![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/bb9671e6f1.jpg\")
Chewed up walnut hull.
\n\n\nWell, something got into the bucket of black walnuts I left in the driveway. When I went out to check the mail yesterday, the evidence was left in a neat little pile along the edge of the concrete. No scat that I could find to identify the critter. I didn’t catch anything on the security camera that would identify the culprit either. So…no bear on the camera as of yet. Maybe Santa will bring me a couple really great trail cams for Christmas!
\n\n\nPoor Mr. FixIt. He was maybe a smidgeon better yesterday. He has that deep chesty voice you get when you have a bad head cold and he’s still sneezing and has a runny nose. No fever today and he continues to take his antiviral medication. I thought for sure I was coming down with it Thursday night because I started getting a scratchy throat, but I slept like a log and woke up no worse for the wear. My Covid Test continues to be negative. So, either I have a very, very mild case or it’s the typical fall allergies that come when the leaves are on the ground getting moldy. I am staying out of Mr. FixIt’s face and washing my hands and everything else in hot soapy water.
\n\n\nWe had a phone visit with our Primary Care Provider yesterday morning and she said to continue what we’re doing…rest, drink plenty of fluids,Tylenol for aches and fever, diet as tolerated. Mr. FixIt was actually hungry yesterday and ate nearly a normal diet so that’s a good sign. I wish he could sleep better but when he lays down, the head congestion won’t let him rest. He did get a little napping done in his Big Red Chair and I’m sure that helped. It looks like he’s past the worst of it and I may just have dodged the bullet this go round.
\n\n\nOther than playing nurse to my sweetheart, I didn’t do much either. I started reading my new Appalachian Cookbook and cant wait to try some of the recipes. I started going through the camping gear that is parked on the floor in our family room seeing what needs to be put away and what can just be stored over the winter in the “kitchen trunk.” Mr. FixIt getting Covid kinda put an end to the camping season for me. I could still go out and sleep in the camper if I wanted to, but the Asian Lady Beetles and Stink Bugs are thick as thieves out there and it’s not worth it getting up and down to suck them up in the hand held vacuum.
\n\n\nOur weather has been warm this week, but next week will bring a big turn in the temperatures so this furnace thing has to be figured out. Mr. FixIt has a couple more things he wants to check out, but he can’t while he’s this sick. Maybe by Monday he’ll be more up for it. We’ll see. In the meantime, it really does feel good to just sit and read with a nice cup of tea after the crazy busy summer we’ve had.
\n\n\n🍁
\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n“In peace I will both lie down and sleep; for you alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety.”
\nPsalm 4:8 ESV\n
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
\n\n\nFighting the anxiety of nightfall as a new widow was made somehow a little easier with a fuzzy blanket wrapped tightly around me. This was my go-to verse for the night time ritual of trying to calm my brain.
\n\n\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/1e66ecf962.jpg\")
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/a8b01d9735.jpg\")
There was a time when the memories of Mr. Virgo and me that pop up on FB would make me cry. They don’t any more. Nearly always, they make me smile. They bring a flood of warmth and a reminder of what an amazing life I lead…then and now. These are good things. This shows healing, grace, mercy, and personal growth.
\n\n\nAs I looked through my Facebook feed last night, I stumbled upon a memory from exactly eleven years ago. Even before Mr. Virgo’s passing, I was becoming more aware how finite our time on this Earth really is. I can’t say that I “knew” our time together would be short because I never really let myself think about that. I was very busy living in the here and now. That being said…and hindsight being 20/20…I must have had some deep feeling about it. Because, I wrote this:
\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\nLife's \"Sweet Treat\" of the Day: Actually, this is from last night. [Mr. Virgo] and I always go to sleep like two spoons in a drawer. Since I've been adjusting to my new schedule, I sometimes go to bed before him and it can be easy to fall asleep and not make that spoon. Last night I was drifting off and a thought came to me. What if this was the last day we were together and God took one of us home? How would I feel the next day if I'd missed the opportunity? Needless to say...a spoon was made! Don't ever miss those golden moments you can share while you have your loved one by your side!
\nWritten September 2011\n
Mr. Virgo died in March 2013.
\n\n\nThis is as much…if not more so…a teaching moment about the fragility of life. The Bible tells us we will not know the number of days in our life. Therefore, it is imperative to make sure each one of those days count. I am human. I can easily become complacent and forget my own warning. I sometimes get caught up in the minutia of living. The mowing. The cooking. The cleaning. We all get caught up in the petty annoyances of sharing life with another human being…especially in the Age of Covid when we are thrust together 24/7/365.
\n\n\nI know for a fact that many of you are on your own now. Widowed. Divorced. Single by choice or alone by chance…either way, we can be reminded too late of those woulda-shoulda-couldas. If, God forbid, my sweet Mr. FixIt should pass before me, I don’t want to wish I would have told him more often how much he means to me. I don’t want to remember a hurt look or a neglected moment.
\n\n\nWe can’t be “on” all the time, but we can certainly make a more concerted effort to keep our relationships fresh and healthy, alive and hopeful, honored and respected. That is my vow today as I reread these words I wrote over a decade ago…to be a better person to this fellow human with whom I share a life. We all deserve that.
\n\n\nWe went to the farm yesterday to mow. It sorely needed it, but the grass is petering out as the season wanes. My guess is, there won’t be but a time or two more and we’ll be done with it for the year. As we drove there, we came around a curve and there was an Animal Control Officer in his truck parked crosswise…lights flashing. Beyond him, a young woman led a number of horses down the center of the road making a right turn up a driveway. Someone’s horses got loose. I whispered “Thank you, Jesus!” I was so grateful they weren’t there in the road, in a blind turn.
\n\n\nWe ran to town after we finished mowing to have the oil changed in the truck. The brakes started shimmying a little which indicates the rotors are a little warped. They’ll need rotated but they can’t get to it till we get back. It won’t hurt anything driving to our campsite today. We still have plenty of brake pad left. It makes me wonder if I need to adjust the trailer brakes to grab a little bit more. I can to that today when we hitch up the camper to leave.
\n\n\nThe temperature was predicted to be 41° last night. The highs while we are camping this week will be in the 60’s and the lows in the 40’s every night. When we were waiting for the truck to be finished in the automotive department at Walmart last evening, we shopped and bought three essentials for the trip…a toaster, an electric tea kettle, and a small ceramic heater. As I’m writing this, I’m very glad I have that little heater. There is a propane furnace in the camper, but it gives off an odor and it was a touch smoky when it was in use. Mr. FixIt assures me that’s because it hadn’t been used yet. Either way, the ceramic heater is not as noisy, there is no odor, and why use up our propane when we can use the electric we are paying for at the campground?
\n\n\nWe have camped at this campground before, however I cannot remember what the cell service was like so if for some reason I can’t get a post scheduled…I’ll be back in civilization on Saturday.
\n\n\n?
\n\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2022-09-28T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2022/09/28/teach-us-to-number-our.html", "tags": ["Love","Wisdom","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2022/03/10/i-have-met-my-nemesis.html", "title": "I Have Met My Nemesis", "content_html": "\n“So teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom.”
\nPsalm 90:12 ESV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/1bce55d5fc.jpg\")
Lace! Argh….SO pretty…SO frustrating. First, it’s knitting on fingering weight which is very fine yarn. Second, the instructions are complex. I made it to Row 15…five or six times! My problem isn’t so much staying on the row. I have that figured out. My problem came when I had to start the row with a short sequence of four stitches, then there was a sequence of thirteen stitches that I had to repeat five times across the row, then end the row with a different sequence on the last four stitches. I constantly lost track of where I was about the middle of the fourth sequence on the fifteenth row. After tearing it out umpteen times and getting frustrated, I decided…if it isn’t fun to knit, don’t knit it. This is how I got burned out on counted cross stitch. I started trying more and more difficult patterns till it wasn’t fun anymore and I quit. I don’t want to quit knitting so I’ll knit what I love, not what frustrates the bejeebers out of me!
\n\n\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/147f92c1e3.jpg\")
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/4b747372c1.jpg\")
I did finish the little hat with the cables. And I sewed the sweet little flower buttons on the baby sweater. And…I learned I DON’T like complicated lace patterns. So, the day was not a total loss. We awoke to a mix of rain and snow so I drove to the bakery in our little town and got donuts to go with our morning hot beverages. They didn’t have pepperoni rolls, so I got meatball rolls for our supper. They were pretty good!
\n\n\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/c375837704.jpg\")
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Today is March 10th. On this day nine years ago, Mr. Virgo and I had just purchased a Ford Expedition because the Toyota was costing us $1000 every time we turned around. We wanted a newer, more powerful vehicle to tow the camper we were excitedly talking about. Mr. Virgo came home that night and put his briefcase on one of the kitchen chairs and winced. I asked him what was wrong and he said he had tweaked his shoulder that morning getting the heavy briefcase out of the car and it was still hurting him.
\n\n\nHe looked tired…but he always looked tired. It was a Sunday night at the tail end of a busy ski season…the start to his two days off. I set out his supper and gave him a couple ibuprofen for his shoulder. We watched a little TV and called it a night…not knowing what was looming ahead of us. I had already experienced two nights with terrifying dreams that week that I awoke and he was lying cold and dead beside me in bed. My fight or flight response was at the ready…just beneath the surface of my awareness…hyper-vigilant.
\n\n\n?
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2022-03-10T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2022/03/10/i-have-met-my-nemesis.html", "tags": ["Grief","Fear","Courage","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/11/28/feeling-the-wave-and-letting.html", "title": "Feeling the Wave and Letting it Go", "content_html": "\n“Call to me and I will answer you, and will tell you great and hidden things that you have not known.”
\nJeremiah 33:3 ESV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/4a679a2647.jpg\")
Blue Jay out the bedroom window
\n\n\nI tried to call my brother on Thanksgiving and couldn’t reach him. He’s in a new place and the number they gave me that’s supposed to ring into his apartment rings into more than one so whoever gets to it first answers. If it’s a client, they politely tell me his lives next door and hang up. Which is fine, but he hasn’t answered his cell phone either. I sent a note to his staff person and she called me on Friday afternoon to say my brother had lost his cell phone. And, she had just found out the phone doesn’t ring into his apartment only so she’s going to rectify both things next week. She let me video chat with him and that did us both a world of good. But, until I could see and talk to him…I was in a funk.
\n\n\nThe waves of grief come so seldom now that when they do, it flat out surprises me. I suddenly felt all the losses so acutely. I am sure reading the memory book of the farm and holding it in my hands started the ball rolling. Then, I got to see my girls on video chat, but…you know…it’s not quite the same. I missed my mom. I thought about Mr. Virgo. I longed for my grandma’s pumpkin pie. I wanted to see my cousins. I just flat out had a pity party.
\n\n\nI let myself feel all the feelings. I let them wash over me with the salty sting of sea water. I’ve finally learned it only makes matters worse to fight it. I’ve also learned…they’re just feelings. They aren’t going to kill me. I can hold joy and pain in the same space. I can feel sorrow and happiness. Presence and loneliness. Energy and fatigue. And life will go on. The sun will set and come up the next morning.
\n\n\nThere is so much going on in the world that so easily brings you down. If we focus on the sensational…the news that sells…we’ll soon be totally overwhelmed. Add a grief wave and it can knock your socks off. We were going to put up the tree yesterday and didn’t because the Ohio-Michigan game was on and it was a thriller. So the tree waits for another day. Last night I bent over and felt something pop in my lower back with an accompanying sharp pain that took my breath away. It’s just another thing to remind me I’m not a spring chicken anymore.
\n\n\nAm I going to go down the dark path? Nope. I’m going to “rub some dirt in it” as my grandma always said. Just get up and move on to the next thing…albeit a little more gingerly today. Life is what we make of it.
\n\n\nMake it good whenever you can.
\n\n\n?
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2021-11-28T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/11/28/feeling-the-wave-and-letting.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/09/13/what-happens-when-you-forget.html", "title": "What Happens When You Forget? You Forgive!", "content_html": "\n“The people who walked in darkness have seen a great light; those who dwelt in a land of deep darkness, on them has light shone.”
\nIsaiah 9:2 ESV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/e56aab4033.jpg\")
This weekend was a whirlwind of love and emotions and a little angst and a lot of laughs and huge doses of reality. Aging ain’t for sissies. Neither is watching your beloved brother decline more and more each time you visit. I couldn’t see him last year because of covid and, as you know, a lot of changes can come about in two short years. It was heart rending to see his condition, but I am so glad he’s moved into a place where there will be more assistance. We just need to have some productive conversations to delineate expectations for the future. These are not easy conversations to have.
\n\n\nAfter saying goodbye to the family members who came in for the party, we went to the store and bought my brother a charger for his phone. When we arrived at his new place, I discovered the charger didn’t fit, so I took it back. I had the phone with me and had to go to Walmart to get the right one. When I returned, I made sure the end fit his phone…big breath. Then I went to plug the other end in and realized we didn’t have the plugin piece for the USB. Grrrrr….back to the store and found one, brought it back to his place and got everything plugged in and charging.
\n\n\nThere were hugs and promises to see him next spring and we made our way out to the truck. There were many friends I would have loved to visit when I was in town and there was one particular friend I really wanted to see. I envisioned driving by and just saying a quick hello, but it was getting late, we didn’t know if rain was coming or not, and we knew there would be Sunday afternoon traffic going back into Denver so I decided I’d just have to see her next time. She has twin daughters who are in the same program as my brother and when we walked out to our truck, there was Judy…parked right in front of us!!! Oh…I love how God delivers and gives us what we need!
\n\n\nWe stopped and got coffee and they got the order wrong. We drove around the block and had them fix it. We stopped at the gas station, and hit the road. The devastation from the fire and floods in Glenwood Canyon were even more apparent heading east. That’s the side closest to the river and your view is clearer. It broke my heart to see the changes. It also was pretty awe inspiring to witness the power of nature to make permanent changes to the earth. This canyon will never look the same as we knew it, but future generations will stop at the rest areas and see educational plaques that tell of the raging fires and the devastation of a stationary set of monsoon rains that caused the draws to become roaring rivers of trees, boulders, and mud.
\n\n\nTraffic wasn’t bad. We toodled along, oohing and aahing over the glimpses of yellow as the aspen are beginning to change. I love the bright and cheery flashes of yellow and gold and almost-red that contrast with the deep green of the surrounding fir trees. All of a sudden, it hit me…I totally forgot to go visit Mr. Virgo’s grave! I spoke with others at different times over the weekend, pointing out Friday would have been his birthday. But there was so much going on with my brother that demanded my immediate care and attention…it never once even occurred to me to go to the cemetery.
\n\n\nI felt terrible. Like… “what is WRONG with me” terrible. I had every intention of going to the cemetery this trip…like I do every other trip. Finally, I decided to give myself a break. While this was a wonderful weekend with family, there were some things going on with my brother that were very upsetting. I was brokenhearted on the one hand, excited to see him and my family on the other. I was trying desperately to juggle everything without losing my cool. I was successful. I am sure Mr. Virgo would have been proud of the job I did this weekend. I know Mr. FixIt was. So, I cut myself a little slack and promised to go to the cemetery in May.
\n\n\nLife is hard enough without beating yourself up over things that sometimes get shoved out of busy brains and busy lives. God knows my heart. We’re good.
\n\n\n?
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2021-09-13T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/09/13/what-happens-when-you-forget.html", "tags": ["Family","Forgiveness","Aging","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/05/28/days.html", "title": "3,000 Days", "content_html": "\n“fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”
\nIsaiah 41:10 ESV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/35f179da17.jpg\")
Grandma’s Peonies
\n\n\nWhile Mr. FixIt busied himself fixing the door into our pole building, I headed to the farm to bring some more stuff home. I have to admit...I stretched out on Grandma’s bed for a half hour before I packed up the truck. Soaking up the atmosphere. It feels good. I really don’t have a whole lot left out there...but I don’t pack the truck too full with each load. It gives me more trips to the farm! I canceled the Dish Network account out at the farm this morning...thus ending a 23 year run with them. It will be interesting to find out how long that phone number has been in the family!
\n\n\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/433adb29b3.jpg\")
Wisteria
\n\n\nI had a little walkabout and photographed Grandma’s flowers. I think her peonies are the prettiest I’ve ever seen. The irises are lovely, and since irises need to be thinned on occasion, I’m going to bring just a few over to the Ponderosa and make a special flower bed out near my new mini-campground we’re putting in. I also have a she-shed in my future that I want to build out there as part of my little compound for gathering my girlfriends and campout. I have it pictured in my mind. Now I just need to gather old doors and wood to build it with! I have so many projects I want to complete here at the Ponderosa. I do believe, once it’s complete, it shall be renamed...what? Marshmallow Ranch, of course!
\n\n\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/d9c38608c0.jpg\")
Clematis and Carolina Spice Bush
\n\n\nI got the nicest note from Frank and Beans on Wednesday night. They were on their way down to WV to work on their cabin, so when I was finished loading what I wanted to bring home yesterday, I headed up to see what’s going on. They have one of those driveways that are very common in these West Virginia hills...straight up! Well, not really...but it sure seemed that way. I jumped out of the truck to greet my newest friends and look at their place. It’s beautiful up there and they have a view that looks right out over the treetops. It reminds me of pictures taken above the canopy of a rainforest...but without the monkeys!
\n\n\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/8614fdc7ca.jpg\")
Iris, foreground...Rhododendron, background
\n\n\nWhen they had their driveway graded, the folks doing the work found a huge rock in the shape of a heart. It has special meaning to Frank, so I brought them another heart shaped rock I brought home from Colorado and gave it to them as a housewarming gift. I couldn’t stay long, but we vowed to stay in touch, and they reiterated I am welcome to stay at the farm anytime. Just sitting on the porch during a rainstorm will be a huge treat, let alone getting to stay for a day or two.
\n\n\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/bcacff59f3.jpg\")
Iris
\n\n\nI stopped at the store on the way home and fixed a quick supper. We have been dining on the deck every night under the pergola. We’ve only stayed out long enough to turn the market lights on a couple of times because we’ve been so busy with projects. But I envision more late nights out there as we catch up a little. Especially when the kids are here. I’m looking forward to doing more entertaining, as well.
\n\n\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/09952aa4e1.jpg\")
Iris
\n\n\nIt’s supposed to rain today and the weather will turn quite cool over the next few days. The nights will be especially cool...good sleeping weather. I have discovered something very interesting. Now that I write in the spare bedroom, I am sleeping much more soundly when I get up and go to our room. Something about separating “work” from home has really improved my sleep hygiene. I sure wish TOW-Wanda was here and fixed already...I’d really enjoy sleeping out there on these cool nights. That’s what I get for procrastinating getting her to the RV Doctor!
\n\n\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/054ec1ed72.jpg\")
Multiflora Rose
\n\n\nOh, and another thing...just as a matter of course. Today marks 3,000 days since Mr. Virgo died. I never could have dreamed of this life...of experiencing joy and happiness and deep love again. I couldn’t picture myself surviving that loss, let alone coming out the other side with a beautiful and fulfilling life. I just thought I would share that with you so that...if you are bereaved...there is hope for a good life down the road. I know it’s such a hard, hard journey...but a good life is worth working for.
\n\n\n?
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2021-05-28T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/05/28/days.html", "tags": ["Uplifting Stories","Grief","Positive Energy","West Virginia","Growth","Gratitude","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Choices","Change","Widow","Marriage","Healing"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/05/04/old-phones-equal-old-memories.html", "title": "Old Phones Equal Old Memories", "content_html": "\n“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.”
\nJeremiah 29:11 ESV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/946330a0cc.jpg\")
In going through the items I had stashed at the farm, I came across two old cell phones. One was Mr. FixIt’s. We were dating over a year when he switched to an iPhone so we could see each other on FaceTime while I traveled. However, during that first year, we talked back and forth often. We were laughing at the content of the texts...the majority of which went something like good mornings and how did you sleep and what are you going to do today? Funny how you think your early missives were filled with flowery romance and the reality was pretty much the same as our texts today. Which is a good thing. It means we haven’t tired of each other and we enjoy talking to each other the same as we did when we first started dating.
\n\n\nWe looked through the old pictures on his phone, many of which had been taken in the years prior to his divorce. It was fun to see the kids and how little they were. It was interesting to see the things that piqued his interest and prompted him to memorialize moments in a photo. There were SO many photos of sunrises and sunsets at the beach and I can see why going there means so much to him. There were pictures of the flowers that grow here at the Ponderosa. I love that we both have a penchant to take lots of pictures.
\n\n\nThe other phone was the old one I had when Mr. Virgo was still living. I got a new one just a couple of month before he died. I remember one of the secondary losses I felt when I realized I had cleaned out my voicemails in the new phone just three days before he passed. I was devastated because those were the sweet messages. The ones he left on the house phone were a tad terse because he was trying both places and couldn’t find me. I have NO idea why it never occurred to me to look on my old phone for those messages, but it didn’t...until yesterday.
\n\n\nIt took me a long time to unlock the phone. It has one of those patterns on the screen that you have to trace. Time, grief brain, a head injury, and just plain aging and I could not remember what the pattern was. As a matter of fact, it wasn’t until I finally let my muscle memory take over, got it opened, and looked in the contact list that I was sure it even WAS my phone.
\n\n\nI wasn’t necessarily looking for the voicemails. I checked the photos first. I was hoping there would be more pictures on that phone, but there wasn’t anything that hadn’t been transferred over to the new phone. I looked in the emails. Nothing interesting there. Notes? Nah...just shopping lists and reminders to pick up the dry cleaning and phone number of the plumber. Ordinary stuff. The icons on a Droid are different than an iPhone and I wasn’t sure what I was clicking, but suddenly...up popped all my old voicemails.
\n\n\nIt has been eight years since I heard his voice. There were about twelve voicemails from him...and they were the nice ones with the lilt in his voice. Not the all business “Where ARE you?” calls. I listened to every one. I believe there is a reason God didn’t let me find those sweet messages till now. If I would have heard them early on, it would have crushed me. It would have set me up for even greater longing and pain. And, knowing me, I may have obsessively listened to them over and over and over. Which in a way would have kept me stuck in mourning.
\n\n\nAs I listened to the messages yesterday, I was thrilled because I could just SEE him in my mind’s eye. The years have softened that memory. I couldn’t exactly hear his voice in my head anymore. I couldn’t actually SEE him in my head. He faded to a fuzzy version of himself...ghostlike and far from me. Hearing his voice yesterday allowed me to “see” him again and this time without the pain. It was like... “Ohhhhh, THERE you are! I remember you!” Like seeing an old friend...someone I loved very much. And now, I have something else to tuck away in a drawer...just to know it’s there. I may or may not listen to the messages again someday. But I don’t feel the compulsion to do so that I absolutely KNOW I would have if I’d known I could.
\n\n\nYes, this was a memory meant for now. I’m glad I found him and now he’s safe in a drawer. Someday, when I’m dead and gone, one of the kids...or Mr. FixIt...will be going through my things and think, “Isn’t that odd? Keeping that old cell phone in there?” They’ll never get a chance to get it unlocked to find the treats that lay within. Some treasures are meant to be left alone.
\n\n\n?
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2021-05-04T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/05/04/old-phones-equal-old-memories.html", "tags": ["Family","Gratitude","Widow","Memories"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/01/03/day-covidthe-new-widowmaker.html", "title": "Day 293: Covid...the New “Widowmaker”", "content_html": "\n“remember the former things of old; for I am God, and there is no other; I am God, and there is none like me,”
\nIsaiah 46:9 ESV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/42e3e09550.jpg\")
When Mr. Virgo had his heart attack, we were standing in a camper deciding which one we wanted to take us into retirement. A little less than four hours later, he was gone. The cardiologist came in to sit with me and explain what a “widowmaker” was. It’s the kind of heart attack caused by a sudden 100% blockage of the left anterior descending artery in the heart. You seldom survive that, especially if other arteries are also blocked, or partially blocked. It’s a snatch death...unexpected, sudden, unimaginable.
\n\n\nThere’s a large group of new widows in the last year. Women who would more than likely still have their husbands if it weren’t for Covid-19. Men are disproportionately susceptible to dying from Covid, so there are more widows than widowers. Yet, besides Covid, they have another thing in common. Most of them had to live with the fact their loved one died with strangers. This add a whole new dimension to the “snatch death” that I didn’t have to deal with.
\n\n\nI also wasn’t left with little ones at home to try to raise with bills to pay and a house to manage and perhaps a questionable income. These women, and men, are charting new territory in grief and my heart breaks for them. It’s not just spouses touched by these devastating losses. Other family members and dear friends are left struggling...trying to make sense of a senseless situation. Trying to find, and give, love and support.
\n\n\nWhen I lost Mr. Virgo and was actively grieving and needed hugs, I could go visit friends or go to the mall in our small town or the local grocery store. I could just about count on running into multiple people who offered me hugs and support and cups of coffee. In the age of Covid, it’s harder to find that kind of support.
\n\n\nI read a story this week about grief and Covid. These new widows and widowers are doing what I did...they’re reaching out online for support and caring with others going through the same thing. I’m so grateful for all the grief peeps I met along the way, and for all of you who came along to help me though. I know they will find their grief peeps, too.
\n\n\nI pray you never have to walk this path and find your way alone. But if, God forbid you do or someone you know does, you can find some resources here:
\n\n\nNew York Times: ‘The Other Half of My Soul’: Widows of Covid-19 Bond Over Sudden Loss
\n\n\nNBC News: A club nobody 'wanted to join': How Covid widows are finding support through Facebook
\n\n\nFacebook: Young Widows and Widowers of Covid-19
\n\n\n?
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2021-01-03T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/01/03/day-covidthe-new-widowmaker.html", "tags": ["Grief","Strong Women","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/12/05/day-another-sad-goodbye.html", "title": "Day 266: Another Sad Goodbye", "content_html": "\n“So our bodies return to the earth, and the life-giving breath returns to God. Nothing makes sense. I have seen it all— nothing makes sense.”
\nEcclesiastes 12:7-8 CEV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/95eedb3f0c.jpg\")
When Daughter #1 married in the summer of 1995, I had no idea what an integral part her new family would play in my life. Just five years after we met, these lovely people helped me through a very painful divorce and lifted me up from the fall. Then, years later when Mr. Virgo passed, they took me into their home and loved on me till I could stand up again. They nursed me when I was sick. They welcomed me with my campers and played host to countless “camping trips” in their driveway. They love my daughter the way I love their son. We are as close to being related as we can be without actually sharing DNA.
\n\n\nWe have always said, Sue & Ben live at the epicenter of the universe. Way early on, I felt a twinge of jealousy about that because I wanted MY house to be the center. It wasn’t long till I understood why theirs was and I’ve spent many a long, leisurely breakfast at their table...discussing the topics of the day. You always learn something sitting there over coffee. Ben underlines particularly interesting points from the articles in the morning paper and enjoys the intellectual discussions that ensue when he shares them.
\n\n\nWhen Sue was diagnosed with breast cancer last year, I asked what I could do from here to help her.
\n\n\n“Just chat with me every night. Tell me funny stories. I love your stories...they give me something to think about.”
\n\n\nWe have been chatting every single night since and I have to say, that has been one of the deepest experiences I’ve ever had. To watch her strength, courage, and determination has been admirable.
\n\n\nOne of the bonus features of my close relationship with Ben & Sue has been Grandma Lois. Born in the northeast corner of Colorado, Grandma was raised to be a strong woman, a hard worker, and she could do anything she set her mind to. I could go through the details of her accomplishments listed in her beautiful obituary, but I’d rather relate what she meant to me personally.
\n\n\nFor many years, I only got to see Grandma Lois when she came to Denver to see the kids. But, finally she got to the age where she needed to live closer where someone could be there should she need a little extra support. She bought a small house around the corner from Ben & Sue. That’s when I got to spend more time with her. You never went to her house without being treated to a fresh batch of cookies and a cup of coffee. I often walked over to see her when I was visiting Colorado.
\n\n\nGrandma Lois was widowed in 1996. She was so supportive of me when Mr. Virgo died. We had long talks and she shared her love freely, helping me through a difficult time with tender understanding while, still being the strong farm woman, kicking me in the butt when I needed it. Mr. FixIt and I went to her 90th Birthday Party last summer. She loved him and thought I’d found a real gem. Whenever we spoke on the phone, she asked about him. The other day, we were watching TV when my phone rang. I looked down and said, “It’s Grandma Lois!” Mr. FixIt lit up. This was an unexpected treat!
\n\n\n“Hello, Lois! How are you???” I smiled into the camera.
\n\n\n“Oh! It’s YOU!” she said with surprise. “I never know who I’m going to get with this thing. I just punch the buttons and hope for the best!” Grandma said with a deprecating laugh.
\n\n\nWe spoke for a good half hour, sharing stories about the kids. She wanted to know all about our garden and the canning and what we had been up to. I hated for the conversation to end. You know, in the way you hate them to end because you don’t know when...or IF...you’ll get the chance for another one. We always ended our conversations with professions of love for one another, which is the way it should be when you love someone.
\n\n\nAs it turns out, that was the last conversation I got to have with Grandma Lois. She recently came down with bilateral non-Covid pneumonia at the nursing home where she’s lived the last year. She passed in her sleep on December 1st at 5:00am. She was 91.
\n\n\n“Little”, my younger granddaughter said this about her great grandmother. “Most people get to the Pearly Gates, knock on the door, and they’re let in. Not Grandma Lois! She rings the doorbell and runs!” I do believe she is right. But this time, Grandma was either too tired to run or she slipped on the step and fell.
\n\n\nI will always be grateful to have known her and loved her...and to have been loved right back. We truly were family...and friends. I am so grateful to Sue for sharing her mom with me. She knew how much I missed my own mom. Grandma Lois gave us all many gifts...not the least was modeling her deep strength and solid faith to the rest of us. I will miss you greatly, dear one...and I have comfort knowing you no longer suffer. I’ll see you on the other side.
\n\n\n?
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2020-12-05T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/12/05/day-another-sad-goodbye.html", "tags": ["Family","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Love","Widow","Memories"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/11/07/day-i-love-you-for.html", "title": "Day 238: I Love You for Who You Are...and Who You Aren’t", "content_html": "\n“You will be afraid to climb up a hill or walk down a road. Your hair will turn as white as almond blossoms. You will feel lifeless and drag along like an old grasshopper. We each go to our eternal home, and the streets here are filled with those who mourn. The silver cord snaps, the golden bowl breaks; the water pitcher is smashed, and the pulley at the well is shattered. So our bodies return to the earth, and the life-giving breath returns to God.”
\nEcclesiastes 12:5-7 CEV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/199ef60b26.jpg\")
I met Nicole in one of the many hot springs pools lining the steppes at the river’s edge in Glenwood Springs. It was getting late and it was very cold...just a few days before Christmas. I had dinner earlier...alone...at the restaurant where Mr. Virgo and I were married. It was only the second time I visited Rivers Restaurant since his death and this one didn’t hurt as much. Nearly four years had passed and my life was on a new trajectory. I was healing.
\n\n\nI sat in the pool closest to the river and watched the lights from town reflecting on the ripples of the Colorado River. Muted conversations drifted around me on the swirls of steam rising from the healing waters. A woman’s voice interrupted my reverie.
\n\n\n“Do you mind if we join you?” A young couple in their late thirties stood at the water’s edge.
\n\n\n“No...please. Join me!”
\n\n\nOur conversation was easy and flowed from one topic to another as we enjoyed sitting under the stars...the cold air freezing a crown of glistening ice in our hair. God brings people together for reasons we cannot begin to understand and Nicole was my God appointment of the day. We shared contact info and soon were Facebook friends. I’ve never seen her again, but we bonded in our own way and I’ve enjoyed following her exploits over the years.
\n\n\nLast night, when I sat down to write this, I opened Facebook and there she was...in a wedding dress, on the arm of a dark and distinguished looking man. She attached a link to a New York Times article featuring their “how we fell in love during the pandemic” story. I loved seeing that serene smile on her face. The love in their eyes was palpable. I skimmed the article and came to their vows.
\n\n\n“I promise to love you for who you are...and who you are not.”
\n\n\nI sat for the longest time letting that roll around in my mind. What an interesting phrase to share at your wedding.The more I thought about it, the more I really got it. I can totally see what she meant by that. I love Mr. FixIt for who he is...his kind and gentle spirit, his quick wit and sense of adventure, his rock steady love for me. And, I love him for who he isn’t....all the traits I’ve lived with in relationships past that didn’t mesh with my own. He isn’t jealous, possessive, or impatient. There isn’t a mean bone in his body. I love him just as much for who he is not as I do for who he is.
\n\n\nI thought about the pandemic and the timeline of our relationship. I can’t imagine starting a new relationship in the midst of all the craziness of 2020. That being said, I can’t think of anyone I’d rather be holed up with than Mr. FixIt. This year has been intense...between the pandemic and two strokes and quarantine and staying home raising a garden and canning everything in sight and taking care of a little black cat and two farms....we’ve been stuck to each other like glue.
\n\n\nI always took pride in the fact that Mr. Virgo and I never, ever raised our voices to each other. In my relationship with Mr. FixIt, I’ve realized maybe that wasn’t the healthiest thing. I held a lot in back then. I had a hefty fear of abandonment, especially after a painful divorce in 2000. I didn’t want to rock the boat. I needn’t worry about that with Mr. FixIt. We speak from the heart and sometimes have “vibrant discussions”. It’s by far the healthiest relationship I’ve ever had. And the most fun!
\n\n\nI love the circuitous route my life has taken, where it’s led me, and those whose path I’ve crossed...if only to read a story about love in the time of Covid. And getting to live my own.
\n\n\n?
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2020-11-07T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/11/07/day-i-love-you-for.html", "tags": ["Love","Widow","Marriage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/10/21/day-doo-doo-doolookin-out.html", "title": "Day 222: “Doo, Doo, Doo...Lookin’ Out my Back Door”", "content_html": "\n“You did not choose me. I chose you and sent you out to produce fruit, the kind of fruit that will last. Then my Father will give you whatever you ask for in my name. So I command you to love each other.”
\nJohn 15:16-17 CEV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/7c45276374.jpg\")
When we got back from the beach, we had thirty-three pounds of bagged and frozen fish filets in our huge cooler packed in ice. We have a refrigerator out in the pole building and I needed to move some stuff out of that freezer to make room for the fish. I had several bags of vegetable soup, a pound of hamburger, and a small chuck roast in there. I put them down in the refrigerator part and yesterday, I checked and they were just starting to thaw a bit.
\n\n\nI carried it all inside and dumped the soup in a large pot. I added a quart of the tomato sauce I canned earlier this summer. Then I chopped up the hamburger, cubed the chuck roast, and tossed them in a little flour, added salt and pepper and cooked them till they had just lost their pink color. I added the meat to the soup, adjusted the seasonings, and brought it to a boil. Then I canned eleven quarts of fabulous vegetable beef soup. Now I have all this great soup to add to the shelves for winter. Canning is a lot of work up front, but it sure saves time when you’re fixing a meal. And there’s nothing better than homemade vegetable beef soup!
\n\n\nAs I was waiting for the last canner load to process, I sat down in the family room and looked out the back door. I caught this sliver of moon hanging low over the near field beyond the pole building. You can see the honeysuckle vines on the fence to the left of the back gate. The fog rolled in as night fell. I love the little treasures I find every day here in the country. After a day of standing on your feet and working, having these moments to catch my breath and share this beauty with my love is a blessing I still have to pinch myself over.
\n\n\nA friend of mine texted the other day. She was the Human Resources Director that initially hired Mr. Virgo in Aspen. We’ve been friends ever since and she was the person who came to my home the week after Mr. Virgo died to help me begin to make some sense of the paperwork involved with dying. Anne was back at her Colorado house cleaning out more “stuff” when she came across a couple of pictures she had to share with me. They were taken at our wedding and one shows Mr. Virgo walking out and up the aisle to wait for me. I smiled when I saw him. I rarely see pictures of him that I haven’t seen before.
\n\n\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/7964990445.jpg\")
I don’t cry anymore when I see pictures of him. He has been placed in a safe place in my heart and I rarely take him out. I’ve learned how to live in the present and enjoy what God has given me this go ‘round. But I did have a dream about Mr. Virgo the other night. And my mom. Mom had passed the year before I met Mr. Virgo so he only got the stories. In my dream, I realized I hadn’t seen Mr. Virgo in a while so I told my mom I was headed to Aspen to see if I could find him. I’ve had that dream a couple of times since he died. The first time, I found him in my dream. He was working in an office. He was wearing a handsome hand-tailored suit and was shuffling papers at a large desk. We sat down and talked, although I can no longer remember what was said. This time, I couldn’t find him. It didn’t leave me bereft like the first time. It was more like, “Ahhhh, yes...I remember that love. He doesn’t live here anymore.” It’s ok now. It’s ok to move forward. It’s ok to have a happy life and to laugh and love again. And, it’s ok to keep those memories tucked in a safe place in your heart. Because they will never go away entirely. I am blessed to have a strong, secure man who gave me room to hold those memories.
\n\n\nSo, today I get my annual mammogram. Keep checking the tatas, ladies...it’s important. Then, I am going to go to the courthouse and exercise my right to vote. Who knows what I’ll get into after that? Mowing, probably. We are thinking this is probably the last time of the season since we have had two hard freezes here. We’ll have a little warm up in the coming days before the regular frosts of fall arrive. And you know what that means in West Virginia, right? The arrival of the Asian Ladybugs and those gosh awful stink bugs! Ugh...it’s just an infestation and I dread them every fall. Here’s hoping the blue Dawn and water solution I sprayed around the windows and doors helps to ward them off.
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2020-10-21T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/10/21/day-doo-doo-doolookin-out.html", "tags": ["West Virginia","Wisdom","Farm Life","Widow","Cooking","In the Kitchen"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/09/10/day-beans-tomatoes-picklesyummm.html", "title": "Day 176: Beans \u0026 Tomatoes \u0026 Pickles...YUMMM!!!", "content_html": "\n“They swarmed around me like bees, but they were consumed as quickly as burning thorns; in the name of the Lord I cut them down.”
\nPsalms 118:12 NIV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/5a90df5956.jpg\")
Ok, yesterday was a marathon day in the kitchen here at the Ponderosa. I started out by packaging up the dehydrated mushrooms then rummaging through the garden to get a few more Roma tomatoes. I set what was ready in the dehydrator and turned my attention to the green beans.
\n\n\nI had enough of the beans cleaned yesterday to set a canner on to process. Then, Mr. FixIt and I enjoyed rocking in the recliners, watching old Frazier reruns while I finished stringing and snapping the last of the beans between canner loads.
\n\n\nI learned something yesterday. I should have weighed the beans, because apparently I had a LOT more than I thought. According to the weights and measures scale for produce, a bushel of snap beans should weigh between twenty-eight and thirty-two pounds. This should result in a quart of processed beans for every one-and-a-half to two pounds of raw produce. Initially, I figured I would get two canners full with enough leftover beans to cook up a mess for supper. (\"Mess is Appalachian for a batch...a dinner's worth with leftovers.)
\n\n\nI ended up with four canners full! That's twenty-eight quarts. I did my math and I payed just over a dollar a quart for these babies. AND I got the fun and satisfaction of putting them up for winter. I know, I know...this is nothing compared to what my cousins can every year. They put up hundreds of jars of food. I'm a little limited by supplies this year as I was sort of starting from scratch in the canning department. I'll get more jars and lids next spring.
\n\n\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/a3278baa28.jpg\")
When the last canner was filled and on the stove, I got out my fermenting equipment and got two quarts of dill pickles started. They will sit for one to three weeks in the brine till they get to my desired taste. I made one quart with hot red pepper flakes for a little extra pizazz. I would normally use dried whole red peppers from the spice aisle but Walmart didn't have them.
\n\n\nAnd that was the end of my day. I was tired...but it was a good kind of tired. My hands smell like garlic and they're soft from working with wet beans for two days. My hips are sore from sitting so much. But, ohhhhh.....those beautiful jars of bottled summer take my breath away when I look at them!
\n\n\nIt was not till I was typing this last night to post this morning that I noticed the date. Today would have been Mr. Virgo's 70th birthday! It feels so unreal. He will always and forever be 62...a number I passed five years ago. I can't even imagine him at 70. He would have reluctantly retired. He had no hobbies other than golf and me. I never, EVER would have considered taking off in the camper by myself and having adventures without him. He told me when we were first dating that if I was the kind of woman who was going to leave him alone for long stretches of time, he wasn't interested. I had been in a two decade marriage with a workaholic who had dinner between 8:00-10:00 every night. I was ready for that one-on-one attention.
\n\n\nDon't get me wrong...I absolutely adore Mr. FixIt and I treasure every moment we have together. AND, I learned I need some space to recharge from time to time...for my own mental health as well as the comfort of my spouse. Different people. Different marriages. Different expectations. Still...I think of that silver-haired man and smile now.
\n\n\nSeventy.
\n\n\nWow.
\n\n\nHappy Heavenly Birthday, Mr. Virgo!
\n\n\n❤
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2020-09-10T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/09/10/day-beans-tomatoes-picklesyummm.html", "tags": ["Positive Energy","West Virginia","Gratitude","Wisdom","Aging","Peaceful Moments","Be Joyful!","Farm Life","Widow","Memories","Marriage","Cooking","In the Kitchen"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/08/25/day-snaking-a-drain-and.html", "title": "Day 160: Snaking a Drain and Praising Jesus", "content_html": "\nWhatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men,
\nColossians 3:23 ESV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/d3e590e350.jpg\")
Have you ever run a drain snake? I’m not talking about those little hand crank jobs that you get the hair clog out from under your sink. No...I’m talking about that big ol’ mama honkin’ electric job like a plumber uses. We have a drain at the bottom of the back staircase down into the basement that gets clogged with roots and the like and really should be snaked out once a year. Well...it hasn’t been done for three years and this spring we had a mess on our hands.
\n\n\nWhen the drain gets clogged, the water backs up and comes in our basement. When this happens, we have to take the carpet cleaner and suck up the water. It’s a mess and king sized pain in the patoot. We decided to buy one of these snakes instead of rent them over and over and yesterday was our lucky day. We’ve had dry weather so before it got too hot, we got to work.
\n\n\nI’ve never run one of these things, so I watched Mr. FixIt closely. There is a cable with blades on the end. There is a power switch that starts the cable to turning. Then you feed the cable down into the drain. In our case, it has to go about fifteen feet then makes a hard turn so you have to navigate the blades through there. Then, the cable is fifty feet long. The object is to get all that cable down in there to chew up any roots and clear out the drain.
\n\n\nWe had to run it down and pull it back several times to remove roots from the blades. It’s really hard on your back, so I finally took over and did the feeding. The last two times we put it down, it hit snags and I could not seem to get it to go past that point. By then the sun was overhead and it was getting really hot so we gave up on it for the day.
\n\n\nI love to learn how to do new things. I love learning how to be self sufficient...not that I’m thinking I’ll have to be any time soon, but experience has taught me it is best to know how to do what needs to be done. We’ll get back to it today. I picked another pan of tomatoes last evening so I have enough to can some. I ordered more pork picnic roasts to smoke and can. And, it’s just about time to bake bread again. We found more canning jars in the basement so I’m not as short as I thought I was. And, there’s a dehydrator so I think I’m going to try drying some of the Roma tomatoes and pack them in olive oil to preserve them.
\n\n\nThis is a beautiful time to be alive...if you LOOK for the beauty. It’s still out there!
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2020-08-25T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/08/25/day-snaking-a-drain-and.html", "tags": ["Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Wisdom","Farm Life","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/08/23/day-burning-down-my-memories.html", "title": "Day 158: Burning Down My Memories", "content_html": "\n“God makes everything happen at the right time. Yet none of us can ever fully understand all he has done, and he puts questions in our minds about the past and the future. I know the best thing we can do is to always enjoy life, because God's gift to us is the happiness we get from our food and drink and from the work we do.”
\nEcclesiastes 3:11-13 CEV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/04cfad250c.jpg\")
I was a new widow when I bought my first camper. A little 16’ job with everything I needed. I miss that little camper...the original TOW-Wanda. I still regret trading her in for the big behemoth I own now, but...water under the bridge, you know.
\n\n\nI always wanted a camper although I had never pulled one. I camped in a tent a couple of times and once drove cross country in an old VW Poptop Van, but actually having my own camper eluded me.
\n\n\nI tried to get Hubby #2 to buy one and he refused. It never occurred to me to go out and buy one myself. I wasn’t brave enough to do such a thing back then. But Mr. Virgo understood my wanderlust and, while not an avid camper himself, was anxious to see that I got to do all the fun things I wanted.
\n\n\nWhen he died suddenly while we were looking at the camper for our retirement, I thought my dreams would end there. But, something stirred within me almost from the beginning of widowhood. I was determined to have that camper and found a way to make it work.
\n\n\nLittle TOW-Wanda came into my life just a few weeks after the funeral. I carefully stocked her and as soon as the spring snows melted, I was off on The Grand Adventure through the wilderness and backroads of Colorado by myself.
\n\n\nI am so glad there were no forest fires to speak of that summer, or I might have lost the heart for this fun way of life. I traveled a circle clear around the state at least twice in those three months. One particularly beautiful stretch was heading west on Colorado Route 14 through Poudre Canyon. I hadn’t been through there since the High Park Fire of 2012 the year before. It was devastating to see the blackened vegetation...the trees standing like gnarled fingers pointing to the sky.
\n\n\nI drove to the far west end where the fire had spared the canyon. I found an empty campsite right on the edge of the Cache la Poudre River and backed in. It was early in the camping season. The kids were still in school, and I had just about every campground I went to all to myself.
\n\n\nI had camped in Rocky Mountain National Park for a few days prior to my arrival in Poudre Canyon. I saw wildlife galore on that trip...elk, deer, turkey, mink, ermine, marmot, Bald Eagles, Great Horned Owls, moose, coyotes. Everything except a bear. The last morning at this campsite, I talked with Mr. Virgo...as I did most mornings. I thanked him for bringing all the beautiful animals to enjoy...I really appreciated them. But, could he please just bring me at least one bear???
\n\n\nI packed up and headed west on Colorado 14 and began the long, steady climb up to Cameron Pass. By the time I got to Joe Wright Reservoir, my engine was getting a little hot. I decided to pull in the parking area and gaze at the still frozen water. Signs of spring were coming to the high country as the fresh green leaves were popping out on the aspen trees and the undergrowth was beginning to show signs of life. Finally, when the engine and transmission were cooled, I took off to the tip top of the pass.
\n\n\nI had just crested the pass at 10, 249’ and began the slow descent down when I noticed the most odd thing. Someone had placed a huge statue of a bear, right along the highway where it makes a sharp bend to the right. I slowed down to look at it, then realized...to my sheer delight...it was a real, live bear! Standing on the edge of the road, the sheer drop off behind him. I stopped the truck and stared. Thank God there wasn’t someone coming along behind me! I tried to snap a photo of the bear, but the memory was full on my phone and by the time I reached for my digital camera, it had disappeared over the edge. I realized that memory was for me alone.
\n\n\nI don’t believe I have seen another bear in the wilds of Colorado since that one magical morning on Cameron Pass. And now...Cameron Pass is burning, as is much of Colorado and points west. Climate change has brought increasing drought and prevailing winds so the fires continue to become worse and worse.
\n\n\nI don’t know when, or if, I will ever have the opportunity to go on an adventure like that again. But I must say...the memories of those three months pulling my camper through the majestic Rocky Mountains have never faded and remind me of God’s reckless love for me...to grace me with these memories that still fill my heart.
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2020-08-23T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/08/23/day-burning-down-my-memories.html", "tags": ["Travel","Uplifting Stories","Strong Women","TOW-Wanda!","Camping","The Grand Adventure","God","Wisdom","Peaceful Moments","Widow","Road Trip"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/08/22/day-a-funny-thing-happened.html", "title": "Day 157: A Funny Thing Happened on the Way...", "content_html": "\n“God is the one who rules the whole earth, and we that live here are merely insects. He spread out the heavens like a curtain or an open tent.”
\nIsaiah 40:22 CEV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/66f9562a05.jpg\")
God has a sense of humor. He knows when we’ve had it up to here. That’s when he sends you something so patently absurd, you can’t help but break out into a belly laugh. That’s one of the ways the Great Healer heals...He brings us laughter.
