Love on Marshmallow Ranch

Keeping the Light On

Wed, 21 May 2025 01:30:00 -0600

Sometimes this ol’ world seems pretty dark…darker than I’ve ever known it to be. It’s been dark before, but it always seems like the worst darkness is the one you’re walking through in the moment. I keep it my life’s mission to shine the Light of God into my little corner of the world. My sphere of influence may be small, but I pray my words are true and if there are those out there who need them, they find them. I pray I can reach people. I pray they find me. I pray.

Sometimes my life seems filled with the mundane matters of life…the everyday busy work that keeps things going. Then I’ll get a message, a nudge, a God wink that someone needs to hear. To hear something they can’t hear by themselves. That’s when I feel deeply connected to the words I’m given to share.

I received a text yesterday from Hubby #1. He’s doing really well after his heart and kidney transplants in the last year. He feels better than he has in a decade. He’s outside, doing things like shoveling two truckloads of mulch onto their landscaping. He’s happy as a clam to get out and LIVE again. There’s still a lot of healing to do yet. The decade of severe illness, as well as the trauma of the transplants themselves, has taken its toll and they both are working to heal the injuries no one but God can see. They have love, they have faith, and they have hope again.

He sent me a text to see about getting together with my brother this summer. They haven’t seen each other in such a long time, he just wanted to check with me to see if there was anything he needed to know before a visit, like stamina, physical status, etc. I was touched that he would make a special trip to see my Bubby. Before Hubby #2 got so sick, he and his wife would drive the five hours to come pick up my brother just to take him out for a meal and spend some time together.

This got me to thinking about the dynamic we have worked hard to nurture. I know this doesn’t work for everyone, and I know there are cases….probably more often than not…where it is healthier to just go your separate ways and that’s that. Even though my marriages weren’t always healthy when we were together, there was enough love there to work hard at creating a loving and supportive friendship that would last over our lifetimes. It was very important to me, not just for us, but for the kids and grandkids.

When I married Mr. FixIt, Mrs. FixIt 1.0 came with the deal as far as I was concerned. I didn’t push, I didn’t have an agenda, there was no timeline. I just knew in my heart, that to get love, you must give love. I dearly love my husband’s first wife. We talk on the phone, sometimes every day, sometimes for an hour or more. We both know we have a mutual respect for our positions in the family, and the kids and grandkids feel that. They never feel like they’re in the middle or that they have to choose. Every time I get off the phone with her, I thank him for bringing her into my life…giving me such a good friend.

I know it could have been a lot different. When my second marriage fell apart, I was broken. I prayed hard that God would heal my family. Of course, my idea was that we would get back together and be one big happy family. Then one day I realized…God DID heal my family. He taught me a way to grow love where hurt used to be. He showed me how to forgive where anger got in the way. He taught me how to share the ones I love with the ones they love. He gave me a family…a healed and whole family that’s more than TWICE the size it was before.

He gave me another chance. Who am I to waste that gift? God kept the light on for me. He’ll keep it on for you, too.

And…so will I.

🩵🔆🩵

“The Lord isn’t really being slow about his promise, as some people think. No, he is being patient for your sake. He does not want anyone to be destroyed, but wants everyone to repent.” ‭‭2 Peter‬ ‭3‬:‭9‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Gratitude Journal 
Today, I am grateful for the extended family God has given me that reaches across the divide of divorce to form a new kind of love and respect for each other.

He Loves Me…He Loves Me Not

Sun, 18 May 2025 01:30:00 -0600

Do you remember your first crush? I do. His name was Brett…or, maybe it was Kevin. We rode the bus together on a school trip. We kinda had a moment. He reached out and took my hand as we looked out the window at the landscape blurring by. My heart about pounded out of my chest. I had absolutely NO idea what the protocol was on hand-holding. I mean, how hard to you hold his hand? I’m taking it the vice grip I settled on wasn’t it. How long do you hold hands? Is there a prescribed time, or do you just hang on till one of you has to pee or dies of embarrassment? I was probably fifteen…definitely a late bloomer.

I knew NOTHING. My friend Ann told me about periods and that you get pregnant when a boy does something with his hand but I had no idea how THAT worked. My mom wanted me to stay in the dark and be an old maid. I probably would have if it hadn’t been for the other half of the school trip I was on.

We were in Gatlinburg, TN staying at a Travel Lodge. There was a stream roaring right behind the motel. I’d never been on a bus. I’d never been away from my mother. I’d never seen the inside of a motel room. This was all SO exciting and my mind was racing. It seemed like my hand-holding faux pas nipped the crush in the bud. Teenagers are nothing if they aren’t adaptable.

We were all running up and down the balcony walkways, talking and laughing and looking into everyone’s room to see what was happening. I was talking with someone when I looked in one of the rooms and there he was…my future husband. Oh…no, it wasn’t a crush thing. He wore striped pants and a polka dot shirt and he was calling his mom to let her know we were there safely. I didn’t see him as “my type.” The closest thing to “my type” that I could think of was Jay of Jay and the Americans. He was dreamy.

But, as fate would have it, three years later that fellow and I were dating and at the VERY young age of nineteen, I became his bride and we moved to England for his tour of duty in the Air Force. Ours was the tender teenage love of the movies. He courted me relentlessly till I gave in and went out with him. Hubby #1…the father of Daughter #1. It was a complicated relationship and failed out of nothing more than naïveté and disillusionment.

I remember those sunny days when we were first dating…the summer of ‘69…the Beatles…the Ed Sullivan Show…Armstrong walked on the moon. Woodstock. The Summer of Love. Firsts. Lots and lots of firsts. But running through it all is a memory of laying in the grass at the top of our hill pulling the petals off of daisies.

He loves me. He loves me not.

If I’d only known then what I know now. Good thing it doesn’t work that way. I may not have my beautiful daughter and I wouldn’t be who I am now. I’ve said it before…I’ll say it again. We cannot rewrite history. I don’t think I would if I could. Besides, God put me where he wanted me. It may not have been for a lifetime, but it certainly was for some valuable life lessons.

🩵

“When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things. Now we see things imperfectly, like puzzling reflections in a mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely.” ‭‭1 Corinthians‬ ‭13‬:‭11‬-‭12‬ ‭NLT‬‬

***Gratitude Journal***   
Today, I am grateful for all the lessons I’ve learned in life and for a loving God who waited for me patiently.

Mr. FixIt’s Got an Owwwwy

Thu, 15 May 2025 01:30:00 -0600

Poor Mr. FixIt. He was a rough and tumble guy all his life and he’s paying the price with back pain. We’ve been jumping through the usual hoops…first, Physical Therapy…then, injections (for the last couple of years)…and now, an ablation. If you don’t know what that is, they find the exact nerves that are sending crazy pain signals and then…well, then they torch them. I know, right? It sure doesn’t sound pleasant to me. But they say it should ease his pain tremendously and last for at least a year. I’m sure hoping so, because he’s been miserable for so long and it affects his ability to do a lot of things he loves.

I sat in the cubicle while he was back in the procedure room. The ablation takes about three times as long as the injections so I was prepared with some knitting. Everything was fine, then I heard something on the overhead.

“Stroke alert, Room 16. Stroke alert, Room 16.”

My heart sank. I felt the all too familiar surge of adrenalin course through my body and thought…”No, no, no! Not again!” I took inventory of what was going on around me.

Did the person calling the alert sound like it was an emergency?

No.

Did the staff in the Spine Center seem on alert?

Not at all. It was as though they didn’t even hear it.

I told myself, if they aren’t worried, I’m not worried. But I’m telling ya…I was sure relieved when I heard Mr. FixIt’s sweet voice as they wheeled him back to me. I whispered a quick, “Thank you, Jesus!” and tears stung my eyes.

So, we live to see another day.

He did well. We need to keep ice on for 20 minutes then off for 20 during the first 24 hours. When the numbing wears off, he’s liable to have quite a bit of pain and wonder if he should have done this. But, after the first week, things start to settle down then improve steadily for the first month. I’m hoping this is a good fix for him so he can enjoy life again. He deserves some relief from this incessant pain.

We stopped on the way home and bought six lavender plants for the pollinator gardens. While Mr. FixIt snoozed the afternoon away, I puttered in the back yard with planting things. I mowed the back yard after supper but it had gotten so thick and deep. Our push mower is a piece of junk, so finally I gave up and brought the riding mower into that confined space. It took a lot of maneuvering but it was SO much quicker…even with the time it took to blow the grass off the sidewalks with the leaf blower.

By the time I got all that done, I was beat. I’m glad we don’t have much to do in the coming week!

🩵

“A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit saps a person’s strength.” ‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭17‬:‭22‬ ‭NLT‬‬

***Gratitude Journal***   
Today, I am grateful for the good doctors that care for us. I am grateful God sent us on this journey together so we could be each other’s helpmates through life.

The Lone Pine

Sun, 02 Mar 2025 02:30:00 -0600

When I wake up in my “inside bed” and look out the window, I see the sun hitting the ridge line on the other side of the near field. Through the bare bones of the deciduous trees stands a lone pine tree…tall and statuesque. I smile when I see her in her evergreen glory watching over the valley floor below. We have some mighty winds that come through here from time to time and I always worry that one day I’ll look up and she’ll be gone.

This lone pine has stood there for decades since she broke through the emergent layer of the forest…thin shoots of oak from acorns and pine from pinecones and all the underbrush that grows beneath the towering trees. It’s not easy for them to make it to their grand heights. There’s steep competition for sunlight and nutrients not to mention the threats of disease and injury.

Since I’ve been back in West Virginia, I’ve been intrigued by the myriad varieties of trees growing in the hills of Appalachia, so I’ve been studying them. Every once in a while, I’ll see a walnut or hickory tree growing when they aren’t really close to others of that ilk. Interestingly, squirrels are natures most prolific tree planter. They bury seeds and nuts here and there to sustain them over the long winter months when food is scarce. Fortunately for us, they sometimes forget where they buried them all so they sprout and can grow into trees. They’re the little furry Johnny Appleseeds of the forest.

There’s a hickory tree along the driveway out at the farm. I usually gather up the nuts when they’re still encased in their hulls. Sometimes I dry and hull them, but there’s never enough to do anything with. Usually I set them out on the front porch and eventually the squirrels or chipmunks find them, leaving the dried hulls behind as evidence.

It made me think about the good things we leave out in the world unseen. The things that may feed us when times are lean, or that feed others when they’re in trouble. Things like kindness, charity, goodwill, honor, diplomacy, friendship…love. Things that we give to the world and to others knowing full well they cannot give in return. These are the things that show the true character of us as a people. Standing up for the downtrodden is the most honorable thing we can do. Our forefathers died to lift up the least of these in the image of Christ.

Whether planting a tree or planting the seeds of love, it’s a noble thing indeed. Let us always strive to be the beacons of light for those less fortunate.

☘️

“Starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam; so drop the matter before a dispute breaks out.” ‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭17‬:‭14‬ ‭NIV‬‬

***Gratitude Journal***   
Today I am grateful that I have Jesus as a Savior and a role model.

The Equality of Marriage

Sun, 26 May 2024 01:30:00 -0600

Meme Credit: Internet

Last night one of my knitting friends sent me this meme and asked if we could relate. OMGosh! Yes! I love this man with the white-hot heat of the sun. I don’t have a problem going into Rural King and drooling over the power tools for an hour. But ask him which he likes better…the Carolina Sunset fingering weight or the Chunky Monkey wool blend and his eyes glaze over. Sweat starts to bead up and he may suddenly need some fresh air. You’d think I’d asked him to drop trou for a prostate exam in front of everybody.

Men are just different animals entirely. My husband is one of the most patient men I’ve ever known. And if I asked him to go in the yarn shop with me, he probably would. But for the same reason he doesn’t ask me to the bowling alley anymore, I don’t insist he accompany me on one of my junkets into the world of all things yarn. We both know which one leads to a happy ending.

We have an ongoing “battle”…if you want to call it that…over the pool. I think it’s a time and money suck that’s never ending. I’d like to take the pool out and put in a lovely outdoor living area with the grill at one end and a fire pit at the other. Perhaps a pergola or a covered area where we could sit in the cool of the evening and enjoy our yard. Instead, we have an elevated deck whose boards are slowly decaying one, three, ten at a time. And the pool looks like it’s a leftover movie prop from The Creature of The Black Lagoon.

But here’s where my love for him comes in. After questioning his sanity for ten minutes as to WHY he wants to keep pouring money and time into something that we get in four times over the summer and that’s just to clean it…I smile and take him to the store to get the required chemicals and parts and sand, etc. etc. etc. Why? Because, he likes the pool more than he likes the idea of changing it. And that’s ok. It’s not going to break the bank. After all, I DO buy yarn and books on occasion and I could certainly do without those, too. We are of an age where we balance our needs and wants based on joy and good stewardship.

We got the cover up on the pergola. I vacuumed the bottom of the pool to get up some of the leaves. We bought new chair cushions, but we need to power wash the chairs before we set them out. We need to change out a few boards that are rotten and then power wash the deck and water seal it. It makes no sense to me, but neither does five tubs of yarn and fabric down in the basement make sense to him. It’s give and take in any good marriage and I’m grateful for the opportunity to have this beautiful life…even when we make each other just a little bit crazy!

I hope you all are having a great weekend!

🩵

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”
1 Corinthians 13:4-7 NIV

Finding Peace Where I Can Get It

Mon, 13 May 2024 01:30:00 -0600

I celebrated Mother’s Day in quite the organic way. Sleeping in the camper and waking up to the beautiful sounds of songbirds all around me was a lovely way to wake up. Mr. FixIt texting me a tender Mother’s Day greeting. Fixing a lovely breakfast of Popcorn Pancakes, turkey sausage and eggs. And a pot of decaf coffee! Going off coffee completely a couple years ago was healing to my body. I’ve replaced it with RYZE Mushroom Coffee, but I’ve still missed the occasional cuppa. Decaf has saved the day by allowing me coffee without all that buzz and acid.

Not too long after breakfast, I told Mr. FixIt I wanted to go out and mow. He said, “Awwww, honey…you don’t need to do that.” Meaning, I didn’t need to spend Mother’s Day mowing as if it was just any other day. I smiled and said, “It’s not work…it’s meditation time!” It was a beautiful day. I started receiving messages from all my peeps to wish me a Happy Mother’s Day. Yet, it was getting along in the evening after supper and I still hadn’t heard from my girls.

The old me would have jumped on the hamster wheel that is my brain and start imagining that they don’t love me. I would have ruminated on every minor and major mistake I ever made in parenting and concluded I was a failure at being a mom. This is what happens when you are the child of an alcoholic and suffer from childhood trauma and PTSD. Lots of therapy and personal growth has changed how I view things, how I deal with disappointments, how I live my life. It’s a much better landscape in my head these days. Once I let go of all expectations of how other people treat me or think about me or DON’T think about me…I became free to just accept the love that comes my way and give the love I have to others while keeping a generous portion for my “self”.

Then, lo and behold…I went out to gaze at my pollinator gardens and get some more pictures when Daughter #1 called. We had a long, lovely conversation and, this strong woman I raised (who keeps her cards close to her vest) told me she loved me. Within the hour, Daughter #2 called with the same message. I was barely off the phone when Daughter #3, my bonus WV daughter called and that made three! My daughter-in-law checked in first thing in the morning. My bonus son is a guy so, you know…it’s different with guys.

Actually, Mr. FixIt Jr. did something for me this weekend. He was so impressed by my photos of the Northern Lights that he submitted them to the local TV station and they ran with the feature story about sightings. That was pretty cool! You can see it here: https://www.wtap.com/2024/05/12/northern-lights-reached-mid-ohio-valley-friday-night/

Overall, it was probably my best Mother’s Day in a long time and for that I am most grateful. Allowing life to unfold as it will makes it so much sweeter.

🌸☀️🌸

“Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.”
Proverbs 22:6 NIV

In Search of the Lights

Sun, 12 May 2024 01:30:00 -0600

I met the Former Mrs. FixIt and my bonus daughter yesterday at the library for the stitching class. The rest were doing a fun beach cross stitch and I elected to work on the sampler I salvaged from my needlework shop back in 2006. The border needed to be finished perfectly to get the rest of the stitches to fit exactly right. I was off by ONE THREAD. I was worried I would have to rip a lot of the stitches out, but when I took the time and counted threads, I found the error. I only had to rip out about an inch of stitches in order to correct the error and now it’s perfect!

We went out for a late lunch together and celebrated Mother’s Day early. When I got home, I went out to pick a large bouquet of pink peonies and tucked the mum in that Mrs. FixIt 1.0 gave me. It was so nice to spend time together in an unhurried and relaxing way.

We caught some beautiful lights in the heavens Friday night. The news said more was in store last night. We’re going to go out to the cemetery when my family members rest in peace. The sky is open on top of that hill so we should get a beautiful view of the Northern Lights. I’m going to leave you with more of the photos I took last night. I hope to be back with more tomorrow.

It’s Mother’s Day…a day that is hard for many people. Those who have lost their mom find it difficult to celebrate. Those who wanted to be a mom and couldn’t feel that every year. And those who have suffered the horror of losing their children are forced to endure the endless reminders of their loss. It can be a mixed bag. Happiness and sorrow can be held in the same hand.

🩵

“Honor her for all that her hands have done, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.”
Proverbs 31:31 NIV

NOW We Can Relax!!!

Sun, 28 Apr 2024 01:30:00 -0600

Leaning on a lamp post at Corolla Lighthouse on Friday.

The kids took off for home yesterday morning. We went out for breakfast then Mr. FixIt and I packed up the camper and moved a few miles down the road to our favorite place. (I’ll tell you where when we leave next weekend.) We got by with the bare necessities at the other campground because we didn’t want to haul everything out for just two nights then have to do it all over again. Now we have our outdoor kitchen out with all the frou-frou stuff set up.

It was still pretty cool, cloudy, and a little windy yesterday but the weather is supposed to start warming up today. While I fixed supper, Mr. FixIt got our fishing gear ready so we can go out and try our luck. Even if you don’t catch a thing, you’re out there having fun and enjoying the views and each other’s company. We both enjoy camping so much…especially at the beach. We both remarked how the weight of the world leaves your shoulders when you get to the beach.

I brought a couple of salmon filets with us and fixed those with the last of Loraine’s fresh asparagus. I also microwaved those little baby potatoes, so we enjoyed quite the feast for our first night here in the dunes. We have several camping trips this summer, so we would rather spend our money on food to cook rather than going out to restaurants if we are in a place where the kitchen can be set up.

As I sat here writing, Mr. FixIt reminded me to make the reservations for our fall beach camping trip. We also want to go over to the Eastern Panhandle and visit my Uncle Bud and cousins a couple weeks after we get back from this trip. We haven’t seen them since last spring. It’s a shame to be in the same state and not get over there to see them, so we’re going to rectify that.

One of the things we love about camping on the Outer Banks is the close proximity to sunsets over the sound and sunrises over the ocean. Mr. FixIt’s favorite thing to do at the beach, other than fishing, is to see God’s handiwork at the start and the end of each day. Sometimes the weather doesn’t cooperate. And sometimes it’s pretty darned chilly, but I brought plenty of warm clothes with us this year so I’m well prepared to accompany him on his daily jaunts.

I’m just so happy to be here with my sweetheart. It wasn’t all that long ago that I was newly widowed and couldn’t believe there would ever be joy in my life again. Whenever Mr. FixIt steps on my last nerve, I remind myself how different my life could be if he hadn’t found me. We both consider this the greatest gift and that is worthy of showing appreciation…frequently!

☀️

”May the Lord repay you for what you have done. May you be richly rewarded by the Lord, the God of Israel, under whose wings you have come to take refuge.”“
Ruth 2:12 NIV

Be a Good Human

Mon, 08 Apr 2024 01:30:00 -0600

I sat in the car in the parking lot, waiting for the hour of visitation. I called Daughter #1 to pass the time and catch up with her week. She was on spring break and her voice was light and happy and well rested. It did this mama’s heart good. I listened carefully…enjoying every moment I got to hear her voice. It’s hard being so far away from her. When she had shared her latest exploits, it was my turn. I told her I was preparing to do a good human thing. A Pastor friend of mine shared a post asking for community support for a woman I did not know. I rang off and headed inside.

A woman was sitting inside the funeral home…shell-shocked, red-rimmed eyes, with a stare I immediately recognized as profound grief. I’ve never met this lady, but I know her mama’s heart. She was sitting in a room with her son. Another woman sat silently on the other side of her. Her daughter was laying in what looks like a homemade casket that was painted grey and there was a massive spray of funeral flowers on top.

While I stood in line, I looked at a large array of photos carefully attached to a foam core board. A display of this life cut short. I saw photos of the little boy she was while growing up. A serious, sensitive face with deep, soulful eyes. My eyes roamed over her life as she became who she was meant to be so that her outside matched her inside. These photos were profoundly different. Smiling eyes, rolling laughter, silly shenanigans. Her long, soft hair was the color of amber honey.

These smiles were deceiving. She was happy to be who she was, but…like so many in the LGBTQ+ community, she was soundly ostracized for her expression of self. Junior High and High School were scarred with relentless bullying till the once happy and bubbly girl retreated and became socially isolated. I don’t know the details of her passing, but I can read between the lines.

Why did I come here? Because, when my youngest child was growing up, we went through the same things. While she isn’t trans, she is non-binary and that made her different. And different is a target. I came to show this bereft mama bear that she wasn’t alone…that her daughter’s life meant something to the world. The world just wasn’t ready for her. Not here, anyway. Not in WV.

The local political commercials are chock full of hateful anti-trans rhetoric. Grown-assed adults standing up there in front of the camera spewing fear, hate, and anger all over these humans who are only trying to be left alone to live their lives and do the best they can to figure it all out. What must it be like to KNOW you aren’t wanted? That you are reviled and thought of as less than human? What must that do the adolescent and young adult psyche? It chaps me to no end.

Why can’t those who profess to be Christian just love like Jesus loves? I read a meme about Jimmy Carter yesterday… “Jimmy Carter is an elegant reminder that Christianity is a practice, not a declaration.” If you love Jesus, act like Him. Show some compassion. Hug a stranger in their grief. And if you hear of a member of the LGBTQ+ community that has passed away in their prime, don’t be afraid to go to the visitation and hug their mama. You DON’T have to agree with the person’s life choices to be a kind and compassionate human. We as a people are so busy judging others, we’re forgetting the most important lesson Jesus left us with.

“If you love me, keep my commandments.”

Yet Jesus also said, “I give you a new commandment: love one another. Just as I have loved you, you must also love one another.”

Be a good human.

💔

”My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. You are my friends if you do what I command.“
John 15:12-14 NIV

Celebrating Mr. Virgo

Wed, 13 Mar 2024 01:30:00 -0600

Yesterday marked eleven years he’s been gone. Mr. FixIt held me the night before and kissed the top of my head. His voice was soft as he stroked my hair and offered me love and support. I thanked him for making room in our marriage for Mr. Virgo’s memory. He said, “Of course! He will always be a part of your heart and mind.” He’s such a wonderful man.

Every year is different, yet the undercurrent of “gone, but not forgotten” runs ever present…like the background hum of electricity. We celebrated Mr. Virgo yesterday with one of the meals he taught me to make. Liver and onions. I hated that meal when Grandma made it. She cooked it to death and it tasted dry like shoe leather. Mr. Virgo taught me to flash fry it and serve it when it was just barely pink in the center. The onions had to be browned low and slow to get that beautiful caramelized finish that really brings out the flavor. I added steamed fresh asparagus and air fried seasoned potatoes.

I also baked an apple pie. This is the second time I’ve used the wrong apples and been disappointed with the results. I used eating apples instead of cooking apples because that’s what I had that needed using up. At any rate, when I served up a slice to Mr. FixIt, I told him what Mr. Virgo would say. Every time he heard that I had been a competitive baker, he’d snort with mock derision and say, “Well, I wouldn’t know anything about that…she never bakes for me!” There was a reason…if I baked, we’d eat the whole thing. As it was, I gained a lot of weight when we were together because I got tired of cooking myself a separate meal and I began eating all that yummy meat and potatoes he was so fond of. I really have to watch it here because in typical male fashion, West Virginia comfort foods are in big demand.

We need to plant the irises that we dug up in the vacant lot Monday afternoon. We’ve settled on an area along the fence along the top of the stair well to the basement. We see it every day, and it’s nice and warm there, well drained and full-sun. I can’t wait till they bloom. They are as close to black as you can get in a flower. The spot we chose has sunk down over the years so we are going to dig up some dirt from the creek bank and then put topsoil over that. We have a bunch of rock that surrounded an old flowerbed and I want to place them around the periphery.

The afternoon was so warm and sunny. While the pie was baking, I took a walk down to the pollinator gardens to see if anything is popping up and so far it’s just grasses. We don’t even have dandelions yet. It won’t be long though. I came back up in time to take the pie out of the oven, then pulled my chair out of the building and sat in the sunshine to knit for a while. I’m nearly finished with the first sock of Sue’s pair.

Friends checked in throughout the day and sent their loving thoughts. It was a great day to toast an awesome man…WITH an awesome man!

This is an awesome life and I am filled with gratitude for its beauty.

🌷

”And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds,“
Hebrews 10:24 NIV

Another Project Finished

Sun, 03 Mar 2024 02:30:00 -0600

We had the most delightful day yesterday. Mr. FixIt had to take it easy after his procedure on Friday, so he was banished to the Big Red Chair. I finished the Dragon Scale Gloves. If you can read knitting, you can see a couple of errors, but to the untrained eye…they are quite passable. I’m sure they’re going to love them! I certainly had more fun making these than I’ve had knitting in some time.

We were looking for something to watch yesterday afternoon. Something we would both enjoy. Mr. Virgo and I used to watch all the civil war films and documentaries and it’s been a long time since I’ve seen them. We decided on Gettysburg. One of these days, I’d like to go there and see the battlefield myself.

Mr. Virgo told me a story about going there with his Boy Scout Troop as a young boy. The group was on a walking tour, heading down a dirt road, looking for a burial site. The fathers were scanning the area, checking their maps and trying to get their bearings. At some point, Mr. Virgo walked over and tugged on his dad’s sleeve.

“Dad, they’re buried down over that ridge.”

“I’m sorry,” said his dad. “What do you mean? How could you possibly know that?”

“Because, I was a soldier and I was here.”

Everyone looked at him like they’d seen a ghost, but they took his direction and walked over the hill. Sure enough, they found what they were looking for. Mr. Virgo was like that. He just “knew things.” No explanation. Later on that day, the troop came upon a white house with a large front porch. A woman stood on the porch and greeted the boys.

“Come! Come! Sit here on the porch and have some lemonade and cookies and cool off. My husband will be along shortly to talk to you boys and tell you what happened here,” she said.

The boys did as they were told and were enjoying their refreshments when they noticed the fathers suddenly standing up and saluting. A kindly man in period dress came out and greeted the visitors before settling into a rocking chair. He regaled them with stories of who had lived in the house and what the battle was like at that particular spot. After and hour or so, the gentleman bid them farewell and headed back into the house.

On the way home, Mr. Virgo asked his dad who the man was.

“Son, that was General Dwight D. Eisenhower…the former President of the United States.”

It was a memory that he cherished his entire life. Those men…our father’s generation…were called the Greatest Generation. They were the men who fought in World War II and Korea. They saved the world from the devastation wreaked by Hitler…a man intent on conquering the world and becoming the ultimate ruler for all time. I pray we have learned from that era.

I was an extra in a movie back in the ‘80s. I have a pretty good understanding of the logistics that go into a cinematic production. The logistics of the film Gettysburg is a marvel. That last battle scene with hundreds and hundreds of people fighting is incredible. And to think what it must have been like for our great grandfathers who fought in the Civil War. It’s unbearable to think something like this could happen again.

I pray there will be a day where there is no more war this side of heaven.

🩵

”“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”“
John 16:33 NIV

When Your Heart Hurts

Sat, 02 Mar 2024 02:30:00 -0600

My heart hurts every day. I hate election years. And, let’s face it…when ISN’T it an election year anymore. Between that, the Medicare enrollment period, and the regular news of tragedy after tragedy, we are constantly bombarded with horrific images and rhetoric. So, how do we cope with all these things? I decided to sit down and come up with a list of things I can actively do to help reduce the stress I feel around these uncertain times. I’m sure you can add things, too. Let’s work together to bring more love and light into the world. Here’s what I came up with:

Above all, I pray and read the Bible. This centers me and keeps me connected to God. He is my anchor in all things.
I limit my exposure to the news. Watching it play out on TV is much more traumatic than reading the highlights in small bites. I am still well informed. I’m just not so overwhelmed.
I eat right. A healthy diet goes a long way toward keeping your emotions on an even keel.
I have a set bedtime every night. I put my phone in “Do Not Disturb” mode and put my electronics down at least thirty minutes before I settle down to sleep.
When I lay down and relax to go to sleep and my mind is racing, I take a deep breath. I don’t embrace the thought or give it energy. I tell myself, “There is nothing I can do about this right this moment.” Then I let it go and, of all things, focus on my feet. I move them around a bit, rub them together. Then I hold them still and concentrate on what I can feel. The pressure of one foot on the other. The feel of the sheet on my skin. The pressure of the mattress from below and the blankets up above. I am asleep in five to ten minutes. I have been sleeping a solid eight or nine hours a night with my current regimen.
Get some fresh air and exercise every day. I’m not always as good at this as I would like, but I try.
Find a hobby. I knit, crochet, quilt, sew, paint, and write. These things are great outlets and help relax me.
Garden. I can’t keep a houseplant alive all winter but I really enjoy my flower gardens in the summer.
Avoid overspending. It’s easy to shop your way into debt trying to make yourself feel better but it’s only going to come back and compound your stress when the bills come in.
Find someone to talk to. Go out for coffee. Go for a walk in the park. Check out that new thrift shop around the corner. Find a group of like-minded people to knit with or a book club.
Be of service to others. Help at a food bank or shelter or the local hospital. Deliver meals to shut-ins. Read to a shut-in. Write handwritten letters to people.
Block all those texts and emails you’re getting from political candidates. If you are inclined to donate to your chosen candidate, you don’t need all those intrusions to make you more inclined. For me, it makes me LESS interested in supporting someone that won’t leave me alone.
Avoid drinking and drugs. They may make you feel a little bit better in the short run, but they are detrimental to your health and wellbeing.

Send out as much love into the world that you possibly can on a daily basis. Jesus spread love everywhere he went. He didn’t pound people over the head and threaten them to get them to comply. He lead people. He didn’t scare them into following him.

Be the love and light of Jesus at every turn.

You’ll feel better. We’ll all feel better. Let’s make it a better world.

🩵

”“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”“
John 13:34-35 NIV

This is My Heart

Sat, 24 Feb 2024 02:30:00 -0600

This guy right here…he’s been mine since the day I was born. I’m not sure my mom knew anything was wrong with Bubby till I was around two years old. A lot came down on my mom around then. Her brother was killed in a plane crash in Germany. And they told her my big brother had Cerebral Palsy and had intellectual disabilities. It was a hard time for her…for all of us. So much sadness. I didn’t understand what any of that meant at the time. He was just my Bubby. I was his champion. I interpreted his speech for others. I protected him from bullies. He was my whole world and I’ve loved him forever.

Remember when I told you a couple of weeks ago that I had a couple of special people with health issues? One of them was my Bubby. They called me on a Wednesday afternoon and they told me he was in the ambulance heading to the hospital. His nurse said it was dire and could I come right away? Traveling from West Virginia to Colorado in the winter is wicked awful and bloody expensive. Of COURSE I would go, but I asked her to please wait to see what the ER doctor said. Thank God they were able to give him medication and get him straightened up, but the kept him overnight for observation, just to be sure he was ok.

He’s fine now. It was an abnormal heart rate due to a medication change. This time. But I know it’s likely there will be a time when I’ll have to make that emergency trip to be with him when he needs me. I can’t bring him here. It’s a matter of funding. If he changes to West Virginia funding, it could take ten years to find a placement. He’s much better being where he is with people who know him and love him.

We had his annual review Thursday and it did my heart good to see him happy and doing well. We are both enjoying seeing each other on the Echo Show a couple of times a week. And, we’ll see him this summer during our annual trip to Colorado. In the meantime, the staff sends me pictures from time to time so I can see what he’s been up to. His latest adventure is ROCK CLIMBING!

Isn’t this the coolest thing???

Oh….my heart!

🩵

”A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity.“
Proverbs 17:17 NIV

Hold Onto Your Joy

Wed, 14 Feb 2024 02:30:00 -0600

How many times have you felt joy, only to have a negative interaction with someone and feel deflated after? It is hard to hang onto positive feelings sometimes. I’ve come to the conclusion that we are all interconnected in some way…most likely energy. This energy comes from the source…the life force…and in my life, it is God. We cannot see Him, but we see His hand in things. We cannot hear Him, but when He whispers we know He’s there. We cannot touch Him, but we can feel His presence. He is the ultimate source of energy…divine energy.

The opposite of the Love and Light of God…of the Purest Energy there is…is darkness. Evil. Satan. We are constantly walking through a battlefield between good and evil. The Bible tells us that the enemy comes only to steal, kill, and destroy. So, when we are feeling the Joy of the Lord in our lives and we encounter darkness…it tries to steal our Joy. The Bible tells us the enemy prowls around in the darkness like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.

The Bible also tells us to resist the devil and he will flee. If we submit to God and resist the devil…he WILL flee. I hang onto this and use it every day. The Lord has removed people from my life that were bearers of darkness. But I had to ask Him to remove them. Our God is polite in that He does not go where He is not invited. But work in tandem with Him and you’ll see His work all around you.

One of the hardest things I struggle with is blaming myself when things go wrong. Someone I know seemed to make a choice not to have contact with me anymore. I kicked myself and thought something I had done had caused this. Then…there she was. Something has been going on in her life that I still don’t know about. But it didn’t have anything to do with me. All that angst because I was trying to control the situation instead of asking God to take it and bless her and keep her well.

We had a lovely day yesterday. We didn’t have anywhere to go. We took the Christmas tree down…finally! I was ready. Even though I love the twinkle lights, I was ready for the return of my unfettered view out the big picture window. I was going to make salmon patties for supper last night, but I only THOUGHT I had bought salmon at the store. It turns out I did not. Instead, I made a big breakfast for supper…eggs, turkey sausage, and hash browns. I love breakfast anytime!

We don’t go out for Valentine’s Day. I remember the days when that was a big occasion in my life. To get a box of chocolates or a dozen roses seemed like the ultimate declaration of love to me. Not so much anymore. I’ll pull something out of the freezer. Maybe I will bake a small sweet to celebrate with my sweetheart. We could go for a walk or watch a movie. We’ll just stay home and enjoy each other’s company. That beats any other scenario I could think of.

I remember when I lost Mr. Virgo. I hated Valentine’s Day with a passion. Same when my second husband and I split up. I remember riding a public bus in Denver and wanting to slap the people sneaking a smooch or holding hands. I was SO unhappy….I honestly wanted everyone to be as unhappy as I was. Eventually, the ice in my heart melted, the ache in my soul calmed to a containable level and again…I could celebrate the love of others till one day, I could celebrate my own Joy again.

Don’t let anyone steal your Joy today…or any other day. Hold on tight!

🩵

”May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.“
Romans 15:13 NIV

A Very Happy Birthday!

Fri, 02 Feb 2024 02:30:00 -0600

It was a gorgeous day…55° and bright sunshine. We got up and around, fixed our morning beverages, and sat on FaceTime with our besties…Ben and Sue…out in Colorado. It was almost as good as sitting at their kitchen table. We really miss them.

Mr. FixIt had an appointment in town in the afternoon so I had a few hours in the Big Red Chair. I finished the trim on the baby blanket and put a doll together and started another one. When Mr. FixIt came home, I fixed him a beautiful dinner. Lamb Chops with a Bourbon Maple and Black Balsamic Glaze, Steamed Broccoli, and Roasted Baby Gold Potatoes. Oh, my word….I know we aren’t supposed to brag, but my lamb chops are as good as any you could get in a 5-Star Restaurant.

I learned from the best. Mr. Virgo was quite the foodie and he taught me how to cook many of my favorite dishes…one of which is lamb chops. Mr. FixIt had a wonderful birthday, and I’m taking the evening off to binge watch “Bull.” And today, I’m heading out to The Farm for a couple of nights.

I’ll be back tomorrow morning!!!

🩵

”Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct.“
1 Peter 3:1-2 ESV

Another Sunny Day

Wed, 24 Jan 2024 02:30:00 -0600

The baby blanket I’m working on.

The temperature got up to 46° yesterday and today will be in the 50’s. It’s a welcome change from the deep freeze we’ve been in for the last couple of weeks. I didn’t get quite as much done as I wanted to, but I did finish two more babies, a pair of mittens, and another strip of the baby blanket. We had a lovely day at home. Personally…at this time of year, it all starts feeling like the movie Groundhog Day. It’s pretty much the same day…over and over and over.

I keep myself busy, and I try to do lots of new and interesting things, but I have to admit…I do get bored easily. My mind is already three months down the road, thinking of the next camping trip. We’ll be taking the camper down to the beach in April and I can hardly wait. I was telling Mr. FixIt, with the warmer nights coming up I can get out and “camp” out here on our property. I love that because it’s free and I can cook in my own kitchen!

Speaking of cooking, I fixed Gail’s Cabbage Roll Casserole yesterday. I had never had it till last summer but it’s become one of our favorites. Mr. FixIt often orders Cabbage Rolls when we eat at the diner. This tastes the same with much less work. And it’s so quick and easy to make. Is there anything better than fixing a meal for your sweetheart and have him smile and tell you it’s great? Mr. FixIt is so appreciative of everything I do for him and is quick to tell me so.

I’m really missing my mom this week. Today is her 20th Angelversary. It seems like forever since I’ve seen her. Somewhere in this house is a recording of her voice. On video and on a cassette tape. I sent her a children’s book and asked her to record herself reading it to Daughter #1, then mail them both to her for her birthday. I remember tucking the tape away in a drawer of an old roll top desk we had. Years later, when things were different in my life after Mr. Virgo died, I carefully put that cassette in a box of mementos where it sits today. I’ve dragged that box with me everywhere these last twenty years. Someday I’ll go through those boxes again and I’ll give that tape to my daughter. Bonus points if I find the book to go with it.

I’m heading to town today to meet with some high school friends for lunch then do some shopping. It may be a rainy day, but at least it will be warm!

🩵

”However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.“
Ephesians 5:33 ESV

Ugh, Another Trip to Town

Wed, 27 Dec 2023 02:30:00 -0600

The full moon in a marbled sky.

Honestly, I thought I was done with the going to town thing till NEXT YEAR, but no such luck. I needed a couple things for this weekend, and I wanted to get some yarn while it was on sale. We left about 11:00 and I was hoping to be back before dark but it was 7:00 before we got home and still didn’t get everything done. At least the stores weren’t elbow to elbow with people, but I still got overstimulated, my neck and back hurt, and I was just over it. Fortunately, I have the most patient husband on the planet.

Mr. FixIt and I were looking for last minute gifts for our three little boys. One is big into Woody and Buzz Lightyear, and he’s such a sweet little guy. I bought him books that play sound effects from the Toy Story characters. The other two little boys are rough and tumble little guys who are all about monster trucks. But they get all that stuff from their parents, so we bought them matching sets of four GI Joe action figures. You never quite know what to get the kids when you don’t get to spend much time with them. Hopefully, between the toys and the hats and loaded Christmas stocking that I made, it will be enough for them.

I “camped out” Christmas night. I thought for sure I would sleep like a baby, but it was actually hotter in the camper than it usually is in the house, so I tossed and turned a good portion of the night. It was still fun to spend at least one night out there in December. I think I’ve slept in the camper at least one night every month in 2023…one of my goals for the year!

I saw this cute little book when we were shopping for the littles.

Hopefully I can stay home the rest of the week/year. I have a surprise guest I’m interviewing today so I’m really excited for that and hopefully will be able to post it later this week Not much new around here other than that. I hope you all had a nice Christmas and maybe hit some of the sales yesterday. I don’t wrap gifts anymore. I bought those pretty boxes when they went on sale a couple of years ago, so everyone gets their stuff in their box, along with a cloth drawstring bag to take them home. Then the boxes stay here to be filled again next year. Trying to keep the expenses and waste down and maintain a smaller carbon footprint during the holidays.

🩵

”Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.“
Romans 12:10 ESV

It’s Boxing Day!

Tue, 26 Dec 2023 02:30:00 -0600

I had never heard of Boxing Day till I lived in England. Boxing Day is the tradition of rich families giving boxes of food and presents to the poor. It ostensibly lay started when the servants of the rich people had to work on Christmas Day to serve the family and the guests during the holiday festivities. Now it has become a day to not only box up things for the poor, but to go to after Christmas sales and extend the holiday joy for an extra day.

I’m all about spreading the joy and partaking of it generously myself whenever I can. Mr. FixIt and I had a wonderful, quiet day yesterday with lots of phone calls to and from family members. And, even though we PROMISED there would be no presents underneath the tree, we couldn’t resist gifting a little something to each other. I knitted Mr. FixIt a warm woolen hat and gave him the movies he’s been wanting. I got a pair of warm gloves, a new bubble level for the camper (Mr. FixIt accidentally broke mine), some fishing lures I looked at this fall, and the movie Oppenheimer.

I fixed a great big Christmas breakfast and we watched football most of the day. I finished the last hat for the kids for Christmas and made a couple more for the shop. Instead of working my tail off making Christmas Dinner, we had hamburgers and air-fried French fries. And, for my Christmas treat…I had a nice piece of the fudge with walnuts and one of the Rolo Pretzel cookies that I made this week. Yummy. As I savored it, I asked myself if this was something I would want to sit down and eat a whole plate full and the answer was a resounding “No, thank you!” It will be interesting to see if the sugar makes me feel any different because I haven’t had it in ages. I’ve come a long way. This time last year, my eating was really out of control. This feels better,

I hope you all had as pleasant a day as you could manage. I’ve learned to lower my expectations of this day. In the past, I would strive for the perfect Hallmark holiday…something right out of a Norman Rockwell painting. Nowadays, I strive to find peace in the gentle moments between loved ones. I strive to seek joy in the quiet stillness of my studio or the sound of raindrops on the roof of the camper. And that’s just what I did!

It got up to 66° yesterday and it started raining in the evening. The low was supposed to get in the mid fifties, so I asked Mr. FixIt if he would mind if I went “camping.” Of course, he didn’t. If his back and hip weren’t bothering him, he would have come out with me. What a treat to camp on Christmas Day! I brought a little sack of fresh fruit to snack on. I turned on the electric blanket and the little space heater, kicked back in the new recliner with a blanket over my lap, and wrote this post. *sigh* The only happier happy place than this is The Farm, but it will be at least another week before I can go out there for a little R&R.

This week will keep us hopping as we tidy up and prepare for our family gathering on Saturday. So, as soon as I write this, I’m going to turn on the “burning fireplace” video on YouTube and sit here and knit. I may have set my sights low for Christmas this year, but it sure didn’t disappoint. It was a really great day!

”Thanks be to God for his inexpressible gift!“
2 Corinthians 9:15 ESV

It’s Time for my Annual PSA

Fri, 08 Dec 2023 02:30:00 -0600

Every year I get up on my little soapbox and talk to you about why I say “Happy Holidays.” Now, before we go any further, I’m not saying this should be YOUR greeting if what you wish to say is Merry Christmas! If you’ve been reading my blog for any length of time, you know I lived a Jewish life for twenty eight years so I have personal experience. Someone who is Jewish will most likely never say a word when you wish them Merry Christmas, even though Hanukkah may have already started. After all, they would never think to come up to you and say Happy Hanukkah. They more than likely will give you a gracious “Thank you…and same to you!” There is no offense taken.

But we are living in dangerous times right now. Hate is rising fast and antisemitism has reared it’s ugly head in a BIG way. I cannot express enough how scary this is to me. My family is Jewish. My children and grandchildren identify deeply with Judaism, even if they are not practicing Jews. I cannot sit idly aside and say nothing.

I have experienced antisemitism myself. Someone in my own family treated me with contempt and asked me to put my Star of David inside my sweater. When my Jewish husband expressed an interest in moving to West Virginia to open a practice, this same family member told him, and I quote… “Well, we had a family of Jews down here once. Come down here from New York City. Wanted to change this and change that. Well, they lit outta here pretty quick when they burned that cross on their lawn!” To. His. Face.

I’ve held my child while she cried because the other kids called her a “stupid ****ing Jew.”

This hatred against people for who and what they are is straight from the devil himself. God is Love. The very God these people profess to follow would NEVER treat people like that. The Jews are His CHOSEN people! JESUS was Jewish. He never wore a cross because he hadn’t been crucified yet. Christianity hadn’t been truly formed yet.

I don’t want to go on and on about it, but there are FOURTEEN religious holidays between Thanksgiving and Christmas. From St. Nicholas Day to Bodhi Day to Yule to Zarathosht Diso…many faiths celebrate during the month of December.

Since I am not a mind reader, and I cannot tell what someone believes by looking at them, I say Happy Holidays. Because, chances are, they’re celebrating at least one of them this month. If I know for certain they celebrate Christmas, then of course…I say a hearty Merry Christmas to them. If I know for certain they are Jewish, I say Happy Hanukkah.

Otherwise, it’s Happy Holidays from this left wing liberal hippy-chick farm girl!

I’m not scolding anyone. I’m just asking those who mistreat others to put themselves in the shoes of the downtrodden, the marginalized, the oppressed, the belittled, the victimized, the beleaguered, the beaten down, the underdog. Because they are just as human as any of us.

🩵

”If anyone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen.“
1 John 4:20 ESV

#NoLoveKnowHate, #KnowLoveNoHate, #NoHate

A Day is Never Wasted

Tue, 28 Nov 2023 02:30:00 -0600

So warm and cozy!!! New boots/slippers.

Whether your day is jam packed with chores or you accomplish absolutely nothing… it’s never really wasted. Your busy day got you farther along on your to-do list. But your absolutely nothing day is sure to have nuggets of gold tucked inside. Self care can be absolutely necessary, especially during the busy holiday season.

I didn’t feel like I accomplished much yesterday. I went to the Catholic Church and knitted with the girls. They were making such cute things. One is making little faceless doll babies to send overseas with a charity. Another was crocheting scrubbies on wooden spoons. Those would make great stocking stuffers or tucked in a kitchen gift basket. One found a WIP (work in progress) in her stash and she brought it with her. She and her niece sat together to figure out what it was supposed to be and they decided it was a hat. It was such a beautiful color… like a rich caramel. The other two gals were working with a big bulky yarn… one on a round loom and one knitting. I worked on a hat I’m knitting for a gift.

I went home and cleaned the kitchen from all that cooking then boxed up Mr. FixIt’s wedding ring to send in for repair. It turns out I needed to take it to town to the UPS Store so I grabbed Mr. FixIt and off we went. We had to hang out a little till the UPS Store opened so we went to Kohl’s and walked around. I found a pair of booties that I can wear for slippers and what a deal! They were regularly $49.99 but with the sale, and an extra coupon, I got them for $16! We grabbed Chinese food on the way home and it was a busy and productive day. But the best part happened first thing.

As I heated up the water for my coffee, I received a notification from someone very dear to me. I don’t know if you remember, but one of my favorite cousins on my dad’s side of the family died a few years ago from an incurable disease. He was my first crush. I was a little girl when he went off to the Navy. I so greatly remember him in his Navy Whites when he came home looking so handsome. His girlfriend was the sweetest person in the world and I was so enamored of them in their late teens/early twenties, riding around and listening to Elvis. It was a heady time for me and I loved them both dearly.

I did my best to help and support his wife….during his long illness and after his death. I provided a listening ear and a shoulder when needed. As time passed, she became more involved in her church and found new friends. I could hear in her voice that she was building this new life for herself. She built a new house. She found her sparkle. But she was absolutely certain she would never find another love…couldn’t even fathom the possibility. Then…

The phone rang.

It was a widower she had met from a neighboring church. He had received an invitation to a fancy dinner and it was addressed to him… “and Guest.” The only person he could think of was her. Would she like to go? It didn’t take long and she said yes. I’m thrilled beyond belief for her. It CAN happen. I know it doesn’t for everyone. Many aren’t interested. And that’s ok, too. That really was the high point of my day.

It was a good day. Love always wins…in one way or another.

🎄

“Let all that you do be done in love.”
1 Corinthians 16:14 ESV

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Catching Up With a Dear Friend

Fri, 29 Sep 2023 01:30:00 -0600

“Grandma’s Farm” - c.1997 - Colored Pencil on Paper

A lot of things get put on the back burner when I’m up to my eyeballs in chores here at Marshmallow Ranch. I got a little reprieve because it rained a lot on Wednesday and through the morning yesterday. And you know what that means! No mowing!!!

I had a thing for drawing quilts when I worked full time and didn’t have time to create one myself.

I holed up in the office all day catching up with phone calls and shopping for new eyeglasses on Zenni. My dear friend Steve came over so I could help him change his Facebook page to include his soon-to-be bride. Steve became a widower the year before Mr. Virgo died and he really took a long time to do things like clean out his wife’s personal items. Finally, sometime over the winter, he decided he was ready to find a partner to spend his Golden Years with.

Another one I found.

As his close friend, I was glad he wasn’t one of those men who go out shortly after their wife dies to find a “replacement.” But he’ll be the first to tell you, he wasn’t interested in replacing his gal. And, like so many, when he really WAS ready, Sharon crossed his path and lightning struck again! He totally changed his house in preparation for her…redecorating, painting, and putting down new floors. It was finally time for him to move forward. So, along with his internal and external housecleaning came a change in the Facebook page and his status…ENGAGED! I was honored that he asked me to help him make it the perfect landing place for sharing his expanding family with the world. It turned out perfect, and he was able to keep all the friends he had from before…including those of his late wife. I’m so happy for him. And proud of all the hard work he did to get to this place. I know what he went through to get here.

“Daughter #1” - c.1997 - Pencil on Paper

Now I’m creating some personalized Christmas gifts he ordered while he was here. Hey…captive audience! I told him a little shopping spree in exchange for all that computer time seemed like a fair trade!

Interesting…I drew the picture on the left in ~1997. My marriage was on the skids and I often dreamed of a peaceful place where I could just be myself and be happy. I totally forgot about this drawing till I found it stuck between two pages in my old portfolio. The picture on the right is my Big Comfy Chair in our family room here on Marshmallow Ranch. A message to God…a plea for relief…delivered in HIS time.

Other than my back hurting from sitting in this chair too much yesterday, I feel refreshed. Much better than the day before. Thank you all so much for you continued support and encouragement. You’re always there when I need you! Mr. FixIt goes to town today, so I’ll be working on those gifts and doing more with the family room.

It was a good and productive day.

“He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord.”
Proverbs 18:22 NIV

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I Love You, Mom

Sat, 09 Sep 2023 01:30:00 -0600

I’m gaining countertop space…slowly but surely!

I have a huge family now that I’ve married Mr. FixIt. I have bonus kids and bonus grandkids and even bonus great-grandchildren. But I only have two girls who I raised from birth. They both live in Colorado and I miss them tremendously. That’s why we go and spend a month every summer to see them. We have to fill up our cup when we can.

My girls are as different as night and day. Not surprising considering they were born sixteen years apart. That’s almost a generation between them. One is old school. She was raised without TV for the most part. Fiercely independent and not the least bit clingy or demonstrative. The other is my cling-on. My snuggle bunny. She is my mirror…the one who teaches me who I really am.

Daughter #2 showers me with many terms of endearment. There are lots of hugs and kisses when we see each other. Daughter number one hugs me when I get there and when I leave. She tolerates me kissing her on the cheek and whisper how much I love her. She knows. She loves me, too. She just shows it in different ways. When she was little, she was a cuddle bug, but once she hit the teen years, those hugs and kisses were few and far between. And, like a rare gem…they’re valuable when I get them. Not that Daughter #2’s affections aren’t equally valuable…just in different ways.

Big is just like her mom. Now that she’s in college and so grown up, she’s much freer with her hugs and I love you’s, but she’s still stingy with those kisses. Little on the other hand…is just like D2 and me…all about the affection.

Thursday morning my phone rang and when I saw the Caller ID, my heart skipped a beat. I don’t get a lot of phone call from her…especially that early in the morning. But, it was my firstborn! We had a wonderful, long conversation. She was waiting for a meeting to begin and when her coworker came in, she had to scoot quickly. I told her I loved her. And then she said…

“I love you too, Mom.”

Oh, my mother’s heart! I still get a lump in my throat when I think of it. I can hear it in my head. Hubby #2 wasn’t one to say I love you much. That’s probably where Daughter #1 got it from. When I asked him why he didn’t say it more often, he said, “If you say it too much, it loses it’s meaning.” I don’t know about that, but I can tell you this. That was truly a gift that day. A rare and precious gift I’ll never forget.

And, to top it off…Daughter #2 called in the evening. My bookends to my very good day!

I didn’t work the whole day in the kitchen yesterday, but enough of it. Everything I do shows me how much more needs doing. But, I’m on a roll now and things are taking shape. I’m moving things around and that’s always a little iffy. Mr. FixIt isn’t fond of change. We have this really old under-counter toaster oven that I just can’t stand. A few years ago, I talked my sweetheart into getting a four slice toaster so we pretty much have stopped using it. And it hangs down so low, it takes up that whole corner of the kitchen and it is wasted space.

Mr. FixIt had to go to town AGAIN yesterday, and I worked away while he was gone. I wanted to finish up a few things after supper. I kept staring at that toaster oven and hoping. I came to to the door of the family room and asked if he could come in and look at something. I think he knew what I was going to ask because we barely walked over the threshold and he said, “Yes…we can get rid of it.”

I threw my hands up and said, “Thank you, Jesus!” So, that sucker’s outta here today! Yes!!!

“Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.”
Ephesians 4:31-32 NLT

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I love Garden Flags! I change them out with the seasons so I’m always thinking up more designs. Here’s a fun Trick or Treat flag you can personalize with a family name. Order soon so you’ll have it in plenty of time before Halloween!

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My Baby and Me

Sun, 16 Jul 2023 00:00:00 -0600

My youngest and her wife came for a visit yesterday. We were all really hungry and decided to go out for brunch. My daughter-in-law has some food allergies so we pulled up the local restaurants and looked at their menus. We decided a breakfast place would have the most acceptable options so I chose Rise and Shine Restaurant.

I knew that name sounded familiar. The chef that worked with Mr. Virgo at the Warwick fifteen years ago went out on her own and opened a restaurant but I thought it was Rise and Shine Cafe. I know some restaurants have similar names. I was looking around and wondering if this could possible be the actual restaurant when my eyes locked with a woman standing behind the counter and the look of surprise and joy on her face warmed my heart.

It was, indeed, Kristen. It was such a delight to see her after all these years and to see her doing so well.

She’s had the restaurant for fifteen years now and it’s still going strong. The service was great. The food was amazing! Mr. FixIt had a breakfast burrito. Daughter #2 had a Buffalo Chicken sandwich made with one of their enormous cheddar biscuits. Dear DIL had Creme Brûlée French Toast. And I had Huevos Rancheros served on a bed of quinoa instead of corn tortillas. So, so good!!!

We went back to Ben and Sue’s to chat for awhile. When the girls left, Mr. FixIt and I went to check out Jax, an outdoor and sporting goods store. It’s a really cool store…sort of Rural King meets Bass Pro Shops. So many choices of things that it made my head spin. We wandered around for a good hour and a half before we left. When we got back, Ben and Sue were home from their excursion out to the Eastern Plains.

We watched Pride and Prejudice…a really good movie but we had to have the closed captioning on because it was so difficult to understand what they were saying. We have so much in common with Ben and Sue that we always have something to talk about.

My brother called and I told Mr. FixIt we really need to get back up there to see him before we come home. We’ll probably go up there tomorrow and stay a couple of nights. One of my volunteer duties is to keep the “Gone But Not Forgotten” list on our high school class FB page. I completed a new update yesterday morning for a wonderful guy I’ve known since I was in grade school. When I left the updated list on our page, I encouraged others to reach out now if they want to catch up with someone because time’s a’wastin’. I don’t dare go home without giving my Bubby some more great hugs!

“Don’t just pretend to love others. Really love them. Hate what is wrong. Hold tightly to what is good. Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other.”
Romans 12:9-10 NLT

My Man

Sun, 18 Jun 2023 01:30:00 -0600

I went on a little walkabout today to check out the pollinator gardens. It seems the only flowers right now are the daisies and tons of clover. I found a large patch of pink clover and the field is full of Indian Mock Strawberry (Potentilla indica), formally (Duchesnea indica). It’s everywhere and the little red berries look like miniature strawberries. But, they have no flavor whatsoever. Mixed in with other berries, you can eat them in jam. but I just look at them and smile at their little five-petal flowers and bright dots of red in the field grass. I think the daisies will continue to bloom for a while.

Mr. FixIt is such a doll. He had an errand to run this weekend and he did it yesterday so he could be here to help me pack up for my girl trip. His back is doing so much better, but I tried to keep him from toting too much heavy stuff. He did bring some jars of canned vegetable soup up from the basement but I took them from him at the top and carried them the rest of the way out to the camper.

I spent a good portion of the day cleaning and organizing the camper. It is so small that it doesn’t take long till it’s in total disarray. But now everything looks great…neat and tidy. I charged up the battery for the portable drill I use to raise and lower the stabilizing jacks. Mr. FixIt cut up a watermelon into chunks and I filled a container to put in the camper fridge. I didn’t need both big lockers that we use to store our outdoor kitchen items and dry goods. One sufficed.

I have knitting packed and a good book. I have friends coming for socializing. I love to girl camp. There’s always siesta time in our respective campers during the heat of the day then we come back out at social hour. We all contribute to the meals. I’m bringing some home-canned vegetable beef soup and some spicy pork green chili for the breakfast burritos.

I’ll be back Thursday then we take the truck in on Friday for new rear brakes. Mr. FixIt will take it in next week to have the oil changed and the tires rotated. Then we need to stock the camper and pack up to leave on the 28th for our Colorado trip! The summer is always so jam packed full of fun! Mr. FixIt is going fishing today with Junior FixIt so I think I’ll mow before I leave for the campground. I hate to leave all that work for him.

Happy Father’s Day to all the dads out there. And Happy Dad’s Day to all the moms who had to do both jobs. Just like Mother’s Day, not all holidays bring happy memories and they can be difficult so if you struggle with this, my heart is with you.

“As a face is reflected in water, so the heart reflects the real person.”
Proverbs 27:19 NLT

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No ads on Sunday…I hope you have a Blessed Day and get to go out into nature!

Mother’s Day Isn’t Always Easy

Sun, 14 May 2023 01:30:00 -0600

Budding Peony

I remember the empty feeling when the first Mother’s Day rolled around after my mom died. I didn’t know what to do with my feelings. It’s different now that it’s been nineteen years, but that doesn’t mean my heart doesn’t still ache for my mom. I dreamt of her Friday night. It was nebulous and hazy, but I knew I was with her and my heart was full when I woke up.

There are many reasons Mother’s Day might be hard for you. Maybe you’re mom’s still here but she’s suffering the ravages of a medical condition. Maybe she has dementia and no longer remembers you. Maybe you’re mom’s alive, but you’ve been estranged and you haven’t spoken in years. Maybe that’s better for you both and you know being involved would just bring more trauma and pain. Maybe you didn’t know your mom at all and you just want these warm, fuzzy Hallmark holidays to be over with. Maybe you couldn’t have babies or you chose not to. Maybe your babies are furry and funny and full of unconditional love for you.

I remember after losing my mom, other people being showered with love on their special day made me so jealous. And angry. I don’t think my mom should have died the way she did. I think it was preventable, but I didn’t do anything about it because my aunt talked me out of pursuing any legal avenues. So I was left to do what we women do. I picked myself up by the bootstraps and moved forward without her.

“Wanda Belle”

Every Sunday evening, I still think of calling her. We spoke often, but Sunday evenings were sacrosanct. Our conversations were almost exclusively about her and my brother’s health. When they’d been to the doctor last. What new medicine they were on. It used to frustrate me because it was so depressing. But here’s the deal. You have no idea how that silent eye rolling will come back to bite you many years later. I catch myself doing the same thing from time to time and I apologize. If it’s nothing the girls can do anything for, there’s no reason to burden them with all that kvetching. My youngest said, “Mom…don’t apologize. We talk about what’s going on in our lives and you are in a place where medical appointments start ticking upward. You talk about what you’re doing. It’s perfectly normal.”

I love my girls. I haven’t always been the best mom. But I’ve been the best mom I could be with the knowledge I had at the time. And, like Maya Angelou said…when I knew better, I did better. I hope my girls understand that.

I hope you are blessed this Mother’s Day. I hope you find peace wherever you are on the Motherhood Spectrum.

“As a mother comforts her child, so will I comfort you...””
Isaiah 66:13 NIV

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No ads on Sundays to honor the Lord’s Day. I pray your day is filled with peace, love, and comfort.

Hello, May!!!

Mon, 01 May 2023 01:30:00 -0600

My, how time flies when you’re having fun! It seems like yesterday when I started my big project while also piecing a king sized quilt. The trip to the beach seemed far away…and now it’s passed. We did have a great time and it’s always sad to be over. We’re already looking forward to our next trip down.

When we went fishing down at the Oregon Inlet last week, we entered the beach right beside a campground. We’ve been down there so many times, but we never noticed there was electric and water service at many of the sites. While we were waiting for my portable air compressor to fill the tires back up, we got on the phone and looked it up online. Sure enough, there were 47 sites with hookups. No sewer service, but that’s ok. Ever since our honeymoon, we love going down to the OBX in October. This time we’ll bring the camper and camp right by the ocean! We made our reservations, as well as a couple more camping trips this summer.

Now that we’ve sold all our extra campers, we’re on a roll and looking forward to lightening our load some more. Mr. FixIt still needs to empty the load of old shingles in the back of his Tundra and get it cleaned up so we can sell it. Then we can get to work on the stuff in the building. I’m telling you…there’s never a dull moment here once the grass starts growing!

We have a wet week coming up so the mowing will have to be done between storms. I mowed about six or seven laps around the big fields yesterday afternoon but it started sprinkling again and I was forced to quit. We also need to mow out at the farm soon. We just need the weather to cooperate. There’s still lots to get done inside so it’s not like we’ll have a lack of things to do.

The bridal shower for our eldest granddaughter is this weekend. We have a camping trip over in the mountains near my uncle and cousins in the middle of May. The wedding is in the first half of June followed by another camping trip with some girlfriends. Then we can head to Colorado to visit the family. We have two camping trips scheduled in September. Being retired means we can camp mid-week while the kids are in school. And our favorite time to camp is in the fall when school has started again.

See? We haven’t even gotten into the real warm weather and we’re already scheduled out into October! It seems like a lot to do but here’s the thing…life is uncertain. We have no guarantees either one of us will be here tomorrow, let alone a few months from now. It’s not the destination that matters. It’s the journey to get there. It’s taking a deep breath and enjoying the process of living each moment the best we can.

That little dash between the dates on our headstones is what counts most. How did we spend that time? Did we love others well? Did we share generously? Joyfully? Did we devote ourselves to others while taking care of ourselves? Did we make memories that will make our loved ones smile when they remember us after we’re gone? That’s what I’m working towards. My legacy may not be a huge house or bank account. It may not be “stuff” at all by the time we take leave of this life. I’m hoping the legacy I leave behind in the words I’ve written these last ten years will be a tangible gift to others that offers hope, encouragement, love, and some laughs.

In that, I am content.

““A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.”
John 13:34 NIV

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“American Camping Society…Get More Smiles per Gallon!”

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The First of the Outdoor Days

Tue, 11 Apr 2023 01:30:00 -0600

Yesterday was the perfect day for outdoor chores. Sunny and 68° with nothing but a gentle breeze. Mr. FixIt went out to start working on the lawnmower since I so generously popped the belt off the mower deck this weekend. I tell you what… there’s not much that ruffles my husband’s feathers. He just takes things as they come.

While he was working on the mower, I got to work on moving the Big Birdhouse so I could mow the long grass underneath it. First, I had to mow the spot where I was planning to move it. I got the push mower out and filled it with gas then set to mowing the designated spot. It wasn’t long before Mr. FixIt came over and indicated to cut the engine. He needed to run over the hill to the hardware store to get some washers for one of the deck wheels. While we were there, I dropped off a return at the UPS pickup site in the auto parts store. Then we headed to the post office where I had a package. (Daughter #1’s birthday present!)

We popped over the the hardware store then the little mom and pop market for some of their dynamite fresh ground beef for burgers later. We ran over to the little quilt shop to make sure I can bring the quilt to her by the end of next week. Finally, we headed back home and I finished up my mowing. I moved the camper to the new spot and Mr. FixIt came over to help me get her set up. He had the mower deck off and cleaned up but found we needed new blades, so I locked everything up when we set off for town….again.

A quick stop at Lowe’s and we had the blades and booked it home. Between the two of us, we got the belt and the deck on. (Full disclosure…I only lent a hand when Mr. FixIt couldn’t get his hand to work the way it was supposed to and to help with heavy lifting.) We finally got everything put back together and I hopped on the tractor to try it out. Something was wrong. It was scalping the lawn at a setting that I usually use. Unfortunately, it turned out the blades were on upside down. By this time we were both tired and dirty and just…done. We’ll attack it again today.

I finished getting the a-frame camper set up and I took a whole new series of photos and a quick video walkthrough. We reduced the price and we’re praying the perfect buyer comes along. This is camping season!

I cooked burgers for supper and we dined al fresco for only the second time this year. It was so delightful sitting in the warm sunshine with my sweetie. But then, as soon as that sun dipped down below the far ridge, the breeze turned decidedly chilly. I finished the evening by watering the new rose bushes and putting things away. It was time to sit down and write my letter to you. Letters from “home.”

“for behold, the winter is past; the rain is over and gone. The flowers appear on the earth, the time of singing has come, and the voice of the turtledove is heard in our land.”

Song of Solomon 2:11-12 ESV

#spring, #outdoors, #farmlife, #mowing

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“Go Where the Wildflowers Bloom”

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What Constitutes a Date?

Thu, 30 Mar 2023 01:30:00 -0600

We don’t go out “on a date” very often. We never have, really. I guess between knowing each other forever, being on a fixed income, and living so far out in the country, the idea of getting dressed up and driving to town for a fancy dinner out is just something that has never appealed to us.

I used to live that life. It was fun and exciting to go to fine restaurants and rub elbows with “the haves”. To stroll the streets of Aspen or Snowmass, wander through the hoity-toity shops, then cozy up in front of a fire with fancy food and forks I had no idea how to use. Well, let’s just say…this country girl learned how to feign social prowess to a degree. But talk about imposter syndrome. I was really a fish out of water.

There were a lot of reasons I came home to West Virginia but the biggest one was to find myself. To go back to my roots. I remember talking with my long-time sister-friend. I can’t remember the conversation per se, but I think I was sounding a little too pretentious to someone who has known me since we were fifteen. She knew better and called me on it. She reminded me not to get too big for my britches because she knew from whence we came. She was my Boone’s-Farm-Ride-or-Die home girl.

When I came back, I was broken into a million pieces. I needed the comfort of these hills and red clay to patch the pieces together again…piece by piece…stitch by stitch till I began to believe I could survive. I was four years a widow when I had my first date with Mr. FixIt. We went for a drive through the hills and backroads. I sat back in the passenger seat of his truck with the window down, letting the wind blow through my hair. I felt a glimmer of something. Something familiar, yet different enough. Something warm. Something comfortable.

We dated for awhile and it became apparent this was something special and we committed to see where it might take us. Our dates consisted of grabbing a salad and heading down to the river to watch the boat traffic on the water. Or going to Rural King to look at the baby chicks and ducklings and buy birdseed. Or going for a long drive in the country. They were inexpensive dates. They were comfortable dates. They were made more special by the bond between us.

Every day is a date because we choose it to be. We choose to be here for one another. We choose to love each other. These are the lessons gleaned from the fires of my grief. That simple is better. Less is more. That stuff doesn’t matter and food is food just like a car is just a car. Be it a tender cut of Wagyu Beef or burgers on the pool deck. A brand new Mercedes convertible or 2002 Lincoln. The fact I get to do this with someone kind…with someone faithful and true…with someone who loves Jesus is the wealthiest existence I could imagine.

Yesterday’s big Dinner Date?

Cracker Barrel!

They make swoon worthy grits. Biscuits that melt in your mouth. And sweet tea that tastes like the nectar of the gods. Their waitstaff is friendly and attentive. All in a clean and comfortable dining room adorned with antiques like I grew up with on Grandma’s farm.

Someday, I want to look back and remember these comfy dates and less of the evenings I primped in front of a mirror and built up the non-existent courage I felt to be “on”…to be something I really wasn’t. Not deep down inside. This is much healthier and much more fulfilling.

I won’t take that for granted. Not even for a minute.

“…Love makes up for practically anything…”
1 Peter 4:7-11 MSG

Turning My Attention Forward

Mon, 13 Mar 2023 01:30:00 -0600

You know there’s a reason the windshield is bigger than the rear view mirror, right? It’s because we don’t drive backwards long distances. The rear view mirror lets us back up a little ways as needed. The windshield lets us see clearly the direction we are heading…forward. I won’t lie…the 10th Angelversary was monumental and gave me pause. But I am so blessed to be surrounded with lots of love and support from family and friends…including you all. Thank you so much for always being here for me. It helps more than you know.

I ran into a little snag with “The Project.” It’s something totally out of my control so I just have to wait it out till the course is redirected before I have the great unveiling. God always looks out for me and if I would have moved forward when I originally planned to, I could have been in a pickle. He’s a Good Father and I cannot praise Him enough! It’s still going to happen….I just don’t know the exact timeline yet.

With Mr. Virgo’s Angelversary and the project glitch, I didn’t sleep well at all on Saturday night. I finally drifted off about dawn and Mr. FixIt woke me up at just about 1:00 yesterday afternoon. I think we need to grab sleep whenever we can as we age. This new medicine regimen is really helping me sleep…at least much better than I was before.

Mr. FixIt showed me his phone when I got up. We had a light dusting of snow on the forsythia and flowering quince when he got up. I’m just as happy that I missed that! The false spring we’ve been having has totally spoiled me and I could move right on into true spring, thank you very much. We’ve had rain off and on the last couple of days and we’ve actually needed it. The ground was getting pretty dry.

I have to force myself to get back to my studio and get that quilt top finished soon. The wedding is in June and the machine quilter will need to have it as soon as possible to get it finished in time. I don’t think I’ll ever do as complicated a pattern again. It was just a whole lot more work than I thought it would be. And, being a neurodivergent Gemini hasn’t helped matters. It’s hard to stay focused for so long. I’m determined to finish it though.

When I sit down to write to you every night, I’m reminded of my Grandma’s letters when I was growing up. Long distance phone calls were a luxury we could ill afford, so Grandma wrote long meandering missives to keep us up to date with what was happening at The Farm. She’d tell us what she canned that week or who came to visit or what the doctor said. Her letters always seemed so warm and comforting and so full of love and hugs.

We don’t get those letters from Grandmas or Moms anymore and I think our society is sorely lacking such familial hugs. Even though Grandma was only thirty miles away, we could tuck her letters away and read them over and over. I still have them and they still give that same warm and fuzzy feelings. When I was approached by a literary agent several years ago, she pooh-poohed the whole idea of the kind of writing I do. She thought it was fine for documenting for family’s interest, but the general public wouldn’t be interested. I beg to differ. I think we’ll always need a mom or a grandma or an auntie or a sister to send love across the miles. We need all the love we can get.

That’s what I’m here for….to send lots of loves!

“Let all that you do be done in love.”
1 Corinthians 16:14 ESV

Valentines

Wed, 15 Feb 2023 02:30:00 -0600

Mr. FixIt finished cutting in around the doors, the top, and the bottom of the walls yesterday. We were going to tag team and he took the first shift. We didn’t count on the handy edging gizmo to work so well and he was done in less than thirty minutes. I continued to work on this project. I’ve hit several stumbling blocks, but I think I’m back on track now. The learning curve is fierce. Or…maybe it’s my brain that’s not as spry as it used to be. Who knows?

After my sweetheart snoozed in his Big Red Chair, we decided to go to town for pizza as our Valentine’s Day celebration. We weren’t sure where to try. We’re disappointed with our usual place. And there are several in town that people rave over but we wouldn’t give them the time of day. Too expensive. Too greasy. Too dodgy. Finally, we settled on a tiny little hole in the wall over in Belpre called Smitty’s.

I have to tell you…my first little slice was unimpressive. But by the second….oh, yum! It wasn’t by any means my favorite pizza ever, but it was decidedly passable. We sat along the Ohio River overlooking the mansion on Blennerhassett Island. The water was like glass and reflected the sycamores and the grand manse with precision. We munched out on our Italian delight and enjoyed the peace and quiet along with four or five other cars with folks doing the same thing.

Afterwards, we went to the Kroger store and bought a cake. Not just any cake. A Black and White cake like the one the kids brought Mr. FixIt for his birthday. This cake is so delicious, I’m hard pressed as to which side I like the best. The chocolate doesn’t seem to make my tummy hurt like eating chocolate candy so I get the same flavor. I think we should cut it up in slices and freeze some of it so we don’t just finish it of as fast as we can. It’s that good.

We came on home and enjoyed our evening together. We are each other’s best valentine! Mr. FixIt picked up the kraft paper that was taped down in the hallway. Thank GOODNESS! Have you ever seen a video of a cat with a piece of scotch tape stuck to her paw? She’ll jerk around trying to shake that off…tiptoeing and prancing around like crazy. That’s what we’ve been doing walking on that crackly kraft paper for the last several days. I’m SO glad it’s gone now!

We have to start doing more projects now. Today’s high is supposed to be 73°! We’re going to uncover the Big Birdhouse and get her set up and cleaned so we can advertise her for sale this week. Same with Joy, the ‘67 Franklin. They both have to go to new homes. Our list is long and our time is short. Not the best recipe for success…but succeed, we shall!

“Oh! Teach us to live well! Teach us to live wisely and well! Come back, God—how long do we have to wait?— and treat your servants with kindness for a change. Surprise us with love at daybreak; then we’ll skip and dance all the day long. Make up for the bad times with some good times; we’ve seen enough evil to last a lifetime. Let your servants see what you’re best at— the ways you rule and bless your children. And let the loveliness of our Lord, our God, rest on us, confirming the work that we do. Oh, yes. Affirm the work that we do!”
Psalms 90:12-17 MSG

A Warm Night in the Camper

Sat, 11 Feb 2023 02:30:00 -0600

I know it may sound silly, but I love sleeping in the camper. I think that was imprinted deeply when I found my first camper to be such a sanctuary for my grief as a new widow. Somehow it transported me above the pain just enough to allow me to breathe and take little bites instead of drowning in it. I’ve had a camper ever since. Several, to be exact. And each one comforted me.

I don’t need comforting as much anymore. Now my escape is more of a place to just be with my thoughts, my writing, and this project. It doesn’t have to be on the road or at some fancy place. I can camp 100 feet from the house and it feels just as adventurous as a National Park clear across the country. And…it’s free!

It doesn’t hit Mr. FixIt that way. He would rather have his comfy bed and bathroom handy. But he would never deny me the pleasure of camping whenever I need a cozy camper fix. I can guarantee you something. If Mr. Virgo were still alive, I never would have gone off camping without him. He didn’t like it if I went to Denver for a visit without him, let alone hook up a 30 foot camping trailer and haul it across the country. It never woulda happened.

That’s not to mean our life wouldn’t have been happy. To the contrary, we did everything together. But now? Now I know what I am capable of. I know what happens when you lose your spouse and you have to learn how to do everything on your own. I’ve had a taste of the freedom I never would have known to seek. Mr. FixIt knows that. My adventurous spirit is one of the things that attracted him to me. He’s proud when he shares with his buddies that I am off hauling the camper on some grand adventure. Many of them are aghast and claim they NEVER would let THEIR wives go off like that. Mr. FixIt just shakes his head and laughs.

“You don’t LET your wife do things. You CELEBRATE her abilities and ENCOURAGE her!”

Ohhhh, he’s a good, good man!

I need to sit down and start making some camping reservations for us this summer. We have a busy year already with our annual trip to the beach, my cousin’s visit here, two family weddings and a trip to Colorado to see my peeps. The time just seems to fly by anymore.

Mr. FixIt and I put the ceiling vent back up where the attic fan comes through the ceiling of the hallway. He put the light fixtures back up and taped the molding. Today we’ll paint then he can finish up the new molding around the doors and we’ll be finished. Slow and steady wins the race. The only thing is, there’s SO much to be done around here, by the time we get to the end of the list, it’ll be time to start doing things over again!

Big swims again today…her last swim meet of the season.

Go Big, Go!!!

“Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church—a love marked by giving, not getting. Christ’s love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says is designed to bring the best out of her, dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant with holiness. And that is how husbands ought to love their wives. They’re really doing themselves a favor—since they’re already “one” in marriage.”
Ephesians 5:25-28 MSG

Getting Real With Grandma

Wed, 08 Feb 2023 02:30:00 -0600

Good Morning from The Farm

I had just gone to sleep Monday evening when the phone rang. It startled me and I jumped up to get it. It was Mr. FixIt. He had gone out to look at the moon and heard a strange animal sound…really close. So he stood quietly and recorded it for me to hear. He didn’t know I was asleep or he would have waited till morning. But by then, of course…I was really awake. (You can listen here!)

With some research on the internet, we determined what he heard was most like a fox. We have seen them in the surrounding woods…lithe, red critters with dark socks and beady eyes. I ran into the neighbors across the road from the farm today and he agreed on the identification. Too high pitched for a coyote, he thinks.

The reason I didn’t feel great Monday night was an upsetting phone call. You know I have a brother who is developmentally disabled and he lives in an assisted living facility in the town where I lived in Colorado. He’s been there for nearly two decades and it has become the home of his heart. When I moved back to West Virginia, I offered to bring him with me, but he demurred. He said he was perfectly happy where he was. And his is. They love him there. He knows all of them. They’re like a big family.

When I saw the caller ID was his case manager, my heart sank. They wanted to let me know that my brother is slipping some and will soon need more assistance so they’re looking to place him in the group home where there is 24/7 supervision. We’ve talked about this for a couple of years as the next logical step. I’ve considered bringing him here, but we would have to start all over with attaining funding for him. And I think it would be harder on him to move him now. I’ll still check into it so I’ll have all my information at hand when we have his next evaluation.

The hardest thing is seeing him decline. My greatest fear is letting down those I love and depend on me. So, later in the night, I had a long heart-to-heart “talk” with my grandma. I was sleeping in her bed. I told her how afraid I was for my Bubby. And how guilty I feel that I don’t care for him at home like she did with one of her sons and like my mom did. I asked for her help and her strength to do what’s best for him.

I honestly felt like I was with her for hours. I finally drifted off to sleep and when I woke up, I had a much more peaceful outlook. I know that whatever happens, I have given my Bubby a life like he’d never had the opportunity for when Mom was alive. He’s done amazing things and has learned to do the everyday living skills that Mom always did for him. He’s traveled on trips with groups that take the developmentally disabled on glorious vacations. He’s gone to Hawaii and taken a cruise to Catalina Island and even went to Mexico! He never could have done that had he stayed here in West Virginia. I just needed “permission” to cut myself some slack and know that I’m doing what’s best for him. I promised my mom that I would always see that he was taken care of.

Once I woke up and got my tea and a banana, I went out on the front porch to watch the world go by. I seldom keep a pair of the socks I make, but these are special because Gail gave me the yarn. Our temperature got up to 60° and it was delightful to sit out in the fresh air. After I saw the weather report, I decided to stay another night because they were predicting rain. I love the sound of the rain on the tin roof here at the farm. It soothes my soul.

I got a lot of work done on the computer the last three days. Then, just before dark, I heard a siren coming up the road. We don’t get much excitement out this way. It was the rescue truck and it was quickly followed by about four or five fire trucks, an ambulance, and several volunteer firefighters. I don’t have a scanner nor do the neighbors across the road. A friend of mine from high school lives on up the road in the direction the emergency vehicles were headed so I texted her.

She sent me a couple of photos of a fire on the ridge at the top of the hill. It looked like a brush fire that got out of control. About an hour later, she said she couldn’t see the flames anymore so they must have gotten it under control. With as wet an environment as we have here, you would think forest fires wouldn’t be very common. But we are more prone in the winter when the leaves are down and it gets dry. And it was windy yesterday.

I’ll head home here in a little bit. Mr. FixIt has the hallway prepared to paint so that will be our job in the coming days. We have to strike when the iron’s hot and he feels up to doing a fixit job around the house. I’m looking forward to getting a few jobs done before mowing season.

“Tell these things to the people so that they will do the right thing in their extended family. Anyone who neglects to care for family members in need repudiates the faith. That’s worse than refusing to believe in the first place.”
1 Timothy 8 MSG

Quiet Tears

Thu, 17 Nov 2022 02:30:00 -0600

I awoke to a “beep” and a red flashing light at 4:00 yesterday morning. I was sleeping so soundly, it took me a bit to figure out what year it was, let alone what planet I was on. I searched for the source of the flash. It was the control for the electric blanket. On this particular blanket, if the electric goes off while the blanket is turned on, the control flashes all the buttons red until you turn it off. A safety mechanism, I suppose.

The bottom line was, the power had gone out. Judging by how warm my feet were, I’d guess it wasn’t off for long. I picked up my phone to see if there was any kind of power outage notification and there was not. However, it wasn’t two minutes later the power went off again and this time it stayed off till 10:30. I went in the bathroom and turned the gas heat up just a touch and opened the curtain “door” to the living room to add some ambient heat.

The temp is heading south in a hurry in the next couple of days and we’ll be seeing lows in the 20’s. I went out to the cellar house to check the heat tape on the well pump (it was working fine) and I noticed a faint tick-tick-ticking sound on the leaves. I looked down at the dark wool sleeves of my Navy pea coat and saw…little tiny snowflakes! I was hoping to miss those for a while…but, there they were.

The snow didn’t last long. I ate my breakfast and took my tea to the chair by the window to prepare my knitting when the phone rang. It was my cousin and Aunt Rosie calling. What a joy to hear their voices! Our conversation lasted for nearly two hours. My Aunt Rosie is the last of my mother’s sisters still with us. When I told her I was at Grandma’s house, I could hear their love through the wires.

My aunt told me about the vivid dreams she’s been having about times long ago. She said they would make great stories, even if they were just her own. I must get her to tell me some of them before I no longer have the opportunity. I asked her if I could read yesterday’s post to her and she said yes. By the time I got to the end, she was crying and at first I felt bad that I had made my beloved aunt cry. Then I realized, those tears are good tears. They are not tears of regret. They’re not even necessarily sad tears. They are reminders of deep love and time well spent in the presence of loved ones. I was glad I got to share that moment with her.

Aunt Rosie was my champion when I was just a button of a baby. I remember her hiding me in the closet when I tore my mother’s book. She didn’t want me getting in trouble. She sent pictures of me as a little tot at her wedding. She helped Hubby #2 and me when we needed a little money to go to interviews for internship and residency. She was the one who met me in Charlotte to fly home for my mom’s funeral. We shared a double bed in the “Girls’ Room” upstairs at the farm. We laughed and shivered at the hundreds and hundreds of Asian lady beetles tip-tapping on the ceiling and vowed we weren’t staying another night in that house.

As we get older, our stories are sometimes all we have left of happier times…simpler times…times of “back home” and “remember when”. Without being dismissive of her feelings, I gently brought her back to happier memories. We talked for nearly two hours and by the time we finished, the light was getting dim. I put everything away and came to Grandma and PopPop’s bed to write this love letter to you all.

I love when my stories touch your hearts. I know then that I am doing what God sent me here to do…my life’s purpose. To bring you back to your own stories through the telling of my own. In this age of divisiveness, I am here to say, unequivocally…we are all far more alike than we are different. If we could just get back to the telling and sharing of stories and of love and laughter and fun…the world would become a much better place.

I hope you can reach out and touch people with your story today. Let us not waste the one big and beautiful life we have been given. When I look at this floor, I feel the heartbeat of every soul that ever walked on it. Sharing that can only raise us all up because…it’s nothing but love.

“Let all that you do be done in love.”
1 Corinthians 16:14 ESV

A Super Sunny Saturday

Sun, 16 Oct 2022 01:30:00 -0600

Taking a break for a s’more!

Friday night was the first night I’ve slept in the house in a month. Our little home on wheels has beckoned me to “camp” in our field under a canopy of stars…even when the temperatures hovered near freezing. The only time I can talk Mr. FixIt into sleeping in the camper with me is when we are actually…you know…CAMPING. At a campground. I don’t blame him. He has a bad back and the mattress in the camper is brutal. However, now he has no excuse!

The new mattress is here!

After opening up the box and following the directions to allow the mattress to open up and restore its original shape, we had to leave it alone for 24 hours. I went out yesterday to dress the bed and clean the camper to get it ready for the last few days we’ll have the chance to sleep out here. Mr. FixIt promised he would come out here to sleep last night. It will give him a chance to try out the new mattress and see what he thinks of it.

It was sunny and warm yesterday. After I got the camper cleaned up, I stretched out on the bed to try out the mattress myself. I think I’m going to like it! The sun was shining in the big curbside window and it was so warm and cozy in there. I was just about to doze off when Mr. FixIt called and wanted to know if I’d like to go out for pizza. Oh, heck yeah! I love when he “asks me out.” One should never stop dating their life partner. I want him to always know I’d choose him over and over and over again and he feels the same way.

We went for a little detour on our way home and caught some great views. Unfortunately, there was quite a bit of traffic on that little two-lane because of a Harvest Festival at the fair grounds so I couldn’t really stop to take pictures save for this beautiful white-faced bull. If we’d had jackets with us, we might have stopped to see what was going on at the fairgrounds, but it was getting pretty chilly. We came home instead.

We saw this big handsome fella while we were driving out the backroads last evening.

As I was laying here writing this, a lovely barred owl started calling in the sycamore trees along the hedgerow. I love their vocalizations.

“Who-cooks-for-you? Who-cooks-for-yooooooou?”

The other night we were driving home and a whippoorwill flew right out in front of me. I was so sure I hit it and it just made me sick. They are becoming more and more rare in our area. It saddened me to think I may have hurt it.

I saw a “wooly worm” in the field yesterday afternoon. Old wives tales say their coloration predicts the severity of the winter ahead. Allegedly, the more black there is, the worse the winter is supposed to be. This little guy said “Winter will come in like a lion and out like a lamb.” At the same time, the same variety of caterpillar told my friend (just 20 miles away) it would be a harsh winter because the coat was solid black.

There are some “old wive’s tails” I totally believe in. For instance, if you see the underside of the leaves showing on a hot summer afternoon, you should get ready for rain because it’s on its way. That’s science…heat rises and when moist heat rises sharply, thunderstorms and rain develop. But wooly worms? Yeah…the jury’s still out on that.

Tractor Supply had some beautiful mums on sale!

Mr. FixIt bowls tonight. I’ll take the camper up today to empty the tanks, then I can winterize it. I told my sweetie I’ll go out to the farm to mow sometime this week and I’ll stay for a couple of days. Hunting season is coming soon so there will be people in and out of there and I won’t get a chance to stay again for a while.

“Prepare your work outside; get everything ready for yourself in the field, and after that build your house.”
Proverbs 24:27 ESV

The Great Spangled Fritillary and Happy Anniversary!

Thu, 13 Oct 2022 01:30:00 -0600

Wow, was yesterday crazy busy! I’m trying to use up the food out in the camper…the lazy way. Rather than pack it all up, carry it inside, and put it all away…I’m bringing my sweetheart out to the camper every morning for a little dining “al fresco”. So far it’s been great! We’ve been eating up the croissant breakfast sandwiches and tea. We’re going to have to have bacon and blueberry pancakes soon. Maybe we’ll do that today for our anniversary! Four years…can you believe it???

Back to yesterday. Once breakfast was done, we hit the ground running. Mr. FixIt dug up all the elephant ear bulbs on Monday and let them dry in the sun for a day. Then he trimmed back the stringy roots on them and tucked them in a bin lined with a plastic bag. He didn’t close the bag or anything. They need to get air but remain cool, dark, and dry till spring.

Once that was done, we took the cover off the pergola for the winter. I put the cushions away in the building and stacked the chairs. Once we get a couple of boards replaced on the pool deck, we can lash down the deck furniture to keep things from blowing around out there in case we have bad storms.

Next up was cutting up the maple tree we took down yesterday. I swear…I’ve used a monster sized chainsaw in my life. We used to cut our own wood. Maybe it was because Mr. FixIt was watching me carefully to make sure I didn’t get hurt, but I was all thumbs. I got the chain caught twice…once really bad when the tree trunk rolled over on the chain bar. Mr. FixIt said a bad word. I don’t blame him…I might have said a few myself!

Once we regained our zen and I found the rhythm, things moved along just fine. We piled the limbs in the back of Mr. FixIt’s pickup and made two trips over to the burn pile. We are going to have one heck of a bonfire one of these days! We cleaned up our work area and I ran the riding mower over the fallen leaves to mulch them up. Then we carried the two tubs of elephant ear bulbs down to the basement.

In the middle of all that, we stopped for a break and I made some broccoli cheese soup…sans biscuits. I didn’t have it in me to bake, too. The soup was wonderful and there’s enough leftover to have more today. We are supposed to get rain all day today so I am hoping to have a quiet “inside day” with my sweetheart. We’ve just been go-go-going for what seems like all year. We still have so much to do before it gets really cold in a few days.

I went out to the camper to get something yesterday afternoon and there was a Great Spangled Fritillary butterfly sitting on the arm of my chair. It was flexing its wings and they looked odd. I think the back pair are malformed or under-developed. If you look at it compared to one on Google images, it’s really apparent. I never did see if it could fly…I had work to do. I hope it went on it’s way. This is why I want to turn part of our fields into native habitat for the flora and fauna to live the way they’re supposed to.

???

“Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men,”
Colossians 3:23 ESV

Teach Us to Number Our Days

Wed, 28 Sep 2022 01:30:00 -0600

There was a time when the memories of Mr. Virgo and me that pop up on FB would make me cry. They don’t any more. Nearly always, they make me smile. They bring a flood of warmth and a reminder of what an amazing life I lead…then and now. These are good things. This shows healing, grace, mercy, and personal growth.

As I looked through my Facebook feed last night, I stumbled upon a memory from exactly eleven years ago. Even before Mr. Virgo’s passing, I was becoming more aware how finite our time on this Earth really is. I can’t say that I “knew” our time together would be short because I never really let myself think about that. I was very busy living in the here and now. That being said…and hindsight being 20/20…I must have had some deep feeling about it. Because, I wrote this:

Life's "Sweet Treat" of the Day: Actually, this is from last night. [Mr. Virgo] and I always go to sleep like two spoons in a drawer. Since I've been adjusting to my new schedule, I sometimes go to bed before him and it can be easy to fall asleep and not make that spoon. Last night I was drifting off and a thought came to me. What if this was the last day we were together and God took one of us home? How would I feel the next day if I'd missed the opportunity? Needless to say...a spoon was made! Don't ever miss those golden moments you can share while you have your loved one by your side!
Written September 2011

Mr. Virgo died in March 2013.

This is as much…if not more so…a teaching moment about the fragility of life. The Bible tells us we will not know the number of days in our life. Therefore, it is imperative to make sure each one of those days count. I am human. I can easily become complacent and forget my own warning. I sometimes get caught up in the minutia of living. The mowing. The cooking. The cleaning. We all get caught up in the petty annoyances of sharing life with another human being…especially in the Age of Covid when we are thrust together 24/7/365.

I know for a fact that many of you are on your own now. Widowed. Divorced. Single by choice or alone by chance…either way, we can be reminded too late of those woulda-shoulda-couldas. If, God forbid, my sweet Mr. FixIt should pass before me, I don’t want to wish I would have told him more often how much he means to me. I don’t want to remember a hurt look or a neglected moment.

We can’t be “on” all the time, but we can certainly make a more concerted effort to keep our relationships fresh and healthy, alive and hopeful, honored and respected. That is my vow today as I reread these words I wrote over a decade ago…to be a better person to this fellow human with whom I share a life. We all deserve that.

We went to the farm yesterday to mow. It sorely needed it, but the grass is petering out as the season wanes. My guess is, there won’t be but a time or two more and we’ll be done with it for the year. As we drove there, we came around a curve and there was an Animal Control Officer in his truck parked crosswise…lights flashing. Beyond him, a young woman led a number of horses down the center of the road making a right turn up a driveway. Someone’s horses got loose. I whispered “Thank you, Jesus!” I was so grateful they weren’t there in the road, in a blind turn.

We ran to town after we finished mowing to have the oil changed in the truck. The brakes started shimmying a little which indicates the rotors are a little warped. They’ll need rotated but they can’t get to it till we get back. It won’t hurt anything driving to our campsite today. We still have plenty of brake pad left. It makes me wonder if I need to adjust the trailer brakes to grab a little bit more. I can to that today when we hitch up the camper to leave.

The temperature was predicted to be 41° last night. The highs while we are camping this week will be in the 60’s and the lows in the 40’s every night. When we were waiting for the truck to be finished in the automotive department at Walmart last evening, we shopped and bought three essentials for the trip…a toaster, an electric tea kettle, and a small ceramic heater. As I’m writing this, I’m very glad I have that little heater. There is a propane furnace in the camper, but it gives off an odor and it was a touch smoky when it was in use. Mr. FixIt assures me that’s because it hadn’t been used yet. Either way, the ceramic heater is not as noisy, there is no odor, and why use up our propane when we can use the electric we are paying for at the campground?

We have camped at this campground before, however I cannot remember what the cell service was like so if for some reason I can’t get a post scheduled…I’ll be back in civilization on Saturday.

“So teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom.”
Psalm 90:12 ESV

Day Fourteen: See Ya Next Time!

Sat, 30 Jul 2022 01:30:00 -0600

Little on the floor, scrubbing that lovely piece of linoleum!

It has been a fun two weeks, but Little is ready to get home. Big will be leaving for college soon so they need to spend some quality time together. Everyone will be happy to get their Little Bear home, safe and sound.

Nana made biscuits and gravy, eggs and sausage, and topped it off with homemade applebutter per Little’s request!

We had a lovely breakfast. I made a batch of buttermilk biscuits and gave Little the choice of what flavor jam or jelly they wanted on them. Apple Butter was the winner. This is the next to last jar so I’ll probably need to make some more this year. We had sausage and eggs…and sweet tea. It was more like “brunch” considering it was nearly 2:00 in the afternoon before we got around to cooking.

The Old Mt. Zion Church back on the hill. Grandma and PopPop brought the kids here every Sunday afternoon for services. it made me smile to think of them sitting in the very pews we scrubbed yesterday.

We did laundry. We were going to go to town to mail the things that won’t fit in the suitcase, but this stupid washing machine. I intensely dislike the kind without an agitator because it doesn’t get the clothes clean and darks invariably have white soap scum on them…even with an extra rinse. They are supposed to be conserving energy but how can you conserve energy when you have to run them twice to get things clean? So, I’ll have to make a special trip to town next week to ship this stuff.

The pulpit in Mr. Zion Church.

I cooked the last of the half-runner beans in the little pressure cooker, then Little and I headed off on an important errand. The other day, Little noticed how dirty the old church was and wanted to go back out to sweep and clean. They didn’t forget, so we loaded up the brooms and rags, jugs of water and Spic & Span, and headed off for the country.

Little sweeping up all the dead ladybugs and dust bunnies.

We swept and wiped and washed and scrubbed till we got it as clean as we could. Then Little went out and picked a bouquet of Queen Anne’s Lace and put it in the vase on the altar. We stood there for a moment in silence, signed the guest book, and turned to leave. My heart is so full at the goodness of this child.

We were amazed at how bright the colors were when the floor was wet. It needs waxed!

We went back to Grandma’s farm and sat on the front porch for quite some time. We talked about all the people who used to live there. We feel them around us when we are there and know that we are loved and watched over.

Grandma’s Road at the end of the day.

On the way home, we stopped for ice cream and brought a scoop home for Grandpa FixIt. Then Little jumped in the pool one last time. We had a lot of rain off and on yesterday and that water was decidedly cooler last night than it has been the last couple of weeks. No way I was getting in there, but Little had a blast. When the bats came out and started circling for their dive-bomb drinks of water from the pool, Little decided that was their signal that time was up and they were out of the pool in a flash! The laundry was done, the bags were packed, decisions were made for what needed to go today and what could wait to be mailed. We got the Boarding Pass from Daughter #1.

Making the turn to cross PopPop’s Bridge!

And…that’s a wrap, folks! Operation Nana Camp was a rousing success!!!

“For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways. On their hands they will bear you up, lest you strike your foot against a stone. You will tread on the lion and the adder; the young lion and the serpent you will trample underfoot.”
Psalm 91:11-13 ESV

Day Twelve Was Just Plain Nice

Thu, 28 Jul 2022 01:30:00 -0600

I told Mr. FixIt on Tuesday night…”I’m not doin’ nuthin’ tomorrow!” And I pretty much meant it. I worked so hard Monday and Tuesday on those beans, I decided Little and I would just have a lay low day. We pretty much accomplished that. “Grandpa FixIt” went to town for an appointment and to the the funeral home for the visitation for an old employee, so Little and I just hung out here at home.

It rained most of the day, which was lovely. It kept the temperature down and it was cozy to look at. I cleaned up the kitchen and made my coffee. I washed the sweater I knitted for Big and blocked it. Then I sat down to knit. Little got their drawing supplies out to work on. While they colored, I watched YouTube videos about Appalachian life and cooking. One of my favorite channels is Celebrating Appalachia. She had an episode on making Appalachian Peach Cobbler. We bought a small basket of Georgia Peaches at one of Witten’s Produce Stands on Monday, so I decided that’s what we needed.

Here’s the recipe as I made it.

Preheat your oven to 350°

Peel and slice your peaches. I scald them then put them in cold water. The skins will slip right off of them and you won’t waste a bit of that yummy peach flesh. (We saved a couple of peach pits to try to grow our own fruit trees!) Place your peaches in a bowl with a little water and lemon juice to keep them from discoloring.

Place two sticks of butter in a large baking dish. I have a nesting set from Anchor Hocking and I use the size up from a 13”x9”. Place in the oven till the butter is melted.

Mix 2 c. Self Rising Flour, with 2 c. Sugar, and I add an extra teaspoon of Baking Powder to give it a little boost. Set aside.

Mix 1 c. Milk and 1 c. Buttermilk and set aside.

Strain your peaches reserving about a cup of the juice. Place the peaches, juice, and 1/2 c. Sugar in a saucepan and boil for five minutes, stirring frequently.

Take your baking dish out of the oven. Pour the hot peach mixture in over the butter, but do not stir.

Mix the milk/buttermilk mixture into the dry ingredients. You’ll end up with a wet batter. Pour this batter over the peaches and butter and again, do not mix. I used a cookie sheet under the baking dish because the pan looked pretty full and I didn’t want it to boil over in the oven. It didn’t by the way, but better to be safe than sorry and have to clean up a mess.

Place in the oven at 350° for 40 minutes or until the top is getting golden brown. The peachy bottom with be pretty runny but it’s made a yummy syrupy concoction that pairs well with the cobbler topping. Remove and serve warm in a bowl with vanilla ice cream or cold or heated up again. However you want it, just spoon it up and enjoy! SO good!

I cooked a big pork roast in the slow cooker yesterday and that will feed us for several days. Anything to keep from having to cook every day, right?

I did a little walkabout after the rain and checked out the flowers. There was an errant Elephant Ear…quite a distance from the flower bed where Mr. FixIt planted the bulbs this spring. And we are finally getting some flowers on the Passion Fruit vine. There are lots of Morning Glory vines, but I’ve only seen one small flower on it this summer. We need to mow already, but it’s been too wet with all this rain. Two more sleeps and Little goes home.

Oh, and when I was cleaning up the kitchen yesterday morning, I noticed I melted the controls on the back of the stove while I was canning! Who knew you could melt the stove when you’re cooking on it? It seems like a bit of a dichotomy. I hate that I did this but Mr. FixIt brushed it off. He said he would look online to see if he could find a replacement panel.

“Better is a dinner of herbs where love is than a fattened ox and hatred with it.”
Proverbs 15:17 ESV

#Love, #Family, #FarmLife

New Eyes

Mon, 06 Jun 2022 01:30:00 -0600

I remember when I became a Christian and invited Jesus into my heart. It felt as though every cell in my body had been made new again. My vision was even different. I was given new eyes. Not literally, of course…but I was seeing the world through the lens of Jesus. Everything was filtered in a new light and I could see beauty in places I’d never seen it before.

I was talking with a friend of mine the other day who is developing a relationship with God. I shared something in a conversation and the response was… “You have grown.” I smiled and said a gracious thank you. I have grown. I’ve put in a lot of work AND Jesus has done the biggest part of the heavy lifting. However, part of the shift in this person’s perception is the new eyes they’ve been given. It’s wonderful to see the metamorphosis in a person that comes through faith.

I watched church online yesterday. It’s the first time I’ve watched a sermon in a while. We’ve been in a season of being still. We stopped going to church in person early in the pandemic. We watched our home church online for about a year afterward. Then, a series of events occurred that caused us to lose confidence in our pastor. I was disappointed, to say the least. It wasn’t a crisis of faith or belief. We just needed to be still and listen for God in our lives.

He has shown up in huge ways. We’ve seen frank miracles play out before us and it’s been so comforting to know God never leaves our side…no matter where we are in our process. I picked up my coffee and my book and headed out to the deck to read before the day got too hot. Not long after I sat down, I received a notification that Red Rocks Church was going online in five minutes. I felt compelled to tune in and it was as if someone passed a note to Pastor Shane and said, “Here…talk about letting go. Ginny needs to hear this and send it to her friend.” It was the perfect message at the perfect time.

God shows up for us in the most amazing ways and we can truly be in a relationship with Him if we open our hearts and minds, let go, and listen for His voice. It humbles me every single time. It excites me. It brings me joy. It fills me with awe. I sat there listening to the sermon and it couldn’t have been more direct if they would have said my name…or my friend’s name. I shared it, of course. After all…it was given to me for that very purpose.

Hearing God’s voice, feeling His presence, and taking directions is only part of the equation. It’s equally important to do what He tells us to do. When you do that, there is inexplicable peace and joy that washes in. And that…that is a feeling that makes you want to keep coming back for more.

“You will show me the way of life, granting me the joy of your presence and the pleasures of living with you forever.”
Psalms 16:11 NLT

A Beautiful OBX Day

Fri, 22 Apr 2022 01:30:00 -0600

We walked down to the beach after breakfast yesterday and it was pretty windy and cool. Mr. FixIt wants to fish with his new rod and reel I bought him for his birthday, but it’s been so chilly this week…it just hasn't happened. I told him it didn’t matter to me…if he wanted to bring the stuff out to the beach and fish, I was game for anything. He thought about it for a bit and said, “Wanna drive up to Corolla and see the horses?” I said, “Wanna take your bait with you and fish when we get there?” He lit up! Win Win!

We packed a picnic lunch and headed north on the island to where the paved road turns to sand. The first time Mr. FixIt brought me out on the beach, I was scared to death! I looked out at the waves and through an optical illusion, they looked much higher than my truck and I was just sure we were going to get stuck in the sand. Or worse…swept out to sea.

Mr. FixIt drove on the beach his whole life so this is second nature to him. I trust him explicitly. And, accidents can happen. Since that first time out there, I’ve done a lot of work on fear and anxiety and trust. And, since nothing happened to me the first time, I figured my chances of dying were now reduced to 50/50. Besides, God tells us to cast all our fears on Him. So I threw great big handfuls of fear over to Jesus and He caught them…like He always does!

It was wonderful! We no sooner got out on the sand till we saw one of the wild horses. I told Mr. FixIt that God puts that one there for the scaredy cats so when they back out after 100 feet, they can still say they saw a wild horse. We didn’t see any more this time and none of the babies. We drove up the beach a ways and parked the truck along the high tide mark. Mr. FixIt got his chair and gear out. I really don’t like the chairs we brought with us. They are lighter and easier to carry out to the beach, but they are so uncomfortable. I decided to sit in the truck with the window down where I could be out of the wind, yet still hear and smell the ocean and be comfortable.

I knitted and watched the waves. I’ve learned how to knit without looking so I can multitask now. Mr. FixIt came in every once in a while to warm up or have a little something to eat. As we expected, fishing wasn’t any good, but we had a great time. He loves his new rod and reel and said it’s so much easier to cast which was the goal.

We finally gave up and went on the prowl for a treat. I got a kiddie cup of peach ice cream. I can remember my dad’s only sister…my Aunt Marge…making this delicacy in the summer when we would go to her farm for a visit. She was a remarkable cook and her ice cream was the best! This wasn’t anything like hers, but thinking of her, sitting on her front porch with Queenie, the Norwegian Elkhound at her feet made me smile with warm memories. Aunt Marge had a hand pump out on the side porch of her house. I have distinct memories of pumping a pitcher of water that was so cold and so sweet and pure it gave you shivers to drink it.

We came back to the condo and stretched out for a little snooze before heading to the sound to watch the sunset. I thought of you all and wished you could see it then remembered, I haven’t done a live FB video for a while so it set that up. A little glitch at the front because I forgot you couldn’t shot landscape…it had to be portrait. Once that was fixed, I chatted with a few of you as the sun set. That was lovely and really added to the magic of the evening.

Isn’t it amazing…I can stand on the Currituck Sound watching the sunset and bring it to you live. From a phone. A phone so powerful it knocks the socks off my first few home computers. The lunar landing module had less computer power than we carry around in our pocket. We are so hyper connected and that can be really bad. We never unplug and just “be” anymore. But, it can be beautiful…just like last night. Friends hanging out together and thanking God for technology and sunsets.

Life is beautiful…even in it’s supreme messiness.

“Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me.”
Philippians 4:11-13 ESV

Life and Dreams

Mon, 18 Apr 2022 01:30:00 -0600

Our week at the timeshare is almost always perfect. We may have a day or two of chilly, wet weather, but for the most part, it is usually in the 70’s with sunshine. That’s not exactly the same this year. We are looking at mostly sunny days, but our warmest day will be in the mid to high 60’s. The rest will be a mixed bag of rain and 50’s to low 60’s. But, like Mr. FixIt says…a bad day at the beach beats mowing any day!

We had a leisurely morning then went out to do a little sightseeing in the afternoon. We went to the Wright Brother’s Memorial and wandered around for a while. We drove up the coast road and stopped at the Avalon Pier to check out fishing opportunities. The wind was whipping and really cold, but we braved a walk out to take pictures and a short video.

We stopped to pick up a couple of things we forgot. I meant to get a box of Matzoh to make Matzoh Brei for breakfast one morning…one of my all time favorite meals to have during Passover. (I wrote about it when we were here in 2019! You can read how to make it HERE!)

We stopped for a late lunch salad and headed back to the condo for our afternoon siesta. I love being retired. And I love having the freedom to go places. We’ll camp a lot more this year since we have the Big Birdhouse. We have to do these things while we can. If Mr. Virgo’s death taught me anything, it’s that you cannot wait to enjoy your life and be happy. There may never be a perfect time to do that thing you’ve always wanted to do or go to that place you’ve always wanted to see. Maybe resources and responsibilities preclude you from living out that exact dream. However, there’s nothing that says you can’t adjust your dreams and do something that DOES fit.

I’ve been saying “life is short” for ten years now. If I say it for another ten…or twenty, God willing…it’s STILL short. We are but a breath…a little blip in time. We are here to love and serve God and steward those gifts He gives us. Life is ultimately simple, yet complex. Easy, yet challenging. Peaceful, yet often stress inducing. I know I’m not the only one feeling the extra stresses of life in the last couple of years. All the more reason to carve out the moments that bring you joy and peace.

(Thank you for sharing, Zeke!)

This side of heaven is hard work sometimes…but oh, the rewards when we get to our Heavenly home will be well worth the things we go through here.

“For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, so that each one may receive what is due for what he has done in the body, whether good or evil.”
2 Corinthians 5:10 ESV

Big on the Big Screen

Sat, 19 Mar 2022 01:30:00 -0600

I gave her her first bath, much to her parent’s dismay. I misunderstood. She wanted me to show her how to bathe the baby by not actually DOING it. We all survived and there were plenty of other baths for mom and dad to participate in. Anyway, my first grandchild has gone from a little tadpole to a barracuda. She and her mom are up north at one of her last swim meets as a high school student. Big texted this afternoon with a link and we pulled her events up on the big screen TV. There, I watched my beautiful girls…Big in the water and Daughter #1 timing the races.

I found myself staring at my daughter between heats. Even though she was clear over on the other side of the pool and the picture was fuzzy, I’d know her anywhere. She still stands like she did when she was little. Gosh, I miss my Colorado peeps terribly. I’m counting down. In two months, I’ll be there with them for Big’s high school graduation.

This is a big year for that. My youngest bonus grandchild graduates in May four days after Big. Then, in August, Mr. FixIt and I will attend our 50+1 Year High School Reunion. We are a year late due to covid. We are truly hoping all will be well for that event. Who knows…between covid and world events, things are dicey.

Yesterday was so lovely and warm. One of my school chums is coming today to pick up “Birdie” and she’s heading off to live in Virginia. We worked on her yesterday and made sure everything was in good order. I went in to our home safe to get the title and…it wasn’t there! I checked the safe deposit box last week and it wasn’t there either. I told Mr. FixIt, I’d better head to town and get a duplicate or we were in big trouble.

They’re doing some repair work on the two lane about halfway to town. There’s a huge bump that hooves up over the winter. They come in periodically and shave it down, but this time they decided to do a more permanent fix. The traffic was down to one lane with a flagger. As I sat there, I went through the sequence of events, trying to remember where I could have possibly put that title. Suddenly, it hit me!

It was in my purse! I put it there when we traveled to Colorado last year. I learned my lesson when I had to sell that small camper a couple of years ago halfway through my trip because the rough interstate shook the stuffings out of it and it wasn’t safe to tow back. I had to have Mr. FixIt overnight the title. When it arrived, it was the wrong one so we had to try again. This time I had it with us, just in case.

That eliminated the long wait at the DMV, which is always a great relief. I did need to replace some big washers on the weight distribution hitch that goes with the camper. And I needed a new ball for our hitch. I filled up with gas. $100 was the cutoff on the pump…per purchase on plastic. It was full, so I left it alone. Every time I stand in front of the gas pump or the checkout in the market, all I can see are empty baby carriages on a train platform and I hand over the money with such gratitude.

As I write this, I can hear the spring peepers out there…singing their siren songs…wooing their prospective mates. An occasional night bird I’ve yet to identify calls. The bark of a dog comes echoing down the holler and cars accelerate up the two lane blacktop out front, gaining speed for the steep hill ahead. I can hear the faint background music on the detective show Mr. FixIt loves to watch. Our world here is light years away from the strife and trauma of Ukraine. I pray peace for these people…and for our world. I donate and make informed choices at the voting booth. And I turn it over to God and live the best life I can. I don’t want to squander one moment of it. Those whose lives have ground to a halt in this war would give anything to have this peace. I pray it comes soon.

Today is coffee with my high school friends. We’ll hug and love on each other and not waste a moment of the time we’ve been given. And I’ll try to keep my mind from going into the “what if” closet.

“Too long have I had my dwelling among those who hate peace. I am for peace, but when I speak, they are for war!”
Psalm 120:6-7 ESV

The Gift of Grace

Sun, 13 Mar 2022 01:30:00 -0600

God grants us grace, even though we are fallible creatures and don’t deserve it. It is His Gift to us and we would do well to be appreciative. We share that gift with others as a sort of “paying it forward”. We let go of the slights of others against us. We forgive others of countless trespasses. I’ve found the one person we are most likely to forget when we are handing out grace is ourselves.

This hit home with me this week as I struggled with losses. I wrote about losing my dear friend Diane in December and how I blamed myself for not being more forceful with her… “demanding” that she get out of bed and go to the ER. I wrote about the week leading up to Mr. Virgo’s death and how the doctor wanted him to have a cardiac work up and I didn’t fight harder to get him to acquiesce. I wrote about the clear premonitions I had in the days before his death, yet I said nothing.

We can be so hard on ourselves, can’t we? Those feelings…that “lack of grace” doesn’t come from God, though. It comes from the enemy to try and break us and defeat us. I awoke yesterday at 6:30am…far earlier than usual. I laid there in the early morning stillness, watching the light begin to creep in the windows of our room. The snow was still falling and the wind whistled around the corners of the house and through the hedgerow beyond. I knew sleep would not return, so I quietly slipped out of bed and closed the door behind me.

I made coffee in my Italian espresso maker. It always comes out so strong so I softened it with milk and hot water to make it more palatable. Still, I have been drinking weaker coffee since my surgery, and soon my heart was fluttering and I felt jittery. I rocked in front of the fire and knitted, relished the quiet solitude of these early morning hours before the TV gets turned on. My mind raced faster than my needles. The combination of the extra caffeine and the significance of the day weighed heavily on me and I soon felt anxious.

I truly hate that feeling. The one thing that will make it escalate is the thought that follows. “OMGosh! What would I do if there was an emergency now and I’m feeling so overwhelmed and out of control already?” I know it’s ridiculous because I know God gives us what we need in emergencies. I’m doing much better at turning these things over to God and letting him handle it. I closed my eyes and talked with Him.

“God…I’m going to lay this basket of junk at the foot of your Cross today. Please take it and give me the direction you meant me to go.” In that moment, the word “Grace” popped into my mind. As I sat there and rocked gently, the word loomed ever larger and I realized…God not only wants us to share His Grace with others. He also wants us to grant a goodly portion on ourselves.

It’s ok that I was overwhelmed with all the feelings yesterday. It’s ok that I allowed myself those moments to feel sad and anxious without imposing guilt, shame, and weakness on top of it. I am not weak. I’ve nothing to feel guilty for. I needn’t experience shame. I grieve the losses of the ones I love…and the vast number that I don’t even know.

It’s ok to not be ok every moment of every day. Today is a new day. I don’t stay down very long anymore. I’ll indulge that twenty-four hours…or whatever time I need…then pick myself up, dust myself off, and ask God…

“Ok, what’s next?”

“for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified by his grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus,”
Romans 3:23-24 ESV

Springtime in West Virginia

Sun, 06 Mar 2022 02:30:00 -0600

Ahhhhhh….what a gorgeous day! Yesterday dawned bright and crisp and by late afternoon, it was 80°!!! It just doesn’t get any better than that. While we could have gone out and about, we elected to save the gas money for the travel we’ll be doing later in the spring and summer. Mr. FixIt finished hooking up the electric jack on the Big Birdhouse and piddled around a bit outside. We had a small bottle of bleach in the tool bin in the Little Birdhouse last summer and the road vibrations caused the cap to loosen and leak. The result was this weird corrosion on anything metal which included the manual crank for the jack in case of power failure. He spend quite a bit of time sanding it down and cleaning it up.

We got the big extension ladder out and I climbed up to take the Christmas wreath down. I also replaced the halogen bulb in the floodlight. Mr. FixIt was my spotter. His balance is not reliable since his strokes so there’s no more climbing ladders for him. I’m still quite strong and steady. I won’t go too high, but this was fine. We were both very careful. It’s farm life…what can I say?

We had a fingernail moon last night and it was still 72° well after dark, so I headed out to the camper for the night. I always invite my sweetheart, but again…he doesn’t really see the point if we are parked 100 feet from the house. That’s ok…he doesn’t mind if I go out. It gives me a little quiet time in the camper and always feels like a cozy getaway. I brought out my knitting and was happy as a little clam. I finished a mitten and got a lot done on its mate.

As we lead up to the anniversary of Mr. Virgo’s death, I want to revisit some of my posts surrounding that time in my life. I mentioned premonitions in my post yesterday and someone wanted to hear more about that. Here is a post about what I experienced leading up to his death. It’s from the year after he passed.

[www.marshmallowranch.com/premoniti...](https://www.marshmallowranch.com/premonitions/)

““Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.”
Matthew 5:4 ESV

The Common Denominator

Sun, 27 Feb 2022 02:30:00 -0600

I was so fortunate to have the opportunity to be a stay-at-home mom when Hubby #2 joined a medical practice in 1986. We lived in the mountains of Colorado. We had a big five bedroom log house on a couple of acres. I fancied myself as some sort of latent hippy mama…a true granola, tree hugging believer in peace and love and Mother Earth News. Those were halcyon days. I was only 33 years old when we moved to Glenwood Springs.

I learned to ski. I baked our bread and made our yogurt. We burned wood…cutting and splitting great truckloads of logs. I made friends. Lifelong, lasting friends I’m still close to. I discovered the great joys of female friendship and the lovely tradition of meeting at a coffee shop once a week. There is one piece of advice I give my girls. Never forsake your female friendships. There will come a day…without a doubt…that you will need each other to get through the trials and tribulations of life. Even if it’s just to gather over a cup of coffee to solve the world’s problems and vent about the little difficulties of life.

When I first contemplated moving back to my home state after Mr. Virgo died, I asked my friends from high school, “How often do you gather for coffee?” I was told they had never done that. It just wasn’t something they did. These women worked and worked hard. Their weekends were spent caring for their homes and families. The economy isn’t as fluid in West Virginia and folks don’t spend frivolously. This is why we didn’t get a Starbucks here till just in the last few years. Few West Virginians will spend upwards of $5 for a cup of coffee.

While I totally understood the thinking behind it, I also knew these gals didn’t know what they were missing. I considered how much nicer their lives might have been had they had a group of gals to gather over coffee on a regular basis. I knew how much my women friends added to my life. So I set out to facilitate change in our little burg. I started sending out invitations to a handful of gals to meet for coffee.

We started out meeting in the lounge area of a popular historic hotel. We eventually needed to find better digs when the hotel remodeled and out little free spot was eliminated. I found a coffee shop on the south side of town that has a large meeting room…a sunroom, of sorts. We try to gather once a month, although there was a long stretch during covid when we did not see each other unless we met outside in the park.

My heart bursts when I see women who maybe hadn’t had a trusted female confidant in their lives join in lively conversations. I love when they move and shift around the table to catch up with each other on a more personal level. And at the end of our time together, the first one who needs to leave shouts, “Time for a picture!” Most often, we enlist the assistance of another customer at the coffee shop to take a group picture. Yesterday, we had a more intimate group and I captured a selfie that fit us all in the frame.

I love these gals. I love listening to their joy in the simple act of gathering. Yesterday was the first time we’ve met since our dear friend Sparky died. I felt her absence keenly. As I was hugging each in turn as we prepared to leave, I whispered to one, “We didn’t even mention our girl.” She said, “I know…it’s ok.”

I know Sparky wouldn’t want us crying in our coffee. She was too matter of fact and down to earth than that. She would want us to DO something. Support a charity. Join a committee. Serve on a board. Bring people together to make this world a better place. So, I give great consideration to the subjects of Sparky’s affection…mainly the down and out, be they two or four legged…and I contribute accordingly with her in my heart. And, I continue to gather these wonderful women together to love and support each other and to network ideas. This is my way of facilitating change in the world. We are each different in so many ways, yet our backgrounds hold us in the arms of our youth. We have found our common denominator.

Love.

“God is in the midst of her; she shall not be moved; God will help her when morning dawns.”
Psalm 46:5 ESV

Love is Like a Maypole

Wed, 15 Dec 2021 02:30:00 -0600

Mr. FixIt had a routine medical procedure done early yesterday morning. I sat in the truck, browsing through the comments on the tributes to my dear friend, Sparky…tears slowly streaming down my cheeks. I can’t think of her or talk about her or text with someone about her without crying. This is what fresh grief is. This is mourning. This grief will be with me for a while because dealing with loss doesn’t work on a schedule.

I have experienced other losses since Mr. Virgo died. But none that hit me in the gut like this one. I sat back in the truck seat and looked out as the morning light beckoned the early birds from slumber to begin their morning chorus. I thought about Sparky and why my relationship with her has resulted in a deeper grief than some others I’ve encountered in the last few years. The bottom line is how entwined our lives were.

Think of a Maypole. People dance around the pole, weaving ribbons in an intricate pattern. It doesn’t come apart easily, but you can trace a particular colored ribbon from bottom to top as it weaves in and out of the others. It takes all of them to make the big picture. That’s the way love is…any kind of love. Parts of ourselves blend and weave in with those we love so that when they are gone, there’s a hole in the pattern.

All day yesterday, whenever I saw or heard something funny, I thought of telling Sparky and my heart twisted as I remembered. Any of us who have lost someone dear have experienced the same thing. Time after time, I remembered Mr. Virgo wasn’t coming home from work. Time after time, I remembered my mom was gone when I reached for the phone to call her every Sunday night. Now, time after time, I’ll think of Sparky when I see something hysterically funny.

That’s not a bad thing. I mean, at first it’s gonna sting. But, for the rest of my life, I get to think of my friend every time I laugh. There are worse things in the world than celebrating joy in the memory of a great friend. I’ll get there. For now, I’ll experience the pain. It’s part of the process of grief. It’s the price I pay for having had a great friend.

I have something cute that I didn’t get the chance to show Sparky. I have a friend in California who is a widow who taught herself how to carve wooden figurines. I showed you the little grandma that I bought from her last year. This year I bought a Santa and I’ve decided to buy a new one every Christmas for the windowsill in the family room. Follow my friend’s page and you can see all the cute things she creates from solid pieces of wood. Cozy Cabin Carvings by Evelyn Jimenez can be found on Facebook HERE.

❄️

“Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins.”
1 Peter 4:8 ESV

Be the Light, Change the World

Tue, 30 Nov 2021 02:30:00 -0600

Photo Credit: @QuoteILoveU via Twitter

There are countless ways to live in this world. I used to operate without a safety net. I never read the instruction manual. I flew by the seat of my pants and wondered why things never changed for me. Every day, day in and day out, I made what felt like really bad decisions. It turns out…there are no mistakes. Only lessons. And God is a funny guy…He’ll keep bringing you serving after serving of the same stuff till you learn the lesson you’re being presented with.

Baby Christians…those who are new to the faith…see the world through rose colored glasses because God’s Grace is so new and so big and so obvious…most of the time, anyway. After you’ve been in the game for a while, it’s easy to forget just how big and awesome He is. It’s also easy to forget He doesn’t just give you a menu that you can pick and choose from then serve it all up on a silver platter. It just doesn’t work that way.

God always hears our prayers. And, He is omnipresent meaning He is here in every part of your life when you want Him to be. He answers prayers. We’ve all seen answered prayers. He answers ALL prayers. It’s just that sometimes the answer is “not yet” or, that bitter pill…. “no”. When you’re living life on easy street and you see blessing after blessing, miracle after miracle…it’s easy to see God. The problem comes when things are tough. That’s when it’s hard to hear Him. Hard to see Him. Hard to FEEL Him.

When life is challenging, like it seems to be these days, it’s easy to give up and think there’s no use trying. It’s easy to slip into the story the world is telling you. And, the more you listen to that story, the more darkness surrounds you. You can become numbed by the siren’s song of shopping, gossip, television, violence most frequently found on the internet and in the news and on social media.

We are like magnets. We are what we eat. Not just literally, but figuratively. When we “eat” a steady diet of negativity, it clouds our vision. We attract what we hunger for so more and more darkness fill our minds and hearts when what we really want is goodness and light. I don’t know anyone who starts each morning with a cup of coffee and says to the universe, “Please, fill me with ugliness and garbage and hatred today. Bring me all the things that will hurt me and ruin my life.”

I have found, the more light I open myself up to, the more light I can shine out into the world. When I stay away from disturbing images, vulgar language, hateful rhetoric…I have more room in my heart for the things listed in Philippians. The things we are directed to ponder. Whatever is True…Noble…Right…Pure…Lovely…Admirable.

Be the Change.
Be the Light.
Be the Church.
Be Good.
Be Kind.
Be Helpful.
Be Hopeful.
Be Generous.
Be Noble.
Be Honest.
Be Trustworthy.
Be of Good Moral Fiber.
Show Good Character.

Be the Light you want to see in the world. As Michelle Obama said, “When they go low, we go high.” When the haters hate…don’t give them airtime. Don’t acknowledge them. A fire cannot burn without fuel.

Be careful where you strike your match.

It is the last day of November, dear ones. We are in the holiday season where love and light and laughter are de rigueur. I don’t know about you, but I’d sure like to see it last more than a month. I’ve been laid up since Saturday night nursing a pulled muscle in my lower back. This has given me the opportunity to sit still with my feet up…something that is so NOT my usual routine. I’ve knitted. I’ve read. I’ve watched a little Andy Griffith. I’ve watched the birds and the kitty laying in the sun and looked at pictures on my phone. I’ve called up friends and family and caught up with correspondence. But, mostly I’ve sat in quiet contemplation. I’m determined to be the bearer of as much light and love and joy as I can possibly carry into and through the New Year.

Let’s do this. Let’s turn things around and bring some healing into the heart of the world. Lord knows…it needs it.

“Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.”
Philippians 4:8-9 ESV

Never Come Between a Girl and her Truck

Sat, 06 Nov 2021 01:30:00 -0600

When I was a single mom in Denver back in the mid to late ‘70’s, I didn’t have a pot to pee in or a window to throw it out of. I was living in HUD housing, supplementing my meager food budget with food from WIC, and occasionally qualifying for Food Stamps. I was poor as a church mouse and trying my best to raise my child alone 1,200 miles from my family. Hubby #1 was out of the service and had moved back to WV after we split for the last time. To say I was struggling was an understatement.

I could have stayed home on welfare. I would have loved the time with my daughter. But I knew that wasn’t the lesson I wanted her to learn. I wanted her to know when the going gets tough, you keep moving onward and upward. You never settle. I was only working part time, which didn’t bring in much money. When I finally found a full-time job, I was so proud of myself. Up to that point, every vehicle I’d had was a “throwaway” that I managed to scrape a few hundred dollars together to buy.

One time, I bought a huge boat of a car from some Iranian dudes for $250. The hood AND the trunk were wired down with coat hangers. There was duct tape in too many places to count. Sometimes the Bendix spring would get stuck and I’d have to get the hammer out that I carried with me all the time and give the starter a few solid whacks to break it loose. Finally, when the power steering and power brakes went out, I limped it into a car dealership and bought my very first semi-decent vehicle…a royal blue Ford Pinto.

Over the years, I’ve still occasionally held onto a junker because I didn’t feel like putting a lot of money or effort into getting a newer vehicle. Then…finally…Hubby #2 finished medical school and residency and joined an established practice. Slowly but surely, our vehicles became newer and more reliable. I’ll never forget the very first brand new car we bought. It was a gorgeous emerald green Honda Accord with tan leather seats. We felt so affluent.

I don’t buy new vehicles anymore. The depreciation when you take them off the lot just hurts too much. I’m happy to buy a three or four year old pickup with lowish miles and call it good. Still, there’s the maintenance issue. When you get into older vehicles, more things go wrong, and they become unreliable. Mr. FixIt is our resident mechanic. He changes the oil and the brake pads and always makes sure things are working as they should.

With the crazy busy year we had, a few maintenance things snuck up on us. Here in West Virginia, vehicles must pass a State Safety Inspection every year in order to drive them on the roads. This is a good thing. Until you know you need new brakes in order to pass the inspection. And, the truck is older and the salt they use on the roads here have taken its toll.

Mr FixIt ordered new brake pads, rotors, and calipers for his truck back in September when we got home from Colorado. Bless his heart. He’s poured his heart into getting the job done between camping and taking me to Columbus for doctor’s appointments. He’s broken old brake lines and had to buy new ones, bending them with a special tool we had to order off Amazon.

Sure, we could have taken the truck in and had the work done, but he did it himself for less than a quarter of what it would have cost, even at a mom and pop garage. Yesterday afternoon he finally finished! I am so proud of him for stubbornly plodding his way through and getting the job done. His job was made more difficult because he had those two small strokes last year. The feeling and dexterity is diminished in his hands and I know it was terribly frustrating for him. When he just couldn’t do something, which wasn’t often, I’d come and hold something for him.

We went to town yesterday to get the tag on both of our trucks because they were due. The inspection is also due, so since we had my truck, we stopped at the garage on our way home to get that finished. And…guess what?

It needs new brakes!

Oy!

“Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him.”
James 1:12 ESV

The Perfect Autumn Day

Thu, 21 Oct 2021 01:30:00 -0600

I know I tell you every day that THIS was the perfect day. That’s because it is. We have a tendency to rush through life. We forget to “stop and smell the roses”. We seek to get more when we don’t appreciate what we already have. It takes stopping…..just, s-t-o-p-p-i-n-g…to catch your breath, count your blessings, and SEE how glorious life is.

I have been away from television news for a week now and I’m telling you, I can feel the decompression happening in my brain…in my body…in the muscles in my neck. My time on my cell phone is drastically decreased. My thoughts are less frenetic. I’m sure my blood pressure is lower. I’m sleeping better. Everything feels better. This is a lesson to me. “We are what we eat.” Not just food, but whatever we put in our bodies comes out in other ways. When I am careful about what I consume, I am happier. And when I am happier, believe me…everyone in my orbit is happier.

We discovered a small problem with the new camper yesterday. Setting up the camper is a feat of large scale origami. And, if it isn’t perfectly level in every direction, the seam at the top may not meet correctly. We could see a little daylight in the corner. Seeing how there is rain in the forecast today, we felt it was imperative to reset the camper and make it perfectly level or we could get water inside. Water is death for a camper.

We had to run to Walmart to get a small level since I seem to have left the one I usually use at home. We stopped and grabbed coffee and a breakfast sandwich on the way. When we got back. I moved things out of the way so we could close the camper, then we carefully leveled it and set it back up. This time it went up much easier but there was still a very small bit of light showing in the corner. I believe that is a problem with the seal so we’ll stop on the way home Friday and have the guys look at it at the dealership.

I finally made it over to the bath house and took a long, hot shower after I got the camper set back up. I always wear my hair up, but yesterday I used the blow dryer on it and I was shocked at how long it’s grown. I haven’t had my hair this long since I was expecting Daughter #1. I love my hair long and I really love my grey hair. It has dark streaks in it…like lowlights. I’ll never color my hair again. And, I may just keep letting it grow.

Once we had everything set back up and organized, we sat out on the patio area of the campsite. I knitted and chatted with Mr. FixIt. Eventually, he asked if I’d like a sandwich and we had a late lunch. Then…it was time for a hike. We went out around the bass pond. We saw a small snake, a brown wooly worm, hickory nuts, walnuts, and buckeyes as well as lots of pretty colored leaves. We hiked on out by the lake and looped back around to the campground.

After our siesta time, Mr. FixIt asked if I’d like to go get ice cream. They sell it in the park office, but at this time of year, there’s only one employee in the office. There has to be two to serve Ice cream, so…I asked Mavis, my trusty GPS, to take me to the nearest ice cream store. We were SO excited to fine a Bruster’s Ice Cream Shop near the Polaris Mall about three miles away. Oh, my gosh! They have the BEST ice cream! The first time we had it was near Beaver Creek State Park a couple of years ago. I was thrilled to find it again. Butter Pecan…*swoon*!

As we were driving home, the full Hunter’s Moon was rising…big, fat, and orange in the deepening indigo sky to the east. And I without my camera! When we got back to the camper, I retrieved my cell phone and we went for a little walk to try to capture an image. As we came around a turn, there it was…straight down the road toward our campsite, rising directly between the rows or trees on either side. It couldn’t have been more perfect, unless I would have had a 35mm camera with a long lens, of course.

My bonus daughter called as we were getting back to the camper and we had a long chat, then Mr. FixIt set up his movie and I set to writing. We have one more night camping and we are supposed to get rain today and tonight. I don’t mind rain in a camper. It’s cozy and the sound is so soothing on the metal roof. Soon, we will be packed up and heading home…back to reality.

We need to get both campers winterized and cleaned out. We need to get the brakes finished on Mr. FixIt’s truck so we can clear out a section of the building to park the camper in. His truck is parked in front of the garage door we need access to. We need to pick up the cat from the Kitty Hilton and then we have to mow. I’m hoping it’s the last time of the season so we can focus on other jobs around the place.

In the meantime, we’re going to enjoy the time we have left here. We have vowed to return to this park again to camp because it’s truly been wonderful.

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“Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me.”
Philippians 4:11-13 ESV

I’m Getting the Hang of This

Thu, 07 Oct 2021 01:30:00 -0600

I got up before my uncle yesterday and had the biscuits ready to go in the oven by the time he stuck his head into the kitchen. When they came out, I fried him up a couple eggs sunny side up and he was one happy camper, for sure!

“The Cady”…antique carpet stretcher

We had so much fun visiting. He took me out in the building that he has packed FULL of “stuff” and we rummaged around. We found a crock that he gave me. He offered me a propeller off a submarine, but I declined. lol And he gave me a cast iron corn bread pan…the round kind with the divided sections. I need to get it cleaned up and seasoned. Then I can perfect my crispy cornbread baking a la Miss Brenda Gantt! It’s just about time to cook up some soup beans, I think!

I went to visit my cousin Tammy on my way home and dropped off some half runners and a jar of smoked pulled pork. Our visits are never long enough…and they are few and far between. But we had time to sit a spell and have a cup of coffee before I had to hit the road. I stopped at the German Valley Overlook on the far side of North Mountain. I love stopping there for photos because every single time, the view is different. The trees are lovely, but they haven’t made a big change in that valley yet. Still, it was lovely.

It was dark before I could get home and it was raining and becoming difficult to see clearly. So, I elected to stop at the farm to spend the night. It’s been a long time since I’ve stayed out here. It was raining gently when I climbed in bed. Oh….how I love the sound of rain on that tin roof.

Mourning Doves at the Feeder

My heart is so happy!

“Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.”
Romans 12:10 ESV

Kindness Matters

Thu, 30 Sep 2021 01:30:00 -0600

I woke up yesterday and had a hankerin’ for homemade buttermilk biscuits but the buttermilk I had in the fridge was “blinky”, as my mama called it. It was way past its expiration date so I made a quick run to Piggly Wiggly to get some more. While I was there, I checked out the meat department and there was a blade-in pork shoulder roast in the “reduced for quick sale” bin. A nearly $15 roast for only $6 and change. Not bad!

I got home and whipped up the biscuits, heated up some sausage patties and fried a couple of eggs for little breakfast sandwiches. Mr. FixIt and I enjoyed our breakfast together and watched a couple of game shows. I cleaned the kitchen then set the roast to cook in the crockpot. I worked on a hat I’m knitting for a Christmas present. Then, Mr. FixIt left to run errands in town.

Along about 2:00, I thought to myself… “OMGosh! I must have Covid…I can’t smell a thing!” I should have smelled that roast cooking long before that. I went into the kitchen, only to discover I had forgotten to turn on the crockpot when I moved it from one counter to the other. Whew…at least it wasn’t Covid!

A few months ago, Mr. FixIt and I went to the cemetery where most of his family are buried. He noticed his Uncle Junie never got his military plaque for his grave so he made the necessary arrangements to have it done. He received a call yesterday from the old gentleman down at the cemetery. The plaque was in and mounted and he needed Mr. FixIt to come in to pay the installation fee.

Now, Mr. FixIt is worse than me when it comes to yakking with people…even those he doesn’t know. He got to the cemetery around 4:30 and it was 6:30 when he called to say he’d just left there. Turns out the old fella who runs the place is in his 80’s and doesn’t have a lot of people to talk to up there. And, if our conversation on the phone yesterday morning was any indication, Mr. Okey was quite a talker himself.

When my hubby finally got home, I gave him a kiss and told him what a great guy he is. Not only did he think of his uncle when no one else had, but he sat and listened to the stories of a lonely old man and no doubt made his day.

I love this guy!

“making your ear attentive to wisdom and inclining your heart to understanding;”
Proverbs 2:2 ESV

Drifting Along With the Tumbling Tumbleweed

Sun, 19 Sep 2021 01:30:00 -0600

We got up fairly early yesterday morning and I made a batch of fresh buttermilk biscuits. We heated up the grits and the sausage gravy and had a breakfast fit for kings! We had our last round-table discussion with Ben & Sue for awhile and it always makes me sad when I leave my kids and this beautiful couple. They have embraced me as their own for a long, long time. And When Mr. FixIt came along, they welcomed him with open arms. Mr. FixIt and Ben are so much alike, it isn’t funny. They are a hoot and a half.

We actually got on the road shortly after 10:00…not long after my goal. But we had to make a stop at Walmart to return something. And, I decided to get a twin sized mattress topper for Mr. FixIt. The one we had on his bed was too big and it kept sliding around. This one is perfect and he says it is quite comfortable. So, that’s a win!

The extra stop put us back a little, but by the time we passed E-470…the outer ring of the circle around Denver…it was closing in on 11:00 and the traffic thinned out nicely. It becomes much more like normal interstate driving. When we added the extra overnight on our way to Colorado, I knew I wanted to do the same going home. That made us leave a day early, but the kids were all busy yesterday anyway so it wasn’t a big deal.

We stayed overnight in Colby, KS at the Whistlestop Antiques and Campground. It was SO windy when we got there, and I was really worried about setting up the camper. We were very careful, but you could still see a little daylight in the top driver’s side corner. We slung a rope over the top and tied it to the back bumper and the front hitch to give more protection should the wind pick up during the night.

We had water service last night so we each took a sponge bath to get the dirt of the day off. We felt so refreshed afterwards. The campground is right by Walmart, so Mr. FixIt took a walk over there before supper and brought home cookies! He saw tumbling tumbleweeds on the way back. We pulled sandwich fixings out of the fridge and had a picnic sitting on the edge of our beds chatting. I don’t know why, but this little camper feels so much more like real camping. My big camper is seriously a small house. You almost feel like you’re roughing it in the little a-frame.

So, today is more of the Kansas highway. I know it has its own beauty, and I’m looking for it. We passed fields with thousands of round bales of hay. There were interesting cuts in the earth where creeks and rivers carved up the terrain in the days of rain. I have no idea when they last saw rain here, but I’ve never seen the west this arid. It’s scary. Like, Dust Bowl scary. Please pray for any moisture they can get.

Oh, Daughter #1 went to an Octoberfest celebration last night and texted me. She had just met the sister of a guy Mr. FixIt and I graduated from high school with. She and her husband have retired in Colorado. What a teeny, tiny world it is, yes? I’m looking forward to seeing an old friend from Sisters on the Fly tonight. She and a couple of gals are coming out to see us at the campground and bringing Chinese food for dinner! I can’t wait to see them!

“Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.”
John 15:13 ESV

Red Skies and Apple Pies

Tue, 07 Sep 2021 01:30:00 -0600

The Centennial State isn’t called “Colorful Colorado” for nothing! The sunsets here are always something to see. And, with the unfortunate wildfires in the west, they are particularly red this visit. I awakened yesterday morning with a headache and could smell the smoke in the air. The skies are hazy. Not like our humidity hazy. Smoky hazy. Daughter #2 and her wife came over for a visit yesterday afternoon and were telling us how hard it’s been to keep up with the yard work this year. They both have asthma so they only work fifteen minutes at a time then take breaks to cool down and breathe indoor air for awhile. Ben and Sue haven’t been able to open their windows much since the fires started raging in the West. So, while the sunsets are beautiful, it’s for all the wrong reasons.

We ordered barbecue to be delivered for a late lunch. This is another thing I’m totally out of the loop on…GrubHub. Imagine, having an app on your phone where you can access the menu of any kind of restaurant you want, order any kind of food you want, and have it delivered to your door by a mask-wearing Millenial in a Subaru. I mean…where are we going to do such a thing living twenty miles out of town? People living in rural areas just shake their heads at some of these “modern conveniences”. Granted…the food was good. But my barbecue is better…and a darned sight cheaper, too.

Speaking of the costs of things, I keep telling Mr. FixIt…this is one of the major driving factors that sent me packing for West Virginia after becoming a widow. I was simply being priced out of the market here. We went out to Walgreens last night to pick up a couple of things and decided to stop at Wendy’s to get a couple large diet sodas. We love fountain drinks…they are so refreshing. I got up to the menu and placed my order…

“Two large Diet Cokes, please.”

“Is that all?”

“Yes it is, thank you.”

“That’ll be $6.02.”

“I’m sorry…what?!?!”

“$6.02.”

“How much are they each?”

“$2.76.”

“Ummmm…no, thank you. I’ve got drinks at home. Sorry!”

And I drove away. “Remember a couple weeks ago how I told you Mr. FixIt has ruined me? I simply could NOT pay $6.00 for two sodas. He was so proud!”

Gas is terribly expensive here because there was a bad fire in Colorado last year. As a result, there have been disastrous flash flooding with debris and mudslides in Glenwood Canyon. This cut off the main transportation route for gasoline coming from the refineries out west, doubling and tripling the delivery costs. And, when the charge goes up from the suppliers, eventually it’s felt at the pump. There were places in Northeastern Colorado where regular gas was $3.64 a gallon. That’s not politics. That’s supply and demand and ultimately, global warming.

Housing is astronomical! The prices have doubled and even tripled since I sold my house in 2014. It’s crazy and I don’t know how young people do it. I really don’t.

We’ve been enjoying a slice of pie in the evenings after the sun has gone down and the world has cooled off. That’s one good thing about this altitude. It may be 94 degrees on a September day, but the nights are delightfully cool making for wonderful sleeping weather. The next couple of days are actually supposed to be about ten degrees cooler during the day which will be most welcome.

I hope you enjoyed your Labor Day Weekend. It’s so hard to believe it’s here and gone already!

“We love because he first loved us.”
1 John 4:19 ESV

Putting Birdie Through Her Paces

Sat, 28 Aug 2021 01:30:00 -0600

Panicle Hydrangea at The Farm

We are going through our little a-frame camper with a fine toothed comb. We cleaned out the water system yesterday and discovered the hot water heater desperately needed a new anode. We rinsed out the fresh water tank and refilled it…adding a capful of bleach to sanitize it. While it sat for a while, we drove into town to one of the local camper supply places. They had exactly what we needed. After a quick stop at Walmart, we headed back home.

I opened the drain to the fresh water tank and we got things ready to install the new diode. There was quite a bit of calcification in the threads where the anode screws in, so I cleaned it out as best I could with a wire brush. Mr. FixIt found a socket that fit the end of the anode rod, so I got it screwed in nice and tight. When we tested it with water, there were no leaks! We filled the hot water heater with water and turned it on with propane. It worked exactly like it was supposed to. We waited about ten minutes and turned on the hot water faucet in the sink and….bingo! Perfect!

We turned off the hot water heater and started putting everything back together. The mechanicals are underneath one of the dinette benches. The dinette is broken down into a twin-sized bed so we had to take the mattress out to getting into it. Once everything was put back together, we cleaned up our tools and put them away. Now, the only thing left to test is the refrigerator on propane and the furnace. One wouldn’t think we’d be needing the furnace anytime soon with the heat wave we’ve been having. However, one thing I learned living in Colorado for forty years….winter can come early and with a vengeance. I clearly remember eight inches of snow on September 16th one year. I want to be prepared.

I need to strip the big bed and wash all the sheets and blankets today. I’ll bring in the black “camping trunk” we use for all our cooking and cleaning needs and go through it. I like it to be organized and I learn from each trip out what we can absolutely do without, thus streamlining our packing. This will be a first camping with the two of us in such a small space. If we don’t kill each other by Kansas, I’ll count that as a win!

Once we had all our tools and trash picked up and put away, we were so hot and tired. The only answer was to hop in the pool. We’ve used the pool a lot more this year than usual…probably because it’s been hotter than normal. And SO sticky humid. It is a treat, and well worth all the work involved, to have that respite at the end of the day.

We also need to mow today. With my hip still bothering me, we’ve decided to get the mowing done today instead of waiting till Sunday afternoon. Mr. FixIt bowls on Sunday night and doesn’t want to take any chances he’ll be sore. And I want to have as little to do as possible on Sunday so I can really rest and ice this hip all day. We’ll be packed up and ready to head out early Monday. This is the part that is hard for me. I’ve been known to leave for a trip one or two days early because I’m ready to GO! When I travel solo, I don’t have reservations ahead of time, but with the influx of new campers since covid hit, campsites along the busy interstate corridors are booked up in advance. That means, traveling on a schedule. Not my favorite, but then again…sleeping in a Walmart parking lot in the middle of Kansas without electricity during a massive heatwave is even less desirable. We do what we have to do for comfort and safety.

T-minute 2 days and counting!!!

“For nothing will be impossible with God.””
Luke 1:37 ESV

It’s the Dog Days of Summer

Fri, 13 Aug 2021 01:30:00 -0600

The Mystery Flower: Sun Star? Star of Bethlehem? Some kind of lily?

I am hoping against hope that yesterday was the hottest day of our summer here in West Virginia. When they tell you it’s not the heat, it’s the humidity…that’s pretty much true. The thermometer on the back of our house registered 103 at 4:00. Granted…that’s on a red brick wall on the west side of the house, but it’s under the eaves and out of direct sunlight. The humidity was only 63% but it felt like a sauna out there.

Mr. FixIt went to town to help a friend price some antiques before his yard sale this weekend, so I stayed home in the air conditioning and finished up the plans for our trip to Colorado. I found some really great places to camp and didn’t have a bit of trouble finding available campsites. That’s the beauty of camping in September and October…the kids are back in school and summer vacations are all but over.

As the sun began to slip toward the horizon, I went outside and took some pictures of this mystery plant that was here when I came onto the scene. Remember I told you it was all but dead in the basement and I emptied the two planters into a washtub along the fence? Well, they’ve gone crazy and now they’re blooming. The tallest blossom is as high as the fence! I ran a picture of it through a plant identification app on my phone (PictureThis) and it says it’s a Sun Star…otherwise known as a Star of Bethlehem. I’m not totally convinced, but it might be. Anyway, the flowers are beautiful. The plant is hardy. But, you do need to dig up the bulbs and store them in the basement over the winter.

I walked around the property as it got dark and suddenly, I started seeing movement out of the corner of my eye. I looked up and there were bats swooping down all around me and that kinda freaked me out a little so I headed back to the pool where Mr. FixIt was sweeping and cleaning. All this hot weather has really made the algae go nuts so we need to get after it with some chemicals today. He asked me to go turn off the pump so I could back flush it. Well, as soon as I tried to turn it off, the switch broke right off! I was reaching the end of my rope by this point. It was still in the 90’s, I was sweating buckets, I was being chased by bats, and now I’d broken the pump switch.

It was getting pretty dark. I went in and got the head lamp and Mr. FixIt handed me a flathead screwdriver. I unplugged the pump, got down on the ground and managed to flip the switch back to the on position. When we plugged it back in, it turned right on. By this time, we had a hose running in the pool to bring the water level back up. We have had no rain to speak of in weeks and between that and all the back flushing, we were running pretty low.

I sat down on the deck. I could feel the sweat running down my cheeks and made a decision…it was time to turn off the lights and go skinny dipping! There is nothing more wonderful than slipping into cool water when the world feels like an oven and it’s making you act just plain nasty. My dear friends Janine Pettit and Lesa McDermott just finished rafting the length of the Grand Canyon. It was 114 degrees every day. The nights got all the way down to 99 and they slept with wet towels over themselves to try to cool down. I cannot imagine that kind of heat. That was an incredible life experience…one they were both glad they did with twenty other Girl Campers. But, they neither one have a desire to do it again.

Anyway, the pool felt wonderful and it was like that candy bar commercial where the grumpy guy turns nice again once his sugar level comes back up. I could feel my shoulders relax and the tension leave my body. Mr. FixIt and I floated around and talked about the stars and the Colorado trip and the news of the day. We watched the heat lightning off in the distance. Soon we were friends again and laughing.

It’s important to feed each other in life. To look out for each other. To fight fair. To talk nice. When you fall short…you say “I’m sorry”. Marriage shouldn’t be “hard work”. Like all things, living and loving can challenge us. The challenge is loving and forgiving and trusting with a great big sense of humor. It’s easy to get grumpy when the weather is hot and sticky and things break. So, take my advice…turn off the lights, drop your drawers, and jump in the water!

Stay cool, dear ones!

“While the earth remains, seedtime and harvest, cold and heat, summer and winter, day and night, shall not cease.””
Genesis 8:22 ESV

Hugging My Baby

Tue, 13 Jul 2021 01:30:00 -0600

Forty-seven years ago, I gave birth to a little wisp of a child with hair like a golden halo and lungs like a Harrier jet. She may have been tiny at a skip over five pounds, but she could let her presence be known in five counties. Headstrong from the get go, she was affectionately called “The Cruise Director” at our house. Always ready to put on a show, she grew up and became a theater major. She and her new husband gave it their all and moved to New York but when it was time to make babies, they moved back home to Colorado.

Daughter #1 and Big came to pick Little up last evening. They had already been in seven states since they woke up at 6:30am, yet this determined daughter of mine insisted she was fine to drive a few more hours and get closer to home. Big needs to get some serious swim practice in before her traveling meet the last week of July. So, when I wrapped my arms around the woman who made me a mom, I held on for just a few seconds longer so I could feel her heart beat next to mine. Hugs went all around. Little gave me a squeeze and said she had a wonderful time. And…she had a big smile on her face when she pulled away with her mom and sister.

I would definitely call this visit a complete success!

I mowed the rest of the property yesterday. Mr. FixIt ran the push mower. I had an errand in town. Mr. FixIt has to go into town this morning. Thursday we’ll go out to mow at the farm. When the kids left and the house was so quiet, I asked my sweetheart to go out and walk the property with me. We explored the grounds, checking out new burrows and guessing whether they were groundhog or rabbit holes. We marveled at how dense the foliage is this year. It’s really overgrown. When the leaves die back in the fall, we need to get in there and chop some wild grape vines. It’s taking over.

We sat on the rocking chairs on the front porch feeling the quiet, empty space that Little filled. It’s funny how fast you accommodate to the noise and confusion when a teenager walks in and lights up your life. The quiet when they leave is deafening. But, as I held my daughter close for those few extra seconds, she whispered… “We’ll see you in just a few weeks.”

That, they will! Another joy to look forward to!!!

“For this reason I bow my knees before the Father,”
Ephesians 3:14 ESV

Saying Goodbye…Again!

Mon, 12 Jul 2021 01:30:00 -0600

Unless my daughter decides to spend the night and head out in the morning, the current plan is to come pick Little up and hit the road. They really want to get back to Colorado to get Big back on her training schedule. And I know they want to sleep in their own beds. They’ve been on the road for a month. We called Daughter #1 to wish her a happy birthday yesterday. Little told her she’d had an awful lot of fun here, but she was ready for her own bed. I totally get that.

Little and I both think two weeks is a perfect visit with Nana. It’s enough time to bond and do fun things, but not so long as to get bored or on each other’s nerves. We’ve decided she’s coming back next summer for a visit. Big will be graduating from high school next spring…and so is the youngest of my bonus grandchildren here in West Virginia. There may be some crossover there so Mr. FixIt and I may be celebrating separately. We’ll know more when the school calendar comes out.

We really didn’t do much yesterday. I mowed in the afternoon but didn’t get very far before a big thunderstorm came in. It rained off and on all afternoon and evening and we are expecting rain every day for the next four days. The grass will REALLY need mowed by the time it dries up enough.

I was sitting in the living room with Mr. FixIt in the early evening when a little spotty fawn came walking by the front door. Little happened to be in the kitchen so I got her attention in time for her to see it. I love that she’s seen so much wildlife here. We wrote a long list of all the special things she got to do while she was here. It’s been such a blessing having her here and the house will be awfully quiet without her.

We drove to town last night to have Chinese food for supper. We picked up our carry out order and took it to a nearby park to watch the fish rising in the little lake…looking for their supper. The mayflies hatched en masse over the 4th of July weekend so they’re probably having a smorgasbord. By the time we finished eating and headed home, we were happy little campers as we congratulated ourselves for a successful visit with our Little Bear! We’ll see her in September!

Please pray for travel mercies for my family.

“So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.”
1 Corinthians 13:13 ESV

Little Melts My Heart

Sun, 11 Jul 2021 01:30:00 -0600

Little Has Taken Archery Lessons Before

We took our time leaving the park yesterday. We said our long goodbyes to all the girlfriends who were camping with us. They all complimented Little saying how sweet, fun, and polite this little powerhouse of mine is. Makes a Nana proud of her 14-year-old Little Bear. We drove down to the Pioneer Village which was open from Noon to 3:00. I was excited to show Bear how they grind flour by water power. We picked up some things in the General Store. Little collects ladies fans and found a yellow one to match a new dress. We got a couple boxes of Cracker Jacks as a novel snack for later. I bought some grits, yellow and blue cornmeal, and two bags of buckwheat flour. We’ll have some tasty treats today.

Little and I laughed at the “Toasted Marshmallows”!

When we got home, Little helped us empty the truck and jumped in the shower without too much prompting. You remember how 14-years-olds are, right? I remember having to tell them to shower…with soap…AND water. Dry off. Hang up the towels. TOWELS…plural… because you know they’re going to use at least three…or more! One to stand on. One to wrap around their hair. And at least one to dry off with…maybe more. lol

Little Was Fascinated With the Blacksmith

As we drove home, Little sighed and said… “This has been so much fun, Nana. Can I come back again next summer?” Be still my heart. If she still wants to spend time with me at 15, I’ll take it! I’ll take any time with her. Being a Nana is the best of all worlds. You are a cross between a Fairy Godmother and a Super Hero to your grandkids. And, after their visit, you send them home to their mommy and daddy. But…oh…during that precious time with them, you can pour so much into their little hearts and minds that they will never, ever forget. I wish Big wasn’t “too big” to spend time with me. Maybe someday, when she realizes how finite life is, she may. In the meantime, I will savor every moment as the precious gift it is.

