I have discovered my nemesis. I have coped really well with everything over the last few months. Remarkably well. Then last weekend when I was at a town festival, a gentleman standing next to me started choking and all I could do was stand there. The man needed the Heimlich maneuver and even though I have worked in medicine for over forty years, I was frozen. All I could see in my mind’s eye was my husband in the ER. It really shook me and I had to sit down. Then today, I got a call at 4:30 from my 23-year-old who has been running a fever for 3 days. Once I got her settled back down with instructions and got off the phone, I had a full-blown panic attack from worrying about her health. I understand logically what’s going on but there is no logic when you are in the throes of anxiety. The darkest hour is just before dawn

We are like electric cars when we are recovering from trauma. We tend to toodle along till we run out of juice and have to plug in to recharge. That recharge comes from those we love. Use it too often, you leave them drained. Become drained yourself and when someone else needs to connect to you for your energy, you can’t help them out. I’ve been keeping late nights and early mornings the last several days preparing for this trip tomorrow. When my daughter called, I’m afraid I didn’t have much left to give and I’m sorry.

I’m doing well, for the most part. I need to remember this is a process, I need to take care of myself by getting enough sleep, eating right, staying hydrated, and offering myself the same service I offer to others…kindness and compassion.

Hugs,

Ginny