I woke up yesterday and smiled at Mr. FixIt.

“I’m makin’ waffles!”

“Hey…that sounds great!”

I padded into the kitchen, got my coffee brewing, and started to gather my ingredients. I like to make high protein pancakes because I try to keep tight control on Mr. FixIt’s blood sugars. Poor man doesn’t stand a chance, marrying a Diabetes Educator. Regular pancakes will cause a spike in blood sugar then when the simple carbs burn off, it’s crash city and that not only feels bad, it’s not good for you.

I received an email over the weekend from the daughter of the soldier named on my POW/MIA bracelet! She was thrilled to hear of another of her father’s bracelets out there and thanked me profusely for taking the time to find her. She shared her mailing address and I’ll get the bracelet sent off to her this week. The internet is still good for sharing love and light around the world. Like all tools, it’s what you use it for that makes the difference.

Where the magic happens…the camera on the iPhone 13 Pro Max

So, we went to town yesterday and got new cell phones. Mr. FixIt didn’t even HAVE a cell phone till his work finally insisted on it. Then, he relied on a flip phone and only used it for the rare phone call. He did try to take pictures on it. Remember that? You had a teeny tiny little screen to look at. I suppose we downloaded them onto our computers, but the resolution was so poor, you could hardly tell what or who was in the photo. 

A hundred lifetimes ago, I baked competitively and had a bit of a reputation around town as The Pie Queen. The year I got four 1st Place and one 2nd Place, I realized God keeps us humble in pretty blatant ways sometimes and I stepped away from competition to let others coming up behind me have a chance at the fame and fun. I never really missed it. Funny, one of the things I kept was that box full of ribbons. Tales of the glory days, I suppose.

Ok, it’s not MY book…yet. This is the memory book I’ve made for the family. I know…it’s supposed to be a surprise for Christmas, but my gosh…to see it in print and hold it in my hand???? I am now SO super motivated to finish my own book and get it published! I’m such a stickler for perfection. (I have a couple of dear friends who send me private messages to tell me when I have a typo in my blog!) I read this thing cover to cover…several times and still, there are two little typos. But, I don’t care. They probably won’t even be noticed by anyone but me anyway.

I won’t say my childhood sucked, because there were some really great parts of it. But, due to some of the situations I was placed in as a child, my self esteem took a giant hit and I never felt like I was enough. Or, maybe I was “too much”. Whatever…I never really felt like I fit in. I had a tight core of friends. There were a few bullies. And, there were all these people who didn’t give me the time of day. I grew up thinking it was because they didn’t like me. I internalized it to mean there was something wrong with me.

That’s me, standing where the house used to sit just after they moved it onto the new basement.

I had to go to town for a followup appointment with the endocrinologist to bring him up to speed with all that’s been going on with my parathyroid issues. The symptoms are the same and it’s obvious to everyone I need to get this thing taken care of. He said it’s like having termites in your house. You may not see much evidence, but behind the scenes the little suckers are busy and before you know it, the piano is in the basement. That’s what is happening with hyperparathyroidism. It is slowly leaching the calcium from my bones so the time is now to get to the bottom of it. 

I’ve been pretty lucky in the kitchen over the years. I have won a box full of ribbons for my pies and cakes and for canned and baked goods in various fairs and contests over the years. I’ve been featured in a couple of local papers when I lived in Glenwood Springs and was known as “The Pie Queen”. I taught baking classes and baked for a couple of the restaurants in town. I can remember two major mishaps in the Colorado kitchen. 

I have a dear sister/friend who sends me songs through Messenger every once in a while. She and I actually met in choir and music has been much more a part of who she is than it has been for me. For years, I couldn’t drive without blasting the musing and singing at the top of my lungs. Mr. Virgo and I had CDs we had burned with “road trip music” in the days before MP3 players. To this day, when I hear “Hotel California” and “Go Your Own Way” it takes me back to a highway in Arizona that looked all the world like an old western movie.

I was writing my post Friday night as I always do. Then I schedule it to go live at 4:00am so you can sit down and have coffee “with” me. I checked my messages and a reader shared the following poem from the website, A Bed for My Heart.

— You Don’t Just Lose Someone Once —

You lose them over and over, 
sometimes many times a day.
When the loss, momentarily forgotten,
creeps up, 
and attacks you from behind.
Fresh waves of grief as the realisation hits home,
they are gone.
Again.

You don’t just lose someone once, 
you lose them every time you open your eyes to a new dawn,
and as you awaken, 
so does your memory, 
so does the jolting bolt of lightning that rips into your heart,
they are gone.
Again.

Losing someone is a journey,
not a one-off.
There is no end to the loss,
there is only a learned skill on how to stay afloat,
when it washes over.

Be kind to those who are sailing this stormy sea, 
they have a journey ahead of them,
and a daily shock to the system each time they realise,
they are gone,
Again.

You don’t just lose someone once, 
you lose them every day, 

for a lifetime.

© Donna Ashworth Words

She said it made her cry. I understand that. I know the sentiment of this poem. I’ve lived it. I still live it…even though I am very happily remarried. Even though I have a beautiful life I never dreamed possible. I’m still a widow. Not an actively grieving widow…but a widow nonetheless. I shared with her something that happened to me Friday.