It was dark when I drove up the long driveway to the farmhouse the other night. I couldn’t pull into my parking spot because there are low hanging electric lines crossing the driveway. A friend came out yesterday to hold the lines up so I could drive under. I mentioned that I needed to winterize the camper but hadn’t done it by myself before. I don’t know why, but there are certain things that really intimidate me. Programming a VCR. Hooking up a sound system. Winterizing a camper. They all seem terribly complicated which is ridiculous. I have done jobs a lot tougher than that. My friend has had campers for years and assured me I could do it. Step by step, I walked through it…easy peasy. I felt proud of the accomplishment.
It wasn’t really all that long ago when I didn’t know thing one about a camper. Now, I can hook up and unhook, back into the tightest of spots, troubleshoot many issues, change the batteries and gas tanks, check and fill the tires, and now…winterize. I ran electric to her so I can nap and write in my little sanctuary. The only thing left is to empty and clean the pantry. I still might take off and head south sometime this winter for a break…who knows? I do like to go someplace warm and sunny in February!
I was around a lot of people on this trip. Coming home accentuated my “aloneness”. I usually adjust quickly but last night just felt lonesome so I rolled with it. I let my mind wander wherever it took me, eventually settling on Mr. Virgo. The only way I can describe my feelings for him now is “the evolution of love”. A love interrupted. A forever love. But, my love for him no longer consumes every waking moment of my life. For the longest time, I clung to every shred of feeling I had for him for fear that if I let go of even one thread, the whole “fabric” of his memory would unravel…that I would lose him completely. I had to ease up my grip…an inch at a time. I knew if I held onto him too tight, there would never be room in my life for anything…or anyone…else. It’s like flying a kite. If the string is too short, the kite just spins around and around smacking you in the face. You can’t see past it. But if you let out the string slowly and stay just right with the wind, you can actually tie off the string and the kite will pretty much fly itself. That’s where I am. I’ve let out the kite string enough that I get a great view and can watch it soar on the wind. It’s beautiful…and it makes me smile. Even when I feel my “aloneness”. Because, really…I am never alone. Mr. Virgo’s memory is with me. Those who love me are with me. But most of all…God is with me.
It will be another busy week…taking the truck in for maintenance today and an interview for a podcast on Wednesday. Thursday night I’m meeting friends to go see Rocky Horror Picture Show. I’ve always wanted to go see it in the theater where the audience interacts with the characters on the screen. That’ll be a hoot! So, there won’t be much time to be lonely this week. My choice is always to roll up my sleeves, get into the fun, and fly my kite!
❤️
“Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted. Relieve the troubles of my heart and free me from my anguish.”
Psalm 25:16-17 NIV