This is a tough one for most people. I try. I think I practice humility, most of the time. And I feel I approach people gently. But patience? If patience is a virtue, I am far from being a virtuous woman! The pastor was talking last weekend about what happens when you can see your goals and dreams but they just aren’t manifesting for you in real time. What happens when you get a clear picture of what God wants you to do but no matter what you try, you can’t get there? Oh, it’s so hard to be patient and wait for things to happen in God’s time, isn’t it?
The more I pry into this camper, the more work there is to be done. Oy! Good thing I’m not in any hurry!
I had a lovely day yesterday. I got a lot more done in the camper but got to a stopping point and had to go to town for a special bit to remove screws. I stopped at an antique mall and picked up the white metal cabinet and the little chandelier for my camper renovation. Ran errands, then picked up a salad and a friend and went to the park to listen to live music.
If you are grieving, please know there is hope…for healing, for brighter days, for joy. Those of us who have walked this particular journey know full well the feelings of hopelessness that come in the dark of night. We know how hard it is to find the motivation to do the simplest of everyday tasks like personal grooming, cleaning house, cooking. Preparing a meal becomes Herculean. Brushing your teeth is as daunting as climbing Everest. Balancing your checkbook is something you did in a former life…you know, that time back in the day when your brain functioned as it should.
Oh, how I love summer! The days are long and bright and packed full of sunshine and flowers and fun activities. Yesterday was an action packed day. I was up at 6:30 and didn’t get back home till nearly midnight, at which time I had to still write my post. I write every evening, pretty much without fail. I think I could count on two hands how many days I’ve missed since Mr. Virgo died.
I know I have been delving into matters of faith a lot the last few weeks. I know there is a delicate balance between what people are willing to listen to and that point where they shut down and say, “Yeah, ok. I’ve heard enough of this.” And they move on. I get it. I really try not to get preachy here because matters of faith are highly personal. And, since I am wont to do, I often share highly personal things here…much to the chagrin of some of my family and friends. Sometimes what I talk about might make you uncomfortable. That’s ok. Feeling uncomfortable once in a while is good. It makes us think. It helps us to question and make choices. The things I tell you about my experiences in my faith, I tell because there is someone out there who has questions but are afraid to ask. I tell you these things because I am amazed at how God works in my life, even as I have come to expect it. That being said, let me tell you what happened in my world yesterday.
We are truly knee-deep in June now here in West Virginia. We’ve been getting some rain finally. But oh my…it has been so hot so now it’s muggy. It is a pleasure to lay in front of an open window at night, though. When the cool of the evening comes in and you pull a quilt up to your chin, it makes for divine sleeping weather.
I went to town for the last Saturday evening service at my church till fall. I love going on Saturday night, going out to dinner with a friend afterwards, then taking a long walk by the river as the day cools off. It was a perfect evening.
Oh…I almost hate to show you what I’ve gotten myself into. Y’all are gonna sit there and roll your eyes and shake your heads. As with most projects, the more you tear into it, the more you find needs doing. Thank goodness my friend, Mr. Fix-It, is willing to help me with the heavy stuff. We cleaned everything out of her today so we could get a good look at the job ahead. We started by making a list of what needs doing and setting priorities. First off was the realization there is no earthly way of getting this thing done before I leave for Colorado next month. Not and do it right anyway. Sigh.
The obsession has begun. The camper was ready to be picked up yesterday afternoon. The gentleman I purchased it from had to get the title for me. A lot of time these old campers have no title...just a bill of sale. Depending on the state you are in, this can be a huge, drawn out, expensive problem. I have passed on several affordable campers because there was no title.
A torrential downpour hit just as I pulled up to the house. After ten minutes or so, the clouds broke and I was able to hook up the camper. I thought I should check the air in the tires before I drove too far so I headed to the nearest gas station. Upon further inspection, the tires were so old and dry rotted, I didn’t dare put more air in them. The first order of business was the dreaded DMV…that black hole where time is sucked into a whirling vortex and spits you out several hours later…poorer, starving and frazzled. After sitting an hour and a half, my number was next. That’s when the nice DMV lady stood up and said, “I know it looks like we aren’t doing anything up here, but I finally reached someone I know in Charleston and the entire state’s computer system is down. We will let you know if it comes back on.” If. Not when…IF. Sigh. I waited a while and gave up. If I got stopped without tags, I’d just have to show the trooper the title and tell them the story.
Those of you who have been here from the beginning know I really, really wanted a vintage camper when I started this adventure. I listened to Mr. Virgo’s advice…posthumously…and bought a new camper. It was probably the right decision at the time because I lacked the necessary skills and stamina to deal with a camper that needed fixing up. Now though…now I’m good and really excited to start a new adventure. And this time I’m going vintage!!!
The life I led before becoming a widow fell away from me on March 12, 2013. I was a beautiful caterpillar before that day…pretty, perfect, moving from meal to meal mindlessly. Oh, it didn’t seem mindless at the time. I was full of energy and purpose and life and love. But the day Mr. Virgo died, the “ME” I was left for good. I tried for a long time to get her back. In my naïveté, I thought it was somehow possible to get over all this and get back to the business of living my life as a caterpillar. After a while, I finally got it…that part of my life was over.
