Most of the time, when you talk about your “Other Mother”, it’s the mom of your best friend from high school. My mom was my sister/friend’s “Other Mother”. They were tight, especially after I married and moved to England. They would go to the beach together and have a grand time. I was thrilled they enjoyed that relationship since I didn’t live near my mom.

God brought me my “Other Mother” when I needed her the most. Louisa and her husband, John, walked into my needlework shop in 2003, the year before my own mother passed away. He knew I was going to need a good woman friend to mother me through that loss. Louisa and John had moved to the Western Slope of Colorado after he retired a few years before. She wanted to learn to do something with her hands. She had a needlepoint kit hanging around and wanted me to teach her. Her vision was slowly deteriorating from Macular Degeneration so she needed something that didn’t involve terribly fine work. 

I scheduled an hour to sit with Louisa. That day, as we were gathering our work together, I asked her what her husband had done for a living. She said he was an Internal Medicine physician. Hmmmm. That’s what Hubby #2 did. We had been separated for three years by this point.

“How was that for YOU?” I asked.

The ensuing conversation put all thoughts of needlepoint out of our minds and we proceeded to share our stories. Our paths were remarkably similar. We both had suffered from a clinical depression. Her marriage survived that. Mine did not. We bonded that day and became incredibly close.

When Mr. Virgo and I decided to get married, I asked Louisa and John to stand in as my “parents” at the wedding. They were so thrilled to do so. I’ll never forget when Louisa toasted us and shared how honored she and John were to be included in such a way. 

When I moved home to West Virginia, Louisa and I remained close and spoke often on the phone. Every time I went to Colorado for a visit, we spend some quality time together…sometimes I even stayed at their house. We visited last summer when I was home and I noticed right away there had been a rapid deterioration in both John and Louisa. John’s mind was rapidly slipping away to dementia. Louisa’s COPD was taking it’s toll. She was always impeccably dressed when you went to visit. This time, she was seated in her ladie’s wing-backed chair in her dressing gown, her lovely hair slight disheveled in wisps around her face.

She was still her sharp-witted self, but I could see she was weary. We didn’t visit for too long. Her son had been staying with them for a bit to help out. We parted with promised to talk often. 

The summer was eaten up with medical visits and soon it was fall before we spoke again. She was trying to be a good soldier, but I could tell how weary she was. We spoke in October when I shared Mr. FixIt and I were soon getting married. She was thrilled. She met him the summer before and loved him. However, she was a proper, old-school, Southern Belle from Owensboro, Kentucky and she did not like us living together without being married.

I was going to call her last week but one thing and another came up. Finally, this past Monday, I got this urgent “nudge” to call her so I listened. 

The first thing she said was, “So, are you married yet????” She was in hospice care now. 

“Yes, ma’am. We got married on the 13th of October.” 

“Ok, good. You know I didn’t like that!” She gently scolded.

“Yes, my dear…I know.”

She told me her granddaughter was being married next month and she just wanted to live till that happened. Our sweet Miss Louisa went home to God late that evening. I was so glad I had listened to that still small voice that said, “Call Louisa.”

I didn’t find out till a mutual friend texted me yesterday. I was crushed, as you are in the first few moments after hearing of such a loss. After I had a good cry, I thought of my Miss Louisa sitting down to “tea”…her vernacular for a good stiff cocktail. Maybe she’s sitting with Mr. Virgo and my mom…enjoying a lovely visit…talking about me and shaking their heads at stories of my misadventures. Whatever she is doing, I know I will sit with her again some sunny day. But, my oh my…this has been a difficult couple of months. I want my loved ones to stop dying now, thank you very much. Cumulative grief is a very real phenomenon. You can read more about it through the link below. ?

https://whatsyourgrief.com/cumulative-grief-aka-grief-overload/

“We are confident, I say, and would prefer to be away from the body and at home with the Lord.”

2 Corinthians 5:8 NIV