Yesterday was one of those Colorado days that inspire poetry. Not a cloud in the sky. A beautiful drive through the mountains with stunning vistas at every turn. I played tourist and stopped at all the amazing views to take pictures. I was absolutely on top of the world.

I stopped at Vail for a little break and when I pulled back onto the highway, this immense wave of sadness washed over me. The further west I drove, the stronger the wave. Through my tears, I thought it over. Why this moment? Why here? Why now? The most obvious answer is, this is where Mr. Virgo was laid to rest. As the landscape became more and more like the sagebrush hills where he is buried, the more insistent the thoughts of him were. And, I was tired. Very, very tired. I’d been driving for days and I just hit the wall. It’s been six months since I visited his gravesite. It was time.

I went to see my brother first. He’s doing well. We watched baseball and visited. He doesn’t like his new hearing aids. I’m not surprised. He gave me a birthday card. And lots of hugs. We’ll visit a couple more times before I head back to Denver. I needed to get to the cemetery.

I was struck by how deep my sadness was. It snuck up on me and totally took me by surprise. I cried harder than I have in quite some time. And once I got it out, I felt much better. It’s just that…this still sucks. It will always suck. Sometimes it just sucks more than others. I miss this man. Dammit.

I visited my former neighbors and played with their kids. Then came to my brother/friend’s house and sat on the back deck and listened to the creek gurgle. And life is good again.

❤️

“Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.”

1 Peter 5:7 NIV