When You’ve Been Careful With Calories All Week…Ice Cream for Supper on a Summer Saturday in July!

We “camped” in TOW-Wanda again last night.

One more sleep…and she’ll be gone.

“Grandchildren are the crown of the aged...”
Proverbs 17:6 ESV

When You Have to Say “See Ya!”

Wed, 30 Jun 2021 01:30:00 -0600

Those five days went by WAY too fast. Oh, my…how I miss my girls. It was a really hard year anyway, then to not get to see my Colorado peeps on top of it made it seem worse. But we sure crammed a lot of fun into five days. Yesterday was a lot more low key. We hung around the house most of the day. My daughter did some laundry so they’d have clean clothes for the rest of their trip. I baked a Strawberry-Rhubarb Pie to have for dessert last night. When it was cooling, we headed to town.

Little needed sunglasses. I needed a flash drive…and some cortisone cream. Remember when I told you yesterday about the caterpillar that landed on my neck? Well, I did some more research and it was some variety of tussock moth caterpillar. Those little hairs stick in your skin and break off. They’re very irritating. I have a two inch circle of raised, itchy welts where the little rascal got caught between my collar and my neck. Oooooooh, it itches and stings. I’m putting cortisone cream on it as well as “After Bite”…something that knocks down the stinging for awhile. The poison control website says the irritation should only last a day or two so I’m hoping this settles down quickly.

We got home and I started a supper with Big in mind. There is more to being a vegetarian than eating salad, so I wanted her to have a yummy meal. We had corn-on-the-cob, half-runner beans, cucumbers and onions, sliced fresh tomatoes, spicy bean burgers, and homemade buttermilk biscuits with honey. What a glorious repast…and Big was a happy camper, especially after having a piece of pie!

Mr. FixIt got home just as I was putting things away so I fixed him up a plate. He is always so appreciative of my cooking which makes me happy to do it for him. After dinner, Little and I took our evening dip in the pool. Mr. FixIt came out and watered the garden then sat and talked with us for a while. And now, two of my sweet girls hit the road this morning to head off for another ten-day whirlwind tour of several colleges in the Northeast before they swing by to pick up Little and head home.

I cried when she got here…I’ll cry when she leaves. My first born. The one I grew up with. Strong, hardworking, still so pretty. I hugged her last night and thanked her so much for coming to see me. She’s not one to be overly emotional. She’s the child that you know loves you, but she doesn’t say it very often. She’s just not all that huggy-kissy like me. That’s ok. I know for a fact if I needed her, she would be here in a heartbeat. When Mr. Virgo was in the ER having a heart attack, I could hear her running down the hall to leave word to come be with me…five hours away. She’s a good kid….and I love her with every beat of my heart. I’ll get to see them all in September when we go to Colorado. I’ll get to see my brother. AND…I’ll spend some quality time with Daughter #2 and her wife! I cannot wait!!!

Where did June go???

“Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.”
Proverbs 22:6 ESV

Nana Wore Them Out!

Tue, 29 Jun 2021 01:30:00 -0600

Mr. FixIt and I took Little out to the field a couple days ago for the “Annual Blueberry Harvest”. It was a bumper crop this year for our one little blueberry bush. We didn’t get any last year. I think the year before we had maybe half a teacup. Each year the bush gets bigger and bigger and will soon outgrow the cage Mr. FixIt built over it to keep the birds out. There were still several on the bush that haven’t ripened so we are enjoying fresh blueberries…a few at a time to make them last.

Big and her mama got up at 5:30 yesterday to get to town to swim with the local team by 6:30. They came home and I soon had them rounded up to head out to the farm. This was their “goodbye” trip. The kids have only been there once that they remember. The farm has been a part of my daughter’s life since she was five months old and we returned from England where she was born. She’d never seen it empty…or nearly so. We went through every room and the basement. She told me she’d never been down there before. Grandma was afraid she might get hurt on something.

Big is allergic to clover, is no fan of dirt and bugs, and the thick vegetation makes my Colorado girls a bit claustrophobic. So, this isn’t the highlight of her trip. Little, on the other hand, loves the woods and how green it is. She says it looks like a fairy could pop out of the woods at any second and call us on a quest! The girls and I stood on the front porch and my daughter took our picture. That’s as close as we could get to a photo with them in front of the snowball bush. Mainly because the snowball bush is half dead and I haven’t trimmed it in some time. But also because, if you stood real still and listened, the yard was buzzing with honey bees on the white clover. I mentioned Big is allergic to clover, right? Poor kiddo…West Virginia is just not her favorite place.

When we were finished at the farm, we went to the cemetery where my family is buried. We didn’t stay long as it upsets Little. She has such a soft heart. The next stop on our little trip was at Berdine’s Five & Dime. They remembered being there before because there are lots of toys that you can’t find very often these days. We spent a good bit of time in there sorting through bins and letting Karen, the shopkeeper, tell us all about the toys and how the puzzles work.

With their bag in hand, off we went to get some picnic food at the Shop-n-Save. We had a blast in there. I had my hands full and turned to Big and said, “Honey, go over there and get us a buggy, will ya?” Apparently, when I turned back around, she mouthed to her mother, “What the heck is she talking about?” My daughter said, “That’s West Virginian for shopping cart.” She thought that was a hoot. But what really did her in was the tub of ham salad her mom showed her. Big’s eyes about popped out of her head. First, because she didn’t even know they made such a thing. Second, it was this bright pink pasty stuff that didn’t look at all appealing to her….because, third…she’s a vegetarian. That was enough to push her over the edge and she was really ready to leave all this quaint country stuff behind and get to a real city.

We made our selections and headed to the nearby state park. We stopped at an empty picnic table and had our lunch. All was going well till the hairy yellow caterpillar had the nerve to invade our space. I made the mistake of saying the caterpillar can “sting you”. We flicked it away, but it ended up on me. It doesn’t sting, but the little hairs can be really irritating to your skin and I can definitely feel where it was on my neck. Needless to say, that was the end of the picnic.

One of the things that flatlanders have a little trouble with here are the twisty turny roads. When we finally made it home, everybody laid down and took a nap. I wore them out. Plus, yesterday was Day 17 on this magnificent adventure of theirs. They have a lot more to do before they get to go home. Little and I ended the day with a swim in the pool and watched the sunset. It was a beautiful day and I loved every minute of it. One more day and two of them leave then Little stays on for another couple of weeks. This is a special time for us all.

“Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good.”
Romans 12:9 ESV

They’re HERE!!!

Sat, 26 Jun 2021 01:30:00 -0600

This was taken a long time ago…they’re 14 and 17 now!

OMGosh! Yesterday was crazy busy! When I went to town the other day, I totally forgot to take a water sample from the pool to check for the chemical levels. I really wanted to make sure everything was ok for the girls to swim, so I took a sample in yesterday. I have to say, I’ve never taken a sample in where they didn’t adjust something so I had to make a purchase. But yesterday, they checked the levels and said it was all good! So, one less thing to worry about.

A quick trip to Walmart to pick up some last minute things that I forgot on Thursday and I headed home. I still needed to change the sheets on our bed, dust and vacuum and put some things away. I also rethought the bed coverings in the kids room and ended up with an old chenille bedspread that I love. I felt it went better. And, I wanted the white coverlet on our bed for summer.

The kids got here about 5:30 and…I have to tell you…I cried as soon as I got a hold of them. I haven’t seen them in almost two years and they’ve grown so much. Also, I’ll bet it wasn’t 30 minutes and they were in the pool! Daughter #1 says that’s all they’ve been talking about for the last two months…they get to see Nana…and Nana has a pool! I guess a pool is big currency with teenagers! lol We grilled and chilled on the deck and visited and had a wonderful time.

I was so happy with the way the house looked and our hard work has paid off. But, the most important thing was getting hugs from my babes. Big is on two swim teams so she needs to get in the pool twice a day. We’re going to go out to the farm between swims today. I hope I don’t wake up and find this was all a dream!!!

This is one happy Nana!

“Love never ends….”
1 Corinthians 13:8 ESV

A Great Day for Working Outdoors!

Thu, 17 Jun 2021 01:30:00 -0600

Our son-in-law showing off a turn-of-the-century bathtub!

Yesterday was clear and bright and sunny. While it was hot in the direct sun, there was a lovely breeze and the temperature stayed comfortably in the mid 70’s. Our WV son-in-law came and helped Mr. FixIt with some long overdue work around the house. Land’s sake…they pushed and pushed and I couldn’t believe how nice it all looked when it was done.

They moved two of the campers and mowed under them. They ran the weed eater all around the yard. Our son-in-law climbed the old TV antenna and tore out the vines and cut off the very top part. They need more muscle to take the whole thing down. They went down to the creek and dug out the last few feet of the ditch that filled in with mud and debris from the flash flood earlier this week. They took the disk grinder and cut the old rusty swing set apart and got it out of there. Then they shoveled up and hauled about ten bags of sand and moved it to fill low spots in the yard.

My bonus daughter got in the pool and swept it really well. I cut up, blanched, and dehydrated a big bag of Vidalia onions, made an apple pie, grilled hot dogs for lunch and cleaned the kitchen. The house and yard are looking so nice. I still have to finish the guest bedroom. I’ve ordered fresh linens for the beds for the girls so they’ll be really comfortable while they’re here.

I love when we have the opportunity to sit around the table and talk about things. Yesterday’s topic was timely…anxiety and faith. We all have a certain level of anxiety or worry or fear. Or, more accurately…we are humans, so we are certainly prone to that. That’s why God tells us over and over and over to not be afraid…to trust in him to be there with us through our trials…to hand over the hard stuff and let him carry it. I love when you can quote scripture to back up your point. That conversation was validation as to how God works in our lives when we ask Him in.

The other day, I was feeling worried and anxious about something that hadn’t even happened yet, and likely wouldn’t happen in the way I feared. I took the advice of the author of a devotional I was reading at the time. “Stop. Just stop right now and walk away to a quiet place and talk to God.” That’s what I did. I went out to TOW-Wanda, turned on the AC, stretched out on the bed and tucked my favorite fuzzy blanket up under my chin.

Now…what was it she said to do? Ah, yes…praise God for everything He does for me. I started with that favorite blanket.

“Thank you, God…for this comforting blanket.”

“Thank you, God…for this soft pillow to rest my head.”

“Thank you, God…for this safe space I can retreat to when I need to be alone with You.”

“Thank you, God…for the soft breeze blowing and rocking the camper so gently.”

“Thank you, God…for this wonderful husband you’ve brought me to partner my life with.”

On and on…and after every “Thank you, God…” my anxiety and worry retreated farther and farther from me. And yesterday…I got to start that testimony with the kids and reinforce their faith…as well as my own. God doesn’t want us to live in a state of perpetual fear and stress. And these are certainly stressful times. God did not give us a spirit of fear, so if you are experiencing fear, worry, and anxiety…it is not coming from God. I cannot tell you how many times I have spoken aloud and told the enemy to get away from me…he has no dominion here. God knows our every thought. The enemy would like you to think he does, too…but he doesn’t. He cannot read your mind. So you have to speak aloud to him to make him go away. It’s really as easy as that.

So, it was a good day…all the way around. More things accomplished. More jobs completed. More stories told. There is nothing more beautiful than family and faith.

And…apple pie!

“For this reason I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you through the laying on of my hands, for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.”
2 Timothy 1:6-7 ESV

Another Trip Around the Sun

Sun, 13 Jun 2021 01:30:00 -0600

Mr. FixIt has been asking me for a month what I want for my birthday. I told him my needs are few. I really wanted the outdoor movie theater for family gatherings. And I ordered that new food dehydrator. I’m sixty-eight years old. What on earth could I need? Clothes? I don’t think so. The pandemic has taught me I don’t need to dress up and go out to restaurants. We live in West Virginia. I live in comfort central.

I don’t need jewelry. I don’t need anything fancy. Flowers, maybe. Not cut flowers...but maybe some red geraniums to put in the pots along the fence. That might be nice. Mr. FixIt bought me a chocolate cake for my birthday. Chocolate cake is always good! My real birthday presents left Colorado yesterday and will be pulling in my driveway on June 25th! They have stops to make between there and here.

I had a blast with my high school friends yesterday. Fifty years it’s been since we graduated. I looked around the circle of faces and smiled. Many of us didn’t really know each other till we hooked up on Facebook. When I first moved back to West Virginia in 2014, I asked one of my friends here how often the gals meet for coffee. I was met with a black stare. It’s just not something they did. They were busy working and raising families. Well, I changed that in a hurry. And now we have our own Facebook group and...aside from the pandemic year...we have been getting together at least once a month and we all look forward to it.

After running a few errands, I came home and finished mowing. Mr. FixIt was mudding the drywall in the master bath, then he came out and ran the weed eater. It was hotter than blue blazes and he had to sit down on the steps of my old camper in the shade to cool off. I brought him a cool drink on a drive by on the mower. I mow under an umbrella shade on my mower and drink electrolytes while I work.

A cool shower and supper and we were done! As I went out to the camper last night to write, Mr. FixIt said, “We’ll take tomorrow off.” Then he immediately started listing things he really needed to do. lol It’s my birthday! I have chocolate cake and hamburger from Dick’s Market to grill. We have a pool to swim in. Maybe we’ll go for a drive. It’s supposed to rain. God provides me with all that I need...including a garden. What more could I want?

“Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.”
James 1:17 ESV

#Birthday, #Gifts, #Present

A Comforting Routine

Sat, 12 Jun 2021 01:30:00 -0600

Not ours...just an idea of what I want to create.

Mr. FixIt and I have reached a lovely place in our relationship where we know what needs to be done around the place and, without really coordinating our efforts, we just start the next job at hand. I enjoy doing all the typically “male” jobs like riding the tractors to mow, trimming tree branches with the pole saw, or running the drain snake. I can tackle and accomplish just about anything I set my mind to, although...I do have to admit...it is getting just a little more challenging to do some things.

For instance, I was mowing yesterday afternoon...trying to get as much done as I could before the next rain storm blew in. Down at the end of the far field, there are several old sycamore trees that have a tendency to lose some branches when we have hard winds. I have to stop the mower frequently to get off and move limbs before I can move on. Up and down, up and down. Finally, at the end of the afternoon and my umpteenth up and down, I discovered my right leg would simply not lift me up anymore. It had had enough, I reckon. Not to be discouraged, I just went around to the other side of the tractor and lifted myself up and over with my left leg. You just have to make do with what you got sometimes, don’t you?

I didn’t get the fields mowed before it started raining hard enough to send me back to park the tractor in the building. I put my tools away and went to find Mr. FixIt. He had been around the side of the house trimming the last of that monster forsythia bush and loaded the trimmings up in the back of his truck. He was just backing up to the burn pile when I came out of the building. We congratulated each other for a good afternoon’s work and went inside to wash up for supper.

I love summer meals when you can just make sandwiches and call it good. No heating up the kitchen or doing a ton of dishes afterwards. Finishing off with some cold watermelon really hit the spot. It has been so hot and sticky the last couple of days. We enjoyed stretching out in the cool air conditioning and watched a couple old reruns of Frazier before we finished our last push for the day. Mr. FixIt went out to empty the branches from his pickup. I cleaned up the kitchen and opened some boxes that were delivered yesterday.

I splurged and bought a couple of things I’ve been wanting. First, the food dehydrator I used last year has just about had it. The plastic trays have become so brittle, more and more pieces fall off every time I use it. So, after doing some research, and getting recommendations from friends, I ordered a COSORI Food Dehydrator. The trays are metal so I won’t have the breakage problem over time. And, the heat and fan are in the back so the air flows across the food and not up through it. That keeps you from having to rotate the trays as often. My friend Gail uses hers every day in the summer and swears by it.

The other thing I got is actually a gift for the family. I’ve been wanting an outdoor movie projector and screen so we can have movie and pool nights here at the house this summer. Last year, we didn’t let the kids come out to swim. We didn’t know if Covid could spread in a pool and Mr. FixIt needed it to do his daily physical therapy exercises. And, of course, there wasn’t a vaccine then. This year will be different. Just about all of the family have been vaccinated and those that haven’t been are good about social distancing. Here’s a link that shows 20 ideas for outdoor movie nights!

I also ordered a few poster sized family tree charts so I could fill them out for the kids before they get here. That was my last chore of the day...filling out three of them. I have a couple more to do. The rains are moving out for a bit so we’ll be back to doing outdoor chores soon. The mowing never stops. I’m going to take a break this morning and join some gals from my high school class for coffee. We haven’t gathered since January 2020 so we are all really excited to see each other!

I hope you all are getting a chance to get outside and stretch your legs. We are knee deep in June, as my grandma used to say, and it truly is my favorite time of the year!

“Do all things without grumbling or disputing, that you may be blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world,”
Philippians 2:14-15 ESV

The Sunday Drive

Mon, 07 Jun 2021 01:30:00 -0600

I grew up with a family that took Sunday drives. Most often, it was out to see Grandma and PopPop at the farm. But, sometimes we’d go visiting someone else or maybe pack a lunch and have a picnic at one of the many “Roadside Parks” that used to dot the two-lanes around the countryside. Sunday was when you went to church, and then you went for a visit or a drive...or both. When you were really lucky, you got a nap, too!

Hubby #1 was a West Virginia boy...born and bred. We went for Sunday drives all the time...even when we lived in England. Hubby #2 was a Colorado boy and using up precious natural resources driving around with no purpose was beyond reprehensible. Mr. Virgo LOVED going for drives, but they were seldom on Sunday’s because of his work schedule. And now, Mr. FixIt...another dyed in the wool Mountaineer...is up for a drive any day of the week.

We hooked up the utility trailer midday and loaded up the mowers to head to the farm. It was 86 degrees by the time we were done. I think we hit a speed record for mowing and getting out of there. When we got home, We vacuumed the pool and put chemicals in. Then, it was time to go for a Sunday drive. We decided to go into town for carry out, then head to City Park to dine al fresco. It was downright pleasant with a breeze in the shade of the many huge trees.

When we were done, we stopped for gas then I asked...”Where to now?” First we went to visit one of the grandkids but they weren’t home. We decided to go out the road at the top of the hill not far from our house to check on the growth of the tomatoes in the high tunnels. They’re doing great...a good four feet high already. Then, when we were almost home, Mr. FixIt wanted to drive out another road to see if these people had finished building their house.

When we headed toward home, we came to a fork in the road.

“In all the years I’ve lived here, I have never been out this road.” He pointed straight ahead so that’s where we went. Another single track road with nowhere to pull off. We drove along and saw old farm houses and lush fields of hay. We hoped someone was going to mow it. There were many, many people cutting and bailing their hay this week. We finally came to a dead end and turned around. As we came to a small creek bed cutting through bedrock, I caught the familiar song of the Wood Thrush. I stopped and turned off the car and listened. There were other birds, but the Wood Thrush is what I identify most readily. It is the song of The Farm. For as long as I’ve lived, I’ve heard their sweet calls echoing through the holler up behind Grandma’s house. I do not hear them here at the house, but just a few miles away, in the dense lush West Virginia woods...there they were. I recorded them for a bit, then I just sat back and listened. What a treat!

The Song of the Wood Thrush

On our way home, we passed a beautiful field with the sun setting behind it. We found a big old houseboat looking decidedly out of place with the tall grasses growing up around it. It must have been a beauty in its day. Then, the last shot of the day was some beautiful white-faced calves laying in a field while their mamas grazed nearby. One little bull calf stood and watched his mama as if to find out if he should be worried about us. My Uncle Howard always raised white-faced cattle simply because he loved to look out his window at breakfast and see them in his field. I can see why. They are lovely creatures.

That was a wrap on the weekend. Sleeping in the camper was absolutely heavenly! I slept like a rock! Many things to accomplish this week as time is ticking away and the girls will be here before I know it!!!

“How good and pleasant it is when God’s people live together in unity!”
Psalms 133:1 NIV

3,000 Days

Fri, 28 May 2021 01:30:00 -0600

Grandma’s Peonies

While Mr. FixIt busied himself fixing the door into our pole building, I headed to the farm to bring some more stuff home. I have to admit...I stretched out on Grandma’s bed for a half hour before I packed up the truck. Soaking up the atmosphere. It feels good. I really don’t have a whole lot left out there...but I don’t pack the truck too full with each load. It gives me more trips to the farm! I canceled the Dish Network account out at the farm this morning...thus ending a 23 year run with them. It will be interesting to find out how long that phone number has been in the family!

Wisteria

I had a little walkabout and photographed Grandma’s flowers. I think her peonies are the prettiest I’ve ever seen. The irises are lovely, and since irises need to be thinned on occasion, I’m going to bring just a few over to the Ponderosa and make a special flower bed out near my new mini-campground we’re putting in. I also have a she-shed in my future that I want to build out there as part of my little compound for gathering my girlfriends and campout. I have it pictured in my mind. Now I just need to gather old doors and wood to build it with! I have so many projects I want to complete here at the Ponderosa. I do believe, once it’s complete, it shall be renamed...what? Marshmallow Ranch, of course!

Clematis and Carolina Spice Bush

I got the nicest note from Frank and Beans on Wednesday night. They were on their way down to WV to work on their cabin, so when I was finished loading what I wanted to bring home yesterday, I headed up to see what’s going on. They have one of those driveways that are very common in these West Virginia hills...straight up! Well, not really...but it sure seemed that way. I jumped out of the truck to greet my newest friends and look at their place. It’s beautiful up there and they have a view that looks right out over the treetops. It reminds me of pictures taken above the canopy of a rainforest...but without the monkeys!

Iris, foreground...Rhododendron, background

When they had their driveway graded, the folks doing the work found a huge rock in the shape of a heart. It has special meaning to Frank, so I brought them another heart shaped rock I brought home from Colorado and gave it to them as a housewarming gift. I couldn’t stay long, but we vowed to stay in touch, and they reiterated I am welcome to stay at the farm anytime. Just sitting on the porch during a rainstorm will be a huge treat, let alone getting to stay for a day or two.

Iris

I stopped at the store on the way home and fixed a quick supper. We have been dining on the deck every night under the pergola. We’ve only stayed out long enough to turn the market lights on a couple of times because we’ve been so busy with projects. But I envision more late nights out there as we catch up a little. Especially when the kids are here. I’m looking forward to doing more entertaining, as well.

Iris

It’s supposed to rain today and the weather will turn quite cool over the next few days. The nights will be especially cool...good sleeping weather. I have discovered something very interesting. Now that I write in the spare bedroom, I am sleeping much more soundly when I get up and go to our room. Something about separating “work” from home has really improved my sleep hygiene. I sure wish TOW-Wanda was here and fixed already...I’d really enjoy sleeping out there on these cool nights. That’s what I get for procrastinating getting her to the RV Doctor!

Multiflora Rose

Oh, and another thing...just as a matter of course. Today marks 3,000 days since Mr. Virgo died. I never could have dreamed of this life...of experiencing joy and happiness and deep love again. I couldn’t picture myself surviving that loss, let alone coming out the other side with a beautiful and fulfilling life. I just thought I would share that with you so that...if you are bereaved...there is hope for a good life down the road. I know it’s such a hard, hard journey...but a good life is worth working for.

“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.”
Jeremiah 29:11 ESV

On Mr. FixIt Time

Sat, 22 May 2021 01:30:00 -0600

When you’re retired, things aren’t quite as scheduled as they are when you have limited time to get projects completed. This can be a good thing if you normally stress out about things that you envision need to be finished in a certain period of time. However, once you hit retirement, things may not be done in a timely fashion. I have discovered there are two time configurations in our house...my time, and “Mr. FixIt Time”. Now, do not get me wrong, when this man gets a job done, it is as good or better than any professional you’d have to pay the big bucks to. But...it may take a little longer than you particularly care for.

We bought this pergola three years ago at the end of the season. We got it half price. I was sure we would be packed up and moved and living on our property near town by then, so I asked him to just put it in the building and we’d put it up at the new house. The new house got pushed back then one day I looked out and the pergola was being erected on the deck. And, I liked it! We went out and bought commercial grade market lights at the end of the season...half off. I wanted to put them up right away, but Mr. FixIt wanted to run electric out to the deck and have a nice GFI outlet to plug them in so we wouldn’t have to run an extension cord. Smart man!

Then he had his strokes last spring. Between that and the pandemic, that was the end of the home projects for pretty much an entire year. Now, I’m happy to report, other than the usual aches and pains of arthritis, my sweet man is back in action and he’s been blazing through these jobs...one after another. Our son-in-law came and helped him dig a trench to run the electric line through a conduit out from the building to the deck. Once they were finished, my step-daughter and I hung the market lights and I just love the way they turned out. If I’d have had more energy, I would have cleaned the table and dressed it better, but I did good to take the pizza box off and put the chairs in. It was a long day.

I didn’t get nearly as much done indoors as I wanted but I made progress on two rooms. I’ve been going through papers that need to either be burned or shredded. I sent the kids home with some things I thought they might like. The doctor called and my brother was discharged and heading back to the mountains. He was feeling a lot better and very anxious to get home.

It was a busy and productive day and I am incredibly grateful to have this wonderful partner to share my life with and to work beside. Even if he doesn’t work on MY time schedule!

“But do everything properly and in order.”
1 Corinthians 14:40 CEV

He’s Got the Little Things, Too

Sun, 16 May 2021 01:30:00 -0600

I’ve gotten a lot better about handing things over to God as I age. I just get tired and lose patience and turn it over later than I should. I told you about giving Him the taxes to handle. The rest of the story happened yesterday.

When I went to bed Thursday night, I told God I was just going to leave this folder on His desk and I’d look for his report in the morning. Well, when I got up yesterday, I went into the office and sat down. After going through that whole rigamarole over the printer and printing everything out, I still wasn’t comfortable sending it in that way. Mainly because I would have to send all those 1099’s and such, and I just wanted to keep it simple. I wanted to e-file.

I found the AGI. I even made an account on the IRS website to look at my past tax transcripts to make double sure. My main problem was, I couldn’t for the life of me remember what PIN I used last year and that was key. So that’s what I left God to work out for me while I slept. When I sat down at my desk...I kid you not...those two PINs popped in my head as clear as if I’d made them up on the spot. Now, I can’t tell you if I’ve eaten at a certain restaurant, every if I’ve been there five times in the last five years. Between grief, PTSD, the COVID year, a closed head injury from my truck accident, and my parathyroid issues...my memory is pretty bad. But God helped me remember! I put the items in their proper places and hit send. Within an hour or so, I received texts that our returns had been accepted! What a blessed relief. I may have to keep doing my taxes so I have more stories to tell...blog fodder, you know! lol

I emptied the load I brought back from the farm and put it downstairs. I left Mr. FixIt mowing and I headed out to the farm. When I got here, I could feel the changes in my bones. Not melancholy, exactly. But...I’ve been thinking a lot about this as “my last stay at my grandma’s house”. I’d be lying if I said it doesn’t hurt. I fixed a quick meal and came in and stretched out on Grandma’s bed. As I lay there, I felt the wind brush across me from the open window. I listened to the birds as they flitted through the bushes lining the creek. I got drowsy and just drifted off when there was a loud knock on the front door.

I seldom get company here, and family would come to the back door. I got up and peeked out through the curtain. There was a man on the porch.

“Hello?” I said through the closed door.

“We’re your neighbors!” The man smiled warmly and his wife said hello.

I opened the door and met the lovely couple who bought the place where my grandma got my jelly cupboard at an auction when I was around three years old. They had been on a four-wheeler ride around the back side of the farm and wanted to know if that was the property line. I got my iPad out and looked at the satellite imagery on Google maps. They showed me where they are building a cabin. I showed them where the old home place was. We talked about some of the history of the people who had lived here before me. We laughed at the rack you can’t throw a rock up this way without hitting someone we’re related to. They were delightful and we had the best conversation.

When they left, I crawled back under the covers and ended up falling asleep. When I woke up, I went looking for Charlotte...my 2nd cousin’s wife. I thought she might be at the barn, but she was at their son’s place, enjoying a cookout. I turned around and went back. There’s a steep drive and when you get to the bottom, it goes right in the creek. I stopped and looked at the water. It didn’t think it was too deep but I wasn’t sure. Then I heard Charlotte yell, “Come on down. You just drive right through that!” So, that’s what I did...holding my breath.

We had a lovely visit and just before dark, I moseyed back up to Grandma’s. There’s more to the story of today’s events, but that’s to be left for another day. This day was good enough on its own merit. It just goes to show, you can ask for God’s help with anything...large or small. He wants to be involved in every little part of your life. And by golly...thanks to Him, those taxes are done for another year!

“give, and it will be given to you. Good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be put into your lap. For with the measure you use it will be measured back to you.””
Luke 6:38 ESV

Today’s Good Mood Brought to You by...God’s Paintbrush!

Fri, 23 Apr 2021 01:30:00 -0600

The worst day at the beach beats the best day at the office. It’s been a long time since I’ve worked in the confines of four walls and a desk, but I have vivid memories. Yesterday’s chilly temps didn’t take away our enjoyment of the Outer Banks. Although it was a tad too nippy for me to go the beach, we did venture out for dinner and another glorious OBX sunset. I spent the majority of the day knitting and listening to a roaring campfire on my headset...hoping to thaw out my frosty toes. It didn’t help. I finally gave in and turned on the furnace. At the beach! That’s just wrong!

As Mr. FixIt and I drove to the restaurant for carryout last night, I asked if he’d had a good week. He remarked that he really had...it was very relaxing. I really love having people join us at the beach. Our condo is actually a double unit with a one bedroom on one side and an efficiency apartment on the other. We have had my son-in-law’s parents one year, and my stepson and family another. Both trips were great fun and full of sightseeing and long days on the beach. We both needed a lower key trip this year. With so much going on in our lives, it felt really nice to just kinda kick back, stretch out and take a nap every day, and knit. I hardly cooked. I made a hearty breakfast yesterday morning, but most of our meals have been takeout picnics.

Knitting: Sock Yarns, Shawl Pattern, Shawl Yarns

There’s something to be said for that. We didn’t haul a lot of food down. Honestly, we didn’t bring half of what we usually drag down here. The only thing I would have done differently was bring a heavier coat and my favorite chairs. Mr. FixIt likes the folding ones with the table simply because they are lighter and easy to carry. I, however, love my padded club chairs and I promised if we bring them next time, I’ll be in charge of toting them everywhere. The furniture in our condo has seen it’s better days and really isn’t very comfortable. The only comfy place I sat the whole week was when we drove places. Next year...we go for comfort!

One more day. Why does vacation take so long to get here and so quick to be over?

“From the rising of the sun to its setting, the name of the Lord is to be praised!”
Psalm 113:3 ESV

In Search of the Silver Linings

Sun, 11 Apr 2021 01:30:00 -0600

The Farm

Yesterday we talked about letting the farm go and the inevitability of change in our lives. I read the lovely comments and encouraging words you left me on my post and it gave me much to think about throughout the day. When life hands me lemons, I start looking for all the different ways to use them. There are so many ways to make a lemon sweet and more palatable.

When I took over the farm in 2016, I also took over the utilities. When I no longer have that to deal with, I’ll have at least an extra couple hundred dollars in my bank account. That’s a good amount of camping I could be doing. Also, we won’t be responsible for the mowing and that will give us a lot more time and less pressing need to always be here.

You know, normally I never would have had the opportunity to spend more than a week or two at the farm when I came home for vacations every year. After Mr. Virgo passed and I came back to West Virginia to help my elderly aunt, I had a taste of life in the country. It only lasted ten weeks that go round, but it was enough to let me know it was the life for me.

When I returned to West Virginia in the summer of 2016, I was presented with an opportunity I couldn’t pass up. My uncle was taking my aunt to go live with him and he needed someone to live at the farm and take care of it. He asked if I could come off the road and stay there for him. I didn’t have to think twice.

Having all this time to live in my grandparents’ house was such a gift from God. I did a lot of healing there. Not only from the wounds of losing my husband, but of losing so much of myself over the years. It brought me back to my simpler roots. I remember, as a doctor’s wife...talking to one of my lifelong friends. Apparently I needed to be brought down a peg or two because she reminded me, in no uncertain terms, that she and I had the same roots in the red clay of Appalachia and it would do me well to remember that.

I’ve never forgotten that conversation. Living a simple farm life after downsizing humbled me in a way nothing else has. As I read stories on Facebook yesterday, I was reminded of the most basic point. I am letting go of a house. I have friends letting go of their children, of their marriages, of their livelihoods. I have friends who are in life and death struggles with health concerns. I am letting go of a HOUSE. I’m not planning a funeral, yet I will grieve. I am not burying a loved one, yet I am bereaved.

It isn’t lost on me the way God is helping me through this. Daughter #1 and her girls will be here the week before we have to vacate the farm. We are planning a gathering of family to say goodbye to the old girl...and to the long line of loved ones who called her home and are no longer with us. Little is staying with us while my daughter takes Big to go see colleges. You see? I get to not only share the farm with Little, but I get to share my heart and the stories of her ancestors and instill a love and appreciation for what came before her. She and I have never been together....here. It’s extraordinary how well orchestrated this is. God is so good!

It is a natural process in life to grieve the things we lose that bring us such love. And, just as I have learned to keep Mr. Virgo’s memory alive within me, the same will be true of the farm. I will remember the sights, sounds, smells, and every little feeling that creaky old house gives me till the day I part this earthly plane. When I hear rain on the roof of a camper, I’ll be transported back in time to a little red house in the woods. When I lay my head on a pillow where I can hear the rushing sounds of water in a creek, I will close my eyes and remember.

When I hug those I love, I give away bits of the love my family poured into me. That love comes from an endless source...a fount of remembrances of love and joy and faith. I carry the farm within me. I AM THE FARM and THE FARM IS ME.

We are one and we are love...simply because, we were loved. By the family and by the land upon which we stood. For we are but sojourners here.

““The land shall not be sold in perpetuity, for the land is mine. For you are strangers and sojourners with me.”
Leviticus 25:23 ESV

Day 361: A Room With a View...and an Omission

Sat, 13 Mar 2021 02:30:00 -0600

We both slept pretty well the night of surgery so we awoke yesterday morning refreshed. I felt much stronger, but I had no voice. This often happens after being intubated. We managed to get up in time to catch the morning breakfast in the Starbucks in the hotel lobby. Hot oatmeal really soothed my throat. And I have to say...a cold brew coffee didn’t cause my stomach to revolt like it did before surgery so let’s hope I can drink coffee again! I love it so.

There was no one in the dining area and we were quite a ways from the front lobby. We sat down at a table in the window and, with great trepidation...removed our masks to eat. It felt...weird. We didn’t have a hallelujah moment, because we understand science and we know we are in an area with lots of mutant virus and mask-shunning individuals. I must say, everywhere we’ve gone, people have worn masks. Until, Walmart. We’ll get to that.

We didn’t dilly-dally around maskless. We finished eating and headed up to the room to pack for the move to the next hotel. I have to give kudos to the Courtyard Tampa Downtown for the first half of our stay. They work closely with the Norman Parathyroid Center in housing their patients before and after surgery and they couldn’t have been more accommodating. When I checked out, the front desk asked how my surgery went and was very sweet. Anything we needed when we were there, it was quickly brought to us. They were so professional and attentive and the rooms were impeccable.

Our trip to the new hotel was about 45 minutes. The weather in Florida right now is absolutely amazing! Just hot enough to warm your bones but not so much as to fry your brains. The app for the hotel has an interesting new covid creation built in. You can check in through the app on your phone and when your room is ready, a digital key turns green. You just walk up to the door with your phone in your hand and click “unlock” and the door...unlocks! Same with your room. This is really handy to minimize your contact with people in a pandemic.

I love our room! We have a suite with a separate bedroom so I can take quiet naps and close the door when I write. No more trying to block out the sound of the television while I’m trying to concentrate. We have a small kitchen and the furniture in the living room is perfectly comfortable. We did our routine sanitation process upon arrival, but when I tried to put the fitted sheet back on the bed, it was one of those that doesn’t have a deep pocket. I knew if I had trouble even getting the sheet on, that we would be fighting to keep it on for the next five nights. We decided, since we needed to pick up some groceries, we would just buy a set of sheets that we know would fit. We can always use them on the bed at the condo so it’s not a waste.

Now, Walmart. This was the first place we went to down here that was an indication of how people really feel about mask wearing. Since we are in a hodgepodge of people from all over the country, we were well aware of our surroundings. Mr. FixIt started to say something to those who didn’t have on masks, but I gently reminded him where we are and that I really don’t want to get killed this close to having surgery. We wore double masks and just steered clear of the unmasked folks and got the heck out of there as fast as we could. We came home and put the groceries away and both stretched out for a much needed rest.

I can’t believe how wiped out you feel after surgery. They say the third day is the worst, and that’s what I’ve usually found to be true. We’ll wait till Monday to explore the beaches and let the weekend crowd thin out. Although, we are into spring break now, so who knows. We have a pool here, but I am not sure it’s outside. We’ll play it by ear. It’s nice to not have a distinct plan in place.

And now, for the omission. Yesterday marked eight years since Mr. Virgo died. I’ve been so busy with the trip arrangements and the surgery, that I hadn’t really given it a lot of thought. My dear friend Deneene texted me first thing yesterday morning to tell me she was thinking of me. My first thought was my surgery. Then she asked if it was Mr. Virgo’s Angelversary. It’s not that I forgot. I certainly didn’t. I’ve thought of it a number of times in the last couple of weeks. As a matter of fact, when they offered me the 11th for my surgery, I thought it couldn’t be more fitting. A year since the start of the covid crisis. And eight years since Mr. Virgo’s death. Having this surgery is an offer of hope for a healthier, pain free life. Why not have it done during a time that would normally be remembered with solemn sadness? Why not bring an element of hope into the darkness. We have vaccines. We have healing. We have hope for a better tomorrow.

This is what eight years of grief and healing have taught me.

Life is uncertain...and way too short.

In the midst of the worst crisis of our lives, we still have a choice...and choices bring power.

Time softens the memories of acute grief. It gives us space from the horrific anguish.

You never get over an epic loss...but, you do get through it. You learn to walk around that hole in your heart without falling in every time.

I’ve learned it’s ok to be happy again and to find a life again and to love again without forgetting the person you still love who isn’t here.

There is room in a new marriage for the memories of those you love and have loved before, but it takes a strong man to marry a widow...a confident man who knows his place in your heart and isn’t threatened by ghosts.

I am so blessed to have found such a man in Mr. FixIt. He is my rock and my roll.

“Most important of all, you must sincerely love each other, because love wipes away many sins.”
1 Peter 4:8 CEV

Day 346: Sunshine is Good Medicine!

Thu, 25 Feb 2021 02:30:00 -0600

We had an important appointment yesterday...one we’ve been putting off for too long. Time to make our wills. Not everyone dies with a will, but in my experience, if you really love your spouse you make a will. I didn’t realize how stressful this simple exercise would be for me. When you talk about wills, you are really talking about death. And I didn’t adequately prepare myself for all the feels that would well up surrounding that.

Frankly, it made me upset. It didn’t occur to me that it would...but there it was. And when I get upset like that, it’s right in the pit of my stomach and makes me sick. It always has, so I don’t know why I’m surprised when it happened yet again. But there’s a level of shame in there....like, I should be stronger than this.

Yesterday was warmer than it has been since last fall...clear up to 72! I was wandering around the house, preparing to go and willing myself to calm down and not let my nerves get the best of me. Mr. FixIt finally said, “What’s going on, honey? You ok?” He could tell...he knows me so well. I almost cried. I told him I was just freaking out a little and to give me some time.

I went back to the bedroom and sat on the edge of the bed and breathed slowly. I took something to settle my stomach. Then I had a brilliant idea...maybe we could have the appointment over the phone. I called the attorney’s office and they said that was absolutely doable...they would call me back in half an hour.

When they called, I was settled in my big red chair and Mr. FixIt in his. And in the comfort of our home, we loved each other through what was surprisingly difficult for me. I am so blessed I have a loving and supportive husband who really “gets” me. It didn’t matter one bit to him whether we had the appointment at home or in the attorney’s office or even if we rescheduled. His primary goal was my comfort doing something he knew upset me. I love him so much for all these little things.

The sun was gorgeous and the air was warm with the early breath of spring. I sat out on the steps of the deck and turned my face to the sun and let its warmth creep into my bones. Mr. FixIt went out to change the oil in my truck, and I curled up under a blanket and took a nap. When I got up, all was right in the world again. I am so grateful I am past the age when I beat myself up for not being “perfect”. I am what and who I am and so is my husband. This is why we are such a good team...it may not have worked between us when we were young and dumb. This way, I think we got the best version of each other.

“I can do all things through him who strengthens me.”
Philippians 4:13 ESV

Day 335: When Time Crawls...or Is It Valentine’s Day Already???

Sun, 14 Feb 2021 02:30:00 -0600

February is the longest month....EV-ER!!!! I swear...we’re only in the middle of it and it’s been six months long already. I don’t feel like I’ve accomplished much. But I’ve been working on my genealogy, knitting a little, keeping up with friends and family. Big had her second swim meet of the year and I got to see that remotely. Daughter #2 called with a video chat. Mundane stuff...a little boring, a lot repetitive.

Today is Valentine’s Day. Normally, Mr. FixIt would have walked in with a bouquet of flowers and a card. But, between covid and snowy roads, he hasn’t been anywhere that sells them. He did bring me a pumpkins roll, so I’m counting that. Our trip to the beach will have to be our Valentine to each other this year.

I’m thinking of my friends who are new widows this Valentine’s Day. I opened Facebook yesterday and the roses and little heart shaped cake Mr. Virgo surprised me with nine years ago was my first “Memory” that popped up. Those things used to kill me. Interestingly, as I was working on my genealogy this week, a little green leaf popped up on Mr. Virgo’s listing. That’s unusual because I don’t know of anyone on his side that’s working him up. I clicked on the little leaf.

I was stunned. There was his high school graduation picture. I only knew him with a head full of silver hair. Here was this handsome young man in a white dinner jacket...his hair neatly combed in the style he always wore. I could see the same fastidious grooming he always had. I had never seen him at that age and I couldn’t take my eyes away. It’s like I found some buried treasure that was so valuable, I just wanted to look at it for a little while before I put it safely in a drawer.

Here’s a piece I wrote on the first Valentine’s Day after Mr. Virgo died where I talk about the scar tissue grief leaves. I didn’t even mention the significance of the day, which tells me I was trying hard not to think about the significance. It’s amazing how time changes your perspectives. In the midst of it, I never would have dreamed I could breathe again or not feel the constant gut-wrenching pain of his loss.

My dear friend and long time reader, Jackie, reminded me of something. I wrote this before God nudged me to write about Him in my posts. Of course, it is God who stitches us together. Any time I try to take the needle, I botch things up!

I am grateful...that I had Mr. Virgo...I’m grateful that God stitched me back together...and that I have another beautiful life with my wonderful Mr. FixIt.

“Therefore do not let anyone judge you by what you eat or drink, or with regard to a religious festival, a New Moon celebration or a Sabbath day.”
Colossians 2:16 NIV

Day 313: Camping with a Crusty Curmudgeon

Sat, 23 Jan 2021 02:30:00 -0600

I’ve been having a ball this week with the fun memes using Bernie Sanders in his warm parka and mittens at the inauguration. When I first saw him walking in, looking around for his seat, I laughed out loud because he looked all the world like another Bernie I knew and loved. My second father-in-law (whom we affectionately referred to as Pop) was, from all appearances, a bit of a schlub. Lacking social graces, definitely rough around the edges...not one ounce of self awareness, Pop had a huge heart of gold and would do absolutely anything for you if you were a hard worker. He loved big and talked loud and stumbled through life with not a lot of fluff. But, oh....we all loved him fiercely and miss him so much.

When I first saw Bernie Sanders at the inauguration, I thought “Oh, my God...it’s just like Pop decided to stop at Joe’s thing before he went to Kings to pick up some milk and eggs and maybe a dented can of something off the sale rack.” What a joy it is to see each creative interpretation of the modern Jewish zaidie, frumpy but warm, practical and uncaring of your critical eye. He embodies the gestalt of Yiddisha Papas. And...these viral memes may have just fixed the internet this week.

I hear Bernie gets a kick out of all the attention these memes are getting. I don’t know if our Pop would have recognized himself in them, but we do...with lots of love. It’s so sad when you lose a beloved family member. And, it’s so wonderful when you get to the point that you can smile and laugh at the memories without so much pain in your heart.

Thank you, Bernie...for being your practical self, for not giving a rip what people thought of your outfit, and for bringing smiles to a lot of people when they think of their own “Pop”...gone, but never forgotten.

To Our Very Own Bernie....What a Pop You Were!

“Happiness makes you smile; sorrow can crush you.”
Proverbs 15:13 CEV

Day 305: Fear of Writing Wrongs

Fri, 15 Jan 2021 02:30:00 -0600

In the eight years I’ve been writing this blog, there have been many, many times I’ve sat down to write, asked God for words, then argued with Him for an hour before finally giving in. There have been subjects I’ve broached that have scared me on many levels. There have been times I’ve been sure every reader would say, “Yeah...I’m done with this chick!” And, I have no doubt there have been many who have done just that. I do try to stay away from controversial subjects that are divisive, yet sometimes it just can’t be helped if that’s the tug at my heart.

After last week’s attack on the Capital, I sat in front of my computer and seriously considered going back through all my years of writing and “un-publish” anything that might make me a target of someone whose views differed from mine. I was quite honestly scared. I sat there for the longest time, my fingers hovering over the keyboard, not knowing what to do. As I always do...after I wrestle with something on my own for far too long...I asked God what He thought I should do. I closed my eyes and listened with my heart and remembered...I prayed for all those words to come. Who am I to second guess God for the delivery?

I am not saying I hear voices nor am I saying I speak for God. I most certainly don’t. But I do listen for the “still small voice”...the gentle nudges...and sometimes the flat out whacks on the head that He sends me when I ask. And I try to do what I think He would want me to do. Today, I think He wants me to talk to you about betrayal.

I was in a long term relationship once that taught me more life lessons than any one person should have to face. I saw this person as the answer to my prayers...my knight in shining armor. As is often the case when you are totally in love with someone, I downplayed his flaws. I saw him as “deep” and “complicated” and made excuses for slights and hurts when I shouldn’t have. I did not see him the way many others did so I defended him with a vengeance. They didn’t understand him the way I did.

Then, eventually...he betrayed me. But, even after I found out he had, I refused to believe it because I was totally convinced he was who he presented himself to be...or, who I WANTED him to be, actually. It wasn’t until I asked him to his face and he admitted it that I very slowly began to let the truth into my mind and my heart. It was hard. It was one of the hardest things in my life that I have ever had to go through. It was made more difficult by the subtle nuances of my own psyche. “How could I have been so blind?” “OMGosh! I must look so stupid.” I tore myself up for not knowing something I really couldn’t know...because I wouldn’t let myself see.

I don’t know if we can ever go through a whole long life without feeling the sting of betrayal from someone we truly hold in high esteem. It seems implausible. It’s happened to me more than once, and one time hurts just as much as another. What helped me through it was some really good therapy, finding my voice, learning to use it constructively, and looking at the world with a bit more of a critical eye.

Once you’ve gone through something like that, you have a tendency to be able to spot certain behaviors that present as red flags...things that are reminders...familiar feelings...similar words and phrasing...even body language and posturing. Therapy taught me not to berate myself for not seeing, which eased my burden through the healing process.

Relationships are complicated, beliefs are deep seated. No one could possibly have made me see reality till I saw it myself...and any attempt to try would have been met with great resistance. Fortunately, I had people who loved me deeply, who were totally nonjudgmental, and welcomed me with open arms in my broken sadness. Love will always win over hate, anger, and revenge. I eventually learned to see this person for who he was and recognized my own culpability in the situation. Fortunately, we both learned from the situation and grew in our own ways, in our own directions, and became better people.

If you have someone in your life that is feeling betrayed in any relationship, I hope you can refrain from saying “I told you so.” Instead, maybe you can embrace them and tell them you understand it must be really painful, and you love them, and you’ll be there for them should they need you. It may take a great deal of time and patience, but I think that’s what Jesus would want us to do in situations like that.

“The Lord isn't slow about keeping his promises, as some people think he is. In fact, God is patient, because he wants everyone to turn from sin and no one to be lost.”
2 Peter 3:9 CEV

Day 289: Let Your Light Shine Brighter

Wed, 30 Dec 2020 02:30:00 -0600

My grandma had all kinds of sayings that were descriptive and puzzling and funny and weird. Some were long handed down colloquialisms. Some were just those inside jokes that develop within the family and you’re surprised no one else has heard them...they’re just so accurate. One saying she used a lot...it was an Appalachian take on Karma. If you did something you might not ought to have done, or if you made a simple mistake that came back to bite you in the butt later, Grandma would exclaim... “Well, your chickens are just coming home to roost.” Meaning...you’re going to have to pay for that one.

Covid. You would be hard pressed at this point to find someone who doesn’t know someone in their circle who has had it. I hear more and more, every week. I can’t count anymore how many people I know who have had it or knows someone who has. I find it just as concerning today as I did when this first started spreading like wildfire in March. My only fear is that someone I know and love will get it and die. Thank God, the ones I know personally have been among the fortunates who just get sick. Science is still trying to figure out why some feel nothing much more than a bad cold while others seem a little sick one day and die the next.

It’s a crazy disease. And seriously, one that should never, ever have gotten out of hand like this in the United States of America. I’m not going to go on a rant over this here, but I have choice words when I’m watching the news with Mr. FixIt...trust me.

The other day, Daughter #2 called in a panic. They have a good friend who totaled his car a couple of weeks ago and they helped him out. His bubble is small, like theirs, although he does work in assisted living. His patient population had remained untouched by Covid until the week of his accident. And that is when my daughter went to pick him up from the emergency room after his car accident and let him stay with them for a couple of days to make sure he was ok.

Within a few days, he tested positive for Covid. And, three days later, my daughter and her wife began having symptoms. They went right away and got tested, however, tests can often be negative when taken too early in the course of the illness. They haven’t had another test yet, but the circumstances wouldn’t be any different for them if they had. They are isolated and will schedule a repeat test sometime this week.

I am also thanking God they aren’t any sicker than they are. Right now, it’s mostly the fatigue that’s hitting them, and my daughter says it really doesn’t feel much worse than a really bad cold. Thankfully, she has Type O blood...they say those with that blood type seem to get a less severe case. Which is good because she also has bad asthma.

They were just trying to do something kind to help their friend out when he crashed his car. They thought they were safe with all the precautions and their small social bubbles. But, it just goes to show you, this disease is nothing to trifle with. We cannot afford to let our collective guard down...which leads me to my main gripe.

Sitting in my living room, not seeing my family since March...not seeing my Colorado family since August 2019...not eating in a restaurant since February, not camping, not socializing outside of direct family who also socially isolate and then only visiting outside and distanced. Making all these sacrifices and then watching all those people going through the airports and mingling at the malls, knowing...KNOWING full well what’s going to come in two weeks...it makes me so mad I could spit nails! I worked in medicine for forty-two years. I was married to an internist for twenty-one of those. I know how hard those on the front lines work when there ISN’T a pandemic raging.

All it would have taken was a warning in January...something deadly is coming. Prepare yourselves. These are the steps you’re going to need to take. Do these things so we can hunker down and get through it and get back to normal as soon as possible. New Zealand did it. Other countries did it.

This isn’t our Grandfather’s country anymore. What happened to the spirit of a people who rallied around the war effort and sacrificed for others? Those who say “You can’t stop living your life!” Tell that to the 330,000+ families who have lost their beloveds. It just boggles my mind that there are STILL people out there who think this is all a hoax or it’s overblown or it’s just a political ploy to try to control the masses. How many body bags does it take to convince them this is real and the medical community is about to crack?

Ok...ok...I got on my soapbox after all. I can’t help it. It’s come after MY baby now! And this mama is pissed!!!

IT’S NOT FOREVER...IT’S JUST FOR NOW!!!

STAY HOME

WATCH YOUR DISTANCE

WEAR A MASK

WASH YOUR HANDS

And, please pray my baby and her wife get better quickly with no complications or lasting side effects.

PLEASE

When times are dark....let your light shine brighter!

Photo Credit: Steve Derrick - https://www.timesunion.com/entertainment/article/Local-artist-unmasks-soul-of-front-line-workers-15513007.php

“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.”
Philippians 2:3-4 NIV

Day 286: Wrapped Up & Warm

Sun, 27 Dec 2020 02:30:00 -0600

As soon as Christmas was over, I told Mr. FixIt we need a little down time. There are things that need doing in the coming weeks, but right now there is nothing more pressing than fixing a meal every day, knitting, and maybe watching a movie or taking a nap. I love Christmas, but I love the week after just as much.

If you’ve been around here long, you know about my fur coat. In 2007, Mr. Virgo bought me a full length Icelandic Blue Fox fur coat. We lived near Aspen and spent a good deal of time there. As a matter of fact, when I first started dating him, Mr. Virgo lived in Snowmass so I was up there a lot. Winter in Aspen is truly magical and wandering town in the snow was a cold proposition. I mentioned how cold I was one day. The following winter, this baby was under the tree.

I know...I was torn, too. I mean, PETA and fur and controversy versus being that warm and toasty? Warmth won me over and I wore that thing to the grocery store....everywhere. I didn’t care...it was the warmest I’d ever been in the winters of Colorado. I continued to wear it, even after Mr. Virgo died. But one winter, I wore it to the Winter Concert at my granddaughter’s grade school. It was one of the poorest inner city schools in the area and I was embarrassed. I even wadded it up and sat on it during the concert.

The following year, I moved to West Virginia. There aren’t too many places you can wear a coat like that in the Mountain State. I wore it to coffee once when I met my high school girlfriends. They all had fun trying on the coat and having their picture taken, but I soon felt the coat just wasn’t “me” anymore. That’s when I had my friend Ginny cut off the top of it and turn it into a throw for the bed on my camper.

I’ve dragged this thing around with me all over the country. It has comforted me when I was grieving. It has kept me warm around the campfire with I travel with my camping girlfriends. The last big camping trip I took in the fall of 2019 with the Girl Camper Raffle Trailer, the lining started coming out so I carefully folded it and draped it over the back of the loveseat in the family room.

Since we had a White Christmas, the daytime temperatures haven’t been above freezing. And, since my entire goal yesterday was to sit in my new recliner and knit with some yarn my dear friend Gail sent me, I decided I’d be much warmer with my fur thrown over my lap. I gathered up what I needed and stitched the loose life of the lining and before long, I was snug as a bug in a rug...knitting away and watching football as Mr. FixIt snoozed off and on throughout the afternoon.

It was such a cozy feeling...kind of like loving bookends. I am so incredibly blessed to have such thoughtful men in my life...be they present in memory or in the recliner across the room. I couldn’t have been happier, feet propped up, a lovely fur across my lap, the sun bright on the new fallen snow, knitting and listening to the soft, steady breathing of my sweetheart. The dichotomy between now and just five years ago is stark. I remember the darkness so vividly...which is why the light is so remarkable. It continually surprises me and I try very hard not to take a moment of it for granted.

“So I never stop being grateful for you, as I mention you in my prayers.”
Ephesians 1:16 CEV

Day 266: Another Sad Goodbye

Sat, 05 Dec 2020 02:30:00 -0600

When Daughter #1 married in the summer of 1995, I had no idea what an integral part her new family would play in my life. Just five years after we met, these lovely people helped me through a very painful divorce and lifted me up from the fall. Then, years later when Mr. Virgo passed, they took me into their home and loved on me till I could stand up again. They nursed me when I was sick. They welcomed me with my campers and played host to countless “camping trips” in their driveway. They love my daughter the way I love their son. We are as close to being related as we can be without actually sharing DNA.

We have always said, Sue & Ben live at the epicenter of the universe. Way early on, I felt a twinge of jealousy about that because I wanted MY house to be the center. It wasn’t long till I understood why theirs was and I’ve spent many a long, leisurely breakfast at their table...discussing the topics of the day. You always learn something sitting there over coffee. Ben underlines particularly interesting points from the articles in the morning paper and enjoys the intellectual discussions that ensue when he shares them.

When Sue was diagnosed with breast cancer last year, I asked what I could do from here to help her.

“Just chat with me every night. Tell me funny stories. I love your stories...they give me something to think about.”

We have been chatting every single night since and I have to say, that has been one of the deepest experiences I’ve ever had. To watch her strength, courage, and determination has been admirable.

One of the bonus features of my close relationship with Ben & Sue has been Grandma Lois. Born in the northeast corner of Colorado, Grandma was raised to be a strong woman, a hard worker, and she could do anything she set her mind to. I could go through the details of her accomplishments listed in her beautiful obituary, but I’d rather relate what she meant to me personally.

For many years, I only got to see Grandma Lois when she came to Denver to see the kids. But, finally she got to the age where she needed to live closer where someone could be there should she need a little extra support. She bought a small house around the corner from Ben & Sue. That’s when I got to spend more time with her. You never went to her house without being treated to a fresh batch of cookies and a cup of coffee. I often walked over to see her when I was visiting Colorado.

Grandma Lois was widowed in 1996. She was so supportive of me when Mr. Virgo died. We had long talks and she shared her love freely, helping me through a difficult time with tender understanding while, still being the strong farm woman, kicking me in the butt when I needed it. Mr. FixIt and I went to her 90th Birthday Party last summer. She loved him and thought I’d found a real gem. Whenever we spoke on the phone, she asked about him. The other day, we were watching TV when my phone rang. I looked down and said, “It’s Grandma Lois!” Mr. FixIt lit up. This was an unexpected treat!

“Hello, Lois! How are you???” I smiled into the camera.

“Oh! It’s YOU!” she said with surprise. “I never know who I’m going to get with this thing. I just punch the buttons and hope for the best!” Grandma said with a deprecating laugh.

We spoke for a good half hour, sharing stories about the kids. She wanted to know all about our garden and the canning and what we had been up to. I hated for the conversation to end. You know, in the way you hate them to end because you don’t know when...or IF...you’ll get the chance for another one. We always ended our conversations with professions of love for one another, which is the way it should be when you love someone.

As it turns out, that was the last conversation I got to have with Grandma Lois. She recently came down with bilateral non-Covid pneumonia at the nursing home where she’s lived the last year. She passed in her sleep on December 1st at 5:00am. She was 91.

“Little”, my younger granddaughter said this about her great grandmother. “Most people get to the Pearly Gates, knock on the door, and they’re let in. Not Grandma Lois! She rings the doorbell and runs!” I do believe she is right. But this time, Grandma was either too tired to run or she slipped on the step and fell.

I will always be grateful to have known her and loved her...and to have been loved right back. We truly were family...and friends. I am so grateful to Sue for sharing her mom with me. She knew how much I missed my own mom. Grandma Lois gave us all many gifts...not the least was modeling her deep strength and solid faith to the rest of us. I will miss you greatly, dear one...and I have comfort knowing you no longer suffer. I’ll see you on the other side.

“You will be afraid to climb up a hill or walk down a road. Your hair will turn as white as almond blossoms. You will feel lifeless and drag along like an old grasshopper. We each go to our eternal home, and the streets here are filled with those who mourn. The silver cord snaps, the golden bowl breaks; the water pitcher is smashed, and the pulley at the well is shattered. So our bodies return to the earth, and the life-giving breath returns to God.”
Ecclesiastes 12:5-7 CEV

Day 263: Wishes to Prayers, Coincidences to Blessings

Wed, 02 Dec 2020 02:30:00 -0600

In the spring, I noticed my knuckles were swelling and painful. Arthritis? Could be. It’s also one of the myriad symptoms of hyperparathyroidism...of which I was unaware at the time. All I knew was, I was baking a lot and gardening a lot and my rings were becoming harder and harder to slip off and on. One day in particular really scared me. It took lots of uncomfortable coaxing to get my rings off. I certainly didn’t want to run the risk of having to get them cut off. I’ve seen that done and it isn’t pleasant for the recipient. Once I managed to get the rings off that time, they went to the safety deposit box.

All summer, my finger was naked and I hated that I couldn’t wear my wedding rings. However, I equally hated the idea of asking Mr. FixIt to buy me another wedding band...even a simple gold band. As the year wore on, I thought I might broach the subject as a possible gift idea for Christmas, then the microwave bit the dust and there may be a trip to Florida coming up if this parathyroid surgery thing happens. Besides, we just bought these new recliners. I don’t need tchatchkes and I really have everything I could possibly want. I decided not to ask. But ohhhhh, how I wanted a ring on my finger. I did what I always do...I just handed it over to God and put it out of my mind.

The other evening, Mr. FixIt was rummaging around in the basement for quite some time. When he came back up, he had a small case and set it on the floor in front of his recliner. I turned on the overhead light and sat on the floor to see what was in the box. It turned out to be some of his uncle’s “treasures”. Things like war memorabilia and old pocket watches that didn’t work. I am a sucker for things like this so I was having a big time.

“Maybe my new wedding ring is in this box.”

I looked up into my husband’s puzzled face. He knows my rings don’t fit but we’ve never spoken about it.

I smiled. “I asked God to bring me a new one that fits.”

He looked down into the box and picked something up. “How about this one?”

It was old and worn and looked like a piece of an old brass tube. I buffed it hard on the carpet and the tarnished surface remained unchanged. I slipped it on my finger and...I know this sounds SO weird, but...it felt like it belonged to me. Like I’d worn it forever. It was absolutely the perfect size. As a matter of fact, I can’t even tell I’m wearing it. I instantly loved it. It felt like I’d found something just yearning to be back on someone’s finger to be loved again. I didn’t even care that it was rough and tarnished.

Mr. FixIt smiled at my pleasure over such a simple thing. He pondered who the ring might have belonged to and when it was worn last. We went through the rest of the treasures and put the box away. I kept looking at my new wedding band and was happy as a little clam.

We had to run to town yesterday. We never found the missing link of Mr. FixIt’s bracelet so we decided to stop at the jeweler to see if it could be fixed. While we were waiting, I slipped off the new/old ring and asked my sweetheart to see if the jeweler could buff it up a little. I went around and browsed at the sparklies. Finally, he stepped back over and handed me a ring.

“I don’t know about that old one, but they found this one for you to try.”

I looked down at the shiny gold ring and back at him.

“This can’t possibly be the same ring!”

“It is...one and the same. The jeweler just buffed it up!”

Oh, my gosh, you guys. You could have knocked me over with a feather! I slipped this beautiful 16K gold band on my finger and sent up a thank you to Jesus. This was way above and beyond what I ever thought I’d get for Christmas. I would have been happy with the tarnished one, but this? Wow.

My wish became a prayer. What seemed like an uncanny coincidence turned into such a sweet blessing. Not only did I get a new wedding ring that fits perfectly, but my sweetheart got to share something that once belonged to a very special man in his life. When his uncle was a widower and old and alone, Mr. FixIt used to go to his house every single day after work and fix his dinner for him. He took him wherever he wanted to go. He helped him around the house on his days off. I am so honored to share this piece of his past. I’m so grateful to be a part of this story.

“If you are a husband, you should be thoughtful of your wife. Treat her with honor, because she isn't as strong as you are, and she shares with you in the gift of life. Then nothing will stand in the way of your prayers.”
1 Peter 3:7 CEV

Day 238: I Love You for Who You Are...and Who You Aren’t

Sat, 07 Nov 2020 02:30:00 -0600

I met Nicole in one of the many hot springs pools lining the steppes at the river’s edge in Glenwood Springs. It was getting late and it was very cold...just a few days before Christmas. I had dinner earlier...alone...at the restaurant where Mr. Virgo and I were married. It was only the second time I visited Rivers Restaurant since his death and this one didn’t hurt as much. Nearly four years had passed and my life was on a new trajectory. I was healing.

I sat in the pool closest to the river and watched the lights from town reflecting on the ripples of the Colorado River. Muted conversations drifted around me on the swirls of steam rising from the healing waters. A woman’s voice interrupted my reverie.

“Do you mind if we join you?” A young couple in their late thirties stood at the water’s edge.

“No...please. Join me!”

Our conversation was easy and flowed from one topic to another as we enjoyed sitting under the stars...the cold air freezing a crown of glistening ice in our hair. God brings people together for reasons we cannot begin to understand and Nicole was my God appointment of the day. We shared contact info and soon were Facebook friends. I’ve never seen her again, but we bonded in our own way and I’ve enjoyed following her exploits over the years.

Last night, when I sat down to write this, I opened Facebook and there she was...in a wedding dress, on the arm of a dark and distinguished looking man. She attached a link to a New York Times article featuring their “how we fell in love during the pandemic” story. I loved seeing that serene smile on her face. The love in their eyes was palpable. I skimmed the article and came to their vows.

“I promise to love you for who you are...and who you are not.”

I sat for the longest time letting that roll around in my mind. What an interesting phrase to share at your wedding.The more I thought about it, the more I really got it. I can totally see what she meant by that. I love Mr. FixIt for who he is...his kind and gentle spirit, his quick wit and sense of adventure, his rock steady love for me. And, I love him for who he isn’t....all the traits I’ve lived with in relationships past that didn’t mesh with my own. He isn’t jealous, possessive, or impatient. There isn’t a mean bone in his body. I love him just as much for who he is not as I do for who he is.

I thought about the pandemic and the timeline of our relationship. I can’t imagine starting a new relationship in the midst of all the craziness of 2020. That being said, I can’t think of anyone I’d rather be holed up with than Mr. FixIt. This year has been intense...between the pandemic and two strokes and quarantine and staying home raising a garden and canning everything in sight and taking care of a little black cat and two farms....we’ve been stuck to each other like glue.

I always took pride in the fact that Mr. Virgo and I never, ever raised our voices to each other. In my relationship with Mr. FixIt, I’ve realized maybe that wasn’t the healthiest thing. I held a lot in back then. I had a hefty fear of abandonment, especially after a painful divorce in 2000. I didn’t want to rock the boat. I needn’t worry about that with Mr. FixIt. We speak from the heart and sometimes have “vibrant discussions”. It’s by far the healthiest relationship I’ve ever had. And the most fun!

I love the circuitous route my life has taken, where it’s led me, and those whose path I’ve crossed...if only to read a story about love in the time of Covid. And getting to live my own.

“You did not choose me. I chose you and sent you out to produce fruit, the kind of fruit that will last. Then my Father will give you whatever you ask for in my name. So I command you to love each other.”
John 15:16-17 CEV

Day 235: Election Day 2020

Tue, 03 Nov 2020 02:30:00 -0600

It’s finally here. I don’t know about you, but I am so oversaturated with all the political ads, misinformation, disinformation, anger, divisiveness, and flat out hatred we have all witnessed over the last year. I have no idea what’s coming in the next few days, but if watching the businesses boarding up their windows is any indication, it looks really scary. There is actually a real condition called Election Stress Disorder. Therapy visits are up, along with anxiety levels and the number on the scale.

We all do what we need to do to get through stressful situations. We may have unhealthy coping strategies like hibernating or overeating, drinking or doing drugs, shopping or whatever else we might come up with to get by. As we sit here today, it’s like watching the fuse on a stick of dynamite burning down and waiting for the explosion.

There are some coping strategies to help get through the coming few days and keep our anxiety levels down. Remembering to simply take a deep breath can help to center you. Getting some exercise is beneficial, even if it’s just as simple as taking a walk. Avoid “doom-scrolling” through the news and social media...looking at all the worst-case-scenario stories. Our minds can conjure up some pretty scary scenes. Keeping our minds occupied with something other than sitting in front of the TV all day and night can go a long way toward keeping fear in check.

I have my knitting beside my new red recliner. I have four really great magazines to read. I made an apple pie yesterday and I’m sure we’ll nibble on it for a couple days. The biggest diversion of the day is a trip to the dentist for my sweetheart. I thought it was ridiculous to do that on Election Day, then I saw my husband’s brilliant logic...keep his wife occupied and away from the television.

I saw a lot of posts yesterday encouraging people to refrain from gloating if your side wins or try to keep from sinking into despair if you lose. Things like that make me hopeful that we can heal from the ugliness we have experienced during this election. I go further than that to what the Bible tells us to do...love one another. It seems so simple, yet...it’s going to take some real effort, I think. We can do this...we can heal...we must heal. We must.

❤️

“But I am giving you a new command. You must love each other, just as I have loved you.”
John 13:34 CEV

Day 230: “Life Is All About What You Give”

Thu, 29 Oct 2020 01:30:00 -0600

I usually have a good idea of what I want to talk about in my daily posts when I sit down to write at night. However, sometimes I sit and sit and sit some more without coming up with a clear plan. That’s when I know there’s no beating around the bush...I need to take it to God in prayer and ask Him what HE wants me to write about. Such was the case last night.

Oh, sure...I could tell you about the hour and a half we sat on the customer service phone call with the power company. Or, our quick trip to town to pick up our new recliners...which are beautiful and SO comfortable, by the way. Or, how hard it was to put the backs back on once we got them in the house. (Mr. FixIt said the lock goes down...I said up. I won’t tell you who won! Or, I could tell you how we decadently took the rest of the day off and sat in said comfy chairs watching our recording of The Voice. Nope, that isn’t what He wanted me to write about. He wanted me to talk about giving.

In my prayers, I was nudged to read a devotional that I finished a couple of months ago because it’s as timely...if not more so...now as it was before. It’s called “Unoffendable” by Ryan Leak. This is a ten-day devotional that helps you to see how culpable we all are in this age of offense. The bottom line of the whole thing is simple...“Life Is All About What You Give”. This brings up a complicated point.

“We are what we eat.”

Now, that doesn’t mean we are a cow or a head of cauliflower. It means we put out what we take in. If we take in ugliness and hatred, we are much more likely to put that back out into the world. When we do that, we offend others who disagree with us, and vice versa. When we feed ourselves with “good food” we are much more likely to express goodness to others. And isn’t that what we want more of in the world?

We have no control over others...we only have control of our reactions to them. I am getting much better at saying, “I don’t find that kind of talk to be helpful.” I’m better at removing myself from situations. And, I am really working on not engaging when I feel “offended”. What I “give” is much more important.

I try to be a cheerleader in these times of unrest. I’m only human...I make mistakes...but I surely try. Let’s try to give out as much goodness as we can in the coming days and weeks. Because, soon....there are going to be a lot of unhappy people, one way or another. Let’s try to be more like Jesus and love others as we love ourselves...as He loves us.

❤️

“You cannot fool God, so don't make a fool of yourself! You will harvest what you plant.”
Galatians 6:7 CEV

Day 228: We Love Who We Love

Tue, 27 Oct 2020 01:30:00 -0600

In fourth grade, she sat in the car and cried.

“What’s wrong, sweetheart?”

“I can’t tell you.”

“Why not?”

“Because...you’ll hate me!”

“No, sweetie...there’s nothing in the world that would make me hate you! Tell Mama what’s wrong.”

“I like to look at pretty girls.”

There it was. The fork in the road. I wasn’t necessarily surprised. She was always a butterfly dancing in the wind. There was great sadness she tried to hide. I didn’t always understand her creativity, her mood, her fierce intellect. She was simultaneously immensely brave and terribly fearful. She could read at the tender age of seventeen months. And when she walked into a room full of people, she could FEEL all their feelings. When she took tests in school, her brain felt like 100 television sets were broadcasting different channels and her job was to pick which one had the right answers.

My baby girl. The one I waited so long to have. My last child.

She was an exceptionally beautiful baby. Strangers would cross the street just to stand near us and look in her eyes and smile. She was what is commonly referred to as an “old soul”. She was incredibly sensitive.

When she was in sixth grade, she cried on the steps of the school instead of joining in the class dance. In high school, I held her when she cried at the injustice of being called a “stupid effing Jew”. In adolescence, she struggled mightily. In college, they diagnosed her learning disability and she received accommodations. Things finally became a little easier for her. The room full of TV’s reduced to just five.

She thought she needed to be something she wasn’t in order to receive the approval of others. Maybe I wasn’t openly accepting enough of her 4th grade confession. Maybe I tried to sweep it under the rug. If I did, it wasn’t because I wouldn’t love her if she was gay. It was because I knew she would face more challenges in life by others who wouldn’t accept her. And I hated that for her. She had already been through so much when I was ill, and then when her father and I divorced. For whatever reason, we didn’t really talk about it again till after a terrible breakup with a guy who drank too much and mistreated her. That brought her to her knees.

I’ve always told her, she reminds me of that punching-bag Bozo the Clown we had when we were kids. Whenever she got knocked down, she came right back up. Every. Single. Time. I’m so proud of her. And when she finally found *K*, I was thrilled. Because she blossomed. She is who she really IS with her. They are so good together. They lift each other up and celebrate each other. They work toward their goals. They are best friends and they love and respect each other deeply.

I will never forget the day she called me and said, “Mom, are you sitting down?”

With slight trepidation, I said, “Yes.”

“I’m going to ask *K* to marry me!”

OMGosh! My heart exploded for her. After watching her struggle for all those years, trying to find herself, she was finally there. The rest of the conversation was filled with “congratulations” and “when is the wedding” and “what are your plans”.

I’ve had many prayerful moments about this. I am a Christian. In my prayers, I asked God to tell me what to do. I had people actually tell me I should just send them each a wedding gift and not go to the wedding. I’ve had people tell me we’re all going to hell. That’s not what God told me. He reminded me HE gave me this child to love and care for and protect...forever. And that’s what I will do...forever.

She called me in tears the other night regarding the impending confirmation of a Supreme Court Judge who is not supportive of the LGBTQ community, tipping the majority. She asked, “What if they delegitimize our marriage???” Imagine her fear...her sadness...her frustration. I paused, took a deep breath, and said, “Sweetheart, nobody can ever take away the love you and your wife have for each other. NO ONE can take away your relationship. I don’t know what will happen to the paper that joins you. I don’t know what will happen in the courts and in the country and in the world. We’ll just pray that everything works out.” I do know this...God loves them, just as He loves all of us.

I don’t have all the answers. I’m just a mom who loves her daughter to the moon and back. I want her to have the freedom to love who she loves...the same freedom I have and you have. I will fight for the rights of my children. When it is my time to stand before God and have a reckoning of my life, I will tell Him I loved the babies he gave me...no matter what...and I tried to do the best for them. That’s the best I can do.

❤️

“There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. We love because he first loved us.”
1 John 4:18-19 NIV

Day 220: Grounding Myself in the Spirit

Mon, 19 Oct 2020 01:30:00 -0600

Flyfishing the Curratuck Sound at Sunset

Mr. FixIt and I haven’t been to church in person since February. We really miss it, but online church has become our custom and we get up with great anticipation to hear another good sermon. When they first started attending live services, the pastor made some remarks that made us feel belittled for not attending in person. I sent a kind, well-worded message and asked that they please not ostracize those who choose to stay home due to underlying medical conditions that could make getting Covid a death sentence. The next weekend, the pastor spoke into the camera and welcomed us to online church and dubbed us the Warehouse Nation. Their online ministry has started drawing an audience from all over the world. It’s just a simple lesson...don’t shut people out. God’s using this time for HIS glory...not ours.

For the most part, I really love my home church. But there have been a couple of times that I have been put off by the pastor preaching politics from the pulpit. I have asked on my personal page if this is a common occurrence and I received some very good feedback. Unfortunately, the discussion quickly went off the rails and political policies and the heated emotions that attend them blew up. Most of the time I’ll cut that off, but this time I let it run its course and prayed till it blew over. That being said, I won’t do that here so let’s not even go there. I thought about writing another well worded note to the pastors, but didn’t. When it happened a second time, I almost said forget it...we’ll just find another church. But God kept whispering to my heart to hang on. He’s not just working on me. He’s working on everyone and He wanted me to be patient and give Him time to work. In other words, He wanted me to tend to my own knittin’, as my grandma used to say.

The other day, a young man who went to high school with Daughter #1 was on a thread I was was participating in. I know better than to read Facebook too late in the evening when I’m tired and fed up. A comment was made and I responded. Looking back, I can see where it came across as snarky. I was going to erase it, then vacation stuff took over and I totally forgot. That is, until I got the response from “John”. It was equally snarky. I typed a response...and erased it. Typed another...erased it. Another...cancelled. In my conversational tone, I said, “Ok, God...what are you saying here? What are you asking me to do?”

“Wait...I’m not done yet.”

Yesterday, our pastor delivered the sermon God wanted me to wait for. I don’t know if someone else sent a well-worded note, or if God was working on all of us, but our pastor walked us through the Fruits of the Spirit. Since when did we start hating each other for having a different political opinion? Since when did we decide it was ok to throw out the Golden Rule and go for the jugular every time someone says something that offends us? Granted...there ARE plenty of things to be legitimately offended over, but we shouldn’t be hateful over differences of opinion over politics. God is so much bigger than Trump or Biden or Covid.

The Fruits of the Spirit are: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Being our best self. I saw something the other day that gave me pause.

Kamala is beloved.

Donald is fearfully and wonderfully made.

Mike is cherished.

Joe is important enough that Jesus died for him.

Jesus sees us all through the same lens and God is our judge...not members of the opposing party. I can respect the office but not the policies and/or behavior of the person sitting in the chair. I can know who you vote for and still love you. Humans are capable of that.

This post isn’t about politics. This post is about love. God’s love for us. And the love He commanded us to practice toward Him and each other.

❤️

““Teacher, what is the most important commandment in the Law?” Jesus answered: Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, and mind. This is the first and most important commandment. The second most important commandment is like this one. And it is, “Love others as much as you love yourself.” All the Law of Moses and the Books of the Prophets are based on these two commandments.”
Matthew 22:36-40 CEV

Day 216: Gone Fishin’ With The Boys

Thu, 15 Oct 2020 01:30:00 -0600

Of all things, the check engine light came on in my truck on Tuesday evening. We had to go find an auto parts store yesterday that could run a computer diagnostic test on it. There were three codes...all regarding misfiring in the cylinders. My guess is we need new spark plugs, a tune up, or we had a batch of bad gas. The light went off after she checked...which is what it’s supposed to do. And, it hasn’t come back on. We’ll keep an eye on it and hopefully, we won’t have anymore problems and I can get it checked out at home.

I will have to say, there are a boatload more people here than we imagined there would be. So many people are working remotely now and if you can work from home, you can work from the beach just as easily. Gone are the days of long stretches of empty sand and sparsely attended restaurants, I’m afraid. On the plus side, the merchants are reaping an extended profit season and that’s really good for them.

I visited my favorite knitting shop...The Knitting Addiction In Kitty Hawk. I was happy to see the owner doing well. I was so tempted to buy a nice project to work on, but I still have so much yarn left from my last trips to the beach, I made myself stick to something small. I found it in the cutest kits for Christmas ornaments. That kills two birds with one stone. We always buy a special ornament when we are on vacation. This way, we’ll still get our ornament, and it will be even more special because I’ll be making it.

The kids went off to do their own thing yesterday so Mr. FixIt and I had all day to ourselves. We had so much fun! We packed up a picnic basket and the cooler, put it in the wagon, and headed to the beach...fishing gear in hand. Fortunately, the condo complex has built an enormous new ramp that goes up and over the dunes so carting gear out and back isn’t quite the chore it used to be. That being said, our foldable wagon does not have wide wheels for the sand. Once we got out on the beach, it was quite the chore dragging it to a socially distanced spot where we felt comfortable.

We spent all afternoon on the beach. There was a steady breeze coming in off the ocean and I was just a little too cool. I ended up turning my chair to face the sun instead of the waves, wrapped a towel around my shoulders and read all afternoon. Now, THAT was exactly where I wanted to be...with my sweetheart, on the beach. I have been thrilled to see him perk up this week. He’s so much more like the old Mr. FixIt we all know and love. He has missed the beach so much. It’s in his blood and just being here has done wonders for him.

He and his son are meeting a friend today and going deep sea fishing on a charter. There will only be the three guys and two crewmen. We’ve been so worried about his balance since the stroke, and I was concerned about him being on the boat. But...it’s his son. It’s his life. It’s really overall safe and they’ll keep socially distanced. He’ll sit the majority of the time anyway. And...he needs this.

Will I worry? Maybe I worried a little last night when he decided to go, but then I just handed him over to God. I know He’ll take good care of him. I’ll have a chat with my stepson...I know he’ll take extra special care of his dad, too. I cannot watch him 24/7/365. It’s part of the give and take of marriage. It’s part of me letting go and stop trying to control any possible outcome. It comes from prior loss...I know that. He still needs to have a normal life and he’s really doing much better. So, off he goes fishing with the boys and the girls are having a beach day.

God, please let him catch a big fish!

❤️

“Parents, don't be hard on your children. Raise them properly. Teach them and instruct them about the Lord.”
Ephesians 6:4 CEV

Day 212: Just a Little 12-Hour Road Trip!

Sun, 11 Oct 2020 01:30:00 -0600

It is only 566 miles from our home to our condo. Google Maps says it will take 8 hours and 37 minutes to make that trip. I would say that is possibly true...in Kansas. But we’re not in Kansas anymore, Toto. Google simply does not understand West Virginia miles. Nor does it take into consideration the tail end of a hurricane passing through or a long and tortuous orange cone season. The last time we were down here was a year and a half ago and they are STILL working on the very same stretches of road. I told Mr. FixIt, I recognized the same piles of dirt!

Other than the rain and the road construction it was pretty smooth sailing. Except for the driver’s side windshield wiper. The tip broke off the blade and it slipped further and further out of the channel with every swipe so I had to find a Walmart and get some new blades. By the time I came back out, the rain was pouring but we found a Sheetz station with a canopy and I changed the blades post haste.

We carted more stuff with us than we ever have this time. We are avoiding the grocery stores here so we brought our own food. I also brought cleaning items and went in the condo and wiped down all the high touch surfaces before we took anything in. The sheets and pillows were provided. We don’t mind sleeping on sheets that we can tell were washed well, but we still brought our own pillows. We brought our own blankets as well. And, the first thing I did was strip the bed and put a brand new mattress cover on the bed. My stepson bought them for both the A & B sides and will leave them with us. That way, we can launder them, put them away, and bring them the next time we come down.

It is really a shame it was so cloudy, rainy and foggy coming through the West Virginia mountains. The colors are magnificent this year, and if it would have been sunny, I could have gotten some great shots. Instead, I snuggled up under my car comforter and fell asleep for Mr. FixIt’s first driving shift. We only saw one small accident on the way down and thank God that He delivered us safely here. The kids arrive sometime late today! I’ve never had a “family vacation” except when my own kids were little. Family beach vacations are de rigueur for my husband’s family so I’m pretty stoked!

❤️

“If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.”
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭139:9-10‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Day 209: Multi-Tasking!

Thu, 08 Oct 2020 01:30:00 -0600

Multi-Tasking!

Hokey-smokes! It took three days to make seven and a half PINTS of apple butter....but, ohhhhhhhhh....is it ever good! I started out with nearly a bushel of apples on Sunday. On Monday, I had them mostly cut up. On Tuesday morning, I managed to get them cut up enough to fit them all in two big slow cookers. I thought they would cook up nice and thick but by evening, they were actually swelling up and I was afraid they would spill over. So, I took my immersion blender and puréed them. Now I was absolutely sure the apple butter would be nice and thick by yesterday morning. Nope...still soupy. I needed some way to cook them down.

What started out pale like applesauce is turning dark from the carmelization of the sugars.

I remembered I had a big disposable turkey roaster in the pantry, so I pulled that out. I put as much of the purée as I could fit in that pan and popped it into a 325 degree oven. I put the rest in my big canner, poured myself a cup of coffee, pulled up a stool, and sat down with a big wooden spoon in one hand and my coffee in the other...all while perusing Facebook! After a couple of hours of that, the pan in the oven had cooked down enough to add what was in the canner. Finally! I could leave it alone and just stir it ever half hour or so. I discovered this is the only way to make apple butter if you want to do anything else that day! It came out so nice and thick and the perfect balance of spicy sweet and tart. I can’t believe all of that cooked down into just seven full pints. The half pint I put in the fridge for eating right away. I’m not the biggest fan of apple butter, but I’ll tell you what...you’ll have to be pretty special to get one of these jars!

The apple butter is now a very rich brown color. Reduced by baking for hours at 325, it’s finally ready to jar up and process. Believe it or not, this is nearly a bushel of apples!

After two days of vibrant yet civil discourse on some sensitive topics on Facebook yesterday, I was pretty fried. I have a couple of pages that I can go to with like minded individuals and just get a feel for what everyone else is going through. In one group, a woman asked if we were still going to be friends with our friends who vote differently than us. I was appalled by the number of people who replied with a resounding no. It gave me time to think about what comes next.

True friendships are like a marriage in a way. You go through the good times and the bad times. Sometimes you have to speak uncomfortable truths and stand up for what you believe in. But you still respect each other in the end. At least I think you should. I love all of my friends and it never occurred to me that I wouldn’t continue to love them after the election. We are all, every single person, no matter which side of the fence you sit...we are ALL entitled to our views. We may not understand how or why the other votes or believes the way they do, but as long as you still want to be my friend, you have a friend in me. I draw the line if things get abusive. I do have boundaries.

Dr. Martin Luther King said it best. “Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.”

I choose love.

❤️

“Love is more important than anything else. It is what ties everything completely together.”
Colossians 3:14 CEV

Day 206: A Disappointment...and a Surprise!

Mon, 05 Oct 2020 01:30:00 -0600

We went to pick up that chair at the antique store yesterday. When I first set eyes on it, I thought “It looks so much smaller in person.” Then I sat in it. It was so uncomfortable. I have long legs and the seat didn’t come anywhere near the back of my knees. The cushion was stiff and the padding on the arms was back too far. I was so disappointed as I was sure I could never sit in that chair for hours and write. I told the clerk that I was so sorry...the chair just wasn’t going to meet my needs. He was very good about it and said not to worry one bit.

We went on to look around the antique shop...something Mr. FixIt and I both truly enjoy doing together. I love this particular establishment because it is well stocked and everything is so nicely displayed. I rummaged around looking into and under things and spied a nice eleven inch cast iron skillet. So many of the newer skillets have a rough surface and I don’t like them. The food tends to stick to them and make a mess. I prefer an older, smooth surface skillet that you can season well. I like Griswold skillets, but they are getting harder and harder to find. This one doesn’t have a brand on it, but I’m looking forward to cleaning it up and seasoning it. It’s a great size for burgers and steaks.

The other evening, Mr. FixIt came home from town with a bag of groceries in one hand and a bouquet of roses in the other. As we sat down to watch church online yesterday, I saw the sun shining in on my fur throw and thought it would be a lovely setting to photograph my roses. This man is the sweetest gift from God. He’s my best friend and my playmate and my argument buddy. He’s the first man in my life that I can be absolutely ME with...100%...and he loves me no matter what comes out of my mouth. He is infinitely patient, kind, gentle, and funny. He pushes my buttons just enough to get a rise out of me and knows when to back off. He would do absolutely anything for me...I know this, and rest comfortably in it. I would do absolutely anything for him, too. We’ve got each other’s backs...always. Our second wedding anniversary is October 13th and we will be at the beach. He wasn’t sure he would be able to find roses for me there. We are going to avoid going in shops, anyway. So...I got my roses early. And aren’t they amazing? They remind me of autumn with their vibrant red and orange color. What a lovely treat! I am truly blessed.

I never dreamed I would get to do this again. I know I’ve said that before, but it’s always worth saying again. God saved the best for last.

❤️

“Love never fails!...”
1 Corinthians 13:8 CEV

Day 203: Where Do I Find...Feel Good Friday?

Fri, 02 Oct 2020 01:30:00 -0600

Lord, have Mercy...these are hard times if we look at all we are shown. I’ve lost friends this year...some to death...some to politics. My list dwindles as people peel away from me for whatever reason. I had a friend ask the other night if we should unfriend till next year. I told her I am comfortable with civil discourse but if it made her more comfortable, she needed to do what was best for her. We decided to stay connected and work our way through the next few months. That being said, there are some friends I have had to put in “time out” by snoozing them for thirty days. When those thirty days are up, I can revisit and evaluate. I don’t unfriend people just because we have a difference of opinion. I DO unfriend people if they attack, are verbally abusive, or go beyond my personal boundaries of what I am willing to put up with.

So...I snoozed the loudest, angriest, ugliest posts. Then...by mid week, my FB feed sounded like crickets. It’s been so much more peaceful and it left me the space to fill with hope and love. Hate doesn’t kill hate...only love does. My dear friend Diane shares the craziest, sometimes bawdiest memes and funnies and she helps keep me sane. She sometimes has a crusty exterior, but inside...she’s a marshmallow. She just doesn’t let very many people know. The other day, she sent me this. I watched it in messenger, but the sound wasn’t on. I thought is was so sweet...a speech therapist is getting married and her groom surprises her with the beautiful children she works with. Sweet. Then...when I prepared to write this post, I watched the full video with the sound and sobbed all the way through it...three times.

We need more of this beauty and joy in our lives. These are hard times, yes. And there’s a lot of ugliness in this world. But....oh, my...there is still SO much beauty. Please don’t forget there is still so much beauty around us. Please don’t give up.

Keep looking.

WATCH THIS BEAUTIFUL VIDEO HERE!

❤️

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.”
Galatians 5:22-23 NIV

Day 151: My Shining Ray of Hope in a Phone Call

Sun, 16 Aug 2020 01:30:00 -0600

I worked on my website for a few hours yesterday. The office is across the wall from the television in the family room and my sweet hubby was snoozed out in his recliner with a shoot ‘em up action film going. I could feel every boom to my toes so I turned on my music. The booms melded with the tympani of the orchestra and soon I was blissfully lost in my work. Did I mention I hate television? We have agreed on a compromise. Until my second cup of coffee is done, there will only be old reruns of Andy Griffith on the TV. Then I can go do whatever else I want to do. Win-Win!

We had three inches of rain yesterday between 6:00am and 2:30pm. I sure wish we could send some out west to help with the fires. Our high temp yesterday was predicted to be 73 degrees. I will take a day like that anytime!

As soon as the rain let up, I packed up a few things and was about to head out the door to the camper when my phone rang. I was one of my dearest friends in the whole world calling from Colorado. She read my post yesterday and said, “You DON’T want to come to Colorado! The smoke is so bad, we can’t even go out of the house!” We went on to talk for an hour and I’m telling you...it was like salve to a sore place, as my grandma used to say.

Barbara and I are about ten years apart in age, yet my youngest and her oldest are only nine months apart. We became fast friends when her husband opened his practice in the same small Colorado town where Hubby #2 and I lived. She’s that friend you may not talk to frequently, but when you connect, the time seems to melt away. I felt 1000% percent better after talking to her and hearing she is going through much of the same things I am feeling with all that’s going on. I was her God appointment of the day...I am sure.

When we finally said our goodbyes, I grabbed my camping bag filled with books and writing implements and told Mr. FixIt I was “going camping”! So, as I am writing this, I am tucked into TOW-Wanda...pretending I’m camped near a clear mountain lake high in the Rockies and I can literally feel the stress peel off of my weary heart and mind.

There are ways to escape...even when you are bound to your premises. Remember to protect your mental well-being as well as your physical health during stressful times. Chronic stress leads to high cortisol levels and that can lead to a lot of physical problems in and of itself. A phone call. A good book. I’m reading Aunt Arie: A Foxfire Portrait and just love it. Aunt Arie is so much like my grandma and her contemporaries that I grew up with and her stories take me back to my childhood. A change of scenery...even if it’s just in another room or a short drive away...can do wonders for your frame of mind.

There’s nothing like rain on the roof of a camper to put things in perspective and I am blessed to have this little home on wheels. I noticed a little bit of water on the floor so I need to do some sealing work in the next dry stretch.

❤️

“I give you peace, the kind of peace only I can give. It isn't like the peace this world can give. So don't be worried or afraid.”
John 14:27 CEV

Day 150: Just an Old Granny Grump

Sat, 15 Aug 2020 01:30:00 -0600

When my grandma got old and we’d ask her how she was doing, she’d say, “I’m just an old Granny Grump!” I have no idea how old “old” was to me at the time, and I surely didn’t grasp the full nuance of the term “Granny Grump”. But, I think I’m beginning to get it.

Ok...I’m not old, but I’m feeling like it lately. And I’m definitely feeling grumpy. Just ask my poor husband. It’s hard when you go on Facebook and you see your friends out doing things and you aren’t. It makes you wonder if maybe you’re being silly with all these Covid precautions. I mean, really...what harm could it do to hop on a plane or hook up the camper and drive across the country? I want to go camping. I want to go out to dinner. I want to go to Daytona Beach.

I want my life back.

I know. You do, too.

This isn’t easy. And getting ready to head into the winter months, feeling like this will never ever end can easily turn anyone into a Granny Grump. When we got home from town yesterday, I hopped on the mower and mowed the whole property. I can do a lot of thinking while I mow. I zipped past the camper and thought, “I could do it, you know. I could just pack that bad girl up and hit the open road and be in Colorado by the middle of next week!!!” Man, I miss my kids and grandkids and brother and friends. Mr. FixIt and I have been together more in the last 150 days than Mr. Virgo and I were in the entire seven years I knew him. I’ve never spent this much time with anyone and being the kind of person I am...I know full well I am much NICER when I have a little tiny bit of space to call my own.

Then I remember how awful it was when I found out what being really alone felt like. And I start feeling a little guilty about wanting some space. Because I know about grief and loss and aloneness. And...being careful what you wish for.

There is a difference between wanting to be alone and wanting a little space and time to recharge. Thank God, Mr. FixIt is pretty much back to being his healthy self. I still wouldn’t feel comfortable pulling the camper all the way to Colorado without him this summer, though. That’s too far away and not enough time has passed since the strokes. Then there’s the whole virus thing...so, here I am.

I’m just feeling a little stuck. And, I know I’m not the only one.

This is a tough time we are going through, considering everything that has happened this year. I am reminded of something I wrote about a long time ago. You can put an egg and a potato in boiling water. One will become hard. The other soft. The temperature of the water is the same, but what they turn into depends on what they are made of.

I will not let my present set of circumstances harden me.

This, too, shall pass.

❤️

“If you are a husband, you should be thoughtful of your wife. Treat her with honor, because she isn't as strong as you are, and she shares with you in the gift of life. Then nothing will stand in the way of your prayers.”
1 Peter 3:7 CEV

#JustSayin, #Grumpy, #Stuck

Day 139: Fall Down, Fallout, Fall Over

Tue, 04 Aug 2020 01:30:00 -0600

I had to zoom over to the farm yesterday to meet the satellite guy. That was what I thought to be the final fix from the tree-falling fiasco of last week. The farm is really rural and there was a county-wide planned power outage yesterday from 7:00am to 1:30pm. This happens fairly frequently as they work on what is often quite old infrastructure. When the satellite guy arrived, the power was still off and didn’t come back on till after he left. He said we were doing this job on faith. Faith that he did the job right and it would work once the box rebooted. Sure enough, the power came on, and the TV worked. However...the internet would not come back on. I called and there was an outage at the main hub. Hopefully it comes back on and we don’t have to have another service call.

I arrived at the farm before Mr. FixIt. When I pulled up at the house, I noticed the sheet metal “lean to” that protects the gas meter was crushed. When I looked closer, another tree had come down and just narrowly missed the gas meter by a couple of inches. I cleaned up the branches and threw them up behind the barn. Then I lifted up the tree. It really wasn’t too heavy because it was dead and pretty well dried up. I moved it to the side and dropped it...right on my foot! Let me tell ya...that thing was a little heavier than I thought when it landed on my toes. Just dinged them up pretty good and I’ll have some decent bruises out of the deal.

We mowed and did the laundry and ate a lovely lunch on Grandma’s table. I cannot do anything there without feeling her love...for the place...for me. I know without a shadow of a doubt that she would be so incredibly pleased that I take such good care of her house. One of her kids complained to her once about this dusty old house. She told them in no uncertain terms that this house was like the Taj Majal to her. She used to cook on a hot plate on the stair landing of a boarding house. This place is the Ritz compared to some of the places she lived.

Oh, she’s showing her age, this old house. She’s going on a hundred years old, I think. The kitchen floor is off kilter with a hump in the middle that makes you feel like you’re heading downhill when you cross over it. The refrigerator is on shims to keep it level. There are rain stains in the ceiling tiles my uncle put up back in the ‘60s. The house has four kinds of linoleum on the main floor. The walls are plaster and lathe on the main floor and a kind of cardboard looking stuff upstairs. I think the same curtains are up that Grandma hung when I was a little girl.

Grandma was a frugal woman. Having survived the Great Depression with six children, she learned how to make things last. I remember washing sheets in the old wringer washer downstairs and then she would take bits of material and sew up any holes or worn places in them. She used her treadle sewing machine and she made that needle fly. I always wanted to learn how to do everything she did. She wasn’t always a patient teacher because she had work to do, but she taught me a lot. It would be my highest complement to be even just a little like her.

We ended the evening mowing a little here at the Ponderosa and gathering a shirt bottom full of ripe tomatoes from the garden...still warm from the sun. I cut them in wedges and arranged them over cool cottage cheese with a couple good twists of fresh ground salt and pepper for Mr. FixIt’s supper. It seems like I am always busy doing something, but it feels like a much simpler life than I’ve ever lived before. I think it’s because it’s here...in West Virginia. Time is a little slower here...a little gentler...a little sweeter.

❤️

“And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.”
Philippians 4:19 NIV

Day 127: Planting Peace

Thu, 23 Jul 2020 01:30:00 -0600

I saw a video yesterday that warmed my heart. A little girl smashes her fingers in a door. Her mama instructs her to take a deep breath. She asks her a few questions and when the little girl remembers she smashed her fingers, she puckers up to cry again. Her mother never once tells her not to cry. She acknowledges her daughter’s pain and comforts her in a way that gives the little girl power. Not only power, but the opportunity to participate in love. In loving herself. In loving her mom. All without a meltdown or worse...a tired and frustrated mom yelling at her child to quit crying.

I remember when my daughters were little ones. I treated them so differently. Because, I was barely twenty-one when the first one was born. I knew about as much about parenting as I know about astrophysics. When she fell down, she was instructed to get up and brush it off. Consequently, it made her tough. She is a rock and can do all the tough stuff. The downside of that is, we expect her to be the rock and do all the tough stuff. I sometimes wish I would have held her and rocked her when she hurt instead of putting such expectations on her. She is an excellent mother to her girls. I can see my parenting style in her. We live what we learn.

I was in a far different place when Daughter #2 came into the world. Her daddy was already an established physician in the small mountain community we lived in. I was thirty-six, nearly thirty-seven when she was born. We had a level of affluence I couldn’t have even imagined when my first daughter was young. There were a lot of things going on in my life when she was little and I mothered her entirely differently. I knew this was my last baby and I wanted to soak every ounce out of the experience. That wasn’t always in my daughter’s best interest. Still, she grew up with a passionate intensity. She was much more in tune with her emotions and shared them at will. Which wasn’t always in MY best interests.

You cannot compare one child to another, even when they are raised in the same family. They each have their own personalities. But the one thing I think I really got right was teaching my children to love. To have great empathy. To hold others in high regard. To have compassion. To plant peace wherever they go. I love that about them. They may do it in different ways, but they have great hearts....and I am so, so proud.

This sweet little one captured my heart. She will always know she is loved, and she is worthy.

❤️

“Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from him.”
Psalms 127:3 NIV

Day 103: Duty, a Dip, and Date Night

Sun, 28 Jun 2020 01:30:00 -0600

After my morning coffee, Mr. FixIt was on the phone when I walked by, blew him a kiss, and went out to mow. It was pretty hot out there, but I have learned how to mow with one hand and hold a huge golf umbrella with the other. I have to wear a mask because of all the allergens that get stirred up, so it’s kind of stuffy and sticky out there. I’ve figured out how to hold the umbrella just right to catch any hint of a breeze which makes the chore so much easier.

I was just about finished with the two big fields when I saw my sweetheart come out and start with the push mower. He mowed around the areas I couldn’t reach with the big riding mower. Then he got the weed eater out and trimmed around the yard as I took up the push mower inside the fenced yard. I kept one eye on my work and the other to make sure Mr. FixIt didn’t overdo in the heat, but he did great. It was a good day.

He feels bad when he can’t do everything he did before, but he is gaining his strength and the confidence that comes with realizing he’s improving. I was talking with my cousin the other day. She asked how I was holding up. I told her I was doing great. I’m keeping really busy and that occupies my mind so it doesn’t go places it doesn’t need to go. Listen, I’d be lying if I said none of this has affected me. I would surely have loved having fifteen years of the fun stuff before we have to deal with the not so fun stuff of health issues. But, that’s not what happens in real life. Not when you marry at our age. The truth is, it doesn’t make a bit of difference if we were married a week or a year or two decades...you do what you need to do when circumstances change. It’s in the vows we took that day in our field...”to have and to hold, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, till death I do part.” It is our sworn duty.

My duty is to do the things Mr. FixIt can’t right now. Just as he would do if the roles were reversed. One can whine about it. Or one can put on the big girl panties and get the job done. It’s a choice. I always choose joy and love. I mowed, watered the garden, and tied up the tomato plants. Easy peasy.

When we were finished with the hot and dusty work in the yard, we took a refreshing dip in the pool. It’s times like that when I can totally justify the extra work and expense the pool entails. We cleaned and skimmed and walked around while we talked and enjoyed a perfectly beautiful evening. I swam up to my man and said,

“Hey...how would you like to buy me dinner?”

He lit up like a Christmas tree. We decided on Italian, placed our order, then drove to town. As we were picking up our food, the leaden skies opened up into a downpour. We drove across the river and found a lovely parking spot where we could watch the boat traffic. We had our picnic in the rain...inside the truck. It seems to do that every date night, but it doesn’t dampen our enthusiasm.

We got home just before dark and walked around a bit, checking out the garden and the fruit trees. We don’t have a single pear this year. There were late frosts this spring and that took care of any hopes of a bountiful harvest like last year. We have onions and zucchini and crook neck squash setting on and several tomatoes are showing. There are teeny, tiny peppers starting to grow and the pumpkin plants are vining. I love watching a garden grow and this year I’m actually going to be here to enjoy it.

We came in and I fed my sourdough starter in preparation for baking today. As I was settling in to write this, I thought...”How many times and how many ways can I tell them I’m mowing and baking bread?” Spoiler alert: Many, many times!

❤️

““But ask the animals, and they will teach you, or the birds in the sky, and they will tell you; or speak to the earth, and it will teach you, or let the fish in the sea inform you. Which of all these does not know that the hand of the Lord has done this? In his hand is the life of every creature and the breath of all mankind. Does not the ear test words as the tongue tastes food? Is not wisdom found among the aged? Does not long life bring understanding?”
Job 12:7-12 NIV

Day 95: A Really Grand Day

Sat, 20 Jun 2020 01:30:00 -0600

My daughter and her wife drove across Colorado yesterday to see her dad for Father’s Day. It always warms my heart when she does something with her dad.They have a special bond. Daughter #2 has changed a lot during the pandemic. We video chat, text, and call more often than we ever have. We both need that mother-daughter connection. We were talking the other day and I wanted to ask her to stop by to visit Mr. Virgo’s grave on her way through...but I forgot.

Mr. FixIt and I were running errands yesterday. We were standing in Walmart when a video chat request came through from my daughter.

“Mom? I wasn’t sure whether I should do this or not, but....here.” She turned the camera around and she was standing in front of Mr. Virgo’s grave! I caught my breath and put my hand on my heart.

“Oh, honey! Thank you SO much for going to see him! I’ve been thinking about him so much lately.” I was grinning ear to ear.

She had already cleaned up the grave and weeded the entire area around it. She made sure the rocks were neat and tidy in a circle around him. And she stayed for a while after we got off the phone so she could talk to him. They held a special bond, too. She is such a good person.

I had my appointment with the specialist at WVU yesterday. We need more testing to suss out what exactly is going on with my thyroid. It was my first experience with a video doctor’s visit and, I must say, I think I prefer it over being there in person. I had my notes and questions written down. The doctor was very patient and listened to me and we worked out a plan together.

We had to take this lawn tractor BACK to the shop again. Mr. FixIt set the emergency brake on it when we got it on the trailer. Then, when I drove it off, the brake handle fell off. I could feel what happened back in there, but I could not put the pin back in the hole to hold the handle in place. As it turns out, the service man had to remove the gas tank to get to the spot he needed. And now it’s fixed...again.

By the time we got home, we were famished. I made grilled cheese sandwiches with pepperoni on the sourdough bread I made over the weekend. I’m telling you...I hit the mother lode with this recipe! And now, here we are...another weekend. We don’t have to be anywhere till Tuesday and I am thrilled. Lots of pool time and baking in my future over the next few days. Still camping out in the field.

I am so incredibly blessed to have this life. When I saw Mr. Virgo’s grave through my daughter’s phone camera, I thought I could almost hear him saying...

“You’re doing a great job, babydoll!”

❤️

“Do everything in love.”
‭‭1 Corinthians‬ ‭16:14‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Day 93: My Love is Like a Red, Red Rose

Thu, 18 Jun 2020 01:30:00 -0600

In 1794, Robert Burns was working diligently to preserve traditional Scottish tunes for the future...the most famous of which is “Auld Lang Syne”. One of the songs he worked on was this:

“My Love is Like a Red, Red Rose”

O my Luve’s like a red, red rose
That’s newly sprung in june;
O my Luve’s like the melodie
That’s sweetly play’d in tune:

As fair art thou, my bonnie lass,
So deep in love am I;
And I will luve thee still, my dear,
Till a’ the seas gang dry;

Till a’ the seas gang dry, my dear,
And the rocks melt wi’ the sun;
I will luve thee still, my dear,
While the sands o’ life shall run.

And fare thee weel, my only Luve
And fare thee weel, a while!
And I will come again, my Luve,
Tho’ it were ten thousand mile.

Mr. Virgo used to work at the Hotel Colorado in Glenwood Springs. He was the Food and Beverage Director, and once a year, the Annual Robert Burns Dinner was held there. Think men in kilts, good single malts served in proper thick-bottomed scotch glasses, steaming haggis, neeps and tatties...all to the tunes of bagpipes. Oh, he loved that dinner....so steeped in tradition and manly things and cigars. The highlight of the evening is the recitation of Burns’s “To a Haggis”, during which the haggis is ceremoniously split open. Followed by lots of drinking and dancing and entertainment...all to celebrate the life of Scotland’s favorite son.

This was in January 2008. Mr. Virgo and I hadn’t been married a year yet. And then...just a couple of weeks later, the hotel went into receivership and budget cuts came hot and heavy. I soon came to learn, the Food and Beverage Director is a great job...till there are budget cuts. Then it’s one of the first to go. That sent us in a totally new direction and we moved shortly after to Pagosa Springs for a completely different adventure. So much has changed since that first married winter with a man now gone over seven years.

Here at the Ponderosa, where I share another newly married life with Mr. FixIt and a little black cat, there is a tiny rose bush that we are convinced will never survive another winter. I’m not good with plants as a rule, and this straggly looking thing is no exception. Mr. FixIt prunes it a little and dusts it for bugs and we leave it to its own devices. Then, just like clockwork, a single red, red rose bursts forth in all its glory...”newly sprung in June.” I cannot help but think back to another time and another place and another love. Not in sadness...not even with longing....but, with a smile from this bonnie lass, tho’ it were ten thousand mile...while the sands o’ life shall run.

I recently spoke with a woman newly widowed. She is not in a place where she can understand the full impact of what has happened to her yet. So, she certainly can’t see how the joy I promise she will one day feel again will ever be possible. It’s out there, though. It can’t be rushed. It’s like the red, red rose. One day you’ll walk outside and there will be a brilliant flash of color. Color the likes of which you haven’t seen for so long, you dared not hope to see it again. Yet here it is...right before your eyes. It is in that moment when you know...joy really WILL come again.

❤️

“So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.”
1 Corinthians 13:13 ESV

#Faith, #Hope, #Love

Day 92: Kindness Matters

Wed, 17 Jun 2020 01:30:00 -0600

My heart has taken such a beating in the last few weeks. Covid, killings, riots, politics, strokes...hokey smokes, it’s been crazy. Then, I go on Facebook to see the kids’ pictures and the violence is escalating. I went through my feed yesterday like a woman with her hair on fire. I’ve always been one to try to see both sides. And I find myself failing at that. I find myself sassing back and that is not the person I want to be. It is not the person God intended for me to be. So I went through my feed and if it stirred anger in me, I blocked posts from that site. That way, it won’t show up on my feed anymore when one of my friends share it on theirs. There were a few that I have tolerated unkind and flat out mean behaviors from and I just gave up and hit “Snooze for 30 Days”. I can’t do it. I won’t do it.

Kindness matters. The kindest thing I could do...for them or myself...was to back away. Let them rant on their own pages. Maybe they’ll still be there after 30 days. Maybe they won’t. Maybe the 30 days will pass and I’ll find I didn’t miss that particular contact in my life. You know, just because you were friends fifty or sixty years ago in school doesn’t mean you grew up to have the same ideals, the same values, the same goals. I love my friends, don’t get me wrong. But there are sometimes very good reasons you didn’t stay in touch all those years beyond the lack of social media.

I’ve reconnected with people from my past that wouldn’t give me the time of day in high school. We ran in different circles. We lived under different economic circumstances. Maybe they were really shy and I just thought they were stuck up. For whatever reason, there are some that I have become extraordinarily close to. And, on the opposite end of the spectrum, there are those I truly loved and when I met them as adults, they weren’t the kind, loving people I thought they were. Life is hard. It wears us down. I don’t know what traumas went on in people’s lives between then and now. I just know when something isn’t healthy and, all sentimentality aside, I don’t need that in my life. No one does.

The number of friends I have on social media is not the metage of my worth. Granted, I wasn’t the most popular girl in school so when Facebook first came out, I was pretty jazzed to find myself with so many “friends”. But, as my late Aunt Peeps said, I was talking to my “pretend friends” much of the time. There are different categories of friends and some are really nothing more than acquaintances. It’s ok to thin the herd a little when it is hurting you.

If it were not for this blog, I would probably have backed away from Facebook years ago. But now I have skin in the game. Now I have a calling from God to share my stories and life experiences because somewhere out there, others are going through tough things too and it helps a lot to know you aren’t alone. That someone out there “gets you”. I share what God presses on my heart. Sometimes he’s quiet and all I have to talk about is baking bread or a story from these West Virginia hills of my youth. Other times, like now...he tells me to speak about kindness.

It is SO incredibly easy to see all this chaos and think the world is all bad and it just isn’t. The media isn’t falling all over themselves to show you all the kind things. They’re out there...the kind people. And, if you can’t find one...

then BE one.

❤️

“Whoever despises his neighbor is a sinner, but blessed is he who is generous to the poor.”
Proverbs 14:21 ESV

#Kindness, #Generosity, #Love

Day 87: Harry’s Garden

Fri, 12 Jun 2020 01:30:00 -0600

In the middle of yet another busy day of appointments and trips to the pharmacy for yet another prescription, Mr. FixIt and I decided to go pay a visit to his good friend, Harry. Harry loves Atomic Fireballs. Addicted to them, really. So, every time we go to Sam’s, we get Harry a box of them. Harry doesn’t ask for much. He works hard. He lives a simple life. And...he’s a widower.

Harry lost Myrna a little over a year ago after a long struggle with cancer. She was his everything and we were worried for him. Mr. FixIt and Harry worked together for many years and they just bonded. They’ve bowled on the same team for decades. After being with me for the last three years, my sweetheart has a pretty good understanding of what it means to have your spouse die. I have to say...he touches my heart every time he reaches for those candies that Harry loves. Or, when he picks up the phone and says, as he is looking up the number, “I’d better check in on Harry and see how he’s doing.”

When we arrived, Harry came out with three lawn chairs and guided us to a cool shady spot alongside the modest house he shares with his son and two dogs. We caught up with each other’s latest news. He just got back from a visit with his young grandchildren...twins that Myrna was crazy over. The two men discussed the woes of broken down machinery when they compared lawn tractor sagas. Then Harry lit up.

“You wanna come see the garden?”

We walked around the corner of the house and there was this beautiful garden spread out before us. It was enough to make me catch my breath. Row after row of onions, lettuce, carrots, beets, beans, corn, tomatoes, and pumpkins...all neatly tended in a soft, sandy soil. Nothing like the dense, wet clay we have to deal with. Harry doesn’t live all that far from the Ohio River. His garden was once part of the riverbed.

He grabbed a couple grocery bags and stuffed them with onions and lettuce. I’ll make a wilted lettuce salad this evening. For those of you unfamiliar with the glories of wilted lettuce...you start with lots of well washed leaf lettuce, add some sliced green onions and set aside. Fry up some bacon. Crumble the bacon on top of the salad. When the bacon grease cools enough that it won’t spatter, add a little sugar, salt and pepper stirring well till the sugar dissolves then add a good splash of apple cider vinegar. Heat it up and stir to get all the crispy bacon bits off the pan, then pour over the salad and toss well. Eat it right away so that it’s wilted, but not soggy. Ohhhhh, heavenly days! This was the only “salad” I knew growing up and it brings happy memories every time I eat it.

We finally had to say our goodbyes and thanked Harry profusely for the fresh produce. As we drove home, I reached over and held my sweet husband’s hand. He is a good man with a kind heart and I am so proud of the kind of friend he is. He warms my heart.

❤️

“not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.”
Philippians 2:4 NIV

Day 73: Welcome to my World

Thu, 28 May 2020 01:30:00 -0600

Ever since I told you about Lehman’s Hardware a few weeks ago, I’ve been itching to make the two hour drive to go see it. I was all set to go today as it is supposed to rain, but last night I told Mr. FixIt I would rather stay home and enjoy the fruits of our labors this week. It took three days to do all the mowing...and that was three long days. I finally finished last evening but I wasn’t done yet.

I pruned some trees back along the fence, put away a lot of stuff that had gathered in the yard, got the pool pump plugged back in, and put the lawn chairs away for the night. I burned a couple of boxes in the fire pit and hauled the limbs to a place down by the creek and threw them over the hill. I could have worked for another hour, but I told Mr. FixIt, by that time I’d lost interest. He just chuckled.

West Virginia went from meat locker to microwave in about a week. Every day for the last several days has been up in the eighties and it’s been too hot to work for at least two to three hours in the late afternoons. The former Mrs. FixIt came out for a visit yesterday and we all sat socially distanced in the shade of the maple tree and visited for a couple of hours. When it was time for her to go, I felt like I did when I was a kid and the fun was about to be over. This social isolation is difficult.

After I was finished with the yard work, Mr. FixIt and I went for a ride through town and out a country road I’ve been wanting to explore. My friend Stacey lives a couple of miles out this lovely little lane and I’d never seen their new place. I wasn’t disappointed. They live on seventeen acres and have the most darling white farmhouse with a covered front porch. I knew when I came around the turn and saw the way the porch was decorated that I’d found the right place. It looked like something right out of Country Living Magazine.

We had a country visit. The kind where you drive by in your pickup, holler at someone out on the porch, then sit in the truck in the middle of the road and talk for half an hour. I was about to leave when Stacey asked if I’d like to have a jar of that Redbud Jelly she put up this spring. Oh, my...I said “Yes, please!” so fast it’d make your head spin! Since I’m staying home today, I’m going to try my hand at making sourdough English Muffins so I can have some with that lovely pale pink jelly!

I mentioned to Stacie as we left that I feel like I’ve been in prison and they’ve let us out on good behavior. But, they might send us back if we don’t mind our P’s and Q’s. I was thinking about this as I was mowing yesterday. I don’t know if I will ever be able to eat in a restaurant again without thinking about all the germs. I don’t know if I will ever relax in a plane or at the theater or a party the way I used to. What if people want to hug me? What if I feel comfortable enough to hug someone and they draw away from me?

The other day, we stopped to say hello to one of Mr. FixIt’s friends. Joe doesn’t socially isolate or wear masks and he came right up to Mr. FixIt’s window to chat with him. I immediately put my hand up and asked him nicely to back up some because we really cannot take any risks with my husband’s health after these strokes. He was respectful and backed away. There are others who do not. We stopped at the pool supply store Tuesday. There was a line of twenty people. Not all had masks. Not all were maintaining social distancing. I asked my sweetheart to stay in the truck while I got what we needed. The man behind me kept crowding in my space.

This is a different world. I have a feeling that things will loosen up again, but maybe not so much till we have a vaccine for Covid. I’ve been reading all the fuss about the vaccine and let me tell you something...Mr. FixIt and I will be the first in line to get it. I’ve lived through the polio era and seen the ravages of that disease. I’ve had vaccines regularly since I was a child and there’s nothing wrong with me. I don’t glow in the dark. I don’t have autism. My kids don’t have arms growing out of their foreheads. This one will be fine. It isn’t the “mark of the beast.”

I was interrupted writing by the weatherman’s prediction of two inches of rain tonight. Good thing I put Epsom salts around the tomatoes earlier in the evening so the rain can wash that down into the soil and hopefully perk them up. I also had to run outside and get the ladder and climb up to make sure the gutters were clear. (Mr. FixIt held the ladder for me. Those headlamps we bought ourselves for Christmas have sure come in handy around here.)

Whew! It’s always something!

❤️

“Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart. Then you will win favor and a good name in the sight of God and man.”
Proverbs 3:3-4 NIV

Day 72: Where Did My Leisure Time Go?

Wed, 27 May 2020 01:30:00 -0600

When Mr. FixIt had his first stroke in February, It was cold and we spent the next few weeks curled up in our respective recliners binge-watching the entire seven years of West Wing. I baked and cooked and tried out new things. We started mowing again in April, then he had his second stroke on May 16th. This time, there aren’t long days baking pies and watching good shows. Now there’s mowing and trying to keep up with the housework and garden and PT and doctor’s appointments. I don’t mind a bit doing whatever I need to do to help my sweetheart. I’d just like to have one kinda slow day.

Yesterday wasn’t it. I got bit by a deer fly on Sunday then got in that yucky pool to tighten the screws on the new skimmer. By yesterday, I had cellulitis on my arm and had to make a quick run to the local walk-in clinic to get antibiotics. As soon as I got home, I jumped on the tractor and mowed holding a huge golf umbrella over my head to ward off the sun. At 1:30, I had to jump back in the truck and get Mr. FixIt to PT then run errands, a quick take-out supper picnic in the shade of a tree then home to another socially distanced family visit.

I got to see my sweet little Boo...he’s ten months old now and he remembered me as soon as he saw me. (Well, he smiled really big and he probably smiles at everyone really big, but I prefer to think he remembers his Gigi.) My stepson tilled the garden for me again and hoed the tomatoes then we all sat around and talked till dark. It was so wonderful to see them all. I’ve missed visiting with my peeps.

I don’t know if I’ll get to go to Colorado this summer or not. I’m just having to play it by ear. I won’t leave Mr. FixIt at home by himself and I won’t do anything that puts us at risk for getting sick. This virus won’t last forever and we will be able to travel again. We just have to be patient.

The peonies are blooming. I love them! Grandma called them “pineys”...with a long “i”. Ours here on the Ponderosa are pale pink. Grandma’s are white. And, out at the cemetery, there are some deep magenta blooms. I was told yesterday you can split them to thin them out and share. I’ll do that in late summer when I thin out the irises.

When I’m busy like this, it’s hard to reach deep insights to share with you here. When I was riding the tractor yesterday and mowing the field, I had my headphones on and listened to my Christian playlist on my iPhone. Doing the most mundane thing can offer you profound closeness to God. When I am out mowing, I am being of service. The mowing needs doing and Mr. FixIt can’t do it right now. But I can...and it is humbling to serve someone you love. Ever circle around the field, I thanked God for the opportunity to serve in whatever capacity I can. And, isn’t that what we are here for? To love...deeply.

❤️

“Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.”
Ephesians 4:2-3 NIV

Day 68: Call Lowe’s...I’m Building an Ark!

Sat, 23 May 2020 01:30:00 -0600

Hokey Smokes! It has rained 20 inches so far this year in our neck of the woods. We waited all day yesterday to get enough warm sunshine to dry out the yard so we could mow one more time before my step-son comes to get his riding mower today. Mr. FixIt had physical therapy and we needed to find a couple things for the old tractor to work on it today. By the time we got back home, the skies opened up again and we were back to square one.

Hopefully today is a nice day and we can mow and be good for another week, at least. I mean...on the one hand, when it rains you don’t have to mow. But, on the other...the grass grows like crazy with all that wonderful moisture. It’s a Catch-22. We also need to take the push mower out to the farm and mow out there. And this time, Mr. FixIt can’t help. I’m definitely going to get back in shape with all this exercise!

I hate that I’m not spending as much time in the kitchen as I was. It’s so soothing to me to create good things that nourish my family...and our wounded spirits. We have nowhere to go this weekend...our people are coming to us to help with mowing and welding and fixing things that need fixing. I can spend some time in the kitchen and bake them some treats to take home. That will soothe my heart and bring me peace.

I’ve been thinking about my Aunt Peeps a lot this week. While she was a sophisticated woman with impeccable taste in fashion, she was a country girl at heart. She once told me, her main goal in life was to get a teaching degree and use it to make enough money to buy a farm in West Virginia. I don’t recall seeing her can and preserve food, but she was quite the cook. She didn’t quilt or sew, but she could work sunup to sundown with any man and give him a run for his money. She was an enigma. Tight as a drum with money, yet incredibly generous when she saw you were trying to improve yourself through education. She was your cheerleader if you were a hard worker. She deeply appreciated a good work ethic and had no patience for someone who she felt was lazy or “working the system.”

She and I didn’t always see eye to eye about things, and I talked WAY too much for her tastes, but...we had one thing in common and that was the love we felt for Grandma’s farm. She was born in Pekin, Illinois along with two of her siblings. Grandma and Pop-Pop were living there during the Depression where work was to be found. When they finally came back home, there were already four children. Two were born after they moved back to West Virginia. The Farm was where they grew up. It’s where I grew up, too.

My Uncle Bud came home to the farm last weekend to pick up some things that belonged to Aunt Peeps. He needed to find a picture of her for her obituary. I didn’t get to see him because that was the day Mr. FixIt came home from the hospital. I spoke with him this week and he was so pleased with how well we are caring for the family home. He said he was worried it would begin falling apart without someone living there full time, but I told him we go there often enough to breath life into the old place.

There are some things that are failing...like the big barn and the old tool shed. They are starting to lean and there’s termite damage. But overall, the place looks great for being nearly a hundred years old. I still yearn to go there often to just rock on the front porch and listen to the birds and the wind in the trees. Everything is aging...the old home place, the tractor, the Ponderosa...and us.

These are the things that went through my mind as I sat pretending to read while I watched my sweet husband having physical therapy. We’ve known each other since we were kids. But we’ve only been together a little over three years. We’ve both changed a lot in those three years. This marriage isn’t like the marriage of my youth...where time stretched before us like an endless summer vacation. This is the marriage where we get to wrap each other up in warm, comfy love and ride the long wave home. There’s no fooling ourselves. Oh, we aren’t at death’s door....but it is Autumn now. And, there is much comfort knowing I’ll be going through this with my best friend at my side.

❤️

“In all things I have shown you that by working hard in this way we must help the weak and remember the words of the Lord Jesus, how he himself said, ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.’”
Acts 20:35 ESV

Day 55: A Different Kind of Mother’s Day!

Sun, 10 May 2020 01:30:00 -0600

As I sat at my keyboard last night, I looked for pictures of my mom and thought of all the Mother’s Days we had together. Really...very few. Once I left home to seek my fortunes, I am not sure we ever got to see each other on Mother’s Day. I always came home in the summer months when the kids were off of school. But I always called her and sent her a card and flowers.

I keep my pictures of Mom in an album on my iPad marked “”Family”. That way, when I get lonesome for them, they’re all in one place. I thought of all the sad and sentimental things I could say about my mom and how much I miss her. But, the truth is...even though I miss her desperately right now...I would NEVER want her to have had to experience what’s going on in the world. All the anger and divisiveness and ugliness would have upset her greatly. She had such a tender heart. And this virus would have worried her to death. I am much more peaceful knowing she is with her family and with Jesus.

My eyes scanned the photos and lingered on my own children...from when they were littles to when they had littles of their own. These girls made me a mom. I wasn’t always very good at it. I made huge mistakes and it broke my heart that I let them down. So many years were lost to depression when I just couldn’t seem to connect with them as they needed. I’ve spent much of the last twenty years trying to fix that. Trying to be a better mom. Trying to create new and better memories.

Since I moved back to my home state, I have returned to Colorado every summer to see the girls and spend time with my grandchildren. Then, the pandemic hit and I am not at all sure I’ll get to go back this year. There was a time when I would have focused on that loss and that’s all I’d see. Things are different now. Now I see where God is taking this situation and turning it for good.

My girls and I have communicated more since the Stay at Home orders came out than we ever have. There are lots of phone calls and texts, sharing pictures, video chats. When I watch their Facebook feeds, I see them reaching back for THEIR comforting touchstones and I see myself there. In the raised bed gardens. In the baking and making and growing. In the phone calls asking for advice. It has warmed my heart.

In the last two months, during this lockdown, I have finally realized...I made a difference in my kids’ lives. The things I taught them, stuck with them. And now, they are using those gifts I gave them to comfort themselves and their families. This means more to me than any trinket they could give me. It doesn’t get much better than this.

Mr. FixIt told me last night he didn’t get me anything for Mother’s Day because shopping isn’t the same. And I told him not to buy me flowers. I smiled and said, “I have everything I need for Mother’s Day. I have a great big blended family that gives me great joy.” Besides, I’d rather have kitchen stuff than flowers that wither and die.

I hope you have a wonderful Mother’s Day. And if you are actively grieving, I hope you find some moments of peace and comfort with your memories of your loved one.

❤️

“Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come. She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: “Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all.””
Proverbs 31:25-29 ESV

#MothersDay, #Children, #Holiday

Day 35: I Miss Your Face

Mon, 20 Apr 2020 01:30:00 -0600

Absence makes us appreciate presence.

Like everyone else, we’re doing a lot of hanging out here at The Ponderosa. Mowing season has begun. We’re getting projects done and making plans for others. The few times we have ventured out have been masked forays into uncrowded stores for a quick purchase. We only have a few shops in the tiny town on the other side of the hill. Piggly Wiggly and Dollar General are the bigger ones.

I needed a couple things the other day so I stopped in the Dollar General. There was a woman shopping ahead of me. She was around my age. She wore a mask but she had it pulled down under her nose. The first thing I said to her was “Thank you so much for wearing a mask. It’s so important to help stop the spread of this disease.” Her eyes crinkled up from the smile hidden behind her mask.

“I don’t mean to pry,” I said. “But, did you by any chance work in medicine?”

“No I didn’t,” she said.

“I worked in the medical field for over forty years and I would never be presumptuous and tell someone what to do. However, your mask won’t help you if you don’t cover your nose.”

She quickly pulled it up. “Oh, I know...but it makes my glasses fog up and I can’t stand it.”

At the time, I didn’t have an answer for her. I knew there were ways to get around that, but I just couldn’t think off the top of my head. Since then, I found out one way is to fold up a tissue under the your glasses behind the mask. Some masks have a flexible wire at the top that molds it to your nose and that helps, but these homemade masks don’t have that. If you wash your glasses with soapy water leaves a thin film that reduces surface tension and the lenses won’t fog up. Mr. FixIt swears if you wash your glasses with shaving cream, they won’t fog up. I haven’t tried that yet.

I have a bit of a hearing loss and find I’m depending on reading lips a lot more than I thought I was. I’m having to ask people to repeat themselves more often since we are wearing masks. I also miss seeing people smile. It’s amazing how much nonverbal cues come through watching a person’s face.

Remember I told you the other day that I hadn’t cried since this all started? Well, last night my daughter called and we had a long, laughter-filled conversation. We told stories and reminisced about her childhood. It was leisurely and delightful. When we were saying our goodbyes, I heard her voice thicken with emotion.

“Mama, the other day I read that if they can’t come up with a vaccine that works, we might have to practice social distancing clear into 2022. I can’t stand the thought of not hugging you for that long!” (Note: I’m not saying a vaccine cures this. I’m not being political. I know we can’t stay in limbo like this forever. I’m just relaying what my daughter said she heard.)

My heart broke.

“Honey, I would find a way to hug you...no matter what. We could put a blanket between us and I could give you a big ol’ Mama hug!”

We said our goodbyes...and I hung up and cried.

It’s the first time I’ve shed tears since all this began. It wasn’t cleansing tears, either.

It just made me sad.

It’s ok to be saddened by all this. It’s hard to think about all the things...all the little things and the big things that we’re missing. We can’t get through this without feeling sadness. I’m combatting that with making lists of all the things I want to do when things open up. I’m looking for ways to serve others through this difficult time. And I look for the goodness of God in the world around me.

Not every day can be a happy day.

That’s ok.

❤️

“The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer, my God, my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. I call upon the Lord, who is worthy to be praised, and I am saved from my enemies.”
Psalm 18:2-3 ESV

Uncharted Territory

Tue, 25 Feb 2020 02:30:00 -0600

I often awaken to his hand on my shoulder. I covet this moment.

There is nothing like a health scare to shake you up....wake you up. After losing Mr. Virgo the way I did, my fear level Friday night isn’t surprising. But, now we’re here...we’re home...we’re processing. We’re walking on eggshells a little bit...feeling our way out on the ice to make sure it’s solid beneath us.

I’m trying not to be hyper-vigilant. Mr. FixIt is trying not to worry me. We both slept the deep sleep of exhaustion and relief on Sunday night. We had a very laid back day yesterday. We didn’t even get out of our jammies. We ate and slept and watched movies. We smiled and kissed and hugged a lot...because we can.

We’ll keep a low profile for another day or so. But then, it’s back in the saddle...albeit at a bit more slower pace. Look...we both have health issues. We aren’t 37 anymore. Waking up to that...getting our heads out of the sand...is important. It reminds us to be present in each moment. We don’t have the time to waste anymore.

Yes, we’re a little sad. And, we’re more than a little scared. But...we can’t walk on eggshells forever. We can’t stop living. We just have to be watchful and live our best lives. So, we made follow up appointments. And we looked at vacation rentals to extend our April beach trip by an extra week. Leaving him and going off on solo adventures might take me a while to get comfortable with. We’ll just have to see.

Like I said...it’s uncharted territory. Deeper conversations will come as to how we will navigate it. But for now, we are just resting easy and feeling ever so grateful that this wasn’t any worse. Mr. FixIt felt much better yesterday. Thank you all so much for your kind words of love and support and, of course, for your many heartfelt prayers. We appreciate them so much!

❤️

“This is the day that the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.”
Psalms 118:24 ESV

Seeking Comfort in an Uncomfortable World

Tue, 31 Dec 2019 02:30:00 -0600

“Travel brings me comfort in an uncomfortable world.”

Well, dear ones...this is it. The last day of the year. The last day of a decade. And oh...what a time it has been. At the beginning of it, I was happily married to Mr. Virgo...living in Denver and not much liking that part, except for being in close proximity to my children. Not that I got to see them much. I was very focused on my husband and didn’t see past the end of my nose. A major regret.

Three years into this decade, my life stopped when Mr. Virgo died unexpectedly...and I set out to create a new life with a new me. I sold the only home I had ever owned on my own. I made some bad decisions...but I’ve also made some good ones. I’ve driven tens of thousands of miles. I settled into and lived in the home of my heart on a beautiful farm that’s been in my family for nearly ninety years.

I’ve connected with some really wonderful people, and reconnected with people I’ve known for a lifetime. I’ve written hundreds of thousands of words as I poured out my grief and my heart and my love into the ether sphere. I married a man I initially set eyes on when I was six years old.

I gained people. And...I lost people I loved dearly.

I totaled a truck and escaped with nothing worse than a small brain bleed that left me struggling to remember things for a couple of years, which filled me with fear. This last year, things finally started to fire on all cylinders in my poor noggin and I feel more like myself than I have in a very long time.

I’ve aged a hundred years in some ways. I’ve gotten much younger in others.

I got a cat. Well...she got me.

I gained a huge extended family and I’m now not only a grandma....I am a GREAT grandma to two little ones with a third one due any day now. I am a GiGi, to be exact. A Mom and a mother-in-law and a Nana and a GiGi. A sister and a friend and a wife. How cool is that?

I went to Church Sunday night and Pastor Justin asked us to think about who we were before we were saved. In that moment, I realized THAT’S what has been hovering in the back of my mind as I contemplate the end of this decade. Because it was the beginning of the previous decade when my life very nearly came to an end.

I let myself cry as the music wafted over me, the Holy Spirit covering...filling me with his Love. My life has moments of demarcation with lines in the sand marking the points between “before” and “after”. The overdose. My mom’s death. Finding Jesus. Meeting, then losing, Mr. Virgo.

Finding ME.

Finding love again.

Marrying a wonderful man.

All while traveling. I get bored being in the same place too long. I need to seek new horizons from time to time. I need to get away and “blow off some stink” every once in a while. I need to recharge...away from everyone and everything I know. I need to go where no one knows me and rest in the anonymity that comes with the unfamiliar.

I get uncomfortable when I become too comfortable. When things start to get too predictable, I need to shake things up. I tried to count how many houses and apartments I’ve lived in during my lifetime and I lost track. I crave change. Thank goodness I’m married to a very understanding man. It makes me easier to live with, I think.

I don’t usually travel like I did this year...not since I was on the road with the camper after Mr. Virgo died. It was different this time. It was harder to be away from my sweetheart. Partly because I genuinely love being with him and partly because I’m older now and I have intimate experience with loss. Things have changed. There’s more to lose now. I’m not sure how much I’ll travel in the coming year...but I’m sure it won’t be quite like 2019.

We’re heading out tonight for a family bowling party to ring in the New Year. I can’t remember the last time I bowled. I can’t remember the last time I was out past 10:00! I have to remind myself...I’m only 66. There will be plenty of time to lay down when I’m dead and gone, right?

Maybe I can take a nap before we go.

Happy New Year, my dear ones! If you are struggling, may 2020 bring you peace, prosperity, and good health. You are so loved.

Thank you. Truly...thank you for being here all these years. I am eternally grateful for the connections I have made through this page.

Be blessed!

Ginny

❤️

“Sing to the Lord a new song; sing to the Lord, all the earth. Sing to the Lord, praise his name; proclaim his salvation day after day. Declare his glory among the nations, his marvelous deeds among all peoples.”

Psalms 96:1-3 NIV

“Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.”

Psalms 90:12 NIV

“In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps.”

Proverbs 16:9 NIV

Definition of a WV Holler

Fri, 13 Dec 2019 02:30:29 -0600

Grandma’s farm is at the mouth of a holler. No one lives back up the holler anymore.

It’s “Feel Good Friday” and I want to share something with you. We often talk about the hills of WV where my roots run deep. We talk about Grandma’s farm and the home of my heart. I tell you stories and memories that warm my soul and hopefully yours, as well. If you grew up like I did…you’ll be able to relate. And if you didn’t, you’ll be able to see how the luckiest of us were raised up.

I belong to several Appalachian pages on Facebook. I love the pictures and the stories as they stir up memories as old as the hills. When I read the writing of one of these hill folk and it particularly moves me, I simply must share. This piece was written about the hollers of Eastern Kentucky, but that’s not all that far from here and aptly describes our neck of the woods in WV, too. I hope you enjoy!

The Definition of an Eastern Kentucky Holler…..

Someone from outside my area recently asked me about our Eastern Kentucky hollers, and I have been thinking of how to best describe them to those not familiar with them. The simple answer is that a holler is a lane that follows a narrow valley between the hills. But if you’re from the hills of Eastern Kentucky, then you know there’s a lot more to a holler than that.

Most hollers are just dirt roads with a little gravel spread on them every now and then. They were never intended to carry heavy traffic. A holler is generally very sparsely populated because that’s the way we like it. We guard our privacy and we’re pretty wary of strangers. Often there’s not another house in sight of your house.

But we still know our neighbors. And when one needs help, then you help. If someone is sick in the holler, then you pitch in to help until they get back on their feet. If someone has a problem, then you listen. When someone claims you as a friend, then you’re loyal. And if you make a promise, then you’d better make good on it.

There aren’t any mansions In a holler. In fact, most houses in a holler are modest ones. And almost everyone has a barn, and a couple of other outbuildings. Some have chickens and cows and goats and a couple of horses. And they all have at least one dog that runs to the road and barks at every car that passes by.

Most people in a holler have a front porch. And they actually sit on it. They shell peas and string green beans and peel apples on the porch. And people stop by and sit on the porch with you. They laugh and talk and cuss a little bit about crooked politicians. And in the dusky evenings, they come with fiddles and flat top guitars and five-string banjos. And, good Lord in heaven…..what music they make! Sometimes the music drifts up and down the holler and it’s so pretty it just makes you want to cry! But instead of crying, you find yourself humming along to the lonesome strains of the Orange Blossom Special.

A lot of the houses in a holler have been occupied by several generations of the same family over the years. There is comfort in living in the house where your grandpa was born, or playing in the creek where your daddy used to swim. Something stirs down deep inside of you when you know you’re walking in the steps of your forefathers. And you never really feel alone as long as you know that your people lie buried on top of the hill that holds you so closely. Never underestimate the way that the hills cradle you. They will rock you to sleep at night, and awaken you in the morning with a happy heart and a joy in your soul.

If you live in a holler, you get recognition every day. And you’re never invisible. People always wave at you when they see you on your porch or in your yard. And if they don’t see you outside, then they will blow the horn when they drive by your house….just as a way of saying “howdy”. And if a few days pass and they don’t see you, then they’ll stop by to check on you. You can count on it. And you can count on them.

If your house is the first one as you turn up the holler….then you live at the mouth of the holler. If your house is the last one where the holler dead-ends…then you live at the head of the holler. And responsibilities fall to you according to where you live in the holler. For example, if you live at the mouth of the holler and you see a strange car that doesn’t belong to anyone you know and it’s heading up the holler, then you call the people who live above you and let them know that there’s a stranger headed up their way. That’s just common courtesy. If a vacuum cleaner salesman comes to your door, then call and let the others in the holler know so they’ll have time to let the big dogs out of the house before the salesman pulls into their driveway.

If anyone invites you to have a meal at their table…accept their offer quickly. And if it’s a house where an old woman runs the kitchen, get to the table just as fast as you can. And get ready to be amazed! Because if you live to be a hundred years old, you will never have a finer meal than one served up in an Eastern Kentucky holler.

There is a certain etiquette adhered to when you drive up or down the holler. If you meet another car in an extra narrow spot, then one of you has to back up to a wide spot so the other can pass. And when you are finally able to pass each other, you stop and roll the car window down and you talk until another car comes along and you have to move on.

If your neighbor slides out of the road in the winter snow, or if he gets stuck in the mud, then you try to push him out. If you’re unable to push him out, then you get your tractor out of the barn, attach a big chain, and pull him out. Again…it’s just common courtesy.

If someone in the neighborhood dies, you get to their house quickly with huge boxes of food. You make a pot of coffee. And then you make another one. And you stay beside your neighbor for as long as you’re needed. You don’t even have to say a word, you just have to be there.

There are other unwritten rules to holler-living. If a forest fire breaks out, you become a firefighter. And not just to save your own house, but to also save all the other houses in the holler. If the creeks start rising, you don’t leave anyone behind to face the muddy waters alone. And when storms come, and they will, you will find no better friends than the ones who are going through the same challenges that you’re facing.

There’s a lot more to be said about an Eastern Kentucky holler, but if I don’t tell you another thing, you need to know that a holler is more than a narrow isolated lane that runs between the hills. A holler takes you to the place where you have always been loved and where you’ll always be welcome. A holler takes you to the place where you can find comfort and peace and a sense of belonging. It takes you to your roots and to your family and to the truth of who you are. A holler takes you home.

Written by Roberta Stephens

January 4, 2017

In sweet memory of the hollers I have loved

❤️

“‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.””
Revelation 21:4 NIV

Love to the Rescue

Tue, 10 Dec 2019 02:30:55 -0600

“One of my besties! Deneene and her sidekick, Griffen the Grey, came for a visit. She’s good for what ails ya!”

I wrote in yesterday’s post about feeling “in the ditch”. I struggled for a few days with grief waves triggered by a traumatic loss in the family. Then, in swept my dear friend Deneene with lots of love and her trusty sidekick, Griffen the Grey. Griff is a nine month old French Bulldog who wriggled his way into my heart when we visited Deneene and her husband Mark in South Carolina this summer.

I had been greatly anticipating Deneene’s arrival for the last week and when she walk in the door, all the “holding it all in” released with her big bear hug. I had the gas stove in the family room fired up so it was nice and toasty. And I had the TV on with this really great ten hour YouTube fireplace video running in the background. We have a huge TV because the family room is huge. It used to be a two car garage, so if you want to read the fine print at the bottom of the screen, you need a big TV. When Deneene walked in, she said she could see the fire blazing from the road leading past our house. I was glad no one thought the house was on fire and called 911!

We didn’t stay up too late and talk because my friend is a new grandma and had just spent a week at her daughter’s helping out with the new baby. She was pretty tired so we said goodnight early. Deneene is not a real morning person, so when Mr. FixIt and I woke up at 8:30, I told him to be really quiet so as not to wake her. I forgot that puppies get their mommies up really early and she had been waiting for US to get up and keeping Griffen quiet.

When I heard them talking in the family room, I quickly dressed and went into the kitchen to cook breakfast. Scratch biscuits with homemade sausage gravy and eggs. OMGosh! It’s been forever since I fixed that and it was SO good. I made Paula Deen’s Cream Biscuits. They are love in the palm of your hand. Look up the recipe. Super easy! And sausage gravy couldn’t be easier to make than mine. Fry a pound of sausage till browned, sprinkle about a third of a cup of flour over it and stir till combined then slowly pour enough milk over it to loosed it up, adding more milk as it cooks, stopping when you get the right consistency.

As we sat and ooohed and ahhhed over the delicacy before us, we slathered butter and local orange blossom honey over the rest of the biscuits till there were just three left. I tucked them in a bag for Deneene to take with her to nibble on the road. Deneene raved over our hospitality and I told her it was the best B&B this side of the Mississippi…and it’s free!

We said our WV goodbye. She announced she should be leaving. We told another story. She said she really should get going. We hugged and talked about when we would get to see one another again. She gathered up her things. I made sure she didn’t forget her biscuits. We walked to the door. We hugged again and declared it had been too long since the last visit and we shouldn’t wait so long next time. She double checked if she had everything. I asked if she needed a bottle of water for the road. She picked up her bags and we had another long hug at the door. As she walked through, we noticed she had set down the biscuits when she put on her coat so we retrieved them for her. If it hadn’t have been raining, we would have walked her to her truck and the goodbye would have lasted another fifteen to twenty minutes. Thus is the nature of goodbyes in the country. It’s a goodbye full of love!

I called after her, “Don’t forget to text when you get there!” If it was dusk, I would have said, “Watch for deer!” That’s West Virginian for “I love you!”

Deneene honked from the road as she drove by and I waved madly from the front window. And she was gone. My friend whom I helped through her own grief had come and returned the favor. I felt so much better after her visit. I have a big deadline to meet this week so after Deneene left, I packed up and went to the farm where I turned the TV to the same fireplace video. I survived another wave and I’m on to the next thing. Such is the nature of grief. It just gets incorporated into life and you move forward. Thank you for your support yesterday. You have no idea what that means to me. I wish everyone who grieves had cheerleaders like you to support them through their journey.

❤️

“My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you.”
John 15:12 NIV

Bucket Lists & Miracles & Making Memories

Sun, 08 Dec 2019 02:30:31 -0600

“When being Santa is on your bucket list…”

This is the time of year where Christmas is around every corner. The twinkling lights and bustling shops, the carols and the wonderful aromas wafting from the kitchen…they all bring up memories. And, while there is a plethora of “warm-fuzzy” memories, there are also sad painful memories that show up with the turn of the calendar and the darkening of the days.

Christmas was Mr. Virgo’s very favorite holiday. When he worked at the Hotel Jerome in Aspen, he was asked to play Santa one year. You would have thought he was stepping on stage at the Met. He was thrilled…not only to play the role, but to grow out his beard. You often are not allowed to have facial hair when you work in Food & Beverage. This was a treat, all the way around. I know what joy that brought him.

One of my high school friends brought us some devastating news a while back. Her sweet brother, Ed Lowe, was diagnosed with cancer. When they did an in depth work up, they found out it had spread through his body. Ed is a pastor, and he knows where he will go when it is his time. He’s taking advantage of every treatment option and covets the prayers of anyone who will pray for a miracle with him.

With his typical optimism, Ed has set out to work on his bucket list. With Christmas fast approaching, he put his wish out there….to be Santa in our hometown Christmas Parade! Phone calls were made and before you knew it, Ed was being fitted for his Santa suit and got to ride down Market Street on a float…waving and smiling and throwing candy to the children lining the parade route.

These are the happy/sad stories we read about this time of year. This is a memory that will be cherished by so many people, no matter what the outcome of Ed’s health scare may be. I’m telling you this story because I love my friend, Janet. I love her fierce devotion to her brother. And, I am asking you to do something for us. Whenever you see Santa in the coming weeks, please send up a prayer for a special man of God who wants his own Christmas Miracle. Please pray for Ed Lowe…and all the others who need miracles, as well.

?❤️????❤️?

“Heal me, Lord, and I will be healed; save me and I will be saved, for you are the one I praise.”
Jeremiah 17:14 NIV

It’s Feel Good Friday

Fri, 06 Dec 2019 02:30:21 -0600

“Here’s a photo of my happy big brother. He makes this a true Feel Good Friday!”

Wednesday night, after leaving the funeral home in support of family who suffered a devastating loss, I came home to an empty house while Mr. FixIt ran errands in town. I cleaned up around the house a bit, snuggled the kitten and put her to bed, then padded down the hallway to our room. I got into my cozy jammies, climbed into bed, and prepared to write my post…as I do every night. Then my phone dinged.

I looked down and it was a text from Hubby #2. He was having dinner with my brother and sent me a picture. He does this whenever they go out and it makes my heart burst…for a number of different reasons. First, because I miss my brother and I only get to see him once a year now. He is my only blood sibling. I have two sibs of the heart…but my Bubby is the the best. He owns the biggest piece of real estate in my heart. It made me so happy to see that great big smile from this sweet, sweet man.

The second reason my heart exploded is…this picture was only possible because the man I was married to for twenty years thinks enough of my brother to make a point to take him out to dinner several times a year. There was a time in the throes of divorce that I truly mourned, not just for the loss of a marriage, but the loss of my friendship with #2. I was always hopeful we could develop that again, but it wasn’t until Mr. Virgo died what we set everything aside and called a truce. I’m so glad because it’s so much better for the kids and grandkids when you can get along. The fact that he takes my brother out for dinner and sends me the picture makes me proud of the personal growth we both have accomplished.

I’m always looking for good news stories to share with you all because there’s already so much bad stuff. We need something uplifting. A friend shared a cute little Christmas commercial with me last night so I decided I’m going to try to have “Feel Good Fridays” to give us all something joyful to take us into the weekend. Thanksgiving was so late this year that it’s giving us a shorter Christmas season. And…this is the time of year for all the feel good stories. After December, I’ll have to go hunting for them. But, hunting I shall gladly do. I hope you enjoy this sweet little story out of the UK.

https://www.cnn.com/2019/12/04/uk/heartwarming-christmas-advert-intl-scli-gbr/index.html?ofs=fbia

❤️

“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.”
2 Corinthians 1:3-4 NIV

Tuesday Truth: When You CAN...Step Away

Tue, 26 Nov 2019 02:30:07 -0600

“It’s OK to step away!”

Do you have trouble stepping away from toxic relationships? Do you find you are people pleasing yourself into a corner? Are you feeling pressed into doing traditional holiday things even though you would rather not? Or maybe you just can’t face your ____________ (insert relative/friend here) this year…or ANY year? Well, I’m going to do something here…pay very close attention.

Step away.

If you need “permission” then, here…I’m giving you permission.

Holidays can be especially difficult if you’re grieving. Or if you have underlying health issues. Or, you know…if you happen to be human. If you are over the age of consent, holidays can be much more painful than they are pleasurable.

For the last month, I’ve been really looking forward to going over to my cousin’s house for Thanksgiving. I don’t get to see her nearly often enough and this year it was for a very brief visit last month. I love to go and stay over a couple of days, but circumstances change. There are health issues with some of the older generation over there. Last year we left here early Thanksgiving morning, drove over, discovered my aunt had fallen and she and my uncle couldn’t attend dinner, so Mr. FixIt and I packed up a dinner for them and drove it to his house. This added another hour of driving…each way. Then, after our Thanksgiving meal back at my cousin’s house, we got in the tuck and drove home. It made for a very long day and was not relaxing nor fun even though it was great to see everyone.

When I returned on Halloween from the six week camping excursion with the rpod and discovered we had a new kitten, everything changed. Now there are no more impromptu trips and I am not up for a drive-by. I took the self-care approach and opted out. Now we can work hard to finish the back bathroom this week and get the sink, toilet, and shower stall out of our living room in time for our family gathering on Sunday.

Sometimes it’s a sibling. Or an aging parent. You may feel guilty for stepping away, but as I tell you so often, you cannot fill someone else with an empty cup. WE are no good to anyone, including ourselves, if we continue putting ourselves in situations that are toxic and abusive.

I know, I know…there are times when you may be the only one that person has. There may be situations where you are a caregiver and there IS no other option. If you feel stuck…it’s ok to look for options. It’s ok to step away and take care of yourself. It’s ok to stay home and eat a hotdog for Thanksgiving if that will give you more peace. Surround yourself with the people who love you and lift you up and celebrate you if that’s what you want to do. But…give yourself permission to stay home if you need to. It’s ok.

❤️

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”
1 Corinthians 13:4-7 NIV

Motivation Monday: Kindness Matters!

Mon, 25 Nov 2019 02:30:55 -0600

“Just be kind because…kindness matters!”

I miss Mr. Rogers. I want to go see the Tom Hanks movie while it’s in the theater because I need a giant dose of his goodness. I wonder what he would think of our “neighborhood” now? After a week of watching grown a$$ men on national television acting like petulant two years olds (and I’m not choosing sides here…there was all kinds of nasty all the way around)…kindness seems to have left the building.

But has it really gone away completely? Or is it just buried somewhere below the fold because, like sex, all forms of violence sells much more than kindness? I comb the news everyday for the feel-good stories….for the tales of heroes and shining stars. They’re out there…but man, you sure have to look hard for them.

Let’s look at some inspiring stories that happened this month. After a scheduling snafu at a Waffle House in Birmingham, Alabama left a young man all alone to man the entire restaurant, kind customers noticed what was happening and jumped in to do everything from wash dishes to wait tables and deliver food. No one made a big deal about it. They just got up and helped…no questions asked.

The manager of a New York Bagel shop got a frantic call from a customer. She left her car keys on the counter of the bagel shop. She had left her car running while she ran in to pick up her order and didn’t miss the keys till she was at her destination several hours away. At that point, she was unable to start her car. The shop manager jumped in his car, took the keys to the customer in Pennsylvania, then turned right around and drove back so he could open the store the next morning.

A man with no kids of his own paid off the lunch debt for every child in nine Florida schools.

A boss paid off his employee’s mortgage so the Vietnam vet could retire.

A hospital in Pittsburgh knitted little cardigans and dressed every baby like Mr. Rogers for World Kindness Day.

There are kind people out there. Please don’t let the nastiness we see color the way we see everyone. One of the most important things I learned from the hearings last week is this…Russia is very, very busy sowing seeds of discord in our country. They want neighbor to turn against neighbor. They are the ones sitting back in glee, watching our country self destruct.

I say we fight back. I say we stand up and say enough is enough. When I wasn’t spending every day at the farm anymore, I walked around the perimeter of the property with my grandma’s Bible and proclaimed to the enemy that he had no dominion there to protect the home and property. We can do the same thing for our homes, our cars, our property, our neighborhoods. We can proclaim our boundaries. We can reclaim our lives. We can salvage kindness, and it may not be easy.

Look for the helpers. Ask for discernment and watch out for the insidious encroachment of evil in our midst. Stop reacting to everything and ask yourself, “Is this information true? Where/who is it coming from?” I know you can’t put smoke back in a bottle, but we can sure try to raise the kindness titer in this world by spreading it in our own sphere of influence. There IS good…you just have to change your focus and look for it.

❤️

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,”
Galatians 5:22 NIV

Let the Preparations Begin!

Sat, 23 Nov 2019 02:30:00 -0600

“At the end of a dreary, grey day, the sun peeked through the clouds.”

We went to town yesterday to do “Phase 2” of the Thanksgiving shopping. I have a tip for you that will save you TONS of time if you’re shopping at Sam’s. Quite a few years ago, I downloaded the Sam’s app on my phone then never did anything with it. About two weeks ago, I was walking into Sam’s with my phone in my hand. I happened to look down and I had a notification that I was near the store. I clicked on it and the app opened and my Sam’s card popped up on the screen.

Our Sam’s has started checking your member card again upon entry so I just showed the lady my phone and she waved me through. No fishing around in my purse or rummaging through my wallet! I gave the app a cursory glance and saw the button for scanning your items. As I went through the store, I scanned each item before placing it in a box I had found by the front door.

When I was done shopping, I realized I didn’t have a debit card loaded so I sat down in a camp chair in the outdoor section and filled in my info. (I would suggest you do this at home and not out in the middle of everything like I did. Hindsight is 20/20.) Once all my info was in, all I had to do was slide my finger across the screen, my payment went through, and a QR code popped up as my receipt.

