I’m gearing up for my next birthday. I’m going to be 63 in June. Remember when 63 seemed REALLY OLD? OMGosh! It’s all a matter of perspective, isn’t it? We go through so many passages in life. The time between our own parenting to watching our kids parent flew by in a heartbeat. During that time, I went through many incarnations of my self. I held several jobs in different fields. I explored various religions and philosophies. I became a Christian. I was married and divorced and married and divorced and married again. And I was widowed.

One would think that surely I would have found my true self somewhere along the way with all that. But honestly, I think it took losing Mr. Virgo to send me far down deep within myself to find out who I really am…who I have become because of my grief. Here are some things I’ve learned. Let me know if any of these resonate with you and what things life or grief have taught you.

I am much more compassionate. I see so much more of the world’s pain than I ever did before. This has made me more sensitive to the needs of others.

I am much stronger than I ever thought I was. I have lost that one person I thought I could never live without. And here I am…living.
I have an infinite well of love in my heart. Somewhere in the last year, my capacity to love and feel and open my heart again returned with a vengeance. I never would have believed I could feel love in my heart for people after losing Mr. Virgo. Yet here I am…loving everyone. My heart is wide open and I receive every bit of love that’s thrown my way and turn right around and hand it off to others.

I am willing to take risks. By losing Mr. Virgo, I realized how “safe” we played things. I wouldn’t say our life together was necessarily boring, but we had a pretty set routine and were comfortable with that. I live much closer to the edge now. I want to see and experience new and exciting things.

I am not exactly fearless. A certain modicum of safety consciousness is healthy. But, I no longer dread trying new things. I keep the hounds of anxiety pretty much chained in the back recesses of my mind instead of running rampant. Nothing much scares me anymore.

I have a deep, lasting, personal relationship with God and I find great comfort in that. I have discovered the joys of knowing and trusting Jesus as I learn from His teachings. I have learned to trust the whispers from the Holy Spirit as it guides me through my daily living.

I have learned forgiveness. I no longer take the bitter poison of anger and resentment. I have learned that hurts no one but me. I’ve also learned to forgive myself for being a fallible human.

I think the biggest thing I’ve learned is to be grateful in all things. While there was never a day that Mr. Virgo and I missed an opportunity to express our gratitude to one another, it took losing him to really appreciate all I had with him here. Now, I am particularly careful to let those I love know I love them and how important they are to me. Because, WE know. Those who have lost know just how tenuous that thread of life really is.

These are the things I’ve learned. And life goes on.

❤️

“Examine yourselves to see whether you are in the faith; test yourselves. Do you not realize that Christ Jesus is in you—unless, of course, you fail the test?”

2 Corinthians 13:5 NIV