0600

I kept waking up during the night to the sound of rain on the tarp covering the air conditioner outside the bedroom window. I thought we might wake up to some snow, but it continued to rain all day. Those prayers I asked for last night helped. My brother was in the ER Monday night with flu symptoms and I was so worried about him. All of the tests they did on him were normal so they sent him back home. I did get a chance to speak with him for a few minutes when he was getting ready for bed. I was relieved to hear his voice, even though he sounded exhausted.

I contacted someone I’ve known for decades and asked if she could help my brother with some adapted electronics so we can FaceTime each other. Her daughter was injured in a skiing accident when she was five years old. Alice has dedicated her life to helping disabled people with technology to improve their lives. I’m looking forward to being able to visit with him more often. I think it will help both of us. With the weather as it is, and money being tight, I can’t get to Colorado to see him for a little while.

I spent the day crocheting a mesh market bag. We were keeping tabs on someone special who had surgery yesterday and were so relieved to hear she came through the surgery ok. That is the other person I asked for you to pray for. So thank you all so much for those prayers. They were most appreciated.

I put a pork roast in the oven mid afternoon and cooked it whole instead of cutting it up in chunks. I realized it would cook differently and when I was ready to serve supper, it wasn’t nearly done. We ended up having some leftovers and we’ll try again today. We’re supposed to get a lot more rain and some wind today so I’m blessed with another day to stay home and work on some projects. We actually saw some sunshine yesterday! What a treat!!!

❄️

”A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.“
Proverbs 17:22 ESV

Day One: 2024

Tue, 02 Jan 2024 02:30:00 -0600

New Year, New Project. Crocheting a scrappy yarn basket to use up some of my stash. Use it Up!!!

New Year’s Day. A clean slate. An unwritten book with 365 pages. It’s exciting and filled with hope for great things. What we need to remember is…it’s not infallible. We will not do it perfectly. We’ll make mistakes and we’ll be so tempted to give up and say, “See? Nothing works out!” Or “I knew it was too good to be true!” Spending our lives waiting for the other shoe to drop then giving up and going back to what clearly didn’t work last year isn’t the answer. Flexibility is the name of the game. Flexibility and determination. That’s how you’ll keep coming back and trying again.

I took a four day break from Noom to enjoy the end of the year…guilt free. I’m sure when I get back on the scale this morning, the number will be higher than it was before…but that little number doesn’t define who I am or quantify my worth. All I have to do is get up, recommit to my program, and follow through with the steps I need to meet my goals. That applies to everything in life. When I was abusing alcohol and prescription medications, I had to face my addictions every day as if it were the first.

I chose sobriety on January 6, 2000. Or rather…it chose me. I overdosed with a lethal cocktail and through the grace of God, I survived it. It’s not enough to survive, though. You need to learn to thrive or else you can stay in the victim seat…and that’s no way to live either.

I’ve been blessed to have the people and the resources to get my life back on track. Sobriety is not just a young person’s game. It’s never too late to make changes in your life. Make a decision. Look for the resources to support you. Look for even the smallest of achievements and praise yourself when you make them. And forgive yourself when you slip. Then get back up and start again, no matter how many times you need to.

Through a lot of prayer, study, therapy, and deep introspection, I learned that my addictions stemmed from my inability to love and forgive…myself and others… for things that happened as far back as I can remember. It took me far too long to let go and let God run my life instead of me trying to hold the reins. It took learning to trust that He had plans for me…that He loved me…and that, since I was made in His image…I needed to love myself.

Yes…it’s a new year of new beginnings. I pray your very first choice this year is to love God…and love yourself. You are so worthy of love, dear one.

🩵

”You are altogether beautiful, my love; there is no flaw in you.“
Song of Solomon 4:7 ESV

A Job Well Done!

Sat, 23 Dec 2023 02:30:00 -0600

I finished the last hat and scarf set yesterday and actually had a chance to sit down and relax with a little knitting of my own. I love knitting with Lion Brand’s Thick and Quick yarn. It’s super bulky so it knits up quick, and it’s super soft, warm, and washable. It ticks all the boxes for a cozy winter hat that will last for years and years.

My tally for the year in knitting gifts is twenty-three hats, six hat and scarf sets, seventeen Christmas stockings, fourteen scrubbies, one pair of slippers, two pairs of socks, and a crocheted trivet. Not bad when you add in a king-sized quilt, two month-long camping trips, and mowing two farms. This between furnace repairs, a totaled car, and a new roof. It has been a REALLY busy year!!!

I had to put the shop on vacation while I was doing the last big push to get this stuff finished because we got into that grey area where it was too close to Christmas to receive something on time. I certainly wouldn’t want someone to buy something and be disappointed that it didn’t arrive on time. I still made some sales on special orders, but for the most part, I’ve taken the month of December to just play with yarn.

Now that the gifts are taken care of, I can get in the kitchen and start baking today. I went over to The Pig yesterday and got fresh flour. Mine had grown stale as I haven’t been baking nearly as much as I used to. I looked at my weight on a graph yesterday. One graph show just this year, and the other shows 2017-now. I had a huge weight gain between 2017 and February 2020. Those are the first years Mr. FixIt and I were together and set up housekeeping. I think the term is “fat and happy”. I baked and ate and baked some more. Then Covid struck and Mr. FixIt’s two strokes helped me feed my emotional eating machine till I finally got a handle on it in March.

I think I am at a point where I can bake now without fear of “going off the wagon.” I’ve learned a lot about the “why” of eating and can easily enjoy fruit instead of dense sweets without feeling deprived. Because every once in awhile, I indulge in a goodie and don’t feel guilty about it. Life is too short…eat the cookie. Just not a dozen cookies, and maybe some fudge and sugared nuts, and brownies. All things in moderation.

So that’s what I’ll do today. Bake…and feed the neighbors!

🎄

”“Judge not, and you will not be judged; condemn not, and you will not be condemned; forgive, and you will be forgiven; give, and it will be given to you. Good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be put into your lap. For with the measure you use it will be measured back to you.”“
Luke 6:37-38 ESV

Canning in December

Wed, 20 Dec 2023 02:30:00 -0600

The last three days, I had a big pot of beef bones simmering in a big canner. I browned the bones in a 400° oven till they were a rich, golden brown. Then I put them in the canner, covered them with water and simmered on the back burner for twenty-four hours. Then I added onions, celery, and garlic and let it simmer for another full twenty-four hours. Yesterday was the day to put up the broth. At first I thought I’d strain the broth from the vegetables and bones, but it all looked and smelled so yummy, I decided to purée everything together and can it in pint jars. I ended up with seven pints of very concentrated bone broth that’s going to be a great vegetable soup base this winter! I canned them in the pressure canner at 10 pounds pressure for 25 minutes and them let them cool on their own. I know you can take those bones and keep cooking them over and over till every bit of nutrition is out of them and they crumble into nothing. But I got to thinking about how much gas I used to cook that and decided that was enough. We’ll see if it tastes amazing before I decide to do that again.

I spent the rest of the day making things. I finished a hat and scarf and another Christmas stocking. And I crocheted some more scrubbies. It was a really lovely day with my sweetheart. We watched some more college football and Christmas shows. There was a skiff of snow on when I woke up and I was really happy to stay in.

Mr. FixIt has to go to town today. I need a few things, so I think I’ll send him with a list and stay home to work on more things that I can offer in my shop. I’m looking forward to getting back into selling some things I make with my own two hands. After all, that is the root of my humble beginnings here at Marshmallow Ranch.

I found out yet another of our classmates that attended the Christmas Dinner on the 8th has come down with Covid. That’s either nine or ten out of twenty-nine. And, if I were a betting woman, I’d swear I’m coming down with something, but so far the test is negative. We’ll see what it says this morning. I’m praying I don’t get it, but if I do, I am terribly grateful for the vaccines and how much they have protected us. They gave us time to develop a herd immunity as the virus morphed into a less violent and deadly version of itself. I’m grateful for the knowledgeable scientists and doctors that worked for decades to find a delivery system for vaccines that would carry the information directly to the cells. This same mRNA technology is going to be used in ways we can’t imagine yet. I’m excited to see where the science takes us.

I hope you’re having a good week and you’re healthy and doing well!

🎄

”The Lord sustains him on his sickbed; in his illness you restore him to full health.“
Psalm 41:3 ESV

Good Health Was The Goal

Mon, 11 Dec 2023 02:30:00 -0600

No change in hair color, no makeup other than lipstick in the right photo. And, no filters. I’m so happy to feel better!

We went to our high school class Christmas Dinner on Friday night and it was so much fun to see so many of our friends there. We missed those who couldn’t come or who are no longer with us. Ours was a large class so the more you have to begin with, the more you will lose.

People kept remarking how long my hair has gotten. This time last year, I had fourteen inches cut from my hair and donated to the Locks of Love program. But, when I had it cut, I couldn’t believe how dull and lifeless my hair had become. My skin was blotchy and I weighed a whopping 196 pounds…nearly as much as Mr. FixIt! I wasn’t sleeping well. I had terrible heartburn, even on the strongest acid reducer. When I woke up in the morning, my first steps were agonizing. I’d hobble into the bathroom feeling far older than my impending 70 years.

I didn’t feel good. My gut was a mess. My mood fluctuated and I was often short tempered and snippy. It was affecting my relationship and I will not have that. I had to make a decision to do something about it because it wasn’t going to get better on it’s own. It’s the first New Year’s Resolution I’ve ever stuck with for the whole year.

I started watching what I ate in January. I cut out sugar, coffee, and processed foods. I stopped eating fast food. I lost about seven or eight pounds by March, but I was afraid I’d do what I’ve done so many times before…lose the weight then gain it all back, plus some more. I saw some commercials for Noom. I loved the idea of approaching weight loss through a psychological lens. About the same time, I saw ads for RYZE Mushroom Coffee. The first part of March, I ordered my first two bags of RYZE and joined Noom.

That was the kickstart I needed.

The weight has slowly and steadily dropped off. I added Collagen Peptides and supplemented my diet with an over-50 multivitamin for women. I started taking an immune booster and magnesium gummies at bedtime. And I take a hi-dose probiotic two weeks a month.

I now weigh 164 pounds, I sleep all night every night, I no longer have more than the occasional aches and pains associated with mild arthritis and overuse. I feel better. My mood is stable. My memory has improved. My gut is working right. I’ve stopped taking Protonix because my acid reflux is rarely noticeable.

When the gals mentioned my hair on Friday, I went back to see the selfie I took after my haircut and I was amazed at the difference one year of clean and green eating and exercise can make. My hair is smooth and shiny and strong. There are hardly any split ends and I attribute that to the collagen peptides and Hair Repair Shampoo.

These were all little things that I changed but collectively they have made a huge impact in how I feel. I may not be making Miss Brenda Gantt’s Buttermilk Biscuits, but I can have grits any day of the week if I want them. I may not be baking pies from the Silver Palate Cookbook but I have eaten about 100 pounds of apples this year. And I definitely don’t stop at the bakery every Friday for our “Weekend Cake”!

While I am proud of my accomplishments and I am so grateful to feel better, there is always room for improvement. At first, my goal was to lose down to 140. But my body is telling me it would be perfectly happy in the high 150’s to low 160’s. And I am good with that. The twinkle in my husband’s eye is motivation enough for me!

The new year is coming. If you are interested in trying Noom, you can get a 14-day free trial + 20% off if you use this link https://noom.com/r/JthjXSfaA

And, if you want to try Ryze, you can get it here. https://39ryze.refr.cc/ginnymckinney

I also add a teaspoon of Beyond Brew to my mushroom coffee. It also has mushrooms, but it has a distinct cocoa flavor and I like how it enhances my morning brew. I buy two jars at a time but they last me six months or more. Beyond Brew Mushroom Superfood Coffee - Mushroom Coffee Alternative Low Caffeine - Healthy Coffee Substitute Brewed Cacao Drink w/Prebiotics, & Probiotics - By Live Conscious - 30 Servings https://a.co/d/ir8ESqL

Happy Monday, everyone!

🎄

”Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.“
1 Corinthians 6:19-20 ESV

It’s Okay to Say No

Sat, 02 Dec 2023 02:30:00 -0600

The fog rolling in over the far field.

God put it on my heart today to talk to you about something.

We’re heading into the busiest time of the year. Holiday decorating, shopping, baking, parties. It’s a whirlwind of activity and for many of us…it’s just overwhelming. We can’t all be like Martha Stewart. She works hard, I’m sure. But she has a staff to do the big stuff. So, I’m here to tell you…

You and I don’t have staff.

It’s okay to say no.

Let me say that another way…

IT. IS. OKAY. TO. SAY. NO!

You’re asked to bring five dozen cookies to the craft bazaar but you’re budget is feeling the pinch…just like that nerve in your back. But you hate to disappoint them.

It’s okay to say, “I’m sorry, I really can’t this year.”

You’re expected at yet another holiday event and you’ve been overloaded at work this week, but what will they think of you if you don’t at least make an appearance?

It’s okay to say, “I really wish I could make it, but I’m spread too thin this year. Thank you for the invitation, though! Let’s make it another time when things settle down.”

You’re grown kids want you to make their 37 favorite dishes this year for Christmas.

It’s ok to say, “I’d love to do that, but it’s a little much for me right now. Here are the 37 recipes. Why don’t you all go through the list, pick your top three, and come early. We’ll cook together. I’ll provide the wine!” This works for friends, too.

You’re neighbors have decorated to the nines and you hate for your house to look all dull and Scroogie compared to theirs.

It’s okay to call your local high school and see if their Booster Club might be interested in earning a little money if the kids could come and decorate for you. The teen group at your church might be interested, too.

You’re grieving the loss of someone special and your friends want to get you out of the house and “get your mind off things.” Your friends mean well, and this really could be something fun for you to do. But if you aren’t feeling it…

It’s ok to say, “No, thank you. I’m just really not feeling it this year. I’d love to go to coffee after the holidays, though! Let’s do that.”

At any given time, it is ok to say no if you’re just over it. We had to go to town nearly every day this week. The last two days, I felt myself getting overstimulated and agitated. So, I politely told Mr. FixIt that I’m going to stay home till Monday morning knitting group and again till my Wednesday mammogram. The roofers are starting soon and I want to ENJOY the holidays. I can’t if I’m overwhelmed and snippy.

I know there’s someone out there that needs to hear this. Just chill a little. You’ll be much happier, as will everyone around you, if you take a little “me time” and get some rest. Eat healthy foods. Get plenty of sleep. Drink lots of water and less alcohol. Get a massage. Meditate. Go to yoga. Take a walk. Listen to soft music. Spend some time with God, or whoever you pray to or consider a Higher Power. I want to be inclusive here because self care isn’t just for Christians.

Sending big hugs out to all of you. You’ve got this!

🎄

“And he said to them, “Come away by yourselves to a desolate place and rest a while.” For many were coming and going, and they had no leisure even to eat.”
Mark 6:31 ESV

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We’re getting down to the cutoff for Christmas ordering. I’d say by the end of next week, if you’re looking for something from my shop, you should have your orders in. I’d like to thank all of you who have been so supportive and are shopping small! I’m most appreciative.

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All That Glitters

Fri, 01 Dec 2023 02:30:00 -0600

My brother, my heart!

OMGosh! I had to be in town yesterday for two separate appointment four hours apart so there was going to be a little shopping done. However, Mr. FixIt asked if he could come along with me to buy a tube of glue. Even after I offered to get him the glue, he still expressed interest in tagging along and of course, I love having him tag along. I can always buy his present later!

We went out to breakfast at our favorite diner and I splurged with a pancake, eggs and bacon. What a treat! Afterward, we sat in the parking lot waiting for the phone conference I was invited to. My brother has an update every six months and we do it over video chat so we can see each other. I’ve been looking forward to this for weeks. He looked happy and it made my heart sing to see him doing so well.

We went to the mall later and walked all over the place. Getting in our daily steps is more difficult when we’re done with mowing season and it’s cold outside. We killed a couple of hours then headed to my appointment. I learned a lot of things yesterday. The biggest of which is… dry eye disease is a much bigger deal than I thought it was. My avid use of the computer these last ten years has done a job on my eyes. We are working on a treatment plan but it is definitely something that must be dealt with right away. I’ll need to cut back a little on my screen time till I get some of the inflammation under control. So, there may be some writings from the archive from time to time when my eyes are feeling especially uncomfortable. I do hope you will understand.

We stopped for a quick dinner at Wendy’s and when we got home, I turned left to check the mail. That’s when he said, “Whoa, whoa, whoa… don’t pull into our road!” Something was glittering in the light. I couldn’t figure out what he was talking about. After I checked the mail, I swung the truck around and turn the headlights on high and there was the evidence of an accident of some sort right in the middle of the entry to our road.

Mr. FixIt found an area where it was safe to drive in, then we went and got a broom, head lamps, and a broom. I started sweeping up the broken glass and my sweetie picked up the bigger pieces of the grill of a car. I saw skid marks on the white line along the side of the road. I didn’t see any evidence of a second vehicle so, even though there wasn’t any blood, I’m sure someone hit a deer. From the looks of the glass, I’d say a side window was broken, too. Once we had the biggest part of the mess cleared up, I did a cursory search just to make sure there wasn’t a car off the side of the road or an injured deer but there was nothing. I’ll look again today when it’s light.

So it was a good day, overall, and we got a lot done.

Welcome to December!

🎄

“You shall serve the Lord your God, and he will bless your bread and your water, and I will take sickness away from among you.”
Exodus 23:25 ESV

Good Men Honor Their Wives

Mon, 30 Oct 2023 01:30:00 -0600

Hiking the dunes on the Outer Banks with Mr. FixIt.

Mr. FixIt continues to improve. He has a good appetite again. I was working on the computer in the afternoon and he called me to see if I would go to the store and get him some hotdogs and baked beans. He’s eating a lot of fruit and, of course, his Pineapple Upside Down Cake. It’s good to see that smile and his sunny disposition coming back. It’s hard not to give him a hug and a kiss, but I really don’t want to get sick and he would feel terrible if he gave me Covid. So we give a lot of “air kisses” as we pass each other.

I spoke with my Uncle Bud the other night about the problems Mr. FixIt has been having with the furnace. He suggested we open it up and vacuum out every little crevice and tube we could reach and see if that would help. We did that yesterday. I asked Mr. FixIt to please wear a mask. He doesn’t need all that dust down in his lungs right now and he politely complied. When we turned the furnace back on, it lit up just like it was supposed to. We turned it off and on several times and it worked just right. It still gives off a peculiar odor outside so we still need to have someone come out and investigate that, but the furnace itself seems to be functioning normally now. Three cheers for my man!!!

It rained here most of the day. Cold, low hanging clouds scudded across the sky. Wet leaves plastered themselves to every available surface. Telltale evidence of small critters getting into the walnuts was apparent near the back gate. I really don’t think it was anything big because I would have heard it out the bedroom window during the night. And there’s been nothing big enough to trip the security cameras to record.

I fiddled on the computer all day, playing with some designs. It was all prep work so there’s nothing to show for it yet. Maybe tomorrow. I’ve desperately needed this rest. My body has craved down time. My mind is enjoying the gentle rhythms of these slow, rainy days. I do need to start attacking the family room and get that camping gear stowed away. I gave serious thought to sleeping in the camper last night because the low was only supposed to be 53°. But, I just didn’t have it in me to fight with the Asian Lady Beetles and Stink Bugs. I have to go out to the farm in the next couple of days to check the furnace and stoves. Maybe I’ll be able to sneak in an overnight for a little farm fix if Mr. FixIt is feeling up to it.

When I got off the phone with my uncle, I was thinking how he’s so much like my PopPop…kind, easy going, slow to anger…quick to love. Quick to love and honor their wives. I smiled when I realized…I married a man just like them. My uncle is handy, resourceful, and can fix anything…just like Mr. FixIt. He cared for my aunt and his sister to the very end. It makes me happy, and proud, to have a husband like the two men I looked up to the most in my formative years. My world feels settled and peaceful these days…something I’ve longed for all my life.

🍁

“Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.”
1 Peter 3:7 ESV

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We are heading into the Season of Thanksgiving. It is more than a day in which to overindulge in goodies or yell at the refs on TV or watch a parade. It’s a time to consider the blessings we have in our everyday lives. The unsettling circumstances of the world should be an impetus to give us pause…to reflect, to praise, and to feel gratitude for all we have.

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Thank you for the Prayers!

Fri, 27 Oct 2023 01:30:00 -0600

They worked! Mr. FixIt felt MUCH better yesterday. He still didn’t eat a lot, but I got plenty of fluids in him and he had a big bowl of homemade Jewish penicillin (chicken soup) last night with a piece of cornbread hot out of the oven. He’s far from well, but he’s SO much better! I’m telling you, he scared me to death Wednesday night. He could hardly walk and I had to half carry him to the bedroom. He only kept the anti-viral down an hour, but I think enough got in him, along with the prayers, to help him turn the corner, so I am in your debt.

My test looked ever so slightly positive to me on Wednesday, but yesterday’s was absolutely negative. I still feel achy, but maybe it’s sympathy pains for my sweetheart. We didn’t do much of anything yesterday. I finished the pantry and cleaned up the kitchen from the mess. And that feels SO much better. I told Mr. FixIt, in order to keep it in this condition, we need to do one shopping trip a week…from a list. And if he stops to pick up things for me, he has to stick to the list. You see all those noodles up there on the second shelf? And all that cereal on the top shelf? Well, he’s incredibly helpful and when he stops at the store, he buys things that he thinks we might need. That’s how we get seven cans of corn and ten cans of green beans. lol

Since it’s organized, it surely makes cooking a lot easier. I went through the freezer on Tuesday, so we can actually use the food in there now and the items in the pantry are easily visible and accessible. When I went to the pharmacy on Wednesday night, I picked up some clear storage, vacuum sealed storage containers to keep from getting pantry moths again. As a person on the autism spectrum, I have a difficult time with organizing, but I get a wild hair from time to time and miracles happen!

I received my beautiful new cookbook yesterday. Celebrating Southern Appalachian Food by Jim Casada and Tipper Pressley is a treasure trove of folklore and foodways of the Southern Appalachian Mountains. West Virginia is on the northern end of that mountain chain, so many of the food terms were familiar to me. My Pop-Pop called a bottle of pop (soda) by an old timey term…dope. This stems from the days when Coca Cola had cocaine in it. When Grandma tasted something she really loved, she smiled and remarked it was larrupin’ good and licked her lips. Quantitative terms like mess , passel, pinch, scootch, sliver, smattering, smidgen, tad, and tetch were commonly used in our country kitchen. Reading the glossary took me back to my early days on the farm. Reading about eating “a mess of turnip greens and a pone for supper” had me dragging out my favorite iron skillet to make a pone (cornbread) of my own. Oh, the kitchen smelled wonderful and it was enough to stimulate Mr. FixIt’s appetite so he could eat a little something.

Nesting in the fall has me longing to cook and bake which I can still do while I’m watching my calories. I just need to make adjustments, eat smaller portions, and keep within my calorie budget. That’s what I love about Noom…there are NO bad foods. I truly can eat anything I want. Nothing is off limits. I just have to be smart about it. Yesterday, I hit a new low weight and have now lost 31.6 pounds. If you are interested in talking to me about Noom…or any other method of creating a sensible diet plan, just send me a private message. I can get you a code that will give you two free weeks and a reduced price. I’ve tried a dozen different weight loss plans, but Noom is the first that feels not only doable, but sustainable. I’m hopeful. And I’m feeling so much better…not counting the aches a pains of the last couple of days. Let’s hope I keep from getting “the ‘vid”.

I went out yesterday afternoon to pick some of the beautiful milkweed seed that I found when I was mowing. I spread some throughout both pollinator gardens and some along the perimeter of our fields. I’m hoping to keep building up my plants through gathering wild seed from the area…which is free.

Gotta love free stuff!

🍁

““Be glad, O children of Zion, and rejoice in the Lord your God, for he has given the early rain for your vindication; he has poured down for you abundant rain, the early and the latter rain, as before.”
Joel 2:23 ESV

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We Are All Snowflakes…Each Different in Our Own Beautiful Way

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Rollin’, Rollin’, Rollin!

Sun, 24 Sep 2023 01:30:00 -0600

My sweetheart…enjoying the good life he deserves.

HokeySmokes, y’all…there’s so much to tell. I’m going to have to do a daily synopsis!

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Monday

Camped under the Silver Maples

We kinda took our time on Monday. We had a nice breakfast, then we started getting stuff out to the camper…mostly Mr. FixIt’s stuff because my stuff was still in there. We hit the road around 3:00, I guess. We had to stop for gas first, then our favorite rest area to dump the tanks. We stopped in Marietta to pick up some groceries for the trip and headed on to the campground. We neither one slept well because we forgot how noisy it is up there between the trains, the state highway across the river, and the tugboats pushing the barge up and down.

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One of my wonderful bonus sons…I didn’t have to raise them or feed them. I just get to enjoy them and love them.

Tuesday

A lovely, leisurely breakfast and time fishing. The kids came up and brought some food and the guys fished for awhile and we sat around the campfire till they had to get home. Really, it was very peaceful and relaxing.

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Ruby, the well behaved Bernedoodle (cross between Standard Poodle and a BerneseMountain Dog)

Wednesday

Mr. FixIt went on a search for a place to fill the propane tank that we use for the gas campfire ring and I stayed at the camper and knitted. It was such a pleasant day, and I hadn’t had a chance to just sit and look at the river. We went for walks every day and there were more campers coming in Wednesday in preparation for the weekend. I love talking to people from all around. There was a couple from nearby Marietta who always come camping during the week for the same reason we do…it’s quiet and peaceful. They had the most beautiful Bernedoodle named Ruby. While we were talking, the gal who was camping in a little tiny teardrop camper returned from her daily visits to the many glass museums in the area. I was anxious to ask her about her camper.

Rustic Trails Teardrop Camper…SO cute! (Note to Kathy: “Get yourself a hitch lock, hon. Please don’t leave this little sweet thing in a campground all on her own for the day. I’d hate to see you lose her!”)

Kathy and I sat and visited for quite awhile. She showed me the camper and in the course of our conversation, she revealed that she used to be a Diabetes Educator which is what I used to do a gazillion years ago. It’s such a small world, isn’t it? Mr. FixIt and I ended the day sitting quietly around our little “campfire”, drinking a cup of tea and watching the moon turn pumpkin orange as it slipped under the western horizon. It was a very good day.

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Shadows, Reflections, and a Snake in the Swamp! Zoom in on the water.

Thursday

Something I didn’t tell you was one of my mom’s cousins died of covid last weekend and his viewing and funeral were Thursday. I had told them I couldn’t come because we would be out of town so I sent flowers. Then, when I woke up that morning and we happened to have a little cell service, I looked on the map and the town was only 35 minutes away! Mr. FixIt didn’t have the proper attire, but I essentially keep a closet in the back of our Super Crew Cab F-150 so I was prepared for most anything. I dug around and found something appropriate to wear, left Mr. FixIt to go fishing, and headed over to pay my respects and represent our branch of the family. When I got back, we started getting things ready for supper because the kids were coming back up and I told them I’d cook this time. We grilled chicken and had fresh corn on the cob and sliced tomatoes. We sat around the “campfire” again and watching the stars. It was a long day. It’s a shame our reunions are at funerals now, isn’t it? I’m going to do something about that.

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Friday

Time to head home. We had breakfast and started stowing things away for the trip. We stopped at the same dump station to empty our tanks and were back home by mid-afternoon. On the drive home, I told Mr. FixIt we should go back into Parkersburg later and get our Covid vaccines, which we did. We’ve always had Moderna, but it wasn’t available yet so we took the Johnson & Johnson vaccine at Sam’s. We were assured there wouldn’t be a problem mixing them. Pro tip: if you take a couple of Extra Strength Tylenol before you have your vaccine, it really lessons the site reaction. When we left Sam’s, we went to Volcano Days out at Mountwood Park and walked and walked and walked. They had a big display of hit and miss engines that I just love to hear. They remind me of my childhood when the well tenders would go around and start up the engines and pump the wells for awhile. We got home late Friday night…too late to write a proper post. So here I am. We’re caught up at this point…except for what happened yesterday.

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Saturday

We went down near Charleston yesterday morning to meet the gal from FB Marketplace that we bought our new to us cell phone booster from. Easy peasy. Since we were down there, I asked Mr. FixIt if he’d like to go over to Cabela’s and wander around for a while. That was great fun because he taught me all about fishing lures and bait and what kind of fish they attract. Mr. FixIt’s tried and true method of fishing is with worms on a hook with a bobber and you sit in your chair waiting for a bite. I tried it and, no offense sweetheart, but I would rather watch paint dry. To me, it was kinda LIKE watching paint dry. I’m going back to lures and bait. The next stop was Home Goods. Lots more walking and I started feeling really tired. We went on to Target and about halfway through there, I was definitely NOT feeling well. I felt like my feet were full of lead. It felt like I was on a fast elevator down. As a matter fact, I nearly blacked out three times and was seeing stars. We decided I might be having a reaction to the shot so we stopped at the ER nearby and they checked me out. Thankfully, my tests were negative and the doctor agreed it was probably related to the the shot and I was just feeling fatigued. I was also a little dehydrated, but not enough to get an IV. So, they discharged me, we went to get something to eat, and I am very happily staying home today!

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So, that’s the skinny on my week.

It’s always an adventure with Ginny McKinney!

“Dear friend, I pray that you may enjoy good health and that all may go well with you, even as your soul is getting along well.”
3 John 1:2 NIV

Formulating a Vision of a Sustainable Life

Tue, 29 Aug 2023 01:30:00 -0600

We have a 30x40 metal building that sits out back of our house. We pay our taxes on it as well as everything else here at Marshmallow Ranch. Yet, there it sits…full of who knows what. I’ve had ideas for how we could better utilize that space to bring in some income instead of sitting there as an expensive storage closet.

When Mr. FixIt and I were driving into town yesterday for yet another doctor’s appointment (they seem to come in waves, don’t they?) I mentioned my idea. I’d love to get the building cleaned up and create an area in at least half of it that could serve as a primitive barn like sales area. Then, we could up-cycle furniture and decorator items, stage them nicely, and sell them.

Marshmallow Ranch could have a sort of home-grown sticks and bricks shop! I wouldn’t want to be open more than say…Fridays and Saturdays…once or twice a month with a bigger “show” in the Spring and the Fall. Think Round Top. Think Junk Gypsies. Think Ree Drummond. I think it would be so cool! And I think I could get Mr. FixIt onboard. He’s a great haggler and we could have fun with it, I think.

It’s an idea that’s been percolating in the back of my mind since I moved in here. Now that we have Mr. FixIt’s back feeling better, I really think we could do it! We have lots of room here. We could create a gravel parking area across the driveway from the building so there would be ready access. Ooooooh…the wheels are turning! Who know if it will come to fruition…but I feel something coming like that, anyway.

We had supper at a little country diner we enjoy. We need to mow today…again. Mowing season WILL end…I promise. We just need to keep plugging along and get things done. And now we don’t have to go anywhere all week. Yeah, I know…you’ve heard it all before!

Good news at the doctors, which is always a blessing. She was thrilled at how well I’m doing and we are going to start reducing some of my meds because…I’m down 25 pounds! I feel fabulous. She asked about all the symptoms I was dealing with over the last 2-3 years. When she got to… “How’s your pain?” I had to stop and think. And you what??? I didn’t have any! So, who wants to try Noom with me? I can get you 2 free weeks. I’m not kidding when I say this program is a game changer. It approaches weight loss with education and support as it shares the psychology of why we gained weight in the first place. I love it!

If you’re interested, use this link: https://noom.com/r/JthjXSfaA

I would be happy to help in any way I can. We aren’t getting younger AND we are getting dangerously close to hibernation season and you know what that means. Baking. And eating!

Enjoy your day, dear friends…and know you are loved!

“So whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.”
1 Corinthians 10:31 NLT

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Pumpkin Kitty has her own T-Shirt! Check her out at:

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Up With The Morning Dew

Wed, 24 May 2023 01:30:00 -0600

I awoke early yesterday. Mr. FixIt had an appointment in town at 10:20 and I was afraid I would oversleep. I laid there…listening to the birds and watching the sky brighten till I finally got up. I really enjoy when I get to sleep in the camper. Pretty soon it will be too hot to sleep out there without an air conditioner and the power we have the camper hooked up to will not support that. So…I take advantage of it while I can.

I dressed while the kettle was heating up then fixed a lovely breakfast of yogurt, fresh sliced peaches, and a sprinkling of granola. When the water was hot, I poured my morning cup of RYZE mushroom coffee and opened the camper door to sit on the steps and eat. I loved how the morning light was coming in the door on my fun rug, so I set the food down and grabbed my phone to capture this little snippet of peace.

Mr. FixIt’s appointment went well, and afterward we went to Ward’s Market. I don’t know if it’s the same Ward’s Market that was over in Belpre when I was growing up. I can remember going there with my mom when I was a child. We always went to Ward’s for the very best watermelon and seasonal fruits and vegetables. Dad had a garden a couple of years, and we always had fresh produce from Grandma’s farm. So going to Ward’s was a special treat.

I stop at this market as often as I can. The folks there are so kind and helpful. There’s always a warm greeting and a funny story. And the colors just pop there…reds, yellows, and greens inside…and crazy beautiful flowers outside. I love hanging baskets of flowers, but the only time I ever had any luck with them was when I built my home in New Castle, Colorado. I had the sprinkler guy hook up a separate zone to water my flowers on a timer, so they were always gorgeous. If you ever make it to Parkersburg, look up Ward’s Market on 7th Street and tell them Ginny McKinney sent you.

We headed home and I made a monstrous salad for a late lunch and we both stretched out for a little siesta. Then we watch the news and Mr. FixIt put the new garden soil we bought on top of the elephant ears he planted a couple of weeks ago. I started cleaning the camper and putting stuff away. We’ve decided to take a quick impromptu camping trip for three nights at one of our favorite nearby campgrounds. Cell service is spotty but just across the river is a produce stand with wifi so I should still be able to post….pictures at the very least!

“Dear friend, I pray that you may enjoy good health and that all may go well with you, even as your soul is getting along well.”
3 John 1:2 NIV

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It’s Wedding Season…Give Some Good Advice!

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Update on Operation Health Transformation

Sun, 21 May 2023 01:30:00 -0600

As I started sliding out of my sixties and preparing for my seventies, I realized I couldn’t keep going with my out-of-control lifestyle. While it’s been decades since I abused alcohol and prescription drugs, I still had certain “addictions” I had to deal with….mainly sugar. I’ve always had a sweet tooth and it had started taking its toll on my health. It got to the point where I’d buy our “weekend cake” on Friday and it was gone on Sunday night. It was just awful and had to stop.

Having worked as a Diabetes Educator many years ago, I know the HOW of weight loss. It boils down to expending more calories than what you take in. Pretty simple. The piece I’ve always been missing was the WHY. Why do I overeat? Why do I lose weight only to gain it back? I started Noom on May 1st because I knew I needed support and accountability.

It takes a lot of planning to follow a healthy meal plan. It’s more expensive to eat fresh so you have to shop around for bargains and plan your menus more carefully. It’s a lot easier to grab quick, processed or fast foods. I got lazy…complacent…self-indulgent. I fell back into the habit of rewarding myself with food. I want food to be fun again. I want to be mindful when I eat and focus on the pleasures of freshness and what better time to do that than in the spring and summer!

One problem I’ve been running into is meeting my minimum calorie recommendations. If I don’t eat enough, my body will respond by slowing down my metabolism making it even harder to lose weight. It’s discouraging when you watch so carefully and stay the same weight for a whole week. But yesterday morning the scale moved down at last and I attribute that to INCREASING my caloric intake and physical activity.

It’s getting easier and easier this week to steer away from sweets. I treat myself with frozen grapes and fresh fruit. My latest treat has been Wasa Crispbread with goat cheese and as many sliced red grapes as I can fit on the cracker. So, so yummy and satisfying with the herbal crunch of the cracker, the tart creamy goat cheese, and the sweet juicy grapes.

I continue to enjoy my cup of RYZE in the morning. I’ve been playing with it…a little more sweetener, a little more milk, and my latest addition…my home brewed vanilla extract. I think I have it down to the perfect balance. I sat outside yesterday morning under the cover of an awning, watching a gentle rain fall. The birds are outrageous right now. They make a racket starting before the sun comes up.

Mr. FixIt is going over to help the soon-to-be newlyweds put a new roof on their house. So, I’ll work on the binding on the quilt while he is gone. I’m also planning out the summer trip to Colorado. We still haven’t figured out if we are going to take the camper or not. We need to get those plans in place this week.

I hope you enjoy a blessed Sunday!

“Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.”

1 Corinthians 6:19-20 NIV

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No ads on Sunday on the Lord’s Day. Be blessed!

Road Trip Prep

Sat, 13 May 2023 01:30:00 -0600

Our view over dinner.

Once you’ve got the first camping trip of the season under your belt, the others take less time to prepare So many of the camping items get put away for the winter and inevitably, you can’t find something you really need. We are trying to keep all the camping supplies in one place, but until that big pole building gets sorted out, things are still scattered around.

Mr. FixIt and I went to town yesterday to get gas in the truck and go to our favorite grocery store. I haven’t really camped while eating clean and green so it’s a bit of a challenge to figure out what to take. We don’t have a huge refrigerator in the camper so we can’t really load up on too much fresh food. We’ll be camping somewhere fairly remote, however there is a very small grocery store and restaurant nearby. We’ll be visiting family on Sunday and again on Monday night so breakfasts, snacks and one dinner are all we really need to plan for.

My sister/friend Sue is on a lifestyle change, too. She gave me some suggestions for low and no calorie foods and salad dressings so I picked some up yesterday. We have apples, bananas, and blueberries. Sweet Potatoes and Russet Potatoes. We’ll pick up a rotisserie chicken and some lettuce at the last big grocery store we pass before the campground. I’m sure we’re going to have plenty to eat.

It will seem strange to not have hotdogs and burgers and s’mores. I haven’t had any real cravings on this program, but I do occasionally like a crunchy, sweet treat. I bought some Purely Elizabeth Ancient Grain Granola to sprinkle on top of my Oikos Triple Zero Yogurt. Add some fruit and it should satisfy any sweet tooth. I ate like crazy yesterday and I still had some calories to spend at bedtime so I added a banana.

I do want to tell you about this amazing egg scramble I made yesterday. I had leftover fluffy quinoa from supper the night before. I have a mister that I spray vegetable oil on my pans instead of non-stick cooking spray. You hardly get any calories and you aren’t eating heaven knows what in your food. I tossed the quinoa in the skillet with a scant 1/4 cup of cubed ham till it was warm and removed from the heat. I scrambled two eggs and added about two teaspoons of sour cream, two tablespoons of cottage cheese, and a half teaspoon of “All Things Eggs”…an herb blend I purchased at William Sonoma last summer. A little pricey, but it lasts forever and is oh so yummy! I put the skillet back on the heat and poured in the egg mixture. Stir and fold till the egg is set and you have a delicious meal packed with protein and very little fat.

We had Wendy’s salads for supper after grocery shopping. We parked at a park on a bluff overlooking the Ohio River and ate then walked the path all the way around the park to get our steps in. It was a stellar evening. It was still in the 80’s and the sky was partly cloudy. The river was a smooth as glass. A beautiful day all the way around. Today, we finish some laundry and pack then off we go bright and early tomorrow.

Even though I sleep in the camper a lot…because I can…this is our first official camping trip of the season and I can’t wait to spend some quality time in the woods with my sweetheart! I doubt seriously if there will be cell service there so my posts may be spotty at best. But I’ll at least try to get some photos out to you if I’m near service.

“So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.”
1 Corinthians 10:31 NIV

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Here is my second set of notecards featuring some of my flower photography. I tried to make one set all shades of pink and this set shades of white. These were all taken at Grandma’s Farm.

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A Week of Clean Eating

Mon, 08 May 2023 01:30:00 -0600

It’s been a week since I started Noom. I’m here to report it’s been much easier than I anticipated. I attribute that to the support the app gives me every day…several times a day. And physically, I feel completely different. My memory is a little better, I think. I know I feel clearer, if that makes any sense. I mood is stable. I’m sleeping soundly. And I am not at all hungry. As a matter of fact, I have to force myself to get enough calories to meet the minimum requirements.

The weight isn’t falling off fast, but overall I’m down 2-3 pounds. I finally got a new scale, however I left it home so while I’m here at the farm, I’ll have to make do with what’s here. I have been getting more exercise. I went for two walks yesterday after the rain stopped. It really poured for several hours with lightening and thunder. I slept through most of it till Mr. FixIt called around 10:30! I’m loving the meals I’ve been making. Lots of roughage! Lots of color! Lots of water! Here are my plates from lunch and dinner yesterday. So, so yummy.

Breakfast was two eggs, over easy. 1/4 each of green, yellow, and red peppers, 8 grapes, about two tbsp. of blueberries, and 2 tbsp. cottage cheese. Dinner was two boneless skinless chicken thighs, 1/2 baked potato with 1 tbsp. sour cream, 1/4 head of steamed cauliflower, and marinated red and yellow pepper strips. I usually like to dip my veggies in Ranch Dressing, but I would rather have more food for those calories. So I put the strips of peppers in a coffee tumbler and added 1 teaspoon of Brianna’s French Vinagrette over them and shook them up to coat. It was perfect…you get the flavor without all the unnecessary calories!

I took a ton of pictures when I was on my walkabouts yesterday. I went up behind the barn a good ways and saw the three waterfalls. I managed to stand in a place where I could get all three in one picture. Mr. FixIt was planning on coming out yesterday to work on the pump and try to figure out what’s going on with the telephone line. I also want to get the hot water heater lit. We need to check the exhaust pipe to make sure there are no bird nests in it. If we get those things done, then we’ve made great progress.

I was a lovely and relaxing Sunday. I don’t miss the television one bit, but I’m sure glad my sweetheart is coming to see me today! Enjoy my photos!

“He replied, “You of little faith, why are you so afraid?” Then he got up and rebuked the winds and the waves, and it was completely calm.”

Matthew 8:26 NIV

#Storms, #Rain, #Wildflowers, #CleanGreenEating

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Wildflowers after a spring rain are probably one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever seen!

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A Few Stories and My Noom Progress

Wed, 03 May 2023 01:30:00 -0600

Image Credit: Island Free Press

Our daughter-in-law sent us an article regarding all that debris that’s been seen washing up on the beaches from Nags Head to Salvo. We picked up bags and bags of it and gave it to the Federal Rangers who monitor the seashore. At first we thought a smallish boat capsized, but the sheer volume of stuff kind of negated that theory. I thought maybe it was debris that got washed out to sea from those devastating rains and floods in southern Florida, but it seemed to be more regionally located. The article says the nature of the debris indicates it may have come from a US Navy vessel located off the northeastern coast of North Carolina, but they didn’t have specific details. They are still investigating the incident.

The saga of the Big Birdhouse continues.

The fellow who bought the Big Birdhouse called yesterday morning and said he tried to switch the title into his name, but something was wrong. There had been another title issued after that first one. I sat down and wracked my brain and finally figured out what happened. When we bought the camper new, I went to the DMV and paid the sales tax and got the tags and the title. I always tuck the titles in the truck when we are pulling the camper cross country just in case something happens and we need to sell it or trade it in. I learned my lesson when that used camper we had collapsed on the frame when I was pulling into Colorado.

When we decided to sell the Big Birdhouse, I went to look for the title and try as I might, I could not find it. So I went to the DMV to get a duplicate. While I was there, they discovered the VIN number was not recorded correctly which rendered the original title void. They straightened it out and issued me a new title, which I promptly put someplace safe so I wouldn’t lose it. Yeah..that didn’t work out. I couldn’t find it anywhere and the buyers were coming any minute.

Mr. FixIt went out to the truck and tore it apart and found the title. In the hubbub, I totally forgot to check WHICH title it was. We did the exchange, took their money…in a big ol’ pile of cash that would choke a horse. I’ve never held that much cash in my life! I was pretty nervous. I put it in the safe while we went to the beach and first thing Monday morning, we headed to the credit union to pay off the note. Then…Mr. Don called yesterday to say it was the wrong title and I knew he was right.

So, while Mr. FixIt had a test done yesterday, I went to the DMV and bought ANOTHER duplicate title! I almost didn’t get it because they needed both of our Drivers Licenses. But I explained I’d just been in there in March getting the other title…was it possible they still had the licenses on file? Sure enough…they did, so that problem was averted. I got the title and Mr. Don came over last night to pick it. Plus a new dinette table the dealer gave us because the old one had a chip in it. And, I found the second key as well. So now they’re ready to go camping next week for a trial run!

This is not my photo. It came from a friend of mine wanting to know why there were two kinds of eggs in the nest. Read on to find out.

And…we have baby birds in our eaves again. I think they are grackles, however, there have been brown-headed cowbirds in the forsythia and the flowering quince, so we could have an intrepid interloper. Brown-headed cowbirds are not the mothering type. They lay their eggs in the nests of other birds…over two hundred different species to be exact. If they happen to lay in an eastern catbird’s next, she’ll catch it and kick the parasitic eggs out of the nest. But most often, the baby cowbirds hatch much earlier than the host bird’s own eggs and the hatchlings grow faster and are more aggressive so the littler birds often starve to death. Either way, it’s not a good turnout for the host mama. However, as hard as it is to watch the destruction of our favorite birds, it is illegal to raid the nest and destroy the cowbird eggs. Cowbirds have been around for a million years. If their behavior was going to wipe out other host species, it would have happened long before now.

Day Two in the Lifestyle Change Journey

Lastly, some of you mentioned yesterday you might be interested in trying Noom. If you are, send me a private message and I can send you a link to get a free trial and 20% off! Nothing like getting money off and trying something new. I think I’m really going to like this. It’s encouraging…not punitive. And, you can eat anything…you just have to eat it in moderation. Logging your food in the app is super easy. We ate at the same restaurant last night and I could order anything from the menu. Unfortunately, I didn’t get much walking in yesterday because we had to go to town for Mr. FixIt’s x-ray study. I had planned to walk while he was in radiology, but I had to go the the DMV instead. But that’s ok…my legs and feet were a little sore from walking on Monday. I DID lose one pound! I’ll get out today for a lovely walk at the park by the river.

“For as the soil makes the sprout come up and a garden causes seeds to grow, so the Sovereign Lord will make righteousness and praise spring up before all nations.”
Isaiah 61:11 NIV

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*Do you have someone you want to encourage? Maybe they’re a struggling mom trying to juggle a hundred different things. Or a widow that wonders if she’s doing anything right now that her world is turned upside down. Or a college student just wrapping up a difficult year. Here’s a coffee mug with an encouraging word…”You’re doing a great job!” Simple and to the point.*

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Another Cold Spell

Tue, 18 Apr 2023 01:30:00 -0600

My new shoes in the “Ocean Waves” pattern. I got them for the beach!

OMGosh! It’s been really chilly the last couple of days but it warms up on Wednesday. The low last night was predicted to be 39° and 36° tomorrow night. I took the quilt top to the quilter yesterday morning. I stopped for donuts on the way in case there were folks there and sure enough, the parking lot filled up right after I arrived. We all sat around and talked about the projects we’re working on and nibbled on our pastries. It was so much fun. I miss having a stitching group to get together every week. Maybe this fall I’ll organize something!

I got a notification that a couple of samples I ordered from my shop had arrived so I stopped at the Post Office to get them. Then I headed home to help Mr. FixIt clean house. We got in the habit of stacking books and magazines beside our Big Red Chairs and we have a tendency to throw our jackets on the back of the sofa. So it just took a little while to get things put away.

We have to go to town today for an appointment and to pick up prescriptions. I noticed some little black ants in the camper this weekend so I need to get some ant poison to leave in there. I really need to move the camper around to the back of the house and get it away from the maple tree because that’s where the ants are coming from.

By late afternoon, we were ready to stop for the day and I fixed supper. I thawed out some salmon and made saffron rice with mushrooms and steamed asparagus. OMGosh! It was SO yummy. Mr. FixIt never complains about my cooking, but he has…only once…told me something was good but I didn’t have to make it again. *giggle* He’s such a gentle man. Anyway, he raved about this meal so I need to make it more often. I think I only have one more meal left out of that large salmon filet I bought in late January. Fish is really good for you!

He had never had saffron rice before. I haven’t made it in years. I bought some saffron at the store a year or two ago and finally decided yesterday was the day. I don’t know if you’ve ever cooked with saffron or know where it comes from. It originated in Greece but today it comes primarily from Morocco, Greece, India, and Iran. It comes from the saffron crocus and looks just like the little caucus that blooms in the early spring except the stigmas are longer. Each flower only produces three strands of saffron that are harvested in the mid morning while the flowers are still closed. And all this is done by hand. It takes at least 1,000 to produce one ounce of saffron which can costs $60.00 an ounce or more. You can get a .07oz tin for under $14 through my affiliate link on Amazon HERE.

I take a couple of good pinches of the saffron and put in a tiny dish. If you have a mortar and pestle, grind it with a half teaspoon of sugar then add 2-3 tablespoons of warm water. Stir and let sit for the the saffron to “bloom”. Then add a little salt. While the saffron is soaking, caramelize some onions and sliced white mushrooms. Stir in the cooked rice and the soaked saffron along with another pinch of the dried saffron and you have a beautiful, rich side dish that goes wonderfully with seafood, chicken, or lamb.

Two more sleeps…it’s time for a road trip, y’all!

“But food does not bring us near to God; we are no worse if we do not eat, and no better if we do.”
1 Corinthians 8:8 NIV

#Saffron, #Cooking, #Salmon

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“What happens at the campfire, stays at the campfire”

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Another Long Day

Thu, 06 Apr 2023 01:30:00 -0600

A storm was brewing when we got home last evening. A cold front came in and ran smack dab into the balmy 87° heat we had in the afternoon!

Well, I told you it would be a long day and I was right. It was 9:30 last night before I finally sat down to write my post. We left the house at 11:00 yesterday morning. The medical appointments always take longer than expected. While mine was shorter than usual, it’s still a long wait. Mr. FixIt walked around the mall to keep himself occupied. We went to lunch and had Wendy’s salads between the appointments.

I saw my dermatologist yesterday for my annual whole body skin check. I had a melanoma removed from my arm in 2005, so I have to be diligent with my checkups. She was pleased with the condition of my face. I had a yeast overgrowth last year and between the ointment she prescribed and washing my face with dandruff shampoo really helped. I think using an Optase wipe once a week helped too because it has tea tree oil in it. She did notice some dryness and didn’t think the Cerave Daily Moisturizer with SPF was enough so she added Lipikar Balm AP+ twice a day. I put it on last night after I washed my face and my skin sucked it up like unpainted drywall! It feels nice on my skin and it’s not heavy or greasy. It’s over the counter, too. It doesn’t have sunscreen so I still need to use the Cerave.

Aging skin isn’t something to trifle with…especially if you were a sun worshiper who eschewed sunscreen and used tanning beds like I did. I have those spots on my skin that are more than freckles. My mom’s generation called them liver spots, sun spots, age spots, or solar lentigines. Sounds appropriately icky, doesn’t it? Almost all of them are benign. However, you start getting into a dicey area when you have actinic keratoses. These are precancerous and can turn into squamous cell carcinoma. Every time I see my dermatologist, I get two or three of them frozen. Yesterday was no different. I’ve had a stubborn one on the back of my hand that we’ve frozen several times. She froze that one good and hard as well as one on the back of my arm and in my hairline on my temple. That was a stinger!

My skin has changed so much in the last ten years. I have spots on my torso and I told her I am turning 70 in June. I lamented that I had “old lady skin.” She said, “You are NOT old! Those are your wisdom spots!” So just like my rapidly graying hair, the spots threatening to turn my body into a connect-the-dots puzzle are merely an outward sign of my inner crone waking up! In olden times, our elders were revered for the treasure trove of knowledge they carried with them. I say…let’s normalize aging. Let’s revere the elders for the repository of information that they are and elevate them with care and respect.

Saying this now seems to intimate I didn’t care before. I did. But now, it seems more pressing and I’m acutely aware of my short-comings. Let’s teach the new generations how to respect our elders by emulating good behaviors. Even though we are “of a certain age” we still have elders out there…just not as many. It’s never too late to reach back and teach those coming up the ranks to be better people.

So, get your skin checked and wear sunscreen daily, my friends. You’ll thank me later!

“Beloved, I pray that all may go well with you and that you may be in good health, as it goes well with your soul.”
3 John 1:2 ESV

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“A lovely item with a delicious scent. Thank you!” ~ P.S.

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Heavens to Murgatroyd!

Tue, 21 Mar 2023 01:30:00 -0600

The light pollution from Parkersburg to the west.

I had to look up the origins of that phrase. Turns out, it was started by the writers of the Yogi Bear Show in 1961. It’s what the character “Snagglepuss” used to exclaim. His other memorable line was “Exit…stage left!” It’s the little things that keep me entertained!

Anyway…I digress. How many times have I lamented over a trip to town turning into a trek the likes of which would tempt a lesser woman to lose her religion? Fortunately, Mr. FixIt’s doctor appointment wasn’t at the crack of dawn. That being said, I really don’t like late appointments either. I worked in medicine most of my life. I know what happens by 3:00 in the afternoon. Days can easily devolve into chaos and patients sit in an endless loop of boredom and frustration. It’s not for the faint of heart.

Thankfully, my sweet husband had the foresight to head into town early to get the majority of our errands and shopping done before his 2:50 appointment. We went to my favorite store first…Rural King. We needed kitty litter, and we gave in and bought another bag of birdseed. Our feather kids have been busy at the feeders since they arrived from their winter abodes. We stopped to get a bite to eat and headed to the appointment.

It was a stellar day yesterday. It got warmer than they predicted and the thermometer on the car said 54°! I sat in the car and worked on my project and finally…three hours later…Mr. FixIt came back to the car. The good news is, he’s improving and doesn’t have to come back for three months. The bad news is…sitting three hours in a doctor’s office isn’t any fun.

We stopped to pick up a few groceries and headed home. We left home at 12:30 and got back at 7:30. I truly wish we lived just on the outskirts of town instead of out in the boonies. It would make life a lot easier. One of these days…we’ll get there. At least we’re heading in the right direction. I don’t have to be anywhere till Saturday when my high school girlfriends are meeting for coffee! We haven’t had a coffee date since December so it’s long overdue.

I ordered something special for Little’s sixteenth birthday and it arrived yesterday. It was a custom order and turned out better than I could have imagined! I’ll share it with you all after they’ve opened the gift so I won’t run the risk of spoiling the surprise…theirs and mine. Cryptic! It is so har for e to believe that my Little Bear is nearly sixteen! I mean…where on earth has the time gone. They were only five when Mr. Virgo died. They barely remember him anymore.

Time has a way of slipping away from us. The days were long, but the years were short.

“For as the earth brings forth its sprouts, and as a garden causes what is sown in it to sprout up, so the Lord God will cause righteousness and praise to sprout up before all the nations.”
Isaiah 61:11 ESV

Mother Nature is Fickle

Sat, 25 Feb 2023 02:30:00 -0600

Windy

It was about 72° Thursday night when I went to bed. The peepers were peeping. The wind was gusting hard and shaking the camper. And I drifted off to sleep like a baby. When I woke up yesterday morning, it was 30° and I quickly threw another blanket over me and turned on the electric blanket.

These are the kind of days that treat you with thermometer whiplash and make you wish Mother Nature would just make up her mind already. When I was growing up, I heard that vast spreads in ambient temperature can make you sick. I always thought it was an old wives tale. Working in medicine, we learned that it wasn’t going out with a wet head that made you sick…it was a virus that you picked up.

It turns out, it’s kinda sorta true. It’s not the change in temperature that makes you sick but the overall weather conditions. When it’s cold out, the air is drier. The mucus membranes in our upper airways act as a filter to catch viruses before they can get to the lungs. If those viruses hit a desert in your throat, the body can’t defend itself as well. Also, we spend more time indoors when it’s cold out and being in close proximity with others contributes to the spread of respiratory illnesses.

When it starts warming up at this time of year, everything starts to bud and grow and the air becomes inundated with pollen. It’s a lot windier when the weather changes, so if you are sensitive to pollen and have allergies, that can lead to actually getting sick, too. So…grandma was right, and so were the doctors that taught me.

By the time I sat down to write last night it was already down to the mid-30’s. I’m tough, and really love to sleep in the camper, but that’s pushing it…even for me. We’ve spent the winter staying on the cool side. I finally convinced Mr. FixIt that we really don’t need to keep the house so warm. It doesn’t hurt us a bit to put on a sweater and we sleep under an electric blanket anyway. Once I got him used to a cooler house at night, it wasn’t a very big stretch to keep the thermostat down in the parts of the house we aren’t using during the day.

Now that we’ve spent this winter tolerating much cooler temperatures in the house, I’m sure we’re going to have a heck of a time adjusting to the extreme heat and humidity of July and August. Since we’re going to Colorado this summer, I think we should go during late July to early August. Colorado is much more temperate and the evenings almost always cool off into the 70’s.

We had a lovely day yesterday. Not a lot of work got done around here. Cooking and cleaning the kitchen is a never ending job. I made some fabulous breakfast burritos yesterday morning. Large flour tortillas filled with scrambled eggs, fried potatoes, and home-canned pinto beans, rolled and placed in a casserole dish, then covered with home canned pork green chile, shredded cheddar, and home-canned salsa. I avoided the extra phosphorus and sodium that comes with processed foods and we declared they were just as good as any you could buy in a restaurant. We basically pieced the rest of the day. The older I get, the less regimented I get with the whole three square meals a day. You would never know it by looking at my weight, but I’m focusing more on healthy nutrition, hydration, exercise, and good sleep hygiene. That makes all the difference in the world in how I feel.

I did work on the project yesterday, but I didn’t seem to get a lot done. That’s ok…today’s another day. It’ll be chilly again so we’re liable to stay around the house today, too. I hope you are having a good weekend and your weather isn’t too tough.

“For as long as Earth lasts, planting and harvest, cold and heat, Summer and winter, day and night will never stop.””
Genesis 8:22 MSG

Little Bunny Foo Foo

Thu, 23 Feb 2023 02:30:00 -0600

The first year or two that I lived here on what has now become known as Marshmallow Ranch (formerly known as The Ponderosa), there were no critters in the back yard. Before that, a big Australian Shepherd policed the fenced in back yard and nothing dared to enter. But, after those first couple of years, the dog’s scent dissipated and the bunnies came back with a vengeance.

We’ve given up trying to raise a garden here because between the poor soil and the bunnies, we were knocked down every year. That’s just as well…we can get better produce while we support local farmers anyway. And, I love the bunnies. Something got one in the yard the other night. I’m thinking one of the owls from the surrounding woods had a fine supper. Or maybe an early morning hawk. Either way, the yard was littered with bunny fluff on Monday morning. It is the hazard of country living.

When I went out to the camper last night, this beauty sat stock still and didn’t make the usual run for the shadows. I stood and talked to the bunny while I carefully took out my phone to capture a photo, knowing fully well I might miss the opportunity. Night shots on a phone…no matter how wonderful they are, loses detail when you zoom in. But if you take the picture, then crop it down, you get better definition.

Mr. FixIt stood at the door, watching me watch the bunny. I waved him out to me because the peepers were also calling. They really shouldn’t be out this early…it’s a sign of negative climate change which affects everything, including the storms we are subjected to. Storms have been getting worse and worse over the last few years and it’s not a good sign. All that being said, there is a little flutter in your heart when you start seeing and hearing the first vestiges of spring.

I saw a robin in the pear tree yesterday morning. I was awakened at dawn by the sound of rain on the roof of the camper. Mr. FixIt has ditched his jeans and has changed to shorts. Now, it won’t matter if there’s a blizzard…he’ll be wearing shorts till next winter. (implied eye roll) Our diet is changing. Gone are all the heavy sweets and stews. We had a lovely chef’s salad last night. And I was back in the camper again. I’m making it a goal to sleep in the camper at least once every month of 2023! The time for heading out to a campground will be here soon then Mr. FixIt will come along with me.

We didn’t get quite as warm yesterday as they predicted, but today ought to be in the mid to high 70’s and that is blissful…global warming aside. My peeps in Colorado are freezing with sub-zero temps and snow. Yet another reminder of why I left there. I just can’t do snow like that anymore.

I have errands in town today, so the project will sit for the day. I need a break anyway. Big will have a birthday soon and I want to get a little care package sent to her. I’ll need a farm fix soon, as well. Keeping busy with this project since Christmas has kept my mind occupied and made the deeper darkness of winter pass more quickly. I do better with the “winter gloomies” if I have something big on my plate.

“Careful planning puts you ahead in the long run; hurry and scurry puts you further behind.”
Proverbs 21:5 MSG

It’s Time to Get Serious Here

Sat, 04 Feb 2023 02:30:00 -0600

I need to lose weight. Oh, it’s not for the weddings in May and June. It’s not to fit into something pretty or to look better in my jeans. Frankly, I haven’t worn jeans since the pandemic started. That’s how I got into this pickle. When you wear stretchy pants, you have a lot of room to grow into. Jeans will remind you when you’ve been hitting the pizza particularly hard.

No, I just want to lose weight so I feel better. So I’ll have more energy. So I can keep doing the things I want to do. Because if I don’t, I’m going to have to give up hauling a camper cross country a lot sooner than I’d like. You truly do have to “use it or lose it.” I’m far to young to give up on the fun part of life!

I have found it a lot easier if you have a health conscious buddy that you can partner with who wants to achieve the same goals. You can encourage each other and keep each other accountable. And most definitely cheer each other on. It takes a lot of cheerleading to accomplish weight lost. The rewards are tremendous.

I wish I could lose weight as easily as most men do. If a man wants to lose weight, he cuts out that extras slice and maybe only takes one pastry with his coffee at the office and he can drop a ton in no time. A woman? Not so much. I can get fat on air. When I grab that slice of cake, my inner dialog all to often vacillates between, “Go ahead…you deserve it!” to “Oh, who are you kidding…you might as well smear it on you butt because it’s going to go there anyway!”

These types of self-destructive conversations foil my efforts far too often. I’m not ugly with myself. I don’t call myself names. I just love to cook…and I love to eat. But, I’m at a point now where I can’t keep fooling myself that it doesn’t matter. It’s time…PAST time…to get the ball rolling and try some healthier habits.

I’ve been making some small changes over the last few months. I’ve almost cut out diet soda completely. I have cut out coffee and caffeine. If I want a sweet, I have it without guilting myself. I just have a smaller piece and stay away from seconds. I’ve started eating a small yogurt every night that has probiotics in it. I sprinkle some low sugar, high protein granola over it. That is just as satisfying as a bowl of ice cream…something I haven’t had for nearly a year.

We are breakfast eaters, so I’ll pull one of those sausage patties I made last weekend out of the freezer, fry an egg in a nonstick pan, sprinkle a tablespoon of shredded cheese on it and sandwich it between slices of lo-cal bread. It’s very filling and lasts me till late afternoon when we eat supper. That’s not all that bad.

It’s supper that gives me trouble. I love pasta dishes and red meat and pork roasts and baked potatoes. We don’t have nearly enough fruits and vegetables with our meals. This is where I need to get busy and make some changes. We never go to dinner in restaurants. We seldom eat fast food and when we do, it’s usually Wendy’s where I eat a salad and Mr. FixIt has a baked potato with chili over it.

Back in 2016, I worked with a trainer and lost a lot of weight and got really fit. I don’t know that I can walk the Quincy Hill steps like I did back then. That was really hard on my knees. I CAN get out and walk every day…I just have to make the first steps. Then the second. And before I know it, things with progress in the direction I want to go.

If you want to end up in a different place, you have to stop taking the same old road.

It’s time.

“….Or didn’t you realize that your body is a sacred place, the place of the Holy Spirit? Don’t you see that you can’t live however you please, squandering what God paid such a high price for? The physical part of you is not some piece of property belonging to the spiritual part of you. God owns the whole works. So let people see God in and through your body.”
1 Corinthians 6:19-20 MSG

SUCH Good News!!!

Wed, 11 Jan 2023 02:30:00 -0600

Guess where I am???

OMGosh, y’all…I had my last appointment with the endocrine surgeon yesterday morning and received such good news. My numbers are now in the normal range!!! That means my second surgery was a success. I thought it must be improved because I’ve been feeling much better the last six months. I no longer feel the deep bone pain I had before. And, as my sweet husband can attest…I’m no longer Miss Cranky Pants! I don’t need to see Dr. Phay again unless something comes up. He said while it IS possible one of the remaining glands may give me trouble in the future, it’s not very likely. Thank you, Jesus and Dr. Phay!!!

An additional high note is…the new medicine I’ve been taking for sleep seems to be doing the trick. Instead of an occasional restful night, it’s flipped and I have an occasional night with not quite as much sleep as I would like and the rest are 8-9 hours of good, solid snoozing. Can I get another “Praise, Jesus!”

I finished Christmas Stocking #9 yesterday!

I’m on cloud nine! Mr. FixIt and I went to town yesterday afternoon to get more birdseed for our little feathered friends. We needed to get birthday presents for two of our great grandsons. And we were out of eggs. I am praying the next generation of laying hens fare better and aren’t plagued with avian flu. I didn’t even ask Mr. FixIt how much the eggs were at Aldi’s. We are fortunate to be able to still afford most of the foods we are accustomed to eating. We have cut way back on red meat. We mostly eat roast pork and chicken when it’s on sale. But it sure hurts to pay so much for eggs.

After we arrived home from town and I got the groceries put away, I packed a few things and headed to the farm for a couple of days. It has been quite a while since I’ve stayed out here…maybe before Thanksgiving? I’m not sure. All I know is, I needed a farm fix! I brought my laptop, a book, the new Girlcamper and Country Living Magazines, and my knitting. I brought out some of the leftover spaghetti sauce, a can of Progresso Chicken Noodle Soup, and some pancake mix. Oh, and a couple of slices of the Hummingbird Cake!

It is so quiet and peaceful out here at the farm. It’s toasty warm with the gas stoves and the furnace running. I have an electric blanket on the bed so I am cozy and snug as a bug in a rug. I’ll make some phone calls that I don’t seem to have time for when I’m at home. I’ll go back to my sweetie tomorrow morning because it’s supposed to start snowing on Friday. I am so blessed to have access to my childhood home. Even though it technically isn’t “ours,” we work all summer mowing and keeping the place up in exchange for getting to stay here whenever we can. And that makes my heart sing!

“My people will live in a peaceful neighborhood— in safe houses, in quiet gardens.”
Isaiah 32:18 MSG

Twenty-Three Years and Counting

Fri, 06 Jan 2023 02:30:00 -0600

It was a cold yet beautiful day. The sky was azure blue with occasional white puffy clouds. Everyone left for the day…my daughter to school, her daddy to work at the hospital. I’m not sure what I did that day other than what I had been doing for longer than I could remember…to try to escape into a drug-induced sleep.

I was lost, broken, sad, confused, angry. I was more depressed than I had ever been in my life and I couldn’t seem to pull myself out of it this time. My marriage was irretrievably broken. It had been so long since I worked outside the home. My medical registration to practice Radiologic Technology had long since lapsed. And besides, even if it hadn’t, I didn’t have it together enough to get a job. I felt trapped like a bug in a box and I didn’t know where to turn.

So, I turned further inward.

It was really dark and scary in there. I’ve read so many comments about loss to suicide in the years since that day. Things like, “What were they thinking!” “How selfish!” “If only they’d told me.” These are the thoughts of stable-minded people. Let me assure you, when you are in the briny deep, your thoughts are anything BUT stable. You aren’t thinking straight. You are just so bloody tired and you honestly think you’ll be doing your loved ones a favor by disappearing.

I tried to disappear. Oh, it wasn’t like I had the conscious thought that I wanted to die. I didn’t. I just wanted the pain to go away. I went to sleep…only to wake up in the emergency room getting my stomach pumped. A night in ICU. Two nights on acute care. Then a trip to the Front Range to a “Behavioral Unit” to start me on the long and arduous road to recovery.

It was twenty-three years ago today that I went to sleep and woke up in the bottom of the barrel. It was God’s miracle I survived. When I was walking down the tunnel toward the light, God sent my late grandma to turn me around. “Young lady, you get back down there! You have work to do!” She knew how to make you do as you were told. Intense therapy saved me. I stopped drinking. I stopped abusing prescription drugs. I drew closer to God and started a journey that led me to Jesus.

When I look back on those terribly dark days, I have a hard time imagining how I got so low. I’ve spent every day since trying to make it up to my family by being the best human I can be. I know there are others who have been on this same journey and maybe they still are. Maybe it’s not something they feel they can talk about. Maybe it’s something they would just as soon forget. For me, it is something I praise God for because without his Hand covering my heart, I would have been lost. Not only here, but for all eternity.

So, I share this story every year on my “Re-Birth Day” in the hopes of offering encouragement to those who may be struggling with their mental health. I had no idea at the time how my actions would affect those who loved me…especially my children. I still ache over that.

Self-care IS health care. If you find yourself in a similar circumstance, please tell your trusted health care provider and get the help you need. Once I was well again, my life has been extraordinary and I’ve discovered why God saved me. My life’s purpose has been this ministry I’ve been given. My writing has been my tool. My pain has become my platform.

I’m grateful beyond words to be here…twenty-three years and counting.

“Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don’t get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.”
Matthew 6:34 MSG

Eat the Cake!

Wed, 28 Dec 2022 02:30:00 -0600

“Here’s the link to Homemade Chocolate Cake...Grandma Lois’ recipe.”

The other night…I had a dream. I don’t dream all that often. Perhaps more precisely…I don’t remember my dreams. This one was really vivid and clear. I was attending an event honoring Queen Elizabeth. It was jam packed with people…dressed to the nines. All pomp and circumstance, as an event honoring Royalty would be.

I was seated at a long table. It was formally set with fine china, silver, crystal and lovely flower centerpieces. I hadn’t noticed anyone I really recognized till I saw the woman seated directly across from me. It was Oprah! Oh, I was so excited to get to meet her…I’ve always wanted to. At that moment, the service staff brought everyone a lovely slice of triple layer chocolate cake!

Everyone beamed, picked up their forks, and took that first delicious bite…swooning at the decadent dessert. I looked over at Oprah, and with a tinge of sadness in my voice, I said… “I picked a heck of a day to quit sweets, didn’t I?”

Oprah looked at me incredulously. Our eyes locked.

“Eat the cake.”

I looked down at this amazing, rich, slice of heaven and wondered if I should. I was feeling pretty porky lately. I’d made a promise to myself. I had not willpower anyway…why not just keep going?

I looked back up and Oprah was still watching me. Her face softened. Her voice dropped to a conspiratorial whisper.

“Just eat the cake.”

So I did. And it was divine! The world didn’t end and neither did I.

There’s a difference between being healthy and being deprived. Life is short and unpredictable. We don’t know when the end will come…so eat the cake. “Eating cake” can be interpreted in much more than consuming a pastry. Do the things you’ve wanted to do. Dance. Sing. Draw. Read. Nap. Write. Swim. Bike. Cook. Meditate. Knit. Paint. Sew. Walk. Garden. Work. Hike. Listen. Speak. Stand. Sit. Run. And, pray.

Pray always and without ceasing.

Live every day of your life.

Live EVERY day of your life.

LIVE every day of your life!

Just LIVE.

“Oh! Teach us to live well! Teach us to live wisely and well!
Psalm 90:12 MSG

The Power of Being Older

Mon, 12 Dec 2022 02:30:00 -0600

Deer in the headlights. Photo Credit: scienceabc.com

We didn’t do much yesterday. Watched some football together. Mr. FixIt baked a big batch of Peanut Butter Blossoms. Then around 5:00, we drove to town to get something to eat and go to Ollie’s…a bargain outlet in town that was having a 25% off sale on Christmas and toys for members. As we drove by, the sale had just started and the parking lot was crazy busy, so we decided to run across town to Rural King. We needed bird seed, cat food, and kitty litter. We figured we would hit the sale on our way back through town.

When we got there, the parking lot was just as full, if not worse, and I begged Mr. FixIt to bag it and go home. But the allure of a good sale is something that’s hard to fight. Our first clue of trouble was…there were NO empty carts anywhere. He wandered the parking lot in the dark, hoping for one to no avail. When he came back in, I was standing near the front of the store talking with a friend who was leaving empty handed. She wasn’t going to stand in line for over an hour for cheap, plastic stuff from China. Smart woman!

I asked Mr. FixIt if he was ready to bag it now and he said he was going to make a circle around the store. Which was exactly where the checkout line was…ALL the way around the store. He was gone about five minutes when he came back and agreed it just wasn’t worth it to fight all this. He’s gone to this sale before, but later in the evening when the crowds were thinned out. Of course, by that time, everything is picked over so I’m not sure what kind of “quality items” would be left by that time.

We finished chatting with my friend Stacey then headed home. I’ve told you before, we live about 20 miles from town out a curvy two-lane blacktop. It’s really dark and lonely out those roads, but you still get the occasional oncoming car and have to dim your headlights. I’m really bad about remembering to turn them back on so Mr. FixIt dutifully reminds me every time. As soon as I turned the brights back on, there was a deer alongside the road…preparing to cross in front of me. I slammed on the brakes and the squeal of the tires caused the deer to hesitate and we just narrowly missed her.

This is exactly why I do NOT like to be in town after dark at this time of year. The trip wasn’t for nought…we had dinner out at a totally empty Arby’s and we got our bird and cat supplies. But still, my heart was pounding the rest of the way home. Fortunately, the cars backed up behind me seemed to be fine with the slower speed and we didn’t see another deer near the road.

Remember when I told you about going off coffee and my stomach pain that I’ve been fighting for years totally went away? Well, I though maybe it was because I switched to decaf tea, so last Friday I had one cup of decaf coffee and was absolutely miserable all weekend with cramping. This is very sad, because I LOVE coffee. But I love feeling better more. It didn’t decrease at all over the weekend. As a matter of fact, it’s gotten worse.

If any of you suffer with IBS (irritable bowel syndrome), you can relate to how uncomfortable it is. This is my worst time of year for symptoms because they are triggered by rich fatty foods and chocolate, among other things. And what do I do at this time of year? I eat all the bad things. Now, there have been years I’ve skated by without much of a problem. But stress is a huge kicker and tomorrow marks a year since my dear friend Sparky died. I am not afraid to tell you…it’s been hitting me especially hard. I’ll cut out the triggers and meditate extra and pray and increase my exercise and I’m sure it will straighten up soon. If not, I’ll go see my PCP this week. Ugh…not what I need during the holidays.

I was supposed to visit my friend Richard today, but I took a rain check. I am just going to take it easy for the next few days. I’ll order the little one’s Christmas presents online and call it good! Working on the wedding quilt will help my mental as well as physical health. There is power in being older…we know for sure when to say enough is enough.

“Anxiety in a man’s heart weighs him down, but a good word makes him glad.”
Proverbs 12:25 ESV

A Sigh of Relief

Fri, 09 Dec 2022 02:30:00 -0600

I don’t really consider myself a vain person. Not anymore. I used to be much more self-conscious and tried to “keep up with the Joneses”. But now that I AM a Jones and live out in the country and I’m rapidly closing in on 70, I find my beauty comes from within. And I’m good with that.

I stopped cutting my hair simply because of covid and then…it just seemed to be pretty cost conscious to avoid the salon. I got used to pulling it back in a ponytail and braiding it to keep it from tangling and breaking. This kept it healthy, but I’ve been toying with cutting it for a few months now.

As I told you yesterday, I wasn’t really thrilled with it when I got home. I thought maybe the cut itself was bad because it looked really choppy. It turns out, my hair has changed drastically in the three years since I stopped cutting it. There are several reasons for that. One is my age. Grey hair has a tendency to be more coarse and wiry. But that doesn’t explain the curls that made an appearance since my last cut.

I’m sure braiding it all the time has trained it to curl more than it was before. And, my hyperparathyroidism seems to have been a factor. I asked in my Parathyroid Support Group if others had seen a difference in their hair and the response was an overwhelming “Yes!” Interestingly, the results were about 50/50…some had gone from straight to curly like me, and some had just the opposite effect. They went from having abundant curls to slightly wavy.

I called my regular salon yesterday. The gal who used to do my hair isn’t there any longer so they gave the name of another stylist who has over thirty years experience. I felt comfortable with that. Kendra spent a great deal of time with me. I’ve known the salon owner since high school. He came over and consulted and the two of them agreed it really wasn’t a BAD cut…but it did need a little finessing.

It turns out, my hair is entirely different than it was three years ago. Though it was nearly stick straight and baby fine all my life, there was a LOT of it. And now, it’s coarse and really curly from my ears back. The whole back of my head. So when I blew it dry like I’d always done before, it did nothing but frizz out.

Kendra showed me how to style it to keep that from happening. We made a plan to let it grow and we’ll keep trimming it till we get the layers grown out, then maybe down the road, we’ll want to try a different approach altogether and embrace the curls. At any rate, I felt immensely better when I left the salon than I did when I went in. I bought some really good professional quality shampoo and conditioner to keep my hair healthy. All the girls in the salon were so envious of my color. They said they get women all the time that want them to put low lights in their hair like I have and mine is all natural.

When I was finished at the salon, I went to Sam’s because it’s close by. We needed a few things, but the store wasn’t terribly crowded and I decided to just browse and people watch. I’ve been wanting an enameled cast iron Dutch oven for forty years and never bought myself one. Sam’s had one for $45 so I bought a beautiful fire engine red model!

I’ve also been looking for a way to watch the movies from my iPad on our big screen TV. I have the first generation Apple TV, but it no longer works with the newer technology. When I saw one at Sam’s for $65 dollars off, I picked one up. The bonus is, I can download an app from the Apple Store and watch Big’s college swim meets on the big screen! I hear of people ditching Satellite in favor of online TV and it’s much cheaper. I’ll be exploring that. It’s always a good idea to be more frugal in entertainment to keep the cash flow for the things that are currently more expensive.

I reached Daughter #1 by phone on my way home. We don’t always get a chance to just sit and talk at any length. She’s very busy and with the time difference, we miss each other a lot. This time we talked for a good forty-five minutes and it did my heart good. I ended my night feeling MUCH better…lighter, healthier, less stressed. One might call this “retail therapy.” I prefer to call it killing many birds with one stone that saves money in the long run and made my heart and mind healthy and happy.

And…I got a really rad Dutch oven to boot!

“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.”
Romans 8:28 ESV

#Health, #Happiness, #Peace

Self Care Isn’t Selfish

Mon, 28 Nov 2022 02:30:00 -0600

Actor Jonah Hill interviews his therapist, psychiatrist Phil Stutz in this touching and eye-opening documentary on Netflix…Stutz.

Last week I had a moment. I was burning the candle at both ends, running on little sleep, and trying to put on a memorable Thanksgiving Extravaganza. Then I hit the wall on Thursday and, even though there was SO much left to be done for Friday’s gathering, I gave myself permission to crawl back in my bed, pull the cozy covers up to my ears, and drift off for a few more hours of much needed rest. I sacrificed the extra baking by asking Mr. FixIt to stop on his way home from town and buy readymade pies. I knew the rest would get done and if it didn’t…it certainly wasn’t the end of the world. As it turned out, everything came together at precisely the right moment and came off without a hitch.

Self care isn’t selfish. It’s imperative that we take care of our health…physical, spiritual, and mental. Without it, there is no moving forward. If there is anything good to have come out of the pandemic, it is an increased awareness of mental health struggles. I think we all can watch the news and social media interactions and see a great number of people aren’t at their best right now. It’s frankly a little scary to see systems we always trusted to run somewhat smoothly break down in the most unexpected ways.

The people we have in our lives are there for a reason. There is a lot of truth to the adage that people are put in your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. Some just come to share information. Some are there to teach us lessons. The ones I find most valuable to me are the ones who hold up a mirror and reflect back to me who I am in any given moment. We change, we grow, we move on. But sometimes, we remain stuck, trying to change the outcome of something which is futile. The past is unchangeable. It’s what we do with the information and the lessons that propel us forward that count most.

Hubby #2 and I went through a lot. We both had wounds that we recognized in each other. In our naïveté, we came together thinking we would heal each other and be together for the rest of our lives. That isn’t how it worked out. And there was a terrible amount of angst involved in the unraveling. I sank into a deep clinical depression and for a variety of reasons, was nearly doctored to death trying to come out of it. It took a long, l-o-n-g time for both of us to evolve enough to have deep conversations. I cannot speak for him, but for me, it offered the healing I longed for but just couldn’t reach while we were together.

A week or so ago, Hubby #2 sent me a message and recommended I watch a documentary on Netflix called Stutz. It’s directed by the actor, Jonah Hill and is about his therapist, Dr. Phil Stutz. This is groundbreaking. For a therapist to allow himself to be so vulnerable as to open up the way he did in front of the camera was remarkable. It demonstrated the profound trust the two of them have for one another. Jonah extols the virtues of Dr. Stutz’s teachings and credits the tools he learned in therapy for saving his life.

When I lost Mr. Virgo, I got through it…perhaps easier is not the right word. It’s more like I had been through such a terrible loss at the end of my marriage, the resultant therapy facilitated a grief journey I was much better prepared for. Had it happened the other way around, I am fairly certain I would not have survived my husband’s death. I had a lot more tools in my toolbox. But nothing quite so well articulated as the tools Dr. Stutz taught Jonah.

I decided to wait till after Thanksgiving to watch Stutz. And, I preferred to watch it alone. I knew it would stir up lots of memories and feelings and I wanted to process that without having to share it in front of Mr. FixIt. There are private moments of grief that we don’t necessarily need to share with anyone else. That’s ok. As I waited for the right moment, I wondered if Dr. Stutz had written a book. I checked online and, indeed he did. He wrote a book with Barry Michels called The Tools…5 tools to help you find courage, creativity, and willpower and inspire you to live life in forward motion. I immediately ordered it and it arrived the day before Thanksgiving.

Mr. FixIt went to town last night to hang with his bowling buddies and I knew it was my moment to watch the film. I was entranced. I stopped, rewound, paused to reflect, and started again. The 90+ minute film took me nearly three hours to get through. I want to watch it again…at least once…before I delve into the book. I absorbed a lot of it, but the biggest takeaway was this.

No one gets it right. The whole of life is a process and you will mess it up royally, but that doesn’t matter as much as simply learning to move forward through it.

These are difficult times we’re in right now. Empathy and compassion seem to be in short supply these days and any tools we can find to help us navigate the rough waters of life are blessings. I picture a world where the tools spread from one person to another to make a great wave of healing. Yes…God is the ultimate physician and God can heal us of anything and everything. And…God can touch the minds of brilliant people and inspire them to great insights into the human condition that can help people cope. That’s what I felt in this film…because it came from a place of pure, authentic love and respect.

If you get a chance, do give it a watch. There are a few coarse words in the conversations between Jonah and Stutz, but it doesn’t take away from the message overall. I’ll let you know what I think of the book when I get through it. In the meantime, remember…take care of yourselves. And each other.

“Is it not to share your bread with the hungry and bring the homeless poor into your house; when you see the naked, to cover him, and not to hide yourself from your own flesh? Then shall your light break forth like the dawn, and your healing shall spring up speedily; your righteousness shall go before you; the glory of the Lord shall be your rear guard. Then you shall call, and the Lord will answer; you shall cry, and he will say, ‘Here I am.’ If you take away the yoke from your midst, the pointing of the finger, and speaking wickedness, if you pour yourself out for the hungry and satisfy the desire of the afflicted, then shall your light rise in the darkness and your gloom be as the noonday. And the Lord will guide you continually and satisfy your desire in scorched places and make your bones strong; and you shall be like a watered garden, like a spring of water, whose waters do not fail. And your ancient ruins shall be rebuilt; you shall raise up the foundations of many generations; you shall be called the repairer of the breach, the restorer of streets to dwell in.”
Isaiah 58:12 ESV

“A Quiet Life”

Sun, 13 Nov 2022 02:30:00 -0600

I haven’t said anything about the recent loss of Leslie Jordan. I was saddened to hear of his passing. I always got a kick out his reparte with Karen on will and Grace, but I kind of felt a little went a long way with him. Then, the pandemic hit and something magical happened. Leslie started posting a couple of times a day to Instagram..sharing his light and love with the home bound.

He was delightful and funny and self deprecating. He was no longer “too much”. He was just…real and raw. His authentic self. I especially loved his Sunday recordings where he would sing old timey Hymns that he remembered from his childhood. When he came out to his mother at the age of twelve, she told him he would be ostracized for that and she couldn’t bear it so she encouraged him to “live a quiet life.” Yeah…THAT didn’t happen!

Leslie touched the hearts of millions and his celebrity soared. He found legitimate appreciation in Nashville and recorded with bonafide mainstream artists and musicians. I just loved him and the world is a little darker without him in it. Here is a link to his interview on CBS This Morning.