When we went shopping yesterday, I showed Mr. FixIt how to do the shopping in the app and it was so slick. No waiting in lines. It cuts your time in the store to a fraction and that suits me just fine.

One thing I will warn you about. When we came into Sam’s, there is always a long display of seasonal items to the left of the door. Yesterday, it was filled with holiday food items and the first display was pumpkin pies. Big…gorgeous…yummy looking pies. I haven’t had a pumpkin pie since last year and I was SO excited. I could hardly wait to get home and cut into it.

It. Was. Awful.

The filling was thick and pasty. The crust was undercooked and flavorless. And there was about twice the amount of pumpkin pie spice in it than was needed. I was SO disappointed. I think I’ll take it back today when I go to town to have coffee with the girls.

I really wanted to get a fresh turkey again this year. Our celebration won’t be until December 1st due to work schedules and the man in the meat department at Walmart said they probably wouldn’t have fresh turkeys that late. We bought a big frozen Butterball Turkey but I’m going to start thawing it WAY earlier than I did last year! I put it in the refrigerator a full five days before I needed it and it was still frozen solid the day before Thanksgiving.

Have any of you brined a turkey? Last year was only the second time I’ve done that and it makes the sweetest, most succulent turkey I’ve ever had. I only rinsed mine off before baking and I should have let is soak for a few hours in cold water to leach off some of the sodium from the brine because it was really salty. Keep that in mind if you decide to do that.

I finally ordered myself a Genuine Granite Ware turkey roaster this year. I got the big rectangular one that will hold up to a 25 pound bird. I haven’t had a Granite Ware roaster in decades. I don’t know what ever happened to my old one. Gone in the downsizing, I suppose. I’ve tried cooking a turkey about every way you can imagine. In a brown paper sack. In a plastic roasting bag. Covered with foil. Uncovered. In an electric roaster. And even deep fried. The best and easiest I have every made was in a Granite Ware roaster, just like my grandma’s.

Granite Ware Covered Rectangular Roaster, 19.5 x 12.88 x 7 Inches - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B000050AVD/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_tai_3jj2DbRY14ZRX

Sometimes, you just have to go back to your roots.

❤️

“Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil.”

Ephesians 5:15-16 NIV

#Thanksgiving, #Turkey, #GraniteWare

Story Update: Little Gwen

Wed, 20 Nov 2019 02:30:01 -0600

“We’ve been following Little Gwen since she was born with Arthrogryposis. Look…she’s standing!!!”

Last year I wrote about little Gwen. Her grandma is my friend, Jody who graduated with Daughter #1. Gwen was born with Arthrogryposis. I posted a picture of her back then with her little twisted legs and hands. One knee bent completely backwards and her foot sat in front of her face. Her jaw is severely recessed and because of that, her swallowing is restricted. She has had a feeding tube ever since she was a newborn.

God knew what He was doing when He brought Gwen to her family. I can’t imagine any family any better equipped to handle the severe challenges that lay in front of them. They stand up and deliver the very best for Gwen and are her true champions.

Gwen has had more than her share of setbacks in her short life with frequent hospitalizations. In spite of the Arthrogryposis, she has come further than anyone could have imagined. She has the best medical team around and has made great strides.

Her legs are straight now but she still wears braces to help keep them growing right. Her little feet aren’t moving with the braces like they had hoped so she may need to have surgery to fix them. These are difficult decisions for young parents to make. This surgery may help her feet move into a better position. However, it can also condemn her to wearing braces on her legs the rest of her life. That’s a lot to consider. It isn’t an emergency, so Mom and Dad are getting a second opinion.

I wanted to share Gwen’s most recent photo. This picture just warmed my heart. Look at her standing up! I’m so happy for her and her family. They’ve worked so hard to see every little milestone. I know they get discouraged from time to time, but they are the first to get right back up and encourage Gwennie to be her best little self…no matter what life brings her way!

Won’t you join me in lifting Gwen and her family up in prayer? Pray that they find the perfect solution for her little feet. Pray that her body gets strong and that illness stays away from her. Pray for strength and courage, joy and peace for her and her entire family. They are a faith-filled family and know where their every blessing comes from. Praises for her accomplishments.

We love you, little Gwen! Keep up the good work and remember, God is with you always!

❤️

“Then Jesus said to his host, “When you give a luncheon or dinner, do not invite your friends, your brothers or sisters, your relatives, or your rich neighbors; if you do, they may invite you back and so you will be repaid. But when you give a banquet, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, the blind, and you will be blessed. Although they cannot repay you, you will be repaid at the resurrection of the righteous.””
Luke 14:12-14 NIV

Date Night at Rural King

Fri, 15 Nov 2019 02:30:39 -0600

“What a beautiful night for a date at Rural King…my favorite farm store!”

A couple of days ago, Mr. FixIt needed to go into town to get a special drill bit. He’s back to working on our master bath! We have to fit in home jobs when the grass isn’t growing and he’s finished with all the outside jobs he does. When the weather turned cold, I came in off the road from my camping tour and we set to doing the things around here that have been put on hold.

The big outside job Mr. FixIt has been working on is the huge covered front porch he built on the front of his ex-wife’s house. One of my bonus granddaughters told me there are people who don’t understand how I’m ok with that. Well, first off…she’s paying him, so it’s a job. But, beyond that, why on earth would I, or SHOULD I be upset by that?

She is the mother of his children. They share grandchildren and great grandchildren. She’s a wonderful person and I just love her. Our granddaughter told the person she was talking to that she thinks it’s awesome that we all get along and talk to each other. It makes it so much easier for the family if they aren’t being torn by split loyalties. Couples may divorce. But you don’t divorce your family. And as far as I’m concerned, we are all family.

Anyway, he’s finished with all but just a little touch up over there and that has to wait till spring for good weather. And now we’re focused on getting things done at home. That prompted the trip to town. He asked if I wanted to ride along with him. Listen, this man knows me. He didn’t have to ask twice to get me to go to Rural King and Lowe’s.

I love home improvement stores and farm stores. I needed to get a heated water dish for the kitten just to make sure she always has fresh water available. Rural King has them…AND free popcorn! As we came out of the store, the entire sky was bright pink all the way around us. It was like being inside a big pink bubble. I love the sunsets at this time of year. They seem to be so vibrant. After the fun stops, we went to our favorite pizza place…Pete’s Pizza. Honestly…the best pizza I think I have ever had comes out of this little family owned restaurant in Mineral Wells, WV.

I went to the farm yesterday to make sure all is well. I unplugged the pump in case the gas should go off and a pipe should freeze and burst. Wouldn’t want to flood the basement and burn out the pump. This cold spell has kept the Asian Lady Beetles at bay and I only swept up about a half a cup of them this time. I still haven’t been brave enough to go upstairs to look.

When I went into the cellar house to unplug the pump, I saw there was a lot of white, hairy mold growing on the wood of the old potato bin. The cellar house is no longer water tight so it’s always damp in there. Next summer, when we have a dry spell, we need to open up that door and air it out. I also need to spray the mold with a bleach solution, I think. I will do some research on that. It isn’t the black mold that is so toxic. Maybe I’ll take the dehumidifier from the bathroom and put it out there for the winter. That would solve two problems. First, it would decrease the humidity. But a dehumidifier also puts off a fair amount of heat…enough to keep the pipes on the pump from freezing when we get a REALLY cold snap.

When you live in the country, and you have an endless list of chores that need doing, you have to find your date nights where you can get them. Mr. FixIt is a lucky man…I like hardware, power tools…and pizza!

❤️

“The Lord will send a blessing on your barns and on everything you put your hand to. The Lord your God will bless you in the land he is giving you.”
Deuteronomy 28:8 NIV

Shelves of Memories

Tue, 12 Nov 2019 02:30:47 -0600

“The antique jelly cupboard from the farm now houses my quilts.”

When I showed you my beautiful jelly cupboard that I recently moved from the farm, many of you asked to see it when I had the quilts inside. As I sat working in the living room at the Ponderosa yesterday afternoon, the warm sunshine streaming through the big windows made its way to the cupboard. The shelves sat empty and glaring at me. I set my work aside and went on the hunt for my quilts. They have been put away since the wedding a year ago and it was about time they were brought out for all to see.

I am of the mindset not to “save the good china”. I want what few antiques I have curated to be displayed and used in my everyday life. Part of this is because my kids more than likely will not be interested in them. And partly because one of the lessons Mr. Virgo unwittingly taught me was…life is short. Use the crystal and the quilts.

When the unfortunate parting of the ways came on Christmas of 2014, just ten weeks after I arrived to help my Aunt Peeps, I didn’t know what to do with the cherished items I brought from Colorado. Five thousand pounds of stuff I didn’t believe I could part with became an albatross around my neck. I couldn’t leave it at the farm and I couldn’t take it with me on the road. My good friend, Steve, let me store a lot of it in his basement. And I decided many of the most cherished family keepsakes should go live with my cousin, Tammy. That way I can visit them and she can enjoy them.

My quilts were one of the things I simply could not part with and I carefully stored them away for the perfect way to display them again. Once they were safely tucked on the aged bittersweet colored shelves of the jelly cupboard, I sat back to observe my handiwork. I realized something heartwarming.

For the last few years, I have been dreading the day when I can no longer visit or spend time in Grandma’s old red farmhouse. That day will come…when, I don’t know. But if there’s one thing I’ve learned in my life, it is that change is the only thing we can count on in this earthy plane. As I sat and looked at the worn wood the color of a caramel apple, I realized I could feel the farmhouse. I could see the hump in the floor where it’s settled over the years. The old faded linoleum that made cleaning much easier. I could hear the squeak of the stairs and the way the spring squeals when the screen door slams. I could see the boxes of Wheaties that Pop-Pop kept on the top of the cupboard for his dessert after supper. I could hear the faint sound the doors made when I reached in as a little girl…taking the mishmash collection of dishes out to set the table or putting them back in after hand washing and drying.

In that moment I realized that, even though the house may someday be inaccessible to me, this jelly cupboard is the heart of what is left of the beautiful childhood memories created within the crooked walls of a crooked little house in West Virginia. And…it is mine. Combining households with Mr. FixIt has definitely expanded our “footprint”, however…we each have things that are our personal possessions. While I don’t believe I will ever accumulate “stuff” like I did before Mr. Virgo died, what I do have will be things that are beautiful, useful, and that bring me joy.

❤️

“That precious memory triggers another...”
2 Timothy 1:5-7 MSG

And So...It Begins

Thu, 07 Nov 2019 02:30:17 -0600

“One week. Two vet visits. Still in love!”

The tale of the little black kitten continues. If you’ve been following along, Mr. FixIt broke the news to me gently over breakfast last week that he’d been seeing another woman. Young, sleek, athletic, this raven-haired beauty had stolen his heart when I so ruthlessly left him to his own devices at the Ponderosa. At first, I was stunned that he could so blithely betray me in such a way. And without even a touch of remorse, too! Humph!!!

Then, just a few hours later, I met her myself. I was determined to not like her. I didn’t WANT her in my life. I liked things just the way they were, thank you very much. But, as I was unhooking the camper, Mr. FixIt stole away to find his little lady-friend and bring her ‘round to meet me. She ran to me with wild abandon and every shred of resolve I had to NOT like her dissolved on the spot.

And…we were cat owners. Well…as much as you can actually OWN a cat.

I took the kitten, now appropriately named Pumpkin to fit in with the whole black-cat-on-Halloween vibe, to the vet on Tuesday for her first shots and a thorough exam. She has obviously been handled by people because she isn’t in the least bit worried about anything. After the initial “get me out of this box” dance in the cat carrier, she settled in quite easily. Everyone at the vet’s office remarked how incredibly laid back this kitten is.

She weighs a little over four pounds. Healthy and sleek. Her lab tests showed she does not have feline leukemia nor does she have intestinal parasites. They figured she is around three months old. They gave her the appropriate vaccines and sent us on our way. In two minutes, she was asleep in the carrier and slept all the way home.

I fed her some kitten food, she demonstrated her excellent litter box skills (I didn’t have to train her, by the way) and readily went inside her nice warm kitty condo in the pole building for a well deserved snooze. I came out to check on her a couple of times and each time, she was more and more lethargic.

I called the vet’s office and they said kittens can get reactions like our own babies did when they got their shots and she should be fine, just to watch her. Well, yesterday morning she was even worse. She wouldn’t purr, and when I turned her over in my arms for a cuddle, she cried pitifully and tried to nip at me. I knew this wasn’t right so I called the vet again. They asked me to bring her in for a look.

Turned out, she was running quite a fever. They needed to give her fluids subcutaneously and a dose of an anti inflammatory to get her fever down. I took her home afterward and by evening she was much, much improved.

One of my dearest friends is quite the cat person, so I was sharing all the details with her yesterday. Diane knows me well. I could just see the look on her face as she read about the “first real emergency”. I think eye-rolling might have been involved just before the “lol”. I’m a bit of a princess. Maybe ever so slightly “high needs”. I think it’s only fitting that God sends me a kitten to love who is, perhaps, a “Delicate Flower 2.0”, as Diane put it.

Kismet. Karma. God has a sense of humor.

The thing is, I haven’t loved an animal for a long time. Oh, we had Cricket…Mr. Virgo’s little Yorkie-Maltese mix who was already ten years old when we met. Cricket was hard to be head over heels in love with. She barked incessantly and did her business anywhere she darn well pleased in my house. She did not like my grandchildren because she did not understand what these little aliens were. I loved her because she was one of God’s creatures, and because she was Mr. Virgo’s. I loved Old Mama Kitty, but I couldn’t pick her up and hold her. I loved my black lab, Sidney. And then there was that dog of my heart, Boofer…oh, I was crushed when she had to be put down with a brain tumor at only seven.

No, I had closed off my heart to pets. I swore I would never go down this road again. Then, this little ball of fur came bounding into my arms and something opened up in my chest that I didn’t even realize was closed. Something all soft and sweet and vibrant, like the purring of a thousand kittens, vibrated in my heart and I became just a little bit more…alive.

❤️

“The righteous care for the needs of their animals, but the kindest acts of the wicked are cruel.”
Proverbs 12:10 NIV

Meet.....Pumpkin, the Kitten!

Sat, 02 Nov 2019 01:30:07 -0600

“Kitty has an appropriate Halloween name…Pumpkin!”

I hit the ground running yesterday. The first order of business was to haul the camper to the nearest dump station…a lovely fifty-four mile round trip drive out to and up the interstate and back. When I woke up at 8:00, it was a whopping 36 degrees. Two hours later, when I was finally hooked up and ready to go, it was all the way up to 37! Ohhhhh, I really wasn’t looking forward to that, but it had to be done. Last night’s overnight low was predicted to get down to 27 and stay there for four hours. That’s when you get freezing and possible damage to water lines in a camper.

The only way I have ever winterized a camper was to run pink RV antifreeze through the lines. But this camper is different. I looked it up on YouTube and it said to open the drains, dump the tanks, pour some antifreeze in the wastewater tanks to keep any residual from freezing, and take out the element in the hot water heater. Then, you go around and turn on each faucet, one at a time, and turn on the water pump. Any residual water left inside should drain out through the low water drain. It worked like a charm! But, man…I was chilled to the bone when I was done.

I pulled the camper back home and unhooked, fully expecting to head back to town and run errands on my list that’s a mile long. As I sat in the truck, I took inventory. Have you ever had to sit yourself down and give yourself a stern talking to? Well, that was me yesterday. I was feeling overwhelmed by the expectations I was placing on myself. No one else was telling, or even asking, me to get everything done. I counted up what I had already accomplished. I looked at the list to see what I could do alone, and what I would need Mr. FixIt’s help with. I checked off the list of phone calls I had already made. Then I took a physical inventory. My shoulders and neck were so tense and tight, I was getting a headache. My body was just…tired. So…I gave myself permission to kick back for the rest of the day.

I got out of the truck and the little black kitten came running and rubbed against my legs. I reached down and picked it up and really gave it a good once-over. Well, except for checking the nether regions. It still just didn’t occur to me to look. I was more interested in testing the kitten’s demeanor. One of the tests you do with puppies is to cradle them in your arm on their backs to see if they trust you. An alpha won’t have anything to do with that. And that may be a more stubborn, if not aggressive, animal. I didn’t know if it worked with cats, but this little baby let me roll it over and snuggle and scratch it all over. It purred like an Evinrude motor on a power boat. It head butts you to snuggle face to face and taps you very gently on the face. What a precious baby!

I held it up to look face to face.

“What is your name, little one? Hmmm? Is it…Spooky? You’re a black little who came to me on Halloween. It should be a festive name to commemorate the holiday. How about Snickers? You’re pretty sweet, and that’s my favorite Halloween candy. Someone suggested Ash or Asher, but I don’t know whether you’re a boy or girl. They thought Boo was cute, but that’s what we call our little Boone, now isn’t it.”

By this time, I was at the bay doors on the pole building. There is an old kitchen stool there and Mr. FixIt put a couple of our pumpkins on it. I plopped the kitten down and took a picture. I looked up from the camera app on my iPhone and smiled.

“Pumpkin! THAT’S your name, isn’t it?!?! I knew if I listened close enough, you’d tell me, you sweet little snuggle-bug.” I picked up the kitty and was again serenade with that mystical sound of purring. Now that the kitten has a name, Pumpkin just rolls off my tongue. So sweet, so simple. Such simple pleasures found in a sweet kitten. I had forgotten. The last time I had a kitten this size, I was in 9th grade and I talked my mom into letting me have a little orange marmalade kitten from my friend Sharon’s cat.

I gave the kitten a little more snuggle time and then went in to stretch out and read till Mr. FixIt came home. My nose was running like a sugar tree from handling the cat, but I wasn’t wheezing. That was a good sign. I washed my hands well, and was careful not to touch my face or eyes. I’m definitely allergic, but we’ll see how much of this I can get away with. Because this feels like something I didn’t even know I needed. Kittens are good medicine.

I have an appointment Tuesday for a checkup and shots. We’ll see how old Pumpkin is and when we can get him/her fixed. Today I will fix a winter box with a pet safe heating pad in it. I had those for the cats out at the farm. I’ll also get a heated water dish. The kitten seems to really like the safety of the building. We won’t have any mice in there anymore once this one gets big enough to catch them. And, there isn’t any poison in there. It’s a good, clean, safe place to sleep all cozy warm in a kitty condo. When we are home, the kitten is glued to us so…I think we’ve got this!

Oh, and I slept in the house for the first time in a month last night. I feel like I’m in prison after the freedom of the road. It’ll take time to acclimate, but last night’s low of 27 drove me back inside. In the meantime, I am filled with wonderful memories of the latest “Great Adventure”!

❤️

“You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace; the mountains and hills will burst into song before you, and all the trees of the field will clap their hands.”
Isaiah 55:12 NIV

Re-Entry Begins!

Fri, 01 Nov 2019 01:30:08 -0600

“And, just like that…two became three.”

It was a very long day yesterday. I ended up pulling the camper myself with my truck and it did fine. Mr. FixIt is pretty sure the problem was a rock in the brakes. We’ll get it checked before we head anywhere with it. That was a big relief.

The weather yesterday was terrible driving home. We came through some torrential rain and as soon as we got home, the weather channel gave a tornado warning from the same storm. There are thousands without power from the wind. It seems I got home just in time for some wintery weather. I’ll have to winterize the camper after all…something I was hoping to avoid by heading south. We’ll still get there, but there’s quite a lot of work that needs to be done here at the Ponderosa before we can leave. The cold weather just caught up with me, I’m afraid.

As I’m writing this, I am home and snuggled in bed…in the camper! I can’t give it up yet. Re-entry has always been a problem for me. I love sleeping in a camper and this camper is especially comfortable. So, we’ll try a little cold weather camping this week and see how she does. After all, we’re out on five acres…it’s like our own little campground!

Another little thing happened yesterday. My world shifted. Mr. FixIt sat me down after breakfast yesterday and told me he had something to tell me. Oh, what woman wants to hear THAT? It seems, that while I was gone Mr. FixIt has been keeping company with someone else…a little black kitten that someone dumped at the Ponderosa. He’s been feeding it. Honestly, I didn’t know what to say. I’ve been determined to never have another pet. Then, when I got out of my truck at the house, this little black fur ball came running to me like it had been waiting its whole little life for ME! I’ve never seen such a friendly cat and my heart melted.

And, like that…two became three.

We have a cat!

❤️

“There is no fear in love...”
1 John 4:18 NIV

Rounding Out October

Mon, 28 Oct 2019 01:30:32 -0600

“Bluestone Lake is gorgeous this time of year.”

Today is moving day so that means I get to tell you where I have been the last few days. I arrived at Pipestem Resort State Park on Thursday. I’ve been here before, but never camping. There’s a tram that takes you down in the canyon to the lower lodge that sits on the Bluestone River. There is a restaurant, gift shop, and artisan center on the canyon rim at the top of the tram. There is an equestrian center, golf course, pool, recreation center, nature center and a main lodge with every amenity you could want.

The campground is large. The interior sites have full hookups and are pretty close together. The sites around the perimeter are roomier and of course they back up to woods. There is a very large camping area with no hookups. I was told there is a major upgrade coming adding more service sites and leveling them out…something that is sorely needed.

The weather has been typical WV autumn…unpredictable. Yesterday dawned sunny and clear but within an hour we were socked in with clouds. Then, by 3:00, it was sunny again clear through sunset. The foliage is still beautiful but is definitely past the peak of color. This happens where we get cold, rain, and wind…which we had last night.

I drove over to Bluestone State Park yesterday. There is a large dam on the Bluestone River which has created a large lake. The park is smaller, less developed, and more remote then Pipestem which is less than ten miles away. There is one main campground with a few full service sites and electric only sites. There is a more primitive and rustic campground on up the road. The primitive campground sits right on the lake and is popular for fishing.

One thing I thought was pretty cool. There is a campground on the far side of the lake that is accessible only by boat. Each campsite has it’s own dock. That would be a lot of fun, I would think. There is more wildlife activity at the Bluestone Campsites because they are less densely populated. Bears, fox, and bobcats frequent the area as well as more common deer, raccoon, possum, skunks and squirrels. There are occasional sightings of otters and mink.

Bluestone State Park has a large number of cabins spread around on a wooded hilltop. One of the cabins sits beside a very old cemetery that has been there long before the park came to be. I couldn’t find anyone who knew the history of the grave sites so I will have to do some research on my own.

Again, there are so many amazing photos from this weekend but I am limited to what I can send over two bars of cell service. I’m planning on creating a video of this month’s circuit of the stunning State Parks of West Virginia. I’m afraid you’ll have to wait for that or see the photos as I have the opportunity to upload them.

Today I head to the last park on my WV Fall Foliage Tour…Chasing the Sun. I’m supposed to camp there till Friday, but I’ve decided to cut it short just a little so I can go home for a few days before I head south. Well, actually…before WE head south. I’ve talked Mr. FixIt into doing the southern circuit with me!!! Bless his heart…he has been awfully patient having his wife galavanting around the countryside. I need to get back and help him with a few chores and get a few things done to be better prepared for more camping.

❤️

“The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband.”
1 Corinthians 7:3 NIV

Waiting for Home

Sun, 20 Oct 2019 01:30:07 -0600

“The house I wanted for a B&B in Elkins…it always makes me wonder…what if?”

I’m not kidding when I say I spent just about every moment of the forty years I lived in Colorado waiting for the day I could move back home. Oh, there was a stretch of time when I was young and cocky and I thought I knew better than those “old fogeys” back home who were SO out of touch. Little did I know I would give my right arm to return to my roots one day.

I had the opportunity to come home when Hubby #1 and I split up, but I turned it down. My daughter was about three years old at the time, and I wanted her to have broader horizons than I had growing up so I elected to stay in Denver where I had no family support and a relatively small social circle.

When I was married to Hubby #2, there was some talk about going back home, but he is a Colorado boy, born and bred. You just don’t take them out of that climate and plop them down in humidity. I remember dreaming at night that if anything happened to him, I’d hightail it home as fast as I could.

Then, Mr. Virgo came along. He was my best bet to get back because he was born and raised in South Philly. But he had tried his whole life to get back to Colorado, which he adored, so I knew there was a very slim chance we’d actually move back to West Virginia. However, I did get him to discuss the possibilities of owning a B&B somewhere back here.

I’ll never forget those days when we would do internet searches for B&B’s for sale. We found a big house in the historic district of Parkersburg that was a real possibility. But the one I had my heart set on was actually here in Elkins, WV. It was right across the road from the back side of the Davis & Elkins campus. It had seven bedrooms and five full baths with a large commercial kitchen. I was in love!

Mr. Virgo? Not so much. This is where the wheat was separated from the chaff and I realized it was never gonna happen. He had put his roots down in Colorado and there would be no budging that man. Now, every time I am near here, I have to drive past “my B&B”. I have no idea who bought it. It doesn’t look as though it has been turned back into the B&B it was many years ago. When I see it, I am reminded that we don’t work on our time. We work on God’s time. And it wasn’t time for me to be here back then.

I do have an affinity for this little town though. Mostly because of the college and the Augusta Heritage Center which works to preserve the old timey ways of our ancestors. I was thrilled to spend the afternoon with “my people”…folks who obviously love their heritage as much as I do. I’ve seen some beautiful places on this trip already. But I think this stop has been my favorite so far. I just wish Mr. FixIt could have been with me. He would have enjoyed this so much.

❤️

“And you shall remember the whole way that the Lord your God has led you these forty years in the wilderness, that he might humble you, testing you to know what was in your heart, whether you would keep his commandments or not.”
Deuteronomy 8:2 ESV

Setting up the “Spare Room”

Sat, 05 Oct 2019 01:30:44 -0600

“Converting the sofa to a spare bed in the RPod 196!”

I’m Back!!! Mr. FixIt and I had a wonderful time camping together and the little break was just what I needed to recharge. There’s nothing like being in the woods in a little camper. Losing Mr. Virgo taught me to really appreciate every moment and this week has been grand!

On Monday, we checked into Tomlinson Run State Park in the tippy top of the Northern Panhandle of West Virginia. The drive up was lovely as we followed the Ohio River on Rt. 7. Mr. FixIt drove separately and followed along behind me. We got to our campsite by mid-afternoon and unhooked. It’s a lovely campground, located on top of a hill and densely wooded. The sites are all nicely spaced apart from each other. We had electric but no water. That’s not a problem, really. You just use the water you carry with you in your fresh water tanks. We rode our bikes around the campground, we cooked outside, and we spent as much time as we could sitting out looking at the stars.

We left Tomlinson Run on Wednesday and headed to Beaver Creek to meet up with the Girl Campers. Mr. FixIt loves to hang out with the girls and they really enjoy him as well. We had fires in the Solo Stove which is wonderful…so much less smoke than a conventional campfire but still enough that you feel as though you had the camping experience. We had some rain here Wednesday night. Quite a bit actually.

Mr. Fixit left yesterday mid-day to head home. My friend Diane joined me last night. Diane graduated from high school with me but we didn’t know each other back then. She and I didn’t really become good friends till I moved to the family farm in West Virginia in 2014…the year after Mr. Virgo died. I needed to find someone who could help me unload a truck so I called her to get a recommendation. We became fast friends after that.

I tried to get her to camp with me several years ago, but Motel 8 is roughing it to Diane. Then, when she found out I was taking the RPod out for a road test, she texted me with a bombshell. She wanted to come camping with me! She knew I’d be writing about my camping experiences and wanted to offer her services as “blog fodder”. “Camping with the Non-Camper!” Brilliant! This could either be really, really good…or really, really bad. I’m happy to report that, so far, she seems to be having a grand time! She fits right in with these great gals.

As is always the case, there’s always a good deal of food at these events and last night was a smorgasbord. Tonight is soup night…my favorite night during What a Hoot. Everyone brings their A-game on soup night and we all go around taste testing each person’s creation. I decided to do something a little bit different this year and make beef and noodles. I’ll stick the chuck roast in the crock pot in the morning and let it simmer all day. It will be a welcome addition, I am sure.

This morning was predicted to be 41 degrees! After a long stretch of hot, dry weather, I am really welcoming the cooler temperatures of fall. I needed to make a reconfiguration of the camper to accommodate my guest. I turned the jack knife sofa into a twin bed. The back of the sofa is a little bit higher than the seat when it’s laid out flat. I bought some firm upholstery foam sheets to lay down on the lower section to make an even base and place my inflatable mattress on top. It was cool enough for the furnace. Today is Pioneer Days down in the Historic Village. The grist mill will be running and there will be tours of the village buildings. Our friend Gail’s son wrote a book about the haunted history of Beaver Creek and will be on hand to sign his books.

So far, the trip is fabulous and so is the RPod 196! The tickets are on sale on girlcamper.com for $10 each and the proceeds benefit the Hold You Foundation, an organization that assists families with critically ill children. This is a wonderful chance to support a worthy cause as well and get the opportunity to buy a wonderful camper! It’s good to be back!

❤️

“We love because he first loved us.”
1 John 4:19 NIV

Love Letters from Beyond

Fri, 27 Sep 2019 01:30:20 -0600

“Leaving love notes behind for your spouse to find later…what a gift!”

My friends and I camped at Beaver Creek State Park last night. We so seldom get together, just the three of us and when we do it’s always so special. It’s always tempting to stay up really late and sleep in the next day, but Janine and I both had long drives home. We called it a night fairly early and were up and ready for coffee by 8:00. We chatted over a leisurely breakfast and prayed for each other before we finally broke camp by 11:00. I pulled in to the Ponderosa around 4:00, dropped off the camper, and turned right around to go back to town for small group. I’m not signed up for this session, but I wanted to visit and share in the fellowship with dear friends from church.

I was seated by a new member of the group. Jonna is a widow of two years. I put my hand on her arm and told her how sorry I was for her loss. We chatted about the similarities and differences between people’s grief experiences. She knew ahead of time that her husband was dying and she was thrilled they had time to have important conversations, no matter how uncomfortable they were.

Just before our meeting started, she leaned over and lowered her voice a little.

“Wanna know the BEST part?”

I was intrigued. I had never thought about “the best part” of grief.

“Yes….please!”

“My husband hid love notes for me everywhere! I’ve found over twenty of them already!”

My heart melted. I remember finding a note Mr. Virgo had left me for Valentine’s day just a month before he died unexpectedly. I know how precious that is.

“I’m not going to go looking for them. If I find one, it’s a gift! I found one the other day in the file of Explanation of Benefits from the insurance!”

I leaned over to her and said, “I think that is just the sweetest thing!”

That’s a good man, right there. He knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, what these little gifts would mean to the woman he had married thirty-eight years prior. Even when he was ill and in pain from the amputation of his leg, this gentle giant left his sweetheart love letters from beyond. Yes…that’s a very good man!

❤️

“Now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times and in every way. The Lord be with all of you.”
2 Thessalonians 3:16 NIV

Full Moon...Friday the 13th

Fri, 13 Sep 2019 01:30:48 -0600

“Tonight is a full moon AND Friday the 13th! What could POSSIBLY go wrong?”

If you have ever worked in an emergency room, you know it is guaranteed to be crazy busy on the night of a full moon and any Friday the 13th. Add the two? Yikes! Let’s just say, I’m super happy I am going to go work an RV show today and not an ER!

Yesterday was insanely busy. I got up early and finished packing. Mr. FixIt had to work so I loaded up the truck by myself. Although I started early and it was only 73 degrees, within an hour I was sweating buckets and things became decidedly more difficult. I managed to get everything finished around 11:00 and headed to town. I had some errands to run before a doctor’s appointment at 2:45. The Doctor ran really late so it was 4:15 by the time I was finished.

As I walked around the back of my truck in the parking lot, I noticed the hitch wasn’t on my truck. Mr. FixIt usually does that for me because a hitch with all the gear to use weight distribution bars is really heavy. I had to drive all the way home and hook it up myself before I could head out of town. I was really tired by 10:00 and started looking for a hotel room. I finally found one around Hagerstown, MD and stopped for the night. There’s a long stretch through the mountains where the pickin’s are slim.

I love traveling by night. The traffic is lighter and the moon was amazing! By the time I got settled in my room, it was 11:30 so I was whupped. I don’t have to be at the RV Show till noon so I could sleep in this morning! Gotta be ready for a busy, busy couple of days!

❤️

“For it is written: “ ‘He will command his angels concerning you to guard you carefully; they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.’ ””
Luke 4:10-11 NIV

There is Another

Mon, 09 Sep 2019 01:30:03 -0600

“There is another who stands with us in the fire….always.”

I cannot tell you how many times I have felt alone in my life. Totally alone. Totally forgotten. Maybe not totally worthless…but pretty darned close sometimes. When I went through my formal conversion to Judaism just before my second child was born, part of the process was to sit before the Bet Din…the Jewish Tribunal Court that determines your suitability. Did you learn all you needed to learn? Are you converting for your faith…or for your husband? How will you accomplish the very important aspect of the Jewish faith…being a contributing member of the synagogue?

These were the easy questions. I had already lived a Jewish life for 12 years. This conversion was merely a formality so that our child would be considered by other Jews to be Jewish once she was born. The difficult question came last.

“Do you renounce Jesus as your personal savior?”

I thought I would fly through these questions without giving them a second thought. But this question….this…betrayal to all I had learned as a child hit something deep within me I didn’t even realize was there. But what was I to do? I was pregnant out to here and my nice Jewish doctor-husband was sitting on the other side of the door, waiting for me.

“I have obligations to my family,” I thought to myself. “I have people depending on me to show up as a Jew…not the least of which is my unborn child.”

So, I said yes…and that’s where the trouble started. I felt God…I don’t know…step back, for lack of a better description. From that moment on…for the next ten years…I felt alone. Forsaken, as I had forsaken Jesus. Granted, I had not recognized him as the Son of God at that point. I had never invited Him into my life. I had never given over to Him and called Him Lord. I guess, in that moment, I realized He was still in the back of my mind. He was still there. That is, until I kicked Him to the curb in the office of the synagogue that cold and sunny January day.

I didn’t deserve Him. I had shunned Him. I felt there was no forgiveness for such an action and that was where I was left. Dying on the vine from the inside out. Ten years later, after an overdose nearly killed me, I started my long journey back to life and along the way…praise God…I was brought to my knees at the foot of the Cross and came home to Jesus in 2005. Nearly fifteen years ago.

What I’ve learned since then is this: I was never alone in the fire. God was always there with me, no matter how far I tried to push Him away. I spent that whole decade feeling alone and unworthy…far from God on my side of the fence. Yet He sat there patiently watching out for me, patiently waiting for me to cry out for him.

I think of myself as a parent…how sad I have been at times when my children’s focus has them far away from me and how joyful I feel when they call, or reach out to me for something even as mundane as a family recipe. This must be how God feels when we reach our arms out to Him to be held. Like any parent…He loves His children. Like any parent…He rejoices when His children love Him back.

❤️

“How precious is your steadfast love, O God! The children of mankind take refuge in the shadow of your wings.”
Psalms 36:7 ESV

Let Things Go

Sun, 08 Sep 2019 01:30:33 -0600

“Letting things go for a little while gives your mind and heart a chance to breathe.”

I have a list as long as my arm to get accomplished in the next four days. On the upside, I don’t have a camper to clean and prep for a trip. On the downside, I still have laundry, errands, packing, planning, writing, and a couple of doctor’s appointments before I slip out of town on Thursday for the beginning of this amazing Girl Camper Trailer Tour.

So, with all this stuff on my list, what did I do yesterday? I let things go. I created a day just for me. I met ten of my dear friends from my high school class for coffee and conversation. We caught up with what’s been going on since the beginning of summer. We haven’t met since June before I left cross country. This is the first chance I’ve had to plan a coffee gathering since returning from Colorado. I needed to fit it in before I leave again this week.

We caught up with everyone’s health issues. Yes, we’re THOSE people now…surgeries, hospitalizations, injuries. We are “of a certain age” and things break down more often it seems. One of the gals was new to our gathering. She’s been liberated from a longstanding situation that didn’t allow her to socialize before now so there was a lot of catching up to do there. We talked about our vacations over the summer and travel plans for the fall. We shared photos of the grandkids…and GREAT grandkids! Ninety minutes flew by and someone called, “Picture time!” We needed to enlist a patron sitting in the cafe to come take our photo. A young woman doing homework. I smiled. “High school friends. Don’t ever lose touch!” She smiled back and took the perfect picture.

When it was time to leave, we each hugged everyone there. We’re of that age…we don’t know “when” and “if” anymore. So we hug and kiss a lot and give lots of “love you’s” and “take care’s”. I left feeling loved and supported and relieved those I care about were experiencing a pretty good week. As I was heading to the truck, one of our granddaughters texted to say she was in town and did I want to snuggle our great grandson. Well…of course! Silly question!

I went to the former Mrs. FixIt’s house and visited her and with not one, but BOTH great grandchildren for an hour or so and caught up with everyone, then headed off for errands. I met Mr. FixIt after his golf scramble and went to one of my favorite stores…Rural King. I’m looking for a cool barn coat but I’m not finding one. I’ll probably have to buy online.

So, there you go…my primer on how to let things go. Totally self serving and vitally important. Church today, then I can piddle around the house. It’ll get done. And, it’ll get done without me feeling like I’ll tear my hair out at any minute. That is a monumental win-win in my book.

❤️

“a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;”
Ecclesiastes 3:5 ESV

Stitched with Love

Fri, 06 Sep 2019 01:30:17 -0600

“My friend’s comfort quilt is on its way. She’s had her first dose of chemo.”

My dear friend’s quilt is on its way out west. As I sat and hand stitched the binding, I listened to praise music for a bit, then I switched over to my daily devotional. My Bible app on my phone has a function where someone reads the Bible to you. That is especially handy for my Bible plan that I’m working on. It’s planned so that you read the entire Bible in a year. I’ve only read the Bible completely once. I read it from cover to cover…from Genesis to Revelations. That’s tough. You get stuck in all those begats and Kings and it’s difficult to keep from going cross eyed.

This plan reads a couple of chapters from the Old Testament and the New Testament. Then it reads some from Psalms and finishes with Proverbs. Every day. Once I got two weeks behind and swore I’d never do that again. Then over the weekend, I hit the two week behind mark again. Currently I’m only behind nine days. I have some catching up to do. Listening over the headphones accomplished two things…it helped me catch up a bit and it let me stitch the Word into my work. Then I prayed over the quilt and hugged it close and sent it off to my friend, hoping she feels the love and hugs and prayers put into each stitch.

I’m counting down the days for my trip now. We’ve all learned from experience just how fast a week can go by. It will be no time and I’ll be off to the Hershey RV Show. I’ll meet Janine there and we’ll work the show for two days. Then we’ll be off to Huntington, WV.

I’ve been researching stays for my trip and all the writing that is going to be involved with it. Lots of driving. Lots of photo editing. Plus another project that’s coming up very soon. PLUS my own writing here. That’s a ton of work. What I will have to do is share my trip writing here on some of the days. It will be extremely difficult (I think) to write the daily essays you and I have become accustomed to. Then again, writing on this blog has become my bedtime ritual and I may not be able to sleep until I write something here.

At any rate, you and I are about to embark on a VERY exciting journey filled with fun experiences and beautiful scenery. And sometimes we’ll still talk about grief. Because, you know…it’s what we do here. Grief and joy can exist at the same time.

❤️

“a time to tear, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;”
Ecclesiastes 3:7 ESV

Soft Hands

Thu, 05 Sep 2019 01:30:37 -0600

“Hold people’s hearts softly…with open hands.”

I’ve learned to have soft hands in my relationships. I’m not talking about getting a mani or using the latest lotions and potions. I’m talking about holding my relationships softly. I’ve learned a lot about relationships over my life. I’ve certainly had enough of them. I used to be embarrassed to say Mr. FixIt is my fourth marriage. I mean, would it have been nice to celebrate my 50th Anniversary with the man I married in 1973? Well…if it WOULD have been nice, I’d still be married to him now, wouldn’t I? Same goes for the one I married in 1979.

When I married Mr. Virgo in 2007, I truly believed it was my last marriage and we would grow old together. Then 2013 happened, and that dream was shattered by his untimely death at the age of 62. I was only 59, but I swore I would never, ever get married again. “No one could ever measure up.” “My heart could never take that again.” “I’ve already used up three women’s quotas…I’m done.”

I had every reason in the book to never do this again…then Mr. FixIt came along and God granted me another chance at happiness. I’ve been able to use a lot of the lessons I learned in my first three marriages and use them in my new marriage…my LAST marriage.

I knew nothing when I married my first husband…as is true with most people, I suppose. We were so very young…I was only 19, he was 20. We argued…a lot. We had a baby straight away and we were separated before she was two. I learned a lot about what I didn’t want in that marriage.

Hubby #2 was my longest marriage…20 years. And the divorce was extremely painful. When I look back on that marriage, I realize I held onto my husband with tight fists. I was jealous of his coworkers. The nurses and medical staff, the female doctors…well, anyone really. I spent my entire relationship wondering when he would leave me for some talented, intelligent, good looking, young thing. I held on so tightly neither one of us could breathe and the relationship became toxic.

By the time Mr. Virgo came along, I was looking for what I DID want in a partner…not the other way around. I held him softly, but I held myself in an ironclad fist. My second marriage did not end by my choice, so I told myself I had to be the very best version of myself…the perfect wife…with Mr. Virgo or he might leave me, too. The marriage was much, much happier…don’t get me wrong. But it was a lot of work to try to be perfect all the time. In all honesty, I have no idea what might have come of that relationship had he not passed away. I can idealize it and say it was perfect, but no relationship is absolutely perfect. Really, really great is a glorious gift.

By the time Mr. FixIt came along, I was tired of being something…someONE…I was not. I knew if I ever had the opportunity to have another serious relationship and be married again, I was going to be a “what-you-see-is-what-you-get” kinda gal. Which works out really great because Mr. FixIt is a “what-you-see-is-what-you-get” kinda guy. I love our relationship because we aren’t guarded around each other. We’re easy with each other. We hold each other’s hearts, but with soft, open hands.

You see, what I finally learned…and trust me, I’m a slow learner…what I finally learned was this: If you hold your love’s heart in the soft, open palm of your hand and he flies away…he was not yours to begin with. And, without the tight grip of jealousy and fear of abandonment, the relationship can breathe and grow.

I never once questioned Mr. Virgo’s commitment to me, yet I still held a piece of my heart tightly in my clenched fists for fear he’d leave like the last one and break my heart. It never occurred to me it would be his death that would crush me. I don’t question Mr. FixIt’s commitment either, and I haven’t held anything back. It’s liberating. Can I get crushed again. Yes, of course. But death has taught me I can survive anything so I don’t live in fear anymore. I have soft hands. And that is a much more graceful way to live.

❤️

“Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near.”
Philippians 4:5 NIV

Random Acts of Kindness...Senseless Acts of Beauty

Tue, 03 Sep 2019 01:30:15 -0600

“My grandma always said you can catch a lot more flies with honey than you can with vinegar.”

About thirty years ago, a woman named Anne Herbert wrote something on a placemat in a restaurant. “Practice random acts of kindness and senseless acts of beauty.” Since then, countless posters, books, t-shirts, and movies have incorporated this idea of doing something for others…some kindness…without expecting anything in return. Things like paying for the person behind you in the drive through at the local coffee shop. Or, leaving a basket of flowers on someone’s doorstep. Or, something I like to do every once in a while….put a sticky note on a $5 bill with a note like “God loves you!”…then tuck it in a book at the library or a book store.

Practicing random acts of kindness didn’t start with Ms. Herbert, of course. The original practitioner was Jesus, of course…and we would do well to strive to emulate Him. Being a good person seems to be rapidly going out of style. My dad wasn’t what you would call a profound thinker, but he said one thing that always stuck with me. “Computers will be the downfall of mankind.” I think I rolled my eyes when he said that. But maybe he wasn’t so far off.

I don’t think it’s computers, per se, that will be the downfall of man. I think it’s how computers are used. Social media has created a monster. It’s given people a voice who may never have had one. It’s placed a filter between people….it’s created an US against THEM atmosphere. And, it has taken away the social filter of eye contact, allowing whatever vitriol that comes to mind to flow through the keyboard without repercussion. Cyber bullying isn’t limited to 8th grade girls and misunderstood emo boys.

I will have to say…thankfully there has been very little in the way of nastiness on this page. I won’t tolerate it and the few times it’s happened, the instigator has been blocked and the offending message deleted. That isn’t the case everywhere. It’s hard to judge the “tone” of a message when it’s written. All it takes is one “rude” comment to unleash a flood of bullying back and forth…and that’s with grown adults!

It’s a new month. School is back in session. I don’t want to wait for Christmas to have the good feels. Let’s go out today and do kind things for people. If it’s not new to you, great! Keep up the good work! If it’s been a while and you’d like to rectify that situation, go out there and do something nice for someone today. And if someone does something nice for you, pay it forward.

We attract to us what we dish out. If we are negative and uncaring, we just get more of the same. If we are kind and loving, there is a better chance of attracting that same kindness and love. If it doesn’t come right away…keep trying. It never hurts to spread good vibes around the world.

❤️

“Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”
Ephesians 4:32 ESV

Like Sands Through the Hourglass...

Sat, 31 Aug 2019 01:30:08 -0600

“Sending some cheerful hugs, love and prayers to one of my dearest peeps!”

One of my dearest peeps is having a medical issue that will involve a lengthy period of medical treatments. I can’t be with her or give her hugs or bring her casseroles, so I’m doing the next best thing…I’m sending her a little “Comfort Quilt” to stuff in her tote and take to the hospital. I told her when she wraps herself up in it, she can feel my hugs and prayers because I’m putting both in it!

I spent yesterday afternoon at the little quilt shop in town, cutting and sewing the quilt top. The owner and I spent the time chatting and visiting with the other women who came in to shop. When they were all gone, she asked if I would mind if she turned the TV back on. The last time I was there, she had been watching quilt tutorials. I normally hate TV, but anything educational is quite tolerable.

Imagine my surprise when she turned on…wait for it…..Days of Our Lives! I didn’t even know that was still on the air! Well, I’m here to tell you…it is. I haven’t watched soap operas since Daughter #2 was a baby. I usually watched while I folded the laundry. Here’s the crazy thing…

Maggie…Victor…Marlena…they’re ALL still there!!!

And they’ve been stuck in the same wine cellar since 1990!!!

Seriously though…other than people carrying cell phones, you wouldn’t know 29 years had passed. There was one actress on there that plays two characters…one of whom wears those false teeth that made her look like her daddy drank up all the money for her orthodontia. And she had such a grossly over-exaggerated fake southern hick accent that it was insulting. Every word she said made me want to get up and slap her for making fun of me and my people.

Anyway, I finished the quilt top and the shop owner will quilt it on the long arm tomorrow and I can pick it up Tuesday, sew on the binding and get it sent off with lots of love and hugs and prayers for complete healing and minimal side effects. When I get it finished, I’ll post another picture and you can send your prayers and hugs along with mine!

Till then…I hope you have a fun and safe Labor Day Weekend. And, if you’re in the way of the hurricane…please be careful out there!!! Prayers for your health and safety!

❤️

“Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword.....No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.” ‭‭Romans‬ ‭8:35, 37‬ ‭NIV‬‬

GRIEF + TIME = grief

Thu, 29 Aug 2019 01:30:48 -0600

“Grief is a process that varies from person to person…but there are some general similarities.”

The other day I read a Tweet that stopped me in my tracks. A woman said she had cut her two best friends completely out of her life because in the entire year after her niece died, neither one of them bothered to check in with her. Her comment came after someone checked in…a full two years after her tragic loss. He texted her with a very simple message…

“I’m just checking in to see how you are coping after the death of your niece.”

Simple. To the point. And, so welcomed it brought her to tears.

It prompted me to reflect. When was the last time I checked in with my friends who have lost loved ones? I get so wrapped up in my “work”, my “ministry”, with the bereaved, I forget to reach out and connect myself sometimes.

Last night I spent a good two hours writing quick texts to several of my peeps who had lost someone significant in the last couple of years. I heard back from them and the response was universal…”You have no idea what it means to have someone remember to ask how I’m doing!” “Thank you SO much for checking in…it means so much to me!” “My own kids don’t even want to listen!”

It’s true…once a “reasonable amount of time” passes, people move on with their lives. And, unless they have been bereaved, they may not understand that you haven’t. I remember how I felt abandoned. Like no one cared anymore. That isn’t true, of course. They just don’t have a point of reference for the depth of your pain and…it would scare the crap out of them if they believed that depth of pain could possible last more than a few months.

There is no way to compare your own experience with that of another. Your grief is different than my grief. And it doesn’t matter how your person died…your grief is the worst grief ever because it is your own. But truly, I’m here to tell you, there is some grief that I cannot begin to imagine. Like the mother whose son was murdered by terrorists and left to die on the roadside. Or the mother whose daughter was found dead three days after a heroin overdose. Or the wife who returned from the grocery store to find her husband dead on the back porch from a self-inflicted gunshot wound.

There are so many stories in the work that I do. It breaks my heart into little pieces. And, it makes me think, “If he had to die, at least it wasn’t like that!” I find myself feeling grateful it was “only a heart attack.” I didn’t have to watch him slowly fade away from the ravages of cancer.

As I talked to my friend whose son was killed a little over a year ago, I thought back over the years since Mr. Virgo died. And, while there isn’t some neat and tidy delineation from year to year, there is some general sense of first, second, third, etc.

The first year is such a fog. You are numb. You are just trying to get the next thing done, the next paper filed, the next account closed. Closet? Check. Accounts? Check. Cellphone? Check. The first year becomes a blur…a cross between busy and madness.

The second year can be surprisingly rough…like you are standing in high tide during a storm surge. Your footing shifts like the sand beneath you in the ocean. Each wave hitting you blindly, knocking you beneath the surface. And…you can’t swim. Not even close.

At some point along the way…you hear it. A little snippet of music. A little bubble of laughter. A little glimmer of color peeking through a stormy sky. And that’s when the tides begin to shift a little. The waves not quite so hard. Or…maybe we’ve become better swimmers.

For me, the third year gave me a little breathing room. It was a period of exploration and self-discovery. A time of reaching out and stretching beyond my past and stepping a bit more boldly into the future.

The fourth, and beyond, found me building a boat to carry me over the waves till the next storm comes.

I listened intently to my friend sharing her grief. I asked questions. I resisted the urge to share my experiences except to say the occasional “Yes! I get that…I felt that, too!” It was amazingly comforting to me when I found others shared some of the same things I was experiencing. At some point in our conversation, she asked…

”How is your life?”

“I feel bad sharing how wonderful my life is when yours sucks so terribly,” I said.

“No…don’t ever feel bad about that! Your story gives me hope!”

And that…in a nutshell…is what keeps me going. It keeps me telling stories…even when you hurt…even when I hurt. Because life keeps going on around us whether our sense of time has stopped or whether death has taken the joy from our hearts. I write about Jesus and faith. I write about grief. I write about pain. I write about love and joy and rocking babies. I write about travel, and camping, and becoming strong. I write about farms and mowing and fried green tomatoes. I write about life and all it’s little bits…both good and bad.

But mostly…I write about hope.

❤️

“You are my refuge and my shield; your word is my source of hope.”
Psalms 119:114 NLT

A Thousand Dragonflies

Mon, 26 Aug 2019 01:30:31 -0600

“The dragonflies are prolific this year!”

I love dragonflies. They serve a good purpose by eating mosquitos and other flying insects and they don’t bite humans! I am charmed by them. They will light on your finger or your shoulder. They hover around you as if to keep you company or to satisfy their curiosity. The other day I was leaving the doctor’s office and one flew alongside my window for at least a quarter mile. They make me smile.

Mr. FixIt and I were out cleaning the pool on Saturday and there was a dragonfly floating dead in the water. We both remarked how many more dragonflies there are the last couple of years. I did some research and found it’s because of all the rain we’ve been getting. With more rain comes more mosquitoes and consequently, the predators are in hot pursuit.

Somehow, I missed a big spot when I was mowing Saturday so I went out after church yesterday to finish up. I sat at the edge of the field in awe at the number of dragonflies hovering around me. From the website, Dragonfly Transitions, comes this: “In almost every part of the world, the Dragonfly symbolizes change, transformation, adaptability, and self-realization. The change that is often referred to has its source in mental and emotional maturity and understanding the deeper meaning of life.”

Change. Transformation. Adaptability. Self-Realization. If that doesn’t describe my life, I don’t know what does. This year has been, and continues to be one of remarkable opportunities…for travel, for growth, for learning…for becoming MORE. I love this, because the moment we stop growing, we die. Maybe not literally…but figuratively. A stagnant life is a fate worse than death for me.

I’ve said several times in the last week that I’ve been thinking a lot of my mom. I’ve been really missing her…more so than usual. As I was working with my calendar last night, I noticed today’s date. August 26th. My mom’s birthday. She’s been gone fifteen years now. She would have been 93 today. She died six weeks before her first great grandchild was born. As I sat rocking my second great grandchild in church yesterday, I thought of my mom and how much she loved children. She worked in the YWCA Daycare program and was the resident Grandma to hundreds of little ones. You couldn’t see her at work without some little person sitting on her lap at her desk.

I was thinking it would be great to relate Mom to the appearance of the dragonflies…for the purposes of this essay, at least. But, I have no idea if she loved dragonflies. She probably did. I do know she loved the color purple…and roses, books, peaches, piccalilli, tchotchkes, helping people, and genealogy. She loved her grandchildren. And she was totally devoted to my brother who has cerebral palsy.

No…we have dragonflies because it’s been a rainy year. And, I miss my mom so much because today’s her birthday. Two unrelated events, but yet both are symbolic of transformation and adaptability.

Here’s to Wanda Belle…an amazing and humble woman. Everyone who knew her, loved her and misses her. Happy Heavenly Birthday, Mama!

❤️

“So you have sorrow now, but I will see you again; then you will rejoice, and no one can rob you of that joy.”
John 16:22 NLT

Singing with Jesus

Sun, 25 Aug 2019 01:30:39 -0600

“Mr. FixIt says our pear trees have never produced…he thought they were ornamental. This year, they’re loaded!”

The other day I had to have a fasting blood draw for some tests. When I came out of the lab, I was humming a praise song as I walked through the lobby. “Your promise still stands…great is your faithfulness, your faithfulness.”

The woman in front of me turned around and gave me a huge smile and said, “You must be really happy! I’m a singer, too. I’m always walking around singing.”

I smiled back. “Well, Jesus is always with me and we love to sing together.”

She stopped and looked at me and said, “That’s a really good thing. I like that!”

Yesterday was a busy day. We had our class picnic in the afternoon. Then, Mr. FixIt went to help someone with a move and I went home and mowed five acres. Then I cleaned the pool. When I mow the lawn, I use a pair of ear protectors that have Bluetooth speakers in them so I can listen to the music on my phone. I crank up my worship music and once in a while I have to laugh when I catch myself driving with one hand and praising with the other!

Mr. FixIt came home when I was just finishing cleaning the pool. He was kind enough to deal with back flushing the pump for me so I didn’t have to keep getting out of the pool to do it. There is a decided turn in the temperatures that have put the unmistakable tinge of fall in the air. Mr. FixIt said the temp was 54 yesterday morning and very foggy when he left to work on the porch he’s building with a friend.

And today is church day…my favorite day of every single week! See you this evening for Sunday Evening Prayer Circle!

❤️

“Yet we hear that some of you are living idle lives, refusing to work and meddling in other people’s business. We command such people and urge them in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ to settle down and work to earn their own living. As for the rest of you, dear brothers and sisters, never get tired of doing good.”
2 Thessalonians 3:11-13 NLT

Another Trip Down Memory Lane

Sat, 24 Aug 2019 01:30:10 -0600

“A trip down memory lane takes me to the neighborhood grocery store.”

Do you remember when women dressed up to go to the grocery store? I ran across this picture on Facebook last night when I was searching for something else and it just brought back such a flood of memories. I love looking at all the details. Diet Pepsi was a thing…even in the mid ‘60s. Some of us were debating whether this was a staged photo-op because of the total on the cash register.

Look at the uniforms the store clerks wore! The “K” on the lapels was for Kroger. Their stores operate under a lot of brands now…King Soopers, City Market, Smiths, among others. And the manager of any store, grocery or otherwise, wouldn’t be caught dead without his short sleeved white shirt and tie.

Notice the machine on top of the cash register. Do you remember what that was? It was the stamp dispenser. I believe the stamps dispensed at Kroger’s were Value Stamps. They were yellow. Other stores had Green Stamps and Plaid Stamps. I remember my first stuffed toy was a donkey I named Pedro. He was stuffed with excelsior…or wood wool. It was made from wood shavings that were about the size of spaghetti. My first roller skates were from the Plaid Stamp store. And, we got a lot of things with Green Stamps…dishes, a laundry hamper, my trash can with the pink poodle on it.

My first boyfriend, who later became Hubby #1, worked at the Kroger Store in the Park Shopping Center. That was back in the days before malls. The shopping center stole a lot of business from the stores downtown and when the mall opened, it was pretty much the death of the downtown shops.

I remember stopping at the grocery store and watching the stockers use a pricing stamp and put the price in ink on the top of the cans. click, click, click, click, click. They’d stamp a case at a time. Then the checker had to hand enter each price into the cash register. I remember the first time I saw a guy working at the checkout stand. He might as well have been a zebra, he looked that out of place.

My very first job was at Kresge’s as a clerk, stocking and working the cash register. I never worked in a grocery store. I did stock shelves for a short time at the PX at Lowry Air Force Base in Denver when we first moved there till I could find a job in radiology. Ahhhh, I look back at my humble beginnings.

I’m at an age now where there’s a whole lot less time in front of me than there is behind me and I wax nostalgic when I see pictures like this. Maybe not so much for the jobs I had in my teens, but more for my mom. I see her in her dress and heels, coming from the office where she worked. Driving us in that big boat of a car and stopping at the store for a few groceries. Her hair carefully coiffed at the beauty college every Saturday. Sitting demurely while the young man in the skinny tie pumped her gas and washed her windshield and checked her oil. I remember her soft skin and her wet kisses, her cool hands on my fevered brow. I remember her sitting by my bedside when I had the mumps and read to me…until she too came down with them and Grandma had to come take care of us AND her.

I’ve missed my mom a lot lately. I opened YouTube the other night and on the landing page where there were a dozen or so suggested videos, there was a woman getting her snowy white hair cut short and I swear…she looked so much like my mom it made my eyes sting. I showed it to my friends that knew her and they agreed. My mom’s boss is still living and even she said it was remarkable how much the woman resembled my mom.

It’s not that I “long for the good old days”. I just miss my mom.

Grief…even for those lost so long ago…still comes in a wave. Not a tsunami anymore…but sometimes it’s big enough to rock my footing. There’s so much I’d love to show her. I think she would have really loved camping in a trailer or a motor home. Sometimes I just take her on a trip in my mind and I imagine all the places we’d go and things we’d see. She wasn’t well traveled, although she did come to England when Daughter #1 was born and she came to Colorado several times. She went to the beach once with my BFF in her little convertible.

Speaking of nostalgia, my high school class picnic is today. I saw on FB the Class of ‘69 had their 50th Reunion this weekend. That means only two years to ours. Where did the time go? I remember when my aunt and uncle went to their 50th and I thought they were so OLD. They were only 15 years or so older than me! Funny…the perspective from the other end was so long and from this end it’s so short.

We’ve finally had a break in the weather and it’s much cooler. The high was only 74 yesterday. It should be about the same today. I hope you enjoy your weekend!

❤️

“Don’t long for “the good old days.” This is not wise.”
Ecclesiastes 7:10 NLT

Do You Remember When.....?

Tue, 20 Aug 2019 01:30:50 -0600

“Clockwise from Top Right: Phone Booth, Fireweed, Joe Pye Weed, Naked Ladies (Belladona Lily)

Mr. FixIt took the day off yesterday. I had to run a couple of errands, but I was back home by noon. The temperature was already well into the 90’s by then and I actually had the thought…”Ok, I’m done. I’m ready for FALL!” Cool, crisp days with a warm sweater, sipping a mug of cider while gazing at the changing of the leaves suddenly sounds very appealing to me. And this from a woman who hates fall because winter is right behind it. Not this year…I’m ready for this sweltering heat wave to break.

We never did put the window air conditioner in the family room this summer. Mostly because we were gone a lot. And also, it didn’t get all that hot till we were ready to leave on our big trip out west. At this point, I told Mr. FixIt we should just skip that particular ordeal this year altogether. It is quite a chore getting that huge air conditioner into the window and before we know it, we won’t need it anyway. That being said, we were both tired of the heat by 5:00 so he asked me if I wanted to go for a drive with him.

We love going for drives in the countryside. West Virginia has the best roads for drives and there’s always something interesting around the next bend. We kept remarking how overgrown everything is from all the rain this summer. Old abandoned houses are all but swallowed up by vines that threaten to take them by force into the woods. The Joe Pye Weed covers the roadsides with its smoky pink blossoms. Naked Ladies (Belladona Lilies) poke their heads up in the corners of rural lawns. Dark pink Fireweed mingles with Goldenrod, Queen Anne’s Lace, and Black-eyed Susans. They all look like weeds, but they are West Virginia’s cacophony of late summer wildflowers.

We had no idea where we would end up. We drove past the greenhouses in Palestine and saw they are filled with baskets of mums that will bloom in October. We drove past the place where they used to produce railroad ties. Mr. FixIt said the trucks traveled by night because their loads were always way over the weight limit. He said you could tell it was the railroad ties because the heavy night air smelled of creosote long after they’d passed.

We finally pulled into Spencer, West Virginia…an old town built on the backs of the oil, gas, and timber industries. There are some beautiful old houses there. At one time, the State Psychiatric Hospital was located there and if you weren’t good growing up, “you’ll get hauled off to Spencer” was fair warning to shape up. Now it’s just like any other tired, old town in the Mountain State…bored adolescent boys yelling from passing cars, bored adolescent girls giggling in the booth at Wendy’s over a series of texts and photos they were sharing. An old man climbed into a car with barely enough room for him to sit in the driver’s seat. The rest of the car was filled wall-to-wall and floor-to-ceiling with trash. Literal trash. He opened the door to the back seat and carefully placed his half-full cup of soda on top of the pile, closed the door, and got in to drive off to who knows where.

The Wendy’s was impeccably clean inside so we stopped for a bite to eat before we drove on to Ripley, then past Ravenswood to Mineral Wells and on home. Mr. Fixit said it would be dark by the time we got home and he was right. I love these kind of evenings with him…away from the television, going for a drive, holding hands and laughing and telling stories. It occurred to me, one of the very best things about our relationship is…even though we’ve only been together since late 2016, we have so many memories in common. We were best friends in high school. While he lived all but a few years of his life within a 20 mile radius of where we were born, I lived two years in England and forty years in Colorado. But, I still came home for a visit every year so I had my finger on the pulse of my hometown. We lived our lives in a parallel trajectory for sixty-some years before our paths crossed for good. We have much of the same history and memories.

As the sun was beginning to make it’s last glorious descent over the beautiful Ohio River, I saw this phone booth standing alone near the Wendy’s parking lot. I turned to Mr FixIt and smiled.

“Do you remember when…..?”

❤️

“But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart.”
Luke 2:19 NIV

Bowling Season Has Begun

Mon, 19 Aug 2019 01:30:06 -0600

“Pink roses and strawberries…and bowling season. Somebody loves me!”

Mr. FixIt is an avid bowler. He’s been on two bowling leagues for the last thirty-five years and he enjoys it immensely. He has friends there. He has ample opportunity to talk. It’s his guy time. And, I enjoy having a couple of evenings a week to do whatever I want to do as well. Honestly, I fell asleep late in the afternoon and didn’t hear him leave. When I woke up, I caught up with my Sunday evening phone calls and chats so it was a relaxing evening.

When he arrived home, he went into the kitchen to fix something to eat and we were trying to carry on a conversation while I was in the family room. He called out, “You know…I could hear you better if you were in here with me.” Of course! Sometimes we get so wrapped up in what we’re doing, we forget the basic manners and niceties we should offer those we love most.

I walked into the kitchen and there on the counter was a dozen pink roses and two cartons of fresh strawberries! I am always thunderstruck when he surprises me with these lovely unexpected gifts of love.

I looked at him and smiled. “What’s this?”

“It’s been a little while since I brought you flowers. It was time.” He smiled back.

What goodness this is…this life that is sweeter than any red strawberry…softer than any pink rosebud. This is a blessing. This is God’s gift to me. This man who lifts me up and celebrates who I am. Who cheers me on and encourages me to explore and be everything I can be. This man who holds my hand in church and prays alongside me. Who holds me and comforts me when I am sick or sad. I only pray I give him this same love back every day of my life.

There was so much sadness in my life after Mr. Virgo died. I swore I would never fall in love…never remarry…because the thought of going through that again was too much to bear. Then color came back into my life. And I could hear music and I could breathe and somehow I knew I could love again. I don’t know how long we have together…but it’s bowling season and I have strawberries and pink roses and my life is good.

❤️

“Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.”
Matthew 5:4 NIV

“Let The Sun Shine...”

Sun, 18 Aug 2019 01:30:25 -0600

“The Ubiquitous Photo from Woodstock”

Fifty years ago this weekend, a gazillion people descended on Mr. Yasgur’s New York farm just five hundred miles from where I grew up. What started out as a ticketed music event soon devolved into chaos as tens of thousands of unticketed hippies made their way into the tiny village of Bethel. The festival had already suffered a last minute change of venue and was seriously short on cash, but there came a point where Woodstock took on a life of its own.

Fifty years have passed. I didn’t go, of course. I was only sixteen and actually didn’t even hear about it till it was on the news. Not that I would have done something so brazen as to defy my parents because I know they never would have allowed me to go. I never even skipped a class in school, let alone run off to a hippy concert five hundred miles away. Still, I marveled at the mass of humanity. And, I liked the music.

It was such a crazy summer…the Summer of ‘69. The Summer of Love. That’s what we called it. But the older generations thought we young people were out of our minds. Sex, drugs, and Rock & Roll. And now look where we are. I saw a meme today. A grandpa was saying he fought in WWII and built his house with his own two hands. His great grandson said, “Sometimes I put a meme on Facebook and it gets a lot of likes.” That is so sad…and unfortunately, all too true.

We didn’t have the internet in 1969. We didn’t have the news on 24/7/365. We didn’t have violent video games. We didn’t have as many latch key kids and no iPad kids or YouTube kids. Dr. Spock was just beginning to tell us how to raise our kids and to never swat their butts or we would bruise their fragile self-esteems. I’ll tell you what, if I sassed back to my parents, they bruised my “self-esteem” with whatever was handy. I did the same with my kids. Nowadays, you can have your kids taken away for that. And they know it.

I remember Daughter #1 saying she was going to call Child Protective Services because I wouldn’t let her go to a party. I smiled and recited the number to her. Then I took her car keys. It’s hard to parent now. Having the grandkids over this week with their own little ones made me compare how easy I had it compared to what they are facing. And I didn’t have it all that easy.

After my first divorce, I was a single mom in Denver. My family lived in West Virginia. I didn’t have anyone I could leave the baby with while I went to work. I had to find child care…and pray they wouldn’t hurt my daughter. I lived in HUD housing, on food stamps and WIC. I drove a beat up old Pontiac that I paid some Iranians $200 for. The hood and the trunk were wired closed with coat hangers. All four sides were dented in. I prayed every day I could get to work so I could take care of us. I didn’t have a smart phone and five sets of grandparents to step in when I was overwhelmed.

God knows, I made plenty of mistakes in those early years. It’s a wonder we made it through. The music of 1969 was five years old before my daughter was born. I look back now in awe. I knew I’d be “old” someday. I just thought it would take longer. Oh, sixty-six isn’t OLD, exactly. I sure feel the difference, just in the last couple of years. Mr. FixIt and I work very hard and it’s taking it’s toll. I hurt in places that never hurt before. It takes me a bit to get moving. But, like my husband says…you’ve got to keep moving or you’ll stop.

Fifty years since Woodstock…and there’s a real part of me that genuinely feels a little past my prime. However, I’m about to take a brand new camper wherever I want for five months and write about it! Isn’t that just about the coolest thing? I wouldn’t take who I was in 1969 back for anything!

“Let the sun shine…let the sun shine in…the sun…shine in!”

❤️

“I think it is right to refresh your memory as long as I live in the tent of this body,”
2 Peter 1:13 NIV

There’s Babies Everywhere!

Fri, 16 Aug 2019 01:30:34 -0600

“There’s nothing sweeter than a sleeping baby!”

I have to tell ya…I’m fried. There’s a reason God gives babies to young people. We do not normally babysit for the great grandkids. Our life keeps us moving around a lot and we love to visit with them and play with them and send them home with their mamas. Nothing wrong with that. But our services were really needed yesterday, so we had an extra busy two-year-old with us for fourteen hours.

We also have our grandson and his girlfriend and the new baby with us for a couple of days. He is helping his grandpa with a bunch of work around the Ponderosa. Just like I was telling you about the farm yesterday, all this rain has created a jungle out there and the saplings that weren’t such a big deal last year, are towering trees this summer. Combine that with all the vines that have gone crazy and you couldn’t even see between the building out back and the fence six feet away. The grandson is a hard worker, I’ll tell you that.

While the babies were being babied, Nana smoked two big pork butts and four full racks of ribs. I’ve decided whenever I fire up the smoker, I’ve packing it as full as I can while still getting good air flow for the smoke. Because this thing is a pain in the rear to clean. I also processed all that meat when it was done, served dinner three times as people came and went, and then went out and cleaned the pool. It was a busy day that didn’t end till midnight!

The neighbor across the road from the farm gave me a grocery sack of fresh vegetables as I left and the sweet corn was SO delicious. I love the tastes of summer! Last night the air was nice and cool and we slept with the windows wide open. It was wonderful! I love this time of year when the nights are cool.

❤️

“I perceived that there is nothing better for them than to be joyful and to do good as long as they live; also that everyone should eat and drink and take pleasure in all his toil—this is God's gift to man.”
Ecclesiastes 3:12-13 ESV

The Farm is Failing

Wed, 14 Aug 2019 01:30:36 -0600

“The farm is the home of my heart…but it’s aging rapidly.”

Mr. FixIt and I have been back from Colorado for a week now. We talked over the weekend and decided to go to the farm for a couple of days because I haven’t been there since the third week of June. I really miss the farm when I’m away and can’t get there. Then, Monday morning came and there was so much to get done at the Ponderosa. Still…the farm…

I decided to bring the dirty laundry and come to the farm on my own for a couple of days. Mr. FixIt is capable of taking care of himself and, while he misses me…he understands my need to be at the farm sometimes. He’s a good guy.

There was a hard rain come through yesterday. I sat on the front porch and watched and it was soon over. The sun came out and the green dazzled my eyes. Everything was so clean and fresh. I sat for the longest time and just scoured the hillside and surrounding area…looking for differences.

The power line coming to the transformer on the pole in front of the house is noticeably drooping down low over the road. A tall vehicle could easily catch that. I’ll have to report it today. Also, the big pine tree on the bank seems to be leaning further out there over the driveway. I pulled up older pictures from the same vantage point to verify both the line and the tree. Something’s going to have to be done with that, too.

I noticed Monday afternoon, there’s a wild grape vine on the power line between the house and the cinderblock building. None of that was there before I left for Colorado. This monsoon summer has created an overgrowth the likes of which I have never seen here. It’s like a tropical rain forest.

When I did a walkabout yesterday, I noticed another tree on the hillside across the creek from the house that has split in half. But it appears the uphill half is actually falling up the hill. That has always been the main concern here. This little holler is so narrow, and the ground is shale and very soft. It wouldn’t take much to bring trees down on this house.

Maybe the earth is taking her back. Maybe it’s the natural progression of old farm houses. I do know, to bring this place back to life and prosperity would take far more money than it’s worth. And, a ton…an absolute TON of work. We’re not OLD…but we are 66 and 67. The other day, I told Mr. FixIt…if we were just 30 years younger, we could do so much with this place.

I think what I have to do is start saying goodbye to the old home place…in earnest. I know there will come a time when it isn’t safe to stay here without cutting down a bunch of trees…without upgrading the electricity…without shoring up the beams in the basement and the attic. My time here is getting shorter…I can feel it. I’m working on girding my heart in preparation.

It’s like the old man who can tell it’s going to rain by the pain in his knee. The only difference is…this pain is in my heart.

❤️

“"Is it a time for you yourselves to dwell in your paneled houses, while this house lies in ruins?”
Haggai 1:4 ESV

Nana & Papaw & Baby Boo!

Thu, 08 Aug 2019 01:30:56 -0600

“Nana needed some baby snuggles before we went home!”

We made it back to West Virginia, safe and sound..thank you, God! But, we absolutely couldn’t go home without seeing the baby! Our little great grandson arrived nearly two weeks ago and we stopped to get a snuggle. Oh, he’s so sweet! We had the bonus of our great granddaughter visiting as well!

I have to tell you…we are so tired. I drove all but the last 20 miles after we stopped to see the baby. Just over 5400 miles since June 27th! I figured out the other day, I have been home exactly four days since June 5th. I knew this was going to be a busy summer but this is a little crazy!

Tomorrow’s another day. But for now…I’ve got to get some sleep. We’re both whupped!

❤️

“In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, Lord, make me dwell in safety.” Psalm 4:8 NIV

Making Our Way Back Home

Tue, 06 Aug 2019 01:30:16 -0600

“Truckin’ across Nebraska”

Yesterday was a challenge. First, I was still so wound up from the wedding and the super long drive home, I couldn’t settle down and was still awake at 4:00 in the morning. We woke up at 7:00 and had to try to fit all the stuff from the camper into the bed of the truck and still make sure the tonneau cover would close. We finally made all but a couple things fit and were finished at 10:30. We waited till Ben got home so we could say our goodbyes and finally hit the road at about 11:00.

I drove all day and we pulled into York, Nebraska…just shy of Lincoln…at about 7:30. We marveled at how green everything is. I have never traveled I-80 as my route between Colorado and West Virginia, but there are major closures on I-70 in St. Louis and Kansas City for construction. We were going to stop in Kearney, NE but they had nine inches of rain on July 8th and all the hotels and restaurants were flooded. There are only about 3 or 4 hotels open and they were either full or pricey. So we drove on.

The flooding certainly explains why everything is so green here. The mountains of Colorado were the same way and that is good news for the communities who worry about forest fires. It’s not good news here in Nebraska. The farmers here have had a hard time getting crops in the ground…especially wheat. There’s corn to beat the band but not all of it has tasseled yet.

It was interesting watching the crop dusters all along the highway. I’ve only seen them once in my life and they were everywhere! I’m not sure what they were spraying and I certainly hope it doesn’t harm the honeybees!

Today, we keep on truckin’!

❤️

“Your word is a lamp for my feet, a light on my path.”
Psalm 119:105 NIV

Basking in the Glow of Family

Sat, 03 Aug 2019 01:30:27 -0600

“The sun goes down on the evening before my baby’s wedding. My heart is full!”

Last night was amazing. Every fear and trepidation I had beforehand dissipated as soon as we pulled into the driveway at Hubby #2’s house. He was so gracious, as was his wife. Their house is stunning. Their dogs are the sweetest things. Daughter #1 and her family were there when we arrived and soon after, my sister- and brother-in-law arrived from Utah. Oh, my gosh! It was so exciting to see them all!

Just before dinner, my daughter and her fiancée arrived and we were a complete family. My brother enjoyed everyone and joined in the conversations. It really was perfect. What I learned from this: When you hand things over to God to take care of…you have to let go of it. I knew as I was driving over from Glenwood Springs…this was going to be good. This was going to be very, very good.

After dinner, Daughter #2 came to me and said, “Mama…I have something for you to do tomorrow. You’re in charge of this…and making sure he has a seat at my wedding.”

With that she handed me a framed photo of Mr. Virgo. She was very close to her stepfather and losing him was so hard on her. The suddenness of seeing his smiling face…so totally unexpected…took my breath away and I started crying. I wasn’t the only one. It was a very special moment and it still makes me tearful as I write this. What a beautiful gesture…what a beautiful God moment….what love…what treasures I have in this family.

My baby is getting married today. My heart is so full! Thank you Jesus for every gift you have given me in this life!

❤️

“Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm; for love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame. Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot sweep it away. If one were to give all the wealth of one’s house for love, it would be utterly scorned.”
Song of Songs 8:6-7 NIV

No Worse for the Wear

Fri, 02 Aug 2019 01:30:06 -0600

“While once sleek and shiny, these vehicles still hold a deep beauty.”

We left Ridgway yesterday saying goodbye to our friends, Linda and Jim. We both choked up…goodbyes have always been difficult for me ever since I lost Mr. Virgo. We just don’t know if and when we will meet again and it tears at my heartstrings. I know Linda loves Colorado, but deep down, she has that Ohio farm girl in there somewhere. I loved watching her as she listened to Mr. FixIt’s unmistakable West Virginia accent and she was transported back over the years and the miles to the home of her youth.

Even though we didn’t go to the same high school with Linda, we know many of the same people…one of whom is Jeff. He and his wife Julie moved to the Ridgway area a couple of years ago. It’s funny how the webs of friendship cross over. Linda and Jeff were both friends with Cindy (a girl from my class) and that’s how they connected. I am friends with Cindy and that’s how Linda connected with me and the connection with Jeff was made through Linda and because he was on the boy’s gymnastics team while I competed with the girl’s team the same year. And….Mr. FixIt was on that same team with Jeff! See what a teeny tiny world it is? Jeff and Julie joined us for dinner at Linda’s Wednesday night. Mr. FixIt hadn’t seen Jeff in forty-eight years. There were lots of stories and laughs and we all had a grand time.

We drove north out of Ridgway, through Montrose and Olathe (home of Olathe Sweet Corn) and on to Delta. I kept my eyes peeled for a place I found when I was on “The Grand Adventure”…that three month odyssey into the wilderness and backroads after Mr. Virgo died. It’s just a vacant lot on the main drag that’s filled with old, broken down cars and trucks. I don’t know why it attracted me that first time, but I couldn’t wait to show Mr. FixIt.

We were almost to our turnoff to head east over McClure Pass when I saw them. Red vehicles…either from the faded and flaked paint or the rust beneath. Some had their hoods strapped down. Others had holes in the glass from years of being the target of vandals or the errant stone thrown back in the day when they motored down the highways of old. Mr. FixIt caught his breath.

“Oh, wow! Would you look at that!” A smile crept across his face and his eyes sparkled like a little boy who just found the coolest treasure stuck on a dusty shelf. I immediately pulled over and threw the truck in park. We jumped out and walked up and down the rows of derelict automobiles resting on their rims because of long ago rotted and airless tires. We peeked in through hazy windows at the scraps of stuffing clinging to the old and rusted springs of the seats inside.

“Oh, look! Is that a Nash? A Studebaker? What’s this one? Ford used to make a Cortina. Do you suppose that’s what this one is?” This went on and on as we dodged the large mud holes formed from the afternoon storms we’ve been getting and made our way through the maze of cars.

As I looked at these rusted out hulks, I thought about beauty being in the eye of the beholder. I have to be perfectly honest…I’ve had some trepidation about the wedding this weekend. My daughter’s dad lives in a world I no longer belong to. He’s a doctor, and consequently lives like a doctor in a fine house. With fine friends. And a fine wife. Fine furnishings. Fine food. A fine life. I used to circle in that orbit, although I never really felt a part of that world, although I tried very hard to make myself fit in.

I have to admit. I’ve let myself be a little self conscious about my comfortable tummy and my jelly thighs and my granny-wing upper arms knowing ever so painfully how that was judged by those in that orbit. I’ve been praying about it a lot. And God whispered to me as I wandered amongst these vehicles what were once sleek and shiny and new.

“You don’t have to fear that world. You don’t have to feel bad for the way you fit in your body all comfy-like. You don’t have to concern yourself with what anyone else thinks of you….just remember I love you. Completely. Just the way you are. Just love them all the way I love you.”

You see…the very act of feeling self conscious and judged puts me in a place where I’m being the judge. I don’t know what’s in their hearts and minds. A lot of water has gone under the bridge since those days so long ago when I circled around that orbit. It’s a foreign land to me now. I have no reason to feel “less than” anyone. I can walk right in, on the arm of a man I adore and who adores me right back. We’ve created a life that fits us perfectly and we’re perfectly happy.

It’s all about love, trust, letting go, and letting God take care of the details. I’m comfortable in this life, this body…no matter where I go or who I run into. None of this is about me anyway. It’s totally about my daughter and her joy anyway. Yes…it’s all about love!

❤️

“Yet you, Lord, are our Father. We are the clay, you are the potter; we are all the work of your hand. Do not be angry beyond measure, Lord; do not remember our sins forever. Oh, look on us, we pray, for we are all your people.” Isaiah 64:8-9 NIV

Abundance

Mon, 29 Jul 2019 01:30:54 -0600

“Heading into the Weminuche Wilderness”

Joyful abundance! Mr. FixIt is such a great traveler. I love showing him places he hasn’t seen. As a matter of fact, he told me the other night his neck hurts from swiveling back and forth, trying to take it all in. We arrived in Pagosa Springs on Friday afternoon. This is where Mr. Virgo and I lived in 2008. He was the General Manager for a 4200 acre luxury resort here and I did the marketing and catering. It was a short-lived position as our job was to try to turn their losses into profits and try as we might, it was not to be. This is the nature of being a fixer. If you can’t, they close and you lose your job. If you can, they sell and you lose your job. We didn’t really expect to be there long term.

Pagosa Springs is a gorgeous area and I enjoyed the rugged beauty of it. I did not like the short summer, long winter, and gobs of snow. So I was just as happy to get out of there and move on. Still, it is someplace I wanted Mr. FixIt to see and experience. We went out for a wonderful breakfast yesterday morning then headed to the backroads. Mr. Virgo and I used to spend every day off exploring the many dirt roads in the Weminuche Wilderness. This is where I came when I started my grief journey in Little TOW-Wanda. I carried strands of Mr. Virgo’s silver hair into the dense woods above Williams Lake and buried them at the base of a tree, affixing a cross to mark the spot.

We didn’t walk back into the woods yesterday. That wasn’t part of the deal. That was mine…my memory. As a matter of fact, as we drove deeper and deeper into the woods, I felt Mr. Virgo so strongly…as if he were gliding along with us. I told Mr. FixIt story after story. Here’s where we worked. Here’s where we shopped. Here’s where we loved to eat dinner. There’s the car wash where they had to unfreeze the doors so we could get out. That little bakery has the best pastries. This restaurant has the best coffee. My sweet husband held my hand and smiled and nodded and encouraged me to share because he knows this helps me heal and move forward.

Then…in the middle of the afternoon, we found out…great grandchild #3 is on the way!!! Another little boy…arriving in January!!!

My heart is about to explode! THIS!!! This is what I so very nearly lost in January 2000 when I overdosed. At the time, my world was so small, so dark, so difficult and I couldn’t see anything beyond that darkness. And now…look at this! My world is so blessed with such abundance and joy, I can hardly contain myself! Babies! The Wedding! My sweet husband! My wonderful family! My health! My heart!

Thank you…..thank you dearest Heavenly Father…for healing my family…for healing me…for giving me Mr. Virgo to show me I was worthy of earthly love…for giving me Mr. FixIt for helping me through the most difficult period of my life…and for this tremendous family, mine and his, that brings our numbers up and up and up! I’m so high on life, you have to scrape me off the clouds!

❤️

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”
1 Corinthians 13:4-7 NIV

One of These Things is Not Like the Other...a BABY!

Sun, 28 Jul 2019 01:30:28 -0600

“Clockwise, top left: Hollyhocks, Toes along the San Juan River, The view from Independence Pass, and….Baby Boo!!!!!”

It was a beautiful day for a baby! We had a leisurely breakfast and headed through Aspen and up Independence Pass. Mr. Fixit ooooohed and aaaaahed all the way. He’s never seen the likes of Colorado’s beauty. We stopped at the top of the pass and I was going to walk out to the windy point to take pictures but I could hardly catch my breath at 12,000+ feet elevation so I elected to stay in the car taking slow, deep breaths. I was glad to get down lower.

We stopped here and there. When I saw the sign for the turnoff to St. Elmo, I hung a right and went back in time to the 1800’s. It has probably been 40 years since I was there. We looked around at the old buildings and antiques. We sat on a bench and ate ice cream. And we finally climbed back in the truck and headed further south.

Along about Saguache…the phone rang and all I could hear was a tiny baby boy crying. “Wait….OMGosh!!! Is that a baby????? He’s here already????” Yes! Our tiny little Boo made his debut at around 5:30 eastern time weighing in at 6lbs13oz! And, of course….he’s perfect!!!

So, the mountains and the flowers, the river and the relaxing beside it….all pale in comparison to being a great grandma…again! What more could I tell you about today??? Thank you God, for protecting Mommy & Daddy and Nana’s little Boo!

❤️

“A woman giving birth to a child has pain because her time has come; but when her baby is born she forgets the anguish because of her joy that a child is born into the world.”
John 16:21 NIV

Road Trippin’

Fri, 26 Jul 2019 01:30:44 -0600

“Views from Loveland Pass”

We got a slow start yesterday. We cleaned out the truck and packed, checked and rechecked to make sure we had everything, then almost pulled away without my brother’s package we waited for. Once we retrieved that, we were on our way! We drove over to the west side of town, down through Golden, then out Clear Creek Canyon and picked up I-70 at Idaho Springs. I love starting out my trips that way. The canyon immediately makes you feel like you’re in the mountains and you don’t have to run the gauntlet that is Floyd Hill.

We exited the interstate just before the Eisenhower Tunnel and took Route 6 over Loveland Pass. We have a function on our GPS that tells you what your elevation is. It was right on…11,995 feet at the top of the pass. We stopped and took lots of pictures along the way. It was so much fun to play tourist and show Mr. FixIt some of the hidden beauty of Colorado.

We dropped down into Keystone then on into Frisco. I was hoping the weather would be cooperative and we could check out the chuck wagon dinner at Two Below Zero, but it was really cool and rainy so we decided to try another time. We walked the streets of Frisco, checked out the little shops, and ate dinner at Bread + Salt. I wasn’t overly impressed, but I was hungry so it was ok.

This is a Gypsy trip…one without reservations, except for the wedding stay. We sat in the truck and browsed the hotel.com app and chose a hotel in Keystone with a really reasonable price. $76…but with taxes and fees it was $92. Welcome to tourism in Colorado. The room was perfectly fine. The beds were comfy and clean, there wasn’t an exceptional amount of noise, and there’s a complimentary breakfast. You can’t beat that when you consider most of the others in the tourist towns here are upwards of $200 a night.

The biggest problem that occurred was when I went to check in. I cannot find my driver’s license anywhere. I’ve searched through everything. The last time I remember having it was at the Quick Care on the 22nd. I called them and the pharmacy and they don’t have it. So now I have to see if I can get a replacement sent to me here. It’s not the end of the world and it certainly won’t ruin my fun. But I am frustrated that I’ve misplaced it.

I have no idea where we’ll end up today, but no matter where it is, it will be beautiful! Colorado has some stunning scenery!!! Oh…and please send up a little prayer for our family that is scheduled to grow in the next day or two. Our great grandson will make his debut in West Virginia and we can’t be there to welcome him. Prayers for a safe delivery and a healthy, happy baby, mama, and daddy!

❤️

“If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing.”
1 Corinthians 13:2 NIV

A Glimpse of Heaven

Thu, 25 Jul 2019 01:30:08 -0600

“A Glimpse of Heaven in the Colorado Night Sky”

I knew this would happen. I blinked and a month flew by. I left on this journey exactly four weeks ago. Time is such a weird thing after loss. On the one hand…it flies. On the other…it stands still. I got some quality time with my Colorado family. Mr. FixIt has been here almost two weeks already. The package I’ve been expecting for my brother arrived yesterday so now we can pack up and go off on a little adventure on our own before the wedding.

Grandma L. is still hanging in there. She is such a strong woman. She rallies and fades, rallies and fades. They moved her from her apartment at assisted living to a skilled nursing facility on Monday. She had a dream on Tuesday night. At least, she thinks it was a dream. She was lying in bed and her legs felt like stone. But then, she was standing up…strong and vital. She looked around it was so glorious. She saw a crevice and knew she was supposed to jump over it. She knew she COULD. She didn’t see Grandpa right off, but she knew she could find him easily. Instead, she decided to come back and tell us all how absolutely peaceful and grand it is. I love that she could see it all so clearly and she isn’t afraid.

I know she might pass away while we are gone, but I didn’t want to wear her out by adding to the number of visitors going to see her. There are other closer relatives who need to spend time with her. I was able to hug on her last Saturday at her birthday party and she absolutely knows how I feel about her. Her absence will leave a gaping hole for quite some time in the lives of those who knew and loved her.

We all went out for supper last night after they moved everything out of Grandma’s apartment at the assisted living place. There were twelve of us. As I walked back to the table with my food, I paused for a moment and gazed over this beautiful family my daughter was so fortunate to marry into. Another part of my bonus family. We are so blessed…with kids and their kids and us grandparents. We are becoming the matriarchs. I thought it would take longer.

Mr. FixIt and I will head out today for a week of touring the state. We were supposed to do this with the camper, but it’ll all work out without it. I love showing him places he’s never been! So…here we go on another road trip, y’all. Hang on!

❤️

“Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.”
2 Corinthians 4:16-18 NIV

Finding Hope

Mon, 22 Jul 2019 01:30:13 -0600

“God’s promise.”

There have been so many times in my life when I felt I had no hope. I didn’t know about spiritual warfare. I didn’t know the enemy was the one whispering the lies about me into my heart and mind. My life had long stretches of darkness and it wasn’t until I became a Christian that I started to see light at the end of the tunnel.

We went to church yesterday and took Little with us. We sat with our friend Rick and his wife Connie. The pastor is preaching a series on the elements and yesterday was about the wind. And hope. He focused on Ezekiel and the valley of the dry bones. As far as Ezekiel could see, the valley floor was covered with dry, sun-bleached bones. This represented the dried up, faithless Israelites. The Lord asked Ezekiel to speak to the dry bones. To tell them to listen to the Word of the Lord. When he did this, the bones started to rattle and come together. Tendons and muscle and skin formed and soon, they looked like you and me. But they had no life. No inner spark of hope. When Ezekiel told God he had only been halfway successful, God breathed his breath upon the bodies and they came alive and rose as a mighty army.

I know what those bodies felt like. I was dry and sun-bleached in my bones for such a long time. And, when I surrendered, God blew His breath…His Spirit…into me and I rose up like a mighty warrior. Whenever I begin to feel less hopeful, I look for the wind. Mr. FixIt remarked the other day…it never seems terribly hot here in Colorado. Even when the temperature nears triple digits. The reason is two-fold. The humidity is low. And there is always a breeze. You can feel it across the hairs on your arms. And when a wisp of your hair blows across your face. You can see it in the trees and grasses of the field. You can watch it even high above the earth as the clouds in the sky scud along.

When I look for the wind, I can see the breath of God as he works over us…his children. Even when I don’t see God’s promises in my current circumstances, I know He is there…working in the background. Even in my darkest moments…during the years of depression and the overdose, during a painful divorce, during the grief I suffered after losing Mr. Virgo…He was feverishly working to turn these terrible situations into something He could use for His Glory.

Finding hope in today’s world can be so terribly difficult. It is easy to lose hope and see no way out. If you can just remember to feel the wind on your skin and focus on some good thing in your life, you can ignite hope within your soul. Even the smallest ember can be fanned into a flame when you seek and use the Breath of God.

❤️

“The hand of the Lord was on me, and he brought me out by the Spirit of the Lord and set me in the middle of a valley; it was full of bones. He led me back and forth among them, and I saw a great many bones on the floor of the valley, bones that were very dry. He asked me, “Son of man, can these bones live?” I said, “Sovereign Lord, you alone know.” Then he said to me, “Prophesy to these bones and say to them, ‘Dry bones, hear the word of the Lord! This is what the Sovereign Lord says to these bones: I will make breath enter you, and you will come to life. I will attach tendons to you and make flesh come upon you and cover you with skin; I will put breath in you, and you will come to life. Then you will know that I am the Lord.’ ” So I prophesied as I was commanded. And as I was prophesying, there was a noise, a rattling sound, and the bones came together, bone to bone. I looked, and tendons and flesh appeared on them and skin covered them, but there was no breath in them. Then he said to me, “Prophesy to the breath; prophesy, son of man, and say to it, ‘This is what the Sovereign Lord says: Come, breath, from the four winds and breathe into these slain, that they may live.’ ” So I prophesied as he commanded me, and breath entered them; they came to life and stood up on their feet—a vast army. Then he said to me: “Son of man, these bones are the people of Israel. They say, ‘Our bones are dried up and our hope is gone; we are cut off.’ Therefore prophesy and say to them: ‘This is what the Sovereign Lord says: My people, I am going to open your graves and bring you up from them; I will bring you back to the land of Israel. Then you, my people, will know that I am the Lord, when I open your graves and bring you up from them. I will put my Spirit in you and you will live, and I will settle you in your own land. Then you will know that I the Lord have spoken, and I have done it, declares the Lord.’ ””
Ezekiel 37:1-14 NIV

Avoiding the Heat

Fri, 19 Jul 2019 01:30:18 -0600

“Shrimp…it’s what’s for dinner!”

The temperature went up into the triple digits yesterday. Mr. FixIt and I hung out indoors most of the day. I did laundry and worked on the socks I’m knitting for Big. We watched some television. We visited with Ben & Sue. And we stayed cool in the air conditioning.

Finally, along about 5:00, we ventured out to the grocery store. We wanted to pick up something for dinner so I could take a turn cooking. When Ben & Sue went with us to the Outer Banks in April, we learned they love grits. I asked them if they had ever had Low Country Shrimp & Grits and they had not. We brought them a bag of grits from our trip down south last month so I wanted to fix this especially for them.

This isn’t a particularly difficult recipe to make, but it does take about an hour or so to pull together. We bought a pound of frozen medium sized tail-on shrimp, a lemon, a container of sliced mushrooms, a bunch of green onions, a package of fully cooked bacon, a package of shredded extra sharp cheddar, a small container of shredded parmesan, and a tube of minced garlic. The convenience of buying the prepped veggies, bacon, and cheese saves time.

What better source for a southern recipe than Southern Living Magazine. I had as much fun reading about the origin of this dish as I had making and serving it. You can find the full recipe and directions here:

https://www.southernliving.com/grains/grits/low-country-shrimp-and-grits

I have to say, this was a big hit for supper. There wasn’t an abundance of cooking so the kitchen didn’t get hot. It really was delicious. I made this with yellow grits, even though the recipe calls for white. I love both varieties. You know people love it when there aren’t any leftovers! We finished it off with some cold melon…watermelon and cantaloupe.

After supper, we played a few hands of rummy as we laughed and enjoyed each other’s company. Making memories. It’s the most important part of our travels.

❤️

“But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart.” Luke 2:19 NIV

Mother Cabrini Shrine

Tue, 16 Jul 2019 01:30:27 -0600

“The view from Mother Cabrini Shrine is stunning!”

The other night when I picked Mr. FixIt up from the airport, I was accelerating to get on the interstate when the transmission made an eerie slipping sound. I turned to him and said, “Did you hear that?” He did…it wasn’t just me! I had heard this same noise several times and I was really worried something was wrong with the transmission. But, Mr. FixIt has been in that truck hundreds of times and never heard it.

Before I even got up yesterday, he and Ben had looked up the number for a reputable transmission shop nearby and as soon as I had a cup of coffee, I called them up. They told me to bring the truck right in and they would check it for me. The transmission fluid was low and they added a whole quart to it. Then the manager of the shop drove the truck around and came back. He said it made every sound it was supposed to and no slips. No surprise there. However, when I got out and drove it, I was pleasantly surprised to feel and hear how smoothly it was shifting, so I think we may have fixed the problem. When we prepared to leave, I asked how much I owed them and they said, “Not a thing. You have a great trip!”

If you need a good transmission place in Arvada, Colorado…go to Jerrod’s!

Since we suddenly had a free day in front of us, we ran to Starbucks for a cup of coffee then headed to the mountains. I was thinking of taking Mr. FixIt to Red Rocks Amphitheater, but I could see dark clouds starting to form in the west. I decided instead to turn into Mother Cabrini Shrine to explore instead.

It has been a full forty years at the least since I’ve been up there. I once went up there and just sat in the field near the shrine to gaze out over downtown Denver. I haven’t explored when improvements were built there, but I don’t remember all those steps. My memory had a path going up and you could walk out into the field surrounding the statue of Jesus at the top of the hill. But, like I said…it has been four decades since I was there so I’m not sure my memory is accurate.

I was surprised the chapel didn’t have candles to light in memory of someone. But there was a grotto below and a much smaller chapel with candles. I lit four candles for special people and said prayers for all of you. Then we went down to the springs. When Mother Cabrini purchased this land for a retreat for orphans, she told others she got it so cheap because there was no water. When she explored the land, she struck a rock with a staff, it broke open, and fresh spring water flowed out from it. We each drank a glass of this miracle water and thanked God for the blessing of the water in such an arid place.

Mother Cabrini is the first American to be canonized as a Saint. There is a small museum on the property with personal articles that belonged to her. There were also religious relics on display. You could even take a free third degree relic which was a laminated card with a tiny piece of fabric which had come into contact with Mother Cabrini’s clothing somewhere along the line. It was all quite fascinating.

We left just as it started to sprinkle and headed to Olive Garden for an early supper. Then back to Ben and Sue’s. It was a fun day and a good workout with all the steps up to the Sacred Heart statue. This photo was taken about halfway up and if you zoom in, you can just make out the tall buildings of Downtown Denver in the distance. Day one of exploring is under our belts!

❤️

“"Beware of practicing your righteousness before other people in order to be seen by them, for then you will have no reward from your Father who is in heaven. "Thus, when you give to the needy, sound no trumpet before you, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, that they may be praised by others. Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward. But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your giving may be in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will reward you.”
Matthew 6:1-4 ESV

A Celebration

Mon, 15 Jul 2019 01:30:49 -0600

“Celebrating a love…and a life.”

When Mr. FixIt and I got married last October, it was really a rather spur of the moment decision. I didn’t wan’t my kids to have to spend money to come out for the wedding when we were planning a trip to Colorado this summer anyway. So, I told them we would just have a dinner together with those we love and celebrate that way.

Yesterday was our day to celebrate our wedding with our Colorado peeps. Daughter #1 organized it and we had fourteen people over for the same menu we served at the actual wedding…pulled pork sandwiches, coleslaw, chips, and drinks. In lieu of a wedding cake, and the fact that we all need to fit in our pretty dresses in three weeks for Daughter #2’s wedding, we had fruit salad instead of cake.

It was wonderful to have our loved ones around us. I really wanted them to spend some time with Mr. FixIt and get to know him better…and vice versa. It was such a lovely day and everyone had a great time. And, today is my daughter and son-in-law’s 24th Weddiing Anniversary! Remembering that beautiful day and hoping they have many, many more!

I am so blessed to have these wonderful people in my life.

I ended the day with a note of sadness, however. I found out a sweet friend of mine died after a ten year struggle with cancer. Rae Ann and I connected six years ago after I joined Sisters on the Fly. She was the only Sister in my area. Rae Ann had an infectious laugh, a gravely voice, and was the best storyteller. She could make your sides split without even trying. I had the very good fortune of camping with her several times. The last time was after she found out her cancer could not be cured. She taught me so much about living the life you have to the fullest. She was camping and kayaking up to the last couple of weeks of her life. She will be dearly missed by all who knew and loved her. Rest in peace, Rae Ann. You were a shining example of living in the moment and I celebrate your life today!

❤️

“Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have, for he has said, "I will never leave you nor forsake you."”
Hebrews 13:5 ESV

Revisiting Memories

Sat, 13 Jul 2019 01:30:54 -0600

“Daughter #2…Marching to her own drum!”

When Daughter #2 was thirteen years old, she and I took off for a three week road trip. It was epic. She was not only in that early teenager mode. We were also working on repairing the damage done from years of depression and too many prescriptions and martinis…not to mention the overdose. It took a lot out of our relationship.

When I arrived in Denver this visit, the ultimate goal is the wedding. My baby is getting married. My little Moon Pie. Only, she’s a full grown woman…out on her own…thriving…dancing to her own drum, as always. We saw each other the day after I got here and spent several hours visiting and dining out. She made me promise we would do one special thing…just the two of us…before the wedding.

She wanted to go antiquing.

I couldn’t believe my ears. Antiquing? This poor kid was dragged, kicking and screaming, into every antique store in West Virginia, I think. And several between there and Colorado. I loved going to antique stores. She did not. So, this was new. I asked her what brought on this miraculous transformation.

“I don’t know. Just…suddenly, I find myself looking at antiques online. For fun.”

Ladies and gentleman…there IS life after adolescence!!!

So, yesterday was our antiquing adventure. We started out by having lunch with Daughter #1, Big, and Little. Oh…if you have children, you know what that did to my heart…sitting there with my Colorado kids! ❤️melt After lunch, Daughter #2 and I went to the Brass Armadillo off I-70 and Kipling.

We walked in and she stopped in her tracks. Her eyes widened, her mouth dropped open, and she gasped.

“This place is HUGE!”

Yes, my girl…it is!

We wandered around for three hours. She kept grabbing my arm and pulling me over to see this or that. Lots of oooohs and aaaahs and wows. Several times she wrapped her arms around me and hugged me tight and thanked me so much for doing this with her. That’s when I realized…this was SO much more than going to see a bunch of old stuff.

This was a celebration. Of healing. Of love. Of warm memories shared. Even of forgiveness. This was a bonding ritual…something only she and I could share as the wedding rapidly approaches and her life is forever changed. This was incredibly special. And we enjoyed every minute of it.

We didn’t get to see 1/4th of the store before we were both fried. We left arm in arm and headed out to the truck. I drove her back to her car. As she prepared to leave she reached over and kissed me on the cheek.

“Thank you, mamacita. That was so much fun!”

You’re welcome, Moon Pie.

❤️

“Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from him.”
Psalm 127:3 NIV

Blog Inspiration

Thu, 11 Jul 2019 01:30:12 -0600

“Enjoying a midsummer’s eve in Colorado.”

I was talking about my blog the other day with the owner of a lovely antique store in Minturn, Colorado. Just a stone’s throw from the glitz and glamour of Vail, Minturn still holds that little mining town feel it’s had for decades. It is kind of land bound…there can’t be a ton of new expansion and building outrageous mansions for the rich and famous. The town center is located just two miles off I-70, but it seems like a step back in time.

I told the owner of the shop that my life experiences are “blog fodder”. Just about everything I do, I look for the gold in the moment. I ask myself, “How can I weave this into an interesting story without sounding like Aunt Bertha describing her breakfast for the umpteenth time?” I always look for ways my posts can be positive, uplifting, encouraging, and even empowering. I want you to come away with something good for your day…even if it’s just a smile or a giggle.

Yesterday was bittersweet as I began emptying the camper and packing the items away in plastic bins. I need to be able to fit everything in my truck, including what Mr. FixIt brings with him from West Virginia. I’ll list it tomorrow so people can shop over the weekend and hopefully she will find a new home and someone will love her as much as I have. We girl campers have a strong attachment to our little homes on wheels.

I bought some of those big ziplock bags that you vacuum the air out of and the compress the contents for easy storage. I’d never used them before but they were amazing. Ben and Sue have a huge dining room table to accommodate our large family at dinners. I had the top of that table piled two feet deep with pillows, blankets, towels, and my fur throw. By the time I got the items packed and the air vacuumed out, I couldn’t believe how compact it was. There is room in the back under the tonneau cover for one more large bin with some extra space around them. These bags will easily slip between and on top of the plastic bins, keeping the contents from getting wet.

When I was finished with my chores for the day, I went out on the back porch to write. Sue has the most beautiful flowers this summer. It has been rainy and cool up to this week so they are thriving. It’s unusual to keep pots this pretty by the middle of July here in the semi-arid climate of Colorado. The air cooled to a reasonable 81 degrees by 8:30 so I sat there for a long time…admiring the beauty of a midsummer’s eve.

I hope you are enjoying your summer. I was telling Sue at supper list night…I think I’ve only been home a week or so since the last week of May. It’s ok…I’m having a wonderful time and it will only be made better by Mr. FixIt’s arrival on Saturday. Two more sleeps!!!

❤️

“In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.”
Ephesians 5:28 NIV

A Quick Road Trip

Tue, 09 Jul 2019 01:30:18 -0600

“I stopped at Grizzly Creek to catch a shot of the runoff from the snowmelt.”

I decided to make a quick trip up to the mountains to see my brother yesterday. We only get to see each other a few short days when I come to Colorado every summer. Bless his heart…I felt he looked better this time than he did last summer. Although he uses a walker all the time now, he seemed stronger. He is shrinking with age and the first thing he always asks me is, “Are you getting taller???”

My brother has cerebral palsy and some diminished intellectual capacity. His memory has never been very good and it’s only getting worse. He thought I hadn’t come to see him in years but I see him every summer. I told him I would try to figure out how to FaceTime with him. Computers are too complicated for him, but a friend told me about something called a “GrandPad”. I think it’s just for email and pictures though. It doesn’t do video chat. We’ll work something out.

I was a little saddened by the way this little town I lived in for so many years has grown. There were so many people there yet I saw just about all I wanted to see in a couple of hours. The traffic is terrible. It barely resembles the sleepy little cow town we moved to in 1986. The price of progress is often quality of life. Yes, there’s a lot to do now. But that means everyone and their brother wants to come do it. Good for the economy. Bad for the working person. The price of housing is astronomical.

I stayed with my good friend Terri last night. We’ve known each other for many, many years and she lives right around the corner from my old house. We drove by on our way to dinner. I had visited the cemetery earlier and talked with Mr. Virgo. I was a little distressed by the overgrown weeds up there. When I mentioned it to Terri later, she pointed out the vacant lots in the subdivision. The weeds and wild grasses are nearly three feet high in some places. Like much of the rest of the country, Colorado has had a very wet and cool year which promotes overgrowth. Then, when things get really hot and dry out in August, there’s a lot of fuel for wildfires. We pray a lot about that here.

My brother has a full schedule today, so I’m going to head back to Denver. The title for the camper arrived yesterday so I’m going to finish emptying it out and preparing it to sell. Four more sleeps and my sweetheart arrives in Denver!

❤️

“Yet he has not left himself without testimony: He has shown kindness by giving you rain from heaven and crops in their seasons; he provides you with plenty of food and fills your hearts with joy.””
Acts 14:17 NIV

Quality Time

Mon, 08 Jul 2019 01:30:19 -0600

“Little snoozing in the morning sunshine.”

Yesterday was so much fun. Little absolutely loved sleeping in the camper. She went to sleep much earlier than usual and I had to wake her up in time to have some breakfast before we left for church. She was very excited to go to “Nana’s Church.” The contemporary mega church model suits Little’s personality to a T. She sat with me and was focused on the sermon throughout. She loved the praise and worship music. She was so animated when we came out of church and declared she wants to go every week. I am highly encouraging that because she had a definite light about her when we came out.

After church, I took Little home and traded….Big came shopping with me all afternoon. We walked all over Flatirons Crossing Mall, had a delicious lunch at California Pizza Kitchen, enjoyed ice cream on our rest break between stores. She is a frugal shopper and had a wonderful time picking out just what she wanted. As I expected, they were things like athletic wear from Dick’s Sporting Goods…with a definite fashionista flair.

The weather here in Colorado has been quite lovely. We have had rain just about every day and it cools things off nicely. The nights have been wonderful for sleeping in the camper with just the windows open and maybe a small fan. Daughter #2 is in the process of changing jobs and found out today her new job doesn’t start till after the wedding. That means we get some more time together this week. I’m so happy for her. This new job pays more, utilizes her degree, and sends her in a direction that offers advancement.

Mr. FixIt is tying up loose ends at home…preparing to fly to Colorado this weekend. I can’t wait to see him! We really miss each other when we’re apart. He has mowing to do and business to attend to. I’ve been looking up things to do to replace the camping portion of our trip. I’d love to show him the Four Corners area and Mesa Verde. We’ll see what all we have time for.

I hope you enjoyed your 4th of July weekend and have a wonderful Monday!

❤️

“Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.” 1 Timothy 5:8 NIV

Making “Little” Memories!

Sun, 07 Jul 2019 01:30:08 -0600

“Little’s nest in TOW-Wanda!”

Little is here! She has been at camp all week and we only saw each other for an hour after I arrived last Sunday. I spent a good deal of time with Big this week, so I could hardly wait till Little got back and came over to “camp” with me.

She is my camper. No one else in my Colorado family is even remotely interested in camping. We had big plans to take the camper up in the mountains and stay a couple of days, but with the unfortunate demise of TOW-Wanda…we had to change plans.

I have the camper pulled around behind Ben & Sue’s house, underneath a locust tree. It doesn’t offer anything but a feeling of protection from the frequent hail storms we’ve had this week. I’m plugged into electric and water so I have all the comforts of home in my own little suite.

This incarnation of TOW-Wanda has a queen sized bed with a memory foam mattress that is swoon worthy. It had a bunk bed over the queen bed that also had a memory foam mattress on it. I removed that because I couldn’t sit up without hitting my head. The little dinette collapses down to make a separate twin sized bed that uses the seat cushions for a mattress. Not comfortable for an adult, but just fine for a kid.

Since I’ll be selling this camper here, I went to Walmart yesterday and bought some plastic tubs with tight fitting lids. I spent a couple of hours yesterday taking things out of the camper and fitting them neatly into the storage bins and put them in the back of my truck underneath the tonneau cover. See? There’s a reason I got that before this trip!

With all the extras removed, Little has plenty of room to stretch out and be comfortable while she camps with me. We went out for ribs last night. (Big is a vegetarian so Little and I have to get our carnivore cravings satisfied while her sister isn’t with us.) We had “Mamma Mia: The Movie” downloaded on the iPad to watch after dark.

I don’t get to see my Colorado grands very often…so when I do, I need to make deep and lasting memories with them. Camping with Little last night. Shopping with Big this afternoon. Life is so good!

❤️

“Children’s children are a crown to the aged, and parents are the pride of their children.”
Proverbs 17:6 NIV

Here Comes the Rain Again!

Sat, 06 Jul 2019 01:30:31 -0600

“Looking east as the sun set over Arvada.

I think I brought the rain with me from West Virginia. We got about an inch of rain in two days in the northwest suburbs of Denver. It dropped from the mid 80’s to 75…then in thirty minutes it dropped down to 60 degrees. Lots of small, pea sized hail but no damage that I can see.

Along with Colorado’s severe thunderstorms, California had a 7.1 earthquake aftershock last night, Europe is having an unprecedented heat wave, and West Virginia just sits and soaks in sweat. It’s crazy weather. I hope things settle down soon. It’s downright chilly here right now.

I’ve been “camping” at Ben & Sue’s house. We pulled the camper back under a locust tree for some little bit of protection from the elements. When you are in the camper, even pea and marble-sized hail sounds like a gunshot. Little is going to come join me and “camp” tonight. I had to tell her the camper is broken so we can’t go to the mountains like we wanted to. She is so easy going. She said she didn’t care where we camped, as long as we were together!

I’m sad I’ll be saying goodbye to this camper sometime this month. It has such a beautiful layout and is pristine inside. I know the right person will come along and be so happy to get her to place on a piece of property or in the back yard. I’ll just keep praying about it. Mr. FixIt put the title in the mail to me today so I should receive it Monday or Tuesday.

My sweet man arrives in Colorado a week from today! I can hardly wait to see him!!! He’ll be at the baby shower today for our little great grandson due this month. We got him a crib. I’m so sorry I’ll be missing that but I’m busy making memories here!

❤️

“He loads the clouds with moisture; he scatters his lightning through them. At his direction they swirl around over the face of the whole earth to do whatever he commands them. He brings the clouds to punish people, or to water his earth and show his love.”
Job 37:11-13 NIV

Hail, Hail...The Gang’s All Here!

Fri, 05 Jul 2019 01:30:30 -0600

“The beauty of sunshine and lilies.”

Daughter #2 and I got a chance to spend a few hours together yesterday. We had coffee at the house then went shopping at Target. Man, that store has changed since the last time I went there. I used to shop Target all the time, but we don’t have one anywhere near where we live in West Virginia. After shopping at Walmart all these years, Target looks like an upscale department store.

We went out to breakfast at Sam’s No. 3…a wonderful diner in Cherry Creek that has the most extensive menu I think I have ever seen. Eggs Benedict was my choice yesterday and it was divine. If you ever go to Denver and get to spend any time there, you really should go.

We had a big family gathering with those who were in town yesterday. Lots of food and homemade ice cream. The fireworks were going off all around us. And Mother Nature provided some of her own! We had two big storms blow through with a tornado watch and lots of hail. It did succeed in cooling things off immensely, which was very nice.

I showed the girls the dresses I’ve bought that I could wear to the wedding and we all agreed on one. Also, I gave them the quilt I made for their wedding gift and they loved it! It was a beautiful day with my Colorado family.

❤️

“Listen to your father, who gave you life, and do not despise your mother when she is old.”
Proverbs 23:22 NIV

Independence Day!!!

Thu, 04 Jul 2019 01:30:37 -0600

“Colorado’s sky is always amazing!”

It seems like I’m in Denver just about every Independence Day. Since I don’t travel here in the winters anymore, I make my trips extra long in the summer and they just about always hit during this fun, but noisy, holiday. As I am writing this, neighborhood fireworks are going off all around me and it sounds like a war zone.

Yesterday, I helped Daughter #1 upholster a padded cover for a chest she uses as a coffee table. Their new couch doesn’t have the recliners like her old one and they needed something comfortable to prop up their feet when they watch TV. It turned out beautiful and we were very proud when it was finished.

Big has her learner’s permit and I rode with them to lunch yesterday. It brought back memories of when I taught her mommy how to drive. I was very pregnant at the time and it was quite an adventure. My granddaughter is a very conservative driver and she did a great job. I cannot imagine learning to drive in Denver traffic! It’s crazy busy here all the time now…not just rush hour.

I forget how amazingly beautiful Colorado’s sky is! We came out of the grocery store at sunset yesterday and the clouds and light were stunning in every single direction. I stood there like a tourist seeing it for the first time…turning round and round taking pictures in the parking lot.

Today is full of family, food, and fun! I hope you all have a fun and safe holiday!!!

❤️

“Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.”
2 Corinthians 3:17 NIV

The Mother-Daughter Dance

Tue, 02 Jul 2019 01:30:51 -0600

“I am a Happy Camper!”

I danced with my mother. Not literally…but figuratively we went round and round and round. She always knew I loved her and I knew she loved me right back. I made sure of that. But we aggravated the heck out of each other more than I care to admit. We were still moving in that circle when she died rather suddenly at the age of seventy-eight. By that time, my own daughters were well on their way to dancing with me.

My older daughter was very pregnant with my mother’s first great-grandchild and couldn’t come to her grandma’s funeral. I didn’t bring my younger daughter either because she was only nine and in school. I traveled to mom’s funeral alone half the way, meeting up with my Aunt Rosie in the Charlotte Airport for the last flight in.

I have good girls. They are as different as night and day and are often like oil and water, but deep down they love each other because they are sisters. I wasn’t always a very good mother to them. There was that long stretch when I was deeply depressed and nearly non-functional. I drank too much and I took too many prescription drugs. When I overdosed, it ripped the fabric of our relationship and I feared I would never, ever get them back.

We danced our own dance. We went round and round and we didn’t know how to reach each other. I hurt them in ways I couldn’t even begin to fathom till I got well. Then I had to rebuild their trust in me. It was hard, painful work. There were times I was absolutely certain they hated me. But they didn’t really. I wasn’t the only one who had to learn who this new version of me was.

I watch Daughter #1 with her kids. I watch her face some of the same issues I faced and she handles them so much better than I did because she has a wonderful, stable marriage she isn’t also struggling to fix. I love watching her with the girls. Big is learning to drive. She is tall and athletic…a swimmer. She is bright and accomplished and dedicated. Little is part mini-me…part mini-mom. She is petite and eclectic…artistic and sensitive…bright and compassionate. She is a little shooting star.

Last night, I sat at swim practice with Daughter #1 and talked for a couple of hours. It was the first time in a long time that I felt like I didn’t have to hold my breath out of fear I’d say or do the wrong thing and not be the mom I should be. That is baggage I am happy to set down. I knitted while we chatted. There was a warm, easy acceptance that flowed between us and I realized I could relax now. We’re ok. It was a long storm, but we weathered it. We’re better with each other. My heart felt full.

Her kids are older now. She’s had some experience with life that she hadn’t had back when I let them down. I think she gets me a little better these days. We’re all a little older, a little wiser, a little softer. I think now, our dance is sweeter.

❤️

“"Behold, everyone who uses proverbs will use this proverb about you: 'Like mother, like daughter.'” Ezekiel 16:44 ESV

America’s Bread Basket is Baking!

Sun, 30 Jun 2019 01:30:10 -0600

“Clockwise from top left: My rig in the summer sun in Kansas, the long straight stretch that is Kansas…look how green!, my digital laser thermometer that I use to check my hub temperatures at every stop, me looking decidedly fresher in the AM than I was by evening!”

You know you are getting into farm and ranch land when you start seeing billboards advertising bovine genetics and DEKALB seed corn. I left the Lazy Day Campground in Danville, Missouri yesterday morning about 8:00. It was a very long, very HOT day. A section of I-70 was closed at Kansas City so I took the recommended detour. I recognized it as the route I usually take anyway to avoid downtown. There is one interchange on the interstate near the city where you have to get from the right hand side onramp to a left hand side exit in less than 1/4 mile. Pulling a camper makes that a real challenge, let me tell you!!! At least it wasn’t with big TOW-Wanda on a Friday night at rush hour. We have to look for the little things!

When I was emptying the tanks on the camper before I left yesterday, it wasn’t 8:00 yet and the sun would take the hide right off of you. The temperature quickly soared to the high 90’s and by the time I was halfway through Kansas, it was 100. The low was only expected to go down to 80 so I stopped and got a hotel room. When I first got in the room, I cranked up the air conditioner and stretched out on the bed. I texted Mr. FixIt and said, “I am NEVER doing this again!!!” He texted back that I don’t have to. I’m holding him to it!

Ok, it was the third day. It was hard. It was hot. I was tired and probably a little hungry and dehydrated. And knowing I have over 350 more miles to go had me feeling really sorry for myself there for a few minutes. But, once I rested for a while and got something to eat and drink, I felt a ton better. When I stop tonight, it’s going to be at my son-in-law’s parents’ house so I’ll be with family. It’s going to take me a week to rest up and acclimate to the altitude. Mr. FixIt will join me on the 13th so that time will pass quickly.

I had a lot of time to think about this as I was driving yesterday. I don’t like being this far away from Mr. FixIt. I thought about that from every angle. I asked myself if it was co-dependency. I don’t think it’s that at all. I do all kinds of things without him and I don’t need to be attached at the hip. I talked with my dear friend Deneene about this last night. She lost her husband unexpectedly about a year after Mr. Virgo died. She is also recently remarried. We decided it’s not co-dependency at all. It’s the fact that we KNOW what can happen and how quickly it can come. I don’t think it’s that I’m doing something without him. It’s that I’m doing something so far away from him and I can’t get to him quickly. THAT I don’t like at all.

Still, it is fun in many ways. I’ve seen some beautiful countryside. The sky was blue and wide open. I’ve forgotten what that looks like living in West Virginia. (I took the picture while driving but my phone was in a cradle and all I did was touch the screen. No eyes off the road for me!) I don’t have anything pressing to do once I get to Denver so I can relax and catch up on my rest, keep myself really hydrated to counteract the altitude, knit, write, and visit with my Colorado peeps. I could not believe how green Kansas is. They had the same long, drawn out, wet spring everyone else had. It is so hard to believe the temperature is in the high 90’s in Colorado and one week ago they had two feet of snow. Crazy weather!

Oh, see that picture bottom right? That’s my digital laser thermometer. After burning up an axle in Indiana two summer ago, I check my hubs religiously…every time I stop and get out of the truck. I know you can just put your hand down there and feel if it’s hot, but how hot is too hot and if it IS that hot, you’ll burn the heck out of your hand. I keep watch on it and it’s always between 100-110. That’s perfect. If it goes up, it means the bearings need grease.

Well, I’m on the last leg of this Grand Adventure. The last leg of the first part of it, anyway! It’s just me and Jesus…making our way west!

❤️

“….“The Lord watch between you and me, when we are out of one another’s sight.”

Genesis 31:49 ESV

#Separation, #Marriage, #Adventure

Road Trip: Can’t Keep a Good Gal Down!

Fri, 28 Jun 2019 01:30:19 -0600

“A Shady Spot”

If you would have asked me at 10:00 Wednesday night, I would have told you (as I told you this morning) there was NO WAY I was going to leave for Colorado yesterday morning. Ahhhh…but, once I got past the icky stomach, took my tummy medicine, and slept a solid eight hours, it was a whole different ballgame.

Because I was getting up and down, I slept in the guest room so I wouldn’t wake up Mr. FixIt. I awoke before dawn…around 5:00…and felt great. I read my devotionals and caught up on some correspondence then my sweetheart came to check on me around 7:00. I met him with a big smile and said I was good to go! He smiled back with relief. He doesn’t like it when I’m sick anymore that the other way around.

It took a couple of hours to finish packing the truck and camper and I was on the road by 9:00. My first stop was Walmart to pick up a few things. I had some things to return. I got back to the camper and put away my purchases and got in the truck. There were my return items sitting on the front seat. Oy! I really didn’t want to cart them to Colorado so I went back in and stood in a long, slow line. But, it’s done and I was out before too long.

The next and final stop was gas and a great big drink to stay hydrated on my trip. The young gal behind the counter was very excited because she is leaving on vacation today. Her very first camping trip! Well, I turned right back around and talked with her for awhile! I sure hope she has a grand time and decides to keep right on camping! Those first few camping trips are critical. You’ll either love it or hate it.

It was really hot yesterday and about midway through my drive, I pulled over into a rest area to stretch out on my bed. Well, it was over 90 degrees! Of course, when you pull into a rest area, there’s no electricity, so no AC. You need to improvise. The last time I drove cross country alone, I stopped in Kansas for a rest and needed to do something to cool off. I had a tiny little battery fan and a cold pack from the freezer. It worked ever so slightly, but it wasn’t long before the cold pack was melted and that was the end of that.

When I was at Walmart yesterday, I bought two 10” fans that are powered by fan and batteries. I’ve also taken to carrying a very large bottle of water that I keep in the freezer of the camper. Went I stretched out on my bed yesterday, I sat the large frozen container in a basin and put the fan behind it. I also had three water bottles I had frozen. I set them up in front of the other fan. I positioned myself in front of the cool air and had a lovely mini siesta. Perfect! I popped all the bottles back in the freezer before I pulled back on the highway.

“Hillbilly Air Conditioner!”

That right there is a little hillbilly ingenuity. Appalachians are a resourceful lot. I arrived at my favorite little campground in Richmond, Indiana at around 5:30…had supper from my slow cooker and enjoyed the beautiful surroundings as the sun went down. I tried to keep from turning on the AC, but it was still 85 degrees at 8:00 and I was done with the heat by that time. I’ve never slept all night with the AC on in this little camper. It’s pretty noisy in this tiny little space.

I wrote early last night so I could have a good solid night’s sleep. Yesterday was a long day, but I didn’t get very far. That’s usually how it works on the first day out. For me, anyway. I monitored all the systems on the camper and the truck and everything worked just as it should so I don’t foresee any difficulties. As always, I say my prayers for travel mercies. I appreciate when you do, as well.

Have a beautiful Friday!!!

❤️

“Guard me, O Lord, from the hands of the wicked; preserve me from violent men, who have planned to trip up my feet.”
Psalms 140:4 ESV

The Simple Things

Mon, 24 Jun 2019 01:30:28 -0600

“My birthday present…a shade for the tractor!”

Mr. FixIt and I were in Florida on my birthday. Like most men…smart men, anyway…he wanted me to tell him what I would like for my birthday. I told him, if I were younger, I would dearly love to have a chainsaw. He smiled. I told him all the great things I would do with a chain saw. The only thing is, I don’t have the upper body strength to do much with a chain saw anymore. So it was a rather moot point.

I couldn’t think of anything else. I don’t need tchotchkes. I like to buy my own clothes. I don’t need jewelry or anything fancy. Experiences are the best, but I was even drawing a blank for that. Finally, I told him there would come a moment when I would know exactly what I would like to have for my birthday and he could buy it then.

After church yesterday, we stopped at Lowes to pick up some dust masks so I can mow without worrying about getting another sinus infection. While we were there, I turned to Mr. FixIt.

“Do they make some sort of umbrella or something to put on the riding mower so when I’m out mowing, I’m not sitting out in the hot sun?”

“I’m sure they do, sweetheart. Let’s go look.”

We came around the corner to the riding mower display and there, before my very eyes, was exactly what I wanted! My husband always looks at me in a rather bemused way…as though I’m some sort of strange and exotic creature he’s never seen before. And, I suppose in a way, I am. He has never known a woman who would want a sunshade for the riding mower as her birthday present.

When we got home, he put my shade together and…unfortunately…there was a piece that was broken on it. I managed to fiddle with it and made it work yesterday while I was mowing, but we will return it for one that isn’t broken. It worked really well. The only think is, you have to be really careful when you are going under trees because the low hanging limbs will knock it down.

When I finished mowing, I came around the corner and Mr. FixIt was in the pool cleaning it out so that when I was done, I could take a refreshing dip. What a sweet man! Afterward, we went to the local pizza joint. We ran into my cousins and visited with them while we ate. It was a perfect, sunny summer day. My grandma would have declared we are “knee deep in June.” She would have been absolutely correct!

❤️

“While the earth remains, seedtime and harvest, cold and heat, summer and winter, day and night, shall not cease."”
Genesis 8:22 ESV

Home Again, Home Again!

Sun, 23 Jun 2019 01:30:48 -0600

“Clockwise from top: The BEST Carolina BBQ I have EVER eaten…Phifers!, I almost finished one sock this trip, Griffen the Grey (a French Bulldog), a field of yellow lilies.”

I love a good road trip. And I love getting back to my own bed. In this case…the one in TOW-Wanda! I have missed this camper so much while we were gone. Isn’t that silly? Mr. FixIt and I were trying to explain to our friends in South Carolina the merits of sleeping in our little camper out on our property with this really great memory foam mattress. I think they got it. No matter…we made a bee line home yesterday and I barely emptied the truck before I was stretched out and writing this!

I got a text from Big yesterday asking if we were about to get hit with some bad storms. I thought we had dodged them, but apparently not. We stopped in Statesville, NC at an RV dealer to get something when the sky started looking really menacing. We hurried over to our favorite BBQ joint and just got seated when the rain started coming down in buckets.

This barbecue place was just a chance find a couple of years ago. We stopped over night in Statesville that trip and the gal at the front desk said we had to go to Phifer’s for the best BBQ in North Carolina. Now, I’m not a huge fan of the North Carolina style sauce. It has more of a mustard base and has a distinct vinegary taste to it. But theirs? Oh…..my…..gosh. It is sublime!

I asked the nice BBQ lady yesterday what the best thing on their menu was. She said, “ALL of the things!” I said…bring it!

I had a BBQ sandwich with the slaw on it. And a side of fries. I am a fast eater. Mr. FixIt is always getting on me about that. Not yesterday. I savored every last morsel. And, I kid you not, when I beheld the last bite between my thumb and index finger…I felt sad. It was over! It ended far too soon!!! It was a heady experience that I wanted to hang onto. The sauce has just the slightest kick to it. And it seemed there were red pepper flakes in the meat itself. So my mouth held onto this delicious warmth for an hour or so afterwards. I have never experienced food in such a way before!

I want to get back in the car and live next door to this place.

Is that so unreasonable?

Ok…ok. I’ll just have to wait till the next time, I suppose. Uber eats would be WAY over the top, right?

It rained on us part of the way home but it wasn’t too bad. I almost finished knitting one sock of the pair. I caught a picture of a field of yellow lilies. And there’s little Griffen, the grey! He was just as kissable as he looks.

And here it the very best part…there was NO water in the basement!!! Thank you, Jesus…we’re coming to Your house this morning!

❤️

“Go, eat your bread with joy, and drink your wine with a merry heart, for God has already approved what you do.”
Ecclesiastes 9:7 ESV

A Sweet Treat...Yarn!

Wed, 19 Jun 2019 01:30:04 -0600

“Clockwise from Top Left: Hibiscus, Chasing the rain, Low Country Shrimp & Grits, Fishing Boats, New yarns & a present, interesting sand castle.”

One of my readers sent me a message the other day and said I simply MUST go check out the little yarn shop in Ormond Beach. I told her I would sure try to get there. But, I’ve purchased yarn everywhere the last year and I just was having a hard time justifying going because I knew I wouldn’t get out the door without at least two more sock yarns.

I was right! After receiving a little nudge from her yesterday, I told Mr. FixIt we should head to She Sells Yarn after our walk on the beach. He is such a good sport. He’ll take me anywhere I want to go. We walked in and I introduced myself. The owner (Helen) said, “Oh! You have a gift here!!!” Sure enough, there was a little package with my name on it and a jaunty “Happy Birthday” message written on the bag. Inside were little locally-made turtle stitch markers! Thank you, Cindy!!! That was so sweet of you to think of me!

She Sells Yarn is a beautiful shop with a wonderful collection of yarns. I am always partial to locally raised, spun, or dyed yarns and this place didn’t disappoint. One in particular that intrigued me was String Theory Colorworks’ “Matrix”…a blend of 80% SW Merino, 10% Cashmere, and 10% Stellina (to give it sparkle…who doesn’t like a little sparkly in their socks?) This yarn is developed and “lovingly hand dyed” by a husband/wife duo living in Orlando. He is an engineer, she is a biology major. One day she asked, “Honey? Wouldn’t it be cool if…?” And the ball got rolling. She started dying yarn that night with a mathematically determined pattern that would guarantee an even repeating stripe pattern. With their backgrounds, they decided all their yarns had to have science-y names. And the rest is history.

The other yarn is by Violet Flamingo Fibers of Satellite Beach, Florida. Wendy uses ethically sourced and cruelty free fibers for happy socks with good karma. The yarns are all hand dyed in beautiful colorways named after local attractions, flora, and fauna. I chose a mix of bright primary colors called Daytona Beach Boardwalk. This fingering weight yarn is a blend of 85% merino and 15% nylon which will knit up into a lovely, non-pilling sock.

Thursday night is Fiber Friends night at She Sells Yarn so I am looking forward to toting my knitting down and chatting with some of the local makers and meeting new friends. We’ve heard there have been terrible rains in West Virginia since we’ve been gone so we are heading out Friday to drive home with stops along the way to visit dear friends. Even with my darned sinus infection, we’ve still had a wonderful, very restful and relaxing vacation. It won’t be long after we get home that I’ll be packing up the camper and heading to Colorado!

Stay tuned in the coming weeks for some really fun and interesting developments in my world! I’m getting excited…and you should, too!

❤️

“Let the favor of the Lord our God be upon us, and establish the work of our hands upon us; yes, establish the work of our hands!”
Psalms 90:17 ESV

Working Vacation

Tue, 18 Jun 2019 01:30:34 -0600

“I can’t think of many places that are prettier to write than at the beach!”

If writing is my “job”, then I’m always working…every day…365. It doesn’t FEEL like work. They say if you find something you love to do, you’ll never work another day in your life. And I do love to write. I once tried to calculate how many words I’ve written since Mr. Virgo died. I stopped at a million. That was a long time ago.

Everything I see or do becomes “blog fodder”. An opportunity to tell a story, share an insight, or discover new places together. I love telling stories. Where I find my stretch is in writing “content”….a disconnected observation without personal viewpoints involved. It’s more like news reporting. I have been contracted to do some of this type of writing and it doesn’t come nearly as easy to me.

Back when I first attempted writing, I asked a press writer/photographer to read some of my work and give me an honest opinion. He told me it would never be publishable. I put too much of myself in my writing. In his defense, this was before blogs. But still, he was the wrong person to ask, or take and opinion from. If I hadn’t have listened to him, I might have been writing for the the last twenty years instead of the last six.

Part of this new project does use my writing style, and I am most grateful for that. I am blessed that I have a husband who knew from the get go that my writing is as much a part of me as my arms or legs. He isn’t the kind of guy that needs babysitting or entertained on an ongoing basis. He has his own interests that he pursues when I sit down at the keyboard. I am careful to keep things balanced, but when I am working on a deadline, I have to get in the zone.

Can you think of a prettier place to sit and write than on the beach? My only problem this day was the wind and my shorter haircut. The wind slowly sent my beach umbrella listing at a forty-five degree angle. And it had my hair in my face and eyes to the point of utter distraction. I packed up and moved up to the pool area. Much less wind and reflection on the screen of my iPad, but by then, my battery was low.

At that point, my only option if I wanted to get this thing knocked out was to go back indoors. It was a good thing Mr. FixIt was ready to go inside, as well. A pitcher of ice tea was made. Some peanut butter and crackers and a bowl of berries were consumed. And my sweetheart headed off to Walmart for a loaf of bread and a jug of milk so I could get back to work without distraction.

I write. It’s what I do. I’ve said it before…I can’t NOT write. I’ve tried. Those of you who have been with me all along can surely remember the times I’ve said, “Hey! I’m going camping and I’ll be off the grid for a few days…see ya when I get back!” Yeah, not so much. I will drive to the top of a mountain to find enough cell signal to post a story. It’s a sickness. An obsession. An addiction. But it’s one I have no intention of walking away from because the benefits I have gained from my writing has far outweighed any inconvenience it has caused.

Till tomorrow…be blessed!

❤️

“Beautiful words fill my mind, as I compose this song for the king. Like the pen of a good writer my tongue is ready with a poem.”
Psalm 45:1 GNT

Happy Birthday!

Thu, 13 Jun 2019 01:30:17 -0600

“Happy Birthday, to ME!”

June is my birthday month.

I love June. I love my birthday. So I just combine them and celebrate the whole month!

After sleeping twelve hours straight on Tuesday night, Mr. FixIt and I went down to the beach and walked then played in the pool for a while. After lunch, I took a three hour nap. Seeing a trend there? It’s all about ME ‘cause it’s my birthday month!

Just as I woke up, Mr. FixIt walked in to make sure I didn’t sleep too long and not be able to sleep later. Then he asked me that question every woman longs to hear.

“How would you like to go eat ice cream for dinner?”

Back off girls…I saw him first!

Yes, ladies…I have married the perfect man. Not only does he celebrate my birthday with me for a month…but he also takes me out for an ice cream dinner. Sexiest man alive.

After a dinner of butter pecan in a chocolate dipped waffle cone, we drove around. We shopped at a couple of Mr. FixIt’s stores. We found Aldi’s and picked up a few groceries. Wonderful strawberries for a dollar.

A simple day…Birthday Eve.

Today is my actual birthday.

Sixty-six. Wow. Why does it sound so much older than sixty-five?

Some of the grandchildren were over Monday evening before we left. I told them how old I was going to be.

“Sixty-six! Can you believe that? It has been half a century since I was sixteen! Half a century!!! You know that’s fifty years, right???”

My wise grandson-in-law said, “Did it go fast?”

How do you answer that? Yes…it flew by in a nanosecond! No, it lasted forever! It’s both.

It’s the coolest thing…to be sixteen plus fifty. I was sixteen in 1969…the summer of love. “God Bless Pink Summers ‘69!” That’s how my best friend signed her letters when she was off at a summer internship. Woodstock. Rock and Roll. Hippies. Bell bottoms. Long hair.

I thought I was free.

I was so wrong.

It took living those fifty years to actually BECOME free. Funny how that works. I’d hate to have gone through all that and not learned the beautiful, hard, gritty, wonderful lessons involved.

Sixty-six. Nope, that doesn’t bother me a bit.

I’m a crone now. I love that!

Happy Birthday to ME!

❤️

““ ‘ “The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make his face shine on you and be gracious to you; the Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace.” ’” Numbers 6:24-26 NIV

One Hour & Thirty-Five Dollars = A Haircut

Thu, 06 Jun 2019 01:30:12 -0600

“Before and After…what a difference a haircut makes!”

I haven’t really felt like my perky self for a while. Nothing I could really put my finger on. Maybe a little tired. Maybe a little down about aging. I’ve been losing weight but avoiding the mirror. It didn’t really dawn on me till I saw pictures from the baptism a couple of weeks ago and I was up on the stage with my bonus granddaughter. Gasp! I looked SO old! I looked like my grandma. Not that that is a bad thing, but I’m talking in her 80’s. I was in desperate need of a haircut!

I always celebrate birthday month…not just a week or a weekend or a day. Nope…I was born in June…I celebrate JUNE! This month I turn 66. It’s only a number. I have more energy than I did at half my age. I remember when I turned 26. I was SO depressed! It had been a WHOLE DECADE since I got my driver’s license. Give me a break! Now it’s been half a century since I got my driver’s license. insert eye roll here

No, it wasn’t my actual calendar age that was getting to me. It was my hair. I got lazy. I got tired of going in every six weeks and getting it cut. I got tired of sometimes having the perfect cut and other times wondering what went wrong. I got tired of spending the money on something that you just have to do over and over and over.

It’s not my fault really. I saw beautiful older women on Pinterest…long flowing locks of silver hair caressing unnaturally perky breasts. Stylishly dressed. Leaning against brick buildings in downtown New York City….their jacket carelessly draped across their shoulders…their chunky boho jewelry and oversized sunglasses deflecting my gaze from anything that could barely be called crepe-y skin. No…Pinterest assured me I would look uber chic with long, silver hair.

Then, I took a look at myself and wondered what on earth possessed me to do such a thing. Me…in my JCPenney sleeveless summer dress made from t-shirt material. Me…of the ample upper arms and comfortable tummy. Me…of the “I know I have makeup SOMEWHERE in this house!” Me…of the Chacos and farmer tan and clip-on sunglasses and floppy brimmed had and a riding mower. Yeah…it was time for a reality check.

I called Michelle on Tuesday and cried uncle. I said, “You win! I’m coming in to cut it off!” I’m almost sure I heard an audible sigh of relief from the other end of the phone. “How’s tomorrow at 11:00?” She didn’t want to wait too long for fear I might change my mind.

An hour. Thirty-five dollars. That’s all it took to bring back my sparkle. It’s really true…if you LOOK good, you FEEL good. I walked out of there feeling like a million bucks! It’s such a simple thing…getting a haircut. Oh, and a pedi. A MUCH needed pedi. I hadn’t had a “Me Day” for such a long time. It was way overdue and I feel so much better.

I sent the before and after photos to Mr. FixIt with a note…”Here’s the girl you fell in love with!” And you wanna know what he said?

“You’re beautiful…but, I didn’t fall in love with your hair.”

My cheeks hurt from smiling.

❤️

“Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.” 1 Peter 4:8 NIV

Finding my Father

Wed, 05 Jun 2019 01:30:35 -0600

“I don’t remember having a loving relationship with my dad…ever.”

Father’s Day is coming soon. I don’t remember ever seeing a photo of my dad holding me. I don’t remember him offering his hand to help me walk. I don’t recall any kissed booboos or falling asleep in his lap. I do remember him bouncing my brother and me on his knees to the tune of Bonanza when it aired on Sunday nights. I remember watching fireworks from the car three blocks away from the park. I remember going fishing with him…once. I wouldn’t touch the worm. He was done.

My relationship with my dad was complicated. Like every little girl, I sought his approval. It never came. I sought his love. He didn’t know how to give it. He never saw me sing on stage. He never watched me perform on the balance beam. As my brother and I aged, Dad became more and more lost in a bottle of Four Roses.

By the time I was an antagonistic teenager, our relationship had devolved into angry shouting matches and stony silence. He became “the man who lived upstairs”. I married and left home with the first boy who would have me and I didn’t look back. By the time I was twenty-one, to my mother’s great relief, they were divorced.

Dad went back to his roots and moved into a trailer on his sister’s farm. As a widow, she was extremely careful of her reputation and when dad had to be driven home from the bar one night, she stormed into his trailer the next morning and struck him on the bottom of the feet with an iron skillet. She informed him there would never be another incident like that or he would find himself out on his ear. He ended up going on the wagon and found Jesus and married a childhood friend.

I never really knew that man…the one all my cousins knew. The one all the town knew. The one who went to church every Sunday and became the model citizen…to everyone outside. But inside? Our relationship stayed exactly the same. His modus operandi was “blame and shame”. I tried. Lord knows I tried to have a relationship with him. But, in order to do that, I needed to talk about what had happened and he wasn’t interested.

If he would have just once said “I’m sorry, Sis.” Oh, I learned to forgive him because he did what he knew, but that apology would have gone a long way toward mending my broken heart. Instead, I married father replacements. First, the stern disciplinarian. Then the busy doctor who couldn’t express his true feelings. Then Mr. Virgo came along and healed that spot in my heart that needed to know I was loved and cherished and….wanted.

Still, I remember my therapist telling me one time, “You know, Ginny…you’re never going to find your father’s love.” I was bereft. It was as if the final page was read and the book snapped shut. The End!

What do I do now?

I went on. I put a bandaid over the spot where I wanted dad-memories in my heart and went on. After all, I was an adult. I was functioning as best I could with what I had to work with. It was ok, I said to myself. I don’t need a father. I don’t need anybody. Mr. Virgo was the only man I really let in and even he didn’t get to see every room.

Then…my dad died.

Then…Mr. Virgo died.

I was never, ever going to feel that unconditional love again.

I was wrong. I found love again…deep, true, lasting love with Mr. FixIt. And, I was a Christian. I had God. He was my Heavenly Father…but, I still wanted a DAD!

This has been on my heart a lot in the last few weeks. And, just like clockwork, here came the Holy Spirit to minister to that sore place within me. Recently, every sermon has been some variation of this theme.

“Your dad wasn’t there for you. It’s ok. You don’t need him. He was here to do what only he could do and it hurt. But here….I’ve got some really great news for you.

“God IS your dad! He loves you…absolutely…unconditionally. He CRAVES when you come sit with him and lay your head on his shoulder. He WANTS you to take his hand and walk with him. He LOVES it when you talk to him and tell him how your day went and share worries of your mind. He DESIRES you to trust him like the dad that he is. He NEEDS you to know he isn’t ever going to leave you….not ever!”

Wow! How awesome is that? Knowing this…I mean really deep down in my bones KNOWING this…has healed some place deep inside my heart. I don’t have to look for my dad anywhere but up. When I want to hear him talking to me, I read the words he left for me to follow. When I don’t please him, he lets me know. The most important thing he wants me to know is I am the joy of his heart. The object of his greatest longing.

Finally….finally I found my father….in my Father.

❤️

“The same way a loving father feels toward his children— that’s but a sample of your tender feelings toward us, your beloved children, who live in awe of you.” Psalms 103:13 TPT

Field of Dreams

Tue, 04 Jun 2019 01:30:23 -0600

“My Field of Dreams.”

I know, I know…how many pictures of a field am I going to post here, right? Oh…however many times I am moved by the view, I suppose…which is daily. Every day, every hour, the view changes with the light. This was taken Sunday afternoon after the heavy rain and hail that swept through the surrounding area. I love the way the sky is slightly pink as the sun begins to set over the hill far to the left there. The air is soft with humidity and brushes the edges of the woods with a velvety glow.

I have a lifelong sister/friend who asked me yesterday if there wasn’t family who could come and mow this for us. After all…I’m 65. I smiled at her love and concern for me. Then I told her what I tell everyone who asks why I still mow. First, 65…nay, 66 in nine days…is young, if you ask me. Second, this is my home, too. Of course I’m going to work on it. Also, seriously…all I do is sit on a riding mower and drive around and around with headphones on listening to rock and roll music. How hard is that?

My biggest reason is this…I spent my entire life praying to have exactly what I have now. I have so much joy in my heart, a few hours driving around cutting grass is the smallest of prices to pay. I truly love it! That being said, my shoulders are tired and sore when I’m done. I wish for a hot shower and a masseuse…only one of which is readily available. But it’s a good sore…a good tired. And I sleep really soundly when I’ve worked hard.

I mowed the big fields yesterday while Mr. FixIt was in town working. We have a lot to get done before we head out camping on Thursday. According to the weather report, we are in for a cool, cloudy weekend with the possibility of rain showers. That’s ok…we’ll have plenty to keep us busy under the canopies. I bought walls for the canopy that will hold heat in. Gail has her canopy, as well. Camping is fun, no matter what!

❤️

“Let the heavens rejoice, let the earth be glad; let the sea resound, and all that is in it. Let the fields be jubilant, and everything in them; let all the trees of the forest sing for joy.” Psalm 96:11-12 NIV

From Beast to Beauty

Sat, 01 Jun 2019 01:30:03 -0600

“The glorious Luna Moth!”

It takes about ten days for the egg of the luna moth to hatch into a tiny caterpillar and another five to six weeks for that caterpillar to go through multiple instars (stages of growth) to reach its full size…2.5” long by 3/4” diameter. That’s a big green worm! Once it reaches its full size, it spins a cocoon and usually about two weeks later, the moth emerges, wings shriveled and damp. Over the course of several hours, fluid is pumped into the wings, they dry, and voila…one of the largest silk moths of North America emerges to grace us with its presence.

Normally, the luna moth has a wingspan of about 4.5” but they can be as large as 7” across. This fellow is a male. His wings angle backwards somewhat and his abdomen is smaller because he isn’t carrying the 200-400 eggs the female has. They fly in the evening and at night in late spring and early summer. They don’t particularly like when the temperature dips into the 50’s. They’ll be somewhat paralyzed until it warms up.

I love when I catch sight of one of these beautiful moths. You don’t see them quite as often as you used to because a type of predatory fly was introduced to control the invasive gypsy moths and they’ve damaged several species of moths, including the glorious luna.

Mr. FixIt called me into the kitchen last night so I could see this fellow. I ran outside with my phone so I could take pictures while the light was still good. As I was coming back inside, I found the remains of a luna who wasn’t so lucky…wings scattered here and there, coated with drops of dew. Nature. It’s a rough world out there.

“The remnants of an unfortunate demise.”

When I came out to the camper to write afterwards, I watched a video on Facebook. The premise was two former classmates run into each other in the parking lot of the grocery store. They chat and it becomes apparent one is wealthy and the other is not. The one who was not tells the other about her son getting a job after graduation and that he is thriving and so happy. The other kind of turns her nose up a bit and brags about HER son who is going to Stanford. And, as a matter of fact, he was on his way to pick her up….wasn’t that sweet? The poorer mother smiled and nodded and congratulated the other mom on her son’s great achievements. But you could see when wealthy mom left, the working boy’s mom looked a little let down.

I am ashamed to say, I can relate to that…however fleetingly. This is the time of year when news of graduations fill the pages of social media with our darlings’ academic accomplishments. It’s beautiful and I don’t begrudge them their joy. Not one bit. We were thrilled when Daughter #1 got her Associates Degree, majoring in drama. We told her that, and $3.50 would buy her a cup of coffee and she should go on and at least get her Bachelors Degree. But no…she and her fiancé had other plans and married a month or two after graduation.

At some point along the way, she realized perhaps her parents had been right and she had an excellent opportunity to go back to school at which time she became a Special Ed teacher. Again, we were so proud. Then, somewhere down the road, she went back and got her Masters. She’s still married to her college sweetheart and coming up on their 24th anniversary.

Daughter #2 is brilliant…maybe more so than her sister as far as IQ goes. But she has always danced to her own music, struggled over eight years getting her Bachelors but never gave up, and now works in management in the food service industry…the love for which she received from her beloved stepfather…Mr. Virgo.

In the movie I watched earlier, the Stanford son berated his mother for keeping him from his friends and let her know she was distinctly cramping his style while the poor son brings his mama flowers and tells her how much he loves and appreciates her for everything she does for him. A dramatization, for sure. But there is much truth there, unfortunately.

A while back, a friend from long ago posted photos of her daughter getting her doctorate. They flew to Australia to visit her where she was doing research. Her two younger daughters were married, one after the other. Beautiful. Successful. This girl and Daughter #2 had play dates together when they were babies. I had a moment of full on green envy.

For only a moment. Because, in that moment, Daughter #2 called me on the phone. I sat back and listened to her go on and on about the upcoming wedding and how her dress is just so perfect and makes her look like a million bucks. We chatted about how the bouquets are being made with origami flowers from comic book pages. And she found a real Viking drinking horn at a pawn shop and that’s what they’re going to toast with! Wow! And under her dress? Tie dyed Vans…of course!

As I listened to her happy voice, my mind drifted back over the many phone calls when she struggled and suffered through depression and anxiety. Really struggled. And I realized…rich, poor, Stanford, Community College, PhD, shift lead in a restaurant…none of that matters. She’s happy. There is light and life in her voice. My eyes filled with tears…from shame that I was even momentarily envious…and from sincere joy and relief that my baby didn’t end up a statistic like so many others have.

I still have her here…in all her quirky, wonderful weirdness. As we prepared to hang up, she gave me that sweetest gift every mama craves.

“I love you, mama…all over your face!”

“I love you too, Moon Pie.”

She made it…just like the caterpillar to the glorious Luna.

❤️

“Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.” Psalm 37:4 NIV

Praying for Others

Tue, 28 May 2019 01:30:31 -0600

“Praying for others is the key to freedom.”

As time passes, my daughter’s wedding is looming in the forefront of my mind. What to wear? Well, I’ve bought three dresses…so far. It depends what suits me that day, I think. The event seems to be fast and loose so I’m not terribly worried about that part.

As I headed into this, the idea of being the mother of the bride…for the last time really…filled me with delicious anticipation mixed with bits of trepidation. Her father and I have mended a lot of fences over the years and I am so proud of the way we can demonstrate good behaviors for our kids and grandkids. Long gone are the angry jabs at each other over a love gone awry.

I overcame the majority of the pain, anger, and resentment through fervent prayer and good therapy. Prayer was my tool. I prayed my family would be healed. I prayed the father of my child would find joy and happiness with the woman he chose. The more I prayed for HIM, the happier I became.

That being said, the enemy loves to sneak in and tell me lies. He loves to remind me I’ve gained a few pounds and my ex-husband will notice. He loves to make me second guess myself and be self conscious of my body and my dress choice. He loves to whisper in my ear and tell me if I would have been a better wife, that great big estate my ex owns could have been mine.

Lies. They are all lies. I could have been the best wife in the history of the universe and the marriage could have still fallen apart. I’m not taking 100% of that one. I’ll comfortably accept my 50%. If I even consider my weight as being something my ex would judge me for, I’m setting myself up for failure and disappointment.

Here’s the thing…if we look for something, we WILL find it. If I look for judgement, I’ll feel judged. If I look for criticism, I’ll feel criticized…even if it’s subconsciously. And, as soon as I feel those things, I’ll react defensively. That whole scenario is a totally no win situation. Nothing good can come from that.

Recently I read about a technique for recognizing the cycle of anxiety and stopping it in its tracks. The premise is, as soon as you feel the very first sensations of anxiety…even if it’s just the thought of feeling anxious…you pull back and become the observer. Recognize what is happening and say to yourself…”Hmmmm, that’s interesting. I’m having a feeling that stemmed from a thought. It is just a thought.” Then, you picture surrounding that thought in a bubble, reach out, and poke it with your finger.

Poof!

When you can recognize what anxiety really is, it’s much easier to step back, give it a poke, and send it on it’s way. It has been working quite well in the last few months. One would think, at the ripe age of 66 (in about three weeks), I’d have gotten a handle on anxiety long before now. Sometimes it’s the fear of having an anxiety attack that brings it on. It’s crazy…but it’s quite real.

This wedding isn’t about me. His house isn’t about me. My weight isn’t even completely about me in that it was caused by taking steroids twice this year. I’m the only me I have. I am the only mom my kids have. The only Nana for my grands. I am my husband’s queen. He will think I am scrumptious no matter what I’m wearing or where I sit.

This is such a relief…to let go of fear. The fear of rejection. The fear of not being good enough. The fear of doing or saying something wrong.

I am enough. I have always been enough.

Dang…I love my sixties!

❤️

“But the moment one turns to the Lord with an open heart, the veil is lifted and they see. Now, the “Lord” I’m referring to is the Holy Spirit, and wherever he is Lord, there is freedom.”
2 Corinthians 3:16-17 TPT

Smoke

Sun, 26 May 2019 01:30:10 -0600

“Life has a certain synchronicity. It swirls round and round like wisps of smoke.”

Mail delivery is different when you live on a rural route. When you drive out any two lane blacktop, there are dirt roads that go off up into hollers. There may be a dozen or more houses up there, but it wouldn’t be feasible to send a mail carrier up every little dirt track. So, you often see a whole row of mailboxes on the corner and everyone has to pick up their own mail. Our mailbox is across the two lane from the Ponderosa so we either walk up or stop on our way out when we go somewhere.

When I first moved in with Mr. FixIt, I seldom got any mail here. I have a post office box that I use for my business so it was just easier for me to get all my mail there. Because the majority of the mail was his, I never really saw it unless I picked it up. Mr. FixIt was throwing away junk mail one day and casually remarked, for some reason he had received coupons for cigarettes. He couldn’t figure out how in the world he ever got on their mailing list.

We went into town yesterday to decorate graves on Mr. FixIt’s side of the family. We stopped to get the mail and there was another cigarette advertisement. He handed me the mail and said, “See? We got it again!” I sat there, holding the mail in my hands. For a moment, my heart skipped a beat and I could barely breathe.

“Is this the brand you got before?” I asked.

“Yes. It’s always the same.”

I ran my fingers over the familiar green box and smiled. Kools.

