We have talked a great deal about grief over the last few months, but the subject of mourning has never come up. They are two separate and distinct parts of dealing with loss, be it through death or divorce, or the loss of something significant in your life….a pet, a job, health. Grief is the private, personal experience of the feelings surrounding the loss. It’s the inner pain and how you deal with it. Mourning is the outward expression of your grief…tears, anger, the way you talk about your loss publicly or with a trusted friend or family member.
The way we mourn is just as individual as the way we grieve. One of my dearest friends came to visit last week. She stayed at my house while she was in town for a conference. Sue is my Earth-Mother yogi sister-friend whom I have had the honor of knowing for the past 25 years. She is family. When she came down the first morning, she made her tea and came into the bedroom to sit on my bed for our “sister confidentials”…those moments when we get down to how we’re both REALLY doing in this crazy world. She looked at me and said, “So…are you really ok or are you just telling us that?” She will not allow me the self-indulgence of a lie. I assured her, I really am doing well. Had she been sitting on my bed three days later, it would have been an entirely different answer. This is the nature of grief. But she wasn’t there with me this time to mourn. She has been in the past.
I am so grateful for the network of friends and family I have in my life. God has brought me exactly those people who support me in exactly the ways I need. I have met some wonderful women through Marshmallow Ranch who have now become close, personal friends. One is actually a grief counselor and was instrumental in buoying me back up after the most recent wave of grief overtook me. Another is my sister-friend and future business partner who calls or texts at just the right moment. One is a high school friend who gives me excellent advice and will sit on the phone and listen to me cry for 10 hours if that is what I need. These wonderful people mourn with me. We talk about Mr. Virgo. We talk about my past, my present, and my future. We laugh together. They listen without trying to change my direction. They are patient and kind and gentle. They are the perfect support system. When I no longer need them to hold the umbrella, we will sing in the rain. And then the sun will come out again.
I found this reference today while researching the difference between grief and mourning. I would suggest you read it when you get the chance.