We’re heading into the holidays and that’s touchy territory for those who have suffered the loss of a loved one. Thankfully, I don’t remember much about the first holiday season after losing Mr. Virgo. There is something to be said for the protective fog of acute grief. I wrote a blog post last Christmas about Santa Claus that still rips my heart out when I read it. It’s hard to say what this Christmas will hold for me. I am blessed that I’ll be heading to Colorado the first week of December and I can visit family and dear friends for a couple of weeks. That will break up the time and give me something to look forward to. Keeping busy is key for me. Too much time gets me inside my head.

Then there’s the issue of decorating for Christmas which is huge for me. I have to be careful and not come storming in here like a bull in a china shop and change everything. This is not my house and my aunt is used to having the place to herself. I have made a few changes, mostly by hanging a couple of my paintings and moving some family photos around in an artistic grouping as opposed to being placed willy nilly here and there. Even a change as small as that was big for my aunt. I can imagine just my being here disrupts her, even though she repeatedly tells me she’s happy to have me. She can’t drive like she once did so she feels safer now. When I mentioned I would be gone the first two weeks of December, she was upset that I was “cheating my grandchildren” because I wasn’t going to be with them for Christmas. I told her I wanted to be here and decorate and spend Christmas with her and she said she would prefer to not have Christmas. So, I’m left deciding whether I just decorate my camper, extend my stay in Colorado, or skip Christmas altogether. As you can probably detect, this has made me feel a bit melancholy this weekend. So many changes in such a short time. Things aren’t always as you imagine them being but….if there’s anyone in the world more flexible than me, I’d like to meet them! Sometimes you just have to adjust your dreams. It will all work out.

<3