“You know…this is Mr. Virgo’s brand.”

“Whoa. That’s weird.”

“No…not weird. It’s just a message. A sort of hello from beyond.”

I don’t know how things work on the other side exactly. I know there is heaven. And I know the Bible says there is a veil between the worlds and those in heaven cannot see or connect with their loved ones on earth. I also know God loves us and wants to comfort our hearts when we lose loved ones so He sends us things that strike a chord with us. In my case…bluebirds. A particular song that’s out of place. Flickering lights. And, an ad. Of all the cigarette brands that are out there, the one that came was Mr. Virgo’s. It’s not even what I would consider a top brand. Why that one? On Memorial Day weekend?

I reached over and took my husband’s hand. I smiled and looked out the window at the passing scenery. I marveled at this lovely life and all its synchronicity…curling round and round like wisps of smoke.

“Hello, Mr. Virgo” I said softly. “Thanks for coming to see us.”

❤️

“Now they know that everything that you have given me is from you.”
John 17:7 ESV

Steaks on the Grill

Sat, 25 May 2019 01:30:00 -0600

“Iris on the creekbank.”

I’ve felt a day ahead all week. Yesterday, I thought it was Saturday. That’s a happy kind of mistake…it gives me a whole extra day! We got lots done yesterday. It’s time to open the pool. I had no idea how much work a pool is. We put the cover over it last fall and it doesn’t fit just right. Then, all the rain collected on the top and pulled it down on the surface of the water. Top that with leaves, pollen, and algae and we had a mess to clean up.

It took us the longest time to get the cover out. We did everything we could to keep from dumping all that algae down into the water. Mr. FixIt finally got the submersible pump and managed to get the most of the water off the top. Enough to get it out of the pool, anyway. He hosed all that junk off of it and we spread it out to dry in the field while we started cleaning the pool.

There is a tool you use to sweep up the leaves and junk out. It’s round with wheels that hold it an inch above the bottom of the pool. There is a hole in the top with a net bag over it. You attach a water hose and a long pole to it. Then you drop it in the water, turn on the hose, and it sucks the stuff out of the bottom and filters it through the net. All you have to do is empty the net when it gets full.

Once we got the majority of the stuff cleaned out, we let the hose run and filled the pool back up to the correct level. That isn’t the end of it though. Now we have to start putting in the chemicals and algaecide till the water is crystal clear. Then, once a week or so, we need to clean the pool out and keep monitoring the chemical levels. Honestly, if it weren’t for the kids, I’d say the heck with it. It’s a boatload of work for the few times we actually use it. But, the kids love it and you know what you do for your grandkids.

We relaxed on the deck around the pool last night and enjoyed a beautiful sunset. I grilled steaks and had corn on the cob and baked potato for supper. When I retired to the camper to write, the soft evening air was redolent with the heady aroma of the honeysuckle in bloom. I sneezed my head off…but the aroma was worth it.

❤️

“I made myself pools from which to water the forest of growing trees.”
Ecclesiastes 2:6 ESV

Wascally Wabbits!

Thu, 23 May 2019 01:30:35 -0600

“Mr. FixIt…working in the garden.”

Mr. FixIt came to me the other morning with a dejected sigh.

“Something ate the beans.”

Again? Hmpffff! Don’t they know that little piece of ground is OURS??? They have five acres. I just want this little patch. Yeah…not likely. We used the rabbit deterrent faithfully…until, we didn’t. All it took was one little rain and one lapse of memory and…poof! No more beans. I think it is the rabbits. But it could be that little chipmunk. Or deer. Or…whatever. The point is…unless you put some sort of protective fencing or netting or both around your garden, you cannot expect to provide a salad bar without getting dinner guests.

That’s ok. We still have the tomatoes. Plenty of tomatoes!!! We had twelve tomato plants and one mysteriously disappeared. No footprints. No trace…just gone. So, we are left with eleven tomato plants and a couple dozen onions. We’re good.

I went to the farm yesterday to get the shades from the big camper. For those of you who have been around for the long haul, you will remember the first thing I did when I bought that camper was take those hideous window coverings off. If I’m going to sell the camper, I need to put them back. While I was there, I did the last load of laundry and gathered some camping items I will need in a couple of weeks when we go to Blackwater Falls with the Girl Campers. That’s one thing I like about Girl Campers…you can bring your hubby if you like. We just ask that they do something on their own while we’re there so we can have our girl time. Mr. FixIt is taking his golf clubs.

I’m taking the ice cream freezer. There is something so special about homemade ice cream when you’re camping. I also brought the screen house. The mosquitoes will be making an appearance before long and some people are more susceptible to bites than others. I want to make sure everyone is comfortable and has a place to sit out of the rain if need be.

When I got home, Mr. FixIt had a table saw on the back of the truck that needed to be unloaded. It was way too heavy to pick up but we used our brains over our brawn and tipped it onto a dolly and down the ramps into the garage. Perfect! Just as we were done, the former Mrs. FixIt came over to pick up a tent to go camping. I really like her and we sat for four hours visiting. Then my bonus granddaughter and the baby came over with ice cream. It was such a beautiful day!

I love that we can demonstrate for the younger generations that the family relationship doesn’t have to end with divorce. We just open our hearts more and let in love and healing.

❤️

“How good and pleasant it is when God’s people live together in unity!” Psalm 133:1 NIV

Girl Camper Quilt

Tue, 21 May 2019 01:30:55 -0600

“The Girl Camper Quilt is almost finished!”

I spent the day yesterday at Schoolhouse Quilts. I finished sewing the border on the quilt and Carolyn did the machine quilting. I sat and visited and looked at quilting books for inspiration while the quilt was in the longarm. They make these things so fancy these days. First, she scrolled through the different patterns the machine could quilt in, then you simply put it in the rollers that hold it and push go. You do have to kind of keep an eye on it, but it’s pretty amazing how fast you can machine quilt. I think there’s probably 12 hours of work in this quilt. I do still have to hand stitch the binding down yet. It will be a prize in a giveaway we’ll be doing soon so stay tuned for details and how to enter to win!

We slept in the camper again Sunday night. I am not kidding…I could sleep in my camper every night of the year. I love it that much. I love CAMPING that much. I was going through my calendar yesterday and realized the next Girl Camping event is in sixteen days. The time really flies once warm weather gets here, doesn’t it? It seems like it crawls all winter.

The weather is so beautiful right now. We had rain and I swear, between the rain and the heat, you can actually HEAR the grass grow! I know starting today, we’ll have to start the next round of mowing. I don’t mind mowing, really. It’s fun to get out on the riding mower and let my mind wander as I watch the fields become groomed lawns. But when you start having to mow twice a week, it does get tiresome.

Still…with all the work, with all the heat and humidity and bugs and mowing…I wouldn’t trade this life for anything in the whole world! This week we clean and open the pool and mow and hoe the garden. I also will sew the binding on these two quilts and maybe even knit a little on the socks I started at camp. That plus keeping up with my writing schedule and I’ll be one busy Mountain Mama!

❤️

“Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.” Colossians 3:23-24 NIV

A Lovely Summer Evening

Mon, 20 May 2019 01:30:50 -0600

“Spring? It’s more like summer here in West Virginia!”

Ok…it’s not officially summer for another month. But the temperature on the truck was 93 yesterday afternoon so that is close enough for me! Mr. FixIt and I camped in the yard beside the big building Saturday night and it was wonderful. The windows were open and a small fan on low kept us very comfortable. The mattress in the camper is better than any in the house and it’s the best night’s sleep I’ve had in a week. The climb-over-you bed configuration wasn’t a problem so I think we’re a go for the big Colorado trip later this summer.

Church was wonderful…again. As I stood there, holding Mr. FixIt’s hand, praising with the other…I counted my blessings as I counted my bonus family down the pew. Afterwards was breakfast out and catching up with what’s going on in their busy lives. (They thought it was very funny that their grandpa and I camped in the yard. He does lots of new things since I came along!)

We delivered a saw to his son and checked out the deck they are rebuilding. Then we headed home. I had a deadline to meet on this new writing project I’m involved with so I climbed in my little camper, turned on the AC, and got busy. In the meantime, someone came to look at the camper we are selling. When we were both finished, we did that very fun thing we love to do…we took a drive and stopped for ice cream!

As we walked back in, the light was perfect on our peonies just outside the back door so I had to stop and snap a picture. It was the perfect summation of the day…soft and sweet, warm and blessed. As I write this, I am again in the little camper, the windows flung open, the frogs peeping in the creek beyond the far field. What a rich and lovely life we lead!

❤️

“The season has changed, the bondage of your barren winter has ended, and the season of hiding is over and gone. The rains have soaked the earth and left it bright with blossoming flowers. The season for singing and pruning the vines has arrived. I hear the cooing of doves in our land, filling the air with songs to awaken you and guide you forth.” Song of Songs 2:11-12 TPT

Another Quilt Top

Sun, 19 May 2019 01:30:27 -0600

“Cute camper material for a raffle quilt”

My dear friend Gail and I will be co-hosting a Girl Camper Gathering at Blackwater Falls next month. Gail is so talented and we have so much in common…it’s always fun to camp with her. We have some great ideas for fun things to do while we are camping. This is our Kick Off to Summer Camping Event so I wanted to do something special so I’m making a lap quilt to raffle off. There will be more details as we get things finalized. If any of you are interested in camping with me, this would be an excellent opportunity! Blackwater Falls has cabins and a Lodge so there are alternatives to traditional camping if that’s not your thing. It is a beautiful park with lots to see and do.

I went to Schoolhouse Quilts again yesterday and sewed for a few hours. I almost have the top for the little camper quilt finished. I’ll have to go in next week to finish it up. I just LOVE this material and the colors are SO Girl Camperish. Carolyn who owns the shop had some really cute ideas for the border so I can’t wait to share it with you when it’s done.

Mr. FixIt and I went to the cemetery yesterday to decorate the graves of my family. We will do his family’s after church today. I wanted to avoid the rush of next weekend, especially at the little country cemetery where my family members are. There’s one little lane that goes in…the same lane comes out. And it’s on a hillside so there’s no wiggle room to pass each other.

After the cemetery, we went to North Bend State Park and checked out the campgrounds. The main campground was jam packed with kids, which I think is wonderful. They were riding bikes and playing games and enjoying themselves immensely. I am so glad their parents are getting them out and teaching them the love of camping. That being said, I am past the age of wanting to camp in a crowded campground full of screaming children. Fortunately, there is a new campground for the older, more sedate crowd. It was far more to my liking.

We ran to the farm and had dinner out so it was date night for us. It was a welcome respite to mowing, mowing, mowing!

We didn’t get to go camping this weekend so we camped last night at home in my new-to-me camper. This was our first attempt sleeping in this camper together so we will see how the climb-over-you bed arrangement works.

❤️

“However many years anyone may live, let them enjoy them all. But let them remember the days of darkness, for there will be many. Everything to come is meaningless.” Ecclesiastes 11:8 NIV

Quilting and Thunderstorms

Sat, 18 May 2019 01:30:21 -0600

“Sewing a quilt for my daughter’s wedding gift. The finished top below. Now it will be machine quilted.”

I was trying to remember the last time I made a quilt. I do believe it was a wedding gift for Daughter #1. They’ve been married 24 years this July! So, it’s been a long, long time. Twenty-four years ago, I had a lot more patience doing piece work than I do now. I made a beautiful king sized quilt in an intricately pieced pattern. It took me a long time to make the quilt top and I knew I would never get a quilt that big hand quilted in time for the wedding. I had heard about Cabin Creek Quilters so I took it there to see if anyone could quilt it for me.

The lovely lady in the fabric room in a house WAY up a single track dirt road up a narrow holler was kind enough to do it for me. I picked it up the following summer when I came to West Virginia for a visit. I asked her what I owed her and she said $100! I refused to pay her that. I paid her $200 and that was a bargain.

The quilt for Daughter #2’s wedding is different. I used precut 10” squares and decided the machine quilting would be the showpiece. Their colors are purple and green. I finished the quilt top yesterday and left it with the shop owner. She will sandwich the batting and backing fabric and sew on the binding. I’ll finish the hand-stitching on the binding myself.

While I was at the shop, I saw some really cute fabric with little campers on it. I’m going to make a throw with it. I don’t know if I’ll make another quilt with an intricate pattern again, but I might. It was really fun to sit at the quilt shop and sew all afternoon. It was reminiscent of my little needlework shop when the gals would come sit and stitch all day on Wednesdays. Those were wonderful memories.

It rained terribly hard yesterday afternoon and it made the humidity go up to 90% last night. Today is supposed to get up to 89 degrees. I think I could live at 72 degrees year round and be perfectly happy. At least the basement didn’t leak! All that rain brought out the frogs. We had them calling in the yard all night. I love the night sounds here. Night before last there was a whippoorwill on the old TV antenna over our bedroom window. Believe me, they aren’t as pleasant to hear incessantly nearby as they are off in the distance.

I hope you have a wonderful weekend!

❤️

“Yet he has not left himself without testimony: He has shown kindness by giving you rain from heaven and crops in their seasons; he provides you with plenty of food and fills your hearts with joy.”” Acts 14:17 NIV

Farm Life is a Good Life

Fri, 17 May 2019 01:30:58 -0600

“Clockwise from top left: Grandma’s peonies, a row of tiger swallowtails, the peonies out by the road, bearded iris alongside the house, the view from the road, tiger swallowtail up close”

As I was washing the breakfast dishes yesterday, something outside the kitchen window caught my eye. I stood quietly and studied the branches in the cedar and maple trees that frame my view of the yard. Suddenly, I saw it again. A fledgling house wren just took it’s first tentative flight from the nest. It snuggled in amongst the leaves, trying not to draw attention to itself. Mama came flying down and sat beside her brave baby. Soon, she swooped down to the grass and picked up a bug and brought it back to the little one. And so begins the feeding and teaching till this little fellow can survive on his own.

I smiled as I dried my hands and set to my morning chores. Mr. FixIt would be home soon and I needed to get things together to go out to the farm. I packed a couple of bags and gathered the laundry to do while we were out there. I took my morning coffee out on the deck by the pool. Then I wandered over to the garden. I sprinkled the plants with rabbit repellent. I caught sight of a chipmunk darting around the corner of the big building out back and wondered if the repellent works for them, too.

When Mr. FixIt got home, I helped him get the riding mower and the push mower on the utility trailer. Why we didn’t think of doing this two years ago, I’ll never know!

When we got to the farm, we unloaded the mowers and I hopped on the riding mower. If you remember correctly, when I was mowing the farm by myself it took me a good five hours. I had to mow thirty minutes then cool off and rehydrate…over and over till I was done. I literally finished mowing in less than fifteen minutes with the riding mower! Mr. FixIt took the push mower and mowed the ditches out front and the perimeter of the yard. The edges of the lawn are too soft to use the riding mower. It could collapse the creek bank and take me with it.

When we were finished, I cooked a good supper of pork chops, lima beans, and Amish potato salad. We sat down to watch the news and there it was…bad storms coming. We were prepared to stay a night or two, but until we fix that drain at the bottom of the steps, we have to be at the Ponderosa if there is a threat of heavy rain or else we’ll have a flooded basement.

I washed the dishes and was getting things ready to head back home when Mr. FixIt called to me to bring my phone outside. There, on the driveway, were six or seven tiger swallowtail butterflies, intently feeding on something. I have no idea what. When I startled them at one point, they rose up and circled around and around us for several minutes in a dazzling butterfly dance. Then, just as quickly, they settled back down in the same spot. It was magical and went on for forty-five minutes or so.

We finally had to say goodbye to the butterflies and head back to the Ponderosa. Sometimes farm life is a hard life. But, it’s really a good life.

❤️

“May God give you heaven’s dew and earth’s richness— an abundance of grain and new wine.” Genesis 27:28 NIV

Wednesday Evening Walkabout

Thu, 16 May 2019 01:30:23 -0600

“Clockwise from Top Left: Abundant Blueberries, Honey Locust, Wild Grape Vine, Beautiful Peonies”

I finished mowing at the Ponderosa while Mr. FixIt was in town working on a porch he’s building. There were several areas around the edges of the fields where brush, vines and trees had encroached into my mowing space. They are the worst when they hang over and I have to try to mow under them. I bend way far forward over the riding mower, but sometimes a briar will jump out and grab me. So, last night after supper, I did my walkabout and took the loppers with me. I pruned back a lot of branches and threw them into the woods for the critters to munch on and hide in.

I finished the back property line before I gave up for the evening. I love how the fields look when they’re freshly mowed. They smell so good and they are all smooth and even. I snapped a few pictures as I moseyed around looking at the many varieties of trees in the woods beyond the far fields. I love this time of year. The dense foliage makes the shadowy underbrush dark and a cool breeze comes out smelling of musty earth and moldy leaves. It’s a rich aroma of sweet decay combined with cut grass, honey locust, and creek water. It’s heavenly, earthy, decadent. It makes me happy.

Once my tools were put away, I climbed in the little camper, snuggled back into my favorite corner and looked out at the sun setting over the far hill. The reflections of the puffy white clouds and bluebird sky on the windshield of my truck added movement and color to the scene. These are my tranquil moments. It’s MY time. Mr. FixIt is in his recliner inside, watching the news. We both worked hard today. It makes the evenings such a gift.

We are blessed beyond belief. We have a roof over our heads, food in our bellies, and love in our hearts. We have a wonderful family. We have our health. We have each other. As I was walking around the field last night, a bluebird dashed in front of me and I smiled.

“Well…hello there, Mr. Virgo. I’m doing just fine!”

❤️

“Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”
1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 NIV

A Quiet Place

Wed, 15 May 2019 01:30:15 -0600

“Living in a quiet place fills me with peace and gratitude.”

Mr. FixIt had to go help his friend move some things in town yesterday so I hung out at home and “pretend camped”. I piddled around in the camper most of the day. I cleaned up and put things away. I swept and washed the floors and emptied the trash. I wiped things down and stripped the bed. While I was taking off the comforter, I noticed it was damp up by the front wall towards the driver’s side. A leak!

It didn’t leak when I was parked at the campground and we had some pretty heavy rain. This leak came when I was driving through torrential rain on Monday so it has to be either around the window or something at the edge. I happily discovered the bed raises up with pneumatic lifters so I could get under there and have a good look. There were no wet places on the flooring under the bed or in any of the compartments. So I’ll have to look some more.

While I was in under the bed, I got a good look at the water system. Mr. FixIt helped me and we could not figure out why the pump won’t build up pressure and shut off. Again…more investigation is needed. In the meantime, if I can flush the commode and wash my hands and the dishes, I’m not too concerned about the rest of it. Just about every place I plan to camp will have electric and if it’s cold, I have either the electric blanket or the little space heater to keep me warm.

When Mr. FixIt got home, he staked up the tomatoes. Something happened to one of the plants. It’s just gone. The rest look good though. And the beans are coming up much better than last year. I still have a bunch of food in the refrigerator in the camper so I fixed us some supper and we sat at the dinette and ate. That made me smile.

After supper, we went for a quick walk down the road. There’s been some activity on the property next door so we moseyed over to see what’s going on. They are clearing the lot so maybe we’re getting neighbors. We don’t have neighbors within sight of the house so this is something very new for Mr. FixIt. He’s lived here over 40 years.

When we were walking back down the road, holding hands, I looked out over our field and smiled. All of my life I’ve wanted to live on five acres. And here we are! I looked around and thought of all the things I would have liked to have on these five acres over the years. A barn with maybe some animals…a cow for milk and butter, some chickens, maybe a couple of goats or sheep. A big garden. Some fruit trees. I sure would have done more with this than five acres of lawn to mow. And now?

I never say it’s too late to do something. But my priorities have changed. We like to travel and we’re going to be too old before too long to maintain that level of farming. No…we’re looking at simplifying now. But it’s nice to dream about what we might have done, had we been together when we were younger.

This is our little slice of heaven, and so is the farm. When we got back from our walk, I jumped on the riding mower and mowed till it was almost too dark to see. I watched Mr. FixIt with the push mower in the fenced yard. I watched how the mower took the curves of the field and turned them into the swirly rows of a contemporary quilt. I watch the old yellow cat sitting at the edge of the field, eyeing me to see if I was going to sacrifice another turtle for him. Thankfully, I did not. I noticed the petals of the poplar blooms fallen as I mowed over them. I watched the robins swoop in to get the bugs the mower stirred up. I took a deep breath of new mown grass. And…I smiled.

❤️

“He brought me out into a spacious place; he rescued me because he delighted in me.” Psalm 18:19 NIV

Rainy Days and Mondays

Tue, 14 May 2019 01:30:55 -0600

“Watching the softball game in the rain and cold.”

I opened my eyes and looked around the camper. Something woke me up but not sure exactly what. I picked up my phone and there was a text from Gail. She had to head home from the campground early and asked me to let her know when I got home safely. We do that, us Girl Campers. Nothing says I love you quite like “Let us know when you get home.”

I thought I might go ahead and get up. I put away just about everything the night before. Instead, I rolled over and pulled the covers up under my chin and dozed off for another three hours. I heated up my coffee and hopped back under the covers to sip and watch the birds around the campground. I recognized a mockingbird and a downy woodpecker. I heard a pileated woodpecker up in the canopy of leaves over my head. I saw some buzzards circling over the nearby field and caught sight of a blue heron with his head tucked back, long legs following along behind him as he flapped slowly on his way to the water.

After my second cup, I decided it was time. I hooked up the camper and took off for home around 11:30. It wasn’t too long till the heavy clouds overhead took on a dark and menacing greenish grey and the sky opened up. I drove through some very heavy rain. I dropped my speed and didn’t use cruise control…two things that increase the risk of hydroplaning.

I stopped at a rest area just inside the West Virginia border and emptied the black tank. I had no grey water this time. I got home and parked the little camper alongside the building out behind the house so I can plug it in and use it for writing and naps. There is something so special about spending time in my camper…whether I’m actually camping or not.

As soon as I got home, I needed to clean up so we could go to our granddaughter’s softball game. We stopped for some supper on the way and it was so cold at the game, we actually parked beyond the outfield and sat in the truck. It rained a few times but not enough to delay the game. Our team lost, but they sure worked hard. They have a rematch tomorrow at an away game.

When I got home, I turned on the electric blanket on the bed in the camper and climbed in. As I did, I noticed the coverlet on the bed is damp. Apparently the camper leaked somewhere as I was driving through that heavy rain so I’m going to need to get to the bottom of that. It doesn’t leak sitting in the rain so it must have come from the water splashing up from the road. Ahhhh, campers…there is always some thing that needs fixed or replaced.

Home, Sweet Home…it was so good to see Mr. FixIt and give him a big hug!

Thank you, God…for travel mercies, for such good friends, and for a precious homecoming.

❤️

“The Lord will keep you from all evil; he will keep your life. The Lord will keep your going out and your coming in from this time forth and forevermore.” Psalms 121:7-8 ESV

Camp Hair...Don’t Care!

Mon, 13 May 2019 01:30:38 -0600

“Images from camp…The Three Amigas (Gail, Janine, & Ginny), fishing, TOW-Wanda III, and ramp casserole in an iron skillet.”

OMGosh! Other than not having subzero temperatures, this week has been quite reminiscent of my first winter in TOW-Wanda Grande. I was parked up on the banks of the Ohio River with no running water. This state park has a few electric sites and I was lucky enough to get one. But, there’s no water at the sites. I had to rely on the freshwater tank for flushing the toilet and bottled water for drinking. Since I don’t have the propane system or the water heater checked out yet, I had to heat up water in the microwave or running it through the coffee pot for washing dishes or taking sponge baths. I am really looking forward to a proper shower when I get home today. I definitely have camp hair. And I definitely don’t care!

Everyone left yesterday and headed home. All except for me, that is. I already had last night reserved thinking at least someone would stay over. That’s ok, though. I used the day to do some writing I have a deadline for. Then I did a little knitting and watched old Andy Griffith reruns. All the kids either texted or called me for Mother’s Day which was so nice. Gail came back to the campground after dinner and brought me some homemade cream of broccoli soup. It was a really good day.

Gail and I are cohosting a Girl Camper event next month at Blackwater Falls so now I can turn my attention to that. I ordered a floral canopy with matching chairs to set up at that outing to give people a place to sit when they come to visit. When you have a campout with a group of Girl Campers, everyone wants to see inside each other’s trailers so we usually have a little snack out or a cocktail to share with guests.

The gal who camped right across from me this time had her little camper all decked out on the inside like a vintage one, but it was brand new. She used her grandmother’s quilt to cover the seat cushions and had her mother’s 25th anniversary silver tea set on display. She made banners for each window from embroidered linens. It was absolutely darling. When her husband peeked in to see what she had done to the inside he said, “Really? Really??? You had to do all PINK?” She created a grey interior for him and switches it out. That seems like a lot of work to me, but as long as the hubs is happy.

So, today I pack it up and head home. I can’t wait to see my Mr. FixIt and give him a squeeze. He sent me a picture of the garden and the beans are all up. He’s been spreading the rabbit repellent and so far, so good! They haven’t eaten any of the young plants.

Hope you have a Happy Monday!

❤️

““All who are skilled among you are to come and make everything the Lord has commanded:” Exodus 35:10 NIV

What a Hoot!!!

Sun, 12 May 2019 01:30:56 -0600

“Coffee in the camper…my favorite thing about camping!”

The Girl Campers have been meeting at Beaver Creek State Park for the last three years or so. Some come for a day or two. Some come for a full week of fun. Gail is our Hostess Extraordinaire. Janine, our fearless leader and “Camper in Chief” is here with her Mister and anytime the three of us get together…it’s the Three Amigas. A good time is always to be had when we gather around the campfire.

“Janine loved her socks!”

We have a Spring and a Fall “What a Hoot” event. Where did we get that name, you ask? We get to listen to the owls! We cannot call them in the spring because they are on the nest. But in the fall, we can play their calls over a speaker and call them in close so we can hear them. It’s beautiful.

“The blossom of the pawpaw tree. Isn’t it beautiful?”

The park naturalist came again yesterday. He took some of the campers on a guided nature walk and identified several varieties of wildflowers. Then later in the afternoon, we went fishing. One of our gals caught a good sized catfish on her second cast. I casted fifty times and didn’t catch a thing but I had fun!

“Sherri caught a catfish on her second cast!”

I finished knitting the socks I was working on. Janine has been marveling over them for a year. That’s how long it took me to knit them! So, I gifted them to her and she was so tickled.

“Some of the girls made camping journals to keep as a memento from their trip.”

Dinner last night was a smorgasbord of soups and fresh fruit. Bourbon Brownie S’mores for dessert! I didn’t have the ones with bourbon…I had mine plain. But they were gooey and decadent. Today, I get back on my diet!

I hope you enjoy the photos! I’ll be heading back to the Ponderosa tomorrow!

Oh, and…it’s Mother’s Day. Moms come in all shapes and sizes and descriptions. Some of us are moms. Some of us chose not to be. Some wanted to be and couldn’t. Some were…and lost their babies in one way or another. Some lost their relationships in some way. A lot of us have lost our moms by the time we get to be my age. And, some are fortunate to yet have theirs. The bottom line is…no matter what state you are in….it’s Mother’s Day. I hope it is a good day for you and yours…even if there are tears.

I miss my mom…my grandma…and my “other mother”, Louisa. I’ll see you all some fine day.

And, I miss my girls. I’ll see them soon!

❤️

“Adam named his wife Eve, because she would become the mother of all the living.” ‭‭Genesis‬ ‭3:20‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Unbeatable Laughter...Unbearable Tears

Sat, 04 May 2019 01:30:38 -0600

“Chocolate cake pops aren’t the most delectable looking things till they get their pretty candy coating.”

The last couple of days were an incredible jumble of extreme emotions. First, we had an intense discussion about the impact of addiction in this area and on our lives. It was deeply personal and what is said in the room, stays in the room. Suffice it to say, I could not wait to get out and call my daughters and thank them for never going down that particular path. As I left messages for them…(who’s kid ever answers the phone these days?)…I broke down in tears. Because…instead of my kids being addicted…it had been me when they were growing up. I hate that I exposed them to opioid and alcohol abuse and the aftermath it caused. But, what the enemy tried to kill, God has used to our good and His glory.

Later in the evening, Daughter #1 called me back. I adore both of my girls and they couldn’t be more different. My firstborn has always been the strong, dependable kid who turned into a wonderful woman and an excellent mother, but she’s not a terribly demonstrative person. She is a little crusty on the outside but soft in the center but she’d rather chew off her arm than show it. When I answered the phone, I could hear that slightly vulnerable tenderness in her voice that I so seldom get to hear and my heart melted.

She went on to regale me with a story about her evening. It seems HER firstborn informed her earlier in the week that she needed cake pops for a going away party for one of her friends. She needed them yesterday. And…she wanted them shaped like pineapples for some reason. Now, Daughter #1 is highly creative, and an incredible teacher, but she was not particularly crafty or interested in baking when she was young. It’s amazing what we do for our kids, isn’t it?

She looked up how to make cake pops on YouTube and Pinterest. She e-mailed her principal who makes cake pops for stress relief. She found out that…surprise, surprise…cake pops are not baked in molds with sticks in them and then dipped in frosting. Actually, you bake the cake, let it cool, crumble it up very fine, then mix in a little bit of frosting. Just enough to work it together into a ball but not enough to get it wet. I had no idea!

Since my granddaughter asked for chocolate, my daughter baked two layers of chocolate cake. Then she used a small ice cream scoop to make balls of the dough and rolled them into a slightly oblong egg shape to represent little pineapples. Then she stuck sticks in them that had been dipped in the melted candy coating so they would stick. At this point, it struck her what her little creations actually LOOKED like and she had to send me pictures. We laughed til we cried. It was so delightful. I was so proud of her…for everything. Being a good kid and a great mom. For having a sense of humor. For loving me so much, even though I make her crazy half the time and she can’t let me know either way.

Then, yesterday, one of my mom’s cousins texted to tell me another cousin in Illinois passed away on Sunday. That made me sad because I just loved Betty Mae. When she and her family came to West Virginia to visit my grandma, it was an EVENT, I’m telling you. I sent a potted plant with a note and then called my aunt and uncle to make sure they knew.

Remember I told you I made the difficult decision to not go to my niece’s graduation in Indiana? Well, I found out the graduation is outside today…in the rain…in Indiana…in tornado season. They’re giving them ponchos to wear. Oy! That’s not why God prompted me to cancel, though. Mr. FixIt was driving home yesterday and he got the strongest urge to call his best friend. When he did, his friend was crying because his wife had just passed away. His friend is going to need him here and I am so grateful I listened to the whispers of the Holy Spirit telling me not to go!

The camper is almost ready for my big camping trip next week. I installed a new smoke detector yesterday, packed some things in the overhead cabinets over the dinette, added deodorizer to the tanks, and swept the floors. There were a couple of very small holes on the wall where I removed some curtain hardware so I filled them with a little caulking. I tried putting the quilts that I wanted to use on the bed but they are too small for the queen bed. That’s ok…I’ll use the all white quilt I used in big TOW-Wanda and just fold the extra quilts at the bottom of the bed for decoration. The only thing left to do is wash the floors and windows, lay down the rugs, take out the trash, and finish packing. It’s supposed to storm all day today, so I can get in there and play…and maybe we’ll camp in the driveway tonight!

❤️

“So I commend the enjoyment of life, because there is nothing better for a person under the sun than to eat and drink and be glad. Then joy will accompany them in their toil all the days of the life God has given them under the sun.” Ecclesiastes 8:15 NIV
“‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”” Revelation 21:4 NIV

A Trip for Tomatoes

Thu, 02 May 2019 01:30:07 -0600

“Shari Sims and her precious pooch greet customers at Sims Greenhouse in Palestine, WV”

Twenty-eight years ago, Shari Sims and her husband opened a little greenhouse in Palestine, WV. It’s a tiny little blink-and-you’ll-miss-it town on the quintessential two-lane blacktop way out in the country but you’d never know it from the looks of the enterprise they’ve got going now. I counted at least four greenhouses filled to the brim with the most gorgeous flowers and vegetables.

“I love the colors of succulents…so soft and soothing.”

We browsed through the many varieties of tomato plants and chose ten. Several of them were at least two feet tall and already have tomatoes set on. $14.00 for all of them! I couldn’t believe it. They also sell wholesale to businesses. We visited with several people as we looked around in the various greenhouses. Shari’s son is soon graduating and has taken an interest in the plant business and runs a separate greenhouse that raises lettuces. I’m really looking forward to that when he opens.

Sims Greenhouse, 7460 Palestine Road, Palestine, WV ( out Rt. 14 past Elizabeth)

“Rows and rows of the most beautiful hanging baskets and the heady aroma of petunias…enough to make you swoon!”

As we were on our way home, I asked Mr. FixIt to drop me off at the little quilt shop that opened this winter. I have decided to make my daughter and her fiancée a quilt for their wedding gift. I can sew it when I’m with the Girl Campers next week. It’s just going to be quick with 9.5” squares in shades of purple and green…their colors for the wedding.

“Moss baskets add a lovely texture”

I have to tell you…I felt so much better yesterday. We watched the evening news last night and they said I-70 from Pittsburg to St. Louis is going to be under severe weather warnings and that’s exactly where we would have been today if I hadn’t listened to that still, small voice guiding me to stay home.

I worked on the camper this afternoon and have it about two-thirds ready. The issues with the propane and the water heater won’t be fixed before I go, but it’s going to be fine. I have dry-camped many, many times. I have electric at my site and a microwave. I can heat up water that way and wash my hair and “bathe”.

It was really hot and humid here yesterday but we are expecting thunderstorms the next couple of days. It was 89 degrees here yesterday afternoon! May can still have some chilly days so I don’t think we’ve hit “summer” weather yet. But, my oh my….it is SO beautiful here this time of year!

❤️

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;” Proverbs 3:5 NIV

I Choose Joy!

Tue, 30 Apr 2019 01:30:27 -0600

“I’m choosing joy by choosing to remember the special moments we spent at the seashore last week.”

Even though Pastor Justin’s message Sunday morning was about choosing joy, I just had one of my “bad nights”. Yesterday’s post indicated I felt the weight of the world on my shoulders, and I did. Re-entry from vacation was part of it. Being overly tired was another. And, after being gone a week, there was a lot of catching up to do and we just heard one bad thing after another all day. It just hit me hard. Combine that with eating a greasy burger too late in the evening and I was up half the night.

I tried all my go-to remedies and nothing seemed to help. I was up pacing the floor. I tried snuggling with Mr. FixIt and that helped, but I was too hot. Finally, I took a Benadryl because I had been out mowing all afternoon and my head was throbbing. I settled into the guest room, opened the window to let the cool night air in, and read my Bible till I got drowsy. When I finally slept, it was sound and deep and restful…just what I asked God for in my nightly prayers. He is a good Father…His lullaby is perfect.

I hit the ground running yesterday and went for the MRI of my foot. I’ve had several MRI’s in my lifetime. I couldn’t believe it took a whole hour! It was an open MRI and, of course, the only thing in it was my foot. But the noises were the same. The technician turned up the music really loud and I listened to the country station for an hour. The only hard part was boredom thinking of all the things I could have been doing. Laying still on my back for an hour on a hard table wasn’t too much fun. I just used the time to have a conversation with God.

I needed to have fasting blood drawn from an appointment a couple of weeks ago and I kept forgetting to go in so I did that. Then I stopped at the mall and bought yet another dress for the wedding. I can’t seem to make up my mind but this one I really liked and it was 50% off. I can wear it to my niece’s college graduation this weekend and see how I like it. I even found some cute little sandals that were also half price. I’m not buying any more dresses!

My last stop was Walmart for new sheets for the camper. I’m not one for keeping a lot of old sheets around. I buy two pair and rotate them till they’re worn out. I’ll bet I could count on two hands how many sets of sheets I’ve had in my life. Funny thing…they are exactly the same pattern as the sheets I bought for the big camper five years ago. I would have used those, but they were full size and the new camper ya s a queen bed. I also picked up a couple of throw rugs and a new shower curtain. Everything else will get moved from the old camper to the new one.

Before we leave, I need to treat the fresh water tank with a mild bleach solution and run it through the pipes. Then I need to put some Dawn dish soap, Calgon Water Softener, more water, and a bag of ice in the black tank and take the camper for a drive to let it all slosh around in the tank and dislodge anything gunking up the works. I will drive up to a rest area up north and empty the tanks and get them all ready for Thursday. Once I get back home, I’ll make the beds and wipe down the surfaces. I’ll wipe out the fridge and the cabinets and wash the floors. Once the bathroom is cleaned, I can put down the new rugs. I’ll pack it up and we’ll be ready to go!

So…today I choose joy. Even in the busy rush of life and travel preparation. Just breathe. Just breathe.

❤️

“When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought me joy.” Psalm 94:19 NIV

Home, Sweet Home

Sun, 28 Apr 2019 01:30:14 -0600

“Home, Sweet Home…West Virginia!”

I keep forgetting what a long drive that is coming back from the beach in one day. Twelve hours. And that’s not dilly-dallying around, either. Potty breaks only. It rained the last hour and I-77 is under perpetual repair so that slowed us down a bit. It was in the low 50’s when we got home which was a darned sight cooler than the beach was, but we were so grateful for God’s travel mercies. We only saw a couple of minor accidents on the way home. It was such a wonderful trip.

When you get home like that, the last thing you want to do is empty the truck, but we did anyway. It’s almost all put away.

We sprayed for ants before we left and there were just a few sighted. Nothing like before we left. And there was NO WATER in the basement! I prayed hard for that one. TRULY the very last thing you want to do when you get home from a long trip is to suction water out of a soggy basement. Oh, and the grass is nearly a foot deep in places! We mowed the day before we left. Oy!

“Redbud are still blooming on top of the mountains in West Virginia!”

So…we are home safe, suntanned, and very tired. I’ll leave you early with some photos of the day. The dogwoods are in full bloom. The redbud are past their prime except for the top of the mountains. I caught this one at the West Virginia Welcome Center on I-64. The Welcome to West Virginia sign is always a beautiful sight, even though it signals there are still at least three and a half hours of driving left!

“The dogwood trees are in full bloom and are like little fairies in the woods.”

I would like to take this opportunity and congratulate my dear friend Deneene on her marriage to her sweet Mark yesterday. It was an intimate family-only affair but I got to see it on FB Live. Unfortunately, we will be unable to attend their open house in South Carolina next weekend as we will be watching my niece graduate from college in Indiana. I had the honor of walking with Deneene in her early grief and have watched her heart heal and expand to include new love. Congratulations, my sweet friends! I love you and miss you so!

Happy Sunday…can’t wait to get to church!

❤️

“If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.”
Psalm 139:9-10 NIV

Goodbye...For Now

Sat, 27 Apr 2019 01:30:17 -0600

“Best Friends”

Goodbyes are so hard…especially since losing Mr. Virgo. My world perspective has forever changed and grief has colored every thought since that fateful day. I am so aware of how tenuous life is and how strong the bonds between us and those we hold most dear.

Today we have to say so long to our dearest family/friends as they head back home to Colorado and we head back home to the Ponderosa. We have had such a delightful week. The weather seriously couldn’t have been more perfect. Our first morning here dawned sunny and gorgeous and remained the same the entire week until a band of severe thunder storms came through last evening. It rained hard into the night and brought cooler temperatures but today is supposed to be sunny with a high around 70 so it will be perfect traveling weather.

While grief and death are not in the forefront of my thoughts anymore, there are certain things that have changed because of my loss. Now, when I see a scene, I see it through the eyes of a widow and know the scenes I wish I had pictures of. As we watched the sunset in a quiet cove along the sound in the Cape Hatteras National Seashore the other night, I looked back. I noticed Ben & Sue turn to take in the last of the golden light as the sun dipped below the horizon over the glassy surface of the water. I smiled as Sue reached for Ben’s hand and I reached for my cell phone to snap this picture. I added the location and date and sent it to her.

We do not know when our time will come, but we do know statistically that women outlive their husbands. When Mr. Virgo died, I really had fewer photos of him than I thought. I wanted to make sure Ben & Sue had all the special events of the week recorded for posterity.

As we drove down to the beach last weekend, I kept thinking…”It’ll be over in an instant and we’ll be driving back home.” And, here we are. But…oh, my. We made some beautiful memories together this week and I will cherish this time together for the rest of my life.

❤️

“How good and pleasant it is when God’s people live together in unity!” Psalm 133:1 NIV

Oh...Oh...OBX!

Fri, 26 Apr 2019 01:30:47 -0600

“Is there anything better than spending time with loved ones?”

This has been the BEST week! The weather has been amazing. The company SO much fun. And the food has been divine. The only thing that could have made it better would be if ALL the family could be here.

We started out with a hearty breakfast. I had a box of matzoh leftover from the Seder demonstration at church group the other night and brought it along. My very favorite Passover breakfast is Matzoh Brei. You take the sheets of matzoh and crumble them up. Pour enough hot water over them to cover them and let them sit for a while. Then you squeeze the water out of them and place the wet matzoh in another bowl. Beat three or four eggs with some cinnamon, a dash of salt, and a little vanilla extract together then pour it over the wet matzoh and stir till you get a thick batter. Drop 3/4 of a cup of the thick batter on a hot oiled griddle and cook till browned and set in the middle. Serve with butter and syrup like pancakes. Yummm!

We all gathered our things and headed to the beach. Sue and I walked for a while and the guys fished. Mr. FixIt let me cast for him once. We got out the umbrellas and sat for a long time watching a school of dolphins playing in the surf not too far from the shore. Just when we thought it couldn’t get any cooler, we saw the blowing mist from a small humpback whale that breached and showed his beautiful tail fin as he dove back into the sea. OMGosh! That was SO exciting. The guys never got a nibble while we were there so Sue and I decided to head to the indoor pool and exercise. We did some stretches and water aerobics moves till we were tuckered out and headed for the condo.

After our showers, the boys come in with stories and pictures of all the fish they caught AFTER we left! Skates, shark, drum, croaker…they were busy but as always, practiced catch and release. It is the sport that is fun…not the killing.

Once we were all cleaned up, Mr. FixIt hunted up a restaurant that served scallops as that is Ben’s all-time favorite. We discovered Henry’s in Kill Devil Hills and it did not disappoint! I had the best coconut shrimp. Sue had a blackened tuna steak and the boys both had scallops. The hush puppies were really good. We were all too stuffed to order a rich dessert. We stopped at the Ben Franklin store for souvenirs for the grandchildren and Walmart for milk and we were done for the day!

As Sue and I were splashing around in the pool in the afternoon, I shared a concern that’s been bugging me just a little. My younger daughter is getting married in August and I am heavier than I wanted to be. I still have some time to lose weight, but that’s not the point. I’m self-conscious because my ex-husband will see me as fat. It’s ridiculous that I should even let that thought in, but there it sits. Sue has known me through thick and thin since my older daughter started dating her older son. We talked about it as we bounced around in the water with our ample sixty-something tummies and laughed at how silly we can still be, even when we KNOW it doesn’t mean diddly squat what others (ESPECIALLY ex-husbands) think! We talked about dressing strategies and letting go of the rest.

This has been an excellent week for me…just what I needed. A week of fun and sun, sand and surf, and lots of love. My best champions are with me this week and I feel surrounded by their love and care. As Ben & Sue head off to the airport tomorrow, Mr. FixIt and I will drive home to the Ponderosa for a few days of mowing before we pack up the new camper and head out on her maiden voyage to Indiana!

My heart is so full!

❤️

“Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful.”
Colossians 3:15 NIV

The Tourists

Thu, 25 Apr 2019 01:30:07 -0600

“A day in the life of an OBX tourist.”

It is so much fun to see a place through new eyes. Although this is only my fourth trip to the OBX, I’ve seen all the sights multiple times. Sharing them with some of my Colorado family has been such a joy.

Yesterday, we took off a little earlier than usual, picked up a quick breakfast at McDonald’s, stopped to buy some cold medicine to keep me upright, and headed to the Elizabethan Gardens over on Roanoke Island. I think that is one of my very favorite places on the OBX. It’s only a mile around the gardens, but there is so much to see. It’s also interesting to compare one year to the next as far as the bloom. Last year we were at the peak of the camellia bloom and this year we were just past. Some of the trees had already lost all their blossoms. Many of the azaleas were just past their prime as well this year but there were a few rhododendron in full bloom which is such a treat. The gardens need about fifty more gardeners to clean up the winter detritus but other than that, it was gorgeous. And, it was a glorious day! About 78 degrees with a nice breeze off the sound. Such a treat!

The next stop was the aquarium where we slowly browsed our way through, reading the information placards and taking photos. We especially enjoyed the Turtle Hospital and the educational area where we petted the sting rays. Afterwards, we stopped at High Cotton for ribs, collard greens, slaw, hush puppies, and sweet tea. My favorite place but yesterday wasn’t my favorite visit there. I’m going to chalk that up to having a cold and my tastebuds were off.

After we returned to the condo and I took a quick nap, we high-tailed it over to the sound side to catch another beautiful sunset. Sitting on the deck of the Sunset Grille, a cold beverage in hand, my sweet man and two of my dearest friends in the world…it doesn’t get much better than this!

❤️

“He who made the Pleiades and Orion, who turns midnight into dawn and darkens day into night, who calls for the waters of the sea and pours them out over the face of the land— the Lord is his name.” Amos 5:8 NIV

Good Friday

Fri, 19 Apr 2019 01:30:21 -0600

“My grandma’s pretty posies…I love to visit them.”

I ran to the farm yesterday to pick up my laundry I left hanging to dry. I took a quick walkabout to see Grandma’s posies. She loved them so much and I always feel so close to her when I see them.

Grandma loved Easter time. Her flowers were beautiful and she almost always had all of her family together to go to church. I feel terrible that I won’t be attending church with the kids this weekend, but there is a church right across the road from the condo so we will still get to go to an Easter service.

The bags are packed. Going to the time share is much like camping…we take extra linens and pots and pans because the one’s there are somewhat lacking in substance. We also bring some dry goods with us because groceries down there are so expensive. So, the truck will be packed first thing in the morning and we’ll hit the road no later than 9:00.

Small group last night was wonderful. I talked to the girls about Passover and the rituals around the Seder meal. I brought some traditional foods for them to taste. They weren’t crazy about the gefilte fish!

Kathy spoke about Easter. She told how Jesus washed the feet of the Disciples. Then, she prepared a basin and pitcher of warm water and washed all of our feet. It was a humbling experience. When she was done, I stepped forward and invited her to sit so that I could wash hers. I followed her example and told her the beautiful attributes Jesus sees when He looks at her. I thanked her for being such a shining example of a humble servant for all of us to see. And I told her how much I dearly love her.

What a wonderful way to start out our week!

❤️

“It was just before the Passover Festival. Jesus knew that the hour had come for him to leave this world and go to the Father. Having loved his own who were in the world, he loved them to the end. The evening meal was in progress, and the devil had already prompted Judas, the son of Simon Iscariot, to betray Jesus. Jesus knew that the Father had put all things under his power, and that he had come from God and was returning to God; so he got up from the meal, took off his outer clothing, and wrapped a towel around his waist. After that, he poured water into a basin and began to wash his disciples’ feet, drying them with the towel that was wrapped around him. He came to Simon Peter, who said to him, “Lord, are you going to wash my feet?” Jesus replied, “You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand.” “No,” said Peter, “you shall never wash my feet.” Jesus answered, “Unless I wash you, you have no part with me.” “Then, Lord,” Simon Peter replied, “not just my feet but my hands and my head as well!” Jesus answered, “Those who have had a bath need only to wash their feet; their whole body is clean. And you are clean, though not every one of you.” For he knew who was going to betray him, and that was why he said not every one was clean. When he had finished washing their feet, he put on his clothes and returned to his place. “Do you understand what I have done for you?” he asked them. “You call me ‘Teacher’ and ‘Lord,’ and rightly so, for that is what I am. Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another’s feet. I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you. Very truly I tell you, no servant is greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him. Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them.” John 13:1-17 NIV

The Beloved Eastern Redbud

Thu, 18 Apr 2019 01:30:18 -0600

“I couldn’t get a good photo driving today, so I found this one through Google. This is what the redbud trees look like with the fresh, spring green of new growth. Stunning!”

I think I would be hard-pressed to choose just one singular thing that I love the most about West Virginia. There are so many things to choose from…my grandparents’ farm, the lush green woods, the beautiful Ohio River, the sounds of peepers and the numerous birds including whip-poor-wills and owls and mockingbirds. They are all so incredibly beautiful. But, if I had to choose just one thing, it would be the redbud trees in the spring.

These purply-pink flowering trees burst forth in early April bringing breathtaking views around every bend. They tend to stick close to roadways and the stunning shock of pink against the bright spring green of the new growth makes me catch my breath and utter oohs and aahs like watching the Fourth of July Fireworks. They are at their peak this week and I am sure we will have quite the show on our drive south on Friday.

We are both SO looking forward to getting away. We finished the first big mow of the season yesterday and we are so sore we can hardly move. By having the far field brush hogged, our mowed acreage has increased to six acres at the Ponderosa. For those who don’t know, a brush hog is a powerful mower you pull behind a tractor. It cuts down grass much like cutting hay and if you want to return the field to regular mowing, you have to keep after it. However, it isn’t easy mowing. The ground in uneven and choppy and you about lose the fillings in your teeth when you run over it with the riding mower. It will take a while for the grass that grows to look more like a lawn and less like a pasture.

The roughness of mowing, as well as it being our first cutting of the season, has my shoulders, neck and arms screaming. Not even a hot bath could help. Hopefully sleep and NSAIDs will do the trick.

My appointment at the orthopedist went well. He wants to do an MRI of my foot to check for stress fractures. That will be done as soon as we get back from the beach. Today will be spent packing during the day. This evening, I will be reading the Passover Haggadah to my small group from church. I love remembering the Jewish holidays.

❤️

“Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters,” Colossians 3:23 NIV

Evidence of Healing

Tue, 16 Apr 2019 01:30:00 -0600

“A memory from a time long ago and far away…”

I know April is a hectic time of year what with my daughter’s birthday and taxes being due. I was also quite busy this spring writing and editing my book. And, our annual trip to the Outer Banks is this weekend so my mind was preoccupied. As I sat down at the computer yesterday to write my post, I was confronted with one of those Facebook memories complete with scads of photos….of Mr. Virgo’s and my Honeymoon.

I couldn’t believe it. It was on the 7th and it never once crossed my mind. I remember one year I almost forgot. It was probably four years after his death and I felt so terribly guilty because I nearly went the whole day without thinking about it. This time, it was a whole week PAST the anniversary and I may not have remembered at all if I hadn’t seen the photos. But, I didn’t feel guilty. I actually felt somewhat relieved.

There was a point in my grief when I thought I never would feel even somewhat normal again. I didn’t believe I would ever feel joy or freedom and certainly not romantic love again. Yet, here I am. On the other side. I’ve no doubt I still have my moments. NOT remembering seems monumental in some way.

Not focusing on or remembering an important anniversary doesn’t mean I have forgotten Mr. Virgo…or anything about him. It just means time has passed and I am healing. I’ve moved….forward. I wish I could have had some serious reassurance four or five years ago that so much healing could occur in what is a relatively short time in grief years.

This time fourteen years ago, we were driving up the west coast on Highway 1. I wanted to stand on the beach with my husband. Fourteen years later, I’m packing to leave for a trip to the east coast so that I can stand on the beach with my husband.

Ironic.

The whole thing makes me smile. It makes my heart soften. It makes me ever so grateful to have known…and to now know…such great love.

❤️

“Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth— for your love is more delightful than wine.” Song of Songs 1:2 NIV

Darkness into Light

Sun, 14 Apr 2019 01:30:27 -0600

“Looking back, I am humbled by my deliverance.”

The stress of doing taxes this week made me sit back and reflect how differently I cope now as opposed to twenty years ago. Back then, I felt like that guy on Ted Mack’s Amateur Hour. You know the one…he twirled plates on top of sticks. First one, then two, then five…and eventually, he had about twelve of them spinning. He ran from one stick to another, desperately trying to keep all the plates spinning without crashing to the ground.

I did a great job spinning plates till…I didn’t. I burned out. I hit the wall. There were lots of reasons why, but the bottom line was…I didn’t have good coping skills. I had an alcoholic father. I seriously should have known not to push the drinking thing. But, more and more, I relied on alcohol to prop me up.

I had situational anxiety. Going to a party? I’d have a drink in the bathroom while I put on my makeup and called on “Ginny the Party Girl” to step forward…emboldened by a beer. Going to the game with the hospital administrator and his wife? Drink LOTS of beers. Hosting a dinner party for the medical staff? Wine…more wine! It got worse and worse.

When my marriage started to fall apart, I was terrified. I had no idea how to cope because I worshiped at the altar of my husband. I only had a cursory relationship with God and I didn’t know Jesus at all. I was relying entirely on someone fairly unreliable….myself. When thing became difficult between me and my husband, I started drinking about an hour before he was due home so I could get through the evening. Many times I just got too wasted to cook so I went to bed, leaving my family to fend for themselves.

At the very end of our marriage, I found myself standing in a closet in the dark, drinking really expensive tequila straight from the bottle. I knew…KNEW in that moment that I was in dire straits. Unfortunately, when you are in that place, it’s really, really hard to pull yourself out of it without some help. I was just functional enough to fool people into thinking I still had it together…but I did not.

Our last Thanksgiving, my best friend’s husband caught me sneaking into their kitchen during dinner and drinking shots of tequila. I fell asleep on their couch while all the guests were at the table having dessert. I was desperately ill, but I was also an embarrassment. My husband didn’t know what to do with me. When I overdosed a couple of months later, I made the decision for him and I went away to get the help I needed.

Now, as a Christian, I know that God uses all things for my good and for HIS glory. Last week in church, I said my usual prayer…”Lord, if you have a message just for me, please deliver it through Pastor Justin.” And, in his message, God sent this…

“God will use your experiences for your good. He will use them for His glory. Your experiences are your story and your story has power. It has the power to change people. Don’t be afraid to put yourself out there and share your testimony.”

I smiled.

God himself told me in that moment that, no matter how bad I got…no matter how messy my life was…no matter how dysfunctional I had been…He had saved me. HE came for ME! He left the 99 and came for the ONE. And when He found me, He carried me on His shoulders back to the flocks and announced to all…”Look, I’ve found my lost sheep! Come! Help me celebrate!”

I know God has great things in store for me. I anticipate the unexpected, just like Christine Caine preaches in her book, Unexpected: Leave Fear Behind, Move Forward in Faith, Embrace the Adventure. Yes, sometimes the unexpected is bad. But, sometimes it is amazing. I could never in a million years have imagined back when I was in the throes of torment…where I’d be today. I am so incredibly grateful that Jesus never gave up on me. He pursued me relentlessly because He had a plan. He knew what I was capable of. I am so humbled by His Love. Through Him, I can turn a dark and painful time into a testimony of the Goodness of God

On this…Palm Sunday…remember the triumphal return of Jesus to Jerusalem is also the beginning of Holy Week. It is the true beginning of the end of His earthly walk. May you all be blessed and humbled in the coming week.

❤️

““What do you think? If a man owns a hundred sheep, and one of them wanders away, will he not leave the ninety-nine on the hills and go to look for the one that wandered off? And if he finds it, truly I tell you, he is happier about that one sheep than about the ninety-nine that did not wander off. In the same way your Father in heaven is not willing that any of these little ones should perish.”
Matthew 18:12-14 NIV

Ommmmmmmmm.......

Fri, 12 Apr 2019 01:30:49 -0600

“Trust me…I did NOT look this peaceful and serene this week working on my banking!”

I looked for a photo of someone working on her computer looking so peaceful and serene. Because, that has definitely NOT been me this week! Ok, seriously…I feel like I could reach back in the archives of any of the past six years, pull out a post for the week before taxes are due, and it would be the same darned story. Over and over and over. I wait till the last minute to reconcile my bank account. Yes…in the good old days when I didn’t have grief brain, I balanced it every month…to the penny. Now? Well, lets just say this year was better. I balanced it up till the end of July. The rest I had to download. And…my bank only keeps three months worth of statements in the accessible pipeline. Anything before that and you have to do a manual download which I have discovered may or may not be totally accurate. Not the program’s fault…it’s the operator.

I am not sure what I did wrong but my guess is I duplicated some entries and I was off by a country mile. In the past, this would have bugged the heck out of me and I would have spent an inordinate amount of time combing through every detail till I found the problem. And, if time wasn’t a factor, maybe I would do that. But it’s not like I’m keeping the national treasury balanced. My main purpose for using Quicken is to run expense reports for taxes. It’s not rocket science. I held my breath and created an audit. I go by my bank balance anyway, so I just balanced it to that and called it good.

This wasn’t accomplished without a fair amount of hair-pulling and choice words because in the middle of things, the internet stopped working at the house. I didn’t have enough time to go back out to the farm and used the excruciatingly slow internet there, so I packed up my laptop and headed for Panera. I got a good salad, sat down, connected to the internet and ran a scan on their wireless to detect anything fishy. It came up clean so I scooted into my account, did the magic, and was back out in less than a minute. Easy peasy.

Next stop was Sam’s club to pick up a copy of this year’s TurboTax. I freaked out a little when I couldn’t find any and was afraid it might be sold out but they had some copies at the service desk. TurboTax has this really neat thing where you can do your taxes online and just pay for the tax program when you’re finished. The thing is, it was about $30 more to do it that way. You have to pay attention…these guys are tricky!

So, the banking is done. Now all we have to do is plug in the numbers and see where we stand. Married filing jointly? Married filing separately? We’ll just have to see how it plays out. I’m just so blessed to have the choice.

❤️

“Tell us then, what is your opinion? Is it right to pay the imperial tax to Caesar or not?” But Jesus, knowing their evil intent, said, “You hypocrites, why are you trying to trap me? Show me the coin used for paying the tax.” They brought him a denarius, and he asked them, “Whose image is this? And whose inscription?” “Caesar’s,” they replied. Then he said to them, “So give back to Caesar what is Caesar’s, and to God what is God’s.”” Matthew 22:17-21 NIV

Memory Recall

Thu, 11 Apr 2019 01:30:10 -0600

“Photos of childhood memories can bridge the miles between you and your children.”

Sometimes it’s hard to reach my kids, both literally and figuratively. They have busy lives. Jobs, families, houses…they don’t have a lot of time to visit with their mom. I get that. I was in their shoes. So, instead of whining about it and pulling more than a nominal guilt trip, I have taken to sending them pictures of things I find on Pinterest. Not just any old thing. Things that will stir a memory of their childhoods and make them smile whether they have time to talk or not.

One such photo was this one. It is identical to the kitchen we lived in when she was little and her daddy was in medical school. She remembered the sink, she said. But I know, if she remembered the sink, she thought of all the times I canned our food and baked our bread. She might have thought of the times we set up the tent in the backyard so she could have a sleepover. I’m sure she thought of the slumber party I let her have in the Vanagon camper with the pop top. We were still finding peanut M&M’s months later. Maybe she thought of the Christmas Eve Blizzard when we spent the day pushing people out of the ditch in front of the house. Or the time she rode her bike on the church parking lot down the street and almost put her eye out on a tree branch.

I miss being close to my kids. Maybe by this time, if I hadn’t have found Mr. FixIt, I might have been back there…or at least spend more time in Colorado. But, just as my girls have lives…so do I. I just have to make the most of the time I do have with them when I am there.

I spent yesterday at the farm again. I made great progress on the paperwork I’m doing. Tomorrow I can wrap it up and we can do our taxes and be done with it. I promise myself every year that I wont procrastinate next year…and here we are. Down to the wire yet again. Maybe next year!

❤️

“But everything should be done in a fitting and orderly way.” 1 Corinthians 14:40 NIV

TOW-Wanda III: Day 1 - Cleanup

Sun, 07 Apr 2019 01:30:52 -0600

“The first thing that had to go was the bunk bed over the main bed.”

The first thing I did yesterday…after coffee, of course…was head out to the new camper. I could hardly sleep the night before, I was so excited. I didn’t realize how very much I missed my first camper till I got a load of this one! I hooked it up to electric and checked out the systems again. The air conditioning worked fine. I cleaned the filter screen in the AC unit so it works more efficiently. The fan, lights, and microwave. I haven’t checked the refrigerator yet.

Mr. FixIt was kind enough to bring a ladder and some RV cleaning products out to the camper for me as well as a hose and scrub brush. I started scrubbing with an RV wash/wax combo and followed up with a Norwex cleaning cloth and Norwex cleaning paste to get the black streaks off. I rinsed it well and checked inside…NO LEAKS! Yesssss! No leaks is a good thing…especially with a 2007 camper. This thing is built exceedingly well.

The camper is a Cikira Classic Cruiser 18FB…which roughly translates to an 18 foot camper with a front bed. From what I can find, Cikira RV wasn’t around for very long, but I don’t think that was because they lacked a quality product. If this camper is any indication, the quality is excellent. The RV industry isn’t easy to break into. But more importantly, look at the date of my camper. The economy in 2007 was booming and people were traveling a lot. Then 2008 came and the bottom fell out of the market. No one was spending money on anything extra. I know…that’s when I had to close my needlework shop. Hobbies like camping and needlework are the first to go when it comes to extraneous expenses.

Once I had the outside walls scrubbed down, I opened the awning and gave it a good wash. I left it open to dry in our beautiful 72 degree weather and closed it up before dusk so it wouldn’t gather the dew. Then it was time to head indoors. The first thing that had to go was the bunk bed overtop the main bed. The previous owners had a 10 year old daughter who loved the bunk above, but it was too confining to lay underneath it and I knew I would hit my head every time is sat down. The bunk was secured with sturdy angle iron and the plywood base was screwed securely to it. I removed the twin size memory foam mattress and Mr. FixIt helped me carry it down to the storage room. We can use it for an extra if we have overflow company.

The front piece of the bunk bed was a long piece of heavy angle iron attached to a decorative wood front. I removed that piece but left the other three pieces of angle iron connected to the three walls above the windows. This way, if we ever need the bunk bed again, we can pop it back in easily enough. Taking that bunk out opened up the entire bed area and made it much more comfortable, roomy, and light. By this time I was fried so I gave in and snuggled up on my new bed and took a nap.

So, our blessings continue. Our great granddaughter is being dedicated to Jesus in church this morning! My heart is so happy!

❤️

“And he took the children in his arms, placed his hands on them and blessed them.”
Mark 10:16 NIV

Vibrant Women

Mon, 01 Apr 2019 01:30:37 -0600

“Vibrant Women…a women’s ministry.”

Something phenomenal happened Friday night and it has taken me this long to process it. Actually, I’m sure I’ll be processing it for some time to come. We have a husband-wife team leading our church. It has been wonderful to watch Pastor Heather growing into a strong leader for the women of our region. A little over three years ago, God planted a seed in her to lead a Women’s Ministry. She gathered her friends together, told them her ideas for this movement, and asked them to start feeding her possible names. When she heard “Vibrant Women”, she was moved. Vigorous. Energetic. Lively. Vital. All words that resonated with where she wanted to go with this movement….words that described women of strong faith.

This was the third Vibrant Women event held at our church…the second I have attended. It’s come a long way since the beginning. I think there might have been two-hundred women at the first one. Friday night saw almost SEVEN HUNDRED women packed into our church. There wasn’t a seat in the house. The sound booth said at one point the decibel scale peaked out at the same level as a jet engine. It was crazy fun. The energy level in that room was amazing.

We had a guest pastor…Pastor April Carter of the Together Church in Yakima, Washington. Pastor April spoke about Living Beyond Fear. Oh….she touched every single one of us. At the end of her message, she told a personal story. Someone who works in her church called her…panic stricken. Then he arrived home, his house was surrounded by police, fire, and ambulance crews. They would not let him in the house. The only thing he knew was, something happened that involved his son. Pastor April and Pastor Micahn headed to the hospital to meet them.

As they sat there, waiting for word of what was going on, she absentmindedly fingered a necklace she was wearing that a friend gave her. It is engraved…”I Can Do Hard Things”. The time dragged slowly by. They prayed together. They held each other up. And, finally…the doctor came out. Their friends’ son had gotten his hands on a gun and somehow accidentally shot himself. And they could not save him. Pastor April closed her eyes and repeated to herself…

“I can do hard things. I can do hard things. I can do hard things.”

Since Mr. Virgo died, I haven’t been so good in medical emergencies. There have been times I haven’t been able to show up for people who need me to do hard things. Pastor April challenged us to put on our boxing gloves and get in the ring of life and fight. Listening to her, I felt empowered. I felt stronger. I felt like trying harder and being the best version of myself I can be. I mean, isn’t that what faith does for us?

“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” Even the hard things.

We were doubly blessed in that Pastor April delivered our message at church yesterday too so we got to hear her twice this weekend. I googled her name on YouTube last night and there was a message called “Hard Reset”. You should give it a listen if you are interested. She is very good.

❤️

“I can do all this through him who gives me strength.”
Philippians 4:13 NIV

The Ponderosa

Wed, 27 Mar 2019 01:30:52 -0600

“The Ponderosa is the land I have dreamed of all my life.”

I’ve still been recuperating from this bronchitis/cold/virus/allergy thing. Kind of laying low, taking care of myself. To keep from re-infecting Mr. FixIt (he already had this last month), I’ve been spending a lot of time out in TOW-Wanda…resting, reading, writing, napping, cogitating. It has been very good for me to spend so much time in my little house on wheels. It certainly made winter go by MUCH quicker!

As I was writing this yesterday, I was stretched out in my “sun room”…the slide-out in my camper. It is actually the dinette, but it collapses down and makes a twin-sized bed and I actually have a mattress in there. I have piles of pillows and comfy blankets all around so it’s a nice little cocoon in which to snuggle and write and dream.

An e-mail came in while I was writing and it took me back probably ten years or so. It was from a site called Land Watch. Many years ago, I was trying to convince Mr. Virgo that it would be a very good idea to move back home to West Virginia. He humored me and looked at the farms and land I found. He half-heartedly searched for B&B’s for sale here and in the surrounding states. But, he came from Pennsylvania…he lived a long time in Florida…all with the goal of ultimately living in Colorado. His Nirvana. I think if push came to shove, he would have moved here for me…but he wouldn’t have been happy. God had different plans anyway because he took Mr. Virgo to His home before I could take him to mine.

As I looked at that e-mail and thought of all those times I dreamed of having a few acres in West Virginia, I looked out the windows of TOW-Wanda at the fields and far hills of the Ponderosa and smiled. I have what I have always dreamed of having. A faith-filled life. A wonderful family…biological and bonus. And land…a garden, grass, trees, flowers. TWO farms, actually. I’m doubly blessed. I had no idea ten years ago I would realize my lifelong dream but it wouldn’t look at all like I thought it would. It’s funny how life plays out.

I took the liberty of blurring out some identifying features in the photo above. There’s a neighbor up at the top there…I blurred out their home. And I blurred out the roads and route numbers that were on the map. But it gives you an excellent view of the Ponderosa. All that green there? That’s what we mow! This satellite image was taken at least two and a half years ago because the maple is still in the front yard. It fell in late 2016 or early 2017. You can see the curved drive where there are two campers parked. My TOW-Wanda sits where that blue dot is on the map.

Nature is getting ready to show off…things are getting green. The trees are starting to bud. The forsythia are blooming, as are the daffodils. They were stunted somewhat by the polar vortex, I think. They are much shorter than usual. We were walking through the yard on Monday and realized it won’t be long till we need to mow it. It will be at least a month before we get the pool ready. As I am writing this, the sun is shining. We are at our high for the day…51 degrees. We are going to our Alma Mater’s Girl’s Softball game this evening to watch one of the granddaughters play. It is a good life we live and I still have to pinch myself sometimes to believe I’m really here.

❤️

“He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters,” Psalm 23:2 NIV

Into the Woods

Mon, 25 Mar 2019 01:30:28 -0600

“A satellite view of The Farm….lots and lots of trees and hills.”

You have seen pictures of the farmhouse I’ve been caring for…the home of my heart. I’ve tried to describe what the 74 acres looks like. “Lots of trees and woods” is a bit of an understatement and it’s hard to picture if you are unfamiliar with the dense deciduous woods of West Virginia.

I went on Google Maps and took a satellite view of the farm. I wasn’t able to get all the land in one picture without making the house look so small you couldn’t see it. But, that little red dot in the lower left corner is the map pin on the house. And those dense woods you see there is maybe two-thirds of the farm itself. Inside those woods are trails and roads, creeks and rocky outcroppings. And somewhere off to the right about one-third up from the bottom is the strawberry shed where we sorted berries for the farmer’s market.

The ground gains elevation rapidly on both sides of the house and comes together in a “V” and on up the hills to the back of the farm. The little creek that comes down off those hills and runs right past the bedroom window roars when there’s been heavy rain. It crosses under the road through a two or three foot culvert and joins the bigger creek across the road. That flows on down to a larger river, to a larger river, to the Ohio River to the Mississippi River, and finally to the Gulf of Mexico. Water from our farm. Isn’t that cool?

Well, in theory it is cool. But this is the time of year for massive flooding so our rushing creek water gets added to thousands of other creeks and the drainage backs up. Our watershed isn’t related to the flooding in the Midwest. Their flooding is of epic proportions and people are still trying to dig out from under that.

Before Parkersburg built the flood wall, town used to flood a lot. When I was a little girl, around five years old, the creek that ran beside our house overflowed its banks and we were evacuated by rowboats going up our street. Since then, a lot of mitigation work has been completed and they don’t see that kind of flooding anymore.

We are supposed to be getting rain all day again. A little cooler today, but soon….soon we will enjoy long stretches of warm spring days and we can spend more time outside. The forsythia is just started to bloom. Whole hillsides are covered with bright yellow daffodils. They were an inexpensive flower that farm wives could afford to put in their yards to brighten up their little corners of the world. As a matter of fact, you drive along country roads and you can tell where houses once stood by the evidence of daffodils in a square or rectangle…surrounding the perimeter of a house long gone.

The grass is greening up. Mr. FixIt and I remarked that we’ll be mowing before long. And, the spring onions are sending up their shoots in clumps all through the lawn. The first time or two that we mow, it will smell strongly of onions when we pass over them. When I was a little girl and we milked cows, the milk smelled and tasked of onion. NOT want you want to eat on your !Cheerios! The butter also smelled like onions…not quite so bad if you were putting in vegetables, but yucky if you were putting on biscuits with jelly.

I love, love, love this time of year. Time to roll up our sleeves and get stuff done!

❤️

“Let my teaching fall like rain and my words descend like dew, like showers on new grass, like abundant rain on tender plants.” Deuteronomy 32:2 NIV

Kiss Me...I’m 23% Irish!

Sun, 17 Mar 2019 01:30:33 -0600

“We’re all Irish on St. Paddy’s Day!”

According to my DNA test results, I am 23% Irish-Scottish. I wish I would have known this before Mr. Virgo died because he was a very, very proud Irish lad. I mean…McKinney, right? It doesn’t get much more Irish than that. He acted like he had a corner on the market when it came to Irish roots. He adored St. Patrick’s Day. Every year, we had corned beef and cabbage and fried apples for dinner. He stopped short of wearing green since he worked in 5-Star hotels and restaurants. He had a certain decorum about him. But, ohhhhhh, that was HIS holiday.

He called me the night of the 16th and said…”OMGosh! I forgot to buy green food coloring for the beer! You’ve got to go to the store for me!” Ok…every…stinking…year.

“Are you telling me you can’t think of this at least ONCE in the 364 days between the holidays?” I was always thunderstruck this incredibly organized VIRGO couldn’t seem to grasp that he was going to need green food coloring every year.

“Yes! Please…it’s 9:00! The stores are going to close soon…I need to bring it in with me in the morning. Get as many bottles as you can!”

sigh

“Ok, babe…I’ll do my best!”

We lived in a teeny little town with one grocery store. I rushed in and cornered the first grocery clerk I came to. “Quick! Green food coloring! I need ALL of your green food coloring!”

Do you have a picture in your mind of the look on her face?

“Ummmmmm, ok. It’s over here.”

Four little bottles. I bought them and tried to calculate if I could get to the next town in time before they closed so I could buy more when my better angels said, “Nahhhhh…that’s enough.”

Every year…same thing.

I was sitting in the pizza joint typing this the other night. I haven’t really felt Mr. Virgo around for quite awhile, but as I was in the middle of typing this story and literally laughing out loud…the radio overhead got really loud.

“At Last” by Etta James.

We danced our first dance to that song. I sat back and looked at the empty seat across the booth from me and smiled.

‘Are you here? Did you come to say hello? Happy St. Patrick’s Day, Mr. Virgo! I’m so glad you stopped by.’

❤️

“Whoever believes and is baptized will be saved, but whoever does not believe will be condemned.” Mark 16:16 NIV

Heaven Sent

Fri, 15 Mar 2019 01:30:41 -0600

“I know it isn’t officially spring, but….this is good enough for me!”

Beware the Ides of March, they say. March 15th hasn’t always been my favorite day. For instance, this was the day Hubby #2 told me he wanted a divorce. Not one of my better days. This was also the day of Mr. Virgo’s viewing and Rosary which knocked all previous bad days out of the bad day competition up to that point. I think the 16th nudged ahead of that one.

Now though…now is different. Even though it’s not officially spring in West Virginia, you can’t tell Mother Nature that. Yesterday was stellar with a temp of 79 degrees at 4:00pm. After watching videos of the bomb cyclone that tore through Colorado on Wednesday, I was ever so grateful to sit in TOW-Wanda and write. The sounds of the peepers serenaded me as the stiff breezes rocked the camper gently. I even rubbed it in by video chatting with my favorite peeps in Denver and showed them the sunshine and open windows in my camper. Yeah…they don’t like me much right now….can’t understand why. insert eye-roll here

We all have good times and bad times in life that cycle up and down. I don’t forget the bad times. In the throes of acute grief, you honestly don’t believe you will ever feel joy again so it comes as a surprise when you first feel it. You even feel guilty because, after all, how can you possibly laugh when your person died? Eventually, one smile brings two. Laughter slowly replaces tears. Warm memories eventually move the pain of loss a little further back in your mind till eventually, even one day after the angelversary, you can feel the sun on your face and appreciate a warm spring day with undeniable joy in your heart.

Life is good. God is great. Spring is here. Joy abounds. Breathe. If these things aren’t here for you yet…hang on. They’re coming. ❤️

“A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit saps a person’s strength.” Proverbs 17:22 NLT

Angelversary

Tue, 12 Mar 2019 01:30:19 -0600

“Remembering Mr. Virgo”

Last year, I removed the date of Mr. Virgo’s death from my calendar so I would no longer receive reminders on my phone. After all, I’m not likely to forget such an event as that anyway. I do have a hard time remembering the exact date of my mom’s death and my grandma’s and my dad’s. I know approximately when they occurred but I have to look it up if I need to know the exact date. Not so with Mr. Virgo’s. I’ll never forget that…or him.

It was six years ago today that we set out to buy the travel trailer to take us into retirement. It was a beautiful sunny day with a hint of spring and we had everything to look forward to. Although I had been having premonitions all week, it was still a shock when he died so suddenly.

This was something I didn’t believe I could recover from. I swore to my girls that I would never, ever get married again because I couldn’t go through this a second time. Yet, here we are…six years down the road and I’m married again…to an equally wonderful man. I’ve been blessed with good men in my life.

My friend Deneene lost her husband in March a few years after me. I began to mentor her through the widow experience when she was going through a particularly rough patch. We don’t get to see each other much anymore as she has moved to South Carolina with her new love. We connect frequently via chat and yesterday, she sent a note telling me she was thinking of me and the angelversary of Mr. Virgo’s death. She asked how I was going to commemorate this day. Last year, when I removed the alarm from my calendar, I thought five years was enough of that. I figured I wouldn’t want to do anything special anymore. But, once I thought about it, I decided I was wrong. Time doesn’t change the facts.

It’s interesting at this point to think of my marriage to Mr. Virgo. He has now been gone the same amount of time we were married. And, just because time has passed, and just because I’m crazy in love with Mr. FixIt and I’m happily married, doesn’t mean my love for this wonderful man I shared my life with has diminished. Daughter #2 called me yesterday and we talked for quite some time about this. When we lose someone so special, our hearts expand at some point. My heart is much, much bigger than it was when Mr. Virgo died. There are spaces there with the names of every person I have truly loved. Those spaces do not become smaller in order to allow room for other to come in. The vessel itself had to grow.

As time has passed after each loss, those spaces that remain from the love lost aren’t empty shells. I’ve filled them with love and memories like filling a beautiful vase with thousands of blooms…only these flowers will never die. There were times, especially with the divorces, that I held onto bitterness and anger, but those things did not serve me. Filling each space in my heart with love has been my saving grace.

I am so blessed to be married to such a wonderful man who does not expect me to clean house and rid myself of those spaces in my heart. I would never expect him to do so. If you have truly loved someone, no matter what the end result of the relationship, filling those rooms full of flowers can set you free.

So, I’m at the farm. I’m writing and drinking good coffee and eating chocolate hearts. And I’m counting all my blessings for a heart filled with blooms by remembering my life with a good, kind man. ❤️

“My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” Psalm 73:26 NIV

My First Job

Sun, 10 Mar 2019 01:30:08 -0600

“McCrory’s Five & Dime in Downtown Parkersburg”

I got my first job when I was 16. My family didn’t have much money, and if I wanted to buy anything extra, I had to come up with a way to pay for it myself. I saved my babysitting money in a piggy bank. Then when I had a fair amount, I went to the bank and opened a savings account. Then I learned McCrory’s was looking for help with sales and stocking the store in the evenings after school. I walked downtown from my mom’s office and got the job.

I especially remember a beautiful jewelry box. My mom didn’t have nice things like fancy jewelry and the like, but what she did have…she treasured as if it were something from Tiffany’s. I wanted that jewelry box for my mom.

I knew that once the money went in my savings account, it was off limits for spending. That’s when I heard about The Christmas Club. If you went in to the bank and put in a dollar, you could open an account that basically just parked your money for you till the holidays. Then you withdrew all but a dollar and started over.

I put that jewelry box on layaway at McCrory’s and opened my Christmas Club account. I remember feeling SO grown up when I put money in my account and knew it was going to be something special for my mom. Every Saturday, my friends and I would take the City Bus downtown to walk around the stores. My first stop was the bank to put some money in my Christmas Club. Then we went to GC Murphy’s and I bought a 45RPM record and a small ball of angora yarn to wrap around my boyfriend’s ring to make it fit me. Then we would sit at the lunch counter and have a Cherry Coke and laugh and talk for a couple of hours.

Sometimes we would walk through Dils Brothers Department store. The front of the store had huge display windows that were tastefully decorated. We took the elevator up and down. There was a woman in a uniform who operated the elevator and called out each floor. Every once in a while, you heard a small soft chime overhead. I believe it was some sort of communication to the employees. None of us could afford to buy anything at Dils. We couldn’t afford Broida’s Stone & Thomas or Buttermore’s Jewelers either, but we walked around and pretended we could.

When the first of December came around, I went to the bank and cashed in my Christmas Club and bought my mom that jewelry box. She thought it was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen. I had enough money to buy her a bottle of Evening in Paris as well as some bath salts. I know I bought her gifts over the years, and as my financial situation improved, her gifts became more elaborate. But none were ever given, or received, with such pride as the ones I gave that Christmas from the first money I ever earned on my own…from McCrory’s Five and Dime. ❤️

“Dishonest money dwindles away, but whoever gathers money little by little makes it grow.” Proverbs 13:11 NIV

A Change of Scenery

Wed, 06 Mar 2019 02:30:11 -0600

“Running out of propane sent me running for the farm.”

I had a lovely, slow start to my morning yesterday. I had a full day planned out in “the office”, reading and editing the rough draft. Went out and turned the furnace on ahead of time to warm it up since it was a frigid 17 degrees. I fixed my coffee, gathered my book bag, kissed Mr. FixIt goodbye, and headed out to TOW-Wanda.

I wasn’t out there 20 minutes when it seemed to be getting colder instead of warmer. I got up and checked the air blowing out of the heater vents…barely warm. I lit the burner on the stove and even on high, there was barely a flame. I was very close to running out of propane. So, I shut it all down, packed everything back up, and headed back in the house.

As I’ve shared before, we are in the midst of renovating the master bath, which usually has Mr. FixIt hopping. However, with it being 17 degrees, he wasn’t very motivated to go out to the building and cut drywall. I knew I would be tempted to blow off what I intended to do and just hang out with my buddy all day. Instead, I announced there was a change of plans.

Since my book bag was already packed, I decided to come to the farm for a few days of intense editing time. After a snooze in the recliner, Mr. FixIt found the motivation to work on the bathroom…since his playmate wasn’t going to be there. It sounds like a win-win, I do believe. I arrived, fixed some lunch, and carried my coffee to the front window where Grandma always watched the world go by. My portable desk on my lap, my iPad open and at the ready, I found my gaze continually pulled to the view before me.

There is the clock I bought Mr. Virgo for his last Christmas. There is the little birdhouse my dear friend Charlotte gave me. You can see the newel post my Uncle Bud made for Grandma when I was a very little girl. He had a penchant for all things cedar. Out front, the bird feeders were attracting the usual flock of chickadees, finches, and tufted titmice. The doves gathered around on the ground below, scavenging what had been knocked aside by the others as they looked for their favorite tidbits among the seeds.

I kept hearing a banging sound I couldn’t identify. It sounded like the popping sound the old gas stove made before we switched out for the new one. I sat in the bathroom for twenty minutes waiting for it to kick off and back on but it never did. I sat in the bedroom and finally heard the sound again. It came from the front of the house. I walked around out front and couldn’t find anything and just as I was coming back inside, a gust of wind knocked something on the front porch and duplicated the sound. A little repositioning and the problem was solved.

The deep gong of the only wind chime I can tolerate let me know the breeze is picking up. It’s cold and white outside, but in here, it’s warm and toasty. We have free gas at the farm. My Pop-Pop always said, the free gas was worth more than the farm itself. I believe he is correct, from a strictly monetary and convenience standpoint. But I would beg to differ in the real value of these 74 acres. This is…and will always be…the home of my heart. It’s old. It’s drafty. The roof leaks in a couple places, but not bad. The linoleum flooring is cracked and has holes here and there…it’s pattern worn and faded.

The original double hung windows are single paned in desperate need of a good washing. The nail heads show through on the old plaster and lathe walls. The boards creak in just the right areas to play the same tune I’ve heard all my life as I wander through the rooms. The pump kicks on out in the cellar house, reminding me our water doesn’t come through some treatment plant but is filtered through the sand and limestone far below my feet. It’s been briny ever since they capped off the wells on this property over 60 years ago.

As I write this, propped up in Grandma and Pop-Pop’s bed, the window is cracked open just enough so I can hear the soft gurgle of the creek beneath the bedroom window. You don’t really have to have the window open to feel the wind blowing outside. All you need to do is stand near the front or back door and hold out your hand. The wind blows around the edges quite easily.

A thought has been nagging me for a week till I finally figured it out. My grandma died 20 years ago March 2nd. It is so hard to believe she has been gone so long and I miss her every day. I think that’s one reason I love this farm so much. I know SHE loved it, and I loved her. This is where I feel closest to her.

Ok, so…I didn’t get as much done yesterday as I would have liked. That’s ok…my heart is full and my spirit is warmed by the rich memories these walls hold for me. I’ll take getting recharged here over stressing about edits…any day of the week. Today will be another day and I can start refreshed…coffee in hand…warmth in my heart. ❤️

““But watch out! Be careful never to forget what you yourself have seen. Do not let these memories escape from your mind as long as you live! And be sure to pass them on to your children and grandchildren.”
Deuteronomy 4:9 NLT

“I Have a Voice”

Sat, 23 Feb 2019 02:30:00 -0600

“I Have a Voice” woodcarving by Evelyn Jimenez

I have met some of the nicest people through my blog. One is a widow named Evelyn. She became very ill after losing her husband and very nearly died herself. Evelyn is a woodcarver, which I find endlessly fascinating. I’ve tried my hand at carving but I haven’t had the right tools for the job. I really would love to try again sometime…in my SPARE time. sigh

A few weeks ago, I saw a little faceless woman she carved and titled, “I Have a Voice”. This little round woman struck my heart. I went for a very long time in my life without a voice. I felt like the faceless woman, being told I wasn’t good enough or I was stupid or I was too fat. When you hear these things over and over and over from someone who is supposed to love you, you soon come to believe them as true.

I wanted my own little faceless woman to remind me that I am no longer without a voice. I wanted to remember that time when I was without a face so that I might recognize other faceless women. Instead of making me sad when I see her dejected little hands stuffed in her pockets, I smile because she might just be hiding cupcakes in there.

And…I know. I know she has a voice in there. I know because I had a voice inside…even when it was stifled. We can always say “I wish I would have known then what I know now.” For me it’s more like “I wish I would have known then WHO I know now.” I think if I’d known then how much God loved me, I would have loved myself more. And, if I’d loved myself more, I wouldn’t have allowed myself to be treated so poorly…even as a young child. Hindsight is 20/20. The best thing I can do now is mentor young women and make sure they know they are precious and loved and deserving. ❤️

“The desert and the parched land will be glad; the wilderness will rejoice and blossom. Like the crocus, it will burst into bloom; it will rejoice greatly and shout for joy. The glory of Lebanon will be given to it, the splendor of Carmel and Sharon; they will see the glory of the Lord, the splendor of our God.”
Isaiah 35:1-2 NIV

On Loving...Unconditionally

Thu, 14 Feb 2019 02:30:27 -0600

“I am a Christian AND I love everyone… unconditionally.”

The other day, a West Virginia delegate made a series of ugly and disparaging comments about the LGBTQ community. He compared them to terrorists and the Ku Klux Klan. He was interviewed later and given an opportunity to clarify his position, and it was actually SO much worse than what was originally reported. When asked what he would do if his son or daughter came home and told him they were gay, the delegate said if it was his daughter, he would take her for a pedicure. If it was his son, he would take him hunting. And if, upon their return, they still said they were gay…he would take them out and “see if they could swim”. The interviewer was aghast and asked, “Are you saying, you would take them out and try to drown them???” He just looked at her with a sinister grin and didn’t answer.

I was sickened, on so many levels. First and foremost, that he has this kind of hatred in his heart and calls himself a Christian. Second, that he would turn away from his children, or worse…do them physical harm. And, finally…it HAD to be a West Virginian. Why did he have to come from MY state? The answer is, because there are people like him in every state.

Here of late, I have been so uplifted and fortified by my faith, I have been shouting “Hallelujah!” from the rooftops. And that’s how I feel…excited by the ways I see God move in my life. Excited about the opportunities to share my stories of his love and provenance. Then, this week…I received this wedding invitation. And I was reminded, I may be giving people the wrong idea about who I am in my faith.

Some people may equate my bold Christian joy with the kind of person who denigrates those who are unlike them, like that delegate from West Virginia. Nothing could be further from the truth. I do not discriminate against anyone. I’m not perfect, but I certainly try to emulate Jesus at every turn. He loves everyone. He does not see people from the outside. He looks at their hearts. After raising my daughters in the Jewish faith, I was appalled when Daughter #2 came home from school crying because the kids called her a “stupid f****** Jew”. I held her close and tried to explain ignorance and intolerance and bigotry. It broke my heart.

I respect all faiths, save for those who kill people in the name of their god. I respect all people, save for those who kill or maim or injure children or animals. When I raise my voice in praise for Jesus, I don’t want it to exclude my love for others who don’t believe as I do. I don’t want to walk ahead of and ignore the one who is still looking for God. I don’t want the Muslims and the Jews and the Seiks and the Hindus and even the atheists…anyone of any faith…to think I do not love them equally. I look for, and see, the God in all people. That divine spark that comes from somewhere far beyond the stars. That sign of something far greater than any of us here.

I also embrace the LGBTQ community as my fellow human beings, who house that same divine spark as me. It is not my place to judge anyone…not even that delegate from West Virginia. Everyone will be judged by their maker in the end. It’s not my job. At the same time, I’m going to tell you about this amazing Jesus who rules my life. And, I’m going to show you, as best I can by the way that I live, how a good and loving and forgiving Father has changed me. The two can, and in my humble opinion SHOULD walk hand in hand.

Because, you see…that wedding invitation we got in the mail this week? That’s from Daughter #2 and her fiancée…a very kind and loving woman who has helped my baby become a better version of herself. They are getting married in Colorado in August. They love each other completely… unconditionally. How can I not do the same with both of them? This is my child. We love who we love. It is not my place to judge. You may do what you wish, but I do pray I will always, always, always land on the side of love. Because that is the way Jesus loves me.

***If you don’t agree with me, that’s ok…I won’t judge you either. I know this is a hot topic for some, but this is my house, my rules. We speak with respect here. This is a case where we’ll take my grandma’s advise…”If we can’t say anything nice, we won’t say anything at all.” ❤️

“As for the one who is weak in faith, welcome him, but not to quarrel over opinions. One person believes he may eat anything, while the weak person eats only vegetables. Let not the one who eats despise the one who abstains, and let not the one who abstains pass judgment on the one who eats, for God has welcomed him. Who are you to pass judgment on the servant of another? It is before his own master that he stands or falls. And he will be upheld, for the Lord is able to make him stand.”
Romans 14:1-4 ESV

A Marshmallow Day

Mon, 11 Feb 2019 02:30:19 -0600

“Cold, grey days are Marshmallow Days!”

I got home safe and sound yesterday just in time to leave for church. The tree that had fallen across the road the night before was cut up and moved from the roadway. The same scenario is being repeated over the entire region with the thaw and soaking rains causing the ground to soften. All it takes is a little gust of wind and trees topple easily.

We have thoroughly enjoyed church the last couple of weeks with Mr. FixIt’s daughter and family joining us. I can’t tell you how wonderful it feels to take up seven seats in a row. My heart is overflowing.

Our pastor spoke on criticism yesterday. Good criticism comes from a place of love, and even though it stings, it is meant to lift us up. We all have suffered the other kind of criticism that really isn’t “criticism” at all. It’s self-serving and mean spirited and is critical. There’s nothing about love in that. Pastor Justin’s premise was…don’t let them in. Don’t listen to that.

There is a difference between criticism and someone who is merely expressing an opinion and it might be difficult to discern that at times. The other day, someone I care about and whose opinion I value very much sent me a private message. In it, she said my writing has changed. I have become more “evangelical” than she likes on a daily basis. My very first thought was “sting”. Immediately followed by “that’s ok. I still love you.”

Since then, lots of things have gone through my mind. Am I coming on too strong and driving people away? Have I crossed the line into “Crazy Christian Lady who can’t talk about anything but Jesus?” I wanted to apologize. Then I decided…I really can’t. I write what comes to me. I write from my heart. And I am always brutally honest about my feelings and what I share.

Some people lose touch with God when they lose their special person. They can’t understand how a loving God could make someone suffer with cancer. Or they prayed for healing and it didn’t come. Or, any number of other reasons. For me…my faith has deepened tremendously since Mr. Virgo died. And especially since I started dating Mr. FixIt. I have never had a relationship that was so “equally yoked”. I’ve never had a partner who came to church with me every Sunday, who holds my hand with his right hand and praises with his left. I’ve never shared late night conversations about God. That alone is enough for me to want to shout from the rooftops.

This is a dark time of year. I talk about what is on my heart. I try not to make every day “Preaching Sunday” but there are only so many ways I can tell you I knitted all afternoon and still make it interesting. And I am infinitely fascinated by the way God works in my life.

I am always open to loving criticism. I told my dear friend how much I appreciated her candor. I know my writing has changed. I’VE changed. I’ve grown in many, many ways in the last six years. And I truly hope you’ll hang around with me and keep reading. I’m still going to write what is on my heart, and if it’s Jesus or something he is teaching me, you can rest assured…I’m going to write about it. I’ll write about other stuff too, just to mix it up. But, I’m Jesus’ girl first and foremost…there’s no way I’m going to hide that. ❤️

“For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” ‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭2:10‬ ‭NIV‬‬

I Need That Joy...

Wed, 06 Feb 2019 02:30:12 -0600

“I Need That Joy…down in my heart!”

I love, love, love the way God works in my life! It’s like an elaborately woven tapestry with bright colors here and dark colors there…never seeing what’s developing in the picture till you get some perspective. That’s when you start to see how this thread that was pulled over here is causing that thread to move over there. And then you see…you really SEE. And you know beyond a shadow of a doubt…it is GOD!

Case in point. We were standing in the lobby Sunday waiting for the doors to open and head into church. I was talking with my step-daughter about my blog and how my spiritual walk began to blossom within it. I explained how the enemy really started attacking me when I opened up my heart and started praising God in my writing and adding scripture to my posts. I attended my very first Revival and was baptized in the Spirit which took things to a whole new level. Pastor Matt told us one night to take back our homes and our properties and to banish the enemy from the premises. The next morning, I got Grandma’s old bible from the buffet and walked around the perimeter of the yard, hands outstretched, shouting praises without shame. I informed the enemy he had no dominion over me or my house and I showed him the boundary. It’s one of my favorite stories and it was the first time I had shared it with my bonus family.

Soon, we went into the sanctuary and were seated. Pastor Justin gave a wonderful sermon about patience. At one point, he started getting animated and talked about banishing the enemy from our homes and properties. I sat back and smiled and thought, “Here it comes!” He went on to say, “Take your bibles and walk around the perimeter of your property and send the devil packing!” My step-daughter and I whipped around and looked at each other, mouths gaped open, and laughed out loud. I love it when that happens. And when you are attuned, it happens a lot. You just have to pay attention. I was so glad God showed them he was there!

I told you earlier this year new things were coming. I still can’t talk about the specifics yet, but I knew there were a couple of associations I had to sever before I could move forward into the new project. I’ve waffled, I have to admit. Because a “bird in the hand is worth two in the bush”, as my grandma used to say. I prayed about it and told God I put all my trust in him and I know he will open the new doors where he wants me to go. I hit “send” on the last e-mail and immediately, Spirit told me to turn on the Christian radio station I was listening to earlier in the day. I did, and the worship song “Joy” by King & Country came on. Now, I’ve never heard that song, but listen carefully to the lyrics and you will hear God saying, “Yes! Things were critical and you made a choice. Now…feel the JOY!”

Wow…these kinds of things really pump me up! My body was humming like I was plugged into an outlet. And, in all actuality, I was. I was getting recharged by the Holy Spirit. I couldn’t help but feel that “joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart!” More to come down the road as the journey continues. ❤️

youtu.be/lA7n7TwPD…

“Clap your hands, all peoples! Shout to God with loud songs of joy!”
Psalms 47:1 ESV

Happy Mind, Happy Life

Tue, 05 Feb 2019 02:30:06 -0600

“Making the little things count, because the little things add up to be the BIG thing!”

Yesterday was a really great day! First of all…the sun was shining and we had a high of 68 degrees here in West Virginia. A difference of over seventy degrees in three days…and Mr. FixIt has a sore throat. sigh I’m hitting him with Zinc and Vitamin C. And prayers!

I met a friend for coffee yesterday at the new Starbucks. Sue is a budding artist and she gifted me a watercolor of a little bluebird. She knows how much I love them. For Christmas, I gave her a pair of socks that I knitted and she wanted to give me something special. I’ve had it sitting near me all day and it’s so sweet.

The other day, when I learned Mr. FixIt’s family was going to join us at church, I made us each a notebook. It has three sections…a planner, a place for prayers and praises, and a section for sermon notes. I’ve always said I was going to take notes during the service and this was the perfect time to prepare.

Happy Mind, Happy Life…

My bonus granddaughter and I were talking about that just the other day. We were talking about the images we look at. You can never “unsee” something. And the things we choose to put in front of us for visual consumption changes us. It changes our brains. It changes how we see the world and how we see ourselves. We have to be ever watchful with what we choose to feed our minds because “we are what we eat.”

When I came in from sitting in the sun yesterday afternoon, I asked Alexa to play Contemporary Christian music. As I picked up my knitting, I let the uplifting music wash over me and fill me with the Joy of the Lord. My heart rose with the swell of the music…my skin still warm from the sun…my spirit still stirred from Sunday’s service. It’s good that we carry that image with us into the week. The image of God and the Word and Love and Fellowship and Goodness and Family. These are the things I choose as my Daily Bread. These are the things that I will fill myself with. ❤️

“Like newborn infants, long for the pure spiritual milk, that by it you may grow up into salvation—”
1 Peter 2:2 ESV

Moving Day for the Felines

Tue, 29 Jan 2019 02:30:46 -0600

“Boy Cat…a beautiful, long haired farm cat…moved to my cousin’s barn yesterday.”

I have been in a bit of a dilemma the last couple of months. We have had an inordinate amount of rain in West Virginia this year. We have a leaky stairwell with a very slow drain at the Ponderosa. So, when it rains…especially those long, soaking rains that last multiple days…the drain easily becomes overwhelmed and the basement floods. We have two sump pumps, but someone has to remain here to make sure they are operating correctly to keep the water level down. This is something we wanted to fix last summer, but Mr. FixIt really couldn’t use a jackhammer that soon after the reconstruction surgery he had on his hand last winter. It has to wait till this coming summer and that means we are tied here.

Boy Cat and Kitty Boy, the two farm cats couldn’t come live at the Ponderosa. We live on a very busy highway and they know nothing about busy roads. I was too afraid they would be hit and killed here. I left them at the farm and traded off with my cousin and his wife, taking turns feeding them. The plan was to stay at the farm for long stretches which would give my cousin a break from feeding, but the weather hasn’t been cooperating and being newlyweds…we like to be together. As the weather has deteriorated into icy winter storms, my trips have become fewer and farther between.

Last summer, Charlotte offered to take the cats to her farm, but then she got a new rabbit and we were afraid the kitties would hurt her bunny. When another bunny arrived, it was a definite now, as nature would have it, the bunnies died…one after the other. First, to a predator. The second to old age. The other day, Charlotte called and renewed her offer to take Boy Cat and Kitty Boy down the road to be the resident barn cats. I was so grateful because the barn has lots of hay to burrow down in, lots of mice to catch, and someone to love on them every day. AND…I can go visit anytime I want!

I’ve grown to love these two boys, and this just seemed like the most loving and responsible thing to do. They have been neutered so they aren’t going to produce a bunch of new feral kitties. Charlotte really has a way with them. Boy Cat will rub on my legs but has never let me pick him up. Charlotte can pick him up and love on him whenever she is there. Kitty Boy is still too skittish, but I’ll bet she will have him in her lap one of these days. I just bought a huge bag of cat food and 80 cans of soft food so I’ll deliver that the next time I’m over there. I will also give them the feral cat boxes, the electric heated pads for inside, the cat carriers, as well as the heated water dish. These barn kitties are royals…I’m so happy they have someone to love on them! ❤️

“The righteous care for the needs of their animals, but the kindest acts of the wicked are cruel.”
Proverbs 12:10 NIV

Some Updates on the Kids!

Mon, 28 Jan 2019 02:30:05 -0600

“Baby Gwendolyn sitting up with her braces on her legs. Making progress!”

Remember sweet baby Gwendolyn who we have been praying for since last summer? Look at our big girl…sitting up in her high chair with her braces on her little legs. She still is having issues with her hands but she is slowly learning to grasp things. Her lower jaw is receded and she cannot eat yet so she has a stomach tube tube for feeding. But she is bright as a new copper penny and as sweet as a summer rain! What a blessing she is to all who love her!

“Little Khloe is battling leukemia and just lost her hair. She celebrated by braving bare in a fashion show! She’s a rock star!”

Then, there’s little Khloe. Her great grandma went to high school with us. Khloe found out she had leukemia last summer. Last weekend, her family threw an “It’s Just Hair” party where she and many members of her family shaved their heads in support. Khloe lost almost all of her hair and she was tired of it just coming out in chunks so she just wanted it all off. She has a bunch of really cute wigs, but yesterday she was in a fashion show for Justice girls wear and boldly bare with a cute glittery unicorn headband. This brave little girl rocks!!!

Here are two precious little girls, going through some pretty big struggles. And their brave families backing them up. It makes any little problem I may think I have pale in comparison. They are living, breathing examples of prayers being answered. I love when Jesus shows us His works.

I’ve been praying for my bonus family and last night, the grands with their significant others went to church with me! What a joy that was! And, they want to come next week with my husband and me. So, it was a really, really wonderful weekend. I hope you have a blessed Monday, y’all!

Have a wonderful Monday, everyone! ❤️

“Dear friend, I pray that you may enjoy good health and that all may go well with you, even as your soul is getting along well.”
3 John 1:2 NIV

Happy Feet

Sat, 26 Jan 2019 02:30:46 -0600

“I love my new Happy Camper Slippers!”

My new slippers arrived yesterday! Yes…I had to have them. They are so cute and comfy. And they make me smile!

I’ve had an interesting week ministering to my family, loving my kids through life issues, being a mentor to the grandchildren. Missing the Colorado family. Sharing the Gospel. And the love. It’s been a challenge AND it’s been incredibly rewarding. And, I’m totally whupped tonight as I write this.

I have had a lot on my mind this week and I haven’t slept well. So, Thursday night I did like they suggested in Goliath Will Fall. When I laid down in bed, I told God I had worked on this stuff long enough. I said, “Here, I’m giving this to you to work on tonight. I’m going to sleep.” And I did. I mean…it really worked! I slept ten hours straight. I haven’t done that in ages but I’m going to try it again. I’ll let you know how it works.

I love how my posts have been stirring people to write to me with their own stories of faith and family. I love how someone writes of a painful situation they are going through and soon, there are others who have chimed in to support them. It warms my heart that God trusts me with this ministry…to my family, to my friends, to my readers. I am grateful for all of you. And for a God that trusts someone like me with such a wonderful gift. ❤️

“But I do not account my life of any value nor as precious to myself, if only I may finish my course and the ministry that I received from the Lord Jesus, to testify to the gospel of the grace of God.”
Acts 20:24 ESV

Thoughts on Conflict & Fear

Fri, 25 Jan 2019 02:30:09 -0600

“Look for the gold in people. There’s enough dirt in the world.”

The other day, we touched on conflicts and how to resolve them peacefully. We all have seen our fair share of conflict in our lives and had dealt with it in the best way we knew how with the knowledge we had at the time. Sometimes it’s worked out ok…sometimes not. The good thing is, we can always continue to learn and grow and get better at the sticking points in life.

When you are dealing with marriage, here is the single most important thing I have learned. When you find yourself frustrated with your spouse…and you WILL at some point…mind your tongue when you are talking about him with others. If all you do is spout negative things, it won’t be long till that is all you will ever see in him/her. It doesn’t take long to go from speaking these things to outsiders to berating your spouse with all the things they do that tick you off. I can guarantee you…if you feed that beast, it’s all you’ll get back.

I learned with Mr. Virgo…once I started to notice something he did that bugged me, that was a sign I wasn’t praying for him enough. Same for Mr. FixIt. We all need grace. It’s a wonderful habit to practice with your spouse or other family members.

I had Bible study last night. We talked a little bit after last week’s study about the book “Goliath Must Fall” by Louie Giglio. Last night’s “giant” was FEAR. The first question we were asked was…”How well do you sleep?” Wow. Sometimes really well. Those are the times when things are going well and I really don’t have much to worry about. Other times, I lie awake all night long, staring at the ceiling, working something over and over, turning it this way and that, puzzling over how to…what? Fix it. Manipulate it. Control it. I rehearse conversations ahead of time with not only my dialogue, but that of the other’s as well. As if I have some sort of control over how another person thinks, acts, or responds.

Sometimes I lie there and worry about an event that isn’t going to happen for eight months. “Will I have the extra weight off before the wedding? What will I wear? What happens if it’s really hot. I don’t do well in heat.” All I have accomplished in that scenario is set myself up for failure and robbed myself of sleep and God’s joy.

Last night’s lesson was this…when you lay down to sleep and the things to worry about start lining up…just hand them over to God and go to sleep. He loves you no matter what. He’s bigger than all of the giants. Trust him to work on your problems while you’re asleep. Then you awaken refreshed and can live in God’s Glory.

There is a fine line between anger and fear. Giving your conflicts to God, praying for others, letting go of your fears…all elements that can help lead to a peaceful night’s sleep. ❤️

“Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”
Ephesians 4:31-32 ESV

Precious Memories

Thu, 24 Jan 2019 02:30:44 -0600

“My precious mother…gone fifteen years now. I miss her so much.”

Fifteen years ago today, my precious mom left us unexpectedly. She had been ill for only five days, refusing to go to the hospital as she had no one to watch my brother. He has cerebral palsy and always had lived at home with her. She was fiercely protective of him. She died of multiple pulmonary emboli…blood clots in the lungs. If she would have had proper medical care, I believe she would have lived longer. Then again, perhaps it was her time to go. Either way, as those of you know who have lost your mother, it is a dreadfully difficult thing to go through.

I posted some pictures on my Instagram account (@GriefMaven) yesterday and the setting is such that they also posted here. I entered them in Apple’s photo contest for pictures shot with an iPhone. One of the pictures is of my grandma’s house, which was also my mom’s house growing up. I believe she was a teenager when they moved there. Before that, they lived in the old home place back on the hill.

Mom and her siblings walked down off that hill every day and from the time they went to high school, rode the bus twenty-eight miles each way, then walked back up the hill when they got home. It was a hardscrabble life for Mom and her family as they lived off the land…six kids, Grandma and Pop-Pop, an old milk cow and a horse to plow. Pop-Pop worked in the shop down the road…welding, fixing things, delivering pop, working on trucks for the oil fields.

We went to the farm yesterday. I sat quietly in the living room, listening to the old house speak to me in a language I have heard since my earliest days. My eyes ran over the old linoleum on the floor, its pattern looking like carpet, faded and worn through in places. The sheers on the windows let the pale light from late afternoon highlight the dust motes in the air. The familiar smell of wood and old cotton and gas stove comforting me as I remembered so many days shared with her there.

My friend Sharon, who is also a newly discovered distant cousin, saw the picture of Grandma’s house here yesterday and said it brought tears to her eyes. She said it made her think of an oldtimey tune her mother used to sing as she did her household chores. She posted a link, but I’m going to share it here as well. In honor of Wanda Belle…my mom, my friend, my champion. I loved her so…I miss her still.

Precious Memories…how they linger…

❤️

youtu.be/JUiqncJE_…

“"Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all."”
Proverbs 31:29 ESV

That Flash of Red

Wed, 23 Jan 2019 02:30:53 -0600

“Mr. & Mrs. Cardinal in the forsythia bush.”

Cardinals don’t migrate, so we have an abundance of them here in West Virginia. It is our state bird, along with that of six other states. I grew up calling them “redbirds”. They were my grandma’s favorites and she took such delight when she saw a flash of crimson darting in and out of the shrubs out on the farm.

This picture shows a pair of cardinals. The male of course is flashy and bright with a black mask across his face. The female is a dusty, rusty reddish grey. They both have a peaked crown of feathers on top of their heads. They had a distinct chirp you cannot miss. This pair is nesting in the forsythia bush out by the corner of the house. Mr. FixIt pruned them way back just before the wedding when he cleaned up the property.

I just love these birds. We have talked about them here a lot. We have discussed whether they signal a visit from a loved one who has passed. I like to think, since Grandma loved them so much, it is her flying by to say hello, but the truth of the matter is, you see them here year-round.

It finally warmed up a bit yesterday but we still worked inside. The dry, winter air in the house has caused the glue to dry out in the joints of some of our bigger pieces of furniture so Mr. FixIt took a support rail off and used wood glue before screwing the piece securely back together. I knitted and made a big pot of Beef Stroganoff for dinner. It was a pretty laid-back day and we really enjoyed it. ❤️

“While the earth remains, seedtime and harvest, cold and heat, summer and winter, day and night, shall not cease."”
Genesis 8:22 ESV

The Arctic Blast

Mon, 21 Jan 2019 02:30:40 -0600

“Full Moon on the New Fallen Snow, West Virginia”

This is the time of year when we just get blasted with frigid air from the north. We’ve been fortunate (knock on wood) to have escaped the really bad snowstorms so far this year. They seem to all sweep north of us. And that’s were they can stay for all I care. Those of you who have been following this blog since it’s inception know I lived in Colorado for forty years. I’m just WAY over long, cold, snowy winters.

I can’t help reminiscing about those severe snow storms I experienced over the four decades I lived in the Rockies. A few stand out…the Christmas Eve Blizzard of 1982…the year we moved from the log house in the country to the big house in town, Christmas 1990…the winter we spent in Pagosa Springs when it snowed 7’, and the really bad winter of 2013-14, the year Mr. Virgo died. At least here in West Virginia, things are starting to warm up and there are signs of spring in March. March and April are usually Colorado’s snowiest months.

We awoke yesterday to very icy conditions…not a lot of snow, but ice here is quite the deterrent for me. We decided to stay home and that makes two weeks in a row that we didn’t make it to church. We don’t like that one bit. I was really happy they played the video of the service on the church’s YouTube channel so I still got to see it. I spent the entire day yesterday snuggled up under my fur blanket, knitting dishcloths and catching up with friends and family on Facebook. Sometimes you have to have a good self care day.

I went out last night to capture the full moon on the new-fallen snow and absolutely loved the picture. I had every intention of going out to see the lunar eclipse but at 10:00 the wind chill was already -3 so I thought better of it. I’ve seen lunar eclipses before…they look the same in January as they do in the summer. Stay warm wherever you are! ❤️

“Do you not know that you are God's temple and that God's Spirit dwells in you? If anyone destroys God's temple, God will destroy him. For God's temple is holy, and you are that temple.”
1 Corinthians 3:16-17 ESV

The Poet - From Darkness into Light

Sun, 20 Jan 2019 02:30:58 -0600

“Think before you speak. Read before you think.”

"maybe death isn’t darkness, after all, but so much light wrapping itself around us — as soft as feathers"
~ Mary Oliver

How I let a treasure like Mary Oliver slip through my fingers, I’ll never know. It’s an excellent example of realizing how very much I do not know. The internet has been filled with loving tributes to this gentle woman with the expansive heart…her pen trimming away the excesses of flowery verse and going straight for the pit of your stomach. Her words are like magic…painting pictures of love and kindness and tenderness. Nature was her cathedral. Poetry was her torch.

Oliver loved Whitman and Emerson, Shelley and Keats. Growing up in a dysfunctional home in Ohio, she ultimately settled in the wilds of New England, wandering through her woods and harbor…taking notes and penning phrases along the way. She has been compared to Emily Dickinson. Her poetry is filled with both darkness and joyous light. Her life partner, Molly Malone Cook, was her constant companion for over forty years, as well as her literary agent. After Molly’s death in 2005, Oliver continued on in Provincetown, Massachusetts until finally relocating to Florida. She rarely gave interviews because she valued her personal privacy and wished for her work to speak for itself. Mary Jane Oliver passed away on January 17, 2019 of lymphoma. And the world lost a valuable treasure.

In researching Oliver’s work, I became introspective. How often do we think, once we have arrived at “a certain age”, that we somehow have attained a level of knowledge that we can, at the very least, term “well rounded”? I know a little bit about a lot of stuff, but there is SO much out there I haven’t a clue about. We cannot possibly learn everything, but how sad that I didn’t know Mary Oliver and her brilliant poetry during times in my life it might have soothed my heart. How joyful that I still have the opportunities to continue learning and growing.

We are but a sum of our life’s experiences, are we not? The other night, I had a troubling dream. A recurring dream about a hopeless situation which will never be resolved nor totally understood. Not in this lifetime anyway. And whenever I have this dream, I am left feeling an ache in my heart…bereft over a loss I had little control over. It leaves me out of sorts for days and colors my every interaction, thus leaving the stains of old hurts smeared onto others who have no knowledge of my pain. It’s unfair and senseless. As I drove to town yesterday, I had a conversation with God. I asked Him to please step in and be an intermediary…to block this dream, and even the thoughts of the events that precipitate it. To take away the memories that come back and haunt me year after year. As I pleaded with God, I literally felt the old, familiar ache physically leave my heart. A weight was lifted and the cloud in my mind dissipated. I immediately thanked Him. Then…I let it go.

Poetry. Prose. Words. Prayers. God. They have such power to release you from the bondage of the past…if you let them. If you feel them and taste them and speak them. They can breathe life back into the sore places of your soul. ❤️

“If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.”
1 Corinthians 13:1-3 ESV

Finding the Right Tools

Fri, 18 Jan 2019 02:30:23 -0600

“Having the right tool leads to success.”

Good communication skills have not always been my strongest suit. For years, I was afraid to speak up for fear of judgement and rocking the boat. That changed with Mr. Virgo and I’ve honed the skill with Mr. FixIt. Yesterday I told you he was being a little stingy with his power tools. So, that night, instead of stewing over it, I just pointed out that I like power tools, too. He smiled and said he just wasn’t used to women who know how to do things like that. I understand that. Not all women can, or even want to, operate power tools.

Yesterday, we needed to build another brace at the other end of the bathroom floor. That is where you attach two short pieces of 2x4 to a long piece in an “H” fashion and fasten it between the floor joists to support the new floor above. This end of the floor is located directly over the washer and dryer. It’s an awkward position to stand on a ladder and it was impossible for Mr. FixIt to get up in there, so I climbed up on the washer and dryer and fastened the new boards in with three inch wood screws.

I don’t know if you have ever held a drill at an awkward angle, over your head, and tried to hold enough pressure to keep the bit from slipping in the head of the screw, but I assure you it’s not easy. The first two screws stripped immediately. So I did what I always do…I talked to Jesus. I asked him to help me get this job done and the screws went in easily as I kept saying “Thank you, thank you, thank you.” When it got really difficult, Mr. FixIt just reached up and held the end of the drill and it worked like butter.

When you face the tough things in life, you need the right tools for the job. We had the right wood screws. We had the right drill and bit and a fully charged battery. We had proper lighting and ladders. We had mutual support and trust. And we had Jesus standing in between us. We can call on Him to help us with the most mundane of tasks. My shoulders relaxed and I put all my focus and force on the task at hand and was successful. The right tools for the job…it’s what creates success. ❤️

“Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.”
Hebrews 4:16 ESV

Building a Better Bath

Thu, 17 Jan 2019 02:30:31 -0600

“Master Bath seems to be a bit of a misnomer when it comes to this tiny closet of a room.”

For those of you who have been following me for some time, you may remember when I helped a friend redo her bathroom. In that case, the man who she had arranged to do the work got as far as the demo and skipped out because it was “too cold outside to come over”. She called me desperate and asked if I could help. I have considerable experience after having remodeled my mom’s house before I sold it, so I jumped at the chance. I love doing fix-it kinda stuff.

That bathroom turned out really great, if I do say so myself. Between the two of us, we had that thing knocked out in less than a month and it was beautiful when it was done. When I moved into Mr. FixIt’s house, the bathroom off the master bedroom was gutted. It has taken us a bit of time to get to the point of tackling this particular job because outdoor stuff kept taking precedence. And, now I know how Mr. FixIt felt the first time we went camping together. I wouldn’t let him do anything with the hooking up and unhooking of the camper. I did the driving. He just came along for the ride. Such is my participation in this home improvement project.

My job appears to be that of “hold this here.” Now, don’t get me wrong…I love a man that is handy with power tools. AND I love to work with power tools, too. Now I know what he felt like when I told him to just sit over there and look pretty. It’s ok. I don’t really mind. I love helping him in any way I can. I try really hard not to tell him what to do when he doesn’t do something the way I would do it. I’ve learned to excuse myself when I’m getting too bossy and go work on something else till he needs me again. I’m learning how to do new things like building in support structures between floor joists where the shower is going. Once you have learned to be independent and do things for yourself, especially when you love building things, it’s not easy to back off and let someone else have the reins. Learning to be a couple again…give and take…relinquishing control…almost feels like new skills.

We are a good team, Mr. FixIt and me. Thank goodness he has infinite patience! ❤️

“May the God of endurance and encouragement grant you to live in such harmony with one another, in accord with Christ Jesus, that together you may with one voice glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.”
Romans 15:5-6 ESV

Little Vintage Campers

Wed, 16 Jan 2019 02:30:55 -0600

“Little vintage campers…how many people were IN this thing?”

Yesterday, Mr. FixIt and I were having breakfast when he picked up his phone to show me something. He watches Facebook Marketplace closely because, you know, you never know when you might need one more thing, right? Anyway, there was an ad in there for a 1969 Shasta Compact camper. Swoon! Anyone who knows anything about campers knows Shasta is kind of a status symbol for campers. This particular one was being converted into a food trailer, but it’s too small for the job so the people are trying to unload it. It’s gutted already, no leaks, towable, new tires, and only $500. Not bad.

We contacted the gal and as one might imagine, she already has people coming to look at it, so the chance of me even getting to see it are pretty slim. And, like I need another project! Anyway, if I get to see it, I’ll take pics and show you.

Thinking about tiny little campers got me to looking at vintage camping art and photos. Look at this tiny little camper. Now, look at how many people there are camping. Wow! It’s like one of those clown cars where clowns keep coming out one after another! Cars were a lot heavier and more powerful back then so you would see the family car pulling a really big trailer. Do you remember the movie Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz made called The Long, Long, Long Trailer? It was huge but they pulled it with a convertible!

I never camped as a kid, but I remember going over to a friend’s house and they had a camper. Us kids were allowed to go in it and use it like a playhouse. I remember being absolutely mesmerized by it and I wanted one in the worst way. I was always married to non-campers till Mr. FixIt came along. Now we have four campers between us and I am preparing to convert an old minivan into a mini campervan. Oh yeah…I REALLY need another camper! ?‍♀️

❤️

“For which of you, desiring to build a tower, does not first sit down and count the cost, whether he has enough to complete it? Otherwise, when he has laid a foundation and is not able to finish, all who see it begin to mock him, saying, 'This man began to build and was not able to finish.'”
Luke 14:28-30 ESV

The Difference Between “With” and “Without”

Tue, 15 Jan 2019 02:30:47 -0600

“The Difference Between With and Without”

I rarely write a post about a specific scripture. I usually write something then find the scripture that best illustrates my thinking. It makes me search more. It makes me read more and study the Word more. It keeps me engaged. This post is different. I was chatting with Danielle the night I was asking her questions about her addiction and overdose. When I told her how happy I was she was getting her life together at 24, I shared my story and told her I felt robbed of nearly a decade of my life. She shared a scripture with me and I made note of it. I have meditated on it for over a week and now I’m ready to share it.

I have always believed in God so therefore, I have never lived a day without Him. I will have to say though…Jesus didn’t live in MY house until 2004. By that time, I had already gone through two broken marriages. I had two beautiful daughters. And one broken mind.

I didn’t realize how desolate my life had become. I just knew I was shriveling up and dying on the vine. I became broken in my second marriage and, for whatever reason, we couldn’t seem to end it. We became more and more distant and I self-medicated in order to cope. Unfortunately, I was seeing a psychiatrist who did more harm than good and I couldn’t seem to end that either.

I knew what I needed. I needed Jesus. But I was married to a Jewish doctor. I took my little girl to Hebrew School every week. I organized all the Jewish celebrations in our small town. I had formally converted to Judaism. I had actually stood before a Beth Din…the Jewish tribunal court…and renounced Jesus as my personal Lord and Savior.

“Jesus would NEVER want me now.” I thought to myself.

Toward the end of that marriage, I laid in bed every night and talked to God. I told him, if anything happened to my husband, I would become a Christian. I consoled myself with thoughts of singing in church…of praying…of reading my Bible. But I just couldn’t do that AND be married to the Jewish doctor. He would leave me.

Little did I know he’d been thinking of leaving for at least five years before he told me. I was hurt. But I was also angry. If we could have both been brave and honest, we could have avoided the pain of the last five to seven years and gotten on with our lives. It would have had far less of an impact on my children…especially Daughter #2 who was just nine years old when I overdosed and we subsequently ended our marriage.

I felt robbed. Robbed of time. Robbed of happiness. Robbed of my marriage. And robbed of the Joy of having Jesus in my life…although I couldn’t articulate it as such at the time. When Danielle quoted Joel 2:25, my jaw dropped. It spoke of Redemption. It spoke of Replenishment. It spoke of Fulfillment. And the thing that spoke most to my heart was…the end of shame.

I was raised by a father who used shame as his preferred tool of control. Blame and shame were my lifelong companions, and renouncing Jesus had become the number one shame of my life. Before I even realized I needed Him, I was yearning for His unconditional love. Thankfully, I was saved and forgiven and made new. I didn’t have to wait for anything…I just needed to get out of my own way.

I loved the fact that as I ministered to Danielle, she ministered to me and told me God would repay me for the years the locusts ate. And He has…oh, my goodness. He has repayed me many, many times over. Far more than I ever deserved. As the calendar turned to another year, I could feel a shift in my relationship with God. No longer a “baby Christian”, I feel I have moved from an observer AT church to BEING the church. It’s a change in perspective and feels like a new level of maturity. It’s hard to describe, but I feel it and I believe it to be real. This is one of the wonders of walking with Christ. I’ve left the arid, desolate landscape of “without” and I’m walking in the lush, verdant landscape of “with”. ❤️

“I will restore to you the years that the swarming locust has eaten, the hopper, the destroyer, and the cutter, my great army, which I sent among you. "You shall eat in plenty and be satisfied, and praise the name of the Lord your God, who has dealt wondrously with you. And my people shall never again be put to shame. You shall know that I am in the midst of Israel, and that I am the Lord your God and there is none else. And my people shall never again be put to shame.”
Joel 2:25-27 ESV

The Kitchen Window

Sun, 13 Jan 2019 02:30:17 -0600

“The view out my kitchen window at the Ponderosa allows me to watch the birds at the feeder.”

When I was growing up, I spent as much time out at my grandma’s farm as I possibly could. I never minded washing dishes at Grandma’s because there was a big window over the kitchen sink. I’ve moved many times over the years and was always so pleased when the kitchen had a window over the sink. It didn’t really matter the view…as long as I could see out and open it for some fresh air, I was a happy camper.

I was thrilled when I found out Mr. FixIt’s house has a window I can gaze out as I wash the dishes. He keeps a bird feeder full for me so I can watch the birds fly in and out of the surrounding trees and brush to light just beyond where I stand. Yesterday, there were several cardinals. There’s nothing prettier than the flash of a redbird swooping in and landing just in front of me. Their brilliant scarlet plumage against the new fallen snow is breathtaking. They say a cardinal is a sign a loved one is visiting from heaven. If that is true, our house was a busy place yesterday. There were also chickadees, tufted titmice, a pair of mourning doves, and the occasional downy woodpecker added to the mix.

In the late summer, early fall, the deer gather under that tree you see out there in the yard and eat the fallen crabapples. In the late spring, Mr. FixIt puts up the hummingbird feeder and fills it for me. He loves the birds as much as I do.

We didn’t get the snow that was predicted…as least not by the time of this writing last night. Mr. FixIt has half the bathroom subfloor put down in the master bath. He came in from checking the mail and handed me a package…a canvas print of Daughter #1 and her family. Now I need to plan a family portrait wall!

If it’s slick this morning, we’ll stay home and watch church on TV. I must say, it was very nice to not leave the house at all. It was a beautiful day filled with knitting and love. It doesn’t get much better than that! ❤️

“I know every bird in the mountains, and the insects in the fields are mine.”
Psalm 50:11 NIV

The Dark Corners

Sat, 12 Jan 2019 02:30:03 -0600

“We are but a wisp of smoke when we are gone…shadowy memories that cling to us like curls of smoke.”

I had a doctor’s appointment yesterday. Nothing major…just a follow up on something we’re keeping an eye on. Aside from the boring green floral upholstery on the chairs, there were some unmemorable pieces of what would pass for art. You can go in any medical office in America and see the same room. Rather than pick up germy, outdated magazines, I pulled my knitting out of my bag to get a few rows in before my name was called.

As I stitched, my mind was drawn to the television hanging in the corner of the room in front of me. Our local hospital is affiliated with WVU Medical Center and the TV plays an endless loop of PR stories…physicians and patient profiles that demonstrate the different specialties and what they can achieve.

As I knit two, perl two, something caught my attention. A woman was on the screen talking about her husband. He had arrived home early from work and decided to take the dog and go for a run. She continued to shop on the computer when he returned in moments saying he didn’t feel well. Her nurse mode kicked in and she realized he didn’t look well. She checked his pulse and to her horror, realized he was having a heart attack. She got him down on the floor and implored him to stay awake. He said he was trying and with that, lost consciousness. She began CPR while trying to dial 911, shouting to the phone on the floor to send an ambulance right away.

It was my story all over again.

I found myself gripping the knitting needles, willing the man to breathe, to wake up, to not leave his wife alone to clean up the mess of death…to stay a little longer so she wouldn’t feel what I felt. While I was relieved to hear he made it, there was that familiar pang of “Why me? My MY man?”

Tears stung my eyes…to my surprise.

I don’t let myself go there very often anymore. It’s like a photo album and I know what the pictures inside look like, but I don’t necessarily need to get it down and view it very often. It’s just easier on me if I don’t go there.

And, besides…I’m married again. Aren’t I not supposed to grieve another when I have this wonderful man in my life now? I don’t grieve like I once did. That is a GOOD thing. That is the way it should be. But just know this: There will be times, there will be moments, there will be events that will trigger you and, no matter how happy you are and your life is vastly improved, you’ll still “go there”. This is normal and I want you to know that. I want you to be gentle with yourself. Don’t feel guilty. Feel your feels cause they’re as real as real can be. You never stop loving…you start loving more. And gradually, you begin hurting a little less, and a little less, and a little less till you put the photo album up on the shelf. ❤️

“Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his faithful servants.”
Psalm 116:15 NIV

It’s a Winter Tree, Ok?

Fri, 11 Jan 2019 02:30:14 -0600

“My Winter Tree reflecting in the window as the snow falls outside.”

I went to small group last night and the leader apologized as we walked into the family room. The tree was still up.

“It’s a Winter Tree. I like it.”

You don’t have to sell me, sister! I love my tree and I’m not planning to take it down any time soon. Kathy and one of her granddaughters took all the colored ornaments off her tree and put up all white ornaments. Yeah. No….I’m not that picky. As long as it has all white lights and it’s pretty, that puppy is staying right where it is…no apologies needed.

I was the first to arrive at Bible study. A new gal, Michelle, joined us and arrived just after me. We sat near each other and chatted as I knitted, cozy under a comfy throw in front of the fire. When I told Michelle about the farm and where it was, she said she had family from out that way. I asked what the last name was and she rattled off my grandparents’ last name! Two questions later and I knew exactly where she fit in the family. What a treat to get caught up with that bunch. They were related through one of my Pop-Pop’s brothers.

I’d say it is a small world, but it’s the hills of West Virginia. If we aren’t related to you, hang on a little bit. There’s still single folks gettin’ married. This is what I always missed…what I always searched for in Colorado. I can’t tell you how many times I actually followed people with WV license plates just to hear their accents and see if I knew them. Oh, I missed home every day that I lived out west.

When we stay at Mr. FixIt’s house, we are in the county between the one I grew up in and the one where grandma’s farm is located. I don’t know very many people here. Mr. FixIt, however, has lived in his house since 1979. He knows EV-RY-ONE! Seriously. He’ll run into town for a quick errand and come back three hours later because he ran into five people he hadn’t seen in a coon’s age. I can’t get frustrated about it either because it’s the life I’ve always wanted.

It was a good day. ❤️

“And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.”
Hebrews 10:24-25 NIV

Johnny & Jaxx...A Story of Devotion

Thu, 10 Jan 2019 02:30:03 -0600

“Rosie (L), Jaxx (C), and Johnny Boy (R) celebrate Johnny’s 4th Gotcha Day!”

We talk a lot here about death and dying, loss and grief. We talk about losing our parents…aunts…uncles…cousins, our siblings, our children, our friends, and our spouses. We don’t talk a whole lot here about when we lose our beloved fur-babies…those wonderful fur-covered angels that grace us with their presence for a few short years, only to be yanked away far, far too soon.

Losing our beloved pets affects most of us the same way as losing a human member of the family. Our hearts break. We grieve. We are lost. We get the same brain fog. The same yearning. If you are an animal lover and have ever been fortunate enough to share your life with a companion animal, then you know what I am saying is true.

“Johnny Boy arrived so sick with Parvovirus we didn’t think he would live.”

My first dog as an adult was an Aussie/Blue Heeler mix named Boofer. She was brilliant. The only dog I truly did not have to train. I just talked to her and she knew exactly what I wanted from her. And she would do her level best to please me. She had to be put down at the young age of seven after a diagnosis of a pituitary tumor. We managed her symptoms with medication as long as we could but when she went blind, it was time to set her free.

Animal owners know their time with their fur-babies is limited. Boofer was gone too soon. Old Mama Kitty was at least 23-24 years old. Sidney was 14…a big, goofy black lab who owned my heart during a really dark period of my life. Mr. Virgo showed up with a 10-year-old Yorkie/Maltese mix named Cricket who lived to be seventeen. She died just three months before Mr. Virgo did. That was my last dog. I just didn’t have it in me to do it again and my lifestyle isn’t conducive to pet ownership.

“Johnny Boy is absolutely CRAZY over kittens! He has to have one…always!”

My friend Aimee is the Grande Dame of animal rescues. If it moves and squeaks, oinks, meows, moos, neighs, or barks…Aimee has to bring it home. Her husband rolls his eyes when another goat or chicken or rabbit or puppy makes an appearance at their West Virginia homestead. It’s all a show…he adores Aimee and if she needs to rescue another dog, she rescues another dog. As she says…she married well.

Four years ago, Aimee fostered little Johnny Boy…a mastiff-boxer mix who was dreadfully thin. They soon found he was also dreadfully sick. Johnny nearly died….several times…of parvovirus and parasites and any number of problems. They went to every length to save this little guy’s life. When he got through the initial illness, Johnny Boy started having trouble walking. His joints became swollen and painful. They finally discovered he had a very rare disease of the epiphyseal joints in his legs. After a trip to the State Veterinary School in Columbus, a treatment was finally found and Johnny boy began to thrive and grow.

Then, just before the holidays, Aimee found hundreds of little bumps under Johnny’s skin. Again, Johnny Boy does nothing halfway and it took quite some doing to get a diagnosis. When they did, it was not good. It was a rare cancer and there is nothing they can do for him. So, Aimee decided Johnny Boy’s end of life would include the very best days ever.

“Johnny & Jaxx…BFF’s Forever!”

A few months ago, Johnny’s BFF…Jaxx…moved to Florida with his human person. And Johnny was devastated. When they found out Johnny Boy doesn’t have a long time to live, Jaxx’s owner drove him from Florida and left him in Aimee’s care for as long as Johnny needs him. Johnny and Jaxx are insanely bonded. I mean…they FaceTime each other. Seriously!

The other night, Aimee threw Johnny Boy a four year “Gotcha Party” to celebrate and Johnny, Jaxx, and Rosie donned their party hats and sat in the little chairs around the table. They ate scrambled eggs for supper and had Pupcake for dessert. I loved watching the video!

Aimee posted a video yesterday that shows Johnny having a little trouble breathing. His type of tumor releases histamines and they make his nasal passages swell which in turn makes it difficult to breathe. She knows this is the beginning of the end. And, trust me, she will never let Johnny Boy suffer. When it is his time, she will let him go peacefully. In the meantime, she suffers the anticipatory grief knowing Johnny’s time on earth is short. Yet, she shares him with us…and with Jaxx. I SO love this crazy mutt who came in and stole all our hearts and showed us what loving a rescue is all about. He truly is made of love and sunshine. ❤️

“The righteous care for the needs of their animals, but the kindest acts of the wicked are cruel.”
Proverbs 12:10 NIV

Into the Light

Wed, 09 Jan 2019 02:30:10 -0600

“For He called you out of the darkness into his wonderful light.” 1 Peter 2:9

I’ve kind of had a theme going here the last few days given the time of year it is. I still sometimes sit in awe when I look back to where I was nearly twenty years ago. This is how we know how far we’ve come…by looking back in wonder. I struggled so long with a spirit of depression. When the veil lifted and I walked back into the light, it was surreal. Supernatural. Which is exactly what it was, this lifting.

I am always consciously monitoring my mental state in the winter. I never, ever want to go back to that dark place again, so I carefully check myself often. Am I keeping up with personal hygiene? It’s one of the first things to slip. Am I sleeping too much? Not enough? How’s my temper? I get cranky when I get blue. Am I comforting myself with food? Am I eating out of boredom? Am I getting out and doing fun things and engaging with people? These are all problem areas and can signal depression.

We had the fourth day in a row of warmth and sunshine yesterday. As a matter of fact, it was 64 late yesterday afternoon. The sun peeked in and out all day. It was glorious. I went out to visit TOW-Wanda. I plugged her in to charge up the batteries. She needs a good cleaning. I had company in there during the wedding and I never really cleaned much after that. One thing that really lifts my mood in the winter is to spend a couple of days in the camper, so I’m getting her fixed up.

Being prepared for the grey days of winter can go a long way in warding off the blues. Keeping healthy foods in the house and limiting sweet snacks helps you make good choices when you want to cozy in with a bag of chips or a plate of brownies. Chilled, fresh oranges are sweet and juicy this time of year. If you really want a salty snack, the tiny bags of popcorn can hit the spot without overloading calories. I don’t want to count calories. I just want to remain mindful of what’s going in. And try to move more.

Cleaning out a closet or that one junk room you’ve been ignoring can lift your mood and give you a sense of accomplishment. Or, starting a new project. We just started working on the master bathroom this week. It will be fun to see that take shape. Whatever it takes to keep you from hibernating and falling into a deep, blue funk is worth the effort to put towards keeping in the light. ❤️

“The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.””
Deuteronomy 31:8 NIV

Thwarting a Spiritual Attack

Sat, 05 Jan 2019 02:30:25 -0600

“Man says…show me and I’ll trust you. God says…trust me and I’ll show you.” Psalm 126:6

So, I was minding my own business, tucked under my blanket, happily knitting when I got a text . My dear friends Janine and Gail and I have a chat room where we visit just about every day. Janine was traveling through and was stopping at Gail’s to spend the night. I was three hours away but I wasn’t going to miss out on seeing my good friends. Impromptu road trip!

I got here just after dark. Janine had her friend Diane with her and I was thrilled to meet her. Another friend, Jan, came to join us and we just had a grand time. Diane is a devout Christian and is a PR person. Jan is a retired pastor. You can imagine our entire evening was talking about our stories and how God has worked in our lives.

I was standing in the kitchen giving Diane my testimony about finding Jesus when I started feeling ill. It worsened over the hour and I headed upstairs with a bucket, just in case. Everyone had gone to bed so when I came to Janine’s door I tapped.

“Janine?”

“Yes, dear.” She opened the door wide. Her smile quickly faded when she saw me. “Ginny? What’s wrong?” She came into the hall and touched my arm.

“Janine, I’m being spiritually attacked!” I knew it as sure as I knew my own name. I was suddenly, violently ill.

I spent the prior twenty-four hours pretty immersed in Jesus. I watched War Room…a powerful movie about spiritual warfare. Then I came to Gail’s and spent a whole evening talking about very powerful, spiritual things. There were five very strong women engaged in animated spiritual conversation.

Janine and Diane came into the room and laid hands on me and prayed fervently. Within a half hour, I felt much better.

If you don’t believe in such a thing as spiritual warfare, I am here to tell you it’s a very real thing. The enemy does not like when powerful, spiritual women start professing faith like we were. But his power is in whispering lies and making you believe things that are not real. We sent him packing. A whole army of angels surrounded me and kicked his butt! We can just rejoice in that for a while, ok? I believe! ❤️

“Jesus turned and said to Peter, “Get behind me, Satan! You are a stumbling block to me; you do not have in mind the concerns of God, but merely human concerns.””
Matthew 16:23 NIV

Snatched From the Jaws of Death

Fri, 04 Jan 2019 02:30:51 -0600

“She was snatched from the jaws of addiction and saved by the Blood of Jesus.”

She’s just twenty-four. Yet she was addicted to heroin for six years. And occasionally she did meth. On April 14th, she overdosed on both and landed in the ICU for four days on life support. She wasn’t even out of the ER when she popped up on my radar. I’m in a small group at church with someone who knows Danielle very well. The text came in begging for prayers to save this beautiful girl.

And pray we did. Our whole church prayed for her. Actively. Daily. There were prayer warriors stationed at the hospital. There were friends and family talking with her. They wanted to connect her with someone who could help her in this fight. And they wanted Jesus in Danielle’s corner.

She resisted, as you might imagine. At first she said she’d talk to him. Then she wouldn’t. And finally, just before discharge, she relented. I’m unsure of the exact timeline, but I know it wasn’t long till this beautiful girl was saved in a parking lot with many prayers surrounding her.

The change that has come over Danielle is remarkable. When you see her today, and see the light of Jesus on her, it is so hard to imagine her shooting heroin into her veins. She has attended a faith-based residential program three times. These weren’t three dropouts. This was three separate sessions. Because, as anyone who has been set free of the demon of addiction can tell you, it’s never a one and done situation. It is a life-long learning process. And she is committed.

A couple of days ago, Danielle took a plane to Hawaii to attend discipleship training. When she arrived, her luggage was somewhere in Dallas. When she got to the campus to check in, she found out there had been a miscommunication and she was short on funds…four figures short on funds. She reached out to her church family and we raised the funds in about three hours. There is no way to hide God’s work in this. And it is so obvious the enemy doesn’t like it. He tried to throw a wrench in the works at every turn but our God is a mighty God. It wasn’t long till the enemy was put in his place.

Last night, I watched War Room. I’ve always considered myself to be…if not a prayer warrior…then at the very least, a fervent prayer. Oh, my…that movie has me planning a War Room of my own! People like Danielle remind us of the power of prayer. I am so proud of her hard work and her willingness to keep plugging at this. I can’t wait to see what she learns in discipleship training. I cant wait to see what God has in store for her! I’m so happy God plucked her from the jaws of death because I know He has plans for her…to prosper her and not to harm her. ❤️

“I must go on boasting. Although there is nothing to be gained, I will go on to visions and revelations from the Lord. I know a man in Christ who fourteen years ago was caught up to the third heaven. Whether it was in the body or out of the body I do not know—God knows. And I know that this man—whether in the body or apart from the body I do not know, but God knows— was caught up to paradise and heard inexpressible things, things that no one is permitted to tell. I will boast about a man like that, but I will not boast about myself, except about my weaknesses.”
2 Corinthians 12:1-5 NIV

Saying Goodbye to 2018

Mon, 31 Dec 2018 02:30:50 -0600

“A mother-daughter duo singing worship songs to close out the year.” Photo Credit: The Warehouse Church

We had a special celebration at church yesterday. Instead of having the kids over in their area, they joined the adults. And, instead of hearing a message from Pastor Justin, we ended the year with an hour of praise music and communion. It was a special treat to see the children of our worship team on stage singing with their parents. This little gal was amazing and it warmed my heart to watch her.

As the old year fades, we cannot help but look over the last twelve months and review what we have accomplished. It is easy to be critical of what we perceive as mistakes. The woulda-shoulda-coulda’s can creep in, and that really doesn’t serve us well. Looking back with a hopeful heart takes practice.

I was telling someone yesterday that I was glad to have 2018 over with. But when I really gave that some thought, I realized that’s just wishing your life away. There were some very sad things that happened this year, true. I lost three people I loved very much…all within two months. Their deaths saddened me greatly and I have learned enough about life to know…the greater the love, the deeper the grief. I was blessed to have these three in my life to love and love me back.

Then, there were all these health problems I had to deal with. They were a major pain, but when I look back I realize I was so blessed to have insurance. I know there are people who can’t afford to see a doctor and let medical issues go till it’s too late. I was blessed with knowledgeable physicians and excellent hospital care. I cannot complain.

The highlight of my year, of course, was getting married to my best friend. Mr. FixIt is my rock…my life partner…my playmate. My life is so much happier with him in it and I gained a bonus family!

So, I won’t wish away time. I will remember Aunt Viv, and my cousin Tom, and my “other-mother” Louisa with much love…keeping their memories alive by saying their names. And I will cherish the gifts God gives me daily…love, insurance, health, good doctors, a roof over my head, food on my table, a loving family, and a man who thinks the sun rises at my feet. As I head into the new year, I will tuck this one away with solemn gratitude.

❤️

“Praise the LORD, my soul, and do not forget how kind he is.”
Psalms 103:2 GNB

Gwendolyn’s Journey with Arthrogryposis

Sun, 30 Dec 2018 02:30:15 -0600

“Baby Gwen was born with arthrogryposis…a rare congenital anomaly that causes some joints in the body to be stiff and bent in odd directions.”

A few months ago, I asked you to pray for my friend’s little baby granddaughter and you all stood up and joined hands and prayed hard. Baby Gwen came into this world a beautiful little flower…but some of her petals were damaged. She has arthrogryposis…a rare congenital defect that affects multiple joints. There are typically joint contractures which may be stuck in one position. The muscles surrounding these joints may be weak, stiff, or even missing altogether. Little Gwen’s left leg was bent backwards and lay across her tummy. Her feet and hands are turned inward and her little chin is drastically receded.

“Her damaged petals are what made her more beautiful than all the other flowers.” A. J. Lawless

As Gwen has grown, some of these contractures have needed to be addressed more urgently. Because her lower jaw recedes, she cannot drink from a bottle. She eventually had a stomach tube placed to get tube feedings directly into her stomach. And, because she can’t swallow, her normal saliva can choke her to death. She has to have someone awake with her 24/7 in order to suction her airway when her secretions get in her way. Between her airway and tube feedings, physical therapy and doctor’s visits, little Gwen is more than a fulltime job. I’m telling you this though…God couldn’t have given her to a better family than the one she’s in.

“Gwen has had a series of casts placed on her legs to bring them down into position for surgical repair.”

The latest surgery was a tendectomy. This will clear the way for eventually walking. I know it’s hard to imagine her ever walking when you look at that newborn picture, but she has had a series of casts as well as the surgery and her legs are down much closer where they need to be. She is just now being able to coo and gurgle baby gibberish and it makes your heart soar when you see her in a video. Her huge, sensitive eyes look into your very soul. She is the sweetest little thing.

“Baby Gwen is fed through a tube placed surgically into her stomach because she cannot swallow well enough to eat.”

Gwen’s parents are young. Mommy had to quit her job to stay home with the baby. With all the expenses that go along with a situation like this, there is also a Go Fund Me page to help with daily expenses and challenges. I rarely share this kind of thing, asking for donations, but I know this family personally. They are a wonderful, close knit family who needs a little extra help. It’s the end of the year. If you find you need to donate a little more, or if the Spirit moves you, please consider helping this young family out.

“The muscles in Gwen’s arms and hands are weak and she is just now learning to ‘hold’ toys.”

You can find Gwendolyn’s story at:

https://www.facebook.com/GwendolynsJourney/

You can find their Go Fund Me page at:

https://www.gofundme.com/gwendolyn-strong

“I look forward to every post as I follow Gwendolyn’s Journey. This baby will never be told she can’t do something…they will just find a way.”

“As Jesus was walking along, he saw a man who had been born blind. His followers asked him, “Teacher, whose sin caused this man to be born blind—his own sin or his parents’ sin?” Jesus answered, “It is not this man’s sin or his parents’ sin that made him blind. This man was born blind so that God’s power could be shown in him.”
John 9:1-3 ICB

My Hygge Christmas

Wed, 26 Dec 2018 02:30:40 -0600

“Mr. FixIt is a good gift giver…exactly what I would have picked out for myself!”

“Hygge is a Danish and Norwegian word for a mood of coziness and comfortable conviviality with feelings of wellness and contentment.” Wikipedia

I don’t think I have ever had a more relaxing Christmas Day in my life as I had this year. Mr. FixIt gave me Christmas jammies on Christmas Eve and I never changed out of them yesterday. I ate chocolate cake for breakfast. I knitted all day. I caught up with loved ones on the phone and via chat. Mr. FixIt and I watch movies all day. I ate leftover chili…and chocolate.

I was totally pleased with my gifts from my sweetheart. The sweater is the most gorgeous color, style, and fit. The book is something I really wanted. And the travel mugs are lovely. I think he’s setting me up for a winter of comfort! Exactly what I need after a long season of hard work keeping up two big properties. I have some projects to do this winter…writing, home, and business things. So, having this comfort break is just what the doctor ordered!

There are so many who are missing their loved ones this season. If your heart is screaming “he/she should be here!”…you are not forgotten nor are you alone. My heart is with you…I remember that pain and I pray for comfort for you and yours. ❤️

“I love the Lord, for he heard my voice; he heard my cry for mercy. Because he turned his ear to me, I will call on him as long as I live. The cords of death entangled me, the anguish of the grave came over me; I was overcome by distress and sorrow. Then I called on the name of the Lord: “ Lord, save me!” The Lord is gracious and righteous; our God is full of compassion. The Lord protects the unwary; when I was brought low, he saved me. Return to your rest, my soul, for the Lord has been good to you. For you, Lord, have delivered me from death, my eyes from tears, my feet from stumbling, that I may walk before the Lord in the land of the living.”
Psalm 116:1-9 NIV

Christmas: A Season of Healing

Mon, 24 Dec 2018 02:30:33 -0600

“My Santa and Mrs. Claus”

Dear Santa,

This is the sixth Christmas without my Mr. Virgo. I know you remember the day I sat beside you in your great big comfy chair. It was that first awful Christmas after he died. I was crying and you saw me standing there alone. And that great big heart of yours was so soft…you moved over to make room for me and patted the seat, letting me know I should come sit for a while.

I was crying…trying so hard to regain my composure. You waited patiently for me to gather my wits about me. Finally, I leaned towards you. You leaned in to hear. “My husband died. I need a new heart.” I could almost hear your heart breaking for me. You put your arm around my shoulders and whispered back. “I’m so sorry.” Your voice was thick with emotion. You patted my back as my shoulders shook with sobs.

It wasn’t long till I got it together. I apologized for being such a mess. You said, “Nonsense. You’re perfect!” As I prepared to leave, you asked, “Won’t you have your picture taken with me?” My heart skipped a beat and for just a moment…a fleeting moment, I felt the joy of childhood as I nodded yes.

We took a photo, you and I…and we were bonded in that moment. I’ve written to you every year since that December day in 2013. I’ve related my progress as I’ve navigated this grief journey…my ups and downs. My successes and the stumbles. And here it is…2018…and have I got news for you!

I got married!!! Yes…it’s true! I came back to West Virginia two years ago. Along the way, I ran into my best guy pal from high school and, well…the rest is history! We were married in a field at his home. We were married by our lifelong friend…a pastor. And, Santa…he such a good man, my Mr. FixIt. We are two peas in a pod. He goes to church with me every Sunday. It is the first time I have been equally yoked in a marriage and it is amazing!

I just wanted to let you know I’m doing well. I still have moments where I experience grief. I always will…it is the price you pay for great love. I continue my mission of writing here and reaching others who are on the same journey. Thank you for being there for me that sad, sad day. Thank you for being my cheerleader. And thank you again…from the very bottom of my heart…for being real and asking Jesus to bring me a new heart. ❤️

“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”
Psalm 147:3 NIV

Hot Cocoa & Knitting & Winter Solstice

Fri, 21 Dec 2018 02:30:05 -0600

“Hot cocoa and knitting…stop and enjoy the season.”

Productivity is a matter of personal interpretation. Did I wrap presents yesterday for the family Christmas dinner tonight? Um…nope. Did I bake the Pepperoni Rolls like I thought I would? Huh, uh. However, I DID sip hot cocoa while listening to Christmas carols and knitting dishcloths. Why? I’ll tell you…

Because, we get so wrapped up in trying to have the perfect Hallmark holiday that we forget to just…be. To enjoy the moments. To sit down with someone you love and watch the rain pour down and ask if we’re ready for another cup of tea. To listen to Christmas music. To feel the warmth of the fire. To catch up with a friend on the phone. To read Christmas cards. To light candles with the scents of pine and cinnamon apples.

Those presents will get wrapped. Dinner is a pot of chili with peanut butter sandwiches and a pan of homemade cinnamon rolls. Easy peasy. We don’t get yesterday again. We only get today. Don’t be so busy trying to make something perfect that you forget to enjoy the process. Today, you have my permission to put your feet up, have a cup of tea, and knit. The rest will get done…or maybe it won’t. But you’ll feel ever so much better by slowing down. Breathe! Today is the first day of winter…the shortest amount of daylight of the year. Winter Solstice. It starts getting brighter from here on out. ❤️

““Slow down. Take a deep breath. What’s the hurry? Why wear yourself out? Just what are you after anyway? But you say, ‘I can’t help it. I’m addicted to alien gods. I can’t quit.’”
Jeremiah 2:25 MSG

Say “I Love You” With a Little Yarn & a Lotta Love

Tue, 18 Dec 2018 02:30:47 -0600

“Hand knitted dishcloth with the ASL sign for “I Love You” in the pattern.”

Yesterday’s post had me thinking about quick, last minute gifts for the holidays. I was in town Sunday afternoon so I stopped at Walmart and picked up some cotton yarn. Those cute patterns for dishcloths had me thinking I’d like to whip up some.

Mr. FixIt had to go to town yesterday to help a friend build something and do a little Christmas shopping. I elected to stay home. I asked Alexa to play “Soft Christmas Music”, turned up the stove in the family room, grabbed a cup of coffee, and curled up by the tree. I pulled up the fox fur blanket that I had made from the coat Mr. Virgo gave me years ago. And I set to knitting.

In the comments on yesterday’s post, my friend Jamie told me someone made her a dishcloth with the ASL symbol for “I Love You” knitted into it. I asked for the pattern and her friend sent the link. I still have the remnants of grief brain so I had to really concentrate on the pattern. I had to take out a row every now and then when I couldn’t remember where I was in the pattern. But before too long, I had one finished! I’ve started a second dishcloth from one of the pattern in the link I included yesterday.

The other day, Daughter #2 called and said she missed my cooking. I asked her what dish she loved the most. Turkey Tetrawhatzit…my version of Turkey Tetrazzini. So, before Mr. FixIt got home, I put some of the frozen turkey from Thanksgiving in a pot with a little water and simmered it till I could shred the meat with a fork. In an electric skillet, I sautéed half an onion, some sliced mushrooms and celery in a little butter. I added a drained can of mixed veggies. When the turkey was shredded, I tossed it in the skillet with about a pint of the drippings from the pan I roasted the turkey in. While that simmered, I cooked some egg noodles. I mixed up some flour in some of the broth and thickened the turkey mixture, stirred in a cup of sour cream, and brought it just to a simmer then added the drained cooked noodles. Topped with a little shredded Parmesan and…voila! Turkey Tetrawhatzit! Comfort food at it’s best…and it made me think of my daughter. Mr. FixIt said…”Send her a picture!” I did…then called her so she could “join us for dinner!”

It was a lovely day…peaceful, comforting, homey, warm with a big dash of “I Love You!” ❤️

“Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever.”
Psalms 23:6 ESV

Forgiveness Equals Freedom

Mon, 17 Dec 2018 02:30:42 -0600

“Forgiveness=Freedom”

I’m not sure what I expected when I became a Christian in 2004. Lightning? The parting of the sea? Enlightenment? Thunder? I do know what I received was life altering. I received a healing to my very core. I felt like every cell in my body had been made new. It was remarkable.

When I was a baby Christian, I was like a sponge. I knew God, and loved Him. I knew Jesus, and finally embraced Him. But, when it came to the Holy Spirit, I was clueless. I had no idea exactly who He was, how He worked, what His function was. As the years have gone by, I’ve learned more and more and have developed my relationship with the Holy Trinity. And once in a while I get a big A-Ha moment that shines a light on some aspect I didn’t understand before.

I’ve long known and understood when the Holy Spirit talks to me. Those “nudges” that move and steer me in a certain direction are an indication of His presence. When I worship or hear a particularly moving sermon or scripture and I get goose bumps…that’s the Holy Spirit. All those years when I felt a knock on the door of my heart to let Jesus into my life? That was the Holy Spirit. I get all that now. And sometimes when I call out to Him and get the answer in moments, it reiterates just how close the Holy Spirit is….He lives inside us. He is that aspect of God that touches our hearts and minds with an intimacy only God can provide. I had that experience this weekend.

We had lunch with some of the local residents who live near the farm. Over lunch, my elderly aunt became a topic of discussion and I recounted how difficult that time had been. Then at church yesterday, Pastor Justin spoke on forgiveness. True forgiveness breaks the chains that are holding you prisoner. I thought back to my conversation of the day before and realized, I still had a spirit of unforgiveness as I was holding some resentment and hurt in my heart over some of the things my aunt said and did while I was trying to help her. In retrospect, I was quite filled with “You have no idea what she put me through!” That resentment, however small, is the poison I keep drinking yet she is totally unharmed.

At the end of services, Pastor Justin did an alter call and asked those to come forward who wished to let go of resentments and hurts and embrace a spirit of forgiveness. He came to each of us and laid his hands on our heads and prayed over us. I left feeling completely changed…yet again.

