‘Tis the season of happy holidays. Hanukkah, Christmas, Kwanzaa, New Years…all times for gathering with the people you love. The sharing of meals, gifts, companionship. It’s all so hectic and frenzied and fun…isn’t it? It is…until it isn’t. I remember when I was a new widow. The fun evenings out with others pretty much ended. Invitations dried up. It was especially hurtful when I was left on the outside looking in. 

Social media is the first to show when you’ve been left out of a fun event. Pictures of parties and gatherings you once attended seem to go on without you and that is particularly painful to note. It isn’t exclusive to the bereaved. Those of us who live far away from our families feel the same sense of longing and feeling a little left out. I haven’t flown to Colorado for the holidays for a long time. Partially for financial reasons…partially because of unpredictable travel to the Rockies in the winter months. I just don’t like to fly anymore and driving cross country in the winter isn’t reasonable.

We haven’t had our FixIt Family Holiday Extravaganza yet…it’s coming. But in the meantime, I watched the fun happening at the Annual Cookie Bake Off in Colorado yesterday via Facebook and I felt pretty darned sorry for myself. My heart has been tender this month anyway…it doesn’t take much to hurt it right now. It’ll sting for a bit…then I’ll pick myself up by the bootstraps and get moving on with something else. 

It’s not like I have nothing to do. I am always busy doing something. Mr. FixIt went to the bowling alley last night. He’s a sub on the league he’s bowled on for decades so he’s in hog heaven hanging with his buddies. I sat at home in the big, comfy red chair…knitting another little stocking. I had the TV tuned to a roaring fireplace scene complete with sounds of a crackling fire. The gas fireplace kept the room toasty and I tucked my lap blanket up around me.

I was enjoying a bowl of warmed up chicken and noodles when I caught sight of the neighbors coming up the walk. My heart leapt with joy. They have three little girls and they were bringing us homemade cookies!!! I invited them in and they told me what kind of cookies they made. They told me their names and ages. The little one is three now! The last time they brought us cookies, she was just a toddler. 

I gratefully took their precious offering and went to the dining room to get their box of cookies and fudge I had waiting for them. I handed it to the oldest, and told her what kind of cookies I made for them. When I got to “fudge”, her little eyes widened and twinkled. Now I know for sure what to give them next year! LOTS of fudge!

As they trudged back down the sidewalk, I stayed at the door and waved goodbye and I thought of my grandma. How many times did she stand on the front porch and wave goodbye to the littles? How many times did her hanky come out of the pocket of her housedress to wipe a tear away because she missed us all so far away?

I could feel her near me saying, “It’s ok to be a little sad, pet.” 

It’s only because we LOVE that we feel anything at all. And LOVE…real love…is worth all the tears that come after. We have FixIt Family Fun coming up soon and that’s something joyful to look forward to!

?

“But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.”

1 Timothy 5:8 ESV