\n\n\nMr. FixIt and I had a laundry list of things that needed doing yesterday in town...one of which was to mail some overdue greeting cards. There were two condolence cards and a graduation card, so I sat down to write. I filled out the first card and wrote a lovely note. As I prepared to start the second condolence card, Mr. FixIt interrupted me as he was looking for the graduation announcement. We needed it for the address to send the graduation card.
\n\n\nI told him not to worry, I would just text his sister to get the address. It wasn’t long till she and I were chatting back and forth. She gave me the address and I wrote it on the envelope. As we chatted about the smoked pork I canned last week, I wrote the sentiment in the card and popped it in the envelope.
\n\n\nThen I reached for.... Suddenly, I was puzzled. The only card left was the graduation card. If that’s the case...what was I writing in? I opened the envelope and there was the sympathy card...addressed to the young graduate! I started laughing, because I could just imagine which one would be funnier.
\n\n\nThe new graduate with...
\n\n\nRemembering you \nin thought and prayer...\n\nLet there be hope.\nLet there be stories.\nLet there be celebration\nof a life well-lived.\nLet there be tears,\nbut let there be happy memories\nof all you shared.\n\n\n
or...
\n\n\nMy cousin, the new widow, with the handwritten sentiment....
\n\n\n“Congratulations on your\nGraduation & Best Wishes \nin your Future Endeavors!”\n\n\n
I told my cousin about it last night and we laughed till we cried. I wonder which one I should send it to?
\n\n\nWhen we were leaving Walmart later in the afternoon, I walked by a woman on her cell phone. Her husband had wandered off and she was on the phone, trying to explain he should turn around and he could see her. Finally, she got frustrated and without the phone, she yelled his name.
\n\n\n“Marco!!!”
\n\n\nTo which I turned around and shouted...
\n\n\n“Polo!!!”
\n\n\nWe stood looking at each other for half a beat and literally doubled over laughing. Oh, you can’t make this stuff up!
\n\n\nLater in the day, I was on the phone with my son-in-law’s mom. Her husband and our granddaughter, “Little”, went to the nursing home to see her great grandmother yesterday afternoon. When she got home she said,
\n\n\n“Mimi, Grandma has gotten sick and almost died so many times in the last few years. There have been times Mom picked us up and we just went straight to the nursing home to say goodbye. Then she rallies and gets better. You know, I think most people go up there and knock on the doors of Heaven and are let right in. But, not Grandma. I think she rings the doorbell and runs!”
\n\n\nWhat a delightfully happy diversion laughter can be when things are so hard and dark. Laughter IS the best medicine!!!
\n\n\nAnd, oh...by the way...my cousin won. I’m sending HER the card...as is!
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2020-08-22T01:20:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/08/22/day-a-funny-thing-happened.html", "tags": ["Health","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Positive Energy","Fun","Wisdom","Choices","Be Joyful!","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/08/11/day-another-bad-night-another.html", "title": "Day 146: Another Bad Night, Another Good Day", "content_html": "\n“Everything on earth has its own time and its own season......for crying and laughing, weeping and dancing,”
\nEcclesiastes 3:1, 4 CEV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/6ea56db7c2.jpg\")
I used to have what I referred to as “bad nights” in the early years after losing Mr. Virgo. I will never forget the blessed feeling of relief when they finally let up. I will also never forget when they resurfaced years later and I couldn’t shake the thought that maybe this is just the way things are with the new new normal of grief.
\n\n\nThankfully, those bad nights are few and far between anymore. They are usually triggered by stress and...could there be anything more stressful than your new husband having two strokes not much more than a year after the wedding...compounded by everything else going on in this world today? We have had two deaths in the family in the last two weeks. One was my cousin’s husband. That stirs up those old memories.
\n\n\nI went to bed Sunday night like I always do. I slept so well on Friday and Saturday nights. I was hoping for a repeat. I wrote my post. I fed my sourdough starter. I took my meds and did my evening toilette. I climbed between clean sheets with the windows open and a cool evening breeze coming in. I put away my phone so I wouldn’t be tempted to lay there and surf or read or play games. In other words, I did everything right. Still...sleep did not come.
\n\n\nI laid there for hours...tossing and turning. I knew I was keeping Mr. FixIt awake, so I tried to just lay still so I wouldn’t bother him. Then I got a headache from laying in the same position. When Mr. FixIt doesn’t sleep soundly, he become a noisy sleeper. Every time he turns over, he either moans or shouts out...depending on the level of discomfort he has from arthritis. Suffice it to say...I watched the sun coming up.
\n\n\nI got up, drew my fuzzy robe around me, and walked outside to photograph the morning fog. I love fog...it’s so cool and mysterious and softens the world to a hazy glow. The fog also dampens the sounds of the world. The birds seem to whisper their tenuous calls so not to wake up Mother Nature before the coffee’s ready.
\n\n\nI wandered around for a while, went back inside and cleaned the kitchen, and finally...around 7:30...I thought I’d try again to sleep. That’s when the “bad” part of the “bad nights” hit. I laid there, realizing it had now been 24 hours I’d been awake. What if something happened and Mr. FixIt had a medical emergency and needed me? What if something happened to the kids? How would I be my best if I hadn’t had any sleep. You all know where that snowball went...right downhill.
\n\n\nI laid there, quietly willing myself to settle down, to not borrow trouble, to not wake up my husband. When he finally did wake up, I told him about my night and he urged me to not worry about a thing and get some sleep. I went into the guest room and slept till 3:30 in the afternoon!
\n\n\nWhen I awoke, we went to the farm to get the long ladder so I could seal the roof on TOW-Wanda. When we got home, we watched the news and then worked on the camper. I fixed a great meal, and the day was done. My biggest gift of the day came again from Miss Jackie. Her husband was a pastor and she is just a knowledgeable woman when it comes to the Bible. There, in her comment on yesterday’s post was her formula for maintaining mental health. A verse from Philippians. I’ll include it here.
\n\n\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/92848514cb.jpg\")
These verses are an instruction manual for maintaining balance in these crazy times. Good friends can bring such good advice when they are plugged into the light. I cherish those friends who tell me like it is, who gently correct...and who sometimes kick me in the butt when I need it. Thank you all for always being here.
\n\n\nAs Ram Dass said...”We are all just walking each other home.”
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2020-08-11T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/08/11/day-another-bad-night-another.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Positive Energy","God","Wisdom","Fear","Peaceful Moments","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/07/29/day-the-many-faces-of.html", "title": "Day 133: The Many Faces of Grief", "content_html": "\n“You have a special place in my heart. So it is only natural for me to feel the way I do. All of you have helped in the work God has given me, as I defend the good news and tell about it here in jail.”
\nPhilippians 1:7 CEV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/4799e91537.jpg\")
I received a phone call yesterday from my baby cousin. She was the one who lived far away and came to visit us several times when we were growing up. She’s had her hands full...caring for her mom, my favorite auntie. And for her husband, who has been ill for quite some time. They are young...not quite sixty. I remember the first time I got to see her. She couldn’t quite walk and my aunt had her dressed in the sweetest little outfit with a matching coat. Her little curls stuck out from under the edges of the matching bonnet.
\n\n\nWe were all smitten with our “Trinket”, as Grandma called her. She was like a china doll and we didn’t even mind that Grandma paid all her attention to this little one. We knew she was special. Anyway...she called yesterday. Her beloved husband passed in his sleep Sunday night. My heart breaks for her because I know what she is going through. I know what she has ahead of her. I pray for her comfort and peace. I know she is very strong and capable and she will get through this. I just hate it for her.
\n\n\nWhen I look back at pictures of us all those many years ago, we had no idea what was going to happen to us in our lives. She is now the third of us cousins to lose a spouse. Grandma lost her only love when she was sixty-five. She showed us girls how to live through that with strength and dignity and courage.
\n\n\nThere are so many faces of grief. It isn’t just the death of a person that grieves us. We can feel just as deep grief whether the source is a person, place, or thing. I’ve been grieving a potential loss the last couple of years knowing my beloved family farm will not always be “mine”. My uncle owns it and he is aging now. He cannot keep coming to fix it or put the money into it forever, so the time will come.
\n\n\nI was grieving that more this week since the tree came down and the house needed fixing. It made the “eventuality” come closer to the forefront. I have to admit, I became distraught over it. Then “Trinket” lost her husband and God whispered...”All things must come to an end and come Home to me.”
\n\n\nWe can make all the plans we want. We can have dreams and adventures. And in the end, our best gift is the memories we made with the time we were given. I’ve been having a lot of fun with this baking and gardening and canning. And, as soon as that settles down, my focus is back on writing. I’m going to write the story of...The Farm: A Story of Love and Land. I’ll gather pictures and stories from everyone and we’ll have a book for the family to read and remember. Then we’ll have a grand reunion and say a proper goodbye to this home of my heart.
\n\n\nI have no idea how much time I have exactly for this project, but I’m giving myself a year. That should be plenty. And it will help ease my dependence on the old house. Someday she will not be ours...she will belong to another family. But, she will always and forever be the home of my heart.
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2020-07-29T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/07/29/day-the-many-faces-of.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","West Virginia","The Farm","Growth","Gratitude","Wisdom","Choices","Change","Farm Life","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/07/27/day-searching-for-grace.html", "title": "Day 131: Searching for Grace", "content_html": "\n“My people will live in peaceful dwelling places, in secure homes, in undisturbed places of rest. Though hail flattens the forest and the city is leveled completely, how blessed you will be, sowing your seed by every stream, and letting your cattle and donkeys range free.”
\nIsaiah 32:18-20 NIV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/49b2b242a8.jpg\")
We have held church in our living room every Sunday since the lockdown began. Which means we have not attended services with our church family since the middle of February. It’s only been four months, but it seems like a lifetime ago. While I miss my peeps there, I’ve learned that church is not the building we attend. As a matter of fact, those ninety minutes a week we spend there is really such a small piece of who I am as a Christian. I have a supportive group of Christian women in my life. We keep each other in prayer and check in on one another, offering support wherever it is needed. One of my group recently found out she has Covid even though she followed the guidelines. Masks and hand washing are good deterrents, but they are not 100% effective. We know this. But, for now, they are the only bullet in the gun.
\n\n\nOur pastor preached a sermon yesterday on grace. Having grace for our people is normally pretty easy. We are all trying to get through and lift each other up as best we can. That’s the easy part. It is harder to find grace for those with whom we vehemently disagree. I am often torn. There are things I find more difficult to forgive than others. Then I remember...Jesus loves the sinner, hates the sin.
\n\n\nI have been searching for grace more and more lately. We are weary of this mess. We are weary of the news. We are sometimes frightened by what we see...things we have never seen before. Or...at least, not for a long, long time. Things we never thought we would have to deal with again. Things are changing...shifting...dying...growing...ending. This is the hardest part of change. When we can find something constant to focus on, we can rise above the chaos.
\n\n\nThis will not last forever. It is grief. We are grieving the status quo. We are yearning for what once was. We are mourning the loss of the lives we knew...the comfort, the stability, the sameness. It is a collective grief we are all feeling to some extent or another. This is not easy. But, if there is anything losing Mr. Virgo taught me, it is that there really is nothing in the world we have real control over except our reactions to it.
\n\n\nEveryone...well, it seems everyone I know, anyway...has an opinion about what’s going on in the world. Politically, socially, economically, physically, mentally...and social media has brought out the worst in many of us. I am a work in progress, but I truly am trying to focus more on grace and less on my insatiable need to be “right.”
\n\n\nAs I watch the news and scan Facebook, I send prayers up for those I disagree with. I try, sometimes unsuccessfully, to keep my mouth shut. I cannot tell you how many times I have typed out a very LONG rebuttal to someone’s angry statement, only to think better of it and erase it instead of hitting send.
\n\n\nI ask myself one very important question.
\n\n\nWhich would I rather be...”right” or happy?
\n\n\nI try to emulate Jesus. I try to think of what He would do in each situation. And I’ve come to the conclusion that...sometimes we need to be the teacher. Sometimes we need to turn over the tables in the temple. And sometimes we need to go into the garden and pray. Praying for discernment to know which attribute to use at any given time is a full time job and I’m working it hard.
\n\n\nI’m not always successful, but I do give it my best shot.
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n\n“So whenever we are in need, we should come bravely before the throne of our merciful God. There we will be treated with undeserved grace, and we will find help.”
\nHebrews 4:16 CEV\n
Hebrews 4:16 CEV
\n\n", "date_published": "2020-07-27T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/07/27/day-searching-for-grace.html", "tags": ["Overcoming Obstacles","Positive Energy","Grace","Peace","Forgiveness","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/04/23/day-prioritizing.html", "title": "Day 38: Prioritizing", "content_html": "\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/705461122f.jpg\")
It isn’t always easy to do a do-over...those moments where life throws you a king sized curve ball and you get to reinvent yourself. There were the divorces. The overdose. Mr. Virgo’s death. The move to WV. Marrying Mr. FixIt. And now...coronavirus has sent us into timeout giving us the opportunity to rethink some things. There are very few things I actually regret doing in my life. But every single time I’ve had to rebuild or rethink has been an incredible time of personal growth.
\n\n\nI received an email this week from my financial advisor with that dreaded “we need to talk” subject. I’ve expected this and was actually preparing to call her anyway. We set a time for yesterday. I sipped my coffee out by the pool in the morning sunshine while we talked about strategies and being good stewards of the funds we are entrusted with. Danielle has taught me a lot about money. I wouldn’t say I’m financially wealthy by any stretch of the imagination. But what I do have, I want to be careful with.
\n\n\nMy mind wandered back to when I first became a widow. I had so much to deal with....bills, debt, and planning for a future without my primary breadwinner. I had the money from my divorce settlement and I was still years away from Social Security and Medicare. I had been a “kept woman” for most of my adult life having the luxury of staying home for a portion of that as a stay-at-home mom. Honestly, I knew nothing about money and avoided the conversation like the plague. Once I became a widow, I had no choice. I had to learn.
\n\n\nI didn’t handle my finances very well. Whether it was denial or rebellion or an attempt to soothe my grief with spending, money slipped through my hands like water. And, if I’m going to be brutally honest...in that first year or two, I honestly didn’t think I could possibly survive that so I might as well go out with a bang. Of course, there came a moment of clarity when I realized I had to rein it in or lose my retirement money completely, thank God.
\n\n\nSomewhere in yesterday’s conversation with Danielle, I had a lightbulb moment. I told her I didn’t know if it was being married to a down-to-earth, frugal WV boy or reaching “a certain age” or what...but I’ve suddenly felt a sort of fiduciary maturation of late. I can talk about money without my palms sweating or my heart racing which is such a relief.
\n\n\nWhen I first started with Danielle, she asked if I wanted to work with a secular guideline or a faith-based one. I had never heard of taking a faith-based approach to financial management and that certainly appealed to me. When we talk about my retirement funds, we talk about looking at my money with intentionality. Where do I want to be in two years? God has blessed me with these funds. How can I use them responsibly?
\n\n\nThe spigot of spending has been turned off by this pandemic. What was once multiple trips to town per week has dwindled to one. It’s given me the opportunity to re-evaluate the shopping experience. When we come out of this, I know my own personal spending habits will be different. While the reason we are having home is tragic, we can...we MUST...learn new skills.
\n\n\nMy shopping list is usually in an online shopping app. I put what I think I need in my cart and leave it there for a week. Then I review it and invariably ended up either deleting items or saving them for consideration later. If, after two or three weeks, I feel it’s warranted, then I complete my purchase. My recent order included supplies to make homemade tofu. It’s been a long time since I’ve made my own. It tastes so much better than the store bought variety and it’s an affordable source of protein. I buy my soybeans from a farm in Iowa. They are organic and non-GMO. I don’t know if I could ever be a vegetarian, but I can certainly substitute meats with fresh tofu 2-3 times a week.
\n\n\nI’ve cleaned up my schedule, we’re cleaning up our living space, we’re creating ways to enjoy our property without the expense or hazards of travel while still maintaining the experience, and now we’re cleaning up our diet. Well, yeah, ok...there’s pie. But I substituted part of the sugar with Splenda. Hey...one step at a time, ok?
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2020-04-23T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/04/23/day-prioritizing.html", "tags": ["Positive Energy","Comfort","Choices","Change","Farm Life","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/04/19/day-we-are-in-the.html", "title": "Day 34: We Are in the Same Storm...NOT the Same Boat", "content_html": "\n“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.”
\nRomans 8:28 ESV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/dc4fde4685.jpg\")
Let me preface this by stating this is not an original thought. I mean, really...IS there such a thing anymore? No, I read something yesterday on Facebook that someone forwarded. It was attributed to an “Unknown Author” so, who knows? If you wrote it or know for certain who did, let me know so I can give credit where credit is due.
\n\n\nThe premise of the post was the pandemic and where we factor in it. I’m sure we all have read “We are in the same boat!” That couldn’t be further from the truth. “We’ll get through this together!” Oh, that I truly pray for. But in the same boat? Nope. We’re in the same storm. And even that is somewhat different. The storm in Washington state and Florida and New York and Texas and New Orleans is far different than Montana and Wyoming and North Dakota and even here in West Virginia.
\n\n\nThe only thing that is absolute is, we are facing the same enemy...Covid-19. That’s the storm we are collectively facing. For some, it’s hardly a blip on the radar screen. For others, it’s a Class V Hurricane. To say we are all in the same boat is totally inaccurate. We are all in our own boats...sailing along as best we can with what’s being thrown our way. It’s a crapshoot where the dice will land when they're tossed our way.
\n\n\nSome of us are riding this wave with life vests out the wazoo. Money in the bank, food in the larder, a mortgage free home. It’s pretty much business as usual with a little more time at home than we’re used to. Maybe we don’t get the choicest cut of meat or they were out of our favorite wine. Maybe our biggest challenge is getting oh so bored with the menu at Chez Home Kitchen or we’ve gone through our DVR’s backlog of “must see” shows we always wanted to catch up on.
\n\n\nOthers have always been a paycheck away from hunger or homelessness. We’ve got parents teaching their children through online learning on top of working their own 10-12 hour day online...if we’re lucky enough to have a job, period. Some of us don’t have sweet and tender spouses ready to be there to back us up in our darkest time of need. Some of us have suffered abuse at night but at least had those hours on the job as a way to escape the blows for a while. Some of our children are facing hunger now more than ever...maybe for the first time in their little lives. Maybe the weight of the crises between moms and dad is spilling over and the littles are catching the brunt of it in ways we cannot imagine.
\n\n\nWe are NOT in the same boat. The single mom with three kids that’s trying to figure out how to keep her family together is not the same as the retired couple sipping their martini and watching the evening news together in their neat and tidy mansion on the 9th hole of the local country club.
\n\n\nWe are NOT in the same boat. The dad who works three jobs to put food on the table and finds himself standing in a food bank line for 10 hours to receive a sack of groceries the likes of which others can pick up at the corner market without a second thought.
\n\n\nWe are NOT in the same boat. Blacks and Latinos are dying in far greater numbers simply because their demographic puts them at a higher risk for disease.
\n\n\nWe ARE, however, in the same storm...more or less. We are facing a formidable foe. I pray we get through this together. But some of us won’t. Many of us won’t.
\n\n\nWe are seeing exactly what I told you we would see. I told you, if the numbers didn’t turn out to be the mega-catastrophic death tolls originally predicted, we would have people screaming that we over-reacted. I told you this would happen if the curve flattened but it’s not because we over-reacted. It’s because the safety measures we put in place did their jobs. This debate will rage for months...could more lives have been saved if we started earlier? Did we do enough? Did we do too much? Where and when did the virus actually start? Since we didn’t have enough tests, what is the actually number of patients infected?
\n\n\nNow we are seeing protests of the shutdown and some officials are easing restrictions in what others see as too soon and with reckless abandon. Just the other day I wrote a post about gaslighting and we are seeing more and more of that, too. Changes will come at a dizzying speed and it’s going to be hard to keep up. Throw a presidential election in the mix and...holy cats...what a mess.
\n\n\nIt’s not all gloom and doom, though. Look at how folks are rallying around the people on the front lines. Look at how people are contributing and volunteering and organizing. As Mrs. Rogers told her little boy...”Look for the helpers.” They're out there and they are doing good things. There are positive things coming from this. People are searching out ways to be of service.
\n\n\nIf you’re still having trouble finding a ray of hope, try this. There wasn’t a single school shooting in all of March 2020...the first March since 2002 to not see one.
\n\n\nThat is a sobering thought.
\n\n\nMaybe, just maybe....maybe we don’t WANT to go back to normal.
\n\n\nMaybe this is our chance to change. This is our do-over.
\n\n\nI had to do it after Mr. Virgo died. I had to create a whole new normal. A whole new world. A whole new identity. Heck, if I...in all my messy dysfunction...could work with God and create something as beautiful as the life I’m living, anything is possible.
\n\n\nAnything.
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n\n““Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.”
\nIsaiah 43:18-19 ESV\n
#StartingOver, #Healing, #Coronavirus
\n\n", "date_published": "2020-04-19T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/04/19/day-we-are-in-the.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Growth","New Ideas","God","Wisdom","Fear","Courage","Humbled","Choices","Change","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/04/12/day-an-easter-well-never.html", "title": "Day 27: An Easter We’ll Never Forget", "content_html": "\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/59d64cceec.jpg\")
I was ten years old when JFK was assassinated and I remember every detail of that day...and the days and weeks after. That event changed my life by taking away the innocent idea that everything is good in the world. Martin Luther King. Bobby Kennedy. The Challenger explosion. 9/11. All monumentally bad things that happened and changed the world in an instant.
\n\n\nLife went on after each one, but I’ll bet most of us remember where we were and what we were doing when they happened. The thing the past can teach us is...things change. Things can be really bad. But they’ll be ok again. Albeit a different kind of ok...but ok nonetheless.
\n\n\nI look back over the Easters in my life. There were a lot of them that didn’t hold any meaning to me other than the Easter Bunny bringing candy and colorful eggs to my kids...even when we were living a Jewish life. Because, in my house, it was ME making the choice to become Jewish and you don’t take Santa and the Easter Bunny away from a five year old.
\n\n\nThe Easters that had meaning to me during my childhood were when we went to Grandma’s little white church on the hill. We came back to her house and had a big supper and pigged out on candy. I remember one particular Easter, my paternal grandmother baked me a bunny cake that was so clever. And someone made my grandma a sugar egg that you could peek inside and see the Easter Bunny delivering eggs.
\n\n\nBefore Mr. Virgo died, we went to Mass for Easter but he always had to work the holidays, so again...not so memorable.
\n\n\nIt wasn’t till after Mr. Virgo died that I truly started to feel the true meaning of Easter. Good Friday is so somber and solemn and sad. Then Easter bursts forth with Joy at the first rays of morning light. Ever since I found my church home, I have enjoyed Easter Services with my church family and this time it’s different. We have to listen to our pastor online like the majority of others. It’s not the same as being there, but it’s still corporate prayer.
\n\n\nEaster has never changed. Whether we are in a building or not...THAT is not the church. WE are the church. Wherever two or more of you are gathered in His Name...there is love. If you are isolated and alone during this time...remember, you have the Holy Spirit dwelling within you so you are never truly alone. That was one of the biggest comforts to me when I became a widow.
\n\n\nYes...this is an Easter we will never forget. It’s a story we will share till the day we die. Things may seem dismal in the world. But Jesus overcame the world. It in with Him that I find my deepest Joy...even in the darkest of moments.
\n\n\nMay you all have a Blessed Easter. May you connect with loved ones on this day. And, may you find the peace that surpasses all understanding.
\n\n\nHe is Risen!
\n\n\n❤️?❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2020-04-12T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/04/12/day-an-easter-well-never.html", "tags": ["Faith","Hope","Gratitude","Grace","God","Holiday","Be Joyful!","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/03/28/day-when-it-rains-it.html", "title": "Day 12: When it Rains, it Rains and Rains and Rains!", "content_html": "\n“Early on the first day of the week, while it was still dark, Mary Magdalene went to the tomb and saw that the stone had been removed from the entrance.”
\nJohn 20:1 NIV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/ba2cb99b24.jpg\")
We are heading into what is one of the wettest times of the year in West Virginia. At the same time, the temperature is beginning to rise and that combo is what wakes up the grass and gets it growing. Every spring there are funny memes of people trying to mow the lawn in scuba gear. Sometimes it’s hard to get the garden plowed if you didn’t jump on it in early March. Then you have to wait for it to dry so you can plant. I’m not complaining, mind you. At least we aren’t planning to have more snow or hard freezes at this point like what I was used to in Colorado.
\n\n\nWith the pandemic, and the resultant shock waves going through the economy, it looks like we may be staying put here for a while. If I am anything, it’s flexible. And Lord knows we are all going to need to embrace that trait in the foreseeable future. We are blessed with a home and land and safety. There’s no need to rush into anything right now. Besides, that will take the pressure off and we can take our time fixing this place up.
\n\n\nWith all that in mind, Mr. FixIt and I have been talking about having a bigger garden here at The Ponderosa. I’m picking up a case of canning jars every time I go to the store. I bought a new gasket (plus a spare) for the pressure canner. One of the problems with growing a garden in the country is the wildlife that stand around waiting for the salad bar to open. We have tons of rabbits and they eat my green beans every year. We also have deer. In the past, Mr. FixIt grew a big garden here and used an electric fence to keep the deer out. I’ve been looking at a setup like the one pictured above...at least for the salad stuff that the rabbits get into. I don’t know how big we’ll actually go, but I really like the idea of the raised beds. It’s better on your back.
\n\n\nA couple of years ago, we bought a shaded gazebo for the deck by the pool. We didn’t put it up last summer because we thought we would be pushing to get the house on the market and wanted to save it for the new house. Since that isn’t happening right away, I think we’ll go ahead and do that when the weather clears up a bit. There’s still the bathroom to finish. And the drain at the bottom of the outdoor stairwell to enlarge and install a sump pump. And then the second bathroom and the wallpaper in the dining room needs to come off. The list goes on and on. I’m hoping when the pandemic eases and gathering restrictions are lifted, we can get the boys out here to help us get some of these big jobs completed.
\n\n\nAs I sit here in our home, safe and secure, and for all I know...healthy and virus free...I count my many blessings. As of this writing, no one I know is affected by the virus itself...just the inconvenience of isolation. I’ve been video chatting with the family. I pray a lot...every day. I limit myself to NBC Nightly News with Lester Holt...thirty minutes with an uplifting story at the end. It’s all I can take.
\n\n\nThe other night, when I was admittedly overdosing on news and watching every update, I was sitting here writing my post and all of a sudden, I just went numb. My hearing was muffled. My skin was tingling. My heart was pounding. I wasn’t necessarily frightened. I didn’t feel the surge of adrenalin like I usually feel if I’m having an anxiety reaction or panic attack. I felt detached...like a casual observer. My inner spirit told me what was happening. I was overwhelmed. I was grieving. I’ve been passively watching life as we’ve known it fall apart and it felt way too familiar. I closed my eyes and leaned back and listened to my body cry out to me for mercy. So, I talked back. I soothed my fear. I reminded myself that God is still here...He is always here. I concentrated on my breathing and feeling the air as it moved in and out of my nostrils. I reminded myself I was safe here. Nothing was happening to me in this moment. Mr. FixIt was safe, too. I reminded myself that, even though there are so many things going on right now that are out of my control, there are still many things I can do to feel more at ease.
\n\n\nWhen people tell you to just count your blessings, they aren’t necessarily trying to be dismissive of your fear. I have found the action of actually counting my blessing to be soothing. Directing your thoughts to something in the here and now can get you off the runaway train of fear. Looking around the room and naming five things. Closing your eyes and counting five sounds...five smells...five textures can bring you down off the ledge of anxiety. As I went through this exercise, I could feel the numbness leave and my heart rate slowed down. My hearing came back clear and I was fine.
\n\n\nI may have to talk myself down off the ledge any number of times in the coming weeks. I don’t know. What I do know is...we are ok. We are safe. We are here. And, we are planning a garden for when the brighter days come.
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2020-03-28T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/03/28/day-when-it-rains-it.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Hope","West Virginia","Growth","Gratitude","Wisdom","Humbled","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/03/21/day-five-love-in-the.html", "title": "Day Five: Love in the Time of CoVid", "content_html": "\n“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you.”
\nIsaiah 43:2 ESV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/ce8f7636b7.jpg\")
Thankfully we didn’t need to venture to town yesterday. Instead, we took a drive over to the farm to check in. Oh...what an amazingly warm day it was. I actually saw the thermometer at 79! All was well at the home place. The daffodils are blooming as are the forsythia and the flowering quince. The irises are shooting their flat, sword-like blades out from the wet, awakening earth. As you drive out through the country, the bushes along the roadsides are gaining a green, ghostly hue as the leaves begin to form.
\n\n\nThis is rockslide season and we saw evidence of several...one was actually encroaching on the road. The highway crew hadn’t gotten to it yet. It is supposed to get chilly again this weekend and then I wouldn’t be surprised if we stay in the high 50’s, low 60’s for a while. I don’t think there’s much of a chance of having another freeze this spring.
\n\n\nSpeaking of spring, with all the madness going on in the world, I totally missed the first day of spring! It’s here...even though it is highly overshadowed this time.
\n\n\nI read something yesterday that someone shared. It was a letter to the humans from the vantage point of the CoVid-19 virus. It spoke of how we haven’t been paying attention. We have been so busy chasing after stuff and working to achieve a lifestyle that is unsustainable, that finally the earth broke. There were horrific wildfires and we looked on with morbid curiosity and counted our blessings it wasn’t us. There were deadly hurricanes and we sighed and looked on with a tinge of sadness at the devastation. Then our attention shifted elsewhere and the thoughts and prayers were replaced with the next thing in the news cycle.
\n\n\nWe as a people are so self-centered. We look out for number one. Maybe, just maybe this virus swooped in to get our attention...to wake us up to the devastation around us. To how unhealthy the world has become. And if the world is unhealthy, WE are unhealthy.
\n\n\nI saw a picture of a mega freeway in Los Angeles. There were eight cars on it. I think someone said it hadn’t seen that little traffic since the Watts Riots of 1965. I commented that maybe Mother Earth is going to be able to catch her breath. Maybe the skies will clear. Maybe the sun will shine a little brighter. Maybe the waters will freshen a little. Maybe the pH in the rain will normalize and the fish will flourish.
\n\n\nMaybe the quiet stillness will give us time to stop the frenetic pace we have set for ourselves and we can really connect with our family members...even if it’s through a window or over the phone or FaceTime. I’ve already noticed more caring for each other. Children are checking in with their parents to see how they’re doing. They are offering to run errands or go to the store. Strangers are helping strangers.
\n\n\nThis is a time like no other we have faced. But, our grandparents and great grandparents were called to war. They were bombed and food was rationed. They grew victory gardens and knitted socks for troops. All we are being asked to do is stay home. While the threat of the disease itself is terribly disconcerting, we can do things to help prevent the spread.
\n\n\nI’ve heard the youngsters say, “Ah, it’s not going to affect me. It’s just the Boomers.” Well, first of all, no. It’s not just the Boomers. They are finding people much younger than they first thought are getting sick and some seriously. And...who do you think those Boomers (and the generation or so after them) are? They are the doctors, scientists, financial wizards, farmers...the experts. The ones who hold the keys to a great deal of knowledge. Those who say they’re “just Boomers” had better learn a whole lot pretty darned quickly.
\n\n\nI’m having nightmares. I rarely remember dreams, but I’m having dreams of death and dying. Too much news. Too much information. I had to step back and stop watching as much of it. I have to limit myself to a half hour of news a day. Just to stay up to speed with any breaking news. To counteract the bombardment of bad news, I’m putting in twice as much good.
\n\n\nYesterday, I baked a pie. I went to the farm and sat in my grandma’s chair. I did an hour of meditation/yoga on Facebook Live with my dear Earth Mother yogi friend, Sue in Colorado. I snuggled the kitty. I walked around our property with Mr. FixIt. I made BBQ pulled pork sandwiches for supper and pie for dessert. And I spent time studying my bible devotionals. It was a good day...even though the virus is creeping closer.
\n\n\nMy God is bigger than any virus. He’s bigger than any of my stuff. When I remember who’s in charge here and how this story ends, even if I caught the virus and went to Heaven...I win. Because HE won...and I put my faith in HIM.
\n\n\nI will not be afraid.
\n\n\nI will not be afraid.
\n\n\nI will not be afraid.
\n\n\nYou can watch my friend Sue’s movement meditation video here.
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2020-03-21T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/03/21/day-five-love-in-the.html", "tags": ["Health","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Positive Energy","West Virginia","Growth","God","Wisdom","Fear","Courage","Choices","Change","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/03/18/keeping-our-distance-day.html", "title": "Keeping our Distance: Day 2", "content_html": "\n“Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer.”
\nPsalms 19:14 ESV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/c5f24f5d55.jpg\")
Honestly, our life here at The Ponderosa BCV (before Coronavirus) and ACV (after Coronavirus) isn’t that much different. That’s mainly because we are retired. I think we are affected more by Mr. FixIt’s continued recovery from his stroke than we are the global pandemic. We have been taking turns making breakfast. (He makes the BEST oats!)
\n\n\nUp until late afternoon, West Virginia was official the only state without a confirmed case of COVID-19. Governor Justice announce there has been on confirmed case over in the Eastern Panhandle. However, I have a friend from high school...a retired nurse. She says her son and daughter-in-law tested positive last week in Morgantown and it was never reported. So, who knows what’s really going on.
\n\n\nWest Virginia runs 50th in so many things, it looks like we are running 50th in the number of tests being performed as well. You know it has to be here. All we can to is practice good hygiene and social distancing.
\n\n\nThe garage called today and my truck was ready so we went to pick it up. While it took the guy a week-and-a-half to finish, it cost a third of what it would have at the dealership.
\n\n\nWe watched the news together, but only to hear if there are more directives. I baked a pie with some blackberries from the freezer and made a casserole of pork roast, veggies and noodles. We are determined to eat through all the fresh stuff before it goes bad so we don’t waste a thing.
\n\n\nAfter dessert, I excused myself to write my post. I sat and thought about what we should talk about tonight. Yesterday was St. Patrick’s Day. Mr. Virgo loved St. Patrick’s Day. Just about every year, I had to go buy green food coloring at the last minute so the bar could serve green beer. These memories make me smile. However, Mr. Virgo was buried the day before St. Patrick’s Day. And that always makes me think.
\n\n\nHe warned me before he died that bad things were going to start happening in this country. Things with politics, finances, and health. He said it felt like a rubber band was drawing too tight or like a balloon being overfilled. I don’t know if he had a premonition, or if it was just his love of history and world events that spurred him, but he was constantly telling me to be prepared.
\n\n\nI wanted to believe him, but it seemed so fantastical at the time. Still, his warnings have never left me and I do find myself more prepared than I might have been before. I have friends who have lost spouses in the last year....two in the last week. When I think back over the months after losing Mr. Virgo...it was so terribly difficult to cope. And that was in a stable world. I cannot imagine what these people are going through without their person. To try to navigate this AND actively grieve is an unbearable thought.
\n\n\nIt doesn’t just take a death to trigger grief. You may be grieving the loss of security the COVID-19 virus is bringing to our lives. When things happen beyond our control, it can trigger grief reactions and PTSD. When I begin to feel frightened, I change my focus back to God and remind myself...no matter what happens here, He will never leave me. Even with that, I walk around with a little knot in the pit of my stomach. I take all the unknowns that I have no control over and put them in the God box and set outside the front door.
\n\n\nAll in all, we are doing just fine. We’re just taking it one day at a time.
\n\n\nSo, how are things with you in your world. Are you feeling ok? What are you doing with your time? How have things changed for you in the last couple of weeks? Let me hear from you...tell me how you're doing.
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2020-03-18T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/03/18/keeping-our-distance-day.html", "tags": ["Faith","Health","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","West Virginia","Growth","Gratitude","Wisdom","Fear","Courage","Choices","Change","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/02/23/no-luxury-of-losing-it.html", "title": "No Luxury of Losing It", "content_html": "\n“Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.”
\nPhilippians 2:4 ESV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/5a66ca96ca.jpg\")
First, let me thank you for your prayers Friday night. This one was for us. My sweet Mr. FixIt had a stroke Friday night. It was mild, but concerning enough that he is in the hospital for a couple of nights for tests. My heart was pounding out of my chest and wave after wave of hot flushes rushed over me. Visions of the final trip to the ER with Mr. Virgo had me in a near panic.
\n\n\nI drove, maybe a little fast...but we got to the hospital in record time. It wasn’t the kind of medical emergency you need an ambulance for. He just had some numbness and tingling. It was more “let’s just go in and get this checked out to make sure everything is ok.” When they descended on Mr. FixIt and started all the medical stuff, I excused myself to the ladies room and threw up.
\n\n\nI didn’t have the luxury of losing it. My sweetheart knows these things scare the dickens out of me and he kept asking me if I was ok. I was honest.
\n\n\n“No, not at the moment. But I’m going to be.” I squeezed his hand and offered a brave smile.
\n\n\nI sent out the prayer request. (Thank you SO much for all your prayers!) I wrapped my arms around my sweet husband and prayed for us both. And I began to feel that sense of peace beyond all understanding.
\n\n\nGod didn’t mean for us to do the heavy lifting. He wants us to turn all things over to Him. When I sat there, I thought of all the people I know who have been through so many hard things lately. People I know and love. I took strength from their courageous fights. I felt a Legion of Angels around us from all the prayers.
\n\n\nWe waited, and waited, and waited for a room. Which almost always means we were waiting for the staff in the ER to find a moment between patients to get us upstairs. At one point, I thought if I could just get a blanket for him and turn off the lights, at least he would be able to get some sleep while we waited.
\n\n\nI went out to the desk and the tech said she was just coming to get us and take us to our room. Pretty soon, she came in and apologized. She said she had to go prepare a patient. Those of us who have worked in an ER know what that means. A patient had died and the family needed to come in to see their loved one. She was going to go make them presentable.
\n\n\nI didn’t say anything to Mr. FixIt as she left. I just held his hand a little tighter as my mind wandered to the day I was led in to see Mr. Virgo after they had made him “presentable” for me. I closed my eyes and said a prayer for the family who were about to have that horrible experience. I prayed that the Angels would come and wrap their wings around them and comfort them in their time of great heartbreak.
\n\n\nI patted Mr. FixIt’s hand and said, “It’s ok, babe. Someone else needs her more than we do right now. We’re ok.”
\n\n\nThank you, God. This could have been so much worse.
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2020-02-23T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/02/23/no-luxury-of-losing-it.html", "tags": ["Faith","Health","Overcoming Obstacles","Positive Energy","Wisdom","Fear","Courage","Aging","Widow","Marriage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/01/28/celebrity-loss-is-still-loss.html", "title": "Celebrity Loss is Still Loss Because Grief is Still Grief", "content_html": "\n“Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”
\n1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 NIV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/37facac93c.jpg\")
Photo Credit: CBS News
I’ve taken a couple of days to process the helicopter crash that took the lives of nine beautiful souls on Sunday. We lose celebrities all the time. Princess Di. Michael Jackson. Prince. Whitney. Robin Williams. They all strike us in some way.
\n\n\nKobe was an icon. Whether you liked him because of his prowess on the court or disliked him because of what allegedly happened in Colorado 17 years ago...his name and reputation are large and his loss will be felt by many for years to come.
\n\n\nThat’s not what I needed to process, though. He left with his beautiful 13-year-old daughter...a rising basketball star in her own right. He left along with other moms and dads and kids and a coach and pilot. And while we pray they didn’t suffer in their last moments, they have left behind a wide swath of devastation that may never, ever be overcome. They left their families behind.
\n\n\nI know from firsthand experience what a snatch death is like. ANY death is hard to take...ANY loss. I am not comparing. But to brutally lose someone in a fiery crash when an hour earlier they were perfect and beautiful and happy and healthy and you hugged them goodbye is...unimaginable.
\n\n\nVanessa Bryant and her husband brought four beautiful girls into this world. Celebrity or not...wealthy or not...it doesn’t matter. She is now a widow and to top it off, she lost one of her babies. She is a member of a club she never, ever asked for. She is left to raise three daughters...ages 17, 3, and 7 months.
\n\n\nSomeone lost their mom. Someone lost their dad. Someone lost their...everything.
\n\n\nIt takes time to process that and just because it did not happen to you and you did not know them personally, something like this can shake you up and stir those old familiar grief waves. If this has happened to you, please don’t think there is something wrong with you. It’s normal to be hypersensitive to these kinds of things after loss.
\n\n\nBe gentle with yourself. And send up lots of prayers for those coming up behind us.
\n\n\n?
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2020-01-28T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/01/28/celebrity-loss-is-still-loss.html", "tags": ["Grief","Prayer","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/12/31/seeking-comfort-in-an-uncomfortable.html", "title": "Seeking Comfort in an Uncomfortable World", "content_html": "\n“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”
\nPsalms 34:18 NIV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/307005306f.jpg\")
Well, dear ones...this is it. The last day of the year. The last day of a decade. And oh...what a time it has been. At the beginning of it, I was happily married to Mr. Virgo...living in Denver and not much liking that part, except for being in close proximity to my children. Not that I got to see them much. I was very focused on my husband and didn’t see past the end of my nose. A major regret.
\n\n\nThree years into this decade, my life stopped when Mr. Virgo died unexpectedly...and I set out to create a new life with a new me. I sold the only home I had ever owned on my own. I made some bad decisions...but I’ve also made some good ones. I’ve driven tens of thousands of miles. I settled into and lived in the home of my heart on a beautiful farm that’s been in my family for nearly ninety years.
\n\n\nI’ve connected with some really wonderful people, and reconnected with people I’ve known for a lifetime. I’ve written hundreds of thousands of words as I poured out my grief and my heart and my love into the ether sphere. I married a man I initially set eyes on when I was six years old.
\n\n\nI gained people. And...I lost people I loved dearly.
\n\n\nI totaled a truck and escaped with nothing worse than a small brain bleed that left me struggling to remember things for a couple of years, which filled me with fear. This last year, things finally started to fire on all cylinders in my poor noggin and I feel more like myself than I have in a very long time.
\n\n\nI’ve aged a hundred years in some ways. I’ve gotten much younger in others.
\n\n\nI got a cat. Well...she got me.
\n\n\nI gained a huge extended family and I’m now not only a grandma....I am a GREAT grandma to two little ones with a third one due any day now. I am a GiGi, to be exact. A Mom and a mother-in-law and a Nana and a GiGi. A sister and a friend and a wife. How cool is that?
\n\n\nI went to Church Sunday night and Pastor Justin asked us to think about who we were before we were saved. In that moment, I realized THAT’S what has been hovering in the back of my mind as I contemplate the end of this decade. Because it was the beginning of the previous decade when my life very nearly came to an end.
\n\n\nI let myself cry as the music wafted over me, the Holy Spirit covering...filling me with his Love. My life has moments of demarcation with lines in the sand marking the points between “before” and “after”. The overdose. My mom’s death. Finding Jesus. Meeting, then losing, Mr. Virgo.
\n\n\nFinding ME.
\n\n\nFinding love again.
\n\n\nMarrying a wonderful man.
\n\n\nAll while traveling. I get bored being in the same place too long. I need to seek new horizons from time to time. I need to get away and “blow off some stink” every once in a while. I need to recharge...away from everyone and everything I know. I need to go where no one knows me and rest in the anonymity that comes with the unfamiliar.
\n\n\nI get uncomfortable when I become too comfortable. When things start to get too predictable, I need to shake things up. I tried to count how many houses and apartments I’ve lived in during my lifetime and I lost track. I crave change. Thank goodness I’m married to a very understanding man. It makes me easier to live with, I think.
\n\n\nI don’t usually travel like I did this year...not since I was on the road with the camper after Mr. Virgo died. It was different this time. It was harder to be away from my sweetheart. Partly because I genuinely love being with him and partly because I’m older now and I have intimate experience with loss. Things have changed. There’s more to lose now. I’m not sure how much I’ll travel in the coming year...but I’m sure it won’t be quite like 2019.
\n\n\nWe’re heading out tonight for a family bowling party to ring in the New Year. I can’t remember the last time I bowled. I can’t remember the last time I was out past 10:00! I have to remind myself...I’m only 66. There will be plenty of time to lay down when I’m dead and gone, right?
\n\n\nMaybe I can take a nap before we go.
\n\n\nHappy New Year, my dear ones! If you are struggling, may 2020 bring you peace, prosperity, and good health. You are so loved.
\n\n\nThank you. Truly...thank you for being here all these years. I am eternally grateful for the connections I have made through this page.
\n\n\nBe blessed!
\n\n\nGinny
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n“Sing to the Lord a new song; sing to the Lord, all the earth. Sing to the Lord, praise his name; proclaim his salvation day after day. Declare his glory among the nations, his marvelous deeds among all peoples.”
\n\n\nPsalms 96:1-3 NIV
\n\n\n“Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.”
\n\n\nPsalms 90:12 NIV
\n\n\n“In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps.”
\n\n\nProverbs 16:9 NIV
\n\n", "date_published": "2019-12-31T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/12/31/seeking-comfort-in-an-uncomfortable.html", "tags": ["Family","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Positive Energy","Camping","The Grand Adventure","Fun","West Virginia","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Aging","Choices","Change","Be Joyful!","Widow","Marriage","Starting Over"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/12/30/when-im-gonean-ode-to.html", "title": "“When I’m Gone”...an Ode to a Decade", "content_html": "\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/03859a810b.jpg\")
I remember the way I felt when the calendar turned from 2013 to 2014. Somehow, in my grief addled mind, I thought it would make things better. It would create distance between Mr. Virgo’s death and....the present. I thought maybe there would be magical power in being able to say “He died LAST year”...as if that space and time would somehow fix this dreadful suffering I was mired in.
\n\n\nBut it didn’t.
\n\n\nThe New Year dawned and the same horrible ache I felt in my heart, the same sense of fear and uncertainty I felt, was still there like a burning coal I could not set down. I think that realization made it even worse because I knew in my heart the only way “out” was “through”. And I was so weary of the pain.
\n\n\nThis is the seventh New Year. I thank God in every way that He carried me through the hell that was acute grief. I thank Him for leading me at every turn and held my forehead all those sleepless nights when all I could do was cry and throw up. I thank Him for bringing me to an excellent grief counselor who listened and knew how to help me with the PTSD brought about by watching the valiant efforts to save Mr. Virgo’s life.
\n\n\nI thank Him for nudging me to pour my heart out on these pages and for giving me the words to do so. I thank Him for opening doors and giving me the courage to walk through them. I thank Him for blessing me with supportive and loving children and family who have stood by me every step of the way...even when I’ve been a pain in the caboose and they roll their eyes at some of my decisions.
\n\n\nAnd, I thank Him for bringing Mr. FixIt into my life, along with a great big bonus family to add to my brood. I am so blessed to have this life and will never take it for granted.
\n\n\nWhen I felt the winds of change blowing me in a new direction in my writing, a thought was formulating in the back of my mind that I couldn’t quite express. I was feeling a certain melancholy and couldn’t figure out why. What was the significance of this New Year over any other? Then, I saw this video and realized...I entered this decade with Mr. Virgo by my side...never dreaming he would be gone in such a short time.
\n\n\nIt’s a big deal to be turning the page on not just a New Year, but on a new decade. The last seven-ish years have been spent healing and growing and learning how to live without him. Then learning how to open my heart wide enough to accept MORE love instead of closing it off for good.
\n\n\nI’m entering new territory here...a decade Mr. Virgo will never experience. When this video popped up on my feed, I watched it and realized, it was released just before he died. It was an anthem I cried over. The lyrics slayed me and brought me much needed emotional release. As I rewatched it before I wrote this, the lyrics took on new meaning for me. In addition to the reminder of my past losses, there is another loss to contend with.
\n\n\nEver since I shared with you my desire to change my writing schedule here on my blog, you have shared with me what this space has meant to you along the way. I cannot close this door completely and just stop altogether. Because I still need this space as much as some of you have indicated you do. I’ve come to know and love you. I’ve cried with you, and prayed with you, and celebrated with you. I don’t know if I can ever express what joy you have brought me. What healing and comfort you shared that eased my broken heart.
