It isn’t always easy to do a do-over…those moments where life throws you a king sized curve ball and you get to reinvent yourself. There were the divorces. The overdose. Mr. Virgo’s death. The move to WV. Marrying Mr. FixIt. And now…coronavirus has sent us into timeout giving us the opportunity to rethink some things. There are very few things I actually regret doing in my life. But every single time I’ve had to rebuild or rethink has been an incredible time of personal growth.

I received an email this week from my financial advisor with that dreaded “we need to talk” subject. I’ve expected this and was actually preparing to call her anyway. We set a time for yesterday. I sipped my coffee out by the pool in the morning sunshine while we talked about strategies and being good stewards of the funds we are entrusted with. Danielle has taught me a lot about money. I wouldn’t say I’m financially wealthy by any stretch of the imagination. But what I do have, I want to be careful with.

My mind wandered back to when I first became a widow. I had so much to deal with….bills, debt, and planning for a future without my primary breadwinner. I had the money from my divorce settlement and I was still years away from Social Security and Medicare. I had been a “kept woman” for most of my adult life having the luxury of staying home for a portion of that as a stay-at-home mom. Honestly, I knew nothing about money and avoided the conversation like the plague. Once I became a widow, I had no choice. I had to learn.

I didn’t handle my finances very well. Whether it was denial or rebellion or an attempt to soothe my grief with spending, money slipped through my hands like water. And, if I’m going to be brutally honest…in that first year or two, I honestly didn’t think I could possibly survive that so I might as well go out with a bang. Of course, there came a moment of clarity when I realized I had to rein it in or lose my retirement money completely, thank God. 

Somewhere in yesterday’s conversation with Danielle, I had a lightbulb moment. I told her I didn’t know if it was being married to a down-to-earth, frugal WV boy or reaching “a certain age” or what…but I’ve suddenly felt a sort of fiduciary maturation of late. I can talk about money without my palms sweating or my heart racing which is such a relief.

When I first started with Danielle, she asked if I wanted to work with a secular guideline or a faith-based one. I had never heard of taking a faith-based approach to financial management and that certainly appealed to me. When we talk about my retirement funds, we talk about looking at my money with intentionality. Where do I want to be in two years? God has blessed me with these funds. How can I use them responsibly?

The spigot of spending has been turned off by this pandemic. What was once multiple trips to town per week has dwindled to one. It’s given me the opportunity to re-evaluate the shopping experience. When we come out of this, I know my own personal spending habits will be different. While the reason we are having home is tragic, we can…we MUST…learn new skills.

My shopping list is usually in an online shopping app. I put what I think I need in my cart and leave it there for a week. Then I review it and invariably ended up either deleting items or saving them for consideration later. If, after two or three weeks, I feel it’s warranted, then I complete my purchase. My recent order included supplies to make homemade tofu. It’s been a long time since I’ve made my own. It tastes so much better than the store bought variety and it’s an affordable source of protein. I buy my soybeans from a farm in Iowa. They are organic and non-GMO. I don’t know if I could ever be a vegetarian, but I can certainly substitute meats with fresh tofu 2-3 times a week.

I’ve cleaned up my schedule, we’re cleaning up our living space, we’re creating ways to enjoy our property without the expense or hazards of travel while still maintaining the experience, and now we’re cleaning up our diet. Well, yeah, ok…there’s pie. But I substituted part of the sugar with Splenda. Hey…one step at a time, ok?

❤️

“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.”

Romans 8:28 ESV