Writing on Marshmallow Ranch

Finding the Peace In Between

Sat, 28 Sep 2024 02:00:00 -0600

I have a true confession to make. I didn’t realize how terribly burned out I was when I got back from the Colorado trip and announced I was taking a sabbatical from writing here. I honestly didn’t do much of anything the entire month of August. Even well into September, I just didn’t have it in me to embrace all this work ahead of me. So, I did what I needed to do. I withdrew, prayed, spent time in nature and at the farm. I slept a lot and ate well. I even knitted a hat for charity. I trusted that God would nudge me when it was time.

I woke up yesterday and knew it was the day. It has rained over the last three days with cooler temps. The hillsides are seeing touches of gold and red. The kitchen and pantry are clean and organized. I have plenty of ingredients on hand to cook healthy meals so I don’t have to keep running to town so often. I’ve cleaned the “nest” around my Big Red Chair. I’ve balanced my checkbook. I found the writing I’ve already done and have it set up on my desktop. I don’t have anyplace to go for the next ten days and I’m ready.

I read a piece yesterday that was written by John Pavlovitz. I don’t want to get into politics, but this particular article brought me to tears when I read it. It touched a sore place within me that I didn’t know was hurting. He talked about people saying they’re so sick of politics…something I myself have said repeatedly the last few weeks. He named a lot of things he was sick of…racism, hate, bigotry, bitterness. Then he twisted the knife. He said he hates being reminded of the white supremacy so many of his church friends are expressing. “…realizing that I am orphaned from the places I once called my spiritual home.”

That struck a nerve. I, too, feel orphaned by some of the people I truly love. People I’ve always respected and looked up to. And then there’s the trolls on the internet. I know I shouldn’t even go there because when I do, there always seems to be someone that makes me immediately regret it and I delete the post. I’m a slow learner…what can I say? I’m passionate. But here’s the thing that’s really been bugging me the last few weeks. I know how much I can afford to donate to my candidate of choice. It’s not a lot, but it’s all I can do. And now I get 50 “emergency, the sky is falling” texts saying how we are failing and if I want my candidate to win, I have to donate NOW. It’s made me feel terrible and ineffective. I asked a dear friend who is very active in politics. How much is a reasonable contribution? She says that if everyone who votes donates $5 to their candidate, that’s plenty. Now I don’t’ feel so bad when I reply STOP to all those texts.

It’s hard to have a tender heart during election season. At least it has been the last decade or so. Between the election and the overwhelming summer trip, I just needed to take some time for me before I picked up the book again. I appreciate all your words of support and for keeping me accountable to my goal.

“Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.”

Ephesians 4:29 ESV

#writing, #organizing, #book

A Respite at The Farm

Wed, 08 Nov 2023 02:30:00 -0600

The sun was setting when we came out of the grocery store.

Mr. FixIt had a followup visit with our PCP to see how he’s doing after his bout with Covid. We were glad to hear he’s doing great and we can hug again! That was a long stretch and we didn’t like it. Everyone needs human touch. I remember when I lost Mr. Virgo, I had my doctor write out a prescription for massages and I went every week. I needed that to help me heal.

We accomplished about half of the things on the list with three stops and a dinner out at our favorite diner. Social distancing and masks are the rule now. My poor sweetheart doesn’t want to get that again! I got my RSV shot yesterday at Sam’s. So I’m covered for the four big diseases you want to avoid when you’re of a certain age. Flu, pneumonia, covid, and RSV. So far, I haven’t even had a real cold since the Covid lockdown and I really like not being sick.

When we finally got home, it was dark. I helped Mr. FixIt bring in our purchases of the day and put them away. Then I packed up some things and headed out to the farm. It’s supposed to 80° today and I need to mow one last time out here then I can put mowing behind me till next year. I got my bags unpacked, stowed my food for the next three days, then I had to sweep up all the dead Asian Lady Beetles off the floors. I had an exterminator come out here in 2016 to spray for fleas and whatever they used seems to also kill these retched things. It IS a little disconcerting to know whatever they used is still this potent seven years later!

When there is a light on, the beetles fly around up at the ceiling and they make a tic, tic, tic sound. This takes me back to the night I arrived here for my mother’s funeral. My Aunt Rosie flew in with me and we rented a car in Charleston to drive out here. There was only one bed to sleep in so she and I shared a double bed. We were so afraid to go to sleep for fear our months would gape open and we’d swallow one of these miserable vermin. We lay there for hours listening to the the sound of them buzzing around. It still sends shivers up my spine. I have learned if you keep a light on in the farthest room away from you and keep your room dark as a tomb, they stay away from you, but I brought earplugs… just in case!

I’ll stay here till Friday morning. Mr. FixIt has an appointment in town on Friday so I need to get the truck back to him. Once I mow, I can take advantage of this lightning fast internet and get some things done much faster than I can at home.

🍁

“It is in vain that you rise up early and go late to rest, eating the bread of anxious toil; for he gives to his beloved sleep.”
Psalm 127:2 ESV

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The same sweet Santa on the ornament has popped onto the perfect mug for you winter hot beverage. There’s a surprise on the other side… a darling little elf came along with Santa to help out!

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Consider Yourself But Trust God

Mon, 06 Nov 2023 02:30:00 -0600

I spent most of the day at the computer instead of knitting. As my friend Janine reminds me, I can knit at the book signings. This stuff isn’t going to write itself. The rough draft is just that. A rough presentation of ALL the ideas and stories. But, unless I’m planning to publish a tome the size of War & Peace, a lot has to be trimmed. So much of my story and the things I have gone through involve other people. People I love and respect. People whose friendships I treasure. I simply cannot write a story that might, even inadvertently, cast a disparaging view on those I care about.

I wrote the story as it happened, but that version will likely never see the light of day. That was for my own catharsis. And it has been therapeutic to get the words down where I could actually sit and read the whole story. As I was going over the rough draft, I saw several directions different segments of what I’d written could go. So that was what I worked on yesterday. Trimming, cutting and pasting, putting things in some semblance of order to achieve the primary goal of the book. I have learned to consider myself and my gut instincts, but I trust God and His direction.

I found a great program for word processing, created BY a writer FOR writers. It’s called Atticus and I’m telling you, it’s wonderful. It’s so easy and creates your outline for you as you write. It’s intuitive and easy to pick up from the get go. I think it will make this job a lot easier.

One of the reasons I drag my feet when it’s time to work on this is the feelings that come along with it. Just because ten years have passed doesn’t mean the story doesn’t still affect me. It’s hard to go back and face what it was really like to go through the acute stages of profound grief. Knowing I can do in with kindness and respect makes the job easier for me.

Mr. FixIt did some outside chores in the afternoon. He had a large canopy set up in the driveway so he could store things under it while he replaced the garage door that was destroyed late this summer. Everything got put away except for the metal frame of the structure so that came down yesterday. He also went out to the creek to dig out the drainage ditch to keep water away from our foundation.There is always something to do around here.

I think I told you in yesterday’s post that I heard a tree crashing in the woods across the road from the near field. Well, Saturday night when I was going to bed, I heard another one crash down. This one was even bigger. Last evening I drove over to our little village to the Piggly Wiggly to get a few basics. As I put the groceries in the truck, I heard yet ANOTHER tree fall. This time it was somewhere behind the Pig. It wasn’t really windy when any of these trees fell. I don’t know what could be behind it, but I do keep a watchful eye when I’m around trees.

We’re making our holiday plans. We’ve decided to have the family Thanksgiving Dinner at the former Mrs. FixIt’s house and Christmas Dinner at ours this year. Then, we can either switch next year, or just keep it that way. When there is a blended family involved, it benefits the kids and grandkids to not feel obligated to go to so many dinners at so many places. Of course, this only works if you can be in the same room with your ex’s family. I know there are some who simply cannot do this. I am incredibly blessed to have fostered a loving and kind relationship with the Former Mrs. FixIt and with the rest of the West Virginia family and I’m really looking forward to all the fun we’re going to have this holiday season!

Looking over the calendar for the week, I see that the knitting group I want to join is meeting this morning at 9:00. Which, to my body, is 10:00 till it gets acclimated to the time change. Which also means, I’m going to want to fall asleep at O-Dark:30! Ugh. I don’t like the time change and I wish they’d make up their mind already and just keep it Daylight Savings Time. We have a list of things to do this week that would choke a horse. Best o just take one bite at a time of this apple and get it done!

🍁

“Consider the ravens: they neither sow nor reap, they have neither storehouse nor barn, and yet God feeds them. Of how much more value are you than the birds!”
Luke 12:24 ESV

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Merry Christmas! I love this cheery Red and White ornament! It reminds me of Scandinavian sweaters. How pretty for a tree or for someone on your gift list.

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A Day at the Keyboard

Thu, 02 Nov 2023 01:30:00 -0600

With the first day of NaNoWriMo under my belt, I came out with 11,550 edited and proofed words. That doesn’t mean that’s the final draft… it’s just the beginning of my working draft. But it’s a good beginning! It took me over an hour to just FIND the manuscript. It’s been so long since I’ve worked on it that I couldn’t even remember the working title I was using. I finally found a copy as an attachment to an email. I tried every which way to open it and nothing worked. I broke for a second cup of RYZE and remembered… I wrote all that on my iPad. When I searched it, there it was.

I’ve decided to move it all to my laptop. For no other reason than it is new and more reliable. It’s painful to write thousands of words and then lose them in the ether. I learned that the hard way a long time ago. “Save early. Save often.” My mantra. I saved the iPad file into a Word document and emailed it to myself. Voila!

I haven’t worked on my book since probably 2018. Fortunately, the last time I worked on it, I did some heavy editing but I hadn’t accepted the additions or the deletions. I spent the rest of the day working on that and some formatting issues. I think spending time away from the work is critical. It allowed me to read it from a fresh perspective and I am happy with today’s results.

I need to take breaks away from the screen throughout the day. I have dry eye so I need to use eye drops several times a day. It’s really easy for me to get swept up in what I’m writing and forget to do that. If I don’t, I pay for it with blurry vision and twitchy eyes. Unfortunately, I didn’t do a great job with that task yesterday so I must do better today.

I tried something new yesterday. I seldom succumb to the lure of a flashy Facebook ad because I was burned by a couple of things I tried a few years ago. I’m much more discerning these days. I’ve been very happy with Noom, the weight loss app, and RYZE, the mushroom coffee and I hooked up with them through Facebook. So I was intrigued when I recently saw an ad for Popcorn Pancakes.

I LOVE PANCAKES! But most pancake mixes lack flavor and they’re sorely lacking in nutritional value. All hat… no cattle, so to speak.

The creators of Long Table Pancakes were featured on Shark Tank. This guy knows what he’s doing. The whole thing started when he wanted to impress a certain beautiful acrobat. She needed some pretty nutrient-dense food to fuel her long and grueling workouts. Entrepreneur Samuel McClure Taylor to the rescue. Samuel was a former actor. He wanted to make a light pancake that was nutrient-dense for the woman he was smitten over. Most whole-grain pancakes are dense and heavy. He wanted that lighter-than-air pancake that was bursting with great flavor AND wholesome nutrients.

Hence… this pancake mix was developed through much trial and error. The wheat we eat today is what I call “Frankenfood”. It’s been genetically engineered to produce fast crops with high yields for less investment. Samuel went to the farmers who grow heirloom grains. These are the grains our great great great great grandparents ate and the seeds have been passed from generation to generation. Samuel tried popping popcorn from heirloom kernels and grinding it into “flour”. With the addition of other heirloom grains like organic wheat flour, organic oat bran flour, and almond meal… these showstoppers had the folks on Shark Tank swooning. It does have some cane sugar, but real quality cane sugar has such a pure sweetness, it doesn’t take much to delight your tastebuds.

I can tell you from personal experience…I have NEVER tasted a pancake like this! It was truly flavorful. I mean packed-with-a-punch flavor that made me want to take tiny little bites to make breakfast last a while. Long Table Pancake Mix is only available in a handful of boutique stores. But they have a booming business online. As with all things that are really good for you, it’s a little pricey, but for a special breakfast treat… I think it can’t be beat!

With all that, Samuel didn’t get an offer from The Sharks, but that didn’t stop him. His company continues to contribute to sustainable agriculture practices by teaming up with actual farmers developing nutritious products that will not only. Change your breakfast experience… it will change the world. One pancake at a time. If you are interested, I’d encourage you to give Long Table’s pancake and waffle mixes, as well as artisanal maple syrups a try. Support entrepreneurs and small businesses this Holiday Season. Long Table Heirloom Pancake & Waffle Mix

🍁

“And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken.”
‭‭Ecclesiastes‬ ‭4‬:‭12‬ ‭ESV‬‬
‭‭Ecclesiastes‬ ‭4‬:‭12‬ ‭ESV

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Who doesn’t love pancakes? Get this comfy shirt for those frosty mornings when nothing but a piping hot stack of flapjacks dripping with butter and real maple syrup will do. More pancakes, please!!!

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Novem-BRRRRRRR!

Wed, 01 Nov 2023 01:30:00 -0600

Just a small fraction of the elephant ears I pulled up yesterday.

Yes, it’s getting pretty darned cold in West Virginia the next few days. The bad news is…the furnace is not fixed. We’ve tried everything. We went to town yesterday…Mr. FixIt riding shotgun with a mask. (It was a clever Halloween costume!) We went to the furnace parts store and the lady at the desk said not to waste our money buying more parts. The Furnace Doctor diagnosed the problem as a bad heat exchanger. NOT a cheap fix. However, the good news is, the repairman will be here on Thursday morning!!! We did our best. It’s time to call in the pros!

We are about a week late in getting the winter preparations done here at Marshmallow Ranch. Yesterday was the last day to get the Elephant Ear bulbs up out of the ground before it freezes and kills them. Mr. FixIt has always done this particular job. He cuts down the green tops of the plant then digs up the bulbs. There’s always a lot of dirt left on them. Then he puts them in bins and puts them in the basement to dry and keep safe over the winter.

I am always looking for an easier, simpler way to do things. Not that I’m afraid of hard work or that I want to take the easy way. It’s more like a “work smarter, not harder” mentality. So, I stood there looking at the long row of plants with a machete in my hand. I cogitated a bit, then the light bulb went on. I got a bucket and filled it with water. Then I went along the row and pulled each plant up by the tough green stems.

We’ve been improving this particular section of the yard yearly by adding a bag or two of loose, rich top soil. Since it rained this week and the soil is more porous, The bulbs came up quite easily. Once they were all up and laying on the ground, I swished each of them one at a time in the water, removing all the dirt from the roots. Then I chopped off the green part with the machete and threw the bulb into the plastic bin. Voila! While it was still a lot of work, it was MUCH easier than taking the shovel to them. Mr. FixIt was impressed and said from now on, we’ll pull them up!

Cleaned, trimmed, and ready to go to the basement to store over the winter. This is one of three bins!

When we were finished with the bulbs, I cleaned some of the black walnuts. I am NOT going to clean and shell three bushels of nuts. The squirrels are having a big time hiding them in the woodpile. I did get a bucket full and that might give me enough nuts to bake a batch of Grandma’s Raisin Filled Cookies that I can take to my Uncle Bud. He loved those and Grandma always had a batch ready for him when he came for a visit.

As soon as we were done, we had to run into town to pick up prescriptions. I have decided “adulting” consists of two things: going to town to pick up prescriptions and cleaning up after cooking a meal so you can cook another meal and do the dishes so you can cook another meal and do the dishes so you can cook another meal….ad infinitum till you’re dead. And I SO clearly remember saying I couldn’t WAIT to grow up then I could do what I wanted! lol

November is NaNoWriMo. In case you don’t know what that is, it’s really a thing. National Novel Writing Month was initiated in 1999 as a way for writers to encourage each other to finish all those WIP’s…works in progress. The book I wrote after Mr. Virgo died has been simmering on the back burner for at least six or seven years. It’s time to actually DO something with it. My daughter-in-law is a writer and she always does something for NaNoWriMo. She knows I’ve been sitting on this particular fence for a long time and contacted me a week or so ago. She wanted to know if I’d like to be writing buddies….a sort of accountability partner to keep each other motivated. I was all over it! So, I’ve informed Mr. FixIt this is it…I’ve committed to writing every day in November and he’s behind me 100%.

It’s the perfect week to hole up in the office and get creative. Keep the tea kettle on!!!

👩🏼‍💻

“And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.”
Colossians 3:17 ESV

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Legend has it that when a cardinal appears, an angel is visiting their loved one. I’ve always loved the sentiment of that and think of my loved ones who’ve gone before me every time I see that flash of red in the snow.

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Artificial Intelligence?

Mon, 24 Jul 2023 00:00:00 -0600

We've all been reading about artificial intelligence and its impact on the world. The Screen Actors Guild is currently on strike to put some sort of limits on the use of AI in the arts. Authors and journalists alike are concerned about people writing entire books and news articles generated by AI.

I became curious about what would happen if I fed the AI generator certain descriptors that would mimic my own writing style. Would it "sound" like me? Would someone with nefarious intent be able to copy my work with enough changes to make it their own? I set out yesterday to see what an AI-generated essay on grief would look like.

I'll be interested in hearing your thoughts on AI journalism. I can see using it to generate headlines or captions for photos. Maybe for a difficult passage, but the ethics of using AI for generating an entire body of work is questionable. So, here it is with an AI-generated picture of "grief".

Here is a 500-word essay on grief in the style of Ginny McKinney of Marshmallow Ranch:

"Grief is a word that we all know, but we don't really understand until we experience it ourselves. Grief is the pain that comes from losing someone or something that we love, that we have a bond with, that we can't imagine living without. Grief is the natural and normal reaction to loss, but it can also be overwhelming, confusing, and isolating. Grief can affect us in many ways, physically, emotionally, mentally, socially, and spiritually. Grief can make us feel numb, angry, sad, guilty, or even relieved. Grief can make us question our faith, our purpose, our identity, and our future.