\n\n\nWhen I thank God for all He has done for me in this last decade, I thank Him so much for YOU. For giving me this space where we could help each other heal. Lift each other up. To laugh and cry and live and learn with each other.
\n\n\nThank you. Thank you. Thank you.
\n\n\nFor being here and helping me through the worst of times.
\n\n\nAnd here we are...about to head into a new decade! What shall we learn? Where shall we go? What will God reveal to us in this mystical little place called Marshmallow Ranch?
\n\n\n“When I’m Gone” by Joey and Rory Feek
\n\n\nhttps://fbwat.ch/1V3CvhygTPjtgWSw
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n“ ‘Nevertheless, I will bring health and healing to it; I will heal my people and will let them enjoy abundant peace and security.”
\n\n\nJeremiah 33:6 NIV
\n\n", "date_published": "2019-12-30T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/12/30/when-im-gonean-ode-to.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Growth","God","Wisdom","Courage","Choices","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/12/28/beware-of-the-scam.html", "title": "Beware of the Scam", "content_html": "\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/2b2b3c82ed.jpg\")
Mr. FixIt and I were watching a movie Christmas night when I received a notification from PayPal on my phone. My domain fee for my website was due. I thought back over the time frame when I built the website and it was over the Christmas holiday. When I opened the invoice, it had the GoDaddy logo and the date, amount due, and my domain name. All official looking. I must admit, I was distracted by the movie. And, the thought that it was odd coming in on Christmas Day had barely registered when I determined it was legit and hit “pay”.
\n\n\nThen the receipt came and it was to a Russian name!
\n\n\nUgh...it only took one second to realize I had just been scammed. I could have spit nails. I know better. If I would have just thought it through and asked myself questions like, “Why would they be requesting money through PayPal?” Ahhhh, but that’s water under the bridge now, isn’t it?
\n\n\nI immediately went on GoDaddy’s website and found their chat feature so I could speak to a representative. He walked me though the whole thing and confirmed my suspicions...the invoice did NOT come from them. I contacted PayPal and filed a fraud report. I got on my bank’s website and sent an urgent message to the fraud department. But it was Christmas Day, after all. Not much I could do until the bank opened the next day.
\n\n\nAs soon as they opened, I was on the phone with them. They emailed a form I needed to sign because it came from the account directly and not through a card. If it had, they would have sent me a new card. Since it did not, I had to print the form, sign it, take a photo of it and sent it back to the bank. We do not have a working printer at the house, so I drove to town to the library.
\n\n\nOnce that was finished, I did my grocery shopping and came back home. I received a message from PayPal that said they couldn’t find any fraud because I had ok’d the payment myself. I called them and finally got a live human being and they reopened their inquiry. In the meantime, they emailed the Russian to hear his side of the story. Yeah...like THAT’S going to get them anywhere! Anyway, I’ve banked at the same bank since 1986 and they jump through hoops to make sure you’re well taken care of. Either way, I’ll get my $51 back. I’m just really lucky it wasn’t any worse.
\n\n\nIf you find yourself in just such a mess, the first thing you need to do is change your password and security questions on whatever site they got in through. That stopped them in their tracks. It’s just really frustrating, but at least I didn’t have to close my checking account and start a new one, or change cards. Be careful out there...especially at this time of year!
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n“Anyone who has been stealing must steal no longer, but must work, doing something useful with their own hands, that they may have something to share with those in need.”
\n\n\nEphesians 4:28 NIV
\n\n", "date_published": "2019-12-28T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/12/28/beware-of-the-scam.html", "tags": ["Overcoming Obstacles","Wisdom","Anger","Warning","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/12/24/christmas-the-camper-girl-camper.html", "title": "Christmas \u0026 The Camper - Girl Camper Moments", "content_html": "\n![\"santa](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/bea9f06da0.jpg\")
Here is a link to Girl Camper Moments...the branded series I write for the Girl Camper website. I share this story every year on Christmas Eve...as a reminder to me that, even though that first Christmas was so incredibly difficult, time passes and we accommodate ourselves to grief.
\n\n\nWe learn where the edges of that jagged hole are and how to avoid falling in \"ass over teakettle\". It took a lot of tears and prayers, and God carried me when I was too tired to walk. My prayer is always that you find hope through my stories.
\n\n\nIn this iteration of the tale, I elaborate on what I did after I had my \"Santa experience\". I know not all of you are camping enthusiasts, but I'm sure you all have a safe place where you feel comforted and can let down your guard. For me, that has always been my camper...my little sanctuary on wheels.
\n\n\nI hope you read and share the retelling of my first Christmas without Mr. Virgo. I hope it helps those whose hearts are broken during what was a joyous occasion before the loss.
\n\n\nGirl Camper Moments: Christmas & The Camper
\n\n", "date_published": "2019-12-24T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/12/24/christmas-the-camper-girl-camper.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Holiday","Girl Camper","Girl Campers","Change","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/12/18/big-loss-big-growth-big.html", "title": "Big Loss + Big Growth = Big Changes in 2020", "content_html": "\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/8cb02f304b.jpg\")
On March 12, 2013...my world as I knew it came crashing to an end. The future Mr. Virgo and I had planned ended right in front of me in the cold, sterile environment of a Colorado emergency room. Time stopped in that moment and I struggled to do the simplest of tasks...breathing was at the top of the list.
\n\n\nI ever so slowly dragged myself along the jagged shards of grief till I could accomplish simple things like personal hygiene, taking care of paperwork, and eating proper meals. Each tiny step seemed monumental and yet my focus was never much further than the end of my nose. But, hours became days, weeks, months. And finally...years.
\n\n\nWhen I look back on all of that now, I marvel that I survived. I also marvel at this new creation I have become. I am such a different version of myself than I was when Mr. Virgo was alive. I’m not at all sure he would like being married to the me I am now...although I have not a doubt that he would be ever so proud of what I have accomplished in a relatively short time.
\n\n\nRelatively short...if you can call seven Christmases without him “short”. Time is tricky. It seems like yesterday. It seems like eternity. Sometimes, it seems like a dream that I even had him. I’ve learned this is common and it was one of the hardest things to accept. It meant I was growing. Not forgetting...but growing into this new life that I find myself living.
\n\n\nAnd that’s where I’ve come to sit with you today...coffee in hand...to have a little chat. I’ve felt the winds of change whipping around my head for some time now. I’m not one to fear change. As a matter of fact, I embrace it. Good change, anyway. I find myself in a place now where I need to make some good changes. For me. For the people in my life whom I love and love me.
\n\n\nI’ve written every day...almost every single day...for 2,471 days. That’s 6 years, 9 months, and 5 days...in case you’re wondering. I’ve given everything to this project...this Grief Journal...the Documentary of an Ordinary Life. I’ve spoken from my heart with honesty and what I hope was with empathy and grace. And now...I find myself at a crossroads.
\n\n\nOn the day Mr. Virgo died, God threw a pebble in the lake of my life and the ripples have expanded in ever broadening circles...touchIng, crossing, blending with the circles of others. He brought me a companion in Mr. FixIt. With him, God brought me a large extended family that adds to my own in Colorado. More children, grandchildren, and now great grandchildren to love and care for.
\n\n\nHe crossed my path with Janine Pettit who has not only been a dear friend and mentor, but has opened my world to greater opportunities than I could have envisioned. God has answered my prayers when I asked him to “expand my territory”...my circle of influence...to give me even more opportunities to share how He has touched my life. And to share what wisdom I have been graced with.
\n\n\nThere are big projects in the works on a national level which require more and more of my attention. One of which is the new OH-WV Girl Camper Chapter that I share with my dear friend, Gail Bable. We write stories about camping, the things we’ve learned, our favorite picks (parks, equipment, etc.) and local finds. We are essentially Ambassadors for Ohio and West Virginia Tourism as it relates to women travelers...be it camping or otherwise. I also write a series for them called Girl Camper Moments.
\n\n\nThere’s my book, which sits waiting for me to get back to it and breathe life into it so it may be born out into the world. There’s a second book, and a third, and....you get my drift. There’s writing to be done and there are only so many hours in the day in which to do it. I have worked so long and hard on Marshmallow Ranch to let it devolve into anything less than the level of quality you have come to expect...and deserve. This is where the growing pains come in.
\n\n\nI have to make some changes.
\n\n\nIf I want to do what I feel God is calling me to do, then I have to learn to use my time wisely. Just as our finances belong to God and we must be good stewards of what He has entrusted us with, so too is the time He has graced us with in order to accomplish the purpose He has for us in this life. To that end, I have set up a “work schedule” for 2020. I will post here every Wednesday and every Sunday. I will continue “Sunday Evening Prayer Circle” as that has become such a moment of solace for me and for so many others I know. Then I can focus Friday on Girl Camper and turn the writing time I’ve been using into work time on the book.
\n\n\nI do hope you continue to follow along. It may take more work to find me. I'm not sure what Facebook will do to my algorithms if I don't post every day. I will post brief, encouraging photos and quotes frequently. I just won't be writing the long story posts every day we both have become accustomed to. I get as much...if not more...from my writing when I read your kind and encouraging comments. Your loyalty has not been lost on me and I am ever so grateful for all of you.
\n\n\nAnd now, it's.....
\n\n\n2020
\n\n\nIt's all about a new chapter.
\n\n\n20/20
\n\n\nIt’s all about vision.
\n\n\nWith much love and gratitude...
\n\n\nGinny
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n“The seed falling among the thorns refers to someone who hears the word, but the worries of this life and the deceitfulness of wealth choke the word, making it unfruitful. But the seed falling on good soil refers to someone who hears the word and understands it. This is the one who produces a crop, yielding a hundred, sixty or thirty times what was sown.””
\n\n\nMatthew 13:22-23 NIV
\n\n", "date_published": "2019-12-18T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/12/18/big-loss-big-growth-big.html", "tags": ["Uplifting Stories","Grief","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","God","Wisdom","Courage","Choices","Change","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/12/10/love-to-the-rescue.html", "title": "Love to the Rescue", "content_html": "![\"Friends\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/2ca326057b.jpg\")
“One of my besties! Deneene and her sidekick, Griffen the Grey, came for a visit. She’s good for what ails ya!”
I wrote in yesterday’s post about feeling “in the ditch”. I struggled for a few days with grief waves triggered by a traumatic loss in the family. Then, in swept my dear friend Deneene with lots of love and her trusty sidekick, Griffen the Grey. Griff is a nine month old French Bulldog who wriggled his way into my heart when we visited Deneene and her husband Mark in South Carolina this summer.
\nI had been greatly anticipating Deneene’s arrival for the last week and when she walk in the door, all the “holding it all in” released with her big bear hug. I had the gas stove in the family room fired up so it was nice and toasty. And I had the TV on with this really great ten hour YouTube fireplace video running in the background. We have a huge TV because the family room is huge. It used to be a two car garage, so if you want to read the fine print at the bottom of the screen, you need a big TV. When Deneene walked in, she said she could see the fire blazing from the road leading past our house. I was glad no one thought the house was on fire and called 911!
\nWe didn’t stay up too late and talk because my friend is a new grandma and had just spent a week at her daughter’s helping out with the new baby. She was pretty tired so we said goodnight early. Deneene is not a real morning person, so when Mr. FixIt and I woke up at 8:30, I told him to be really quiet so as not to wake her. I forgot that puppies get their mommies up really early and she had been waiting for US to get up and keeping Griffen quiet.
\nWhen I heard them talking in the family room, I quickly dressed and went into the kitchen to cook breakfast. Scratch biscuits with homemade sausage gravy and eggs. OMGosh! It’s been forever since I fixed that and it was SO good. I made Paula Deen’s Cream Biscuits. They are love in the palm of your hand. Look up the recipe. Super easy! And sausage gravy couldn’t be easier to make than mine. Fry a pound of sausage till browned, sprinkle about a third of a cup of flour over it and stir till combined then slowly pour enough milk over it to loosed it up, adding more milk as it cooks, stopping when you get the right consistency.
\nAs we sat and ooohed and ahhhed over the delicacy before us, we slathered butter and local orange blossom honey over the rest of the biscuits till there were just three left. I tucked them in a bag for Deneene to take with her to nibble on the road. Deneene raved over our hospitality and I told her it was the best B&B this side of the Mississippi…and it’s free!
\nWe said our WV goodbye. She announced she should be leaving. We told another story. She said she really should get going. We hugged and talked about when we would get to see one another again. She gathered up her things. I made sure she didn’t forget her biscuits. We walked to the door. We hugged again and declared it had been too long since the last visit and we shouldn’t wait so long next time. She double checked if she had everything. I asked if she needed a bottle of water for the road. She picked up her bags and we had another long hug at the door. As she walked through, we noticed she had set down the biscuits when she put on her coat so we retrieved them for her. If it hadn’t have been raining, we would have walked her to her truck and the goodbye would have lasted another fifteen to twenty minutes. Thus is the nature of goodbyes in the country. It’s a goodbye full of love!
\nI called after her, “Don’t forget to text when you get there!” If it was dusk, I would have said, “Watch for deer!” That’s West Virginian for “I love you!”
\nDeneene honked from the road as she drove by and I waved madly from the front window. And she was gone. My friend whom I helped through her own grief had come and returned the favor. I felt so much better after her visit. I have a big deadline to meet this week so after Deneene left, I packed up and went to the farm where I turned the TV to the same fireplace video. I survived another wave and I’m on to the next thing. Such is the nature of grief. It just gets incorporated into life and you move forward. Thank you for your support yesterday. You have no idea what that means to me. I wish everyone who grieves had cheerleaders like you to support them through their journey.
\n❤️
\n“My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you.”\n\n", "date_published": "2019-12-10T02:30:55-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/12/10/love-to-the-rescue.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Hope","Fun","West Virginia","The Farm","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Courage","Choices","Change","Be Joyful!","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/12/09/in-the-ditch.html", "title": "In the Ditch", "content_html": "John 15:12 NIV
![\"Waves](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/ada04f9744.jpg\")
“You never know what will trigger grief…I’m just grateful it doesn’t come nearly as often as it used to.”
Mr. FixIt called yesterday when he was on his way to our granddaughter’s baby shower. There was a wreck on our road. Someone had gone in the ditch, overcorrected, went across the road and ran into an abandoned house. I have to say, that road worries me. Whenever one of us goes to town without the other, we always text when we get there to alleviate the worry.
\nOne of my dearest friends in the whole world stopped at our house yesterday on her way home to South Carolina and spent the night. I was SO excited to see her. I met Deneene through Marshmallow Ranch a couple of years ago. She lost her husband about a year or so before we met and a mutual friend introduced her to my blog. Since she was local, I invited her out for coffee and it was one of those instant life long friendships forged on common ground.
\nBefore Deneene arrived, I baked an apple galette for a sweet treat. But, I have to say…my stomach has been in knots ever since I went to the viewing last Wednesday. I’ve been “in the ditch”. I’ve been to viewings and funerals since Mr. Virgo died. While none of them are easy, the only ones that really hit me hard are the “snatch deaths”…those sudden, unexpected deaths that snatch loved ones in an instant. It stirs up every bit of angst I thought I had put away long ago.
\nWhere I had been the comforter for Deneene when we first met…last night, she became mine. I poured out how fearful I become when a grief wave comes over me now. Fearful…because I tell myself I should be way past this. How can I tell Mr. FixIt about it? Will he walk away from me because he’s “had enough of this”? No, of course not. For one thing, it very rarely happens anymore. For another…he’s not that kind of guy. I should KNOW all this because this is what I do…I comfort others in their grief. I share stories of my own to let others know they aren’t alone. Yet, I tell myself…I should be over this by now, right?
\nMy sweet friend, so gentle and serene, calmly reminded me of what I told her back when we sat over coffee and shared our hearts for over four hours.
\n“There IS no timetable for grief…remember? There IS no rule book. YOU told me that.”
\nYes…indeed. I did tell her that. I tell you that, too. And, I tell you I’ll always speak to you with an open, honest heart and tell you the truth about this grief journey…even when it is uncomfortable or ugly or scary. Even when I’m happily, madly in love and remarried…I am not immune to the waves of grief that rear up against me on occasion. Of COURSE a loss that close to home stirred memories. Why wouldn’t it?
\nWas it a mistake to go to the viewing? I don’t know…maybe. However, I am so glad I was there to support those I love, even if it WAS hard. There are going to be hard things in life. I can’t avoid them.
\nIt’s ok to not be ok for a little bit. It won’t last forever. I’m not buying real estate…I’m just passing through. It’s the holidays and they can be rough for anyone. When I urge you to be gentle with yourselves, I don’t always take the same advice. I so appreciate my friend to remind me…it’s ok.
\n❤️
\n“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”\n\n", "date_published": "2019-12-09T02:30:08-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/12/09/in-the-ditch.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","God","Wisdom","Fear","Courage","Choices","Change","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/12/07/a-good-book-is-a.html", "title": "A Good Book is a Good Friend", "content_html": "Psalms 147:3 NIV
![\"Reading\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/24bccdbb70.jpg\")
“Books open the mind of the reader and sparks an interest in the world.”
I am so busy writing now, I seldom have time to read. I have a stack of books by the bed. A cabinet full in the family room. My iPad has at least a dozen good books just waiting for me to sit down…yet I seldom do. And when I do have time, I love to knit.
\nI used to read voraciously, but since Mr. Virgo died, I just can’t seem to concentrate long enough to get into the story. I wish I could. I think I would love to sit by a babbling brook on a warm spring day and while away the hours, getting lost in a captivating storyline. I keep hoping.
\nI do have such fond memories of reading. My mother taught me to read before I started school. The first grade teacher was so taken with my early reading skills that she sent me to other classes to read to the children. I always had a book, and when I didn’t have one, I read the dictionary or my hand-me-down encyclopedia. Mom bought a set of books as shopping rewards from the grocery store when I was very young and I devoured them.
\nI have memorable moments with certain books. Love Story. I threw the book across the room and sobbed. To Kill A Mockingbird. I felt an inherent shame for the ill-treatment of others. Of Mice and Men. It broke my heart because I have a differently-able brother. There was Watership Down which got me through seasons of anxiety. There were the horror stories of Stephen King. The dramatic mysteries from the likes of James Patterson and Robin Cooke and so many others.
\nA very special time in my life was when Daughter #2 and I cuddled in bed every night and read the Harry Potter books. Thinking back on that time is bittersweet. Reading with her was wonderful. But my marriage was falling apart, as was my fragile mind in the midst of it all, and that season of my life was clouded by Prozac and assorted pharmaceuticals.
\nI have a new generation to read to now. Our oldest great grandchild is two now and is beginning to take an interest in books. The younger is just four months old so it will be a while before I can read to him, but we’ll have lots of picture books. And, another little boy will be gracing our presence in January.
\nI think I may have to start scheduling a time to read for pleasure. What are your favorite reads these days?
\n❤️
\n“He went up to the temple of the Lord with the people of Judah, the inhabitants of Jerusalem, the priests and the prophets—all the people from the least to the greatest. He read in their hearing all the words of the Book of the Covenant, which had been found in the temple of the Lord.”\n\n \n", "date_published": "2019-12-07T02:30:31-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/12/07/a-good-book-is-a.html", "tags": ["Family","Overcoming Obstacles","Fun","Gratitude","Comfort","Peace","Wisdom","Choices","Widow","Littles"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/12/06/its-feel-good-friday.html", "title": "It’s Feel Good Friday", "content_html": "2 Kings 23:2 NIV
![\"Happy](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/e7b490a1e7.jpg\")
“Here’s a photo of my happy big brother. He makes this a true Feel Good Friday!”
Wednesday night, after leaving the funeral home in support of family who suffered a devastating loss, I came home to an empty house while Mr. FixIt ran errands in town. I cleaned up around the house a bit, snuggled the kitten and put her to bed, then padded down the hallway to our room. I got into my cozy jammies, climbed into bed, and prepared to write my post…as I do every night. Then my phone dinged.
\nI looked down and it was a text from Hubby #2. He was having dinner with my brother and sent me a picture. He does this whenever they go out and it makes my heart burst…for a number of different reasons. First, because I miss my brother and I only get to see him once a year now. He is my only blood sibling. I have two sibs of the heart…but my Bubby is the the best. He owns the biggest piece of real estate in my heart. It made me so happy to see that great big smile from this sweet, sweet man.
\nThe second reason my heart exploded is…this picture was only possible because the man I was married to for twenty years thinks enough of my brother to make a point to take him out to dinner several times a year. There was a time in the throes of divorce that I truly mourned, not just for the loss of a marriage, but the loss of my friendship with #2. I was always hopeful we could develop that again, but it wasn’t until Mr. Virgo died what we set everything aside and called a truce. I’m so glad because it’s so much better for the kids and grandkids when you can get along. The fact that he takes my brother out for dinner and sends me the picture makes me proud of the personal growth we both have accomplished.
\nI’m always looking for good news stories to share with you all because there’s already so much bad stuff. We need something uplifting. A friend shared a cute little Christmas commercial with me last night so I decided I’m going to try to have “Feel Good Fridays” to give us all something joyful to take us into the weekend. Thanksgiving was so late this year that it’s giving us a shorter Christmas season. And…this is the time of year for all the feel good stories. After December, I’ll have to go hunting for them. But, hunting I shall gladly do. I hope you enjoy this sweet little story out of the UK.
\nhttps://www.cnn.com/2019/12/04/uk/heartwarming-christmas-advert-intl-scli-gbr/index.html?ofs=fbia
\n❤️
\n“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.”\n\n", "date_published": "2019-12-06T02:30:21-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/12/06/its-feel-good-friday.html", "tags": ["Family","Uplifting Stories","Positive Energy","Fun","Gratitude","Comfort","Love","Peace","Wisdom","Aging","Choices","Be Joyful!","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/12/05/the-last-hour.html", "title": "The Last Hour", "content_html": "2 Corinthians 1:3-4 NIV
![\"Black](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/9d50c9f127.jpg\")
“Pumpkin Kitty snoozing on her mama.”
We spent the day at home yesterday, watching the hearings, nibbling on Thanksgiving leftovers (namely PIE), and snuggling a healing kitten. She was spayed on Monday and she is doing very well, but she sleeps a lot. I’ve been trying to cuddle her in small doses to acclimate myself to her kitty allergens since she’s in the house for a couple of weeks. I can hold her like this for a while, then I have to hand her off to Mr. FixIt and go wash my face and hands. I have been coughing a little more, and my nose has been a little drippy, but nothing major. We’ll see how this goes. She is so sweet when she sleeps on me and goes all limp and warm.
\nAs the afternoon crept on, it got closer and closer to time to go to the funeral home. OMGosh! I was dreading it more and more with each passing hour. Finally, I told Mr. FixIt to go on without me and if I could, I’d follow along shortly. I needed a little time alone. Finally, I shook myself out of it, got dressed, and drove to town.
\nThis was just a viewing. They are not having a funeral. The family gathered at 4:00 to spend some time with the young man alone. Then the doors were open from 5-8 for the viewing. It was an open casket. We stood in line, we paid our respects to his mother, then went and sat with the family. We visited with people we don’t get to see very often. I was introduced to a few I hadn’t met yet. Then, we sat in quiet contemplation…as one does at such things.
\nIt didn’t take long for my mind to wander back to my own experience at Mr. Virgo’s viewing. My eyes stung as I watched the young man’s mother bravely greet people. A little laugh here…hugs and tears there…lots of deep breaths and sips of water. Boxes of tissues were shared. A chair was brought closer.
\nI looked at my watch. It was 7:00…the last hour. I remember the last hour as if it were yesterday. That’s when the reality hits home that…this is it. This is the last time you’ll see the face of your loved one this side of Heaven. I saw Mr. Virgo at the funeral home the night before the funeral, and I assumed I would see him again in the morning at the church. When I walked in, his casket was at the back of the church…closed with American flag draped over it. And I freaked out. I grabbed my daughter’s arm and said, “I get to see him again, don’t I???” She quickly went to the funeral director and they opened the casket so I could get that one last goodbye. It was brutal.
\nI turned to Mr. FixIt and said, “It’s the last hour. They do not need an audience. We need to go, now.” He didn’t question me…we got our coats, said our goodbyes to the kids and family and left. I can’t say it gets any easier to go to a viewing. But my experience gives me an empathy that I hope the bereaved can feel when I attend.
\n❤️
\n“Taking Jesus’ body, the two of them wrapped it, with the spices, in strips of linen. This was in accordance with Jewish burial customs.”\n\n", "date_published": "2019-12-05T02:30:14-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/12/05/the-last-hour.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Wisdom","Fear","Courage","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/12/04/grief-timestill-grief.html", "title": "Grief + Time...Still = Grief", "content_html": "John 19:40 NIV
![\"Grief](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/0987370dc3.jpg\")
“Grief plus time still equals grief. It’s just to varying degrees.”
It is said, “A burdened shared is lightened.” I have found this is usually the case. A heavy load is more easily carried when someone picks up the other end. Mr. FixIt picks up the other end of my grief much of the time. While it isn’t necessarily his job, he helps me through the worst times because he is my partner in all things.
\nThat being said, I totally get how blessed I am to have this man in my life and I know he would keep picking up that other end till the cows came home. All I have to do is ask. That’s precisely why I don’t a lot of the time. It’s a tough job to love a widow. It takes a strong man. I don’t want him to burn out and decide this is more than what he bargained for. Besides, at some point, I had to learn to let Jesus do the heavy lifting for me so I could work on the feelings in my heart.
\nIt has been 2,457 days since Mr. Virgo died. I’ve come light years since those early days when I had zero control over my emotions. I was a slave to the whims of my limbic system. If you go back and read my early writing, you’ll find many nights when I literally grabbed onto the side of the mattress and hung on for dear life. Waves of grief led to oceans of anxiety that threatened to drown me every night. I knew if I could just hang on till the sun came up, it would be better. Eventually, ever so slowly, inch by inch…things got better. That’s why, when I get hit now, it’s fairly predictable and fairly remarkable.
\nTriggers.
\nThere will always be triggers, no matter how long it’s been since your loss.
\nOn Sunday morning, when we got the call about the young man who was killed in the car accident, my heart started racing, my hands were sweating, and my mind started to race. I had my hands full with dinner in various stages of completion. And, while I am not close to the young man, he was close family through Mr. FixIt’s children and grandchildren. I felt it was important to keep moving and get food ready for everyone.
\nI did well all day. I was supportive and listened and hugged everyone. I even told my story about losing Mr. Virgo to the family members who didn’t know me then. But, when I went to bed, I was quickly overwhelmed. My grief comes out through my stomach and I was sick most of the night. Just as it was in the early days, if I’m going to have any trouble with grief, it’s going to be in the long dark hours of the night.
\nFortunately, I have come a long way since those early days. I have learned a lot of tricks to help me get through the rough stuff. I know how to divert my attention by getting up and doing something different rather than lay there in bed mulling things over. Still, there are times when it all catches up with me and I can’t do anything about it. Those are the times I take something for my nausea and anxiety, go into the spare bedroom so as to not disturb my husband. Then, I talk out loud to Jesus until I drift off to sleep. When I wake up the next day, I’m fine and ready to take on the world again.
\nTonight is the visitation. This will be hard. I will do my best to be there and support my bonus family and my husband. But I will not lie…this is not going to be easy for me. What I will tell myself all day tomorrow is…”If you think it’s hard to go to this, imagine his mother. His grandparents. His cousins. His friends. You can do this. It isn’t happening to YOU now.”
\nThat’s the thing you have to convince yourself. It isn’t happening to YOU. Because that’s where your mind takes you. Memory is a cruel mistress.
\n❤️
\n“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.”\n\n", "date_published": "2019-12-04T02:30:15-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/12/04/grief-timestill-grief.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","God","Wisdom","Fear","Courage","Aging","Choices","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/12/03/recovery-day.html", "title": "Recovery Day", "content_html": "John 14:27 NIV
![\"Christmas](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/9e70d90054.jpg\")
“Christmas Lights & Pie”
When all the food is put away…when all the dishes are done…when all the guests have said their last goodbye…what time is it? It’s time for PIE! Well, really…is there ever a BAD time for pie? We turned off the lights…all but the tree. And just enjoyed the quiet.
\nI took the kitten in bright and early to be spayed and immediately came home and slept three more hours. Working to put on a big family dinner takes the starch out of you. And it gets harder the older you get.
\nThe babies were so much fun. Princess First was in rare form, ate like a champ, colored brilliantly, and melted me with “Pweeze, Gigi!” I’m toast. Then there was Prince Second. Oy, he is a solid chunk of sheer joy. He smiles and coos and bats his big eyes at me. All I wanted to do all day was kiss and nibble on those cheeks…they are so delectable!
\nOnce the kitten was ready, I went to pick her up. They informed me she needs to stay in the house for the next ten days. You know what that means, don’t you? It means we now have an indoor cat. Bring me all the antihistamines in the land! It’s better, really. I worry about her outside with that road even though she was safe in the pole building every night. I also found out we can board her with our vet when we go out of town. So it was a win-win day.
\nNow I can turn my focus back to writing. The OH-WV Chapter page on the new Girl Camper website needs my attention every couple of weeks. There are presents to make. Cookies to bake. Calls to make. Cards to send. This will be a busy and quick month for all of us. Then we can start making all our camping plans for the New Year! There’s going to be some fun things happening on the east side…up and down the mid-Atlantic area so keep your eyes peeled for announcements!
\nKaty bar the door…all heck is gonna break loose around here!
\n❤️
\n“Put your outdoor work in order and get your fields ready; after that, build your house.”\n\n", "date_published": "2019-12-03T02:30:13-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/12/03/recovery-day.html", "tags": ["Faith","Travel","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Positive Energy","West Virginia","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Holiday","Wisdom","Girl Camper","Girl Campers","Choices","Change","Be Joyful!","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/11/26/tuesday-truth-when-you-canstep.html", "title": "Tuesday Truth: When You CAN...Step Away", "content_html": "Proverbs 24:27 NIV
![\"Meme\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/8c837d2539.jpg\")
“It’s OK to step away!”
Do you have trouble stepping away from toxic relationships? Do you find you are people pleasing yourself into a corner? Are you feeling pressed into doing traditional holiday things even though you would rather not? Or maybe you just can’t face your ____________ (insert relative/friend here) this year…or ANY year? Well, I’m going to do something here…pay very close attention.
\nStep away.
\nIf you need “permission” then, here…I’m giving you permission.
\nHolidays can be especially difficult if you’re grieving. Or if you have underlying health issues. Or, you know…if you happen to be human. If you are over the age of consent, holidays can be much more painful than they are pleasurable.
\nFor the last month, I’ve been really looking forward to going over to my cousin’s house for Thanksgiving. I don’t get to see her nearly often enough and this year it was for a very brief visit last month. I love to go and stay over a couple of days, but circumstances change. There are health issues with some of the older generation over there. Last year we left here early Thanksgiving morning, drove over, discovered my aunt had fallen and she and my uncle couldn’t attend dinner, so Mr. FixIt and I packed up a dinner for them and drove it to his house. This added another hour of driving…each way. Then, after our Thanksgiving meal back at my cousin’s house, we got in the tuck and drove home. It made for a very long day and was not relaxing nor fun even though it was great to see everyone.
\nWhen I returned on Halloween from the six week camping excursion with the rpod and discovered we had a new kitten, everything changed. Now there are no more impromptu trips and I am not up for a drive-by. I took the self-care approach and opted out. Now we can work hard to finish the back bathroom this week and get the sink, toilet, and shower stall out of our living room in time for our family gathering on Sunday.
\nSometimes it’s a sibling. Or an aging parent. You may feel guilty for stepping away, but as I tell you so often, you cannot fill someone else with an empty cup. WE are no good to anyone, including ourselves, if we continue putting ourselves in situations that are toxic and abusive.
\nI know, I know…there are times when you may be the only one that person has. There may be situations where you are a caregiver and there IS no other option. If you feel stuck…it’s ok to look for options. It’s ok to step away and take care of yourself. It’s ok to stay home and eat a hotdog for Thanksgiving if that will give you more peace. Surround yourself with the people who love you and lift you up and celebrate you if that’s what you want to do. But…give yourself permission to stay home if you need to. It’s ok.
\n❤️
\n“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”\n\n", "date_published": "2019-11-26T02:30:07-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/11/26/tuesday-truth-when-you-canstep.html", "tags": ["Health","Family","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Positive Energy","Growth","New Ideas","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","Love","Peace","Wisdom","Fear","Forgiveness","Courage","Aging","Choices","Change","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/11/19/healing-and-scars-and-joy.html", "title": "Healing and Scars and Joy", "content_html": "1 Corinthians 13:4-7 NIV
![\"Grief](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/04875913bf.jpg\")
“Although grief is never finished, healing can occur and you can use your scars to help others.”
Grief doesn’t run in a straight line. Anything but. We’d love to see the slow and steady climb from that deep, dark valley head right up the side of that mountain to joy. But, unfortunately…it just doesn’t happen that way. Grief runs all skwiggly-skwog…up and down, back and forth, around and around and around.
\nAt first you don’t think you are making any progress at all. You can’t feel anything but pain. You cant see two minutes in front of you. It’s a bloody wonder we survive at all. The world is dark. No color…no sound…and certainly no joy.
\nOne of the things people had the hardest time understanding in my early writing was the “gems in the flames”. I always looked for those gifts God left for me along my path as he led me through the fire. This wasn’t just a Pollyanna attempt to keep my glass half full. This was an exercise in faith knowing that…even in my darkest, most painful moments…my cup was still full to overflowing because Jesus was in that valley with me. Urging me on. Asking me to trust Him and just take one more step.
\nIt’s easy to have faith when things are looking good. When you’re standing on the mountaintop and you’re feeling great, you may even forget to thank God for carrying you through the muck. Or, you might throw a cursory “Thanks!” His way then think “I’ve got this!” No, it’s when you’re down at your lowest…when life is hard and painful and dirty and ugly…and you beg for God to catch you and bring you out of this that you lean in closest.
\nWhen you’re walking the road of grief and things hurt so bad and grieving tears your heart out of your chest, you may very well be tempted to take a shortcut. Circumvent the whole process, push that nasty wad of grief way, way down deep inside and slap a smile on your face. Because, let’s face it…that’s what the world is usually asking you to do. “Aren’t you over this yet?” “You just need to _____________” (fill in the blank with any of a zillion suggestions you receive). The sheer variety of platitudes is mind numbing.
\nOh, you can try to walk around it or climb under it, but one of these days, that bandage is going to come off and you’re going to have to face grief head on and it’s going to be ten times worse than it was before. At least, that’s what happened with me when I tried to date someone way…WAY too soon after Mr. Virgo died.
\nEven four years after Mr. Virgo died and I started dating Mr. Fixit, I was still pretty broken. Fortunately, he has a huge heart and an infinite amount of patience with me. He allowed me to talk it all through with him. He’s a great listener. Then one day, I didn’t feel compelled to talk about it as much and my heart truly started to heal.
\nMr. Virgo came along when I was in a really vulnerable place. I had gone through a particularly difficult and ugly breakup/divorce five years before. And still, for the first year, that man listened oh so patiently as I went though all the gory details and told him every sad and angry story. He saw the potential and he invested in our love.
\nBoth of these men love me with the white hot heat of the sun. Neither relationship would have ever worked had I not already worked through a lot of the pain of grief…both that of divorce and that of death. Those two men I dated between Mr. Virgo’s death and Mr. FixIt’s arrival though? Oy! I bled all over them from wounds they never caused. It wasn’t fair to them. I hate that I was blind and couldn’t see past my own need for a tourniquet.
\nFortunately, I did come to some understanding how unfair it was to another person to try to have a relationship too soon. That’s when I stopped trying to date and started a serious relationship with Jesus. Then…when I was in a much better place…I was ready to open my heart and try again. It isn’t easy. There’s nothing about grief that is easy. And if you are in the throes of it, you will not understand this, but…I’ve come to look at every situation with a level of Joy. Maybe not jump up and down happy-happy joy. But with the Joy of knowing I have a Father in Heaven who loves me and will never, ever leave me. I have Jesus to hang onto when I go through the worst of situations. THAT Joy….that Joy with a capital “J”.
\nThere is Joy in the scars because you have the opportunity to share your story with others. You have the opportunity to reach back to others coming behind you who are trying to find their footing in their pain. Your scars give you the freedom to love others. Your scars give you validity. They show others they aren’t alone. And when you can be there for another who hurts like you once hurt, you give the greatest gift possible. Empathy.
\nYou don’t have to have flowery words. You don’t have to offer Hallmark phrases. You can give a hug, sit quietly, or just be honest and say, “Whew…I don’t know what to say, but I’m here for you.” It’s isn’t easy to be there for someone who’s in pain, but it is so fulfilling to know you can somehow help another human being when they’re hurting.
\nBeing vulnerable. Being available. Being open and honest. That is where I find my Joy in grief.
\n❤️
\n“Lord my God, I called to you for help, and you healed me.”\n\n", "date_published": "2019-11-19T02:30:14-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/11/19/healing-and-scars-and-joy.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Positive Energy","Growth","God","Wisdom","Fear","Courage","Choices","Change","Be Joyful!","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/11/10/walking-among-the-headstones.html", "title": "Walking Among The Headstones", "content_html": "Psalms 30:2 NIV
![\"Old](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/7680fbcfab.jpg\")
“Walking among the dead, speaking their names.”
I’ve always been drawn to old cemeteries. The headstones that are crooked and worn, the names fading away with time till someday…no one knows who the departed was nor to whom they were dear. There is always a note of sadness in that. I’ve had people say as long as you continue to speak of him and keep him in your heart, he’s still with you. Yes…and no. HIs memory is always and forever with me. He is not. He is gone…never to return. The finality struck me deeply in the second year of my grief journey when I was no longer numb and couldn’t pretend anymore.
\nWhat happens to these old headstones and the people they hover over? When no one ever speaks the names because they are gone from the memory of those who came after? In my genealogy research, I visited the graves of my great great grandparents. But I didn’t know them. I had never met them. The only thing I knew were maybe a couple of stories and a glimpse of what they looked like in a grainy photograph of a photograph. My children, grandchildren, great grandchildren? What will they know of them if I don’t tell them or write it down.
\nThat is one of the ripple effects of this blog. What started out as my way of walking through a very dark valley has turned, not only into a chronicle of my life and travels, but that of the generations before me. I hope someday that my great great grandchildren will read the words I’ve set down here and see the photographs I’ve posted. I want them to know and understand their roots. I want them to know ME. Then maybe, when the letters have faded from my own headstone, they’ll have a part of me that still lives on. A legacy, as it were.
\nIt is a Jewish tradition to place a small stone on a headstone you have visited. That way, when others come, they know someone has been there to honor their loved one. I remember the first time I went to visit Mr. Virgo’s grave after someone left something there for him. It was a pack of his favorite cigarettes. I’ve found new stones in the circle surrounding his grave as well as the occasional golf ball or coin. It’s good to know others remember him. His family have largely cut all contact with me, so I have no idea if they ever come to visit him. They all live out of state, so I doubt it seriously.
\nI only go to Colorado once a year now. I always visit the cemetery as many times as I can. I clean up his grave and replace the stones in the circle. I always leave something to mark when I’ve visited. This past summer, I noticed how grown up the cemetery was because of the heavy spring rains. Yet, Mr. Virgo’s grave was weeded and neat as a pin. I stopped the groundskeeper my last visit of the trip and thanked him. When I moved away in 2014, I pressed a crisp $100 bill in his hand and implored him to look after the grave as I wouldn’t be there regularly anymore. With tears in his eyes, he swore he would. And he has.
\nThe cemetery in this photo is in Twin Falls State Park here in West Virginia. What struck me first was the markers. There were the typical headstones…these with hand carved names indicating the poverty and remoteness of the region and the times. There were also stones at the foot of the grave. This gave a true visual of how many of these graves were occupied by children. The closer these stones were together, the younger the child. Well over half the graves were those of young children. Primitive rural healthcare, rampant infectious diseases, and poverty all contributed to high mortality in children prior to the twentieth century. I found several instances in my own genealogy research where families lost multiple children within days of each other.
\nI don’t know that visiting graves is something that interests the younger generations. I was raised going. We even had picnics in the cemetery on Decoration Day where my paternal ancestors are buried. I took my kids, but I don’t know that they will continue that with their own children. Maybe when they are older and feel their own mortality creeping in. We all seem to change our priorities as we approach the finish line, don’t we?
\n❤️
\n““Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?””\n\n", "date_published": "2019-11-10T02:30:51-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/11/10/walking-among-the-headstones.html", "tags": ["Family","West Virginia","Grace","Peace","Wisdom","Humbled","Aging","Choices","Change","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/11/06/safety-on-the-road.html", "title": "Safety on the Road", "content_html": "1 Corinthians 15:55 NIV
![\"Camping](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/2dd8cdc79c.jpg\")
“Being safe in the woods means staying aware of your surroundings and listening to your gut.”
There were only two times on this last trip that my antennae went up as I paid close attention to what was happening around me. The first time was when I was at Calhoun County Park trying to see a meteor shower. This park only has eight campsites in the first place. And I was there in the middle of the week after school started so there was no one up there camping. There were people in the community building both evenings but they didn’t come over near me.
\nSometime after dark on the second night, a car drove slowly by my camper out to the end of the park and stayed there for about ten minutes. I turned off all the lights in the camper and peeked out from behind the blinds. The car came back and just drove right on by without slowing down, so the tension in my shoulders eased. Mr. FixIt told me he very nearly came out to camp with me out there but he resisted the urge.
\nThe second time I was even remotely concerned was at the last campground I stayed. Twin Falls is stunningly beautiful, as you can tell by the photos I took. But the campground itself is located on the very top of a long and winding mountain, pretty far away from the main park buildings. At this time of year, the campground office and store is closed and there wasn’t a campground host.
\nOn the first night, I read the story about the couple who were boondocking on South Padre Island and went missing. Then surveillance video showed a man and woman, not the owners, driving the truck and camper across the border into Mexico. They were later found buried in shallow graves on the beach. This freaked me out, I will not lie. The next evening, the man who was camping over on the next row walked through the woods between us to come talk to me when I pulled in after spending time at the lodge, writing.
\nHe told me he had tried to flag down the park worker who had just driven through the campground on a side-by-side but couldn’t catch his attention. He also said he didn’t have a phone so he couldn’t call anyone. He told me someone had come to the bath house earlier in the afternoon and their car was there for a couple of hours. After they had gone, this man went over to the bath house and someone had smeared feces all over one of the stalls in the men’s room.
\nOk, that was creepy, but the man seemed harmless enough. After all, he introduced himself by name. And I know stuff happens in campgrounds. I know how to handle myself and to watch what’s going on. I told him I would let someone at the park office know what had happened and he was grateful. As he turned to leave, he swung back around with a big smile and said, “I suppose you saw me all over the news last night!”
\nUm…no, I did not. I thought to myself…what did you do that put you on the news?
\nI swung the door of my truck closed. Then he proceeded to tell me he rode his bicycle all the way from California to look for the father he never knew. Apparently the news had followed him across the country on his quest. I wished him luck finding his dad and I went to tell someone about the men’s room.
\nThat was the night when the truck started making a grinding noise and the first thing that went through my head was “What do I do if I get stuck here? What if the bathroom vandal came back? What if “Bicycle Man” wanted to get friendly?” My imagination started to get the better of me and I had to pray myself to peace. And ask my gal pals to pray for me as well. And, I texted Mr. FixIt to come “help me check out this truck”.
\nI wasn’t really scared. But I was leery. And I was tired and a little road weary after six weeks of camping. It didn’t hurt a bit to get my strong, capable husband to come help me out and be my encourager. He told me he ran into one of my friends at the mall that week. She had been reading about my journey and she told Mr. FixIt she didn’t think she could do that and didn’t I get scared?
\n“Nope! She’s the bravest woman I know!”
\nKnowing he feels that way about me, and that he worries but lets me have my lead, makes me feel wonderful. I have spoken with my closest friends about this….I could never, EVER have done what I’m doing while I was married to Mr. Virgo. Not only did I lack the self confidence, but he would NOT have liked me being gone. He didn’t like me being gone for the weekend to Denver to see the kids. He wouldn’t have stood for me being gone the majority of six weeks. As a matter of fact, when we first started dating, he said he wasn’t interested in dating someone who wanted to spend much time apart.
\nMr. Virgo liked me being right there with him. When he watched TV, he liked me to watch TV with him. He didn’t like it if I was on the computer or the iPad or the phone either. Because, he wanted to discuss the show with me during the commercials. I did these things because I loved him, not because I loved watching TV. When you’re married, you do things sometimes that you don’t particularly enjoy. It’s called compromise.
\nMr. FixIt came into my life when I was a free-spirited, independent, remote-camping gypsy who spends long hours writing. He knew what he was getting and gives me space to grow and spread my wings. That’s one of the things I love about him. I make it up to him by traveling and going to the beach and never saying a word about his bowling two nights a week. I cook him yummy meals and take him camping whenever I can. We treat each other with respect, honoring each other’s interests, and we have a lot of fun together.
\nIt’s a win-win for us both.
\n❤️
\n“However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”\n\n \n", "date_published": "2019-11-06T02:30:14-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/11/06/safety-on-the-road.html", "tags": ["Faith","Overcoming Obstacles","Camping","West Virginia","Growth","goRVing","Wisdom","Courage","Warning","Choices","Widow","Road Trip","Marriage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/11/04/does-time-heal-all-wounds.html", "title": "Does Time Heal All Wounds?", "content_html": "Ephesians 5:33 NIV
![\"Time\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/4c33d304c7.jpg\")
“Does time heal all my wounds? Not in my time…but in God’s time.”
I’ve been struggling a little with re-entry. The rhythm of the road is different than that at home and I always have a bit of a hard time adjusting. It’s a little like the let down after the holidays…you know, when you have to get back to reality. Not that it’s a bad thing. It’s just always a little sad when the party is over.
\nYesterday morning I woke up at what seemed like a reasonable time with the time change. As I stretched and thanked God for letting me open my eyes to face another day, I went through my morning inventory. I noticed I felt a little down so I searched around in my mind as to what might be going on beyond the normal re-entry slump.
\nThen it came back to me. I was having a dream when I awoke. In my dream, I was sitting at a desk, going through my calendar, and realized it had been over six-and-a-half years since I had spoken with Mr. Virgo. In the dream, he hadn’t died…I had just seemed to have lost contact with him. I was really confused, like…did I go someplace and forget him? Did I tell him I’d call him when I got there and then just…didn’t? If that was the case, then why hadn’t he tried to contact me? What on earth was keeping him so tied up that he couldn’t find the time to text or call me? Then, of course, I woke up. And reality is reality. He is gone. I am here and happily married to Mr. FixIt. So, why did I have such a dream?
\nThere aren’t answers to that, really. I believe it was Freud who said, “a cigar is sometimes just a cigar”. There’s no reason to psychoanalyze every little thing. We have dreams. Things happen. Life moves with its own rhythm. Still, dreams like that can stir something deeper and create a ripple in the force.
\nThe day went on and was lovely. Church, breakfast, errands, a nice Sunday afternoon snooze. Then, I went into the bedroom for something and had that old familiar urge to call my mom. I always called her on Sunday evenings. I miss those calls and it made my heart ache a little. Then I thought of my kids and how busy they are and they don’t call me on Sunday evenings and…
\nThat particular snowball had to stop right there. It doesn’t do any good to go down that road and make myself miserable over things I have no control over. There are wounds that heal with time. They become so small they don’t even leave a scar. There are wounds that heal and leave visible scars. Then there are those that not only have the scars, but also have varying degrees of pain. Like the phantom pain of a leg long gone or a throbbing knee when it rains.
\nGrief and time. I see them like those models of DNA. A twisted ladder, connected and spiraling. Never really finished. Never quite tangible. Always affected by our emotional temperature. No…time doesn’t heal all wounds. But, God does. When I remember to stop trying to handle hot coals with my bare hands and give them to my Father to carry, my wounds are bound up. It’s just the remembering to turn them over that trips me up every time.
\n❤️
\n“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”\n\n", "date_published": "2019-11-04T02:30:36-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/11/04/does-time-heal-all-wounds.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Growth","Comfort","Wisdom","Courage","Choices","Change","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/10/26/time-travel.html", "title": "Time Travel", "content_html": "Psalms 147:3 NIV
![\"Coffee](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/663885f09a.jpg\")
“Coffee and sunshine and a little nosh!”