Do you have someone you are harboring a spirit of unforgiveness for? Is there someone who has hurt you that has left you saying, “I’ll show you!”? If so, this is a beautiful time to just let it go. Pray for those who have hurt you. Seek ways to praise them in public for the blessings they have given you…even if that blessing is the insight you gained from their unkindness. And, this is the season of giving. Send them a card. Stick a $5 gift card for coffee or to a restaurant. Tell them, “You know, I just wanted to let you know what a blessing you have been this year.” Or “I know you’ve gone through a rough patch and I just wanted to reach out and tell you I’m thinking of you.” Forgiveness goes a long way toward uniting us. I’m not saying send a gift card to your abuser. Or even reaching out for conversation with someone who physically or emotionally abused you. But you can still pray for them. The spirit of forgiveness in you just might bring you a new level of peace and healing of your own. ❤️

“bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.”
Colossians 3:13 ESV

The Pleasure of Needlearts

Sun, 16 Dec 2018 02:30:08 -0600

“A lovely display of vintage hotpads and dishcloths.” Photo Credit: Pinterest

Staying out at the farm brings out the nostalgia in me. My grandma didn’t have fancy things. And when she sewed, her aim was function, not fashion. She mended sheets, shirts, and work pants. She often used old blankets, and even old quilts, as the batting for new ones. She sandwiched the old between fabric if she had the money…sheets if she didn’t. Then she tied them with colorful yarn or perle cotton every few inches. I found a pair of knitting needles and some yarn in her work basket but she said she had never mastered the craft.

Every once in a while, someone would give Grandma a pretty little handmade potholder like the ones in this picture. She hung them on the fridge with a magnet and never used them…they were too pretty. She also had hand-knit dishcloths. Those she used. And I love them! When I first really picked up knitting, I practiced by making dishcloths. They are soft and absorbent and you can have a simple one made up in an hour. They make lovely hostess gifts at the holidays. Here is a page with twelve easy dishcloth patterns. I use a cotton yarn called Sugar and Cream for my dishcloths. ❤️

“As soon as he had finished speaking to Saul, the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul.”
1 Samuel 18:1 ESV

https://www.allfreeknitting.com/Dish/Learn-How-To-Knit-With-a-Knit-Dishcloth-Pattern-Patterns-For-Beginners

Feel Your Feels

Wed, 12 Dec 2018 02:30:17 -0600

“These are some of my favorite Christmas memories.”

As I sit and write this post, Mr. FixIt is in town helping his daughter with something and I am getting ready to address Christmas cards while listening to carols on Pandora. I just had my coffee and a couple of the Oatmeal Raisin Cookies I made yesterday. Another heavy hoar frost has the branches of the forsythia decorated with fuzzy white crystal fingers outside the window where I am perched. The mechanical angel on top of the tree is gently moving her wings and arms as she nods her head slowly. It’s a peaceful scene here on the Ponderosa.

As I was baking my grandma’s Oatmeal Raisin Cookies Monday, I was reminiscing about Christmases spent out on the farm. Grandma seldom had any extras around because money was always tight living off the land. But, as Christmas approached, you could be sure to find certain special treats brought home from the Five & Dime in Harrisville in small brown paper sacks.

I especially remember the Christmas candies Grandma always set out in a special glass dish. Ruffled ribbons, chocolate straws, peppermint sticks…all conjure up the warmth of my grandma’s house at Christmas.

My Uncle Bob had a developmental disability and lived at home all his life. Every Christmas, Bob would walk back on the hill with Grandma and select a tree to drag back down to the house. They were sparse little Charlie Brown trees. I thought they were kind of sad and pitiful back then because ours was always a big, full tree we selected from the lot down at the Shopping Center. Looking back with 65-year-old eyes, I’d give anything to go back and see the ornaments and sweetness of my childhood Christmases on the farm.

Mr. FixIt and I have an artificial tree. He purchased it for me the first Christmas we were dating. I was in Colorado and he was walking around the mall when he saw Sears had their trees marked down drastically. He called and asked if I wanted one. He sent several photos and I selected a slim tree with feathered tips on the needles that make them look frosted. It’s prelit with white lights. No twinkling for me. And no colors. I like white light…and lots of it in the wintertime. It helps with my winter blues.

Keeping these memories alive helps comfort me in times of great loss. When I conjure up images of my grandma, my mom, my cousin, my aunt, my other mother…it reminds me while they are away from me physically, I have them with me always in my heart. Christmas isn’t always a happy occasion when you are actively grieving. Holding the memories close can help ease that pain and gives you the outlet you need to process your grief. Feel your feels, I always say. ❤️

“My people will live in peaceful dwelling places, in secure homes, in undisturbed places of rest.”
Isaiah 32:18 NIV

Kitchen Comforts

Tue, 11 Dec 2018 02:30:08 -0600

“Mr. FixIt brought me roses.”

When I’m struggling with grief, a day in the kitchen does wonders for me. Mr. FixIt knew I hadn’t slept well the last couple of nights since learning the sad news of Miss Louisa passing away, so he was gracious and let me sleep in as long as I wanted to yesterday. I must say, when I awoke around 11:00, I did feel much better. I padded into the kitchen to make my coffee and greet my sweet man in the family room…steaming mug in hand.

I snuggled into the loveseat and wrapped my blue fox blanket around me. The Christmas tree was decorated and standing to my left in front of the big picture windows. The gas stove was cranked up and putting off some decent heat. The heavy frost still laid white on the grass and trees in my view. And, amazingly, the forsythia had several bright yellow blooms on them casting a stark contrast to the grey palette of December.

I sipped my coffee while Mr. FixIt read the paper. The TV droned quietly in the background…some fourteen year old was answering questions on a game show. I tuned it out as I stared at the decorations on the tree and took inventory of my feelings. The pain I felt when I heard the news of yet another loss was easing a little and shifting to the lonesomeness of not being able to pick up the phone and call whenever I want. It is familiar turf for me.

After a while, I sighed and went into the bedroom to dress. Mr. FixIt put on his insulated coveralls and went outside to work a while. I carried my second cup to the living room and sat down to knit on a pair of socks. I texted my friend Gail who is touring Europe to see how she is doing. My friend Janine sent me a text to remind me she was going live at 3:00CST. I put my phone away and turned Pandora to “Traditional Christmas.” I spent the next hour or so in quiet meditation, my hands wrapping the wool yarn around the needles with the muscle memory of a skill I learned in my youth.

I decided to mix up a batch of oatmeal raisin cookies and was pulling the last batch from the oven as Mr. FixIt came in from the cold. I turned on the kettle and he had a nice cup of tea as he ate a cookie, still warm from the oven. He watched me move around the kitchen, cleaning up the bowls and baking pans. I sensed his eyes on me. This is the relationship we delight in. I looked up from wiping the counter and he smiled.

“You treat me so well.”

I smiled back. A knowing smile. An appreciative smile. This is the part of him that is like Mr. Virgo. He loves and appreciates me and is quick to tell me. I love that.

“I like spoiling you,” I grinned. He laughed, gave me a little pat as he tucked his mug in the kitchen sink. He pulled up his coveralls and went back outside. I watched him as he walked out the door. How can a coverall make a man look that sexy? I smiled as I tucked the towel in the door handle of the oven and turned out the light. I had another hour to knit before I started supper.

When I was at the farm the other night, I brought home a pot roast from the freezer. When it was thawed, I cut it in cubes. I put about a cup of flour in a gallon ziplock bag with some salt and pepper and dropped in the cubed roast. I tossed the meat in the flour, rubbing the pieces through the bag to ensure they were well coated then dropped them into a hot skillet with a little oil in it. When the meat had been seared on all sides, I removed it and put it in my electric pressure cooker. I put in a can of beef broth and a can of water, replaced the lid and pressure cooked the roast for 55 minutes. Once it was finished, I let it cool for about twenty minutes without releasing the pressure. I released the pressure carefully and removed the lid. The meat bubbled in a nice thickened gravy and smelled divine. I poured the meat and gravy out into a large storage container and set it on the counter. When it was cool enough, I popped it in the fridge to be used during the week for meals and sandwiches.

Yesterday, I cooked up half a bag of egg noodles. I took out half the meat and gravy and placed it in a saucepan on low heat to warm up. I sautéed a whole package of sliced mushrooms in two tablespoons of butter. Everything was ready at the same time so I drained the pasta, and put it back in the pan, poured the beef and gravy in with the sautéed mushrooms and added 3/4 cup of sour cream. I gave it a quick stir and called Mr. FixIt to the table for supper.

A day like that is soothing to the spirit. It reminded me that, while I miss those I have lost, I have skills in place that I did not have when I lost Mr. Virgo. It is not lost on me that I have the added blessing of this sweet man to be my companion and helpmate to love and support me as I navigate the losses. I kind of feel like I’m cheating…I don’t have to grieve alone like I did when I became a widow. That kind of grief is so much harder than this. I am grateful. ❤️

“‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.””
Revelation 21:4 NIV

Two Angels

Mon, 10 Dec 2018 02:30:27 -0600

“Miss Louisa looks on as Mr. Virgo hugs me at our wedding. She loved being the honorary mom.”

I contacted the photographer who shot Mr. Virgo’s and my wedding. I knew there would be many beautiful photos of my “other mother”, Miss Louisa. Marcia was wonderful. Although I offered to pay her for copies, she sent me a link to a digital folder with instructions to download the photos to use however I wish. I was busy all day yesterday with church and a trip to the mall to watch our little great granddaughter scream on Santa’s lap. I went to the farm while Mr. FixIt bowled. When I got home, I finally had time to sit down and view the photos.

I was scrolling through them…remembering the day. How proud Louisa was to be my honorary mom. It was cool but the sun held the promise of spring and we were married out on the deck overlooking beautiful Mt. Sopris and the Roaring Fork River. I came to this photograph and my heart squeezed. Two angels.

Just then, Mr. FixIt called from the driveway and asked me to come open the door because he had his hands full. As I opened the door, he handed me a bouquet of roses.

“Here, baby…you’ve had a really hard week.”

I smiled, gave him a hug and went to get the Mikasa crystal vase for the flowers as he took off his coat. Suddenly, it all hit me. I was trimming the ends of the stems, silent tears coming down my cheeks. I had my back to him, but he knew. He came in the kitchen and, concern in his voice said, “Are you ok?”

I’ve never cried in front of Mr. FixIt. I cried in front of Mr. Virgo once. He gave me a look like, “Really? We’re doing THIS?” I stopped immediately and never did it again. It’s not that he wasn’t empathetic…he just didn’t emote much. Mr. FixIt is much the same as me on the emotion scale. It’s comforting knowing I can emote freely. Anyway, he wrapped me up in his arms and would have stood there in the kitchen all night hugging me if that’s what I needed.

I knew the day would come when I would lose Louisa. We almost lost her nine years ago when she became very ill. They didn’t expect her to live through the night but she was a fighter. I knew when she died I would feel the same pain I felt when I lost my own mother. And that’s exactly the case. Anyone who got to know her and be close to her were blessed indeed. I got fifteen years with her in my life. I’m one of the lucky ones. ❤️

“Then they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children,”
Titus 2:4 NIV

My “Other Mother”

Sun, 09 Dec 2018 02:30:08 -0600

“My beautiful “Other Mother”, Louisa.”

Most of the time, when you talk about your “Other Mother”, it’s the mom of your best friend from high school. My mom was my sister/friend’s “Other Mother”. They were tight, especially after I married and moved to England. They would go to the beach together and have a grand time. I was thrilled they enjoyed that relationship since I didn’t live near my mom.

God brought me my “Other Mother” when I needed her the most. Louisa and her husband, John, walked into my needlework shop in 2003, the year before my own mother passed away. He knew I was going to need a good woman friend to mother me through that loss. Louisa and John had moved to the Western Slope of Colorado after he retired a few years before. She wanted to learn to do something with her hands. She had a needlepoint kit hanging around and wanted me to teach her. Her vision was slowly deteriorating from Macular Degeneration so she needed something that didn’t involve terribly fine work.

I scheduled an hour to sit with Louisa. That day, as we were gathering our work together, I asked her what her husband had done for a living. She said he was an Internal Medicine physician. Hmmmm. That’s what Hubby #2 did. We had been separated for three years by this point.

“How was that for YOU?” I asked.

The ensuing conversation put all thoughts of needlepoint out of our minds and we proceeded to share our stories. Our paths were remarkably similar. We both had suffered from a clinical depression. Her marriage survived that. Mine did not. We bonded that day and became incredibly close.

When Mr. Virgo and I decided to get married, I asked Louisa and John to stand in as my “parents” at the wedding. They were so thrilled to do so. I’ll never forget when Louisa toasted us and shared how honored she and John were to be included in such a way.

When I moved home to West Virginia, Louisa and I remained close and spoke often on the phone. Every time I went to Colorado for a visit, we spend some quality time together…sometimes I even stayed at their house. We visited last summer when I was home and I noticed right away there had been a rapid deterioration in both John and Louisa. John’s mind was rapidly slipping away to dementia. Louisa’s COPD was taking it’s toll. She was always impeccably dressed when you went to visit. This time, she was seated in her ladie’s wing-backed chair in her dressing gown, her lovely hair slight disheveled in wisps around her face.

She was still her sharp-witted self, but I could see she was weary. We didn’t visit for too long. Her son had been staying with them for a bit to help out. We parted with promised to talk often.

The summer was eaten up with medical visits and soon it was fall before we spoke again. She was trying to be a good soldier, but I could tell how weary she was. We spoke in October when I shared Mr. FixIt and I were soon getting married. She was thrilled. She met him the summer before and loved him. However, she was a proper, old-school, Southern Belle from Owensboro, Kentucky and she did not like us living together without being married.

I was going to call her last week but one thing and another came up. Finally, this past Monday, I got this urgent “nudge” to call her so I listened.

The first thing she said was, “So, are you married yet????” She was in hospice care now.

“Yes, ma’am. We got married on the 13th of October.”

“Ok, good. You know I didn’t like that!” She gently scolded.

“Yes, my dear…I know.”

She told me her granddaughter was being married next month and she just wanted to live till that happened. Our sweet Miss Louisa went home to God late that evening. I was so glad I had listened to that still small voice that said, “Call Louisa.”

I didn’t find out till a mutual friend texted me yesterday. I was crushed, as you are in the first few moments after hearing of such a loss. After I had a good cry, I thought of my Miss Louisa sitting down to “tea”…her vernacular for a good stiff cocktail. Maybe she’s sitting with Mr. Virgo and my mom…enjoying a lovely visit…talking about me and shaking their heads at stories of my misadventures. Whatever she is doing, I know I will sit with her again some sunny day. But, my oh my…this has been a difficult couple of months. I want my loved ones to stop dying now, thank you very much. Cumulative grief is a very real phenomenon. You can read more about it through the link below. ?

https://whatsyourgrief.com/cumulative-grief-aka-grief-overload/

“We are confident, I say, and would prefer to be away from the body and at home with the Lord.”
2 Corinthians 5:8 NIV

The Ghosts of Christmas Past

Sat, 08 Dec 2018 02:30:55 -0600

“The Parkersburg High School Band - 1960’s”

This is the time of year where my Hallmark heart kicks in and I feel the feels…a lot! Anything makes me cry…especially sappy sentimental stuff. Yesterday would have been my second father-in-law’s birthday. I was very close to him and I wasn’t able to attend his funeral because I had just totaled my truck and had a subdural hematoma. I couldn’t fly. I really miss him. I have so many “Pop” stories. Since his birthday was December 7th, it often fell on Hanukkah and Christmas is right behind.

The subject of voicemails from our loved ones came up yesterday, as well. I texted Hubby #2 to tell him I was thinking of his dad. Then I remembered a video I have of Christmas 2009. I went back and watched it. There was seven beautiful minutes of Mr. Virgo and my grandchildren when they were so little. There were my daughters and son-in-law. There was my sweet brother. And…there was Pop! I watched it over and over. It made me smile and tugged at my heart strings at the same time.

Last night we were supposed to go to our graduating class Christmas Dinner. I didn’t feel real great yesterday morning yet I worked in the kitchen most of the day. By late afternoon, I was feverish and achy. We decided not to go and I hated that, but if you’re getting sick, it’s irresponsible to go out amongst the public. At first I was so hot I had to go outside and stand for a while. Then I couldn’t get warm and spent the rest of the evening under a pile of blankets. I felt a whole lot better by bedtime.

As I browsed on Facebook last night, I came upon this photo of the Parkersburg High School All Male Military Marching Band. No, there were no girls allowed back then. That changed after we graduated in 1971. This picture was taken back in the ‘60s. I remember my parents taking us downtown to watch the Christmas Parade. I remember these Christmas decorations hanging across the downtown streets. I remember the thrill of seeing and hearing this award winning band as they marched down the street in their crisp uniforms and clean white bucks. Their precision and military style brought a sense of patriotic pride. Again…pictures like this, at this time of year especially, bring a happy/sad mix of emotions that I can’t resist diving into.

I think today I will bake cookies and watch Christmas movies! I may even hang out in my jammies all day!!! ?

“That precious memory triggers another...” 2 Timothy 1:5 MSG

The Secret to a Good Relationship

Wed, 05 Dec 2018 02:30:43 -0600

“As you grow closer to God, you can’t help but grow closer to each other.”

A young man I barely know came up to me at church the other day. He knew Mr. FixIt and I had just been married. He was quite interested in knowing the secret to a good relationship. He wanted to know how you KNOW you have the right person.

One might not think I know the answers to those questions, given I just entered my fourth marriage. That sounds awful, doesn’t it? Like maybe I don’t know what I’m doing. And, I suppose if you ask my two ex-husbands, they might agree with you. I would counter with a statement: I learned with the loss of each relationship. I learned to examine my own behaviors and contributions, or rather…lack of contribution…in each relationship. I learned about what I DIDN’T want in a relationship.

It doesn’t really benefit you to approach a new relationship with a look backward at what you didn’t like before. It does benefit you to look forward with an attitude of “How can I be the best spouse I can be without losing myself here?” I smiled at the young man and said…”I have the answer for you!”

He looked at me in surprise and payed very close attention.

I held up my hands, fingers and thumbs pressed together forming a triangle.

“Do you see this? This is your relationship. You are here. Your spouse is here.” I pointed to the base of either thumb.

I held up my left hand and said, “See? If you have God in your life, you work towards a good relationship with Him. You not only raise yourself up, but you move forward. The same goes with your spouse.” I held up my right hand to demonstrate.

“When you are married, and you put God first in your relationship, you each raise yourselves higher, but what happens to you individually?”

The young man broke into a huge grin. “You get closer to each other!”

“Yes! That’s exactly right! Do you see how simple that is? There’s no real secret here. Just keep God as the primary focus of your marriage, be the very best partner you can be, try to outlove each other, and He will take care of the rest. It’s nothing more than faith and physics!”

I gave the young man a pat on the back and headed on in to find Mr. FixIt and take my seat beside him as we put God first…this day and all days. ❤️

“He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord.”
Proverbs 18:22 NIV

A Long Goodbye

Sun, 02 Dec 2018 02:30:27 -0600

“My sweet cousin, Tom.”

I was seven years old when I fell in love with Tommy Allen. The fact that he was my first cousin meant nothing to me. The fact that he was home from the Navy wearing his sailor whites meant EVERYTHING. swoon He was dreamy.

I remember that day like it was yesterday. I was playing on the floor with my brother. We had a bunch of little plastic barnyard animals and some Lincoln Logs, creating the wilderness cabin of Daniel Boone. It was a sweltering hot summer day and I wore a violet colored cotton dress. They say it matched my eyes. My bare arms were brown from the sun. My bare feet were brown from the WV dirt.

My cousin, Donna Jean, was in high school. She was playing Elvis Presley records on the stereo…his mellow voice coming through scratchy and thin. A car door slammed out front and my Aunt Marge came running from the kitchen, wiping her hands on a kitchen towel.

“He’s here!” The screen door didn’t even swing shut before she was out on the porch wrapping her boy in her mom-hug. I ran to the door and peeked out to see what the ruckus was all about. And…there he was. His pompadour slicked back. His Navy whites, crisp and clean, glaring in the July sun. His marine blue eyes sparkled when he saw me and grinned. He gave me a knowing wink, and I was smitten.

“Captain Tom”

We didn’t get to see each other much. He married and moved to Paden City, then New Martinsville. He raised his family. He worked hard in one of the chemical plants that dot the Ohio River banks from Pittsburg to Louisville. Then, in 1976, my parents divorced. By this time I was married myself with a little one of my own and lived in Colorado. I am embarrassed to say, I didn’t have much to do with my father’s family after that. There were a lot of reasons why…none of them good.

My father died in 2008. For some reason, I didn’t think there would be but a handful of people at his funeral. If he was the same man to others as he had been to me and my family, this would be a pretty quick, cut and dried affair. Imagine my surprise when the church was full to overflowing at my father’s memorial service! I listened to people tell me what a wonderful man he was. How he was a central figure in their church. A pillar of the community. “He would give you the shirt off his back.” I heard over and over. It wasn’t the man I knew, but I realized…he was the man THEY knew. And this funeral was for them.

Almost all of my cousins from my dad’s side were there. I greeted them politely before the service. When we all went to the basement after, I sat in awe and listened to the stories they told me about my dad. I told them about the man I knew. We were both dumbfounded. But, the really GREAT part is…even though I had walked away from them all in 1975, they greeted me with open arms in 2008 like I’d been there all along. I fell in love with them all…all over again.

About four-and-a-half years or so ago, my handsome cousin Tommy was diagnosed with mesothelioma. It is a cancer of the covering of the lung but can appear anywhere. And it comes from exposure to asbestos. He was exposed in the Navy shipyards and the plant in which he worked. The average life expectancy for mesothelioma patients is 12-21 months. Approximately 40% of patients live past one year, and only 9% live longer than five years. He was determined to do everything he could so he went to NIH and participated in clinical trials.

It bought him some good time. He fished and hunted and was his normal, happy, feisty self. Then one of the trial drugs nearly killed him. That’s when he decided…he’d had enough. His wife, Suzy, contacted me and said it was time to come for a visit. No one said it out loud, but I knew this was my last visit with this sweet man. By this time, he didn’t have the energy to go exploring or out to eat. So, we just sat at home. We talked. We laughed. I recorded him telling me stories. It was bittersweet. The ride to the beach was long and quiet.

I met fifteen gals from my high school for coffee yesterday morning. I was going to the funeral home afterwards. Lisa, the friend who married Mr. FixIt and me, lost her mom Thanksgiving Day and the viewing was yesterday. I picked up my phone to see what time it was because I didn’t want to be late. That’s when I saw the text from Suzy. Our Tom passed at 1:35 yesterday morning.

“Tommy and Me”

I tried not to cry, but the tears slipped too easily down my cheeks. My friends were wonderful and hugged me. I showed them his picture. I told them I fell in love with this handsome sailor when I was just a little girl. And now, he has crossed over the last trout stream and is off on a great bear hunt in the sky. I will miss you, Tommy…you were a heck of a good man.

Today would have been their 57th Wedding Anniversary. Suzy has never lived alone. But, she has lots of love and support. She will get through this in her own way…in her own time. Those of us who have walked this particular path have an understanding of what she is going through today. Please keep Suzy and all who loved Tom in your prayers. ?

““Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe also in me. My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going.””
John 14:1-4 NIV

Grandma Lois’ Very Best Chocolate Cake

Sat, 01 Dec 2018 02:30:46 -0600

“Homemade chocolate cake…Grandma Lois’ recipe.”

My son-in-law’s Grandma is one of the sweetest and feistiest women I know. Grandma Lois is 90 and now lives in a nursing home. But up to just a few years ago, she drove herself around in her little Ford and assisted in a grade school classroom several days a week.

Grandma Lois and Grandpa Bud had an upholstery business. She was always a hardworking woman. She didn’t stop working when her husband passed suddenly. She’s the matriarch of a wonderful, salt-of-the-earth family. I tell people when Daughter #1 got married, she won the lottery with these wonderful people.

Grandma was a member of a womens’ social club. One gathering had everyone bring their favorite recipe on a card to exchange. This is the recipe she received that day. My son-in-law LOVES chocolate cake and this is the family’s go-to chocolate cake for special occasions. I took this one with me to my cousin’s for Thanksgiving and I’ve had many requests for the recipe. I always check with the source before I share old family recipes and they were happy to let more people enjoy this yummy cake.

I’ll make another one to serve for drop-in company here at the Ponderosa. Hope you enjoy it!

Favorite Chocolate Cake

3 cups flour

2 cups sugar

2 tsp. Baking soda

1/2 tsp. Salt

1/4 to 1/2 cup cocoa

Sift together the above then add -

2 eggs

1 cup Wesson Oil

2 T. Mayo

3 tsp. Vanilla

1 cup sour milk (add 2 T. Vinegar to milk & let sit 5 min.)

OR you can use one cup buttermilk instead

1 cup boiling water

Put all ingredients in bowl; put boiling water in last. Beat 2 minutes or so.

Bake in 350 degree oven for 30 minutes or until a toothpick inserted comes out clean.

Let cool in pan for 10 minutes then tip out on a cake rack to cool. Slice “domed” top from each layer before frosting with your favorite icing.

Makes two good sized layers.

If making cupcakes, bake for 20 minutes.

❤️

“Then he gave a loaf of bread, a cake of dates and a cake of raisins to each Israelite man and woman.”
1 Chronicles 16:3 NIV

Somewhere Over the Rainbow...Bluebirds Fly

Thu, 29 Nov 2018 02:30:37 -0600

“Ron Rudolph and his grandson building bluebird houses in memory of his late wife.”

I have told you many times that Mr. Virgo sends me bluebirds. It first began when I stood by his grave…heart broken…sobbing, when I heard a birdsong nearby. I looked to my right and just a few feet away, a bluebird sat on a pole and was singing. It lifted something in my heart. I could feel my husband’s presence and it was comforting. Since then, countless bluebirds show up at odd times. Mr. FixIt and I have taken to saying hello to him out loud when we see them.

This sweet man I am married to called me into the family room yesterday and said, “Look, I want you to see this.”

I sat down to watch a segment on the Today show about a man in Minnesota. Ron Rudolph lost his wife to a brain tumor this past January. When he found himself wandering around the house in the middle of the night, he decided to go out to his wood shop. He saw a bluebird house hanging on the wall. His wife loved bluebirds and he had made several of the houses to place around their yard for her to enjoy. He decided to cut out a few birdhouses to keep his hands, and his mind, busy.

After constructing several birdhouses, he enlisted his daughter’s help in setting up a way to sell them. He wanted others to enjoy bluebirds, in his wife’s memory. Now, there are four generations building bluebird houses in his shop and a portion of the proceeds goes to the hospice that cared for his late wife.

I reached out to Ron yesterday and shared my story of losing Mr. Virgo. I asked if I could share his story with you here and he was thrilled. I have ordered two bluebird houses…one for the Ponderosa and another for the farm. I know you will love this story as much as I have. I’m looking forward to getting to know this beautiful family better.

You can find the Today Show story posted on their Facebook page: Rudolph’s Bluebird Houses

www.facebook.com/166886557…

❤️

“All you saints! Sing your hearts out to GOD! Thank him to his face! He gets angry once in a while, but across a lifetime there is only love. The nights of crying your eyes out give way to days of laughter.”
Psalm 30:4-5 MSG

Nothing Like the Last Minute

Thu, 22 Nov 2018 02:30:28 -0600

“A fresh turkey takes the guesswork out of thawing.”

We were going to leave yesterday to travel to my cousin’s for Thanksgiving dinner but they have a loved one in the hospital and wouldn’t be home till late. We decided to leave bright and early this morning as that would give us another day to prepare for our company coming Saturday.

Mr. FixIt and I bought a 25# turkey in preparation for 14 guests and plenty of leftovers. We bought said bird early last week. I pulled it from the freezer and put it in the fridge in the garage on Friday. I figured it would be totally defrosted in the ensuing eight days. Well, yesterday morning it was still hard as a rock. I mean, maybe the slightest icy give under the skin, but that’s it. No way that monster is going to be ready for Saturday’s guests. Heck, it might not be ready for CHRISTMAS at that rate.

I pulled the turkey from the fridge and let it sit in a galvanized tub on the basement floor till I realized the temps are supposed to be down in the twenties over the next few nights. That thing will never make it and since we’ll be gone for a couple of days, I can’t put it in the sink with water or leave it out of the fridge in case global warming shifts into high gear before Friday. I made the decision…I had to go to town and buy a fresh turkey. On the day before Thanksgiving. In a small town. My chances of meeting success were drastically slim.

I left Mr. FixIt and his vacuuming (for the fourth or fifth time this week…I’m not sure there are fibers left in this carpet. But, I digress.) and headed to town. The first store I come to…besides Dollar General…is Walmart. Since Dollar General most assuredly doesn’t carry fresh turkey, I elected to stop at Walmart. I didn’t hold out much hope and I was totally prepared to have to drive all over town. I sent up a little prayer and said, “Lord, you know I’ll drive all over town to find a fresh turkey but I sure would love it if You would make sure I find one at the first store I come to?” Sure enough, there was my turkey…and everything else I needed!

“Homemade chocolate cake…Grandma Lois’ recipe.”

I came home and baked a cake for today. My son-in-law’s mom makes this cake all the time. Her mom got the recipe in an exchange at her ladies club years ago. It uses buttermilk, mayonnaise, and boiling water and it is the BEST chocolate cake I think I have ever had!

“Butter crunch lettuce…one hour from harvest to table…in November! Hydroponics rule!”

Later in the day, my friend Diane posted she had just bought some hydroponic lettuce produced in our tiny little town. I asked where I could get some and she brought a head over as a gift. It was fabulous and I can assure you, this is where I’ll be purchasing my salad greens this winter. And…NO fear of E. Coli! Win-win.

I hope you all have a wonderful holiday. May your turkey be tender and your gravy lump-free! I am thankful for all of you!!! ❤️

“Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; his love endures forever.”
1 Chronicles 16:34 NIV

The Art of Giving

Thu, 15 Nov 2018 02:30:37 -0600

“Shopping for warm blankets with my small group.”

I love this time of year. However, the first Christmas after Mr. Virgo died, I was so incredibly lost. I went to Denver to be with my family because I couldn’t bear to be alone. I think that’s pretty common among those who have lost a spouse.

The holidays were so special to my late husband. He lived for Christmas especially. He planned all year. He paid attention to what I needed or wanted and he was incredibly generous with gifts…too much so, really. But it gave him such joy to see the look on my face when I opened something from him. He just wanted to keep seeing that look.

That first lonely Christmas, one of the layers of the onion peeled back and revealed my days of receiving his well thought out gifts were over and it was just another beautiful thing torn from my life. I was bereft. I wanted something special from him, and since that was impossible, I decided to do something special for me.

I was driving down a busy Denver street the week before Christmas when I felt the gentle nudge of the Holy Spirit.

“There…go there.”

I looked to the right and it was Walmart. I dutifully turned in and parked. As I was walking in, I heard….

“Pay it forward.”

I went to the layaway desk and inquired how I could pay off someone’s layaway. Unfortunately, they had called in the layaways the week before so whatever hadn’t been paid for was returned to the shelves. Not to be deterred, I went to the ATM, withdrew some money, bought a card, and sat down to write a note in it. I told the recipient about this gentle man who loved Christmas and the joy of giving. I told whoever was going to receive this that I was giving them what he would have given me. Then I sat down on the bench at the front of the store and waited for the next instructions.

“Go back there. To the left…you’ll find them there.”

I headed for the back left and found the toy department. I wandered around and saw several shoppers but none stood out. I went around the corner of an aisle and there they were. A young mom and dad. They pulled a toy from the shelf, looking hopeful. Then they looked for the price, looked at each other, looked defeated, and put it back. They did this several times as they moved slowly down the aisle. There was very little in their cart.

I roamed back and forth, acting like I was very interested in something, but all the while trying to listen without being too obvious. What I wanted was for the woman to wander away from her bag for a moment so I could slip the envelope in and be on my way with the young couple none the wiser. She was a smart girl…she never left her bag for a moment. Finally, I decided I just had to move forward or I was going to look like a crazy stalker.

I walked up to the woman and said, “Here. I think this is yours.” I handed her the envelope with the bills stuffed inside. She was puzzled. She looked up from the envelope and our eyes met. I smiled warmly, pulled her to me in a mom hug, and whispered, “Merry Christmas.” Then, before she could let it register, I turned on my heel and walked away straight out of the store, without looking back.

I got to the car and my knees were shaking. I would have loved to have seen her face. But then she would have wanted to thank me or maybe even refuse the gift. Neither of which I wanted. I put the car in gear and headed to meet my family knowing I had shared something special with someone who needed it. I remember when I was a poor, single mom…trying to do the best for my own little one with very, very little resources. It felt good to give.

The church I attend is huge, so in order to have that sense of a “church family”, we have small groups that meet for several weeks per session. The group I belong to has such amazing, strong Christian women. We are in a chat group and we offer prayers and support to each other as we share and learn and grow in the Lord.

This year, our Pastor challenged the groups to find a service project and complete it by the end of the session. We couldn’t decide on just one so we supported two. The Women’s Care Center and the Mission for the homeless. Last night we met at a discount store in town and loaded three shopping carts full to overflowing. We bought children’s clothes, long john’s, hats, and 20 blankets and wheeled our purchases to the foyer. There, we stood around the carts and placed our hands on the bounty and prayed…out loud, in the store, in front of God and everybody. We asked for God to bless these items that they would doubly warm the recipients. We asked that they feel God’s love for them when they wrap themselves in the blankets. Then we headed for the mission.

“The bounty!”

When we came in, laden with bag after bag of stuff, the man behind the desk said, “What have we here?”

“Blankets! From The Warehouse Church!!!” We said, in unison.

“Oh, my gosh…that’s exactly what we needed. I ran out of blankets this evening!”

I smiled. I kinda felt Mr. Virgo grinning…poking me in the ribs.

“See, babydoll! That’s what I’m talkin’ about. It’s better to give than to receive. Giving is an art form.”

Yes…I do love this time of year. ❤️

“Each of you should give what you have decided in your heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver. And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work. As it is written: “They have freely scattered their gifts to the poor; their righteousness endures forever.”” 2 Corinthians 9:7-9 NIV

Cold Weather Comfort Food

Wed, 14 Nov 2018 02:30:08 -0600

“Creamed Tomato Gravy…one of my grandma’s specialties!”

Grandma canned tomatoes like it was going out of style. The shelves in the cellar house were brimming with home canned goodies to savor over the winter. Tomatoes, green beans, corn, big chunks of tender beef, pickles, picalilly, pickled beets, peaches, applesauce, apple butter, preserves, jams and jellies shone like jewels and were EVER so welcome on the dark nights of January and February. Bins of potatoes and apples as well as braids of onions would be divvied up to last till the first harvest in late spring.

“Light and Flaky Buttermilk Biscuits…my favorite!”

One of my favorite meals Grandma fixed was Creamed Tomato Gravy over Buttermilk Biscuits. I’ve never replenished my canning supplies after they were stolen from my storage area in Colorado, so I haven’t canned anything in quite some time. I did take the last of the ripe tomatoes in late summer and stewed them then froze two batches in the freezer. I’ve been promising Mr. FixIt this yummy comfort food for weeks now, but this is the first chance I’ve had to slow down and bake some biscuits.

Mr. FixIt had to leave his truck with the mechanic Monday, so we are down to one vehicle this week. This means we get to spend the week together uninterrupted! We threw ourselves into cleaning house yesterday in preparation for company coming for Thanksgiving Dinner. We are still catching up with laundry as well as pulling blankets out for winter. It was a lovely, relaxing day nesting, cooking, and watching it try to snow. This tomato gravy over hot biscuits fresh from the oven were just what the doctor ordered! For dessert, we buttered a couple more and slathered on a healthy portion of Mixed Berry Jelly by the gal at In a Jam. My lifelong family/friend, Judith, gifted us six jars as a late wedding gifts which she swears is not a gift….just a “thinking of you”. She had the Chief Jam Maker at In a Jam make labels with our wedding picture on it. Actually, the one I’m using as a profile picture. Such a thoughtful person she is!

The peace of days like this is not lost on me. Relaxing, puttering, cooking, knitting, writing, throwing in a couple loads of laundry and hanging out at home with my new husband is so delicious. You never know how much something hurts till the pain goes away, do you? ❤️

“She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her:” Proverbs 31:27-28 NIV

Pennies from Heaven

Tue, 13 Nov 2018 02:30:10 -0600

“Found pennies…is it God reminding us to trust him?”

How many of you seem to find an inordinate number of coins since your person died? Ever since I was a little girl, I’ve found coins…sometimes every day…sometimes several times a day. You’ve all heard “See a penny, pick it up. All the day you’ll have good luck!” When you marry in England, you wear “something borrowed, something blue, a lucky sixpence in your shoe.”

Mr. FixIt and I found a penny one time that had the shape of a cross cut out of it. That was quite the find! Since Mr. Virgo died, I’ve found more and more coins. I’ve been told they are “angel pennies”…placed in your path to let you know your loved one is thinking of you. I don’t know if that is the case, but it’s a sweet sentiment.

When I pick up any coin, I turn it heads up and read what is stamped along the edge. “In God We Trust”. I read this and smile. It’s like God is sending me a little reminder…”Trust in me. Stop worrying about whatever is rumbling around in that brain of yours and place your trust where it belongs.” I put the angel pennies I find in special places…my night stand, the dash in my truck, the pocket of my coat or jeans. These found coins continue to remind me as I come and go to remember who’s got my back. Who loves me more than all others. Who has saved me.

My guess is…you will never look at a penny the same again. And you just might find yourself seeing more and more of them. ❤️

“Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care.” Matthew 10:29 NIV

The Gem Roller Organ

Sun, 11 Nov 2018 02:30:10 -0600

“The Gem Roller Organ”

When we were guests at the Caswell-Smith House this week, Norm Smith shared this lovely restored roller organ with us. I have always been intrigued with music boxes and unusual instruments and this one did not disappoint. It was made 135 years ago but was restored in 1989 and came with an assortment of “cobs”…rollers with pins that activate the levers to produce the note.

Enjoy…and may you have a blessed Sunday! ❤️

A Gem of a Roller Organ

by Bob Brooke

A deluxe 19th-century roller organ. By the late19th Century, working and middle class Victorians, with more free time on their hands, sought out ingenious, yet affordable modes of home entertainment. One such home entertainment device was the roller organ, a type of table-top music box that played wooden rollers called cobs because they resembled an eaten cob of corn.

Although roller organs came in different sizes and degrees of luxury, the most popular one was the “Gem” Roller Organ, manufactured by a number of companies, including the Autophone Company of Ithaca, New York.

Originally, these hand-cranked organs operated by air pressure from exposed bellows, As technology improved, later models worked by vacuum pressure, thus enabling manufacturers to reduce the size of the units, much as today’s technology has reduced the size of radios and cassette tape players.

Because of its relative simplicity, manufacturers produced tens of thousands annually, thereby keeping the cost of a roller organ affordable. Sears & Roebuck, in their 1902 Catalog, was able to offer the Gem Roller Organ for as low as $3.25, including three rollers. Contracting with companies to produce large quantities of these devices enabled Sears to sell in volume and keep its price low.

The Gem Roller Organ, available in either a painted black or walnut-like finish with gold stenciled applied designs, used teeth or pins embedded into a 20-note wooden roller, similar to the cylinders used in Swiss music boxes. Pins operated on valve keys while a gear turned the roller. Priced as low as 18 cents each–and according to the Sears Catalog, less than traditional sheet music–roller music ranged from classical to sacred to ethnic and popular tunes. The tone was similar to a cabinet parlor organ of the time.

You can listen to The Gem Roller Organ here.

At 16 inches long, 14 inches wide and 9 inches high, the Gem Roller Organ was small and light enough to place on a parlor table. The 1902 Sears Catalog listed 220 different rollers of the over 1,200 different titles available.

To understand just how much the value of the Gem Roller Organ has appreciated, Sherrill and Barb Edwards of West Grove, PA recently priced one at $850 at an antique show in Pennsylvania. ❤️

“speaking to one another with psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit. Sing and make music from your heart to the Lord,” Ephesians 5:19 NIV

The Decision Process

Sat, 10 Nov 2018 02:30:16 -0600

“The decision on wedding bands was a process. I wanted exactly the right ones!”

Mr. FixIt proposed to me last year. We both knew from the beginning this relationship was going to be special. We both knew we had found the one. So, it was never a matter of “if”. It was always a matter of “when”.

You know, if you’ve been around a while…I knew I wanted to be with this man for all eternity. But I wasn’t quite sure I wanted to be married again. After all, I’d already been married three times. The first was too young. The second was too long. And the third was cut short by his untimely death. I wasn’t sure I could live through that again. And…I was afraid of losing my widow’s benefits.

So, we lived together and it bothered my heart. My faith tells me that is a sin. I prayed and asked God to speak to me through my Pastor if He had a message directly for me. The Pastor spent the next nine months delivering message after message that what we were doing was wrong. It happened SO many times, I could no longer deny the truth. After speaking with my faith mentors, I asked God to give me a sign.

I knew He would always provide for me, but I asked if I would lose my benefits if I remarried. Immediately I heard, “Well, Google it!” So, I did…and as long as I married after the age of 60, I would NOT. That was all I needed to know and I shared the good news with my beloved.

We married just a month later. When Mr. FixIt gave me my engagement ring, he knew my stance on marriage so we never went out to buy a wedding band. As a matter of fact, my ring was not part of a set so there wasn’t a band to go with it. The ring has an odd shape and really needs a custom made wedding band to sit flush with it.

When we set the date, I told Mr. FixIt I didn’t really NEED a wedding ring. I could just wear the engagement ring alone and be good. But the closer we got to the wedding, the more I regretted that decision. I really WANTED a band to symbolize the two events separately. The week before the wedding, I bought a simple, straight band with little diamonds. I have to admit, I didn’t choose what I really wanted. I went with what was less expensive.

The wedding was lovely. My ring sat on my hand for the next several days. But every time I looked at it, I remembered the other one. It wasn’t THAT much more expensive. I kept going back to the jeweler and visiting the ring. Finally, I made the decision and traded in the straight band for the curved one that sat up against the engagement ring like it was made for it.

I loved it. And still, something was missing. It didn’t seem finished, symmetrical. That’s when I decided to use money I’ve made from my writing and buy a second band for myself to sit on the other side. And now? I absolutely LOVE it. It looks polished. Complete. Like it was made to be this way.

I was talking with my camping friend, Janine about it and she said this. “It’s not like you’re picking out a winter coat. This is your wedding band. God willing, you will be wearing this the rest of your life. Get the one that makes your heart sing.” It only LOOKS extravagant but I still got an amazing deal on it. (I always go for a sale!) So, these are the rings that represent our love and commitment and I am so happy to wear them. They do make my heart sing! ❤️

“So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” Matthew 19:6 NIV

Living in a Small Town in the Hills

Tue, 06 Nov 2018 02:30:49 -0600

“The colors are a bit past their prime, but still lovely.”

I am from West Virginia originally. I was raised about 30 miles from where I’m standing at this moment. My grandparents’ farm is 22 miles away. Both much shorter “as the crow flies”. I left here when I was nineteen years old and lived first in England for two years then Colorado for forty. It wasn’t until Mr. Virgo died that I headed back to my roots in these beautiful hills.

My first year was spent out at the farm on seventy-four acres. You talk about quiet and peaceful. Other than the oil and gas traffic on the road, it’s dead out there. The little store closed this summer. The only thing open now is the tiny post office.

“Fall decor lines the driveway.”

I remember when I was married to Hubby #2, the doctor. I lived a different life then than anything my family could even approach experiencing in terms of finances and the ability to experience travel. I was talking with one of my high school sister/friends one night and apparently I was acting in a way which warranted a dressing down. She reminded me, in no uncertain terms, where I started out in life and not to be so snooty. She was absolutely right. I had gotten a tad big for my britches.

Widowhood changed me in many ways…not the least of which was living a small, quiet life in a camper with only 5% of my belongings dragged with me. Moving to the farm was a continuation of the much simpler, more humble, and highly satisfying life I have come to know since my return to my roots. And now, I’ve married into this sweet little town I’ve come to love.

I went to the Post Office yesterday to pick up the mail held for us. As I stood in line, the two women at the front wrapped up a conversation as the clerk called her name.

“I hope we run into each other again real soon!”

“”Well, lets just plan on lunch so we don’t have to leave it to chance!”

“That’s great!”

Hugs.

“You tell your mama hey for me, will ya’?”

“Sure will!”

My heart smiled. I picked up my mail and headed to the local mom and pop grocery store. I was standing at the meat counter waiting for the gal to weigh out my two pounds of fresh ground hamburger and slice the Colby Longhorn cheese I’m so fond of. An older woman came up to the counter, walking gingerly.

“Whoooo-ooooo! Honey, it’s gonna rain tomorrow. I can guarantee it. My joints are hurtin’ me somthin’ awful today. I tell my son, I say…’Boy…don’t you go huntin’ tomorrow ‘cause it’s gonna rain!’ He listens. He’s a good boy.”

My heart smiled even bigger.

The gentleman from behind the meat counter went up to run the second register during the “big rush” at 4:00. He’s one of two brothers who own the store.

“How have you been doing today?” He reminds me of a preacher. Clean cut, kind to a fault.

“Great! We just got home from our honeymoon last night!” I said.

“Wonderful, wonderful! And where did you go?” His smile was warm and engaging.

I told him we started out with the WVU - Baylor game then headed to Colonial Williamsburg and on to the beach.

“Oh, I remember a trip to Williamsburg when I was in Junior High. What a beautiful place that is. And what beach did you go to?”

“We went to Salvo and got a beach house.”

“Oh, that’s just fine. I’m so happy for you!” He didn’t miss a beat as he continued to check me out, take my payment, and sack up my purchase. The only thing missing was an apron and a garter on his sleeve….maybe sawdust on the floor, penny candy and pickles in barrels by the door.

I do so love living in a small town. I am not lacking for anything. This is the life I’ve wanted for at least the last thirty-five years. I was telling Mr. FixIt last night what all I would have wanted to do had we married at 35 instead of 65. I would have had chickens…goats…rabbits…and a barn. Maybe a milk cow. There would have been barn cats and a trusty dog.

There are five beautiful, flat acres here…plenty of room to have that hobby farm I always dreamed of. I think I’m past all that now. Oh, I could still do most of that, but it doesn’t make a bit of sense to invest a bunch of money in fencing and structures at our age. We have different interests now…like, traveling, camping, and not being tied down by animals.

“The neighbor came and brush hogged the back acre.”

No, this life is perfect just the way it is. Our tractor was delivered today after getting warranty repairs. They just don’t make things like they used to. The guy that brought it out to the Ponderosa showed us how cheaply the wheel sprockets are made. He says they have replaced a lot of them. I went out in the field and mulched most of the leaves that fell in that section. Mr. FixIt lined all the pumpkins and gourds from the wedding all along the driveway. The mums in the backyard are already well past their prime. The leaves are still brightly colored but we are rapidly hitting “past peak” status.

We are already making plans for Thanksgiving and before you know it, Christmas will be here, as well. Even though our lives have a tendency to get busy and hectic, especially in mowing season, there is plenty of downtime to reflect on our many blessings. I hope you all are having a wonderful day! ❤️

“Then God said, “Let the land produce vegetation: seed-bearing plants and trees on the land that bear fruit with seed in it, according to their various kinds.” And it was so.” Genesis 1:11 NIV

Home Again, Home Again...

Mon, 05 Nov 2018 02:30:36 -0600

“Riding shotgun gives me beautiful views as well as time to knit.”

What a day! I am most fortunate that Mr. FixIt drove all the way home so I could sit and knit and talk and look at the GORGEOUS colors! The trees are at their peak right now.

“Knitting socks as we drove through the Blue Ridge and Appalachian Mountains.”

We only had one hold up coming home. There had been a fender bender and before they could get it cleared, there were two more in the resulting slow down and congestion. We were only delayed by about ten minutes. Nothing else happened till we were 45 minutes from home.

I had been texting with the friend we were with when they hit the deer last week. She texted, “Don’t hit any deer!” I hadn’t even looked up from my phone when Mr. FixIt hit the brakes and swerved. I heard a tiny thump but we didn’t run over anything. He said a deer was just starting to cross the road and he though he had just grazed her. We pulled over where there was adequate light and there was no damage whatsoever.

As we headed out our road, someone flashed their lights to warn us of something ahead. There was another deer…hit and injured, but not dead. That’s the worst because I hate to see them suffer. I did not take my pistol with me on this trip so there was no putting her out of her misery. I needed to get her off the road to prevent an accident. I pulled her by her front legs and she bleated like a lamb. I’ve never heard a deer make that sound. It just broke my heart. I called 911 and they said they would send someone out to see what they could do for her.

I am grateful we made it home safe and sound. Thank you, God! Now, life will get back to normal, right? (Insert laugh track here!) ❤️

A Day in Hatteras

Sun, 04 Nov 2018 02:30:55 -0600

“Sweet little Argosy!”

Our last full day on the OBX is in the books and what a beautiful day it was! The day dawned overcast but warm. By the time we were up and had breakfast made, the clouds were gone and there was abundant sunshine. It was looking like a perfect day for what we had planned.

“Cape Hatteras Lighthouse”

We headed south for Buxton to see the Cape Hatteras lighthouse. Unfortunately, it was closed for climbing just after Columbus Day so we didn’t get to go inside. But we walked the beach and visited the site where the ashes of Mr. FixIt’s son-in-law were spread in August. We didn’t stay long because that sunshine was just a bit deceiving. The wind had a definite bite to it and my sweetheart didn’t bring a jacket.

“Is there such a thing as TOO MUCH YARN?”

My new hubby knows the things I love. He took me to a house that had the cutest camper in front of it. I’m glad there wasn’t any traffic because he stopped right in front so I could take a picture. He also knows when there is a yarn shop, you look for the nearest parking spot. Such a good man!

“Cape Hatteras Lighthouse”

I love when I meet someone and I instantly know they’re special…someone I want to keep in touch with. That was Jenn Johnson. She has the sweetest little shop in Hatteras. Blue Pelican is a gallery and gift shop with a generous portion dedicated to yarn. When you walk in the shop, you are instantly bombarded with great splashes of color. Large windows let the North Carolina sun in and light is reflected from the many displays of handcrafted jewelry and art objects. Then…Mr. FixIt said, “Baby, wait till you see this!” He had just stuck his head in the yarn room.

“Sunset on the trees.”

This place was eye candy. There was a lot of yarn packed into a small area and I could have spent a lot more time in there. Everywhere you looked, the colors and textures invited you to come in and play. Samples screamed, “Touch me!” I couldn’t get enough. And, since you can’t get enough yarn, I bought two more skeins for socks. Ok…I’m done. No more yarn till this is knitted up. (Please don’t hold me to that!)

The week is over and we pack up to head home today. I was telling Mr. FixIt, when you first get to the beach, the week stretches out in front of you. And, when the last day comes, you wonder where the time went. We are well rested and happy as a pair of speckled pups. So, home we go. Let the adventures continue! ❤️

“You will be blessed when you come in and blessed when you go out.” Deuteronomy 28:6 NIV

Adding to My Yarn Stash!

Sat, 03 Nov 2018 01:30:50 -0600

“Yarn is one thing I am willing to accumulate. I love knitting socks as gifts and the Lord loves a cheerful giver!”

There are very few things I will buy anymore. Besides food and the occasional piece of clothing, I just do not shop like I used to. Working so hard at downsizing, and going through the emotional roller coaster that caused, keeps me from accumulating too much. One place I do add is yarn for socks.

Once I closed my needlework shop in 2006, I really didn’t do any stitching or knitting. I burned out on fiber arts because it became “work” for me. It wasn’t fun anymore. Then, after losing Mr. Virgo, I just couldn’t concentrate enough to focus on anything as intricate as a pattern. I couldn’t even read a book. My creativity had suffered a fatal blow when grief took over my brain.

When we were down here at the Outer Banks last spring, I went into a wonderful yarn shop in Kitty Hawk called Knitting Addiction. ( knittingaddiction.com ) I explained that I hadn’t knitted in a long time but that I had made socks before. I really enjoy them because they are a fairly quick project I can work on while we travel. It’s easy to knit on them in the warm months of the year because they are small and you don’t get overheated. And, they look pretty darned impressive when you are finished. They make a nice gift, too.

I was really excited when they predicted rain for yesterday because I told Mr. FixIt the first rainy day of this trip would be our exploration day. Our first stop was Stack ‘em High…our favorite pancake place down here. As soon as we were adequately stuffed, we headed to our favorite antique store and browsed around. Again, I like to look…not buy. Unless it’s a good bargain on a quilt. That I will usually spring for. I love quilts.

When we finished at the antique store, we headed straight to Knitting Addiction. Mr. FixIt has learned to leave me to my own devices in a yarn shop because I love to walk around and feel the yarns, examine the contents, browse the patterns, and see what kind of new fibers and colors are available. I was happy as a clam. I chose several skeins and had a lovely chat with the shop owner. It pleased me to see her doing well after suffering a couple of big losses last year. Her partner and her beloved dog both passed. She had a new rescue dog…a sweet but slightly skittish mutt named Carolina Jane. Carolina came from an abusive home so she is quite leery of humans…especially men. This is her forever home and she is blossoming from all the love that is being showered on her every day.

There was a second yarn shop I didn’t know about further down the island, but the selection was much smaller. There was the addition of some cross stitch patterns featuring local attractions like lighthouses, but for some unexplainable reason, one corner was filled with kitchen stuff. I did buy two skeins of sock yarn there, as well.

I’m pretty much set for knitting material for the winter now. I wish I could knit really fast and get a bunch of socks made by Christmas, but I don’t see that happening. I love giving them away as gifts because they are always appreciated.

Today is our last full day at the beach. We usually drive home all in one day when we head back. It will be raining again today so we are heading to a lighthouse down the island from here. Mr. FixIt’s son-in-law passed away a year ago June and his ashes have been spread at the beach down there. We are going to pay our respects. Mr. FixIt is really good about visiting with people who have died so he will introduce me to George today. Then we will come back and start packing so we can get an early start tomorrow. The week flies way too fast when you come to the beach.

Oh, and don’t forget to set your clocks back tonight! If not, you’re going to be sitting in the parking lot at the church for an hour in the morning. ❤️

“And do not forget to do good and to share with others, for with such sacrifices God is pleased.” Hebrews 13:16 NIV

The Three C’s...Chickens, Coffee, & Clouds

Fri, 02 Nov 2018 01:30:57 -0600

“What honeymoon is complete without chickens?!”

Ok, just when I think the days couldn’t be more perfect here on the OBX, along came an even MORE perfect one. Yesterday’s temperature climbed up into the 70’s! Oh, rest my heart. We had another lazy morning with bacon and eggs. I took my coffee out on the deck and lounged in the morning sunshine. Midday, Mr. FixIt suggested we go for a long walk on the beach. I’m ALWAYS game for more beach time!

As we left the house, “Henrietta” here came to see if we had any chicken treats. She and her two companions live at the house next door and they roam around the neighborhood. They come running when they hear the rustling of a bag! Mr. FixIt just happened to have peanuts in his pocket and they were a huge hit with our little feathered friend.

“Coffee in the morning sun.”

Mr. FixIt didn’t fish yesterday so there was no lugging of chairs and poles and tackle in a rolling cart to the beach. Instead, we took a blanket to sit on. We walked a long way. (Much longer than that health app said, I’m sure.) We talked to other fishers to see if they were having any luck. They were about like us. A few here and there. But there was general consensus that fishing on the OBX…even when the fish aren’t biting…beats the heck out of working. Amen!

We went north on the beach yesterday so we could spread out our blanket and watch the surfers. There were four adolescent boys in wetsuits out trying to outdo each other. One was obviously more experienced than the others and he made it look so easy. There was one younger boy who really struggled and we were somewhat concerned for him Mr. FixIt said it looked like maybe he had succumbed to some peer pressure. We kept an eye on the young man and eventually he made it back to the beach.

“Autumn sky over the OBX”

It was siesta time when we got back. I made hot chicken sandwiches and potato salad for supper. A few hands of rummy and it was time to write while Mr. FixIt watched some television. When we went out on the deck at sundown, he wrapped his arms around me as the salty breeze whipped through our hair.

“This is the best honeymoon. It was the best wedding. It is the best life!”

I sighed and leaned against him.

Amen, my love. Amen! ❤️

“And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.” 1 Corinthians 13:13 NIV

This is How We Honeymoon

Thu, 01 Nov 2018 01:30:21 -0600

“Got to the sound just in time to catch the kiteboarders framed by the sunset!”

Yesterday was so wonderful! After a nice breakfast, we headed out to the beach. It was in the low 60’s but the wind didn’t pick up till around 3:30 or 4:00. Mr. FixIt fished all afternoon while I finished knitting a pair of socks. He only caught two little sheepshead…a perch-like fish. We didn’t learn until later that they have teeth that look human! Darn…maybe we’ll catch another one today!

When we came in from the beach, I made a pot of spaghetti with sauce and garlic bread. There will be plenty of time to watch our diet when we get home. This is our honeymoon! After dinner, we chased the sunset and found a little cove on the sound where we could park and watch the kite boarders. There were four of them circling around and around as a photographer worked from the water. They were all wearing wetsuits because the water is getting pretty cool. The sunset was spectacular with the kites flying in the foreground.

Afterwards, we enjoyed an ice cream cone.

Yes…the Outer Banks is great! I think we’ll just stay on a permanent honeymoon! ❤️

“Now that you have purified yourselves by obeying the truth so that you have sincere love for each other, love one another deeply, from the heart.

1 Peter 1:22 NIV

Photographic Memories

Wed, 31 Oct 2018 01:30:08 -0600

“Fishing on the OBX”

Mr. Virgo was quite the photographer. He left me with so many beautiful photos that he took of wildlife. Not to mention so many of the beautiful places we visited together. I cherish those. I really have so few photos of him. It seems he was always the one behind the lens.

It reminds me of a morning shortly after we were married. I was in the bathroom getting ready for the day. My hair was a mess, I hadn’t brushed my teeth or washed my face. I was just standing there looking at my reflection in the mirror…white robe tucked around me, half-lidded eyes, in desperate need for coffee. The house was still. I wondered where he was, when…..click.

He looked up from the viewfinder with such a sweet smile on his face when I whirled around…fire in my eyes. I gave him a short “OMGosh! What are you doing? I’m a mess!” I immediately regretted that when I saw the crestfallen look on his face…the hurt in his eyes.

He rarely took photos of me after that. And certainly not impromptu, candid shots that I wasn’t prepared for. It wasn’t till he was gone that I realized it went so much deeper than just snapping a photo.

He thought I was beautiful.

He saw my beauty when all I could see were flaws. I denied him the pleasure of capturing something he loved to see. Of doing something he loved to do.

I learned from that. I’ve learned that if my sweet Mr. FixIt turns the camera in my direction I won’t care what I look like because he sees something I have learned to see for myself these last five or so years. He sees the lines on my face that mean I have had so many opportunities in my life to smile. He sees depth in my eyes that comes from love and loss. He sees silver in my hair that says I’m a wiser woman than I was with Mr. Virgo.

Please don’t fuss when someone wants to take your picture. They want to capture what THEY see…what THEY want to remember about you. Let them. Give them that gift. Unless you’re doing a photo shoot for Vogue, which I very much doubt, what harm is there in messy hair or bleary eyes? They see you through the soft lens of love. What a beautiful thing is that? ❤️

“You are altogether beautiful, my love; there is no flaw in you.” The Song of Solomon 4:7 ESV

#Grief & #Love

Tue, 30 Oct 2018 01:30:02 -0600

“Mr. FixIt fishing on the Outer Banks.”

This man. This love. There was a tipping point in my grief. That point where you cross a raging river and the bridge collapses after you. You can’t go back. And, once you’ve lived in the new place a while, you know things have changed in your heart. That other place isn’t your home anymore. This is where you belong. Where you were meant to be. The whole exercise made possible because of the sum of your experiences.

Do I wish Mr. Virgo hadn’t died? Of course I do. But I live in this world now. This life. This is the phoenix rising.

This man. This love. ❤️

“Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God.” 1 John 4:7 ESV

The Beginnings of a New Life

Mon, 29 Oct 2018 01:30:10 -0600

“Shadows on the seashore!”

Yesterday was a MUCH better driving day. It was sunny and the temperature was in the low 60’s. There were big, puffy white clouds till we got near the coast. Then the sky was a wide open expanse of clear blue. There was a little breeze but it was truly lovely. The colors were nice on the way down. What traffic we encountered was quite manageable.

We stopped at the Walmart as soon as we got on the island then drove the hour south to Waves, NC. We checked in then found our rental house. It took many trips to get everything upstairs. Once we had everything unloaded and put away, I made a cold supper of sandwiches and potato salad. We went for a long walk on the beach and hoped for a pretty sunset. But, it isn’t dramatic when there are no clouds.

The rental house is huge! Far bigger than two people need. But Mr. FixIt is an excellent deal finder and the house is less per week than most hotels. You can see both the ocean and the sound from the deck. And there are no kids running up and down the halls, slamming doors, stomping feet upstairs, or toilets flushing all night. This time of year is very peaceful and quiet here on Hatteras Island. Being the brilliant man that he is, Mr. FixIt purchased the trip insurance offer at the time of reservation in case of a hurricane. I told him as long as we had it, we were sure to not need it…but, if we didn’t? Who knows?

I am so blessed to have this week in such a beautiful place with such a wonderful person. My cup runneth over. ❤️

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28 NIV

Trick or Treat!

Sun, 28 Oct 2018 01:30:13 -0600

“Trick or Treat…I’m writing!”

Ok, I’m writing on my honeymoon. There is a reason other than I am absolutely addicted to writing. I was worried that not producing an essay every day as I usually do would cause Facebook’s algorithms to kick in and negatively affect my circulation. And it did. I went from being sent to nearly 2,000 pages to less than 500 in only three days. I have worked so hard to keep my statistics up so that my social media platform is appealing to a publisher. I really can’t let those algorithms tank all the hard work I’ve put in over the last five years.

That being said, we’re only three days into the honeymoon and SO much has happened I just HAD to write. It’s like calling your best friend and filling them in!

The first day, we met up with our friends, Dianne and Bobby. They followed us to Morgantown and, even though it was 42 degrees, we had a blast watching the Mountaineers trounce Baylor, 58 to 14! There was a tragedy at the game, however. During the first quarter, a 49-year-old fan got into a verbal altercation with some people sitting near him. Then, for some unknown reason, he ran to the top of the stadium, climbed the wall, and purposefully jumped over the top falling 60-70 feet to the cement walkway below. At this time, I believe he is still in ICU. It is an absolute miracle that he survived the fall.

We rode to the game from the hotel in our friend’s car. Parking is hard to come by on game day and the people who live near the stadium turn their front yards into impromptu parking lots. At $20 a car, some of them are making $200-400 per home game…football AND basketball. Not a bad side job! We parked in this nice lady’s yard and STILL walked over half a mile to the stadium.

On our way back to the hotel, traffic was terrible and it took well over an hour to get back to the highway. I-69 is crazy and people drive bumper to bumper, three lanes across, at 65-70mph. My heart was in my throat as I sat in the back seat with Dianne. All of a sudden, I heard Bobby yell, “Deer!” I looked over his shoulder in time to see a buck spinning in the roadway directly in front of us and he had no choice but to run right over it. They have a Dodge that sits low to the ground and the impact ripped both the front and back bumpers and a plastic splash guard from underneath that was dragging. We made it back to the hotel and the guys went out and ripped off the broken piece that was dragging. At this point, all the restaurants were closed so we went to a 24-hour WalMart and bought some food, came back the hotel, and ate. We didn’t get to sleep till 2:30 in the morning. Thank you, God…for seeing us safely through such challenges!

Friday morning dawned with a chilly, gray sky and light rain. We headed out around 11:00. Our first destination was Colonial Williamsburg. We programmed in the address of the hotel we found…an old Howard Johnson that was clean, safe, quiet, and CHEAP! It was only $59.99 a night…unheard of in that area. Mr. FixIt had mapped out a route that would get us to Williamsburg in about five-and-a-half hours, avoiding DC like the plague. Now, here’s where we both made a tactical error. I programmed in the address of the hotel, and neither of us double-checked the route against an atlas…something we ALWAYS would have done. But, it was our honeymoon and we were busy laughing and talking and telling stories. Before we knew it, traffic was getting really heavy and we took a closer look at where we were. Yup. Washington, DC. Friday night. Rush hour. Only…NOW we were in the middle of a nor’easter and it was getting dark. A trip that should have taken just over five hours ended up taking nearly eleven. We were absolutely fried by the time we got to the hotel.

Yesterday, we slept in then headed to the breakfast place we went to in the spring when we were on our way home from the beach…Capital Pancakes. It was still good. But not AS good as we remembered it. Then we headed to Colonial Williamsburg and walked a good four miles touring the historic buildings and gardens on the sprawling grounds. This weekend they expected five thousand kids last night and another five thousand tonight…along with their parents…for a big costume parade, Trick or Treating, and live music. The decorations were great fun and the kids were all SO cute dressed in their costumes.

We stopped at a deli on the way home to a so-so meal and vegged out all evening. Today we head to the BEACH!

So, ok…you’re coming along. A little. I’ve got to keep up those numbers…and I can’t NOT WRITE! It’s part of who I am now. We are having fun, but we’ll be especially glad to get to the beach house and just chill out for a week. Hope you hare having a great weekend! ❤️

“In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, Lord, make me dwell in safety.” Psalm 4:8 NIV

Stress + Tired = Attitude

Wed, 24 Oct 2018 01:30:21 -0600

“The tongue can wreak havoc in any relationship.”

What do you get when you mix two tired people working hard to meet a deadline? Well, sometimes you get a snarky remark and an even snarkier comeback. Neither of which are constructive or useful. How many times have I written that the tongue can wreak havoc in a relationship? Yet, there I was…Queen of the Snarky Retort.

I knew right away I didn’t speak life into the situation. And I immediately went to Mr. FixIt and apologized. Sincerely.

While this has been a wonderful time with the wedding and all, it’s also been stressful trying to get everything done and we are both desperately looking forward to our time away.

It’s perfectly normal to have moments of frustration when you’re living in close proximity with another human. How you deal with differences says a lot in how successful your relationship will be. Admitting your weaknesses, asking forgiveness, and praying for guidance goes a long way toward maintaining harmony in the home. If you fight, you need to fight fair.

Mr. FixIt is an extremely easygoing man. He has been understanding when I write every night. He’s a TV watcher. I am a writer. We do our own thing after dinner and reconnect later. That being said, we are about to embark on our honeymoon. And as much as I love you all, and as much as writing is the same as breathing for me, I’ve decided y’all are just going to have to sit this one out. I’m going to schedule a scripture to post everyday while we are gone so you have something to ponder. Please feel free to talk amongst yourselves here on my blog. I love when you all interact and support one another.

I’ll be back on Election Day! ❤️

“In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry,” Ephesians 4:26 NIV

My West Virginia Sisters

Tue, 23 Oct 2018 01:30:37 -0600

“My West Virginia sisters.”

I didn’t have a sister growing up. I had girl cousins that meant the world to me. I had sister friends in high school that were very important to me. Then life got in the way and I lived in England for two years, then Colorado for forty. Sometimes I would see high school friends when I came to WV for family visit. And we would touch base and reminisce at high school reunions. But it wasn’t until I moved back home that I developed a tight network of girlfriends who are as close as family.

When I first returned to my hometown, I asked a friend how often the girls get together for coffee…assuming they, like me, gathered with other women at least monthly…if not weekly. I was dismayed when I found out this wasn’t a “thing” here. I was sad for all those potential relationships that had fallen by the wayside. I thought of all the events in a lifetime that hadn’t been shared…all the times when support was needed that only a really good girlfriend can provide. So, I set out to introduce my gal pals to the joys of coffee.

Not coffee, literally…but “coffee” as in a gathering for talk therapy and laughter and sharing and support. I’m happy to say we get together monthly at a historic hotel and kibbutz. We have become so close and we all look forward to seeing each other at least once a month. Sometimes more.

I was thrilled so many of our classmates could come to our wedding. And to have the ‘71 Divas join us was icing on the proverbial cake. Our photographer, Elizabeth Adams, had so much fun taking our pictures and she did an excellent job in capturing the joy and love and laughter of the day. Here’s my favorite picture of me and the Divas admiring my turquoise boots. What a hoot! I love these gals! ❤️

“Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm.” Proverbs 13:20 NIV

A Whirlwind Week

Sat, 20 Oct 2018 01:30:05 -0600

“Our photographer know how to capture love and joy!”

I can’t believe it’s been a week since the wedding! So much has happened this week with the cleanup and the funeral and more cleanup! Our friends came by yesterday to get their quilts and extension cords we borrowed. I vacuumed the pool, cleaned house, covered the hay, emptied the truck, made a quiche for supper. And…I got more wedding pictures. I spent all evening playing with them so I didn’t get much else done.

“Our cross.”

I need to get both campers dumped and winterized this weekend. We need to winterize the pool and get the last of the burn pile finished so we can mulch the area with grass seed and hay. We have to mulch the new dogwood tree Mr. FixIt planted for me this summer. There are gutters to be cleaned and trees and brush to be cut and hauled. All before Thursday when we leave for our honeymoon! I’m tired just thinking of it.

“Happiness is dancing with your new husband!”

So, in the meantime, here are some more wedding photos to enjoy! ❤️

“The lucky penny for my shoe, and something old/something new…the blue topaz earrings Daughter #2 gave me years ago.”

“Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters,”

Colossians 3:23 NIV

A Beautiful Day

Fri, 19 Oct 2018 01:30:08 -0600

“On our way home yesterday, I caught a glimpse of the wind turbines atop a ridge near Elkins. It was an incredibly beautiful day.”

The last two days were perfectly beautiful in the mountains of West Virginia. We left home around 11:00am Wednesday and got to our motel room an hour before the viewing. We hadn’t eaten since early so we went looking for something to eat after the viewing. You have three choices in the little, tiny town of Petersburg…Subway, Pizza Hut, and McDonald’s. We drove fifteen miles to Moorefield, hoping for a restaurant but found nothing we were willing to try. We we ended up buying some sandwich fixings at Food Lion and had a picnic back at the room.

There was no cell service and no WiFi at the motel which was fine by me. I wrote and scheduled Wednesday’s and Thursday’s posts Tuesday night in anticipation of being off the grid. It was really chilly when we got back to the room so I took a hot bath, bundled up, and got under the blankets and caught up with a week’s worth of devotionals. There were four channels on the TV so we turned it off and fell sound asleep by 9:30! Unheard of for us.

The funeral was yesterday at 11:00am. It was a very nice service. They played some songs…Elvis singing Amazing Grace…One Day at a Time. And one other I’ll share with you here.

Theirs was a love story, through and through. My uncle told me the first time he set eyes on my aunt, he was smitten. There was a lot going on in 1956. My Uncle Sonny was killed in a plane crash in 1955. Not long after, my Aunt Rosie got married. So, Uncle Dudley and Aunt Viv decided to elope to Oakland, Maryland and get married…in the same place my grandma and grandpa eloped to. Well, when they came home and told everyone…let’s just say, grandma wasn’t very happy about it. She loved Aunt Viv. She just wanted a wedding.

That was the start of 62 years of devotion. I remember their love as being full of fun and laughter and playfulness. I sat behind him at the funeral and when they played this song, he bowed his head. His shoulders shook slightly from his silent tears. The only other time I remember him crying was when I called to tell him Mr. Virgo died. It broke my heart.

As they played “Love, Me” by Colin Raye, I listened to the lyrics and realized the song was about their love. And I cried along with him. For broken hearts. For lost loves.

The funeral procession wound its way through the hills and countryside till the terrain opened into an expansive valley. We turned left and climbed the hill to the tent that was erected over her grave. My uncle had just purchased these plots last week. They had decided over the years they really didn’t like the cemetery where they had purchased plots years ago but they just hadn’t gotten around to getting the new ones. Oh, my! The view was absolutely stunning. My aunt rests high on a hillside overlooking magnificent farmland. Black angus cattle dot the landscape in the verdant green fields. The hardwoods of the forests surrounding the valley were just beginning to hint of the glorious burst of color coming in the next two weeks.

Afterwards, we gathered at the fellowship hall at the church and had one of those wonderful meals country church women fix after a funeral. Hearty, comfort food and lots of love flowed around those tables and we left reminded we are family. Our bonds run as deep as the cool springs in these Appalachian hills. The blood of our shared ancestors keep us connected far beyond the pages of Facebook. We promised to keep in touch with those we seldom see. We promised to bring something special to this year’s Thanksgiving dinner.

Mr. FixIt and I drove quietly through the hills, holding hands…our minds no doubt remembering we aren’t newlyweds at 25 and 26. We are newlyweds at 65 and 66. Our time together won’t be 62 years…but what time we DO have will be filled with fun and laughter and playfulness…just like my aunt and uncle’s marriage. I’m grateful for their example. I’m grateful for the opportunity to love like them. I’m just grateful for every day.

youtu.be/arzlGTw8v…

❤️

“Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a worker who does not need to be ashamed and who correctly handles the word of truth.”

2 Timothy 2:15 NIV

Here Comes the Bride

Wed, 17 Oct 2018 01:30:13 -0600

“One of my favorite moments…locking eyes with a fellow widow whom I mentored…knowing we BOTH have found our second-chance loves.”

It all went so fast. Here we are, just a few days after the wedding and I don’t remember all the details. That happens to every bride, I think. You throw so much into the planning, and so many last minute details happen the day of the wedding. Friends and family came at 2:00 to help me get ready. The ceremony was at 4:00. The girls were still messing with my hair when I asked the time. 3:20! I still hadn’t put on make up or dressed!

I don’t wear a lot of make up ordinarily…and when I do, it’s not much. Throwing that on was no big deal. I slipped on my boots and my new daughter and granddaughter helped me into my dress. In no time at all, I was ready. The music wasn’t. I told them I didn’t care…I’d walk out singing “Here Comes the Bride” if I had to…I was ready….REALLY ready!

They helped me out to the tent…one carrying my train…the other hoping for the music to start. And, it did! Just as I got to the tent, I looked up and there was my sweet friend, Deneene. She was one of what looked like a whole sea of smiles and cell phones pointed at me. I looked at her with a knowing smile. You see, Deneene was referred to me when she was a relatively new widow herself. I was a couple of years ahead of her. I mentored her for the next couple of years. I was for her what I wished I’d had. Someone who had recently walked the path and could relate. Someone who could say this is perfectly normal. Someone to hold out a hand…not to pat it, but to offer a lift up. Then, Deneene met HER new love. And we walked this new territory together. She caught that knowing look in this picture. I think it is one of my favorites. Because I’m looking at another widow in love. I’m looking at my friend that helped me as much as I helped her. I’m looking at hope and joy and strength and perseverance and courage and reflecting it all back.

We all are nothing more than the sum of our life experiences. I was ready to marry…every time I married. But I didn’t know then what I know now. Now I know what love is. I know how fragile life is. I know how to face the unimaginable and still live. I know how to live alone when it’s impossible to breathe. I know how rare it is to find someone so incredibly compatible. I know SO much more than I knew when I married Mr. Virgo. This man, this love, this marriage will reap the benefits of that knowledge and experience. I am so grateful to be where I am today. It is only through God’s grace and love that I found my way through the darkness. There may still be darkness ahead…but now there is hope. ❤️

“And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen.”

1 Peter 5:10-11 NIV

The Harder Side of Love

Tue, 16 Oct 2018 01:30:19 -0600

“This is what true love looks like.”

“Love bears all things [regardless of what comes], believes all things [looking for the best in each one], hopes all things [remaining steadfast during difficult times], endures all things [without weakening].” 1 CORINTHIANS 13:7 AMP

I received a call Sunday that my sweet Aunt Viv crossed over to meet our Lord. Aunt Viv has always had a heart of gold. I remember her holding Daughter #2 on her lap and singing “Jesus Loves Me” to her when she was just a bitty thing.

Aunt Viv met my Uncle “Dudley” when they were in high school. She was a majorette. He was on the football team. They both had excellent role models growing up and their marriage was built to last. Like my grandparents, my aunt and uncle sit beside each other and hold hands. It’s precious to see.

As Aunt Viv slid further and further into dementia, I encouraged my uncle to at least consider respite care so he could get some sleep. The last two years have been terribly difficult and he often went for days on very little sleep. They did finally get some help in the form of home health care, but he pooh-poohed the idea of placing his sweetheart somewhere other than the home they built together.

The other night I was having my quiet meditation time. I read my devotionals and had a quiet conversation with God.

“Lord, I am about to be married again. There were times in my past marriages when I wasn’t very good to my husband. Can you help me be a better wife? Can you show me what that means?”

Immediately this picture popped into my head and I went through my phone to find it. Suddenly, I had this brilliant insight. Here I was, encouraging my uncle to send his beloved wife away when God was using him to show us all what true, Godly love looks like. He was showing us what “in sickness and in health” really means. I was humbled and ashamed. I immediately wanted to hug my sweet uncle and thank him for being the excellent role model he was and to apologize for ever speaking to him in such a way. What an amazing, strong man.

This is not to say there is anything wrong with people who make the difficult choice to put their loved one in a nursing home. Everyone has their own beliefs and abilities and no one should ever be made to feel guilty for having made that decision. It takes a lot out of a person to do what my uncle has done. I hate that he is so worn down. But I love that he stuck by his bride and held her hand for sixty-two years…right to the end. I think there will be an extra star in his crown when he joins her one day. ❤️

Last Love

Mon, 15 Oct 2018 01:30:30 -0600

“My sweet love…my last love.”

I was talking to Mr. FixIt sometime over the last few weeks as we were planning the wedding. I told him this was my last wedding and I wanted it to be very special while maintaining a reasonable budget. He looked at me and said, “Don’t say that. You don’t know that this is your last. Something could happen to me and I wouldn’t want you to be alone.” Of course, after losing Mr. Virgo, I’m fully aware I could lose this wonderful man. It’s part of the hesitancy I felt in the beginning about getting married. I was afraid I’d jinx it.

I can tell you honestly, though…I have no intention of ever marrying again. This is my darling. My “silver love”. My last love. My forever love. This one. It’s not that I didn’t feel that with my other spouses. You never enter a marriage with the thought it won’t last. It never really came to the forefront of my mind that Mr. Virgo would actually up and die on me. Certainly I never had a clear picture of what that would look like.

I may not have been Mr. Virgo’s first love…but I was his last.

And, for me…Mr. FixIt is my last love. No matter what. How could I possibly top this? ❤️

“Where God’s love is, there is no fear, because God’s perfect love drives out fear. It is punishment that makes a person fear, so love is not made perfect in the person who fears.” 1 John 4:18 NCV

Sparkles and Sunshine

Sat, 13 Oct 2018 01:30:02 -0600

“My fancy earrings from Daughter #2…perfect for the wedding!”

“Always be humble, gentle, and patient, accepting each other in love. You are joined together with peace through the Spirit, so make every effort to continue together in this way.” Ephesians 4:2-3 NCV

Our good friends, Dianne and Bobby came over to the Ponderosa yesterday and helped us decorate the tent for the wedding. We moved the forty bails of hay and made rows of seating. We strung five hundred white twinkle lights above. We set up the serving tables and hung the cross at the front. We have the extra bales out front and I finally found a use for these two pieces of rustic decorative fencing I’ve had for years. The quilts are all in plastic tubs to keep from gathering moisture. The pulled pork goes in a slow oven in the morning and the fried chicken goes in the smoker to heat up.

The soft drinks and water are already in the big galvanized washtubs chilling outdoors overnight and ice will be added in the afternoon. My sweet friend Deneene came from South Carolina and arrived at 4:30. We went to town to fill up two big propane tanks for TOW-Wanda because I ran out of propane in the middle of the night. It was REALLY cold by morning! We dropped the tanks back off at the Ponderosa then we went to the farm to get Mr. FixIt’s white dinner jacket. As I was leaving I saw my mom’s quilt peeking out from under a stack of linens and grabbed it. I also brought the big box of fireworks we bought for the wedding.

And now, the day is here. I found a bag with a bunch of jewelry in it when I was at the farm yesterday. Last night I was showing my friend Deneene something in the bag and ran across these earrings. Daughter #2 bought me these for Christmas many years ago. I never had an occasion to wear time so they have been tucked away in a safe place…just waiting for the most special occasion. I sent my daughter this picture and asked if she remembered these. I told her I finally have a special occasion to wear them. You’re supposed to have something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue. I haven’t borrowed anything yet, but the center stone in these earrings is the palest ice blue topaz, they’re old in that I’ve had them for years and they’re new in that I have never worn them. My daughter said that made her all fuzzy inside. I wish my girls could be here. But we will celebrate when we get to Colorado next.

Today! TODAY!!! I’m marrying my best friend today. The sweetest man on the planet. I’ve never been more ready, more prepared.

“Thank you, Jesus…for every gift, every blessing, every friend and family member. Bless those who cannot join us today. Bless my cousin Tom and his wife Suzy as he fights the ravages of mesothelioma. Bless my Uncle Bud and cousins as they sit with their wife and mother as she inches toward her final journey home. And Bless all these wonderful people who come here to read about how You impact my life. Lord, thank you for the gift of love from Mr. Virgo. Thank you for letting lightning strike twice and bringing me Mr FixIt. This is a love affair for the ages!

And, as always…To God be the Glory.

Amen”

❤️

The Side Effects of Obedience

Fri, 12 Oct 2018 01:30:03 -0600

“Sunset over the Ponderosa.”

“And love means living the way God commanded us to live. As you have heard from the beginning, his command is this: Live a life of love.” 2 John 1:6 NCV

I went to small group from church last night. We have a fall series and a spring series of meetings. There are different groups to fill different needs and we are all encouraged to join a small group. In a huge church, it’s difficult to feel a bond with individual members of the church family. Small group gives us the chance to make friends, learn from God’s Word, and experience fellowship. I love the gals in my small group. We always have great discussions and we always share praises and prayers at the end.

It’s been four weeks since Mr. FixIt and I decided to get married and set the date. Four weeks since I made the decision to live separately from him till the wedding. Even though I came back to the Ponderosa last week, I’ve been staying in TOW-Wanda. I was chatting with the gals at small group about it and got to thinking on the drive home about how this exercise has changed me.

First…I just FEEL different. It’s hard to describe. I feel honorable. Obedient. Peaceful. Good…in that good way you feel when you have done the right thing. It wasn’t easy. And it wasn’t necessarily comfortable. Some didn’t understand why I was doing this. That offered me the opportunity to share. I’ve had the opportunity to pray with others over this. I have even been an example to one woman who had a thought then heard my testimony and realized God was answering her question.

Sometimes the decision to be obedient to God has as much to do with the people in your path as it does to you yourself. God orchestrates our lives and places us where He needs us. We miss the opportunity to experience the blessings from that if we choose to ignore the prodding, the poking, the whispering of the Holy Spirit. I’m really glad I’ve done this. It has given our wedding a new depth and meaning.

The whole time I lived here before this, Mr. FixIt always talked about this being “our house”. And, while we did make some changes and redecorated, try as I might…I couldn’t get past considering it HIS house. Now, one of the side effects of my obedience is seeing this place as our home. Not HIS house…our HOME. Big difference.

Yesterday was rainy and we just did some things around the house. I picked up my wedding band from the jeweler. It is purposefully different. When I tried it on, my mind flashed back to my last wedding band. I smiled.

Mr. FixIt shampooed carpets. I took the pulled pork out of the freezer and put it into the fridge in the garage to thaw. We sat down and made some lists. We have friends coming today to help decorate the tent and whatever else we need to do. Mr. FixIt will go to town and pick up some food items we need for the reception. I have to run to the farm because we left his white dinner jacket out there.

We are organized. We are (fairly) rested and relaxed. And, we are SO excited!

OMGosh! You guys….TOMORROW!!!!! ❤️

Thanking God

Thu, 11 Oct 2018 01:30:34 -0600

“The wedding tent!”

“Everything God made is waiting with excitement for God to show his children’s glory completely.” Romans 8:19 NCV

I hadn’t even had my coffee yesterday morning when I heard the diesel dually pull into the driveway just beyond TOW-Wanda’s door. I felt a thrill in my veins.

“They’re here!” I thought. “The tent men are here.”

Sure enough, two guys in a pickup with a great big tent rolled up in the back were waiting for directions as to where to erect said structure. I walked out in the field and showed him the site Mr. FixIt and I had chosen the night before. I want the tent positioned so people turning in from the main road will have a straight on view.

It wasn’t 30 minutes and they had the tent up. They forgot to bring the sides to protect from the rain, so the owner of the tent company brought them later. I was thrilled to see him. You see, Andy grew up two houses from me. I am ten years older than him but I remember him as a little boy. His dad used to have a little carnival and concession business that turned into a tent rental enterprise. When I was a little girl, Andy’s dad used to store his carnival rides in the yard behind their house. He had a cotton candy machine on the back porch. Sometimes he would start it up and give all the neighborhood kids free cotton candy. It was a pleasure to visit with Andy and talk about the old days in the neighborhood.

The tent hadn’t been up two hours when it started raining. We were going to decorate the tent but it was too wet. I went to town for my final fitting and brought the dress home with me! It’s hanging here in TOW-Wanda. It’s supposed to rain all day today. I’m looking forward to a lay low day of doing nothing. Mr. FixIt and I are exhausted. We need to rest up for the two days ahead!

Thursday…Friday….SATURDAY!!! ❤️

Rustic Wedding

Wed, 10 Oct 2018 01:30:24 -0600

“Hay bale seating with comfy quilts for a rustic wedding.”

“Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.” Colossians 3:23-24 NIV

The first rustic wedding I ever attended was my cousin’s oldest daughter’s. It was lovely. I stole the idea of using hay bales for seating from her, with her blessing. I’ve been on the hunt for quilts the last couple of weeks to lay over the hay bales and I’ve found enough, I think. I was rummaging around in some tubs and found some quilts I’d forgotten I even had. This one has a story.

There was once a time in my life when I was downright agoraphobic. I could go to work and I could go shopping, with some discomfort. But to go “out”…to stretch my boundaries and go someplace alone was way too much for me. I would be sick for three days before I traveled anywhere just fretting about it. I’m not sure why or how I got that way but it took quite a while to get over it.

I started by taking off by myself in WV when I went home in the summers for a visit. I knew WV. I was comfortable there. One summer, my older daughter was visiting her father in Kentucky and Hubby #2 was in medical school. I had saved up all year to go see my family and while I was there, I went on a little three day road trip. I was driving in the southern part of the state when I saw a sign for Hinton, WV. There was a railroad museum and a few antique stores so I took the exit and meandered on the backroads of WV till I found myself in a dusty little town on the banks of the New River. Most of downtown Hinton was placed on the National Register of Historic Places in 1984. It reached its peak population in 1930 with 6,654, according to the census. The population has steadily dwindled over the years till the year 2016 recorded 2,469 living souls inhabiting this bucolic little burg.

I stopped at the only shop open that rainy summer afternoon. The old railroad station was a thrift and antique store. My collecting passion at that time was quilts and there was a lovely wedding ring baby quilt hanging on the wall. It was done in soft pastels and the stitching was really rough. But something about it spoke to me. It had a little hand-printed tag with a woman’s name and the price. I can’t remember now how much I paid for it but I’d be surprised if it was over fifty dollars, given that Hubby #2 was in medical school and money was scarce.

I asked the sales clerk if she could take down the quilt so I could get a closer look. What I thought was just “rough” quilting looked more like a young child had done it. I nearly told the clerk to put it back but that quilt kept speaking to me. I asked her if she knew the woman whose name was on the tag. Was she the quilter?

“Oh, that would be Miss Nellie,” she said. “She’s an old, black woman that lives in a cabin back up the holler yonder.” She pointed in a general direction off somewhere to the south. “She’s blind, don’t you know!”

“Really? And she made this quilt?” I asked. I ran my fingers over the rough stitches, the pieces all puckered. “How does she do that?”

“Well, her granddaughter cuts the pattern and sets the pieces out on the dining room table. Then Miss Nellie sews them by hand, one by one, feeling for the next shape to fit in. She’s been quilting all her life so it’s her fingers that ‘see’ the work,” the clerk explained.

It was such a piece of American Folk Art, I had to have it. That quilt hung over our bed for a very long time. Over the years, it’s been toted and packed and moved and somehow it got wet. There are stains I can’t remove, but that just seems to add to its charm. This will be one of the quilts that graces a seat at our wedding on Saturday. I’ll picture Miss Nellie in her best Sunday-go-Meetin’ dress, her cracked patent leather handbag resting on her lap…a hanky clasped in one hand. I’m sure weddings made her cry. She is surely long gone now. She was ninety one when she made this quilt.

They are delivering the tent today. Our longtime friends, Dianne and Bobby are coming over to help us decorate. The hay will be under cover for the hard rain we are expecting tomorrow. My final fitting for my dress is this afternoon. I am meeting a friend for coffee and a little visit first. She has some quilts for me to use.

The grandkids were over yesterday and while I worked inside and visited with our granddaughter and great granddaughter, her husband was out with Mr. FixIt moving the woodpile that refused to burn. They hauled it down to the end of the field along the fence line in the woods near the old apple tree. They loaded the trailer up with more junk to take to the scrap yard today. They cut down trees around the building and piled the second brush pile a little more compactly and set it ablaze. It’s almost gone now. We had burgers and sat out by the pool as the sunset cast shades from hot pink to salmon to yellow-gold in the sky above us. A day well-worked is a day well-lived.

The place looks SO much better. I told Mr. FixIt there comes a point when he has to say enough is enough. And you know what? It’s going to rain tomorrow so God is going to force him inside to take a day of rest before things get exciting Friday! Wednesday-Thursday-Friday….

SATURDAY!!!

It’s almost here!!! ❤️

A Perfect Autumn Day

Mon, 08 Oct 2018 01:30:21 -0600

“Old tractor on a perfect autumn day in WV.”

“O clap your hands, all you people; Shout to God with the voice of triumph and songs of joy.” PSALM 47:1 AMP

What an amazing day. First was the message at church. We had a guest pastor preach a few weeks ago and I didn’t get to go. They replayed his sermon yesterday and I am telling you...I was dumbfounded. I sat with my hand clasped over my mouth through most of it because he was speaking directly to me. Have you ever had that happen? You have a set of things bothering you and you go to church and God speaks to your heart...directly addressing that thing, that ONE thing that has troubled you or you’ve been dragging around. That was yesterday. It hit SO many points, I’m still processing it. I’ll talk more about that when I get it figured out.

After church, we went to a produce market and bought some pumpkins and gourds for decorating then we came home and picked up the utility trailer and headed way out in the hills to pick up two pickup loads and a trailer full of hay bales. Forty in all. I think that should be enough for seating in the tent. I took some really cool photos at the hay dudes farm. Such a nice young man. His dad had bought the farm from his grandma when she became sick. Then, just a few months after his grandma died, his dad died in an accident and he inherited the farm at the age of twenty-eight. He’s a clean-cut, hardworking young man and I really liked him.

I’ve come up with six more quilts. The hunt is still on!

SIX DAYS!!!!! ❤️

The Glory of Love

Sun, 07 Oct 2018 01:30:18 -0600

“Sunset over the Ponderosa.”

“Therefore, since we have these [great and wonderful] promises, beloved, let us cleanse ourselves from everything that contaminates body and spirit, completing holiness [living a consecrated life--a life set apart for God’s purpose] in the fear of God.” 2 CORINTHIANS 7:1 AMP

What beautiful sunsets we get to see here on the Ponderosa! I was just heading back in the house after dining al fresco with Mr. FixIt when I notice the light changing. I turned around and caught this. With the hill behind the house, we don’t catch the setting sun itself. However, if there are clouds, you can catch the reflection and oftentimes it is so stunning it takes you breath away.

I got a bit of a late start this morning and by the time I got out to clean the smoker, it was already 88 degrees. Sitting in the sun scrubbing furiously is all it took to knock me down. I had to go lay down in the air conditioning in TOW-Wanda till it cooled off outside and I cooled off inside. We drove to town for a couple of things and picked up hamburger for supper. Mr. FixIt tried to burn the brush pile again and it just will not burn. Too green, too wet…who knows? Not sure what we’re going to do now with two charred piles of blackened brush. Some will burn…just not much. I finished the inside of the smoker at dark and will clean the racks tomorrow while Mr. FixIt bowls.

My good friend Diane hunted down some hay for me so we’re picking that up this afternoon after church. Now I’m on the hunt for some cutter quilts. A friend of mine told me where I might find some. Now it’s just a matter of having the time to go look. sigh

As you can see in the picture, TOW-Wanda is tucked in there under the maple tree by the building. I’m staying out there till the wedding. I am determined to see this through. A commitment is a commitment.

I’m looking forward to church today. I need the break…and the soothing calm I get from worshiping with our church family. I am not at all nervous about the wedding or marrying Mr. FixIt. There is just so much we would like to get done beforehand. We were talking as we drove to town last night. I suggested we go get massages before the wedding. Don’t you think that would be a lovely idea?

Six days!!!!! ❤️

Man Make Fire

Sat, 06 Oct 2018 01:30:27 -0600

“Mr. FixIt stirring the fire.”

“In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, Lord, make me dwell in safety.” Psalm 4:8 NIV

Yesterday was a long, l-o-n-g day. I put 44 pounds of pork butt in the smoker at noon and finally sat down at 9:00 with the pork off the bone and in the freezer and the dishes only half washed.

Mr. FixIt tried starting the brushfire at 5:00 and it didn’t start burning till 7:00. When I came out at 9:00, he had quite the blaze going so we pulled up a couple of chairs and relaxed. We haven’t had a fire all summer so this was really nice.

I’m telling you, there’s nothing like planning a wedding to get long-neglected chores finished on the ol’ homestead. I told him last night we should get married more often! He took a load of junk to the scrap yard and has the trailer ready to load up more today. The fellow who was supposed to get our hay bales for seating called last night to say he couldn’t find any. So…now to Plan B.

The one thing I used to tell the brides when I was helping them plan their weddings…go into the day knowing that it will not look exactly like you have pictured it every day since you were ten. You have to go with the flow. In that vein…I’ll just take a deep breath and remember it’s going to be beautiful. I’ll find hay somewhere! Or not. ❤️

Yeehaw...Bargains Galore!

Fri, 05 Oct 2018 01:30:53 -0600

“We’re keepin’ it country and serving smoked pulled pork sandwiches at our wedding reception.”

“It was Preparation Day, and the Sabbath was about to begin.” ‭‭Luke‬ ‭23:54‬ ‭NIV‬‬

I went yesterday to get my hair trimmed for the wedding. There is nothing worse than getting your bangs trimmed and finding they’re just that little bit too short for your liking, especially if there is something huge like a wedding soon. If you get them done the week before, at least you’ve become accustomed before the event. I’m happy to say, Michelle has only let me down once and that’s because I wasn’t paying attention. Now she makes sure we make eye contact when she asks if I want layers in my hair.

I picked up my boots from the shoe shop then went to Big Lots and bought a couple turquoise table clothes and a set of sheer curtains for decorating the tent. And I got some ribbons and things for a little garland idea I have. Then I met up with my small group for dinner instead of the usual bible study because the leader is out of town.

I’ve been very carefully watching the budget for the wedding. I want nice but reasonable. In keeping with that, I stopped at the store to buy forty pounds of pork butt. Pork butt and shoulder roasts are not expensive cuts of meat but with the proper preparation, they can knock your socks of while feeding a large crowd affordably. We decided to have smoked pulled pork sandwiches with coleslaw and potato chips. We’ll purchase some fried chicken for those who don’t like pork.

There are as many pulled pork recipes as there are pigs, I think. I’ve read several and, as usually, I will draw a little from this recipe and a little from that recipe till I get what I want. I read only how many pounds of pork to buy in order to feed the number in your crowd…in my case, 44 pounds for around eighty people. I priced the difference between buying individual ingredients and making my own rub or buying ready made and ready made won. I bought several jars of different varieties and will combine them to make my own. The same with barbecue sauce. I have no idea how much barbecue sauce we’ll use so I bout twelve bottles. I may not need to ever buy it again! All told, I was pleasantly surprised when the total at the grocery story was $136! I expected to pay twice that!

Today, I’ll heat up the smoker as I prepare the meat. We’ll go over the details of that tomorrow.

This is getting exciting, my friends!!! ❤️

Instant Gratification

Wed, 03 Oct 2018 01:30:13 -0600

“The only monarch butterfly I have seen in WV in the four years I’ve been back, and it was lying dead in the field. I was to harvest milkweed pods this year and try to bring some monarchs back.”

“I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.”
Ephesians 4:1-3 ESV

So, yesterday I told you I’m a “risk-taking storyteller”. I’m sure it’s no surprise to any of you who have been following me for some time if I tell you…I am also “Instant Gratification Girl”! If I can’t get it done yesterday, I’ve been known to pitch a hissy fit. Patience has never been my forte.

I stopped praying for patience a long time ago when I figured out God was sending me MANY situations in which to practice. I know I’m not fooling Him one bit, but I do thank Him for what little patience I DO have.

I may have told you this story before. I’ve told so many, it’s hard to remember. When I was a little girl, I desperately wanted a pair of black, patent leather Mary Janes. Mom took me to the shoe store and the only pair they had left was a half size too small. When my mom told the man we’d keep looking. I had a major meltdown. To my little overdramatic self, that meant I would NEVER, EVER get them! Mom caved and bought them for me and forced me to wear them for a month till I was broken of that behavior.

Well, maybe.

Monday evening, I went over to Mr. FixIt’s and mowed till it got too dark to do it safely. I went in to get a cold drink and was sitting on the sofa when I saw them. An army of stink bugs! Do you think either of us could have possibly remembered what arrives in WV on the 1st of October? Nooooooo. Hot on their stinky little heels will be the Asian Lady Bugs. Oy! Both of these little boogers swarm en masse and I can just imagine myself walking down the aisle looking like a Ninja as they swarm and land in my hair!

Breathe.

OmmmmmmmMyGosh!!!!

I put an urgent message out on FB. “Is there anything to keep these things at bay for a few hours?” I got lots of suggestions, including changing the wedding date. No! Absolutely not! I want my “patent leather shoes”, darn it!

Here’s how I’m going to deal with this. We’ve managed to pull together a beautiful wedding in less than a month. The average cost of a wedding in the US today is $27,000. Ours is going to be gorgeous for far less than 10% of that. (Did I tell you I used to do this for a living? Mr. Virgo taught me well!) Everything is ordered. The tent comes the 10th giving us plenty of time to decorate it. I’m going to smoke the pork butts this weekend for the pulled pork, bag it and pop it in the freezer till Wednesday. Then late Saturday morning it goes in a slow oven to finish off. I have plenty of helpers coming that Friday and Saturday. I have a final fitting on the dress next Wednesday and it will be ready to pick up Friday. We can get the coleslaw and buns that afternoon. The sodas go in the fridge Friday and on ice in the galvanized tubs Saturday. The photographer arrives at 2:00. The cake gets delivered at 3:00.

See? Everything that I CAN control is under control. The rest of it I can do nothing about. Weather OR bugs. And…it will be perfect. I was thinking about this “instant gratification” thing and my word for the year….presence…popped into my head. This is my last wedding. Seriously. I’m never doing this again. I want to stay in the moment and memorize it all. We want to enjoy this, not stress out about it. So, that’s just what I’m going to do.

I really didn’t like those patent leather Mary Janes anyway. ❤️

I’m a Risk-taking Storyteller

Tue, 02 Oct 2018 01:30:31 -0600

“I am willing to risk being wrong.”

“He who observes the wind will not sow, and he who regards the clouds will not reap. As you do not know the way the spirit comes to the bones in the womb of a woman with child, so you do not know the work of God who makes everything. In the morning sow your seed, and at evening withhold not your hand, for you do not know which will prosper, this or that, or whether both alike will be good. Light is sweet, and it is pleasant for the eyes to see the sun. So if a person lives many years, let him rejoice in them all; but let him remember that the days of darkness will be many. All that comes is vanity.”
Ecclesiastes 11:4-8 ESV

Let’s face it…I’m a risk-taker. I wasn’t always. I stood at the edge of many a precipice, leaning forward just enough to deem the venture far too scary to attempt. And, being a perfectionist compounded the issue with my “If I can’t overachieve, I will not try” personality. This has kept me from experiencing many incredible moments that, at the very least would have been entertaining, and more than likely would have changed my life. But, change wasn’t something I was interested in.

I remember when my 20-year marriage was falling apart. I had been in therapy for depression stemming from a past filled with abuse, both to me and by me. Sexual abuse. Emotional abuse. Alcohol abuse. Prescription abuse. When my ex-husband was at the end of his rope, he had some therapy of his own to gain the tools he needed to take care of himself. He was changing right in front of me and it scared me more than anything else had. Because I knew where this was headed. My long-standing abandonment issues assured me I would be alone and destitute and living on the streets. Of course, that never happened, but I distinctly remember him saying something to me and asking him just how much he was going to change because I didn’t like it. I can look back on that moment now and realize he was actually saving my life, but at the time, I was horrified.

When I found myself dangling by the end of my own rope, I was forced to change or die. I’d love to say it was an easy choice and I moved right on by the huge crevasse that had opened in my life, but that was not the case. I overdosed and came as close to death as I care to go at this point in my life. And that was, as they say, the bottom of the barrel.

I wasn’t a Christian yet, but I saw a tunnel before me of the most beautiful shade of cobalt blue surrounded with rays of gold…like a giant eclipse of the sun. While I was in this tunnel, my dead grandma came to me and stood by my side. She sternly told me, “Get back down there, young lady! You have work to do!” It took me five years and the death of my mother and the prayers of some really great people to find Jesus and my life changed in an instant. Not that my circumstances were ideal and I didn’t still struggle. I did. But I felt every cell in my body come alive and become new. It was…THE change. The really BIG change.

My fear level plummeted. I became a risk taker. After two failed marriages, Mr. Virgo came into my life and I plunged off the cliff of a third marriage holding hands with a wonderful man. We enjoyed seven years of this bliss before he died suddenly as we were planning our golden years. Grief chiseled me into who I am today. Stronger, to be sure. Softer, more empathetic. Grief became my story…and I’m an avid storyteller.

Now, here I am…about to jump off the cliff again. My fourth marriage. I swear, it’s my LAST marriage. Daughter #1 has taken to calling me “Liz”. Someone asked me the other day if I was scared. My answer was, “Heck no! I’m marrying my very best friend whom I’ve known for fifty years. Bring it on!” I realized a couple of days later what she meant….

Was I scared of losing Mr. FixIt like I lost Mr. Virgo?

I pondered. This is why no one likes to talk about death and grief. It hits too darned close to home. Am I worried that Mr. FixIt will drop dead in front of me? I’d be lying if I said no. Am I willing to risk going through loss and grief again so that I can experience the love of another wonderful man? Absolutely! And you know why I say that? Because, I’m a risk-taker now. Ever since I laid everything on the line for Jesus, I’ve been firmly in the camp of “I’m willing to risk being wrong.” It took me 14 months of being engaged to Mr. FixIt to prepare for this marriage. It took standing up and adding the caveat of living separately for the month before the wedding as a sacrifice and atonement for living together before we were married. And it took the assurance of a loving God that He will always and forever have my back in all things I do. I will not be afraid.

They say God will catch you and teach to you fly. I am sure there will be many flying lessons ahead, but it’s a risk I’m willing to take and a story I’m willing to tell. ❤️

A Change of Status

Tue, 25 Sep 2018 01:30:40 -0600

“The change from “widow” to “engaged” deserves a moment of reflection.”

““Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.” Matthew 7:7 NIV

I did something monumental yesterday. I changed my relationship status on Facebook from “widow” to “engaged”. Ok, in the grand scheme of things, that’s not really monumental...but it IS, you know?

Some people change their relationship status like they change their shoes. I remember that first attempt at “dating” after Mr. Virgo died. It was (I’m embarrassed to say) only five months after he died. I know, I know. Plenty of my friends and my family were like…”WTH are you DOING???” What I was doing was putting a tourniquet on my hemorrhaging heart. I went so far as to change my relationship status and knew immediately that was a HUGE error in judgment. Let’s face it…when you are grieving, good judgment goes out the window for quite some time.

It wasn’t long till the status went back to “widow” and there it has stayed for the last five years. When I tell my story, I start out with “My husband and I had decided life was too short to wait for retirement to have some fun…” Always the same. I’ve had people misunderstand my story for “wallowing in my grief”. That isn’t it at all…at least not after a couple of years. I tell my story so that others may not feel so alone in their grief. So that others may learn that when grief strikes, you don’t have to crawl into a ball and stay there forever. I tell my story to give people hope that there is life in spite of grief.

It’s not like I haven’t thought about changing my status before now. After all, Mr. FixIt and I have been engaged for over a year. And, it has nothing to do with my feelings for him. I love him dearly and want to be with him the rest of my life. It’s just five little letters, but widow is what I’ve related to for five-and-a-half years. It does not define me anymore, but it will always be a part of who I am. I was fiddling around on Facebook yesterday and just had this flash.

“You’re getting married in nineteen days, girlfriend. It’s time.” Without giving it a second thought, I went from “widow” to “engaged”. Then I sat and looked at it. Wow. This is huge. Yet, not. Yet, it is. I’m finally ready to put “widow” in second place. And now, when I tell my Mr. Virgo story, it will start out with “My late-husband and I decided…”

I’m making a concerted shift in consciousness. My focus will be more forward-thinking. My posts will have lots of new stories and color and joy and adventure. It feels like I’m leaving something behind, though. That’s one reason I’ve been staying over at the farm alone a lot lately. I need some alone time to process that. To package it up and set it on a shelf. I can still reach it. I can still take it out and look at it. I’m just not going to sit with it in my lap so much. This is all about healing and moving forward and letting go. The shift from one status to the other deserves a moment of honor and reflection. It’s good. It’s all so very good. ❤️

The Feeling of Prayers

Mon, 24 Sep 2018 01:30:49 -0600

“When someone prays for me, it’s like a thousand feathered angel wings wrapping around me.”

“Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful.” Colossians 4:2 NIV

I will never forget when my friend Bill told me I was on his daily prayer list ever since the overdose at the end of my second marriage. I was...stunned. Here he was, a busy Emergency Room physician and a missionary in a country and location they could not reveal for fear of being killed. And I was on his daily prayer list?

When I finally became a Christian in 2005, the first people I told were my neighbors, Bob and Ellie. I asked them over, sat them on the couch, and told them I had accepted Christ as my personal Savior. They both immediately burst into tears and said, “Oh, we both have been praying so hard for you!”

When I revealed on Saturday that Mr. FixIt and I were getting married and shared the reason why, several of you told me you had been praying for me to hear God’s whispers and do what was right.

This was astonishing to me. I have prayed for countless people and circumstances, but I don’t think about others praying FOR me. Maybe my safety and comfort and good circumstances actually came because of the prayers of others. My grandma comes to mind. I can guarantee she prayed for me. Many times.

Hindsight tells me the gradual discomfort I felt when I was someplace on my journey I shouldn’t have been was at least partially due to the prayers of others trying to lead me back home. I once asked you here to pray for me and I felt a supernatural comfort…like a thousand feathered angel wings wrapped all around me. This is what the prayer of another feels like if you can open yourself to it. It’s physical. It’s supernatural. And it’s very, very real.

Praying for the happiness of my ex-husband and his soon-to-be wife allowed forgiveness which gave me peace. Praying for my children and grandchildren gives me hope for their safety and well-being. Praying for Mr. FixIt brings me reassurance of his strength and leadership for our family as we prepare to marry. Prayer can be felt by those you pray for. They may not have a clue it’s your prayers they are feeling, but trust me…they feel it in one way or another. So, keep praying. If there is someone who is lost, pray them home. If there is someone who is discouraged, pray for bravery. If there is someone who is broken, pray for peace. Prayer never hurt anyone and even though you may never see the results, it makes a difference. Because God listens. He hears. He cares. He loves us more than anything you could possibly imagine.

Take this into your week and be encouraged. Prayer changes things…even if it’s just inside of you. ❤️

A Change is Gonna Come...

Sat, 22 Sep 2018 01:30:36 -0600

“A change is coming. Can you feel it?”

“Many claim to have unfailing love, but a faithful person who can find? The righteous lead blameless lives; blessed are their children after them.” Proverbs 20:6-7 NIV

Yesterday, I told you there were some big decisions I’ve been working on the last few months. Today, I want to talk with you about one of them. The most important one. This is a REALLY long post...but hang in there with me. You won’t be sorry.

Not long after Mr. FixIt and I became a serious item, God started working on me. For a long time, whenever I walk into church, I say a little prayer. I always say, “Lord, if there is a personal message you have for me today, please anoint the Pastor’s words so he can deliver it to me.” Countless times, God answers my plea and the Pastor will literally come to the front of the stage, stand right in front of me, look me straight in the eye, and say something that is unmistakably personal. Something exactly about what I’ve been working on, or worrying over. I would say it’s uncanny, but what it really is…is supernatural. Our God is a supernatural God. He listens, and He communicates…through the Holy Spirit. Through a total stranger. Through your Guardian Angel. If He has a message, and you ask Him to tell you loud and clear, He doesn’t need a megaphone. He’ll beat you over the head with it if it’s something you truly need.

From the time Mr. FixIt and I got serious, I’ve been getting messages from God that we shouldn’t be living together without being married. I have to be honest…this has never bothered me before. I’m a product of the ‘60s and I never had a problem living with someone before we got married. But this time is different. It’s been wearing on me. And I think I’ve figured out why.

The biggest reason is my faith has grown exponentially since Mr. Virgo died. I had to make God the center of my life in order to survive that loss. In order to not feel so alone. And God has drawn me ever so close to Him. He has guarded me and protected me. He has led me through some terribly difficult times. He has been my rock…my anchor. In the past, that has not been the case. My relationship with my husband was my focus. My relationship with God suffered and therefore I suffered. And I wasn’t even aware of it.

Mr. FixIt and I keep God at the center of our relationship. Or…so I would love for everyone to believe. See, here’s the thing. You’re either all in with God. Or, you’re not. That’s why I’ve been feeling off about cohabitation. Now, there is the issue of widow’s benefits. I had been told when I first went to Social Security after Mr. Virgo died, that if I remarried I would lose my widow’s benefits. I’ve kept that information in my mind all this time without questioning. Until last weekend.

Mr. FixIt and I have spent a great deal of time apart in the last month between being sick and in the hospital, camping with the Girl Campers, and going to Country Living Fair. The reason I took my camper up with me and camped alone instead of bunking with my gal pals was…I needed some alone time with God. These wonderful women I was with are two of my strongest Christian friends. They mentor me. They are sounding boards for me when I have questions. They are my fellow prayer warriors when I need them. I confessed how I was feeling and they talked with me about it.

While camping alone, I prayed deeply. I told God my worries. I told him I totally trust in Him and that I know without question that He will provide for me. But I’ve been so worried about losing my widow’s benefits because my own Social Security is paltry. I was a stay-at-home mom, so I didn’t make a lot of money in my lifetime. Mr. Virgo, however, worked in 5-Star resorts and restaurants all his career. He died before touching his Social Security. My benefits through him are far more than my own. Not enough to live in the lap of luxury, mind you. But enough to live on if I were extremely frugal. I asked God to give me a sign that I wouldn’t lose my benefits if I remarried.

Then, I listened. “Google. What happens to widow’s benefits if you remarry?” Simple enough, right? I mean, why didn’t I think to Google that a long time ago? Because….it wasn’t the right time. Mr. FixIt asked me to marry him just a month after we started dating. It was too soon. We needed to get to know each other more. We needed to grow together in our faith. And, I needed more time to work through my grief. This was God’s perfect timing. I Googled the question and page after page of answers came back. “If you remarry after the age of 60, you will NOT lose your widow’s benefits.” Wow! The reason it stuck in my head so long ago was, I was only 59 when Mr. Virgo died. They told me if I remarried, I would lose my benefits. But that was THEN. Grief brain didn’t allow the rest of it to soak in.

I sat back…stunned by this revelation. I looked up and said, “Thank you, God. That’s all I needed to know!” Then I texted Mr. FixIt.

“I miss you. Let’s get married.”

Without missing a beat, he wrote back. “OK! We’ll set a date when you get home! What prompted this?”

“God.” I said.

So, we set a date! Yes, my lovely Ranchers…we’re getting MARRIED!!!

Ohhhhh….Emmmmmm…..Geeeeeeeee!!!

I’m all in. I can’t, in good conscience, profess my faith AND live in a way that I feel, for me, is counter to that. So I’m following my conscience and God’s clear instructions to marry this very wonderful man that He sent me. We chose October 13th as our wedding day. When I was looking through the calendar, the 13th jumped out at me. I seemed to remember it being a family anniversary. I looked up on my family tree and indeed…it was my Grandma and PopPop’s anniversary! Those two in whose bedroom I am currently propped up, writing to you! PopPop died on my mom’s birthday…August 26th. Just seven weeks before their 50th Wedding Anniversary. I know how terribly sad I was when Mr. Virgo died just three weeks shy of our 6th anniversary. I can’t imagine what my grandma went through losing her forever sweetheart so close to such a monumental event. I am thrilled we can celebrate our wedding on their special day!

So, there it is, my friends. A change is gonna come. Will I still be a widow? Yes, I will always and forever be a widow. AND, I will be a wife again. Never in my wildest dreams would I have anticipated something so precious happening again. I know Mr. Virgo had a hand in this. He and God stopped at the 9th or 10th hole one day when they were playing a round of golf.

“Hey, look down there at that beautiful woman. Do you think we can send her someone to love who will love her back with the white-hot heat of the sun?”

And God said…”Ha! Watch this!” ❤️

Out of the Mouths of Babes

Wed, 12 Sep 2018 01:30:39 -0600

“Craving human touch after loss is one of the most painful aspects of grief.”

“I’m so grateful to Christ Jesus for making me adequate to do this work. He went out on a limb, you know, in trusting me with this ministry. The only credentials I brought to it were invective and witch hunts and arrogance. But I was treated mercifully because I didn’t know what I was doing—didn’t know Who I was doing it against! Grace mixed with faith and love poured over me and into me. And all because of Jesus.” 1 Timothy 1:12-14 MSG

My younger granddaughter is my mini-me. Creative, funny, and incredibly intuitive, she just seems to “get me”. And she knows when to contact me and say just the right thing. Monday was Mr. Virgo’s birthday, and while the day itself did not carry the painful weight it has in the past, I still could not ignore the feelings in my heart as I remembered such a wonderful man and the passage of time without him. Then, last night... “Little” contacted me via text.

“What was Papa’s last name?” she asked.

“McKinney, sweetheart. Same as mine.”

“He was a ghost on a video.”

“What? What video???”

“A video I saw last week. I just remembered to tell you. A medium was talking and a man with Papa’s name spoke out and said he was there. He said he died of a heart attack. He said the woman reminded him of his wife because she was creative and funny. I know it was him and I just wanted to tell you…he’s not really gone.”

Wow.

She was only five when her Papa died. Yet she was the one who gave me the most comfort. She held my heart in a special way that only she and I could understand. She kept a sacred space between us where her Papa and my Mr. Virgo could live forever and never be forgotten. She is so special. She had no way of remembering that Monday had been his birthday. Yet, she knew to reach out.

Thinking back over the years since he died, I remember how hard it was to miss his physical presence. I missed his hugs the very most. The way he would fold me into his chest, the top of my head tucked just under his chin. The smell of leather and tobacco and wood coming from his sweater. The sudden absence of that left a gaping hole in my life. I have always been a hugger. One of the reasons my second marriage fell apart was because Hubby #2 wasn’t. He hadn’t been raised that way. But Mr. Virgo gave me all the hugs I wanted.

I went on the search for physical contact after Mr. Virgo died. I tried dating a couple of guys and that was a catastrophe. Way too soon, way wrong people. I got hugs at church. I cruised the downtown shops and the mall in my little town looking for people I knew who would hold me for that extra long hug that makes casual acquaintances uncomfortable. I have a brother/friend who was wonderful…if I texted him at 3:00am, he would answer right away with “Where are you?” “In the camper,” I replied. “Be right there.” He would saunter over from his house a few blocks away, climb in the camper with me, and we would snuggle up in the corner under a blanket and I would show him pictures on my iPad while he wrapped his arms around me tight. No expectations. Nothing sexual. Just unconditional brotherly love and compassion. I will never forget his kindness. I got a prescription from my doctor for weekly massages to keep myself anchored. I visited my children and my brother as often as I could. I traveled and stayed with gentle friends who held my heart. And, eventually, I could stand up on my own again. I didn’t NEED quite so much. I didn’t ACHE quite so hard.

I was at a place of acceptance when I came back to West Virginia to live on the farm two years ago. I was at peace with my life and felt more centered than I probably ever had. That’s not to say I didn’t want someone in my life…I did. I’m a people person and I do better with a tribe. But I was getting ok with not having someone around all the time. Then…along came Mr. FixIt. And let me tell you…he is a hugger extraordinaire. When we first started dating, we would just sit and hug each other for hours. We’d talk and tell stories and just BE together. One day, he whispered…”This is medicine for the soul.” He was right, it was. It still is.

I know I’m blessed. I know what a gift this is. Late life love is precious. I just read a tweet from the author, Anne Lamott. She was watching the US Open with her love a couple of days ago when he said, “Can I ask you a question?” “Oh, sure,” she said, thinking it was something about the carport they were building. “Will you marry me?” She’s 64. He’s 63. “God is SUCH a show-off!” she said. I know not everyone wants another love after loss. I know some want it and it doesn’t come. I struggle sometimes sharing my joy while balancing sensitivity for others’ pain. My point is to always strive for hope. Always search for joy. No matter what that looks like for you…alone, together, screaming from the mountain tops, or cloistered in the stacks of a really great library. Whatever your bliss…my wish for you is that you find it. In spades! ❤️

2,000 Days

Sun, 02 Sep 2018 01:30:41 -0600

“2,000 Days”

“(For we are but of yesterday, and know nothing, because our days upon earth are a shadow:) Job 8:9 KJV

For a long time after losing Mr. Virgo, I marked the timeline of my grief by significant dates. The first anniversary without him came just three weeks after he died. That was a tough one. First Halloween marked when we met. The first time I celebrated his birthday alone was terribly sad. First Thanksgiving, first Christmas...the list went on and on and I was convinced when the first “angelversary” of his death came around, I could turn a corner on this grief thing. Needless to say, that didn’t happen.

The seconds were worse for me than the firsts. Because, the first year I was in a fog. The second year I was awake and he was still gone. It was deeply painful. It was desperately lonely. I was exceedingly angry. Each day led me forward, ever so slowly, toward…what? Healing? Peace? Acceptance? It wasn’t easy. Somewhere along the line, 1,000 days passed and I wrote about my experiences along the way. Still marking the calendar of grief.

Now it’s been 2,000 days. Unbelievable. It seems like forever ago. It seems like yesterday. It sometimes even seems like he was a dream and I never really had him. I think that’s fairly normal, from what I have heard from you all over the years. I can’t remember his voice anymore. I struggle to picture his hands. He’s like a really good movie that I loved and watched over and over till I memorized all the words…then lost the disk. I’ll never see that particular movie again, but I remember how much I enjoyed it.

I still get waves of grief. They don’t hit nearly as hard as they used to, and they don’t last nearly as long, thank God. I notice them most when I am tired or not feeling well. I’ve learned so much about myself since he died. I’ve become much stronger. My world is brighter now that I’ve passed through all those days. I have new love. But I will never lose my old love. I have them both. I am a widow and a partner. I grieve and I rejoice.

I have greater compassion now. For others. For myself. I know not everyone has a new love. Not everyone wants it. Women are perfectly capable of being widowed and still lead a fulfilling life. One does not need a partner to be rich in love. Women can be remarkably resilient and strong all on their own.

So, it’s been 2,000 days. Remarkable…yet another ordinary day. The seas are much calmer this far from the shore. ❤️

Winding Down

Fri, 24 Aug 2018 01:30:58 -0600

“Picnic in the park…it’s date night!”

“Give us this day our daily bread.” Matthew 6:11 KJV

Remember when you were a kid and summer stretched out before you like an endless ocean of fun? I do. We played all over the neighborhood from morning till dusk when the street lights came on. Then you could still be outside playing for a while but you had to be out in front of the house. Finally, mom would call us in and we would drag our seriously sunburned and mosquito bitten bodies in for a much needed bath. If we were really good, we got milk and cookies or a bowl of ice cream before bed.

Even though I didn’t own a calendar and I never really payed much attention to time, I always knew when summer was drawing to a close. You could hear the loud “whee-oh-whee-oh-whee-oh” of the cicadas droning in every tree in the neighborhood. There is a constant serenade of night noises in the summer in West Virginia. Our climate is bug heaven. But it was the cicadas, or locusts, that were the harbinger of fall. As we drove around town last night, we heard their incessant buzzing every time we passed a tree. I cannot hear them without having that same back-to-school cozy feeling I got when I was a kid.

After the adventure yesterday with the smoker and I boxed up the ribs, we stopped at the store for side dishes and headed to the park for live music. It was date night. The ribs were divine, if I do say so myself. I think the pork loin was a little dry. It’s just not my favorite cut. We carried our chairs over and found the perfect spot. You can definitely feel fall in the air. I had to pull on a sweatshirt before the end of the performance. Afterwards, we ran a couple errands and stopped for ice cream before heading home.

“Live music in the park!”

It was really fun smoking the meat yesterday. There was a very long time after Mr. Virgo died that I just did not cook. I couldn’t concentrate and had little appetite anyway. It’s been a lot of fun cooking for, and with, Mr. FixIt. It’s another area of my life where I see healing. I have to clean the smoker this morning before we head to the farm to mow. And the beat goes on…

Date Night...”Mamma Mia - Here We Go Again!”

Wed, 15 Aug 2018 01:30:35 -0600

“Mamma Mia! I’ve always loved what Daughter #1 called ‘Singing and Dancing Movies’.”

“So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.” 1 Corinthians 10:31 NIV

We were at the mall the other day and I saw that Mamma Mia 2 was showing. I asked Mr. FixIt if he had ever seen the original and he said he hadn’t. Well, we couldn’t go see the second till he saw the first, so I downloaded it on i-Tunes. We watched it Monday night and he really enjoyed it.

Yesterday was mowing day at the Ponderosa and when we were finished, Mr. FixIt asked if I wanted to go see the new movie. Now, this would only be the second time he and I have gone to a movie together. We don’t even watch them at home. Because…I don’t watch TV. I can’t even tell you what the name of the movie was we saw last year. I don’t remember what it was about. All I know is it was LONG and I sat through it thinking of about a million other things I could be doing with that time.

This is a side effect of my grief. My attention span was that of a hamster. I didn’t read books…I didn’t do crafts or hobbies… and I certain didn’t watch TV other than The Voice and an occasion MASH rerun. Then, this spring, something changed. I picked up knitting again and made a pair of socks. It felt like such a HUGE accomplishment. I am actually reading a book. Slowly…ever so slowly. But I’m reading it. And now this…a movie!

We had a date! Like real people. We cooled off and cleaned up after mowing and headed to town. We got to the theater just in time to catch some of the previews. We shared a popcorn and a soda. The theater has those reclining seats so it’s just like sitting in your living room…only with a ginormous screen. I felt a thrill of excitement and reached over to squeeze Mr. FixIt’s hand. He turned to me a smiled. He knew this was BIG for me and he was happy for me…and, I dare say, a bit proud. These are such simple things for most people. When you have suffered loss, and grief, these simple things can be monumental…even after five years.

We both really enjoyed the movie. We both got a little teary-eyed at the end. When we were done, we had dinner at Chik-fil-A. We ran some errands since we were in town, and headed home after dark. It was a real live date! In the big picture, our relationship is still relatively young. It’s important to court each other and have a real date on occasion. Even when you’re retired and you can do pretty much whatever you want. It was a lovely reward for working so hard and something like that doesn’t break the bank.

“Mamma Mia…here we go again! My, my, how can I resist ya!” ❤️

Sunshine in a Bowl

Tue, 14 Aug 2018 01:30:15 -0600

“Sunshine in a Bowl! We have an abundance of tomatoes this summer!”

“This is what the Sovereign Lord showed me: a basket of ripe fruit.” ‭‭Amos‬ ‭8:1‬ ‭NIV‬‬

We went to the class picnic on Saturday and took a whole bowlful of vine-ripened yellow tomatoes...still warm from the summer sun. I gathered them carefully in a bucket, rinsed them to get off the garden dirt and bugs, and sliced them thick. As I held these golden orbs of sweet juicy perfection, I lifted them to my nose to breathe in the smell of summer. I took out the cutting board shaped like an aspen leaf that was a gift from Brooke Allen and staff...my last real job before I took off in my camper for two years or so.

I placed the warm tomato on the cutting board and reached for the presentation box where I still keep the cutlery set Mr. Virgo was given by the Ritz Carlton as a reward for his hard work and dedication. I held the handle of the chef’s knife in my right hand, feeling the heft and the balance. I admired the beautiful colors of the inlayed handle…reds, browns, yellows. I remembered his sense of awe and pride when he showed them to me. The blade is sharp and made quick work of the task at hand. I carefully rinsed the knife, dried it, and put it back in its presentation case and placed it in the middle utensil drawer.

Yellow tomatoes are pure sunshine. They have less acid, it seems. And they were so pretty in the bowl with the red lid. Everyone oohed and ahhhed over them. The salt and pepper shaker was strategically placed next to the slotted serving spoon.

I stopped at Witten’s Produce Stand Sunday afternoon and picked up four Silver Queen and four bi-color ears of corn as well as four plums and four peaches. I’ll pick up something for the smoker tomorrow so I can try it out before our first big barbecue. There are still lots of tomatoes on so I am going to take advantage of some of the unrepentant ones and make Fried Green Tomatoes. Those are the BEST!

This is my favorite time of year and I am taking full advantage of the many culinary delights this season brings. I hope you are enjoying summer’s bountiful goodness right now. It will be gone all too soon! ❤️

Once Upon A Time...

Mon, 06 Aug 2018 01:30:56 -0600

“Your wedding day is your ‘Best Day Ever’. But what about attending weddings when you’re grieving?”

“If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing.” ‭‭1 Corinthians‬ ‭13:2‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Weddings are joyous occasions for family and friends to gather and witness two people joining in a lifelong commitment. Just like baptism is the outward sign of an inward commitment, so is a wedding. Mr. FixIt and I went to his granddaughter’s wedding on Saturday and it was so touching to hear her voice thicken with emotion as they said their vows. Toasts were given, tears of joy were shed, as well as tears of sorrow as the bride’s step-father passed away unexpectedly last summer. My heart went out to her mom...his widow...my sweetheart’s only daughter.

There have been times when a wedding cut me off at the knees. After a painful divorce many years ago, a wedding was a slap in the face…a reminder that my marriage had failed. My second to do so, actually. Then, after losing Mr. Virgo, it was a stab in my heart…a huge neon sign that read “You are a WIDOW!” Which, translated meant…”You are not married anymore!” That’s not really true…yet it is. It’s a heck of a place to be in your head.

I distinctly remember riding a city bus one time after my second marriage ended. There was a couple on the bus…sitting close, holding hands, looking lovingly into each other’s eyes. I wanted to literally get up out of my seat and go slap them. After losing Mr. Virgo, my response was different. I wanted to tell every single person who was in a relationship to CHERISH EVERY MINUTE!!! I wanted to lecture them of the sin of taking their person for granted…for not appreciating every single thing, every word, every action the other did.

Attending a wedding when you are grieving, no matter what the cause, may be difficult. If you feel you just aren’t up to it, then by all means decline. I’m sure most people will understand. If the wedding is for a close family member or friend and you feel you need to go, pace yourself. Take breaks for a bit of fresh air or to go to the powder room. Hopefully, the bride has extended a “plus one” invitation and you can bring a friend for support. (I always encourage brides to extend a “plus one” invitation for widows/widowers as a courtesy. We sometimes need that extra boost of confidence a friend can provide.)

I am grateful to have come through that and can now attend a wedding…happy for the newlyweds. I can remember the past with less pain and more love. It is such a blessed relief to be in this place of peace. That being said…I was immensely relieved the bride and groom did not choose “At Last” for their first dance. ❤️

Playing Dress Up

Sun, 05 Aug 2018 01:30:22 -0600

“Playing dress up is fun. Mr. FixIt and me…at a wedding.”

“Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm; for love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame. Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot sweep it away. If one were to give all the wealth of one’s house for love, it would be utterly scorned.” ‭‭Song of Songs‬ ‭8:6-7‬ ‭NIV‬‬

One of Mr. FixIt’s granddaughter’s got married yesterday. I bought an outfit when I was in Colorado. I needed something nice to wear to weddings...including Daughter #2’s when it comes around in the next year or so. It’s nice to have at least one dressy outfit, even though I don’t have very many occasions to dress up anymore.

Mr. FixIt came home with his tux the other day. He said he thought he would just dress at home and not bother toting it back and forth but I talked him out of that. First, he didn’t want his backside to look like he’d been sitting in a truck for an hour. And second, it was in the high 80’s…I knew he would be miserable.

He carried the tux in the church and headed to the room the men were dressing in. I killed time wandering around the church, reading the guest book, and chatting with early arrivals. Then someone said, “Here he comes!”

I turned around and caught my breath. I’ve never seen him in a tux before. Wow! I knew there was a reason I liked this guy! Don’t men look great in a tux? They are always so dashing and sophisticated…sort of like Sean Connery. I gave him my brightest smile and stuck to him like glue all afternoon.

The wedding was sweet, the bride was beautiful, the cake divine. The weather was perfect and everyone was happy…beyond the usual wedding day jitters. The Pastor told a story about the Velveteen Rabbit and compared it to marriage. We get older. We get a little worn and frayed around the edges. But we never become more genuinely real than we do when we are loved. What a lovely goal for a new marriage…to love and be loved until we are our most real selves.

There’s something about weddings. They bring out the sweetness in us. They bring us closer and remind us of what’s important in life. Love. They also remind us of love gone too soon. I always think of Mr. Virgo in times like this. I reflect. And, more often than not, I smile at the memories. ❤️

Preserve Your Memories...They’re All That’s Left You

Mon, 30 Jul 2018 01:30:36 -0600

“We were SO fashionable, back in the day!”

“Anyone who loves their brother and sister lives in the light, and there is nothing in them to make them stumble.” ‭‭1 John‬ ‭2:10‬ ‭NIV‬‬

She sat in front of me in class. We were sophomores...our first year in a huge high school where several classes from various junior highs commingled. We didn’t know each other...yet.

We were wearing handmade dresses that day, much like the one pictured here. They were both made from a waffle weave fabric of white daisies with yellow centers on a hot pink background. Very “mod”. Very “flower power”. Very chic, I’m sure.

She was beautiful. Long, blonde hair, tan, a perky nose and a dazzling smile. I was mesmerized as I watched her fairly bounce into the room. Memories of how she walked into that room have never left me.

She hadn’t noticed me sitting behind her. She was busy putting her books away and getting settled. Perhaps greeting someone she knew. Her hair was spun gold. I cautiously tapped her on the shoulder. She turned around, saw my dress, and laughed…clapping her hands in delight. The sun shone brighter in that moment. I had found my soul sister.

We quickly became besties. There were lots of slumber parties and sunbathing and curling each other’s hair. There were giggles and tears and shared secrets. There were dreams and gossip and football games. I held her hair back the first time she got drunk on Boone’s Farm Strawberry Hill and threw up in my trash can. We were tight.

My mom adored her, too. Mom loved all my friends. She called them her kids and loved them just like us. But this one was special. This one hung around when I moved on…first to England, then to Colorado. She took my mom in her little convertible sports car to the beach…my mom’s first trip there…a rare treat for her to get away from caring for my brother with cerebral palsy who lived at home. They had a CB radio and mom had a blast talking to the truckers. I was aghast when I found out they pulled up behind a Meadowgold truck and told him “they had the vodka if he had the orange juice”. They pulled into the next rest area and toasted to freedom with a screwdriver and a total stranger. Those two scared me to death, but they just laughed at my scorn. They knew about freedom long before I did. Of course, nowadays one would never do that…at least, I certainly hope not! It’s a different world now but they felt safe back then.

She went on and went through the typical stuff…divorce, jobs, moves. She finally moved far enough away that it was difficult to visit again. I’ve been to see her a couple of times. We chat several times a week. Mom had promised my brother a trip to see her but she died before they could go. My brother reminded me at the funeral so I promised to take him. Mom had a small life insurance policy. Enough to pay for her funeral with a little left over. I packed my brother up and took him on a long road trip to see our “sister” before I brought him to live in Colorado near me.

Old friends. My sweet sister-of-a-different mother reminded me we should preserve our memories because in the end, that’s all that’s left you. She sent me a link to Simon and Garfunkel singing “Old Friends” last night. I sat back and listened to the lyrics and closed my eyes. They stung with tears. I haven’t seen her for fourteen years now. We’ve both had trials we’ve gone through that have kept us apart. But, it’s time. Life is so uncertain. We must reunite soon and preserve those memories that bonded us in 1968. “A time of innocence. A time of confidences.”

youtu.be/snVOxz6fj…

❤️

Feeling Peaceful

Sun, 29 Jul 2018 01:30:15 -0600

“Finding peace after losing Mr. Virgo is deeper and sweeter than anything I could have imagined.”

“Now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times and in every way. The Lord be with all of you.” ‭‭2 Thessalonians‬ ‭3:16‬ ‭NIV‬‬

As I sat thinking over what I would write about for today’s post, the word “peaceful” kept playing over and over in my mind. It made me think of this photograph that I took when I was living on high ground overlooking the Ohio River three years ago. I was blessed with the opportunity to park my camper up there and would often sit on the deck overlooking this amazing, peaceful scene. On this particular evening, the light was perfect, the sky was stunning, and everything took on a soft glow as the sun was setting. I will never forget my time spent in this beauty as I healed from the grief of losing Mr. Virgo. It was a time of testing my mettle, as well. I found inner strength I never knew I had as I lived in that camper through a particularly rough winter with no running water and up to a foot-and-a-half of snow at times.

I look back on that period of my life and compare it to where I am today and it never ceases to amaze me how different things are now. I have the privilege of caretaking for the family farm. I have this wonderful man in my life who brings me joy every day. I have the ability to travel to see my Colorado family. I have my campers. I still own too much “stuff” but I’m happy with my life as it is.

The other evening, Mr. FixIt and I were floating around in the pool, holding hands, watching the clouds in the evening sky, listening to the sounds as the night birds and insects began their chorus. He turned to me and said, “This. This right here is perfect.” I knew what he meant. We’ve both longed for this peaceful life and love. We both feel like we’ve won the lottery.

I could have written about grief last night. I could have written about camping or travel or gardening. I could have written about Colorado or West Virginia or any of the numerous places I’ve been. But, for some reason, all those things seemed to pale against this overwhelming love and peace I’ve been feeling since I got home from my trip out west. Absence really does make the heart grow fonder. Being away from Mr. FixIt for three weeks brought into sharp focus just how wonderful our life is together. I love my children and grandchildren and the rest of my Colorado family and friends. But, oh my…there really is no place like “home”. ❤

Vaya con Dios, Colorado!

Wed, 25 Jul 2018 01:30:24 -0600

“Goodbyes are always bittersweet.”

“The Lord makes firm the steps of the one who delights in him; though he may stumble, he will not fall, for the Lord upholds him with his hand.” ‭‭Psalm‬ ‭37:23-24‬ ‭NIV‬‬

It is time. Three weeks ago, the time for my visit stretched long before me. And, in the blink of an eye...it is gone. Today I travel home to West Virginia. Goodbyes are always so bittersweet. Oh, how I miss my babies...big and little. How I miss my brother and the rest of my Colorado family and friends. How I miss being nearby and stopping to visit with Mr. Virgo whenever I want. But it can’t be helped. There are so many reasons why I don’t live in Colorado anymore.

The main impetus that led my move to West Virginia was two-fold. Economics made Colorado far out of my housing budget and caring for an elderly family member in my home state seemed appropriate. If I would have known that endeavor would have only last ten weeks, I likely would have done things differently. I may have kept my Colorado house and rented it out. I may not have purchased such a big camper. I may have more evenly split my time between Colorado and West Virginia. But, hindsight being 20/20, it is what it is and I wouldn’t have changed a thing if I could.

Moving to West Virginia was the path my life needed to take. I needed to feel the freedom of living on my own. I needed to feel the love and connection of caretaking my family farm, which turned out to be the ultimate conclusion of the elder care situation. I needed the social group my hometown afforded me. And, most importantly of all…destiny brought Mr. FixIt and me together! He is such a joy to have in my life and I can’t imagine him not being there.

One of the downsides to living so far away is the limited amount of time my family has to spend bonding with Mr. FixIt. They don’t feel the connection with him that they felt with Mr. Virgo. You can’t develop a loving bond with someone you have a couple of dinners with over a period of a week or so. I understand that. I just hope they can understand my commitment to him and why I live where I do and not near them. It tears at a mother’s (and grandmother’s) heart when you can’t be near them always. The other side of the coin is, travel goes both ways. So do phone calls and texts and FaceTiming. It’s a new time in our lives. A new adjustment. A new phase.

I know where they are coming from, though. When my mom lived in West Virginia and I lived in Colorado, it used to drive me crazy. I wanted her to move to Colorado where I could help her more. I wanted her to have access to excellent healthcare. I wanted her close where I could watch over her. I guess what it boils down to is…I wanted more control. (Ahhhh, it always boils down to control, doesn’t it?) My girls saw me struggle to help my mom long distance. They don’t want to have to do that, too. I get that. But, NOW I totally get where my mom was coming from. Whereas I though she was being terribly stubborn and unreasonable, I now see she was living the way SHE wanted to live…WHERE she wanted to live. I wish I could have understood that more at the time. I think I would have been more gentle with her.

At any rate…I have promises from all my Colorado family that we will make a concerted effort to reach out more and stay connected by the various media channels we have access to. And…my sweet and handsome all-time BEST friend in the whole wide world will be standing in Columbus Airport today welcoming me home with the very best hug on the planet!!! I wouldn’t trade that for ANYTHING!

Vaya con Dios, Colorado…I’ll be back as soon as I can! ❤

You Are The Light of The World

Tue, 24 Jul 2018 01:30:13 -0600

“You are the light of the world.”

““You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.” ‭‭Matthew‬ ‭5:14-16‬ ‭NIV‬‬

“Everybody’s got tsuris.” So said the late Rose Saliman, my younger daughter’s great grandmother and namesake. Everyone has problems. Everyone has garbage they drag through their lives, adding heaping helpings from here and there till they can hardly move along their path, let alone enjoy it. And when you can finally move away from that, when you unload your baggage and stop dragging it around with you, it’s not only a beautiful thing. It’s a blessed relief.

I had lunch with Daughter #2 yesterday. My children and grandchildren are the lights of MY world. It’s nice when they make me feel like a star in their sky. My younger daughter is doing well. She has found her stride. She has found her people. She is happy. That wasn’t always the case. She has struggled all of her life feeling “different”. It wasn’t until the last few years she has been able to put a name to that and grow into who she really is. I saw a peace and joy in her eyes yesterday that I’m not sure I have ever seen before. And that thrills this mom to no end.

She lives an alternative lifestyle. She has tattoos everywhere. She had such a dark struggle in adolescence. In the depths of her despair, she was a cutter. It was extremely difficult to watch. I cannot imagine the pain she was going through personally. I believe this all stemmed from her inner being not matching her outer self. She didn’t fit in. You and I both know what happens when kids don’t fit in. Add the family strife of divorce, parents with bad coping skills, and the general turmoil of adolescence and it was a volatile mix for my sweet girl.

To see her today is such a joy. To see the light and life in her eyes lets my shoulders relax a little when I didn’t even realize I was holding tension there. I’m one of the only people, if not THE only person, in our family she can completely confide in and not feel judged or awkward. I don’t always understand or necessarily agree with some of her lifestyle choices, but I can love her and listen to her. I can hold on to her and let her know she is a light in the world. She is built on a hill and should not be hidden…certainly not by me. She is my lovey…my sweet Moon Pie. I’m proud to call her mine.

As we reluctantly said goodbye after lunch, we hugged for a long time in the parking lot in Cherry Creek. When we finally pulled apart, she held my hand as she stretched away. Suddenly she came rushing back and held me close again, burying her face in my neck. I took a deep breath of her hair and skin and memorized them till we see each other again. My eyes stung with tears. I wish I could have been a better mom to her when she needed it the most. I wish I could have given her everything she needed to grow along the way so she didn’t have to struggle. I wish I could have protected her from all the things that caused her pain. However, if I had been a better mom, if I could have given her every good thing, if I could have protected her from all the things that brought pain to her tender heart…she still would be who she is today. A Tattooed Warrior Princess with some anxiety and depression and a kick-a** determination to thrive. She isn’t ashamed of who she is and I love her for that.

Goodbyes are bittersweet, but feeling her love filled my heart with an indescribable joy. ❤

“Whoever gets sense loves his own soul; he who keeps understanding will discover good.” ‭‭Proverbs 19:8 ESV

Shopped Till I Dropped

Fri, 20 Jul 2018 01:30:10 -0600

“I shopped till I dropped!”

“Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” ‭‭2 Corinthians‬ ‭4:16-18‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Yesterday was my special day with Big. She is fourteen so our yearly one-on-one is normally focused on fashion. Our trip to the mall began at the opening bell and ended at 3:00. That’s five hours of walking from one end to the other and back...several times. My suddenly sixty-five year old knee said, “What are you doing to me??? Get thee to a restaurant!”

Big and I took our time over huge yummy salads at California Pizza Kitchen. We discussed her upcoming entry into high school. We talked about making our visits really count since I only get one a year. We promised to text, call, and FaceTime more often to stay connected.

This little gal is quite the shopper. She searches for the best deals and gets a ton of stuff for her money. She is stylish, yet conservative. Being a swimmer means you have broad shoulders so shirts and jackets don’t always fit well. She was thrilled with her purchases and I was thrilled to have that alone time with her. She is such a good person.

I came home and stretched out and when I woke from my power nap, my knee was really hurting. Ice and naproxen and rest. What on earth has happened to my body? I turned sixty-five. It’s like anything else…it breaks down the week after the warranty expires. Oy! ❤️

Your Difference is Your Beauty

Sun, 15 Jul 2018 01:30:58 -0600

“Your DIFFERENCE is your BEAUTY.”

“But the Lord said to Samuel, "Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart."” ‭‭1 Samuel‬ ‭16:7‬ ‭ESV‬‬

I came to the mountains yesterday to visit my brother and some friends one more time before I go back to West Virginia. The rest of my visit is booked with the Denver family, so this is my last trip here for a while.

The traffic coming out of Denver was terrible. It seems everyone and their brother had the same idea to head to the mountains for the weekend and a normally three hour trip took four-and-a-half. Seriously though, if you have to get stuck in traffic somewhere, I can think of far worse places than the middle of the Rockies. I had my praise music cranked up and sat staring at the beauty all around me and my heart was full.

When I arrived in Glenwood Springs, I turned onto 8th Avenue and the first parking spot opened up. I smiled and thought of my dad’s second wife. Whenever we drove someplace and a parking space opened right when we got there she said, “Thank you, Lord.” I did the same. I wandered around the downtown area and saw some people I have known for years, having lived in the area from 1986 to 2014. I browsed the little shops. I ran into a friend who recently lost her husband and finally got to give her that big hug I’ve been wanting to share.

I was looking for a dress for Mr. FixIt’s granddaughter’s wedding in August, but couldn’t find anything I liked. So I wandered down the street to one of my favorite restaurants…a little Cajun place with great jambalaya and beignets. My wait person arrived and took my order. This was a person whose gender is ill defined. Delightful, friendly, efficient, attentive and…different. I have a daughter who is outside of a binary gender identification. Her pronoun is feminine. Sometimes her look is, too. And sometimes it is not. She has always been unique.

As I watched my waitperson, I thought about this small town and how difficult it was just fifteen years ago to be different than the other kids. My daughter suffered terribly at the hands of bullies. Today, I believe those kids who were marginalized in the past are being embraced more readily by their peers.

Delightfully stuffed, I figured in a generous tip and wrote the following on the receipt.

“Your difference is your beauty. I hope you have a wonderful day! ❤”

You never know whose life you may touch when you are out and about. Whether you agree with a person’s lifestyle or not, always choose kindness.

❤

Little & Me

Fri, 13 Jul 2018 01:30:21 -0600

“Little & Me”

“For by me your days will be multiplied, and years will be added to your life.” ‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭9:11‬ ‭ESV‬‬

I make it a point to spend one-on-one time with the grandchildren when I visit them in Colorado. Little is my “maker” so yesterday we baked her daddy’s birthday cake. She “painted” on the iPad for quite a while. Then she stayed the night with me over at her paternal grandparents’ house where I stay when I am here.

I love the frankness of this child. She tells long tall tales but she also speaks truth that cuts to the chase. She has a way of feeling great empathy and is forever the champion of the underdog. She made me promise to take her to church while I am here. We listened to praise music as we drove around yesterday.

Today will be spent doing some sort of art project…not sure what yet. Tonight we celebrate several birthdays and an anniversary. I head to the mountains again this weekend for a good visit with my brother. Just about every day of the rest of my trip here is spoken for. It will be over before I know it. But, we’re making memories here, and that’s the name of the game! ❤️

Knee Deep in June, My Favorite Summer Things...

Tue, 19 Jun 2018 01:30:08 -0600

“My all time favorite summer thing…watermelon!”

“The LORD is responsible for this, and it is amazing for us to see. This is the day the LORD has made. Let’s rejoice and be glad today!” ‭‭Psalms‬ ‭118:23-24‬ ‭GW‬‬

#1. Watermelon! OMGosh! When I was pregnant with Daughter #2, I craved watermelon....in January. It’s hard to find good watermelon in the winter but when I did...it was heavenly. I keep looking for the sweetest, juiciest watermelon every year and I have to say, I only get it about two or three times all season. So much of the food I love doesn’t taste like it used to. Partially due to aging taste buds. But I think all this genetic engineering and hybrids have ruined the flavor of so many foods.

#2. Hard rains in the late afternoon leaving the evenings cool and breezy. The added bonus of fog clinging to the hillsides is divine. This was Sunday evening. A perfect ending to Father’s Day…playing in the field with Mr. FixIt’s son and one of his grandchildren.

#3. Camping. I really love being able to just pull up stakes and head for the hills. I’m hoping to get my little ‘67 Franklin fixed up by next summer so those quick getaways are easier.

#4. Visiting my Colorado family. I miss the kids so much. The bigs and the littles. And my brother and friends. It’s hard to be away from them. I’ve never gone this long without seeing them that I can remember. I’ll head west on the Fourth of July!

#5. Floating in the pool. I’ve never had a pool. I’ve had a couple of hot tubs, but that’s totally different. Mr. FixIt has a pool and on days when the heat index has been particularly high, going out there with a cold beverage just after the sun goes over the far ridge is truly divine. We stay out till dark, floating and talking and solving the world’s problems. I will miss this when the snow flies. (The water was 89 degrees. It felt like a bathtub, but it was wet!)

#6. Sitting on the front porch. Mr. FixIt bought me a rocking chair for my birthday. We went back and got a second one so we can set up the front porch now. The porch is covered and there’s nothing like sitting out on a porch while it’s raining in the summertime.

#7. Cookouts. We have only had a couple of cookouts this summer and I am hoping to have more soon. We both love to entertain.

#8. Sleeping with the window open. I sleep with the window open year round, even if it’s just cracked a little bit. I need the air. I love hearing the night sounds…crickets, frogs, the whippoorwill, the occasional fox barking or deer snorting.

#9. The lush, lush green of summer foliage. West Virginia looks like a jungle about now. My grandma used to say every summer at this time…”We are knee deep in June!” And we are. The garden, the flowers, the shade trees, the thick grass…all heavenly to me.

#10. Sun-dried sheets. If you have never had the joy of sleeping on sun-dried sheets, you are honestly missing one of the best things about summer. Nothing smells as good as sheets that have dried in the wind. The summer sun seems to kill any latent bacteria that may be lingering in the fibers and bleaches white sheets till they shine.

The earth holds you close this time of year. The heat, the humidity, the lush green, the smell of freshly cut grass and hay fields, the sweet smell of honeysuckle on a cool evening breeze, the crisp sweetness of summer’s freshest fruit, the feel of clean sheets on dewy skin, the kiss of sun on your face, the splash of freckles across your nose, the wind in your hair driving with the window open, the shock of walking from sweltering heat into air conditioning, the taste of a cold beverage after mowing, the feel of the ground on your bare feet, the sense of adventure when you travel, the crackle of a campfire, the hoot of an owl in the woods nearby. Grief takes all these things away from you. And…one by one…they ease back into your life with an intensity you never noticed before. You never take them for granted again once they return. Summer is truly deep and rich and good. ❤️

“I love how the fog clings to the hills after a hard rain cools us down.”

The Ponderosa

Thu, 07 Jun 2018 01:30:40 -0600

“The Ponderosa in the afternoon.”

This little slice of heaven right here is The Ponderosa…that beautiful home place that came with Mr. FixIt. When I tell you I’ve been out mowing, it’s here. A flat four acres, this job takes about two to three hours to complete. I put on a radio headset and ride around and around. It’s not even like work. And this week has been perfect for mowing. With highs in the 60’s and low 70’s, even I can mow with the push mower out at my family’s farm without stopping more than two or three times. It’s been lovely.

“My new ride!”

Mr. FixIt’s riding mower has seen it’s better days so we picked up one at a real bargain yesterday and I got to mow with it. It was the difference between night and day. It cuts a wider swath and doesn’t hit every bump with a teeth-jarring rattle. I love that I can help him out around the yard. He does SO much for me, it is my pleasure to help him whenever I can.

“Antheraea Polyphemus…one of the Giant Silk Moths, male.”

I was working around the building out back and saw this beautiful moth. It’s wingspan was about 3.5-4”. This is a male Antheraea Polyphemus…one of the Giant Silk Moths. His antennae are large and feathery…all the better for sniffing out pheromones for a little “moth l’amore”. He took off after I shot this photo and flew up over TOW-Wanda. What a lovely thing to see!

“TOW-Wanda…waiting patiently to GO somewhere!”

Speaking of the big girl…here she is, parked out by the big building. She will get moved in a couple of days so we can mow there and not kill the grass. But I have truly enjoyed having her closer to the house and have spent a few afternoons writing and snoozing out there in the last couple of weeks. I’m a little less inclined when she’s out in the field and not hooked up to electric. I like my fans. I need to get Joy moved over here so I can start working on her. I also need to jack up TOW-Wanda and check out one of her wheel bearings. It was too hot when I brought her home from the last camping trip. I’ll do that when I get her out on the flat driveway where there is a more stable surface.

It seems there is a never ending list of things to do, isn’t there? Keeping busy keeps you fit, keeps your mind flexible, and helps stabilize your mood. That’s a win-win-win for me! And, it’s so much easier to accomplish more in this cooler weather. It motivates me to get more done. ❤

“I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength.” ‭‭Philippians‬ ‭4:12-13‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Hello, June!!!

Fri, 01 Jun 2018 01:30:54 -0600

“Hello, June!!!”

Seriously, how does time go so fast?

And, so…S-L-O-W!

Let me explain. Today…I start Medicare! What??? I didn’t think it would EVER get here. And, at the same time, I learned to drive, like…yesterday, right? All week I’ve been in awe of this moment. This is such a monumental event. Ok, getting married is a monumental event. Having a baby is a monumental event. Changing insurance plans isn’t really that big of a deal. But it is, you know?

Sometimes ideas have to stew around in my head for a few days before I can articulate them. I just have to sit tight and feel the feelings till the thought bubbles up like a spring coming up from deep within the earth. This idea of going on Medicare…turning sixty-five…is an accomplishment. One not everyone gets to enjoy. Mr. Virgo died at sixty-two. He didn’t get Medicare. He didn’t get to retire. I’ve lived three years longer than he did. There was a time when I didn’t believe I would live this long. And, here I am.

I get to go on Medicare. I get to go to Florida in a couple of weeks. I get to see my Colorado family in July. I get to have some medical procedures in the next few weeks that some people can’t afford. I get to spend my time with a really sweet, kind, caring man who loves me more than anything…and I get to love him right back. I’ve gained more family members through Mr. FixIt. I get to live in West Virginia. I am truly, truly blessed. I know this.

Yesterday was spent cleaning and shampooing the carpets in the basement. A perfect day for working down there since it was so hot and humid out. We had a brief downpour that did nothing but make the air hot and sticky. After we were finished with our chores, we went out in the pool and cleaned some more (pools are high maintenance) and only came in when we heard some thunder. That storm missed us.

A good day working and playing. Yet, I still can’t get over it. Medicare.

How did this happen? ❤️

“Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.” ‭‭2 Corinthians‬ ‭4:16‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Memorial Day Weekend

Sat, 26 May 2018 01:30:32 -0600

“Memorial Day is for Remembering.” It’s not just about barbecues and family get togethers. It’s not about opening up the pool for the season or heading to the hills with the camper. It’s about remembering those who have gone before us. Flags are placed on the graves of veterans. Graves are spruced up and flowers are laid. And we remember.

My mom is buried on the far end there. She has purple flowers. Purple was her favorite color. Just ask anyone who knew her. It went so well with her perfectly white hair. Her headstone has my brother’s name engraved beside hers. The next headstone is my Uncle Bob’s. He lived at home all his life. He had a bad stutter and the kids at school made fun of him so Grandma kept him home to work the farm. He was strong as an ox and had the gentle heart of a lamb. His job every week was to ring the church bell to gather the worshipers at the little white church house on the hill. His headstone is engraved with “Mgr. of the Bell”. He was an angel unawares.

Grandma then Pop-Pop come next. Then Uncle Sonny who was killed in a plane crash in Germany in 1955. He was an Air Force Pilot. He was the light of everyone’s life and the light dimmed greatly for this family when he left us. Even though I don’t remember him, the stories I’ve heard all my life make me feel like I knew him.

