Trigger warning…this is sensitive and may not be easy for some of you to read but it is important to discuss.
Unless you never look at social media or listen to the news, there is no way you can avoid hearing about sexual assault this week. If you look at your Facebook or Twitter feeds, you may notice “Me too.” posted. No explanation. Just…”Me too.” If you are a woman in this world, you have been subjected to…or at the very least, exposed to acts of a sexual nature without your consent. My very first memory of something inappropriate was at my babysitter’s house when I was maybe five years old. She had teenagers and I was exposed to the daughter and her boyfriend having sex. There was also a boy there who exposed himself to me frequently. Sure…there was normal sexual curiosity as a child. We played “doctor”. This was beyond that.
This picture was taken on Easter Sunday when I was eight years old. My family had just moved into this house at Christmas. About a month before my mom took this photo, a boy in the neighborhood…a senior in high school by my best estimation…had his hand in my pants. When he went for my friend, I grabbed her and ran. I told her mom. She pushed me out of the house and told me to never, ever say anything like that again. My lips are pressed tight in this picture, the corners of my mouth turned down. I never told another soul till I was 35, even when it happened again…this time with my best friend’s dad when I was 13. I was damaged.
For years, my way of coping with what had happened to me was to suppress it. Make it smaller. I rationalized. There wasn’t penetration, so it must not be sexual abuse, right? Compartmentalize. Pretend. But it was always in there. When the older boys cat-called as I walked down the street. I was 11. When the maintenance man at the hospital remarked about the still-little-girl curve of my tummy not being “sexy”. I was 17. When the doctor slapped my butt with plaster on his hands leaving his handprints on my scrubs for all to see. I was 19.
Over and over…men who hold important positions of trust, men who are “friends”, strangers on the street…slap us with behaviors that are clearly unacceptable and we’ve been told “Boys will be boys.” “What were you doing?” “What were you wearing?” The friend whose father molested me was being abused herself at the age of three. When she finally was brave enough to tell, her mom didn’t believe her. After all, her dad was an elder in the church.
What came out of Hollywood this week has been happening throughout time. We’ve just been trained to be quiet. Don’t rock the boat. After all, who are they going to believe…you? Or the big man on campus? People knew. Of course they knew. People didn’t say anything. And when they DID say something, they were told to shut up and sit down or they lost their livelihood. This isn’t just a woman’s issue. This is a human character issue. Men have also been victims of abuse, but there are more female victims than male…by a long shot.
My bottom line is this…talk. Look at your feed. See all the “Me too’s” and see how prevalent this issue is. Talk some more. Talk to your kids about what is ok and what is not. When my kids became the age I was when I was abused, I became hyper vigilant. Their dad didn’t understand how fast…how easy…it can happen. And by someone you know and trust. It doesn’t have to be a stranger. Also, be sure your kids are talking to THEIR kids.
This is a messed up world we are living in. I spread a message of love and light every single day because I believe there is goodness in the world. But, bad things still happen and this is just so important to talk about…no matter how uncomfortable it is. My life was forever changed. My innocence taken away, way too early and that affected how I related to men and relationships. Therapy helped. My faith and forgiveness healed me…as much as you can ever be healed after such experiences. My abusers were untouched. They went on with their lives and who knows how many others were affected.
There are so many good, upstanding men in the world. I have been blessed to have men surrounding me for quite some time who would never allow this type of behavior. That has made my life so much easier. Young women have a hard time still. Just remember…it’s ok to tell. It’s never to late to tell. ❤️
“But if out in the country a man happens to meet a young woman pledged to be married and rapes her, only the man who has done this shall die. Do nothing to the woman; she has committed no sin deserving death. This case is like that of someone who attacks and murders a neighbor, for the man found the young woman out in the country, and though the betrothed woman screamed, there was no one to rescue her.”
Deuteronomy 22:25-27 NIV
Thank you for sharing
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Me, too. Church-going family. Molested by my paternal grandfather. Told my Dad … fully expecting him to protect me. Instead, he just said That’s my Dad!” walked away… and the bottom fell out of my world when I realized there was no help coming and he did not care. Stuffed all feelings, dreaded family gatherings I used to enjoy, and suffered from depression and anxiety at a young age.
