I vacillate between “God, I love my life!” and “My heart hurts.” Sunday was a heart hurt day. The day was beautiful. My friend and I decided to start our trip to the beach early and that meant there was a lot to do to prepare. I was busy doing laundry and cleaning house. I wasn’t thinking about anything in particular. I felt great…looking forward to getting away to the beach for some R&R with the girls. We’ve been planning this trip for months and I was feeling really excited. I had the music on and the windows flung open wide to catch the cool breeze coming off the river…the smell of damp earth and fallen leaves filling my perfect little tiny home. Then it happened.

Celine Dion sang “The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face”. Now, I’ve heard that song a hundred times and it hasn’t bothered me a bit. But, in that moment, it knocked the breath out of me and I burst into tears. The unpredictability of grief used to drive me crazy. It scared me to feel so out of control and at the mercy of such rapidly changing emotions. Now I have learned it’s normal. It’s perfectly normal. The issue I struggle with is different. I want to be strong and put on my happy face. The thought of running the people I love away with my woes is unbearable so I’m not always straight forward with them when I’m feeling bad. That’s something I’m working on.

Hearts are tender when you’re healing from a devastating loss. I have to remind myself, it’s only been two and a half years since Mr. Virgo died. That’s really not all that long. I’ve been on this path long enough now to know the sea is calm on the other side of the waves and I will always feel better with the light of day. I always do.

❤️

“You, Lord, are my lamp; the Lord turns my darkness into light.”

2 Samuel 22:29