We had a lovely day yesterday. One of our granddaughters held a surprise 25th Anniversary Party for her parents…Mr. & Mrs. FixIt Jr. at a local restaurant and we had such a wonderful time. There were fifteen of us and it was a total surprise. They walked in and we yelled Happy Anniversary and they had this puzzled look on their faces like…what are you all doing here? It was wonderful to be able to celebrate with them.

The rain has abated and the cold front pushed in. Our temps dropped ten degrees in ten miles. There was snow to the west-northwest of us and I know it will hit us before we know it. We ended up with close to three inches of rain in two days! I’m not going to do a thing but knit today…promise! Mr. FixIt will be off bowling this evening.

And a new week is set to begin.

“Therefore welcome one another as Christ has welcomed you, for the glory of God.”
Romans 15:7 ESV

Taking it Easy

Sun, 25 Sep 2022 01:30:00 -0600

I slept like a stone, but still woke up with this headache. Occasional scratchy throat. I don’t feel sick as much as “puny”, as my grandma used to say. I tested yesterday afternoon and was negative. I’ll keep a close watch and continue to go easy. I’m just tired, I think. We run and run and run then I crash for a couple of days. It’s not the first time and I’m sure it won’t be the last.

I knitted on the baby sweater. I read. I took a nap. Mr. FixIt and I had supper out in front of the new camper again. And I knitted some more. Before it got too dark, I walked around and took some pictures for you. We are getting more color. The dogwood tree has bright red berries on it and the birds dart in and out of the hedgerow to snatch them. The seed pods are drying nicely on the redbud so I’ll gather some in the coming days.

I’m glad we got the mowing done as soon as we got back. We are getting intermittent rain coming through. The nights are cool and refreshing in the 50’s. The highs have been in the high 60’s, low 70’s the last couple of days. I used to dread fall because it is the harbinger of winter’s long, dark nights. But after mowing five acres the last five years, I’m tickled to death to see the grass go dormant so I can get other things done.

I did find something interesting through a fellow I know on Facebook. He share the name of an app…FlightAware.

This is the app I’m using. I think they asked to start an account, but I elected to continue as a guest and I get all the information I want for free.

I’ve been hearing a helicopter fly over our house at least twice a week. He was talking about using that app to find out what a certain kind of plane was that flew over his house. The app told him what kind of plane it was, where it took off from, and where it was heading. I downloaded it and while I was knitting outside the camper in the late afternoon, I heard the helicopter.

I quickly looked it up and it was a medical flight coming out of Morgantown. It was fascinating to watch the flight real time and on the app. I thought of my Grandma. What would she have thought if we saw a plane flying over the farm and I pulled this small, flat device out of my pocket, poked a few buttons, and told her that was an airplane flying from Washington, DC to Dallas at 30,000 feet? Can you imagine? It’s crazy what we take with a grain of salt, isn’t it?

I need to get back to the quilt sometime this week. I’d like to finish this baby sweater first. There’s really nothing much new going on. We need to get out to the farm in the next few days to mow. Maybe after another day of rest, I’ll feel more like getting up and getting stuff done. I’ve learned to listen to my body, and my mind and spirit, and rest when it’s time to rest. I used to push through till I was way beyond lost and exhausted. There are benefits to aging. Knowing when to say enough is enough is one of them.

“And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.”
Galatians 6:9 ESV

The ‘ber Months Are Here!

Thu, 01 Sep 2022 01:30:00 -0600

Hello, September!

Just because I’ve got a new, fun project in the works, doesn’t mean the grass stops growing. I worked on the quilt for a few hours yesterday and then hear the familiar “rrr-rrr-rrr” of the push mower and I knew it was time to step away from the sewing nook and get some real work done.

I no sooner did my first round, cutting the perimeter of the yard, till I ran over what I thought was a stick. Turns out it was the extension cord that didn’t get put away in a timely fashion. It’s my fault…I was the last to use it and it was buried down in the grass. It took me a few seconds to realize what I’d done when the motor seized and stalled. That’s when I knew I had succeeded in wrapping the extension cord around the mower blades. I tried to pull it out, but it was really wedged in there. So, I had to put my tail between my legs and admit to Mr. FixIt that I’d made a big boo-boo.

He came out and looked and together we decided we needed to bring the ramps over and run the front of the tractor up so we could see under the mower deck. Mr. FixIt got under there and fiddled around with the cord but couldn’t seem to make any progress with unraveling it. I asked him to let me try. I’m a mom…I’ve had a lot of experience untangling things out of little girls’ long hair. I figure this couldn’t be any harder.

Because my shoulders aren’t as wide as my handsome husband’s, I was able to wiggle in under the front of the tractor between the wheels. I held the shortest end of the cord and moved it enough to tell where the next loop was. Once I got that one unwound, it was a simple task to repeat the process till it was free and I could pull it all out from under the mower blades. At which point I was now wedged in between the wheels under a pretty hot engine. Mr. FixIt gave me a hand and pulled me out of there and we congratulated ourselves for another problem solved without spending a dime!

I went on with the mowing and got both the big fields finished just as the dew started to settle. I drove around to the side of the house and sprayed down the mower and the deck to get all the damp grass off of it and pulled into the stall in the building. I was covered with grass, but filled with the satisfaction of another good day’s work being accomplished.

I’ve broken the quilt into steps. I finished sewing sixty-four color squares to sixty-four plain linen-colored squares around all four sides on Tuesday. I had eight stacks of eight squares each. Yesterday I worked on each square, one at a time, cutting them in an “x” corner to corner, ironing each triangle open into a square shape and sewing them back together in a pinwheel pattern. I got four stacks finished, which means I have four more stacks to do today. Then I can move on to step three.

Sewing is a lot more physically taxing than knitting. Between sitting and standing, reaching and twisting, then mowing and crawling under the tractor, there were muscles in my back and shoulders I’d forgotten I had! I was so happy to get in that hot shower last night. I’ll be back at it today…mowing the other half of our five acres, working on the quilt, and who knows what else I’ll get into! We still need to get out to the farm to prime that pump and it’ll be time to mow again.

I am so grateful and blessed to have my health and I’m able to do the things I love to do around here. I feel so much better than I did before I had the parathyroid tumors removed. Even though it wasn’t pleasant, I’m really glad I did that. The only thing I’m dealing with now is a kind of “chemotherapy” for these precancerous places on my face. I use a cream called fluourouracil. I put a thin layer on one section of my face (right now I’m treating my nose, my upper lip, and one small place on my cheek. It’s the weirdest stuff. It leaves the healthy skin alone, but everywhere there’s abnormal cells turns bright red and it literally burns those bad cells away.

I have had small lesions frozen or burned off before, but this stuff is much more effective at rooting out those spots you can’t even see or feel yet. I have to keep using it for several weeks and of course, I have to be super careful to use a high SPF sunscreen while I’m being treated. This is what I get for all those years of worshiping the sun and spending time in a tanning bed. It burns like a son of a gun, but I’m looking forward to clear healthy skin when I’m finished.

“Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord, and turn away from evil. It will be healing to your flesh and refreshment to your bones.”
Proverbs 3:7-8 ESV

Never Too Busy To Be Kind

Fri, 05 Aug 2022 01:30:00 -0600

I knew yesterday would be busy. I had two doctor’s appointments…one with my regular health care provider and the other with the endocrinologist. It’s been six months since I had the second parathyroid surgery and I’m actually feeling much better. My calcium is down to a level I haven’t seen in years, my Vitamin D is in the normal range, yet my parathyroid hormone is still somewhat elevated. The biggest relief is the deep bone pain is gone. That’s because my body isn’t trying to eat the calcium in my bones. Not as bad as it was, anyway. I got a relatively clean bill of health with followup appointments scheduled.

When I was finally finished with the appointments, I called up my sweetheart to see if he’d like to meet me for dinner. We went to the only restaurant in town that I’ve deemed to serve passable…if not truly authentic…Mexican food. We haven’t eaten there since before the pandemic began, so I was really looking forward to it. We even decided to eat indoors. We wore our masks in and were seated away from others in a booth that offered even more protection.

I was a little disappointed at the rushed approach by our server. She spoke little English, and from the little bit of Spanish I was able to conjure up, apparently didn’t speak that either. We did ok and ordered our food, but she didn’t give us enough time to peruse the menu and I didn’t feel like trying to make her understand we preferred not to be rushed. The chips and salsa were great. The guacamole was wet and bland. The sweet tea had that velvety smooth quality that takes me back to my Aunt Dixie’s table.

Mr. FixIt ordered the Seafood Chimichanga. It was served with a generous portion of white rice with what looked like Veg-All in it. There was also a very small amount of salad on the plate. He was almost through his dish before he found a lone shrimp. I ordered the Taco Salad. The tortilla bowl was about half the size of what you used to get and the meat had no seasoning. I was so disappointed.

“Shrinkflation” is occurring everywhere now, it seems. We stopped at Sam’s yesterday for a soda and they’ve started using smaller cups for the same price. Everyone is out to protect their bottom line. What this shows me is how incredibly spoiled we have become in this country. The sense of entitlement stuns me.

We have lived through several seminal events in the last sixty-nine years. The Cuban Missile Crisis, the assassination of President Kennedy, wars, recessions, 9/11…all events that led to “market corrections”. I told Mr. FixIt from the very beginning…we are going to feel the effects of the pandemic for a long, long time. We are only just beginning to see some of what’s to come.

We are a resilient people when we set our minds to it. Before spending money on outrageous vacations or cars or whatever, it would behoove us to use a lot more discretion in our finances. This is a turning point in time. I believe we can find ourselves again and bring truth and kindness and love into our lives. Anger is the demon’s seed.

I will always believe this.

“Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.”
James 1:19-20 ESV

Day Two is Done

Mon, 18 Jul 2022 01:30:00 -0600

The hat I started in Williamsburg.

Little and I slept in the camper their first night here in West Virginia. They wanted to see the lightning bugs in the trees. We couldn’t really hear the night sounds because it was so warm in the camper, we had to have the fans running. We both went to sleep fairly early because we were exhausted after the ten hour drive from Williamsburg. We were awakened at 3:00 yesterday morning with an amazing thunderstorm. Little wasn’t really afraid of it. Fifteen is a pretty worldly age, after all. But, the pillow WAS turned around to the other end of the bed away from the window…you know, just in case.

We both managed to go back to sleep for five more blissful hours and I had to finally wake Little up to head inside. It was warming up fast and even with the fans, it was getting stuffy in the camper. I fixed a big pancake breakfast and the rest of the day was pretty low key. We’ve been having some wonderful conversations about a wide variety of topics. Little is a deep thinker and such a joy to converse with. Witty, quick, tender-hearted, and sassy…that fits this grandchild to a T.

Having high functioning autism, Little has had to learn to compensate for a different learning style. (Little’s preferred pronouns are they/them, so that is what I will use here out of respect.) They don’t hide their autism. As a matter of fact…they are proud of it. It’s their superpower! While they may struggle in some areas, they excel in so many others and this year at school…Little discovered theater kids! Land’s sake…this child has found the home team and is thriving! Being somewhere on the spectrum myself (more than likely), we have always related to each other on a deep level. They are incredibly smart and I’m so proud of the young person they are becoming.

We may mow today…it depends on how much rain we got overnight. We’ll cook a big pot of soup beans and ham hocks in the slow cooker today. Little is expanding their culinary horizons. Yesterday’s taste treat was pickled beets. They thought it tasted pretty good. The sweet and sour combo was a hit, but the texture was a near miss. We also have chow chow and jalapeño pickled eggs to sample. We’ll have a veritable smorgasbord over the next two weeks.

Hopefully the rain storms will let up so we can get in the pool soon!

“Let the wise hear and increase in learning, and the one who understands obtain guidance,”
Proverbs 1:5 ESV

Centering with Mindfulness

Tue, 12 Jul 2022 01:30:00 -0600

All done except for the plackets, buttons and buttonholes, and weaving the ends!

When I’m riding the tractor, my mind wanders from topic to topic. I try to be mindful and present and actually…you know…mow. With all the feelings and smells and sounds and techniques that come with that. Sometime’s I’m successful at that. Other times…not so much. Yesterday was one of those days. I did manage to keep in the moment when I was mowing the little tiny rises along the road and out by the circular drive because the grass was still a little damp and the tires on this tractor can get a little slippery. But as soon as I had that done, I was off somewhere else.

You and I have talked a lot here about anxiety and depression and grief and PTSD. I’ve been doing a lot better with those since I had the second parathyroid surgery and my calcium has come back down into the normal range. I’ve used so many things over my lifetime to try to calm my poor brain…lots of prayer, therapy, medication, EMDR, meditation, exercise, diet, better sleep hygiene. Overall, it’s much better. But, from time to time, it still rears its ugly head and it is so disheartening. I know it’s not something I’m liable to be rid of completely, but I am always looking for something that will help.

Because of the nature of my writing, anytime I use a hashtag on my blog on Facebook, I start seeing sponsored ads for things. Usually I just scroll by and pay them no mind. But, yesterday’s gave me pause and I paid attention. My particular flavor of anxiety is usually anticipatory…usually surrounding an event that’s coming up and my mind takes me in every possible direction trying to plan it all out so I am not surprised by anything. I hop from one unlikely scenario to another till my palms are sweaty and my neck is tight. My tummy gets tied up in knots and my breathing picks up. It’s crazy…absolutely crazy.

The human mind is an amazing computer that prepares us for anything. The second you feel threatened, it sends out a great big dose of cortisol and adrenalin to get you ready to either stay and fight or run away as fast as your little legs can carry you. But here’s something I didn’t know…and I learned it yesterday. When we have that particular variety of anxiety, we have trained out brains to be on guard at all times…to scout out danger and let the brain and body know right away…whether there is something actually happening in real time or if it’s just something you thought up in your little monkey brain. It sucks.

But, here’s the good news. Just like you trained your brain to look for danger, you can also train it to look for the light and the good stuff. What a concept! This new app…Mood Mint…gives you little two minute exercises. It shows you four pictures and you look for and choose the happy picture…the good-for-you picture. Like three of the faces may be grumpy or judgy and the fourth is a person smiling. Or maybe it’s faces and fatty foods or exercising. Good for you things. The goal is to select as many of the happy images as you can in a certain about of time. Then it gives you a point to ponder some mental health tip and you’re reading it while you are priming your brain to “happy”. Then you go back to more photo choices. The next thing is word search puzzle with four absolutely positive words to think about as you repeat it in your head because you’re actively searching for it. Once you solve that puzzle, if there is still time, you get more photos to choose from. The last thing is a guided inhale and exhale. The whole thing is fast and easy and they suggest you do at least ten minutes of these every day. Ostensibly, in a couple of weeks, you have retrained your brain to stop looking for threats everywhere you go.

I used the app three times yesterday. And I have to tell you, I don’t know if it was the power of suggestion or placebo effect, but I did feel less anxious. We are leaving for a road trip to pick up Little this week and, while I absolutely adore that child, I worry about all the what-ifs that could happen on my watch. Sorry…it’s just how my brain is wired. And it takes a crap-ton of the delicious anticipation and fun out of it for me when I’m fighting to ward off anxiety. The app cost a couple of bucks, and I’m hoping it might be a good tool to have in my mental health tool box.

I have to add in here…God uses the bad things that happen to us and turns them around for our good and for His glory. Heaven knows the last couple of years have been really difficult with the pandemic and all the upheaval in the world. One of the only good things I’ve seen that has come out of that is an embrace of mental health issues. We are having the conversations we should have been having for decades. I see evidence of people perhaps being less ostracized for their mental health struggles because, let’s face it…it’s a lot more mainstream now.

Change can be hard to come by…but it can be really good for us all. Let’s keep our minds open for changes. We cannot all have everything we want…but we can meet in the middle and that’s worth working for.

“for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.”
2 Timothy 1:7 ESV

Tux Has a Brand New Ball

Thu, 16 Jun 2022 01:30:00 -0600

Border collies are a special breed. Gail’s border collie is named Tennessee Tuxedo…Tux for short. Smart, attentive, and full of life with oodles of love to give their chosen people, this guy is the epitome of the breed. When I first arrived on Tuesday, he was hesitant. He kept his ears back and his tail low. He walked back and forth and bristled his ruff. He growled. But at the same time, his eyes looked to Gail for reassurance that everything was ok. She assured him I was a friend.

I’ve been blessed with several dogs who chose me as their human in this life. I don’t choose to have a canine companion at this point in my life, but I do enjoy the dogs I get to interact with. I know when a dog is a bit skittish and needs a little extra time to warm up so I went in and sat on the couch and was careful not to make eye contact. I could see Tux watching me…sizing me up to see if I was going to be a threat. He circled closer and closer. I let my hand dangle off the edge of the chair. And before I knew it, he came up and gave me a sniff and a careful little kiss.

I spoke to Tux softly and gently rubbed his muzzle. We gazed into each other’s eyes and he wagged his tail. By last night, he shared his brand new ball with me and I knew I’d been accepted in his pack. In the meantime, Bailey the Lab was her mellow sweet self whose whole purpose in life is to hug the rug near your feet.

Gail and I drove out to our friend Jan’s farm yesterday for lunch. She served the best Sloppy Joe’s I think I’ve ever had. When I asked her what was in them, she said there were two simple ingredients. Farm raised beef and Sweet Baby Ray’s BBQ Sauce. Sloppy Joe’s have never been my favorite thing and now I think it’s because of all the stuff in it…green peppers and the like. Jan also served Grape Salad which consisted of red grapes in a white sauce made of sour cream, cream cheese, sugar, and vanilla. Oh, yummmmmm!

We had a lovely visit. I pulled out my knitting and worked as we chatted. Gail gave me some beautiful hand-dyed machine washable wool sock yarn in a gorgeous light caramel color for my birthday. I started knitting the socks yesterday morning and have about three or four inches done already. It’s a beautiful pattern that gives the sock texture that the solid color accentuates. Before we left, Jan showed us the old timbers and planks of rough sawn wood she is selling next week at a one day event in her barn.

Gail and I ended what was a scorcher of a summer day with a dip in her pool. We spotted the beginnings of what could become a sizable hornet’s nest under the front eaves of her house. She’ll have her husband get after that. I spoke with Mr. FixIt and the power came on around 5:00 yesterday afternoon so he was one happy camper!

It was a lovely day filled with good friends and good conversation. I think we are going to go to her favorite yarn shop today. We may get bad storms again. I certainly hope we all fare better than we did Monday!

Oh, and by the way…my friend in Florida who writes a newsletter for pet lovers contacted me yesterday with a message for you. This year is going to be a really bad year for ticks in West Virginia (and I’m sure other areas as well), so be sure your fur babies are up to date on their flea and tick protection!

Stay safe out there!

“For every kind of beast and bird, of reptile and sea creature, can be tamed and has been tamed by mankind,”
James 3:7 ESV

We Interrupt This Program

Sun, 01 May 2022 01:30:00 -0600

As I find myself aging, my body changes in so many ways. Some grand and glorious…some, not so much. Primary hyperparathyroidism makes you anxious and can cause lots of “upper GI disturbances”. Anxiety on its own can also cause these tummy troubles. Now that I have both sources, my body tells me if I’m nauseous, I must be anxious and my body sends out a huge jolt of adrenaline which only compounds the issue.

I’ve discovered by a system of elimination…combined with a short memory…that I simply cannot eat heavy foods anymore. Nine times out of ten they make me sick and send me on a spiral of ickiness. Remember when I taught myself how to make Miss Brenda Gantt’s wonderful Buttermilk Biscuits and Sausage Gravy? Can’t do it anymore. Yesterday, I made French Toast and Bacon. Nope…add that to the list of things this old body wont accept anymore.

Hey…it’s not all a bad thing (except when I forget how sick it makes me and think this time is bound to be different.) those things are not good for my cholesterol and my weight. So, it’s God’s way of saying…cut that crap out!

Yesterday was supposed to be mowing day, but it rained during the night and off and on all day so the grass was too wet. Then I was not feeling up to it. Mr. FixIt went out to the farm to double check the pump to make sure all is well with the well. (See what I did there?) It was. When he got home, he went out on the riding mower for a while and got some of the field done.

I spent the day making my packing list for the trip. It’s crazy all the things I think I need. And, since the camper is at the dealership, hopefully getting fixed by Wednesday, I cannot pack it here. I have to pack it all in the truck and spend the first couple of nights on the road organizing and making the beds, etc. I’ve decided to try to head out on Wednesday so I can be in Denver a couple of days before the senior festivities begin. That way I can rest up from the drive.

I am teaching myself how to combine two sock patterns so I can knit one with some texture to it. I think it’s going pretty well. I love to watch something come together and become something beautiful as well as useful. Knitting offers me captive time to sit quietly with Jesus and talk to Him. We work out lots of things. I give over more and more of myself with every stitch and He promises to carry the weight of all my worries so I don’t have to. Writing does the same thing for me. I can feel terribly anxious or out of sorts, but by the time I get to the end of a post, I feel so much better. Sitting with my “monkey brain” is not a good place to be. Shining the light of Jesus into all the dark corners brings me back into focus and, while all may not be right with the world, I feel much better prepared to handle whatever comes my way. And…isn’t that the peace that is beyond all understanding?

Happy May Day!

“Your testimonies are wonderful; therefore my soul keeps them. The unfolding of your words gives light; it imparts understanding to the simple.”
Psalm 119:129-130 ESV

Quit “Fixing” and Start Living

Tue, 26 Apr 2022 01:30:00 -0600

Flowering Quince on the creekbank at the farm.

I am all about personal growth. I needed it desperately…several times in my life. Each time the opportunity presented itself, I came out a better version of myself. After my first divorce, it was honestly all I could do to be a better mom and get through my days. Hubby #1 moved back to WV after we separated so he could go to college. I stayed on in Denver, raising Daughter #1 and working. I really didn’t have much time to think about personal growth. I wouldn’t have known what that meant anyway.

One of my biggest seasons of personal growth came after divorce #2. I felt like such a failure. I was forty-seven years old. Daughter #1 was grown and married and lived clear across the country. Daughter #2 was just 10. I did a lot of work in the five years after that divorce and it was really, really hard. I tried dating, but I wasn’t very good at that, either. I opened my needlework shop, I had an excellent therapist, and I learned to say no. I learned about boundaries…something the adult child of an alcoholic knows so little about. I learned about co-dependency and how badly I didn’t want that in my life anymore.

Right around the time I decided being alone wasn’t such a bad thing…in walked Mr. Virgo. A whirlwind romance ensued and soon we were walking the streets of Aspen, rubbing elbows with the beautiful people and enjoying fine dining and lots of fun. We moved around the state to new work opportunities. We lived a beautiful life.

Then he died.

While that was the most painful experience I’d had up until then, I did…once again…achieve a great deal of personal growth. I don’t think I had to work at it as hard as I did after the divorce. A lot of the tools for coping were the same.

Try as I might, I always had a hard time getting past this feeling like there was something wrong with me. I didn’t seem to think the same way as most people. I didn’t learn the same way or work the same way. I’ve since learned that I am probably neurodivergent…meaning, maybe I’m a little autistic…a little different…a little ADHD.

And that’s OK.

A lot of people fall into the category of neurodivergent and they live perfectly normal lives. They function, they cope, they adapt, they mask. They get by.

Yesterday morning, I was laying in bed thinking about the one characteristic I have that trips me up far too often…far more than I usually admit. And that is…anxiety. Anxiety has been my constant, most unwelcome companion for as long as I can remember. I hate it. It makes me feel broken…abnormal…weird. You can’t keep asking people to wait up for you to get your act together so you can join in, because (you think) you can do that if you just work on “fixing this problem”.

What hit me yesterday morning was a brilliant flash of insight.

Maybe I was never broken. Maybe I was just planted in the wrong places. Mistaken. Misunderstood.

What if? What if I quit trying to FIX myself to fit better into other people’s expectations of me? What if I free myself of the obligation of trying to fit someone else’s notion of who or what I should be and just live my life? What would that look like?

Mr. FixIt has been my best mirror. He celebrates and encourages and lifts me up at every turn. We went out to the farm yesterday and mowed. Afterwards, we worked to try to fix the well pump. We spent several hours out there trying this and that. (I think we have it figured out…we just need to go to town to get some parts tomorrow.) Last night, I excused myself to go write this post and let Mr. FixIt watch his police shows. As I turned to walk up the steps to the kitchen, he called after me.

“You did good work today.”

I turned back to him with such a look of love.

“Thank you for telling me that, sweetheart. You did good work, too.”

We should always lift each other up. Offer encouragement. Show our gratitude. This tells me, more than anything, I’m ok. I’m doing good work. I’m loving well and living well. I am not broken or weird. I’m just me…delightfully and perfectly imperfect. There is a part of me that gets anxious. But it doesn’t kill me. It doesn’t last forever. And I’m learning that the part of the brain that gets anxious is the exact same part that gets excited. So, when I start getting the first tingles of anxiety, I tell myself I’m just excited and start naming all the things that I’m looking forward to doing.

It’s working better and better. I saw a psychiatrist for several years. He said two things that have always stuck with me.

“The goal of therapy is to get out of therapy.”

And…

“At some point, you just have to get out there and live your life.”

This is not to say we can’t benefit from seeking professional assistance with our mental health. I am so happy to see the conversations going on now regarding mental health. Maybe after the huge challenges we’ve all faced in the last two (six?) years, we can finally normalize mental health and get rid of some of the social stigma. Wouldn’t that be great?

Life is really a lot less complicated than what we make of it.

“for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.”
2 Timothy 1:7 ESV

A Shock to the Senses

Mon, 25 Apr 2022 01:30:00 -0600

Our redbud is still blooming!

We went from meat locker to microwave in less than twenty-four hours! It was downright chilly last week when the wind blew but the last two days at the beach were very pleasant…in the sixties. We got home well after dark Saturday night and by the time we went to bed, the temps were back down in the sixties which made for pretty good sleeping weather. That and being thoroughly exhausted after driving fourteen hours.

We knew it was warm here while we were gone. The family said they turned on their air conditioning already. We got up to a beautiful sunny day and took a good look around. There was a good deal of rain the first half of last week. Add heat in the eighties and the grass grew thick and deep. It was in desperate need of cutting.

I went out to have a cup of coffee on the deck and I could tell already that mowing was going to become pretty uncomfortable, pretty quickly. Mr. FixIt ran to our little town to fill up the gas can and I got started on the mowing. We had to take a break mid afternoon to cool off before we went out to finish.

I’m telling you…I just do not tolerate heat like I used to. And by bedtime, even with a shower, I was still way overheated. We’ve tried to put off turning on the AC but just couldn’t put it off any longer. We had such a lay low winter that pulling off a week at the beach, a fourteen hour drive, and a full day in the hot sun mowing and I’m toast. So, I’m going to keep this short again as I’m writing in front of the fan, sipping electrolytes.

Getting old(er) ain’t for sissies.

“for while bodily training is of some value, godliness is of value in every way, as it holds promise for the present life and also for the life to come.”
1 Timothy 4:8 ESV

Boosted 2.0

Tue, 12 Apr 2022 01:30:00 -0600

I had to stop the mower and get down on the ground to take a picture of this sweet violet. Grandma called them Johnny-Jump-Ups and she would NOT let anyone cut her grass till they were gone!

We are heading to the beach soon for our yearly week at the condo. We’ve been watching the news reports for the prevalence of covid and trying to decide when to jump on the bandwagon and get that second booster. We’ve seen the numbers double since the mandates were eased and, while that is not entirely unexpected, it does hearken back to the possibility of history repeating itself. Mr. FixIt and I both have health issues that cause us to be extra cautious. Since we’ll be headed to a tourist destination, we decided to go ahead and get that booster yesterday.

It was really easy. I went to vaccines.gov and typed in our zip code, chose the type of vaccine we wanted and where we wanted to get it, and the site directed us to the pharmacy website. There I made both of our appointments and were quickly scheduled for 3:00 in the afternoon. It was raining and chilly when we left the house so I wore a heavy sweater. Once we checked in at the pharmacy, we had to wait a few minutes. It was REALLY warm in there and I quickly knew I needed to get out of that sweater so I went over to the clothing rack and bought a black tunic-type shirt. Ahhh…much better!

The pharmacist was an expert with the needle and I didn’t even feel it. I was happy to see he injected in the right spot so I didn’t have to correct him. A lot of people who give shots do so far too high on the arm which can actually cause a joint injury. I have absolutely no qualms telling someone the exact spot to inject. It was nice that I didn’t have to this time. Kudos to CVS!

I think the boosters are important, and if it wasn’t for the upcoming trip, I might have waiting till a little later on in the summer to get it. But we not only have the trip to the beach, but I’m heading to Colorado next month. There’s the travel, the parties, and the graduation gathering itself, as well as any number of social situations I may find myself in while I’m there. Also, I’ll be going to visit my brother. He had covid in February and I prefer he not get it again.

I was hoping we could get the mowing done out at the farm this week. There is a small window on Wednesday without rain so we’re going to shoot for that. If we can’t get it done, it will have to wait till we get back from the beach.

I knitted a little yesterday. I finished another hat and have one toddler sized mitten nearly finished. I’ll take my knitting with me on the trip. It’s so fun to sit out on the beach, but so far, the weather report is showing 60’s with a fair amount of rain. I don’t know how much beach sitting we’ll get this year. Today is knitting group. As long as I’m not feeling effects of the vaccine, I’m planning on going.

“Behold, I will bring to it health and healing, and I will heal them and reveal to them abundance of prosperity and security.”
Jeremiah 33:6 ESV

When the Images are Too Disturbing

Sat, 09 Apr 2022 01:30:00 -0600

Our miniature rhododendron is blooming.

We had a lovely home day. A bowl of oats. Andy Griffith reruns. Knitting. A visit from my bonus daughter and her husband. We watched the most recent episodes of American Idol. It was chilly and rained off and on all day. At 4:30, we bundled up and headed to town for the youngest granddaughter’s softball game.

We stopped and grabbed a sandwich on the way and at the last minute, Mr. FixIt called to find out if the game was still on and sure enough…it was cancelled. We whipped into one of our favorite discount stores to pick up some pool chemicals. It’ll be time to start working on that project pretty soon.

When we walked back into the house and put our things away, I asked my sweetheart to please wait to turn the news on because I just don’t have it in me. When the news anchor says, “I must warn you, these images may be too disturbing to watch.” I’ve only watched the news a handful of times since Ukraine was invaded. And each time was worse than the last. Earlier this week, I saw the bodies in the streets. I simply cannot do that. It is not good for my health…mental or physical.

I do read the news online to get the gist of what’s going on in the world. I don’t have to read all the stories or look at all the pictures to get an understanding of what’s happening. I read a devastating story about a Russian woman who lives in the states. She was a normal person, a good wife and mother, till she started following the news of the Russian invasion. Something broke in her. She became convinced Russian spies were going to come take her children and abuse them. She became paranoid and heard voices. She started drinking heavily and became violent. And finally, she killed her youngest son with her bare hands. In court, she turned to family members in the gallery and told them she loved them and she doesn’t understand what has happened.

What happened is what they used to call a “nervous breakdown”. It a sort of trash basket description of a psychotic break, anxiety, or depression. When I was growing up, once in a while I would hear Mom talking about someone having a nervous breakdown. I sort of looked at it as emotional exhaustion. Something that seemed to happen when people were under an inordinate amount of stress. In my child mind, you got to go into the hospital for a nice, weeklong rest from housework and child rearing. It didn’t seem like such a bad thing.

Till it happened to me.

I was going through a terrible stretch in my marriage to Hubby #2. I was stressed, sleep deprived, and had a baby and a sixteen year old. I coped with alcohol and prescription medications. Sometimes I handled things well…other times, not so much. When he’d had all he could take, he was done. My marriage was over and I was so far down the hill, I didn’t know how I would ever get back up again.

I had that “nervous breakdown”. I overdosed on two full bottles of medicine. After two or three days in our local hospital, I went into a behavioral unit for a couple of weeks to get my **** together. That’s when I found out, it wasn’t a nice week off full of tea and cookies and naps in a darkened room. It was brutal and flat out scary. This poor woman who resorted to murder was out of her mind and it doesn’t sound like she was getting any psychiatric help, even though the police had been called to their home at some point.

I am afraid there will be a tsunami of mental health crises in the aftermath of the pandemic and the current events in the world. I’ve had moments in the last year when anxiety overtook me. But, I’ve been to the bottom in the past and I have more tools in my toolbox than I did prior to that hospitalization. I could recognize now if I needed help more urgently. Not everyone has those tools or that insight into their own behaviors. I urge anyone who is struggling with their mental health to reach out to someone for help. You can start with your doctor or clergy person, your spouse or a trusted friend.

There is absolutely no shame in asking for help with your mental health. No more so than asking for help with a broken arm or a bad gallbladder. Perhaps this time in our civilization will be the catalyst to finally let go of some of the stigmas surrounding mental illness. No one should be left to their own devices during these challenging times to keep both oars in the water. If you are struggling, please reach out to someone who cares.

We may not be in the same boat, but we are in this storm together. Let’s walk with each other and lift each other up.

“The waters closed in over me to take my life; the deep surrounded me; weeds were wrapped about my head at the roots of the mountains. I went down to the land whose bars closed upon me forever; yet you brought up my life from the pit, O Lord my God. When my life was fainting away, I remembered the Lord, and my prayer came to you, into your holy temple.”
Jonah 2:5-7 ESV

Working on Wellness

Tue, 05 Apr 2022 01:30:00 -0600

Seventeen years ago, I had an innocuous looking freckle on my arm. It didn’t bother me. I’d had it for awhile, it seemed. I had a lot on my plate in the previous few years going through a dreadful depression and the breakup of a twenty year marriage. A freckle on my arm was the least of my worries.

Daughter #2 loved reading her dad’s medical journals when they arrived at the house. She’d been reading them since she was five and was particularly intrigued by the ones that dealt with skin health. One afternoon during her two weeks with me, she noticed the freckle on my arm and…with alarm in her voice…insisted I make an appointment to have it checked.

My family doctor said she would take a biopsy, but she didn’t think there was anything to worry about. Two days later, she called me to say she had made an appointment with the plastic surgeon to have more of the tissue removed. The diagnosis? Melanoma.

My daughter was right, and has reminded me of that ever since. I have yearly full body skin checks. I had a precancerous lesion removed from my chest last year. I had my yearly check yesterday and I have three precancerous lesions on my face. These are a less serious variety than last year’s so she gave me the option of having them frozen or using a topical chemotherapy. I elected the latter. I’ve done that before and it’s worked out fine. I assured her I would keep a close eye on it and if needed, I’ll return right away. I don’t mess around with those things.

I went into town early enough to sit at one of my favorite coffee shops to knit and people watch. The Bodega is such a sweet place with big comfy chairs and tables. They have a variety of sweets to go with your beverages….like pecan rolls, cinnamon rolls, and scones. My favorites are the sweet treats from Sweet Ash Cookies. They are not only perfectly decorated…but they taste great, too.

I slowly sipped my ginger tea and watched the other customers. A young mom came in with her two boys and their Nana. They brought along Molly, their beautiful Golden Retriever. She was so well behaved and came over for a quick pet…and a little sniff to see if maybe I had a treat for her. I love Goldens…they are angels in fur suits. The boys came in like a whirlwind, touching everything as little boys do. There was a cursory banging on the piano, then a quick search through the toy box before they selected some blocks and began competing to see who could build the tallest tower. The place got so quiet when they blew out the front door like little raucous tumbleweeds.

My next focus was on a mama and her sweet little girl. They were waiting for “sissy” to get out of school. They sat at the table munching on bubble waffles (it’s a thing). Mama explained the rules of Connect Four and they set to playing a game. It was great till Mama blocked the Little’s row and she wasn’t havin’ it, thank you very much. It seems Mama didn’t quite get the finer points of the game across. Given her age and the setting, I was happy to see Mama create a new goal to see who could fill their row first with one color. They soon left, happy as little clams, and headed out into the misty grey West Virginia morning.

A young woman worked on a computer at the table in the corner. A man waited on his lunch order, quietly scrolling through his phone. No one wore a mask but me. I did take it off for my cookie and tea. When I got to the doctor’s office, the front desk person informed me they had lifted the mask restrictions and I was free to remove mine if I wished. I told her I preferred to leave it on. She said she would make a note in my chart and the doctor and staff would also wear masks in deference to my comfort. I thanked her profusely.

History will be rewritten. People will forget the devastation the pandemic wrought. They’ll spin the tale as over cautious or political over reach. But those of us who understand science and worked in the field won’t forget. Do I like wearing a mask? Not particularly…but then again, I’ve worn one for so long now, it’s automatic and doesn’t bother me a bit. I haven’t had so much as a sniffle since covid started. Why would I want to expose myself to that again? I like staying healthy. And, it doesn’t hurt anyone else so I’ll just wear it and call it good.

It was another beautiful day…rain or not. Today is knitting group…a decidedly fun gathering. A great way to start out my week.

“Beloved, I pray that all may go well with you and that you may be in good health, as it goes well with your soul.”
3 John 1:2 ESV

My Body and Me or Monday Motivations

Mon, 04 Apr 2022 01:30:00 -0600

Big is graduating from high school next month. Then, in August, Mr. FixIt and I have our 50+1 Year High School Reunion. I had every intention of losing weight and being svelte for both occasions, yet…here I am. Just…me. *heavy sigh* (Pun intended.)

When I got out of the shower yesterday, I sat on the edge of the bed to brush my hair. It’s become a much bigger ordeal now that it’s almost down to my waist. I used to hide from my body. I wouldn’t anymore sit in front of a mirror in my “all together” than I would run naked down the street. But, a lot has changed in the last couple of years. The pandemic made eating two loaves of sourdough bread a week an absolute necessity. And don’t get me started on the cookies and cinnamon rolls and biscuits, ok? Let’s just say…food was my comfort during a decidedly uncomfortable season in my life.

As I sat there, brushing my hair and looking at the leftover cinnamon rolls on my belly and hips, I got a great flash of insight. If we divide our lives up like we divide the year…in seasons, then it’s wintertime for this body. And what do we do in the winter? We give ourselves permission to seek comfort. I’ve learned I can embrace the snow or I can be miserable in it. Either way…there will be snow. So why not choose happy? Same with my body. I can love it or hate it but it’s the only one I’ve got. It’s just the meat sack my soul lives in till I get to go Home. I’ll be good to it and not hate myself for feeding it cookies from time to time.

My longest relationship was with a man who valued good health and to him, good health equaled being thin and athletic. Not my forte. As often happens when people aren’t on the same page in a marriage, frustrations boiled over and hurtful things were said in anger. Things that scarred me. I’ve forgiven those things because we are all just works in progress. But, I’ll be honest…up until the summer before the pandemic, I still felt self conscious about my weight in front of him.

Not anymore. Mr. FixIt and I went shopping yesterday at Kohl’s. My goal was to get something nice to wear to Big’s graduation in Colorado. As I walked through the store, it occurred to me I wasn’t feeling bad about it. I wasn’t wondering if there was some way to make myself look like I’ve lost fifty pounds by the middle of May. Like, maybe they have a new undergarment that will squeeze me into a size 12. Yeah…not bloody likely.

It’s not that I don’t care. It’s not that I don’t think it’s important to be healthy. I got the first inkling of this change when I apologized to the doctor for my weight a couple of years ago. He was quiet a moment while he looked at me and said, “You know, you can be healthy AND carry extra weight.”

Wow.

Permission to be normal. Who knew a doctor could be this way? Not I.

I’ve chosen a lot of new ways to feel this year. I’ve had two surgeries that didn’t find what we were hoping for. Were they failures? No…each one took out a tumor. We just couldn’t find all of them. I’ve adjusted my attitude from the fifty year plan to the twenty year plan. I’m not the weight I wanted to be for the events I have coming up. You know what? That’s ok. It’s been a hella hard couple of years and I’m blessed to be standing upright and taking nourishment. We haven’t had covid or lost our family to it. We aren’t destitute and can afford to eat and buy a tank of gas and have a roof over our heads.

I’m good. Besides, I’m not fat…I’m fluffy! And I bought a gorgeous outfit that will work for BOTH events! I get my peace from Jesus…not my jeans.

“I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.””
John 16:33 ESV

A Rough Night and a Good Day

Sun, 03 Apr 2022 01:30:00 -0600

I haven’t had one of my “rough nights” in quite a while. When I was a new widow, every night was a rough night. I remember literally clinging to the side of the mattress and willing myself to live until morning. I rode out wave after wave of grief, fear, and anxiety over and over. It wore me out. I will never forget when the sun started to shine again. Those long dark nights finally started to recede and I didn’t feel like I was struggling as much with my grief.

Then, the hyperparathyroidism started and so many of the symptoms mimic the anguish of grief. I felt like I’d been thrown back in the fire and it was almost too much to bear. Around that time, Mr. FixIt and I started dating. A new love interest grew and it did wonders for my healing. Ours wasn’t a bandaid fix or a distraction to grieving. I still had plenty of grief to deal with, but it did show me there was a light at the end of the tunnel and I could live happily again.

Hyperparathyroidism wreaks havoc with my physical and mental wellbeing. I’ve gone a long way toward taming that beast but still, from time to time…and for whatever reason…I have a rough night. It starts with a sharp increase in pain. Then I become fidgety and toss and turn and can’t get to sleep. Then my tired brain says, “You’d better get some rest, kiddo. What if something happens and you’ve got to be at the top of your game.” At that point, anxiety starts to creep in and I get hyper focused on trying to get to sleep.

Have you ever tried to will yourself to sleep? It just doesn’t work. I was still counting the dots on the ceiling at 8:00 yesterday morning. I had long since moved into the guest room so at least Mr. FixIt could get some sleep. I finally drifted off around 8:30 or so and woke up at 12:30. Mr. FixIt was gone. He left for the youngest granddaughter’s softball game. I hated to miss it, but I was so glad he didn’t wake me up. I needed the rest.

The weirdest thing is, after a night like that, I wake up and…other than being a little tired…I feel like a million bucks and I can take on anything. It’s crazy making. Mr. FixIt left me a note telling me he would call me after the game. I decided to just drive on into town and meet him so we could have a date. We got a salad from a local restaurant and went to “The Point” to watch the riverboat traffic. It was a beautiful evening and the barge traffic didn’t disappoint. When we got home, I knitted while we watched the news and that was the end of the day.

I am so grateful those nights don't show up much anymore. They are maddening but I’ve learned to accept them for what they are…my mind and body crying out for a little TLC and time with Jesus. Curling up in bed with my Bible readings when I’m feeling those waves calms me immensely. I used to listen to the enemy and beat myself up, telling myself I’m “weak” and “crazy” but neither one is true. I am strong and dealing with a physical ailment that I have no control over.

Chronic illness is a slippery sucker. No one really knows you have it unless it shows from the outside. I have been so blessed with this platform in which I am constantly reminded I am not alone. There are countless others who have physical and mental struggles to carry. I think God put me here to learn that…and to be there for others as they walk a familiar path.

“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.”
2 Corinthians 1:3-4 ESV

When You Find You’re Out of Shape

Tue, 22 Feb 2022 02:30:00 -0600

It’s Tuesday…2-22-22!

Lands, sake! I am SO out of shape! When winter hit and the outdoor chores were over, and there were no big holiday parties, no big indoor projects to accomplish…I sat down. Well, of course I did! I had knitting to do. And, while I knitted away…happy as a little clam…my muscles atrophied and I feel like I aged ten years. This cannot happen. I’m not even 70 yet. I have things to do, places to go, camping to accomplish.

I was fixing my breakfast when I heard Mr. FixIt rummaging around downstairs. He had decided to run the snake down the drain by himself and, truly…it is a two person job. The cable got twisted and he was having a heck of a time. I gulped down the last of my coffee and sat on the bottom step to help him. We struggled with that thing for two hours. When we did it last year and I was in great shape after mowing and working all summer, it still killed my hips and back. Fast forward to yesterday, a little over two week post op, and….let’s just say I wasn’t as much help and I hoped to be.

By the time we got the cable twisted up twice and jammed in the housing, we both gave up. There’s always another day. We did managed to pull out a big clump of roots from the drain, so we are hoping the rains coming this week won’t overwhelm the system. We both retreated to our respective recliners for the rest of the afternoon.

Since I finished the latest project Sunday night, I decided to pick up the next one. I had a few choices of yarn and I selected a bright, colorful Merino Wool and Bamboo blend. I found a better pattern for a true shawl so I set to knitting. This yarn is SO soft to the touch. It’s super stretchy. And the colors create stripes, just like a rainbow. I think this is the one I’ll wear to my granddaughter’s graduation in May in Colorado. We’ll see how it turns out.

It was 66° here by late afternoon so I decided it was a good camping night. It’s supposed to start raining in the middle of the night and I can listen it tapping on the roof of the camper. I haven’t replaced the chair in the camper since we returned the rockers, so I didn’t bring my knitting out. This camper isn’t really conducive to sitting propped up in bed to knit because the roof angles down at each end. So, I’ll write, and read, and maybe watch a movie.

My friend did well during her medical procedure yesterday and I wanted to thank you all for your prayers. I get to see my brother today over Zoom so I’m really looking forward to that. I need to start getting more exercise so I can get back to work here. Use it or lose it, am I right?

“So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.”
2 Corinthians 4:16-18 ESV

The Twenty Year Plan

Wed, 16 Feb 2022 02:30:00 -0600

Ever since I found out the latest surgery to find the errant parathyroid glands in my neck was unsuccessful, I’ve felt like I’ve been floating around in a rowboat without any oars. Just bobbing along…not knowing what to do, or even if there is anything TO do. I prayed a lot about it over the weekend. I handed it to God and I told him I trusted He would help me to not only survive this disappointment, but to thrive in the process.

I trust that God uses all things for His glory. I believe He has a plan for us to prosper and not to harm us…a plan that gives us hope and a future. Sometimes God whispers to us and guides us gently. Other times, He hits us up the side of the head or brings someone with a megaphone so we “get it”. That’s what He did when answering my weekend prayers.

I have a dear friend who is like a sister to me. I never had a biological sister, but “Hattie” is as close to me as any blood relative. We usually check in with each other several times a week. She texted me Monday to see how I was feeling after my surgery. I told her I was just feeling rudderless…like I don’t know what direction to turn. I told her about my disappointment that the surgery failed to “cure” me after I had such high hopes that it would.

We had a long heart-to-heart talk…the kind sisters and life-long friends have. She had a brilliant piece of advice. I’m going to share it with you here in her own words.

“I talk to my docs and my dentist about the 20 year plan. I mean, even if I am blessed enough to live to be 90, I will have only about 20 years left to worry with something. So, I tell them to talk in those terms. I don’t need a 55-year plan (which is the number I use because most of my medical peeps are in their 30’s. Is this a 20-year problem or a 55-year problem?”

I had to sit with that for a while and really consider her wise words. I’m nearly 69 years old…not OLD, but certainly getting in the general neighborhood. I don’t have 50+ years to worry about stuff. Ok, this disease can leach calcium from my bones and make them more brittle. That’s certainly important…but it’s not life threatening. The rest of the side effects from hyperparathyroidism are mainly quality of life issues…pain, hair loss, acid reflux. Heck, none of us are going to escape this life without some ramifications of age. Let’s weigh the checks and balances.

Yes, it would have been wonderful if this surgeon could have found my errant parathyroid glands and cured me. But every time you cut into the neck, you are risking very serious complications…namely paralyzing the vocal cords. Paralyze one side and you are left with a defect in you voice…anything from hoarseness to a whisper. Paralyze BOTH vocal cords and you cannot swallow and you’ll need a permanent tracheostomy. Neither of those things sound like something I’m willing to mess with.

My surgeon even considered removing my thyroid completely in an effort to cure me, but there were reasons he decided not to. First, I would have had to take thyroid medication for the rest of my life. Second, the vocal cord nerves were firmly stuck to my thyroid. Too risky to remove. He did a very careful search for those glands, clearing out scar tissue and fatty tissue, and he just couldn’t find them.

So, I’ve elected the 20-year plan. We’ll check my Vitamin D. Very low Vitamin D can elevate the parathyroid hormones and raise the calcium. We’ll try boosting my Vitamin D level in an attempt to bring the other numbers down. I’ll practice great care to keep from falling and breaking anything. I’ve started taking Celebrex and a muscle relaxant and that has done a good job keeping my pain level manageable. And, so what if my hair falls out more than I’d like? I’m not doing a photo shoot for Vogue anytime soon.

I can’t tell you how much this shift in my mindset has changed how I’m feeling about this whole situation. And isn’t that an answer to prayer? I feel like the weight of the world has been lifted from my shoulders. Hopefully I have 20 good years to look forward to. I’ll be darned if I’m going to look at them as a loss before I’ve even had a change to live them! It’s time to get off the pity train now and get out there and live this precious life I’ve been given. Who’s with me???

❤️

“Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have, for he has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” So we can confidently say, “The Lord is my helper; I will not fear; what can man do to me?””
Hebrews 13:5-6 ESV

Burnout and Perspective

Fri, 11 Feb 2022 02:30:00 -0600

Columbus, Ohio at night from space.

The news is shifting yet again regarding Covid. Cases are on a downward trajectory and the accompanying announcements of reducing mask mandates is all the rage. Let’s face it…we are ALL burned out by this thing. We want normal again. We want our lives back. We want to sweep this nasty little episode back under the bed and maybe pretend it never happened.

We are such strange animals. We have the mental capacity to create a telescope that recently travelled one million miles from earth in an incomprehensibly short period of time. Yet, we can’t remember what happened the last time we relaxed our mask wearing and the subsequent wave nearly crushed us.

We have now lost a little over 910,000 Americans to Covid. That’s about 5,000 more people than live in Columbus, Ohio. It’s about 8,000 less people than live in Fort Worth, Texas. Can you wrap your head around that number??? Imagine driving into Columbus and the streets are empty. Every house is empty. The buildings downtown are empty. The hospitals, schools, shopping malls…all empty.

We lost 60,000 in January of this year.

60,000.

We’ve become way too numb if that number doesn’t still break our hearts.

And now, the rush begins to back off the precautions…the very things that helped keep that number from being astronomically higher. I am here to tell you…I am not an epidemiologist…but it’s too much too soon and too quickly. I have no idea when…or IF… I’ll ever stop wearing at least one KN-95 mask in stores. Two if it’s really crowded. I’ll take boosters when the CDC suggests it. One of my dearest friends was just diagnosed with Covid for the third time. My younger daughter and her wife are both struggling with waves of feeling bad a whole month after their diagnoses.

It’s just incomprehensible.

That being said…life does move forward. The sun is shining, the air is sweet, and there is promise of spring ahead. Our snow has melted a great deal this week. The birds are having a grand time at the feeders. The kitty lays in the sun and bakes her bones…rolling back and forth on the concrete path. I have finished both sleeves of the sweater I am knitting and am now over half finished with the body. I am on the last color. I’m glad. I think I’ll put my knitting needles away for a bit after this one. Or, maybe I’ll go back to socks for a little bit. We’ll be going on our beach vacation in April. Socks are a great travel project.

I go today to get my blood drawn to see how I’m doing since my surgery. I may get my bangs trimmed and maybe get a little cut off the bottom to get rid of some dead ends. I may do a little Valentine’s Day shopping. I need to get out and stretch my legs…with a mask, of course. I hope you have a great day and can get outside in some sunshine.

❤️

“In peace I will both lie down and sleep; for you alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety.”
Psalm 4:8 ESV

The Days are Getting Longer

Thu, 10 Feb 2022 02:30:00 -0600

Both sleeves completed…and they match!

Mr. FixIt had some things to do in town yesterday afternoon so I had the day to myself. As I settled into my recliner with my knitting, we watched a couple old episodes of Andy Griffith. I don’t know why, but that show is so soothing to me. It brings back warm childhood memories and I knew a whole bunch of “Aunt Bees” when I was growing up in West Virginia in the ‘50s and ‘60s. And we all knew “Miss Crump” as one of our own elementary school teachers.

At one point, Mr. FixIt was scrolling through some of the shows in On Demand and I saw the new show “Ghosts”. I’ve seen little snippets of it in commercials or on Facebook and ask my sweetie to stop on the pilot episode to see what it was all about. The premise is, an elderly woman dies and leaves her dilapidated mansion to her great niece and her husband. With dreams of leaving the city, the wife convinces her husband to convert the monstrosity of a house into a quaint B&B…complete with a plethora of trapped spirits who have died on the property over the years. I was hooked! I spent the rest of the day binge watching the series and caught up to the current date. It was exactly what I needed…a whole day of knitting and laughing and having a generally awesome day.

Along about 5:30 or so, I caught something out of the corner of my eye. It took me quite a while to figure out what it was. As I stared out the back door, I caught a sudden movement and looked up. There was Pumpkin…upside down, looking in at me. What a funny cat. She’d come back down and look in the door, then go right back up and look at me upside down again. Silly goose.

Peekaboo!

I got the second sleeve finished and picked up the parked stitches of the body. It won’t be long and I’ll be changing to the last color…a deep charcoal grey heather. I’m not saying every stitch is perfect on this sweater, but I’m pretty proud of how it’s turning out. I’m still getting really tired by the end of the day, but the pain in my neck is much improved. I had such a tickle in my throat for the first three days that I cleared it repeatedly. I believe I’ve irritated my airways and now have a deep cough. No fever, so I’ll just use my inhalers and watch it closely. If it is not better by Friday, I’ll get it checked before the weekend. Mr. FixIt brought me a sandwich for supper so there was no cooking going on at this house last night.

The weather has been beautiful this week…warmer, even into the 50’s yesterday. I love how the days are getting longer and I am getting stronger. Things are looking up!

❄️❤️❄️

“The Lord sustains him on his sickbed; in his illness you restore him to full health.”
Psalm 41:3 ESV

Facing Life’s Disappointments

Mon, 07 Feb 2022 02:30:00 -0600

Ever since I received the long awaited diagnosis of primary hyperparathyroidism, I’ve been on a mission to find a cure. I became my own advocate and read everything I could find about the disease and how it affects the body. I researched physicians and medical centers for the best and most recent treatments. I joined a Facebook Support Group for people with pHPT and selected the world’s best surgical team to get this taken care of.

Over and over, I read wonderful stories about people who were cured by having a simple surgical removal of the affected parathyroid gland(s). I was so hopeful and it never even occurred to me the first surgery would fail to cure my disease. I was so disappointed. After a little time to heal, I began my search anew. I looked closer to home. I found new hope in a new surgical team. The difference this time was…I knew I could be disappointed again.

As it turned out, the missing parathyroid glands didn’t magically show up for the second surgery. That’s not to say there wasn’t some good news. It turned out, the second gland that was biopsied and deemed normal during the last surgery wasn’t normal this time. It was removed and sent to the lab, along with blood samples to test my PTH intraoperatively. I know when the surgeon received the results, he felt disappointment, just as he knew I would.

I have been studying some bible devotionals the last couple of days on the subject of disappointment. One is called Tackling Disappointment by Susan Narjala. Here is a segment from today’s reading.

“In the Bible we see Paul who prayed asking for God to take away the chronic physical pain. Three times he prayed. But God didn’t remove that “thorn” in Paul’s side. Did Paul retreat into devastating disappointment? No. Paul trusted that God had a purpose in not answering his prayers. Paul instead declares that he will boast in his weakness so the power of Christ may rest on him.

But, friend, remember this truth: God takes you through the valley experiences for a reason. Scripture reminds us in Isaiah 66:9, “In the same way I will not cause pain without allowing something new to be born,” says the Lord.

A place of disappointment can be a place of blessing. When He allows you to face discouraging circumstances, He has a purpose behind it. The question is whether you are allowing God to train you in that difficult season of disappointment.”

I allowed myself a little pity party yesterday. I had great hopes that this surgeon would find the missing glands, remove any that were diseased, and cure me of this affliction. Then, after a little time sitting in my sorrow, I let it go. I will pray daily, and ask others to pray with me, that God himself will take this away from me. And, if He does not, then I ask that He brings me the grace and grit to carry it well and be my best self. It’s not the worst thing in the world. It’s not cancer. It’s not the failure of a major organ. It’s a niggling problem that can cause my bones to become brittle. It can make me cranky and give me pain and make my hair fall out. There are a lot of people who have to live with a lot worse things in life. We still don’t have the final word. It can take a year for the numbers to sort themselves out. In the meantime, I’m going to let myself heal, finish knitting a sweater, and get on with this beautiful life I’ve been given!

❄️❤️❄️

“Grace to you and peace from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ. I give thanks to my God always for you because of the grace of God that was given you in Christ Jesus,”
1 Corinthians 1:3-4 ESV

Another Long Day

Sun, 06 Feb 2022 02:30:00 -0600

I slept soundly the night after surgery. Still loaded with anesthesia and pain medications, I drifted off at a decent time. It helped that Mr. FixIt was also tired after being my helpmate so it was lights out early for us. I mentioned casually that if I felt better when I awoke yesterday morning, we could possibly go home. I should have known when my sweetheart came in to wake me up, he had plans. Oh, my gosh…I was so sore. I gradually dragged myself out of bed and into the kitchen for a cup of tea.

There sat my Mr. FixIt, waiting expectantly on the corner of the couch, his suitcase packed and sitting on the floor beside him. His hopeful smile told me everything I needed to know. We were going home. I don’t blame him. Hotel furniture is not made to be comfortable, although the bed was divine! Our backs were complaining from sitting on that sofa so much and we both longed for our comfy recliners at home.

I had my breakfast, loaded up on Tylenol and ibuprofen, and packed my bags. Mr. FixIt got us all loaded up and off we went. The roads weren’t bad, but there were places that could be icy, and he knew he was carrying tender cargo, so we took our time getting home. The trees were still encased in ice and the sun made them sparkle like a million diamonds. It was stunning. We stopped and picked Pumpkin up from the kennel and went to Walmart for a prescription and chicken noodle soup. And as soon as we got home, I went to bed and slept for a couple of hours.

My voice is a little deep from the breathing tube. I’m tired and sore. And I headed to bed extraordinarily early. I did manage to knit a few rows on my sweater, both on the drive home, and in the recliner after my nap. But that’s about it. Just taking it slow and easy, resting and recovering. That’s what knitting and naps are for, right?

❄️❤️❄️

“Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord, and turn away from evil. It will be healing to your flesh and refreshment to your bones.”
Proverbs 3:7-8 ESV

Devotions and Distractions

Fri, 04 Feb 2022 02:30:00 -0600

When I want clarity and direction, I turn to my Bible and read any number of devotions on whatever topic is troubling me at the time. When I want distraction, I turn to my knitting and YouTube for any number of topics that pique my interest. Yesterday was a mixture of both. I read the Bible and my selected devotionals every day but yesterday I spent a good deal of time on the topic of finding strength in the Word and reminding my monkey brain that anxieties are nothing more than thoughts and they cannot hurt me.

My reward yesterday was working on the first sleeve of the sweater I’m knitting. I got about seven or eight inches done before I put it away to write. My other reward was YouTube videos. Whenever I want to feel soothed and comforted, I look for videos about Appalachian life. I found a full length documentary on mountain talk…the interesting words and sayings and superstitions of my ancestors. (You can see the VIDEO HERE.)

There’s something about listening to the older generations talk about their upbringing that takes me back to a simpler time when I didn’t have to worry about much of anything. Watching these videos takes me into my grandma’s kitchen and to the old country store with the wooden floors and the glass case with penny candy on display. If I was good, I got a little paper sack of Maple Nut Goodies or Peanut Butter Logs or Chocolate Covered Peanuts. (My people called a bag a “poke”.) These videos are sheer escape and soothe my mind which was just what the doctor ordered.

I’m so glad we drove up here Wednesday and not yesterday. Even though the weather down towards West Virginia and Southeastern Ohio was rainy, the afternoon began to bring freezing rain, sleet, and slick roads. The farther the day wore on, the slower the cars were going on the four lane out our window. Around 3:00 or so, I suggested we get out of the room and walk around the hotel. We checked out the gym and pool and stuck our heads out the front door to see if it was really as slick as they said it was on TV. It was, but listen…I didn’t spend all those years in Colorado for nothing. I’m a good driver in the snow. If you didn’t drive in the snow in Colorado, you didn’t go anywhere for over half the year.

We ate light yesterday. I made baked potatoes for supper. I also suggested Mr. FixIt might want to go out and make sure we could open the doors and warm up the truck to get the ice off the windows. We have to be at the hospital at 5:00 this morning, so he said he would go out at 4:00 to warm the truck up again. Have I told you what a gem he is? This will be short today as we needed to get to sleep early.

I’m calm and peaceful and going into this surgery with great hope that I’ll come out the other side feeling better than I have in years…once I heal, of course. If I’m feeling up to it, I’ll at least check in tomorrow to let you know how everything went. I want to thank you all so much for your prayers and concern and uplifting support as I’ve walked this particular path. I appreciate you all more than you will ever know.

Now…let’s get this done!

❄️❤️❄️

“Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.”

Mark 11:24 ESV

Pink Flamingos and Minions

Wed, 02 Feb 2022 02:30:00 -0600

I wish I could have had a blowout birthday party for my sweetheart. You don’t turn 70 every day! But, covid precautions and an upcoming surgery is keeping me close to home and pretty sheltered, so I’ll have to make it up to him when the weather warms up and we can party outside! My bonus son came to the house and decorated the yard for his dad’s special day. He asked Mr. FixIt what he wanted for his birthday. Since we are all about experiences over stuff, the guys will go out for a day of golf come springtime.

We have been keeping a weather eye out and it looks like the cold front and ice storm are sliding into Ohio tomorrow. My poor Mr. FixIt spent his birthday taking the truck in for an oil change and tire rotation. Then I had him go looking for chains for the truck…just in case we need them to get to the hospital on Friday morning. We’ll head up there early to avoid any ice. I’d rather pay an extra day for a hotel than to get stuck somewhere. And even if we don’t need the chains this trip, it’s not a bad idea to have them should we need to make a trip to town for an emergency and the roads are bad. Ever the Girl Scout.

I didn’t have the outside light on when Mr. FixIt came home last night, so he didn’t see the Happy Birthday greeting till he got to the back door. I loved seeing the look on his face, but when he found out his son came out to do that for him, he really melted. Men have such soft spots for their kids, and when they do special things, they just go all gooey.

I cleaned up the kitchen and baked an apple pie for my sweetheart instead of a birthday cake. Then I worked on the sweater I’m knitting. I had to study the pattern, and look at a YouTube video to double check how to do one of the step. Eventually I had it figured out and I’m working down the body of the sweater now. I tried it on and took a picture to send to my friend Gail to see what she thought. Gail is an amazing knitter. She has been knitting so long, she just makes things…often without a pattern. She knows how to adjust patterns for size and how to choose the right yarns for a project. She sent me a picture yesterday of the newest granddaughter in a hat and matching mittens she had just whipped up. Amazing!

So, the adventure begins today instead of tomorrow. Our room has a separate bedroom with a door so Mr. FixIt can watch his shows and I can keep myself in the calm zone before surgery. I’m taking my knitting and of course, my writing goes wherever I go. You should see us when we stay in a hotel. We each have an overnight bag and a big trash bag with our favorite pillows. Mine also includes my favorite fuzzy blankies. We have a cooler and a snack bag. I have my portable desk and he has his hanging clothes. Then there’s my purse which is the size of a small tote bag and my knitting…which actually IS in a tote bag. You’d think we were staying a couple of weeks instead of a couple of days. But, we’re always comfortable, we have what we want to keep us busy, and we don’t get all freaked out that we forgot something. If we ever do, there are stores.

Prayers for travel mercies, please!

❄️❤️❄️

“The Lord is good, a stronghold in the day of trouble; he knows those who take refuge in him.”
Nahum 1:7 ESV

Moving On to The Next Thing

Mon, 31 Jan 2022 02:30:00 -0600

I find winter passes much more quickly when I keep my hands busy. I finished the socks yesterday afternoon then immediately started on the sweater. That’s three pairs of socks in one month…a personal record to be sure. And, Gail was absolutely correct…the sweater is much easier and knits up so much faster than the socks do.

We watched football yesterday. I don’t pay a whole lot of attention during the season. But I do love when it gets time for the playoffs. So much more is at stake…at least imminently. Last week, we watched the Cincinnati Bengals pull of an unlikely victory over the Tennessee Titans. The Kansas City Chiefs upset the Buffalo Bills, so that placed the Bengals against the Chiefs yesterday to determine who moves on to the Super Bowl.

We settled in to watch the game at 3:00. Everyone favored the Chiefs to win. It is tough to beat Patrick Mahomes. When you see him featured in multiple sponsors’ commercials all season, you know they have a lot riding on that talent. As was predicted, the Bengals came out and stumbled around in the first half. We felt somewhat resigned to watching them succumb to the pressure. But, man…I don’t know what that coach said to the team at halftime, but those guys came out fired up for the second half.

They tied. They pulled ahead! Then, in the very last seconds, the Chiefs scored a field goal to take the game into overtime. We were screaming and hollering and just could not believe the whole season was coming down to who could score first. The Bengals lost the toss going into overtime and that drastically cut their chances of being the first to post points. Then…they fumbled and the Bengals recovered. They drove hard down the field and when they were firmly and safely in field goal range, they kicked it n and scored for the win!!! Lawsy mercy…it is a good thing it’s winter and the windows are closed or the neighbors down the road might have been concerned for us. We had so much fun celebrating the win of a frank underdog.

It always feels good when an underdog wins, doesn’t it? It’s sort of a David and Goliath story played out in a modern day arena. We want the little guy to be the victor. I couldn’t really get into the second game because I wanted to get back here and write this post. I can always go back out after and knit a little more. I have a phone call with the medical center today. Mr. FixIt’s birthday tomorrow. We’ll head to OSU on Thursday with surgery scheduled Friday. It will be a fast and busy week…one I will be happy to have behind me!

❄️?❄️

“For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.”
2 Timothy 1:7 NLT

Moving Forward After Loss

Thu, 27 Jan 2022 02:30:00 -0600

My son-in-law’s mom sent me an article yesterday. Published in the Times of London, the article…”My husband walked out. This is what heartbreak did to my body” follows Florence Williams, a journalist and author, as she struggles after divorce. Williams was struck with Type I Diabetes in the year after her husband left her. It was her first experience with heartbreak and, being a scientific writer, she looked for a scientific solution. The two years following her divorce became a kind of experiment where she tried all manner of solutions to ease her grief.

It has been known for quite some time that grief and heartbreak can cause physiological changes in the body and not just emotional ones. Broken Heart Syndrome is an actual physiological response to stressful situations and extreme emotional distress. Williams went to see Steve Cole at UCLA. He specializes in a field called “psychoneuroimmunology” which studies the effect your mental state has on your immunity. Cole tested Florence for stress markers in her blood and found she was in the red zone for risk of developing serious illness.

With a laundry list of possible “cures”, Williams set out to try to heal her broken heart scientifically. She did everything from EMDR to meditation to a solo kayak trip in the wilderness only to find her numbers didn’t improve. At around the two year mark, she tried hallucinogenics in a controlled therapeutic setting and through that experience, gained some clarity in where she sits in the grand scheme of things. Her stress numbers began to come down at that point.

Now, whether the improvement came from the hallucinogenics or the tincture of time, I don’t know. I do know in my own personal experience my first year was bad, my second year was brutal, and my third year became my breakout year of personal growth and finding myself. I have several friends in different places in their widow journey. They are anywhere on the spectrum from starting new relationships to vowing never to go down that path again.

The bottom line is, there is no right or wrong way to grieve..there is only your way. There isn’t a magic formula that miraculously relieves heartache. But, who knows? Maybe scientists will find a way to watch your stress numbers, then watch what you’re doing, and when it works tell you to do more of that. For me, it seems more logical to follow some pretty basic advice I was given.

Take your time after heartbreak before you jump into something else…a major move, a new relationship, a different job. That feel good rush may not last long and then you’re left ripping off the bandaid revealing a gaping wound.
Eat right, drink plenty of water, exercise, and get enough rest.
Go outside and immerse yourself in nature as much as possible. Trees and sunshine heal.
Don’t make huge financial decisions in the first year or two.
Avoid alcohol and drugs.
Work for balance…emotional, physical, and spiritual.
It’s ok to say no without explanation.
Be gentle with yourself when you need to.
Kick yourself in the butt when you need to.
Always remember, you aren’t alone. Be sure you have a support system set up with family, friends, clergy, therapist…whoever can help when the going gets tough. God is always available…24/7/365.

You can read the entire article HERE. https://apple.news/AP5fPBbk-QKWTOwa73jk11w

❄️?❄️

“The Lord hears his people when they call to him for help. He rescues them from all their troubles. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed. The righteous person faces many troubles, but the Lord comes to the rescue each time. For the Lord protects the bones of the righteous; not one of them is broken!”
Psalms 34:17-20 NLT

Another Angelversary

Mon, 24 Jan 2022 02:30:00 -0600

Eighteen years ago I was having an argument with my mother. She had been sick for five days and refused to go to the hospital. She ended up dying. Sound familiar? One of my BFFs just died last month because she also refused to go to the hospital. As I lay there in the night, thinking of the similarities between the two, I was struck by how helpless I felt in both cases. I knew what was happening. I tried to tell them both what was happening. But neither one listened. They were both equally wonderful and equally stubborn women.

One gone eighteen years. The other gone forty-two days. The pain is seared into the fiber of my being. When death comes to someone you love dearly, it changes you…just as loving them did. Every Sunday night, I want to reach for the phone and talk to my mom. Every night when I sit down to write, I want to check in with Diane to see how her day went.

I found out last evening that one of my Facebook friends died on Saturday. Evelyn was a widow, a sister in Christ, a fellow women camper, and an artist. She went through a terrible ordeal when she lost her husband. She was quite ill herself at the time and very nearly died. She fought her way back, became a speaker, and traveled around telling the story of how God saved her.

Then she got covid.

I am torn. It hurts that she is gone and I won’t get to talk to her anymore. It makes me sad that there won’t be any more of her gorgeous wood carvings to grace my windowsill. It breaks my heart that she fought so hard to live when it would have been understandable if she would have let go in order to join her husband in Heaven. And I’m angry. Picture after picture, I have seen her socializing with others over the last two years No masks. No social distancing. No vaccine. She went out with friends for Christmas. Her smiling face will be there…looking out at her friends for however long Facebook is around. And we’ll know…

Someone will say, “It was God’s will.” “We do not live one hour beyond our allotted time.” Still…God also created doctors and gave them knowledge and sent them to create medicines to help us. It reminds me of the story of the man who drowned in a flood. He refused the radio broadcast warning and the rowboat and the helicopter that came to rescue him from the flood saying, “No! I’m a praying man…God will save me!” He asked God why He didn’t save him and He said, “I sent you a radio broadcast, a man in a rowboat, and a helicopter! What more did you want?”

I am practicing grace. There are people who are brokenhearted at the loss of their loved ones to this disease. In this moment, they are more wrapped up in the fact their loved one died and not as much in how or why. It’s just so hard when you worked in medicine…when you know the vaccine works in reducing the severity of illness and cuts down on the number of deaths. And still, people refuse…and people die. It makes me angry, and sad, and confused, and frankly…tired.

Here is an interview with a medical ethicist about this very subject. [www.npr.org/2022/01/2...](https://www.npr.org/2022/01/23/1075168721/a-medical-ethicist-weighs-in-on-how-to-approach-treating-unvaccinated-people?utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=news_tab)

It’s been two years since the first case of Covid was documented in the United States. I’m tired of all this illness and death. I’m tired of life being different. I read a story this weekend about a Reddit thread where someone asked the question, “What do you see now that gives you pause when you didn’t think a thing about it before Covid?” Salad bars, blowing out candles on a birthday cake then serving it to others, shaking hands with strangers, wearing masks everywhere, tasting your best friend’s drink. Life will be forever changed by Covid. In many of the same ways a death changes us.

What do you do differently now and can’t imagine going back to the old ways?

❄️?❄️

“For then the dust will return to the earth, and the spirit will return to God who gave it.”
Ecclesiastes 12:7 NLT

More Cast Iron, More Knitting, More Snow

Sun, 23 Jan 2022 02:30:00 -0600

My son-in-law’s mom texted me yesterday. She found a really cool piece of cast iron in the shed they’re cleaning out and will hold it for me till we get there in May. This is called a Gem Pan. Our grandmas and great grandmas made Gem Cakes in these back in the day. It looks like you could also use the pan to bake individual tarts or mini quiches, as well as corn cakes.

My grandma didn’t have anything as fancy as this. She had two or three cast iron skillets. My mom had several. I took them with me when mom died and I cleaned out her house and of all things…they were amongst the items I let go of when I downsized. In the end, it’s ok. Because, one cast iron pan is as good as the next for cooking in and this way, I’ve been able to concentrate on collecting Griswolds. I do have several pieces that are unmarked save for a size number.

I finished the tube portion of the first sock in this pair yesterday. Now I need to cut in the heel. I want to finish this pair quickly because my sweater yarn arrives next week and I can hardly wait to start on that. I chose three colors…a soft heather grey, a medium rose heather, and a dark heather grey. I have the supplies I need and I’ll print out the pattern. This one doesn’t have a tutorial video. I found those to be so helpful when knitting the socks. I saved them on my YouTube channel so I can go back and view them when I need clarification on a particular step.

Now that I know my surgery will be coming up sooner rather than later, I do need to get some things done around the house in preparation. I don’t know about you, but if I’m going to be traveling or I know I’m going to be down for a while, I like to have the house in order, the pantry stocked, and maybe even some dishes prepared ahead of time to make meals easier upon my return. Remember…we were talking just the other day about being a good scout and always being prepared.

I am so grateful that my family members with covid are getting over it now. Thank God for vaccines…they really did their job in protecting them from severe illness. I was talking with a couple of my cousins this weekend and we marveled that we had managed to avoid getting it. Then, I woke up yesterday morning with a scratchy throat. The older I get, the more easily I choke on my own saliva…or air, for that matter. I got choked Friday afternoon, so I think that’s why my throat was a little sore. I’m going to watch it and not get up in Mr. FixIt’s face for a couple of days. I mean, after all this time staying well, wouldn’t it be a bummer to get covid right before I’m scheduled for surgery?

My girlfriends from my class are gathering for coffee on Saturday, but I’m not going. Other than going to the hospital for my pre operative testing, I’m sequestering myself from everyone. I don’t want to run any risks. There will be time for gathering for coffee after this surgery is done.

The temperature was 3 degrees at our house yesterday morning. I think it’s going to be warmer in the next few days. Isn’t it funny when you start to call the 30’s “warm”? It’s all a matter of perspective, isn’t it? We have a 62% chance of snow today.What’s it doing in your neck of the woods?

❄️?❄️

“It is useless for you to work so hard from early morning until late at night, anxiously working for food to eat; for God gives rest to his loved ones.”
Psalms 127:2 NLT

Three Weeks from Monday!

Sat, 22 Jan 2022 02:30:00 -0600

The sock grows more…day by day.

I woke up yesterday and turned off the “sleeping” notification on my iPhone. I’ve started setting that because my phone would start buzzing as soon as others far more industrious than me were up and texting. My phone came alive with notifications, one of which was a missed phone call and subsequent voicemail. When I checked, it was a call from the scheduler for my endocrine surgeon’s office! Yes! This was a good sign.

After I was up and had performed my morning ablutions, I returned the call to Melissa. We’re on a first name basis now. I already had an appointment scheduled with the voice clinic to check my vocal chords for next Friday afternoon. I need to see the anesthesia clinic as well and Melissa was able to get me an appointment Friday morning. That way we only have to make the one trip up before surgery.

I was really surprised when she told me I would be with the anesthesia people for two hours. When I went to Florida for my first surgery last March, the anesthesiologist came in to see me as I was being prepped for surgery. That was it. I have to say, OSU is very thorough and that makes me feel so much more comfortable. My appointment with the voice clinic will entail a scope that goes down my throat so the doctor can see my vocal cords. I should also be able to watch on the monitor.

Once those two appointments were scheduled, Melissa and I set out to find a good time to do my surgery. I was thrilled when she said we can tentatively choose a date in February. Apparently, people aren’t really thrilled about scheduling surgery on Valentine’s Day. Go figure. I told her, every day is Valentine’s Day in our house, so get me in whenever you can. I’ll take candy hearts for the OR staff and it’ll be a party! I have hotel reservations for both visits.

This will give me plenty of time to heal before our beach vacation in April and our trip to Colorado in May. And, it won’t interrupt our summer mowing/camping/fun! I am really looking forward to feeling better. I’m praying every day that the surgeon will find the offending gland and remove it and I am healed of this problem. I am SO looking forward to feeling better and getting my life back!!!

Three weeks from Monday, people! Three weeks from Monday!!!

❄️?❄️

“But when I am afraid, I will put my trust in you.”
Psalms 56:3 NLT

#PrimaryHyperparathyroidism, #Surgery, #Parathyroidectomy

Always Be Prepared

Wed, 19 Jan 2022 02:30:00 -0600

While I was only a Brownie Scout for one year of my life, I forever held to the tenet learned at our very first meeting…Always Be Prepared. I probably took that to the nth degree over time as I tried to imagine every possible outcome to every possible situation. I had an aunt that trained me to do that and it has been a lifelong struggle to let go of the illusion of control. We aren’t clairvoyant, but that doesn’t mean we can’t be a “good scout” and do our best to be prepared for those situations we have some control over…like stocking up with the supplies we need.

Last month, I was lucky enough to come across a small pharmacy in the medical office building where my doctor’s office is located. I buy a particular brand of CBD lotion there that Mr. FixIt uses on his back and hands and he swears it helps with his arthritis. As I was checking out, I noticed some at-home Covid testing kits and picked up a couple. We haven’t used them yet, but having them available gives us some comfort. It’s not always convenient or easy to get to a testing site when you live in the country, and with the omicron variant being so incredibly contagious, it’s best to be prepared.

The US Government is now providing four at-home testing kits per household. The website went live yesterday and we ordered our allotment online. Very quick and easy. You can order your free tests at https://www.covidtests.gov/ and they should arrived in no more than twelve days. Testing before anticipated gatherings, wearing masks (N95’s or double surgical), good hand washing techniques and hand sanitizer, social distancing, attempting to gather out of doors or with windows open, and getting vaccinated are our best tools to stay healthy and try to knock down this virus.

The last I heard, my girls are doing much better and my brother hardly had any symptoms. I am so grateful for the vaccines. My daughter has asthma and my brother is extremely high risk. Without the vaccines, I could quite possibly be telling you an entirely different story. The fact that there are breakthrough infections is not an indicator that the vaccines don’t work. Quite the opposite. No one said the vaccine would provide complete immunity. The vaccines provide enough immunity to hopefully keep us from getting a deadly case if we do get a breakthrough infection.

I just started a Bible study on the 23rd Psalm. “The Lord is my Shepherd. I have everything I need.” I am given everything I need. I prayed for vaccines as soon as the pandemic began. My scientific training and my Faith are not at odds. God does not call the equipped…He equips the called. Medical Scientists have been gifted with the know-how to produce cures for diseases. I choose to be vaccinated and use healthy precautions to protect myself and others. I encourage others to do the same. There have been enough vaccines give at this point to demonstrate their safety and efficacy.

I pray for this world…especially in these times. I pray for those healthcare providers who are totally overwhelmed with Covid patients. We’re all tired of this. I get it. I am ever hopeful that things are beginning to take a turn in this pandemic and we can all have brighter days ahead. My heart breaks for those who have lost loved ones to this disease. I read an article yesterday that said families have started hiding the fact their loved one died of Covid. When you ask a family member if their loved one was vaccinated, you aren’t showing empathy toward the ones left with the pain of loss.

I know it’s hard to be empathetic when someone dies and it likely could have been prevented. This is a harsh enough world as it is. Let’s not lose our humanity and caring toward one another by passing judgement on loved ones of the bereaved. Do I think everyone should be vaccinated? Yes…that’s my medical background speaking. But loss is loss and love is the comforting balm we can offer all those families who have lost loved ones in the last couple of years.

““I am the Lord, the God of all the peoples of the world. Is anything too hard for me?”
Jeremiah 32:27 NLT

Sending Out Prayers by the Bushel

Fri, 14 Jan 2022 02:30:00 -0600

I woke up yesterday morning in my grandma’s bed. I looked out at the trees…their naked fingers reaching for the murky sky. A flash of copper zipped by the window and I scooched over to see if I could find it again. An Eastern Towhee was flitting in and out of the Carolina Spice Bush and the Flowering Quince on the creek bank…its wings rustling the crispy leaves underneath, looking for something tasty. I smiled.

This is what I come here for. I rolled back on my pillow and pulled the covers up under my chin. At the moment, everything was still. No furnace, no pump, no logging trucks. Just Bluejays and Carolina Chickadees and a Hairy Woodpecker up in a dead tree somewhere. *sigh*

Someone shared here yesterday that relinquishing everything to God is like flexing a muscle. The more you do it, the stronger it gets. When God miraculously lifts the heavy burden of anxiety off you in a situation where you have always had anxiety before…you notice that. And, you want more of that peace. That “peace beyond understanding.” The only thing I did differently during my procedure a couple of weeks ago was A) I handed it over immediately and B) I didn’t ask for it back. That worked so well, I’ve been practicing it over and over and over and it’s really helping!

I slept like a stone.

“Thank you, God.” I whispered. “Thank you for carrying my worry basket last night.”

I thought for sure I would lay awake all night worrying about my Colorado peeps. When I woke up refreshed, it further reinforced just how strong that “giving it to God” muscle is getting. It’s a behavior modification. Something works and it’s easier to do again the next time you’re faced with the same challenge.

I checked in on my brother yesterday and got to talk with him on the phone. He said he woke up with a stuffy head, but by the time I spoke to him, he felt better. I was so relieved. Then I heard from Daughter #2 and they do have Covid. This was their fifth day and I think they are turning the corner. Thank you so much for your prayers and concern. I would very much appreciate it if you could keep lifting them up over the next few days till they’re all feeling better.

It felt great to get home yesterday. It feels like I’ve had a two week vacation. The weather man is predicting a huge snowstorm at the end of the weekend so when I was finished with my doctor’s appointment in town, I headed for the grocery store. I knew it was packed when I walked in and there were no buggies up front. Someone brought one back into the store (don’t you just love that when people bring the carts in?) and I tried to do a quick sweep around the store to pick up necessities. I wore two masks and stayed away from people as much as possible and slathered my hands with sanitizer when I got back to the truck.

When I got home, I did that dreaded chore…cleaning out the fridge so there would be room for the new stuff. Mr. FixIt took out the trash and I loaded the empty storage containers into the dishwasher. Then we had some time together, sitting in the family room, watching the news and old Big Bang reruns. I knitted a few rows on this pair of socks. They aren’t going as fast as the other pair. That’s because the yarn is much finer. Gail thinks I’m ready to try a sweater next!

Oh, and I lost seven pounds since the last time I saw the endocrinologist! Hooray for me!!!

“But the one who endures to the end will be saved.”
Matthew 24:13 NLT

Handing Over the Reins

Thu, 13 Jan 2022 02:30:00 -0600

I’m learning to say “There is a part of me that gets anxious and afraid” instead of “I have anxiety.” It is a way of telling anxiety…”You’re not the boss of me!” I’ve been reading the BEST bible studies lately about anxiety and fear and handing it over…letting it go…and giving it all to God. I started studying “You’re Not the Boss of Me: 7 Keys to Managing Anxiety” and “10 Days Of Defeating Anxiety” and they have really helped. When I knew I was going to have this invasive test a couple of weeks ago, I sequestered myself in the Big Birdhouse out back and studied, prayed, handed over, and visualized going through the entire thing with great peace. And…that’s exactly what God gave me.

Now I’m going to be heading into another surgery. My youngest daughter and her spouse are very sick, presumably with Covid and were tested today. She has bad asthma…so, you know…I’m a mom. I worry. One of my grandchildren was sick but her test came back negative and she’s feeling better so that’s a relief. Then, I heard from my brother’s caregivers last night…he has tested positive for Covid.

My very first response was fear which quickly amps up into anxiety. So I made myself stop and remember what I’ve been studying the last two weeks. First off…my brother has been double vaxxed and boosted AND he is not experiencing any symptoms. I closed my eyes…took a few deep breaths, and reread the message. He hasn’t been experiencing any symptoms and he’s fully vaxxed and he seems to be doing good and….he hasn’t been experiencing any symptoms. Did I mention he hasn’t been experiencing any symptoms? Good…because that’s what I’m clinging to.

I tried to reach him but unless he is holding his phone, he doesn’t hear it. What can I do? I can’t jump on a plane and fly to Denver, rent a car and drive four hours to get there…only to be turned away because he’s in quarantine. That doesn’t help him, and it isn’t safe for me, either. I did the only thing I could do…I immediately handed it over to God and prayed fervently that He will keep my Bubby safe. I have the numbers of his caregivers and they will keep me apprised.