As I explored the latest West Virginia State Park on my camping itinerary yesterday, I took a king sized jump back in time. The last time I was at this particular park was with Hubby #2. I can’t tell you the year, but my guess is it was the summer of 1979, although it could have been later. I remember bits and pieces of that trip. I remember feeling so extravagant to travel to such beautiful places. We stayed a night in this lodge I am sitting in as I write this post. Oh, my…so much water over the dam since then.
\nI sat there in the morning sunshine, watching the river making riffles on the smooth stones below. The trees are yellow and brown and still-green here. Tiny little splashes of red and orange peek through as you move your eyes across the steep hillside at the far edge of the river. By 1:00 in the afternoon, the brilliant sun of morning gave way to the clouds portending the heavy storms predicted this weekend.
\nI haven’t met a West Virginia State Park I haven’t liked. This trip has seriously been magical and something my heart and soul so desperately needed, if for no other reason that to remind me how dearly I love Mr. FixIt. Not that there has ever been a question. We all have a tendency to get wrapped up in the busyness of life and forget to stop and appreciate what we have. I’m just as guilty of that as anyone.
\nGetting away also reminds me of the independence I cultivated for my self after Mr. Virgo died. I either got out and had adventures, or I would spend the rest of my life sitting at home alone. And that is just not me. I need solitude from time to time…to refresh and recharge and stretch my abilities. When I do that, I am a much better partner for my husband. I am more patient, more loving, and decidedly happier. This is a benefit for both of us.
\nI’ve been gone for quite a bit this year. Between Girl Camping trips, six weeks in Colorado for my daughter’s wedding, and this Charity Trailer Raffle Tour, I think I have spent more time away from home than I was there. I have a patient husband, to be sure. But we are missing each other a lot so we are working on our itinerary for the next two months and figuring out the best way to travel AND be together.
\nIt is supposed to rain a lot this weekend so I’ve saved my writing and indoor projects till then. I need to take advantage of the sunshine when I can. When I woke up yesterday morning, it was 37 degrees. By the time I rousted myself to get coffee, it was 8:00 and 42 degrees. I took the electric griddle outside and cooked with it sitting on the picnic table. I fried a whole package of bacon and carefully placed the cooked strip between layers of paper towels and slipped the entire batch into a zip lock bag. Stored in the refrigerator, these will be eaten up long before they would spoil. I did the same with a batch of pancakes and stored them two to a sandwich bag. That way, I’ve cooked several days of breakfasts ahead of time. When it’s raining this weekend, I can still have outdoor cooked meals.
\nAs I finished writing this piece, I watched a little boy, maybe four or five years old…walking along the river. Bright yellow leaves rained down around him. With hands reached out, he laughed as he tried to catch them…his feet crunching on those he missed. He picked up rocks on the river bank and watched out for his little brother toddling along behind him. They were out with their dad. I love seeing dads with their littles…teaching, loving, experiencing the joy of the day. I close with this thought. Wouldn’t it be a better world if the littles spent more time outside with their dads? Or moms, if dad isn’t around? Or with anyone who loves them and wants to teach them about the world and about life? Wouldn’t it be better than handing a child an electronic device to keep them quiet…engaged in learning what someone else is teaching them? Maybe something that isn’t reflective of your values? I’m not being judgmental here. There were plenty of times I let my own little watch too much TV in order to have some peace. It just seems we are raising a generation that’s greatest skill is dissociation. I’m not sure how you put the smoke back in the bottle.
\nWith that thought, I have spent entirely too much of my morning sitting here with my own set of electronic diversions so I’m heading out to enjoy this day before the rains come and I get stuck inside. I hope you have a beautiful weekend wherever you are. Put the phone down…go outside and play. You’re never too old to “go places and do things”, as the Girl Campers say!
\n❤️
\n“Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.”\n\n \n", "date_published": "2019-10-26T01:30:14-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/10/26/time-travel.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Travel","Uplifting Stories","Positive Energy","Camping","Fun","West Virginia","Gratitude","Peace","Wisdom","Aging","Girl Camper","Girl Campers","Choices","Be Joyful!","Widow","Road Trip","Littles","Chasing the Sun - Girl Camper Road Trip"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/10/20/waiting-for-home.html", "title": "Waiting for Home", "content_html": "Proverbs 22:6 NIV
![\"Beautiful](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/5a554a6bb8.jpg\")
“The house I wanted for a B&B in Elkins…it always makes me wonder…what if?”
I’m not kidding when I say I spent just about every moment of the forty years I lived in Colorado waiting for the day I could move back home. Oh, there was a stretch of time when I was young and cocky and I thought I knew better than those “old fogeys” back home who were SO out of touch. Little did I know I would give my right arm to return to my roots one day.
\nI had the opportunity to come home when Hubby #1 and I split up, but I turned it down. My daughter was about three years old at the time, and I wanted her to have broader horizons than I had growing up so I elected to stay in Denver where I had no family support and a relatively small social circle.
\nWhen I was married to Hubby #2, there was some talk about going back home, but he is a Colorado boy, born and bred. You just don’t take them out of that climate and plop them down in humidity. I remember dreaming at night that if anything happened to him, I’d hightail it home as fast as I could.
\nThen, Mr. Virgo came along. He was my best bet to get back because he was born and raised in South Philly. But he had tried his whole life to get back to Colorado, which he adored, so I knew there was a very slim chance we’d actually move back to West Virginia. However, I did get him to discuss the possibilities of owning a B&B somewhere back here.
\nI’ll never forget those days when we would do internet searches for B&B’s for sale. We found a big house in the historic district of Parkersburg that was a real possibility. But the one I had my heart set on was actually here in Elkins, WV. It was right across the road from the back side of the Davis & Elkins campus. It had seven bedrooms and five full baths with a large commercial kitchen. I was in love!
\nMr. Virgo? Not so much. This is where the wheat was separated from the chaff and I realized it was never gonna happen. He had put his roots down in Colorado and there would be no budging that man. Now, every time I am near here, I have to drive past “my B&B”. I have no idea who bought it. It doesn’t look as though it has been turned back into the B&B it was many years ago. When I see it, I am reminded that we don’t work on our time. We work on God’s time. And it wasn’t time for me to be here back then.
\nI do have an affinity for this little town though. Mostly because of the college and the Augusta Heritage Center which works to preserve the old timey ways of our ancestors. I was thrilled to spend the afternoon with “my people”…folks who obviously love their heritage as much as I do. I’ve seen some beautiful places on this trip already. But I think this stop has been my favorite so far. I just wish Mr. FixIt could have been with me. He would have enjoyed this so much.
\n❤️
\n“And you shall remember the whole way that the Lord your God has led you these forty years in the wilderness, that he might humble you, testing you to know what was in your heart, whether you would keep his commandments or not.”\n\n", "date_published": "2019-10-20T01:30:07-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/10/20/waiting-for-home.html", "tags": ["Family","Travel","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Positive Energy","Camping","Fun","West Virginia","Gratitude","Love","Peace","Girl Camper","Girl Campers","Widow","Road Trip","Chasing the Sun - Girl Camper Road Trip"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/10/05/setting-up-the-spare-room.html", "title": "Setting up the “Spare Room”", "content_html": "Deuteronomy 8:2 ESV
![\"RPod](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/cb31a9fcac.jpg\")
“Converting the sofa to a spare bed in the RPod 196!”
I’m Back!!! Mr. FixIt and I had a wonderful time camping together and the little break was just what I needed to recharge. There’s nothing like being in the woods in a little camper. Losing Mr. Virgo taught me to really appreciate every moment and this week has been grand!
\nOn Monday, we checked into Tomlinson Run State Park in the tippy top of the Northern Panhandle of West Virginia. The drive up was lovely as we followed the Ohio River on Rt. 7. Mr. FixIt drove separately and followed along behind me. We got to our campsite by mid-afternoon and unhooked. It’s a lovely campground, located on top of a hill and densely wooded. The sites are all nicely spaced apart from each other. We had electric but no water. That’s not a problem, really. You just use the water you carry with you in your fresh water tanks. We rode our bikes around the campground, we cooked outside, and we spent as much time as we could sitting out looking at the stars.
\nWe left Tomlinson Run on Wednesday and headed to Beaver Creek to meet up with the Girl Campers. Mr. FixIt loves to hang out with the girls and they really enjoy him as well. We had fires in the Solo Stove which is wonderful…so much less smoke than a conventional campfire but still enough that you feel as though you had the camping experience. We had some rain here Wednesday night. Quite a bit actually.
\nMr. Fixit left yesterday mid-day to head home. My friend Diane joined me last night. Diane graduated from high school with me but we didn’t know each other back then. She and I didn’t really become good friends till I moved to the family farm in West Virginia in 2014…the year after Mr. Virgo died. I needed to find someone who could help me unload a truck so I called her to get a recommendation. We became fast friends after that.
\nI tried to get her to camp with me several years ago, but Motel 8 is roughing it to Diane. Then, when she found out I was taking the RPod out for a road test, she texted me with a bombshell. She wanted to come camping with me! She knew I’d be writing about my camping experiences and wanted to offer her services as “blog fodder”. “Camping with the Non-Camper!” Brilliant! This could either be really, really good…or really, really bad. I’m happy to report that, so far, she seems to be having a grand time! She fits right in with these great gals.
\nAs is always the case, there’s always a good deal of food at these events and last night was a smorgasbord. Tonight is soup night…my favorite night during What a Hoot. Everyone brings their A-game on soup night and we all go around taste testing each person’s creation. I decided to do something a little bit different this year and make beef and noodles. I’ll stick the chuck roast in the crock pot in the morning and let it simmer all day. It will be a welcome addition, I am sure.
\nThis morning was predicted to be 41 degrees! After a long stretch of hot, dry weather, I am really welcoming the cooler temperatures of fall. I needed to make a reconfiguration of the camper to accommodate my guest. I turned the jack knife sofa into a twin bed. The back of the sofa is a little bit higher than the seat when it’s laid out flat. I bought some firm upholstery foam sheets to lay down on the lower section to make an even base and place my inflatable mattress on top. It was cool enough for the furnace. Today is Pioneer Days down in the Historic Village. The grist mill will be running and there will be tours of the village buildings. Our friend Gail’s son wrote a book about the haunted history of Beaver Creek and will be on hand to sign his books.
\nSo far, the trip is fabulous and so is the RPod 196! The tickets are on sale on girlcamper.com for $10 each and the proceeds benefit the Hold You Foundation, an organization that assists families with critically ill children. This is a wonderful chance to support a worthy cause as well and get the opportunity to buy a wonderful camper! It’s good to be back!
\n❤️
\n“We love because he first loved us.”\n\n", "date_published": "2019-10-05T01:30:44-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/10/05/setting-up-the-spare-room.html", "tags": ["Family","Uplifting Stories","Positive Energy","Camping","Fun","West Virginia","Growth","Gratitude","Love","Peace","Wisdom","Girl Camper","Girl Campers","Choices","Be Joyful!","Widow","Road Trip","Marriage","Chasing the Sun - Girl Camper Road Trip"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/09/27/love-letters-from-beyond.html", "title": "Love Letters from Beyond", "content_html": "1 John 4:19 NIV
![\"Love](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/0c336c8efc.jpg\")
“Leaving love notes behind for your spouse to find later…what a gift!”
My friends and I camped at Beaver Creek State Park last night. We so seldom get together, just the three of us and when we do it’s always so special. It’s always tempting to stay up really late and sleep in the next day, but Janine and I both had long drives home. We called it a night fairly early and were up and ready for coffee by 8:00. We chatted over a leisurely breakfast and prayed for each other before we finally broke camp by 11:00. I pulled in to the Ponderosa around 4:00, dropped off the camper, and turned right around to go back to town for small group. I’m not signed up for this session, but I wanted to visit and share in the fellowship with dear friends from church.
\nI was seated by a new member of the group. Jonna is a widow of two years. I put my hand on her arm and told her how sorry I was for her loss. We chatted about the similarities and differences between people’s grief experiences. She knew ahead of time that her husband was dying and she was thrilled they had time to have important conversations, no matter how uncomfortable they were.
\nJust before our meeting started, she leaned over and lowered her voice a little.
\n“Wanna know the BEST part?”
\nI was intrigued. I had never thought about “the best part” of grief.
\n“Yes….please!”
\n“My husband hid love notes for me everywhere! I’ve found over twenty of them already!”
\nMy heart melted. I remember finding a note Mr. Virgo had left me for Valentine’s day just a month before he died unexpectedly. I know how precious that is.
\n“I’m not going to go looking for them. If I find one, it’s a gift! I found one the other day in the file of Explanation of Benefits from the insurance!”
\nI leaned over to her and said, “I think that is just the sweetest thing!”
\nThat’s a good man, right there. He knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, what these little gifts would mean to the woman he had married thirty-eight years prior. Even when he was ill and in pain from the amputation of his leg, this gentle giant left his sweetheart love letters from beyond. Yes…that’s a very good man!
\n❤️
\n“Now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times and in every way. The Lord be with all of you.”\n\n", "date_published": "2019-09-27T01:30:20-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/09/27/love-letters-from-beyond.html", "tags": ["Family","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","West Virginia","Gratitude","Love","Wisdom","Choices","Change","Be Joyful!","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/09/15/the-really-really-big-show.html", "title": "The Really REALLY Big Show!", "content_html": "2 Thessalonians 3:16 NIV
![\"Women](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/ed8ac30958.jpg\")
“Janine, her BFF Carol, and me in front of the R Pod at the Hershey RV Show.”
Ok, so I thought Friday’s show was busy? Hokey Smokes!!! Yesterday was absolutely insane at the RV Show…but SO amazingly fun! Hundreds of people came and walked through the camper. Everyone loved the decor and if they didn’t…it was probably a guy. Guys don’t necessarily get the whole “decorate your camper” thing. That’s why most campers are varying themes of BROWN. I think a guy takes a look and says, “Yeah…that won’t show dirt. Use that!”
\nI do have to say, the folks at Forest River are stepping up their game in the new R Pod. The cabinets are a lovely shade of grey and the walls are off white. It is a perfect canvas on which to decorate in whatever style strikes your fancy. The light colors along with multiple large windows brings in an abundance of light which is exactly what I am looking for in a camper. I am going to switch the mattress out. I’ve never found an RV mattress that I found satisfactory. I am very choosy about my mattresses. I have an extra memory foam mattress at home so I’ll switch it out when I’m there next week.
\nJanine and I were so exhausted when we got back to our hotel room yesterday. We both took a long nap, then headed out for dinner. Our meal was ok. I was disappointed in my main course. I had pasta and meat sauce with Italian sausage. The sausage had been left in the skillet too long and was actually burnt. When the waitress took my plate, she asked if there was something wrong. I explained and she offered something different. By that time I was full from just the pasta and sauce and didn’t care for anything else.
\nPretty soon, the manage/owner came out to talk with me. He said he took my entree off the check. In the process of our discussion, I informed him I had a good understanding of what he was going through. I told him about Mr. Virgo working in the Food & Beverage industry all of his career. He lit up and we began a long discussion comparing notes of who worked where and when. This is something I always found fascinating with Mr. Virgo. No matter where we were, he could find someone who knew someone and there was always common ground. It made me smile.
\nI told him our story. I told him about going out to buy the camper and how he died while we were looking. I told him about buying the little camper and taking it out in the wilderness and backroads of Colorado. I told him about selling my house and buying the big camper and getting rid of 95% of my personal belongings. I told him about being on the road in the camper and writing about it and how I came to know Janine. Then, I told him the happy ending of the story…running into Mr. FixIt and how we are just about ready to celebrate our 1st Wedding Anniversary.
\nA happy ending. It’s never “The End” though…is it. Mr. Virgo died. But it wasn’t the end. It was the end of many things…but not of him. Or of me. There is always more story to be written…even when you cannot believe you can survive another moment after such a painful loss. Being away, doing something different, learning new things, expanding my territory. All these things offer a lovely perspective of life. I can’t think how my life could be any more perfect than what it is. I am so incredibly grateful. Telling my story gives me this gift every single time.
\n❤️
\n“Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.”\n\n \n", "date_published": "2019-09-15T01:30:02-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/09/15/the-really-really-big-show.html", "tags": ["Travel","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Strong Women","Positive Energy","Camping","Fun","Growth","Gratitude","goRVing","Wisdom","Humbled","Girl Camper","Girl Campers","Be Joyful!","Widow","Road Trip","Chasing the Sun - Girl Camper Road Trip"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/09/13/full-moonfriday-the-th.html", "title": "Full Moon...Friday the 13th", "content_html": "James 1:17 NIV
![\"Full](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/e94bb9bf3f.jpg\")
“Tonight is a full moon AND Friday the 13th! What could POSSIBLY go wrong?”
If you have ever worked in an emergency room, you know it is guaranteed to be crazy busy on the night of a full moon and any Friday the 13th. Add the two? Yikes! Let’s just say, I’m super happy I am going to go work an RV show today and not an ER!
\nYesterday was insanely busy. I got up early and finished packing. Mr. FixIt had to work so I loaded up the truck by myself. Although I started early and it was only 73 degrees, within an hour I was sweating buckets and things became decidedly more difficult. I managed to get everything finished around 11:00 and headed to town. I had some errands to run before a doctor’s appointment at 2:45. The Doctor ran really late so it was 4:15 by the time I was finished.
\nAs I walked around the back of my truck in the parking lot, I noticed the hitch wasn’t on my truck. Mr. FixIt usually does that for me because a hitch with all the gear to use weight distribution bars is really heavy. I had to drive all the way home and hook it up myself before I could head out of town. I was really tired by 10:00 and started looking for a hotel room. I finally found one around Hagerstown, MD and stopped for the night. There’s a long stretch through the mountains where the pickin’s are slim.
\nI love traveling by night. The traffic is lighter and the moon was amazing! By the time I got settled in my room, it was 11:30 so I was whupped. I don’t have to be at the RV Show till noon so I could sleep in this morning! Gotta be ready for a busy, busy couple of days!
\n❤️
\n“For it is written: “ ‘He will command his angels concerning you to guard you carefully; they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.’ ””\n\n \n", "date_published": "2019-09-13T01:30:48-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/09/13/full-moonfriday-the-th.html", "tags": ["Travel","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Positive Energy","Fun","Gratitude","goRVing","Grace","Love","God","Courage","Girl Camper","Girl Campers","Choices","Be Joyful!","Widow","Road Trip"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/09/10/forever.html", "title": "Forever 62...", "content_html": "Luke 4:10-11 NIV
![\"Handsome](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/ec04ed0bbc.jpg\")
“Mr. Virgo…Forever 62…and still handsome as ever.”
Happy Heavenly Birthday, Mr. Virgo. You would have been sixty-nine today. Would you have been retired by now? Would we have pulled that camper all over the country? Would our golf game be any better? It’s hard to say, but my guess is…we would have been out hitting some balls today.
\nMy life is so different now…I do different things. I camp and write about it. I grieve and write about it. I got married again…and I write about it! Nothing is safe anymore…it’s all blog fodder. But in a good way.
\nI remember all the stages, all the phases, all the fear and pain and anger your loss caused me. I remember it all. At the same time, the edges are fuzzy. A little out of focus. The only words I can hear your voice say in my mind anymore is “I love you, baby doll.” I can picture your hands…your earlobes…your hair. It’s like I can see all the pieces of the puzzle but I cannot seem to piece them all together and put together a workable picture of you. Sometimes it’s frustrating. Sometimes its a Godsend.
\nAs I always tell my readers, the pain of grief is always much, much worse when I’m tired. Sunday night, I could not get to sleep. And the longer it went on, the more focused I became on being away. I knew I’d be tired. And I knew the waves could hit any minutes, even if you never crossed my mind.
\nI finally drifted off for about 20 minutes and woke up freezing. I turned off the fan, threw a blanket over me, and went to sleep for…maybe a half hour. This time, I woke up overheated, sweating profusely, and anxious/nauseated/jittery. I finally got up, turned the fan back on, and got sick.
\nGrief.
\nWaves of seemingly unending grief have dwindled to the rare bad night. Sunday night was it. I hate disturbing Mr. FixIt if I’m jumping up and down all night so I moved to the guest room, took something for my upset stomach, and finally slipped into a sound sleep for four or five hours. This is the way it works now. The fact that I am happily married doesn’t seem to phase it. We never “get over it”….but we do learn how to hold our grief with soft hands so as to not wake up the beast.
\nIt is your 69th. You are there with your mom and dad…and cousin-in-law Dennis…and now, your firstborn, Shannon. She has been with you for two years. I know you all are together and having a cigar on the back 9…watching the sunset.
\nI will always love you and remember you in so many ways. It’s funny how your shape in my life has changed over time. Each year you step a tiny bit further away. Your star shines a tiny bit less in my every day life…but you’re so much bigger in the grand moments. And still, every once it a while, a wave hits me and I have a bad night. Thank God, they are fewer and farther between.
\nSo…
\nHappy Birthday, Mr. Virgo!
\n❤️
\n“So also you have sorrow now, but I will see you again, and your hearts will rejoice, and no one will take your joy from you.”\n\n \n", "date_published": "2019-09-10T01:30:19-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/09/10/forever.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Growth","Gratitude","God","Peace","Wisdom","Fear","Courage","Aging","Choices","Change","Widow","Marriage","Starting Over"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/09/05/soft-hands.html", "title": "Soft Hands", "content_html": "John 16:22 ESV
![\"Soft](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/92d4f60f57.jpg\")
“Hold people’s hearts softly…with open hands.”
I’ve learned to have soft hands in my relationships. I’m not talking about getting a mani or using the latest lotions and potions. I’m talking about holding my relationships softly. I’ve learned a lot about relationships over my life. I’ve certainly had enough of them. I used to be embarrassed to say Mr. FixIt is my fourth marriage. I mean, would it have been nice to celebrate my 50th Anniversary with the man I married in 1973? Well…if it WOULD have been nice, I’d still be married to him now, wouldn’t I? Same goes for the one I married in 1979.
\nWhen I married Mr. Virgo in 2007, I truly believed it was my last marriage and we would grow old together. Then 2013 happened, and that dream was shattered by his untimely death at the age of 62. I was only 59, but I swore I would never, ever get married again. “No one could ever measure up.” “My heart could never take that again.” “I’ve already used up three women’s quotas…I’m done.”
\nI had every reason in the book to never do this again…then Mr. FixIt came along and God granted me another chance at happiness. I’ve been able to use a lot of the lessons I learned in my first three marriages and use them in my new marriage…my LAST marriage.
\nI knew nothing when I married my first husband…as is true with most people, I suppose. We were so very young…I was only 19, he was 20. We argued…a lot. We had a baby straight away and we were separated before she was two. I learned a lot about what I didn’t want in that marriage.
\nHubby #2 was my longest marriage…20 years. And the divorce was extremely painful. When I look back on that marriage, I realize I held onto my husband with tight fists. I was jealous of his coworkers. The nurses and medical staff, the female doctors…well, anyone really. I spent my entire relationship wondering when he would leave me for some talented, intelligent, good looking, young thing. I held on so tightly neither one of us could breathe and the relationship became toxic.
\nBy the time Mr. Virgo came along, I was looking for what I DID want in a partner…not the other way around. I held him softly, but I held myself in an ironclad fist. My second marriage did not end by my choice, so I told myself I had to be the very best version of myself…the perfect wife…with Mr. Virgo or he might leave me, too. The marriage was much, much happier…don’t get me wrong. But it was a lot of work to try to be perfect all the time. In all honesty, I have no idea what might have come of that relationship had he not passed away. I can idealize it and say it was perfect, but no relationship is absolutely perfect. Really, really great is a glorious gift.
\nBy the time Mr. FixIt came along, I was tired of being something…someONE…I was not. I knew if I ever had the opportunity to have another serious relationship and be married again, I was going to be a “what-you-see-is-what-you-get” kinda gal. Which works out really great because Mr. FixIt is a “what-you-see-is-what-you-get” kinda guy. I love our relationship because we aren’t guarded around each other. We’re easy with each other. We hold each other’s hearts, but with soft, open hands.
\nYou see, what I finally learned…and trust me, I’m a slow learner…what I finally learned was this: If you hold your love’s heart in the soft, open palm of your hand and he flies away…he was not yours to begin with. And, without the tight grip of jealousy and fear of abandonment, the relationship can breathe and grow.
\nI never once questioned Mr. Virgo’s commitment to me, yet I still held a piece of my heart tightly in my clenched fists for fear he’d leave like the last one and break my heart. It never occurred to me it would be his death that would crush me. I don’t question Mr. FixIt’s commitment either, and I haven’t held anything back. It’s liberating. Can I get crushed again. Yes, of course. But death has taught me I can survive anything so I don’t live in fear anymore. I have soft hands. And that is a much more graceful way to live.
\n❤️
\n“Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near.”\n\n", "date_published": "2019-09-05T01:30:37-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/09/05/soft-hands.html", "tags": ["Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Positive Energy","Growth","Love","Peace","Wisdom","Aging","Change","Widow","Marriage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/09/04/the-other-side-of-fear.html", "title": "The Other Side of Fear", "content_html": "Philippians 4:5 NIV
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/36c271d072.jpg\")
“Everything you want is on the other side of fear.” Jack Canfield
I hear from a lot of widows who face fear as one of their most difficult symptoms of grief. Fear of the unknown…fear of being alone…fear of other people’s motives. Navigating grief is difficult enough on it’s own. Add fear, anxiety, and even full blown panic attacks and it ratchets grief up to an unbearable level.
\nI’ve always had a bit of an anxious nature. Anticipatory social anxiety. Commonly called “stage fright”. I’ve come a long way in learning to control it. Sometimes it bothers me. Sometimes it doesn’t. I’ve learned the things I most want to do lie on the other side of that fear, so I have to figure out ways to get through to the other side in order to find my bliss.
\nThe fear I felt early on after losing Mr. Virgo was different than my usual pre-speech jitters. It was hold-onto-the-edge-of-the-mattress-all-night awful. Through trial and error, I’ve learned a lot of skills…tools for my tool box, so to speak. If I feel myself amping up, one of the things that almost immediately calms me down is listening to praise music. If I’m singing at the top of my lungs, its really difficult to be scared.
\nI’ve had so many people tell me they would really love to take off camping or traveling by themselves but they are too scared. The bottom line any grief mentor should take is honoring what others are and are not capable of. That being said, if it really is something you want to do, there are ways you can ease into scary situations without jumping in with both feet.
\nFinding a like-minded friend to do things with can help a lot when it comes to doing new things. Taking little baby steps helps, as well. If your dream is to take a month long trip to Europe but you have panic attacks going to the grocery store, you need to desensitize yourself. Start with little excursions. A short day trip. Repeat till you’re comfortable. Then an overnight, then two…you get the idea. Getting professional help can go a long way toward building your confidence and getting down to the root of the issues you face.
\nWhen I was planning the trip to Colorado, my biggest concerns were the social obligations of my daughter’s wedding and being so far away from Mr. FixIt. Losing Mr. Virgo so suddenly brings the possibility of a repeat to the forefront of my imagination. So, yeah…that makes me nervous. The night before the trip, my stomach was in knots but I did my routine and the next morning, I was good to go. It’s not the actual DOING that bothers me…it’s the anticipation. And, sometimes I just have to do the thing and feel the fear.
\nI’m really excited about the opportunity to take this new camper around. There’s nothing about it that scares me, per se. I may have pre-trip jitters the night before. I may not. Knowing what it is, knowing how to redirect my thinking, knowing just what I need to do helps me feel less out of control and more confident in my own abilities.
\nWhat I want is often on the other side of fear, but that’s exactly what makes the experience so much richer. I know exactly what I had to get through to get there and that makes me brave! After all…so far, I have survived every single experience I’ve encountered in my life!
\n❤️
\n“Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.\"”\n\n", "date_published": "2019-09-04T01:30:51-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/09/04/the-other-side-of-fear.html", "tags": ["Faith","Health","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","God","Peace","Wisdom","Fear","Aging","Choices","Change","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/09/02/the-tug-of-war.html", "title": "The Tug of War", "content_html": "Deuteronomy 31:6 ESV
![\"Angel](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/9046855216.jpg\")
“Angel on one hand, devil on the other…trying to have their way with me.”
Mr. FixIt and I haven’t had a lot of time together this summer. I was gone a lot and, even though he joined me for three weeks in Colorado, we both have been working nonstop at this and that since we got home the first week of August. Here it is September already and I’m already preparing to leave again.
\nWe miss being together and we both know the importance of devoting time to our relationship. It’s been really nice this weekend because we took three days off for some much needed R&R. When I woke up yesterday, I was tired. My allergies have been giving me fits creating fluid in my ears which sometimes makes me dizzy. I laid in bed for twenty minutes telling myself it was perfectly fine to stay home…we didn’t have to go to church. I mean…it’s just this once, right? We go almost every Sunday when we are home. That deserves a day off to sleep in. I just didn’t feel good. I didn’t feel like going.
\nAs I let these thoughts run through my mind, I was almost convinced to turn over and go back to sleep when a stern “voice” shook me from my reverie.
\n“When you don’t FEEL like going is exactly when you NEED to go!”
\nI quite literally jumped out of bed.
\nOhhhhh….my thinker was what was “sick”. Church is the place it gets healed.
\nWhen I’m thinking I don’t need to go to church is exactly when I need it the most. And yesterday, I am not kidding…church felt like plugging in my jet pack. I got fed the energy and grace and love and lessons I needed and I left there convicted. Convinced the place to feel better is to draw closer to Jesus, not turn over and go back to sleep.
\nIt’s not enough to go every Sunday and get plugged in, hoping the charge lasts till the following Sunday. That obviously didn’t work last week because I easily could have opted out. My tug of war pitted the proverbial angel on one hand and devil on the other…each trying to pull me to their side. I know I can’t ever go wrong when I choose Jesus.
\nThe key is to draw closer…constantly. The Bible says we are to “pray without ceasing” (1 Thessalonians 5:17). The way to do that is to turn whatever you are doing into worship. Whether you are singing in the choir or scrubbing toilets, it can be done with a tone of worship and praise. And when we pray, we are to devote ourselves “to prayer, keeping alert in it with an attitude of thanksgiving” (Colossians 4:2)
\nJust that boost, and the conviction to keep close, has given me rest and regeneration. I feel so much better and not nearly so overwhelmed by all I need to accomplish in the next two weeks. I came to the farm after church…to my place of meditation…to the home of my heart…and enjoyed a quiet evening while Mr. FixIt bowled. Today, I’ll go back home and get some work done. Perhaps I’ll pressure wash the deck!
\n❤️
\n“Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.”\n\n", "date_published": "2019-09-02T01:30:54-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/09/02/the-tug-of-war.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Hope","Positive Energy","West Virginia","The Farm","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","God","Peace","Wisdom","Fear","Courage","Aging","Choices","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/09/01/dining-alone.html", "title": "Dining Alone", "content_html": "Romans 12:2 NIV
![\"Dining](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/98b0114505.jpg\")
“Dining alone can be an intimidating experience when you are widowed.”
I saw her walk into the restaurant with the rest of us “early birds”. The waitress came up to her table and handed her a menu.
\n“Just one?”
\nI’m sure I’m the only one in the restaurant that saw the shadow of pain skitter across her face.
\n“Yes.”
\n“Really?”
\nsigh
\nI wanted to smack the perky waitress but decided at some point in the meal, this would become a teaching moment.
\nWhen we walked in, there were friends sitting in a booth near the front of the restaurant. They called to us to join them. The woman dining alone sat nearby. Our friends lost their son a couple of years ago. Eventually, our conversation included him…mentioning him by name, telling a funny story or two, comforting her and telling her at two years, it’s still ok to cry. It’s always ok to cry.
\nThe waitress came back to give us our check and I chose that moment to speak to the woman dining alone. We made direct eye contact.
\n“I remember the first time I went to a restaurant alone after my husband died.”
\nShe looked at me steadily. I recognized the sadness in her eyes. I sat there…many times.
\n“It doesn’t really help to be asked…’Oh…you’re alone?’ The first time I went to our favorite restaurant, I opened my iPad and pulled up my favorite picture of my husband and propped him up on the table so I didn’t feel so alone.”
\n“Yes…it’s really hard. Especially when someone comes up to you after a year and a half and asks ‘Where’s Paul?’”
\nThe waitress whirled around. It just dawned on her what had happened. She opened her mouth to say something and I quickly said, “It’s not your fault. You aren’t clairvoyant so you had no way of knowing.” But now she’ll be more aware the next time someone comes in unaccompanied.
\nAs we were leaving, I glanced over at the woman dining alone and gave her a long, knowing look and a gentle smile. She smiled back and waved.
\nGod moments. He gives us the people we need to help…and to help us.
\n❤️
\n“He defends the cause of the fatherless and the widow, and loves the foreigner residing among you, giving them food and clothing.”\n\n", "date_published": "2019-09-01T01:30:25-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/09/01/dining-alone.html", "tags": ["Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Positive Energy","Growth","Grace","God","Wisdom","Fear","Courage","Aging","Choices","Change","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/08/30/and-i-will-give-you.html", "title": "“...and I Will Give You Rest.”", "content_html": "Deuteronomy 10:18 NIV
![\"Broken\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/cedfd64030.jpg\")
“We can help broken people by touching base with a simple ? or ❤️…just to let them know you’re thinking of them.”
I have spoken with thousands of bereaved people in the last six plus years. I have heard story after story of loss and how their grief affects them. I have learned to keep healthy boundaries so that I don’t internalize the stories and let it affect my well being. This is something I learned in the beginning of my medical career and it’s a valuable tool.
\nWe all experience loss and grief in our lives. It seems to me, the older I get, the more of it there is to deal with. Just after I graduated from high school, I had my first experience with death. My Pop-Pop died of a heart attack when he was 72. The next year, a couple of friends from high school died together from carbon monoxide poisoning. News would come here and there…a neighbor passed, the daughter of a friend, an accident here, old age there.
\nLosing my mom was really hard as it was fairly sudden and, well…it was my MOM. My dad died four years later but the impact wasn’t as great because we never had a close relationship. Then…Mr. Virgo died and death changed its timbre. Death hit close and it hit hard and it hit home. I remember feeling…broken.
\nAnd now, there are people who are close to me who are suffering terrible, tragic things and I feel as helpless as anyone else. I want to help them. I want to hold them and say magic words that make it better. And I know…there ARE no magic words. The only thing I can do is touch base with them. Pray for them. Perhaps send them gift cards for things like gas or a meal. Uber Eats and other food delivery services can help a lot in times like this.
\nIf you are supporting someone whose world has been shattered by tragedy, there is one thing you have to remember to do and that’s take care of yourself. You can’t help anyone if you suffer your own burnout. It may seem selfish when people you love are in pain and you’re thinking of yourself. But believe me, it’s vitally important to practice self care.
\nWith that in mind, I seriously wanted to sleep in my camper last night but for a number of reasons, I couldn’t. I’m going to make a concerted effort to get out there tonight and have some TOW-Wanda Time. That is where I physically find the most peace and rest. And…it’s where I spend an awful lot of quality quiet time with Jesus so trailer time is good for me.
\nI took the truck to the Ford dealer yesterday and spent about three hours working on my camping itinerary for the upcoming trip. I made some reservations. I also found the kind of trip planner I’ve been looking for on the Good Sams page. There are lots of planners out there, but I was looking for one that lets me add and change stops and look for camping spots at the the same time. There are a lot of things to juggle with this trip.
\nI’m trying to focus on West Virginia while it is still warm enough to camp here. When it gets colder, I’ll follow the colors south. I found a map online that predicts when the colors will be at their peak in different areas. I think that will be helpful in my planning. The truck is in tip top shape. It has new tires. The mechanic said the brakes are barely worn and there are no leaks…the underside is really clean.
\nNow I need to go through the items I brought back from Colorado that were in my camper so I can figure out what I need to take and what can be put away. I leave two weeks from today. With all that’s going on with my loved ones, it’s hard to get excited about the trip. But, as one of my dearest friends told me earlier this week, my stories will be a distraction for her as she goes through her valley. I do hope they help.
\n❤️
\n“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”\n\n", "date_published": "2019-08-30T01:30:09-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/08/30/and-i-will-give-you.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","God","Wisdom","Fear","Courage","Change","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/08/29/grief-time-grief.html", "title": "GRIEF + TIME = grief", "content_html": "Matthew 11:28 NIV
![\"Grief](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/efad09dc8b.jpg\")
“Grief is a process that varies from person to person…but there are some general similarities.”
The other day I read a Tweet that stopped me in my tracks. A woman said she had cut her two best friends completely out of her life because in the entire year after her niece died, neither one of them bothered to check in with her. Her comment came after someone checked in…a full two years after her tragic loss. He texted her with a very simple message…
\n“I’m just checking in to see how you are coping after the death of your niece.”
\nSimple. To the point. And, so welcomed it brought her to tears.
\nIt prompted me to reflect. When was the last time I checked in with my friends who have lost loved ones? I get so wrapped up in my “work”, my “ministry”, with the bereaved, I forget to reach out and connect myself sometimes.
\nLast night I spent a good two hours writing quick texts to several of my peeps who had lost someone significant in the last couple of years. I heard back from them and the response was universal…”You have no idea what it means to have someone remember to ask how I’m doing!” “Thank you SO much for checking in…it means so much to me!” “My own kids don’t even want to listen!”
\nIt’s true…once a “reasonable amount of time” passes, people move on with their lives. And, unless they have been bereaved, they may not understand that you haven’t. I remember how I felt abandoned. Like no one cared anymore. That isn’t true, of course. They just don’t have a point of reference for the depth of your pain and…it would scare the crap out of them if they believed that depth of pain could possible last more than a few months.
\nThere is no way to compare your own experience with that of another. Your grief is different than my grief. And it doesn’t matter how your person died…your grief is the worst grief ever because it is your own. But truly, I’m here to tell you, there is some grief that I cannot begin to imagine. Like the mother whose son was murdered by terrorists and left to die on the roadside. Or the mother whose daughter was found dead three days after a heroin overdose. Or the wife who returned from the grocery store to find her husband dead on the back porch from a self-inflicted gunshot wound.
\nThere are so many stories in the work that I do. It breaks my heart into little pieces. And, it makes me think, “If he had to die, at least it wasn’t like that!” I find myself feeling grateful it was “only a heart attack.” I didn’t have to watch him slowly fade away from the ravages of cancer.
\nAs I talked to my friend whose son was killed a little over a year ago, I thought back over the years since Mr. Virgo died. And, while there isn’t some neat and tidy delineation from year to year, there is some general sense of first, second, third, etc.
\nThe first year is such a fog. You are numb. You are just trying to get the next thing done, the next paper filed, the next account closed. Closet? Check. Accounts? Check. Cellphone? Check. The first year becomes a blur…a cross between busy and madness.
\nThe second year can be surprisingly rough…like you are standing in high tide during a storm surge. Your footing shifts like the sand beneath you in the ocean. Each wave hitting you blindly, knocking you beneath the surface. And…you can’t swim. Not even close.
\nAt some point along the way…you hear it. A little snippet of music. A little bubble of laughter. A little glimmer of color peeking through a stormy sky. And that’s when the tides begin to shift a little. The waves not quite so hard. Or…maybe we’ve become better swimmers.
\nFor me, the third year gave me a little breathing room. It was a period of exploration and self-discovery. A time of reaching out and stretching beyond my past and stepping a bit more boldly into the future.
\nThe fourth, and beyond, found me building a boat to carry me over the waves till the next storm comes.
\nI listened intently to my friend sharing her grief. I asked questions. I resisted the urge to share my experiences except to say the occasional “Yes! I get that…I felt that, too!” It was amazingly comforting to me when I found others shared some of the same things I was experiencing. At some point in our conversation, she asked…
\n”How is your life?”
\n“I feel bad sharing how wonderful my life is when yours sucks so terribly,” I said.
\n“No…don’t ever feel bad about that! Your story gives me hope!”
\nAnd that…in a nutshell…is what keeps me going. It keeps me telling stories…even when you hurt…even when I hurt. Because life keeps going on around us whether our sense of time has stopped or whether death has taken the joy from our hearts. I write about Jesus and faith. I write about grief. I write about pain. I write about love and joy and rocking babies. I write about travel, and camping, and becoming strong. I write about farms and mowing and fried green tomatoes. I write about life and all it’s little bits…both good and bad.
\nBut mostly…I write about hope.
\n❤️
\n“You are my refuge and my shield; your word is my source of hope.”\n\n", "date_published": "2019-08-29T01:30:48-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/08/29/grief-time-grief.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Love","God","Wisdom","Fear","Courage","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/08/28/when-bad-things-happenlean-in.html", "title": "When Bad Things Happen...Lean In Closer", "content_html": "Psalms 119:114 NLT
![\"Prayers\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/061a136b6d.jpg\")
“Thank you so much for all of your prayers. I am so grateful.”
Since June, there has been one catastrophic event after another befall my friends and family. Cancer, Stillbirth, Mental Heath Crises, Accidents, Illness, Death. One after another after another. I’ve heard it said “Bad things happen in threes.” Try three TIMES three…and then some!
\nI once read the book “When Bad Things Happen to Good People” by Harold Kushner. The author is a Conservative Rabbi and the book addressed the long standing debate: If God is loving and caring, how can so many bad things happen to good people? While the book was written in 1981, I turned to it in 2001 after 9/11.
\nI had a difficult time reconciling a loving, omnipresent Deity “allowing” something so heinous to happen to thousands of innocent people. No doubt, people who loved Him, and worshiped Him whose only fault of the day was being in the wrong place at the wrong time.
\nI must admit, I was not yet a Christian on 9/11. It would be another three years before I took that leap of faith and surrendered to a God so much bigger than me. I was full of righteous anger that a “loving God” would allow this to happen. I could not wrap my head around it. I went to a psychiatrist and asked him for guidance. I was given a version of “these things happen”. Then I went to a Rabbi and asked him, “Where was God today???”
\n“He was there,” he said. “He was under the desks with the mothers as they called frantically to tell their loved ones goodbye. He was in the stairwells with the brave men who were helping the injured trying to escape the chaos. He was with the First Responders as they rushed into the flaming buildings, knowing full well they may not come back out alive. And many did not.
\nHe was on the planes with the terrified passengers and crew members. He held steady those that made a mad rush on the terrorists over Pennsylvania. He was with the unsuspecting workers in the Pentagon and the Towers. God was everywhere, crying out in anguish as life after life was snuffed out.
\nGod does not punish us with cruelty. He does not take pleasure in our pain. But what He DOES do is turn those terrifying moments into opportunities to lean into Him. To call out for Him. To have faith that, even in the darkest moments, He never forsakes us.
\nAnd that brings me to the events that have cast a shadow over my circle of friends and family…those I hold most dear and those whom I only know through others. We ask ourselves why these things happen, one on top of the other and the only answer there could be is…this is the nature of life.
\nAs Stephen Colbert so eloquently stated on the subject of grief and the loss of his father and two brothers in a plane crash when he was ten: about learning to “love the thing that I most wish had not happened.” He went on to say: “It’s a gift to exist and with existence comes suffering. There’s no escaping that. What do you get from loss? You get awareness of other people’s loss, which allows you to connect with that other person, which allows you to love more deeply and to understand what it’s like to be a human being if it’s true that all humans suffer.”
\nI hate that my loved ones and friends are suffering. I wish I could take that pain away from them. But, if by doing so, I would rob them of the awareness of other people’s loss and subsequent connection with them, then I am denying them their humanness…their connectedness. I would rob them of the opportunity to love more deeply and to truly understand what it’s like to be human.
\nWhat I CAN do for them is to be there for them, to hold a sacred, safe space for them to come to and grieve. And I can encourage them to seek a closer relationship with their higher power, which for me personally is God.
\nOur pastor said something the other day that struck me. I’m paraphrasing, but it went something like this: When disaster strikes you and you wail in your grief, this is normal. But lean in very close and put your ear to God’s lips and listen.
\nHe is closest to the brokenhearted.
\n❤️
\n“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.”\n\n", "date_published": "2019-08-28T01:30:30-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/08/28/when-bad-things-happenlean-in.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","God","Wisdom","Fear","Choices","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/08/21/always-choose-joy-unless-you.html", "title": "Always Choose Joy. Unless You Can’t...", "content_html": "Psalms 34:18 NLT
![\"Compassion](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/7ff59e4aca.jpg\")
“Here’s to the compassionate people!”
I’ve been on a JOY kick all year. Ok. I get it. I just got married in October and I’m full of the feels. But yesterday, I got a reminder that sometimes…no matter how much you WANT to…joy eludes you for an indeterminate amount of time.
\nI belong to a few widow’s support groups on Facebook. I have cockily thought to myself from time to time that I certainly don’t NEED a widow’s support group anymore. That is, until I DO. Then I am ever so grateful for those who share and lift each other up, no matter where they land on the grief/time continuum.
\nThere have been times when I read about the desperate sadness we as the bereaved quite normally go through and my heart breaks for them. I think of all the times I didn’t think I could go on. I think of all the wonderful people who supported and loved me through the most horrific event I have experienced up to this moment in time. There were people I didn’t even know…you readers…who lifted me and helped me move forward, even as I tried to lift others.
\nBut yesterday there was a post that garnered a good deal of pushback and it gave me pause. Basically, this person was saying…just choose joy. That’s a gross simplification, but that was the bottom line. Just choose joy. It made me think about my cheerleading and jumping on the JOY TRAIN and how it may seem dismissive of those who are still in the active throes of grief.
\nIt’s damned hard to find joy when the person who was so much your SOURCE of joy is no longer here. I know this in the core of my being. When I was in my darkest dark place in grief, I truly felt I would never find a glimmer of happiness in this lifetime again…let alone JOY. And yes…you DO have to make a lot of choices in this new normal. One of them is choosing to keep living. Choosing to keep trying. Choosing to keep moving forward no matter HOW hard it is or lonely or heart breaking.
\nWe choose to do this for others….our kids, our parents, our friends…even our person who “would want me to live my life”. Eventually, it is my fervent HOPE that we choose to do this for ourselves.
\nI have been guilty of using the word “choose” a little too blithely, I’m afraid. And if I have, and it has caused you pain, may I offer my humblest apologies. It is not easy to choose when you are in overwhelming pain. It’s not that I forgot this…but maybe I push it a bit too far out of reach to mentor as effectively as I would like to.
\nI want you to have hope. I want you to find joy. I want you to experience good things in your life again. I know it CAN happen…I’m proof. It just needs to happen in its own time. And when you DO experience what passes as joy, it may not look the same as someone else’s and that’s ok. I just wanted you to know…I haven’t forgotten those of you whose hearts are so incredibly crushed. I will strive to always hold a sacred space for you here.
\n❤️
\n“My comfort in my suffering is this: Your promise preserves my life.”\n\n", "date_published": "2019-08-21T01:30:25-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/08/21/always-choose-joy-unless-you.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Strong Women","Hope","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","God","Wisdom","Fear","Courage","Choices","Change","Widow","Starting Over"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/08/19/bowling-season-has-begun.html", "title": "Bowling Season Has Begun", "content_html": "Psalm 119:50 NIV
![\"Pink](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/6b37139a13.jpg\")
“Pink roses and strawberries…and bowling season. Somebody loves me!”
Mr. FixIt is an avid bowler. He’s been on two bowling leagues for the last thirty-five years and he enjoys it immensely. He has friends there. He has ample opportunity to talk. It’s his guy time. And, I enjoy having a couple of evenings a week to do whatever I want to do as well. Honestly, I fell asleep late in the afternoon and didn’t hear him leave. When I woke up, I caught up with my Sunday evening phone calls and chats so it was a relaxing evening.
\nWhen he arrived home, he went into the kitchen to fix something to eat and we were trying to carry on a conversation while I was in the family room. He called out, “You know…I could hear you better if you were in here with me.” Of course! Sometimes we get so wrapped up in what we’re doing, we forget the basic manners and niceties we should offer those we love most.
\nI walked into the kitchen and there on the counter was a dozen pink roses and two cartons of fresh strawberries! I am always thunderstruck when he surprises me with these lovely unexpected gifts of love.
