As I sat in bed the other night with my little lap desk and my iPad typing this, I had the windows open. At 9:00pm it was still in the mid-60’s and the peepers were calling from the ditch by the road that borders our property. The house was quiet…my husband was off bowling with his buddies. On his own. We have slowly increased his independence and he’s started driving a little. It is a great relief for him to return to some normalcy. It is a great relief to me that he can.

I saw this meme the other day, and as is my wont, saved it for a future post. I am always looking for something that triggers a good story. This one reminds me of a prayer I prayed fervently for three years after Hubby #2 and I split up. That was such a convoluted mess. There were so many factors that went into the way that whole thing came down. Long term depression. An over abundance of far-too-available medications. A psychiatrist who was a really nice guy, but not a great doctor. Two people who were emotionally unavailable for vastly different reasons. Like I said, it was a mess.

When we finally extricated ourselves from this dreadful dance and got some distance, I went on a crusade to “win him back…no matter what it took.” Let’s just say, that was not the healthiest decision I ever made but it was what I desperately wanted at the time. I prayed this prayer every day.

“God, please! Fix my family!”

Over and over I prayed these five words. I’d get hopeful, then my hopes were dashed. Finally, after three-and-a-half years…I let go and moved on. It was a slow and arduous process and not one without pratfalls. But eventually I found my balance and began to love myself and my life. Then Mr. Virgo came along.

And, just like that it seemed…he was gone.

His untimely and sudden death drew my closest family and friends around me to offer solace and comfort. I remember gathering for a family celebration and Hubby #2 was there with his wife. We were alone in the kitchen. I think we were having tea. 

“Isn’t it a shame that it took the death of your husband to heal our family?”

I was stunned and at a loss for words. In that moment, it occurred to me…God answered that fervent prayer perfectly. He did it His way…in HIS time. It wasn’t at all how I thought I wanted it at the time I prayed that prayer. But it turned out exactly how it was meant to be.

I don’t believe in “luck”. I believe in God winks…moments when it is (or becomes) clear there is divine intervention involved in the circumstances of our lives. Honestly, if I had continued in the direction I was heading and stayed with Hubby #2, I am positive you and I wouldn’t be sitting here together today. You would be reading someone else’s words and I’d be pushing up daisies. 

As it turns out, I was not meant to be in that marriage anymore. I was meant to run across Mr. Virgo and have that time with him to grow more…into who I was born to be. I cannot say I was meant to lose him. I can say it was his time to go. There is nothing good in that kind of loss. But I would be lying if I didn’t say there were gems in those flames. Flashes of insight. Inspiration and the courage to write. I developed a much closer relationship with God. And Mr. FixIt and I crossed paths again.

Life is a funny thing. We are brought here for a specific purpose…each with his or her own special gifts. I am convinced my purpose in life is to use my writing to help others and lift them up. I believe our primary purpose here as humans is to learn to love like Jesus does. The tapestry that is created from all the colorful threads of life is a wonder to behold. Looking back at it from the far side is a marvel to my eyes. I hope that, when I am gone, these hundreds of thousands of words I have written will still be of some comfort to others…to my family, to my friends, and to those who walk through fire in this life and come out the other side, forged by the flames into something powerful and glorious. And, if not glorious…then at least left standing to carry on another day.

❤️

“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you.”

Isaiah 43:2 ESV