The circle of Covid is tightening, my friends. I know more and more people who are catching it. One of my Facebook friends wrote in a post that she was hospitalized with Covid and pneumonia and hasn’t posted anything since. And that’s been days ago. I’m not sure if she was vaccinated or not. Yes, I know…the vaccinated can still get a breakthrough infection. But…overall…they are not getting as sick as those who still refuse to get the vaccine. Please….please….please get vaccinated and protect yourselves and those you love. There have been millions and millions of vaccine doses now and you aren’t going to glow in the dark or turn the microwave on when you cough or be marked by the beast. The benefits far outweigh the risks. If it’s fear of a needle that has you spooked, get a trusted friend to take you and hold your hand. Give your fear to God, and go get this lifesaving vaccine. I’m so weary of losing people. I don’t want to lose you, too.

Please say a little prayer for my brother and my girls and Evelyn and all who are affected by this virus.

“Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.”
Isaiah 41:10 NLT

#Covid, #Fear, #Anxiety, #Surrender

An Escape to the Farm

Wed, 12 Jan 2022 02:30:00 -0600

I can tell you, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I can’t think of anyone in this whole world I’d rather go through these trying times with than Mr. FixIt. He is mellow and easy going and it takes a heck of a lot to ruffle his feathers. He’s…steady. I, on the other hand, am not always….ummmmm, even keeled. I try, but it is the Gemini in me that sends me on tangents and I know…if I were him…I’d want to have a break from me once in a while.

I occasionally grant him this unspoken wish by heading out to the farm for a couple days of no TV…no real noise of any kind. Just the regular cycling of the furnace and the gas heaters and the sounds of the sun heating up the tin roof making it shift and pop. I came out yesterday afternoon after my video visit with my endocrine surgeon. He was reporting the results of the Selective Venous Sampling that was performed a couple of weeks ago at OSU.

I love the electronic charts that are available now. I can go in my patient portal and look at the results of my blood tests or x-rays on the same day they were drawn and not have to wait for a week to hear from the doctor. This works well if you have a background in medicine and can interpret the results. It’s not so good if you don’t really know what you’re looking at and resort to WebMD to diagnose yourself.

I could tell by the results that there were three veins (out of the twenty sampled) that showed a much higher concentration of parathyroid hormone than any of the others. That indicates the parathyroid tumor is A) on the right side and B) in my neck and NOT my chest…which is a major relief. We can do one of two things. Wait and keep retesting my blood which is not a desirable option. This disease will not go away on its own. The only fix is removal of the offending parathyroid gland(s). So, the option of removal is where we are headed.

I’ll need a couple of visits before surgery…one with the anesthesiologist and the other with a voice specialist who will test to make sure my vocal cords haven’t been damaged from the initial surgery. Going in a second time in the neck is not as easy as the first. There is scar tissue from healing, and not everything is where it used to be because someone’s been in there moving things around.

It takes an extremely skilled surgeon to re-do a parathyroidectomy and I have every faith in this surgeon’s skills. From his training, to his years of experience, to his research in parathyroid disease, he checks off everything on the list. He not only does endocrine surgery, which is very fine work. He also is an oncological surgeon. So, I am in good hands as far as my medical team. And…I am in the Best Hands because God’s got this.

I enjoyed my afternoon…sitting in grandma’s chair in front of her window, knitting the next pair of socks. A beautiful mix of sea and sand colors in 100% Merino Wool…soft as a baby’s bottom and a joy to cross my needles. I’m letting my mind embrace another surgery with great hope that I’ll be relieved of this disease once and for all and can live a longer, happier, healthier life. All while giving my sweetheart a little space of his own to rest and recuperate. We all need that from time to time.

“But when I am afraid, I will put my trust in you.”
Psalms 56:3 NLT

Let’s Talk Common Sense

Mon, 10 Jan 2022 02:30:00 -0600

If you look around…wherever you live…especially if you’re “of a certain age”, you’re going to scratch your head and think “What the heck happened to common sense???” I don’t know about you, but I shake my head…a LOT! Sometimes I think my eyes are just going to keep on rolling and stay that way.

One of my pet peeves is when you ask your health care provider how to correct something and he/she comes back with a prescription. Lord knows…I don’t need any more prescriptions. I’m trying to thin out some of them I’m taking as it is. I’ll tell you more about that in a minute but I’m going to tackle a somewhat sensitive subject…one that now seems to have lots of commercials representing “cures”. Let’s talk…irregularity.

Come on…every body poos. And the healthier it is, the better you are going to feel. What’s that one commercial call it…crankypated? Pretty good description. It seems the older I get, the more that going becomes not going and that causes all kinds of problems. One of the really fun side effects of hyperparathyroidism can be constipation. I mentioned this to my endocrinologist and he ordered lactulose. It is a sugar that gloms onto fluid and forces it into the stool. Ok, that’s one way to do it, but I only tried it once and it was pretty harsh. (Shubs…I’m sending the rest your way!)

My grandparents drank prune juice to stay regular. I’ve eaten a couple prunes a day without seeing grand, lasting results. Not that they aren’t good…but I just don’t think of grabbing a handful. And prune juice? Ummmm…no, thanks. I’ve tried Metamucil and stool softeners with mixed results. Then, I remembered the “Activia Challenge” commercial. Hey...I love yoghurt! One little cup every night for dessert? Yes, please!

I am happy to report, after just five days having this little taste treat every evening and things are right as rain again! It is because of the probiotics added to the yoghurt. Our gut biome gets all wonky for a lot of different reasons. When you have to take an antibiotic, it can mess with the bacterial balance in your gut. Certain medications and medical conditions cause constipation. We drink less water as we get older and that contributes. We eat less green, leafy vegetables and fruits like whole apples and prunes.

Another problem I’ve had for the last several years is acid reflux…commonly referred to in medical circles as GERD. I’ve had upper endoscopies and colonoscopies and, even on a strong prescription acid reducer, I still had gastritis the last time. The doctor bumped me up to the strongest dose I could take and it still didn’t make much difference. Add to that…GERD is one of the major symptoms of hyperparathyroidism, so I’ve got a double whammy.

When Mr. Virgo died, I needed a little help with my mood so I started taking the St. John’s Wort regularly. When I was in Florida having my parathyroid surgery in March, the PA was going through my pre-op physical and asking me what medications I take. I was on antidepressants for years and I don’t ever want to take them again if I can avoid it. I figured, if I could take something natural that would work, then that’s what I’d rather do…hence, the St. John’s Wort. She said something about being very careful with that particular supplement because it can have a strong interactions with certain medications. I not only promptly forgot what medication she mentioned, but that she had issued the warning in the first place. It only recently came back to me. (Memory is funny that way, isn’t it?)

Anyway, the other night I looked up on WebMD and saw they have a medication interaction calculator. You put in your medications and it tells you if any of them interact poorly. I wanted to find out which one the St. John’s Wort was messing up. Well, would you believe it was the acid reducer? It reduces the effectiveness. And here I’ve been doctoring for this burning in the pit of my stomach, taking the strongest medicine I could take…for YEARS, and not getting any relief. I’ve weaned off the St. John’s Wort now and I can already feel a difference in my stomach…it’s not burning like it used to. Eureka!

This is when we circle back to “common sense”. Sometimes you just have to take a step back, do a little research, and be your own best advocate in the medical community. They are trained to fix things and their tools are often medicine. You can rest assured, they don’t get kickbacks from the drug companies like they used to. That’s how some people end up in their old age taking a shoebox full of pills every day prescribed by a handful of different doctors.

I’m here to tell you…I was married to a doctor. For twenty years. And he was darned good at what he did. But…he put his boots on one at a time, just like everyone else. Doctors are not God. And medicine is not an exact science. While anyone with that kind of education and professional status commands a certain amount of respect, it should never come at the cost of you not questioning something. If they push pills, ask if there’s an alternative. Tell them you aren’t an avid pill popper and see if there’s some other natural, healthy way to fix your problem.

My Aunt Peeps was in her 80’s when she died of dementia and untreated (by choice) breast cancer. My cousin was sitting with her in the hospital one day when the doctor asked her what medicine she took. The answer shocked him. One small prescription…period. No vitamins. No supplements. Nothing over the counter except maybe an aspirin or acetaminophen from time to time. She never bought anything fancy for her skin. She washed her face with a washcloth and whatever bar soap was available. She used Prell shampoo and Crest toothpaste, because that’s what her mother used. She stayed away from doctors at all costs save for the two times she broke her hips. (She actually fell on the ice and broke her wrist once but never went in to have it set. It was always crooked after that.)

In contrast, when I called my mom every Sunday night, I received the rundown on how many doctor’s appointments they were going to every week and which antibiotic they were currently taking. Doctors were gods in her house. You never, ever questioned them. But I’m here to tell you, you’ve GOT to question them. In a non-confrontational manner, of course. But don’t just take everything they say as the gospel. Write down your questions. Be sure you leave enough time in your appointment to feel free to ask your health care professional to answer them.

So, there’s my TED Talk for the night. Poop and prescriptions. Don’t be afraid to ask and get your questions answered.

“If you become wise, you will be the one to benefit. If you scorn wisdom, you will be the one to suffer.”
‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭9:12‬ ‭NLT‬‬

An Incredible Day

Fri, 31 Dec 2021 02:30:00 -0600

I had one of the most amazing experiences yesterday…and in the days leading up to it. We’ve talked here a lot about anxiety and PTSD. I cannot remember a time since Mr. Virgo died that I didn’t experience incredible, sometimes debilitating anxiety before any medical event. When I was here in the big city to get my 4D CT Scan on October 14th, I spent the night before in the hotel room throwing up from anxiety. This time was completely different.

I started studying some really good devotionals on anxiety and how to get the upper hand and not let it be the boss. I studied sub-personalities and how they affect worry and stress and the combination of the two…anxiety. I’m a firm believer that knowledge is power in that it can alleviate some of the “unknown” in a situation. But, what really made the difference was pulling out the Big Guns.

I prayed. You prayed. Everyone I knew to ask prayed. For success. For peace. For calm up to and through the procedure. I spent two days in my camper, pleading with God to show me how to let go of fear and anxiety and the answer He gave me was so simple. “Give it to me.” So, here’s what I did.

The night before the procedure, I wore my Bluetooth noise cancelling headphones that I wear when I mow. I connected them to my iPad and listened to the soundtrack I always use when I write…a crackling campfire in a thunderstorm. I closed my eyes and let the sound transport me to a beautiful campground in the woods, on top of a mountain. You know how I ask Jesus to go for a walk with me? Well, this time I asked him to go camping with me.

We sat around the campfire…sometimes chatting, sometimes still. Every time I had a thought that might send me down the rabbit hole, I tossed it over to Jesus. He caught it deftly with one hand and tossed it in the fire where we would watch the sudden burst of sparks fly up into the night sky. Then…we’d laugh and laugh at how silly those thoughts were. How insignificant, really…in the grand scheme of things. Because, if you think about it…they are thoughts. Thoughts cannot kill you on their own. This was an incredibly powerful visualization and I felt ZERO anxiety leading up to, and even laying on the table having the procedure.

I was awake…sort of. I knew everything that was going on. I had to be awake enough to follow directions like “Hold your breath” and “Turn your head.” I could feel the catheter in the veins in my chest and neck. Sometimes it tickled. Sometimes it sounded like little bubbles. It was fascinating. They made a small incision in my upper thigh and threaded the catheter through there. Then they threaded it to different veins in my upper chest and neck.

Picture a large creek. Upstream, there are a lot of tributaries. What we want to do is walk up each tributary, throw a line in the water, and see if we can catch a fish. But not just any fish. We want the big kahoona. What the catheter did was stick its nose in the mouth of each “creek” to try to sniff out where the big fish is camping. What the doctor wants to see is a BIG number in one of the tributaries. That indicates there’s a bad gland up that stream. They take an outline of the heart and the twelve veins they took the samples from and write the numbers on the corresponding vein on the drawing. Then, the surgeon can see which vein is dumping buckets of parathyroid hormone. He can follow that vein and, ostensibly, hit the mother lode and get that bad boy out of there!

I cannot make heads nor tails of the numbers, however…I know we are looking for one BIG one. And there was…ONE big one! So, now I’m praying that means they can find the offending gland, take it out, and cure me of this disease that has been robbing so much of my joy the last four years.

The doctor came in after the procedure and remarked how incredibly calm I was. When I saw him in consult…I was a nervous Nelly. I asked him if he wanted to know my secret. He did. So I told him about camping with Jesus. He listened intently. We finished up and as he left the room, he told me what a pleasure it was to work with me and Mr. FixIt. Then, he looked back around and thanked me for telling him about the visualization I used. He said he was going to try it himself. I love that!

You never know whose life you are going to touch and under what circumstance. Just know that I am so incredibly grateful to have yet another opportunity to tell you how Jesus works in my life. He amazes me…every time!

And, here it is…the last day of 2021. Much like the second year after the loss of a loved one, 2021 was harder than 2020. We kinda went into the pandemic thinking we’d knock this out of the park in two or three months…maybe a little more. We couldn’t have believed at the time that it would just get worse…and worse. But there were gems in the flames, as there always are. Science brought us a vaccine and medicines to help. There have been many, many good things that occurred mixed in with the bad. We just have to look for and focus on them. And do our best to ease the burden of the medical community. The gal who checked me in yesterday said she had already had four front desk employees call in sick.

“Omicron is no joke” she said.

Here’s to a Happy, HEALTHY New Year for us all! Might I just caution you to open the door slowly and peak in? Don’t threaten 2022 with a haughty attitude of “Bring it on!” Let’s just tip toe in quietly and try not to wake it up or tick it off too bad…ok? Thanks!

See ya next year!!!

❄️

“Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.”
Mark 11:24 ESV

Putting Things into Perspective

Tue, 28 Dec 2021 02:30:00 -0600

When I think of all the things that are going on all over this planet, my problems seem pretty small in comparison. It’s all a matter of perspective.

I come from a long line of “worrywarts”…my mom was the Queen of Worrisome Thoughts. We would accuse her of going to bed at night just to think up stuff to worry about the next day. Ahhh, she taught me well. Unfortunately. Worrying creates physical and emotional symptoms which are included under the blanket term…anxiety. If you are a worrier…just try to stop. I dare ya. Because…you don’t just stop that. Especially when it is a life long, ground in, baseline behavior.

I don’t like being a worrier. I don’t like feeling anxious. So why does my mind keep going back to that place where I think up every bad outcome that can possibly happen? Why do I try to control how things play out because I’m as sure as a gypsy with a crystal ball I know how it’s going to go? Why do I freak out when I’m facing uncertainty? Because. Those are the genes I’ve got and that is the background sound track of my upbringing.

I find it’s worse when I’m isolated…which translates to winter. There aren’t as many social opportunities in the winter. We tend to hibernate and keep to ourselves more in the winter months. Stir in a global pandemic, and my world has collapsed to a handful of people who mean so much to me…and one of them just died. So yeah…it’s been a mite rough of late.

I am bound and determined to get a handle on this because I really don’t want to live out the rest of my days with butterflies in my stomach and sweaty palms every time I’m faced with uncertainty. Life is, by very definition…uncertain. These times are uncertain. The world is uncertain. When Mr. Virgo had his heart attack, his death…and the disturbing images of the rescue efforts in the ER…left me traumatized. PTSD is tricky. It has a hair trigger and certain situations set me into a tailspin.

When Mr. FixIt had two small strokes within a few weeks of each other, it left both of us feeling like we were living under Damocles Sword. We were just waiting for the string to break and our world would come crashing down around us…all while navigating the pandemic and political upheaval. As time has gone by, we are feeling more and more confident there isn’t an impending catastrophic event about to occur at any moment. I don’t hover over him every second and watch his every move anymore. But still, when I get isolated, I find it more difficult getting back out there in the world.

When I was going through a particularly dark and difficult time at the end of my second marriage, I was in therapy and it really helped me find my voice. After Mr. Virgo died, I went to grief counseling and had EMDR treatments for PTSD and that really helped. That therapy gave me tools to use to help me find my way through the dark times. Sometimes we get stuck in a rut and we forget to open the toolbox and find what we know is there. Sometimes it gets just too easy to sit and rock and worry.

Technology has come a long way since those dark days of my new millennium. I was reading an article yesterday about mental health advancements and ways you can help yourself through these trying times. They suggested an app called Mindshift. You download it and it asks you questions and gives suggestions of tools to help you feel better through CBT…Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. There is a journal area and a place to set and track goals. There are Care Cards which give you thought points to help you through anxiety symptoms. There is even a section with guided meditations. Of course, it is not meant to treat or diagnose psychiatric conditions. The app has links to find immediate support should you need it.

My relationship with God is where I turn and hand over all my problems. But God also created doctors and medical professionals and techniques to help you when you struggle. I don’t know anyone who has not been changed by the events of the last two years and I know for a fact that I am not standing alone today in my feelings of loss and confusion with the state of the world. I’m all about finding the light…looking for the goodness…and using the tools I need to feel better, more stable, stronger, and less worry-filled than I have been the last couple of weeks.

I’ve decided my new word for the coming year will be “Wellness” and all that it entails…physically, mentally, and emotionally. I’m starting with baby steps…working with the Mindshift app, cutting back on sugar and processed foods, drinking more water, getting out every day for a walk and looking for healthy ways to make myself feel better. I’ve really missed camping. It’s always something that lifts my spirits. So, yesterday afternoon I packed a little overnight bag, kissed my sweetheart, and headed out to the Big Birdhouse in the field. It was well in the 60’s outside and it felt great. I set up the bed with the new twin-sized electric blanket we bought earlier in the day. And I camped out in the camper all night…on December 27th in West Virginia! How about that??? There was rain on the roof and everything!

Edit: I got a call at 11:30pm saying our powers would be out sometime between 12:30 and 3:30am for an emergency repair. The overnight low was in the mid-40’s so I came inside at midnight, but it was a great break…just what I needed!

I can feel life flowing back into my spirit with every word I write!

❄️

“Seek the Lord and his strength; seek his presence continually!”
1 Chronicles 16:11 ESV

We Hit it Out of the Park!

Mon, 27 Dec 2021 02:30:00 -0600

We’ve had to divide up the family parties since covid. One faction believes in vaccines and the other does not. It’s not a problem in the summer so much because we can gather outside, but during the winter when we can’t do that, we have to take everyone’s choices into consideration and make the necessary adjustments to holiday festivities.

My bonus son and his family came yesterday for lunch and to exchange gifts. When I joined the family, I introduced a Colorado tradition of chili and homemade cinnamon rolls. I’ve been baking cinnamon rolls for decades. As a matter of fact, I used to supply one of the local coffee houses in Glenwood Springs with my cinnamon rolls once a week. They were always a big hit and people would call ahead to reserve them. Well, I thought they were good, but they couldn’t hold a candle to the new recipe I tried yesterday!

The 2021 Recipe of the Year for King Arthur Flour is Perfectly Pillowy Cinnamon Rolls. OMGosh! These things are HEAVEN ON A PLATE! They are light and pillowy soft thanks to an extra step at the beginning of the recipe where you make a Tangzhong…a cooked paste of flour and milk to which you add the wet, then dry ingredients. The recipe sounds complicated, but it is surprisingly easy to make. You know how wonderful Cinnamon Rolls taste when they’re fresh from the oven…but within a very short while, they get hard and dry? Well…these will last up to a week (although I cannot imagine them making it that long the way we eat them!) They are SO good…I will never make a different recipe when I want this particular yummy goodness. They were a major hit…so much so that the youngest grandchild wants to come out this week and learn how to make them!

We exchanged gifts and had a wonderful visit. I felt much better yesterday and having family around did me a world of good. I didn’t get to see all the family in person, however we at least got to talk with all of them either over the phone or on video chat. It turned out to be a Merry Christmas after all! Inviting Jesus into every circumstance has really helped me feel so much better. That being said, I’m still not terribly excited about the upcoming procedure this week, but I know He’ll be there with me so I have nothing to fear.

❄️

“Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and eat with him, and he with me.”
Revelation 3:20 ESV

A Self Care Christmas

Sun, 26 Dec 2021 02:30:00 -0600

I did what I promised myself I would do yesterday. I got up and fixed breakfast. We opened our little gifts to each other. I got Mr. FixIt a reaching tool with a magnet and a light on one end so he can pick things up off the ground when he’s working. I also got him a movie that he mentioned he liked…”Secondhand Lions”. He bought me a sturdy camping table and a beautiful pale pink cashmere sweater. I think he spoiled me. We both loved our gifts. We have to count the new camper, the cell phones, and a new set of pots and pans that were purchased in the months leading up to the holidays. That’s why we went slim on the gifting.

I took a nap in the afternoon and then started a big batch of chili in the slow cooker. We picked up around the house and vacuumed. I wrapped presents. And the only thing I’ll have to do this morning is make the cinnamon rolls for our Christmas gathering with some of my bonus family this afternoon.

I went ahead and bought some more of that cotton yarn I like for knitting dishcloths. I like to sit and knit something mindless that I don’t have to count stitches or rows or try to keep on a pattern. I have plenty of sock yarn but that’s not what I’m into right now. I need something easy that reduces stress, not add to it. I received a beautiful gift on Friday from one of my dearest friends. We camp together and I am forever borrowing knitting needles to work on something different at the campground. So, for Christmas, she sent me a whole set of circular needles and two skeins of sock yarn tucked in a gift sack she made herself. She is amazing. She has ten kids and umpteen grandkids and renovates houses and helps with the family and does stuff for everyone. She’s one of the most selfless people I know. And she took the time to make the gift sack. I love her dearly.

I started out the day feeling poorly again, but by the afternoon, I was fine again. I’d swear, if I didn’t know better, I’d think I was pregnant! Thank you God that those days are long behind me. Maybe it’s a bug that’s been going around. Maybe it’s stress. I’m reading a couple of wonderful devotionals that are really helping. They’re called “10 Days of Defeating Anxiety” and “Grace? What’s That?: Devotions from Time of Grace. They remind me to take every thought captive and hand them to God. He loves me unconditionally, no matter what I’ve done or how many times I make mistakes. I can rest in that. I don’t have to control everything because I can’t. I don’t have to worry about tomorrow because there’s enough to worry about today.

I’ve been fixating on a couple of events that are coming up. Mr. FixIt has an appointment with an eye specialist. I’m sure he’s fine and anything that needs to be done will be a simple fix. But…he’s my boo and I worry. Then Thursday I have that procedure where they do venous sampling to try to locate these lost parathyroid glands. It’s done like a cardiac cath where they run a wire up into the veins in my neck and chest and take blood samples in various areas. Then they’ll test them for PTH and hopefully they can find the drainage from the offending gland so we can locate it and get it out of there. The procedure takes about four hours, laying on your back on an x-ray table. And, I’ll be mostly awake so I can follow directions.

I’m trying not to let it freak me out, but medical things trigger my PTSD. I know this is a lot of personal information I share here. But, I also know, a lot of other people have these same feelings and they have no one to tell them they aren’t alone. Many times you all have said I speak the things you are thinking but don’t have the words for. It’s a really vulnerable thing to share like I do. And sometimes it’s scary. I just know that God gave me this ministry for a reason and that’s to inform, comfort, enlighten, and share my experiences as they have affected me so you know you aren’t weird for thinking or feeling this or that.

I know the ride has been a little bumpy the last couple of weeks. Thanks for hanging in there with me. You have no idea what a comfort you all are to me. Because, I learn I’M not alone either. I hope you had as good a Christmas as you could have. I know there are some who are hurting this year and it was the worst ever. Please know my heart is with you.

❄️

““Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.”
Matthew 6:34 ESV

It’s Always Something, Isn’t It?

Wed, 03 Nov 2021 01:30:00 -0600

Home again, home again…jiggety jig!

What a crazy couple of days. We got to Columbus by 5:00PM on Monday. I wrote my post and we ordered carry out. I just had a salad and soup but it didn’t sit well. Butterflies and GERD…great combo. Also, I forget when we stay in a hotel room, Mr. FixIt watches his TV. I ended up putting in my earplugs and reading my Bible devotional. When I’m anxious, I have made it a habit to call on Jesus first before I chase down a rabbit hole. Sometimes I read the Bible. Sometimes I listen to praise music. Last night, I had a conversation with Him. I asked Him to go for a walk with me. It was so relaxing and peaceful. In my mind’s eye, we walked through the woods with the beautiful colors. I focused on the sounds and sights and smells and before I knew it, I was settled right down and snoozing.

We both awoke before dawn yesterday and read the news and weather. My sweetheart brought me tea and yoghurt and a banana from the breakfast bar. Then we packed and left for my doctor’s appointment. As with most big medical centers, it’s kind of a hurry up and wait thing. I wasn’t really anxious yesterday. It’s always the night before in anticipation. We really loved the doctor. He was very reassuring. He went over everything with us. There’s good news and bad news. Anytime there has been surgery in an area, scar tissue builds up. In my case, the scar tissue has cut off the jugular vein on the left side. It’s ok…it doesn’t hurt me at all. As a matter of fact, the body is so miraculous, if the vein gets cut off or even removed, the body builds NEW veins to take it’s place. That’s where we are…new veins being built on the left. Which is good, but they are very small and it does diminish the chances of being able to thread a tiny wire through it. Because of this, he conservatively estimates he has a 50/50 chance of finding the missing parathyroid glands. Fifty-fifty is more than 0/100, so we will move forward with the venous sampling. He has had good results with this procedure, and he may be the only doctor in Ohio that does it. We came away feeling good about the whole thing. Especially when he told us my surgeon is THE cream of the crop!

We took our time coming home and stopped in Lancaster to go through the Olde Shoe Factory Antique Mall. Wowza! We didn’t see half of it…it was amazing! Didn’t buy a thing but I sure saw lots of things that I loved. We got home around dark and had supper. I thought I might try sleeping out in the new camper last night. The temp was predicted to get down to around 28 and I wanted to see if the little heater would keep it warm. It was 39 out and I lasted maybe fifteen minutes. I didn’t want to turn the furnace on so I just packed back up and came inside.

As I was gathering my things, a notification came across my phone to expect a freeze overnight. Suddenly I remembered…I had turned off the furnace at the farm in the spring and hadn’t turned it back on. I came in the house and told my sweetheart and before I could finish, he had the TV off and was up, ready to go with me. We changed the filter in the furnace, put fresh batteries in the thermostat and set it at 72. Then we turned on the gas stove in the bathroom to keep the pipes from freezing and turned off both dehumidifiers. So the farm is ready for winter…now we need to get things straightened up around here. I’ll work on the camping gear today…promise!

Whew…that was a very fast and furious 36 hours. I’m really ready to have a couple of days at home!

???

“Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.”
Romans 12:2 ESV

It’s November!

Mon, 01 Nov 2021 01:30:00 -0600

Between the rainstorms of the last week, I’ve finished mowing here on our little slice of heaven. Here’s hoping it’s the last time till next year. Don’t get me wrong…you KNOW how much I love my riding mower, but I tell ya…by this time of year, I’m ready for a break. My bonus son called today and asked his dad to go to the driving range to hit some golf balls, so I was at home alone for a few hours.

I decided to attack the stuff we took out of TOW-Wanda when we hauled her up for the trade in. I bought several big tubs at Sam’s the other day to use for storing camping gear, but I’m determined to only save what we will actually use. In that vein, I sat with a trash can in front of me, going through the baskets and storage tubs I hauled around in that big camper for the last eight years.

There were bits and bobs…things that will come in handy. Connectors, tools, markers that actually still work. There were name tags from several camping events I attended, which brought back some wonderful memories. There were birthday cards, a picture of Daughter #2 in her Halloween costume when she was probably nine or ten, a couple rolls of foil. I whittled down three baskets into one. I put bigger items in the tubs, labeling the lids with their contents to make things easier to find later on. These will all be placed in a storage room downstairs.

The light started to change in late afternoon so I set everything aside and went out with my phone to take some photos of the colors. I love when the light is golden and so are the leaves. It just sets the tone and the hills are ablaze with glorious color. It was so beautiful!

I put Pumpkin kitty in her building early because…you know, a black cat on Halloween. It’s dangerous to leave them outside. Mr. FixIt came home and, not knowing she was in there, opened the garage door to put his golf clubs away. Zip…out she went. He did everything he could do to entice her back inside but she was having none of it. I would have given anything to have a video of him trying to herd a spunky kitty back inside for the night. I went and got her treats and set one down. Here. Here. Here. Till I walked her close enough to the building to pick her up, give her a little scritch behind the ears, and tuck her in for safe keeping…again.

We are heading to Columbus today to stay the night for an early doctor’s appointment tomorrow. This is just a physical exam before they schedule me for the selective parathyroid venous catheterization that’s been ordered. The sestimibi scan was negative. So was the 4D-CT scan. This is the next step. It’s done like a cardiac cath, but the catheter takes random blood samples from different arteries in the neck and chest area. Each sample is labeled for its particular location and the PTH (parathyroid hormone) level is tested.

Ideally, there will be a high level in one artery that indicates the offending parathyroid gland is swimming upstream there. This allows the endocrine surgeon to hone in on the correct area and hopefully remove that bad boy and get this disease over with. Yeah…I’m not real excited about this one, but I can’t ignore this disease. It never goes away on its own and it can knock many years off your life. So I don’t really have a choice. I’ve got the ultimate Healer walking with me every step of the way, guiding the physicians and surgeons to fix me.

I hope you had a beautiful weekend!

???

“And Jesus answered them, “Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick.”
Luke 5:31 ESV

Tripping the Trigger

Sat, 30 Oct 2021 01:30:00 -0600

I went to town yesterday morning to take the truck in for repairs. I was really early, so I stopped at my favorite coffee shop and enjoyed a latte and a pastry and read my new Brenda Gantt cookbook. As I sat there, thinking about the upcoming garage visit, I became uncomfortable. I couldn’t put my finger on exactly why. This happens sometimes and I have to cogitate on it for a while before it comes to me.

You’ve probably heard the term trigger used in a way that doesn’t relate to guns. It wasn’t all that many years ago that I learned about trauma triggers. I will quote from Wikipedia: A trauma trigger is a psychological stimulus that prompts involuntary recall of a previous traumatic experience. The stimulus itself need not be frightening or traumatic and may be only indirectly or superficially reminiscent of an earlier traumatic incident, such as a scent or a piece of clothing.

A couple of days ago, I had a little time to kill between appointments, so I went to my favorite antique shop. I was browsing around and I saw some really cool glasses, a couple of quilts, a neat crock. Then, I saw a doll and a very faint memory flickered through my mind like a bolt of lightning streaks across a distant sky and was gone. It was so far away. I couldn’t hear the thunder, but the storm was coming nonetheless.

I turned a corner and there was a little doll carriage…old fashioned, metal frame, white wheels. There was the lightning again…a little closer. I turned to look around and there were kid’s books and the storm was closer. This hadn’t happened to me in a long time. It used to send me into a panic and I’d run away, but this time I stayed looking for the hurricane so I could face it head on.

I became a “storm chaser”.

My eyes ran over the shelves of old toys, each one stirring the winds, till I hit the mother lode.

There, on the top shelf, was a picture block puzzle. And…immediately I was transported to the stone garage behind the house next door to my grandmother. It was dark and the windows were glazed over with years of dust and soot. The light shone faintly through. A man was carrying me. His breath was labored, his tweedy suit scratchy against my bare legs. He wasn’t my dad. He wasn’t my grandfather. He was old and he had me alone in a dark garage. I was maybe two or three.

I don’t know where my mother was, nor why I was here with this man. I have a vague memory of him showing me toys. Old fashioned, old timey toys. An old leather pram. A doll with a cracked face and a dark blue velvet jacket worn bare in places. And a wooden block picture puzzle…the kind you could make lots of pictures with because of all the sides. I have a vague memory of him giving me that puzzle but I have no idea whatever happened to it.

His hands were gentle, and I wasn’t scared of him. That’s why I think he must have been someone we knew, like Grandmother’s neighbor. His wife had TB and used to sit on the front porch with Grandmother. I was always instructed to be polite to them. There wasn’t anything traumatic about that memory.

However, because of that experience, I was trusting. Too trusting. A few years later, when I was about eight or so, the neighbor boy asked my friend Karen and I if we wanted to see the old toys in their garage. I took Karen’s hand and followed him into the garage where the boy proceeded to trap me and sexually assault me. We managed to escape before he could hurt Karen, but I was left forever traumatized by that seminal event.

When I saw the toys in the antique store on Tuesday, it tripped a trauma trigger and my palms started sweating and I felt I couldn’t catch my breath. But I stayed with it. I rode the lightning, because if I don’t, it wins. I stayed. I looked at every toy and told it…”You are nothing but a memory and yesterday cannot hurt me. I’ve forgiven the people who abused me in the past. You are nothing but a trigger and a trigger is nothing but a thought and a thought is not what’s happening now. A thought cannot hurt me, so stop it.”

My breathing slowed. My heart rate slowed. My blood pressure was still a little elevated at the doctor’s office a little bit later, but overall, I rode that through without having a full fledged panic attack. There was one thing I could NOT do. I couldn’t touch the puzzle blocks. Every time I reached out it was like static so I just left it alone. I took a picture, but try as I might, I couldn’t find it on my phone. I found a similar one on the internet.

Desensitization therapy is one of the most effective ways to work through trauma and minimize triggers. It doesn’t mean they go away or that you’ll never have them again, but it makes it easier to get through. When I have a strong experience like that, it sometimes takes a day or so to even out. As I sat in the coffee shop yesterday morning, the thought of going into the tiny little waiting area at the mechanic’s garage and sitting there for hours with strange men coming in and out made me uncomfortable.

I could have done it. I could have forced myself. But I decided to go with my gut. I called my sweet Mr. FixIt and explained the situation to him and said, “If I bring the truck back home, will you take it in later to the garage?” There’s a noise it’s been making and I’d like to have it fixed and Mr. FixIt knows exactly what it is. “Of course I’ll do that for you, baby.”

He’s a good man.

I came home, went out to the camper, climbed in my little twin bed and curled up under the covers for a nap.

That’s how I worked through a trauma trigger. It may not look like a home run because I didn’t pick up the puzzle and I didn’t take the truck in, but I assure you…progress does NOT mean perfection. God was with me every step of the way, reminding me how much stronger I am than I used to be. Mr. FixIt got to sit in a garage and shoot the bull with a whole mess of guys coming in and out. He got to go to his favorite little discount store and hang out for an hour talking with more people. He brought supper home and it was a good day.

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“fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”
Isaiah 41:10 ESV

Heart Melt and Car Repair

Fri, 29 Oct 2021 01:30:00 -0600

Awwwww, you guys! You went and made me cry! Did you read the comments the last couple of days? God is so good! He knew I needed a boost and there y’all were! I love writing these “letters from home” to you all. That’s what they feel like…newsy little missives from my heart to yours…letting you know what’s going on in this country girl’s life I get to live. Knowing I’m doing what I’m supposed to be doing…vanquishing the darkness back where it belongs, is a privilege I don’t take lightly. Sharing that with such supportive readers is more than any writer could ask for. Thank you…every single one of you!

So, yesterday morning I did what we all need to do every year…I went and got the tatas squished. I always schedule my mammogram in October…Breast Cancer Awareness Month. That way I can’t forget because it’s in the news a lot. I also had my appointment with my gynecologist in the afternoon. Just because we are older now, doesn’t mean we don’t need to still get checked from time to time. I had a total hysterectomy in 1994, I think it was. And still, I had some dysplasia (abnormal cells) a couple of years ago. And, I had a surgical biopsy on a breast lump around the same time. Cancer can still strike so it’s best to get checked. Your health care provider can advise you how often. I was pleased that nothing was wrong…up or down. Yay!

When I came out to the truck, i saw I’d missed a call from my good friend, Diane. I called back and we chatted for a while. When I started up the truck…the engine light came on! Wouldn’t you know it? Mr. FixIt is knee deep in redoing ALL the brakes on his truck and is currently waiting on parts so we don’t have an extra vehicle. Now, I’ve learned a lot from this man about vehicle maintenance and the importance of shopping around. I knew the first thing I needed to do was have someone hook up a reader to the computer in the truck and find out what code what triggered that made the check engine light come on.

I happened to be pretty close to a Ford dealer…not the one I normally frequent…but I figured they could hook up the scanner and check real quick. Well…he said he would have to schedule me back another time because they were booked and it would cost a $158 diagnostic fee. Once I picked myself back up off the floor, I looked at him in disbelief.

“I’m sorry…to plug a cord into an outlet and push a button???”

“Yes, ma’am.”

He was being polite.

“Ummmm…I don’t think so.”

I went to the auto parts store next door. He checked and gave me the code. I checked with engine-codes.com (clever name) and it directed me to the nearest place that could fix it. It turns out, this particular code can be triggered by a few different things so he suggested we reset it and if it comes back on, then we could fix it. Wouldn’t you know, I continued my shopping and soon, check engine light was back on.

I went to an auto parts store and was told the part was $285! Hokey smokes! I was polite.

“Ummmm…I don’t think so.”

I went to Advantage Auto and they had the original part in stock…$73! Bingo.

Then…the light went off! What??? *sigh* Ok…the oxygen sensor is bad and it won’t be long till it turns on and stays on. With Mr. FixIt’s truck out of commission for I don’t know how long, I’l going to go ahead and get the part fixed.

What is the moral of the story?

You really DON’T have to go to the dealership to get something fixed.

Shop around for your best price.

Always check through a search engine and YouTube videos to see how things are made and what to do when they’re broken. Educate yourself so when you talk to the nice man at the repair place, he can know you know what you’re talking about. There ARE still places that take advantage of women who are on their own and charge them exorbitant fees and do unnecessary work.

We just had an interaction last week at the RV service center when I had a couple of things that needed tweaked. The service man started in by talking over me and “man-splaining” stuff. My blood pressure started to rise. Mr. FixIt told me later he almost told the guy he’d better check himself because he had no idea who he was dealing with. But he could see I handled it fine on my own. He’s good that way…ready to be my wing man if I need him. Totally prepared to sit in the co-pilot’s seat if I don’t. We’re a good team.

So, that was my day…just squishin’ the tatas and gettin’ things done. There’s never a dull moment!

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“Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body.”
Proverbs 16:24 ESV

Looking Forward, Looking Back

Mon, 25 Oct 2021 01:30:00 -0600

Mr. FixIt and I went to town yesterday afternoon and had our Moderna booster shot. I didn’t realize till later that the booster for Moderna is a half shot. Some are questioning that…why only half? Will that keep me covered? Maybe I should get one of the others that’s a full dose? I considered all of these responses last night and came to a conclusion. I trusted science enough to tell me there is a covid vaccine and it is safe, that you still may get covid but it’s very likely not going to kill you, and the protection the vaccine affords you outweighs the small risk of a negative reaction.

Medicine is not an absolute science. Heck, it turns out not even physics is absolute. However, as we learn more, we grow with the knowledge, and we adapt to the changing information as it comes in. If the research has shown a half dose of Moderna offers adequate stimulus to the immune system to protect you…I trust that. If the information changes and they learn we need to take another booster sometime down the road…I trust that. The flu shot changes every year as the likely virus strain to come is projected. I trust that. Not blindly, but because the sheer amount of schooling and training these doctors, researchers, and scientists go through FAR outweighs my trust over what’s found in Facebook posts and conspiracy theories. I was married to a doctor for twenty years. I know exactly what they go through to learn and continue learning throughout their entire careers.

So, we got our boosters. (The dog was on a poster behind me. Looks pretty real, huh?) As I am writing this, my arm is a little sore. Small price to pay for increased protection. Will I continue wearing a mask in public places? Yes. Will I social distance? Yes. Will I practice good hand hygiene and not touch my face? Yes and Yes. Some will ask…What are you afraid of? Nothing…I’m being proactive and informed. If you’re going to continue doing all this stuff, why even bother having the vaccine? Because, I believe in science and I believe in vaccines. I have a little scar on my left upper arm that shows how smallpox was eradicated. I’ve had more vaccines than I can count. I remember when I had to fly military transport to come back to the States from England and I had to get about five or six hefty vaccines to do so. Holy cats…that was brutal. This is a walk in the park even if there’s just a chance of keeping me from being intubated and dying alone in an ICU somewhere.

You can sign up for the Covid-19 vaccine online at vaccines.gov and follow the directions. I understand the boosters are not available everywhere, but keep checking. And, if you haven’t had the initial series, please consider doing so. The massive amount of data gathered since the first shot went in an arm shows safety and efficacy. I know…it’s a personal choice. I appreciate that. I just pray for your wellness and love that you are here.

Now, for something on a lighter note. A friend of mine shared a link to a trip down memory lane. Remember the Sears Wishbooks and the Montgomery Ward and JCPenney holiday catalogs? Well, someone has digitized them and you can pull up a year from your childhood and look at the toys you were drooling over that season! How fun is that? So, here ya go…enjoy!!!

247 Vintage Christmas Wish Books and Retail Department Store Catalogs, featuring 209,424 catalog pages from Sears, Montgomery Ward and JCPenney over the years.

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“A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.”
Proverbs 17:22 ESV

Where Did the Year Go?

Sun, 24 Oct 2021 01:30:00 -0600

Our little bonus patch of volunteer petunias…teeny, tiny…hiding in the tub of African Lilies

Mr. FixIt and I were talking on the way home from camping Friday. It was grey and chilly…one of those misty October days that chills you to the bone. A day we weren’t entirely prepared for. I was looking around and noticing the beauty of the moment…the beautiful trees lining the highway with their flashy show of red, orange, and yellow…dulled by the spooky-dim light of late afternoon.

“Where did the year go? I swear…it was just gone. In a snap!”

“Some years are like that.”

Yeah…they are. And the older we get, the more “like that” they become.

We did a LOT this year. It started out with Covid vaccines. Then, my surgery in Florida. Interviews and published writing. The beach trip to the Outer Banks. New Carpet in the family room. Then the kids came from Colorado. Little stayed with us for two weeks. A couple camping trips. Doctor’s appointments. A new-to-us camper. A month long trip to Colorado. More camping. Specialists in Columbus. A quick trip to Beaver Falls. More camping. Another NEW camper. And MORE camping. Yeah…ok…that’s where the year went.

For the most part it’s been a ton of fun, except the surgery part. I’m still undergoing testing trying to find the missing parathyroid glands they couldn’t find in the first surgery. It’s looking like I’ll have to have a second surgery because my numbers are still elevated and I have the same symptoms. But, we can’t do the surgery till we figure out where these little suckers are hiding. Go figure.

I love this…a LONG stemmed rose (nearly a foot taller than me) wrapped with the morning glory

In the meantime, we hit the ground running yesterday. So much to get done because we’ve been out galavanting around instead of doing what needs to be done around here. I worked on winterizing the campers yesterday. I didn’t have enough RV Antifreeze to do both so I had to go on the hunt for some. I started cleaning out the little a-frame to prepare it for winter. I got it winterized. We need to bring the twin mattress back inside and get all the food items out of there and set out the mice repellant.

Mr. FixIt worked on the brakes on his truck all day. It was so chilly out there, we were both freezing when we called it quits for the day. I made our first pot of chili of the season. My chili never tastes the same from time to time because I rarely ever cook with a recipe. And, I like to put a little bit of bittersweet chocolate in my chili. It’s something I learned in Colorado. I think it really adds depth to the flavor. I use Lindt Bittersweet 70% Cacao. Just half a square. I eat the other half. It’s good for you!

I lost the battle over the furnace today. Poor Mr. FixIt was getting cramps in his hands because they were so cold, so the furnace is on for the season now. The bedroom window is still cracked open a couple of inches. It takes a LOT for me to give in on that one!

We are scheduled to get our Covid Booster Shot this afternoon. I wasn’t sure how to go about scheduling it, but my dear friend Diane set me on the right course and it is SO easy! Just go to vaccine.gov and select “Find Covid-19 Vaccines” and follow the directions. If you are 65 or over, you qualify for the booster. There are other conditions which qualify you, as well. The website will give you all the information you need. We’ve both had our flu shots. Now we’ll get our Covid boosters, keep wearing masks in public, practice social distancing, maintain good hand hygiene, and keep our hands away from our faces. We didn’t have so much as a sniffle since this all started. I am all about preventive medicine!

Stay healthy, my friends!

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“Beloved, I pray that all may go well with you and that you may be in good health, as it goes well with your soul.”
3 John 1:2 ESV

Time to Take a Break

Sat, 16 Oct 2021 01:30:00 -0600

My view out the camper window yesterday morning! We camped at Hocking Hills State Park!

The last few weeks have been a whirlwind. Trips to Columbus and back for scans. Camping. Anniversary. Cleaning out campers preparing for winter. We got home yesterday midday and I had to turn right around and run back into town for some errands that had to be done before the end of the week. When I got home, I wolfed down a salad and went out to help Mr. FixIt do a big job and got overheated. We neither one slept well on this camping trip…it was too hot, I think. So, I’m calling it a night and hoping I feel better in the morning. In the meantime, here’s a rerun about taking time to rest and do some self care. We all need that from time to time.

[www.marshmallowranch.com/take-a-li...](https://www.marshmallowranch.com/take-a-little-time/)

I got a note from Little yesterday. She made her very first batch of buttermilk biscuits with the biscuit making gear I bought her this summer in West Virginia. She did a great job and said they were light and fluffy and tasted great! I’m so proud! Then, when I got home and checked the mail…I received my copy of Miss Brenda Gantt’s first cookbook. Now I have something new to read on our trip!

Nice and smooth biscuits, ready to pop in the oven!

Look how pretty and golden brown! Great job, Little!!!

If you follow Cooking with Brenda Gantt on FB, you can find out how to order one of her cookbooks!

“Beloved, I pray that all may go well with you and that you may be in good health, as it goes well with your soul.”
3 John 1:2 ESV

The Baby in the Box

Mon, 11 Oct 2021 01:30:00 -0600

Back in the ‘90s, Middleton Dolls were all the rage in my hometown. The Middleton Doll Factory was in Belpre, right across the Ohio River from Parkersburg. Daughter #2 was little so every time we went home for a visit in the summer, we had to go over and pick out a new baby.

The dolls were very lifelike. The did sell some porcelain dolls, but most of their babies were a soft, velvety vinyl that felt lifelike. Their little bottoms were filled with plastic beads to give them some weight and they were dressed in real baby clothes. Some had eyes opened, most were sleeping. There were even babies with little tears on their cheeks. You picked out your baby in the nursery, right from a bassinet, and were given a birth certificate. The baby had a real newborn diaper on, and tucked into the back was a tiny New Testament…the designer’s way of spreading the Gospel.

I loved these babies. I was at the in between stage of my life. My oldest was married and lived on Long Island with no thoughts of babies in the near future. And my youngest was pretty much past the “snuggle on mom’s lap” stage. I was adamant that I was not going to rag at my older daughter to give me grandchildren till they were ready. But my arms felt empty. I was going through a rocky marriage that was slipping away from me and I just flat out felt sad.

This weekend, Daughter #1 texted and said she was going through a shed at her in-law’s house. There were boxes of things they put in there when they bought their house…seventeen years ago…and it was past time to get rid of stuff. She found two Middleton dolls and she wondered what she should do with them. One was well loved and went in the donate pile. The other was brand new, in the box.

Try as I might, I could not remember how she got those dolls…until she sent me a picture of the one in the box. I sat and stared at that picture, puzzling over it when, it all came back. I knew that someday, Daughter #1 and her sweet husband would have babies and I would have the grandchildren I longed for. So, on my next trip to Parkersburg, I went to the Middleton factory and picked out a baby that looked like it could be theirs.

When I got the baby back to Colorado, I put it on the top shelf in one of the closets. And, when my arms felt particularly empty and I longed to rock a tiny baby again, I would carefully take the box down, gently unwrap the tissue paper, and rock that little bundle…holding it close…remembering the feeling of holding my own babies…dreaming of the day I would hold the child of my child.

The day came when they broke the news. They were selling my son-in-law’s truck. When I asked why, they said, “Because it isn’t big enough for a car seat.” The gears turned. Their eyes sparkled. And I squealed with delight. I was so happy when they had a girl and the little blonde baby went to live at their house. When they moved into the new place, a bunch of things got stored in the shed at Ben and Sue’s. And that’s how a perfectly pristine baby in a box was found.

Memories are funny things as we get older. There was a large stretch in late ‘90s to the early ‘00s that I have very little memory of. I call those my Prozac years. I lost most of my late 30’s and early 40’s to depression and drugs and alcohol. I had grief brain after losing Mr. Virgo. Then, in 2017 I had a bad car accident and had a subdural hematoma. That wiped out much of the first couple of years I was dating Mr. FixIt. He still asks me if I remember dining here or going there and maybe I have a tiny memory…like looking at a photo. Or, maybe I have no memory of it at all. And now, hyperparathyroidism messes with my memory. Add aging and well, let’s just say I have a very patient husband. And a blog with lots and lots of stories I can go back and read to remind me if I forget.

“But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, he will teach you all things and bring to your remembrance all that I have said to you.”
John 14:26 ESV

Insights and Accolades

Sun, 10 Oct 2021 01:30:00 -0600

I love how the stop action in this shot froze the raindrops in the sunshine. It looks like glitter!

I told you yesterday about going up to Pennsylvania to sit with my besty Gail. You were so kind to say what a good friend I am…and I appreciate that. I love Gail to the moon and back. I love all my besties to the moon and back. But I can’t always pull off what I did Friday.

A dear friend asked me a couple years ago to take her to her appointment and sit with her while she got a transfusion. Another friend asked me if I could drive her to Columbus to an eye specialist. I couldn’t do either one and it had absolutely nothing to do with how much I love them. It had everything to do with my anxiety disorder and the feeling of being out of control. The very thought of going filled me with waves of anxiety, fear, and nausea.

Having PTSD on top of an anxiety disorder certainly doesn’t help matters. So all of this has been made worse by losing Mr. Virgo. Yep…it’s been over eight years since I sat and watched him die. Nope, I’m not “over it”. You don’t ever get over it…you manage to get through it. You manage to get distance and figure out how to keep from falling off the edge. But, over it? Not so much.

Does this mean I don’t love the friends I couldn’t help as much as those I did? Heck no. The difference was, I woke up Friday morning and I made the decision to go. No one expected anything of me. No one demanded anything of me. No one asked anything of me. I was in control of the decision so it was easier for me to go.

I hate letting people down…so I avoid situations in which there is the chance of disappointing someone. There is some research being done in England on Pathological Demand Avoidance. It is a rare little spot on the autism spectrum and it’s getting some attention. When I first read about it, it not only made so much sense to me surrounding my own behaviors, but it also described Daughter #2 as well.

When someone asks something of someone with PDA, they will jump through hoops to avoid it because of the severe anxiety it produces. They make excuses, they roll play when they can’t get out of it, they avoid situations where they feel out of control. I know I’ve hurt my friends’ feelings in the past and I hate that. I think the ones who really love me have understood when I explain, but I hate that I have to. The key is to be honest and explain yourself to them. And pray they understand.

I’m better in general than I used to be. I attribute a lot of that to healing and prayer and remembering I can to all things through Christ who strengthens me. Still, there are times when I have to say no. It makes me look like an untrustworthy friend. And I hate that the most. I think the thing I want you to take away from this is…

If you ask something of someone and they cannot do it…please don’t automatically assume they are selfish or they don’t feel for you the same as you feel for them. Please don’t think they have something better to do or they don’t want to help you. We cannot know what is going on in another person’s mind…the way they see life…the way they deal with trauma and surprises and emergencies. I think my really good friends understand me…and they love me in spite of myself.

I just try to do my best and be the best person I can be. The rest I leave up to God to help me through.

“Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another.”
Ephesians 4:25 ESV

It’s That Time of Year!

Tue, 05 Oct 2021 01:14:00 -0600

Mr. FixIt and I went to town yesterday. We had a lot of errands to run. While we were in Sam’s, an announcement came overhead. There was no waiting for flu shots in the pharmacy. We’ve said for the last week that we needed to get that done so no time like the present. We finished up our shopping and went for the jab.

We are “of a certain age”, so we get the high dose vaccine. I think last year was the first time I had the high dose version. And, I have to say…it did kinda kick my butt for a couple of days. My arm was sore by nightfall, but…it’s something I believe in, so I’m willing to put up with the minor inconvenience of a couple achy days.

I’ve been getting vaccinations all my life, beginning with the polio vaccine. The downside of flu vaccines is…no one, including the scientists, knows exactly what strain of influenza is going to raise its ugly head in the fall. It changes every year. That is the thing about science. It’s not finished. We are always learning more and the key is to grow with that change.

I have faith in medical research…my last job was in clinical pharmaceutical research. I have a good understanding of what goes into that. That’s why I’ve always trusted the new covid vaccine. My cousin Val said it best. “Covid is a form of SARS, and SARS vaccines have been in development for ~20 years. Basically, they tweaked a known safe vaccine for this particular variant, much the same way they tweak flu vaccines.”

I am anxiously awaiting the Covid booster. We will probably need to have boosters annually…just like the flu shots. And, I will be in the front of any line to get mine. I want my life back. I think we all do. We were thrilled when we didn’t get as much as a sniffle last winter, I am sure that is a reflection of increased hygiene, wearing masks, keeping our hands away from our faces, and social distancing. I was telling someone the other day…we will continue wearing masks and following CDC Guidelines, even after this crisis is over. It just makes good sense to be proactive and practice prevention.

Get plenty of sleep. Eat right. Stay hydrated. Exercise. Practice good hygiene. Pray or meditate. Spend time in nature. Love and be loved…it’s good for what ails ya!

“So we can confidently say, “The Lord is my helper; I will not fear; what can man do to me?””
Hebrews 13:6 ESV

The Call of the Wild

Tue, 28 Sep 2021 01:30:00 -0600

Ever since I downloaded the birding app…Merlin, from the Cornell Lab…my ears perk up when I hear a bird. I’m beginning to notice if it’s a call I haven’t heard before. We are in the midst of a massive display of birds as they migrate south for the winter. The chances of hearing a new one is pretty big right now.

As I prepared to write my post last night, I caught the call of an unfamiliar bird. It was rapidly getting dark out and this bird was very close in our forsythia and flowering quince thicket outside our bedroom window. I quickly pulled out my phone and recorded the bird’s call and the app identified it as a Swainson’s Thrush. I did not set eyes on the bird itself, but so far this app has been really accurate in identifying bird calls.

When my youngest went off to kindergarten and I was walking in Glenwood Canyon every day for exercise, I took a geology class to give me something to look for and explore as I walked. It passed the time, I learned new things, and it gave me a greater understanding and appreciation for my surroundings. That’s the way this app is for me. I am a lifelong learner. Any time I can learn new things, I’m a happy camper.

We left yesterday morning at 7:30 to go to Columbus for my parathyroid scan. They’re still trying to find the two that went AWOL during surgery. It was a very long day. A Sestamibi scan isn’t hard to do. They give you an injection of a nuclear isotope, then they wait fifteen minutes and do the first scan. The first scan takes about ten minutes to do. The hardest part is laying very still after they tell you NOT to move! My ankle itched. My elbow hurt. I had a hair tickling my nose. But I did not move.

An hour later, they do the second scan. This time with a CT machine. That one takes twenty-five minutes. I made the time pass by counting to sixty twenty-five times. I didn’t make it…I kept falling asleep. The third and final scan is just like the first one…ten minutes of laying perfectly still. They handed me a card with my name and the name and amount of the radioactive isotope they gave me. The technician told me if I have to go through an airport scanner, I would set it off and to show TSA the card. Cool! Now I want to make reservations and fly somewhere before it leaves my body in three days!

The Nuclear Medicine tech was the nicest guy. His name was Mike. We made small talk. Somehow, Marshmallow Ranch came up…I mean, when DOESN’T it come up, right? Anyway, mike says when the kids are all grown and off on their own (they have SIX!), his wife is all about getting an RV and cruising the country full time. He said he was the one unconvinced. I gave him some sage advice…have his wife join Girl Camper and listen to the podcasts and learn all things camping and try it out for a year or two before committing to the whole enchilada.

I don’t regret the way my story unfolded, but maybe I should have held onto my Colorado house and leased it out or used it as an AirB&B. But, then again…if I had, I may not have ended up dating Mr. FixIt at all. And that would be tragic to have missed all the fun and love we have together. By the third scan, Mike informed me he’d had lunch with his wife and she was going to look up Marshmallow Ranch. So, Mrs. Mike…if you’re here, welcome to this wild ride. As my Mr. FixIt says… “There’s always an adventure with Ginny McKinney!”

“Heal me, Lord, and I will be healed; save me and I will be saved, for you are the one I praise.”
Jeremiah 17:14 NIV

Fixing Birdie’s Blinker

Sun, 05 Sep 2021 01:30:00 -0600

When I was backing into our campsite at Lake McConaughy the other night, Mr. FixIt called out to me to say the driver’s side brake light was out on the camper. That means no turn signal, or flashers, or brake light on that side. Not good when you’re traveling with a camper. The guy behind you needs to know where you’re going. We stopped on the way out of Ogallala to get a new bulb, but we had to duct tape the red plastic lens on because the little clip that held it on was broken. That worked fine till we could fix it properly.

We sleep out in the camper when we visit people as long as it’s not too hot. We can turn the AC on if we have to, but we prefer not to if we can help it. I like that because we aren’t in anyone’s way, we can stay up and talk, and sleep in. Given the two hour time difference between Colorado and West Virginia, we try to stay on our same schedule as much as possible. It makes it easier to adjust when you go back home. And, when you are a guest for an extended stay, it helps to not be under foot. Even though we are as much family here as anything else, Ben Franklin is the one who said, “Fish and houseguests begin to smell after three days.”

My son-in-law’s brother and his family arrived yesterday morning with breakfast burritos from Luna’s…our favorite neighborhood Mexican restaurant down the road. We had a lovely visit and when they left, Mr. FixIt and I went to Gander RV to buy the replacement light to fix Birdie’s broken blinker. We visited with the family most of the afternoon. The guys went to get Popeye’s chicken sandwiches for lunch. Mr. FixIt watched the last half of the WVU game and I stretched out for a little snooze.

When the sun dipped low in the west, Mr. FixIt and Ben went out to turn the water on in the irrigation ditches then they replaced the broken tail light. By then it was time for pie. We do love to eat! Around 9:00, the guys walked back up to turn off the water in the ditch and that was the end of our first full day of vacation.

We did get some good news yesterday. Daughter #2 was upset the day we arrived because she found out her boss has covid and she wasn’t feeling terrific. She went to get tested yesterday and it was negative, thank God! We were so worried for her because, even though she is fully vaccinated, she has asthma so we sure didn’t want her to get this terrible virus. AND, besides that…we haven’t seen each other since their wedding in August 2019! It would have been a double tragedy to not get to hug my baby because of covid!!!

So, I get to see my Moon Pie today!!! I cannot wait to squeeze her tight!!! Tell everyone you love them, people. Time is a commodity we cannot afford to waste!

“yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes.”

James 4:14 ESV

Listen to Your Body

Sun, 15 Aug 2021 01:30:00 -0600

I abused my body for many years…eating poorly, yo-yo dieting, abusing substances, over-exercising. It’s coming home to roost, I’m afraid. I don’t know what triggered the hyperparathyroidism…genetics, lifestyle, environmental factors? Add that to simply aging and I have a few more difficult days than I used to.

Anyone over the age of say…60 knows things don’t work exactly like they used to. There are aches and pains in places where they never were before. It can be really frustrating when things don’t work like they did before. My friend Diane shared a picture of the two of us at our 45th High School Reunion that was held five years ago this weekend. She looks exactly the same. I have aged like crazy.

I’ve turned back the hands of time before through diet and exercise. I’m not sure if I can do it again, but I’m bound and determined to try. I remember heading into that reunion, I was in great shape. I was on my “clean and green” diet. I was walking nearly every day. I recorded my progress here on the blog. And, I was absolutely sure I would never let myself go again. I was sure I would keep the weight off.

The first thing that happened is, I got happy. Early this winter it will be five years since Mr. FixIt called me and asked me out to lunch. It didn’t take too many dates till we decided this was worth putting some time into and we soon became inseparable. And happy. And got married. And I put on weight that winter. I was tickled to death to sit in the house by the fire and knit and write and before I knew it, the jeans were replaced by leggings.

Then, Mr. FixIt had a stroke…with another one a couple months later. Then…the pandemic hit hard and we were in the house again…not by choice. Like so many others, I turned to my kitchen for comfort. I thought myself how to bake sourdough bread. I baked and baked and we ate and ate. I canned. I dehydrated. And ate and ate and ate some more. Now I weigh as much as I did when I delivered my children. My body is talking to me. It’s telling me to take better care of it…NOW!

Now, I know you can be a bigger girl and still be healthy, but I’m not. I’m slipping here and I don’t like it. I don’t think diet and exercise can reverse hyperparathyroidism, but I’m going to do my best to try to at least improve my health. It’s just so easy to put it on and not as easy to take off. Especially as you get older.

We ate light yesterday, and our evening snack was watermelon. I bought another one of those “cannonball” melons, but this one wasn’t quite as sweet as the one I bought last week. I think I’ll go back to the original produce stand (Witten’s) and get another of the really good ones and save it for our trip. I thought I’d show you an easy way to cut watermelon and get evenly sized pieces. I cut the stem and blossom ends off to create a flat surface. Then quarter the melon, and slice each quarter into one inch slices. It’s so much easier to handle that way.

I woke up yesterday at 4:00 and couldn’t get back to sleep because of a heavy thunderstorm. I was sleeping in the camper and…wow! If you’ve never experienced a West Virginia thunder and lightning show in a tin box, you really should. It’s pretty darned impressive. The day was hot in the afternoon…85 degrees for a little while. But, the rains broke that terrible heat and humidity we had last week and as I was writing this in the camper at 9:00 last night, the temperature was a very comfortable 74.

I took my evening walkabout and snapped some pictures. I caught a picture of a praying mantis near the camper. There was a bee enjoying a passion flower. And the flower on our Star of Bethlehem (or bush lily) is opening more blossoms. As I headed out to the camper to write in my “happy place”, the sunset was a beautiful, bright salmon color so I dropped everything to catch the loveliness before it was gone.

God paints landscape portraits every day of the year and then dims the lights on the exhibit every evening. How much of it do we take for granted without even looking? How much do we really “see”? How often to we stop and thank God for all the beauty around us? It is so easy to get sucked into every ugly news cycle and miss living the lives God wants for us. I’m making a commitment to engage more with relationships and nature and less the technology and distractions. I know I’ll be a happier camper!

“Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.”
1 Corinthians 6:19-20 ESV

I Can’t Just Scroll on By

Mon, 09 Aug 2021 01:30:00 -0600

To my friends who refuse a vaccine and want me to scroll on by and shrug my shoulders:

Let’s say I see a friend whom I love, texting on a railroad track, and a train is hurtling toward her. People have told her the train is coming but she thinks maybe trains aren’t real. She’s reading her FB posts and telling people it’s ok to stand on railroad tracks. She’s never been hit by the train before. And besides, she’s heard you don’t get hurt too bad when the train hits you anyway. And, by God, it’s my Constitutional right to stand on this track and get splattered like a watermelon. I should just mind my own business.

Some really smart people have developed a way to keep the train from hitting people, or at least not killing them, but…it involves her doing something first. She read that this “fix” is worse than getting hit by a train. It’s not safe. Standing in front of the train feels safer. She refuses the fix…for all kinds of reasons of her own that many don’t understand.

It’s really hard to stand and watch someone you love get hit by a train. I imagine it’s pretty gruesome. But, let me tell you, my friends, if I see you standing on a train track with your nose on your screen and a train is coming, I’m not going to “scroll on by.” That’s depraved indifference. I’m going to try to help you and get you out of the way of the very real possibility of death, or lifelong damage. It’s how I’m made. Besides, when you DO get hit by the train…and it IS coming…it’s not just you it affects. It’s all of us.

I know this is your railroad track, but it’s the devil’s train, and I won’t stop telling people about the danger.

“Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.”
‭‭Philippians‬ ‭2:4‬ ‭ESV‬‬

A Matter of Self Care: An Open Letter to Simone Biles

Sat, 07 Aug 2021 01:30:00 -0600

Dear Miss Simone,

I haven’t really watched the Olympics much, but I’ve kept up with the major stories. Our family’s biggest interest is the swimming events since my older grandchild has been on swim team practically since she could write her name. She had hopes of going to the 2020 Olympics, but when push comes to shove in any sport, you athletes know early on what level you are likely to perform at. My granddaughter knew she was a healthy competitor, but she also knew she was a college level swimmer…not an Olympian. So, when it came time to choose…competitive or athletic, she chose athletic. Her reasoning was…she wanted to have a life and enjoy growing up. I think she made a wise choice. She is mentally and physically healthy, she excels at academics, swimming is still fun and great exercise, and…colleges are contacting her to apply. There’s nothing wrong with that.

As I watched the drama unfold surrounding your struggles in Tokyo, my heart ached for you. You climbed the ladder the hard way. You worked hard. You were focused and determined. You were built to do what you do. And, when your mind played tricks on you and you chose to protect it, there were actually people calling you a “quitter” and “an embarrassment to our country”. I was shocked, but not surprised.

We live in a culture where the word “woke” has been given an ugly connotation. Maya Angelou said, “I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better.” That, my friend, is all “woke” really is. It’s being twisted to represent this or that…but the bottom line is, it is awareness. In the past, there are myriad examples of Olympians pushed beyond their limits, receiving life altering and career ending injuries. I mean, look at how few Olympians there are compared to the number of people who try to get there. The pressure put on these mostly young people is abysmal. The pressure you put on yourselves is tragic.

Yes, I know…some will blame it on “every participant gets a trophy”. Or “kids these days are too soft”. I’d dare anyone to say you, or the hundreds of premier athletes like you, are soft. The skills you perform are seriously life threatening. You had a case of the “twisties”…something gymnasts know all about. It comes when, for whatever reason, your mind and body disconnect and you lose your spatial awareness. You don’t know where you are in your spins and rolls and flips. When that happens, a gymnast is in terrible danger. The accident that could have occurred had you continued could not only have ended your career…it could have ended your life.

How fair is it of us “armchair athletes” to say what’s going on in another person’s mind? If you, or any other gymnast, would have landed wrong and broke your ankle, for instance, and had to pull out of events…are you “soft”? No! The only difference between a mental injury and a physical injury is…NO ONE CAN SEE IT. I understand the struggle between trying to do something I’m not capable of in the moment and the expectations of others that I SHOULD be able to. I don’t feel “seen” or “understood” or “validated”. I feel “judged” and “weak” and “inferior”. And I’m not on a world stage…not in any way near what a world class athlete is.

As a fellow human being with struggles of my own, and as a mom of a wonderful human being who struggles in their own way, my heart goes out to you, Simone…and the hundreds of people like you who have to make a choice…protect your mental health, or risk disappointing others. I’ll choose disappointing others any day of the week after what I’ve been through and what I’ve learned from the experience. Life is far too short, dear one. All you wonderfully talented athletes don’t “owe” me anything but honesty and good character and the wisdom to know when to say, “I can’t do this.”

It’s really ok to not be ok sometimes.

I’m proud of you, Miss Simone. As proud as I can be without actually being your mom. You are SO much more than your craft.

“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.”
Jeremiah 29:11 ESV

Another Day…Another Doctor

Thu, 05 Aug 2021 01:30:00 -0600

I told Mr. FixIt yesterday…we are at “that age” now. When you have WAY more doctor’s appointments than you’ve ever had in your life. It makes me crazy. I wish we could sync everything and get all of our appointments out of the way in one week then we could go a long stretch without another one. But, unfortunately, that’s rarely how it works out when you are dealing with two people with different diagnoses.

I had an appointment a couple of weeks ago with a new endocrinologist. I am still dealing with the hyperparathyroidism that led me to have surgery in Florida in March. If you were following along at the time, I had an adenoma (and the parathyroid gland it was attached to) removed from my neck. The surgeon was only able to visualize the top two glands. The bottom two are somewhere in my chest imbedded in my thymus gland. That would be fine if my parathyroid hormone and calcium levels were normal. But, they aren’t. They’re elevated and that indicates I have at least one, if not more, adenomas.

Hyperparathyroidism is an invisible disease…except on paper, and in your body. The person suffering from it surely knows they have it by the symptoms. Diffuse, migrating pain. Hair loss. Extremely grouchy mood. Insomnia. Muscle cramps. Acid reflux and indigestion. Nausea and vomiting. Skin problems…itching, rashes, dry, cracked, peeling. Heart palpitations. Calcification of the arteries. Loss of bone density. Terrible brain fog. The list goes on and on.

If left unresolved, it can cut years off your life. Dana Delany, Garry Shandling, and Jamie Foxx all had hyperparathyroidism. It is actually among the most frequent endocrine diagnoses. I was so disappointed that the surgery was only partially successful. I made the decision not to go back down to Florida to the Norman Parathyroid Center. That’s a long way to go for testing and appointments when I can go to The Ohio State University. My appointment with a new endocrinologist surgeon is today, so I would love it if you could send some prayers and good thoughts…not only for safe travel there and back, but for a skilled and confident surgeon who can take care of business fairly locally.

I remember calling my mom years ago and every conversation was about her and my brother’s most recent trip to the doctor, what was wrong with them, and what medicine they’re now taking. I used to get so weary and frustrated that all she talked about was what was wrong. Now…now I have a lot more empathy for what she was going through and wish I would have been a bit more patient and insightful with her. Water under the bridge…however, I try not to vent my spleen every time I talk to my kids.

In the meantime…girls, it’s tomato season here in West Virginia. We stopped at my favorite greenhouse last night and bought four big, juicy tomatoes…fresh off the vine. We had tomato and mayo sandwiches (with a thin slice of ham on them) for supper last night. Oh, my…that’s heaven right there! I hope you are enjoying this first week of August as much as we are. I’m ready for another camping trip!

“But when he heard it, he said, “Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick.”
Matthew 9:12 ESV

Take Five

Wed, 14 Jul 2021 01:30:00 -0600

Another Day Done

I’m not ashamed to say, I didn’t do diddly squat yesterday! Well, i went to town to get my blood drawn, met up with Mr. FixIt, grabbed some lunch in the rain, took some squash from the garden over to the former Mrs. FixIt’s house and sat on her front porch for awhile to watch the rain some more. We went home. I took a nap. Then I surfed the internet. Do I buy a smaller camper this truck can easily tow? Do I buy a stronger truck with less miles and keep the camper I have? Do we fly to Colorado in September? Or do we drive? My older truck with over 100K miles on it? Or rent a car? If we drive, do I take a camper? If so…see earlier musings on camper and truck.

Decisions, decisions. And the most delicious thing is…I didn’t have to make any!

Little and gang have stopped for their second night on the road. They will get home tomorrow. I am so happy they didn’t try to just drive straight through. My daughter is slowly realizing each decade lived presents a slight decrease in what you can accomplish in one day. I will definitely breathe a huge sigh of relief when they arrive home safely. Then I can turn my attention to the next big trip. Once I get it planned, we can work on the next big project.

I love that there is always something to do!

There’s never a dull moment!

“It is in vain that you rise up early and go late to rest, eating the bread of anxious toil; for he gives to his beloved sleep.”
Psalm 127:2 ESV

Don’t Touch the Pretty Caterpillar

Thu, 01 Jul 2021 01:30:00 -0600

Happy July!

When I was a little kid, I was playing in the Guthrie’s back yard. Our ball went into a shrub and I reached in to get it. I pulled my hand out in a hurry because it felt like something burned me. My clearest memory of that incident was how puffy the back of my hand got. And it hurt. It lasted for a few days and went away. I remember being told I probably got stung by a caterpillar, but I don’t recall seeing one.

This little bugger got me on Monday afternoon and it’s such an annoying itchy mess on my neck. I didn’t know about the little hairs sticking in your skin just like the soft, downy “hairs” on some forms of cacti. I didn’t know you need to take a piece of sticky tape and pluck the little hairs out of your skin. The caterpillar landed between my collar and my skin and when my granddaughter told me it was there, I reached up and felt around which ended up pressing the hairs not only into my skin, but into the fabric of my collar. I wore the shirt for another two hours and every time I turned my head, I was poking myself over and over with more of those little barbs.

The particular caterpillar involved was most likely a Definite-marked Tussock Moth Caterpillar. This picture looks the closest to what I remember it looking like. I wish I would have thought to take a photo. Within an hour, the site started burning and itching a little. It was about as big around as a quarter. Tuesday there was definite spread and little red bumps. Yesterday, it was really red and there were definite hives. I did some searching online and there wasn’t any one remedy. It said to try over the counter steroid creams, or Benadryl cream. It said to wash the area and use the tape to remove the hairs. It suggested using cold compresses. It definitely said not to scratch the site. Yeah, right. I read that too late!

I downloaded the app from the Poison Control Centers last night, entered all the information I had, and was told what I am experiencing is normal and I don’t need to go to the ER. It said it was ok to use both the topical Benadryl cream as well as oral for a short period. Cold compresses would soothe the area. And stop scratching. It said it can take up to four days to resolve. As I write this, I’m at about 54 hours. I truly believe this was the worst of it and it’s going to start getting better now.. But I’ll tell you what, I’ll be on the lookout for hairy caterpillars and stay as far away from them as I can!

We went to the farm yesterday to mow. It started sprinkling on us as soon as i got off the riding mower. We headed home, put everything away, and the moment we walked in the door, the sky opened up and it poured the rain down, but it didn’t last long. We had several quick thunderstorms zip through but no real rain to speak of. We did have severe rains and flash flood warnings last night, so we’ll see what happened once the sun comes up today.

We drove to town late in the afternoon to buy a big tarp to put over my little ‘67 Franklin. The old one ripped apart in less than a month’s time. We got it covered just as the rain hit at home. We had ice cream for a treat, and that was the end of the day. Little enjoyed just hanging out in her room much of the day. Down time is important for a kid. Today, we need to walk for exercise. Then this afternoon we meet Frank & Beans at the farm for a run-through of how things work.

There’s always a story, isn’t there?

“The prudent sees danger and hides himself, but the simple go on and suffer for it.”
Proverbs 22:3 ESV

The Year That Time Stood Still

Thu, 10 Jun 2021 01:30:00 -0600

Sometimes, when life gives you hard things, you put your head down and keep pushing forward in order to survive. Even now, you take stock of all that’s happening around you, it’s easy to feel WAY out of control. And there’s nothing worse than that runaway train feeling. You can’t defend yourself from an enemy you cannot see. It’s downright scary.

When Mr. FixIt had his first stroke in February 2020, we sat together in his room and watched the news. They were talking about a disease that seemed to be spreading overseas and could very well come to the United States. We were already dealing with one emergency with uncertain consequences. Now they’re talking about a pandemic, too? We were too numb to really “get it”.

We went home and started the healing process. Then, six weeks later, there was a stroke on the other side AND we were in a full-blown pandemic. We were beyond numb. We were obviously extremely grateful the strokes weren’t any worse. We knew they certainly could have been. But we didn’t know if there would be a third on the horizon. And, would it be “the big one”. These were things we definitely didn’t talk about...but we both worried about, nonetheless.

Our lives became centered around physical therapy, follow up medical visits, and endless television coverage. Not only the pandemic, but now the election. We were so overwhelmed, we didn’t know what to think. We just did the best we could and put one foot in front of the other.

This year is different. We survived the election. We survived the worst of the pandemic. We got vaccinated. And we got through the year that time stood still. Hindsight is 20/20, and Mr. FixIt and I have frequent conversations...processing what we went through in the last year and how we handled it. Sometimes you don’t know how bad things were till you get past them and look back. We were pretty much a hot mess last year. This year is much, much better.

Mr. FixIt has his strength back. We are getting life back to normal here at Marshmallow Ranch. We are picking up the pieces of the last year and working on the projects we were right in the middle of when the first stroke hit. It is so stressful to feel like you’re waiting for the other shoe to drop. Now, with a little time and distance, and good medications, and the reassurance of our physicians...we’re beginning to trust that we’re ok and and we can move forward and continue this beautiful life we’ve been building.

We are filled with love and gratitude...hope and faith.

We can breathe again.

“Beloved, I pray that all may go well with you and that you may be in good health, as it goes well with your soul.”
3 John 1:2 ESV

When Life Smacks You

Wed, 09 Jun 2021 01:30:00 -0600

Yesterday was just an ordinary day here on Marshmallow Ranch...aka the Ponderosa. We puttered around the house. Mr. FixIt worked on the drywall in the small bathroom we’ve been refinishing. We’ve been working on it for ages but other things, like strokes and covid and stuff kept pushing it to the back burner. But now, I am so grateful to say...Mr. FixIt is SO much better. He’s stronger and more himself and I’m thrilled he feels well. A job is just a job. Getting him well and happy and healthy was our first priority.

I put things away and organized my electronics and I’m almost finished with the office. I was just finishing putting a variety of cables, cameras, and recording equipment in a carry bag when I heard one of my bonus granddaughters out in the yard. She and her dad came for a visit so we took a break and sat out by the pool to talk. She told us all about her latest softball tournament and how hot it was out on the field. It was so nice to see them.

When they left, we went back to work. We used the clippers to trim back the forsythia along one side of the yard. It is absolutely amazing to me how fast things grow here. We worked till it was just too hot at 88 degrees to keep going then we stopped for lunch. Most afternoons, we stretch out for a bit during the hottest part of the day and have a little siesta, then pick up where we left off. This time, we drove into town to pick up some things then get an ice cream and sit at the park to watch the river.

By the time we got home, the sky was getting dark and we had a really good rain with some lightning and thunder. We’ve needed the moisture terribly so we were happy to have it. We sat down to watch America’s Got Talent. I really enjoy it because it reminds me of growing up watching Ted Mack’s Amateur Hour and the Ed Sullivan Show. But, it was the last act of the night that had me gob-smacked.

A tiny little wisp of a thing from Zanesville, Ohio came on to sing an original song. When asked what she does for a living, she revealed she’d been dealing with cancer over the last few years so she hadn’t worked. I know there are people who come on these shows and you think they’re just using them for ratings and sympathy. But this little gal was different. She was special. Her whole heart was open and real and authentic. She stepped to the microphone, opened her mouth, and out came the music of heaven....at least as I would imagine it to be.

She sang a song that was raw and real and told of her fight and that...it’s ok to not be ok. It’s alright. When she finished, you could have heard a pin drop till the audience finally jumped to their feed and gave her a well deserved standing ovation. Each judge spoke of how fearless she seemed and when it got to Simon, it was obvious she had really touched him. When he remarked how happy she was, she said something that I had to write down. I asked Mr. FixIt to rewind so I could be sure to get it right. She said:

“You can’t wait until life isn’t hard anymore before you decide to be happy.”
Nightbirde

That really hit me. I’ve dealt with depression and anxiety all of my life. Moments like these are the tools I keep in my tool box for when I feel I’m struggling. I mean, this sweet, young woman with the closely cropped hair still has cancer in her lungs, her spine, and her liver. She revealed she only has a 2% chance of survival. But she looked into the camera and said, “You know? It’s not 0%...it’s 2 whole percent. I just wish people could understand how special that is.”

Sometimes life smacks you a little and says, “Wake up, kid! Look around you!” I’m so grateful I got to see little “Nightbirde” sing. You can watch HERE.

“Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.”
2 Corinthians 4:16-18 NIV

When We Get Spoiled

Thu, 15 Apr 2021 01:30:00 -0600

It isn’t normal to have temperatures in the 70’s and 80’s this early in the year in West Virginia, but when they go back to normal...we whine. Well, I whine, anyway. We are now back to much more seasonable temperatures here and with the rain, it feels a bit more like fall than spring.

We are preparing for our beach vacation to our timeshare on the Outer Banks. And, like any good Girl Scout, I’ve been watching the weather predictions for North Carolina. Every time we’ve been there together, there has been maybe one or two days out of the week that are a little cool with a little rain. This time, the highest temperature predicted is 68 on Friday. *sigh*

When you’re planning a trip and you are unsure of the weather, you inevitably end up taking a lot more clothes than you expect to take. We have laundry facilities in our condo, so we really don’t have to take much, but I always end up with enough for a six month stay. I am absolutely determined to pare down the amount of stuff we tote with us.

Food will be easier to deal with this time because we feel more comfortable going to the grocery store. Being fully vaccinated and wearing double masks and gloves, we should be perfectly safe shopping for food down there. Everything we take down has to be hauled up to the second floor, so it will behoove us to pack lightly.

In preparation, we ran the snake down the drain at the bottom of the back stairs and it went right through. I think if we do that every other month or so and keep it cleared out, we shouldn’t have any more trouble with it backing up. I was really happy about that. It means a bit more freedom for us to get out of Dodge more often.

Honestly, it’s hard to believe it’s the middle of April already! I was hoping to have my camper down to the dealership to get repaired long before this, but it just hasn’t worked out. I’m really, REALLY ready to go camping! As soon as we get back and the weather is good, that’s the next thing on the list. I do have a camping trip planned for next month and I can’t wait!!!

Things have gotten pretty much back to normal here since Mr. FixIt’s strokes last year...thank God! I count my blessings that it wasn’t any worse for him and his stamina is nearly back to where he was before. He can’t climb ladders anymore, and he has a little trouble with his fine motor skills in his hands...especially the left. But, if that’s the worst thing, we can handle it!

God is so good to us!

“I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.””
John 16:33 ESV

Getting Back In the Out

Tue, 13 Apr 2021 01:30:00 -0600

We’ve talked a little bit here about the apprehension some people are having surrounding re-entry....getting back out into the world after a year of Covid. Now is not the time to totally let down our guard, even if we’ve been fully vaccinated. There are variants of the Covid virus out there that may bomb right through our newfound immunity. And, the vaccines are 95% effective. They’ll more than likely keep you from being hospitalized with a severe case, but you could still carry the vaccine to someone who is not vaccinated or is immunocompromised.

That’s not the main problem, though. It’s more disconcerting to actually GO OUT simply because we’ve been IN. I’m am a solid ambivert. I love people, and I can be engaged and outgoing and fun at a party. AND...I need my alone time to recharge, I get anxious before social gatherings, and I have to weigh every decision heavily before I commit. There was a time, way back when I was first married to my second husband, that I actually became agoraphobic. I could go to work, come home, and go to the grocery store...but anything else became extremely uncomfortable and fear inducing.

I got over it that time by reading a lot about it and following some recommendations...namely practicing desensitization. I forced myself to go do things that were out of my comfort zone until I worked my way up to spending a long weekend alone in a small cabin up in the mountains of Colorado. That was HUGE for me at the time. The winter of 2019-20 was really busy for me because that’s the year I had the Girl Camper Raffle Trailer and I was out and about all season. Then...Covid hit and I didn’t travel anywhere for months at a time.

I found myself becoming fearful again of getting out on my own and I can’t have that. It doesn’t mesh with my lifestyle and it certainly doesn’t make me very happy to feel anxiety when I go to do something I know I’ve done a hundred times before. Taking a cue from the past, I’ve set out to doing things on my own a bit and yesterday was my first long outing in quite some time. I had a doctor’s appointment in the afternoon, then I took myself shopping and ran errands and had some lunch. I had a wonderful time and felt so much better when I got home.

As I was driving around, I received a phone call from my dermatologist’s office. She removed a spot on my chest on 4/1 and they just received the pathology report. It was a place she’s frozen twice but it keeps coming back, and I swear...if it didn’t sit right where my seatbelt rubs, I probably would have let it go. In the end, we decided it was probably best to take it off and it’s a good thing. It turned out to be a squamous cell carcinoma. Skin cancer. The good news is, the pathologist said the margins were all clear meaning she got it all. She offered to have me come in and take some more just for good measure or we can just watch it heal and see how it looks. I elected to wait and watch.

I was a sun worshiping fool. I’ve always been fair skinned and I was a devoted tanning bed user in my 30’s. I had to have a little color, right? Well, I’ve had melanoma and now squamous cell...the damage is done, but sunscreen is an absolute necessity. No negotiations there. It’s really hard to make younger women understand the real dangers of tanning beds and I think they should be outlawed...at least for younger women. Please be safe out there, cover up, and wear sunscreen. Someday, you’ll be glad you did!

“Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.””
Deuteronomy 31:6 ESV

It’s Always Something...

Tue, 23 Mar 2021 01:30:00 -0600

Bee Balm in the Sunshine

If it’s not one thing, it’s another. Right? That’s what Nanna Rosannadana always said! Yesterday I told you I wasn’t feeling well so we did a rerun of one of my favorite memories. My whole day Sunday was just discombobulated. I woke up late and forgot to take my calcium till late. I didn’t feel great. Then, as I took my shower to prepare to go see the kids, I started seeing little jiggly circular “hoops” of light when I turned my eyes from side to side. It made me kinda seasick. It didn’t hurt, and it wasn’t exactly like an ocular migraine. I was puzzled, but I trusted my instincts and opted to stay home while Mr. FixIt went without me.

I had a pretty low key day, but these flashes kept showing up. I was getting a little nervous about it and told Mr. FixIt if I still had them Monday morning, I would need to see my eye doctor. This is where my anxiety disorder kicked in just before bedtime and I had to take my “rescue medicine” and go to sleep.

It’s difficult for most people to talk about mental health issues and it shouldn’t be. I have a history of anxiety....me and about 40 million other adults in the US every year. I got it honest....both my mom and my dad had it. And, both of my girls do, too. About half of those diagnosed with anxiety also have depression. It was really hard for me to accept this. I saw it as a flaw in my personality...that there was something “wrong” with me. I was somehow “less than”. While I wouldn’t necessarily call it my super power, it does tell you a lot about the kind of deeply caring and creative person I am.

