One of our fellow “Ranchers” lost her husband two weeks ago and it caused me to pause and remember where I was two and a half years ago. My heart aches for her because, even though grief is an individual thing, I have a good understanding of where she is emotionally. I was so lost back then. At two weeks, I was in Denver staying with my son-in-law’s parents. They are as much family to me as my own flesh and blood. I spent as much time as I could with my kids and grandkids but other than knowing logistically that I was there, I have very, very little memory of it. I bought my first little camper that week because instinctively I knew I needed to put something joyful in front of me or I wasn’t going to survive this. I was numb for so long.
I cannot tell you when the lowest ebb occurred. There were so many dark times that they all seemed to run together. I had a close friendship with a guy from high school and, God bless him…he would stay on the phone with me for hours while I wailed. Hours. I have a brother/friend who would come to my house at 3:00 in the morning and sit with me till dawn…in my trailer out front…because I could not sleep in my house. One night I couldn’t stop crying and it scared me. I went on Facebook and waited till someone…ANYONE I knew came online in chat. My friend Deb was the first one on and I sent a text …
“Deb?” She sent a text back…”Call me…right now!” She had lost a husband. She understood. I walked Main Street of my small town going from shop to shop so I could get hugs from people I knew. I stood at Mr. Virgo’s grave and threw my head back and wailed like a wounded animal…it was so primal and guttural, it shocked me. I drove all over the place, pulling TOW-Wanda….trying to outrun my fear and pain. And, at some point…it started to turn. Little by little, the good days started to outweigh the bad until I could breathe again.
I thank God I had this page to turn to. You were my outlet. My sounding board. Part diversion, part immersion therapy. And always my support. Always, always showing me unconditional love. Oh, there were people who “unliked” the page…there still are occasionally. But for every one that leaves, there are more who arrive and the numbers continue to build. Increasing numbers, in and of itself, is not my goal. My goal is for this page to be a safe haven, a beacon in the dark….a lighthouse. I pray every day before I write and I ask God to give me the words to say. And the flip side of that is to bring the readers who need the message.
Our new “Rancher” came here at her friend’s suggestion because of her interest in camping. But once she arrived, she felt there was maybe a different reason God had sent her to us. There are so many hurting people in the world. There are so many who grieve over loss in its many forms. I am often asked if a post can be shared. My answer is always…unequivocally…yes! Please, please share Marshmallow Ranch with someone who needs lifting up. I consider this my mission in life…to serve and aid those who suffer the pain of loss.
I can never say thank you enough for all you give me here. You are truly gifts to me and it is my privilege to write for you.
❤️
“The Lord announces the word, and the women who proclaim it are a mighty throng:”.
Psalm 68:11