I know grief all too well. I have lost many people in my life, but none more devastating than my husband of 30 years, [Mr. Virgo]. He was my soulmate, my best friend, my partner in crime. We had so many plans for our retirement years, to travel the country in our RV, to visit our grandchildren, to enjoy life to the fullest. But then he was gone, just like that, in a freak accident that took his life and almost mine. I was left alone, broken, and shattered.

I didn't know how to cope with my grief. I didn't want to face the reality of living without him. I didn't want to talk to anyone or do anything. I just wanted to curl up in a ball and disappear. I felt like I had lost everything that mattered to me. I felt like I had no reason to live.

But then something happened. Something that changed my perspective and gave me hope. Something that helped me heal and grow. Something that made me realize that grief is not the end of the story, but the beginning of a new one.

That something was God.

God was there for me when I felt alone. He comforted me when I cried. He listened to me when I raged. He forgave me when I blamed. He guided me when I was lost. He showed me His love when I felt unlovable. He gave me His grace when I felt unworthy. He gave me His strength when I felt weak. He gave me His peace when I felt restless. He gave me His joy when I felt hopeless.

God also sent me people who cared for me and supported me through my grief journey. He sent me family and friends who hugged me and prayed for me. He sent me counselors and pastors who listened to me and advised me. He sent me fellow widows and widowers who understood me and encouraged me. He sent me strangers who smiled at me and blessed me.

God also gave me opportunities to grow and serve through my grief journey. He gave me a new purpose and direction for my life. He gave me a new passion and vision for my ministry. He gave me a new platform and voice for my message. He gave me a new community and family for my fellowship.

God also taught me lessons and truths through my grief journey. He taught me that grief is not a sign of weakness or lack of faith, but a sign of love and attachment. He taught me that grief is not something to be avoided or denied, but something to be embraced and expressed. He taught me that grief is not something to be stuck in or overcome, but something to be moved through and transformed by.

God also showed me beauty and hope through my grief journey. He showed me that grief is not the end of love, but the continuation of love in a different way. He showed me that grief is not the end of life, but the beginning of a new life with Him. He showed me that grief is not the end of the story, but the beginning of a new story with Him.

Grief is hard, but God is good.

He is with us in our grief.

He is for us in our grief.

He is through us in our grief.

He is beyond us in our grief.

He is our hope in our grief.

He is our healing in our grief.

He is our glory in our grief.

Amen.

Source: Conversation with Bing, 7/23/2023

(1) Ginny McKinney, Author at Marshmallow Ranch. [www.marshmallowranch.com/author/gi...](https://www.marshmallowranch.com/author/ginnymckinney/.)

(2) Ginny McKinney - Marshmallow Ranch | Vienna WV - Facebook. [www.facebook.com/Marshmall...](https://www.facebook.com/MarshmallowRanch/.)

(3) Ginny McKinney, Author at Marshmallow Ranch - Page 2 of 335. [www.marshmallowranch.com/author/gi...](https://www.marshmallowranch.com/author/ginnymckinney/page/2/.)

(4) 5 of Ginny McKinney Podcasts Interviews | Updated Daily - OwlTail. [www.owltail.com/people/h1...](https://www.owltail.com/people/h12TW-ginny-mckinney/appearances.)

(5) How your brain copes with grief, and why it takes time to heal. [www.npr.org/sections/...](https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2021/12/20/1056741090/grief-loss-holiday-brain-healing.)

(6) What is grief? - Mayo Clinic. [www.mayoclinic.org/patient-v...](https://www.mayoclinic.org/patient-visitor-guide/support-groups/what-is-grief.)

(7) Grief: Coping with the loss of your loved one. [www.apa.org/topics/fa...](https://www.apa.org/topics/families/grief.)

(8) Grief - American Psychological Association (APA). [www.apa.org/topics/gr...](https://www.apa.org/topics/grief/.)

(9) Grief - Wikipedia. [en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grie...](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grief.)

(10) Getty Images. [www.gettyimages.com/detail/ph...](https://www.gettyimages.com/detail/photo/sad-woman-sitting-on-dark-home-corridor-floor-royalty-free-image/1219297891.)"

The Final Countdown

Sat, 25 Mar 2023 01:30:00 -0600

I spent yesterday doing a little housekeeping of a different sort. I combed thought my project looking for anything that needed fixing. I sat with mug after mug of tea. Mr. FixIt brought me a sandwich to my Big Red Chair. I watched the rain steadily fall outside. And by 6:00, I proclaimed I’m as ready as I’ll ever be. I’m leaving it alone tomorrow then I’ll take one last look through it on Sunday, Then I have the big unveiling on Monday!

It’s been a long few months and I’ve learned a lot of things. This is something I’ll need to work on every week, but I won’t have to dive down into it like I have since Christmas. Now I can focus on this quilt and the spring cleaning I have started. So may things have been put on the back burner, but I have a good feeling that the work I’ve put in will pay off in the long run.

When I sat down in my comfy chair to work I wondered where Pumpkin Kitty was. It rained all day and I knew she was keeping dry somewhere. I picked up the phone to look behind me and there she was…laying on her little blanket-covered shelf in the window.

Several years before Mr. FixIt and I got together, the West Virginia Department of Highways did a huge Highway upgrade on the two-lane State Highway in front of our home. Before the new highway came in, the side of the house facing the road was considered the “front.” There is a covered front porch out there and that’s where Pumpkin likes to hang out in inclement weather. She jumps all the way up to the window sills of whatever room we are in and talks to us. We have lots of interaction with her every day so I’m not worried about her. And, she sleeps in the big building every night so she is protected from any predators. It’s fun to have her come say hello several times a day.

I have organized a coffee gathering for my classmates tor this morning. We haven’t gathered since before Christmas and its time to have a good visit. Then I’ll get back home and get to work on the things I’ve let slide the last few months. This is getting exciting y’all!

“He also said to the crowds, “When you see a cloud rising in the west, you say at once, ‘A shower is coming.’ And so it happens.”
Luke 12:54 ESV

All Work and No Play Makes Ginny a Grumpy Girl

Sun, 29 Jan 2023 02:30:00 -0600

I got up early with Mr. FixIt to see him off for his day of fun with his son. My sweetie has a birthday coming up next week, so his son treated him to a trip to see his beloved Mountaineers play Auburn. He didn’t have much hope for the WVU to win, but anytime he gets to see them in person is a rare treat. The joy of spending time with his boy? Well, it was just extra special. One of the grands and her boyfriend and our daughter-in-law went along, to so that just added to the fun.

As soon as he was out the door, I fixed a little breakfast and settled in the Big Red Chair with my lap desk and multiple electronic devices. I worked through the morning…doing research and the like. Then I headed over to a friends house. He’s redoing his kitchen and wanted “a cook’s perspective” on some of the ideas his contractor left him with.

I’d never been in the stately brick home across the street from the courthouse, but I’ve admired it from afar for years. I became friends with Richard after Sparky died. I was really excited to get the invitation for a tour and learn the history of the house. The original owner was a young doctor. He lived in the home and had his medical office next door. He had some interactions with a local family and met their young daughter. He was immediately smitten with her, but she was not of age yet, so the good doctor had to wait a few years before he married the love of his life.

They added four children to their brood and lived a lifetime in the home. When the elders passed away, Richard bought the beautiful house. He is a collector of some wonderful antiques. He also has accumulated many of the original family’s keepsakes and he has these things housed in various rooms of the house. He hosts tours from time to time so others can share in the history.

After we discussed the design points in the kitchen, I gave Richard my recommendations then we set out to take the tour. Like my longtime family friends who own the mansion in the historic district of Parkersburg, Richard’s home is filled with antiques to the point it resembles a living history museum. The only difference is, he loves primitives. That’s my favorite too, so I was in hog heaven. I was so taken with the tasteful decor, I nearly forgot to take photos till we were up in the attic. That’s where he has his toys from childhood. He had a Christmas tree set up and had the smaller toys tucked in the branches as ornaments. It was such a delight!

I picked Richard’s brain about my project and he added some good ideas that I can incorporate. More things to add to my list!

Big had another swim meet today…the last one before the Conference Championship. She is three time zones away and I watch her on closed circuit TV. However…remember me telling you I’ve been having trouble with my electronics? Well, I could NOT get it to work, no matter what I did. So, I’ll have to rely on the word of her mama and Sue…her other grandma.

All in all, it was a fun and productive day that was sunny and warm….ish!

“….Do your best. Work from the heart for your real Master, for God, confident that you’ll get paid in full when you come into your inheritance. Keep in mind always that the ultimate Master you’re serving is Christ. The sullen servant who does shoddy work will be held responsible. Being a follower of Jesus doesn’t cover up bad work.”
Colossians 3:22-25 MSG

#Work, #Fun, #Antiques

Evidence of Hard Work

Fri, 27 Jan 2023 02:30:00 -0600

I was working at the desk in my “studio” yesterday, sipping a mug of tea when I leaned back in my chair. I looked down at the keyboard case for my iPad and noticed reflections on the key pads. I got my phone and leaned down to get this picture at just the right angle to show you how hard I work. I’ve had this keyboard for several years and it shows. The finish is worn smooth from the millions of words I’ve written since I bought it. Impressive.

I sat down one time to calculate how many words I have written on this blog. To get an accurate number, I’d have to go in and check the word count on every post. That’s not feasible. The next best thing is to guesstimate how many posts I’ve written. Mr. Virgo died 3,607 days ago. I started the blog 72 days before he passed away. I would say I’ve only missed about 60 days posting in those 3,679 days bring the number of posts down to roughly 3,619. I’m a bit long winded, so I’ll give a conservative estimate of around 800 words a post on average. That brings be to somewhere around 2,895,200. And that doesn’t count the many rough drafts of my book and the writing I’ve done for hire.

It’s no wonder this keyboard is smokin’!

I love it. Getting to come here and talk to you all every night is like sitting down with old friends and having a nice chat at my dinner table. I love the idea that, come 4:00 in the morning, my posts magically go live thanks to the marvels of the internet. And soon, some of you will make you cup of coffee or tea and sit down with me for a little peek into the extraordinary life of a quite ordinary woman.

Someone said the other day, it helps them to know other people’s life are just as ordinary as theirs. Or, someone else is going through the same trials and tribulations. I will never forget the comfort I felt when I wrote about losing Mr. Virgo and so many of you came to me with understanding and love and support. You shared your own stories. You started talking to each other in the comment section. And before we knew it, a whole community rose up in this little space.

I am humbled by this. By your outreach and by your sharing in this ministry God pressed upon me. Every time I think I’m done writing, God moves something in my life and tells me to keep going. He might turn me a few degrees one way or the other, but it’s always…keep writing. I love it. I wish I would have been more brave and started writing earlier in my life. But, I needed to go through all these things in order to have the “voice” I have now.

Grief isn’t sexy. It isn’t funny. It isn’t popular. It’s not what most people come to the internet to read unless they are actively looking. The thing is, death is a certainty in life. It’s just a passage we all must take at some point. My Facebook stats tell me my demographic is largely made up of women sixty-five and older. Not surprising that we understand each other…we speak the same language.

I talked with my cousin yesterday…Aunt Rosie’s daughter. She sounded good. Sad that her mom is gone, but relieved that she is no longer suffering. We got on the subject of family stories. She was raised in the Chicago area and only came for a visit once a year. Her family had a resort at Lake Kabetogama in northern Minnesota. They worked the cabins at the Pine Aire Resort from from the thaw in spring to the freeze in the fall. Then they went back to Chicago for my cousin to start school and my aunt to go back to work at Cook County Hospital.

My cousin’s family sold the resort when they retired. I had no idea what became of it and I looked it up. It is still open under the same name. Why mess with perfection, right? I’ve never been up there. My grandparents drove up one time when I was a little kid. And mom flew there on her birthday in 1971. Unfortunately, that was the same day our PopPop died and Mom and Aunt Rosie turned right around and flew home the next day.

I told my cousin story after story yesterday. When she said she’d never heard them, I told her I was family oral historian and I’d be happy to share stories till the cows come home. I’m looking forward to sharing with her in the coming months.

We have to make a trip to town today for an appointment. I haven’t been out of the house all week so I could use the fresh air and change of scenery. Well, I was out yesterday helping Mr. FixIt with a job. We had some stiff winds on Tuesday night and it blew the old clothesline pole down. It was loaded with three full bird feeders and and suet cage. The two plastic bird feeders broke so we’ll need to get replacements. The birds will have a fit if they have no food to eat.

“Write, therefore, what you have seen, what is now and what will take place later.”
Revelation 1:19 NIV

Finally Finished With the Sweater

Mon, 05 Dec 2022 02:30:00 -0600

I finally finished the latest sweater! Yay!!! This one took me forever because I was so busy doing other things. But I kept plugging away at it whenever I had a few minutes to sit and knit. I love it! And…this one is for me! I put it on as soon as I finished and, while it is wool and alpaca, it’s really not very itchy. And it’s VERY warm and lightweight. I’m really happy with how it turned out and it will look good with jeans.

I worked on the computer most of the day, still trying to get into the I*n*s*t*a*g*r*a*m account that got h*a*c*k*e*d. Why am I being cryptic? Because there are these things called b*o*t*s…little computer programs that have been programmed to constantly surveil the internet looking for whatever key word they’ve been programmed to find. Then, they zero in and attack the account. Sounds all hoodoo, doesn’t it? Well, it’s not. It’s real and it’s a king-sized pain in the patoot. And, once they get ahold of you, they keep at it. I mentioned the word h*o*c*k*e*y the other day and one commented with a link that looked like it was taking you to a g*a*m*e. I have no idea if it did, I just blocked it and removed it.

I’ve been so lucky over these last ten years. I’ve rarely ever had to crack down on anyone. I’ve seldom had to deal with t*r*o*l*l*s on this page. I hope that doesn’t change now, but we will have to see. All of this has had me thinking. Maybe this whole thing has been a God Wink to lead me in a different direction. Maybe I’m not meant to continue writing an essay every single day. Maybe God is asking me to once and for all get that book…or BOOKS…finally finished and published. I’m praying about it and I’d like for you all to pray for me as well that God will give me clear direction in what direction He wants me to go.

I can’t NOT write. I’ve been down that road before. I think the most I ever lasted was two or three days. Writing for me is as imperative as eating or breathing. But maybe I need to focus that writing into something you can hold on to and re-read as you need/want to without the whims of social media involved. I have SO many ideas for books and I’m not getting any younger. None of us are!

I don’t think it’s a coincidence that this is all coming around right as I hit the ten year anniversary of Marshmallow Ranch. I started this blog as a way to sell the art jewelry I was making in my home studio back in December of 2012. I was only working part time and I needed to bring in some extra money. Then, just three months later, Mr. Virgo died unexpectedly and I took everyone along with me on a difficult journey through grief.

I’ve picked up a lot of readers since then, but my FB numbers stay pretty level. Somewhere over 6,000 followers is nothing to sneeze at…it’s a respectable audience. I never set out to break records. I set out to help those coming up behind me on this difficult path. And, along the way I did a lot of healing and the blog morphed into my personal growth stage, then dating and finding love again after loss. It’s been a wonderful place to share stories and adventures.

I’m not at all sure where this train is going to end up, but I do know it can’t go on forever. I’ll just have to wait and see what Heavenly Father wants to do with me. And in the meantime, I write and tell stories and chase bad guys!

This week? Stay tuned for a trip up to get the a-frame camper from the service department in Ohio. Then the holiday cooking begins. Guess what we’re making for Christmas gifts this year? Homemade tamales!!! Ohhhh, this is going to be fun, y’all! I’m meeting high school friends for lunch on Wednesday. Friday night a bunch of friends from our graduating class are gathering for dinner at one of my favorite restaurants. It’s going to be a busy and fun week, so hang on!

“The plans of the heart belong to man, but the answer of the tongue is from the Lord. All the ways of a man are pure in his own eyes, but the Lord weighs the spirit. Commit your work to the Lord, and your plans will be established.”
Proverbs 16:1-3 ESV

Feeling My Age This Week

Tue, 08 Feb 2022 02:30:00 -0600

Surgery takes the starch out of you. I slept well Sunday night and got up at a reasonable hour. I made a cup of tea and a beeline for my recliner and that’s about the extent of my day. I finished knitting the first sleeve of this sweater. I got a followup call from the surgeon’s office to see how I’m doing. I went all day with no pain medicine…the first since surgery on Friday. By the time the early news was over, I felt like I ran a marathon. I took a nice shower and got the last of the adhesive from the bandage and ECG tabs off. It was beginning to irritate my skin. Mr. FixIt brought me a frozen fruit bar and tucked me in to write.

My friends and family have been texting and calling to check in on me. Doesn’t that make you feel so wonderful when people care for you? I know how truly blessed I am to have my extended family and friend network…from all over the country. And, you have no idea what you all mean to me here. I started this blog as a way to not only help myself through my grief, but to help others along the way. I recognize so many of your names. I know so many of your stories. I feel like we’re more than just a blogger and her readers. In so many ways we are sisters and friends because we share this journey together. I know I tell you from time to time, but I just want to reiterate how much I truly appreciate you all for being here through all the ups and downs of life. I hope I help you in whatever way I can, even if it’s just holding you in my prayers.

The sun was out yesterday and the temperature climbed up close to 50°. As I sat and knitted row after row, I reminded myself, the first week of February is already over! The days are already noticeably longer. I’m so glad I had to opportunity to get this surgery out of the way earlier rather than later so now I can just concentrate to regaining my strength as I watch springtime approach. Mr. FixIt was a doll yesterday and washed the windows in the family room. The gas heater in there makes the glass filmy. Now I can see the sunshine sparkling on the snow. I wish we had another large window on the wall behind Mr. FixIt’s recliner so we can see the birds in the feeders, but then it would be terribly hot in there in the summer. I am grateful for all that we have because it’s way more than enough.

