“The Lord will keep you from all harm— he will watch over your life; the Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore.”
‭‭Psalm‬ ‭121:7-8‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Seriously, could someone tell me how it takes twelve hours to get from Point A to Point B when it’s only a two hour and sixteen minute flight???

First off, I didn’t sleep much. You know how it is when you KNOW you have to get up for something really important and you just CAN’T oversleep so you set your alarm and then wake up every thirty minutes to make SURE the alarm is set and you haven’t overslept? Yeah…that was me. I finally gave up at 3:30 and read my devotional till the alarm went off at 4:30. It’s already going to be a long day.

My son-in-law’s dad was gracious enough to get up at the crack of dawn, literally, to schlep me out to Denver International Airport, which…by the way…appears to be somewhere in KANSAS! Have you ever flown into there? Seriously, they show a feature length film to make the taxiing into the terminal seem somewhat less…LONG. Anyway, they always tell you to be at the airport two hours ahead of your flight. We left the house at a little after 5:00am for an 8:40am flight. I was a Girl Scout…what can I say?

When I arrived at the airport and Ben had my little suitcase out on the curb, we said our goodbyes and I promised to let them all know when I arrived safely home. I wandered in to find there were about 150 people in line for the Frontier desk. I was worried. If these agents were anything like the agents in Columbus when I was flying out to Colorado, I was in deep trouble. As it turned out, there were about eight agents and they were making VERY quick work of that line and I was off to security in a flash.

There are two security checkpoints at DIA…one downstairs and one out the bridge toward Terminal A. A nice TSA agent stood at the confluence and told us the bridge was quicker so off to the bridge I went. Even though I had a TSA Pre Check, and they didn’t do that on the bridge, I chose speed over any concern about taking off my sandals. Of course, you have to take all of your electronics out of your carry on. And, you have to lay them out in a single layer along with your shoes and anything in your pockets and the said carry on so I had three of those plastic bins full of stuff and set them on the conveyor belt.

A female TSA Agent directed me into the x-ray machine. I really don’t like doing that even though I know the dosage is terribly small. I get more radiation going for a 20 minute walk outside. Still, x-ray was my business for a while, and I’ve had numerous radiologic studies done over the years and I know there is such a thing as a maximum lifetime dose. Anyway, I dutifully walked in, placed my feet on the little yellow shoe prints and raised my hands over my head. She pushed the button, the machine whirred, and she invited me to “stand over there for a second”.

Ms. TSA turned to me and rattled off a long spiel she had obviously recited a few thousand times and was talking so fast, I had a hard time keeping up with her. Add the ambient noises of a crowded security checkpoint and I only caught one thing. “Pat down.” She wanted to know if I had any problem doing it right there or if I preferred a more private location. This was all happening so fast and I was trying to visualize what she was describing. I looked back at the long line of faces eagerly waiting their turn. I don’t know if they got to the airport three hours early like I did and I didn’t want anyone to be late on my account. Besides, I’m enough of an exhibitionist that I’m really not bothered by much of anything.

“Here’s fine,“ I said…perhaps a tad too enthusiastically.

The screen readout with the humanoid shape was glowing yellow just to my right. Ms. TSA noticed I was studying it, trying to figure out what set off the machine. She pointed to the highlighted area and said, “Here…see? You set off the “groin alarm”. I need to check you there.” Suddenly, a giggle started to well up in me and I had to bite my tongue to keep from saying, “Well, I haven’t seen my paramour for three weeks. Do you think that could have set it off?” But…one does NOT mess with a TSA Agent. Period. So, I stifled the giggle.

Wow. She wasn’t kidding about the “pat down”. She was…um…..thorough. When she was done, without even offering me a cigarette, she said, “Now we need to wipe down your hands then I’ll wipe down MY hands and we’ll put this swab in the machine and see if anything comes out.” OK. Here’s where I started to sweat a little. Remember the Plantar Palmar Psoriasis I had on my hands a couple of years ago? Remember what cured it? Cannabis ointment. And where was I visiting? Colorado. And what did I buy to put on my hands while I was there? Yeah, right. Turns out I didn’t need to worry. They were looking for gunpowder residue and I haven’t shot a gun in months. And, no…I didn’t try to smuggle my Colorado brand of ointment home on the plane. It is illegal here in West Virginia and if I’m anything, I’m a weenie about going to prison.

Ms. TSA turned to me and gave me a thumbs up and said, “Hey! I love your hair! Did you braid it yourself?”

“Ummmmm, nope. I had it done at a salon yesterday.”

“And it still looks like that today? Did you sleep on it?”

“Ummmmm, yes. I did. I didn’t have to do a thing to it this morning!”

Feeling like I’d dodged a bullet, she sent me off with a wave to go find my gate.

I arrived at A42 in time to hear an announcement that our flight to Columbus was going to be delayed by at least an hour. *sigh* I headed to find some breakfast and coffee. And, to thank God that I hadn’t done any target practice while I was in Colorado!

I ate breakfast and took a Dramamine. I know from experience that flying in the summer can get pretty bumpy and I didn’t want any surprises in the first row. I popped the second one just as we boarded, then I put in my earplugs and prepared to nap for the next two hours. Have you ever tried to nap in a vehicle going 500 miles an hour over a really rocky road? It wasn’t happening for me either. Fortunately, two hours and sixteen minutes pass pretty quickly when you are fairly stoned out of your gourd on Dramamine and we landed in Columbus before we knew it.

Next up was waiting for the Pony Express to deliver our luggage to Carrousel 6 and the long awaited reunion with Mr. FixIt outside Door A7. Yeah, not a lot of smooching time with the security personnel blowing their whistles to keep you moving along. We stopped for a quick bite to eat because I had the munchies from the Dramamine. Honestly, I don’t need to do heavy duty street drugs. Dramamine does it for me.

By the time we got back on the road, we had hit 5:00 gridlock in the greater metropolis of Columbus, Ohio. What normally takes around two and half hours took nearly four pushing my total travel time to twelve hours for a 2.25 hour flight. However, there was one happy dude meeting me at the airport when I got there. And that made every minute of travel well worth the time spent. It is SO good to be home and to know how loved and blessed we are to have this great love affair going. I had a wonderful trip visiting my Colorado family. And, I had a wonderful homecoming back with my West Virginia family. Life is SO good! ❤