I’m making progress on several fronts, not the least of which is the personal growth I have been forced to make when my life changed so drastically. I was talking with a friend yesterday and told her I never, ever would have dreamed this is what my life would look like. I never could have imagined surviving the loss of half my heart when Mr. Virgo died. I’m still plowing through the stuff that I brought with me from Colorado that’s been stored out at the farm. I’m picking out the things that are most often used, not easily replaced, or have the dearest sentimental value. The rest has to go.

I was going through another truckload last week when I opened a small plastic box. In the bottom were three greeting cards from Mr. Virgo. I saw them and immediately my heart twisted and tears crept behind my eyes. I allowed myself two minutes to feel the sadness. Then I sat on the tailgate of my pickup and opened the Anniversary card.

“You are the love of my life.”

Seven little words. One huge, monumental sentiment. Suddenly, this immense rush of joy, love, and pride rushed over me. What was initially a land mine…a heart bomb…became a gift that was even MORE special than the day I first received it. The love that was put in that card sat in that box and grew and grew and grew till it just splashed all over me when I picked it up.

I was! I WAS the love of his life! I was SO loved that I was the most important thing in this really great guy’s life! And, I married him on April 7, 2007. I got to ride on a velvet pillow carried by a very handsome man! I carry his heart safely tucked inside my own.

I’ve been trying to sort out my feelings the last few days. I miss him. I’ll always miss him. April 7th will always be a special day, but not always a painful day. I celebrate our love and honor Mr. Virgo in different ways every day…whether it’s through my writing or telling a funny story about him to a friend or talking to him as I sit by the river. I can feel myself letting go of his hand. And I can feel his approval. Today I’m doing well. There will be other days that will challenge me…but today I am feeling more whole than I have in two years. This is not a bad thing.

❤

‘Who is left among you who saw this temple in its former glory? And how do you see it now? Does it not seem to you like nothing in comparison?”

Haggai 2:3