Mr. FixIt and his buddy are delivering firewood to one of the grandkids today and I will have the house to myself for a bit. I will knit and pray as a dear friend has a medical procedure done during the day. We are hoping this will help her feel much better. So, if you don’t mind, send some prayers up for her today. Thank you all so much…you’re the best!

❄️❤️❄️

“Heal me, O Lord, and I shall be healed; save me, and I shall be saved, for you are my praise.”
Jeremiah 17:14 ESV

Learning New Things and Remembering Old Things

Mon, 03 Jan 2022 02:30:00 -0600

I seem to always borrow knitting needles from my dear friend, Gail. It happens when we are camping together. Why? Because, she either hands me a skein of alpaca that she just spun, or she is making something much cuter than what I am making, or I’m bored and need something to keep my hands busy. I’m like a kid in that way. I need something to do, most of the time.

Gail sent me a beautiful gift for Christmas…a full set of 32” circular needles as well as several sets of double pointed needles and a couple skeins of beautiful wool blend sock yarn. I remember her showing me a dandy technique for knitting socks with a single 32” circular needle, but I couldn’t remember exactly how it’s done. I got bored knitting dishcloths yesterday and decided to look up the technique on YouTube.

I found The Crazy Sock Lady (aka Kay Litton) of Centerville, Ohio. Of course…she’s everywhere. Ravelry, YouTube, Instagram, Etsy, Facebook. She has a bunch of patterns for sale. I’m making her Vanilla Socks on Magic Loop. Quick and easy…but there will be a learning curve when it comes to turning the heel. There always is. That’s the hardest part for me, I think. At any rate…there are certainly other things I could be doing, but it feels good to do some self care. To sit and meditate and pray. To listen to the crackle of a campfire with the distant rumblings of thunder over my headset.

I have to tell you…when my friend Diane died on December 13th…I went into such a slump, it really began to concern me. Having a history of clinical depression makes me super aware of my mood. Everyone has a down time. It’s one thing if if lasts two or three days and you shake it off. It’s a different thing altogether if it’s gone on for two weeks without improvement. The best thing I could have done for myself when I lost Mr. Virgo was to buy that little camper. Camping saved me in many ways. When I was grieving Diane’s death, I went to the same place…our camper.

Honestly, a camper is as near being in a chapel as I can get shy of walking into a church building. That and the farm. It’s a safe space for letting out my feelings and emotions. To cry and yell and bargain and plead. Then…fall into the deep sleep of emotional exhaustion. Those two days in the camper before I had my procedure last week were as helpful to me as a month of antidepressants and therapy. I feel so much better now. I still miss my friend and I always will, but I’ll find other ways to honor her…as she would want me to. I’ll find quiet ways to pay it forward in her memory and remember the many ways she affected my life.

I mean, really…isn’t that what you would want from those you love after you leave this life? To live on in their memories and good works? I can’t think of a better tribute. I think of this blog as a trail of breadcrumbs that I lay down for my progeny to find someday. The stories of my life are all here…held in the ether…just waiting for the day when my grandchildren or great grands or I don’t know how many generations to come. Some day, they’ll read this and think… “Wow! What an amazing life she led!”

I actually had that conversation with Big last week. She is getting ready to graduate from high school in May. She has committed to a college in the Pacific Northwest. She has such an amazing life in front of her. Somehow, we got to talking about my life and what I’ve done. She knew I was an x-ray tech and that I did clinical research. But there were so many things she didn’t know about my life before her. I told her story after story and kept getting “Wow!” “You’re kidding!” and “That’s awesome!”

The words I write in this blog are my time capsule. I think that’s pretty neat.

“but Mary kept all these things in her heart and thought about them often.”
Luke 2:19 NLT

Selling my Firstborn for an iPhone

Sun, 21 Nov 2021 02:30:00 -0600

Where the magic happens…the camera on the iPhone 13 Pro Max

So, we went to town yesterday and got new cell phones. Mr. FixIt didn’t even HAVE a cell phone till his work finally insisted on it. Then, he relied on a flip phone and only used it for the rare phone call. He did try to take pictures on it. Remember that? You had a teeny tiny little screen to look at. I suppose we downloaded them onto our computers, but the resolution was so poor, you could hardly tell what or who was in the photo.

When I came along, I pulled Mr. FixIt kicking into the technological age of smartphones…something he vowed he had absolutely NO use for. Except…I travel a lot, and I was headed to Colorado for a month. We were a pretty new item and we wanted to FaceTime with each other, so I talked him into getting an iPhone. Now…if I would have been with him, he would have had one with an adequate size memory. As it was, he purchased the smallest one he could get and before a year was out, he had the memory full to the point he had to delete things in order to take pictures. Not to mention the thing hadn’t been updated in three years because…there was not enough memory.

He still doesn’t need the fanciest, but I did have him get a phone with four times the memory in it and the camera is going to blow him away. For a man who never used a phone much, he’s now an avid news and facebook scrolling, picture taking, checkers playing aficionado now! I’ve created a monster! lol

I, however, use my phone…a LOT. Mostly for photos for this blog and doing research as I write on my iPad. I started drooling over the photos people are producing on the iPhone 13 Pro, and once you get into that range, you might as well spring the extra and get the bigger screen. My eyesight isn’t exactly improving as I age.

I look at my phone now as a computer. I rarely use my laptop and desktop computers anymore. My phone and my iPad are my office, so I justify the upgrade as improving my efficiency and the content you see here. I can’t wait to share new and improved photographs with you!

“For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.”
‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭2:10‬ ‭ESV‬‬

WALK STRONG, GINNY!

Thu, 28 Oct 2021 01:30:00 -0600

Way back in 2017, one of my readers started sending me comments to WALK STRONG. I loved that. Whenever things would get rough along the way, she’d send me WALK STRONG. It always reminded me to hold my head up, straighten my crown, and remind myself Whose daughter I am. And, every time the enemy starts to plant ideas in my head that maybe I need to stop this whole blog thing and do something else…you all lift me up, dust off my crown, and gently place it back on my head.

Thank you for that.

The last week or two, I was feeling torn by all the negative press coming out about Facebook. And…I have to admit…I was listening to the wrong voice. The one that tears down, not lifts up. The one that condemns, not redeems. It was keeping me awake at night, which in turn was making me extremely grouchy. And you know what that means…when mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy. I hate being ugly. It’s just not me. It’s not who God wants me to be.

Interestingly, after I wrote yesterday’s post and scheduled it to go live at 4:00AM like I do every day, I kissed my sweetheart goodnight…and said my prayers. I asked God to bring me peace and tell me what to do about my writing. I drifted off into a deep, dreamless sleep. I didn’t get up in the night. I didn’t lay there awake for hours with my mind in a whirl. I was out like a light…till 1:00 yesterday afternoon! I slept twelve hours straight. That is absolutely unheard of for me. When I awoke, I was refreshed and at ease. Totally at peace.

I finally got around to opening Facebook and there were all your wonderful, supportive messages…reminding me why I do what I do. Why God gave me this ministry. You all are so generous and loving and I appreciate you more than you could possibly know. Tears came to my eyes when you told me my writing had brought you back to your faith. I smiled when you told me you’d miss me if I wasn’t there to have coffee with you every morning. I was strengthened by your reminder that “He who lives within me is stronger than he who lives in the world.”

I know…I’ve always known…that writing is the gift God gave me. It is my way of “being in the world”. It wasn’t until my walk in grief that I really FOUND writing as one of the gems God tossed down in the flames of my pain. I picked it up and put it in my pocket and there it sits…as a forever reminder that there is a way through the pain. I found mine…through camping in the wilderness alone. Through howling in the dark at an unforgiving moon and a largely silent God…my pain oozing out every pore of my body. Through lighting a fire every night and wrapping myself in a blanket beside it….willing my heart to heal…one campfire at a time.

And…writing about it. About the journey. About learning to trust and communicate with God. About growing to be the best me I could be.

“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy.” That’s just the first half of John 10:10.

The second half says…

“I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.”

So…I’m staying here to fight with the full armor of God. Facebook would not miss me for a second if I left. But you…you who are reading this…you might. And, new widows are made every day. People become disillusioned every day. People get tired and distracted and angry every day. I can’t change the world…that’s God’s territory. However…I can work on my little corner of it and make a difference in whatever way God uses me.

WALK STRONG, GINNY!

?????

“So we are always of good courage. We know that while we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord, for we walk by faith, not by sight.”
2 Corinthians 5:6-7 ESV

Between the Devil and the Deep Blue Sea

Wed, 27 Oct 2021 01:30:00 -0600

I’m torn. I’ve been reading the disturbing news about the Facebook Papers and how the company put profit over social responsibility. I mean…it’s not like I’m surprised or anything. We had to know they weren’t pulling the plug on the divisiveness train the last couple of years. And, just about every business is going to push for more profits. It’s the nature of capitalism. But…I’m an advocate of truth and peace and togetherness and kindness. I’ve always tried to be an island of peace in a sea of madness. I’m not always successful…but I do try.

And now…here we are. The curtain has been pulled back and light has been shone on a really dark side of the social media equation. I have poured the last eight and a half years of my life into my writing here. This is exactly the reason I spent three years copying every post I’ve made on Facebook and putting it on my webpage. I knew there would come a day when it may be unconscionable to remain here.

It’s not a black and white issue…not by a long shot. Not for me, anyway. I am a social creature. Facebook is my connection to a great number of people…family and friends….that I wouldn’t necessarily be able to stay in touch with otherwise. I love this connection, even though it stirs conflict in my heart. It’s been keeping me awake at night. And often, when I can’t sleep, I read devotionals on the Bible app on my phone and try not to wake Mr. FixIt.

I’m currently doing a Bible study by Pastor Rick Warren called “You Make Me Crazy”. On Day 18 of the 23 Day study, Pastor Rick talks about idolatry. I’ve always had a biblical understanding of idols as being craven images of gold worshiped by unbelievers. That’s not necessarily the case, says Pastor Rick. “People-pleasing” is a form of idolatry. So is your “stuff”, your “hobbies”, your “friends.” A relationship, no matter with whom, can be a form of idolatry. And, so can social media and your phone and tablet and computer. Anything that keeps you from putting God first is being made a “god” with a little g.

I’ve always had a suspicion my presence here on Facebook would evolve. I’ve toyed with the idea of having a daily “letter from home” sent to your email with a link to my post of the day over on my website, bypassing FB altogether. I’ve pictured a weekly or monthly newsletter, but honestly…changing horses in the middle of a very big stream is not necessarily easy. There have been times when I’ve thought I’ve told every story, shared every thought, taught every lesson I was sent here to share. That maybe it was time to archive the page and call it quits and just live my life.

I’’m deeply conflicted.

I’m between the proverbial rock and a hard place. Do I continue to keep a presence on a social media platform that so egregiously intended to misinform? Or, am I making entirely too much of this? I do know one thing…I have to write. Whether anyone ever reads it one more day or not. I need to write like I need to breathe. Whether what I write is important or not. Whether it’s inspired by God or just a tale of the ordinary life of a woman living in the country with a great love after loss. Right now, I’m not sure of the answer. I just know…it keeps me up some nights.

Maybe that’s a good thing. After all…it gives me time to read some scripture and gain some insight in this crazy beautiful thing we call life.

???

“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.”
Romans 8:28 ESV

There’s a Project in the Works

Tue, 12 Oct 2021 01:30:00 -0600

I am working on a family project. Around the time the farm went up for sale, I remembered a bunch of pictures my mom took home from Grandma’s house. Grandma was slipping into dementia and would often stand up all night long in front of the buffet…sorting through papers and pictures. She was actually ruining the photos by crinkling them and even tearing some of them up. So, one afternoon when her mom slept, my mom quietly took the important and irreplaceable pictures home with her.

When Mom passed suddenly in 2004, it was my job to go through her things and sort out the treasures from the trash. And believe me, there was a lot of trash. She was a bit of a hoarder, and photos were stuffed in sacks with junk mail. It took me four months to clear everything out. Even with that amount of time, there was no way I could go through every single thing, so anything resembling photos, albums, letters, and important papers ended up in plastic storage tubs that I brought back to Colorado with me.

I met Mr. Virgo in 2005, so my life was a whirlwind of fun and activity till he passed in 2013. We moved several times and those tubs went right along with me. When I sold my house and downsized, I whittled those tubs down to two bins…stuffed with photos…and took them with me to West Virginia. They’d come full circle and after ten years, I finally sat down and sorted through them.

I scanned hundreds and hundreds of photos and put them on two external hard drives. When the farm was auctioned, and I’d met the wonderful new owners, I promised them I’d put some of the oldest photos of the farm together in order to give them a history of the old home place and the stewards of the land. When I got to thinking about it, I figured my family members would also love to have those pictures. So, I’m putting them together in a book and writing down some of the stories. I worked on it all day today and it was so much fun. I’m loving how it’s coming along. I know the old photos aren’t high resolution, and they’ll probably come out a little fuzzy but that just adds to the charm, don’t you think?

“And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.”
Deuteronomy 6:6-7 ESV

Please Don’t Feed the Trolls

Mon, 16 Aug 2021 01:30:00 -0600

When you own a website or blog, you open yourself up to a lot of good things. And, as they say… “Into each life, a little rain must fall.” It’s unavoidable. I know full well, when I touch on controversial subjects, I’m liable to get some pushback. It comes with the turf. I don’t mind hearing other’s opinions, of course…as long as there is an attempt at civil discourse. I seldom delete a post, and I rarely need to block someone. But, it happened yesterday so I thought perhaps we should discuss it.

According to my statistics on this page, my demographic is largely women aged 60 and over…not unexpected since my writing covers grief, faith, aging, health, cooking, family, retirement, farm life, and….well, you get it. You’ve been reading me long enough to know what I do here. It occurred to me yesterday, women in this demographic may not know how to spot a troll on social media…or even know what that is.

There is a difference between a troll and someone merely disagreeing with something you’ve said and expressing themselves. It isn’t always easy to tell them apart…especially when things get heated. I get a notification every time someone likes or comments on my posts here…the “launch pad” to my website. I try to at least acknowledge every interaction on my page because I like staying engaged with you all. Most of the time you get a ? and sometimes you get a written response…it depends on the subject and how much time I have that day. At any rate, I like for you to know I’m seeing what you write to me and I deeply appreciate you.

Yesterday, I broke my own rule. I unknowingly fed a troll and things started escalating. In my defense, I was out on the mower at the end of the far field. I stopped to take a drink and I felt my phone vibrate. I took a quick look and saw some heat and stepped in with what I hoped was a calming response. By the time I was finished mowing, it was obvious I should have taken the time to look into the person making the comments.

There were several red flags. First, it wasn’t a name I recognized…I had never seen a comment from this person before. And, second…she got personal, fast. Attacking not only me, but other readers. I honestly didn’t take the time to do any research. I have zero tolerance for personal attacks so I removed the ugly posts and blocked the person. Later, in order to make sure I did the right thing, I asked a friend to look this person up and check on two things…when she joined Facebook and how many friends she had. It wasn’t two minutes later when I got the confirmation I needed. New account. No friends. That’s what I should have done first before I ever responded….look her up to confirm.

Trolls and troll accounts can come from a variety of sources. Sometimes it’s nothing more than cyber bullies…anonymous accounts someone hides behind in order to attack and provoke a response from either the owner of the page or their friends/readers/customers. The attacks are usually focused around hot topics and they are meant to trigger people into responding out of anger. This type of troll gets a kick out of the drama and angry responses and will continue to escalate with every response…often getting personal. They’ll send laughing emojis when you respond with anger. They belittle and demean. And they have a hunger to be fed. If you ignore them, sometimes they give up and go away on their own because they aren’t getting what they want. That’s easier to do when it’s just you responding on your own page. It’s an entirely different situation when you have over 6,000 readers on a blog.

Another kind of troll is what we saw starting in about 2014. Russian Intelligence discovered the United States would be far easier to defeat if they divided us and pitted us against each other. So they went on a massive disinformation campaign to do just that and drew the line in the sand between political parties. This continued during the campaign for the 2016 Presidential election…the fallout of which we will be dealing with for God knows how long. I am sure it continues today as foreign powers jump on the bandwagon, reach into our computers, and stir up a hornet’s nest.They have learned they can destroy us without firing a shot. All they have to do is poke the bear, point the finger at the other guy saying, “He did it!” Then, they sit back and laugh at how easy it was.

Recognizing a cyber bully is easier than recognizing a troll account created by a foreign power. The trick is to stop and think before you respond. Have a peek at the person’s personal FB page. The biggest clue is “no friends” or a really new account. They rant. They pick trigger topics and gauge the audience to actually decide which side of the fence to stand on. They may not even believe in what they’re spewing…they’re just in it for the high of the response.

Clemson University created a questionnaire to try to help you figure out who is legit and who is a troll. You can find it HERE. I’m pretty savvy to this issue because I’ve been writing this blog for over eight years now. I got 7 out of 8 right on Spot the Troll. It’s not easy to apply critical thinking skills when you’re in the heat of the moment. So, before you start throwing barbs back, take a breath and do a little research. It’ll be better for your blood pressure.

We’re all in this together. Let’s try to educate each other and outsmart the fox that’s somehow gotten into our henhouse.