Tucked between the two far headstones is a small tuft of Mr. Virgo’s silver hair that I buried when I moved here. Even though he is buried overlooking the house we shared in Colorado, I wanted a piece of him here in the family cemetery where I could visit him. One of my friends lives just a stone’s throw from Mr. Virgo’s final resting place overlooking the golf course we used to play. I texted her yesterday and asked her, yet again, if she could leave a handful of wildflowers on his grave for me this weekend. I know he will get his flag, but I wanted him to have flowers, too. Jeanne told me that even though she never met him when he was living, she feels a kinship with him. She speaks to him every day when she walks through the graves on her way to the hiking trail in the hills beyond. She is always happy to lay a lilac or a peony with a whispered hello from me. She told me she found a glow in the dark golf ball and set it on her kitchen sink. She’s going to take that along as well. He’ll love that!

Here’s a salute to all the men and women who gave of themselves to serve our country. Here’s to those who soldiered on at home while their loved ones were gone. And here’s to the Gold Star parents whose child gave their all, most often on foreign soil, far removed from any comfort they may have provided. That loss weighed so heavy on my grandma. She always pictured that maybe, if she were there, she could have at least been there in his final moments, even though he was killed instantly. A mother thinks these things.

As you celebrate the first grand weekend of summer…please, remember. ??❤??

“Though an army besiege me, my heart will not fear; though war break out against me, even then I will be confident. One thing I ask from the Lord, this only do I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze on the beauty of the Lord and to seek him in his temple. For in the day of trouble he will keep me safe in his dwelling; he will hide me in the shelter of his sacred tent and set me high upon a rock.” ‭‭Psalm‬ ‭27:3-5‬ ‭NIV‬‬

The Royal Wedding

Tue, 15 May 2018 01:30:30 -0600

“St. George’s Chapel, Windsor Castle”

I was a relatively new military bride, expecting my first child, when Hubby #1 and I lived in England. Britain was all abuzz with the news of a Royal Wedding coming that fall. Princess Anne, the only daughter of Queen Elizabeth and Prince Phillip, Duke of Edinburgh, married Mark Phillips on November 14, 1973. The country was bonkers for this event that drew an audience of over 500 million worldwide.

“The Choir Area, St. George’s Chapel, Windsor Castle”

The wedding was on a Wednesday…a workday for my husband…so my friend Gloria watched the wedding with me on television in my little flat. Gloria was a Brit married to an American soldier. I had such a good time with her and she taught me a lot about the differences in cultural norms. Everyone loved the Royals. Most everyone had a portrait of the Queen and the Queen Mum in their homes.

“Stunning architecture of St. George’s Chapel, Windsor Castle”

Princess Anne was married in Westminster Abbey. Meghan Markle, a divorced American actress will marry Prince Harry in St. George’s Chapel at Windsor Castle. I’ve visited both places. While hardly “intimate”, St. George’s Chapel does have a different feel than Westminster Abbey. I love the choir area and Princess Charlotte’s Memorial is stunning. (Princess Charlotte was in line to be the queen but died after giving birth to a stillborn son at the age of 21. The memorial is carved marble and depicts angels taking the baby to heaven as those left behind are separated by a veil.

“Princess Charlotte’s Memorial, St. George’s Chapel”

When Princes Diana and Prince Charles married, the world fell in love with Lady Di. When their son Prince William married his Kate, the world fell in love with her. We are particularly intrigued by Meghan Markle because she is an American. An American Princess.

I’ll be camping during the wedding, so I’ll not be watching. But I’ll follow along online as I can. It brings back such lovely memories of my time living abroad. We even gave our firstborn the middle name “Anne” in honor of the princess. A Royal Wedding is a welcome little break in all the badness that is followed by news coverage. I’m looking forward to something other than politics and bad stuff for a change. The focus will turn back soon enough. ❤️

“with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.” ‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭4:2-3‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Saying Goodbye to the OBX

Sat, 28 Apr 2018 01:30:19 -0600

“Sunset over the Sound, OBX”

After watching the twenty day forecast for the Outer Banks, Mr. FixIt and I were fully prepared for a cold, cloudy, wet week at the beach. As it turned out, the weather predictions were almost entirely incorrect. We had one day that rained all day. The first day we arrived, I had to wear my down coat on the beach. One afternoon, we had a really great thunderstorm. And, that was it. We couldn’t have asked for a better week. Yesterday was around 70 degrees. A gentle breeze came off the ocean, but it was still warm enough to sit out in the sun in a bathing suit…knitting! I got a little sunburned in the spots I missed with the sunscreen, but overall, it was perfect.

Last night’s sunset was a true gift. I turned to Mr. FixIt and asked, “How can anyone sit and watch this and think there is no God?” It was the best sunset of the week by far…we only had two that were picture worthy. We are driving all the way home today so we can go to church tomorrow. We don’t want to miss it. And, remember last summer when I went to the Revival? Well, Pastor Matthew is having one this week and I’m going so get ready for some fired up posts in the coming days!

Get out there this weekend and enjoy the beautiful weather if it’s nice where you are! We only get so many sunsets. ❤

“The whole earth is filled with awe at your wonders; where morning dawns, where evening fades, you call forth songs of joy.” ‭‭Psalm‬ ‭65:8‬ ‭NIV‬‬

“He’s a Texan!”

Sun, 22 Apr 2018 01:30:17 -0600

“He’s a Texan!”

Mr. FixIt is a great travel companion. I have absolutely no sense of direction so between him and Mavis the GPS, I always know just what turn is coming up and what lane to be in. And, unlike Mavis, Mr. FixIt has a million stories that keep me laughing the whole way.

He was telling me about his grandmother yesterday as we drove. Get this…his grandma brought four little boys under the age of ten all the way down here in the mid ‘50s and camped in a tent in a state park for two months at a time…by herself! No electric. No water hookup. No showers. She cooked on a campfire and let these little boys run like the wind. I am in awe of her…I would have LOVED to have met her.

I am forever ribbing Mr. FixIt for his accent and his colloquial turn of a phrase. Appalachian English actually has it’s roots deep in the ancestry of the people here. English, Irish, and Scottish folk have a different way of speaking and it has come down through the generations and resulted in words like “rench” for rinse, “crick” for creek, “boosh” for bush. Things like “we was” instead of we were. “Them” instead of they. They put the letter “a” in front of things like, “I’m a’fixin to go.” They drop the “g” off of everything…”goin’”, “fixin’”, “bein’”. It’s not a matter of education either. Mr. FixIt has three degrees and he still says some things that make me scratch my head and wonder. Being a word nerd, I vacillate between wanting to correct everything to being highly entertained.

When we were driving on Friday, we were behind someone and Mr. FixIt said, “Look at that guy. He’s driving like he’s a Texan!” I thought to myself, “How can he tell that? Are Texans bad drivers?” I brushed it off and drove on. An hour or so later he said, “Look at that…he’s a Texan!” I looked at Mr. FixIt with a puzzled look. He just shrugged and said, “Well, he was!” Again, I didn’t question.

Yesterday, we were on the interstate again and he said, “Oh my gosh…I think that guy is a Texan!” I saw the license plate and said firmly. “He is not! He’s from New York!” This time Mr. FixIt looked at ME weird. He turned back around and looked at the guy as we passed him and he said, “Yep, he was a Texan!” I couldn’t stand it any longer. I had to say something.

“Honey, how on EARTH do you know he’s a Texan just by looking at him???”

Mr. FixIt gave me a funny look then started laughing. “He was a’TEXTIN’! TEXTIN’!”

Seriously…I almost peed my pants laughing.

I love this guy…he’s a never ending source of pure fun! ❤️

“Then our mouth was filled with laughter, and our tongue with shouts of joy; then they said among the nations, “The Lord has done great things for them."” ‭‭Psalms‬ ‭126:2‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Sacrosanct

Sat, 14 Apr 2018 01:30:03 -0600

“It’s good to love again.”

Fridays. Since we first started dating, Fridays have been declared “sacrosanct”…too important or valuable to be interfered with. We don’t make plans with anyone on Fridays. That’s OUR day. We go where we want, do what we want. No obligations other than to enjoy each other’s company to the fullest. I’ve come to love Fridays. We look forward all week long to our special day. It’s special because we declared it so.

We packed up from our week at the farm and headed back to the Ponderosa yesterday. We went to Walmart and bought oil and a filter so I could change the oil on my truck before we leave next week for the beach. It was only the second time I’ve changed the oil and Mr. FixIt sat right there and answered any questions I had. He handed me tools. And he offered words of encouragement when things didn’t go quite as smoothly as they had the first time. First, I tried using the creeper…that thing you lay on and roll under the vehicle. The new ramps Mr. FixIt bought aren’t as high as the old ones and with the creeper under me, I was feeling way too cramped. So I scooted back out and started over by wiggling under the truck. The engine was still pretty warm so the oil was runny and when I took the plug out of the oil pan, it sprayed everywhere. All over me…in my hair. What a mess. But, eventually…I got it done.

I have never had a qualm about doing hefty projects around the house, but I always deferred things like changing the oil to the man of the house or the guy at Jiffy Lube. It never occurred to me to do these things. But after Mr. Virgo died, I felt so incompetent at so many things. I vowed I would learn how to do anything that needed doing so I would never feel that vulnerable again. Mr. FixIt is an excellent teacher and has infinite patience with me. At first, I think it bothered him a bit that I wanted to do things myself. It gives him great pleasure to do things for me. Now he seems to get a big kick out of watching me accomplish something and be so proud of myself.

Loving after loss is different. I’m much more independent and assertive than I have ever been. This love encompasses fierce bravery and incredible tenderness. Case in point…I was putting laundry away yesterday when the song “At Last” came on the playlist. Out of the blue, I was standing in Rivers Restaurant on a crisp April day…dancing in Mr. Virgo’s arms. Our first, and only, dance was at our wedding reception. Nine times out of ten, I can hear that song and smile. Not yesterday. I sat on the edge of the bed and cried. It’s a short song. It was soon over and I dried my eyes and went on about my work. Later, I walked through the kitchen and Mr. FixIt was doing dishes. I stopped and watched him for a few moments. When he was finished, he turned and saw me standing there and smiled as he wiped his hands.

“I love you more than I ever dreamed possible,” I said. “And, even with that deep love, I just sat on the bed and cried when “At Last” came on.”

He knows the significance of the song. He opened his arms wide and drew me into his embrace. He held me close and whispered into my hair.

“Of course you did, sweetheart. It brings back memories.”

That’s all. No attempt to jolly me out of it. No rush to move me along and change the subject. Just honor. And love. And support. And validation. No one…no one could ever ask for anything more beautiful than that. What a wonderful man.

I love Fridays. ❤

“Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.” ‭‭1 Peter‬ ‭4:8‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Standing on the Edge

Thu, 05 Apr 2018 01:30:48 -0600

“The Sweetest Love”

Ever since I changed my Twitter handle to @GriefMaven, I’ve been meeting the coolest people in the grief support community. I have had more interaction and made more connections in the last month than I did in all of the five years prior. I have to admit, I didn’t really “get” Twitter. You send some random thought out, you throw a few hashtags with it in the hopes someone else is interested in said hashtagged subjects, then they like your Tweet. Maybe you get the cherished “Retweet” where they like it so much, they send it on. Or…the Holy Grail of Tweetdom…they FOLLOW you! They like you enough to watch what you’ll say next. I get it now. You can truly build a community in Twitter and I must say I am enjoying it tremendously. It’s an excellent platform to build each other up.

In the process of tweeting and retweeting, I find writers I may not have found otherwise. Such is the case of Catherine Tidd. She wrote a guest post on Hello Grief (hellogrief.org) about dating. The horse has already left the barn for me, but some of you may be thinking about dating again. If so, I couldn’t have written a better article about it that Catherine did with “Time to Cast the Line”. (I’ll leave the link at the bottom of this post.)

Ever since I started dating Mr. FixIt, there has been this deep “feeling” I haven’t been able to express. It flits to the surface on occasion and I stuff it back down because people might not understand. Heck…even I don’t understand. So I stuff it back down, feeling like I should be celebrating something but can’t let myself. Catherine’s article articulates what I’ve been feeling so well, so I’ll just share it here. And then we’ll discuss it.

This is the best relationship I have ever been in.

There. I’ve said it. It’s the best, really. It’s deeper. It’s broader. It’s lighter. It’s easier. It’s filled with love and laughter and light and God. I was so afraid admitting this would somehow be disrespectful of what I had before. So, what does that mean about my marriage? My relationship with Mr. Virgo? Our life and love?

Absolutely. Nothing.

You know why? Because I’m not the same woman Mr. Virgo married. I’m not the same woman that lived with him. I’m not the same woman that loved him. I’m so much more now…BECAUSE I had him. BECAUSE I was married to him. BECAUSE I loved him. And…BECAUSE he died. I hate when people tell you everything happens for a reason. My friend, Debbie Weiss (@thehungoverwidow) says she hates when someone says everything happens for a reason, as if her husband’s death was necessary to stave off a plague of frogs. (Read her…she’s funny!)

I didn’t have to lose Mr. Virgo to gain some sort of amazing insight into my existence. I didn’t have to lose him to achieve a grand level of personal growth. But…those things happened, and I’m a different person than I was before. (Remember my pickle/cucumber analogy?) Like Catherine says in her article…who knows if Mr. Virgo would even LIKE who I am now? I’m stronger and much more outspoken. I’m a hundred times more independent. When I want to pick up and go…I go. He told me from the outset that he didn’t date women who wanted to pick up and go. He wanted someone who would be there with him. So…I was there. I don’t regret it. Not for a minute. But I’m not that same person. And, fortunately, Mr. FixIt knows that and understands me.

I could never find another man like Mr. Virgo. And if I did, maybe it wouldn’t work for me in this incarnation of myself. Does that mean I don’t still love him. Of course not. Does it mean I’ve “gotten over him?” Oh, h*** no! You don’t ever “get over” someone you loved with the white hot heat of the sun. But the sun is shining again. And…the sun shines bright now because I longed for the sun…I was so ready for the sun…I will cherish every moment I can get in the sun.

It’s ok if you don’t ever want to date again. I am behind you 100%. Some people are just happy as little clams to not be bothered. Good for you! You know yourself and that is awesome. But, if you feel…even a little bit…that you miss the companionship of another, the warmth of another, the humor of another….don’t be afraid. There are good men out there. There really are. Mr. FixIt is proof of that. This is the best…really. ❤️

www.hellogrief.org/time-to-c…

“And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them. This is how love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment: In this world we are like Jesus. There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. We love because he first loved us.” ‭‭1 John‬ ‭4:16-19‬ ‭NIV‬‬

#love, #MovingForward, #relationships

He is Risen!

Sun, 01 Apr 2018 01:30:30 -0600

“He is Risen!”

May you Rejoice and have a Blessed Easter. What was once nothing more than a Hallmark holiday for me has become a day of Rejoicing in the Risen Christ. Mr. FixIt and I went to church last night. They offered two services yesterday and two today. We felt Saturday would be less crowded. Wow…were we wrong! There wasn’t a seat in the place at the 5:00 service. The Worship Team outdid themselves and Pastor Justin gave an amazing message about just exactly WHO Jesus really is. It was wonderful!

If you are a practicing Jew, this is the Passover season. I hope you enjoyed your Seders with friends and family and that your brisket was tender! I was a practicing Jew for 27 years. I organized the Seders for our small town. In 1986, we had 10 people. By the time I quit organizing them ten years later, 75 people attended. I had to finally give it over to a committee because it became too much. People brought side dishes and helped, but they always wanted me to make my famous Matzo Ball Soup and the Charoset and the Brisket and the Kugel. One year I even made homemade Gefilte Fish. It was a ton of work but there is nothing quite so fulfilling as feeding crowds their favorite holiday dishes.

I met my writing deadlines last week. Now it’s time to get those taxes done so it’s back to the farm tonight where I can spread out my papers without distraction. I’ve made continued progress on copying content over to the website. I wish I would have listened to my gut instincts four years ago and built the website then so I wouldn’t have this backlog. But, hindsight is 20/20. It will be great when everything is on the web page because you’ll be able to look back at the early posts more easily. When new widows come on board, they may not find posts they can relate to in my current writing. So I want them to have easy access to relatable topics.

It’s April…can you believe that??? My Pop-Pop was born 119 years ago. He died when he was 72. I had just graduated from high school and it was my first experience with death. My Grandma was so strong. She lost a son 15 years before in a plane crash. I miss them so much. Their farm offers me solace and it’s such a peaceful place to write.

Enjoy this beautiful spring day! ❤️

“They found the stone rolled away from the tomb, but when they entered, they did not find the body of the Lord Jesus.” ‭‭Luke‬ ‭24:2-3‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Be Still My Heart

Sat, 24 Mar 2018 01:30:13 -0600

“Is there anything sweeter than little girl socks?”

Is there anything cuter than little girl socks with little girl feet in them? We got to see our little sugar bean yesterday at her first visit with the Easter Bunny. There was a mommy and daddy, a granny, three great grandmas and a great grandpa in attendance for such a monumental event. Then we all went out for dinner. It was a beautiful day!

With the five year anniversary of Mr. Virgo’s death past me, I’m feeling much better…hopeful, centered, happy, peaceful. I’m was talking with a couple of other widows the other day about being in “moving forward” mode. I write so much about grief because I took this on as my ministry. And, even though I WRITE it, I hope you understand that I don’t feel sad every single day anymore. I write with empathy for those in the throes of grief. For those who are new on the journey. For those who still struggle no matter how much time has passed. I am healthier this way. I seem to have found my balance now, even though the scales still get tipped back toward sadness from time to time. This is the nature of the beast.

I hope you have a beautiful day. Get out there and enjoy the first weekend of Spring!!! ❤️

“Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from him.” ‭‭Psalm‬ ‭127:3‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Change Your Focus

Fri, 02 Mar 2018 02:30:53 -0600

“Imagine if we obsessed about the things we LOVE about ourselves.”

I’d love to have all the hours back that I obsessed about the things I didn’t like about myself. My hair. My body. My nose. My “flaws”…real or imagined. Can you imagine if we never, ever looked in the mirror and hated something we saw? Oh…what I really hate is that I put my faith in someone who judged me by my appearance. I really hate that I saw my self-worth through someone else’s lens. For…far…too…long.

One of the wonderful things about rapidly approaching Medicare age is the ability to see myself as I truly am. I’m a slightly overweight, active grandma with great hair and pretty feet. I was talking with Mr. FixIt this week when we went on our little trip. I was telling him about a time in my life when I really hated who I was. Then I grew to hate that I couldn’t speak up and change the situation I was in that contributed to it. He looked at me and smiled. He said, “Well, you sure are a strong, opinionated woman now. You don’t take crap off of anyone!” My heart exploded. He GETS me!

Every day, I focus on my word of the year. Presence. I am not that naive young girl who went into relationships looking for a knight in shining armor. I am not that willowy young thing who could eat anything I wanted and not gain an ounce. I don’t have the stamina that I had when I was 30…40…50….heck, 60! But, I love who I am. I am more of the woman in Proverbs 31 than I ever have been.

Pastor Justin illustrated God’s forgiveness last Sunday in a way that will forever change how I look at myself. He was sitting at a table with a bottle of water. He always keeps a small towel nearby because it’s quite hot up there under the lights and he has a tendency to get fired up. He was talking about how we are made new when we accept Christ in our hearts. He died for our sins. That means, they are taken away. The old is gone.

He covered the water bottle with the towel. “This is what happens when we are forgiven.”

He pulled the towel back a bit. “The enemy wants us to keep looking back. He keeps reminding us of who we were. But that’s not who we are now.”

He picked up the bottle, totally wrapped in the towel and said, “When we’ve been saved, God looks at us and sees Christ…not the old, beat up, soiled version of us…but the Christ-loving version.”

My eyes swelled with tears when the full realization hit me that I don’t have to carry around all that baggage…all those burdens…all that self-loathing. It is not prideful to love and appreciate yourself as a child of God.

I like my feet. I like my smile. I like my compassionate heart. I like the way my hair is graying with natural streaks. I used to pay a lot of money for that. I love the way every cell in my body was made new when I was saved. Appreciate yourself. Love yourself. Not in an arrogant, self-centered, narcissistic way. You are the only YOU there is in the world. The only YOU that has ever been or ever will be. God made you just this way with the very gifts the world needs that only YOU can give. Since scripture tells us to love others as we love ourselves the opposite must also be true. Love yourself as you love others. ❤

“We love because he first loved us.” ‭‭1 John‬ ‭4:19‬ ‭NIV‬‬

West Virginia Wanderings

Wed, 28 Feb 2018 02:30:18 -0600

At the WVU Basketball Game

After having breakfast with a granddaughter who is a student at WVU, we headed off to explore the area further south where my ancestors were from. I have this thing for cemeteries. I am always curious as to who these people were. Do they still have visitors? Do they have people who remember them and tell their stories? Or has it been so long that all of their loved ones are dead and gone and no one knows to even look for them. Or…worse yet…no one cares.

We drove through three counties before we finally found the cemetery I was originally looking for. But we found surprises along the way. First, when I was looking for my step-great grandmother…the only one I knew…I found she was buried beside her first husband, under his name. No mention of her last husband, my great grandfather. I am not surprised. He was a bit of a scoundrel and that is probably one bit of family history her kids would like to forget.

The next place we stumbled upon was the West Virginia National Cemetery. I did not realize there are 135 national cemeteries under the auspices of the Department of Veterans Affairs’ National Cemetery Administration in 40 states (and Puerto Rico) as well as 33 soldier’s lots and monument sites. The West Virginia cemetery is vastly smaller than the most famous…Arlington National Cemetery. And still…the identical small white headstones stretched in meticulous formation across the rolling hills of green in a sobering reminder of those who have served our country, many giving their lives for the privilege. I was humbled by that.

WV National Cemetery

The last stop was Harmony Grove Cemetery near Grafton, West Virginia. I was looking for one set of great grandparents and had read the death certificate incorrectly. They weren’t buried there after all. As we were driving through on our way out, a name jumped out at me and I called out…”Stop the truck!” I jumped out and ran down a lane of old headstones. Somewhere I had caught a glimpse of the name Mauller, but it got lost in the rows and blended in. I retraced my steps from the original vantage point and there they were! I was so excited to find the graves of two of my 3rd great grandparents along with a couple of their many children. I talked to them and told them who I was and how I came to be. I even have a picture of “Tillie” in my family tree. I was really excited to get this surprise piece of the puzzle.

My 3rd Great Grandparents

I often use Find-a-Grave to research where my ancestors are buried. Most of the time, someone has snapped a picture of the headstone and I can add it to my tree. I’ve had a picture of these headstones for years but never saw them. But here’s the bummer part of the story. When I got home, I looked Harmony Grove up on Find-a-Grave and…would you believe…there’s about twenty more of my family buried there and I didn’t see them!!! It was getting late and Mr. FixIt and I were both getting pretty hungry and tired and I just didn’t do my due diligence. It’s ok, though. This allows for another nice drive in the country. AND…we had dinner at one of our favorite restaurants…Olivierio’s in Clarksburg. The BEST Italian food!

To top the day off, we stopped at the farm to feed the kitties and decided to stay the night so I am snuggled in grandma’s bed as I write this, listening to the water in the creek, and feeling so rich and complete. We remarked at dinner that we feel like we’ve been on vacation for a week and it cost just a little over $100! What a wonderful break. And…this weekend is a Girl Camper trip so stay tuned for some camping (ok, cabin-ing) fun!!! ❤️

“I thank my God every time I remember you.” ‭‭Philippians‬ ‭1:3‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Date Night

Tue, 27 Feb 2018 02:30:01 -0600

“Budding Branches”

Mr. FixIt and I live a pretty frugal life. We are careful in our spending so that we can afford small indulgences now and then. We both came from mixed backgrounds. We’ve both known what it’s like to have very little and to have much. We have a healthy appreciation of both. Because we came together later in life, money will be something we watch carefully. We have become good stewards of what God has given us.

There was a time when either one of us would have gone to games and concerts without thinking of the cost. And to be honest, now that we give a great deal of consideration toward our outings, we actually enjoy and remember them more. I can’t tell you much about the vacation to Hawaii with Hubby #2, but I can tell you where we sat, where we ate, who we played, and the nature of the basketball game we attended a year ago. Of course, the company you keep makes a difference in how memorable an occasion is, don’t you agree?

We drove up to Morgantown yesterday to see WVU beat Texas Tech…soundly. It was a good game. Not nearly as tight and exciting as the Baylor game last year, but it was Senior Night and the graduating seniors were honored. It was fun to see them go out on a winning note.

As we walked to dinner from our hotel, we remarked at what a gorgeous, sunny afternoon it was. The trees are budding as a result of the recent warming trend which may end up being a bad thing if we get a late frost. The variety of birds is increasing and it is such a lovely thing to hear nature’s orchestra filling out.

We get to take one of the grandchildren out for breakfast this morning as she is a student here. Afterward, we are going to explore around the area where my ancestors lived. We stopped at Prickett’s Fort on our way up to Morgantown yesterday. I have people in my family tree buried there. It’s a fun, overnight trip, not terribly expensive, and filled with love. ❤️

“She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.” ‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭31:27‬ ‭NIV‬‬

My Love Has a Name

Mon, 26 Feb 2018 02:30:45 -0600

“My Love Has a Name…Jesus”

I am always pumped on Mondays. My “Monday Morning Motivation” begins Sunday when Mr. FixIt and I walk into church. I’ve never gone to a church that has been so uplifting. I have never in my life looked forward to Sundays like I do now! It is such an amazing feeling to carry God with me into my week.

The Praise and Worship Team sang a new song yesterday by the Christian rock band, Jesus Culture called “Love Has a Name”. Our sermon series for the month of February was entitled “Love Handles”. Yesterday, Pastors Justin and Heather sat down and talked to us about 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 and put it in the perspective of our relationships. Let’s break it down.

“Love is patient.” When Mr. FixIt takes an inordinate amount of time to type something out on his phone, my first instinct is to grab the phone and do it myself in about half the time. I’m not considering the fact that my fingers are half the size and I’ve spent a gazillion more hours typing on a keyboard as a writer than he has as a mechanical engineer designing tools. I have to remind myself to emulate God’s love…God’s perfect love…and be patient. It isn’t always easy, but I try.

“Love is kind.” Show of hands…how many of you have cast a disparaging look at your significant other when he’s done something you think is stupid? How many have done the whole eye roll thing? That, in and of itself, is a very unkind thing to do. I’ve done it. I don’t like that I have. As a matter of fact, I read an article once by a marriage counselor and he said one of the tell tale signs that a marriage would fail was if one or the other partner rolled their eyes. It’s dismissive. It isn’t always easy, but I try.

“It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.” I see this to mean those times when your significant other bests you in some way. Or you, him. Lording it over the other with one-upsmanship brings competition into the equation and that can be very damaging to a relationship. I remember Hubby #2 and I took an online IQ test and I came out higher than he did. He was a doctor and I always felt somewhat “less than”, for a number of reasons. I rubbed that in and it didn’t go over well. It isn’t always easy, but I try.

“It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.” You dishonor others by being disrespectful. This is a self-seeking behavior. Love is not easily angered. Pastor Heather said she heard something a long time ago that has always stuck with her. “Take the pause.” When something strikes you wrong, stop and take a breath before you lash out and say something you will regret later. That brings us to “no record of wrongs”. How many times have we held onto those slights and honed them to a rapier edge, only to slash our partner with them later. Maybe we “forgave” them, but brought it up anyway. It isn’t always easy, but I try.

“Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.” Discord, cruelty, mean-spiritedness are evils that can take root in relationships, but the power of truth in real love is something you should always strive for. It isn’t always easy, but I try.

“It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” You should always protect your love. Always trusting doesn’t mean being gullible, but being fair minded and believe in your spouse. Always hope for the best in your spouse. And always persevere…keep going, even when the going gets tough. It isn’t always easy, but I try.

I have learned to love Jesus more than anyone or anything. Everyone…even those you hold the closest to your heart…will disappoint you. Jesus will never disappoint. If we hold him at the center of all equations, we have far greater chance of success in every relationship…family, work, friends, school…everywhere.

This is the song they sang yesterday…”Love Has a Name”. My love has a name…Jesus. ❤

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” ‭‭1 Corinthians‬ ‭13:4-7‬ ‭NIV‬‬

youtu.be/cZOBtpJ0_…

Grandmother Faces

Sun, 25 Feb 2018 02:30:23 -0600

“Grandma and me at about the same age.”

I met my gal pals for coffee yesterday…these magnificent ‘71 Divas Do Coffee. We started meeting once a month about four years ago to gather at a coffee shop and participate in a little “caffeine therapy”. I had a coffee group in Colorado that met once a week for 35 years and I really missed the camaraderie. I gathered up my friends and invited them out and now we can’t imagine not getting to see each other at least that once a month visit. There are now offshoots of the group that meet for lunch almost every week. Some of them meet to take care of a flower garden in the City Park. A few of them are going to drive down Monday to see a sick friend in Huntington. They are a grand group of gals with many common bonds…predominantly graduating high school together.

Some of us were talking yesterday about how different our grandmas were when they were our age. And how we looked at them then as SO old. We are just heading into our Medicare years. We are active, healthy, and youthful compared to our counterparts when they were 65.

Now, don’t get me wrong. My grandma was a hard worker. She could work circles around women half her age. But there were differences. Some grandmas in the ‘60s worked at home. They had raised their kids and their gardens…they washed clothes in a wringer washer and hung them outside to dry. They washed their kitchen floors on their hands and knees. They rarely went to the doctor. They baked their own bread, canned and preserved food from their land. They killed rattlesnakes and copperheads in the outhouse. They cut down trees and hauled brush. They wore sensible shoes and modest cotton house dresses with a belt and a pocket for their hankies. They may not have had much formal education yet they were smart in every way necessary. They knew their neighbors and they knew their bibles. They more than likely didn’t drink or smoke. They were a different breed.

Our generation had many more opportunities than our grandparents’ did. We moved from the farm and worked a 9-5 at an office or nursing at a hospital. We worked hard, to be sure…but not necessarily at hard labor. We got better educations, better healthcare. We voted and protested and worked for women’s rights. We bought our food in a grocery store. We had modern conveniences like automatic washing machines and dryers and dishwashers and microwaves. We bought ourselves some time. We had clubs and entertainment. We had television and news of world events. And we inched ever closer to that glass ceiling.

Fashion aside, 65 year old grandmothers now are vastly different than most grandmothers of the ‘50s and ‘60s. Did my grandma FEEL old when she was my age? Do our grandchildren SEE us as ancient like we saw our grandparents. It boils down to how WE feel and I feel younger in most ways than I did thirty years ago. I know that won’t last forever. I’m feeling the pain of arthritis in my hands and knees and hips. I don’t remember quite as well as I used to. I have to take a handful of pills at night. But, I’m telling you this right now…I won’t go down without a fight! Because…today is the BEST day…the ONLY day that matters. I’m looking forward to many more. ❤

“Gray hair is a crown of splendor; it is attained in the way of righteousness.” ‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭16:31‬ ‭NIV‬‬

I’ll Pray for You

Sat, 24 Feb 2018 02:30:31 -0600

“I’ll Pray for You”

How many times do we say that? Something happens to someone and we automatically say, “I’ll pray for you!” We hear of a tragedy and we say, “I’ll pray for you!” How many times do we say that…and forget to pray? Or, how about when you’re scrolling through Facebook and someone asks for prayers. We might type “Prayers!” Or “Done!” Or my personal favorite…”???” A furtive “God, please give this woman what she’s asking for.” These are good things, don’t get me wrong. But we can do so much better.

I was working one afternoon after Mr. Virgo died and I noticed one of my coworkers was tearful. She was trying to hide it at her desk and I didn’t want to intrude. I got halfway down the hall when the Holy Spirit whispered…

“Go to her…now.”

“Awwww….c’mon. I’ve got a list of phone calls that would choke a horse! I haven’t even started the pharmacy refills yet. And I need to fax those reports. I’m really busy. Someone will help her. I’ll pray for her tonight when I get home.”

“Go to her…NOW!”

“Oooooooh…you mean…NOW! Sure!”

I turned on my heel and went back to my coworker’s desk. I didn’t say anything. She didn’t look at me, but she knew I was there. Her shoulders slumped and shook with silent sobs. I placed my hand on her shoulder and she immediately leaned into me and cried harder.

I whispered. “I don’t know what you’re going through right now…and I don’t need to know. But if you want, I would love to pray with you right now. Would that be ok?”

She whispered back, “Yes! Yes, please!”

I closed the door to her office, knelt beside her and took her hand. And prayed. I prayed for God’s love to wrap around my friend and comfort her. I prayed for strength and courage in whatever she was facing. I prayed God would use whatever trial she was walking through to bring her closer to him so she would know there was someone who always loved her, always had her back.

It didn’t take long…just a couple minutes. My friend felt so much better afterwards and my work was still there, waiting for me. I felt better, too. Because, I actually did what I said I would do. By praying with my friend, I did more than placate her to make her feel better. I called on the living God…the Highest Power…to come into the situation and work on it.

I once heard of a man in our church that was going through a rough patch. His friend was talking to him on the phone. They were both on the highway but several miles apart. The man asked his friend with the troubles to pull off at the next wide spot. Soon, he caught up and there, along I-70…the man placed his hand on his friend’s shoulder, lifted his other hand to the sky, and prayed. Right there for all to see.

I don’t think you should ever miss the opportunity to pray with somebody. Of course, pray FOR them anytime. But pray WITH them whenever you can. It’s good for everyone. ❤

“For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.”” ‭‭Matthew‬ ‭18:20‬ ‭NIV‬‬

A Taste of Spring

Wed, 21 Feb 2018 02:30:19 -0600

“Burger al Fresco”

One of the upsides of Facebook memories is documented progress. One of my readers shared a post yesterday that I wrote a year ago. I was declaring how gorgeous spring is in West Virginia. I observed the earth coming back to life, the shoots of spring bulbs exploding from the moist soil, the greening up of the world. I spoke of all the new babies being born in the fields surrounding the farm. And I talked about budding romances and how I was ready to try again. And here I am…a year later and in a relationship with a wonderful man. He is a constant reminder of how good God is to me.

We awoke yesterday to the most gorgeous of early spring days. I had a dream. I don’t remember my dreams like I used to before Mr. Virgo died. And I seldom dream of him. I dreamt I was supposed to send Mr. Virgo a text every day with a scripture in it. Suddenly, he stopped responding to my texts. I looked everywhere for him. I asked everyone if they had seen him and they just stared blankly back at me. Six months went by and then a year, then three. No word. Then, out of the blue, someone told me he had “moved on”. I felt confused. Did he move on as in, he left me for someone else? When I was fully awake, I realized what “moved on” really meant. I had an instant wave of the creepy crawlies on the backs of my arms, then it went away and I was fine. Grief visits fleetingly sometimes…like a sparrow flitting in the brush just out of view.

The temperature got up over 80 degrees. We had coffee by the pool and then headed to the farm. We cleaned inside and out. Mr. FixIt filled the bird feeders. I changed the spotlight on the three story barn. We stopped at the neighborhood grocer and bought a pound of fresh ground hamburger and sliced longhorn cheese. When we got home, we took the grill from the garage and put it on the deck by the pool and grilled burgers outside. It was sheer heaven to sit out in shorts and enjoy the evening.

Some days get burned in your memory to keep for all time. That was yesterday. There were a lot of trees down from the saturated soil and the brisk winds earlier in the day. Baby calves lay in the muddy fields by their mamas. A cardinal sang in the forsythia bush by the side gate. Mr. FixIt took the drone he got for Christmas and went outside to “play” after supper. I heard a tree fall in the woods beyond the field. A rooster crowed in the distance. Neighbors waved as they passed by. My heart felt full and ached with the beauty of it all. Jesus promised he would make all things new one day. Spring is his way of giving us a taste of things to come.

I am all too aware of how fragile this life is. It could be gone tomorrow. So I practice my word of the year and stay present. And I thank God for every moment. ❤️

“He who was seated on the throne said, “I am making everything new!” Then he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.”” ‭‭Revelation‬ ‭21:5‬ ‭NIV‬‬

An Open Letter to the Shooter

Tue, 20 Feb 2018 02:30:16 -0600

“Writing in TOW-Wanda”

While the world recoils in horror at the havoc you have wrought, I want you to know something. I have tears for the terribly tragic loss of these beautiful people you have cut down who will never have the opportunity to reach their potential. But, believe it or not, I have tears for you, too. While those parents prepare to lay their babies to rest, I wonder if there’s anyone there for you. Because I have a feeling there hasn’t been…probably for a very, very long time.

I don’t know you. We are just beginning to get some details about who you are. I know you were adopted. I know your adopted father died several years ago and your adopted mother died in November. Your teachers tried to help from as far back as sixth grade. I heard the impassioned speech one of your former classmates made. She said they always knew there was something wrong.

I don’t know your whole story. I know you were adopted as an infant. But, I’d be willing to bet any amount of money that you were quiet and shy as a young child. Awkward. You didn’t fit in. You were bullied. You were never picked to be on the team. You were labeled as that weird kid. You didn’t get invited to birthday parties and sleepovers. You were lonely, sad, depressed and isolated, I can just about guarantee that. And you were angry. You lashed out with little self control.

Did you ever have someone to hold you and rock you and tell you how much you were loved? Did you have someone to take you to church and teach you about how much Jesus loves you? You had mental health issues and teachers tried and tried tried to help. But you somehow fell through the cracks.

I know this isn’t going to be the most popular post right now because moms and dads are putting their children in the ground as we speak. People are angry. People are crying out for change and somehow there needs to be change. If you never had access to those guns while you were in such pain, I can pretty much guarantee there would be seventeen families enjoying each other’s company tonight instead of trying to figure out how to keep on living. I don’t know how we could have prevented this tragedy but we as a nation need to figure it out. Now…before it happens again. Because…it WILL happen again.

While I cry for those who are in pain tonight, I shed tears for you as well. I’m so sorry you felt this was your only way to be heard. I’m sorry you didn’t get the help you needed. I’m sorry you didn’t know how to find your way back from the abyss. I’m sorry you lost hope. I know you are broken, and you will never walk free in the sunshine again. You won’t get married and have babies and vacations and grow old in a job you love and look forward to retirement. This is the price you will pay for the choices you made. There’s nothing that can be done about that. But I want you to know something….and this I know beyond a shadow of a doubt.

God loves you.

God STILL loves you. And so do I. You wanna know why? Because the God I know loves ALL of his children…equally. He loves you exactly the same way as he loves me and your mom and the policemen who captured you and your attorney and the judge and all the moms and dads and students of that school in Florida. Who can you think of that’s really, really good? The Pope? Mother Teresa? Billy Graham? Joel Osteen? Our Father in heaven doesn’t love you one bit less than he loves them. God hates the sin…but he loves the sinner.

That doesn’t mean you won’t be judged. You will…by the court of man and the court of God. But you can be forgiven. If you haven’t already, you can ask Jesus into your life and I promise you will never be alone again. You will always have someone who loves you. So, while I pray for those families your actions shattered, I will also be praying for you. I will pray that you seek shelter with God. I will pray that you get the help you need. I pray that you will talk to God every hour, every day, for the rest of your life.

A spirit of forgiveness is a noble thing. I hope those to whom you transgressed will someday find it in their hearts to forgive you. For their own benefit as much as anything. It is the hardest thing to wrap our minds around when some sins seem so much worse than others. God’s heart is broken over this, yet he still loves you. Always has, always will. ❤

“You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Since we have now been justified by his blood, how much more shall we be saved from God’s wrath through him! For if, while we were God’s enemies, we were reconciled to him through the death of his Son, how much more, having been reconciled, shall we be saved through his life! Not only is this so, but we also boast in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.” ‭‭Romans‬ ‭5:6-11‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Love is an Action Word

Mon, 19 Feb 2018 02:30:31 -0600

I’m doing something different today. Usually I write my essay then I go read and find a bible verse that best suits my message of the day. It’s easier that way for me because I look for verses about a certain theme, read and study them, then choose the one that speaks to me. To take a verse and pontificate on it seems a bit foreign after writing for nearly five years the other way. But today…I want to talk to you about Romans 12:6-8 specifically.

As we always do, Mr. FixIt and I stood and held hands as we prayed and sang with the praise team in church yesterday. And, as I always do on the third song, I closed my eyes and prayed. I thanked God for all he has blessed us with. I thanked him for bringing me this fine man to stand with me in church to praise with me. I recited the Prayer of Jabez and asked that he bless me indeed, that he expand my territory, walk with his hand over me, and keep evil far from me that I may not feel pain. Then I asked…”If you have a specific message for me today, please deliver it to me through Pastor Justin.” Amen

We’ve been doing a series entitled “Love Handles”. Not the muffin tops above our jeans from eating too many Oreos, but the action word…LOVE. The love we take out into the world. As Christians, we are called to be different. We aren’t supposed to go out and blend into the world. We should be shining the light of the Holy Spirit out into the world so brightly that people take notice when we walk into a room. Pastor Justin’s first Bible reading yesterday was Romans 12:6-8. It tells us that God, in his infinite grace, has given us all gifts for doing certain things very well…be it prophesy, service, teaching, encouraging, giving, leadership, or kindness. If you have a talent that comes to you easily and you do it very well, that is your gift. That is what you are here to share.

Tears came to my eyes when I listened to the verse being read. “If God has given you the ability to prophesy, speak out with as much faith as God has given you.” Prophesy has several meanings but the one I believe was being directed to me was “preach”. As I have grown in my faith and through this blog, I was led by the Holy Spirit to include scripture in my writing. If you were here when that started, you may remember the conversation I had with God in church when I got that message loud and clear and I argued vehemently against it. I did NOT want to “be that person.” I didn’t want to be “preachy” and turn people off.

There have been instances when I see that people have “unliked” this page when I get too “churchy”. But I have to say, the most interaction this page receives is when my post is truly aligned with my heart, and thus…my faith. When I share my truth, my stories, through the lens of faith…they seem to reach through the miles and touch hearts. I’ve been feeling God nudging me to continue in that direction. That doesn’t mean every post here is going to be a sermon, because it isn’t. What it means is, I’m going to be a little less worried about what people think when I talk about God. It’s really easy to talk about God in a room full of believers. It is not nearly so easy to prophesy to those who don’t believe the same way I do. God has given me a gift of words. It is my duty to put them to the best use I can. I hope you will stick around and see where this goes because I think it’s going to get interesting. ❤

“So we are to use our different gifts in accordance with the grace that God has given us. If our gift is to speak God’s message, we should do it according to the faith that we have; if it is to serve, we should serve; if it is to teach, we should teach; if it is to encourage others, we should do so. Whoever shares with others should do it generously; whoever has authority should work hard; whoever shows kindness to others should do it cheerfully.” ‭‭Romans‬ ‭12:6-8‬ ‭GNB‬‬

The Mountain

Sun, 18 Feb 2018 02:30:26 -0600

“My Hope is in You Alone” - MercyMe

I was writing last night and listening to a channel on Amazon Music called “Relaxing Christian Music”. MercyMe came on and sang “Even If You Don’t”. It’s about those times when your faith is challenged by the hardships you face in life. It made me think of the losses so many are facing. There are seventeen mothers and fathers preparing to lay their children to rest this week. It is easy to ask questions like, “Where was God during all this?” “How can God let bad things happen to innocent people…especially children?”

Life can be really difficult. It can be filled with challenges and unfulfilled dreams. Disappointments. Hurts. Horrors. And…it can be filled with absolutely unmovable mountains.

It’s easier to maintain our faith when the skies are sunny and life is good. When we are knee deep in blessings and goodness rains down on us like a spring shower, we’re good. But…what happens when the darkness comes? How do we maintain our faith when God seems to have abandoned us and is far, far away?

God is capable of all things. I know he can do anything. I’ve seen him do it. When I was a little girl and I sat at my grandma’s knee, I asked her how she knew Jesus was who he said he was. How did she know he really walked on water? She smiled knowingly and patted my hand. “You just have to have faith, pet.” she said in her wise grandma way. It took me most of my life to absorb that…and to believe it.

Faith.

What is faith? The Bible tells us faith is the “substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” The substance of my hope is a loving God who can move mountains. The evidence of things not seen is when he refuses and I still believe in him.

Sometimes God refuses to move the mountain that is in your way because that mountain is in HIS plan…not yours. My biggest mountain was losing Mr. Virgo. God knew that could shake my faith. So he let me see something. He let me see the essence of my husband’s spirit as it left his body. I was forever changed. Not only by the loss itself, but by the certainty that we go someplace else when we die, we are not alone and there is a power far greater than me at work in the world. That power…to me…is God. I will not understand the whys until I get where I am going…but I know the WHO.

This has been a difficult year so far. There has been so much loss in the world. So many unmovable mountains. When I face these times, I find leaning into God and trusting him is the only way to get through it.

He CAN move mountains. And…sometimes he chooses not to. It is the pure essence of faith when you can still believe in God when you have trouble seeing the evidence of his existence.

My HOPE is in him…even when he doesn’t answer.

MercyMe - Even If You Don’t https://youtu.be/B6fA35Ved-Y

“Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” ‭‭Hebrews‬ ‭11:1‬ ‭KJV‬‬

Airing Out

Sat, 17 Feb 2018 02:30:09 -0600

Kicking Back by the Pool

We have had a few really warm days here in West Virginia, even though it’s been rainy and grey. I’ve been staying put a lot this year. Last year was crazy busy for me and I traveled a lot. There was also the car accident a year ago. Mr. FixIt had his hand surgery the first week of December and now he’s having pretty intense hand therapy, and I am taking advantage of the down time to just be still. We have some fun things scheduled, but for now, I’m kind of liking this homebody stuff.

We have a lot of meals together and I have found a new joy in cooking. I also enjoy those two or three hours three times a week he’s at PT and I can be alone with my thoughts and my keyboard. It’s been good for me. The other day the temperature got up to the low 70’s. It felt so good to go outside and put my feet up and breathe the clean country air at Mr. FixIt’s place.

There’s water everywhere right now. The ground is saturated and the rain keeps coming. We got a little water in the basement yesterday morning, but nothing like last month. Mr. FixIt built a dam to keep the water out and it would have worked perfectly except the sump pump didn’t turn on like it was supposed to. We’ll do a permanent fix this summer. The Ohio River is supposed to crest on Sunday three feet above flood stage. It’s that time of year. We are likely to still have some snow in the coming two or three weeks, but there is an end in sight now and that makes me breathe easier.

I think we will spend some time in the coming week going through some boxes marked “garage sale” and get rid of some stuff. I had a request in the last couple of weeks to revisit the topic of downsizing so we’ll get into that, too. Have a wonderful Saturday, everyone! ❤️

“Do you not know that you are God’s temple and that God’s Spirit dwells in you?” ‭‭1 Corinthians‬ ‭3:16‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Skeletons in the Closet

Sun, 04 Feb 2018 02:30:45 -0600

Exploring genealogy can lead to some real surprises. Family secrets like the baby “born” to the woman in her sixties with a 16 year old daughter. To save face, the grandparents registered the birth as their own instead of their unwed daughter, even though the daughter continued to raise that little girl plus two more. Or how about the man who stole a pig, was exonerated, then got in a fight with the sheriff over something completely different and killed him in a barroom brawl. There’s suicides, like my great great uncle who had horrible lifelong pain from arthritis or one of Mr. FixIt’s distant relatives who took arsenic. You never know what you might find when you delve into the past.

When I was a little girl, I had a special aunt. She lifted me up and made me feel good about myself. I remember her stooping down to tell me how beautiful I looked in periwinkle blue. It made my heart sing and I absolutely adored her. I grew up emulating her every move, style, thought. She was married to my dad’s brother and she did NOT like that side of the family. Unfortunately, she instilled that in me and I never really had much of a relationship with them. But I was one of her “special ones”. We talked for hours…HOURS. I basked in her attention.

Then, somewhere along the line…there was a rift. I wasn’t allowed to come see her anymore. I had done something my uncle didn’t approve of and that was that. It was easier to let me go than to deal with his anger. I didn’t talk with her for a long time. Then Mr. Virgo died. I just had to talk to her…just one more time. I called and left a message. And told her I would try her only once more the following afternoon. When I called back, she picked up on the first ring. It was like old times. I collapsed into my beloved aunt’s love and she comforted me in my loss. She listened to me cry. We talked for two hours and when it came time to ring off, I sensed this was the last time I would ever talk with her. I wanted to make it count.

I told her to listen to me. I told her I knew it wasn’t her turning me away because she didn’t love me. I knew the uncomfortable situation she was in. It was a different time. Women were more dependent…for a number of reasons. She couldn’t walk away. I understood that. I told her I loved her very much, I knew I was still one of her “special ones”, and I didn’t blame her. She cried. She thanked me for understanding. I told her goodbye. That was five years ago.

I’m telling you…I was a late bloomer. I didn’t learn the lessons of your 20’s till I was in my 60’s. When an impressionable young girl is under the spell of a powerful mother figure, real personal growth isn’t possible until that influence is removed. In rapid succession, I lost my grandma, I lost a marriage in which I had always deferred to my husband, one of my best friends moved away, I lost my mom, my aunt, and Mr. Virgo…all in a period of a few short years. I was set adrift. I didn’t know how to be…me. It was bad enough that I lost my sweet husband and was grieving and had to learn how to be without him. But those people who should have been there to help me learn how to be a widow…weren’t. As a late bloomer, I had a crash course in Adulting 101. It was incredibly rough.

Then something wonderful happened. OK, it was awful…I lost my dad. I was never close to him, but it was loss just the same. And right there in the basement of the church when we gathered to eat after the funeral, the miracle happened. Those family members on my dad’s side that I had shunned out of deference to my aunt, opened their arms and drew me in. They loved on me. They gave me their phone numbers. They planned a family picnic. I saw them…really SAW them as the beautiful people they are and I realized in that moment how much I had lost by being led astray. All those years, I thought I couldn’t love them both…my aunt AND my dad’s family. What a waste.

Last night, I was diving into an hour or so of genealogy research before I started writing. I don’t know if you are familiar with ancestry.com. When there are new hints for a family member in your tree, a little leaf grows out of the upper right corner of their picture. It has been five years since I’ve signed into Ancestry to do a little snooping around. OMGosh! It looked like a forest in there! Leaves everywhere. I started with my parents and their siblings. I opened my uncle’s hint. A picture of his gravestone. He had died in 2016! I called my cousins and they hadn’t heard a thing. I googled. Nothing. I searched the newspaper archive. No obituary. Nothing.

I sat back and let my mind wander and absorb the news. My thoughts swirled round till they started to settle into a reality. All this time, I had let myself believe that once this man was gone, my aunt could talk to me freely again. I could have that relationship back that I had cherished. But, it’s been two years. If she was going to call me…she would have by now. That’s too…half empty to me. Maybe she lost my contact information in the five years since we last talked. Maybe she has dementia and can’t call me. Or, maybe it was her. Maybe SHE was the one who didn’t like what I had done and cut me off.

I spent about 15 minutes feeling really sad that I would never have that special relationship again. Then I realized I have gained SO much since things changed. I learned how to think for myself. I gained a whole family of cousins whom I love very much. Life is all about change. It isn’t always easy to adapt to change. However…adapt or stay trapped. It always comes back to choices. I’m special now because GOD says I’m special…I say I’m special…Mr. FixIt and my family says I’m special. And I still look beautiful in periwinkle blue. ❤️

“But after you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace, who calls you to share his eternal glory in union with Christ, will himself perfect you and give you firmness, strength, and a sure foundation. To him be the power for ever! Amen.” ‭‭1 Peter‬ ‭5:10-11‬ ‭GNBDC

Digging in the Past

Sat, 03 Feb 2018 02:30:31 -0600

My Ancestors

I received an e-mail from my cousin’s son the other day through the ancestry.com website. He was asking for permission to look at my family tree. He’s been doing a little research to give to his niece when she’s old enough to take interest and since I have ten times the number of names in my tree over his, he wanted a peek. I said yes, of course.

I mentioned in my post yesterday that I had discovered a long lost cousin in my long time friend and in the process, I downloaded the Ancestry app again. It had been quite some time since I had delved into genealogy because, quite frankly, I have a tendency to dive in and stay there for months at a time. Seriously, I’ve needed an intervention before this. I have nearly 6,000 names in my tree, if that tells you anything about the time I spend (waste?) on this stuff.

Sometime in the last couple of years, I sent in a DNA sample to Ancestry. Nothing much came of it for a while. I got my readout with no real surprises save for <1% Finnish. Then, as more and more people did the test, more and more connections have been made. I downloaded the AncestryDNA app and there’s an amazing interactive map that shows the ancestors I have been genetically linked to, where they were from, when they came to the United States, and where they settled. There are thousands of connections….from 2nd cousins to far distant relatives.

Along with these new connections come the items in their corresponding trees. Certificates of birth, marriage, and death. Deeds and wills. Censuses. City directories. Obituaries. Cemetery locations. All interesting and they fill in a lot of blanks. But the BEST sunken treasures are the photographs of ancestors you’ve never met…you’ve never seen. Like this picture, for instance. That dapper man in the hat standing in the center is my second great grandfather…Daniel. His wife, Lydia, is seated in front and slightly to his left. They had thirteen children. He lived a long life of seventy-five years and died in 1897 in his hometown. His grandfather fought in the Revolutionary War. One of his sons…my great grandfather, Benjamin…is the gentleman standing on the far left.

I’ve never felt more connected to my ancestry as I do living here in West Virginia. The very ground cries out their names, the hills echo their stories. I have a lot on my plate right now, but I can’t help diving in just a bit and see what’s new out there. My tree has leaves everywhere meaning there’s a boatload of hints to follow up on. If I go too far down the rabbit hole, send in the troops! ❤️

“And now it is because of my hope in what God has promised our ancestors that I am on trial today.” ‭‭Acts‬ ‭26:6‬ ‭NIV11‬‬

#ancestry, #knowledge, #family

The Smallest of Worlds

Fri, 02 Feb 2018 02:30:10 -0600

“Charley Chadock - My Great Grandfather”

Sharon and I graduated from high school together. Although we didn’t “hang out” and she may not have known me from Adam back then, everyone knew who she was. Her name put her at the end of the line in a graduating class of nearly 800 students. We knew we were about done on graduation night when they called out Sharon’s name.

I moved away two years after high school…about as far away as I could get…England. I followed Hubby #1 there when he was in the Air Force. From there I lived in Colorado for forty years. Sharon and I ran into each other at a couple of reunions, maybe. I don’t really remember. However, once I moved back to West Virginia, I longed for my local coffee group and decided to gauge the interest of my high school friends.

Gathering for coffee on a Saturday morning wasn’t something these gals had done on a regular basis. Being the rabble rouser and resident cheerleader, I gathered a handful of friends to meet me at the Historic Blennerhassett Hotel for a Starbucks. What started out slow has gained momentum and we now have a monthly gathering of around fifteen of the ‘71 Divas for a couple hours of caffeine fueled “therapy”. Sharon is one of our regulars.

I love all the Divas. They’ve become an inner circle of devoted friends. I enjoy Sharon’s dry sense of humor and the way she shoots straight from the hip…telling it like it is. You have no problem knowing exactly what Sharon is thinking and I love that about her. I consider her a dear friend.

A couple of nights ago, I sent her a private message to see how she was doing. I mentioned in our conversation that I’d been spending most of my time at Mr. FixIt’s since his surgery. I told her where he lived and she said her great grandmother was from near here. When she told me the family name, I nearly fell out of my chair! Chadock. My mother’s maiden name!

Chadock is an uncommon name. Historic documents often have spelling variations so sometimes you see it spelled Chaddock, Shaddock, Shattuck, and sometimes even Chadwick. I recognized the name she gave me and quickly pulled up ancestry.com to confirm it. And there she was! Her great grandmother was my great grandfather’s sister. Sharon and I share the same great great grandparents making us 3rd cousins!

Unbelievably small world! As we discussed it come more, I came to find out another of our classmates is a cousin through the same line. Ok, West Virginia isn’t a huge state. Parkersburg isn’t a huge city. But Chadock is a rare name and we were just flabbergasted to discover we are related.

Sharon and I will get together soon and compare our genealogy notes. I’ll introduce her to more of her kin she didn’t know she had. And I’ve added yet another member to my ever expanding family. Mr. FixIt and I were just discussing how large my family has gotten by adding his large family to mine. I never dreamed I’d have this many people to call “mine”. It makes my heart swell! ❤️

“But from everlasting to everlasting the Lord’s love is with those who fear him, and his righteousness with their children’s children—” ‭‭Psalm‬ ‭103:17‬ ‭NIV‬‬

#genealogy, #family, #cousins

Boundaries

Mon, 29 Jan 2018 02:30:54 -0600

“Boundaries” by Ginny McKinney

Something I knew nothing about growing up. There were no boundaries save for one. Don’t rock the boat. Ahhh…the walking on egg shells that comes with being the child of an alcoholic. We learn at an early age to dodge bullets. But boundaries? We either didn’t have many…or I didn’t understand the concept. I didn’t know for the longest time where other people ended and I began. I lived my life in a sort of parasitic relationship with my “hosts”…much like Spanish Moss and Mistletoe. My insecurities made it difficult for me to express my own opinions. I was a chameleon…I changed with the whims of my beneficiary…whomever it should be.

I’d love to say I out grew that in my late teens, early twenties like most people, but I did not. I really only broke free from the bondage of self loathing after Mr. Virgo came into my world and convinced me of my worth. Still, boundaries were a challenge. I didn’t exercise enough boundaries with my children. I didn’t exercise boundaries with friends and relationships. And I certainly didn’t practice boundaries with myself.

As I continue to grow in my faith walk, I learn more and more about boundaries. Pastor Justin presented an excellent series this month about fixing ourselves up…just like flipping a house. First, you make sure you have a good, solid foundation. Then you give the very best of yourself. Then you get your head right. You get rid of the stinkin’ thinkin’ of the days before you were saved. Change your mind…Change your life. All these things are foundational, and well heeded. But you have to protect your progress, Pastor Justin says…by setting up boundaries. You can’t let the enemy get a foothold in this life of yours. I have been known to cuss like a sailor. I’m doing MUCH better…but I still slip.

This is what I was referring to the other day…we are what we eat. Not literally. We aren’t broccoli and cauliflower. But what we allow to come into us, gets expressed by us into the world. Mr. FixIt and I are a team. We have to set up our perimeter to keep the enemy from infiltrating our ranks…to keep him from trying to divide and conquer. We have to work as a team and to do that, we give each other gentle reminders to shore up that boundary…that little leak in our boat. Because little leaks become big leaks and we’ll drown before we get to shore if we aren’t ever vigilant.

Does this mean we can’t relax and kick back and enjoy life? Not at all. But it does mean we have an accountability partner in the other and we must always bring our best to the table. And we keep our perimeter wall strong and our foundation deep. Because we keep God at the top of the triangle. As we strive towards Him…we inevitably become closer. It is our recipe for success.

It’s #MondayMotivation…time to do our spring cleaning and put our house in order. ❤️

“Lord, you alone are my portion and my cup; you make my lot secure. The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance. I will praise the Lord, who counsels me; even at night my heart instructs me. I keep my eyes always on the Lord. With him at my right hand, I will not be shaken. Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body also will rest secure,” ‭‭Psalm‬ ‭16:5-9‬ ‭NIV‬‬

The Is The Day The Lord Hath Made

Sun, 28 Jan 2018 02:30:20 -0600

Praise

Let us celebrate and be GLAD in it! It is so easy to celebrate and be glad in the day when all is right in your world, isn’t it? I mean, we want God’s blessings, right? We are happy in our blessings and we (hopefully) thank God for providing for us. It’s a different story when things aren’t going well. It is SO hard to celebrate and be glad when your world is falling apart. I don’t think God is asking you to go out in the streets and celebrate with singing and dancing if you are sincerely in the throes of pain. We can still celebrate the fact we have a loving Father who is going to use our pain for good in some way. He is working in the background, far beyond our understanding, twisting and turning events to bring you favor. We can still be glad in the day he has made, even if we can’t drag ourselves out of bed to enjoy it. I’ve been there. I know what mattress surfing is like. And I still rejoiced that I had someone who loved me more than I could ever imagine.

Bringing joy into the world isn’t always easy, but the more you try, the more you succeed, and the more you succeed, the more joy you have to give. It is truly the gift that keeps on giving. When I see joy in someone, I stop them and recognize it in them. We are here to love and encourage one another. When you let someone know that you SEE their efforts, your encouragement causes them to grow and expand. It’s an amazing gift you give them…and give yourself.

I ran across this video last night and I just had to share with you. Here’s a little girl with more joy than she can possibly contain. Here’s a future worship leader! A future teacher! A future politician! A future doctor! She has the whole world ahead of her and plenty of joy to share. This is the day the Lord hath made…let us rejoice and be glad in it! Go out there and make it a great day today!!! ❤️

youtu.be/3QivliBtp…

“This is the day which the Lord hath made; we will rejoice and be glad in it.” ‭‭Psalms‬ ‭118:24‬ ‭KJV‬‬

A Very Good Memory

Thu, 25 Jan 2018 02:30:12 -0600

“Little Girl in Blue”

I have excellent long term memory. Short term is getting shorter as I age, sped along by grief and a multitude of head injuries along the way, I am sure. But, long term…you can make bank on the accuracy of my memories. My earliest memory takes me back to sitting in the front yard, in the dirt, just inside the fence. I was still in diapers. I remember the way the sun shone on the plastic pants I wore over them as I rolled the material between my chubby baby fingers. Two large neighborhood dogs came up on the other side of the fence and started barking at me. My mother ran and picked me up, comforting my terrified screams. I had nightmares often and can remember sitting in my crib, seeing those dogs coming at me and screaming for my mother to come save me.

My next clear memory is my Aunt’s wedding in Chicago. My grandma woke me before dawn and tried to feed me breakfast but I told her I would eat it in the morning. She laughed and rocked me. I was piled up in the car and we headed north. When we reached Parkersburg, I cried because I didn’t want to go to “Sparkysburg”…I wanted to go to “Shiscago”. We arrived in the Windy City after dark and I remember “lights that moved in the sky”. I later learned they were the neon signs popular in the mid-fifties advertising restaurants and hotels along the busy boulevards.

The first picture is of me and my brother. I remember this like it was yesterday, although I just scanned this slide into my computer this week. I had never seen this picture before. I remember that blue dress. I was supposed to be the flower girl but I think I wasn’t terribly cooperative and ended up having to sit with my grandma. When I saw my mom walking up the aisle, I screamed for her to come get me. I’m sure it was a lovely wedding. Sorry Aunt Rosie…sigh Anyway, my brother and another boy were down in the basement of the church. What you see in my hand there is a used flash bulb from the photographer’s camera. I was gathering them up, peeling the blue plastic coating off, and stepping on them…crushing the glass under my “shiny party shoes with buckles”. Then, I scooped up the crushed glass into a shoe box and filled the ash trays that were sitting all around. I was a pistol!

“Chicago Wedding Reception”

The second picture is a group shot of my brother and me with my Uncle Ernie’s family. Now, my Aunt Rosie grew up here on the farm in West Virginia. But she spent her entire childhood in the nurse’s office at school from getting carsick on the bus and she swore when she was graduated from nursing school, she would move far away from those twisty roads with the kiss-me-Kate turns and never look back. She and a girlfriend moved to Chicago and worked together at Cook County Hospital.

One night, the two young women found their way into a local drinking establishment where she met a handsome sailor on furlough. They fell in love and were married soon after. My Uncle Ernie grew up in an immigrant German family on the South Side of Chicago. He was rough and tough and took no guff. His family was large and loud and the antithesis of our quiet little farm family. I love this picture. Look at all the booze. I can just picture my Grandma and Pop-Pop at this wedding reception…teetotalers that they were. Grandma with her sensible shoes and her pretty little hat perched on her head just so, her purse clutched in her lap for fear these hooligans might try to take it from her. Pop-Pop in the only suit he ever owned, his fedora neatly brushed, his shoes worn. It must have been a sight. The story is, Grandma caught me going from table to table and drinking down the bits of champagne left in the glasses. Lawrdy…I can just imagine.

My other memory of this trip was walking into a kitchen. Uncle Ernie’s mother was a caterer so I imagine she and her helpers were cooking and baking for the reception. There was a very large bag of flour and, as was common in those days, there was a prize in the bag. She found the prize…a little 14k gold ring. Someone put it on my ring finger and tied it on with a blue ribbon that matched this dress. I remember wearing it, but I don’t see it in these pictures.

I was thrilled when my Aunt sent me these two slides. I had never gotten around to putting them in my scanner till this week and was so excited to see this image confirming such a clear memory for me. I cherish every good memory of my childhood. Even though there were some dark times, it’s memories like this that banish them to the far corners of my mind and bring a warm flush of love through me. ❤️

“Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.”” ‭‭Matthew‬ ‭19:14 NIV

When Your Body Speaks...Listen

Sun, 21 Jan 2018 02:30:15 -0600

I had a huge day planned yesterday. I was really looking forward to gathering with two different groups of friends. I awoke sometime before dawn and my body just said, “Nope. Not today. Go back to sleep.” In the past, I might have forced myself up and made myself go. Since losing Mr. Virgo, I’ve learned to listen more to my body when it speaks to me.

Grief not only causes things like “grief brain” which was illustrated in the article I shared with you the other night. Several health ailments can be attributed to grief and the resultant stress it causes. High levels of cortisol…the “fight or flight” hormone…can cause everything from high blood pressure to heart disease to depression to substance abuse. It also affects your immune system and you tend to get sick easier and things last longer. There isn’t an expiration date on grief either. You may not be actively grieving, but you can still suffer from the repercussions.

Yesterday it was tummy trouble. Easy enough to fix with rest, fluids and over the counter medications. I have to be extra careful with things like gluten and fats now. I didn’t have to do that before Mr. Virgo died. Another thing that came my way was an autoimmune response to grief and I developed plantar-palmar psoriasis. I doctored that with steroids and every psoriasis cream known to man. I tried folk remedies and old wive’s tales. Nothing touched it till last year when I started using doTerra’s LifePak vitamins and CBD (canabidiol) ointment. It’s pretty well controlled now with occasional applications and I take a small dose of the vitamins every other day or so.

Nothing is the same after a profound loss. For a long time, I grieved not only for Mr. Virgo…but also for the ME that I lost in the process of grieving. When I finally let go of trying to recreate my life the way it was before, I began to embrace the life I was building. It’s much, much better but the physical things still creep up on me from time to time. I still find them frustrating, even though I am much better at listening to my body now. When it says, “Go back to sleep”…unless I have something that I absolutely HAVE to do…I listen. I texted my friends and told them I was going to have to bow out because I didn’t feel well. They totally understood. There will be other opportunities to get together. And I spent the day reading. I haven’t spent the day reading in ages because for the longest time, my grief brain wouldn’t allow me to concentrate long enough to get through a book. It was lovely to be able to read…and comprehend what I was reading. Mr. Fixit watched college basketball and a couple of movies while I cuddled up on the couch and listened to recordings of campfires and thunderstorms.

Remember…self care is not selfish. It is necessary. If you are alone, you may have the freedom to practice self care any time, but not always. I am fortunate to have this wonderful man who understands and supports my need for self care on a regular basis. What a gift he is to me. ❤️

“Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings. And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen.” ‭‭1 Peter‬ ‭5:7-11‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Savor the Sweet

Sat, 20 Jan 2018 02:30:14 -0600

The first time I set foot in a trout stream, I was six years old. It was the summer before my life would be forever changed by the illicit touch of a stranger. The summer of 1960 found my family on its very first vacation. We traveled to the mountains of West Virginia and rented a small cabin for a week. I remember mom frying trout in an iron skillet. I remember my brother and I playing quietly in the shade of the many trees surrounding our camp. I remember my dad standing in the shallow middle, up to his knees, casting over and over with the flies he had meticulously tied at his workbench in the basement. And I remember the river. The North Fork of the South Branch of the Potomac River, to be exact.

I didn’t have much experience with open bodies of water. Mom had instilled an unhealthy fear of water in me with stories of the time she saved her baby sister from drowning. She had no intention of ever having to save me, so I was banished from any water sports. And, it turns out…I’m a bit of a water baby. I remember one day in particular. Dad was out in his favorite fishing hole, patiently casting, and I stood at the river’s edge. I contemplated the ripples as they passed over the smooth river rocks. I gazed at the deep pools that changed to the color of emeralds where the sandy bottom lay two or three feet below. I delighted at the light dancing on the surface like a thousand diamonds and the trout flashing as they breached the surface to catch their next meal.

That was a simple and peaceful summer…the last I would know before my innocence was taken from me. But, that is not to say, I have never found moments that have recaptured that sense of awe and wonder. I have…many times. Yesterday was one of those days that delivered sweet things…one after another…till I was overflowing with the beauty and simplicity of it all.

I made my routine trip to the farm to see how the kitties are fairing. I checked the stove and the basement. I sat, as I always do, in the chair in “Grandma’s Window” and watched the birds at the feeder. I listened to the sounds of an old house…living and breathing…its bones creaking like the old woman that she is. I watched the pendulum in Mr. Virgo’s clock swing back and forth, reminding me I couldn’t stay too long. We had company coming.

I stopped at the neighbor’s for a bit and delivered a small gift of French Truffles. We passed the time, catching up on the news of the neighbors and I left with promises it wouldn’t be so long till my next visit. I turned the truck toward home. I checked the mail and found a pink slip…a package had come and would be waiting for me at the post office. Mr. FixIt offered to go pick it up as I put the groceries away. I no sooner sat down till our company arrived.

Mr. FixIt’s granddaughter and her family brought their baby to see Papaw and GG! I have inherited a whole passel of people in this relationship, including a son and his wife, a daughter and her man, three granddaughters (two of whom have significant others), a grandson and his girlfriend, and a great granddaughter. You know what that means, don’t you? I am a great grandmother! And…considering I am WAY too young to be one (smile)…I am GG. Great Grandma. Grandma Ginny. GG. It suits me. The baby is four months old and the most precious little thing. What a treat to hold and rock a little one again!

Before long, Mr. FixIt came back with my box. I couldn’t wait to open it. It was a special introductory gift box from my dear friend, and fellow Sister on the Fly, Michelle McMullen Cummings with her newly published book, The Reel Sisters! https://www.thereelsisters.com/product/the-reel-sisters-gift-box/ Now I have two books to read, one published and one unpublished with an invitation to write early praise for its release. Both written by strong women I admire and I can’t wait to get into them! The reminder of these sister friendships warmed my heart as rocked and sang a lullaby to the newest member of our immediate family. I thought…”I will teach you to fly, little sister” as I sniffed the top of her sweet, soft head.

I am enjoying getting to know and bond with Mr. FixIt’s family. As his granddaughter bundled up the baby and prepared to leave yesterday, she turned to me and said, “I like you. You make my grandpa very happy.” I like her, too. She reminds me a little of myself when I was her age. A young mother, in love with her baby, her life stretching before her like an endless summer. It filled me with a soft warmth. As I sat propped in our bed last night, typing away at the keyboard writing this post, that very happy Papaw came in with a small bowl of ice cream and a kiss on the top of my head. And I swear…my heart exploded with joy.

The sweet simplicity of a life lived with boundless joy. My God has delivered me far, far from the pain life can bring. For now. There will be pain again. There always is. This is life, after all. The difference is, I have this now. I am building my insurance policy. These stories are money in my emotional bank…stories to look back upon one day and remember the joy I felt on a cold January day in the sun. ❤️

“Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.” ‭‭James‬ ‭1:17‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Catching Up

Fri, 19 Jan 2018 02:30:51 -0600

One of the best ways to catch up with paperwork is to have peaceful surroundings. Mr. FixIt had a day of errands to do. I think he kinda wanted me to tag along with him yesterday, but I know us well…I would have ended up coming in at 9:30 last night and none of this work would have gotten done.

As soon as he left (with a big hug and kiss) I turned on praise music and cranked it up. I always need a little extra dose of Jesus when I am heading into a formidable task. Wading through many bags and boxes of papers and sorting them into some sort of organization that allows me to actually put my finger on things was the order of the day. With praise, and good coffee and French Truffles…I waded in with both feet and started making the first cuts. What was trash. What needed to be kept in which pile. I really, really hate paperwork! “Jesus is calling…” I can do this. “Do you thirst for a drink from the well…” I can do this. “The Father’s arms are open wide…” Oh, yes…I can definitely do this! “Bring your sorrows and trade them for joy…” YES…let’s DO this!!!

As I often do, I talk out loud to Jesus when I’m working. The conversation is never one-sided. He always speaks to me through the Holy Spirit and tells me everything I need to hear. First, he smacks my hand a little…”Keep up with this stuff better.” He chides gently. “You know what an ordeal it is when you put it off till the end of the year. It seems overwhelming. If it’s difficult to slog through…remember to talk with me while you’re working. It makes the time pass faster. And, I can help. I can help you put things into perspective. I can help you find lost papers. I can help you remember who you need to talk to about this and that. I can help you make important decisions. Just remember to include me…even in the most mundane of your daily activities.”

Then He goes on with his daily teaching. “Thank your Father for the gifts you receive. See all these papers? They are all articles of provision. That bank account? I gave you that gift to provide for your every need. Respect that. Balance every month…not because it’s a drudge, but because it’s an honor to see the abundance you have been provided with. The same goes for that insurance policy you have been complaining about because the price went up. Be grateful you HAVE insurance…and so far, you haven’t run out of money to pay for it. What about that accident last February? I know you have been dreading searching for all the papers you need to have in order to finish out that claim. Yes, that’s a pain…but, I made sure you weren’t terribly injured. And you received a much newer truck when yours was totaled. It was “a miracle” when you got that check that just almost covered the new truck, wasn’t it? It was Me…I made sure you have a safe, affordable vehicle. A little gratitude goes a long way, dear one.”

What blessings I have. I have a Father that provides for me. I have a loving family that supports and loves me. I have this tremendous man in my life who loves me and shares his home with me as if it has always been mine…he’s just been waiting for me to come along. I have my health. I have the farm. I have TOW-Wanda. I have a retirement. I have Social Security and health insurance and soon, I’ll have Medicare…that carrot at the end of the race that will help provide for me in my golden years. I have a house…TWO houses…THREE if you count TOW-Wanda…to shelter me from the storms of life. I have food and clean water and clothes. I am wealthy….beyond my wildest dreams. I am LOVED. What a lovely way to look at the mundane, dreary chore of sorting through paperwork. What a lovely way to look at the world. Thank you, God! “You’re a good, good Father…it’s who you are, it’s who you are…” ❤️

“And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.” ‭‭Philippians‬ ‭4:19‬ ‭NIV‬‬

On Being Loved

Tue, 16 Jan 2018 02:30:37 -0600

Mr. FixIt and I have developed this little routine the last few months. We have a nice dinner and clear up the dishes. We sit together for a while and talk or maybe watch a movie or an episode of Big Bang or MASH. When it’s time for a bedtime snack, I take mine into the bedroom at the far end of the house and write while my sweetie watches a ball game or the news and weather. It works out great and we both have that little bit of alone time everyone needs in a relationship. I’ve taken to listening to nature sounds on Amazon Music as I write so quite often, in my head, there’s a thunderstorm raging or ocean waves are gently lapping at the shore or birds are singing in a tropical rainforest. It’s so soothing and easy to write to.

My guy bowls on a couple of leagues and has for over thirty years. Bowling offered him the opportunity to socialize with fun people. He is gregarious, and bowling has been a great outlet for him. The other night he stopped at the store on the way home. He always calls me before he heads home because no matter where we are staying…his house or mine…it is a good forty minutes from town. He asks if I need anything. Usually, I don’t. He called me from the driveway the other night and asked me to open the door. He’s not supposed to carry anything in his bad hand yet. When I greeted him at the door, he handed me the groceries and I ducked in the kitchen with them. It was SO cold out there…I wanted away from the door as fast as I could. When I turned around to hug him, he handed me this bouquet of yellow roses.

I love yellow roses. I love great big bouquets of mixed flowers but all in white. I love a live orchid. Mr. Virgo used to bring me flowers. And now…I have this sweet love…this good, good man. And HE brings me flowers, too. Guys like Mr. Virgo and Mr. FixIt are a rare breed. My sweetheart told me the other day he wished we had started dating in high school so we could have had our whole lives together. I understand that thinking, and it’s sweet…really. But the thing is, we are the people we are right now simply BECAUSE of the life experiences we have been through. There is a really big chance we wouldn’t have gotten along in our early years. All of our experiences have been opportunities for personal growth. We came together when we did because it was GOD’S timing…not ours.

When we can move over and get out of the way, God does extraordinary things in our lives. “Let go and let God” isn’t just a pithy saying or a tired cliche from an AA meeting. It is straight outta the instruction manual for life…the Bible. Oh, we are such proud creatures. We want to have control. We want to steer the boat and make it go where WE want it. At any given moment, there is a preordained course designed specifically for us. God knows your name. He has plans to prosper you. God loves you more than anyone in the world. He loves you more than you can fathom. You can make it SO much easier if you put God in the driver’s seat. The easiest way to do that is ask. Just ask Him…first thing in the morning. “Where are you going to take me today, Lord?” Then get out of the way. Oh, my…could it really be that easy??? ❤️

“Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and he will establish your plans.” ‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭16:3‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Sweet, Sweet Memories

Sun, 14 Jan 2018 02:30:05 -0600

I was fiddling around yesterday hooking up my new printer and computer when I received a text from an old friend. Cindy lived in the flat below me when Hubby #1 and I lived in England in the early ’70s. We’ve stayed in touch all these years and although we don’t get to see each other very often, we will always be close. We were young and so very far away from home and we became “family”.

To my surprise and utter delight, Cindy sent me several photos. Her ex was in England and had visited our little village. He sent her several pictures of the apartment building and the surrounding area. I have always wanted to go back and this was the next best thing. I’m not terribly surprised to see things look exactly as they did in 1973 when I arrived to begin my life as a newly married military bride. My husband was stationed at RAF Greenham Common in Newbury and we lived in a small village on the outskirts called Thatcham.

I have so many wonderful memories of life on foreign soil. I remember arriving at Heathrow International Airport. I had never flown before and everything was so big and loud. I was raised in a very quiet town in West Virginia. There were very few “foreigners” in our neck of the woods. Mom had a friend who was from Lebanon. I had a distant relative who married a man whose parents immigrated from another country. When I arrived in London, I wasn’t sure there hadn’t been some sort of mistake and I had landed in Pakistan!

As I went through customs, I looked out a long wall of windows and saw nothing but a sea of faces staring back in. I was horrified! I turned to the Customs Agent and asked her how on earth I was going to find my husband in all this mess. She smiled and assured me HE would find ME…not to worry. He did, of course. As we left the parking garage, we entered The Twilight Zone! Every thing was different. We drove on the wrong side of the street. Huge crosswalks called “zebras” made it clear they took pedestrian safety very seriously in this country. As in any major city in the world, the cacophany of car horns were only outdone by the odd “wee woop” of emergency sirens. Big, black taxis looking all the world like they came straight out of a ’50s movie jockeyed for position to pick up the bazillion people frantically waving their arms for attention. I know for a fact I didn’t blink for the first hour I was there.

I remember long drives through rolling fields of green. We lived in horse country. The only thing worse than hitting a pedestrian in England would be hitting a horse! Quite often, horse and rider would be spotted on the little country lanes we traveled and you had to always be on your toes to watch out for them. Hubby #1 worked the night shift so on his nights off, we would drive in the dark, foggy countryside. It was peaceful and quiet then…the yellow streetlights cutting through the dense fog to allow us to see our way.

I had my first baby when I lived in England. We traveled often to Reading for my doctor’s visits. We stopped at tea houses or bakeries or the local fish ’n chips shop. The only fast food in the country that we were familiar with was a Kentucky Fried Chicken there in Reading. We went to a park with our food. There was a large circular pond and people floated big motorized model boats on the water with remote controls. It was all so serene and peaceful. It really was like stepping back in time. The only thing that didn’t feel like a throwback were the young people. They were way ahead of the times sporting mohawks and studded leather jackets. It was an interesting dichotomy.

Shopping was done frequently as the refrigerators were nothing larger than a dorm fridge. You carried a basket to market twice a week to buy food and whatever else you were looking for at the time. Cindy and I often shopped together. I was once mistaken by a shopkeeper as her mother yet I was only two years older than she! Granted, she looked very young for her age and I was very pregnant. Cindy threw a surprise baby shower for me. She is my sweet, forever sister/friend.

I know I’ve talked about this part of my life before, but I wanted to share these photos with you. It was so great to send them to my daughter and say…“Here’s the place we brought you to when we came home from the hospital!” I do SO want to return someday. I want to take Daughter #1 and her family. I’d also like to have Cindy and her husband join us. Dreams. Something to work towards. Always put something joyful in front of you! ❤️

“People who say such things show that they are looking for a country of their own.” ‭‭Hebrews‬ ‭11:14‬ ‭NIV‬‬

“The Umbrella Incident” or “How to Feed Your Man”

Sat, 13 Jan 2018 02:30:33 -0600

“Winter Flooding in West Virginia” by Ginny McKinney

It all started innocently enough. It was going to rain and I was heading to town soon. As I jumped in the shower, I called out to Mr. FixIt.

“Honey…would you mind grabbing my umbrella out of the truck?”

When I got dressed and was heading out the door, I looked around. My umbrella wasn’t there. I asked if he had gotten it for me and Mr. FixIt said no. There was an umbrella there by the door. Now, it was a perfectly good umbrella. One that, you know, keeps rain off of you. But I wanted MY umbrella and I felt Mr. FixIt had made a decision for me. I didn’t like it.

Silly…that was just plain silly of me. But, I am my mother’s daughter and stubborn is my middle name. I hopped out the door and into the rain…sans umbrella.

“I’ll show YOU!” I thought as I made a mad dash for the truck. “I don’t need your stinky old boy umbrella!”

Ridiculous. I got wet because I got my nose out of joint. And why? Because, somewhere in the far recesses of my mind I equated “Please get my umbrella.” with “Please tell me you love me.” That is old school thinking right there…something I thought I left behind like…two relationships ago.

It’s been a couple of weeks now. And ever since, I’ve been criticizing Mr. FixIt’s every move. Mostly because he’s a man and he had surgery and he’s SUPPOSED to be taking care of that hand so it will heal properly and he’s as stubborn as me and he does things his way and….did I say he was stubborn? I have spent the better part of two weeks with “Don’t pick that up!” And “Here…let ME do it!” I think there were eye-rolls involved. All of this was done in an effort to punish him for a perceived slight that was nothing more than something made up in my head. Some unpacked baggage from seasons past that has absolutely nothing to do with him.

Then…the rain started.

It rained…hard. Yesterday morning I awoke to the sounds of the carpet cleaner sucking water up from the rug downstairs. The basement flooded! I jumped up and ran downstairs. And there was my man…emptying one gallon containers of dirty water into the sink…carrying them with two hands, one of which he isn’t supposed to lift anything heavier than popcorn.

“Breathe…breathe…don’t scold him. He’s not a child.” My inner voice reasoned with me.

“Did you plug in the sump pump?” I asked.

“No.” Shoulders slumped. Voice dejected.

“Are you kidding me?” I asked.

Shoulders slumped more. “Stupid. It was stupid.”

I took the carpet cleaner and started that part myself so he wouldn’t have to carry the bucket to the sink. Mr. FixIt went about sweeping up water in the room without carpet. He ran the vacuum. We didn’t talk much. Then I sent him off on an errand to town.

After he left, I went upstairs and fixed myself a cup of coffee. I sipped it as I ran the carpet cleaner back and forth over the soggy carpet. And I fumed. Then I could see the dejected slump of my sweetheart’s shoulders and my heart softened.

“Lord,” I said out loud. “I haven’t been loving this wonderful man you gave me the way I should. I haven’t been loving him the way you love me. And all because he didn’t get my umbrella for me!”

I sucked up more water, emptied the bucket, and began again.

“Lord, please give me the heart of a cheerful servant. Let me see all of his good qualities and none of the annoying traits that make us human. Can you do that for me, please?” I asked with sincere earnestness in my voice.

Suddenly, the old hymn “Farther Along” started up in my mind and I began to sing out loud as I vacuumed up bucket after bucket of water.

“Tempted and tried we’re oft made to wonder Why it should be thus all the day long While there are others living about us Never molested though in the wrong.

Farther along we’ll know all about it Farther along well understand why Cheer up my brother, live in the sunshine We’ll understand it all by and by.

When death has come and taken our loved ones It leaves our home so lonely and drear Then do we wonder why others prosper Living so wicked year after year.

When we see Jesus coming in glory When he comes down from his home in the sky Then we shall meet him in that bright mansion We’ll understand it all by and by.

Farther along we’ll know all about it Farther along we’ll understand why Cheer up my brother, live in the sunshine We’ll understand it all by and by.

Yes, we’ll understand it…all by and by.”

I sang and sang and in two verses…maybe three…something happened. Any negative thoughts I had been having dissolved. My heart was soft and open. God had indeed given me the heart of a cheerful servant, just as I had asked.

I went on and worked, happily singing and emptying bucket after bucket of dirty flood water. I worked for about three hours when Mr. FixIt walked in carrying breakfast for me. I went upstairs and gave him a great big hug and an even bigger smile. I thanked him profusely for bringing me a warm breakfast. I hadn’t taken time to eat. I patted the seat beside me. He shook his head and said no…he needed to get back to it.

“Please?” I begged. “Just for a minute.”

He smiled and sat down.

“Sweetheart, listen…I know you feel stupid for not plugging in the sump pump. But, I could have thought of it, too. And I didn’t. We unplugged it to put up the snowman for Christmas and just forgot. We make mistakes…it happens. It wasn’t your fault.” I put my hand on his knee and looked at him intently. I wanted to make sure he heard me.

Mr. FixIt turned those baby blues to mine and gave me his sweetest smile. And, I felt I’d made it right. This is how you feed a man. You feed his spirit. You feed his soul. You breathe life into him. When you start looking for the bad in your love…that’s all you will see. I really, REALLY don’t want to go there. Do I get it right all the time? Oh, heck no! I’m human, too. I stumble and forget and let my lower self talk WAY too often. But sometimes I get it right. Sometimes I remember to ask God for help. Yesterday was one of those days. ❤️

“Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.” ‭‭Hebrews‬ ‭4:16‬ ‭NIV‬‬

The Bent Reed

Thu, 11 Jan 2018 02:30:39 -0600

“The Bent Reed” by Ginny McKinney

A lot of people are struggling right now. I don’t know what it is about January. Sure, there’s the let down after the holidays. There’s the long, dark nights. There’s the bitterly cold, grey days. But there’s more than that. There’s a lot of loss.

I have friends who are dealing with very serious health issues…either of their own or members of their immediate family. I get prayer requests daily…from multiple people. Disasters, accidents, illness, death. Add this on top of the usual slump of January and it can send you down in a spiral in a hurry.

I was reminded of this beautiful verse the other day. I wish I would have had it written down so I could have carried it with me in those first long dark winter months without Mr. Virgo. I know it would have helped. As with all things, it has come to me now…when it means the most. When I need it the most. When I need to share it. God always provides.

My mom died after a brief illness of five days in January 2014. My cousin’s husband a year later at 50. My sweet Uncle Bob the next January. January is just not a good month…for me and for a lot of other people.

I bought a new computer the other day. When I was setting it up this week, I noticed a bunch of photos had come down out of the cloud. I hadn’t seen them in a long time, since my computer has been on the fritz for a while. I was scrolling through when my screen was filled with…Mr. Virgo…in his casket. A friend took the picture for me. At first, I thought it was macabre. Then I realized I needed to have that. For a long time it was the only thing that would allow me to cry. I needed to get that out. But somewhere along the line, the pictures from the funeral home made their way up into the cloud and I didn’t see them again. Till this week. It was like getting sucker punched when that popped up, filling my screen with a vision so painful you can feel it in your bones.

Yes, a lot of people are struggling. Debbie’s husband Toby is in the hospital. Sue’s friend had a biopsy today. Lynn’s family is struggling. Diane lost both her parents and her father-in-law in Januarys along the way and her best friend just lost his dad. The world seems to be reeling under forces whipping it into a frenzy. So, again…I am reminded of this verse.

God will not break a bent reed. He will not snuff out a smoldering flame. When you are at your weakest point, God is still strong. The same God that gave his Son. The same God that walked on water and rose the dead and healed blind men. The same God that breathed life into this world lives today. And He knocks. And He waits. He is a patient, polite God. He will not impose himself. He will not barge in on you. He waits for you to open the door. Opening that door is what has made it possible for me to keep breathing, to keep walking forward through every storm…through every season. I was only bent. ❤️

“A bruised reed he will not break, and a smoldering wick he will not snuff out…” ‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭42:3‬ ‭NIV

Old Friends

Mon, 08 Jan 2018 02:30:25 -0600

Our babies were just wee ones when we met. We were taking a sewing class together which really turned out to be twice a week therapy for busy moms to vent and create something beautiful. Sue took my breath away. Tall and slender with that long, thick, full-bodied hair those of us with baby fine strands drool over, she embodied the earth mother I so desperately wanted to be. We became fast friends. We got together and had tea. We hiked. We stitched and b****ed our way through our children’s youth. We were soccer moms. And, even though we were several years apart in age, we had so much in common.

Sue is one of those friends you may not speak to more than once or twice a year. But when you do, you feel this incredible soul connection and time disappears. We pass each other on Facebook. We give each other virtual hugs and atta girls. We know we are never more than a message or a text or a phone call away.

Sue moved away from Glenwood Springs a couple of years before that cataclysmic event…the overdose…and my world changed dramatically. She was so worried about me. She was supportive and listened and offered me unconditional love. There was a long stretch of time when we didn’t get to see each other. She was at our wedding. Then Mr. Virgo died and she couldn’t come to the funeral. When I went on my three month journey into the wilderness and backroads of Colorado, Sue invited me to her little “ranchita” down near the Four Corners area. She had ten acres overlooking Mesa Verde. She had a labyrinth she had designed and built. By this time, she was an accomplished yogi.

The day I arrived at her place near Dolores, Sue came running out of the house and grabbed me. She hugged me tight then pulled back and looked me in the eyes.

“You said you were doing ok…but I had to see for myself. I wouldn’t know for sure till I squeezed you!” Then she drew me in for another hug.

Sue ministers to you with softness, compassion. She settled me in the rocking chair by the big picture window. She brought me tea. She sat with me and we rocked…the comforting quiet hanging between us like a well worn quilt as we watched the birds at the immense feeder just beyond the glass. We drove to Silverton one day to be at the finish line of a mountain bike race. I was terribly anxious the night before. I had a really hard time with anxiety the first year or two after Mr. Virgo died. Sue sat with me for hours into the night as I cried and threw up and was generally a horrible mess. She’s that friend…the one who loves you when you’re really messy. She is the one who kicked me in the butt and made me write my book. She said…”Write it now while there is pain in your heart. We will feel it. If you try to write it after you heal, you will lose that voice.” She is so right. I love her dearly.

It’s a new year…time for us to reconnect. Sue and I talked for two hours and twenty-two minutes last night. We discussed all the changes in our lives…all the changes to come. And we decided to plan a yoga retreat. We’ll have yoga sessions as well as talks…nutrition, self-care, grief, art, music, writing. I have a picture in my mind of what I want it to look like. I’ll let you know as we formulate a plan and I’d love you to come!

Life is full of interesting twists and turns, isn’t it? My word this year is “presence”. By being present, I will flow through life more awake, more open, more prepared to embrace challenges. Retreats have been a HUGE dream of mine. Time to start letting that dream out to play! ❤️

“gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.” ‭‭Galatians‬ ‭5:23‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Epiphany

Sun, 07 Jan 2018 02:30:01 -0600

Epiphany

Epiphany; noun: plural noun: epiphanies

A) the manifestation of Christ to the Gentiles as represented by the Magi (Matthew 2:1–12).

B) the festival commemorating the Epiphany on January 6.

C) a manifestation of a divine or supernatural being.

D) a moment of sudden revelation or insight.

Yesterday was Epiphany. Traditionally, it marks the end of the Christmas Season. The day the Three Wise Men visited the baby Jesus and bestowed their gifts to Him.

Epiphany also means a sudden revelation, insight, and/or appearance of a supernatural being. Eighteen years ago, I experienced epiphany on many, many levels. I was seven years into a devastating depression…one I could see no way out of. I was over prescribed medications by a medical community that my husband at the time belonged to. I was a doctor’s wife. I had WAY too ready access to medications I had no business being on because a referral pattern is a terrible thing to waste. Doctors hate to take care of other doctor’s family. It puts a lot of pressure on them to go above and beyond…to be exemplary…to have a positive outcome, no matter what. Unfortunately for me, that meant seven years of medications that made me a zombie. Add a psychiatrist who told me at every visit, that this was just the way I was…I would need to take these medicines every day for the rest of my life…that I had a chemical imbalance in my brain. I lost my 40’s…literally. My marriage was irreparably damaged. December of 1999 found me struggling. My 20th Anniversary came and my husband told me he wasn’t in love with me anymore. I was devastated. I couldn’t see how I could possibly live without him. I circled the drain and on January 6, 2000…I overdosed on two full bottles of pills and I very easily could have died.

As they worked on me in the emergency room…these doctors and nurses with whom my husband and I socialized…I “faded”. My vision became a tunnel. My hearing damped down till it sounded like I had tin cans over my ears. I didn’t see a great white light like some talk about when they have a near-death experience. I’ve drawn it here, as close as I can. It was this incredibly beautiful disc of cobalt blue with golden rays of light radiating from it all around like an eclipse. It was ethereal and sparkly and incredibly peaceful.

As I stood in this immense ocean of blue light, my hearing left me and there was no sound. Dead air. Nothing. And suddenly, my grandma’s voice cut through the silence and straight into my left ear, as if she were standing beside me and bent down to speak directly to me. She shouted at me!

“Young lady…you get back down there right now! You have work to do!!!”

Immediately, my eyes flew open wide and I was in the ER, lying on a gurney, the overhead light shining in my eyes. I squinted at the glare and the sudden rush of noise. I rolled up on my side and threw up violently. After a while, I turned on my back. A nurse was leaning over me…a look of sincere concern on her face. I burst into tears when I realized what had happened. I kept crying, “I’m so ashamed, I’m so ashamed, I’m so ashamed.” She wrapped her arms around me and pulled me close to her and whispered in my ear, “You have nothing to be ashamed of. You’ve been sick. You’re going to be ok.”

I was at the bottom of the barrel in that moment and I had to begin a very long climb back. It took a great deal of intense therapy to convince me the other doctor was wrong and I really didn’t have a chemical imbalance in my brain. It took a full three years to wean off the medications he had me on. My marriage was over. I nearly lost my relationship with my kids. It took a huge amount of work, strength, and determination to rebuild my life.

I think that experience actually gave me tools to help me cope with losing Mr. Virgo years later. I survived that horrible ordeal. I surely could survive this one. I’ll survive the next. It’s fitting that the overdose occurred on Epiphany. The symbolic ending. The supernatural appearance of my grandma’s disembodied voice…nine months after her death. The moment of sudden revelation and insight that I had gone as far away from where God wanted me to be as I could possibly go.

I look back on those years with a sadness that I lost so much. I look back on that night with the absolute conviction that God sent the one person I would listen to…my grandma. I believe with all my heart that God saved me that night because He wasn’t done with me. He still had work for me to do. And, I also believe I could not have done any of this work if I had never had those seven years of walking through hell…if I had never had that devastating overdose…if I had not nearly lost everything.

Those of you who have been following me for a long time have probably heard this story before because I consider January 6th my “Re-Birth Day” in a literal sense. My second chance. My do-over. And for those of you new enough that you haven’t heard it yet, it might give you a sense of where I’ve been, even before the devastating loss of Mr. Virgo. We all have struggles in life. And, so far, I’ve survived all of them 100% of the time. For a long time, I was embarrassed by this story. Depression. Anxiety. Drugs. Dysfunction. Once I became a Christian, I realized God can use me to help others in similar circumstances. If I shine His Light into every dark corner of my life and show that Light to you, then I am doing what He put me on this earth to do. I’m at peace with that part of my life now. It doesn’t embarrass me. I am not ashamed. I am strengthened by a God that wouldn’t let ME decide it was time to go. I am immensely grateful for the opportunities I’ve been given…a chance to rebuild broken relationships…a chance at great love, not just once, but twice. I’ve lost much…but I’ve gained so much more. ❤️

““Arise, shine, for your light has come, and the glory of the Lord rises upon you.” ‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭60:1‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Greater is the One

Sat, 06 Jan 2018 02:30:38 -0600

The nature of my writing has grown with the changes I have gone through on my grief journey. Early on, it was so incredibly painful to even try to put words together to express my pain. I understood for the first time how God could hear our prayers when all we can manage are groans. Once the words started, it was like releasing a torrent. My pain literally fell onto the pages and it was emotionally exhausting…for me, and for you as well. The release was cathartic. The more I let it go, the more my heart healed.

Not everyone has a blog where they can release the pent up pain, anger, frustration, confusion that comes with grief. I am blessed with this venue and I don’t take any of you for granted. Your feedback and support has been so incredibly healing for me. I am blessed with family and friends who were supportive during the early months of my grief. The day Mr. Virgo died and I called my daughters, they dropped what they were doing and jumped in their cars to begin the long drive to be with me. They stayed by my side. They answered the phone for me. They made important calls. They took me everywhere I needed to go. Daughter #1 slept with me every night with her arm across my chest to protect me, to calm me, to reassure me I was not alone.

People gathered and surrounded me with love and support and food. My daughters and I bought every funny DVD we could find and tried to find someplace to land besides terror and pain. My friends held me in silence…the same friends who dressed me for my wedding and placed the flowers all around. Here they were…nearly six years to the day…doing the only thing they could do. After we lay Mr. Virgo in the ground, we gathered at our home…my home. I went straight to the humidor and got the expensive cigar he was saving for golf in the summer. I grabbed the bottle of Courvoisier I had used for Mr. Virgo’s favorite fruitcake. And I gathered the men…and my younger daughter. She was particularly close to her stepdad. We went to the front porch and smoked the cigar, and passed the bottle around till it was gone. We told manly stories of golf and travel, hotels and restaurants…all things Mr. Virgo.

After everyone left, the family gathered me up and took me to a restaurant to entice me to eat. I hadn’t had much of anything but coffee for days. It was the day before St. Patrick’s Day…a fine day to be buried, Mr. Virgo would have said. My daughters needed to get back to Denver. Daughter #1 offered to stay longer if I needed her. And while I did…desperately…I said no. I knew she needed to get back to her own family…her own life. And so, just like that, they were gone. And the house became quiet.

I stayed home alone for a week. I had paperwork to do and some things to wrap up at work. I packed a bag, stopped my mail, and headed to Denver to be near the kids. My son-in-law’s parents kept me at their home. I don’t remember the first week I was there…except that I didn’t get dressed for a week and only occasionally ventured out of the room for a little food. I slept much of the time. Finally, I started to join the land of the living again.

Slowly…ever so slowly…I moved forward. Days became weeks and week, months. The firsts started…my first birthday without him, his birthday, the holidays. Our wedding anniversary was just three weeks after he died. People called to see how I was doing. They sent cards and texts and checked in with me on Facebook. One of my daughter’s friends from high school contacted me every week for the first year. And eventually…they all moved on. It was inevitable. They can’t stay forever. They can’t stop their lives forever.

At first, I was really put out. I still needed to vent. I still needed to cry. I needed to tell every story, a hundred times. I needed so much. I needed more than they could ever give. I have to say, I never felt completely abandoned. I am blessed to have the most fabulous people in my life who would listen to me even today if I called and cried. However…I did feel “like a burden”, as one of my readers put it. I didn’t want to unload on them all the time. Somehow, I managed to reach that tipping point where I realized I needed to start managing this pain on my own. That was a really lonely stretch. I was pretty sure I wouldn’t have to sit in that “waiting room” (as my friend Christina Rasmussen calls it in her book, Second Firsts) forever, but I had no idea how long I’d be in this social limbo. I wanted to stay alone forever AND I wanted to be with people. I wanted to be invited out AND I wanted to never talk to another soul. I wanted to feel normal AND I didn’t want to feel anything. Oh….grief is crazy making.

I had to have something to hang onto…something, someONE, who would anchor me and keep me from flying off the face of the earth. Even though I had been a Christian for seven years, I only attended church sporadically. One Sunday morning, many months after Mr. Virgo died, I decided I needed to talk to someone who never tired of hearing my cries. Someone who would give and give and give…no matter how much I needed. Who would love me no matter how messy or messed up I got. I went back to church…and I’ve been going ever since.

As much as people want to help…they are people. They are fallible. They can say the wrong things. They can feel overwhelmed by your pain. They can burn out from your grief. But God? God never gets tired of hearing from you. God never gets tired of comforting you. He never gets tired of holding you close. Greater is the one who lives within me than the one who lives in the world. God is the one…the only one who will always, always love you. Even when you cry that horrible snot-slinging cry that no one needs to see. Even when you are so anxious you stay up puking all night. Even when your life seems not worth living. The only way you can lose is to give up. Don’t give up. Don’t ever give up. Because joy comes again. It sneaks in the cracks of your broken heart when you least expect it. Not all at once…just a little tiny bit at a time. But it comes, dear one. Hang on…it comes. ❤️

“You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world.” ‭‭1 John‬ ‭4:4‬ ‭NIV‬‬

#God, #Love, #Light

Deep Freeze

Fri, 05 Jan 2018 02:30:21 -0600

Winter Dawn by Ginny McKinney

As most of the country settles in for a rough ride on the Snowball Express, I am sitting here snug as a bug in a rug at Mr. FixIt’s house. I’ve taken to listening to praise music as I write my posts. I’ve changed things up and started writing during the day instead of late at night. I thought it might give me a different perspective and add a new dimension to the blog. The praise music not only keeps my heart in the right place, it inspires me to write about a scripture instead of the other way around. All this time I have written my post then I’d go look for an appropriate scripture that illustrated what my thinking was. That’s a much more time consuming process.

I downloaded an app on my phone called Moment. It tracks my screen time and frankly, I was appalled when I saw how much time I spend staring at a screen. Granted, it’s not all mindless surfing or game playing. A good portion of it is spent writing these posts. Now, that in itself is not a bad thing by any means. It’s just that…I have this really sweet guy that would probably enjoy a little more attention and a little less screen time. So, I’m trying a few new things…new tactics to shave a little time off the screen and a little more looking into those baby blues that look so adoringly into mine. Win-Win, right?

Another thing I’m going to try is, at least on occasion, including my drawings as the cover photo for my posts. This gives me the opportunity to practice…not only the drawings themselves, but the opportunity to be bold in sharing them. We all need opportunities to be bold.

So, here I sit…snuggled on the sofa under that beautiful blue fox fur blanket. A fresh latte. Kari Jobe. A fire. Snow softly falling. My tree will remain to bring me light and peace well into the new year. I have the promise of a meteor shower and a blue moon to look forward to this month. The year is fresh with hope and promise. And I have this really cool Apple Pencil and Procreate…the world is at my fingertips! My heart is full, even in the depths of this bitter cold. Stay warm, my friends. ❤️

“Out of the south cometh the whirlwind: and cold out of the north.” ‭‭Job‬ ‭37:9‬ ‭KJV‬‬

On Being Brave

Thu, 04 Jan 2018 02:30:08 -0600

I step out…WAY out of my comfort zone here sometimes. I believe in pushing boundaries in order to grow. It has made me a stronger, more well-rounded person to stretch since Mr. Virgo died.

I’ve always been creative. I can draw and paint landscapes, flowers, houses and do a pretty fair rendition. But people and animals…faces…elude me. I never get the proportion right. I’m heavy handed. There is no “life” in them.

When my iPad died at the beginning of the year and I bought a new one, there was this white pencil lying next to it. I asked the salesman what it was and he told me it was a new tool to draw with. He showed me a program called Procreate and he could turn the pencil into a paintbrush loaded with oils or a big, fat pastel or a fine technical pencil. Anything…this thing can be anything! It was magic to me and I HAD to have it. Have it, I did. I knew I wouldn’t have time to really use it until the long dark nights of winter so I’ve been anxiously waiting to play with it.

I have no idea why on earth I would start with a face. I did a study on eyes. I did a quick sketch that vaguely resembled Mr. FixIt. Then I put on my headphones, turned on the Kari Jobe station on Amazon Music and closed my eyes. I thought of Jesus as I listened to the praise music and pictured His face. Then I started to draw. I tried to “get out of the way” and let my hand draw what I saw in my mind. I enjoyed watching it take shape. It’s amateurish, to say the least. And (here’s where I’m stepping out of my comfort zone) I’m sharing it with you here.

I’m much better at painting a picture with words. I’m much better at making a quilt or stitching a sampler or knitting a pair of socks. I’m much better at making jewelry out of old silverware or antique maps. A long time ago, I tried my hand at writing and I listened to the wrong people. They told me my writing wasn’t publishable. That it really wasn’t good. And I believed that, so I stopped trying. This drawing of Jesus may not be very good…but nothing anyone ever says to me will ever make me stop trying again. No matter what it is I’m trying to do.

It doesn’t matter what the end product looks like. It doesn’t matter if a piece of art is gallery worthy. It doesn’t matter if you can’t carry a tune in a washtub. It doesn’t matter if your words aren’t Pulitzer Prize material. What matters is one thing…does it give you joy? If it does…do that! Don’t worry about what others might think. Don’t worry about being judged. Just do what brings you joy!

I’ll keep drawing. Who knows? My writing has improved over the years. Maybe the drawing will, too. But honestly? It’s a form of meditation for me…no matter how it looks. Be brave and stretch! ❤️

““Now get up, Ezra. Take charge—we’re behind you. Don’t back down.”” ‭‭Ezra‬ ‭10:4‬ ‭MSG‬‬

Surviving the Climb

Wed, 03 Jan 2018 02:30:36 -0600

Occasionally I get a comment on my blog from someone so fresh on this grief journey that they are lost. They don’t know where to turn or what to do next. They are obviously in a great deal of pain and my heart breaks for them because…I know. I’ve been there. Many of us have. I respond to every single comment on my blog. Most often it’s with a ❤️, just to let you know I have seen your comment. Occasionally, I write something back. On this particular occasion, I wrote a whole essay as my response. After giving it some thought, I decided it was time again to revisit “How do you survive this?”

My reader lost her husband unexpectedly in early November. He was minding his own business, driving to work, when he was struck head-on by an impaired driver and was killed. Her world was shattered. The future she had planned with her husband was gone. To add insult to injury, her husband’s death was followed in rapid succession by Thanksgiving, his birthday, an important graduation, Christmas, and New Years. All without him. Her question? How do you cope with this?

Here is my response:

First, let me tell you my heart is with you, dear one. You are SO fresh on this journey and it’s so difficult. Having all those firsts, one after another when the ink is hardly dry must be unbearable. I can’t tell you how to grieve because it’s such a personal thing. I can tell you how I dealt with things and hopefully it will help you as well. If you haven’t yet, do go to Marshmallow Ranch on Facebook and see if you can scroll back to the early days of my blog. You will find much more relatable material there. I started the blog in January 2013 as a way to promote jewelry I was making. Then Mr. Virgo died in March. That’s when the blog morphed into an online grief journal. I know that’s a lot of material to sort through, but it just might help.

At your stage of this journey, let me say this…there is no rule book. But here’s a list of ways to cope.

Don’t let anyone say you should do it this way or you shouldn’t do it that way. Do it your way.
You will make mistakes. Don’t be too hard on yourself when you do.
Be careful…extra careful with your money.
Get plenty of rest, eat right, and exercise as you can.
Avoid drugs and alcohol…they are nothing but bandaids that put off the hurt. That goes for new relationships. I know, I know. I thought that was crazy too till I got involved with someone just five months after my beloved died. I just wanted the pain to go away but when I pulled that bandage off, dear God…it was worse.
Feel your feelings. Cry when you need to. Laugh when you can.
There’s an actual condition called grief brain. You can’t remember squat and it may be scary as the dickens. Don’t worry…it does get better in time. You never go back to baseline, but you do get better.
You won’t be in this fog forever and eventually you will feel joy. Don’t feel guilty for that.
I found the services of a grief counselor to be extremely helpful. I had PTSD from watching the CPR for hours so I had EMDR treatments which helped immensely.

Remember…you don’t “get over” this…you get through it. But, you will never be the same. Let me repeat that…you will never be the same. Don’t even try to find the old you. She is gone. Once a pickle, always a pickle…you don’t get to go back to being a fresh little cucumber again. Whether you become a sour or sweet pickle is largely up to you. Do NOT give up hope of finding a good life, though. You can…and you will…with determination and perseverance.

I realized early on that he died, I did not. I owed it to his memory to live…actually LIVE the days my husband was not given. Since we were looking at campers when he died, I went out and bought one and joined Sisters on the Fly…a women’s adventure group. I also belong to Girl Campers. These are all empowering groups that helped me become brave and strong.

One last word of caution. It’s ok to mattress surf once in a while but don’t live there. Get up every day, splash water on your face, brush your teeth, and get dressed. Make your bed. You’re not as likely to climb back in it if it’s made. Scrub your kitchen sink. A clean sink sets the tone for the day in my book. Even if you just move from the bed to the couch…you’ve moved. Keep moving. One step, two steps. Eventually you will be able to take a deep breath again. (Oh, that’s also a thing. Physiologically, grief causes you to sigh a lot which makes you try to take deep breaths and it’s difficult. You almost feel like you can’t get a deep enough breath. Unless you are passing out or have chest pain or prolonged irregular heartbeat or cold, clammy sweat, its nothing to be worried about. Always ask your healthcare professional if you are concerned about your health. However…this sensation disappears after some time.)

Tincture of time. That’s how I dealt with the loss of my husband. Move forward…and pray, a lot. You may not feel Him there, but God is with your every step. He holds you in the palm of His hand and He weeps for your pain. Let Him wrap His feathers around you and take your rest there. Come back here anytime you need some support. You may send me private messages at any time and I will get back to you as soon as I can. Prayers for comfort and strength, dear one. This is a club we didn’t ask to join. You will learn how to perform magic like tap dancing around that husband-sized hole in your heart without falling in…every…damn…time.

Grief comes in waves. At first it knocks you down. Eventually you learn to expect the waves and you can lean in and keep your footing without drowning. It’s almost five years since my loss and I have built a new life. I have expanded my social circle and have learned many new skills. And…much to my amazement…I have found love again and it is so sweet and rich. Mostly because now I have a thorough understanding of just what I lost and how incredibly precious life and love are.

We all know someone who suffers a loss. We don’t always know how to help or what to say. May I suggest bookmarking this page and share it when appropriate? Share it with everyone you know because someone knows someone who is hurting. Let’s make this the year we reach out to widows and widowers and offer them whatever comfort and support we can. ❤️

“Do not neglect to do good and to share what you have, for such sacrifices are pleasing to God.” ‭‭Hebrews‬ ‭13:16‬ ‭ESV

Out With the Old...In With the New!!!

Mon, 01 Jan 2018 02:30:47 -0600

I love when the calendar turns to a new year. The slate is wiped clean and you can start fresh…a great big do over. Never was this more impactful to me personally than January 1, 2014. It was the first New Year’s Day after losing Mr. Virgo. Somehow, I had it in my head that if I could just say “My husband died last year” it would somehow make the loss easier. It didn’t. Not by a long shot.

I had, in my crazed grief-stricken brain, thought it would be a good idea to start dating someone…just five months after my sweet husband died. Holy Mother of God…what was I thinking??? In my defense…I wasn’t thinking. That first year…well, really the first two years…I wasn’t sane. Not in a conventional definition of the word anyway. I did some things right, but my thinking was just off. My decision making skills were lacking. Thank God time and lots of prayer and introspection have brought me to this new place…this new life.

Now when I look at the New Year, I contemplate where I’ve been, what I’ve done, and formulate new goals. I don’t make resolutions. I’ve never kept a resolution in my life. But I do come up with a focus word. The word for 2017 was “Reach”. I think I lived up to that. I launched a new website. I spoke to several groups. I was interviewed on several podcasts and publications. I had a branded series developed for me called “Getting Bolder” on the Sisters on the Fly website. I continued to write an essay every day here. I traveled to Florida twice, the Outer Banks, Tennessee, and Colorado. I camped and/or had outings with the Girl Campers and Sisters on the Fly several times. I continued working on my social media platform to improve my chances of selling this book I’ve got basically written. And…I introduced you to Mr. FixIt. It’s been a really big year and I reached about as far as I could!

So, now I need a new word for the new year. There are so many things I want to practice in the coming year. Patience. I am not a patient person. Compassion. I try, but I am not always successful practicing compassion with people who try my patience. Love. I want to feel my Heavenly Father’s love and involvement in everything I do so that I might feel that same love toward everyone…including those to whom I want to show compassion because they have tried my patience. You see where I’m going with this? You might think I’m going to choose the word “Patience” to meditate on this year, but you’d be wrong. I learned a long time ago not to pray for patience because when I do, God gives me every single little opportunity to practice it and I just don’t have it in me to be that challenged anymore. No, I have a different word in mind.

My choice? Presence.

If I am present in all I do, I am here to show up and do what is needed. If I am present…I feel God’s love. If I am present…I can actively choose to love others as Jesus loves me. If I feel God’s love, and actively choose to love others the way Jesus loves me, in every interaction I have…everything gets better. My relationships with family and friends are bound to improve. My interactions with others…even complete strangers…can only improve when I exemplify the kind of love Jesus has for me.

How do you remain present in today’s hectic world? To achieve the kind of presence I am looking for, I need to start every day with a connection to the Source. I need to reach for His Word first…before Facebook. Before the news and weather. Even before Mr. FixIt. It doesn’t take much. Five minutes. Five minutes first thing every morning, before anything else, I will seek His face and feel His love for me. I will invite Him to come into my day…into my world…and walk with me. It’s no different than asking any other loved one to go for a walk with me. But the benefits are undeniably higher.

That’s my word. Presence. Feel every moment. Focus on God’s love. Bring His Love and Light into every aspect of my life. I can’t help but shine! ❤️

“After looking at the way things are on this earth, here’s what I’ve decided is the best way to live: Take care of yourself, have a good time, and make the most of whatever job you have for as long as God gives you life. And that’s about it. That’s the human lot. Yes, we should make the most of what God gives, both the bounty and the capacity to enjoy it, accepting what’s given and delighting in the work. It’s God’s gift! God deals out joy in the present, the now. It’s useless to brood over how long we might live.” ‭‭Ecclesiastes‬ ‭5:18-20‬ ‭MSG‬‬

True Love Has No End

Sun, 31 Dec 2017 02:30:44 -0600

They weren’t much more than kids when they met. I remember the first time I met my cousin Tommy’s girlfriend, Suzy. I had such a crush on Tommy in his Navy whites. And Suzy was as sweet as they come. She’s been around as long as I can remember.

I’ve told you about Tommy. He has mesothelioma. There is no cure. And up until the last few years, there really wasn’t much to even offer people in the way of treatment. But they did their homework and took Tommy to the doc who wrote the book on Meso and as a result, he has had two really good years he may not have had before.

The treatments Tom has received are not without side effects. The toxic meds have all but killed his kidneys. They have exhausted treatment after treatment yet, thanks to generous donations and scientific breakthroughs, more and more treatments become available. Maybe someday, they will find a cure. Because…you know. Cancer sucks.

Tommy faces his illness and death with a positive attitude and a great deal of courage. They haven’t been afraid to “start the conversation”. They talk about death and his design…how does he want his story to end when he gets to the last chapter. Suzy is brave and strong. Their love knows no bounds as they recently celebrated their 56th wedding anniversary.

This year, Tommy wanted to give his “best girl” a gift that would knock her socks off. He wanted something so deeply meaningful that she would cherish it forever. Their daughter videotaped the moment for posterity. Suzy opened her gift ever so slowly. Indoor/outdoor slippers. (laughter) Then someone points out there’s something inside. Suzy looks closer and there it is…a small box tucked into one slipper.

“You stinker,” she gently chided this man she’s known forever.

She goes on to open the second gift when a puzzled look comes across her face. She turns to Tom and says, “For us?” She thought they were a matching set of rings. She looks again and finally can see…they are earrings. Someone off camera says…”Look at the ring.”

Suzy is still puzzled then Tommy holds up his left hand and she can see he is no longer wearing his wedding band.

“No!” she cried. “No! Not your ring!” You can see she is instantly devastated. Until Tommy bends toward her and shows her that he has had the date of their wedding engraved on the back. At this point, The enormity of this selfless gift suddenly hits Suzy and she puts her face in her hand and cries.

This is a sweet, personal moment between two wonderful people who love each other without limits. No disease…no cancer…not even death will truly separate these two. I asked for permission to share their story here. For one reason, I love them both so much. Second, I wanted to stress the importance of having “the conversation”, and three…I wanted to give you an idea what to do with his/her ring. Earrings made from a ring that has been cut in half would make a wonderful remembrance.

We don’t know the future. It’s not a matter of if, you know. It’s…when. We pray for a cure. We pray for new medicines. We pray for good quality of life. Time. We pray for time. Lots and lots. Oodles of time. We will love our loved ones like it’s our last day on earth…or theirs. And we will hold fast to the tokens of love like there’s no tomorrow. ❤️

www.facebook.com/melissa.a…

“Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.” ‭‭Philippians‬ ‭2:4‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Let Me Entertain You

Sat, 30 Dec 2017 02:30:39 -0600

One of the all time BEST things about Mr. FixIt is this…he LOVES to have guests over as much as I do. I know it’s hart for you to believe but…I love to talk with people and learn about them and visit and tell stories. We had dinner guests three times this week. What a blessing it is to share a table with friends and family.

We started with an appetizer of baked brie en croute with fig jam. It sounds like something complicated but it wasn’t. I bought it at Sam’s, baked it at 375 for 20 minutes. Done!

Our dinner guests brought salad and I served it with hot rolls and an aioli of crushed herbs, salt, pepper, more of that wonderful Chardonnay Garlic infused olive oil drizzled over top, and a small pool of both Mango pulp and Blueberry vinegar. Yummmmm!

For the main course, I roasted two chickens. I did something completely different. I stuffed them with whole garlic cloves, quartered onions, and wedges of lemon. I trussed them up with kitchen twine, rubbed the sling with Chardonnay Garlic Olive Oil and sprinkled them with fresh ground pepper, ground pink Himalayan salt, more garlic, rustic herbs, and crushed rosemary. I placed a parking rack in a roasting pan and baked them at 350 for a little over 2 hours. OMGosh! When I cut into that chicken and the aroma of lemon and garlic hit the air? Wowza! It was awesome.

I accompanied the meal with fresh steamed broccoli with mashed potatoes and gravy (Sam’s ready made Yukon Gold Mashed Potatoes and Teay’s Valley Cream gravy made this part of the prep fast and easy.)

Dessert was homemade Gluten Free Bread Pudding with a dollop of French Vanilla Ice Cream. It was pretty heavenly!

Served with a Pinot Noir or my personal favorite, Fré dealcoholized wine, this was a meal fit for royalty. And it really wasn’t that difficult, or expensive, to throw together.

Here’s the recipe for the dessert. Bon Appetit!

Gluten Free Bread Pudding

6-8 slices of stale gluten free bread, cubed 4 eggs 2 cups milk 3 tablespoons Splenda blend brown sugar 1/2 c. Stevia for baking 1/2 tsp. Cinnamon 1/4 tsp. Apple Pie Spice 1 tsp Vanilla 1/2 tsp salt 3-4 big handfuls of raisins About 2/3 c. chopped pecan4 T. butter, melted

Cube bread and place in prepared baking dish. In this case, I used an 8” iron skillet sprayed with Baker’s Joy.

Add raisins and pecans.

Mix the rest of the ingredients and pour over bread. Using a fork, press the cubed bread down into the egg mixture to moisten it thoroughly. Drizzle the melted butter over the top. Bake in a preheated 350 degree oven till the top begins to brown and the filling is springy to the touch. Serve warm with ice cream.

❤️

“Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and eat with him, and he with me.” ‭‭Revelation‬ ‭3:20‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Doing the Right Thing

Fri, 29 Dec 2017 02:30:07 -0600

I love doTerra products. I especially love their LifePak vitamins and use them, along with a cannabis ointment to control the crippling plantar-palmar psoriasis I got after Mr. Virgo died. When I purchase these vitamins, I get reward points that I can redeem for free oils or other products. I didn’t realize just how many points I had until a couple of weeks ago. So, I had a grand time ordering bunches of stuff!

I received a notice in the mail just before Christmas that my box had arrived but it wouldn’t fit in the mailbox. I’m not sure why they didn’t deliver it to the door. We were home and could have received it, but it was during the Christmas rush so I am sure the mail carrier was overwhelmed. I went to the Post Office Tuesday and picked up my package. It was like a late Christmas gift to myself!

Yesterday, I received three more boxes. In those boxes were three bottles of shampoo and two more Copaiba oils. I looked back at the emailed order confirmation and I had only ordered one shampoo and one Copaiba, among other things. That is when I also noticed that I didn’t receive one of the items on the original order.

I contacted customer service via the chat app on doTerra’s website. I spoke with Jakob and explained the situation. He said he would be happy to send out the missing item right away and email me a label to ship back the duplicate items. He offered to award me 10 bonus points for my inconvenience. In the course of the conversation, I told him I could have just kept the extras but that wouldn’t have been the honest thing to do. He came back and said he appreciated customers like me and he was going to add 20 bonus points instead of 10! That is free product in my mailbox…all for being nice.

I began this blog five years ago. I have written an essay nearly every day, covering a wide range of topics from my grief at losing Mr. Virgo to camping in the wilderness of Colorado to living on the family farm. I’ve talked about childhood memories, recipes, farm cats, and family. I’ve touched on sensitive subjects like depression, anxiety, sexual abuse, and even came close to the third rail of politics…at least in the sense of trying to get along. I’ve talked about God and my faith and the importance of being good for goodness’ sake. In all that time, I can count on one hand the times I’ve had someone post something negative to me here. Do you know how rare that is in this business? The internet lets the bars down for rudeness because our interactions are not face-to-face. This emboldens some people to bring out the ugly side of humanity.

I cannot tell you how much I appreciate you all…every single one of you. You meet me in this space and we have mutual respect and caring. There have been times when I have considered quitting. There have been times when it has become overwhelming and I have had trouble finding my voice. There are times when I feel perhaps I have said everything there is to say. It got better when I reached the point that I could lay down the burden of my grief and I realized I didn’t have to talk, or write, about it all the time. And, every time I’ve thought of stopping, I get feedback from you. Someone says, “You were speaking to me today.” or “This spoke to my heart this morning.” That’s when I realize…I’m not done. God is still using me to deliver the hope and encouragement only He can give. I ask Him for the words. He gives them to me freely. He will tell me if it’s time to quit.

So, I’ll be here every morning as you have your cup of coffee, or every afternoon when you take a break, or every evening when you stop and catch up with what’s been going on with everyone. I pray you find hope and joy and peace here. I hope you see the goodness in my life comes straight from God and it brings you closer to Him. Your “likes” and your “shares” and your comments bring His word to a greater and greater audience. We all spread Light and Hope and Joy when we share Him with others.

Thank you…for being here, for listening, for loving on me. Thank you for another year’s journey. Thank you for the many, many blessings you bring me. It is an honor to be invited into your hearts and lives every day and I do not take that lightly. Thank you for letting me be…well, ME! I am richly blessed. ❤️

“The one who offers thanksgiving as his sacrifice glorifies me; to one who orders his way rightly I will show the salvation of God!"” ‭‭Psalms‬ ‭50:23‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Hygge = Comfort

Thu, 28 Dec 2017 02:30:42 -0600

Yesterday was a much better day. It still amazes me how quickly things shift for me since losing Mr. Virgo. Yes, it’s been nearly five years since he died. Yes, I am in a wonderful, fulfilling relationship. But am I the same as I was before the loss? No…not by a long shot. Is every aspect of that a bad thing? The loss…yes. The grief has been incredibly difficult. But the peace and personal growth I have grasped between the waves is nothing short of miraculous.

I spent some time at the farm, soaking in the quiet winter sounds. Then came here to a quiet house. Mr. FixIt was off running errands so I curled up on the sofa, wrapped in the warmth of my fur throw made from the coat Mr. Virgo gave me our first married Christmas. The fire was going. The tree was lit. The soft scented candle I got for Christmas filled the air with the sweetness of apples and cinnamon. I asked Alexa to play the Zen Garden station on Amazon Music. The sun outside the window glittered on the new fallen snow. A cardinal sang in the brush next to the house. A cup of tea sat at my side. The freedom and peace was palpable.

Again, in my ever hopeful way, I stared out the window…searching the barren landscape for the beauty of winter. It’s difficult for me. I’m a summer girl. I let my eyes move across the the hill to the road and over to the meadow. I love it here. There’s five acres of flat land out there. I let my mind wander to past dreams. I’ve always wanted a place where I could hold retreats for artists, writers, craftspeople. A place where my Sisters and Girl Camper friends could bring their trailers and circle around a campfire. The big pole building out back is the perfect size for barn sales and dances. I let my eyes move on. There’s a pool between the building and the house. I smiled. Pool parties, family gatherings, barbecues. I have plenty of things to look forward to in the coming months.

I am also reminded of the term “hygge”. Originating in Scandinavia, the term means “simple, cozy pleasures, gratefulness, focusing on a better quality of life, taking pleasure in the presence in the gentle, an appreciation of the simple things in life, soothing things, a practical way of creating sanctuary, a place to restore and revive in the middle of very real life, evoking feelings of comfort” according to a recent article by Jan Zimmer, (Port Huron, Mich.) of the Times Herald. This will be my focus for the coming months. I will embrace the sunshine when it comes. I will listen for the song of the winter birds. I will sample teas and read and commune with my love. And, I will enjoy this end of the pendulum’s swing while I have it. ❤️

“…his favor lasts a lifetime; weeping may stay for the night, but rejoicing comes in the morning.” ‭‭Psalm‬ ‭30:5‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Practicing Minimalism

Tue, 26 Dec 2017 02:30:08 -0600

I’ve had opulent Christmases where opening presents was a long, drawn out affair. And, I’ve had lean Christmases where money was scarce. I’ve seldom had a Christmas where we just intentionally bought each other a small gift so we could do something else…in this case, put new carpet in the family room that we recently painted. I have to tell you, it felt good to not have to worry about shopping, wrapping, paying for, and storing more “stuff” while still having a small token to enjoy.

I gave Mr. FixIt a nice weather station that records wind speed and direction, rainfall, temperature and humidity. It’s connected to the WiFi so we can check our weather at home wherever we are through an app on the phone. Kind of fun!

I got a much needed cushion for my banker’s chair and a book commemorating the Centennial of our high school. We had a big breakfast, watched movies, and went for a long drive to look at Christmas lights. Perfect!

And now, Christmas is over for another year. We’ll still have a week of festivities surrounding New Year’s, and then we have that long stretch of cold, grey winter. That’s what does me in. I love the cold and snow…at Christmas. Then I’m ready for March. It’s better now that Mr. FixIt is in the picture. He brings a welcome distraction. I remember the first winter or two after Mr. Virgo died were absolutely miserably long! I think Christmas lights should be left up till at least the end of February to bring light and joy into the night!

We are planning a lot of activities to pass the time till warm weather returns. Hand therapy will take some time. Dinner parties, crafting weekends with the girls, sewing projects. I want to teach Mr. FixIt’s daughter how to knit. Maybe his granddaughters would like to learn, too. There are projects inside that need doing…stripping wallpaper and painting, replacing the backsplash and countertops in the kitchen, replacing some doors and baseboards. Lots to keep us busy.

This is my new life. I still sometimes sit in awe that I have been blessed with another opportunity to love, another family to cherish, another home to care for. It seems surreal after so much loss, so much pain. I swore I would never do this again. Oh….but, I’m SO glad I did. I wouldn’t have missed this for anything! What a blessing this is! ❤️

“Better a little with the fear of the Lord than great wealth with turmoil.” ‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭15:16‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Merry Christmas

Mon, 25 Dec 2017 02:30:48 -0600

Wishing you Peace and Love…today and always!

Love, Ginny

Santa IS Real

Sun, 24 Dec 2017 02:30:27 -0600

He held three beautiful children on his lap that afternoon in the mall. Three shining faces, looking up at him in rapt attention, their eyes glittering in awe. He’d done this many times over the years…listening to the repeated requests for dolls, trucks, maybe a baby brother or sister once in awhile. It never got old with him. He was born to be Santa!

As the children got up one by one and gave the jolly man a hug, they smiled into the camera for that “Christmas Card shot” and he sent them on their way with a candy cane and a wave. He looked around and saw the line had finally thinned and he could take a much needed break. That’s when he saw her.

A woman stood alone, a fair distance away, but not so far that he missed her tears. Their eyes met and he held her gaze for a few moments.

“What’s this?” he thought. “Something’s up.”

The cocked his head to the side, and without looking away, he moved slightly to his left in the chair, and patted the seat beside him. The woman looked a little startled, as though she might turn and run. But, he softened his shoulders, softened his eyes, and patted again.

The woman gripped the wad of Kleenex in her hand, took a deep breath, and moved cautiously forward. At first, she sat on the stool at his feet with her eyes cast down. She didn’t say a word. He bent forward and whispered.

“Please, sit here. Come up here where I can talk to you.”

The woman dutifully got up and moved to the seat beside him. He could tell she was visibly distraught and he didn’t want to rush her. There was no one in the line and the mall had hit the mid afternoon slump.

The woman began to whisper and he had to lean in close to hear her.

“I lost my husband.” she said. “I need a new heart.” At this point, she burst into tears. He put his arm around her. He pulled her close in to his side and whispered.

“I am so sorry.” There wasn’t much more he could say to that.

The woman struggled and managed to choke out the words. She had lost her husband to a sudden heart attack as they were standing in a travel trailer, picking out one to take them on adventures in retirement. And then he was just gone. She didn’t know how she was going to live without him. It broke his heart.

After a while, the woman regained her composure and apologized.

“Oh, I’m so sorry. I must look a fright!” she said.

“You’re perfect.” he whispered as he handed her another Kleenex and they smiled at each other. She got up to leave.

“Will you have your picture taken with me?” he asked.

“Really? I’d love to.” she replied.

As the “elf” handed her the photo, she looked at it and her lip quivered ever so slightly.

“Thank you for stopping.” he said.

“Thank you for being real.” she whispered back.

It’s been five Christmases since I met my Santa. Every year, I send him my letter, telling him what I’ve done this year…things I’ve accomplished, things I still need to do. And I thank him. For being so kind to a grieving widow suffering through her very first Christmas without her love. Santa writes back and tells me his life was forever changed that day and he is so happy to see me doing better every year.

It’s going to be a big letter this year! I get to tell him about Mr. FixIt and how much bigger my family is now after adding 12 more people to it…including a new great granddaughter! I get to tell him about our travels and how we got to spend time with my Colorado family this year and how much I miss them at Christmas.

I think I taught him a lot that year. I taught him just how difficult it is that first year without your love. The second was probably worse. At least, it was for me. If you are struggling with the loss of your loved one, do be gentle with yourself. This is such a fragile time of year. I’m here to say…with time, prayer, hard work, and perseverance, life can get better again. Joy cometh in the morning, the Bible says. And, it does.

Oh, and just in case you’re wondering…Santa IS real. And…he is my friend. ❤️

Dear Santa…

“May the Lord repay you for what you have done. May you be richly rewarded by the Lord, the God of Israel, under whose wings you have come to take refuge.”” ‭‭Ruth‬ ‭2:12‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Love,

Ginny

Here We Go a’Wassailing

Fri, 22 Dec 2017 02:30:51 -0600

I remember going caroling as a young girl. A group of my friends and I would gather and roam the neighborhood, ringing doorbells then singing carols to the family who answered. Of course they were home. It was just after dinner time…families were always home at dinner time.

I loved Christmas when I lived in England. Steeped in such old world traditions, carolers there literally looked as though they had just stepped from the pages of a Charles Dickens novel. Wassail is both a greeting and a drink. Traditional wassail is a complicated affair that includes eggs. This recipe is more like what we call spiced, or mulled, cider. Victorians carried a bowl of wassail out into the street and sold cupfuls for pennies. A bit of toasted bread was placed on top. Hence, the expression…”Let’s have a toast!” when you raise your glass.

Wassail, or spiced cider, or mulled wine…all conjure up Currier and Ives scenes of horse-drawn sleighs, women in capes and muffs, men in top hats, snow gently falling. Sleigh bells jingling with the rhythm of the horse’s gait. The last scene of one of my favorite movies, White Christmas, shows this very picture as they throw open wide the doors behind the stage.

I doubt we will have a white Christmas this year in West Virginia. But we WILL be having “The First Annual FixIt Family Holiday Extravaganza” on Saturday. This will consist of the WVU Basketball game, hors d’oeuvres, opening presents, and eating a big pot of chili with homemade cinnamon rolls for supper. I’m over my cold, thank you God! (Zicam is my secret weapon…reduces a two-week ordeal to three days!) I didn’t go to Colorado this year…for a number of reasons. Mainly because Mr. FixIt had hand reconstruction surgery two weeks ago and couldn’t do much of anything. He’s doing really well…thank you for your prayers. He went to get the stitches removed but it’s not quite healed up enough for that so he’ll go back next week.

What are some of your favorite family holiday traditions? I’d love to hear them! And, if you have a recipe you’d like to share, please do. ❤️

“Now I commend you because you remember me in everything and maintain the traditions even as I delivered them to you.” ‭‭1 Corinthians‬ ‭11:2‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Messages From Beyond

Thu, 21 Dec 2017 02:30:12 -0600

I first met Sheba Wheeler at a holiday dinner at The Warwick Hotel in downtown Denver. Mr. Virgo was the Food & Beverage Director and had invited me to come down to the restaurant so we could at least see each other that day. Seating was limited so singles were being asked to buddy up at tables. I always enjoy family style seating as I get the opportunity to meet interesting people.

Sheba and I hit it off from the get go. She was also a writer, working for the Denver Post. She’s a superb photographer and we enjoyed an evening of lively conversation. There was something about Sheba that drew me to her. She seemed exotic and mysterious and as comfortable as an old quilt. She had really great energy and I felt she was special…as in, she had “gifts”.

I’ve kept in touch with Sheba all these years and have watched her open up to accepting the gifts she has. She’s had many life changes…a new relationship, a couple flooding disasters that forced her out of her home, the loss of a job she loved. But with every door that closed, another opened.

Sheba grew up in the church and her faith was instilled in her at an early age by her family. At the same time, she knew she was different. She “saw things”, “felt things”, “heard things”. It turns out, she learned long after her death that her mama had “the gift” too. It happened after she moved in the new house

It wasn’t till she moved into a new home that Sheba got a real taste of what was to come. There was a spirit there. A Victorian woman named Theresa. She “visited” her. Sheba saw her clearly…heard her voice…felt her presence. She called in an investigator who helped her communicate. The investigator became her mentor and told her about her abilities as a medium. Sheba fought it for months till she finally embraced her gift. And once that door was opened, she became quickly overwhelmed with the sudden onslaught of spirits clamoring for her attention.

Now, I know what some of you are thinking. “Oh, that’s impossible.” “It’s heresy…evil…black magic.” “It’s demonic.” “It’s not Christian!” Listen, I’m here to tell you…I am a Christian. I love my God and have put my faith in Jesus. AND…there are unexplainable mysteries in life. The first time I saw my grandpa in the garden, leaning on his hoe, wiping his brow and waving…a full two years after he died…I was stunned. My grandma had told me long before that if I ever smelled roses around someone and there were no roses there, it meant someone was going to die. That has literally happened to me. When my aunt learned that these things had happened to me, she taught me to look at the time when I had “feelings” so I could look back later in comparison.

I believe Sheba when she says spirits visit her. I have no reason to believe she is mentally ill. I do not believe she is evil. Yet she is attacked weekly by people…mean people…over what many call “the gift”. In 1 Corinthians, Chapter 12, Verse 10 speaks of the Holy Spirit gifting certain people with the ability to “discern spirits”. I believe that’s what Sheba does…she discerns spirits around her.

I hadn’t had a chance to chat with Sheba in a long time and she kept popping into my head. I’ve learned to follow through when that happens, so I texted her. We chatted a while. I told her I had been following her posts about her gift. She had met Mr. Virgo. I asked her if he had ever tried to contact her. She said no but she could try from her end. I didn’t hesitate in asking her to do so. She asked for his full name and some bit of information only he and I would know. I gave her his dad’s nickname for him. Now, remember…this is via text. She told me she had never tried this avenue before but she would do her best.

I waited a few moments while she gathered her thoughts. Soon she came back…laughing. She said, “He’s here! The first thing he said was….Well, it TOOK you long enough!” You see, Mr. Virgo and I watched all the ghost hunting shows. We downloaded an app on my phone that could detect changes in the electromagnetic field. And, we promised each other that if there was any possible way to reach out and send a message from beyond, we would. I’ve felt his presence. I’ve even heard his voice on one occasion. I’ve had my cards read…not Tarot…just ordinary playing cards. I’ve been told he’s “with” me. I was even told the person was given a mental picture of the two of us, sitting in white wicker chairs on a covered front porch, drinking something out of mugs. That would describe our typical morning having coffee on the front porch. He told her to tell me those were the happiest times of his life, being out there with me. But, this was different. I was asking someone to connect with him directly and let me ask questions and get answers.

I asked if he was ok.

“Yes.”

Are you happy?

“Yes, it’s all love and light here.”

Then Sheba said, “Wait a minute. He’s really upset. I had to tell him to reel it back a little. It drains my energy too fast.”

She was still for a few moments when she came back and said, “He says he’s sorry. He’s sorry he left you like that. He didn’t mean to.”

“I know he didn’t. He doesn’t have to be sorry.”

“He’s saying “Nooooooooo…I was supposed to do something!”

Immediately, I knew what he was talking about. The doctor had told him five months before he died that he needed a complete cardiac workup. He refused. I think he was saying he should have had the tests done then this wouldn’t have happened. He knew I had forgiven that. But he couldn’t forgive himself.

“You need to talk to him, Ginny!” Sheba said. “You need to tell him he needs to forgive himself…that you’re ok…that everything is as it should be, as it was meant to be.”

Sheba had to get to a meeting and we rang off. I thanked her, and told her I didn’t feel this was a “dark” thing. Then I sat back and talked out loud to Mr. Virgo.

“Honey, listen…I know you didn’t mean to leave me. I know you had a strong work ethic and you didn’t think you could take time off during the ski season. And, I know it must be upsetting to know you might have avoided this…for a while. You have to forgive yourself. Let this go. It is what it is. It was hard. It still is, sometimes. But I’m doing well. I’m happy, I’m healthy, the family is great, and I have this wonderful man that loves me like you did. Just let it go now, ok?”

Then something extraordinary happened. You know how it feels when you’ve had a pain for a long time and you resign yourself to it and it just seems like it’s normal to feel pain? Then when that pain goes away, it becomes apparent you didn’t realize how MUCH pain you had been in? Well, when I finished saying what I had to say to Mr. Virgo, I felt as though a huge ball of static electricity suddenly released itself in front of my chest. I hadn’t even realized I’d been feeling that till it suddenly released. I texted Sheba back later and told her and we were both amazed.

I know it may seem far-fetched. Science fiction. Voodoo. Occult. But this is not at all what I feel…nor is it what I believe. I believe the ways of God are mysterious. So far, there haven’t been any documentaries made with empirical evidence, no footage, no recordings, of what happens when we cross over. I am a Christian, and I am a scientist. I believe in mysteries. And, if this mystery brings me comfort, there is nothing wrong with that. I know it may not be what you believe, but it seemed pretty real to me so I thought I would share. And some day…some glad day…we will know. ❤️

“Now to each one the manifestation of the Spirit is given for the common good. To one there is given through the Spirit a message of wisdom, to another a message of knowledge by means of the same Spirit, to another faith by the same Spirit, to another gifts of healing by that one Spirit, to another miraculous powers, to another prophecy, to another distinguishing between spirits, to another speaking in different kinds of tongues, and to still another the interpretation of tongues. All these are the work of one and the same Spirit, and he distributes them to each one, just as he determines.” ‭‭1 Corinthians‬ ‭12:7-11‬ ‭NIV‬‬

*Note: There have been a few edits as Sheba clarified the details with me

The Great Snowy Owl

Wed, 20 Dec 2017 02:30:27 -0600

I love how Facebook can bring folks together that may never meet otherwise. That’s the case of Julie Zickefoose and me. When I was writing posts about the spring bird migration at the farm, a mutual friend “introduced” me to Julie. She is an artist and recently came out with a lovely book called Baby Birds. An artist’s view into the nests of birds in the Appalachian foothills of Ohio.

I was especially intrigued this spring when Julie took in a baby blue jay that had ended up on the ground below the nest and whose parents never showed up. She named her Jemima and taught us all how difficult it is to hand raise a wild baby bird. We watched with fascination as she fed her baby chopped up chicken and meal worms. We held our breath as Jemima learned to fly. We watched with mixed emotions as the fledgling was released into the wild, only to return to the safety of “her tree and feeder” time and again. Jemima is fully grown now but her pin feathers didn’t developed correctly because she was hours away from death by starvation when she arrived so she can’t fly very far till she molts next spring and grows new feathers.

Julie recently returned from a long awaited birding trip to Ecuador. On her way to the airport, she heard about a juvenile Snowy Owl that had made its way from the Arctic to the Mid-Ohio Valley, taking up residence along a creek near the mall in our little burg. Upon her return, she spent all day Monday observing the magnificent bird…and all the people who wanted to get close enough to take pictures. She was interviewed on the evening news and cautioned the public to give the bird space to rest. Here is the link to her story that was on her blog yesterday. It’s very well written and gives you the up close view you crave, but with a telephoto lens. I’ve seen a snowy owl once before. I haven’t gone to see this bird. For one thing, I’ve been under the weather all week. But, more importantly, this bird needs its space and it doesn’t need more people disturbing it. I’ll “see” it the same way you do…through Julie’s eyes. ❤️

http://juliezickefoose.blogspot.com/2017/12/parkersburgs-snowy-owl.html

“You may eat any clean bird. But these you may not eat: the eagle, the vulture, the black vulture, the red kite, the black kite, any kind of falcon, any kind of raven, the horned owl, the screech owl, the gull, any kind of hawk, the little owl, the great owl, the white owl, the desert owl, the osprey, the cormorant, the stork, any kind of heron, the hoopoe and the bat.” ‭‭Deuteronomy‬ ‭14:11-18‬ ‭NIV‬‬

The Modem of the Mind

Tue, 19 Dec 2017 02:30:33 -0600

I really love living out in the country. It’s peaceful. There’s lots of wildlife. It’s a slower life. I like life slow. I don’t like slow internet, however. Being a writer is a beautiful thing…until I’m standing with my cell phone over my head waving it around like a dead chicken, trying to get just…one…more…bar. It can be maddening.

Many of the images I use in my posts are really large…especially since I got my new iPhone. Great camera equals great pictures. Great pictures equals larger file size. That presents two problems. One, Wordpress only accepts files up to a certain size. Two, internet in the country is powered by two squirrels and a possum! It sometimes takes multiple attempts to get a photo or meme down to an acceptable size. That takes time and patience.

I went to the only office supply store in our little corner of the world and asked what I could do to make our internet work at the far end of the house where I write. We tried a booster. That didn’t work. We tried a repeater. That didn’t work either. Finally, I got the manager and he gave me a lesson in how WiFi works.

WiFi, it turns out, is pretty much like your water system. If you have one faucet in your house, every last bit of water pressure is going to send that water out like Old Faithful. However, if you have every faucet in the house turned on, the dishwasher running, a couple of showers, and someone flushes? You’ll be lucky to get a dribble. When we first got WiFi in our houses, we had a desktop computer, and maybe a laptop. Now we have, in this house alone, two iPhones, an iPad, Alexa, a laptop, two computers and a smart TV. It isn’t any wonder we can’t get everything to run well.

As I was driving home from the store after that enlightening conversation, I thought about how my faith journey can be so much like that WiFi. When it’s just me and God, the signal is loud and clear. I feel His presence. I hear His Holy Spirit in my heart. I connect. But when I start plugging in device after device, my connection gets spotty. I start dropping calls. It is not good to keep God on hold. When I have too many “devices” plugged in, like we all do at the holidays, something has to go. And the first thing that went was my health. I caught a cold. I haven’t had a full fledged cold in a really long time. I mean a knock-you-down-and-drag-your-sorry-butt-to-bed kind of cold. This is that kind of cold, darn it.

The good news is, colds are finite. You’re miserable for a few days and it gets better. I’ll be fine by Christmas. But, it IS a reminder to unplug some of those “devices” and spend some one-on-one time with God so my signal is clearer. ❤️

“Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and eat with him, and he with me.” ‭‭Revelation‬ ‭3:20‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Things That Make Me Smile

Sat, 16 Dec 2017 02:30:58 -0600

These dishes! Man, do these take me back. When I lived at home, I set the table every night with these dishes for as far back as I can remember. I know the Golden Wheat pattern by Homer Laughlin came from boxes of Duz Detergent. The green pattern was also from Homer Laughlin and was called Pastoral. It came in boxes of Mother’s Oats. Mom would get gas every couple of days so she could get glasses from the service stations. And the only “china” she ever owned came from the Kroger Store. I had a set as well. I had some white teacups with a gold rim on them that came from my grandma. She saved them and kept them nice to use at her and Pop-Pop’s Golden 50th, but he passed away two months before their anniversary. I can’t remember but I might have given them to my cousin so she would have some precious family keepsakes.

As you probably experienced in your home, it was difficult to get an entire set of dishes of one type before they went on with a new pattern, so our dinner tables were often set with a mish mosh of mismatched dishes and glasses. There were often hand-me-downs and “heirlooms” mixed it. And then, of course, there was Melmac and Melamine. Those came in handy when there were active kids in the family.

Mom bought her first real set of new dishes when she came to visit me when I lived in England. We went to market in Newbury twice a week. There were vendors there selling everything from yard goods to blood pudding. Don’t ask. It’s gross. Anyway, mom bought what I thought were the ugliest dishes ever made but she adored them. They were brown (the first strike against them) and had a bold black and white geometric pattern around the edges. I know, they don’t SOUND that bad, but trust me…they were awful. I bought a dainty rose patterned tea set. I was predictable. Mom was the maverick. She may not have had much, but she’d gladly share whatever she had.

This has been wonderful trip down memory lane this month. I guess it’s the holidays and missing loved ones that has be looking back with such fondness. I hope you’ve been enjoying taking a break from the news and the hectic hubbub that surrounds holiday celebrations. I’ll see what else I can come up with from the memory banks. ❤️

““Come, everyone who thirsts, come to the waters; and he who has no money, come, buy and eat! Come, buy wine and milk without money and without price.” ‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭55:1‬ ‭ESV‬‬

The Happy Accident

Fri, 15 Dec 2017 02:30:04 -0600

I love this time of year! There are so many fun things to do…parties, family gatherings, cookies to bake, trees to trim, packages to wrap. One thing I really miss this year is the chance to see my granddaughters perform in their annual holiday programs at school. I miss my girls. So, when Mr. FixIt’s son called the other night to tell us about his youngest having her program, we were thrilled to say, “Yes!”

I asked Mr. FixIt where the concert was going to be and he said it was at the historic hotel downtown. Neither one of us could figure out why on earth they would have it there. The venue isn’t nearly big enough. But, we didn’t ask questions. We just dressed for the occasion and headed downtown last night. We were lucky and found a parking space pretty close. We were really early so we could get a good seat. We got a coffee and walked around looking at the gingerbread houses on display for the contest being held this week. Finally, we headed to the ballroom to find a seat. When we opened the door, it was set up for a Christmas dinner party. We looked at each other in confusion. A gentleman said we could go on in.

“Ummmm, we’re here for the junior high choir concert.”, I said.

Now it was the gentleman’s turn to look puzzled. “This is the First Bank Christmas Party.”

I saw the light bulb come on over Mr. FixIt’s head. He started laughing. “It’s at the school!” he said. “It has the same name.” In his defense, he’s been taking pain pills since his surgery, but we had a good laugh over it. We had plenty of time to get where we needed to go and we found good seats. If it hadn’t been for Mr. FixIt’s misunderstanding, he wouldn’t have seen the gingerbread houses. So, it was a happy accident that we went to the wrong place first.

This particular granddaughter goes to the same junior high I went to. I remember we had a strong choir program so I was looking forward to not only seeing her perform, but to see how well the choir did in general. As it turns out, they’re doing great. Over 270 students take part in the music program. That’s nearly half the students. They did a great job.

School programs always take me back to the days when I performed onstage. I was in choir all through school and loved it. I still remember my first solo. I was in sixth grade and sang “What’s New at the Zoo in the musical “Cowboy on the Moon”. Yeah…it wasn’t Broadway material, but oh…I thought it was magical! The lights, the applause, the nervous excitement, the new dress or choir robe. Some of my most fond memories are of choir concerts. ❤️

“Shout for joy in the Lord, O you righteous! Praise befits the upright. Give thanks to the Lord with the lyre; make melody to him with the harp of ten strings! Sing to him a new song; play skillfully on the strings, with loud shouts.” ‭‭Psalms‬ ‭33:1-3‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Let’s Take a Ride on the Brain Train

Thu, 14 Dec 2017 02:30:54 -0600

In the early ‘80s, Hubby #2 was just finishing medical school and was about to start his internship and residency. I was working for a four-doctor Internal Medicine clinic as a Diabetes Educator. The wife of one of the doctors I worked for was writing a book about a kind of water exercise called “Flugel Fitness”. She contracted me to illustrate the instruction manual. In the process of working with her, we had lots of conversations about health and wellness. She had a workout studio and I started some weight loss classes for her. I remember having a conversation with her about my situational anxiety surrounding public speaking and she recommended a book by Shakti Gawain called Creative Visualization. I loved that book and read it many times and it did help.

Creative visualization and guided imagery are sort of like meditation. One image helped me feel grounded. I sat in the lotus position and imagined a lightning rod going from the top of my head, down my spine, and sinking deep within the earth. I pictured energy drawing up from the earth and showering out the top of my head and raining down over me. It was all very New Agey.

At this same time, Daughter #1 was about nine or ten years old. She loved for me to tell her stories at bedtime. Reading Shakti’s book gave me an idea. I wanted to see if creative visualization would work to help an active child settle down and fall asleep more easily. So, I created the Brain Train. We went on lots of “trips” on the Brain Train as I described intricate scenarios. It worked beautifully! She would relax and fall asleep much quicker with this type of guided imagery.

I decided to write a children’s book. I made it like a dry erase book with basic background images. The child uses a marker to draw in what they “see” as they ride the Brain Train through the countryside. It was a fun idea and Daughter #1 loved it. I submitted it to dozens of publishers and received dozens of rejections. Then, about a year later, creative visualization for children took off and there were books similar to mine everywhere. I figure I was just too far ahead of my time, right?

When Daughter #2 came along, she had many of the same anxiety issues I’ve struggled with. One day we were looking through some things and she saw the prototype book that I sent to publishers. I told her all about the Brain Train and we started using creative visualization to help her cope with stress. She loved it as much as her older sister.

I don’t get to talk to the girls as often as I’d like these days. They are busy with their lives. But, yesterday I got to talk with Daughter #2 for a lovely, long conversation. The subject of The Brain Train came up and she told me what an important tool that had been for her and how she still uses creative visualization. She said, “Mom, I still have the painting you did for me. It’s hanging in my bedroom.” She sent me this picture. It brings back so many memories of my girls when they were little. Tucking them into bed…warm from a bath, hair still damp, tummies full of milk and cookies. We would hop onboard the Brain Train and soon found ourselves riding through mountains or along the ocean or through a forest. We saw animals of all sizes and colors. Blue elephants, pink giraffes, polka dot monkeys. We crossed bridges and went through long dark tunnels and soon they relaxed and I heard the familiar deep, even breathing of sleep.

What a gift that was…to learn something I did for them…something I really haven’t thought of in ages…had such an impact. It made me feel like I felt when I held them on my lap, brushing their hair from their foreheads, kissing the top of their heads. It made me feel like a mom. I mean…once a mom, always a mom, right? I mean like a real, active, momming mom. It gave me the feels. ❤️

“Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer.” ‭‭Psalms‬ ‭19:14‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Just One More Day With Wanda

Wed, 13 Dec 2017 02:30:25 -0600

Yesterday’s post struck a sad place within my heart so I wanted to take today in a different direction, though in the end…I’m not sure I have. I’ve really loved all the reminiscing we’ve been doing this month. There were certainly Christmases that were difficult for me growing up and I don’t have good memories of them. But most of my holiday memories are all warm and fuzzy.

I ran across this photo the other day on Pinterest. Remember aqua? Mom let me “redecorate” the living room when I was in high school. Man…that woman must have loved me to the core to let me do what I did to her house! First, we bought the aqua sofa. Then I painted the walls a lighter shade of aqua. We found a room sized remnant of a dark aqua shag rug that I put down. I found shiny drapes in the same dark aqua. We bought these blonde wood end tables, probably at Sid’s Furniture. The lamps had odd angles and big shades. The piece de resistance was a big wall clock with an atomic sunburst pattern. OMGosh! It was like living in an aquarium! Too bad we didn’t have this aqua Christmas tree. That would have been a hoot. My poor mom kept that color in her living room till the day she died some 44 years later.

