I love watching the tugboats pushing the barges up and down the river. I especially love watching them navigate the twists and turns. It reminds me of the path my life has taken. The tugboat is affixed to the barges so they move as one unit. They don’t face forward like driving a car and steering into the turn. Their propellers turn and swing their rear ends around till the nose is faced in the direction they want to go. God turns our propellers in the direction He wants us to go and it doesn’t matter how much we fight to maintain control. It’s best to just let loose of the wheel and go with the flow.

I was reminded of this as I sat down at the river and watched the comings and goings of the barges. Yesterday would have been the day I was going to meet up with my gentleman friend and perhaps start a new path together. At least, that’s what we had talked about all summer. When he called suddenly a couple weeks ago and said he had become “re-involved” with a previous relationship and that he would no longer be calling me, there was an instant empty spot that I didn’t even realize I was letting him fill.

I do my best thinking as I drive and I’ve driven a lot in the last ten days. I went through various scenarios in my mind trying to reconcile my feelings about yet another change in my path. First off, it had nothing to do with me and everything to do with his path, his journey. It is the nature of relationship that there are two paths and sometimes they diverge. Second, I have work to do that would not get done if I were busy nurturing a love affair. I have writing that needs to come out…a book that needs to be borne. I also need to rethink how I approach my interactions with men and not see them as potential mates. If not, I’m going to go through this every single time I date someone. That doesn’t feel good.

I toyed with the idea of sending him a note to let him know I had arrived safely, till I realized if he cared to know that information, he would ask. So, here’s how I have settled it in my head. Maybe he hooked up with an old flame. Maybe not. Maybe I scared him off. Maybe he just decided we are too different. Maybe he’s a player and that just slipped by me. Doesn’t matter. I have decided he just didn’t want me to whip his butt at pickleball. That would have been embarrassing!

Yes, God stepped in here and changed my path, yet again. I just have to listen for the gentle whispers and follow directions.

❤️

“The Lord your God has blessed you in all the work of your hands. He has watched over your journey through this vast wilderness. These forty years the Lord your God has been with you, and you have not lacked anything.”

Deuteronomy 2:7