It’s not always easy to live with. There was a time when it nearly overwhelmed me. But nowadays, I’ve discovered it’s as much a part of who I am as the color of my eyes and the fact I have high cholesterol. I try not to let it get in my way, yet sometimes it does. I had a video chat with Daughter #2 Sunday night and we both cried because we miss each other. That was the top card that triggered an anxiety response. Mix it with PTSD and...well, it’s something I’ve worked on in therapy...and it’s something I live with. If I’ve had it this long, it’s not likely to go away...although, I did kind of hope the surgery would fix that, too. Anxiety is one of the symptoms of primary hyperparathyroidism.

I always turn to scripture and tell myself I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. And not to be afraid. I thought it was all the things that scared me that I wasn’t supposed to fear. Now, I’ve come to understand...it’s the anxiety I’m not supposed to be afraid of because it can’t kill me. It’s just an uncomfortable biochemical response to stressors.

When I woke up yesterday, the flashing hoop was still there and I called for an appointment with the eye doctor. I still wasn’t quite sure what was going on, until I went outside with my cup of coffee and sat on the deck. I looked down at my hand and saw swirly grey curls of what looked like smoke and I knew in an instant I was having another vitreous detachment. I had one in the right eye in April 2017...just two months after I got smacked in the face with an airbag when I wrecked my truck. The eye doctor told me then that one of these days, the other one would go.

It’s not an uncommon thing to happen after the age of 40. I will spare you the anatomical drawing of an eyeball...here’s a description. When an egg is very fresh, the egg white is thick and the membrane that surrounds it sticks tightly to the shell. But over time, the egg white thins out and loses volume. That membrane begins to pull away from the shell. The same thing happens in the eye. The vitreous thins and the membrane begins to pull away from the retina. It’s not a big deal, but it does leave you with floaters in your vision and that is annoying until your brain compensates. Then you seldom even notice them.

There aren’t pain nerves associated with this, so when the vitreous begins to pull away, it tugs at cells on the retina and sends signals to the brain that show up as light flashes. It jiggles because of the consistence of the vitreous humor...the gel. Even though it’s not a dangerous thing, it does increase your risk of tearing or detaching the retina...and that IS an emergency and needs to be dealt with right away. Remember, when I had my last one, it was just a couple of months after my subdural hematoma and concussion from the truck wreck. I really couldn’t remember what I should avoid. I had to laugh when she told me not to go on a roller coaster for a while. Darn...that was right where I was headed! lol

So, if God can’t get me to slow down and heal from surgery...maybe the threat of blindness will get my attention...you think? No heavy lifting, no falling and hitting my head, no jumping up and down. It’s a really good thing it’s not mowing season!

I’d roll my eyes...but I probably shouldn’t do that either. ?

“Don't be afraid. I am with you. Don't tremble with fear. I am your God. I will make you strong, as I protect you with my arm and give you victories.”
Isaiah 41:10 CEV

Resting as an Olympic Sport

Sun, 21 Mar 2021 01:30:00 -0600

I think I like this resting thing. I have my laptop updated, my hard drive cleaned and defragged, and my bank account up to date and balanced. I watched several episodes of Dateline and Weekend Mystery and American Idol. Ok, the TV is a little much. I have watched more in the last two weeks than I have in the last two years because Mr. FixIt and I were staying in hotel rooms. I couldn’t get away from the TV very easily. It’s not a habit, though...that’s for sure.

I did watch one episode of Dateline that was intriguing. It was about a Jane Doe that had been murdered in Texas and some amateur genealogists worked together to eventually find out who she was. Now THAT kind of work I would find addicting. These people spent hundreds of hours scouring for information on the internet and thousands of phone calls and texts. They volunteered, along with hundreds of other amateur genealogists, with an organization called The DNA Doe Project. You can find more information HERE. I found it fascinating.

Yesterday started out cold but by late afternoon it was 62 degrees. Mr. FixIt says if we listen hard enough, we can hear the grass growing! I had to get outside to sit in the sunshine for a while. It’s supposed to be nice again today, so we are going for a little drive to check out the barn raising at a family member’s farm. I still need to get those irises divided! Time’s a wastin’!

What was that I was saying about liking this “rest” thing?

“Let's do our best to know the Lord. His coming is as certain as the morning sun; he will refresh us like rain renewing the earth in the springtime.”
Hosea 6:3 CEV

Thunderbolts and Lightning

Fri, 19 Mar 2021 01:30:00 -0600

We had our first thunderstorm of the year yesterday afternoon. It rained off and on much of the day...not terribly heavy. Just fits and starts. After driving most of the day Tuesday, I had a slump yesterday. There were still things that needed doing. I picked up the mail at the Post Office. Mr. FixIt went to pick up the cat at the vet. I emptied the last of the stuff from the truck. I discovered the freezer in the garage fridge wasn’t closed tight before we left so we lost all the food in it. I found a leaky pipe in the basement. I did a load of laundry. I filled all the bird feeders and checked to see if the daffodils have bloomed yet. And, after that I was done. I was so hoping I’d be one of the rabbits that get better really fast after this surgery, but I have to be patient with my little turtle self. I took the steri-strip off my incision yesterday. It’s still quite swollen but it’ll get better before I know it.

We were watching the news last night and Mr. FixIt went into the kitchen to fix a cup of tea. He called me in to look out at the road. There was a sheriff parked in the road directing traffic and a tractor was driving back and forth. I said, “I don’t know about you, but I’m nosy enough to go out and ‘check the mail’...what do you think?” He came along with me to see what what going on. Not a lot happens out here so this was big stuff. Apparently, a dump truck lost a bunch of dirt out on the road there and when it rained, we had a little slip-n-slide going on. We’re lucky no one went flying off over the guard rail.

One of the favorite pastimes of rural folk is listening to the police scanner. I’ve never really gotten into that because I like peace and quiet. Instead, I either call my friend that has one, or I check the County Scanner Page on Facebook. You know you live in the smallest county in the state when someone comes on the page with “What’s going on?” and seventeen people come back with exactly what’s going on and where. It’s better than a game of telephone. Anyway, the report of the dirt falling from a dump truck was not only in front of our house, but also on top of the hill a few miles down the road. Nic & Son wanted to make sure we all knew none of their trucks were working in our area yesterday. I love small towns.

That was the extent of my day. There’s so much work that needs to be done around here, but I am just going to make myself lay low for a few days and heal. That isn’t easy for me to do. At least it’s not mowing season yet!

“If you are tired from carrying heavy burdens, come to me and I will give you rest. Take the yoke I give you. Put it on your shoulders and learn from me. I am gentle and humble, and you will find rest. This yoke is easy to bear, and this burden is light.”
Matthew 11:28-30 CEV

Day 363: Patience is NOT one of My Virtues!

Mon, 15 Mar 2021 01:30:00 -0600

I like to think I am a virtuous woman, but when it comes to the virtue of patience, I came out on the short end of the stick. I have never liked waiting for anything. When I was a child, I would wear a pair of shoes a full size too small if it meant I didn’t have to wait till we found a pair that actually fit. When I knit, it’s seldom a complicated pattern because I want it done yesterday. Cliff Notes are my friends. So are cake mixes and instant mashed potatoes. I’ve always been in a hurry.

There are some things that hurrying just doesn’t help. Teaching a baby. Getting your husband out the door on time. Baking bread. These things take whatever time they take. So does recovering from surgery. I have so much swelling in my neck, it looks like I have a goiter. I don’t like it. I want it gone. But, do you think that’s going to make a bit of difference? Nope! I lay down to read in the afternoon and sleep three hours. My body is telling me what to do, and whether I like it or not, I must listen.

We opted for an affordable room over one in close proximity to a beach. It’s spring break and we wouldn’t want to be mingling out on a beach anyway. We decided yesterday to sit alongside the pool and read. I lasted ten minutes. The sun was SO hot it burned my tender skin clear through two layers of clothing. We came back up to the room, I stretched out to read and...bam. Three hour nap. We wanted to get to a beach to see the sunset, but we ended up driving around looking at retirement communities and browsing a huge antique store.

It was a good day. We had leftovers from Carabba’s. We chatted with the kids and looked at pictures of their snow. And rested. That’s ok. Sometimes patience is all we have.

“Let your hope make you glad. Be patient in time of trouble and never stop praying.”
Romans 12:12 CEV

Day 362: Another Day of Recovery

Sun, 14 Mar 2021 01:30:00 -0600

I hate to admit how much this surgery has taken out of me. I feel so much better as far as the symptoms I had before, but yesterday I woke up with a swollen neck I won’t scare you with. Apparently, the ice pack fell off during the night and I was laying flatter than I thought so I have that “flappin’ in the wind turkey neck” thing going on. And sore??? Oy. I had to get up and out some, though.

I asked Mr. FixIt to take me to the local Starbucks for a Nitro Cold Brew with Sweet Cream. Before surgery, I would have had a heck of a time with acid reflux. After surgery? Smooth as silk! Another win!

We came back to the hotel and walked around a bit. I’m hoping Monday will be quieter with the weekenders moving on and we can hang out at this groovy pool. Once back to the room, I put my ice pack back on and stretched out, propped up this time. Still having trouble clearing my throat between the swelling and the pain. But I am absolutely convinced tomorrow will be better.

Mr. FixIt came in late in the afternoon to see what I wanted to eat and I had this craving for Carabba’s. We passed one just a few minutes from our hotel so we ordered dinner to go and my sweetheart went to pick it up for me. Fettuccini Carabba....Alfredo with Grilled Chicken and Peas for me. Fettuccini Weesie...Alfredo with Shrimp and Scallops for my love. Along with a salad each, and bread with aioli...it was way too much food for one meal so we get to have the leftovers today!

They say the third day after surgery is the worst. I have no idea why, but I’m just going to ignore that little old wives tale and feel great today...right? Thanks for all your prayers and support this week. I could feel your love around me and God’s tender care. I wasn’t a bit anxious when I was there. I felt like everything was under control and I appreciate your help.

“You always heal them and restore their strength when they are sick. I prayed, “Have pity, Lord! Heal me, though I have sinned against you.””
Psalms 41:3-4 CEV

Day 357: We Found Spring!

Mon, 08 Mar 2021 02:30:00 -0600

Spring has been hiding in the south and we didn’t know it! We drove through South Carolina and Georgia then on into Florida yesterday. We had every intention of staying in the historic district of St. Augustine so we could go over and walk at the fort. Then by the time we arrived, we were both too tired. But we still had a lovely hotel room in a safe and quite neighborhood and I negotiated a good rate. One of the benefits of working in a hotel in a past live...negotiating skills.

I must say, we continue to be pleasantly surprised that people are wearing their masks everywhere we go! There has been one man in a rest area without his mask. I have asked Mr. FixIt to please stop telling people they should have a mask on. Just move away from them and leave them alone...you don’t know who carries a gun! Fortunately, it’s only been the one guy so far.

We are at the front end of spring break and this is Bike Week in Daytona Beach, so the coast is busy. We brought our own food so we eat in our room and stay away from people. Being super careful before the surgery! I don’t want anything to get in the way.

The drive yesterday was lovely...sunny and 66 degrees! The wind still had a little nip in it, but so lovely. The trees are budding and flowering here and the grass is green! What a delicious treat! I happened to look down at the odometer and caught it just as it turned over...100,000 miles!!! Wow, no turning back now...she’s mine till I bury her somewhere in a field, I guess!

I caught a picture yesterday of my Girl Camper bags that I use for luggage. I received one of the medium bags last year for Christmas as my Girl Camper Guide Christmas gift. I loved it so much, I ordered another medium bag and one large bag and had them embroidered with “Girl Camper” as well. I just love the colors and they absolutely make me smile every time I see them. I just went on Land’s End to see if they’re still available in this pretty red and teal plaid, but they aren’t.

Road trips are so wonderful...even when you can’t get out and do as you please when you get there. Just seeing the road whip by and getting a change of scenery is good for the soul. I’ll be so glad when Thursday is behind us!

“The Scriptures say: ‘God will tell his angels to take care of you... ””
Luke 4:10-11 CEV

Day 349: Heading into Mud Season

Sun, 28 Feb 2021 02:30:00 -0600

After a week of stunning springlike weather, the waterworks were scheduled to get turned on during the night. We’re supposed to get more than two inches of rain this week. When that is added to already saturated ground after the snow melted, we have flood warnings out all over the state. As a matter of fact, in an effort to be prepared, our Governor has issued a State of Readiness for all of our public services...just in case. I have to say, I have been pleasantly surprised by the actions of the Governor’s Office during the last year.

While I love those sunny spring days that make you feel like you’ve been let out of prison, I also deeply appreciate the heavy rains of spring. Especially if they are accompanied by thunderstorms. The only bad thing is, the ground has been frozen for months, and as it warms up and rain floods over saturated soil, the shallow root systems can give way and we get a lot of falling trees. This can take out the power lines, which isn’t as pleasant. Hopefully, we’ll get by and not have to run the generator.

We’ve faired well with our second dose of the Covid vaccine. Last night marked 48 hours, and my arms is only slightly sore....a little warm, red, and itchy still. Mr. FixIt says his is gone. I spoke to a friend of mine yesterday and she said she had a terrible reaction with headache, fever and nausea, but she was starting to pull out of it last night. The rest of my friends seem to have gotten through it well. We live in a rural area, and I hate to say, there are some being persuaded by faith groups to abstain from the vaccine. This saddens me.

Our parents didn’t think twice about getting us vaccinated for polio when we were kids. I never thought twice when I got my own children vaccinated. I worked in a family medicine clinic and vaccinated hundreds of little ones. We all want to get back to normal life. And it isn’t going to happen until we have herd immunity. And, the longer we wait, the more time there is for the virus to develop variants that can be even more harmful. I know the numbers are going down...that is a good thing. But, they are kind of maintaining a plateau right now, and that’s not good. I don’t want anyone else to suffer and die unnecessarily. I’m sure you don’t either. I know it’s a personal choice, but if you’re worried about how it might affect you, I’m here to say it’s not bad at all and I would encourage you to take it when your turn comes around. Let’s get this thing over with and get back to our lives!

I wanted some comfort food yesterday, so I made beef and noodles. I love when I cook enough for four meals...I can just pull one out of the freezer and pop it in my Hot Logic Mini and have a hot meal in record time. I have some apples that I don’t want to go to waste so I’m going to bake a pie today. We have a lot to do this week, so we’re making our lists and checking them twice. Every day is another day closer to surgery and feeling better!

“So we can confidently say, “The Lord is my helper; I will not fear; what can man do to me?””
Hebrews 13:6 ESV

Day 347: Fauci Ouchie 2.0

Fri, 26 Feb 2021 02:30:00 -0600

We did it! We got our second vaccines yesterday and the feeling of relief nearly brought tears to my eyes. It’s not over by a long shot. We still need to wear masks and keep doing what we’ve been doing because...we could carry the virus to others. The vaccines are 95% effective, so there is still a chance of catching Covid, however small. We are a long, long way from herd immunity, so the more of us who get the vaccine...the quicker life can get back to normal.

I will repeat this here, in case there are negative comments forthcoming. I am not afraid of Covid...but I sure do have a healthy respect for its capacity to wreak havoc with your health and end your life. I do not live in fear. I rest in knowledge. There is NOT a biochip in it. No one is going to try to control my mind. It is not the mark of the devil. It’s a vaccine...period. I’ve been vaccinated for a dozen different diseases in my life. This is no different.

I am SO grateful for the scientists who did the research in the decade leading up to the pandemic. Something like this was inevitable, although it certainly could have been handled better from the get go. I think a lot of lives could be saved. But, this is where we are now...this is what we have to work with. If they have to create boosters for variants...fine. I’ll take those, too. I am not afraid. This is what I did for a living...clinical pharmaceutical research coordination. I trust the science.

My friend Diane got her shot yesterday morning and she called me to warn me about what to expect. When we went for our first shot, it was the first vaccine clinic. We got in and out in record time...far under an hour. We were supposed to go back last Thursday, but the clinic was canceled due to snow. So, this week they were not only doing #2 shots...they were also doing #1 shots and all the people they had to reschedule from last week. It was crazy.

They directed us into short parallel lines in the parking lot. Then, one row at a time was directed out to join a long line that circled the parking lot, swung around and looped through to the second lot. At that point, we were given a clipboard to fill out our information and walk into the clinic. Inside was very quick and simple. We were directed to the first empty table. Our information was recorded, and we were directed to the inner room. There, a volunteer took us to a table where someone was seated with a line of vaccines in front of them.

In our case, we had a nice young doctor from the clinic in our small town. Because I have a history of an allergic reaction to a medication, I had to carry a pink card with me and wait an extra 15 minutes afterward. We carried on conversations with others seated nearby and the time passed quickly. Our appointment was at 3:24 and we walked out the door at right around 6:00. A lot longer than the first time, but thanks to Diane, we were prepared with snacks. And I took my knitting with me. It was really quite pleasant. Any time I get to sit and chat with my fella is a good day!

We went to Sam’s afterward and picked up some groceries and stopped for a salad from Wendy’s on the way home. I took a couple of Extra Strength Tylenol and hopefully that will take care of it. By evening, I could feel that I’d had the injection...just like the first one. I’ll let you know what side effects, if any, that we experience.

This is a huge step in getting this under control. It feels good to do something that will benefit us all!

“Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.”
1 Corinthians 6:19-20 ESV

Day 346: Sunshine is Good Medicine!

Thu, 25 Feb 2021 02:30:00 -0600

We had an important appointment yesterday...one we’ve been putting off for too long. Time to make our wills. Not everyone dies with a will, but in my experience, if you really love your spouse you make a will. I didn’t realize how stressful this simple exercise would be for me. When you talk about wills, you are really talking about death. And I didn’t adequately prepare myself for all the feels that would well up surrounding that.

Frankly, it made me upset. It didn’t occur to me that it would...but there it was. And when I get upset like that, it’s right in the pit of my stomach and makes me sick. It always has, so I don’t know why I’m surprised when it happened yet again. But there’s a level of shame in there....like, I should be stronger than this.

Yesterday was warmer than it has been since last fall...clear up to 72! I was wandering around the house, preparing to go and willing myself to calm down and not let my nerves get the best of me. Mr. FixIt finally said, “What’s going on, honey? You ok?” He could tell...he knows me so well. I almost cried. I told him I was just freaking out a little and to give me some time.

I went back to the bedroom and sat on the edge of the bed and breathed slowly. I took something to settle my stomach. Then I had a brilliant idea...maybe we could have the appointment over the phone. I called the attorney’s office and they said that was absolutely doable...they would call me back in half an hour.

When they called, I was settled in my big red chair and Mr. FixIt in his. And in the comfort of our home, we loved each other through what was surprisingly difficult for me. I am so blessed I have a loving and supportive husband who really “gets” me. It didn’t matter one bit to him whether we had the appointment at home or in the attorney’s office or even if we rescheduled. His primary goal was my comfort doing something he knew upset me. I love him so much for all these little things.

The sun was gorgeous and the air was warm with the early breath of spring. I sat out on the steps of the deck and turned my face to the sun and let its warmth creep into my bones. Mr. FixIt went out to change the oil in my truck, and I curled up under a blanket and took a nap. When I got up, all was right in the world again. I am so grateful I am past the age when I beat myself up for not being “perfect”. I am what and who I am and so is my husband. This is why we are such a good team...it may not have worked between us when we were young and dumb. This way, I think we got the best version of each other.

“I can do all things through him who strengthens me.”
Philippians 4:13 ESV

Day 343: Mourning the 500,000

Mon, 22 Feb 2021 02:30:00 -0600

This is Atlanta as seen from space. It is the home of around 500,000 people. People like you and me...young, old, professionals, blue collar workers, grandmas and grandpas, moms and dads, kids of all ages and stripes. Imagine, if you will, driving into Atlanta today and find it...empty. Every citizen dead and gone...lost one by one over the course of one year. It’s unthinkable, isn’t it? No one in the airport, no one in the banks or hospitals or shops...every house deserted, collecting dust.

We surpassed that terrible line in the sand yesterday. We have lost 500,000 beautiful souls from this nation. And that is probably a much lower than the actual number of lives lost because not all were diagnosed. Thank God we have passed the holiday surge that threatened to break the medical system. Now we’ll see what happens after spring break.

More and more people are getting vaccinated, although there was a bobble in the system last week from the terrible winter storms across the country. We are heading into a warm week and will probably lose our snow by next weekend. Then it will be mud season. That’s fine with me...that’s what muck boots are for. I would much rather have to kick off my boots at the door than to be shut in because of the ice and snow. We have to be so careful when it’s slick outside. Mr. FixIt is on medication that could make a blow to the head lethal. And my bones are thinning because of this parathyroid tumor. I can’t afford to have a broken hip. So we become more cautious. Just another reminder that time marches inexorably onward.

I really miss getting together with my friends. I came across a photo of my “last normal thing” the other day. I was at dinner with the women from my Bible Study Group. I look at that and think it looks foreign...no masks, sitting next to each other, laughing and hugging. I know we will get there again, but I also know...I will never look at gatherings in the same way for the rest of my life. I will look at them with far more gratitude than I ever did in all my years. AND...I will wash my hands and not touch my face and, even when the threat of covid is minimized, I will still wear a mask during cold and flu season. I mean, why not? I have only had that one little stint of a couple days of sniffles just before Thanksgiving. Masks and good hand washing keep respiratory illnesses at bay. I will be so grateful to have our second shots on Thursday.

Mr. FixIt made split pea soup yesterday. I don’t know what it is about that stuff, but I cannot stand it. It tastes gritty to me, the color is questionable, and even with ham hocks in it, the smell is unappealing. I warmed up leftover Chinese food and called it good. I’m sure we’ll have to freeze some of it since I can’t expect him to spend the rest of the week eating nothing but pale green wallpaper paste...errrr, I mean....split pea soup.

I’m hoping to get out and walk more with the lovely temperatures coming this week. Wednesday is supposed to get up to 59 degrees here. That sounds like Heaven to me. I hope you all are doing well, are getting through whatever challenges you have been facing, and you are seeing a small glimmer of spring outside your windows today.

“And God said, “Let there be lights in the expanse of the heavens to separate the day from the night. And let them be for signs and for seasons, and for days and years, and let them be lights in the expanse of the heavens to give light upon the earth.” And it was so.”
Genesis 1:14-15 ESV

Day 340: Always Have a Plan B!

Fri, 19 Feb 2021 02:30:00 -0600

Do you ever plan something and then, for no real reason you can put your finger on...you begin to feel uneasy about it? I’ve felt that way for an entire month, ever since I scheduled my surgery. It was never enough to really DO anything about it based on just feeling a little off. But still, it kind of feel a little off.

Yesterday morning, I awoke to a text from my friend Diane saying the vaccine clinic had been rescheduled to next Thursday due to inclement weather. I got up and looked out the window and we had a good 5” of new snow on top of what we already had. Believe, I was blessedly relieved that we didn’t have to go out and drive in that mess.

Having our shots next Thursday instead of yesterday presents a different problem. It means it will only be two days after our shots that we are scheduled to pack the truck and drive to Florida. If we have a reaction and don’t feel our best, the last thing I want to do is start on a long road trip. And, we’ll be staying in hotels for nearly two weeks. I want at least ten days of immunity before we do that. So...that left only one option. Postpone the surgery.

Initially, I asked if we could postpone for two weeks. Unfortunately, that puts us right square into the first week of spring break. That’s something we pearly want to avoid, covid or not. Instead, we pushed the surgery back one full week. That will give us enough time to be on top of our game before we pack up and head out on a road trip. It also puts us closer to the middle of March and hopefully this winter weather will have wound down by that time.

As soon as I rescheduled, I felt a sense of relief. It felt like a “better fit”, if that makes any sense to you. After this many trips around the sun, I’ve learned to pay attention to my gut and if my gut says this is better, then it’s better.

Some time after dark last night, I was video chatting with Daughter #1 on her way home from work when Mr. FixIt got up and looked out the back door. There were tail lights out in our field. Two cars had tried to pass each other on our little road and as soon as the pickup truck’s tires went off the edge of the road, he knew he was a goner. Down he went into the field and Mr. FixIt made a bee line out there as fast as he could before the guy spun too much and tore up the grass. The young fellow in the pickup called his dad to come down with the 4-wheeler to pull him out and they were soon on their way.

I’ve been playing with my genealogy all week so I need to write today. I have some writing jobs to send out, so I’ll work on that and start getting things together for the taxes. And, today is Friday...another week closer to spring!

“I ask the glorious Father and God of our Lord Jesus Christ to give you his Spirit. The Spirit will make you wise and let you understand what it means to know God.”
Ephesians 1:17 CEV

Day 338: Staying Safe & Cozy

Wed, 17 Feb 2021 02:30:00 -0600

Yesterday was my completely cozy Hygge day here on the Ponderosa. I set out to enjoy the day with the intent of finding joy in the mundane moments instead of feeling cooped up for yet another cold and snowy day. Making a habit of finding joy in the moments of our lives makes things easier...not only on ourselves, but also on our life mate if we have one. I remember doing the same thing when I was alone and joy always makes life a little easier.

We didn’t have the massive ice storm they predicted. I was awake during the night and looked at the weather radar. At about 1:30 yesterday morning, the storm seemed to break up and move on. There was just a little ice on the branches. Not like my friend Gail up in northeastern Ohio. She woke up to 2-3” of ice coating everything. We were very blessed we didn’t lose power here, unlike many other areas south and west of us. As a matter fact, our kids had a lot more ice in town than we did.

We have a gas stove in the family room and it keeps it nice and warm in there. I brought my lap desk in and sat with my laptop, working on genealogy most of the day. I took a break and made a batch of Ultimate Chocolate Chip Cookies. The recipe called for half semi-sweet and half milk chocolate chips. I had to use all semi-sweet so maybe the chocolate flavor won’t have the same depth of flavor, but I’ll bet no one will turn them down.

Just before Christmas, a couple of neighbors stopped here at the house to leave us some cookies. I sent the first one off with the only tray of cookies I had ready. The other one got a fruitcake and I’ve felt guilty ever since I found out (after she left) she is our new next door neighbor. There are always sweet treats around at the holidays, so I decided the first time I make these extravagant chocolate chip cookies, they are getting a tray of them!

The cookie dough has to rest in the fridge for 24 hours, according to this recipe. That allows the flour to fully absorb the moisture and develop the flavors. There are a few unusual ingredients in this recipe, like malted milk powder and a little molasses. I’m really looking forward to tasting them. I’ll bake them this afternoon and we’ll take the Christmas tree down. I noticed last night it was still fully light outdoors at 5:00 so I won’t miss the twinkles quite so much. Besides, I want to get it all put away before the end of the month. It’s time.

Last night, I put the computer away and got out my knitting. I always knit up dishcloths after supper because I don’t have to think about a pattern and I can watch the news and maybe a couple of episodes of The Big Bang with my sweetie before I go write. I heard him in the kitchen puttering around and pretty soon, here he came with a bowl of sliced strawberries with a little maple syrup drizzled over them. Ohhhhh, that is so yummy. I’ve had to cut out coffee and ice cream lately because it wreaks havoc on my stomach. These little gems were a delightful dessert...just what the doctor ordered!

We got the call to schedule our second Covid vaccine tomorrow. I will be so happy to get that behind us. I know we will still have to be careful because we can still carry Covid to others who may not have their shots yet, so we will continue to wear masks when we are out. However, the sooner 70% of us are vaccinated, the sooner we can get back to a more normal life. I’m more than willing to be patient and continue to wear a mask to protect others.

I hope, wherever you live, you are able to go outside and breathe some clean, fresh air today. Treat your lungs to some healthy oxygen!

“Then someday, I will heal this place and my people as well, and let them enjoy unending peace.”
Jeremiah 33:6 CEV

Day 336: Vulnerability

Mon, 15 Feb 2021 02:30:00 -0600

One of the hallmarks of this blog has always been my willingness to be open and vulnerable with you all. That started during the deep, dark days of my active grieving when Mr. Virgo died. I pledged I would always be open and honest with you...sometimes to the consternation of my friends and family. I know they were thinking more along the lines of my personal safety, but I needed what I gave you when I gave it. It was as much, if not more, for me than it was for you.

I haven’t found much I haven’t been willing to talk about here. Why? Because, I’ve learned from all of you, I’m not the only one going through the things I go through, and it helps to know that.It makes you feel a little less alone, a little less crazy, a little less lonely to know others share the human condition right along side you. And to that end, we are going to talk about my memory.

I know you have noticed over the last few weeks, there have been numerous times the link doesn’t work from my Facebook page to my website. You all are so kind to send me notes or leave me comments to let me know. Here’s what’s been happening behind that. I’ve told you I have hyperparathyroidism. That’s caused by a tumor on the parathyroid gland. It doesn’t have anything to do with the thyroid itself...it only lies beside it, hence the “para” prefix.

One of the most annoying symptoms of pHPT (primary hyperparathyroidism) is brain fog. Add that to the grief brain, the closed head injury, and normal aging and I’m feeling really concerned about it. I would make lists, but I don’t remember to make them. I tell the same story over and over because I tell stories all the time and I can’t remember who I’ve told what to. Mr. FixIt swears I’ve told him something, or he’s told me something...and I swear just as hard that it isn’t true.

I writing my posts in Pages...a word processing app on my iPad. Then I cut and paste it over to my website. There are several steps that I have to take to schedule my post to publish the next morning. One of the steps is selecting the date and time. There are two little boxes beside the time...one for AM, one for PM. They are soft gray, and I’ve been missing them. (It automatically selects the time you are in, so I write at night...it is set on PM.) If I forget to select AM, it won’t schedule till the following afternoon. When I schedule it on FB, it’s black and white and I see it more clearly.

I know it’s a little thing, and in the grand scheme of things, it’s not a big deal. But, if I’m having this much trouble at 67, what’s going to happen at 77...and 87? My only consolation at this point is, the people in the support group I follow on Facebook for hyperparathyroidism tell me their brain function and memory got SO much better after the surgery. I am praying that is the case with me. Because it really sucks when I can’t remember stuff. And, being a perfectionist, it really sucks when I screw up. I’ve never “screwed up well”. I’m a bad screwer-upper. Anyway, if you notice, that’s what is going on. Let’s just pray all these nasty symptoms I’ve been having over the course of this disease get better when we get the offending gland removed.

In the meantime, Mr. FixIt ran to Sam’s yesterday to get some supplies before the next storm comes through, and he brought me a present for Valentine’s Day...four Mammoth Elephant Ear bulbs! I was so excited!!! I’ve been wanting these for the last three summers. We have several of a smaller variety that we plant along the fence in the summer. Last year, Mr. FixIt planted them way too early so they never really got very big. You have to dig the bulbs up before they freeze and store them in a big bucket in the basement, then plant them in the spring. And the best part? The deer and the rabbits leave them alone!

Since I got new Elephant Ear bulbs, I made Mr. FixIt eggplant parmesan for supper for his Valentine. And, we drove out to the farm for a little while which always does my heart good. I hope you all are staying safe out there. I’m praying for all of you in the paths of the storms!

“When you see trouble coming, don't be stupid and walk right into it— be smart and hide.”
Proverbs 22:3 CEV

#Disasters, #Storms, #Preparation

Day 333: I Shoulda Known Better

Fri, 12 Feb 2021 02:30:00 -0600

Winter Creek

One would think, after all I know about trauma and grief and PTSD, that I would know better than to watch the unfolding of the impeachment proceedings. I’m not going to get into a discussion of who is right and who is wrong. This is my page, so I have the right not to get involved in the political aspects of all of this. But, from a purely human standpoint, watching it all over again has been brutal.

The Hedgerow

Why did I watch? Good question. My best answer is, I’m an American citizen and when something of such import occurs, I feel it is my responsibility to know what’s happening. I was interested in seeing the exact timeline...which was well documented. And there were visual graphs that brought that information into clearer focus that I don’t think any of us were quite aware of before...especially those involved.

Mysterious Hole in the Snow...No Footprints...No Nothing...Just a Hole!

I made it through to about 1:30 yesterday afternoon then I became, quite literally, physically ill. It’s a combination of things, really. The wrong thing for breakfast. Coffee has suddenly started bothering me. And, unexplained stomach upset is one of the symptoms of hyperparathyroidism that I struggle with. Of course, one can only brush up against the triggers of PTSD so often without going over the edge and unfortunately, I pushed my boundary too far. It will take some work to re-compartmentalize that information, but it’ll come. And hopefully my upcoming surgery will take care of this particularly bothersome side effect of this disease.

Abandoned Nest in a Cedar Tree

In the meantime, I’m working on a few writing assignments and that is always a healthy distraction. I worked a little on the genealogy yesterday, but really...I just needed a break from the noise and the chaos, the TV and the screens, and just go outside and walk in the snow. We had quite a winter storm Wednesday night and it left us with about four inches of the white stuff. Mr. FixIt went out with his new snowblower and cleared the sidewalks once the snow stopped. He does like that and it’s good for him to have something to do.

Buckthorn Berries in the Snow

A walk in the snow did wonders for my disposition. Meandering along the half-frozen creek, listening to the sounds of winter birds chattering low in the hedgerow. The low riffle of water as it trickles across stones worn smooth by the ever present flow. Feeling the collapse of earth beneath my feet where the moles and voles are busy living their lives underground...creating soft tunnels you can trace by the slight mounds in the snow. Seeing the snow covered nests of the summer birds, long gone south for the winter, waiting patiently for the spring thaw and their joyous return. The snow around the feeders marked heavily with little four-pronged footprints of the dozens of visitors...enjoying the abundance of our feeders. The bright scarlet and vivid blues of the cardinals and jays as they swoop in from the brush and trees that surround our property. Trees that reach naked arms to the leaden February sky. I breathe the cold air deep into my lungs with a hunger I forget I have. This long, quiet darkness of winter can wear thin in these days before the spring thaw. But they force me to find the hand of God as he leads me beside these still waters...and restores my soul.

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
Philippians 4:6-7 NIV

Day 328: The PushMe-PullYou

Sun, 07 Feb 2021 02:30:00 -0600

Do you remember the movie “Doctor Doolittle”? There was a two-headed llama called a PushMe-PullYou. I always got a kick out of it because...being a Gemini...I could really relate. I’m always going in at LEAST two different directions...often times more. That has become decidedly more difficult since I am “of a certain age” now. But it is complicated by one of the nasty symptoms of my hyperparathyroidism.

I have read so much about this disease in the last six months and it’s fascinating. It’s a disease than can cut your life short, yet the culprits are four tiny little glands no bigger than a grain of rice attached to the back of the thyroid. It’s not easy to diagnose. The symptoms can sound like they’re all in your head which, unfortunately, too many doctors assume are. And, they can make you feel like you’re going crazy or getting Alzheimer’s.

Once I finally got on the right track towards a diagnosis, then the fight became finding a doctor that believed me. We have to be our own advocates when we are ill. When I grew up, I was taught that doctors are to be revered and never questioned. Then I was was married to one for 21 years and I know for a fact...they put their pants on one leg at a time, just like the rest of us. That being said, it does take a bit of diplomacy when showing your primary care doctor the evidence that substantiates a diagnosis of hyperparathyroidism. It seems, they may put their pants on one leg at a time, but their egos to bruise easily.

I’ve been blessed that the nurse practitioner in my PCP’s office is the one who ordered my tests and made the diagnosis. I didn’t have any trouble getting a referral to an endocrinologist, however, I was not at all happy with the first one I saw. He essentially blew me off. I had to be assertive (which isn’t always my strong suit) and press for a second opinion. The next endocrinologist totally got what I was saying, evaluated my tests, and agreed...I needed to see an endocrine surgeon.

I could have tried someone relatively close by...but Hubby #2 definitely suggested I see someone who does a lot of these surgeries. The parathyroid glands are near the vocal chords and you can paralyze one, or both (God forbid) during surgery, so you want someone who knows what their doing. I found that in the Norman Parathyroid Center in Tampa, Florida. I’ve gone through the initial intake and had my consultation with a surgeon. And he agrees...it’s a slam dunk case of a parathyroid adenoma and it needs to come out.

Last week, I got my surgery scheduled. We have to be there a couple of days early to have a covid test done. We spent the better part of the last couple of days planning our trip to Florida. It will come a couple of weeks after having our second Covid Vaccine shot. We’ll leave Pumpkin at the Kitty Hilton and head south. The first three days won’t be the fun part. Getting there and getting settled in our hotel in downtown Tampa, getting the covid test, and getting my bearings for the trip over on the day of surgery.

The hotels the center use give you a good discount, and offer free parking and a ride to and from surgery. Because of Covid restriction, Mr. FixIt can’t come to the hospital, so I wanted to get a room nearby that he could be comfortable with. He wanted us to get one place that we would stay in during the whole trip. We want to stay fairly close to the beach, and in order to be more affordable, that would make for at least an hour drive each way. I would be a nervous wreck the morning of surgery if we got stuck in traffic. And if it caused me to miss my surgery...well, that would NOT be good. So, the first three nights are in the city. Then the following six nights are at the beach.

If one has to have surgery, I can’t think of any place more wonderful to recuperate than a sunny beach on the Gulf Coast of Florida! I found a lovely suite with a kitchenette so we can cook in our room and not have to worry about dining out. And it’s just minutes from great beaches and quaint little tourist towns, and other sites. I felt so much better once I got that all scheduled. Now I just have to reserve a space for the kitty and make sure everything is squared away on the Ponderosa and we’ll be ready to rock and roll.

I’ve read many testimonials from other patients and actually have a friend from high school that has had this same surgery. They all remark they had no idea how BAD they felt till they had the surgery and felt wonderful again. Many of them remark the bone pain they have had for years is gone within hours after the surgery. Sometimes it takes a little longer, but most feel markedly better in a short amount of time. I’m really looking forward to getting this over with and I can get on with my life and feel better. I have LOTS of stuff to do yet!

“Hearing this, Jesus said to Jairus, “Don’t be afraid; just believe, and she will be healed.””
Luke 8:50 NIV

Day 327: This is the Night the Lord Hath Made

Sat, 06 Feb 2021 02:30:00 -0600

The last few days, we’ve been talking about feeling stretched thin, feeling frayed and frazzled, overwhelmed with the nature of the world we find ourselves currently living in. Changes have been thrust upon us and not all of us accommodate as easily as others. I am sure we would be hard pressed to find someone who has not been affected in some negative way by the events of the last year.

I always put my money where my mouth is, so I looked up some of the links in yesterday’s post. I read about combatting stress and weathering this particular storm. Then I did what I always do...I went to my inner sanctuary...my quiet space of meditation where I commune with God on a personal level. This is where we sit together...sometimes in quiet companionable silence...sometime in vibrant, dynamic discourse.

These sessions all start out the same way. I get quiet. I find that stillness between my breath and my heart beat, and reach my mind out to God. He knows what I want...what I need. Far better than I. So, I find it quicker and easier to get to the point by just shutting up and listening to the lesson of the day.

As I sat there, eyes closed, breathing slow and deep, I became acutely aware of my body’s aches and pains. I felt the tension I hold between my shoulder blades...what my masseuse in Colorado referred to as my “trying too hard” spots. I felt bone weary...as though I’d run a marathon. Thoughts flitted by. “Why can’t I sleep better???” “When is this going to get easier???” “Why don’t I know how to do this by now???”

Within that space...a thought formed.

“This is the night the Lord hath made! Let us rejoice and be glad in it!!!”

“No” I said. “You mean this is the DAY you have made!”

“No...I mean this is the night. The day has two parts....I divided it in half. Part for work, part for rest.”

“But, I can’t sleep! I have never been able to sleep well...you know that.”

“Ahhhhh, yes....I do. But, you’ve never celebrated my gift of the night. You dread it. You are afraid of the nightmares you might have. Or the anxiety that might come. Or the hours you might have to lay there...staring at the ceiling.”

“I want to sleep. I try! I really do.”

“Then stop TRYING. And celebrate the hours I gave you for resting.”

Novel concept. I closed my eyes. I felt my face against the pillowcase. I wrapped up in my soft, fuzzy blanket and touched it to my lips. I repeated over and over in my mind.

“This is the night the Lord hath made. This is the night the Lord hath made. This is the night the Lord hath made.”

And I woke up at 11:30 yesterday morning! Good night, nurse!!! I haven’t slept like that in....I can’t remember how long. I jumped up and went into the family room.

“Hey there, sleepyhead. How you doing?”

“What day is this?”

Mr. FixIt laughed. “Friday. I thought you must be tired so I let you sleep.”

Honestly? I felt like a new person. We got ready and went to town for a couple things. I started making arrangements for the trip to Florida next month. And I feel like a million bucks! I feel like I had a vacation. It was a remarkable different.

God gives us the days to do our deeds. But he gives us the gift of the night as our time to celebrate hours of sweet rest and slumber. I plan to approach every night in that same way...delicious anticipation of dreamless sleep...awakening refreshed and at peace. Doesn’t that sound lovely?

“This day belongs to the Lord! Let's celebrate and be glad today.”
Psalms 118:24 CEV

Day 326: Feeling a Little Frayed, Are We?

Fri, 05 Feb 2021 02:30:00 -0600

I chat every night with one of the dearest people in my life. Sue always has a supportive word, a kind thought, a golden nugget of wisdom to share with me. I didn’t grow up with a sister. One of my lifelong friends is my baby sister. Sue is the older sister I didn’t get to have and I love her dearly. I’ve been sharing with her of late....a bone weariness of the things that have been thrown at us for far too long.

I’ve gone through the grief of losing a spouse. I’ve gone through severe clinical depression and near death. I’ve gone through huge life changes that were cringeworthy in their own right. Now, I’m in a boat with a whole bunch of people...and we’re kinda hanging by a thread. Oh, we’re ok. We’re gonna make it through. We’re old enough and experienced enough to know...this too shall pass. But, man.....that constant surge of adrenalin and cortisol is getting pretty old.

Everyone handles stress in their own way. We all have different coping mechanisms. Some of us have more tools in our toolbox, simply because we’ve been through therapy to get us through crises. And, some of us have been blessed to have had a relatively easy life without huge upheaval. Getting out for a drive in the sunshine the other day was wonderful. Connecting with supportive friends is helpful. Having someone with me to share the day to day is a true blessing and it’s not lost on me how different things could have been if this would have happened say...six or seven years ago.

I have dear friends who are actively grieving tragic losses. To have to do that and cope with pandemic burnout seems unusually cruel and inhumane. One thing that has been giving me rays of hope is watching the “Christmas Covid Crush” begin to subside and the number of vaccinations going up. Slowly...ever so slowly. Nothing ever happens as fast as we would like it to, does it?

I find when I am at the end of my rope, there is decidedly less of the “ME” I need to get me through whatever I am facing. And I’ve faced enough crises to know...when there’s less “ME”, there’d better be more GOD because the alternative is a big black hole of despair. Oh, wouldn’t it be nice if God plucked us off the end there and set us down gently into a field of clover...by a nice stream, perhaps? But....noooooo...God ties a knot in that rope and helps me to hang on. He has the power to “fix things” for me. But, if He did that...what would I need HIM for? What would I learn from the experience?

Sue sends me articles from time to time. I found this one about “Hitting the Pandemic Wall” to be helpful so I thought I would share it with you today. There are some good ideas and links that you may use. But, I also thought I would ask you some questions.

What are you doing in your daily life to keep from feeling overwhelmed? Have any past experiences helped give you skills you can use during this crisis? I know it can’t just be me that’s feeling a little...strained.

In other words....really...

How are YOU doing?

““You’re blessed when you’re at the end of your rope. With less of you there is more of God and his rule.”
Matthew 5:3 MSG

Day 325: We’ve Been Down This Road Before

Thu, 04 Feb 2021 02:30:00 -0600

I’m happy to be back today. I was suffering one of the less pleasant side effects of this parathyroid tumor...just another reason to get this thing taken care of as soon as possible. I’d say by this time next month, I should be well on the road to feeling like my old self. Big prayers, anyway!

Yesterday was the most beautiful day. One of those really rare treats in a West Virginia winter...a crystal clear blue sky...not a cloud in sight. I slept soundly in the guest bedroom and didn’t awaken till late morning, but when I got up my guy was waiting for me with a great big smile. I always feel so much better when I see my sweet man. I told him we could NOT waste a minute of a beautiful day like this. Within a half hour, we were on the road to run some errands in town.

We bought birdseed, picked up prescriptions, went to the grocery store, and stopped for Chinese food on the way home. I was telling sue the other night...I have a cross between severe cabin fever and agoraphobia. Something had to go...I needed out of this house. We are exceedingly careful when we go out. We even wear disposable gloves when we go shopping. Lots of hand sanitizer, masks, and we wait our turn going down aisles.

I saw this picture online yesterday and it reminded me...we’ve been down this road before. The very first polio outbreak occurred in Rutland County, Vermont. There were eighteen deaths and 132 cases of permanent paralysis reported. They felt at the time polio wasn’t contagious because families with many children only reported one becoming ill. It wasn’t until 1905 the contagious nature of the disease became apparent.

Once the contagion was noted, it took another three years to identify the virus. Outbreaks occurred every summer, but it wasn’t until 1916 that it spread like wildfire in the crowded population of New York City. That summer, around 6,000 Americans died from polio and thousands more were left permanently paralyzed. From that point on, summers ran rampant with polio infections and pools, playgrounds and amusement parks were closed to attempt to mitigate the illness.

FDR fell ill with polio in 1921. He was very self-conscious about being seen in his wheelchair so he often used braces and canes in an attempt to look like he could walk. The iron lung was patented in 1929...the predecessor of the ventilator. I remember hearing about people in iron lungs that rested on two kitchen chairs in their living rooms. It was really scary.

Vaccine trials began in 1935. Then, in 1952, there was a huge surge in cases. In 1953, Jonas Salk gave his own family the first polio vaccine which he had discovered. In 1954, huge vaccine trials began then in 1955, the results were reported. Unfortunately, there were problems with that initial vaccine. It was through that research that scientists discovered there was an issue with the treatment of the vaccine itself and immunizations were suspended.

After the vaccine made by Albert Sabin was licensed in 1960 with a single strain of polio, but by 1963, there was an oral polio vaccine that contained all three strains of the virus. Those are the little pink drops people in my generation remember receiving on a sugar cube. And summers became free again.

This photo shows children being home schooled in 1937, listening to their teacher read their lessons on the radio. We made it through that period of time. Science now knows so much more about vaccines and the ways to deliver them. We have access to gene splicing and the mRNA carrier that delivers a small segment of the virus. Not enough to make you sick, but enough to tell your immune system... “THIS is what you want to kill when you see it.”

I know it seemed like this vaccine came on board so quickly, but the research has been in the works for years. We were blessed to have this technology available because without it, we surely wouldn’t have the ability to vaccinate the public against this scourge. The problem we are facing now is a race to get as many people as possible vaccinated before the virus mutates to the point the vaccine doesn’t work. Boosters are already being developed that will cover mutations. This is much like what occurs in the yearly flu vaccine.

One of the most surprising observations during this pandemic is...the flu season just didn’t show up. Why? Because, we are wearing masks, we are washing our hands and using hand sanitizers, and we are keeping our distance and avoiding crowded areas. There are many lessons we can learn in what is happening now. We can be a resilient people. We have been before...we can be again. All those people who die every year during the flu season? Well, if we were more of a mask wearing culture, we could keep that number down, as well.

We are having to adapt to a different life now. We’ve had it pretty darned easy all these years. If we could have gotten a hold on this in the beginning, we’d be in a different place now, but that’s water under the bridge. This is where we are now. So, this is where we need to build our new foundation for the future. Getting the vaccine into arms is a monumental undertaking. I am immensely proud of what we have accomplished here in West Virginia. Governor Jim Justice and his team have done a tremendous job of showing the country how it’s done.

It’s coming...help is on the way!

““ ‘Nevertheless, I will bring health and healing to it; I will heal my people and will let them enjoy abundant peace and security.”
Jeremiah 33:6 NIV

Day 312: Covid Vaccine #1...Check!

Fri, 22 Jan 2021 02:30:00 -0600

My good friend “Sparky” sent me a link early Tuesday morning and said to go there to sign up for the Covid vaccine. I hit send around 9:00am Tuesday. Sparky called yesterday morning on her way home from getting her first shot. She advised me to answer the phone when it rings, even if I don’t recognize the number, because volunteers were using their personal cell phones to call you to schedule. I made sure the sound was turned up and sure enough, around 2:00 yesterday afternoon, they called to see if we could be there at 4:12. I told her we absolutely would be there!

We arrived a few minutes early and were greeted by a nice man who directed us to a parking space. He said we should walk up to the two men at the table by the sidewalk five minutes before our scheduled time. They flagged us in. Another man opened the outside doors, a third opened the inside doors. A fourth man walked right up to us and directed us to the next available clerk. It took maybe three minutes to get signed in. We turned around and a man was waiting for us to follow him into another room. He directed us to two empty chairs.

The nurse practitioner introduced herself, confirmed my name and birthdate, asked me several questions, told me what to expect, then gave me my shot. Several years ago, I got hives after taking an antibiotic, so instead of waiting the required fifteen minutes to make sure I didn’t have any adverse reaction, I was given a pink card and asked to wait thirty. I felt nothing remarkable and we were sent on our way. No lines. Forty minutes start to finish.

West Virginia has the unusual distinction of being Number 1 in the country as far as per capita vaccinations for Covid. I have to say, our Governor may come across as quite a doofus from time to time, but they’ve got this down to a science and if it keeps going this way, we’re doing a great job. I’m very proud to be a Mountaineer.

As soon as we got to the truck, we both took two extra strength Tylenol to ward off any side effects, like muscle or joint pain and fever. As of this writing, just before bedtime last night, I didn’t feel anything amiss. I am so relieved to get this first shot behind us. We received the Moderna vaccine, so we will get the second dose on February 18th. Once the second dose is in and two weeks pass, we should have our antibodies built up with a 95% effective rate. Then, I can go to Florida for my surgery...and a little beach time!!!

We are aware we will still need to wear our masks and use good hand washing techniques and keep our distance, but we can breathe a little easier and start doing a little more. Once enough of us have the vaccines, we will develop herd immunity and we will reach a semblance of normalcy. No...there are no little microchips running around inside my body. The vaccine will not change my DNA nor will it alter my brainwaves in any way. It is not the “mark of the beast”. What it will do is tell my cells “This is what a Covid-19 virus looks like. When you see it, kill it.”

Some people think this vaccine was created way too fast and was put out way too quickly. But the science behind this vaccine is the same one that kept Ebola from getting out and killing the world. Picture a taxi cab carrying little army men to the sites they are needed. For each enemy, the soldier needs to carry a specific weapon. What science has discovered is the taxi cab. For Covid, the soldiers carry this weapon. When it’s a different virus someday down the road, the scientists can send the little soldiers off with a different weapon, but they can ride in the same taxi. The taxi was built before Covid spread. Once the Chinese geneticists released the gene sequence for the covid virus, all the scientists had to do, was get just the right info into the ammunition the soldiers carried and send them in their little taxis in all the test subjects to make sure everything worked. They gave some of them the right ammo. They gave the rest sterile water. Then they documented EVERYTHING, gathered the data, and submitted the information for an Emergency Use Authorization.

I hope this simplifies things and helps you to understand the process a little better. My last job before retirement was Clinical Pharmaceutical Research Associate for a huge Multiple Sclerosis study. This is what I did for a living, so once I saw the data that was coming in, I had no qualms about taking the vaccine. I trust science, I trust Dr. Fauci, and I believe now that we are getting a solid plan in place, we’ll start seeing light at the end of the tunnel. Last night, Dr. Fauci said the data looks like we MIGHT be heading into a plateau, but things are still going to be bad for another month or two. That’s when we begin to head into warmer weather, people will be able to get outside more, more vaccines will be in arms, and hopefully more people are following health guidelines to prevent the spread. We still need to keep our eyes on the variants that are showing up, but the rest of this is marginally optimistic as far as I’m concerned.

“dear friend, and I pray all goes well for you. I hope you are as strong in body, as I know you are in spirit.”
3 John 1:2 CEV

Day 310: Sunshine, Land, and Pollination

Wed, 20 Jan 2021 02:30:00 -0600

After lingering snow flurries yesterday morning, the sun was shining through the kitchen window when I made my way to the coffeemaker. It was a gorgeous day, albeit quite chilly. I worked on the website again most of the day and I’m 3/4ths of the way through June 2016. I finally quit in the late afternoon and went for a walk around the perimeter of our acreage. The ground is soft and wet. Interestingly, in a swath about ten feet wide, all the way around, the ground was full of humped up ground where moles and voles dig tunnels looking for grubs.

I’m still considering how to make the area more pollinator friendly while maintaining the aesthetics of a neat and tidy property. I do love the look of the vast green fields when they are freshly mown on a summer’s eve. I don’t love being a slave to the lawn tractor. As soon as I get finished with my website, my next project is to research plantings for birds, bees, and butterflies.

It felt nice to get outside and feel the sunshine on my face. I snapped a shot of TOW-Wanda with her “winter coat” on. She has a leak that needs fixing so I covered her up to avoid any more water damage. I’ll take her down to my friend Lynn’s RV Dealership in Huntington one of these days to get her fixed. I still want to sell her and get something smaller that’s easier to tow. I think we’ll be much more likely to get out and camp if we don’t have a huge camper to pull. There’s always the idea of getting a seasonal spot to camp on. Then you don’t have to tow...you just take your food with you and go to the campsite whenever you want to camp.

We are on two waiting lists for the Covid vaccines. As soon as we get our second shots, I can schedule my surgery and we’ll head to Florida for a week or two. That can’t happen soon enough to suit me...I need some sun and sand!

Prayers we all stay safe and healthy in the days and weeks ahead. And please....wear a mask, wash your hands, and mind your distance. We all really want this to be over.

““ ‘Do not pollute the land where you are. Bloodshed pollutes the land, and atonement cannot be made for the land on which blood has been shed, except by the blood of the one who shed it. Do not defile the land where you live and where I dwell, for I, the Lord, dwell among the Israelites.’ ””
Numbers 35:33-34 NIV

Day 295: When Surgery Sounds Exciting!

Tue, 05 Jan 2021 02:30:00 -0600

I’ve had seven surgeries in my life. When I go see a new doctor and they take a surgical history, I laugh and tell them it’s quicker to tell them what I have left than it is to tell them what all I’m missing. No one relishes having surgery. But, yesterday...I finally got the word I’ve been waiting for for the last three years. I had a phone consult with an endocrine surgeon yesterday and he said, after carefully reviewing all my studies, lab results and medical history, I need to have a tumor removed from my parathyroid gland.

This is NOT an easy diagnosis to get. The average family doctor doesn’t deal with a lot of parathyroid disease so it’s not really high on their radar. Only about 100,000 people are diagnosed with PHPT (Primary Hyperparathyroidism) every year in the United States. I have always said, if it can be gotten...I will get it. You have to be persistent and do your homework and press for the tests you need.

I am sure mine started about four years ago. I was fit and exercising every day. Remember the huge staircase I was climbing several times a week. This whole parathyroid journey started with a sharp pain in my foot that would not go away. Then it started migrating, my memory got bad, I had worsening reflux, I couldn’t sleep, and I was c-r-a-n-k-y! When the doctor started saying he had no idea what it was and kinda intimated it was all in my head, I just shut up about it. Then, quite by accident, a nurse practitioner who was checking my blood pressure asked me if there was anything going on in my life (other than my husband’s two recent strokes). I mentioned the pain, she ordered more specific blood tests, and nearly a year later...we have success.

That’s not bad, really. I am a member of a parathyroid support group on Facebook. Many of the people there had to got through several years with several doctors before they got a diagnosis. This leads me to think perhaps that 100,000 number of diagnoses is an underestimation. Now I wait to talk with the scheduler. I’m thinking I should wait till Mr. FixIt and I get our vaccines before we head to Florida for surgery. Just knowing someone believes me and I’m not going crazy is quite reassuring, so I can wait a while longer. This is one surgery I am really looking forward to because this is a definitive cure. You remove the tumor and you get better.

In the meantime, there’s plenty to do around here. We’re going to get back to work on the bathroom renovation and get things fixed up around here. Mr. FixIt’s strokes slowed us down tremendously last year. It’s time to catch up now that he’s doing so much better.

“...I pray all goes well for you. I hope you are as strong in body, as I know you are in spirit.”
3 John 1:2 CEV

Day 288: My Mirror Lies!

Tue, 29 Dec 2020 02:30:00 -0600

The house here on the Ponderosa was built in the ‘70s. The closets have sliding mirrored doors, strategically placed so that when I roll out of bed in the morning, my dimply white cheese thighs glare at me unforgivingly.

“Look what you’ve done to us,” they shout! “We used to be so pretty!!!”

I look at the mirror and say, “Shut up, you guys! You brought it on yourself. You’re the ones carrying me into the kitchen 500 times a day. Get a grip!”

I sit on the edge of the bed, feet dangling forlornly over the edge of the bed, and I sigh.

“It’s not my fault, you know. If we had proper wooden closet doors like they do in 21st Century houses, we wouldn’t be having this discussion, now would we? Hmmmmm?” I frown at my walking shoes peeking out from under the edge of the bed.

“And what about you guys? Where have YOU been?” I harrumph with disgust at the traitors hiding under my side of the bed. “I haven’t heard much out of you either!”

“Hey, don’t blame us...we’ve been calling your name for months now, but you don’t listen! And now look at where we all are.”

I’d love to say my mirror lies. So do my thighs and my running shoes. But it’s not true. It’s me. It’s been a hard year. And there were all those cookies and breads and pies and stuff to bake and cook and can. Now...it’s time to pay the piper.

It’s supposed to be a beautiful day today...not too cool. Just right to get out and walk some of these baked goods off my ample backside and come back to the real world. It would be awful to get to the point where we can get out and do things again and I’d be six feet under from a heart attack or something. Nope, having this conversation with my thighs every morning has to stop. It’s time to get the walking shoes out and send this extra weight packing! After all...if all goes well, we’ll be having our 50th High School Reunion sometime in August of 2021! That’s something Mr. FixIt and I have really been looking forward to!!!

No need to wait till January 1st to start a New Year’s Resolution. Those never stick anyway. I just want to feel better. I don’t want my hips to hurt and make me have to toss and turn all night. I want to have more energy and less indigestion. I don’t want to live in leggings for the rest of my life.

My new mantra for 2021... “Use It or Lose It!”

“You surely know that your body is a temple where the Holy Spirit lives. The Spirit is in you and is a gift from God. You are no longer your own. God paid a great price for you. So use your body to honor God.”
1 Corinthians 6:19-20 CEV

Day 282: I’ll Be (at) Home for Christmas...You’re Always in my Dreams

Mon, 21 Dec 2020 02:30:00 -0600

I have been in a whirlwind the last couple of weeks, as I’m sure you all have been as well. Shopping, wrapping, baking...and baking...and baking some more. Along with the baking comes a little nibbling here and there. Hey, it’s called quality control, right? It is really not a problem till your body puts on the brakes and says, “Whoa, lady! What the heck are you trying to do to me???” Yeah...that was me yesterday morning.

I’ve been sleeping well the last week...mostly out of sheer exhaustion, I’m sure. But Saturday was one of those toss and turn nights. When I finally got to sleep in the wee hours of the morning, it wasn’t long till I jerked awake suddenly at a strange sound. I sat up and looked around the room. There was sweet Mr. FixIt....sound asleep...and singing away! I shushed him and he just kept right on singing. I smiled to myself. Whatever he was dreaming, he was sure having fun. I shook him gently and he rolled over. I laid back down, but sleep was over.

I got up and padded into the kitchen to start my coffee and sat down to read the news. You know, there’s a lot in the news this year that is upsetting for the strongest at heart. As I said in my post yesterday, I’ve been feeling the strain of the year in not seeing my loved ones like I want to. Between that, and the virus, and the news...and overdosing on sweets...I just felt sick. I had nothing pressing that needed to be done, so I ended up laying back down after Mr. FixIt got up.

Sometimes a little self care is all you need to get yourself back on track. As I laid there, having my conversation with Jesus, I was reminded I could look at this in two ways. I could see the coming weeks with trepidation and fear of the unknown. Or, I could look forward to the joy after the trials and tribulations that come with life. I chose joy, pulled the covers up around my chin, and closed my eyes.

My step-daughter and her boyfriend came over in the late afternoon to exchange gifts. At first we had a fire, but it started drizzling. So, we sat on the front porch with the propane heater running and had a lovely visit as a misty, gray rain fell. It was so nice to see them. We sent the gifts for the grandkids and their babies and will look forward to a socially distanced visit somewhere down the line.

No, this Christmas doesn’t look anything like holidays past. But, if we are healthy, happy, and have many joyful times ahead to look forward to...together...we can make it through this. We are doing our part to try to flatten the curve and give the front line workers a break. I know, we’re all tired of this. But, we must keep calm and carry on. We have a personal responsibility to do everything we can to protect each other and bring these numbers DOWN.

Stay home. This is our gift to humanity.

“I’ll be home for Christmas...if only in my dreams.”

“The true light that shines on everyone was coming into the world.”
John 1:9 CEV

Day 271: A Day in Chemical Valley

Thu, 10 Dec 2020 02:30:00 -0600

I grew up five blocks from the Ohio River. The soundtrack of my life was the constant background noise of heavily laden trains and tugboats pushing barges up and down the river. Their cargo varied from coal to sand and gravel to gasoline and chemicals. Honestly, you never knew what dangers lurked just a few blocks away when you lay sleeping in your bed on those hot summer nights. The toots of the barges signaling the locks...the locks signaling back when it was ok to move forward.

Union Carbide, Bayer, Shell, Corning, Marbon, Viscose, DuPont, Johns Manville...all were as familiar to us as Wonder Bread and Borden’s. We didn’t think anything of it. These chemical, plastics, glass, and petroleum plants were our bread and butter. Like the coal fields of southern West Virginia and the steel mills up north, big chemical plants ruled the Mid-Ohio Valley. If our parents didn’t work there, we knew someone who did.

Occasionally there would be an accident or a fire or a chemical spill at one of the local plants. But, before the EPA taught us the dangers of some of the things in our very backyards, we really never gave it too much thought. It was part and parcel of life here. I remember in grade school when the father of one of my classmates was killed at DuPont. It struck us on many levels. First, it taught us that parents can die. Second, it meant some jobs were dangerous. And, it gave us our first taste of death.

If you saw the documentary Dark Waters, you get an idea of the reckoning between big polluters and the little people who worked for them. DuPont worked with a chemical called C8 that leaked into the ground water all around where I grew up and caused cancers, deformed fetuses, and deaths. The people eventually won a settlement, but money is never enough to rectify a situation like that. Extremely expensive filtration systems have been installed to allow the drinking water from the aquifer below us to be potable because...C8 is a “forever chemical”. It will never break down and is here to stay.

They don’t use C8 anymore. One of my friends spent his entire career working for DuPont...the last several years in a lab trying to come up with a C8 substitute but they were still not successful when he retired. DuPont sold out to a French company called Chemours who subsequently sublease their facilities to other companies manufacturing any number of products.

Tuesday night at 10:00, when people were settling down to watch a little TV before bed, a loud explosion rocked the small communities surrounding the Chemours plant in Belle, West Virginia just south of Charleston...about a hundred miles from the Ponderosa. Amazingly, only four people were injured...one of whom died yesterday at an area hospital. A young man in his 30’s with a family won’t be home for Christmas...or any other holiday. Things are a lot cleaner now and much safer, but still...accidents happen. There’s still a much higher level of cancer here than most places.

West Virginia is a beautiful state. But the wealthy robber barons have continually raped my home state of her natural resources and left her permanently scarred and polluted. The price of progress? Or the “taking advantage” of simple Appalachians trying to get by the best they can? We were resource rich and education poor and it’s hard to complain when “The Man” was putting the bread in your children’s bellies.

I’ll never forget the time I flew into the Charleston Airport one summer. We were approaching from the south...not the way I commonly arrived. I looked out the window of the plane and the tops of the mountains...MY MOUNTAINS...were just...GONE! They were shaved off the top in a new, quicker, cheaper method of strip mining. The landscape has been permanently altered. Farmland that’s been handed down from generation to generation has wide, treeless paths cut through virgin timber to allow gas and oil pipelines to pass through. It breaks my heart and makes me sick.

All in the name of fossil fuels. Large, gas-guzzling SUV’s. Mr. FixIt and I contribute with our two pickup trucks so I can’t even complain. I pray for a cleaner world and for some way for my fellow Mountaineers to make a living once the switch is made. We have to do something more than pray. We have to change. And change doesn’t come easy, so I’ve found.

““ ‘Do not pollute the land where you are. Bloodshed pollutes the land, and atonement cannot be made for the land on which blood has been shed, except by the blood of the one who shed it. Do not defile the land where you live and where I dwell, for I, the Lord, dwell among the Israelites.’ ””
Numbers 35:33-34 NIV

Day 256: And Waiting Some More

Wed, 25 Nov 2020 02:30:00 -0600

Grandma’s Christmas Bells

Well...fiddle fiddle, as my mother used to say. I waited around yesterday, hoping the phone would ring and I’d get the results of my Covid test. By 12:30, I decided to call the number where I left the message on Monday. The kind lady not only directed me to the nurse’s line, but she also sent her a message stating the importance of my call. I left a voicemail and asked that she call me back.

About an hour later, I received a call from Christina, the nurse. She asked again for my name and date of birth, then told me she had no record of me in her system.

“I have to be there! You all even called me back to get my information.”

“I’m sorry...it’s just not here. Where exactly did you receive your test?”

“In the back there...by the ER.”

“Ohhhhhh....you had that done at ______________.”

“Yes, I did.” I said. “Ummmm....where are you?”

“I’m over here in _____________.”

“Well, that makes sense. Do you have a tent out front?”

“Yes,” she said.

“Well, the first woman I spoke to when I was driving over told me to come to the tent, but there wasn’t one.”

Oy.

I got the correct number from her and called. And....the results aren’t back. All of the results for the day were already there.

“I’m so sorry. You’ll have to try again tomorrow.”

Which is today. Which is the day before Thanksgiving.

OY!

I had to call my sweetheart and tell him. He is the most understanding man on the planet. I’m so tempted to just go home because I feel fine. The only thing I am experiencing now is it tastes like I have a mouthful of nickels for some reason. The Vit C or Zinc, perhaps. But...what if? What if it was positive? I sure don’t want my sweetie to get sick. Of course, even if it was positive, the longer I’m here, the less contagious I would be. So, today I’ll make an executive decision...one way or the other.

I love my breaks away...but three days and I’m ready to get home. I always used to think “old people” were such fuddyduddies wanting to go home, sleep in their own beds. Now it’s ME. Now, how did THAT happen??? lol

“Gray hair is a glorious crown worn by those who have lived right.”
Proverbs 16:31 CEV

Day 254: Waiting it Out

Mon, 23 Nov 2020 02:30:00 -0600

As I hunker down here at the farm, an alert came over the phone. Rain is coming. Plink. Plink. Plink. You hear the first drops hit the tin roof. Before long, you know it will sound like bacon frying. If it rains hard enough, it turns to a roar. I smile as I remember all the rainstorms of my youth in this house. There was this one time when it rained in the back yard, but not a drop in the front!

If it rains hard enough, I’ll hear the water running in the creek outside Grandma’s bedroom window. But, as I write this, a gentle rain falls. I don’t watch TV, but when I want to feel cozy here on a chilly day, I turn it on and find the channel that plays a blazing fireplace...complete with snaps and crackles. There’s nothing better than the sounds and sights of a crackling fire AND rain on a tin roof.

I’m still here, waiting for word from the results of my Covid test. I still have a cough. I still have a backache. I’m still really tired. I know it’s something...probably just a cold...but I can’t risk making my sweetheart sick. So here I sit. My friend Diane called me the other night and told me our little town is delivering Thanksgiving meals. I called and ordered two. When I get home, I’ll make a couple pumpkin pies and we’ll call it good.

Yes, it sucks to not have our family around for the holidays this year. But, imagine what it was like during the 1918 influenza pandemic? For us, it means no TV...no Hallmark Christmas Movies or football games or even reruns of Andy Griffith. No electronics, no internet...few diversions. In 1918, the first wave was relatively mild with few deaths, the disease lasting about three days. When it came back in the fall, it killed with a vengeance wiping out entire families. No promise of a vaccine. No lifesaving super meds. Covid is rising rapidly here and I’ll do everything I can to keep it from hitting my home and my family. If it means empty chairs now, it increases the odds of full chairs down the road.

I’m praying my test is negative. Because, if it isn’t, I’ll be having Thanksgiving here at the farm alone and my sweetheart will be at the house alone, as well. My gut tells me it’s negative. I just don’t feel sick enough for it to be Covid...at least from what I hear about symptoms. Still, I’ll wait it out, listening to the rain on a tin roof, and feel so grateful for this safe place...this “home of my heart”.

“My people will live in peaceful dwelling places, in secure homes, in undisturbed places of rest.”

Isaiah 32:18 NIV

Day 253: Can You Say...Quarantine?

Sun, 22 Nov 2020 02:30:00 -0600

I woke up yesterday with a stuffy head. I didn’t think I felt too bad till I attempted to get out of bed. Then I felt as though I perhaps had been in a tractor pull...sans tractor. As the morning wore on, the cough and the sneezing started. I just didn’t feel good. I went on the DHS website and took their assessment questionnaire and it advised I go in for testing. My initial thought was, “Yeah...I’ll see how I feel tomorrow.” Then Daughter #1 happened to send a video chat request. After hearing my story, she strongly suggested I go get tested.

Now, remember...I’m out at the farm. I can’t go near Mr. FixIt. So I called the nearest clinic and were told they do Covid testing. The gal said to “come to the tent and call this number. I’ll take your info and send someone out to do the swab.” It was about a twenty minute drive out to this little tiny rural hospital/clinic. I pulled out the envelope with the phone number, opened my phone screen and...zero cell service. I don’t know what they can get there...but it’s not Verizon. And, there was no tent. I drove around the buildings until I finally found three parking spots with “Covid Testing Parking” on a piece of printer paper taped to a pole.

I gloved and masked up and timidly went in the front foyer of the emergency department. The lady came and asked what I needed. She sent me back out to the truck, and came out about five minutes later with the test kit. This swab only went in about a half inch or so. It wasn’t the foot long swab that goes a full 4-5 inches up your nose. I don’t mind that, except I do want what is most reliable. She sent me home with directions to isolate till I get the results in three days when they’ll call me.

Now I’m doing what I can to feel better. Zinc and Vitamin C for immune boosters, anti-inflammatory for pain and fever reduction, fluids and rest. I have a stack of magazines and my electronics and my little mini-fridge of food. I was really looking forward to getting back home to see my sweetheart. I know I love a break and a little R&R, but now I’m missing my “boyfriend”.

It’s not all bad, though. I have another stretch of time to love on this house. The same house my grandma adored. It was the Taj Mahal to her. I look around at this old bedroom. The holes in the plaster where nails hung pictures till enough of the plaster was lost and the nail no longer held. I try to remember what was hung in each spot. A calendar from the feed store, perhaps. Or, more likely, a school picture of one of us kids.

Grandma was what we called “picture poor”. She might not have had a whole lot, but that woman always had film in her camera and every trip to the farm involved pictures. We would stop and get her pictures for her from the store and take them to the farm with a sack of groceries. After lunch, we all gathered around to look at grandma’s pictures. No one said a word about her photography. She had a habit of standing so far away from her subjects, you had no idea who they were. But, they were always standing in front of some flowers. Grandma loved her posies.

Resting here in her bed, I listen for her voice coming back down the halls of my memory. Her laugh. Her sayings. Her quiet judgment. Her gentle love. Her strong hand that she didn’t mind swatting your backside with when you acted a fool. I see her on a sunny day with freshly washed hair glistening with streaks of silver against the dark hair of her youth that refused to leave entirely. She washed her hair in a bucket of rainwater heated on the stove. She rinsed it with cool rainwater she dipped from the barrel at the corner of the house. She kept an old enamel saucepan hanging on a nail precisely for that purpose.

When my children were very small, she would get the step stool for them. They stood on the stool and combed her long hair over and over till it dried. Then she would whip it around and around with a few swift turns and pin it into a bun. I smile at that thought because I’ve taken to wearing my own silver-streaked hair in a bun, too. One of these days, when Covid is over and we are free to do as we will, I will have a family picnic here at the farm to celebrate. And, maybe my own little three-year-old great granddaughter will stand on that very same stool and comb MY hair.

The circle of life.

“Children are a blessing and a gift from the Lord. Having a lot of children to take care of you in your old age is like a warrior with a lot of arrows.”
Psalms 127:3-4 CEV

Day 252: Praying, Praying, Praying

Sat, 21 Nov 2020 02:30:00 -0600

When I left the house Wednesday morning, I headed to the clinic to drop off a specimen then headed out to the farm for my R&R. I had to sit in the clinic for an hour in the main waiting room. People were spaced apart and wearing masks. But, still...I was inside in a medical clinic...for an hour. I wasn’t really happy about it. All I wanted to do was drop off the specimen and leave. But, rules is rules, right?

I realized as I headed to the farm...I totally forgot to pack a cooler with some food. I stopped at McDonald’s and got some breakfast sandwiches, and at the Dollar General on the two-lane on the way to my destination. I was only planning to stay two nights, so that was plenty. I had boatloads of laundry to do and was finishing up the last of it yesterday morning, when my nose started dripping. My throat felt scratchy. I was coughing a little.

Uh-oh.

I didn’t like the sound (or feel) of that. If I picked up something in that waiting room or Dollar General or McDonald’s drive-thru, I sure as the dickens didn’t want to take anything home to my sweetheart. I called him, and thankfully...he feels just fine. I told him how I was feeling and that I thought I’d better just stay put till I make sure it isn’t anything to be concerned about. I hope it’s just allergies from this dusty old farmhouse.

There is a small service station and convenience store about seven miles from the farm. I wore two masks and gloves and didn’t come anywhere near anyone when I got there. I grabbed some food really quickly and was in and out of there in a whipstitch and headed back to the farm. The laundry is done and hanging in the bathroom, air drying the knits. I have a stack of magazines and my iPad and phone. I have plenty of food to last a little while. I’m sure it’s nothing and I’ll be heading home to Mr. FixIt soon.

But, in the meantime...we wait.

“From the church leader. To my dear friend Gaius. I love you because we follow the truth, dear friend, and I pray all goes well for you. I hope you are as strong in body, as I know you are in spirit.”
3 John 1:1-2 CEV

Day 248: Covid...Worse Than Glitter

Tue, 17 Nov 2020 02:30:00 -0600

Are you crafty? Have you ever worked with glitter? If you have, then you know you cannot work with glitter indoors without finding it in every crevice of your home...for the rest of eternity. It is simply impossible to get rid of.

Remember those body washes and facial scrubbers with those little tiny micro beads in them? Entire city water systems were shut down in an attempt to remove the sediment left behind that consisted of...tiny micro beads.

Ever try to eat a meal in a house full of pets without finding hair in your food? Ever have a coffee filter collapse in the pot and end up with grounds floating in your cup and sediment in the bottom? Ever go to the beach and have sand end up in places where you definitely wouldn’t put an emery board?

All those things are plenty big enough to see with the naked eye and you still can’t avoid them.

What if you could SEE the Covid-19 virus???

What if you walked into a shop or restaurant and these big orbs were floating around...hovering over people...spewing out of their mouths when they laughed? What if you went into church and the choir and the people sitting beside you and behind you started singing and clouds of spiky balls of virus came at you and clung to your hair and your clothes and your skin? What if, when you inhaled to sing the next refrain, those sticky spiky balls drew into your mouth and nose and lodged in the tiny little air sacs in your lungs?

And, what if...after church or after being at the store...you stopped to check on your elderly neighbor or your niece with the new baby and you snuggled in for a nice hug and a kiss on the cheek? Or maybe you went to your book club or your grandkid’s swim meet?

What if there was something so simple you could do to keep these spiky basketballs from sticking in your lungs or the lungs of those you love? Until there’s some way of knowing who will get really sick and who will just feel kinda puny, there’s no way of knowing the effect that visit may have.

There are an awful lot of people who think Covid is nothing...it’s overblown...we’re turning a corner. Well, we may be “turning a corner” but it’s not to any street we want to go down...of that I am certain. The numbers are rising exponentially.

A friend shared a post with me yesterday. The person posting is an ICU nurse. He’s been working long, hard days. He says it is so horrifying to hear someone screaming because they can’t catch their breath. He says there are many....far TOO many who scream and say, “It can’t be Covid! Covid isn’t real! There has to be something wrong with me and you aren’t finding it!!! You have to find out what’s really wrong with me!” He says the screaming only stops when they get intubated.

It isn’t politics.

Let me say that again.

Covid isn’t political.

It’s a virus.

It is real.

It can be deadly...like Russian roulette.

This is science.

Thanksgiving is coming fast. We have elected to not gather at our house this year. We hate that...we really do. But we have family members with underlying medical conditions. And I will do everything in my power to keep my family safe and healthy.

Please....please....please....do everything you can to help reel this pandemic in and gain some sort of control. The vaccines are coming, but in the meantime, we are forced indoors because of the weather. That close contact is the same as using a leaf blower on a pile of glitter...it’s going to contaminate everything and everybody.

I know you’re tired of this. I know you want this to be over with. I know you want everything to get back to normal. So do I.

Let’s be good Americans! Let’s band together and kick Covid to the curb! Let’s be patriots and look out for each other!!! Let’s take some pride in ourselves and be the leaders we are meant to be! Let’s be encouragers! Let’s not scold the non-maskers. Let’s encourage them. Let’s thank those who are wearing masks so they know they are appreciated. And do it in front of non-maskers. Keep some extra masks in a ziplock baggie to offer to those who may not have one.

Let’s get this done so we can put this horrible event behind us and bring as many people through it as we can.

We know what to do!!!

We can do this, America!

“This is why you must encourage and help each other, just as you are already doing.”
1 Thessalonians 5:11 CEV

Day 245: More Foodi Fun!

Sat, 14 Nov 2020 02:30:00 -0600

OMGosh! The longer I have this new kitchen toy, the more I absolutely love it! I was skeptical when I saw the picture of the golden brown, perfectly roasted, crispy-skinned chicken in the little cookbook that came with my Ninja Foodi. I mean, who hasn’t had trouble getting a product to come out looking like the photo on the box, right? Well, I am here to tell you, I made the BEST roasted chicken last night for supper and it was a “piece of cake”, so to speak.

When I saw the time had crept away from me and it was going on 5:00, I thought I’d have to wait another night before I cooked the chicken I bought Thursday. I was planning on trying the recipe for the Foodi and when I saw the times listed, I figured...what the heck, I’d give it a shot. Preparing the chicken itself was simple.

I removed the giblets from the cavity, gave it a good rinse, and tied the legs together with kitchen twine. I added lemon juice, water, honey, fresh thyme, garlic, salt, and whole peppercorns to the bottom of the cook pot of the Ninja Foodi. I place the whole chicken in the air fryer basket and lowered it into the cook pot and placed the pressure cooker lid on. I set the pressure to HI and the time to 22 minutes and set to peeling three Yukon Gold potatoes.

A few weeks ago, I found a small pressure cooker at a thrift store. It’s not much bigger than a large saucepan. I placed the potatoes in the bottom on the steamer rack, added a generous cup of water, and placed the lid on but didn’t light the burner. I opened a jar of the half runner beans I canned this fall and set them on to simmer with a pat of butter and a tiny bit of bacon grease for flavor.

I mixed up some gravy and set it on the back burner to simmer. About that time, the timer went off on the Foodi. I let it cool on it’s own for 5 minutes before I opened the vent and released the pressure. I gently patted the skin with a paper towel and spritzed the skin with a touch of olive oil, then sprinkled with cracked seas salt and ground pepper. I let the air fryer lid down but didn’t turn it on yet. I just wanted the chicken to stay hot. When the pressure cooker got up to temp and the weight started jiggling a little, I set the time for 8 minutes.

I turned the air fryer on, set the temp to 400 degrees and the timer to 10 minutes. The timer for the potatoes went off a few minutes before the air fryer was finished. I let it cool a bit then released the steam. When it was almost finished venting, I ran some water over the lid to finish exhausting the pressure rapidly. I strained out the potatoes, put them in a dish with a little butter, and mashed them by hand.

The timer went off on the air fryer at the same time the mashed potatoes were ready. The gravy had been turned down to simmer so it was hot, as were the green beans. All that was left was to take the chicken out of the pot and plate everything up. We had a delicious meal in less than 45 minutes! I was stunned! And ohhhhhhh....the chicken was as melt-in-your-mouth tender as a rotisserie chicken from the deli but without all that sodium. And the skin was indeed golden brown and crispy. Seriously, the only way you could tel you hadn’t roasted that chicken was how moist and tender the meat was.

My forays in the world of kitchen appliances have not always been wildly successful, but I have to say, this was the best investment I’ve ever made. I can’t wait to try other things like ribs and roast.

Oh, and speaking of appliances, Mr. FixIt and I were having our coffee yesterday, watching the news when he asked, “Do you remember if that microwave we ordered yesterday had a recirculating exhaust or external vent?” I remembered talking to the sales person earlier, but to be honest, I couldn’t remember if we discussed that feature when we actually placed the order. He called Lowe’s and, wouldn’t you know...it was the wrong kind of vent. We don’t have a vent that goes outside. So, we had to call and cancel the microwave. Mr. FixIt started researching more microwaves after supper.

It’s always something, isn’t it?

“Jesus took the bread in his hands and gave some of it to his disciples. He did the same with the fish.”
John 21:13 CEV

#NinjaFoodi, #CovidCooking, #AirFryer

Day 244: Surprises...Bad & Good

Fri, 13 Nov 2020 02:30:00 -0600

One of my bonus granddaughters lost her beloved Lulu yesterday when she got hit by a car. Fur babies are such a part of our hearts and as much a member of the family as their little two legged siblings. It broke my heart to hear her tears over the phone as she is such a strong young woman. I know her heart will heal with time, but Lulu will always be a part of her heart.

We learned of her loss on our way home from Lowe’s. Earlier in the day, I tried to heat up something in the microwave and...nothing. The turntable worked, as did the light and the fan, but no heating. Mr. FixIt fiddled around with it for a while to no avail. Fortunately, that “happy hoarder” had a small microwave out in the building and we set it up on the kitchen counter to make do for the time being.

Isn’t it amazing how you become so reliant on modern conveniences? I use a small 4-cup Mr. Coffee coffeemaker as Mr. FixIt drinks tea. I use a 16oz. Tervis insulated cup for my coffee and by the time I’ve finished the first one, the coffeemaker has timed out and turned itself off. If I decide to have the other half of that pot, I have to put my sweetener and Half & Half in it with the lukewarm coffee and pop it in the microwave. Even knowing full well the microwave was not working, I still found myself automatically opening the door to warm up that second cup. We are such creatures of habit.

So, off to Lowe’s we went. We have a black stove and they didn’t have a black microwave in stock. Some appliance manufacturers have finished producing product for the year and the one we really wanted wouldn’t be in till March of next year! We settled on a Samsung that’s just as good and will be in on December 5th...allegedly. We’ll see. Large appliances are not easy to find these days. Just ask for anyone looking for a freezer!

My biggest news of the day yesterday came in the form of a video conference with an endocrinologist in Texas. I’ve been trying to get answers to a medical issue I’ve been having for the last three years. It started with a sharp, stabbing pain between my second and third toe on my left foot. Then, the pain moved some there else, only to migrate on to a different spot within a few days. Mostly my feet and legs, arms and hands. The pain has caused me to stop exercising like I was, and consequently, my weight has ballooned. Other weird symptoms like insomnia, hair loss, exhaustion, brain fog, difficulty concentrating & focusing, crabby mood, headaches...just a general “I don’t feel good but I don’t know how to explain it”. Honestly, you feel like you’re developing dementia. My calcium was high, my Vitamin D was low, and my PTH (parathyroid hormone) was three times normal.

Most doctors don’t have a lot of experience with parathyroid disease. I’ve read, the average time it takes to diagnose it is three years and ten doctors. Well, it’s been three years and four doctors and I finally have a referral to a surgeon. I’m going to the top...the Norman Parathyroid Center in Tampa. They are the world’s experts in the parathyroid. As a matter of fact...that’s all they do. If you have to have a parathyroid tumor removed, you want a surgeon who does a high volume of cases. For instance, the endocrine surgeons at WVU do an average of 30 parathyroidectomies in a year. The Norman Parathyroid Center does nearly that many in two days.

I know this may be TMI, but if you have these symptoms and a high calcium, go to parathyroid.com and read about this disease. A friend of mine just had the surgery a couple of weeks ago and she said within hours, the pain she has been dealing with for YEARS was just...gone. She is sleeping better, she isn’t cranky, she wakes up in the morning ready to go. It’s amazing. I’m not sure if I will qualify for surgery till I get the work up from the Norman Center, but I am so incredibly encouraged that we are on the right path now. It feels amazing when a doctor actually hears you and listens. Thank you, God!

