It’s Not About You…Unless It Is
In keeping with the theme of the New Year and yesterday’s post about body image, let’s explore a little more about self….self-image, self-control. How many times have you felt the sting of someone else’s judgement? How often have we believed what someone else has said about us? And I’m not just talking about people we know and love…people who are supposed to love us. I’m also talking about complete strangers…the rude man behind us in the checkout line…the clerk at the post office…the young girls on the bus who snicker behind their hands, whispering something you can’t quite hear but you know it’s you they are targeting.
Judgement. We experience it every day. And face it…we do it ourselves all too often. No? Remember that old lady taking her half out of the middle on the freeway this morning? Yeah…I thought so. We try…we fail…we try again. One of the Four Agreements is “Don’t take anything personally.” It’s not about you. It’s just not. When someone says something bad about/to you…it has everything to do with where they are in their journey in life. It has absolutely nothing to do with you personally. It’s a little harder to take when you think that something they say GOOD about you doesn’t have anything to do with you either. Ouch! But here’s where we forget to turn the statement around.
When YOU judge someone else…when YOU gossip about someone else…when YOU say something sharp and mean to another person, known or unknown…it has NOTHING to do with THEM and EVERYTHING to do with YOU. Double ouch! It has everything to do with where you are on your journey…in your development…in the course of the evolution of your mind and spirit. I am as guilty of this as anyone and will be the first to admit I don’t always turn it around when I’m the perpetrator. I have a tendency to want to blame someone else for my sad state of personal growth in the moment.
Seventeen years ago, I had a major falling out with my dearest BFF. This was huge…an ugly fight, and a resulting parting of the ways. We didn’t speak for ten years. Then, miraculously, at the ten year mark, I started seeing her here and there on Facebook. I wanted to stay mad because I had placed myself in the poor victim box. I didn’t want to look at my side of the street. One day, she posted a funny video and I was in it. My love for her rushed back in and I realized how much I had missed my friend. I also realized she had no way of knowing the personal growth and insight I had attained during those ten years. So, I reached out. I said “Enough already…I miss you and I hope you’ll take a chance to get to know this newer, wiser version of me…sort of Ginny 4.2.” I’m grateful I chose a good quality friend to begin with because we gifted each other with another chance…a new friendship. It’s not like it was before. WE aren’t who we were before. But I cherish her friendship and welcome this funny, intelligent, beautiful woman back in my life. The high road doesn’t guarantee absolution, unfortunately, but you just might be surprised by the new dynamic an old friendship can take on.
This is a new year…a time for starting over. A fresh slate. If there is someone your actions has affected, now is a really good time to let them know you’ve grown from the experience and you hope they can forgive your stumble as you journey through this thing called life. Maybe you’ll never hear from them again. But…maybe they have been just waiting for you. ❤️
““Come now, let us settle the matter,” says the Lord. “Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool.”
Isaiah 1:18 NIV