With Christmas just over a week away, those of us grieving a loss may find some significant potholes on the road ahead. The more recent the loss, the deeper they are likely to be. But it doesn’t mean we’re out of the woods just because a significant amount of time has passed. Everyone experiences grief differently, but feeling a loss more intensely during significant events like birthdays, anniversaries, and holidays seems to be a common denominator amongst those who are grieving.

This might be a good time to think about whether what you are feeling is the natural process of grief or if you are experiencing complicated grief or depression. Grief is the response to the loss of someone or something you love. The deeper your attachment, the deeper your grief. “Normal” grief has a tendency to improve over time and you are likely to experience moments of happiness interspersed with the pain of your loss. If, after a period of time, you are showing no signs of improvement or your grief is actually worsening, you may be experiencing complicated grief. Complicated grief needs intervention and can be treated with cognitive therapy. Typically someone who is clinically depressed feels hopeless and helpless and finds no joy in life. Depression also needs intervention and the care of a mental health professional.

Many who grieve avoid the holidays altogether and other situations that act as emotional triggers. Avoidance usually puts off the inevitable and eventually you end up having to deal with the pain…sometimes twice as hard. While sidestepping some events may be necessary, I personally feel better if I stretch myself and make myself walk through some discomfort. That way it’s a little easier the next time. That being said, don’t be afraid to set boundaries if you need to and take care of yourself. Try different things to see what works. Enlist the help of a trusted friend or family member who is enlightened in the nature of grief. Take small bites till you can tolerate longer or more intense social interactions. Avoid isolating yourself entirely in an attempt to avoid feeling bad. And don’t be afraid to ask for help from a trained professional with experience in grief support. There is nothing wrong with seeking help, no matter how long it’s been since your loss.

Remember, there is no “normal” grief. It doesn’t run on a time table. There aren’t unified stages you go through in any particular order. There are as many different experiences of grief as there are different lives. Be gentle with yourself in the coming days.

❤️

“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”

Psalm 34:18 NIV