Our kitchen was so small. The walls were pale yellow. We had this same grey Formica table and chairs. The countertop was green with metal trim around the edges. Mom put up sunny yellow curtains with ruffles and it looked so cheery. The bathroom had pink fixtures. Mom let me paint and wallpaper in there sometime in the ‘80s. Remember when peach was a color you painted walls? Turquoise, peach with pink, yellow with green and grey. Lord have mercy. Mom loved it…because I did it. She wouldn’t let me change a thing. Partially because it meant she might have to get rid of stuff and I can absolutely relate to how daunting a chore that is.

It took months to fix it all up after she passed so I could sell her house. She would have loved the changes. I think. Maybe. I loved the new look. It was hard to sell that house when I was done and I’ve regretted the decision ever since.

I miss my mom. I miss our talks every Sunday. I miss her cool hands on my brow. I miss her calling me “Sis”. Or, Virginia Lynne if she was mad at me. I miss her naïveté to the ways of the world. I miss her big, loving heart. I miss making her laugh till she couldn’t catch her breath. I miss her spirit and her attempts at cussing. She couldn’t spit the words out. I miss her loyalty and her generosity. I miss her especially at Christmas. She used to frustrate the heck out of me, which is what moms sometimes do to their daughters, I think. But….oh my. What I wouldn’t give to spend just one more day with Wanda. ❤️

“So also you have sorrow now, but I will see you again, and your hearts will rejoice, and no one will take your joy from you.” ‭‭John‬ ‭16:22‬ ‭ESV‬‬

A New Old Tradition

Mon, 11 Dec 2017 02:30:29 -0600

Mr. Fixit and I have a unique relationship. Even though we have only been together a year, we share our earliest childhood memories because we grew up in the same town, at the same time. We are a little over a year apart in age, yet we graduated high school together. We have a lot of conversations that start with…”Hey, do you remember…?” That is unusual unless you’ve been with someone forever. We were in very early grade school together, then my family moved from Parkersburg up to Vienna…the next little town upriver. We joined up again in high school and became the best of friends so, we have literally known each other just shy of fifty years, even though I remember him from 1959.

As we create this new life together, we are revisiting time-honored traditions we each enjoyed with our families growing up. Last night, we shared one of our favorites…driving around looking at Christmas lights. We started our day out going to church. Afterwards, we went to the old Dutch Pantry restaurant for lunch. Now, the Dutch Pantry opened in 1972…the year after we graduated from high school. And, much to Mr. FixIt’s disbelief, I have never eaten there. To celebrate their 45th year in business, the Dutch Pantry is serving four meal specials…at 1972 prices! We had a huge plate of melt-in-your-mouth pot roast over dressing, mashed potatoes and gravy, and green beans for $2.45!!! It was SO good. Afterwards, we headed to the mall and walked around. I bought a red Christmas sweater for $11 and we went to our first movie together. When we came out, it was dark. We stopped at Rural King and bought cat food and litter, got a cold drink at McDonald’s, and headed to City Park to drive through and see the animated light displays.

One of my most treasured childhood memories was the one night during the holidays when we piled in Dad’s Oldsmobile and drove around to see the Christmas lights. The last stop was the most special. Robert Fankhauser…Dr. Bob…brought me into this world. (Back in the days when they held the baby upside down and smacked them on the butt! Can you imagine???) Dr. Fankauser had a big house on Grand Central Avenue…the main drag through Vienna. He always decorated with elaborate displays. Painted plywood cutouts of angels and carolers and Santa and Rudolph and Elves were the standard fare. But this one year, he made a rocket ship…a nod to the space age we were in. This first photo shows that rocket ship. There was music playing over loudspeakers and everyone drove slowly by with their windows down…ooooohing and ahhhhhhing over the beautiful decorations. It was truly magical.

I love creating new memories with this sweet man who shares so much of my past memories. It is so special and I t makes me smile. ❤️

“I think it right, as long as I am in this body, to stir you up by way of reminder,” ‭‭2 Peter‬ ‭1:13‬ ‭ESV‬‬

It’s That Time of Year

Sun, 10 Dec 2017 02:30:37 -0600

I visit this topic every year. There’s always a big hullaballoo every year about what to say when greeting others around the holidays. It seems like there are just WAY too many perceived offenses surrounding this subject. There are those offended by “Happy Holidays” or “Season’s Greetings”. There are some who are not necessarily offended by “Merry Christmas” but who wish to be more inclusive. Sometimes the debate gets heated and we forget what the whole thing is all about in the first place. Love. The kind of love that transcends all other love.

While I was not born Jewish, I lived as a Jew for 27 years. I became Jewish for a number of reasons, but it was NOT to convert because of a marriage. I married a Jewish man, but I considered myself Jewish before I met him. When he joined a medical practice in a small town on the western slope of Colorado, we were faced with a bit of a dilemma. Everything was strictly “Merry Christmas”. Which is fine. I have no problem with that. The Christmas program included Hanukkah songs, which was great. But, it was Hanukkah songs without acknowledging Hanukkah, per se. The other children in the school weren’t taught there was anything else BUT Christmas. They thought Hanukkah was the Jewish Christmas, and it isn’t. It doesn’t have anything to do with Christmas. And, being a stickler for education, I wanted the children to learn about all the winter holidays. I wanted all the children to be included and celebrated. And to do that, it couldn’t just be about ONE holiday…as if that were the only one.

I joined an ad hoc committee on religious sensitivity in the schools. We added books about other winter festivals and holidays to the school and public libraries. We asked for the program to be called the Winter Celebration. We were met with incredible resistance. The mayor of the little town was a former priest. He took great offense at our request. To the point that he hung a banner over the Main Street of town accusing the “heathens of trying to take Christmas away from our kids”. Personally, I really loved that man. He was kind, generous, and worked very hard for our town. He got our local representative involved. It was a real mess. We met with them. We communicated. We pleaded for our children to be included. And, as time passed…they were. We weren’t trying to take anything away from other children. We were trying to expand the scope of the holidays to embrace all children.

I don’t feel any holiday should be diluted. Every faith has its own place in this melting pot of a country. Religious freedom is what this country was founded on. I am a great proponent of inclusivity. In the years since, I have become a Christian. My faith is very important to me. But, I have a memory. And my little girl was ostracized by her peers. She was…to her face…called a “stupid effing Jew” and that is totally unacceptable.

So, here’s my bottom line. I do not care if you say Merry Christmas. I didn’t care when I was Jewish if you said Merry Christmas to me. You were being kind and wishing me well. What’s not to love about that? I, however, will more than likely say “Happy Holidays” to you unless I know for certain that you celebrate Christmas. Because, I am not clairvoyant. Unless you are wearing a Santa suit or elf ears, I’m not going to assume who or what you are. I will respect your human-ness. With a heartfelt holiday greeting.

I love Christmas. And, I love Hanukkah. I am not familiar with Kwanza, but I love that there is such a holiday. For me personally, I love the story of the Nativity, of the birth of the Christ Child. And, I love all of you. I hope this season is full of love, no matter what your faith…or lack thereof. This is a dark time of year, and a dark time of the world in many ways. We all need all the Love and Light we can get…and not just in December! ❤️

“The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end;” ‭‭Lamentations‬ ‭3:22‬ ‭ESV‬‬

A Lost Art

Thu, 07 Dec 2017 02:30:32 -0600

How many Christmas cards did you get last year? Not too many, huh? Yeah…me either. Maybe it’s because I lived on the road for a couple of years. Maybe it’s because Mr. Virgo died. Maybe it’s because the “old guard”…the older generations…are passing on. Maybe it’s because I stopped sending them. Whatever the reason, the giving and receiving of Christmas Cards seems to have fallen to the wayside with the likes of the “Thank You Note” and the “Handwritten Letter”.

I remember it being such an honor for Mom to let me open a Christmas Card when it arrived. I slowly opened each envelope, being careful not to rip the return address. We ooohed and ahhhed over the picture on the cover marveling over the glitter or the crystals of “snow”. We read every word. We pored over the newsy letter that was enclosed in the cards of those who lived far away. These weren’t “brag letters”. These were informative bringing us up to date with the news of the year because phone calls were expensive and this may be the only way to catch up.

My mom knew a man named Mr. Pancake. Really…that was his last name. One year, he had Christmas Cards made. They were cutouts of a pancake with a smiley face on it. Inside, it said “Merry Christmas from the Pancake House.” We kept that card forever. I think it was still in Mom’s treasures when she died. I don’t know if I kept it or not. That was my most memorable card.

I love the photo cards that you can look back on and see how children have grown and the older folks have aged. I even love the “brag letters”. Getting a piece of mail that isn’t a bill or an advertisement is such a joy that I don’t care what’s in it or on it. I just appreciate the thought.

I was shopping the other day and came across the Christmas Card display. I browsed through them, smiling over Santas and Snowmen and Reindeer. My heart warmed at the Nativities and The Wisemen and Angels. My fingers and hands were sparkling with glitter when I chose a small box and took it to the register. When Mr. Fixit got home from Florida, I showed him my prize. He smiled and took my hand and gave it a squeeze. “I’ll get my address book.” he said. I smiled back and said, “I’ll get mine.”

Next, we’ll make one that is “ours”. ❤️

“You yourselves are our letter of recommendation, written on our hearts, to be known and read by all. And you show that you are a letter from Christ delivered by us, written not with ink but with the Spirit of the living God, not on tablets of stone but on tablets of human hearts.” ‭‭2 Corinthians‬ ‭3:2-3‬ ‭ESV‬‬

He Loves Me...”Like That”

Tue, 05 Dec 2017 02:30:03 -0600

It was December 4th, 2013. It had been 267 days since the love of my life died right in front of me. It was 267 largely sleepless nights. I had made myself put one foot in front of the other…day after miserable, lonely day…for 2-6-7 long $&@#%€* days. I was tired. I was broken. But I was trying.

On this day, I went to work. It was normally an hour commute each way, but on this particular day, the skies opened up and snow started falling at an alarming rate. The further west I drove heading home, the deeper the snow became. When I finally pulled up in front of my house, there was nearly 18” of heavy, wet snow in my driveway. I slogged up the drive and got my snow shovel out. You know…the one with MY name on it…not Mr. Virgo’s. He was gone. Two-hundred-sixty-seven days of…gone.

I shoveled for what seemed like hours. I was numb…physically and emotionally. I could hardly make a dent in the snow removal. I barely got my car in off the street when I gave up and went inside. I marched straight to our…MY…bedroom. I stood in front of the picture of Mr. Virgo and yelled at him. I screamed. I cried. I ranted and raved. He had a lot of nerve leaving me like this…with this house and this mess and this…LIFE! I didn’t ask for this. I didn’t want this. I was just so $&@# tired. I didn’t care if I lived or died, to be perfectly honest.

That was a particularly dark and dreadful season in my life. There were a lot of people who helped me through that. I had support from those who loved me and from complete strangers in several widow’s support groups on Facebook. I’m only active in a couple of them now. I see myself there now as a symbol of hope, having survived the worst of it.

The other day, one of the women in the group said “No one will ever love me like that again”. I couldn’t let her go on thinking that…believing that. I know early on…I couldn’t imagine loving again. If for no other reason than I was sure another loss like that would surely kill me. Then time passed, wounds scarred over, and color started to filter back into my life. I started to think…maybe I COULD do this again. I prayed a lot about it and asked God to place a worthy man right in front of me. And…He did.

I wanted this woman to know…your heart can beat again. You can open it up. You can give and receive love. It’s been almost five years since my world fell apart. And, while this man is so different than my late husband, he loves me “like that”. I feel the same joy true love brings. I feel the same hope, warmth, trust. This one is far more passionate…partially because I’m acutely aware of what I lost and I find this so precious. Which brings me to the biggest difference. Fear. When my husband was alive and I used to have the fleeting thought…”What if he died?” I had absolutely zero understanding of what devastation that loss would bring. Now, I know exactly what that loss brought to me. I still don’t know what losing this man would be like, but I have a $&@# good idea. I try to keep the wolves at bay and live in the moment, but they’re always howling in the woods somewhere.

God did not create in us a spirit of fear but a spirit of power and love and self-control. 2 Timothy 1:7 is one of my go-to verses when I’m feeling weak and out of control. Mr. FixIt is having some reconstruction surgery on his hand Thursday. Even though I worked most of my career in medicine and was married to a physician for two decades, since losing Mr. Virgo, I don’t handle medical situations very well…especially when it involves someone I love. I read 2 Timothy, and asked a friend to come join me at the hospital for coffee and a chance to catch up. I know it’s not a huge invasive surgery, but I know things can happen. This man loves me…”like that”. I will do my very best to support him in whatever comes our way because…I love him “like that”, too. ❤️

“for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.” ‭‭2 Timothy‬ ‭1:7‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Making Progress

Mon, 04 Dec 2017 02:30:04 -0600

Mr. FixIt came home yesterday! happy dance Doggone it…we really miss each other when we are apart. I always say, “But, I still need my space. I have to have time to recharge!” And I do. About four days and I’m good. After that, I’m ready to see that happy smile on Mr. FixIt’s face. It is a good thing to miss your love when you’re apart. It means you’ve got it goin’ on, right?

I worked like a little bee while he was gone. I did some rearranging and cleaning and decorating and nested like a woman about to deliver. (Thank God THAT’S not happening anymore!) I didn’t want to post pictures while he was gone because he reads my posts every day (didn’t I say he was sweet?) and I didn’t want to ruin the surprise when he walked in the door. I have to say, the look on his face was worth all the work. I literally finished minutes before he pulled into the drive!

Really, the only room we’ve done any work on has been the family room. Some paint, a new desk and chair, editing what was in there, and adding some of my special things, and it’s a whole new room for very little outlay. There’s more to do, but it’s really lovely now and it reflects US! This picture is the corner where I set up my desk and chair. I love how the desk closes up, hiding any “office clutter”. The raven on the top is an old orchard decoy I bought thirty years ago. The heron lamp belongs to Mr. FixIt. The quilt was a wedding gift to Mr. Virgo and me from a friend. It hung in the breakfast nook at my home in Colorado. The sign on the top says “Once in awhile, in an ordinary life, love gives us a fairytale.” I bought that to put in my camper as a remembrance of the love I had with Mr. Virgo. And now, it’s doing double duty because I get to live another fairytale!

I’ll share bits and pieces of my decorating as we go along but I have to maintain Mr. FixIt’s privacy as well. Bless his heart, he signed on for a heck of a ride when he asked me out for lunch a year or so ago. He’s never said a word about showing up in my posts, but I want to respect his boundaries at the same time.

The house is decorated for Christmas and this week is jam-packed busy with appointments. I hope you are enjoying your early holiday preparations. If you are experiencing your first (or second, or tenth….doesn’t matter) holiday without your loved one and you’re really missing your person, I hope you are practicing good self care. Reach out here if you need extra support. There are a lot of us here who have been through similar losses and we’re here to help as we can. ❤️

“…I found the one my heart loves.” ‭‭Song of Songs‬ ‭3:4‬ ‭NIV‬‬

The Rheostat

Sun, 03 Dec 2017 02:30:28 -0600

When Daughter #2 was born, I had the luxury of being a stay-at-home mom. Her sister, and only sibling, turned sixteen and got her driver’s license just a few months after she was born. So, I had a lot of time on my hands to devote to the baby. I knew this would be my last child so I read all the parenting books and nurtured her learning from the get go. As a matter of fact, I placed headphones on my tummy and played Mozart and Beethoven to her in utero. Yes, I was “one of THOSE” moms.

Daughter #2 was precocious. She could READ the alphabet at seventeen months. She knew the names of all her body parts, by their anatomical terms. She spoke complete sentences early. She was a beast! Fierce. Determined. Focused. I had flash cards on the wall by the changing table. We would talk about what it was and what it meant and how you spell it and how you pronounce it.

Because of all this exposure to knowledge, this baby was powerfully curious. She pointed at everything and wanted to know what it was, how it worked, and what you used it for. One afternoon, I caught her staring intently at something from her high chair. I followed her gaze. She was looking at the dimmer switch. Soon she looked at me and asked “Whassat?” It was her FAVORITE question! She asked it hundreds of times a day.

I explained to her that it was a dimmer switch, but the thing that makes it work is called a rheostat. I took her outside and showed her the electric lines coming into the house. I told her about electricity. And I told her how a rheostat slows down or speeds up the waves in the electricity and that changes the light from dim to bright to dim at will. After that, wherever we went, she demanded to know if our host or hostess had a rheostat. My friends rolled their eyes at me. “Would you let her be a kid, for crying out loud?” I should have, probably. My daughter struggled because the other kids just didn’t “get” her. She had trouble relating to kids her own age. She’s turned out fine…it just wasn’t easy for her.

Life can be like a rheostat. We can turn up the frequency and shine light out into the world. Or we can turn it down and sit in the dark. There’s something really cool about the light, though. Darkness cannot overcome the light. Only light can overcome darkness. Keep shining your light out into the world. Keep the darkness at bay. Constantly tell the enemy he is not welcome here. Show him your light. Tell him Who you get that light from. Send him packing. Remember your rheostat when you feel down…and turn it up! ❤️

“When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.”” ‭‭John‬ ‭8:12‬ ‭NIV‬‬

MORE Christmas Memories

Sat, 02 Dec 2017 02:30:56 -0600

I have been on such a nostalgia kick lately! Here’s one I know you all will remember and you probably had (still have!) one of these bad boys. My mom had one that she made in a ceramics class. As a matter of fact, I think I might have made one somewhere along the way. I seem to remember painting on the glaze that puffed up like snow and gluing the little ornaments in the holes. Wow…that’s like opening the top of your head and reaching WAY back in the memory banks!

Mom got to the point where this was the extent of her holiday decorating. When Christmas was over, she dusted off the “tree”, put a dry cleaning bag over it, and took it back upstairs to the attic till the next year. I found it up there after she died. It’s one of the things I saved when I cleared out her house. And, unfortunately, it’s one of the only things that broke during one of my many moves over the years. It made me so sad.

I was rummaging around in the upstairs of the cellar house the other day and ran across one of these in a box up there. I need to get it out and set it up on the dining room table. My aunt used to put it out when she lived there.

I was wandering around the mall yesterday and was thinking of more things we used to get at Christmas. Remember those round bath oil beads? They were jewel-toned, came in about four or five scents, and often were in a tube with a plastic crook on the end to look like a candy cane. You put on in your bath and the hot water would melt the gelatin bead and the oil would come out into the water. Only, who could resist picking it up and playing with it till it completely dissolved???

How about the Easy Bake Oven??? OMGosh! Do you remember how horrible that stuff tasted??? Yet, we ate it! There was Chatty Cathy, Betsy Wetsy, Tiny Tears. I always wanted one but never got one. I did get the bride doll that was as tall as me! And I had a Barbie. My Aunt Marge once traded eggs for a Barbie Doll dress that the neighbor made. I knew that was a big deal for her to do that and I took extra special care of that dress.

How about the socks with the toes in them? Or games like Operation or Chutes and Ladders or Candyland. I remember getting a set of Old Maid cards once.

One year, money must have been really tight. Mom ordered our Christmas presents from a catalog and they didn’t come in time for Christmas. So on Christmas morning, mom gave us each an envelope with the pictures of what we were going to get when the box arrived. But then, when the box did come, Dad found out Mom had charged the items so he made her send them all back. We were so disappointed and to this day, it makes my heart ache for her. She had to have felt horrible that we didn’t get a Christmas.

We moved into the house we grew up in over Christmas break when I was in second grade. The house and furnishings were our Christmas that year. I remember my Grandmother bought me a bedroom set. It was grey, very modern. It had a twin bed and a dresser that had a drop Front that turned into a desk. Grandmother made curtains out of pink fabric with grey poodles on them. There was an old TV console in my bedroom and for some reason, she made a cover for that as well. I even had a black metal trash can with a poodle on it! My brothers room was decorated with a Cincinnati Reds theme. That was a grand Christmas!

I remember when I got old enough to babysit, I would go downtown to Kresge’s and buy Mom a little bottle of Evening in Paris perfume or a chiffon scarf. She always acted as though that was the finest gift a mother could have wished for and it made me so proud. I loved wrapping the presents. As a matter of fact…when we got old enough, she would put our gifts in boxes and I’d wrap my own presents! I wrapped everyone’s presents. It took all day on a Saturday. I’d sit on the floor in front of the TV and use up all the bows and the stickers and the gift tags and have a big time. Then I’d pile everything under the tree. We didn’t have a lot. But we had enough. ❤️

““Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you.” ‭‭Exodus‬ ‭20:12‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Johnny and Punkin Spice

Fri, 01 Dec 2017 02:30:37 -0600

I have this friend. She’s one of those wonderful shining stars that God places on this earth to be a guardian of animals. I am convinced she is an “angel unawares”. I met Aimee through a high school friend. They were talking at a conference once and Aimee told her about this great group of women campers she belonged to called…Sisters on the Fly. Diane couldn’t wait to hook us up. And I am so glad she did. I don’t get to spend nearly enough time with Aimee. As a matter of fact, I believe we have only seen each other in person two or three times. But it’s always “old home week” when we greet each other like long lost friends.

Not only are Aimee and I “Sisters”…we are also fellow West Virginians. And darned proud of it, I might say. Aimee works for the state and created the COOLEST soil trailer. It’s a cargo trailer that she converted on the inside to give you a “worm’s eye view” of what it looks like in the ground. So, she’s an animal activist, she hauls a soil trailer all over the state to teach kids about the earth, she’s a Sister on the Fly, and a farmer, and she creates beautiful art pieces that she sells at some of the big decorator barn sales. On top of that, she’s beautiful, funny, and I just love her to pieces. Because she saved Johnny’s life.

Johnny was a rescue. Terribly ill, he was essentially a lost cause. The vet didn’t think he could possibly live. But Aimee found out about him (I think she’s on speed dial at the animal rescue) and scooped him up. She sat up with Johnny for days, snuggling him in blankets, taking him in for infusions and tests practically every day. He kept getting sicker and sicker. He was a rescue…but he had wriggled into her heart and she couldn’t give up on him. One night, they made a desperate trip to see the vets at the university in Columbus. It took a while, but they finally diagnosed Johnny with a rare disease that affects his joints. If they could just get him through, things would get better for him and he would live a pretty normal life. But there were no guarantees. They pleaded and prayed and now…look at him! He’s so beautiful. All of us fell madly in love with him and Aimee is great at recording his life for his fan base.

This fall, Aimee was driving down the street in her truck when she saw something very tiny in the road. It was a kitten! And there was a man in a truck alongside the road. The kitten was trying desperately to get in the truck but the man just sat and stared at it. Without thinking, Aimee jumped out, stopped traffic, scooped up the kitten, and ran back across the busy highway. She yelled at the man. “Didn’t you see that kitten?” He just shrugged. “I don’t know anything about that.” Oh, he knew alright! He had more than likely dumped that baby right before Aimee drove by. God puts angels right where he needs them, doesn’t He?

This little kitten went to work with Aimee every day as she fostered it. She socialized her and made sure she had all her shots and took extra special care of her in hopes she would forget all about the bad man in the truck. What sent us over the moon was how much Johnny loved his kitty. HIS kitty. Oh…how Johnny LOVES kitties! He would cry and cry until Aimee gave him the kitten. Then she had to sit with him and tell him over and over…”Easy, Johnny. You have to be gentle. Easy. Easy.” Johnny knew, the only way he could have his baby was if he laid down very still…then Aimee would place this tiny little fur ball under this big boxer boy. He laid so still…but his tail pounded the bed like a drum.

Eventually, the kitty found her way to a forever home with a boy to play with. We were all SO worried about Johnny. How would he handle losing his baby? Aimee posted pictures of Johnny with his other kitties. His mommy knows when she has reached the number of animals she can responsibly care for. She did the right thing. And she knows Johnny better than any of us. She knew he would be fine. It’s as if Johnny knew he was only a temporary caregiver for this little baby.

We can learn so much from Johnny. Patience, kindness, caring…unconditional love. He doesn’t care that the kitten isn’t like him. All he knows is…here is someone who needs love and he has love to give.

You never know what kind of stray Aimee will attract next. Right now she is fostering a dog with cancer who is legitimately psychotic. They are trying to figure out how to help her. If anyone can, it’s our divine farm girl…the Dirt Queen. Thank you, Aimee…for having such a huge heart. You are so loved and there are many stars in your crown. ❤️

““But ask the animals, and they will teach you, or the birds in the sky, and they will tell you; or speak to the earth, and it will teach you, or let the fish in the sea inform you. Which of all these does not know that the hand of the Lord has done this? In his hand is the life of every creature and the breath of all mankind. Does not the ear test words as the tongue tastes food? Is not wisdom found among the aged? Does not long life bring understanding?” ‭‭Job‬ ‭12:7-12‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Throwback Thursday

Thu, 30 Nov 2017 02:30:46 -0600

I don’t know about you, but I’m scared of all this threatening talk between the US and North Korea. I need memories of my childhood to focus on so I can sleep at night. So here goes…

I love, love, LOVE Pinterest! Think of anything….some obscure thing from your childhood…and you can just about guarantee someone has posted a picture of it. Like…Glass Wax Window Stencils! I remember the can, the color, the smell, how it felt when it dried on your fingers. I could hardly wait for Christmas so we could get a new set.

And spray snow in a can…remember that? Oh, that stuff was wicked awful. Who knows what kind of chemicals were in that stuff? We would spray it around the bottom of the windows to look like drifted snow. And I would spray it on a mirror that mom set on a table then I’d set up ice skaters and make it look like they were skating on a pond.

Ribbon candy? And those straw-like candies that were crunchy on the outside and had some sort of chocolate on the inside. And Christmas morning we would have an orange in our stocking. Or better yet, a couple of tangerines. And a candy cane. And a handful of nuts, in their shells. And a Lifesaver Storybook! We didn’t have much money when I was growing up, but we had enough for a stocking and a couple of toys. I remember the year I was ten…I got a bike! Somewhere there’s a picture of me in my baby doll pajamas, my finger over my lips and my eyes open wide as I caught sight of it! It was blue. One speed. I think the metal label said JC Higgins on it.

There were a lot of Christmas memories that I used to drag around like a load of bricks…usually surrounding my dad and alcohol. But now? Since I lost Mr. Virgo, I’ve decided to rewrite history and just remember the good parts. There was almost always a doll. A game that my brother and I had to share. Clothes. (Insert eye roll here) I begged Mom to wrap every single thing so it felt like I got more stuff. (See? I learned early about accumulating “stuff”!)

The paper was thin and printed with what are now vintage Santas or Rudolph or stripes or metallic foils. There was flat satin ribbon when we were a little more flush. Usually it was curling ribbon and a bag of cheap bows. And gift tags! There were little gift tags made out of card stock with “Season’s Greetings” and “Silent Night” printed in glitter with a space for “To:” and “From:”.

Christmas has always been my favorite holiday. Christmas and my birthday. Some of my very best memories totally surround those two days. What are some of your best Christmas memories? Did you go caroling and sledding? Did the neighbors invite you in for hot cocoa with a big melty marshmallow in it? Did you build snowmen and forts for epic snowball fights? Let’s share some warm fuzzies and forget about the scary stuff for a little while. ❤️

“Therefore, whoever takes the lowly position of this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. And whoever welcomes one such child in my name welcomes me.” ‭‭Matthew‬ ‭18:4-5‬ ‭NIV‬‬

The Shift

Wed, 29 Nov 2017 02:30:12 -0600

The earth shifted yesterday. Did you feel it? I did. Mr. FixIt is about halfway through his guy getaway to Florida with his buddy and I’ve been staying at his house…feeding cats, cleaning, decorating, rearranging. It’s been great fun.

For those of you who have been following from the beginning, I downsized and got rid of ninety-five percent of my personal belongings when I sold my house in 2014. I brought those things to West Virginia that I could not part with. A friend has been so kind as to let me store them in his basement all this time. I went over a couple of weeks ago and brought a whole truckload over to Mr. FixIt’s house. The Christmas decorations were all put out so yesterday, I got into the boxes of decorator items. A pink Fenton hurricane lamp, an antique cast iron rabbit doorstop, some quilts, my raven decoy, a sign that says “Kindness Matters”…these found themselves mingled with Mr. FixIt’s memories. Looking at the finished project, they could have all been purchased together for just the same house

I went back into the storage room and lugged the heaviest box to the kitchen. This is where I felt the shift. Do you sense what’s happening here? I’m nesting. The lines of “yours” and “mine” are blurring. Nowhere did I feel this as much as when I opened that heavy box. It was filled with china. Precious cargo that has been carted from one side of the country to the other…never seeing the light of day.

One winter day, what seems like a lifetime ago, Mr. Virgo and I were shopping for a tablecloth. When I caught up with him, he was standing in front of a display of china. He was studying something intently so I followed his gaze. When I saw what he was looking at, I gasped out loud. Royal Doulton’s “Tennyson”. I’ve never seen anything so beautiful. And, six months later, I got eight place settings for my birthday. I sat down and cried like a little girl. I’d never had anything so…fine.

Those dishes were packed away in 2014 when I sold my house. Yesterday…I carefully unwrapped each one, inspecting them for chips or cracks. They were perfect. I carefully hand washed and dried each piece and set them out on the dining room table in Mr. FixIt’s house. I thought about how far I have come in the nearly five years since Mr. Virgo died.

Mr. FixIt and I still have an unconventional relationship. He has his place, I am taking care of the family farm. We stay a little here, a little there. We travel, and we stay apart a little. It works for now.

I am so blessed that Mr. FixIt gets me. He’s an angel…tolerant of many things. And he’s thrilled to spend whatever time he can with me. The feelings are mutual. ❤️

“Unless the Lord builds the house, the builders labor in vain…” ‭‭Psalm‬ ‭127:1‬ ‭NIV‬‬

The Stick Tree

Tue, 28 Nov 2017 02:30:45 -0600

You’ve all seen that spindly little Christmas tree Charlie Brown had, right? Basically a stick with some twigs branching off. As far back as I can remember, that was the tree out at the farm. My Uncle Bob was a simple man. When he was told to go cut down a pine tree for Christmas, he did just that. And being a practical man, he brought back one that was easy to carry and would not take long to decorate. He was the smartest of the bunch, turns out.

Grandma didn’t have a lot of ornaments. I remember some of those made by Shiny Bright. There was a very old hand blown Santa that my fat baby fingers accidentally broke one year. sigh And, there was an angel that went on the top of the tree. Her dress was made of vinyl with a net skirt over it. Her upper torso, arms, and head were like a doll made of hard plastic. Her hair was spun glass. And her wings were silver pressed cardboard. Somehow, I managed to acquire that angel. I suppose because I’m the oldest grand daughter and got married first, I don’t know. But that angel has been with me forever. She is too fragile to put on top of a tree…I’m afraid the cardboard tube that slips over a branch might break. So, she gets tucked in a place of prominence on the front of the tree…up high enough to avoid any encounters with two or four-legged children.

We always had a big, fat tree at home that my dad bought at a lot. I remember the excitement of driving around looking at Christmas lights then stopping at the lot to pick out our tree. I wore a woolen coat buttoned up to my neck, someone’s hand-me-down, I’m sure. I had a blue velvet hat that tied under my chin with blue satin ties. And, hanging on one side we’re two white balls made of real rabbit fur. I remember shaking my head back and forth to feel them bounce around. I wore that hat till it literally disintegrated. I wore rubber boots that fit over my shoes and buckles with an elastic string over a button.

Dad would walk us up and down the aisles to choose the perfect tree…i.e. the cheapest without too many holes in it. Once the price was negotiated, an attendant would help Dad carry the tree to the Oldsmobile and strap it to the top with sisal rope. Once we got it home, there was trimming to be done before we could take it in the house. We had strings of lights with big reflectors that went on before screwing the big bulb in. This was a safety feature that kept the needles from touching the hot bulb and catching fire. And many of the ornaments hanging on my tree that I so carefully preserve were placed on those big, fat trees at the house on 55th Street.

I remember feeling so sorry for Grandma and her skinny little Charlie Brown tree. Now I look back and appreciate the simplicity with a fervor. I use an artificial tree now. The first one I’ve had since Mr. Virgo died. I opted for a slender one. I thought I’d be putting it in front of the window at the farm. Instead, it’s over here at Mr. FixIt’s. I never would have dreamed. This is the fifth Christmas without Mr. Virgo. To have found this new love and new joy and renewed zest for life is something I am profoundly grateful for.

It’s the simple things I crave now. Things held by loved ones long gone. Gentle, loving companionship. Soft music. A warm fire. Good food. And a loving God that made all this possible for me. I am richly blessed. ❤️

“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” ‭‭Romans‬ ‭15:13‬ ‭NIV‬‬

The Ghosts of Christmas Past

Mon, 27 Nov 2017 02:30:52 -0600

I think this is my all-time favorite Christmas ornament. It’s been in my family as long as I can remember. I have a dozen or so of the smaller ones of the same era but this is the only big one that survived. I can still remember the box it came in. I am always extremely careful with all my ornaments when I store them, but this one especially so. It is so fragile and the paint has been flaking away for years.

There are so many ornaments on this tree that have a story. Baby’s First Christmas. The angel topper from Grandma’s tree. Hand blown glass Santas. A sterling silver tree that was a gift to Mr. Virgo from The Ritz Carlton in 2011. An Old World Santa with the tip of his Christmas tree broken off that Mr. Virgo rescued from the trash at the Hotel Jerome in Aspen. Dozens of coveted hand made ornaments gathered from my friend Judy’s famous Christmas Ornament Exchange Parties. And, the seven Ne’Qua ornaments Mr. Virgo and I bought together on our trips…one for every Christmas we shared.

Christmas has always been my favorite holiday. I found an e-mail the other day where Mr. Virgo had asked me to get our Christmas decorations and stage them in the living room so we could put up our tree that weekend. We always put on White Christmas and decorated the tree together. The first Christmas after he died, I followed the tradition. I did fine until I got up the next morning and saw what I had done. I can’t tell you how close I came to taking the whole thing down and putting it away. I cried for days. It was brutal. The next Christmas was spent in my friend’s apartment, sitting in the dark, staring out the window as the snow slowly drifted down through the circles of light around the old fashioned street lamps of Marietta, Ohio. It was still brutal.

The next two Christmases were spent with my Colorado family. That was much better. We decorated the tree together and baked a million cookies. It was fun.

Each holiday season is a little easier. Last year, even though we weren’t together, Mr. FixIt and I had started dating and had fallen in love. Holidays were again filled with light and love and joy. Mr. Virgo was still there with us in spirit but the sadness of his absence had abated somewhat. This year, Mr. FixIt and I did the majority of the tree trimming before he left for Florida. I finished up last night. I’m actually glad I had those few hours decorating alone. I turned on Christmas carols. (I can’t figure out how to turn on Mr. FixIt’s DVD player. ?) I held each special ornament in my hands and thought of the person who made it, or where I got it, or who was there when it was used year after year. The Ghosts of Christmas Past paraded through the room and through my mind and heart as I smiled through the tears that stung the back of my eyes as Tony Bennett crooned The Christmas Song.

This is a new life…a different life. Another chance at love. Another gift of making memories. My heart is full to overflowing with the beauty of it all. God has been so good to me…us. ❤️

“A cheerful heart is good medicine…” ‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭17:22‬ ‭NIV‬‬

O Christmas Tree

Sun, 26 Nov 2017 02:30:10 -0600

Last Christmas, Mr. FixIt and I had just been dating a few weeks and December found us traveling in opposite directions. He went to Florida with his buddy and a few days later, I went to Colorado for a month with my kids. That’s the longest we’ve been apart since our first date and we neither one liked it. That’s when I figured things were pretty serious between us.

Right around Christmas, I was talking to him on the phone, lamenting that I didn’t get to put up a tree and have a Country Christmas at the farm. When I pulled in the driveway upon my return, I stopped in my tracks. While I was gone, this sweet man had decorated the farmhouse for me to come home to. Not only that, but he was standing there in his grey wool trousers, black dress shoes, a white shirt, and a red sweater vest. He looked so sharp and my heart nearly exploded! What a sweet and generous thing for him to do. He also bought me an indoor lighted Christmas tree, but we didn’t put it up because it was almost New Year’s when I got back from my trip. So, this is the first year we have a tree together.

Someone mentioned they wanted to see a picture and someone else wanted to know about the mechanical angel, so I decided to post a video for you this morning. I still have ornaments to put on but didn’t get home till late last night so I’ll decorate more today.

I went to the funeral yesterday. As it turns out, Sis wasn’t just my grandma’s friend and neighbor. We were related…through marriage. I’ve told you before, you can’t throw a stick up this holler without hitting someone I’m related to. I got to see several cousins and met Sis’s son. He’s been my Facebook friend for ages. It’s such a small, small world.

I am so relieved that I can attend a funeral service now without wigging out. My friend’s son was killed in an accident a year or so ago. Another friend took one look at me during the visitation and said, “Let’s go.” She got me out in the air and my heart started beating again. You certainly don’t LIKE going to funerals, but you have to be able to express condolences without flipping out and it took me a while to get there. For the longest time, I seriously felt like I was just one crisis away from losing it altogether. That “one crisis theory” hung over my head like Damocles’ sword which increased my anxiety exponentially. Full blown grief is about as close to flat out crazy as you can get. I didn’t know if “I” would ever come back. Thank God I did. I couldn’t live like that forever.

My sweetie is gone for his annual Florida guy’s trip so I’m spending the week catching up with “back burner” things…stuff I put off because it’s much more fun to go play with my bestest buddy. I need to be pretty productive this week! ❤️

“Remember this: Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows generously will also reap generously.” ‭‭2 Corinthians‬ ‭9:6‬ ‭NIV‬‬

It’s Small Business Saturday

Sat, 25 Nov 2017 02:30:30 -0600

I avoid Black Friday like the plague. There is nothing in this whole wide world I…or anyone I know…need bad enough to risk life and limb for. I know there are great deals. I know the color glossies and TV commercials have been pumping everyone with the next great thing they can’t live without. I’m fortunate in that my kids were raised Jewish. They got a little present every night, then one big one on the last night of Hanukkah. They also had Santa but there was only one really extravagant year that I can remember. My kids and grandkids are frugal. They would much rather have money and go shopping at the after Christmas sales. More bang for their buck!

I have everything I need. I buy myself a plane ticket every year and go see my Colorado family. I don’t want anything I have to take care of or dust. This year, Mr. FixIt and I have decided instead of getting each other presents for Christmas, we’re going to carpet the family room. We’ll get much more enjoyment out of that than any appliance or sweater. And, it’s the gift that keeps on giving! I encourage you to shop small, hometown, mom & pop businesses this year. Big box stores may have better deals on cheaper goods…but they don’t have the vested interest in you personally that a small business owner has. I’ve owned my own business before…I know. This month makes or breaks a small business. Do your best to keep your money local.

I have a funeral to go to today. Sis Strickling passed away. That’s not her first name, nor is this her last name…my family always just called her Sis “Stricklin’”. She was born and raised on the country road a couple miles from the farm. Always sweet and with a smile on her face, my favorite memories of her were at the little one room church house where Grandma went. Sometimes she would come over to the farm for a visit while I was there. She kept her house neat and tidy. After her husband passed away, she went to Ohio to be with her kids. Her memory went at the end and I know it was so hard for her family. I praise God that he gives us an eternal home with no pain, no tears, and no illness. I know her husband and loved ones who went before her met her with open arms.

It took the longest time for me to be able to go to a funeral after Mr. Virgo died. I wasn’t sure I would ever go to another one, but surprisingly…it’s BECAUSE he died that I can go easily now. If I begin to get anxious, I remind myself I am doing this for the loved ones. This has nothing to do with me…it’s all about them. I was so touched by everyone who came to my husband’s funeral. Their presence meant more to me than they will ever know. I remember so few individuals, but I do remember a sea of faces and that equates to a boatload of love. That love helped me through, so that’s why I go to funerals now.

Mr. FixIt and I put up the Christmas tree last night. It’s our first one together. Blending traditions gave us ample opportunities to discuss and compromise. He wanted the tree in the dining room where you could see it from the road. I wanted it in the family room where WE could see it. We compromised by moving furniture around so we could put the tree in front of the picture window in the family room. This way we can see it from the side road coming in AND while we’re sitting in the family room. I’ll put lights in the dining room window so he can see it from the big road. Even through the top branches of the tree were pretty tippy, the mechanical angel HAD to go on top. I managed to wedge the branches around enough to support her and she is beautiful. Melding…it’s what you do when you keep adding to your family. At this point, if we got everyone I’m related to through marriages together, that would be one huge family portrait. I am so, so blessed to add so many branches to my family tree. ❤️

“May the Lord our God be with us as he was with our ancestors; may he never leave us nor forsake us.” ‭‭1 Kings‬ ‭8:57‬ ‭NIV‬‬

And So...It Begins

Fri, 24 Nov 2017 02:30:07 -0600

The other day I found myself with a little time on my hands and stopped at the Blennerhassett Hotel for a Starbucks. The Easter Seal Parade of Trees was on display so I took my coffee and wandered among the holiday decorations, getting inspiration. There were some stunning trees this year. The trees are decorated by volunteers, sponsored by local businesses, and auctioned off to the highest bidder. It’s a wonderful fund raiser for the Easter Seal Society and helps provided needed services for area physically and developmentally disabled children.

I grew up going to the Easter Seal Treatment Center. My big brother was born with cerebral palsy and went to therapy every week. He had physical, occupational, and speech therapy for as long as I can remember. One of my earliest memories was a play table with little doors. You went in and the door shut after you. It was designed to allow children with disabilities to stand up for a period of time. There were toys and puzzles you could play with on the table in front of you, but what really stuck with me was the milk and cookies we got at snack time. Even though I had no need of these services, I was allowed to attend many of the sessions because I totally understood my brother’s speech when others found it difficult.

Mom learned to drive when my brother was first starting therapy so she didn’t have to rely on my dad to get us to school and therapy at the end of the day. I’ll never forget my mom’s friend Elaine trying to teach her to drive. I sat in the back as mom drove around and around City Park. At one point, we ran up an embankment and nearly hit a tree. Mom put her head down on the steering wheel and cried. She kept saying, “I can’t. I can’t do it!” And Elaine would pat her arm and say, “Wanda…you have these kids to take care of. Of course you can do this. Now, let’s try again.”

Elaine was a saint. And…so was my mom. I look back now at what her life was like and I’m in awe of her. I wasn’t always a supportive child and I sure wish she was here now to receive this new appreciation I feel for her.

Christmas is such a special time of year. I love bringing beauty and light into the long, dark nights of winter. We came back last night from our Thanksgiving visit with my family and will work today to get some decorating done before Mr. FixIt leaves for Florida on Saturday. This will be our second Christmas together…my fifth without Mr. Virgo. Bittersweet becomes more and more sweet with time.

I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving! I ate a lot, loved on my family, and took a nap!!! ❤️

“You’ll take afternoon naps without a worry, you’ll enjoy a good night’s sleep.” ‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭3:24 ‭MSG‬‬

With Gratitude

Thu, 23 Nov 2017 10:36:49 -0600

It’s deer season in West Virginia and I bagged my first deer yesterday. Unfortunately, it was with Mr. FixIt’s 2007 Tundra. There was no stopping and I did exactly what I was supposed to do. I didn’t swerve. I held steady. Fortunately, there’s not much damage to the truck but we will have to replace the bumper. I’ve never hit a deer before. One fell down in front of me once but I drove right over it and it jumped up and ran away. I am grateful we weren’t injured and the damage was minimal.

The other night, Mr. FixIt and I were having dinner and talking about Old Mama Kitty being gone. He stopped with his fork halfway to his mouth and asked, “You don’t suppose she wandered into the cellar house when you were in there last week and got trapped, do you?” OMGosh! The look on my face must have been pure horror. He looked at me with such compassion and said, “Don’t worry…we’ll go right back out there and check.” We drove the twenty-two miles and I ran up to the building and checked but she wasn’t there. Im sad she is gone but I’m grateful I didn’t accidentally trap her and keep her from food and water.

We visited my mom’s sister and brother and his wife yesterday. My aunts are having memory issues and my uncle is caring for them. So far they’re holding their own. Actually, the aunt whose dementia is really bad was having a pretty good day. She recognized me and told me she had been worried about me. She put her arm around my neck and pulled me close. She told me she loved me. She waved goodbye with a smile. I am grateful to have made that connection with my aunt.

My uncle regaled us with funny stories all evening…one of which I thought to record. He told the story about the day they rolled the old farmhouse I’m living in down onto the new basement they built. We all laughed. I am grateful for this man’s strength, courage, and sense of humor. Most of all, I’m grateful for his heart…it is full of love!

I am grateful for my Colorado family. They are healthy and happy and enjoying their lives. My brother is doing well. I’ve more than doubled my family since bringing Mr. FixIt into my life. More people to love!

I am grateful to all of you for making a little space in your lives for my words. You all bless me every day. Thank you for indulging me in my stories. May you all be richly blessed.

Happy Thanksgiving! ❤️

“Make a joyful noise to the Lord, all the earth! Serve the Lord with gladness! Come into his presence with singing! Know that the Lord, he is God! It is he who made us, and we are his; we are his people, and the sheep of his pasture. Enter his gates with thanksgiving, and his courts with praise! Give thanks to him; bless his name! For the Lord is good; his steadfast love endures forever, and his faithfulness to all generations.” ‭‭Psalms‬ ‭100:1-5‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Little Lies

Wed, 22 Nov 2017 02:30:25 -0600

Is there such a thing as a “little white lie”? I mean, isn’t a lie…a lie? Big or small, untruths between couples erode trust in a relationship. If you have a need to outright lie to your spouse, you might not be with the right person. And what about the sin of omission? Ok, I’ve been guilty of “rounding down a little” when reporting how much I spent on that little black dress I had to have or trying to maintain a secret surrounding a gift. And, if I’m going to be honest here, there have been times in my life when I have not been truthful in a relationship and I’m not married to that person anymore. Which brings up that point again…if you have a need to outright lie to your spouse, you might not be with the right person. I wasn’t way back when. Enough said.

I was thrilled when Mr. Virgo came along. He was a great communicator, which was quite refreshing for me. We told each other everything. We told each other stories. I loved his stories. He worked in 5-Star resorts, hotels, and restaurants around the world. He met fascinating people…celebrities, politicians, dignitaries, kings and queens. His stories were enthralling and he loved telling them as much as I loved hearing them.

Several weeks after Mr. Virgo died, I was going through his personal papers in his dresser and came upon things that shook me up. Things I didn’t know. Things I felt were out of character for the man I knew and loved. Oh, it wasn’t anything like a second family in another state or something of a criminal nature. It was credit cards I didn’t know about. A relationship he had had before me that he never told me about. A business he had lost that had debt I was unaware of. Little things, but little things add up to big things.

I didn’t know how to feel. I felt a little betrayed. I felt a little disappointed. I felt a little angry. It added to the sadness and devastation I was already feeling at his loss. I carried that around for a long time and never told anyone because I didn’t want to besmirch Mr. Virgo’s good name. And you know what happens when you hold things in…they rot and swell and become that abscess you need lanced or your soul will explode.

I’m sure I’m not the only person who went through this. But I’ve never really talked much about it till the other day I met someone going through the same thing I went through and I knew there was a post in there. I knew somewhere out there, there is at least one person who needs to hear how I handled that, so here we are.

When I first stumbled across information that I had not known when Mr. Virgo was alive, I was confused. I wasn’t sure exactly what I was looking at. Grief brain addles your mind anyway. Add conflicting information and I was stumped. I wrote things down, made notes, compared conversations till I had a pretty good idea what I was looking at. Then I started the process of reconciling that information and asked myself a number of questions.

Does this new information change how you KNOW you feel about him…how you’ve felt about him since the beginning?

For me, the answer was a resounding “No!”

Did he love me? “Yes…more than life itself!”

Why did he not tell me? “He didn’t want to…for whatever reason…and that was his choice to make.”

If I would have known this information before I married him, would I have gone through with the wedding? “Oh, h*** yeah!”

Mr. Virgo is still the same man I knew and loved and grieve for. The only thing that has changed is thought. Yes, there was some debt to contend with that I wasn’t expecting. That is what life insurance policies are for…debt, funeral expenses, and living expenses till you can stand up and breathe again. It wasn’t much, but it helped me get through the messiness. The relationship he had before me that I didn’t know about? Who cares? He married me. The credit cards I didn’t know about? That is still a puzzle, but one I’ve had to let go of. In the grand scheme of things, it doesn’t matter.

Unless it’s something criminal, or there’s a whole secret family you didn’t know about, my advice is…let it go. Obsessing over things never changes the past. It only sullies the present and tarnishes future memories. They make mistakes…they sin…they’re human. Let it go. I prefer to preserve that special relationship I felt before I rummaged around in the bottom drawer of his dresser. It’s better this way. ❤️

“Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a worker who has no need to be ashamed, rightly handling the word of truth.” ‭‭2 Timothy‬ ‭2:15‬ ‭ESV‬‬

My Accidental Love

Tue, 21 Nov 2017 02:30:28 -0600

Old Mama Kitty is gone. I haven’t seen her in six days. She’s always at the back door, right at supper time. There were a couple of times this summer when she was gone for a day or two, but never six. She’s old. I know that. Just this fall, she seemed to be telling me she was tired. She has one leg that trembles sometimes…and not necessarily because of a chill in the air.

Being a farm cat, Mama is tough. She doesn’t take any guff from the younger boy cats. If they get too close to her feeding dish, she has no problem swatting them away…claws and fangs bared. They give her a wide berth on the front porch, arcing around her, well out of kitty reach with sly glances from the corner of their eyes. She has probably been to the vet once in her life and that was when she was spayed. She’s never been sick that I know of. She will act like she wants you to pet her, then she swats you if you linger too long. She’s one tough kitty.

I thought we’d lost her back in 2014 when I first came to the farm. I walked down to the road to get the mail and coming back, there…by the end of the driveway…was a yellow cat that had been hit by a car. I came up to the house to get my work gloves and a shovel. My aunt was still living on the farm at the time. I went to her and told her I was sorry, but Old Mama Kitty was hit by a car and was gone. I went back down and picked up the cat to take it up by the barn to bury it when…I saw the evidence. This was definitely NOT Old Mama Kitty. This was a boy! I wish I would have had the wherewithal to check that out before I told my aunt.

I had only had one cat in my life before coming to the farm. Ginger was yellow with deep gold stripes. I didn’t seem to be allergic to her as a teenager but the older I got, the more indoor cats bothered me. Ginger went to another home when I moved to England after I was married. Mom hadn’t wanted a cat in the first place. She just tolerated her for me.

I’ve always been more of a dog person. Dogs are easy to understand. Feed them. Throw the ball. Scratch the good places. Go for walks. They will worship the ground you walk on. Dogs have owners. Cats have staff. You are extra special if a cat loves you. It means you’ve met the criteria.

The problem with pets is, unless you own a large bird or a turtle, they are going to die before you. And every time a pet dies, they take more of your heart away. I’ve had to put four dogs down in my lifetime. It kills me.

I don’t want to think of Mama Kitty as “gone”. But, this is what happens with farm animals sometimes. They seem to know when it is their time, I think. I feel a little guilty though. I’ve been away a lot the last couple of weeks helping Mr. FixIt clean and paint his house. I was at the farm every day to feed the cats and spend time with them. Then, six days ago, she just wasn’t there. I called and called and called. It’s sad because I really came to love her. She’s been around forever. She was my Uncle Bob’s cat. He died in 2005. It’s like losing a family member. I know there is still a slim chance she could come back, but I really think it’s time to let her go.

Pope John Paul II stated that animals have souls and are important beings in God’s creation. And, since souls can go to heaven, it isn’t a stretch to picture our pets running and jumping on us when we get there. I hope to see all my fur babies when I get there!

I inherited Old Mama Kitty with the farm. She was my accidental love. And…I’ll really miss her. ❤️

“His master said to him, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant. You have been faithful over a little; I will set you over much. Enter into the joy of your master.’” ‭‭Matthew‬ ‭25:23‬ ‭ESV‬‬

You Never Know

Mon, 20 Nov 2017 02:30:47 -0600

You buy a desk…you need a chair, right? And not just any chair. I wanted an old banker’s chair. I found one on Facebook Marketplace. I went to pick it up Saturday. The woman I spoke with over the phone was lovely. I felt comfortable meeting her to pick up the chair.

The house was back away from the road…the quintessential farm house. White with green shutters, a long covered porch. As soon as I drove up to the house, the garage door opened and I was greeted by a middle-aged woman. I’ll call her June. June directed me to the chair and helped bring it out to the truck. We stood in the driveway and chatted for the longest time. This was her parents’ place, she told me. Her dad died in July and her mom is starting the daunting process of downsizing. I told her my heart is with her in her loss…then I told her about Mr. Virgo. Suddenly her eyes lit up and she said, OMGosh! You write a blog! You’re Marshmallow Ranch!

This always slays me when someone knows me. And I always go through a little mental inventory of my behaviors leading up to the moment of recognition. You never know who you might be talking to. I have a certain self-imposed regulation. I want to always put my best foot forward and exemplify good Christian values. It was wonderful to make June’s acquaintance.

The family dinner party was wonderful. The only mishap was forgetting to take the candied yams out of the oven to serve. The company was delightful. I cooked for three days and I was exhausted when I posted this so I’ll catch up more with you tomorrow. ❤️

“She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: “Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.”” ‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭31:27-29‬ ‭NIV

Almost Heaven...Homemade Apple Pies!

Sun, 19 Nov 2017 02:30:46 -0600

One of the happiest places in the world for me is a kitchen. I used to bake competitively and had a huge kitchen back then. My last house had a rather small galley kitchen but I still managed to bake several times a week as Mr. Virgo had a sweet tooth. When I sold that house after his death, I lived much of the next three years in my camper. I don’t know if you have ever tried to bake in a camper oven but they are nothing like a home stove. The bottom of everything burned and I gave up trying to bake anything. There is a big country kitchen at the farm, but I traveled so much this last year, I really didn’t cook all that much. I kind of got out of the baking habit.

We’re having our early Thanksgiving dinner with Mr. FixIt’s family today. I actually started cooking Friday evening. I cooked a bag of cranberries and put them in the fridge in a covered container. I have the sweet potatoes parboiled and in the fridge ready to assemble with butter and brown sugar today. The fresh green beans and ham have been cooked and will just need reheated. Yesterday I fried bacon and added chopped pecans and dried cranberries. I parboiled Brussels sprouts and tossed them with the bacon mixture in my huge electric skillet, then put the whole thing in the fridge. I mixed up two pans of dressing…one sage, the other with nuts and cranberries…sealed them with foil and put them in the fridge as well. Then I made two pumpkin pies and two apple pies.

Today I have to bake a 20-pound turkey and a ham, hot rolls, the two pans of dressing, and the sweet potatoes. I’ll heat everything else up and time it all to be ready at 4:00. The table is set. The ice is made. We are expecting thirteen for dinner. I’ve got this!

The family room is finished. It took three coats of Kilz and two coats of Valspar with primer to cover that dark green but we got it done. I didn’t get curtains made in time for dinner, but that will come soon enough. I sat there enjoying the fruits of our labor, listening to soft music in the background as I wrote this. It was very warm yesterday…nearly 70, but rain came in at dusk and it will continue to get colder as the week progresses.

All but the most stubborn of leaves have fallen now, the color all but gone. I have such vivid memories of going out to the farm for Thanksgiving dinners and having it look just like this. It’s funny how our senses take us back so quickly, isn’t it? The sights, sounds, and smells transport me over six decades and brings me so close to my mom and my grandma. I miss them both so much. And I miss my Colorado family. The grandchildren are growing so fast. I always say this, but I wish Colorado and West Virginia were closer. It’s hard when your heart has two homes. ❤️

“She gets up while it is still night; she provides food for her family and portions for her female servants. She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard. She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks.” ‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭31:15-17‬ ‭NIV

It’s Just a Phase

Fri, 17 Nov 2017 02:30:27 -0600

Mr. FixIt and I graduated from the same high school class. Our classmates started gathering once every two or three months for dinner. We are “of an age” where loss is too real and we want to enjoy each other while we can. Last night was just such a gathering…and it was wonderful. There were forty-two of us…our largest gathering yet outside of an actual class reunion.

Being the social butterfly that I am, I went from table to table to visit so I could speak with everyone, at least for a few minutes. Some of these people I’ve known since first grade. They are all Important to me, whether I’ve known them forever or not. Some of my dearest friends were talking about Mr. FixIt and I. One of them mentioned I’m in a new phase. She wasn’t crazy about my “I downsized so you all should too” phase. lol I don’t blame her…I can beat a subject to death sometimes.

We’re having a dozen or so family members over for an early Thanksgiving Sunday. The family room is nearly finished. Another coat of Kilz on the second door then the trim color can go on. A little touch up here and there, then up comes the tape and drop cloths, a good vacuuming, and move the furniture back then I can start cooking.

Yes, this IS a new phase. Not totally uncharted territory. I’ve been in relationships before. I’ve nested and played house and been Susie Homemaker. This time around is different somehow. It’s more deliberate…easing into it, savoring each moment like a fine French wine or an aged Camembert. Feeling the silky smoothness of love and fun and laughter and even the serious moments. I love this phase. Remember how you wanted to stop your kids at three…at least for a while? Three-year-olds are perfect. They have gained some reasoning skills and they are sweet as sugar. That’s how this feels. I want it to just be like this…forever and always. I’m a realist…and a dreamer. ❤️

“The end of a matter is better than its beginning, and patience is better than pride. Do not be quickly provoked in your spirit, for anger resides in the lap of fools. Do not say, “Why were the old days better than these?” For it is not wise to ask such questions. Wisdom, like an inheritance, is a good thing and benefits those who see the sun.” ‭‭Ecclesiastes‬ ‭7:8-11‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Things That Make Me Smile

Thu, 16 Nov 2017 02:30:12 -0600

I was rummaging around in the basement out at the farm the other day, looking for painting supplies, when I saw the old stove in this great light and had to stop and capture it. I’m not sure why my Grandma did most of her canning down in the basement. I know this past summer the basement was so humid mold was growing on everything. I had to buy a dehumidifier to put down there to keep the humidity below 50%. When she got this baby cranked up with a canner full of boiling water (not to mention the wringer washer) the condensation literally ran down the walls.

There is a good-sized triangular patch of ground across the creek from the house that was the truck garden. This was where most of the vegetables for the table were grown. The canning vegetables, as well as the strawberries for the farmer’s market, were grown back up on the hill. There was a footbridge that crossed the creek to the garden. My uncle ran an electric fence around the garden to keep the deer out. Grandma grew a ton of green beans, corn, cabbage, cucumbers, onions, and tomatoes in that little patch of ground. The potatoes were grown on a similar, though much smaller, triangular patch along the end of the driveway. I spent many hours stringing beans and shucking corn, scalding and peeling tomatoes, and helping any way I could on canning days.

One year we drove all the way to Virginia to buy peaches. I remember they were as big as softballs. Mom was helping Grandma can them and neither one knew the other had stirred sugar into the syrup to pour over them in the jars. When they opened the first jar later on, they were sickeningly sweet. Mom felt so bad…she thought she had ruined Grandma’s beautiful peaches. But Grandma said, “Sis, don’t you worry about a thing. We’ll just make us some peach butter and not have to add any sugar.” They cooked them down and that was the best peach butter ever!

Now, this old stove stands silently in a back corner of the basement…rusted and resting on cinder blocks for legs. This appliance was from a time of resourceful ingenuity… a time when you never threw anything away. You made do. You “recycled” by reusing. You reduced waste simply by being too poor to buy something better. The Baby Boomers were on the tail end of that generation. Ours was a disposable generation. Cheaply made plastic and paper products have filled countless landfills. Grandma didn’t even have trash service till very late in life. You burned what little paper you threw away. You fed table scraps to the cats or hogs. You reused the glass jars that you canned your food in. I’m glad this stove is still here…even though it doesn’t work…it would never be safe enough to use. But it’s like going into the museum of my youth when I go downstairs. And it’s one of the the things that makes me smile. ❤️

“So then, brothers, stand firm and hold to the traditions that you were taught by us, either by our spoken word or by our letter.” ‭‭2 Thessalonians‬ ‭2:15‬ ‭ESV‬‬

The Long Goodbye

Wed, 15 Nov 2017 02:30:40 -0600

I have a longtime friend…I’ll call her Betty. Betty is retired. She was a child and family counselor…and a darned good one. She is kind, gentle, tender in her approach. She was an intuitive therapist. She raised a beautiful family. She had struggles along the way, as we all do. Some of hers were really difficult. But, in the end, she is still with the same loving spouse, and her children are thriving.

Several months ago, Betty contacted me and asked me to go to lunch with her. It was there that she revealed she had been diagnosed with dementia. It was hereditary, she explained. She already saw the signs and was struggling a bit. She wanted to thank me for teaching her to quilt because it has been a favorite pastime for her the last few years. Her legacy is in the quilts she stitched by hand as well as the books she wrote.

Betty’s biggest worry, she told me over lunch, was being a burden to her family and friends. She told me she was going to become more involved in Facebook as a way to stay engaged and interested. She didn’t want to disappear into the shadows of her mind. I encouraged her to write and remain present as long as she could. In true Betty fashion, she turned her Facebook page into a lesson…of love, of courage, of perseverance. She used to send me private messages occasionally. Bringing an article to my attention. Sharing a travel photo. Sharing a memory. Then the private messages stopped. A few days ago, she shared that her dementia was worsening…right on schedule. She doesn’t leave the house much anymore. She realizes how much she is forgetting and she hopes she isn’t boring any of us. I told her this:

We love you. We cannot fully understand what you are going through. But, we can certainly empathize. It must feel like you are leaving on a cruise ship and the people on the shore are getting further and further away till they disappear. But here’s the good news. The land to which you will eventually arrive has streets paved in gold. There will be no more illness and pain. Only love and joy. And when you can no longer feel our hands, turn around and reach for His. He is always waiting for us with arms wide open.

It’s been a long goodbye. And while I will miss her sweet, gentle posts with pictures of “Home”, I know for a fact she is surrounded by people who love her very much. They will support her as best they can. They will guard her and protect her and wish her bon voyage. I do not know where she will go when she gets lost in her mind. But I hope it will be pleasant and not painful for her. Safe travels, my friend. I will see you on the other side. ❤️

“The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake. Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.” ‭‭Psalm‬ ‭23:1-6‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Letting Out Your Inner Child

Tue, 14 Nov 2017 02:30:05 -0600

I saw something yesterday that totally melted my heart. Daughter #1 is at Disney World with her family and her brother-in-law’s family. She was standing with Mickey and Minnie Mouse. There’s a long story why this was so touching for me.

I was a single mom with #1 by the time she was two years old. It was not easy. We lived in HUD housing. We got WIC and food stamps. There were roaches and the people downstairs abused their kids. I looked in the open door one day when I walked by and my neighbor yelled at me to keep moving or she’d “come up behind me and slit my $&@?ing throat!” It was NOT a healthy scenario and if I had been any brighter or bolder, I would have packed up my stuff and hightailed it back to West Virginia. But that wasn’t what I wanted for my little girl. I wanted her to have every opportunity that I didn’t have growing up and I knew if I worked hard enough, I’d get her out of there. We would have a good life.

And things did get better. I got a really good job. I found a roommate, I lived frugally. I got good daycare. She was never wanting for the basics, but there wasn’t much extra. Just lots of love. Then, we met Hubby #2. He was applying to medical school. We worked really hard. He was a good daddy and a great provider…even though it was many years before we started making any money.

We moved to a small town when my ex finished residency and joined a practice. We were thrilled to be in the mountains and a lovely community. Daughter #1 was going into 7th grade…a tough age to make such a big move. The kids at school only knew her as the “new doctor’s daughter”. There was a group of kids out on the lawn one day, talking about how hard it was to not have money for nice things. My daughter spoke up and said she totally understood that. The kids scoffed and she told them, her dad wasn’t BORN a doctor. There were many nights we ate a box of generic mac & cheese and a tomato out of the yard. She had a genuine appreciation for where she came from and she gained the respect of all the kids.

Still, we didn’t really start making a decent living till she was nearly finished with high school. Then we had her little sister. My girls are nearly sixteen years apart. It was a different world raising the two of them. The level of affluence was drastically different and the little one definitely made out when it came to vacations. My younger one was only two or three the first time we took her to Disney World. By then, her older sister was in college. I never did get to take my oldest to see Mickey and Minnie…something she never, ever let me forget, even though she understood why.

She’s been to Disneyland a couple of times with my son-in-law’s family. But never Disney World. Not till this week. I’ve been going on her Facebook page several times a day to see the pictures she posts. Yesterday…there she was. Beaming. Standing between Mickey and Minnie, grinning from ear to ear. The post simply read, “Six-year-old me is happy.” It made me smile. It warmed my heart. She is showing her children a good time. She is sharing her joy with them. She’s such a good mom and I’m so proud of her. I’m proud of both of my daughters. And…I’m happy they know how to let their inner child out to play. ❤️

“Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.” ‭‭1 Peter‬ ‭3:4‬ ‭NIV‬‬

When Things Get Messy

Mon, 13 Nov 2017 02:30:22 -0600

This is the part I hate about home improvement projects…living through the mess till it gets finished. I have done this countless times in my life. You can’t avoid it if you are a homeowner. I did this and then some when my mom died and I prepared to sell her house. She wouldn’t let me do anything to her house when she was living because it meant she would have to throw something away. I completely redid the kitchen and bathroom, painted the whole house, and refinished the hardwood floors…all by myself. It’s ever so much more fun to do a project with someone…especially if you work well together as a team. We took yesterday off, went to church, then out to the farm to feed cats. And today we are back at it.

As I sat down to write this post, a notification came through on my phone. There are nearly a hundred women from Sisters on the Fly down in Port Aransas doing hurricane relief. The very day the hurricane hit, the call went out on the Sisters on the Fly Facebook page. Someone picked up the ball and started The Sister Corps. They immediately started recruiting women to go south to help with the cleanup efforts as they knew help would be needed beyond the immediacy of the storm. The Sister Corps has been posting pictures of the mounds of trash out in front of the houses where they are working. Homes are bare to the studs where drywall must be replaced because of flooding. Bathrooms and kitchens are being replaced. Carpeting and ruined flooring has been ripped out. It makes me look at this room with a whole new vision.

We are freshening this room…not salvaging it. We are making a choice to change outdated colors and carpeting, not replacing everything because of a natural disaster. Again, God humbles me when I get too “uppity” for my own good. This is a joy…a blessing. We are wealthy beyond our wildest dreams. We are rich in love and the bountiful blessings of not one, but two homes to live in. We have the money to buy a few gallons of paint without having to go through insurance adjusters and contractors and estimates to do so. I will look at this project with new eyes today when I am privileged to pick up a paint brush and know I have a comfortable bed to sleep in tonight. I know where my family is sleeping tonight. I know we have food in the pantry and a little money in the bank.

I want to share with you another way God works in my life. The other day, I received notice I needed to make a change in my insurance. I’ve been on the healthcare.gov website and on the phone a few times choosing New coverage. It’s an affordable policy, but still…money I wasn’t necessarily planning on spending. As I looked through the choices, I prayed. “God, show me what I need. I’ll worry about filling out the paperwork…you worry about how I’ll afford what I need.” God always, always provides. You want to know how I know this? Because, yesterday after church, Mr. Fixit and I went to the post office to pick up the mail and there were, not one but…TWO checks in there. Not enough to pay for a full month of insurance. But enough to cover my tithe for the next three months.

This is how God works. He has countless, countless blessings for YOU. They have your name on them…specifically. And he so wants to give them to you. But…he waits for you to ask for them. Don’t come out of the chute asking for those blessings directly, either. Come into the conversation thanking Him for the blessings he has already showered on you. An attitude of gratitude is a fair way to start a prayer when you are asking for more.

Thank you, God…for the unexpected bounty you have blessed me with. I am so grateful. ❤️

“Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this,” says the Lord Almighty, “and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that there will not be room enough to store it.” ‭‭Malachi‬ ‭3:10‬ ‭NIV‬‬

The Closet Christian

Sat, 11 Nov 2017 02:30:29 -0600

Sometimes it’s hard to walk the talk. And sometimes it’s even more difficult to talk the walk. I shied away from Christianity for many, many years after being frightened by a little ol’ banty rooster of a man. He was a circuit preacher, all hellfire and brimstone. As an adult, I can appreciate where that style of preaching is coming from and what affect it has on my spirit. But, as a seven-year-old, it literally scared the pee out of me and I ran in the opposite direction. I walked a long journey away from Jesus. I couldn’t be an atheist because I knew God. It was this Jesus guy that gave me fits. I rectified that by becoming Jewish for 27 years. It wasn’t till I was 51 that I became a Christian. And, even then, I was a closet Christian.

I never wanted to be that person. You know, that stereotypical church lady who can’t carry on a conversation without “Praise Jesus” this and “Praise Jesus” that. I’ve since learned you can…and SHOULD…let others know that you are a Christian by the way you act and talk. You can do this without shouting “Hallelujah” in the produce section when the Olathe Sweet Corn arrives. (Although, that actually may be justified!) I took closet Christianity to the extreme though. I was like the Unabomber in my hoodie and shades, being very careful not to expose my true identity. Some of that has fallen away with age. I don’t care as much what people think about me. Mostly it’s a conscious decision.

I had lunch with a dear friend Thursday. We met at Bob Evans…a busy chain restaurant where I can get a good breakfast any time of the day. We hadn’t seen each other for quite some time so there was much catching up to do. We talked about the kids and our new loves. We chatted about our travels and holiday plans. And we talked liberally about God and our faith walk. It was an easy conversation…the kind of comfort you only find with close friends.

After about an hour or so, a woman walked over and placed her hand on my arm. “I overheard you talking about the Lord. Thank you! Isn’t He wonderful?” Yes, yes He is. I appreciated the woman’s gesture. She was a true Believer and wanted to share that moment with me. That was fine, but what meant more to me was this…if SHE, as a Believer, overheard our conversation, then there just might have been someone there who may never have had the opportunity to hear someone praising God over hash browns and scrambled eggs.

Incorporating our love for God into our daily conversations doesn’t have to come in the form of that guy with the sandwich board in front of Taco Bell shouting about the end times. That’s the quickest way to turn people off of any religion, in my humble opinion. I prefer a more organic approach.

Don’t hide your light under a basket. Let it shine! ❤️

“Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.” ‭‭Matthew‬ ‭5:15-16‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Brushing Up Against The Past

Fri, 10 Nov 2017 02:30:35 -0600

Today is Veteran’s Day. Every Veteran’s Day, I sent Mr. Virgo a note thanking him for his service. His father was a veteran. His late daughter was a veteran. My dad, my uncle, my first husband, my niece, my late father-in-law…all veterans. Mr. Virgo had military honors at his funeral. I cannot hear taps without feeling a catch in my throat. This time of year brings him closer to the surface.

The other day, one of my dear friends posted a video. In it, she addressed her friends and family. Her nose was red from crying. She sniffled as tears slowly dripped down her cheeks. This is the angelversary week of her husband’s death. It hits her hard every year and even though it’s been eleven years, she relives his final days over and over. It broke my heart. And, of course, it made me think of Mr. Virgo. His was a sudden death. No warning. No long goodbyes. Thankfully, no suffering. I cannot imagine a lingering death. It crushes me.

While I haven’t cried for him in quite some time, that doesn’t mean I never will again. It certainly doesn’t mean I’m through with grief and loss. That’s something that is forever imprinted in the fibers of my being. But I will say this…I don’t let myself “go there” very often. I used to meditate on him. I felt it was necessary to purge myself of as many tears as possible to clean out my heart from this terrible pain. When tears wouldn’t come, I would look at a picture of him in his casket taken at the viewing… white turtleneck, ivory sweater, hair carefully combed, glasses missing from the CPR efforts. I know that sounds absolutely macabre, but somehow I needed that pain to burn itself out or the fire was going to consume me. I knew this without a doubt.

Time and distance has softened Mr. Virgo’s death somehow. It’s like looking at the horizon without my glasses. I see the line…it’s just blurred. If I concentrate, I can bring it back into focus because it’s always there…just beyond where the light spills over. But, something interesting happens when he brushes up against my mind now. When I get close to the memories, I “feel” him instead of “see” him. I mean…literally. While there are some passages in the Bible that allow for a little wiggle room in the idea of “ghosts”, Evangelical Christians believe that we are absent from this place once we die. However, it isn’t far fetched to believe that God may use visions, smells and touch to evoke loving memories of loved ones who have passed.

The other night, Mr. FixIt and I were talking and he said the sweetest thing. He said, “How can we love each other this much?” Immediately, I felt something brush up over my right arm. It surprised me and I sat very still. I looked down at my arm and thought hard. “Do it again.” I whispered in my mind. And there it was…a distinct “touch”…like static electricity on my right forearm. I smiled and looked up at Mr. FixIt. I don’t know how we can love each other this much, but we do.

And…I’ve a feeling someone else approves. ❤️

“We are confident, I say, and would prefer to be away from the body and at home with the Lord.” ‭‭2 Corinthians‬ ‭5:8‬ ‭NIV‬‬

What Have I Done???

Thu, 09 Nov 2017 02:30:08 -0600

OMGosh! I broke my absolute cardinal rule yesterday and…gasp…bought a piece of furniture! I know, I know…you all were with me when I downsized and I absolutely SWORE I would never accumulate “stuff” again. BUT…things are different now. A lot different. I’m not living in a camper, for one thing. For the last three years, my desktop computer has been riding in my camper, under the bed, in an airtight plastic storage tub. There have been numerous times I’ve needed to use it and I have to go out, prop up the bed, haul it out, and put it away when I’m done. Ok, ok…I’m rationalizing. Here’s what happened.

I had to run to town yesterday for an appointment and on my way back to the house, I saw a sign that said “Grand Opening!” It was a consignment store. Who can pass up a good consignment store, right? My truck pulled in, all on its own. I had no choice but to follow. I browsed around and they had some beautiful pieces of furniture. I was first attracted to an old rolltop desk. It was small, and a little beat up. Mr. FixIt has a nice rolltop desk…much nicer than this one. I went on and looked at other things. When I came back around, I asked the clerk about the desk. He said, “You know, if it were me and I had the room, I’d be looking at this one. Much better piece of furniture.” He opened the doors and the drawers and showed me the solid oak construction. The top opens and there’s a place for the monitor, a drawer for the keyboard, and a separate cabinet for the CPU. It is in two pieces to make it easier to transport. The selling point for me was the price. The piece originally sold for $1800. It had been priced for sale in the consignment shop for $500…a decent price for a sold piece of furniture of this quality. However, it was marked down to $250. So, I own a piece of furniture.

That’s two pieces, actually. I also own the jelly cupboard in the kitchen at the farm. Oh, and a recliner. Hmmmmm….I am accumulating. Not excessively, but still. It doesn’t feel as scary to put down some roots as it did in the first few years after Mr. Virgo died. I didn’t want to feel a sense of permanence then. Permanence meant real loss when things headed south. I needed to feel untethered…free. I didn’t have the strength to be needed…even by inanimate objects. As long as it fit in my truck and my camper, I was just fine. And like I said, things are different now. A lot of healing has occurred. Time has passed. A relationship has been established. A home is being created. Two homes, actually.

Mr. FixIt lives exactly twenty-two miles from the farm. He lives on five acres out in the country. He generously shares his space with me. Mi casa es su casa. My house is your house. He is just as comfortable at the farm as I am at his place. And neither of us are giving up our space. We stay a little here, a little there, and then have our own space to retreat to when we need to recharge. It’s the perfect arrangement for the time being. I became very independent after losing Mr. Virgo. While I missed him, certainly…I also came to appreciate the stillness of my own breath. Mr. FixIt and I both like our alone time. Although…truth be told…whenever we are apart, we miss each other terribly. This whole relationship thing is growing on both of us. I suppose, for me, there is still an element of fear deep down inside. That “What if something happened to him” thing. I know I can’t live my life in fear. I won’t. But, there’s something to be said for taking your time in any given situation. After all, there’s no biological time clock ticking here. There’s absolutely nothing to be in a hurry over.

Mr. FixIt and I have been together for a year now. I was thinking about this yesterday. I’m in a really good place now, emotionally. I haven’t had a “bad night” in a really long time. My anxiety level is at an all time low. I’m comfortable in my own skin. I’m happy. I am blessed. And…I am grateful. God has answered so many prayers. I think I’m just going to go along for the ride and enjoy…everything. Life is so sweet! ❤️

“Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when the perfect comes, the partial will pass away.” ‭‭1 Corinthians‬ ‭13:4-10‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Getting Cozy

Wed, 08 Nov 2017 02:30:14 -0600

I’ve always loved to sit in front of a nice fire with a cup of tea, a comforter, and a stack of magazines. I haven’t had a stove or fireplace to sit in front of since my youngest was a baby. She’s twenty-seven. We are fortunate to have free gas at the farm so we have a couple ventless gas stoves to ward off the chill in the far reaches of the house. But they don’t look like a wood stove and are situated where sitting near them is impossible. I was delighted when Mr. FixIt showed me his house for the first time. This gas stove sits in the family room and is perfect for getting cozy on a cold, wet November afternoon.

And it’s a good thing we’re getting cozy today because…we are about to embark on the first real test of our relationship. Painting a room together. We picked up an array of paint samples at the hardware store the other day and sat down with them yesterday. Or rather…I did while Mr. FixIt finished up something he was working on. I looked through the color swatches, booklets, and magazines and all I felt was frustration. You can ask Daughter #1…I’m horrible at choosing colors. I have it in my head what I want but putting it down as a plan that makes any sense eludes me. I spent an inordinate amount of time cross-stitching a quilt pattern for one of my BFF’s one year for Christmas. I had it framed and when it was done…well, let’s just say it looked lovely in her downstairs guest bathroom. I have a horrible time matching colors. My daughter, however, can pick out tea towels to match the accent wall in her kitchen six months after painting it. I couldn’t tell you if it was green or yellow. (It was the color of red grapes, actually. I mean, what IS that?) Anyway, I finally found a picture that showed what I was looking for just as Mr. FixIt walked into the room.

“How’s it going, my baby?”

Breathe. Act like you know what you’re doing.

“Great! What do you think of this? We can do three walls in this color, one accent wall in this darker shade, and the trim in white!”

I held my breath.

“I like it!”

Really? That was easy. Listen, this may very well actually BE the world’s most perfect man!

We went to town and bought the paint and some supplies we needed. Now comes the challenge of actually painting…together. I’ll keep you apprised how that goes. In the meantime, I sat here in front of this cozy fire with a Rosemary Chicken in the oven, a definite chill in the air, browsing through a stack of my favorite magazines, a nice cup of tea at hand. Honestly, it doesn’t get much better than that!

Mr. Virgo’s Rosemary Chicken

Pick out a nice, fat roasting hen. Remove giblets and set to simmer for gravy, if you’re into that sort of thing. Personally, I think innards go in the trash, NOT in my gravy. Rinse the chicken, inside and out and place in a baking dish. Wipe the chicken with extra virgin olive oil. Season with fresh ground pepper, salt, rustic herbs, garlic and crushed rosemary. Place uncovered in a preheated 350 degree oven and bake until golden brown…about an hour and a half to two hours. The leg should be squeezable and when a knife is stuck in between the thigh and breast, the juices should run clear. That’s it, easy peasy. Mr. Virgo and I had this every Sunday. I made it for Mr. FixIt last night for the first time and it was a big hit. If you need a quicker meal, prepare chicken thighs in the same manner but bake 30-45 minutes. Bon Appetite! ❤️

“May your unfailing love be my comfort, according to your promise to your servant.” ‭‭Psalm‬ ‭119:76‬ ‭NIV‬‬

He Will Cover You With His Feathers...

Tue, 07 Nov 2017 02:30:26 -0600

Mr. Fixit is doing some cleaning up and updating at his house. We make a really good team working on projects together and he is constantly amazed at the things I can do. I think it really shocked him at first when I did jobs around the farm that may have been labeled “men’s work” in an earlier time. He’ll still watch me do something and shake his head. I usually look at him and say “What?!” He’ll laugh and say, “You amaze me, that’s all. You’re a remarkable woman!” I love that. I love being considered a remarkable woman by a man I greatly admire. It makes me feel both feminine and empowered at the same time.

Somewhere in the midst of moving things around at his house the other day, Mr. Fixit stumbled upon a book called Lists to Live by for Every Married Couple. Even though we aren’t married, we figured since we’re a couple, the book ought to work for us as well. Every evening we sit down and read a few pages and discuss the lists. There are lists of activities to do, things to say, things NOT to say, good habits…you know, common sense things that keep marriages (and couples in relationships) on an even keel as they navigate this journey called life. And even though this isn’t our first rodeo, it’s our first in this particular one, so it doesn’t hurt to read.

I like that these lists have faith-based items on them. Pray for your partner. Tell your partner you are praying for them. Read the Bible. Go to church. Mr. Fixit hadn’t been to church for thirty-five years until I came along. I never pushed him to go. I just told him that’s where I’d be every Sunday morning. And I was. And one day he said he might go with me every once in awhile. Not every week…but, once in a while. I smiled and said I would love that. Again…no pressure. Then came the Sunday he went with me. Easter, I think. When we came out, his eyes were lit up with a fire! He was so excited. He’d never experienced church like this. He had always fallen asleep in church. THIS church grabbed his attention and kept him engaged the entire service. He’s gone with me every Sunday since unless one or the other of us is traveling.

This is something new for me, as well. To have someone want to go to church with me every week. To hold my hand during worship and prayer. Someone to sing with me. A voice I recognize praying next to me. This has become a big part of our bonding experience. There should be three people in every relationship…you, your significant other, and God. If both of you keep God at the top of the triangle and you both strive to climb closer to Him…you cannot help but get closer to each other. It’s simple geometry.

When trouble comes into our life, either in the form of tragedy in the news or something that affects us on a more personal level, we remember that God wraps us in His feathers and we can find refuge there. We needn’t be afraid of the things of the world. I watched the news again last night and saw the follow up stories surrounding the shooting in Texas. I watched the mother, the pastor’s wife, whose fourteen year old daughter was killed. I saw her model grace in the wake of an unspeakable loss. And this verse came to me. What a remarkable example of trust. Of faith. Of absolute assurance she will see her child again. I was in awe.

My heart is with those mourning losses today. My prayer is they will find refuge under His wings. ❤️

“He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart. You will not fear the terror of night, nor the arrow that flies by day,” ‭‭Psalm‬ ‭91:4-5‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Sweetness

Sun, 05 Nov 2017 02:30:40 -0600

It seems like yesterday when I traced the delicate shell of my first baby’s ear. She was so tiny at just over five pounds. I was terrified I would break her. That was forty-three years ago. Twenty-seven years ago, I did the same thing with my second daughter. Thirteen years have passed since my first grandchild was in my arms and ten since I cradled her little sister. I thought it would be a long time before I got to hold a little baby again. But, along with Mr. FixIt came a brand new great grandchild and I’m in love all over again!

Oh, this makes me ache for Big and Little…my sweet grand daughters in Colorado. I won’t get to see them till Christmastime. They are growing so fast…and without me. This is the hard part…the only downside…of living in West Virginia. Being so far away from my family. I wish I could tie a rope around Colorado and a rope around West Virginia and pull them closer together. My heart has two homes and sometimes it really hurts when I’m away from those I love. Holding this little sweet thing (who I am SURE is going to call me Gigi!) brings me all kinds of feels.

We had a first yesterday. Our first dinner party together was quite successful. I used that electric pressure cooker again. This time I cooked a pork roast. Mr. Virgo only wanted pork roasts actually ROASTED in the over with EVO, garlic salt and pepper. I seared this roast in a hot skillet then placed it on a bed of sliced onions in the bottom of that pressure cooker, sprinkled it with fresh ground salt, pepper, rustic herbs and garlic and two cups of water. I cooked it on high for 45 minutes then turned it off and let the pressure come down on its own. I opened it and checked the meat and it wasn’t quite tender enough. I cooked it another 45 minutes (it was a big roast) and released the pressure. I let the roast rest in its juices while I made mashed potatoes, fried sauerkraut, green beans, fried apples and hot rolls. When the guests arrived, I tore off chunks of the roast with a fork and served it with the rest of the fixings on the side. It was wonderful and we all had a fun evening filled with fellowship and laughter.

In case you forgot, daylight saving time is over. Turn your clocks back an hour. Have a blessed Sunday, dear ones. ❤️

“Beloved, we are God’s children now, and what we will be has not yet appeared; but we know that when he appears we shall be like him, because we shall see him as he is.” ‭‭1 John‬ ‭3:2‬ ‭ESV‬‬

I Spy With My Little Eye...

Sat, 04 Nov 2017 01:30:20 -0600

Some very observant readers picked up on something in my picture yesterday. My inbox lit up like a Christmas tree! I didn’t answer the questions directly and suggested they come back today to read my post. I love a little mystery. What was it they saw? A ring…a shiny ring…on my left hand!!! squeeeee

Yes, I have a ring! And in all fairness, so does Mr. FixIt. I gave him his first though. So here’s how it went down, what it means, and how we’re feeling about it.

Early in the year, just a couple months after Mr. FixIt and I started seeing each other, we found out there was something wrong with his blood. The initial thoughts were he had leukemia. Suffice it to say, we were both pretty devastated about it. After all, we just “found” each other again after 45 years. It would be terribly tragic to turn around and lose him, too. He had more tests run and they were worse, so we went for a bone marrow biopsy.

We had been talking about a life long commitment but that’s as far as it had gone. Then the blood thing came up. I wanted some way, some outward sign that would show Mr. FixIt that…no matter what the results of this bone marrow biopsy, I was in this for the long haul. I didn’t want him to worry or be afraid. I happened upon a beautiful gentlemen’s ring and in a moment of impulse, I bought it. We were leaving for the hospital when I pulled out the box and told him I wanted him to know…good or bad…I’m not going anywhere. I thought he was going to cry. He knew I was sticking with him, but the gesture was not lost on him. He asked if this meant we were engaged. Smiling, I said, “Halfway.”

One evening we were going out to dinner with friends and I stopped by Mr. FixIt’s to get ready. I was sitting out front when he came home. He said, “Oh! You’re wearing my favorite dress!” I stood up and twirled around. He had a concerned look on his face and I thought. “Uh-oh. Somethings wrong.” He looked at me and said the dress was missing something. Something sparkly. Then he gave me this beautiful ring!

Here’s where it gets complicated. This is the most personal I’ll ever get about our relationship. I don’t want to get married again. At least, not in the conventional way. I’ve had three husbands. That’s two other women’s quotas. It has nothing to do with how much I love Mr. FixIt…or Mr. Virgo, for that matter. When women of a certain age become widows, they qualify for “widow’s benefits”. If they get married, they lose that. Things don’t work in the widow’s favor in this regard. Therefore, a lot of very long engagements take place in my age bracket. And that’s just fine.

From a faith standpoint, it slays me that women are forced to lose income in order to do what God says to do. Someone said to me…”Well, you aren’t trusting God to provide.” To which my answer is…maybe He already provided. Maybe those widow’s benefits ARE his answer to prayer. The Lord takes care of those who help themselves. To me, it would be crazy to throw away money He had provided.

Long engagements are still in vogue. I will be here for the long haul. The rest is a matter of semantics. So, no…there’s no date set. No fanfare. No hoopla. Just love. Lots and lots of love…always and forever. I’m sure I’ll be talking to God about it when I get to Heaven. I have a feeling it’s going to be a long conversation! ❤️

Edit: He still has an abnormality which they have determined is not leukemia. They still don’t know what it is. We have to repeat the tests in six months. I’m sorry. I was writing this late and missed that piece.

“…..may you ever be intoxicated with her love.” ‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭5:19‬ ‭NIV‬‬

The Promise

Fri, 03 Nov 2017 01:30:13 -0600

Three thousand seven hundred sixty-four. That’s how many days came between these two pictures. On the left, the day I married Mr. Virgo. Is it any wonder that handsome man wanted to marry me??? Look at that fresh face, smooth skin, dark hair with just a smattering of gray. Where are the wrinkles around my mouth? Where is all the proof of my sorrow and my joy?

It was a warm spring day stuck smack dab between storms. They shoveled the snow off the balcony so we could get married outside. I had shopped and shopped for the perfect dress, finally finding it on eBay for $45! It was too big so my friend took it in for me. I loved the beads on the silk with hand painted flowers. I thought I looked like a million bucks!

If I had it to do over again, I would have had Mr. Virgo plan the wedding. While it was lovely, it wasn’t until the honeymoon when he reminded me this is what he does for a living. I hadn’t even thought of that. I was just so darned excited to be marrying this great guy, I just barreled through like a bull in a china shop. I asked him why he didn’t say something, and in his sweet, self-deprecating way, he told me, “Sweetheart, it really is all about you. You were having so much fun with it, I just sat back and enjoyed the ride.” I started to ask him what he would have done differently and I know he would have said, “Nothing, baby doll. Not a thing.” Because, that’s the kind of guy he was.

We stood before some seventy-five or so of our family and friends and shared our vows. We promised to always be there. Till death do us part. We had no idea at the time it would only be five years, eleven months, and five days till the unthinkable happened and he was gone.

There is joy on that face on the left. Fresh with the wonder of love and a wedding and music and dancing and cake! Fast forward a decade and look…that face has aged. It has seen indescribable loss. The eyes have shed a river of tears. The hair has a lot of glitter in it. And, there is also joy on that face on the right. Fresh with the wonder of love and music and camping and great barbecue and the handsome man taking my picture….my life companion. The woman on the right is wiser. Older chronologically, but not in her heart. While I lost so much when I lost Mr. Virgo…I ended up gaining in the end. I have a much greater sense of adventure. I’m not so “in the box” as I used to be. I got out from under crushing debt and the weight of long held worldly goods. I figured out what’s really important in life. I’m SO different now than I was then.

I am relieved to be this far down the road of this grief journey. The pictures I have of those weeks, months, years break my heart. I try not to think about the possibilities of having to walk that path again but I’m realistic enough to know it can happen. I know I could survive it again if I had to. But, for now…I think I’ll just hang on and go for the ride. The best is yet to be! I’m becoming a crone! ❤️

“The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”” ‭‭Genesis‬ ‭2:18‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Free Refills

Tue, 31 Oct 2017 01:30:43 -0600

Sunday’s sermon was amazing, as usual, and I am always compelled to share my impressions. Pastor Justin Enoch of The Warehouse Church delivers a passionate message every Sunday that really speaks to me. I love this church! It’s contemporary, has a great praise team, and speaks to my spirit week after week. As I was driving to church Sunday, I felt this delightful anticipation that made me smile. I’ve never known a church where people are SO excited to attend. They give you “high fives” as you enter and as you leave. They hold up signs in the parking lot that say “So glad you’re here!” and “You can sit with us!” It is a reaching church and welcomes everyone, no matter where they are in their lives. I love that.

“If you only knew…” This was the title of Sunday’s sermon. How many times have you said…”If I only knew then what I know now…”? Pastor Justin used the example of the oil and gas industry. If he had only known about the development that was going to come, he would have thrown everything he had into the pot and bought all this land for pennies on the dollar that has now created so many “Mailbox Millionaires”. We live our lives this way. The enemy feeds on this. He whispers into our lives and makes us fearful of the future, worried about today, and ashamed of the past. If you take up the spoon and eat what you’re being fed, you’ll soon starve to death. Your spirit will be hungry…for what, it has no clue. So you seek to find something that fills you up. Drugs, alcohol, sex, pornography, shopping…anything to fill up that hole in your spirit.

Pastor Justin goes on to ask how many of us love “free refills”. Hands go up all over the sanctuary. We do! We love to have that bottomless cup of coffee at the diner or the unlimited soup and salad at Olive Garden. We want something for nothing. God offers us unlimited, bottomless cup, free refills for all eternity…refills of love. If you only knew how much He loves you. If you were the only person on this earth, He would still have sacrificed His Son for you. That kind of love is unfathomable. You can’t earn it. You can’t buy it. He gives it freely. And when He does, you cannot help but be changed.

There is an East Indian saying that says, “No matter how far you have gone down the wrong path, turn around.” You have to make choices in your faith walk. If you are struggling with addiction, you can’t get clean and play in the same playground you did before. You have to make changes. God offers his love freely, but we have to show up and suit up and play the game. What if you put that passion and drive and love and attention you put into anything that takes you off the right path and turned it towards God? What if, instead of running to the bottle or the needle or the charge card or the relationship, you ran towards Jesus? Whoa. That blew me away.

Free refills…unconditional love, free for the taking. I’ll fill my cup at the well that serves Living Water and my cup will never be empty. I ran into a gal in Harrisville yesterday. I hadn’t seen her in about a year. She looked at me and said, “You look so rested, so peaceful.” I am…for a number of reasons. My cup is filled every day by a living, loving God. I have healthy, happy children and grandchildren. My brother is stable and happy and living a fulfilling life. I live in the country in the home of my heart. And, I’m in love with a wonderful man. I am wealthy beyond all imagination. I may not have a boatload of money…but I’m richer than I have ever been in my entire life.

Twelve years ago today a tall, silver-haired gentleman with piercing blue eyes and a disarming smile walked into my needlework shop in Glenwood Springs and changed my life forever. I am so grateful for that. I am so grateful I had that kind of unconditional love and that I have it again. I am so grateful for this life! My prayer today is that you are richly blessed in your own lives. ❤️

“Jesus answered, “Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.”” ‭‭John‬ ‭4:13-14‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Soup...Nature’s Tranquilizer

Sat, 28 Oct 2017 01:30:02 -0600

It was twenty-seven degrees here at the farm yesterday morning when I sent Mr. FixIt off on a guys trip to North Carolina. This leaves me on my own till Sunday night. I love this man…I truly do. AND, I love my alone time on occasion, so I’m sitting here in the dining room, in front of Grandma’s favorite window, classical music playing softly in the background. It is lovely outside…nearly sixty degrees, sunny, the last of the autumn leaves clinging desperately to the branches like quivering field mice bracing for winter’s chill. It is warm and cozy in this little, old farmhouse and I’m snug as a bug in a rug.

The other day I told you I was making pot roast in the pressure cooker. That night after dinner, I added a can of green beans, a small can of sliced carrots, a can of diced tomatoes, and the leftover potatoes from dinner to the crock pot. When I say “‘crock pot” and “pressure cooker”, I am talking about the same appliance that also is a steamer. When I got rid of most of my belongings and moved into the camper, I didn’t want to be without the conveniences of my kitchen appliances and there wasn’t room for everything. That’s when I ran across this wonderful gizmo that does it all. It’s not very big, but its big enough for two and leftovers aplenty.

I put the soup on and frankly…I forgot all about it till I was heading to bed. I came into the kitchen to lock the back door and noticed it was still cooking. Too hot to put in the fridge, I took the soup…pot and all…out to my truck and set it inside for the night as the temperature got down into the thirties. The next morning, I skimmed off the fat and plugged it back in to have ready for lunch. It was wonderful!

Mr. FixIt was heading into town after lunch to help his ex with something. I sent him off with a container of soup and some crackers for her. Why cater to the needs of an ex-wife? Because…divorce may change a relationship status, but you can still be family. There is Christian loving-kindness to be considered. She is moving this week into her first home of her own. I remember what that was like after my divorce. I wanted her to know she is loved and cared for. It is the same love and kindness extended toward me from my exes’ wives. You can be bitter and angry and full of resentment with a divorce. Or, you can embrace the new member into the family circle. I know that doesn’t work for everyone, but I choose love. I always choose love. ❤️

“We love because he first loved us.” ‭‭1 John‬ ‭4:19‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Farmhouse Obsession

Thu, 26 Oct 2017 01:30:48 -0600

In 1982, Hubby #2 and I moved into an old brick bungalow that had been the farmhouse before the area around it was developed. It was drafty and poorly insulated. Three quarters of the basement was bare dirt floor. The brick support pillars down there were crumbling and frankly, it was a pretty scary place. But the rest of the house was charming. Dark hardwood floors and built-in storage, tall ceilings and a sun porch, large windows you could fling wide open to catch the cool evening breeze…it was the closest I had come to living in an actual farmhouse since I’d left home at the tender age of twenty.

Hubby #2 was in medical school when we moved into this rental. Even though it was a farmhouse, it was on a very busy street in east Denver. I had a big garden and flower beds everywhere. We grew as much of our own food as we could and I was very much into Mother Earth News. I made our bread, yogurt, granola and tofu. What I couldn’t grow, I bought at the neighborhood farmer’s market. I canned dozens of jars of green beans, pickles, tomatoes, jams and jellies in my huge country kitchen which looked very similar to this one.

I have a total obsession with these porcelain farmhouse sinks. There’s nothing better for canning than one of these babies. The sink was huge and deep…perfect for washing large quantities of fruits and vegetables. A water bath canner could sit right down into the sink for easy filling. And two dishpans fit perfectly side by side for washing and rinsing dishes. My grandma’s farmhouse doesn’t have one of these sinks but I imagine the first one I ever saw was in West Virginia. I run across them every so often here but haven’t found just the right one. The laminate on the countertops in the farm kitchen is lifting and needs to be replaced. I’m thinking if I ever do that, this kind of sink is going in. The plumbing under the sink is getting pretty fragile so when it goes, it’ll be a perfect opportunity to do a little updating. It is, to be sure, just an earthly tent…but the home of my earthly heart.

Speaking of plumbing, remember when I told you about leaving the bath water running and getting distracted by a phone call? I actually ran the well dry and this terrible, black water started coming out of the faucet. I spoke with one of the locals here and he said this hard water gunks up the insides of the pipes just like cholesterol in your arteries. When I let the well run dry, the “spurting” of air and water essentially roto-rootered the plumbing. Before that, the water smelled and tasted awful. Now, while I don’t think I’d drink a glass of it, I can stand to brush my teeth with it…but only after I tested the water. It’s hard, and slightly alkaline, but there’s no lead, pesticides, or bacteria. It’s really amazing the difference in the quality, before and after.

The pot roast from yesterday was wonderful and is in a crockpot for vegetable soup today. It’s cold and rainy and we were expecting our first hard freeze last night. It’s time to get out the jeans and sweaters and boots and jackets. The only thing missing is a fireplace but this old house is all wood and I wouldn’t dare have one. We did change out the stove in the bathroom yesterday with one that has a thermostat. Now it shuts off and on rather than being way too hot or freezing with the manual shutoff.

The fire in Parkersburg is dying down but still has smoldering hotspots. More information is being released about the owners and what they were doing in there. And, more importantly, what they WEREN’T doing…like correcting past environmental and safety violations. The owner, who has at least four other of these warehouses in the area packed with God knows what, is conveniently out of the country at the moment. Fines had been levied against them for these violations to the tune of $80,000…$60,000 of which remains unpaid. They’re still evaluating the air quality results. The first class action lawsuit was filed Monday. And the circus begins. I pray for the first responders and the folks who live nearby and in the path of the smoke cloud, which shifted continually with the direction of the wind. I pray this gets sorted out quickly. I hear Erin Brokovich has been alerted. I hope that helps. ❤️

“For we know that if the tent that is our earthly home is destroyed, we have a building from God, a house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens. For in this tent we groan, longing to put on our heavenly dwelling, if indeed by putting it on we may not be found naked. For while we are still in this tent, we groan, being burdened—not that we would be unclothed, but that we would be further clothed, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life. He who has prepared us for this very thing is God, who has given us the Spirit as a guarantee.” ‭‭2 Corinthians‬ ‭5:1-5‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Comfort Food

Wed, 25 Oct 2017 01:30:26 -0600

Today’s the day…time for the first “comfort food” meal of fall. Mr. FixIt and I have been working at our respective homes a lot the last week or so and haven’t had a day at home for a while. Today is trash day. It’s “install the new bathroom heater because we bought one without a thermostat, oh my gosh, what were we thinking” day. It’s a day to reconnect and play cards and visit. Today is “Pot Roast Day”. I’m pretty sure it’s a national holiday.

I love pot roast. I love a good bone-in pot roast but haven’t seen one of them in a grocery store for years. Mr. Virgo always said the flavor of meat comes from the bone, but everything seems to be boneless anymore. My grandma used to can beef. On Sundays, she’d go get a couple quarts of canned beef, drain it, dredge the chunks of tender meat in seasoned flour and fry it in butter. Makes my swoon to think of it. You could cut it with a knife and it literally melted in your mouth. A nice brown gravy, mashed potatoes, green beans, and buttered bread made the BEST Sunday supper ever!

It’s cold today. It was supposed to get down to 32 last night with a high today of only 47. It rained like crazy yesterday and there was graupel associated with it. Graupel occurs when supercooled water droplets freeze onto snowflakes. It looks like tiny hail, but it’s soft. It’s common in Colorado but this is the first time I’ve seen it here in West Virginia. We’ll have snow before we know it. I’m getting there, but I’m not ready yet. The mower and the summer garden tools have been put away and the porches are cleared off. Progress is being made!

I heard a great horned owl last night. Can Halloween be far behind? Have a happy Wednesday, dear ones! ❤️

“While the earth remains, seedtime and harvest, cold and heat, summer and winter, day and night, shall not cease."” ‭‭Genesis‬ ‭8:22‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Turning Back Time

Mon, 23 Oct 2017 01:30:31 -0600

Mr. FixIt and I go to church every Sunday. It has become the center of our relationship and sets the tone for the rest of the week. It helps us keep our focus on God first. This is the first time in my life that I can go to church with my love every single week. I love it!

We went to the noon service yesterday and decided to drive over in Ohio to a flea market we’ve had our eye on. Really, the only thing there I felt was worth going for was a really awesome antique store. They had a lot of beautiful pieces of furniture at very reasonable prices. But the one thing that really caught my eye was the Soapbox Derby racer. It was obviously sponsored by someone out of Zanesville…a rather large town east of Columbus on I-70. It brought back such fond memories.

I have some cousins on my dad’s side of the family through my dad’s youngest brother. When I was growing up, my mom used to take us to their house several times a week. My cousins were older than me so we weren’t terribly close. But I adored my aunt. She was always fifty years ahead of her time. She did great projects with her kids. One year they actually built canoes and studied the currents in the Ohio River. They built a putt-putt golf course in their yard. They went scuba diving and water skiing. I was enthralled with all of them. They were larger than life. I remember feeling honored when I got their hand-me-downs.

One year, the passion-du-jour was the Soapbox Derby. In typical fashion, my aunt sat down with the kids and researched and pored over ever bit of engineering information they could get their hands on. And they meticulously built the perfect racer. And, of course, my cousin won. They always won everything they put their minds to. One year, there was a treasure hunt. The grand prize was a Ford Pinto. They won. They were awesome.

When I saw that racer in the antique store, it made me think of other toys and things of my childhood. I went on my Pinterest page and created a board called “Childhood Memories” and…holy cats! So many cool pics popped up. Things I had totally forgotten about, like those colorful pens you could buy as souvenirs with a scene in a water-filled tube. There would be something like a boat or an airplane that would move through the water when you tilted the pen. I found a TV that was just like our first one. There was our phone, and my skate key, and colored toilet paper and the black and white sign-off screen when the station went off the air at night.

If you’re interested, you can check out my Pinterest boards at https://pin.it/h0vDp2x I have all kinds of boards on there. Pinterest is addictive, though…quite a time suck if you let it. I have to limit myself or I could lose hours in there!

I’m having coffee with some of my high school friends today…one of which I haven’t seen in nearly fifty years. Talk about bringing back childhood memories! I hope you have a great start to your week! ❤️

“And the streets of the city shall be full of boys and girls playing in its streets.” ‭‭Zechariah‬ ‭8:5‬ ‭ESV‬‬

#childhood, #memories, #soapboxderby

The Ice Cream Truck...for Adults

Sat, 21 Oct 2017 01:30:23 -0600

I finally broke down and got Amazon Prime. Living out here in the boonies makes shopping difficult sometimes…especially in winter. And, while I try to buy local at every opportunity, there are things that I’m not willing to compromise on like saving money. Prime gives you free two day shipping. It pays for itself quickly. Also, I love the music channel. I can ask Alexis to play “Kari Jobe” or “Contemporary Christian Rock” and she gets right to it.

I’ve told you before but, since downsizing, I’m very careful about what I accumulate. It would be very easy to let things get out of control. If I run across something I think I might need, I jot it down on a list in my iPhone. If I haven’t thought of it in a couple of weeks, I figure I don’t need it and take it off the list. When I get four or five items on the list, I go on Amazon and put them in my cart but I don’t actually buy them. If I haven’t bought them in a week or two, I re-evaluate whether I really need that particular item. Often, my fascination with it wanes or I figure out how to use something I already have.

I placed an order this week and the UPS man backed up my driveway this afternoon. Four boxes arrived and it felt like Christmas! I ordered some probiotics for the best price around. I bought Lisa Mora’s book called Vintage Trailer Style. (I’ve been eyeing it for months. Cute camper ideas.) I ordered a microwaveable corn bag to warm my feet up at night. I have a barley one but cannot find it anywhere. And I bought a small gas stove for the bathroom. You may remember I replaced the stove in there in the spring, but we got the thing hooked up before we realized the stove had no thermostat. I thought we’d get by, but a stove that runs all the time soon has this little house WAY too hot! This new stove is exactly like the other one but with a thermostat. We’ll get that installed this weekend…another winter prep job.

I mowed the yard yesterday. I put the mower away in the barn so hopefully I won’t have to drag it out again this fall. I mulched the leaves into the lawn for extra fertilizer. I covered the air conditioner with heavy plastic for winter. I got the lawn chairs put away in the basement and worked on the back porch. It has become a catch all this summer and it was getting out of control. Still didn’t get the cat beds fixed yet. As I was writing this last night, Old Mama Kitty knocked one of the beds off the table and onto the cement porch floor. It sounded like a bear was getting into a trash can. I jumped and looked out the back door. When I went out, poor Mama came running like she needed me to save her from that big, bad plastic tub. ?

We’re supposed to have good weather this weekend and rain comes Monday. There’s a meteor shower this weekend. Get away from the city lights to someplace dark and enjoy Morher Nature’s fireworks. ❤️

“Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people.” ‭‭Colossians‬ ‭3:23‬ ‭NLT‬‬

#UPS, #cleanhouse, #farmlife

Tea Time

Fri, 20 Oct 2017 01:30:02 -0600

I’m a coffee drinker but I can’t have it after about noon or I’ll be counting the spots on the ceiling all night. I can drink tea at night without a problem. Now that the weather is getting cooler, I share tea time with Mr. FixIt every evening. He catches up with the news on his phone. I sit here on the sofa, write my post and schedule it for 4:00 in the morning so you can read it when you have YOUR cuppa.

I always liked tea, even as a young girl. But, I really got into it when I lived in England. I learned to drink it with cream and a side of “digestive biscuits”…England’s counterpart for graham crackers. I bought a Brown Betty while I was there…a sturdy, brown, earthenware teapot that keeps your tea at a proper temperature for quite some time. I was taught to put in a teaspoon of loose leaf tea per cup and add one for the pot. I poured my cream into the pot then fresh, boiling water. I let it steep till it was the color I like and poured it through a strainer to removed the leaves.

I had my first child in the Royal Berkshire Maternity Hospital. My physician was Mr. Stalabrass (certain physicians are referred to as Mr. in Britain, or at least that’s the way it was forty-three years ago.) I had pre-eclampsia and had to be in the hospital for a week before I had the baby. Every afternoon, an aide would take your lunch tray, close the curtains and the door, and settle you in for a nap. Two hours later, she would come back with a warm face cloth and a tea tray…a lovely pot of tea, finger sandwiches, and sweets. It was divine! They should do that everywhere.

I am working double time trying to give this house a deep cleaning before winter sets in. The water here at the farm is hard and has a lot of iron in it. It turns the porcelain dark brown and takes a great deal of elbow grease to get clean. I discovered a wonderful product called Zap. The tub hasn’t been this white since I was a kid and they installed running water in this house. Seriously…it’s probably some horrid chemical, but the bathroom looks great!

I have to tackle the outside next, scrub the porches, and get the kitty beds ready for cold weather. But, first…another spot of tea! ❤️

“Take a lesson from the ants, you lazybones. Learn from their ways and become wise! Though they have no prince or governor or ruler to make them work, they labor hard all summer, gathering food for the winter. But you, lazybones, how long will you sleep? When will you wake up? A little extra sleep, a little more slumber, a little folding of the hands to rest— then poverty will pounce on you like a bandit; scarcity will attack you like an armed robber.” ‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭6:6-11‬ ‭NLT‬‬

I Am Not Alone

Thu, 19 Oct 2017 01:30:16 -0600

Of all the comments I get on my blog posts, by far the most common is “It’s good to know I’m not alone.” When Mr. Virgo died, I felt like the only person on the planet. No one could possibly understand what I was feeling. I didn’t know how to find resources to help me feel better. I didn’t know who to turn to. I tried reading grief books but I couldn’t read. I couldn’t get beyond a sentence or two before my mind exploded. My family and friends were wonderful…don’t get me wrong. But I was sure even they couldn’t really get it because they hadn’t walked this particular path.

I reached out through this page as much for me as I did for you. Maybe more so. And we both found out we’re not alone in this. That was HUGE for me. Knowing others were having the same or similar experiences gave me courage.

I scroll through my files of pictures often for inspiration. Sometimes a particular photo will jump out at me and that’s the one I go with for my next post. Last night, it was this one. Mr. Virgo…big smile, twinkling eyes, and that shock of silver hair…in the afternoon sunshine at Rocky Mountain National Park on a day much like today. We had gone for a drive to view the elk and the bright yellow gold of the aspen leaves quaking in the breeze. It was a perfect day. As I scrolled through the photos and saw this one, two things happened. My heart squeezed for a few seconds. And I smiled. The smile is good. The squeeze in my heart still takes my breath away because it takes me by surprise.

I had a beautiful day yesterday. It was a day much like the one in this picture. The sky was a brilliant cerulean blue. The temperature was reasonable in the high sixties, low seventies. I was with the man that I love. We had a really busy and full day winterizing another of the four campers. Lunch out. A granddaughter’s softball game. A trip to the Piggly Wiggly. A day. Just a normal day in a life. Some would say it was nothing special. I beg to differ…it was.

Why was yesterday special? Because I get to love again. I get to look in another human being’s beautiful eyes and see love in return. Because I get to love…a lot. I get to love both of my ex-husbands and that great cowboy I dated for awhile. I get to love Mr. Virgo. And…I get to love Mr. FixIt. That is so special. I can still love all of them because I stretched my heart and made room

“I am not alone” has taken on a new meaning now. I’ll never take that for granted. ❤️

“fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” ‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭41:10‬ ‭ESV‬‬

A Perfect Fall Day!

Sun, 15 Oct 2017 01:30:56 -0600

We couldn’t have asked for a more beautiful day for football yesterday. It was HOT…about 84…and not a cloud in the sky. The stadium was sold out and the crowd was great. West Virginia clearly got our butts whipped the first half. Frustrating calls, penalty flags out the wazoo, and eleven points down definitely put a damper on things. I was thinking to myself (ok…I MAY have said it out loud) that maybe college football games weren’t my thing. Mr. FixIt looked at me and said, “It’s not over yet…you just wait.” As if he somehow held a crystal ball and knew a change was coming.

The halftime show was cool. The alumni band played because it was homecoming and they mentioned my friend Karen Nutter Ali as being the oldest alumni member playing. They crowned the homecoming king and queen. I ran into someone I knew. Then…the magic happened. The Mountaineers came out on the field looking less like an aberrant junior high school team and more like a well-oiled machine. Far less flags flew in the second half as the ’eers finally settled down and got it together. Down eleven points as they left the field at the half, they ended up trouncing Texas Tech 46-35 to win the game. They always play John Denver’s “Almost Heaven” at the end of every game but the atmosphere is electric when sung in victory. My heart swelled and I teared up as I sang along with 65,000 Mountaineer fans. It was glorious!

After the game, we joined Mr. FixIt’s family for a tailgate party. I’m just now meeting more of his family and it was great fun! The meatball sliders I made were a big hit. Here’s the recipe.

www.jessicagavin.com/grandmas-…

Note: I used three pounds of ground beef so I added a little extra of the other ingredients to compensate. I also used jar sauce but added two cans of fire-roasted diced tomatoes and about a cup and a half of diet blackberry flavored fizzy water for a sweet kick. I used packaged hot rolls from the grocery store, cut them in half, added a meatball, a little sauce, and some shredded mozzarella cheese and topped with the other half of the roll to make a little sandwich. I arranged the sliders in two disposable aluminum baking pans. I brushed the tops with a little melted butter and sprinkled the top lightly with garlic salt, covered with foil and baked them at 375 until the cheese was melted. Yield: 24 sliders. These were SO good! I’ll definitely make them again.

❤️

“Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away.” ‭‭1 Corinthians‬ ‭13:8‬ ‭ESV‬‬

An Act of Forgiveness

Fri, 13 Oct 2017 01:30:14 -0600

Disclaimer: This may be a trigger subject with some. It is dreadfully sad but it touched my heart and I wanted to share with you. It is about the Holocaust and Forgiveness.

Eva Kor was a young child when she and her twin were torn from their family upon arrival at Auschwitz, never to see them again. Under the direction of Dr. Mengele, they were both subjected to medical experiments that nearly killed them. By sheer will, they fought to survive and were liberated by Russian forces.

For fifty years, Eva held on to her position of “victim”…and rightly so. Her life had been forever altered in ways we cannot even begin to comprehend. She is all that is left of her family. As the 50th Anniversary of the liberation of Auschwitz approached, she awoke one morning with an idea. What if she could forgive someone. She was often called upon to speak and recalled a Nazi doctor that had been at Auschwitz. She had met him at a conference. She figured he may still be alive so she found his phone number and worked up the courage to call him. I’ll let you watch the video and see how she found it in her heart to forgive the most heinous of acts.

youtu.be/gdgPAetNY…

We speak a lot here about forgiveness. Anger, bitterness, and resentment are the poisons we take hoping they will affect our enemies. Our enemies don’t care if we are eaten alive inside by negative emotions. They are going on with their lives in the nature of enemies…unknowing, uncaring. If my Lord and Savior has forgiven me of my sins, who am I to not do the same? I try to love others as Jesus loves me…even when they are my enemies. Eva’s act of forgiveness took a great deal of strength and courage. She was alienated from other Holocaust survivors for forgiving the Nazis who killed millions of their fellow citizens, friends, and family members. But she didn’t care. She didn’t do it for them. She did it for herself. I am in awe of that kind of heart…that spirit of forgiveness. My petty grievances pale in comparison. ❤️

“Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful.” ‭‭Colossians‬ ‭3:12-15‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Free Spirit

Wed, 11 Oct 2017 01:30:38 -0600

Much of my life was spent trying to conform…to not be too loud, too big, too much. To fit into the mold of who I (and others whose opinions I valued over my own) thought I should be. I was a doctor’s wife. I was supposed to fit in, entertain, volunteer. I converted to Judaism. I smiled, a lot. I had a perky voice. I did the best I could. And still, things unraveled, my marriage fell apart, and it darned near killed me.

It took a long time, and a lot of therapy, to find my voice. So many times women hang their identity on a hook by the front door and become who they need to be…who they’re expected to be. I have two beautiful daughters who are wonderful adults. Honestly, I don’t know how they survived me because I was a hot mess back in the day.

Mr. Virgo was the first man to really “get” me. He was patient and listened intently and fiercely supported me. He helped me see, and really FEEL, my value. When he died suddenly, my world and my self-confidence was rocked. When I was alone on my grief journey in the wilderness and backroads of Colorado in the first few months after he died, I really understood for the first time that it’s up to me to be happy. If we search for happiness from external things, we will always be disappointed.

I had a Mr. Virgo-sized hole in my heart and a God-sized hole in my life. I couldn’t bring Mr. Virgo back, but I could…and DID…reach out to God to fill me up with a peace only He could give. My go-to scripture became “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” Over and over, through long anxiety-riddled nights, I repeated it till I believed it…till I felt it in my bones. And magically, God filled in the empty, hurting places with a golden love-light like none I had ever known.

I was telling someone yesterday…I loved Mr. Virgo with the white-hot heat of the sun. But I still never felt whole till I loved GOD with the white-hot heat of HIS Son. My light shines from within. I carry myself differently. I’m happy and content with myself and my life. And now? Now I have Mr. FixIt. I’m so glad he came into my life after I was broken open. I don’t know that we would have appreciated each other if this would have happened at any other time in our lives.

God’s timing is so perfect. ❤️

“Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? And not one of them is forgotten before God. Why, even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not; you are of more value than many sparrows.” ‭‭Luke‬ ‭12:6-7‬ ‭ESV‬‬

A Little R&R

Mon, 09 Oct 2017 01:30:27 -0600

We awoke to the sound of rain gently falling on the tin roof yesterday. What a welcome sound. Something else grabbed my attention. It was stuffy and still in the bedroom. I picked up my phone to check the temperature. No wifi. The power was out so the fan was off. This happens frequently here at the farm. I keep thinking I’ll get a generator but haven’t yet.

Old Mama Kitty curled up at my feet while I sat on the porch, watching the rain. Every time we have this moment, I wonder how much longer we’ll have her. She’s about twenty-four years old now. I love this sweet little kitty.

The persistent rain made me sleepy and I couldn’t get motivated to do much. I did put about half the stuff away in the kitchen that I had brought in from TOW-Wanda. The rest of the day was literally spent doing as little as possible. Sometimes you just need a day like that. Mr. FixIt is like the Energizer bunny. He never stops. I like to do a lot of stuff but when I need down time, I NEED down time. I sent him off to deliver a chair to his granddaughter and go bowling and I spent the afternoon/evening laying low. Just what the doctor ordered!

The only downside of having a lay low, shut in kind of day was not going to church. The only upside to that is the Warehouse Church where we attend goes live on their Facebook page every Sunday night at 7:00 so if I can’t go for some reason, I can watch the sermon from home.

Last night, Pastor Justin spoke on getting past your past. I dragged my past behind me like a sack of rotting garbage for years. I played and replayed every mistake, every misstep, every wrongdoing I ever did and berated myself for being a bad daughter, sister, wife, mother. It turns out, those were all lies…whispered into my life by the enemy. He has no power over the future, but man…does he know how to play the past. There are ways you can use the past. Learning from your mistakes and moving forward, letting the past “push” you into the person God has always intended you to be…THAT’S the only useful thing the past can give you. God uses those mistakes you made in the past to allow you to minister to others, to speak life over them, to demonstrate that you do not have to let your past define who you are. You can get past it. Powerful message. So, I got my lay low day, I had a nap under the sounds of a gentle rain on a tin roof, AND I heard a great message from God. What’s not to love about that? ❤️

“Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.” ‭‭Philippians‬ ‭3:13-14‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Losing Your Sense of Direction

Fri, 06 Oct 2017 01:30:53 -0600

There’s no quicker way to lose your inner compass than through the experience of grief. God built us to numb down so we don’t experience the loss in one gulp. I remember the first year. I was so numb from the neck up. I didn’t fully grasp what had happened to my world until the second year. THAT was the year of pain for me because I “woke up” and he was still gone. I didn’t know where to turn. I literally didn’t know which end was up. I couldn’t make intelligent choices. I couldn’t see further than today…maybe even this hour. It was terribly disconcerting to me to feel so out of control. It was terribly comforting to me when you all started writing back with things like “Yes! That’s me!” and “OMGosh! You’re in my head! How did you know?”

Losing your inner compass is normal in grief. Losing your sense of direction doesn’t just come with the loss of a loved one though. It can come with anything that shocks our sensibilities. And I can’t think of anything more shocking than the events of the last month. While I was out galavanting around, camping here and there, appearing at public events, being interviewed while flyfishing, sitting around the campfire with friends…events were taking place that were shattering our world and I was largely disconnected save for the occasional notification on my phone when I was in cell range.

Disclaimer: I’m not here to discuss politics. There are many, many sites where that is the theme. This is a safe place where we discuss grief and the things that effect it. That being said…I would be remiss if I sail along singing Kumbaya and not address the horrifying events that have hit us over and over and over the last few weeks.

Devastating hurricanes. Deadly earthquakes. Horrific mass murders. Huge breaches of electronic security. Every week…every day…it’s something. Another thing…another horror. It’s hard to feel safe in times like this when you aren’t grieving. Add the insecurity and emotional turmoil of loss to the mix and it’s so easy to lose your way…to lose direction…to lose hope.

Yes, there are political avenues that can and…in my humble opinion…should be implemented to curb events that can be curbed. I am an enigma. I am a diehard liberal Christian and Democrat with a gun. I believe in my right to carry and protect myself, my property, and my loved ones. If I need to hunt to eat, I need a weapon to do so. What I don’t need is an assault rifle, let alone forty-three of them, and I certainly don’t need one that shoots automatically. I might need a couple hundred rounds of ammo. I don’t need ten thousand. I might need some fertilizer for my garden. I don’t need enough to blow up a building. I need to protect my little corner of the world from nefarious interlopers. I’m fully aware not everyone agrees on these issues and I’m not here to debate politics or gun control or any “third rail” issue. This is a faith-based blog so I’m going to approach this from my own personal faith-based perspective.

I usually drive in silence. It’s my think time. But, occasionally I listen to a book on tape or a talk given by someone on a subject I am interested in. As events unfolded over the last month, I found myself getting upset and angry…a perfectly normal reaction to such chaos. Since losing Mr. Virgo, I’ve found it helpful to retreat within myself and become quiet and introspective in order to process additional loss. Now that I have Mr. FixIt in my life, I don’t have long stretches of time to silently contemplate my feelings, process them, and retrieve my bearings. I felt my fear grow and my frustration build to the point of lashing out at him when he did nothing but be kind and love me. I needed to fix that before it became a problem.

God always brings me what I need to walk through this path. Remember me telling you that we have to walk through fire in this life, but God throws gems down in the flames? We may not recognize the meaning of a particular gem, but we tuck it away because somewhere down the line, we’ll understand. When I was in Colorado, I went to a used book store looking for books on tape for the long drives I take traveling with TOW-Wanda. This time I found several presentations by such notables as Brené Brown, Pema Chodrin, and Joyce Meyers. I tucked them in the truck but didn’t listen to them on the trip home because Mr. FixIt was with me.

Last week I traveled up to Beaver Creek State Park and found the four hour block of time to listen to Pema Chodrin’s “Don’t Bite the Hook: Finding Freedom from Anger, Resentment, and Other Destructive Emotions”. Her basic premise boils down to finding compassion for the perpetrator. She spends the better part of three and a half hours explaining how to fight the addiction of anger and replace it with patience and compassion. Anger sits in the pit of our stomach. It’s uncomfortable and we lash out to release those pent up feelings. But, what if we allow ourselves to sit with that discomfort, recognize it as a temporary feeling, look at the person pissing us off and feel compassion? If that’s too hard, then at least just say…“OK, this person is pissing me off. I’m not biting that hook.” There is a difference between suppressing anger and diffusing it. Suppression will just place it in a pressure cooker and it becomes self-destructive. Diffusing it dissipates the energy and converts it into something self-soothing.

How does this relate to the current events in the world? Well, environmentally, these storms are getting more powerful, more frequent, and more destructive. As an environmentalist, one can get angry at politicians who refuse to believe in climate change. As one who believes this is a predictable cycle of nature, one can get angry at the “tree huggers” for leading the charge with “the sky is falling!” Earthquakes? Environmentalists are angry with the oil and gas industry for fracking and causing instability beneath the earths crust. Others are angry at such rhetoric saying the earth’s crust moves…deal with it. Mass shootings? The NRA will give you their guns when you pry them out of their cold, dead fingers as Charlton Heston so eloquently put it. Gun control advocates are angry that this just keeps happening over and over and over and nothing ever changes.

The common denominator in all of this is anger. Righteous indignation. Me against them. No one ever resolves conflict with increased conflict. The divisive nature prevalent in today’s world does nothing to diffuse anger. As a matter of fact, it seems its only point is to produce more anger and conflict. This is the work of the enemy. This is where my faith comes in. This battle has been fought for centuries and my personal belief is…the good guy wins in the end. My personal belief is…that which lives within me is more powerful than that which lives in the world. Lashing out at Mr. FixIt because I’m harboring anger over world events is counterproductive. So, how do I resolve that inner conflict? Through compassion.

How do we live out the compassion of Christ in such a dark time in this world? Turning to the Master Teacher, we can cry out for Him to teach us compassion. We can read about the ways Christ showed compassion to others…even his enemies. He touched those who were sick. Even the outcast…the untouchables with leprosy. He sought them out and ministered to them and healed them with just a touch. Race, religion, social or economic status…nothing kept Christ from touching the lives of others with love and tenderness. We can read about Jesus’ tears for the fallen. How He wept for those who refused to hear His teachings. How he asked His Heavenly Father to forgive those who crucified Him for they knew not what they were doing. That in and of itself is the ultimate display of compassion. The motivation behind all of Christ’s teachings throughout the New Testament is love and compassion.

So, how do you show compassion for someone who stands in a hotel room on the 32nd floor of a busy hotel and calmly executes 59 innocent people, wounds nearly 500, and changes the lives of thousand more…forever? For me, it comes from the realization that one does not do something like that unless they are not in their right mind. There is such evil in the world. Satan whispers into the lives and hearts of vulnerable people and leads them to do unimaginable, unspeakable things. My response is to pour out more love…to try to tip the scales of the world toward goodness and light. Not with a Pollyannaesque naïveté, but with the pure, genuine love and compassion expemplified by Jesus.

It’s a scary world. I saw Mr. FixIt’s first little greatgrandchild this week. I held this tiny, perfect little human in my hands and prayed hard that God would keep her safe in this great big place. It hits hard when a new life is placed in your hands. In the end, the left wing and the right wing belong to the same bird. We really are in this together. There is one race…the human race…and if we want to keep going, we are going to have to find a way to come together, to get along.

Ok, we went to church there…but, in my humble opinion…this world needs more light. For me, it is through Christ, who strengthens me. For others, it may be different. But by whatever means available, the answer to everything is love and compassion. ❤️

“Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.” ‭‭Colossians‬ ‭3:12-14‬ ‭NIV‬‬

My Love-Hate Relationship

Wed, 04 Oct 2017 01:30:45 -0600

“It’s part of the camping experience!” This is the justifying battle cry of the die hard camper when it comes to the subject of campfires. But I have a distinct love-hate relationship with them. I love the crackling of the wood and the shower of sparks you get when you throw another log on. I love the welcome blast of heat when the night air has chilled me to the bone. I love splitting wood and the satisfaction of seeing a plentiful stack ready for a long winter. I burned wood as my primary source of heat for four long, cold Colorado winters and I cut, hauled, split, and stacked wood for four long, hot summers. I love a wood fire. I love a wood burning stove with a pot of stew bubbling on top in a cast iron Dutch oven.

Those things I love…AND hate. I hate wasting natural resources and polluting the atmosphere. I hate the dirt and bugs you drag into your house when you burn wood. I hate spending all that time cutting, hauling, splitting and stacking only to watch all that hard work go up in smoke. And speaking of smoke….that is the number one thing I hate about a campfire. Seriously, it doesn’t matter WHERE I sit in the Sister circle around the campfire, the smoke ALWAYS comes straight at me. I get up and move…here it comes. Move back…it’ll find me. And I can’t breathe. It chokes me, hurts my lungs, burns my eyes, and I guarantee you everything I own will smell like I’ve been fighting a forest fire for a month. The worst thing is when the campfire dies down, you go to bed, and you lie there in your camper, windows open, hoping to catch a cool breeze or hear the owls, but noooooooo….in wafts this dank smell of wet ash and smoke mixed with fog and dew…creeping over the campground, up the outside wall, through the window and fills my camper. I’m forced to either close the windows and roast or leave them open and cough.

This makes me sound like a boat load of fun to go camping with, doesn’t it? I try really hard to rein it in while I’m camping with others because I truly understand the campfire is a huge part of the camping experience for most people. So I play musical chairs a lot and try not to look too ticked off when the smoke inevitably finds me. But when I’m camping alone, I pull out my propane fire ring (this is the one I use but there are others Camp Chef Compact and Portable Outdoor Camping Gas Fire Ring with Lava Rock https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01GSGSRFO/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_vAn1zbZZ9SE81 ). I set up my chair, turn that bad boy on, roast a marshmallow or two, enjoy the heat, relish in the clear air, and turn it off at the end of the evening. No smoldering ashes to worry about setting the woods on fire. No smoke laying low over the campground and sneaking into my camper. No smelly hair, clothes, bedding, etc. I swear…when Mr. FixIt kissed me goodnight…he tasted like smoke. I kissed him anyway…I’m such a martyr.

I love to camp and I love the looks and sounds of the campfire and the time shared with friends sitting around it. But if I had my druthers, I’d light up the gas fire and call it good. ❤️

“Therefore let us be grateful for receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, and thus let us offer to God acceptable worship, with reverence and awe, for our God is a consuming fire.” ‭‭Hebrews‬ ‭12:28-29‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Grandma's Spoon

Thu, 28 Sep 2017 01:30:53 -0600

Some time after Grandma died, I was visiting the farm. I was cooking and rummaged around in the utensil drawer for a wooden spoon to stir something with. I grew up using wooden spoons and have owned many over the course of my life. I love them. I love the feel of the wood in my hand. I love the way they gently rub the bottom of the pan as you stir. I’ve learned how to gauge the proper thickness of a sauce or gravy by how the liquid coats the spoon. Placed across the top of a pan, a wooden spoon will keep pasta or potatoes from boiling over. Drape a wet dishcloth over the end and you can scrub the inside of a jar or bottle. They’re very handy.

When I looked in the drawer in Grandma’s kitchen, there was a packet in the back wrapped in a flour sack dishcloth. Curious, I opened it up to find treasures. Grandma’s paring knife, potato peeler, and favorite wooden spoon had been wrapped and carefully put away. The paring knife was so thin and the blade was curved in an unnatural shape from the many times it had been run over a whetstone. The potato peeler showed wear from years and years of use. Potatoes were a staple in that house for at least two meals a day. But, it was the wooden spoon that got me. Stained red from a lifetime of making blackcap jelly, I held it in my hands as if it were fragile crystal. The end is worn flat from all the years of stirring back and forth, back and forth…making sure the sugar and pectin dissolved and the mixture didn’t scorch on the bottom of the pan. I could still see my grandma’s arthritic finger run over the jelly coating on the back of her wooden spoon. She pushed it along to see if it had reached the jell stage. Then she popped her finger in her mouth, licked it clean, and gave me a wink as she wiped her hand on her ever present calico apron over her ever present belted house dress with the hankie in the pocket. I never, ever saw her wear pants. Always a dress, with stockings, and sturdy black lace-up shoes with a sensible heel. My breath caught with the memory. I missed her so. I miss her still.

My aunt noticed my reverie and asked if I’d like to keep the spoon. I was so touched…and thrilled. It occupied a place of honor for several years on the windowsill of my Colorado kitchen. It got tucked away when I downsized and sold my house. It made its way back to that same farmhouse kitchen in West Virginia when I finally settled back here. I remember unpacking that box of special kitchen items, taking extra care that the spoon didn’t get thrown away with the packing materials.

The spoon now hangs on a pegboard over the kitchen sink. I see it every time I wash dishes and I think of my grandma and how hard she worked standing in that very spot. It’s like that wink comes all the way from heaven and I know she smiles that I am here. ❤️

“She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar. She gets up while it is still night; she provides food for her family and portions for her female servants.” ‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭31:14-15‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Two-Lane Blacktop

Wed, 27 Sep 2017 01:30:54 -0600

Yesterday was errand day. Up at dawn, I ran through my list of very important things that needed to be done for the camping trip I’m leaving on today. And, not surprisingly, there were a couple of things I forgot. Mr. FixIt to the rescue! Yet another of the many wonderful advantages of dating this good man! He stopped on his way to my place and picked my items up at the market.

Driving back home on the two-lane blacktop, I always let my mind run through the points of note along the route. There’s the State Police barracks where I took (and failed) my first driving exam. (Not my fault, mind you…there was a hole in the muffler.) There’s the county line where I got carsick when I was seven. (I have no idea why that sticks with me, but it does.) There’s the last bridge of its kind between town and the farm. (It’s a lot like the old bridge that used to be where you turn onto the country lane to drive the last few miles to the house.) There’s the old country store where we stopped for ice cream on Sunday afternoons on our way back to town. There’s the turn where I had my wreck in February. My mind takes me through every turn and hill, reliving days long gone.

One of my favorite turns brings me to a straight stretch that passes the old Nutter Farm. There’s a family cemetery on the hill across the road. Every time I drive through that stretch, I get the strangest feeling. It’s akin to the feeling you get when someone hugs you. I didn’t get to meet the particular set of great-grandparents that are buried there, but somehow I feel them when I drive by. It’s a little eerie, but comforting at the same time. My great-grandfather died in his early 30’s of a ruptured appendix and left my great-grandmother with four little boys to raise. Charlie and Sabina. I have always loved her name. Folks called her “Binie”, with a long “i”. I never knew her proper name till after my last child was born or I might have named her Sabina Rose.

I know every turn, every pothole, every hill on that road. It stretches for miles all the way back as far as I can remember. I really get John Denver’s lyrics. “Country Roads, take me home to the place I belong…West Virginia!” I love coming home when I’ve been gone a while. When you’re there every day, you don’t notice how the house smells. But when you return from a long trip, it’s truly like stepping back in time to my childhood. It smells like old wood…damp and rich. It smells like old books and worn leather…slightly stale, dusty, and tired. It smells like iron skillets and well water. But it smells like family. It smells like home. I bought a scented candle when I first moved in last year and was decidedly dismayed when all you could smell when you walked in the back door was cinnamon apples. I stopped burning it right away and was ever so relieved when the familiar aromas returned a week or two later.

I count every day here as a blessing…a gift that God has brought me. This place almost seems like my reward for having lost my sweet husband. As though God said, “You’ve suffered enough. Let the memories in these walls comfort you for a time.” I know it’s not forever…one day the house will pass from one to another and I’ll need to move on. Or, more likely, there will be that point in my life when I choose to live elsewhere. But for now…for this brief time…I will live and love and laugh in the home of my heart. And I’ll remember every nook and cranny, every squeak in the floor, every line in the worn linoleum. I’ll remember every bend in the road. ❤️

“My people will live in peaceful dwelling places, in secure homes, in undisturbed places of rest.” ‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭32:18‬ ‭NIV‬‬

I Need This Mug!

Tue, 26 Sep 2017 02:55:32 -0600

I think I finally got a handle on my possum problem here at the farm. I have been fiddling around with the cats’ feeding schedule and did some research online. I started feeding them once a day and unless they search me out asking for something in the evening, that’s all they get. By noon they aren’t eating anything anyway so I pick up their dishes and set them inside a galvanized bucket with a locking lid. Bingo! No more late night visits from a passel of possums!

I think this is the week to bring in the hummingbird feeders. We need to encourage them to move along before it gets too cold. We have two really hot days coming then the weather turns cool. We have so many leaves falling. This year they seem to have just turned brown and fallen off. Not a lot of color in my woods.

The grass is still growing. The lawn will need mowing again soon. The days are getting shorter and there is less and less light in this old holler. I changed the light up high on the barn yesterday in preparation for long, dark winter evenings. The dogwoods are full of red berries. It’s a beautiful time of year.

My talk last night was well received. They gave me a mum for my yard. I’ll cherish that. Today is prep day for tomorrow’s trip up to the campground. I think this is the last hurrah for the camping season. Always a sad thing.

Tell me about the leaves where you are! ❤️

“And God said, “Let there be lights in the vault of the sky to separate the day from the night, and let them serve as signs to mark sacred times, and days and years,” ‭‭Genesis‬ ‭1:14‬ ‭NIV‬

The Beckett Brothers

Thu, 07 Sep 2017 01:55:18 -0600

I never met them. I didn’t know them. But, I knew who they were. Everyone knew who they were. When I was a little girl, you didn’t drive anywhere in town without seeing them together…walking. They walked everywhere. They loved to travel. One would always walk about ten feet behind the other. Their determined stride would take them cross town and cross country. I’ve heard stories. “They were very wealthy…they just chose to live this way.” I don’t know the truth. I do know they called them names. “Pete and Repeat”. “Mutt and Jeff”.

In truth…they were Gerald and John. They were inseparable. They were not twins but they dressed alike. Always. One time one of them was injured and they got a wheelchair. The well one wheeled the sick one. When he finally got well, an argument ensued. The well one felt it was his turn to be pushed around but the sick one refused to give up his cushy gig. There were lots of stories. But not a lot of people coming forward with open arm to help these guys. Finally, a girl named Heather was driving buy and saw them with the wheelchair stuck in the snow and said a prayer. “Lord! Why don’t you DO something for these men.” And God answered her…“I did. I made you!” So Heather turned around, drove back, and helped the men out of the snowbank in her high heels. Thus began a loving friendship between the most unlikely of people. Heather taught her children to love the way Christ loved.

This week, Gerald died in his sleep. Heather and her family was at his side. So was John. We’ll just have to wait and see how John fairs without his brother. I pray for his comfort. I pray for Heather and her family as they make this journey with only John. Parkersburg has lost a legend, an icon. It will never be the same without them walking the streets together. ❤️

“Behold, how good and pleasant it is when brothers dwell in unity!” ‭‭Psalms‬ ‭133:1‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Sisters on the Fly

Wed, 06 Sep 2017 01:55:09 -0600

What is Sisters on the Fly?

It’s the world’s largest outdoor adventure group for women. We have affected the lives of over 9,000 women from around the world. Our motto is “We have more fun than anyone!” And it’s true! Sister gatherings are jam packed with fun and we turn women into girls.

What do the Sisters do at their gatherings?

We do a number of things! Some of us fly fish. Some ride horses or mountain bikes. We love to go junkin’ and eat great food. Some hike. Some play and listen to music. Whatever floats your boat. And speaking of floating your boat, we are going to ride the sternwheeler on the Ohio River over to visit the Blennerhassett Mansion this week. We love to eat so we’re going to have an old fashioned weenie roast. My Pop-Pop whittled the end of sharp sticks for roasting weenies and marshmallows. We’ll serve them the WV way with sauce and slaw. We are playing music and listening to music and maybe even clog dance. Sisters will try just about anything!

How can I be a Sister?

You can have more fun that anyone by heading over to www.sistersonthfly.com and signing up. Dues are $70 a year and there are gatherings of every interest all around the globe.

What kind of women become Sisters on the Fly?

Bold women. Shy women. Women with campers. Women with tents. Women who prefer the lodge or a fine hotel or a cabin. Single women. Taken women. Married women. Widowed women. Young women. Old women. Key word is Women. No men. (Sorry, guys!) No kids. (Sorry, kids!) and, no pets.

These gals love to eat! I shopped yesterday. Such a wise shopper I have become. This big grocery cart ended up costing $150! I was impressed. We will see how the menu and activities go over. I’ve done the planning, the shopping and the prep. As my friend V says…it’s time for the fun! ❤️

“Her ways are ways of pleasantness, and all her paths are peace.” ‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭3:17‬ ‭ESV‬‬

(Photos from older Sisters on the Fly gatherings.)

Flatfootin' to the Fiddle

Mon, 04 Sep 2017 01:55:32 -0600

Y’all remember I came to West Virginia in October of 2014 to live on the family farm and help my elderly aunt. That lasted ten weeks and she decided she didn’t rightly think she wanted anyone extra around and I graciously bowed out. That’s when I moved around in my camper…first at the river then out to Colorado, South Dakota, Tennessee and all parts in between. I spent the better part of two years as a gypsy of sorts…writing, speaking, and healing my broken heart.

That same aunt gave me a fiddle after my grandma died in 1999. She left it on the bed without fanfare. When I went to bed that night and saw the fiddle, I sat on the edge of my bed, cradling it, running my fingers over the worn wooden frets…tears streaming down my face. I remembered that fiddle well. I was a very little girl. My great grandfather, a moose of a man, was at the farm. He and my uncle and my Pop-Pop built the basement and rolled the old house down over the foundation on long well casing pipes from an oilfield. My uncle loves to tell me that story and I listen and laugh every time as if it were my first hearing.

They had to jack the house up to put the pipes under. The new basement was slightly downgrade and they didn’t want it to take off and get away from them. They wrapped a chain around the pipe and attached a huge pipe wrench for leverage. Murphy’s Law tells you what happened next. The house did indeed start rolling and the only thing that stopped it from shooting off the other side of the basement was that wrench. The handle had been driven about two feet into the ground and worked like a brake.

My great grandpa had gone down in the basement to monitor things from below and tell my uncle when the house was over the new foundation. When it took off, Grandpa start yelling to “Make ’er stop, boys! Make ’er stop!” There weren’t any steps in place yet, so as soon as my uncle had the house secure, he ran to the basement doorway and hollered for my grandpa. “I stopped ’er!” Grandpa cried. “By golly, I stopped ’er, boys!”

My uncle shinnied down a ladder into the basement and there was Grandpa, wedged up between the floorboards of the first floor and the pipe! Seems he deemed it a good idea to tie a stout rope to that pipe and tie the other end around his waist so he could “stop ’er”. Well, the rope wound up around the pipe and drew him right up like a bucket from a well. Thank God that wrench caught or that would have been the end of Grandpa!

Soon after the house was secured to the new foundation, the stairs were built, and they added a front porch and poured a concrete slab for the back porch and the new bathroom that was being added. One summer night, after all the work had been done, my Pop-Pop pulled out the old fiddle and played “Turkey in the Straw”. My great grandpa grabbed a walking stick, stuck his bowler hat jauntily on the top is his head, and started flatfoot dancing on the porch. I will never, ever forget the deep thrill I got watching that scene unfold before me as I clapped my hands with the beat.

I’ve always wanted to learn to flatfoot dance…also called clogging, or Apache dancing. I’ve watched countless videos but haven’t seemed to get it right. One of these days I will take a lesson and finally learn. This is the week I am hosting a Sisters on the Fly event here in West Virginia and I am so excited to showcase our state and its fine traditions. We’re having an old-fashioned weenie roast and we’ll churn ice cream. We’re going on a sternwheel ride on the Ohio River. We’re touring two mansions and an abandoned oil and gas boom town. And, we’re having a catered barbecue. Our entertainment is a young banjo player named Jake Eddy. He’s bringing some friends for some Old Time Jammin’…that front porch informal style typical of performers who sit around after shows and play for the sheer enjoyment. At this point, he hasn’t been able to find a fiddle player but he’s hoping he can get one. So do I!

I’ve added a link to some great flatfoot dancing if you are interested. This is going to be a tremendously busy week for me so you may not hear much from me till the 10th or 11th. I’ll touch base but probably won’t have time to write my usual daily essay. This is going to be great fun so hang on for pictures, video, or quick stories. ❤️

youtu.be/xyqcHMPa1…

“You have turned for me my mourning into dancing; you have loosed my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness,” ‭‭Psalms‬ ‭30:11‬ ‭ESV‬‬

The Good Ol' Days

Sun, 03 Sep 2017 01:55:44 -0600

We were taking a break yesterday when Mr. FixIt started reading a story in Goldenseal Magazine. The Goldenseal has been around since 1975 and is published four times a year. It has wonderful stories about traditional life in West Virginia. And, since I’m living a pretty traditional life, I really love that magazine. The story that caught Mr. FixIt’s attention was about a clothespin factory in Richwood, WV. That got me thinking about all the clotheslines of my life.

We always had clotheslines. The metal T-shaped poles were anchored in the ground with cement and lasted till they rusted through. We’d have to go out with a wire brush and a can of Rustoleum and paint them every other summer or so. Ours were always silver but the last time I painted them at the farm, I used black. I remember as a child, the clotheslines themselves were woven…a kind of rope-like material. Another was a thick aluminum wire that created a wiggly clothesline that never straightened out. Then, as we got older and the plastic generation set in, the lines were white, hollow tubes that pinched shut with the spring-hinged clothespins. Later came the plastic covered cable lines. Once we got away from the rope lines, you had to take a wet rag out and run it up and down the clothesline to clean them or else you got black stuff on your clean clothes. At least you did in the chemical-laden Mid-Ohio Valley where I grew up. (Our bare feet would be black with the fallout from Union Carbide!)

The early clothespins were the peg ones then came the clip on kind with the spring hinge. I liked the peg ones because I would pretend they were dolls. I’d dress them up with pieces of material from Grandma’s scrap bag. I’d draw faces on them and, if we had any glue around, I might even give them some yarn hair. We always had a clothespin bag that hung out on the clothesline. It had a hole in the side where you reached in and grabbed a few pins and stuck them in your mouth to use as you needed them. You had to watch because sometimes wasps, or even birds, would make nests in the bags.

When you finished hanging your laundry, the wet clothes often made the lines so heavy, they stretched down and the clothes brushed the ground. In order to keep your clothes clean, you used a long pole with a nail in the side near one end and hooked up you clothesline, propping it up high. Hanging clothes in Colorado was awesome because it’s so dry there, a load would be ready to bring in, fold, and put away in an hour or two. Not so in West Virginia. The humidity of summer would make laundry turn into an all-day affair. And you’d better not get distracted and let the rain get on them or leave them out too late till they gathered the dew or you’d be doing the same clothes over the next day.

Clothes that are hung dry aren’t nice and soft like the ones that come out of a dryer. They are stiff and scratchy. I hated to use towels that dried on the line. But sheets dried in the sun are heavenly! They smell so wonderful…like sunshine and Ivory Snow. Men wore work clothes when I grew up. Khaki, green, or blue…heavy cotton twill. They had to be put on wire pants stretchers to put a crease in them. That made ironing easier because most of the wrinkles were flattened out. Yes…I said ironing. Most of you have done exactly what I’m talking about. But some may not have, so I’ll continue.

Ironing. The BANE of my existence as a child. My mom worked outside of the home once I was in school, so as soon as we were old enough to stay home alone, laundry and cooking and cleaning house became my daily routine. We didn’t have the luxury of using a dryer routinely. It was only used during the winter or very rainy days. All other times, Dad’s work clothes, our dresses, and my brother’s shirts and trousers had to be ironed. We had a “sprinkler”…a water bottle with a small perforated head on it that we would sprinkle the clothes if they were very dry and stiff. Then we would fold them, put them in a bushel basket with an oilcloth liner to hold in the moisture, cover them with a towel and come back to them an hour or so later. Before I came along, starch had to be cooked and added to the rinse water to give clothes a really crisp finish and nice, sharp creases. Once I was old enough to iron, we had spray starch in cans.

Who remembers the load you forgot in the washer for a day or two? Oh, that smelled SO bad and you would often get mildew stains that never came out, no matter how hard you scrubbed. You were in big trouble if you forgot a load and ruined clothes.

Grandma had wringer washers. I loved them, but I was not allowed to use them when I was little. They were dangerous because you could get your hand caught in them and get hurt. I remember how excited grandma was when my uncle brought her a good wringer washer…long after she had an automatic set in the bathroom. She missed the old way. She thought it cleaned better. I’d love to have a good wringer washer but the water in the basement doesn’t work like it used too. Too many years of hard water corroding those old pipes. I’d be afraid the spigot would break off in my hand.

I still have my mom’s clothespins. They are in a copper bucket I bought many years ago. I put it on top of the jelly cupboard here at the farm. Mom’s pins got mixed up with my own, but I can pretty much tell which ones I used as a child. I found Grandma’s clothespin bag hanging in the stairwell going down into the basement so I hung it in the kitchen on a child’s wooden coat hanger I found in an antique store last year. I think this is why I love Rural King so much. They carry so many things that we used “back in the day”. It reminds me of “simpler times”, even though we worked harder. Not nearly as hard as my grandparents, but certainly harder than the average kids of today.

The last picture is the clothesline in the backyard in front of the hydrangea bush. You can see a couple old clothespins…weathered and nearly deteriorated to slivers. I won’t remove them. Maybe my grandma left them there when she brought in a dish towel or two…or something she rinsed out by hand. Surely my Uncle Bob had cleaned the line with an old rag. I’m sentimental about things. There are clotheslines along the side of the house. There’s one on the front porch and one on the back for hanging things when it’s raining. Then there’s this one that runs from the back porch to the cherry tree. That one I don’t use. That one reminds me…of my loved ones long since gone. Of the halcyon days of summer when I thought life was SO hard because I had to hang clothes and iron and cook supper for my family. Of the “Good Ol’ Days”. ❤️

“The soul of the sluggard craves and gets nothing, while the soul of the diligent is richly supplied.” ‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭13:4‬ ‭ESV‬‬

An Unlikey Pair

Sat, 02 Sep 2017 01:55:28 -0600

I’ve been living on the farm a little over a year now. It went so fast, yet…as with many things…it seems so much longer. Not long after I got settled in, I began to notice an odd pair of friends at the house down the road. You never see one without the other and I cannot help but smile when I see them. They never leave the yard, wandering about nibbling up bugs and grass.

I don’t know the story behind these two. The family who lives there lost their mom several years ago so it’s just the guys on their own. They all work a lot and the house and grounds seem to be well cared for, but I rarely see anyone….just the turkey and the duck.

As Mr. FixIt and I drove to town yesterday, I asked him to stop in the rain so I could take their picture. As soon as the car stopped, the turkey laid down. The duck never moved from the turkey’s side, but he set to squawking like crazy to let me know he didn’t like the intrusion. We sat by the road and talked to them for a bit then moved on. We forgot something and had to go back to the house and when we came back down the road, the fowl confab had moved behind the house to eat uninterrupted.

I thought about this pair all the way to town and wondered…Why can’t we ALL just get along like that? Those two don’t know they’re different. They just like each other’s company. Now, I’m not going to get into a political discussion. I’m not “choosing sides”. I just think we could take a lesson or two from this turkey and duck. We only have one race…the human race. We only have one life…this one. We are being divided and I’m not sure by whom. Media? Politicians? Special interest groups? Who know…who cares? I just want to love my fellow man like this duck loves this turkey.

God created us all. He gave us the rule book. We can’t do this divided. The enemy wants us to fail. And if he can get us to do his dirty work for him and make us destroy each other…well, that’s just icing on the cake. Shine your light, people. Walk out in faith and fight for truth and justice….for all! ❤️

“Do we not all have one Father? Did not one God create us? Why do we profane the covenant of our ancestors by being unfaithful to one another?” ‭‭Malachi‬ ‭2:10‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Words

Fri, 01 Sep 2017 01:55:56 -0600

I have seldom been at a loss for words. My mom always said I had “the gift of gab”. I was always a little insulted by that because I was sure she was saying “You talk too much!” Ok…I’ll have to admit…I do have a lot to say. About everything.

Some of my very best writing has come from my very deepest pain. As difficult as it was to go through, that kind of writing is actually a whole lot easier than writing from a place of joy. Of peace. Of love. Writing from pain is cathartic. It releases energy and the words have a life of their own. Someone told me I had “lost my focus” a little while after I introduced Mr. FixIt to the story. That has niggled at me ever since. She’s right…in a way. But not in the way she thinks.

Here’s the thing. I was driving to the farm last night after spending a lovely day in town. I am putting some finishing touches on the event I am hosting next week for the Sisters on the Fly. Between that, the trip to Colorado, the trailer breaking down, the return trip to get it, catching up with stuff around the farm, the Centennial Celebration at my high school, and nurturing a new love relationship…I haven’t been keeping my focus where it belongs. Not on grief, but on God. I was driving along that twisty turny two lane and started talking to Him. Then I realized…I hadn’t been keeping Him at the center of my life for a little while. I took my focus off for just a moment and that led me down a path I don’t like. Peter was walking on water toward Jesus when he took his eyes off Him…and sank immediately.

I had a long discussion with God…it’s a forty-five minute ride, you know. I made my apologies and I’ll try to do better. Because everything is better when I keep God at the center of my life. My relationships. My writing. My life. It has to be more than just lip service, this profession of faith. Keeping that fire in my belly keeps me from drowning…and keeps my words flowing. ❤️

““Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.” “Come,” he said. Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!” Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?” And when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down. Then those who were in the boat worshiped him, saying, “Truly you are the Son of God.”” ‭‭Matthew‬ ‭14:28-33‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Photo Credit: Shutterstock

Forgiveness

Mon, 28 Aug 2017 01:55:55 -0600

We had a guest speaker at church yesterday and man…did he deliver! So here we go…it’s time for some Monday Morning Motivation. We’re going to church.

Forgiveness. Such a simple word that is packed full of power. We all need forgiveness for something. Something we’ve done that has hurt others. Hurt ourselves. Or maybe, something we did in the dark that no one knows about. Thing is….someone knows. Someone always knows. You know. And God knows.

“would not God discover this? For he knows the secrets of the heart.” ‭‭Psalms‬ ‭44:21‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Our guest pastor was Pace Hartfield of Coeur d’Alene, Idaho. He tells a story of the first night his father let him drive his mother’s brand new car when he turned sixteen. There was just one caveat…he was not to leave town. So, of course, he left town. And had an accident. He had hoped to leave his dad in the dark, cruise 22nd Street with his homey, Andy, and get back with his dad none the wiser. But the deed was exposed. There was the damage to the car. And the police report. There was no way around it. Pace’s dad didn’t yell at him. He didn’t beat him. He grounded him. He also informed him he had lost his father’s trust. He would have preferred the beating, I am sure.

How many time have we lost the trust of others by our deeds? How many others have trespassed against us and we have lost our trust in them? As Pace pointed out so eloquently, forgiveness requires exposure. And that exposure creates vulnerability. Oh, we hate feeling vulnerable, don’t we? We can get stuck in that exposure and vulnerability and feel shame without forgiveness. It is the forgiveness that sets us free. That frees others. Who have you literally held hostage for years by not forgiving them?

