I spent far more time than I care to admit trying to understand things that happened to me in my 62+ years. From childhood sexual abuse to a twenty year marriage gone horribly wrong to losing my soul mate when I was only 59, I worked my worry till it nearly made me crazy. I was bitter and angry. I tried to make sense of it all by going over it and over it and over it some more. It was like trying to stack eggs. You aren’t going to have much more than empty shells and a big mess to clean up.

Somewhere along this grief path, I figured out I would never find peace pursuing the demons of my past. I realized no matter how much I chased them, they would always be just out of my reach. Oh, therapy did wonders for helping me define what had happened to me, but it left me little in the way of resolution. It’s exhausting to try to live like that. Maybe it was standing on top of the Rockies and screaming that did it. Maybe it was walking around Mr. Virgo’s grave, beating my chest, head flung back, wailing at the sky that released me. Maybe it was 23,000 miles behind the wheel of a pickup truck that gave me the time to sort it all out. But somewhere, somehow, I forgave everyone of everything…including myself. I was just too darned tired to carry all that crap around with me anymore. I wasn’t always a good wife. I wasn’t always a good mother. I wasn’t always a good friend. I certainly wasn’t always a good daughter. But I did my best with what I knew at the time. And, like Maya Angelou said, when I knew better…I did better.

Letting go of the past allowed me to stop being a victim of it. Oh, I slip up now and then. I’m human. But I see it all so clearly now. Hindsight truly IS 20/20. Stop beating yourself up over water that has long since flowed under the bridge. You deserve to live in peace. Let it go and simply…

be. here. now.

With a pure and open heart.

❤️

“Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”

Ephesians 4:31-32 NIV