Dating. There…I said it. I had an interesting conversation with a new friend the other day. She is also a widow and a grief counselor. She asked me if I had given any thought to what my next relationship would look like. Wow. That was heavy. For those of you who have been around the whole year since Mr. Virgo died, you will remember my ill-fated attempt at dating in September. This was a very nice man, a good man, a Christian, and someone from my high school graduating class. Just about everything seemed perfect…except for one glaring fact that neither one of us cared to notice. It was WAY too soon after Mr. Virgo’s death for me to get that involved with anyone. There were some hurt feelings, but I have to say, I am so glad we decided to remain friends because Mr. B has been a delight to talk with and has offered me such great insight into who I am and what I want out of life. He was there with a broad shoulder and limitless compassion when I needed someone to cry to and I’m grateful for that. For a number of reasons, it just won’t be a romantic relationship and that’s ok.

This brings up an interesting question though. Just when is it ok to date? What will it look like? HOW do you date after the Greatest Show on Earth has closed it’s doors? I know people who have dated just a few months after the loss of their spouse. I also know people who have never dated again. It is not entirely unheard of for a man to date and remarry quickly after he has lost his wife. People may raise their eyebrows a little, but usually it’s with a shrug. “Well, he just needs someone to take care of him.” is often whispered behind closed doors. So what about women? If we date too soon, we’re crazy or a slut or desperate. We are judged harshly, most often by other women. My daughters are split on the subject. My youngest thinks I should be able to do what makes me happy. My oldest thinks I should take time to know who I am because I have always been someone’s something full time. This is the first time I have been on my own without the daily obligation of taking care of someone other than myself. There’s something to be said for both viewpoints.

I don’t know about you, but it seems like there are two people, at least, in my head. One says “You’re lonely, it’s ok. Find someone to have some fun with.” The other says “Are you INSANE? You just buried one husband a year ago! You want to do it again???” One says “There is nothing wrong with making new friends to go do things with and it’s perfectly acceptable to have male friends in 2014.” The other says “What on earth will people think if I’m seen with someone so soon? Will they think I really didn’t love Mr. Virgo?” One says, “Take your time, don’t be in a hurry, make new friends, live your life, get to know who you are, find out what you really want out of life, and by all means…go out and have some fun. There is nothing wrong with that.” I think that’s the voice I’ll listen to.