Lawzy me…my leggings are lying to me. They’re saying, “Go ahead…eat that cookie. We got you, boo!” I went to the doctor this week and, while I haven’t really gained anything…I sure as heck didn’t lose any. So, I’ll take that as a win, considering what we’ve been through the last couple of years. It’s a wonder I’m not bigger than the broad side of a barn! I baked dozens of Chocolate Chip Cookies yesterday. We like to give cookies to the neighbor children so I’ve been having fun in the kitchen. Unfortunately, I’ve been my own taste tester, too.

Losing one of my besties last week really took the wind out of my sails. I’m just so blah about the holidays now. Well, let me rephrase that. I don’t have the spirit like I’ve had for Christmases past. I’ve been quietly knitting and puttering around in the kitchen. I’ve tried to stay in the moment and not focus on the loss(es) directly while remaining mindful of the changes they have wrought.

I’m not as interested in gifts as I used to be…giving or receiving. I don’t look forward with the delicious anticipation of my younger years. As I sit and knit in front of the fire, I examine what is really important. We watched “It’s a Wonderful Life” yesterday afternoon. George Bailey lost everything when he wished he’d never been born and he was shown what the world would be like if he’d never been in it. It was dismal and dark and when he learned his lesson, and was miraculously restored back to the life he thought was so awful, he had a new appreciation for it.

When you experience the loss of someone you love…especially this close to the holidays…it brings home what is really important. Rushing around in the malls and spending money you don’t have is not the most important. Having the perfectly decorated home and the perfect family photo on the Christmas card and piles of presents under the tree is not the most important. Being exhausted, stressed, overstimulated and cranky is definitely not the most important. Don’t get me wrong…those are great things! Oh, my gosh…when you can pull off the magic of Christmas and make it look all Hallmark and happy and everyone has a great time? Wow…that is really, really awesome and fun. 

It’s not all that work that’s important, though. It’s the memories you make with the people you love that made all that work worthwhile. It’s the quiet camaraderie of sitting together…knitting, reading, napping in the recliner, watching a tender movie. It’s the filling of the bird feeders. It’s opening the Christmas cards from friends and family. It’s making homemade soup and the house smelling of cookies and cinnamon and tea. 

We got the kids what they wanted. We got new cell phones this year as our big gift. We bought a new set of pots and pans…the first time since we’ve been together. Mr. FixIt has had trouble with his left hand feeling cold since he had his second stroke. The other day, I found a battery powered hand warmer at Walmart and brought it home for him. He says it really helps. I have a couple little things for him to open that I think he’ll like. I’m hoping next year will be better.

No, none of these things mean much to me right now. What’s most important for me this year is Jesus’ birthday. Mary and Joseph had nothing but a donkey and what they could carry. Keeping things simple this year has given me time to be more grateful for the Gift God gave us in His Son. I have no idea how I could get through life without that. I’m glad I don’t have to know.

I’m reminded of that first Christmas without Mr. Virgo and how Santa helped me get through one of the toughest days. If you’ve been with me for a while…you know the story. But I’ll share the link here because it’s just as timely now as it was then. If I could visit with Santa this year, I’d tell him, “My bestie died. I need a new heart.” And he’d drape his arm across my shoulder, just like he did that day nine Christmases ago.   https://www.marshmallowranch.com/santa/

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“fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

Isaiah 41:10 ESV