The only absolute certainty in this physical existence is that things will change. I don’t think it takes a terribly long time in this life to figure this out, but the bargaining and denial aspects of grief can make that fact inaccessible at times…much like putting a smoky filter on a camera lens. We want what we want and we want it to be like it used to be.

But what happens if you don’t? What happens if you were in an unhappy marriage? What happens if you just came out of three years of nursing your loved one through a terrifying disease? Mr. Virgo suffered a quick and relatively painless death and if he had to die, I’m glad for it being that way. That is one of the few comforts I get from this situation.

My life has changed tremendously and (God please let my readers understand this) not every change is negative. I would give all my Earthly possessions to have Mr. Virgo back. Of course I would. And, I have to be honest here…there are changes that were easier to adjust to.

Mr. Virgo had tinnitus and had to have white noise in order to sleep so we had a fan and an air conditioner running every night in our room…365 days a year..in order for him to sleep. It could be -27 outside, but that AC and fan was running. However, I am an extremely light sleeper and had to sleep with earplugs. I have only turned those noisy beasts on once or twice since he died. That I don’t miss.

Mr. Virgo was a TV watcher and it came on as soon as he got home. We ate in the living room, a towel covering his parent’s coffee table, with the TV blaring at an uncomfortably loud decibel. I have to tell you, if I see another Ghost Adventurers episode I will go running and screaming in the night. (Sorry, Zack…nothing personal, buddy.) When I hadn’t turned the TV on in six weeks after the funeral, I just disconnected the satellite service and don’t miss it one bit.

My time is my own. I don’t have to cook heavy Irish meat-and-potatoes, stick-to-your-ribs kinds of meals. If I want a bowl of cereal or a salad for dinner, I can do that. This isn’t a bad thing because I’ve lost 30 pounds.

I guess the whole point is this. You may find there are changes in your life that aren’t so bad and you shouldn’t feel guilty for enjoying them. Life is a gift and just because he (or she) died, doesn’t mean that you did. Sitting around wringing our hands in sackcloth and ashes for the rest of our lives will not bring our loved ones back and does not honor them. After a time, we have to start playing this game called life with exactly those cards we are dealt and each hand is different. Our loved one gone would want us to find the joy in life, even if it is a bowl of Sugar Smacks.