“I don’t remember having a loving relationship with my dad…ever.”

Father’s Day is coming soon. I don’t remember ever seeing a photo of my dad holding me. I don’t remember him offering his hand to help me walk. I don’t recall any kissed booboos or falling asleep in his lap. I do remember him bouncing my brother and me on his knees to the tune of Bonanza when it aired on Sunday nights. I remember watching fireworks from the car three blocks away from the park. I remember going fishing with him…once. I wouldn’t touch the worm. He was done.

“My Field of Dreams.”

I know, I know…how many pictures of a field am I going to post here, right? Oh…however many times I am moved by the view, I suppose…which is daily. Every day, every hour, the view changes with the light. This was taken Sunday afternoon after the heavy rain and hail that swept through the surrounding area. I love the way the sky is slightly pink as the sun begins to set over the hill far to the left there. The air is soft with humidity and brushes the edges of the woods with a velvety glow.

“Clockwise from top left: Milkweed about to bloom, box turtle preparing to lay eggs, hail along the road, the field we were married in, hail from 10 miles down the road from the Ponderosa”

When you live twenty miles from town and get a severe thunderstorm warning for home, you have to just hope for the best. I always send a quick prayer up when we get those alerts but this time it came while we were in the restaurant having breakfast and didn’t have our phones on us.

“Taking a breather after a long day.”

Mr. FixIt and I have been like two ships passing in the night the last two weeks. He is still working on the porch he is building in town plus he is helping a friend move. In between, he has helped with the mowing and weed eating. He is a busy man and a very hard worker. I am very proud of him and love his work ethic. But…I’ll be really glad when the jobs that are taking him away from home are completed and we can do more things together…even if it’s more jobs that need doing around here.

“The glorious Luna Moth!”

It takes about ten days for the egg of the luna moth to hatch into a tiny caterpillar and another five to six weeks for that caterpillar to go through multiple instars (stages of growth) to reach its full size…2.5” long by 3/4” diameter. That’s a big green worm! Once it reaches its full size, it spins a cocoon and usually about two weeks later, the moth emerges, wings shriveled and damp. Over the course of several hours, fluid is pumped into the wings, they dry, and voila…one of the largest silk moths of North America emerges to grace us with its presence.

“I’ve finished the wedding quilt!”

I have over 28,000 emails on my iPhone. This makes my daughter crazy. She says, “What if you missed something???” I say, “Yeah, there’s always a chance of that. But, what if I stayed on my phone for 8 hours a day reading, answering, or deleting every e-mail that came through? I wouldn’t get anything else done.”

I have been known to miss an occasional message, but for the most part, when I scan through, I see the important stuff. A couple of weeks ago, I saw something intriguing come through. Someone was searching for quotes about if or how and why blogging through grief has helped me cope. I wrote back and didn’t think much more about it.

“Severe weather, volunteer pumpkins, a more mowing…another day on the Ponderosa.”

As with most of you, I browsed the news yesterday morning and saw the destruction from the many severe storms throughout the Midwest. I know people there…I was praying for them all. I knew we were supposed to get some rain yesterday, but I didn’t know how severe the storm was going to be.

I went to Schoolhouse Quilts around lunchtime to pick up my daughter’s wedding quilt. I need to sew the binding and then it will be finished. I was finishing my coffee while I visited with Carolyn, the owner. My phone rang. It was Mr. FixIt telling me to look at the radar…we were about to get hit hard.

“Let your conversations be gracious and attractive.”

I have been trying to be more conscious of my conversations of late. I try to steer clear of gossip…listening or repeating. I try to discern the difference between sharing concern or inquiring of someone’s wellbeing and telling tales out of school. I have to be honest…I haven’t always done the best at that. 

I’m a storyteller, but I don’t want to be known as a gossip. So when I have conversations with others, I seek to be gracious. I do have my closest confidants with whom I can be brutally honest, but still be gracious.

“Praying for others is the key to freedom.”

As time passes, my daughter’s wedding is looming in the forefront of my mind. What to wear? Well, I’ve bought three dresses…so far. It depends what suits me that day, I think. The event seems to be fast and loose so I’m not terribly worried about that part. 

As I headed into this, the idea of being the mother of the bride…for the last time really…filled me with delicious anticipation mixed with bits of trepidation. Her father and I have mended a lot of fences over the years and I am so proud of the way we can demonstrate good behaviors for our kids and grandkids. Long gone are the angry jabs at each other over a love gone awry.

“He was a soldier. He was a son.”

They called him Sonny. He was their bright ray of sunshine. Smart, sensitive, talented, destined to go far. When Grandma and Pop-Pop got the telegram that their Sonny was gone, part of them died in that moment as well. People said they were never the same. I wouldn’t know what they were like before. I was not yet two when Sonny’s plane went down.