“There are six things that the Lord hates, seven that are an abomination to him: haughty eyes, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked plans, feet that make haste to run to evil, a false witness who breathes out lies, and one who sows discord among brothers.”
Proverbs 6:16-19 ESV

Day 339: The Grander Scheme of Things

Thu, 18 Feb 2021 02:30:00 -0600

We are supposed to have our second Covid shot today, but the weatherman says Mother Nature may not cooperate with us. I’m praying the roads are clear and the vaccine clinic isn’t rescheduled. I want to have as much time between the vaccine and my surgery as possible...not only to improve my chances of staying healthy on our trip to Florida, but also to make sure I feel my best when we get there.

I baked the Chocolate Chip Cookies yesterday. The turned out great...thick, golden around the edges, crispy on the outside, moist and chewy on the inside. Really sweet...but so flavorful. I rarely make a cookie recipe that you have to chill the dough. I don’t have the patience and when I bake cookies,, it’s usually because I’m having a hankering for something sweet and I don’t want to wait for it. Patience is not my virtue, really.

We also took down the Christmas decorations and alas...the living room window looks so bare and sad. The nights are getting visibly shorter though, so I’m not quite as upset about it as I would have been in early January. I carefully wrapped each precious ornament in newspaper and tucked them inside a big plastic bin to keep them safe till next year. I told Mr. FixIt as we toted them downstairs to the storage room...leaving them up this late will just make the time feel shorter till we put them up again.

As I was working on my genealogy yesterday, I ran across a 2nd great grandmother who was repeatedly listed as her mother’s sibling. I had such a hard time trying to figure out what was going on when I finally found her birth certificate. It turns out, her mother was unmarried and there was no father in the picture, so the grandparents registered the birth as their child. I suppose in the 1800’s, it was easier to get away with doing that. And, it was a proper way to save face.

I imagine that happened a lot back in those days. It made me think about how complex genealogy will become in the generations to come. People living together without being married, having babies on their own, same sex marriages, and transgendered individuals may be difficult to trace two hundred years from now. Then again, it’s hard to even imagine the world two hundred years from now, isn’t it? I mean, look what’s happened in the last two hundred. If somehow George Washington could be transported to 2021, he wouldn’t recognize what we’ve done to his country.

These are things that keep me up at night. Well, actually...these are the things that I occupy my mind with when I can’t sleep. One game I play is imagining all the human things that are happening at the same time. There are babies being born and people dying...all at the same time...every minute of every day. People are marrying and divorcing. Tragedies are happening while at the very same moment, great celebrations take place. It makes me feel more connected to the greater web of humanity when I picture some people dancing in the rain while others are huddled inside, trying to keep warm. Some are fed and some are hungry.

On the basest of levels...every single one of us is connected in some primal way. This is the thinking of climatologists, anthropologists, and philanthropists. This must be the way Bill Gates looks at the world and wonders how he can use his vast wealth and intellect to help humanity. When Mr. Virgo worked at the Hotel Jerome in Aspen, he and the general manager of the hotel were the only people with a high enough security clearance to work in the room at the Forstman-Little Conference. This was an event where people came together and talked about the world and how they see its problems. Notables from around the globe gathered...politicians, dignitaries, sports figures, news people, financiers...notables from all walks of life. I found it fascinating and would have given just about anything to sit quietly in the back of the room to listen.

We live such small lives...like ants in a colony...doing our thing, feeding our people, working to put food on the table. I find it refreshing to think larger from time to time, if for no other reason that to shake the cobwebs off and do something...anything...to create a lasting legacy, making my mark on the world. I was talking with Daughter #2 the other day about my writing. I told her...there may come a day, 100 years from now, when my descendants will stumble upon this blog and find it a fascinating glimpse into the life of their 3rd great grandmother’s world. That is another reason I write...and it makes me smile.

“These are things we learned from our ancestors, and we will tell them to the next generation. We won't keep secret the glorious deeds and the mighty miracles of the Lord. God gave his Law to Jacob's descendants, the people of Israel. And he told our ancestors to teach their children, so that each new generation would know his Law and tell it to the next.”
Psalms 78:3-6 CEV

Day 316: A Monumental Project

Tue, 26 Jan 2021 02:30:00 -0600

When I first began Marshmallow Ranch, it was just a little Facebook page promoting jewelry I made in my art studio. I networked part of the day to build an audience, and worked the rest of the day in my studio upstairs. Mr. Virgo was working at the Ritz Carlton in Aspen, and I was still working part time as a Clinical Pharmaceutical Research Coordinator. I slowly but surely gained followers and shipped jewelry out several days a week, when the unthinkable happened and my world crashed down around me.

After my husband’s untimely death, I bought my first camper and took off for three months in the wilderness and backroads of Colorado. I loved it, I sold my house, I hit the road, and made it to West Virginia. Somewhere around two years of writing here on Facebook, I thought maybe I should have a separate website. But, for one reason or another, I just didn’t follow through with that idea until December 2016.

Ever since the day my website went live, I’ve had a link from my FB posts over to my website. Some don’t mind it...others hate it...but it’s the only way to build a social media platform. And, if you want to have any kind of standing with a publisher, that’s one of the first things they look for. I do want to get my book(s) published one of these days, so that became important to me.

That left me with a dilemma. What to do with all that writing that sat alone over on Facebook?

For one thing, sometime in 2017, Mr. FixIt shows up and my writing started to change its timbre. Time, healing, and new love set my feet in a new direction and not every piece I wrote was about grief anymore. Which isn’t a BAD thing. It’s the natural progression of healing, and I am glad I’ve been able to demonstrate the hope of a healing heart. But what about all those people who came down this road after me? While they are in their first and second and even third years of grief, the last thing they want to read is all the happy stuff I write about.

I want the newly bereaved to have ready access to the parts of my grief that more closely match what they’re currently going through. The website is great because there is a list of months and years so you can read along chronologically. However, that meant I had to hand copy four years worth of blog posts from Facebook. No easy task.

I worked on it sporadically whenever I had chunks of time...usually during the snowy months or when I traveled. I knew if I was actually going to finish, I needed to buckle down and force myself to wade through it and get it done. I started just after Thanksgiving 2020, sat down every day in my big red recliner and copied and pasted for hours every day. I don’t think I took more than a day or two off.

Well, last night at 9:35...I finally finished!!! Now, if one were so inclined (and I can’t imagine that they would)...the entire collection of my writing is readily accessible on my website! Huge, HUGE amount of work. I’d love to be able to figure out how many words there are on there. lol It makes me giggle when I remember my mom telling me I had “the gift of gab.” Daughter #2 says I can “talk to a tree.”

Maybe so...but I still haven’t run out of things to say. I’ll still keep plugging along...till I decide I’ve said enough. I love coming here and talking to you every day. You have become my coffee mates...my sounding board...my creative outlet...my muse. I know pride is a sin...but I think what I’m feeling more is...a sense of great accomplishment. There are now 2,558 posts on my website. If I averaged ~600 words per post, that would be 1,534,800 words!!!

I think I have a few more left in me. Here’s to learning and growing and exploring and living and...writing!

“But as for you, be strong and do not give up, for your work will be rewarded.””
2 Chronicles 15:7 NIV

Day 304: In a Frenzy

Wed, 13 Jan 2021 02:30:00 -0600

I’ve been transcribing my posts from Facebook over to my website for what seems like a decade now. Actually, I started copying them over in January 2017...not that long ago really. My son-in-law and I sat for a full day in December of 2016 and created this website. Since then, every time I write a post, there’s been a link from Facebook to the website and that’s where the bulk of my writing sits. Yesterday, I crossed into March 2016 so I only have about eight months of blog posts left to copy.

There are some really good reasons I’m pushing this. With the social climate being what it is today, I want to protect my writing in case anything happens to FB. I’ve put my heart and soul into my words and it would be heartbreaking to lose a big chunk of it. And no, I don’t have it backed up other than the backup you do on FB. And that isn’t easily accessed. And, I have other projects I want to do but I’m committed to finishing this one first.

As I sit and copy/paste, I scan my posts for grammatical errors and content. Any time I go back and reread my earlier writings, I am humbled that I have come this far, that I have the life I have today, and that my heart has experienced so much healing. It’s also interesting to see myself navigating what used to be time-bombs that tore me to shreds. I suppose that is the nature of healing. You know the hole is still there...you just know how to navigate around it and keep from falling in.

That doesn’t mean revisiting is without effect. It kinda wears me out. I’ve taken more naps since I started the big push to transcribe my past. I think my mind and body just need a break from it...not every day, but certainly more often than usual. Add to that, sitting in one place for hours and Mr. FixIt having the TV on and I’m at the point where I want this done already. I have it down to a science now, though and I can get through a whole month in 2-3 days. If I keep up this pace, I could be finished in three weeks or so. That would be a great relief.

I think I’ll feel a great deal of personal satisfaction when I get the whole thing done. Maybe there will be some way of calculating how many words I have written all together. Boy, that would be something. Those of you who’ve been following me from the beginning know...I’m a talker. I’ve been writing this blog for eight years now. I started it the first week of January 2013. Every year, I ask myself if I’m done. Am I still contributing anything? I know I’ve had people say they weren’t going to follow me anymore because I seem to have lost my focus. Well, I’ll be the first to admit...my focus was on grief and death and healing from it all. When the healing started, there came the inevitable shift in my writing.

I think what I do now is a testament to the resiliency of a broken heart. A demonstration that, no matter what comes your way, you can find strength and comfort with God at your center. A creative outlet for my myriad stories and insights and rants. Like letters from Mom. Or a nice cup of tea on a rainy afternoon...a cozy blanket and a few nice words. I like to think our time over coffee in the mornings is still of some service to you, and I’ll continue as long as God brings me words to say...and folks to read them.

“Our Lord, we belong to you. We tell you what worries us, and you won't let us fall.”
Psalms 55:22 CEV

#Resilience, #Faith, #Grief, #Life

There’s an Adventure Coming...

Mon, 12 Aug 2019 01:30:05 -0600

“Where will my next adventure take me???”

I’ve been hinting at an adventure coming up for me this fall and now I can tell you a little more about it. The manufacturer of the R-Pod has just come out with a totally new design…the Model 196. This is the first redesign Forest River has done in the ten years since the R-Pod was first released. And, Forest River has very generously donated the very first Model 196 R-Pod off the line to the Girl Campers for our annual trailer raffle!!! Isn’t that exciting???

My good friend, Janine Pettit, will receive the camper in the next couple of weeks. She will be putting a Girl Camper spin on it with some beautiful interior decor. Then, the camper goes to the Hershey RV Show. Janine and I will be at the show on September 14th for a meet and greet and to show off our Girl Camper version of the new R-Pod. After that, we head to Setzer’s RV in Huntington, WV for the big reveal!

At that point, I take over and get to pull this camper wherever I want till the end of January…which of course means I’ll just HAVE to go where it’s warm over the winter! (And, yes…Mr. FixIt gets to come along…for at least part of the trip!) Stay tuned for lots of fun and excitement in the coming months! In the meantime, here is a sneak peek at the “before” in a video Janine made at the Forest River factory. This is a gorgeous camper and I can hardly wait to get her out there on the open road!!!

https://www.facebook.com/janine.pettit.5/videos/10157250788233444?s=1219785470&sfns=mo

❤️

“For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways; they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.”
Psalm 91:11-12 NIV

Working Vacation

Tue, 18 Jun 2019 01:30:34 -0600

“I can’t think of many places that are prettier to write than at the beach!”

If writing is my “job”, then I’m always working…every day…365. It doesn’t FEEL like work. They say if you find something you love to do, you’ll never work another day in your life. And I do love to write. I once tried to calculate how many words I’ve written since Mr. Virgo died. I stopped at a million. That was a long time ago.

Everything I see or do becomes “blog fodder”. An opportunity to tell a story, share an insight, or discover new places together. I love telling stories. Where I find my stretch is in writing “content”….a disconnected observation without personal viewpoints involved. It’s more like news reporting. I have been contracted to do some of this type of writing and it doesn’t come nearly as easy to me.

Back when I first attempted writing, I asked a press writer/photographer to read some of my work and give me an honest opinion. He told me it would never be publishable. I put too much of myself in my writing. In his defense, this was before blogs. But still, he was the wrong person to ask, or take and opinion from. If I hadn’t have listened to him, I might have been writing for the the last twenty years instead of the last six.

Part of this new project does use my writing style, and I am most grateful for that. I am blessed that I have a husband who knew from the get go that my writing is as much a part of me as my arms or legs. He isn’t the kind of guy that needs babysitting or entertained on an ongoing basis. He has his own interests that he pursues when I sit down at the keyboard. I am careful to keep things balanced, but when I am working on a deadline, I have to get in the zone.

Can you think of a prettier place to sit and write than on the beach? My only problem this day was the wind and my shorter haircut. The wind slowly sent my beach umbrella listing at a forty-five degree angle. And it had my hair in my face and eyes to the point of utter distraction. I packed up and moved up to the pool area. Much less wind and reflection on the screen of my iPad, but by then, my battery was low.

At that point, my only option if I wanted to get this thing knocked out was to go back indoors. It was a good thing Mr. FixIt was ready to go inside, as well. A pitcher of ice tea was made. Some peanut butter and crackers and a bowl of berries were consumed. And my sweetheart headed off to Walmart for a loaf of bread and a jug of milk so I could get back to work without distraction.

I write. It’s what I do. I’ve said it before…I can’t NOT write. I’ve tried. Those of you who have been with me all along can surely remember the times I’ve said, “Hey! I’m going camping and I’ll be off the grid for a few days…see ya when I get back!” Yeah, not so much. I will drive to the top of a mountain to find enough cell signal to post a story. It’s a sickness. An obsession. An addiction. But it’s one I have no intention of walking away from because the benefits I have gained from my writing has far outweighed any inconvenience it has caused.

Till tomorrow…be blessed!

❤️

“Beautiful words fill my mind, as I compose this song for the king. Like the pen of a good writer my tongue is ready with a poem.”
Psalm 45:1 GNT

Feed Me!

Thu, 07 Mar 2019 02:30:52 -0600

“A redbird just makes my day!”

I fixed my coffee and sat down at Grandma’s window to read my morning devotions before I commenced editing the rough draft yesterday. A red flash caught my eye and I looked out to see a cardinal at the feeder. It didn’t take long for me to realize both feeders were empty. I set my coffee aside and dragged the big seed bin from the corner of the dining room out to the front door. I used to leave this bin out on the front porch till one day I noticed the lid was getting chewed up. I used a bungee cord to tie the lid down to keep the critters out but the raccoons were about to get in out of sheer persistence.

I quickly filled the feeders and was happy to get back inside out of the 17 degree chill. It was snowing to beat the band five minutes earlier, but now the sun was out. It left little warmth, unfortunately, but my…it did look pretty on that new snow. I dragged the seed bin back into the dining room and tucked it behind my chair and sat back down. In moments, Mr. and Mrs. Cardinal swooped back in, their feathers puffed up to trap air and keep them warm. They looked pretty fat and sassy, but I knew they appreciated breakfast.

I heated up my coffee.

I found myself wishing I had done more for Grandma when she lived here all those years after Pop-Pop died. Oh, I bought her a new stove once and a refrigerator. I talked to her on the phone one day and she was remarking how hot it was and her fan stopped working. I went online and ordered a fan and she received it the next day. She thought I was some kind of miracle worker. I never could get her to understand internet shopping.

In her later years, when she spent so much time sitting in her chair in front of this very window, her Bible lay open on her lap as she studied her Sunday School Lesson. She would have loved to have had these bird feeders out on her porch then. The birds would have been so close she could almost reach out and touch them. This made me chuckle at another memory.

When grandma took pictures of the family when we gathered for visits, she stood way back so everyone fit in the frame. None of this “scooch together, guys”. Nope…she would have moved back as far as she needed to to get everyone in the picture. This is why, unless you were present on that particular occasion, you only have the vaguest idea WHO is actually IN the photo. You can’t make out any facial features. If you blew up the pictures a hundred times, you still couldn’t identify anyone simply because it was too far away to gain any kind of focus.

But SHE knew who was there. She never forgot a thing. She was sharp clear up to within a year or two before her death. She never forgot a gathering…they were just that important to her. She always wanted us to all get together at her house, at the same time. She reveled in her family. I understand that more now than I ever have. I miss my Colorado family. I enjoy my West Virginia family. Couldn’t the two states be closer?

I finished my devotion, in front of Grandma’s window and another thought came to me. I wish I would have accepted Jesus while she was still living. She would have loved that. ❤️

“How good and pleasant it is when God’s people live together in unity!”
Psalm 133:1 NIV

A Change of Scenery

Wed, 06 Mar 2019 02:30:11 -0600

“Running out of propane sent me running for the farm.”

I had a lovely, slow start to my morning yesterday. I had a full day planned out in “the office”, reading and editing the rough draft. Went out and turned the furnace on ahead of time to warm it up since it was a frigid 17 degrees. I fixed my coffee, gathered my book bag, kissed Mr. FixIt goodbye, and headed out to TOW-Wanda.

I wasn’t out there 20 minutes when it seemed to be getting colder instead of warmer. I got up and checked the air blowing out of the heater vents…barely warm. I lit the burner on the stove and even on high, there was barely a flame. I was very close to running out of propane. So, I shut it all down, packed everything back up, and headed back in the house.

As I’ve shared before, we are in the midst of renovating the master bath, which usually has Mr. FixIt hopping. However, with it being 17 degrees, he wasn’t very motivated to go out to the building and cut drywall. I knew I would be tempted to blow off what I intended to do and just hang out with my buddy all day. Instead, I announced there was a change of plans.

Since my book bag was already packed, I decided to come to the farm for a few days of intense editing time. After a snooze in the recliner, Mr. FixIt found the motivation to work on the bathroom…since his playmate wasn’t going to be there. It sounds like a win-win, I do believe. I arrived, fixed some lunch, and carried my coffee to the front window where Grandma always watched the world go by. My portable desk on my lap, my iPad open and at the ready, I found my gaze continually pulled to the view before me.

