Three years ago, I went on a wonderful tour of several of the State Parks in West Virginia. I was blessed with the opportunity to tow around a brand new 2020 rPod for the Annual Girl Camper Raffle. It was a fabulous trip filled with some of the most beautiful scenery you can find in the Mountain State. The fact that it was October and the Mountain Mama was dressed to the nines in her autumn finery made it all the more magical.

I made that trip for the most part on my own. It was reminiscent of the Grand Adventure I went on after losing Mr. Virgo six years prior. Except, this time I had a brand new hubby waiting for me at home. I have to say, Mr. FixIt is truly the best thing that’s happened to me in the last near decade. He knows and celebrates who I am. And he knows I need times of solitude to recharge my batteries.

I have a tendency to become much too comfortable with isolation. The lockdown was a horrifying event on the large scale. But staying at home with my sweetheart, learning to bake great sourdough and knitting to my heart’s content was not awful. Here’s my problem with isolation. I quickly don’t want to go back out. I come to fear it. I get anxious at the thought of coming out of my shell and being vulnerable and “on”. 

The busyness of that autumn trip and all the subsequent writing that came along with it was a salvation to my psyche. I found that winter to be one of the easiest I’ve experienced. And coming back out didn’t bring the usual panicky feelings. Then…Covid hit and threw us inside and away from others for the better part of two years.

I still don’t do what I did BC…Before Covid. We have eaten in a restaurant a handful of times, and then only on midweek days in the mid afternoon. And we ask to be seated in a corner away from others. It’s ok…it doesn’t bother me. And THAT is the problem…I like the solitude. But I pay for it later when I need to get out and LIVE my life.

So far, we’ve avoided getting Covid. I suppose it’s highly likely we’ll get it at some point. Thank GOD it has changed since the original virus. Enough people have been vaccinated to tamp it down so it’s no longer a death sentence. It’s still out there, though. Changing and morphing…as though it has a mind of its own and its trying to defeat our immune systems. I believe we will need to continue to be vigilant and the doctors and scientists need to keep a careful watch so that we don’t end up where we were in early 2020.

I’m taking cues from that experience. I’m trying to be more spontaneous. To get out and go places on my own so that I don’t become fearful of that. It’s important for my mental health and happiness to maintain some autonomy so that I don’t lose myself in this marriage. It’s so easy to do that. When you deny yourself for so long, it becomes the norm. We had an active year but there has to be a balance between running like your hair’s on fire and becoming a slug watching Netflix.

The new mattress arrived Friday and we laid it out on the bed to “inflate” to it’s normal shape. I dressed the bed Saturday afternoon, then Mr. FixIt “camped” with me Saturday night. We woke up yesterday morning, said good morning, and declared the mattress to be a HUGELY successful purchase! Ohhhhh….it was heavenly!

As we lay there talking our way into mid-morning, I told Mr. FixIt I was going to pack up the camper and head to the dump station to empty the tanks. As I lay there calculating how far it was to the rest area where we do this particular chore, I realized one of our favorite campgrounds was only thirty minutes further.

“You know what? I think I’m just going to go on up the river and get a campsite for the night. Then I can dump the tanks on the way home tomorrow. Is that ok with you?”

He still thinks it’s strange that I ask him if it’s ok. It’s not that I’m asking permission. No way that’s happening. His answer is always, “You just do whatever you want to do, my baby.” And he means it. There’s no pouting or retribution when I come home. Just open arms and a great big hug. The only thing he ever asks of me is to let him know when I get there and check in periodically so he knows I’m ok. I have no problem with that.

So, here I am. It was literally the last night this campground was open for the 2022 season so it seems fitting I spent it here. I sat by the river all afternoon…sipping tea, watching the boats go up and down, listening to the breeze rustling the crisp, dry leaves causing a shower of sunshine to litter the ground.

The river is my muse. Something about the energy here is good for my soul. The fact that there is constant movement is soothing. It is the dichotomy of activity and stillness that draws me, I think. As I wrote this, two barges and a train passed right in front of my camper…at the same time. Life is interspersed with busyness and calm…ups and downs…happiness and sadness. It’s an ever-flowing river of energy that fills me up.

?

“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you.”

Isaiah 43:2 ESV