\nI looked at him and smiled. “What’s this?”
\n“It’s been a little while since I brought you flowers. It was time.” He smiled back.
\nWhat goodness this is…this life that is sweeter than any red strawberry…softer than any pink rosebud. This is a blessing. This is God’s gift to me. This man who lifts me up and celebrates who I am. Who cheers me on and encourages me to explore and be everything I can be. This man who holds my hand in church and prays alongside me. Who holds me and comforts me when I am sick or sad. I only pray I give him this same love back every day of my life.
\nThere was so much sadness in my life after Mr. Virgo died. I swore I would never fall in love…never remarry…because the thought of going through that again was too much to bear. Then color came back into my life. And I could hear music and I could breathe and somehow I knew I could love again. I don’t know how long we have together…but it’s bowling season and I have strawberries and pink roses and my life is good.
\n❤️
\n“Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.”\n\n \n", "date_published": "2019-08-19T01:30:06-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/08/19/bowling-season-has-begun.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Positive Energy","Fun","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Aging","Choices","Change","Be Joyful!","Widow","Marriage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/08/17/running-on-empty.html", "title": "Running on Empty", "content_html": "Matthew 5:4 NIV
![\"Surge](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/961bccd765.jpg\")
“Something’s going on with my electric supply.”
I thought I was tired Thursday night! Then yesterday hit. It started out when I got an e-mail reminding me there was a form I was supposed to send on Monday! With going to the farm, then coming back to company, smoking what feels like half a pig and processing it, I totally spaced getting that form sent.
\nI didn’t have ink in my printer, of course. So I ran to town and had the form printed at Office Depot. I took a photo of it and sent it to them, but got another e-mail that it wasn’t adequate. So, when I got home, I popped the original in an envelope and took it to the post office. I got home and Mr. FixIt asked if we got any mail. Now that I thought of it, we hadn’t received any mail since we returned from Colorado over a week ago and that’s highly unusual. I drove BACK to town to the post office again and they aren’t holding the mail. Crazy that we haven’t received even an ad. That never happens!
\nAs soon as I got home the second time, I hopped on the riding mower and four hours later, in 92 degree heat, I was finished. By this time, we had more company. I quickly changed and hopped in the pool for a refreshing dip. Everyone left to go to the pizza place and to get ice cream, but I elected to stay home. I’d had too much heat and I didn’t feel terrific.
\nI went out to hook big TOW-Wanda up to the electric. I used a new extension cord and the same outlet I’ve used before. When I plugged in the Surge Protector, it said the ground was open. Then when I plugged in the camper, it said there was Reverse Polarity. That means a line in the outlet is switched, but that can’t be because no one has been here or done anything to our electric. As I was pulling the electrical cord out, there were lots of wasps flying around the opening so they’ve built a nest in there. Our grandson used the last of the wasp spray yesterday when he was helping Mr. FixIt so that has to wait. However, when I was pulling the cord out, it got stuck. I pulled and pulled with all my might. It suddenly let go and threw me backwards where I landed on my elbow and smacked the back of my head. I’m really careful about hitting my head since I had the car accident in 2017, but I think the only thing that was bruised was my pride. And a little scrape on my elbow.
\nOur grandson and his family are going back home today so things should settle a little bit. I still need to clean the smoker out. I asked Mr. FixIt if I could use the power washer but he said since it’s electric, it probably wouldn’t be a very good idea. Poo. I think it sounds like an excellent idea…as long as I don’t have it plugged in. But then again…I can’t figure out the plug-in for the camper, so maybe he’s right.
\nI have a prayer request a day early…please keep my brother-friend in your prayers. He had a frightening medical emergency the other day. It could have been so much worse. Just lift him up for complete healing, please!
\nLast night was just one of those moments I’ve only seemed to have since Mr. Virgo died. I get to where I’m running on empty and I think, “Please, just don’t give me one more thing to handle today, Lord…I’m at the end of my rope.” Then, when I get off to myself and have a moment to catch my breath, I remind myself…when I’m at the end of my rope, God ties a knot in it so I don’t fall off. There is less of “me” at the end of that rope, therefore…there is more of God.
\n❤️
\n““You’re blessed when you’re at the end of your rope. With less of you there is more of God and his rule.”\n\n", "date_published": "2019-08-17T01:30:59-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/08/17/running-on-empty.html", "tags": ["Family","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Grace","God","Wisdom","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/08/15/the-metamorphosis-of-grief.html", "title": "The Metamorphosis of Grief", "content_html": "Matthew 5:3 MSG
![\"Country](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/324ad776d1.jpg\")
“The Farm. Clockwise from top left: Drying the laundry on the front porch is a country thing, Elderberries, A Rose of Sharon appeared from nowhere, Life is Simple, An Appalachian Pour Over, Blue granite pan used for dipping water out of the rain barrel.
Living in the country, you see many examples of metamorphosis. Where there once was a hairy caterpillar, there becomes a moth. Where there once was a striped green worm with a spiky tail, noshing on a milkweed leaf, there becomes a monarch butterfly. Where there once was a grub with legs, crawling up a tree and developing a hard shell, it soon splits and a locust emerges to call in the autumn season…signaling it’s time for school to start.
\nJust as there is a time for everything in its season, so it is with grief. I was thinking about this yesterday while I was trimming back the wild grape vines threatening to overtake the farm. When this blog began, I was fresh in my grief. I promised you then I would be honest and speak to you from my heart about exactly what it was like…at least for me…to go through the loss of my husband. There were times when it was so painfully ugly that it had to be difficult to read. Yet, so many of you have been here from the very beginning.
\nThis blog goes through a metamorphosis every time something changes in my life. What started out as a method of pouring out my pain, morphed into learning how to navigate that. It changed and grew just as I changed and grew. It’s not just a grief blog, although there are hundreds of posts in the archives about grief. There was a time, when my grief had subsided to a nagging undercurrent, when I thought maybe I should just quit and make it all about grief. Just leave it there. But I couldn’t stop writing.
\nWriting became a part of me…as much a part of me as my hands and feet, my heart and lungs. So I decided to take you with me when I traveled, when I stepped into the dating arena, when I got married. I thought…ok, maybe I’m done now. Maybe I’ll just stop here. But, I kept living…and each new day brought a new experience, a new insight, and new lesson. And it became my devotional.
\nIn a good cake recipe, bland ingredients like flour get mixed with sweet ingredients like sugar and butter. If baked with nothing else added, you wouldn’t have cake…you’d have some hard, flat, dry cardboard. But add eggs and leavening….take your time….and mix it well….and it rises high and beautiful. My life…my stories…my experiences are the flour and sugar. The scripture at the bottom of each post…illustrating my thinking in that particular moment…that’s the leavening. The eggs. The ingredient that makes the finished product perfect.
\nI know it’s not a grief blog so much anymore, even though I touch on the topic from time to time. That’s the nature of metamorphosis. Things are always changing…even grief. The numbing pain of the first year, the sharp pain of the second year, the personal growth of my third year, the stretching of my wings in the fourth, the explorations of the fifth, and finally…being remarried in the sixth…my grief has gone through its own metamorphosis and has settled into an undercurrent. A background noise that I have become accustomed to, yet it’s still very much there.
\n❤️
\n“And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit.”\n\n", "date_published": "2019-08-15T01:30:57-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/08/15/the-metamorphosis-of-grief.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Positive Energy","West Virginia","The Farm","Growth","New Ideas","Gratitude","God","Wisdom","Aging","Change","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/08/03/basking-in-the-glow-of.html", "title": "Basking in the Glow of Family", "content_html": "2 Corinthians 3:18 ESV
![\"Sunset](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/b7073fee5b.jpg\")
“The sun goes down on the evening before my baby’s wedding. My heart is full!”
Last night was amazing. Every fear and trepidation I had beforehand dissipated as soon as we pulled into the driveway at Hubby #2’s house. He was so gracious, as was his wife. Their house is stunning. Their dogs are the sweetest things. Daughter #1 and her family were there when we arrived and soon after, my sister- and brother-in-law arrived from Utah. Oh, my gosh! It was so exciting to see them all!
\nJust before dinner, my daughter and her fiancée arrived and we were a complete family. My brother enjoyed everyone and joined in the conversations. It really was perfect. What I learned from this: When you hand things over to God to take care of…you have to let go of it. I knew as I was driving over from Glenwood Springs…this was going to be good. This was going to be very, very good.
\nAfter dinner, Daughter #2 came to me and said, “Mama…I have something for you to do tomorrow. You’re in charge of this…and making sure he has a seat at my wedding.”
\nWith that she handed me a framed photo of Mr. Virgo. She was very close to her stepfather and losing him was so hard on her. The suddenness of seeing his smiling face…so totally unexpected…took my breath away and I started crying. I wasn’t the only one. It was a very special moment and it still makes me tearful as I write this. What a beautiful gesture…what a beautiful God moment….what love…what treasures I have in this family.
\nMy baby is getting married today. My heart is so full! Thank you Jesus for every gift you have given me in this life!
\n❤️
\n“Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm; for love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame. Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot sweep it away. If one were to give all the wealth of one’s house for love, it would be utterly scorned.”\n\n", "date_published": "2019-08-03T01:30:27-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/08/03/basking-in-the-glow-of.html", "tags": ["Faith","Colorado","Family","Travel","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Strong Women","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Forgiveness","Courage","Choices","Be Joyful!","Widow","Marriage","Wedding"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/08/02/no-worse-for-the-wear.html", "title": "No Worse for the Wear", "content_html": "Song of Songs 8:6-7 NIV
![\"Old](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/80978dfcd7.jpg\")
“While once sleek and shiny, these vehicles still hold a deep beauty.”
We left Ridgway yesterday saying goodbye to our friends, Linda and Jim. We both choked up…goodbyes have always been difficult for me ever since I lost Mr. Virgo. We just don’t know if and when we will meet again and it tears at my heartstrings. I know Linda loves Colorado, but deep down, she has that Ohio farm girl in there somewhere. I loved watching her as she listened to Mr. FixIt’s unmistakable West Virginia accent and she was transported back over the years and the miles to the home of her youth.
\nEven though we didn’t go to the same high school with Linda, we know many of the same people…one of whom is Jeff. He and his wife Julie moved to the Ridgway area a couple of years ago. It’s funny how the webs of friendship cross over. Linda and Jeff were both friends with Cindy (a girl from my class) and that’s how they connected. I am friends with Cindy and that’s how Linda connected with me and the connection with Jeff was made through Linda and because he was on the boy’s gymnastics team while I competed with the girl’s team the same year. And….Mr. FixIt was on that same team with Jeff! See what a teeny tiny world it is? Jeff and Julie joined us for dinner at Linda’s Wednesday night. Mr. FixIt hadn’t seen Jeff in forty-eight years. There were lots of stories and laughs and we all had a grand time.
\nWe drove north out of Ridgway, through Montrose and Olathe (home of Olathe Sweet Corn) and on to Delta. I kept my eyes peeled for a place I found when I was on “The Grand Adventure”…that three month odyssey into the wilderness and backroads after Mr. Virgo died. It’s just a vacant lot on the main drag that’s filled with old, broken down cars and trucks. I don’t know why it attracted me that first time, but I couldn’t wait to show Mr. FixIt.
\nWe were almost to our turnoff to head east over McClure Pass when I saw them. Red vehicles…either from the faded and flaked paint or the rust beneath. Some had their hoods strapped down. Others had holes in the glass from years of being the target of vandals or the errant stone thrown back in the day when they motored down the highways of old. Mr. FixIt caught his breath.
\n“Oh, wow! Would you look at that!” A smile crept across his face and his eyes sparkled like a little boy who just found the coolest treasure stuck on a dusty shelf. I immediately pulled over and threw the truck in park. We jumped out and walked up and down the rows of derelict automobiles resting on their rims because of long ago rotted and airless tires. We peeked in through hazy windows at the scraps of stuffing clinging to the old and rusted springs of the seats inside.
\n“Oh, look! Is that a Nash? A Studebaker? What’s this one? Ford used to make a Cortina. Do you suppose that’s what this one is?” This went on and on as we dodged the large mud holes formed from the afternoon storms we’ve been getting and made our way through the maze of cars.
\nAs I looked at these rusted out hulks, I thought about beauty being in the eye of the beholder. I have to be perfectly honest…I’ve had some trepidation about the wedding this weekend. My daughter’s dad lives in a world I no longer belong to. He’s a doctor, and consequently lives like a doctor in a fine house. With fine friends. And a fine wife. Fine furnishings. Fine food. A fine life. I used to circle in that orbit, although I never really felt a part of that world, although I tried very hard to make myself fit in.
\nI have to admit. I’ve let myself be a little self conscious about my comfortable tummy and my jelly thighs and my granny-wing upper arms knowing ever so painfully how that was judged by those in that orbit. I’ve been praying about it a lot. And God whispered to me as I wandered amongst these vehicles what were once sleek and shiny and new.
\n“You don’t have to fear that world. You don’t have to feel bad for the way you fit in your body all comfy-like. You don’t have to concern yourself with what anyone else thinks of you….just remember I love you. Completely. Just the way you are. Just love them all the way I love you.”
\nYou see…the very act of feeling self conscious and judged puts me in a place where I’m being the judge. I don’t know what’s in their hearts and minds. A lot of water has gone under the bridge since those days so long ago when I circled around that orbit. It’s a foreign land to me now. I have no reason to feel “less than” anyone. I can walk right in, on the arm of a man I adore and who adores me right back. We’ve created a life that fits us perfectly and we’re perfectly happy.
\nIt’s all about love, trust, letting go, and letting God take care of the details. I’m comfortable in this life, this body…no matter where I go or who I run into. None of this is about me anyway. It’s totally about my daughter and her joy anyway. Yes…it’s all about love!
\n❤️
\n“Yet you, Lord, are our Father. We are the clay, you are the potter; we are all the work of your hand. Do not be angry beyond measure, Lord; do not remember our sins forever. Oh, look on us, we pray, for we are all your people.” Isaiah 64:8-9 NIV\n \n", "date_published": "2019-08-02T01:30:06-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/08/02/no-worse-for-the-wear.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Travel","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Positive Energy","West Virginia","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Forgiveness","Courage","Aging","Choices","Change","Be Joyful!","Widow","Wedding"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/07/29/abundance.html", "title": "Abundance", "content_html": "
![\"Weminuche](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/d11d631cee.jpg\")
“Heading into the Weminuche Wilderness”
Joyful abundance! Mr. FixIt is such a great traveler. I love showing him places he hasn’t seen. As a matter of fact, he told me the other night his neck hurts from swiveling back and forth, trying to take it all in. We arrived in Pagosa Springs on Friday afternoon. This is where Mr. Virgo and I lived in 2008. He was the General Manager for a 4200 acre luxury resort here and I did the marketing and catering. It was a short-lived position as our job was to try to turn their losses into profits and try as we might, it was not to be. This is the nature of being a fixer. If you can’t, they close and you lose your job. If you can, they sell and you lose your job. We didn’t really expect to be there long term.
\nPagosa Springs is a gorgeous area and I enjoyed the rugged beauty of it. I did not like the short summer, long winter, and gobs of snow. So I was just as happy to get out of there and move on. Still, it is someplace I wanted Mr. FixIt to see and experience. We went out for a wonderful breakfast yesterday morning then headed to the backroads. Mr. Virgo and I used to spend every day off exploring the many dirt roads in the Weminuche Wilderness. This is where I came when I started my grief journey in Little TOW-Wanda. I carried strands of Mr. Virgo’s silver hair into the dense woods above Williams Lake and buried them at the base of a tree, affixing a cross to mark the spot.
\nWe didn’t walk back into the woods yesterday. That wasn’t part of the deal. That was mine…my memory. As a matter of fact, as we drove deeper and deeper into the woods, I felt Mr. Virgo so strongly…as if he were gliding along with us. I told Mr. FixIt story after story. Here’s where we worked. Here’s where we shopped. Here’s where we loved to eat dinner. There’s the car wash where they had to unfreeze the doors so we could get out. That little bakery has the best pastries. This restaurant has the best coffee. My sweet husband held my hand and smiled and nodded and encouraged me to share because he knows this helps me heal and move forward.
\nThen…in the middle of the afternoon, we found out…great grandchild #3 is on the way!!! Another little boy…arriving in January!!!
\nMy heart is about to explode! THIS!!! This is what I so very nearly lost in January 2000 when I overdosed. At the time, my world was so small, so dark, so difficult and I couldn’t see anything beyond that darkness. And now…look at this! My world is so blessed with such abundance and joy, I can hardly contain myself! Babies! The Wedding! My sweet husband! My wonderful family! My health! My heart!
\nThank you…..thank you dearest Heavenly Father…for healing my family…for healing me…for giving me Mr. Virgo to show me I was worthy of earthly love…for giving me Mr. FixIt for helping me through the most difficult period of my life…and for this tremendous family, mine and his, that brings our numbers up and up and up! I’m so high on life, you have to scrape me off the clouds!
\n❤️
\n“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”\n\n", "date_published": "2019-07-29T01:30:54-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/07/29/abundance.html", "tags": ["Faith","Health","Family","Travel","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Hope","Positive Energy","Fun","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Forgiveness","Humbled","Aging","Change","Be Joyful!","Widow","Marriage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/07/25/a-glimpse-of-heaven.html", "title": "A Glimpse of Heaven", "content_html": "1 Corinthians 13:4-7 NIV
![\"A](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/feef1d3d12.jpg\")
“A Glimpse of Heaven in the Colorado Night Sky”
I knew this would happen. I blinked and a month flew by. I left on this journey exactly four weeks ago. Time is such a weird thing after loss. On the one hand…it flies. On the other…it stands still. I got some quality time with my Colorado family. Mr. FixIt has been here almost two weeks already. The package I’ve been expecting for my brother arrived yesterday so now we can pack up and go off on a little adventure on our own before the wedding.
\nGrandma L. is still hanging in there. She is such a strong woman. She rallies and fades, rallies and fades. They moved her from her apartment at assisted living to a skilled nursing facility on Monday. She had a dream on Tuesday night. At least, she thinks it was a dream. She was lying in bed and her legs felt like stone. But then, she was standing up…strong and vital. She looked around it was so glorious. She saw a crevice and knew she was supposed to jump over it. She knew she COULD. She didn’t see Grandpa right off, but she knew she could find him easily. Instead, she decided to come back and tell us all how absolutely peaceful and grand it is. I love that she could see it all so clearly and she isn’t afraid.
\nI know she might pass away while we are gone, but I didn’t want to wear her out by adding to the number of visitors going to see her. There are other closer relatives who need to spend time with her. I was able to hug on her last Saturday at her birthday party and she absolutely knows how I feel about her. Her absence will leave a gaping hole for quite some time in the lives of those who knew and loved her.
\nWe all went out for supper last night after they moved everything out of Grandma’s apartment at the assisted living place. There were twelve of us. As I walked back to the table with my food, I paused for a moment and gazed over this beautiful family my daughter was so fortunate to marry into. Another part of my bonus family. We are so blessed…with kids and their kids and us grandparents. We are becoming the matriarchs. I thought it would take longer.
\nMr. FixIt and I will head out today for a week of touring the state. We were supposed to do this with the camper, but it’ll all work out without it. I love showing him places he’s never been! So…here we go on another road trip, y’all. Hang on!
\n❤️
\n“Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.”\n\n", "date_published": "2019-07-25T01:30:08-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/07/25/a-glimpse-of-heaven.html", "tags": ["Faith","Colorado","Family","Travel","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Courage","Aging","Choices","Change","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/07/15/a-celebration.html", "title": "A Celebration", "content_html": "2 Corinthians 4:16-18 NIV
![\"Celebrating\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/2806442ba2.jpg\")
“Celebrating a love…and a life.”
When Mr. FixIt and I got married last October, it was really a rather spur of the moment decision. I didn’t wan’t my kids to have to spend money to come out for the wedding when we were planning a trip to Colorado this summer anyway. So, I told them we would just have a dinner together with those we love and celebrate that way.
\nYesterday was our day to celebrate our wedding with our Colorado peeps. Daughter #1 organized it and we had fourteen people over for the same menu we served at the actual wedding…pulled pork sandwiches, coleslaw, chips, and drinks. In lieu of a wedding cake, and the fact that we all need to fit in our pretty dresses in three weeks for Daughter #2’s wedding, we had fruit salad instead of cake.
\nIt was wonderful to have our loved ones around us. I really wanted them to spend some time with Mr. FixIt and get to know him better…and vice versa. It was such a lovely day and everyone had a great time. And, today is my daughter and son-in-law’s 24th Weddiing Anniversary! Remembering that beautiful day and hoping they have many, many more!
\nI am so blessed to have these wonderful people in my life.
\nI ended the day with a note of sadness, however. I found out a sweet friend of mine died after a ten year struggle with cancer. Rae Ann and I connected six years ago after I joined Sisters on the Fly. She was the only Sister in my area. Rae Ann had an infectious laugh, a gravely voice, and was the best storyteller. She could make your sides split without even trying. I had the very good fortune of camping with her several times. The last time was after she found out her cancer could not be cured. She taught me so much about living the life you have to the fullest. She was camping and kayaking up to the last couple of weeks of her life. She will be dearly missed by all who knew and loved her. Rest in peace, Rae Ann. You were a shining example of living in the moment and I celebrate your life today!
\n❤️
\n“Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have, for he has said, \"I will never leave you nor forsake you.\"”\n\n \n", "date_published": "2019-07-15T01:30:49-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/07/15/a-celebration.html", "tags": ["Colorado","Family","Strong Women","Sisters on the Fly","Positive Energy","Fun","Gratitude","Love","Peace","Wisdom","Warning","Choices","Change","Be Joyful!","Widow","Marriage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/07/13/revisiting-memories.html", "title": "Revisiting Memories", "content_html": "Hebrews 13:5 ESV
![\"Drum](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/e517053898.jpg\")
“Daughter #2…Marching to her own drum!”
When Daughter #2 was thirteen years old, she and I took off for a three week road trip. It was epic. She was not only in that early teenager mode. We were also working on repairing the damage done from years of depression and too many prescriptions and martinis…not to mention the overdose. It took a lot out of our relationship.
\nWhen I arrived in Denver this visit, the ultimate goal is the wedding. My baby is getting married. My little Moon Pie. Only, she’s a full grown woman…out on her own…thriving…dancing to her own drum, as always. We saw each other the day after I got here and spent several hours visiting and dining out. She made me promise we would do one special thing…just the two of us…before the wedding.
\nShe wanted to go antiquing.
\nI couldn’t believe my ears. Antiquing? This poor kid was dragged, kicking and screaming, into every antique store in West Virginia, I think. And several between there and Colorado. I loved going to antique stores. She did not. So, this was new. I asked her what brought on this miraculous transformation.
\n“I don’t know. Just…suddenly, I find myself looking at antiques online. For fun.”
\nLadies and gentleman…there IS life after adolescence!!!
\nSo, yesterday was our antiquing adventure. We started out by having lunch with Daughter #1, Big, and Little. Oh…if you have children, you know what that did to my heart…sitting there with my Colorado kids! ❤️melt After lunch, Daughter #2 and I went to the Brass Armadillo off I-70 and Kipling.
\nWe walked in and she stopped in her tracks. Her eyes widened, her mouth dropped open, and she gasped.
\n“This place is HUGE!”
\nYes, my girl…it is!
\nWe wandered around for three hours. She kept grabbing my arm and pulling me over to see this or that. Lots of oooohs and aaaahs and wows. Several times she wrapped her arms around me and hugged me tight and thanked me so much for doing this with her. That’s when I realized…this was SO much more than going to see a bunch of old stuff.
\nThis was a celebration. Of healing. Of love. Of warm memories shared. Even of forgiveness. This was a bonding ritual…something only she and I could share as the wedding rapidly approaches and her life is forever changed. This was incredibly special. And we enjoyed every minute of it.
\nWe didn’t get to see 1/4th of the store before we were both fried. We left arm in arm and headed out to the truck. I drove her back to her car. As she prepared to leave she reached over and kissed me on the cheek.
\n“Thank you, mamacita. That was so much fun!”
\nYou’re welcome, Moon Pie.
\n❤️
\n“Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from him.”\n\n", "date_published": "2019-07-13T01:30:54-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/07/13/revisiting-memories.html", "tags": ["Health","Family","Travel","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","Fun","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","Love","Peace","Wisdom","Forgiveness","Aging","Presence","Choices","Change","Be Joyful!","Widow","Wedding"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/07/12/saying-goodbye-to-towwanda.html", "title": "Saying Goodbye to TOW-Wanda!", "content_html": "Psalm 127:3 NIV
![\"Camper\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/3d31846cc1.jpg\")
“TOW-Wanda…being towed away to her new life with a boy.”
Night before last, I put the camper on Facebook Marketplace at 10:00. It sold in thirty minutes! And, there were thirty people right behind the guy I sold it to, ready to step up and pay cash. I was shocked. I was forthright in explaining the camper needed work or would be perfect for a backyard she shed, writer’s nook, guest quarters, or kids playhouse. Still, the price and “camper” were enough to bring everyone out of the woodwork seeking a deal.
\nThe first person who said he wanted it was a guy who just got married on the 8th. He was so excited to get the camper, he was knowledgeable and fully understood what it was going to take to get her fixed. He wanted to fix up TOW-Wanda so he could take his son camping. He took a picture and sent it to his dad. Then he FaceTimed with his son and I could hear their excitement.
\nThis guy knew campers. He knew what it would take to really fix her right. I am so glad about that because I was worried someone who didn’t really know about them might get it and not heed my warnings and try to tow it to the mountains. We had a long talk. We negotiated a price that was fair and acceptable to us both. I told him, I could see God’s hand all over this. For me…to learn a valuable lesson about inspecting campers well before you buy them. And for him…to affordably get into a camper that he has the skills to fix so that he can be a good dad to his son.
\nYes…I lost money on the deal. But, no one got hurt…just my pride. And there’s a little boy out there who is going to be one happy camper when he gets to go out in the mountains with his dad. There is no price tag on the making of a man.
\n❤️
\n“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”\n\n \n", "date_published": "2019-07-12T01:30:35-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/07/12/saying-goodbye-to-towwanda.html", "tags": ["Travel","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Positive Energy","TOW-Wanda!","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Peace","Wisdom","Courage","Humbled","Choices","Change","Be Joyful!","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/07/10/swift-water.html", "title": "Swift Water", "content_html": "Jeremiah 29:11 NIV
![\"Whitewater](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/36fcaba25c.jpg\")
“I enjoyed watching the kayakers at Eagle Water Park yesterday.”
When my brother told me he was going to be at the Day Program all day yesterday, I decided to stop in for a visit to see how he liked it. I needn’t have worried. The activity yesterday morning was drum circle. He has loved the drums ever since he was a little boy and asked Santa for a set of bongos. I enjoyed every minute watching him really get into the music and the rhythm. It was so much fun to see him enjoying himself.
\nI stopped at the cemetery on my way to town and visited with Mr. Virgo again. I was disappointed the night before at the state of the cemetery. The weeds were over your knees in some places. I was also disappointed there were no bluebirds. I always see bluebirds when I go and it wasn’t the same.
\nMike is the volunteer caretaker and usually keeps everything really well mowed and trimmed. This year, the rain and cool weather made everything grow so fast, it all got ahead of him. When I arrived there yesterday, he was mowing next to Mr. Virgo’s grave. Three years ago, when I visited the grave for the last time before I made West Virginia my permanent home, Mike was working on some new pine tree seedlings nearby. I went over and introduced myself. I slipped him a crisp $100 bill and asked him if he could keep watch over my husband’s grave for me because I wouldn’t be back for a year. Tears ran down his cheek when he saw the money and he shook my hand warmly.
\n“I’d be honored to.”
\nI have to say, there were a lot of weeds everywhere, but Mr. Virgo’s grave was neat and tidy. I called Mike over and thanked him profusely for his gentle care. We chatted for a good while as I pulled what little weeds there were. I laughed as I told him how Mr. Virgo would never pull the right plants when he worked in a flower bed because if it had a flower on it, it wasn’t a weed in his book.
\nAfter visiting with my brother, I decided to drive up the road toward Sunlight Ski area. That is where we first lived when we moved to Glenwood in 1986. We had a five bedroom log house on two acres. As I drove up the narrow blacktop, a wave of vivid memories washed over me and I let myself go back to that place in my mind…how it felt to be 33…young, fit, my whole life ahead of me. There were times in the past after the divorce from that marriage where letting myself feel that would have been unbearable. But yesterday was sweet. It was a warm, good memory of when Daughter #1 was Little’s age and I was a stay-at-home mom for the first time in her life.
\nOnce I’d seen all I needed to see, I headed for Denver. But, I kept being drawn to the river. I stopped at Grizzly Creek and watched a guy in a wetsuit swim out to the middle of the raging water to capture a runaway kayak. It was shocking how fast that water was. I could easily see how people could drown in situations like that.
\nI stopped at Eagle Water Park and watched kayakers battle the man made waves and rapids on the Eagle River. I ran into a guy that was camping in his truck and told me the clouds were actually angels and he had some really great pictures of them. I think maybe he’d been partaking in a little “herbal refreshment”, if you catch my drift.
\nMy next stop was Minturn. There used to be a really cute yarn shop there but it was gone. I went into a little antique store there and chatted with the owner for a while. I purchased a gift for my son-in-law’s birthday. The owner suggested if I had a few minutes to spare, I should go out behind her store and sit on one of the benches along the river and just enjoy…take a minute. I smiled because I’d been seeing signs all over Glenwood the last couple of days imploring people to slow down as they drive through town.
\nI went out back and watched a hawk hover on the warm wind currents over the river. The sun was warm on my skin and a soft breeze blew my hair across my face. I closed my eyes and listened to the white water rolling big rocks along the riverbed. When I looked across the river, my eyes wandered up the slope noting the incredible variety of wildflowers in full bloom. There was a cliff that ran along the roadside. In it, there was a large hole…a den, I’m sure. I wondered what creatures had called it home over the years.
\nI finally pulled myself away and got back on the road. It was going on 3:00 when I got to Vail. I’ll bet I haven’t been in Vail proper in twenty years. I pulled into the parking garage and wandered into the village. There were tourists everywhere, wandering around. I stopped and had a fabulous pizza for an early supper then got back on the road. I hit Denver at about 5:30, but most of the rush hour traffic was heading west.
\nIt was a beautiful day for a slow meander through the most amazing scenery. I arrived back at my little camper feeling as though I’d been gone a month instead of just a quick overnight. I felt good getting up there. I’ll be back to see my brother and take him with us to the wedding in a couple of weeks. Time is flying!
\n❤️
\n““But ask the animals, and they will teach you, or the birds in the sky, and they will tell you; or speak to the earth, and it will teach you, or let the fish in the sea inform you. Which of all these does not know that the hand of the Lord has done this? In his hand is the life of every creature and the breath of all mankind.”\n\n", "date_published": "2019-07-10T01:30:31-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/07/10/swift-water.html", "tags": ["Travel","Uplifting Stories","Fun","Gratitude","Peace","Choices","Be Joyful!","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/07/09/a-quick-road-trip.html", "title": "A Quick Road Trip", "content_html": "Job 12:7-10 NIV
![\"Grizzly](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/9699bc1563.jpg\")
“I stopped at Grizzly Creek to catch a shot of the runoff from the snowmelt.”
I decided to make a quick trip up to the mountains to see my brother yesterday. We only get to see each other a few short days when I come to Colorado every summer. Bless his heart…I felt he looked better this time than he did last summer. Although he uses a walker all the time now, he seemed stronger. He is shrinking with age and the first thing he always asks me is, “Are you getting taller???”
\nMy brother has cerebral palsy and some diminished intellectual capacity. His memory has never been very good and it’s only getting worse. He thought I hadn’t come to see him in years but I see him every summer. I told him I would try to figure out how to FaceTime with him. Computers are too complicated for him, but a friend told me about something called a “GrandPad”. I think it’s just for email and pictures though. It doesn’t do video chat. We’ll work something out.
\nI was a little saddened by the way this little town I lived in for so many years has grown. There were so many people there yet I saw just about all I wanted to see in a couple of hours. The traffic is terrible. It barely resembles the sleepy little cow town we moved to in 1986. The price of progress is often quality of life. Yes, there’s a lot to do now. But that means everyone and their brother wants to come do it. Good for the economy. Bad for the working person. The price of housing is astronomical.
\nI stayed with my good friend Terri last night. We’ve known each other for many, many years and she lives right around the corner from my old house. We drove by on our way to dinner. I had visited the cemetery earlier and talked with Mr. Virgo. I was a little distressed by the overgrown weeds up there. When I mentioned it to Terri later, she pointed out the vacant lots in the subdivision. The weeds and wild grasses are nearly three feet high in some places. Like much of the rest of the country, Colorado has had a very wet and cool year which promotes overgrowth. Then, when things get really hot and dry out in August, there’s a lot of fuel for wildfires. We pray a lot about that here.
\nMy brother has a full schedule today, so I’m going to head back to Denver. The title for the camper arrived yesterday so I’m going to finish emptying it out and preparing it to sell. Four more sleeps and my sweetheart arrives in Denver!
\n❤️
\n“Yet he has not left himself without testimony: He has shown kindness by giving you rain from heaven and crops in their seasons; he provides you with plenty of food and fills your hearts with joy.””\n\n \n", "date_published": "2019-07-09T01:30:18-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/07/09/a-quick-road-trip.html", "tags": ["Family","Travel","Positive Energy","Fun","Gratitude","Love","Peace","Wisdom","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/07/07/making-little-memories.html", "title": "Making “Little” Memories!", "content_html": "Acts 14:17 NIV
![\"Twin](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/dca5c9cc65.jpg\")
“Little’s nest in TOW-Wanda!”
Little is here! She has been at camp all week and we only saw each other for an hour after I arrived last Sunday. I spent a good deal of time with Big this week, so I could hardly wait till Little got back and came over to “camp” with me.
\nShe is my camper. No one else in my Colorado family is even remotely interested in camping. We had big plans to take the camper up in the mountains and stay a couple of days, but with the unfortunate demise of TOW-Wanda…we had to change plans.
\nI have the camper pulled around behind Ben & Sue’s house, underneath a locust tree. It doesn’t offer anything but a feeling of protection from the frequent hail storms we’ve had this week. I’m plugged into electric and water so I have all the comforts of home in my own little suite.
\nThis incarnation of TOW-Wanda has a queen sized bed with a memory foam mattress that is swoon worthy. It had a bunk bed over the queen bed that also had a memory foam mattress on it. I removed that because I couldn’t sit up without hitting my head. The little dinette collapses down to make a separate twin sized bed that uses the seat cushions for a mattress. Not comfortable for an adult, but just fine for a kid.
\nSince I’ll be selling this camper here, I went to Walmart yesterday and bought some plastic tubs with tight fitting lids. I spent a couple of hours yesterday taking things out of the camper and fitting them neatly into the storage bins and put them in the back of my truck underneath the tonneau cover. See? There’s a reason I got that before this trip!
\nWith all the extras removed, Little has plenty of room to stretch out and be comfortable while she camps with me. We went out for ribs last night. (Big is a vegetarian so Little and I have to get our carnivore cravings satisfied while her sister isn’t with us.) We had “Mamma Mia: The Movie” downloaded on the iPad to watch after dark.
\nI don’t get to see my Colorado grands very often…so when I do, I need to make deep and lasting memories with them. Camping with Little last night. Shopping with Big this afternoon. Life is so good!
\n❤️
\n“Children’s children are a crown to the aged, and parents are the pride of their children.”\n\n \n", "date_published": "2019-07-07T01:30:08-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/07/07/making-little-memories.html", "tags": ["Colorado","Family","Travel","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Positive Energy","TOW-Wanda!","Camping","Fun","Gratitude","Comfort","goRVing","Love","Peace","Wisdom","Presence","Choices","Be Joyful!","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/06/30/americas-bread-basket-is-baking.html", "title": "America’s Bread Basket is Baking!", "content_html": "Proverbs 17:6 NIV
![\"Snaps](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/4eae21c471.jpg\")
“Clockwise from top left: My rig in the summer sun in Kansas, the long straight stretch that is Kansas…look how green!, my digital laser thermometer that I use to check my hub temperatures at every stop, me looking decidedly fresher in the AM than I was by evening!”
You know you are getting into farm and ranch land when you start seeing billboards advertising bovine genetics and DEKALB seed corn. I left the Lazy Day Campground in Danville, Missouri yesterday morning about 8:00. It was a very long, very HOT day. A section of I-70 was closed at Kansas City so I took the recommended detour. I recognized it as the route I usually take anyway to avoid downtown. There is one interchange on the interstate near the city where you have to get from the right hand side onramp to a left hand side exit in less than 1/4 mile. Pulling a camper makes that a real challenge, let me tell you!!! At least it wasn’t with big TOW-Wanda on a Friday night at rush hour. We have to look for the little things!
\nWhen I was emptying the tanks on the camper before I left yesterday, it wasn’t 8:00 yet and the sun would take the hide right off of you. The temperature quickly soared to the high 90’s and by the time I was halfway through Kansas, it was 100. The low was only expected to go down to 80 so I stopped and got a hotel room. When I first got in the room, I cranked up the air conditioner and stretched out on the bed. I texted Mr. FixIt and said, “I am NEVER doing this again!!!” He texted back that I don’t have to. I’m holding him to it!
\nOk, it was the third day. It was hard. It was hot. I was tired and probably a little hungry and dehydrated. And knowing I have over 350 more miles to go had me feeling really sorry for myself there for a few minutes. But, once I rested for a while and got something to eat and drink, I felt a ton better. When I stop tonight, it’s going to be at my son-in-law’s parents’ house so I’ll be with family. It’s going to take me a week to rest up and acclimate to the altitude. Mr. FixIt will join me on the 13th so that time will pass quickly.
\nI had a lot of time to think about this as I was driving yesterday. I don’t like being this far away from Mr. FixIt. I thought about that from every angle. I asked myself if it was co-dependency. I don’t think it’s that at all. I do all kinds of things without him and I don’t need to be attached at the hip. I talked with my dear friend Deneene about this last night. She lost her husband unexpectedly about a year after Mr. Virgo died. She is also recently remarried. We decided it’s not co-dependency at all. It’s the fact that we KNOW what can happen and how quickly it can come. I don’t think it’s that I’m doing something without him. It’s that I’m doing something so far away from him and I can’t get to him quickly. THAT I don’t like at all.
\nStill, it is fun in many ways. I’ve seen some beautiful countryside. The sky was blue and wide open. I’ve forgotten what that looks like living in West Virginia. (I took the picture while driving but my phone was in a cradle and all I did was touch the screen. No eyes off the road for me!) I don’t have anything pressing to do once I get to Denver so I can relax and catch up on my rest, keep myself really hydrated to counteract the altitude, knit, write, and visit with my Colorado peeps. I could not believe how green Kansas is. They had the same long, drawn out, wet spring everyone else had. It is so hard to believe the temperature is in the high 90’s in Colorado and one week ago they had two feet of snow. Crazy weather!
\nOh, see that picture bottom right? That’s my digital laser thermometer. After burning up an axle in Indiana two summer ago, I check my hubs religiously…every time I stop and get out of the truck. I know you can just put your hand down there and feel if it’s hot, but how hot is too hot and if it IS that hot, you’ll burn the heck out of your hand. I keep watch on it and it’s always between 100-110. That’s perfect. If it goes up, it means the bearings need grease.
\nWell, I’m on the last leg of this Grand Adventure. The last leg of the first part of it, anyway! It’s just me and Jesus…making our way west!
\n❤️
\n“….“The Lord watch between you and me, when we are out of one another’s sight.”
\nGenesis 31:49 ESV
\n#Separation, #Marriage, #Adventure
\n", "date_published": "2019-06-30T01:30:10-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/06/30/americas-bread-basket-is-baking.html", "tags": ["Faith","Travel","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Positive Energy","TOW-Wanda!","Camping","The Grand Adventure","Fun","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Wisdom","Fear","Courage","Aging","Choices","Change","Widow","Marriage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/06/29/travel-lotsa-learnin-goin-on.html", "title": "Travel: Lotsa Learnin’ Goin’ On Here!", "content_html": "![\"Good](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/b74762fda5.jpg\")
“I use a French press a lot when I camp. I have a manual grinder, too.”
So, yesterday morning I took my time waking up. I do that when I travel. My Bible app has a year long study where you read the whole bible in a year. With the trip to Florida, being sick, and getting ready for this trip, I was thirteen days behind. I don’t like to get behind on that one because there’s a good deal to read every day. I spent a little extra time reading while I enjoyed a tasty cup of coffee. I chatted with Mr. FixIt for a while. I finally got on the road about 10:00.
\nThe drive was uneventful. I usually drive in silence because I do my best thinking when I drive. But I wanted to listen to music so I pulled into a rest area and tried to figure out how to connect my phone to the sound system on the truck. It took me a few tries but soon I was bebopping down the highway listening to some praise music.
\nAround 3:00, I pulled into another rest area and stretched out in front of my hillbilly air conditioner again. When I was almost to St. Louis, Mr. FixIt called. We were chatting as the GPS took me around the city. Still…it was 5:00…on a Friday…in June! Heck of a time to go through there. I wasn’t on the phone long because I needed to concentrate.
\nSuddenly, two things happened. I noticed the sky got really dark all of a sudden. And, Mavis…my GPS persona…announce I-70 was closed. Closed? Are you kidding me? How do you close a whole interstate. I had to make some quick decisions but the weather did it for me. The sky opened and I was suddenly driving through what looked like a car wash.
\nI quickly pulled off the highway and into a Denny’s parking lot. I ran through the rain and jumped in the camper. I pulled my vegetable lasagna out of my 12v slow cooker and ate dinner while I watched both an amazing lightning show as well as a band of bright red storms march toward me on the Weather Channel radar.
\nI looked through the Good Sam Camping Guide and found a campground on the other side of St. Louis. I called and they had one site left. I should have called yesterday morning but I honestly forgot it was Friday. I seldom make reservations when I travel and so far I have never lacked a place to stay.
\nBefore long, the storm was past me and I got back behind the wheel. The detour took about an hour because it was bumper to bumper stop and go traffic for 19 miles. I arrived at the campground and registered. They showed me to my site and it’s perfectly lovely. When I was at Walmart yesterday, I bought a replacement shower head for my camper. I installed it after I arrived last night. Easy peasy. And, the hot water heater worked! Imagine that! We hadn’t even tried it out yet.
\nAs soon as I could, I jumped in that teeny tiny little shower. It was easier to FIX the shower than it was to TAKE one! Once I was all done, I felt like a million bucks. If you look at the map, I am almost exactly at the halfway point. That’s great…but I still have a long way to go! I’m not going to try to make it to Colorado tomorrow. I’ll take it easy and stop in western Kansas or eastern Colorado.
\nLearned a lot of things today. 1) Make reservations if your camping on a Friday. 2) Pay closer attention to the calendar. 3) Check further ahead for weather and road conditions. 4) Changing a shower head is easy. 5) Listening to praise music is a great prep tool for stressful circumstances!
\nEnjoy your Saturday!
\n❤️
\n“Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.”\n\n \n", "date_published": "2019-06-29T01:30:17-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/06/29/travel-lotsa-learnin-goin-on.html", "tags": ["Travel","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Positive Energy","TOW-Wanda!","Gratitude","Grace","Peace","Wisdom","Fear","Courage","Humbled","Aging","Presence","Choices","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/06/28/road-trip-cant-keep-a.html", "title": "Road Trip: Can’t Keep a Good Gal Down!", "content_html": "James 1:2-4 ESV
![\"A](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/e7be9cfe72.jpg\")
“A Shady Spot”
If you would have asked me at 10:00 Wednesday night, I would have told you (as I told you this morning) there was NO WAY I was going to leave for Colorado yesterday morning. Ahhhh…but, once I got past the icky stomach, took my tummy medicine, and slept a solid eight hours, it was a whole different ballgame.
\nBecause I was getting up and down, I slept in the guest room so I wouldn’t wake up Mr. FixIt. I awoke before dawn…around 5:00…and felt great. I read my devotionals and caught up on some correspondence then my sweetheart came to check on me around 7:00. I met him with a big smile and said I was good to go! He smiled back with relief. He doesn’t like it when I’m sick anymore that the other way around.
\nIt took a couple of hours to finish packing the truck and camper and I was on the road by 9:00. My first stop was Walmart to pick up a few things. I had some things to return. I got back to the camper and put away my purchases and got in the truck. There were my return items sitting on the front seat. Oy! I really didn’t want to cart them to Colorado so I went back in and stood in a long, slow line. But, it’s done and I was out before too long.
\nThe next and final stop was gas and a great big drink to stay hydrated on my trip. The young gal behind the counter was very excited because she is leaving on vacation today. Her very first camping trip! Well, I turned right back around and talked with her for awhile! I sure hope she has a grand time and decides to keep right on camping! Those first few camping trips are critical. You’ll either love it or hate it.
\nIt was really hot yesterday and about midway through my drive, I pulled over into a rest area to stretch out on my bed. Well, it was over 90 degrees! Of course, when you pull into a rest area, there’s no electricity, so no AC. You need to improvise. The last time I drove cross country alone, I stopped in Kansas for a rest and needed to do something to cool off. I had a tiny little battery fan and a cold pack from the freezer. It worked ever so slightly, but it wasn’t long before the cold pack was melted and that was the end of that.
\nWhen I was at Walmart yesterday, I bought two 10” fans that are powered by fan and batteries. I’ve also taken to carrying a very large bottle of water that I keep in the freezer of the camper. Went I stretched out on my bed yesterday, I sat the large frozen container in a basin and put the fan behind it. I also had three water bottles I had frozen. I set them up in front of the other fan. I positioned myself in front of the cool air and had a lovely mini siesta. Perfect! I popped all the bottles back in the freezer before I pulled back on the highway.
\n![\"Hillbilly](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/32137ec665.jpg\")
“Hillbilly Air Conditioner!”
That right there is a little hillbilly ingenuity. Appalachians are a resourceful lot. I arrived at my favorite little campground in Richmond, Indiana at around 5:30…had supper from my slow cooker and enjoyed the beautiful surroundings as the sun went down. I tried to keep from turning on the AC, but it was still 85 degrees at 8:00 and I was done with the heat by that time. I’ve never slept all night with the AC on in this little camper. It’s pretty noisy in this tiny little space.
\nI wrote early last night so I could have a good solid night’s sleep. Yesterday was a long day, but I didn’t get very far. That’s usually how it works on the first day out. For me, anyway. I monitored all the systems on the camper and the truck and everything worked just as it should so I don’t foresee any difficulties. As always, I say my prayers for travel mercies. I appreciate when you do, as well.
\nHave a beautiful Friday!!!
\n❤️
\n“Guard me, O Lord, from the hands of the wicked; preserve me from violent men, who have planned to trip up my feet.”\n\n \n", "date_published": "2019-06-28T01:30:19-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/06/28/road-trip-cant-keep-a.html", "tags": ["Faith","Travel","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Positive Energy","TOW-Wanda!","The Grand Adventure","Fun","Growth","Gratitude","Love","Peace","Courage","Choices","Change","Widow","Marriage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/06/25/road-trip-falling-into-place.html", "title": "Road Trip: Falling Into Place", "content_html": "Psalms 140:4 ESV
\n
![\"Tonneau](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/25f3a0df6f.jpg\")
“Tonneau Cover for a Pickup”
My old truck had a fiberglass topper on it. It was really nice. I had the top lined with a carpet liner as well as a carpet bed liner. I had a couple of garment rods, a light, and two 12v outlets installed as well. It had a rack on the roof for my kayak. It was a sweet setup. Then, when my truck was totaled, the topper and all it’s accouterments went with it.
\nMy new-to-me truck just has a plastic bed liner. There have been many times I have wished I had some way to tote things on my trips without necessarily having them visible to anyone who parks right beside us. I happened to mention this to Mr. FixIt the other day. He doesn’t forget things like this. We’ll get back to that in a minute.
\nA lot of things fell into place yesterday. First, we thought we might need new tires before I head to Denver. Mr. FixIt called all around and finally found a suitable pair for a reasonable price at Sam’s, but still…mounted and balanced…four tires were going to cost nearly $800! A chunk of change, to be sure. That’s the price of owning a truck.