There is the clock I bought Mr. Virgo for his last Christmas. There is the little birdhouse my dear friend Charlotte gave me. You can see the newel post my Uncle Bud made for Grandma when I was a very little girl. He had a penchant for all things cedar. Out front, the bird feeders were attracting the usual flock of chickadees, finches, and tufted titmice. The doves gathered around on the ground below, scavenging what had been knocked aside by the others as they looked for their favorite tidbits among the seeds.

I kept hearing a banging sound I couldn’t identify. It sounded like the popping sound the old gas stove made before we switched out for the new one. I sat in the bathroom for twenty minutes waiting for it to kick off and back on but it never did. I sat in the bedroom and finally heard the sound again. It came from the front of the house. I walked around out front and couldn’t find anything and just as I was coming back inside, a gust of wind knocked something on the front porch and duplicated the sound. A little repositioning and the problem was solved.

The deep gong of the only wind chime I can tolerate let me know the breeze is picking up. It’s cold and white outside, but in here, it’s warm and toasty. We have free gas at the farm. My Pop-Pop always said, the free gas was worth more than the farm itself. I believe he is correct, from a strictly monetary and convenience standpoint. But I would beg to differ in the real value of these 74 acres. This is…and will always be…the home of my heart. It’s old. It’s drafty. The roof leaks in a couple places, but not bad. The linoleum flooring is cracked and has holes here and there…it’s pattern worn and faded.

The original double hung windows are single paned in desperate need of a good washing. The nail heads show through on the old plaster and lathe walls. The boards creak in just the right areas to play the same tune I’ve heard all my life as I wander through the rooms. The pump kicks on out in the cellar house, reminding me our water doesn’t come through some treatment plant but is filtered through the sand and limestone far below my feet. It’s been briny ever since they capped off the wells on this property over 60 years ago.

As I write this, propped up in Grandma and Pop-Pop’s bed, the window is cracked open just enough so I can hear the soft gurgle of the creek beneath the bedroom window. You don’t really have to have the window open to feel the wind blowing outside. All you need to do is stand near the front or back door and hold out your hand. The wind blows around the edges quite easily.

A thought has been nagging me for a week till I finally figured it out. My grandma died 20 years ago March 2nd. It is so hard to believe she has been gone so long and I miss her every day. I think that’s one reason I love this farm so much. I know SHE loved it, and I loved her. This is where I feel closest to her.

Ok, so…I didn’t get as much done yesterday as I would have liked. That’s ok…my heart is full and my spirit is warmed by the rich memories these walls hold for me. I’ll take getting recharged here over stressing about edits…any day of the week. Today will be another day and I can start refreshed…coffee in hand…warmth in my heart. ❤️

““But watch out! Be careful never to forget what you yourself have seen. Do not let these memories escape from your mind as long as you live! And be sure to pass them on to your children and grandchildren.”
Deuteronomy 4:9 NLT

Round One Done!

Fri, 01 Mar 2019 02:30:08 -0600

“I’m pretty wordy!’

I finished the rough draft! If you count my blog posts, I’ve written somewhere over 75,000 words in the month of February alone! Hokey Smokes!

I spoke to my publicist friend and she advises I step away from it for a while so when I go back and read it, I can be discerning and find any spots where the story weighs heavy. When I’ve tried this before, I get so sick of reading it over and over that I’m convinced everyone else who reads it will think the same thing.

I’ve lost three friends in three weeks. And another friend lost her mom yesterday. This is one of the bad things about aging. We lose people. My son-in-law’s mom said, the year before she moved her mother to the Denver metro area, she was going to funerals every week. It’s not only a hazard of aging, but also of small town living. I don’t know that I would change living in a small town though. I love it.

OMGosh! My oldest granddaughter got her learner’s permit! It was just yesterday I was teaching her mom and BFF how to drive. While I was 8 months pregnant! That was a hoot!

My brain is so scrambled from writing. You may not get anything of real substance from me for a week or so! ❤️

“Finishing is better than starting. Patience is better than pride.”
Ecclesiastes 7:8 NLT

Writing and Praying

Wed, 27 Feb 2019 02:30:39 -0600

“Prayers, Praises, and Persistence”

I was a little worried when I went out to TOW-Wanda yesterday morning. Were the words going to come? Or was I going to hit another roadblock like I did Monday? I gathered my gear, grabbed my coffee, kissed Mr. FixIt, and headed to “the office”.

Once the furnace was on, I slipped out of my shoes and climbed into my little writing nook. I took a few moments to gather my thoughts and figure out a plan of action. Holding the warm coffee between my hands, I closed my eyes and prayed.

“Lord, thank you for all these words you’ve been sending me. Thank you for this comfortable place to write in and call my own. Thank you for trusting me to be your hands. Lord, I’m not sure what happened yesterday. My friend Gail says you were just giving me a day of rest. Whatever it was, Lord…please make me a vessel. Use me in whatever way you can. I promise I’ll do what you say. Amen”

I sipped my coffee and was about to open the document app and resume writing the book when I felt the nudge.

“Find your verse.”

This is something I do when I want to hear personally from God. When I’m having a specific issue, I ask God to help me find my verse…the one he speaks through. If I have my bible, i just open it to the spot that feels right, close my eyes, and point. That is my verse, and 99.9% of the time, it speaks to me directly regarding whatever issue it is I’m dealing with. I can do the same thing with the app.

When I opened my app yesterday, chose a book, then chose a chapter, the Parable of the Persistent Widow came up. I kid you not. I took one look at it and laughed with glee.

“Awwww, Jesus…you are SO good. Would you look at that? How do you expect people to believe this?”

It’s true. The parable was told to the Disciples to remind them to pray and to never give up. You can’t make this stuff up…he answered me right there. So, I prayed again.

“Ok, Lord…here I am praying and I’m never going to give up. I just feel like I’m supposed to be going somewhere with this book but I’ve lost my direction. I’m giving it back to you. Guide me where you want this to go.”

Just then a dear friend texted me and asked me to give her a call. She said, “I just want to tell you how proud I am of you. You’ve been talking with God. AND…you’ve also been listening to the Holy Spirit as he guides you through your book. You’re doing a great job. Keep it up!”

Sometimes I wonder if other people can hear my chin hit the floor as much as I can. Not only did he send me a scripture saying “Keep praying! Never give up!” He nudged a friend to reach out and say, “You’re doing a great job. Thanks for listening to the Holy Spirit!” Hokey smokes!

I scrolled back and found the exact spot where I went off the rails. I highlighted the words from that point to the end, cut, and pasted them into a new document I entitled “Extras” and saved it. I’m not going to throw those 12,000 words. They may come in handy in another book. I’m back to 52,422 words with a goal of 60,000 to 80,000. I also have a Mission Statement for my book so I know more specifically what to ask for.

I don’t want to overwhelm you with God stories each and every day. There are days when other topics seep in, but even then, the underlying story is how God works into it. I also know the timbre of my writing has changed. But, when something so profound gets set down on a platter in front of me, how can I NOT share that? I still shake my head when things like this happen, even though I absolutely KNOW where it comes from. So, here’s my Worship Wednesday post! ❤️

“One day Jesus told his disciples a story to show that they should always pray and never give up. “There was a judge in a certain city,” he said, “who neither feared God nor cared about people. A widow of that city came to him repeatedly, saying, ‘Give me justice in this dispute with my enemy.’ The judge ignored her for a while, but finally he said to himself, ‘I don’t fear God or care about people, but this woman is driving me crazy. I’m going to see that she gets justice, because she is wearing me out with her constant requests!’” Then the Lord said, “Learn a lesson from this unjust judge. Even he rendered a just decision in the end. So don’t you think God will surely give justice to his chosen people who cry out to him day and night? Will he keep putting them off? I tell you, he will grant justice to them quickly! But when the Son of Man returns, how many will he find on the earth who have faith?””
Luke 18:1-8 NLT

Another Peaceful Day

Sun, 17 Feb 2019 02:30:01 -0600

“Deer grazing outside my window in TOW-Wanda.”

I have now spent eight out of the last ten days in TOW-Wanda and I have to tell you…I feel like a million bucks! Usually by this time of year, I’m ready to pull my hair out with boredom. I usually become less content with each passing day, even though the daylight is becoming longer…the long, dark nights shorter. The only two things I have done differently this year is leave the tree up and spend long hours in my camper.

There is a reason girl campers like their little houses on wheels. They offer us a safe sanctuary in which to create. Some of us haul our sewing machines out to the camper in the fall and sit out there happily sewing quilts, clothes for the grandkids, linens for the home, gifts for family and friends. Some knit and crochet, weaving prayers and stories into their creations. Some cross-stitch or needlepoint, creating marvelous pictures from colorful threads.

Some gather friends to join us for tea or drinks, showing off our fancy little playhouses. Some have sleepovers with the grandchildren, bringing up the next generation to adore our little campers in the same way we have. There are as many different varieties of girl campers as there are travel trailers and we celebrate each and every one of them every time we tow.

Me? Well, as you well know…and I’ve told you repeatedly this week…I write in TOW-Wanda every chance I get. I turn on Pandora, find the Nature Sounds channel, and listen to raucous rainstorms, salient sea breezes, flighty feathered friends chirping in the forests. I’m instantly transported from the chill of wintery West Virginia into another place, another time. My little twinkle lights glow above me…the view out the windows revealing a stoic blue heron near the creek or a browsing herd of deer making their way across the lawn. Yesterday, I watched the moonrise over the hills to the east of the Ponderosa and I counted my blessings in that very moment.

I’ve written 30,560 words on my book as of last evening. Words that take me to corners of my mind I sometimes wish were never there. And to places and times that I cherish dearly. These words stir something in me…always. But they are just feelings now. They aren’t happening in this moment. That’s how I keep them from poking me now with little barbs…trolls with sharp sticks…fairies with tiny wands…giants with hammers. They aren’t happening now and God is bigger than any poking thing in our lives.

30,560….encouraging words, painful words, funny words, sad words, terrifying words, loving words. This thing is happening! ❤️

“A gentle tongue is a tree of life, but perverseness in it breaks the spirit.”
Proverbs 15:4 ESV

13,318 Words!!!

Wed, 13 Feb 2019 02:30:53 -0600

“Making progress, writing in TOW-Wanda.”

I have a perfectly good laptop I can use for writing. As a matter of fact, all of the writing I have ever done for this book has been on the laptop as Word documents. Over the years, I have become accustomed to using my iPad for all of my posts for my blog. I’ve also used my phone, much to my son-in-law’s surprise. He can’t imagine typing out an e-mail on an iPhone, let along an entire essay! I say, where there’s a will, there’s a way.

This is my third generation iPad. I don’t know if I’ll ever buy another one. I suppose, if this one becomes obsolete, I’ll have to, but this one works just fine. When I bought it, I found a wonderful case that has a built in keyboard, It folds up exactly like a laptop so it’s perfect for me. It’s light and portable. All my photo editing apps are on it. It’s really all I use anymore.

After taking Sunday off for Church and yesterday off to catch up with errands, I was looking forward to getting out there in TOW-Wanda and writing. I have Pandora radio on my iPad and I love to listen to Nature Sounds Radio. It runs through different scenarios, most often rain and thunderstorms, ocean sounds, and occasionally a campfire or crickets. In the evenings, if I write in the living room while Mr. FixIt watches TV, I wear my Bose sound cancelling headphones with the nature sounds and I can write uninterrupted. The same in the camper, unless it’s actually raining. Then I’ll just listen to the rain on the roof.

It was in the mid-‘50s yesterday here at the Ponderosa. What a treat that was! This really hasn’t been a bad winter at all. An added benefit of listening to these summery nature sounds is how easy it is to fool my brain into thinking it’s not wintertime! Usually January literally c-r-a-w-l by in the slowest way, but this year that was not the case. I can’t believe tomorrow is Valentine’s Day.

Speaking of Valentine’s Day, my sweetie brought me a dozen creamy white roses Monday evening. They are in my Mikasa vase on the living room table where I can see them as I write. What a sweet man! I bought him a watch for his birthday and told him it had to count for Valentine’s Day too since both occur in February.

It feels good to be moving along on my book again. I’m doing something different this time…besides writing it on my iPad where I’m more comfortable. This time I’m taking the advice of some seasoned writers and just writing the whole story straight through without worrying about editing along the way. I am so accustomed to writing these essays every day and keeping a close eye on the editing. It is a bit of a challenge to just…write. It goes a lot faster, though. I’ll have to say that.

I like the app I write with. It’s called Pages and keeps track of your word count. This is something that’s useful in knowing when a chapter is long enough. It’s also helpful to know your total word count for publishing reasons. The average novel is 60-80,000 words. If that’s the case, I’m really making good progress. The person I am working with on this says to just get it written, then we’ll worry about who’s going to publish it.

And here it is…hump day already. Hope you all have a really great day. I’ll be writing some more! ❤️

“The words of a man's mouth are deep waters; the fountain of wisdom is a bubbling brook.”
Proverbs 18:4 ESV

Peace be Still

Tue, 12 Feb 2019 02:30:57 -0600

“I love the peaceful mornings at the Ponderosa.”

It warmed up overnight and the snow became soaked with rain. This of course will bring more trees down, but my goodness…isn’t it lovely? This is the field Mr. FixIt and I got married in just four short months ago. I can’t believe that…it feels as though we’ve been together forever. I suppose, knowing each other for fifty years has something to do with that, doesn’t it? Oh, what I wouldn’t give to have fifty more with him…he is such a dear man.

I had a meeting with my insurance agent yesterday so I went to town early. I love sitting in the library of the historic Blennerhassett Hotel to enjoy a cup of coffee. Unfortunately, I totally forgot they are renovating the restaurant across the lobby and it was pretty noisy so it wasn’t my typical relaxing respite.

As the fog settled over the West Virginia hills yesterday, I felt reassured that I am indeed on the right path. There are new opportunities just lining up in front of me and it’s so exciting. I’m going to be doing what I do best…more writing. I am so glad I chose to ignore those who, many years ago, told me my writing wasn’t publishable…no one was going to read it or want to buy it. There was a time when I would have taken great satisfaction in feeling vindicated. But, I don’t have time nor energy for that anymore. My focus is forward, not backward. Those who did not support me no longer hurt me. It is liberating to let the Giant of Rejection fall away.

There is a reason the windshield is bigger than the rear view mirror. It’s important to look forward, watch your step, and steer clear of those obstacles meant to block your path. It’s the direction we are going…forward. We need that rear view mirror, too. But only to keep watch on what might be trying to sneak up behind us to hurt us and steal our joy. As long as we don’t put it in reverse and try to drive backwards, we are on the right path.

Keep your eyes on the road, my friends. Good things are coming, I promise. ❤️

“I cry out to God Most High, to God who fulfills his purpose for me.”
Psalms 57:2 ESV

The Farm and Me

Sat, 09 Feb 2019 02:30:22 -0600

“The Farm is my ultimate happy place!”

If the weather hadn’t turned colder yesterday, I would have spent the night out in TOW-Wanda last night. But, with a low of 17 degrees forecast, I opted for the next best thing and headed to the farm! I made sure Mr. FixIt had everything he needed, filled him with more cold meds, propped him up in his recliner with a cover and a heating pad and made my escape. He still has some potato soup to warm up and I promised I’d be back sometime today. I could sit and watch him suffer and watch TV, or I could write. With his full support, I chose writing.

And write I did! As of the time I am typing this post, I’ve written 7141 words since Thursday morning at 11:00. That’s a lot of words! The goal when you write is just to get the rough draft down. Write it all out…worry about editing later. That is the most difficult part for me. I want it perfect the first time so I don’t have to go back over it again. I don’t know anyone that works for.

I stopped at my cousin’s barn on the way out here yesterday to leave 80 cans of cat food and a 40 pound bag of dry cat food. Yes, I was prepared for the winter and had just purchased all that a few days before the cats were moved to their new home in the big barn. So, they were gifted cat food aplenty! I was thrilled to learn the kitties are hanging out there and haven’t wandered off. I saw Kitty Boy, the young short hair. My cousin said they were both there last night when he fed them. There are six roosters down at the barn and they all get along fine. This makes me happy!

The farm is my time machine. Every time I get to stay here, I am swept back to my childhood. I get to feel all those really great feelings again. This farm and TOW-Wanda are my happy places. Right now, as I write this, I am propped up in Grandma’s bed. I cracked the window open when I first got here so I can hear the water running in the creek. We’ve had a lot of rain this week so the runoff is pretty high.

I’ve been really surprised we haven’t lost more trees out here. There are mudslides all around these parts this time of year. The ground freezes hard and when it thaws, it’s aerated. Then the heavy rains come and the ground gets so saturated, all it takes is a good windstorm and trees get uprooted. Mud and rocks slip down, sometimes covering the road…sometimes taking the road along with it.

As Mr. FixIt came home from bowling Thursday night, he called me to say there was a huge tree lying across the road at the top of a hill less that two miles from the house. He managed to turn around and, knowing every backroad within fifty miles of here, made a quick shortcut that would bring him back out on the two lane just past the tree. We were asking on the phone as he drove when he said, “Whoa, whoa, whoa!” I asked what was wrong and he said he drove right into standing water on the road. He wasn’t driving too fast…it was just there before he knew it. It’s easy to see how people can get caught up and swept away in high water when you have little to no warning it’s ahead. Thank goodness, he got right through and was home in no time.