The guest pastor spoke of the woman who was caught in the act of adultery. The religious leaders tried to set Jesus up by bringing the woman before him in the temple where he was teaching. They were loud and raucous and challenged Jesus to do something with her. Instead, he ignored them and stopped down to write in the sand. The leaders were outraged and became even louder. Jesus quietly stood up and said, “Let he who is without sin, cast the first stone.” He then went back to writing in the sand. One by one, the leaders left without stoning the woman till they were left alone in the temple. Jesus knew what she had done. But he loved her anyway. He did not condone what she had done, and instead offered her forgiveness and sent her on her way with the admonishment to “Go and sin no more.”

We all sin. We all make mistakes. We feel guilt and shame. But we are forgiven and we are loved. Forgiveness sets us free from the bondage we place on ourselves, on others, by others. I often quote Maya Angelou…“We do what we know and when we know better, we do better.” Well, sometimes we know better and we do it anyway. Yet, still…we are loved and forgiven by a good, good Father. Our work here is to love and forgive in the same way. ❤️

“The eyes of the LORD are everywhere, keeping watch on the wicked and the good.” ‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭15:3‬ ‭NIV‬‬

A Family...of Sorts

Sun, 27 Aug 2017 01:55:05 -0600

For a class as huge as ours, my high school classmates are extraordinarily close. We have a bond seldom seen in a graduating class. I’m not sure why but classes before and after have reported they aren’t nearly as close as ours. The gals gather every month for coffee therapy and every other month or so, we have a class dinner. Then at the end of summer, we have a class picnic which is always well attended. Yesterday was our picnic and around thirty of our classmates gathered for three hours of fun. We’re starting to see more health issues, more deaths. But we are also seeing joyful achievements and the first arrivals of great grandchildren. Ok, we’re WAY too young for the great grandchildren thing….just sayin’! This particular group that gathered seem more like family, than classmates. When one hurts, we all hurt. There’s not much we wouldn’t do for each other. I love that closeness we have.

This week our high school celebrates its 100th birthday. There will be ceremonies. Our football team won on Friday. The big thing I’m looking forward to is a gathering of the Alumni A Capella Choir to sing in a concert Tuesday night. I was in choir all through high school but did not get selected for A Capella Choir…a rather elite bunch who sang beautifully.

After the class picnic and some errands, Mr. FixIt and I stopped to get a cold drink. As we left, we saw a sign…Earthstock. Our local health food store, owned and operated by one of our classmates, has had an annual customer appreciation picnic for over thirty years at a private park overlooking the river. We went and listened to some really great music and ate even MORE food. A couple errands later and we were headed back to the farm. It’s been crazy busy, and September is going to be even crazier. I’m looking forward (a little) to some slower, less frantic days. Maybe October! ❤️

“Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.” ‭‭John‬ ‭15:13‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Back on the Farm

Sat, 26 Aug 2017 01:55:41 -0600

It’s been a year since I put down roots here on the family farm. Well, as deep a root as I can put and not own property. What a remarkable year! I battled fleas, painted walls, mowed, trimmed, pruned, cleaned, sorted, dehumidifier, and about scared myself to death that I had ruined the well or burned up the pump. I’ve learned to stop letting grief steal my joy. I’ve learned to let go of the fear of loss and clear out enough room in my life to accommodate the love of a sweet man. I’ve spoken in front of crowds, large and small. I started blogging for Sisters on the Fly as well as here on Marshmallow Ranch. I bought a vintage camper to fix up. I’ve been to Colorado twice, Florida twice, the Outer Banks, Tennessee, Savannah, Amish Country, and a fun trip to a WVU basketball game. I’ve been to concerts galore…Garth Brooks, SHEL, Brandy Carlisle to name a few. I’ve camped at some pretty cool places. I’ve been interviewed for podcasts and articles. I’ve lost some people in one way or another and I’ve gained more. I spent some wonderful time with my family. I’ve grown stronger in my faith. And I fell in love. All in one year! Whew!

We got home from the trip to Indiana and It was almost dark. I had to back this camper up into the driveway and it was more challenging as the light faded. I got it in ok and Mr. FixIt was a real trooper coaching me along. He filmed it. It might be funny…I don’t know. I haven’t taken the time to look at it yet.

We are going to a class picnic today so as soon as I walked in last night, I mixed up a yellow cake to bake. I’ll make Penuche Frosting this morning so it’s nice and fresh. I looked through Grandma’s notebook hoping to find her recipe but it wasn’t there. Her Brown Sugar Pie recipe was though. I’ll have to make that soon…it’s wonderful!

As I sat and wrote this, Mr. FixIt asked if I could hear the owl. I couldn’t until I went to the front door. I recorded it for you and posted it last night so be sure you catch it. It’s the Eastern Screech Owl we heard the other evening on our walk. Oh…we visited with the neighbor down the road he other evening. He had a health scare while we were in Colorado and I was so happy to see him out working in his garden! It’s just another reminder how uncertain life is.

If you are in Texas, or have loved ones there, you are in my prayers. Please check in and let us know how you’re doing.

Yes…it’s been an amazing year on the farm, hasn’t it? Big things, little things, fun things, scary things. But we made it through. We’ll keep on keeping on and I’ll keep telling you these stories about this crazy, beautiful life I am privileged to lead. Thank you all for being here! ❤️

“and having a reputation for good works: if she has brought up children, has shown hospitality, has washed the feet of the saints, has cared for the afflicted, and has devoted herself to every good work.” ‭‭1 Timothy‬ ‭5:10‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Back to Business as Usual? Not so Fast!

Tue, 22 Aug 2017 01:55:18 -0600

Ok, move along…nothing to see here. Just a boxer in some goggles…looking uber cool, I might add! This is Chloe. I met her and her human, Kelly, at Point Park yesterday. All weekend I’d been poo-pooing this whole eclipse madness as though the entire world had gone ‘round the bend. I was on my way back to the farm yesterday…fully intending to go home and mow, when I got a call that something I was having repaired was ready for pickup. I hadn’t gone far out the two-lane so I turned around and headed back. Mr. FixIt called and when he found out where I was, he came to join me. (Mr. FixIt would crawl through glass to see me. He told me so. ?) So, there we were, nothing to do, with a nearly total eclipse about to occur. And…I went silly!

I asked the clerk for a couple pieces of paper. I got a manila envelope with a large hole for the clasp. And, I punched a smaller one in it with an earring post. Whatever works, right? We took off for McDonalds to arm ourselves with cold drinks and headed for Point Park. It was hot! The light started to change. I wasn’t getting the right distance to get a clear picture with the pinhole projector I had jury rigged. There was a couple standing next to us that offered to share their eclipse glasses. A few others gathered. And for one glorious hour, we were treated to a taste of what life was like in the olden days. You know…pre-election. We had an awesome goal…share a cool experience and have fun! And then it hit me. THAT’S what the whole over-the-top, staggeringly silly, brouhaha was all about…these mega gatherings. We just wanted an escape. A reminder of our humanity. A reminder there is peace and goodness and kindness in the world. It filled me with hope of brighter days ahead.

We have the power to turn this around…this sense of frustration and fear. It’s all about focus. What we focus on is what we see. Yesterday it was the sun. Today…what will it be? For me? I’m looking for joy. Joy created by others. And joy which I can create. C’mon…let’s change the story. Let’s go do the good stuff. Look at Chloe, The Boxer. She changed the story with a pair of shades! ❤️

“Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.” ‭‭Philippians‬ ‭2:4‬ ‭ESV‬

My Hometown

Thu, 17 Aug 2017 01:55:11 -0600

There was a time in my life when I didn’t think much of my home town. I considered it terribly backwoods in comparison to the metropolis of Denver. To my chagrin, I recall making disparaging comments about Parkersburg, and West Virginia in general to anyone and everyone. It’s a wonder they didn’t revoke my home state status and mark me down as “hatched from under a rock”. What can I say? I never rebelled as an adolescent. I saved it all for long after I should have known better.

I remember making such comments to one of my oldest, dearest friends. We went to high school together and we’re “sisters of different parentage”. As a matter of fact, when I went off to live outside London for two years then settled in Denver, it was my high school friend who kept a close, personal friendship with my mom. She was a much better daughter to her in those days than I was. When I spoke ill of my fellow Mountaineers and this Wild and Wonderful state, she had some pretty stern words to say to me.

“You just remember where you came from, missy. I knew you when you had nothing, just like me!”

Oh, she was so right. I was feeling pretty full of myself…a doctor’s wife and all. Like…small town girl does good. I was an ass. Plain and simple. And I’ve done my best to make up for it. As Maya Angelou said…“We do what we know. And when we know better, we do better.” These last three years, I’ve spent more time in West Virginia than I had in all of the forty years prior. I’ve grown to love and appreciate this rugged state filled with can-do, sturdy individuals. I still get frustrated sometimes when I see progress thwarted at every turn. But maybe staying a little backward is ok. Yeah, we have been hit hard with drug problems. Poverty, obesity, poor education run rampant. Plants and mines closing down. Towns with nothing for kids to do but make more kids that do nothing. But, at the base, there is this amazing depth of pride for coming up through the hard times and standing tall when they play the National Anthem at the Friday night football games at every high school in every county. The mountains run through our veins like the coal beneath our feet and we are a fiercely proud, fiercely independent, fiercely loyal group of people.

Last night, as Mr. FixIt and I sat and watched the sun set over the Ohio River at Fort Boreman Park, we looked out over this town we grew up in. You could see where the houses sat on Quincy Hill where Mr. FixIt grew up. You could see Ohio across the river. I snapped photo after photo, trying to capture for you the essence of West Virginia…of Parkersburg…of my home town. In the end, it is in the peaceful colors of the setting sun that I see the famous blue and gold…West Virginia’s colors. And I realized that we are the river and the sky, the mountains and the valleys, the wooded hillsides and the amber fields. We will always be here. Montani Semper Liberi…Mountaineers are always free. ❤️

“Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.” ‭‭2 Corinthians‬ ‭3:17‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Curiosity

Wed, 16 Aug 2017 01:05:28 -0600

You know what they say about curiosity…it killed the cat! I don’t know what Kitty Boy was after, but something sure had his attention yesterday. This old stump is what’s left of a poplar tree my Pop-Pop planted when I was a teenager. Poplars grow fast, tall, and straight as an arrow but they are pretty fragile in a storm. Long after Grandma died, my aunt was living here alone and a bad storm blew up. She said that poplar tree was twisting in a circle and she was just sure it was going to come down on the house so the next time her brother came, she had him cut it down. I understand why, but it broke my heart to see it gone. Thoughtfully, they left a tall stump and we use it for the rain gauge…and occasional cat perch. I noticed as I sat and wrote this last night, the rain gauge needs emptying. It’s at five inches. It hasn’t been emptied since before I left for Colorado in early July. I’m sure there has been some evaporation, but I know we had a lot of rain while I was gone.

I noticed when I was mowing yesterday that the creek banks are eroding a lot this year. I pointed it out to Mr. FixIt last night. We’re going to have to line the banks with heavy stones to keep the creek from eating out into the yard and into the foundation of the house. The new dehumidifier is doing a great job and has reduced the humidity in the basement from 75% to 45-50%. That makes the whole house feel more comfortable. This house was built in the early 1930’s. And it was a cheaply made one, at that. The rough sawn timber siding has shrunk over the years and there are now gaps of nearly an inch between them. It has the original tin roof. The walls in the upstairs bedrooms are made of what looks like a stiff corrugated cardboard with several layers of wallpaper accumulated over the years. The basement is unfinished and damp and could use a good coating of a waterproofing product. There’s just a boatload of work that should be done, but here it sits…held together with spit and love.

I was blessed that my friend Charlotte mowed for me while I was gone. It rained the last several days though so I couldn’t mow till yesterday. I swear I could have used a bailer on it! It was still pretty wet and the grass clumped up bad as I mowed. It kept clogging up the grass chute and I’d have to stop, turn off the mower, clear it out, and start up again. It was in the 90’s yesterday and I had to keep taking breaks. It took five attempts to get the yard done and I didn’t even attempt the area up by the barn. I don’t have a rake here. Well, there may be one up in the barn somewhere but this is snake and spider season so if it’s up there, there it’s staying for now. Mr. FixIt called before he headed to the farm yesterday and I asked if he could bring me a rake. He had to kind of piece one together from parts but it’ll do. As I am writing this, he is out in the yard, raking up those ugly clumps of wet grass so they don’t kill spots in my yard. What a good man!

It sounds like a lot of work, doesn’t it? This farm…this old house…this home of my heart. It is. Things are always breaking or fumbling but I fix them and move on. Yesterday it was the water. I was running a bath and it was sputtering and sent bits of black sediment from the hot water heater. It’s old and fragile. I flushed it out for a while, checked the pump, and checked the heater itself. I think it was from sitting dormant for a month. After I flushed it out it seemed fine. Yes, there’s a lot to do, and it is hard work. But, I wouldn’t trade this experience for anything. Farm living suits me. It’s brought a pride into my life I felt lacking most of my adulthood. The kind of pride that comes with working hard and going to bed tired, and happy. ❤️

“Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart.” ‭‭Psalm‬ ‭37:4‬ ‭NIV‬‬

A Change in the Air

Tue, 15 Aug 2017 01:55:29 -0600

Even though it is only the middle of August, there is a definite change in the air. There are leaves changing already and the woods have taken on the “tired green” of late summer, having spent their glorious stores of chlorophyll in the peak of summer. Yesterday dawned cloudy and relatively cool and soon the sky gifted us with a gentle rain that lasted most of the day. So much for mowing the lawn.

I’m sitting on the front porch at the farm as I write this, watching the goldfinches fight over the socks of thistle seeds. Boy Cat and Old Mama Kitty are keeping me company as I listen to the rain pattering on the leaves in the nearby woods. The sun is trying to break through and make its first appearance of the day, just shy of 5:00. Since I couldn’t mow, I drove to town and ran errands. I am hosting a Sisters on the Fly event September 7-10 and I needed to make arrangements. I have 23 women signed up so far and registration is still open if you would like to attend.

I felt much better today…stronger, better rested. I have been thinking about triggers and how they stimulate the grief response. At first, everything is a trigger. When you are in the acute stages of grief, your feelings are like a frayed electric cord, ready to shock you at the slightest touch. After some time, things even out a bit but it is still amazing how the tiniest thing can trigger grief. When you’ve had a long stretch without a meltdown, you can get a little complacent, thinking maybe you’re through all that. So it kind of takes you by surprise when a new wave comes. That was what I felt over the weekend.

As I was driving through town yesterday, I was coming up to a stoplight when I heard an ambulance approaching. I stopped and waited for it to come through from my left and make the turn towards the hospital. There was an elderly man seated in the front passenger seat and I suddenly flashed back to the ambulance ride taking Mr. Virgo to the ER from the RV dealership where he had his heart attack. I hadn’t thought about that drive for quite some time. For a brief moment, my eyes met those of the man in the front seat and I recognized that panicked and confused look on his face. There was a slight set of the jaw that was familiar. “Ok, ok, ok….let’s get this done. Be strong. Just breathe.” At least, that’s what went through my mind when I was in his shoes.

I didn’t have a reaction to this trigger. I was prepared. It’ll be a while before I have another grief response, I imagine. I’m a bit more on guard now. That’s a relief of sorts. I hate when the wave comes unexpectedly. For now, I’ll sit on the porch and watch the rain as the light changes and the hummingbirds fight over the feeder…and wait for Mr. FixIt to call so I can start supper. History repeats itself and life goes on. ❤️

“And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful.” ‭‭Colossians‬ ‭3:15‬ ‭ESV‬‬

When Darkness Calls

Mon, 14 Aug 2017 01:55:05 -0600

I have some really great friends who look out for me. They each seem to have a role. My longest term friend “feels” when something is wrong and she needs to reach out right away. Others send articles for my reference and give me a heads up when I have a typo in a post. They know I cannot STAND typos. One sends me the funniest memes I have ever seen on the internet and spends equal time kicking me in the butt when I need it…which is more often than you may imagine. My old high school chum, Marion, sent me an excellent article the other day about what the first year of widowhood was like for Jodi of the blog Extra Grace Required. She listed the important things she learned that first year. If memory serves, I’ve written a few of those missives myself. We live and we learn and we grow as we crawl our way along on this grief journey.

Just because I have found new love, doesn’t mean I have miraculously “gotten over” the loss of Mr. Virgo. It means I’ve grown. It means my heart has healed enough to make room for more love in my life. It certainly does NOT mean I never have a bad day or have sad feelings. And here’s what’s most important. My bad days or my sad feelings have absolutely nothing to do with my love for Mr. FixIt. It’s complicated loving two men…one here, one not quite so much. It’s easy to love this wonderful man I’ve known almost as long as I can remember. I just have to incorporate a lot of feelings at once which is made more difficult when I’m tired and not feeling up to par.

One of the things Jodi noticed after her first year is, she feels the grief of others more easily. Before loss, grief is sad, you feel bad for the one who has lost a loved one, you have your own feelings to sort out about your relationship with the departed. But, once it has happened so close to home that your heart has literally been ripped out of your chest, the grief of others is not so easily compartmentalized. Someone close to me lost a son-in-law this summer. I spoke to the widow on the phone Saturday, giving some support, acknowledging feelings, commiserating, feeling. When she broke down into those guttural cries I still remember so vividly, my heart squeezed tight, my throat closed, my stomach churned, I got hot and sweaty, my fight or flight response kicked in big time. I held it together. I didn’t crumble….until late in the night. I couldn’t go to sleep. My head was pounding and my heart ached for this young woman who is so new in this journey. I tossed and turned. I used my Rescue Remedy. When sleep wouldn’t come, I changed course and walked around the dimly lit house until I felt I could settle down. I finally slept, but didn’t feel much better when I awoke.

So, it was one of THOSE days. Out of sorts. Off my feed. I didn’t even want coffee…gasp! It was a tea and oatmeal and crackers and lay low kind of day. Not exactly a day spent mattress-surfing, but close. The best part was…Mr. FixIt was there to offer comfort and support and love. He was totally nonjudgmental. He is a remarkable man. He just listened and held me and that’s all I needed. After a while, I was feeling better. Not fine, but ok. I sent him home to do whatever he needed to do for the afternoon and I settled in with my thoughts and processed.

Process.. That’s what this whole thing is. It doesn’t matter if it’s one year or five years or twenty-five…grief is a process. It doesn’t always hit me like this anymore…thank God. The biggest lesson I’ve learned in all of this is, when the wave hits, don’t fight it. Let it carry you to a place of self-discovery and love. And when you’re ready, dust yourself off, wash your face, and get back to the business of living. Because, that’s what we’re here for. ❤️

extragracerequired.com/2017/03/2…

“For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” ‭‭Romans‬ ‭8:38-39‬ ‭NIV‬‬

West Virginia Date Night

Sun, 13 Aug 2017 01:55:16 -0600

I remember a time when “date night” involved a little black dress and makeup. But let me tell you, a trip to Lowe’s or Rural King will do just fine, thank you very much. Last night was date night. We started out with a trip to the mall to run a couple errands and walk some laps. Sitting in the truck too much the last few weeks has taken its toll on my fitness level. We tried to eat at our favorite BBQ place but the wait was over an hour so we went for a quick bite at Qdoba. Then we headed for Rural King. Oh, I love that place! We had to clean out the bird seed barrel yesterday and throw the old seed out. It was filled with thousands of weevils. Something took off with my big bird feeder…raccoons more than likely but it could have been a bear. I got a new feeder and fresh seed. I also bought a handheld infrared thermometer to monitor my hub temps when I get TOW-Wanda back. That was a very expensive lesson.

We went to Walmart and bought a dehumidifier for the basement so I can reduce the humidity in the farmhouse. I’ve washed all the surfaces that had mold and mildew from being closed up while we were gone. I used a bleach solution to kill the spores. I have the attic fan running to draw the excess heat and moisture out. The house had some mold and mildew this time last year when I arrived but this summer has seen more rain and everything was closed up for a month so it was much worse.

We went for a little drive through City Park and headed home. We set up the dehumidifier with a hose down the drain in the basement. The monitor said it was 75% humidity down there. I set it for 50% so we’ll see how it does. I also bought a large tub of DampRid and put it in the bathroom. It’s a bucket of some sort of granules that absorb moisture from the air. The bathroom is typically a damp place, but ours is made more so by the washer and dryer being in there.

The cats are fed. Phone calls have been made. Mr. FixIt is settled in his favorite chair reading the news. And I’m in the big chair in front of the window in the dining room. The evening is cool. The evening sounds of the insects and frogs are my background music. It’s date night in West Virginia…and I couldn’t be happier. God has blessed us with a simple life and abundant love. ❤️

“addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord with your heart, giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.” ‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭5:19-21‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Hand in Glove

Sat, 12 Aug 2017 01:55:47 -0600

I fit here. West Virginia is just the right size and shape to accommodate all that is…me! We were sitting on the porch last night contemplating the “traffic” up this little country lane. Maybe a dozen or so cars and trucks have come and gone. The light turned that beautiful golden of August, giving the tired green of the trees a gilding that brings a little life back in their weary veins. Old Mama Kitty munched out on that bit of pork chop I surreptitiously dropped for her to try to keep her from climbing Mr. FixIt’s leg like a young sapling, disturbing our Friday “date night” dinner.

I love to cook. I didn’t for a long time, but cooking for an appreciative audience is delightful. Last night’s fare was pork chops, sauerkraut fried a golden brown, mashed potatoes, fresh corn on the cob, and home grown tomatoes. Oh my…be still my heart. Mr. FixIt rose to clear the table and rid up the dishes while I settled in to write this post. Norah Jones is crooning softly in the background. The air is still. A jet flies overhead, whisking happy travelers off to another place. Crickets, katydids, locusts, and tree frogs serenade us as we each settle in for our own interests for a bit.

We are a perfect fit. A hand in glove relationship. Mr. FixIt comes out from cleaning my kitchen (seriously, is there anything sexier than a man cleaning a kitchen???) and taps me on the shoulder. He hands me a cherry flavored Tootsie Roll pop. I give him my brightest smile. He knows. He knows what I love. He listens. He cares.

He got here about fifteen minutes before I woke up from my nap. He came in quietly, picked up the paper and settled into the rocker to read and wait for me to wake up. He would have waited much longer than fifteen minutes. He would never have disturbed my rest. When I got up and saw him in my dining room, I smiled and gave him a big kiss. I padded into the kitchen for a cold drink, and there…sitting in a jug of water…we’re two dozen beautiful copper-colored roses. Hand in glove. This man gets me.

Learning to love and appreciate this man has not taken anything away from my feelings for Mr. Virgo. If anything, it has kept that love alive and in the forefront in many ways. When Mr. FixIt does or says something sweet and loving, I smile knowing how Mr. Virgo would love the way this man treats “his best girl”. Not by way of comparison. Mr. FixIt is his own man and I love him for his own merits. But, two dozen roses? Letting me wake on my own? Doing the dishes? Bringing me a cherry flavored lollipop? Oh yes…this man fits me and I am ever so grateful for the honor of loving, and being loved, again.

I am home…and it isn’t all about the house, the land, the state, or even the man, really. No…it’s all about living comfortably in my skin and choosing the right guy to share it with. Hand in glove. Peace. ❤️

“A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another.” ‭‭John‬ ‭13:34‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Welcome Home!

Fri, 11 Aug 2017 01:55:35 -0600

Is there anything more wonderful than the glow of the gas light in the yard to welcome you home? This light has burned continuously since I was a little girl. It’s had many mates replaced and several panes of glass. It’s had a coat or two of flat black paint and it can no longer be adjusted for the rust, but it’s the beacon that greets me when I come up the driveway here at the farm

I ran errands this morning…mail, groceries, produce stand, coffee. Then made a beeline home. All the kitties came to greet me. Old Mama Kitty trembled at the sound of my voice. Boy cat sat a respectable distance and gave me his best throaty hello. Kitty Boy skirted me and settled at the barn with a mouse or some such critter.

I called the neighbors to let them know I was home. They had informed me several days ago not to be too surprised when I come home and find four new kittens. What??? It seems they hitch-hiked up in the car and stayed. I think the mama took one back because it was back at their house down the road. That left three. I managed to catch two of them and delivered them back to their mama. I just didn’t have it in me to try to catch the last one. I’ll try today.

It rained an extraordinary amount here this summer and many of the surfaces in the house are covered in a light mold and mildew. I need to get after it with bleach water. I also need a dehumidifier. I put the groceries away, fed the cats, sorted the mail, cleaned the fridge, and just about emptied the truck. I am spent. I don’t know if it’s age, or if it’s after effects of the concussion, or all the trouble with the camper, but this trip was a rough one for me…even with the help of Mr. FixIt. Thank God he was along. It was fun. I loved seeing the kids and I miss everyone already. But I swear…I’m going to sleep for a week!

If you don’t hear from me for a bit, I’m laying low and catching my breath. I just wanted you to know I’m home…really home! God protected us and kept us safe and we are so grateful! ❤️

““Return home and tell how much God has done for you.” So the man went away and told all over town how much Jesus had done for him.” ‭‭Luke‬ ‭8:39‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Road Trip: Day Thirty-One..."Camping in Comfort!"

Tue, 08 Aug 2017 01:55:34 -0600

OMGosh! After camping two nights in parking lots, Grandpa’s Farm Campground is just what the doctor ordered. Mr. FixIt and I were up at the crack of dawn and dragged our sorry butts into the IHOP for breakfast. Coffee, coffee, coffee. I slept maybe three pharmaceutically induced hours to the refrains of a hundred diesel engines idling all night. Ok, there were…like, twenty-five, ok? All I’m sayin’ is…it sounded like the 10th Armored Division were on maneuvers in my living room. Have I ever mentioned I’m grumpy in the mornings if I don’t sleep well and coffee is delayed by the briefest of moments? I thought not…I hate to tarnish my pristine reputation. Oy.

After breakfast, we sat down with the Atlas and the RV Campground Directory and figured out how long we wanted to drive today. It put us right in the vicinity of Richmond, IN…a very cute little burg. I was in Richmond when Daughter #1 graduated from college a few miles away in Oxford, Ohio at the Miami University. I stopped at this campground on my way out to Colorado this summer. It’s the one I found on a Saturday night when I was contemplating how sorry I was that I’d miss church the next morning, only to find out they have Campground Church every Sunday. It’s run by a lovely family. There is some road noise in the early evening, but it soon dies down after folks get home from work. There’s also a rushing stream along the edge of the campground that you can hear at night. AAA got me a discount and a full hookup site was $32.50. As soon as I got everything hooked up, I turned on the hot water heater so we could enjoy hot showers for the first time in three days! Heavenly!

But, here’s the very coolest thing….Mr. FixIt DROVE for me all but the first hour. We were tooling along and I just hadn’t had enough sleep or enough coffee. We pulled into a service station, got my pillows and blankets out of the trailer, and I crawled into the passenger side and slept for two hours. When I woke up, I marveled at the decadence of having someone drive me around…pulling my camper with confidence, being just as careful of her as I am. It felt amazing…this giving over some control after having to do everything by myself for so long. The thing is, I kept hanging onto that control…long after I had a capable partner to help me. It was liberating in the totally opposite way of women’s liberation. It felt inclusive, a communal effort. And I was in hog heaven!

We got to the campground by 3:00 which allows for so much more of an evening than midnight does. Mr. FixIt went for a walk while I wrote this post so we could just enjoy the evening without interruptions. We cooked a nice dinner and sat outside listening to the many sounds of the campground. What a precious treat this man is. Thank you God for safe travels. And thank You for bringing me such a wonderful man to enjoy! ❤️

“Sing to the LORD, all the earth; proclaim his salvation day after day. Declare his glory among the nations, his marvelous deeds among all peoples.” ‭‭1 Chronicles‬ ‭16:23-24‬ ‭NIV

Road Trip: Day Twenty-Nine..."On the Road Again!"

Sat, 05 Aug 2017 01:55:47 -0600

This is the hard part…saying goodbye. I don’t like goodbyes. I miss my kids and my grands when I’m in West Virginia. I wish we lived closer. At one point I was ready to move back to Colorado. But man…the cost of living is nearing the breaking posing for most people and it has gotten so incredibly crowded. As much as I will miss my girls, I am longing for home…for the peacefulness of the country…for smaller towns and fewer crowds.

We had a great day yesterday. We fussed around getting the camper cleaned and ready for travel. We did laundry and visited with my son-in-law’s parents, then went to Little’s Art Camp program. She displayed several art pieces and played the violin. Afterwards, we had 14 for a family dinner and that will have to do till next time. We’ve decided to drive the back roads and see what a cross road trip was like in the days of the two-lane blacktop. We’ll follow a river into the sand hills of the western prairie. Our progress will be slow, but I’ll check in and share with you. This is an entirely new experience for me and I’m looking forward to it! ❤️

“Jesus answered, “It is written: ‘Man shall not live on bread alone.’ ”

For it is written: “ ‘He will command his angels concerning you to guard you carefully;” ‭‭Luke‬ ‭4:4, 10‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Road Trip: Day Twenty-Eight..."Dancing"

Fri, 04 Aug 2017 01:55:04 -0600

I love listening to live music. We met Daughter #1 and the grands for dinner then attended the outdoor concert at Flatirons Crossing…a large mall in Louisville, CO. They left at intermission so when the band started up again, I led Mr. FixIt out on the dance floor for the second half. I love to dance, but my 64-year-old knees were screaming in protest before long. I’ll pay for it today, I’m afraid.

Yesterday was spent running errands like getting the oil changed on the truck for the trip back. Today is cleaning, doing laundry, packing. We all get to attend Little’s presentation at the end of art camp this afternoon then one last family gathering before we head out in the morning. It’s been a fast month and I’ll miss my babies. I’m already planning our return trip around Christmas! I know this isn’t much of a post…just touching base as we tie up loose ends before we leave. ❤️

“Children are a heritage from the LORD, offspring a reward from him.” ‭‭Psalm‬ ‭127:3‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Road Trip: Day Twenty-Six..."On Sharing"

Wed, 02 Aug 2017 01:55:19 -0600

There has been a major shift within me this trip. I wasn’t sure going into this vacation how I would react sharing the space that is mine in Colorado with both Mr. Virgo’s memory and Mr. FixIt’s presence. How would everything fit? At home on the farm in West Virginia, Mr. Virgo only occupies space in my mind and heart as well as what few tangible things I have kept that were his. Here, he lives in the mountains, he sits in the sunsets, he whispers in the wind that blows through the trees. He’s everywhere. Would he distract me too much? How would I feel entertaining two men…one very much here, the other very much real but not here?

I took this wonderful man to “meet” Mr. Virgo and I needn’t have worried. He respected my space. He listened intently. He waited patiently. And at the perfect moment, he walked up behind me, wrapped me in his arms and said, “I’m so sorry, Ginny. I know this was so hard for you. You’ve been through so much and you are very brave.” His arms were a comfort. My fingers intertwined with his as I leaned back against him. I felt his warm breath in my hair. For a moment, I remembered what this same position felt like with Mr. Virgo. Then I let it go…like a feather on a breeze…dancing and floating away from me.

Time has allowed me perspective and healing. Choice has brought me ever onward and upward. Prayer has given me strength where there was none. Mr. FixIt has given me…Love. Hope. Trust. Joy. Peace. Companionship. Friendship. Laughter. Stability. Comfort. Contact. Connection. I am grateful. This shift has a lot to do with all of the above. Sharing this space with my new love is helping me to, yet again, redefine its meaning. Redefine who I am…redefine my “status”. I know it’s different for everyone. For me, at four and a half years…it’s a choice. I choose love. It is my purpose in life. It is the one thing I am to practice, to hone my skill at. To emulate in a Christ-like way. Not just my love for Mr. FixIt or Mr. Virgo…but for everyone.

I’ve been asked when I will share a picture of Mr. FixIt with you. And the answer is…not in his lifetime. Not a definable picture, anyway. Distance, maybe. From the back, sure. His hands, definitely. He has the hands of a hard-working man and I love them. But I won’t be sharing his name or his face because those are mine. I share everything else with you…my pain, my fears, my hopes, my joys, my struggles, and my triumphs. I do so without reservation as this is my platform…my purpose. I share to spread love and promote healing. This one great thing…this glimpse into who he really is in real life…is the one tangible thing I will fervently protect.

Yesterday was a day shared with loved ones. My heart is full. ❤️

“If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” 1 Corinthians 13:2-7 NIV

Road Trip: Day Twenty-Five..."Life is Better at the Ranch"

Tue, 01 Aug 2017 01:55:23 -0600

The trip out west is winding down. The kids are busy with camps and getting ready for school so there isn’t as much time for visiting. I could spend another month showing Mr. FixIt around Colorado, but there are things that need tending to back home. I was going to stay till the end of August so I could attend a Sisters on the Fly event. However, I am hosting a Sisters event in WV the first week of September and there are still so many details to take care of and I want it to be memorable for the gals. So, I’m heading back east this weekend. I’m not going to put Mr. FixIt on the plane…he’s going to drive back with me. We have found an alternate route that will take us along the America River on a two lane and off the wicked roar of the interstate. I’m looking forward to an easier ride home with good company.

Our last days here will consist of family time and perhaps a drive to Colorado Springs to the Garden of the Gods and Pike’s Peak. Yesterday was laundry day (I ironed a shirt! gasp!), lunch out with my son-in-law’s parents, a little nap in the afternoon, dinner with the family, and a trip to my favorite antique store. The Brass Armadillo is huge and would take a full day to browse. We only had a couple of hours but we did our best to see as much as possible. It floors me to go into an “antique” store and see the things we grew up using and playing with. I mean, really…antiques? How is that possible when we keep getting younger?

I loved the Ranch sign. And the angel wings were awesome. The trailer with wings was adorable. I didn’t buy a thing, although there were so many things I could see owning. I can’t shop anymore without envisioning the work involved with downsizing when I sold my house and got rid of 95% of my personal belongings. It was so incredibly difficult and I don’t ever want to do that again. I already own too much stuff! I want to keep my life light and not be burdened by the weight of possessions. I love stuff. I love that my friends dig their stuff and want to keep it around them. I totally get that. It’s going to be interesting to see how things unfold as my relationship with Mr. FixIt moves forward. Ohhhh, he’s as big a pack rat as I am!

Today’s a day of helping my daughter while Mr. FixIt entertains himself. He can find his way around Denver with the GPS. I hope you all have an incredible day! ❤️

“He answered, “ ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind’; and, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ ”” ‭‭Luke‬ ‭10:27‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Road Trip, Day Twenty-Four..."In Jesus' Name"

Mon, 31 Jul 2017 01:55:55 -0600

Whew….some Mondays we just have to go to church here at the Ranch. Especially when I’ve heard a sermon like yesterday. Let me tell you a little bit about how God works in my life. There’s a church here in Denver that I really like…Red Rocks Church. It’s very much like my home church in West Virginia…contemporary, progressive, energetic. I love it and couldn’t wait to take Mr. FixIt. Red Rocks Church has four campuses plus a prison outreach. One campus has the pastor live and all the others watch a live feed on the big screen in their respective churches. I usually go to the Arvada campus, but I really wanted Mr. FixIt to hear the sermon live. I was planning to drive down to the Littleton Campus in order to accomplish that. I’m always quick to get ready but yesterday I just couldn’t seem to get it together. I couldn’t believe it when I looked at the clock and saw we would be lucky to make it to the local satellite church. We made a bee line and got there in time to grab a cup of coffee and get seated. As we were walking into the sanctuary, a volunteer said, “You’re in for a treat today…the pastor is here live with an amazing message!” I couldn’t believe it. If we would have left on time to get to the other church, we would have been watching the pastor on the big screen! God fascinates me. His ways are so mysterious. His love is so complete.

The message yesterday was about the Samaritan woman at the well again. The pastor spoke about five words and how they relate to all of us. Pain. Prison. Power. Platform. Purpose. The Samaritan woman had suffered pain…as we all have. She was living in a self-imposed prison of isolation as she avoided interacting with others. Then she had an encounter with Jesus at the well and experienced His power. She used her experiences of Pain, Prison, and Power as her Platform from which she could share her testimony. This allowed her to live her Purpose.

I don’t know about you, but I struggled for nearly sixty years trying to figure out what my purpose is in this life. I hadn’t done a very good job being a wife until my third marriage. I didn’t feel I had been a very good mother, although I tried and I did the best I could with the knowledge and experiences I possessed at the time. It wasn’t till I lost Mr. Virgo and spent three months in the wilderness and backroads of Colorado that I discovered my purpose is to love. To accomplish this, I have built this new life from the ashes of who I was before the fires of grief changed me.

The pastor used an example of someone who has turned her pain into her platform. At seven years old, Gabriella has had more pain than you can imagine. After a diagnosis of leukemia, it has been this innocent child who teaches the doctors and nurses…and, anyone in earshot, really…about Jesus. She comforts her mother when she worries about her and says “Don’t worry…God’s got this!” As they were taking her into surgery to place the port for chemo, this brave little girl only said three words but she said them over and over for two hours before they wheeled her into the OR. “In Jesus’ name…In Jesus’ name…In Jesus’ name.” When the folks from the Make a Wish Foundation contacted Gabs and her parents to find out her wish, she couldn’t think of what to ask for. She didn’t need anything. Finally, after weeks of contemplation, she decided last Saturday what she wanted. She wanted to preach at Red Rocks Church. So, yesterday, this beautiful little angel…just a wisp of a thing in her flower halo…bravely marched out onto the stage in front of hundreds of strangers. She held her notes in one hand, the microphone in the other, and she told us about her friend, Jesus. And how He holds us in the palm of his hand. She said we don’t need to be afraid because when she was afraid before her chemo, it was Jesus who comforted her. She said that was why she had wanted to be “bapatized”…because she loved Jesus. I’m telling you…that was the most powerful service I have ever attended. There wasn’t a dry eye in the place and I was so grateful to have been in the front row to witness it live.

The rest of the day was beautiful. We drove up to the top of Mt. Evans after church. At 14,134 feet elevation, we were quite literally in the clouds. After the power of witnessing the faith of that child, standing on top of the world seemed almost inconsequential. Afterward, we went to Central City for supper and to wait out the Sunday evening traffic returning to Denver. By the time we were back and told our stories of the day to our family, we were spent. Yes, some Mondays I just have to take you to church. This was one. ❤️

“And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Father may be glorified in the Son. You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it.” ‭‭John‬ ‭14:13-14‬ ‭NIV

#Jesus, #wisdom, #faith

Road Trip: Day Twenty-Two..."A Night on the Town"

Sat, 29 Jul 2017 01:55:31 -0600

After a busy day sightseeing, we visited with my “surrogate parents” and my sweet brother. We walked around town and looked at the darling shops of downtown Glenwood Springs and chose one of my favorite restaurants for dinner…The Riviera Supper Club. So, I’m out on the town with my man as I jot this note to you…and this is “all she wrote” for today. We will head back to the campground (NO cell service or WiFi…yay!!!) We’ll head back to Denver tomorrow! ❤️

“On the first day of the week we came together to break bread. Paul spoke to the people and, because he intended to leave the next day, kept on talking until midnight.” ‭‭Acts‬ ‭20:7‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Road Trip: Day Twenty-One..."Exploring!"

Fri, 28 Jul 2017 01:55:09 -0600

Seriously…have you seen anything more beautiful than this??? Maroon Bells…the most photographed scene in Colorado. Mr. FixIt has never been to Colorado and I’m trying to jam in as many amazing sights I can in the short time we are up here in the mountains. We got our exercise yesterday! We started with The Ritz Carlton Club in Aspen Highlands to see Mr. Virgo’s Memorial. They planted a tree and laid a plaque in his honor off the patio of his restaurant in the hotel. It has grown about three feet since they planted it. I felt him all around me there. He loved that restaurant and the view. After paying our respects and talking to some of the Ladies and Gentlemen of the Ritz Carlton, we took the shuttle up to Maroon Bells Wilderness Area and hiked around the lake and through meadows of mountain wildflowers in their prime. The Colorado sky did not disappoint, and even though we didn’t see the bear Mr. FixIt wanted to see, he had a grand time. By the time we finished our hike we were famished. We took the shuttle bus back into Aspen Highlands and drove into Aspen for a late lunch. We walked the streets, people watching and browsing through the shops till it was time to head back to the camper. There was live music in the park last night and we didn’t want to miss that. We have no cell or phone service in the campground so I have to post when I have service somewhere. If I miss a day, don’t worry…it just means I didn’t come to town.

It was another beautiful day in the Rockies. The night sky is so incredibly black you can’t see your hand in front of your face but the stars??? OMGosh! You can see the entire Milky Way! They’re so close it feels like you can touch them. Amazing! ❤️

““But ask the animals, and they will teach you, or the birds in the sky, and they will tell you; or speak to the earth, and it will teach you, or let the fish in the sea inform you. Which of all these does not know that the hand of the LORD has done this? In his hand is the life of every creature and the breath of all mankind.” ‭‭Job‬ ‭12:7-10‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Road Trip: Day Twenty-one..."Old Home Week"

Thu, 27 Jul 2017 01:55:31 -0600

There are moments in life that you would like to freeze and keep forever, aren’t there? Yesterday was just such a day. The part came in for the camper and Mr. FixIt went to pick it up while I packed up and got the camper ready to haul it to our next site. It was a really easy, short trip without any hills to speak of and we were there in no time. There was only one little glitch. The campsite I had reserved was a group site and there was someone coming to stay right beside us…which kind of defeated the point. Fortunately, there was another site nearby that was even better and we got set up quickly and headed to Marble for lunch at Slow Groovin’ BBQ. It was there I met Kevin from Grand Rapids, MI. Kevin is doing what many young college grads do…he’s finding his groove and he couldn’t have picked a better place than here! As many of these stories, it all started with a blown engine and this person knew that person and off he is on an adventure. (Note to Kevin’s mom…you raised a fine young man. He’s polite and friendly and has great dreams. I know you must be very proud of him. He says you worry. I understand but…he’ll be careful. He misses you and all his nieces and nephews.) Anyway, Kevin was a bright spot in our day and it was a delight to meet him.

After lunch, we headed to Glenwood Springs to listen to live music in the park. The Black Lillies from Nashville were the highlight of the night and they were awesome! This is my old stomping grounds. I moved here as a young doctor’s wife in 1986. I ran into people who have known me, supported me, and cheered me on through every incarnation I went through since then. It was such a treat to introduce Mr. FixIt to so many of my longtime friends. He had a blast!

Today we are off to explore Aspen! Stay tuned!!! ❤️

“I will sing to the LORD all my life; I will sing praise to my God as long as I live.” ‭‭Psalm‬ ‭104:33‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Road Trip: Day Twenty..."Another Day in Paradise"

Wed, 26 Jul 2017 01:55:09 -0600

Last week I reported to you that Mr. Virgo was in my dreams two nights running saying he was leaving me. He appeared again Sunday night. In this dream I found out that he had some sort of neurological problem and that’s why he decided to go on and not try to come back. He was brought to me in a black limousine. They told me he was coming and that I could see him the way he would have looked had he survived the heart attack. When the car pulled up, he rolled down the window and he had obvious neurological damage, yet in the dream, he could still stand. He got out of the limo and looked at me so sad. I wrapped my arms around his neck and cried, “I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry.” He said it was HE who was sorry he had to leave me like that. I pulled away from him and said, “You know how much I love you, right?” He said of course he did. I said, “Well, I’ve met someone wonderful and I love him, too. I can’t leave him now.” His eyes softened and he wrapped me in his arms and whispered into my hair, “It’s ok. It’s ok. It’s ok.” And…I woke up. Three times in a week he’s been in my dreams and he hasn’t been here that much in the last four and a half years. I think it’s because I’ve brought Mr. FixIt here to Colorado…turf that, up until now, belonged to Mr. Virgo and me.

It was still dark…the first hint of daylight tinting the eastern sky. I lay there quietly, listening to the soft breathing of this wonderful man I have come to love. “It’s ok. It’s ok. It’s ok.” I smiled in the darkness, snuggled closer, and went back to sleep.

We were up bright and early yesterday. Lots to do…doctor’s appointment and pick up the replacement thermostat (it’s still not in after two more stops in the RV dealer). We went out for breakfast then stopped to visit Mr. Virgo’s grave. I left one of the painted rocks that I’ve found recently that said “I love your smile!” It made ME smile. Then I took Mr. FixIt up to Rifle Falls State Park. In all the years I lived here, I had never been there. We hiked up to the top, took lots of pictures, and headed back to town to take my brother out to dinner again. Afterwards, we stopped at the grocery store and ran into Rob and Jordan, two young men from Virginia who had built this funky trailer from scratch and are on a five month trek across the country. They have a YouTube channel called Fantasy Jive ( www.youtube.com/channel/U… ) What an adventure!

A trip to Lowe’s rounded out the day. We needed some wire connectors and wire stripper for the thermostat project. With the groceries put away, we finally had time to sit in our new chairs and listen to the river rushing through the canyon as the sun set. We stayed the last two nights at Glenwood Canyon Resort…one of the most beautiful places to camp in Colorado, in my opinion. While the sites are rather close together, there’s nothing like sitting and staring up at the steep canyon walls directly across the river from your campsite. Trains run through the canyon at all hours, but if you’re like me, they make you smile.

Today we break camp and head on to our next stop on this adventure. Stay tuned to see what we are up to next!❤️

“And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another advocate to help you and be with you forever— the Spirit of truth. The world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him nor knows him. But you know him, for he lives with you and will be in you.” ‭‭John‬ ‭14:16-17‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Road Trip: Day Seventeen..."Family First"

Sun, 23 Jul 2017 03:55:15 -0600

I’ve known Mr. FixIt for nearly fifty years. He’s gregarious and fun and funny. He’s everyone’s best friend and, just like me, he has never known a stranger. He fits into every crowd, can talk on a number of subjects, and always has something to contribute to conversations. When I found myself with the opportunity to be in a relationship with my long time friend, of course I jumped at the chance. I had no doubt that he would fit right into my family. It’s like he’s always been a part of us and I couldn’t be happier. You know, Mr. Virgo wasn’t my first marriage. There were two before him. My daughter laughs and calls me Elizabeth…as in Taylor. It wasn’t my plan to have this many men in my life. It was my destiny.

Yesterday was the best day! Family time, time spent exploring Fort Collins, and then the other grandparents joined us in the afternoon. My daughter and son-in-law went to a wedding and the grandparents and grandchildren stayed home and cooked a nice dinner. Afterwards we all sat on the deck and visited as the sun set. We watched the bats come out and pick off the mosquitoes. We watched the neighborhood rabbits forage in the overgrown yard of an abandoned house across the street. Just after dusk, we heard the calls of a pack of coyotes beyond the river. The oppressive heat of the day gave way to the first cool breeze of the night and we all breathed a collective sigh of relief. I try to spend every moment I can sitting outdoors when the weather permits it. Winters seem so dreadfully long when I can’t go out after dark and enjoy the front porch.

Today is an action packed day of fun with the grandchildren then we head back to Denver to prepare for our camping adventure that begins on Monday. I can’t wait to tell you about the campgrounds and all the sites we will be visiting in the coming week. I get to see my brother and my friends and make more introductions. I am so blessed! ❤️

“These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.”
Deuteronomy 6:6-7 NIV

Road Trip: Day Sixteen..."Tour Director"

Sat, 22 Jul 2017 01:55:38 -0600

I get the biggest kick out of showing people places they’ve never seen…especially when it’s a place I love so much. Colorado was my home for forty years and it’s truly spectacular. Mr. FixIt has never been here so I’m having a blast watching him explore. Yesterday we went up to Rocky Mountain National Park. We no sooner got there till the skies opened up and a major thunderstorm blew in. I pulled into the parking area at Sheep Lake and turned off the engine. Mr. FixIt asked what we were looking at. I pointed up high in the mountains and said, “See that lightning? That’s where we’re going. I’m going to wait till it breaks up a bit.” He looked up at the high peaks and I could read a lot on his face. “Cool!” “Man, that’s high!” “I’ve got the coolest girlfriend on the planet!” Well, ok…I could be projecting that last part. lol

Once the storm let up a little, we proceeded on through the park and turned right to go up Old Fall River Road. To me, that’s the only way to approach Trail Ridge Road from the east. We drove past the site where the flash flood several years ago brought down an alluvial fan for the record books. Shortly after the falls at the fan, you jog to the right and start up the mountain on a narrow, single lane dirt road with no guard rails. Majesty comes into view at every turn, be it waterfalls or sheer drop offs, abundant wildlife or above-treeline vistas. Mr. FixIt said his neck hurt from flipping his head back and forth trying to take it all in. The road is seven-and-a-half miles long and with all the stops and pulling over to let the faster cars by, it took five hours. But, that included a stop for coffee at the restaurant at the top of Trail Ridge Road. It was 49 degrees and really windy at the top. You seriously feel like you’re on top of the world up there. Mr. FixIt was beside himself!

We are staying with my kids, grandkids, and son-in-law’s parents in a historic hotel and have the whole place to ourselves. We got back in time last night to grill burgers and have salad and corn on the cob. Summer is such a wonderful time of year. Mr. FixIt kept thanking me all day for showing him such a good time. It is so incredibly sweet when you’re on the happy side of life, isn’t it? To be appreciated…and told so??? What a gift that we get to give away to each other! Life is so good! ❤️

“In his hand are the depths of the earth, and the mountain peaks belong to him.” ‭‭Psalm‬ ‭95:4‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Road Trip: Day Fifteen "Focus"

Fri, 21 Jul 2017 01:55:09 -0600

Moose

I am in my fifth year writing this blog. The original page was intended to showcase art jewelry I was making out of antique silverware and maps. Then Mr. Virgo died and it morphed into a grief blog. I dealt solely with the monumental task of putting one foot in front of the other and surviving that horrid loss. In an effort to cope, I put something joyful in front of me in the form of a small camper and a group of spunky women who liked to travel and have adventures. The focus gradually shifted from the darkness of death to the possibility of living after loss and eventually I started breathing again. With each stage of grief, with each right of passage, with each new thing, the focus of my writing has shifted to accommodate the change du jour.

A reader commented yesterday that my site has “lost its focus”. I had to sit down and give myself a good self-examination. For what seemed like an eternity, the only thing I could talk about was pain and death and grief and darkness. Thank God that’s not the focus of all my writing any more. It means I’m healing. So, what IS the “focus of my site”? Trailers, camping, travel, Girl Campers and Sisters on the Fly? Not entirely. My family in Colorado and West Virginia? Somewhat. The farm and the cats? Sometimes. God and how He has touched my life and moved mountains? Much of the time. My writing is all of these things and more. I’m part storyteller, part preacher, part analyst, part therapist. I’m part comedienne, part realist, part widow, part mom. Because that’s what life is…it’s 10,000 things all at once so I write about the 10,000 things and try to make some sense of it all. Because out there…somewhere out there is a widow that’s hurting, a wife who was left, a child who was molested. And somewhere in here is a story that just might help one of them, whether it seems unfocused or not.

While the subject matter of my blog has indeed varied over the years, my focus has not. My focus is to help people in any way I can. To be of service. To quote John Keats, “Love is my religion…”. I will admit, writer’s block has me occasionally writing diary-like posts a la Bridget Jones. And this new, wild and wonderful love story I’ve got going on here is distracting, to say the least. I take constructive criticism to heart and I will try to write more focused essays in the future. I have no problem hearing constructive criticism. We all have room for improvement. ❤️

“Whoever heeds life-giving correction will be at home among the wise.” ‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭15:31‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Road Trip: Day Fourteen..."My Person"

Thu, 20 Jul 2017 01:55:37 -0600

I’ve been holding my breath for months now. I wanted to talk to you about it, but I couldn’t. It was really complicated and it was scary and it had to do with Mr. FixIt and I hadn’t told you about him yet. I was still trying to figure out how to introduce a new character into our little story here without changing the dynamic so much that you ran away in droves. Come to find out, I needn’t have worried about that. Everyone has been so wonderful and supportive of my new love and I am so grateful. So, now I can tell you the other half of the story.

Mr. FixIt and I hadn’t been seeing each other romantically very long when he had an annual physical and some blood tests came back abnormal. The doctor wanted to wait three months and then repeat the lab work and this time it was even worse. He referred us to a specialist and Mr. FixIt had a series of tests. One of the possible diagnoses was leukemia. My heart both sank through the floor and jumped out of my chest. This was my biggest fear…that I would fall in love with this wonderful man and be over-the-moon happy only to have him get sick and die on me. Leukemia. Just thinking the word made me physically ill. And Mr. FixIt was flat out devastated that he just found happiness and the rug could get pulled out from under us. He hated that this scared me to death. It scared him, too.

He had a bone marrow biopsy and after waiting three weeks, we finally heard the news we had been praying for. It is NOT leukemia! Thank you, Jesus! That’s the good news. The bad news is we still don’t know exactly what it is, because there IS something going on. But our doctor contacted the specialist at West Virginia University and they both agreed to watch and wait six months and repeat the tests then.

I let out my breath. This man has become so important to me. He has stolen my heart. We’ve known each other since we were kids. We’ve always been great friends. That came first. But to fall in love, to open my heart again and to love so deeply after the profound loss of Mr. Virgo…only to lose again? I couldn’t bear the thought. I prayed…fervently. I asked others to pray…unspoken prayers, specific prayers, prayers for healing. “Please, don’t let it be cancer!” “Please heal him.” “If he’s sick, let it be something easily controlled and non-life threatening.” Denying. Bargaining. In his favor, Mr. FixIt is extremely healthy, walks 5-6 miles a day, has purposefully lost sixty pounds, and eats a healthy diet. I can’t help but think, whatever this is, it can’t be too awfully bad or he wouldn’t be this healthy. So I’ll breathe. I will relax a little. I didn’t realize how wound up I was till I heard the doctor on the other end of the line in our phone conference Tuesday.

And now, my sweetheart is here with me! Oh…standing in the greeting area of DIA yesterday, my heart leapt with joy when I saw this handsome man, this lean and lanky guy with the graying red hair, my best friend in the whole wide world coming up the escalator! I could hardly wait to get a hold of him. Our good news of the day before underlining the poignancy of the moment. What would I have done? What if it would have been the worst case scenario? It is not unreasonable for my widow-mind to go there because I’ve been there before. Well…I’ve had a little time to think about those “what ifs”. And I’ll tell you what. Our love is long term. Platonic for the majority of our lives…romantic for only the last few months. It doesn’t matter. When you love someone, and you are dealt a blow, there is only one thing to do…you just hold hands and walk into the fire. Together.

We are grateful we have each other at this time in our lives. We celebrate this wonderful chance at love. We thank God for his bountiful blessings. We put our trust in Him for He has plans for us. ❤️

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,” declares the LORD, “and will bring you back from captivity. I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you,” declares the LORD, “and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile.”” ‭‭Jeremiah‬ ‭29:11-14‬ ‭NIV

Road Trip: Day Thirteen..."In Him"

Wed, 19 Jul 2017 01:55:30 -0600

The phone dinged. I had a text.

“Are you awake?”

7:30am on vacation. A Tuesday.

“Yes!”

“I have to bring the van back and pick up my car and I’m stopping at Starbucks. You want something?”

OMGosh! I love this woman…daughter or not.

“Yes, please!!!”

Daughter #1 is a busy woman. Even though she is technically “off” on summer break, her oldest is on swim team and practices eight times a week. She’s helping her BFF remodel a kitchen. She carts her youngest to this camp or that. She took a whole passel of kids to a concert Monday night. She’s organizing a cleaning a house that is a challenge. She’s always ready at the drop of a hat to be someplace, help someone, do something. And yesterday morning, that something was to curl up on the twin bed in my slide out, coffee in hand, for an hour and a half of uninterrupted conversation with her mom.

I miss this. I miss my babies and their activities. Big grew five inches since I was here at Christmas. Little at least two. Their hair is long, their knowledge increased, braces are gone. At the same time, I’ve found peace and love on a farm in West Virginia and I can’t imagine not living there right now. So, I continue to come here twice a year, summer and Christmas. I did suggest perhaps next summer everyone can come visit us!

I met one of my Sisters on the Fly friends for lunch and walked around the mall for some exercise. I heard on the news yesterday that it was something like the 23rd day in a row of 90 degrees or above here in Colorado. At least it’s a dry heat. It’s much easier to exercise in the mall than outside. It turned out to be another wonderful day.

I have learned that when I am in the Word…when I am God-centric…when I am Faith-focused…I have peace. A peace that surpasses all understanding. This is supernatural. This is standing in Grace. This is Joy. I am so grateful. ❤️

““I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”” ‭‭John‬ ‭16:33‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Road Trip: Day Twelve..."He Sent Me Birds"

Tue, 18 Jul 2017 01:55:04 -0600

Sometimes it takes a couple days of cogitation before I recognize a sign. You’ve heard me say many times that Mr. Virgo sends me birds to let me know he is near. Strictly speaking, souls in Heaven have no connection to us here on earth. Dogma dictates our loved ones cannot see or contact us. I can’t quote you a scripture to support this, but I would not doubt there is one. That being said, since the Discovery Channel has not sent a team of investigators and a film crew to the other side and brought back photographic evidence of what Heaven is like, I prefer to believe our loved ones can and do watch out for us. It gives me hope. I physically saw Mr. Virgo’s spirit leave his body. I know for a fact the spiritual realm is real. Therefore, I believe he sends me birds.

The first such occurrence happened early on after Mr. Virgo died unexpectedly of a heart attack. It was late summer and I had recently returned from my three month sojourn in the wilderness and backroads of Colorado. For the first eighteen months, I brought a good sized rock to place around the perimeter of Mr. Virgo’s grave. I had just placed several rocks from my trip and sat back in the car next to his grave so I could get out of the sun. I was overcome with grief and laid my head on the steering wheel and sobbed…that loud, raspy, snotty cry that comes in the early weeks and months after such a profound loss. As I started to regain some control, I heard a bird…fairly close…singing. I looked to my left, and there…on the boundary post not three feet from me…was a mountain bluebird. He was looking straight at me, singing his bluebird song, and tilting his head this way and that as he watched me…intently. I held my breath, afraid to move because I didn’t want to scare him away. He stayed there for the longest time, then finally flew off into a thicket across the road.

For months, every time I went to the cemetery, bluebirds would come. First one, then two…then five, eight, twelve! Flocks of bluebirds! One warm spring day a year after Mr. Virgo’s death, I had the door open and my feet propped up on the door handle. Suddenly, three bluebirds swooped down and landed on the top of the open door. Two more flew in and rested on the side view mirror. I was stunned! As I traveled, birds would come sit near me. One morning in Missouri, as I was programming my GPS, I heard a tap, tap, tapping on the driver’s side window. I looked and there was a goldfinch sitting on the little edge of door, tapping on the glass. This has continued on and on…for four and a half years.

Saturday night, I had a dream. A nightmare, really. Mr. Virgo is seldom in my dreams. As a matter of fact, my dream life has largely vanished since his death. But Saturday night, he came and sat on my bed. He looked at me and said he was leaving. I woke up in tears. It felt like a “breaking up with you” kind of leaving. It tugged at the far corners of the abandonment issues I have largely put to rest. It didn’t feel good and made me a little sad. Then, Sunday night…the owls came. Two BIG Great Horned Owls…in the daylight…in a highly urban area…50 feet from me. They sat there in the tree for twenty minutes or so…softly hooting…when first one, then the other, soared on silent wings off to another area. It didn’t really occur to me that Mr. Virgo could have sent those owls…until the second dream.

Sunday night, he came again. This time he was…softer somehow. Hazy. Ethereal. His voice was thinner…farther off. Again, Mr. Virgo told me he was going away. This time it felt…kinder, gentler. I woke up and lay there in the dark. This didn’t feel like abandonment. This felt like putting the binding on a quilt, tucking the ends in neat and tidy before placing the anchor stitch. Mr. Virgo was saying goodbye. I’ve felt him with me many times in the last four and a half years. Little has seen him. She told me every time he looks at me, he smiles. She was six at the time. I think he knows I’m really, truly ok. I think he knows I’m safe with Mr. FixIt. I think he knows he doesn’t have to watch over me anymore. Does this mean my grief is “over”? No…it means it’s morphed into yet another form. This shape-shifting beast has been largely tamed at this point. It will raise its head every now and again, but for the most part…it is healed. Scarred, but healed. Maybe this has more to do with ME letting go.

I will always notice the birds and I will smile in remembrance. But, I will never again think of them as coming from Mr. Virgo. ❤️

“Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.” ‭‭Hebrews‬ ‭4:16‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Road Trip: Day Eleven..."You Are Worthy"

Mon, 17 Jul 2017 01:55:28 -0600

Ok, we’re going to church here in a little bit…fair warning. But first, I want to share something cool that happened. As I settled in TOW-Wanda last night after a fun-filled day with the family, I heard the soft hoot of an owl. A Great Horned Owl, to be precise. I jumped up and quietly opened the camper door only to see a pair of huge owls sitting in the tree about 50-60 feet away from where I stood…in awe, I might add. This is not something one sees ordinarily. Not in the daylight and not in a large urban area. I wish Little could have been here…she is really into Harry Potter right now. She would have loved to see the owls.

Little went to church with me and really had a wonderful time. She enjoyed the worship team. She brought up points from the sermon during the day and told me I need to take her whenever I go there. We went to a friend’s house in the afternoon to help her paint her kitchen then, after a little quiet time in the afternoon, we attended a graduation party. It was a beautiful day.

Yesterday’s sermon was about the Samaritan woman at the well. The story goes, Jesus is waiting by a well while his disciples went for food. It was noon when a Samaritan woman came to the well to draw water. Jesus asked her to draw a drink for him and she objected. Jews and Samaritans did not mix company. The pastor has, of course, read this passage countless times, but recent events altered his interpretation. Last week, he and his family went on a trip to Africa to check on Missionaries they are working with. One morning, they went to the well at the base of a mountain and it was crowded with women and children from the villages above…filling their water containers to haul back up the mountain to their homes. Just to survive. And the next day and the next would find them doing the same thing. One would think the drudgery of hauling heavy loads of water back up the mountainside would create a dismal mood at the well. But, that wasn’t the case. There was much laughter, hugging, the sharing of news and stories among this community of women. This was their only social outlet…their only time to get the love and support we all so desperately need in our lives. Then they headed home, their containers full, till they descended the next morning.

As the pastor watched this activity, he thought of the Samaritan woman and a line from the scripture struck him in a way it never had before. It said the woman came to the well at about noon. Now, noon is the hottest time of the day. No one would come to the well at such a time and try to haul heavy containers of water. Why would she have chosen to come when the others were not there? What was going on in her life that would cause her to forego a sense of community. His answer lay in the rest of the scripture. The Samaritan woman had been married and divorced five times. She was living with a man who was not her husband. She was well aware of what the others thought of her and she just couldn’t face the scrutiny, the judgement, the name-calling and whispers. She was ashamed. She felt unworthy. Till she had a chance encounter with Jesus and He taught her that her worth comes from God…not from the opinions of others. That she was just as worthy in His eyes as any other.

How many times have you felt unworthy? How many times have you avoided interactions with others out of fear of condemnation? How many times have you shut down simply because it was easier than facing what others throw at you? I know I spent far too many years feeling unworthy of love, of respect, of kindness. The child of an alcoholic, the victim of childhood sexual abuse at the hands of two different men…these things set me up for low self-esteem and all the resultant destructive behaviors one does to cope. It wasn’t until I felt the unconditional love of a Father I had never known that I began to recognize my worth. I believe God sent Mr. Virgo to talk some sense into me and love some of that pain away.

You are worthy. You are loved. Don’t let anyone ever tell you that you are “less than” or “unloveable”. It simply is not true. God doesn’t want you to wait till you have your act together to come talk with Him. He loves you exactly where you are, exactly how you are, in spite of what is going on in your life. That is the message from the sermon yesterday and I just felt I needed to share that with you today. It’s Motivation Monday…time to straighten up your crown and own your worth today, dear ones. ❤️

“With this in mind, we constantly pray for you, that our God may make you worthy of his calling, and that by his power he may bring to fruition your every desire for goodness and your every deed prompted by faith. We pray this so that the name of our Lord Jesus may be glorified in you, and you in him, according to the grace of our God and the Lord Jesus Christ.” ‭‭2 Thessalonians‬ ‭1:11-12‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Road Trip: Day Ten..."She Is My Crown"

Sun, 16 Jul 2017 01:55:59 -0600

Dear God in Heaven…thank you for bringing this small human into my life! She and her sister are the delights of my life. Yesterday was our semi-annual “Nana and Little’s Day of Fun!” Each grandchild gets to pick and choose what they want to do with Nana, where and what they want to eat, and how the day and night will play out. Big is thirteen now so we pretty much go shopping and have lunch although last summer she did want to go to the Denver Aquarium with me. Little is only ten and she is still all about the fun we can have. Her day is always centered around shopping, doing a craft or baking, and a sleepover in TOW-Wanda. She told everyone at the mall what the significance of the day was and what we’ve done and what we’re going to do. She’s like me…gregarious, funny, creative. Her sister is the thinker, brilliant, caring…strong and tender.

Little always comes up with the funniest things. She is deep and profound and hilariously, seriously funny. Our first stop was 2nd & Charles…a bookstore where you can sell or trade your old books, movies, CD’s…even vinyl. There are three bins out front filled with free stuff. Yesterday, I picked up a book by Michael Moore, a cookbook with gluten free recipes, a Dr. Who Christmas Ornament still in the box, and Audubon’s Field Guide on Insects and Spiders of North America. Not a bad haul. As little and I rummaged through what was left in the bins, she came across a coloring activity sheet from either a Sunday School or Vacation Bible School. Jesus was standing with several children and someone had placed a sticker over his mouth. Little turned to me and said…“Nana…I can’t tell if this is Jesus or a Jedi.” For some reason that just totally cracked us both up and the more we laughed, the funnier it got. Joy…sheer joy. This is my reward for being puked on at 3:00am…for putting up with a sassy pants teenaged girl…for the pain of letting her grow and get married and move to the opposite end of the country. This. This sweet child and her sister.

Last night was dinner out with the other grandparents and a viewing of the first Harry Potter movie with popcorn. We “camped” in the driveway in TOW-Wanda. This morning is church with my girl. My heart is so full. ❤️

“Children’s children are a crown to the aged, and parents are the pride of their children.” ‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭17:6‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Road Trip: Day Seven..."So, You Thought You Were Done, Eh?"

Thu, 13 Jul 2017 01:55:27 -0600

I ran an errand yesterday morning. I didn’t have much of an appetite. I had my coffee. I snapped the picture of the odometer to show you how much I drove in one week. The cloud cover was grey and threatened thunderstorms all day. And soon…my mood matched the grey skies and I retreated to TOW-Wanda to figure out what was going on. First off…I’m flat out exhausted. Pulling this big of a camper is harder than pulling little TOW-Wanda. I’m more convinced than ever that she’s going south to storage and be used as our winter refuge as snowbirds. Second…much as I was hoping not to, the altitude is still an adjustment. I’m just smart enough this time not to go higher and exercise till I acclimate. Third…I’m still healing from my concussion. Fourth…I did not eat right as I traveled. Fifth…I miss Mr. FixIt and he won’t be here till next week. And Sixth….ahhhhh, Sixth. Grief caught up with me yesterday…not only by my surroundings, but also by these damn Facebook Memories. Damn. Damn, damn, damn. I know I tell you often…“You don’t ‘get over’ grief…you get through it”. And yes…that is SO true. And maybe if the first five things weren’t in play, and if FB hadn’t decided to smack me up the side of the head with pictures of Mr. Virgo’s grave, it wouldn’t have hit me so hard. But, they were there, and I am here. Colorado. This is where Mr. Virgo “lives”. Well, the memories of him. They are strong…and yesterday, I was weak.

I had a massage scheduled with my daughter. As nice as that sounds…I couldn’t do it. I didn’t have it in me. All I wanted was a popsicle and Mr. FixIt. And, as much as I miss him….I was actually glad he wasn’t here yesterday. I will not use him as a pacifier for grief. That is a road that, while comforting to know I have someone who has my back, is best navigated alone…at least for a time. Till I get it together. Twenty-four hours…thirty-six tops. I mattress surfed. I read. I played games on my phone to keep my mind moving. Amazingly, I didn’t cry. I talked it out with Mr. FixIt and with my family who love me more than anything. And I practiced self care. Self soothing.

Knowing how to navigate these waves is the gift I received from having been down this particular road so many times over the last four years. Knowing the waves aren’t as high, they don’t hit quite as hard, and they don’t last quite as long…those are the gems God threw down in the flames along this fiery path and that I obediently picked up…whether I understood their importance at the time or not. Today is another day. And if I’m not tip-top…there’s tomorrow. It’s the nature of grief. It’s not even about Mr. Virgo himself, really. I’ve reconciled myself to the loss. No, this is like an echo of pain and memory that opens a door in your heart…for just a few moments. Just long enough to let pain leak out and spill on the scars like a wash of acid. So, you retreat and set about scrubbing up the mess. You don’t stuff it back in the hole. That makes it worse the next time. Instead, you sit with it. Roll it around between your fingers till it turns to dust, then you sweep it away and quietly close the door. Till the next time. ❤️

“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.” ‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭43:2‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Road Trip: Day 4

Mon, 10 Jul 2017 01:55:17 -0600

This is the part of the trip where I’m always ready to be there yet I have a long way to go. It would be one thing if I were just meandering along without an agenda, but I’ve got grandbabies to see and I’m ready to be there NOW! Between not being able to drive over 60 (you shouldn’t drive over 65 while towing anyway!) and all the construction zones at 45-55mph, this trip feels like it takes forever. I always stop every four hours, stretch, get a bite to eat, use the facilities, and stretch out on the bed for a power nap of 30 minutes or so. When I stopped at 5:30 yesterday, I walked around to the passenger side of the camper and about a third of the trim over the wheel well was flapping in the breeze. I took it off then went to Walmart for a package of nuts and bolts to screw it back on securely. By the time I was done with all that, it was after 8:00. I started watching for signs for campgrounds and before long I had a site secured in Kan-Do Kampground. I really enjoyed speaking with the owner at checkin…she was a hoot!

It was pretty hot and stuffy when I pulled in so as soon as I got the electric hooked up, I flipped on the AC and…nothing. The switch “hesitated” a couple of times last year so I imagine it needs fixed. It seems like an awful lot of “bugs” are showing up this year. I don’t know if that’s normal or not, but I don’t like it.

Church yesterday morning was very nice. A lot of people attended. I’m going to try to get an early start this morning but don’t know if I’ll make it all the way to Denver today. Safety first! ❤️

“But as for you, be strong and do not give up, for your work will be rewarded.”” ‭‭2 Chronicles‬ ‭15:7‬ ‭NIV‬‬

A Room With A View

Wed, 05 Jul 2017 01:55:46 -0600

The last few nights have been insufferably hot and muggy in the farmhouse. There is a room air conditioner in the living room, but unless you’re sleeping on the couch, it doesn’t effectively cool down the house and ends up running up the electric bill to no avail. The best alternative is TOW-Wanda. Equipped with fans and open windows, it’s been pretty darned comfortable out there. I will miss this view of the bank along the driveway here at the farm. The lush green of West Virginia summers may bring bugs and humidity, but the foliage is a sight to see any given day of the week. Colorado is semi-arid so it is a sharp contrast from here. At least it’s a dry heat, right?

I emptied out the belly of the camper yesterday and cleaned the floors. I reorganized the contents of the big tub of odds and ends I keep down there. After repacking, I cleaned out the fridge, scrubbed the floors and vacuumed the carpets. The pantry needs vacuumed and wiped out then restocked. The bathroom needs a good scrubbing and I need to organize the storage under the bed and in various cabinets. Since this new truck doesn’t have the torque the old one had, I need to be more conscious about my weight.

I’ve made a list of last minute items for the trip. I’ll go into town for those today. Tomorrow I head out on another segment of The Grand Adventure. The longest Mr. FixIt and I have been separated was when I went to Colorado for a month at Christmas. We didn’t like it one bit. I so wanted to tell you about that homecoming back then but it was not the right time. I can tell you now. I flew in and out of Dayton because it is SO much cheaper and my dear friend Cindy lets me park at her house so I don’t have to pay for parking. That drive to the farm from Dayton felt like it took forever. I knew Mr. FixIt was at the farm waiting for me and I could hardly contain myself. It was after dark when I pulled into the driveway and I stopped dead in my tracks. For the first time since I was a child, the house was decorated. There were trees lit on the front porch and a large lit-up star on the second floor above the porch between the two windows! It made me cry. I jumped out of my truck and ran into the house squealing like a little girl. Mr. FixIt walked out from the living room and I stopped, mouth agape. He was wearing charcoal dress pants, a crisp white shirt, and a red sweater vest. He took my breath away and I knew…anyone who would do this for me was a keeper. He knew how much Christmas means to me and how much I love this house. He knew I missed having a country Christmas at the farm, so he made sure I had one on my return. What a wonderful guy!

My babies live in Colorado. I have to see them as often as I can. In the meantime, Mr. FixIt has obligations he must attend to here. We couldn’t stand the thought of being apart two whole months so he’s flying out to join me for three weeks in the middle of my trip so he can meet the family. We’ll go camping and sightseeing as he has never spent time in Colorado. The kitties are covered, the farm is being watched, my sweetheart is coming to see me, and I get to spend quality time with my girls! What’s not to love about that? Sweetness. Sheer sweetness! ❤️

“Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” ‭‭Ecclesiastes‬ ‭4:9-12‬ ‭NIV

The Weekend Walkabout

Mon, 03 Jul 2017 01:55:23 -0600

I’m a procrastinator. I have a list as long as my arm to prepare for this trip west. I could have spent the entire day yesterday cleaning and organizing the trailer, doing laundry, straightening up the house. But yesterday was the Lord’s day, so Mr. FixIt and I went to church first. The rest of the day was ours. We went my mother’s family’s reunion and made the introductions. Mutual admiration was expressed. Everyone loves Mr. FixIt. He’s highly personable and, like me, strangers are just friends he hasn’t met yet. We went from there to the City Park and wandered around the carnival. We played a few cards of bingo. We went to a car show. We stopped and visited friends. One of the coolest things about dating Mr. FixIt is…we have a ton of mutual friends so the comfort level is already there. It’s the easiest thing I’ve ever done. This man knows people wherever we go. Literally. My family reunion? A guy that worked at the plant. Church? The daughter of a friend in his bowling league. Car show? Two guys we went to high school with. It’s crazy…and SO fun!

We ended the day with dinner out.

We.

We’ve been “us” for several months now yet it still surprises us sometimes. Because I have been trying to keep him under wraps, my posts have always been “I”. Now that we’ve decided to “go live” so to speak, there seems to be a bit of a learning curve. Like remembering to introduce the other. We’re at that point in our relationship where we’ve just passed this margin threshold where we have built up enough recent memories together to say …“Remember when we…” Oh, I love that! The icing on the cake is our shared memories from high school. I actually remember him from 2nd grade but he has no memory of me back then.

We.

Odd…but so lovely and exciting and full of promise. I love when he tells stories of “us”. I love that he got teary eyed when he read some of your comments about finding each other. I love that even though he had a difficult childhood, he is a kind, gentle, peaceful man. I love how he reaches for my hand when we stand to worship and pray in church. I love this man…my lifelong friend…my best friend.

Someone commented yesterday that she didn’t understand my once a pickle, always a pickle analogy meaning I will always be a widow. The thing is, grief has no rule book. She felt remarrying meant she was no longer a widow. At what point does the pain of grief become fond memories? It’s different for everyone. And grief is variable by time. You can be fine, think it’s gone, truly fall in love, yet still be blindsided by a chance encounter, or the smell of familiar cologne. The way the light slants in at supper time. The sound of your grandchildren playing. Memories remain alive when you feed them. No, I’ll always be a widow. But that doesn’t mean I can’t be joyful. And crazy in love. ❤️

“No one will be able to stand against you all the days of your life. As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you.” ‭‭Joshua‬ ‭1:5‬ ‭NIV‬‬

TOW-Wanda is Home!

Sun, 02 Jul 2017 01:55:39 -0600

First of all…OMGosh! Your response to my post yesterday was more than I could have ever imagined. Thank you all so much for the lovely comments, likes, and shares. You warmed my heart! I was so worried that introducing a new party to this adventure would change the dynamic and people would drop away. It turns out, more people tuned in so we’re off to a good start in this new chapter of Mr. FixIt and me! Of course, grief is a lifelong process so I will still touch base on how that affects me as we go along. Ever the teacher.

There’s an interesting timbre to this new man. None of the men I have been with in my sixty-four years were mechanically inclined. Mr. FixIt, however, is a mechanical engineer and a lifelong camper. Imagine how difficult it was for him to sit back and watch as I hooked up and unhooked my camper. Oh…this is entirely new territory for this guy! He wanted to do the heavy stuff for me, and while I certainly could have sandbagged and let him, I still will be traveling alone some of the time so I need to keep up my skills and know for certain how things have been hooked up. I know, I know…control issues. I asked him sweetly to wait till I got what I needed to do done, then I would share some of the other duties. I also told him when we camp in his campers (he has two!) I will sit in a chair and watch him till he has a job for me to do. I made it up to him by doing all the cooking and fixed some pretty fabulous meals! He did a wonderful job changing out the gas lines for me and helped me troubleshoot the electrical bug we had. He doesn’t get the name Mr. FixIt for nothing!

When we arrived home I told him I needed to back the camper into the driveway rather than pull it in like I usually do. With the vintage camper up at the end of the drive, there was no room to get the truck out and around the camper. Our road is a narrow country lane and the driveway is tight. I have to say, I totally impressed Mr. FixIt with my mad backing skills! He was bragging about me at dinner Friday night when we met 20 of our classmates at a local Italian restaurant. I don’t think this guy has ever run across a woman like me. He just looks at me in amazement. It makes me smile.

I washed the exterior of the camper yesterday. It hadn’t been cleaned since I was in Myrtle Beach in September of 2015. It looks so much nicer now. I need to do a deep cleaning inside in the next few days, reorganize, and pack her up for the trip cross country. I leave Thursday. I am traveling alone so I won’t be divulging my exact location when I’m there, but I’ll be checking in daily to give you progress reports and tips for traveling solo in a camper. Mr. FixIt gets to come join me in a couple of weeks and meet the family. That’s exciting!!! In the meantime, he’ll be holding down the fort for me and keep the farm going.

Back off girls…I saw him first! ❤️

“Each one should test their own actions. Then they can take pride in themselves alone, without comparing themselves to someone else, for each one should carry their own load.” ‭‭Galatians‬ ‭6:4-5‬ ‭NIV‬‬

When "I" Becomes "We"

Sat, 01 Jul 2017 01:55:15 -0600

You could knock me over with a feather. I never, ever dreamed I would get another chance at a deep, loving relationship after losing Mr. Virgo. I’ve walked this path of widowhood for over four years now. At first, I was adamant. I would never have another relationship because I would never go through this again. It was just too hard. I had an ill-advised attempt at dating just five months after my husband died suddenly. It didn’t take me long to figure out that was a bandaid that I hastily slapped on the gaping hole where my heart had been. When I ripped that bandage off, the pain was even more unbearable. I didn’t try again for another year. My second attempt wasn’t much better. Both were perfectly nice men. They just weren’t for me. And the timing was still too soon. I had a lot of healing to do before I could risk dating so I made up my mind I’d just give it to God. I told Him if He had someone for me He’d have to just dump him in my lap because I wasn’t going out there looking anymore. It was too hard on me and it wasn’t fair to involve men and break hearts along the way.

I’ve kept myself busy. I’ve traveled. I’ve deepened my relationship with God because He became my primary focus. My writing grew in depth and meaning. My reach broadened. I had everything I needed. But I still wanted someone to share it all with. I was planning to live up at the river again when I came back to West Virginia last August. Then I got the call that my aunt wasn’t doing well and was going to go live with her brother. My uncle asked me to live on the family farm. And I put down more roots than I’ve had since I sold my Colorado house three years ago. It has been an amazing time of healing for me. I have a wonderful group of friends and a rich social life here.

Sometime in the fall, I ran into an old friend from high school. I’ve known him for almost 49 years. I was fifteen and he was sixteen when we met. He was on the stage crew and I was in the art department. One day I was up on a ladder painting a backdrop. I heard someone clear his throat. I looked over and there was this tall, lanky redhead with the most beautiful blue eyes and an impish grin. We became fast friends and always looked for each other in the halls. Funny…we never dated in high school. We were both shy. We both went on and dated others and after graduation, our paths went in different directions. We never forgot each other though and were always so happy to catch up at class reunions.

Sometime before Thanksgiving, we ran into each other and the timing was finally right for us. He invited me out for lunch and the rest, as they say, is history. He understands me. He is tender and sensitive to my needs as a widow. He has made room in our relationship for Mr. Virgo because he realizes he is only gone physically. He listens to my stories. He knows Mr. Virgo would have been the kind of guy he would have respected and enjoyed being around.

I’ve been leaving breadcrumbs for you here. I’ve spoken of “my friend”, “my traveling companion”, and even his blog identity…“Mr. FixIt”. He has fixed many things for me…around the farm, around my heart, around my life. He is so much fun to be around. Sweet, attentive, open, honest to a fault…an honorable man I am proud to be with. We wanted to keep this to ourselves for a while for a number of reasons…not the least of which was just savoring every moment with it being just us. Now, we’re ready to step out into the world and walk through anything life hands us…hand in hand. I wasn’t sure how to tell you. I am not sure how this news will be received. But, since the very beginning, this blog has been about speaking openly and honestly about my grief journey…and this is just another twisty turn in it. My grief is not over. It will never be over. I’ve gotten through the worst of it, by far. Even though I’m in a relationship, I am still a widow. Once a pickle, always a pickle…you don’t get to go back to being a fresh cucumber again. I have always wanted my story to be about my love for God and to give you hope. Hope that, if you want to travel, pull a little camper, write a blog, or fall in love again…you can. Life comes to a screeching halt after the death of a spouse. Everyone’s grief is different…but, you CAN find joy again. I’m living proof of that.

I hope you will stick around and see what comes next. I hope you’ll share the love and joy and hope. It’s all about beauty. It’s all about love. It’s all about life. ❤️

“Do two walk together unless they have agreed to do so?” ‭‭Amos‬ ‭3:3‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Happy Birthday, Mr. Virgo!

Sat, 10 Sep 2016 01:30:02 -0600

You were the brightest star in my night sky. You carried my heart on a velvet pillow. You were my handsome man. You taught me how to live without you. You taught me how to love, how to trust. You showed me there were good men who stay.

With every passing year, you step back a bit into the shadows. It hurts, but it doesn't. It makes me sad, but it doesn't. Having you, and losing you, have become a part of who I am. As real as my wrinkles and my right arm. You are a part of me. The scars on my heart will mark where you sat in my life. Thank God I can think of you now and smile. Thank God I got to have you.
You would have been 66 today. Instead, you are forever 62. At the top of your game. And...I will always, always love you!

❤️

“I thank my God every time I remember you.”
‭‭Philippians‬ ‭1:3‬ ‭NIV‬‬

The Bottom Line

Tue, 06 Sep 2016 01:30:26 -0600

Ok, I'm preaching a little today, so if this isn't your thing, come back tomorrow. This one just had to get air time. Every other Sunday, I attend Pub Church...a come as you are gathering in the back room of a local micro brewery. After ordering food and libations, we are led by a pastor in prayer. Then he presents a topic for discussion and opens to the room. This past Sunday we discussed Luke 14: 25-35 where Jesus tells his fellow dinner guests that if they do not hate their parents, their families, themselves...they can't be disciples. This is a confusing parable, to say the least. Especially since one of God's own commandments is to honor your parents. Since God doesn't contradict himself, we are forced to look further into the message Jesus is trying to convey. Does He really want you to hate your parents? Of course not. He's using hyperbole to get the guests' attention and make a point. In order to follow Him...TRULY follow Him...you can't put any love higher than the love you have for Him.

I have been re-reading Pastor Rick Warren's Purpose Driven Life. He repeatedly drives home the point that you cannot serve two masters and your love for God must be first and foremost in your heart and mind. God wants you to be in an intimate relationship with Him.

Love.

Over and over, I've been reading about the transformational effects of love. We love our families. Our parents comprised our entire universe in our formative years. Our siblings and cousins were our first friends. And, is there anything more intense than falling in love...whether you're a star struck teen or in your third trimester of life, falling and being in love is an intense experience. God wants us to love him with that same fervor.

Love.

It's the bottom line. The lowest common denominator. Love has singlehandedly supported the music industry for centuries. Music is all about love, whether gaining or losing it. Art, theater, photography...even sports. It's all about love. Love raises your vibration thus raising the vibration of those around you, of your community, village, country, world...the universe.

Love. It's good for what ails you. It's good for what ails the world. Practice loving...from the lowest to the highest.

❤️

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”‭‭
1 Corinthians‬ ‭13:4-7‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Happy Birthday, Judy Ann Grabowski!

Mon, 11 Jul 2016 01:30:47 -0600

She was a little towheaded tomboy but she loved a twirly dress and shiny party shoes with buckles. She loved her Hobby Hobby doll. She said mazagine and cackeltator. She "put on a show" to anyone who would stand still long enough, dragging her step stool out for a stage. She learned to be tough because we didn't have time nor money for foolishness. She never broke a bone on my watch but boy when she did, she was steel. She flew alone from the age of four to go see her Dad across the country. I think about that now and can't believe I let her go. It was a different world back then.

I taught her to drive a stick shift when I was nine months pregnant with her sister....and we all lived to tell the tale. I saw her through homecomings and proms and college and her wedding. She gave me two beautiful granddaughters. There were things I wish I had done better, but she has turned into the strongest woman I know. A good woman. A hard worker. A good wife and mother. The kind of woman you want for a friend because she'll hold up the mirror and slap you and show you who you are so you can grow. She is direct and maybe sometimes a bit too blunt. I love her with the white hot heat of the sun, my sunshine girl. I am so, so proud of her.

Happy Birthday, my sweet girl!

❤️

“I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers.”
Ephesians 1:16 NIV

Objects in the Mirror

Thu, 30 Jun 2016 01:30:47 -0600

I quickly texted my nephew and arranged to meet him for dinner. This is my sweet boy that I grabbed from his mama and set off for the store the moment I got my hands on him. This is the boy with the big eyes and the red corduroy blankie that greeted me the morning his baby sister was being born and we hardly knew each other. This is the little guy I slid down hills with on cardboard. The one who honored me with a speaking part in his Bar Mitzvot. The one who hugged me in front of his friends when he graduated high school. The one who still calls me Aunt Ginny. I didn't get to go to his college graduation, but I knew we would catch up when I got here. And, in keeping with my new rules, we have experiences instead of giving stuff. So, last night we sat for three hours over dinner and talked...as adults. It was really our first time to do that.

I'm so proud of this young man. He has a big heart. He has a lot on the ball. He starts his first postgraduate job in August but first he and a buddy are touring the Philippines and Vietnam. What a wonderful opportunity.

After I caught up on what's been going on in his life, he asked about mine. He knew about the New York Times article and getting an agent but there were plenty of blanks to fill in. Then he asked me about the book I'm writing. I told him the story and his jaw dropped. That's when I realized...he was only six years old when I overdosed and nearly died. He hadn't known any of that had happened. Since he's an adult now, and will be reading it some day, I shared the whole story. Love his heart. He's such a compassionate young man. When I was done he asked if he could tell me he's proud of me. That meant more to me than just about anything.

I couldn't talk him into dessert. We left it at salad and a beer. But we gained a closeness last night that no amount of money could buy. And I am so, so proud of my A-Man!

Looking back over the past 16 years with someone you love who was totally unaware of what happened, made me realize those little words on the passenger side mirror are really true. Objects really are closer than they appear.

❤️

“If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing.”
1 Corinthians 13:2 NIV

Breakfast Talk

Wed, 29 Jun 2016 01:30:21 -0600

A lot can be learned over a stack of pancakes when you're enjoying them with a nine-year-old. For instance, she is very proud of the fact she is overcoming a learning disability and succeeding in school. She loves math and reading and writes stories. She tells me she's a "maker", just like me. This one is like me in so many ways. Demonstrative, emotional, tender hearted, and oh so funny.

As the pancakes slowly disappeared, she started talking about God. We've talked about God many times and I am always very careful not to be too pushy about religion. I was scared away from the church around her age. Yesterday was different though. She started talking about Jesus. I asked her who Jesus was. She said "The Son of God. He came here to give us the chance to be as perfect as we can be." I asked her how she knew about God and Jesus. She said "Nana, I was born knowing them. I've ALWAYS known them." I asked her if she remembered being with them before she came here and she said "No, it doesn't work that way, Nana. You forget that part when you're born." Out of the mouths of babes.

We spent the rest of the meal talking about grief and how it affects people differently. We talked about the waves and how sometimes you're fine and sometimes you're not and you never really know when it will bother you. We talked about promises and how from now on, when I'm asked to go do things, I'm going to say how much I'd love to do that and it will depend on how I'm feeling when the time comes. She looked at me with steady eyes and said, "That's a good idea, Nana. It will keep everyone from being disappointed, including you." Oh, how I love this kid. She's my mirror.

Yesterday included a day at the zoo. We rode the train and had lunch outdoors. We came back to cool off and snooze. We finished the day with the BEST barbecue EVER and went swimming. Little ended the night with "This was the best day ever, Nana!" It doesn't matter to her what we do, she says...as long as she gets to do it with me. Today we ask for travel mercies as we drive back to Colorado.

❤️

“Then people brought little children to Jesus for him to place his hands on them and pray for them. But the disciples rebuked them. Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.””
Matthew 19:13-14 NIV

Photo Credit: thehillsbar.com

Male Bashing

Tue, 10 May 2016 01:30:47 -0600

Mr. Virgo and I watched a lot of TV. A LOT. I hate TV. And since I have rarely watched it the last three years, I am not so desensitized as I once was. There was one issue we were always on the lookout for though. And that was male bashing. It was something neither of us would tolerate or listen to. I hate seeing commercials that slam anyone. Some are so obvious they might as well flat out say men are stupid. It's not even subtle. Mr. Virgo used to say, "If this were reversed and it was a man saying those things about a woman, there would be hell to pay." And he was right, of course.

Hatred does not cease by hatred, but only by love. This is the eternal rule.
Buddha

Love is the key. Love and respect. Without it, the energy level on the planet just keeps sinking. Speak up and speak out against hatred and bullying of any kind.

❤️

“Don’t speak evil against each other, dear brothers and sisters. If you criticize and judge each other, then you are criticizing and judging God’s law. But your job is to obey the law, not to judge whether it applies to you.”
James 4:11 NLT

Mother's Day

Sun, 08 May 2016 01:30:55 -0600

Mother's Day originated in West Virginia. Just another service we provide here in the Mountain State. My mom was a beautiful woman and I miss her desperately. There are so many things I'd love to share with her on our weekly phone call on Sunday nights. First, I'd tell her I'm a Christian now. She would never have thought ill of me for any of my choices, but she would have been happy. Second, I wish she could have met her first great grandchild. Mama loved little pink bundles. Third, I wish she could have met Mr. Virgo. She would have loved him. And fourth, I wish she could see how wonderful my brother Gary is doing.

I miss her something awful.

I wish all of you a Happy Mother's Day. And I also want to remember a certain person whose baby was recently born sleeping. Let us not forget those brave mothers with empty arms.

❤️?❤️

“David replied, “I fasted and wept while the child was alive, for I said, ‘Perhaps the LORD will be gracious to me and let the child live.’ But why should I fast when he is dead? Can I bring him back again? I will go to him one day, but he cannot return to me.””
2 Samuel 12:22-23 NLT

#CoffeeWithLove

Sun, 01 May 2016 01:30:31 -0600

My Sister friend Michelle had a running bet with her dad. If she had snow in her North facing yard on May 1st, he owed her a cup of coffee and if she didn't, she bought him a cup. He died on May 1, 2013 just six weeks after Mr. Virgo. She really misses her dad and thinks he might have won the bet this year...and sure wishes she could buy him that cup of coffee today.

How many times have we thought, "If I could just talk with him one more time, I'd be ok with this." That's a lie we tell ourselves, of course. Because you wouldn't be ok. You just want to barter with God. Unfortunately, it doesn't work that way.

So, in honor of Michelle and her wonderful dad, her friend Frank suggested we all buy someone we love a cup of coffee on May 1st, then Christy suggested we tell about it and use the hashtag #CoffeeWithLove to share it. I think that's a great idea! Let's make it a "thing"!

❤️☕️❤️

““Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe also in me. My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going.””
John 14:1-4 NIV

Condensation

Mon, 25 Apr 2016 01:30:57 -0600

Condensation means "to be reduced to a simpler form".

I was sitting in Church yesterday, listening to our Pastor speak passionately about God coming back to help us, over and over and over again. And the love He gives us isn't just for us. It's for us to give away, to help the next person up. God's love is a gift we are given with the specific purpose of giving it all away. Such is the nature of love.

I've been thinking a lot about love lately. Love comes in all shapes and sizes, all colors and descriptions. I love the color blue. I love rock and roll and country and classical music. I love the paintings of Renoir and Van Gogh and Leonardo DaVinci and my friends Marion Mayer, Rande Brewer, and Fred Haberlein. I love the sculptures of Rodan. I love fishing and being out on any body of water. I love to travel. I love to fly and drive. I love my children and grandchildren...my brother, my family, my friends. These are all easy to love. Loving my enemies can be a challenge, I suppose. I can count on one hand really, the number of people who I genuinely dislike. But...while I may not go out of my way to have contact with them, I still love them.

When you condense everything, every little thing in this world, the lowest common denominator is love. It is the essence of life. And...while it is the baseline of all things, it is also the apogee of our life's purpose. I love, therefore I am. When I love, I give my whole heart. This has been known to come back and bite me on occasion. But I would rather love with everything I have...even if it's unrequited...than to never experience the feeling love gives me when it rushes out of my heart.

Nothing but love.

❤

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.”
1 Corinthians 13:4-13 NIV

Love Languages

Wed, 20 Apr 2016 01:30:42 -0600

I had a profound insight yesterday. I mean....deeply profound, as in "How could I possibly have been with that man for 21 years and not "get" this?" I had my hand on someone's shoulder and I could feel the discomfort this caused. I didn't think it was in an "I don't like YOU" sort of way, but I could tell something was amiss. So, I asked. "Does my touching you make you uncomfortable?" The answer was, "I'm just not a real touchy person. It isn't personal." Knowing this person as I do, I believe that.

I went about my day, met a friend for lunch, and ran errands. Sometime in the afternoon, I flashed back to my second marriage. My ex-husband was not a touchy-feely person. It is not his "love language". David Chapman wrote a book in 1995, The Five Love Languages. We express our love and affection by gifts, quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service (devotion), and physical touch. According to Chapman, "your chosen love language is the way you would most like to receive love from your companion." Physical touch and words of affirmation are my choices. Looking back, I would say my ex's was acts of service. You're not supposed to give what you want to receive. You're supposed to give what your partner CAN receive. Wow.

I spent the first ten years of that marriage trying to make him into a touchy feely guy. I spent the second ten years trying to pretend it didn't matter to me. It never, ever occurred to me to ASK him if touching bothered him. It just ticked me off that he wouldn't snuggle. After all, I was doing my level best to TEACH him. Oh, my gosh! He must have felt so smothered and overwhelmed with me fawning all over him all the time. Communication. Why does it have to be so tricky when you're young?

I have always been a very physical person. I'm expansive and wave my hands around to emphasize points in a story. I love on people freely. I can't help it....love just overflows and I sometimes don't know what to do with it all because I love everybody. I didn't realize things might have been different with my ex if we both would have learned a new language instead of being so angry that we didn't speak the same one. Honestly, it probably wouldn't have made a difference in the outcome of that relationship but this was quite an eye opener. Why do we have to get to our 60's before we really start to "get" it?

❤️

“Take control of what I say, O LORD, and guard my lips.”
Psalms 141:3 NLT

A Grandmother's Hands

Sat, 16 Apr 2016 01:30:00 -0600

Grandma's hands were a particular fixation of mine. I would hold her wise and wonderful hands in mine and I can remember watching them become more and more similar as I myself aged. Hers were remarkably soft considering all the hard work she did with them. From digging potatoes to scrubbing on a washboard, I never recall her using creams and lotions save for the occasional swipe of Bag Balm before quilting.

I remember the quick dip of her index finger into whatever she was mixing up, gauging by taste alone whether the cake would rise or fall. I remember the beat up lid of an oval roaster she turned over in her lap to hold the beans she snapped or the potatoes she peeled for our supper. I remember her dipping her hand in a bag of lime or Sevin to dust her garden as I worried for her safety. She held babies and wiped away tears. She made jelly bread for me every time I walked in the door. She folded them in prayer every day and tied a shiny dime in the corner of our hanky every Sunday for the offering plate. She held the hand of her greatest love and life partner as they watched the news together every evening. She worked the pages of her Bible as she sat vigil beside his coffin in the living room of the old farmhouse after he passed, wiping her own tears when she thought no one was looking.

I remember the last fold over apple pie she baked for me, expertly rolling out her pie dough she always claimed wasn't fit to eat but I would die for to this day. But I think my fondest memory of Grandma's hands were the summer I was five. She carefully took the stitches out of some feed sacks and made us matching aprons. I was SO proud as I stood on the red enamel kitchen stool and she tied mine in the back. I couldn't see her hands, but I felt them as they brushed my back making quick work of the task. She turned me to face her, cupped my face in those wise and wonderful hands, and kissed me on both cheeks and my world was complete. The person I loved most in this world loved me like I was the only one.

I miss those hands. Someday they'll brush my face again. Someday.

❤️

““But watch out! Be careful never to forget what you yourself have seen. Do not let these memories escape from your mind as long as you live! And be sure to pass them on to your children and grandchildren.”
Deuteronomy 4:9 NLT

Photo Credit: Unknown...it's a gem from Facebook I borrowed, but if you know who took it, please tell me so I can give credit where credit is due.

Make Love, Not War

Sat, 05 Mar 2016 02:30:31 -0600

The angry, hateful rhetoric being slung around like a bunch of schoolyard bullies continues to dismay me. And it makes me wonder...where are the hippies? Where are the pacifists, the tree huggers, the flower children? I want them back. I want them to protest. I want them to stand up and say, "No...we won't take this!" I want them to put flowers into the weapons that are destroying us!

Where are they? What happened to Flower Power? We fought for something. We stood up for our rights. Everyone seems so complacent anymore. I have nothing to say about who you vote for. It is your right to choose in this country. But I do have to ask you...BEG you to exercise your right to vote. It's an important right that was hard fought for.

I wanted to be a hippie but my mom wouldn't let me. Wanda Belle would have tanned my hide if I acted like a "wild nelly". I know every generation thinks the world is going to h$&@ in a hand basket, but we've never seen anything like this. I want the peace freaks back.

What do you all think? Where did they go?

✌️❤️?

“Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.”
Matthew 5:9 NIV

Outlove Your Neighbor

Fri, 04 Mar 2016 02:30:35 -0600

No, that isn't a typo. I said "outlove", not outlive. To borrow an idea from my pastor's sermon last Sunday, I'm going to run with this one.

"Love your neighbor as yourself."
Luke 10:27

We are called to love one another...as we love ourselves. If this is true, there must be many who do not think very highly of themselves because there's a lot of hatred and anger in the world. There's a lot of name calling, people bashing, racism, bigotry, intolerance. That can only come from a lack of love.

The pastor spoke of the story of the Good Samaritan. Jesus was teaching when an expert in the law stood up to test Him. He wanted a definition of exactly who is a neighbor. So Jesus, as he often did to illustrate His point, told a story. A traveler was accosted by robbers, stripped of his clothes, beaten, and left for dead by the roadside. A priest was coming and saw the man, bleeding profusely, and crossed the way to avoid him. Maybe he was late for an appointment. Maybe he was squeamish at the sight of blood. For whatever reason, he avoided the man who needed help. Then along came a Levite. This would be someone who assists in the Temple. He too crossed over and avoided the wounded man. Perhaps he felt his station was too lofty to stop and care for him. Perhaps he had just changed into his best robes and didn't want to get in the gutter and get dirty with the traveler's blood. Then along came a Samaritan. Now, a Samaritan was the lowest of the low in the society of that day and age. Samaritans were never even spoken to. The Samaritan saw the man lying there, ran to him, ministered to his wounds and carried him off to find lodging. He paid for someone to feed and house this stranger. The lowest of the low loved the most.

We love the downtrodden...to a certain extent. We think we would be there for someone...no matter what. But would we? Really? There are often conditions to love. Sometimes, love is bought and paid for. "I love you, but..." Getting in there and loving someone...really serving...is messy. We get their stuff all over us. It's inconvenient. It is often uncomfortable. It needs a greater love than we feel we are capable of.

So, what would happen if we "outloved" each other? What would happen in the world if, in every interaction we had with our neighbors, we said to ourselves, "I am going to love them more than they could ever possibly love me!"? What if we all did that? The only way is up if outloving someone is your entire agenda. They didn't love you back? That's ok...outlove them anyway.

Love always trumps hate. Don't be a sheep and hop on board the hatred bandwagon. Don't be part of the problem. Be part of the solution.

❤️

“Jesus said, “The first in importance is, ‘Listen, Israel: The Lord your God is one; so love the Lord God with all your passion and prayer and intelligence and energy.’ And here is the second: ‘Love others as well as you love yourself.’ There is no other commandment that ranks with these.””
Mark 12:29-31 MSG

You Can't Make Old Friends

Fri, 26 Feb 2016 02:30:18 -0600

I have the luxury, at least for the time being, of sitting down with my coffee every morning and reading your responses to my posts. There have become a number of familiar names who respond regularly. I haven't met the vast majority of you. I don't know all of your stories though I am honored when you share your hearts with me, as I share mine with you.

I feel a sort of kinship to you, although my crotchety old aunt refers to you as my "pretend friends". We are made sisters by the shared experiences of grief, of divorce, of motherhood. We are the family of woman, sharing bits and pieces of our lives as we walk each other home.

As I contemplated this yesterday, coffee in hand, my cell phone alerted me. I had a message from my friend, "Hattie". She told me she's been thinking about me a lot lately she considers me her very "specialist" old friend. It was attached to a link to Dolly Parton and Kenny Rogers' song "You Can't Make Old Friends".

I told her to hang on, I'd go watch. She watched it again as I did. My heart swelled and tears spilled down my cheeks. You see, "Hattie" isn't JUST my friend. She is my nonbiological sister. She is my soul partner.

I met "Hattie" in Sophomore Choir. She sat in front of me that first day and had a dress on made from the same fabric as mine. A white background with mod hot pink daisies with neon yellow centers. I tapped her on the shoulder and she turned to look at me. I pointed to my dress, she looked down at hers. And we laughed and laughed. "Hattie" was everything I wanted to be. Petite, long blonde hair, tan, fit, and a voice that belted out any tune she tried. She could play the piano which made me green with envy. But, what drew me to her the most was that personality. "Hattie" brought sunshine with her to every room. She walked with a determined stride. This girl had purpose and I instantly loved her.

As graduation often does, we moved in different directions in life...she eventually to the South, me way out West. "Hattie" was my mother's "other daughter" and they remained close, even vacationing together. We always stayed close but there were stretches of time we didn't actually talk. But, we always knew the other was there...with truth, love, and laughter.

As I watched this video, knowing my oldest, dearest, most special-est friend had sent it to me and was watching it with me, my heart reached across the miles and held hers...with a fierce love only old friends can elicit. I pray you have one such old friend in your life. I cannot bear the thought of standing here without her. Instead, I will love on her every chance I get. I will tell her over and over how important she has been in my life. How important she IS in my life because...you truly can't make old friends.

❤

“My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.”
John 15:12-13 NIV

When Hate Become Bigger Than Love

Tue, 23 Feb 2016 02:30:36 -0600

Gandhi urged us to be the change we want to see in the world. If we want goodness, we must be good people. Mr. Virgo called me Pollyanna because I always look for the good...always. When you look for the bad, it's all you will ever see. It becomes the lens through which you observe everything. It is poisonous, killing you and your loving heart, your caring mind.

But even I, in my eternal sunshine of being, am becoming weary. I shared a meme on my personal page yesterday. It was a picture of our President and First Lady, dancing. It wasn't meant as a political statement. The message was this. Whether you hate him, or you hate her, THEY are not the problem. HATE is the problem. I'm not talking politics here. I'm talking about the human condition and hate is rampant out there. It baffles me.

Within seconds...SECONDS....of posting this message against hatred, my page was bombarded with angry messages. From people I know. People I love. People I have trusted with my heart. It was extremely discouraging. And it hurt my soul. I know...I should have known better. I came close to touching the third rail. I took the post down. Not in defeat but for self-preservation.

I cannot hate. I've been angry enough to entertain it in my heart before and it kills me. Hate is a product. Fear begets anger which in turn begets hatred. It's a cancer. It is relentless and will not be satisfied. It is hungry. But I cannot dine at that table. I can't even hate the haters. I'm not milquetoast, either. I have opinions and I can stand up for them.

What must Jesus be thinking?

"See...I told you to love your neighbor as you love yourself. What are you doing???"

But...they've forgotten. We're ALL neighbors.

❤️

““A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.””
John 13:34-35 NIV

When Two Become One...Again

Fri, 12 Feb 2016 02:30:48 -0600

I've been trying to remember my last Valentine's Day with Mr. Virgo. By the calendar, I see it was a Thursday. I must have been at home working in my studio because my activity log on FB shows me doing a lot of networking. Marshmallow Ranch was a business page at the time. I was exchanging info with other "makers" to reach more people. I'm sure I spent a good deal of time online that day. I probably made a lovely dinner for my sweetheart. I do remember him coming in with flowers (an orchid, maybe?) and a little heart shaped cake. I know he gave me the sweetest Valentine's card.

I had no way of knowing this would be the last one. He was gone 26 days later.

This will be my 3rd Valentine's Day without Mr. Virgo. Third...thirteenth...thirtieth. What difference does it make? Gone is gone. When two become one, it opens a hole in your heart, in your life...in the world. I know many to whom it is just a day on the calendar...in this case, Sunday. I know some who still can't breathe. I have survived the first year when it felt like my brain was wrapped in gauze. I have survived the second year when my brain sizzled and burned...like a pat of butter in a too-hot pan. And now the third. The third is different. I've adjusted to being alone...for the most part. I no longer think about him every moment of every day, yet he lives in my heart. I no longer feel the sting of tears when I see his picture. I haven't cried myself to sleep in a long time...yet, when I stumble upon some tangible evidence of his presence in my life, it still accentuates his absence.

I was filling out a form online yesterday. When I came to the box for "marital" status, my choices were "single", "married", or "divorced". Something like that used to trip me up in the past. I can still call myself Mrs. even though Social Security says I am no longer "married". Yet, I'm not single. I'm on my own. It made me think about the passages we go through in life. When we marry, two become one in many ways. We move over in the framework of our lives to fit another in beside us. If we aren't careful, we get smaller so that, if we lose the one we love, it feels as though we have had half of us amputated. And in time, slowly...ever so slowly, we become more "whole". Not the same as before. No...not nearly the same as before.

I don't feel like half a person, most of the time now. There's just this hole in my heart, and in my life, and in the world. I used to fill that hole with shopping, eating, busyness... Now I cram it full of stories, and pictures, and music, and lots and lots of love. I fill it with big hugs that I give away like candy. I fill it with time spent with special people. I fill it with as much fun as I can muster. I fill it with raucous laughter. I fill it with my writing. Each word I write places another stitch in the gaping wound of my heart. The hemorrhaging has been stemmed and smaller stitches have been placed. Things are healing. I promptly address little leaks here and there. And now I am trying my hand at some decorative embroidery. I'm creating a stronger heart...a kinder heart...a gentler heart from the wounded one.

I am becoming one.

❤️

“Not that we are competent in ourselves to claim anything for ourselves, but our competence comes from God.”
2 Corinthians 3:5 NIV

Wanda Belle

Sun, 24 Jan 2016 00:24:01 -0600

Today is my sweet mama's Angelversary. It's been 12 years...it hardly seems possible. It took a full decade, and losing Mr. Virgo, before I stopped trying to pick up the phone on Sunday nights to call her. She died just six weeks before her first great grandchild was born. Oh...she would have loved these girls!

My mom was "Mom" to all my friends. She loved them all like her own. And the feelings were mutual. We had lots of slumber parties at my house and Mom had as much fun as us girls did. I could make my mom laugh till she could hardly catch her breath and that was one of my greatest joys. That woman loved to laugh and she deserved every bit of it she could get. She didn't have an easy life.

Born in Mishawauka, Indiana in 1925, Wanda Belle was the oldest surviving child of six...three boys and three girls. She wrote with an exquisite Spencerian script that I envied greatly. She was an exacting seamstress and an equally exacting taskmaster as I was learning to sew. I ripped out countless seams that weren't up to her standards. We didn't always see eye to eye about a lot of things. I am not proud of some of the ways I treated her growing up, even though she warned me of such a risk. But I loved her with abandon.

She was an overprotective mother, especially when it came to my brother, Gary. She never pushed him to do more than what she thought he was capable of due to his cerebral palsy and a developmental disability. I remember he got lost once while trying to take the public bus to her office and she was scared to death. I understand it more now because there isn't a human being on this planet that owns more real estate in my heart than my brother and my immediate family. She did the best she knew how.

She absolutely had a heart of gold. I was frustrated with her once because she had a full one quarter of her basement filled with clothes that didn't fit her. When I asked her why, she said she just wanted to help those poor people trying to have yard sales so she would buy things she thought were pretty or had a high quality fabric that she could reuse. Never mind that she hadn't sewn anything since I graduated from high school. But that's how she was...kind, generous, loving...quite naïve to the ways of the world.

She is my Angel Mama now, and my, oh my.....she surely would have LOVED Mr. Virgo! She would have thought, as I did, that he was movie-star handsome and she would have basked in the glow of his affections, as we all did. I picture him dropping by to take her out for coffee up in heaven and spoiling her more than just a little bit. She deserves that.

I miss you, Wanda Belle!

❤️

Reba Bee Bop

Mon, 18 Jan 2016 02:30:04 -0600

Sometimes I really miss having a dog. I haven't had a big dog for 15 years but when Mr. Virgo came along, he brought a little ten pound Yorkie Maltese mix. Cricket was 10 years old when she arrived so she was 17 when we sent her ahead of us to the Rainbow Bridge. She was a crotchety old woman by that time. She wouldn't let you touch her, bathe her, brush her, or trim her nails.

My last big dog (besides a very brief stint with an insane standard poodle that was much happier living with a littermate) was Sidney, my very large black lab. He was such a good boy and I dearly loved him. I just don't live a lifestyle that is conducive to being a responsible dog owner. I'm just becoming proficient at taking care of myself on my own!

The lovely yellow lab pictured is Reba, who excels at agility training. Her sister is Maggie, a golden retriever who is a therapy dog. They both loved on me all weekend and gave me lots of therapy. Their mommy is Jamie, who is one of our fellow Ranchers. She was kind enough to open her guest room, her heart, and her jacuzzi tub to this very weary traveler. I gave my second talk of the weekend yesterday and today I'm heading back to West Virginia and this long odyssey comes to an end. Now, the intense work of wrapping up the books begins.

❤️

“Then they answered Joshua, “Whatever you have commanded us we will do, and wherever you send us we will go.”
Joshua 1:16 NIV

Growing Up

Mon, 11 Jan 2016 02:30:50 -0600

Twelve years ago next month I got a new name. "Nana". My first grandchild is growing up WAY too fast! It was just yesterday when her mama was twelve, wasn't it?

A twelve year old girl is an enigma. She shows the world she is made of steel...but she's actually fragile as delicate crystal. She hates you but she loves you more than her heart can stand. She'll treat the weakest of God's creatures with the tenderest of care yet she'll rip your heart out with her icy stare of utter disdain. She wants you to love her, just don't touch her or look at her or speak to her or...God forbid....acknowledge your familial relationship in public. If you say "Can you go brush your hair?" what she hears is "You are the ugliest creature on earth!" There is no rhyme or reason to anything she does. She will make sure of that. And, she will make doubly sure you are quite aware of it. She wants you to be proud of her as long as you don't say it out loud. She wants you to talk to her unless you're planning on actually using, you know...words. Then she wants you to shut up. She still likes little girl things but she could never admit that.

One more year of preteen. She cried when I left in August. She'd rather chew off her own arm than cry again. But she'll be back. They all come back. And I surely hope to be here when she does.

❤️

“Those who guard their mouths and their tongues keep themselves from calamity.”
Proverbs 21:23 NIV

Kintsukuroi

Thu, 31 Dec 2015 02:30:53 -0600

For centuries, the Japanese have employed kintsukuroi when repairing broken pottery. It literally means "to repair with gold". It is the art of repairing pottery with gold or silver lacquer and understanding that the piece is more beautiful for having been broken.

Life breaks us. The "breaking" is not necessarily of your making. Unkindness, loss, abuse, grief, infidelity, betrayal, death....all things that life throws at us. Things we have no control over. They break us. And then God starts working on us...stitching, mending, piecing our hearts and souls back together into something much, much stronger than was there before. He lets us keep the scars so others can see we are conquerors. So we can see where His hand has touched us.

There is nothing beautiful about loss. There is nothing beautiful about the unbearable pain we are forced to endure when we lose someone we love. Nothing. But when I go deep inside and look at my scars, I can see they are intricately woven with strands of pure gold. I can see they are stronger than the surrounding tissue because God wove each thread into exactly the place it needed to be to make me stronger. To me, the fact that God Himself mended my wounds is what brings the beauty.

And...that's a wrap for 2015. A year of surprises, growth, healing, love, adventure, words, pain, and...beauty. Unexpected beauty. Beauty in all the broken places. Thank you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for being here with me for another trip around the sun. I love you all!

Here's to a Happy, Healthy 2016!!!

❤️

“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”
Psalm 147:3 NIV

Photo Credit: www.lakesidepottery.com

A Different Kind of Christmas

Fri, 11 Dec 2015 02:30:23 -0600

Warning: Kleenex Moment

https://www.facebook.com/markschultz/videos/10153764558437603/

I've always been the kind to cry during Kodak commercials. I should have been an official tester for sappy Hallmark cards. Things move me. Beauty breaks my heart open. Babies, puppies, soldiers coming home to their mamas....puddle. My mom always said I wore my heart on my sleeve and I do. That's not a bad thing. It may not always be comfortable for people but it's rarely inappropriate to shed a tear in public. It's what makes us human. And we need a whole big dose of humanity and love in our world right now. So, on that note, I'm sharing this beautiful song. Music is the universal language of love and light. Let's spread some around and get this weekend off to a loving start, shall we?

❤️

Giving Back

Sun, 22 Nov 2015 02:30:01 -0600

My brother was born with cerebral palsy. He received therapy services from the Easter Seals Treatment Center for free as we had very little money growing up. My mom came from good, solid stock and she was determined she would somehow repay them for these services. Somewhere in the '60s, she started working for the Center full time as their secretary putting together their mass-mailed fundraising efforts. She refused to take any pay for 7 years. Finally, the Board of Directors got together and insisted she get a paycheck for her services. She was so proud.

Easter Seals has been around for more than 90 years, helping children and adults with developmental disabilities attain the best quality of life they can. The Blennerhassett Hotel in Parkersburg, WV decorates the lobby and halls with Christmas trees sponsored by local businesses that are decorated by volunteers. These go up a couple of weeks before Thanksgiving and then they're auctioned off to the highest bidders with the proceeds going to the Easter Seals. As soon as the trees are cleared out, the Gingerbread House Decorating Contest comes in. It is a festive time to grab a cup of coffee and wander around, getting in the Christmas spirit.

This lovely "tree" was created on a dress form and forms a stunning ball gown, complete with sash and poinsettia bow at the waist. It was decorated by my good friend, Jon Six (of Jon Six Hair Company) and his friends. Jon has a long history of giving back to a community that has so steadfastly supported his wonderful salon. From filling his own home with rescued dogs to filling a school bus with supplies for underprivileged children to selling tickets and fundraising for the local Humane Society, Jon's altruism shines as an example for all of us to do more.

I spoke with a friend yesterday about this. We see people that need help, yet we often walk by, or we think someone else will take care of it. Or, two hours later it occurs how we might have been of assistance to someone. Keeping a giving heart can help us see those moments. We surely can do more. As a widow living on a pretty fixed income, I don't donate financially like I used to. So I am keeping an eye out for opportunities where I CAN help. As Mr. Rogers said, "Look for the helpers." Because where there are helpers, there is hope.

❤️

“Those who give to the poor will lack nothing, but those who close their eyes to them receive many curses.”
Proverbs 28:27 NIV

Love...and Chocolate

Sat, 21 Nov 2015 02:30:00 -0600

Last night, I met several of my cousins for dinner at a pretty good Italian place. They had the best cheese bread I've ever eaten in my life! There was a bittersweet purpose in our gathering. My cousin Tommy has mesothelioma. He's doing great. He's having chemo and it is giving him some wonderful time to share with his family and friends. We are all so grateful to have him here.

Tommy is 12 years older than me. I was just a little, little girl when he came home from the Navy in his whites and I fell in love! Oh...he was breathtakingly handsome! And he was still young enough to have an emotional bond with this little tow headed kid who followed him around like a moonsick puppy.

His wife knows...everyone knows. Any gathering could be the last gathering. And they're so brave...and so loving...and so present...and so real. What do you say to someone who you know will walk your path? How do you prepare her? Of course, the answer is...you can't, not really. There is only one thing to do...keep things as normal and upbeat as you can...for Tommy. And...there is only one thing you can say. My heart is with you.

I stopped for chocolates on my way to the restaurant, forgetting it was Suzy who likes chocolate...not Tommy. So, Suzy got the candy and Tommy got lots of lovin' from this grown up little toe-headed kid that would still follow him around like a moonsick pup. My heart is with them.

❤️

““Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe also in me. My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going.””
John 14:1-4 NIV

Into the Sunset

Tue, 10 Nov 2015 02:30:04 -0600

I remember watching the old westerns on Saturday afternoon when the cowboy always got the girl. They'd ride off into the sunset and live happily ever after. I wanted my cowboy. I've loved some great men. I've been blessed with an epic romance the likes of which could rival any you'd see on the big screen.

I love this picture of Former President Carter and his wife. I watched my grandparents hold hands like this. I was supposed to have this. And, who knows, I may still. Or, maybe this isn't what God has planned for me. I don't know. But I do know this. If you cannot let go of the life you had planned, there will be no room for the good things to come.

It's probably the time change and facing winter that has me struggling with this. I find myself wanting to huddle with married couples I meet on the street and say, "Listen up! You have no idea what it's like when your partner dies. Treat each other with respect and love. Look at your partner with awe. You HAVE someone! Honor that!" Instead, I smile when I see them like the Carters here. And I pray they get all the love in they can before it's done.

❤️

“In the same way, you who are younger, submit yourselves to your elders. All of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because, “God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.””
1 Peter 5:5 NIV

Mr. Virgo

Sat, 31 Oct 2015 01:30:12 -0600

Ten years ago today, this handsome man walked into my little needlework shop to meet me and changed my life forever. Mr. Virgo rocked my world...and still does from afar. Tragic that he left so soon, but he will always and forever be 62 and look just like this. What a handsome man! What a blessing God gave us when He crossed our paths. I'll love you for always, handsome man! ❤️

Love and Loss

Sun, 23 Aug 2015 01:30:11 -0600

The other night, I held Mr. Virgo in my hands. Well, part of him. I had the funeral director cut a lock of his gorgeous silver hair so I could keep it with me. He put it in a little plastic bag and stuck that in a blue velvet drawstring bag. I keep it in the leather box of the watch Mr. Virgo gave me for Christmas one year. I keep the red leather box on my bedside table. I can talk to him there. My feelings are a little tender this week. Understandable, given the circumstances.

I haven't taken that lock of hair out for a long, long time. I didn't cry. I wasn't necessarily sad. I just wanted to touch him for a moment. I wanted something tangible to remind me...indeed, he WAS real. He DID exist. He wasn't a figment of my imagination. Sometimes he's TOO far away and I need to bring him a little closer. Just for a minute I need to cradle that sterling silver in my hands again. I close my eyes and feel the texture between my finger and thumb and remember what it felt like to run my hands through his hair. I breathe in deep and I can almost smell him....leather, woods, tobacco, Halston. Just for a moment I hear his voice, see his smile, lay my head on his chest...feel his heart beating. Just for a moment. It fills me with love and hope and determination. Then, I carefully tuck him away...back in his leather box. And I feel better. I am ok.

❤️

"I think it is right to refresh your memory as long as I live in the tent of this body,"
2 Peter 1:13

Adversity

Tue, 11 Aug 2015 01:30:42 -0600

The little in pink is my youngest when she was about 5 or 6. The little on the left is her best friend, Kiersten. She moved away at the end of the 3rd grade and we didn't find each other again till last year on FB. We reconnected when I received the news that Kiersten had been in a terrible car accident up in the mountains. She broke her neck and was paralyzed from the neck down. Her mom, Patty, came from Maine to be with her.

After a week in the hospital, Kiersten was moved to Craig Rehabilitation Hospital in Denver and the grueling work began. She had 7 or 8 different types of therapy daily. Her injury turned out to be Brown-Sequard Syndrome where the spinal cord was stretched, bruised, and damaged...but not severed. Her paralysis slowly improved and she worked hard to get better. The weight training area was in the cafeteria. While others were sitting around talking after dinner, Kiersten would be over there lifting weights and working out. She was determined she would get better. And she did. She walks. She still writes with her right hand but has learned to do everything else with her left hand. Her right side gets tired more easily. But she is a walking miracle. We all learn from adversity that we are much stronger than we ever thought we were.

I remember this beautiful young woman when she was just a little girl having sleepovers at our house. I read to her and told her grand bedtime stories that I made up. And last night I got to have dinner with her and her mom. On my way home, Patty texted me to say Kiersten told her after I left how much she loved me when she was little. And how she remembered those stories. Strong women from loved little girls grow. Invest in our future. Treat every child as you would treat your own. I was so touched that she remembered.

❤️

"I will give them an undivided heart and put a new spirit in them; I will remove from them their heart of stone and give them a heart of flesh."
Ezekiel 11:19

Shopping

Thu, 06 Aug 2015 01:30:31 -0600

I met friends for lunch yesterday. We sat on the patio overlooking the beautiful backdrop of the Rocky Mountains. Three friends. We met through Sisters on the Fly. Laughing for a couple of hours over Chinese food was just what I needed after the episode of heat exhaustion on Friday. I felt alive again. After lunch, I had an item to return so I walked across the street to the mall. I used to LOVE shopping. If shopping was an Olympic sport, I would have been on the podium. I got my degree in shopping. Downsizing and purging my life of 95% of my possessions has ruined the shopping experience for me. I pick up an item, think about where I'll put it and what I'll have to get rid of in order for it to fit, and then check the price tag. The first thing that goes through my mind is how many nights at a cool campground can that money give me and 99.9% of the time, that beautiful item goes right back on the shelf. This is distressing because my Olympian spirit is being trampled. So yesterday I decided to try a different tactic and shop for entertainment.

I wandered through the mall and watched the other shoppers. Families out in droves for back to school bargains, shopping for those coveted outfits that will boost little Janie or Johnny's chances of not being ostracized in the hallways. Overly stimulated children standing at their mother's elbow, crying. Couples walking hand in hand. Daddies holding mommies' bags while they elbowed their way through the sale racks. It was shopper's hell. I figured I'd better escape the families so I headed for the lingerie department. Now, there are two things I do not compromise on. Skin care products and lingerie. I know they cost a boat load of money, but I only want fine quality when it comes to what I hold closest to my skin. It makes me feel beautiful and that in itself is priceless. I love the lingerie department. It's like going into the library only instead of books, you get a luscious tactile experience that is only heightened by the hushed reverence of the shoppers and the soft music in the background. It's almost a religious experience.

It was in the nightie aisle that I found Henry and Mim. Henry was ancient, sitting in a wheelchair with his wife's purse perched precariously on his woefully thin thighs. Henry was watching Mim as she carefully looked at each little nightgown with something akin to awe. She felt the fabric between her fingers. She carefully checked the label for laundering instructions, peering over the wire rimmed glasses perched on her nose. When she found just the perfect one, she tottered over to Henry and said, "What do you think of THIS one, darling?" And Henry...sweet, wise Henry, veteran of a lifetime of these Saturday excursions, replied, "Oh, Mim...that one brings out the blue in your eyes!" Mim beamed happily as she looked from her new nighty to the love of her life with a gentleness that melted my heart into a little puddle on the floor, right there in Macy's. That. That is what I'm searching for.

❤️

"May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth."
Proverbs 5:18

Photo credit: thevintagegirlie.wordpress.com

To Date or Not to Date?

Sat, 18 Apr 2015 01:30:00 -0600

Who can possibly fill these shoes? This is a topic I've tap danced around some. I've dallied a little in the dating department. I've met a couple of wonderful men…men that I love dearly and consider to be close friends. I can call them day or night for company or conversation. So why don't I find myself feeling the kind of love for someone that would sustain a long term, exclusive, "can't live without you" relationship? I felt that love in the instant Mr. Virgo and I made eye contact. My old instincts would ask "What's wrong with you? These are perfectly good men, kind hearted, gentle, loving, fun, funny. What are you waiting for?" Well, it's interesting. It's like going out to photograph wildlife with poor vision. You can see the animal in your view finder, you can tell it's an animal and quite possibly that rare breed you're looking for, so you creep in closer. You step gently, stealing in quietly for a closer look. Hmmm…looks familiar, sounds familiar, acts a little like the one you're looking for. But then you get close enough to see and it's not the right one at all. The call is totally different. The coat similar but just not the same. Where did your animal go? Will you ever find another one or should you just be happy you saw one once and got a great picture of it?

This is what dating has been like. Sort of like an interview for a job I'm not at all sure I really want. And at the same time I yearn for companionship. I miss hugs and holding hands and all that comes with having a significant other. I'm in Neverland. Never so sad as I was when I first lost him…never so happy as I was when I had him.

I'm finding an entirely different set of circumstances to consider this go 'round. I've already had three marriages and a couple of significant relationships in my life. Do I really want another one? Finances are a huge consideration now. Much bigger than when I was in my twenties. There are no guarantees in marriage. If I were to marry, I'd lose my ability to collect widow's benefits. One must be married for ten years to collect from your spouse's Social Security. If the marriage falls apart before that, and you were a stay-at-home mom who didn't contribute a lot to your SS account like I was, you're screwed, to put it bluntly. It's a dilemma many of us Boomer widows are facing. It leaves you with choices many would find unconscionable…like cohabitation. Or resignation to being alone for the rest of your life. Right now, I see merits in both scenarios. I have friends who have been widowed much longer than me and they tell me they went through the same thing but they got over it and can't imagine being in a significant relationship again.

I don't know. Maybe I'm just an incurable romantic. I love falling in love. I love a man's company…the security of his love and affection. Maybe there's a part of me that still feels I "need" a man in my life to be happy. Maybe I'm a little lonely. Maybe I'm a bit bored. Maybe I'm a tad frightened. Maybe it's only been two years since I lost Mr. Virgo and I just miss him. I'll always miss him. But I'm a pragmatist. He's not coming back. And even though those men out there don't look exactly like him when I get up close, they are worthy in their own right. I'm not ready to give up on love and companionship entirely. I just want it on my terms. So, I'll keep my options open, and keep my camera handy. You never know when the right specimen may show up in your sights. I just won't base my happiness on it. <3

"In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, Lord, make me dwell in safety." Psalm 4:8

Kindness Matters

Mon, 02 Feb 2015 02:30:00 -0600

You know those cool signs with the sayings painted on them that are so popular? I love those. I have three or four of them and I rotate them around the camper in my décor. One is a big sign with two words…Kindness Matters. I am a huge proponent of kindness. Kindness will change the world. If I slip and do something unkind, I die a thousand deaths till I can somehow make things right. I was raised to be generous and kind….but it has to be done anonymously. If you let someone know about it, it doesn't count. I love when I go through the drive through at Starbucks and the car in front has paid for my order. In turn, I will pay for the person behind me. I often wonder how far down the line it goes.

There are many ways to pay it forward. I love bookstores. I love to browse, read a few pages in the center of a book…and when I find a passage that moves me, I have been known to slip a crisp five dollar bill between the pages with a note that says "You are Special." or "You are Loved." That way, somewhere down the line, someone will come across that and hopefully do a kindness in return. I know of people who buy meals for others in a restaurant. The other day, a friend of mine leaned over when the lady in front of him wasn't looking and he swiped his card to pay for her groceries. I give away hugs to complete strangers…being careful, of course. There are so many ways to show kindness. What will you do today to make the world a kinder place?

❤

"Share with the Lord’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality."
Romans 12:13

In Memory of Mom

Sat, 24 Jan 2015 02:30:00 -0600

She was "Mom" to all my friends. She was "Mama" to me. She was my friend, my confidant, my cheerleader…and occasionally my adversary. She was generous to a fault. She was stubborn, funny, and terribly naïve to the ways of the world. She was unassuming. I loved that I could make her laugh…no matter what.

I've been going through the family archives and scanning them into my computer. I came across something she had written in her beautiful Spencerian script. I thought I would share it with you here. A little different than the original poem by Saxon White Kessinger but the same great message. (Thanks for the reference, Sharon!)

"A Measure of Importance"

Some day when you're feeling important,
Some day when your ego's in bloom,
Some day when you're feeling you're the
Most important man in the room.

Take a bucket & fill it with water.
Stick your hand in up to the wrist.
Pull it out & the hole that remains
Is a measure of how much you'll be missed.

You may splash all you wish when you enter.
Stir the water around galore.
But you find when you finally leave it
It's exactly the same as before.

So as you follow your daily agenda
Always do the best that you can.
Be proud of yourself, but remember…
There is no indispensable man.

This was Mama's creed…unassuming, humble, modest, kind, gentle, loving, generous, and sweet. She left us 11 years ago today and I still want to pick up the phone and tell her something I heard or to make her laugh. I miss her tremendously. RIP, Wanda Belle….I love you.

❤

Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her:
Proverbs 31:28

Fragility

Sun, 04 Jan 2015 02:30:00 -0600

Aging ain't for sissies. Neither is grief. One can feel amazingly strong and rock solid in one moment and fall apart in the next. The fragility of my heart surprises me every single time the switch gets flipped.

As some of you may know, I have THE most awesome brother on the planet. He was born with cerebral palsy and has a resultant developmental disability. He is sweet, charming, funny, guileless. He lived at home with our mom until her unexpected death eleven years ago. He had never learned to do anything for himself. After mom died, he came to live near me in Colorado. He learned how to take care of himself and lives in as independent a setting as he can. He is my hero.

He is also aging…rather quickly. He is more frail and shuffles along with a laborious gait. It tugs at my heart strings. Nobody…not even my beloved Mr. Virgo…owns as big a chunk of my heart as my brother. I have always been his champion, his protector.

Night before last, I was chatting with a friend of mine in Florida. We were laughing our butts off about something so silly, we had tears rolling down our cheeks. We remarked how delightful it is to let loose and belly laugh till you cry. It's good therapy. Then…I received a text from my ex-husband that my brother was in the hospital. I went from absolute high, to basement low in two seconds. It was such a shock to my system, I threw up. As it was happening, this analytical part of me was off to the side observing the whole situation with curiosity. How could the switch flip so quickly? I never used to react to situations so violently. I hate that feeling…anxiety and the loss of control. I'm usually good about reaching for my Rescue Remedy, which really does help. But for some reason, it didn't even cross my mind last night. So I rode that dragon till the wee small hours before dawn. I must buy several tubes of the spray variety of this magical elixir and leave them everywhere so it's easier to remember to use it. It doesn't work when it sits in the bottom of my purse.

As it turns out, my brother just had a bad GI bug and they kept him over night. They gave him fluids and medications to stop the GI distress and he came home yesterday afternoon. He sounded good, but tired. It breaks my heart to watch him decline. It reminds me of the fragility of life. My ex is a doctor and says I should begin mentally preparing myself for the possibility of making a difficult decision regarding life support. I hate the thought, but it's something we all must consider at some point, I suppose. For now, I will focus on the love I can offer those who own a piece of my heart.

❤

Spread Love

Wed, 10 Dec 2014 02:30:00 -0600

'Tis the season. Just about everyone has the warm fuzzies at this time of year. Carols being played everywhere you go bring back memories of past holidays. Cards, cookies, gifts…the very air sparkles with hope and love. Families travel to share the most precious gift…time…with their loved ones.

Merry Christmas! Happy Hanukkah! Happy Kwanzaa! Happy Holidays! It doesn't matter which holiday you are celebrating this time of year, there's lots of love and light flowing around. I would love to see these same feelings of brotherly love, of mutual respect, of loving kindness spread rampant every day of the year, wouldn't you?

Let's start a wave…a king sized, ginormous, tsunami-sized wave of love. And let's send it out into the world every day. Every single day. Aim to improve at least one person's day with a smile and a loving gesture. If you touch just one person a day, you will have touched 365 lives by this time next year. Think about that as you go about your business and ask yourself…"How can I lift up the world today?"

❤

Just Beneath

Thu, 13 Nov 2014 02:30:12 -0600

“The grief switch is just beneath the surface.”

The switch is just beneath the surface. Say the wrong thing…hear the wrong song…and it doesn’t matter where you are, the tears can come unbidden. The other night my friend and I were chatting and got a little too close to her switch. She had to excuse herself. I felt bad because it was during our conversation, but it wasn’t my fault. It’s nobody’s fault when the tears of grief come. They just come. They are as easily triggered by a dog food commercial as they are by finding a love letter. There’s no rhyme or reason. And it doesn’t matter where you are either. Tears come in the shower, driving, seeing a sunset, or….walking down an aisle at the hardware store. The hardware store? Yes.

I was walking through Lowe’s on Veteran’s Day. The music playing was patriotic. John Philip Sousa marches. Hail to the Chief. Military songs. Peppy. Patriotic feel-good music. Then…Taps. Mr. Virgo was a veteran and they played Taps and there was a gun salute at his funeral. When the handsome young soldier knelt before me and handed me the flag from Mr. Virgo’s coffin and thanked me “On behalf of the President…” I was a puddle. I ducked in the power tool aisle, hoping no one would see me crying in Lowe’s. The next song floored me. In the middle of all these patriotic songs, “Fields of Gold” came on the PA. And not Sting’s version. It was Eva Cassidy. When Mr. Virgo and I were first dating, I burned a CD of some beautiful love songs and played them when he would come to my place for dinner. We later referred to that CD as our “falling in love soundtrack”. This version of “Fields of Gold” was on that CD. My heart overflowed as much as my eyes did. He still sends me messages. He still lets me know he’s with me. And I thank him and let him know I’m fine…really. It was just that switch, just beneath the surface, got flipped a little. <3

Saying So Long for Now

Sat, 04 Oct 2014 01:30:34 -0600

“My quirky princess…Daughter #2.”

Had coffee with my beautiful, quirky, eclectic princess…my baby girl. I will miss her!

A Full Heart

Sun, 28 Sep 2014 01:30:58 -0600

“Change”

Last night I gathered a few people around me to share some love. My sweet brother. My sister-in-law came in from Salt Lake. My second ex-husband and his darling wife were there. My neighbors on both sides joined in as well as one set of their parents. A friend from Sisters on the Fly. A friend whose company I enjoy greatly. All these wonderful people gathered to celebrate. We celebrated my brother’s 63rd birthday and my ex’s 60th. And we embraced and shared our love for each other as I prepare in the next few days to head for parts east. We didn’t say goodbye…we said “see ya soon”! Some will come to WV to see me. Some I will see the next time I’m here in Colorado. I pray I will see them all again. It was a beautiful day and my heart is full of love. <3

Perfect

Wed, 20 Aug 2014 01:30:19 -0600

“Being someone’s first love may be great, bot to be their last is beyond perfect.”

People have asked me if I’m worried about Mr. Virgo’s grave being here and me being in West Virginia. I’m really not. I have a lock of his hair and I’m going to find a special place on the farm to bury it in my own private ceremony. I’ll place a marker of some sort and I can go there to talk to him. But, in all honesty, he’s not at either place. He’s in Heaven. And he’s in the hearts of those who knew and loved him and remember him. He is always with me, even though I no longer feel his presence like I did in the months after he died.

I had to have a talk with him during the winter. I have a security system installed in the house. There’s a motion detector in the living room. I went to Denver one weekend and the motion detector went off sending alarms to my phone. Pretty soon, the alarm company called and asked if everything was ok. I told them I didn’t know because I was out of town. They sent a police officer out to check and everything was fine. The next time I went to Denver , the same thing happened. Now, Mr. Virgo would never have said I couldn’t go away without him, but I was certainly aware he didn’t like it. This last alarm sent me a text every three seconds till I went online and made it stop. When I got back home, I sat down in the living room and told him, “Ok. That was really cute how you manipulated the burglar alarm there, sweetheart. You are very clever and it’s so cool to know you’re still here and still have your wicked sense of humor. But, you’ve got to cut this out. For one thing, it scares me. For another, it’s not just me your are bothering… It’s the alarm company and the police and possibly the neighbors. So , honey…cut it out, ok? Find some other way to let me know you’re around.” I never had an alarm after that. :-)

When we fall in love, and a commitment is made, we have no reason to believe it won’t be forever. We take vows to be there till death. But it doesn’t always work that way. Life gets complicated and people change and things don’t always work out the way we planned. Divorce has it’s own kind of grief. When it happened the first time, I was the instigator which changes your perspective and the pain involved. The second was not my idea and it was horrible. I grieved and mourned for close to four years and the pain was exquisite. When Mr. Virgo came along and renewed my faith in love, and in men, he proposed by telling me he wanted to spend every day of the rest of his life with me. In my grief after losing him, I was bereft. I felt as though some major part of me had been amputated. It was devastating. In my Pollyanna-ish fashion, I got to the point where I needed to look for silver linings. I was sitting by the river one day when it occurred to me. “I was his last love. He spent every day of the rest of his life with me!” It made me smile that I could love this man well as he lived the last years of his life. What a gift we were given. What a responsibility to care for and protect that precious gift God gave us. We did it well and that gives me peace.

A Simple Life

Mon, 04 Aug 2014 01:30:07 -0600

“A Simple Life”

I’m back! Here it is, August 4th already…can you believe it? Those three weeks literally flew by. I’ve missed you all even though I did peek in from time to time. And I am rested, refreshed and rearing to go!

I’m still snuggled up in bed, preparing my mind for the onslaught of civilization. I’m listening to the morning call of a whip-poor-will knowing full well in a few hours I’ll be hustling through busy international airports. I’m not looking forward to it…and I LOVE to fly. I want to pour a cup of coffee and go out on the front porch, the familiar stretchy squeak of the screen door spring the only sound louder than the morning birdsong. I want to see old Mama Kitty curled up in the corner, one eye opened slightly in protest over the crude interruption of her peaceful slumber. I want to listen to whip-poor-wills every day for the rest of my life.

I need to head to Colorado. I need to settle some business. I need to snuggle my babies and spoil them a little bit. I need to do the really big purge and get rid of the things in life that weigh me down. I am so grateful to my son-in-law’s mom for sitting me down and telling me to look at what I want my life to look like and make it that. I will miss my kids and grandkids and my Colorado family like crazy, and I will travel to see them as often as I can. But I also know I need to live where my heart sings…where I can stretch out and be free…where I can own a piece of God’s country. It’s time to go home.

Money will only stretch so far. When you have x-amount of dollars to spend on housing and you have a choice of a repossessed HUD home in a dicey neighborhood or a hundred acre farm, tell me…where would you go? What are you willing to let go of in order to set your heart free and give it wings? How far are you willing to fly?

Today's the Day!

Sun, 13 Jul 2014 01:30:17 -0600

“Today’s the Day!”

I’m heading out into the wild blue yonder to see my kin in WV. I’m going to fill my well at the source. I’m going to see great old friends and make some new ones. I’m going to sit in the shade underneath a tree and write for hours. I’m going to hug babies and octogenarians. I’m going on a picnic, a party, a concert and out for dinner. I’m unplugging. Three weeks with only intermittent cell service and internet access. My body, mind, and spirit are looking forward to slowing down to the pace called “country”. To sitting by the barn my great-grandpa built. To listening for that elusive whip-poor-will. To sweet tea and pepperoni rolls and Mr. Bee potato chips. To taking a moon bath at the rain barrel after dark. To lightning bugs and peepers. To the sound of a far distant dog’s bark echoing up the holler. To hay bales wrapped in white looking like huge marshmallows in fields so green it hurts your eyes. To ice cream by the Ohio River, watching the river traffic and the lights shimmer on the surface like glass. To fresh coffee and bacon and biscuits with jam. To summer corn and fried green tomatoes.

Today I am heading to West Virginia…the closest thing to Heaven here on earth. Yes….today I am going home.

Determination

Sat, 05 Jul 2014 01:30:24 -0600

“Though she be but little…she is fierce.” William Shakespeare

Big strength can show up in small packages. This little girl is much bigger now and she faces competitive swimming with fierce determination. At 10 years old, she takes engineering classes…never letting the thought that she can’t succeed cross her mind. She’s small, but fierce and I admire her greatly. She is my first grandchild. My sweet, smart, fun, determined girl. I felt so bad for her last night. We were watching the fireworks. As a wise 10 year old, she was comforting her little sister and cousin when they were worried the fireworks might fall on their heads. She explained how they explode and burn up before they hit the ground. Not too long afterwards, someone set off a firework in the parking lot near us and sure enough, one of the sparkly bits burned all the way to the ground, shattering her sense of safety. It was painful to watch.

We all experience those moments when we realize our sense of safety has been compromised. Safety comes in many forms…physical, emotional, financial. It is disconcerting when things go out of kilter. We who are walking this grief journey especially like it when things are going along smoothly. We don’t like chaos, instability, or unpredictability. That’s why we get anxious at the thought of losing someone else. We’ve already lost too much.

When I have a wave of grief, it kind of knocks the wind out of my sails and makes me more vulnerable to worry and anxiety. I have to reassure myself that the moment will pass and not catastrophize the situation. It’s not easy because my mind will take off and be ten miles down the road before I know it imagining the worst possible scenarios. It takes a great deal of strength and determination to walk through this fire and I am constantly amazed that I am much, much stronger than I ever gave myself credit for. We all are, even when we think we aren’t.

We may be but little..yet we are fierce.

Memories

Mon, 02 Jun 2014 01:30:43 -0600

“Daughter #2 Playing Dress-up”"

I am “off the grid” for a few days of R&R with some girlfriends. No water, no electric, no cell service for 30 miles. Bliss!

Today’s post is about walking down memory lane. One of the chores I’m having to do with downsizing is going through boxes of pictures. I’m dividing them into separate boxes…one for each of the girls, one for each of their dads, and one for my brother. I’m keeping those I am particularly attached to and throwing away those scenic photos of leaves and caterpillars that I thought were ever so artsy back in the ’80s. Those photos that mom took with the tops of our heads cut off? Gone. Those pics my grandma took from 30 feet away at the family gatherings and unless you were there you couldn’t tell who any of the people are? History. Those snapshots taken of me when I was going through a particularly sad, dark time in my life? Who needs to be reminded how awful that was? Then I come across a portrait like this one. My baby girl. My last baby. The one who didn’t have to wear hand me downs…that I could play dress-up with and take to high tea. The one I indulged because I could, whether it was good for her in the long run or not. Look at that smile. She marched to her own drum from the day she was born. My lastling. She’s 24 now. A senior in college. She just started a new job. She’s a woman now….but in my heart, she will forever be the little girl in this picture. Love you, Moon Pie!

Cozy Cottage

Wed, 30 Apr 2014 01:30:13 -0600

“Cozy Cottage”

In the five years between my divorce and meeting Mr. Virgo, I decorated my house like an English country cottage. After we were married, he put up with my froufrou decorating for about six months. One day he couldn’t take it anymore and said we had to add some testosterone to the décor. So I bought some beautiful used furniture and we decorated so it would become “our” house. I’ve always missed that touch of froufrou though! Now that I’m thinking of selling my house, all these wonderful decorating ideas are coming to mind.

I needed to go to the Apple Store today to have them look at my iPad. Right next door, in the Flatirons Crossing Mall, is my favorite store in the world! Cozy Cottage has everything I could want…and then some. I think when I move, I’ll take just a select few pieces of furniture, and decorate just the way I want…what Mr. Virgo called “English country cottage $#!/”! My girls will roll their eyes. I will sigh and smile!

Sweet!

Fri, 21 Mar 2014 01:30:56 -0600

Every once in a while you read something that speaks to your soul. This excerpt is just such a beautiful thing. It is so profound in its’ simplicity. And the author was a mere 21 years of age when she wrote it.

Love is like that…complex and profound yet simple and sweet. Pure. We have all loved. We have all been loved. But when that one true love comes along…there’s nothing that can compare. I believe lightening can strike twice.

““Once upon a time there was a boy. He lived in a village that no longer exists, in a house that no longer exists, on the edge of a field that no longer exists, where everything was discovered and everything was possible. A stick could be a sword. A pebble could be a diamond. A tree a castle. Once upon a time there was a boy who lived in a house across the field from a girl who no longer exists. They made up a thousand games. She was Queen and he was King. In the autumn light, her hair shone like a crown. They collected the world in small handfuls. When the sky grew dark they parted with leaves in their hair. Once upon a time there was a boy who loved a girl, and her laughter was a question he wanted to spend his whole life answering.”

Excerpt From: Krauss, Nicole. “The History of Love: A Novel.” W. W. Norton & Company, 2011-07-07. iBooks. This material may be protected by copyright.

Check out this book on the iBooks Store: https://itunes.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewBook?id=450851483

Excerpt from The History of Love: A Novel by Nicole Krauss

One Year Gone

Wed, 12 Mar 2014 01:30:04 -0600

“My Handsome Mr. Virgo”

I miss you. I sense you around every corner. I hear your laughter in the mountain stream as I bait my hook. I see your smile in the pink glow of the setting sun. I smell you on your jacket…earth, tobacco, leather. I feel your touch with the noonday sun on my shoulders.

I miss you. I taste your lips in an olive and bread and pomegranates. I remember our only dance. I ache for the memory to come alive, for just a moment, so I can hold you once again in my arms, feeling our bodies sway in time with the music.

I miss you. I miss the intensity of your blue eyes when you told me I was adored. The way they crinkled when you told a funny story. The way they looked off in the distance toward the mountains, yearning to be off in the woods.

I miss you. The cup of coffee in bed. The hand on the small of my back leading me to the table at our favorite restaurant. Holding hands in the car. The sound of your voice when you called me your baby doll.

I miss you. The cigar on the golf course. The Tuesday drives. The history and opera lessons. The stories…ahhhh, the stories.

I miss you. The romantic greeting cards. The surprise orchids. The hand extended across the table between courses. The soft breathing by my side.

I miss you. The pretend boxing matches in the kitchen. The tickles. The bear hugs. The warm chocolate chip cookies. The sweetness of your smile in the dark.

I miss you. Oh, I miss you so much my breath gets caught in my chest. I miss you with the tears that stung just behind my eyes when I found your note…“Happy Valentine’s Day, my Love!” I miss you in the birdsong out my window, the call of the elk bugling across the valley, in the sunrise you were so fond of.

Today, I will miss you with the white heat of the sun. Today, my heart will break open yet again. Today, my pain will sear my brain and paralyze me with fear. And tomorrow? Tomorrow, my sweet Mr. Virgo, I will begin the next chapter. I will spread my wings and fly. I will be strong, and brave, and courageous. I will step out of my comfort zone and live the life God intends me to live.

But, for today….I miss you.

Giving

Mon, 03 Mar 2014 02:30:11 -0600

“Mr. Virgo’s Guitar”

I’ve given most of Mr. Virgo’s clothes away. I still have some things that really remind me of him that I want to keep. A shirt. A couple of sweaters. His glorious leather bomber jacket that I wear sometimes that still smells of tobacco and Halston. I’m not sorry I gave those things away. My closet space doubled and that was probably the easiest of all the adjustments I’ve had to make this year.

Several years ago, Mr. Virgo got it in his head that he wanted to learn to play blues guitar. Next thing I knew, there was a beautiful Ibanez guitar with a hard case and an amp living with us. Alas, try as he might, the arthritis in his hands kept him from playing. The guitar hung in our dining room for a few years and eventually made it into a closet. There it stayed…till last Friday.

I don’t play well but if it had been acoustic, I would have kept it. I would have tried again to learn. There is an alternative high school here that has a wonderful music program. I love the students and their teacher. I decided to donate the guitar and amp to them.

I delivered it to the school Friday. A beautiful, talented young man tuned it up, plugged it in, and started playing a song for me. I cried. I told them about this epic love story and they cried.

It was a beautiful day.

The Inimitable Mr. Virgo

Mon, 10 Feb 2014 02:30:40 -0600

“The Inimitable Mr. Virgo”

One more month and it will be a year since he’s been gone. That is unimaginable. This is the photo I saw when I expanded my search on match.com to include the Front Range and my breath caught in my throat. He struck me as handsome, to say the least. Sean Connery handsome. Man’s man handsome. Sassy with that cigar. Penetrating blue eyes, silver hair, sexy beard. I loved the way he tucked his sleeves to the inside instead of rolling them up. My very first thought….“There is no way a handsome man like that is going to have anything to do with me.” My self esteem was so low after my divorce. I looked at this photo and read his profile every day for three weeks before I got up the nerve to send him a note inviting him to look at my own profile. I didn’t hear anything for 4 months. I figured that was my answer…he wasn’t interested. Then he wrote back. He had moved within 40 miles from me. Did I still want to go out? Yes….oh my, yes! We e-mailed then talked on the phone and finally met in person on Halloween 2005. My friend was in my shop and said she would stay in case he was some sort of stalker-dude. He walked in. I took one look and whispered to her “Get out of here! He’s perfect!” That is my favorite story. The “how I met Mr. Virgo” story. I like to tell it. I can tell it now and smile. I miss him. Always will. I love him. Always will. I will always have him because he didn’t go far…he still lives in my heart. Always will. He makes me smile. Always will.

Happy Valentine’s Day, Mr. Virgo…

Frozen in Time

Sun, 15 Dec 2013 02:30:01 -0600

“A Text from Mr. Virgo”

Awwwww….look what I found on Mr. Virgo’s phone! I love when these little messages come to me. Like this summer when I was cleaning out what we called the dump station. It’s a little wooden charging station where we’d park the phones when we got home and little bits of this and that would end up there. I found a little sticky note wishing me Happy Valentine’s Day so I stuck it up on the fridge to remind me of a sweet, gentle man who loved me more than anything in the world. The gift that keeps on giving!

I was thinking about Christmas this week and remembering how much Mr. Virgo liked to plan and hunt and buy just the perfect gifts for me. He was very generous and lavished me with beautiful things that he had heard me mention over the course of the year and I fully realize how much he spoiled me rotten. I’ll be darned if I didn’t feel myself getting a little sad that my stocking will be pretty empty this year. Man, that didn’t last long! At church today we discussed the blessings we have in life and I realized hoping for material goods isn’t anywhere near as wonderful as hoping for the Spirit of Christmas to fill me with a generous, loving heart. I truly have everything I could possibly need and then some. I don’t need a thing…but, if you wanted to send me to Belize in January or February, I wouldn’t object. Just sayin'.

Messages

Wed, 11 Dec 2013 02:30:10 -0600

Oh....my....gosh! I have the COOLEST story to tell you! I know you all can tell the last few days have been a bit of a struggle. I knew the first Christmas after losing Mr. Virgo was going to be rough and it has certainly been shaping up to be a pretty dismal affair all the way around. I finally gave in in early November and started seeing a grief counselor and she has really, really helped. Even so, as I was preparing myself for the tears that would inevitably come during my session this afternoon, I spent some quiet time talking to Mr. Virgo. I asked him, if he could hear me, if he was still watching over me, would he please send me a sign so I could know. I know that may be really weird to some of you and you might think I've gone 'round the bend, but this is what happened later.

I walked into the waiting area at my appointment and sat down. There was another lady sitting there and we exchanged greetings but went back to our magazines. The music had been playing when I walked in but I didn't pay any attention to it, other than it was a little loud. There was quite a stretch of quiet between songs and when it started playing again, the song was a very peppy rendition of "Gray skies are gonna clear up...put on a happy face!" The lady and I looked at each other and cracked up. I told her about losing my husband. She told me about losing her mom. I told her about asking him to send me some sort of sign that he was still watching out for me. I laughed and said, "You know, when this sort of thing happened when he was alive, I would hum the opening notes of The Twilight Zone and we would just laugh!" We went back to our papers. The peppy little tune continued as I contemplated whether it really could have been Mr. Virgo sending me a message. But...that's NOT the end of the story. If it ended right there, you might think "Well, that was a cute little coincidence." and leave it at that. Not so fast! As soon as "Put on a Happy Face" ended.....I kid you not....the theme music for The Twilight Zone came on!!! The woman and I turned to each other with our mouths open and laughed till our sides hurt. What a great story! Thanks, Mr. Virgo...I'm SO happy to know you are still watching out for me and you're absolutely right. Gray skies ARE gonna clear up!

Have a wonderful day, my lovely friends!

Mr. Virgo's Birthday

Tue, 10 Sep 2013 01:30:02 -0600

“Western Sunset”

The firsts are always difficult. Birthdays, Anniversaries, Holidays…the first ones after a loss bring many emotions. Sadness at the loss. Fondness of the memories. Joy with the knowledge that he got to see Jesus already!

Mr. Virgo, you are missed by all who knew and loved you. We will meet again!