I got right to work on the taxes yesterday morning after having an epiphany during the night. This happens all the time to me. There’s something I need to do and try as I might, I can’t figure it out. So, when I finally remember I’m supposed to be handing all this mishegas to God to take care of, I hand it over and go to sleep. And nine times out of ten, I wake up and know exactly what I need to do to fix the problem. 

It happened again yesterday morning. I went right to the computer and boom, boom, boom…I had the old taxes right in front of me and I got to work. I wore the headphones a lot yesterday as I worked so Mr. FixIt could watch the TV. I love him dearly. I was finding myself overly annoyed at the television though. I have discovered, if I get up thirty minutes to an hour before he does, I can sit in my Big Red Chair and enjoy that first cup of RYZE in blissful silence. Then, when he gets up, I start breakfast and if he turn Andy Griffith on right away and I can eat and watch with my second cup…Mama is a MUCH nicer human which in turn make Papa much happier.

Once we get through that, I usually have my sights set on something productive and that’s when I put my noise canceling headphones on and go about my business. I cannot change him. I don’t want to change him. I just want to figure out a way to navigate my day without getting angry at an inanimate object that seems intent on disturbing my peace.

This brings me to my second discovery. If I reframe the thought “This darned television is making me CRAZY!” into “Hearing the TV on reminds me my husband is still here with me.” When you’ve lost one, you never forget what a huge hole they left in your life. I can’t change him. I don’t WANT to change him. I want him here with me for as long as God grants us to be together this side of Heaven.

I had to stop working by about 4:30 to get ready for our eldest WV grandchild’s birthday party. They had a houseful and we got to play with the grand-doggies. Ivy is a Bernedoodle, about eighteen months old. And the new baby is Cooper, an 8 week old blonde golden retriever. What cute little fluff nuggets! We had a wonderful time with family.

My first husband and his family are in my heart this weekend as they lay his only son to rest on Sunday. I chatted with Daughter #1 yesterday afternoon at the airport. She said the side streets were really bad in Denver, but the main streets were clear and dry. DIA didn’t get very much snow at all and flights were moving pretty much on schedule. 

I’ll head to town this morning and get my hair trimmed. I was thinking I’d cut my bangs again, but when I blew my hair dry last night, I really liked it. So maybe just a trim. I don’t know. I guess I’ll figure it out when I get there.

I have to spend the day tomorrow getting ready for the trip up to Gail’s for our knitting retreat. It’s really crazy. I have to have my own pillow. I have a small fuzzy baby blanket that I put on top of the pillow that feels more comforting to my skin than a pillowcase. I had a second, slightly larger fuzzy blanket that I fold up and hold against my chest. I’m a side sleeper and this props up the top arm and keeps it from going to sleep. I have a third fuzzy blanket that I use instead of a top sheet because I love the feel of the soft, kinky fabric against my skin. 

Yes. I’m fully aware that I am high maintenance. That’s not really a problem…because I do the maintaining. We all have our own little quirks…things that make us feel comfortable. The ability to self-comfort is a skill we would all do well to know. I learned a long time ago not to depend on someone else for my happiness and comfort. The fact that I have someone willing and able to provide that and that I can reciprocate is icing on the cake of my life that I do not take lightly or for granted.

I remember after Mr. Virgo died, I would get so upset with couples who were unkind to each other on the regular. I wanted to shake them and wake them up to the reality of what happens when your person isn’t there anymore. They really don’t get…till it happens to them.

🌷

”May the Lord repay you for what you have done. May you be richly rewarded by the Lord, the God of Israel, under whose wings you have come to take refuge.”“

Ruth 2:12 NIV