I spent so much of my life questioning my worth…my purpose. I wondered what possible difference I was really making in the world. What a sad state of affairs. I guess I’m just a late bloomer. I was like a bobber on a fishing line. Kinda floating along giving some indication now and then when something struck from below. There was no thought of being the rod and reel where the work gets done.

I am a “fisher” now. I look for opportunities. I cast my words out into the world hoping they save even just one person from making the same mistakes I did/do. I operated from a place of fear. Once in a while, I find myself back on that all too familiar path. It usually happens in a moment of weakness…for instance, when I’m not feeling well. That’s when I can hear the lies being whispered inside. The negative self talk. Where did we learn such cruel language? When did we start thinking it was ok to talk to ourselves like this? We certainly wouldn’t tolerate it if someone else spoke to us in such an ugly manner…so why do we listen? Who taught us to do this to ourselves…and sometimes to each other?

We each are born with a special set of gifts. It doesn’t matter if you were born dirt poor or with a silver spoon in your mouth. It doesn’t matter what shade melanin has made your skin. It doesn’t matter who you love or what you look like. Every single one of us have valuable gifts that were specifically given to us to share with the world simply because the world needs it. I want you to hear me here…the WORLD needs that one special thing that only YOU can provide. You are important…no matter what that lying little snark in your brain is saying to you.

I let that little you-know-what live in my head rent free for far too long. I let her eat my lunch. I let her tell me I was toooooo…what? Fat? Ugly? Old? Stupid? Loud? Too much…whatever? I looked for every clue thrown my way by unthinking, uncaring people that would support the voice that was shouting in my head. Mr. Virgo helped me send that voice packing. I’d tell him what the voice said and he’d hold me and tell me how wonderful I was. I would tell him the things people said that “proved” the voice was right and he’d hold my hand, look me deep in the eyes and say, “Honey, you know that’s crazy, right?” And he said it enough and held me enough till I finally believed him and kicked that snarky voice right outta Dodge.

Then…he died.

Now it’s up to me to remember his words. It’s up to me to be my own cheerleader…my own guardian. I know it’s harder when you don’t feel good and when you’re down. But that’s when you have to dig down deep and remember…the world needs what you’ve got. And don’t let that inner bully tell you any different.

❤️

“Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.””

Deuteronomy 31:6 NIV