Ever since I received the long awaited diagnosis of primary hyperparathyroidism, I’ve been on a mission to find a cure. I became my own advocate and read everything I could find about the disease and how it affects the body. I researched physicians and medical centers for the best and most recent treatments. I joined a Facebook Support Group for people with pHPT and selected the world’s best surgical team to get this taken care of.

Over and over, I read wonderful stories about people who were cured by having a simple surgical removal of the affected parathyroid gland(s). I was so hopeful and it never even occurred to me the first surgery would fail to cure my disease. I was so disappointed. After a little time to heal, I began my search anew. I looked closer to home. I found new hope in a new surgical team. The difference this time was…I knew I could be disappointed again.

As it turned out, the missing parathyroid glands didn’t magically show up for the second surgery. That’s not to say there wasn’t some good news. It turned out, the second gland that was biopsied and deemed normal during the last surgery wasn’t normal this time. It was removed and sent to the lab, along with blood samples to test my PTH intraoperatively. I know when the surgeon received the results, he felt disappointment, just as he knew I would.

I have been studying some bible devotionals the last couple of days on the subject of disappointment. One is called Tackling Disappointment by Susan Narjala. Here is a segment from today’s reading.

“In the Bible we see Paul who prayed asking for God to take away the chronic physical pain. Three times he prayed. But God didn’t remove that “thorn” in Paul’s side. Did Paul retreat into devastating disappointment? No. Paul trusted that God had a purpose in not answering his prayers. Paul instead declares that he will boast in his weakness so the power of Christ may rest on him.

But, friend, remember this truth: God takes you through the valley experiences for a reason. Scripture reminds us in Isaiah 66:9, “In the same way I will not cause pain without allowing something new to be born,” says the Lord.

A place of disappointment can be a place of blessing. When He allows you to face discouraging circumstances, He has a purpose behind it. The question is whether you are allowing God to train you in that difficult season of disappointment.”

I allowed myself a little pity party yesterday. I had great hopes that this surgeon would find the missing glands, remove any that were diseased, and cure me of this affliction. Then, after a little time sitting in my sorrow, I let it go. I will pray daily, and ask others to pray with me, that God himself will take this away from me. And, if He does not, then I ask that He brings me the grace and grit to carry it well and be my best self. It’s not the worst thing in the world. It’s not cancer. It’s not the failure of a major organ. It’s a niggling problem that can cause my bones to become brittle. It can make me cranky and give me pain and make my hair fall out. There are a lot of people who have to live with a lot worse things in life. We still don’t have the final word. It can take a year for the numbers to sort themselves out. In the meantime, I’m going to let myself heal, finish knitting a sweater, and get on with this beautiful life I’ve been given!

❄️❤️❄️

“Grace to you and peace from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ. I give thanks to my God always for you because of the grace of God that was given you in Christ Jesus,”

1 Corinthians 1:3-4 ESV