“If medicine and doctors may be found in Gilead, why aren't my people healed?”
Jeremiah 8:22 CEV

Day 204: 2020....Seriously, Would Someone Just Yell BINGO & Get This Year Over With!!!

Sat, 03 Oct 2020 01:30:00 -0600

In times of great stress, gallows humor comes into play as a way to cope. When Hubby #2 was in medical school, the “jokes” and “funny” one-liners came rapid fire on the Friday nights when his fellow students came to our house. They would sit on the stoop and drink a beer and talk trash. They had to. If not, they never would have survived the brutality they were faced with on a daily basis. I remember listening with frank shock, wondering how on earth these men and women were ever going to become compassionate physicians.

Some didn’t survive...at least not in any real functional way. Others barely made it through, forever broken by a system that systematically took every bit of tenderness and goodness from them creating angry cynics...old before their time. Still, most made it through relatively unscathed because they saw their days as a series dumpster fires they needed to put out...one by one.

If 2020 hasn’t been a classic dumpster fire of epic medical school proportions, I will turn in my secret Med School Wife Decoder Ring and go home. It seems like every single day we are challenged with something bigger, something badder, something scarier than the day before. It’s giving people PTSD...unless of course, you were gifted with that particular monster through some other equally awful life experience. Then it’s just compounded.

The thing we have to remember is...God can take the very worst dumpster fires, turn them around, and use them for good. For you and for me and for any other person on the street. When we look at the collective ****show this year has been, it’s really difficult to see how anything good can come from this. It’s there, though. You just have to look to see it.

This is an uncertain time...an unsettled time. Pray for peace. Pray for our country and our President and First Lady. I may not agree with his politics, but this is not the time for bashing. This is the time for praying the evil out of this world. And praying for healing.

So, whenever I see that sense of renewed cooperation, I will put a little fuel on that fire. A little encouragement. A little “atta boy”. A little gratitude. I’ll blow on it with good words, nurturing a flame from the smallest embers until a roaring bonfire takes hold.

Yes...God can do miraculous things with dumpster fires. Just you wait and see.

❤️

“You let people ride over our heads; we went through fire and water, but you brought us to a place of abundance.”
Psalms 66:12 NIV

Day 157: A Funny Thing Happened on the Way...

Sat, 22 Aug 2020 01:20:00 -0600

God has a sense of humor. He knows when we’ve had it up to here. That’s when he sends you something so patently absurd, you can’t help but break out into a belly laugh. That’s one of the ways the Great Healer heals...He brings us laughter.

Mr. FixIt and I had a laundry list of things that needed doing yesterday in town...one of which was to mail some overdue greeting cards. There were two condolence cards and a graduation card, so I sat down to write. I filled out the first card and wrote a lovely note. As I prepared to start the second condolence card, Mr. FixIt interrupted me as he was looking for the graduation announcement. We needed it for the address to send the graduation card.

I told him not to worry, I would just text his sister to get the address. It wasn’t long till she and I were chatting back and forth. She gave me the address and I wrote it on the envelope. As we chatted about the smoked pork I canned last week, I wrote the sentiment in the card and popped it in the envelope.

Then I reached for.... Suddenly, I was puzzled. The only card left was the graduation card. If that’s the case...what was I writing in? I opened the envelope and there was the sympathy card...addressed to the young graduate! I started laughing, because I could just imagine which one would be funnier.

The new graduate with...

Remembering you 
in thought and prayer...

Let there be hope.
Let there be stories.
Let there be celebration
of a life well-lived.
Let there be tears,
but let there be happy memories
of all you shared.

or...

My cousin, the new widow, with the handwritten sentiment....

“Congratulations on your
Graduation & Best Wishes 
in your Future Endeavors!”

I told my cousin about it last night and we laughed till we cried. I wonder which one I should send it to?

When we were leaving Walmart later in the afternoon, I walked by a woman on her cell phone. Her husband had wandered off and she was on the phone, trying to explain he should turn around and he could see her. Finally, she got frustrated and without the phone, she yelled his name.

“Marco!!!”

To which I turned around and shouted...

“Polo!!!”

We stood looking at each other for half a beat and literally doubled over laughing. Oh, you can’t make this stuff up!

Later in the day, I was on the phone with my son-in-law’s mom. Her husband and our granddaughter, “Little”, went to the nursing home to see her great grandmother yesterday afternoon. When she got home she said,

“Mimi, Grandma has gotten sick and almost died so many times in the last few years. There have been times Mom picked us up and we just went straight to the nursing home to say goodbye. Then she rallies and gets better. You know, I think most people go up there and knock on the doors of Heaven and are let right in. But, not Grandma. I think she rings the doorbell and runs!”

What a delightfully happy diversion laughter can be when things are so hard and dark. Laughter IS the best medicine!!!

And, oh...by the way...my cousin won. I’m sending HER the card...as is!

❤️

“Everything on earth has its own time and its own season......for crying and laughing, weeping and dancing,”
Ecclesiastes 3:1, 4 CEV

Day 153: Ahhhh...That’s More Like It!

Tue, 18 Aug 2020 01:30:00 -0600

I can almost feel the stress melting off my shoulders by the moment. After the last few hectic weeks, and then backing off from social media, I am much more centered and relaxed. The fact that the nights have been cooler and we’ve been “camping” out in our field at the Ponderosa. Sleeping in my camper always makes me a happy girl!

I worked on the website for a few hours yesterday while Mr. FixIt was at the dentist. When he got home, we hooked up the trailer and took the mowers out to the farm. We got about halfway there and the road was soaked. It was so cool to watch the steam rising up from the hot asphalt after the rain that had just passed through. It wasn’t too much further that the road was dry. We bet each other whether there was rain at the farm. I said there was...and I won. Not a bet I wanted to win, though. The grass was thick and wet and not easy to mow.

When we were at the farm last time, we noticed that the internet wasn’t working. I called to report it and left my phone number but never heard from anyone. I sat down to call and was on hold for quite some time when I looked out the window to see the neighbor’s garden. Lo and behold, there on the bird seed bin was a brand new modem the phone guy left for me. I hooked it up and we were back in business in five minutes flat!

Once the lawn was mowed and I had a good thirty minute video chat with Daughter #1, we packed back up and headed home. I told Mr. FixIt that I felt we definitely deserved ice cream after all that so we stopped at the Piggly Wiggly to get some. We happily munched out on a Magnum Double Caramel bar on the way home!

As soon as we had everything unhooked and put away, I made a beeline for the camper to write. It was a little stuffy after being closed up all day, but it was soon cool and comfortable from the strategically placed fans. We don’t have a single thing planned till the 29th! I’ve been letting the tomatoes ripen and I think today is the day to get them picked and canned. Seriously, it won’t amount to much once I cook them down. As soon as the garden is finished, it’s camping time for us!

I feel a hundred pounds happier!

❤️

“Our Lord, we belong to you. We tell you what worries us, and you won't let us fall. But what about those people who are cruel and brutal? You will throw them down into the deepest pit long before their time. I trust you, Lord!”
Psalms 55:22-23 CEV

Day 152: Crisis Fatigue...Stepping Away With a Soft Heart

Mon, 17 Aug 2020 01:30:00 -0600

When is too much WAY too much? Where do you draw the line and say enough is enough? How do you step back when you just can’t do any more?

I eased my world a lot the last couple of weeks when I snoozed, unfollowed, unfriended, and...yes...even blocked a few people on my personal Facebook page. My decision to stop posting, forwarding, and commenting on anything remotely controversial and/or political helped a lot. I’ve even stepped out of a few chat rooms with really wonderful people for no other reason than I just can’t take one more thing right now.

I don’t know about you but I’m facing a very real case of crisis fatigue. When the human body is presented with a crisis situation, it produces cortisol...the hormone responsible for our fight or flight response. That’s really handy if you happen to be camping and a great big bear wanders across your path. The heightened attention and rapid response is meant to save your life. But, this year has been like walking into the International Convention of Pissed Off Grizzly Bears....every...single...day. When that happens, it doesn’t take long for the wheels to come off the bus.

Increased anxiety. Insomnia. Weight gain. Hypertension. Cushing Syndrome. Relationship distress. Even bone loss. All can occur from prolonged elevated levels of cortisol. Plain and simple...it’s just not good for you.

According to an article in WIRED Magazine written by Matt Simon... "Crisis fatigue manifests itself on two levels. On a societal level, it can tempt people to collectively throw up their hands and give up on civic engagement. 'Why not, if we’re going to hell in a handcart? Let’s just enjoy tomorrow.' Matthew Flinders, founding director of Sir Bernard Crick Centre for the Public Understanding of Politics at the University of Sheffield, told WIRED earlier this week."

Since 9/11, we have had multiple episodes of acute crises...wildfires, financial strife, social unrest, politics, Covid, job loss. Basically, the sound of the planes hitting the Twin Towers has echoed through every part of American life for the last twenty years. If there is that much havoc in our lives, isn’t it really a small thing to step back a little from the tiny screens that are occupying so much of our waking moments?

I write every day...I have to. It’s a part of who I am and what I do. But, when I get my screen usage report and it tells me just how much time I am spending on these devices, I realize that isn’t healthy either. I have this one group of girlfriends whom I dearly love. We went to high school together. We are each other’s cheerleaders. We are there for one another as we face the challenges of life. And, as much as I love them, we get chatty in that room and by the end of the day we can easily have fifty or more notifications pinging on our phones.

I know...I cant turn off the notifications, but I suffer from FOMO...fear of missing out. I’m like my grandma in that regard. If the phone rang, she’d break her neck to get to it so she could find out who was calling. It may have been someone she really didn’t care to have a conversation with at the time, but by golly...she wasn’t going to miss out on the possibility it was someone else. So, when the phone “pings”, I have to pick it up. I read. I respond. I set the phone down. Someone else responds. “Ping!” Pick up. Respond. Set down. It’s crazy.

If I didn’t have anything else going on in my life, it wouldn’t bother me a bit. And, I feel a bit silly...a little guilty perhaps...but I had to step away. I sent them loving messages and said, “It’s not you...it’s me. I can’t right now. I’ll be back someday, but right now? I just can’t.” They get it. They’re feeling it, too. Maybe they don’t know there is a name for it. Maybe they don’t know how to step back...or maybe they don’t need to.

I think the bottom line here is...you can step away with a soft heart. You don’t have to hurt anyone’s feelings or get agitated or up in arms. You can just be honest. It’s all so much. Yes, I could have just turned off the notifications and picked up the phone when I had time. But, I’d still be spending the same amount of time reading the updates and catching up.

It’s not like the individuals in the group can’t reach me or vise-versa. We are still friends on Facebook. We are still connected and are but a text away should someone want to reach out. Between that, shutting down websites and forwarded sources that I do not want to see, and snoozing several of the more vocal suspects, I felt a collective sigh of relief once I was done.

It’s ok to step away. When I think of all the things I am apt to miss, it’s decidedly my peace of mind that I miss the most. I’m well on the way to lowering those cortisol levels and promoting some peace in my life. Because here’s what happens when you step away from something. You make space between you. And, you can allow that space to be used for parking the offenses between others and yourself.

Best they sit in that space unattended than to sit in the space between your ears.

❤️

“God's Spirit doesn't make cowards out of us. The Spirit gives us power, love, and self-control.”
2 Timothy 1:7 CEV

Day 151: My Shining Ray of Hope in a Phone Call

Sun, 16 Aug 2020 01:30:00 -0600

I worked on my website for a few hours yesterday. The office is across the wall from the television in the family room and my sweet hubby was snoozed out in his recliner with a shoot ‘em up action film going. I could feel every boom to my toes so I turned on my music. The booms melded with the tympani of the orchestra and soon I was blissfully lost in my work. Did I mention I hate television? We have agreed on a compromise. Until my second cup of coffee is done, there will only be old reruns of Andy Griffith on the TV. Then I can go do whatever else I want to do. Win-Win!

We had three inches of rain yesterday between 6:00am and 2:30pm. I sure wish we could send some out west to help with the fires. Our high temp yesterday was predicted to be 73 degrees. I will take a day like that anytime!

As soon as the rain let up, I packed up a few things and was about to head out the door to the camper when my phone rang. I was one of my dearest friends in the whole world calling from Colorado. She read my post yesterday and said, “You DON’T want to come to Colorado! The smoke is so bad, we can’t even go out of the house!” We went on to talk for an hour and I’m telling you...it was like salve to a sore place, as my grandma used to say.

Barbara and I are about ten years apart in age, yet my youngest and her oldest are only nine months apart. We became fast friends when her husband opened his practice in the same small Colorado town where Hubby #2 and I lived. She’s that friend you may not talk to frequently, but when you connect, the time seems to melt away. I felt 1000% percent better after talking to her and hearing she is going through much of the same things I am feeling with all that’s going on. I was her God appointment of the day...I am sure.

When we finally said our goodbyes, I grabbed my camping bag filled with books and writing implements and told Mr. FixIt I was “going camping”! So, as I am writing this, I am tucked into TOW-Wanda...pretending I’m camped near a clear mountain lake high in the Rockies and I can literally feel the stress peel off of my weary heart and mind.

There are ways to escape...even when you are bound to your premises. Remember to protect your mental well-being as well as your physical health during stressful times. Chronic stress leads to high cortisol levels and that can lead to a lot of physical problems in and of itself. A phone call. A good book. I’m reading Aunt Arie: A Foxfire Portrait and just love it. Aunt Arie is so much like my grandma and her contemporaries that I grew up with and her stories take me back to my childhood. A change of scenery...even if it’s just in another room or a short drive away...can do wonders for your frame of mind.

There’s nothing like rain on the roof of a camper to put things in perspective and I am blessed to have this little home on wheels. I noticed a little bit of water on the floor so I need to do some sealing work in the next dry stretch.

❤️

“I give you peace, the kind of peace only I can give. It isn't like the peace this world can give. So don't be worried or afraid.”
John 14:27 CEV

Day 111: Priorities

Tue, 07 Jul 2020 01:30:00 -0600

It was nearly 90℉ by 10:30 yesterday morning. I knew I needed to get the mowing finished soon or it would have to wait till evening again. The risk of waiting is the sudden thunderstorms that often crop up when it gets this hot outside. The humidity works like an old fashioned coffee percolator. The heat causes the moisture to rise and percolate up through the cooler air above, causing those tall storm clouds and resultant downpours. Once that starts, mowing is done for the day. The longer you stretch out mowing, the less of a break you get before it’s time to get out on the mower again.

I was finished by around 1:00 and came inside to rehydrate and sit in the air conditioning. Our AC runs constantly at this time of year. It was set at 73 and couldn’t get the house below 80. I went out for a swim. Believe me, the water is not refreshing when it’s 91℉ and the air temp is 96. But it was wet and I cleaned the pool and getting out was refreshing when the breeze caught me. As I sat down to write this, I sent Mr. FixIt a text at the other end of the house and asked him when was the last time he changed the air filter on the whole house air conditioner. He went downstairs and changed it, stating it was pretty dirty. Soon after, the house cooled down a great deal and we were both a lot more comfortable.

As I was writing this, notifications kept pinging on my phone. One came across and stopped me in my tracks. It seems an NFL quarterback just signed a ten year extension with his team for $500,000,000. That’s a lot of zeroes to throw a ball around. I got to thinking about what could be done with that kind of money. That would build about 19 really good schools. Or, buy 500,000 iPads for classrooms. Or build 3,333 Habitat for Humanity houses. Or provide 192,307,692 school lunches. Instead, it will go to one man who will throw a ball to other men who are paid to catch it and run. And children in this country go to bed hungry at night. Where is our outrage on that? I shake my head at the priorities of today. Call it Covid Consciousness...but I think there are a lot better places for money to be thrown than professional sports. Is that un-American of me? Mr. Virgo would have thought so. He was quite the football freak. Go, Eagles!

Our governor came out with a mandate yesterday. Masks will be worn in all public buildings in West Virginia. Our pastor came online and said rather than to bow to that, they will go back to online only church. Fine...whatever works and keeps people healthy. It wasn’t five minutes and Facebook lit up with all the protests of rights being infringed upon. I honestly just don’t get it. It really is such a simple thing to do.

To quote Gov. Justice: “Just wear the dang mask, people. C’mon!”

❤️

“Obey your leaders and submit to them, for they are keeping watch over your souls, as those who will have to give an account. Let them do this with joy and not with groaning, for that would be of no advantage to you.”
Hebrews 13:17 ESV

Day 84: Time for Tofu Tuesday!

Tue, 09 Jun 2020 01:30:00 -0600

We used up last week’s tofu over the weekend so it was time to make a new batch. I actually make a double batch to get a good sized cake of tofu when I’m finished. It last a week and gives us 3-4 meals, depending how we prepare it. I paid $35.00 (including shipping) for 13 pounds of new crop of Laura Soybeans from the Chambers Family Farm in Iowa. They are certified organic and non-GMO. I did a quick estimate and a double batch of tofu costs me approximately $1.17 to make, not including the initial purchase of tools to make it or the coagulant which you only need to purchase once or twice a year for around $10-12.00. Bottom line...this is a really inexpensive and easy way to make a tasty meat alternative that’s really good for you.

I put the beans on to soak the night before and rinsed them well in a colander after they were rehydrated. They start out as little round beans that are smaller than peas and turn into oval, pale yellow beans approximately the size of cooked Great Northerns. I have a Soy Milk Maker that I purchased several years ago because I didn’t drink dairy at the time. In twenty minutes, you can turn three cups of rehydrated raw soybeans into a delicious milk. Double the batch, curdle it, and load up the tofu mold and the whole thing is done in about ninety minutes...not counting the overnight soak or the pressing time.

The steps are illustrated in the photo above:

Setting the soybeans to soak. One batch of soy milk in this machine uses 100 grams which equals approximately 1 cup of beans, so I put in 2 cups of dry beans, rinsed. I keep my soybeans in two airtight containers stored inside a cupboard. This keeps them cool, dry, and critter free.
The soaked beans and filtered water go into the machine.
Snap on the top, plug it in, and hit “Soy Beans”. Easy peasy. The machine does it all. It heats the beans and grinds them, then brings the milk up to the proper temperature to kill the enzymes so it can be easily digested. Using a blender is just as good, although it does have to be heavy duty to grind the beans fine enough to extract the milk.
When the machine signals after about 20 minutes and the milk is ready to strain.
I use a nut milk strainer bag that I stretch over a large sieve that rests on top of a large pan to catch the milk. Since I am using a double batch, I use two pans then combine them when I’m ready to curdle the milk. I twist the bag and use a rubber spatula to press out the milk because it is still hot from processing. (If you are using a blender, you have to bring the milk to a boil for 5 minutes after you strain it and let it cool to about 160-175F before you add the nigari.
The damp pulp that is left over after straining out the soy milk is called okara. It is packed FULL of protein and fiber and is an excellent addition to muffins, cookies, soups. You can even dry it in a dehydrator and grind it into soy flour in a food processor.
I was in a hurry yesterday and I stirred my soy milk a little too aggressively after I added the nigari. You’re supposed to gently stir the soy milk while adding the nigari/water mixture then cover and let sit undisturbed for 15-25 minutes. I was running out of time and tried to rush it and the curd suffered but I still managed to get a good cake of tofu out of it.
This is my tofu press. I ordered this one from Japan simply because I used to have one like it years ago and wanted the same one. I have a smaller plastic one if I want to make a small batch. You can also use a clean plastic berry container or some sort of produce container that has holes around the bottom for draining. Whatever mold you use, you line it with a damp piece of muslin that’s big enough to cover the bottom and sides with some to fold over the top. Place the top on the mold or if you’re using some other kind of container, cut a thick piece of a plastic lid that will fit down inside the top of the mold and place something heavy on top to press the excess moisture out. I used a quart jar of beans. The longer you press, the firmer the tofu. Just place a saucer on the bottom of a container larger than your mold to hold the whole thing up out of the whey that you press out and set the whole thing in the refrigerator.
Once you’ve achieve the density you like, take the cloth wrapped tofu cake out of the mold and lace it in a container with a lid. Cover it with water and place it in the fridge. Change the water every day and your tofu will stay fresh and delicious for a week.

My favorite way to cook with tofu is to cut it in cubes and marinate it in a mixture of a little olive oil, red chili paste, garlic, and a little soy sauce. I put it in a container in the fridge overnight and stir fry it with assorted veggies and serve it over quinoa or rice. I also like to stir fry cubed tofu in a little oil, drain it well, and serve as a protein in a salad.

We are already seeing some of the health benefits of eating a healthier diet. I don’t know that you can easily take all meat away from a 68 year old West Virginia country boy, but we’re doing a pretty good job of it. We are substituting things like salmon or swordfish once or twice a week to satisfy his meat cravings. The rest of the time it’s salads with tofu, or stir fry, or a dish with quinoa and vegetables. Quinoa is also packed with protein.

So, there you have it...Tofu Tuesday!

❤️

“Then God said, “I give you every seed-bearing plant on the face of the whole earth and every tree that has fruit with seed in it. They will be yours for food.”
Genesis 1:29 NIV

Day 83: Getting it all Done

Mon, 08 Jun 2020 01:30:00 -0600

Sunday is supposed to be a day of rest. During the growing season, and with all these medical appointments we have to go to, some of my “rest” gets done praying in the garden and on the tractor. We watched our church service remotely again yesterday. We are not staying away out of fear...we are staying away out of an abundance of caution. We cannot afford to let either one of us get sick and not everyone wears a mask at church. Yes, we run into the store where not everyone wears a mask, but that is not in a closed room seated for 90 minutes...social distancing or not. It’s a personal choice and we don’t feel any less Christian by worshipping at home.

Yesterday was really a busy day with mowing and planting the last of the tomato plants and watering the gardens. I brought a couple of old galvanized tubs home from the farm last week. they were split in the bottom where they froze before I had a chance to tip them over. I used the square one as a planter for three Roma Tomato plants.

I fed my sourdough starter three times this weekend in preparation for baking bread today. I also have the soybeans to make into soy milk then into tofu this afternoon. This is in addition to a medical appointment so we’re hopping.

I’m still learning about sourdough starter and how it all works. I’ve been watching YouTube videos and the starter I’ve been seeing didn’t look like mine. Mine was runny and flat. Turns out, I wasn’t feeding it enough. Now that I’ve got this down, the starter has an almost rubbery texture...like wet Silly Putty. And it smells heavenly...tangy and yeasty. And look at those bubbles! Those will produce the kind of sourdough bread you see in fine restaurants. I’ve learned a trick to making a deep golden brown crust with a lighter center. Now to see if I can make that work in my own kitchen.

I made a dozen whole wheat sourdough pancakes yesterday morning. They’ll last us through the week. Last night, I made salmon, corn on the cob, and fresh sliced tomatoes. We dined al fresco on the pool deck which was delightful. We are so happy with the shade from the pergola we built this spring. It used to be too hot out there to eat unless it was after the sun went over the far hill.

It will be a very busy week, to be sure.

❤️

““Sir,” they said, “always give us this bread.” Then Jesus declared, “I am the bread of life. Whoever comes to me will never go hungry, and whoever believes in me will never be thirsty.”
John 6:34-35 NIV

Day 72: Where Did My Leisure Time Go?

Wed, 27 May 2020 01:30:00 -0600

When Mr. FixIt had his first stroke in February, It was cold and we spent the next few weeks curled up in our respective recliners binge-watching the entire seven years of West Wing. I baked and cooked and tried out new things. We started mowing again in April, then he had his second stroke on May 16th. This time, there aren’t long days baking pies and watching good shows. Now there’s mowing and trying to keep up with the housework and garden and PT and doctor’s appointments. I don’t mind a bit doing whatever I need to do to help my sweetheart. I’d just like to have one kinda slow day.

Yesterday wasn’t it. I got bit by a deer fly on Sunday then got in that yucky pool to tighten the screws on the new skimmer. By yesterday, I had cellulitis on my arm and had to make a quick run to the local walk-in clinic to get antibiotics. As soon as I got home, I jumped on the tractor and mowed holding a huge golf umbrella over my head to ward off the sun. At 1:30, I had to jump back in the truck and get Mr. FixIt to PT then run errands, a quick take-out supper picnic in the shade of a tree then home to another socially distanced family visit.

I got to see my sweet little Boo...he’s ten months old now and he remembered me as soon as he saw me. (Well, he smiled really big and he probably smiles at everyone really big, but I prefer to think he remembers his Gigi.) My stepson tilled the garden for me again and hoed the tomatoes then we all sat around and talked till dark. It was so wonderful to see them all. I’ve missed visiting with my peeps.

I don’t know if I’ll get to go to Colorado this summer or not. I’m just having to play it by ear. I won’t leave Mr. FixIt at home by himself and I won’t do anything that puts us at risk for getting sick. This virus won’t last forever and we will be able to travel again. We just have to be patient.

The peonies are blooming. I love them! Grandma called them “pineys”...with a long “i”. Ours here on the Ponderosa are pale pink. Grandma’s are white. And, out at the cemetery, there are some deep magenta blooms. I was told yesterday you can split them to thin them out and share. I’ll do that in late summer when I thin out the irises.

When I’m busy like this, it’s hard to reach deep insights to share with you here. When I was riding the tractor yesterday and mowing the field, I had my headphones on and listened to my Christian playlist on my iPhone. Doing the most mundane thing can offer you profound closeness to God. When I am out mowing, I am being of service. The mowing needs doing and Mr. FixIt can’t do it right now. But I can...and it is humbling to serve someone you love. Ever circle around the field, I thanked God for the opportunity to serve in whatever capacity I can. And, isn’t that what we are here for? To love...deeply.

❤️

“Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.”
Ephesians 4:2-3 NIV

Day 70: Learning New Skills

Mon, 25 May 2020 01:30:00 -0600

A few years ago, a clerk at the swimming pool supply store gave Mr. FixIt a handy dandy little trick to keep from having to empty so much water from the pool in the winter. It was supposed to keep the skimmer from freezing. Unfortunately, it didn’t work and the skimmer cracked. Being the frugal fixit man my husband is, he managed to jury rig the whole thing and get another four years use out of it. He’s a smart man. But, alas...the time came when we couldn’t keep it together with spit and glue anymore and we bit the bullet. We bought a new one.

Now, in my old life as a Princess, I would have just called the pool guy, ordered a skimmer, and have him come out and install it. I always justified those expenses by figuring out how long it would take me to do it multiplied by how much I valued my time. I valued my time a LOT. Nowadays, we have nothing BUT time, and being the frugal fixit man that he is, we set to installing the skimmer ourselves yesterday.

With a break during the hottest part of the day, I’d say it took us a good five to six hours to install that baby. It’s made well, and all the parts were there, but I could NOT turn the screws when it came time to put it together. I tried and tried. I grunted and may have said a naughty word or two. Mr. FixIt wasn’t helping when he said, “Just turn it!”

I looked at him and informed him he was getting dangerously close to doing this entire job by himself. Finally, I took the two pieces apart and looked in the holes. They were not threaded. Mr. FixIt took the drill and drove the screws into the holes to pre-thread them. When we tried the second time, they went in much easier. However, I couldn’t get the leverage I needed to drive them all the way in. I knew the only way this was going to work was for one of us to get in the pool to be in the right position.

There was no way I was going to let my husband get down in that water. Not only would there be the balance issues from last weekend’s stroke, but there was the issue of the water that had not been cleaned yet. I couldn’t risk him getting an infection in his feet or legs. So...I said, let’s have a good dinner, then I can get in there and we’ll whip this thing out.

I pulled the pork roast out of the oven and as it set, I steamed some broccoli, made a bowl of coleslaw, and sautéed the remaining mushrooms that were nearing their final days. We enjoyed our meal out on the pool deck, admiring the new pergola we built this spring and yet again congratulating ourselves for being so smart to buy it. It really keeps the temperature down at the table. After supper, we drove over to town to get a little ice cream for dessert.

It was finally time to get in the pool and get this done. It was SO cold. The pool thermometer said “Lo”. I asked Mr. FixIt how low was “Lo”. He had no idea. I’ll tell you what...I know! “Lo” means “Darned Cold”! But this was exactly the position I needed to be in to put my weight behind it and it was no time till we were done. The seal around the skimmer was water tight and there were no more leaks. Eureka! I did a little happy dance and Mr. FixIt laughed.

“Get out of there before you get hypothermia!”

I love the sense of accomplishment that comes with doing a good job. And I love that I have a patient husband that is willing to teach me these things. Having these strokes has brought us a sense of urgency in getting jobs done and teaching me how to do everything around here. It’s all part of the whole “Autumn” thing.

Sitting in the bedroom with the windows wide open and writing is the peaceful ending I crave to every day. It is my meditation time. I love hearing the frogs and the night noises and the tapping of my keyboard. It is the rhythm of my life.

❤️

“When you lie down, you will not be afraid; when you lie down, your sleep will be sweet.”
Proverbs 3:24 NIV

Day 62: When I Find Myself in Times of Trouble...

Sun, 17 May 2020 01:30:00 -0600

Days of unexpected loss. We all get them. We never know when the next one will strike. Yesterday was just such a day. We started out the day with another trip to the Emergency Room for what appears to be another small stroke for my beloved Mr. FixIt. I had a taste of what if feels like for those desperately frightened family members who drop their loved ones off at the ER door then drive off. Or, in my case...drive to the parking lot and sit. All day.

I hugged him goodbye, then went to the truck and cried. I couldn’t leave him. What if he needed me? What if something happened and I had to get there in a hurry. I couldn’t be a half hour away. I just couldn’t. So, I sat there waiting for a text or a call. They kept him overnight and I should be able to take him home this morning, thank God. This is another dodged bullet. We never, ever know what the day will bring.

Just as I was finally ready to leave and head home, I received a text from my cousin.

“Call me.”

My aunt had just passed away at 4:45. My cousin had spent several hours a day the last week sitting with her and holding her hand. She was with her when she took her last breath and I am grateful she didn’t die alone.

I called her “Auntzilla” to my inner circle. She was a bear and never really liked me much, even when I was a little girl. She may have been cantankerous in her old age, but that woman did a lot of good things for people in her lifetime. I will never forget the year when Hubby #2 was in medical school. We literally had nothing. One day, after a particularly rough day at work, I walked up the stoop to our house to find a big box from Aunt Peeps. I opened it and went through it slowly. It was clothes. Not new ones, but nice ones. Aunt Peeps was very fond of expensive clothes but was a bigger fan of a bargain. She bought good stuff on sale and hung onto it till someone she knew needed a boost. Then she’d mail them a box.

When I picked up the first piece, I ran my fingers down the fabric to admire the quality. I felt something in the pocket and reached in. Money! In the pocket of each piece of clothing there was a crisp new $20 bill for a total of $200! That was more money than I had seen in a very long time and was sorely needed. She loaned me her car when I came for visits so I wouldn’t have to rent one. She gave me Grandma Teeter’s old crocks and a lovely red child-sized rocking chair her late husband had found in a barn.

She was generous, but tight as a drum. She knew the price of everything to the penny and watched her money like a hawk. She was strong-willed and stubborn. She was a raven-haired beauty till her hair went snowy white like my mom’s. She wore makeup till her shaking hand would not allow her to apply it anymore. She was vain in an Audrey Hepburn kind of way with the sharp tongue of Joan Crawford. She did not mince words and had no time for nonsense.

And now she is gone. The world is changing and all upside down. It’s like...I don’t know what to expect next AND I’m not surprised when it get’s here. Her death came at the end of a perfectly awful day. I called my cousin...the daughter of the only living sister...to tell her. We wanted her to be able to tell her mom in person.

When I finally got home, the stress and grief came out in the way they always come out. I threw up. To settle myself down afterward, I laid on the bed and considered the alphabet. I pictured each letter in my mind...describing it, noticing the way it curved to stood straight and tall. I heard its sound in my head. I thought of a word starting with that letter. Then went to the next. And, the next...till I had slowly worked my way through the entire alphabet. By the time I got to “z”, I was calmed down and ready to write. We do whatever we have to do to get by on days like these. Bottom line...I kept asking God to pull me closer. He never fails me.

Thank you so much for your prayers yesterday. You have no idea what it means to me to ask for prayers and immediately have so many people drop what they’re doing to pray. The power of prayer is unmistakable and...palpable to the recipient who is in tune. Hopefully Mr. FixIt will get to come home today and it will be a better day!

❤️

“First of all, then, I urge that supplications, prayers, intercessions, and thanksgivings be made for all people,”
1 Timothy 2:1 ESV

#Prayers, #Family, #Fear, Prayer

Day 48: Trial and Error in the Kitchen

Sun, 03 May 2020 01:30:00 -0600

I was really productive in the kitchen yesterday. I made a double batch of spaghetti sauce and cooked a huge pork shoulder...both in crockpots. Then I decided to try my hand at making yoghurt in my instapot. That was a big no go. It smelled like yoghurt, but even after 10 hours, it was still a soupy mess. I used to have a yoghurt maker a zillion years ago and I used yoghurt starter. I never had a bad batch. So, I gave in and ordered a yoghurt maker online. I eat a lot of yoghurt so I think it will soon pay for itself. You can buy one HERE.

I’m on Day 3 of the Sourdough Starter. Oh, my gosh...this is like having another pet! You have to feed and water it every day. Like...forever! The guy on the YouTube video said it’s like brushing your teeth...you’ll just get used to it being something you do every day. I am looking forward to trying it out though. Mr. FixIt and I both love sourdough bread. And, I had sourdough whole wheat pancakes once and they were fabulous. We’ll see how this works out.

My friend, Kate Dunbar, is the Campground Gourmet. She sent me this sourdough starter and she used to have her own bakery, so I’m guessing it’s pretty good stuff. Kate is the Food Editor for Girl Camper and she takes the most beautiful photographs of food. I really need to up my game. I would love to put lovely photos out for you like the one above, but I seldom remember to take pictures till either the kitchen is a disaster or I’ve finished and the product is half eaten. I’ll try to remember to take pictures more often.

Mr. Virgo used to roll his eyes when I cooked. I can cook for two and make the kitchen look like I’m feeding the 5th Battalion or something. I try to clean as I go, but I seem to be able to do one or the other...not both at the same time. This makes for long days in the kitchen, but I really am enjoying it at this point so I’m not complaining.

Things are starting to open up, but we’re still closed for business here on the Ponderosa. We’ve had no lack of things to keep us busy at home. I want to see the grandkids and the babies, but we’re just going to have to wait for a while to see how things go. We think that is the prudent thing to do. That being said, it is really hard to believe it is May already.

I hope you are all staying well and doing the best you can. My prayers are always with you.

❤️

“Not that we are sufficient in ourselves to claim anything as coming from us, but our sufficiency is from God,”
2 Corinthians 3:5 ESV

Day 46: It’s Feel Good Friday & I’m Gettin’ Back to my Roots

Fri, 01 May 2020 01:30:00 -0600

It’s May Day! Can you believe that??? In what seems like three lifetimes ago, I was a bit of a hippie earth mama. I had all the Mother Earth News Magazines and the Moosewood Cookbook. I made all of our bread, yoghurt, tofu, pasta, granola, and Grape Nuts. I grew veggies on any piece of land available. And I frequented the Farmer’s Markets to preserve as much food as possible. I was a girl on a budget. I did all this while working full time, raising a child, and putting my hubby through medical school. What can I say...I was young and could do anything.

I can still do all those homestead crafts, but once my second child came along and Hubby #2 was established in his medical practice, it was just easier to buy stuff than make it. Times have changed and I’m living this country farm life. And with the changes in the economy, I am picking those skills back up and dusting them off. I buy a couple cases of canning jars every time I go to the store. And I’ve slowly picked up some necessary pieces of equipment that I’ll be needing like tofu making supplies and the like. I’ll show you how I do that once I get everything in place.

I came home from the farm yesterday. As I was pulling out of the driveway, I had to stop and take a picture of the dogwood. The hills look like they’re draped with white lace. The flowering dogwood are so delicate and airy and they don’t last very long. You can see in this photo that some of the trees are beginning to leaf out but the dogwood stand alone with their flat four petaled posies.

I stopped at the store on the way home to pick up some Chobani plain Greek yoghurt. I’ll need about a half cup to use as starter so I can make my own. I was going to buy some whole wheat flour, then remembered I had some that had been stone ground at the mill up at Beaver Creek State Park in Lebanon, Ohio. When I got home and got everything put away, I decided to make a batch of homemade Grape Nuts.

This is one half of the thin “cake”.

The Amish make everything from scratch and somewhere along the line, I learned how to make this tasty crunchy cereal from an old Amish recipe. Once you’re done, store the cereal in an airtight container. It should last a while since it doesn’t have oil or eggs, but it’s so good, you won’t have it around for long.

The “cake” has been through the food processor and ready to toast and dry in the oven.

I’ve been trying to cut down on sugary treats but I love having a little ice cream in the evening. Last night, I put a couple heaping tablespoons of the plain Greek yoghurt in a bowl, drizzled some buckwheat honey over it and sprinkled a couple handfuls of the cereal on top. Oh, my gosh...it was amazing! Buckwheat honey has an entirely different taste than orange blossom or wildflower. It’s a dark brown and reminds me of molasses with its strong, bold flavor.

Homemade Grape Nuts Cereal...toasted golden brown.

Homemade Grape Nuts Cereal

Preheat oven to 350℉.

3 1/2 cups Whole Wheat Flour
1 cup Brown Sugar
1 tsp. Salt
1 tsp. Baking Soda
1 tsp. Ground Cinnamon

Mix dry ingredients together.

2 cups Buttermilk
2 tsp. Vanilla Extract

Mix wet ingredients together and add to dry ingredients. Stir to make a batter similar to pancake batter.

Line a large baking sheet with parchment or waxed paper. Pour batter onto the paper and spread evenly with a spatula. Bake at 350℉ for 20-25 minutes. Cool in pan for 10 minutes then remove to finish cooling on wire racks.

Break half of the “cake” into chunks and pulse in a food processor till you get the consistency of Grape Nuts. Line the baking sheet with another piece of parchment or waxed paper and spread the crumbs around into an even layer. Place in a 275℉ oven. Take them out every 10-15 minutes to stir them around. It will take about 45 minutes to toast them till they’re dry if you live in a humid area like WV. Let them cool and place in a large bowl. Repeat with the other half of the “cake”. Once the other half is finished and cooled, place the entire batch into an airtight container to store in your pantry. Serve as a topping for yoghurt or ice cream. Use as a crunchy sweet addition to a salad. Or eat as cereal just like the Grape Nuts in the box. This tastes SO much better than the store bought variety!

So, there’s my Feel Good Friday suggestion...bake up some homemade Grape Nuts! Easy peasy and it feels good to make something wholesome like the hippie mama I used to be!

❤️

“So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.”
1 Corinthians 10:31 ESV

Day 40: Coping During Corona Through Mental Health Services

Sat, 25 Apr 2020 01:30:00 -0600

By now you all know I am no stranger to psychotherapy. And, I have zero interest in hiding the fact that I coped with a serious seven year bout of clinical depression. There were so many intrinsic factors, most of which I don’t go into great detail about merely to protect the privacy of others. Suffice it to say, it was a perfect storm and it wasn’t pretty. It was hard and difficult to work through. I am so grateful that once I found the right therapist for me, the work became easier and affected permanent change.

That isn’t to say I never needed to see a therapist again. I returned to grief counseling nine months after Mr. Virgo died. I needed EMDR therapy for the PTSD caused by witnessing what my husband went through from the moment he began to have symptoms in a RV dealership parking lot to the prolonged CPR in the ER to the doctor coming out from the cardiac cath lab to say they did everything they could. I saw the grief therapist for about six months before I sold my house and left Colorado.

I would say I’ve had two...maybe three visits with her since 2014...either in person or over the phone. There is nothing shameful about seeking the help of a mental health professional. It is not a sign of weakness. If anything, it shows remarkable courage to face your inner demons and get some help dealing with whatever it is bothering you. My faith has been the raft that carries me over the waves. My therapy has been the wind God sent to move me forward.

In the aftermath of coronavirus, we are going to see an epidemic of mental health issues. All of those on the frontline of this pandemic are going to be deeply affected by it...just as the soldiers of any war. The long hours, the many deaths, the fear of contaminating family members...these are all things that will have to be worked through. There will be issues in every aspect of life...from the elderly in nursing homes all the way down to the littles who don’t understand why they can’t see their friends and their mommy cries.

I read an excellent article last night that talked about mental health services in the time of Corona and how you can reach out and get help even when you are self-isolating. There are numbers and websites and apps that can help connect you with a counselor to help walk you through this.

It’s ok if you need help. It’s ok if you can’t take it right now. It’s ok if you need to talk to someone with an empathetic and knowledgeable ear. You are not weak. You are not a failure.

You are not alone.

You can read the article HERE.

❤️

“The waters closed in over me to take my life; the deep surrounded me; weeds were wrapped about my head at the roots of the mountains. I went down to the land whose bars closed upon me forever; yet you brought up my life from the pit, O Lord my God. When my life was fainting away, I remembered the Lord, and my prayer came to you, into your holy temple.”
Jonah 2:5-7 ESV

Day 31: The Redbud and Dogwood are Blooming!

Thu, 16 Apr 2020 01:30:00 -0600

The redbud are blooming!!!

Mr. FixIt and I have been watching the weather reports very carefully the last week. We needed to get out to the farm to mow so we have been waiting for a dry, sunny day. Yesterday and today both were forecast to be beautiful, but...there was a 60% chance of rain last night. The ground at the farm is very soft and since it’s in a holler, it just doesn’t dry out very well. A heavy riding mower could easily tear up the lawn if we weren’t careful so we decided to go yesterday.

The wispy purple-pink of redbud are so ethereal mixed with the spring green. One of my favorite color combos.

As I was gathering things up to leave, I asked Mr. FixIt if he would like to go spend the night at the farm since we were going out anyway. This coming weekend is when we were supposed to go to the beach, so we have both been feeling the disappointment of changed plans. This would be a nice little getaway and feel like at least we saw something other than our own four walls.

The first mowing of the spring out at the farm.

As soon as we drove into the driveway, we saw the tarp on the vintage camper had been ripped off in the wind. We knew we needed to get that fixed as soon as possible so we quickly got the lawn mowed then headed to the closest town with a hardware store to buy a tarp. The drive there was stunning. The sun was shining. It was just warm enough to have the windows open and the wind blowing through our hair. On the way home, we stopped to pick up a pie and ice cream for dessert. I also finally had the opportunity to snag a shot of this really cool dry-stacked rock wall I’ve been eyeing for the last couple of years.

I think this big pine is going to have to come down before too long. It keeps leaning out over the yard.

Every time I had the opportunity, I stopped and took photos. After Mr. Virgo died, I realized I only had a handful of photos of him. He was always the photographer so we didn’t get many pictures of him. I’ll never make that mistake again. Now I take pictures of everything and everyone. I have hundreds of photos of Mr. FixIt and since I’m taking photos of him, I end up taking pictures of a lot of other things, too.

I drive past this dry-stack rock wall frequently and finally got a picture of it.

We have a lot of cherry blossoms. Now if we could just keep the birds out when they’re ripe in order to actually have some for pies.

One of my friends from Grandma’s church posted a picture of a batch of Redbud Jelly. Unfortunately, I don’t have the stuff to make it at the moment, but I’ll have it for next spring!

Stacie says it’s really easy to make and has such a delicate taste. And, my oh my...isn’t it just beautiful? I’m thinking Homemade Buttermilk Biscuits and Redbud Jelly are definitely on the menu for Spring 2021!

Here’s the picture of Stacie’s jelly and the recipe she sent me:

Stacie’s Redbud Jelly. It’s as pretty as a picture!

I hope you are finding things to look forward to today. When we were at the hardware store yesterday, we bought seeds to plant green beans. The last three springs, the rabbits have eaten them. Now that we have Pumpkin the Guard Cat...we haven’t had any bunnies in the yard so maybe we will have beans this year!

❤️

“Let us know; let us press on to know the Lord; his going out is sure as the dawn; he will come to us as the showers, as the spring rains that water the earth.””
Hosea 6:3 ESV

Day 16: Is it Allergies...or is it Covid?

Wed, 01 Apr 2020 01:30:00 -0600

An old church a few miles from the farm is a reminder of days gone by.

I can tell you what’s going on outside without even looking. If my head throbs and my throat is scratchy and I’m sneezing my head off, it’s sunny and warm with a breeze. Every January, I try to remember to start using my nasal steroids to ward off my seasonal allergies and it never fails...March comes and I smack my forehead. If I start early enough, it’s always so much better, but I seldom remember.

So, Sunday afternoon when I got home from the farm and jumped on the riding mower, I’d only had a few weeks worth of Flonase treatment on board. Even with that and an N95 mask, by nightfall my head was pounding, my eyes were itchy, my throat was scratchy, and I was coughing.

I laid in bed for most of the night wondering if I had coronavirus. I took my temperature every hour on the hour. I thought back to everywhere I’ve been in the past 6-8 weeks. I counted the number of times I washed my hands. Did I touch my face? Did I forget to use a paper towel to open that door? Is that stomach ache from the spaghetti sauce or am I coming down with something?

This is the kind of thinking that will drive you crazy. It does absolutely no good to worry myself, and Mr. FixIt, to death about it. I’ll continue to monitor my symptoms but I know it most certainly is the same allergy symptoms I’ve experienced every spring for years.

I was thinking about something the other day. There is a very real comparison to what I’m feeling now and what I felt in the aftermath of Mr. Virgo’s death. Not nearly to the same degree...but eerily similar. I was all set to accomplish great things with this newfound “stay-at-home” order. I thought this would be a period of intense productivity. We’d get this bathroom finished then start the next one. We would strip the wallpaper in the dining room and start going through the closets and the basement. Then we would tackle the building out back. Oh, yes...I had big plans.

Instead, I’ve done very little. I’ve kept us fed. I’ve taken care of the things that need taken care of to survive day to day. I’ve written my blog and kept in touch with my people. I spend a great deal of time doing nothing more than resting with Mr. FixIt. We’ve been watching West Wing and it’s been fun introducing him to that. He never watched it when it was on the air.

I was feeling like I should be doing more. Then I remembered what my grief was like seven years ago. It was a lot like this. Not in intensity, to be sure. But the same malaise is there. The same uncertainty. The same unsettled undercurrent of sadness and longing. The thread of fear that I keep at bay with my trust in Jesus. This is the initial phase of a grief we all are feeling to one degree or another. We are letting it settle in.

It’s ok that we don’t get a lot done right now. As we adjust, we’ll get more energy and be able to accomplish more. I learned this from before. Until then, self care is a good thing. We aren’t going anywhere...not for a while, anyway. We’ll get through this. I learned that, too.

Today is traditionally April Fools Day. Instead of foolishness, lets make it a day filled with kindness.

❤️

“do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
Philippians 4:6-7 ESV

Day 15: Glitter Virus de Corona

Tue, 31 Mar 2020 01:30:00 -0600

Imagine the coronavirus is glitter and you can see how easily it spreads to EVERYTHING!

When Little was about six years old, she looked at me with adoring eyes every grandma swoons over and said, “You know Nana...I’m a maker, just like you!” (❤️MELT!) And, indeed she is. She is creative, artistic, witty, and an extraordinarily deep thinker. She is going to be thirteen in May, so she is currently in that stage where most adults fall in the idiot column. But, I have no doubt she will turn around someday and be my mini-me again.

I’m not sure who gave her the glitter, but being the artist she is, someone filled her up with a gigantic supply. Glitter. Beads. Markers. Paints. All manner of brushes and paper and canvas upon which to glue, smear, splash, and enjoy with great abandon. Which is exactly what she did. Daughter #1 had declared there will be no new carpet until Little goes away to college because she just cannot stomach the idea of MORE glitter.

They have glitter everywhere. You cannot...can NOT...go into their house without getting glitter on you, no matter where you stand, sit, or lie down. Not matter how many times they vacuum, sweep, wipe, dust, or mop. It is impervious and permanent. I saw a meme the other day comparing coronavirus to glitter and it makes perfect sense.

Let’s say you go to Little’s house and get glitter on you, but you didn’t go to the bathroom so you don’t wash your hands and you’re in a hurry. You’re careful because you don’t touch your face so there’s no glitter there. You get in your car and stop at the gas station for gas. You go inside to buy a soda and a candy bar. You can’t decide which candy bar you want. You pick up one and read the calorie count and put it down. By the third or fourth bar, you realize they all have roughly the same calorie count so you put it back and go pick out a piece of fruit. you squeeze a couple of apples and an orange and finally choose a banana. You open the cooler and pull out a soda. then, at the last minute, you think, “Maybe I should have water instead. I’m having fruit, after all.” You put the soda back, grab a water and go up to the counter and pay.

You pull out the money for your purchase and pay, throwing the change down into the bottom of your purse. You head back out to the car and drive to the post office, the bank, the vet, the hair salon, and make a final stop at Walmart. Somewhere in there, you have washed your hands at least once or twice. But every time you got back in the car or picked up your keys or drank out of that soda or ate that banana or opened your car door...you got glitter on you again. And, every time you touched something that others will touch, you leave glitter that they pick up and carry with them.

We have all had experience with the persistence of glitter...be it an art project or a Christmas card. Once you get it on you, you have to work at it to get rid of it. The same thing goes for a bacteria or virus. The only thing is, you can’t see them so that makes them even more nefarious.

We are all going through various stages of grief over this pandemic and will continue to do so over the coming weeks and months. The enormity of the changes this will bring has only just begun to settle around the edges of my mind in the last few days. Beyond the actual virus and potential illness itself lies uncertainty I am beginning to uncover within myself. Humans are creatures of habit and change doesn’t always come easy to some. But, change is my middle name and all those changes that were thrust upon me in grief are tools for this toolbox as well.

Remember when you do have to go out...think of all that glitter you could be picking up. Keep used grocery bags in your car to use as emergency “gloves” for opening doors and pumping gas. Carry a container of your own wipes with you. And keep washing your hands...a lot. I have been reading rumblings they may be seeing evidence of the flattening of the curve which means the social distancing thing is working. Let’s hope so because there are a lot of hospitals already working at capacity.

Keep all the helpers in your prayers. They need us...now more than ever!

❤️

“So to keep me from becoming conceited because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from becoming conceited. Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”
2 Corinthians 12:7-10 ESV

Day 9: Kindness Changes Everything

Wed, 25 Mar 2020 01:30:00 -0600

Take a deep breath and be kind to each other.

If there was ever a time to be kind, it is now. Under normal, everyday circumstances the emotional climate would be highly individualized. These people happy, these people sad. These people stressed, these people relaxed. There would be clusters of people sharing the same emotions surrounding a particular event like a wedding, a death, a concert, a family gathering. Never in our lifetime has there been such a global group of people sharing the same emotional event at the same time. For those of us who can easily pick up on the vibes of others, this feels like having your brain in a frying pan set on high. Those of us who have gone through it know this feeling. It has a name. Grief.

Needless to say, everyone is living with a heightened set of emotions. We are all experiencing grief in a collective way. Whether you are fearful, anxious, filled with dread. Or resolved, determined, keeping calm and carrying on. All of these states of being are emotionally taxing and make burnout a very real possibility. This elevation of being can make us respond and relate in ways that are totally unexpected and unlike the person we really are.

That’s why we saw people getting in fights over toilet paper last week. It was crazy to us...but it was perfectly rational to those people who were in the moment. I think we all need to step back and breathe a little. Do a little meditation. Do a little yoga. Say a little prayer. Light a candle. Take a bubble bath. Drink a nice cup of tea. Go for a walk. I know I’m being repetitive here and I’ve said these things before, but I can’t reiterate enough how important it is to practice self care when you grieve.

If we burn ourselves out now, we aren’t going to have the energy to fight anything that’s coming our way. We need to be our healthiest selves. We need to focus on eating good, immune boosting foods. We need to avoid lots of empty calories like sugar and alcohol. We need to resist the temptation to zone out till it all passes over...immersed in junk TV and junkier food.

Above all, we need to practice kindness...to each other, and to ourselves. Kindness goes a long way toward soothing ragged nerves. West Virginia’s numbers doubled yesterday. And there’s a case in Wood County now, so it’s here. My stepson calls us every day to check in. He’ll pick up whatever we need and bring it out to us. We have two medical appointments...one tomorrow, one Thursday...and then we are home for a solid week. We are taking every precaution.

I find I’m not accomplishing what I thought I would do. I have yet to start stripping the wallpaper in the dining room. I haven’t started sorting through papers or getting rid of junk. I’ve been binge-watching West Wing with Mr. FixIt and staying to maintain social distance from the refrigerator. I resisted baking again today, but we have some rapidly browning bananas so I’m going to be forced to do something with them because I don’t want them to go to waste.

Here’s your helpful hint for today:

Just because the IRS has postponed the filing date to July 15th for federal taxes does not necessarily mean your state has followed suit. As a matter of fact, there are very few states that have. As of this writing, West Virginia has maintained April 15th. Since we have to file state, we might as well file federal at the same time. It’s my goal to get that done next week.

Here is a link to TurboTax with an explanation.

Hang in there, dear ones. It’s about to get bumpy...but we can get through this. Whatever your faith or inclination...be it prayer or good thoughts or positive energy...keep sending it. We need all the help we can get!

❤️

“Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.”
Romans 12:12 ESV

#Hope, #Trials, #COVID19

Day 8: This Little Piggy Stayed Home

Tue, 24 Mar 2020 01:30:00 -0600

Be like this little piggy and stay home!

We had to go out again yesterday...this time to a doctor visit. The news was good...Mr. FixIt has a heart! And it’s in pretty good shape for a guy his age. After Losing Mr. Virgo to a sudden heart attack, and then Mr. FixIt had the stroke...I pretty much insisted they do a cardiac work up. We are breathing an even bigger sigh of relief over here.

The governor of West Virginia ordered us to “stay-at-home” beginning this evening. Except for the doctor, the emergency room, the grocery or pharmacy, gas stations, construction stores...you know, all the places we normally gone anyway. He even said it was fine to go to the state parks and go fishing! Other than restaurants, not much has changed as far as where we are allowed to go. What HAS changed is the going.

I was thinking about this yesterday. What is it about being told to do something, like stay at home, and the only thing in the whole wide world you want to do is NOT stay at home. BUT...have a busy week of running errands and having appointments and the only thing you want is to just have a day at home with no trips to town. It’s crazy. It’s like being told to take a nap as a toddler. Now I’d give up a lot just to take a nap!

Governors are resorting to this extra measure because just telling people to stay home wasn’t working. Because there’s an inordinate amount of people who think rules don’t apply to them. They are merely suggestions...more like guidelines, really. They say you can get a ticket if you’re out and about but I ask you, what good would that do when all you have to say is -I’m going to the grocery store-?

Daughter #2 is an anxious sort. She is so much like her mama in so many ways. I wish I could have given my kids anything but anxiety and depression. It is what it is. She called last evening and I recognized that quivering “I’m fine” tone of voice. So, I talked her down off the ledge and she felt stronger and more in control by the time we rang off. We talked about everything...from ways to conserve toilet paper to what was the name of that book you were telling me about.

We talked about making plans and writing them down. What do you want to accomplish this week? This month? Six months? A year? She wants to be more self-sufficient so she doesn’t have to worry so much. Good. Check with the City of Denver...can you have chickens? Look for used pallets you can turn into a chicken coop. You want a garden? Great! Start planting seeds in peat pots so you’ll have seedlings to plant when the weather warms up. Mark out where you want a garden and get your exercise spading it up.

We have to be proactive regarding our mental health during crises such as this. Just because we need to stay at home doesn’t mean we need to stay inside 24/7. Even if you only walk around your house or your building or down your block and back, getting some fresh air in the middle of the day does wonders for your spirits. Build a routine. Set your clock for mental health breaks. Drink a cup of soothing herbal tea. Play some music and sing along. Take a bubble bath. Draw a picture. If you sew, look up how to make masks for people since there is a critical shortage.

You might want to practice a little social distancing from your refrigerator. Packing on a few pounds during this quarantine won’t help your health and you certainly won’t feel better. Try on a pair of jeans every few days to make sure they fit. As my dear friend Deneene says, sweats or pajama pants will trick you into believing all is well in the kingdom. I was going to make an apple pie last night, but then I decided not to. We had already had two pies in the last ten days. I’ve been losing weight and I don’t want to put it back on. We can have treats...just once or twice a week, not every day.

Humans are a resourceful lot. We can figure out other ways to do things. We can make something out of nothing. We can recycle, reuse, repurpose just about anything. We’ve become pretty complacent in this life. I know I have. But, my years of reading Mother Earth News and the Encyclopedia of Country Living have been preparing me for a moment such as this. Some of us may not get through this. Those of us that do must take it upon themselves to apply the lessons learned so that we might not be caught so flat-footed next time. When I meditated on this last night, a thought came to me.

My friend Uma Girish was preparing to facilitate a group call when she asked her inner guidance what she should share. This is what she received:

“The virus is not the enemy. The virus is The Messenger.”

Yes...the virus can be horrifying. Yes...people can and will die. But it brings us a message...loud and clear.

Raise your head and look beyond where you stand so you might better prepare for what is coming.

Remember what is really important in this life.

Look at what we are doing to our world...to the environment. We are slowly killing it and now...it is rapidly attacking us.

For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. Cause and effect. I don’t think it’s too late, but we’re going to have to make some big changes and we all know...while change is good, it is not always easy. Change, we must. We have no other choice now.

Maybe God’s just putting us in a time out so we can think about what we have done to the garden He gave us.

❤️

“Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.”
Philippians 2:4 ESV

Day 7: Creative Social Distancing

Mon, 23 Mar 2020 01:30:00 -0600

The flowering quince and forsythia are blooming outside our bedroom window. Mother Nature once again demonstrates life comes back.

Ok, we have been practicing social distancing for a week now. Well, actually...it’s been a month since Mr. FixIt’s stroke and we haven’t spent more than a couple of hours apart in that entire time. That’s ok...I am happy to be here for my sweetheart and take care of him to the best of my ability. I love him to the moon and back. AND...we get very close to standing on each other’s last nerve sometimes. Perfectly normal under normal circumstances. These are anything BUT normal circumstances!

We still have lots of doctor appointments and are considering our options as far as postponing. Some we may, some we really should not. However, we may have our dilemma decided for us if the offices call and cancel themselves. In the meantime, I’m going to get outside this week and clean out the camper so that I will have my little sanctuary to escape to. Also, if my Colorado girls have to bug out and come someplace safe where they can live off the land and be self sufficient, we may need the camper as alternative housing during this social isolation. We’re just keeping our options open.

This has truly been the weirdest week of my life...of all of our lives, I imagine. It’s like waking up in a George Orwell novel. I’ve been collecting little nuggets of wisdom.

Use plastic grocery sacks or doggy poop bags as “gloves” for opening door handles, handling money, and pumping gas leaving gloves for healthcare workers.

Try to avoid buying up the WIC items when shopping so that moms on WIC don’t have to go home empty handed. They cannot use their WIC coupons for anything but WIC items. Maybe they’ll change that temporarily, I don’t know.

Sing the Doxology as you wash your hands...it’s 20 seconds and you’ve praised God at the same time.

Have “the talk” with your loved ones about what you would want done should the unthinkable happen. It is not morbid...it is an act of love. Tell three people, and tell them who the other two are and that they should communicate in the event you become seriously ill.

Spend this time organizing your papers. Write things down...passwords, account numbers, important information. Write letters to your loved ones and stick them in a desk drawer.

I’ll write more as I think of them or run across hints that are helpful. In the meantime, Mother Nature is showing us that life does return. It is a promise.

Today’s Question:

Are you eating comfort food or trying to maintain a healthy diet?

❤️

“I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world."”
John 16:33 ESV

Day Five: Love in the Time of CoVid

Sat, 21 Mar 2020 01:30:00 -0600

Blackberry pie...sunshine in a slice!

Thankfully we didn’t need to venture to town yesterday. Instead, we took a drive over to the farm to check in. Oh...what an amazingly warm day it was. I actually saw the thermometer at 79! All was well at the home place. The daffodils are blooming as are the forsythia and the flowering quince. The irises are shooting their flat, sword-like blades out from the wet, awakening earth. As you drive out through the country, the bushes along the roadsides are gaining a green, ghostly hue as the leaves begin to form.

This is rockslide season and we saw evidence of several...one was actually encroaching on the road. The highway crew hadn’t gotten to it yet. It is supposed to get chilly again this weekend and then I wouldn’t be surprised if we stay in the high 50’s, low 60’s for a while. I don’t think there’s much of a chance of having another freeze this spring.

Speaking of spring, with all the madness going on in the world, I totally missed the first day of spring! It’s here...even though it is highly overshadowed this time.

I read something yesterday that someone shared. It was a letter to the humans from the vantage point of the CoVid-19 virus. It spoke of how we haven’t been paying attention. We have been so busy chasing after stuff and working to achieve a lifestyle that is unsustainable, that finally the earth broke. There were horrific wildfires and we looked on with morbid curiosity and counted our blessings it wasn’t us. There were deadly hurricanes and we sighed and looked on with a tinge of sadness at the devastation. Then our attention shifted elsewhere and the thoughts and prayers were replaced with the next thing in the news cycle.

We as a people are so self-centered. We look out for number one. Maybe, just maybe this virus swooped in to get our attention...to wake us up to the devastation around us. To how unhealthy the world has become. And if the world is unhealthy, WE are unhealthy.

I saw a picture of a mega freeway in Los Angeles. There were eight cars on it. I think someone said it hadn’t seen that little traffic since the Watts Riots of 1965. I commented that maybe Mother Earth is going to be able to catch her breath. Maybe the skies will clear. Maybe the sun will shine a little brighter. Maybe the waters will freshen a little. Maybe the pH in the rain will normalize and the fish will flourish.

Maybe the quiet stillness will give us time to stop the frenetic pace we have set for ourselves and we can really connect with our family members...even if it’s through a window or over the phone or FaceTime. I’ve already noticed more caring for each other. Children are checking in with their parents to see how they’re doing. They are offering to run errands or go to the store. Strangers are helping strangers.

This is a time like no other we have faced. But, our grandparents and great grandparents were called to war. They were bombed and food was rationed. They grew victory gardens and knitted socks for troops. All we are being asked to do is stay home. While the threat of the disease itself is terribly disconcerting, we can do things to help prevent the spread.

I’ve heard the youngsters say, “Ah, it’s not going to affect me. It’s just the Boomers.” Well, first of all, no. It’s not just the Boomers. They are finding people much younger than they first thought are getting sick and some seriously. And...who do you think those Boomers (and the generation or so after them) are? They are the doctors, scientists, financial wizards, farmers...the experts. The ones who hold the keys to a great deal of knowledge. Those who say they’re “just Boomers” had better learn a whole lot pretty darned quickly.

I’m having nightmares. I rarely remember dreams, but I’m having dreams of death and dying. Too much news. Too much information. I had to step back and stop watching as much of it. I have to limit myself to a half hour of news a day. Just to stay up to speed with any breaking news. To counteract the bombardment of bad news, I’m putting in twice as much good.

Yesterday, I baked a pie. I went to the farm and sat in my grandma’s chair. I did an hour of meditation/yoga on Facebook Live with my dear Earth Mother yogi friend, Sue in Colorado. I snuggled the kitty. I walked around our property with Mr. FixIt. I made BBQ pulled pork sandwiches for supper and pie for dessert. And I spent time studying my bible devotionals. It was a good day...even though the virus is creeping closer.

My God is bigger than any virus. He’s bigger than any of my stuff. When I remember who’s in charge here and how this story ends, even if I caught the virus and went to Heaven...I win. Because HE won...and I put my faith in HIM.

I will not be afraid.

You can watch my friend Sue’s movement meditation video here.

❤️

“Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer.”
Psalms 19:14 ESV

Keeping our Distance: Day 2

Wed, 18 Mar 2020 01:30:00 -0600

This is a time to look out for one another.

Honestly, our life here at The Ponderosa BCV (before Coronavirus) and ACV (after Coronavirus) isn’t that much different. That’s mainly because we are retired. I think we are affected more by Mr. FixIt’s continued recovery from his stroke than we are the global pandemic. We have been taking turns making breakfast. (He makes the BEST oats!)

Up until late afternoon, West Virginia was official the only state without a confirmed case of COVID-19. Governor Justice announce there has been on confirmed case over in the Eastern Panhandle. However, I have a friend from high school...a retired nurse. She says her son and daughter-in-law tested positive last week in Morgantown and it was never reported. So, who knows what’s really going on.

West Virginia runs 50th in so many things, it looks like we are running 50th in the number of tests being performed as well. You know it has to be here. All we can to is practice good hygiene and social distancing.

The garage called today and my truck was ready so we went to pick it up. While it took the guy a week-and-a-half to finish, it cost a third of what it would have at the dealership.

We watched the news together, but only to hear if there are more directives. I baked a pie with some blackberries from the freezer and made a casserole of pork roast, veggies and noodles. We are determined to eat through all the fresh stuff before it goes bad so we don’t waste a thing.

After dessert, I excused myself to write my post. I sat and thought about what we should talk about tonight. Yesterday was St. Patrick’s Day. Mr. Virgo loved St. Patrick’s Day. Just about every year, I had to go buy green food coloring at the last minute so the bar could serve green beer. These memories make me smile. However, Mr. Virgo was buried the day before St. Patrick’s Day. And that always makes me think.

He warned me before he died that bad things were going to start happening in this country. Things with politics, finances, and health. He said it felt like a rubber band was drawing too tight or like a balloon being overfilled. I don’t know if he had a premonition, or if it was just his love of history and world events that spurred him, but he was constantly telling me to be prepared.

I wanted to believe him, but it seemed so fantastical at the time. Still, his warnings have never left me and I do find myself more prepared than I might have been before. I have friends who have lost spouses in the last year....two in the last week. When I think back over the months after losing Mr. Virgo...it was so terribly difficult to cope. And that was in a stable world. I cannot imagine what these people are going through without their person. To try to navigate this AND actively grieve is an unbearable thought.

It doesn’t just take a death to trigger grief. You may be grieving the loss of security the COVID-19 virus is bringing to our lives. When things happen beyond our control, it can trigger grief reactions and PTSD. When I begin to feel frightened, I change my focus back to God and remind myself...no matter what happens here, He will never leave me. Even with that, I walk around with a little knot in the pit of my stomach. I take all the unknowns that I have no control over and put them in the God box and set outside the front door.

All in all, we are doing just fine. We’re just taking it one day at a time.

So, how are things with you in your world. Are you feeling ok? What are you doing with your time? How have things changed for you in the last couple of weeks? Let me hear from you...tell me how you're doing.

❤️

“Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.”
‭‭Philippians‬ ‭2:4‬ ‭ESV‬‬

What Happens if Nothing Happens?

Mon, 16 Mar 2020 01:30:00 -0600

This is what most of our stores looked like this weekend. It won’t always be this way.

We’ve been listening intently to the news. We’ve followed every story, listened to every nightmarish tale, seen and heard things we wish we’d never seen or heard. We’ve pillaged the stores in a way that would make a Viking proud. We’ve hoarded toilet paper, hand sanitizer, gloves, masks, and cleaners. Our pantries are stocked with everything from diapers to donuts. We’ve got every medicine available for every eventuality. The schools are closed. The stores are cutting back hours to give the staff enough time to restock. The hospitals are rationing supplies and making contingency plans for every possible scenario. And so...we wait.

We are socially distancing ourselves. We are staying home...away from crowds and germs. We are binge watching every series on Netflix that sparks our interest. We are learning new skills. We are putting away food and reading. We are checking in on those who might need our help. We are watching church online or on television. We are reaching out with phone calls and texts and, dare I say...handwritten letters.

And...we wait.

And wait some more.

What happens if...after we’ve waited and waited and sacrificed and been inconvenienced... What happens if...nothing happens? No big surge of disease. No drastic sudden influx of all these “hundreds of thousands of sick people?”

I’ll tell you what SHOULD happen. We should breathe a HUGE sigh of relief because it means what we did...WORKED. It means we flattened the curve. It means we sacrificed our usual routines and made the most of it and we saved countless lives.

I know there will be a bunch of us who do that very thing. We’ll high five and say “Well done!” We’ll thank everyone in healthcare and the service industries. We will do our best to boost up the mom and pop business that took a hit from the shutdowns. We will praise our health officials who made difficult and unpopular decisions. And hopefully, we’ll remember to thank God for never leaving us in our darkest hours.

If we have an ounce of forethought...a shred of decency...a touch of humanity we WON’T be that person who stands up and screams that it was all a hoax. That the whole thing was conjured up to throw an election or to make any one person or party look bad. That is petty. We must be better than that.

If we gain anything...just one tiny thing from this whole meshugas...it’s that we start looking for the humanity in each other again. We need to start finding love and kindness again. We need to remember...we may be different wings, but we’re flying the same bird here. Please, for the love of God...let’s turn something that’s potentially terrible into something that helps us see the divine in each other.

Let’s let the legacy of the coronavirus be compassion.

❤️

“Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful.”
Colossians 3:12-15 ESV

West Virginia: An Island in a Viral Land

Sun, 15 Mar 2020 01:30:00 -0600

Notice West Virginia is the only one that’s empty. There’s reasons for that.

I don’t know if you’ve seen the latest news regarding COVID-19 or not, but West Virginia has the distinction of being the last state without a confirmed case of this viral menace. We hillbillies are sitting over here thinking “Heck, yeah! We’ve been drinking water tainted with C8 all our lives. We’ve been mining coal and have black lung. We cut our teeth on moonshine and coffee. Of COURSE it’s not here!”

Yeah, well...not so fast. What that map says is “confirmed” cases. You can’t find a virus if you aren’t getting tested for it and, since West Virginia ranks 50th in most things, it’s only natural we wouldn’t be on the top of the list for getting truckloads of tests delivered. There are other reasons there is a hole in the map.

West Virginians are a solitary people for the most part. Our “social distancing” is created by hills and hollers and long, winding country roads. And, given the demographics, we are far less likely to participate in overseas travel...or much of any travel, for that matter. Except for the OBX and Myrtle Beach, the average West Virginian may not have traveled more than a couple hundred miles from home in their entire lives.

And, let’s be honest here. West Virginia is beautiful, but there is a reason game shows don’t give away trips to the Mountain State. We are mostly rural farmlands and mountains and, while there is a lot to do here, people are not beating a path to our door. I think we kind of like it that way.

The down side of this is, West Virginia is a poor state. Access to adequate healthcare can be difficult in rural areas. We are high on the obesity and chronic disease charts. Drug use and smoking are rampant. We’re low on the education and the income charts. But, I’ll tell you what we DO have.

We’ve got grit. Determination. We take care of each other. We pull together in times of trouble. These things go a long way in a crisis. Yesterday, as I was working in the kitchen, it occurred to me...

We know how to DO stuff. We know how to garden, raise animals, preserve food, build shelter, hunt for food. As my cousin Valerie said yesterday, “I feel like I’ve been training for this my whole life!” She’s right, you know. We have.

I grew up spending a great deal of time at my Grandma’s house. I learned how to can and cook by watching her. I got out of practice when I lived a cushy life in Colorado, but it’s like riding a bicycle...you never forget once you’ve learned. I was working around the house on Friday when my good friend Diane called to say the local grocery store was still well stocked, but at soon as folks from town learned about it, they would descend on it. So if I needed anything, I’d better go.

I’ve still had a few nagging thoughts that maybe we didn’t have quite enough to get by. The unknown factor here is just how long we may have to hunker down. And, what if the elderly people out the road need some soup or something? I really wanted to add a few things to our larder, so I made a quick trip to “the Pig.”

When I got home, I finally felt secure that we have what we need. Other than milk, we shouldn’t have to make a trip to the store for 2-3 weeks. That sounds good to me. I bought a couple roasts. I cut one up in cubes and put up ten quarts of vegetable beef soup. That’s always a good thing to have around. I have flour and yeast to bake bread if we need it. I got another large package of hamburger and divided it into portions for the freezer. I saved out enough to make a batch of taco meat. That is great in tacos and on salads and burritos. And, I baked a big pork roast. Just the roast alone will feed us for several days.

Jars of homemade vegetable soups are not only pretty to look at, but they’re packed with nutrients. Good to have around...in sickness and in health!

As I ladled the hot soup into jars, I thought of the younger generations. Unless they are raised in the country, they likely have not learned vital survival skills. When I raised my girls, I didn’t teach them these things because we lived in town. I didn’t think they would need to know how to raise and preserve their own food. And, hopefully they won’t. But at least they should know how to if the time should come and their lives depend on it.

I searched the internet for some good resources for those who need/wish to learn basic survival skills. Back when I was an avid reader of Mother Earth News and a wannabe farmer, I lived on two acres and had a huge garden. Here are a couple really good books I depend on when I need to know how to do something. And a website that deals with natural remedies. (Note: These are things I use personally. I am not a physician or an expert in the field of natural remedies. Any decisions to follow any of these recommendations are your own responsibility.)

The Encyclopedia of Country Living, 50th Anniversary Edition: The Original Manual for Living off the Land & Doing It Yourself

Complete Book of Home Preserving (400 Delicious and Creative Recipes for Today)

A Better Way to Thrive

This is a time of uncertainty. We can succumb to fear, or we can use this as an opportunity to hunker down and get some things done. Do a deep cleaning at home. It’s time for that spring cleaning anyway. Learn a new skill like knitting or quilting or canning. Get in touch with your faith. Meditate. Plow up a garden or prepare some big pots for veggies. Plant seeds in trays to grow your own seedlings for your garden. Paint a room...or two. Clean out that garage or basement. Gather things to be ready to donate them when you venture out again.

I read something yesterday that really hit home. @mattdpearce on Twitter posted:

“I imagine all the closures give people a sense of ominousness. But it’s really an amazing act of social solidarity: We’re sacrificing so we can give nurses, doctors and hospitals a fighting chance. Start from there and hopefully we can figure out the rest.”

If any of your people are in the medical profession, do whatever you can to help them. Check in on the elderly and infirm. Watch out for your neighbors. Let’s all be good humans.

I know it can be frightening when we feel out of control, so look for the ways you DO have control. Social distancing, self-isolation, and good hand washing. and all these other things I’ve recommended. Let’s flatten the curve!

❤️

“And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.”
Philippians 4:19 ESV

Panic! At the Grocery

Tue, 10 Mar 2020 01:30:00 -0600

Don’t panic...use caution and common sense.

Yesterday was so great. It started out with an MRI that took for-ev-er but was really pretty easy, as far as those things go. Poor Mr. FixIt has claustrophobia so he has to be medicated to have an MRI. He wasn’t always like that. He has worked in a field where he needed to crawl into tight places to work and design better ways of doing things. But when he had an MRI, the technician told him to just yell if he had any trouble. He started getting panicky and yelled, but the guy didn’t answer so he climbed out of the machine. That was the end of that...it’s either meds or alcohol. Take your pick.

Out of all the things that frighten me, an MRI just isn’t one of them. Partly because I worked in the medical field for so long, I have a healthy understanding of how it all works. And partly because I am extremely good at creative visualization. I can picture myself anywhere else...clearly. As the MRI machine roared to life with that knocking and banging and whirring, it reminded me of that time I got to run a bulldozer. My cousin’s husband was building a cabin up on a mountain and had to bring his dozer down. (It’s called walking it down, even though you are driving it.) That was truly one of the coolest things I have ever done and I spent the whole MRI envisioning it.

I needed to have a lot of scans then they pulled me out of the machine, gave me an injection of Gallium (a mild radioactive substance mixed with iodine that made a bee-line for my thyroid to light it up), then they put me back in to finish the scan. The technician remarked that I was holding so still and I was so calm. She wanted to know my secret. I told her I was bulldozing the lot where we’re going to build our new house. She looked at me and laughed and told me she had never heard that one before. I’m sure not! I’m quirky that way. lol

When I was finally finished with the scan and we had a healthy breakfast in us, we ran some errands. One stop was Sam’s Club. We did our “prepper run” last week when we bought a bunch of meat and packaged it up for the freezer and a bunch of canned and dry goods for the pantry. I tried to buy some toilet paper last week but Mr. FixIt reminded me we had a full bulk pack we haven’t even opened yet, as well as several other rolls. He convinced me we didn’t need more.

But yesterday, he and I almost came to blows in the toilet paper aisle at Sam’s because I felt absolutely compelled to buy more toilet paper. His solid reasoning and calm demeanor finally convinced me to let go of the package, but ohhhhhh....I really, REALLY wanted to buy that and I couldn’t for the life of me tell you why. I just NEEDED it. Then, I came across this great article explaining exactly WHY I wanted to buy that toilet paper and I was reassured of two things. I’m not crazy. And, I have a very cool headed husband I need to listen to when the panic starts to seep in.

You can read that article HERE.

When we were finished shopping, we went to City Park and walked 1.25 miles. It was 72℉ out and sunny. What an absolutely stellar day! The spring flowers are just starting to bloom, the trees are budding, and I’ve even heard peepers. (Although, someone has put in a double wide on the lot next to our property. There used to be an old pond out there and they filled it in to make enough yard around the house. I’m so afraid that has wiped out a whole colony of my favorite little frogs.)

Home, played with the kitty, made a pot of chili and apple crisp, and watched The Voice. It was really a great day...and I didn’t succumb to the panic surrounding the Coronavirus. Just keep washing those hands!

❤️

“He sent out his word and healed them, and delivered them from their destruction.”
Psalms 107:20 ESV

It’s “Feel Good Friday”...Let’s Get Moving!

Fri, 06 Mar 2020 02:30:00 -0600

When your body hurts and you don’t know why, keep asking till you get the answers.

Three years ago, I went on a health improvement journey. I did great! I lost forty-five pounds or so. I got lean and strong and fit. I was eating clean and green. I could walk a flight of 176 stairs nine times without huffing and puffing. Mr. FixIt and I started dating. I did really well the first year keeping up with my diet and exercise. Then, winter set in, I started knitting full time, and my dear friend Janine said, “Write your book! You can knit at the book signings!”

That motivated me to sequester myself and write like crazy. The byproduct, besides a nearly finished book was...a bigger behind from sitting and writing and eating. Those of you who know the yo-yo diet sequence understand how hard it is to jump back on the bandwagon when you’ve fallen off hard. I was feeling defeated and discouraged but I didn’t have much time to sit and cry about it. 2019 was one of my busiest travel and writing years I’ve ever had.

One of the side effects of letting your health take a back seat is, things sneak up on you on quiet stocking feet. They tiptoe in and sit down. You hardly notice they’re there till enough of them come and pretty soon, you’ve got a LOT of things going on. Mine started with a sharp pain in my left foot at the base of my middle toe. Gradually it moved on down toward the little toe. Then, it moved to my left calf muscle. It felt like I had torn the muscle in half. The next day it would be gone and my right foot would hurt. Eventually it was my left hip, then my right elbow, then back to the left foot. It was crazy!

My doctor sent me to a podiatrist, but I didn’t go till after the big camping extravaganza was over. I had an MRI, x-rays, lab tests. Nothing. No one had answers and I stopped talking about it because I figured it must be in my head. When Mr. FixIt had his stroke a couple of weeks ago and my blood pressure shot up, I thought I should make an appointment with the nurse practitioner to get it checked. It had been twenty years since I had any trouble with BP and I just wanted to make sure it was just stress related and would go down...or need treatment.

The nurse practitioner asked me what kind of stress I was experiencing. I told her about Mr. FixIt, and the busy travel year, and all the writing, and the pain. Her ears perked up.

“Pain? Where? How long have you had it?”

I pooh-poohed the whole thing because, seriously, what could possibly cause pain that migrates everywhere on a daily basis. She insisted on the details so I told her, but I was still dismissive. She said there are indeed things that can cause just those symptoms and she ordered a whole barrage of blood tests. Sure enough, there are some things out of whack. We still have to do some more tests, but on a preliminary basis, it looks like something going on with my thyroid. I need an MRI and they’re sending me to an Endocrinologist...a doctor who specializes in the endocrine system.

In the meantime, I’ve been back on track with my diet for the last three weeks. No sugar, no gluten, intermittent fasting, and pretty much whatever I want to eat. I’ve lost about eight pounds already. We are both eating much, much better and I am following 99Walks...the program app that Girl Camper has teamed up with. It’s a membership walking program with teams and goals and rewards. I’m also keeping a food log on MyFitnessPal...another app I use daily.

While I was searching for a feel good story for today, I came across Joan MacDonald. Joan was 70 years old and 200 pounds. She looked like me...grey hair, tired eyes, sallow skin....in other words...unhealthy. Joan’s daughter is a fitness trainer and yogi and she begged her mom to take charge of her health and turn things around. I watched my own mother fail physically and refuse to change things. I won’t be that way. I have SO much to be here for...I’ll be darned if I’m going to go out prematurely...unnecessarily.

Joan has given me a big shot in the arm. This isn’t vanity...this is an emergency. This is “Get it together, kiddo! You’re failing here!” It’s time to get serious, stay serious, and be the best I can be. Because...today? Today is the youngest I will EVER be again! How many “todays” do I have left? Check out Joan’s story HERE.

Let’s get up and go, my friends! It’s not only “Feel Good Friday”...it’s also “Fitness Friday!”

❤️

“Dear friend, I pray that you may enjoy good health and that all may go well with you, even as your soul is getting along well.”
3 John 1:2 NIV

The Sky is Falling, The Sky is Falling

Sun, 01 Mar 2020 02:30:00 -0600

Do any of you remember being quarantined as a child?

***sigh***

Fear mongering is rampant in this day and age. Good night nurse...you can’t turn on the TV without seeing horrifying stories about everything. Every. Darned. Thing. It’s really beginning to get to me. My blood pressure is high enough from the stress of Mr. FixIt’s episode last week. I don’t need to see the horrors...real and imagined...being played out on every channel with a signal.

I remember the first time I had an inkling we as a society were being manipulated by the media. I remember the first time I realized the internet was a double-edged sword. I’m not pointing fingers because I know there are bad actors on both sides of the aisle. We are responsible for researching and verifying as best we can and make our own decisions based on what we learn.

The coronavirus is the current topic of interest for this news cycle. In time, it will be something else. A story is “ridden” till people are bored with it then a new story is the “it” thing. It astounds me how quickly things spiral out of hand.

I’ve survived polio till the vaccine finally came out.

I’ve had measles, mumps, chickenpox, and scarletina and survived.

Do any of you remember being quarantined as a child? I was in 1st Grade when I got scarletina. Our home was quarantined...with the note on the door and everything. The doctor came to my house to check on me a couple of times. I remember i was very sick and he gave me a shot. I didn’t go to school for a couple of weeks.

I’ve survived Hong Kong flu, Asian Flu, SARS, H1N1, the Cuban Missile Crisis, Y2K, Haley’s Comet, the end of the Mayan Calendar, AIDS, and the various predicted dates of the Apocalypse that have come and gone.

The nonsense that is going around astonishes me. Some people aren’t eating Chinese food for fear of contracting coronavirus. Some people are boycotting Corona beer because they think that’s where the virus is coming from. OY.

I texted Hubby #2 the other day. He’s an internist with 34 years of practice under his belt. I asked him what his take was on the coronavirus. He said usual precautions. And stop watching the news.

The usual precautions are:

Wash your hands...well and often.

Avoid crowds in closed in areas for a while.

Don’t touch your face, nose, mouth or eyes.

Don’t share food utensils or drinks with others.

If you have symptoms, don’t go to work or school. Wear a mask. (Research is finding walking around town with a trendy little face mask isn’t really adding much protection to keep you from getting the flu but if you HAVE it, it can keep from spreading it to others.)

Wipe down counters and common areas with sanitizing wipes or use a water/bleach solution.

Use hand sanitizer if you don’t have access to soap and water.

And...wash your hands, wash your hands, wash your hands!

This isn’t a political issue, but it’s being made into one. EVERYTHING is being made into a political issue this time around. I’m not going to jump on anyone’s bandwagon. I just want the truth. And it’s getting harder and harder to find. It drives me batso!

Anyway...try not to get overwhelmed by all the hype and use your common sense about any viral outbreak.

Oh, and did I say to wash your hands???

❤️

“A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.”
Proverbs 17:22 NIV

Uncharted Territory

Tue, 25 Feb 2020 02:30:00 -0600

I often awaken to his hand on my shoulder. I covet this moment.

There is nothing like a health scare to shake you up....wake you up. After losing Mr. Virgo the way I did, my fear level Friday night isn’t surprising. But, now we’re here...we’re home...we’re processing. We’re walking on eggshells a little bit...feeling our way out on the ice to make sure it’s solid beneath us.

I’m trying not to be hyper-vigilant. Mr. FixIt is trying not to worry me. We both slept the deep sleep of exhaustion and relief on Sunday night. We had a very laid back day yesterday. We didn’t even get out of our jammies. We ate and slept and watched movies. We smiled and kissed and hugged a lot...because we can.

