“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” Psalm 147:3 NIV
The other day, I was reading a tweet from a gal that I follow. She was commenting about a deep feeling of grief she felt she had long ago left behind her. She is a widow and her youngest was off to college. Another “first”. They don’t always come in the first year. There are graduations, and weddings, and grandchildren, and vacations, and retirement…all things you thought you were going to get to do with your person.
When you are newly bereaved, the initial shock numbs you. You walk in a haze as you go through the motions of planning a funeral, greeting the attendees, and writing all those Thank You notes. Somewhere before too long, you start peeling back all these layers and grief continually bubbles up as you realize all the things you have lost along with your loved one. You have a sense of this loss up front. But you don’t realize how it will affect you when you get to those milestones. They can knock you down just as hard as some of the earlier waves of grief.
I watch Mr. Virgo’s grandchildren growing up on Facebook. I don’t have a relationship with his daughter, but she is kind enough to keep me connected so I can see the children. The little one is the spitting image of her grandpa. It twists my heart when I see her. When I realize he didn’t get to know them and they won’t get to know him, it makes me sad. Firsts…first grade…first dance recital…all the big “little” things grandparents are supposed to share with their grand babies. Daughter #2 will be planning a wedding soon. She and Mr. Virgo were very close. That will stir the waves.
There will always be these moments. This is the price you pay for love. If there is an upside, it is that the waves aren’t as big and they don’t last as long now. I have learned how to tap-dance around that hole in my heart without falling in…most of the time. My new relationship with Mr. FixIt is wonderful, but he doesn’t replace Mr. Virgo. You can’t replace someone you truly loved. Grief remains as a scar on your heart…and your life grows around it. ❤️
Ginny I will be dealing with two very big events that I know Nick would have loved. Our first Grandchild Jason (35 yrs old) finally met the little be of his life and is getting married in 3 weeks in Yosemite . And this coming Saturday our Grandson Keegan (11yrs old) is going to test for his black belt in karate. I like to think that their Grandpa will be sitting right next to me, but tears are rolling down my face because he isn’t here in person. And it’s been 6 years, you’d think it would get easier.
My heart is with you, Glo. I know it’s not the same. ?
Ginny, I find divorce does the same!
It does! I’ve been through divorce and death. Divorce was worse is some ways because I had to see him with someone else. Death was worse in that I didn’t get to see him at all. ?