I stopped at the Piggly Wiggly on the way to the farm and picked up a few things. I had a small steak and baked potato for dinner. Yummmm! I’ll spend today writing and doing laundry before I head home. I hope you all are planning a wonderful weekend! ❤️

“My heart is stirred by a noble theme as I recite my verses for the king; my tongue is the pen of a skillful writer.”
Psalm 45:1 NIV

I’m Writing Again

Fri, 08 Feb 2019 02:30:45 -0600

“Writing again…this time I mean it.”

About a year ago, I set my book on the back burner at the urging of my agent. She wanted me to focus on increasing my social media presence. And, while taking a break from working on the book was welcome, that time hasn’t made a huge difference in how many people follow my blog or Twitter or Instagram accounts. People come, people go. Maybe you need this for a season. Maybe for a reason. But things just stay the same overall.

I’m not complaining…not by a long shot. I love sharing my thoughts and stories here on the daily. But I found myself spending entirely too much time knitting and my book still sits. Sigh. It’s not going to write itself. If it were, it would be a best seller by now.

My accountability team contacted me yesterday and gave me the kick in the butt I needed…with an order. Five hundred words by 5:00 Wednesday afternoon! I got up earlier than usual yesterday. I made sure Mr. FixIt had everything he needed. I packed up my bag with my iPad, headphones, iPhone, and reference materials, grabbed a drink and my umbrella, and headed out to TOW-Wanda.

I extended the slide-out which normally holds the dinette. I have the table lowered and a twin mattress on top. I grabbed the pillows off the bed and propped them up at one end. I turned the furnace on to ward off the chill. I jumped in, covered up with the softest minky throw, propped my portable desk on my lap, and dove into my Pages app and started writing. I designed my book cover. I finally took a leap and typed in the title…something that has been eluding me for years. (Shhhh…it’s a secret. I can’t tell you what it is.)

Six hundred ninety words later, I turn off the iPad and looked off into the gloomy afternoon. The rain pounded on the roof, pelting the windows with a sound much like bacon frying. A sudden flash of lightning and a quick clap of thunder told me the storm was getting closer and intensifying. In the early days of trailer camping, a thunderstorm caused me to worry I might get electrocuted. I’m sure you aren’t as protected in a camper as you are in a house, but I’ve long since let go of the fear of storms. I leaned back and smiled. I pulled the soft minky material up under my chin and allowed my mind to drift along till I heard a tapping at my door. Mr. FixIt was leaving to go bowl and wanted to give me a hug. He’s feeling better, thank goodness.

Soon after he was gone, I gathered up my things and headed back inside. The sky was clouding up again and I knew I was going to need to be inside to keep an eye on that leaky drain downstairs that overflows when it rains. It was a good day. A productive day. Six hundred ninety words down. Who knows how many to go. ❤️

“"Thus says the Lord, the God of Israel: Write in a book all the words that I have spoken to you.”
Jeremiah 30:2 ESV

The Poet - From Darkness into Light

Sun, 20 Jan 2019 02:30:58 -0600

“Think before you speak. Read before you think.”

"maybe death isn’t darkness, after all, but so much light wrapping itself around us — as soft as feathers"
~ Mary Oliver

How I let a treasure like Mary Oliver slip through my fingers, I’ll never know. It’s an excellent example of realizing how very much I do not know. The internet has been filled with loving tributes to this gentle woman with the expansive heart…her pen trimming away the excesses of flowery verse and going straight for the pit of your stomach. Her words are like magic…painting pictures of love and kindness and tenderness. Nature was her cathedral. Poetry was her torch.

Oliver loved Whitman and Emerson, Shelley and Keats. Growing up in a dysfunctional home in Ohio, she ultimately settled in the wilds of New England, wandering through her woods and harbor…taking notes and penning phrases along the way. She has been compared to Emily Dickinson. Her poetry is filled with both darkness and joyous light. Her life partner, Molly Malone Cook, was her constant companion for over forty years, as well as her literary agent. After Molly’s death in 2005, Oliver continued on in Provincetown, Massachusetts until finally relocating to Florida. She rarely gave interviews because she valued her personal privacy and wished for her work to speak for itself. Mary Jane Oliver passed away on January 17, 2019 of lymphoma. And the world lost a valuable treasure.

In researching Oliver’s work, I became introspective. How often do we think, once we have arrived at “a certain age”, that we somehow have attained a level of knowledge that we can, at the very least, term “well rounded”? I know a little bit about a lot of stuff, but there is SO much out there I haven’t a clue about. We cannot possibly learn everything, but how sad that I didn’t know Mary Oliver and her brilliant poetry during times in my life it might have soothed my heart. How joyful that I still have the opportunities to continue learning and growing.

We are but a sum of our life’s experiences, are we not? The other night, I had a troubling dream. A recurring dream about a hopeless situation which will never be resolved nor totally understood. Not in this lifetime anyway. And whenever I have this dream, I am left feeling an ache in my heart…bereft over a loss I had little control over. It leaves me out of sorts for days and colors my every interaction, thus leaving the stains of old hurts smeared onto others who have no knowledge of my pain. It’s unfair and senseless. As I drove to town yesterday, I had a conversation with God. I asked Him to please step in and be an intermediary…to block this dream, and even the thoughts of the events that precipitate it. To take away the memories that come back and haunt me year after year. As I pleaded with God, I literally felt the old, familiar ache physically leave my heart. A weight was lifted and the cloud in my mind dissipated. I immediately thanked Him. Then…I let it go.

Poetry. Prose. Words. Prayers. God. They have such power to release you from the bondage of the past…if you let them. If you feel them and taste them and speak them. They can breathe life back into the sore places of your soul. ❤️

“If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.”
1 Corinthians 13:1-3 ESV

On Being Brave

Thu, 04 Jan 2018 02:30:08 -0600

I step out…WAY out of my comfort zone here sometimes. I believe in pushing boundaries in order to grow. It has made me a stronger, more well-rounded person to stretch since Mr. Virgo died.

I’ve always been creative. I can draw and paint landscapes, flowers, houses and do a pretty fair rendition. But people and animals…faces…elude me. I never get the proportion right. I’m heavy handed. There is no “life” in them.

When my iPad died at the beginning of the year and I bought a new one, there was this white pencil lying next to it. I asked the salesman what it was and he told me it was a new tool to draw with. He showed me a program called Procreate and he could turn the pencil into a paintbrush loaded with oils or a big, fat pastel or a fine technical pencil. Anything…this thing can be anything! It was magic to me and I HAD to have it. Have it, I did. I knew I wouldn’t have time to really use it until the long dark nights of winter so I’ve been anxiously waiting to play with it.

I have no idea why on earth I would start with a face. I did a study on eyes. I did a quick sketch that vaguely resembled Mr. FixIt. Then I put on my headphones, turned on the Kari Jobe station on Amazon Music and closed my eyes. I thought of Jesus as I listened to the praise music and pictured His face. Then I started to draw. I tried to “get out of the way” and let my hand draw what I saw in my mind. I enjoyed watching it take shape. It’s amateurish, to say the least. And (here’s where I’m stepping out of my comfort zone) I’m sharing it with you here.

I’m much better at painting a picture with words. I’m much better at making a quilt or stitching a sampler or knitting a pair of socks. I’m much better at making jewelry out of old silverware or antique maps. A long time ago, I tried my hand at writing and I listened to the wrong people. They told me my writing wasn’t publishable. That it really wasn’t good. And I believed that, so I stopped trying. This drawing of Jesus may not be very good…but nothing anyone ever says to me will ever make me stop trying again. No matter what it is I’m trying to do.

It doesn’t matter what the end product looks like. It doesn’t matter if a piece of art is gallery worthy. It doesn’t matter if you can’t carry a tune in a washtub. It doesn’t matter if your words aren’t Pulitzer Prize material. What matters is one thing…does it give you joy? If it does…do that! Don’t worry about what others might think. Don’t worry about being judged. Just do what brings you joy!

I’ll keep drawing. Who knows? My writing has improved over the years. Maybe the drawing will, too. But honestly? It’s a form of meditation for me…no matter how it looks. Be brave and stretch! ❤️

““Now get up, Ezra. Take charge—we’re behind you. Don’t back down.”” ‭‭Ezra‬ ‭10:4‬ ‭MSG‬‬

Starting Over

Sat, 25 Mar 2017 01:55:59 -0600

Last night I sat on the sofa for an hour, typing my post for today. It was long and quite eloquent…trust me. I did something I SWORE I would never do again. I typed for an hour without saving any of it and, what happened? The FB app crashed and I lost it all! You would think I would learn this valuable lesson because I can never duplicate a post once it’s gone. They are original, one-of-a-kind essays. So, I’m starting over.

I needed coffee. Or something stronger. Since I don’t drink coffee after noon and since I don’t drink alcohol in years starting with a 2, I was forced to turn to the next best thing. Peanut M&M’s. Candy porn. Those sweet little crunchy nuggets of love! Sigh. I seldom indulge in chocolate anymore. But, I received these from a friend as a little “thank you”. I’ve kept them for just such an emergency as this. Everything can be cured with Peanut M&M’s. Trust me…I’m a writer.

I’ve had a love/hate relationship with chocolate since I was a teenager. ProActive wasn’t a thing yet. I didn’t care. Chocolate was my friend. Chocolate didn’t make fun of me. Chocolate loved me unconditionally. In its sweet darkness, chocolate told me I had a friend. And then, glory be! Scientists found out what I’ve known all along. Chocolate is actually GOOD for me! See? Told ya!

While you may never read the amazing post I originally wrote for today, you will forever know what to get me for any holiday…ever…for the rest of my life. Peanut M&M’s. Oh, and coffee. Really great coffee! ❤️

“How sweet are your words to my taste, sweeter than honey to my mouth!” ‭‭Psalm‬ ‭119:103‬ ‭NIV‬‬

KIMBERLY PAUL TALKS ABOUT THE ELEPHANT

Sun, 22 Jan 2017 02:55:25 -0600

I have way too much experience with ignoring the elephant in the room….specifically in my second marriage that went on for probably at least seven years longer than it should have. We ignored the elephant. We put a doily on it and called it a table. I dusted it occasionally, failing to see how it was truly crowding me out of the room. Ignoring the elephant doesn’t just occur during times of marital strife. It can happen when we are enabling a substance abuser. Or when we ignore cues from our bodies until it’s too late. But, probably one of the biggest, and most important elephants to talk about is death.

We don’t like to talk about death. It makes us decidedly uncomfortable. It’s too close to home. It’s too real. It’s too sad. Kimberly Paul shows us how to start the conversation. She strips the doilies and the dust bunnies away from the great big elephant of death and shows us how to take some control in an otherwise bleak and uncertain time of our lives and the lives of those we love.

Kimberly has a story. We all do. Hers has her sweet fiancé who discovered melanoma…too late. Hospice was a Godsend for them as they navigated a painful journey toward the end of her fiancé’s life. At some point in her grief process, she saw an ad in the paper for a Volunteer Coordinator for a local hospice. She thought she was going in to volunteer but quickly found they needed someone full time. Eventually, she was moved to marketing director for Lower Cape Fear Hospice. Her experience as a screenwriter for Saturday Night Live and Dawson’s Creek, among others, gave Kimberly skills in communication and helped her have difficult conversations with hundreds of Hospice patients. She gave a TED-X talk on the subject. And she felt a calling. She wanted to write a book. She wanted to start a conversation. She wanted more people to talk about the elephant and make dying the topic it deserves to be…an opportunity to live well in your last years. This isn’t necessarily Kavorkian. We design other parts of our lives…education, marriage, family, careers, retirement…why not death? The next logical step for this compassionate, forward-thinking woman was a podcast series and “Death by Design” was born.

I received a private message from Kimberly in November asking if she could interview me for the Death by Design podcast. I was intrigued. I was thinking this could just be a long series of depressing narratives about a subject no one wants to talk about. Then I got on the phone with her and I got hooked into her frank, upbeat, intelligent approach to embracing our end. After all, it’s unavoidable…why not live our final years “by design”? My segment will be aired in early March. I’ll share a link when we get there. In the meantime, since we talk about death a lot here, I wanted to turn you on to Kimberly’s page at http://www.deathbydesign.com/so you can explore it on your own. Yesterday, there was some discussion here on The Ranch about someone’s husband that has cancer and he hasn’t made a will. I’m hoping listening to Kimberly will help them have the difficult conversation…even if it means you’re “bugging him”. ❤️

“Steadfast love and faithfulness meet; righteousness and peace kiss each other.” ‭‭Psalms‬ ‭85:10‬ ‭ESV‬‬

CONTENT!

Tue, 10 Jan 2017 03:00:32 -0600

Ok, double entendres taken into consideration, I am content on this beautiful, sunny day…sitting at the farm, writing. AND…I have been copying my posts from Marshmallow-Ranch-the-Facebook-page to Marshmallow-Ranch-the-web-page. This is the meat and bones of my work…what my media mentor, Janine Pettit of Girl Camper fame, points out is my most valuable online asset…Content! Content! Content!

I have been writing this blog for four years now. At least three and a half years of that saw a new essay every single day. That, my friends, is a BOATLOAD of content! Now, before you get too concerned…Marshmallow Ranch isn’t leaving Facebook…not entirely. But, it has been bothering me for quite some time when I think of the sheer volume of work I have floating out in the nether regions of the Internet that I really have no control over. In this day and age of Internet hacking, I don’t know what I would do if Facebook was suddenly wiped out and there was no record of all this writing! Out of sheer convenience, I have written every post directly to Facebook…no Word documents, no back up other than printing out about two and a half years worth of posts. It’s beginning to give me the willies, so I decided to do something about it…for a number of reasons.

First off, my initial impetus to create an independent web page came from my agent. She loves my book proposal. But, with the steady growth of social media, publishers look for your social media presence as an indicator of how big a ready-made audience you come to them with. How many books can you expect to sell just by the sheer numbers of followers you have on your blog, podcast, etc.? She told me about a fellow who had written an exceptional book but she couldn’t find a publisher because he “only” had 400,000 followers on his blog. 400,000? Oy! So, in all practicality…I either have to quit, which I am not about to do, or focus on expanding my social media presence. And, since Google does not catalog content from Facebook, I am creating and populating www.marshmallowranch.com in order to be found more easily in Internet searches.

This whole endeavor was pounded home yesterday when I was copying content to populate the new blog. I was searching for my very first blog post on Marshmallow Ranch telling you all that Mr. Virgo had died. I was scanning back through the pages when I realized that would just take forever so I typed in the date I was looking for. Suddenly, everything disappeared except for that date! Just one post! OH. EM. GEEEE! I nearly fainted! I did everything I could think of to get it back and finally logged completely out of the system, logged back in, and (BIG heavy sigh)…there it was. All four years! That clinched it for me. I knew I had to double down my efforts and get this show on the road.

There are a lot of irons in the fire for this year besides migrating content over. Ever since I did the first podcast with Janine, I have been smitten with the idea of having my own show. A year ago, she encouraged me to start and I wasn’t ready. I felt I’d best be writing the book. But, since my agent has encouraged me to build first, write second, I’ve been “given permission”, so to speak, to do something that really excites me. It’s still in the very raw thinking-it-through stage, but coming together. Another thing I’ve been approached to do is start a widow’s mentor group here in West Virginia. I am researching the Modern Widow’s Club as I like their format and have reached out to them to initiate conversation. Say a little prayer that this all works, if it is God’s will for me!

Like I said, the new website will not replace this Facebook page, but you may notice when you scroll back through the recent posts, only the first few sentences appear on the page with a link that says (Continue reading on my website at…). It will take you to my webpage. You can either leave a comment there or hit your back arrow to come back to the Facebook version of Marshmallow Ranch and like or comment. (Facebook algorithms LOVE audience participation…likes, comments, and shares are always much appreciated.) I feel somewhat awkward asking you to help me boost these numbers because, at the end of the day, the numbers aren’t the most important thing…YOU and the message are!

There is an option to leave an e-mail address, through a link at the top of this page and on the new webpage. Please leave one for me, if you don’t mind. I promise I will never abuse the privilege…I will never sell your e-mail address or spam you. I would like to create a monthly newsletter with content that is not necessarily found on the blog. I will be interviewing other experts in the grief community. I will invite others to share their stories. I am developing this site so I can reach more people who grieve. The more people we reach, the more people we help, the more people are touched by what God puts on my heart to say. Your sharing helps this site grow. It’s the Prayer of Jabez in action…it “enlarges my territory”…my sphere of influence. I wanted to be perfectly candid and open with you and respectfully ask for your help.

PLEASE keep in mind, this is a very rough draft page…it’s going to be much more colorful and reflect who I am and what I’m all about. But you’ve got to start somewhere, right? I just wanted to give you all a heads up in case you’ve run across the links already. And, as always, I am forever grateful for your audience. I love what I do…and I love all of you! ❤️

“Jabez was more honorable than his brothers. His mother had named him Jabez, saying, “I gave birth to him in pain.” Jabez cried out to the God of Israel, “Oh, that you would bless me and enlarge my territory! Let your hand be with me, and keep me from harm so that I will be free from pain.” And God granted his request.” ‭‭1 Chronicles‬ ‭4:9-10‬ ‭NIV‬‬

The Gift

Sat, 12 Nov 2016 02:30:39 -0600

Every day I open my eyes and look out the window to the right of my bed here at the farm. I smile when I see the sun just touching the ridge across the road and I thank God for the gift of another day. I look around the room that my grandparents shared for thirty-some years. My eyes settle on an old grainy black and white picture of six children, blissfully unaware that they were poor as church mice. My mother, the eldest, stands in the back, her head cocked with a wry smile on her pretty face. I don't think my mother ever believed she was beautiful but with her wavy raven hair, dancing green eyes, and quick, open smile...she was darling. I smile back at my mama and her siblings. Half of my loved ones in this photo are gone now, their smiles left frozen for all time in a cheap 5x7 metal frame.