We’ll keep a low profile for another day or so. But then, it’s back in the saddle...albeit at a bit more slower pace. Look...we both have health issues. We aren’t 37 anymore. Waking up to that...getting our heads out of the sand...is important. It reminds us to be present in each moment. We don’t have the time to waste anymore.

Yes, we’re a little sad. And, we’re more than a little scared. But...we can’t walk on eggshells forever. We can’t stop living. We just have to be watchful and live our best lives. So, we made follow up appointments. And we looked at vacation rentals to extend our April beach trip by an extra week. Leaving him and going off on solo adventures might take me a while to get comfortable with. We’ll just have to see.

Like I said...it’s uncharted territory. Deeper conversations will come as to how we will navigate it. But for now, we are just resting easy and feeling ever so grateful that this wasn’t any worse. Mr. FixIt felt much better yesterday. Thank you all so much for your kind words of love and support and, of course, for your many heartfelt prayers. We appreciate them so much!

❤️

“This is the day that the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.”
Psalms 118:24 ESV

No Luxury of Losing It

Sun, 23 Feb 2020 02:30:00 -0600

My strength comes from Heaven...the heavenly hosts who are always and forever available to me.

First, let me thank you for your prayers Friday night. This one was for us. My sweet Mr. FixIt had a stroke Friday night. It was mild, but concerning enough that he is in the hospital for a couple of nights for tests. My heart was pounding out of my chest and wave after wave of hot flushes rushed over me. Visions of the final trip to the ER with Mr. Virgo had me in a near panic.

I drove, maybe a little fast...but we got to the hospital in record time. It wasn’t the kind of medical emergency you need an ambulance for. He just had some numbness and tingling. It was more “let’s just go in and get this checked out to make sure everything is ok.” When they descended on Mr. FixIt and started all the medical stuff, I excused myself to the ladies room and threw up.

I didn’t have the luxury of losing it. My sweetheart knows these things scare the dickens out of me and he kept asking me if I was ok. I was honest.

“No, not at the moment. But I’m going to be.” I squeezed his hand and offered a brave smile.

I sent out the prayer request. (Thank you SO much for all your prayers!) I wrapped my arms around my sweet husband and prayed for us both. And I began to feel that sense of peace beyond all understanding.

God didn’t mean for us to do the heavy lifting. He wants us to turn all things over to Him. When I sat there, I thought of all the people I know who have been through so many hard things lately. People I know and love. I took strength from their courageous fights. I felt a Legion of Angels around us from all the prayers.

We waited, and waited, and waited for a room. Which almost always means we were waiting for the staff in the ER to find a moment between patients to get us upstairs. At one point, I thought if I could just get a blanket for him and turn off the lights, at least he would be able to get some sleep while we waited.

I went out to the desk and the tech said she was just coming to get us and take us to our room. Pretty soon, she came in and apologized. She said she had to go prepare a patient. Those of us who have worked in an ER know what that means. A patient had died and the family needed to come in to see their loved one. She was going to go make them presentable.

I didn’t say anything to Mr. FixIt as she left. I just held his hand a little tighter as my mind wandered to the day I was led in to see Mr. Virgo after they had made him “presentable” for me. I closed my eyes and said a prayer for the family who were about to have that horrible experience. I prayed that the Angels would come and wrap their wings around them and comfort them in their time of great heartbreak.

I patted Mr. FixIt’s hand and said, “It’s ok, babe. Someone else needs her more than we do right now. We’re ok.”

Thank you, God. This could have been so much worse.

❤️

“Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”
1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 NIV

Avoiding the Medical Treadmill

Sat, 22 Feb 2020 02:30:00 -0600

There are times when meds are medically necessary. Having a history of problems with pain meds makes me hyper vigilant to stay away from them.

There was a time when I found myself stuck on the medical treadmill. Get treated for something. Get side effects. Get treated for the side effects. Get more side effects. Get more treatment. It was a vicious cycle and I honestly believe if I hadn’t suffered the overdose, that treadmill would have been the death of me.

It was all too easy to get on that track. I was married to a prominent doctor. All doctors go the extra mile for another doctor’s family. The specialists get their referrals from internists and family practitioners. Of course they're going to make sure those people are treated to the very best there is to offer. That’s the way it’s always been.

The problem comes when someone is smart enough to work the system. Someone with a predilection to addiction. Someone who knew very well how to hide it after watching her family of origin do the same thing. That someone, of course, was me. If I was asked if I needed pain meds, I said yes.

The overdose was the end of that ride. I feel like God only gives us so many tickets for drinks. Far fewer for opioids. Let’s just say, I used my portion up way too fast and I was left trying to figure out how to live without them...how to build a new life after the old one collapsed around me. It took a lot of time and an incredible amount of work and personal growth to get through to the other side of that.

Since losing Mr. Virgo, I developed some health issues. Grief doesn’t just affect the emotions. It can have a deleterious effect on your body. The first thing that struck me was PTSD. The next was Palmar-Plantar Psoriasis. That was so debilitating. I tried everything for three years and finally struck pay dirt when I cut out sugar and gluten, started exercising and taking multivitamins, and using CBD ointment on my hands and feet.

Since being with Mr. FixIt, I’ve slowly lost my mojo in the taking care of myself department. The old adage “fat and happy” is pretty spot on. It was so much more fun to cook and bake and eat and snuggle than it was to get my butt outside and walk. You remember when I was on my health kick and lost a ton of weight. I was climbing those stairs downtown five to ten times, three to five times per week. I was really getting fit.

“Fat and happy” is taking its toll on me. I’m now pre-diabetic. I have a hiatal hernia and acid reflux and diverticulosis and high cholesterol. Those are the invisible things. I’ve gained weight. And along with that weight gain has come a drastic increase of my joint and muscle pain. From my feet to my lower back, I’ve had pain so bad there have been days Mr. FixIt has actually had to help me up out of a recliner. And I’m only sixty-six!

I can’t have this. I have this big family to love on and do things with. I have my writing and my travel. My campers. I’m staring at the other end of the stick now...I need to get crackin’ if I want to live my best life. I owe this to myself. And I owe it to Mr. FixIt and my family.

So, as of last Friday, I’m back on the bandwagon. I haven’t had any sugar or gluten, bread, pasta or potatoes. In just two days, the pain was so drastically reduced, I have been able to get back on my walking regimen. Girl Camper has just partnered with 99Walks, a subscription walking club. You can listen to motivational talks while you walk. You can join virtual teams. And when you meet your walking goals for the month, you get a stainless steel bracelet with that months motivational message on it. So far, I’ve walked ten miles this week.

My only other choice would have been to succumb to the pain, go see my doctor, and get back on the medical treadmill again. I’m not about to do that. Not when I know full well how I got this way and what to do about it. That same intelligence that finagled drugs from my ex-husband’s colleagues has been turned from evil to good. Honoring my body. Taking care of the temple where the Holy Spirit dwells. It’s time to take charge. Because the alternative is pretty darned grim.

❤️

““Be careful, or your hearts will be weighed down with carousing, drunkenness and the anxieties of life, and that day will close on you suddenly like a trap. For it will come on all those who live on the face of the whole earth. Be always on the watch, and pray that you may be able to escape all that is about to happen, and that you may be able to stand before the Son of Man.””
Luke 21:34-36 NIV

Self-Care & Sunshine

Tue, 18 Feb 2020 02:30:00 -0600

So, I just took down my tree and February is nearly over. Don’t judge! lol

I’ve noticed something about the last two winters. Last year, after spending the month of January knitting every day, I sequestered myself in Big TOW-Wanda for the entire month of February writing my book. I noticed two things. First, the winter seemed to fly by because of my immersion in writing...and in spending so much time in my happy place. The second thing I noticed was an uptick in my social anxieties when travel season started. Getting out and doing things led to that old uncomfortable fear I’ve felt all my life when I have to go out into crowds of people and fulfill the expectations of others. It took a few months to desensitize myself from the isolation of being such a homebody all winter.

This winter has been drastically different. I never stopped running all year. I was gone four months, I drove everywhere, I traveled to thirteen states, my daughter got married, I started a new position with Girl Camper opening a new OH/WV Chapter as well as a page on their website, I was the brand ambassador for the charity raffle trailer, and we got two new great grandbabies. Honest to goodness...I haven’t had time to breathe and I certainly wasn’t socially isolated this year. Therefore, I am not feeling those old familiar rushes of anxiety when I face certain social situations. I think I’m onto something here.

I’m beginning to look at my life more holistically. I’m reminding myself everything is interconnected. My diet and exercise will affect my emotional as well as my physical wellbeing. I’ve been chasing this rather nebulous pain in my feet and legs for the last several months. I quite by accident found cutting out gluten and sugar affects that as well as any depressive symptoms of SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder). Combine that with keeping too busy to think about it and this has been a comparatively easy winter. Granted, again we had very little snow and only had limited days that were truly bitter cold. That helps, too.

Another thing that helps is leaving our Christmas tree up late. I actually just took it down yesterday. I shoot for Valentine’s Day or thereabouts to take it down these days. I love the extra light and sparkle the white twinkle lights bring into my world. Why would I want to get rid of that? So, yesterday I took down my Christmas tree. And in eighteen days, we change to Daylight Savings Time. I’m not depressed. I’m motivated and enjoying life, walking and eating right, and keeping just busy enough.

We went to the farm yesterday and took the Christmas decorations down out there as well. We swept up dead ladybugs and fed the birds. A feral cat left us the gift of a dead vole on the back porch. The daffodils are up about five inches. With the leaves down, you can see several new deadfalls up in the woods. The sun was shining and it was nearly 60℉. When we got home, Pumpkin was waiting for us at the door to the building. When she hears our truck, she waits till we pull in the driveway then runs and jumps in the cab with us for a snuggle.

Our life has an easy rhythm to it now that we’ve been married a while. It’s all good here on the ranch.

❤️

“I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength.”
Philippians: 4:11-13 NIV

Love is All There Is

Thu, 06 Feb 2020 02:30:00 -0600

“Sometimes Western Medicine doesn’t have all the answers. That’s when love is all there is.”

Back in late December, I sent out an urgent prayer request for my sweet friends, Greg and Sean. Greg had come home from work on a Thursday night feeling achy and in less than 48 hours, he was life flighted to Denver, in a medically induced coma, and on life support with bags and bags of medicine and oxygen and tubes running in and out of his body. It was touch and go for quite a while.

Sean wrote a daily entry on Caring Bridge, keeping their many friends and family informed what was going on. I came to look forward to the new update everyday so I would know what to pray for next. The pictures Sean posted of our sweet friend were heartbreaking. And slowly...ever so slowly...things turned around. A tiny improvement became a bigger one and a bigger one. He came off the machines. The tubes were pulled. He started eating bite by precious bite till now he is in a rehab center not far from their home. He’s regaining his strength and starting to do things for himself again. Sean’s reports are coming as praises now for the little milestones her sweet husband is making everyday.

Last night’s journal entry talked about how it felt when, as she was walking away from him to leave, she turned around to look at him once more. She caught him watching her, smiling...their many years of love communicating without words and her heart soared. She will never take the little things for granted again. I used to wonder what our lives would have been like if the CPR would have been successful and Mr. Virgo could have returned home after rehab. Those thoughts used to drive me crazy because it was an entirely moot point, wasn’t it?

The Bible tells us to think on whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable...if anything is excellent or praiseworthy...think about such things. Daydreaming about “what-ifs” doesn’t meet any of these criteria so I learned to leave such thoughts alone.

That being said, I found out the other night, another friend from the same community is going through much of the same thing as a result of complications of the flu. Please keep M.O. in your prayers. This year’s strain seems to be particularly virulent. And with the Wuhan Coronavirus spreading, there is even more reason to keep your house neat and clean, avoid crowds, use good hand washing techniques, keep your hands away from your face, nose, mouth and eyes. Don’t kiss babies. Keep a handful of masks in a ziplock baggie in your purse or car. If you’re sick, stay home. Keep hand sanitizer on you at all times. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure, they say.

There’s a lot of sickness in the world these days. Common sense and lots of love go a long way to curing a lot of ills. When that doesn’t work...try chicken soup. It’s love in a bowl.

❤️

“The Lord sustains them on their sickbed and restores them from their bed of illness.”
Psalms 41:3 NIV

Bucket Lists & Miracles & Making Memories

Sun, 08 Dec 2019 02:30:31 -0600

“When being Santa is on your bucket list…”

This is the time of year where Christmas is around every corner. The twinkling lights and bustling shops, the carols and the wonderful aromas wafting from the kitchen…they all bring up memories. And, while there is a plethora of “warm-fuzzy” memories, there are also sad painful memories that show up with the turn of the calendar and the darkening of the days.

Christmas was Mr. Virgo’s very favorite holiday. When he worked at the Hotel Jerome in Aspen, he was asked to play Santa one year. You would have thought he was stepping on stage at the Met. He was thrilled…not only to play the role, but to grow out his beard. You often are not allowed to have facial hair when you work in Food & Beverage. This was a treat, all the way around. I know what joy that brought him.

One of my high school friends brought us some devastating news a while back. Her sweet brother, Ed Lowe, was diagnosed with cancer. When they did an in depth work up, they found out it had spread through his body. Ed is a pastor, and he knows where he will go when it is his time. He’s taking advantage of every treatment option and covets the prayers of anyone who will pray for a miracle with him.

With his typical optimism, Ed has set out to work on his bucket list. With Christmas fast approaching, he put his wish out there….to be Santa in our hometown Christmas Parade! Phone calls were made and before you knew it, Ed was being fitted for his Santa suit and got to ride down Market Street on a float…waving and smiling and throwing candy to the children lining the parade route.

These are the happy/sad stories we read about this time of year. This is a memory that will be cherished by so many people, no matter what the outcome of Ed’s health scare may be. I’m telling you this story because I love my friend, Janet. I love her fierce devotion to her brother. And, I am asking you to do something for us. Whenever you see Santa in the coming weeks, please send up a prayer for a special man of God who wants his own Christmas Miracle. Please pray for Ed Lowe…and all the others who need miracles, as well.

?❤️????❤️?

“Heal me, Lord, and I will be healed; save me and I will be saved, for you are the one I praise.”
Jeremiah 17:14 NIV

Tuesday Truth: When You CAN...Step Away

Tue, 26 Nov 2019 02:30:07 -0600

“It’s OK to step away!”

Do you have trouble stepping away from toxic relationships? Do you find you are people pleasing yourself into a corner? Are you feeling pressed into doing traditional holiday things even though you would rather not? Or maybe you just can’t face your ____________ (insert relative/friend here) this year…or ANY year? Well, I’m going to do something here…pay very close attention.

Step away.

If you need “permission” then, here…I’m giving you permission.

Holidays can be especially difficult if you’re grieving. Or if you have underlying health issues. Or, you know…if you happen to be human. If you are over the age of consent, holidays can be much more painful than they are pleasurable.

For the last month, I’ve been really looking forward to going over to my cousin’s house for Thanksgiving. I don’t get to see her nearly often enough and this year it was for a very brief visit last month. I love to go and stay over a couple of days, but circumstances change. There are health issues with some of the older generation over there. Last year we left here early Thanksgiving morning, drove over, discovered my aunt had fallen and she and my uncle couldn’t attend dinner, so Mr. FixIt and I packed up a dinner for them and drove it to his house. This added another hour of driving…each way. Then, after our Thanksgiving meal back at my cousin’s house, we got in the tuck and drove home. It made for a very long day and was not relaxing nor fun even though it was great to see everyone.

When I returned on Halloween from the six week camping excursion with the rpod and discovered we had a new kitten, everything changed. Now there are no more impromptu trips and I am not up for a drive-by. I took the self-care approach and opted out. Now we can work hard to finish the back bathroom this week and get the sink, toilet, and shower stall out of our living room in time for our family gathering on Sunday.

Sometimes it’s a sibling. Or an aging parent. You may feel guilty for stepping away, but as I tell you so often, you cannot fill someone else with an empty cup. WE are no good to anyone, including ourselves, if we continue putting ourselves in situations that are toxic and abusive.

I know, I know…there are times when you may be the only one that person has. There may be situations where you are a caregiver and there IS no other option. If you feel stuck…it’s ok to look for options. It’s ok to step away and take care of yourself. It’s ok to stay home and eat a hotdog for Thanksgiving if that will give you more peace. Surround yourself with the people who love you and lift you up and celebrate you if that’s what you want to do. But…give yourself permission to stay home if you need to. It’s ok.

❤️

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”
1 Corinthians 13:4-7 NIV

Story Update: Little Gwen

Wed, 20 Nov 2019 02:30:01 -0600

“We’ve been following Little Gwen since she was born with Arthrogryposis. Look…she’s standing!!!”

Last year I wrote about little Gwen. Her grandma is my friend, Jody who graduated with Daughter #1. Gwen was born with Arthrogryposis. I posted a picture of her back then with her little twisted legs and hands. One knee bent completely backwards and her foot sat in front of her face. Her jaw is severely recessed and because of that, her swallowing is restricted. She has had a feeding tube ever since she was a newborn.

God knew what He was doing when He brought Gwen to her family. I can’t imagine any family any better equipped to handle the severe challenges that lay in front of them. They stand up and deliver the very best for Gwen and are her true champions.

Gwen has had more than her share of setbacks in her short life with frequent hospitalizations. In spite of the Arthrogryposis, she has come further than anyone could have imagined. She has the best medical team around and has made great strides.

Her legs are straight now but she still wears braces to help keep them growing right. Her little feet aren’t moving with the braces like they had hoped so she may need to have surgery to fix them. These are difficult decisions for young parents to make. This surgery may help her feet move into a better position. However, it can also condemn her to wearing braces on her legs the rest of her life. That’s a lot to consider. It isn’t an emergency, so Mom and Dad are getting a second opinion.

I wanted to share Gwen’s most recent photo. This picture just warmed my heart. Look at her standing up! I’m so happy for her and her family. They’ve worked so hard to see every little milestone. I know they get discouraged from time to time, but they are the first to get right back up and encourage Gwennie to be her best little self…no matter what life brings her way!

Won’t you join me in lifting Gwen and her family up in prayer? Pray that they find the perfect solution for her little feet. Pray that her body gets strong and that illness stays away from her. Pray for strength and courage, joy and peace for her and her entire family. They are a faith-filled family and know where their every blessing comes from. Praises for her accomplishments.

We love you, little Gwen! Keep up the good work and remember, God is with you always!

❤️

“Then Jesus said to his host, “When you give a luncheon or dinner, do not invite your friends, your brothers or sisters, your relatives, or your rich neighbors; if you do, they may invite you back and so you will be repaid. But when you give a banquet, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, the blind, and you will be blessed. Although they cannot repay you, you will be repaid at the resurrection of the righteous.””
Luke 14:12-14 NIV

Let Things Go

Sun, 08 Sep 2019 01:30:33 -0600

“Letting things go for a little while gives your mind and heart a chance to breathe.”

I have a list as long as my arm to get accomplished in the next four days. On the upside, I don’t have a camper to clean and prep for a trip. On the downside, I still have laundry, errands, packing, planning, writing, and a couple of doctor’s appointments before I slip out of town on Thursday for the beginning of this amazing Girl Camper Trailer Tour.

So, with all this stuff on my list, what did I do yesterday? I let things go. I created a day just for me. I met ten of my dear friends from my high school class for coffee and conversation. We caught up with what’s been going on since the beginning of summer. We haven’t met since June before I left cross country. This is the first chance I’ve had to plan a coffee gathering since returning from Colorado. I needed to fit it in before I leave again this week.

We caught up with everyone’s health issues. Yes, we’re THOSE people now…surgeries, hospitalizations, injuries. We are “of a certain age” and things break down more often it seems. One of the gals was new to our gathering. She’s been liberated from a longstanding situation that didn’t allow her to socialize before now so there was a lot of catching up to do there. We talked about our vacations over the summer and travel plans for the fall. We shared photos of the grandkids…and GREAT grandkids! Ninety minutes flew by and someone called, “Picture time!” We needed to enlist a patron sitting in the cafe to come take our photo. A young woman doing homework. I smiled. “High school friends. Don’t ever lose touch!” She smiled back and took the perfect picture.

When it was time to leave, we each hugged everyone there. We’re of that age…we don’t know “when” and “if” anymore. So we hug and kiss a lot and give lots of “love you’s” and “take care’s”. I left feeling loved and supported and relieved those I care about were experiencing a pretty good week. As I was heading to the truck, one of our granddaughters texted to say she was in town and did I want to snuggle our great grandson. Well…of course! Silly question!

I went to the former Mrs. FixIt’s house and visited her and with not one, but BOTH great grandchildren for an hour or so and caught up with everyone, then headed off for errands. I met Mr. FixIt after his golf scramble and went to one of my favorite stores…Rural King. I’m looking for a cool barn coat but I’m not finding one. I’ll probably have to buy online.

So, there you go…my primer on how to let things go. Totally self serving and vitally important. Church today, then I can piddle around the house. It’ll get done. And, it’ll get done without me feeling like I’ll tear my hair out at any minute. That is a monumental win-win in my book.

❤️

“a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;”
Ecclesiastes 3:5 ESV

Stitched with Love

Fri, 06 Sep 2019 01:30:17 -0600

“My friend’s comfort quilt is on its way. She’s had her first dose of chemo.”

My dear friend’s quilt is on its way out west. As I sat and hand stitched the binding, I listened to praise music for a bit, then I switched over to my daily devotional. My Bible app on my phone has a function where someone reads the Bible to you. That is especially handy for my Bible plan that I’m working on. It’s planned so that you read the entire Bible in a year. I’ve only read the Bible completely once. I read it from cover to cover…from Genesis to Revelations. That’s tough. You get stuck in all those begats and Kings and it’s difficult to keep from going cross eyed.

This plan reads a couple of chapters from the Old Testament and the New Testament. Then it reads some from Psalms and finishes with Proverbs. Every day. Once I got two weeks behind and swore I’d never do that again. Then over the weekend, I hit the two week behind mark again. Currently I’m only behind nine days. I have some catching up to do. Listening over the headphones accomplished two things…it helped me catch up a bit and it let me stitch the Word into my work. Then I prayed over the quilt and hugged it close and sent it off to my friend, hoping she feels the love and hugs and prayers put into each stitch.

I’m counting down the days for my trip now. We’ve all learned from experience just how fast a week can go by. It will be no time and I’ll be off to the Hershey RV Show. I’ll meet Janine there and we’ll work the show for two days. Then we’ll be off to Huntington, WV.

I’ve been researching stays for my trip and all the writing that is going to be involved with it. Lots of driving. Lots of photo editing. Plus another project that’s coming up very soon. PLUS my own writing here. That’s a ton of work. What I will have to do is share my trip writing here on some of the days. It will be extremely difficult (I think) to write the daily essays you and I have become accustomed to. Then again, writing on this blog has become my bedtime ritual and I may not be able to sleep until I write something here.

At any rate, you and I are about to embark on a VERY exciting journey filled with fun experiences and beautiful scenery. And sometimes we’ll still talk about grief. Because, you know…it’s what we do here. Grief and joy can exist at the same time.

❤️

“a time to tear, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;”
Ecclesiastes 3:7 ESV

The Other Side of Fear

Wed, 04 Sep 2019 01:30:51 -0600

“Everything you want is on the other side of fear.” Jack Canfield

I hear from a lot of widows who face fear as one of their most difficult symptoms of grief. Fear of the unknown…fear of being alone…fear of other people’s motives. Navigating grief is difficult enough on it’s own. Add fear, anxiety, and even full blown panic attacks and it ratchets grief up to an unbearable level.

I’ve always had a bit of an anxious nature. Anticipatory social anxiety. Commonly called “stage fright”. I’ve come a long way in learning to control it. Sometimes it bothers me. Sometimes it doesn’t. I’ve learned the things I most want to do lie on the other side of that fear, so I have to figure out ways to get through to the other side in order to find my bliss.

The fear I felt early on after losing Mr. Virgo was different than my usual pre-speech jitters. It was hold-onto-the-edge-of-the-mattress-all-night awful. Through trial and error, I’ve learned a lot of skills…tools for my tool box, so to speak. If I feel myself amping up, one of the things that almost immediately calms me down is listening to praise music. If I’m singing at the top of my lungs, its really difficult to be scared.

I’ve had so many people tell me they would really love to take off camping or traveling by themselves but they are too scared. The bottom line any grief mentor should take is honoring what others are and are not capable of. That being said, if it really is something you want to do, there are ways you can ease into scary situations without jumping in with both feet.

Finding a like-minded friend to do things with can help a lot when it comes to doing new things. Taking little baby steps helps, as well. If your dream is to take a month long trip to Europe but you have panic attacks going to the grocery store, you need to desensitize yourself. Start with little excursions. A short day trip. Repeat till you’re comfortable. Then an overnight, then two…you get the idea. Getting professional help can go a long way toward building your confidence and getting down to the root of the issues you face.

When I was planning the trip to Colorado, my biggest concerns were the social obligations of my daughter’s wedding and being so far away from Mr. FixIt. Losing Mr. Virgo so suddenly brings the possibility of a repeat to the forefront of my imagination. So, yeah…that makes me nervous. The night before the trip, my stomach was in knots but I did my routine and the next morning, I was good to go. It’s not the actual DOING that bothers me…it’s the anticipation. And, sometimes I just have to do the thing and feel the fear.

I’m really excited about the opportunity to take this new camper around. There’s nothing about it that scares me, per se. I may have pre-trip jitters the night before. I may not. Knowing what it is, knowing how to redirect my thinking, knowing just what I need to do helps me feel less out of control and more confident in my own abilities.

What I want is often on the other side of fear, but that’s exactly what makes the experience so much richer. I know exactly what I had to get through to get there and that makes me brave! After all…so far, I have survived every single experience I’ve encountered in my life!

❤️

“Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you."”
Deuteronomy 31:6 ESV

Like Sands Through the Hourglass...

Sat, 31 Aug 2019 01:30:08 -0600

“Sending some cheerful hugs, love and prayers to one of my dearest peeps!”

One of my dearest peeps is having a medical issue that will involve a lengthy period of medical treatments. I can’t be with her or give her hugs or bring her casseroles, so I’m doing the next best thing…I’m sending her a little “Comfort Quilt” to stuff in her tote and take to the hospital. I told her when she wraps herself up in it, she can feel my hugs and prayers because I’m putting both in it!

I spent yesterday afternoon at the little quilt shop in town, cutting and sewing the quilt top. The owner and I spent the time chatting and visiting with the other women who came in to shop. When they were all gone, she asked if I would mind if she turned the TV back on. The last time I was there, she had been watching quilt tutorials. I normally hate TV, but anything educational is quite tolerable.

Imagine my surprise when she turned on…wait for it…..Days of Our Lives! I didn’t even know that was still on the air! Well, I’m here to tell you…it is. I haven’t watched soap operas since Daughter #2 was a baby. I usually watched while I folded the laundry. Here’s the crazy thing…

Maggie…Victor…Marlena…they’re ALL still there!!!

And they’ve been stuck in the same wine cellar since 1990!!!

Seriously though…other than people carrying cell phones, you wouldn’t know 29 years had passed. There was one actress on there that plays two characters…one of whom wears those false teeth that made her look like her daddy drank up all the money for her orthodontia. And she had such a grossly over-exaggerated fake southern hick accent that it was insulting. Every word she said made me want to get up and slap her for making fun of me and my people.

Anyway, I finished the quilt top and the shop owner will quilt it on the long arm tomorrow and I can pick it up Tuesday, sew on the binding and get it sent off with lots of love and hugs and prayers for complete healing and minimal side effects. When I get it finished, I’ll post another picture and you can send your prayers and hugs along with mine!

Till then…I hope you have a fun and safe Labor Day Weekend. And, if you’re in the way of the hurricane…please be careful out there!!! Prayers for your health and safety!

❤️

“Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword.....No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.” ‭‭Romans‬ ‭8:35, 37‬ ‭NIV‬‬

I Miss My Camper!

Thu, 22 Aug 2019 01:30:52 -0600

“It’s amazing how a queen size mattress fits in there.”

I’m missing my camper. I still have Big TOW-Wanda, but she’s not equipped to camp in right now. I removed her shades as soon as I bought her and they were stored at the farm. At the beginning of summer, I was seriously considering selling her because I had the little camper. I brought the shade back from the farm and they are on the floor, the bed isn’t made, and it’s too hot to sleep out there unless the AC is running. Every time I try to turn on the AC with the camper connected to the house, it trips the circuit. Now that Little TOW-Wanda is gone, I’m having second thoughts about selling the big camper. It would be really nice to have a seasonal site on the river and she would be perfect for that.

So, we have been sleeping in the house. We got really spoiled by the memory foam mattress in the little camper. It’s honestly the best sleep we’ve both had because we toss and turn a lot at night. The old mattress we have in the house shakes like crazy every time one of us rolls over. Not so with memory foam. You could drop a bowling ball on one side and not wake the other person. We managed to salvage the mattress out of the little camper before I sold it in Colorado, but we couldn’t figure out a way to get it and everything else home. We decided to give it to Ben & Sue and put it in their guest bedroom.

We finally decided to give in and buy a mattress just like the one in the little camper. We had to do some sleuthing, but we finally found the same mattress by Serta for sale at Sam’s Club. After several trips to our local Sam’s, we never found the queen size in stock so we ordered it online and it arrived yesterday.

I don’t know if you have ever seen how these mattresses are shipped or not. They come vacuum packed and rolled up tightly, wrapped in heavy plastic, and shipped in a box. And, they are heavy! I managed to get the old mattress off the bed and when Mr. FixIt got home, we unpacked the new mattress and placed it on the box springs. We unwrapped it, unrolled it, and took the protective vacuum bag off. Like magic it went from a compressed three inch thick mat to a perfect twelve inch thick mattress in a matter of minutes! It was astonishing!

Now that we have a memory foam mattress inside, will we ever sleep outside in the field in a camper again? Oh, you can bet your boots we will. We’ll just have to wait till it gets cooler. And, it won’t be too long till we can pick up the new camper at the RV show and it will be a moot point anyway. Lots of camping adventures are in the works. I’ve started making and strategizing! In the meantime, I am determined to sleep like a baby on this wonderful new mattress!

❤️

“Suddenly a furious storm came up on the lake, so that the waves swept over the boat. But Jesus was sleeping.”
Matthew 8:24 NIV

Abundance

Mon, 29 Jul 2019 01:30:54 -0600

“Heading into the Weminuche Wilderness”

Joyful abundance! Mr. FixIt is such a great traveler. I love showing him places he hasn’t seen. As a matter of fact, he told me the other night his neck hurts from swiveling back and forth, trying to take it all in. We arrived in Pagosa Springs on Friday afternoon. This is where Mr. Virgo and I lived in 2008. He was the General Manager for a 4200 acre luxury resort here and I did the marketing and catering. It was a short-lived position as our job was to try to turn their losses into profits and try as we might, it was not to be. This is the nature of being a fixer. If you can’t, they close and you lose your job. If you can, they sell and you lose your job. We didn’t really expect to be there long term.

Pagosa Springs is a gorgeous area and I enjoyed the rugged beauty of it. I did not like the short summer, long winter, and gobs of snow. So I was just as happy to get out of there and move on. Still, it is someplace I wanted Mr. FixIt to see and experience. We went out for a wonderful breakfast yesterday morning then headed to the backroads. Mr. Virgo and I used to spend every day off exploring the many dirt roads in the Weminuche Wilderness. This is where I came when I started my grief journey in Little TOW-Wanda. I carried strands of Mr. Virgo’s silver hair into the dense woods above Williams Lake and buried them at the base of a tree, affixing a cross to mark the spot.

We didn’t walk back into the woods yesterday. That wasn’t part of the deal. That was mine…my memory. As a matter of fact, as we drove deeper and deeper into the woods, I felt Mr. Virgo so strongly…as if he were gliding along with us. I told Mr. FixIt story after story. Here’s where we worked. Here’s where we shopped. Here’s where we loved to eat dinner. There’s the car wash where they had to unfreeze the doors so we could get out. That little bakery has the best pastries. This restaurant has the best coffee. My sweet husband held my hand and smiled and nodded and encouraged me to share because he knows this helps me heal and move forward.

Then…in the middle of the afternoon, we found out…great grandchild #3 is on the way!!! Another little boy…arriving in January!!!

My heart is about to explode! THIS!!! This is what I so very nearly lost in January 2000 when I overdosed. At the time, my world was so small, so dark, so difficult and I couldn’t see anything beyond that darkness. And now…look at this! My world is so blessed with such abundance and joy, I can hardly contain myself! Babies! The Wedding! My sweet husband! My wonderful family! My health! My heart!

Thank you…..thank you dearest Heavenly Father…for healing my family…for healing me…for giving me Mr. Virgo to show me I was worthy of earthly love…for giving me Mr. FixIt for helping me through the most difficult period of my life…and for this tremendous family, mine and his, that brings our numbers up and up and up! I’m so high on life, you have to scrape me off the clouds!

❤️

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”
1 Corinthians 13:4-7 NIV

One of These Things is Not Like the Other...a BABY!

Sun, 28 Jul 2019 01:30:28 -0600

“Clockwise, top left: Hollyhocks, Toes along the San Juan River, The view from Independence Pass, and….Baby Boo!!!!!”

It was a beautiful day for a baby! We had a leisurely breakfast and headed through Aspen and up Independence Pass. Mr. Fixit ooooohed and aaaaahed all the way. He’s never seen the likes of Colorado’s beauty. We stopped at the top of the pass and I was going to walk out to the windy point to take pictures but I could hardly catch my breath at 12,000+ feet elevation so I elected to stay in the car taking slow, deep breaths. I was glad to get down lower.

We stopped here and there. When I saw the sign for the turnoff to St. Elmo, I hung a right and went back in time to the 1800’s. It has probably been 40 years since I was there. We looked around at the old buildings and antiques. We sat on a bench and ate ice cream. And we finally climbed back in the truck and headed further south.

Along about Saguache…the phone rang and all I could hear was a tiny baby boy crying. “Wait….OMGosh!!! Is that a baby????? He’s here already????” Yes! Our tiny little Boo made his debut at around 5:30 eastern time weighing in at 6lbs13oz! And, of course….he’s perfect!!!

So, the mountains and the flowers, the river and the relaxing beside it….all pale in comparison to being a great grandma…again! What more could I tell you about today??? Thank you God, for protecting Mommy & Daddy and Nana’s little Boo!

❤️

“A woman giving birth to a child has pain because her time has come; but when her baby is born she forgets the anguish because of her joy that a child is born into the world.”
John 16:21 NIV

Conquering the Impossible

Tue, 23 Jul 2019 01:30:42 -0600

“The Impossible Burger…the best alternative to meat I have ever tasted!”

Back in the late ‘70s, early ‘80s, I was on a real health kick. Like…Mother Earth News health kick. I made my own tofu from scratch. I made our yogurt and granola. I even made homemade Grape-Nuts cereal. While we weren’t vegetarians, we WERE pretty poor because I was working to support our family of three while Hubby #2 was in medical school and residency. Our food budget was trimmed of many luxuries like steak and roasts.

I’ve always been a true meat lover but meat was expensive. I found a product called TVP…texturized vegetable protein. It didn’t have much flavor on its own but it was great in chili and spaghetti sauce…two highly affordable dishes we ate a ton of. Along the way, black bean burgers and veggie burgers were born to offer alternatives to red meat. Health wise, this was good since I had developed high cholesterol.

The other night, we ate at Big Daddy’s Burger Bar and I had a black bean burger. Eh…it was ok. But it didn’t taste a darned thing like a burger. It was just on a bun with all the burger fixings. Now that I am older and have GERD (reflux) along with millions of other Boomers, I get sick just about every time I eat a burger for supper. Still, I crave them…desperately.

We stopped into Red Robin for lunch yesterday when we were out and about. I noticed a card on the table saying they had the Impossible Burger available. I’ve been hearing about this burger substitute on the news and people have been raving about it. I had to try it. Let me tell you…this thing was fabulous. It was exactly like a burger, but it was closer than anything I have ever tasted up to this point and I wanted to go back last night to have another one!

The Impossible Burger isn’t available everywhere yet and it’s popularity is rising so you may not find it around for a while. But when you come across it, I’d highly recommend you give it a try. I am not at all interested in this “meat” they are growing in petrie dishes, but Impossible Burger is plant based. If I could have ready access to it, I’d be more than happy to be a lacto-ovo-vegetarian…someone who eats milk products and eggs but no meat.

New things!

As Mr. FixIt says…life is always an adventure with Ginny McKinney.

You can watch this video that explains the research and development of the Impossible Burger here:

https://youtu.be/8vCd0HPrFj8

❤️

“As for the one who is weak in faith, welcome him, but not to quarrel over opinions. One person believes he may eat anything, while the weak person eats only vegetables. Let not the one who eats despise the one who abstains, and let not the one who abstains pass judgment on the one who eats, for God has welcomed him. Who are you to pass judgment on the servant of another? It is before his own master that he stands or falls. And he will be upheld, for the Lord is able to make him stand. One person esteems one day as better than another, while another esteems all days alike. Each one should be fully convinced in his own mind.”
Romans 14:1-5 ESV

Finding Hope

Mon, 22 Jul 2019 01:30:13 -0600

“God’s promise.”

There have been so many times in my life when I felt I had no hope. I didn’t know about spiritual warfare. I didn’t know the enemy was the one whispering the lies about me into my heart and mind. My life had long stretches of darkness and it wasn’t until I became a Christian that I started to see light at the end of the tunnel.

We went to church yesterday and took Little with us. We sat with our friend Rick and his wife Connie. The pastor is preaching a series on the elements and yesterday was about the wind. And hope. He focused on Ezekiel and the valley of the dry bones. As far as Ezekiel could see, the valley floor was covered with dry, sun-bleached bones. This represented the dried up, faithless Israelites. The Lord asked Ezekiel to speak to the dry bones. To tell them to listen to the Word of the Lord. When he did this, the bones started to rattle and come together. Tendons and muscle and skin formed and soon, they looked like you and me. But they had no life. No inner spark of hope. When Ezekiel told God he had only been halfway successful, God breathed his breath upon the bodies and they came alive and rose as a mighty army.

I know what those bodies felt like. I was dry and sun-bleached in my bones for such a long time. And, when I surrendered, God blew His breath…His Spirit…into me and I rose up like a mighty warrior. Whenever I begin to feel less hopeful, I look for the wind. Mr. FixIt remarked the other day…it never seems terribly hot here in Colorado. Even when the temperature nears triple digits. The reason is two-fold. The humidity is low. And there is always a breeze. You can feel it across the hairs on your arms. And when a wisp of your hair blows across your face. You can see it in the trees and grasses of the field. You can watch it even high above the earth as the clouds in the sky scud along.

When I look for the wind, I can see the breath of God as he works over us…his children. Even when I don’t see God’s promises in my current circumstances, I know He is there…working in the background. Even in my darkest moments…during the years of depression and the overdose, during a painful divorce, during the grief I suffered after losing Mr. Virgo…He was feverishly working to turn these terrible situations into something He could use for His Glory.

Finding hope in today’s world can be so terribly difficult. It is easy to lose hope and see no way out. If you can just remember to feel the wind on your skin and focus on some good thing in your life, you can ignite hope within your soul. Even the smallest ember can be fanned into a flame when you seek and use the Breath of God.

❤️

“The hand of the Lord was on me, and he brought me out by the Spirit of the Lord and set me in the middle of a valley; it was full of bones. He led me back and forth among them, and I saw a great many bones on the floor of the valley, bones that were very dry. He asked me, “Son of man, can these bones live?” I said, “Sovereign Lord, you alone know.” Then he said to me, “Prophesy to these bones and say to them, ‘Dry bones, hear the word of the Lord! This is what the Sovereign Lord says to these bones: I will make breath enter you, and you will come to life. I will attach tendons to you and make flesh come upon you and cover you with skin; I will put breath in you, and you will come to life. Then you will know that I am the Lord.’ ” So I prophesied as I was commanded. And as I was prophesying, there was a noise, a rattling sound, and the bones came together, bone to bone. I looked, and tendons and flesh appeared on them and skin covered them, but there was no breath in them. Then he said to me, “Prophesy to the breath; prophesy, son of man, and say to it, ‘This is what the Sovereign Lord says: Come, breath, from the four winds and breathe into these slain, that they may live.’ ” So I prophesied as he commanded me, and breath entered them; they came to life and stood up on their feet—a vast army. Then he said to me: “Son of man, these bones are the people of Israel. They say, ‘Our bones are dried up and our hope is gone; we are cut off.’ Therefore prophesy and say to them: ‘This is what the Sovereign Lord says: My people, I am going to open your graves and bring you up from them; I will bring you back to the land of Israel. Then you, my people, will know that I am the Lord, when I open your graves and bring you up from them. I will put my Spirit in you and you will live, and I will settle you in your own land. Then you will know that I the Lord have spoken, and I have done it, declares the Lord.’ ””
Ezekiel 37:1-14 NIV

Hand it Over

Sat, 20 Jul 2019 01:30:30 -0600

“For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline. 2 Timothy 1:7”

I have struggled with anxiety all of my life. It’s so, so frustrating because I know what it is. I know the feelings are real, but they stem from thoughts. I have a whole toolbox of techniques that I’ve used over the years…some helpful, some decidedly harmful, all of them ineffective to a large degree. It wasn’t until I started studying the Bible looking for answers that I have begun to find some semblance of relief.

I was reading a devotional about anxiety and fear this week and came across something I had never read before but it really struck home. It talked about a secondary effect of anxiety becoming “a fear of fear itself”. That sums it up so distinctly. I really HATE feeling afraid…to the point of fearing the fear. Suddenly, it just all seemed so ridiculous.

The Bible talks a lot about fear and anxiety. So much so that it is apparent these feelings are prevalent in all humans to some degree. For years…decades…I felt weird about my anxiety. Like there was something wrong with me. That I was somehow flawed and no one else had these feelings. Knowing I’m not alone…even Joshua and Mary and countless others were told by God to not be afraid. That is so comforting to me.

I am excited about the upcoming wedding in two weeks. I’m thrilled for my daughter and her happiness. And, it’s hard to tease out the difference between the butterflies of excitement and the quaking of anxiety. It affects me physically the same and my mind can easily take off on a wild tangent which isn’t anywhere I really want to go.

This most recent Bible study I read says whenever the first feelings of anxiety or fear begin to come into your mind, think of a praise instead. Turn on praise music. Sing a praise song. Thank Jesus for waking you up this morning. What I’ve been doing is telling God about all the beautiful things we’re going to do the day of the wedding. I’ve been telling Him about the pretty dresses the girls are wearing. And all the people we’re going to see that we love and don’t get to see often enough. I’ve invited Him to come along with me and to be there right alongside each of us.

There’s so much in life that can change plans at the last minute. There are illnesses in families or some other unforeseen circumstances that you can’t predict. It doesn’t help to be nervous or worried, but it’s hard not to be. As Jesus said, God takes care of the birds and the fields…surely He’ll take good care of us…even in our worst moments.

I hand things over…repeatedly. And, it does get easier and easier to remember to give it to God first before I let my mind jump on the worry train and go off the rails. There will always be something you can worry about. That’s how the enemy steals your joy. And, there are situations in life that you can’t help but let affect you. Things like watching a loved one decline. Losing someone or something special. An unexpected diagnosis or financial difficulty. God wants to walk those paths with you. Reach out your hand and take His. He’s so much bigger than anything that troubles you.

❤️

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
Philippians 4:6-7 NIV

Revisiting Memories

Sat, 13 Jul 2019 01:30:54 -0600

“Daughter #2…Marching to her own drum!”

When Daughter #2 was thirteen years old, she and I took off for a three week road trip. It was epic. She was not only in that early teenager mode. We were also working on repairing the damage done from years of depression and too many prescriptions and martinis…not to mention the overdose. It took a lot out of our relationship.

When I arrived in Denver this visit, the ultimate goal is the wedding. My baby is getting married. My little Moon Pie. Only, she’s a full grown woman…out on her own…thriving…dancing to her own drum, as always. We saw each other the day after I got here and spent several hours visiting and dining out. She made me promise we would do one special thing…just the two of us…before the wedding.

She wanted to go antiquing.

I couldn’t believe my ears. Antiquing? This poor kid was dragged, kicking and screaming, into every antique store in West Virginia, I think. And several between there and Colorado. I loved going to antique stores. She did not. So, this was new. I asked her what brought on this miraculous transformation.

“I don’t know. Just…suddenly, I find myself looking at antiques online. For fun.”

Ladies and gentleman…there IS life after adolescence!!!

So, yesterday was our antiquing adventure. We started out by having lunch with Daughter #1, Big, and Little. Oh…if you have children, you know what that did to my heart…sitting there with my Colorado kids! ❤️melt After lunch, Daughter #2 and I went to the Brass Armadillo off I-70 and Kipling.

We walked in and she stopped in her tracks. Her eyes widened, her mouth dropped open, and she gasped.

“This place is HUGE!”

Yes, my girl…it is!

We wandered around for three hours. She kept grabbing my arm and pulling me over to see this or that. Lots of oooohs and aaaahs and wows. Several times she wrapped her arms around me and hugged me tight and thanked me so much for doing this with her. That’s when I realized…this was SO much more than going to see a bunch of old stuff.

This was a celebration. Of healing. Of love. Of warm memories shared. Even of forgiveness. This was a bonding ritual…something only she and I could share as the wedding rapidly approaches and her life is forever changed. This was incredibly special. And we enjoyed every minute of it.

We didn’t get to see 1/4th of the store before we were both fried. We left arm in arm and headed out to the truck. I drove her back to her car. As she prepared to leave she reached over and kissed me on the cheek.

“Thank you, mamacita. That was so much fun!”

You’re welcome, Moon Pie.

❤️

“Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from him.”
Psalm 127:3 NIV

Working Vacation

Tue, 18 Jun 2019 01:30:34 -0600

“I can’t think of many places that are prettier to write than at the beach!”

If writing is my “job”, then I’m always working…every day…365. It doesn’t FEEL like work. They say if you find something you love to do, you’ll never work another day in your life. And I do love to write. I once tried to calculate how many words I’ve written since Mr. Virgo died. I stopped at a million. That was a long time ago.

Everything I see or do becomes “blog fodder”. An opportunity to tell a story, share an insight, or discover new places together. I love telling stories. Where I find my stretch is in writing “content”….a disconnected observation without personal viewpoints involved. It’s more like news reporting. I have been contracted to do some of this type of writing and it doesn’t come nearly as easy to me.

Back when I first attempted writing, I asked a press writer/photographer to read some of my work and give me an honest opinion. He told me it would never be publishable. I put too much of myself in my writing. In his defense, this was before blogs. But still, he was the wrong person to ask, or take and opinion from. If I hadn’t have listened to him, I might have been writing for the the last twenty years instead of the last six.

Part of this new project does use my writing style, and I am most grateful for that. I am blessed that I have a husband who knew from the get go that my writing is as much a part of me as my arms or legs. He isn’t the kind of guy that needs babysitting or entertained on an ongoing basis. He has his own interests that he pursues when I sit down at the keyboard. I am careful to keep things balanced, but when I am working on a deadline, I have to get in the zone.

Can you think of a prettier place to sit and write than on the beach? My only problem this day was the wind and my shorter haircut. The wind slowly sent my beach umbrella listing at a forty-five degree angle. And it had my hair in my face and eyes to the point of utter distraction. I packed up and moved up to the pool area. Much less wind and reflection on the screen of my iPad, but by then, my battery was low.

At that point, my only option if I wanted to get this thing knocked out was to go back indoors. It was a good thing Mr. FixIt was ready to go inside, as well. A pitcher of ice tea was made. Some peanut butter and crackers and a bowl of berries were consumed. And my sweetheart headed off to Walmart for a loaf of bread and a jug of milk so I could get back to work without distraction.

I write. It’s what I do. I’ve said it before…I can’t NOT write. I’ve tried. Those of you who have been with me all along can surely remember the times I’ve said, “Hey! I’m going camping and I’ll be off the grid for a few days…see ya when I get back!” Yeah, not so much. I will drive to the top of a mountain to find enough cell signal to post a story. It’s a sickness. An obsession. An addiction. But it’s one I have no intention of walking away from because the benefits I have gained from my writing has far outweighed any inconvenience it has caused.

Till tomorrow…be blessed!

❤️

“Beautiful words fill my mind, as I compose this song for the king. Like the pen of a good writer my tongue is ready with a poem.”
Psalm 45:1 GNT

Early Bird Special

Mon, 17 Jun 2019 01:30:53 -0600

“Father’s Day in Florida…a little slice of Heaven!”

It wasn’t that many years ago that I looked on as “old people” toddled into restaurants to eat dinner at 4:00 in the afternoon. The “Early Bird Special”. “Bonkers!” I thought. “What on earth are they doing eating at this time of day? Don’t they know how to have FUN anymore?”

HA!

Guess who can’t eat anything other than Raisin Bran after 5:00??? Yeah…what goes around, comes around, don’t it?

So Father’s Day started out great. A lovely breakfast served to my sweet man…father to a great family…love of my heart. Then, we headed to the Ponce deLeon Lighthouse. We’ve been there before. It was earlier in the day…I was in much better shape…and it wasn’t so darned hot the last time. The “feels like” temperature yesterday when we arrived at said lighthouse was 98 degrees.

When you came out of the drastically air conditioned gift shop into the Florida heat and humidity at 1:00 in the afternoon, it seriously felt like walking into a sauna. And, there were signs everywhere that said “No water bottles.” Among other important things to leave behind like pets and flip flops.

Seriously? You want a slightly pudgy West Virginian with heat intolerance to climb up 203 steps…without water…or air, for that matter. Ok, I’ve done it before…I’m sure I can do it again. As I climbed the stairs, I got to the first landing and remembered. THIS was the lighthouse I didn’t like before. It gets narrower and narrower the further up you go till it becomes really tight. AND…they don’t open the windows so there is zero air flow.

The last time I felt like this was in 1989 when I climbed up the interior staircase of the hidden inner pyramid of Chichen Itza. Very narrow, steep stairs, slippery with the dampness, only the occasional incandescent bulb hanging dimly to lead your way. Four of us entered…our good friends, Hubby #2, and me. Only two of us made it up. Me and our friend’s husband. The others backed out with feelings of claustrophobia.

This felt tight and close like that and by the time I got up to that first flight, I couldn’t breathe. It was the heat and being out of and still feeling the effects of illness. There’s nothing wrong with saying, “Nope…not doing this one!” I went down and out and sat in a rocker on the front porch of the lighthouse keeper’s house, waiting for Mr. FixIt to come out on the balcony above.

He snapped a few pictures and chatted with some folks from Roanoke then gave me a jaunty wave. When he came back down, he looked like a drowned rat. It was time to cool off and we headed for the air conditioned museums.

Once we were cooler, we headed to the truck and drove down to New Smyrna Beach. I’ve got to tell you, driving down that narrow little street with the Father’s Day crowds didn’t feel much different than climbing that ever narrowing lighthouse with no air. I couldn’t believe how many people were crowded into such a tiny area.

I’ve been there before so I didn’t really need to get out. But it was Father’s Day…we do for the ones we love. I won out when we finally found ONE parking spot in a lot. You pay by entering your driver’s license number and stick in your credit card. When the fee came up in the window, I nearly fell over. $20.00! You had to pay for a full day. Nope! Not doing that either.

We headed back toward our condo and we both decided we were hungry and wanted seafood. We came by Blackbeard’s Inn and remembered eating there the last time we were in Florida. We pulled in and had such a good meal. Blue crab cake and coconut shrimp with a baked potato. All perfectly delicious.

What time was it, you ask?

4:00

The Early Bird Special!

sigh

❤️

‬‬“Do not reject me now that I am old; do not abandon me now that I am feeble.” ‭‭Psalm‬ ‭71:9‬ ‭GNT

On the Mend

Sun, 16 Jun 2019 01:30:42 -0600

“Another beautiful day at the beach.”

Something no one wants to do when they’re on vacation is visit an urgent care. I’ve had a sinus infection for over two weeks and even with a week of antibiotics, I woke up yesterday and was miserable. I knew if I was going to enjoy this vacation at all, I was going to need the right medication so I gave in and went.

I have only visited one quick care before. When I was married to Hubby #2, the doctor, we referred to them as Doc in the Box. We always kind of looked at them as “sort of” doctors. I was so pleasantly surprised by the Atlantic Urgent Care & Walk In Clinic. On a Saturday morning in the height of beach season, I was out of there in less than hour. They were professional and efficient and caring. I got the right meds, started taking them right away, and within a couple of hours, I was feeling 100% better.

We went out for a late breakfast then went to the Arts & Science Museum. What an incredible display they had. They house the collection of the Root family…inventors of the Coca Cola bottle. It was really interesting. I think we had more fun in the Children’s Museum section than anything. We played with all the displays and didn’t feel self conscious at all because it was full of adults doing the same thing.

Afterwards, it was out for a really great meal at Giuseppe’s Pizza. Home for a nap and finished up the day sitting out on the beach till well after dark. There are free concerts and fireworks down at the pavilion about five miles away every Saturday night. We sat out and watched the fireworks and the stars. It was beautiful.

So glad to feel more myself and I’m looking forward to really enjoying our vacation now.

❤️

“Dear friend, I pray that you may enjoy good health and that all may go well with you, even as your soul is getting along well.”
3 John 1:2 NIV

One Hour & Thirty-Five Dollars = A Haircut

Thu, 06 Jun 2019 01:30:12 -0600

“Before and After…what a difference a haircut makes!”

I haven’t really felt like my perky self for a while. Nothing I could really put my finger on. Maybe a little tired. Maybe a little down about aging. I’ve been losing weight but avoiding the mirror. It didn’t really dawn on me till I saw pictures from the baptism a couple of weeks ago and I was up on the stage with my bonus granddaughter. Gasp! I looked SO old! I looked like my grandma. Not that that is a bad thing, but I’m talking in her 80’s. I was in desperate need of a haircut!

I always celebrate birthday month…not just a week or a weekend or a day. Nope…I was born in June…I celebrate JUNE! This month I turn 66. It’s only a number. I have more energy than I did at half my age. I remember when I turned 26. I was SO depressed! It had been a WHOLE DECADE since I got my driver’s license. Give me a break! Now it’s been half a century since I got my driver’s license. insert eye roll here

No, it wasn’t my actual calendar age that was getting to me. It was my hair. I got lazy. I got tired of going in every six weeks and getting it cut. I got tired of sometimes having the perfect cut and other times wondering what went wrong. I got tired of spending the money on something that you just have to do over and over and over.

It’s not my fault really. I saw beautiful older women on Pinterest…long flowing locks of silver hair caressing unnaturally perky breasts. Stylishly dressed. Leaning against brick buildings in downtown New York City….their jacket carelessly draped across their shoulders…their chunky boho jewelry and oversized sunglasses deflecting my gaze from anything that could barely be called crepe-y skin. No…Pinterest assured me I would look uber chic with long, silver hair.

Then, I took a look at myself and wondered what on earth possessed me to do such a thing. Me…in my JCPenney sleeveless summer dress made from t-shirt material. Me…of the ample upper arms and comfortable tummy. Me…of the “I know I have makeup SOMEWHERE in this house!” Me…of the Chacos and farmer tan and clip-on sunglasses and floppy brimmed had and a riding mower. Yeah…it was time for a reality check.

I called Michelle on Tuesday and cried uncle. I said, “You win! I’m coming in to cut it off!” I’m almost sure I heard an audible sigh of relief from the other end of the phone. “How’s tomorrow at 11:00?” She didn’t want to wait too long for fear I might change my mind.

An hour. Thirty-five dollars. That’s all it took to bring back my sparkle. It’s really true…if you LOOK good, you FEEL good. I walked out of there feeling like a million bucks! It’s such a simple thing…getting a haircut. Oh, and a pedi. A MUCH needed pedi. I hadn’t had a “Me Day” for such a long time. It was way overdue and I feel so much better.

I sent the before and after photos to Mr. FixIt with a note…”Here’s the girl you fell in love with!” And you wanna know what he said?

“You’re beautiful…but, I didn’t fall in love with your hair.”

My cheeks hurt from smiling.

❤️

“Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.” 1 Peter 4:8 NIV

Gracious Conversations

Wed, 29 May 2019 01:30:27 -0600

“Let your conversations be gracious and attractive.”

I have been trying to be more conscious of my conversations of late. I try to steer clear of gossip…listening or repeating. I try to discern the difference between sharing concern or inquiring of someone’s wellbeing and telling tales out of school. I have to be honest…I haven’t always done the best at that.

I’m a storyteller, but I don’t want to be known as a gossip. So when I have conversations with others, I seek to be gracious. I do have my closest confidants with whom I can be brutally honest, but still be gracious.

It is especially difficult to be gracious in today’s sociopolitical climate. People can be truly offensive without necessarily intending to be. And, the same goes for us. We can easily offend others without being aware of it.

Social media is an excellent place to practice gracious conversation, but it isn’t always easy. I am a co-administrator for our class page on Facebook. I asked that someone be made co-administrator simply because we are aging. So many of our friends were dying, I thought if we lost our administrator, we’d lose control of the page and it’s really wonderful to catch up with our friends there.

I received a message from one of my classmates yesterday informing me someone had placed one of those political articles of questionable origin on our class page. She was gracious and expressed her dismay that something so obviously intended to be divisive had been posted there and would I please remove it.

I went to the page and didn’t do anything more than read the headlines and immediately removed the post. Then, I created a post of my own and said I had removed a political post. I reminded our classmates that there are plenty of pages that support those kinds of posts and it didn’t matter to me whose side it was on…it was not appropriate for our class page.

I reminded them we are only “Big Reds” when we are on that page. It’s intended to keep our classmates informed of upcoming events. All too often these days it is where we inform the class that someone has died. It’s a wonderful place to reconnect with old friends we haven’t seen or heard from…sometimes since graduation.

We can stop the political diatribe from amping up by being gracious in our conversations. And, when that doesn’t work, we can disconnect and/or turn a deaf ear to the offender. Just because someone is baiting us, doesn’t mean we need to bite. I wish it were so simple always. I know it’s not. But it felt good to say, “Look, we’ll have none of that here.”

I was camping with a group of women a couple of years ago. Someone went on a rant about politics AND religion…in the SAME conversation. They were making disparaging comments about Jesus. Our hostess stopped her cold by saying, “I love the Lord, and I will not sit here and listen to any such talk. Let’s change the subject, please.” Simple, honest, gracious, and to the point. The subject changed and that was the end of it. I was very proud. And emboldened to have my own gracious conversations.

Practicing grace and kindness elevates our spirits. It lifts us above the ugliness that can creep in. Go out and practice gracious conversations this week. See what a difference it makes in your stress level.

❤️

“let the wise listen and add to their learning, and let the discerning get guidance—” Proverbs 1:5 NIV

Wascally Wabbits!

Thu, 23 May 2019 01:30:35 -0600

“Mr. FixIt…working in the garden.”

Mr. FixIt came to me the other morning with a dejected sigh.

“Something ate the beans.”

Again? Hmpffff! Don’t they know that little piece of ground is OURS??? They have five acres. I just want this little patch. Yeah…not likely. We used the rabbit deterrent faithfully…until, we didn’t. All it took was one little rain and one lapse of memory and…poof! No more beans. I think it is the rabbits. But it could be that little chipmunk. Or deer. Or…whatever. The point is…unless you put some sort of protective fencing or netting or both around your garden, you cannot expect to provide a salad bar without getting dinner guests.

That’s ok. We still have the tomatoes. Plenty of tomatoes!!! We had twelve tomato plants and one mysteriously disappeared. No footprints. No trace…just gone. So, we are left with eleven tomato plants and a couple dozen onions. We’re good.

I went to the farm yesterday to get the shades from the big camper. For those of you who have been around for the long haul, you will remember the first thing I did when I bought that camper was take those hideous window coverings off. If I’m going to sell the camper, I need to put them back. While I was there, I did the last load of laundry and gathered some camping items I will need in a couple of weeks when we go to Blackwater Falls with the Girl Campers. That’s one thing I like about Girl Campers…you can bring your hubby if you like. We just ask that they do something on their own while we’re there so we can have our girl time. Mr. FixIt is taking his golf clubs.

I’m taking the ice cream freezer. There is something so special about homemade ice cream when you’re camping. I also brought the screen house. The mosquitoes will be making an appearance before long and some people are more susceptible to bites than others. I want to make sure everyone is comfortable and has a place to sit out of the rain if need be.

When I got home, Mr. FixIt had a table saw on the back of the truck that needed to be unloaded. It was way too heavy to pick up but we used our brains over our brawn and tipped it onto a dolly and down the ramps into the garage. Perfect! Just as we were done, the former Mrs. FixIt came over to pick up a tent to go camping. I really like her and we sat for four hours visiting. Then my bonus granddaughter and the baby came over with ice cream. It was such a beautiful day!

I love that we can demonstrate for the younger generations that the family relationship doesn’t have to end with divorce. We just open our hearts more and let in love and healing.

❤️

“How good and pleasant it is when God’s people live together in unity!” Psalm 133:1 NIV

Another Quilt Top

Sun, 19 May 2019 01:30:27 -0600

“Cute camper material for a raffle quilt”

My dear friend Gail and I will be co-hosting a Girl Camper Gathering at Blackwater Falls next month. Gail is so talented and we have so much in common…it’s always fun to camp with her. We have some great ideas for fun things to do while we are camping. This is our Kick Off to Summer Camping Event so I wanted to do something special so I’m making a lap quilt to raffle off. There will be more details as we get things finalized. If any of you are interested in camping with me, this would be an excellent opportunity! Blackwater Falls has cabins and a Lodge so there are alternatives to traditional camping if that’s not your thing. It is a beautiful park with lots to see and do.

I went to Schoolhouse Quilts again yesterday and sewed for a few hours. I almost have the top for the little camper quilt finished. I’ll have to go in next week to finish it up. I just LOVE this material and the colors are SO Girl Camperish. Carolyn who owns the shop had some really cute ideas for the border so I can’t wait to share it with you when it’s done.

Mr. FixIt and I went to the cemetery yesterday to decorate the graves of my family. We will do his family’s after church today. I wanted to avoid the rush of next weekend, especially at the little country cemetery where my family members are. There’s one little lane that goes in…the same lane comes out. And it’s on a hillside so there’s no wiggle room to pass each other.

After the cemetery, we went to North Bend State Park and checked out the campgrounds. The main campground was jam packed with kids, which I think is wonderful. They were riding bikes and playing games and enjoying themselves immensely. I am so glad their parents are getting them out and teaching them the love of camping. That being said, I am past the age of wanting to camp in a crowded campground full of screaming children. Fortunately, there is a new campground for the older, more sedate crowd. It was far more to my liking.

We ran to the farm and had dinner out so it was date night for us. It was a welcome respite to mowing, mowing, mowing!

We didn’t get to go camping this weekend so we camped last night at home in my new-to-me camper. This was our first attempt sleeping in this camper together so we will see how the climb-over-you bed arrangement works.

❤️

“However many years anyone may live, let them enjoy them all. But let them remember the days of darkness, for there will be many. Everything to come is meaningless.” Ecclesiastes 11:8 NIV

Wednesday Evening Walkabout

Thu, 16 May 2019 01:30:23 -0600

“Clockwise from Top Left: Abundant Blueberries, Honey Locust, Wild Grape Vine, Beautiful Peonies”

I finished mowing at the Ponderosa while Mr. FixIt was in town working on a porch he’s building. There were several areas around the edges of the fields where brush, vines and trees had encroached into my mowing space. They are the worst when they hang over and I have to try to mow under them. I bend way far forward over the riding mower, but sometimes a briar will jump out and grab me. So, last night after supper, I did my walkabout and took the loppers with me. I pruned back a lot of branches and threw them into the woods for the critters to munch on and hide in.

I finished the back property line before I gave up for the evening. I love how the fields look when they’re freshly mowed. They smell so good and they are all smooth and even. I snapped a few pictures as I moseyed around looking at the many varieties of trees in the woods beyond the far fields. I love this time of year. The dense foliage makes the shadowy underbrush dark and a cool breeze comes out smelling of musty earth and moldy leaves. It’s a rich aroma of sweet decay combined with cut grass, honey locust, and creek water. It’s heavenly, earthy, decadent. It makes me happy.

Once my tools were put away, I climbed in the little camper, snuggled back into my favorite corner and looked out at the sun setting over the far hill. The reflections of the puffy white clouds and bluebird sky on the windshield of my truck added movement and color to the scene. These are my tranquil moments. It’s MY time. Mr. FixIt is in his recliner inside, watching the news. We both worked hard today. It makes the evenings such a gift.

We are blessed beyond belief. We have a roof over our heads, food in our bellies, and love in our hearts. We have a wonderful family. We have our health. We have each other. As I was walking around the field last night, a bluebird dashed in front of me and I smiled.

“Well…hello there, Mr. Virgo. I’m doing just fine!”

❤️

“Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”
1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 NIV

Uncle!

Wed, 01 May 2019 01:30:16 -0600

“When you’re tired and overwhelmed, it’s ok to say Uncle!”

Every day since we got home from the beach has been packed full. Long hours of mowing thick, wet grass. Unpacking. Cleaning. Finally, we had to split the chores yesterday and Mr. FixIt went to the farm to mow while I worked on de-winterizing the camper. First, I filled the freshwater tank and added a little bleach to sanitize it. Then I went in and turned on the pump. It’s supposed to run a little bit, build up pressure, then shut itself off. It didn’t. As I stood in front of the kitchen sink, listening as a pitiful stream of water came from the faucet, I could hear water splashing outside.

I went out and around the camper and there was water coming out of the water heater compartment. I opened it up and saw the plug was an old type and it was rusted through. Not a good sign. I was told the camper had been fully inspected two years ago and everything worked fine. And, while I should have taken the camper to someone to have it inspected again, I trusted mine and Mr. FixIt’s camper knowledge. Besides, it was very difficult to really get in and have a look at the inner workings in the driveway where it was parked. I don’t think the previous owner was trying to scam me. I just don’t think she used the service systems because she only took it out three or four times to sleep over at horse shows.

I knew there was nothing I could do without getting a new plug. I towed the camper to an RV service center and the guy was kind enough to stop what he was doing and put a plug in. Then he proceeded to have a look around the camper and started telling me all the things that were wrong with it and made me feel generally inept and stupid. One thing he pointed out, which I hadn’t noticed was…the tires were seven years old. Even if the tread looks good and there’s no evidence of dry rot, you really shouldn’t run a trailer on tires over five years old.

My next stop was a local tire shop owned by a woman. I’ve talked with her before and I’m so impressed that she built this business from scratch. I got four trailer tires for $65 each, mounted and balanced. Then I drove to a rest area with a dump station to empty and clean the waste tanks. A camper has two waste tanks on it…”grey water” from the sinks and shower and “black water” from the toilet. That wasn’t much of a chore as they had been emptied previously. They just needed a good flushing.

Once I was finished with the tanks, I tried turning the pump on and it still wouldn’t build up pressure and shut off. That means the system isn’t sealed and there’s a leak somewhere. I didn’t see water anywhere and there was nothing dripping. By this point, I was tired, hungry, and pretty darned frustrated. I kept telling myself I’d bought a piece of junk camper and I was pretty low by the time I got home.

Mr. FixIt called. I poured out all my fears and frustrations and he asked me to tell him one thing at a time. He said they were all fairly small things and relatively easy to fix. At the most, I may need a new hot water heater, a water pump, and new propane regulator. He said I didn’t buy a piece of junk, but it is twelve years old. There are bound to be some things that will need fixing.

I got home and walked in the door. There is still a toilet, a sink, and half a shower stall in my living room. I suddenly felt defeated and sat down to think it through. When I made arrangements to attend my niece’s graduation in Indiana, I didn’t realized how tight I had planned these three trips. Four days between the first and second trip and only one day between the second and third. It took us three full days just to mow both properties. How was I possibly going to pull this off?

I prayed about it for a while and talked with Mr. FixIt again and two of my trusted friends and they all said…set some priorities…get some rest…it’s ok to say no. I hated the idea of cancelling the Indiana trip. I hate missing my niece’s graduation and getting to see her family. And, I hate disappointing anyone. But, you know what? I’m not thirty-five anymore. I’m not fifty-five anymore. I’m nearly sixty-six and while, in many ways that is still young, I have to admit to myself I can’t do it all. I get tired easier. I get overwhelmed easier. I’ve noticed this since losing Mr. Virgo.

So, I wrote a long note and sent it to my niece and her mom. I explained why we couldn’t come and while they will miss us, they understand. I immediately felt a weight lift off my shoulders and I cried with relief. It’s ok to cry “Uncle!” I turned on the air conditioning, crawled under a blanket, and rested…for the first time in weeks, it seems.

❤️

““Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”” Matthew 11:28-30 NIV

I Choose Joy!

Tue, 30 Apr 2019 01:30:27 -0600

“I’m choosing joy by choosing to remember the special moments we spent at the seashore last week.”

Even though Pastor Justin’s message Sunday morning was about choosing joy, I just had one of my “bad nights”. Yesterday’s post indicated I felt the weight of the world on my shoulders, and I did. Re-entry from vacation was part of it. Being overly tired was another. And, after being gone a week, there was a lot of catching up to do and we just heard one bad thing after another all day. It just hit me hard. Combine that with eating a greasy burger too late in the evening and I was up half the night.

I tried all my go-to remedies and nothing seemed to help. I was up pacing the floor. I tried snuggling with Mr. FixIt and that helped, but I was too hot. Finally, I took a Benadryl because I had been out mowing all afternoon and my head was throbbing. I settled into the guest room, opened the window to let the cool night air in, and read my Bible till I got drowsy. When I finally slept, it was sound and deep and restful…just what I asked God for in my nightly prayers. He is a good Father…His lullaby is perfect.

I hit the ground running yesterday and went for the MRI of my foot. I’ve had several MRI’s in my lifetime. I couldn’t believe it took a whole hour! It was an open MRI and, of course, the only thing in it was my foot. But the noises were the same. The technician turned up the music really loud and I listened to the country station for an hour. The only hard part was boredom thinking of all the things I could have been doing. Laying still on my back for an hour on a hard table wasn’t too much fun. I just used the time to have a conversation with God.

I needed to have fasting blood drawn from an appointment a couple of weeks ago and I kept forgetting to go in so I did that. Then I stopped at the mall and bought yet another dress for the wedding. I can’t seem to make up my mind but this one I really liked and it was 50% off. I can wear it to my niece’s college graduation this weekend and see how I like it. I even found some cute little sandals that were also half price. I’m not buying any more dresses!

My last stop was Walmart for new sheets for the camper. I’m not one for keeping a lot of old sheets around. I buy two pair and rotate them till they’re worn out. I’ll bet I could count on two hands how many sets of sheets I’ve had in my life. Funny thing…they are exactly the same pattern as the sheets I bought for the big camper five years ago. I would have used those, but they were full size and the new camper ya s a queen bed. I also picked up a couple of throw rugs and a new shower curtain. Everything else will get moved from the old camper to the new one.

Before we leave, I need to treat the fresh water tank with a mild bleach solution and run it through the pipes. Then I need to put some Dawn dish soap, Calgon Water Softener, more water, and a bag of ice in the black tank and take the camper for a drive to let it all slosh around in the tank and dislodge anything gunking up the works. I will drive up to a rest area up north and empty the tanks and get them all ready for Thursday. Once I get back home, I’ll make the beds and wipe down the surfaces. I’ll wipe out the fridge and the cabinets and wash the floors. Once the bathroom is cleaned, I can put down the new rugs. I’ll pack it up and we’ll be ready to go!

So…today I choose joy. Even in the busy rush of life and travel preparation. Just breathe. Just breathe.

❤️

“When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought me joy.” Psalm 94:19 NIV

A Good Tired

Wed, 17 Apr 2019 01:30:15 -0600

“Spring flowers make my heart sing!”

Now that the taxes are done, submitted, and accepted, our attention can turn to other things….mainly, mowing. With the rains we received over the weekend, the grass growth was remarkable and it couldn’t be put off another day. We had a neighbor brush hog the far field last fall when we were preparing for the wedding. That field is really rough and needs to be mowed really regularly or we’ll have to resort to the brush hog again. I got about half the field mowed at the Ponderosa then we had to head for the farm. Mr. FixIt mowed while I hauled dropped limbs and did laundry. It was 7:30 by the time we were done and ready to head back home.

This is the kind of tired that feels good. When you do a good solid day’s work and you have something to show for it. When your muscles are sore and you’re hungry and you know you’re going to sleep soundly…that’s a good day’s work. We still have much to do to prepare for our trip but once we are there…it’s beach time, baby. I can’t wait to see Ben & Sue…my son-in-law’s parents. They are joining us for the week and it’s going to be SO much fun. They are the dearest people and we can’t wait to show them all around the Outer Banks!

I do have a favor of you. I have an appointment with the orthopedist today for this pain I have in my foot. I think it’s a Morton’s Neuroma and if so, I will likely need a shot in the ball of my foot, which…as you can well imagine…I am not looking forward to. I am preparing myself with lots of prayers and meditation. Please add me to your prayer list that everything goes smoothly, the pain is little to nonexistent, and that whatever they do, it takes care of the pain and I can get back to exercising regularly! Thank you in advance!!!

I’ll let you know how it went!

❤️

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,” declares the Lord, “and will bring you back from captivity. I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you,” declares the Lord, “and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile.””
Jeremiah 29:11-14 NIV

Darkness into Light

Sun, 14 Apr 2019 01:30:27 -0600

“Looking back, I am humbled by my deliverance.”

The stress of doing taxes this week made me sit back and reflect how differently I cope now as opposed to twenty years ago. Back then, I felt like that guy on Ted Mack’s Amateur Hour. You know the one…he twirled plates on top of sticks. First one, then two, then five…and eventually, he had about twelve of them spinning. He ran from one stick to another, desperately trying to keep all the plates spinning without crashing to the ground.

I did a great job spinning plates till…I didn’t. I burned out. I hit the wall. There were lots of reasons why, but the bottom line was…I didn’t have good coping skills. I had an alcoholic father. I seriously should have known not to push the drinking thing. But, more and more, I relied on alcohol to prop me up.

I had situational anxiety. Going to a party? I’d have a drink in the bathroom while I put on my makeup and called on “Ginny the Party Girl” to step forward…emboldened by a beer. Going to the game with the hospital administrator and his wife? Drink LOTS of beers. Hosting a dinner party for the medical staff? Wine…more wine! It got worse and worse.

When my marriage started to fall apart, I was terrified. I had no idea how to cope because I worshiped at the altar of my husband. I only had a cursory relationship with God and I didn’t know Jesus at all. I was relying entirely on someone fairly unreliable….myself. When thing became difficult between me and my husband, I started drinking about an hour before he was due home so I could get through the evening. Many times I just got too wasted to cook so I went to bed, leaving my family to fend for themselves.

At the very end of our marriage, I found myself standing in a closet in the dark, drinking really expensive tequila straight from the bottle. I knew…KNEW in that moment that I was in dire straits. Unfortunately, when you are in that place, it’s really, really hard to pull yourself out of it without some help. I was just functional enough to fool people into thinking I still had it together…but I did not.

Our last Thanksgiving, my best friend’s husband caught me sneaking into their kitchen during dinner and drinking shots of tequila. I fell asleep on their couch while all the guests were at the table having dessert. I was desperately ill, but I was also an embarrassment. My husband didn’t know what to do with me. When I overdosed a couple of months later, I made the decision for him and I went away to get the help I needed.

Now, as a Christian, I know that God uses all things for my good and for HIS glory. Last week in church, I said my usual prayer…”Lord, if you have a message just for me, please deliver it through Pastor Justin.” And, in his message, God sent this…

“God will use your experiences for your good. He will use them for His glory. Your experiences are your story and your story has power. It has the power to change people. Don’t be afraid to put yourself out there and share your testimony.”

I smiled.

God himself told me in that moment that, no matter how bad I got…no matter how messy my life was…no matter how dysfunctional I had been…He had saved me. HE came for ME! He left the 99 and came for the ONE. And when He found me, He carried me on His shoulders back to the flocks and announced to all…”Look, I’ve found my lost sheep! Come! Help me celebrate!”

I know God has great things in store for me. I anticipate the unexpected, just like Christine Caine preaches in her book, Unexpected: Leave Fear Behind, Move Forward in Faith, Embrace the Adventure. Yes, sometimes the unexpected is bad. But, sometimes it is amazing. I could never in a million years have imagined back when I was in the throes of torment…where I’d be today. I am so incredibly grateful that Jesus never gave up on me. He pursued me relentlessly because He had a plan. He knew what I was capable of. I am so humbled by His Love. Through Him, I can turn a dark and painful time into a testimony of the Goodness of God

On this…Palm Sunday…remember the triumphal return of Jesus to Jerusalem is also the beginning of Holy Week. It is the true beginning of the end of His earthly walk. May you all be blessed and humbled in the coming week.

❤️

““What do you think? If a man owns a hundred sheep, and one of them wanders away, will he not leave the ninety-nine on the hills and go to look for the one that wandered off? And if he finds it, truly I tell you, he is happier about that one sheep than about the ninety-nine that did not wander off. In the same way your Father in heaven is not willing that any of these little ones should perish.”
Matthew 18:12-14 NIV

Getting Healthy

Sat, 30 Mar 2019 01:30:01 -0600

“It’s time to get healthy with AdvoCare’s 24 Day Challenge!”

I went to the doctor last week for bronchitis and had to do that thing I’ve dreaded the most…I had to step on a scale! I haven’t weighed myself in ages…mostly because I just find it so demoralizing. I am past the caring what others think of me thing. However, I do still care what I think of myself. I don’t feel healthy when I weigh this much. My feet hurt. My bladder leaks. My acid reflux is abysmal. The whole thing makes me pretty darned cranky.

Unfortunately, I’ve had to take steroids twice in the last six months and that wreaks havoc on my weight. However, I can’t just blame this weight gain on medications. Writing this book kept me sequestered in my camper for the last two months. And when I write, I nibble and nosh without thinking much about it. Winter brings the blahs and comfort food gets me in trouble in a hurry.

It’s time to do something about it. I did check into a weight loss program that a friend of mine is one. She has had a dramatic weight loss and looks wonderful, but her program is $400 a month and that is unreasonable for someone on a fixed income. I have decided to do what worked for me last time and just ordered the Advocare 24 Day Challenge. It’s time. It’s not too terribly expensive and if you work it, it really gives me that jump start I need to get me going. If any of you are interested in doing it with me, you can send me a private message and I can send you the link to purchase what you need. If you followed along with me three years ago, you saw what a difference it made.

It’s a new season. I need to stay active and physically fit so I can maintain my fun girl camper lifestyle! I’m going to be 66 this summer…it’s time to really take serious control of my health!

❤️

“Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last, but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. Therefore I do not run like someone running aimlessly; I do not fight like a boxer beating the air. No, I strike a blow to my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize.”
1 Corinthians 9:24-27 NIV

Widowed or Single?

Tue, 26 Mar 2019 01:30:29 -0600

“Has the mental image of ‘widow’ changed all that much?

One of my friends shared a post with me yesterday. Ironically, it turns out I know the woman who wrote it. And, I know her well enough to understand what she meant by what she said about being called a widow. The writer, Jan, said she didn’t like the term “widow” because it conjures up this preconceived notion of “old” and “feeble”. As she says, we live in an era where ageism runs rampant. Our gray hair and social mores puts the widow in an unenviable position on more levels than grief alone.

Jan says she hates going into doctor’s offices and filling out the forms, having to select widowed or single. She has taken to saying she is “single-by-death” because, she DOES feel single. I’m all for changing the vernacular and the image of widows. Of course, the early throes of acute grief is a time where most of us feel old beyond our years, lost, destined to a life of lonely sadness. After that period of crisis, we do begin…in our own time…to heal and move forward. I don’t know any widow who wants to be looked down on and pitied. In this day and age, widows aren’t a bunch of doddering old ladies wearing black and sitting in the corner crying all the time.

I hated the term widow, too. I thoroughly resented it at first because I was very, very busy trying to pretend he didn’t die. Calling me a widow just turned a spotlight on my spectacular ruse and left me with nothing but shadow puppets of my former life. I sometimes rebelliously referred to myself as “single-by-chance” simply because I hated the word death as much as I hated the word widow. “Single-by-chance” could cover a lot of situations…death, divorce, break-ups. I liked it. But eventually, I just went with widow and tried to show what one looks like by pulling a huge camper across the country alone and dancing on the bar at Coyote Ugly and going into the wilderness and backroads of Colorado for three months…alone.

In researching photos for this post, I Googled “widow”. There was a plethora of images of spiders and Scarlet Johansson in a black latex catsuit with the occasional Civil War era tintype of a haunted woman in black thrown in for good measure. This got me to thinking…if Google is any indication, maybe the world isn’t as obsessed with the word “widow” as widows themselves are. Widowhood and grief are lonely pursuits. We are singular. We are rather myopic. We have lost half of our whole. At least, we have for a while. Eventually, half reduces itself…bit by tiny little bit.

I was widowed…singled-by-chance…surely not by choice. Now that Mr. FixIt and I have married, when I relate my story in my work as a speaker and a writer, I say I was widowed. I suppose in the absolute vernacular, I am a widow. But that is a far smaller piece of who I am today than it used to be. I think that’s the way it should be…for me.

That’s the beauty of language and social norms. We can change things. We can change the words and the images of who we are in the world today. Who we are and how we want to be seen. What works for one may not work for another. Be who…or what…you are. Empirical evidence says…I am a Child of God…first and foremost. The rest is superfluous.

❤️

““Cursed is anyone who withholds justice from the foreigner, the fatherless or the widow.” Then all the people shall say, “Amen!””
Deuteronomy 27:19 NIV

The Bodega

Sat, 23 Mar 2019 01:30:29 -0600

“Coffee at The Bodega”

I decided to treat myself yesterday and stopped in the brand new coffee house that just opened. The Bodega. In Spanish, bodega actually means grocery store. But a broader meaning is a meeting place where you get supplies. I knew when I walked into this sweet storefront…this wasn’t your average run-of-the-mill coffee house. There was something special going on here.

The atmosphere is soft, inviting, with a great big overstuffed sofa with a soft blanket and pillows. Next to it was a huge, supple leather chair. Small tables, fresh flowers, and a sort of fresh vintage farmhouse vibe made the place very comfortable. I ordered one of the homemade cinnamon rolls and a latte. Both were delicious. The staff were warm and inviting and are willing to accommodate the Coffee Divas when we gather for our monthly caffeine infusions.

As I sipped my latte, I caught the music overhead…worship music. I have been immersing myself in praise music lately. I find my spirit uplifted and my writing goes much more smoothly when I get into the Word and Praise more. Then, when I am actually writing, I listen to the Nature Sounds station on Pandora. If I listen to praise music while I write, all I want to do is sing!

The owner of the coffee shop was a missionary in Honduras for some time. While there, they had a gathering place where they received their marching orders for the day. They called it The Bodega because a lot of good things came into and went out of their doors. When she came back to the states, she took some time to heal and ponder how she could create such a place here. There are so many within the surrounding area who need loved on and lifted up.

After countless “what ifs” she decided to just go for it and jumped in with both feet and thus, The Bodega was born. The owner is looking forward to seeing what kind of great things God has in mind for this little oasis. And so am I.

❤️

“He said to them, “Go into all the world and preach the gospel to all creation.” Mark 16:15 NIV

Tea & Tissues

Thu, 21 Mar 2019 01:30:53 -0600

“Tea is my friend!”

Sunday after church, my little great granddaughter couldn’t wait to come to me after her mama got her out of the kids area. Oh….she is the sweetest little thing. She reached out and I took her in my arms and she promptly stuck her full hand in my mouth. Ugh…you have know idea where that little hand has been but she’s a baby. What can you do? You extricate her hand and give her squidgy kisses all over her little face, that’s what you do!

Annnnnnnd, Tuesday night the scratchy throat started. I’m taking zinc and Vitamin C and using oils and elderberry syrup. I’d twirl a dead chicken over my head singing Yankee Doodle if I thought it might keep me from getting sick. I don’t really feed bad…just a scratchy throat and a little cough.

I spent most of the day working on the third edit of the book. This one entails reading from the beginning and taking notes as I tweak it here and there. This one is a little slower because of the notes and evaluating the story for consistencies. But I’m still liking it. I guess that is a good sign.

One month and we’ll be at the beach. One week and I’ll be heading for a weekend with the girl campers. I need to get over this pronto! So, I’ll keep this short and sweet….

IT’S SPRING!!!!!

❤️

“Look, the winter is past, and the rains are over and gone. The flowers are springing up, the season of singing birds has come, and the cooing of turtledoves fills the air.”
Song of Songs 2:11-12 NLT

A Visit From Aunt Flo

Tue, 19 Mar 2019 01:30:00 -0600

“Ahhhh, the vagaries of youth…some I miss, most I don’t!”

