Depression is an insidious, dreadful, invisible disease. It can not only rob you of joy, it robs you of the ability to see. I don’t mean true vision. I mean the ability to see the good in life, to see the love others have for you, too see anything but pain.

Robin Williams lived in the richest county of America. He had a beautiful home and was wildly successful. He had a loving family. He had the freedom to do anything in the world that he wanted. He also had diseases. He had the disease called addiction. It haunted him and he tried so hard to tame the beast. He had the disease called depression. It followed him everywhere and he could never find peace from it. It was largely a silent, invisible, and ultimately deadly disease.

There are some angry people who don’t understand how he could have been so selfish. They don’t understand. They only knew the outside Robin. While I never met the man, I know the inside Robin. It’s dark and scary and exhausting in there. You’re like the man spinning all those plates on sticks, trying like crazy to keep them from crashing to the ground. You’re afraid to set the plates down and rest because that’s when the darkness comes. It closes in on you, snaring you in it’s incessant grip…choking what life you have in you away. It’s a terrible place to be and when you are there, you truly see only one way out. Sleep. And, tragically, sometimes it is eternal.

You may wonder why a man like Robin Williams ended up hanging at the end of a rope when he certainly had the resources to get help. The answer is unknown. Unless he left a note, we will never know what was going through his mind. But, please don’t be disheartened. There are resources out there that can help you back away from the edge. If you find yourself on that dark path and only want to escape the pain of living, please call for help. Call this number, call clergy, call a family member or a friend. Tape the number to your phone because you cannot see or think when you are in that dark place.

God rest your gentle spirit, Mr. Williams. May you rest in peace away from the demons who tormented you in life. May you find Mr. Virgo in Heaven and play a rousing round of golf. You will be sorely missed.

Nanu Nanu