I reach for my phone to check the news, weather, and e-mails. I check in with messaging and answer anything that came in overnight. I get up and make my coffee and cereal. Then I "come to The Ranch" and sit with you here. I read every one of your comments and respond in some way...either a "like" or a comment in return. I do that because I want you to know I read every word you write. The words you share with me move me. They make me think. They remind me of where I've been or give me hope for where I'm going. They humble me and touch my heart. They remind me how blessed I am and I am so grateful.

I had a conversation with my agent the other day. I sent my book proposal at the end of summer and I've been trying to write from the outline. I've been just frozen for weeks. I can't write that way. I am an extemporaneous writer...I tell story after story and weave them together like cloth. When I try to write from an outline it's about as interesting as reading the instructions included with your vacuum cleaner. So, frustrated, I told her I have to do this differently. I have to just write the book, then I can write the outline and then the book proposal. My biggest fear, I told her, is running out of time. I don't want to miss this opportunity because I'm stumbling in the dark. She assured me she isn't going anywhere...and that's a great relief! So, I keep plugging away.

After I read your comments and I interact, I do my chores and in the afternoon I sit down and write my post for the next day. Sometimes it's late in the afternoon and I sit in front of my "happy light". This week has been so gorgeous here in WV. We are having cold nights, but our days are unseasonably warm. Wednesday, I sat out on the front porch to write my post and I wanted to share my view with you. It is truly a gift to get to sit here with you every day. It is a gift to wake up to the same view out the same window that my grandparents looked through every morning. It is a gift to have friends and neighbors stop by for a cup of coffee or call with a cheery hello.

I know there is turmoil going on out there. I know there is backlash after the election, but I cannot "go out there". There's a reason I stopped watching TV when Mr. Virgo died. It's too distressing. I don't have my head in the sand. I know what's going on because I read the news. I just don't listen to endless rounds of talking heads spewing commentary. I find out what I need to know then I do something else. It's much better for my well-being. I know I'm pretty insulated here...but, it's the way I like it. The way I need it. For now anyway.

❤️

“Rejoice always,”‭‭
1 Thessalonians‬ ‭5:16‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Life is Simple

Tue, 20 Sep 2016 01:30:32 -0600

We can make things so complicated sometimes. Yesterday I spent about five hours in a local restaurant with abysmally slow Wi-Fi trying to upload the video of my discussion on the Prayer of Jabez. From now on I'm just going to record them live. I never did get that video to upload. I'll have to wait for a time when I'm in high speed Wi-Fi. I wasn't happy as I struggled with the connection over and over. I forgot this simple chart because I had my nose to the grindstone.

What changed my course? Something as simple as the waitress coming and gently interrupting with an apology and asked if I'd like to order dinner. I felt I had just had lunch but when I looked at the clock, I realized five hours had passed and I hadn't accomplished a thing but listening to political commentary in the background to the point I was ready to chew my own arm off. I thanked her kindly, smiled, paid an extraordinarily large tip, and packed up. If it's not working, do something different. Hopefully long before self-cannibalism becomes a viable option! Tomorrow is another day!

❤️

“Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.”‭‭
James‬ ‭4:10‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Drumroll, please...

Thu, 14 Jul 2016 01:30:15 -0600

The book proposal has been submitted! I hit "send" around 3:00 yesterday afternoon. Forty-three pages, nearly 20,000 word proposal for a thirty chapter book with a projected word count of 76,000 words! Holy cats!!! Within moments, I was dancing around the kitchen like I'd just chugged three Red Bulls. Within an hour I was like "Hmmmm, I hope she likes it. Do you suppose I should have talked a little more about this and a little less about that? I wonder how long it will take to hear from her! OMGosh! They're gonna hate it. I mean, what's so important about my story?"
"Shut up, Ginny, and dance!"

Wahoo!!! I danced, then I went out for dinner with Sisters and celebrated with Mexican food! Afterward, we walked around this lake. Michelle timed the walk perfectly so we could catch the sunset from the far side. Beautiful night!

Now, this doesn't mean I'm done. This just means the proposal is done. At least the first draft is. Now I keep working on the chapters while I wait to hear from Italia, my agent. I'll never be "done" writing because there will always be another book, another post, another story. I'm good with that. I cannot imagine a day without writing. I really can't.

❤️

“In everything I did, I showed you that by this kind of hard work we must help the weak, remembering the words the Lord Jesus himself said: ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.’ ”
Acts 20:35 NIVA

Water World

Tue, 12 Jul 2016 01:30:59 -0600

So, what do you do when it's your daughter's birthday and she wants you to go to Water World with the crew but you accidentally erased a whole chapter of your book over the weekend and hadn't quite got around to backing it up properly and it was absolutely nowhere to be found and you need to write the whole darned thing over and it was one of the more difficult chapters to write anyway because it's all emotional and you thought you were done with that part but apparently that was just a pipe dream? Well, you go to Water World and plug in your laptop and write and your family love you and support you and make sure you're comfortable and have plenty to eat and drink and then you float down the Lazy River for an hour while you take a break and it was so awesome you didn't want to stop but the sun was hot enough to fry an egg on the sidewalk and you prayed the sunscreen would do what sunscreen does so you can sleep comfortably after a huge dinner of ribs, beans and coleslaw! That's what you do! And, at the end of the day, you thank God for giving you another chance to get it right. My life is blessed!

❤️

Getting Closer

Sun, 10 Jul 2016 01:30:21 -0600

OMGosh, you guys...I'm so excited! I'm so close to having my book proposal done I can almost taste it!!! Last night, I sat down with my son-in-law's parents and read the first nine chapters to them. They loved it. Ok...they love me and that's kinda like your mom telling you you're pretty. She kinda HAS to, ya know? But, I really believe they loved it! And they know my story. They could tell me where to clarify, where to stick this or that story or tidbit of information in. It was the very first time I have ever let any of my family into my book world. Wow!!! It made it REAL!

This is like giving birth after a 63 year gestation. It is truly a labor of love and now I'm getting really excited!

❤️

“There, in the presence of the Lord your God, you and your families shall eat and shall rejoice in everything you have put your hand to, because the Lord your God has blessed you.”
Deuteronomy 12:7 NIV

Motivation Monday

Tue, 05 Jul 2016 01:30:22 -0600

I've been thinking a lot about my friend Bill's wife. As a new widow, those of us who have walked this path are so painfully aware of where she is in general. Everyone's grief is different, but I would say there are more similarities than differences in those first few weeks. She did so well at the funeral. She is a strong woman of faith and God's light was all around her as she lovingly tended to the bereaved, putting her own grief aside as best she could. I remember feeling like a hostess at a very macabre family reunion. I was disconnected, numb...my daughters turning me this way and that in the direction I needed to go.

I sent this new widow an e-mail with my condolences. I forwarded the e-mail Bill sent me in response to the news of Mr. Virgo's death. My hope is those tender words of comfort in her husband's own writing will soothe her heart. I also sent her a link to Marshmallow Ranch for support should she care to join us. I know how much comfort I receive from you all...surely she will find something meaningful here.

I am surprised at how much I have struggled since I arrived in Colorado this trip. I started out on the wrong foot with altitude sickness. That sent me down a rabbit hole to explore some more of my own grief. Then the news of losing such a vital member of our community and our church family as well as a friend has kept me off balance. I've been doing a lot of self care this trip. Last summer was epic with lots of camping and fun activities with the kids. Yesterday was spent with a migraine the likes of which I haven't seen in quite some time. This summer is entirely different. And, that's ok. It's just another turn in the path, a few more flames to walk through...another layer of the onion to peel back and cry over. I do have a different stress level this year as I prepare my book proposal and my talk in DC in August. Writing this book keeps me coming back and diving into the tough stuff. I swear, there must be a name tag here somewhere, like....Chief of Archaeology, Grief Division. The work is never done.

As I contemplated this during a mostly sleepless night (the nights...that's when it gets you, doesn't it?) I came upon this passage and read it over and over. It reminds me of the feather tattoo on my wrist. My burdens are as light as a feather because God carries them for me. IF I remember to hand them over! Ahhhhh...there's the rub.

❤️

““Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.””
Matthew 11:28-30 NIV

Relax

Sat, 25 Jun 2016 01:30:46 -0600

A day full of self-care is all it takes to make the difference between a roller coaster spinning out of control and smooth sailing. First, thank you for all your words of encouragement yesterday. They help more than you know. I do have to remind myself that it's just been three years. I'm still actively grieving. And, as my sweet friend Jamie points out to me...no amount of busy distraction and exercise can keep me from the work at hand.

My family heard me. I explained where I am in this journey and that I really do try to do my best. And, my "best" varies with the wind. They were understanding, loving, and supportive. I didn't go to Water World and sit in the heat. I worked on my book proposal till mid-afternoon. Then I took a nap. I met the kids for dinner and then my older daughter and I went out to a movie. It was a day of self-care and love and peace and I felt SO much better afterward. Sometimes you just have to take this one day at a time.

I'm staying home today and writing. I finished the chapter summaries yesterday. Today I work on the book summary...sort of a "Cliff Notes" version. I'm so excited! I really want this part done so I can move on to the manuscript. This is quite a process!

❤️

“The Lord replied, “My Presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.””
Exodus 33:14 NIV

Photo Credit: omgcutethings.com

Progress!

Thu, 19 May 2016 01:30:58 -0600

OMGosh! I worked on this proposal all day yesterday. I had to write an outline with a few sentences about every chapter. So far, I'm on chapter 19. That's a boatload of work for one day. I had a lovely talk with Italia, my agent. I love her name...Italia Gandolfo. With a Kentucky accent, no less!!! We discussed content, word count, titles, and where I've been lately. We're both very excited about this venture. This kind of writing is exhausting. I'm speaking tonight at a local church so I have to just lay low today, eat right and exercise. These are going to be the posts that aren't all that meaty because I need to send my creative energies elsewhere, so I really appreciate you hanging in here with me while I get through these parts. Y'all are the best!!!

❤️

“Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.”
1 Thessalonians 5:11 NIV

The Storyboard

Wed, 18 May 2016 01:30:00 -0600

I'm a visual and tactile learner. If I can see it and touch it, I can do just about anything. I can take an idea and make it better. I can write stories till the cows come home. But, give me an assignment like "Write a book proposal. It's easy, it's just an outline."? Yeah, right. There's a reason I flunked senior English in high school. My brain isn't wired that way. I had to do something though because I'm not going anywhere without that book proposal/outline. I had to figure out a way I could see and touch the skeleton of my book. A trip to Office Max fixed everything!

I bought a Post-it Tabletop Easel Pad, some colored markers, and some Post-it notes. I sat down and wrote the topic of every story I wanted to include in the first book. Then I took the sticky notes and arranged them on the big pad of paper in a logical story line...sort of like watching a movie. Voila! Instant outline! Now all I have to do is title each chapter and write a short paragraph about the content in each one. I need to write an overview of what the book is about, an explanation of who the book is for, and what I can bring to the table as far as exposure for marketing. This is the platform I've been working so hard to build. I got a good solid chunk done yesterday as well as taking a break to exercise. I contacted my agent yesterday afternoon and we will get a chance to talk today. I want to make sure I'm on the right track before I go too far down the road. I'm feeling really good about my accomplishments so far!

I get so much out of your comments on here. Yesterday, Deborah reminded me the book proposal was a stone I knew would be in my path somewhere down the road. She advised me to pick it up, pray over it, and toss it out in the water. The ripples will carry out in the distance. I am providing the author, God will provide the destination. When I was first writing this book, people used to ask me how I was going to get an agent and a publisher. I told them I had absolutely no idea. God just told me to write. I trusted that he would take care of the rest. Once I reminded myself of that yesterday, I put my effort on my part and stopped worrying about His. He'll take good care of me. I just have to trust.

❤️

“For the word of the Lord is right and true; he is faithful in all he does.”
Psalm 33:4 NIV

A Soft Heart

Tue, 17 May 2016 01:30:29 -0600

This world can be harsh. Bad things happen to good people and it's sometimes difficult to maintain an upbeat attitude. We all face struggles at one time or another and sometimes we feel it would just be easier to shut down and keep a low profile till the storm blows over. It is a true act of courage to maintain a soft heart when the world is slinging arrows at it.
I strive every day to keep a soft, open heart. I embrace life, and those whose paths cross mine, with as much positive energy as I can muster. Why? Because, during the lowest points of my life, there were angels unawares walking with me and they showed me their kind, soft hearts in an effort to ease my pain. I want to be that person who spreads love and kindness to the world.

Everything in and of the world is made of energy of different frequencies. The more positive you are, the higher your frequency. And high frequencies tend to congregate and boost each other. It is not a sign of weakness to go out in the world with a soft heart. You have to be incredibly brave to go out there and be vulnerable...day after day after day. Sometimes you get stung. But the benefits far outweigh the risks.

This week I am working on my book proposal. This is a glorified outline that my agent will use to shop my book around to publishers. I've been so scared to write it and put it out there for those with whom I will trust with my heart and soul, because that's just what my book is. It is my story. I want someone who will "get it". Someone who will treat it with the respect anyone's story deserves. I want someone who will see it as incredibly courageous to be vulnerable with a heart so recently shattered. I have that person in my agent, Italia. So, I meditated yesterday. I sat with it in my heart. I shared it with my most trusted friend. I gave it wings. And today, it will fly from my heart to the blank pages to gather a life of its own. I will be walking with a softer heart than normal in the coming weeks as I dig around in my story box for just the perfect content. I am playing it like a movie in my mind. I am excited. I am terrified. I am determined.

❤️

“I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.”
Ezekiel 36:26 NIV

Big News!!!

Mon, 11 Apr 2016 01:30:22 -0600

I have been approached by Italia Gandolfo of Gandolfo Helin & Fountain Literary Management Company with an offer to represent me. With much consideration, research and prayer, I have agreed and signed a contract. I have an agent! Wow!

(Edit: I decided later to take my writing in a different direction and am no long represented by this company, but it was a fun ride!)

❤️

To God be the Glory!

“I called upon the Lord in distress: the Lord answered me, and set me in a large place.”
Psalms 118:5 KJV

Burning the Candle

Wed, 06 Apr 2016 01:30:59 -0600

It was a long day yesterday working on the website and today will be even longer. There was a gentleman sitting at our table at Starbucks where we were working. He overheard our conversation and was asking me questions about what I'm doing. He was interested in my writing. He kept laughing when my "media consultant" aka Hubby #1 and I bantered back and forth with that old familiarity divorced people can sometimes achieve. I introduced myself...and my ex. He stopped and said, "Your ex? I wish my ex and I could get along like that!"

I hear that a lot. "How can you be friends with your ex???" Well, first of all, neither of my exes ever did anything so egregious that it couldn't be forgiven. Second, I wasn't the perfect princess in either one of the marriages that ended in divorce. I was a much better wife the third time around. I had learned a lot in those first two marriages.

We are just people. We are fallible. We make mistakes. Sometimes they're great big ones that cause lasting damage. Sometimes people and situations just...change. What good does it do to carry all that anger and hatred with you to the grave? I know, I know...it isn't easy. No, it is not. But I'm here to tell you it's doable and being nice to each other and treating each other with respect is what we do to all humans. And almost all exes are human.

When ex-Hubby #2 had a new girlfriend.....oooooooh, I hated her. I was so angry, and hurt, and rejected. My heart was broken. But the Rabbi spoke at High Holy Days and said, "It is not enough to ask for God's forgiveness. You must ask the forgiveness of those you sinned against." I thought about this the whole day and finally realized there was no getting around it. I called his girlfriend up, told her who I was...and asked for her forgiveness. I explained the significance of the day and told her I had spoken ill of her in the year before and I needed to ask for her forgiveness. After that, whenever she and my ex came into my mind, instead of feeling hurt and angry, I sent them love and light. I asked God to bless them with abundant love and happiness. They went on to marry and they are truly happy together. This freed me.

Both of my exes have extraordinarily wonderful wives. They married well. They are good, strong women. They are kind and loving. They have great kids. We treat each other with love and respect. With time, effort, and love for our children, we have created a large extended family that gets together for special family events. There's never any fighting. Never a cross word. I love them all.

Forgiveness goes a long way toward getting the life of peace you long for. Is there someone you need to forgive? Anger and resentment are the poison you take hoping that the other person falls ill. Isn't it time to free yourself from all that angst, pain and drama?

❤️

“Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.”
Matthew 5:9 NIV

Writing

Thu, 04 Feb 2016 02:30:56 -0600

I've written for public consumption nearly every day for three years. Writing really has become as natural as breathing and I become anxious if I can't write. That being said, I'm doing a TON of writing lately and the water table is getting a little low in my well. I need new experiences to write about but when all you're doing is writing, then writing about writing can get rather tedious. There's nothing I can do about it right now. I have to maintain my focus and keep working on this editing process.

I do have a few diversions coming up. I'm going out to hear live music this weekend with a bunch of great gals. I'm planning a road trip next month. I'll be going camping in mid May with another group of Girl Campers. Then heading to Denver after that.

That being said, I sat here for two hours trying to come up with something wonderfully profound for my post today and I gotta tell ya. I got nuthin'. I had a wonderful conversation with a book consultant yesterday. Over the course of our conversation, I came to the realization that I have written my book in the wrong chronological order. That's ok though because making the shift to enter the story at a different point has brought so much clarity. The only bad thing is, it's going to involve a fair amount of rewriting but I'm going to be much happier with the results when it's done. I rewrote the first three chapters yesterday and I have to tell you, it's emotionally draining. I appreciate y'all hanging in there with me as I go through this process. This is challenging.

