In order to justify some decisions I was making not too long after Mr. Virgo died, I started talkin’ smack about my man. I know now what that was all about. Psychologically, it is easier if you don’t miss someone and the quickest way to not miss them is to find fault. The opposite of that is glorification.

I’m not kidding when I tell you Mr. Virgo was perfect because he was perfect for ME. We never raised our voices to one another, not once in over seven years. That is remarkable. He gave me just the right amount of attention without suffocating me. He gave me the kind of affection that made me feel his love without being clingy. I read a meme the other day that said a woman needs a man that will ruin her lipstick, not her mascara. That was Mr. Virgo. He never made me cry…not once. Well, until he died on me.

That being said, he wasn’t perfect. I could NOT get him to take a night off from the television and just talk or play a game. We ate every meal at the coffee table in front of that $&@!#%@ television that had to be blaring in order for him to hear it. He pouted for days if I left to visit the kids because he didn’t get to go. He wanted me to be sitting beside him watching the same show so we could discuss it during the commercials. Argh! He had to eat three substantial meals a day on his days off to the point that I felt we were eating all the time. My weight ballooned because he didn’t like it if I didn’t eat with him. He was a Virgo and I am a Gemini. He sorted his closet by color…you can barely shut the door on mine. I made piles. This made him crazy. It took him FOREVER to get ready to go someplace. All those good looks and that “Polo polish” came at a price and he did NOT like to feel rushed.

At some point in your grief, you need to have a heart to heart talk with yourself and examine your loved one critically. Let yourself feel ok about your feelings. No one is perfect, with the exception of God and an innocent child. It’s ok to look at your loved one with a critical eye. It does not mean you didn’t just flat out adore them when they were here. It means, in order to make progress on your grief journey, you have to be realistic. That doesn’t make you a bad person. That makes you a healthy person.