“For the Lord gives wisdom; from his mouth come knowledge and understanding;”
‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭2:6‬ ‭ESV

A friend of mine tagged me on a Facebook post yesterday. It seems there was a woman walking the Quincy Hill steps alone when she was approached by someone with nefarious intent. She said every bell and whistle was going off and she knew if she hadn’t been able to get away and outrun this guy, something bad would have happened. My friend knows how many times I have climbed those steps alone. She wanted me to know so I would be more careful.

I haven’t walked those steps alone for about two years now. For a number of reasons, not the least of which is my knees giving me fits from walking said steps so much. But also, my common sense seems to have returned to me after taking a few years off after losing Mr. Virgo.

I don’t know for sure what prompted me to put myself in risky situations when I was a new widow. Probably part of it was just being in such a fog, I couldn’t think through all the potential consequences. But a very real part of it was…I really didn’t care if I lived or died. And when the pain was brutal in the early years, I believe I would have actually welcomed death over the seemingly never ending horror grief brought down on me.

I think back. Would I get in a camper and travel into the wilderness and backroads of Colorado for three months now. The answer is yes, without a doubt. Would I hike three hours into the Weimenuche Wilderness with nothing but a small daypack now. No, I don’t think I would. Would I live in a camper and travel the country alone. Yes, I would…in a heartbeat. Would I stand out in the surf during the storm surge of a hurricane without a life jacket now? Oh, h*** no!!!

I seem to have gained some common sense back in the last year or so. I care again. I’m a bit more cautious now. Not in a fearful way, but in a careful way. In a way that says I have a lot of living left to do…I want to do that. The only real regret I have is that I tried to date WAY to soon after losing Mr. Virgo. That was an incredibly painful experience…not only for me, but for the other party as well. It wasn’t fair to do that to him.

The bottom line is, we need to be gentle with ourselves when we are going through grief. The impact runs so much deeper than we can comprehend while we are in the throes of it. And, the flip side is…things do get better after a time. A new normal. ❤

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