In the moment after Mr. Virgo died, I had no grasp of what had just happened. I mean, one minute we’re talking and laughing in the camper, discussing its merits and the next, he was on the floor, uncommunicative. We quickly went from floor to gurney to ambulance to ER to Cardiac Cath Lab to…dead. One hundred eighty minutes, tops. In my shock, I couldn’t grasp where he had gone. The sensation that he had just gone shopping without me and he’d be back any minute really stuck with me for awhile. Or, maybe he was at work. Or he went to get his hair cut. But, there came that fateful day when I had to put away all the fantasy and accept he was gone. And he wasn’t coming back.

This was replaced with an urgent game of “Send me a sign! Let me know you’re still with me.” I have been told by my more fundamental Christian friends that he is with God and there will be no interaction, no communication, no whispers or touches, no cold breezes or butterflies or bluebirds, no manipulation of lights and music. They tell me he is gone. And, while I consider myself a Christian, until everyone of those naysayers go to the other side, come back, and call us all together with the absolute facts of what it’s like, I’m going to assume there may be some flexibility in the interpretation of “with God”.

I have had too many instances since Mr. Virgo died. I cannot believe they just vanish into heaven and we never hear from them again. I call this “The Space Between Us”. There is much that occupies this space between us. There’s time…the time we have to wait to see them again. The time that has passed since we saw them last. The time when we come close to them for hugs and love and reassurance. The time when they come close to us to see us…to make sure we’re ok. The time is felt physically. It’s felt emotionally. It’s felt intellectually. It’s a very real thing, to me anyway.

This “time” between us can be our enemy. We can resent it. It can make us angry. It can cause us pain. And sometimes it does these things when we aren’t strong enough to step out of the negative side.

Or this time between us can be a positive thing, if we allow it to be. It’s all in how we look at it.

• 1. I cannot change the nature of time.
• 2. I can change how I react to it.
• 3. I can choose what aspect of my beloved’s departure I am going to focus on.

As a Christian, the day I die is going to be a glorious thing! I will be met by my beloved family members, angels in their own rights, and escorted to the pearly gates. I will be introduced to St. Peter and spend a little time with the formalities before I get an audience with God…and with Jesus. This is what I know awaits me. This is what Mr. Virgo knew awaited him as well. While I miss Mr. Virgo’s physical presence, how can I begrudge him of the most amazing experience any of us who are Christians will ever, ever encounter? I mean….really! He got to see Jesus first! What an amazing, amazing experience that had to have been for him!!! A life’s fulfillment for him. And I always wanted him to have everything his heart desired.

Yes. Yes….I still miss that handsome man’s company. I always will. But, he occupies the space between us now. He is waiting for me, with Jesus. And someday, when my time here is through…they will reach out their hands for me.

And I will go with them. But in the meantime, I will be the best I can be…here.

❤️

““Am I only a God nearby,” declares the Lord, “and not a God far away? Who can hide in secret places so that I cannot see them?” declares the Lord. “Do not I fill heaven and earth?” declares the Lord.”

Jeremiah 23:23-24 NIV