We spent a quiet day at home for Mr. FixIt’s birthday. He asked for Garlic Shrimp and Pasta for his special supper. It was really good, but not my favorite way to fix shrimp. I saved half the bag to make Southern Shrimp and Grits sometime in the coming weeks. I saved the sweets for Wednesday’s party so his “birthday cake” was a slice of toasted sourdough with butter and black raspberry jelly. 

I was looking through my photo memories yesterday when I came across a couple of pictures of my house in Colorado. This was the home I built when I was newly divorced. It was where I welcomed Mr. Virgo into our lives. It is where I had to start a grief journey I’d never imagined taking. These pictures were take the first winter after he died. Beautiful, yes. But, that snow shovel only had one name on it and that was mine. I was blessed with wonderful neighbors who happened to get new snowblowers from Christmas that year and after this massive storm, they took turns cleaning out my driveway and sidewalks. They were blessings from God, I tell you. Because I really didn’t have the spoons at that point to take care of myself.

That was a long, dark winter…even with all that Colorado sunshine between the storms. It will soon be twelve years since Mr. Virgo died. It’s been twenty years since I met him and eighteen years since we got married. It boggles my mind. I only had him eight years…which is exactly the amount of time Mr. FixIt and I have been together.

While I do my best to be mindful and stay in the moment, you better believe the fact we’re at that eight year window crosses my mind more often that I care to admit. When I made the decision to open my heart again to the possibility of loving another person, I weighed the odds of being left alone again. Then I realized…who’s to say it would be ME being left behind. It could just as easily be my Mr. FixIt that has to go on without me. We just don’t know the number of days we get on this earth. I’m not a fatalist, but I don’t fear death. After what I’ve already gone through, age and experience has tamped down that fear and dread I carried in my anxiety bucket all my life. 

Today is a new day, and I will praise God for each moment…good and bad. My good moments today will revolve around another batch of Sourdough English Muffins. And jam!

❄️🩵❄️

“But Mary treasured up all these things, pondering them in her heart. And the shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all they had heard and seen, as it had been told them.” ‭‭Luke‬ ‭2‬:‭19‬-‭20‬ ‭ESV‬‬

***Gratitude Journal***
Today I am grateful for the little things like the smell of a ripe sourdough starter and the three little raccoons who pressed their noses up against the glass door last night watching me and the melting snow and the coming spring.

#mindfulness, #baking, #sourdough