One of the most difficult situations I face in this life is conflict. Whether the roots lie in my upbringing in the chaotic presence of an alcoholic father or based on my personality, I’ve spent years living with an elephant, putting a doily on it and calling it a table rather than, God forbid, DISCUSS said behemoth. I imagine this is true, to some degree or another, for most of us. There must be some people who thrive on conflict or we wouldn’t have lawyers and politicians. Some people just seem better at navigating it than others.
Codependency is a big factor in avoiding conflict. Codependent people would rather walk through broken glass barefoot than hurt someone, even if it means not having a life of their own. I know, I lived with that for a long, long time. I’m better equipped now to stand up and speak my mind than I used to be…even as recently as when Mr. Virgo was living. Something about being on your own helps you become stronger and more assertive. That doesn’t mean I enjoy or look forward to conflict of any kind, but I can navigate it more easily.
Some people are just difficult and antagonistic. They speak without regard for the feelings of others. These people can be intimidating, to say the least. Two strong-willed, independent people may end up resorting to verbal fisticuffs as opposed to rational give-and-take problem-solving dialog.
I have some conversations coming up that are causing me to pull up from my inner stores strength that I only began to access in the last couple of years. These conversations involve encouraging the bravery of others. They are heading in different directions. They both have different perspectives. Same loss. And, both conversations have the potential of getting uncomfortable. But, if approached from a place of love and prayer, I am convinced my words will be delivered, and hopefully received, in the spirit they are intended. And, my ears and heart will be open to hear the other parties.
See how that circles right back around to love? Like I said in yesterday’s post, the bottom line in every action and interaction should be love. It isn’t always easy to keep that as your focus as we can easily be put on the defensive and lash out. I had just such an interaction last week that I regret immensely. We can just try to make it right and strive for improvement every day. And pray for the right words.
❤️
“My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry,”
James 1:19 NIV