\nWe signed in at the tire desk, ordered the four tires, and paid for them. It was going to take about two hours so we started wandering around the store. About ten minutes later, they paged me overhead and we went back to the auto department. It turns out, I had a little over half the tread left on the tires and he didn’t want me to buy something I didn’t need.
\nHow refreshing! Thank you, Brandon!
\nI did ask them, since they already had the truck back there, to please rotate the tires so they did that. As we were looking around the store, Mr. FixIt got a text. He said he had found a used tonneau cover for my truck for $150. I texted the woman selling it. She asked if I could also use a carpet bed liner! Well, yes…as a matter of fact. She then went on to tell me she was sick and tired of advertising stuff and if I wanted them both, she would sell them together for $75. Score! Now I can have a cover over my stuff during the Colorado trip.
\nWe went to pick up our mail at the post office and there was my new water pump for the camper. Mr. FixIt can get that put in for me today, I can clean out my camper and restock it, run to town, change the oil on the truck, and leave for my trip west…maybe on Wednesday! I am really looking forward to seeing my kids and grandkids so if everything lines up like this, I’ll be on my way sooner rather than later.
\nAnother road trip, Ranchers! Head ‘em up…move ‘em out!
\n❤️
\n“The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.”\n\n", "date_published": "2019-06-25T01:30:20-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/06/25/road-trip-falling-into-place.html", "tags": ["Family","Travel","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","TOW-Wanda!","Camping","The Grand Adventure","Fun","Gratitude","Peace","Wisdom","Choices","Change","Be Joyful!","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/06/20/memories-of-a-disaster.html", "title": "Memories of a Disaster", "content_html": "Proverbs 16:9 ESV
![\"Shuttle](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/094df61ba4.jpg\")
“A piece of the Space Shuttle Challenger.”
On January 28, 1986, Hubby #2 and I were driving from the airport in Eau Claire, Wisconsin to Sparta for a job interview. He had just finished his residency and was asked by a friend to come join his practice. As we settled into the drive, I flipped on the radio and heard the terrible news. The Space Shuttle Challenger had exploded during liftoff killing the entire crew. We were devastated.
\nI think we all had an extra soft spot for the Challenger crew because of Christa McAuliffe, the first citizen to go into space….the first TEACHER to go into space. My daughter was young. She had bright, young teachers. The thought of one of them stepping froward to selflessly show students what you can achieve when you apply yourself struck a chord with every parent in the country.
\nWe went to the Kennedy Space Center yesterday after a quick stop at Starbucks. When Mr. FixIt asked what I wanted to do with our day, I told him that was where I wanted to go. On the way down, I mentioned that it had been 25 years since I had been there. He said no, that I had been there with him two years ago.
\nAll the way down, I kept asking him questions about it. I know I had my accident six months before that but surely I would have remembered being there. When we drove in, I looked all around and kept saying nothing looked familiar. It was beginning too scare me. I mean, we all begin to lose some mental acuity at a certain age, but this was a total blank.
\nAfter about the fifth time, I insisted I had never been there, we settled it by looking in our phones. Sure enough, we had not. However, we did remember what happened. We were actually going to go the the Space Center one morning when we received a frantic call that Mr. Virgo’s son-in-law was in the hospital in critical condition. Within an hour, we had cleaned the condo, packed the truck, and were rushing home.
\nThe Space Shuttle Memorial has a long hallway with individual displays of carefully chosen memorabilia for each astronaut…the Challenger Crew to the left, the Columbia Crew to the right. Christa McAuliffe’s display is the final one on the left. Once you walk down the hallway and turn to the right, there is a dimly lit room with a piece of the recovered shuttle behind glass.
\nAs I stood there alone, I let the somber weight of the moment flow over me. I was in the presence of where they lived last…where SHE lived last. My heart ached for her family…she left behind a son and daughter, ages nine and six, respectively. My heart ached for all the school children watching the launch live on TV that morning. My heart is much more tender since Mr. Virgo died.
\nMr. FixIt walked up behind me and gently placed his arm around my waist. He knew. Maybe it’s the way I hold myself. Maybe it was just the church-like solemnity of the room. Maybe, like me, he was thinking back to what he was doing that day. Maybe he hugged his babies a little tighter that night, too.
\nWe finally moved on to other displays and eventually headed toward the parking lot. As we pushed the door open, we were met with heavy skies and severe thunderstorm warnings on our phones. We looked at the sky, then each other, then back to the sky. There was no way we were going to make it to parking lot six before those clouds opened up.
\nWe elected to buy a snack and sit it out under cover. We had another one of those car wash rains I’ve become fairly familiar with this trip. As soon as it lightened up enough, we headed to the truck as soon as we could. We stopped on the way home at a Cuban-Mexican restaurant and I had the best fish tacos with mango salsa! I haven’t had them that good since the last time I was in Mexico.
\nSo, our trip is winding down. We need to do the housekeeping things you do when you stay at someone else’s home. We’ll pack up and take all but what we need tonight and stow it in the truck. Then tomorrow morning, we’ll head back to West Virginia. As I write this tonight though, I am sitting in the big chair, curled up, with the sliding glass door open so I can hear the waves crashing on the beach not one hundred steps away. The sea breeze is freshened by the evening rain and it feels cool on my skin. It’s time to go home.
\n❤️
\n“You rule the raging of the sea; when its waves rise, you still them.”\n\n", "date_published": "2019-06-20T01:30:43-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/06/20/memories-of-a-disaster.html", "tags": ["Travel","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Wisdom","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/06/15/facebook-memories.html", "title": "Facebook Memories", "content_html": "Psalms 89:9 ESV
![\"Home](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/ec2fffce65.jpg\")
“The Storm King House”
Oh, sometimes those memories that pop up on your timeline are killers, aren’t they? On my birthday, five years ago, I put my Colorado house on the market. I bought this house when Hubby #2 and I split up. It was about a third built and I chose my colors, carpeting, cabinets and countertops, and all the plumbing and lighting fixtures. Even though Daughter #2 was only eleven years old, she spent three weeks at a time with each of us. It was, essentially, the first time I’d ever lived sort of alone.
\nI was so proud of the house. I did the landscaping myself…laying sod, planting trees and flowers. This was before the days of “TOW-Wanda” so my little house was my sanctuary. I decorated like girls lived there…because, they did. I had green and white striped sofas and lots of florals. No TV. The antique rolltop desk that my uncle left to me when he died sat where an entertainment center was supposed to go.
\nI didn’t have curtains. I needed all the light I could get. I loved that house. Then, Mr. Virgo came along. Six months after he moved into the house, he diplomatically asked if I had ever given any thought to redecorating. I think the fru-fru girly stuff was getting to his mountain man sensibilities. I acquiesced and when we were married, we got rid of all the furniture and started over.
\nA friend of mine was moving to Hilton Head and didn’t want to take the furniture from her million dollar house, so I bought about $25,000 worth of furniture from her for $4,000. We painted the first floor living area as loft gold, hung tapestry valances, and brought in the new furniture. We had the painting behind the dining room table done by a Colorado artist. And we found the breakfast table and chairs at a local furniture store.
\nI felt so….grown up. All this sophisticated furniture with my homey touches of family antiques filled my heart. I really, REALLY loved my house.
\nThen Mr. Virgo died. We had just refinanced the house five months before he died. In order to give us flexibility with payments, we went with a thirty year mortgage with the understanding we would pay it off quickly when we were flush and still stay afloat on the lean months. Now I was faced with a tenth of the income and a mortgage that wouldn’t be paid off till I was ninety years old!
\nI quickly began to hate the house. It needed new carpet, new windows, new appliances, new paint. It was nickel and dime-ing me to death. And there were memories around every corner. I couldn’t stand it. I stayed away as much as I could. They tell you not to make any major decisions in the first year after losing your spouse. So, I waited till the next summer and decided to sell.
\nI wouldn’t change a thing, really. I made my decisions based on what I was faced with in the moment. I suppose, maybe I could have kept the house and rented it out, but that just presents a whole different set of problems. We went through that when we rented it out for three years while we worked around the state. In reality, it would have been cumbersome.
\nDo I miss it? I don’t know…I look at these pictures and remember how beautiful it was. I remember all my stuff I had in it. I think the thing I miss the most is that great front porch. But that is not the life I live now. That was then. This is now. I have a life now that I wouldn’t trade for the world. And, when we build our retirement home, we can make it any way we want it. And I’ll have a big front porch just like this one. That’s the one thing I’ll ask for special.
\nFacebook Memories….sometimes they blindside you. Sometimes they show you’re right where you’re supposed to be.
\n❤️
\n“For every house is built by someone, but God is the builder of everything.” Hebrews 3:4 NIV\n", "date_published": "2019-06-15T01:30:16-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/06/15/facebook-memories.html", "tags": ["Colorado","Family","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Hope","Growth","Gratitude","Wisdom","Courage","Downsizing","Choices","Change","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/06/10/van-life.html", "title": "Van Life", "content_html": "
![\"Conversion](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/689320564b.jpg\")
“One of our Girl Campers brought her conversion van to camp in. We were sold!”
My dear friend Gail has a conversion van that is tricked out like a camper. It’s currently in the camper hospital so she camped in a tent this time. But one of the other gals brought her conversion van and was kind enough to give me a peek inside.
\nI can see now why van girls love these so much! There is a lot you can pack into a small space. Christy has hers in soft pastels and cream, making the space seem much larger. She uses her Yeti cooler as extra seating. She has a whole kitchen crammed in this little cabinet.
\nThis really got my creative juices flowing and I was thinking of all the things I can do to the minivan when I get ready to convert it. The only downside I could see is no air conditioner. She does have a 12v fan she can use, but I’m thinking I would be limited to spring and fall excursions.
\nChristy spend five weeks at Quartzite, Arizona in the winter and never felt claustrophobic in this setup. She is thinking she would like to take it on the road full-time. I belong to a few Facebook groups that focus on the van life. It’s intriguing…but a little too confining for two.
\nAnyway, someone asked to see the van…so here she is! Enjoy!
\n❤️
\n“It’s better to live in a hut in the wilderness than with a crabby, scolding spouse!” Proverbs 21:19 TPT\n", "date_published": "2019-06-10T01:30:34-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/06/10/van-life.html", "tags": ["Travel","Uplifting Stories","Strong Women","TOW-Wanda!","Camping","Fun","West Virginia","Growth","New Ideas","Gratitude","Comfort","goRVing","Peace","Wisdom","Presence","Girl Camper","Girl Campers","Choices","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/06/06/one-hour-thirtyfive-dollars-a.html", "title": "One Hour \u0026 Thirty-Five Dollars = A Haircut", "content_html": "
![\"Woman](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/ba77f941e9.jpg\")
“Before and After…what a difference a haircut makes!”
I haven’t really felt like my perky self for a while. Nothing I could really put my finger on. Maybe a little tired. Maybe a little down about aging. I’ve been losing weight but avoiding the mirror. It didn’t really dawn on me till I saw pictures from the baptism a couple of weeks ago and I was up on the stage with my bonus granddaughter. Gasp! I looked SO old! I looked like my grandma. Not that that is a bad thing, but I’m talking in her 80’s. I was in desperate need of a haircut!
\nI always celebrate birthday month…not just a week or a weekend or a day. Nope…I was born in June…I celebrate JUNE! This month I turn 66. It’s only a number. I have more energy than I did at half my age. I remember when I turned 26. I was SO depressed! It had been a WHOLE DECADE since I got my driver’s license. Give me a break! Now it’s been half a century since I got my driver’s license. insert eye roll here
\nNo, it wasn’t my actual calendar age that was getting to me. It was my hair. I got lazy. I got tired of going in every six weeks and getting it cut. I got tired of sometimes having the perfect cut and other times wondering what went wrong. I got tired of spending the money on something that you just have to do over and over and over.
\nIt’s not my fault really. I saw beautiful older women on Pinterest…long flowing locks of silver hair caressing unnaturally perky breasts. Stylishly dressed. Leaning against brick buildings in downtown New York City….their jacket carelessly draped across their shoulders…their chunky boho jewelry and oversized sunglasses deflecting my gaze from anything that could barely be called crepe-y skin. No…Pinterest assured me I would look uber chic with long, silver hair.
\nThen, I took a look at myself and wondered what on earth possessed me to do such a thing. Me…in my JCPenney sleeveless summer dress made from t-shirt material. Me…of the ample upper arms and comfortable tummy. Me…of the “I know I have makeup SOMEWHERE in this house!” Me…of the Chacos and farmer tan and clip-on sunglasses and floppy brimmed had and a riding mower. Yeah…it was time for a reality check.
\nI called Michelle on Tuesday and cried uncle. I said, “You win! I’m coming in to cut it off!” I’m almost sure I heard an audible sigh of relief from the other end of the phone. “How’s tomorrow at 11:00?” She didn’t want to wait too long for fear I might change my mind.
\nAn hour. Thirty-five dollars. That’s all it took to bring back my sparkle. It’s really true…if you LOOK good, you FEEL good. I walked out of there feeling like a million bucks! It’s such a simple thing…getting a haircut. Oh, and a pedi. A MUCH needed pedi. I hadn’t had a “Me Day” for such a long time. It was way overdue and I feel so much better.
\nI sent the before and after photos to Mr. FixIt with a note…”Here’s the girl you fell in love with!” And you wanna know what he said?
\n“You’re beautiful…but, I didn’t fall in love with your hair.”
\nMy cheeks hurt from smiling.
\n❤️
\n“Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.” 1 Peter 4:8 NIV\n \n", "date_published": "2019-06-06T01:30:12-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/06/06/one-hour-thirtyfive-dollars-a.html", "tags": ["Health","Family","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Positive Energy","West Virginia","Growth","Gratitude","Love","Peace","Wisdom","Courage","Aging","Choices","Change","Be Joyful!","Widow","Marriage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/06/05/finding-my-father.html", "title": "Finding my Father", "content_html": "
![\"Father](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/6c6d0a0742.jpg\")
“I don’t remember having a loving relationship with my dad…ever.”
Father’s Day is coming soon. I don’t remember ever seeing a photo of my dad holding me. I don’t remember him offering his hand to help me walk. I don’t recall any kissed booboos or falling asleep in his lap. I do remember him bouncing my brother and me on his knees to the tune of Bonanza when it aired on Sunday nights. I remember watching fireworks from the car three blocks away from the park. I remember going fishing with him…once. I wouldn’t touch the worm. He was done.
\nMy relationship with my dad was complicated. Like every little girl, I sought his approval. It never came. I sought his love. He didn’t know how to give it. He never saw me sing on stage. He never watched me perform on the balance beam. As my brother and I aged, Dad became more and more lost in a bottle of Four Roses.
\nBy the time I was an antagonistic teenager, our relationship had devolved into angry shouting matches and stony silence. He became “the man who lived upstairs”. I married and left home with the first boy who would have me and I didn’t look back. By the time I was twenty-one, to my mother’s great relief, they were divorced.
\nDad went back to his roots and moved into a trailer on his sister’s farm. As a widow, she was extremely careful of her reputation and when dad had to be driven home from the bar one night, she stormed into his trailer the next morning and struck him on the bottom of the feet with an iron skillet. She informed him there would never be another incident like that or he would find himself out on his ear. He ended up going on the wagon and found Jesus and married a childhood friend.
\nI never really knew that man…the one all my cousins knew. The one all the town knew. The one who went to church every Sunday and became the model citizen…to everyone outside. But inside? Our relationship stayed exactly the same. His modus operandi was “blame and shame”. I tried. Lord knows I tried to have a relationship with him. But, in order to do that, I needed to talk about what had happened and he wasn’t interested.
\nIf he would have just once said “I’m sorry, Sis.” Oh, I learned to forgive him because he did what he knew, but that apology would have gone a long way toward mending my broken heart. Instead, I married father replacements. First, the stern disciplinarian. Then the busy doctor who couldn’t express his true feelings. Then Mr. Virgo came along and healed that spot in my heart that needed to know I was loved and cherished and….wanted.
\nStill, I remember my therapist telling me one time, “You know, Ginny…you’re never going to find your father’s love.” I was bereft. It was as if the final page was read and the book snapped shut. The End!
\nWhat do I do now?
\nI went on. I put a bandaid over the spot where I wanted dad-memories in my heart and went on. After all, I was an adult. I was functioning as best I could with what I had to work with. It was ok, I said to myself. I don’t need a father. I don’t need anybody. Mr. Virgo was the only man I really let in and even he didn’t get to see every room.
\nThen…my dad died.
\nThen…Mr. Virgo died.
\nI was never, ever going to feel that unconditional love again.
\nI was wrong. I found love again…deep, true, lasting love with Mr. FixIt. And, I was a Christian. I had God. He was my Heavenly Father…but, I still wanted a DAD!
\nThis has been on my heart a lot in the last few weeks. And, just like clockwork, here came the Holy Spirit to minister to that sore place within me. Recently, every sermon has been some variation of this theme.
\n“Your dad wasn’t there for you. It’s ok. You don’t need him. He was here to do what only he could do and it hurt. But here….I’ve got some really great news for you.
\n“God IS your dad! He loves you…absolutely…unconditionally. He CRAVES when you come sit with him and lay your head on his shoulder. He WANTS you to take his hand and walk with him. He LOVES it when you talk to him and tell him how your day went and share worries of your mind. He DESIRES you to trust him like the dad that he is. He NEEDS you to know he isn’t ever going to leave you….not ever!”
\nWow! How awesome is that? Knowing this…I mean really deep down in my bones KNOWING this…has healed some place deep inside my heart. I don’t have to look for my dad anywhere but up. When I want to hear him talking to me, I read the words he left for me to follow. When I don’t please him, he lets me know. The most important thing he wants me to know is I am the joy of his heart. The object of his greatest longing.
\nFinally….finally I found my father….in my Father.
\n❤️
\n“The same way a loving father feels toward his children— that’s but a sample of your tender feelings toward us, your beloved children, who live in awe of you.” Psalms 103:13 TPT\n", "date_published": "2019-06-05T01:30:35-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/06/05/finding-my-father.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Forgiveness","Courage","Aging","Choices","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/05/31/keep-moving-forwardalways.html", "title": "Keep Moving Forward...Always", "content_html": "
![\"Wedding](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/c2e94a63b9.jpg\")
“I’ve finished the wedding quilt!”
I have over 28,000 emails on my iPhone. This makes my daughter crazy. She says, “What if you missed something???” I say, “Yeah, there’s always a chance of that. But, what if I stayed on my phone for 8 hours a day reading, answering, or deleting every e-mail that came through? I wouldn’t get anything else done.”
\nI have been known to miss an occasional message, but for the most part, when I scan through, I see the important stuff. A couple of weeks ago, I saw something intriguing come through. Someone was searching for quotes about if or how and why blogging through grief has helped me cope. I wrote back and didn’t think much more about it.
\nIt was a rainy, cool day yesterday. I cuddled up in my little camper and stitched the binding on my daughter’s wedding quilt and listened to the rain hit the roof. Occasionally, I caught a glimpse of something brown running by and under my camper. It was two large rabbits. They chased each other all afternoon and made me smile. They made me think of Watership Down. One stopped beneath my window in plain sight. I whispered, “Be careful of the hrududus, bunny!”
\nSometimes I feel like I run out of things to say here. I think maybe you’ve heard every story I ever knew. Sometimes I think I begin to sound like your slightly dotty Aunt Felicity who tells you everything she ate today. I know that’s an exaggeration, but still…I wonder if I’m wearing out my welcome. When I stitch or knit or mow or drive, I have conversations with God and I ask him to tell me when I’m done. And, every…single…time, He sends me someone to tell me, “No, dear one. Not yet. Someone tomorrow needs your stories.”
\nAs I stitched on my daughter’s wedding quilt, I watched old black & white reruns of the Andy Griffith Show. Up popped a message from a reader I haven’t heard from in four and a half years. In those years she had lost a husband. Had gained a love. And nearly lost him to a silent heart attack. My posts that they’ve been reading together helped them to see how life can change in an instant. They are working together to create a new life, new adventures, in a new direction. They asked me to please keep doing what I’m doing. It made me cry. God knows our hearts. He hears our pleas. And he sends us answers if we’ll just slow down and listen and pay attention.
\nAfter reading that, another message popped up. It was from the woman who wrote to me two weeks ago seeking that quote and the article was published yesterday. I read down through the stories of all the people she had quoted and realized two of them I am connected with on Twitter. I’ll connect with the others now.
\nGrief is a solitary business yet it thrusts us into a community of others going through similar experiences. The biggest point I made in my story for the article was this…you are not alone. No matter how hard grief is. No matter how isolating it is. No matter how crazy and lonely and forgetful it makes you…you are never truly alone. For me…I have Jesus and my family and you guys.
\nI’m not about to quit on that.
\nYou can read the collection of stories here: https://www.aklander.co.uk/news/why-blogging-can-help-with-grief
\n❤️
\n“For that reason, I don’t run just for exercise or box like one throwing aimless punches, but I train like a champion athlete. I subdue my body and get it under my control, so that after preaching the good news to others I myself won’t be disqualified.”\n\n", "date_published": "2019-05-31T01:30:48-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/05/31/keep-moving-forwardalways.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Hope","Growth","Gratitude","God","Wisdom","Courage","Choices","Change","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/05/26/smoke.html", "title": "Smoke", "content_html": "1 Corinthians 9:26-27 TPT
![\"Smoke\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/c7951b9595.jpg\")
“Life has a certain synchronicity. It swirls round and round like wisps of smoke.”
Mail delivery is different when you live on a rural route. When you drive out any two lane blacktop, there are dirt roads that go off up into hollers. There may be a dozen or more houses up there, but it wouldn’t be feasible to send a mail carrier up every little dirt track. So, you often see a whole row of mailboxes on the corner and everyone has to pick up their own mail. Our mailbox is across the two lane from the Ponderosa so we either walk up or stop on our way out when we go somewhere.
\nWhen I first moved in with Mr. FixIt, I seldom got any mail here. I have a post office box that I use for my business so it was just easier for me to get all my mail there. Because the majority of the mail was his, I never really saw it unless I picked it up. Mr. FixIt was throwing away junk mail one day and casually remarked, for some reason he had received coupons for cigarettes. He couldn’t figure out how in the world he ever got on their mailing list.
\nWe went into town yesterday to decorate graves on Mr. FixIt’s side of the family. We stopped to get the mail and there was another cigarette advertisement. He handed me the mail and said, “See? We got it again!” I sat there, holding the mail in my hands. For a moment, my heart skipped a beat and I could barely breathe.
\n“Is this the brand you got before?” I asked.
\n“Yes. It’s always the same.”
\nI ran my fingers over the familiar green box and smiled. Kools.
\n“You know…this is Mr. Virgo’s brand.”
\n“Whoa. That’s weird.”
\n“No…not weird. It’s just a message. A sort of hello from beyond.”
\nI don’t know how things work on the other side exactly. I know there is heaven. And I know the Bible says there is a veil between the worlds and those in heaven cannot see or connect with their loved ones on earth. I also know God loves us and wants to comfort our hearts when we lose loved ones so He sends us things that strike a chord with us. In my case…bluebirds. A particular song that’s out of place. Flickering lights. And, an ad. Of all the cigarette brands that are out there, the one that came was Mr. Virgo’s. It’s not even what I would consider a top brand. Why that one? On Memorial Day weekend?
\nI reached over and took my husband’s hand. I smiled and looked out the window at the passing scenery. I marveled at this lovely life and all its synchronicity…curling round and round like wisps of smoke.
\n“Hello, Mr. Virgo” I said softly. “Thanks for coming to see us.”
\n❤️
\n“Now they know that everything that you have given me is from you.”\n\n", "date_published": "2019-05-26T01:30:10-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/05/26/smoke.html", "tags": ["Family","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Hope","Positive Energy","West Virginia","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","Love","Peace","Wisdom","Courage","Change","Widow","Marriage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/05/23/wascally-wabbits.html", "title": "Wascally Wabbits!", "content_html": "John 17:7 ESV
![\"Man](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/faa61bb172.jpg\")
“Mr. FixIt…working in the garden.”
Mr. FixIt came to me the other morning with a dejected sigh.
\n“Something ate the beans.”
\nAgain? Hmpffff! Don’t they know that little piece of ground is OURS??? They have five acres. I just want this little patch. Yeah…not likely. We used the rabbit deterrent faithfully…until, we didn’t. All it took was one little rain and one lapse of memory and…poof! No more beans. I think it is the rabbits. But it could be that little chipmunk. Or deer. Or…whatever. The point is…unless you put some sort of protective fencing or netting or both around your garden, you cannot expect to provide a salad bar without getting dinner guests.
\nThat’s ok. We still have the tomatoes. Plenty of tomatoes!!! We had twelve tomato plants and one mysteriously disappeared. No footprints. No trace…just gone. So, we are left with eleven tomato plants and a couple dozen onions. We’re good.
\nI went to the farm yesterday to get the shades from the big camper. For those of you who have been around for the long haul, you will remember the first thing I did when I bought that camper was take those hideous window coverings off. If I’m going to sell the camper, I need to put them back. While I was there, I did the last load of laundry and gathered some camping items I will need in a couple of weeks when we go to Blackwater Falls with the Girl Campers. That’s one thing I like about Girl Campers…you can bring your hubby if you like. We just ask that they do something on their own while we’re there so we can have our girl time. Mr. FixIt is taking his golf clubs.
\nI’m taking the ice cream freezer. There is something so special about homemade ice cream when you’re camping. I also brought the screen house. The mosquitoes will be making an appearance before long and some people are more susceptible to bites than others. I want to make sure everyone is comfortable and has a place to sit out of the rain if need be.
\nWhen I got home, Mr. FixIt had a table saw on the back of the truck that needed to be unloaded. It was way too heavy to pick up but we used our brains over our brawn and tipped it onto a dolly and down the ramps into the garage. Perfect! Just as we were done, the former Mrs. FixIt came over to pick up a tent to go camping. I really like her and we sat for four hours visiting. Then my bonus granddaughter and the baby came over with ice cream. It was such a beautiful day!
\nI love that we can demonstrate for the younger generations that the family relationship doesn’t have to end with divorce. We just open our hearts more and let in love and healing.
\n❤️
\n“How good and pleasant it is when God’s people live together in unity!” Psalm 133:1 NIV\n", "date_published": "2019-05-23T01:30:35-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/05/23/wascally-wabbits.html", "tags": ["Health","Family","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Positive Energy","Fun","West Virginia","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","Peace","Wisdom","Forgiveness","Humbled","Choices","Change","Be Joyful!","Widow","Marriage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/05/09/camping-with-the-girls.html", "title": "Camping With the Girls", "content_html": "
![\"Sunset](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/d26ffa2937.jpg\")
“The sun sets on another fun day camping with the Girl Campers.”
There is something special about camping with a bunch of gals. In ancient times, women gathered at the well when they went to fetch water. Farm women gathered at the Grange or at barn raisings, or when babies were born. Quilting Bees and Afternoon Teas. Women have always wanted/needed the company of other women.
\nWhen I was much younger, I got along with men better than women. I found women to be gossipy or competitive…neither of which were appealing. However, since Mr. Virgo died, I have learned to appreciate my fellow females. Especially when we are sitting around a campfire or under a pavilion on a rainy afternoon.
\nMy favorite campouts always include an afternoon siesta. Lots of talk time and knitting. Catching up with people to find out what’s been going on in their lives. When you come to a camping event that occurs once to twice a year, that may be the only time to get to see these women and they become good friends. Lifelong friends.
\nI came back over to the camper after supper last night and caught the sun just before it dipped below the horizon. I thought it was lovely how the light changed to a golden green glow. These are the moments that make me remember why I bought my first camper. I want to do this as long as I am able.
\nOh, yes…I love camping with Mr. FixIt. But, there’s just something special about camping with a bunch of gals.
\n❤️
\n“O God, to the farthest corners of the planet people will stand in awe, startled and stunned by your signs and wonders. Sunrise brilliance and sunset beauty both take turns singing their songs of joy to you.”\n\n", "date_published": "2019-05-09T01:30:29-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/05/09/camping-with-the-girls.html", "tags": ["Travel","TOW-Wanda!","Camping","Fun","Gratitude","Comfort","goRVing","Wisdom","Peaceful Moments","Girl Camper","Girl Campers","Choices","Be Joyful!","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/05/03/national-widows-day-may-rd.html", "title": "National Widow’s Day - May 3rd", "content_html": "Psalms 65:8 TPT
![\"National](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/da39b5d450.jpg\")
“May 3rd is National Widow’s Day”
Today is National Widow’s Day. I’m not quite sure how I feel about that. On the one hand, there are so many widows who are alone and no one comes to call or check on them. On the other hand, we don’t really NEED a day to remember our loss. It’s not that we are likely to forget. Still…it’s good to remind others to reach out to a widow. We all know one, and those of us who are widowed know…it’s nice to be remembered.
\nSo many times people think of a widow in their lives, perhaps even reaching for the phone…only to stop. They’re afraid of upsetting her. And, the more time that has passed, the harder it is for people to reach out because they don’t want to remind us, in case we’re having a good day. They don’t understand…we never forget. Good days, bad days. We always remember and our lost loved one is never far away. I’m a widow and even I have had that thought cross my mind.
\nI send out my love to widows every day, so today I’ll send you a double dose. My heart is with you.
\n❤️
\n“Take care of widows who are truly widows.”\n\n", "date_published": "2019-05-03T01:30:53-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/05/03/national-widows-day-may-rd.html", "tags": ["Wisdom","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/07/16/the-th-hole.html", "title": "The 19th Hole", "content_html": "\n1 Timothy 5:3 NCV
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/386521cc97.jpg\")
I'm sure I've told you this story, but it's been a while and we have lots of new Ranchers that may not have heard it. Mr. Virgo is buried on a golf course! Well, sort of. This area was a long time ranch. When the land was sold and developed into a subdivision, there was the question of how to deal with the pioneer cemetery up on the hill. Established in the late 1800's, when New Castle was a booming coal mining town, locals and miners have been buried there for generations. The final design has the golf course actually circling the cemetery with a right of way where a street gives access for visits and burials.
\n\n\nMr. Virgo was an avid golfer. He bought me a set of golf clubs for the first birthday I shared with him. This course is right across the road from the house we lived in. Our first outing was on a wonderful fall day. We were on the fairway you see in the background in this photo. I noticed he was looking up at the top of the hill and squinting against the sun.
\"Honey...what is that up there?\" he asked.
\"Oh, that? That's an old cemetery from the 1800's. They built the golf course around it.\" I told him.
\n\n\nMr. Virgo turned to me, dropped his jaw, and said, \"You're kidding me....you can get buried on a golf course??? Cooooool!!!\" He looked back up wistfully and said, \"Wow, I have GOT to be buried up there when it's my time to go!\" We had no idea it would be less than seven years and his wish would be fulfilled.
\n\n\nI call his grave \"The 19th Hole\". He'd like that. He had a wicked sense of humor.
\n\n\nI am so grateful that I'm at a place now where I can enjoy family events without the terrible yearning I felt in the first couple of years. Last night, we celebrated my older daughter and son-in-law's birthdays as well as their 21st wedding anniversary. Dinner for twelve, cake and ice cream, and lots of laughter over family stories. Mr. Virgo would have loved that. That thought went through my mind as I sat there looking at this beautiful family he married into and I smiled. He would have really enjoyed the great food. He would have gotten a kick out of the grandkids and their cousins and how much they've grown. He would have loved our discussion of the Pokemon craze and how the forty-somethings kept explaining \"But, they're not REAL.\" as we tried to grasp how they get there. I smiled. Sometimes I cry...but not this time. And, this is the true nature of grief. The unpredictability and how some events are OK and some are not...for no other reason than grief knocked at the door and I reflexively opened it up.
\n\n\nToday is my special day with Big. Little is next weekend. I'll tell a story or two about her Papa over dinner so she never forgets him. And, yeah...I downloaded Pokemon last night so we can chase those little boogers around town today! I'm a sucker for imaginary creatures.
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2016-07-16T01:30:41-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/07/16/the-th-hole.html", "tags": ["Peaceful Moments","Widow","Memories"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/03/12/angelversary.html", "title": "Angelversary", "content_html": "\n“We love because he first loved us.”
\n1 John 4:19 NIV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/1293d37d97.jpg\")
I so wanted to write a beautiful, totally upbeat story today about how wonderful my life is and how up and optimistic I'm feeling and how this day is just like every other day in my hap-hap-happy life. Yesterday morning, I could do that. And tomorrow, I'll more than likely be able to. But today? Well, in all honesty...I don't know how today is going to pan out. I can tell you, however, that I am writing this on Friday afternoon and Friday afternoon, I crashed and burned.
\n\n\nI was fine all day yesterday. Really fine. I exercised with my trainer/friend. We had a nice lunch and sat out in the sun. I ran errands. I took a little nap. I went to City Park to walk some more. And, that's when it hit me. That incessant witch in my head that insists on pointing out every happy fricking couple driving through the park...walking together...holding hands on a warm, sunny, spring day. Today I hate them. Thankfully, tomorrow I won't notice them. But today, they suck.
\n\n\nBut...here's the good news. Here's what will give you hope. Even as I sat in my truck at the park, hands on the wheel, unable to get out, tears rolling down my cheeks to drip off my chin, momentary bitterness consuming me....even with that, a text came in offering understanding and a prayer that my angelversary goes well. And I knew, this angst and bitterness is, indeed, momentary. I haven't had a long stretch of melancholia in a long time.
\n\n\nThe uplifting text brought me out of my reverie and I dragged my feelings home to deal with them in a constructive way. I grabbed a beverage, turned on the gas campfire on the deck, and caught some great shots of the sun setting over my beloved Ohio River...its glassy surface reflecting the clouds. I settled into my chair and listened to the peepers calling from the pond across the cornfield. The phone rang and my spunky friend from high school called to check in and see how I'm doing. I'm doing fine, really. It's just that...in that moment...it really sucked.
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2016-03-12T02:30:51-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/03/12/angelversary.html", "tags": ["Grief","Wisdom","Anger","Choices","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/03/04/in-the-times.html", "title": "In the Times", "content_html": "\n“You’ve kept track of my every toss and turn through the sleepless nights, Each tear entered in your ledger, each ache written in your book.”
\nPsalm 56:8 MSG\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/ecb1d63496.jpg\")
(For those who may have missed the New York Times article, I am printing it here. Some people have said they cannot access it without buying a subscription to the paper.)
\n\n\nYOUR MONEY
Financial Guidance for Widows Struggling Through Grief’s Fog
By KERRY HANNON FEB. 19, 2016
“My husband and I had decided life was too short,” recalled Ginny McKinney, “so we went shopping to buy a travel trailer to take us into an early retirement.” That was three years ago.
“While standing in the fourth trailer that we were considering, he had a heart attack and died,” she said. Dan McKinney was 62.
\n\n\nMs. McKinney was 59 and retired from her work as a medical assistant, although she was taking on occasional work to make a little extra money. Her husband was getting ready to retire from his post as a restaurant manager at the Ritz Carlton Club at the Aspen Highlands Ski Resort in Colorado.
\n\n\nLike Ms. McKinney, one-third of the women who become widows are under age 65, according to data from the Women’s Institute for a Secure Retirement, known as Wiser, a nonprofit organization dedicated to women’s financial education and advocacy. The Census Bureau reported in 2011 that the median age of widowhood was 59.4 for a first marriage and 60.3 for a second marriage.
\n\n\nNo one is ever prepared for such an event. But for many women, the road to financial hardship begins after their husbands die. Nearly a third of single women over age 75 are living in poverty, according to Wiser’s research.
\n\n\nMs. McKinney is not one of them. The couple had some savings, and she was the recipient of his $150,000 life insurance policy. Nonetheless, the sudden loss turned her world upside down. “He carried my heart on a velvet pillow, and I was crushed,” she said.
\n\n\nOne of her first moves after the funeral was to connect with a certified financial planner, Danielle Howard of Wealth by Design in Basalt, Colo., who made it clear from the start that Ms. McKinney needed to share responsibility for her finances and not leave everything to her adviser.
\n\n\n“Some women are heads of households and managing it all,” Ms. Howard said, “but probably 75 percent of women I’ve worked with just go, ‘I am not good at math.’ It is not a matter of being good with math, I tell them. You can use a calculator. You just need to be comfortable talking about it.”
\n\n\nMs. Howard urged her client to increase her financial literacy. “That education is vital to getting your feet back on the ground,” she said.
\n\n\nLike most widows, Ms. McKinney is living on a lot less than before her spouse died. “The big-picture look at widows is that there’s almost always a loss of income,” said Cindy Hounsell, the founder and president of Wiser. Women also generally live longer than men, making it even more important that they plan their finances carefully.
\n\n\nFor reasons she still doesn’t fully understand, two weeks after her husband’s sudden death, Ms. McKinney headed back to the travel trailer dealership to pursue the dream she had with her spouse. She bought a 15-foot Sportsmen Classic.
\n\n\n“I took off for three months, driving a circle around Colorado,” she said. “I went to places in the wilderness and on the top of mountains, where I could stand outside and scream at the sky, and scream at God for taking my man. And scream at him for leaving me.
\n\n\nShe also joined the Sisters on the Fly, a women’s empowerment adventure group. “The group made me feel I wasn’t a victim,” she said. “I wasn’t the only one who had gone through this.”
\n\n\nSince her husband’s death, Ms. McKinney has put tens of thousands of miles on her truck and trailer. “I’ve done a lot of driving, but I haven’t done anything exorbitant,” she said. “I didn’t go around the world.”
\n\n\nIndeed, widows need to make their initial financial moves cautiously. “There’s a sense of urgency to do something right after you lose a spouse, but I caution widows to recognize the psychological trauma and don’t do anything hastily,” said Eleanor Blayney, author of “Women’s Worth: Finding Your Financial Confidence” and consumer advocate of the Certified Financial Planner Board of Standards. “Widows, in particular, have to be very careful about being taken advantage of by people who may or may not have their best interests at heart.”
\n\n\nOne stumbling block for many widows is knowing where the money is. That often requires some sleuthing to locate savings accounts, brokerage accounts and retirement plans — and identifying the proper online passwords. “The first step to piecing things together,” Ms. Blayney said, “is digging out your joint tax returns for the past five years.”
\n\n\n“An ounce of prevention is everything,” Ms. Blayney added. “Anticipating widowhood is tough, but the more financial information a woman can gather in advance of the loss of a spouse, the smoother it will be.”
\n\n\nThat’s easier said than done — even when the death is not sudden. Five years ago, Joyce McCue, now 63, and her husband of 30 years, Richard, moved to McLean, Va., from Memphis for his job as vice president for Hilton International. Six months later, he learned he had throat cancer. He died a year after their move at the age of 55.
\n\n\nHer spouse had a $2.5 million life insurance policy. But when it came to what to do with it and other family investments, she was at a loss. “I was always totally bored when we went to our financial planner,” Mrs. McCue said. “I controlled the day-to-day finances. I paid the bills. I balanced the checkbooks. But he did the big-picture stuff.”
\n\n\nShe did have one thing in her favor: She knew how to control her spending. “Richard and I always teased each other,” she said, “because my motto was always ‘Do we need that?’ and his motto was ‘Let’s get two.’ ”
\n\n\nShe hired a financial adviser, Eileen O’ Connor, co-founder of Hemington Wealth Management in McLean. “It was quite intimidating,” Mrs. McCue said. “I felt like I was asking questions a kid in high school would.”
\n\n\nAnd, like Ms. McKinney, she joined a women’s support group. “Widows are able to share and help each other with the challenges they’re facing and resources,” Ms. O’Connor said. “While I’d like to think I’m helpful to my widowed clients, I think they find as much support, or more, from peers that are going through the same ordeal.”
\n\n\nMost financial planners suggest that widows refrain from investing or spending any lump sum insurance or pension payout for at least six months and ideally a year. Some widows, however, overspend early after the death of a spouse.
\n\n\nThat’s one mistake Ms. McKinney made. “If I had it to go over again, I would not take that life insurance in one lump sum,” she said. “I would have had it divvied out. You’re not thinking that first year.”
\n\n\nAmong other things, she gave some large gifts to her adult children. “Somehow it felt like it might soften things, ease the pain — however irrational it is,” she said.
\n\n\nAn even more important decision is where to live. “That’s an emotional one because the family home is often the locus of the marriage,” Ms. Blayney said. “It’s not just a financial decision; it is a very emotional decision.”
\n\n\nMs. McKinney waited a year to sell the couple’s 1,700-square-foot home in New Castle, Colo., which sold for $260,000. “After I came back from my trip, I never moved back in,” she said. “I realized I was living in my camper on the front curb and using my house as a really expensive laundromat. I didn’t love the house anymore.”
\n\n\nAfter paying off the mortgage and upgrading to a 250-square-foot travel trailer, she had $63,000 left. “For now, I draw from that for living expenses,” she said, “so I don’t touch my retirement savings.”
\n\n\nLike Mrs. McCue, Ms. McKinney found new life through sharing with others, writing a blog on Facebook for widows and forming fresh bonds with the women she met through Sisters on the Fly.
\n\n\n“They’re a hoot,” she said. “I needed to have something joyful to look forward to and there they were.”
\n\n", "date_published": "2016-03-04T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/03/04/in-the-times.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Sisters on the Fly","Courage","Choices","Widow","Press"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/02/25/saudade.html", "title": "Saudade", "content_html": "\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/7d40003460.jpg\")
I follow an author on Twitter that had a list of descriptive words for feelings. I came across saudade. Three syllables. Soh-DAH-deh. It's from Portuguese Folklore meaning an intensely strong yearning for someone who is no longer with you. Saudade. I've never found a more accurate word to describe what goes on in my heart some days. It even sounds appropriate.
\n\n\nMost days I'm fine. The beast remains tamed...mollified with promises that we'll revisit this whole thing like Adelle in \"Hello\"....later, later. Compartmentalized. Then, along comes something...anything, nothing, doesn't matter...along comes this thing and the Gatekeeper starts rummaging through his key ring to open the lock on my heart. I hear him coming, his footsteps echoing down the long corridors of my mind and I moan somewhere deep within. Because I know what's going to happen when he gets where he's going. Saudade.
\n\n\nThe Gatekeeper came yesterday. I had just finished writing a post for the Sisters on the Fly Blog. I set my laptop aside, leaned back in the chair, closed my eyes and listened to the sounds of a stiff rain mixed with the soothing meditation music I listen to when I write. The phone interrupted my reverie a few minutes later. It was my daughter. My baby. There was a breathless excitement in her voice. She is engaged!
\n\n\nSaudade. The Gatekeeper came creeping in on Doc Martins...crushing grit between his soles and the doorstep to my heart. Mr. Virgo would have loved this. He would have held my hand while I heard the news. He would have taken the phone and said, \"Congratulations, baby doll!\" He would have started planning the wedding in his head, because that's what he did for a living. It's hard when the happy family events occur and he's not here with me.
\n\n\nI let the Gatekeeper have his way with me. And it wasn't so bad. I've certainly felt worse at his hand. After talking with them, telling them how much I love them, listening to the details of just how the proposal went down, hearing the love in their voices....we rang off and I sat there, alone. Saudade. Saudade. Thank you, Lord. Saudade.
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2016-02-25T02:30:28-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/02/25/saudade.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Growth","Wisdom","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/02/22/missing-pieces.html", "title": "Missing Pieces", "content_html": "\n“Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from him. Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are children born in one’s youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them. They will not be put to shame when they contend with their opponents in court.”
\nPsalm 127:3-5 NIV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/8c626c9119.jpg\")
I used to love to do jigsaw puzzles. I had a table set up where I could spread out and enjoy solving it, piece by tiny piece. And each piece gave me more of the big picture. Life after the loss of your loved one is like a 1,000 piece puzzle with a ton of pieces missing. And sometimes they're the critical ones...the ones that helped you identify what it is you're shooting for.
\n\n\nWhen I lost Mr. Virgo, I did well to find the pieces with the straight edges. I couldn't tell which end was up...or the top from the bottom. I picked up piece after piece and put them down. They were meaningless. My life was meaningless. But finally, I found a random piece that matched another random piece. I'd get a few pieces together and get stuck. So, I'd have to set them down and try a different pattern or color for a while.
\n\n\nI've been diligently placing pieces in this puzzle for nearly three years now. Sometimes I've thrown a handful on the floor, only to go pick them up and pray I didn't lose any pieces. Sometimes I've had to stand up and walk away for awhile. But I always come back. I like the colors. The picture that's developing is beginning to look familiar. I've been here before. And...the closer I get to solving the puzzle, the more glaringly obvious the missing pieces become.
\n\n\nOne missing piece...besides losing Mr. Virgo himself...one HUGE missing piece is hugs. Gosh, I miss hugs. Oh, don't get me wrong...I hug, a LOT! I hug everybody. But, there are hugs. Then there are ......HUGS. A hug has to last at least 20 seconds to release the feel-good hormones. I'm afraid most of my friends would feel awkward after two or three seconds. I'm a pretty darned self sufficient girl, but I can't provide my own hugs!
\n\n\nHow about you? What parts of your puzzle, besides your loved one, are you missing most?
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2016-02-22T02:30:39-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/02/22/missing-pieces.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/12/23/memories.html", "title": "Memories", "content_html": "\n“You, Lord, hear the desire of the afflicted; you encourage them, and you listen to their cry,”
\nPsalm 10:17 NIV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/08963316ea.jpg\")
Mr. Virgo was from South Philly. We never got the chance to go there together so he could show me his old stomping ground, but he had plenty of great stories about the places of his youth. He was raised in an era when kids were out on the streets from sun up to sun down and all the moms looked out for all the kids. There was always a mom within butt-swatting range. I wasn't allowed to go across Grand Central Avenue...a two lane boulevard with a wide, tree-lined median that my mother somehow likened to a major super highway. Mr. Virgo's mom handed him train fare and sent him into New York City by himself for doctor's appointments when he was 12! Big difference in parenting there.
\n\n\nMr. Virgo and his buddies would hop on the trolley and go downtown to the department stores and movie theaters. They would walk the streets and listen to the doowop groups singing on the street corners, hoping to be discovered. When they were teenagers, they got in to American Bandstand and even got a chance to dance on camera. He once was asked by Dick Clark to rate the song. I think he gave it a 10 because it had a great beat and was easy to dance to.
\n\n\nHe started smoking at ten when his mom would send him down to the corner store for cigarettes. There were Mafiosi-types in the neighborhood that would make sure bags were carried for little old ladies and that children had shoes. They kept the neighborhoods safe, reputation notwithstanding. Mr. Virgo was never, ever scared as a child. His parents were together forever and his was an idyllic childhood. I was envious of growing up with that kind of security and it made him the strong, steady, independent man I needed in my life.
\n\n\nOne of his first jobs was at Pat's Steakhouse in South Philly. Mr. Virgo was a cheesesteak purist. It wasn't a real cheesesteak unless it was served on an Amoroso roll with Cheese Whiz (Whiz for short). When we lived in the Denver area for a couple of years, we found South Philly Cheesesteaks, a neighborhood restaurant that delivered the closest thing to a Pat's cheesesteak that Mr. Virgo had ever found west of the Pennsylvania state line. We ordered them just about every Thursday night. OMGosh! They are SO awesome!
\n\n\nLast night, I was out browsing for some last minute gifts and drove past our old neighborhood. It was dinner time so I decided to stop in and have a cheesesteak and visit with some memories for awhile. I can still see his face every time he took that first bite. He'd close his eyes, smile slightly, and breathe a sigh of absolute contentment. I would move heaven and earth to get to see that joy on his face. I sat in the restaurant, enjoyed my sandwich, and smiled remembering that it really wasn't all that long ago that this was a shared experience. I felt him in the booth sitting across from me, that same contented sigh breathing through my heart. I can do this now with only the slightest catch in my chest. This is a huge, huge relief to me.
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2015-12-23T02:30:11-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/12/23/memories.html", "tags": ["Family","Widow","Memories"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/09/13/just-what-the-doctor-ordered.html", "title": "Just What the Doctor Ordered", "content_html": "\n“I remember the days of long ago; I meditate on all your works and consider what your hands have done. I spread out my hands to you; I thirst for you like a parched land.”