So, here’s a topic we’ve never delved into…that dreaded part of being a woman during her reproductive years. Yes…that monthly visit from Aunt Flo. I can tell you this, when I had a total hysterectomy in 1994, I was tickled as all get out to get rid of that monster. Unfortunately, it was immediately replaced with a rampant case of “InstaPause”…full on menopause symptoms felt all at once when I came out of anesthesia. None of that slip-sliding into the quasi psychotic stages of hot flashes, weight gain, depression, anxiety, and hair growing out of places where hair should NEVER grow on a woman. Noooooo….I dove head first into that lovely mess. The only good part about the whole thing was saying goodbye to Aunt Flo for good!

One of my readers passed this on to me yesterday and I had to share it with you. OMGosh! I laughed till I cried, so of course, I have to share it with you. I SO know you can relate!

“This is an “actual letter” from an Austin, Texas woman sent to Proctor and Gamble regarding one of their feminine products. She really gets rolling after the first paragraph. This was PC Magazine’s 2009 Editors’ Choice award-winner for the best letter sent via e-mail.

Dear Mr. Thatcher,

I have been a loyal user of your ‘Always’ maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the Leak Guard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I’d probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I’d certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts.

But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic I can’t tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there’s a little F-16 in my pants.

Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? I’m guessing you haven’t. Well, my time of the month is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I’ll be transformed into what my husband likes to call ‘an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.’

Isn’t the human body amazing?

As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you’ve no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customer’s monthly visits from ‘Aunt Flo’. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it’s a tough time for most women.

The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants. Which brings me to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words:

‘Have a Happy Period.’

Are you f—— kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness, is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable?

Well, did it, James?

FYI, unless you’re some kind of sick S&M freak, there will never be anything ‘happy’ about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don’t march down to the local Walgreen’s armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory. For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn’t it make more sense to say something that’s actually pertinent, like ‘Put down the Hammer’ or ‘Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong’.

Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bullsh!t. And that’s a promise I will keep.

Always. . …

Wendi Aarons - Austin , TX”

If you are still getting visits from your Aunt Flo, my sympathies to you. Lord, I surely don’t miss those days! ❤️

“A wise woman builds her home, but a foolish woman tears it down with her own hands.” Proverbs 14:1 NLT

Tap Tap Tap

Mon, 11 Mar 2019 01:30:31 -0600

“Typing away…tap, tap, tap!”

I am back to work on the book. I’m editing the first rough draft and it’s going really well, actually. My prayer going into this was to have a cheerful heart and find joy in the process. It’s amazing what a change in attitude can do in making a normally arduous task into something of a pleasure. Fresh eyes and a little distance gives you a new perspective and it’s easier to identify where the story needs polishing.

I took yesterday off. Grandma always instructed us to keep the Sabbath. She told me if I ever sewed anything on Sunday, I’d spend all of eternity picking it out with my teeth. I can approach editing with more joy than before, but that doesn’t mean I want to spend all eternity doing it! We went to church with the family and then brunch.

I bought the piece to fix the toilet at the farm. I need to fill the propane tanks for TOW-Wanda. Then I can hole up in the camper and write. Oh…and I finally took down the Christmas tree. I figured it was time with the spring forward thing!

We had such a lovely warm day yesterday. We got out of the truck after church and the peepers were singing! That is definitely the harbinger of spring. We made it through another winter!

Oh, I wanted to tell you about something that happened last week. Actually, it started about a month ago. I had a small mole on my temple that suddenly started to grow. I didn’t think much of it, but when it became tender and was really getting quite noticeable, I figured it was about time to call the dermatologist to go in and have it taken off.

Then I heard a sermon on healings. The premise was to not only pray for the healing….but to believe in the healing and thank God for it as if it had already occurred. Last week, I placed my finger on the growth and thanked God for taking it away for me. I just believed it was gone. I really wish I would have taken a picture of the growth for proof because…in two days’ time, it quite literally dried up and fell off! I run my fingers over the smooth skin where this growth was and I am just so amazed. Power of suggestion? Placebo effect? Nah…I’m going with divine intervention! Isn’t that amazing? ❤️

“Heal me, Lord, and I will be healed; save me and I will be saved, for you are the one I praise.” Jeremiah 17:14 NIV

As Winter Fades

Sun, 03 Mar 2019 02:30:21 -0600

“Winter is having a blast this weekend….but spring is around the corner!”

I should write a book every February. Sitting in TOW-Wanda for the entire month made the time fly by. I try to like winter. I try to have a happier outlook. And, it’s not even like we had a bad winter. It’s just not green. I like green. It’s not warm. I like warm.

I think maybe this winter was easier too because I took a cue from Mother Nature. God puts all the trees and flowers and grasses to sleep in the winter. He gives them a break. It’s a time to rest and regroup. I like that. I tried not to make it too slug-like and just sit for weeks on end doing nothing. I tried to keep busy with things. I didn’t keep my body as busy as I should have. But I sure kept my mind occupied. And that helped the time go by.

I have a love/hate relationship with March. I love that spring is just around the corner. I love seeing the buds and shoots on the trees. I love the bird songs I hear through the cracked window every morning. Each week brings new calls and I try to remember which bird is migrating through. I love when the grass starts to turn green and the peepers start their shrill chorus beyond the creek. We’ll have new fawns before long…little spotty babies hiding in the tall grasses while their mamas feed nearby.

I hate March because it’s the month Mr. Virgo died. I remember every day leading up to March 12th…as if it were yesterday. Just like we remember where we were when Kennedy was shot or Princess Diana died or the Twin Towers fell. We remember. Widows remember. Mothers remember. It’s imprinted in our brains forever. We remember what it looked like that day…the weather, the temperature, where we were, what we were doing, what we wore. We remember the moments leading up to the end. And we remember the end. That’s when things start getting fuzzy. That’s when the slide show starts. A picture here. An image there. A feeling.

All it takes is a sound. A smell. The way the sun glints through the window. And you’re there. It’s not bad like it once was. Early on it was brutal. It was too real…too soon…too fresh. Time has smoothed grief like a rushing river smooths the stones in a river bed. Many years ago, I walked Glenwood Canyon for exercise. During the peak of the spring runoff, you could stand on the bike path at the dam above Shoshone Power Station and hear…feel huge boulders being pushed along by the force of the water. You can’t see them, but you know they’re there. You sense the disturbance under the water. That’s how grief is now. I sense the disturbance below the surface, but if you look at me, you probably won’t notice anything different.

There is a scale…like the ones Lady Justice holds in her hand. The March of Spring vs. The March of Grief. The grief side used to be the heaviest and kept me way off balance. Now it’s even. It’s softer…out of focus…but I will always feel that undercurrent of the boulders hitting my soul. ❤️

“He heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds.”
Psalms 147:3 NLT

Sneaky Snake

Sat, 02 Mar 2019 07:27:55 -0600

“There are sneaky snakes in our midst!”

I have a helpful little app on my iPhone called Moment. It was designed by a guy who realized he was getting sucked into addiction to his smart phone and he didn’t like it. So, without any venture capital, he created this app and it’s doing very well. So well, in fact, he was contacted by the former president of Pinterest who offered him $7M for the app, with the stipulation they work together to try and save an entire generation from being Screen Zombies.

In my Bible study on Thursday night, we finished up Louie Giglio’s Book…Goliath Must Fall. The fifth giant we studied was that of addiction. When we think of addiction, our minds go to the obvious ones…drugs, alcohol, porn. Down the line we might think…shopping, relationships, food. While Louie did touch on those, he took it in a direction I wasn’t really expecting. He went for my iPhone. gasp

My phone and I are in a close, personal relationship. I’ve had a smartphone ever since that day I stood in line for six hours to buy the very first iPhone, only to have the lady in front of me get the last one they had in stock! I actually had to

W-A-I-T

One whole week before my journey to the dark side could begin. Oh…how amazing it all was. I remember when I bought our first personal computer. I justified it to Hubby #2 by saying our daughter needed it for school. But, it was clearly MY baby. The tech guy told me there would come a day when a computer 1,000 times more powerful that this one would be small enough to fit in a woman’s handbag. And now…here it was. A slick little handheld device with the world at my fingertips.

I’m here to admit…I’m addi….I’m addic….I use my phone…A LOT! I like to attribute a lot of that to my writing. And I’m sure that’s true. As I write my posts on my blog, I pick up my phone repeatedly to look things up, check the dictionary or Thesaurus, find and edit a photo. I browse the news two to three times a day. I check the obits. (Yes, I’m THAT age.) I send and receive texts multiple times a day. I seldom use it for…you know…making phone calls. I don’t browse Pinterest like I used to. I do post Tweets and Instagram photos for my blog’s social media accounts. Other than my blog, I spend far less time on Facebook than I used to.

There are two places I do spend a good amount of time. One is a word puzzle app called Word Crossy. I downloaded it after the neurologist recommended I do word games to help with my memory after the subdural hematoma I received in the car accident two years ago. I am happy to say, it has really helped. The other place I spend a good deal of time in is the YouVersion Bible app. I am currently doing The One Year Bible plan. I also read shorter Bible study plans alongside…sometimes with members of our small group. I read the Bible first thing in the morning and last thing at night. I also study as I search for scriptures to put in my posts.

An addiction is defined as the state of being enslaved to a habit or practice or to something that is psychologically or physically habit-forming, as narcotics, to such an extent that its cessation causes severe trauma.

Uh-oh.

Try to take my phone…I dare ya!

To make myself feel better…or at least to enlighten me as to what LEVEL my electronic addiction has reached, I downloaded the Moment app. I am not at all surprised at the amount of screen time I racked up in the past week. You will be shocked, I am sure. I picked up my phone 165 times in the last week. I had 31h8m of screen time. I wrote 8-12 hours a day last week and, like I said…I use my phone a ton when I write. I just activated the feature that monitors what apps use up most of your screen time. As of last August, most people use Instagram, Facebook, YouTube, WhatsApp, and Snapchat…in that order. It will be interesting to see where most of my time is spent.

Addictions. They are sneaky little snakes that wind their way into and around our lives…stealing our time, stealing our joy, stealing God’s glory. This is a giant that MUST fall. ❤️

“You say, “I am allowed to do anything”—but not everything is good for you. And even though “I am allowed to do anything,” I must not become a slave to anything.”
1 Corinthians 6:12 NLT

“I Have a Voice”

Sat, 23 Feb 2019 02:30:00 -0600

“I Have a Voice” woodcarving by Evelyn Jimenez

I have met some of the nicest people through my blog. One is a widow named Evelyn. She became very ill after losing her husband and very nearly died herself. Evelyn is a woodcarver, which I find endlessly fascinating. I’ve tried my hand at carving but I haven’t had the right tools for the job. I really would love to try again sometime…in my SPARE time. sigh

A few weeks ago, I saw a little faceless woman she carved and titled, “I Have a Voice”. This little round woman struck my heart. I went for a very long time in my life without a voice. I felt like the faceless woman, being told I wasn’t good enough or I was stupid or I was too fat. When you hear these things over and over and over from someone who is supposed to love you, you soon come to believe them as true.

I wanted my own little faceless woman to remind me that I am no longer without a voice. I wanted to remember that time when I was without a face so that I might recognize other faceless women. Instead of making me sad when I see her dejected little hands stuffed in her pockets, I smile because she might just be hiding cupcakes in there.

And…I know. I know she has a voice in there. I know because I had a voice inside…even when it was stifled. We can always say “I wish I would have known then what I know now.” For me it’s more like “I wish I would have known then WHO I know now.” I think if I’d known then how much God loved me, I would have loved myself more. And, if I’d loved myself more, I wouldn’t have allowed myself to be treated so poorly…even as a young child. Hindsight is 20/20. The best thing I can do now is mentor young women and make sure they know they are precious and loved and deserving. ❤️

“The desert and the parched land will be glad; the wilderness will rejoice and blossom. Like the crocus, it will burst into bloom; it will rejoice greatly and shout for joy. The glory of Lebanon will be given to it, the splendor of Carmel and Sharon; they will see the glory of the Lord, the splendor of our God.”
Isaiah 35:1-2 NIV

New Kicks!

Wed, 20 Feb 2019 02:30:17 -0600

“It pays to buy quality shoes!”

For about the last six months or so, I’ve noticed a pain in the ball of my left foot, near the base between my third and fourth toe. It feels like what we used to call a stone bruise. I rely on walking as my main exercise but this has become decidedly uncomfortable. I know I haven’t been wearing the right shoes this winter…mainly out of laziness. I just grab the quickest slip-ons and I know they don’t provide the proper support.

Yesterday was our appointment with the chiropractor. I really look forward to seeing her once a month. Ever since my accident two years ago, I have seen her with regularity. She thinks I have a Morton’s neuroma. I strongly suggest if someone thinks you have something, don’t Google it. You’ll find out things you wish you didn’t know like treatments and recurrence and surgeries and…yuck. She suggested I get better walking shoes.

My cousin’s wife texted yesterday and asked what I was up to.

“Heading to the mall to buy new WALKING SHOES!!!”

“Great! Get Brooks…they saved my feet!”

“?$$$”

“Yeah…but well worth it!!!”

I’m all about the cheap stuff, except when it comes to shoes. My feet have to carry me wherever I want to go. So, I’m willing to spend more for good quality shoes.

I stepped into one of those budget shoe stores first. No Brooks…no surprise. I stuck my hand in several pair and pressed on the material cushioning the ball of the foot. No go. They all felt like they had nothing but the 1/8th inch foam insole. That’s how I got in this problem in the first place.

I went on down the mall to the new sport clothing store. They didn’t have Brooks either. They had more running shoes than anything else and they don’t offer the comfort and support I was looking for either.

My next stop was Finish Line, a fitness and sporting shoe specialty store. They had Brooks! But, man…they were pricey! Still, I know my cousin’s wife has trouble with her feet and if she says Brooks saved her feet, I was going to try them. I asked for two different styles with different price points. Wow! The moment I put on the first pair, the pain eased significantly. They felt like I was walking on clouds. You know that feeling when you find the perfect shoe.

I vacillated. I hated to spend three figures on a pair of shoes. Yet, these felt wonderful. In the end, I bought the shoes. If you buy cheap shoes, you’ll be buying them repeatedly over the years. The last pair of good walking shoes I bought have lasted me four years. I bought these for $136. There’s no reason to believe these won’t also last four years and if they do, that’s $34 a year. I’m good with that.

We walked a few laps to test them out, then headed home. Mr. FixIt cleaned out the gutters in preparation for the huge rainstorm we are supposed to get over the next 36 hours or so. I tucked into TOW-Wanda and wrote till dusk. After supper, I wrote for another three hours.

43,148 words! ?❤️

“For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that.”
1 Timothy 6:7-8 NIV

When Grief Calls

Tue, 19 Feb 2019 02:30:21 -0600

“When grief calls, I’ve learned to listen.”

This past Sunday, our pastor spoke about “doing” the Word as well as ‘hearing’ the Word. He talked about how we become overweight Christians by coming to church and filling up on the Word without working it out. God gave the Word to us to not only fill us up, but to go out and DO it.

This got me to thinking about what I “do” with what I’m given. My answer is…this. I write to you. I sit down with you for a little chat. You are so kind as to invite me into your space to share coffee or to rock on the porch or to hold your hand for a little while. Sometimes, you let me talk about Jesus and how he has changed my life. Sometimes, you laugh at my antics when I lock myself out of TOW-Wanda or I misunderstand something Mr. FixIt says.

But, most of all, you let me hold your heart a little while. You let me share how broken mine was. You let me share hope…for healing, for a brighter tomorrow, for a time when you won’t cry quite as much. You let me share love…for a man who left too early, for a man who came so unexpectedly, for a Man who was both God AND Man. You let me share courage…to face the future without your person, to face uncertainty about finances, to just weather the storm.

When I went to the late service Sunday night, they had the Prayer Team at the front for an alter call. I watched as we continued to sing and worship, and my eyes rested on the leader of our small group. I wondered…who prays for the pray-ers? I went up to her after the service and said, “The Holy Spirit put it on my heart to pray for you tonight.” We went to the side wall and I held her hand and I thanked God for bringing this mighty Prayer Warrior into my life. I asked him to bless her and anoint her words when she helps to lead others in prayer.

The point of all this is…this. THIS. This blog is a big part of my “purpose”. We all have a purpose. Something we were put on this earth to do. Mine was to help widows and others who have lost their special ones. I did this yesterday by writing another 5,656 words for a total of 36,216 towards the completion of my book. All in the last eleven days…with three days off. I’ve never experienced this sheer volume of writing before. At this rate, I’ll be done in less than three weeks. Then, what on earth will I do with my time? Oh….camp, build things, help people heal, start on Book #2! You never know what I’ll be up to next! ❤️

“I cry out to God Most High, to God who fulfills his purpose for me.”
Psalms 57:2 ESV

“so in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us. If your gift is prophesying, then prophesy in accordance with your faith; if it is serving, then serve; if it is teaching, then teach; if it is to encourage, then give encouragement; if it is giving, then give generously; if it is to lead, do it diligently; if it is to show mercy, do it cheerfully.”

‭‭Romans‬ ‭12:5-8‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Happy Mind, Happy Life

Tue, 05 Feb 2019 02:30:06 -0600

“Making the little things count, because the little things add up to be the BIG thing!”

Yesterday was a really great day! First of all…the sun was shining and we had a high of 68 degrees here in West Virginia. A difference of over seventy degrees in three days…and Mr. FixIt has a sore throat. sigh I’m hitting him with Zinc and Vitamin C. And prayers!

I met a friend for coffee yesterday at the new Starbucks. Sue is a budding artist and she gifted me a watercolor of a little bluebird. She knows how much I love them. For Christmas, I gave her a pair of socks that I knitted and she wanted to give me something special. I’ve had it sitting near me all day and it’s so sweet.

The other day, when I learned Mr. FixIt’s family was going to join us at church, I made us each a notebook. It has three sections…a planner, a place for prayers and praises, and a section for sermon notes. I’ve always said I was going to take notes during the service and this was the perfect time to prepare.

Happy Mind, Happy Life…

My bonus granddaughter and I were talking about that just the other day. We were talking about the images we look at. You can never “unsee” something. And the things we choose to put in front of us for visual consumption changes us. It changes our brains. It changes how we see the world and how we see ourselves. We have to be ever watchful with what we choose to feed our minds because “we are what we eat.”

When I came in from sitting in the sun yesterday afternoon, I asked Alexa to play Contemporary Christian music. As I picked up my knitting, I let the uplifting music wash over me and fill me with the Joy of the Lord. My heart rose with the swell of the music…my skin still warm from the sun…my spirit still stirred from Sunday’s service. It’s good that we carry that image with us into the week. The image of God and the Word and Love and Fellowship and Goodness and Family. These are the things I choose as my Daily Bread. These are the things that I will fill myself with. ❤️

“Like newborn infants, long for the pure spiritual milk, that by it you may grow up into salvation—”
1 Peter 2:2 ESV

It’s Something in the Blood

Sat, 02 Feb 2019 02:30:46 -0600

“The advent of home DNA tests can open a can of worms for the unsuspecting.”

“Dirty little secrets, dirty little lies…” Don Henley / Danny Kortchmar

A few years ago, I bought a DNA kit through Ancestry.com. I picked up my mom’s passion for genealogy research where she left off when she died in 2004. Even though Ancestry was founded in 1983, it would be many years before the company went beyond connecting the dots between people and helping us fill in the blanks in family trees. When the DNA kit became available, it was fairly revolutionary. Here, you could go beyond the little green leaves and find out where you came from…geographically speaking.

I dutifully spit in the little test tube. I did what 95% of people do when they set off on such a venture…I basically ignored the small print. Things like saving my little genes in memory banks, selling my genetic information to third parties, and linking me with relatives I have never heard of never crossed my mind. I didn’t feel like I was registering with the government or Big Brother. I just wanted to know if I had any Native American ancestry like I’d always heard I had. It’s minuscule.

When I received my report, I wasn’t surprised by anything except some distant relative from Norway. Other than that, it was Scots/English/German…exactly as I expected. Then, Ancestry started sending e-mails saying they linked me to others who have done the test. It might be a 3rd cousin, 6th cousin…nothing close. I looked at the first couple. Other things soon captured my interest and in my typical Gemini fashion, I was off chasing butterflies in another field.

I recently read stories in the news about do-it-yourself DNA testing turning up surprises. Some that tear families apart. What would you do if you found siblings you’d never heard of? Or, if you found the siblings you were raised with were only half-siblings, indicating one or the other of your parents had an affair? Or, what if you were an anonymous sperm donor and suddenly you have 64 “children” out there?

The idea of anonymity in such things is seriously long gone with the advent of a $50 DNA test kit. Something that once required blood tests and a geneticist now is available on the shelves of any chain pharmacy. People are receiving troubling information with very little counseling to go along with it. There are now tests that can help predict your chances of developing such diseases as cancer and Alzheimer’s. How far of a jump is it for insurance companies to get that information and turn you down for coverage or refuse life insurance benefits if you die of a disease that has been documented as predictable?

It is estimated that by the year 2021, 100,000,000 people will have had their DNA tested by Ancestry alone. There are several other companies doing DNA tests of one sort or another. That’s a lot of data out there. I’d like to think it isn’t going to be used nefariously, but we have no guarantees of that. I know people who refuse to do the tests. I can’t say that I really regret having mine tested. And, I really would like to know if I have a proclivity to succumb to certain diseases so that I can a) prepare myself and my family and b) practice preventative health measures.

I think I am beginning to understand what my grandma might have gone through with the space program and computers and cell phones. Things are happening now that we couldn’t have even dreamed up when we were kids. I mean…it’s beyond Dick Tracy and Get Smart. This is really crazy stuff and, I have to admit…it fascinates the dickens out of me. ❤️

“The Lord detests lying lips, but he delights in people who are trustworthy.”
Proverbs 12:22 NIV

Are We Raising Strong Kids?

Thu, 31 Jan 2019 02:30:47 -0600

“School closings for cold weather…are we raising weak kids by saying it’s too cold outside?”

I can’t decide. Were adults negligent when we were kids and they made us stand in sub-zero weather to wait for the bus…in skirts, no less? Or are they teaching kids to give up when things get hard when they call school off for two days because of cold weather? Seriously, I don’t recall ever hearing of someone dying of hypothermia waiting for the school bus in 1969. Did I like it? Heck no! Did it kill me? Not by a long shot.

We weren’t allowed to wear pants to school back then and, by golly, my mom abided by the rules. I couldn’t wear pants under my skirt even if I swore on a stack of Bibles that I would take them off as soon as I got to school. Rules were rules and that was that. I only had to walk three blocks but sometimes the wait was 20 minutes or more if the roads were bad. It was pretty brutal, but I survived.

We didn’t have money for snow boots. I wore my penny loafers and knee socks. My feet were ice cubes by the time I got to school. The skin on my kneecaps was hard and white. There wasn’t such a thing as puffy ski coats, either. I had a hand-me-down wool coat and a toboggan. Still, I never had frostbite. I was rarely sick.

There was a government official that got some backlash yesterday for suggesting we are teaching kids that we quit when things get hard. More than likely, when these kids grow up, their boss will expect them to show up when it’s cold instead of staying home in their jammies and playing video games all day. I’m inclined to think we’ve become a little too soft in this day and age.

Granted…I stay in and knit and drink tea on blustery, cold days. But, I payed my dues. We did go out to the farm yesterday. We needed to check the well pump in the cellar house to make sure it wasn’t in danger of freezing. All the water lines were clear, the heat was on, the gas stove in the bathroom was working perfectly, the cabinet doors were open, and so was the basement door. That allows extra heat from the basement up into the kitchen, helping to keep that side of the house warm. The cellar temperature was actually well above freezing. It is built back into the hillside and is covered by earth on three sides. Just to make doubly sure though, we turned on the trouble light that hangs near the pipes to give a little extra warmth. It was 2 degrees when we got home.

Ha! I’ve turned into my mother…my grandmother…my great-grandmother. I can just hear my grandma saying, “Why, when I was your age, we had to get up and milk the cows and gather the eggs and feed the hogs before we could head off to school. We had to cut the wood for the cook stove, too! We didn’t have any modern conveniences, and we did just fine. This younger generation doesn’t know how good they have it!” I don’t know…I suppose a windchill factor of -15 is as good a reason as any to call off school. It’s wicked cold out there. Be safe if you have to be out…and kids, use this time to learn something. Look up “global warming”, “climate change”, “how to prevent frostbite” and write a little essay. ❤️

Edit: I’m going to step up here and say many of you have made very valid points. This is a very dangerous polar vortex and in thinking back, we certainly did not experience wind chills of -50+ when I was a kid. The weather has changed. The economy has changed. I hadn’t thought of all the factors you, as current and former teachers, have expressed. Polar vortex windchills and trophies for all aren’t the same things. Thank you for enlightening me. That’s why I love this blog. You cheer me on…and you teach me when a I need it.

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.””
Joshua 1:9 NIV

Some Updates on the Kids!

Mon, 28 Jan 2019 02:30:05 -0600

“Baby Gwendolyn sitting up with her braces on her legs. Making progress!”

Remember sweet baby Gwendolyn who we have been praying for since last summer? Look at our big girl…sitting up in her high chair with her braces on her little legs. She still is having issues with her hands but she is slowly learning to grasp things. Her lower jaw is receded and she cannot eat yet so she has a stomach tube tube for feeding. But she is bright as a new copper penny and as sweet as a summer rain! What a blessing she is to all who love her!

“Little Khloe is battling leukemia and just lost her hair. She celebrated by braving bare in a fashion show! She’s a rock star!”

Then, there’s little Khloe. Her great grandma went to high school with us. Khloe found out she had leukemia last summer. Last weekend, her family threw an “It’s Just Hair” party where she and many members of her family shaved their heads in support. Khloe lost almost all of her hair and she was tired of it just coming out in chunks so she just wanted it all off. She has a bunch of really cute wigs, but yesterday she was in a fashion show for Justice girls wear and boldly bare with a cute glittery unicorn headband. This brave little girl rocks!!!

Here are two precious little girls, going through some pretty big struggles. And their brave families backing them up. It makes any little problem I may think I have pale in comparison. They are living, breathing examples of prayers being answered. I love when Jesus shows us His works.

I’ve been praying for my bonus family and last night, the grands with their significant others went to church with me! What a joy that was! And, they want to come next week with my husband and me. So, it was a really, really wonderful weekend. I hope you have a blessed Monday, y’all!

Have a wonderful Monday, everyone! ❤️

“Dear friend, I pray that you may enjoy good health and that all may go well with you, even as your soul is getting along well.”
3 John 1:2 NIV

Action v. Reaction

Tue, 22 Jan 2019 02:30:08 -0600

“The Reverend Doctor Martin Luther King, Jr.”

Growing up in the chaos of alcoholic dysfunction made me a reactionary from an early age. There was a lot of anger in my home growing up. Lots of fighting, yelling, slamming, throwing, crashing. I never witnessed my father hitting my mother. He only hit me once. When he did, he came at me from behind and I stood up to him. I stuck my chin out and told him, if he was going to hit me he’d better hit me like a man and do it face to face. I’ll never forget the utter look of defeat on his face in that moment. He dropped his fist to his side, went over to the steps, sat down, and cried. He never went after me again. But, the damage was done. It was done long before that day.

I learned to be the peacemaker. To smooth things over. To mediate when things got out of hand. I was the bystander. I acted. Unfortunately, when the anger was directed at me, I reacted. I automatically went into defense mode. I made excuses. I deflected. I diverted attention. I manipulated. It was decidedly unhealthy and took far too many years to come to a head.

The first pivotal moment of my life…that moment when there is a definite line in the sand that separates “all things before” from “all things after” was the overdose. That was when I really did the work necessary to effect permanent change in my life. It’s when I learned about codependency. Before that, there was no clear boundary to define where others ended and I began. I was too busy weaving a web that would hold everything together.

Learning about boundaries was a love-hate exercise. I loved finding my voice and standing up for myself. I hated confrontation. I loved the release healthy boundaries gave me because I didn’t have to try to run everyone else’s lives for them. I hated feeling like a fish out of water.

It took a lot of practice. It still does. I still have to remind myself occasionally that I don’t do anyone any favors by not setting boundaries and demand they are respected. I didn’t spend seven hard years in therapy for nothing. Fortunately, Mr. Virgo came into the picture after I had these skills in place and he offered an excellent practice field.

After sixty-five trips around the sun, I’ve learned enough to know it’s a whole lot easier to carry love than it is anger, hate, discord, dysfunction, or codependency. When I approach any situation from a place of love, my walk becomes more Christ-like. And anytime I lead with “What would Jesus do?”, I am already winning. Conflict is inevitable in life. The only control we have is in how we react to it. ❤️

“For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.”
Galatians 1:10 ESV

The Arctic Blast

Mon, 21 Jan 2019 02:30:40 -0600

“Full Moon on the New Fallen Snow, West Virginia”

This is the time of year when we just get blasted with frigid air from the north. We’ve been fortunate (knock on wood) to have escaped the really bad snowstorms so far this year. They seem to all sweep north of us. And that’s were they can stay for all I care. Those of you who have been following this blog since it’s inception know I lived in Colorado for forty years. I’m just WAY over long, cold, snowy winters.

I can’t help reminiscing about those severe snow storms I experienced over the four decades I lived in the Rockies. A few stand out…the Christmas Eve Blizzard of 1982…the year we moved from the log house in the country to the big house in town, Christmas 1990…the winter we spent in Pagosa Springs when it snowed 7’, and the really bad winter of 2013-14, the year Mr. Virgo died. At least here in West Virginia, things are starting to warm up and there are signs of spring in March. March and April are usually Colorado’s snowiest months.

We awoke yesterday to very icy conditions…not a lot of snow, but ice here is quite the deterrent for me. We decided to stay home and that makes two weeks in a row that we didn’t make it to church. We don’t like that one bit. I was really happy they played the video of the service on the church’s YouTube channel so I still got to see it. I spent the entire day yesterday snuggled up under my fur blanket, knitting dishcloths and catching up with friends and family on Facebook. Sometimes you have to have a good self care day.

I went out last night to capture the full moon on the new-fallen snow and absolutely loved the picture. I had every intention of going out to see the lunar eclipse but at 10:00 the wind chill was already -3 so I thought better of it. I’ve seen lunar eclipses before…they look the same in January as they do in the summer. Stay warm wherever you are! ❤️

“Do you not know that you are God's temple and that God's Spirit dwells in you? If anyone destroys God's temple, God will destroy him. For God's temple is holy, and you are that temple.”
1 Corinthians 3:16-17 ESV

The Water Crisis

Mon, 14 Jan 2019 02:30:26 -0600

“If a crisis occurred and you didn’t have modern conveniences…would you know what to do?”

An alert went out to a good portion of the residents of my home town Thursday evening. There was a boil water advisory. This happens when there has been a water main break or something of the like. It seldom lasts more than a day. Not this one. What started out as “north of the Kanawha River” became “all PUD customers” overnight. Water was coming out of faucets anywhere from clear to partly cloudy to brown. Some people had no pressure at all. Others had a dribble. Still others seemed unaffected but a ban is a ban.

It was interesting to watch Facebook as people became more and more concerned. There really wasn’t a very good explanation given to allay the fears of the citizenry. And, given we live in Chemical Valley, imaginations ran wild. It really could have been anything. Some said it was still ok to shower. Some said not. Others said it was ok to wash your clothes but when they did, large brown spots stained them. Now, I’ll have to admit…this situation did not affect me personally because we live out in the country away from that particular city water system. But, I’ve lived through things like this many times and it is not only a major inconvenience….it can be downright scary.

It happened fairly often in Colorado. Just about every year when the spring runoff brought an over abundance of silt down into the city water intake, the filters were soon overwhelmed and our water got murky. There would often be a boil water advisory. My cousin has to haul water to fill a cistern since they live on the side of a mountain here in West Virginia. When they get a good hard rain, their water turns a murky reddish-brown. Out at the farm, there is a rainwater catchment system in place, but it’s been decades since the cistern has been cleaned or the filter changed. The point being, there are lots of folks who have to boil water on a regular basis. Or they just resort to buying water or taking empty jugs to a family member’s house to refill them. That’s what I did after Mr. FixIt and I started dating. I had about a dozen one gallon jugs I threw in my truck and I filled them when I visited him in town.

For those of us more accustomed to living a more primitive life, these things are par for the course and you just roll with them. But city people who rely on the immediate availability of fresh water at the turn of the faucet get rattled. I don’t blame them. We are creatures of habit and we become complacent in our consumption of utilities. This is such a first world problem. So much of the world’s population has no access to fresh water, let alone electricity, gas, internet, phone, and groceries.

What would (will?) happen to us if the unthinkable happens and it all goes away??? Will you know how to collect and filter water? Will you know how to produce and preserve food? Will you be able to provide housing and clothing for yourself and your family? Will you be able to gather fuel to cook and keep warm? Do you have skills or goods for bartering? I worry that the last generation to really have those skills is getting too old to provide them. So, here is what I posit. If you have skills, pass them on to young people…your children, grandchildren, great grandchildren.

This isn’t meant to cause an alarmist response. I don’t think something like this is imminent. But it cannot hurt to stock up on some extra jugs of water in case there is an emergency in your area. Parkersburg’s boil advisory wasn’t lifted until last evening. That made three full days without tap water for a pretty good-sized town. I’m not saying you have to go full on survivalist, but knowledge is power. Be prepared…or as prepared as you can be. ❤️

“Do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring.”
Proverbs 27:1 ESV

The Dark Corners

Sat, 12 Jan 2019 02:30:03 -0600

“We are but a wisp of smoke when we are gone…shadowy memories that cling to us like curls of smoke.”

I had a doctor’s appointment yesterday. Nothing major…just a follow up on something we’re keeping an eye on. Aside from the boring green floral upholstery on the chairs, there were some unmemorable pieces of what would pass for art. You can go in any medical office in America and see the same room. Rather than pick up germy, outdated magazines, I pulled my knitting out of my bag to get a few rows in before my name was called.

As I stitched, my mind was drawn to the television hanging in the corner of the room in front of me. Our local hospital is affiliated with WVU Medical Center and the TV plays an endless loop of PR stories…physicians and patient profiles that demonstrate the different specialties and what they can achieve.

As I knit two, perl two, something caught my attention. A woman was on the screen talking about her husband. He had arrived home early from work and decided to take the dog and go for a run. She continued to shop on the computer when he returned in moments saying he didn’t feel well. Her nurse mode kicked in and she realized he didn’t look well. She checked his pulse and to her horror, realized he was having a heart attack. She got him down on the floor and implored him to stay awake. He said he was trying and with that, lost consciousness. She began CPR while trying to dial 911, shouting to the phone on the floor to send an ambulance right away.

It was my story all over again.

I found myself gripping the knitting needles, willing the man to breathe, to wake up, to not leave his wife alone to clean up the mess of death…to stay a little longer so she wouldn’t feel what I felt. While I was relieved to hear he made it, there was that familiar pang of “Why me? My MY man?”

Tears stung my eyes…to my surprise.

I don’t let myself go there very often anymore. It’s like a photo album and I know what the pictures inside look like, but I don’t necessarily need to get it down and view it very often. It’s just easier on me if I don’t go there.

And, besides…I’m married again. Aren’t I not supposed to grieve another when I have this wonderful man in my life now? I don’t grieve like I once did. That is a GOOD thing. That is the way it should be. But just know this: There will be times, there will be moments, there will be events that will trigger you and, no matter how happy you are and your life is vastly improved, you’ll still “go there”. This is normal and I want you to know that. I want you to be gentle with yourself. Don’t feel guilty. Feel your feels cause they’re as real as real can be. You never stop loving…you start loving more. And gradually, you begin hurting a little less, and a little less, and a little less till you put the photo album up on the shelf. ❤️

“Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his faithful servants.”
Psalm 116:15 NIV

Into the Light

Wed, 09 Jan 2019 02:30:10 -0600

“For He called you out of the darkness into his wonderful light.” 1 Peter 2:9

I’ve kind of had a theme going here the last few days given the time of year it is. I still sometimes sit in awe when I look back to where I was nearly twenty years ago. This is how we know how far we’ve come…by looking back in wonder. I struggled so long with a spirit of depression. When the veil lifted and I walked back into the light, it was surreal. Supernatural. Which is exactly what it was, this lifting.

I am always consciously monitoring my mental state in the winter. I never, ever want to go back to that dark place again, so I carefully check myself often. Am I keeping up with personal hygiene? It’s one of the first things to slip. Am I sleeping too much? Not enough? How’s my temper? I get cranky when I get blue. Am I comforting myself with food? Am I eating out of boredom? Am I getting out and doing fun things and engaging with people? These are all problem areas and can signal depression.

We had the fourth day in a row of warmth and sunshine yesterday. As a matter of fact, it was 64 late yesterday afternoon. The sun peeked in and out all day. It was glorious. I went out to visit TOW-Wanda. I plugged her in to charge up the batteries. She needs a good cleaning. I had company in there during the wedding and I never really cleaned much after that. One thing that really lifts my mood in the winter is to spend a couple of days in the camper, so I’m getting her fixed up.

Being prepared for the grey days of winter can go a long way in warding off the blues. Keeping healthy foods in the house and limiting sweet snacks helps you make good choices when you want to cozy in with a bag of chips or a plate of brownies. Chilled, fresh oranges are sweet and juicy this time of year. If you really want a salty snack, the tiny bags of popcorn can hit the spot without overloading calories. I don’t want to count calories. I just want to remain mindful of what’s going in. And try to move more.

Cleaning out a closet or that one junk room you’ve been ignoring can lift your mood and give you a sense of accomplishment. Or, starting a new project. We just started working on the master bathroom this week. It will be fun to see that take shape. Whatever it takes to keep you from hibernating and falling into a deep, blue funk is worth the effort to put towards keeping in the light. ❤️

“The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.””
Deuteronomy 31:8 NIV

January Bluebirds

Mon, 07 Jan 2019 02:30:28 -0600

“Mountain Bluebirds are glorious in January!”

I don’t know about where you are, but here in West Virginia, the weather has been lovely. We have had three days straight of sunshine and near fifty degrees. When Mr. FixIt and I left church yesterday, we both let out an audible sigh.

“Ok, this IS a beautiful day, isn’t it?” I love that my sweet husband notices such things and really FEELS them.

“Yes,” I said. “I can get through a West Virginia winter if I just have a few days like this to lift me up.”

That is one thing about Colorado, besides my wonderful family, that I miss desperately. Plenty of sunshine days in the Rocky Mountains. And there truly is nothing more beautiful than Mountain Bluebirds on the crisp white of snow.

My friend, Roxanne Morris, is an incredibly talented artist and photographer. She caught these images yesterday and I asked if I could share them with you. They make me smile. Mr. Virgo has brought me bluebirds from the beginning. He knew how much I loved them. I cannot see them without thinking of him. And, since yesterday was my re-birthday, it was only fitting that he send me bluebirds…albeit through my friend’s lens and Facebook. These are COLORADO bluebirds. These are the same as the ones that fly around his grave when I go visit him.

“The flash of blue against the crisp, white snow of Colorado makes Mountain Bluebirds a favorite.”

I marveled all day yesterday at the vast differences in my life now compared to the same day nineteen years ago. I stood in church and sang with great joy and enthusiasm. I held hands with my sweet husband. We enjoyed breakfast together after church. We shared some time at the farm. And we came home to the Ponderosa. I spoke to Daughter #1 and she told me she loves me and misses me. I chatted with Daughter #2 and we shared our love. I received a text from Hubby #2…the one to whom I was married at the time of the overdose. It was a lovely text with pictures of their dogs and he was joyful and there was no mention of the past and my heart filled with love and joy for our healing. And, to top it all off, Mr. Virgo’s beloved Eagles won the wild card game yesterday. So, yeah…he’s happy, too. And still sending me bluebirds. ❤️

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,” declares the Lord, “and will bring you back from captivity. I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you,” declares the Lord, “and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile.””

Jeremiah 29:11, 13-14 NIV

The Pivoting Point

Sun, 06 Jan 2019 02:30:09 -0600

“January 6, 2000 looked much like this...cold, snow-covered, sunny. Little did I know how the day would end.”

When I woke up the morning of January 6, 2000...I had no idea I had spent the last night of my life in Hubby #2’s bed. Because, it very nearly became the ACTUAL last night of my life. In about 12 hours, I was going to be in the ER fighting for my life after an overdose.

This is the day that I refer to as my re-birthday. It was the day I hit rock bottom and had to start navigating my way back up. It wasn’t like I really wanted to die. I just wanted the pain to stop. Everything had become so painful.

I used to tell the details of this day over and over and over to anyone who would sit still. I told about my relationship to a man who wasn’t taking care of me the way I needed. He’s not a bad man at all. Years of illness and my altered personality from all those drugs had taken their toll on both of us. I told about the psychiatrist who misdiagnosed me as having a chemical imbalance in my brain. I told about how my life experiences, including episodes of childhood sexual abuse, had created the perfect storm that produced that fateful day.

It’s nineteen years now. So close to two decades. Not quite one third of my life has passed. SO much has happened in those nineteen years, including burying my next husband. I am a sum of my experiences, as we all are. But, I am not DEFINED by those experiences anymore.

The person I am today doesn’t resemble who I was back then. The only cells that are the same ones now that were present on that night at the turn of the millennium are neurons…the very cells I was trying to shut off. Everything else has been made new…both physically with the passage of time, and spiritually with my salvation.

The value of the story has changed. I no longer want you to take sides with me and hate my ex-husband. I no longer want to make excuses for my behaviors. I no longer want you to feel sorry for me. These things were all present for some time in the retelling. Now, the value of the story isn’t so much the yardstick that measures how far I’ve come, but more a testimony that…no matter how far you’ve gone down the wrong path…you can turn around and have a better life.

While my abuse came from prescriptions, and Danielle’s (see my post about her earlier this week) came from street drugs and a needle, we are no different. We were both addicted and we were both saved by the same Grace. We were both snatched from the jaws of death by a loving and forgiving God. He didn’t cause our problems, but he did allow us to walk through them so we could learn and grow into the purpose He designed for our lives.

It’s hard for me to believe that was me…that I was that far gone. I will tell you this, though…I will forever tell how Jesus picked me up and carried me when I stumbled and fell on January 6, 2000. ❤️

“so is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.”
Isaiah 55:11 NIV

Thwarting a Spiritual Attack

Sat, 05 Jan 2019 02:30:25 -0600

“Man says…show me and I’ll trust you. God says…trust me and I’ll show you.” Psalm 126:6

So, I was minding my own business, tucked under my blanket, happily knitting when I got a text . My dear friends Janine and Gail and I have a chat room where we visit just about every day. Janine was traveling through and was stopping at Gail’s to spend the night. I was three hours away but I wasn’t going to miss out on seeing my good friends. Impromptu road trip!

I got here just after dark. Janine had her friend Diane with her and I was thrilled to meet her. Another friend, Jan, came to join us and we just had a grand time. Diane is a devout Christian and is a PR person. Jan is a retired pastor. You can imagine our entire evening was talking about our stories and how God has worked in our lives.

I was standing in the kitchen giving Diane my testimony about finding Jesus when I started feeling ill. It worsened over the hour and I headed upstairs with a bucket, just in case. Everyone had gone to bed so when I came to Janine’s door I tapped.

“Janine?”

“Yes, dear.” She opened the door wide. Her smile quickly faded when she saw me. “Ginny? What’s wrong?” She came into the hall and touched my arm.

“Janine, I’m being spiritually attacked!” I knew it as sure as I knew my own name. I was suddenly, violently ill.

I spent the prior twenty-four hours pretty immersed in Jesus. I watched War Room…a powerful movie about spiritual warfare. Then I came to Gail’s and spent a whole evening talking about very powerful, spiritual things. There were five very strong women engaged in animated spiritual conversation.

Janine and Diane came into the room and laid hands on me and prayed fervently. Within a half hour, I felt much better.

If you don’t believe in such a thing as spiritual warfare, I am here to tell you it’s a very real thing. The enemy does not like when powerful, spiritual women start professing faith like we were. But his power is in whispering lies and making you believe things that are not real. We sent him packing. A whole army of angels surrounded me and kicked his butt! We can just rejoice in that for a while, ok? I believe! ❤️

“Jesus turned and said to Peter, “Get behind me, Satan! You are a stumbling block to me; you do not have in mind the concerns of God, but merely human concerns.””
Matthew 16:23 NIV

Gwendolyn’s Journey with Arthrogryposis

Sun, 30 Dec 2018 02:30:15 -0600

“Baby Gwen was born with arthrogryposis…a rare congenital anomaly that causes some joints in the body to be stiff and bent in odd directions.”

A few months ago, I asked you to pray for my friend’s little baby granddaughter and you all stood up and joined hands and prayed hard. Baby Gwen came into this world a beautiful little flower…but some of her petals were damaged. She has arthrogryposis…a rare congenital defect that affects multiple joints. There are typically joint contractures which may be stuck in one position. The muscles surrounding these joints may be weak, stiff, or even missing altogether. Little Gwen’s left leg was bent backwards and lay across her tummy. Her feet and hands are turned inward and her little chin is drastically receded.

“Her damaged petals are what made her more beautiful than all the other flowers.” A. J. Lawless

As Gwen has grown, some of these contractures have needed to be addressed more urgently. Because her lower jaw recedes, she cannot drink from a bottle. She eventually had a stomach tube placed to get tube feedings directly into her stomach. And, because she can’t swallow, her normal saliva can choke her to death. She has to have someone awake with her 24/7 in order to suction her airway when her secretions get in her way. Between her airway and tube feedings, physical therapy and doctor’s visits, little Gwen is more than a fulltime job. I’m telling you this though…God couldn’t have given her to a better family than the one she’s in.

“Gwen has had a series of casts placed on her legs to bring them down into position for surgical repair.”

The latest surgery was a tendectomy. This will clear the way for eventually walking. I know it’s hard to imagine her ever walking when you look at that newborn picture, but she has had a series of casts as well as the surgery and her legs are down much closer where they need to be. She is just now being able to coo and gurgle baby gibberish and it makes your heart soar when you see her in a video. Her huge, sensitive eyes look into your very soul. She is the sweetest little thing.

“Baby Gwen is fed through a tube placed surgically into her stomach because she cannot swallow well enough to eat.”

Gwen’s parents are young. Mommy had to quit her job to stay home with the baby. With all the expenses that go along with a situation like this, there is also a Go Fund Me page to help with daily expenses and challenges. I rarely share this kind of thing, asking for donations, but I know this family personally. They are a wonderful, close knit family who needs a little extra help. It’s the end of the year. If you find you need to donate a little more, or if the Spirit moves you, please consider helping this young family out.

“The muscles in Gwen’s arms and hands are weak and she is just now learning to ‘hold’ toys.”

You can find Gwendolyn’s story at:

https://www.facebook.com/GwendolynsJourney/

You can find their Go Fund Me page at:

https://www.gofundme.com/gwendolyn-strong

“I look forward to every post as I follow Gwendolyn’s Journey. This baby will never be told she can’t do something…they will just find a way.”

“As Jesus was walking along, he saw a man who had been born blind. His followers asked him, “Teacher, whose sin caused this man to be born blind—his own sin or his parents’ sin?” Jesus answered, “It is not this man’s sin or his parents’ sin that made him blind. This man was born blind so that God’s power could be shown in him.”
John 9:1-3 ICB

Just Ask Alexa

Thu, 06 Dec 2018 02:30:39 -0600

“The turkey finally thawed!!!”

This is the Tale of The Turkey That Refused to Thaw. Remember I told you we bought a 25# turkey for Thanksgiving? We bought it two weeks in advance. Eight days before I was going to cook for the family, Mr. FixIt removed the turkey from the freezer and put it in the fridge. The day before I was going to cook, I checked the turkey and it was still frozen solid. I ended up buying a fresh turkey and saved the day.

I got lots of good feedback about thawing the turkey in a cold water bath. However, since I already had a 20# turkey cooked and had lots of leftovers, I wasn’t in very much of a hurry. I left the turkey in the fridge in the garage and checked it every couple of days. Finally, two days ago, I checked and there was a small amount of juices in the fridge so I brought the turkey in the house to roast. Well, once I got it in the sink, I realized that it was STILL two thirds frozen! It’s like this thing would NOT give up.

I placed the turkey, in its original packaging, in a clean cooler, covered it with cold water and added ice on top. I closed the lid and checked it Tuesday. The ice had melted together into one large lump and was adhered to the turkey. I was beginning to think it was generating its own refrigeration! I checked it again Tuesday night and topped it off with a little more ice. I was making headway.

Finally, yesterday morning, I pulled the turkey out of the cooler and it was thawed! Still, when I reached into the cavity to pull out the neck, there was still a large chunk of solid ice in there. Unbelievable!

The fresh turkey I bought was a Honeysuckle White. I brined it, stuffed a quartered lemon and orange in the cavity along with a bundle of fresh herbs, pressed a half pound of softened butter mixed with garlic, fresh rosemary and thyme between the skin and the breast, then brushed the skin with melted butter. I sprinkled salt, fresh ground pepper, rustic herbs, and poultry seasoning on the skin and popped it in a 325 degree oven till the breast measured 170 degrees on a meat thermometer and the juices ran clear between the thigh and the body. It was divine!

Yesterday’s turkey didn’t get a brine. It was a Butterball and they are injected with a saline solution before freezing. I still stuffed the body cavity with cut up orange and lemon and a bundle of fresh herbs. I injected the breasts and thighs with melted butter and brushed more butter on the skin before sprinkling the same seasonings on top as the other turkey I roasted. I didn’t put butter under the skin of this one.

About 5 hours or so later, it was ready. In the meantime, I entertained myself by asking Alexa to open Butterball. You can ask all kinds of questions and get recipes texted to your phone. You can even ask for a turkey joke. It’s always good to have fun when you’re cooking! ❤️

“Then a voice told him, “Get up, Peter. Kill and eat.””
Acts 10:13 NIV

Plantar-Palmar Psoriasis: A Conundrum

Mon, 03 Dec 2018 02:30:01 -0600

“The difference CBD Ointment made after just two weeks of use is absolutely remarkable!”

Refresher:

After Mr. Virgo died, I developed an autoimmune disorder. It took three years to diagnose what was happening to my skin. As you can see in the photo on the left, my skin thickened, dried, split, and peeled. Then it started all over again. Cycle after cycle. My feet were just as bad. Occasionally it would appear on my elbows or on random spots on my legs. Much mostly just the palms of my hands and soles of my feet. It got so bad that I had to wrap my feet with duct tape to keep them from splitting open. I went through thousands of bandaids as I had to keep my fingers wrapped constantly…for comfort and also out of embarrassment.

I went to doctor after doctor. I used every over the counter product there was available. I went through dozens of tubes of expensive medications. Nothing worked. Finally, my doctor found the correct diagnosis…Plantar Palmar Psoriasis. Still, the medications for it didn’t work. The next thing to try was systemic steroids or one of the new, strong drugs for psoriasis. They also talked about doing light therapy. I was not happy with either scenario.

I was in Colorado visiting, and a friend saw my hands. She suggested I go to a marijuana dispensary to see if they had something to offer. I did, after much contemplation. I didn’t want the psychoactive effects of marijuana but I would do just about anything for relief. This had become debilitating. I showed them my hands and they recommended an ointment. It cost $50 for a small jar. One jar lasts about 1-2 months, depending how often I have to use it.

The difference between the photo on the left and the photo on the right is two weeks. Two weeks! I had been struggling for three years and cannabis fixed it in two weeks. Now, this is not legal in West Virginia, so I can only use CBD ointment…the kind without THC. THC is the psychoactive ingredient in marijuana. As it turned out, when I used the ointment with the THC, I only felt very mild effects the very first time I used it. After that, I felt nothing. Using CBD without THC is a no brainer. It couldn’t get you high if you ate it straight out of the jar.

Last year, I was in Fruth Pharmacy in Mineral Wells getting something and noticed a case up front with CBD oils and ointments in it. I was thrilled to know that I could replenish my supply of ointment locally and not have to order it over the internet. I went in yesterday as my little jar is almost empty. The case was gone! I asked what happened and the clerk said they had to get rid of it. I asked who told them they had to get rid of it. The answer? The government.

Yes. These are the same people who say I have to be carded at the age of 65 when I buy non-alcohol beer but a 12 year old can buy Listerine which is 54 Proof. I don’t understand. It’s ridiculous. I am not asking for opioids. I am not seeking a high. I am not looking to used anything that is addictive. All I want is CBD ointment or oil. Cannabidiol. Look at these photos. If this isn’t photographic evidence of the efficacy of cannabis in the treatment of psoriasis, I don’t know what is. God made all the plants of the field. ALL of the plants. Some plants are poisonous…but this plant offers healing when used properly and it should be made available everywhere.

❤️

“Dear friend, I pray that you may enjoy good health and that all may go well with you, even as your soul is getting along well.”
3 John 1:2 NIV

Disclaimer: Remember, I am not a doctor and I cannot give medical advice I’m just telling you what worked for me. I can’t be responsible for what may or may not occur if you choose to follow my example. I showed my doctors and they were stunned.

A Voice From the Darkness

Mon, 26 Nov 2018 02:30:26 -0600

“Depression keeps you isolated from those who might help you.”

In between cooking and visiting with my family at our Thanksgiving dinner Saturday, I checked my Twitter account. Someone was asking a question about assisted suicide. I have a contact on Twitter whose husband elected assisted death when his Stage 4 colon cancer became untreatable. In order to connect the two, i had to pop out of his tweet to find her profile. But when I tried to find the original tweet with the question, I couldn’t find it. Rather than take the time to scroll through, I typed “assisted suicide” in the search bar.

Apparently, there was a program on about it on TV because it was a trending topic of conversation. I started scrolling down through till I came upon a cry for help that alarmed me. Someone with no followers tweeted “How can I find someone to assist with my suicide?” I clicked on the profile and scrolled down reading tweet after tweet over the past day saying things like “I want to die.” I couldn’t get it out of my mind but I fell asleep before I could find it again.

Today after church, I went on the hunt for this person and clicked follow. Then I tweeted, “Are you ok?” Finally I got a response. “I’m still alive but I don’t want to be.” I went on to explain how I understood this. I went through a terrible depression and overdosed nearly 19 years ago. I asked how I could help. The response was, “How can you help? I’m on medicine but it’s not working.” I asked, “Do you have someone to talk to?” The answer, “Not really.” I explained that if the medicine wasn’t working, a counselor or therapist could help as well as the physician who prescribed it.

Before I could hear back, I did two things. I Googled “What do you do if someone on Twitter threatens suicide?” I received a link to the help section of Twitter with a form to report an account if you suspect someone is talking about harming themselves. I filled out the form, hoping and praying that someone other than only me would reach out and this person could get help. After the form was submitted, there was a list of resources in multiple countries for suicide hotlines. I took screenshots and tweeted them to the person. I tweeted, “I hope you believe me when I say you matter. There is only one you. God puts us here for a purpose. Don’t leave before you find out what that is. There is always, always hope. I care.” The response was, “Thank you very much.”

I haven’t heard anything else. I haven’t seen any more tweets but I will keep my eye out and watch the profile. This is a difficult time of year for some people. Not everyone has love and light and abundant happiness over the holidays. I don’t know this person’s circumstances. I don’t know gender, age, location. I know nothing except this is a hurting soul and I will do what I can to help and give some hope. Please pray for this person that he/she/they find the help needed. ❤️

“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” John 10:10 NIV

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline '1-800-273-TALK (8255)'

Loving What Is

Mon, 19 Nov 2018 02:30:47 -0600

“Snapchat filters make me see the beautiful woman inside. The mirror makes me see the beautiful Child of God that I am on the outside!”

I love my grandkids. I don’t get to see them and interact with them enough. Big is 14. Little is 11. Both are at the age where their interests lie elsewhere. Still, Little and I engage in bouts of “Let’s top each other in Snapchat.” She always wins. She does the cute and funky filters that twist your face up or adds bunny ears and whiskers. I go for glamour shots that take away my wrinkles and gives me the face of a super model. Vain? Not really. More like seeing the woman I feel like.

I’m sixty-five. Even in my primest of prime years, I was never super model material, but I could turn a head or two. I still can, if truth be told. Just ask my new, still-smitten husband. He thinks I’m the most beautiful woman on the planet! And, when I bask in his love-light, I feel even MORE beautiful. Isn’t that lovely?

When I look in the mirror and I see the wrinkles, the graying hair, the sagging skin, the cellulite I realize I am not looking at myself correctly. I am listening to the enemy whisper…”You’ll never be enough.” Instead…I change my focus. And you know how I do that? I listen to Jesus.

Here’s what Jesus tells me.

“You are altogether beautiful, my darling: there is no flaw in you.” (Sol. 4:7)

“You will be a crown of splendor in the LORD’S hand, a royal diadem in the hand of your God.” (Is. 62:3)

“Those who look to him are radiant, and their faces shall never be ashamed.” (Ps. 34:5)

“For we are God’s masterpiece…” (Eph. 2:10)

“…Created to do good works which God prepared in advance for us to do.” (Eph. 2:10)

“Blessed is she who has believed that the Lord would fulfill his promises to her!” (Lu. 1:45)

“God is within her, she will not fall; God will help her at break of day.” (Ps. 46:5)

“She is worth far more than rubies.” (Prov.31:10)

“But by the grace of God I am what I am.” (1 Cor. 15:10)

“See, I have inscribed you on the palms of My hands…” (Is. 49:16)

This is your time. God is within you. You are inscribed on His hands. Did you hear that? On his HANDS! He will fulfill his promises to you. You do your part…believe. Leave the rest up to God. Do you seriously believe the Almighty who created the stars in the sky does not count the hairs on your head? You are precious in His sight. Really.

Now, go out there and hold your head up high on this Monday morning. Smile at that person in the mirror. Need I remind you that you are a beautiful, perfectly imperfect image of God? You are loved. You are cherished. You are coveted. You are protected. You are awesome. There is ONLY ONE YOU.

I know. You may not be feeling it. You may be going through some pretty tough times right now. You may feel discouraged. You may be facing a crisis. You may be battling demons. You may be in the dark throes of grief. God has put it on my heart there is someone out there I need to tell this to so listen carefully. This is not the end of your road. He has a purpose for you that you haven’t even imagined yet. Don’t quit. You cannot fail as long as you do not quit. That miracle might just happen in the next five minutes, so stick with us here. Reach for Jesus’ hand. He will never, ever turn his back on you. He will never leave you. He will never cut you down or say mean, hurtful things to you. He will never make you feel small. He will never make you feel “less than”. He will meet you right where you are and love the stuffin’s out of you. Trust me on this.

You are a child of God. ❤️

“...And who knows but that you have come to your royal position for such a time as this?” Esther 4:14 NIV

Stress + Tired = Attitude

Wed, 24 Oct 2018 01:30:21 -0600

“The tongue can wreak havoc in any relationship.”

What do you get when you mix two tired people working hard to meet a deadline? Well, sometimes you get a snarky remark and an even snarkier comeback. Neither of which are constructive or useful. How many times have I written that the tongue can wreak havoc in a relationship? Yet, there I was…Queen of the Snarky Retort.

I knew right away I didn’t speak life into the situation. And I immediately went to Mr. FixIt and apologized. Sincerely.

While this has been a wonderful time with the wedding and all, it’s also been stressful trying to get everything done and we are both desperately looking forward to our time away.

It’s perfectly normal to have moments of frustration when you’re living in close proximity with another human. How you deal with differences says a lot in how successful your relationship will be. Admitting your weaknesses, asking forgiveness, and praying for guidance goes a long way toward maintaining harmony in the home. If you fight, you need to fight fair.

Mr. FixIt is an extremely easygoing man. He has been understanding when I write every night. He’s a TV watcher. I am a writer. We do our own thing after dinner and reconnect later. That being said, we are about to embark on our honeymoon. And as much as I love you all, and as much as writing is the same as breathing for me, I’ve decided y’all are just going to have to sit this one out. I’m going to schedule a scripture to post everyday while we are gone so you have something to ponder. Please feel free to talk amongst yourselves here on my blog. I love when you all interact and support one another.

I’ll be back on Election Day! ❤️

“In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry,” Ephesians 4:26 NIV

How To Breathe

Tue, 04 Sep 2018 01:30:50 -0600

“Breathing good air after breathing through a wet sponge is such an incredible feeling of health!”

““Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.” Matthew 11:28-29 NIV

When I was a teenager, one of my biggest joys was to make my mom laugh. Mom had a difficult life. She had a son with a developmental disability and a husband who drank too much and was not around. And then...she had me. I wasn’t a bad kid, mind you. But I am convinced I had ADHD and was quite the handful...always into something and using my smart mouth to my disadvantage at every turn. So, when I got old enough to discover I could make her laugh, I did so at every opportunity.

Somewhere along the way, I realized when she laughed hard, she would go into a coughing fit. It’s normal to have some coughing after laughing hard as the nerves that control laughter are the same as those that control coughing. As a clueless teenage, that only added to the mirth, but as an adult, I now realize she had a “reactive airway”…a non-medical term that is kind of a placeholder for asthma that hasn’t been diagnosed.

I have the same thing. It usually doesn’t give me any trouble unless I exercise in the cold, or I get a particularly bad cold and the virus kicks my airway into hyperdrive. I tighten up and cant breathe. I cough till I hear the blood rushing through my ears. Usually, the cough is unproductive, meaning I can’t get anything to come up. There is a whole regimen to follow when this happens, but it has been so long since it’s happened, I forgot what it was. Beside the steroids, which I truly do not like, there are inhalers to use…one that is a rescue inhaler that immediately starts to open up an airway that is locked down in spasms, and the other that carries a steroid that treats the lining of the bronchial tubes and eases the inflammation.

The very best thing to use is Mucinex. I don’t know why I didn’t even think to try that last week. I’ve been taking antihistamines all summer for allergies so my lungs were sort of like wet cement. When I got so sick Friday night, it was like trying to breathe through a wet sponge. Once I got the steroids and breathing treatments and some antibiotics in my, I could breathe again. Then the Mucinex finally kicked in and…well, without getting into gory details, let’s just said there was a lot of clearing out the pipes in my my lungs and I can now breathe much freer.

You do not know how bad you have felt until you feel better. I was telling Mr. FixIt yesterday that this is the first time all summer that I have actually felt like I want to get up and go do something fun. I battled gastritis and other stomach issues since last spring that really put me down. Anything I ate upset my stomach and I constantly had a gnawing pain in the upper area of my abdomen. The happy little side effect of all those medicines they gave me in the hospital seems to be my stomach issues have cleared up. No more pain. No more nausea. And, I ate a cheeseburger for dinner last night and it didn’t kill me!

I share an awful lot of personal stuff here, I know. But I figure if others have some of the same grief symptoms I have and I can help with that, maybe there’s someone out there suffering with the same sort of stomach issues that can see a doctor and get some help. I’m not a doctor and I can’t recommend treatments, but I can share what happened to me and hope it helps others. As Ram Dass says…”We are all just walking each other home.” ❤️

An Army

Fri, 12 Aug 2016 01:30:30 -0600

You guessed it...I used "The Enforcer" on my unwelcome house guests yesterday. It's one step shy of napalm! I sprayed every floor around the periphery then in the center. I kept it closed up overnight. I think I got what few there were in the bathroom from where I danced like a ninja when I found my legs black with the little suckers. Then I went down in the basement for the ultimate test and...those bad boys were STILL doing the Macarena down there. I think I may have decreased the numbers...slightly. That does it...time to call in the pros!!!

Here's where it gets gross. It seems flea eggs can lie dormant for months and then...the VIBRATION from your steps triggers a mass hatching!!! Ewwww!!! He'll be at the farm first thing Monday morning. My instructions are to pick everything up off the floor and vacuum thoroughly before he gets there and take the bag outside to dispose of it. I'll treat the kitties once a month to assure myself they are flea free in case she brings the long haired one in this winter.

In the meantime, I went yesterday and got my hair trimmed, a MUCH NEEDED pedicure, and a very cute pair of little strappy sandals on sale! This is a big weekend...my 45th High School Reunion!!! It's time to party and forget fleas for a while!!!

❤️

“The Lord replied, “My Presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.””
Exodus 33:14 NIV

When the Lights Go Out

Sat, 06 Aug 2016 01:30:05 -0600

Since losing Mr. Virgo, I've always said "Nothing scares me!" The truth of the matter is, "Nothing MUCH scares me!" Something does, though. I'm afraid of the dark. Not the dark of night. No...I'm afraid of what happens when the lights dim and go out in your mind. Someone close to me is having difficulty with that right now. A couple of people, actually. And I have to tell you, that scares the crap out of me. FOR them, of course. For their loved ones who watch them withering away, their minds shutting down like faulty circuit boards on a stormy afternoon. And for me...and the impact it would have on my kids.

What must that feel like? Knowing something isn't right. Forgetting things and knowing it's happening. Feeling out of control, out of touch. I know at some point the disconnect is complete and you're no longer aware. But oh, that twilight time scares me. That...awareness of not knowing. We don't know what our lot in life will be. We can only hope and pray we will face whatever comes with dignity and grace. And trust that God will be there to carry us through.

❤️

“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.”
John 14:27 NIV

The World is my Home

Fri, 05 Aug 2016 01:30:08 -0600

As I was driving all those long hours cross country this week, many friends messaged me to send words of encouragement. My phone has a unique feature where I can ask it to read my messages and to dictate a reply. The dictation feature insists you enunciate clearly and speak slowly. Project! Or else, you end up telling your friend she might have a you're an airy infection. Or you might just sleep in your truck so you don't have to take your cock out of the back. It can get embarrassing. Or at least very funny! Ahhh...the price you pay for safety!

At any rate, I received a message from a second cousin twice removed and he wanted my number. He said we needed to talk. Now, all the way to St. Louis, I was planning to head south toward Tennessee to visit cousins. But the closer I got, I was being drawn to come home. As soon as I called my cousin to say I gave in to the call home, my phone rang. It was the second cousin twice removed informing me my aunt had been taken to the hospital in the afternoon. They weren't sure what was going on, but she had huge blisters on her lower legs and ankles. They drew blood for tests, started her on antibiotics and admitted her. After grabbing a few hours sleep, I went down to the hospital, took one look at her legs and said, "Have you been out rummaging around in that black raspberry patch at the end of the road? She lit up and said, "Oh, my! Those berries were as big as my thumb!" I asked for a piece of paper and wrote down that I thought she had chiggers and her overactive immune response developed the blisters. Then I googled it. Nailed it! The doctor came in and seemed to agree. The thing is, you look at a meek little old lady with a rash and blisters on her ankles and berry picking is not the differential diagnosis. It helps to have a friend or family member along who knows the patient's habits and history.

After I solved the hospital debacle, I ran errands and came back to the river. I was going boating with a friend but the boat wouldn't start so we sat on the boat anyway...all evening, and ate and visited. We still got the motion of the passing boats and we didn't waste the gas. Win-Win!

Sleep is my new best friend!

❤️

“Dear friend, I pray that you may enjoy good health and that all may go well with you, even as your soul is getting along well.”
3 John 1:2 NIV

Mirror, Mirror...

Sat, 09 Jul 2016 01:30:16 -0600

I read this the other day. A woman's idea of hell is an off white dressing room with a harsh fluorescent light overhead. One whole wall is mirror. No, wait....make that THREE walls so you can get all kinds of good angles! And, the tiny little attendant brings you oh-so-cute outfit after oh-so-cute outfit, each a size...maybe two...too small. And she does this for, like....EVER!

I went out yesterday and tried on dresses for my high school reunion. I've had a picture in my mind of what I wanted and what it would look like on me. Let's just say, I have a very VIVID imagination. Even after losing 35 pounds, I STILL don't have the body of a much younger me. As Trainer Paul said, after I walked the Quincy Hill steps NINE times..."Ginny...I hate to burst your bubble. You may FEEL quite young at heart, but your knees are...in fact...chronologically 63 years old." And, so...apparently is my body.

Do I feel bad about it? Oh, maybe I'm a little disappointed that I wasn't more realistic in my expectations. But, you know what? I've lost weight. I'm much more toned. I look pretty darned good. Not "pretty darned good for my age" or "better than a lot of other women". That's comparing and indicates insecurity and a sense of competition, neither of which applies to me.

Other women are not my competition. We're here to lift each other up, not try to outdo each other.

But, still...dressing rooms suck!

❤️

“Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.”
Hebrews 4:16 NIV

Fitness Friday

Thu, 07 Jul 2016 01:30:48 -0600

It's Friday already??? Today, it's all about the fresh fruit. OMGosh...I can't get enough watermelon!!! I'm eating it every day, several times a day. I'm a watermelon junkie. And grapes. And blueberries. I've been throwing a handful of blueberries in my salads. Add some walnuts and kale and avocado and you have a superfood-packed bowl of goodness right there!

If you've been following along the last couple of weeks, you know that I was struggling a bit. Yesterday I had an a-ha moment. I took a good look at my diet and realized, after being gluten free for six months, I binged on shredded wheat of all things! I had it for breakfast every day for a week and I just kept feeling sicker. I didn't have it yesterday and I feel SO much better! The other thing that made a huge difference is where I am in my book. The last two weeks I have been rewriting the first few chapters. That deals exclusively with Mr. Virgo's death. It was killing me to slog through that again, especially since my defenses were down from being sick. Now I'm at the point where I'm writing the fun stories and I feel like the weight of the world is off my shoulders! Last night I went to a concert to hear one of my favorite bands...SHEL. I've seen them three times and they are so wonderful. My older daughter was able to get away for the evening and go with me and we had a lovely evening.

I also got out for a walk yesterday. I've been so freaked out about exercise since I had that experience with altitude sickness. But, I've been here long enough now to be acclimated and walking felt great!

So, there's my Fitness Friday message...eat lots of watermelon, start writing about fun stuff, listen to good music, and take your butt outside for a walk! You're welcome.

❤️

“Worship the Lord your God, and his blessing will be on your food and water. I will take away sickness from among you,”
Exodus 23:25 NIV

Photo Credit: Unsplash

Fitness Friday

Fri, 01 Jul 2016 01:30:43 -0600

I have something really, really remarkable to share with you. Back in November, I shared a photo with you if the crepey "old lady" skin on my arm. I was laying in bed and held my arm up and was SO disheartened at what I saw. Then in February, I tipped the scale at over 200 pounds. My diet was horrible. I was eating tons of sweets, fried foods, fast foods, and processed stuff Trainer Paul refers to as Frankenfood.

I made a conscious decision to change my nutritional intake (notice I didn't use the D-word, as in "diet") and increased my playtime (notice I didn't use the E-word, as in "exercise"). I was concerned about what my skin would look like after losing weight. We've all seen people who lose large amounts of weight and their skin hangs loosely on their now-trim frame, belying the underlying weight loss with folds and wrinkles.

Well, look! Look what healthy nutritional intake and plenty of water has done to my skin! I still use the same amount of lotion. I have been using coconut oil on my skin, so that and clean/green living has changed the appearance of my skin drastically. This is the same section of skin, the same arm, the same camera, and the same time of day and as close to the same lighting as I could get. I even laid down and held my arm over me and shot from below so the gravity pull would be the same. I am stunned. I just noticed it last night as I was driving back from dinner. I couldn't wait to get home and take a picture and find the old one for comparison!!!

I don't go by the scale alone, but I've lost 34.4 pounds. My smaller clothes fit better and that's my go to indicator. I still am not playing here like I was in WV. I went back down in elevation and walked an hour in Omaha on Tuesday. I'll give this altitude another couple of days before I play outside again.

I'm heading to the high country today for the weekend.

❤️

Balance

Sun, 26 Jun 2016 01:30:04 -0600

A dear friend sent me a message yesterday in reference to the Roller Coaster post. She has studied Ayurveda, a 5,000 year old system of medical care with roots in India. It is based on maintaining balance between body, mind, and spirit. According to the Chopra Center, "Recognizing that human beings are part of nature, Ayurveda describes three fundamental energies that govern our inner and outer environments: movement, transformation, and structure. Known in Sanskrit as Vata (Wind), Pitta (Fire), and Kapha (Earth), these primary forces are responsible for the characteristics of our mind and body." If one or more of these energies get out of balance, it can be a huge instigator of anxiety. With travel, heat, altitude, emotional upheaval surrounding illness in the family and missing my man...it's no wonder I felt ungrounded.

Everything in the world is made of energy. We are affected by energy, both internal and external. When something gets too excited, it causes a response somewhere else...because, energy cannot be created or destroyed. Achieving balance while grieving is a monumental task as I'm sure you've found. It doesn't take much to send all those rocks tumbling at your feet.
I spent the day yesterday writing my book proposal. It's a zen activity for me to write. I get centered. I meditate. I pray. Then I get in the zone and let it flow. For some reason, the flow is easy this week and I can get so much done. I have to be in the right creative space to write. I found my balance yesterday.

Today, we're heading out on a road trip to the Olympic Trials. My oldest and her oldest are attending. Her youngest and I are hanging out by the pool!!! It will be a lovely trip with my beloveds.

Balance. It's all about balance.

❤️

“I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.”
Philippians 4:11 NIV

Roller Coaster

Fri, 24 Jun 2016 01:30:55 -0600

This photo makes me ill when I think of the grief version. I've been riding this thing for over a week. I'm trying to get a handle on why this time is harder and I think I pretty much have it figured out. First is this wicked heat and altitude. Second is trying to stay hydrated. Those things bring down my defenses. Then....I'm in Colorado. Mr. Virgo is around every corner here.

I haven't struggled for this long since the second year. I'm trying to remember all the things I tell you...all the suggestions. I try to remind myself that, yes I write about grief all the time....but I'm grieving, too. Two different things. The worst part for me this time has been the unpredictability of it. I make plans thinking I'm going to be fine, and maybe I am. But, maybe I'm not when the time comes to do something. I could force myself or I can take care of myself. If I choose self care then I disappoint my young grandchildren.

I hate this part. It's so unfair. I hate disappointing my family. I hate the anxiety. I hate the churning stomach. But...if I focus on that, I actually create more of it. I'm used to recovering at my own pace. Now I have other people's schedules and activities to take into consideration. So, I'm going to change tactics. Instead of committing ahead of time to planned activities, I'm going to say "I would love to do that if I am feeling up to it at the time. I'm sure you will understand if I am unable to attend. I'm still dealing with loss and sometimes things are really easy, but sometimes they aren't and I don't want to cause disappointment."

I understand it is frustrating for my kids and grandkids. But I would be remiss if I didn't demonstrate good self care. All I can do is my best. Surely I'll acclimate to this before too long.

As far as Fitness Friday goes, I have been unable to exercise for a week and that has added to my frustration. However, the scale shows I've lost 31.4 pounds since 2/28/16. I'll be back on track soon.

❤️

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”
Isaiah 41:10 NIV

Eat Colorfully

Tue, 21 Jun 2016 01:30:43 -0600

Several of you have wondered what I'm doing to lose this weight. What's my secret? What am I doing to tighten up those abs or tone those arms? So, I'll do my best to give you an overview and make it as simple as possible, because face it....no one wants to follow a complicated diet and fitness program, right?

Many years ago, I worked for an "old school" doctor who took me under his wing and taught me a lot. His diet was so simple.

1. No bread
2. No potatoes
3. No sweets
4. No seconds

Seriously, if you do those things, you're just about guaranteed to lose weight. Then I met Trainer Paul in February and he gave me his dietary plan. It's great. I worked with it and this is pretty much what I do.

First, I cut out gluten in the form of bread and pasta. I don't read labels to look for gluten because I don't buy stuff with labels. I don't eat out of a box or can if I can help it. No processed foods. I cut out sugar...period. And, I cut out diet sodas. I stopped all artificial sweeteners and use Stevia, a plant based sweetener.

I eat a Greek yogurt with fresh berries, two tablespoons of gluten free granola and two of ground flax seeds for breakfast. Maybe twice a month I'll have a cheese omelet instead.

For lunch, I have a salad with as many different veggies and fruits as I can get in it. For protein I'll either have chicken or quinoa or salmon on it. If I haven't had that omelet for a few days, I might have eggs and cheese in the salad. I use whatever salad dressing I like, on the side, and dip each bite in it for taste. You'd be surprised how little dressing you'll actually eat.

I might grab fruit mid afternoon or maybe a little cheese. Watermelon has been my go to lately because it's been so hot out. I've been enjoying yellow rind muenster of late. Nice nutty flavor.

For dinner, fish is my favorite. I try to only use wild caught but I'm not all that picky. I will not eat tilapia. I make a fabulous curried salmon...just ask Trainer Paul! I don't eat white potatoes but I do eat sweet potatoes. I also love quinoa, again for the protein and because you can dress it up with mushrooms, onions, etc. and get a really savory side dish. Spring had me eating a boatload of asparagus. I love summer and zucchini squash, green beans, caprese salad with tomatoes, fresh mozzarella and basil. Once or twice a month I have gluten free pasta with spaghetti sauce. I like grass fed bison and eat that in my sauce.

I don't count calories. Period. I am acutely aware of what I eat and mentally keep track. You know when you're overdoing it. I don't weigh myself every day. Muscle weighs more than fat. While I weigh around 170, my muscle tone has me looking much more trim than I did the last time I weighed 150.

I try to eat superfoods every day.

Blueberries
Pomegranate
Walnuts
Kale
Green Tea
Coffee
Asparagus
Avocado
Sweet Potatoes
Greek Yogurt
Wild Caught Alaskan
Salmon
Basil
Thyme
Dark Chocolate! (72% or higher)
Garlic
Olive Oil

I use real butter. Not a lot of it, but when I need butter, I use the real stuff.

Sweet potatoes, fruit, or a square of dark chocolate satisfies my sweet tooth. I don't crave anything. Ever.

I don't drink alcohol. I do have one non-alcohol beer or one glass of de-alcoholized wine just about every night. I drink a lot of water but still not enough I'm sure. I have nonfat milk in my latte when I buy one and I always drink half and half in my coffee. I drink Spark from Advocare or Powerade Zero when I play hard outside in the heat.

The word "exercise" is seldom in my vocabulary. I go outside and play as often as I can. I really like to walk and climb stairs. I love to ride my bike long distances. And I REALLY love paddling my kayak! I like to play pickleball but haven't this year. I try to use my resistance bands and weights for upper body toning. I just started doing planks...or as my friend Ryb calls it, water boarding. lol

That's pretty much it. I did jumpstart my weight loss with the Advocare 24 Day challenge but I am NOT spamming you on that. Just telling you I used it. It included a 10 day colon cleanse. It's amazing the junk we carry around with us. That prepared my gut to absorb the nutrients in this great food I'm eating and you are seldom hungry when your body is actually getting fed.

As with all diet and exercise programs, check with your healthcare provider to see if you are healthy enough to exercise. Enjoy your summer and get out there and play if you are able!!!

❤️

“Then God said, “I give you every seed-bearing plant on the face of the whole earth and every tree that has fruit with seed in it. They will be yours for food.”
Genesis 1:29 NIV

Fitness Friday

Fri, 17 Jun 2016 01:30:32 -0600

It's not as easy to follow a fitness program when you're traveling. You have to plan ahead and make working out a real priority. Eating choices can be difficult when you visit people whose diet does not closely match yours. I am fortunate to have supportive friends and family who are very accommodating when I travel. I have my bike, weights, kayak, and walking shoes with me at all times. I have a number of people I can call at a moment's notice to exercise with. Fortunately, it's salad season and my brother/friend has fixed some wonderful healthy food. Yesterday I called a friend and caught her just before she left town. She was happy to walk three miles with me before she took off! I'll be doing a lot of walking this weekend so I'm feeling pretty good about my ability to stay on track.

I was thrilled to get a message yesterday from a fellow "Rancher" who lives in town. We met for coffee and as soon as I saw her, I knew I'd met her before. Turns out she taught in the kinder garden class next door to my youngest's classroom. Ann...it was a delight to spend a couple hours catching up! What a treat it is to meet my readers!!!

❤️

“that is, that you and I may be mutually encouraged by each other’s faith.”
Romans 1:12 NIV

Be Present

Thu, 02 Jun 2016 01:30:24 -0600

I walked into Panera yesterday for a late lunch after walking the "Steps of Death" NINE times! I was starving by 2:00! And their super yummy Green Goddess salad is only 520 calories for the whole size. A bargain after burning off a couple thousand calories on Parkersburg's Stairmaster.

I placed my order and was looking for a booth to wait for the pager to go off. I passed a couple "having lunch" together. I use "having lunch" loosely because there WAS food on the table and they WERE sitting together. But they might as well have been on separate planets because each had their noses pressed to a flat screen. Now, I'll be the first to admit that I have been guilty of looking at my phone while dining. But it really hits home when I see a couple living parallel lives, especially now. I'd give anything to have lunch with Mr. Virgo again. And I can promise you, I would NOT be looking at a phone screen when I could be looking into those beautiful blue eyes.
Mr. Virgo did his PhD thesis on the lost art of dining. And that was before smart phones. Dining and conversation were huge things for him.

Please...pay attention to your dining partner. Put your phone away and be present. There will come a day when you'll be terribly glad you did...trust me on this.

❤️

Hope

Wed, 25 May 2016 01:30:00 -0600

There was a time in this journey when I had no hope whatsoever. I forgot Who loved me...Who had my back, always. I could see nothing past the next tortuous hour. Nothing but tears and pain...anger and frustration. Day after never-freaking-ending day. Anyone who says we do not experience hell on earth has never walked the path of grief.

Yesterday was a reminder of how beautiful life can get once the flames of this journey die down and you're left wearing a shiny new coat of armor. I was vacillating a bit yesterday morning...write, which needs doing, or exercise, which MUST be done, no options. My trainer dude, Paul is out of town and it would be a little easier to slide by without working out. But then, in his ever vigilant way, he texted with his cheerful "So...you Q-stepping today?" Ummmmm, yes! I was just on my way out the door. Don't tell him I was actually sitting with my coffee in the sunroom still debating. His texts are all I need to remind me how important I am....to ME. To the future ME. To those who love me. I laced up those shoes and jumped in my truck! Off to the steps.

I decided to shoot for SIX. The good people putting on the International Conference on Positive Aging had asked me to create a little video promoting my talk in August. Instead of getting all foofy and filming myself talking, I filmed the steps as I climbed and talked about Mr. Virgo and turning into the PopTart Queen and how this is my year to thrive. Why talk about positive aging when you can show what it looks like?

No amount of comfort food can beat what fitness feels like! I am filled with hope for the future now. Please, please grieve with hope because it will not be this painful forever. It gets better.

❤️

Addendum: I felt so good after writing this, I did two more. 8x175 steps! Then off for a big salad and a well deserved pedicure!

“Brothers and sisters, we do not want you to be uninformed about those who sleep in death, so that you do not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope. For we believe that Jesus died and rose again, and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him.”
1 Thessalonians 4:13-14 NIV

Motivation Monday - 27 Pounds Down

Mon, 23 May 2016 01:30:27 -0600

My relationship with food has changed. I've been a yoyo dieter all my life. I've been lazy and eaten everything that isn't nailed down. I've stuffed my emotions down with ice cream and chips and cookies and...and...and! The list goes on and on. I've felt how good thin feels only to wind up heavier than I was before. I've stood in front of a mirror and loathed my tummy and thighs and upper arms. I've resigned myself to accept where I am and that's just the way it is. I've told myself I'll always be fat. But, listen to me...I've changed my thinking. Yesterday morning everything became clear for the very first time in my life. Please indulge me as I share my Pastor's message of the day.

Pastor Justin spoke of Jesus healing the crippled woman in the Synagogue. She was bent forward, walking for 18 years, looking down at the dirt. She was an outcast because she was disfigured...she was different. Jesus called her to the center of the Synagogue and told her to stand straight and tall. And, she did so. There was an ensuing argument as to whether it was appropriate to heal on the Sabbath and Jesus scolded the priests saying all services should be to the betterment of the people, no matter the circumstances.

We all have disabilities. Some are quite obvious and are seen by the world. Others are hidden and carried throughout our lives, often under an umbrella of guilt and shame. The fact that the woman was bent over looking at the dirt is symbolic of someone without hope. Someone living under the impression that things will be like this forever. Internal disabilities can manifest in many ways. Addiction. Anger. Abuse. Self-indulgence in eating, spending, sleeping. All of these things display a mark of injury to the psyche by one source or another.

I was sexually abused by two different men by the time I was 13. My father was a verbally and emotionally abusive alcoholic. I married too young. I had a husband whose love language was so far removed from mine that I withered on the vine. I made extremely poor choices. I was bent over, seeing no way out. I stood tall once I accepted Christ in my life. And Mr. Virgo nurtured my newfound stature, reinforcing my worth and value...as a wife, as a mother, and as a human being. Then he died. And my resolve slipped. Not my faith, but my resolve, my ability to remember I am a beloved child of God. The weight of grief bent me back down into that all too familiar posture where I saw only my feet. And I fell back into old patterns of coping. I ate irresponsibly and ballooned to tip the scale at over 200 pounds early this year.

