Mr. FixIt got an early start on the tractor yesterday. I could see him on the security camera, sitting in the driveway, threading the new drive belt on the mower deck. I jumped up, grabbed my coffee, and headed out to join him. He got the mower deck on and running, but the new belt slipped off twice and it really shouldn’t do that. I took the push mower into the fenced area of the back yard around the pool and started mowing. It was rapidly heading to 80 degrees by the time I was half finished. 

After a quick rehydration break, and checking to see if Mr. FixIt needed any help, I made quick work of the yard and checked back in with him. He ordered a different belt from the tractor company, but I talked him into heading out to the farm with me to mow before the rain starts today. I left before him so I could be first in the driveway, because I’ve decided to stay at the farm for a few days and get some sorting and packing done.

This was the first time I was going to see the farm after my cousin came and took a lot of their things…grandma’s dining room table, the old buffet, the oak secretary from the living room. I knew it would look so different when I went in, and I prepared myself for an emotional homecoming.

As I drove through the backroads, my eye was continually drawn to the hillsides around me. There, standing like misty clouds of white in the shadows of the tall, leafless trees stood countless dogwoods in full bloom. I’ve lived in the country here for several years now, and I cannot remember seeing SO many dogwoods. They made me smile.

It occurred to me…so many beautiful things in this life live in the shadows. Here are these huge poplar, sycamore, hickory, and all manner of deciduous trees that will soon be fully leafed out in all their glory…showing off, bending in the breeze, their fresh spring green foliage shimmering in the sun. For now, they are still mere buds on bare grey limbs. But there, underneath them…the dogwoods are dressed in their lacy dresses, floating Ike dancers on a stage for all the world to see if they just look.

As I am wont to do, I looked for what God was trying to tell me as I drove the familiar route to the home of my heart and it didn’t take long to make the connection. It was God who brought me here in the first place. He knew my heart was broken from losing Mr. Virgo. He knew my servant’s heart wanted to help my elderly aunt. He knew we were both stubborn, cantankerous women…oil and water. He knew there would be a parting of the ways. And…He knew my destiny was to cross paths with Mr. FixIt.

My life was so tenuous when I came here. I practically had nothing more than what I could carry, and TOW-Wanda. I didn’t have a long range plan because I couldn’t see a life for me after losing my husband. I felt my children were older and didn’t really need their mom and my grands were busy with school and friends. And to be honest? I didn’t think I could possible live much longer anyway because my heart was broken…as was my spirit.

God knew just what He was doing when He brought me here. I had the opportunity to come off the road and live on this hallowed ground where my grandparents lived. This was my healing place. This was where I danced among the tall trees…tenuously taking steps out onto the stage in my lacy dress. Just like the sweet dogwoods on the hills that surround me as I write this.

We often are overshadowed in life by the bigger things, the brighter people, the seemingly more important stuff. We hide in plain sight until it is our time to shine. Will I be sad when the farm sells? Of course…there will be a part of me that will always ache for THIS home. But, it won’t break me. God gave me seven whole years to call this place home. It is my touchstone to the past and these years have been such a tremendous gift to me. I did a lot of healing here. My sweetheart came to court me here. We sat many times on the front porch in the quiet evenings and listened to the night sounds…the heady aroma of the woods washing over us. You can’t buy that kind of love. This is GOD love, this farm. That will ALWAYS be mine because God poured that all over me and into me…every moment I’ve been here.

From now till the day I die, whenever I see dogwood trees blooming among the naked trees, I will remember this sunny, perfect April day and the many blessings God gave me on this little patch of ground.

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“Behold, I am with you and will keep you wherever you go, and will bring you back to this land. For I will not leave you until I have done what I have promised you.””

Genesis 28:15 ESV