The Dancing of Life
As we head into the New Year, resolutions in hand, I felt it was time to revive a discussion we have periodically about body image. I know I am not the only woman who has had an ongoing love/hate relationship with her body. Thank GOD I’m past that at this beautiful stage of crone-dom! I am supremely confident in my own skin now. I own it. I love it. I know I am beautiful and I work it.
We women, especially those of my generation, were taught to “be seen and not heard”. We were taught that loving yourself and your beauty was vain and being vain is bad…ergo…WE are bad if we see beauty in the mirror. Madison Avenue began a lifelong assault on women with the onset of Twiggy and dictated to us, by the whims of so-called “fashion” designers, what beauty is. What is an acceptable body size? What is acceptable? ACCEPTABLE! Ok, I’m calling “Bullshit, Pauline!” Yes, we should be healthy. And yes, we should be fit enough that we can care for ourselves and our families without collapsing in a heap, sweaty and out of breath. But size? Appearance? Fashion? That matters far less than the kindness you carry inside. I care far more about the size of your heart than the size of your a**!
Those of you who have been following me for some time know that I reached a tipping point about a year ago. I had been asked to speak at the International Conference on Positive Aging in Washington, DC and at the time of the request, I weighed over 200 pounds. I wasn’t disgusting. I wasn’t ugly. I still loved myself. But I wasn’t aging very positively and since that was the point of the conference, I changed my eating habits and started playing outside more often. As a result, I have maintained a weight loss of 41 pounds and have a great deal more energy and stamina. I love myself even more now. That isn’t vain. That is self-caring. We cannot feed another when our own cups are empty.
I’m going to tell you a little story about something that happened last night at dinner. I am telling you this without judgement and I hope you will accept that and be non-judgmental as well. I had dinner last night with Hubby #1 and his wife as they passed through town. I always look forward to visiting with them as I love them and consider them as much my family as my own flesh and blood relatives. We had a lovely dinner at a Japanese restaurant. Our conversation ran the gamut from family to world events to “have you heard from so-and-so?” I thoroughly enjoyed it. As the evening wound down, we donned our coats and prepared to say good-bye till next time, when Hubby #1 touched a lock of my hair and said, “What are you going to do about this?” I looked at him, puzzled. “What do you mean?” I said. “Well…this grey. You usually color your hair. I’m just not used to seeing it like this.” Well, let me tell you…in the past, that would have done two things. Hurt my feelings and ticked me off. I would have internalized the comment and felt bad about how I looked. I would have questioned my decision to let my hair shine its glorious silvery grey and perhaps even made an appointment to see my hairdresser to correct this “problem”. Instead…I laughed. Loud. I smiled at this man I have known and loved since we were literally children. This man who earned the right to speak candidly to me by virtue of sharing my bed for a portion of my life and giving me my firstborn child. I laughed and said, “Hell, no! I love my hair just the way it is! As a matter of fact, I love MYSELF just the way I am…I’m not changin’ nuthin’!” He didn’t say it to be mean. He just hadn’t seen me in a while. And besides, no one else’s opinion means anything to me. MY opinion is what counts.
As the meme attached states, how can you hate anything about your body when you have felt the dance of life within? I was so pleasantly surprised by my own reaction to what would have felt like a barb to the younger, more fragile version of me. Now I revel in this beautiful woman in the mirror…the one with the long silver locks, with the wrinkles and the stretch marks, with the age spots and the cellulite, with the sagging breasts and the poochy belly. I EARNED this beautiful body. Right this very moment, I’m in love with my beautiful, bada** self. And vanity has absolutely nothing to do with that.
Go on. Look in the mirror. Look at that beautiful woman with new eyes. Love her kindly. Be gentle with her heart. Treat her Spirit with the respect she deserves. If she needs a little extra TLC, give it to her. Celebrate her ability to carry you around every day. After all, what you see in that mirror is just your vessel. It’s the you INSIDE that that was created in the image of God. Own that! ❤️
“Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.”
1 Peter 3:3-4 NIV