I have a group of gals who get together periodically and camp. We have a group text where we catch up and plan camping trips and figure out who’s bringing what for meals. Yesterday, we received the sad news that one of the gals lost her husband last week. He was quite a bit older than her, but was generally healthy till the last couple of months so she certainly didn’t expect to become a widow that day. Then again, who does?

I also received a text from Hubby #2 asking for some dates he needed. I had to sit for a few minutes and try to figure out…when were we married? When were we divorced? It gave me pause. An event that I truly thought I couldn’t possibly survive, let alone recover from, had become more of a distant memory than anything else. It isn’t in the forefront of my thoughts. To be able to be friends now is so much more important to me.

Time is such a slippery thing. When I was newly divorce, and newly widowed, I was wounded to my core. The future was indecipherable…unimaginable. There were so many questions. Would I ever survive this? Would I ever find joy again? Would I ever have peace? You can’t imagine that the answers to any of these questions would be yes!

That doesn’t mean the hard things go away. There is a place in my heart that still grieves over the loss of that marriage. You aren’t with someone 20+ years and not be affected for the long term. I still have dreams about him. Some say that’s unfinished business. I say that’s your heart rewriting the story to fit reality. My grief from divorce was similar in ways to the grief of losing Mr. Virgo. 

Hearing of my friend’s arrival to widowhood made my heart ache for her. When you’ve been down this road, you have an understanding…an unspoken kinship. You just “get it” at an entirely different level than someone who hasn’t experienced that loss…yet. 

If you or someone you know is grieving, please know my heart is with you. There are no rules, no guidebooks, no recipes of how to get through such a loss. You just have to look for support where you can get it, and keep moving forward…one day, one hour, one minute at a time. Till you can breathe again.

💔

”The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.“

Psalms 34:18 NIV