\nPsalm 143:5-6 NIV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/08a6cbb8c6.jpg\")
I know what I need to do. I KNOW I need to get back on the horse. But, I also know that's where the work gets done so I have a tendency to keep my head low and my powder dry. I have to come out of hiding eventually though, because I am not buying real estate here in the nether regions. I sometimes have to force myself. I know instinctively when the time is right. Last night was the right time. I went out with friends to the Sternwheel Festival for BBQ on the banks of the Ohio and saw the best fireworks display ever. That is a waterfall of fireworks coming off the bridge in this picture. It was stunning!
\n\n\nSometimes you know what will make you feel better but it's just so hard to get up the gumption to do it. You have to listen to your heart. You also have to know when to tell it to step aside, right girls?
\n\n\n❤
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2015-09-13T01:30:59-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/09/13/just-what-the-doctor-ordered.html", "tags": ["Overcoming Obstacles","Wisdom","Choices","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/08/02/memories.html", "title": "Memories", "content_html": "\n\"....he refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake.\"
\nPsalm 23:3\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/3ef2c84499.jpg\")
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/7b3219d4a9.jpg\")
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/7e6fe0421b.jpg\")
Making memories...it's what we do every day, whether we mean to or not. Sometimes we have choices and we can make beautiful memories intentionally. Yesterday was one of those days. As a matter of fact, this whole week will hopefully be filled with wonderful memories that my grandchildren will tell their kids about. We're off to a pretty good start.
\n\n\nAfter a very long five hour drive, we got our campsite set up. We had a little quiet time then headed to Carbondale for dinner at a traditional '50s style diner. The kids really enjoyed that. After dinner, we went to Redstone and met two of their seven grandparents for live music and dancing. I love blended families when they work together with love for the kids and grandkids...and for each other. We all sat together and loved on the kids and visited. What a wonderful example for the children. I'm very proud of us.
\n\n\nWhile we sat and listened to music, my older grand daughter and I made lanyards. Who remembers camp and all the great arts and crafts you did? Well, this is Camp TOW-Wanda! We have coloring books and colored pencils, pipe cleaners, friendship bracelets, Minions Monopoly, fishing, boating, hiking, campfires, s'mores, weenie roasts, swimming, adventure park rides, horseback riding, and a rodeo to do by the time we head home on Thursday. Then....shhhhhh, don't tell the kids, but we're all going to see Kelly Clarkson and Pentatonix in concert Thursday night!
\n\n\nDoes Nana know how to plan a camping trip or what????
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2015-08-02T01:30:33-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/08/02/memories.html", "tags": ["Colorado","Family","TOW-Wanda!","Camping","Fun","Wisdom","Be Joyful!","Widow","Road Trip"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/07/16/the-front-row.html", "title": "The Front Row", "content_html": "\n\"So Abram said to Lot, “Let’s not have any quarreling between you and me, or between your herders and mine, for we are close relatives.\"
\nGenesis 13:8\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/2f286405ae.jpg\")
Gone are the days when I've relegated myself to the third row. I don't regret anything I've done in my life because every step I made turned me into who I am today. But I do have some wishes. I wish I would have taken more chances, made more mud pies, rode more roller coasters. I wish I would have listened to that doctor and gone to medical school. I wish I wouldn't have tried so hard to fit square pegs into round holes. I wish I wouldn't have been so afraid.
\n\n\nI told Mr. Virgo once that I wish I would have met him in my 30's. He said, \"No, you don't. You wouldn't have liked who I was then.\" And, he's probably right because I don't think he would have liked the 30-year-old version of me, either. There's a reason we met when we did…it was the right time.
\n\n\nI had dinner last night with one of his cousins and her husband. We had never met in person. I'm not even sure we have ever spoken on the phone, but we have been Facebook friends since Mr. Virgo died. They were traveling through Denver and asked me to dinner. As I sat in the car waiting to go in, I found myself getting a bit emotional. I didn't know many members of Mr. Virgo's family and this was a blood relative so it seemed special…this physical connection. We laughed and told stories and I learned more about people he had spoken of. I had a great time and I'm really glad I went.
\n\n\nYes, gone are the days of third row seating. You'll find me up front from now on.
\n\n\n❤
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2015-07-16T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/07/16/the-front-row.html", "tags": ["Family","Grief","Growth","Wisdom","Aging","Change","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/07/14/towwanda-grande.html", "title": "TOW-Wanda Grande", "content_html": "\n\"Then Laban said to him, “You are my own flesh and blood.”…
\nGenesis 29:14\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/3dad893250.jpg\")
I've had the big trailer for 9 months now. She's 29'5\" from the hitch to the spare tire on the back. That's long when you're used to 16'. Add the truck and I'm a good 42' long with a topper and a kayak. I'm definitely haulin'!
\n\n\nThis life isn't for everybody. I've had women drop their jaw when they learn I live full time in this thing. Most men want to give me a high five. I tried explaining to someone how I don't like sleeping inside houses now because they make me feel claustrophobic. It's not the SIZE…it's the idea of being cooped up in one spot. I feel sorry for people whose views never change. They don't know the joy of taking off on vacation and packing everything you own. You literally have everything you need right behind you. I love traveling and pulling over at lunch time to fix something to eat, stretching out for a little siesta, then heading back out on the open road.
\n\n\nI am a vagabond. A meanderer. I live a bohemian life. But I am a realist. There are a few drawbacks to living like this. Gas isn't cheap so if you can spend long stretches of time in one spot it sure helps the budget. This reduces the wear and tear on both your vehicle and your camper. There's not a ton of storage so I have a rule…if something comes in, something else has to go out. The sinks and countertops and stovetop are lower than those in a conventional sticks and bricks home and believe it or not, that discourages me from cooking sometimes. It's just awkward. The wastewater tanks have to be emptied when you're dry docked, as I am a good portion of the time. That means hooking this monstrosity up and hauling it across town to the nearest RV dump. And, because it's so big and hooking up is such a chore, I am far less likely to take off and go on a spontaneous adventure.
\n\n\nThat being said…it's mine. I own it, lock stock and memory foam mattress and the security of that alone makes everything else worthwhile. Yes, I love my life…my little house on wheels.
\n\n\nGod Bless this Trailer Home!
\n\n\n❤
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2015-07-14T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/07/14/towwanda-grande.html", "tags": ["Overcoming Obstacles","Positive Energy","TOW-Wanda!","Camping","The Grand Adventure","Gratitude","goRVing","Downsizing","Widow","Road Trip"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/07/12/life.html", "title": "Life!", "content_html": "\n\"By faith he made his home in the promised land like a stranger in a foreign country; he lived in tents, as did Isaac and Jacob, who were heirs with him of the same promise. For he was looking forward to the city with foundations, whose architect and builder is God.\"
\nHebrews 11:9-10\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/25ba3829e9.jpg\")
My oldest daughter turned 41 yesterday. Seriously? How did she get older than me? Honestly, I feel 35 inside most of the time…like I'm in some kind of time warp. The years whip by at a dizzying pace, but my perceived age remains the same. I look at my hands when arthritis makes my joints ache and wonder what could have happened to them. I look at the lines on my face in photographs and wonder when I became my grandma. I distinctly remember what it felt like to kiss her cheeks…how safe it made me feel. And it makes me smile in wonder that my grandchildren may feel the same when they kiss mine.
\n\n\nLife is a quilt. It tears us into the smallest of pieces sometimes. But, the most valuable quilts are those made with the most intricate patterns. The end result is totally dependent on how much hard work you're willing to put into it, isn't it?
\n\n\nHappy birthday, dear girl. Thank you for changing my name to \"Mom\".
\n\n\n❤
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2015-07-12T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/07/12/life.html", "tags": ["Colorado","Family","Overcoming Obstacles","Wisdom","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/07/11/storms.html", "title": "Storms", "content_html": "\n\"Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from him. Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are children born in one’s youth.\"
\nPsalm 127:3-4\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/64af4809da.jpg\")
There are a lot of storms in life. You would be hard pressed to find anyone who could honestly say they had been untouched by calamity. Some people suffer storm after storm and never seem to catch a break. Others are ducks bobbing in a pond and nothing seems to touch them. But you simply cannot weather the storm of grief without coming out the other side a changed person (not that there IS an \"other side\"…it's more a case of the clouds parting…for longer and longer intervals.)
\n\n\nJust as in nature, lightning flashes, thunder crashes, and grief rains all over you….soaking you to the skin. You get washed away in the rising flood with regularity until you learn to take your boots and your raincoat and your umbrella. And maybe a boat. It takes a long time for you to remember you even HAVE those things. In most cases, you have to find new ones because the old ones don't work anymore.
\n\n\nI was looking through my phone yesterday and came across my favorite picture of Mr. Virgo. There was a time when that would have started an uncontrollable storm the likes of which I was hard pressed to survive. But, little by little, I have gathered my rain gear about me and discovered I'm a pretty hardy sailor when put out to sea. Yesterday, I looked at that picture and smiled and thought to myself, \"He's forever 62!\" He'll never suffer the infirmities of age. He'll never have the humiliation of that colonoscopy he so dreaded. He'll never have a diagnosis of cancer or Alzheimer's. He'll never be maimed in an accident. He'll never be relegated to a wheelchair or a nursing home. No, Mr. Virgo went out at the top of his game. He was well loved, both personally and professionally. He accomplished so much in his life and had seen incredible places. He met amazing people. He parented two beautiful daughters and step-parented mine and those of his second wife. He was a Papa to my grandchildren. He had been married to two other strong, wonderful women. And he married me. He adored me. ME! Imagine that!
\n\n\nReally….what more could a person ask for in life? More time? Of course. But we made very good use of the time we were given. We certainly didn't waste one moment of it arguing…ever. And now…I can dance in the rain, splash in the puddles, and remember a beautiful love story.
\n\n\nAnd…I can smile.
\n\n\n❤
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2015-07-11T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/07/11/storms.html", "tags": ["Grief","Growth","Gratitude","Wisdom","Courage","Aging","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/07/07/do-something.html", "title": "Do Something!", "content_html": "\n\"God’s voice thunders in marvelous ways; he does great things beyond our understanding. He says to the snow, ‘Fall on the earth,’ and to the rain shower, ‘Be a mighty downpour.’ So that everyone he has made may know his work, he stops all people from their labor.\"
\nJob 37:5-7\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/0cb080b695.jpg\")
Ok, second spoiler alert…I'm going to talk about the movie \"I'll See You In My Dreams\" again. Sorry…last time, I promise. So, if you haven't seen it and want to, stop reading. I'll be back with something you can read tomorrow! ❤
\n\n\nYesterday was a totally unexpected, off-the-wall, down, blue funk day. Even though my entire post yesterday was written about the movie I watched the night before, and even though I expressed that I no longer live in fear of losing another love, that movie knocked my feet out from under me for just a little bit. It was so unexpected, that sad twist in the plot. It took me forever to fall asleep and then I honestly didn't want to do anything all day yesterday. So, you know what I did? Absolutely nothing…other than go to my favorite German bakery for a pastry and to a needlework shop I found. My day was not totally wasted. I did SOMEthing. But mostly, I did nothing. And that's perfectly ok. It's been a long, long time since I spent a whole day wanting to pull the covers over my head. Of course, it didn't help that it was a grey, cold, drizzly day…all day long. I'm not going to berate myself for the self-care laden, bed surfing day that I obviously needed. Grief sucks but…today's another day and the sun rose yet again.
\n\n\n❤
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2015-07-07T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/07/07/do-something.html", "tags": ["Grief","Wisdom","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/07/06/stepping-away-from-fear.html", "title": "Stepping Away From Fear", "content_html": "\n\"Blessed are those who have regard for the weak; the Lord delivers them in times of trouble. The Lord protects and preserves them— they are counted among the blessed in the land— he does not give them over to the desire of their foes. The Lord sustains them on their sickbed and restores them from their bed of illness.\"
\nPsalm 41:1-3\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/95340f3947.jpg\")
Spoiler alert: I'm going to talk about the movie \"I'll See You In My Dreams\" so if you haven't seen it and want to, stop reading now.
\n\n\nI assumed this movie was going to have a happy ending and I suppose, in a way, it did. Just not the one I was hoping for. Blythe Danner plays Carol…a widow of 20 years who has lived a comfortable, safe life since losing her husband in a terrible accident. She has girlfriends and a daughter but she doesn't step outside her comfort zone until a series of events shake her world. She loses her beloved dog, makes an unlikely friendship over karaoke with the pool cleaner, goes ape over a rat that plagues her house, and gets coerced into speed dating by one of her girlfriends. Then…in walks Bill, played by Sam Elliot. He's so handsome, and intriguing and shakes up her world. She begins to believe there may be another love in store for her when Bill unexpectedly dies very soon after they begin dating. Damn. This is NOT what I was expecting. I wanted them to fall in love and live happily ever after, but that's not how life works. Life is messy and seldom has fairy tale endings.
\n\n\nAfter losing Mr. Virgo, I swore I would never, EVER have another relationship because I wasn't at all sure I could survive another loss like that. But, being ever hopeful, I get out there, I live life, and I step out of my comfort zone on a regular basis. And as time has passed, that fear of losing another love has subsided. While it would be tragic, it would not kill me and that gives me hope. I don't know that I'll ever fall in love again, but I am no longer afraid of the possibility. And that is a huge change. It's another step. Life is too short to live it in fear.
\n\n\n❤
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2015-07-06T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/07/06/stepping-away-from-fear.html", "tags": ["Grief","Strong Women","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/06/27/visiting-mr-virgos-turf.html", "title": "Visiting Mr. Virgo's Turf", "content_html": "\n\"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.\"
\nMatthew 6:34\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/f9ce109367.jpg\")
Mr. Virgo managed the restaurant at the Ritz Carlton in Aspen when he died. He was a beloved employee and when the ground thawed, they planted a Colorado Blue Spruce just off the restaurant patio in his memory. They had a barbecue for all the employees and had his favorite guitarist come and play \"Annie's Song\". People told stories. I got up to speak. There wasn't a dry eye in the place. As a matter of fact, when I visited today, one of Mr. Virgo's coworkers was there and she cried when we talked about him. It warms my heart to see how well thought of he was. I felt closer to him today as I walked the halls of his restaurant. What a beautiful day!
\n\n\n❤
\n\n", "date_published": "2015-06-27T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/06/27/visiting-mr-virgos-turf.html", "tags": ["Travel","Grief","Widow","Memories"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/06/23/hidden-gems.html", "title": "Hidden Gems", "content_html": "\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/4167473c9a.jpg\")
I went to my home church on Sunday when I was up in the mountains. I felt compelled to stay for both services even though I didn't know that many at the second service. When I feel compelled, I listen. Our bulletin had a few special prayer requests…one of which was for the family of a 59 year old man who died suddenly of a heart attack. His wife was at the second service. I made it a point to wait on the sidelines till she was finished greeting everyone. I walked up to her and introduced myself and told her about losing Mr. Virgo. God bless her sweet heart. She was really doing well. She has great faith and she seems quite strong. She has family and friends and the church for support. My heart aches for her as I remember the early weeks of my journey.
\n\n\nWhen I look back, even I can't believe some of the things I did…like buying my first camper just two weeks after he died. And traveling alone for three months…some of which was in the wilderness of Colorado. I'm so happy she has joined us here, no matter how far back she lurks in the background. Because I have to tell ya…this platform has helped me more than just about anything else since losing Mr. Virgo. Just being able to express my thoughts and feelings in a nonjudgmental forum has helped me heal and grow. And your responses have been an enormous sense of comfort to me.
\n\n\nSo, for the sake of the new widow whose loss is so fresh, what words of wisdom and comfort would you offer her? What do you wish you would have known those first few weeks that no one told you? Let's welcome those who have just joined us and give them a group hug.
\n\n\n❤
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2015-06-23T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/06/23/hidden-gems.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Growth","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/06/13/boom-there-it-is.html", "title": "Boom! There it is!!!", "content_html": "\n\"Like one who takes away a garment on a cold day, or like vinegar poured on a wound, is one who sings songs to a heavy heart.\"
\nProverbs 25:20\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/3f38d9fd83.jpg\")
The sun! It came back…outside AND inside! Just as I predicted, I was perfectly fine when I woke up yesterday even though it was still raining and grey out. But by 3:00, the sun broke through and the world was fresh and green…swept clean by the downpours of the past week.
\n\n\nThere's always going to be a stumbling block on this path. I've spent the last eight months in West Virginia…a place Mr. Virgo visited once for a week. I've been back in Colorado a week and he's around every corner. I didn't realize how much impact that would have until I lived it. I need to change my reaction. Instead of feeling grieved when I \"see\" him in familiar places, I need to feel the joy in the memories. Find the happy. The rest will take care of itself.
\n\n\nAnd…today is my birthday. I refuse to let it be \"just another day\". I think the weather will hold out and be nice. I'll either take a bike ride or kayak on the reservoir…maybe both! I'll spend time with family. There's a movie I'd like to see. I'll talk with friends. And I'll celebrate another trip around the sun. Because, without the dark moments, how could I possibly appreciate the sun?
\n\n\n❤
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2015-06-13T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/06/13/boom-there-it-is.html", "tags": ["Family","Grief","Growth","Gratitude","Courage","Choices","Be Joyful!","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/06/12/going-inside.html", "title": "Going Inside", "content_html": "\n\"“Show me, Lord, my life’s end and the number of my days; let me know how fleeting my life is. You have made my days a mere handbreadth; the span of my years is as nothing before you. Everyone is but a breath, even those who seem secure.\"
\nPsalm 39:4-5\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/8119cf76df.jpg\")
The weather has been pretty dreary in Colorado. It has been grey and stormy just about every day since I left Missouri last week. It has left me in a dark mood that matches the skies above me. And when I go to that room inside, my thoughts follow and pretty soon there's a conference going on that I have no business attending. My sparkle dims and I hate that. I know, intellectually, that there was absolutely nothing different when I wrote this. Every circumstance was exactly as it was a few hours before. The only thing different was my thoughts.
\n\n\nI was thinking about Mr. Virgo. I don't usually let myself go there. It doesn't serve much of a purpose other than to upset me. It's not that he doesn't enter my mind…he does. Several times a day. But I can usually let it go and get on with the matter at hand. It isn't that easy when my heart is the color of the rain clouds…bruised and blue, heavy with rain in the form of tears. I think it's because of my birthday coming up. Mr. Virgo always made my birthday a huge deal. And it's just not the same without him.
\n\n\nThe waves of grief still come when I least expect them. I just lean in and let them go past. It will be better soon.
\n\n\n❤
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2015-06-12T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/06/12/going-inside.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Widow","Memories"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/06/02/good-morning-from-indiana.html", "title": "Good Morning from Indiana!", "content_html": "\n\"Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.\"
\nRomans 12:2\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/700b70b73d.jpg\")
I didn't sleep well Sunday night. Most people left the campground right after the music was over, but several stayed and some people took advantage of the empty field and drove ATVs around all night. So, needless to say, I slept sporadically.
\n\n\nI was going to stay overnight last night with my friend in Troy, Ohio but she has been blessed with a ton of real estate business so I'll visit with her on my way back. I drove till 2:00 in the afternoon then pulled into a rest area for a 2 hour nap. I drove for another couple of hours before stopping for the night. As I have done in the past, I won't be revealing exactly where I am each day. This is to appease my safety conscious family and friends. But it's a very nice, clean, quiet, safe RV Resort just off the interstate. My adventure of the day was a yucky one. My black water tank was full and unfortunately was clogged so emptying it was a yucky chore. But I got it done. Thank God for the shower in this camper!
\n\n\nI love to drive. I do some of my best thinking while I'm driving. One of my dearest friends asked me last night how it feels to be traveling alone again. I had so much company in the last few months that I was seldom really off by myself. And it's interesting. It's different this time. Not boring. Not really lonely. But I feel room in my life and in my heart. Not an emptiness like I felt before. Not an urgency to replace something I've lost to fill up that void either. No, this is different. I feel a space opening up in me. A place of peace…of ease…of calm. Like the soothing flow of a river after making it through rough water. I'm not sure what this is yet or what it means, but it feels good.
\n\n\n❤
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2015-06-02T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/06/02/good-morning-from-indiana.html", "tags": ["Travel","Positive Energy","TOW-Wanda!","Camping","The Grand Adventure","Comfort","Widow","Road Trip"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/06/01/peace-love-rock-roll.html", "title": "Peace. Love. Rock \u0026 Roll!", "content_html": "\n\"I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.\"
\nEzekiel 36:26\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/b6b6b8f520.jpg\")
Ok…that was just about the most fun weekend I've ever had. I know, I say that a lot but this was quite the experience. I took this panorama of the campground to give you some idea how huge this place was. Yesterday's music was awesome! Merle Haggard was the headliner and wrapped up the weekend. He did a great job. But, for me, the highlight was Brandi Carlile! OMGosh, she put on an absolutely amazing performance. And I came away with a new group that I'm looking forward to following…Elephant Revival. They are a Colorado based band and the lead vocalist is fabulous. Unfortunately, the two days they perform in Colorado this year are days I'm already booked.
\n\n\nI feel so energized by this experience. There was such a good energy here. Everyone got along. Friendships were formed. I made new friends. I learned new music. It was peaceful. It was full of love and cooperation. I didn't see a single negative thing. The place was kept clean. A full 95% of the trash generated is being recycled! 95%! That is absolutely amazing!
\n\n\nEverywhere I go I meet the most interesting and beautiful people. Tonga was a joy and she's connecting me with this really cool earth mother in Colorado. The guy in the coffee shop has read Marshmallow Ranch! I let the girls camping next to us use my power strip to charge their phones. They left us a gift of bread from the Farmer's Market.
\n\n\nI'm so happy I don't watch TV or the news because my world is a beautiful place!
\n\n\n❤
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2015-06-01T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/06/01/peace-love-rock-roll.html", "tags": ["Uplifting Stories","TOW-Wanda!","Camping","The Grand Adventure","Fun","Peace","Widow","Road Trip"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/05/30/tent-city.html", "title": "Tent City", "content_html": "\n\"“Salt is good, but if it loses its saltiness, how can you make it salty again? Have salt among yourselves, and be at peace with each other.”
\nMark 9:50\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/24a764bf5f.jpg\")
This is amazing. Every day more people come and squeeze into any available space in the campground. I've never seen anything like it! I hope to get a panoramic view of the field tomorrow. Thank GOD it hasn't rained. This field isn't referred to as \"Mudville\" for nothing! We were brilliant…we selected the family camping area so it is really quiet. At least it is right now because the late show is still going on.
\n\n\nI'm sitting outside my \"home\" as I write this. I'm trying to imagine. What if this was how we all HAD to live? Crammed together in a field. People living in makeshift tents, screen rooms, old buses and vans. Large, energy guzzling RVs and travel trailers like mine. What if this was our real home? Water and food would soon become an issue. As would sanitation. Rains would turn this lovely new-mown hay field into a boggy quagmire. Tempers would soon flair. The sense of peace and love and community created by the joint intention of the gathering would soon be lost…given away to fear and greed and envy. Fight or flight. You see it in third world countries every day. I experienced it in the jungles of Mexico many years ago.
\n\n\nAs I'm sitting here, I look at my \"home\" and I'm filled with humble gratitude. I am positively affluent! I have a clean, safe place to live. I am free to live wherever I choose. I am so very grateful for everything God has blessed me with. Truly.
\n\n\n❤
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2015-05-30T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/05/30/tent-city.html", "tags": ["Travel","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Hope","TOW-Wanda!","Camping","The Grand Adventure","Gratitude","Courage","Peaceful Moments","Downsizing","Choices","Change","Be Joyful!","Widow","Road Trip"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/05/29/andit-begins.html", "title": "And...it Begins!", "content_html": "\n\"Clap your hands, all you nations; shout to God with cries of joy.\"
\nPsalm 47:1\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/a6d7f1bf3d.jpg\")
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/9f73c4d9f7.jpg\")
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/8274c3480f.jpg\")
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/b4fecd3c49.jpg\")
What a treasure it is to gather with a large variety of humans seeking the same goal. Four days of peace, music, and fun in the sun! The vibe is good...mellow. Reminiscent of the early outdoor concerts of the '60s. Aging hippies getting their groove on. Middle aged couples trying to recover a part of the dream. Days when they were filled with love and promise. Days before the pressures of life took away their ability to play. So here, they don their tie dye and walk barefoot, holding hands with hopeful love. And with the right portion of sun, sound, and sensual dancing, sparks are igniting the embers of a long, too cold winter. And it's summer!!! Young people smelling like patchouli and herbal refreshments, dreads, flowing gauzy skirts dancing with that sheer freedom youth allows. Little ones running around blowing bubbles and chasing balloons.
\n\n\nA music festival thrusts you into a melting pot of humanity. It is an excellent opportunity to throw off that coat of conformity and allow you to fly...to allow you to be YOU!
\n\n\nIt just doesn't get much better than that. Celebrate life!
\n\n\n❤
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2015-05-29T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/05/29/andit-begins.html", "tags": ["Uplifting Stories","Strong Women","Positive Energy","Camping","Fun","Aging","Presence","Peaceful Moments","Be Joyful!","Widow","Road Trip"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/05/28/live-the-life.html", "title": "Live the Life", "content_html": "\n\"David and all Israel were celebrating with all their might before the Lord, with castanets, harps, lyres, timbrels, sistrums and cymbals.\"
\n2 Samuel 6:5\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/7f2d9f6c80.jpg\")
Well, the sun has set on this chapter of my Grand Adventure. For those of you who are relatively new, here's a recap. Husband died, sold the house, bought a trailer, gave everything away, moved to West Virginia to take care of Aunt, didn't work out, house sat for six weeks, lived in my camper on the banks of the Ohio River during the worst winter WV has seen in many years (without running water!), listened to tons of live music, renewed friendships and made lots of new ones, bought a bike and a kayak, downsized even more, and now I'm heading for the Nelsonville Music Festival then back to Colorado for the summer. Whew…I'm exhausted just thinking about it!
\n\n\nThis was an expensive lesson I learned here. I paid to move things here. If I would have known the time with my aunt was going to be so short, I would have done things differently. I think the biggest take away is to never make assumptions. Always communicate your needs and desires clearly and listen to the spoken and unspoken words of others. Don't put all your eggs in one basket…have a contingency plan. Forgive. Nurture relationships. Appreciate your surroundings. Pray…a lot! And remember Who guides you through this wilderness.
\n\n\nI ran errands all day yesterday, but the most satisfying thing happened at dusk. I fit the last thing into the back of the pickup truck like the last piece of a puzzle. There's no more room…but I own nothing else so it really doesn't matter. To stand back and look at my handiwork was gratifying. To stand back and marvel that every single thing I own is resting on eight wheels was pretty humbling. Well, minus the items stored in my friend's basement but I'll be going through those in the fall and getting rid of more.
\n\n\nI did it! I simplified my life. Now, the only thing left is to LIVE it. Wanna come along???
\n\n\n❤
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2015-05-28T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/05/28/live-the-life.html", "tags": ["Travel","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Positive Energy","TOW-Wanda!","The Grand Adventure","Wisdom","Downsizing","Widow","Road Trip","Starting Over"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/05/24/capable.html", "title": "Capable", "content_html": "\n\"My heart is not proud, Lord, my eyes are not haughty; I do not concern myself with great matters or things too wonderful for me. But I have calmed and quieted myself, I am like a weaned child with its mother; like a weaned child I am content.\"
\nPsalm 131:1-2\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/d4d1f6bc9c.jpg\")
I'm counting down the days to lift off. My list is long. I have one, maybe two trips left out to the farm. Yet, I'm still finding time to play. I'm fitting in some kayaking this morning. Visiting with a friend in the afternoon. Cookout in the evening. SO much to do in the next few days and I'm feeling confident and capable.
\n\n\nThere was a time in my life when I wasn't capable of doing much of anything. If you had to come up with something good to say about my abilities back then, you might have said something like, \"Well, she breathed in and out all day without too much trouble.\" In the depth of my depression sixteen years ago, I wasn't capable of accomplishing much on a daily basis. Couple that with myriad medications and I was just going through the motions. I call those the Prozac years. I don't remember much of my forties.
\n\n\nBy the time I met Mr. Virgo, I had been off all meds for five years and was a totally different person. Yet still I didn't feel terribly self confident about my place in the world. I deferred a lot of my abilities to my husband. He was so adept at everything. I didn't have to worry my pretty little head about much of anything. Then he up and died on me and left me to figure this all out on my own.
\n\n\nSomething instinctively told me I had to travel solo to find myself. There was no one else to rely on. No one to hold me in the dark of night. Not in the physical plane, anyway. I always have God with me. And He gives me the strength to face the days…and nights…on my own. He gives me discernment. I have discovered that, with God…I truly CAN do anything. I am capable. I am strong. I am brave even when I sometimes don't feel I am.
\n\n\nThere is no way you can travel alone and not discover how capable you truly are. It is the deepest gift you can give yourself.
\n\n\n❤
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2015-05-24T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/05/24/capable.html", "tags": ["Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Forgiveness","Courage","Aging","Choices","Change","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/05/22/truth.html", "title": "Truth!", "content_html": "\n\"Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes.\"
\nEphesians 6:10-11\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/55b2863b2e.jpg\")
I've dabbled in dating. I'm a dating dabbler. Oh, just shoot me now and get it over with. This is absolutely NO reflection on the men I've gone out with. They are perfectly nice, handsome, fun, funny. But seriously, dating is like interviewing for a job you're not sure you want yet. I mean, how CAN you know? You go through the social niceties. You ask all the questions and you answer all of his. You circle the fire in fear and wonder. Curiosity gets the better of you. And you know what they say about curiosity. How often do you really want to interview before you figure out maybe your current gig isn't so bad after all? But, I am ever hopeful…I am an optimist.
\n\n\nEvery time I think I want to date, I put my profile out on match.com to check out the local gene pool. In a small town, I've found I'm fishing in the shallow end. Please, don't think ill of me, but seriously…if I have to read one more profile written entirely in lower case and peppered with misspelled words (as in, pashionet) I will go screaming into the night. Take Leisure Suit Larry, for instance. He's posing in front of his late model red Chevy with the headlight out, in a powder blue polyester tuxedo, complete with ruffled shirt and powder blue patent leather shoes. Oh, my. I was standing in line paying my bill at Cracker Barrel one day (ok, I'm no one to talk. I eat at Cracker Barrel. Not that there's anything inherently wrong with that. Just sayin'.) This man walks up to me to cut through the line as we were blocking the entrance to the dining room. Lo and behold, who was it but Leisure Suit Larry! He must have seen the look of recognition (and horror) on my face because he paused to really look at me. My prayers were answered when his memory banks couldn't match me to my profile picture and he moved on. I'm terrible.
\n\n\nThen there's the guy carefully posed on his sofa. Decent enough picture if it wasn't for the roll of toilet paper beside him on the end table. Either he has a terrible cold and ran out of Kleenex or he has the unfortunate luck to have a La-Z-Boy toilet in the living room. Then there's the guy quite literally posing in his boxers and t-shirt, complete with white socks. Oh, God…take me now!
\n\n\nNow, there ARE some perfectly nice men out there. I've met them and I've gone out with a couple. And, as I said, this is no reflection on them. Dating is as big a chore for them as it is for us. So, the bottom line is to have fun. If it stops being fun, I'll stop doing it. And who knows…maybe lightning DOES strike twice….or more!
\n\n\n❤
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2015-05-22T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/05/22/truth.html", "tags": ["Fun","Growth","Courage","Choices","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/05/04/the-journey.html", "title": "The Journey", "content_html": "\n\"Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.\"
\n1 Corinthians 7:8-9\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/d0742f9b55.jpg\")
I've been thinking about this journey I've been on over the last couple of years. It hasn't been a straight path by any stretch of the imagination. It's all wiggly squiggly and brings me forward then back then forward again. And along the way there are a number of doors and little secret passageways that offer distractions from the course at hand. Some are really inviting. Some are definitely marked \"Enter At Your Own Risk\". And each has a gift tucked somewhere inside. An experience. An opportunity. A lesson to be learned.
\n\n\nIt's a funny thing about the lessons of life. Sometimes we have to walk a road for a long time till we \"get it\". I've recently had a situation like that. I dutifully put on my rose-colored glasses and kept hiking. At first the path was really easy but it wasn't too long before I was scrambling up that mountain till I finally came to the end of the path and the only way out was to turn around. It's a humbling experience to admit things really weren't what they appeared. I wasn't necessarily wrong to take that particular path because I learned a lot about myself and human nature exploring that neck of the woods. Valuable lessons. We never stop learning who we are in the world.
\n\n\nIt's all a journey. We keep going down a path…until we don't. Then we head down another…and another. And at the end…we are there.
\n\n\n❤
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2015-05-04T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/05/04/the-journey.html", "tags": ["Overcoming Obstacles","Wisdom","Courage","Choices","Change","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/04/20/the-grand-adventure.html", "title": "The Grand Adventure", "content_html": "\n\"People assault the flinty rock with their hands and lay bare the roots of the mountains. They tunnel through the rock; their eyes see all its treasures. They search the sources of the rivers and bring hidden things to light.\"
\nJob 28:9-11\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/4758ef9525.jpg\")
The summer after Mr. Virgo died, I began what I referred to as \"The Grand Adventure\". Not only was I going out in the world to do and see things I had never experienced before, I was also doing it all alone…for the first time in my life. I had taken respite weekends before, but nothing like I was about to face. It was daunting and exhilarating, melancholic and joyful. It was a time of many violent shifts in my psyche, my mood, my thinking. I wasn't at all sure I could DO it…period. Let alone, do it alone. But I knew I needed to. I needed to take the first step down the path or I would never make it through the valley of death that is grief.
\n\n\nAfter buying Little TOW-Wanda and getting some obligations taken care of, I took off for the hills. I circled Colorado twice in three months and then took my oldest daughter and her family to see Mt. Rushmore. Those months alone on the road were exactly what I needed. I connected with my broken heart. I allowed myself the gut-wrenching sobs that come with that kind of pain. I explored places inside me that had never seen the light of day. It was cathartic and exhausting and allowed me to crawl out of the wreckage…at least the initial crash.
\n\n\nGrief is a crazy thing. It transforms you in ways you never, ever considered. And, as uncomfortable and painful as it is, it's an easy place to stay. It's much easier to pull the covers over your head and to be excused by society with \"Oh, poor dear…she lost her husband, don't you know.\" Complicated grief is an actual diagnosis. Every grief is different. Each person walks his/her own path. As incredible as it may seem, you can get too comfortable in your pain when moving through it seems insurmountable. After all, who looks at a fire and says \"Oh, yeah! I can walk through that!\" Especially when you can't see the other side. The thing is, there are pockets of sweetness along the path that you'll never know are there until you stumble upon them in the flames. And these sweet spots are SO worth the journey.
\n\n\nThe Grand Adventure, Part 2 saw me selling my house, drastically downsizing, and reincarnating my little 16' camper into TOW-Wanda Grande, the behemoth \"Porta Party\" that I call home. My first stop has been WV, beloved home of my youth. And, if you've been following along this whole time, you'll know the initial intent was to care for an elderly aunt on the family farm but that ended at Christmas. It's very sad that the relationship has been permanently damaged, I'm afraid. But the sweet spots inside that painful scenario brought me to the river, and to further opportunities for healing and growth. I will be forever grateful to my friends for allowing me to live on their property. It's been a scene of transformation and I am peaceful.
\n\n\nThis week will see the beginning of Part 3 as The Grand Adventure continues. A friend and I head out Tuesday for parts south. I am thrilled to see what is around the next bend and will bring you along with pictures and commentary. I wonder what delicious, juicy, excitement life will bring me next?
\n\n\n❤
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2015-04-20T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/04/20/the-grand-adventure.html", "tags": ["Travel","TOW-Wanda!","Camping","The Grand Adventure","Fun","Gratitude","goRVing","Courage","Widow","Road Trip"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/04/18/to-date-or-not-to.html", "title": "To Date or Not to Date?", "content_html": "\n\"Thus they set out from the mount of the LORD three days' journey, with the ark of the covenant of the LORD journeying in front of them for the three days, to seek out a resting place for them. The cloud of the LORD was over them by day when they set out from the camp.\"
\nNumbers 10:33-34\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/7efc71c81e.jpg\")
Who can possibly fill these shoes? This is a topic I've tap danced around some. I've dallied a little in the dating department. I've met a couple of wonderful men…men that I love dearly and consider to be close friends. I can call them day or night for company or conversation. So why don't I find myself feeling the kind of love for someone that would sustain a long term, exclusive, \"can't live without you\" relationship? I felt that love in the instant Mr. Virgo and I made eye contact. My old instincts would ask \"What's wrong with you? These are perfectly good men, kind hearted, gentle, loving, fun, funny. What are you waiting for?\" Well, it's interesting. It's like going out to photograph wildlife with poor vision. You can see the animal in your view finder, you can tell it's an animal and quite possibly that rare breed you're looking for, so you creep in closer. You step gently, stealing in quietly for a closer look. Hmmm…looks familiar, sounds familiar, acts a little like the one you're looking for. But then you get close enough to see and it's not the right one at all. The call is totally different. The coat similar but just not the same. Where did your animal go? Will you ever find another one or should you just be happy you saw one once and got a great picture of it?
\n\n\nThis is what dating has been like. Sort of like an interview for a job I'm not at all sure I really want. And at the same time I yearn for companionship. I miss hugs and holding hands and all that comes with having a significant other. I'm in Neverland. Never so sad as I was when I first lost him…never so happy as I was when I had him.
\n\n\nI'm finding an entirely different set of circumstances to consider this go 'round. I've already had three marriages and a couple of significant relationships in my life. Do I really want another one? Finances are a huge consideration now. Much bigger than when I was in my twenties. There are no guarantees in marriage. If I were to marry, I'd lose my ability to collect widow's benefits. One must be married for ten years to collect from your spouse's Social Security. If the marriage falls apart before that, and you were a stay-at-home mom who didn't contribute a lot to your SS account like I was, you're screwed, to put it bluntly. It's a dilemma many of us Boomer widows are facing. It leaves you with choices many would find unconscionable…like cohabitation. Or resignation to being alone for the rest of your life. Right now, I see merits in both scenarios. I have friends who have been widowed much longer than me and they tell me they went through the same thing but they got over it and can't imagine being in a significant relationship again.
\n\n\nI don't know. Maybe I'm just an incurable romantic. I love falling in love. I love a man's company…the security of his love and affection. Maybe there's a part of me that still feels I \"need\" a man in my life to be happy. Maybe I'm a little lonely. Maybe I'm a bit bored. Maybe I'm a tad frightened. Maybe it's only been two years since I lost Mr. Virgo and I just miss him. I'll always miss him. But I'm a pragmatist. He's not coming back. And even though those men out there don't look exactly like him when I get up close, they are worthy in their own right. I'm not ready to give up on love and companionship entirely. I just want it on my terms. So, I'll keep my options open, and keep my camera handy. You never know when the right specimen may show up in your sights. I just won't base my happiness on it. <3
\n\n\n\"In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, Lord, make me dwell in safety.\" Psalm 4:8
\n\n", "date_published": "2015-04-18T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/04/18/to-date-or-not-to.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Love","Fear","Courage","Aging","Choices","Widow","Memories","Marriage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/03/31/the-last-echo.html", "title": "The Last Echo", "content_html": "\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/1beb9360b5.jpg\")
He called me \"baby doll\". I know he did. I remember it. So why can't I hear his voice saying it? The inflection. The tone. I can't hear his voice in my head anymore. Not clearly. It's way off in the distance. Like the last echo. I hear it said over and over…that most common of pleas…\"If I could just talk to him one last time, I'd be ok with this.\" That's a lie we tell ourselves.
\n\n\nI have our old answering machine with the last four or five messages from him. Unfortunately, he only left messages on the house phone when he couldn't reach me on my cell, which perturbed him. I can hear it in his voice in the recordings. Unlike the voicemails on my cell phone. Those were loving, happy, upbeat, flirty…wonderful. I cleared out the voicemail on my cell phone two days before he died. Now those love notes are gone.
\n\n\nI said I turned the page. I didn't say I wouldn't re-read a paragraph or two now and then.
\n\n\nThe fact that I can't hear his voice doesn't instill panic like I was afraid it would. It doesn't make me any more sad than say, coming across a note he wrote. It's just a part of it all. The new normal. The sudden realization every once in awhile that says, \"Oh, right…he's really gone.\" That thought still sneaks up and surprises me on occasion.
\n\n\nI've never been a good sleeper. Mr. Virgo said that was because I repeatedly said \"I've never been a good sleeper.\" He said I had convinced myself it was true. I said I came up with the conclusion after laying awake countless nights. Sleep has largely eluded me since he died. Sunday night I slept nearly eight hours. I woke up and wasn't at all sure what planet I was on. It was lovely, but highly disorienting. One of my friends has been widowed ten years. She remembers the sleepless years. She taught herself how to play poker and would play online till the wee hours. I write these posts, and read responses and surf the net and play solitaire and chat online with friends in California. But maybe I'm turning another corner. Eight hours of sleep is pretty cool. Maybe I'll sleep and his voice will come to me in a dream. That would be nice.
\n\n\n❤
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2015-03-31T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/03/31/the-last-echo.html", "tags": ["Grief","Growth","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/03/25/it-never-ends.html", "title": "It Never Ends", "content_html": "\n\"So I will always remind you of these things, even though you know them and are firmly established in the truth you now have. I think it is right to refresh your memory as long as I live in the tent of this body…\"
\n2 Peter 1:12-13\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/9887a06e15.jpg\")
Grief waxes and wanes. You can put it in your pocket for a while but eventually you stick your hand in and it bites you. Not hard this time…just a nip around the edges. I had lunch with a friend yesterday and we had a long heart to heart about things I'd never told her. It stirred up a lot of emotions. Then one thing and another pulled at my heartstrings all day. I finally sat down last evening and saw that my grandchildren were doing a fundraiser for the American Heart Association. I went online to donate and my son-in-law's mother had donated in memory of Mr. Virgo. I love her. That was the tipping point. It's ok. I'm good. I turned it around quickly by remembering the fun times we had together. I think this started with my trip to the Social Security office on Monday. This retirement thing was supposed to be a joint effort. sigh I guess I'll just have to play twice as hard to make up for his half of the story that wasn't finished.
\n\n\n❤
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2015-03-25T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/03/25/it-never-ends.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/03/13/be-still.html", "title": "Be Still", "content_html": "\n\"You will surely forget your trouble, recalling it only as waters gone by. Life will be brighter than noonday, and darkness will become like morning.\"
\nJob 11:16-17\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/5d5161eb32.jpg\")
The fog rolled in heavy and lay across the river, dampening the sounds of the night. The trains signaled their approach far before they reached the crossing, sending an echo through the valley that made me shiver. The morning dawned, chill and gray. Yet the day promised sunshine and warmth. I picked up a friend and headed for the country. We went to Berdine's Five & Dime and were like two kids in a candy store. She bought several birthday gifts. I bought a couple of things for the camper. We both bought chocolates at the penny candy counter. We went to the old Stout's Hardware for a paint brush. We stopped at the cemetery on the way to the farm. Last fall I buried a lock of Mr. Virgo's hair between the headstones in the family plot and marked it with a fork (a nod to his career in food and beverage). I sat on a stone and regaled my friend with fun Mr. Virgo stories, we laughed, and I left him some of my chocolate. We went to the farm and took a whole pickup load of my stuff to the church thrift store. There were a few boxes that I had to pass over as unacceptable emotional territory to attempt to go through yesterday such as items from Mr. Virgo's dresser. Ultimately, I sent my wedding dress on it's way. Someone will love it as much as I did. Then we came back to town, went out to dinner, and toasted to great men, brave widows, good friends, and promising futures! It was a beautiful, beautiful day. And thus begins the third year.
\n\n\n❤
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2015-03-13T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/03/13/be-still.html", "tags": ["Overcoming Obstacles","Choices","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/03/12/choices.html", "title": "Choices", "content_html": "\n\"Then, because so many people were coming and going that they did not even have a chance to eat, he said to them, “Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest.”
\nMark 6:31\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/b707266a72.jpg\")
Today could be a terrible day but I choose for it not to be. A couple of weeks ago I was anticipating that it would be, and asked you to bear with me. And, true to form, you stood behind me, held me up in prayer, and offered words of encouragement. I have had lots of time to muddle through my feelings and have made many choices. The very nature of grief says this isn't over…never will be. But I've made a choice to turn the page today. I have graduated from \"Grief 2.0\". Today I choose to remember the funny things…the great stories…the laugh fests…the handsome face…the piercing blue eyes…the fierce devotion…the gentle love. Today I will remember my man.
\n\n\n❤
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2015-03-12T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/03/12/choices.html", "tags": ["Grief","Growth","Choices","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/03/11/walking-through-fire.html", "title": "Walking Through Fire", "content_html": "\n\"But Ruth replied, “Don’t urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God. Where you die I will die, and there I will be buried. May the Lord deal with me, be it ever so severely, if even death separates you and me.”
\nRuth 1:16-17\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/241115d1c0.jpg\")
It is not possible to walk through fire, innocent and exposed, without coming away burned. Life burns us. Yet life blesses us with the flames. I was burned with the loss of Mr. Virgo. I was blessed that it happened in the spring so that each year when his Angelversary comes around, the earth is being reborn and I am given hope. I was burned…as so many of us are. Our hearts ripped from our chests and the only way to breathe was through the gauzy fog of grief. I am blessed that the woman inside me…the one I thought was gone forever…has started peeking her head out and I'm delighted to see her. I missed her terribly! She's the fun part of me. The playful one. The free one. The earth mother. The sexy, juicy goddess of joy. I've missed her and longed for her return. I tried a couple times to hasten her arrival only to be spanked on the hand and told to wait. Wait. Wait. She knew best. She knew she had to stay away till the burns healed into scars. I am changed. I have been transformed. Peeling the layers away with the debridement of my soul has brought me as near to my center as I have ever been. I liken it to having new eyes. This new light is a bit shocking after having spent the last two years in suspended animation.
\n\n\nMy memories are being stored in the Cloud. I had pictures on my phone of Mr. Virgo in his casket. I stayed inside myself, gripping the phone in desperation, wanting one last connection with the man who had carried my heart on a velvet pillow. Looking at that picture of him, lying so still in his best ivory sweater, his stunning silver hair resting on white satin, was the only thing I could do to cry. I had to open my own chest and debride my heart. I knew instinctively it was the only path to healing. As time went on, I didn't need to see the picture so much. Interestingly, just in the last couple of weeks, I went back in the archives of my phone to look for it and…it's gone. It has gone to the Cloud and I can't get it back. And you know what? That's ok. I don't need to visit that anymore. I am rising from the ashes. I will face tomorrow as I have everyday the last year…with strength, courage, hope, and grace. And I will celebrate a wonderful man who I was so fortunate to call my own.
\n\n\n❤
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2015-03-11T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/03/11/walking-through-fire.html", "tags": ["Grief","Choices","Change","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/03/02/antidepressants.html", "title": "Antidepressants", "content_html": "\n\"In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.\"
\n1 Peter 1:6-7\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/84f11e6db0.jpg\")
There was a time when I was clinically depressed and I took antidepressants for about ten years which was the last half of a twenty year marriage. I wish I could say it was ALL my ex's fault but we both know that's rarely the case. That being said, once I got over the initial pain of the divorce, I didn't need antidepressants anymore so that speaks volumes about the marriage itself. Given that history, if there was ever going to be a time that I needed drugs to help me cope, it would have been since losing Mr. Virgo. But I haven't. Because I had a history of depression and had gained coping skills through therapy, I have not needed antidepressants during my grief, which has actually kind of surprised me.
\n\n\nAs you could probably tell, I woke up low yesterday and I so appreciate your love and support. I read your posts and chatted with a friend of mine who is a ten year widow. Another friend sent me a funny video that was a parody of a \"Tiny Home\" that sent me into fits of laughter and I instantly felt better. I talked to a friend that always makes me laugh. I took a nap while the rain was falling on the roof of my camper. I went out to dinner and ate crab legs till I was stuffed. I got to talk to all my girls. I talked to more friends who made me laugh. And, I found a place to dump my trash!
