I love “A-Ha!” Moments. That brilliant stroke of insight that comes when you set aside your ego investment and focus the microscope on your teeny tiny little mammalian brain. The rush of clarity knocks your socks off. Whenever I find myself sorely disappointed in something or someone, I have to sit back and ask myself, “What was my expectation here?” “Was it realistic?” “What was my motive?” “What part did I play in the disappointing outcome?” “What could I have done differently?” I have to be honest in this conversation. We are so quick to place the blame for our disappointments at the feet of someone else…to become the victim.
Most of the time, our expectations are never verbalized. I don’t know about you, but I have a tendency to picture exactly how a situation is going to play out. I envision entire conversations and base my reality on the preconceived outcome. It’s very seldom that life mimics the interior screenplay that I’ve concocted.
If I am brutally honest with myself (and you good people), when I projected my re-entry to WV, I envisioned something akin to a cross between The Waltons and a live rendition of Mother Earth News from 1968. I expected long stretches of time to read, write, and follow intellectual as well as artistic pursuits. I created scenarios. Imagine my disappointment when my aunt forgot her lines and ad-libbed from her own script! Expectations are the sand traps in the fairways of life.
My “A-Ha!” moment came today when I realized my aunt and I don’t really KNOW each other. We are 21 years apart. She was finished with college and teaching when I came along. She was living in another state. Up till 1990, we had only seen each other a handful of times. After that, we saw each other once a year when I came home to visit. We had never had long conversations like we have since I’ve been here. We were driving home from our shopping trip to town yesterday and I was talking about my dad. My aunt had no idea my dad was an alcoholic. That just stunned me. I thought everyone in the family knew that. I cannot expect my aunt to understand where I’m coming from when she doesn’t know me. And vise versa. This allows me to replace expectations with hope. That sets everyone free and increases the happiness quotient.
❤