I am fortunate to have recognized what I was doing and made the decision to thrive this fourth year after losing Mr. Virgo. But what's to keep me from slipping again? The parable of the crippled woman who was healed by Jesus, that's what. He touched her. As He has touched me. I won't bend over again. I will stand up tall, straighten my crown, and remember Whose child I am. Am I still broken? Of course...we all are. But I no longer need to carry the weight of my burdens. As the tattoo on my wrist reminds me, my burdens are as light as a feather because God carries them for me.

❤️

“On a Sabbath Jesus was teaching in one of the synagogues, and a woman was there who had been crippled by a spirit for eighteen years. She was bent over and could not straighten up at all. When Jesus saw her, he called her forward and said to her, “Woman, you are set free from your infirmity.” Then he put his hands on her, and immediately she straightened up and praised God. Indignant because Jesus had healed on the Sabbath, the synagogue leader said to the people, “There are six days for work. So come and be healed on those days, not on the Sabbath.” The Lord answered him, “You hypocrites! Doesn’t each of you on the Sabbath untie your ox or donkey from the stall and lead it out to give it water? Then should not this woman, a daughter of Abraham, whom Satan has kept bound for eighteen long years, be set free on the Sabbath day from what bound her?” When he said this, all his opponents were humiliated, but the people were delighted with all the wonderful things he was doing.”
Luke 13:10-17 NIV

Fitness Friday

Fri, 06 May 2016 01:30:58 -0600

I've said this before but, fitness isn't just about the scale. Your interpersonal relationships are as important to your wellbeing as eating right and going outside to play. How you interact with other people can influence your mood and subsequently your food choices. Stress eating is a problem for a lot of people. Who hasn't consoled themselves with Haagen Daz at one point or another? Once isn't a problem. Making it a habit is.

I had to break up with Ben and Jerry and that wasn't easy. I've been eating well for two months now so if I went off the deep end and binged on junk foods, I'd certainly pay for it. I go to the grocery store and circle the perimeter now. That's where all the healthy food is located. The rest is made up of Frankenfood, for a lack of a better term. Overly processed foods offer very little in the way of nourishment.

I don't mean to come across preachy. I am on a crusade for longevity. I have seen firsthand what poor diet can do. I watched my husband die of a heart attack. Mr. Virgo had a lot of calcification in his arteries. Bad genes...perhaps. But bad food choices and smoking were a deadly combo. My experience as a Diabetes Educator leads me to these conclusions, though admittedly I'm not an expert in the field of medicine. I want all of us to be around to celebrate the anniversaries to come.

❤️

“Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.”
1 Corinthians 6:19-20 NIV

Lessons

Mon, 02 May 2016 01:30:49 -0600

I've been working with a trainer the last two months. We exercise together four or five times a week. Anyone who exercises knows it's a whole lot easier when you're with someone. There's not only the accountability factor, but the motivation and encouraging comments that come with having an exercise partner is priceless.

It's important when you exercise to stay in breath so you are aerobic...your muscles getting the oxygen they need. One way of assuring that is to carry on a conversation. If you can't talk more than a few words with all the huffing and puffing, you should really slow down the pace a little. Imagine my delight when I can exercise AND carry on a conversation. It helped make the activity much more pleasant.

And now my trainer, who has become my good friend, is moving on to his next adventure. I am so happy for him, but selfishly I will miss his encouraging words and fun conversation. He has taught me many things. I'm not invisible. Everything we do in life should come from a place of love...for others, for ourselves, for the planet, and for God. Our bodies are machines that need the proper fuel in order to function properly. And, I'm probably not drinking enough water.

Now comes the hard part. Now I have to stay motivated to get out there and keep exercising at the same level of intensity. I can do this but it will be an adjustment. I hate goodbyes so I'll just say "See ya later, my friend. Thanks for believing I could make the changes I needed to get healthy."

❤️

“The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make his face shine on you and be gracious to you; the Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace.”
Numbers 6:24-26 NIV

TOW-Wanda!

Wed, 27 Apr 2016 01:30:41 -0600

Oh, I'm so excited! I've been sleeping in TOW-Wanda since Sunday night and I can't tell you how happy this makes me. I have missed my cozy little "tiny home on wheels"! I love my memory foam mattress and my 800 count sheets. I love feeling like I'm living outdoors. I'm cleaning her up as I go. I should have done that in the fall but I camped so late in the season it was really cold when I parked her. Actually, it was kind of nice sweeping up the sand from Myrtle Beach and remembering such a great trip.

I need to vacate the modular I've been staying in by Saturday so I've really been organizing the contents of the camper and downsizing even more. I can't believe how much junk I have still! The weather has been stormy so it's perfect for staying inside and getting stuff done.

I'm starting my travel plans for the year which always gets me itching to be on the road. I'm camping with the GirlCampers in mid-May and can't wait for that! Our first WV camping trip and I'm excited to show off my home state. I'm planning on hanging out here in WV till towards the end of June this year so I'm going to get out on the river to kayak as much as possible. My exercise has me fit enough to hike and bike longer distances which makes for fun playtime outside. I try to fill each day with joy, fun, work, and time to feed my soul. This keeps me balanced and healthy...a worthy goal for us all.

❤️

“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens:
a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away,”
Ecclesiastes 3:1, 6 NIV

Fitness Friday

Fri, 22 Apr 2016 01:30:18 -0600

I cannot believe a week has passed already! Time literally crawls from January to March. We hit April and it's like cresting the apex of a roller coaster...suddenly screaming down the rails toward September at break neck speeds. And it's just been a crazy week. I haven't worked out nearly as much as I've wanted to this week. My attention has been divided. Taxes took five times longer than it should have because of computer issues (ok, operator issues). Then I had to catch up with the blogs I write for, other than my own...the Sisters on the Fly Blog and The Local Coffeehouse Locator Blog. Once that was done, I gathered my notes for a podcast episode on GirlCamper. It'll be my first as a Correspondent and I'll be talking about camping in Colorado. I'm very excited about that! I'll give you a link when it goes live.

So, here it is...Fitness Friday. With only two workouts under my belt this week, this is an excellent time to talk about what to do when life gets in the way of going outside to play, aka exercise. The number one thing to remember is, you don't have to quit just because you got off track a little. There's an old saying...It doesn't matter how far you've gone down the wrong road, just turn around. It's just a bump in the road. I have a workout scheduled with my trainer, Paul today. We're going hiking on trails today climbing hills in the woods. It will offer me a different view. Being a Gemini, I get easily bored and need to change up my workout routines to keep it interesting. I even took two semesters of geology once so I could have something different to look at during my hikes in Colorado. That's pretty extreme!

I did go out this week and buy a bathroom scale. I don't normally weigh myself, but I want to keep track and move in the right direction since I'm documenting this fitness journey. The good news is, yesterday I officially hit 20 pounds lost! The bad news is, that just about puts me where I was this time last year. But hey...remember that path? Well, I turned around...and so can you! There are several Ranchers who have kicked their activity up a notch. How are you all doing?

❤️

“No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.”
1 Corinthians 10:13 NIV

Fitness Friday

Fri, 15 Apr 2016 01:30:55 -0600

Fitness isn't all about the sweat. It isn't all about the food. It isn't all about meditation and centering prayer. Sometimes it's about rewarding your little piggies for carrying you around for nearly 63 years. I don't splurge on clothes anymore. I don't color my hair. I don't have acrylic nails. I don't get facials. I don't get massages, although I miss those tremendously.

I do get a pedi every other month or so...usually only in the summer during sandal season. If you get them at a beauty academy, you could get a whole summer's worth for a hundred bucks. If that's a strain on your budget, a do it yourself mini spa treatment at home is quite doable. When my toes are pink, I feel like a million bucks!

And speaking of being real, don't you get a little tired of seeing those ads and commercials with the teeny tiny models exercising? I mean, really...real women have curves. We have a little jiggle, even when we're fit. If we have given life to little human beings, that process changed our bodies, as well as our lives, forever. I have stretch marks and surgical scars and wrinkles and folds. I'm real. This video has been around before but I stumbled upon it again and wanted to share it with you today. Don't stop. Keep moving 'cause when you stop is when you get old and that's the beginning of the end.

Positive aging. DO that!

You GO Girl!

❤️

“A peaceful heart leads to a healthy body; jealousy is like cancer in the bones.” Proverbs 14:30 NLT

Fitness Friday

Fri, 08 Apr 2016 01:30:43 -0600

Balance. There are many things we need to balance in life. Work and play. Family and jobs. Kids and finances. Exercise and food. I once worked for an old school Doctor. He carefully explained his diet to every patient. And it was SO simple.

No bread.
No potatoes.
No desserts.
No second helpings (w/ reasonable portion sizes).

He reminded his patients..."The last bite does not taste any better than the first one did. Stop testing that theory."

He told them "If you eat one calorie less than you burn off, you will lose weight. But it's going to take a heck of a long time to do it. Do yourself a favor and widen the gap."

I loved that guy. Everything was very simple with him.

I hate the word "diet". It is synonymous with "deprivation". I prefer "nourish". We know full well what is nourishing to our bodies. I ate four boxes of Hagen Daz ice cream bars (10/box!!!) between Thanksgiving and Valentine's Day, I am embarrassed to admit. We won't even talk about the Pop-Tarts. I was sequestered, writing, watching the snow fall, depressed with winter, bored. I knew what I was doing but I did it anyway. And now I'm paying for it.

We develop habits and addictions. We soothe and comfort and reward and punish with one of the most important things our body needs to survive. We should love our body back to health. We should apologize to it for neglecting it. We should nurture it back to health. Change is difficult. We don't like change. But let me tell you something. We can change it now...or the nutritionist is going to change it for us in coronary care.

It's not too late. You're not too old, or too fat, or too far gone. One thing. Change just one thing. Add fruit instead of pie. Put the salad dressing on the side and just dip the edge of each bite in it for flavor. Try sprinkling a little nutritional yeast over your veggies instead of cheese. Then it will be easier to change two.

If I can stop eating ice cream, so can you! I love you guys. I want you to be healthy. This was dinner last night. Yellow fin tuna, quinoa, cucumber salad, fruit salad, roasted crinkle cut squash with snow peas and red peppers. That was a boatload of food and I couldn't finish the whole thing. And there's not a ton of calories. I don't count calories. I don't weigh and measure. I follow Dr. Huttner's diet plan and drink lots of water and it always works for me.

My posts are never intended as medical advice. I just tell you what I do. Always ask your healthcare professional before starting an exercise program or making major dietary changes.

❤️

***Don't forget to check in Monday for something B-I-G!***

What could it be?

“So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.”
1 Corinthians 10:31 NIV

Cheerleader

Thu, 07 Apr 2016 01:30:41 -0600

I'm your biggest fan. I'm the cheerleader that wants to rocket my team into first place. I think it is our moral obligation to build each other up, to nurture each other. To applaud the triumphs. To give a hand up after a fall. To help you dust off and get back out there.

Pollyanna. Yep, that's me. But not in a vapid way. I just want to see you succeed! I want you to be your best YOU. I want to encourage you. Why? Because....you are awesome! Inside you is a uniquely beautiful individual. You have capabilities you haven't even thought of yet. You have talents the world needs. You're smart, and funny, and kind. You've had experiences that have knocked off some of your rough edges. You've had wounds that cut deep...but still you got up and did what had to be done. You are brave! You are strong!! You are a fierce Warrior Princess in the face of your own weakness!!!

Be proud of who you are. Be proud of your accomplishments. Be brave enough to change those things that need changing. Be strong enough to stand up and be counted! Be BOLD!

***There's something BIG happening! Stay tuned....it's coming Monday!!!***

❤️

“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.”
Philippians 4:8-9 NIV

Ideas

Sat, 02 Apr 2016 01:30:54 -0600

Uh-oh...I'm getting ideas. I'm seeing major results from my fitness regime and its giving me ideas. I'm beginning to see myself as capable of doing really cool things. Things I never dreamed I'd even consider doing. Like...hike the Appalachian Trail. And the Colorado Trail. Like...climbing the steps to the top of the Eiffel Tower. Like....riding my bike....really far.
I'm beginning to see possibilities.

I want to do exciting things before I die. Time to adjust my bucket list!

❤️

“You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised.”
Hebrews 10:36 NIV

Into the Light

Thu, 31 Mar 2016 01:30:16 -0600

This is the time of year, even with the fluctuations in the weather...the psychotic battle between sunny/warmth and dismal/chill...I come alive. I've said this before and it is so true. I feel like a prisoner must feel when the jailer says, "You're free to go. It was all a terrible misunderstanding." I want to run headlong into the heat of a summer day putting miles between us....you know, in case they change their minds and want to lock me back up.

I know it's all an issue of mind over matter. I mean, if it wasn't, how on earth could people survive in the far north? I'm hoping I can get a handle on it next winter because I'm planning on being fit. Maybe that will give me impetus to get outside and play more. Keeping active does make time pass more quickly. And makes life more fun!

In the meantime, I will enjoy this lovely spring weather. The flowering trees are in full bloom. The spring flowers are in their second wave. The peepers are calling from across the fields. The neighbor mowed the field yesterday. My utility bill was a full third less. The river is calling me but the water is not quite warm enough to kayak.

Soon, love...very soon. Patience.

❤️

“And God said, Let there be light: and there was light. And God saw the light, that it was good: and God divided the light from the darkness. And God called the light Day, and the darkness he called Night. And the evening and the morning were the first day.”
Genesis 1:3-5 KJV

Carry Me Onward

Wed, 30 Mar 2016 01:30:07 -0600

My legs will be 63 in 10 weeks. They've carried me a long way, these gams of mine. A month ago I got winded climbing one flight of stairs. That was alarming. I have a lifestyle that demands a certain level of fitness if I want to keep it up. Yesterday, I walked uphill and pulled my personal best time in 3K. Then I went and walked the Quincy steps again. It was still a struggle, but every time I do something physical, it's a little easier than the last time.

Mr. Virgo wasn't into fitness. He was into survival. He walked 12-16 hours a day, 5 days a week. Sometimes 6 or 7 days a week. The last thing in the world he wanted to do was work out. And I was perfectly happy to sit at home, eat like a truck driver and keep gaining weight. Oh, seriously...I wasn't huge. But I was unhealthy. I have another week before I take my "after" photos of the 24 Day Challenge with Advocare. I'm sure looking forward to it because I can feel the difference...not only in the way my clothes fit but also in my mood and my energy level.

We owe it to ourselves to be as healthy as we can be. It makes us more fun and interesting to be around. And it makes our life more interesting to ourselves. Today, I'm working upper body and giving my legs a break. Towanda!

❤️

“She dresses herself with strength and makes her arms strong.”
Proverbs 31:17 ESV

The Challenge

Sun, 27 Mar 2016 01:30:11 -0600

I had the most delightful day yesterday. A friend came over early and we attempted to exercise. She has access to exercise videos online and we thought, "Hey, let's do an easy yoga class!" Yeah, right. We got to the "plank" and I yelled "I hate you!" at the computer screen and we both collapsed on the floor laughing. Ok, let's try stretching. Yep, we could stretch with the best of them!

We then went to our trainer/friend's house for lunch. After lunch, we headed to Quincy Hill to "do the steps". This is nature's Stairmaster workout. OMGosh! I ran down....easy peasy. I got about 2/3 back up and I was seriously sucking wind! My strength is SO much better but we really need to work on the cardio! Rachel and Paul did a second set down and back but the air was just cool enough to set off my asthma so I elected to use my inhaler and stay behind. I'm getting there though. Each week I see an improvement and man, I can feel the difference already! And SEE it, too!

I also did something last night that I absolutely LOVE to do and haven't done for decades. I hosted a dinner party. The only people I've ever entertained in the past 15 years or so have been family. This was absolutely delightful! Dinner was perfect. The company was perfect. The weather was perfect. Two of the four of us play guitar and Rachel sings beautifully. We harmonized well on a number of tunes. Singing is something I've always loved to do and haven't for more years than I can count.

My life is blossoming like a well tended garden. God's love is raining down over me in abundance and I am ever so grateful! I want to wish you all a most blessed Easter. May you have every opportunity to reflect on the beauty of the day.

❤️

“A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity.”
Proverbs 17:17 NIV

Fitness Friday

Fri, 25 Mar 2016 01:30:00 -0600

This was a really good week. I worked out hard enough to see results but not so hard as to burn out or cause injury. I listened to my body and took a day off when I needed to. It's a delicate balance between pushing yourself and knowing when to back off. AND...making yourself keep going. I can get lazy if I take a day off because then I think maybe two would be better and before you know it, I'm back to square one.

I am eating healthier than I have in years. Good, healthy salads with superfoods...i.e. dark green, leafy veggies, craisins, walnuts, avocado, EVO. Yummy stuff! I've discovered the joys of quinoa. It's a tiny grain that's packed with protein. I toast it a bit in the skillet, add veggie broth and cook till it's light and fluffy then I add a variety of sautéed veggies.

My weakness is sweets. I came up with a great recipe yesterday. Sweet potatoes are a complex carbohydrate and they are packed full of fiber and vitamins. I usually bake six at a time and have one with dinner. I add a little butter, a few chopped walnuts and a little drizzle of agave syrup. Delicious! I'm having a dinner party tomorrow night and I want to serve a healthy dessert so I played around with a couple of the leftover baked sweet potatoes. OMGosh! This is SO good! You hardly miss having a crust. If you try it, let me know how it worked for you. I've only made it the once but it was super easy and came out great.

Crustless Mini Sweet Potato Pies

2 leftover baked sweet potatoes, medium sized
4 eggs, beaten
1 tsp. Vanilla
1 tsp. Pumpkin Pie Spice
1-2 tbsp. Agave Syrup
1/4 tsp. Salt
1/4 c. Chopped Walnuts

Preheat oven to 350°F.

Peel cold baked sweet potatoes and mash in a bowl with a fork. In a separate bowl, whisk eggs till frothy. Add vanilla, pumpkin pie spice, agave syrup, and salt. Mix well and combine with mashed sweet potatoes. Beat till a smooth consistency.

Spray a muffin pan with Pam Baking Spray. Fill each muffin cup to the top and sprinkle each with a few walnut pieces. Bake any extra mixture in a coffee mug.

Place muffin pan on a cookie sheet and bake on the middle rack of a 350° preheated oven for 30-35 minutes or until set.

Yield: 6 individual servings plus a little extra, depending on the size of the sweet potatoes.

Calories: 143 per serving

❤️

“Dear friend, I pray that you may enjoy good health and that all may go well with you, even as your soul is getting along well.”
3 John 1:2 NIV

Self Worth

Thu, 24 Mar 2016 01:30:20 -0600

Repeat after me, "I am worthy of _________." Fill in the blank with whatever comes to your mind. If we spoke to others the way we speak to ourselves, we wouldn't be long for this world, I imagine. We are bullies. We beat ourselves up WAY too often. And yes, I'm talking to you, Ms. Sixty-Something who says you're past all that now. You know deep down, there's still that nagging little witch who's been there since you were 12. You can't fool me. Now, maybe you've toned her down 1000% and that's great. I know I have. But she still pipes up every once in awhile with something totally inappropriate.

I'm doing this free 21 day meditation series with Deepak Chopra and Oprah on "Shedding Weight". I was pleasantly surprised when it began with something far removed from the bathroom scale. It began with something you cannot measure...ridding yourself of toxic relationships. Believe it or not, if someone makes you feel bad about yourself, you can release that person from your life. If you do not, and you make yourself miserable, that is a choice. And then you proceed to beat yourself up even more because you don't make the break. Are you not worthy of emotional freedom? It's a vicious cycle, this. Break free!

I am of the thought that before you break away, you should exhaust every avenue at making a friendship equal. But if you've tried everything, you do have permission to take care of yourself.

The meditation series goes on to talk about bad memories that we carry around with us like dragging bags of garbage behind us every single day. If you are holding onto the way your ex treated you years ago (OK, I have been guilty of this) you are not living in the present moment. If you are worrying about something that may or may not happen in the future that is beyond your control anyway, you are not living your life...here, now. When you focus on this very moment, then the past thing isn't really here anymore. It's a memory...a story we tell. To others. To ourselves. It is gone. It is done. Let it go. And the future is entirely unpredictable. Don't try to live there. It's like trying to stand on a bowling ball. Plan as best you can, and let it go. I know...easier said than done. But being still and listening for God's whispers keep you grounded... here. This is the only moment there is.

When we think ourselves unworthy, we have raped our own hearts. God loves us. He didn't create junk. He created unbelievably beautiful creatures in His image. Of COURSE you are worthy! Remember Whose child you are! Straighten that crown, darling...and hold your head high!!!

Repeat after me..."I am worthy!"

❤️

“What good will it be for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul? Or what can anyone give in exchange for their soul?”
Matthew 16:26 NIV

Fitness Friday

Fri, 18 Mar 2016 01:30:25 -0600

Just a very brief stop to encourage you to participate in Fitness Friday! I've been hiking and walking, weights, resistance bands, taking steps two at a time, lunge walking, squats, and ran down and back up 242 steps at Blackwater Falls. I carried a 5 pound weight with me in the car and worked my upper body as I drove the straight stretches. (I wouldn't recommend this on the turns.) While I was on cruise control, I tightened my tummy muscles and marched my legs up and down. You can fit movement in anywhere...and I guarantee it will make you feel better!

What are you doing for YOUR self this Fitness Friday?

Taking a Break

Wed, 16 Mar 2016 01:30:49 -0600

I realized the other day how much I enjoy social media. "Enjoy" is a kind way of saying I cannot unhook from my phone, iPad, and laptop. Cannot. The thought sends feelings of dread through me. What if someone needs me? What if I miss something? What will they think if I don't write back in a timely fashion? What if they just came on board...will they stay if they're met with this "Declaration of Independence"? It's ridiculous. But it's so true. It has contributed to my sedentary lifestyle and subsequent weight gain. In keeping with my new "Strive to Thrive" message, I'm unplugging till Monday, March 21st. Not absolutely unplugging like...locking my phone in the car. I have a brother with a developmental disability that I need to be available for. So, I vow to check my phone once in the morning and once in the evening for the next six days!

See you Monday!

❤️

“The apostles gathered around Jesus and reported to him all they had done and taught. Then, because so many people were coming and going that they did not even have a chance to eat, he said to them, “Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest.” So they went away by themselves in a boat to a solitary place.”
Mark 6:30-32 NIV

The Aftermath

Sun, 13 Mar 2016 01:30:07 -0600

I was up before dawn yesterday. The house was still. Always still. The stillness doesn't make me sad anymore. As a matter of fact...I pay it no mind. I padded to the kitchen and turned on the burner to warm my new favorite beverage...chaga tea. It hasn't completely replaced coffee as my morning beverage of choice, but it's getting close. I mixed a small handful of fresh blueberries, walnuts, and high protein granola into a couple tablespoons of yoghurt and drizzled a little agave syrup over it. I stood in the half light watching a tugboat push barges slowly upriver, sipping my tea and enjoying the fact the linoleum is no longer freezing under my bare feet.

Once I put away the breakfast dishes, I dressed for biking and left to fill the truck with gas and went to pick up a friend. We drove over to Athens, Ohio to the Farmer's Market. I bought a big bag of assorted organic greens and sweet potatoes, some tabouli (awful), couscous (yummy), and hummus (haven't tasted it yet). Then we headed for the bike path. We rode 16 miles, double what we did on Wednesday. It felt great! I got a little numb in my hands and feet. And my "sitter". But that will get better in time.

After our ride, we went to a really good restaurant. Casa Nuevo. It is employee owned. The tip is factored into the price of your meal and if you choose to leave extra, it goes to a charity. Good, clean food, vegetarian and gluten free. I had taco salad which was wonderful.

I came home and lit my propane campfire and watched the river for a bit. I got a text from another friend and we met for dinner and drinks and watched the WVU game. Then I came home to a quiet, peaceful house...alone. And that was ok. I want to thank you all for your blessings and prayers that my day go well. It really did.

And so begins the 4th year...the Year of Fitness. My word of the year is THRIVE!

I leave you with this...in memory of my sweet, handsome man.

❤️

“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.”
John 14:27 NIV

Fitness Friday

Fri, 11 Mar 2016 02:30:00 -0600

In evaluating where I am in my grief journey, I have come to a very important crossroads. I always get introspective in the weeks leading up to Mr. Virgo's Angelversary. I look at where I was, where I am, and where I want to be in the coming year. This time, all it took was a critical glance in the mirror and too tight jeans to tell me what needs tending to in the coming months.

My weight has always gone up and down. It was a real problem in my second marriage, but Mr. Virgo would have loved me if I had a third arm growing out of my forehead. He walked 12-16 hours a day in his line of work. I sat at my desk most of the time. The last thing he wanted to do was go out and exercise, which suited me fine. Or, at least, I thought it did.
As winter staked its claim on my hips and my psyche this year, I became sullen, lethargic, and not entirely pleasant to be around. The smallest exertion left me breathless and I found that to be alarming. See...here's the thing. I honestly thought I would just die after losing Mr. Virgo. I didn't dream I'd be left standing three years later in sweatpants and a shaggy Walmart haircut. Staring at that woman in the mirror was a rude wake up call. I've made great progress emotionally as I've navigated the roughest patch of water in my life. So now it's time to take back my body.

I never do anything half-a$$ed. I cut out sugar, gluten, and bread immediately. I had already virtually cut out sodas at the first of the year. February 28th is my older grand's birthday. What better way to celebrate than to begin a new lifestyle? I have either walked, biked, or done cardio everyday since. I've cut out all processed food. I eat clean and green...whole foods and grains. I eat raw fruits and vegetables...as much as I can. And water...water till my eyeballs are floating! I have not weighed myself, but I know how much I weighed in Colorado the first week of January. I feel SO much better already. My brain is actually sharper and I'm thinking clearer. My mood is elevated and I am even more hopeful than usual.

Grief is hard on you. It takes a toll on your body, mind, and spirit. Early in the grief process, there is absolutely no way you can control it. Eventually, however, there comes a point where you can begin to successfully make choices. Exercise, clean eating, and getting fit are my way of taking charge. I can't wait to see what come next!

❤️

“Don’t you know that you yourselves are God’s temple and that God’s Spirit dwells in your midst? If anyone destroys God’s temple, God will destroy that person; for God’s temple is sacred, and you together are that temple.”
1 Corinthians 3:16-17 NIV

Strive to Thrive

Mon, 07 Mar 2016 02:30:58 -0600

A friend of mine is struggling with the waves of grief again. It's been four years. Doesn't matter. Grief works that way sometimes. You can be fine...really fine for long stretches of time. And then something smacks you in the forehead and you remember that piece of your brokenness that you placed in an iron box. Grief drags you over by the ear and forces you to look at it again. Try as you might, you can't turn away. As hard as it is to go through it yourself, it's just as hard to watch a friend standing in the fire and know you can only stand there with the salve to bandage the burns after Grief has had her way.

I was relating this to someone and they said it sounded like someone else they knew...meaning me. That has given me pause. I had to ask myself if I am stuck in my grief. I mean, I can see how it might look that way from the outside. I honestly don't believe I am. I don't sit at home and cry. I live with hope. I'm not depressed. But I do talk about grief...a lot. This blog is my ministry. I write about my experiences with grief. I write about my relationship with Mr. Virgo as well as my loss. I write about my feelings which sometimes includes those directly related to grief. My blog is my story. My books are my story. I am NOT my story. And as I head into this last week before the third angelversary, I'm going to explore that with you.

I've had a paradigm shift this week. And I have made a decision. The first year was the "Year of the Great Fog". The second was "The Year of Diminishing Pain" because the fog had lifted. The third was the "Year of Blessed Relief" because I could finally breathe and explore my personal and spiritual growth. I've decided the fourth will be the "Year to Thrive". I'm awake. But, oh my gosh! I have looked at myself in the mirror. I love who I see, for the most part. A confident, younger-looking, wise woman with a heart full of love and positive energy. That being said, my conditioning and diet have really fallen by the wayside. I have a lot of exciting opportunities being presented to me. I want to have the energy and stamina to get out there and really enjoy the next couple of decades. I'm not going to be able to participate like I want to unless I get in better shape.

I started working with a personal trainer this week and I'm going to incorporate my work with him here in a weekly update..."Fitness Friday". I need the accountability and it gives me more to talk about than just my loss. Don't worry...I'm not going to preach at you. I'm a Documentarian! I don't preach...I bring you into my world and show you what it's like to live here.

❤️

“Souls who follow their hearts thrive; fools bent on evil despise matters of soul.”
Proverbs 13:19 MSG

5 Ways to Beat the Winter Blahs

Wed, 27 Jan 2016 02:30:32 -0600

Is It Spring Yet? Oh...it's WAY too early to be asking that question, isn't it? I am so grateful the last two days looked like this. And warm??? Oh, my! It got up to the high 50's yesterday. I can take winter much better if we get days like this interspersed with the gray, gloomy ones. Winter can make me feel old. One of my fellow Sister glamping friends on FB just started training to walk the Pacific Rim Trail. I'm like, "I can make a trail from my couch to my fridge to my bed, thank you very much!" I know I'm needing some exercise when it takes multiple attempts to hoist myself out of a low slung chair. Oh, I'm not all that bad, really...but when I eat at 4:30 and call it dinner, it makes me feel older than my age. I want to crawl into bed at 6:00 and read till midnight. I know winter is designed to make us rest as the world rests. Rest is one thing. Crawling in a hole and pulling it in after you is something altogether different. Must....resist....the urge....to hibernate!!!

Here are 5 Quick Tips for Beating Winter Blues

1) Get Some Sun - Take advantage of every sunny day! They may be few and far between, but don't let one of these precious gems pass you by. If it's too cold and slippery to go out for a walk, find a south facing window, roll up the shades, and sit in the sun for awhile. Magic!
2) Take Care of Your Skin - The skin is the largest organ of the body. Treat it with respect! Find a nice sugar scrub and exfoliate all over then follow with a rich moisturizer. Pay special attention to knees, elbows, feet and hands. Hydrate, hydrate, hydrate! Remember to keep up your water intake. Avoid harsh detergents and wear rubber gloves when cleaning.
3) Proper Sleep Hygiene - Sleep cycles get screwy in the winter with the long nights. Use a light therapy box in the early morning hours to get you up and going so you aren't tempted to languish in bed too late. Nothing feels better than crawling in bed when the sun goes down and dive into a good book. But reading into the night on an electronic device can mess with your sleep patterns. Put the book, reader, tablet, phone, or laptop down at least 30 minutes before you want to go to sleep. Try warm milk with a splash of sugar-free vanilla syrup, or vanilla extract and Stevia sweetener, in it as an alternative to hot cocoa. The sugar and caffeine in the hot chocolate can effect sleep negatively.
4) Eat Lighter, Earlier - Heavy food is comfort food, until you have to lay down with a too full tummy. Try eating earlier and choose lighter versions of your favorite winter recipes. Save the heavier, spicier foods like chili and spaghetti for lunch on the weekends. If you do end up with indigestion from those calorie laden meals, try seltzer water with a wedge of lime squeezed in it and a splash of Angostura Bitters. Very soothing and refreshing.
5) Joyful Planning - One of the best things I ever have done for myself since losing Mr. Virgo is making it a point to plan fun events for the coming months so I always have something joyful to look forward to. One of my friends and I regularly text this to each other..."Quick! Tell me 3 things you're looking forward to!!!" And we have to respond as soon as we read the text with our 3 things and ask the other for hers. It's a fun way to stay focused on positives.

Good self-care is never as important as it is in the winter months when Seasonal Affective Disorder can bring on the gloomies. What are you all doing to avoid hibernating?

❤️

““Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.””
Matthew 11:28-30 NIV

Ommmmmmm........

Tue, 12 Jan 2016 02:30:30 -0600

Oh, I was the lucky girl yesterday. After an incredibly busy eleven day stretch of travel, meetings, talks, and interviews, I used my Christmas gift certificate and had a massage. It was heavenly! My massage therapist was delightful and we had a very meaningful, spiritual conversation. I don't normally like to talk during a massage, but it seemed we met for reasons other than the massage itself. Sometimes people are just placed in your path to exchange something...knowledge, information, energy, ministry. We shouldn't pass those opportunities up.

One of the most difficult things about widowhood, after the pain of your loss and missing your loved one, is the lack of human touch. I noticed this after my divorce sixteen years ago. I actually discussed it with my doctor and got a prescription for massage from him for "therapeutic touch". The "feel good" hormones are released during massage and this improves our state of well being.

I really miss human touch. A twenty-second hug releases hormones that can have the same effect as a single dose of an antidepressant. Most people get uncomfortable with a hug that lasts longer than a couple of seconds unless they are in an intimate relationship. There are actually businesses that offer non-sexual, fully clothed (pajamas or yoga pants encouraged), therapeutic snuggles and cuddles for $60-75 per hour. I'm not sure how that would work for me snuggling a complete stranger, but man...I sure miss that closeness.

Most reputable spas and salons offer legitimate massage services. Companies like Massage Envy can be found all over. Sometimes you can snag a Groupon deal for very inexpensive services. Occasionally a spa will offer an introductory rate for your first visit. If you've never had a massage, let me be the first to say how awesome I find them. I know there are people who really do not like massage, but if you find you're craving human contact and you aren't interested in having an intimate relationship with someone, therapeutic massage can be a godsend.

❤️

“Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart, and the pleasantness of a friend springs from their heartfelt advice.”
Proverbs 27:9 NIV

Photo Credit: greatdaymassage.com

What a Feeling

Wed, 06 Jan 2016 02:30:09 -0600

Last night was special. I was invited to speak to a grief support group at my home church in Colorado. And the gals on either side of me in this photo are fellow Ranchers! I am so blessed to have had this time to share my journey and to sit with these beautiful people. I am humbled by your reception.

Today is a very special day for me. This is my "re-birth day". Sixteen years ago today I was at the lowest point of my life. Lower even than losing Mr. Virgo because I lacked the skills at the time to pull myself through it. My 21 year marriage was over. I was severely depressed. I could barely get out of bed and brush my teeth. I was grossly over medicated and being doctored to death. I was lost.

I was alone that evening, suffering yet another migraine. I took my medicine. It didn't go away so I took more. I got goofy and couldn't remember if I took my medicine so I took more. At some point I realized I had a mouth full of pills but by that time I couldn't move. I took two full bottles and could quite easily have died if my husband hadn't come home to find me unresponsive.

I spent the night in ICU and a couple of nights in acute care then was sent to a facility in Denver where I stayed for two weeks. When I got out, my marriage was officially done, and I started the long climb back up from literally the bottom of the barrel.

A lot has happened in those sixteen years. I found my voice and stood up. I got divorced and survived. I built a house. I started a business. I lost my mom. I dated a cowboy. I remodeled a house. I became a Christian. I met Mr. Virgo and got married. I lost my dad. We moved three times. The kids grew up and moved away. Mr. Virgo died. I bought a trailer, and wrote and wrote and wrote. And, guess what's happening today? Today, sixteen years after very nearly dying of an overdose, I'm being interviewed by the New York Times. Seriously? I'm so excited I can hardly stand it.

There is no question...there IS a God. And He is so, so good!

❤️

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”
Isaiah 41:10 NIV

Love...and Chocolate

Sat, 21 Nov 2015 02:30:00 -0600

Last night, I met several of my cousins for dinner at a pretty good Italian place. They had the best cheese bread I've ever eaten in my life! There was a bittersweet purpose in our gathering. My cousin Tommy has mesothelioma. He's doing great. He's having chemo and it is giving him some wonderful time to share with his family and friends. We are all so grateful to have him here.

Tommy is 12 years older than me. I was just a little, little girl when he came home from the Navy in his whites and I fell in love! Oh...he was breathtakingly handsome! And he was still young enough to have an emotional bond with this little tow headed kid who followed him around like a moonsick puppy.

His wife knows...everyone knows. Any gathering could be the last gathering. And they're so brave...and so loving...and so present...and so real. What do you say to someone who you know will walk your path? How do you prepare her? Of course, the answer is...you can't, not really. There is only one thing to do...keep things as normal and upbeat as you can...for Tommy. And...there is only one thing you can say. My heart is with you.

I stopped for chocolates on my way to the restaurant, forgetting it was Suzy who likes chocolate...not Tommy. So, Suzy got the candy and Tommy got lots of lovin' from this grown up little toe-headed kid that would still follow him around like a moonsick pup. My heart is with them.

❤️

““Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe also in me. My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going.””
John 14:1-4 NIV

Body Perfect

Sat, 14 Nov 2015 02:30:10 -0600

The human body amazes me. What a miraculous work of art it is! What an amazing, fine tuned machine. There HAS to be a God. How else could you have something so synchronous...so mysterious...so beautiful? Beyond the muscle and bone, skin and organs and how they move and mesh and communicate at lightning speed, you have command central...the brain.

The brain is the epicenter of our universe. It's what makes us...well, US. What makes me want to grab a bowl of popcorn and sit down and watch is how all brains pretty much look the same on the outside but every single one is different on the inside. I like to watch the interactions between people...their perceptions, their beliefs, the way they think. We have a tendency to assume we all basically think the same way...not the same thoughts, surely...but functionally. And, we don't.

I think in analogies. Chunks of information presents itself and lets me see several things simultaneously...like putting a jigsaw puzzle together. When I come up against someone who processes information differently than me, I still have my jigsaw puzzle to work on, but now there are some pieces missing. That is confusing in itself. Try adding external (and internal) influences like emotion, stress, and physical challenges and one can easily begin questioning their own mental faculties as well as being questioned by others. Grief throws a monkey wrench in the best of brains. Grief actually changes our brain.

My point here is this...the brain on grief overload is a different brain than you had going into this michugat, this...craziness. Hang on, you'll get some of it back. But, grief has forever changed you and the electrical landscape of your brain. And, like the tempering of steel, you come out the other side stronger in many ways. Just be patient and loving with your beautiful self.

❤️

“The mind governed by the flesh is death, but the mind governed by the Spirit is life and peace.”
Romans 8:6 NIV

Retreat

Fri, 13 Nov 2015 02:30:51 -0600

Sometimes I get so tired of grief. I want it to just go away. Leave me alone. I just want to BE. I don't want to have to deal with all the crap that comes with it. I didn't ask for this in the first place. You get me, don't you. I know you do. Those of you walking this journey totally get this. The thing is...it's like the Hotel California. Grief can check it any time it wants...but it can never leave. Not entirely. But what it can do is change. It can ease. It can retreat.

It's ok for you to retreat, too. You don't have to fight this battle every single live long day. You don't have to carry the weight of this 24/7. I get respite when I hand it over to God and ask him to carry it...and me...for a while. Just a while...till I catch my breath. Till I feel stronger. You don't have to go to a fancy schmancy spa place to have a retreat either. Here are some gentle, self-care things you can do to give yourself that little extra love and support you need. You can set aside some special time and make a day or just an afternoon of it. Or just incorporate some into your daily routines. I guarantee you will at least feel stronger, a little more centered, a little less stressed out if you take care of yourself. And it doesn't have to cost an arm and a leg.

Try some of these and let me know how they work for you:

- Go for a walk when the sun is the highest. Walk toward the sun for at least 20 minutes to get the most light on your retina that you can.
- Stretch for ten minutes.
- Find a yoga video on YouTube and follow along.
- Try a free guided meditation from Deepak Chopra's website.
- Soak in a hot bath with Epsom salts to detox. Add a couple drops of lavender oil. Wrap up in a hot blanket or robe and curl up on your side in the fetal position. Hug your knees to your chest and breath slow, deep breaths. Concentrate on your belly...just under your rib cage. Breathe into that space. Feel it relax and release some of the tension you carry there. That is your solar plexus and we tend to carry our grief tension there. At least, that's where I feel mine. Cry if you need to and then nap it off.
- Listen to soft music.
- Eat a little comfort food. Something that warms your soul.
- Massage your feet, hands, neck, and head. Massage your face. We carry an amazing amount of stress in our faces when we have that "I'm just fine!" look on them that we are so wont to have. It takes a whole lot of work to hold back tears.
- Start a gratitude journal.
- Set yourself up for a good night's sleep. I have a friend who often does a guided meditation at bedtime and uses it as a transition to sleep. Don't eat a heavy meal too late in the evening. Avoid caffeine drinks after 1:00 in the afternoon. Turn off the electronics and the TV at least an hour before bedtime. Drink warm milk or Sleepytime Tea before bed.

All these thing are easy to do and great, but FIRST...pray. Give it up. Hand it over. Lay all those worries and cares down. God listens even when we don't have the words.

❤️

“In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans.”
Romans 8:26 NIV

Enough

Wed, 11 Nov 2015 02:30:15 -0600

Dear Ones...

This is a letter to you. You know who you are. You're the one who is struggling right now. Your heart is hurting. You cry when you think no one knows. But I know. You've given so much of yourself you can't breathe anymore. Your strength is bleeding out of your very soul. You don't know how you're holding together. You wonder what difference you could possibly be making here. You feel like no matter what you do or what you say...it is never good enough. That YOU'RE not good enough.

I just have two words for you, dear one. Stop that! You are amazing! You are precious. You have so many gifts and talents. You have such a big heart. The people you are doing for may not notice, but God does. He is watching over every minute of your life. I know you get discouraged. But courage lies in the middle of that word. It takes great courage to be where you are. You are brave...you are strong. You have strength you aren't even aware of. You are so much more. Stop talking yourself down. Start building yourself up. Believe in yourself. I do. You are enough. You are enough. You are enough.

With ever so much respect,

❤️

“Now to you who believe, this stone is precious. But to those who do not believe, “The stone the builders rejected has become the cornerstone,””
1 Peter 2:7 NIV

Rumblings

Sat, 07 Nov 2015 02:30:00 -0600

The last week or two I've alluded to some rumblings going on. Like Old Faithful, these are the seismic sensations I get when I know I'm getting close to something inside. It usually erupts and a new layer gets opened up and I get to play emotional archeologist. It's amazing what I find inside. You'd think after all the years I've spent excavating my mind and heart and soul I'd be done by now. But, alas...outer space is NOT the final frontier. Inner space is.

We've talked a lot about the fog of grief lately. Even though we all experience grief differently, there seems to be a general consensus that we live in some sort of foggy nether world for some time after the death of a loved one. I can tell you from personal experience, I don't remember much of the first year. I'm glad I have this blog as my touchstone so I can go back to see where I was and what I was doing. The second year was harder because I was more aware of what was going on around me. I was beginning to let myself actually feel what was going on and sort some of it out. It was a year of incredible personal growth and I found strength I had no idea I possessed. I'm a little over halfway through my third year now. I'm not floundering but I'm not necessarily thriving either. I'm kind of in this ethereal space akin to a mother's womb...safe, secure, nurturing, but still, quiet. It's not a bad thing. It's kind of like a pit stop in a big race. I'm getting my engine lubed and my tires changed because there's some big laps ahead of me.

I'm waking up more and more. Honestly? I'm kind of surprised I lived through losing Mr. Virgo. I didn't think I would. Oh, don't get me wrong...I never would have hurt myself. I just thought maybe all that stress and pain would have caused an illness or a heart attack or something. But, thank God...I'm still here. And along with that comes a whole new realization. I really COULD live another 20...30...gosh, even 40 years. That's a sobering thought. That's a lot of living. That's a whole career. That's five...maybe ten presidencies! Holy crap!

It's a good thing sparkles don't rust!

❤️

“Gray hair is a crown of splendor; it is attained in the way of righteousness.”
Proverbs 16:31 NIV

On Aging

Fri, 06 Nov 2015 02:30:10 -0600

I've been old twice. The first time was when my second marriage was failing and I couldn't stem its inevitable demise. I was ancient at 46. The second time was when I suddenly became a widow at 59. I was too old to be single and too young to be old.

I sank into grief. I wandered down the dark hallways of my mind...wondering if I'd ever find myself again. Would I ever feel joy? Would I ever laugh? Would I ever feel like...me? Eventually...little by little...the fog lifted and I caught glimpses of her...that carefree girl who threw her head back and laughed large. That wonderful, wacky woman who saw the fun in everything. She was in there. I just had to coax her out...like a stray cat who has gone too many years without the kind touch of humanity.

I joined a band of women. A Sisterhood. A group of fellow travelers on the same journey I was on. We encourage each other. We love each other. We honor the strength we see in each other. We teach each other how to fly. And we laugh and laugh and laugh. And something miraculous is happening...I am becoming that girl that I longed for once again. I am coming full circle.

The other morning, I was lying in bed and I raised my arms up to look at them. Imagine my surprise when I saw my mother's arms instead of mine! How did that happen? Where did these wrinkles come from? Am I old? I took a careful inventory and discovered, indeed...I am not. I am experienced. I am worldly. I am wise. I am broken in, not broken down. Like a great pair of cowboy boots, my skin has stretched to cover the fullness of my being. I have lived...I have loved...I have lost...I have learned. And until I leave...I'm just going to love every little square inch of my beautiful, bodacious, badass self...wrinkles and all!

I have found the Fountain of Youth. It is between my ears.

❤️

“Do not cast me away when I am old; do not forsake me when my strength is gone.”
Psalm 71:9 NIV

Setting Goals, Part Two

Wed, 04 Nov 2015 02:30:07 -0600

As we discussed yesterday, the ability to set goals can be severely compromised when you are grieving...actively or otherwise. For some of us, setting goals has never been a particularly honed skill, myself included. But I don't want to find myself drifting aimlessly through life. I believe there is a grand plan...that God knows all He has in store for me for every day of my life. I don't think of setting goals for myself as trying to take the reins. I see it as suiting up and showing up for the game. I look at it as active participation.

So, how do we go about setting a goal? Using the mnemonic device SMART can help. Let's go through it, one letter at a time.

S is for "specific". Be specific about what it is exactly you want to achieve. For example, a non-specific goal is "I won't spend so much money this Christmas." A specific goal is "I will create a budget for holiday spending and create a list of gifts with amounts I can afford."

M is for "measurable". A measurable goal is written in such a way that you can actually measure your progress. Instead of saying "I need to get out of the house more." say "I will ask _____ to walk with me on Tuesdays and Thursdays for the next month."

A is for "attainable". It does absolutely no good whatsoever to set a goal that is impossible to reach. It's better to take small bites...as in, "I will walk three to four days a week and work up to 5 miles per walk." Setting a goal of running a marathon by the end of summer may be unattainable and so far out in left field, you may not make it off the couch.

R is for "realistic". Again, this is an attainable goal, but one that will push you...not overwhelm you. An unrealistic goal would be "I am never eating dessert again." A realistic goal is "I will only eat dessert once per week."

T is for "time-bound". This seems so easy but it's probably the one thing that trips us up repeatedly. I've been telling you I'm going to publish a book. I have it written. I left it with a friend for preliminary editing. I got it back in August with a list of ideas for changes that will make it more marketable.

So, why isn't it at least in the throes of getting finished? Because I have not been SMART. To use the mnemonic, my goals are:
1) I will finish editing my manuscript for publication.
2) I will create a list of items that need my attention and check them off as they are completed.
3) I will sit down with the manuscript and my laptop on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for no less that 2 hours and write.
3) I will edit a minimum of one chapter per sitting.
4) I will have the manuscript ready for publication by March 12, 2016.

So, there you have it. My commitment to have a completed manuscript ready to publish by the angelversary of Mr. Virgo's death....a fitting goal and one that will keep me focused during the winter. And, now that I've committed, I'm accountable. It really helps keep your focus when you have someone hear your goal. Try using SMART and come up with some goals for yourself.

❤️

“You, however, know all about my teaching, my way of life, my purpose, faith, patience, love, endurance...”
2 Timothy 3:10-11 NIV

Setting Goals

Tue, 03 Nov 2015 02:30:00 -0600

Yesterday we touched on ways to ward off the winter blahs. One of the suggestions was to set goals and check items off the lists you create to achieve them. But, how do you set goals? And what do you do when those goals just keep hanging out there like a carrot on a stick? At the end of the first year after Mr. Virgo died, I breathed an audible sigh of relief. Now I could say "He died last year." It gave me a false sense of comfort that it was "almost over" and I was going to get my life back...or some semblance of it. Little did I know the second year was going to be harder because the numbness was gone. And now, here I am, over halfway through the third year and what are my goals? I have no earthly idea!

A fellow Rancher said her goal was to find someone else to love happily ever after but now she's five years into this without a knight in shining armor in sight. You could have knocked me over with a feather as I realized that's exactly what I've been doing. I have been looking at every male encounter as a potential mate. Good grief...what was I thinking?

That's the point though, isn't it? I wasn't thinking. I haven't really been thinking about long range goals. I've been planning to feel better this week. Maybe this month. I've been chasing happiness but at what cost? No one else is refilling the coffers.

When I got back from Myrtle Beach, I had to sit down and take a serious accounting of where I am. Not just financially, but in general. That little "Hey, girl...how ya doin'?" pep talk we girls gotta have on occasion. And I wasn't happy with what I saw. I have been feeling a shift lately...a ripple in the force, so to speak. Good things will come of this as it is just another layer of the onion.

Stay tuned tomorrow for Part Two of "Setting Goals". This is far too big a topic for one post to cover.

❤️

“Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.”
Proverbs 19:21 NIV

Time

Mon, 02 Nov 2015 02:30:15 -0600

I don't like it when the time changes. I saw a cartoon posted yesterday on Facebook. A woman is standing in front of the window complaining that it's pitch black outside and she has lost her perception of time. She thinks it's midnight. Her husband calmly tells her it's 5:27. Yeah, that's me. I can easily crawl in a hole and not come out till spring but I've been preparing for this all week. I got my light therapy lamp out and started using it about an hour or two per day. I've walked or hiked 3-4 miles per day, 6 out of the last 7 days. I've hooked up with friends. I've made plans for several outings this week in addition to walking. I got the computer and my manuscript out over the weekend and I've started what I'm surely hoping is the last edit of my two books I've been working on. I avoided buying ice cream. ? Things are looking much better!

It isn't easy to do good self-care when you're alone. It takes a great deal of self-discipline...something that is in short supply when you're grieving, actively or otherwise. I remember thinking how much better the winters were after Mr. Virgo came into my life. Having a partner gives life purpose. Having a partner that makes life so much fun makes everything else so much better. When it's all up to you, and you aren't feeling like your usual self, it's easy to cut corners and let things slide. I was always a list maker and I have gotten out of the habit. I'm starting to make lists again. That way, everything that gets crossed off is something accomplished. It's visual reinforcement and a reminder to keep going.

November and December aren't so bad. We've got the holidays to plan and prepare for. January and February are where we get into trouble. Setting goals and reaching them, no matter how minor, gives you a sense of satisfaction and accomplishment. Preparing yourself ahead of time, getting in the habit now of creating lists and setting goals, and keeping physically active leading up to those dark, sad, boring days will increase your chances of feeling better through them.

What are some of your goals this winter?

❤️

“Let your eyes look straight ahead; fix your gaze directly before you. Give careful thought to the paths for your feet and be steadfast in all your ways. Do not turn to the right or the left; keep your foot from evil.”
Proverbs 4:25-27 NIV

Walking

Sat, 31 Oct 2015 01:30:58 -0600

I get SAD. I don't FEEL sad, necessarily. But I sure feel Seasonal Affective Disorder when it rears its ugly head. I want to be around lots of people AND I want to be a hermit. I want to go to a party AND I want you to sit next to me and shut up. I want to go out to dinner AND I want to crawl in bed with my iPad and stay there till March. I'm not alone. According to the American Association of Family Physicians, about 4 to 6 percent of people have winter depression. Another 10 to 20 percent may have mild SAD. I have had it for years and I've found it's a little worse here in West Virginia than it was in Colorado...mainly because Colorado has 300+ days of sunshine and West Virginia, ummmm, doesn't. It gets grey and cloudy here and it can last for days...weeks at a time. Yesterday I had to get my therapy light out and sit in front of it for an hour and it really helped. I normally take St. John's Wort daily since Mr. Virgo died. At this time of year, I make extra sure I don't miss a dose.* I also increase my exercise.

Anyone who suffers from SAD, or any form of depression for that matter, understands that getting up and getting out is no easy task. We get "couch lock". We don't want to do anything but climb in bed and read or sleep. It takes everything in our power to get outside. It hits hard and fast and it isn't going to improve any when Daylight Saving Time kicks in this weekend.
So, what to do? Get up. Get out the door. Go DO something. Cut down on sugar and heavy, carb-laden foods. Play upbeat music. Watch comedies. Call a friend. Call two friends. Call ALL your friends! Make plans with people. Go hike in the woods. Go to an exercise class. Push each other to go that extra half mile. Record your activity so you can see your progress. Reward yourself with bubble baths instead of Ben and Jerry's. Pray. Sing. Dance. Write. Take pictures. Start a hobby. Volunteer. Do something. Do anything. Just get off the couch. You will feel better. Guaranteed!

❤️

“But God, who comforts the downcast, comforted us...”
2 Corinthians 7:6 NIV

*This is not intended as medical advice. Ask your healthcare provider what, if anything, is right for you.

Reflections

Thu, 17 Sep 2015 01:30:20 -0600

I sit out on the deck and stare at this river...a lot. It's got good energy. It's my meditation. It has become my refuge, my cathedral, my heart. Sometimes I work on stuff in my head. Sometimes I write these blog posts because I feel inspired by the beauty. But most times I just reflect. Like the mirror image of the far banks, I look at the scrapbooks of my life. I can leave the bad parts alone. I can stay in the pleasant parts as long as I want. It's soothing. It's healing. It is life.

I try not to have regrets but it's not easy sometimes. There are things I would do differently, certainly. But really, for the most part, I'm happy with my life. It is what it is. It is mine. I am who I am. There have been times in my life when it was important to consider where I want to be in a year...five years...ten. Not any more. I'm happy to be right where I am.

❤️

"The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake. Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me."
Psalm 23:1-4

The Four Agreements

Tue, 15 Sep 2015 01:30:06 -0600

Have you read this book by Don Miguel Ruiz? I first read The Four Agreements when I was separated from my second husband. I gave it to him to read and I think it helped us get through the process in as loving a manner as was possible at the time. It is based on Ancient Toltec wisdom. The Toltecs were the predecessors of the Aztecs. Basically, it works on the premise that our entire belief system is based on the agreements we make...with ourselves, with each other, and with the universe. We've been making agreements since the day we were born and all those agreements can sure muddy up the waters. Don Miguel Ruiz distills everything down to a way we can simplify our lives by working on four basic agreements...a sort of psychological roadmap, as it were.

The First Agreement isn't too hard. "Be impeccable with your word." In other words, speak with integrity. Remember your words have power and you should strive to use them for good. Speaking ill of yourself or of others is not healthy nor is it productive.

Number Two is, "Don't take anything personally." What others say about you, good or bad, has absolutely nothing to do with you and absolutely everything to do with them and where they are in their personal journeys. When you are immune to the judgement and criticism of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering.

The Third Agreement is..."Don't make assumptions." Find the courage to ask questions. Don't be afraid to ask for what you want.
Number Four is "Always do your best." Keeping in mind, of course, your best varies day to day...sometimes hour to hour. If you just follow this one agreement and always do your best, you can change your life tremendously by removing self-judgement, self-abuse, and regret.

I do pretty well with three of these agreements. If there were just the first, third, and fourth? I'd be golden. But nooooooo! There's that darned Second Agreement in there that drives me berserk! I work on it all the time and it's the hardest thing in the world to me. I mean, really...how is it possible that someone can say something mean, ugly, and hurtful to me without me taking it personally? I can talk this thing till the cows come home. I can rationalize and tell you this is the absolute truth, then turn right around and take something totally personally and it makes me smack my head every time. Especially when it's my friends who point it out to me.

Case in point. I had a really busy first week back in West Virginia this trip. I managed to see lots of people but didn't get over to see my cousin and his wife. Then, about a week after I got back, my cousin's wife posted a meme on Facebook that said something about people making time for those they really want to be with. I sat right there, read that, and was absolutely certain...beyond a shadow of a doubt...she was talking about me. And this is the conversation I had in my little pea brain...."Here I've been home a week and I haven't called! What must they think of me? They must think I don't love them or I don't want to be with them! Oh my gosh...that is SO not true! I've got to get ahold of them and apologize for not calling earlier!" So I sent a text. No response. Now I'm convinced they are really hurt...or worse yet, angry with me for not letting them know I was back safe. I dropped by their house. No answer at the door. Could they be inside and not answering? (Can you see how crazy making this is getting?) I called their home phone. I called their cell phone. No answer. Now I'm firmly convinced I have just ruined a beautiful relationship by not calling them for a week. Oh, yeah....my reptilian brain actually took me there. I decided I'd try one more way and sent a private message on Facebook asking if they were mad at me. The answer I got back? "Oh, heck no! We're out of town! Be back the end of the week."

Busted.

Caught again with my hand in the cookie jar of ugly, non-sensical agreements that I have followed religiously all my life. I KNOW BETTER! I understand the Second Agreement. And most times I can make it work for me. But sometimes, if I'm in that vulnerable down place where I was last week, I can't imagine that it ISN'T about me.

Some friends and I were sitting out on the back porch Sunday morning talking. At this point I hadn't heard from my cousin's wife so I was still sure they would never speak to me again. I brought the subject up and one of them said, "You took that personally, didn't you?" Ummmmm, yeah. "Well, it doesn't have a single thing to do with you." Ummmmm, how do they know this? Did they read the book? I told them about The Four Agreements and that nasty Number Two that throws me for a loop. And they reiterated that it indeed has absolutely nothing to do with me.

Retraining your brain to think entirely differently than the way you were raised...than the way you have thought most of your adult life...is not easy. We stopped and looked at each other in silence then I threw my hands in the air and cried, "I'm working on it, ok???" And we laughed. Because that's what we do. That's our "Girl's a little crazy!" support group slogan. And I am. I'm working on it.

❤️

"“Say to them, ‘This is what the Lord says: “ ‘When people fall down, do they not get up? When someone turns away, do they not return?"
Jeremiah 8:4

Algae Bloom

Mon, 07 Sep 2015 01:30:08 -0600

It's still the dog days of summer, even though we are a quarter of the way through September already. Along with the slow, lazy days comes a slow, lazy river and that creates the ideal environment for an overgrowth of algae. I took this photo yesterday morning as I sat out on the deck with my coffee. I ran it through a filter to enhance the color so it doesn't look like this to the naked eye. The enhancement clearly brings out the glow of the blue green algae that is hanging around. While it's kinda cool looking, unfortunately it gives off a toxin that is harmful to pets and livestock and can make humans really sick. They are cautioning people to stay out and avoid drinking the river water. I mean, seriously...are there a bunch of people out there actually drinking water straight from the Ohio River??? Blech!

It's too bad this is happening because I've really been looking forward to getting out in my kayak...and skinny dipping in the dark of night. Sigh....guess I'll have to wait on both till it either dies off or we get some good rains to flush out the river. In the meantime, it makes for some cool photography!

❤️

"“As long as the earth endures, seedtime and harvest, cold and heat, summer and winter, day and night will never cease.”
Genesis 8:22

Novinophobia

Wed, 12 Aug 2015 01:30:44 -0600

Novinophobia: The fear of running out of wine. I have no idea if that's a real thing or not, but it's certainly a catchy term. I was always a social drinker. On occasion I over indulged, but I usually just drank a glass of wine while I cooked dinner or a cold beer on a hot summer day. Then the Prozac years happened. I was heavily medicated for depression for years and when my marriage started its inexorable crawl toward the edge of the cliff, I started self-medicating with alcohol. It was the kiss of death.

When I imploded, I overdosed and nearly died. Thank God I hadn't had any alcohol that night or I wouldn't be here right now. When I came out of that horrible experience, I miraculously had no desire whatsoever to drink alcohol. I do, however, still enjoy a cold beer on a hot summer day and an occasional glass of red wine...just without the alcohol. I've found a dealcoholized wine that I enjoy called Fre. It comes in Red Blend, Merlot, and White Zinfandel. There are several non-alcohol beers available now but my very favorite is Erlanger. It's German and you would be hard pressed to tell the difference between it and a real beer...at least to me.

My father was an alcoholic. I realized if I would have kept down that path, I could have been in real trouble. I tried going to AA but I just didn't fit there. It's been nearly 16 years since I've had alcohol. I have never, ever been tempted to go back...even with the devastation of losing Mr. Virgo. When people ask if I want a drink, I tell them my theory on alcohol consumption. I tell them I believe God gives us just so many tickets for that ride and they have to last a lifetime. I, unfortunately, did not pace myself and I used them all up WAY too fast. It always gets a laugh and any discomfort in the room is quickly dissipated.

I spent the day tearing my camper apart yesterday and came across this bottle I had in the cupboard under the sink so last night I put on some music, poured myself a glass, and enjoyed a peaceful, cricket-filled summer evening. L'Chaim!

❤️

"They are dogs with mighty appetites; they never have enough. They are shepherds who lack understanding; they all turn to their own way, they seek their own gain. “Come,” each one cries, “let me get wine! Let us drink our fill of beer! And tomorrow will be like today, or even far better.”
Isaiah 56:11-12

Adversity

Tue, 11 Aug 2015 01:30:42 -0600

The little in pink is my youngest when she was about 5 or 6. The little on the left is her best friend, Kiersten. She moved away at the end of the 3rd grade and we didn't find each other again till last year on FB. We reconnected when I received the news that Kiersten had been in a terrible car accident up in the mountains. She broke her neck and was paralyzed from the neck down. Her mom, Patty, came from Maine to be with her.

After a week in the hospital, Kiersten was moved to Craig Rehabilitation Hospital in Denver and the grueling work began. She had 7 or 8 different types of therapy daily. Her injury turned out to be Brown-Sequard Syndrome where the spinal cord was stretched, bruised, and damaged...but not severed. Her paralysis slowly improved and she worked hard to get better. The weight training area was in the cafeteria. While others were sitting around talking after dinner, Kiersten would be over there lifting weights and working out. She was determined she would get better. And she did. She walks. She still writes with her right hand but has learned to do everything else with her left hand. Her right side gets tired more easily. But she is a walking miracle. We all learn from adversity that we are much stronger than we ever thought we were.

I remember this beautiful young woman when she was just a little girl having sleepovers at our house. I read to her and told her grand bedtime stories that I made up. And last night I got to have dinner with her and her mom. On my way home, Patty texted me to say Kiersten told her after I left how much she loved me when she was little. And how she remembered those stories. Strong women from loved little girls grow. Invest in our future. Treat every child as you would treat your own. I was so touched that she remembered.

❤️

"I will give them an undivided heart and put a new spirit in them; I will remove from them their heart of stone and give them a heart of flesh."
Ezekiel 11:19

The Semicolon Project

Sat, 01 Aug 2015 01:30:09 -0600

I was sitting with my older daughter and her friend the other night talking about mental illness and how so many issues of today are losing their negative social stigmas. We've come a long way since those dark days when depression and anxiety cast a pall over our house. So, we want to do our part to bring mental health issues into the light of day where we can talk and love and heal.

If you aren't familiar with The Semicolon Project, then Google it. A semicolon is placed where an author could have ended the story, but chose not to. If you see someone with a semicolon tattoo, ask them about it. Give them a hug. Thank them for being brave. Tell them you love them. As my contribution to the conversation, I am going with friends next Friday to get my own semicolon tattoo. I am also altering my feather tattoo and turn it into a quill pen since I am a writer. My feather reminds me that my burdens are as light as a feather because God carries them for me. So, since you all are a huge part of my life and the reason I am here, I would like to include you in the decision making process of placement. "B" is aesthetically pleasing but since the writing came after the pause, perhaps "A" is more appropriate. Please vote "A" or "B" in the comments. Also, please feel free to share your semicolon tattoo if you have one and share your story if you feel comfortable.

Thank you all so much for all your love and support!!!

❤️

"Some will say, ‘I belong to the Lord ’; others will call themselves by the name of Jacob; still others will write on their hand, ‘The Lord’s,’ and will take the name Israel."
Isaiah 44:5

Live

Tue, 21 Jul 2015 01:30:00 -0600

Once upon a time…ok, MOST of the time, exercise is something I do as an absolute chore. The whole idea of dragging myself outside and doing something till I swear…errrr, I mean SWEAT…is enough to send me to bed for a well deserved nap. I hate exercise. It's such a drag. However, I dearly LOVE to go outside and play!

One of my very favorite things to do is ride my bike. I got my first bike when I was ten. A single speed monstrosity from Monkey Wards. It was blue, and had fenders with white stripes, and a seat big enough for any decent John Deere tractor. It was HEAVY so you really got a workout. This was back in the days when children did something most kids today cannot comprehend. They went outside…to play! As soon as breakfast was over, man…we were out the door. Free to explore and pretend and get dirty and have the best time. We lived across the street from the streetlight, so as soon as that thing came on, we had to go in for the night. Food was an afterthought. I didn't have an ounce of fat on me.

Mom worked so she left me and my brother home with a little list of chores that had to be done when she got home from work. I liked doing chores then about like I do now. I'll put them off till the last possible minute. I remember the neighbor calling over the hedge at 4:00 every afternoon. "Ginny Girl…you'd better be getting your chores done before your mother gets home. We don't want you gettin' in trouble now, do we?" So, I'd reluctantly drop whatever I was doing and go in and whip through the tasks as fast as I could so I could get back outside. Living in the camper with less than 5% of my worldly possessions has certainly simplified my to do list. So, yesterday I went out to play. My bike is vastly different than the behemoth of 1963. But my journey in my mind is much the same. I'm biking to Canada, panniers packed, a small trailer following behind with what meager supplies that will be needed. I mentally go through the same checklist I did at ten when I imagined "choosing" and "packing" what I would need. And I fly!

Exercise is hard work that makes you sweat. Playing is fun and makes you glisten! Which would YOU rather do?

❤

"So then, banish anxiety from your heart and cast off the troubles of your body, for youth and vigor are meaningless."
Ecclesiastes 11:10

Fleeting Beauty

Thu, 11 Jun 2015 01:30:00 -0600

They don't call it Colorful Colorado for nothing. Look at this sunset. I do love the Colorado skies. Very dramatic! And thirty seconds later it was gone. That's the way of so many beautiful moments. You blink and you miss them. We have so many distractions today that divert our attention from the beauty around us. I'm as guilty as the next person with my nose pointed at a screen. How did we get so dependent on electronics? It is insidious. You don't even know you're doing it. How did we live before the cell phone? I'm trying. I'm really trying to unplug more often. But I write...every day. And I write at odd times when the mood strikes. I often get my material from the things I read and the interactions I have online. It's just such a habit to reach for the phone.

It's shocking how much time kids spend with a screen to their face. We adults could set a better example but I'm not sure it would make a difference. I'll keep trying to lift my eyes and see the world around me more often. It would have been a shame if I would have missed this sunset.

❤

"“My troubled thoughts prompt me to answer because I am greatly disturbed."
Job 20:2

It's For a Good Cause

Thu, 21 May 2015 01:30:00 -0600

Today is Red Nose Day. This is to raise awareness of children living in poverty right here in the U.S. We live in an affluent country yet there are children going to bed hungry. Check out Red Nose Day HERE.

❤

"Because of thirst the infant’s tongue sticks to the roof of its mouth; the children beg for bread, but no one gives it to them."
Lamentations 4:4

Get Moving!

Tue, 14 Apr 2015 01:30:00 -0600

I love this time of year. I come out of hibernation ready to move. I'm glad I worked out some over the winter so it wasn't a total shock to my system getting back out there. Frank the FitBit says I walked almost 4.5 miles yesterday so that's great. I really wanted to ride my bike too but it was late in the afternoon and 84 degrees so I settled for walking. My walking buddy came with me and regaled me with funny stories to take my mind off exercising. That made it go faster. Once I get started, I really do enjoy exercise. But it is SO wicked hard for me to get started. Then, once I start exercising, it's far easier to rein in my diet because I KNOW how far you have to walk to work off a slice of pizza! Once I get my brain working like that, I'm good to go.

Exercise builds up your confidence. Confidence builds self esteem. Self esteem makes you carry yourself better into the world. It makes you more approachable. I'm not invisible anymore. People greet me, make eye contact and smile at me now. My invisibility came from the inside. Making up my mind to get out there in the world set the wheels in motion so I could engage.

❤

"Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize."
1 Corinthians 9:24

A Love Affair

Sat, 11 Apr 2015 01:30:00 -0600

Ok, true confession time. I'm having a love affair with Frank…my FitBit. I don't know if there's some way I was supposed to calibrate this thing to my actual activity level or not but I'm telling you what…it is amazing how many calories this thing credits you for doing things like brushing your teeth. Heck…I can burn calories while I eat! lol

Have a great weekend! Get out there and have some fun and play and burn some calories. We're having the first camp out of the season tonight! (Does it count as camping if you actually LIVE in your camper???)

See you all tomorrow!

❤

"let the wise listen and add to their learning, and let the discerning get guidance— for understanding proverbs and parables, the sayings and riddles of the wise."
Proverbs 1:5-6

Quiet

Thu, 09 Apr 2015 01:30:00 -0600

Spring has come to West Virginia. The flowers are blooming and the thunder is booming. It's been a long time since I've heard this kind of storm.

Yesterday was the perfect spring day! After sleeping eight hours, I met a friend of mine and went for a 3 mile walk. Afterwards, we went to the local bike shop to check out their spring sale. I bought my last major purchase for getting set up in this new life. I bought a hybrid bike…a cross between a street bike and a mountain bike. We went for a 5 mile ride to try it out and it's perfect! Now I can exercise and get around town without using a lot of gas.

I got home five minutes before the inky sky opened up the floodgates. I took a nap, then went to my cousin's house. He, his wife and I went out for dinner. We sat around and talked and I came home between thunderstorms. It really was a perfect spring day.

❤

"But Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed."
Luke 5:16

Recharge!

Wed, 01 Apr 2015 01:30:00 -0600

Most days I have an agenda. I don't necessarily write lists like I did when I was working. Things are a lot looser these days. But yesterday was a totally self-indulgent "Ginny" day. I had breakfast and coffee in bed and read, wrote, surfed, and chatted the day away. Some may call that a day wasted but for me, a day like that is completely necessary on occasion in order to recharge my batteries. I've had some interactions lately that left me disappointed and feeling depleted. That is totally out of character for me and that is always my cue to back off and chill out. If my schedule for the rest of the week were more open, and if it were just a bit warmer, I would have hooked up TOW-Wanda and headed for the hills. As it was, I just hunkered down and enjoyed the sound of the wind rocking my camper and today is a brand new day!

What do you do to recharge when life wrings the stuffin's out of you?

❤

Beloved, I pray that all may go well with you and that you may be in good health, as it goes well with your soul.
3 John 1:2 ESV

Wellness

Mon, 23 Mar 2015 01:30:00 -0600

Just after I stopped nursing my second child, I had an emergency appendectomy. Nine months later was a tubal ligation and major repair, then a year later was a total hysterectomy. I didn't bounce back very fast and was feeling out of sorts. I cried easily, I was tired, and I just didn't feel good. I told my doctor that I picked up my baby at night and cried. "Hmmmm…inappropriate crying." as he made a note in my chart. I left with a prescription for Zoloft and even though I thought he was way off base, I took it. That started me down a long, LONG path of destruction…to my self, my family, my friends. It took ten years and a lot of hard work to come back from that. I'm not saying there isn't a place for antidepressants or medications…there most certainly is. But I didn't listen to my gut. I didn't get a second opinion. And I lost ten years of my prime because of it.

I'm not knocking the medical profession either. I was married to an excellent physician. They have such a difficult life. They work long, hard hours. But too many of them offer a prescription for medicine instead of a prescription for health. I worked for an old school doctor many years ago. He told me he was taught as a new physician to give a prescription to every patient. For one, it gives them the impression you care about them and it also puts your name and number in their medicine chest. That way they are likely to come back when there's another problem.

The medical treadmill is difficult to jump off of. When I hear of people taking fifteen to twenty medications a day, I cringe. I graduated from Zoloft to Prozac which quite literally made me crazy. Then they gave me Dexedrine (uppers) to counteract ADD symptoms. Ativan (downers) to counteract the speedy effect of Dexedrine. Narcotics were soon added for the bad headaches I got from the meds. I progressed from Darvocet to Percocet to Demerol injections to Stadol with Compazine to Thorazine (basically an animal tranquilizer). I was being told, week in and week out, that this is just how I was. My brain had a "chemical imbalance" and I was going to be this way the rest of my life. I was going to have to take all this medicine every day…forever. Well, how depressing is that? Top that with a marriage falling apart at my feet, a half-empty nest, and a child to raise…I disintegrated and nearly died. It took a different psychiatrist nearly four years to convince me I didn't have a chemical imbalance in my brain and my focus should be getting OFF of medicine, OUT of therapy and LIVE my life.

My point is this…before we start down the road of endless prescriptions simply because we don't "feel like ourselves", maybe if we try changing our environment, eat better, sleep better, drink lots of water, stop drinking alcohol and/or smoking, exercise, meditate, pray and try that religiously for two or three weeks, we would all feel better.

Ok, here's the obligatory disclaimer. I am not a medical doctor. While I learned a lot about medicine by living with a doctor and working in the medical field for most of my adult life, that doesn't count. You have to actually have the license in your name. Sooooo, these are merely my opinions. Seek medical help when you feel it's necessary.

❤

"A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones."
Proverbs 17:22

Fixing Myself

Tue, 17 Mar 2015 01:30:00 -0600

How many of you have been in a relationship where "fixing" was the primary focus? OMGosh! That is a NO WIN situation. My second marriage was all about fixing each other. He wasn't demonstrative. I tried to fix that and magically turn him into the huggy-kissy man I needed. I was needy, overweight, and depressed and he tried to fix that and turn back the hands of time. It was exhausting and fruitless. And it wasted about ten precious years of our lives. When Mr. Virgo came along, there was nothing to be fixed. We just fit. And we could rest in that. We were an oasis in a great big desert.

Even in our everyday lives, we are often tempted to try to fix a situation. I'm practicing with one of my friends. We've been working on her bathroom for the last few weeks. There are some things I have more experience with than she does, but I give input when asked and do my best to step back and be her cheerleader. She's the one who will grow with the sense of accomplishment. I don't have to jump in and try to steal her thunder. I was telling another friend the other day about being anxious about going to a crowded theater. The answer I got was refreshing. "I can't fix that for you. But I can be your friend while you fix it." I think that response did more for me than anything. It acknowledged my feelings while setting a boundary with love and respect.

How….healthy!

❤

"“Do all that you have in mind,” his armor-bearer said. “Go ahead; I am with you heart and soul.”
1 Samuel 14:7

Antidepressants

Mon, 02 Mar 2015 02:30:00 -0600

There was a time when I was clinically depressed and I took antidepressants for about ten years which was the last half of a twenty year marriage. I wish I could say it was ALL my ex's fault but we both know that's rarely the case. That being said, once I got over the initial pain of the divorce, I didn't need antidepressants anymore so that speaks volumes about the marriage itself. Given that history, if there was ever going to be a time that I needed drugs to help me cope, it would have been since losing Mr. Virgo. But I haven't. Because I had a history of depression and had gained coping skills through therapy, I have not needed antidepressants during my grief, which has actually kind of surprised me.

As you could probably tell, I woke up low yesterday and I so appreciate your love and support. I read your posts and chatted with a friend of mine who is a ten year widow. Another friend sent me a funny video that was a parody of a "Tiny Home" that sent me into fits of laughter and I instantly felt better. I talked to a friend that always makes me laugh. I took a nap while the rain was falling on the roof of my camper. I went out to dinner and ate crab legs till I was stuffed. I got to talk to all my girls. I talked to more friends who made me laugh. And, I found a place to dump my trash!

Sometimes the wide swings between misery and relief are alarming. It is the nature of grief and as long as the general trend has you moving forward and your good days start to outweigh the bad, then you're heading in the right direction. All in all…it turned out to be a really beautiful day. The key theme was laughter…and these really cool red and yellow boots. It's all about the boots!

❤

"Even in laughter the heart may ache, and rejoicing may end in grief."
Proverbs 14:13

Home

Mon, 09 Feb 2015 02:30:00 -0600

I've been thinking of Maslow's hierarchy of needs lately. It's a theory in psychology that demonstrates human motivations. The largest need is biological and physiological…your basic life needs like air, food, drink, shelter, warmth, sleep. The next largest need is safety as in security, order, stability. Then comes love, esteem, cognitive, aesthetic, self-actualization, and transcendence. My bohemian lifestyle has thrown some of these things up in the air and I am still waiting to see how they land…much in the way we used to play "pick up sticks" when we were kids.

Ok, my biological and physical needs are being met. I have shelter, no matter what, because I can take my house wherever I choose to go. It's paid for and that offers me much more security than a big three bedroom house with a mortgage. My biggest challenge in the hierarchy is knowing where I'll be from month to month. I am an extremely flexible person…I think I've demonstrated that pretty well. There's something romantic and exciting about letting the chips fall where they may. But this concept of "home" is nebulous. It's a shapeshifter.

It was a beautiful day yesterday so I headed to see TOW-Wanda Grande after church. I found myself looking for her roofline with anticipation as I came around the bend. I opened the door and immediately felt I was home. I'm going to do a little remodel when I move back in. I want to turn the bedroom into a studio and the dinette into a bed, just like I had in little TOW-Wanda. I turned on the electric blanket and snuggled down for a little nap. Oh, I can't wait to sleep in my own bed again. Soon baby, soon…mama's comin' home!

❤

By wisdom a house is built, and by understanding it is established; by knowledge the rooms are filled with all precious and pleasant riches.
Proverbs 24:3-4 ESV

Sick Day

Sat, 17 Jan 2015 02:30:00 -0600

Darn it. Thursday night I was suddenly struck with an immensely awful GI bug. By 3:00am I nearly called someone to come take me to the ER. But I have a prescription for Zofran, the only anti nausea medicine I can take, so I just hung in there. I could hardly wait till 6:00 when the little restaurant downstairs opened. I called down and they met me at the door with four cans of Sierra Mist and a container of ice. Once I started sipping on that, things settled down. I stayed in bed all day yesterday. Fever, chills, headache. Yuck.

It really sucks being sick. It really, REALLY sucks being sick alone. I slept most of the day. Remember when your mom took care of you when you were sick? That cool hand on your forehead was heaven! I only got sick a couple of times when I was with Mr. Virgo. He didn't have any patience when he was sick, but he took good care of me when I was. It's times like this I just want to go home….wherever THAT is.

Perspective

Sat, 10 Jan 2015 02:30:00 -0600

I've battled the scale for the very last time. Yesterday was the first day in a gym in probably seventeen years. Thank God I have a friend in the same boat as me or I might not have gone. We both could think of a hundred things we would have much rather been doing on this cold, snowy morning. But, there we were.

We joined Planet Fitness because of their tag line. They are a self-proclaimed "No Judgement Zone". The fact that we can go there with our muffin tops rolling over our tres chic spandex leggings (carefully camouflaged by our slightly oversized t-shirts) and glow in front of others without some skinny little plastic Barbie doll looking at us with veiled disgust is a huge relief. Gosh, that first trip in, that first look at all these intimidating machines, that first awkward round of reps doing things in front of others that honestly should never be given the light of day, that first 10 minutes on the elliptical when you have no rhythm or sense of balance….that is an act of great bravery. That is pure strength right there. Anyone who does that, and stays, is a hero in my eyes!

And stay we did! Our cute little personal trainer, with the tight little bubble butt I have no memory of ever having, went over our fitness goals (ummmm, I'd like to lift my groceries into my car without feeling like I just bench pressed a Buick!) then showed us each machine and how to use it. My friend and I looked at each other and said "Let's DO this!" (Or maybe it was "You wanna get ice cream after?" I don't remember.) Anyway, we headed off for our cardio warmup, then did a circuit on the machines and another cardio cool down.

Feeling pretty smug, we headed into the locker room and there….right out in front of us…was the dreaded S-C-A-L-E!!! This is an instrument of the devil himself! Ok, we got on. I am brave. I am fearless. I demonstrate 190 pounds of gravitational pull. That's cool. That's not who I am. I am powerful. Now, to get strong! Follow along on an entirely NEW adventure as I reshape my vessel!

❤

The Little Engine That Could

Fri, 09 Jan 2015 02:30:00 -0600

You've heard the old adage….Whether you think you can or you think you can't…you're right. I used to exercise like a fiend. Far too much, as it turns out. Then I went to the comfortably soft end of the couch and stayed there. I've made every excuse in the book for why I "can't" exercise. It's too hot. It's too cold. I'm too tired. I have a headache. I'm SO out of shape, there is NO way I'm going to get back. Mr. Virgo died and I don't want to go out there alone. Yeah, right. The truth is, I just plain DON'T WANT TO! However…my body is starting to change my mind for me. I'm finding it more difficult to get up off that comfy couch…literally as well as figuratively. I'm finding myself short of breath at the top of these stairs to the apartment where I am house sitting. I'm finding clothes don't fit right and I'm getting entirely TOO comfortable in mom jeans and leggings.

Don't get me wrong…I don't care what anyone else thinks of me or how I look. But I want more than what I am giving myself. I want more energy. I want more stamina. I want more socialization. I want more fun. I want more of everything good and I'm not going to get it by sitting on the sofa, day in and day out, eating ice cream and not taking care of myself. Exercise will accomplish all these goals as well as go a long way in controlling the grief junk that has risen it's head far too often. A couple of days ago, one of my friends (who is a widow) went with me to the gym to sign up. They were having an amazing deal on membership so we couldn't pass it up. Then last night she invited me to the local cycling club meeting to meet members and see if it's something I'm interested in. They were such genuine people and welcomed me with open arms even though I haven't touched a bicycle in years. Today my friend and I go for our first orientation meeting at the gym. I'm not going overboard. I'm not going all Rambo and do three aerobics classes a day like I used to do 20 years ago. I'm just going to move around a little bit. I'm going to get the blood flowing and get stronger and meet some new people and have a little fun. And I'm going to wake up even more because…I think I can!

❤

The Gift

Tue, 23 Dec 2014 02:30:00 -0600

Christmas was big in our house. Mr. Virgo listened…to every little gasp at something beautiful that caught my eye. To every little "Darn it…I wish I had _, it would make this job so much easier." To every shiver in the cold or gaze through a shop window…he listened, and watched, and waited. He hid things…in his sock drawer, in his briefcase, in his cowboy boot on the back of the top shelf. Boxes arrived and I was forbidden entry to his closet for a month. He listened…and he planned…and he schemed. And when the time came to open presents, he sat with eager anticipation…not for what HE was going to get. No…he wanted to see the look on my face when I opened…the…perfect…present. He never disappointed. Well, ok…there WAS the year he gave me a flintlock rifle because he thought it would look good hanging over the TV, but I've long since forgiven him for that. ;-) He spoiled me rotten. He indulged me. And I miss that. Not the "stuff". I mean, if I really wanted something, I would find a way to get it. That's not the issue. I miss the production, the anticipation, the execution of the surprise. I miss the attention. I miss the love.

I have people who love me. I have people who buy me things and they are sweet and tender and the thought that someone has gone out of their way to give me a gift is touching. I have a friend who sends me a little something from Tiffany every year because he knows my heart races when I see that blue box. I get portraits of my grandchildren. I get Starbucks gift cards and lunch or dinner (or both) out. I get cards and hugs. And I am grateful. I am blessed.

Still…nothing compares to the Ghost of Christmas Past. I need to change my focus or I'll just keep missing what I do not have. So, this year I have compiled a list of gifts I am going to give myself this Christmas.

Time. This year, same as last, I'm giving myself the gift of time. Time to heal. Time to take care of myself. Time to learn and grow and change. Grief is not linear. It is not finite. It is an ongoing process that takes attention and I will give myself time.
Love. I will love myself tenderly and be gentle with my spirit. It has been wounded and it needs to be loved back to health. I will love Jesus with renewed intention as He is my Rock, my Healer, my Savior in all things. I will love my family and my friends because they are my cheerleaders, my support, my haven.
Health. I will take better care of myself and honor the body I have been given to carry me around in. I will walk. I will set and meet goals. I will live and breathe and feel every moment of my life.
Permission. I will give myself permission to live freely, to love with abandon, to learn with passion, to break through barriers that hold me back from being fully present in each moment.
Forgiveness. I will give myself the gift of forgiveness. For not being perfect. For not being skinny or athletic. For not using sunscreen or flossing regularly. For being short tempered when I've been tired. For a million little things that keep me too occupied with what has already happened to allow me to truly be open to the opportunities life throws at me every day.
An Open Heart. I will renew my vow to keep my heart wide open, even when I feel it may be in danger of getting stepped on, or tripped over. I will take care of it, surely. But I will not be afraid to love again.
Compassion. For myself. For others. For the world.

Seven gifts. One for each day of the week. Gifts that I can rotate and keep giving myself over and over and over. I won't have to take them back…they're just the right size. And if I keep giving myself these gifts, I'll have such an abundance of time, love, health, permission, forgiveness, heart, and compassion that the surplus will just overflow and splash all over everyone around me.

It is not selfish to give yourself such gifts. This is a difficult time of year. High self-expectations lead to stress and disappointment. We are overextended…physically, mentally, emotionally, financially. Add the stress of grief to that and you have a recipe for disaster. Give yourself the gift of self care.

You cannot water a garden if your well is dry. Fill it up!

❤