❤️

“I can do all this through him who gives me strength.”
Philippians 4:13 NIV

Finding Topics

Sat, 05 Dec 2015 02:30:43 -0600

Quite often, my topic of discussion for my blog posts come from some comment made here the day before. I read your comments during the day as they come in and try to at least acknowledge them with a "like" so you know I read them. Some I make comments on. If I replied to every one I wouldn't get anything else done. I love your comments, though. They are insightful, loving, encouraging and often give me much to think about.

Every once in a while I have to go looking for something that triggers an interesting thought. I always pray for God to bring the right words. Yesterday was a search-for-a-subject day. I Googled "grief quotes". Hundreds popped up. Literally....page after page after page. One I kept being drawn to was by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross.

"The reality is you will grieve forever. You will not 'get over' the loss of a loved one; you will learn to live with it. You will heal and you will rebuild yourself around the loss you have suffered. You will be whole again but you will never be the same again. Nor should you be the same nor should you want to."

I sat for the longest time reading and re-reading that...letting the words soak in. "...you will grieve forever." I don't WANT to grieve forever. Who wants to grieve forever? Sigh. "You will not 'get over' the loss..." Another thing I don't want. But then there is some hope. "...you will learn to live with it." Ahhhhh..."learn to live"! Yes...that is what we're doing, isn't it? And then...a promise. "You will be whole." Please, please promise me I will be whole again. But this is a cautionary tale. "...you will never be the same again." Truth, Liz. You're preaching to the choir. I will never, ever be the same again. But then she goes on to say something that frees us. "Nor SHOULD you be the same nor should you WANT to." (I placed the emphasis.) In these words, I have permission. I have the freedom to be different now. AND it's ok if I don't WANT to be the same as I was before. That's good because you don't walk through a raging fire and not have scars. You CAN'T ever be the same. It's ok.

I've said this before, but it's been no more true than it is in this context. When you walk through the fire of grief, and the flames begin to die down to ash, you will come upon gems. Precious bits of wisdom...golden nuggets of knowledge....sparkling gems of insight that are strong and true and hold infinite value. Don't forget to stop and gather these gifts from God and carry them with you. These are rewards for your bravery, for your strength, for your unwillingness to give up when you cannot imagine going forward one more step.

There was one thing abundantly clear to me when I saw page after page after page of grief quotes. There isn't anything you can say about grief that hasn't already been said. The simple truth of the matter is...grief sucks. It just sucks. Period.

❤️

“And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.”
Revelation 21:4 KJV

Writing

Thu, 19 Nov 2015 02:30:00 -0600

I've been talking about this book for what seems like for-EV-er! A friend sent me a meme the other day about the different stages of writing a book. It starts with grabbing a cup of coffee and a Superwoman cape all the way down to "Holy crap! This is such a bunch of hoo-haw! No one in their right mind is going to want to read this stuff!" Then you eat your way into an ice cream coma. Well, pass the Haagen Daz, kids...I'm at that point. I know it's only because I've read this stuff like...a GAZILLION times that I think it isn't any good. Then I stumbled upon a flash of total brilliance, if I do say so myself.

Instead of going to my usual coffee shop and writing my requisite hours yesterday, I went to the library. I found a table and before doing anything else, I sat there and let my eyes wander around the room. And there it was...to my right. That beacon that calls the reader to MY SECTION....the sign for "New Non-Fiction" was right beside my table! It was a sign!

I set out the accouterments of my trade...laptop, iPad and iPhone for handy reference, and the original manuscript and set to work. Ok...I sat there and looked at it. And looked. And looked. And looked some more.

"Write!" I commanded myself.

"Shut up...I'm thinking!" My SELF said back.

I sat back and shut my eyes and asked myself...

"What are you feeling?"

"I feel like a fraud! Look...I'm surrounded by BOOKS! Real life, page-turning books! All I have is this stack of papers and a promise. I'm just a writer."

"And what do you WANT to feel?"

"I want to feel like an AUTHOR!"

And...BAM! Seriously....just like that, I stepped aside and looked at this woman with a huge body of work that she has poured her heart and soul into and saw...an author! I felt it in my bones. It was like a surge of electricity went right through me and in the next two hours, I got more done than I have in the last year!

The power of the mind is an incredible tool we rarely tap into with purpose. Yesterday, I hit the mother lode.

Stay tuned! And don't forget to go to iTunes and subscribe to Girl Camper podcasts. I am featured in Episode 5: Life's Left Turns - When things just don't go according to plans. Janine Pettit has asked me to be the Girl Camper Correspondent and call in with updates as I travel so there will be more of these.

You can subscribe and download this and other podcasts HERE.

❤️

“While I was speaking and praying, confessing my sin and the sin of my people Israel and making my request to the Lord my God for his holy hill— while I was still in prayer, Gabriel, the man I had seen in the earlier vision, came to me in swift flight about the time of the evening sacrifice. He instructed me and said to me, “Daniel, I have now come to give you insight and understanding.”
Daniel 9:20-22 NIV

Writing

Thu, 07 May 2015 01:30:00 -0600

I write every day. Sometimes I read what I write and it seems like someone else wrote it because I don't write that well. It's inspired from a higher source, I think. And sometimes I write and think to myself, "This is gosh awful." And, I'll be SO tempted to go back and chuck it all and start over. I've only done that a handful of times. Usually I let it go and it speaks to someone and I remember my prayer. I always pray over every post. I ask God to bring me the words to say and the reader that needs to hear them. It doesn't really matter whether I like the writing or not. It's not FOR me.

Last night I struggled with what to write for today. I called a friend in Florida. He is a good sounding board and often gives me inspiration on topics to write about. Last night I was venting my frustration over which dishes to keep and which to let go. I have three full sets of dishes and a sweet luncheon set. One set is stoneware. It was something Mr. Virgo picked out and he gave them to me our last Christmas before he died. But I have no real emotional attachment to them. They're just dishes. He also gave me a set of Spode Christmas china. Nice, but still…totally impractical in a travel trailer. I love the little luncheon set. One of my dear friends gave it to me as a housewarming gift when I built my house in Colorado. They're cute but impractical.

Then there's the set of Royal Daulton china. We were buying a tablecloth when I walked up to Mr. Virgo standing in front of the china display. I absentmindedly told him I'd never had a set of china. My breath caught when I saw the pattern called Tennyson. So regal and strong. So sophisticated and delicate. I loved them at first sight. I received eight place settings my next birthday. I sat down on the floor and cried like a little girl because I'd never had anything so beautiful. I cannot get rid of them. Thank God I have friends here who have offered space in their basements or storage sheds to store things I just can't part with till I have more time to consider what I want to do with them.

Which brings me to my point. I had prattled on and on about the dilemma of the dishes till I finally told my friend there wasn't anything I could do about it right at that moment anyway. It was time to start unwinding and get to sleep. I thanked him for listening. Sometimes that's all you need…someone to hear you. Someone to say, "You're doing fine. Just keep moving forward."

What I have to write about is not always profound. It's not always some deep thought provoking essay. Sometimes it's just an ordinary problem like what to do with the dishes. And that's ok. Maybe one of you doesn't know what to do with your dishes and you might find inspiration. Maybe you're who I was meant to talk to today.

❤

"But as for you, be strong and do not give up, for your work will be rewarded.”
2 Chronicles 15:7

The Written Word

Sun, 29 Mar 2015 01:30:00 -0600

I went to a Pub Church last Sunday evening. It was described to me ahead of time as a "Bible Study" but I found it to be more of an open and frank discussion about different topics gleaned from the Bible. Our discussion Sunday was whether we each have a purpose individually, or was He thinking more of the collective "we" having a greater purpose. We discussed if, how, and when God speaks to us. God speaks to me a lot and I treasure those moments. I also understand there are skeptics out there. A psychiatrist would have a field day with you if you tell him or her that you can actually hear the Voice of God. They have diagnoses for that.

There have been distinct moments I have actually heard an external voice that I attributed to God. One case in particular was standing in my kitchen, going through the mail. I was reading the returns on my 401k and feeling pretty smug that it was looking so good. Suddenly, I heard the Voice, loud and clear. "Get out! Get out now!" My immediate reaction? "Are you kidding me? At this rate, we can retire early!" When was this, you ask? Oh…2008…a month before the BIG collapse in the market. I didn't heed the warning and lost over half my life's savings. So, now when I hear that Voice, I listen. Most of the time, it's not the external BOOMING Voice. Usually it's that still, small voice that whispers in my gut. I keep hearing, "Write! Write! Write!" I keep saying, "There's no money coming in. I need to work." I keep getting, "I will provide." So, I am trusting and writing. I know, in my heart, I am doing what I was brought here to do. Doors open, when I least expect it. Life is good…most of the time. God is good…all of the time.

❤

"When he has brought out all his own, he goes on ahead of them, and his sheep follow him because they know his voice. But they will never follow a stranger; in fact, they will run away from him because they do not recognize a stranger’s voice.”
John 10:4-5

Is it Spring Yet?

Thu, 05 Mar 2015 02:30:00 -0600

Wow, it is amazing how quickly the river has risen above flood stage. And it's powerful. I never saw this river as having much of a current but the chunks of ice are flying by. Along with trees, boats, docks, storage sheds, and all manner of things! I have a healthy respect for raging flood waters. Not to worry, there is zero chance of me being swept away. I'm way up above the flood plain.

Our challenge du jour is more snow. I make fun of WV shutting down with a skiff of snow but I have to say, I'd rather drive in 2 feet of Colorado snow and leave 2 inches of WV snow alone. There were nonstop wrecks all night last night but I'm looking forward to seeing the snow this morning.

A friend and I worked on her bathroom again yesterday. We carried the vanity and medicine chest upstairs. We measured and got everything ready to attach them to the wall. We're going to have to take a break for a day or so with this snow.

I'll be writing today. If you are experiencing bad weather, please be safe. If you are experiencing really great weather, please refrain from flaunting that fact! lol

❤

"This is what the Lord says: “See how the waters are rising in the north; they will become an overflowing torrent. They will overflow the land and everything in it, the towns and those who live in them. The people will cry out; all who dwell in the land will wail"
Jeremiah 47:2

Wowza!

Fri, 27 Feb 2015 02:30:00 -0600

SO much to write about today! First off, I was thrilled that my article has been picked up and published on The Tiny House Blog! Last week it was featured on Comet Camper. Thank you, Mariah and Kent! You can find the article HERE. I've gotta tell ya, I was dancing in my boots over here! I've receive amazing response from more beautiful people. I'm living a charmed life! ❤

The second thing is…Ms. Fixit strikes again! I finally got some help with a problem I've had the last several days. The fan on my converter box in TOW-Wanda has been running continuously for four days. The fan runs to cool the converter when power is being drawn through. I contacted several of the RV pages here on FB and no one had an answer. I contacted the help line for my trailer and they didn't have a clue. I was looking through my paperwork and found the booklet for the converter box and called their tech support. After laying on the floor and taking fuses out, putting them back, taking just a few out, trying this and that, we finally tracked the problem to the electronic jack. The guy thinks with the cold weather, moisture got down in it and it's causing a short so there was a load going to the box making the fan run to cool it. He suggested I take the 30 amp fuse out of the pigtail that comes off the battery and hook everything back up. Yay! Fan's off, no load to the box so nothing will overheat, and when I hook up, I just need to pop the fuse back in and it will work. That noisy fan was driving me botso!

I tried to get some TV channels through my onboard antenna so I can watch The Voice. No such luck. A friend let me borrow her external antenna and it doesn't work either. Ahhh, well….there are worse things than missing Blake Shelton and Adam Levine and Pharrel. I don't know what they are, but I'm sure there must be! ;-)

This picture is the view out my bedroom window every morning. I can hear the tugboats going up and down the river and I just love it. The other night I was fixing a cup of tea and heard something that sounded like someone pouring a bag of ice into a cooler…except it was continuous. I opened the door and could tell it was coming from the river. Pretty soon, here came a tugboat up the river and the sound was the ice breaking and scraping down the sides of the empty barges it was pushing. I'm telling you, this is an experience I am never going to forget! Thank you, my friends, for letting me camp here.

❤

"A person finds joy in giving an apt reply— and how good is a timely word! The path of life leads upward for the prudent to keep them from going down to the realm of the dead. The Lord tears down the house of the proud, but he sets the widow’s boundary stones in place."
Proverbs 15:23-25

Nesting

Wed, 18 Feb 2015 02:30:00 -0600

Last fall, shortly after arriving in West Virginia, I was rummaging around in the top of the cellar house when my aunt called up to me to bring an old leather satchel down that was under the bed. When I got it to the house, she told me I was in for a treat. The satchel was filled with old letters written through a courtship. There were old keys, a little porcelain cup, a tiny plastic doll in a box, postcards, a pocket knife, a change purse. These were obviously someone's treasures. I sat late into the night, reading old letters, tracing my fingers over the rim of the cup, wondering about those two people from so long ago. I wondered who they were, what were their dreams, did they live happily ever after?

Suddenly, an entire elaborate story popped in my head. I mean, full length Disney movie story and I could hardly wait to start writing it. Then one thing and another happened and the living situation changed at the farm so the story got put on the back burner…till yesterday. I knew there was a reason I made my dinette into a day bed. It's a perfect little nest…a sunroom…where I can curl up and write to my heart's content. And that's what I did with my day yesterday. The children's book is complete in my head…I just need to give birth to it. Writing is such a labor of love for me, be it here at "The Ranch" or off chasing the mystery of the old leather satchel. I am so grateful for the gifts of words.

❤

"My heart is stirred by a noble theme as I recite my verses for the king; my tongue is the pen of a skillful writer."
Psalm 45:1 NIV

Writing

Sun, 11 Jan 2015 02:30:00 -0600

I don't know the exact date, but I began this page in January 2013. I've written very nearly every single day for two years now, minus a short stretch immediately following Mr. Virgo's death. Writing has become as second nature to me as dressing and brushing my teeth. If for some reason I cannot write a post, I feel so off-kilter I can hardly stand it. And, as much as I love to talk, every so often I get a little "writer's block" and I panic. What if I've finally run out of things to say? What if I've told every story I have? What if this is all there is….days and weeks and months of death and dying and grief only to be faced with a little sunshine and a lot of "What now?"

While my intent with this page has always been to help others who are walking a path of grief, it hasn't been all about giving. I've done a lot of receiving in the process. And I have done a tremendous amount of healing. While you're never "over" grief…you do get past the worst of it and life starts to be good again. There comes a time when you want to change your focus. You don't want to sit with it in your lap all the time. We are all on different points of the spectrum. Some of you have recent losses….for some it has been years. Some have never had to face widowhood, but gain insight and hope here for survival should that change. We are all going to face loss in one form or another. Having a place to go to share our experiences and to learn and talk about our hopes and fears has been a lifeline for many, including me. I don't want that to change. I don't know if it's where I am on the journey, or if it's a reflection of all the changes I've been going through lately, but I'm finding myself in the awkward position of writing a grief blog and not wanting to talk about grief. At least not all the time, every day, day after day. It's feeling a bit like wearing a sweater that got shrunk a little in the wash. I'm having to tug it here and there to make it fit.

I don't want to quit writing. I also don't want to let anyone down who looks forward to my musings to gain insight into the mass confusion of grief. There is quite a volume of material on this page and even I scroll back from time to time and read posts from early on as a reminder. I hope you will continue to indulge me as I stretch and write about other things besides grief. I'm sure the subject will be revisited when the tide comes in.

I'm feeling the need to breathe the cold air of January deep within me and freshen my brain and my heart…to air out the rooms so long draped with the shrouds of despair. I want to work my body and my mind and feel alive. I want a fresh coat of white paint to reflect the light. This is another phase of the grief process….just without all the darkness involved. I've turned a corner.

❤

West Virginia Sunset

Mon, 28 Jul 2014 01:30:03 -0600

“West Virginia Sunset”

I had such a wonderful day today! I went to my cousin’s and worked all day on the computer. I had printed out the book then went over it with a fine toothed comb and a red pen over the weekend. I put the corrections in today and sent the finished product to Dropbox. My friend Sue will pick it up and convert it to the software program publishers like and then put it back in Dropbox. I’m sure there will be lots of reading and re-reading in the coming weeks but it felt grand to get this far!

I bought paint today for the upstairs room of the cellar house. I will take before and after photos to show you the project! I want to get it painted this week so when I come back, I can just put my stuff in there. This is getting pretty exciting!!!

Greetings from Wild, Wonderful West Virginia!!!

Wed, 16 Jul 2014 01:30:41 -0600

“Writing with a View!”

Just popping in to say hello and PROVE to you all that I am writing my book! I have a goal set before me to have the rough draft sent by the first of next week. 74,000 words at this point. My daughter always said I could talk to a tree!

Writing

Sat, 28 Jun 2014 01:30:50 -0600

“I want to write, but more than that, I want to bring out all kinds of things that lie buried deep in my heart.” Anne Frank

I write every day. Once it became apparent this page was going to be more about my journey than my jewelry, I made a commitment to sit down and think about where I am in the moment and where I am on my journey. I made a commitment to be brutally honest, whether it was pretty or not. So I write…every single day. Except when I know I will be out of cell range. Then I write several days worth of posts ahead of time and schedule one to be published every day that I’m gone. I made a commitment. To you. To myself. I am proud to have this opportunity to share with so many loving, supportive people. I am touched that I have the opportunity to help others on their journey. It’s a blessing.

I will have plenty of time while I’m here to do some serious writing. I also have plenty if time to hang out with my friend and peace mentor and let my inner child out to play. So often in life, our responsibilities make us too serious. They take away all the fun out of life. We have to “make hay when the sun shines” and get outside and play because before we know it, we’ll be shoveling snow wondering where July went!

May you step away from the computer, the TV, the cell phone, the laundry and the chores long enough to go outside and put your bare feet in the grass today. Go ahead…do it! You know you want to!

We’ll catch up later!