\n\n\nSometimes the wide swings between misery and relief are alarming. It is the nature of grief and as long as the general trend has you moving forward and your good days start to outweigh the bad, then you're heading in the right direction. All in all…it turned out to be a really beautiful day. The key theme was laughter…and these really cool red and yellow boots. It's all about the boots!
\n\n\n❤
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2015-03-02T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/03/02/antidepressants.html", "tags": ["Health","Grief","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/02/28/lightening-the-load.html", "title": "Lightening the Load", "content_html": "\n\"Even in laughter the heart may ache, and rejoicing may end in grief.\"
\nProverbs 14:13\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/963240397e.jpg\")
I have spent a good portion of the last couple of days responding to some lovely comments here on The Ranch since my article was published. So many new readers have come to join us on this journey. One gentleman spoke of losing his lovely wife a few years ago. They had planned to sail up and down the eastern seaboard together in the boat of their dreams. When they found she was dying, they sold the boat. Then, a month before she passed, she picked out a new boat for him. One in which she knew he would be safe carrying out their life's dream. What really touched me was, when he has overwhelming feelings of grief, he sits in the back of the boat and watches the water go by, just as life does. I also find water comforting. I'm such a visual person. Water rushing by symbolizes cleansing, birth, hope, life. Water IS life. I can feel the strength pouring back into my soul now. In a little less than two weeks will be Mr. Virgo's second Angelversary. I'm trying it on, like last year's sweater, to see how it fits. I'll let you know.
\n\n\nOne of the recurring themes in the posts the last couple of days is downsizing. The Boomers are retiring. We have enjoyed a level of affluence not available to most people in the generations before us. Our parents were born in, or shortly after, the Great Depression. Our grandparents taught them to keep everything because you did not know when it would be useful. So they clung to possessions, not just for sentiment, but out of fear of doing without. Fear ingrains behaviors like nothing else. Is it any wonder then that we live in houses stuffed to the rafters with everything imaginable?
\n\n\nMr. Virgo came to me with literally not much more than a suitcase, a set of pots and pans, and a dog. He drove a beat up old Buick. He lived a simple lifestyle, intentionally. And, God rest his soul, he tried to get me to simplify mine. But I'm a Gemini! I NEED all my stuff! I'm an artist. I NEED all those supplies in all those genres because I don't know which one of me is going to show up in the studio! Will it be the pastel artist or the quilter, the soft doll sculptor or the smocker, the cross stitcher or the jeweler? It's crowded inside my head!
\n\n\nI resisted purging like the plague. I could think of a million things I would much rather do. But, let me tell you, I'm sorry I didn't do it when I had a partner to help me because doing it alone is brutal. I suggest you have that conversation with your significant other. With your children. What would they want your life to look like without them? What items would they want as an inheritance? Give it to them now. Let go of things. They're just things. They are anchors around your neck and they will drown you and rob you of freedom and peace.
\n\n\nLet's take a pledge. Tomorrow is a brand new month. We're heading into spring. Let's make a pledge to get rid of \"one a day\". One bag, one box…heck, one THING…every day for a month. In a month, you will have lost, at the very least, 31 items. Maybe even 31 BAGS or BOXES! Your life can look a whole lot different in one month. Go to the store today and buy a box of heavy duty trash bags and leave them someplace where you will stumble over them every day. We can DO this!
\n\n\n❤
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2015-02-28T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/02/28/lightening-the-load.html", "tags": ["Gratitude","Wisdom","Courage","Downsizing","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/02/23/princess.html", "title": "Princess", "content_html": "\n\"Lift up your eyes and look around; all your children gather and come to you. As surely as I live,” declares the Lord, “you will wear them all as ornaments; you will put them on, like a bride.\"
\nIsaiah 49:18\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/599e14dcfd.jpg\")
I'll admit it. I'm a princess. I think my little foray to a local historic hotel for a weekend of indoor camping proves that. I have stayed in some pretty fine hotels around the country, most notably in Aspen. But I have to tell you, I have never been treated better than I was at the Blennerhassett Hotel this weekend. I walked in, literally dragging my suitcase and briefcase, getting stuck in the door on my way in. From the moment they set eyes on me to the moment they placed that same briefcase carefully in my truck at checkout, I was literally treated like royalty. The room I was given was perfectly lovely. A king bed with a hundred pillows and crisp white sheets was a welcome respite. The tub was the perfect size for soaking my so sad and weary bones after the deep freeze of the last couple of weeks. The only thing that was somewhat bothersome was a couple of dogs in a room down the hall. They did create quite a ruckus when their people went out, which seemed to be quite a lot. When I went down for my morning coffee Saturday, I mentioned this to the front desk clerk and she said she would see about it. I went back to my room to write and by 11:00, the barking had not let up. I called down to the front desk and asked if it was at all possible to be moved. There were no questions asked. They immediately moved me to a lovely room, a bit bigger, on the floor above. The bellman had no sooner left till I looked into the bathroom, and…..no tub! Noooooo! The whole purpose of this exercise was to soak in the tub…as long as possible. I called down and told the clerk I really didn't want to be THAT guest and pointed out the lack of a tub. She remembered me telling her how important that was at check in and immediately set to finding me the perfect room. And she did…wow! I have lived in apartments that were smaller than this room! On top of that, I was given a small box of Holl's chocolates \"for my trouble\". Are you kidding??? I felt like a member of the family. Thank you so much, Dorinda and the rest of the staff. Honestly, I couldn't have been happier with my stay and look forward to seeing you all again, even if it's just for coffee or lunch.
\n\n\nI have learned a lot on this grief journey. First, you must speak your needs, clearly and without fear. If something is not right, no one is going to rescue you and fix it. Second…you need to treat yourself once in awhile. When you are nearing the end of your rope, make a phone call…for a massage, for a dinner reservation, for a date with a friend, or…if you really need to pull out the big guns, for a room at a hotel for a night or two. I didn't break the bank here. This is a slow time of year for hotels and they are all too happy to fill their rooms and don't mind giving you a reasonable discount. All it takes is a pleasant demeanor…and maybe a note of crazed cabin fever in your voice…and you can have a huge vacation crammed into 48 hours of bubble baths and chocolate. Be good to yourself…you NEED it.
\n\n\n❤
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2015-02-23T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/02/23/princess.html", "tags": ["Fun","Gratitude","Comfort","Peaceful Moments","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/02/22/sweet-memories.html", "title": "Sweet Memories", "content_html": "\n\"Keep me as the apple of your eye; hide me in the shadow of your wings\"
\nPsalm 17:8 NIV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/07c6c732b1.jpg\")
Mr. Virgo was born and raised in Philadelphia and spent a large portion of his life in Florida. However, the home of his heart was Colorado. He knew I wanted to come back to West Virginia and he would have done anything for me. So, a few years ago, he came here to this very hotel I'm staying in and interviewed for the Food and Beverage Director position. That's one of the reasons I chose this place to stay for my brief respite from the cold and snow. He had been here. So, a part of his energy remains and I wanted to find it.
\n\n\nI went down for breakfast and my beloved Starbucks latte. I sat in the big comfy leather chair and visually set a place for Mr. Virgo at the table beside me. I often do that when I'm going out to eat. He \"makes\" me look around and take notice of the restaurant as he used to do. Cleanliness, service, decor, food…all things he taught me about the restaurant business. All things I want to smack him for because it has forever tainted my experience of dining out. :-)
\n\n\nI sat back and enjoyed my new copy of Home magazine, pausing on occasion to look out at the snow piling up outside. There was soft jazzy \"elevator\" music in the background. Then I felt him. It happens sometimes. I knew he had come in and sat in the chair I had set for him. I smiled knowingly and sent him a mental hello. I knew he was about to send me a message, and I instinctively knew it was going to be through the music playing overhead. He has done that many times. Sure enough, the music switched from canned Muzak to Christina Perri singing \"A Thousand Years\". My heightened awareness led me to listen to every word and hear them as I hadn't before…as a message from a very special man.
\n\n\n\"Heart beats fast\nColors and promises\nHow to be brave?\nHow can I love when I'm afraid to fall?\nBut watching you stand alone,\nAll of my doubt suddenly goes away somehow.\nOne step closer\n\n[Chorus:]\nI have died every day waiting for you\nDarling, don't be afraid I have loved you\nFor a thousand years\nI'll love you for a thousand more\n\nTime stands still\nBeauty in all she is\nI will be brave\nI will not let anything take away\nWhat's standing in front of me\nEvery breath\nEvery hour has come to this\nOne step closer\n\n[Chorus:]\nI have died every day waiting for you\nDarling, don't be afraid I have loved you\nFor a thousand years\nI'll love you for a thousand more\n\nAnd all along I believed I would find you\nTime has brought your heart to me\nI have loved you for a thousand years\nI'll love you for a thousand more\nOne step closer\nOne step closer\n\n[Chorus:]\nI have died every day waiting for you\nDarling don't be afraid I have loved you\nFor a thousand years\nI'll love you for a thousand more\nAnd all along I believed I would find you\nTime has brought your heart to me\nI have loved you for a thousand years\nI'll love you for a thousand more\"\n\n\n
My heart warmed, I smiled, and…of course…I got a little lump in my throat as I enjoyed our moment together because I knew it wouldn't last long enough. It never does. The song ended, and just like that, the moment was gone. The music switched back to jazzy Muzak and Mr. Virgo slipped off into the nether regions of the hotel, certainly to follow some unsuspecting server around to make sure she's doing things right.
\n\n\n❤
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2015-02-22T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/02/22/sweet-memories.html", "tags": ["Uplifting Stories","Grief","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Courage","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/02/14/happy-valentines-day.html", "title": "Happy Valentine's Day!", "content_html": "\n\"No widow may be put on the list of widows unless she is over sixty, has been faithful to her husband, and is well known for her good deeds, such as bringing up children, showing hospitality, washing the feet of the Lord’s people, helping those in trouble and devoting herself to all kinds of good deeds.\"
\n1 Timothy 5:9-10 NIV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/2dcb1be705.jpg\")
My great grandfather used to say, \"It'll stop hurting when the pain goes away.\" I never quite got the deeper meaning of those words till yesterday. I woke up feeling more peaceful than I have since Mr. Virgo died. It was remarkable. I couldn't put my finger on anything specific…I just felt lighthearted, like I could take on the world. The sun broke the horizon and made the frost on the windows glow a lovely golden yellow. It was 4 degrees outside but inside, my world was warm and beautiful and calm. I just laid there and enjoyed that feeling and was ever so grateful.
\n\n\nI'm heading for the two year mark now. Some of you have been following along from the beginning. If you are new, I lost my beloved Mr. Virgo in March 2013. We were buying a camper and he had a heart attack and died. I went ahead and bought one and started this journey. We've had lots of ups and downs, you and me. We'll have more. But today is a day to share the love and tell those who are important to you that you care.
\n\n\nYou all have been important to me…and, I care about you. I've gotten to know some of you personally. I recognize your names and look forward to hearing from you. We offer support and prayers for each other when they're needed. We encourage each other when the going gets tough and we applaud each other when we accomplish our goals. I am so proud of this page and of all you brave souls. I love y'all…more than biscuits and gravy! I hope you have a good day.
\n\n\n❤
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2015-02-14T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/02/14/happy-valentines-day.html", "tags": ["Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Growth","Gratitude","Holiday","Wisdom","Courage","Change","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/02/13/brrrrr.html", "title": "Brrrrr!", "content_html": "\n\"And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.\"
\nColossians 3:14 NIV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/5c94b41eb2.jpg\")
Would someone please tell me why I'm not in Florida right now??? This temperature was recorded at 8:30 last night. It's supposed to be 5℉ at 6:00 this morning. But here I am, toasty warm. I have an awesome furnace in this camper. Also, I have a fleecy, long sleeved jammie shirt on and my trusty electric blanket so I'm good. It's not nearly as cold as it was out at the farm. I was parked in a shady glen so there was no solar gain.
\n\n\nYesterday was a busy day. I took everything out of the cabinets in the living room and started getting rid of extra stuff I haven't used. Then things were carefully packed to maximize space. I also put away the clothes I brought back with me from the apartment. I pulled out two empty plastic tubs to use as a \"chest of drawers\". They fit perfectly on the unused nightstand on the unused side of the bed. I gathered a load of laundry to go do. I packed my summer clothes in my empty suitcase to conserve space. I put out my electric wax warmer on the counter in the bathroom and now it smells like cinnamon apples in here.
\n\n\nI had an appointment in town this afternoon and afterward I went to pick up a needlepoint I had reframed. I picked up a silk ivy in a basket to make the camper feel more homey. When I returned home, I worked more on organizing. I can't stress how important it is to keep only the essentials and to make sure they are stored in a logical way in order to put your hands on what you need when you need it. I'm feeling good about the way it's shaping up.
\n\n\nOne of my new friends is on her way to FL for a week of cycling. She's in a tent in 30℉ in Georgia. Oh no…no, no, no. If I'm \"camping\", there had better be somewhere to plug in my electric blanket! Just look up at the top of this picture…see? The Weather Channel even knows me!
\n\n\n❤
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2015-02-13T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/02/13/brrrrr.html", "tags": ["Overcoming Obstacles","TOW-Wanda!","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/02/05/premonition.html", "title": "Premonition", "content_html": "\n\"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;\"
\nProverbs 3:5 NIV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/b22b0aee63.jpg\")
For years, I have had a recurring nightmare. It's always the same. It's about a seven second movie of a plane taking off over a city. It's flying low, banks hard to the left, hits something with its wing and crashes into water. Over and over…same thing. No info. No location. No date. Just the seven second video. The first time I had the dream it scared the bejeebers out of me. Over the years it's become a matter of course. When I turned on the news on my iPad, the video of yesterday's plane crash played out before me and before I saw more than one second of it, I knew this was the one. This was the one I have seen over and over. It was such an eerie feeling.
\n\n\nLast night I was talking to a friend of mine. She told me she had such an odd dream the night before. She dreamt a plane crashed in the water and she and her daughter tried to get to the survivors in a boat but it wouldn't start. Then she saw the news and it freaked her out. I can understand that. Premonitions are not necessarily acknowledged in the Bible except as delivered by prophets. Modern psychiatry has all kinds of names to label a person who claims to \"see things\". But for those to whom it occurs, there is no doubt as to the validity of the visions. They are real.
\n\n\nI had visions, premonitions if you will, for about a week before Mr. Virgo died. Three times I was awakened from a deep sleep, sat bolt upright in bed…breathing hard, heart pounding. I knew, KNEW I was going to reach to my right and find my husband cold and still. It didn't happen though. He was breathing the even, shallow breath of sleep. The day before he died, I walked by as he napped on the couch. His mouth was gaped open and a voice in my head calmly said…\"This is how he'll look when he's dead.\" I stopped in my tracks. Who WAS that? Where did it come from? The day Mr. Virgo died, we were driving to the RV dealer to pick out our travel trailer. He always wore a watch. He SLEPT in his watch. We were holding hands. He picked up my hand, looked at his bare wrist and said, \"Hmmmm…I forgot to wear my watch today.\" And that same voice in my head calmly said, \"He's going to die today.\" Where on earth did THAT come from? I have no idea, but it was very real…and he was gone three hours later.
\n\n\nPremonitions. Visions. Dreams. I don't know for sure…but I think God speaks to us in a million different ways. If we can just be still and listen, we can learn so much.
\n\n\n❤
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2015-02-05T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/02/05/premonition.html", "tags": ["Faith","New Ideas","God","Wisdom","Warning","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/01/18/a-dream-of-hope.html", "title": "A Dream of Hope", "content_html": "\n\"For God does speak—now one way, now another— though no one perceives it. In a dream, in a vision of the night, when deep sleep falls on people as they slumber in their beds, he may speak in their ears and terrify them with warnings, to turn them from wrongdoing and keep them from pride, to preserve them from the pit, their lives from perishing by the sword.\"
\nJob 33:14-18 NIV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/030ef64740.jpg\")
I slept at least 30 out of 36 hours during my bout with the stomach virus from you-know-where. I woke up for the umpteenth time yesterday at noon and remembered the dream I'd just had. I used to remember my dreams…always. But since losing Mr. Virgo, I'd say I have remembered less than a hand full. Not sure why that is. But this dream was wonderful and I wanted to share it with you.
\n\n\nIt was only my second dream of Mr. Virgo since he died. He had been away working all this time and I decided to go visit him at his new job. I got there and he was dressed in a nice brown suit. He took me in his office where he had been sorting papers. A woman came in and he handed her a stack to be shredded. He hugged me and told me he missed me so much and he was so glad I came. Before I could say anything, I noticed a huge yellow butterfly on the lamp behind him. I pointed and he turned to look. Now, I never ever saw Mr. Virgo cry, but he put his chin down and wept in what I felt was joy. I felt there was someone in the room with us and I turned to my right and it was the same guardian angel that I saw when I had my EMDR treatment for PTSD. When I looked back, I saw that I was looking through a window at Mr. Virgo in Heaven. It was amazing.
\n\n\nI shared this with my cousin. She said perhaps the shredding of the papers is a sign of getting rid of the clutter and unwanted grief junk in my life. And the butterfly is a sign of new life, new beginnings. When you are sick, you are particularly vulnerable to the shards of grief cutting into you. It's far too easy to slip down that slope of sadness till you find yourself mired in the muck.
\n\n\nI woke from the dream and laid there…listening to my heart. I felt Mr. Virgo whisper, \"Come on, baby doll. Get up. You'll feel a whole lot better after a shower and some breakfast.\" And, he was right, of course. I walked around the neighborhood and checked out some of the little shops. I stopped at the cute little soda fountain and had a grilled cheese and a Coke. And I felt much better. So much better.
\n\n\n❤
\n\n", "date_published": "2015-01-18T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/01/18/a-dream-of-hope.html", "tags": ["Comfort","Wisdom","Choices","Change","Be Joyful!","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/01/12/time-of-reflection.html", "title": "Time of Reflection", "content_html": "\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/8656f79e02.jpg\")
I love Sunday. I get to go to Church. I didn't always go. As a matter of fact, I was a good Jewish wife and mother for 27 years. I was frightened out of believing when I was a very young child. I followed the \"Church of Ginny\" for a number of years until I had a roommate who was Jewish. I started following the holidays and traditions because I loved the sense of family it gave me. I loved God. But I had a fear of Jesus after that scary preacher yelled at me and told me I was going to go to hell. I was six. So, with Judaism, I could have a relationship with God and leave it at that.
\n\n\nI met and married a nice Jewish man. We had a nice Jewish house and celebrated all the Jewish holidays. But there was something missing. I had an emptiness inside that I couldn't fill with anything…no matter how hard I tried. Finally, five years after my divorce from this still nice Jewish man…I found Jesus. And my world literally was recreated. I was recreated. I changed instantly. I found my happy place.
\n\n\nI've been Church hunting since I came to West Virginia. I have attended the church of my youth…my grandparent's little country church. I visited a Baptist church with a praise team which was decidedly more contemporary than anything else around here but still pretty tame compared to the throw-your-hands-up-in-the-air kind of worship I have become accustomed to in the churches I attend in Colorado. I visited a lovely Methodist church with friends and saw some classmates there. And the past two Sundays, I attended services at a beautiful Methodist church in the historic district. My mom's cousin is the associate Pastor there and she invited me to come hear her sermon.
\n\n\nYesterday was the Sunday celebrating the Baptism of Christ. Having grown up in a little country church and after attending contemporary churches, I felt a bit like a fish out of water. There are more rituals in the Methodist church than I remember. It was a lovely service, however. I sat and smiled as I watched and listened to my cousin speak about the \"Something More\" we are always seeking. I smiled because I remember her as a very young mother attending the little white church on the hill and now here she was in black robes, standing in the pulpit, delivering a sermon in a big stone church with stained glass windows. We both had humble beginnings. We both are widows. We share genes. We share a love for God.
\n\n\nToward the end of the service, we were invited to come forward to the baptismal font to have the sign of the cross placed on our foreheads with water from the Jordan River, the river in which Jesus was baptized by his cousin John. My cousin, Sue, did the honors. It was a lovely experience for me. I knelt before the pulpit for a bit…without thought of what I would say to God. Instead of many words, I merely felt the warmth of the moment…smiled…and whispered \"Thank You.\" Sometimes just that is the greatest of prayers.
\n\n\n❤
\n\n\nPainting is entitled \"Baptism of the Lord\" by Guido Reni
\n\n", "date_published": "2015-01-12T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/01/12/time-of-reflection.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Prayer","Grace","God","Peace","Wisdom","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/01/11/writing.html", "title": "Writing", "content_html": "\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/f641e5454c.jpg\")
I don't know the exact date, but I began this page in January 2013. I've written very nearly every single day for two years now, minus a short stretch immediately following Mr. Virgo's death. Writing has become as second nature to me as dressing and brushing my teeth. If for some reason I cannot write a post, I feel so off-kilter I can hardly stand it. And, as much as I love to talk, every so often I get a little \"writer's block\" and I panic. What if I've finally run out of things to say? What if I've told every story I have? What if this is all there is….days and weeks and months of death and dying and grief only to be faced with a little sunshine and a lot of \"What now?\"
\n\n\nWhile my intent with this page has always been to help others who are walking a path of grief, it hasn't been all about giving. I've done a lot of receiving in the process. And I have done a tremendous amount of healing. While you're never \"over\" grief…you do get past the worst of it and life starts to be good again. There comes a time when you want to change your focus. You don't want to sit with it in your lap all the time. We are all on different points of the spectrum. Some of you have recent losses….for some it has been years. Some have never had to face widowhood, but gain insight and hope here for survival should that change. We are all going to face loss in one form or another. Having a place to go to share our experiences and to learn and talk about our hopes and fears has been a lifeline for many, including me. I don't want that to change. I don't know if it's where I am on the journey, or if it's a reflection of all the changes I've been going through lately, but I'm finding myself in the awkward position of writing a grief blog and not wanting to talk about grief. At least not all the time, every day, day after day. It's feeling a bit like wearing a sweater that got shrunk a little in the wash. I'm having to tug it here and there to make it fit.
\n\n\nI don't want to quit writing. I also don't want to let anyone down who looks forward to my musings to gain insight into the mass confusion of grief. There is quite a volume of material on this page and even I scroll back from time to time and read posts from early on as a reminder. I hope you will continue to indulge me as I stretch and write about other things besides grief. I'm sure the subject will be revisited when the tide comes in.
\n\n\nI'm feeling the need to breathe the cold air of January deep within me and freshen my brain and my heart…to air out the rooms so long draped with the shrouds of despair. I want to work my body and my mind and feel alive. I want a fresh coat of white paint to reflect the light. This is another phase of the grief process….just without all the darkness involved. I've turned a corner.
\n\n\n❤
\n\n", "date_published": "2015-01-11T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/01/11/writing.html", "tags": ["Grief","Writing","Change","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/01/06/ashes-to-ashes.html", "title": "Ashes to Ashes", "content_html": "\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/dfce9fe814.jpg\")
Today is my \"Re-Birthday\". Today is the day I celebrate not dying. Fifteen years ago today, I was at the lowest point of my life. I was in a marriage that was crumbling at my feet, I was depressed and desperately unhappy. I had been on a medical treadmill for seven years taking ungodly amounts of prescription medications and was self-medicating with alcohol to dull the emotional torment. While not necessarily intentional, I overdosed on January 6, 2000 and could have very easily died. I climbed back up from the bottom of the barrel and rebuilt myself and my life. It was not easy, it was not pretty, but it was very real and absolutely necessary in order to survive and thrive. I am extremely grateful for every day I am given and thank God for the blessings He affords me daily.
\n\n\nI've been trying to decide how to commemorate the day and came up with a beautiful idea. I have a lock of Mr. Virgo's hair. I was out at the farm yesterday to pick up a couple of tubs of photos to scan and got my little red leather box from the locker in TOW-Wanda. I sat on the bed and slowly, carefully opened the blue velvet packet with that precious lock of spun silver that I used to run my fingers through. I've held the bag before, but only once have I touched it and that's when I left a bit in the wilderness of Colorado. I said a prayer and asked God to let me feel my love for a moment. I opened the bag and held that thick, coarse hair between my fingers and my heart leapt with joy. I closed my eyes and could feel my sweetheart with me and it made me smile. I sat that way for quite awhile then carefully tucked him back in the bag. I placed the blue velvet bag back in the red leather box and brought it with me. I had a plan.
\n\n\nOn my way to the greater metropolis of Harrisville (pop. 1802), I stopped at the family plot in the cemetery on the hill where I get my messages (cell service is tricky in the boonies!). There, I knelt down, dug a hole, and carefully placed a small portion of Mr. Virgo's silver hair…right between where my Uncle Bob is buried and the site where my brother will lay someday. I covered it up, said a prayer, and to mark the site, I placed a plastic fork. Being the consummate foodie, I know Mr. Virgo would love the reference. So now I have a place where I can visit him here in WV. It's more fitting than the farm as I have had to release that place from my heart in a way that didn't welcome this monument. No…he rests safely now. In his grave, in the wilderness, nestled amongst loved ones, in my precious red leather box, in my heart…but most importantly, with God.
\n\n\nYes, today is my re-birthday. A day I will always remember as the day God didn't let me leave. What a beautiful life He has given me!
\n\n\n❤
\n\n", "date_published": "2015-01-06T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/01/06/ashes-to-ashes.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Aging","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/12/31/resolutions.html", "title": "Resolutions", "content_html": "\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/ef16b57dec.jpg\")
I don't like resolutions. They represent change and, as a widow, I've had just about all of that I can stomach, thank you very kindly. \"The only thing in life you CAN count on is change.\" \"Change is good.\" \"If you don't change, the view will remain the same.\" Trite platitudes, at best. Besides that, how do I know what I'm going to want to be doing in August? I don't know what I want to do TOMORROW let alone set myself up for the inevitable failure of another ill conceived resolution. I prefer to choose a word to focus on instead of resolving to change even more things in my life.
\n\n\nLosing Mr. Virgo was the tip of the iceberg. The trickle-down theory of grief fallout is the gift that won't stop giving…like a tub overflowing on the second floor and you can't pull the plug or stop the flow of water. Surprise! Your life will change in ways you never could have imagined. Bam! Smack! Splash!
\n\n\nI made a huge leap of faith this year. I sold my house. I sold or gave away practically everything I owned. I left my family and friends to come home to care for my aunt. And totally secondary to that, I came home to say goodbye to the family farm. I had it pictured. Awesome antiques. A great garden. Chickens. Rain on the tin roof. Idyllic. Iconic. A fairy tale life. Then…change.
\n\n\nThe thing is, I had expectations. I had a script. I had a plan. I just assumed God had the same thing in mind for me. This change, while unpleasant, is not necessarily a bad thing. If my storybook scenario would have played out exactly as I had it in my mind, then the final goodbye to this farm would have been devastating. It would have left me bereft, yearning for something I am not destined to have in the long run. As it turns out, the reality of the situation has allowed me to view the farm (and my aunt, as it turns out) from a practical, realistic vantage point and not through the rose colored lens of nostalgia. I can see the warts, so to speak. This is not a bad thing. The timetable just got moved up, that's all. Change. It's slippery. Sneaky. It can take away so much, so fast. But it can also give such beautiful gifts if you don't cower in fear. If you face the winds of change head on, the fog gets blown away and you can see so much further.
\n\n\nSo here's my word for 2015.
\n\n\nGrace…an attribute of God. \"The love and mercy given to us by God because God desires us to have it, not because of anything we have done to earn it.\" I resolve to face the coming year, with all of its changes, all of its challenges, all of its surprises with grace.
\n\n\nGrace. I love that.
\n\n\nThank you for all your posts and excellent insights you've shared this year. Everyone benefits when you post, share, and interact with each other. You are all incredibly brave and strong and beautiful. Thank you so much for traveling along with me. Your love and support have helped me more than you will ever know! May each of you face the changes of the upcoming year with grace…in good health and prosperity.
\n\n\nHappy New Year!
\n\n\nGinny
\n\n\n❤
\n\n", "date_published": "2014-12-31T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/12/31/resolutions.html", "tags": ["Overcoming Obstacles","The Farm","Growth","Grace","Wisdom","Courage","Choices","Change","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/12/26/who-loves-ya-baby.html", "title": "Who Loves Ya, Baby?", "content_html": "\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/3000a3bac7.jpg\")
I used to put so much stock in trying to make sure people liked me. When I think of all the times I jumped through hoops for approval, I cringe. I'd say it adds up to an awful lot of time wasted in angst over people, many whose names I no longer remember. This is one of the gifts that keep on giving from my starring roll in that blockbuster hit…\"The All American Dysfunctional Family\".
\n\n\nI've been tap dancing in a little reprise version lately and have been in deep meditation and prayer over it for the last three weeks. It seems my aunt does not share my taste in art. It seems I forgot to show her the painting before I hung it. Big mistake. In my defense, we did discuss said painting. We just didn't close the meeting. I thought it was a go. She thought we were waiting for a quorum.
\n\n\nUnfortunately, sometimes a mountain really does come from a molehill. (Just ask Molehill, WV what name they voted in as a change.) It started out as something small, then the next thing and the next till now there is trouble in paradise. Change does not come easily to a nearly 83 year old and turns out, 61 year olds have a little trouble too from time to time. It's looking like there will be a change in the living arrangements in WV before too long. I'm not going to go into the gory details. Suffice it to say, I am sad and disappointed. :-(
\n\n\nOn a lighter note, I had a perfectly lovely Christmas Eve. Dinner with friends, the candlelight service at church, a ride around looking at lights then back to their house for dessert. I stayed with a friend overnight and had a lovely breakfast Christmas morning. Went back to the farm and made sure my aunt had a good meal then headed to the Eastern Panhandle. I'm licking my wounds here for a couple of days. I'll keep you apprised.
\n\n\n❤
\n\n", "date_published": "2014-12-26T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/12/26/who-loves-ya-baby.html", "tags": ["Family","Grief","Fear","Choices","Change","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/12/24/sipping-with-santa.html", "title": "Sipping with Santa", "content_html": "\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/68830c3325.jpg\")
I'm heading to town later to meet friends for Christmas Eve and go to church services with them this evening. I'm really looking forward to seeing them as we haven't visited in a long time. Their son sent me this beautiful coffee mug from Tiffany's. He knows my heart races at the sight of that pretty blue box. He is a dear friend and has been a great support to me over the last sixteen months.
\n\n\nI was so incredibly touched yesterday by the response to the last couple of posts here on Marshmallow Ranch. There are so many people hurting at this time of year. I spent almost all day online offering support and love and just holding a sacred space for the broken hearts of so many beautiful people. People who have lost their spouse, their parent, their sibling, or…God forbid…their children or grandchildren. People whose loss was through divorce or the betrayal of friends. Our loss is all the same on the inside. Our hearts all break with the same jagged edges.
\n\n\nWhen Mr. Virgo died, I sent a note to a physician friend of mine who also happens to be a missionary. He told me that I have been in his daily prayers since 2000 when I was really struggling with a health crisis. I was stunned to know this extremely busy man on the other side of the world was remembering me in his daily prayers. I was humbled. I want you to know that you all are in my daily prayers, as well. If you have any special prayer requests, or need some support for something you are going through that you don't want written in the public eye, please know you are welcome to send me a private message at any time and I will do my best to offer what support I can. Many of you have asked permission to share posts from my page. Please, feel free to share with anyone who might be interested in my writing. I was absolutely stunned yesterday when I saw in my stats that Marshmallow Ranch has been read by over 104,000 people…this week alone! When I sit down to write, I pray that God brings me the right words on my end and the people that need to read them at your end. Your \"shares\" help that happen and I am so very grateful.
\n\n\nRemember….you are LOVED.
\n\n\nMerry Christmas, everyone!
\n\n\n❤
\n\n", "date_published": "2014-12-24T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/12/24/sipping-with-santa.html", "tags": ["Holiday","Be Joyful!","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/12/17/poignant.html", "title": "Poignant", "content_html": "\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/fd0f16d27d.jpg\")
The holidays are rich with traditions and memories. When we have suffered a loss, the first major holiday is the worst. My friend and I were discussing this over dinner last night. They lost her father-in-law in September. She had tried to explain to her husband what this loss would feel like and he \"understood\". He totally \"got\" that it was going to be painful but \"at least he wasn't going to suffer anymore\". Then his dad died. And he was at a total loss. He couldn't understand why seeing candy corn at Halloween reduced him to tears in the grocery store.
\n\n\nThe thing is, unless you have experienced it personally, there really isn't any way you can honestly know what it's like to lose someone you love. And, each loss is different. It has always been my fervent hope that my writing can somehow prepare you for what comes after loss…even if it's just to understand that you're not alone, your grief is the worst grief, you are loved, and you will get through it.
\n\n\nI was listening to music on my iPad as I flew yesterday. I called on Mr. Virgo and asked him to come sit with me for awhile. I searched my phone photos for those great pictures I have of him. I didn't feel sad, per se. I let him wash over me and felt his energy surround me in a cosmic embrace. My 7 year old grand daughter snuggled in bed with me Saturday morning and we talked about God and what happens to us when we die. She told me not to worry…that when we die it's just our bodies that leave. WE'RE still here. She told me Papa Dan is always with us, all around us, and she has seen him. I love that. Why do we beat that out of kids? They are so much closer to God than we are. They see the source. I try to keep that alive in myself and encourage it in others.
\n\n\n❤
\n\n", "date_published": "2014-12-17T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/12/17/poignant.html", "tags": ["Grief","Wisdom","Aging","Change","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/12/13/can-we-stop-now.html", "title": "Can We Stop Now?", "content_html": "\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/228777f328.jpg\")
I'd like to stop this roller coaster and get off now. It's making me want to throw up. I had a lovely day in Aspen yesterday. Then dinner out at a nice restaurant. I don't know WHAT I was thinking. I mean, this was the restaurant Mr. Virgo and I got married in! I should have said something when my friend suggested it. But I thought I could handle it. Yeah…not no much. They sat me where I could see the table we sat at during the reception. I could barely eat. I made it to the car before I cried. I was going to stay over at another friend's house but when I couldn't reach her, I just went back to Denver. Sometimes retreat is the best form of self care.
\n\n\nDang it…I wish that whole thing would have gone differently. I could kick myself for stepping foot in there. It caused a snowball effect that quickly went south. Sad.
\n\n\n❤
\n\n", "date_published": "2014-12-13T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/12/13/can-we-stop-now.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/12/11/the-ritual.html", "title": "The Ritual", "content_html": "\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/9ad38e8196.jpg\")
We pull into the cemetery. Three cars. We aren't together, but we are, you know? The red Honda pulls to the left and heads to the back west side. I turn right to the front east. The silver SUV drives past me and heads a couple rows to the north, Christmas carols escaping thinly in the dusky air. \"I'll Be Home for Christmas\". Sigh. Not this year. Not any year.
\n\n\nWe are here…members of a club we didn't ask to join. One to which the dues are far, far too high. We each set to the task at hand. Clearing away the last of the autumn leaves, straightening a cross here, an arrangement there. Quietly tending to those we loved…love still. Trying to make some sense of how another year could possibly have passed without them. \"Silent Night, Holy Night\".
\n\n\nI carefully unwrap the solar Christmas lights and the silver garland I purchased on my way over. I decorate the metal garden piece I use to hang wreaths hoping the lights work. Mr. Virgo loved Christmas. It was his very favorite holiday and he took great delight in choosing the perfect presents and decorating our home. This year is different. The house belongs to a young family celebrating their baby's first Christmas. I drove by the house. It looks lovely. It looks like it belongs to someone else. That's ok..that's good. Still…memories flood back of Mr. Virgo standing on the porch to greet me in the flood of white light from the porch decorations when I came home from work. The smell of a good pork roast greeting me when I walked in. The warmth of his hug. \"It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year\". Sigh.
\n\n\nIt doesn't go away. Grief sits in my chest like a water level that rises and falls with the tide. Yesterday it spilled over the banks. Today is another day.
\n\n\n\"O Holy Night\"
\n\n\n❤
\n\n", "date_published": "2014-12-11T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/12/11/the-ritual.html", "tags": ["Grief","Change","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/12/02/expectations.html", "title": "Expectations", "content_html": "\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/a4b750bc0f.jpg\")
I love \"A-Ha!\" Moments. That brilliant stroke of insight that comes when you set aside your ego investment and focus the microscope on your teeny tiny little mammalian brain. The rush of clarity knocks your socks off. Whenever I find myself sorely disappointed in something or someone, I have to sit back and ask myself, \"What was my expectation here?\" \"Was it realistic?\" \"What was my motive?\" \"What part did I play in the disappointing outcome?\" \"What could I have done differently?\" I have to be honest in this conversation. We are so quick to place the blame for our disappointments at the feet of someone else…to become the victim.
\n\n\nMost of the time, our expectations are never verbalized. I don't know about you, but I have a tendency to picture exactly how a situation is going to play out. I envision entire conversations and base my reality on the preconceived outcome. It's very seldom that life mimics the interior screenplay that I've concocted.
\n\n\nIf I am brutally honest with myself (and you good people), when I projected my re-entry to WV, I envisioned something akin to a cross between The Waltons and a live rendition of Mother Earth News from 1968. I expected long stretches of time to read, write, and follow intellectual as well as artistic pursuits. I created scenarios. Imagine my disappointment when my aunt forgot her lines and ad-libbed from her own script! Expectations are the sand traps in the fairways of life.
\n\n\nMy \"A-Ha!\" moment came today when I realized my aunt and I don't really KNOW each other. We are 21 years apart. She was finished with college and teaching when I came along. She was living in another state. Up till 1990, we had only seen each other a handful of times. After that, we saw each other once a year when I came home to visit. We had never had long conversations like we have since I've been here. We were driving home from our shopping trip to town yesterday and I was talking about my dad. My aunt had no idea my dad was an alcoholic. That just stunned me. I thought everyone in the family knew that. I cannot expect my aunt to understand where I'm coming from when she doesn't know me. And vise versa. This allows me to replace expectations with hope. That sets everyone free and increases the happiness quotient.
\n\n\n❤
\n\n", "date_published": "2014-12-02T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/12/02/expectations.html", "tags": ["Overcoming Obstacles","Wisdom","Change","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/12/01/sailing.html", "title": "Sailing", "content_html": "\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/08f4c07cc7.jpg\")
A couple of years after my second husband and I split up, a friend's husband became ill and died six weeks later. It was barely time for her to let the idea sink in that she was losing him when the brain tumors took him. A group of us went to a friend's house one evening to gather and eat up the leftovers of the massive amount of food served at the church after the funeral. My friend Chris gathered a couple of us gals together and said she wanted to take the new widow to Mexico to give her a break and get her away. I agreed this was a good idea but was shocked when she proposed we leave 36 hours later! It's the most spontaneous thing I have ever done and honestly, I have no earthly idea how our friend managed to do this three days after burying her husband. She was a stronger woman than me.
\n\n\nI was still grieving the loss of my second marriage when we went on that trip. Watching Joanie after losing her husband gave me a different perspective on what real loss is all about. We were staying at an all inclusive resort and one of the activities you could take part in was sailing. I had always had a fear of water. Truth be told, at that particular time in my life, I was afraid of just about everything. But if the new widow could face it, I was sure I could. We had a sailing lesson and took off on a small catamaran. My three friends soon were bored with crossing the bay back and forth and wanted to go ashore. I dropped them off and headed back out into the Caribbean…alone. For some reason, I took to sailing like it was the most natural thing I had ever done. I stayed out for hours and something miraculous happened. It hit me, for the first time really, that I was in charge of my life. Sailing empowered me to make some solid decisions regarding the direction I wanted my life to go. I have never had the opportunity to sail again, but I know I steer this ship, under God's most expert direction.
\n\n\nWas there a defining moment in your life that empowered you to be in charge of your ship?
\n\n\n<3
\n\n", "date_published": "2014-12-01T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/12/01/sailing.html", "tags": ["Grief","Growth","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/11/26/seriously.html", "title": "Seriously…", "content_html": "\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/654cefdd77.jpg\")
This world scares me. I miss Mr. Virgo's strong arms around me more than ever, knowing I would be protected from all harm. Period. No questions. Now, there are tons of questions. Who is protecting me? Who will save us? God, of course, so I can rest in that. I am not delving into the issue of right or wrong here. Someone is always right. Someone is always wrong. Yin/yang. Light/dark. Good/evil. It has been this way forever. But, it's what we DO with that…how we react…that is the issue here. The human race is tired. We've been beaten up. Robbed of our peace by terror. Gone are the innocent Camelot years. I can feel the jagged energy in the world. It's harsh…like the static on a TV station you accidentally switch to and the sound is too loud. It's too loud for me, this world. It hurts…my ears, my head, my heart. I want to stand up and scream STOP! Stop it! You're hurting me. You're hurting my grandbabies. You're hurting us all.
\n\n\nI want to cry.
\n\n\nI don't have TV. I don't watch the news. I keep up by reading online, but the moving pictures on the evening news at my cousin's house last night struck terror in my heart. I wanted to switch it off, but I couldn't. I want to pretend it isn't happening, but that doesn't work. I want to erase the images of the burning and the looting, but I can't. You can't unring a bell.
\n\n\nSo, what CAN I do? I cannot change them, but I can pray for them. I cannot bring back the dead, but I can work for justice. I can learn, and read, and talk, and vote. But most of all…I can spread as much love throughout the world as I possibly can. I can hug everyone I meet and make sure they know they are loved. I can ask them to pay that forward. We are not so far gone that we cannot hold each other in love, standing strong in a sacred space. I will not be terrorized! They cannot steal my sense of peace! I will not fear the night! I will not run from my fellows! This can be a scary situation…or this can be the nadir of change. It is up to us. Do we join the angry rhetoric? Do we choose sides? Or do we remember humanity is essentially good and work from a space filled with love and compassion?
\n\n\nBreathe good into the world today. Pray for peace. <3
\n\n", "date_published": "2014-11-26T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/11/26/seriously.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Fear","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/11/21/the-ugly-side-of-grief.html", "title": "The Ugly Side of Grief", "content_html": "\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/9aebf03710.jpg\")
Remember when you and I first started this journey? I told you I would speak from my heart. I would speak my truth as it is in the moment. I would tell you what it's like to walk this path and I told you that sometimes it wouldn't be pretty. Remember that? Well, I'm writing this at midnight and tonight is one of those nights that's just not pretty.
\n\n\nI woke up with a migraine Wednesday morning and didn't take the time to take care of myself as I would normally. My aunt had a doctor's appointment in the afternoon so we were gone for several hours. (I've managed to get 2.2 pounds on her tiny little frame by adding cream and cheese and eggs to a lot of her foods. That's a relief.) We got home and I fixed her supper. I really couldn't eat much and I went straight to bed. I slept a couple of hours and woke up. And the second phase of my migraine kicked in….GI symptoms.
\n\n\nGrief is hard work. Being sick is hard work. Being sick and grieving and feeling anxiety build up in you and knowing the only thing you can do is use Rescue Remedy and ride it out till morning? That's brutal. That opens all sorts of doors to thoughts better left for the light of day. When will this ever be over? Why did he have to die on me so soon? How am I ever going to find the strength to get through this? Is this what the rest of my life is going to look like? I've taken on a huge responsibility with my aunt's care. Have I bit off more than I can chew? Am I strong enough to get through this?
\n\n\nThat last question is the crux of the whole thing…am I strong enough to do this? If you look at my frail little human self with my fears and my anxieties and my grief, the answer is an unequivocal \"No…..not on my own.\" I could not have gotten where I am today if it weren't for my faith in a God much stronger than me. A God that will gladly carry every burden I have if I'll just remember to turn to Him and ask Him to carry them. I couldn't have made it this far without the countless prayers that have been offered up on my behalf. I hate the ugly underbelly of grief. The doubt and fear it stirs up in me scares me. And when I get scared, it's easy to go running down the dark corridors of my 2:00 mind, jiggling door knobs, frantically looking for a way out of this purgatory.
\n\n\nMy rational 8:00 mind will return after while. I'll get up and have coffee and the night will fade into memories of the many long nights of survival. And, until then, I will lay here in my comfy bed in my cold camper with my toasty electric blanket turned on high, and I will visualize sitting at the feet of God, my head on His knee, His hand stroking my brow, His love for me overflowing, His strength pouring into me, His gentle words of encouragement whispered into my ear. \"It's ok, baby girl. You fight hard and you get tired. You just rest in Me. I'll take care of you tonight and tomorrow things will look a whole lot different…you'll see. Trust Me.\"
\n\n\n<3
\n\n", "date_published": "2014-11-21T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/11/21/the-ugly-side-of-grief.html", "tags": ["Grief","Fear","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/11/19/dmv.html", "title": "DMV", "content_html": "\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/d19822ca6e.jpg\")
I was washing dishes the other day and noticed I have one more week before my temporary plates expire on the camper. They expire a week later on the truck. So, not being one to wait till the last minute, I headed off to the county seat where I live. Tiny town. No luck. You can renew tags and licenses there, but if it's a new vehicle, you have to go to the \"big city\". Ok, no problem. I drove through the snow. (What? Why didn't I go last week when it was 70 degrees? Ummmmm….I give up. Why didn't I?) I stood in line. I got out my license, my insurance cards, and my titles.
\n\n\n\"Next!\"
\n\n\n\"Hi there! I just moved here from Colorado and I need to get my WV plates.\" Big smile.
\n\n\n\"Ok, let me see the titles.\"
\n\n\nHand over the appropriate paperwork.
\n\n\n\"Ok, these are exactly what you need. You'll have to fill out this application form…one for each. Now, let's see. Is this the only name you've had?\"
\n\n\n\"Ummmm, no.\"
\n\n\n\"How many times have you been married?\"
\n\n\n\"Ummmm, three?\"
\n\n\nStare. \"Uh-huh…ok then. I need to see all of your marriage licenses and divorce decrees. I need your birth certificate, your Social Security card, and your proof of insurance.\"
\n\n\n\"Say what?\"
\n\n\nRepeats previous statement.
\n\n\n\"Well, here's my proof of insurance card.\"
\n\n\n\"Ma'am, that's a Colorado card. I need a WV insurance card.\"
\n\n\n\"But, it's a national company!\"
\n\n\nRepeats previous statement.
\n\n\n\"Ok…how do I get that?\"
\n\n\n\"You go to a local insurance agent and GET one.\"
\n\n\n\"But, I have a Colorado license. I HAVE to be who I say I am or they wouldn't have given me one.\"
\n\n\n\"Ma'am, we have no IDEA what the laws are in Colorado!\" (Translation: You all are a bunch of pot smoking hippies out there in Colorado! Who knows WHAT kind of laws you're gonna pass now!)
\n\n\n\"But, we live in the same country! Colorado and West Virginia are both in America!\"
\n\n\nStare.
\n\n\n\"Is that all I need?\"
\n\n\n\"No. You need two items that have your name and your WV address on them. Like your utility bill.\"
\n\n\n\"I don't have a utility bill. I live in a camper.\"
\n\n\n\"Well, a rental agreement.\"
\n\n\n\"Ummmmm, I live in my camper on my uncle's farm so I can take care of his sister…my aunt. I don't own a house, I don't rent, and I don't have utilities.\"
\n\n\nCondescending stare. \"Oh. Well, you can have your aunt fill this out and it says you live there.\"
\n\n\nCool.
\n\n\n\"Ok, so…let me get this straight. I need a WV insurance card, my birth certificate, my first marriage license, my first divorce decree, my second marriage license, my second divorce decree, my third marriage license, my old driver's license, my Social Security card, and an affidavit from my aunt that says I am who I say I am and that I live where I say I live. Is that right?\"
\n\n\n\"Yes.\"
\n\n\n\"Honey, you know? I think you might have misunderstood me. I want a new license and new plates. I'm not applying to run for governor!\"
\n\n\n\"Oh, it's much easier to run for governor. FAR less paperwork. You can apply over at the court house.\"
\n\n\nI pause, staring at the forms…frowning.
\n\n\n\"Did you need anything else?\"
\n\n\n\"Yes. I'm looking for the place where it says you will be wanting my left kidney and my first born child!\"
\n\n\nStare.
\n\n\n\"Next!\"
\n\n", "date_published": "2014-11-19T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/11/19/dmv.html", "tags": ["Overcoming Obstacles","West Virginia","Widow"] } ] }