16… was in Manhattan, KS near Fort Riley during an event my Dad was presenting at K-State. My younger sister and I were basically kidnapped by two men of color (we thought they were soldiers … aka trustworthy, in our naïveté) when they offered us a riide from a smalll town street we’d walked down to so we could spend our allowance and shop. But after we accepted the ride, they kept driving and driving and we started yelling to take us back. We had no idea where we were or how to get back! They stopped briefly on a country road and made my little sister get in the front seat and the man that swapped seats with her sat next to me. As soon as the car was moving, I was forced to do despicable oral things to that man with my sister right there. When they finally arrived at a building, like an old barracks, but two storiies, the two men left my sister iin their car and drug me upstairs where both men raped me. Then they drove us back into town (somewhere) and pointed which way to go to walk back to the campus and let us out. Hurting, bruised, overwhelmed, and ashamed…my sister and I made a pact not to tell our Dad. Somehow, she knew, too, that he wouldn’t care or help us.
God’s great mercy saved me from a suicide attempt the following year after I”d left home, quit High School, and moved to a different state. I have also learned forgiveness and healing, even though the damage went deep and the road was difficult. With God’s help, he was with me, guiding and comforting every step of the way as He made me whole.
My prayer for anyone reading this who has experienced sexual trauma is for you to seek help…. counseling, support groups, and from the Creator. You can heal. You CAN become whole! The power of love and light is stronger than evil. ❤️️
God love your heart, Kimberly. Your story and many others are devastating to read. There are so many levels of abuse and because mine wasn’t as horrific as what you and your sister went through, I didn’t think it counted but…it does. One message I want my readers to grasp is…it all counts. Any inappropriate, non-consensual touch in your private space is abuse. Thank you for sharing, dear one. I’m so glad you are here. ❤️?❤️
Absolutely it all counts! I thank YOU for your courage and for your willingness to share your experiences with all of us, with me. You are a leader and a beautiful voice in this world. I am blessed by your posts every morning, Ginny! ????
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Me too.
I was 7. My mom married a cop. He was a predator. He molested me for 2 years. Never said a word till my own daughter turned 7,though I always remembered, her turning 7 just brought it all to the surface. Confronted my mother, she denied ever knowing..years later I found out she did know,,she turned a blinds eye so she could keep a round over our heads.
High school. I was in the darkroom room, getting things ready to develop film. Mr. M, young, handsome and all the girls swooned over him (I wasn’t one of them), grabbed my rear-end.
Though time has brought forgiveness and ‘healing’, what happened did have a profound effect on my life. The road I took wasn’t as bad as others, but it wasn’t without some ‘destruction’ … it took time, and what invariably helped me was finding my voice through writing……
It’s amazing the stuff we live through and still come out functional. My heart hurts for you at the double impact…the abuse and the turning away of your mother. ?
I wonder, for those abused by older playmates (it was fearfully called “getting pants-ed” in my youth), menaced into swearing oaths of silence “or else”…HOW did those older boys who may have yet to reach puberty…HOW did they know what to do and what to say? I wonder…their Dads, Uncles, Scout leaders, churchmen, older men in the neighborhood? What inner wounds do they also carry, along with shame ? It is that thought that helped me to be able to forgive them. I have never spoken to them, but do show my forgiveness. They were children themselves!
This unspoken crime against children and women is all pervasive I believe. SO many more will not sign on, but are still suffering. And perpetrators still hiding and denying, and being supported while doing so. I’ve seen some posts/memes that aggressively cry “I could care less what any celebrity says!” HIgh time the celebrities spoke out–they can now literally afford to. Most of us cannot. I thank them for speaking up for us.
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Me too.
It started when I was 7. I was abused by several family members for years. I told no one. Who would believe me?? As an adult I hid by gaining weight and having a very sarcastic mouth. I do not trust easily and until the past few years, I never truly felt safe.
I learned through my faith to forgive those who hurt me. By forgiving my abusers I began to heal.
Some of my
I hid by gaining weight and being sarcastic. I do not trust easily.
My heart goes out to you, Pam. (((Safe Hugs)))
It is so difficult to feel safe when your very own family causes or allows the abuse. I am so glad you found the path to begin healing.
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My heart is with you, Pam. ?
Me, too!
Verbal sexual abuse is just as hurtful as physical and verbal sexual abuse in the workplace is rampant. No type of workplace is exempt from this. I believed I would be safe working in the legal field, but no it still happens.
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