It’s been a long time since I’ve had a really bad spell with my grief. By “long time” I mean it’s been several weeks since I’ve cried or spent a sleepless night. I haven’t had a panic attack in several months. Things seem easier right now. Much of that can probably be attributed to being very busy and socially engaged. I’m heading into a stretch now where I’ll have a lot more down time on my hands and while I’ll be busy writing, I’ll still have time to get in my head.

My wise friend Jamie tells me I can’t “busy” my way through grief. That just puts things on the back burner. And we all know what happens when you put something on the back burner and forget it. It can boil over and ruin everything. Best to mind the pot and give it a good stir once in a while to keep things from scorching and sticking to the pan.

It’s a balance, this mindful tending. You CAN over stir and you can turn up the heat too high, both leading to disastrous results. Slow and steady. Slow and steady. I feel like I’ve crossed into new territory here. A new season. I fought getting here because the trade off is feeling Mr. Virgo recede from my grasp…from my memory. The things we did together get pushed further and further in the past. God allows us to heal our hearts and minds by changing our focus. The past gets a bit fuzzy. It takes a great deal of energy to hang on to every image in detail. For me, the softer focus lets my heart ease a bit. It lets me look for the beauty in this new life without guilt. I’ve crossed over a bridge. It’s not the last one. There will be more. But each one crossed makes me stronger, more confident, more hopeful and happier. And a little relieved. It’s ok to feel this. It’s called growth.

❤️

“Let the wise hear and increase in learning, and the one who understands obtain guidance,”

‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭1:5‬ ‭ESV‬‬