“Houston, we’ve had a problem here.” When Jack Swigert radioed this message to Ground Control, he and his fellow astronauts must have felt completely out of control. Fortunately for them, there was a whole team of engineers back home who worked feverishly to jury rig a solution before the space capsule ran out of oxygen.

Control is just an illusion for the most part. I mean, we can control our behaviors, our choices, maybe parts of our environment. There ARE areas of life where we can exert some control. But most of the time we are at the mercy of circumstance. So, what is this issue of control so many of us have? Just Friday I had nuclear meltdown over going out on the boat and not “having control of my environment”. And yesterday? Well, I spent six hours out on that same boat with those same people and I was perfectly fine. What was the difference? I was the same person yesterday as I was Friday. The difference was relaxation, positive self-talk, and understanding friends who supported me by reassuring me if there were any need whatsoever, they could easily pull to shore. It’s not like we were going to be out in the middle of the ocean, after all. I had a glorious day watching the sternwheel races then dancing for two hours, on said boat, as we sat alongside the barge housing the stage for a great band. Afterwards, we went upriver to see the locks so they could show me how they work.

Control. We honestly have very little. We delude ourselves into thinking we do. Especially those of us who grew up in volatile homes. My father was an alcoholic and unpredictable. I had relationships filled with argument. Then the ultimate…even though I was medically trained for just such an emergency, I could not save my husband’s life when he had a massive heart attack right in front of me. In my experience, bad things happen to Ginny when she doesn’t have control. As humans, we are programmed to avoid pain. Therefore, feeling out of control creates fear and anxiety in me. The fact that I totally KNOW it’s in my head and 99% of the time I am not in real danger drives me buggy and makes me feel like a failure.

I know…I’ve built a clock to tell you what time it is. The bottom line is this. I am not perfect. Tension is created when I think I SHOULD be. Relaxation comes when I rest inside my imperfect self, remember the Fourth Agreement, and say…”You did your best today.” Can I hear an “Amen”?

❤️

“We all stumble in many ways. Anyone who is never at fault in what they say is perfect, able to keep their whole body in check.”

James 3:2