What happens when you hit the wall? When grief raises its ugly head and bites you in the butt? When you “wear the same jammies four days straight” and can’t get out of yourself like a friend of mine did recently? It happens. When you think you’re done with grief, that b**** will grab you by the short hairs and lay you low…just like that. So, what do you do?
Coming home late at night means you don’t get to survey the grounds till morning. And, since the next morning was yesterday and I wanted to go to church, I didn’t get a chance to look around till afternoon. As I pulled up the driveway, I could see the top of this tree peeking around the end of the barn. There was a heavy storm here Friday night and it broke this dead tree off about four feet from the bottom and it came down right between the barn and the old pigpen. As you can see, somewhere along the line, some old furniture got dumped up behind the barn. And I put the straw bales from the kitties’ winter home up there after the thaw. Now I have a tree to cut up. It’s never a dull moment here on the farm.
The trip home was far less eventful than the trip last weekend. Thank God, there were no accidents along the way. I stopped for one last incredible latte at Sweet T’s in Duck and left behind the painted rock that I had found in Wytheville on the way down. I hope someone finds it and hides it somewhere else. I loved the sentiment on many levels…“Believe”.
Even though the trip was uneventful, it was long and exhausting. Eleven hours with three or four stops along the way to stretch my legs. I saw things I’d never seen before. I drove through the tunnel under the Chesapeake Bay. That was pretty neat. A tad disconcerting to think of all that water above me, I have to admit. I saw the big aircraft carriers in Newport News. I loved all the bridges going across the expanses of water in the south. It’s so open and free. This week is “Bike Week” on the Outer Banks. I’ll bet I passed, at the very least, a thousand motorcycles on their way down to the beach and I counted my lucky stars they weren’t there during my quiet getaway.
Life is about choices. Every day we are faced with the choice to rise up and grab life by the tail and wring every ounce of, what…joy, love, happiness, laughter, beauty, energy, excitement, sweetness? All that and more await us every day. Even if you struggle with depression, anxiety, grief, sadness, fear, loss….there is room for choices in your life.
Two weeks after Mr. Virgo died, I had a choice to make. I could die, metaphorically. Or I could live…really live. With joy and abundance. It was not easy. Especially early on. But I made every day count. I looked for joyful things to put in front of me to make life bearable. I surprised myself with joy. And, the more times I chose joy, the lighter my load became. It wasn’t overnight by any stretch of the imagination. But bit by bit, every positive choice helped bring me up from the abyss into the light.
This picture was taken the year before I was born. Four of my cousins gathered for their “stair step” photo in front of my aunt’s house, documenting their growth from year to year. I chose this picture as an example of the photos of our youth. The pictures had margins. Within the margin was the date the photo was developed. Grandma could write names and places in the margin so we could remember who was there and where we were. A lot of information was held in that margin. It was a breathing space between then and now.
Yesterday dawned dark and grey again. Every day I’ve been here has been cloudy for the biggest portion of the day with tons of rain. Have I let it get in the way of enjoying myself? Heck no! It’s actually put me in just the right places at just the right times. After breakfast, I headed to the north end of the island to visit the Currituck Lighthouse. I was amazed when I got there and saw a man dangling from the tippy top. He was bolting down cables wrapped around the top of the lighthouse to secure it for another hundred years. I thought maybe they were not allowing visitors in but that wasn’t the case. While the other two lighthouses were $4 and $5, the Currituck is $10. I did not see National Parks people there so I assume it is not a government facility.
Yesterday was one of those days that was so jam packed with fun activities and sights seen that I really should have written them all down. The sun was out this morning so I made a bee-line for the local coffee shop then hit the beach. I soaked up every sight, sound and smell as I sipped my latte. Then I grabbed a quick breakfast in the condo before I headed south. My goal was to travel clear down to the tip of the island, which I did, but that beautiful sunny sky turned dark and threatening so fast. I can see how sailors get in trouble so fast with the changing face of the sea.
Oh, my…I have discovered the subtle intricacies of North Carolina BBQ. A totally different experience from the bold, smoky heat of the BBQ I’m used to out west, Carolina BBQ sauce is vinegar based. Slightly sweet, slightly tart with a mild heat that just wakes up your tongue. And the meat? Heavenly! I had a sampler platter from High Cotton BBQ in Kitty Hawk yesterday afternoon that was to die for. While I was a little disappointed in the ribs (the meat was fairly chewy even though it did fall from the bone), the pork was succulent and melt-in-your mouth perfection and the brisket was only slightly less so. All this was accompanied by collard greens that were perfect and a wonderful crisp coleslaw. I opted for fries because I like the crisp, salty contrast to the tender meat, even though I didn’t even eat half of them. Trust me, there was no room for dessert and a long walk was definitely in order afterwards.
I received a private message yesterday from a reader asking what tow vehicle I use and what model of camper I tow. She has followed my blog for quite some time and is thinking of downsizing and taking off in a camper. While that is exactly what I did, hindsight is 20/20 and there are things I would have done differently had I known then what I know now. No huge regrets, but some remorse.
Think “Wright Brothers”. Think “Cape Hatteras” and “lighthouses” and “sand” and “surf”. It was 86° and sunshine when I got here at 3:00. Four hours later there had been a heavy rain and it dropped down to 60°. Welcome to springtime on the Outer Banks. The complex I have the good fortune of staying in is half empty right now with only the occasional sound of children playing on the beach or in the nearby pool. In six weeks, it will be an entirely different place. This is my favorite time to travel…off season.