Two weeks after Mr. Virgo died, I bought TOW-Wanda…my little travel trailer. For those of you who are relatively new here, you may not know, my husband, aka Mr. Virgo, and I were standing in a travel trailer picking one out when he had a heart attack and died in March 2013. I needed to put something joyful in front of me or I wasn’t going to make it. TOW-Wanda to the rescue! Once the weather warmed up, I took off for three months and traveled alone to start walking through my grief journey. Everywhere I went, I picked up a rock to bring home to place around Mr. Virgo’s grave. When I got home, I took them up to the cemetery and told him about the places I had seen and what I had done and placed each rock next to the one before.

Somewhere in the summer of 2013, a thought began to formulate. I had a feeling that things would be a lot better by the time the circle was complete. Sometimes I forgot to bring back a rock so I would pick up one from a pile nearby. But, one by one, bit by bit, the rocks made their way around the grave and…on his birthday, just two days shy of 18 months…the circle was complete. It was whole. Just as I am whole. Different, yes. Still wounded? Of course. But I’m good. I’m strong. I feel joy. I live life. I miss him like crazy and I’m ok alone. Dichotomy.

I have a dear friend named Vicky. Vicky is a grief counselor and a widow of seven years. She is a wise woman and very skilled at what she does. She has this amazing way about her that provokes you to look at the tough stuff without holding your feet to the fire. She can ask one question and eliminate a couple of hours of tap dancing around. I love her for that. Last night she pointed out that we categorize and organize our pain in order to make sense of the senseless. She is so on point there. It’s like running your emotions through the Dewey Decimal System and assigning a number for this and filing it there. It’s crazy but it keeps us sane. And now I’ve reached a benchmark…a milestone…a point of reference to be looked back upon as a turning point. I can move forward a little easier now. When the house is closed, the papers are signed, and I have the check in my hand…I will be free. I will owe no one a single thing. Then, I will be a true bohemian!