After an entire week of angst and anxiety, I sat with my bible study on “Overcoming Anxiety” and let it go...again. How many times do we have to let it go?? As many times as it takes. I’m pretty well convinced it’s not the last time, but the peace I felt yesterday was complete and it gave me such an incredible sense of relief.

PopPop and three of his brothers in front of the house before it was moved onto the new basement.

Ok, I’m still doing some remembering. Even though the farm was sold at auction on Tuesday, that doesn’t end my relationship with it. I am incredibly blessed that the new buyers will welcome me there. And there are still so many stories to be told. This is the oldest photo I can find of Grandma’s house. The men picture here are four of five brothers...my PopPop is the third from the left.

When you’re retired, things aren’t quite as scheduled as they are when you have limited time to get projects completed. This can be a good thing if you normally stress out about things that you envision need to be finished in a certain period of time. However, once you hit retirement, things may not be done in a timely fashion. I have discovered there are two time configurations in our house...my time, and “Mr. FixIt Time”. Now, do not get me wrong, when this man gets a job done, it is as good or better than any professional you’d have to pay the big bucks to. But...it may take a little longer than you particularly care for.

My Salvaged Shelf from Mr. FixIt

I was so relieved when I got to talk to my brother last evening. He sounded so much stronger. He really wanted to go home yesterday, but the doctor wanted to keep him one more night and watch his kidneys. He’s not a big water drinker, so it’s going to be a challenge encouraging his intake. I think avoiding the hospital might be a big motivator! He did really well, he was well cared for, and Daughter #1 visited him twice. Thank you all for your prayers...we felt every one.

When it rains, it pours. You all have heard me talk about my Bubby. He has a developmental disability and cerebral palsy and I’ve always been his biggest fan. He lived at home with our mom all his life and when she passed rather suddenly in January of 2004, he wanted to come live near me. He was accepted into a wonderful program for assisting adults like him and has lived in one of their homes in as independent a setting as he can attain. He has a roommate and they do their own shopping and cook their own meals, take their own medicines, and work at their own jobs. 

The Last Morning at The Farm

The last twenty-four hours I could say the farm was mine offered a hundred lessons. I always write at night before I go to bed, but it was afternoon when I wrote yesterday’s post. Something nudged me to get it out of the way so I could just experience the evening and enjoy the peace and quiet...uninterrupted. 

She was only fifteen when she ran off with the hired hand on her daddy’s farm and got married in Oakland, Maryland. She finished eighth grade, and could read and write and cipher. PopPop was twenty-two. He also left school when his daddy died young, leaving his mama to raise five little boys under the age of ten. He was the oldest and he needed to help feed his little brothers.

Charles Dickens was speaking of the events leading up to the French Revolution, of course. And my little slice of reality is nothing in comparison. However, whenever we are going through hard things, our things are the hardest things because they’re OUR things. Grief has many sources, and it’s no small thing to walk away from your family home.

I’ve gotten a lot better about handing things over to God as I age. I just get tired and lose patience and turn it over later than I should. I told you about giving Him the taxes to handle. The rest of the story happened yesterday.

When I went to bed Thursday night, I told God I was just going to leave this folder on His desk and I’d look for his report in the morning. Well, when I got up yesterday, I went into the office and sat down. After going through that whole rigamarole over the printer and printing everything out, I still wasn’t comfortable sending it in that way. Mainly because I would have to send all those 1099’s and such, and I just wanted to keep it simple. I wanted to e-file.

Lord, I’ve tried to keep up with everything the last few months. When I posted yesterday’s message, I was so incredibly overwhelmed with all that’s on my plate and I was at my wit’s end. So, I did what I do when the burning ends of the candle are threatening to meet in the middle. I had a conversation with God. I told him I was tired and I really needed to sleep. I said I felt like I was beating my head against a brick wall with these taxes and I just could NOT figure out what was wrong. I handed everything over to Him and said, “Can you take care of this tonight so I can rest. In the morning, you can tell me what I’m doing wrong and what I need to do to fix it.” God has bigger hands than me.